#i feel the need to point that out this was my first hyperfixation ever I'm not even kidding

[posessed-machine]

𖤐 Repost from main blog auauauau 𖤐

If you're on my blog for The Boys content, feel free to just skip past this post - ♡🥩

BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I'm well aware this is a jarring disconnect from my other art. I've been stressed with college stuff happening, so I wanted to draw a comfort from my childhood rq. Don't worry, I'll get back to my usual content very soon - ♡🥩

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Headcanons for Jennifer Check with an autistic S/O?

I love this idea so much- I took inspiration from some of my own experiences so this might not apply to everyone but I certainly did my best! I really hope you like it <3

Jennifer Check with an autistic s/o

Warnings: brief mention of meltdowns/sensory overloads, references to ableism/ignorant people, very brief (somewhat) joking mention of committing murder (it's Jenny, what do you expect), very salty and blunt language that I'm honestly not even sorry for

I honestly think Jennifer would appreciate dating an autistic person, especially if you're the type who's very straight forward or overly blunt about things

She probably thought you were a bit of a bitch at first I'm not gonna lie lol, but she makes that assumption about pretty much everyone when she first meets them

You'd seen each other around school before but your first real conversation was when you were paired up for some sort of science project. She was not looking or feeling like her typical hot and fabulous self, and while you weren't the first to notice you were the only one brave enough to point it out

"Have you been getting enough sleep recently? You have really heavy bags under your eyes"

Jennifer wanted to snap at you at first, thinking you were being sarcastic (because obviously she had bags under her eyes, she didn't need anyone pointing it out) but much to her surprise you didn't look like you were making fun of her. In fact, you seemed a little concerned

"Your hair looks pretty damaged." You continued, oblivious to the look of utter shock on her face that you would actually say something like that out loud. "If using both shampoo and conditioner is too much of a trouble I can recommend some two-in-one products. Or you can always use dry shampoo in between washes"

The woman was too stunned to speak. All she was able to do was mutter an awkward "thank you", something that you simply nodded your head at before turning the conversation back over to the project

She gained a lot of respect for you that day, as you were the only person who wasn't afraid to say what everyone was thinking (though she soon learned this was due to you not knowing what was and wasn't considered 'appropriate' to say)

Out of everyone, you're the one person Jennifer goes to (other than maybe Needy) when she needs an honest opinion on something because you won't lie to spare her feelings or try to flatter her

"Which tank top do you think I should wear to school tomorrow, the pink one or the black one?"

"Well, the pink one makes you look like slut. But the black one makes you look like both a slut and a bitch, too"

"Perfect. Black it is, then"

If you ever accidentally make a situation awkward or uncomfortable by your comments or questions you won't even have to worry about being embarrassed because she'll immediately come out with saying something so bitchy and/or vulgar that whatever you said looks innocent in comparison and is forgotten about right away

She'll get very protective if people try to purposely make you feel bad for the out of pocket things you say. After all, you're just telling people the truth, it's not their fault if they can't handle a dose of reality (her words, not mine)

Even though she loves to party she'll most likely either tone it down or just stop going altogether when she finds out you don't like them all that much because of the loud music, bright lights, small spaces crowded with lots of drunk people, etc. She'd rather be with you any way

Always lets you infodump to her about your newest interest or favorite thing, which truly shows just how much she loves you as she usually always has to be the one dominating any conversation she's a part of. Sometimes you wonder if she ever really listens until she gets you something relating to your latest hyperfixation and then you're like "ah okay so she does care :D"

Honestly she's such a trashy mcbling y2k girly (canon, she told me herself) that I feel like she's the type of person to buy you stim/fidget toys and then help you 'bling' them out by gluing on fake rhinestones and such because "you can't just walk around with boring accessories"

Is she the type of person to tease you/make a bunch of sex jokes if you have an oral fixation? Yes. Will she start carrying around lollipops, gum, chew rings, etc. in her purse to give to you when you're feeling distressed in a public place? Also yes

Totally understands if you don't like/can't eat certain foods due to pickiness, especially if this is after her demon possession. She goes out of her way to make sure the pantry is stocked with your safe foods and all your favorite snacks for whenever you come over so you won't run out of them

She may not be the best at comforting you if you're in the middle of a meltdown/sensory overload or if you start crying (especially if it's over something small) but she tries her best to be gentle, not wanting to accidentally make things worse. If you need physical comfort then she'll gladly let you wrap your arms around her and get as close as possible, but if not then she'll stay a safe distance away while trying to cheer you up with words of encouragement

Absolutely hates ableist people. Hates and will eat them /hj. She can't stand when people make you feel bad for not understanding certain phrases or not being able to pick up on social cues

If you're ever confused on something then she takes the time to explain it to you, and yes this includes her sarcasm. She can't stop being sarcastic for anyone, including you (sorry) but she can make accomadations so you don't feel stupid or left out

Jennifer finds your stimming so adorable, especially if you do it when you're excited to see her. The fact that you get so happy you have to make a physical show of it just to get the extra energy out warms her cold, otherwise unfeeling and bitchy heart

If you're a really physically affectionate person then she one hundred percent welcomes it and allows you to touch her at literally any given moment no matter where you are. If not, then that's all the more reason for her to feel special and loved if you ever do give her, say, a hug, especially if you have an aversion to touch

Speaking of which, if there are any clothes of hers that you don't like because the texture of it bothers you/makes your skin crawl then she simply won't wear them around you, and might even get rid of them so you can feel more comfortable touching her. This includes making sure her bed always has the coziest pillows and blankets and comfiest sheets for whenever you spend the night

Overall I think Jen would love you no matter what personality quirks you may have regarding being autistic, and she would never fail to tell you just how much she loves you for them

Main masterlist | Jennifer's Body masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated <3

🏷 taglist: @anxiously-sad @iloveentrapta @ghot-girl @taecube @corn3liiia @gilmore-angel @your-next-daydream @alexxavicry @noisy-dumb-piece-of-shit @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous (if you were crossed out it means I couldn't tag you for some reason)

[wistfulforstars]

Your Medicine, My Medicine

Summary: You know how to deal with Tech’s periods of hyperfixation. He’s yet to deal with yours.

Warnings: Here there be fluff! However, my blog is not for minors - Begone! Some vague allusions to sex, teasing, reader is tired, Tech is a bad influence, the squad is hopeless, reader is afab

Part 1? This one got away from me - it was only supposed to be a quick oneshot. I haven't decided if I'm going to do a spicy follow-up.

“Oh yes, go babysit this special squad of elite clones, it’s going to be so fun!” you muttered angrily to yourself, pouring over a sea of half baked statements, equipment requests, and unpaid expenses. 

A headache began to form behind your eyes as you continued to grumble, “The tall one won’t blow you up, the one with the toothpick definitely doesn’t have an attitude problem, and their sergeant absolutely knows how to fill out a mission report!”

You picked up one of said mission reports, a mostly blank page that just said NAL HUTTA. INFILTRATION. COMPLETE. scribbled across the top in Hunter’s untidy scrawl. You tossed it to the ground and thunked your head on the table, taking a moment to lay there. You needed a drink. You wondered, not for the first time that evening, where Crosshair could possibly be keeping his stash of premium Corellian whiskey.

It had been about a year since you’d joined Clone Force 99 as their Communications Officer, and every end-of-month report analysis had gone pretty much the same way. No matter how many times you’d asked your squad to be more organized, to add more detail, to consult you on expenditures, none of your instructions ever seemed to stick. Usually your superiors let it slide. This was CF99, the Bad Batch. Nobody really expected these troopers to be great at paperwork. 

But the squad had an inspection coming up. The first since you’d joined them. And they’d wracked up twice the expenses they were budgeted for, with all receipts buried in a massive pile or half singed from blaster fire. You were about to have some serious answering to do, and the only explanation you’d come up with so far was sorry sir, excuse my Shyriiwook, but how the fuck am I supposed to control these dipshits?

You had a feeling that wasn’t going to cut it.

Briefly, your mind wandered to Tech. If there was anyone on the ship who could help you sort through this mess, to see the patterns in the chaos, it was your resident genius. But he was unfortunately indisposed.

You would be lying if you didn’t say that Tech, even from the very beginning, had always been your favorite. You had clicked on an intellectual level immediately, way back on your first mission when you’d corrected him about a tradition practiced on that particular planet. Instead of being offended or taken aback by your knowledge, Tech had swiftly asked you for points of reference that he could pour into after the mission. He’d then thanked you for your input, and began deferring to you on matters within the realm of your purview. You didn’t know if you’d ever felt such a quick, simple appreciation for your talents before. It was…invigorating.

Tech listened, really, truly listened when you spoke, and always seemed incredibly flattered when you tried to return the favor. Conversation flowed naturally, often well into the night. He was polite and kind, and you’d almost go so far as to say chivalrous in his way, especially lately. Sure, all the boys usually treated you with an added layer of courtesy. You suspected it was because they didn’t quite know what to do with a woman on board. Wrecker seized heavy things from your grasp almost on instinct. Echo was so respectful it was almost disquieting. Hunter had procured extra blankets for your bunk and always made sure you had plenty to eat. And Crosshair…well, he had offered you a toothpick on occasion, but you weren’t sure if that was an attempt at bonding or if there was just something in your teeth.

Tech though…he’d started standing or sitting up perfectly straight when you entered rooms. He scolded the others for being too loud while you were trying to sleep. He was constantly finding something of yours to “fix” and then give back to you. And just a few days ago, he’d begun this little habit of offering you his hand when leaving or returning to the Marauder. As if you needed help going out the door. You’d practically squeaked in surprise when he looked up at you with earnest brown eyes, daring you to take his offered hand. Crosshair had laughed, but Tech hadn’t cared. He’d just continued to gaze at you patiently, handsome face mostly hidden by goggles and helmet. The air charged with electricity, and when you finally took hold of his hand, you could feel his warmth seeping through his glove. It felt like something between you shifted in that moment, like an invisible string had been spun and tied. You had to admit it was nice to feel cared for. It was sweet. He was sweet.

Too bad he wasn’t here.

The only problem with your… friendship with Tech is that it was sometimes unreliable. He would have these periods where he’d “go dark” as you put it. He’d get his head into a new project or concept and tune out the world for days at a time. Not sleeping, barely eating, and totally fixed on whatever new task had caught his attention. When you inquired about his well being, he would answer in vague, single syllable sentences, or worse, not at all. Being ignored didn’t feel great, but you always knew he’d come out of it tired yet pleased, and ready to show you what he’d been working on. 

However, it would be really nice if this weren’t one of those times. He’d gone under about two days ago, and hadn’t shown any signs of emerging since. You wished he was here to look through this pile with you, tell you how he’d tackle a conundrum like this, or hell, even just keep you company. His ability to focus and problem solve was one of your favorite things about him. It was no wonder he could get so much done by tuning out the world for a few days…

Suddenly, it hit you. Your head flew off the table, and you gazed down hopefully at the sea of papers, a wild look in your eye. Nevermind that you hadn’t slept yet. Nevermind that you were a little dehydrated. Nevermind that Echo still had you on concussion watch after your last mission.

That’s it! you thought. All I have to do is take a page out of Tech’s book, and this will be done in no time!

You lunged for your neglected datapad and got to work.

