#i feel mostly fine bc i think my medication is actually working. i just feel like im waiting for the other shoe to drop ya kno

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[marc--chilton]

house md/saw crossover where lawrence transfers to ppth and adam comes with, on-record as an orderly but really it's just that he and lawrence aren't doing so hot if they're separated for too long quite yet.

wilson and lawrence become easy work friends, obviously, and lawrence appreciates how easily wilson accommodates him without being pitying about it (adjusting his stride when they walk, tentatively asking about his foot not for the gory details of his trap but out of medical curiosity; aspects he's clearly picked up via being friends with house)

adam, naturally, turns out well-liked by a Lot of people bc like.... it's adam. he'll chat up patients, nurses, doctors..... if he can remember sometimes he'll take the time to sit with some patients who don't get many visitors because he's all too familiar with the feeling himself of being hospitalized and left to heal alone in a sterile room since no family nor friends found him worth seeing. he learns about house through befriending ducklings (kutner and thirteen are his pals for sure; kutner asks to see his photography, totally unfazed when adam jokes that his most recent stuff is stalker shots, and adam likes to flirt mostly unseriously at thirteen both as a compliment to her and so he can get a listen on her insane dry wit) (actually adam/thirteen would go crazy. there could be a whole subplot where ppl find out they hooked up but they're both super chill about it bc they were never aiming for being a Thing, they just wanted to check out sex with each other. and it was fine so it's not even a deal to either of them, let alone a big deal)

he's not happy to admit it but adam is a little terrified of house. just a bit. just based off the things he's heard from literally All Over the hospital. so when house corners him and demands to know what he's heard (he's annoyed bc adam can be slippery when he wants to be and house wanted to try to needle out jigsaw info on him; house is almost positive he could catch jigsaw before the cops could) adam is quick on the draw. "that you're funny as hell, scary as shit, and way smarter than me. hey, while you're staring me down like this, you wanna use your x-ray vision and see if i still have bullet fragments in my arm? i've been starting to think they missed some back at angel of mercy"

after that house seems to?? approve of him?? he's funny, he's got snark, he's got problems..... he ticks all the boxes for someone house would find himself befriending. adam is wary on returning the sentiment, too suspicious from all the conniving things he's been told house has done in the past, but he does take house up on the offer of destressing in his office if lawrence is busy/he's afraid of annoying him (recurring fear particularly at work) so. yea

[kuriipi]

I need you guys to stop lying and pretending like all Lanthimos' movies are some form of high art.

The guy is literally every greek film bro that went to cinema school.

I do believe he genuinely believes he is revolutionising and combining the greek mythos with modern philosophical ideas. A harsh critic of the fickle and contradictory human nature. But that's where the problem mostly lies. He's not in the slightest bit subtle.

His earlier stuff is seriously just a bunch of pretentious one liners masked as some big profound truth.

"oh you don't like a killing of a sacred deer bcs you don't get the original myth" like no. I get it. And I also know that the greek myth wasn't really a much about divine punishment as it was about facing the reality of your actions. Agamemnon didn't want to sacrifice his daughter to stop the punishment that fell upon them all, after he had killed the sacred deer. He is forced to do it after outside pressure, forced to move past his denial and recognize that it is his only way of atonement. And then the gods still ultimately decide to save Ifigenia because after all she was faultless in all this.

Making "the killing" a medical malpractice is honestly brilliant. Agamemnon hadn't known it was Artemis' sacred deer that he had killed. He only found out after his punishment had already begun. Colin's character hadn't meant to kill the man either, hadn't known of his identity either. But this is as far as the briliance goes.

It is a deeply dark story about a man's desperate attempt to escape fate, to find a loophole, but ultimately it falls flat cause there is not an ounce of sympathy for the characters. You can't feel anything for them or their struggle because they are , intentionally, written so uncannily. Most if not all of Lanthimos' characters really lack the human element.

And although I get the thought and it really does work for a story on human connections like 'the lobster ". The unnatural and completely "un-human" way the characters are portrait adds more layer, a greater punch. Honestly it's extremely well fitted and executed. But for "the killing of a sacred deer" a story whose point really is about the despair, the cruelty of actions and events one is far too powerless to prevent it's...well I think it's a pretty terrible execution.

"you don't like the lobster because you simply can't see the point" Yes it's about society, everything is, it's about forced intimacy, the fear of loneliness, societal pressure and they way we would rather lie to ourselves and our potential partner if it meant we won't be alone. It's about dating for the sake of dating, about children being reduced to nothing more that accessories. About the reactionary solitude, the loners being just as cruel as the hotel enforcing the same strict rules but at the opposite direction. (It doesn't even matter if that is the actual point of the movie because if I talk long enough with enough buzzwords, throw enough ideas at the wall, you'll believe I know exactly what I'm taking about.)

And it's still not really that good.

The premise falls flat. The macabre aspect of being turned into an animal, if you fail at forming a connection, the horrifying depersonalisation, dehumanising the characters is hardly explored.

Ok fine, it was just the premise, just to set the scene (arguably it's the most interesting part of the story, but I digress.)

It's all about human nature. Yes, but it's nothing more than a cynics caricature of it.

But you see the loners are treated like animals but we see how they function and enjoy mundane things like shampoo and going to the mall, and are actually human. Yes me playing with my barbies at 10 had more depth than that. On other news water is wet.

The humans are complex, and actually human and also just as bad as the other humans isn't deep enough of a point to make me watch 2 hours of a stagnant film, and endure like five separate dialogs about ass fucking and masturbation. And how you need a partner to protect you from being sexualy assaulted (like from whom, if that's the case why not just simply turn the entire male population into animals, they seem to have ways of procuring children out of thin air so that doesn't seem to be a problem)

"You can't ask things like that. It's about philosophy and human nature not mechanics plot holes" yes but they're still part of a rather drawn out movie.. if he didn't want me to comment on the plot wholes he should've made the film one hour shorter and avoided them all together.

Like I'll be honest what annoys me the most in his films is the way he forces you to watch these scenes that can only be described as pretentious if not outright bad, that are so meticulously woven into the story. How deep how profound all sex is rape, humanity is cruel and uncaring, detachment is the bain of our modern society. I'm going to add 50 one liners about ass fucking because then it's just about sex, depersonalised. It's really not deep at all.

Like I'm so sorry that not wanting to watch Colin Farrel fuck a woman cosplaying as a corpse multiple times in a movie makes me unappreciative of high cinema. But I guess it is what it is.

(That said, his newer stuff is getting better at keeping up the engagement and evoking more sympathy for the characters. There is far more space to connect to them. The ending of "The favourite" let me feel the despair, the hopeless and absolutely miserable situation the characters found themselves in at the end of the movie.)

[isnt-it-pretty]

Hi! I’m sorry this is pretty random but I don’t really know where else to talk about this and since I’ve seen you talk about disabilities a lot I thought I could ask for your opinion as well

Now, I’m not exactly disabled in the traditional sense for many I think.

I’ve had eye problems for years, only recently did I find out that it’s actually cornea dystrophy, a genetic disease not exactly treatable except it gets bad enough to need a cornea transplant (which usually only happens in older ages) My doctor said I don’t need that

My case however is also still a bit severe, I have to take eye drops mornings and evenings and even those don’t always help and I simply have to hope that I don’t wake up to pain. In cornea dystrophy your cornea doesn’t get lubricated enough and easily rips apart. This mostly happens in the morning… oh and how it happens… it’s an absolute nightmare at least thrice a week I’m ripped out of sleep by sudden severe pain in one of my eyes (it switches it’s always one or the other) it feels like someone is nonstop pouring acid in your eye and I always scramble to take pain killers, eye drops (which burn like hell on a fresh rip) and water, all in hurry because no one wants to understand how agonising it is and my boss also won’t understand that I WILL have days where I’m partially blind on one eye (everytime after an “attack” that eye usually sees completely blurry for a day or more depending on the severity of the rip and pain) sometimes the pain spreads over the entire side of my skull and my eye is crying non stop and my nose is also running bc of the sensation in my eye.

But no one around me wants to understand because my doctor simply said “just use eye drops frequently”. I do.. I use eyedrops, eye gel and eye patches everyday and still have frequent “attacks” and everyone treats them like they’re nuisances for THEM.

I’m hesitant to call this a disability, it does affect me and takes me out of commission before I scramble to lessen the impact in the morning yet I can still function “normally”.

I honestly don’t know where I wanted to go with this anymore…. I think I just want someone to know what I’m dealing with because neither family nor work are showing any understanding

Please feel free to ignore this and if you read this far thank you… You don’t have to reply or anything I think at this point I’m just venting and I’m so sorry to bother you with this

Please don't feel bad messaging me! I'm not a doctor of course, nor am I an expert in disability, but I don't mind having these conversations. Although fair warning, my answer will probably be just as rambly as you're worried yours was.

There's a lot to beeak down here including shitty doctors but first and foremost, I would absolutely call your condition disability, and I would even say that a lot of disabled people would agree.

Disability is a term that has many definitions depending on who is using it. Doctors, sociologists, government, and different aspects of the disabled community will all define it differently, but this is the dictionary definition:

a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition that impairs, interferes with, or limits a person's ability to engage in certain tasks or actions or participate in typical daily activities and interactions

I'd certainly say that your condition certainly qualifies. Inability to see through one eye, even episodically, the need to rely on medications, pain that wakes you up or results in an inability to function. All of those are disabling. To say it isn't is like saying diabetes isn't a disability because all they need to do is take insulin, nevermind all of the other issues that come along with it. That lower-limb amputee? They aren't disabled, all they need to do is strap on a prosthetic leg! But it doesn't work like that. A disability is still a disability even with treatment or accessability.

Having good days, or even being "fine" a few hours after an episode, doesn't negate its impact on your life. It's an invisble disability, which is probably where a lot of people's shitty opinions come from. Other people can't see the problem, so, therefore, it must not exist. You must just be overreacting or faking or using it as an excuse to get out of work because otherwise they would see it. Unfortunately, it's easier for people to pretend disability simply doesn't exist. People around you not trying to understand or accomodate is ableism. It's also a willful and fundimental misunderstanding of disability. Just because some days I have the energy to clean, or you can see through both eyes, or a dementia patient remembers their daughter's name, doesn't magically make the condition go away, or make it impact your life any less when it does happen.

Your doctor being unconcerned(which is probably the wrong word. Uncaring? Unsympathetic?) is another problem but that one is deeply rooted in ableism within the medical community, and the common view of disability by medical professionals. Just because you don't need a cornea transplant doesn't mean you aren't deserving of care and sympathy from those around you. Even if they can't do anything to help, you still deserve that respect, and it's shitty that you don't have that.

