#i feel numb and confused
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cattyanon Ā· 1 year ago
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Oh. Oh I just had a thought.
Sonic Prime AU where Sonic loses a leg and gets a prosthetic made by Nine (or something) but like. What happens after the day is saved and Green Hills is eventually restored...? o.o
I'll find ways to make it worse too. You can count on it. Thinking battle scars... and I'm sure there's some other things.
OOOOOO WHAT IF HE GOES DEAF TOO? >:D
His friends are asking all these questions about the sudden prosthetic and scars and stuff but he can't hear shit and he's already stressed and his hands are shaking so he can't quite sign and I'm just- OUGH.
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mooshymooshroom Ā· 4 months ago
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Im getting so tired of either feeling waaayyy too much or nothing at all.
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vibescornerr Ā· 4 months ago
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I strive to simultaneously be Satou Matsuzakaā€™s #1 Hater and #1 Apologist
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starbuck Ā· 3 months ago
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updated my ā€˜movies watchedā€™ list for the first time in months and spent several minutes trying unsuccessfully to remember ā€œthat other film i saw where everyone was shooting each otherā€ ā€¦ it was The Godfather
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dazais-guardian-angel Ā· 1 year ago
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it's so over
#i am. speechless.#im numb#dumbfounded#again#and i thought i already was after the last episode#but i'm just........#fyodor's hand........ the hand wound......... asagiri really retconned that in...........#it wasn't there before........ it was such a big deal in the anime but it WASN'T THERE IN THE MANGA#SO HE RETCONNED IT IN TO HAVE THE SAME ENDING..............#im just#i cant#there are no words#there are no words to describe how i'm feeling#/i/ dont even know how i'm feeling#ashamed. disgusted. insulted. heartbroken. devastated. confused. dumbfounded. everything#that is not my asagiri#he would never write this conclusion#i said that after the finale and it applies even MORE here#i can't even enjoy all the cute fyolai moments bc i just want to throw up#and the absolutely fucking worst part is that people are gonna say 'oh you care too much' or 'bsd has always had a bad plot'#'you were stupid for even coping about it being different from the anime in the first place'#NO. IT WAS NOT JUST COPIUM. THERE WAS LEGITIMATE EVIDENCE.#THE ANIME /RETCONNED/ SO MANY THINGS TO MAKE THAT ENDING HAPPEN AND THAT'S WHY IT FELT SO OOC AND CONTRADICTORY#AND NOW THE MANGA IS RETCONNING THINGS AS WELL TO MAKE IT GO THE SAME WAY#FORGIVE ME FOR IT NEVER EVEN OCCURRING TO ME THAT ASAGIRI WOULD STOOP SO LOW AS TO DO THIS KIND OF SHIT#he's always been a great fucking writer in so many ways even WITH his flaws. he has never been this bad. i'm sorry he just /hasn't/#maybe the Book will undo everything after everything looks all fine and good and happy. that's all i can delude myself into hoping for now#but it's not looking good#it's bungover..........
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catbirthdays Ā· 1 year ago
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still fucked up about that jjk chapter. and now we have THAT episode today.
gege Give Me A Break Please
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hummingbirdswords Ā· 9 months ago
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lovsome Ā· 11 months ago
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i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested
#yesterday was kind of the wake up call#for a few days ive been feeling very littleā€¦ still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or#not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways#and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the#most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isnā€™t exactly what u see in most illustrated books#95% of which are childrens booksā€¦ā€¦ and those styles are just different#anyway i digress#my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her#i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to#keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally#like i was SOBBING#and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever#and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain#and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant#and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up#and he was like ā€˜earlier i heard things i dont likeā€™ aka me being depressed out of my mind#and then he said ā€˜we should talk about it sometimeā€™ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going#to the dentistā€¦.ok#and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening#like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply#and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems tooā€¦ and she hasnā€™t replied to me in like three weeks or so#and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this!#and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whateverā€¦ which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in#when u do have time because clearly u can send textsā€¦#anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!
