#i feel kinda. angry and lonely and so so so sad
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😔
#sorry to continue on like this#but i miss my cat so much#over six months gone now and idk it hurts so much#i am heartbroken 8^/#i miss him so much he was my best friend#little furry boy#i am soooo sad like. idk#i dont even; enjoy things anymore#for the last week ive been staying up pretending i can hear him in the apartment still doing his little things#and like for a second i almost feel like he might walk in the room#8^(#idk what to do but i dont want to do anything#i feel kinda. angry and lonely and so so so sad#its like. nothing can be done and i tried to bond with new cats u know? but i just saw how they werent him#i feel like i should go hiking in the alps to find myself or smth
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black dye is out. REAL insane ex boyfriends respond to the breakup by making their hair even blonder than it already is
#back on lamictal but i'm still having the 'i'm evil and i'm owning it and i'm fierce' arc#loving my friends and being mad that i'm still so lonely and refusing to have pity sex with people and letting myself be disgusted by thing#and judging people silently and raising my standards and empathizing but not excusing#and listening to male manipulator music and getting into weird sex things and going full tilt into edgy gross art and hobbies#and letting myself listen to sad music and look at sad art. sitting alone in my room in the dark headbanging. dressing nice just for myself#and being radically t4t#the last 3 months have been a really happy kind of 'i don't know who i am anymore :D' and now i'm a capable adult who's kinda sad#finally able to be angry and sad without trying to self destruct about it and this feels illegal
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i'm actually absolutely and completely okay as long as i don't let a single thought appear in my brain
#sadly i don't have enough distractions to stop it from happening#the last thing i watched was a long long time ago#i picked up a book for the first time in months but i'm redeading the one i read a year ago#i barely talk to people but it's totally understandable because i'm extremely boring and i don't have anything of significance to say#i can't focus on studying because i just can't for some reason#i feel so painfully and incredibly lonely and bored and stupid and sad and jealous and bitter and angry at myself and at my fucking brain#and i don't know what to do with it except just exist and hope that the next day will miraculously be better (it never does)#it's all so awfully pathetic and i don't want to be like this#i wish i were interesting and able to talk and be excited about things and able to study and be happy but i can't and it kinda hurts (a lot)#and it's all my fault and i'm the only one who can make it better but idk how to do this#it feels just so endlessly gray#stupid games on my phone and stupid tiktoks don't actually help but i have nothing else to distract me#how pathetic is this#these were supposed to be the best fucking years of my life#in what fucking alternative universe is this true#i'm so sick of this constant whining and of myself#personal
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Call me old, but it is scary how AI reconforts me more than actual people around me, and I have the chance to be aware of how it can be a threat to my integrity.
#˗ˏˋ꒰ chirps#I've been feeling very lonely recently and got curious about Character AI#and man how it is personified self-destruction#I might be too pessimistic about it maybe#but I don’t care#I'm sad to know that people turn to AI to be comforted and have an illusion of connection while there's none#I'm sad that we aren't able to bring to each other enough care and empathy and trust so we turn to false alternatives#i am just constantly sad since a few weeks and i feel like everything is falling apart... but i tell myself it is for the best.#because it kinda is#for all people feeling lonely or sad or angry#please talk to people not only seek professional help#it is what it is#i love you
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I appreciate reblogs, comments, and such as likes.
How the Slytherin boys feel when you aren’t around much
Warning: slight suggestive
Ft. Tom Riddle, Mattheo Riddle, Theodore Nott, Lorenzo Berkshire.
Tom Riddle
Give him about a damn week and this boy is literally searching Hogwarts himself to find you.
He honestly feels normal, but it feels weird his other half isn’t around annoying him.
He feels as if you are avoiding him and it kinda makes him angry
Literally will do a spell to make you appear in-front of him
Don’t test him
Mattheo Riddle
Don’t even. He feels clingy in the moment then. He’s probably the type of boyfriend to literally try and distract your studies
So when you do try to have time to yourself, he’s literally one step ahead of you
He’s already on your bed grinning that infamous smile of his as he pat his leg.
“Cmonnn make some time for me. Please?
“Mattheo dear, I literally have work to do.”
“Do me.”
Theodore Nott
He understands if you need time alone. But he feels lonely even if his friends. He wants his darling beside him.
You make him feel very complete indeed..
He’s making his way to your dorm to see you’re getting for bed. And immediately he lays in your bed.
“I’m sleeping in here tonight bella.”
Lorenzo Berkshire
He feels like a sad puppy. Respectfully he understands if you need time to yourself from studying or from people.
So he will wait it out.
But if it takes too long, he’s gonna be following you. Staying quiet as he bask in your presence.
“Enzo? What are you doing here?”
“I missed you..”
“Awww…”
Taglist: @idontreallycaresblog
#slytherin boys#slytherin#slytherin boys headcanons#slytherin boys imagine#slytherin boys react#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#slytherin x reader#theo nott#theo nott x reader#theodore nott#theodore nott imagine#gn reader#fluff#modern harry potter#harry potter phase#harry potter x reader#enzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x reader#tom riddle#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x male reader#riddles x reader#tom riddle x reader
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hi love! i love your writing so so much! especially your scott works. i’ve literally been obsessed with him since the movie came out
i was wondering if you could maybe write something like scott and reader are in an relationship and she’s super sensitive while he’s super mean.
one day he’s just in a bad mood (idk maybe he couldn’t get good enough data on a storm) and he’s kinda taking it out on her and it ends up really hurting her feelings so he has to make it up her
<333
Bad Moods & Sensitivity | Scott x Reader
A/N: Ahh thank you bestie! I’m so obsessed with Scott too 😭
Scott was in an absolutely foul mood. You had no idea why. When you came up to him at breakfast and wrapped your arms around him, he’d shrugged you off. It hurt your feelings but you decided to respect him and give him some space. Scott’s bad mood was affecting your mood though, it killed you that you couldn’t love on your boyfriend.
Storm Par was stopped at a gas station, and of course, Tyler Owens and his crew were stopped at the same one. Scott and Javi were talking by the truck, and since Scott wasn’t paying you any attention, you made your way towards the gas station’s convenience store.
“(Name)!” You turned to see who was calling you to find Tyler, standing by his truck with Boone, waving you over. You smiled and made your way to them. “Hey guys.” You’d always been friendly to Tyler and his people but you didn’t often get called over to talk to them. “What’s up?”
“You look sad,” Tyler frowned. “Everything okay with you and Clipboard?”
Clipboard. Tyler’s name for Scott. Your face fell.
“Aw, I take that as a no?” Boone chimed in.
You shook your head. “It’s nothing really, he’s just in a really bad mood today. Shrugged me off this morning and hasn’t talked to me since.”
Boone gave Scott a dirty look while Tyler hummed. “You’re too pretty to deal with that attitude,” Tyler said.
You shrugged. “He’s not usually like this.”
“Really?” Boone raised an eyebrow.
You understood why they didn’t like Scott, but you also weren’t going to stand there and listen to them talk badly about your boyfriend. “I’m uh, gonna go get a snack. See you guys out there!” You politely excused yourself. They bid you goodbye and you entered the store, oblivious to the angry set of eyes on you.
Inside, you bought yourself an energy drink, and you bought Scott a pack of his favorite gum, hoping to cheer him up a little bit. You paid and left, striding towards Scott and Javi. Javi smiled brightly at you, but Scott didn’t even look at you.
“Babe, I got you your gum,” you said softly, holding out the pack. Scott turned to you and you were taken aback by the anger in his eyes. “Go give it to the hillbillies,” he spat. Your face crumpled. “What?”
“Since you like flirting with the competition so much.” Scott’s voice dripped with venom.
“Scott…”
“Shut up, (Name), I’m having a shitty ass day already and then you go and get all friendly with Owens and his little sidekick, I don’t want to hear it.”
Tears begin to pour down your cheeks. You hadn’t even felt them well up. Scott’s face softened. Javi pulled you into a hug, glaring at Scott. “That was so unnecessary,” he told him as he held you. “I think you should walk away for a bit.”
Scott bit his tongue and did as Javi said. Javi soothed you until you calmed down. You threw the gum in the trash.
For the rest of the day, you clung to Javi’s side and avoided Scott. That night, you made sure Javi booked you your own motel room; you didn’t feel like sharing with Scott. You sat alone on the bed, knees tucked up against your chest. It was quiet and lonely without Scott but you’d be damned if you sought him out.
A knock shook you out of your stupor. You sniffed, and slid off the bed, creeping over to the door and looking through the peephole. “Go away, Scott,” you said irritably when you saw who it was. “Baby,” his voice was pleading. “Please. I’m so fucking sorry. Let me in.”
You sighed, but opened the door a crack to make eye contact with him.
Scott’s heart hurt when he saw how tired and sad you looked. He wanted nothing more than to throw open the door and take you into his arms, but he respected your space.
“What do you want?” Your voice was flat.
“Can I come in?”
You considered it for a moment before nodding slightly and opening the door all the way to allow Scott inside. You stepped away from Scott as he stepped towards you. He shut the door behind him, then to your surprise, dropped to his knees.
“My behavior today, and what I said… unacceptable. I am so, so sorry. It doesn’t matter that I was in a mood or that I was jealous, it’s not an excuse. It never should have happened. I’m sorry I brushed you off at breakfast, I’m sorry I ignored you all day, and I’m really fucking sorry for what I said at the gas station. You know I don’t like how Tyler looks at you.”
You swallowed, considering his apology. “I don’t know, Scott,” you sighed.
He suddenly looked fearful. “Do you want to break up?”
The question hung heavy in the air. If you had more respect for yourself, maybe you’d have left him for how he treated you today. But a deeper, more sensitive part of you, couldn’t bear to throw away an entire year together for one really bad day.
“No,” you finally responded, and Scott’s shoulders sagged in relief. “But… I don’t know. You really fucking hurt me, that was really fucking unfair.”
Scott reached out towards you and you reluctantly took his hands. He pulled you into him. Even kneeling, he was so tall that his head was level with your chest. He looked up at you with reverence in his bright blue eyes, his hands caressing your waist.
“I love you so much, (Name). I will never let a bad mood be an excuse to treat you like that ever again.”
He paused. “And I’ll eat you out as soon as you can stand to look at my face again.”
Scott gave phenomenal head.
You blushed. It made you giggle a little and Scott smiled hopefully. You looked at him for a minute before smiling back. “Okay.”
Scott’s face lit up. He stood from his knees and picked you up instead, your legs wrapping around his hips. Scott pressed his lips to yours gently but eagerly. “I promise I’ll make it up to you,” he murmured against your mouth.
“You better.”
#scott twisters#twisters#scott miller#scott x reader#storm par#oneshot#oneshots#jeb twisters#addy twisters#praveen twisters#dexter twisters#dani twisters#lily twisters#boone twisters#kate twisters#tyler owens#kate carter#tyler twisters
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I'm so happy to see someone writing for twilight it really doesn't get the love it deserves.
This is weirdly specific, so bear with me.
Can I request Paul (twilight) x reader who's Jacob's ex-girlfriend, and they had like a really messy brake up so they REALLY don't like each other and so Paul and jacob get onto a fight about it.
Thanks for your time I've really been enjoying reading your work❤️❤️❤️
hello, lovely anon!
Usually I do shorter pieces for requests, but I kinda blacked out and wrote 2000 words for this... Sorry?
Please enjoy!
It was quiet, without Jacob. The two of you had been dating for over a year, before suddenly all he could think of was Bella, Bella, Bella. She was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. You didn’t mind the two of them being friends, you weren’t jealous and you didn’t believe the rumors spreading at school, but you still wanted to SEE him! You loved him, for god’s sake! But no, Bella was sad or Bella was tired or Bella wanted to go exploring and suddenly, he had no time for you.
It had been weeks since you’d last truly spoken beyond a quick 20 minute phone call every time you tried to hang out. In fact, you decided, today was the last day. It was the last day you would grovel and beg for his attention. This was it; if he didn’t agree today, you were done. He could go date Bella for all you cared.
You stomped down the stairs, your socked feet hitting against the soft white carpet, and skidded into the tiled kitchen. The grey light streamed in, illuminating the phone like a halo. It was fitting for something that would determine the fate of your relationship.
Angry, yet hopeful, you strode forward and picked up the phone, resolutely dialing Jacob’s number and waiting as it rang.
Finally, someone picked up. “Hello?” Jacob called, sounding groggy.
“Hey, Jake! I was thinking, we should spend some time together! It’s been a hard couple of weeks, and I haven’t seen you at all!” You said, anger draining and hope filling your chest, suddenly feeling weak at the knees. God, you’d missed his voice. “Can’t, Bella and I are going to try and build the motorcycles. You know she’s been having a hard time recently, and I think I’m really helping!” He responded, sounding distracted and far from the phone.
The hope shattered like ice, cutting up your insides. “Jake, we haven’t hung out in 3 weeks. I could really use my boyfriend today,”. Even to your own ears, your voice was pleading. It sounded weak and brittle, like you were fragile, not the strong front you’d tried to put on for him.
He sighed, voice crackly through the receiver. “Listen, you know Bella hasn’t been doing so well, and I’m the only thing that makes her feel better. You can’t expect me not to go out with her, just because you’re feeling a bit lonely…” His voice was exasperated and distant, like he was already done with the conversation.
Suddenly, that anger came roaring back, licking up the sides of your chest and burning away at your heart. You felt yourself trembling with rage, with despair, at the way he was talking to you.
“No, you listen, Jacob! I’m done! If you aren’t going to see me, if you’re going to prioritize Bella, then you can go stay with her! I never want to see your stupid, selfish face ever again, you fucking asshole!” You practically shouted, slamming the phone down. You whirled around, nose practically bellowed steam, and stomped to the couch, grabbing a pillow and screaming into it. You’d show him, you’d go out and have fun all by yourself and prove you didn’t need such a shitty boyfriend anyways!