The entire situation just sucks. The people are you suck. I'm sure they're lovely otherwise but this is obviously a part where they're lacking, and I'm sorry they're unwilling to accept that your conditon impacts you.

Edit: also feel free to DM me if you'd ever like to chat, or send me another ask

[shellforbrains]

(this was kinda a point a couple people were misunderstanding on twitter so i wrote a clarifying thread about it. so i figured i'd post that here too.)

"i am of the belief that one of the big reasons that FM goes badly is bc stolas is off his meds."

i want to expand on this point more & (hopefully) explain myself a little better. my thread about Apology Tour got way more attention (on twitter) than i could have imagined & honestly when i wrote it, i just wanted to yap casually with people, not like... write a super in-depth meta lmao.

so to start things off: i want to clarify that when i say that i think stolas being out of pills will play a big part in FM going badly, i am talking about it from a NARRATIVE perspective & as a NARRATIVE tool.

while there ARE some people out there where missing even one dose of pills can fuck with their mental state some, i know FULL WELL that this is not always the norm. i take like 4 different meds for my own mental health. TRUST me. i KNOW. for me, the most i usually deal with after missing a day of my pills is a nasty headache once i take them again. and on the day that i actually missed them, i usually don't feel very different at all bc the pills have built up in my system beforehand.

i am NOT saying that i believe one day of stolas missing his meds is going to make him go off the deep end. NOR am i saying that if stolas is struggling to communicate well that it's solely the fault of him not having his pills.

what i AM saying is that the shot of stolas being out of his pills is CLEARLY supposed to communicate something to the audience. it would NOT be included in the duet if it wasn't important in some way or wasn't going to play some sort of role. that is just NOT how writing works.

my theory is that by showing us that stolas is out of his meds & him subsequently being frazzled for the rest of the duet, they are trying to communicate that stolas is NOT going into this meeting with blitzø in the best state of mind.

and what is mostly likely to happen if stolas is going into this meeting in a not-the-best state of mind? i think that it will be him having a harder time actually communicating what he wants to say to blitzø.

stolas already isn't SUPER great with communication & him being in a not-great state of mind is only likely to make things even harder for him! which is totally understandable! but regardless of the fact that it's understandable, it will definitely play a part in stolas & blitzø's discussion spiraling!

now, onto the next part that i feel probably needs to be clarified: NO WHERE did i ever say that i think blitzø will not also be at fault for their discussion falling apart. i've said multiple times (multiple on twitter at least) that i believe there will be blame on both sides for this happening. blitzø is ALSO not great at communicating.

putting two people who aren't the best at communicating together with a touchy topic that one doesn't even want to touch with a 10 ft pole is a recipe for disaster.

even IF stolas goes into their meeting feeling 110% & is able to at least start out communicating his point EXACTLY like he wants, NEITHER of them are masters of communication. it is very likely that under those circumstances, the conversation would STILL spiral to some extent.

the point mentioned in the Apology Tour thread (& the other threads i linked in it on twitter) were NEVER meant to be taken as, "i think that FM going bad will all be stolas' fault & he's totally off his rocker bc he doesn't have his pills."

the mentions of him being out of pills & being frazzled for the rest of the duet were to point out that i was noticing something that i think will play a VERY important part of the Full Moon episode's narrative. that is all!

if you disagree with me, that's totally fine! just PLEASE don't think that anything i said in those threads were meant to play into shitty stereotypes about mental health medication or meant to sling total blame at stolas. bc that is ENTIRELY false.

the idea of Stolas publicly humiliating Blitzø in Apology Tour needs, needs, NEEDS to be looked at through the lens of their class difference.

(this is an idea that's been floating around twitter. that stolas is going full diss track in the scene the above screencap is from.

and weirdly enough, there's been some people PRAISING or DEFENDING the idea.

so i did a thread about it on twitter & decided to post it here too bc why not. slightly edited of course bc i made typos in the original lmao.)

first off: i am of the belief that one of the big reasons that Full Moon goes badly is bc stolas is off his meds.

i think that both stolas & blitzø will share some blame for the conversation spiraling out, but i think the main underlying reason that this happens is bc stolas is off his meds & not communicating his point properly.

second: i think that if blitzø DOES cross some sort of line in FM & ends up really hurting stolas, stolas is obviously within his rights to be hurt & feel bad about that shit. and especially bc he's going through his second adolescence & feeling a lot of these intense & big feelings for the first time.

him lashing out in some way or being a little petty could be in somewhat understandable. he's not perfect & has flaws just like everyone else.

HOWEVER. i do not think stolas lashing out after FM or going so far as to PUBLICLY HUMILIATE blitzø is what will happen. doing something like this would kinda be major steps backwards in stolas' character growth.

he has done a lot of work on himself over the 1st half of season 2 but he still has a long ways to go, ESPECIALLY in regards to how he treats imps as a whole.

stolas, a very powerful and influential prince of hell showing up to publicly humiliate blitzø, an imp at the bottom of hell's class system, would be... very questionable at best. and potentially dangerous for blitzø at worst.

regardless of how hurt stolas could potentially be & what big feelings he's experiencing for the first time in his second adolescence, the position & privilege he still currently holds are things that always needs to be considered. especially since a huge part of his character arc is that he's starting to REALIZE the extent of that class divide & how he unintentionally took advantage of that with the Full Moon Deal.

i REALLY do not think that stolas will actually belt out a blitzø diss track. i think that he will be using this opportunity to attempt to communicate properly what he WANTED to say in FM but couldn't bc their conversation spiraled.

but i am still writing this to try to get people to look at this from an alternate perspective.

i love stolas. i relate to him so much & i don't want to make it seem like i don't think he's allowed to be imperfect or hurt by things. i am merely REMINDING anyone that reads this that the class difference between stolas & blitzø currently still plays a large part in A LOT of aspects of their relationship.

publicly humiliating blitzø with the influence he has would NOT be a girlboss moment. it would carry a LOT of weight on how blitzø & his company could be seen & maybe even have an effect on their livelihood.

which is exactly what stolas wanted to AVOID by giving blitzø the crystal in the first place.

he is giving the crystal so that I.M.P can keep going & growing, as well as trying to put blitzø & himself on ever-so-slightly more even footing. this idea of publicly humiliating blitzø would be the exact OPPOSITE of that.

[lilyyx0]

(previous nonnie) !! first off, i relate so much to how you feel. it sucks so much to feel this way, like you're not pretty, not worthy of being loved and stuff like that. :(( but know that u are loveable !! just because you think that way of yourself, doesn't mean others think the same. your brain is just bein' mean to you. and it sucks sm to feel this way but know that you're not alone !! and hey, ain't your username "abby's pretty girl?" :3 u r pretty !! <33 and you seem so sweet !!!

for artists you mentioned, i've only listened to montell fish once or twice but definitely will listen to some more! i love billie eilish as well !! and 'm so excited for her next album hehe. i also like salvia plath. lana, i do like her music but like – born to die era !! < 33 🍒 never heard of saint avengeline but will def check them out !! :3

and i'll listen to the songs you mentioned !! hehe. personally, been obsessed with rizha's last ep. mostly "bella swan" !! also looove "mutt" by sophie meiers. :3

i will watch the semmelsweis movie ! never heard of it, but why not !! and you said you're interested in medicine? do you wanna work in that field? if so, that's so cool !! and if not, it's cool too. i like movies that involve medical procedures tho i don't know shit about medicine stuff haha. and those movies are so good ?? white chicks is one of my favs as well. my favorite movie 4ever will always be la la land tho. :(( also i need to watch the new mean girls.

also um. don't judge me. but i never actually watched a twilight movie 😭 and no harry Potter either (cause i don't like the world, but thats my opinion.) never watched glimore girls either. i need to watch arcane tho !! also. you're the first person i met who watched feel good <33 mwaaah !!!

i need to read the twisted series but first, need to read the two books on my tbr !! (truthfully yours by caden armstrong is my next read.) and do you have a favorite poetry book? or favorite poem? :))

ALSO TULIPS. mwaaaah !!! tulips for u !! 🌷🌷🌷💌 they're my favs too !! love them sm. they're so prettyyyy. <33 and from your name, i would've thought lilies were also your favorites haha. ;3

anyway !! sorry this is so long but i want you to know that i'll gladly listen to you ramble about your day or books anytime !! (tho m anonymous, cause im actually shy to text haaa >_<) btw, can i be 🌷 anon? :3 mwaah !!!! bisouuuus

I'm gonna cry, u r so fckin sweet:(

did you read the rolling stones article in which billie gave an interview? I was like OH LORD.

aww, I listened to "mutt" by sophie meiers, cute music, but still sad, it is really from a dog's vision? :( (ANYWAY, ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME MUSIC? I HOPE SO, BC IF NOT.. THEN I'M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED)

I don't really know what I want to do, I'm really interested in medicine, but I'm too lazy to study (and too scared to fail).

if you watch the movie Semmelweis, I'd be interested in your opinion about it, so if you're interested, by all means write how you liked it!! <33

I've heard of la la land, but I've never seen it, but maybe I'll watch it!

everyone has their own opinion, it's totally fine if you don't like Harry Potter that much, everyone has different tastes <3

Arcane is so FCKIN AMAZING, I've watched it like four times, can't wait for season 2 omg I'm sooo excited!!! about feel good.. I loved it, Mae and George were so cute:(

omg let me know if you manage to read the book you want! <3 here are my favorite poetry books, and there are two more books that I forgot to mention, but they are about fashion:

(I wanted to buy them in English, but unfortunately I didn't think of ordering online😭)

fashion books:

TULIPS ARE THE BEST!!!🌷💕

I also like lilies, but their scent is too strong for me:/

IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY, I LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO ME, REALLY!! :)

thank you so much again, I'm glad that someone will listen to me ramble about some fandom stuff ^^ (don't worry, I'm also a shy people!)

Of coursee, you're my 🌷 anon from now on!

