#i feel so dumb i was gonna do the italics thing again

[sharonisthebettercarter]

If you don't wabt to answer one by one, you can just screenshot the asks in your inbox and answer them, chronologically.

GOTDAMN! gimme a breather please!

i'm kidding, i'm a lazy shit--I'M ONLY HALF KIDDING I LIKE BEING LAZY--a breather would be nice...

lol, i am answering them tho not quite chronologically, but i am also queuing them with some art<3 reblogs too and i haven't changed the queue set up so... it's like at 2 per day (tho i don't always log on so) right now... (i may at some point increase that and try to be moar active, still gotta throw back in some sharon carter defense shit<3 but i digress~<3)

lol i will try to answer them best i can tho. just be a little patient, please<3 i'm workin' on so much shit too much shit at once including a butchlander~<3 (legit has a homelander who is terrible~<3 and literally *can't* sleep with mud people~<3 without exploding them in blood guts death and destruction~<3<3<3 and it's just so terrible--) fic (and ART PIECE~<3! I NEED MY PREGNANT BUTCHER GETTING RAILED--) keep trying to get back to, AND finish them OVERDUE halloweeeeeen prompts! (mark my words i WILL get that butchlander fic out... SOMETIME--)

ugh, just enjoy the arts and nonsensical shit in the meantime<3 or maybe binge a show or something... recently watched teen wolf, that was fun~<3<3<3 ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[zoesmp4]

NERVOUS “you’ve got me nervous to speak.” carl grimes x fem!reader

tags: angst to fluff, use of y/n, cussing

a/n: back from the dead!! sorta based on nervous by the nbhd, and there’s also a little tsitp steven and taylor action that i used for inspiration. lyrics r in bold + italics or in between paras. enjoy lovelies!!

the bond between you and carl was truly inseparable. you two had been through it all together, and never once had either of you thought about ending it all.

that was until now.

god, you don’t know how you found yourself in this situation. he’s just a friend. he’s always been just a friend. that’s what you believed, and that’s what you always told people. 

so how come, all of a sudden, he started becoming more than that? how come, out of the blue, you started getting butterflies at his gaze? it was an unfamiliar feeling, and you didn’t like it. you didn’t like it at all. 

you didn’t wanna do anything to jeopardize your beloved friendship, especially over something so dumb. you weren’t gonna lose everything all because of a stupid crush. so, after ages of decision making, you finally set your mind on a reasonable solution.

should i be quiet?

you were just gonna take some time to yourself. you were gonna stop talking to him for a bit. that’s all you needed, just some space. it couldn’t be that hard to lose feelings. besides, he would understand, right?

he in fact did not understand. “wanna come over? i just finished reading that comic you wanted.” he said, a grin plastered onto his face. “not today.” you quickly shut him down, and you could see the happiness on his face slowly fade away.

“oh, that’s fine. tomorrow?” you felt so bad. you really did wanna hang out with him, but you had to push away these feelings first. “i just need some time to myself for a while.”

your felt your heart pang when you looked at his expression. he gave you a slight smile, attempting to mask his disappointment. but you knew him. you knew him well enough to know he was upset. “yeah, i get it. i’ll see you later y/n.” he said, walking away. all of the energy he had when he approached you was long gone now.

it had been days, weeks even. you hadn’t uttered a word to him. so why wasn’t it working? why did you still long for him? it was so frustrating. 

not to mention, you were a mess. you would often find yourself with your head buried deep within your pillow, sniffling as tears flowed down your cheeks. on top of that, you weren’t getting enough sleep. you just missed carl. 

you figured the best thing you could do for yourself was to just get some fresh air. after all, it was no use trying to fix stuff with carl, you already fucked it all up. 

you took in the breeze, as you fiddled with your fingers. if it was a normal day, you would’ve been happy. you loved the cold, but today it was different. today, it made you feel numb. it made everything worse. 

you tried getting it off your mind. you tried to think about other things, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the look he had on his face the last time you talked to him. his smile was wiped clean off his face, and it was all your fault. 

you started to feel your eyes prick with tears. a single drop slowly traveled down your face, and you quickly wiped it off with your sleeve. 

you just wanted to cry, but you weren’t gonna let yourself do it out in the public. after all, once you started crying, you weren’t gonna stop. so, you turned around and picked up the pace. you were headed back home, where you could be vulnerable. 

your head was faced down, trying to hide your glassy eyes from anyone who could potentially see. “y/n?” you hear someone call out to you. the voice sounded familiar, and you instantly knew who it was without even lifting your head in the slightest. 

it was carl. you had to get away. just pretend you didn’t hear him, you thought to yourself. your footsteps quickened, until you heard his pleading voice once again. 

“just talk to me. please. is it something i said? i’m sorry for whatever i did.” 

“you didn’t do anything. it’s me. it’s all my fucking fault because my stupid self caught feelings for her best friend.” you wanted to say, but you restrained yourself. 

you finally came to a stop, turning around to face him. as soon as you met his gaze, you wanted to cry the hardest you’d ever cried before. 

he slowly stepped closer to you until his taller figure was in close in front of you. “can you please talk to me? you know i won’t get mad. you know i’m listening. so please, just please tell me what’s been bothering you.” he begged, his eyes softening. 

you let out a sigh, still sniffling. “it’s not your fault carl.” you said, your voice barely audible. “then what is it?” he said, keeping his voice at the same, calm volume. 

“i-i like you, and it’s really embarrassing.” you confess. you instantly regret your choice of words when you see a frown start to appear on his face. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but that was really fucking mean.” he says, about to walk away.

“no, carl. it’s embarrassing because of how much i like you.” there it is. that’s what you’ve been holding in. it felt weird hearing the words coming out of your mouth. “how is that embarrassing?” he questioned, the tender look started to come back on his face. 

ask me and ill tell you how i’ve been

“i- it’s like i forgot how to act around you. i’m always scared i’m gonna mess up. you’ve got me nervous to speak.”

that was the last thing you managed to get out before he pulled you into his chest for a tight hug. the dam holding your tears back broke.

the wetness stained his shirt, but he didn’t care. he rubbed your back with his arm, soothing you. you missed his embrace, the feeling you would get when you were in his arms felt heavenly.

after a few more seconds of the hug, carl shifted his hands to your shoulders. he softly pushed you back a little bit to get a look at your face.

he reached for your face to wipe any tears. “m’ sorry for ignoring you.” you said, voice soft and quiet. he shook his head, giving you a gentle smile. 

“you’re okay sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” he said. “i-it’s not okay. i ignored you for so long, i just cut you off like that. without a single warning. it was so inconsiderate and i’m really sor-” 

hush, baby, don’t you say another word

“you never shut up do you?” he said, cutting you off mid sentence before he crashed his lips onto yours. your eyes widened, and your movements froze before you slowly adjusted to the kiss. your eyes fluttered closed before you hesitantly tilted your head to get closer.

this was a new experience for the both of you, but it felt like he had years of practice. the way his hands made their way around your body, it sent shivers down your spine.  

after what seemed like an eternity, you both pulled away. the sounds of your mixed heavy breaths filled the air. carl’s hand reached for your face before he wiped your slightly smudged chapstick. 

he then tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. the gesture made the butterflies in your stomach act up more than they ever had in your life. 

i got goosebumps all over me

“next time, just let me know what’s on your mind, yeah?” he asks. “okay.” you say, looking at him with pure admiration. “that’s my girl.” 

[whowantslovergirl]

Casual

Paige Bueckers x reader (reader is female with she/her pronouns)

warnings: angst, italics are flashbacks, no happy ending, loosely based on a true story 🤣, paige is SUPER clueless,suggestive but no smut so tht one part will not be in this story, cursing, again paige is kinda mean in this, NOT ASSUMING HER SEXUALITY THIS IS PURELY FOR THE STORY gonna make a new masterlist once there’s more stories 😫

Summary: Y/n knew what her and Paige had but she never wanted that and Paige just wanted this casual

posted: May 30,2024

This has been going on for months. Ever since I hooked up with Paige we had this little thing going on. Then I did the one thing you shouldn’t, catch feelings. Technically it’s not my fault she shouldn’t be acting like a girlfriend, giving me gifts, taking me on surprise dates and even saying ‘I love you.’ I mean my friends call me a loser 'cause I'm still hanging around. Which is completely understandable it’s been like six months and she hasn’t asked me to be her girlfriend.

______

“Oh that’s Paige’s girl.”

“Yea Paige is dating that chick over there.”

“I heard they’re not even together yet.”

Every single day. I walk around campus and I hear the same thing. “That’s Paige’s girl.” Like my name is Y/n.

Then you heard someone say.

“Paige said she’s just fucking her nothing more nothing less.”

What the hell. I've heard so many rumors that I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch but I never believed it was true. You texted Paige saying you’re coming over and she said okay see you soon.

______

“Why would you say shit like that?!” This always happens we always get into an argument about something she said or something I did. It’s like a routine.

“Well are we not just fucking Y/n?!” Paige yelled back. Then you started to tear up. “Well I- I thought you thought of me better, you know like someone you couldn't lose or something.”

She shook her head and took my hands in hers. “I don’t know what you wanna hear Y/n.”

"We're not together"

Well that hurt. “Yea I know Paige. It just hurts that you see me like that.”

“I don’t but- but I do love you. You know that right?” I nodded and leaned forward. “I love you too Paige.” She smiled and connected our lips.

So now when we kiss, I have anger issues.

_____

“Baby, no attachment”

Those three words make me madder than I ever been in my life. I should leave but to be honest I don’t want too. I mean I always had a crush on Paige and when something finally happened I never been so happy. But at the same time.

Is it casual now?

I remember when we just started messing around and in two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach.

Is it casual now?

______

I know what you tell your friends

“So what’s going on with you and Y/n.” Azzi asked. They were always curious about your… relationship? So they always asked you or Paige what’s going on. Paige shrugged.

“It's casual.”

They didn’t say anything just nodded when they know damn well what Paige and Y/n have is not casual.

_____

Dumb love, I love being stupid.

Sometimes I like to dream of us in a year. You know maybe we'd have an apartment.

And you'd show me off to your friends at the pier.

I walked into our apartment and Paige is already coming up to me giving me hugs and kisses.

“Hey baby how was work?” You shook your head. “Stressful but you know it happens.”

_____

“Come on! They’ll love you I promise.” Paige was showing you off to her new team. “Y/n!”

“Y/n!” I see my friend waving her hand in my face.

Well shit.

______

Paige and I just finished doing our thing and I was putting my (her) shirt on. “Hey so do you wanna go on a date or something?” Paige asked me and I nodded. Usually we do casual dates so it wouldn’t hurt doing a serious one right?

“Do you wanna go to a restaurant or something.” I saw the panic in her face and she immediately shut that idea down.

“Baby, no attachment.”

I rolled my eyes. “Didn’t know going to a restaurant was being attached.” I got all my stuff and left before she could stay anything.

Who asks to go on date then talk about being attached? Fucking idiot.

Is it casual now?

______

Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach.

You just started your ‘relationship’ with Paige Bueckers. Two weeks in and her mom is asking you to go on vacation.

Is it casual now?

______

I know what you tell your friends.

“And she just stormed off like a kid bro. Just because I didn’t wanna go to a restaurant.” Paige was telling Azzi about your recent argument. Azzi just looked at her. “What?” Paige asked.

“Well what did you say for her to storm off P?” She shrugged. “I told her she shouldn’t get attached.” She said looking down and mumbling. Azzi looked at her again. “How is wanting to go to a restaurant being attached?”

“She said the same thing! Look, it's casual going to a restaurant is what couples do and we are not a couple.”

“Maybe she doesn’t wanna be casual Paige.”

And that’s what scared her.

______

It's hard being casual

When my favorite bra lives in your dresser

I was getting ready to go out with some friends and was looking for the bra that makes my boobs look big then I remembered that it’s probably at Paige’s which is not good because we are currently not talking.

Whatever I need my bra back.

______

“What are you doing here?” Fuck why does she have to look so hot. “Don’t cream your pants I need my bra.” She just moves out of the way.

I got my bra and was trying to leave but Paige grabbed my arm. “So where are you going dressed like that?” Is she serious?

“I’m going out with friends.” She nodded. “I miss you Y/n.”

“Ok” and you left.

And it's hard being casual

______

“Im so tired of this shit Paige!”

You’re finally confronting Paige about this thing you have going on due to your friends hyping you up.

“Tell her you’re over this shit Y/n!”

“It’s been too long for her not to do shit.”

“Tired of what Y/n?!”

“You! This has been going on for months. Almost a year and you still think this is a casual thing?!”

“If it bothered you so much why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Because Paige I try to be the chill girl that holds her tongue and gives you space.”

Before she could say anything you cut her off.

“I try to be the chill girl but honestly, I'm not.” You started to tear up and she noticed but didn’t say or do anything.

“Well I didn’t want to lead you on-.”

“But you did Paige.”

“Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her Long Beach house and you don’t think that’s leading someone on.”

“And I know what you tell your friends. You probably told them it’s casual right?” She looked down avoiding all possible eye contact. “What we have is not casual Paige and you know that.”

“You knew what this was Y/n. And what we have is casual or so I thought!”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh please I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner and you told me you loved me. That’s not what casual is!”

She ran her hands over her face knowing you were right.

Your parents at the table, you wonder why I'm bitter

You’re at dinner with Paige’s parents and before you got here. We got into a huge argument about… honestly I don’t remember but I do know that it was her fault and I’m mad at her. You had been a little rude to her parents but they know you didn’t mean it.

After a while Paige pulled me to the bathroom obviously fed up.

“What the hell bro. I get you’re mad at me but don’t take it out on my parents.” You didn’t say anything and just went back to the table.

“I just want to say sorry for the way I acted today.” They assured you that it’s okay and they know you mean no harm.

Paige wondered why you were being so bitter.

But she didn’t do anything to fix it.

Bragging to your friends

“Yea we’re like doing this thing and like I’m so happy I did it!” Then Paige went on and on and on about you basically bragging. The team was obviously not going along with that, shutting it down immediately.

I hate that I let this drag on so long, now I hate myself

“Hate that I let this drag on so long, you can go to hell!!”

You pushed her out the door and slammed it in her face.

Note to self: never be in a ‘casual’ relationship.

An: ENJOYYYYY MY LOVERS 🤍🤍🤍 but definitely making a wbb masterlist maybe emily engstlers next who knows…

[maddogofshimano]

Hello! Seeing this blog was an insta-follow. JW, did u do a translation somewhere of…whatever this is? https://youtu.be/tfAqq15hv5s?si=xXzvWG1ImZ_qGGGb

I’d love to know what she’s saying, I’m scraping and scrounging for more Goromi content. There *is* a translation in the comments section, but it’s worded strangely…

hey thanks!! I am waaaaaaaaay less confident in translating spoken stuff, especially with Goromi's wildly fluctuating accent and general screeching but at one point I did go through and do some of the easier ones. however!! a kind soul has transcribed everything in the comments since the last time I checked so I'm doing this proper now. under a cut because it got long lol

italics is Goromi dropping into the masc Majima-style voice

0:00 どーもー ゴロ美でーす。真島? あ? 誰やそれ つべこべ言わんと はよドンペリ入れんかい! Hiii I'm Goromi. Majima? Huh? Don't talk about whoever that is, hurry up and bring out the Dom Perignon! 0:13 はぁあん 仕事もできる女 それがゴ・ロ・美 またモテてまうわぁ はぁ 参るなぁ Haaa~ A woman can do work too. That's Go - ro - mi. She'll be popular again. Haa~ Give me a call~ 0:28 めっちゃジロジロ見られたわぁ 嫌やわぁ セクハラちゃうー? I'm gettin' stared at so much. I don't like it. Is this sexual harassment? 0:35 よっしゃー! 暴れるでぇお前らー! All right! I'm gonna go ballistic on you all! 0:39 あ? パンツ見えてる? だからなんやねん Huh? Ya can see my panties? Watch where you're lookin'! 0:46 あーあ 早う桐生ちゃん来んかのぉー Ahhhh… won't Kiryu-chan hurry up~? 0:53 なんや 俺は安い女とちゃうで　 What is it? I ain't a cheap gal. 0:59 あ? パンツ見えてる? いやーんこのドスケベー 目ん玉くり抜いたろかぁ! Ya can see my panties? Ooooh ya perv~! I'll gouge out your fuckin' eyes!* 1:08 いやーん ええ飲みっぷりやないかぁ ちょっと見直したでぇ Oooh, you seem like ya can hold your drink~ I'm startin' to come around on ya~ 1:16 うち 強い奴が好きやねん うちを その気にさせたいんならぁ 殺す気で来いやぁ! Me, I like strong guys. If ya want me to like you… then ya better come at me like ya want me dead!* 1:27 やだ ゴロ美ったらドキドキしてる 気に入ったでぇ おぉ! ドス持ってこいやぁ! いっちょやり合おうやないかー! No way, ya got Goromi's heart all flutterin'. Oh! This is perfect for my dagger! Time to fight!" 1:39 うちも一杯もらってええか? 今日はなんだか飲みたい気分やねん Is it alright if I get one too? Today I'm in the mood to drink. 1:48 はい どーぞっ! ゴロ美特性 ゲロマズカクテルやでぇ なぁ 飲めや Here you go! Goromi's special super yucky cocktail! …Hey, drink it. 1:57 桐生ちゃん 驚くやろなぁ Kiryu-chan's a surprisin' guy~ 2:01 ゴロ美 ドキドキしちゃう You're gonna make Goromi's heart flutter.* 2:04 うちが ナンバーワンキャバ嬢 ゴロ美や 覚えときー I'm the number one cabaret girl Goromi, ya better remember that. 2:12 ヒーヒッヒヒヒー 惚れても知らんでぇ Hehehehee not my fault if you're fallin' for me~* 2:16 ますますべっぴんになってくでぇ I'm becoming more and more beautiful~ 2:20 奇麗なバラには トゲがあるんやでぇ A beautiful rose still has its thorns. 2:26 魔性の女 それがゴロ美やでぇ Goromi, a woman with a devilish nature~ 2:31 ゴロ美の新たな魅力 感じてやぁ Experience Goromi's fresh new glamor. 2:36 ふぉーん なかなか見どころあるやないかぁ ま、けどアフターはお預けや There's a lot of good things to see, aren't there? Well, that will have to wait for the after hours date. 2:45 やるやないかぁ へえぇ ゴロ美アフター権 進呈したるわ このボケがぁ! Well it can't be helped. I'm presentin' ya with the rights to an after hours date with Goromi. Ya dumb ass! 2:56 ご指名 おおきに Thank ya for requestin' me.* 2:59 男女がやる事いうたらー 喧嘩しかないやろがぁ! There's a thing that men and women do together… They fight each other! 3:06 か弱いレディーに 何するんじゃボケェ! This weak lady, what the hell are ya doin' to her, idiot! 3:10 あかーん そんなんじゃゴロ美は濡れへんでぇ! Siiiilly, that kind of thing won't get Goromi wet! (tl note: I……………………. I feel like there's something I'm misreading here. but. turns out I'm not!!) 3:14 当店はお触り禁止じゃぁ! We don't allow touching in this establishment!!! 3:17 野暮な男は嫌いやでぇ! I hate men with no manners!!

