#i exist for myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Gentle Reminder
“Tired child and weary soul, you forget sometimes. That though the responsibilities of life may make you feel as if even just moving is too impossible, then my love, just breathe. If breathing is too difficult, then precious one, just blink. If even blinking is too much work, then little one, just stare. It is enough to just be, sometimes.”
-N <3
#then when i’m ready i take one small teeny tiny step like going to brush my teeth#or making an important phone call#or doing a load of laundry#not all progress is immediately palpable#my existence does not need to be performative#i exist for myself#i exist to be in peace u.u#just be until you’re ready to do#hopecore#personal#stepping stones to self love#huhu is this prose#or is this poetry#softcore#gentle living#healing#bloom posts#bloom’s world
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
#I had a vision#axedraws#artists on tumblr#art#mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#curly#anya#mouthwashing anya#Daisuke#mouthwashing Daisuke#digital art#mouthwashing fanart#fanart#ignore the fact among us probably did not exist during this time#100#500#1k#5k#10k#20k#chat#chat should I kill myself#have I peaked
26K notes
·
View notes
Text
the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
149K notes
·
View notes
Text
One of one. One, alone, one.
#my stuff#transformers#maccadam#orion pax#d 16#d 16 x orion pax#megop#transformers one#megatron#optimus prime#megaop#I spent like an hour today reading poetry and getting mad at dumb stuff SO that's why this exists. Sorry for the lame poetry#I did what I could with the meager words i have#also english is NOT my language and i much MUCH prefer poetry in spanish#anyway I don't draw the tf1 versions of these two cuz it's so hard man#so many details#this took a couple of hours cuz i still refuse to take more than 2 hrs per page... and I'm forbidding myself from using anything but black#ok good night#si está pitero está pitero ya alv
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Your personal triggers and squicks do not get to determine what kind of art other people make.
People make shit. It's what we do. We make shit to explore, to inspire, to explain, to understand, but also to cope, to process, to educate, to warn, to go, "hey, wouldn't that be fucked up? Wild, right?"
Yes, sure, there are things that should be handled with care if they are used at all. But plenty more things are subjective. Some things are just not going to be to your tastes. So go find something that is to your tastes and stop worrying so much about what other people are doing and trying to dictate universal moral precepts about art based on your personal triggers and squicks.
I find possession stories super fucking triggering if I encounter them without warning, especially if they function as a sexual abuse metaphor. I'm not over here campaigning for every horror artist to stop writing possession stories because they make me feel shaky and dissociated. I just check Does The Dog Die before watching certain genres, and I have my husband or roommate preview anything I think might upset me so they can give me more detail. And if I genuinely don't think I can't handle it, I don't watch it. It's that simple.
#this post is directly inspired by that goddamn Stop Setting Horror In Hospitals post I keep seeing#fuck you actually I don't care if YOU find it triggering#plenty of my disabled friends including myself like seeing hospital horror used to examine systemic ableism and abuse by doctors#you don't have to engage with it#but you also don't get to say it's not allowed to exist anymore#jackass#original post
71K notes
·
View notes
Text
Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house
Bonus:
#you won’t join the justice league you’ll be leading them#Bruce: nightwing is literally the best vigilante to ever exist#Bruce: when I grow up I wanna be like nightwing#meanwhile dick: ugh Bruce literally doesn’t respect me he always treats me like a child he thinks I’m incompetent#Bruce: you are literally who I aspire to me you’re the only thing I’ve ever done right in my entire life#dick: he’s such an ass I’m not a child anymore!! I can take care of myself why won’t he trust me??#Bruce: losing you would literally be the death of me I won’t lose you cause I’ll be joining you in death#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#batfam#batfamily#dc robin#dick grayson#dcu#nightwing#good dad bruce wayne#unhinged dad Bruce Wayne#dick and bruce#shitpost#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect batman quotes#batman twitter au
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
i need guenhwyvar to be Cat so bad
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#forgotten realms#drizzt do'urden#legend of drizzt#ra salvatore didn’t write about ALL the cups and plates that guen destroyed in blingdenstone but i know the truth#i think all the art i've made exists somewhere between homeland and exile/during exile#bc that's where i am rn and i will not spoil myself#her purrs must be SO loud#enough to cause an earthquake#i love these stupid books so much i'm so ill#she's literally described as his first and closest friend you CANNOT tell me he doesn't give her all the scritches and snuggles she wants