XOXO

[c0smicfern]

can't tell how much of this is just in my head. on saturday, i temporarily lost the ability to verbalize twice for a total of like 2-3hrs that day (or at least i felt like i did bc i suddenly couldn't even force myself to speak). but maybe if i'd just... been less anxious / intentional about wanting to speak or even just not acknowledged the thought of, "is it just me, or can we not talk rn?" then maybe it wouldn't have happened?? least of all, twice in one day?? like that's a relatively new sensation in itself since it only started happening during my burnout. the closest thing i experienced before then was... feeling kind of paralyzed in my ability to articulate moreso bc of tension & needing to express myself perfectly. almost like repeatedly trying & failing a speech check. to the point where somebody has asked me a question & i sit there for some time before i'm able to offer a response. but it's not like i literally couldn't speak in those instances bc i still could have forced myself to say *something* in that time. i had just been paralyzed by social anxiety. which isn't what *actually* temporarily losing my ability to verbalize feels like. most of the time, i don't necessarily feel that anxious about it at all unless somebody's pressuring me to speak, which happened on saturday bc it happened at work. i was mostly just kind of pissed off bc i was so overstimulated, though. i went on my lunch break & felt better afterward. which is similar to how i broke out of it at the arcade later that night. but the fact that i was even able to go to the arcade & actually have a good time makes me feel like maybe i made both instances up in my head? it's just. none of this makes any sense. i've been completely fine since then, btw. went to the grocery store to pick up my meds last night & didn't feel overstimulated in the slightest. idk what's going on with me, but maybe i just need to stay away from substances. if i just stay sober, maybe all of this will just go away.

i just feel stuck between these two sides, people & experiences on both sides telling me that i either can't be or that i must be. i'd say i don't care, but that's obviously untrue. more than anything, though, i just want one stable, consistent sense of self. feels like i may never get there, but it's unlikely that it's bpd either, according to my therapist. maybe it's just adhd & i'm experiencing some very rare side effects from the medication? maybe i'm neurotypical & shouldn't be taking this medication at all? i literally don't know, and the inconsistency of my recent symptoms hasn't been helping the distress caused by the not knowing.

i've been... somewhat more repetitive lately, at least in what i'm consuming & thinking about. feels like my focus has been narrowed somewhat. i feel no more consistent in engaging with my hobbies, though. i'm much more tired. i can't even say my executive functioning has gotten any better, though i guess it has in some regards. task initiation & task switching have gotten more difficult, i think. maybe i'm burning out again? god, i fucking hope not. feels like i'm dragging my feet with everything that was... difficult to do before, but that i could generally still force myself to do. laundry's being done much less frequently. i haven't played a video game in... maybe a week. you *Know* i haven't been writing. i've been much worse about getting my hw done when it was almost a habit only a few weeks ago. i just feel *Tired*. might be worth trying to switch over to a stimulant medication, but i worry some of the side effects might... get worse on one of those. if i've been stimming more & getting overstimulated more frequently on a non-stimulant adhd medication, then what would a stimulant do to me? that is, if i can even trust those side effects to be, well, actual side effects of the medication & not a result of drug use. and *that's* the other thing. i don't feel like my impulsivity has actually gotten much better, at least where drugs are concerned. maybe the recent resurgence of my drug usage is an emotional response to what i've been going through, though? i feel like *maybe* the impulsivity has been less in other areas, though. i feel no more need for a routine, nor any more resentment towards change. but i feel a little more consistent in myself. i feel like *maybe* if my executive dysfunction & fatigue weren't impeding me, i could maybe create a routine for myself. i mean, i've been listening to the same 2 songs for like. a week & a half. where i couldn't stand to listen to one song on repeat for more than a day or two before. i've actually kind of preferred being super repetitive in what i've been listening to. point is, my desire for things to stay the same hasn't gone away, but i feel less impeded by my adhd from creating more stability in my life. which, regardless of if i'm actually autistic or not, i've been enjoying immensely. i feel like the conflict in my brain has ceded a fair amount. only, i don't feel any more functional. but again, i'm anxious about trying stimulant medication. either way, i'm talking to my psychiatrist about this all in a couple of weeks. maybe sooner. and who knows? maybe a higher dosage of this medication will be more helpful. it seems unlikely from the number of side effects i've already experienced at the starting dose (difficulty sleeping, daytime drowsiness, nausea, etc.), but i'm trying to keep an open mind. anyway, we'll see. fingers crossed that i'm normal at work tomorrow.

[reidsaurora]

"Never" ~ S. Reid

Summary: When Y/N doesn't show up for work multiple days in a row, Spencer Reid is determined to find out why. Though, when he finds out the reason, Y/N never expected him to stay… much less help her through it.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader (no pronouns used but Fem!Reader is somewhat implied)

Word Count: 2,127

Content Warning: heavy BPD content, mentions of food, mentions of binge eating, mentions of medications, very mild swearing, lmk if i missed anything!

Genre: mostly Hurt/Comfort and Angst mixed with Fluff

Extra Notes: i hope this is OK and somewhat accurate. i do not have BPD (or at least, not that i know of anyway) so i attempted to do some research and make this as accurate as possible!

Based On the Request: "hii! request for spencer reid, reader has bpd and goes into a depressive spiral and spencer realizes and takes care of her and gives reassurance and comforts her, hugs cuddles kisses all of that. maybe also he helps her take a bath bc she struggles with hygiene when she's spiraling and it's all sweet n stuff, just very very fluff."

Features the One-Liner: "Aren't you getting tired of taking care of me?" - "Never."

Originally Written: 06/28/2022

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

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"𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥, 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐠𝐥𝐮𝐞." - 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐬

"Y/N? It's Reid, open up!" Reid shouted outside my front door.

I supposed I should've let him in by that point. After all, he'd been knocking for three whole minutes.

As I slowly plodded toward the door, I wondered why he'd knocked for so long. I wondered what was so important, but more importantly, I wondered why I was so important.

"Yeah?" I asked sarcastically as I opened the door.

He took a second to look me over. Rightly so, considering I hadn't been to work in three days, and I hadn't showered since at least the weekend. I thought for a moment as I tried to remember the last time I'd changed clothes, the last time I did something as simple as brush my teeth or comb my hair.

Reid could tell, too. I figured that out when his face fell. Hesitantly, he asked, "Are you feeling OK?"

"I'm fine," I insisted. "I was a little busy though," I lied.

"Uh…" he uttered nervously. "Don't take this the wrong way, but were you too busy to call in and tell Hotch you were taking a couple days off?"

I ran a hand through my hair, only just having realized how oily it must've been. "Is that why you came—to reprimand me in Hotch's place?"

"No, no!" he exclaimed as he held his hands up. "I actually wanted to check on you. For myself."

"Really?" I asked, genuinely surprised.

I tried to process his words. Who would want to check on me? Who would go out of their way to make sure I was OK?

He nodded silently. "May I come in?"

I stepped aside before warning him, "Brace yourself."

He took a look around my apartment. I was surprised he didn't run away at the smell of old food on the counter and the sight of the trash lying around.

He turned back to face me with furrowed brows. "I'm assuming your place doesn't always look like this?"

I shook my head. "Only when-" I stopped myself, wondering how I could've let that slip.

I felt a wave of guilt come over my stomach. Surely, he didn't care why my apartment looked and smelled that way. I was surprised he was even still standing in my living room after what he'd viewed upon his arrival.

After an awkward moment of silence, he spoke up again. "Don't take this the wrong way, but have you been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?"

Leave it to Spencer Reid to figure that out within a minute of entering my home.

Despite the fact that he was correct in saying so, I tried to argue by saying, "That's crazy. Why would you think-"

"Well," he cut me off, "I just thought the symptoms kind of added up. The first sign was that you didn't call to tell us you'd be out of work, which would fall under 'impulsive behavior'. Then, there's the fact that you tried to push me away when I first got here, which could have to do with fear of abandonment. All of the junk food wrappers would tell me you've been eating a lot. Binge eating is another common symptom among people with BPD. Then-"

"Yes, Reid," I cut him off this time. "I have BPD." That felt weird to say out loud.

"I noticed an empty bottle of Fluoxetine on the counter. Is that what you take for it?" he questioned.

I slowly nodded as tears began brimming up my eyes. "It was."

"When was the last time you took it?"

The tears finally started to fall from my eyes as I answered, "Over a month ago."

His lips pressed together before he wrapped me in a hug. "I'm sorry you're going through this."

My tears started to fall more rapidly when he said this. "Why is he being so nice to me? Does he really care that much about me?" I contemplated.

He held me for a few minutes. God knows I needed it. It was nice to hold something that wasn't my pillow. It was nice to smell something that wasn't my own, awful stench.

For a moment, I pondered what it would be like to taste something that wasn't cheap pizza or Chinese take-out. I quickly stopped myself. Like hell he'd wanna kiss me in the first place, much less in these conditions.

"I promise I don't mean this in a rude way. I'm just curious, I swear," he started, "But, when was the last time you took a bath? Like a nice, long, hot bath?"

I chuckled sarcastically. "In this place? Never."

He pulled away as he asked, "Is there a reason why?"

I wiped my cheeks with the pads of my fingers, but it was pointless. My cries just continued on. "I never felt I deserved it."

He looked to the floor, his face somewhere between sympathizing and wondering. After a moment, he said, "I have an idea."

"I'm all ears, I suppose."

"You can say no, of course. But, I thought, maybe I could help you. I used to wash my mom's hair a lot when she would have really bad episodes," he explained. "I know it would be a little weird, but you can wear a bathing suit. I'll step out when you're ready to wash everything else," he said awkwardly.

For the first time in what felt like an eon, I cracked a smile. Sure, it was only a partial smile, but Spencer Reid had managed to make my lips turn upward for a split second. That was an accomplishment I never thought would happen again.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll go change."

And so, the next thing I knew, I was sitting in my bathtub, wearing my favorite pink bikini, and feeling Spencer Reid of all people lather my hair up with coconut-scented shampoo.

"Can you close your eyes for a minute?" he instructed softly. He spoke almost as softly as the music he'd started to play on my speaker.

That was the second time I cracked a smile. It took him nearly ten minutes to figure out how to connect my phone to the speaker, another five to figure out how Spotify worked.

I broke myself from my memories, quickly squeezing my eyes shut. The feeling of warm water trickling down my face soothed me—something I hadn't felt that whole week.

After a couple minutes, he stood up. "I'm gonna go so you can finish up in here, but please take all the time you need," he told me.

That was the first time I'd ever heard those words and actually wanted to listen to them. I'd been diagnosed for years, but not once had I actually wanted to give myself the time and care that I needed.

Reid had that effect on me. He could've told me to do anything in the world and I would've done it. I was convinced he could've told me to drive to Alaska and my reaction would've been, "Where are my keys?"

"I promise I won't leave you," he said. "I'll still be here. Just call for me and I'll be there."

Normally, I would've assumed it was a lie. Who would want to stay and help? But, his words seemed truthful, so I felt that there was no reason to doubt him.

As he walked out, I leaned back into the water. It had been forever since I fully submerged myself in hot water, taking in the steam and the serenity of it.

I sat there like that for at least an hour before finally getting up to strip down and actually take a bath. By the time I did it, my fingers and toes had already pruned up and the water was nearly cold.

I took longer than I normally did when I took a shower, savoring the feeling of body wash on my skin. It was like I could feel the filth leaving my body as I rinsed off.

Finally, I stood up before letting the water out. I dried off rather quickly before throwing on some fresh pajamas.

Almost as soon as I finished dressing, Reid tapped his knuckles lightly on the door. "May I come in?"

"Mhm," I hummed.