(tl note: the rest of these are various battle callouts) 3:24 ボトル入りまーす! Bottle comin' through! 3:26 これ うちの名刺! Here's… my business card! 3:30 ゴロ美に惚れたら 火傷するでぇ! If ya fall for Goromi… You're gonna get burned! 3:35 お客様は神様 なわけあるかボケェ! The customer is king… what a stupid idea! 3:41 イーヒッヒヒヒー 太客認定したるわぁ! Eeehehehehee, I just bagged a big spender! 3:46 シャンパン入りまーす! Champagne comin' through! 3:49 花は いつか散るんやでぇ Flowers will… always scatter… 3:54 終わりがあるから 美しいんやでぇ Because they must end… They are beautiful… 4:01 またのご来店 お待ちしてまーす! We look forward to seeing you agaaaaiiiin! 4:05 はぁ うちをもっと燃えさす奴はおらんのかいなぁ Haaa… is there no one left who can get me fired up? 4:11 ゴロ美の「み」は 皆殺しの「み」じゃぁ! The "mi" in "Goromi" is… from the "mi" in "minagoroshi"! (tl note: wholesale slaughter) 4:16 稼ぎ時を逃さん女 それがゴロ美じゃボケェ! Goromi, a woman who's never let a chance to make a profit escape her! 4:23 ヒヒッ ゴロ美 ほてってきたでぇ Hehe, Goromi's burnin' hot! 4:29 ヒヒッ 延長やぁ 当たり前やろ! Hehe, an extension. Obviously! (tl note: for using a continue in a fight) 4:36 ごっついのぉ Real strong, huh… (tl note: for losing)

whew! as usual if I fucked something else please tell me some of this stuff gets real in the weeds. all I can do is my best

thanks again for the follow and for suggesting this! I'm real glad I took another look, that minagoroshi line really made me laugh. unrelated to Goromi but I'll have a new event up in a week or so because the one going on right now is so incredibly funny to me. it's a Saejima event. look forward to it * Edit: a couple of line corrections thanks to @imustbenuts Thank you again!!!

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 7: New Beginnings Bring New Fascinations

Chapter Word Count: 3,355

Anything in Bold Italics are Korean/Another language.

Master List | Prev | Next

The excited uproar when you called Mimi and Papa was the tip of the iceberg. For the sake of privacy until any documentation was signed, you kept Jihoon’s name out of it, but that didn’t fully stop you from answering any questions. You were lucky to have taken some painkillers and a half hour nap before starting the adventures of the morning. 

“Oh tell me about it! How did it happen? Where were you??” Mimi sighed dramatically, hearing a chuckle from Papa in the background. 

You settled back on the bed, a smile on your features as you rolled your eyes. “It was so dumb. I told you two of my coworkers and I went to a concert in Jersey – it was amazing by the way, the best concert of my life. We went out to a diner in the city once we got back and we pretty much..ran into each other, literally.” Thinking back, the entire situation only got funnier. “Ji- He was there with his friends and we basically sat and hung out for hours. Some other things happened that I can’t discuss, but someone is going to email you guys an NDA for you to sign. It’s a kinda complicated time so I can’t talk too much about it.” 

With confirmation they would read it over and sign whatever was needed by the end of the day, you bid both a farewell after promising to somehow have them meet either over video chat or in person. 

Calling your supervisor was relatively easy. Once the formalities were out of the way, you explained that your soulmate was someone that travels the world frequently based on Seoul and with your job mainly being online, you figured it would be a better request for a transfer and move to remote. After a while on hold, a conference call with a few supervisors and the head of the Korean relations department, it was approved. You expected the conversation about a pay cut, it wasn’t as bad. It accommodated the change in costs of living. 

Contacting Jamie and Kazuki was…chaotic to say the least. A text turned into a phone called…which turned into a video call and a tour of the room you were staying in. They gave no hesitation in agreeing to sign the NDA as long as you give them ‘all the tea’ and send them any extra merch you possibly could. Talking to them made you feel light, while the bond between Jihoon and yourself brought you warmth and destiny, the platonic bond you held between the three of you brought comfortability and familiarity.

“Wait, shit, what's gonna happen to your stuff? How was all that gonna be handled?” Jamie frowned. “You’re gonna be leaving this week, right?” 

“Ah…yeah about that. I’ll pay for whatever you guys need, but I was kinda hoping you could go through everything since I don’t have a lot, pack it, and send it out with whatever company Pledis is going to use.” 

“Can I call dibs on anything you don’t take with you?” The question from Kazu had you groaning, shaking your head and giggling.

“As long as you don’t keep some weird shit, yeah. Between now and whenever we leave, I’m going to need to head back home to gather everything I can in a few suitcases. I think when the manager was taking us back he was saying something about switching flights and needing my passport, which I don’t have with me.” 

You shifted from your spot at the desk, turning your head towards the door. There was that pull again deep down, goosebumps once again raised on your arms. 

“Babes? Are you good?” 

The knock at the door interrupted Jamie, you already knew who it was. You gave a call of one sec!. 

“ Quick question, do you know when Kazuki is going to come home if he goes out or feel him once he is close?” 

“ Feel him? Like a sixth sense? Not really. I’ve read that some bonds can manifest that, but typically it’s the feeling of serenity when together and the shared emotions.” 

“Hm, interesting. Okay, well Jihoon is waiting outside the door. Bye.” 

“Don’t just hang-” 

And you hung up on him, standing and stretching your limbs before answering the door. Jihoon didn’t change, but at least his hair was brushed and he might have slept a bit more. 

You could feel the slightest hint of nerves build in your chest. Before you were able to open your mouth, Jihoon was already talking. 

“ I know it might be a lot, but everyone in the group knows now and are insisting on meeting you. I’m the first one in the group to meet their soulmate outside of Seungkwan and Vernon-” That was…yeah that one was obvious. “ They said if I didn’t come and convince you to agree, Seungkwan and Seokmin would be coming to drag you out.” 

Ah…Yeah…That. 

Why you thought you could escape the inevitable for longer was unknown. 

“ They all want to go out for lunch.” 

“Jihoon, you are making it worse.” You cringed, giving him a pleading look which only morphed into a timid smile. 

“... Sorry.” 

“I can’t really escape this, can I?”

The quick, little shake of his head gave you all the answers needed. 

That was how you found yourself in a fancy Korean BBQ place, walking into the back for a large private room. Jihoon and yourself were the last to show up since you needed to speak with his managers to give the needed information to send the additional NDAs out and hand over your own. You expressed your plans to travel home to pack as much as possible within the next few days before needing to fly out. 

You thanked the waitress who had led you to the room, face contouring in uneasiness. Beyond the door, you could hear boisterous conversation and laughter filling the room. As Jihoon went to open the door, you slowly took his free hand, rolling your shoulders back to straighten up. 

“ Finally! I thought we’d have to go back to the hotel and drag you here!” All conversation ceased as Seokmin called out, noticing you both at the door. “ Come sit! We just ordered the meat!” 

Two seats were empty between Seokmin and Soonyoung. All eyes were focused on the two of you, quietly taking in you. Jihoon pursed his lips and stepped in front of you partially to block their view, walking you towards your spots and sitting down. He automatically sat next to Soonyoung, leaving you to fend for yourself against Seokmin. Across from you was none other than Mingyu.

Personally, you didn’t know how to break the ice. Too many pairs of eyes were perceiving you. No introduction was needed from them really. 

“ Ya hyung, did you tell them we bite or something?” The first one to speak was Mingyu, the exasperation on his face and the scoff he let out made Jihoon return the scoff with his own. 

“ They are a Carat, maybe they’ve watched enough videos to know how annoying you are.” 

The comment had your lips pressed tightly together and your head falling back to hold in the laugh. You took a deep breath and shuttered it out. 

“Lord save me.” You muttered out, shaking your head and looking back at everyone the best you could. Every single one of them were so close, clean faces without a hint of makeup, comfy casual clothes, and wide eyed in curiosity.

“ I’m not annoying! Tell them I’m not annoying!” Hearing the giant of a man whine in front of you was not on your bingo board of the year.  No one came to his defense. 

“ Can you shut up and stop making a fool of yourself?” The deep rumble of Seongcheol’s voice, he sat on the other side of Seokmin between Jeonghan and Chan. 

A chorus of laughter fluttered out of each of them. Jihoon rumbled a laugh to himself, feeling a childlike joy shared with you. 

“ Can I introduce myself or are you going to continue bullying Mingyu?” The sarcasm in your tone even had Jihoon reeling to stare at you. 

With no objections, you stated your name, bowing your head to them. “ I was born in 1997 here in New York, and I speak four languages relatively fluently, and have been a Carat since 2019.” 

The waitress from earlier had pushed the door open along with another waiter, rolling in a car full of different meat platters and extras. Food was quickly arranged haphazardly around the grills and table, gratitude shared for everything provided before you once again were sitting just the fourteen of you. 

“ I have to say, you are handling this a lot better than I thought.” Jeonghan spoke up, leaning on his uninjured elbow to see you the best he could past Seokmin who was leaning over the table. 

You chuckled at that, waving a hand to brush it off. “ If I’m being honest here, I’m about two seconds away from running out the door so I don’t embarrass myself. You should have seen me last night when my friend pointed out some of the members walking into the diner.” 

Jihoon was pulling a plate of meat towards him, already starting the cooking to get everything going. “ I told Shua-hyung and Seokmin-ah that they were feeling close to imploding with embarrassment and shock.” 

Your jaw dropped and you gave a hardish hit to his shoulder. “ Hey! Try to step into my shoes!” 

“I thought you were going to pass out from just feeling that alone.” 

“Jihoon!” 

Another chorus of laughter filled the room, making you shrink down in your chair. Now you wished to crawl into a hole. 

“ What was it you said? Oh my fucking god, you have to be fucking kidding me.” He continued, stating word for word your reaction in English. 

“ Luckily you didn’t have the first words written on you, that would have been hard to hide, hyung.” Chan’s loud and innocent laugh had you laughing too. 

“ It gets better, their friend placed a bet that one of us would be their soulmate and won.” Joshua interjected smoothly, flipping the meat on the grill in front of him.

“ Can someone be on my side?” Your plea went unanswered. 

“ So, do we need to ask the question that is on everyone’s mind?” The innocent tone Seungkwan was trying to portray was laced with mischief. 

“Wait, what is supposed to be on everyone’s mind? I’m lost.” Soonyoung – bless his heart – leaned forward, looking innocently between you and Seungkwan. 

You stared daggers into Seungkwan. He was lucky he wasn’t across from you because you definitely would have kicked him under the table. “ Nothing, don’t listen to him. He is talking nonsense.” You rushed the words out, only making it even more suspicious. 

“Ya noona…it would be mean if you don’t tell everyone your bias, right?” His tone was challenging towards you, raising an eyebrow. 

You could hear the smirk on Jeonghan’s face when he spoke. “ Oh? I’m especially curious.” 

“ Seungkwanie.” You said between clenched teeth, staring him down. “ I’m asking you nicely-” 

“What? I think hyung would like to know. Right, Cheolie-hyung? You’d want to know if someone was biasing you, right?” 

If your soul could split from Jihoon and leave your body, that was how you felt. Too many voices were talking at once, playful screaming and laughter flooding your ears. Jokes were cracked at Jihoon and Seungcheol, thankfully leaving you out of the mix for now. You rued the day that the jokes would be fired at you if they grew comfortable enough for that. 

Your cheeks were bright red from what you could tell based on how hot you felt. In the back of your mind you were conjuring a plan of how to get back at him one day. 

“ Wah…and here I thought the universe would make them have a natural draw to Jihoonie.” Jeonghan heaved a breath, “ Please tell me your wrecker is him.” 

“ I will neither confirm nor deny that.” Was all you were able to say, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

Although the beginning of your meeting was…interesting to say the least, the more the conversation flowed, the more comfortable it became. Minghao and Jun were mostly quiet aside from you boasting about the Performance Unit. Wonwoo was a quiet watcher who grew curious when Mingyu asked if you played any game, which you did but you were particularly good at. You preferred the single player games that let you pass time after work, but you would rather be reading a book in bed which he could happily agree with. 

Seeing Seventeen in videos wasn’t all that different than who they were in person. They playfully bullied one another, told old stories that had you laughing so hard your sides hurt, and were unapologetically themselves. Jihoon and Joshua had brought up a new episode of an anime they were following. Soonyoung was leaning back behind your soulmate to ask you a question. Seokmin was ever so kindly giving you food when your plate was empty. Anything you didn’t finish was not so conspicuously shoveled onto Jihoon’s plate. 

Truth be told, it was similar to how you thought of them: comforting, familial, and tranquil. They had already made you feel like family even if they had just met you. You were an important person to Jihoon now, who each one of them cared about deeply, and you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. 

“ Oh god, my grandma used to call me dumpling!” Seungkwan howled, scrunching his face up into a cringe, shaking his head. 

“ Dumpling!? That is cute though!” You yelled across the table, grinning wide. “ Mimi used to call me Ruby. My birth month stone is a ruby and I loved red roses growing up. She doesn’t do it much anymore since I’m older, but it was cute. She even got me a necklace with a ruby on it.” 

A gasp came from Mingyu who gave the most puppy-like smile, wide sparkly eyes and all, quickly looking between you and Jihoon who you thought wasn’t zoned into the conversation. “ Can we call you Ruby? It’s like hyung’s song too! You are his ruby!” 

A wave of adoration that washed through you had you glancing at Jihoon. Soonyoung was talking animatedly about a topic you couldn’t really catch and the latter was listening, however he definitely was listening in on your conversation as well. 

“ I don’t see why you can’t, it’d be nice to hear it again.” You affirmed, nodding to solidify it. 

“ Ruby-ah!” Mingyu grinning, “ That is your name now. I don’t make the rules.”

By the time everyone had eaten their fill, small groups were ready to explore on their own. Members started to funnel out after Seungcheol generously paid for the meal, some making plans to meet up once more for dinner. Truth be told you had no plans besides going back to the hotel, finishing whatever paperwork was needed and simply existing. Finishing the papers meant the posting of the announcement which also led to the making or breaking of your mental health depending on how the world reacts. You knew there would be the delusional fans that would start something. You had already placed your instagram on private after the meeting. You hoped you didn’t have to private your twitter since it was mostly anonymous. 

“Noona, do you want to go out with us?” Chan broke you from your little trance, tilting his head slightly in question. Vernon and Seungkwan were already ready to head out. “We want to walk around Time Square.” 

“ Ah, it might not be a good idea yet.” You stood, rubbing the back of your neck. 

He raised an eyebrow, head still tilted. “ Why? Because a statement hasn’t been put out?” 

You simply nodded. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to explore and get to know your new companions, but there were a lot of what ifs that plagued your mind. 

“ Why can’t we just…live on the edge?” Seungkwan questioned, a purse to his lips. His eyes were focused more on Jihoon, hopeful he would think it was a good idea. 

Looking at him, you see the internal debate he was having. 

“ I- Well, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Maybe it would be better to wait, some fans can be a little…intrusive.”

“But what’s the fun in that?” Seungkwan’s pursed lips turn into a full pout now. 

Jihoon was looking at you now, gauging your reaction. It was no question he could feel the hope, but also the fear you were attempting to bundle down. His expression shifted before he sighed, shoulders deflating some. 

“ Fine, but if we get in trouble, you better take the blame.”

“Deal! Let’s go!” Seungkwan was taking your arm after having rounded the table, leaving the others to catch up. “ And we’ll have security with us, nothing to worry about. You and Nonnie can translate for us if needed.” 

“ Am I being used as a free translator?” You ask while being dragged along. 

Somewhere behind you, Vernon gives confirmation which causes you to laugh. 

The handful of you had a blast walking around the main attraction of the city. You had called Jamie and Kazuki to meet up with you since they took the time earlier to read and sign their lives away. Spending the day with new friends and old ones only added to the fun. Seungkwan and Jamie had clicked last night and now it showed every more as they teased you based on things the latter told him about you. Throughout the afternoon, you and Jihoon found yourselves gravitating towards one another again. Just as Kazuki and Jamie did or Seungkwan and Vernon. So he didn’t feel left out, you walked close to Chan, asking about his interests and keeping conversations flowing between you. 

Pictures were taken, plenty were littering your camera roll now; candid shots of them, selfies with a few, and a singular picture of Jihoon.

You don’t know what possessed you to take it. He was just standing in the afternoon light, reading something on his phone as he waited outside of the ice cream shop you had found with the security guard. His posture and expression was relaxed. He looked content if you had to place a word to it. After snapping the pictures, he had perked up, glancing through the window at you. You had turned away to face the front of the line, feeling the heat spread across your cheeks. Unbeknownst to you, Jihoon was laughing silently to himself, warmth filling his chest. 

Upon arrival back at the hotel, you all came to an agreement that you would go out again for pizza with your little cluster later in the evening. Mimi had texted you that the papers were signed albeit with some minor questions that an email from the management team wasn’t unable to handle. An email thread from PR, management, and the legal representative were hammering out final decisions before you got one email attachment from Hyeji. 

Jihoon was walking you back to your room, hands shoved in his pockets when you stopped. Opening the attachment led to the formal announcement draft written consecutively from Korean, English, Japanese, and Mandarin. 

“ What? Is something wrong?” 

You shook your head, eyes intently scanning over each and every word. “ They want me to approve the draft for the announcement.” 

You felt him pressed up beside you a moment later, reading the text over your shoulder. 

It was simple and to the point, nothing too frilly. You both shared a look. You were curious if he had any issues with it. With both approvals, you replied back, giving the okay and it began the wait…

[starlitangels]

Okay, so I'm not sure if my first ask went through or not. There seemed to be a lil glitch, so I'm sending this again. If there are two asks from me in your box, please ignore one of them!

I'm going to ask a few, but feel free to pick and choose. Thank you!

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

and... dealer's choice! What's one ask you want to answer but haven't yet?

Hello my friend! I did not receive your original ask so there's no worries!

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Literally anything from anything Avior I've written (like Avior washing Starlight's hair after Starlight took a tumble) but specifically the moment in "You're Mine (I Don't Share)" where Avior is losing control of his magic and his eyes are glowing like small suns and the magic cloaking his horns is wavering. I always imagined them shimmering like the heat mirage on a hot road I live in a desert it's normal to see on the highway in summer

That would look super cool.

Also just about any of the interactions between Elliott and Aaron that I've written.

Or or or! Hang on! I would love to see someone's interpretations of the (no powers) rockstar!AU I've dabbled in. That would be amazing!

I am also always enamored when people draw the Pups AU kiddos even though I haven't written anything for them for a long time just because of how touched I am that someone liked what I wrote enough to make art of it even though the characters are original, so more of that would be adored.

There are so many others but this is already long so I'm gonna move on

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

This is gonna sound kinda dumb, but genuinely, leave the house. When I stay inside for too long I stagnate creatively. And I find inspiration in all the little things. A good long walk is great. Going grocery shopping, even. But other excursions are also a massive help.

I also think a lot in the shower. Great idea generator there.

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I'd hope the variety in it. I try different things a lot. I'm usually a "Fluff" writer but I love good angst and I like trying other framing devices. Like sometimes writing from the Redacted voiced character POVs (which I've only done like twice but it was fun both times). I like trying different things.

I also hope my attempts at humor in the narration is distinct for me. I love using humorous lines to show internal emotions without actually having to spell out their thoughts in italics. Outwardly everything is one way but the internal monologue of the character is the exact opposite. I think that's fun

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Yes! I write about the same kinds of stuff all the time. I use the word "just" way too much. I start a lot of sentences with some form of "Honestly" or "To be honest."

In my normal not-fanfiction writing I write a lot of the same things in different attempts at plots. Lots of abandoned WIPs featuring mermaids, princesses, magic, people with wings, some pirates, werewolves and vampires... yeah. My most common settings on those kinds of things is either Contemporary/Normal Earth But With Fun Stuff Going On (IE Mermaids or Werewolves) or Generic Fantasy-Land #38459886

I think my most common theme since getting married has been "the healthiest relationship I can feasibly portray while also letting it be A Teensy Bit Spicy™"

Dealer's Choice! 51. What’s your total AO3 word count?