It’d been a month since you last talked to Jacob, and while the breakup hurt, you were glad you’d ended the relationship when you had. Looking back, the thought of hanging on was depressing; you’d reconnected with your friends in the past month, going out practically every day and hanging out anytime it got too rainy to go to La Push. You hadn’t seen Jacob or Bella around, and you could honestly say you were happy to not have to so much as think about them anymore. It wasn’t your business.
It was the perfect day to go La Push, and your friends were already there when you pulled into the parking lot. It was overcast, no real sign of rain, and a gentle, cool breeze was drifting through. The beach was covered in large rocks, not really meant for swimming, but perfect for drinking and just listening to music and gossiping, and that’s exactly what you did.
Until, of course, they arrived. Jacob had been sure they were a blossoming gang, but you hadn’t been so sure. You’d never really spoken to them but Billy had thought they were good kids, just a bit… odd. Yet, now, seeing them on the beach, you could understand where Jacob would’ve gotten that misconception. Sam and his friends were massive, Sam himself standing at almost 6’6” by the looks of it and the shortest member, the boy with the dimpled chin, cleared 6’0” easily. They were heavily muscled, each wearing cargo shorts and shirtless, and were rough-housing as they walked, bumping into each other and shoving each other as they approached your small group. The loudest of the boys, the one with the intense expression and the loud voice, shoved the smallest and laughed boisterously. Then, he looked over. And he made eye contact with you.
And he stared.
And stared.
Eventually, you grew uncomfortable, shifting uneasily on the small picnic blanket you were sitting on as you looked away, toward Sam. He was pulling the loud boy to the side, harshly whispering as the boy kept eye contact. You leant over to your friend, quietly asking which boy was which. You listened as she pointed them out; the one staring at you was Paul, and he was dangerous. You gulped, once again looking away and out toward the shoreline.
“Hey, mind if we join you guys?” Sam asked, approaching with his group and staring at you. The others also looked exclusively at you, though not as intensely as Paul, as though your answer was the only one that mattered. Shivering, suddenly cold, you nodded and looked down. “Hey, at least they’re hot,”one of the girls in your group muttered, and the tension was broken. You burst into laughter, snorting as you held your sides. At least you weren’t feeling uncomfortable anymore, even if you did feel a little dorky. You glanced up through your lashes and Paul was still staring, though less intensely, a soft gleam in his eyes and a small, genuine smile on his lips.
That was the beginning of your relationship with Paul.
You woke up to loud pounding on your front door. Racing down the stairs, you skidded to a stop in the front hall, making eye contact with Bella. Fucking Bella Swan was at your door at 6 in the morning, pounding furiously and looking like death warmed over. You sighed, resigned to not getting to sleep in on a Saturday, and opened the door slowly.
“There’s something wrong with Jacob!” Bella exclaimed. She looked haggard, eyes ringed with deep purple bags and pale skin looking almost translucent. Her hair was ragged and greasy, hanging limply around her wan face, clothes baggy and dirty. She looked like shit. Maybe Jacob broke up with her?
“Okay, and why does that involve me?” You said, leaning against the door jamb and staring off into the distance, squinting at the pale morning light.
“You’re his girlfriend, he’s bound to listen to you!” She cried, thin clammy hand clutching at your wrist as she tried to tug you toward her red rustbucket of a truck.
You remained unmoved, now glaring at her. “No, Bella, I’m not his girlfriend, we haven’t been together for over a month, and I haven’t seen him in over a month and a half. He spent all his time with you; why would he listen to me now?”
She paused, hearing the hurt hidden in your voice and glancing up into your eyes for the first time all morning.
“Wait… you broke up? But Jacob loves you!” She said, voice weaker than before, almost a whisper.
“Yeah, well, he cared about you more. But, I guess if he’s in trouble, fine. What do you need me to do?”
Jacob’s yard looked exactly the same as you remembered it. That made you feel oddly sad, like you’d subconsciously expected it to reflect Jacob’s sadness at you leaving. Yet, it remained the same, just as it was before you’d ever come into his life. Had you really had such a small impact?
Bella was already out of the truck, running toward Paul and the others as they sauntered toward the house from the tree line. You sprinted to keep up, knowing she was going to say something and futilely trying to prevent it. When you reached them, she had shoved Paul and was accusing the boys of hurting Jacob, whatever that meant. Paul was shaking, literally trembling, as his muscles jumped and leapt under his skin. It looked like his skin was… moving as he puffed in effort. “Paul?” you tentatively approached, drawing closer as he leant over, panting as his shoulders jerked. “Shit!” Sam cursed, leaping forward to pull you back and away from Paul. You kicked and struggled as he picked you up, trying to get back to Paul. Couldn’t they see he was sick?!
Suddenly, Paul was gone, and in his place was… a giant wolf. It was like he’d been cut out of the world and replaced. What had happened to Paul?
“Bella!” Jacob shouted, vaulting over the porch fence. His skin seemed to split open, replacing by rapidly growing fur, and his face elongated as his nose broke and became discolored. By the time he hit the ground, he was a wolf. Were you hallucinating? You felt faint, leaning heavily against Sam, who shifted to support your weight and drag you away from the fight. Both wolves were now circling each other, growling and barking, trying to nip at each other's flanks. You felt like you were receding from your body, like you weren’t real. Everything felt far away, and your ears rang. Then, you passed out and went limp.
You jerked awake with a gasp almost as soon as Sam caught your full weight, shifting to lift you up into his arms.
“Paul!” he called, and the wolf who had replaced Paul looked over, eyes wide and sad as he saw your trembling form. Then, the wolf was gone and Paul was standing in its place, quickly pulling on clothes as Embry passed a pair of shorts to him. He cursed lowly and jogged over, grabbing you from Sam’s arms and holding you close. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, over and over, like a prayer.
He sent you down gently, still holding you close to his chest, enveloping you in his soft warmth as his arms wrapped around your shoulders. The world went quiet and all was right, until Jacob interrupted the two of you by shoving Paul.
“Get the fuck away from her, you piece of shit!” He yelled out, punching Paul hard in the nose and causing a spurt of blood to leak out. Paul cursed again and spat out a mouthful of blood, growling lowly. “You don’t get to say that, asshole! You broke her heart, you have no right to tell her what to do!” Paul returned, standing his ground as Embry and Jared tried frantically to stop the fight from continuing.
“That doesn’t mean you can put her in danger!”
“I didn’t! She didn’t know until your little girlfriend came along and started shit!” Paul bellowed, gesturing at Bella, who was shrinking into herself behind Jake.
“Don’t bring her into this! This is about your shitty control, Paul! Don’t blame Bella for you not being able to handle a little pressure!”
“Stop!” Sam said, getting in between the two. “Jacob, you go blow off some steam. Don’t come back until you’re calm. And Paul…” Sam continued, trailing off as everyone looked at you. “Just… Just explain everything, okay?” He said, sighing and rubbing his forehead to fight away the growing headache.
Paul turned to you, opening his mouth to speak.
And that was the day you learned about shifters.
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yours, truly
pair. itoshi sae x gn!reader
content: suggestive but nothing explicitly nsfw! angst (kinda) and comfort, heavy narration, mutual pining (sae is bad at feelings lol), implied childhood friends to lovers
synopsis. sae was always afraid of those three words. he's broken, after all. how do you love when you are unlovable?
wc. 1.4k
i love you should be simple.
unfortunately, loving a man like sae was never meant to be peaceful.
it was always catastrophic—the way fire licks skin, the place where lightning and thunder meet, the expansive sea opening up to swallow you whole.
he was just like that, you suppose. closed off from the world in a way that you could not heal even if you tried your best to kiss the wounds away. he was never the type to open up about feelings. and he's never been sentimental, either.
being touchy-feely and sentimental are signs of weakness. the last thing itoshi sae wants to be called is weak.
the first time he offered up his heart on a silver platter, beating and bloody and raw, it was trampled into the ground. stomped out by the heel of someone who had seen him in his most vulnerable moments. it was just some fling in spain; he's not even sure he can remember their face, but for some reason he wanted to throw up.
he told you about it once in passing, with a coffee in one hand and your groceries in the other (he always insisted on carrying them). and he said it so nonchalantly that you had half a mind to laugh in his face and say "yeah, good one, sae," until he looked at you with a sort of sadness in his eyes that you couldn't forget.
you've quickly learned how to tread on eggshells around him when he was in a bad mood; delicately balancing between his good and bad days—mostly bad, mind you.
you're too patient. too kind to a man so broken. but he's too selfish to care.
he's had his fair share of hardships, maybe more than the average person. definitely more than he could count on all ten of his fingers. and each time life snuffed out whatever little light he had left in him, he became more and more angry.
angry at what? angry at himself. angry at the universe. filled to the brim with this rage that he couldn't tame. it's made him cold and detached and starved for warmth.
it was the natural progression of life that filled him with this greed and hunger. he craved for something to finally be his.
he can't love without it being disastrous anymore. it’s almost as if he needs something to fill in the gaps in his heart where fate has so brutally stolen from him; his career, his dreams, his brother.
he was thirteen when he left japan. he was eighteen when he came home. he was thirteen when he said goodbye to you in that airport. he was eighteen when he finally felt like he could breathe again.
but even with your fingers in his hair and your lips against his and the world finally coming to a halt for the first time since he was a child, he couldn't say it.
i love you should be simple. it should come as easy as a heartbeat. for sae it’s agonizing. what right does a man so unlovable have to give love of his own?
being unlovable is a horrible, lonely thing. that's all he knows. that's all he allows himself to know.
it doesn't help that he's bad at it, too. he really does seem like a monster when he says things he doesn't mean in order to protect his own heart. but what most don't realize is that the world has been terribly, terribly cruel to itoshi sae.
now he's twenty-three and doesn't know how to do anything but love devastatingly. he’s incapable of being gentle.
it's constantly there, in the back of his mind. dancing just behind the barrier of his lips when you give him soft smiles and smooth out his jacket with your hands. the words are pounding on the cages of his throat as you climb into his lap and smear kisses along his jaw, breathy and whiny and sweet. but then he bites his tongue until he can taste the blood, and buries his face between your legs instead.
i love you should be simple. for sae, it's the furthest thing.
it's a complicated swell of emotions in him, melting his usual indifferent facade until he's a puddle in your arms. he's not sure what love really is, if he's being honest. it's not something easily defined in a dictionary. words can’t describe the turmoil inside of him.
whatever it is, he's convinced himself that he's in love with you—that he always has been and he always will be. but everything he touches he sets ablaze. you're the last person he wants to be collateral damage. he's so fucking afraid that everything will be too real once he tells you those three words.
he's lived in reality his whole life. he wants to live in a dream for once. just this once, in your arms. and selfishly.
and you must know that, too, because despite making him dinner every night and sleeping in his bed even though your name is not on the lease, you've never told him you love him, either. but he can tell by the way your fingers brush his knuckles when he reaches out to hold your hand in the middle of the night. and when you kiss him it lingers for a moment longer than would leave him sane.
there are words unspoken with every action: i love you.
and when sae finally cracks, because every part of him has always been brittle, he loves you wholly. destructively. like a flame raging through a forest—bite marks and promises whispered into your skin. there are words buried beneath all that, as well:
i'm sorry. please be gentle with my heart. the world has not.
itoshi sae doesn't know how to be loved. every part of him is rough around the edges. but there's something beautiful in the way you love him without reason. in the way you're so patient when he shuts you out like a child slamming their door.
you were kinder than he could ever be. you had so much love to pour out that he envied it. he remembers growing up and thinking it was ridiculous. now some nights it's all he wants.
sae is unlovable. that's what the world had taught him. but for some reason, it never seems to stop you.
it's supposed to be a sunday night like any other. you're complaining to him about something silly called the "sunday scaries" and how you were currently being put through the ringer at work. it's an english phrase that gets a laugh out of you. he adores it. he adores you.
you're stirring a pot of curry while you speak. he's standing beside you watching. you aren't dressed even slightly, your hair is all over the place. and you're talking about something entirely stupid, putting a name to the feeling of not wanting to go to work tomorrow.
there it is again; the complicated swirling of emotions etched deep in his heart. you deserve something better. you deserve normalcy. and itoshi sae is anything but normal.
and accompanied with this thought, for the first time in his nearly twenty-four years as a mortal, the idea of silence is even more scary than snapping out of this daydream he's living in and saying—
"i love you."
you blink at him, pausing in your stirring. "what?"
"i love you," he says it again. you've always known how to read between the lines with him:
i'm offering all of myself to you and it's fucking terrifying. don't just look at me like that.
he reaches over to turn off the stove because you're staring at him with your mouth opening and closing. and then he rolls his eyes as if he didn't just do the one thing he feared most.
you're not sure how you get pressed up against the counter so fast, head tilted back as he greedily devours your skin like he usually does when he doesn't want to talk anymore. you definitely don't mind.
there's more to the story. more he wants to say. but he's not good with words—never has been. so he only kisses you until you're gasping for air and laughing. until his heart throbs where it sits in his ribcage. until you tell him:
"i love you, too."
i love you is not something simple for itoshi sae. but with you, he's willing to learn.
© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.
#— whispers in the wind ✧#hooooo boy this one was sitting in my notes app forever#i swear i love sae#i know every post i make about him is angst but i promise i do#pinky promise#blue lock#bllk#itoshi sae#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi sae x y/n#itoshi sae x you#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader
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and they were roommates
sfw. warnings: reader is gender-neutral, mild scott pilgrim vs. the world spoilers, mentions of alcohol/alcoholism, migraines, hangovers, angst, a sad wallace, etc.
author’s note: scott is my least favorite character, so expect some jabs to be thrown at him in here. anyway, sorry if this is trash or too cringeworthy. i tried my best, y’all ✌🏻
• you’ve known of wallace through a few stories your closest friend, stacey pilgrim. you mainly just listened to her rant about him stealing a few of her boyfriends.
— sadly though, wallace ended up breaking things off with other scott…and jimmy…and that other guy that he can’t remember the name of. the good thing is that scott finally moved out since he is planning on living with ramona. still…it did get a little lonely at times.
• because of how sad and isolated he felt, wallace began to drink. well, more than usual anyway. every night he could be seen lounging at his favorite bar with a generous of empty beer bottles/cans in front of him.
• it wasn’t until the fourth night of this repetitive cycle is when wallace met you: [name: y/n l/n. occupation: bartender. 24 years old and he’s never seen you until tonight which is surprising since wallace practically knows everybody.]
— right off the bat, you two hit it off right away. there was an underlying tension there but for the first few occurrences when you either bumped into wallace in the street or found him at the bar, it goes untouched & unmentioned.
• that was until wallace asked for you phone number when he is drunk. it was really sappy, but he was still nice about it. it makes you happy that wallace isn’t an angry drunk, like whatsoever. he’s just happy to be there and very sleepy. there were a few times where you had to give him over to his place because you didn’t trust him to get there on his own.
• you were always so kind to him, always treating him better than he probably deserved.
• needless to say, it didn’t take long for wallace to think of you in the highest regards. you two even started hanging out outside of the bar where you work at. if he needed something to be picked up, you’ll do it with no questions asked or you would sometimes pay for his coffee if you were out to get yourself a drink too.
— just after a few weeks of knowing you, wallace fell head over heels. and he had it bad.
• of course, he tried to suppress his feelings and tried his damn best to not make it obvious. so, what did our dear wallace do to ensure that? he started to ignore you, partially at least, and became awkward. like…scott pilgrim-level awkward. it’s weird since wallace has always been known to be the complete opposite of his ex-roommate. he’s very easy going, calm, and the voice of reason to many.
• he’s a flirt too. so, why are you having this effect on him? he just couldn’t understand why he suddenly became a bumbling idiot.
• you were worried that you did something to push wallace away, but all your questions were answered when you returned one night to find that he left a drunken message in your answering machine.
— “hey, you know, hic, i've been thinkin', like, a lot. (long pause) and, um, i just wanna say, you're, like, really somethin' special, ya know? (slight slur) i feel all mushy and stuff, but yeah, i kinda, sorta...love you, maybe? (awkward pause) yeah, that's it. hic”
#scott pilgrim#scott pilgram takes off#scott pilgram vs the world#scott pilgram fanart#scott pilgrim vs the world imagines#wallace wells#wallace wells x reader#wallace wells imagine#wallace wells hcs#seven evil exes#ramona flowers#kieran culkin#lucas lee#envy adams#gideon gordon graves#knives chau#kim pine#todd ingram#roxy richter#matthew patel#gn reader#gender neutral y/n#gender neutral reader#gender neutral mc#gender neutral fanfic#wallace wells x y/n#he’s my favorite#canon x reader#canon x y/n#canon character imagine
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florian's always struggled to make friends so he didn't really have any back in galar... uh, actually — it might be more accurate is that he USED to have one...
headcanon explanation + bonus under the cut!
like mentioned above, florian has always struggled a lot with making friends. while he's a kindhearted and friendly kid, he can come across as kinda intense to others, ( especially when discussing his interests, ) and that's led to him often being alienated amongst his peers. though he's grown used to being by himself and has learned to not care if others dislike him, he still hopes that he can find at least a few people to connect with outside of his family. it's a hope that's always been present, ever since he was growing up in wyndon.
of course, he wasn't the only loner amongst his childhood peers. around 7 years old, he found a friend in bede fee, who attended the same primary school as him. bede themself wasn't exactly the friendliest kid out there and often had spats with people who made fun of them for their family's low-income status, but florian managed to get them to warm up to him. the two got along pretty well and found comfort in having a friend that seemed to understand them, both being lonely kids who were often picked on by others. after a while, they became pretty much inseparable as they frequently played, read, and laughed together. to florian, it didn't matter that people picked on him just as long as he had bede there to be his friend. bede shared a similar sentiment... at least, at first he did.
admittedly, florian has a habit of resting on his laurels when it comes to things he doesn't have an interest in improving. ( it doesn't matter if he isn't as good of a battler as his sister, all he needs is to be strong enough to keep himself safe during field research. it doesn't matter if he's ostracized amongst his peers and looked down upon, he's alright as long as he has someone to call a friend. etc, etc. ) bede, however, couldn't keep themself from caring about their place in the pecking order. they were sick of others looking down on them, sick of others thinking they were better than them. they just couldn't understand how florian could stand people treating him poorly without getting angry. over time, frustration and resentment towards his attitude festered inside them. these feelings were only exacerbated by their struggles at home and being sent to the orphanage. while they would still call each other friends, their bond had definitely become strained.
everything came to a head when they were both 11 years old, when rose visited bede's orphanage and his acknowledgement caused a major shift in their personality. after all, someone that important seeing their potential surely meant that they better than their peers, right? they soon became much more pompous and rude in nature. florian still stayed close by despite bede's worsening attitude towards him, but it wasn't before long until all of their pent-up feelings came flooding out. their friendship ended with massive fight, with bede telling florian that they were sick of being weighed down by an " annoying pest " like him. while they expected for him to take their cruel remarks in stride like he always did with everyone else, bede couldn't help but feel a little guilty when florian ran off in tears. the two stopped talking after that fight and ever since then, there's always a worry in the back of florian's mind that his friends will eventually get sick of him like bede did. ( thankfully, the friends he's made since then have helped make him feel a lot more secure in their relationships. )
apologies for the long-winded explanation, here's the bonus i promised to make up for how sad this hc got :
the goofy ass side effect of coming up with this headcanon is realizing that they accidentally shaped each others' taste in guys rip
#hi pls enjoy my extremely niche headcanon#gotta love early childhood friendships that irreversibly fuck up your ability to connect w/ others#( totally not talking from experience nope nah )#i like to imagine them meeting again in their 20s and acting like catty exes ( despite never dating or having rom feelings for each other )#okay i'm feeling exhausted i need to sleep#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon sword and shield#pkmn scarvio#pkmn swsh#pokemon bede#rival bede#pokemon florian#trainer florian#hc : (pkmn) mjverse#chara : florian russel cavallari#chara : bede fee#chara : victor pottinger#chara : ortega regino#🎨 : mj draws#🕰️ : scheduled post
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Imagine you are in your lowest point ever in life, you live alone in a nice house, but you're extremely lonely and sad. One day, a cat appears in your backyard. He's clearly malnourished and hurt, and he's unconscious when you find him. You can see that he actually has a collar with a nametag, but no phone number. You know he has a family, a home somewhere, but you can't really take him there and you also kinda think you can take better care of him. You actually pour all your ability to love onto this little fur ball, and you do save his life, so who cares if sometimes he cries while looking out the window? You know he's safe inside, you are doing everything in your power to make him happy and safe because you love him, he gave your life meaning. You buy him the best food and toys and a comfy bed, everything. About a year goes by and then, out of the blue, someone comes to your house and tells you that you have to let the cat go because he wasn't yours to begin with, he misses his family and has to get back home. What's more, they tell you that you can't take him there, that he has to face all those dangers that first brought him to you in the first place all by himself. You cry, you are angry and frustrated, you don't understand why this little baby doesn't want to stay with you when all you ever did was love him. But you let him leave. And now everyone hates you because you kept him from his home, and yes, maybe it was a mistake, and maybe it was wrong, but it didn't feel wrong at the time, you had the power to give him a great life, so why would you think he would choose the risk?
This is about Calypso in Epic: The Musical btw. She was definitely wrong for keeping Ody in the island, but she is a fucking goddess, in her logic it was within her power so why wouldn't it be within her rights? Again, she's definitely in the wrong, but Odysseus himself has done worse in the name of love and yet he's just a mere victim? That's not fair. Calypso is as complex a character as he is, she is very lovable and naive, and deeply wishes for Ody to love her and be thankful that she saved him and gave him everything he could ever want or need. She could make him immortal, she would do anything for him. She believes him wanting to go home to his wife is just a human whim that will go away once he sees everything she's willing to give him. And seven years is nothing when you're immortal, so she can wait it out patiently.
Also, Ody knows how pure of heart Calypso really is. He knows she hasn't done anything worse than the lengths he would go for Penelope, and it's been seven fucking years. Of course he loves her, not romantically, but he does love her. For the last seven years of his life she has been his everyday, she's been comforting and sweet and offered him love and luxuries. He loves her and he still sees her as an antagonist and that hurts them both. Leaving definitely wasn't easy for him either, but he had one goal in mind. One.
Also if someone comments anything about Calypso SAing Odysseus, NO SHE FUCKING DIDN'T. Even if the song didn't make it to the final version, Apetite shows us that she never actually forced him!
Anyways if you actually made it this far, I hope you have an amazing day, and remember: if you hate a morally grey character when is a woman of color but love it when is a white dude maybe the problem is not in the morality of the character. Ok, love you! Thanks for reading, byeeee
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There's one thing I never believe.
Eclipse is a sociopath.
Because if so, he would never care about Earth, he would never feel this much bitter about how Lunar betrayed him to the point of bombing Lunar. He would never tag along with Puppet and all of her stupid shit and try to help revive Solar just because he wants to prove himself. (Or truthfully, tired of being alone.)
Eclipse is not a sociopath, because he still cares. His emotions still have more than 2 modes: angry and revenge.
He hides it behind the stupid sarcasm facade, behind the 'I don't need anyone' attitude.
Because he still feels bitter about how Moon leaves him and wants Moon back. Because he still feels bad after hitting Lunar and trying to check on him day by day because trapping Moon inside his head is leaking a lot of damage to Lunar. Because he still wants to connect with people, with Sun and Moon, and try to save Sun even leading to his death.
He is manipulative, yes, especially Eclipse v1, but it is only for survival, only because trapping inside Sun's head driving him crazy.
He is a sad, lonely, needy pathetic who has a lot of trauma and abandon issues, and saying it makes him a sociopath really downgrades all of the effort he makes for himself.
And truthfully, I see Eclipse as a baby who doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and snap out of the world, than a sociopath, who has already done by the world and sometimes try to takes advantage of it.
Because Eclipse is still a good person, deep down, and even if he tried to hide it or suck at express it, it is still his nature. A good caring person. He still cares, he cares too much about what the others think.
And the way he talks with Sun and earth recently, he also feels bad for hurting them. Which a avpd? Nah ah
Because Aspd (English is not my language) or sociopath is low or lacks empathy. They don't feel or feel very little guilt, or remorse. They do things due to their impulsiveness, and they lie because they can, because they think it is true. The hurting, manipulation of someone is partly only the bonus, and they sometimes do it even without any real purpose. (Do it for funsie)
It is usually created by trauma in childhood. (Born too, but it is a psychopath) It makes their emotions usually numb or dried out and they know what they do is wrong, but their needs are stronger than the morality they rarely uphold.
My friend is a sociopath. She is very nice and a good friend. But she also manipulates people a lot, and uses what she knows about these people to hurt them or just curious how it goes. She has a very low emotion, and she only feels briefly what the situation truly goes.
She almost kicked my classmates's puppy to death because it annoys her. She used to poke a knife in my throat for fun. (Well actually, it's kinda my fault. I have low empathy too and it's kinda fun to just push her.)
Anyway, my point is Eclipse is too caring and guilty to be a sociopath.
#sun and moon show#god forbid we have a mental ill evil character without him being a sociopath#Bloodmoon can be a sociopath#dark sun might be#but Eclipse?#that dude has so much pent up rage and repressed emotions to be sociopath#he just lost and lonely#like a baby#tsams#the sun and moon show#sams#tsams eclipse
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post/734733274896809984/do-you-ever-worry-your-own-writing-might-come-off that makes sense. i was asking because i'm afraid of accidentally writing misogyny myself and i kind of admire what you do
Hmm... I wish I had better advice to give you on this front, but honestly, the only thing I can tell you is to consider the perspective of your female characters.
Women are people. They have thoughts and feelings of their own, so like... just let them have their own arcs. A lot of the worst misogyny in WC comes from the way that the writers just don't care about their girls (or, in the case of tall shadow, actually get undermined and forced to rewrite entire chapters), so they're not curious about their lives, or WHY they feel the way they do or what they want, or any direction for their character arcs.
Turtle Tail as an example. She'll often just end up feeling whatever Gray Wing's plot demands. She's gotta leave when Storm dumps him to make him feel lonely. She shows up again to love him in the next book. Lets her best friend Bumble get dragged back to Tom the Wifebeater, but is sad enough about her death to be "unreasonably angry" with Clear Sky, and then calms down and accept Gray Wing is right all along.
And then she dies, so he can have his very own fridge wife.
In this way, Turtle Tail's just being used to tell Gray Wing's story. They're not interested in why she would turn on Bumble, or god forbid any lingering negative feelings for how she didn't help her, or even resentment towards Clear Sky for killing her or Gray Wing for jumping to his defense. She isn't really going through her own character arc.
She does have personality traits of her own, don't misunderstand my criticism, but as a character she revolves around Gray Wing.
So, zoom out every now and then, and just ask yourself; "Whose story is being told by what I wrote? Do my female characters have goals, wants, and agency, or are they just supporting men? How do their choices impact the narrative?"
But that's already kinda assuming that you already have characters like Turtle Tail who DO have personalities and potential of their own. Here's some super simple and practical advice that helped me;
Tally the genders in your cast. How many are boys, how many are girls, how many are others?
And take stock of how many of those characters are just in the supporting cast, and compare that to the amount you have in the main cast.
If you have a significant imbalance, ESPECIALLY in the main cast, fire the Woman Beam.
It's a really simple trick to just write a male character, and then change its gender while keeping it the same. I promise women are really not fundamentally different from men lmao. You can consider how your in-universe gender roles affect them later, if you'd like, but when you're just starting to wean yourself off a "boy bias" this trick works like a charm.
Also you're not allowed to change the body type of any girl you Woman Beam because I said so. PLEASE allow your girls to have muscles, or be fat, or be old, or have lots of scars. Do NOT do what a cowardly Triple A studio does, where the women all have the same cute or sexy face and curvy body while they're standing next to dwarves, robots, and a gorilla.