He noticed me holding my comb in one hand before taking it from me. "May I?"

I nodded, but still asked, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you'd do the same if I were in your position."

He ran the comb through my hair carefully, so as to not rip any knots out. I was surprised at first that he'd know how to brush it so carefully, but then remembered the times he'd let his hair grow out.

We stayed silent for a few moments as he finished combing through my hair. I took a couple deep but silent breaths, taking in the feeling of euphoria all this self-care was giving me.

Silently, he took me by the hand and led me out of the bathroom. As we walked down the hallway, he repeated my sentence from earlier. "Brace yourself."

Three was the new record for how many times I'd smiled that day.

As we rounded the corner, my jaw nearly fell to the floor.

He'd taken the time to not only clean up the trash, but also wipe all my counters down, mop the floors, and it looked as though the living room had been vacuumed.

"I'm not the best cook in the world, but I found some bacon and eggs in the fridge. I thought maybe I could make you an omelet or something."

I knew I should've thanked him first. Instead, a couple tears fell from my eyes as I asked, "Aren't you getting tired of taking care of me?"

I could hear empathy in his voice as he answered, "I could never get tired of taking care of you."

I wrapped my arms around his midsection, which was followed by the feeling of his hands meeting my back. We stood like that for a while, basking in the feeling of each other. I listened intently to his breath, his chest vibrating every so often as he hummed contently.

"Whaddaya say?" he asked as he unraveled his arms. "I'll make us some dinner, you can put on your favorite movie, and we can just hang out together?" In a panic, he said, "Only if you want to, of course."

I nodded with my fourth smile of the day. "I'd like that a lot."

And so, after a half hour of watching him struggle to make an omelet, various shouts of "I promise I'll clean all this up!", and an almost burnt batch of bacon, Reid finally presented me with my dinner.

"I hope the presentation makes up for the taste," he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Spencer," I smiled back.

His face turned to a soft expression. "That's the first time you've ever called me Spencer."

My face nearly dropped when I realized the accuracy of his statement. "Yeah, I guess it was."

He swallowed nervously before saying, "I have a question. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though."

I nodded slowly, hesitantly preparing myself for his question.

"Is there a reason why you never refer to us by our first names? Even when we're off duty, you always call us the same way you would on the field."

"Well, as you know, fear of abandonment is very common in people with BPD," I said apprehensively. "Ever since I first showed signs of BPD, I became hesitant to use nicknames," I explained. "I thought that if I used nicknames, I'd get too close and then someone else would leave me again."

Spencer took a deep sigh before hugging me again. I'd had a hard time believing that he'd hugged me the first time, much less multiple times in one day.

"I-I thought," I stuttered before swallowing hard, "I thought that if I ever called you guys by your first names that I'd lose you too." By this point, I was in tears again. "I've lost so many people because of this illness. I couldn't risk losing you guys too."

He hugged me tighter than he was before. "I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"Well, there's only one way to prove it," I said with another smile, though my tone was sort of daring.

"What's that?"

"Show me you really mean it."

He must've understood what I was implying, because the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine and his arms were wrapped around me tightly.

If there was one thing I knew after that kiss, it was that he wasn't planning on leaving any time soon.

"𝐈 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝." - 𝐆𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐭

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Hi, everyone!! Welcome to my @foxy-eva's milestone challenge/@lunar-affection's imagine request hodgepodge!!

I saw the one-liner prompt I used and it immediately felt right for this request so I just mixed the two together and got this! I hope this was OK on both accounts :)

anyway, i'm really proud of the way this turned out and i hope you guys like it too!!

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[thewildsophia]

Cuphead//Werner Werman x Military!Reader

A/N: New Cuphead season came out and I’m hyper-fixating again. I took matters into my own hands and wrote Werner with a military s/o bc there aren’t any others. I’m thinking of writing a full on fic or two with this concept, but would ya’ll read them?

Note: The beginning part of this is just the backstory of who you are and it’s kinda (really) long so sorry abt that; It’s all the text before the “read more” breaker. There’s also a section about PTSD so if that makes you uncomfortable then read the last parts of this carefully (or don’t at all, I’ve labeled the section in question).

Words: 2962

“Read More Link” placed due to length.

Werner Wermin With a Military Veteran S/O:

During the war you were one of the many people displaced due to the conflict. Originally you were placed in a refugee camp separated from your family. It wasn’t until you learned that your family had not been recovered that you decided to join the fight. 

You were trained under Lieutenant Kettle and was certified as a sharpshooter in the marine corp before being swapped over to medical staff after adequate training. 

Being so young and having just lost everything, Kettle made it part of his job to look after you. He knows the horrors of war and how terrible people can be in it, so he wanted to do whatever he could to prevent you from seeing the true horrors of it all.

Despite his best efforts though, working as a sniper and then field medic had you see things that you wouldn’t believe happened had you not witnessed it first hand: How long different beings can live without water, how fast certain gasses can cause people to pass out, how far the joints on different kinds of bodies can fold backwards on themselves. You name it and you’ve probably seen it. 

You and Lieutenant Kettle did make it out of the war; Alive, but not unscathed. Kettle’s injuries were able to be fixed not easily but completely, and he returned home mostly okay. 

You on the other hand were not so lucky. Since humans are somewhat rare worldwide, there isn’t much in the field of medicine for treating human injuries and illness. Because of this, a spinal injury you received during service technically rendered you handicapped, making you eligible for benefits. While you’re not visibly handicapped, you still felt pain some days where you had been shot in the back, but other than that you got around just fine. 

For a while, Lieutenant Kettle -- who now went by “Elder” Kettle -- let you live with him seeing as you had no home to return to. You moved out into your own cottage just a short walk away from his own after about a year when the VA began giving you your benefits. 

Not long after, two young boys, Cuphead and Mugman, showed up at Elder Kettle’s door and he took care of them as if they were his own, with assistance from you of course. You grew to love them rather quickly; They were like your younger brothers!

For a while you lived by yourself quietly, frequently visiting Elder Kettle and the brothers. While you liked your life, you did often feel lonely. Returning home to an empty house was somewhat depressing at times.

That all changed when you met “Werner Werman,” an eccentric engineer who is a rather crafty, if not annoying, rat. A literal rat.

At first, you avoided him whenever you saw him. You immediately recognized his uniform as being that of your enemy and just seeing his helmet was enough to send you into a panic. The fact that he was always in his “tank” didn’t make you any more comfortable being around him. 

It wasn’t until you saw him outside of his tank, however, that actually made you consider speaking to him. 

You were just exiting a local market in the early afternoon when you saw him. You were about to turn around and keep walking when you noticed something very peculiar about him: He had no tail. Not to mention his considerable clumsiness, knocking over a few items from vending stalls as he passed by and cussing at the understandably angry venders in German. 

It was only when you saw him struggle to grab something from one of the stalls that you decided to help. Hesitantly, you walked up and asked if he needed help. The rat stared at you before saying, “Could jou lift me up zo zhat I can zpeak vith zhe clerk?”

You took a deep breath in before doing as he asked, wiping your hand off on your shirt as he turned away to speak to the man. He bought a pack of cigars before asking you to help him down.

“Jou are much nicer zhan most ozhers around, mein Herr/Frau.” He said as you placed him on the ground, “Zhe name’s Verner Vermin, should jou ever need mein help.” 

With that, he walked off leaving you to return to your own home. 

Anytime you’d see him after that he’d always greet you and ask for you to help him reach something if needed. You got to know him a little better during these times and, to your surprise, you became fast friends as you grew to enjoy his company.

You mentioned Werner to Elder Kettle in passing once and he looked at you shocked, surprised that you knew him. You asked if he knew him and he explained that he met him only once on the battlefield.

For weeks you continued about your daily business, speaking to Werner whenever time allowed you. Despite his rather loud voice, you learned fairly quickly that Werner was rather shy and introverted when it came to speaking to people he actually liked. The subject of engineering and repurposing junk would frequently come up, seemingly because he was most comfortable with such topics of discussion. 

Eventually, Werner mentioned how he served in the war and that’s when you let him know that you too served in it, just on the opposite side though. He grows silent, pensive, at that and turns to you asking, “Iz zhat vhy jou avoided me before?”

Shocked, you explained your rationale and immediately he began to understand. 

The irritability, the low appetite, the worried glances you’d give whenever something around you fell. You had PTSD.

His attitude around and to you changed in little ways. Werner would lower his voice whenever possible and he’d ask if you were okay whenever you got a dissociative look on your face.

Unknown to you, Werner had begun to harbor a crush on you. He actually didn’t realize it either until he spoke to his friend Cala about you. 

Also unknown to you was the fact that you also began to harbor feelings for Werner as well. Perhaps there was a part of you that still believed he was the enemy and therefore you couldn’t be with him. But despite that, your feelings for him continued to grow.

It’s for that reason that when he asked you out on a date you were so shocked that you couldn’t say anything for a moment, you just stared. He thought your silence ment no but you had to quickly assure him that, yes, you wanted to go on a date.

The date was nice; You two simply went out to dinner together and had a small drink. Throughout the whole date, however, you noticed how nervous Werner was and it took a while for you to ease his nerves saying things like, “Yes, I like the flowers,” and, “No, I like engineering. Please continue.” Stuff like that.

At the end of the night, he offered to walk you home, but you denied his offer and instead offered to walk him home. Like you, he tried to reject it, but eventually gave in realizing he wouldn’t win against you. You wouldn’t tell him this, but you honestly didn’t want him walking around too much with such poor balance. 

You wished Werner a good night at his home (?) and asked him when the next date was. Surprised, and somewhat bashful, Werner smiled nervously and said whenever you’d like. 

Spoiler alert: You two went on many dates after that night and officially started dating.

Werner would always have you over to show off his creations and machinery, often talking for hours about how every little thing worked, not that you minded at all. You quite liked the sound of his voice.

During one of these many visits, you finally ask Werner why he had no tail. Werner explained through deep breaths that during the war his tail was literally blown off. He also elaborated on the fact that without his tail he now had difficulty staying balanced when standing and walking. 

You comforted Werner, explaining your similar injury -- making sure not to use the word “disability” because God knows how veterans hate to say they’re disabled -- and how it also affects your ability to move around. 

It was after that day you began research into prosthetics. You spoke to Werner about it and at first he was hesitant before agreeing to at least try. 

You created a few designs based on his size and determined how it would rest on his body. Werner then helped to translate those designs into actual working prototypes. 

It took a few tries but eventually you two came up with a design that worked really well. It wasn’t like a real tail completely, but it made walking for Werner so much easier and, while he won’t admit it, the first time he tested it out he teared up a little. 

Sometime later you eventually asked Werner to move in with you. His home was a long walk away for both of you and if you were being honest you felt that his home wasn’t all that easy to move around in anyways. 