This one I'm doing just to flex /j

This is my total Audio RP AO3 word count. As in, the Redacted and Good Boy Audios stuff I have on AO3 under the StarlitAngels pseud. Nothing from my other works (which are all short and bad and old), and not including a handful of GBA stuff I haven't posted to AO3

Ready?

As of right now, with everything newly updated:

574,538

... Yup.

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[thr4shdoes-selfships]

Incorrect Quotes as Ark and Tim

With funny titles because I said so. :D

Coffee

Ark: Here you go, Tim, a nice hot cup of coffee!

Tim: It's cold.

Ark: A nice cup of coffee.

Tim: It's horrible!

Ark: Cup of coffee.

Tim: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.

Ark: C U P.

Ah, yes... such a good personality match.

Tim: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might.

Ark: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Yeah... Tim you're not getting rid of Ark... Ever.

Tim: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?

Ark: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

Best? More like ONLY.

Ark: Tim, you're my best friend.

Tim: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend.

Tim: I'M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

Accidental implications

Ark: Heh, Tim sneezes like a girl.

Tim: How about I pound you like boy?

Tim: That didn’t come out right.

It did in fact, happen again

Ark: I’m sorry for being annoying.

Ark: It will happen again.

What a trifecta

Tim: What are your three best qualities?

Ark: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

Unmedicated ADHD

Ark, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Tim: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

Tim– no-

Ark: Are you having another depressive episode?

Tim: A depressive episode?

Tim: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

Ark that's- no- can you properly process words-

Tim: Italics.

Ark: Yeah, Italians.

They eventually had the conversation, and Ark was disgusted

Ark: What’s sexting?

Tim: I'm not having this conversation with you.

You heard him! Chocolate milk!

Tim: You've got to act tough, Ark! Show 'em you can't be pushed around! Show 'em they can't mess with you!

Ark: Right. Yes. Tough. Got it.

Ark, standing up on their stool and slamming their hands down on the bar: I'LL TAKE A CHOCOLATE MILK.

Accidental implications pt 2

Ark: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Tim: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Ark: I—

Ark: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

Ark, stop trying to be edgy it doesn't work-

Tim: How do you want your coffee?

Ark: Black, like my soul.

Tim:

Tim: Ark, your soul is a latte.

The sticks caught fire

Ark: Hey guys, I’m making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap, so wake me up in 5 minutes to flip them over.

*5 minutes later*

Tim: Ark it’s been 5 minutes, time to flip your sticks.

Ark: snnnzzzz...

Tim: ARK YOUR STICKS!

Mission failed (successfully...?)

Ark: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY)

Tim: What's that?

Ark: Remorse code.

Tim: I'm even angrier now.

Ark has a sugar addiction

Tim: Oh, they left the bowl out?

Tim: It says, “Take two pieces of candy.”

Ark: Nobody around though…

*Ark grabs the entire bowl and runs off with it*

Tim: NO—

Nonsensical headache shit

Ark, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Tim: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

Inconceivable!

Ark: Wait you like me? For my personality?

Tim: I know, I was surprised too.

Struggle with basic wording that doesn't make sense

Tim: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.

Ark, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

Comfort failed successfully?

Tim, trying to comfort Ark: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

Accidental implications but sweet instead of o///o

Waiter: What would you like?

Ark: Bring a milkshake with two straws.

Tim: *blushes*

Ark: *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Yeah... Ark is the furthest thing from any of those things

Tim: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

Ark: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Tim: That one. I want that one.

Ark not listening, again

Tim: I love you.

Ark, not paying attention: What was that?

Tim: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Unexpected result

Ark: My hands are cold.

Tim: Here, let me hold them.

Ark: My lips are cold too.

Tim: *covers Ark's mouth with their hand*

This is what happened when Tim tried to start their relationship-

Tim: We should be partners.

Ark: You mean like, partners in crime?

Tim: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

[bi-bard]

He's Candy-Coated Misery - Dean Winchester Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: He's Candy-Coated Misery

Pairing: Dean Winchester X Reader

Word Count: 1,942 words

Warning(s): illusions to sex, violence

Summary: (Season 10) (Y/n) never expected to end up on the reckless cycle they did when met Dean. However, they probably would've guessed that part before they guessed what was going to happen after that.

Author's Note: I've been on a bit of a kick of angry songs from female country singers and that somehow spawned this idea. Hence the Carrie Underwood reference as the title (Cowboy Casanova is a bop, don't judge me).

**ITALICS = FLASHBACK (also marked off by "--" symbol)**

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

------------------------------

I never expected to be here.

I never expected to be in any situation remotely like this one.

That's all that I could think of as I walked into the bar. I wasn't supposed to be here. I shouldn't be doing this. It felt like I was undermining the last few months of my life.

--

"Hello there."

I looked up from my drink to see a man leaning on the bar next to me. I was just awkwardly sitting there. I was surprised when he sat next to me.

My friend had dragged me out that night. And then she completely ditched for some guy. I still felt back leaving without knowing where she was going to be spending her night.

"Umm... hi," I replied.

"Name's Dean," he introduced.

I noted his cocky grin and smug attitude. Some about the air around him just felt like he didn't give a shit what anyone around him wanted. I still couldn't ignore how tempting that same energy was. His little smirk as his eye traced my body made me feel more flattered than creeped out. That's what they meant by pretty privilege.

"(Y/n)," I replied after a moment.

"Pretty name," he complimented. I grinned and thanked him.

We spoke for the rest of the night. Well, he was flirting the entire night while I relished in the compliments that I wasn't used to.

"Pretty rude for your friends to just leave you alone here," Dean said after a while. "Who would leave someone so pretty all on their own? Just plain dumb."

I let out a chuckle.

"Why don't you come with me," he nodded toward the door. He slowly leaned over, lips brushing over my ear. "I'll be sure to keep you company."

I felt like my heart jumped up into my throat as I leaned back and looked at him in shock. His grin just seemed to grow when he saw my expression.

"Come on," he pushed.

I licked my lips and looked over my shoulder. My friend was leaning on some random guy. I sighed and looked at Dean.

"Sure," I nodded.

He grabbed my hand and dragged me outside quickly.

When we got outside, Dean pushed me against the wall next to the door. He leaned in and kissed me roughly. I gasped a little at the force but settled into the rhythm naturally.

"Come on," he muttered as he pulled away. "I'm gonna make this night worth it."

I smiled and followed him excitedly.

After that night, he kept me by his side.

I was kind of shocked. I figured he would rather find someone new. Someone more exciting.

But as I left the next morning, he grabbed my hand and asked if I'd be "coming back to him."

I left that morning with a stupid grin and plans to go back to that bar that night.

--

The bar was empty when I walked in.

I had no idea why.

I didn't care.

Dean was leaning on the bar.

"There you are," he grinned and pulled me close, kissing me roughly like he did outside the bar. "How was your day, sweetheart?"

"Boring as hell," I replied, trying to seem as normal as possible.

"Mmm, good thing you tracked me down when you did," he chuckled.

I nodded, "Maybe you've got a point."

He leaned in to peck my lips again.

"Always been ready to save you."

I chuckled.

--

The next few weeks were a bit of a blur.

Dean was the walking incarnation of chaos. And I had been brought into the eye of the storm. I was happy there.

Everything around him was intense. I had no desire to leave when every kiss he gave me completely knocked the air from my lungs and made me feel like I was buzzing.

I wouldn't have traded any ounce of chaos for a moment. No matter the fights he got in. No matter how many people he seemed to scare. I was fine with all of that because I got to be held and kissed so intensely.

I found myself in the bar again, waiting for Dean to come back over to our table.

"Hey."

My face immediately scrunched up when a man sat across from me. I raised an eyebrow at him as he looked at me.

"You here alone?"

"No," I replied bluntly. "I have someone meeting me."

"Oh, really," the guy said, leaning forward even more. "Where is that someone then?"

"Turn around and figure it out, buddy."

I looked up past the man and grinned at Dean, "Hi."

"Hey, sweetheart," he replied. He clapped his hand on the man's shoulder. "Now, I do believe you're in my seat."

"Listen, man-"

Dean didn't let the guy talk before he grabbed the man's shirt and slammed his back against the wall.

"I saw you all night," Dean said. "I saw you watching (Y/n) like a damn stalker. Now, I didn't like that, but I thought you would understand to back the hell off. Clearly, you don't."

"Hey, I'm sorry-"

"I don't care how sorry you are," he cut the man off again. "You tried to take my sweetheart from me, and I don't like that."

I just watched as Dean dropped the man and swung his fist at him, cracking him across the jaw.

If the bartender hadn't seen the man earlier, he would've thrown Dean and me out. We got lucky. Dean sat back down in his seat and gave me that same-old smirk.

"How're you feeling, baby," he asked.

"I'm okay," I nodded as he grabbed my hand.

"Let's get you a fresh drink," he said.

I let him pull me up out of his chair.

I was also so willing to let him pull me along with him because it all seemed worth it.

--

"So, why'd you call me," Dean asked, leaning back against the bar, still holding onto my waist. "You hate calling off of work."

"I never said I hate it," I chuckled. "You think I do because I don't let you trap me in a motel bed in the morning."

"No fun, if you ask me."

"I know," I muttered. I cupped the side of his face and kissed him gently. "I just missed you."

"I missed you too," he grinned, standing up straight again to kiss me properly. "I always miss you when you're at work."

I grinned.

I had to fight any thought that was trying to get me to second-guess my choice. It was these moments that made me hesitate. It wasn't gentle. It just was less intense.

Having him focus all of his attention on me. It could convince me to do almost anything. I just craved the love and affection and attention.

--

Mornings with Dean were the very rare exception to his normal behavior.

I would often wake up before him so I could get back home to get dressed for work.

Every morning was the same.

When I finally pull myself from the bed, Dean would wake up and grab at my arm. He would pull me back to bed and mumble about how much he'd love for me to stay with him. He'd do all of this while kissing at the skin of my neck.

I really enjoyed it.

I wish our mornings could've remained that way.

After following our normal morning debate, I drove home and got showered and dressed for work.

As I was walking back to my car to head to work, I was met with a man walking toward my door. I pulled the door shut behind me and made sure it locked.

When I looked back, I noticed the man's arm was in a sling.

"Hello," I said, more of a question than a statement.

"Hi," he replied. "Sorry, you seem busy, but I think you know my brother."

"That wasn't very descriptive-"

"Dean," he explained.

I froze, shocked, "He never mentioned a brother."

"We aren't on the best terms right now," he nodded. "I'm Sam."

"Nice to meet you," I was still confused. "Why did you come to me instead of going to your brother?"

"Because I need your help to help him," he said. "Do you have a minute for me to explain?"

I paused for a moment.

Help Dean with what? What was I so unaware of?

I sighed, "Okay. What's wrong?"

--

Dean's hands moved to my back to hold me close as he kissed me.

My eyes were shut tight. My hand slowly reached back, and I pulled the flask that Sam had given me out of my back pocket. I slowly pulled back and smiled at Dean sweetly.

He grinned back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"What-"

I threw the holy water on him quickly and slapped the handcuffs- which Sam had also given me- on his wrists as he fell to the ground. I took another few steps away.

When he looked up at me, his eyes were completely black. I was terrified. Sam had told me about this, but it was still absolutely terrifying.

Sam walked in and got his brother.

I only watched as they left.

I pulled out my phone and shot a text to the number that Sam told me to use in an emergency.

To Sam: Call me when you're done 'curing' Dean. I'd like to know that he's okay.

--time skip--

I tried to go back to day-to-day life after Sam took Dean away.

Obviously, it wasn't that easy.

I was worried about Dean constantly. I spent the week checking my phone constantly. I didn't even care if he never wanted to see me again. I just wanted to know that he was alive. Beyond that, I didn't care.

"Hello," I said as I answered a call. I was just walking out of work, and it was the first time I didn't check the number.

"(Y/n)," I stopped by my car door.

"Dean," I asked.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I replied. "How... How are you feeling?"

"Better," he chuckled.

"The mark... it's..."

"Still there," he sighed over the phone. "Just no more... demon."

"Oh, that's good," I muttered. I let out a breath. "I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure what I did was assault and I've been worried about you since I let Sam grab you-"

"(Y/n)," he cut me off. "I'm not upset. I wanted to call and let you know that I'm okay. Sam said that you wanted a call."

"Yeah," I nodded. "Well, good. I'm glad."

"Thanks."

We both fell silent for a little bit. I didn't want to hang up on him, but I didn't know what to say.

"I wanted to ask," Dean paused for a moment, seemingly nervous. "Do you... Do you want to meet up for dinner somewhere?"

I grinned, "What?"

"Well, you've spent the last few weeks with a very different version of me," he explained. "I want a chance to get to know you as myself. If you want to do that... we don't have to. Y'know, that was probably a dumb question. I should just go-"

"I'd love to," I cut him off, biting back a chuckle at his awkward behavior. "Dinner sounds nice."

"Really?"

"Really," I replied. "Umm, call me when you get to town... I guess?"

"Yeah, yeah," he sounded very excited.

I preferred that to the cockiness.

"I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, see you soon, Dean."

After he hung up the phone, I just stared at the screen with a smile. I felt like this difference was going to be good. I was going to enjoy meeting the real Dean.

------------------------------

Masterlist (Includes links to All Writing Challenges)

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[avnkin]

Shake On It [ 2 ]

Author’s note: I was really in my harry feels whilst writing this so sorry about that lmao also I proofread this so many times and it still SUCKS ASS. I posted this entire thing earlier from my phone but tumblr deleted everything except the title so yeah I’m sorry if there aren’t italics and bolds on some of the words where they should be but i’m just to lazy to go through the entire thing and find them all again, maybe i’ll do it later but who knows. I do not own harry potter or the storyline/characters they are the intellectual property of J.K Rowling. (not my gif)

Word Count: 5.9k

Summary: There’s little to nothing Draco values more than his reputation so when he sees it slipping, he’ll do anything in his power to catch it.

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader / Platonic!Harry Potter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, foul language, asshole!draco and daddy issues lol

This is an AU so all the information doesn’t exactly line up with the HP storyline for example Voldemort hasn’t returned but still exists so little from Harry’s history changes but Dumbledore’s still alive.

After yours and Draco’s interaction the other night you’d strongly begun reconsidering his offer to accompany him to the ball, maybe he wasn’t as bad as you thought, I mean what’s the worst that could happen? So many things your anxiety was quick to answer, the most important one being that Harry and Ron would probably never speak to you again.

“Y/N are you even listening to me?” Hermione’s voice snapped you out of your trance, her blurry hand waving in front of your face, you quickly began blinking in an attempt to bring your surroundings back into focus, “sorry” you then muttered sending her an apologetic smile before gesturing for her to continue with whatever she’d been talking about.

“As I was saying, I need a cute date for the ball, who do you think will annoy Ron the most?” you were about to answer when a voice from behind you beat you to it.

“Annoy who the most?”

You rolled your eyes having a pretty clear idea of who it was, you reluctantly turned around your eyes immediately locking onto Draco’s who stood there in all his glory a smug smile plastered onto his lips as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Excuse me who invited you to this conversation?” you retorted before turning back to Hermione who had an amused grin on her face causing you to lightly kick her from underneath the table, you didn’t want Draco putting two and two together and realizing you’d talked about him with Hermione.

“I was just wondering if you’d changed your mind about going with me to the ball” Draco cajoled causing your eyes to widen realizing you still hadn’t told Hermione about the fact he’d asked you in the first place.

You sent Hermione an an ‘i’ll tell you later’ look before twisting your body to face Draco’s who now had his hands placed in his robe pockets, his self assurance radiating off of him despite the fact you’d rejected him only days before, the boy had clearly never been told ‘no’ his entire life.

“No and I won’t be, so run along” you stated before making a shooing gesture with your hand which only seemed to have the opposite effect you’d intended it too, since he began to take a few steps forward, licking his lips as he looked you up and down.

“Yes you will” he stated matter of factly and it took all self control you had not to smack him right across the face, who did he think he was?

“Is it really that hard to get it into that tiny little brain of yours that there are girls alive who don’t like you” you practically growled missing how Hermione’s attention had drifted away from the scene unfolding before her and to the two figures who had begun making their way towards you.

“Yes because there aren’t an-”

“Malfoy find someone else to bother can’t you see she’s not interested” Harry cut him off as him and Ron now fully came into view, the two of them standing tall behind Draco whose attention had now shifted from you to them.

“Oh look who it is, dumb and dumber” chortles could be heard from the Slytherin table at Draco’s words causing you to roll your eyes, it was pathetic how they would lick up every single thing he did.

“Offers still there Y/L/N” Draco turned to you before he slowly started to ascend back towards the Slytherin table where he was greeted with numerous pats on the back as he squeezed himself in between Crabbe and Goyle.

“What a slimy git” Ron huffed as he took the seat next to yours, immediately beginning to scoop all the food in view onto his plate.

“What did he want anyways?” Harry asked resting his elbows on the wooden house table as he sat down opposite you.

“He asked if I wanted to go to the ball with him” you feigned disgust as you shook your head, hoping he would drop the subject, you’d never been a good liar and if anyone could see through you it would surely be your best friend.

“Just tell him you’re going with me if he asks again, then he’ll leave you alone” Harry suggested, Ron nodding along with him as he stuffed a chicken wing into his mouth.

“Yeah- yeah ‘course thank you Harry” you scratched the back of your head cringing at the obvious hint of disappointment lingering in your words which thankfully no one but Hermione seemed to notice since she reached her hand out across the table and laid it gently atop of yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

You gave her a small smile before your eyes began dancing around the Great Hall somehow coming to a halt on Draco’s figure, he had his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he engaged in conversation with Blaise.

No one could say that Draco Malfoy wasn’t handsome, rude and a prat? Sure, but unattractive no. He was the only boy you’d ever seen who was able to pull of such a hair color and as your eyes travelled along his sharp jawline up to his chiseled cheekbones you felt the uncontrollable feeling of heat rush up to your face as his eyes met yours.

He sent you a wink before turning back around, you mirroring his actions the feeling of butterflies swarming your stomach slowly melting away as you pushed any remaining thoughts of him aside.

-

The ball was only a few days from now and you and Hermione had decided to take a trip down to Hogsmeade in an attempt to shop for dresses, not wanting to repeat what had happened last year when you both had made the mistake of trusting your parents with your attires, the dresses they’d choosen had arrived the same night as the ball and you had been forced to show up in matching bright pink gowns since it had been too late to go and buy new ones. You’d been the laughing stocks off the school for a couple months after that, never again.

You cringed at the memory that would surely be edged into your mind forever but as you pushed open the wooden door that led into Gladrags Wizardwear you found yourself entranced with all the beautiful dresses littered around the shop.

“Have you decided who you’re gonna go to the ball with?” Hermione hummed as her fingers trailed over a blue gown that hung along with hundreds of others at the front of the store.

“Yeah I think I’m just gonna go with Harry, I don’t want to risk my friendship with either him or Ron by going with Draco” you sighed not feeling the need to hide your disappointment in front of her.

“I get that but if you really do like Malfoy you should just ease Harry and Ron into the idea of you two being together” Hermione shrugged in response before removing the dress she’d been looking at from its hanger and placing it into her arms as you continued browsing.

“How am I supposed to do that you know how much they hate him” you sighed as you lightly dragged your hand over the multiple fabrics that hung on the clothing rag next to you.

“You could dance with him at the ball” Hermione suggested, you nodded silently in agreement before coming to an abrupt halt as a certain dress caught your eye. It was champagne colored and made out of silk with a thigh high split running down the side of it, not the type of dress you’d usually go for but nevertheless you carefully placed it into your arms deciding their was no harm in seeing how it looked on you.

“Who are you going with?” you changed the subject not feeling like talking about Draco anymore, it was really killing your mood.

“Hero Finnigan asked me” your eyes widened at Hermione’s words. Hero Finnigan was in the year above you and was quite the heartthrob around school, he’d been known for having a new girl underneath his arm every week and it seemed that this time around it was going to be Hermione, much to your surprise.

“Please tell me you said yes, if anyone’s going to make Ron jealous it’s definitely him” you assured her, looping your arm with hers as you continued skimming through the store.

“Of course I said yes, I’m not that daft” she shook her head before continuing, “I don’t know though I-I guess I was just hoping that in the end Ron would ask me, but apparently he’s going with Lavender” her nose scrunched up at the mere mention of her name as she let out a heavy sigh.

Your heart ached for your best friend as you put an arm around her shoulder giving her a tight side hug, a subtle way of letting her know you were there for her no matter what.

“Enough about that let’s go try on our dresses and we can tell each other what we think” Hermione was obviously trying to distract herself but you didn’t feel like pressing the subject any further so you only nodded in agreement as you started searching for the changing rooms, it was a surprisingly big shop compared to how small it had appeared from the outside.

Once you’d finally found them at the far end of the shop you both entered separate rooms, simultaneously pulling the curtains shut shielding you from the watchful eyes of the other customers, although there weren’t that many.

You took one last look at the dress letting your fingers wander down the silky fabric before carefully removing it from its hanger and slipping your legs in between the opening.

Once you got it on, you weren’t able to reach the zipper on the back, no matter how hard you tried so you stealthily peeked your head out behind the curtain and seeing no one you began to make your way towards Hermione’s changing room hoping she could be of some assistance.

“Need some help with that?” a voice stopped you dead in your tracks, swiftly turning to see Draco standing there, a mischievous smirk resting on his lips as he took a step closer to you.

“Are you stalking me or something?” you shook your head, furrowing your brows once you noticed how his eyes weren’t meeting yours, instead they were trailing up and down your body, devouring every inch of you.

“Eyes up here Malfoy” you teased which made him finally look up at you, but instead of replying with a snide comment of his own he threw the suit he’d been holding onto a clothing rag nearby and slowly began to stride towards you.

You weren’t able to get a word out as he tenderly placed his ring clad fingers on top of your bare shoulders scanning your face for approval witch you granted by carefully nodding your head taking in a deep breath as you felt him begin to slowly turn you around.

You shivered once the cold metal wrapped around his fingers began to run down your arms, his fingertips then gently dancing down the small of your back in a painfully teasing manner.

You couldn’t help but let out a breathy sigh as he took a step closer to you his lips ghosting over your ear as he began to pull the zipper upwards causing you to almost involuntarily lean into him. As soon as you did his scent consumed you, he smelled of expensive cologne and spearmint, even better than you could have ever imagined.

He stopped as the zip reached the bottom strands of your hair, he thought for a moment before he carefully wrapped his hand around your h/c locks, twisting them gently around his fingers before letting them fall over the side of your shoulder, the tips of his fingers ever so slightly running across the side of your neck as he moved them back down to where he’d stopped.

You gently tilted your head, closing your eyes in content once you felt his hot breath fan over your neck, you leaned your head back at the sensation resting it atop of Draco’s shoulder, shivering once you felt his lips ghost over the sweet spot just behind your ear, one of his arms finding your waist as the other continued to work its way up your back.

Once you heard the faint sound of the zipper click as it reached its closing you slowly opened your eyes feeling him take an impossible step closer to you, your behind now pressed into his front as he trailed his hands down to your hips.

“You clean up quite nice Y/L/N” he breathed out as he began running his hands up to your stomach before finally reaching your waist where they abruptly stopped so that he could turn you back around, you let out a gasp at the sudden forced movement your hands clinging onto his shoulders to prevent you from falling.

You opened your mouth but no words came out as you were consumed by the feeling of his fingers digging into your sides, his lips mere centimeters from yours you almost unknowingly began to lean in.

He mirrored your movements but just before your lips could meet someone cleared their throat from behind you causing you to jump away from him, frowning at the sudden loss of contact.

Once your eyes met Hermione’s you quickly cleared your throat acting as if nothing had (almost) happened, she raised an eyebrow obviously confused at the scene unfolding before her.

You turned back towards Draco who was looking at you almost expectantly, “I’m going with Harry to the ball” you suddenly felt the need to tell him, hoping he wouldn’t get the wrong idea from the little moment you had just shared.

“Potter seriously?” Draco scoffed in return before making his way around you and Hermione, your eyes following his figure and as soon as he was completely out of sight you finally felt like you could breath again, staggering backwards into Hermione who quickly put her arms up to catch you.

“Oh I’m in trouble”

-

You’d decided to buy the dress you’d tried on in the store, even though every time you put it on you couldn’t shake away the feeling of Draco being pressed against you as his lips hovered dangerously close to your neck.... You shook your head in hopes that it would toss the memory out of your mind, you couldn’t be thinking about Draco right now, not when Harry was standing just outside the Gryffindor common room patiently waiting for you to get ready.

“Can you zip me up?” you turned your back to Hermione who quickly rushed to your side swiftly beginning to pull the zipper on the back of your dress upwards. As you closed your eyes you got momentary flashes off Draco’s ring clad fingers wrapped around your body and you tried with all your might to shake the tingling feeling you got away, but nothing seemed to be working.

“Okay do a little spin for me” you let out a laugh at Hermione’s words but nevertheless you began spinning around your dorm playfully, letting your hair fall across your shoulders as Hermione threw her head back in laughter.

“You look incredible” she complemented as you engulfed each other in tight hugs mentally preparing yourselves for the night ahead.

“Oh please, I’m nothing compared to you” you stated linking your arms together before the two of you began to make your way to your awaiting dates.

Once the door to the Gryffindor common room opened the first thing you saw was Harry engaged in conversation with Hero, you could tell by his uncomfortable shuffling that the exchange had been awkward causing you to let out a small giggle which captured the attention of the two boys.

Harry’s mouth hung open as he let his eyes wander all over you, from the thigh-high front split on the front of your dress to your flawless makeup and perfectly styled hair, he was speechless, if you two weren’t best friends he’d probably be tripping over his own two feet by now.

“Well this is certainly an upgrade from last year” Harry let out a teasing laugh as he bowed down to take your hand in his.

“Oh shut up” you feigned annoyance as you stood beside him, feeling goosebumps run up your arms as his hand came to rest on your lower back, leading the two of you towards the Great Hall.

“In all seriousness Y/N, you look amazing” Harry gushed as he pulled you into his side. An uncontrollable blush creeping onto your cheeks at his words as you let your head fall on his shoulder.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Potter” you teased, the two of you letting out simultaneous fits of laughter as you followed closely behind Hero and Hermione.

After a moment of silence Harry suddenly spoke out, “Ron was going to ask her you know” the two of you shared knowing glances at his words, it was so painfully obvious that your other two best friends were head over heels in love with each other but neither of them dared to make the first move, either to scared of being rejected or ruining their many years worth of friendship.

“Figures” you shrugged a comfortable silence overtaking you as you walked over to one of the many rows of couples stood in front of the entrance leading into the Great Hall.

As the doors begun to open you excitedly smiled up at Harry but before you were able to move forward another couple had harshly pushed their way in front of you and you were immediately able to identify the mob of platinum blond hair.

“Excuse me” you rolled your eyes causing the two of them to turn their heads towards you, you couldn’t hold in your scoff once you saw who he’d decided to bring, Pansy Parkinson of all the people in this bloody school.

“Don’t start anything Malfoy” Harry warned before either of them were able to get a word out, it looked like Pansy was going to throw a snide comment your way but stopped as soon as her eyes met Draco’s, she let out a huff before reluctantly turning back around.

“You look dashing” Draco complimented, you could feel Harry tense up beside you and you snaked an arm around his waist in an attempt to calm him down, the last thing you wanted was to cause a scene.

“Shouldn’t you be telling that to your date?” you retorted gesturing towards Pansy who seemed to be strangely quiet, usually she couldn’t keep her mouth shut no matter the circumstance, but you weren’t complaining.

Draco didn’t respond instead he just shrugged his shoulders before turning back around his arm slipping down towards Pansy’s lower back, you felt the inkling feeling of jealousy begin to form inside you but you forced yourself to push it away giving Harry’s bicep a reassuring squeeze knowing it had taken all his might not to hex Draco then and there.

As soon as Draco and Pansy had left you two be you quickly pulled Harry along with you into the hall so you wouldn’t get trampled by the entourage of students crowded behind you who were also squeezing their way through the double doors.

You intertwined your fingers with Harry’s as you took in your surroundings. It looked even better than last year, snow was falling from the starry black ceiling stopping just a few feet above you, mistletoe’s and every traditional Christmas decoration you could think of were littered all across the hall and instead of the usual house tables there were hundreds of smaller silver ones, each having it’s own floating candle above them.

Once you spotted a decent place to sit you tugged onto Harry’s arm gesturing for him to follow you towards the table your eyes were set on, somehow along the way you managed to spot Hermione and you threw your arm up gesturing for her hand Hero to come sit with you and Harry.

It wasn’t long until the chair beside you was being pulled from underneath the table and Hermione placed her self atop of it along with Hero, you happily greeted both of them but all joy inside you seemed to fade away once you noticed Ron and Lavender heading your way.

Oh please no

Ron placed a chaste kiss on Lavender’s cheek as he pointed towards your table.

Don’t sit here

Lavender eagerly began to nod following behind Ron as they inched closer and closer.

Anywhere but here

Despite your silent praying Ron was now pulling a chair out for Lavender before taking a seat himself and as soon as he did an awkward tension filled the air. You grabbed Hermione’s hand from underneath the table giving it a reassuring squeeze noticing how she’d tensed up once Lavender had bitterly greeted her.

“Whose this then?” Ron could be heard from the other end of the table, you rolled your eyes at his tone, how did Hermione not realize he was jealous hell even Hero seemed to notice it as his eyes uncomfortably shifted between Hermione’s angered expression and Ron’s annoyed one.

“Hero Finnigan, and you?” he reached his hand out over the table and for a split moment your eyes had widened thinking Ron was actually going to sit there and ignore him but thankfully the ginger haired boy reluctantly reached over the table and connected his hand with Hero’s.

“Ron, Ron Weasely”

“Weasely, eh? could have guessed, I’m good friends with your brothers” Hero attempted to make conversation but Ron didn’t seem all to keen on it only muttering a “whatever” underneath his breath causing you to kick him from underneath the table, you gave him a warning glance to which he replied by throwing a small ‘piss off’ in your direction.

Before you could begin to scold him for his rude behaviour Dumbledore’s voice tore throughout the Great Hall preventing you from doing so although you had a feeling that if it hadn’t had been him it probably would have been Harry.

“Welcome students to our annual Jingle Ball, may I say you all look wonderful tonight” Dumbledore gingerly smiled, his wand lightly pressed against the side of his neck as he gestured towards the numerous students all dressed in their finest attires.

“We’ll start the evening with a three course meal prepared by our lovely house elves” claps begun to sound around the Great Hall which you quickly joined in on, smiling brightly once you noticed the numerous elves clumsily standing up from their seats and waving at the students.

“Once you’ve finished eating a band will be preforming for us and I hope that you and your dates will be joining me and McGonagall on the dance floor” laughter sounded around the hall at the last part of his sentence but instead of joining in like you usually would you found yourself draining out all noise as your eyes met Draco’s.

He’d already been looking your way and you couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on your lips as his icy grey eyes burned through yours, you felt like there was some type of force drawing you to him and you couldn’t do anything about it, even though your head was screaming at you that shouldn’t be developing feelings for someone as arrogant and cruel as Draco Malfoy your heart seemed to be having trouble following.

-

Once everyone had finished eating you were eager to get away from your table, somehow Hero and Ron had begun a full blown argument which you and Hermione had to quickly shut down by asking Lavender to take Ron somewhere else until he’d calm down, that boy could not control his temper if his life depended on it.

You’d managed to cheer Hermione up after the entire ordeal telling her that she should focus on herself for once and have fun, thankfully she’d listened and you couldn’t help the giddy expression overtaking your facial features as you watched her and Hero sway together on the dance floor.

“Care to dance M’ lady” Harry merrily bowed down in front of you reaching his hand out towards yours, you placed a hand on your chest in feigned surprise before gently laying your hand in Harry’s palm.

“Why, I would be delighted to” you attempted a posh accent unable to contain the giggle that fell past your lips as you let Harry lead you to the dance floor.

As soon as his arm had wrapped around your waist and the other intertwined with your hand another slow song began playing, most of the students were still digesting their food so their weren’t many on the dance floor, it was only you and Harry, Hero and Hermione and about six other couples.

You leaned your head on Harry’s chest letting him slowly sway you to the soothing melody of the song. “You know I love you right?” Harry mumbled as he placed a kiss on top of your head.

“I love you too, silly” you brightly smiled up at him, you both knew there weren’t harbored feelings for the other hidden behind those three words so you had no trouble voicing it to each other.

You tightly wrapped your arms around his waist continuing to slowly move around the dance floor. You knew how hard his life had been leading up to this point, losing his family, Sirius, and then Cedric he always had the inkling fear that one day he’d lose you or Ron or Hermione so you wanted to make sure he knew you weren’t going anywhere.

Sometimes silence speaks louder than words and you knew you were saying everything you needed just by being there with him, it felt like hours that you’d stayed that way wrapped in each others arms but soon students begun to make their way to the dance floor so you and Harry decided to take a short break, heading hand in hand back towards your table.

-

Unbeknownst to you whilst you and Harry had been in your own world gently dancing with each other for all eyes to see, Draco had been enduring pure torture over at his table.

“I can’t believe she choose Potter over you”

“That’s gotta sting”

“How’s it feel being the second choice”

“Hope you’re ready to do my homework for the rest of the year”

Was all he had heard for the last hour as he’d watched you and Harry dance with one another. No matter the threats he threw their way and menacing looks they just wouldn’t stop, he felt as if his power of being crowned the Slytherin prince was slipping away from him, since in his world losing to someone like Harry Potter was as low as you could get.

Then and there Draco decided he wasn’t going to endure it anymore he was making his move tonight no matter the circumstance.

-

“You know Ginny’s been eyeing you all night” you wiggled your eyebrows nudging Harry’s shoulder who awkwardly began shifting in his seat as he mumbled a ‘really’ in response to which you nodded.

“Go ask her too dance!” you stood up so you could force him out of his seat along with you, you subtly pointed towards Ginny’s direction who had swiftly looked away as soon as her eyes had met Harry’s.

“But what about you?” Harry frowned realizing you didn’t have anyone to spend time with if he’d leave since both Hermione and Ron seemed to be preoccupied with their dates.

“Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine! now go” you ushered him forward giving him a reassuring thumbs up as he began to walk towards her.

“You’re quite the matchmaker aren’t you?” Hermione had suddenly walked up behind you and you both watched in amusement as Harry almost fell over twice before he was able to reach Ginny who had happily agreed to dance with him.

“Where’s Hero?” you asked as you turned to face Hermione eyes wandering around the hall in an attempt to spot her date, “oh he’s just gone to get us some drinks, you’re welcome to join us if you’d like” Hermione offered but you shook your head.

“No its okay honestly I’m fine” you assured her, you did not want to spend the evening third wheeling your best friend and her date.

Hermione began opening her mouth surely to convince you to join them but stopped once her eyes landed on something behind you or rather someone behind you.

“Care to dance?”

You swiftly turned around to see Draco with his hand reaching out towards you, you tried your best to contain the smile that was so desperately gnawing at the sides of your mouth as you turned back to Hermione who was giving you knowing smile.

“Find me if you need anything alright?” you eagerly nodded at her words only turning back to Draco once Hermione had fully vanished into the crowd.

“One dance, that’s it” you attempted to sound serious but it came off in a more teasing manner as you let your hand fall into Draco’s.

“Agreed”

As soon as you’d reached the middle of the dance floor, Draco’s arm had snaked around your waist pulling you into him whilst the other intertwined your fingers. You let out a giggle as he began twirling you around, gracefully catching you back in his arms as both his hands moved to rest on your lower back.

“You’re quite the dancer” you complimented, without a doubt boosting Draco’s already large ego, “I know” he had replied with a knowing smirk, twirling you around one last time before pulling you flush up against him your noses bumping together since you’d already been looking up at him. You’d held the eye contact for a minute as you brightly smiled at each other before you gently let your chin rest on his shoulder as he slowly began swaying you from side to side.

As your eyes began dancing over the students you didn’t think anything could burst your happy bubble until your eyes found Harry’s who had a look of disappointment edged onto his features as he pulled away from Ginny who had frowned at his sudden dismissal as she watched him begin to make his way out of the Great Hall.

You cleared your throat as you uncomfortably began shuffling away from Draco who gave you a look of confusion as he watched you pull your hand out of his and back away from him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry I can’t do this” you muttered before hurriedly turning around and squeezing your way through the crowd of students all huddled together on the dance floor, most of them giving you annoyed glances as you pushed them out of the way but you didn’t care all you wanted to do was find Harry. You couldn’t imagine how he’d felt once he saw you his best friend, dancing with someone who’d made his life a living hell ever since the first year.

Once you’d exited the Great Hall you frantically began looking around the empty corridors in an attempt to find Harry who’d stormed out here only moments ago.

“Y/N!” you heard Draco call from behind you but you ignored him, picking up your pace once you heard his nearing footsteps echoing around the empty hallways.

“Y/N please wait” you felt him grab ahold of your wrist swiftly turning you back to face him, his grip only tightening as you began attempting to pull your hand away.

“No! You can’t treat my friends like shit and then expect me to give in on whatever the hell you’re trying to do” you finally managed to rip your hand out of his grasp as you turned back around but he quickly ran in front of you placing his hands on your shoulders to keep you in place.

“Listen I’m sorry alright, bloody hell I just- I can’t stop thinking about you I don’t know how to explain it but I think I might-” he cut himself off hesitating to speak his next words unsure of how you’d react since he didn’t want to return to his friends with yet another failed attempt.

“You think you might what?” you crossed your arms over your chest glaring up at him as you watched his mouth open and close again.

“Fancy you” he finally let out, your eyes widening as you let your hands fall down to your hips. You took a few steps back until you couldn’t move any further the tall walls of the castle preventing you from doing so.

“You what?” you barely whispered and Draco took that as his chance to walk towards you placing both his hands on the wall next to you.

As you looked back up at him he slowly started to remove one hand from the wall so he could place it onto your cheek and just like he’d done in the store, he began leaning in until his lips were barely hovering above yours, you so desperately wanted to close the gap between you but a part of you was screaming to push him away and never look back, but as your eyes met his once more you couldn’t bring yourself to do it your heart taking control as he pressed his lips against your own.

Your lips continued dancing with each other at a normal pace until he’d moved to deepen the kiss swiftly wrapping his arms around your waist so you were able to loop yours around his neck, he pushed you even tighter up against the wall causing you to let out a gasp allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You ran your fingers through his hair gently pulling on the strands on the back of his head before letting your head fall to the side as he began leaving kisses down your neck his hands trailing down your sides until they wrapped around your hips pulling you even further into him.

You gently blinked your eyes open as you pulled away from him, your lips undoubtedly swollen and your lipstick smeared but you didn’t care.

