#i feel they may be missing a trick yk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

n03m1blog · 4 months ago

Text

...and ttpd (wolfstar's version) is!

so high school:

" Just then, he realised that someone was staring back at him from the platform. It was another boy, his own age. He was tall and slim, but not skinny like Remus. He had dark hair, much longer than any other boy he’d ever seen, curling gracefully to his shoulders. He had fine high cheekbones, a full mouth and startling blue eyes. Seeing Remus staring, the other boy arched one perfect eyebrow in a gesture that clearly said: ‘and what are you looking at? "

" No one else seemed to notice, thankfully. Sirius was sly in that respect. Only very occasionally, Remus managed to catch him unawares, staring intently with those deep blue eyes. He didn’t even have the shame to look away when he was caught – only softened his gaze into a friendly smile, which Remus was obliged to return. "

[- atyd]

we know that sirius fell first but remus harder and that all just begin with them looking at each other

ok, sirius stared but remus didn't stopped looking for him... they were so young <3

"tell me about the first you saw me"

"cause i feel so high school every time i look at you, but look at you"

"you know how to ball i know aristotle"

just sirius dedicated to quidditch as remus to books

"i'm hearing voices" <- REMUS; remember this for later

also "bittersweet sixteen suddenly" their first kiss, sooooo i was thinking about this song yk like them talking to eachother about them before they realized they are meant to be.

(like an old married couple)

now, you all have to imagine this two songs as the two of them sharing secrets yk *

i hate it here (Sirius')

do i have to explain myself?

"tell me all your secrets" *

"nostalgia is a mind's trick" Sirius does miss his brother but his parents? not at all "it was freezing in the palace" "I dreamed about it in the dark, the night i felt like i might die"

everytime his parents had punish him.

"quick quick, tell me something awful" maybe Sirius is feeling that Remus is the only one that could ever understand him for have felt such pain, in fact...

thank you aimee (Remus')

it is kinda an ironic song so Remus is thanking Greyback

ik that is a little ew but listen...

"screamed, 'fuck you aimee' to the night sky as the blood was gushing"

"and it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill" Remus was just a little kid, it wasn't fair and he left him live a cursed life than just killing him

"but when i count the scars there's a moment of truth that there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you"

"i can't forget the way you made me heal" ironically obv because he will never suffer more than that, he could face everything because nothing will ever be as painful as that moment each month.

(i remember you that it is ironic, i'm worried it may seems insane telling this things)

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

Remus' perspective

"Sirius nodded, casually sweeping his hair behind one ear. He'd started doing that whenever there were girls around. Remus hated it." [- atyd]

"hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named chloe or sam or sophia or marcus"

being in the same room and forcet to watch him with someone else and ik it's not atyd but i like in this song the fact that sirius goes both ways

but-

Sirius' perspective when

“What’s going on there, Moony?” Sirius eyed him as Remus returned to the couch. His suspicious look was identical to his brother’s. “Not another girlfriend?” “Shuddup,” Remus kicked him. “Who’s your girlfriend, Remus?” Mary sat up, looking interested. God, Remus thought, where did she come from?! “I don’t have a girlfriend, Black’s just being a dick.”

[- atyd]

"I changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules"

"if you want to tear my world apart just say you've always wondered...back to the moment i crashed into you...too impaired by my youth to know what to do"

it is actually saying, have you ever though of me in a different way Remus?

so, a the end Remus' "Will I always wonder?"

(p.s. when taylor talks about drugs you have to remember this for florida because i tried a match later)

well...

guilty as sin? (Remus' perspective)

"am i allowed to cry?" watching him with someone else

"i'm seeing visions, am i bad?"

"what if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my mind?"

remus doesn't know what to believe because sirius is different with him but at the same time he is never alone

and how the girls (atyd) keep kissing him SO much that he is wondering how it would feels like to be his

"i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss, how i long for our trysts"

"there's no such thing as bad thoughts" <- -> "without ever touching his skin how can i be guilty as sin?"

florida!!! (Sirius' perspective)

he is just thinking that all of this is fun and also wants to not think at all, he is an impulsive person we all know that.

"all of the bodies that have been on my body and in my mind, they sink into the swamp" "is one hell of a drug" "can i use you up?" "go on fuck me up"

lil predict guys "...only the town you'll get arrested"

fortnight (Remus' perspective)

"i touched you for only a fortnight"

ok now this is mind blowing or just insane BUT

the scene in the CUPBOARD and after fourteen nights (more or less) they had their FIRST KISS

or if it is not correct

anyway, remus after that moment in the cupboard, he could not stop overthinking and then their first kiss was just the cherry on the pie yk?

"i love you,

it's ruining my life"

“Have you ever kissed anyone, Remus?” “No, you know I haven’t.” The lie came easily now. Sirius nodded, looking at him again, that forward, knowing look. “It’s really not as scary as you think it is.” Sirius said.

[- atyd]

scary? yes because....

the bolter (always Remus')

after the kiss sirius just ran off to mary to kiss her as nothing has happened, the bolter that taylor talks about is just sirius

even though she uses "she" i like to think about sirius in this part

(idk if it is too much)

(Sirius' perspective) and how he is so scared about the fact that he kissed remus

"all her fuckin lives flashed before her eyes"

" He’d been waiting for this—he didn’t know how long he’d been waiting for this. Moony tasted like whiskey and birthday cake and desperation, and Sirius was kissing back, mouth falling open—Moony’s tongue slid inside, and Sirius was reaching for his hips, grasping, touching, wanting more, wanting everything. Toujurs pur, Sirius! He gasped, pulling away. " [- atyd sirius]

and this is not the only thing that he got wrong...remember?

(p.s. also the bolter because in that period of time he started living with the Potters, living behind his destiny as an heir of the Black house)

mbobhft (Remus')

"oh here we go again. the voices in his head"

"should've know it was a matter of time"

" Remus Lupin would never, ever forgive Sirius Black. It was a decision he made almost the very instant he woke up the second time after that terrible moon. The weight of it all came crashing down on him, and he felt a rage so pure it burnt like a fever. This is how betrayal feels. He had not been angry like that in a very long time. At the end of his fourth year, Remus had quietly made a choice to lower his defences, to soften and relax – at least around his friends. Keeping everyone at a distance - keeping everyone slightly afraid of you - had proved too exhausting to keep up for very long. [...] “People close to me have been letting me down since I was five.” Remus said, bitterly, “I’m used to it. Anyway,” he hunched down in his bed, wishing Dumbledore would go away and leave him in peace, “We weren’t that close.” " [- atyd]

ttpd (Sirius')

" What’s wrong with you?? He demanded of himself, furious, How fucking selfish can you be? How cruel and spiteful and thoughtless? Reg was right about you—all you do is hurt the people you love. You deserve to suffer. You deserve pain. You can pretend to be good all you want, but deep down you’re as rotten as they always said. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. [...] No matter what he did, he would always be a Black. "

[- atyd sirius]

he just knows that now remus will trust nobody ever again

"And who's gonna know you like me?"

"you smoked, then ate seven bars of chocolate"

this song it could be also at the start of their relationship cause... "everyone we know understands why it's meant to be, 'cause we're crazy"

tsmhel (Remus')

"was any of it true? gazing at me starry-eyed" "and i don't even want you back [...] and i don't miss what we had" "were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?" "i would've died for your sins instead i just died inside" "you said normal girls were "boring" but you were gone by the morning" when remus woke up that morning sirius wasn't there and he understood that something did happen. "and i'll forget you but i will never forgive the smallest man who ever lived"

down bad (Sirius')

" In the morning, he would wake up and whisper, “I’m sorry,” as he watched Remus walk out the door. " [- atyd sirius]

i imagine him talking to himself certain that remus will never forgive him so he is just "fuck it if i can't him" "fuck it if i can't have us" convincing himself that he does not need his friend (lover lmao)

"I might just die, it would make no difference"

why he was so impulsive and angry against snape? "cause fuck it i was in love" "i might stay down bad"

the alchemy

after another moon they talked to each other saying that it's all good and sirius, james and peter were there the morning after to Madame Pomfrey.

“Anything for our Moony.” [- atyd sirius]

"cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me; honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

"this happens once every few lifetime"

Remus' "what if i told you i'm back? the hospital was a drag, worst sleep i ever had"

Sirius' "i circled you on a map, i haven't come around in so long but i'm coming back so strong"

so yes, they are a couple.

but daddy i love him (Sirius')

sirius just wanted to piss off as always his entire family

he is A REBEL and SIRIUS WITH A DRESS?!?!!?!?

"now i'm dancing in my dress in the sun and EVEN my daddy just loves him (<-sarcastic sirius) i'm his lady"

"i know he's crazy but he is the one that i want" c'mon remus is CERTAINLY considered crazy because he is a werewolf

"scandal does funny things to pride but brings lovers closer" (cute)

those two have just the perfect reputation.

ohhh and when all their friends started to know about them is just sirius going with "but oh my god you should see your faces"

icfh (no really i can) (Remus')

remus to all sirius' family and to everybody that says that he is problematic

"tell'em he's my man" "i can fix him, no really i can and only i can" remus DOES walk him like a dog "Good boy, that's right come close i'll show you heaven"

sirius is THE drama queen he is just so eccentric even when he is sad so yes, yk, remus convincing people that i can handle him while he is just...

"WOAH, maybe i can't-"

icdiwabh (Sirius')

sirius is THE drama queen he is just so eccentric even when he is sad so yes, yk, remus convincing people that i can handle him while he is just...

"i am MISERABLE!"

the prophecy

the war. and they start to feel untrustworthy.

all that fear and pain, separated them...

Remus' "please, i've been on my knees change the prophecy"

harry is destinated to kill voldemort so james and lily are in terrible danger, everything is in pieces.

Sirius' "let it once be me, who do i have to speak yo about if they can redo the prophecy?"

he doesn't want to lose also james, not after regulus

"oh, still i dream of him"

they think at one another as the spy

Sirius' "don't want money just someone who wants my company"

Remus' "but i howl like a wolf at the moon"

(p.s. Lily's perspective "i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope a greater woman wouldn't beg but i looked to the sky and said please")

who's afraid of little old me? (Remus')

it is simple to think that a werewolf could be the spy, isn't it?

and remus is trying to demonstrate his fidelity to the order

he is between the wolves and getting stronger than ever.

everything in this song is him.

"well should be, you should be, you should be"

Sirius and Remus together

"cause you lured me, and you hurt me, and you taught me, you caged me and then you called me crazy"

"I am what i am cause you trained me, so who's afraid of me?"

remember how sirius was thought of as a spy too??

the black dog

sirius to remus "I am someone who until recent events you shared your secrets with"

remus to sirius "old habits die screaming."

"i move through the world with the heartbroken, my longings stay unspoken"

"now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes"

"even if i die screaming and i hope you hear it"

"and i hope it's shitty in the black dog" sirius was most the time a dog in azkaban.......

i look in people's windows (Remus')

"they have their friends over to drink nice wine" remus is all alone..

"i look in people's windows in case you're at their table what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time" remus is in denial and he is hoping that sirius is not a traitor.

remus is questioning himself, maybe he would have noticed if he tried more or maybe this was sirius' plan all along.

"i'm addicted to the 'if only'"

"I attend christmas parties from outside"

peter (Remus')

everyone knows that he is dead and that sirius murdered him.

"i thought it was just goodbye for know"

and those lines are from remus to everyone he knew "said you were gonna grow up then you were gonna come find me, words from the mouths of babes" innocent words

fresh out the slammer

Sirius' "now pretty baby i'm runnin back home to you" Remus' "now that i know better i will never lose my baby again"

both "wearing imaginary rings", they will never get married...

so long, london

they meet again but they are just arguing

Remus' "so how much sad did you think i had, did you think i had in me? how much tragedy?"

Sirius' "just how low did you think i'd go? before i'd self-implode, before i'd have to go to be free"

still sirius' "you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?"

remus' "i died on the altar waiting for the proof"

sirius' "you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days"

remus' "and i'm just getting color back into my face"

both "i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place for so long, london had a good run a moment of warm sun"

sirius' "but i'm not the one" (?)

remus' "so long, london stitches undone two graves, one gun"

sirius' "you'll find someone"

but remus has to know the truth...

cassandra

Remus' "i pass it and lose track of what i'm saying cause that's were i was when i got the call"

Sirius' "[...] tried to tell the town, so they filled my cell with snakes, i regret to say do you believe me now?"

sirius has gone mad all those years in prison "i was in my tower weaving nightmares"

"they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?"

remus' "so they set my life in flames, i regret to say do you believe me now?"