Werner accepted your invite with glee and was moved in so damn fast. 

Suddenly, your home was a lot less quiet, being filled with the constant clatter of metal and the welting of parts. You and Werner made it a habit to work on ways to make your home more accessible for him considering his small size.

You were also surprised to meet Katzenwagen for the first time, believing him to be just a regular cat. But Werner surprised you like always and showed you just what he was and how he made him.

You liked cats, so you loved having Katzenwagen around as well.

You’d also bring Werner with you sometimes to visit the cup brothers and Elder Kettle. 

Tw: PTSD

Something that you two liked to talk about is your time in the military. He was glad to have someone to talk to about it and you didn’t mind listening to his ramblings. 

But Werner’s just as good of a listener as he is a talker. He was silent whenever you’d talk about your experience since, out of the two, you were more private about your time in the military.

Having Werner living with you now took away a part of the privacy you had before and opened him up to some of the more…unsavory effects war had on you at such a young age. 

Similar to Werner, there are days where the pain from your injury makes you irritable. You’re very quick to anger and have gotten angry with Werner a few times. He doesn’t take it personally, however, and helps to distribute your pain medications. You always apologize to him the next day.

While generally a rarity, there are some days where you’re silent, never uttering a word from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. You often sat and stared on days like these, not even doing anything to pass the time. Werner would often talk to you on those days, filling your silence with his chatter and explaining all his current and future projects. He can never tell if you were actually listening to him.

Sometimes, when waking up from nightmares, you forget where you are. Werner, sleeping in the room right next to yours, often wakes up to you screaming and rushes over to check on you. 

One of three things usually happens: You are dazed and question where you are, you become extremely hostile to others (usually Werner since he’s the only one around), or you engage in self-destructive behavior.

Werner always hopes it’s the first outcome when he walks into your room. You can be found standing in the middle of the room looking around at everything and even picking some things up and examining them. When you see Werner, you ask him who he is and where you two are. He calmly explains that you’re in your house and he’s your lover.

“I have a lover?” You asked one time, “You’re my lover?” You held his small hands while saying, “Well, I’m glad I have such a handsome lover then.”

Mans was red in the face embarrassed. 

He often speaks with you for a little before having you go back to sleep. When you wake up, you remember who you are, but none of the events of the previous night.

The second, and one of the more unnerving ones, is when you become violent with Werner after nightmares. You think you’re still in the middle of the war and respond as such.

There was one instant where you pulled a gun --the handgun you keep under your pillow that Werner had helped customize for you -- on Werner after he entered the room and spoke, immediately recognizing his thick German accent. You had threatened to “blow his head off his shoulders” if he didn’t leave. 

It took a lot of convincing, and shouting, for you to put the gun down. Werner explained who he was and where you were, often pointing to things around your room to help prove that he was telling the truth. 

He’d often leave your room during one of these episodes after he calms you down, giving you space to do as you pleased in that room until you fell asleep again. Similar to before, you don’t remember the previous night, but Werner keeps a wary eye on you the next day.

The third and perhaps scariest out of the three is when you become destructive against yourself. 

Werner is much, much smaller than you. Usually this doesn’t matter in your general relationship as you don’t mind having a smaller lover and often help him move around. 

The issue comes about when you enter one of these self-destructive episodes. Werner cannot physically stop you from hurting yourself. No matter how much he screams and begs, how much he grabs at you and whatever you may be holding, it’s truly as if he doesn’t exist. 

It’s his complete and utter uselessness in these moments that scares Werner the most. 

The first time it happened, Werner thought you were going to kill yourself. 

You were absolutely manic: screaming, crying, tearing at your body and drawing blood, all the while you were mumbling something about a younger sister. 

You couldn’t hear Werner’s screaming over your own, nor could you feel his desperate touches over your nails. 

Knowing that he couldn’t do anything to stop you, Werner rushed over to Elder Kettle’s cottage in the middle of the night, screaming at the man to hurry and move faster because you were gonna kill yourself if you didn’t stop.

Living so close to Elder Kettle made it easy for them to get to you quickly and once there, Kettle had to restrain you to stop you.

You eventually passed out in his arms, so Elder Kettle covered you up and allowed you to sleep. The two men spoke outside of your room and that’s when Werner broke down crying, muttering how useless he is and how he can’t help you. It’s then that he wonders how many times you’ve woken up like this, confused and in despair, before he came to live with you.

Elder Kettle is quick to talk him through everything and even gives Werner more backstory on you before joining the military. 

The two devise a plan of action in case you ever have one of these episodes again. It’s very, very rare, but you do sometimes enter these manic episodes and it never gets easier for either of them.

It’s after this event of self-harm that Werner helps sign you up for therapy.

Therapy was something that Werner went to with mild success, but he suggests that maybe it will help you more than it did him.

He even offers to join you in secessions if you’d feel more comfortable with him. 

Werner also helps to change things around the house, specifically your room, to make it safer and more comforting when you panic. He even adds a few of his own things to your room so that you can hopefully be reminded of him in a good way when you wake up dazed.

While not completely better, there is improvement in your behavior. These episodes become less and less frequent and Werner learns how to properly guide you through them. 

Tw: ending

Werner absolutely adores you, flaws and all. Just as you were willing to help him recover, he is willing to help you recover as well, even if it’s in a different way. 

For someone who was forced to see so much from such a young age, it never ceases to amaze Werner just how genuinely kind you are. You treat the cup brothers as if they’re your own brothers and often help others you see in need out of the kindness of your heart. After all, that’s how you two met. 

Werner wants to be the absolutely best lover he can be for you and you share that same sentiment. 

You’ve often thought about marrying someone after you left the war with Elder Kettle, but at the time you didn’t know anyone. With Werner, you had everything you could possibly want and need. 

Werner’s stories and creations often amazed you and inspired you to create things that would help others who are sick or injured. 

The two of you are still quite young, but who knows. With time, you may just ask him to be your husband.

You’d even let Cuphead and Mugman be the flower boys.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[phoenixyfriend]

Time Travel ft. Leia and Vader

(Helped by @atagotiak)

I was reading a bunch of different time travel fics, and my brain slotted in that one "Vader hands over the Empire to Leia and is now her most devoted sycophant" dynamic and mixed it with the "Luke and Vader time-travel and Vader does the right thing but only because it would make Luke sad if he didn't."

I landed on "Leia time travels to prequels era, but her least favorite family member has also traveled with her, though it takes him a few months to find her because he has less resources without the entire Imperial Navy, but he's still a scary Sith in all black with a breathing mask and intimidating cape."

"Tiny angry lady who wants to force democracy and her giant Sith father whom she hates but has resigned herself to pointing at threats like a tank who inexplicably loves her" is a delightful dynamic.

The first few months included a lot of concern about "why do you know so much about Sith if you're not trained or looking to be one" and then Vader shows up and calls her 'daughter' and she insults him and it's like "Oh. That explains it."

Council Member: We have a Sith in the Temple. Vader: Former Sith. Leia: Listen. He is your best chance against Sidious. Also, do you want Dooku dead? Vader can make him dead. Council Member: Your father i-- Leia, scrunching up her face: Don't call him that.

Like Leia is deep in conversation when the Temple starts panicking because Vader just. Showed up? He snuck in, somehow? So Palpatine wouldn't catch him on video entering through the front door? And people try to keep her away from the trouble, because there's an entire array of Jedi Masters to deal with this Surprise Sith, except she can sense exactly which Sith it is and once she shouts "oh you have got to be kidding me!" she just starts running and, well, it's Leia. Nobody can stop her.

(Leia does have less combat training, at least less force-assisted combat training, than the Jedi. But then the Jedi don’t want to hurt here here. She's not fighting her way down, either, she's just running really fast and all the best fighters already left. They had a head start. So Leia's mostly running past random padawans and the like.)

She shoves her way to the front of the group of Masters who. Well, they're certainly ready to attack. But Vader is just standing there. Doing nothing. Still intimidating as fuck but he's not doing anything.

And then Leia bursts onto the scene like "You motherfucker."

She hits her head on a clipboard and whines because UGH he's a walking WMD and they could REALLY use him against Palpatine but also. She hates him so much.

She tries to hand him off to the Jedi council but he insists that he will only take orders from Leia herself.

Jedi: Wait, what. Leia, completely ignoring them: Did you follow me here? Vader, through the mechanical wheezing: I have no loyalty to my master and no empire to serve. You are all that I have left. Leia: Me? Me? I'm all that you have left? You committed a genocide that killed all the family I had except for the twin brother you later mutilated! Jedi: Wait what Vader, going to one knee: I pledge my loyalty and blade to you and only you, daughter. Leia, ready to explode: I. I just. Jedi, some of whom really want to say things but are slowly realizing that they just accidentally acquired a Sith Lord by proxy: What. Leia: I hate you so much but I can't even get rid of you, you're too useful. Vader: I live to serve. Leia: Yeah. Got that. Fuck. Someone get him a full medical rundown, I don't know the last time that mess of a life support system was updated. Jedi, agitated again: WHAT Leia: Listen, I don't like him, but I'm not stupid enough to throw away the second most dangerous person in the universe when I can point him at the most dangerous person in the universe. Especially not if he's going to listen to me. Jedi: But... he's a Sith. Leia: Please trust me when I say this: you might be able to take him down eventually, but he will take dozens of you down with him, and right now he's... honestly, I'm pretty sure he's more depressed than malicious. Jedi: You hate him. I can feel it. Leia: Yes, but I can be professional about it. Vader: They have not yet d-- Leia: Nope! No talking! Not until I've had a chance to process this mess!

There is a whole lot of Leia snapping at Vader to stop it whenever he starts giving off vibes like he wants to take the most violent shortcut possible.

She is not the gentle hand that Luke would be.

Leia isn't a Jedi or working for them but she's wormed her way into being an ally. They don't 100% trust her, especially not with Vader just showing up and declaring her family but like

How do you say no to a WMD walking into your house and saying "I will fight the monster you cower from at night."

There's a lot of Leia snapping off an admonishment that sounds just a little too odd and then when questioned she just says "He knows what he did."

tbh I'm not sure how long it takes for them to tell anyone that Anakin is Vader. They might hold it off in hopes that Anakin can just retire to be Mr. Amidala after the war is over.

Well, Leia hopes. Vader just lets Leia make that call and then glowers at his younger self every time they're in the same room.

I do feel like Leia tells Obi-Wan the truth first

Imagine. Imagine a Vader who’s past still isn’t known. But has gotten somewhat comfortable around the Jedi (not really but the bar for what counts and comfortable for him is low). And Obi-Wan habitually banters with darksiders, right? If Vader’s guard is down for a moment and he, without thinking, references an inside joke...

Might be the most fun in terms of ways to tell Obi-Wan "We're time travelers and Vader is what happens if you let Palpatine drive Anakin off the edge"

If Vader has decided to pledge himself to her orders after destroying her planet, then fine. She can work with that. She's not going to be happy about it, but she can make it work.

The Jedi Temple hates having Vader anywhere nearby but he is actually very good at hiding himself from people, including Palpatine And for all that Leia seems perpetually irritated with her apparent bodyguard, he does seem to listen to her.

Jedi council: We still haven't figured out how to handle Dooku Leia: Do you know his location? Jedi council: Yes. Leia: [sigh] Leia: Vader, deal with it. Alive if possible.

(Leia does need to clarify an acceptable level of violence against the people protecting Dooku.) (She needs to clarify... many things.)

Leia always says "Vader" and one time a poor fool just asks why she doesn't call him dad and she snarls out "He is not the man that raised me, and I am glad for it."

Someone less foolish later prods more compassionately and she lets them know she was adopted and didn't properly meet Vader except in passing until she was nineteen.

"And then he tortured you." "And then he tortured me, yes." "Damn." "Didn't even find out we were related until a few years later when he chopped my brother's arm off." "You... wow." "I know."

At least one exchange that is L: You mean when you tortured me? A: He did what. V: I was not aware of our relation at that time. L: Not the point! I am fully aware of your interrogation methods and I refuse to let you be the one to acquire the evidence for-- A: Wait no go back he tortured you? L: Move on, please, we already have. A: That means I'm... oh Force, I'm going to torture my own daughter what in the actual fu-- L: We're moving on.

(“I end up torturing my own daughter” If Leia’s feeling especially spiteful I can see her saying “you mutilate your own son too”)

Concept: Leia is very free with traumatizing details of her past re:Vader and Anakin thinks that it sucks but doesn’t think much of it bc Sith. And then some time later he finds out...

(I love characters who use the traumatizing details of their past to shut down conversations.)

It's such a wonderfully horrifying concept for him to try to awkwardly comfort this girl he kind of knows because having a Sith for a dad sounds like it would suck and Leia seems nice, even if she's kind of weird and uncomfortable around Anakin, but he saw her flinch around a few other tall people wearing black robes the way she stiffens around Vader so maybe it's just that!

It is not.

Vader does get a significant amount of medical treatment. Including a bunch of "holy shit, that's a lot of drugs" and similar. There is so much lightning damage.

hnnng I'm just really in love with the image of Tiny Tiny Leia sitting behind a desk for some fancy negotiation, the picture of professionalism, while Vader just stands behind her shoulder, looming, glaring expressionless death at whoever came to speak with his baby girl.

Not that he would call her that, because she'd just hate him more and he's really not sure how to fix that problem, other than doing whatever she asks with no complaints and hoping she appreciates it.

Vader: [looks at children wandering by, has complicated emotions] Leia, tired of his shit: What now? Vader: I killed them, once. Leia, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath: And you're not going to do that again. No killing children. Vader: I know that. Leia: Great. I am... regretting asking. I am so very much regretting asking.

I do really like the idea of someone asking Leia once if she wants Jedi training and she says, no, actually, she's fully aware of the fact that she's angry little ball of hate sometimes, especially towards her bio father, and she'd like to refrain from putting herself in a position where she knows enough about the Force to Fall. She wouldn't Fall. But it does make people shut up.

[redrobin-detective]

Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached. 

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control. 

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule. 

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown. 

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments. 

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand. 

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents. 

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture. 

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...

[static-fanatic-1]

I just went through you r blong and it's?? So amazing??? Like omg I wass literally screaming when I read all that glorious stuff, you're doing god's work here love💕 but I would like to know what Kikyo, Illumi, Milluki, Kurapika, Pakunoda, Chrollo and Silva + Shigaraki, Overhaul, Monoma, Chronostasis, Setsuno, Tamaki, Endeavor, Shinsou and Aizawa do for winter and/or Christmas/other religious holidays activities with their darling? Bc I'm ready to sell my vital organs for it ;_;

Thanks you <3

Also, Christmas wit da bois is an amazing idea. (I’ll be doing normal Winter stuff and some religious holidays.)

Kikyo/Illumi/Milluki/Silva:

Since they are a family, I will combine them (and to make this large post a bit shorter and easier haha).

Anyway, they celebrate Christmas more for the gifts and to spoil their kids. You better expect a large, family gathering for the entire two weeks of Christmas and New Years. It doesn’t really matter, you will be forced to celebrate Christmas with them. I mean you are part of the family.

Think of it as a resort holiday, you are treated like a queen/king and anything you want will go. Well, other than freedom of course. Still, you receive many gifts that are beyond your price tag, and the gifts you give them are more decorative to be honest. You don’t have as much money to spend as them, so you decided to make all of your gifts because you hoped the thought would be enough. They might not look the best, but each Zoldyck will treasure it to the end of their days.

They will try to incorporate any traditions as long as they are family oriented, they aren’t monsters. And even if you have other holidays you celebrate, you will still celebrate Christmas with them. With that being said, they will be kind enough to celebrate your own holidays, it will be a smaller scaled thing though.

Kurapika:

He finds it to be a bonding moment, and he doesn’t get enough of those for obvious reasons. He will go above and beyond to please you, simply to get back on your good side a bit.

Cocoa, apple cider, blankets, decorations, traditions, ANYTHING is on. He wants you to relax and feel at home around him. Despite his extremely controlling attitude, he wants you to love him. Sadly he prioritizes your absolute safety over your mental health.

But it’s sweet for the most part, he actually seems to act normal, he doesn’t seem as if he is going to snap and try to force you into anything. But yes, he might try to get things to be hot and heavy, you being relaxed is too perfect of an oppertunity to waste. He still has a clan to rebuild.

Pakunoda:

I wrote chrollo’s before Paku’s, so it’s kinda the same. She will be more active in putting things together and getting into the festivities. She will get really close, using the excuse that she’s cold just to cuddle with you.

Christmas sex? Yeah, probably. She’ll take care of everything, you could sit back and watch her do everything. But it’s more fun together right?

Everyone is invited, so expect the rest of the Troupe and their darlings!

Chrollo:

He doesn’t mind, he’s pretty accommodating too! He’s honestly the most okay with anything. I would think the people of Meteor City look forward to Christmas, there isn’t a lot but people who really care for one another take the time to chill with each other.

With you around, they have a really big excuse to go all out! Chrollo will sit back and relax, having you and the rest of the Troupe decorate and get presents. He will help of course if you ask, but he will mostly be on the side lines.

Anything else is a-okay too! He doesn’t care as long as you are happy, and the Troupe can join in the festivities.

Shigiraki:

Christmas is something he does know! But he knows nothing of any other holiday to be honest. All for One gave him a few gifts in his life time, not much but enough for Shigiraki to develope the concept of Christmas. I mean when he was a kid he loved Christmas with his family. It was one of the happiest times back then.

So he genuinely had a love hate relationship with the holiday. You will ah e to take initiative on this one. Giving a gift, starting decorations, making hot coco or something. Anything to get the ball rolling and he would begrudgingly comply.

Secretly, he is excited to join the holiday festivities with you. Specifically with you, anyone else and they would be dust. He is okay with learning new holiday traditions too, like why do you guys light candles for a holiday? Well oh tell him with a smile and help him light one on fire. He almost burns the whole hideout down. You’ll have to watch him.

Endeavor:

He celebrates Christmas, but he’s more of a grinch. He celebrates it with his kids and wife, just because it’s something families do. Though throughout his life he never found it more than a obligation.

When you come along, he’s on the path of becoming a better person, so he will definantly try harder. One Christmas with all the fun stuff with you, and another one for his family. He kinda lets you take the lead, of course if you really want something you will have to do some sexual trades. Can’t let you get too comfortable right?

Moreover, if you are on good terms with his immediate family, you could probably add more cheer to the holiday. Also if you celebrate another holiday then don’t worry, he’ll accommodate to be nicer.

Overhaul:

Who cares about winter, it’s cold and you are more likely to get sick because of it. Your immune system will be more likely to be compromised so you better expect him to helicopter a bit more.

Warm teas, heavy blankets, vitamins, and supplaments are to be expected. Nothing sugary either, maybe a bit of medical honey in your tea but not much.

Christmas isn’t something he celebrates, but he will make a slight exception if you are good. If you act like a suck up, he’ll be nice and maybe get you Christmas gift. Maybe even a small Christmas tree for moral. I wouldn’t expect too much though.

Chronostasis:

He like winter, he doesn’t know why exactly, but he does. I can easily see him getting into the activities of December. Like the ballets and Christmas lights and other festive things that make you leave your house. Headcannon that he might be a decent ice skater too. He simply enjoys the activities more than the actual holidays.

He won’t mind helping decorate or getting gifts or any other holiday traditions. Actually, if they are fun traditions without much competitive fire, he’ll probably want to do them more.

Although I don’t see him liking the warm ness of cuddling and all that, I can see him enjoying the slight chill in the air. Supportive of any holiday you celebrate, might even try to make more traditions too.

Monoma:

He likes Christmas and the holidays, it’s the perfect time to get the best gifts for his little darling. Oddly enough he loves getting small gifts for you, it makes him feel prideful knowing you like what he got you, so he loves Christmas is general.

As for winter, he likes it! It’s an excuse to get you under the covers and warm you up. That can be taken both ways if ya’ know what I’m saying.

I think he would prefer warm drinks like tea and apple cider over hot chocolate, but hell totally make some for you. Any decorations are also game, just expect some teasing for the childish stuffed animal you keep on the fireplace mantle.

Setstuno:

He is kinda clueless in the sense he just doesn’t know where to start. Like he knows about the basics of holiday traditions, but he doesn’t know if you do those traditions. He’ll be pretty laid back when you get excited about it though. This clingy man will simply sit back and watch the entire time.

Winter isn’t his favorite, but he doesn’t mind being able to hold you close so you won’t be cold. He is very possessive considering what happened to his last lover. He will be perfectly fine with helping with easy things, but when it comes to the more taxing things, he’ll let you take the reins.

He’ll try to buy you a present he thinks you’ll like, but he won’t get too fancy. After all he really just wants to hold you close and soak in your warmth.

Tamaki:

Nervous boy feels most comfortable in winter, at least in his home where he has you to cuddle, bake, and hold. He loves the warmth found in a home, and he will encourage any baking you want to do. It just leaves him with a warm feeling inside when he can bake cookies and brownies with you by his side.

Although he’s all hands on deck when the holidays come along, he’s still nervous about it. He’ll ask questions and make sure everything works how it’s supposed to because he doesn’t want to mess something up for you. Might accidentally go a bit overboard with gifts or other traditional activities.