“No one can know about this, not until I talk to Harry” you breathed out leaning your forehead against his as you attempted to slow your heart rate by taking deep breaths in and out.

“Of course I won’t tell anyone” he lied, he’d gotten quite good at that after having to continuously lie to his father ever since he was a child, one particular incident that he would never forget was when he’d accidentally let one of the house elves go because he didn’t know that to free them they had to be granted an item of clothing and on a particularly cold night he saw no harm in granting the elf his jacket since it had been shivering beside him and when his father had barged into his room later in the night furious at his son’s stupidity Draco had lied and told him that the elf had tricked him into doing so and upon hearing this his father had tracked the elf down and casted the unforgivable curse onto him, after that Draco lied to his father about almost everything he did to ensure something like that would never happen again.

Amongst his peers he was powerful and feared but when it came to his father he was nothing, never good enough and always in the way. School was the only place he felt he was more than his father’s words so he knew that as soon as he would make his way into the Slytherin common room the first thing he was going to do was tell his friends that he’d done it, that you were slowly but surely beginning to fall for him, which put him right back on top. 

TAGLIST:

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Let me know in my inbox or asks if you’d liked to be added, much love <333

[1800-omi]

scared.

characters: sakusa x reader

warnings/genre: liberal use of italics, female reader, swearing, angst, fluff

notes: i tried to proof read as much as possible i swear

Saying Sakusa Kiyoomi was good-looking was an understatement. Everything — from his soft skin to the way his perfect black curls fell on his forehead to his deep brown eyes — looked amazing on him. From that description alone one might say Kiyoomi is feminine, but his well built body and strong jaw say otherwise. He was pretty. Perfect balance between masculine and feminine. With that said, you couldn’t understand how Sakusa Kiyoomi had eyes for you when everyone else had eyes for him.

In fact, Kiyoomi not only had the looks, but he had the smarts too. He had perfect grades, had won so many awards, so many certificates. He had been at the top of his class ever since primary school. You weren’t sure whether there was something he has not achieved. He is the golden boy every family wanted, so when your family found out you were dating him you could say they were more than pleased.

Having known him for more than 3 years and having dated him for 2 years, you knew that being Sakusa Kiyoomi’s partner wasn’t easy. To others, you weren’t Y/N, you were Sakusa’s girlfriend. The perfect girlfriend for the perfect boy, always by his side, always supporting him. This was not necessarily a bad thing, but at times you thought whether you’d ever be more than just someone’s girlfriend. Not to mention, were you just an accessory to him too? When with him, you had this terrible desire to be loved, and still there was a horrible fear of being left behind.

Once again, you decide to put all these thoughts and insecurities aside. Letting out a soft sigh, you open the door of the café you were supposed to be meeting your boyfriend. The edge of the door shakes a little bell, causing it to ring, alerting the people in the café that someone has entered. You look around the place, eyes searching for your boyfriend.

The café was decorated beautifully, with big lilac plants planted in vases placed at the corners of the room. Each table had a little vase with a small flower on it, you never were sure whether all of them were real or not. The metal chairs were each coloured differently and looked quite vintage, each of them had a cushion placed on top of it, to make it more comfortable. The pastry and desserts the café offered also smelled wonderful. This place calmed your nerves the moment you stepped in which is why it was your favourite place to spend time in.

Looking around the café, you see Kiyoomi sitting at your usual place, at the corner. You make your way to the table he’s sitting at and sit in front of him.

“Hello, love,” he says the moment you take a seat, “how was your day?”

You take your bag off and put it on the empty chair beside you. “My day was good. I'm quite tired, though.”

“Not getting proper sleep again?” he raised an eyebrow, “you do know that's not healthy, right?”

Another thing Sakusa Kiyoomi likes to do is make sure you’re living as much of a healthy and perfect life as he is. You knew he did this out of love but sometimes you couldn't help but feel as if you couldn't keep up with him and his perfect lifestyle.

“Yes, I know. Don’t worry, I did get sleep, I just didn't get my daily coffee today.” That was a lie. You were up all night studying for your exams. The exams you have not studied nearly enough for because of the responsibilities that came with being the cheerleader’s captain.

“That’s good then.” A waitress walked to the table you were sitting in, placing two coffees and two slices of cake on it, one for each of you. “I ordered for us, I hope you don't mind.” He says and he removes his mask getting ready to sip his coffee.

“Thank you, you always know what I like.” you smile at him before looking down at your slice of cake, grabbing a fork and begging to eat it.

You see Kiyoomi grab his phone and swipe a few times all before opening his mouth and saying. “The exam results are out.”

With that, you feel your stomach turn and you get hit by a sudden wave of anxiety. You are not sure whether or not you want to check your results right now. You know you did not do well, but you can't just stand there staring at your cake either. You slowly pick up your phone, hands slightly shaking. Kiyoomi doesn't notice this, actually, he does not know this side of you at all.

He sees you swipe a couple of times, all before freezing and gulping. You’re praying he doesn't ask about your grade, so you try to ask him questions instead. “So, what did you get?” you put your phone down and put both your hands on your lap, playing with your fingers under the table.

“Maximum points, as usual,” he answers, making your stomach feel even sicker.

“That’s amazing! Congratulation—”

“What about you?” he interrupts you, his dark brown eyes staring into yours.

“I did, um, I did alright!” you stutter, forcing a smile at him. You were proud of your grade, but you knew he would not feel the same. It wasn't even his opinion on his grade that mattered to you, it was the fact he did better than you. You used all the free time you had for studying, you truly gave it your all, and yet here you are, second, again.

“Let me check.” before you could protest, he grabs your phone.

“No, Kiyoomi, ” by the time the words left your mouth he’s already swiped a couple times.

He opens his mouth and lets out a soft sigh, a soft sigh that almost went unnoticed by you. “You know, I’m gonna need to tutor you more often.”

Here he goes, once again, making your heart ache. Making you feel so small, so useless, so ashamed. He does not know that you were expecting way worse. He does not know that if you didn't have him, you would be way happier with your results. To him, your efforts are small, so, so small. This feeling has been going on for years now, you can’t remember whether there was ever a time where you didn't feel like the second-best beside him. He made you feel so pathetic, it made you angry and unbearably sad.

“Actually, no, I don't think I need your tutoring. I did quite well.”

“I know you did, but you could’ve done better.”

“Oh? Well, I didn’t and I’m proud of my results.” You raised your voice slightly. Your tone made it seem like you were trying to prove something wrong even though there was nothing to prove him wrong.

He could sense you were mad at him and he didn’t even know why, which made him angry too. “What’s with the attitude? It’s not my fault you didn’t study. You literally had weeks to do it.”

That did it. You were at the edge of breaking. “You know what? You’re right, it’s not your fault. I was the one wasting time coming to all your games and getting your cheerleading squad ready. I was the one wasting time supporting you and your dumb fucking team.” At the end of the sentence, your voice broke and your vision was getting blurry by your tears. By now, everyone else in the café was staring at the argument go down. “Next time, I won’t even fucking bother.” You grabbed your bag and rushed out the door, trying to sob as quietly as possible.

His eyes had widened at your response. He put his head on his hands and whispered, “Fuck, I messed up.”

It had been two weeks since you last talked to Kiyoomi and there was not a day that passed in which you had not thought of your fight with him. Whenever you thought about what went down you felt sick. Yet here you are, sitting on your desk, homework waiting to be finished in front of you while you think about it again. All Kiyoomi was trying to do was help you, how could you be so selfish? How could you let your jealousy take over? Your failures are not his fault. You should’ve just studied, but you’re so fucking useless you can't even do that properly. Regret and anxiety had consumed you. Seeing him in the hallways of the school didn't help. You weren't sure what was going on with your relationship anymore, is he breaking up with you? Once again you were dragged away from these thoughts by the sound of knocking on your bedroom door. You shake your head, trying to make yourself sound as normal as possible before talking, “Come in!” you say, looking back at the homework in front of you.

“Hey, ” You’re shocked to hear a voice that didn't belong to any of your family members. You turn around to see Kiyoomi. “Your mom told me to come up, sorry if I'm interrupting.”

“No, it's alright.” you stay quiet, not sure whether you're gonna continue this conversation normally or not. Should you apologise? Should he be the one to apologise?

“I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi speaks up and continues before you can reply. “Can I sit down?” You nod and get up from your desk as he sits down on your bed. You sit down next to him and speak.

“ 'm sorry as well.”

“No, you don't have anything to apologise for. I shouldn't have said what I said.”

“No, you don't understand, it's my fault. I, ” you start tearing up, “I was so selfish and I was jealous and, and–”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Of everything! I mean, you’re so perfect and you achieve everything you want to and I’m just so terrified of being left behind. I'm so terrified of always being second.”

“Love,” he pulled you into his arms, making you start sobbing.

“And I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better girlfriend, I’m so sorry.” You manage to get out through the sobs. “It’s just that these thoughts have been hurting me so, so much. I don’t think I can take it.”

He kept hugging you as he answered. “Love, I couldn’t have asked for a better girlfriend. You’re always so supportive and I know you always try your best.” He placed a kiss on your forehead, “I’m sorry for making you feel this way. Please know that to me, you’ll always be the first. I love you.” You hadn't expected Kiyoomi to say anything, he had always been the type to just let his presence comfort you. The fact he’s trying to reach out to you with his words made you realise how much you meant to him.

“I love you too.” you wipe your tears. “Thank you, Omi.”

Instead of replying, he kisses you. You missed his soft lips on yours, you missed the feeling of having him so close to you. You missed feeling so loved, feeling so important to someone and at the same time having someone who’s just as important to you. You missed him.

reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[alltooreid]

Clean

As Spencer struggles to overcome his dilaudid addiction, Y/N is dealing with an addiction of her own, to her toxic, manipulative boyfriend. This is an account of a full year, following their joint journeys to sobriety and new love.

A/N: Hi!! I have another Taylor Swift inspired Spencer Reid one shot (but of course you do not need to know the song to understand the one shot). Although originally I was going to write something more fluffy, I switched to this song to write something more angsty and interesting. However, to change pace from my last one shot, this one has a much happier, hopeful ending. However, it is very triggering so please read the trigger warnings before you start. Also, if you have any songs you want to read please let me know!! Also, if you just have a general request please send it my way! Thank you so much for the love on my All Too Well one shot, I never thought my first fanfic on here would be so well received!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: Angst, but hopeful angst

Word Count: 7.6K

Content Warnings: Cursing, mentally and physically abusive relationship, relationship cheating (ie, reader is being cheated on), blood and cuts description, drug addiction (these parts are kept short purposefully), lots of fighting and yelling both in reader’s relationship and between Spencer and reader, however, there is a happy and hopeful ending. Reader is struggling to get out of her toxic relationship, please no comments about her being stupid. If you are in a situation like Y/N, please don’t use this fic as a guide. Get help immediately. https://www.thehotline.org/

Things to Know: Italics and bold are flashback moments, the time and date headers serve as time skips :) let me know what you think! Please request any songs you would like to see be made one shots!

“You're still all over me Like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore Hung my head as I lost the war And the sky turned black like a perfect storm”

3:27 AM, April 16th, 2007.

You have known Spencer for a long time. In fact, you’ve known him longer than you’ve known Randall, and you’ve felt like you’ve known Randall your entire life.

Maybe that’s because you let him become your entire life.

Still, although you had known Spencer for 7 years, 2 years longer than the entirety of your on again, off again relationship with Randall. You still felt weird calling him. He was going through a lot right now, not that he wasn’t normally. Spencer had one of the most difficult jobs you could think of. You know Spencer has shot and killed people before, and you know every time he did it ate him up inside.

And every time he did he called you.

You also knew that Spencer is one of the kindest people you have ever met, you struggle to imagine him wielding a gun on a daily basis. He just seems too sweet, too perfect.

Yet there was a lot you didn’t know about the young genius.

You have no idea that as you stand in the street, contemplating whether you should call Spencer to come and get you, Spencer is making a difficult decision of his own. As you worry about the possibility of waking Spencer up this early in the morning, Spencer sits wide awake and ponders if he has enough time to get high before he has to leave for work in 3 hours.

As you sit on the side of the road, debating between your very few options, Spencer leads up against the side of his bathtub tears pouring down his cheeks, tears that he doesn’t even register as being there.

Fortunately for the both of you, at the same time Spencer reaches into his bag to search for that tiny glass bottle, his phone begins to ring.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You sigh, “He kicked me out again Spencer, is there anyway you can come get me?”

Spencer looks around his apartment, frantically hiding the belt and the needles he had gotten out for the events he was anticipating. “Yeah, of course I can come get you, um, just give me a couple minutes and send me your location.”

3:52 AM, April 16th, 2007.

You’re in the passenger’s seat of Spencer’s car, both of you sitting in silence. This situation isn’t new to either of you, Spencer has picked you up plenty of times before, in fact he’s done it for years now. One time, about 3 years into your relationship with Randall, you were permitted to go out by yourself with Spencer’s team, they wanted to meet you, apparently Spencer talked about you all the time. While you were at dinner with them, Morgan asked you if you had a car of your own. You explained that you did, but that your boyfriend had it a majority of the time, and that when he didn’t he hated you using it because you always had to mess with everything. He hates you touching his stuff. Morgan made a weird face about that answer, so you quickly followed up, explaining that you didn’t mind.

You do mind though. You hate how he never lets you touch anything or go anywhere, and you hate how much he despises your only form of transportation.

Spencer.

Randall hates everything about Spencer Reid, and he especially hates seeing his car pull into your driveway. That’s why after the 8th time he kicked you out, you started walking half a mile to the nearest gas station before calling Spencer.

The first time Spencer came to get you Randall came out to talk to you before you left.

“What are you doing? Who is this?”

“It’s Spencer, he’s gonna take me to his apartment.” you explained, confused why Randall was so angry you were leaving when he was the one who had kicked you out.

“Oh so just because I don’t want to look at your bitchass all night that means you can go sleep with another man? I knew you were a whore Y/N. You know him and his stupid fucking car aren’t going to be able to deal with you the way I can. How old is that thing anyway?”

“Randall, calm down, I’m not sleeping with Spencer. I love you, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. But I’m not gonna sit out here all night, where else should I go?”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so quick to whore yourself out to the easiest man you could find I would invite you back inside,” he said before slamming the door in your face.

So you got in Spencer’s car, the one Randall would grow to hate so much.

“Are you okay Y/N? He didn’t hit you did he? You know you can come live with me, you should really get out of that house, I can get Morgan tomorrow and we can go get your belongings. I have plenty of-”

You snapped at him, “No Spencer he’s not hitting me! Why do you always jump to that conclusion, Randall is a great guy! I would’ve never called you if you were going to jump to conclusions like this. You’re supposed to be a genius, yet you’re acting like such a dumb ass right now.”

Spencer looked at you, and immediately you regretted your words. You knew Spencer was just worried about you and with his line of work he had reason to be. However before you could apologize he spoke again.

“I’m sorry Y/N, forget I said anything.”

You both sat in silence for a few moments before you even knew what to say, and yet all you could think of was, “Hey Spence, what kind of car do you drive?”

He smiled, “It’s a 1965 Volvo Amazon P130 122S, it’s horizon blue, that’s the color they refer to it as. Did you know they’re known as so reliable that the 4 door models are still used as police vehicles in some places. This one’s a two door, but still runs great. . . “

You smiled, how fitting a man as reliable as Spencer Reid had the perfect car to match.

When you get to Spencer’s apartment something seems off. Spencer has always lived in organized chaos, but this just feels different. Unlike his normal mess, this one feels like a blatant disregard for his things, even some of his most prized possessions. His books are strewn across the floors, his clothes overflowing from his laundry basket, which was a mix of both folded, clean, yet to be put away things and worn items. Weirdly, the one place that looks untouched is his kitchen, as if he hasn’t used it in months. And you mean that in the most literal interpretation, his counters are covered in visible, undisturbed dust.

“Thank you so much Spencer, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He smiles, but his eyes look so tired. “Don’t worry about it Y/N.”

And at 4:47, you finally fall asleep in Spencer’s bedroom, which he insists you take, and he stays awake until he leaves for work just a few hours later.

9:33 PM, April 17th, 2007.

You leave Spencer’s apartment the following night, after an unfortunate screaming match with him. You have never seen him so angry, so easily ticked off. Yet as soon as Randall called you Spencer became aggressive.

“Yeah babe, I’ll be home as soon as I can. I’ll take a cab and be home within the hour. Of course I’m not mad at you sweetheart, I know you didn’t mean it. I love you, see you soon.”

Spencer exitted his kitchen in a huff, and opened his mouth to start talking before you spoke up.

“I’m sure you’ve overheard already, but Randall’s letting me back in the house. Thank you so much Spence. I really appreciate everything you do to help me. Call me soon please, I definitely owe you lunch,” you said, grabbing your coat and your phone, the only things you had managed to grab from your home before your unplanned eviction.

“Why do you even stay with him Y/N? Why do you keep going back there?” Spencer yelled. You had never seen him like this before, so livid and irritable.

“I love him Spence, and he loves me,” you explained, and you were telling the truth. You do love Randall, and you know that in his heart he loves you too, even if he got a little angry sometimes.

“If he loved you he wouldn’t treat you like this Y/N! Don’t you think I would know? I see this everyday! It’s my job! And yet my best friend is too stupid to realize she’s been in an abusive relationship for almost 6 years!”

You were just as angry now, “You’re wrong Spencer, I don’t wanna hear this okay? I love Randall and he loves me. We deserve each other.”

Spencer’s face softened before growing angry once more, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Fuck you Spencer, I’m going home. I don’t need you and I don't need your help,” you said, grabbing your things and slamming the door open. You were lying, you need Spencer and you need his help more than anything, but you didn’t want to admit that while he was being such a dick.

“Fine!” he yelled, “Go run back to him then, but you better not call me when he kicks you out again. I don’t care anymore!”

And so you left, Spencer slammed the door behind you as you stormed out of his apartment. You didn’t stop to think about the fact that Spencer never acts like this. He has never lashed out at you, never questioned your relationship with Randall to your face, let alone scream at you and insult you because of it. You didn’t stop and think about what Spencer was on, or not on, that was making his act like this.

But you thought about it now.

You want to get home before Randall starts to get upset and suspicious, but now after your fight with Spencer you have to walk home. You couldn’t ask him to borrow cash for a cab, let alone ask him to drive you there. You were stuck walking, which also meant you were stuck with Randall’s wrath when you returned.

You already feel terrible about the way you treated Spencer. You think about going to apologize, and stand in front of the door for a second, weighing the pros and cons of doing so. Eventually, you go to turn away, ultimately deciding that you both needed to calm down before speaking to each other again.

Yet as you turn, the door opens. Spencer stands right there, strangely calm, seemingly out of it. All fury and anger you had seen just minutes before gone. In this moment he resembles Randall, and it's the first time you’ve ever been able to draw any comparison to the two.

It’s scary.

“Spencer I-” but you get cut off, not by words, but by an object. Before you can even register what was just thrown in your face the door is closed again. You duck down to grab what was thrown.

Twenty dollars.

For the cab ride home.

1:34 AM, April 23rd, 2007.

You light the final candle on your dining room table, before stepping back to admire your work. Randall always came home so late from work, so you rarely ate dinner together. But today was your anniversary, so you stayed up late, prepared his favorite meal and set up all of your fancy dinnerware so that you could have a very late dinner together before he goes to bed and you go to work. He should be home any minute now.

Yet 3 hours later Randall is not back. You’re just about to cut your losses and call it a night, and start to clean up the melted down candles and cold steak dinner as you hear your front door open.

“Y/N! What are you doing still awake?”