Or this shit,
If you do this I will GET you. If you're ever possessed by the dark urge, you will see my face appear in the clouds like Mufasa himself to guide you away from the path of evil.
Anyway, you get better at just making characters girls to begin with as time goes on and you practice it. It's really not as big of a deal as your brain might think it is.
Take a legitimate interest in female characters and try not to disproportionately hit them with parental/romance plots as opposed to the male cast, and you'll be fine. Don't think of them as "SPECIAL WOMEN CHARACTERS" just make a character and then let her be a girl, occasionally checking your tally and doing some critical thinking about their use in the story.
(Also remember I'm not a professional or anything, I'm just trying to give advice)
#I wish I had more succinct and practical advice to give you besides the woman beam trick#Honestly I just kinda feel it out because I like telling stories about girls#I made it fun for myself by clapping and cheering and whooping and hollering whenever a girl does something#because it's not fun to write like a monk in a monastery#With the spectre of Brother Smockbimble looming over your shoulder telling you to Write Perfectly Every Time#Characters aren't real people. You can just fix it if you happen to fuck up or do better next time with what you learned.#Making mistakes is just part of acquiring skill#and writing is an art just like painting or drawing.#So don't make a fun OC project into homework! You should be enjoying making your own art! Express yourself!#Please understand that when I'm ripping into the series I'm being so harsh because it's bestselling corporate media#Read by HUNDREDS of thousands of kids worldwide#Raking in millions of dollars a year. Written by a TEAM of professionals.#So I have higher expectations of it than of a fandom rando on the internet. Or even a self-published author who's just One Guy.#Hence why I'm infinitely more charitable to Ratha than I am to Battle Cats#bones gives advice
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Were they bullied as a kid
allura: No. allura’s childhood involved getting everything she wanted it as soon as she wanted it except for companionship with people her age. she was not a super social child generally & was further isolated from other kids due to her status (she couldn’t even be around them without guards) so her only friends were cousins her age. They were all enough older than her to a) be kind of annoyed with her and b) annoyed that her existence took away their shot at being heir of altea. But that was more awkward than anything else
pidge: she may be witty and sarcastic Now but as a child she was equally as embarrassingly earnest as any other child . Things she was also: absolutely convinced she was smarter than everyone else (and conspicuously right) and deeply. Deeply awkward. combine that with her nerdy interests and the Transgenderism and you’ve got a recipe for an absolutely debilitating combination of her peer group being unmotivated to get close to her & to grow to resent her . I think she got Girl Bullied. the other girls decided she was not part of the In Group and did the things they do best: spread false rumors about her, poisoned her reputation, mocked and belittled her and generally made being her friend Uncool. pidge was the social pariah. and pidge did what every smart kid turned into the pariah does: she became a misanthrope. she decided that people don’t like her because she’s smarter— better— than them. she pretends this makes it easier to bear the loneliness, but she tells herself that she isn’t lonely. she doesn’t need anyone, remember? other people arent important & she doesn’t need them. another result of this is that even well into her adolescence pidge still considers herself to, socially, be more alien to other girls than she is to men. hence why she felt she needed to pose as a boy; but in the process she realized that despite what people Say about trans girls, she wasn’t really “socialized” the way amab men are either . Her time in the garrison, while not having any bullying, makes her feel like even more of an alien, to everyone. Her only solace is her family. Except…. You know…….
hunk: no actually he wasn’t. hunk was a shy kid who was nice & polite to everyone he spoke to. he struggled to make friends, and more generally to keep them, but nobody disliked him. he caught some flak for his weight inevitably but this never stuck because hunk isn’t actually as easy a target as he seems. everytime someone picked on him he’d commit social warfare and would tell everyone how mean he thought that was & how sad it made him and the other kids would generally be like Yeah making fun of you for how you look is like… bad… I guess… and then the kids picking on him would either a) shamefaced stop or b) kick it up a notch until hunk can whine to the teacher. Hunk was lucky in that instead of escalating things this usually just put them in uncomfortable “get along” situations with the school counselor that the kids picking on him Hated So Much they wanted to avoid at all costs and ergo left hunk alone
keith: I don’t think keith attended public school until middle school and you combine this utter lack of socialization with his angry nature + the fact that he’s a grieving preteen who watched his dad die + the fact that he’s a child savant and you have a lovely combination for a child who is so bullied it’s actually kinda stupid. the kids at the orphanage. The kids at school . His foster siblings. Keith has a talent and a knack for pissing people off. I don’t think keith did it on purpose at first; he defended smaller kids. bit back harder than was warranted when people were mean. Said things he didn’t realize were blunt. He got beat up one too many times and started hitting back. and hitting back hard! but eventually he got into so many fights that the reasons why they start stopped mattering. keith starts assuming every social interaction is going to end in violence. this thought process causes keith to jump to violence quicker than your average joe which causes keith to end more social interactions with violence which causes keith’s idea that every social interaction is going to end in violence to be reinforced. As he gets older the lines between “being bullied” and “bullying people” gets continuously blurred. Lucky for him the garrison being such a competitive environment & him crushing every other student ever of all time causes keith to get so bullied again it’s almost stupid. people start doing shit like stealing his wallet and dumping mud on his uniform, which is a brand of bullying he just isn’t used to. He’s like. Can we fight? they’re like no! We’ll get in trouble for fighting! steal his gym shoes instead. throw out his homework. break into his locker. and keith is like what the HELL. FUCK you. and finds them and punches them out. So to the administration the Who’s bullying who thing is unclear and by unclear I mean Keith is universally blamed entirely always
lance: lance pingponged in terms of social standing so wildly I think it explains like half of his insanity. lance, at any given point in his childhood, was in one of two social positions:
1. the class clown that’s absolutely adored by everyone, even when they’re laughing at him, even when they’re rolling their eyes. the teachers favorite. endlessly charming and always performing like a court jester vying for his king’s approval
2. so intensely disliked for being “loud” and “obnoxious” that he’s mocked by the class. Whatever kid has learned sarcasm the most recently will pipe up everytime he makes a joke with a witty comment that everyone laughs at. his friends drop him, the teacher sends him to the office for being disruptive, and he’s generally considered annoying by all
when in position 2 he’s viciously making himself Louder and More Eyecatching in an attempt to claw himself back to the peak of position 1. when in position 1 he’s constantly terrified waiting for his inevitable crash back down to earth into position 2. It’s a beautifully vicious cycle because his overcompensatory peacocking gets him into both positions really really fast depending on how anxious he feels. He spent his garrison days pretty perpetually in position 2 because his jealous insecurity re: keith and everyone else who’s also better than lance causes him to be a troglodyte asshole about 75% of the time . Lance has trouble hanging onto friendships because of this so hunk is his rock socially but hunk was fucking Tested during the garrison era because lance Would Not Stop bragging talking himself up lashing out etc
shiro: Had friends growing up. Doesn’t struggle to make friends. Wasn’t ousted socially. is generally liked by people with this almost mythical intensity. People cannot help but put shiro on this gigantic pedestal & this has been true since childhood. people see him and see him shrouded in heavenly light and smiling gently. He’s so nice. He’s well behaved. He’s responsible. Yet he has a charisma that just draws everyone in. shiro wasn’t just popular as a kid. He was The Popular Kid. he knew everyone. everyone loved him . and it shows. It shows.