He just wants to please you though, a real sweetheart when it comes down to it.

Shinsou:

I think Shinsou likes winter because it means spring is on its way. I can see him being a spring loving boy because of all the kittens and flowers blooming. Winter is good though, might be his second favorite season. He loves the blankets and the hot cocoa and the baked goods and the holiday cheer. Especially the gift giving, he likes seeing you happy when he gives you a gift.

He probably won’t be too enthusiastic about any holiday stuff, but he will sure support it and help with anything you need. Need a Christiana’s tree because you can’t have a Christmas without it? You better bet he’ll get it right away.

He loves watching you get excited about the holidays, everything in the house just seems a bit more cheerful because of you. He will wrap you in blankets and jackets and hold you closely in his arms. You also better bet anything you do he will be there to help you. He might not be the most into the holidays, but he surely loves getting ready for the holidays with you.

Aizawa:

Winter is not his favorite season, but I’d say it’s probably second place. He doesn’t do too much, as he simply doesn’t want to put in that much effort in something so minuscule. But, he defiantly encourages his Darling if they want to decorate or bake or something wintery.

Christmas also isn’t really a big thing for him, as he doesn’t usually buy presents for other people. Of course, his Darling is another story. Unlike most people, he buys a few presents for you because you are his special kitten.

He will also help decorate or bake small things if you want to. Hot chocolate is a must, he has a special, bitter hot chocolate just for himself that he loves. You have your sweet beverage and he has his bitter one. Just don’t forget the marshmallows.

Warm cuddles is a blessing to him. When it’s cold he grabs blankets and wraps you up like a baby is a swadle just to hold you close to him. As for other holidays, he will respect them and whatever stuff come with them. Like Hanukkah and the candles for each night. Just don’t expect anything too crazy, he just wants a comfortable holiday evening with you.

Happy Holidays sweethearts!!! I hope you have an amazing whatever you celebrate and if you celebrate nothing, than have a wonderful day!

[pixelrhys]

this has been rotating in my brain at 100 mph and my brain is also like “make this an ask blog” but i already have like 3 ask blogs i need to update orz

anyway grocery store au bc the idea is funny (and also bc i work in a grocery store. the holidays are coming up. im struggling to cope.)

i only have the gym leaders so far but i’ll draw the elite 4 eventually... and maybe some of the side characters too (like riley, cheryl, etc)

anyway here’s the rundown on the gym leaders (also bonus sona):

Roark:

- Unlike how I draw his canon counterpart (decently tall) and unlike his canon self (just having a good time :]), this guy is STRESSED and SHORT.

- applied for this position because it’s away from too much noise.

- Early 20s, autistic, and lives with his dad. Trying to find some college classes though! 

- Has good relationships with all of his coworkers.

Gardenia:

- Easily runs between departments. Floral isn’t very active anyway so it isn’t hard.

- Usually works with Cheryl and they’re BFFs.

- Seems to have a stronger relationship with Candice, Roark and Maylene.

- Mid 20s but she’s getting through it just fine (Or at least that’s what everyone else thinks).

Maylene:

- This is her first job as she just turned the appropriate working age (16).

- HATED that that was the only position she could have. Luckily they won her over with the cart gathering, as she is strong enough to push more than the others.

- Hot-headed and competitive with the other clerks.

- Good friendship with Wake and looks up to him.

Wake:

- VERY nice guy but kinda stupid. Big himbo.

- Somewhere near or in his 40s.

- Can be very loud and tends to pat people roughly on the back as a sign of affection. This often knocks people over because he’s pretty strong. Only Byron and Volkner seem to be able to take the pats well.

- Used to be a wrestler before deciding to move to something less extreme.

Fantina:

- Usually wears makeup and usually looks younger than she actually is. If anything, she’s close to middle-aged.

- Actually LOVES baking, especially little poffin-like pastries. She sometimes brings snacks for her coworkers.

- Still dramatic as hell and has dreams of being famous one day.

- Has an interest in the occult. She enjoys sharing ghost stories and Gardenia isn’t a huge fan of them.

Byron:

- Is the one who managed to help Roark get his job in the first place. Tends to be a little hard on him but only because he knows he has potential and wants him to succeed.

- Has a resting bitch face sometimes but he’s not actually that mean. Gets a little grumpy but other than that he can be cool to hang around. In his mid 40s.

- Good friends with Wake and Fantina. Fantina mostly because her station is right next to his and she tends to talk a lot.

- *hands you a piece of cheese* *hands you a piece of ham* *hands you a piece of cheese* *hands you a piece of ham* *hands you a piece of ch

Candice:

- Her job is to make sure certain items are in stock. She likes to hang out in the giant cooler in the back of the store though.

- Can be a little hyper depending on the day.

- Around her mid 20s like Gardenia.

- Is the one who is getting pins for everyone for their aprons. Not everyone has one yet but she’s working on it.

Volkner:

- Around 30 years old.

- Actually has pretty bad depression but never brings it up because he doesn’t care that much. He’s already on medication.

- Pretty repressed and aloof. Despite this, he isn’t actually a bad guy. Years of mental problems made it hard for him. He still gets along well with his coworkers, especially one of the managers (Flint, who worries about him a lot). Customers don’t seem bothered by his attitude as no one’s complained about it yet.

- Great with electronics. If the cash register breaks, he fixes it no problem. Tends to go overboard when he’s not feeling anything and causes power outages at his house.

AND SONA

Fitzgerald:

- Works in maintenance but sometimes goofs off when no one is looking. Mostly hangs out in the back with Roark or in the breakroom.

- Same age as Roark (Early 20s) and gay as hell.

- His living situation is actually pure shit. He lives in a small, messed up apartment so he never lets anyone come over. Doesn’t bring this up and avoids any questions about it.

- Strong friends with Roark and that’s about it. The others (Especially Byron) think he’s a little too annoying for their tastes (They don’t hate him though, but Byron is watching him like a hawk).

[giogiohcs]

Brothers x Trans man!MC

I didn’t write for Asmo bc I didn’t feel like it😖

Also how am I a trans man yet I sucked at writing this??💀

Lucifer

-When you come out to him, he accepts you, of course, but that doesn’t mean he understands.

-He’s a boomer, a sexy boomer but still a boomer😔.

-He’ll understand the concept of “being born in the wrong body” but if your journey is any different than that, it’ll cause him to be confused but he won’t ever admit that.

-He will need a through talking to, an honest and frank discussion about it, like what you plan to do, will your relationship change? Etc.

-When you mention wanting to get surgery or taking testosterone to change something about yourself, it’s hard for him to come to terms that you’re not doing this because you hate yourself but the opposite. You’re transitioning because you love yourself❤️.

-When he realizes that last point, he’ll be helpful and listen to what you want. He’ll even help you financially to transition if you want to.

-He doesn’t like the thought of you staying extensively on Earth for surgery and recovering but he’ll be patient for you.

-Will be a strict enforcer of your pronouns and new name, if you have one. He’s taking NO shit. A three strike rule? No it’s actually a one strike rule :). Get it wrong once and you’re done for.

-Is he using that one bit as an excuse to punish others especially Mammon? Maybe... He’ll stop if you want him to, but don’t✨.

Mammon

-When you come out to him, he’s confused, very confused.

-Of course, he loves you but he doesn’t understand at all.

-“Why do you want to change? I thought we were fine!?!?” His insecurity will come out when you come out.

-Thinks that you’re coming up with a weird way to break up with him, honestly.

-Along with Lucifer, will also need a talking to. You need to reassure him that you still love him and that your relationship is FINE. Even when he’s being a insecure little baby about it.

-After, he understands why you want to transition and wanting to take testosterone or getting surgery.

-He’ll look up the costs and even if it hurts his very soul, will start saving money to give to you for your next birthday. Expect him to be busy with modeling shoots.

-Will complain about having to memorize your new name and pronouns, if you have one. But suddenly like magic✨ will memorize and get it tattooed to his brain when you tell him that you’ll let him go on a shopping spree if he gets them right.

-Will never admit it but he’s excited to start calling you his boyfriend.

-Also he will brag to his brothers that you came out to him FIRST. He’s your first everything now! Little ego boost, as a treat.

Leviathan

-“We’re just like that one couple in ‘I’m Transitioning and I Don’t Know How To Tell My Demon Lord Boyfriend!’!!!”

-He accepts you and understands that you’re trans, no need for a discussion.

-But that’s AFTER he freaked out when you sat him down and tried to come out to him.

-Just like Mammon, he thought you were gonna break up with him so he didn’t allow you to speak before running away to his room and locking the door.

-🚪🏃🏻💨 🏃💨 WHY ARE YOUR RUNNING? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?

-Reassure him that you still love him and that your relationship won’t change and he’ll be fine❤️.

-Levi is also gonna recommend trans and other queer animes to you.

-He’s trying to be a good boyfriend and order you questionable transitioning stuff from Akuzon.

-Have you gotten a cursed binder from him? Yes.

-Are you still wearing it because you literally can’t take it off? Yeah...

-But does it make you look flat af? 🥴Definitely yes.

-Is Lucifer gonna have to get involved to get you out of the cursed binder? Also yes.

Satan

-Completely understands and accepts you, he’s done extensive research in humans queerness, genders and sexualities

-He’s grateful that you love and trust him enough to come out to.

-Will offer to help you transition, whether it’s helping to convince Lucifer to let you leave Devildom to get hormones and/or surgery or helping you transition with magic 🪄.

-Don’t take the latter option.

-He’ll help you navigate through the nonsense that doctors and counselors try to put you through and speed up your medical transition process.

-“Oh? The doctor said you can’t get testosterone without going through [insert time-consuming bullshit]? Well actually, what he’s doing is considered medical malpractice due to law IQH.175 that was recently passed and it’d be just awful if he got jailed for it :).”

-Very helpful.

-Like Lucifer, a one strike policy is put into place.

-Also like his brother, he’s gonna use it to punish others ESPECIALLY Lucifer.

-Let your man have his fun❤️.

Beelzebub

-Doesn’t understand at all but accepts you. Says if you’re happy, he’s happy.

-Memorizes your new name and pronouns, if you have one, like that *snaps fingers*.

-You thought you were so glad to have just a caring and sweet boyfriend.

-That was until you start talking about transitioning through surgery or testosterone then he gets worried.

-Why would you want to change yourself? You’re already perfect in his eyes.

-...He really doesn’t get it.

-Thinks you want to change yourself because you simply don’t like yourself so he starts viewing transitioning as a bad thing.

-You need to sit down and talk to him about, well, everything.

-You’ll probably need to keep things simple but frank for him. Maybe make a comparison to exercising, a person doesn’t need to hate themselves to start working out right?

-He begins to understand why you do the things or want to do the things you do.

