#i dont want you hurting yourself!

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Spring is here , the true beginning of the year , the season where my soul reborns and blooms .

I have made some progress in terms of the person I am becoming, truly in all my honesty all that i have done is to stop caring for everything that once used to matter , the less I care about anything in particular the less I am bothered and the happier i stay. And i really hope everyone here is doing well and I appreciate all the love that was sent.

The problem is I care a lot about everything and i don't even get the bare minimum in return and when i do get it it's too late, so much time has passed by then ,when it comes by then i do not want or need it because it's the not care that came out of love it came out of their guilts. And the longer i wait for it to come by -the more I learn why I don't need it anymore .

I am slowly learning to value myself ,trying to put myself in a position where I can agree that i too deserve all the good things and love even on the days when i have nothing to offer .

Idk guys I am just here to rant and to be stupid

Better late than never they say , I guess it's not too late for me either, I will start my life and live up to what I want & how I feel ,i don't have to care about anything else as long as I feel alive in my bones things will eventually flow, I will fall in love with myself little by little day after day.

I will choose myself instead of choosing others and I will fall in love with my solitude instead of bearing it with me , i don't care if I end up alone if I do end up all by myself I will be with someone who i know has a tendency not to give up .

Life is really short i just don't want to sit and watch it pass by , if I am lucky enough I will have 40 more springs to experience , I have clear boundaries and thoughts in my head now, eventually i will find peace through it I hope so.

Ramdan kareem to people who celebrate it here please remember gaza in your prayers and fastings

[spaciebabie]

you have to stop acting like you are only worthy of hate and malice. you have to. i know how hard it is ta stop the self deprecating jokes or feeling the constant urge ta dunk on yourself i have been there and i have done that and i cant even say that i love myself b/c i dont, but im in a better place now b/c i actually accept that people feel positive feelings about me and i am not unlovable! ive lost count of how many times i have poured out my heart ta my friends and told them i love them or that i love something they create and then i just get slapped in the face by them saying "no thats not true everything i create sucks and i suck" like!!! what is the point of me being here honestly. why am i saying nice things ta you if you're constantly going ta say otherwise. do you even care about the things i hafta say? why are you acting like your friends are constantly lying ta you abt how they feel? you hafta think about how constantly rejecting someones affections for you (in this specific sense) is going to impact them! you dont hafta believe that you're the best thing since sliced bread if someone tells you that you are. but you have to accept that the people who care about you feel that way about you or you're going to drive them away. like im trying to love you asshole! let me!!

[manda-kat]

I'm so sorry and I know if you're like this it means you have a lot of struggles- but like constantly talking about how much everyone hates you and how terrible and miserable you are and making suicidal jokes every time you talk to someone makes them NOT want to talk to you.

There is such thing as too much personal information and bringing the mood down in every conversation will make people associate you with bad moods. And if someone knows that every time they see you you're going to launch into a speech about how much they must hate you and how you should kill yourself, then they're going to see that as a sign that their presence is actively upsetting you.

You hurt the people around you when you can't keep a handle on what you say. For your own sake you need to change how you interact.

[schnee-gheist]

The feeling when you have the greatest idea for a oneshot but CANNOT WRITE

I'm in so much pain rn/hj

[joonie-beanie]

I just need a strong man (wriothesley) to pick up a big bitch (me)

[no-more-rqs]

reminder: it actually does not matter if you have a friend whos a poc who tells you that "race transitioning" is fine. it doesnt matter if youre a poc yourself and you think its fine. guess what? people can be wrong!

even outside of this, people can be wrong.

if a scientist with a phd tells you the earth is flat, do you just immediately believe that with no question? you may think "someone with a phd would never believe that", but there are several scientists who do! there are modern scientists with phds and careers who believe in shit like phrenology or ancient astronaut theory or other bullshit like that.

there are poc who are nazis, who believe in white supremacy and believe that poc are inferior or subhuman. if a poc like myself tells you that all poc are inferior to white people, do you just automatically believe that? there are very famous poc who hold these ideals, such as kanye west.