"they knew" because peter said everything to voldemort and his death eaters

"blood's thick but nothing like a payroll" marauders were a family but peter sold james and lily to voldemort

sirius to remus crying "you can mark my words that i said it first in a mourning warning no one heard"

remus' "they all said nothing..."

and in the end he was thinking "when the truth comes out it's quiet, it's so quiet", remus is not hearing voices anymore...

imgonnagetyouback (Sirius')

the way remus can't take his eyes off of sirius and neither sirius can after have noticed "honey, i can tell when somebody still wants me "

"i hear the whispers in your eyes, i'll make you wanna think twice, you'll find that you were never not mine, you are mine"

"i could feel it coming, humming in the way you move"

remus' "push the reset bottom, we're becoming something new"

sirius looking at him and thinking "imgonnagetyouback"

-all Remus' from now on-

loml

sirius is gone, forever this time

now that they are gonna live peacefully together.

and all it is coming back to remus, all of it

i really can't describe all the pain he must have felt i think taylor talks alone, really i can't write anymore just those four lines...

"it was legendary" since the first met

"it was momentary" as their love was felt as meant to be but never had time to grow in solid ground

"it was unnecessary should've let it stay buried" remus is angry, he kissed sirius first and he was the one that made of all that evident while sirius was good at acting

but remus does not know and maybe he will never know that sirius was the first who fell in love

so when sirius said to remus you are the loml, remus has just to accept that sirius is the lohl

the albatross

it is remus' perspective but sirius is still there

try only to listen to this song like this:

nymphadora is the albatross

everyone tells remus that it is not good for him because she is part of sirius' family and like that he will be always depressed, this way he will never let go of him

but remus remembers how everyone told him that sirius was trouble and despite of that he didn't listen to them but to his heart

there is sirius telling to remus "locked me up in towers but i'd visit in your dreams, and they tried to warn you about me"

so nymphadora to remus was "so i crossed my thoughtless heart, spread my wings like a parachute; i'm the albatross i swept in at the rescue; the devil that you know looks now more like an angel"

she is not a threat but a chance to live again i'm the life you chose and all this terrible danger"

obviously life is unexpected but at least remus does not have to face this danger alone.

robin

remus singing to his child still in nymphadora's womb <3

clara bow

people talks to nymphadora and they are trying to find out if her and sirius are lookalike

remus listen to it in silence and she just knows that their opinion does not matter,

they are happy.

how did it end?

i'm sorry for saying this but this song is just remus facing the death of his loved one again and then facing himself once and for all.

the manuscript

"looking backwards might be the only way to move forward"

their story passed to teddy

hi everyone, i'm sorry if there may be some grammar mistakes but i did not stop writing from this morning till now, i hope you'll love it.

tomorrow maybe jily, who knows...

noemi

after my first playlist about wolfstar (Taylor's version)

while this is the first playlist that I created, there is a pinned in my notice board where I explained the choice of each song in order, take a look!

28 notes · View notes

angelyuji · 3 years ago

Note

I also love Yan!Spiderman, there will never be enough content for him ! Can I request a headcannon ? Or a blurb, whatever you prefer ? I love the amnesia trope, like the reader having long-term amnesia after an accident or whatever and yan!Spiderman swooping in, saying they have been dating for months... You may get suspicious of how flustered he gets but he knows so much about you, he can't be lying, right ? 😚

17+

cw// stalking, non-consensual picture taking, kind of kidnapping, familial neglect, car accident caused by superheroes, non-consensual kissing, non-consensual touching, forced hugs, lying, manipulation, “gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss” energy, implied murder, peter being a crybaby to guilt trip you, idk peter being gross and pervy and being a liar, toxic relationship (kind of because you’re kinda not aware of the fact that he sucks and he’s lying)

· OMGBESTIE sorry i just absolutely ADORE the amnesia trope in yandere fics GHJKJHGF

· it’s just so perfect *chef’s kiss*

· anyway

· you got into accident that totally not caused by peter…yeah, it was totally definitely the criminal’s fault …

· but i mean, why were you driving in the middle of a villain attack anyway? oh, you had to go to work?...so??? peter didn’t give you the ok?????

· right, so he’s tossing cars and trying to bring justice (or something like that) and he saw you coming, but alas, he's too late

· you see something hurtling towards your car as you stop at a red light. you squint your eyes, “oh. ha, that’s a car…wait”

· peter was only a couple feet away when he sees the truck he threw slam against the hood of your car, crumpling the hood like it’s made of aluminum foil. time moves in slow motion as peter tries to reach you. out of reflex, peter shoots his webs to move you from impact. he can feel himself move, but his mind shuts down. when he regains consciousness, you’re in his arms, passed out, but seemingly unscathed. he feels relief, then fury. peter barely noticed when the paramedics came to move you out of his arms. he turns to the villain, his whole body shaking, and launches himself at the man.

· you end up in the hospital for a brain injury that left you in a coma and peter literally never left your side. he came every day and stayed by your side until visiting hours were over, and came into your room at night as spiderman after patrol.

· the hospital staff saw him so much that they assumed you were both in a relationship, so when you woke up at night during his patrol hours, they called him first.

· they called your parents after…weird, i know

· “how do you feel?”

· “fine, i guess. tired, surprisingly” you chuckle dryly and the doctor smiles.

· “fine is good. what’s the last thing you remember?”

· “…um….i can’t… I don’t-”

· “hey, it’s okay. take your time.” the doctor tries to be reassuring, but you feel panic bubble. what’s going on, why can’t you remember what happened? what’s happening to you? your breathing turns rough and the air feels thicker as you seem to remember less and less of what you should know. all of a sudden, two arms wrap around you and pull you into them.

· “it’s gonna be okay” they mumble into your hair as you cry into their shirt.

· peter and the doctor eventually figured out that you were missing 4 years of your life. the 4 years that you’ve lived in queens, to be exact.

· peter realizes exactly what he has to do when the doctor pulls him and your family aside to explain the situation

· (they had asked him who tf he was and he, in a panic to not be kicked out, said y’all were dating)

· he offers your family a way out, a way to not take the stress of taking care of you, by letting him take care of you

· “i love them. i can’t lose them and i won’t lose them, so please, let me take care of them”

· honestly, your family was lowkey relieved that peter offered to take care of you, not even remembering that you have never mentioned this man in any conversation (who has amnesia now??)

· peter would go into your room and tell you that you’re going home with him

· “what? what about my family?”

· “they’re okay with it. they have a lot going on and, as your boyfriend-”

· “boyfriend? i’ve never seen you before in my life?”

· “no! no, we started dating when you moved to queens!" at your blank stare, he lowers his head slightly and you see tears fall, "i wish you would remember”

· peter will pull out his pictures of you saying stuff like “then how do i have these pictures?? hmm????” and fake crying to make it seem like he was your grieving boyfriend

· he’ll be constantly mentioning the fact that he’s your boyfriend to you and to others (at some point, ur confused on whether he’s trying to convince you or trying to convince himself) “as your boyfriend’ “your boyfriend” “i love being with you and going on dates haha yk since im your bf”

· he’ll make up different stories from places he’s seen you. if he stalked you while you were walking at the park, he’ll say you both went on walks often. if you went on picnics by yourself often, he’ll say you constantly had picnic dates. had a fun day at the arcade? more like, you had fun day at the arcade with peter!

· peter’s smart, he uses these events as a way of tricking your brain into thinking that each memory you recover of these moments are just moments that are missing him, and eventually, he’ll start appearing in memories

· peter would take you to his apartment and absolutely REFUSE to let you leave, he’ll have an excuse ready to make sure you can’t leave your new home

· “the doctor said you shouldn’t move too much”

· he’ll make you sleep in the same bed as him, go on dates with him, hug and kiss him like “you used to do” with the excuse of “the doctor said you should do things that you used to do before the accident to start remembering everything”

· …riiight

· “are you coming to bed?” you lay in his bed, waiting for peter.

· “i-i sorry, yes, I-” peter stumbles on his words as he stands by the bed.

· you sit up in annoyance, “peter, you said we slept together. what’s wrong?”

· peter turns bright red, “no! nothing’s wrong! it’s nothing, i-i’m coming to bed in a sec.” you lay back down and soon you feel him crawl into bed. you turn your back to him, but peter pulls you closer to him and start leaving kisses down your back.

· “what are you doing.” you whisper into the darkness. his small touches feel foreign on your skin and your body itches to move in disgust.

· “i’m helping you sleep. uh-before, i helped you fall sleep like this, maybe this’ll help you remember” peter pushes his head into the crook of your neck and holds you closer, his fingers grazing under your shirt and feeling your stomach.

· you try to move away without panicking, “maybe, we’re moving too fast? i kinda need some spa-” you feel peter freeze.

· “do-do you not love me anymore?” you feel peter’s tears before you hear his sniffles, “i didn’t want to push you, but i just missed you so much and i thought that you were starting to remember how much you love me.” his sniffles turn to sobs and you start feeling guilty. you push your discomfort away and let yourself get pulled into his warmth.

· “no, it's fine. just don’t, you know, cry please.” you press your lips into a thin line and sigh as peter stops sniffling and hums in content.

· he’ll guilt you into doing what he wants with tears and sobs about how he misses “the old you”

· funny, considering the fact that this mf basically made up his entire relationship with you because he’s literally psychotic

· your relationship would be seemingly normal too, except that all of the friends that talked about how they’ve never met peter before your accident went missing…huh, definitely no connection there…

· but by the time they inform you of their concern, it is already months after your accident and peter would have already made you believe that you were dating

· in peter’s mind, you’re everything and more than he imagined, even though you barely know him, he knows you so well that it’s easy for him to make you believe that you’re together.

· peter would tell he’s spiderman once you’ve stopped resisting him to make sure that you won’t search up your accident and see that spiderman was involved

· the only way for you to break from peter’s grip on your mind is for him to accidently confess that he’s lied to you

· and that’ll happen, peter may be good at lying, but during a fight, he might let it slip

· “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO THEM.”

· “they’re my friends, peter. you can’t stop me from seeing them.” you roll your eyes when peter’s face crumples. “ugh, peter, stop with the guilt-tripping. your fake tears don’t work on me anymore.”

· peter’s face turns cold, “your friends are liars and they’ve been trying to break us up since the accident. all they say when they see me are lies.”

· you keep a straight face, “well, i know it’s a lie, so you don’t have to act like this.”

· “but-but what if you start believing them? what if you realize that you can do better than me? what if you remember everything? what if they make you break up with me? wh-” peter turns to you and sees you frozen in place. he moves towards you and pulls you into a hug, but you stay stiff.

· “what do you mean “remember”?” you whisper and peter’s eyes go wide. silence fills the room as peter says still.

· “well, shit”

191 notes · View notes

ranboo5 · 3 years ago

Note

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

#dsmp fandom critical #kind of?#jic #ask to tag #I am technically defending Kn1fetrick on this post #I am not nice to it but I am defending it technically. If people start being rude abt it I am going to set myself on fire #this IS ludicrously long but I have tl;dr'd it as I do with all my ludicrously long posts. I think I have salient thoughts

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seostudios · 4 years ago

Text

extraordinary

SEOSTUDIOS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

synopsis. after the king went missing, y/n embarks on a journey to save her father from the kingdom's greatest secret, the fallen prince, who has locked him in his mother’s castle. trading herself in for her father's release, she soon realizes the supposed blood-sucking creature is just an arrogant prince and makes her mission to draw the cold-hearted boy out of his isolation.

pairing. kim doyoung x fem!reader

genre. romance, fantasy, angst, smut

info. prince!doyoung, vampire!doyoung, princess!reader, beauty-and-the-beast!au (with a twist), non-idol!au, medieval!au, prince!ex!jaehyun, brother!jaemin

warnings. mentions of blood and arranged marriage, alcohol, explicit language, unprotected sex, bondage, a really bad sex scene ugh

wc. 5.2k

an. hi happy halloween! i promised ‘angel’ for my halloween special but i feel like wizards were boring for halloween (no hate) but a beauty and the beast au with a vampire twist sounded sexy.. so i hope you enjoyed this romance au there a smut scene but i’m not proud since i have to pee rlly badly and wrote this in a rush (LOL) i hope the cover tricked u! it’s supposed to give a ‘blank’ theme... yk anyways ill try writing more tysm bye i love you all think of this as a halloween special + 700 special mwhamwah

The long curtain that draped over your bay windows had the same orange hue to the morning light, every morning a perfect sunrise. Reminding you of the sleepless nights spent just to get a view of the sun as it illuminated the blue as if it were igniting the most miraculous flame. Throwing the large duvet that once covered your canvas, you quietly tip-toe out of your shared bedroom with fiance and future king, Jaehyun, not trying to wake him yet.