“Do you know what day it is Randall? Because I do.”

He looks down at his watch, checks the time, and looks back up at you, “Well it is now 3:57 AM, meaning it is now Monday. Which is why I’m curious as to what you’re still doing up sweetheart, you have to be at work in 3 hours.” “There’s something special about THIS Monday Randall,” you sigh, you’re disappointed but not surprised, this has happened for the past 3 years.

“Do you have a project going on at work baby? You know I can’t keep track of all that crap, your job is so silly and easy to lose track of. You have to remind me of these things if you actually want me to care about them.”

“It’s our anniversary Randall.”

He stops, but instead of looking guilty or remorseful (like you secretly hoped), he gets livid, “No it’s not, are you stupid or something?”

“Randall, baby it’s okay, it’s not a big deal.”

“No! You stupid fucking bitch, are you trying to make me look bad, cooking this stupid fancy dinner and staying up late. Trying to lie and act like I forgot our five year anniversary?! Stop playing the victim Y/N. So tell me, are you lying to make me feel bad, or is your brain really that fucking empty?”

“It’s our six year anniversary,” you whisper.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I was just being stupid Randall. You’re right baby, I forgot the date of our anniversary.”

He snarls. “I don’t think so Y/N, I think, actually I know that not only are you stupid, but that you’re a liar. I know that you just want to make me look bad by preparing our anniversary dinner a week early. And you have to push it by claiming we’ve been together for six years. I know it’s five. I’m not stupid.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” you cry.

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” he yells, pushing his plate of steak and mashed potatoes, letting your parent’s wedding china shatter on the ground. You cry harder. “You’re a stupid, waste of my time Y/N. Five wasted years I’ve spent on you. Do you know why I do it, huh. Do you know why I stay with you when I could have one of the beautiful, rich, successful, truthful women I’m fucking?”

You shake your head.

“It’s because I feel pity for you. No other man would want you. I’m the only one that will ever love you. You know that right Y/N?” He picks up a piece of your hair, gently tucking it behind your ear. “Tell me that I’m the only one who will love you, you know it’s the truth right?” You nod your head. In a swift motion Randall turns, grabs a glass full of red wine and chucks it at the wall, narrowly avoiding your left ear.

“I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.”

“You’re the only one who will ever love me Randall,” you croak out in between sobs.

He closes the distance between you two once more, gripping your chin and jerking your face so that your eyes meant his. It hurts, and makes you cry more, but you don’t say anything.

“Don’t you know it sweetness,” he lets go, delivers a sharp slap to your check and grips your wrist. “Now clean your mess up, and then I think it’s best if you get out of the house for a little bit, don’t you agree?”

You nod quickly. He smiles.

“Good girl, now I would normally be worried about you going to hook up with that string bean you’re always all over, but according to the last time I went through your phone, he isn’t in your recent calls. Glad to know he’s finally done with your bullshit. I’m sure a nice long walk alone will do you good. You can think about what led you to lying tonight, and then maybe you can come back in time for our real anniversary.”

He slips upstairs, so you clean up the rest of the uneaten meal and the broken wine class, cutting up your hands severely in the process. You spend at least an hour in a futile attempt to get red wine stains off of your wallpaper, before grabbing your phone and purse and running out the door.

Even after what Randall says, you still think about calling Spencer. Your thumb hovers over the call button for a minute until you switch the contact, phoning your boss instead. You inform her you need a personal day, and that it’s a family emergency.

You check the time, 6:53. Spencer is almost definitely on his way to work right now. You want to call him so bad, but the things he said you ring through your mind. You can’t ask for his help anymore.

For the first time, you are truly on your own.

Until a familiar horizon blue Volvo pulls up next to the curb you’re sitting on, and Spencer Reid sticks his head out the window.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? Get it the car, come on I’ll drive you to work with me.”

Confused as you are, this is your best option right now. So you climb into the passenger seat of his car, refusing to make eye contact with him, instead looking at your bleeding hands. “Oh my god, Y/N. You’re bleeding. Did Randall do this to you? Why didn’t you call me?”

“No, Spencer, Randall didn’t do this to me. He dropped a wine glass and I helped him pick it up. Now just drive.” And he does, drive that is. But you can feel his stares, on your cut up hands, and you forming bruises. You can feel him profiling the signs of abuse on your body.

But more than that you hate that you can feel he’s upset with you. Upset because you didn’t call him. Does he not remember screaming at you not too?

He pulls into the parking lot, parks the car and finally turns to make eye contact with you. He has tears in his, “I really wish you would’ve called me Y/N. If it’s getting this bad I want you to stay with me.”

“Spencer am I going insane?”

“Of course not, what do you mean?” he looks so gentle, so kind and you’re so confused.

“Do you remember what day me and Randall started dating?”

“Yes, it was April 23rd, 2001. 6 years ago today actually. Is that why he did this to you? Does it have anything to do with that?”

“How can you remember that but not our screaming match a week ago?” you laughed, your hands burned now, there’s definitely glass in there, you swear you can feel the tiny little shards in your blood.

“What do you mean, Y/N? We didn’t scream at each other? I haven’t even seen you in weeks. How long has he been hitting you? Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“Spencer, on the 16th you picked me up and took me back to your apartment because Randall kicked me out. On the evening of the 17th I went to leave because Randall told me I could come home. You said I was being abused and called me stupid for going back to him. When we fought about it I stormed out and you told me not to call you if he kicked me out again because you didn’t care anymore. That’s why I didn’t call you.”

You look up at Spencer, and nearly start crying yourself when you see his crumpled face. Tears are freely spilling down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I don’t remember that,” he pushes his long hair out of his face, clearly frazzled, “I- I can’t believe I don’t remember that.”

Before you can say anything, Spencer pulls out his phone. “Hey Hotch, it’s me. I can’t come in today. I need to use a personal day. . . I’ll tell you later. Okay, thank you” He angrily pulls out of the parking lot, and you can tell he’s headed back to his apartment.

“Spencer it’s okay, I’m not upset with you.”

“No Y/N, it’s not okay. I said all those terrible things to you, of course you were scared to call me after them. The worst part is I was too high to even remember it all. I- I just can’t believe I helped him do this to you,” tears still freely flowing down his face.

“Spencer what are you talking about? I was with you all day, you weren’t high. You don’t even drink, how could you be high?”

He sighs, “do you remember when I was kidnapped by that unsub, Tobias Hankel? About 2 months ago?” You nod, encouraging him to continue. “Well, I told you about his multiple personalities, how one beat me to death and then Tobias resurrected me, how  I had to kill Tobias in order to survive, even though Tobias himself did nothing to me. Well when I was in the barn, Tobias would give me drugs, dilaudid, in order to cut the pain of his other personalities’ abuse. When I killed him, I took the drugs he had one him with me, and I can’t stop Y/N. It’s affecting my life, my work, and now it’s affecting you.” He parks his car in his apartment complex’s lot and turns to look at you. “Hotch has never said anything about it, so even though the team knows I have no reason to quit, I think I do now. Y/N, I think we need to get clean together.”

Suddenly that night made sense, Spencer was irritable and strange, he wasn’t high, he was going through withdrawal. But when he threw the money at you, so loopy and out of it, he was on it. He was so high he didn’t remember the moments before.

“Spencer, I don't know what to say. I want to help you get sober, I want that more than anything, but I’m not addicted to drugs, I rarely even drink.”

“I know Y/N, you don’t have a drug problem like me, but you are an addict. You need to leave Randall. You know it, I know it, but you can’t.” You open your mouth to defend yourself, but Spencer continues to speak, “It’s okay, I understand why. But we both need to quit, and I think it’s best if we do it together.”

“Well how are we supposed to do that,” you whisper.

“Come on, let’s get started,” you and Spencer exit his car, he loops your hands together, leading you up to his apartment. When you get there, he digs through his messenger bag and grabs a couple of tiny glass bottles and a syringe. He throws them into his garbage can, and turns to look at you.

“Pull out your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“We’re going to block Randall’s number.”

You want to fight him on it, but you know he’s right. You need to leave Randall, and now’s as good of a time as any. Yet, you can’t forget the things he’s said to you. “I can’t Spencer, he’s my boyfriend, he loves me.”

“Y/N, please, please do this with me.” You shake your head, he sighs. “Okay, I get it, this is going to take time. Just, um, stay with me for a couple days. Please. We can go get your stuff tomorrow night.”

You think about rejecting Spencer’s offer, but you really don’t want to go back there. More than anything, you want to stay right here. You try to tell yourself it’s because you’re worried about Spencer, but deep down you know it’s more than that. So you nod, and Spencer wraps you in a hug, burying his head into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Y/N. Now let’s go get your hands wrapped up.”

9:21 PM, May 2nd, 2007.

You’ve been staying at Spencer’s for just over a week now. You haven’t seen Randall since your anniversary, and Spencer hasn’t taken dilaudid while you’ve been here. Things are going well. You’re watching a lot of bad reality TV, and Spencer has gone through about 7 packs of Gatorade, but you’re both doing okay.

Now you were just waiting for him to come back from his case in Idaho, you knew this one was pretty bad. They were searching for a woman in the middle of a huge forest, as she was being hunted and chased down. Spencer called you right before getting on the jet, and told you he would be home soon, so now you were just waiting for him.

While doing so however, you found something. A lump on Spencer’s side of the mattress. Under it, were two small glass bottles and a syringe. The same ones you had seen Spencer throw into the garbage days prior.

Now you need to talk to Spencer, so you sit on his couch, and wait for him to come home. When he comes through the door, he immediately sees you and smiles. “Y/N! I’ve missed you.” He hugs you, and for a second you forget why you’re even mad at him in the first place.

“Spencer, I need to talk to you. I found your bottles.” The mood in the room instantly shifts, but you don’t care, you need to get your words out. “You told me you were quitting, I watched you throw them away.”

He brushes his hairs through his hair, and begins to mess with his hands. “I am quitting Y/N, I haven't taken any, but. . .  I just need them to be there.”

“Spencer, please, throw them away. I’m trying to help you here.” Suddenly he grows very angry, and you can tell you said the wrong thing.

“Well I’m trying too. To me it seems the only one not trying is you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you still haven’t blocked Randall, he still calls all the time! Why do I have to throw my addiction away if you can’t even do the same to yours?”

“That's not fair.”

“How so?” he yells. “How is it that you can’t block your abusive, no good piece of shit boyfriend but I have to throw away the things I enjoy? That doesn’t feel like trying to me.”

“I’m not addicted to Randall Spencer, I just love him. I don’t want or need to quit him.”

“Oh really? Then why are you even still here? Why haven’t you answered his calls? Or gone to see him? I think you know exactly why.”

And you do. You don’t want to go back there, but what Randall says is true. He is the only one who will love you, and you’re not ready to lose that yet. You’re not ready to cut off all contact with him.

“I can leave if that’s what you want Spencer.”

His face softened, “no, that’s not what I want. That’s the last thing I want.” He stops and thinks for a moment. “If you block Randall I’ll throw away my dilaudid.”

You ponder it, “Okay.”

He breaks into a wide smile. “Really? You’ll do it?”

You smile at him.

“Yeah, I promise. I’ll block Randall.”

6:56 PM, May 30th, 2007.

You did not block Randall.

Even after watching Spencer pour out his bottles, breaking up the glass and tossing it away for a second time, you couldn’t. Even after seeing him snap his syringes in half, and feeling him kiss your forehead, after seeing how happy and excited he was for your fresh start together, you just couldn’t do it.

Spencer thought you did, and it was easy to hide the truth from him. Randall hadn’t called since then, so you and Spencer continue to spend time together, last week you celebrated one month of sobriety. You got an ice cream cake and little, silly party hats and exchanged gifts.

And it made you feel like shit.

Spencer was so happy, so proud that you had both been clean for a month, but you still couldn’t decide if you wanted to be clean at all.

You still can’t decide if you should block Randall’s number.  

You try not to think about it, instead focusing the energy into making you and Spencer virgin pina coladas, he was currently out picking up burgers from your favorite restaurant. When he returns, you were going to watch one of your crappy reality TV reruns, and then an episode of Doctor Who. It was Spencer’s idea a couple days ago, and quickly it became a regular occurrence.

Faintly over the loud whir of the blender you can hear your phone ringing. You run  quickly to go grab it, just in case Spencer needed your help with something, but your heart drops when you see the caller ID. It’s Randall, trying once again to contact you.

Your thumb hovers over the accept button, but before you can make a decision, the call times out and sends Randall to voicemail. You let out a breath and set your phone down.

But then something possesses you, and you snatch your phone and dial Randall’s number. He picks up on the 3rd ring.

“Baby, oh my god baby is that really you?”

He sounds so excited to hear from you, how could you have stayed mad at him for so long?

“Yes baby, it’s me. I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls at all. I’ve been busy.”

“Don’t worry sweetness, I’m so so sorry for the things I said to you, I need you to come home. You missed our anniversary you know? But it’s okay! We can celebrate now! I got you a really beautiful gift, one we can definitely experiment with tonight.” You could hear his smirk over the phone.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready to come back right now, maybe later baby, but not right now.”

You hear his breathing pick up, and tense. You can tell he’s getting agitated. He wasn’t expecting you to answer like that, you always come home as soon as he tells you you can come back. “What do you mean? You’re being ridiculous, I want to see my girlfriend. I’m sure you want to get off of the streets too, you’ve been squatting for over a month now.”

“I’m not squatting Randall, I’m living with Spencer.”

“What!?” he yells. “I thought I told you not to stay with him. I hate that guy, you know that.”

“Would you rather me be on the streets Randall? Spencer’s a great guy, and I want to stay here.”

“Frankly, yes I would. But don’t worry, you can still come home. Just send me the prick’s address and I’ll come pick you up. We can enjoy tonight together.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not going to send you Spencer’s address. I’m staying here. I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave me alone Randall. I’m done.”

Before he could say anything, you hung up. As you did so you heard the front door open, and Spencer made his way to the bedroom.

“Hey! I got burgers! Ready to eat?” he looks down to see your phone still resting in your hand, stuck on the phone app. “Who were you talking to?”

“Just an old friend,” you say.

“Think you’ll be talking to them again anytime soon?” you can tell he knows, and you’re surprised he isn’t lashing out at you. You’re so used to how Randall reacts when you go against his wishes, Spencer’s calm, understanding presence is like a breath of fresh air.

“No, I think I’m ready to leave them behind,” you smile at each other. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a sec okay?”

He nods, and goes to set up the food and TV.

It takes you seven seconds to block Randall.

1:12 AM, June 10th, 2007.

You haven’t gone out with your coworkers in months, you forgot how good it feels to just be present with people. You didn’t even drink tonight, wanting to remember every second of this time out with friends. You were beaming when you unlocked the front door.

Yet your smile slips when you enter what had become you and Spencer’s shared bedroom.

He isn’t there.

You pull out your phone to call him when you hear a thud coming from the bathroom door. You hesitate, scared of what you know you’ll likely find. When you finally throw the door open you’re already teary eyed, and these sobs escalate as soon as you see Spencer, tipped over, lying on the bathroom floor, the needle still sticking out of his arm.

You’re sobbing as you rip it out, hastily undoing the belt wrapped around his upper forearm. He looks up, even in his groggy haze you can see the guilty look in his eyes when they made contact with yours.

“Y/N. . . I- I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me but I just couldn’t stop myself . . . I-”

“Shhh, It’s okay, just breathe,” you whisper through your tears. “It’s going to be okay Spencer, I’m here, and it’s going to be okay. I’m staying right here.” You pull his head into your lap, stroking your shaking hands through his hair.

His head begins to shake, and you can feel his tears on your dress. You rest your head on his, and for a few seconds you just sit there, crying together.

“You’re going to be okay Spencer.”

8:09 AM, June 11th, 2007.

Your head is buried in his chest, you need to be able to hear him breathe. You need to hear his heart beating. You need to be as close to him as possible right now. He stirs as he wakes up, and wraps his arms around you. 

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“Don’t apologize Spencer, this is a part of recovery okay? You’re still in recovery, just because you relapsed doesn’t mean we have to start over. You’re so much stronger than you were before. So much braver. So much better. You can do this.”

He smiles at you, “thank you, thank you so much.”

“Of course, now withdrawal is going to be even harder this time. I’m going to the store. We’re going to need plenty of Gatorade and water. We have to flush everything out of your system. Do you mind if I take your car to the store?”

He beams, even in his groggy state he manages to look so perfect, “You know my car is always yours to use Y/N.”

“I’ll be back soon okay? Don’t move a muscle,” you grab his keys and head out the door. And you really do mean it, you fully intend this to be the shortest grocery trip of your life. You’re terrified of leaving Spencer alone long enough to get high again, even though you spent all day yesterday searching for drugs and throwing anything you found in the garbage, taking it out the main apartment dumpster that night. 

You get to the store, grab everything you need, 3 packs of blue Gatorade, 6 cases of water bottles, and the store’s entire stock of Jell-O and rush back to Spencer’s car. You were only in the store for 17 minutes, the majority of which was just check-out time. You smile, thinking of how excited Spencer will be when he sees all the Jell-O in the fridge, but feel your stomach drop when you see a familiar face examining Spencer’s car.

Randall. 

Before you can decide what to do, he turns and sees you. 

“Y/N! I was expecting Spencer, but this is even sweeter. I knew I recognized this hunk of junk. Where have you been?”

“I’ve been around, I’m kind of on a tight schedule here. I really need to get going,” you say as you load up your groceries into Spencer’s trunk. 

“That’s a lot of Jell-O sweetheart, you hate Jell-O.” That’s not even true. You hate pudding, you love Jell-O.

As much as you wanted to yell at him for calling you sweetheart, you couldn’t deny that it felt good. You still missed him. Blocking him helped, but you still felt strong urges to call him sometimes. “It’s not for me, it’s for Spencer.”

“I thought I told you not to stay with him anymore.”

“What part of that conversation would make you think I would listen to you?” you say.

“You should always listen to me Y/N, I’m your boyfriend.”

“I haven’t seen you in months, we’re not dating anymore. I’m done.”

“You don’t mean that you’re just being irrational. Are you on your period? I bet that’s it. Come get breakfast with me. You probably just need chocolate, and the place down the block has incredible chocolate waffles.”

You open your mouth to reject him, but you can’t. Part of it is because you know if you do then he’ll follow you back to your apartment and the last thing you want is for him to know where you’re living right now. But the other part is much worse. A big part of you wants to let him try again. You can’t explain why, but you really want for him to redeem himself as your first love.

“Ok, you have 20 minutes, let’s go get breakfast.”

The walk there is silent and awkward. Randall grabs your hand, too tight for you to do anything about it, and keeps this grip until you sit down in your booth. 

You don’t get chocolate waffles. You really don’t even like chocolate all that much. Randall knows that, or at least you thought he did. Instead you get cinnamon french toast, and within minutes it’s at the table. 

“You know baby, Spencer doesn’t love you.” He says halfway through your french toast.

“We aren’t dating Randall.”

“Doesn’t matter, you’ve been with him in that apartment for a while now. I’m surprised he hasn’t given you the boot.”

You sit in silence, Randall takes this as a sign to continue. “We’ve been together for five years, sweetness. No one can love you the way I do. That’s just a fact. Spencer fucking Reid can not replace me, no one can replace me.”

“I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can’t breathe when I’m not with you Randall. I hate that you’re stuck to me. You’re this god awful stain on my life. I hate looking at it but no matter what I do I can’t wash it off.”

He smirks. “You’re not gonna get rid of me Y/N.” He pays the check, and gets up from the table. You go to get up too, but notice he didn’t tip your waitress, so you leave another five bucks on the table. 