***********

Tech made his official appearance back into the world around 36 standard hours later, and he was very pleased with himself. He’d developed a prototype for new soundplugs for Hunter, and he couldn’t wait to force them upon his Sergeant. But first, he couldn’t deny his irrepressible urge to show you. You had always appreciated his experiments, and he always appreciated your insights.

Not to mention, he felt you were both… ah… growing closer. Tech had been interested in trying to initiate a more intimate bond with you for a few months now. Only after sufficient research into being a desirable partner and numerous mental exercises for practice did he feel comfortable moving on to the most logical next step: trying to see if you were interested in him in return. His test of trying to hold your hand to help you down from the Marauder had been a definite success. You’d met his attempts with brief shyness, amused puzzlement, and eventually (if he read your body language correctly), anticipation. That was most encouraging indeed. He focused hard for the next few days on getting through the development of his latest prototype, not because it wasn’t a fascinating project, but because he wanted to create more free time for himself. Free time he could use to observe, interact with, and, well, woo you.

His hesitance wasn’t only due to the fact that your affections were hard to read - though you did keep things with the squad painstakingly friendly and professional. Tech was fully aware that he wasn’t the most dynamic or exciting romantic choice amongst his brothers. Echo had a patience about him that he couldn’t hope to emulate, Wrecker was practically built out of fun and carried affection in every bulging muscle, and Hunter and Crosshair had a quality that the holonet had simply called ‘the bad boy thing.’ 

You were bright, achingly beautiful, and more endearing than you had any right to be. It was Tech’s opinion that one person should not be so utterly enthralling - it was simply unfair to the rest of the population. Particularly the occupants of this ship, who all adored you. You could rightly have any one of them you wanted. But yet, surrounded by such obvious choices to warm your bed and your heart, you chose to spend your time at his work table, chatting about nothing and everything. That alone gave him hope. Hope that perhaps, if he paid attention to his research and did not stick his proverbial foot in his proverbial mouth, you would grow to return even a fraction of the affection he felt for you. He could hardly wait so see how you’d been faring the last couple days.

Except every single one of his brothers were currently blocking his way.

“What possible reason would you four have for loitering outside the door?” Tech’s voice came out sharper than he meant it to. 

But none of them even looked back in his direction.

Echo turned to Hunter with a grin, “You lose, sarge. Tech came out of it first.”

Tech frowned, “While I appreciate being completely ignored when I ask a question-”

“The princess has picked up your little habit,” Crosshair tossed back at him through a toothpick. 

“My…habit?”

Wrecker finally spared him a glance, “Shortstuff hasn’t said a word since day before yesterday.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “She didn’t even want to raid the rations with me. I’m gettin’ worried.”

“Wait,” Tech said, alarmed. “You mean she hasn’t eaten?”

“Made her a sandwich yesterday,” Hunter replied, and Tech parsed through the gruff syllables to hear the concern in his voice. “She nibbled at it and kept right on with her paperwork.”

“D’you think she’s mad at us?” Wrecker fretted. “She yelled at us before about receipts.”

“And Hunter’s reports,” Crosshair sneered.

Hunter became defensive in turn, “I’ve told her before, command doesn’t care about reports, they care about results.”

“And that’s clearly made it through her thick skull, good job-”

“Boys, we really need to make sure she drinks something-”

“Should I pick her up, or-”

“How well did that idea work with Tech? He got so scared he tased you-”

“Wasn’t so bad, and I don’t think she has a taser-”

“Maybe if Crosshair hadn’t bought that new attachment-”

“Maybe if Hunter would learn to write the fucking alphabet and not scribble whatever he usually-”

Tech had heard enough. Clearly, something was very wrong with you, and he had missed it carrying on with his own experiments. He tried very hard not to let that thought consume him. You needed assistance, and his brothers were being anything but helpful. 

Using the controls he’d built into his vambrace, Tech commanded the door they were all lurking inside of to whoosh shut, nearly colliding with Hunter’s nose and snapping the end of Crosshair’s toothpick. All four of his brothers turned to glare at him. He stood tall, not bothering to hunch.

“Tell me exactly what happened,” he commanded, and he barely recognized the assertive tone in his voice.

Hunter, though, looked at him with a knowing glint in his eye. Echo sobered up. Crosshair smirked, the expression slightly undercut by his frayed stub of a toothpick. Only Wrecker seemed vaguely surprised.

“She said she was gonna go do her reports,” he shrugged. “We got an inspection comin’ up or something. Next thing we know, she’s got her nose stuck in her datapad and she won’t snap out of it.”

“Won’t sleep,” Crosshair grunted. “Tried to give her tea to help. She poured it out.”

“She took my spare soundplugs,” Hunter added.

“And you can only get grunts or single word answers from her, if she answers at all. ” Echo nodded in Tech’s direction. “It’s exactly how you get when you’re trying to focus. Like she’s channeling your methods or something.”

Tech crossed his arm, “She must be very worried about how the inspection will reflect on her. Did anyone tell her that half the time the officer doesn’t even bother to show up? And when they do, we pass on successful mission count alone?”

His brothers glanced at each other, silent. He sighed, “Perhaps, since these are, as you say, ‘my methods’ I can get her to snap out of it.”

Hunter brightened almost immediately, and if Tech weren’t so worried about you - had you really not slept all this time? - he would be a little wary of the snide glance his sergeant sent the rest of the squad.

“You know, Tech, that’s a great idea,” Hunter clapped him on the back. “In fact, since this is a delicate matter that you know so much about, would you mind if we left it to you?”

“That’s right,” Echo added, now also sporting a winning smile. “You’re the best man for the job, Tech. We’ve tried everything, it hasn’t worked. And we were about to go out for supplies anyway.”

Crosshair even joined in, toothpick miraculously replaced, “The town’s some distance away, so we won’t be back till after nightfall. Might have to spend the night out there. You can help miss perfect sort herself out while we’re gone.”

Tech glared at his brothers. How subtle did they think they were being?

Kind Wrecker hesitated, “Will she be alright though? Tech?”

He adjusted his goggles, clicking his teeth together, “I will do everything I can for her Wrecker.”

Crosshair snorted behind him, and Tech whirled on his squad, already heading towards the door, “Laugh all you want, but you and your discourtesy caused this, all of you! That woman has been much more help to us than we’ve ever been to her, and if you come back without copious signed and annotated receipts for everything you buy, you will not be setting foot back on this ship! Do you copy, troopers?”

Crosshair laughed his way out the door, but Hunter nodded sincerely before departing. Echo sent a salute Tech’s way with his scomp, before dragging Wrecker, who looked like he might start crying, out of the ship.

The door shut, and Tech locked it from his vambrace for good measure. Silence.

Finally, he headed down through the doorway to get a glimpse at your exhausted frame, folded nearly in two over your makeshift workstation. You didn’t stir as he approached, but perhaps that was because of the soundplugs in your ears. 

Your eyes, frantically scanning a shoddy piece of paperwork, were red and sunken. You mumbled nonsense to yourself in a voice with a slight tremor, and Tech could have sworn you had lost weight since he saw you last.

His mind ran through different possible reasons you might have ended up like this, and then twice as many tactical and complicated scenarios in which he could try and get you to stop and get some rest. But he found he was becoming too concerned for any of those. The diminished light in your eyes, the lack of luster in your hair, it was all instilling in him a less-than-dignified response akin to panic. Tech was a survivor of countless dangerous encounters, but none of them set him on edge quite in this way. 

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, he reached out carefully and laid a hand on your shoulder. No response. He frowned. 

“Meshla,” he spoke quietly yet firmly. “I am going to remove your soundplugs.”

He reached both hands out and plucked them from your ears, but aside from a waved hand and a mumbled, “I told you to go away, Hunter,” you didn’t react. Your eyes remained glued to the form.

Alright, he’d try not to be too offended by that. He, after all, was sometimes slightly confused when he came out of a hyperfixated state, and he was too knowledgeable of himself to not see how hypocritical he was being.

He leaned forward, and his mouth nearly touched the back of your ear, “It’s not Hunter,” he breathed. “It’s Tech.”

You jumped, startled, and whirled around to face him, “Tech! Oh…hi, Tech! W-when did you get, um, get…?”

“Just a little while ago,” he answered. “And imagine my surprise when I come out only to find you working yourself to death.”

At this, a little fire crept into your dull eyes, “Throwing stones in a glass ship, Tech?”

“Don’t start that,” he warned. “I am genetically engineered for more stamina, to require less nourishment, and with the capacity to-”

“Don’t start that,” you barked. “I can gauge for myself how much stamina I have and how much nourishment I require. Poor little nat-born me has months of paperwork to sort through-”

“Paperwork that does not technically need to get done,” he said, and he saw the way you furiously zeroed in on his raised pointer finger. “We will pass inspection regardless.”

But you weren’t giving up, “This is my job, Tech! It might not be a state-of-the-art invention or a new fucking discovery, but it’s mine, and I don’t appreciate you trivializing my role on this ship!”

With that, you turned back around sharply, and started tapping on your datapad so hard that Tech thought he might have to replace the screen. He stood there for a moment, assessing. Clearly, this required a little more than your usual style of interaction. You were tired, and more prone to anger than he’d ever seen you. He’d been attempting to appeal to your own sense of self preservation, but you might be needing a more emotional approach.

Fine, if you wanted to play hardball, he’d play. He smoothly invaded your space, your hunched shoulders to his front, and leaned over, placing his hands on the desk at either side of your body.

“Wrecker is in near tears with worry,” he began, low in his voice. “And I guarantee you Hunter’s having trouble getting to sleep with you up and moving all night.”

Your head jerked a little, but you didn’t answer. Tech covered the hand tapping at your datapad with his own, curling his fingers around yours. His other hand took the pad away, set it down as far as the desk would allow, and went up to stroke your hair. He could feel the tension in your shoulders loosen ever so slightly. 

He’d never touched you with such familiarity before, never felt such palpable intimacy. His heart sang as you allowed him to gently caress your hair with feather light touches. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever snapped at me like that before,” he said gently. “But then again, you’re usually well rested and well fed.”

“Not funny,” you huffed. You tried to wriggle out of his hold, reaching for your datapad.

Tech felt a surge of protective frustration in his chest. He’d never seen you this stubborn. You were taking your well-being far too lightly and he was officially tired of it, “It was not meant to be funny,” his voice was a little sharper, a little rougher. 

He seized the back of your chair, and pulled it out and around. Then he kneeled before your slumped form, and took both your hands in his own, “I can see now, that you do not understand how seeing you exhausted and neglected affects me. Allow me to correct that.”

“Tech-”

“I care for you,” he declared, words spilling from him recklessly. He had to get you to understand. “Acutely. Intensely. In a way that is often beyond my control. And I will do everything in my power, employ every skill at my disposal to avoid seeing you come to harm. Even if the one doing that harm is you.”

You blinked rapidly, surprise flooding your glazed eyes, “I-”

But he would not hear your excuses, your dismissals of his concern, “This is bad for your health, bad for my mental state, and ultimately, bad for the squad. I implore you to sleep, to-”

“Please listen-”

“No, mesh’la, there is no excuse-”

“I like you too!” you shouted, a shaking hand touching his lips to stop him from talking. 

Tech froze. Oh stars…he’d told you, hadn’t he? Kneeling on the dirty floor, both of you exhausted, in the middle of a disagreement. 