By the time you're finished looking presentable to the outside world, you make your way down towards the kitchen. There was only a week before the wedding, so the castle was a little hectic. Seeing the tailor and his assistance run in an out the front gates, the chefs coming from far and wide to bake you the most flavoursome cake out there. The wedding was a big deal. I mean between merging kingdoms and scoring the most eligible bachelor in the land... It was huge! Jaehyun was known in his kingdom for his selfless actions, but elsewhere, it was his dashing looks. Although he still hasn't managed to swoop in and steal your heart, you had no choice but to let him believe he did so for the sake of your future.

"Princess!" The chef Johnny calls. He noticed you wandering out of your suite after using the restroom and just had to get some small talk done and possibly put in a good word for his close friend about to seal the deal with you. "Oh! Hey Johnny," You greet, flashing him a toothy grin. "It's almost the big day..." He exclaimed. Wow, he seems more excited than me, you think to yourself. "Right. I'm nervous," You confess, your frown now replacing the award-winning smile. Which didn't go unnoticed by Johnny. His eyes, which were once trained on you, shoot up to look behind your shoulder. "Speak of the devil!" He shouted, shooting you a couple glances before running over to Jaehyun, who has just woken up.

Now at the dining table, you and Jaehyun sit accompanied by his parents. "So, Y/N" His mother starts in attempts to spark a conversation. You shot your head up to listen in on what she has to say, "Did you know Jaehyun has an older brother? Doyoung." Silence. You all sat in an awkward stillness, glances between Jaehyun and his father, worried. "No, I didn't. Is he coming to breakfast?" Her cheerful demeanour was quick to shapeshift into a dejected expression. "He moved to Paris to expand his corporation." The hidden truth was that he didn't move at all. He was banished. This tall tale is told all over the lands, but it was just a tall tale about the prince, was it not?

Once upon a time, there lived a dashing prince. His name was Doyoung. Despite having all the money and power in the kingdom, it still felt like there was nothing left for him there if he still lingered in his younger brother's shadow. So the prince ventured off, hoping to find someone who'd appreciate him for himself. That's when he met the great sorcerer, Minyeon, known by only the wicked. She was a sly witch, moving only on the outskirts of the lands. Aching to pounce on any punk in the vicinity. Therefore when she noticed the prince and came to realize his selfish needs, she casts a spell. "You're stuck like this until you find peace eternally. Is being a greedy spoilt brat all you need to be a prince? Maybe you should be more like Jaehyun." Those were her last words before disappearing into the woods. Doyoung quickly ran back home. Calling every wizard in town to inspect him. He was now cursed to live life as a blood-sucking monster unless he finds this peace. "You know we can't." His mother started. Doyoung's heart tore, hearing the crack in her voice. "I... I know Mother. I'll be quick." He said before finished packing the briefcase full of necessities. "I have a castle." She spits out, handing him a map. "Stay there. I will visit as much as I can," And it was the truth. She visited for the first few months until he started to change. The violent evil nature of a pure vampire, taking its place in Doyoung. That was no longer her son, and she couldn't risk venturing far to walk right into her death.

And that was Doyoung’s story.

It's been about three years since the incident, and villagers still ponder on whether it's fiction or not, but with the heartbreaking look on Jaehyun's mother's face this morning, I think you got your answer. Acknowledging the elephant in the room, you and your future mother-in-law finish up and head into the fitting room with the tailor, leaving Jaehyun with his father. "He knows-" Jaehyun started, quickly being cut off by his father. "That's why we limited guests on such short notice and doubled the guards. He won't be able to get in." He affirmed before the sound of the chair screeching slowly, and someone sitting was heard. The two look down towards the end of the table. "I won't be able to what?" Doyoung said, throwing his feet on the table.

死

"I really do think you look magnificent." The designer, Taeyong, chirped adjusting your corset. "Taeyong honey, don't you think that's a little tight? Y/N looks like she's turning blue." Jaehyun's mother jokes. Ever since you've departed from the boys at breakfast, she's been jumpy. Was she expecting someone? "Alright, here we go! Go take a look, princess." Nodding, you make your way to the large mirror. "Oh my! I love it! Thank you so much!" Doing a little twirl, as Jaehyun's mother cheers, showering you in compliments.

“So.. Y/N darling... How are things with Jaehyun?” She asked helping you undress after Taeyong exited. “What do you mean?” You asked curious, what could she mean? “You know this isn’t exactly a love marriage...” She hears a sigh from you. “I mean I like him!” Making sure you let her know that first, you turn away from the mirror to face her, “But not like that, he’s a good friend... Nothing more.” The confession left the still room feel like a ghost town. Jaehyun’s mother hands you a heartwarming smile, assuring you it’s okay. “You know, I think you’d be fit with my eldest son, Doyoung.” Smiling to herself she takes a loose strand of hair and places it behind your hair. “A-Are the rumo-” She nods. They were true, he really was a vampire. “May I ask where he is? Do you visit? How is he? Does he look like the vampires from the books?” All your questions erupt at once, causing her to burst into a fit of laughter. “Well where do I start?!” She says more to herself. “He’s in a castle, past the river banks and through the woods. Safe, hopefully. He’s also quite charming-”

A knock at the door, grabs both of your attention. "Come in," You said, but something was off. An uneasy feeling turns in the pit of your stomach as the doorknob unwinds to reveal Jaehyun. "You can't be in here! Shoo!" His mother scolded, but Jaehyun raised his hand to silence her. "Y/N, your father."

“He’s what?!” You shout. “Been abducted? By who? He’s on everyone’s good side.” You state clearly. “It’s not his fault. It’s our fault.” He confessed, looking down at the marble tiles of the hushed room. “My brother, Doyoung. Took him.” A gasp is heard from his mother as her hand goes to rest on her chest to feel her heart. “Is Doyoung here?!” She asked. He shook his head. “He showed up and told Dad and I the news but left afterwards. He told me to pass the news over to you.” Jaehyun began to massage his temples, this was really getting to him. “He wants you to meet him at his castle to - discuss - your father's return to his kingdom.” And in a blink of an eye you were gone. Jaehyun’s mother didn’t give you exact directions but you could find out where his castle is. “What are you doing!? Stop her!!” His mother cries, “She doesn’t know what she’s heading into!” Before she was able to run out to you, Jaehyun stops her in her tracks. “This is not our battle, Mother.”

Running into your barn, You mounted Ivy, about to venture off possibly to your death. You were determined though, no matter what; you need your father back. Not for you but for the sake of your kingdom. “Come on girl, we’re gonna save Papa.” Ivy was originally a horse for the knights but it seemed like the two of you had more of a sibling bond than you and your younger brother, Jaemin... Not that you guys hated each other! The river banks were a easy to trot by, the boat passengers and fishers greeting you, and the woods wasn’t as dark and ominous as Jaehyun’s mom put it to sound like.

There you were. Past the river banks, through the woods and you were led to the front gates of Doyoung’s castle. The castle was more ancient than any bone left in soil. The stone pathway pitted and scarred, looking up you notice it's tall walls, trees surrounded the castle. The large pillars, narrow, round towers dominate the skyline of this massive castle and are connected by enormous, firm walls made of cobblestone. Spooky was an understatement. You dismount Ivy and tie her loosely to an old log. “Stay here girl, I’ll be back with Papa.” Pushing the rusted gates open you throw your cloak over top your head and run towards the large wooden doors. Letting yourself in you examine the large foyer of the castle, it was much smaller than yours back home but the presence it held was bigger than any king to have walked the lands. Your breathing is rapid and shallow, you can feel your pulse pounding in your temples as you cautiously walked up the steps. "Doyoung?" You call out. A muscle twitches involuntarily at the corner of your right eye, after seeing a shadow swiftly move. He knows you're here. "I'm not scared of you." You spoke tenderly, moreso to convince yourself you weren't. Looking down the narrow hallway someone stands, before you were able to walk towards the figure he heads into a door. Now on a wild goose chase after Doyoung you reach a grand hall full of chambers, a dungeon. “Let me out you bastard!” An infuriated voice shouts. It’s your father. “Papa?! Where are you?” You cry running around the zigzag chamber. “Y/N? Over here Y/N!” He shouts once more, why were you here?

There he was, there they were. Your father was on his knees, gripping the bars calling out for you, but beside him standing tall, he was a slender and well built man with pretty, unturned lip. His pale skin sparkled in the moonlight, his dark eyes matching the night sky above perfectly. Doyoung. Although your heart picked up at his astonishing facial features, you were enraged on why he would abduct your poor father. “Let him go at once!” You demand. He kisses his teeth and dangles a pair of keys above your head. “Only if you stay.”

“I’ll be fine Papa.” You assure your father at the front gates of the castle. “Take Ivy and head home. I’ll be okay.” You embrace him once more, “But the wedding?!” Your eyebrows furrow. “It’s cancelled, why don’t you get Jaemin to merge with Jaehyun’s little sister, she just came of age and she’s arriving from Thailand tomorrow.” And thus the decision was made. You were now a resident at Doyoung’s, and your wedding was cancelled.

Sitting on the last step of the spiral staircase you watch Doyoung pace around the foyer, speaking to someone in a room. Didn’t he live alone? Getting up to explore the castle you were stopped by Doyoung, he’s quick on his toes. “Let me bring you to your room.” He said, his hand reaching out to you. Charming Slapping his hand you walk past him up the stairs towards whatever room you would make out to be your own. He trails behind you, “Feisty, I-” “I was talking to your mother about you earlier. I’m not dumb, I know it all.” Your began, opening a room door. “I want this room.” You demand, even if you showed him your stubborn side a little, it was fine. He did kidnap your father. Doyoung hums “Okay. Dinner in five” He chimed, before heading back down. The rest of the night was nothing out of the ordinary, other than the awkward glances to one another at dinner. In attempts of sparking something between the two of you Doyoung asks, “Did you enjoy dinner?” At the door frame of your bedroom. “Yeah,” All was well until you saw him begin to unbutton his dress shirt and head into the closet. “W-What do you think are you doing?” You asked frightened. Why was he undressing in your new bedroom. “Getting ready for bed?” “But don’t you have your own room?” You inquire confused. “You picked my room, so we share.” He replied. There were at least over a dozen bedrooms in this castle and you just had to pick his. “No take backs by the way, now get in bed love.” Kissing your teeth you throw on a pair of pyjamas you found in the closet; assuming it was his. Moving to the side of the bed to make a wall of pillows separating the two of you.

死

“It’s been over three months Doyoung.” This was one of those rare occasions you spoke at dinner. “And?” He questions. “I want to go home.” You stood your ground, it’s been over three months, nearing four and it’s safe to say this dinner was the most you’ve both communicated. “You are home,” He replies, taking a bite of his food. “No, it’s not. I sit in this castle reading books and talking to myself, I’m going mad!” You bark. “You traded yourself in for your fathers release, I can’t let you leave.” He always spoke softly but his words never failed to slice through you.

Doyoung enters his bedroom, while you were downstairs cleaning up. He reaches into the back of his closet, sliding the clothes on the rack to the side, to reveal a mirror. It wasn’t an ordinary mirror, it was a magic mirror, to help Doyoung communicate with his mother without putting herself in danger. “I thought this was the peace I needed to come back.” He said to himself looking at his reflection. “Peace? This isn’t peace Doyoung.” A voice hollered throughout the still room as the mirror illuminated. “I know it isn’t mother, I can’t seem to find it. I’m trying.” The tension grew thick, he was frustrated. “Find peace in her.” She finally said. Just then, the mirror shatters. “Doyoung?” Your soft voice calls from the closet door. His head spins around as he readjusts the clothing. “What time is it?” He questioned, flaring with energy. “About fifteen minutes to eight, why?” This is where you start growing nervous. Although he’s kept to himself you know he yearned for human blood. “Let’s explore.” He grabs ahold of your hand running down to the front yard. “Wear this.” Handing you a coat he intertwines your hands as the two of you exit the premises.