you are seeking out specific people in your community who agree with all of your ideals. you are finding one or two or ten or however many people who agree with you and ignoring the tens of thousands of people who dont agree. you are doing exactly what conspiracy theorists and racists do: finding one professional or seemingly trustworthy source and basing your entire logic around that one source.

racists will find one scientist who believes in phrenology and use that one scientist to say "look! a real scientist with a phd agrees with me! you shouldnt listen to the wider scientific community, theyre all biased and wrong and this guy is the only one whos correct!"

radqueers will find one poc who supports "race transitioning" and use that one person to say "look! a real poc agrees with me! you shouldnt listen to the wider poc community, theyre all biased and wrong and this guy is the only one whos correct!"

do you understand what im saying here? you cant pick and choose who to believe based on whether or not you agree with them. listen to as many poc as you can, outside of radqueer communities. listen to ones who dont even know what radqueer means. the vast majority of poc say that "transitioning races" is inherently racist (and impossible, considering you cant just transition to have been born somewhere else or have different biological ancestors, which is what determines race because race and ethnicity are inherited unlike gender), dont just choose 20 poc who say its good and ignore the 20000 who say it isnt.

[codacheetah]

It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

thinking about the elections tonight... bad, cellbit, baghera, and forever are four candidates who are devoted to the island- more specifically, to the residents of the island. They care for the eggs, and they care for each other, and the way they exhibit that care through their primary presidential strategies is fucking fascinating.

Bad is who I watch the most, so I know him best. He's a classic mother hen. He doesn't like to take risks with the eggs, and he likes to prepare. If there's any sort of variable that could hurt an egg then he wants to control it. They have a stable relationship with the federation right now- it's not great, but they know the parameters. Don't trust cucurucho. don't follow cucurucho. send the eggs to NINHO every time there's a threat. the time of day changing means you need to run. Other than that they're p okay and roughly safe. But adding a president could potentially change everything. What if the president makes a rule that makes it easier to kill the eggs? And what about the way a president could cause tensions between the players to rise even higher? The dynamics of the island could change drastically. It's safer to neutralize that threat before it ever becomes a threat. It's easier to stop a war before it can start.

Baghera's primary concern is the way the election is designed to pit the residents against each other. All of them know that the Federation is a threat and she, like Bad, is focused on not letting them hurt more people. But, unlike Bad, she's less resistant to change. If the power is spread to multiple players rather than just one, it will be harder for the Federation to corrupt any one of them. Each time before the Federation has gotten to someone it's done so by isolating them. Felps, Cellbit, Jaiden- they've all spent a lot of alone time with Cucurucho. A council isn't just to consolidate the ideals of the island; a council would protect the players themselves. Sure, there might be disagreements and arguments, but they've had those before (and they're having them now!) and there's no reason to think they wouldn't be able to get through them again.

I hit a bit of a wall with Forever and Cellbit's pov here. Everything I know about their plans are from the debates and paraphrased discussions that have been translated here on tumblr, I'm going to talk less about their explicit plan and more about what the result will entail- a single president who takes responsibility for the island. It seems to me like they've recognized the presidential seat as the powerful opportunity that it is, and they want to take advantage of it. Here's some extra personal speculation but, adding rules, adding or removing mods, proposing public works, enforcing laws- those are just the abilities that are listed. Those are incredible opportunities to make the Federation take action, which is more than they've had before. We've seen before that the Federation isn't perfect; the Federation makes mistakes.