So much for his carefully curated plans to romance you.

You let out a slightly manic giggle, probably at the slack-jawed look of idiocy on his face. Your hand moved to cup his cheek, “Any ploy to win an argument, huh?”

Tech quickly laid his hand over yours, alarm rising in his chest “I assure you, cyar’ika, this was anything but a ploy. I did not intend-”

“I was teasing, Tech,” you laughed again. “Believe it or not, I’ve been thinking something was up for a couple weeks now.”

He cleared his throat, sheepish, “Ah, yes, well…I was trying to ascertain if you were remotely interested in pursuing an amendment to our current relationship.”

“You know, you could have just asked.”

He felt his cheeks heat up, “I was trying to present myself in the best possible light.”

“Oh, honey,” you smiled. “You do that every day. Though I won’t lie, helping me down from the ship was very cute.”

He sighed, relieved, “That is excellent news. The field of romantic attachments is completely foreign to me. I’ve been conducting research for weeks.”

“Oh? What kind of research?” your eyebrows rose.

“Standard romantic practices for humans,” he began listing off. “Romantic gestures in different cultures, sexual acts and techniques, common date ideas-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” the grin on your face grew wide with mischief. “What acts and techniques?”

“Sexual,” he affirmed with a wave of his hand. “And a lot of my research into romantic-”

You laid your fingers against his lips again, “Oh no, mister, you don’t get to just brush over that one. You looked into the best techniques for getting me into bed? Before you even told me you were interested? Overplanning much?”

“Actually,” he mumbled beneath your hand. “It wasn’t about getting you into bed, rather more about what to do with you once you were there.”

You giggled, rolling your eyes, “No matter how smart they are, pretty boys are all the same. Tech, that’s something we figure out together. Something we talk about and learn about as we go.”

Tech felt something very warm and light settle into his chest, “I understand what you’re saying,” he took your hand away from his mouth by the wrist, before examining it closely, reverently. He placed a brief kiss to your knuckles, and nodded to himself when he heard your little gasp. “But a woman like you, spectacular and brilliant as you are...you deserve the best in every regard. I have no experience to draw upon, so I decided to supplement that with knowledge. Carefully stored and memorized, of course”

He gazed up at your face, some of his nervousness from the past few weeks bubbling to the surface again. There was always a possibility that you wouldn’t be interested in a partner with no experience in the bedroom. But your eyes were shining, and that gave him hope.

“Tech,” you shook your head. “Did it ever occur to you that I might want to be the one giving you a memorable, enjoyable first time?”

He inhaled sharply, his heart hammering in his ears, “I will admit, it did not.”

You hummed, leaned forward, and reached for his face, drawing him up to your own, “Is this alright?” Your breath fanned over his lips, his chin. 

Tech found himself nodding, a little too frantically, and the next moment your lips were on his, and oh, this was very different from reading about kissing. His heart rate spiked, his hands twitched of their own accord, yearning to grab hold of you, and he was suddenly all too aware of his own body. His goggles fogged up. His cock tightened in his bodysuit. 

Then you grasped the nape of his neck and moaned into his mouth, and that was all it took to break his hesitancy. He grasped at your hips, and, utilizing a strength he didn’t usually have need for, he stood up with you in his arms. You wrapped your gorgeous legs around his waist and ground against his zipper. He gasped, and you took advantage, tongue darting inside, teeth nipping at his bottom lip. 

Tech sampled your mouth in turn, rubbing your hips with his thumbs, before slowing and gently pulling away. He stared at you, breathing hard. Your pupils were dilated with want, your lips swollen, and your fingers played with the little hairs at the back of his neck. You were completely and utterly perfect…

And you hadn’t slept in two days. 

You leaned in to kiss him again, but Tech rested his forehead against yours, still catching his breath, “This is not going any farther tonight, darling.”

He wished he had his recorder on. The pout you gave him was positively adorable, “Why?”

“Because you are tired beyond your limits, and I would be horribly remiss to have you exhaust yourself further by trying to perform for me in any way.” Not usually one for making himself feel strong or manly, Tech found he did like the weight of you in his arms, of your hands clinging to him. Depending on him. 

“And,” he interrupted before you tried to argue. “Even though you thwarted my long and meticulous plan to confess my feelings, I still reserve the right to woo you.”

You snorted a little, “Woo me?”

“Yes, mesh’la. I would like to spend some time with you in a romantic capacity before we run away with our urges.” He began walking you both back towards the bunks. 

“B-but! The boys are gone!”

“Which means we will not have to put up with Wrecker’s snoring,” he said simply. He plopped you into his bunk, but hesitated before he took off his first piece of armor, “I can take you back to your bed, if you prefer.”

But you just grinned and shook your head, “Don’t you dare. If I don’t get to break my three year dry spell, I better get to cuddle.”

He raised a brow, logging that bit of information away, but began stripping his armor and tossing it on the floor. He crawled into bed and felt his face warm at how you immediately attached yourself to his side, “I would like to take you out tomorrow.”

You yawned, the stress of everything finally catching up, “Yeah? Where would you like to go?”

“Anywhere,” he stroked your arm. “On a walk, to a nearby town if there is one. Maybe just to see the sunset.”

You hummed contentedly, “That sounds nice,” and you leaned up to kiss his cheek.

Tech, well he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to it…he melted, “How does a woman like you have a three year dry spell?”

You chuckled, “Break it for me and I’ll tell you all about the short string of losers, cheaters, and one particularly scary bounty hunter that had me swearing off men.”

“Hmm… I find myself more and more grateful that I decided to research this topic.”

He frowned, still unenthused by the idea of laying back and letting you do all the work. He would much rather be the one performing, excelling at pleasing you. Plans began to form in his head, of romance, seduction. He didn’t read through hundreds of articles for nothing, and he was determined that you would be pleased. 

“Tech,” you insisted, but your eyes were closed and your words were slurred. “I’m serious, we’re gonna… make your first time about you, whenever it happens. We’ll do whatever you want to do.”

He decided to try something small before bed. Just a taste of what he had in store for you. One article he’d read mentioned the best ways of initiating interest, and one of them was… talking to one’s partner. In a very particular way,  “But… what if what I want mesh’la… is to have you under me, limp, pliable, hoarse from screaming my name?”

You shivered at the deep voice he’d employed, and Tech waited, amused, as you struggled find words. This was more fun than he'd expected. He leaned in again, lips grazing your ear, "No more skipping meals. No more going without sleep."

"Tech-"

"Promise me," oh he delighted in the wicked, taut energy between you. He wanted to stoke it higher, hotter. "Promise me, and maybe tomorrow we can discuss all the ways you want to make my first time memorable."

Your breath hitched, and you let out a sweet little squeak, but you kept ahold of yourself enough to give a bit back to him, "Only if you promise too. That you'll start sleeping properly. I'll sleep next to you every night if you just come to bed."

Tech sucked in air through his teeth, heart pounding against his rib cage, "I will...try, mesh'la."

He kissed your ear, satisfied when he felt you quake again, "Then get some rest, darling. We're both going to need it."

"Thank you. So will I."

[yandere-wishes]

Long ramble anon here, I'm happy you liked my long ask I was just concerned that I put way too much as I have a tendency to hyperfixate snd overexplain, hence the tldr at the end. To be honest ever since seeing the fox beastman I've been on a bit of a kick with theorizing things for him. (Did the same thing with Rollo hehe) Anyway, if you want some more of my takes I'm happy to share.

Alright so you know how beastmen retain some of their animalistic traits? Well my brain immediately goes to what this means for their romantic endeavors and courting behaviors. Not much is known about the courting process for foxes, but we do know that scent marking and loud vocal barking is used to attract a mate. How does this carry over to a humanoid fox? Well, my theory is that he will likely give his darling something like his coat, or spray whatever cologne he uses on their things or use more of it when he knows he's going to see them. As for the loud vocal barking you better believe my mind immediately went to him just belting out a serenade for his darling, regardless of how he actually may sound I think he's self-assured and prideful enough to believe this would definitely entice his soon to be mate.

Another interesting thing about foxes is that they are monogamous to a fault, rarely ever taking another mate after the passing of their partner, instead remaining loyal until their own passing (at least this was what I've read in my admittedly surface level research). To me this means two things, 1) once Fellow sets his eyes on a darling that's absolutely it for him regardless of how he has to get them by his side it is an inevitability so if they would just be a good dear and surrender early on everything could be so much better, and 2) should anything unfortunate befall to his darling he wouldn't ever fall for anyone else and likely never fully recover emotionally.

Tldr; The fox man would woo his darling with his surely illustrious (at least to him) voice and his cologne or perhaps natural pheromones, and once he woos them Fellow would never so much as look at another in the same light.

Don't apologize Anon!! I love it when people send in long asks about their hyperfixations!! It feels so endearing and sweet and makes me want to give you a big hug!! I'm literally the same when it comes to hyperfixate and overexplain, when I'm obsessed with something (TV show, movie, game, etc) I need to feel it in my veins!! Plus being able to chat about it with people on Tumblr is always one of the best parts!!

I can't stop laughing at the thought of Fellow sending his darling with loud obnoxious barking 🤣🤣 Bonus points if the reader is a regular human and just stares at him confused, while Leona, Ruggie, and Jack just nod in approval in the background (or in anger and disbelief, depends on the scenario). The idea of him sharing his cologne and jacket with Reader is actually really sweet. I like to think that some ways down the line if Fellow ever had to go away for an extended period of time. Reader would just cuddle into a corner hugging his jacket and spraying some of his cologne on herself. He'd be so delighted coming home and smelling his scent so strongly on his beloved.

I love this!! Just Fellow knowing that reader is the one from the first look 😍😍😍😍 He's so smitten and lays on the charm extra thick. Wanting them all so badly and doing anything to get them. If Reader should die (Lord forbid) Fellow definitely wouldn't get another partner BUT he'd also go the extra mile and try to resurrect them. Magic exists in Twisted Wonderland so I'm sure someone out there has the ability to raise the dead. He'd do absolutely anything to hold you in his arms again.

Look Reader is getting a really sweet deal here. A tall handsome man (+ bonus he comes with A SUPER FLUFFY TAIL AND EARS) with a smooth voice, and a charming personality. Willing to give her anything, do anything for her, and make sure she had the best life imaginable. He's physically incapable of cheating and would fawn over the reader like a lovestruck puppy. He's literally just perfect!! Ignoring the manipulative tendencies, obsessive behavior, and ability to maim someone with his teeth😊😊

[crowandmousewritingco]

Late Nights

Pairing: Marcus Pike x gn!reader

Words: 673

Rating: G (mentions of anxiety spirals)

Summary: Your brain keeps you up and a certain FBI agent keeps you company.

Author: Mod Mouse

Notes: I wrote this after having a particularly bad anxiety night so I hope this helps others when the brain juice is no good. Also unrelated but I'm surprised I've never written for this Marcus before considering my love of art so I have a feeling I will write for him more!

Late nights weren’t a new thing for the two of you. One a curator for the Smithosian’s American Art museum and the other an FBI agent dealing in art forgeries. There was always a case that needed extra work done after office hours. It was typical for the both of you to see the wee hours of the morning fueled by the strongest coffee. 