“Why are you being so weird?!” You roar demanding answers. “I want our friendship to blossom my love.” He spoke, a pang of guilt hitting him. Your cheeks suddenly kissed pink like the spring rose, the blooming colour so bright against your face. Looking forward,avoiding eye contact with Doyoung you tug his hand forward into the wilderness. “On my way here I remember seeing a bench surround with an ethereal setting.” You babble on the way to the destination. “Really? Would love to see it.” Doyoung replied uninterested. This didn’t go unnoticed by you so letting go of his hand you walk ahead. He catches up but doesn’t grab ahold of your hand. “I apologize.” He said, earning a scoff. “I really am, I’m all ears now.” The pleads went on until you reached the bench where you sat down and pulled out a book. “What’s that?” He asked. “A sketch book.” You reply, opening the book to reveal you artwork. “Whoa, Y/N these are amazing.” Astonished he grabs it out of you hand to flip through them, earning a rather adorable giggle from you, which did indeed cause a crack in Doyoung’s ice cold heart.

Your stay increased and the liking you had towards Doyoung has as well. Now there is never a dull moment at dinner, a new routine of late night walks. In all honesty, Doyoung hasn’t been the slightest interested in you up until last night. “Doie! Look at this, I drew you!” You cheer running over to the boy in his study. “Let’s take a look.” He stood in front of you, his eyes that told stories words couldn't, staring into your shiny orbs, piercing through you. He couldn’t help it, with your collar bones exposed with the large tee swallowing you whole.. You looked appetizing. So when his hand came in contact with your nape, leaning down, his mouth hovering over your neck, about to indulge he hears a whimper. “Doyoung..” He looks up to your frightened figure. However, you weren’t scared of him sucking a little blood out of you, just nervous of how close you were. “Doyoung. It’s okay...” You whispered your doe eyes staring right back at him. But he couldn’t, “I’m not a monster.”

These days Doyoung felt vulnerable around you. The once inhuman arrogant cursed prince acting as like another man. His crave and lust for blood sank and he desired something else, something more attainable at his end now; love. Though his love for you blossomed quickly he was insecure and full of doubt when it comes to confessing. The world seems to be on his side when the two love birds are together, fooling around, but once the tension grew his courage flees the scene. Weeks turned into months with this unbearable love for you; he no longer lusts for your friendship, he needs more.

You sat on the edge of the king sized bed, gazing out the bay window that peered into the land. Stars shining over top the night sky, appearing like magic at each sunset. Sipping onto the last bit of hot chocolate in your mug you change into a silk night dress Doyoung has purchased for you, since he thought you should have a new wardrobe now that you live with him. Back hitting against the soft mattress you wrap yourself in the thick duvet, closing your eyes to think.

My friendship with Doyoung has really come far these past few nights. Just the other night he cooked me breakfast in bed, which was really thoughtful of him. His egoistic personality fading into a tenderhearted man. Under all the layers from his saddening past, becoming a monster from the storybooks, to his prince status. He was a normal guy. I know he wants to flee this wretched castle and run back home, though he fears what he capable of. How he could hurt his people, or worse, his family. The sinister persona taking over him that cut his bond from Jaehyun. Oh But past all this is a man... You love.

The door creaks and you noticed a disheveled Doyoung enter the room. Must have been up in the study racing his minds to wonder, you believe. “Hey you.” You chirp, to sit up on the bed unknowingly a strap falls from your shoulder exposing your collarbone. “Hello Y/N.” The reply was dry and nonchalant about. But all worries ended when he hops into the bed curling up into himself gathering warmth. You don’t know why but your heart skipped a beat when you glanced over at him, catching his stare up at you. You huff playfully before relaxing into the sheets. The two of you could’ve easily split rooms and been on your way but there was an urge for you to stay in his suite. Maybe it was the thirst to find out who he really was, and why his path was this rough... Or it was because ever since you met at the chambers, your heart always raced around him; no matter the occasion. The room was quiet, sitting in a comfortable silence, both of you awake. Should you tell him? Is this too quick? Were you ready? The questions spring around your mind for a couple seconds before being interrupted by a pleasant surprise.

Doyoung’s hand makes it’s way to reach yours. The ice-cold finger tips, tracing over your hand. Skinship wasn’t rare but it was never making you consider he felt the same way. Intertwining your hands you turn to face him, to notice he was already looking at you. He wants to confess, he will confess. His mouth opens to speak, but quickly silenced with a pair of soft lips crashing onto him. Knowing his difficulty with words, actions seemed to have spoken better than them. His lips were warm and the taste of bourbon stung your tongue gracefully. Doyoung moves his hands from yours to rest on the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him. You two break apart for air, hesitantly looking at one another. Though his eyes told multiple stories, all you felt as of now was lust and desire. Giving yourself up to him, or how people back home would say; popping the cherry. Lips crash together and it felt like you were walking on air. The way your lips connected with his, molding together like they belonged, his mouth was so warm compared to the rest of him. The small tug onto your lips erupting a quiet moan is what gets him started.

死

You awoke to arms barricading around you, keeping your bare body close. The morning light shining through the closed blinds creating a funky pattern on the duvet. Your hands drawing funny little shapes on Doyoung's bare chest. Last night sure was hectic, he's got a lot of stamina for someone who claimed to be tired. Doyoung lets out a whine, “So bright in here..” He groans, covering his face. It took a minute to register what was going on and why you were naked and in his arms, but relaxed when he follows up on what went down last night. He could freely express his love physically and verbally. “Oh my god, I love you.” He says ecstatic. You mumble ‘I love you too’ to him before he goes on yapping, “Mother was right.” He whispers, “She was right. You’re my peace. My key to a happy life.” A soft smile dances on your lips after hearing those words, he truly did love you... But because his mother told him so? “Your mother?” You inquire, but he’s quick to reply. “She told me to find peace in you; at first I doubting her sanity because you were quite annoying-” “Hey!” You slap his chest, however he defends himself. “But I can’t live without your chitter chatter now.” He expressed.

Doyoung combs his hair, you cleansing beside him. “You got tanner honey.” You say pinching his skin lightly. “I did?” His doe eyes looking into the mirror at his skin. Then panic arose, “Quick Y/N! Fetch me some blood.” He says while you blankly stare back at him. “You don’t have any blood.” He grabs your wrist. The veins visible. “I.. I don’t want blood.” A sardonic laugh escapes. “I have an idea” He said patting your head lovingly. What could he have in mind? You hum, signaling him to continue as you dry off. “Let’s get married.” If you saw yourself right now you probably would’ve been convinced that your jaw was touching the ground. Nonetheless, life is a risk. Why not? “Okay.” You replied, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. The once feared blood sucking monster, was now back to being an ordinary prince. “I heard my father didn’t let our poor little sister get married..” He whispers into your lips. “Two weddings have been cancelled, let’s help them out.” Grabbing your hand he leads you towards the east end of his castle. You never ventured out there, quite creepy if I do say so myself. Digging into an old box he pulls out an off the shoulder wedding gown with embroidery on her bodice. Rhinestones and pearl beads were sewn on the gown. "It's beautiful," You gasp in awe. "It was my mother's gown. I want you to wear it now." He said handing it over. “Bring it in hand, let’s get ready there. Our big day is tomorrow isn’t it?” He smirks, taking you in hand to walk down to the foyer. “I called someone for us.” “You did?” Just then, you two hear the neigh of a horse (or two) in the distance approaching. A carriage arrived on time to bring you two home. “I can’t believe we’re going home.” You start. “Does this mean we’re gonna stay there because I’d rather not actually.” The confession was vague but Doyoung knew where you were getting at. The privacy was amazing, and hearing the sound of birds in the early morning instead of villagers was a blessing. “Me too.” He replied, helping you on top of the carriage.

And off you go.

Once you arrived you were surprised people recognized you, and the prince himself. Whispers and rumours already begun and you’ve barely made it through the main city. “There it is, our chapel.” You joke, pointing towards the castle, earning a little laugh from him. He was no longer a vampire, and it frightened you, was getting you to fall in love with him just to go back to normal his only goal? Or was he truly head over heels for you as you were for him. Many of actions reminded you of how he loved you. “Whoa did you see that? They just let us slip by..” He whispers to you after seeing the guards let you pass by happily. “It’s cause we live here,” You replied all giddy over his childish antics when it came to being home, he was thrilled. He quickly rushed towards the the throne room knowing his parents would be there and you rushed behind after setting the suitcases. “Mother! Father! I’ve come home!” He shouts in the still room. Gasps heard from various maids and guards. “I-I’ve found peace...” He pants. “Peace?” His father questioned, his mother correcting him, “He found love.” Doyoung shares a smile before walking up to the throne, “I’ve been gone for quite awhile, haven’t I?” He snickers before embracing his parents. “Brother?” A voice hollered through the room, follow by whispers. He turned to see his loving siblings. “Jaehyun...” Running towards him his smile fades. “I’m sorry,” The apology was wholehearted, from what Jaehyun knew; Doyoung was a loving brother. But all was false, back then he was a selfish beast, not caring once of who he hurt. Now, he was back and came work up from his mistakes. Jaehyun pulls his elder brother into a hug, as he sobbed quietly into his shoulder.

The door opens to reveal a princess; you. “You all know Y/N.” Doyoung says, grabbing your hand. At first, you don’t realize Jaehyun there, but he makes himself known. “Yes, I was engaged to her not long ago.” Shivers ran down your spine, how could he be so cold and straightforward. Did he actually love you? The straight brooding face quickly curved into a grin, flashing his dimples. “I’m joking. You two actually look like your in love, Y/N and I looked like brothers.” Laughter erupts within the room everyone catching onto the joke one by one before silencing. Doyoung clears his throat “I will be marrying Princess Y/N and merging our kingdoms into one.” It was nice to see his father smile, it was rare. This was good news and it seems like all is working out for the two of you. “Very well, how does next week sound?” He said, watching you two nod eagerly.

死

It’s been three hours since your vows have been exchanged, and you are now rocking a stone as large as your pupil on your wedding finger, while slowly being undressed by your husband. “Why is this thing so hard to take off,” He complained right as he gets the hang of it. Your lips molding with one another in perfect harmony. It's a slow process you want to enjoy, but most of all you want to pleasure your new husband. A gasp escapes your mouth feeling Doyoung gently lifts his hands up to palm your clothed core, the gentle rubbing before going underneath the thin material to your glistening folds. He hushed your with kiss going down your torso, til he reached right above your core. In a blink of an eye, you see yourself nude and legs sprawled out with Doyoung’s face between your legs. Licking a stripe between your folds, sucking gently on your clit. “So wet...” He murmurs under his breath, before diving in. If you thought your first time with Doyoung was hectic, you’re in for it tonight. Now hands tied behind your back by your own wedding veil you stuff your head into the pillow, screaming his name. “Oh my god! Oh my god! R-Right there! Harder!” You cry, curling your toes ass he thrusts into your core. Your hair bunched up into Doyoung’s fist, keeping you two steady as he penetrates into you. Coming close to your orgasm you arch your back in anticipation; this doesn’t go unnoticed. Doyoung comes forth, hot breath and groans loud and clear in your ear. Reaching down he finds your bud and rubs harshly onto it, feeling you clench around his length. A squeal leaves your mouth, “I’m cumming!” You cried, digging your face in the pillow. Just when you felt yourself relaxing into the pillow, you feel a hot liquid coat your pink walls and Doyoung pulling out

死

The sound of the kids playing rings in the background as you sip on a cup of coffee your husband, Doyoung brewed earlier this morning. He comes to sit beside you on the abandoned bench in the forest, memories flooding off our many escapes to this very bench as kids. His hand reaches to caress your pregnant belly. “Number three.” He said playfully as you slap his hand away, “His name is Taehyun, not Number three.” He chuckles, “A beautiful name from his beautiful mother.” Doyoung says, gently raking his fingers through your long locks of hair. “I love you so much,” He whispers, bringing his hand to your cheek before kissing the top of your nose. “I love you too I guess,” You shrug, covering your grin with the book you held. “Youjin and Minhyun are still in the garden, shall we go in...” His eyes trail the vicinity, before catching your kids who were sitting in a field of flowers. “Min! Jin! Me and your mother are going to head inside for a snack! Stay close!” He shouts over the kids who just send him a thumbs up. Eagerly, Doyoung stood up grabbing your hand pulling you gently towards the castle. “What a child,” You mumble before heading in.

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chiliconsharls · 5 years ago

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ok. i hate to be put in this position because polo x carla x christian was an OT3 that was really close to my heart but yeah, here goes a long rant: POLO X CARLA X CHRISTIAN IS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM BETTER THAN POLO X CAYETANA X VALERIO.

First of all, anyone of you who says they’re just recycling or repeating that storyline can fuck right off, let us polyamorous people have more than one throuple in a show.

Why is Polo x Caye x Valerio better? Simple: because they talk. Because they’re open. Because they’re aware of what they want.

Polo x Carla x Christian was born out of a shady game/experiment Polo and Carla wanted to try. Polo x Carla x Christian throuple’s whole foundation was a clusterfuck.

Christian was fooled into thinking Carla was into him when really he was being watched without his consent when he had sex with her. Carla thought she was trying to salvage her relationship with her boyfriend and Polo was just trying to act on his attraction to men without having to end things with his girlfriend. Messy. Then when Christian got in on to the picture, he did so for his own, dishonest reasons.

Let me break it down into the three parts, because that’s the real issue: all three of them did terrible, questionable stuff.

First, the original sinner & real orchestrator: Polo. Yes, this whole thing was Polo’s idea even though Carla had to nudge him towards it at given points.

In season two we find ourselves with a Polo who’s not questioned about his bisexuality, who explicitly says “Bi? Is that what I am? You know, you may be right. I might be bi” when is labeled as such & then who reveals to Guzmán he was into him at some point in his life. We don’t know for sure how long people have known this about Polo, but they know now. But FIRST, in season one, we have this exchange between Carla and Polo, the first time he’s having doubts about what they’re doing:

[btw, this is Carla being supportive of her bi bf, just saying. She was encouraging, at one point, but, yk, I’ll get to that]

Now, either this happened sometime before Polo’s bi awakening via Guzman’s incrediboy ass or this right there is Polo outright lying to Carla. Polo was aware that he was attracted to guys & his main goal of having a threesome with his gf & some other dude was to explore that (or he wasn’t but then the whole timeline is weird bc then that means he liked Guzman sometime during S1 events. idk). First strike.

Then, where else did my dear chaotic bi Polo go wrong? He let himself get pushed & influenced by Guzmán’s nosy ass comments. Polo was ready to help Christian get a modeling job with his mother, to get Christian to like him as a friend, without anything sexual in return

but then Guzman got inside with his head with his “Christian wants to take advantage of you” & then Christian’s whole dismissive attitude towards him & Carla calling him out on being jealous just triggered his Messy Needy Bi brain. So he got Christian to suck his dick over a magazine cover = he took advantage of Christian before he could do it to him. Second strike

And the nail on the coffin was cheating on Carla. Because yes, that was cheating. He lied to her to get alone time with Christian so he could have him to himself. He broke his girlfriend’s trust &, as the principle of their arrangement stated they weren’t supposed to do anything with Christian without the presence of the other: he broke the rules. Third strike.

This last point of Polo’s faults brings us to Carla’s mistakes:

As I pointed above, Carla did encourage Polo in his attraction towards guys. In the examples of: the scene above, when she told him he liked Christian undressed better, when she moved the boys’ chins to see if they would kiss with a smile on her face, even when she pointed out Polo was jealous she was amused by it. She was on board. In fact, she was actually even pushy about it when you come to think of it, which is not good, bc if Polo hadn’t told her then she just had to wait for him to gather the strength to say it, not push him out. But I digress.

It was only after Polo broke their pact that she turned disapproving & judgemental & did that cursed thing of questioning Polo’s bisexuality by saying “I think you like boys more than girls”.

A lot of people like to think that Carla pulled the strings to get herself this double course meal but as I said, that’s not the case. Polo had the idea, it’s just that Carla had the drive to actually pull it off. That being said, the way she decided to get there was controlling and messy, yes. Most of the times, she cared more about getting keeping the threesome arrangement than the genuine concerns and doubts her boyfriends had. Dick got her careless about her boys feelings.

Then there’s the fact that, yk, she coerced Polo into lying about what he had done (which, now that S3 is out makes me wonder a LOT), which ended up getting messier than it needed. And then she also dragged Christian down.

PS. Also, a lot of people seem to have pointed out that Carla was more into Christian than she was into Polo but I feel like that’s a reach. Polo had been her boyfriend for over four years, so ofc, she was a bit more enthusiastic when she was with Christian. But when it all came down, the one she really loved was Polo. Only Polo. (which is also an issue for a polyam triad, ofc)

Now, on to the icing of the cake: Mr. Christian “I’m not aware I’m a huge ass raging bisexual & Im upset about it” Varela. Yes. I said it. Christian’s bi, I got plenty of proof & no doubts.

As I’ve pointed before: Christian was put into this trio clueless. Used. Lied to. The guy had very valid reasons to go “if you want to spice things up in your relationship, get yourself some other guy”. But since he’s a dumb (bi) boy with a Plan, he accepted.

Nothing ever goes right in triad in which one party just “””accepts””; they’re either into it or they’re not. Forcing polyamory is just as bad as forcing monogamy.

That’s not saying that Christian wouldn’t have gladly been a part of their trio had they gone right at it (just, picture it, Polo helping Christian get that fame & recognition he craves, slowly getting close to him. Carla being supportive & reassuring of her interest in them, equally, bam! They would’ve gotten Christian forever).

However that didn’t happen, so instead, we got a Christian who’s core interest was sexual & social/economic. He wanted to be with Carla for sex & with Polo for money/prestige.

There was potential for Christian to realize he’s not straight. Because no straight man looks like this when being sucked off by a guy:

There was potential for Christian to fall in actual love with Carla, too. Potential for Christian to become more than what his parents thought him to be & to exploit that ambitious side of him in something that would’ve made him truly successful. However, Miguel Herran (Christian’s actor) had scheduling conflicts or didn’t wish to be part of the show anymore so all that potential went to waste.

Why Polo x Caye x Val are better

Essentially: because they have none of the above.

Polo has left insecure-about-his-bisexuality Polo behind, he’s grown & knows better than to lie & be pushed around now. Cayetana is in no position of power to be controlling or pushy. & Valerio is fully aware of who he is/what he wants with them from the beginning.

The circumstances have made Polo stop being concerned about what his friends (now former friends) think of him & his love life. In fact, he proudly rejoices in it & tells the people he cares about, about it (Ander, his moms). Polo’s really only hesitation at first was rooted in the fact that his previous try with Carla & Christian didn’t work out.

Valerio comes forward with his equal interest in them as soon as he realizes that’s what he wants. (which is after he learns Polo tried to commit suicide) He makes sure to state, verbally, that he’s into both of them:

& even makes sure that they like him back by asking them. Which they verbally assure Valerio they do. But they’re only saying no because they don’t want to tarnish Valerio’s already controversial reputation, showing that: they care about Valerio at that point already.

Cayetana, for her part, did positively what Carla wasn’t able to, for one reason or the other: constantly be reassuring and supportive of the triad. She’s the one who made sure the triad kept on by just being open & honest about how good it was for them. (”You’re the piece we were missing” to Valerio & “We’re building something nice here. Something worthwhile” to Polo).

When Polo&Christian wanted to call quits & break up the arrangement, Carla forced them back in with manipulative tricks (sex or pressure). Meanwhile, when Polo&Valerio got insecure about the triad, Caye lured them back in with honest, sweet words and reassurance.

Ultimately, the reason they fell apart was entirely fixable had they had had more time, but the season was about to be over & Polo’s fate was already set, anyways.

You can argue Polo x Carla x Christian was hotter or that they felt more organic to you, fine. But they’re not a better trio & they’re definitely not a better polyamship; they had the potential, but the writers didn’t exploit it (& I’m sure that’s because Miguel H got out).

#elite #polo x carla x christian #polo x cayetana x valerio #polyamory #polyam tag #polo benavent #carla roson #christian varela #polo #carla #christian #caye #cayetana grajera #valerio #valerio montesinos #long post #midnight blogging brought to you by karen

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shotosprincess · 4 years ago

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When he loves me — Iwa ♡︎ Oikawa

LISTEN TO: “ CLOUD 9 “ — BEACH BUNNY

ART: UNKNOWN ( i found it as a sticker on picsart since i couldnt find any good iwaoi screencaps so if yk who the artist is plspls lmk !! ty !! )

｡･:*:･-: ✧ :,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

pairing: iwa x oikawa

summary: iwa shyly plays oikawa a song he wrote on a whim ,, and years later ,, after they fell apart ,, oikawa attends one of iwa’s concerts and hears their song,, the song,, once more .

genre: angst + fluff !! <3 ugh i love oikawa my bby but i absolutely love him and iwa together sm too ajjdjjf

a/n: 3am writing for comfort innit (•̀ᴗ•́)و smhsmh it’s lowkey so dramatic ?? idk why i was feeling so melancholic ?? but i live for the yearning anyways lmao <//3

“ Hey...wanna...hear something I’ve been working on? “

Iwa’s voice shifted to one of a far softer tone, unusually uncertain of himself as he gripped the bedsheets beneath him in an anxious hold, turning away from Oikawa whilst a deep vermillion blush tainted his shy-stricken face.

The hazel-haired setter lifted his mouth into a gentle smile, skin mirroring a similar red to Iwa’s. His head lolled to the side, and Iwa swore he felt something flutter within him. The fist which he clutched the bedsheets within closed even further.

“ Sure, Iwa-chan! “

A hard gulp. Iwa swallowed his nerves down, fingers hovering over the strings of his freshly-purchased guitar, hesitant. Trembling, even.

Light wisps of brown swept just over Oikawa’s eyes as he put down the volleyball he had been mindlessly spinning, and covered Iwa’s hands with his own. He looked up with a reassuring grin, deepened-honey gaze colliding with one of the enchanting midnight sky.

“ It’s okay. It’s just me. But of course, you don’t have to play if you don’t wan— “

Iwa swats his hand away. “ Of course I wanna, dumbass! “ He barked.

With a frustrated huff, his fingers find a home amongst the sound as they begin to delicately strum the translucent strings. His eyes fell closed, lost in the music, albeit fairly cliche, as he wordlessly played the song which was most special to him.

For what reason it held such a cherished place in his heart, he did not know. Not truly, at least. Admittedly, he had written it purely on a whim, clutching onto the fleeting remnants of a foreign euphoric high. The crazed rush of fingers furiously clacking against the keyboard filled the silence of his room, lasting well into the evening. He had so much to say, so much to express, and yet it was only through the words appearing on the screen in which he could ever hope to communicate it.

He had never even planned on sharing it. After all, it was merely a crappy, rushed song put together purely by the rawness of an unknown emotion, and during ungodly hours of the night out of all times. It was nothing special, really.

To him, at least.

And yet in a hushed, timid tone, he began to sing:

“ I don’t wanna seem the way I do...but I’m confident when I’m with you... “

Oikawa’s lips parted in sheer awe. The delicate swirls of the instrumental blended flawlessly into the angelic quality of Iwa’s singing. His muscles tensed. He shook it away.

What the hell is this? Was he...nervous? No, no, it can’t be. This is Oikawa-fucking-Tooru we’re talking about!

He could do nothing but stare intently in a silent adoration as he allowed his heartbeat to meld with the smoothness of the melody, sweeping him out of Iwa-chan’s bedroom and into a whole other universe entirely. One where there exists no pain, no sadness, no fear. One where tears dried before they could even splatter upon the ground. One where everything was happy and perfect and...good.

—

IWA

Five years have passed, yet I miss him all the same. If anything, the ache has only grown to, somehow, prove itself increasingly unbearable over the time we’ve spent apart. My stare falls upon my guitar. Not the new one, which is this modern, flashy model with a bold red design, but my first-ever guitar, boasting its worn-out strings and dulled body. The hole in my heart digs itself impossibly deeper.

We had dated not long after that night—the night I played my song to him, and suddenly it became our song. We would whip it out like a handy party trick whenever we’d hangout with the rest of the team, and it was...nice to say the very least. Well, while it lasted, of course. Highschool love, teenage love, is constantly fleeting. Temporary. That was my philosophy at least, until Oikawa Tooru appeared and changed everything. I disregarded every sense of rationality, and all for the blissful rush of romance which he offered. The sneaking out, the small notes snuck into each other’s lockers, the way he draped his jacket over me when I got cold, the tender kisses shared in a darkened room.

I loved it. All of it. And when I lost him, I missed him too. All of him.

I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised, though. After all, teenage love is but a transient feeling, is it not? I had to drill the reiteration of my old motto back into my head when we split, so that I may never allow myself to yield to the temptations of love, or at least the attractive promise of one, ever again. Eventually, we had to go our separate ways. He pursued volleyball, and I chased relentlessly after a different growing passion of mine, though honestly rather unexpected; music.