When you get outside he grasps your shoulders. “I knew you would come around Y/N, I knew you would get it. Now come on, we can go collect your stuff from that prick’s apartment and get you home. I know exactly how you can make it up to me.”

You pause, “I don’t think so Randall. I’m not ready quite yet, but I promise I’ll call you.” You meant it, you had already unblocked him from your phone.

“Oh absolutely not, you’re going home with me now.”

“No I’m not.” As you were yelling at each other you notice a strangely familiar face standing nearby, just in ear shot. You can’t place him, but you know you’ve met before.

“Yes you are! We’re happy together and you’re coming to live with me again!”

“We don’t love each other, Randall! Not right now at least!” 

He’s livid, and once again you feel that scared, indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach. “That’s not true! I’ll prove it to you.” He grabs your chin and pulls your face to his.

You feel as if water is filling your lungs, you’re drowning and no one is around to save you. Randall is physically stronger than you, you’re stuck in his grasp. It’s like you’re screaming and no one can hear you. 

And yet, this flood of emotions you’re feeling is the first time you realize something. 

You’re addicted to Randall.

You need to get out.

You need to get back to Spencer.

After what feels like minutes (but is actually about 3 seconds) of being unseen and vulnerable, you discover you’ve been protected the whole time. The man you can't place rips Randall off of you, “What’s wrong with you? Get off of her!”

It’s his voice that lets you place him. Derek Morgan, Spencer’s closest friend and coworker, punches Randall in the face. “Get out of here!”

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU? That’s my girlfriend! Sweetheart, tell him to leave us alone!”

They both turn and look at you, with tears in your eyes you look at Morgan and shake your head. “Please, get him to leave.”

And Morgan does just that, with a little yelling and a flash of his FBI badge, Randall is running for the hills.

“Come on baby girl, let’s get you back home. Did you walk here?”

You shake your head, “No, I drove Spencer’s car here.”

“Well, how bout I drive you home, and then afterwards I swing back and get Spencer’s car and drop it off?”

So you do just that. After profusely thanking Morgan, and him insisting that it was nothing, and also insisting to carry your groceries in from the car, you and Spencer are together once again. 

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I didn’t believe you before. I was going to go back to him. How could I be so stupid?”

“Don’t talk like that Y/N, you said it best yourself. Just because you relapse doesn’t mean you aren’t trying, and it most certainly doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

“I think it’s time we get clean Spencer. Both of us, once and for all.”

“I think so too Y/N.”

He pulls you into a hug and in between sniffles you manage to choke out what you’ve been wanting to say since you got into Morgan’s car. “I love you.”

He looks at you, and the look in his eyes almost makes you cry out of pure joy. He looks so happy, as if he’s been waiting for you to say that for years. 

Maybe he has.

“I love you too.”

7:29 AM, April 16th, 2008.

You press your lips to Spencer’s, you know he has just woken up, but you know it’s a big day for him. 

You both have been sober for over ten months now. Today is the day of his first group meeting. He found Beltway Clean Cops recently, and has been so excited to go. You’re excited for him. You know how proud he is of you, and you want to show him in every way possible that you’re proud of him.

He opens his eyes and smiles up at you. “What did I deserve to get a wake up like that?”

“What kind of question is that? You’re incredible, and an incredible boyfriend deserves an incredible morning. Do you know what else he deserves?”

He hums and waits for the answer.

“An incredible breakfast! That’s why I made blueberry pancakes. Now hurry up and come eat. You should  leave soon if you want to make it to your meeting on time. Have I told you yet how incredibly proud I am of you?”

He smiles, “Only an average of 15.6 times a day since I told you I was going.”

“Well that’s not nearly enough, now come on, get up. It’s pancake time,” you say. “Oh, and Spencer?”

“Yes flower?”

“I’m so proud of you.”

He smiles, “I love you flower.”

“I love you more.”

You ate breakfast together and then forced Spencer out the door, making sure he had plenty of time to get to his meeting. You knew he would regret it if he was late. 

You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you still thought about Randall a lot. You still missed him. You still love him in a way. But now that you had Spencer, now that you were clean together, you would never risk going back to him. 

That day where you agreed to go to breakfast with him, Derek asked you if you wanted to press charges. You didn’t, you don’t regret that either.

You’re even more proud of yourself this way, because you know he’s still there, still accessible and available to you, and still didn’t run to him. You know that any trace of Randall in your future is gone. 

You know you and Spencer are finally clean.

“Ten months sober, I must admit Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it Ten months older I won't give in Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

[egcdeath]

checkmate

summary: you’ve always refused to lose, and love was no exception. (gone girl-ish au)

pairing(s): ransom drysdale x dark!reader, a special mystery guest ;) 

word count: 3.7k

warnings: 18+ because of heavy themes! faked death, framing of crimes, manipulation, alluding to sex, alluding to cheating, terrible relationship dynamic, very loose usage of the word crazy/psychotic, implied mention of self harm, brief choking & slapping (in a non sexual way lol), pregnancy trapping (idk if thats the right term), the reader is a very bad human being, overuse of italics  *please let me know if i’m missing any warnings!

author’s note: this is my 2nd submission for @stargazingfangirl18’s 5k soft dark challenge, i decided to make the reader dark >:) but ransom is also not a good person. I used these prompts: “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” & The town golden *girl isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

this is definitely the most unhinged thing i’ve ever written, but blame @literate-lamb for making me write this because when i pitched this to her and said that i’d probably never write it, she enabled me. 

okay that's enough from me. join my taglist if you want :D

“I know women whose entire personas are woven from a benign mediocrity. Their lives are a list of shortcomings: the unappreciative boyfriend, the extra ten pounds, the dismissive boss, the conniving sister, the straying husband. I've always hovered above their stories, nodding in sympathy and thinking how foolish they are, these women, to let these things happen, how undisciplined. And now to be one of them! One of the women with the endless stories that make people nod sympathetically and think: Poor dumb bitch.” Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Your whole life, you’d considered yourself a competitive person. Constantly overcompensating for one thing or another, whether it was the chronic desire to achieve perfection that had been installed in you since you were a little girl, or your persistent internalized sense of inadequacy. You realized early on that it was much better for you to win than for you to lose, no matter the physical, emotional, or mental cost of the prize of perfection.

For the most part, this mindset worked out for you. You graduated as Valedictorian from your high school, neared the top of your graduating class at Harvard. God knew you earned it, all those tears you shed into overpriced textbooks, all the popping of unprescribed Adderall, and robbing yourself of the parties and social events that the rest of your peers gladly indulged in. 

You were just different, which was why you gained a job nearly immediately after your exit from school, quickly climbing to the top at the Blood Like Wine publishing company after only a few years of being there. 

And one night, at the party celebrating the release of A Thousand Knives when you laid your eyes on Hugh Ransom Drysdale, the grandson of your boss, you knew that you needed to have him. Rich, hot, a bit of an asshole. You deserved to finally complete your image, and that socialite flavored eye candy seemed to fit the part perfectly. Luckily for you, he was desperate. It only took a few tugs on your dress’ V-line, and a number of knowing smirks to find yourself being finger-banged in his family manor’s bathroom.

From there, you wormed your way into his life. Leaving belongings at his place as an excuse to come back, and offering booty calls in the middle of the night. Ransom must’ve been much more desperate than you originally thought, as it really only seemed to take one night of stroking his hair while he vented about his family to make him want to be with you. Men with mommy issues were always so easy. 

Except, he wasn’t that easy. The longer you got to know Ransom, the more fucked up you realized he really was. He had no boundaries at all, became jealous and enraged at the drop of a pin, and occasionally told you things that made the hairs on your arms rise. 

This of course all came to a head after the night of Harlan’s 85th birthday party. When the news broke of his tragic death, you’d immediately known it was the works of your Hugh. If your intuition wasn’t enough, his confession in the shower, where he’d demanded you take off your clothes to display that you were without a bug, certainly was. 

You were completely devastated. The man that you’d invested so much into for years had thrown both his and your reputations down the drain in just a matter of hours. Of course, you felt bad for Harlan too. He was a good guy (when he wasn’t instigating a family fight).

Still, you showed up during the funeral in your best mourning clothes and dawning your biggest crocodile tears. You rubbed Linda’s back while she mourned the loss of her father, and the new truth about her husband. You played dumb when interrogated by some Southern private investigator, even giving Ransom an airtight alibi. You testified on his behalf in court with enough conviction to grant you an Emmy. 

You’d gotten so far, devoted so much energy into him, that you simply refused to lose now. 

To your friends, you’d seemed to lead a near perfect life. Dream job, dreamy boyfriend, dream bank account, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more, you just didn’t know what. 

It dawned on you while sipping mimosas at the country club, Ransom playing tennis with his friends just a few yards away from you while Danielle showed off her brand new engagement ring, a .59 Carat Asscher Diamond, that if you heard her speak of again, would probably make you lose your shit.

You zoned out as she droned on and on about the shape, and how Matt proposed to her in their own private room in one of the most exclusive Parisian restaurants, instead focusing on how you could find yourself in the same position as that airhead next to you. In all honesty, you couldn’t stand the idea that someone was doing better than you, let alone someone in your own social circle. Dani got all the bragging rights of being engaged to the heir of some tech giant, being the first in your friend group to get eloped, and worst of all, Matt wasn’t even making her sign a prenup. 

You blankly watched Ransom from afar, taking occasional sips from your sweet drink, while you thought of how you deserved all of that and more, and you were going to get it one way or another. 

——

It didn’t take much to come up with something, your first and most obvious plan being to simply ask Ransom when he was going to propose to you. Of course, this wasn’t the first time you’d tried to approach him about this subject, you just wondered if maybe this time things would be different.

Panting heavily after a rather rough night in bed, you rolled off of your boyfriend’s chest and gave him a messy, yet sincere kiss. You knew your man well, and if there was any time to pop the question, it was in his post-nut haze.

“Baby,” you said breathily, “I wanna ask you something.”

“Shoot,” he responded casually, glancing over at you. 

“When’re you gonna propose to me?” you hummed.

Ransom groaned and shook his head, rolling his eyes, “this is about Matt and Dani, huh?” he tutted, then extended a hand out to your warm cheeks so he could gently caress one with his thumb. “Thought we agreed marriage is just a piece of paper and it’s stupid.”

You huffed in response.

Of fucking course.

“I never said that,” you muttered, setting a hand on his broad chest. “Besides, it’ll be good if you get pissed and decide to like, kill your dad or something. Y’know, spouses don’t have to testify against each other in court.”

Ransom chuckled as if this whole thing was funny, like your feelings were some kind of sick joke to him. “You know my lawyers, babe. They could prove that bees don’t make honey. That bears don’t shit in the forest. I appreciate your attempt, though. This has been some really nice pillow talk.” 

“Whatever,” you muttered, pinching his nipple in retaliation before turning your back to him and yanking the blanket onto your side. 

You weren’t sure why you were so surprised that he was being stubborn, most of the time you felt like you were pulling teeth from the man. But that’s why you had a backup plan! You always had a backup plan. That’s what separated you from your boyfriend. Where Ransom was extemporized and impulsive, you were calculating and prudent. 

Although you devised your plan that very afternoon while watching your partner backhand small green balls, you were going to need some time to get everything in order, to prove Murphy and his stupid law wrong in making sure that everything that could go wrong wouldn’t. 

After all, love was a game. And you sure as hell weren’t losing to Hugh Drysdale. 

——

You sacrificed too much to have your plans ruined by some trust fund baby with impulsivity issues. You deserved your dream marriage, the stability you wished you had as a child. You wanted the white picket fence, and everything that came along with it. Your desire to be the best, to be perfect was what drove you to poke holes in every condom in the box, what led you to draw liters of your own blood in hopes of staging a fake crime scene, to buy a cheap getaway car and burner phone off of Craigslist, and reach out to a high school boyfriend who you knew was in a position as desperate as you. 

You planted seeds of doubt in your friends throughout the following weeks, feeding them lies about Ransom’s behavior, how you were afraid of telling him that you did in fact see two faint red lines on that damn plastic stick– only half of the statement truly being false–, telling them that he was behaving erratically lately.

It all was going without a hitch. Ransom didn’t seem to notice anything was off, despite your frequent visits to the bathroom and newfound affinity for true crime documentaries. 

You almost felt guilty, knowing the world of pain you were about to throw the man into. Granted, he deserved the pain. You were in a relationship with a genuinely terrible person, and that person had made a conscious effort not to commit to you. You tried to make this easy for him, give him a chance to say a few words to you and slide a ring on your finger, but no, he always seemed to take the hard route.

You slept like a baby the night before you were setting your plan in action. You made sure to uphold the facade of everything being fine, making Ransom a nice breakfast before sending him halfway across town to the hardware store with an oddly incriminating list.

Once he was out of the house, you hurried off to the fridge in the garage where you’d been keeping a small stash of your own blood. It wasn’t pretty, but it had to be done. You poured the blood throughout the kitchen, splattering bits of it on the counters and cupboards. You poorly cleaned the mess, just as he would.

You put your next move in motion, falsifying a home invasion. You tossed over a table and some chairs, throwing books and photos onto the floor, but left some aspects slightly untouched, like an upright picture frame to give yet another hint that things were not exactly what they appeared. 

You left a tiny blue post-it note on the nightstand of Ransom’s side of the bed, a quick and simple doodle of a ring along with the first initial of your name inked onto the tiny piece of paper. 

With that, you were off. Technically missing, soon-to-be presumed dead.

----

 The days following your disappearance had gone even better than you’d initially planned. Local news coverage had been all over you, search and rescue groups were assiduously looking for you, your parents had opened a tip line, and begged for you to get home safe on news segments. But the best part of it all was that Ransom had been briefly found himself in police custody, only to be released shortly thereafter. His past of an accused murder quickly made your disappearance even more of a national story, and you watched the whole thing unravel from the safety and comfort of your high school boyfriend, Andy Barber’s Newton home. 

Of course, you fed him the same lies you’d given to your friends, and seeing the rather lonely position he was in, he gladly let you stay with him. You were absolutely having a hay-day with it all, dedicating hours of your day to watching Ransom slowly unravel. Maybe it was a bit sadistic of you to enjoy torturing your partner so much, but he needed to learn his lesson. You deserved better. You needed Ransom to rise up to your level, allowing you to finally complete your image. To let you two appear to be the perfect couple. Really, this was all on him.

Andy, for the most part, had been a good host. He was gone for the majority of the day, dedicating himself to his work while you lounged around on his dangerously cozy couch. Around two weeks into your stay, you were sharing a box of pizza in the living room with your old lover when something interesting on the television caught your eye.

Ransom, broadcasted on CBS, being interviewed on your disappearance. 

You watched with wide eyes as Ransom begged for your return on national television. It was one thing seeing your mother plead for you to come back, the same woman who had installed such toxic behavior in you sob for your return, but Ransom. You’d never loved him more than in that moment.

“Hugh, if you could tell Y/N one thing, what would it be?” the interviewer asked.

Ransom turned, looking straight at the camera, directly into your soul, “Y/N, I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know. I need you to come back safely, to see you, to hold you again. I’d give anything in the world for that right now,” he looked down, a tear falling down his cheek. “I can’t live without you in my life, I-”

His sentence was cut off by Andy grabbing the remote, and turning off the TV. You turned your head and frowned deeply at him.

“Why’d you do that?” you asked with a bit of a pout.

“I just couldn’t stand listening to him talk about you like he hasn’t treated you like shit for the past few years. C’mon, let’s get ready for bed.”

Your blood boiled. Andy was once a means to an end, but now he was interfering. He was clearly much too selfish to see that you and Ransom were quite obviously soulmates. A match made in hell. 

You followed him to bed regardless, curling up on what had been your side of the bed for the past few days, and staring at the wall until Andy’s breaths moved from a soft and rhythmic pattern to loud snores. God, those snores were obnoxious. 

You slipped out of bed and to his dresser, grabbing two soft ties from the drawer, and daintily tying his wrists to each side of the bedpost.

“What‘re you doing?” he mumbled, instinctively yanking both of his wrists as he awoke.

“I’m going back home,” you whispered.

“You can’t be serious,” Andy huffed, tugging on the restraint attached to the headboard.

You shook your head, “I am.”

“I should’ve known. Why would you do something like this? Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in with the law?”

“Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in when the world finds out that you kidnapped me?” you retorted.

This threat seemed to wake him up right away, “what about this was kidnapping? I gave you a nice home, fed you, I didn’t even make a pass at you. I didn’t do shit to you,” he hissed. “You think I can’t prove that? I’m a lawyer, for god's sake!”

You nearly laughed, “Okay, Andy,” you paused for a moment, “As a lawyer, who do you think everyone’ll believe? Someone who the world was on a wild goose chase for in the last two weeks? Or the man with a family history of violence? Must I remind you that your father and your son have killed people?”

Andy shook his head, face pinched in sorrow at the mention of his deceased son, clearly a low blow. “You’re insane,” he muttered.

“Swear to god that you won’t tell a soul what happened here,” you leaned over him, getting right in his face. “Or I promise, Andrew Barber, I will ruin you. You’ll spend the rest of your life behind bars, or disbarred, or whatever the hell I decide to do with you. So keep your goddamn lips shut.” 

You pulled away and he solemnly nodded, not bothering to put up a fight. You loosened the fabric around his left wrist and walked out of the room. You picked up the keys to Andy’s Audi on your way out, checking the time as you adjusted the driver's seat. 

9:45 PM. Fatherhood really changed the man.

You pushed that thought aside and began your drive home, which turned out to be a surprisingly short trip. When you pulled up in front of your home, you were met with a slew of reporters outside of the house, along with a police car that seemed to be permanently camped there.

As you slowly got out of the car, a gasp, followed by a loud silence fell across the crowd. You limped for dramatic effect up the driveway as cameras followed you, and glanced back at them pathetically. From your peripheral view, you noticed the officers get out of their vehicle.

You finally got to your door, ringing the doorbell and waiting. You blinked harshly a few times, conjuring up the tears you needed to really make a spectacle of the event. After a few minutes, Ransom opened the door, eyes widening as he looked at you. He stepped out, and you wrapped him in as big of a hug as you could manage, genuinely missing his embrace. It was possible that you even let out a few real tears in the moment.

Your emotional embrace was interrupted by the man you recognized as Lieutenant Elliott, the same officer who’d been assigned to Harlan’s case. 

“Ma’am,” he began, only to be shut down by you. 

“Please, just let me be with my boyfriend,” you pleaded, crocodile tears streaming down your face as you spoke with the officer. You still needed time to get your story straight.

“Just give us the night, Lieutenant. We’ll come in first thing tomorrow morning,” Ransom added, furrowing his brows at the officer that he’d come into contact with far too many times. 

He looked to his partner, who shrugged, then to you, “enjoy your night.”

Cameras flashed around you as civilians, journalists, and newscasters alike attempted to catch your attention. You grabbed Ransom’s hand and dramatically pulled him inside, insincerely attempting to hide your face by ducking and covering half of your face with your arm. 

As soon as you were in the privacy of your own home, Ransom threw you against a wall. 

“Why. The fuck. Would you pull a stunt like that,” he hissed through gritted teeth, eyes wild, and a hand around your throat. 

You whimpered as he tightened his grip, rage clearly flowing through his system uncontrollably.

“Do you know what you did to me? You almost had me thrown in fucking jail. Do you understand that?”

You nodded weakly, “Ran,” you whispered, “the baby,” you glanced down at your stomach.

He paused, dropping his grip on your neck and staring at you in awe, “no…” 

You nodded again. 