But today wasn’t one of those times. This time it was your own damn head keeping you up to the wee hours of the morning. At least with the reports you could control when you could fall asleep. But your brain was a fickle creature. Uncontrollable anxiety spiral was the choice for tonight. You had to distract your brain. 

The tv slowly played in your living room. A past favorite show playing as background noise to keep your mind from spiraling anymore. The warm cup of chamomile you held in your hands is your only hope for any semblance of medicine tonight. Absent-mindedly you watched the character repeat the same scenes that at this point you have memorized. 

The female protagonist goes on a date with a guy from her office. He says all the right things and she thinks to herself “I can’t be falling for him.” But the more they talk the more they both realize the same conclusion. Cheesy but you love it. 

You were so sucked into the comfort show that you didn’t realize your husband had walked into the living room. “Honey what’s got you up this late?” You turn to see Marcus standing at the edge of the hallway, flannel robe wrapped around himself. A Christmas present from your first Christmas as a couple all those years ago. 

“You know. Sometimes your brain mixes the wrong kind of cocktail,” You shrugged tiredly. 

Marcus frowned softly. He knew you too well not to notice the use of humor to deflect the situation. “Hun,” He said softly as he sat next to you on the couch. 

Your body unconsciously leaned into his side, like you’ve done for the whole time you’d been together. “Can’t fool you huh?” You chuckled with a sniffle as tears pricked your eyes. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Or you don’t have to. I’m more than willing to stay up with you,” Marcus offered gently, kissing your head. 

You took a minute to gather the scattered remnants of anxious thoughts before you replied. “Just do you ever have those moments where your brain decides to sow some throw away thought but then you hyperfixated on it which makes you spiral. Something like that,” You answer, sighing. 

“Can’t say I’ve ever had exactly that sort of thing happen, but I can imagine that it’s scary.” Marcus gently rubbed your side with his hand. 

“Ya it’s not fun,” You answer cuddling closer into his side. 

“Is there anything I can do?” Marcus asked. “Want me to break out those cookies you bought?” 

You giggled loving Marcus’ need for sweet popping through. “No, I think this tea and you will be enough for me tonight.” 

He smiled and leaned down to kiss your head. “Then that’s what I shall do for you.” Marcus held you close as you two watched your favorite show. The noise and the comfort of your husband is enough to finally allow you to close your eyes and sleep. 

Eventually Marcus noticed your breathing evening out. Carefully he turned off the TV, and set the half-full mug on the coffee table to deal with in the morning. Gently as to not wake you, he scooped you in his arms and carried you back to your shared bed. He laid you down on your side before sliding into the covers on his side. When the blankets covered your both, he leaned over and gently kissed your head. 

“Sweet dreams my little sunflower. I’ll protect you from those awful thoughts.” And with another forehead kiss, he pulled you close as the two of you fell back into a gentle sleep.

All Works Taglist

@for-a-longlongtime @romanarose

Pedro Character Taglist

@littlemisspascal @burntheedges

@carusolikey @thebeldroramscal

@morallyinept @lady-bess

@pedrostories @rivnedell

@pascalsanctuary @readingiskeepingmegoing

Thanks to the lovely @saradika-graphics for the dividers!

[hunter-sylvester]

Skullflower is Autistic: A Breakdown.

Buckle the fuck up.

Disclaimer: Don't take any of this too seriously.

Also all of this was written over a year ago with only minor edits. I'm just posting it now cause it's been rotting in my drafts and, like, fuck it.

I've wanted to try and make a comprehensive breakdown like this for a while just because I love these characters and very heavily interpret them all as autistic (with ADHD as well.) But this is just the perspective of one guy. And I probably overstate it but the fact that we can all have our own very personal interpretations about media is what's great about analysis & fandom.

Hunter Sylvester.

Yes I'm doing Hunter first, what do you think I am? Unbiased? Please.

Autistic Perfectionism. Hunter's autistic perfectionism is something I've mentioned before and somewhat struggle to describe satisfactorily. But to me the most obvious example is his inability to deal with the idea of Emily joining Skullfucker as a cellist. Obviously, there's the queer angle to this but I think two reasons can play a role at once. He's in love with Kevin so he doesn't want a girl that Kevin picked to be a part of their band. Additionally, I'd argue that he can't deal with the idea of having a girl cellist as their bass player because it in NO WAY fits the mental image that Hunter has in his mind of what he wanted Skullfucker to be. It doesn't match the perfect idea that he's dreamed of, that he holds onto for dear life, so he can't deal with it.

Hyperfixations. "Hunter's been into a lot of things since I've known him but he's stuck with metal longer than any of them." - Kevin. Need I say more? Well, I will anyway. The guy hyperfixates. I think the closest thing we have to a canon confirmed hyperfixation is Dungeons & Dragons. Because of what in my mind is a combination of Autism and ADHD in Hunter, they don't fully leave him. He still likes and plays D&D, but he's not as obsessed with it as he used to be when he made his dad buy him the most ridiculous game terrain that fucking lights up.

Special Interests. I think one of the easiest claims to make is that metal is a special interest for Hunter. He entrenches his entire life in it and reaches for it when a stressful situation happens to try and make himself feel more okay. (getting his hair cut off by Skip and relating his new look to Jason Newsted) It's clearly something that comforts him, having been obsessed with it ever since his mom left. Which, regardless of the specific circumstances, is a horridly stressful situation for any 12-13 year old.

Struggles with social interaction. He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He gets along with Robbie, Kevin (obviously) and the people he plays D&D with but that seems to be it. Especially whenever the situation gets very stressful, Hunter's mind immediately reaches for his comfort interest to try and make it through (or to lash out). He can't easily just be comfortable in a strange social situation. Or a strange situation in general.

Stims. Hunter stims by playing guitar. That's it, that's the whole point. And there's this little move:

Kevin Schlieb.

Neutrality. The way Kevin just takes Hunter and Emily as they are feels autistic to me.

Struggles with social interaction. And he clearly wants it to be easier for him. He wants to connect to people but he doesn't know how. It's not like he doesn't understand people. He does. He understands Hunter better than Hunter understands himself. "sometimes he's not so nice to people when he's uncomfortable" "You are afraid of everybody" "you treat everybody like shit and you make them hate you" But that understanding of how people think and work doesn't translate to his direct interactions with most of his peers. Maybe because he understands other neurodivergent people but not neurotypicals. The fact he does have a decent read on, at the very least, his best friend could also be indicative of the extra work Kevin has had to put in over the course of his life to try and understand people to begin with.

Directness. A lot of Kevin does feel direct to me. I suppose in a 'what you see is what you get' sort of way. He obviously has the whole protagonist thing going on which tends to end you up with pretty neutral, earnest and open characters.

Stims:

Emily Spector.

Gets overstimulated. Emily's outbursts could be attributed more to a struggle regulating her emotions. It's not a huge stretch to assume her mystery medication is a mood stabilizer. However, the idea of it being a combination of being overstimulated and then no longer being able to deal with her anger on top of the distress she's already feeling feels apt to me. This is a stretch, but, we only ever see her have outbursts at school. A nightmare environment for the stimuli sensitive. Emily is by far the character out of the main three we spend the least time with, which could easily explain my previous point away. We hardly see her out of school to begin with. But I think there can be merit in taking it as a part of the story, rather than an incidental effect of her being left by the wayside.

Black and white thinking. "So first you tell me that I should hate him, and now you want me to help him?" - Emily. No, he didn't say you should hate him, Emily. "You have every right to be mad- especially at Hunter!" - Kevin.

Directness. I mean she literally calls up Kevin to ask him if he wants to go fuck in a parking lot and more power to her. But it is very direct.

Struggles with social interaction. And apart from Skip & Co. having a particular hate-boner for Hunter, Emily might actually be the most widely ostracized for her lack of social finesse. Which would check out because society is brutally cruel to girls. Kevin is shown to have some positive interaction outside of the other two main characters, so is Hunter. And, yes, so is Emily. But it's only with the janitor of the school, who she is implied to have had previous interactions with. Having your only friend at school be the fucking janitor is not a neurotypical experience. I know I certainly got along easier with a handful of teachers than I did with my peers back when I was at school.

Whatever this is. Fam, I've BEEN there...but it's not neurotypical:

A 'little' note to end on: I want to state that I love all three of these character very dearly. I don't pretend that I don't have a favorite, but they are all amazing. There's various reasons why Metal Lords is such a comforting movie, but a big one, is that the characters act in a way that feels incredibly familiar. They act like me. They act like my autistic friends. We make weird facial expressions, we understand the world and each other through our interests. The way all of them talk feels so close to home. (The swearing is actually part of that. A lot of real people swear and over-censoring of that tends to bug me but that's kinda beside the point lmao)

[reason-with-the-underdog]

highkey tho cyno & kaveh's friendship is my favorite

1) when kaveh is like "i won the interdarshan competition and all i got was massive trauma, a concussion, & this rare TCG card. hey cyno, you wanted this right?"

cyno: wait but this is rare ��🥺🥺 kaveh: eh i dont need it and then cyno is like "yo. srs tho. ARE YOU OK?? i will help you"

LIKE SWEETIE.... and then him giving kaveh mora which kaveh immediately spends on a fancy meal out for the family

at this point cyno doesn't know about kaveh's bankruptcy and tbh im not sure he ever finds out?

2) THE POST-COMPETITION MEAL WHERE EVERYONE JUST MAKES FUN OF KAVEH FOR TALKING ABOUT ALHAITHAM SO MUCH....

kaveh & cyno are both so earnest like neither of them should be sarcastic they're not good at it 😭😭😭

KAVEH GENUINELY THOUGHT CYNO WAS WARNING HIM ABOUT ALHAITHAM'S PRESENCE

anyways kaveh in his voiceline about cyno says that he needs a beer before cyno's jokes but that means he DOES like them sometimes

3) the fact that cyno had a bad impression of alhaitham pre-AQ bc he only knew of alhaitham from hearing kaveh rant to tighnari & collei about his insufferable roommate (& maybe seeing their message board debates)

& being the sweetheart that he is, he's going into this thinking

"that's him. that's the man who stole the show from my carefully planned jokes at dinner the other night by being terribly annoying to kaveh. apparently he doesn't put away his books??? which is a serious trip hazard actually. i'm on my guard 👁️👁️"

and then in classic alhaitham fashion, alhaitham makes a horrid first impression (he would rather make zero impression at all, thank you)

like of course cyno & alhaitham are naturally suspicious of each other bc of their akademiya affiliations but like STILL

it brings me much joy to know that before they became genuine friends (going from "nodding at each other in passing on the street" to "we always go to the tavern to celebrate" 🥺)...

cyno was primed to dislike alhaitham bc "you seem to upset kaveh??? so i dont think i like you"

i think cyno listened to kaveh rant about alhaitham's latest injustices (he took kaveh's favorite house slippers) and took them very seriously

look at how upset kaveh is when recounting them!! clearly kaveh is truly upset & this alhaitham fellow must be a real problem

like at that point i dont think kaveh & cyno were all that close? they met through tighnari but kaveh was pretty busy before finishing the palace & afterwards he managed to keep his bankruptcy a secret from cyno

but still cyno was already kinda protective of kaveh & his feelings

4) basically i think its amazing that if you cross kaveh, not only do you have kaveh's temper to worry about

..but also you have the legendarily scary & imposing general mahamatra himself on your tail... (+ the grand scribe & the general watchleader & lambad & half of sumeru city)

5) tl;dr is kaveh & cyno are both extremely earnest people who are very intense about their chosen professions and have very strong hyperfixes/hobbies

which can lead to miscommunication bc they take each other too srsly and then have to backpedal/explain BUT STILL THEYRE SO GOOD!!!

& i love that there's no judgement from each other

kaveh isn't all "wow cyno's love for tcg is so weird/too nerdy" instead he says "oh i got the prize my friend wanted, lets give it to him free"

while cyno's just like "ok kaveh your life is a mess but its a life you chose so 👍"

[thewritingmagician2022]

Hey! I just found your blog and I've read through your work and I love it 💗 can I request MC trying to talk the brothers out of confessing to them?

(Perhaps taking place towards the end of season 1, beginning of season 2)

The brothers tell MC they love "LOVE" them and MC thinks they're joking and when they finally realize that the brothers are being serious MC's like "I thought you had better taste... are you sure you're not just infatuated with an idealized version of me that you created in your head? I mean you can do better, besides what would the people of Devildom think? Honestly, I didn't really get the impression you liked "liked" me in that way... I think you should think it through, maybe it's because I'm a novelty that your interested in me?" Or something along those lines? The point is that MC doubts their feelings and thinks they can do better.

Thank you so much! 💓

This is one of my favorite prompts because it’s so realistic and human and authentic. Which is terrifying too because I know I’m not gonna do it justice and I’m so freaking late on this. Back on topic - what makes us special to these brothers? Is it going to last? How long until we’re nothing new? (starts playing Taylor Swift in the background while I contemplate these)

Lucifer: Lucifer is vaguely insulted by the implication that you don’t trust him to know his own feelings. Yes, he understands your self doubt because he’s the high level demon Lucifer, the best of the best, and it makes sense that you would feel intimidated by that. But to doubt his feelings is to doubt Lucifer’s judgement and that won’t stand. He knows who’s worth his time and affection (no one) and he is not willing to open himself up to such a state of vulnerability without absolute certainty. So when he says he loves you, it’s true. He’s been around a long time and you’re the only person who has been able to capture his attention and heart in such a way; he isn’t worried at all about the feelings fading or being an illusion. He is under no delusions of who you really are - the person who doesn’t listen to him and runs wild with his brothers and causes so many problems in the Devildom and also the person who brought his family back together again and who reminded Lucifer of who he used to be and could still be. He will provide you reason after reason to back his point if you need it but he really feels he should only have to express his feelings once to make it clear.

Mammon: Mammon’s feelings are definitely hurt when you question him, even if it’s coming from a good place. He knows he’s not the most serious demon and maybe he’s a bit of a tsundere but he doesn’t understand how you can doubt him after everything you’ve been through together. He’s your first man, you’re his best-friend. Mammon is no stranger to romance and flirting over the millenia; demons, angels, witches, humans, etc. He’s got options, almost as many as Asmo, but you are the only person who has ever made him feel this good, this special and loved and in love.It breaks his heart a little every time you doubt his love for you. He might not be the best at talking about his feelings but he promises that he will spend the rest of his life showing you exactly how much he loves you for you, the same way you love him for him - the good and the bad and the weird. He is yours until the end of time, whether or not you’ll ever actually be his.

Levi: Of all the brothers, Levi is probably the most understanding of your doubts - not regarding him, that’s super crazy and he doesn’t understand how you could ever think he could do better than you. He does understand how self-doubt doesn’t always follow logic so he actually does well not taking it personally when you ask him those kinds of questions. He’s a man of many hyperfixations but they’re lasting. Have you seen him with his favorite series or Ruri-chan? This man is dedication personified. He’s already added you to his list of hyperfixations and, okay, maybe he does idealize you a little but he’s not as deluded as you think. He knows you have weird, messy bits of you - just like him - and he loves that so much about you because he’s able to actually be comfortable with you. He loves you and trusts you and respects you, which is more than he can say about anyone else in his life, and he is going to be your simp long after the series finale and he only hopes you’ll agree to let him stay in your life and worship you the way he knows you deserve.

Satan: That line of questioning makes him angry, shocking. He hates that you’re doubting him and his feelings. Satan is the intellectual of his brothers (if you ask him). He’s smart enough to know that there’s a difference between lust vsinfatuation vs love, and he’s considered it for a long time before he came forward with his feelings. He knows they’re genuine and lasting; he even avoided you in the beginning to avoid catching those kinds of feelings but it happened. Satan knows maybe he can romanticize things a little, like in the romance novels that he secretly loves, but he doesn’t think it’s to an unhealthy or unrealistic level - no more than a general man in love might do. He’ll sit and discuss all of this with you for as long as necessary, reigning in that anger that stems from feeling rejected, until you finally realize that he’s genuinely in love with you.

Asmo: Okay, so Asmo gets it, you know? He’s most beautiful being in three realms and charming and funny and sweet and basically everything good wrapped into one wonderful, sparkly, good smelling package. It would make sense that any human he pursued felt a little insecure about his feelings and their worthiness. But like…it’s you! You’ve seen Asmo at his worst - the days when he’s not as beautiful or kind, when he’s selfish and cruel and narcissistic - and you’ve stuck by his side the whole time. He is going to do the same for you. He sees your inner (and outer) beauty every time he looks at you and he falls a bit more in love with you every time. He knows what lust and infatuation feels like - he feels those every day and has them reflected right back at him tenfold. You are not those things. There’s still the passion and longing and affection but it’s so much warmer and steadier, like the warm sun that Asmo used to see in the human realm. You make him better (a hard task considering how close to perfection he is) and he won’t stand for you having any kind of doubts. He’s going to love you into loving yourself until you’re unable to doubt him or your relationship ever again.

Beel: That’s…not unfair to ask him. Beel may not be the smartest brother but he’s not as stupid as others make him out to be. He is the only brother who is going to hear you out and actually take the time to think about what you’re saying. You are the first human he’s ever had these kinds of feelings for, the first person actually. Beel is not used to romance at all and so he really needs to think about the line between romantic and platonic and familial; he doesn’t want to mess up the relationship by defining it incorrectly and breaking both of your hearts in the process. He doesn’t agree that you’re not good enough or interesting enough to inspire those kinds of feelings in him; he thinks you’re the most wonderful being he’s ever come across and anyone would be lucky to know you, let alone be loved by you like he is. It doesn’t take him too long to come the conclusion that no, he is in love with you. He would choose you over food or sports or even some of his brothers; hefeels empty without you in a way that even Belphie can’t compare to. He wants to kiss you and hold you and keep you around forever to share in his food and laughs and affection. Once Beel makes his decision, it’s completely solidified. Beel is a ride or die kind of man and you know you’ll never have to doubt him once he tells you he loves you.

Belphie: Belphie is torn. He understands why you may question his love for you. He did betray you and literally kill you in another universe; he would be more concerned if you weren’t skeptical about him. However, you feeling not good enough? Absolutely absurd. You need therapy ASAP. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to him and his family, even if you are a human. He never wanted these feelings; he loathed you at first but, over the months and different experiences you’ve shared, those feelings have grown to respect and trust and love. He couldn’t stop himself from loving you even if he tried (and he’s tried). He can understand your nerves but he knows down to his very soul that he loves you and that he will always love you. If you can’t accept his feelings, he’ll be the most accepting of it, especially because he doesn’t think he deserves you at all but he will never back down from his claims and he will continue expressing his love for you until the very end.

Diavolo: Of them all, Diavolo most understands why you may doubt the longevity of this relationship. He’s the demon lord. He’s the top choice of the realm, and everyone is scrutinizing him and his choices. He gets why you might be afraid of that and what comes with it. However, he wouldn’t be choosing you if he hadn’t thought long and hard about it to make sure his feelings for you withstood all of those doubts and fears. Diavolo does not lovely easily or lightly; he’s been offered companionship from more people than he could ever care to count but he’s never seriously considered any of them. You are the first and only person to have made him fall so completely head over heels in love that he’s able to get out of his own head which is so often filled with those some kinds of doubts and questions. He may not make every decision in his life with 100% confidence but this is one that he feels so sure of that he’s willing to stake his entire future and reputation on it. He loves you and he will do everything in his power to prove that he loves you and will stay by your side as you both rule the Devildom together, putting you at the top with him - exactly where you belong.

Barbatos: Barbatos is efficient, if nothing else in the world. Do you really think that he would pursue you if he wasn’t completely sure of his feelings and your future together? This is the man who has spent his entire life dedicated to Diavolo; he’s turned away from every and any meager temptation that’s come his way. No one has ever caught his eye like you have and certainly no one has ever made him question where his loyalty lays. Of course he is still Lord Diavolo’s servant and he serves the Devildom to the best of his ability but his heart isn’t in it the same way and that’s because he’s given it to you. You are what consumes his every thought and feeling; he’s broken the rules and used his powers for you, he’s gone against Diavolo for you, he is willing to do anything so long as he can be near you and make you happy. You don’t even have to accept his love or love him back, if you really can’t or won’t, but he’s seen you in every timeline and loves you in all of them. Nothing in this world or any of the others will change that and, if you give him the opportunity, he will dedicate his every moment to proving to you why you can put your full faith in him. After all, Barbatos has never failed at an assignment before.

Solomon: Solomon can understand insecurity on your end. It’s hard to consider yourself special enough to last for someone who has seen everything. Solomon has lived thousands of years, visited the three realms, love and lost time and time again. It’s hard to imagine that you’re anything more than the next shiny toy he’s got his eye on. For someone who can never die, what is this love other than a small blip on his radar one day? Solomon can’t stop you from feeling that way because, in a way, it’s true. You can’t be a permanent fixture in his life because you’re human but he can certainly be one in your life. Solomon would argue that he’s seen so many people and places over the millenia and he has lived long enough to know himself completely, and he knows that he loves you. He knows that no matter what happens or changes, his feelings for you will never waver. He will carry his love for you until the ends of time itself. It’s his curse to bear and the only thing that would make it bearable is being able to love you directly for as long as he’s given the chance.

Simeon: Simeon is the most patient and sympathetic as you ask him these questions. He would never invalidate your fears but he will confront them with you and break them down and banish them. Simeon is an angel who has watched over humanity for as long as they’ve been around. He has seen the best of the best and the worst of worst and still he’s never been tempted to turn away from his Father for one. At first, he could have explained it as curiosity and then fondness but it blossomed into the deep, unwavering love that he feels for you now. He sees your flaws and humanity and loves you all the more for it. You have become the new object of his worship and affection; he would fall from grace if it meant being able to hold you in his arms and shower you in the love he so truly believes you deserve. He will remind you every day of why you deserve to be happy and loved; he will tell you everything he loves about you from your smile to your kind heart to your most selfish desires. So, please, just put the same faith in him and his feelings that he puts in you and let him love you.

[nee-biter]

I need more stuff about Miguel x Peter x MJ x Reader😭😭 (fills my need for a polyamorous relationship :') )

Poly relationship Headcanons | Miguel x Peter B x MJ x Reader

a/n: Me when I accidentally became a polyamorous relationship promoter/advocate 🫣 Thanks for the requestttt <33

SFW

MIGUEL IS IN LOVE WITH YOU

He always has been, ever since you first mumbled an 'I love you' while half-asleep and cradled in his arms that one morning. He woke you up just to tell you he loves you too.