-Beel still views you as perfect no matter what you look like, but starts shifting his complements from “you’re perfect the way you are” to “you’re really handsome.” And complements your changes.

-He’s very proud by how far you’ve come.

Belphegor

-When you sit him down for a serious conversation, he, just like his other brothers, gets worried.

-Are you breaking up with him? Did he sleep away on too many dates? Is it because he killed you before? Etc etc.

-He becomes a cranky baby from all the bad thoughts in his head but then you come out to him.

-He’s surprised but also not really.

-He’s mostly just glad that you weren’t breaking up with him.

-Says he accepts you and just sleeps again.

-Memorizes you new pronouns and name, if you have one, very easily. He loves you after all.

-All’s well that ends well.

-That’s until you needed to go to earth to transition then he become a cranky baby about everything again.

-“Why can’t you do transition here? With magic? It’s so much easier and you won’t have to leave..” He tries to reason with you.

-Starts thinking that you’re just trying to escape from him, to go back to earth where you know he can’t get to you.

-Against all of his fears, he lets you go to earth.

-He has to start cuddling with his brother again because he just misses you so much.

-His heart is broken and honestly thinks that you’re never coming back.

-When you do come back, first time since you left, he’s gotten up from bed just to drag you down with him under the covers.

-You two have a lot of catching up to do.

[yukipri]

Bad Batch end of season thoughts/ramble, bc it's been a week and I just wanna get it all off my chest...

(end of season spoilers and very disorganized rambling)

First off, I do want to say that I enjoyed watching the show. It fulfilled its primary purpose: entertainment. It was nice having something to look forward to every week, and even though it wasn't quite what I was expecting, it was fun. The animation was gorgeous, I liked all the references and tie ins. I will likely watch it again, and will watch season 2. This is by no means meant to be a hate post.

That being said, it is critical so please just skip if you're not into that!

The thing is...it takes very, Very little for me to love a clone. He doesn't need lines, or a face, or even a name, and the default is that I will love him. He can even be a little bastard, like Slick, and it's fine. I always want to know more about them, and wish they had more screen time and time in general to develop their characters. So given that we were getting 16 (20 eps total if we count TCW S7 pilot arc) centered around these guys, I was expecting to absolutely adore them by the end.

And I wanted to love the Bad Batch, I wanted to love them so damn much, and I tried. But I think one of the reasons why they never fully clicked for me was that their thing seems to be "we're unique, we never fit in, we're outsiders in our own home, among the people who are supposed to be our own family, and so we've found our home with each other."

Which! That's usually a wonderful message, and not a particularly rare or unique one either for stories! I usually dig these kinds of stories!

The problem here is the extremely unique situation of the clones. They are literally created to be identical, brain washed to be uniform. They must conform, or are killed off by their creators, and their conformity isn't a choice in the slightest, but one of fear and necessity.

Their uniformity is something that they are also entirely aware of--it's unavoidable, they're clones. Once out in the real galaxy, they all strive to find and establish unique identities for themselves, struggling against a galaxy that just wants them to be faceless products. It's a shared struggle, and all they have are each other, and their brotherhood is sacred as a result. Shunning unique identity is the opposite of who a clone is--it's what they all want.

So on one hand, it's understandable that the Batch stuck out (when all others who would have also stuck out were culled, when individuality isn't allowed). It's understandable that they would have yearned for the brotherhood shared by the other clones, and when they couldn't have it, they stuck closer to each other. It's even understandable that they would feel bitter, having experienced bullying at the hands of the other clones (but isn't it also understandable that the other clones would feel bitter that the Batch gets special treatment, when their own brothers with less-than-beneficial mutations were taken by the Kaminoans to never return?).

And so we have this batch of clones, who the Kaminoans call "mutated," but also specify that their mutations are "desirable" (implying what happens to mutations that are undesirable...). They have their own unique unit, in which they're able to improvise and act freely with seemingly little to no oversight, so long as they complete their mission. No Jedi to obey, no nat-born officers who look down on them. In fact, they look so different from standard clone troopers that most of the galaxy probably don't even know they are clones. They have their own ship (personalized), they have their own possessions (which we don't really see any other clones have), they have their own barracks (probably also very unique), and they even have access to superior weapons and armor (most of the Batch, minus Echo, seem to be wearing modified Katarn-class armor which is supposed to be for Commandos. we KNOW it holds up better than standard trooper armor).

So I'm sure they had some unpleasant experiences growing up, and I do get it. But at least at "present" end of clone wars, they honestly seem to be living infinitely better than all other clones? They still need to follow orders but they have more freedom, and perhaps most importantly, they have clear uniqueness that is denied almost all other clones. And yes, some of the clones on Kamino bully them, but we've seen NONE of the "regular" clones that we know to be particularly nasty to them, and in fact it's Crosshair who starts it by calling them "Regs."

And how does the Batch respond to this situation? By acting superior. It's Crosshair who says and it believes this firmly, and I do feel that the others are likely mostly influenced by this, but it's also true that Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech don't really deny this either. They don't like the "regs," they do act like they're "better." Poor Echo, who they repeatedly seem to forget is in the room, and who they call "machine" and such...yikes yo

So I guess the point is, I just really struggled to feel sympathetic towards them, and was already on a kinda eh about their premise. They're marketed as "the special clone squad"--and yet they're not nice to the clones I love. I thought that wasn't great, but also hoped that the series would work towards them understanding the other clones better, and I love character development so that woulda been fine--but, nothing. A glance from Hunter at Howzer. Extended camaraderie from Gregor, who I feel they mostly just tolerate for the mission, other than Echo who genuinely cares.

And on top of feeling not feeling particularly sympathetic towards what I saw as a pretty privileged group of clones, the Batch seems to place primary blame of their woes on the "regs" themselves, who again, honestly seem far worse off! There isn't blame directed at the people who demanded the conformity from the other clones in the first place, that made it so the Batch couldn't fit in. The Batch was modified due to the Kaminoans (and implied specifically Nala Se). She's the reason why they don't fit in. And the Kaminoans are also why the other clones have to be so uniform, why they must fight to be people and not products.

Bitterness and pettiness can be fine in characters. But it's frustrating to see in a group supposed to be competent and elite, especially when those feelings have consequences. Sure, it sucks when someone throws a food tray at you. You can throw food back. It's not an equal reaction to feel no remorse when you shoot that guy dead in a blaster fight, when for all other clones, having to kill another clone is one of the most horrible, tragic things that one can do (thanks, Umbara).

Fives was the only clone to actually point a blaster at Nala Se.

We know Omega has deeply personal history with Nala Se. She was Nala Se's personal medical assistant. We see her cry when she takes off her head ornament that matches Nala Se. We know that being back in the lab gives Omega complicated, and probably not entirely positive feelings. But we barely learn more about this relationship, other than these glimpses.

And I get the feeling that to Omega at least, Nala Se wasn't all terrible. If Omega grew up with mostly only Nala Se for company, she had to have gotten her sheltered outlook on life, and her willingness to help others from somewhere. Nala Se intentionally let Omega go, to be "safe."

I think Omega's adorable, and I do like her. But I wasn't able to fully love her to the extent I wanted to, because there was always the fear that she was involved in the creation and implantation of the chips. She knows about them, she would have been positioned to do so. I want to think she would never, and I was hoping the show would reassure us of that, but it never did. We don't actually know how Omega feels about Nala Se, or even the chips and their presence in other clones. Instead, all we know is that Omega doesn't like "regs."

And again, "they call me lab scrubber," and "I helped put (or am complicit in putting) mind control devices in their heads," are kinda, unequal. Again I hope it's not the case. But it definitely kept me feeling uneasy throughout the show.

It really boils down to I don't trust or forgive Nala Se, and the Batch's lack of stance against her and the other Kaminoans, and clear distaste for their other clone brothers, really puts them in a situation that makes it difficult for me to take their side entirely.

And then gosh, Hunter. During Crosshair's whole "you never came back for me," spiel, I couldn't help but think he's kinda right. He had 15 episodes. Sure, it's difficult to get Crosshair back. But they could have done something. They could have done research. We could have had scenes of them wondering where Crosshair is, discussions on how best to find him, even if that discussion ended in, "but we can't risk it right now." They could have grilled Omega for information on the chips, which they really shoulda done either way, but especially since that knowledge is important to understanding what (they thought had) happened to Crosshair. Instead, they just ran every time Crosshair showed up. The show could have done better to show that they cared, and were trying, instead of just, y'know, doing chores for Cid. One, "I kinda miss him," doesn't really count as working on getting him back, at least in my books.

The sole exception to all of this, of course, is Echo. Who really, he works with the Batch fine, he's a former ARC and can more than keep up. Skillset-wise, he fits in well enough. But this season really made me wonder why he's with them at all. Crosshair's revelation and true feelings at the end of the season were no surprise to me, as they're consistent with what we've seen of him from TCW S7. But for Echo, a former "reg" to have to work with someone like Crosshair...even if Crosshair thought Echo was "different" enough to accept him, those are his brothers that Crosshair thinks he's so superior to, and has no issue speaking disdainfully about.

The increasing tension between Echo and Hunter, Echo's interest in helping Rex, in helping other clones, in doing something...I do hope they reach a point where Echo demands they go help, or he's leaving.

They gave Crosshair a chance, despite the fact that his choices were willing. I really hope Echo can convince the Batch to help save the other clones who don't have a choice. Because even if the Batch doesn't consider them their brothers, they're certainly Echo's. They matter just as much as Crosshair, and I really hope season 2 shows it narratively.

To conclude, again I'm interested in seeing what happens next, and I want answers about Omega and Nala Se. I find it interesting that they tied the facility where they took Nala Se in with the scientist dude collecting data on Grogu in the Mandalorian and those cloning labs. All of this is interesting, but at the same time I feel like it's trying to build up to Snoke/Palpatine stuff in the sequels which...I don't care nearly as much about, but who knows, could be neat ^ ^;

I'm okay with, and have made peace with the fact that the Bad Batch probably isn't the "clones-centric" show I wanted, and that they'll continue their own story, and probably continue to not care much about other clones in upcoming seasons. That's unfortunate, but alright. I'm interested enough in their story too.

But at the same time...I can't help but think man, if they have the time and budget to do a season 2, after seeing what was (or wasn't) accomplished in season 1...I wish they'd also make a Rex/Cody/Wolffe/"regular clones" show, because in the end, if you're going to do a "clones show"....that's who I want to see most.

If you got to the end, thank you for reading, and being an ear to my ranting ^ ^; Again this is literally just getting this off my chest. If this take isn't one you agree with, please just ignore. For people who did fall in love with the Batch, I'm happy for you, and regret that it just couldn't happen for me. But, I'm hoping that S2 will change my mind, but we'll just have to see! ^ ^;