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lemememeringue Ā· 1 year ago
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being racialized is not a common experience for me so I'm not rly sure what to do when it happens
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ghost4ghosts Ā· 1 year ago
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every time i think i'm over being salty, i think about the finale and get angry all over again. non sequitur shift but i watched a production of king lear and cried harder to a story whose ending i already knew than when my fave character died in the show about kindness or healing or whatever
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sick-as-a-dog Ā· 2 years ago
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Ɨ
#just the thought of him not loving me the same way and amount i love him makes me want to slice myself up#ill only stop cutting when i cant feel anything anymore not pain not love just emptiness#just want to be with master but dont want to make him stressed out because im too dependent and reliant on him#why cant i just feel my emotions the right way or a normal amount or at least less strong? why am i like this?#why cant i love like a human and why must that shit be so complicated? why am i so feralminded?#and why cant i feel my loves separately? should i even? or am i not understanding it right? why do i feel everything wrong?#why must i love him like a wild animal loves its lifelong mate? but also like how that animal loves the taste of prey and hungers for it?#like a dog loves its master and feels the unending loyalty and unconditional love overtake remaining wolflike instinct#like a best friend i also wish to do stereotypical romantic and domestic things with and so much more#i want to be bound to him in any way possible marriage and collars and microchips and blood pacts and marking and such#but im so scared he wont want that anymore i want to stop feeling i need to completely stop feeling and worrying but i cant#even when im emotionally numb i still feel that canine love for him even if just a glimmer#i wish i knew what he thinks love is and what hes comfortable with and how he felt and experienced love and if he still loves me like#he did before he came out as aro....im scared to bring up how calling himself aro and me his exception actually hurts and idk if i should#tbh him saying hes aro yet says he loves me feels like when a close friend keeps saying they dont have any friends while youre right there#like my existence makes his identity a lie or a betrayal to him i cant shake the gross feeling that hes forcing himself to stay for my sake#....hell am i even his exception anymore? what did he mean by same amount but not the same? what changed? did anything actually change?#wish i could figure out what love is and how to feel it right..esp dont understand romantic or queerplatonic or anything its all confusing#i want to take on the world with him and stop being an emotional wreck so we can fuck anyone together like we swore to#i just want to live the rest of my life by his side and i want to experience all we can together#picnics and movies and living together and sharing a nest and....idk i just want to be with him forever and hope he still feels the same#it would literally kill me if he ever left or fell out of love i think i would lose whats left of my mind and end up bleeding myself dry#i want us to be together forever and never ever stop being mates but i cant help but be terrified and confused and hurt
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gentlenotes-moved Ā· 1 year ago
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I feel like I sent you an ask a couple days ago, but maybe I dreamed it? Maybe I also dreamed that I forgot to send it on anon?
Anyway, hello again! Sending positivity and ice cream your way, as always. :)
~šŸ¦
hey! no, you sent it to me, heh. thanks for checking in again šŸ’•
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andromedda Ā· 2 years ago
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whatā€¦.what is happening
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katanathegaydemon Ā· 2 years ago
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How to tell if you have OSDD-1a
I have no clue please tell me if you find it out
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daedrabela Ā· 2 years ago
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btw did you know your upbringing and environment play a role in the development of schizophrenia because i just learned that a few days ago.
#actually schizospec#actually schizoaffective#actually mentally ill#i remember when i'd fight with my mom and it was always just so paradoxical like there was never a way to be right or do right by her#so when we'd fight i'd go to my room and cry and my mind would desperately search for a way to make sense of what had happened#but because its was always the opposite of what i thought i should be doing i would end up in hysterics#i'd just keep thinking i was never going to do anything right and the futility of it eventually caused me to break away for a bit#i'd start laughing uncontrollably at how completely fruitless it was to try and get everything right#when just one mistake would erase all of my progress#and i remember how it felt to detach for the first few times and i was terrified and i felt so hollow#i felt like i was trapped inside my skull and i couldn't escape even my body if i tried#all the while i was still laughing and crying at the same time because i was so sad and so confused at all of it#i literally felt like those edgy pics where a character is split in half and one side is laughing while the other is crying#i would rapidly switch between laughing and crying and then eventually i would just. stop.#i would stop crying and laughing and emoting completely and i'd just feel a numbness spreading#i wouldn't have at thoughts at all i would just be laying there on my bed staring#ALLLL of this happened while i was alone in my room after fights with my parents (usually my mom)#and my mom LOOOOVED to yell and make comments and call me names from across the house so ofc that made it even worse#šŸ„€
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eternal-carat Ā· 2 years ago
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Well this one fucking hurts.
#not svt#not seventeen#astro#astro rocky#I still remember when I first found those cutesy bright eyed boys all those years agoā€¦#I generally donā€™t like cute concepts as much as others and I was confused as to what I was seeing/feeling but it was their light#Rocky in particularā€¦.idek.#heā€™s always mesmerized me in ways other idols have never been able to replicate#as a disabled person who wishes/dreams of learning to dance maybe one dayā€¦idk.#as Iā€™m laying in bed in pain watching him makes me feel like I can fly. it makes my body and heart feel lighter#it leaves me breathless and in awe.#this one ā€¦.really fucking hurts. in a unique way.#anyone who pays attention to Astro at all knows that stuff has been shit for themā€¦so I guess itā€™s not as much of a surprise#when I think about it#butā€¦..hearing this felt like a punch to the chest. I went numb so fast I barely noticed it.#thisā€¦.isnā€™t how I was expecting to spend my birthday butā€¦here we are I guess.#obviously above all else I just want him to be happy and Iā€™ll support him in anything he does in the future#but I suppose it was just a really harsh slap in the face this morning. Astro are something special and Iā€™ll continue to support them#but Iā€™ll always miss Astroā€™s Rocky. Astro is always 6.#idk how to end this. more than anything Iā€™m justā€¦tired.#shits sad rn and itā€™s going to take me a hot minute to process and a bit longer to accept but if anyone even reads this#I guess just stan Astro and Rocky. theyā€™re beautiful as people and as performers and they deserve the world.#Iā€™m just sorry shit had to go this way I suppose. fuck fantagio lmao.#once an aroha always an aroha.
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