Marrying you was only natural, since you complete him and he was the only one to understand you, too. When Miguel looks at your eyes, the only thing he wants is to get lost in them forever. You being his wife is something he'd always boast and mention in the PA system in Spider Society tbh (not because he was a lonely oldie before u 💔) but because he's happy you're with him in everything he does. Your presence as he works, as he hyperfixates about the multiverse, as he eats, as he sleeps, has made his life ultimately better.

MJ HAS A CRUSH ON YOU

She started having butterflies in her stomach for you at such an inconvenient time—before getting married (for a second time) with Peter B. You were there beside her, helping her breathe in and out when she doubted Peter B would even be at the end of the aisle.

She could've sworn that your eyes sparkled in that blue dress you wore as her maid of honor. She almost made the stupid move of kissing you as you were comforting her, but that must've been the wedding jitters, right? Right? (She realized she was wrong when she returned from her honeymoon and palpitated when she saw you in a dazzling outfit).

PETER B THINKS YOU'RE COOL

Not as cool as his wife (obviously), but he absolutely enjoys your company. When you visit his and MJ's house to babysit Mayday or to have a chat with his wife (or him, though not as often), your good vibes spread throughout the house. Peter considers you a reliable confidant.

When him and MJ were running out of ideas on how to feed Mayday vegetables, you came up with a solution to hide them under a heap of rice. When Peter was having trouble thinking of what to give MJ after an argument, you suggested he just apologized clearly and authentically, and everything would work out. Peter starts getting suspicious of you, though, and why you know so much about his wife.

How did you four decide you wanted to be in a relationship with each other?

Honestly, you have Peter to thank for that. He realized that his wife's feelings for you were getting stronger by the day and that your feelings for her were getting harder to ignore every double date night. He didn't think it was bad—on the contrary, he just wanted you two to confess, so you could talk negotiations.

At one point, Peter just asked outright, "Do you guys have a thing for each other?" And you two laughed like crazy while him and Miguel were like ??😫??

The answer was yes.

For Miguel and you, it didn't affect your relationship in its entirety. But he was a bit pouty. "Am I not enough for you? Is there something I'm lacking?" was his mantra at the start of it, but you had to reassure him that this wasn't true. You're always open and transparent with him, which made him trust your judgement. Also, you give him more kisses to stop him from sulking a lot 🫶

For Miguel and Peter, it made them a bit awkward at first, before Miguel realized that no other spider-person checks up on him or dotes on him as much as Peter B does. Peter B always left small offerings for Miguel when he worked late at night in the 2099 lab. "I brought you a blanket me and Mayday crocheted. Don't forget to rest, big guy! Sleep on the floor if you have to. Better than not sleeping at all." Miguel keeps all the notes Peter leaves him.

For MJ and Peter, it was more of a 'how-to-explain-this-to-Mayday-thing,' Especially, if Mayday was at that stage where she would be able to tell what kissing, what romance, and the like could look like. Neither of them were that worried though. "I mean, honey, Mayday sees a lot of insane stuff in Spider Society all the time~!!" Peter B would argue.

For MJ and Miguel, it brought them a bit closer, considering they had more in common now. MJ hoped that it wouldn't be so weird for Miguel, but every now and then, she says something like this: "So, your wife tastes good— I mean, your wife's cooking tastes good! Her pork carnitas are amazing. Yes, that's what I meant. Sorry." "Be honest, that's not what you meant."

For you and Peter, it definitely opened up more bonding opportunities. Despite you four dating, you and him always think of each other as besties; which is why you both peer pressure your two lovely, more reserved spouses to stuff like kayaking, boat rides, halloween trick-or-treating. "Hey, do you think MJ and Miguel would be cool with going to an adult playground for brunch?" "IDK, Will there be brunch?"

For you and MJ, it was basically extending your already-intimate friendship to even more intimacies. She cuddles!! A lot!! And you kiss her on the forehead, just as many times as she needs it!! Your relationship with her was an understanding one; she always initiates touch with you. "Baby, stay here for longer, please." "MJ, you're so cute, but Peter's like... right there"

RANDOM STUFF

In terms of cooking skills: You > Miguel = MJ > Peter B

MJ would bake for you! Cookies and bread for you to take home so you can munch on them when you and Miguel would watch movies and cuddle at the sofa at night.

Peter B would invite you and Miguel to picnics or beach outings with him and MJ!! He would always bring Mayday to play frisbee with him and Miguel, if ever it was a 👁family-safe👁 occasion

Miguel would ask MJ for help when it comes to surprising you for your birthdays. He understands that you're BIG on birthdays, so he needs all the help he can gets to make sure the day is extra-special for you!!! He'll dress up as a bunny just to make you smile 😞

SUPER MARIO PARTY and Peter B always chooses Bowser Jr.!!!! Miguel likes Donkey Kong "just because" and MJ picks Yoshi because he's silly-looking.

The first one in Spider Society to find out that the four of you were dating was Gwen. Because she was about to drop off the hair-dryer that she borrowed at your doorstep, only to see that Miguel and Peter kissed as he and MJ were leaving your house.

Gwen tried keeping the secret, buuuuuut she told Miles, who told Pav, who told Hobie, who told Margo, who told Noir, and at some point, Lyla just had to inform Miguel that the secret was out 🤓

In terms of who gives the best back massages: Miguel > Peter B = MJ > You

For everyone's sake, do not give a back rub.

The four of you love each other 🫶 and it's so evident in the way all four of you stay supportive in everything you guys do and in the way that you're all tender with each other's presence

Thank you for reading ✨ I'll upload an nsfw version if it's in demand (feel free to request)!!

[amysubmits]

Do you think a woman that has been in relationships previously that were abusive (physically, verbally, financially, emotionally or any one of the above) can ever truly submit? Or is that self-protection wall just too much of a barrier to this dynamic? The D/s dynamic is so appealing at first consideration, bc she would want to build that deep trust and have that open communication, find that place of safety that she never had.

But then her mind jumps even quicker to those thoughts of “I’m not enough”, “I’m not wanted” “I’m not desired”, the downward cascade is endless and so she hits the road for self-preservation.

In your opinion is that insurmountable?

So, disclaimer - I'm no mental health professional, just a traumatized ND person who has had psychology and therapy as an interest and hyperfixations several times in my life, and who has 5ish years of being in therapy as a client.

I wonder what you mean by 'truly submit', to be honest.

I think most people (not just women) have experienced at least a little abuse at some point in their life...and I think literally all people have experienced at least a little trauma. And abuse and other causes of trauma can definitely lead people to be unable to let go of control and/or to trust. So, I think abuse can make submission harder. I think abuse and trauma are really common causes for specific hard limits. For example, if someone had been verbally abused as a child and told they were stupid, that may have a really direct correlation with why they might make verbal degradation a hard limit. Or it can be a more vague relationship. Maybe they weren't outright called stupid or verbally abused, but they were emotionally neglected and part of that meant they were never told good things about themselves, but were criticized frequently. So they have low self esteem as a result of having their shortcomings highlighted but not having their strengths highlighted - this may cause them to be unable to tolerate being verbally degraded in a BDSM context. Different causes, but essentially the same trauma and outcome.

On the other hand...sometimes abuse or other forms of trauma makes people people-pleasers who are prone to fawning or freezing. They may have the same internal beliefs that you mentioned - I'm not good enough, I'm not wanted, etc - but rather than that leading them to avoid submission, it may make them submit in ways they shouldn't. For those people, submission may be harder because they will try to submit when they should be setting limits. These people may be misread as deeply submissive, but if they are agreeing to what their dom says out of a trauma response and not out of a true choice, then IMO, that is a big problem. So anyway...I think abuse can make D/s or BDSM hard. It can pose challenges that have to be navigated very delicately. I think it can (and should!) result in hard limits being set. Do I think it impedes 'true' submission? I don't like that 'true' word as I think it's often used to mean unhealthy things. But I don't think abuse keeps people from D/s or BDSM generally speaking. To me, submitting does not mean having as few limits as possible. Submitting means being as open and honest and vulnerable with your Dom as you can be given the amount of trust that you've built together - and submitting in the ways that you've agreed to and that are healthy for you to do so. What is healthy for one person may not be healthy for another. Being the best submissive possible is a totally personal, individual thing.

That may mean that you never submit in certain areas. If you have financial trauma, you may never submit to financial control, for example. That can be being the BEST submissive possible because it means you know your needs enough to advocate for not having your trauma triggered and that is being a great submissive, helping your dom protect you from harm. Where for someone else, learning to submit in that area might feel like their best submission. It's totally individualized.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Hey there! Hekate has pointed me toward your blog and I just wanted to say hi 💞

I do have a question though, have you ever had deities help you with motivation and executive functioning skills? I've got ADHD and the "laziness"(🤢) or what I call "going slug mode" (staying in bed all day, no motivation to shower, etc) really commands my life.

My periods of deity work tend to coincide with my periods of productivity and energy, but I often fall off when, well, everything else falls off. So I guess I'm also looking for advice or at least to connect with someone who's had similar experiences.

(I've also connected with Aphrodite and Loki! Other gods I've worked with in the past are Mother Hathor and Brigid)

First off, I may or may not have had so many feelings upon seeing "Hekate has pointed me towards your blog" because the idea that my blog can be useful enough that a deity would go "go look at what that dude has to say" just brings me so much joy.

Second off, OH THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING I SHOULD SCREAM ABOUT THANK YOU. I can't believe I haven't already made a post about this!!

I, too, am an ADHD motherfucker and I have always had so many issues with keeping up with my craft. I will absolutely be calling it "slug mode" from now on, that's the best fucking way to put it. I've had deities help me with executive function at times, but if I'm honest I've forgotten lately that I can ask them for help with that. More often than not it looks more like nudging me towards a task than giving me the energy- but that doesn't mean you can't ask! It just means I forgot I could, lol.

This is gonna be a chonker post, so I'm breaking this post up into two parts; 1, why accepting "falling off" was the best thing I could have done for myself and 2, how to still connect with your craft (and deities) through those times anyway.

So for one, you're not broken or a failure, and your deities fuckin' love you.

Call me philosophical, but hear me out; I've always worked in cycles. Cycles of insane productivity, cycles of tiredness, cycles of hyperfixation on one thing, then another, then another. I'm just someone who works that way, and I've always viewed it as a problem to be fixed. I've always viewed MYSELF as a problem to be fixed, which really started with the school system but that's an unrelated rant. So, apologies for getting a bit intense especially since this may not apply to you personally, but just in case:

You're not a problem. You don't need to fix yourself. The world works in cycles. Seasons, reincarnation if you subscribe to that belief, the water cycle, and a billion other things I've forgotten- working with cycles is just a natural way of going about life that I think shouldn't be forgotten. I have intense periods of growth in my craft, and I have periods where I don't do much and instead play my favorite video game for eight hours straight- and that's okay! One of the best things I did for myself and my craft was give myself permission to do that. I, and you, are not failures as witches for "falling off" and our deities love us anyway. Not in spite of it, either, because of it. They know how to work with the cyclic nature of things; people are no different.

So honestly, there's a chance that none of this will make sense to you- but there's a chance that you, and maybe others seeing this post, might find that giving yourself permission to go through cycles might be the best thing you could do.

Okay, now that I've yelled about that, here's ways that I keep myself connected to my craft and my deities during my less witchy periods.

I give myself permission to use witchcraft for "dumb shit." I have at least one post on this, but witchcraft can BE childish, playful, "dumb-" it doesn't need to be serious all the time. So I'm learning to let go of what I think it should look like and recognize that sometimes the way to stay connected is to lay in bed and draw a sigil on my phone as a mini-spell to manifest a nice little treat or a thing I want in a video game.

This isn't deity work, but it had been huge for me: SIGILS. Sigils my beloved. I don't often have the time, energy, or supplies to do what most people think of when they talk about spells. So instead, if I'm feeling like I could do a spell for something but that's just too much, sigils can be done on my phone or computer while just chilling. Also, if you're like me and a writer, I just write spells too. Literally the same way I write statements for sigils, but a bunch of 'em.

Personally I just talk to my deities. I would like to do this more, actually. You don't need to have a big reason for calling them in, just ask them to sit with you and talk about your day or infodump about a special interest. They're not going to deem it unimportant; you're important to them.

Turn anything into a devotional activity if you want. Any self-care. Not just the typical stuff; I mean food, meds, literally any sort of "maintenance" to keep your body and mind running! If you can't do those, play music you associate with them, or watch a show/play a game and invite them to just sit with you. Whatever you're already doing, you can just ask them to do it with you. If that's literally just laying in bed doing nothing but feeling crappy, I can assure you I've asked them to sit with me during those days too and they've been more than happy.

Literally most of my offerings are just random food. As we speak, I have a little tiny thing with a few sips of soda because I give Loki some when I drink some. If you don't have the time or energy to put it on the altar, literally just drink it with the intention that you're drinking it "for" them. When I did a reading and Kali visited for it, she asked for a graham cracker of all things. It doesn't have to be associated with them. Virtual offerings too! If you can, I've seen people just scroll through pinterest/google images and pick images to offer to their deities.

This might not be something you struggle with, but this is definitely something I would need someone to tell me so: ASK. PLEASE. ASK FOR THINGS. They're not going to riot if you ask for things!! Let them help!! Ask for things, unapologetically if you can muster it!!! I am using excessive exclamation marks for a reason, I swear. My deities are in a constant state of telling me to just ask for things.

Be gentle with yourself. Genuinely, I think one of the best ways to honor your deities doesn't even require them to be there at all; just try not to hate on yourself for being the way you are, because they wouldn't want you to.

Overall, my only advice is just... throw away what you "should" be doing and find out what you LIKE doing. What works for you? It's a hard question to answer, but it gets a lot easier when you start looking away from what "should" work. Your deities are working with you, they wouldn't be working with you if they didn't accept every single part of you. That includes slug mode.

As always, my DM's and asks are open if you have any more questions/just want to connect because being a neurodivergent witch sometimes just feels isolating at times! If you actually read this whole post thank you, I hope some of it helped!!

[bridgertonbabe]

Signing off.

I never really thought I'd ever write a post like this and to be perfectly honest I feel a bit cringe for even making a thing out of this but I felt it necessary to address those of you who follow me and my writings.

In the last month I have been suffering severely from anxiety, waking up to what feels like a ball of dread clutching at my heart and being unable to shift it for the better part of the day. It's all come to a head as of late because I've reached a crossroads in my life where I've realised just how unhappy and unfulfilled I am. Truth to be told I really don't have any aspect in my life that I am happy with and for years I've dismissed myself and my own desires for the sake of others to the point where I have no self worth, no self confidence, and I just feel like a shell of a person. Realising that I can't go on like this, that I can't live the life I aspire to without sorting my mental health out, I've taken the first steps in getting counselling and in going to the doctors to be put on anti-depressants.

While I'm already starting to feel better, I've decided it's in my best interests to take some other steps going ahead; which is I'm logging off this account.

Don't get me wrong, this account has brought me fulfillment in the last two and a half years and I've had so much fun interacting with so many of you but as of late I've become very disengaged with Bridgerton. It's one of several of my hyperfixations which I have become anxious with in the last few weeks, in part because they are what I used to immerse myself in as a means to distract myself from a dissatisfying existence, but now I've decided to make a change in my life for the better, everything that I once used to bury my head in the sand has now essentially given me the ick. Bridgerton is just now one of several things that I feel the need to distance myself from in order to fully focus and concentrate on bettering my mental health as well as getting what I want out of life.

As much as I've taken pride in writing because of Bridgerton, my dream has always to one day publish a book of my own and I need to refocus my energies on writing my own original stories to have the chance of maybe being able to make that dream a reality. I would have so dearly loved to have been able to complete a whole host of WIPs (would have also loved to have been able to just focus on one story at a time but c'est la vie) and I can only apologise to anyone who's been hoping for an update from any of them.

You will still be able to read all of my works on AO3 (plus I've restored a couple I had previously hidden from view), and I won't be deleting this tumblr so all of my drabbles and various posts will still be here for you to browse and read at your leisure.

Though I'm stepping away from this account, I don't necessarily know if this will be forever. I might well end up in a better place mentally at some point and return with a healthier state of mind where I can enjoy Bridgerton again, and I would never rule out contributing writings again - however as it stands, I don't want to promise anything and taking care of my mental health is my main priority for now and the foreseeable future.

I also just wanted to take the opportunity to thank every single person who has ever liked, reblogged, and interacted with me since I joined. I had never previously shared any of my creative writing online and thought it would be nice if even a single person somewhere vaguely liked anything I had to share - but over the last two and a half years I've been given such a boost from the amount of people who have reached out and commented on any one of my silly writings. I don't think you'll ever understand just how much it has meant to me and the love and appreciation will stay with me forever.

That about does it, so thank you all for everything. I wish you all a lifetime of health and happiness.

Signing off,

Shinnie

xxx

[mrsnancywheeler]

ommggg i read let me down easy today and i kept re-reading it bc its TOO GOOD AHH !!🦅🦅

it hurt so much but im a whore for angst first, and a human second🫶

just thinking about the reader suffering in silence because she feels guilty for having any negative feelings towards finnick :(( the way she dismisses those feelings bc she thinks that whatever she’s going through is nothing compared to what he’s been through :((

also thinking abt finnick’s slow realization that she’s suffering because of him :(( like the incident at the market is when he began to notice the changes :(( and later when he fully understands how his behavior affected her IT MESSES HIM UP SO BAD

i just know he was remembering his past interactions with reader (where she breaks the glass / when she rejected his money at the pearl necklace stand) AND CRINGING …and it only gets worse when reader spills her guts about what she went through. omg ik he was sick.

another #thougjt i had was how this might mess up the reader for a bit after too #idk (that just might be me tho lmaoo) bc i feel like once you’ve been in that cycle of feeling depressed/insecure for so long it’s hard to snap out of, even with constant reassurance 😔

But maybe that’s just my angsty side talking HAHA

but i loved this fic, 11/10🫶

-🦅

omg yes, literally my favorite thing I've ever written. ik I wrote it, but it's the only thing of mine I reread bc it's like the perfect expression of how I feel, like if I could represent myself in one fic it would be that one if that makes any sense. it's like a concept that always haunts my mind no matter what I'm hyperfixating on maybe because I'm just like melancholy like that 🎀🎀🎀

but thank you so much, I'm literally so glad people are enjoying it because it literally is my own roman empire

yes she wants to be angry, she is angry, but refuses to let herself be because his issues are what she needs to prioritize. how can she be angry when he is constantly suffering? even if it's not so slowly tearing her apart, like a piece of paper sitting in water, she's trying to stay connected for the illusion of it all, to be strong for him.

her being loving isn't new to him, so he isn't thrown off by that, only slightly confused by her waking up earlier then usual. so her gifts have little bearing when he's used to it and he really doesn't want to feel loved right now because he's trying to reject whatever will make him seek comfort. when she starts changing her clothes and makeup, it's different, but he's not responsive because she's always been his pretty girl and always will be, her buying new clothes doesn't make him perceive her any differently or wonder if there's a reason, people try out new things.

when he notices how other peoples interactions with her have changed that's when he really starts to notice, if everyone else perceives her as melancholy then something has to be wrong. even if he's not quick to point the finger back to himself. he tries gifts, maybe she wouldn't buy something because she wanted him to do it, some sort of attention, but it's not big enough part of the issue to have any bearing on the effects it's now had on her. the girl rotting depression era shall we say. eventually through that, what people say to him, self-reflection he gains full consciousness of what he's been doing, how he's been hurting the person he loves so much. and the guilt is incomprehendable.

how could he be so selfish? so closed off as not to process all the clear cries for help? thinking about how he was getting annoyed, feeling like she was being moody when she insisted on doing the dishes until the dish broke. how she ran out into the ocean, in the rain without a care to regain some sense of composure, composure to try and make him happy. then the necklace thing, how could he miss her clearly trying just to be with him, be near him, have the interactions with him that he was giving to the girl at the shop instead? he was so unresponsive to the emotional needs he just assumed it to be a material need that he was willing to give. so when she rejects the money it just doesn't compute, to buy it she needs it, and then she tries to send the message that buying something isn't what she's asking for but he misses it completely. he gets snappy and it snaps her.

so when he's finally talking to her, he needs her to tell him the truth, the nuances because he's been so blind to all of it. he needs to know how he hurt her and it really is like a full wake up call. he can't let his own trauma consume him, allowing it to traumatize her in different ways. like when she mentions her getting to the point of just wanting him to want her body if he wouldn't want her because that's how people perceive him, that's what was hurting him, but he inadvertently made her feel that way. it breaks him to think that he did that to her, that he hurt his girl that way. then the idea that she would have let him cheat on her, she would've picked being with him over her own well-being, well she did, and he doesn't deserve that. he can't fathom how he could be with someone who loves him so blindly as to choose being with a ghost of him over not having him at all, when she deserves so much better. when he has been so callous with such a precious kind of love. or the fact that he even made it seem like he had interest in anyone but her.

there will be a fluffy, smutty requested sequel but readers issues afterwards will be lightly touched upon in it. but yes, she would have to spend so much time mending her relationship with herself afterwards. he's totally on hand and knee trying to make it up to her, to prove how much he loves and needs her, to give the attention she deserves. but she's still paranoid about cheating, insecure, scared, even if she tries to mask it. but he knows. he could, and does, spend hours praising her, telling her how pretty she is, how she's the only one, how sorry he is, how much he adores her, but it doesn't stop the nagging voice in the back of her head. she tries to hide it but she's clingier and he's okay with that, she needs him more.

but yes there's lots of long term effects the incident has on there relationship. and they have to try and navigate that together.

thank you pookie, I love your thoughts sm 💋💋💋💋💋💋

[what-the-flux]

Future status of this blog.

Hey you lovely peeps, it's just me giving a bit of an update for those that noticed the slowdown in my posts in recent months. I feel like talking on a personal level for once so if you don't want to read the whole thing and just want the tl;dr, here it is: This side blog will soon be going on an indefinite hiatus. I may come back to the fandom eventually but no telling at this point in time. If you’ve ever enjoyed my art, writing and characters here then you might enjoy yet more of that in original worldbuilding settings and a motley of other fandom or AU stuff then please follow my main @sparkyopteryx, I’ll be getting more active on that page again. I do have a couple more GW2 pieces to finish up and post at the end of this year so I hope you guys enjoy a sort of "last hurrah" from me before I redirect my focus. <3 If you want to read my open diary thoughts as I wax nostalgic and wistful then clicky the read more (DISCLAIMER: there is absolutely no callouts to individuals or guilds of any kind mentioned here and no name dropping. It's all just me and my thoughts and feelings, so hopefully that assuages any anxiety).

