#(lore or drawings eventually. but right now Q U O T E S)

[theclowndoes-selfships]

Incorrect Quotes as Ark and Tim

With funny titles because I said so. :D

Coffee

Ark: Here you go, Tim, a nice hot cup of coffee!

Tim: It's cold.

Ark: A nice cup of coffee.

Tim: It's horrible!

Ark: Cup of coffee.

Tim: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.

Ark: C U P.

Ah, yes... such a good personality match.

Tim: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might.

Ark: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Yeah... Tim you're not getting rid of Ark... Ever.

Tim: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?

Ark: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

Best? More like ONLY.

Ark: Tim, you're my best friend.

Tim: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend.

Tim: I'M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

Accidental implications

Ark: Heh, Tim sneezes like a girl.

Tim: How about I pound you like boy?

Tim: That didn’t come out right.

It did in fact, happen again

Ark: I’m sorry for being annoying.

Ark: It will happen again.

What a trifecta

Tim: What are your three best qualities?

Ark: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

Unmedicated ADHD

Ark, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Tim: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

Tim– no-

Ark: Are you having another depressive episode?

Tim: A depressive episode?

Tim: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

Ark that's- no- can you properly process words-

Tim: Italics.

Ark: Yeah, Italians.

They eventually had the conversation, and Ark was disgusted

Ark: What’s sexting?

Tim: I'm not having this conversation with you.

You heard him! Chocolate milk!

Tim: You've got to act tough, Ark! Show 'em you can't be pushed around! Show 'em they can't mess with you!

Ark: Right. Yes. Tough. Got it.

Ark, standing up on their stool and slamming their hands down on the bar: I'LL TAKE A CHOCOLATE MILK.

Accidental implications pt 2

Ark: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Tim: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Ark: I—

Ark: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

Ark, stop trying to be edgy it doesn't work-

Tim: How do you want your coffee?

Ark: Black, like my soul.

Tim:

Tim: Ark, your soul is a latte.

The sticks caught fire

Ark: Hey guys, I’m making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap, so wake me up in 5 minutes to flip them over.

*5 minutes later*

Tim: Ark it’s been 5 minutes, time to flip your sticks.

Ark: snnnzzzz...

Tim: ARK YOUR STICKS!

Mission failed (successfully...?)

Ark: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY)

Tim: What's that?

Ark: Remorse code.

Tim: I'm even angrier now.

Ark has a sugar addiction

Tim: Oh, they left the bowl out?

Tim: It says, “Take two pieces of candy.”

Ark: Nobody around though…

*Ark grabs the entire bowl and runs off with it*

Tim: NO—

Nonsensical headache shit

Ark, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Tim: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

Inconceivable!

Ark: Wait you like me? For my personality?

Tim: I know, I was surprised too.

Struggle with basic wording that doesn't make sense

Tim: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.

Ark, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

Comfort failed successfully?

Tim, trying to comfort Ark: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

Accidental implications but sweet instead of o///o

Waiter: What would you like?

Ark: Bring a milkshake with two straws.

Tim: *blushes*

Ark: *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Yeah... Ark is the furthest thing from any of those things

Tim: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

Ark: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Tim: That one. I want that one.

Ark not listening, again

Tim: I love you.

Ark, not paying attention: What was that?

Tim: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Unexpected result

Ark: My hands are cold.

Tim: Here, let me hold them.

Ark: My lips are cold too.

Tim: *covers Ark's mouth with their hand*

This is what happened when Tim tried to start their relationship-

Tim: We should be partners.

Ark: You mean like, partners in crime?

Tim: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.