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hello future us … or future me. (i hope not. i hope you aren't alone again.) i had some questions, i guess. you don't have to answer them, but… please, would you? i'd love to get a letter back. i'm so lonely right now.
do you have a cat? i hope we have a cat.
do you still have those dreams where you meet someone who finally understands, who makes you feel safe and trusted? and who you trust back? all the way, not just mostly. and it's not one of us, not just someone inside your head, not someone you can convince yourself isn't real. and you just feel safe.
and do you still wake up from them with tears streaming down your cheeks?
or the ones where they're still alive, where it was all just some kinda fucked up joke? or even the ones that tell you that we need to tell someone that we love them? or stop isolating ourselves so much?
and do you still spend the day after feeling like you're being held down by a hundred river stones?
do you still climb trees? and ask them things? and can you still hear their answers if you listen long enough?
did you make it out of here?
do you still flinch when someone touches you? especially from behind? or when a door slams, or something falls, or a voice is raised, i guess. do you still feel sick and frozen and helpless then?
do you still feel trapped in hugs? and do you still turn the door handle so slowly, and pull it open so gently, making sure the hinges don't make a sound?
do you still feel a pit in your stomach when you wake up sometimes? like some sort of black oozing ball of grief. a bit like the one inside that dragon from that movie that we really like.
do you still like playing in the rain? i like playing in the rain.
i like to go outside naked. they used to call it "nature's shower" and make jokes about how we needed a shower, since we didn't usually do it for ourselves.
do those kinds of jokes still hurt you a little bit? not enough to make a big fuss, or cry, or get angry like you wanted, since you knew it would just make them sad again. and you don't want to make them sad again.
just a little pang in your chest, y'know? do you still get those?
do you still make them sad a lot? the others keep telling me it's not my fault. but i know better. because it always has been, hasn't it?
…hasn't it?
are you better at saying "no"? even softly, and apologetically, because you know it might hurt them for you to care that much about yourself
do you still apologize too much? kind of just for existing or taking up space. you know the ones i'm talking about. it's annoying, you know. people won't take your actual apologies seriously if you do it too much. you should really stop that.
do you still let it all build up until it explodes in your face? because letting it out, even in tiny bits, hurts too much to bear. or it would hurt others. or maybe you just think it will? or… maybe. maybe you're just scared.
…do you still miss him?
i miss him so much. i hope you don't. it hurts like a motherfucker.
do you still shame yourself for loving the things you love and the way you love them?
do you still sing and play and draw all the time? i know you're probably pretty busy by now, but you should still take some time for it, y'know? it's kind of all that's keeping me here right now.
ha. i guess it's what's keeping you here, too, then. or why you even exist at all, if you do. holy shit, what if i'm talking to a ghost right now. or like… all my bereaved loved ones. or some kid 100 years from now, if the earth can still sustain human life.
uh… if that's the case, hi guys. sorry about all the melodrama in this one. please don't read it out at my funeral or something, that'd be sad. you should be listening to something fun and dancing instead. that's what i'd want.
i think i'm just gonna proceed assuming there's some kind of actual future me reading this. that was a weird side tangent.
do you have new friends? old friends? you should check in with some of them. i want to know how they're doing, too. …are they still around? i hope they're still around. at least for a decent amount of years. they deserve that.
do you still fight for what you think is right, even when it feels like the whole world is against you? are you still stubborn like that? i hope you didn't give up hope and become complacent like all the others. i hope you still think we can make things better, even just a little bit. even just by making stupid poems.
do you still cry in public, even though we got really good at hiding it? this is gonna be hypocritical, but you don't have to be embarrassed about that kind of stuff, you know. we're just a person. and a bit of a fucked up one at that.
do you… nevermind. this is getting too long. nobody's gonna read it if i write more, especially not you, knowing our attention span. ha. actually, did you un-fuck that up? that would be cool.
i know i'm pretty young. you don't have to listen to me. not a lot of people do. but maybe i have some wisdom to share, too, right?
people are always saying that, aren't they? "listen to your inner child".
would you please listen to me? please don't tune me out. i think you're the one person who's really supposed to listen and really might hear me
#poem#drabble#original poem#poetry#poet#poets on tumblr#my poem#my art#original art#ptsd#c-ptsd#autism#adhd#audhd#actually audhd#actually autistic#actually adhd#actually bpd#borderline#bpd#bpd thoughts#vent#vent poem#personal#tw#tw trauma#tw abuse#i guess#tw childhood trauma#tw neglect
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Tfp soundchet what are your headcanons. How do they meet? Did they like eachother prewar? Do they continue to have one-sided feelings for megatron/optimus? How do their teams react? How do the kids react? I need a 34 page doc rn
okay, so in my mind there are no one-sided feelings for Optimus + Megatron, mainly bc neither one of those ships are my cup of tea and I don’t really like them anymore sorry gang 😭
I think they probably had chance encounters when Soundwave was on the Council and stuff, but avoided Ratchet bc of how often his mind sort of sparked w/ agitation and annoyance constantly and SW was kinda like yeah don’t need that thanks and left him alone (Ratchet never noticed any of this)
they’d meet officially through Orion and Megs bc yknow, and Ratchet after awhile became the twos sort of private doctor bc he didn’t like how the Gladiator medics were doing it and they both got along a lot better than expected (also SW’s cassettes really like Ratchet too bc he treats them like actual individuals which automatically made him worthwhile in SWs eyes)
I think they formed a very tentative relationship together after some blooming feelings and a not so subtle push from the cassettes, it was kept quiet from Orion and Megs, it was a very sweet baby’s first relationship type deal and SW would get to confide in his telepathy w/ Ratchet which he took in stride though of course that would burn in flames when the war started me thinks. Ratchet would be left angry and resentful while Soundwave tried to bury any remaining attachments, but he’s sad and lonely and doesn’t want to admit it
After a lot of encounters in the battlefield and forced time together they.. kind of talk it out? As much as these two possibly can? It takes a bit to put it lightly but they kind of continue their relationship, with both of them doing what they can to keep the other safe (eventually they make the horrible decision to bond but yknow, it’s easier than trying to be in the same place together ig)
After the series, Ratchet is (somehow) able to convince the Autobots that leaving SW in the shadow zone is super unethical guys 😭 can we at least throw him in prison 🥹 and everyone’s sort of like yeah okay ig 😒 and then after a little more convincing SW eventually gets to be under house arrest at the base with Ratchet and they live on Earth together now yippee!!! They keep their relationship on the down low of course but probably get caught by Miko or something and both of them decide to play it off as something that happened totally during SW’s time under house arrest and never before I promise
#I think that’s it honestly#I do actually plan writing a fic about that last part so stay tuned ig#Also dw your ask didn’t sound mean 🙏#red responds#tfp#transformers#maccadam#soundchet#soundwave#ratchet
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