I've been here a looooong time. I checked my archive to see how far this blog goes back and whoof, January 2015. February 2015 was me posting my very first GW2 art on here, surprise surprise it was an asura. (technically not my very first asura art, very first asura I drew was Quinn in July 2014). Didn't know how deep the GW2 claws would get me and hold me for a decade, no other mmo had that kind of effect on me. WoW wasn't even close. DDO, Neverwinter Nights, Perfect World, all a piddly drop in the bucket compared to GW2. So much has happened to me since starting this game up to this point. I transitioned. I changed my name. I moved to a different living space. I started new relationships. I acquired two best friends. I went bald and grew a beard! This game rewired my creative brain, and I say that with....mixed thoughts and feelings. I've written SO many character stories and rp'd a ton and made so many characters that in some cases are up there with some of my most important muses I've ever created now. I love so many of them so much I'm picking them up and taking them with me to my other universes because I can't bear the idea of just leaving them behind and many of them are just too powerful to be contained (looking at you Oort, Euphix, Hoskk....yeah a lot of them). I say mixed though because also, it was to the detriment of my original settings. GW2 had me in a choke hold, which normally is fine with hyperfixations but this was a fixation that spanned actual years and I'm really feeling needing a change for a while and I miss creatively living in the spaces from my settings that I've carried around with me since elementary school. There's also the social aspect. I acknowledge the ever-shifting dynamic of fandoms, friend groups and how social media and how a social game like an MMO shapes things over the years. It's all a part of putting yourself out there with other people, I get all that. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words but I still want to express myself in some fashion so I'm going to do my best but it's a complex, many faceted thing. I've met and made friends over the years but kept a tiny few. I've seen how other platforms and changing social expectations have shaped how people interact in fandom spaces. It's fascinating, to say the least. But as much as I've tried to put myself out there over the years, GW2 is the one that has given me the most dread, anxiety or general feeling of always being in the orbit or outlier. No, I don't care about being popular. But we're always trying to look for somewhere to belong in these fandom spaces you know? I am a firm believer of how we're always creating for ourselves and that is what I always do, every day I create it's cuz it's mine and I want to see it out in the world. Art is also a communal work, that's what makes art, writing, music and such unique. We make something from nothing for us, but also because we do it to share something of ourselves to others. I've gotten all sorts of beautiful comments and feedback and very occasionally the joyous feeling of someone asking about a character or idea. I've also given these things, because I genuinely love peoples' characters and hearing what they think up. I always hoped to carve my niche and feel at ease with a group of people long term. To get that feeling of communal exchange of ideas, characters, really deep rp and character interaction and all that. Ultimately though it's never been a lasting thing here and unfortunately I have a full time day job, finite amount of energy and focus for me to be constantly trying to be the one to initiate, maintain a social presence and be regularly updating with art and posts. NOT me fishing for sympathy or any of that so any of those comments are unnecessary. It’s alright, it’s just a thing that happens anywhere but it’s happened to me consistently here so I’m just not expending my energy overextending anymore and moving on.

As I said before, it’s complex. It’s not all negative, but I’m exhausted and burned out so it means simply putting down things that feel like they aren’t doing it for me anymore or aren’t making me feel fulfilled and happy in some way, because goodness knows I need every scrap of it with all the stuff I’m dealing with in my life these days. This space may be active again one day! Who knows! I sure don’t. I don’t make promises one way or another because no one can predict what will happen a month or a year from now. But regardless of whatever happens I hope to be able to still interact with and share other spaces in other capacities, and if not I wish you the best of luck in all your creative and personal endeavors! If you’re still actually reading this, I want to say that at the end of the day, many of you have given me support even in minor ways and for that I earnestly say thank you, it was people like you that helped keep me going. Even the people that I don’t really talk to anymore, you count too because we shared a lovely if fleeting thing. That’s about it from me though. Sorry if it got a bit rambly in parts, the original draft of this was much longer and probably even harder to follow. These are my feelings and my experiences I’m talking about, not general sweeping statements that should be taken as fact and I myself do not consider them facts, just what I’ve faced and what I’ve observed and felt. In the event this really is the end of GW2 for me, here’s to a decade of art, rp, writing, characters, silliness and good times. Tyria really did a number on me and for that I am thankful, I will keep the good memories with me. Excelsior! --Sparky

[bluecrocss]

Ugh! Unfortunately it feels like this is turning into a PJO cast defense blog...

So, ever since these photos have come out, the tired talking points of "Walker is too old" "he's gotten too tall for book 2 Percy" have returned. And I get that a lot of it was just harmless jokes at first, but now y'all have turned to straight bullying the kid's appearance.

Also, Hollywood regularly has 30 year olds playing teenagers... a 15 year old playing a 13 year old is not the end of the world.

However, now I've seen the convo morph into this new avenue of attack on Leah. How she's "Too short" and "it's not that walker's too tall. Leah just isn't growing". Honestly, I'm blaming the Walker fan girls.

And I'm only speaking on it because it is spilling into the overall convo of why Leah isn't "right for the role", because Book!Annabeth was taller than Percy for the first 3 books. And y'all know I don't play about Leahbeth's casting (check my pinned).

*Head in my hands*

You people will actually give me an aneurysm.

AT THIS POINT, how are y'all still harking on the physical appearance of the actors when it comes to "book accuracy". Nobody looks book accurate. the author has spoken about it. The show runners have spoken about it. The writers have spoken about it. Why are y'all still having the same conversations over and over again? Why are y'all still watching this show if book descriptions are a sticking point for you?

The height was always something that was out of the casting director's hands. You CANNOT cast two pre-pubescent actors, and somehow be able to predict when they will each individually hit puberty and what height they would max at. There was literally NO WAY to ensure book accuracy with height difference regardless of who they cast. Y'all wanted age accurate casting? This was the trade-off.

"HOW WILL THEY HAVE THE CHEEK KISS IN S2??!" Why do y'all insist on creating non-issues. You think "mixed-height" couples don't have pda? She can lean up. He can lean down. She can pull him down. They can have her standing on an upward incline. What even is this topic? omg

Reminder: Adaptations will often omit/change plot elements for a smoother transition from one medium to another. the height difference was never that important to the story (yes, I know percy mentions it once or twice. All 5 books were in his POV and he was kinda hyperfixated on Annabeth... so?). I need y'all to stop showing your ass and nitpicking every single issue you can think of as these future seasons are coming out or you're gonna make this a miserable experience for all of us.

[strangerthanfictive]

Recognizing You Have a Fictitious Identity

An Informal Discussion Between 2 Fictive Headmates Key - Sorrel - Sorrel Accent Text - Aster - Aster Accent Text Why am I me? Why did the brain choose him out of countless other characters to make a pitiful clone of? That was the first mystery I had to solve; the homework the doc gave me. And I know it was for the best that things move fast, yeah? A head-start before I get a chance to start to feel things about this "life," these "memories" I have that are just fabrications of a broken mind. But then I also needed to recall those memories of this person that I really am (but feel like I'm suddenly inhabiting) to figure it out in the first place. I remember thinking; how in the hell am I going to go about this? Rewatch the show, and take notes whenever I feel like something aligns with our trauma? Is the doc expecting me to, like, draw up a venn diagram and bring it next week? Do I just think about the two of me—of body and fiction—and the answer will just come to me? Honestly, I didn't even think about that question for months. I asked myself why I was here moreso in the sense that I was stuck in someone else's body and needed to find a way to get home so that they could get their body back and I could get back to my family. It took me nearly a year to actually realize that we're all part of the same whole; that I took on this identity and more importantly, that I could part with it should I want to. I remember that call with our therapist very vividly. I was seeing her—"my" mother—as in, hallucinating her corpse in places nearly nightly beyond just nightmares. Her body is never explicitly shown in the comics, and our imagination filled in the blanks. I had broken down crying, and I was telling our therapist; "I'm so tired. I don't want to be him anymore!" Without hesitation, she told me,

"You don't have to be."

...And I was gobsmacked. I was thinking, What do you mean? I have all of these memories and I've held onto them for 11 months! It cannot be that simple. Ironically, just as I had that thought, I realized...yes, yes it absolutely was that simple. I did not have to subject myself to someone else's trauma—let alone someone who isn't real—when, frankly, I have my own tonterías to deal with.

I had the privilege of being your successor, being the second fictive on the block, and you told me pretty much day 1 that I don't need to have any sort of connection or feeling about my source. That of course helped, but I think it was also easier on me with it being a show. I could just look up the actor and see yeah, he's got a whole other life and other roles. On top of that, by rewatching it, I'm seeing the stuff I remember as my memories from the perspective of an omniscient camera—how I'm supposed to in the first place, and not through a character's eyes. Being a fictive of live action media VS illustration...it's no contest on what's easier to shake yourself out of.

But still, that question just loomed over me. Why him? Obviously, the doc didn't tell me I had to completely figure it out in a week, but I do love a distraction from my own existential dread challenge. So I hyperfixated on unpacking every bit of trauma this sorry bloke had to see if there were any parallels for basically every bit of free time I had. I honestly don't remember how long it took; whether I got it done in the week. I just remember the moment it clicked for me. I find it so fascinating how she handled our cases in reverse. We didn't start to unpack the "why" of my source until after I had changed my name, appearance, and age.

That might be thanks to you, mate. You didn't know any better than to treat your "memories" as real off the bat.

That's a very good point. In the event that there are more fictives in our system going forward, they may reach a point of understanding fact from fiction even quicker than you. But I digress.

I don't think I ever asked myself, "Why him?" An answer came to me without me truly seeking one out. That answer certainly explained a lot about me, but nevertheless, it just didn't occur to me to question why I took on that form. Perhaps if I had done so, I may have spared myself a lot of pain, but there's no instruction manual on how to cope with waking up in a strange body and everything you know to be your life being a work of fiction.

Well, that's the point of writing out our talks, isn't it? We're not really qualified to write, like, a whole scientific book on OSDD or the ✨plural experience✨ but we can definitely have chats about how we specifically feel and how we got to a...semi-stable place. Worst case, our thoughts go to the void. Best case, it might reach someone interested in our stories. Our real stories. Not to, you know, be confused to the ones we spawned from, haha. So if anyone actually is reading this, hi! Glad you dropped by. Let us know if you have any questions about ourselves. I think we got the ask box set up proper with anon and everything.

I think that's all for our discussion tonight. Perhaps, if we want to cover the basic aspects of being a fictive, we should speak next on grief. I briefly touched on mine already, but you have a unique perspective, Sorrel, as you've met and befriended another fictive from your source. Getting right into the angst, are we? Perhaps. But you've proposed we discuss our recovery process on this blog, and coping with grief is a sizeable portion of that process. You're right. Not chuffed about it, but you're right. We can talk about it next. Until then, I look forward seeing what happens with this chat, if anything. Good talk, mate. Good talk.