And now here I am. Sitting backstage at my own show, waiting patiently for my cue. My foot taps a random rhythm against the floor as I mentally debate with myself whether or not my choice for the opening song truly was the best option.

I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

He might be watching.

Fair, but would he even recognize me? Does he even remember me at all? I mean, it’s been so long...

I think he’d remember something as sentimental as the song you first played him. I mean, you were the first guy he ever dated.

Yeah, keyword: “ dated “. He’s probably moved on by now.

Shit, do you think he’s found someone new already? What if he brought them to the show?

Nah, nah. That’s highly unlikely. Impossible, even. The latter, that is. It’s not exactly that popular of a show.

Right, you’re right. So there’s nothing to worry about. Hakuna-fuckin-matata, right?

I suck in a sharp breath as the lights come on, laughing dryly.

Hakuna-fuckin-matata.

—

OIKAWA

My hands fiddle with one another as I push my way past the busy crowd to find a spot amongst the front row. A cheery girl with astonishingly-saturated red hair and an almoat-overwhelming brightness about her, greets me. I scoff, amused.

A fangirl, no doubt. Charming.

“ Oikawa! Ohmygoshohmygosh, Oikawa Tooru!! Hi!! I’m—I’m— “

I glance at the front row, which is only a few steps away, as her blubbered words start to blur together. I laugh.

“ A fan, right? Want my autograph or something? A picture, maybe? “

Her eyes light up vastly and she begins to bounce up and down with the same enthusiasm I’ve noticed to be common among practically all fangirls.

“ YES! Ohmygosh, yesyesyesYES!! “

My grin widens as I click my blue pen, which I carry around for autographs ( oh, the pains of being famous ), and hurriedly sign my name on her collared shirt. It was a fairly pretty garment, I’ll admit, but at this moment I didn’t really care, and I’m sure neither did she, judging by the way she squealed excitedly and took a spam of what had to be a million-and-one selfies with it.

I finally find a place among the jumping people at the front, taking in the atmosphere. The lights dim, and brighter white ones turn on in their place.

The show is about to start.

—

IWA

“ Hey, everyone. I— “ The mic whines with feedback. I wince, wrapping my free hand around it and trying again.

“ I’m—I’m opening with a song that’s very dear to me. I wrote it way back in highschool, but it’s always stuck with me, kinda like a safety net...of sorts. I uh, hope you enjoy. “

Shit, why am I being so damn awkward? I’ve never been this awkward before a show. Maybe it’s because of that damn opening song. Oh well. Too late to back out now.

Irritated, I push the thought away, wetting my lips as the drowning claps and whoops from the crowd cheer me on. My hand hovers just over the strings. It’s shaking. No matter. I close my eyes, and imagine him holding them. Him encompassing my hands within the warmth of his, just like he did all those years, which were now lost in the past. Him looking at me, him telling me it’s okay. Him.

I breathe all my nerves out.

Him.

And I begin to play.

The awkwardness melts away almost instantaneously as I pour every dripping ounce of my heart out into the song, the music swelling wildly with every emotion I had forced in for the dreariness of these five years. My eyes shoot open when the chorus hits. I feel like I’m king of the world.

I catch a familiar set of eyes. Richly brown. Deep.

Oh shit.

My breath hitches when I realize who they belong to; Him. His. He-

No, no, it couldn’t be. Could it?

It felt too real, as if I’ve somehow managed to reduce his very existence to nothing but romanticized self indulgent daydreams of what we once had, woven into the vast vagueness of song lyrics with a naïve hope of what could’ve been. And now here he was, at my concert of all places, for god knows what reason. The colourful lights fell upon his face in the most flattering manner, though admittedly I suppose anything would be flattering on him either way. But under this light especially, at my concert, he looked nothing short of perfect. Of lovely.

But of course he was. This was Oikawa-fucking-Tooru, after all.

The chorus hits with a sharp accent. I belt with all that I am, for the boy who took a rough sketch of a dream and made it reality, for the boy who found an unmatched sense of home among those of his highschool volleyball team, for the boy who wound up so foolishly falling in love with his best friend. For him, for my fans, but most of all, for me.

“ But when he loves me, I feel like I’m floating, when he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody— “

I maintain eye contact with him. It’s scary, burning holes into my tattered soul, which I had pieced together so carefully with cathartic lyrics scratched into the pages of creased notebooks. I’m secretly scared that his gaze will somehow break it all down again. But that’s when I finally understand; it’s him. This, this song, it’s about him. It’s always been about him. There will be no one else, could be no one else for me. That...sheer elation, the unfiltered emotion which sparked this song to begin with—I understood now. That was love. More specifically, love which my chest held for Oikawa. It’s as if I’ve been harshly disillusioned to see what I’d been unconsciously denying all these years, seeing him here. It’s always been Oikawa. How could I not have known? After all, I’m constantly recalling the day he held me in a tight embrace after one of our best matches, happy tears staining my damp jersey as he whispered in my ear the praise I’ve subconsciously always wished to hear.

“ You did good. “

Though it seems painfully mundane, simple to anyone else, it was...different, coming from his lips, hearing it in his voice. I took that compliment and kept it close to me for all eternity, immortalizing it within the varying notes of this song. I stare right back at him with a newfound fervour, an unknown intent, a epiphanic strength.

“ Even when we fade eventually to nothing, you will always be my favourite form of lovely. “

His eyes widen.

—

OIKAWA

My heart clenches as Iwa freely powers through the rest of the song. But during this moment, it feels as though it was created solely for us. As if the universe, as if fate itself had decided that despite the harshness of this world, and every little force fighting to keep us apart, this one moment, if anything, was ours. Truly ours. Our song, our moment. Ours. Time suspended itself indefinitely as the onyx hearth of his gaze finally met with mine. Unexpectedly enough, it stayed there.

And everything fell into place.

The song didn’t take me to a paradise without tears, or pain, or sorrow anymore. It took me to a place with Iwa in it. I realize now that...I want the tears. I want the pain. I want the grief. I want the good and the bad and the light and the dark, so long as I can have Iwa there with me through it all. I want him. All of him. I’ve want to love him enough to love his “ unglam “ moments and his admirable aspects all the same. I want to be there with him through every body-wrecking tear, every hearty laugh, and every glimmer of happiness. I want to be able to see the face he makes during a scary movie, to open an umbrella for him during the rain. I want to see the sunlight glow upon his cheek, I want to count the stars with him until I fall asleep. I want everything about him, for to me, he is everything. And it’s this song...this damned song which brought it all back.

It was ours. And I realize now...it was about...me. I mean, I’ll admit that I’ve always been a little more on the conceited side, but how could you deny it? It had to be. It had to. Had to. I wanted it to, at least. I wanted it to be about me so desperately, it sent a cold pain through my chest. A single, lonely tear falls down my cheek as the crowd around me erupts into a sea of laughter and off-tune singing from the audience.

What if it wasn’t? I mean, you guys broke up. You told him you moved on. Yes, it was a lie to lessen the pain, but he didn’t know that. What if it was about someone else completely and you’d just been an idiot this whole time? What if—

The concert comes to a close much faster than I thought it would, much faster than I would’ve ever wished for it to. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, but my legs move before I even have a chance to question them. I’ve always been one to think before acting, hence why I’m such a star on the court, but this time, my emotions seem to be taking over. I don’t know what’s come over me, what this unusual, hot feeling is. It’s exciting and intimidating all at once, and I hate it because I know what it must be. In a hot flash, I find myself standing at the door of Iwa’s changing room. How many bodyguards I must have recklessly shoved out of the way to get here in the blur of adrenaline, I don’t even want to begin to think about.

My hand freezes over the door. “ Iwa “ is engraved in bold gold letters with a deeply-etched star sticking out at the bottom. Taking a deep breath, I knock frantically.

“ I-Iwa-chan? It’s uh...it’s Oikawa. “

—

IWA

I pause in the midst of buttoning up my shirt. A solid three are left undone. But his voice...how could I ignore it? Ignore him? I haven’t heard his voice in what feels like eternity, but I’d be kidding myself if I had said I’d forgotten it. The constant yearning was always so irritating. Such a pain. At least it made for decent music, I mean, I’ve been booking shows. But alas, one problem before another.

“ O-Oikawa? “ I slowly pace to the doorknob as I twist it open.

Holy shit.

It is him after all. He hasn’t changed a bit. He remains the charming, handsome man I remember him to be, even after all this time has passed.

“ How’d you get—why are you here? “

“ Iwa, there’s...there’s just...there’s something I need to ask. “

“ Huh? “

“ That song...our song.... “

“ Shit, right! I, uh...sorry. I didn’t ask you about it because I honestly didn’t expect you to show up at all. It’s been what, five years? “ I stumble subtly over my words, rubbing the back of my neck.

He turns away sheepishly. Almost...longingly, even.

“ Yeah...it has. “

He clicks his tongue.

“ Who, uh...who was that song about? The curiosity’s been eating at me. “

A heat rises to my cheeks. A pause.

“ I—It—Ugh, fuck it. “

I’ve never been the best at talking directly to Oikawa, not since I realized that what I felt for him extended to something past the bounds of friendship. So I decided to do the only thing I knew to do in that moment—show him instead.

My lips crash against his as he slams the door behind him. The palpable tension between us is shattered immediately, and everything is faded out into insignificance. All that matters is the man in my arms, the man I’d been longing so desperately, so hopelessly for all this fucking time. I kiss him against the smoothness of the door, hands immediately trailing to his soft locks. I twirl and twine them as I see flashes, bright hues of heaven itself. His lips upon mine are the most perfect fit. His touch is painfully intoxicating, and I show him, wordlessly, with an unparalleled fervour—just who the song was about. He melts into it, matching my energy with a foreign sense of passion.

—

OIKAWA

“ Do you think...the universe is gonna try to separate us again? “ I ask softly, voice barely even a whisper. Tears wet my lashes at the very thought of being without him again. For those five years, though I was living my dream...it didn’t feel complete. Not without him. I blink them away aggressively, focusing on the night sky above us. My head is resting in his lap, and we’re simply...existing together beneath the curtain of darkened pools which hung above our twined bodies.

Iwa strokes my hair nonchalantly as he interlocks his fingers with mine. “ Of course. It always will. But we found each other didn’t we? And even after...even after this life has passed and we’re reduced to nothing but ash, I’m convinced we’ll meet again. One way or another. “

He tucks a straying tuft of hair from brushing my lashes.

“ Even then...even then you’ll still be my favourite form of lovely. Or whatever. “ He scoffs at his own over-poetic response, looking away with a tiny smirk.

“ Okay, Mr. Songwriter! “ I tease, nudging his side in a playful manner.

He rolls his eyes, bending down to kiss me once more.

For the first time in a long time, I feel complete. I’m on cloud 9.

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu fic #haikyuu oikawa #haikyuu!!#fanfic #oikawa oneshot #oikawa scenarios #oikawa fic #iwaizumi x oikawa #iwaoi #iwaoi fic #iwaizumi imagine #iwazumi imagines #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime

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putschki1969 · 5 years ago

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Favourite and least favourite kalafina songs?

Oh boy! Questions like this are always so hard for me. I have no trouble listing my faves but when it comes to my “least favourite songs” it’s a real struggle for me.Those who have known me for a while are probably aware that I am not the hating type. Haters are usually quick to provide a list of all the songs they consider to be “garbage”. But it’s not that easy for me. There might be songs I dislike but there is not a single piece of music by Kalafina that I outright “hate”. I don’t have it within myself to hate or bash something that Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru hold dear to their heart.

