#precious anon

[sharonisthebettercarter]

Thinking about what you said, I think it's highly probable Madelyn Stillwell raped Homelander when he was 14 or 15.

That's around the age he got stuck at, right?

I think fandom is probably right about her doing it as more of a means to control him than anything, but I think you're probably right about this making it worse and meaning she did much more than has been shown to us on screen.

Regardless, I think this would have to be the case and I would say is even implied, but you are absolutely right that it shouldn't matter why someone decides to be a child molester.

They're still a child molester and whatever reasoning they have, the act is still vile and inexcusable. There even being debate on that in fandom just seems like grooming apologism and abuse dismissal because of favoritism towards Madelyn.

But the results and actions are ultimately the same in the end. It's also implementing a clause to make it mutually exclusionary when it could very well be both.

In the final scene, she swears to him that she loves him but is afraid of him and Homelander thanks her for finally being honest with him before killing her.

What if she was being honest or at least believed her own words when she said she loved him?

And the other scenes between them never struck me as a one time deal or the first time something like them happened. He does look off put in some ways and not quite uncomfortable, but almost like he's regressing when he's with her. Like she maybe used to do that sort of stuff more frequently and hasn't lately.

The scene where they're finally together struck me as more regression too. He immediately apologized to her and she consoled him like it was something that has happened before and she was used to it from him. Even the words she used and the way she said it and the way things were.

"My special sweet boy." "You did good." "That was so lovely."

Do people really believe this or similar can't have happened before with the things she says? To me, they indicate the exact opposite of that thought.

The scene looked almost like it was his first time, and obviously not hers. But the only way that really makes sense is if he is experiencing a moment of regression, possibly to his actual first time with her.

The scene feels like mother and son incest after years of abuse where she's deliberately causing his regression and enjoying the power it gives her over him.

She's a predator and this to me is made pretty clear if not explicit.

OOOH~<3! my darling anon, i wish i could fucking kiss you<3!

you just put into a word exactly why i could never get behind the homewell ship or the homewell type elements being used in other ships in fics that were supposedly trying to *heal* him. easy way to get me to check out for a fic because you *CANNOT* use elements from someone's trauma and abuse, legit full on *exploit* them, and *then* dare to call it or frame it as *healing* and expect it all to be hunky dory, that is just not how that shit works. (at least speaking in terms of medical accuracy/no wonder this shit is so triggery for me, this ain't supposed to be fuckin' disney--)

obliviously or dismissively predatory, so not even in the fun way...

and i want to be clear here, because this isn't me trying to tell people to not like the ship or elements or stop making content for them or whatever the fuck else. i don't care if people have or indulge in toxic guilty pleasure ships or stories here and there (literally have my own), but i always think we should be self aware of our own shit (plus ranting is sometimes good for the soul~<3) and it really *really* shows some people just are not in this case.

i *also* know people don't always mean to set up that way, part of it is a major problem with society (i will get to that~) and the only way for people to be aware is to be *made* aware, butt~

"--you think love is to prey, but i'm sorry i don't pray that way!"

"once i ran to you, now i run from you, this tainted love you've given--"

1000% correct. madelyn, regardless of what happened *off screen* between her and homelander, what we *did* see of her is enough to confirm her as a *predator*, and this was *before* diabolical added to the story behind them. she is extremely predatory as a character, set behind a narcissistic 'mother knows best' filter and a lot of it has nothing to do with homelander.

look no further than starlight~<3

this woman attempted to get a victim of rape to have 'discretion' about what happened to her, TO HER FACE. and every step of the way, tried to bully starlight into 'line' for the company. literally using narcissistic abuse--guilt tripping and shame, questioning her core values, fucking gaslighting (all things we see homelander copy oh deary me what an *odd* cowinkidink!! I WONDER WHERE HE LEARNED IT FROM.)--among others with a 'motherly' frame and 'it's just constructive criticism' (BITCH NO IT AIN'T!!) to manipulate her into doing what vought wanted/what was best for the *company*, NOT for annie.

hell, i'd wager she fucking hired starlight *specifically* because they thought she'd be an *easy* target.