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
The second they arrived in the Emerald City Glinda’s entire vibe is just “well I have no choice but to be Elphie’s trophy wife now 😌”
#she went from Galinda ‘you’re leaving for a whole day Elphie and I might kill myself’ Upland#to sounding out ‘Glinda Thropp’ in her head the whole train ride there#the Wizard was like ‘your gay little friend can live with us Elphaba’ and Glinda forgot about Fiyero ever existing#wicked#wicked movie#wicked spoilers#glinda upland#elphaba thropp
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
#self h@rm#self mutalition#$h relapse#3d relapse#relapse#self h@te#tw self destruction#beans cvt#cvtt!ng#cvtblr#sh cvt#thigh cvts#arm cvts#cvtting is silly#thigh cvtting#hate myself#i hate my existence#i hate my body#i hate everything#i hate mirrors#tw sui ideation#suic1de#blogging#blog#tumblr fyp#fyp
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
29K notes
·
View notes
Text
desperately craving weird surrealist arthurania. Knights with no faces wandering through the mists. Seams between Christian and pre-Christian Britain gaping like open wounds. Beafts and visions. Maybe a monk. Maybe the monk is gay
#This post brought to you by remembering that The Green Knight exists#and longing to live in the alternate universe where it launched a whole genre of high quality queer indie arthurania retellings#craving themes of guilt honor repression wildness etc etc#bonus points if it includes critique of the whole divine right of kings English empire imaginary that can accompany Arthur retellings#I would write it myself but alas! I have no brain#Mine
14K notes
·
View notes
Text
You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
if being cringefail losers was a crime these two idiots would get the life sentence
#finally finished my exams so i drew them as a little treat for myself since it's been a couple of weeks#someone commented once on how i never draw chuuya happy when i do skk art and it appalled me bc like#.........why would he be happy?? that's dazai he's with.#anyway yea happy skk art where they're both in love doesn't exist from what i've seen. they can't stand each others asses#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#skk#lotus draws
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
Fandom OC Ask Meme
⟢⋱⟡☾ a collection of asks for OCs belonging to specific fandoms
How does (canon character) feel about your OC?
How does your OC feel about (canon character)?
Has your OC ever made (canon character) laugh? / What about cry?
Do your OC and (canon character) ever cross paths?
Which canon character annoys your OC?
What canon character gets annoyed by your OC?
Which canon character respects your OC most? What gained that respect?
Which canon character doesn’t respect your OC whatsoever?
Which canon character does your OC respect a lot?
Which canon character does your OC not respect at all? Why?
Which canon character is pissed off by the general presence of OC? (we all have those people)
Does your OC have a crush on anyone?
Who would probably have a crush on your OC?
Who would your OC most likely to get a puppy-crush on? (but it can’t be the cc they’re actually shipped with!)
Who would your OC say is their best friend?
Who would call your OC their best friend?
Who has brought your OC to tears before?
Who has your OC made cry?
Is there someone your OC didn’t like at first, but then got along with later?
Is there someone your OC liked at first, but then grew to dislike?
Who does your OC hate?
Who does your OC love? (platonic)
Who does your OC love? (familial)
Does your OC love anyone? (romantic)
Has your OC ever had to let a canon character down easy?
Has your OC ever been rejected by a canon character?
Did your OC bear witness to anyone’s full character arc?
What is the worst thing your OC does in their story?
What is your OC’s ‘‘darkness moment’’ in the plot?
What is your OC’s redemption moment?
Is there a canon character that your OC needs to ask forgiveness towards?
Is there a canon character your OC needs to forgive?
Is there anyone who your OC would die for?
Is there a canon character who would die for your OC?
#(( I couldn’t find that this existed so I made one myself ))#fandom ask#fandom ask meme#oc#fandom oc#fandom oc ask#fandom oc ask meme#oc ask#oc ask meme#oc ask game#fandom oc game#ask meme#ask game#ask#prompts#oc prompts#oc ask prompts#oc questions
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
can we get a round of applause for my tits please
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
From "Managerial Liberties" on AO3 by @miribalis (where they collect fallen angels like shiny Pokémon at the hotel), it makes me really happy (and has my heart).
#lucifer looks like shit in this but im gonna off myself if i have to touch this again#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#radioapple#alastor#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel comic#appleradio#my art#I LOVE ADAM SO MUCH IN THIS FIC!#i always liked him but he's just so stupid i like him even more now#drawing soft alastor is the bane of my existence#it always looks wrong and im just SO BAD at it#oh and i have a new ipad and im unstoppable now#and can i please have 100 more chapters of this fanfiction?#the writing is EVERYTHING god
2K notes
·
View notes