Having said that, there are a few pieces that I tend to skip whenever I listen to an album or watch a live performances. So I guess those will be the songs that make up my “least favourite list”. Typically what bothers me will be their “singing-style” (too high, too screechy, too thin/too breathy). Then there are songs that just lack a certain harmony, they sound disjointed to my ears. I don’t know what it is but it keeps me from fully enjoying the music. Last but not least there are songs that have just never managed to touch me on an emotional level. Maybe it’s because I haven’t listened to them often enough, not sure…

Please keep in mind that I do have a weird taste and more often than not my opinions do not align with the overall consensus in the fandom so some of my picks might come as a surprise to you. Without further ado, let’s get started 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

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Top 10 least favourite Kalafina songs (in chronological order)

Love Come Down (aside from not really liking the general sound of the song, I am not a fan of Hikaru’s singing style. Not very flattering and a tad too squeeky…Keiko’s cutesy singing doesn’t help)

in your eyes (in your eyes suffers from the same problem as Love Come Down but at least here I don’t mind the chorus and of course I appreciate the nature of the lyrics. If it weren’t for those lyrics we wouldn’t get all those sexy interactions on stage. But yeah, generally speaking, I don’t go out of my way to listen to this song)

to the beginning (this was probably their first “mainstream” anisong and incidentally it is among my least favourite. There are few Kalafina songs that get the audience as hyped as this one so I know I am pretty much alone with my opinion but yeah, this song doesn’t do much for me unfortunately…I never watched the anime so maybe that’s why)

signal (I know this is a fan favourite but for me this song is just too chaotic. I prefer my songs to follow a certain structure…also not a fan of the accordion…I do however love the drums in the beginning and Hikaru’s general badassery)

misterioso (I wouldn’t go as far as to call this song chaotic but it’s certainly lacking some sort of overreaching harmony. It just feels a little disjointed during certain parts, at least to me)

lapis (sorry Keiko, I wanna like it but I can’t. Something is missing, it’s a bit boring I guess…which is really surprising to me since I am a huge sucker for ballads. I am usually the one who is into all sorts of ballads [e.g.Hokage] which tend to be written off as boring by the rest of the fanbase)

ring your bell (I would probably like this song more if YK had written it differently. Right now it’s just too fast/difficult/high and neither Wakana nor Hikaru can manage those notes without sounding screechy. For the most part YK knew how to use their voices to create amazing music but occasionally I wonder what went through her head when she decided to have the girls sing in a certain way…it’s not flattering at all…on a brighter note,I do love the bridge!)

monochrome (the accordion again…and more chaos….you can see a pattern, right? There is a type of song that I really do not enjoy…which leads me right to the next song on my list…)

Musunde Hiraku (I wanna love it so bad because Wakana in particular loves this song so much. But unfortunately I can’t bring myself to like it. I don’t know what it is but for me it’s another one of those unsettling songs that feel kinda all over the place. I also just noticed that a lot of the songs I dislike have one thing in common, they don’t have a proper build-up, they start rather boldy and sudden, it almost sounds random. Not sure how to explain it but it applies to misterioso, signal, monochrome and Musunde Hiraku)

blaze (this doesn’t really deserve to be on the list since I don’t think it’s any worse than let’s say heavenly blue or One Light which I both like a lot. However, I haven’t been able to connect with the song at all ever since it was released. I think it’s mainly because I have never seen it performed live. Yes, I have watched footage but I have never actually been there for one of the performances. Plus, I think the song just doesn’t get enough attention from me. I am sure if I listened to it more often I would start appreciating it. It’s really not a bad song)

Top 10 favourite Kalafina songs (in chronological order)

Kimi ga Hikari ni Kaete Iku (does this even need any explanation? I think we all know that this is my all-time favourite Kala-song. I even plan to get a tattoo of parts of the lyrics one day…there are no words to describe the love I have for this song. Forever grateful that they sang it at their 10th Anniversary Live and that I got to hear Wakana perform the acoustic version at her symphony concert)

ARIA (it is without a doubt one of their best songs and it made me fall in love with Hikaru so for me it’s all the more special. Unlike most people, I actually prefer the “new” version of ARIA because there is just more emotion behind it. They really nailed it at their 10th Anniversary Live. Personally I like to use ARIA to introduce Kalafina to other people. It’s a great introduction song)

Natsu no Ringo (I don’t know the exact moment but at one point I realised how very much I love this song. It happened without me noticing. Don’t get me wrong, I always liked it but I never really considered it to be among my favourite songs. But throughout the years, I started listening to it more and more. Turns out that right now this is actually among my most-listened-to tracks on my playlist. Who would have thought…?)

red moon (duh…one of Kalafina’s most epic songs. How can it not be on this list? There is a reason it is loved by so many people and why they performed it at pretty much all of their lives. If there is one song that’s representative of the awesomeness that is Kalafina then it is “red moon”)

Magia (another epic song and one more example of why I love Hikaru. I know, I tend to favour Wakana and Keiko most of the time, I guess that boils down to personal taste. However, I have just as much love for Hikaru because with songs like this she manages to touch my heart with her passion and emotional delivery)

Yane no Mukou ni (just like Natsu no Ringo, this song snuck up on me. I always liked it but until recently I had no idea how much I actually loved it. Seems like I have a huge weakness for summer ballads)

Hikari Furu (the singing, the harmonies, the melody, the lyrics, this is a perfect ballad. A perfect song. Wakana is killing it in all the more recent performances. And I can never get enough of Keiko’s “mabushii asa”)

Tsuioku (instant love. When it first got released I listened to nothing but this song. All day long. It’s forever stuck in my head and I love it to death)

Koibito no Mukashigatari no Yuugure no (do I even have to say anything? Amazing harmonies, so much epicness. Seeing this live was life-changing)

Hokage (this must seem like the most random choice to a majority of the fandom. It’s one of those ballads that never got a lot of love because it’s apparently too much like all the previous Kalafina ballads but not as good as them. I beg to differ. There is something about Hokage that strikes me on a very emotional level. Not so much the lyrics because those are not all too special. It’s the melody that makes this song stand out to me. Then there’s Wakana’s singing and Keikio’s lower harmonies…absolutely divine. Last but not least, that combination of the piano and cello! I could listen to this song every day and not get tired of it. I agree that Hokage sounds a lot like some of their older songs [e.g. sapphire] and I honestly enjoy them all equally but for some reason Hokage has a special place in my heart)

Honourable mentions

sprinter (it’s no secret, I have never liked the regular version. A few years back this might as well have been part of my least favourite list. But when I watched their Arena Live acoustic version, I had an epiphany. Ever since then I can’t get enough of this song. It’s a tragic ballad at its heart but the up-beat nature of the original version managed to trick me into believing that it was something entirely different. It was my own fault for not looking up the lyrics sooner. Back in the day when I first listened to “sprinter” I didn’t know any Japanese and later on I always skipped the song…so yeah, it took me ages to appreciate the song and I definitely prefer the acoustic version so I thought I shouldn’t mention it in either of my lists)

Kagayaku Sora no Shijima ni Wa (this was my very first Kalafina song that immediately made me fall in love with them. It has a special place in my heart and I can never get enough of it but there are just other that I love more so it didn’t manage to get into my top 10)

We Wish You A Merry Christmas (since this is a cover I feel like it doesn’t really count but there is no way I cannot mention it because I absolutely ADORE this song. It has become my all-time favourite Christmas song and I am listening to it literally every season of the year)

Hyakka Ryouran (this is by far my favourite among their more “generic” anime theme songs but I might be a bit biased since it’s the only one where I provided a translation of the lyrics so I thought it would be best to list it here as part of my honourable mentions. Unlike most fans I do like a fair share of their mainstream anisongs. I actually love “heavenly blue” as well as “One Light”. And if it weren’t for Wakana’s strained singing style I would be all over “believe” because I really like the melody.)

#kalafina #reply #wakana #keiko #hikaru #favourite songs #least favourite songs #Anonymous

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survivormontenegro · 5 years ago

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Episode 10: “It’s Like Giving A Baby A Glock” - Mo

I’ve been tricked, I’ve been backstabbed and, quite possibly, bamboozled.

So like here’s the thing, the person I thought going into merge I could trust the least is apparently now my closest ally. That’s Julia. I thought everyone was on the same page of voting out Tom like oh we’re gucci. But fucking quick fake out, no such thing as Tom getting voted out. I literally started hysterically laughing because no one was answering me when I asked what happened on the call. Now I don’t know what to do but I’m still just gonna have fun.

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operation vote alex was a success. i feel really really awful because he looked so upset, but he was just too powerful and couldn't stick around any longer ahh. in other news sleeping beauty tom is so funny, he almost self-voted himself out of the game I am truly screaming. i was determined this season to make up for the last time we played together and i think i got to do that ahh.

in other news... i need to go into hiding. i have done way too much in both of the last votes, and its really gonna start getting me some attention unless i really really go under the radar. me and jules are the only people who voted both ian and alex, and on call with jason i think its obvious to him now that us two are close eek!

i feel like mo is a good next vote, he is much more of an outsider than jones and is an easy vote which is what i need since im in such a highlighted position at the moment eek, i really think i'm gonna go like 8th or something, so we will see how that little pickle goes eek!

New Goal Bootlist: Mo > Jones > Jason > Julia > Mitch > Me/Caeleb/Jules/Benj/Tom F5, ahh I love everyone left way too much this is gonna become such a pickle when I don't wanna vote out like.... half the tribe EEK. lets just hope its all smooth sailing till i idol someone out eek.

i do not expect to make FTC, but I just wanna use my idol correctly before I go askljdfa. Also new jury rankings if I get booted 10th:

Jules > Jason > Benj > Caeleb > Mitch > Jones > Julia > Tom > Mo

Caeleb shot up my rankings for being open to a move, Jason would be a major underdog if he makes it to FTC, Jules is too woke and deserves votes, and Benj is playing a super smart game ha! We will see, but I sure do not expect to last much longer in this game KLASDFA

HELLO!!! This game has been chaos lately. Firstly Ian gets blindsided and I knew it would be a split vote but had no clue he was leaving wow... but then this round all the people who organised that got blindsided with the Alex vote hehe. I didn't vote him bc my vote was publicized by Ian even tho I didn't vote him smh but I fully knew about it and kinda helped with it even tho its mainly caelebs move

Alex was super nice I liked him but it was purely for game he was the biggest threat and we were almost certain he had durmitor idol so! Even with tom self voting it worked wowow so I guess jules also voted with ali/caeleb/mitch/Jason

I don't talk to Julia or mo but IM SO SAD ABT JONES I DONT KNOW IF SHE KNOWS I KNEW OR NOT BUT I LOVE HER AND HOPE SHE DONT HATE ME

But whew this merge has been so crazy and I love it. Im kinda becoming floaterish again but that's fine bc we see threats leave early like ian and alex so! this should work for a while... altho im terrified to even make the end cuz its a live finale tribal AHHHH but idk if I will make it there anyway we will see. prob not .

Current rankings (strategically)

1. Ali - MY KINGGGG FOREVER!!!! Best duo ever and I don't think anyone knows it... we have voted differently again so its like perfect cuz despite doing diff stuff we still tell each other everything. and I hope we find merge idol so we have 2 hehe

2. Caeleb - Omg we have been working together a lot more closely lately and I really like it hes fun to work with im so sad I voted him 2 rounds ago LOL but its ok since its going to well now! king

3. Mitch - Only person ive been on every tribe with, usually always on the same page w stuff

4. Jones - LOVE HER QUEEN! she would be like tied 1st for personal but so far we have voted diff both times at merge oops! but still wanna go far with her

5/6. Jules/Tom - Without really talking about strategy we were still on the same page. Tom aussie king. JULES FRIENDLY QUEEN!

7/8/9. Jason/Julia/Mo - I just don't know how to talk to them really lol but all nice . my fault cuz maybe im so inactive... love u guys still

IDK WHATS NEXT BUT I WANNA MAKE TOP 9 ATLEAST!! Single digits again yus

Ok ok after tending to my needy cat, taking a shower, and taking a short 6 hour nap that others may call sleep,,, I’m 60% in the right headspace to gather my thoughts I think.

Last nights move was so good, I hated it Bc I wasn’t included in it but it was so good. But also seeing Alex literally on the verge of tears was NOT so good. That was actually depressing. Granted he WAS the biggest threat to win and he was on the verge of becoming an extremely controlling paranoid person - but dammit the combination of Mitch/Ali/Jason/Jules/Caeleb/Tom (to an extent) got us SO good.

BTW I can say with like 95% certainty that those were the 6 people involved w Alex going. It only makes sense to me that it would be? Ali/Mitch/Tom straight up TOLD me why they did what they did, Jason Bc why the fuck would he vote out Tom, Caeleb has expressed so much paranoia ab Alex that I’d be shocked if he wasn’t on board w it, and honestly Jules just hasn’t said anything ab anything and Alex went home w 5 votes, Benj and Julia voted Jason, Mo was VISIBLY shaken by Alex going, and I know I didn’t do it. So unless I’m missing someone in my process of elimination, those are the 6 people involved in the murder of Alexander Crooks.

Also on a couple unrelated notes - I’m thinking ab willing my vote cover to someone. I just don’t understand why I should be afraid of being exposed - I feel like I shouldn’t have anything to hide yk? Assuming I have to expose my vote I mean, hopefully I don’t! But ya

Also literally the round Before last round I think Caeleb actually exposed the plan to blindside Alex to me ? Like he was talking to me ab Tom and Ali wanting to get him out and then I approached Ali ab it and he was like no that’s not a thing BUT IT WAS A THING!! I think Alex was supposed to go last round, but Bc I confronted Ali ab it then it got pushed back??? Or it was legit just meant for this round smdmmdmd but um ya that’s might be the same plan?? So maybe I’ll expose Caeleb a bit hehehehe.

But honestly tho I think this could be really good for me in the sense that every single person thought of me as a duo w Alex - now I’m kind of a free agent who can do whatever the fuck I want!! Which is fun, the only true alliances I have w people now are just w benj and mo, which is cute and also I doubt anyone would target them anytime soon ? Tom seems like he’s still open to working w me, so are Ali and Mitch. Julia was also blindsided hardcore so maybe she’d be down to work out something too ? Right now I’m just holding out hope knowing for a fact that I CAN make this situation better. I’ve literally BEEN in this situation 2 times already?? I can do this! Just like Co-Star always tells me.

Wait just kidding on the Julia thing I can’t trust her either, I can only trust Jones at the moment.

So I found out from Benj that there was another split vote led by Alex. Last tribal he failed to tell me that they were going to vote out Ian instead of Jason. So this time around, when I found out that they were going to do the same thing to me again, I knew there was no going back with my new connection with Ali. The more I talked around with everyone the more the pieces started to align. Tom and Jason were targets so they would be easy to get involved. With me and Ali that's already 4. Mitch was going to be the fifth, and Jules as well if we felt like he wasn't going to go for it. I honestly wanted to vote Jules first tho, and I talked to Ali and Benj about that originally, but Ali had reservations as Jules is SUCH a flipper. AND THEN Julia voted so early, so I kinda went up to everyone in this new group and was like, "okay that was arrogant I think she's trying to be funny but thats enough for me to vote her," and Ali was way more into that so for a couple hours we had that going. BUT MITCH WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Like we had our four and we were ready but Mitch didn't come on line until like 40 min before tribal. And when he did he was like I'm voting Alex. I really didn't want to go for Alex right away because of a couple of reasons. One being that if he heard of this vote in anyyy way he might be able to get Jones to play her idol for him and that could destroy everything. SECONDLY, I knew that if we voted him then I was gonna have to do some SERIOUS damage control with Mo and Jones but if I had the opportunity to vote out Julia instead, I can go back to them and say that I knew I had to take the opportunity to be involved in the decisions but I didn't want it to be any of them. SOOO last 40 min I had to make a really big decision if I was gonna vote Alex or Tom and ultimately, I chose to vote out Alex. It just would put me in a better position.

I am so glad I did it to be honest. The moment I saw Alex's name five times I knew I made the right decision. I felt Happy and I felt Free. Alex was clearly using me as a failsafe, an easy first vote out once Me, Mo, Alex, Jones, Julia, Jules, and Ali were left. Now, this game is open up not just for me, but for everybody. I seriously think anyone can take control at this point. I don't need it to be me, I just need it to be someone who likes me. I think Jones is the most dangerous player right now, because of her idol. But I have kept that to myself, as well as her advantage, because while I might have to play the middle ground, I'm not a snitch.

Everyone is always so obsessed with being a hero or a villain. Going into Tumblr Survivor as a new player I really wanted to find out what type of player I was going to become. If I was gonna fit into one of those roles. I don't know what I am. I kinda feel like a villain because clearly that was a devious move, and I broke a strong alliance, but also I feel like I was a villain by default. I didn't necessarily want to be that player, I actually would've loved to have felt safe in that group. But trust has gotta go both ways, and if you show me two tribals in a row that you don't trust me to tell me the whole plan, I'm not gonna stick true with a group that sees me as expendable. So sure I was a villain, but it wasn't about vengeance or deceit or ill-will. It was to put this game back on a balance, and move me into a new spot that can work for me.

Okay, something I have learned about Survivor is that you have to put your Pride in Check. Tom is so nice to me, says a lot of things along the lines of "thanks for saving me," "you and I can go far in this," and such. And he told me he wasn't going to vote me in the first merge vote, and I think he believes that he fooled me. I know he voted me. He's literally the only person that would think voting me was the majority vote, except Ian and Jason. I wanna tell him that I know so badly so he doesn't think he's pulling one over me but I can't because I want him to think he can work with me, that I am in his pocket because he "stuck his neck out for me" or whatever.

Also ummm Mitch told me that Alex had a planned assassination on me for the last vote before merge. But he didn't tell me until after the Alex vote and said Jones was in on it. I know better than to trust what Mitch tells me for sure, so I don't think I will even go and fact check him on it. I honestly don't know how that would've helped Alex in the slightest so I don't know if its true, but also Alex likes to throw out my name as a "just in case" so god who knows. Regardless, I doubt I'll use this information for anything because it honestly doesn't matter going forward, other than that Mitch is a little bit of a snake.

hehe

So I won the reward challenge because I’m cool.

Have

Fucking clue

What to do with this

Like all three of the people voted Alex off without telling me about anything and I was in an alliance chat with all three of them (Ali & Jules in Space Jam, Caeleb in Durmitor Dominators) so like of course I was sad because that meant I was on the outs. Truth be told I kinda wish I didn’t win this because it’s like giving a baby a glock. Because I don’t know how to come out of this without people thinking I’m holding a grudge.

okay so mo won reward which is okay! I dont really wanna ask him to save me, because that will require making promises that I dont know if I'll be able to keep. I expect to be cursed this round.

touchy subjects is going to tank my game like CRAZY. I'm worried that Caeleb, Benj & Jules could all say they trust me most which is highkey terrifying, because if I win that it'll send red flags to all of them. I expect to win the shady game ones, about lying and flipping on alliances and stuff which is not as bad because I can just blame that on Space Jam which I told Caeleb about.

My big fear and this could just be ego-talking, like when I thought I was gonna win the lists challenge and then came second last but I'm so worried about getting the will win if they make it to the end category, thats... a death sentence in my opinion.

Wanna do like a quick update for each person too, just so I can look back when they all hate me at the end of the season:

Benj: my KING. He is such a legend, I love talking to me and do not think I would ever be able to vote for him, except at FTC! Wanna go super far with him, super super far!

Caeleb: Oh god I'm already realising the problem, which is that I love everyone. Caeleb I did not expect to get as close to, but he is so so fun to talk to! I'm really giving with him, and I think he is close to Benj too, so could be a good endgame person too. Will see on that one.

Jason: I love him! I for some reason convinced myself that he hated me during the swap, but I dont think... he does? he is SO smart and fun, I'd love to vote for him at an FTC. Ideally he needs to go before then, but I've lost Ian and Alex who were great shields so he acc probably needs to stick around.

Jones: Okay Jones is tough. Like... we stan becausee she is so much fun and I love talking to her. But talking game with her right now is tough because we have this weird poor communication and I'm conscious of not making empty promises when I want to see her go soon. I really like her on a personal, but I see either me voting her out or her voting me out.

Jules: what can I say except we stan. I talk to her and Benj the most by far, they are just consistently showing why we love them! I think they are such a threat, but I cant face the idea of voting them out eek! Wanna go super far with Jules because I LOVE THEM and they are a great friend and ally!

Julia: I messed up with Julia BAD. I should've told her about the Alex vote, I really think she would've been down, and it would've been so much better. Now she is upset and paranoid, and I feel so bad. I did her wrong and need to make it up to her, but I dont know if I will be able to eeek!

Mitch: he is so funny HDJDKDKD, like the way he talks is so funny. I've had a real rollercoaster relationship with him this season, but I could see some sort of alliance of me/Caeleb/Mitch/Benj coming together in the future! We will see ahh!

Mo: I've been quite harsh about Mo in confessionals this season but I feel like this vote gave him the kick he needs? Like he was playing it super safe and while it frustrates me seeing him say stuff like just keep me to F7 and such, he is, as always great to be around and a lotta fun!

Tom: Sleeping Beauty Tom. It's so funny to me that he stayed despite self-voting and sleeping. He is so much fun, I was determined to make up for our last game and I think I have ahh.

Summary is I wanna see Jones and Mo out next, then Mitch & Jason, then Julia leaving a F5 of Caeleb/ Me/ Benj/ Tom/ Jules? Thats the dream anyway ha!

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like I've backstabbed/betrayed a good amount of people in this game and it's hard because sure they were moves that had to be made, but I hate being THAT PERSON. I don't know. Here's a confession Johnny, I'm trying but I'm bad at these.

So Mo said he was going to give me the reward tonight. He definitely doesn't talk to me as much and is much less excited and fun to talk to but I think I need to just accept that. The fact that he came up to me to tell me he's giving it to me, rather than me asking, makes me think he's telling the truth.

Plus I am being honest with him when I tell him that I don't want it to be him next. I hope he knows that.

Jones meanwhile has yet to say anything to me after last tribal. I finally messaged her last night, saying that I didn't mean anything towards her when I voted Alex. I hope she'll come around, but if not, then umm I kinda have no choice but to be wary of her and her idol and might have to do something about it. I don't want to though, I do wanna work with both her and Mo.

I actually think Julia is on my side. I can’t tell if she’s lying but she seemed upset because apparently no one talked to her about the plan to vote out Alex.

I'm bored at work. This tribal council is Odd as Hell. No one wants to throw out names, no one wants to seem too schemey, so everyone is just talking about being nervous and concerned. I honestly don't know who I want to go home because I think this vote is going to determine the course of this game post-Alex. I know I sure as hell don't want to come off as someone who is dictating the votes, so I'm trying to make it clear that I am willing to go with the flow with anyone who needs a vote rn.

I think there are people who have my back hopefully that will tell me if I need to be worried at least. Ali hopefully would, Tom *hopefully* would (but who knows hes sneaky), Mo was nice enough to give me the reward but um the Alex vote has changed him, I miss the old Mo. come back. Jones finally is talking to me again, but she's still trying to keep some secrets about the last couple of votes so I don't fully trust her. Benj hopefully would, but I was surprised he talks to Julia so much. Jason hopefully would, but now with Alex gone his game opens up tremendously. Julia would never tell me. Mitch wouldn't tell me unless it helped himself which I can't imagine happening. Jules probably wouldn't tell me because she's the easiest to convince into doing something no matter what Touchy Subjects said. She's literally flipped allegiances like every single vote ever. I hope I can survive tonight because I think this is going to be a pivotal vote and literally anyone can go home tonight (except Benj who has the sweet immunity).

HI um I think this game is broken? No one will say anything to anyone. Did I do this? Did I break this game? Or maybe we all did? Maybe Ali did maybe Jules did maybe Mitch did because us four are the middle people and we created an atmosphere where no one trusts anyone? or everyone trusts some people and none of that fits into a substantial person to vote?

I'm literally laughing rn. I am logging off. I am not going to focus on this game because literally every person just says "I don't want to throw a name out" "I haven't heard anything" "what have you heard" Like the gravity of this is crazy. This has gone on for HOURS. I don't know what to do so I am going to ignore my messages for like an hour and then reanalyze because Damn.

APPARENTLY NO ONES SAYING SHIT. But like part of me is like “Hm.... Yeah ok sure...” thinking it’s gonna be me. Because either everyone is lying to me or everyone’s genuinely confused.

okay i did a video confessionals that's uploading which has my thoughts from a couple of hours ago.

since then jules is pushing for mitch to go... but its so tough. mitch i think has my back, i just wanna vote mo and delay this war by a round. I just want someone like Mo or Jones gone, its getting tough. I'm playing the middle and am in a web of problems.

I have to have Jules back above all. Benj is safe, so I need to keep them safe. I need to get the vote on like Mo or someone, but Caeleb wants to vote Mitch or Jules too... ugh this is getting really messy and I'm worried and tired.

Idk if I sent this yet but

youtube

At the moment rightnow it seems like it’s Jules or Mitch, right now I think,,,, the best way to vote is Mitch. I’m Trying to get everyone on the path for mitch because I think Jules is falling in the “I’m a big threat wah” category and I want that to keep growing,,, I just feel,, so awful.

Mitch if you’re reading this ily w my whole heart and I still wanna crash Drew’s library w you some day

i am... what we call in the business, trash. i upset mitch and deserve to be voted out for it. i'm snappin' hearts on my way to FTC LORD.

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