she was *vulnerable*, nearly alone in that big city. her only relative/support system was an extremely religious mother who was *pushing her* to push through any pain or abuse and still wear a smile *for vought* and *for her* because of *fame* and *fortune*, framed as *for annie* when no it def wasn't. (i do like that starlight's mum actually becomes self aware of this and tries to amend the trust she broke, but i digress)

her tapes and everything they showed us about starlight showed us a wide eyed, bright eyed girl who was *hopeful*--but also naive... and as much as it pains me, that would have made her more susceptible to vought's machinations.

and i think the main reason annie didn't completely fall down the vought victims rabbit hole is in part due her truly good nature<3, but also because she met *hughie* (side note, notice how every time hughie and starlight have a falling out or separate from each other, they both start to get *worse*. butcher also tends to swoop in--)

it doesn't get talked about enough, but butcher pulls the same kind of bullshit with hughie (honestly probably why i could never quite feel right about butchie, do still like it but i do prefer it if butcher catches some guilty complexes causa hughie lmao), another good kid who's just had something monumentally traumatic happen to him and is in a super fucking vulnerable place where he'd be easy to manipulate for whatever it is butcher has planned.

he scoped him out and *saw* that, something to *use* to his advantage. and recruited him as such. like a gotdamn predator.

the wrench in his plans (as well as madelyn's) came in *hughie meeting annie* because they *gave* each other a solid support system because they were both good people, dealing with trauma, who found each other~<3 (always a hardcore hughielight shipper)

and butcher even *knows* this, he *knows* annie actually *honestly* and actually HELPS hughie and ruins his plots for him, so of course that mofo is gonna keep trying to ruin everything and break them up. if madelyn had ever discovered hughie, she probably would have done the same shit if in her own faux 'concerned mother' way.

BUTT... you are absolutely right in saying that fandom is highly dismissive or even apologist of what madelyn did to homelander (like they are with fuckin' everything that happened to him honestly) and it doesn't matter what reason she had to abuse him, what should be looked at is the fact of the matter.

did she abuse him? yes or no

the answer is yes, period. asking if she was actually attracted to him or just wanted control becomes a moot point after that, she *still* fucking groomed him. people can go ahead and debate the other factors, but the least they could do is acknowledge the first bit and not use the others to try and deny or 'lessen' the gravity of what she did.

i blame part of this on ableism and victim blaming, but also with how dismissive people *still* are when it comes to male victims of just about anything. christ, we still have people in fandom who have watched the show and *refuse*, not hyperbole, they downright *REFUSE* to acknowledge that homelander could have *any* semblance of victimhood whatsoever. despite the fact that he was literally tortured as a child and fucking groomed and we are given glimpses of these facts on screen, they'll deny any form of nuance and paint it as completely black or white, because he became... pretty much the only thing that fate allowed him to become.

that's not limited to this site even, it's prevalent pretty much in any part of the boys fandom across the web. (which is ironic given the series exists to challenge this sort of thinking)

but how often do we still see cases of a male *child* being sexually assaulted by an adult woman and the fucking judge going, "wElL sHe'S cAnDy So He PrObAbLy LiKeD iT"?

thankfully, not as often anymore. but if i'm honest? TOO FUCKING MANY (once is fucking too many) and the thought is still INSANELY pervasive. and again, it leads back to the question.

did she abuse him? yes or no

it doesn't fucking matter if the kid 'liked it' or not, MA'AM, THIS IS A FUCKING CHILD--

*children can NOT consent*

or in homelander's case, an emotionally stunted extremely mentally ill person. and ALSO a child at one point.