By working with the Federation, by making them take action (in a semi-controlled, semi-predictable way) you open them up to more opportunities for them to fuck up (while benefiting you). And, maybe, one of those fuck ups will be the key to taking them down. Maybe they could reopen ender chests. Maybe they could open the nether. Maybe they could learn why the Federation is holding an election in the first place. It's possible to do all these things with Baghera's plan, sure, but that's not a guarantee and, if someone like Bad is on the council, there's absolutely no way to be sure it would get done. And, if there's a council, then that opens up everyone on the council to the Federation's wiles. If there's just one president, then that's where the Federation's focus will be. By using a single person to build a relationship with the Federation, they only risk that single person. By electing ministers instead of a council, they can ensure that the island residents' needs are being heard while placing the federation's focus on that one person. A point can be made that they've done that before- with varying results. like kidnapping. selling your soul. etc. But! overall, I think they've gained more than they've lost by singling out one person. Because of them, we know that Cucurucho can't be trusted. We know that the Federation has a series of tunnels underneath the island. We know that the Federation not only has some sort of cryo technology, but had some unknown reason to use it. We know that there was another person working with Cellbit to take care of Felps (theorized to be ElQuackity), so we know there's at least one more Fed that isn't Cucurucho + blank-faced workers. There's been risk, but there's absolutely been rewards. This is just a very long meandering way to say that their plan to sacrifice Forever to the presidential seat reminds me very much of Cellbit's plan to sacrifice himself to the federation. They're saving their friends by potentially damning themselves and I, for one, think that is cool as hell.

they all care about each other so much. bad's plan means taking on no more risk. baghera's plan means spreading that risk evenly to stand strong together. and cellbit and forever's plan means taking the risk onto themselves so they can reap the rewards for others. am i reading too much into things? no this is tumblr and this smp is about LOVE and i really genuinely think that their election plans are a fantastic example of just how much they love each other

[silverskye13]

thoughts on tanguish having puppy dog eyes? like a big wet sad eyes look i feel like he'd use 'em against helsknight when asking for particularly silly things, while theyre out in the streets together, and helsknight would be wholly unprepared (cuz who uses puppy eyes against a knight???) KEKW hope ur having a nice week<333

Anon you have sent me this ask like 5 times [either that, or this is an oddly popular question for some reason] and every time I squint at it really hard and try to think of something to write in response and I have no idea what to make lol

What are your thoughts on Tanguish vs Helsknight, puppy dog eyes edition? I want to know!

[senseiwu]

Every time the crystalised discussion on twitter comes back and they get to Lloyd's issues with his father i want to freaking rip my hair out

"Lloyd's in the wrong" "Lloyd was an ass" (<something I literally just saw)

God forbid a child hurt by their parent BE HURT. BE UPSET.

[nerosdayinanime]

"BECAUSE YOURE WORTH SOMETHING!" "THEN I DONT WANT TO BE WORTH SOMETHING! AND ESPECIALLY NOT TO YOU!" "WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?" "EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKING SAID!" Giyuu stared down at him, contempt rising in his expression- but Sabito could feel the hurt behind the anger, both boiling over into a moment of shock. Pain bloomed on his cheek as his head was knocked sideways, he snarled and struck back- yelling vaguely filled his ears aside the pounding of his own heart. His throat hurt though he couldnt hear his own screaming over the adrenaline and tension, it-  ..it hurt. His cheek, forehead, he could taste blood- but what hurt the most was seeing the same on Giyuu. That he was inflicting. The same pain in his eyes he knew his own echoed. All of it a desperate plea, their bared teeth and glares wavering for a moment.

--

"What happened to Tomioka-san and Urokodaki-san?" "They got in a fight." "They did..? Why are they holding hands?" "They get upset when they fight." "Uwaa.... Thats so cute!" "I dont think Urokodaki-san's busted lip is very cute, nor Tomioka's black eye, Kanroji-san." "Ah!! I didn't mean it like that!-" 

(Sabito gently smoothed his thumb over previously bloodied knuckles, since patched up and cleaned. He felt Giyuu's hand tighten around his own, resolved and firm. He huffed a sigh and rested his head in his other hand, the ache subsiding.)