“How…? You told me you were on the pill… You- you made me use protection…”

“Surprise?” you said weakly. 

“You’re a psychotic bitch.”

“I’m your psychotic bitch. And no child of mine will be born out of wedlock,” you taunted. 

“That’s what this is about?” Ransom laughed manically. “You did this all because I won’t fucking marry you?”

You didn’t even have to respond.

“I should send you to the loony bin right fucking now.”

“What happened to all those things you said to me on TV?”

“You’re fucking delusional. I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. And you will. I’ve had to put up with you and your stupid little antics for way too long. How do you think I felt when you killed your own grandfather?”

Ransom scoffed, throwing his hands up in exasperation, “you are so fucked up.”

“I’m the fucked up one? You killed your own blood in cold blood! You’re unhinged!” 

“You faked your own death for attention, and got pregnant while doing it! Is that baby even mine?”

“The fuck are you trying to say, Hugh?”

“I asked if it’s even mine.”

“Really. You’re accusing me of cheating on you. That’s rich considering Mia, Layla, and whoever the fuck else. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous? You couldn’t have a normal adult conversation with me!”

“Are you kidding me? I asked you time after time to marry me and it was always some bullshit excuse!” you wagged a finger in his face as you spoke. “Oh, commitment scares me, oh, marriage is just a piece of paper, oh-“ you mocked his voice in a deeper tone before you were cut off by the sting of his hand against your cheek.

“Can you shut the hell up?” he growled at you as you held your own cheek, before you reached out and slapped him back, “I can’t believe that I’m stuck with such a deranged bitch for the rest of my life.”

“Maybe work on your vows a little, dear. I don’t think that those words are as charming to me as they’d be to the rest of our family and friends.”

“You can’t be serious,” he groaned.

“But I am,” you hummed, rubbing your cheek softly once again. “Look at how fast your life fell apart without me here. How quickly the public turned on you. Imagine how upset they’d be if you left me. I love you, Ran. I really do. You and I are perfect for each other, can’t you see that now?”

Ransom took a step away from you, pacing slowly in front of you. He ran a stressed hand through his hair, and took a long and drawn out breath, clearly at a loss for words.

“So when should we have the wedding? I’ve always wanted a Spring wedding, and I know it’s a little short notice, but I don’t want to be showing too much in my wedding dress,” you grabbed Ransom’s bicep gently, as if you were just having a regular old day with him, as if you hadn’t been choked and slapped moments ago. “But we can make it work. We always make it work, right?”

Your now fiancé stared vacantly at the wall ahead of him, giving you a slow, empty nod of agreement. 

“It’s settled then,” you smirked. “I’ll start looking at venues. You find me a nice ring, okay Honey? One that puts all those other bitches’ rings to shame,” you sighed pleasantly to yourself, “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before hurrying up the stairs and into your bedroom. You heard a distant shriek of  “fuck,” from Ransom, but you truly could not care less. 

You hopped into bed, grabbing your laptop from its charger and promptly opening it. You couldn’t help but to smile at your own reflection on the empty black screen. This wasn’t how you imagined your engagement, but you did the impossible. You tied yourself down to Hugh Ransom Drysdale, he went down kicking in screaming, and you were likely in for a lifetime of cheating and resentment, but you did it nonetheless. 

You finally won.  

[hongjoongslut]

Title: Mortal Chaos

after being banished from Mount Olympus, you are forced to wreak havoc on mortals. every man that has stepped into your life, they’ve fallen to your knees and did what you asked at will. no mortal man has ever given you trouble or attitude at your requests, except for one. Yoo Kihyun.

pairing: goddess!reader (Até, goddess of mischief, delusion, ruin, and blind folly, rash action and reckless impulse) x mortal!mafialeader!Kihyun

rating: 18+

Word Count: 2.4k

warnings: greekmythology!au, tatted!kihyun, nonidol!kihyun, reader is such a bitch but thats how she was made, mafia themes, sarcasm, so much sarcasm, mentions of readers and kihyun’s past victims, reader and kihyun have a physical fight but it doesn’t last long.

NSFW warnings: dom!kihyun, brat!reader, unprotected sex (this goddess has superpowers to not get pregnant lol, always wear protection), pull out method, oral (f receiving), kihyun is a cocky little shit in bed, slight degradation from both parties but no harsh names

BTW reader's thoughts are in italics :)

Enjoy!!

being a goddess should be beautiful, right? it’s not everything it sounds like. you just so happen to be one of the few goddesses that are feared instead of loved. you’ve made men do unspeakable things countless times, they just fall to your knees and bend at your will. for years you fooled gods until Zeus had enough of your antics. he banished you to Earth. now you’re stuck with pathetic mortals, but at least you can still wreak havoc here.

you can’t exactly be in your goddess form without notice, so you pretend to be some sort of rebel among the others. you’re going to your usual club where sorry, pathetic men roam freely, unknowingly that you’re about to ruin their lives. “these mortal songs aren’t too bad.” you thought to yourself, searching for your prey. you see a few men that are far from sober and you almost pity them, almost. no one has really sparked your interest, so you go on the dance floor. “might as well act as a mortal since i’m here.” your outfit is sure to spark men at a club, how could they not fall in love with fishnets hugging your thighs oh so deliciously.

so far you’ve been looking for random men to practice on, while you wait for your target to show up. Yoo Kihyun. you’ve been in this town for a while, and everybody you meet tells you to stay away from him and his gang, Monsta X. there’s wanted posters almost everywhere you go. you thought the members would be nice to mess with, but once you figured out who the leader was, your heart was set. he was definitely a handsome man, even a blind person could see so. his men are attractive as well, you’re sure so many women fall to their feet.

you’re dancing in a crowd of people who smell of sweat and alcohol. “almost smells like sex.” of course you’ve been bumped into, but someone is getting a little to close for your liking. you push it off until someone grabs your hips and tries to make you grind on them. you turn to find some wasted dude, smirking. “back the fuck off bitch, you don’t want to mess with me.” he laughs “i can’t resist you baby…” he slurs. you scoff, shoving him away. you turn to dance again but he grabs your wrist. “feisty, i love it sweetheart.” you’ve had it. you turn and sock him directly in the nose. “don’t fucking touch me. go to hell.” he stumbles, blood beginning to pour from his now crooked nose. “you bitch…i’m gonna kill you!” he tries to run to you, but he is stopped by a tatted arm. “get the fuck out of my club before i deal with you myself.” the man turns to face Yoo Kihyun, his eyes immediately widened. the drunk runs away from the situation, leaving you and Kihyun standing there.

“im so sorry about that ma’am. you did break his nose, i’m impressed. i’ve never seen a woman do that.” he scoffs, now facing you. “can i get you anything on the house for dealing with such an asshole?” you smile. “No thanks, but is there any first aid kit in here? My hand really hurts..” you rub your perfectly fine hand. “i’ve got you kihyun.” he nods. “follow me. don’t worry, we’ll get that hand looked at.” you walk behind him, studying his features. “he really is handsome. i’m gonna have so much fun with him.” he brings you to his office, guiding you to a chair. “i’m sure you may have just bruised or maybe even broke it. you socked the hell out of him.” he laughs again. “you’d be perfect for the mafia. i’m sure you’ve heard this town is filled with gangs left and right.” he turns to you and examines your hand. “wow, i don’t see any cuts or bruises. it doesn’t feel broken or anything, you’re a strong woman.” he looks at you smirking. “thank you, what’s your name?” he rolls his eyes, scoffing.

“have you not been in town for long? everybody here knows my name. I’m Yoo Kihyun, I run this club.” he offers his hand, you reach out to shake it. “ahh, well nice to meet you Kihyun, i’m y/n.” he smiles. “what a beautiful name, it suits such a badass woman like you.” you start to admire his office. “he has good taste in decor and aesthetic.” you walk around, analyzing his office. “this office is gorgeous, who are all these people?” you point to a picture of him and Monsta X. he walks to you, seeing what picture you’re pointing at. “ahh, those are my closest friends. they work for me here at this club.” you can feel the music blaring through the floor. “you know, i actually recognize these men. i think they’re in some sort of gang.. why would you be friends with such horrible people?” you start to back away, pretending to be scared.

“so you did know who i was all along. i’m not that dumb sweetheart.” he looks at you, then walks to his door and locks it. “so, who do you work for and why are you here? i suggest you tell me willingly or we’ll have to get it out another way.” you back away from him, your butt hitting his desk. “i-i don’t work for anyone! i just came here because my boyfriend just left me and my friends suggested i come here to forget about that asshole… please don’t hurt me!” you really should become an actor, he’s completely fooled. “i’m so sorry about that y/n.. i can make him disappear you know. just say the word and it will be like he never existed.” you smiled, looking down to his feet. his finger comes to your chin, lifting your face. “you’re really beautiful darling. he’s missing out on such a kickass woman. tell me, since you’ve definitely heard of my gang, what do you think of me?” you don’t know how he’s affecting you, this isn’t supposed to happen. wetness fills between your legs.

“i think you’re very attractive and maybe you need a woman by your side to help with this shitty town. i may look innocent, but i’ve done unspeakable things baby.” he smirks, eyeing your features. “you wouldn’t last five minutes in my gang babygirl. we’re feared internationally.” you hum, biting your lip. “i’ve terrorized gods and men alike. nothing scares me.” you reach to hold his cheek. “maybe it’s you that wouldn’t last five minutes with me.” you wink, caressing the apple of his cheeks. you feel his cheeks becoming warm. “why don’t we test that theory then darling. you sure you want me and you can handle me? i wouldn’t want to be the same person that asshole downstairs.” you shake your head. “you’re so much better than him. give me your worst-“ you lean into his ear “-daddy.”

he steps back, eying your figure. “you play a wonderful lie darling, but i’m not fooled. i suggest you tell me why you’re really here or im getting my friends up here. you do not want that sweetheart.” he pulls a knife from his pocket, holding it against your throat. you laugh. “oh kihyun, you really think this knife scares me? you’re all bark and no bite baby.” his pupils dilate, pushing the knife closer to your throat. “don’t fucking push me brat.” you stare at each other for a moment before you push him away. you punch his stomach, making him stumble back. “instead of using the cowards way out, show me how tough this mafia leader really is.” he scoffs. “im not hitting a lady. get out before i change my mind.” you walk towards him. “if you want me out so badly, why did you lock the door?” you push him to his knees and knee him in the jaw, making him lay flat on the floor. “i suggest you do as i say or you’ll be my next victim.” he sighs. he wraps his leg around yours, pulling you to the ground. he punches you hard in the gut, making you whine slightly. he pulls out a walkie talkie. “boys, get up here, now.” your eyes widen.

“they will be here soon unless you apologize darling, i suggest you do so.” you sigh, not wanting to ruin your plan, “i’m sorry kihyun...im just fighting because its all i know how to do. I’ll leave you alone.” he lets you up and calls his members. “nevermind that, boys. i’ve got it handled.” you let a small smile show to your face. you turn to leave his office when he stops you. “y/n, i never thought i’d beg to anyone but we definitely need you in our group. we may look handsome but its nothing to your beauty. not to mention, you can definitely fight and defend yourself. please darling, i’ll do anything.” you smile subconsciously. “oh how dumb can you really be?” you stare at him, watching him eye you up and down. “listen here. if i tell you my secret, i’d have to kill you, but just know that i can fight a lot better than what i did with you. i’ve never seen someone so handsome...it attracts me.” he smirks. “Well, what do i need to do so you’ll join Monsta X princess?” you stare at him for a moment before softly pecking his lips. “how about you show me how one of the most feared leaders is when he’s begging to cum?” something switched in his eyes, you could see it. “i definitely will, brat.”

he picks you up with ease and slams you on his desk. his lips are devouring yours and his tongue is exploring every part of your mouth. “how the hell is a mortal making me so aroused?” he leaves your lips to mark your neck. your body is getting antsy. “as much as i love this, just fuck me already kihyun...or is it that you’re too weak to please me?” he grabs your throat, closing his hands. The loss of air is so thrilling, you almost don’t want him to leave. “princess, that’s not the case at all. you better learn your place quickly or you’re not cumming at all tonight.” he rips off your shirt, taking a second to view you. “so beautiful darling...and all for me.” you smile at his words. he removes your pants, leaving you in just your lacey boyshorts. “i swear if he judges me for wearing boyshorts, i will actually kill him” he removes them, staring directly at your pussy. “so wet...yet you called me weak? how ironic.” he licks a stripe on you, your entire body losing itself. “sweet tasting, beautiful looking and is badass? you must be my dream.” he goes back to your pussy, eating you as if he has never tasted food before. moans leave your mouth, your mind can’t even process words. “kihyun...don’t fucking stop please...holy shit.” he doesn’t respond verbal;y, he responds with pushing his index finger into your soaking cunt. “god…. i cannot wait to feel these walls against my cock. so perfect princess.” a familiar feeling is bubbling inside you. “kihyun, im so close...please let me cum!” he looks up at you, smirking at your already fucked out state. “since you asked so nicely, cum all over my tongue darling.” he starts eating you out again, his tongue and fingers moving faster than the speed of light. you scream his name as you cum. he leans up, licking his lips. “the sweetest thing i’ve ever had baby. he removes his shirt, showing you his inked chest. “holy shit, how does he keep getting hotter?” he sees you looking at his chest. “you got a staring problem baby. i know, they make me so irresistible.” you roll your eyes. “come fuck me already or i will blue ball you in a split second.” his eyes widen. he takes his pants off, slipping his boxers off with them. “are you on birth control?” he softens a bit. “im not able to get pregnant, and i wont tell you why.” he laughs. “jeez, so hostile.” he slowly pushes in, watching your reaction. “holy shit kihyun…” he sighs. “so warm and wet...i am definitely not gonna last long.” he pushes further until he bottoms out. he watches how your body is reacting, making sure he isn’t actually hurting you. “please move kihyun. i can’t wait any longer.” he pulls out slowly only to go back in harder. he picks up his pace, moans bouncing off the walls. “shit...you’re so perfect y/n, i wish i could stay in this pussy all day.” you can’t pronounce anything but his names and very explicit words. you’re uncontrollably squeezing down on his cock, making him falter his pace. “you’re squeezing down on me….god im so close.” you can feel another orgasm bubbling inside you. “k-kihyun, please please please let me cum, wanna-wanna cum all over your cock.” his breathing and pace is becoming irregular. “yes... yes princess, cum all over my cock.” he rubs your clit, making you scream. your orgasm hits you hard, your body shaking uncontrollably. “princess…. holy shit!” he pulls out of you, shooting his cum all over your stomach. he sighs, still getting over his high. he grabs a tissue from his desk and wipes you clean. he helps you back into your clothes. he starts dressing himself, wearing a permanent smile. “so, is that what i needed to do for you to join my gang, princess?” you scoff, rolling your eyes.

“you’re so arrogant kihyun, but hell yes.”

oh my goodness my baby is finally out!! it took a while for me to finish this but i absolutely love this

[thequeenofshebasays]

Okay so I need to vent and in doing so I’ll also share the supposed “jancy” spoiler for S5… remember… it’s all alleged but knowing them… this is exactly how they will do it. (Note: my personal thoughts will be in italics and the actual spoiler won’t be.)

[spoilers (allegedly) for S4 below the cut]

Basically the rumors are that Jonathan is a pathetic mess and missing Nancy and she’s so absorbed in her future I guess of college that she decides not to go to Cali with Mike and Jonathan is heartbroken and confused… and she’s not talking to him. I mean to be fair I don’t think they say why she’s ignoring him… I think it’s something dumb like she told Joyce or Will that she wasn’t going and they just forgot idk! Cell phones were not a thing so weird dumb things like that happen I guess.

Anyway after the shit hits the fan, he’s still being a moody heartbroken dude. They’re legit just gonna make him really pathetic I guess. I get why he’d feel that way but I hate that he’s being used that way… anyway… and I bet they do some dumb shit like he calls her house and her mom answers and she’s like “oh Nancy just went out with Steve!” and Jonathan just feels like his whole world is falling apart…

Anyway… on the Nancy side of things she’s happy and chill (but won’t call him???) and when the shit hits the fan I guess Steve remembers that he likes her a lot so he’s pretty much hitting on her the whole season and she’s just ignoring him… thank god they’re doing that… the fandom is going to be fucking stupid about this but at least Nancy has common sense…

Whatever happens, Jonathan is useless, everyone else saves the day… yadda yadda… anyway their “reunion” is just him kissing her on the forehead… which is just so fucking stupid, like the writers forgot they’re together??? Idk bullshit, hate it. But here’s the kicker! They’re legit still gonna make it about Steve! As I guess he looks sad that they’re together (fuck you steve go away) anyway… yeah.

I don’t know what’s supposed to happen after that, like maybe he’ll hopefully run away with Nancy and not go back to California… idk. But I hope S5 has jancy scenes again and they’re teamed up… not whatever this is.

[analyzing-songs]

Love the Way You Lie - Eminem ft. Rihanna

This song might look innocent, but it is clearly about how burgeois democracy (the one we live in, pretending our votes matter) is flawed, empty, dumb and stupid.

Warning: lyrics will be in italic, analysis will not.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie

This part is talking about the people knowing politicians pretend to be blind about their problems, but they still vote for whoever they think will be best, or less worse.

I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like And right now, there's a steel knife in my windpipe I can't breathe, but I still fight while I can fight

It feels like we're gonna die - and it's a daily struggle, but we still fight.

As long as the wrong feels right, it's like I'm in flight High off her love, drunk from her hate It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love her, the more I suffer, I suffocate And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me

The "as long as the wrong feels right" is the key part here - we know they are all talking shit but as long as it feels right, we can drink from their hate for working class.

She fuckin' hates me, and I love it — "Wait! Where you going?" — "I'm leaving you!" — "No, you ain't! Come back!" — We're runnin' right back, here we go again

"No, I'm never gonna vote on this douchebag again" but well, it's this douchebag or someone worse than them so we run right back.

It's so insane, 'cause when it's goin' good, it's goin' great I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane But when it's bad, it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped, "Who's that dude?", I don't even know his name I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again I guess I don't know my own strength

We feel like Superman during elections period because we feel doing the right thing, but then it gets bad and we feel ashamed. "Who's that dude?", we don't recgnize the one we elected ourselves anymore. And we feel paralyzed, not knowing our own strength - because together we are stronger than them.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with 'em? You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit 'em Got that warm fuzzy feelin', yeah, them chills, used to get 'em Now you're gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em? You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothin' to hurt 'em Now you're in each other's face Spewin' venom in your words when you spit 'em You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em Throw 'em down, pin 'em So lost in the moments when you're in 'em It's the rage that took over, it controls you both So they say you're best to go your separate ways Guess that they don't know ya 'Cause today, that was yesterday, yesterday is over It's a different day, sound like broken records playin' over

It's all about that "love-and-hate" relationship with politcians. We love them for some time, then we want to hit them, but then we see there are worse options, and it goes on and on and on.

But you promised her, next time you'll show restraint You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave out the window Guess that's why they call it window pane

We promise we will change! We won't vote on them anymore, we won't give them another change. They are watching WE leaving. But we are lying... just like them.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie

Now, I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean Then we fall back into the same patterns, same routine But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me

We sometimes gaslight ourselves believing we deserve shitty politicians and we are as bad as them.

When it comes to love you're just as blinded, baby, please Come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano All I know is I love you too much to walk away though Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk? Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall Next time? There won't be no next time! I apologize, even though I know it's lies I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'ma tie her To the bed and set this house on fire, just gonna—

But hey... election time! It's not as bad... baby, come back. Yeah, you'll get another term because... we have no choice.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie

Thank you for reading this far. Power to the people.