*likewise, mentally ill/special needs/disabled people and informed consent is an issue all its own. all of these are among the most vulnerable to abuse and the least likely to get justice for it*

if madelyn had been a man, nobody would question this. (who am i kidding, i'd like to think that but i am well aware there are apologists of all kinds that would not give a shit and be equally gross about it.)

and you are def right, it *feels* 1000% like *regression* in the scenes he's with her. and now that you mention it, the scene where they're together?? oh, fuck me. anon... that is *dark* and it fucking hurts but you may be right.

it *was* absolutely the first time *we* as an audience saw them together, and i think that may skew the perception about. there *was* absolutely an effort to regain control over him in that instance. but the things she said and the way it plays out... no

plainly, just no... it *does not* feel like the very first time that has happened... it feels like something that is *rare* between them. but definitely something that's happened *before*, and perhaps something she maintains as *rare* specifically to keep a hold on him. (could this be one reason for the diabolical episode?? to further implicate this?)

and even his use of doppelganger hinted at this cause think of it.

a 'madelyn' that is *just* for him, *only* the parts of her that... gave him attention, the bits he *liked*. what she more than likely fed to him as *scraps* to keep him crawling back for more. but because it was never genuine, the confusion from the ratio with abuse was thrown off, and the entire illusion that it ever meant anything was shattered prior (along with stormfront manipulating him), well...

"i give you all a boy could give you, take my tears and that's not nearly--"

down to his hatred and jealousy of teddy. we have to imagine what things were like before she had him but i get the feeling homelander got a lot more attention before then. it was well over 20 years and people honestly think in all that time *nothing* else happened??? things were 'normal' and then boom, *random* mommy kink??? hell, even the kid was maybe just as much a means to 'reset' the balance and help her maintain control as he was for future profit for vought.

OW.

yes. madelyn is a predator. homelander is her groomed victim. and i don't think it gets mentioned enough in this discourse, but one of the biggest reasons predators prey on the vulnerable or even want to make a fucking victim of someone is *because* of the power trip it gives them over that person. (hell, homelander fucking does this *specifically* because it has been done to him his entire life!)

and *even former abuse victims* may not realize it when they pull this sort of shit. i'm not gonna dive into that because it is a fucking *depressing* can of tapeworms, but let's just say i've been there, i know people who've been there, and i know people who know people who've been there. so this shit is a big fucking problem for people when we don't notice it and massively persistent circle jerk of perpetuation.

but it's still fucking predation, it doesn't make a difference if it's done by someone with power/control kink, narcissistic disorder or 'mommy/daddy dearest' vibes, pedophilic disorder, etc. it still fucking harmful and victimizes someone (especially when they are unaware/cannot consent to the powerplay OH FUCK--)

goddammit... i just realized the problem lmao... PISS. POOR. BDSM ETIQUETTE. GOTDAMN.

and trauma management i guess.

basically, people tag dom/sub or top/bottom when they should be tagging a 'control' or 'abuse kink'. dom/sub play relies on the informed consent of both parties while 'control' relies on the lack there of (informed consent) from the 'sub'. and in homelander's case, this shit is particularly bad. (readers need to be given informed consent too!! always tag yo shit y'all!!)

which to be fair, ain't exactly the fault of the ship itself, but more so the lack of awareness/common dismissal on it. it's really hella normalized/often advertised as 'just a quirky lil guy with a mommy kink' when that's not even remotely the only thing at play here and it goes way deeper and darker than that. you toss in homelander's other traumas and it's just... it's a goddamn mess.

and now i understand why i am so incredibly grossed out by fics that push homelander through more of this nonsense (or worse) with a new person (any person) and never bother addressing the trauma he has *directly* related to this shit. (because my traumas directly deal in the control shit yayyyyyyyyyyyyy~... UGH--)

well.

call me a pussy if you must (i am a pussy and a cunt and a dick and an asshole, i wear it shamelessly~<3) but i just ain't all that interested in fics that only exchange *handlers* for homelander instead of actually help him (when that's what they'll claim to want to do). seriously, lining him up with another 'madelyn' of all things just leaves me wishing he could *get away* from his shiny new abuser (because that is what she was, and would ideally be the inevitable outcome anyhow!)

homelander needs at least *one* honest *friend* who genuinely doesn't want anything from him to help him unblur the lines of informed consent that madelyn intentionally muddled *before* he can even make informed consent when it comes to this shit, especially if we wanna *actually* heal that boi (all he's had is more people capitalizing on it over and over if not just people with no clue of the minefield they were navigating)

he'd need to be able to experience true *independence* and *agency* before he decided they were things he actually wanted to put in someone else's hands or 'give up', so to speak, both of which would come *after* healing.

and if i'm indulging in toxicity with him, i'ma make him *get back at his abusers*~<3, give him a chance at some revenge porn for once and make it so much worse for *them*, not the guy who literally never had a chance or got to breathe his own breath (and def tagged properly of course).

but of all the whack ass takes i could see in the sea of fandoms, ANYONE in that position over this boi (or any character in similar situation) as he is *unhealed* is *NOT* his ally and doesn't give an honest shit about him, it's 100% all about *control* over him (which i know is a huge kink for tons of people and hypernormalized in society, especially heteronormativity, but again, trauma central for me so it'd be really fuckin' nice if people learned the difference and also started tagging this shit~<3)

fun for some, but not for me.

i've always generally preferred push/pull powerplay that purposely leaves the question of 'control' open/eventually balances it and helps empower and individualize both characters to be the best versions of themselves, i want them to learn and grow together. positive masculinity/femininity and emotional maturity are way more of a turn on for me and i want these bois and gurls and inbetweens to graduate to *men* and *women* and fairly *reasonable adults* when i write them, while preserving their core personalities and the things that make them *them*.

i also don't view 'bottomhood' as 'punishment'/something to use to deliberately rob a person of control/self determination (as much as we may joke about it, and also that is just rape with a pretty veil that at least deserves to be properly tagged) and i normally focus on empowering them just as much if not more than my tops so it's just damn weird to me to see that kind of mentality get popularized on any character and leik.

gotdamn, first off, what the shit, and second, i realize getting to the places i wanna go reasonably and responsibly takes hard work and pretty intricate writing but please lawd satan tell me i ain't the only one to feel this way, PLEASE!?

but very good point about it possibly being both/more than one element here. control is more likely to be *one* reason, but not *the* only reason and it could very well be a factor of both attraction and need to/getting off on the idea of controlling him (which still stems back to attraction, honestly, even if she didn't feel it towards him the sense of him being a child, it would still mean she feels it towards him in the sense of him being vulnerable which is just as awful, honestly.)

and i do think his stunted emotional maturity is 100% indicative that something *very* specific happened to him around that age (*maybe* she waited till after the debut??), but among all the other trauma, that is actually a question worth asking. why *then* and not any of the other times? he's got no shortage of trauma for his brain to pick from, so what the hell happened then?

as far as it feeling like incest? lil bit, yeah (if pseudo, which obviously we know it's not but i do think the vibe there is actually intended), suffice to say that madelyn is to homelander what billy's father was to him...

and y'know... i gotta admit, knowing this i am surprised we don't see all that much of butcher being shipped with his father because that and homewell are pretty much the same thing on opposite spectrums.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--

have fun y'all, as always butt leik... have fun responsibly--gawddammit i never thought i'd be *that* old fart but i guess i am... well i can still be fun about it... tipsy bartender is fun lmao<3<3<3 (altho these subjects are decidedly less fun... *sigh of the long suffering*...)

[mae-gi-writes]

HI I WOULD JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOUR TBZ FICS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR EFFORTS 🥹😭🥰

ABHH THANK YOU SO MUCH! this makes my day!!! I’ve actually been walking on a Hyunjae fic right now so i hope you get the chance to read it sometime!!! ❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺

[ichigomaniac]

I would love more of your Haikyuu aus if you're ever up to making more! They're so good and so much fun to go back and look at! But do whatever you want to do because that's what's important

Thank you so much! I think it might be fun to visit the old AUs after all these years <3

[dudewhy3]

Will you continue writing for Who Painted The Sky??🥹

hi anon! i will yeah, i have big plans for that story. life is just kicking my ass lately and i don’t have much time or energy to write. but once i sort that out, i'll start updating wpts again, hopefully more frequently.

thank you for asking! it warms my heart to know that someone is still reading it 🩵💙

[tenkasato]

Hello! Hope you’re doing good and be back someday 🥰🥰

Hey, thanks nonnie! I promise to get back to writing. Writing is my passion. It's just that it takes a lot of time and energy before I can write a piece. I want to be able to write pieces my readers and I would love.

Work has taken so much of my time, and every time I get home, I'd just eat and sleep T.T

Anyway, all that aside, writing is something I would never give up on. And soon, after I find the right tempo in this worklife, I'll get back to writing.

Thank you for this sweet message. Opening tumblr and seeing people still reading my works never fails to paint a smile on my face. ^^

[aspenwritesstuff]

the way i desperately need the next chapter of prove me wrong is insane right now. what's a lady gotta do to get a preview? even just like one line 👀

Oh, goodness! Thank you for loving PMW.

As for what you need to do? You've done it, dear, simply by asking. I'll even do a few lines, just because I'm so excited about this chapter! (Below the cut, so those who don't want to see anything before it's release are able to make that choice.)

He didn’t speak, simply taking your hand in his to examine your wrist - reddened from the vice San had put you in. He turned it over delicately between his fingers, doing his best to avoid touching the inflamed areas.

“Does it hurt?” he whispered, a near imperceptible tremble to his voice as he glanced at your face - swollen and flushed from the weeping you’d done moments prior.

You gave him a halfhearted smile, shaking your head with a fond incredulousness, “Felix, you literally got punched in the face,” you wiped the wetness from beneath your eyes, trying not to worry about the smeared mascara that now lingered on your fingers.

“And?” he raised a brow, tilting his head to the side as though he were genuinely baffled at the relevance.

[heyitssmiller]

youre fics just have a rhythm that is so addicting. is that weird? it flows so smoothly and i just really love it.

Oh 🥹

Anon, this is absolutely precious, thank you so much!!!! I’m a big music person, and even though I know this sounds cheesy and cliche (and maybe a little lame), I feel like there’s music in everything? And stringing words together to create a sort of cadence is one of my favorite things, so I’m really glad it translates to other people, too!!

This absolutely made my day, and I’m sure I’ll be thinking about it and smiling for the rest of the week (or maybe forever)

[heythererenyaeger]

Hey queen I just wanted to say ur solider boy fic was so good 😩🫶

thank you so much 😩🙏🏼 i’m glad you enjoying and thank you for letting me know i am a SLUT for feedback 🩷

[rleonard9]

He waited till last minute to tell he wasn’t gonna be able to come home with me. -Precious

william.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

I need the Gen-v kids and writers to fold Billy's ass because they're not like Maeve, Kimiko, Ryan, nor Starlight to take the disrespect from Billy. I need the to go off on his monkey ass because he not finna disrespect them, like he disrespects the former. Fuck around and find out.

oooohhhh i wish. but i can't picture it honestly, i get the feeling he will absolutely trick and hurt them as per that usual game of his

billy's been fucking awful from the get go and very good at it, it's only now that his team is getting fed up with his bullshit but that was a long time coming. i love this motherfucker to death in all the wrong ways but i ain't fittin' to turn a blind eye to all the shit he pulls and how grossly manipulative he is, even with hughie

ESPECIALLY with hughie. AND STARLIGHT.

like it's very concrete clear *what* he is from the start, something a certain darling mentioned to me was that billy technically never actually lies about who he is to the reader/viewer (don't get me wrong, there is a bit of deception and the build up and showcase is also def there, rather i should say, he lies to those around him and this is made clear to the reader/viewer)

he is awful, makes it clear he's going to be awful, and then does awful things that line up perfectly with the total piece of shit he is

but it is SUPER consistently clear.

*it's the characters around him that don't see the truth in what he is, give him the benefit of the doubt, or at the time being, don't see through the lies he gives them*

astonishingly enough, even when he's *actually* honest with them.

mallory said it perfectly

"you're only here because you're desperate and fucked and you want something!"

mmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmm~<3 mah FAVORITE kinda billy bean<3<3<3

and mallory in both settings is one of the few people able to see through butcher's lies but i have big doubts those poor kids are gonna be on mallory or starlight's level, or even kimiko, because they just don't have that experience with him or what he brings to the table, especially if he starts promising 'jUsTiCe' for them. (it's not, it's never about justice, it's just straight up revenge porn. billy bean is a revenge porn addict--)

but hell, he drags mm back into that whole mess and mm won't blame him, but i sure as hell will because *mm has ocd* and butcher fucking *took advantage of that fact*, AND THEN--even mm says it

"always about becca with you." and "you are so hot for homelander right now"

LEIK--... i'm not gonna go into mah regular trash butchlander rhetoric (hey~<3) but leik, homelander literally does not give a damn about this man, there is always a legit *reason* or bargain that is *the* reason he *lets* the mofo live.

first time was becca cutting a deal with him, next time was blackmail, but like this mofo DID NOT hesitate to try to kill butcher when they met at herogasm which just shows how thin that ice is or how flimsy the 'scorched urf' deal was and how he's itching to be done with butcher, third time was RYAN. who got his attention and pulled him away before he could kill butcher when he very clearly wanted to, and now we're gonna get the euthanasia offering??? OOH--

yeah, homelander gives no shits about butcher beyond him being an inconvenience and it's pretty clear the main reason he hasn't bothered killing him is because he still doesn't perceive billy as any sort of threat to him... but butcher?

butcher is OBSESSED and yeah leik i know i say it every goddamn time but like he's really REALLY obsessed to the point where his brain rot for homie is 1000x WORSE than anything ANY of the girlies in fandom *COULD* have for homie--

oops look at that accidentally threw in a little more butchlander garbage lmao

there's def always a part of me that blames fandom misogyny for giving this boi a free pass half the time (motherfucker spends all his time shitting on becca's memory for his revenge porn fantasy+the way he treats all our lovely lady supes--)

amazingly, the framing is actually really well done because even though we know billy is fuckin' awful beyond any reasonable doubt or redeemability, it's still enough in what the characters around him believe to lead people astray and have them wishing for him to do the right thing even when we know he won't (with the rare few exceptions it's something that benefits him...)

altho deep down i think they know billy will just disappoint them because his whole ass job in the story is to make things HURT lmao.

the boi does know better... he just *chooses* to do *worse*...

i do think that because these kids have less experience with billy and aren't completely alone for him to be a vulture about, it also means they might be quicker to learn especially if they get help from starlight or the others. but unfortunately, i don't picture these kids being able to handle this crafty slimeball. maybe make the attempt but...

gawd, i do not have high hopes for these poor youngins...

[ragdollrory]

A place to rest when life makes haste / For bitter days a sweeter taste / A warming light beside your shine / I try to send you with a line --- May my lines send you all of this and so much more. You're wonderful and it's such a gift that you're sharing your works and your light with us. Please always take the time you need to take care of you because your smile matters to me, so don't lose it because you'd feel rushed. You're doing great! Have a fantastic day! *Big Hug*

Saved this one for a day I needed it most, thank you.

[oddogoblino]

if you receive this, you make somebody happy! go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. if you get one back, even better! 💕

I haven’t talked to you in a hot second but you’re wonderful, Goblino. Sending you ALL the love Rahhh!!!!

AAAAAAAA NO YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE RAAAAAAA

[tenkasato]

Helooo~ Just checking if you are doing well 💕💕

Hi nonnie! I'm doing quite alright. Slowly adjusting to work now, and soon we'll have time off! Hope I can get back to writing then~

Thank you for checking on me! Wish you a great week ahead ^^

[meebs-sleeps]

I recently read your post and I just love the way you wrote the characters! I’m not that good at expressing my feelings but I think your a very good writer and I enjoy reading your works :D So thank you for writing things like this when others can’t or won’t

If you ever read this please have a nice day/afternoon/night wherever you live

o(^▽^)o

Oh my gosh I just want to hug you and adopt you.

Thank you so much!! It means a lot to me! You are the sweetest bssbsvsv

Honestly i think one of the biggest fears I have is writing the characters ooc :,) But seeing this really brings my hopes up!

I hope you have a wonderful spectacular day/night aswell!!!

[be-with-me-so-happily]

hello my gorgeous love, I'm wishing you the best right now and sending you all the love. Please take as much time as you need and treat yourself good. I ly

🥹🩷🥹🩷🥹🩷

Thank you. That's all I can manage to say. Thank you so much, you kind soul!

[rleonard9]

We got into a small argument. -Precious

oh no

about what

do the other boys know