[skitskatdacat63]

I don't know how I'd ever convey this in art but. Thinking very deeply about how in boy king au, a very crucial part of characterization is that Seb is a wolf in sheep(or lamb more specifically)'s clothing and Fernando is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Seb is very unassuming, very delicate, seemingly very vulnerable and malleable. But, deep down, he can be very ruthless. It's in the the way he hesitantly declares war, with a spark in his eye and a suppressed smirk. In the way he challenges someone to a card game or a horse race, proclaiming that he's not great, but winning every round and prancing around the room and mentioning it ad infinitum. The way he's able to instantly turn the tide in a debate in one fell swoop. By showing all his cards constantly and letting himself be vulnerable, he's making himself invulnerable. No one would ever consider him to be able to make big moves, so he wins every single time, because no one even thinks to expect it from him.

Fernando on the other hand, is constantly committed to having a looming presence and harsh reputation, but deep down, he's soft. He knows what happens to people when they're vulnerable, and he's not going to let himself be taken advantage of. The way he keeps a brave face when being informed of the marriage proposal, but goes back to his room and cries. The way he proclaims that he was always going to be the rightful ruler of Spain, but confides to Flavio that he never thought there was any real chance of it ever happening. The way he takes himself so seriously in public, but inside feels so giddy whenever he can make someone laugh. Everything to him always feels unstable and ready to crumble at any moment, and he's not willing to contribute to that by letting himself relax.

I think thats why it's very difficult for them to get along at first, because they have completely different approaches to how they carry themselves and make their way through life. Seb is confused at Fernando because he feels that he's very bland and overly serious at first, but truthfully he's not really seeing the actual Fernando. And Fernando finds Seb to be naive and easily taken advantage of, but that's because he's never seen Seb at his most cruel. Seb really loves when he eventually gets to see Fernando being vulnerable, and Fernando really admires and respects Seb when he sees him being serious. I think it just takes a while for them to show the other their full and complete selves, even the parts they can sometimes be ashamed of. There's this very compelling dichotomy in Seb laying out all his cards, but still being very difficult to read, and Fernando keeping his cards to his chest, but his intentions often being easily seen through.

[hayaku14]

kuroba toichi you need to stay dead or im going to fucking kill you myself

[merr-murr]

CW : L0l1, CSA, CSAM, Harassment

Apparently there's a hate brigade running after me because some people cannot separate fiction from fantasy. I've had to say it on my Twitter and despite my lack of adult content on this account, people have made it their prerogative to harass me on multiple platforms.

if you genuinely think that drawings of fictional characters is equal to the suffering of real children put in abusive situations, get the FUCK off of my blog. I dealt with CSA my entire childhood and all of my teens years, including being groomed. I tried not to let this whole thing get to me, but people calling me a child predator because I made a fucking DRAWING that they found icky is one of the most insane things they could have possibly done. ESPECIALLY to someone who was a victim and would never wish that pain on anyone else.

My ASSAULT is not equal to demon children in a cartoon. Real people are not equal to fictional characters. You can say it's gross, you can say you don't like, hell, you can even be a fascist and say we should censor art you don't agree with! But don't ever compare me to an abuser because I drew naughty art of cartoon characters without sentience.

I will not apologize for having tastes that don't align with some online fascists who save art that THEY think is CSAM to their own hard drives to "call people out." You're a freak if you are saving material that you think is genuinely CSAM. You're a freak if you are encouraging people to go interact with someone who you think is a predator. You're a freak if you think human children are as worthless as cartoon drawings. You're a freak if you equate the real abuse and suffering of real people in any capacity to a factitious scenario created for kicks.

If you actually give a fuck about protecting children, stop wasting your time on a random artist (a CSAA victim) who drew a singular piece of l0l1 art and maybe volunteer your services to charities that help REAL CHILDREN.

Get over yourself and go touch some damn grass.

TLDR; If you think real children being abused is even remotely equal (legally OR morally) to cartoon drawings of fake demon characters, I do not want you following me or interacting with me as a CSA survivor.

[adhderall]

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

[angy-grrr]

I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd

This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions