#if you dont liek something no one is forcing you to look at it

[merr-murr]

CW : L0l1, CSA, CSAM, Harassment

Apparently there's a hate brigade running after me because some people cannot separate fiction from fantasy. I've had to say it on my Twitter and despite my lack of adult content on this account, people have made it their prerogative to harass me on multiple platforms.

if you genuinely think that drawings of fictional characters is equal to the suffering of real children put in abusive situations, get the FUCK off of my blog. I dealt with CSA my entire childhood and all of my teens years, including being groomed. I tried not to let this whole thing get to me, but people calling me a child predator because I made a fucking DRAWING that they found icky is one of the most insane things they could have possibly done. ESPECIALLY to someone who was a victim and would never wish that pain on anyone else.

My ASSAULT is not equal to demon children in a cartoon. Real people are not equal to fictional characters. You can say it's gross, you can say you don't like, hell, you can even be a fascist and say we should censor art you don't agree with! But don't ever compare me to an abuser because I drew naughty art of cartoon characters without sentience.

I will not apologize for having tastes that don't align with some online fascists who save art that THEY think is CSAM to their own hard drives to "call people out." You're a freak if you are saving material that you think is genuinely CSAM. You're a freak if you are encouraging people to go interact with someone who you think is a predator. You're a freak if you think human children are as worthless as cartoon drawings. You're a freak if you equate the real abuse and suffering of real people in any capacity to a factitious scenario created for kicks.

If you actually give a fuck about protecting children, stop wasting your time on a random artist (a CSAA victim) who drew a singular piece of l0l1 art and maybe volunteer your services to charities that help REAL CHILDREN.

Get over yourself and go touch some damn grass.

TLDR; If you think real children being abused is even remotely equal (legally OR morally) to cartoon drawings of fake demon characters, I do not want you following me or interacting with me as a CSA survivor.

[ornii]

Hi! Can I request a Gwen platonic imagine where R is a spider person, and becomes liek a younger siblingvfigurdcgo gwen?

I’m gonna assume you mean Miss Stacy, and I have an idea.

My Other Self

What if Gwen met herself?

Alright, let’s do this.. one last time.

My name, is (Y/n) Stacy, I was bitten by a radioactive Spider, and for the last three years I’ve been the one and only Spider-Man.

I’ve beaten the bad guys, almost got the girl.. lost, my dad.. but I never gave up. Even if I get broken and beaten, I dont. Give. Up! I was honestly praying for something more interesting to happen, and I guess you get what you asked for.

(Y/n) Landed on the wall of a building, his costume a deep black with gold lining. And a nice sleeveless white hoodie to boot. He heard a disturbance on the police radio about a, weird looking Rhino. (Y/n) peers over the wall to see the Police dealing with a weird thing. It was a man who looked like he was from the Revolutionary Era. His armor heavy and clanking like a steampunk. Police can’t find a weak spot in his armor.

“Well, looks like this is a job for your friendly neighborhood—“

“SPIDER-MAN!” A scream from a large Screen echoed. None other than J. Jonah Jameson.

“Yeah, Spider-Man!” He swings over and lands on a pole, the rhino turns to the spider. “Pauk!” He screamed, stream bellows from his back panels and Spider-Man drops down.

“Alright big guy, I’ll give you one chance to—“

Rhino charges full force at the Spider-Man who flips out of the way and fire webs at the back of the Rhino’s head, he turns back around and gets more webs in the face. “You really don’t quit, do ya?!” Spider-Man leap into the air, firing webs at the back panels to clog his machine. With a scream he burns off the webs and catches him by the leg and tosses him hard into a wall. The impact cracks a hole in it. He stood up, “Okay.. that felt, weird.”

The Rhino begins to speak but his body falls to one knee, glitching out. “Well that’s new..” Spider-Man moves closer, “Hey.. you okay?” He asked. Rhino swings and he dodges. leaping back Rhino charges in, and Spider-Man fires a flurry of webs at his legs, forcing him to trip. The impact shakes the ground and he begins to web him up. Rhino screams, probably Russian insults, he charges at Spider-Man who leaped into his back as he began to tear through New York. Firing webs on his back he tries to steer him away from hitting people.

Rhino forces his way in front of a mother and child. Spider-Man tries to steer him away. Desperate to save them he struggles, but before tragedy can happen, a web pulls them away. Spider-Man raised an eyebrow at it, a drum solo echoes in his ear as someone else intervenes! He watches an elegant figure leap and swing their way over and land next to him.

“Need a hand?” She asks, he blinks a few times seeing another Spider-Man! “Uh, yeah!” He replies and they both web the Rhino and yank, forcing him to crash though a wall and into something hard. He steam begins to slow down.

“Think we’ve got him now.” The Heroine swings o and they begin to swing around, wrapping rhino like a big metal cocoon. With a kick they knock him down.

“That went better than I thought. Thanks for the help.” She said though her mask and began to log into her watch, Spidwrman was admitted Enamored by someone like him. “Hey… are you, Spider-Man?”

“No, more like Spider, Girl? Gal? Woman? One of those.” She shrugged. “And you’re… from another dimension?”

“Was it that obvious?” She said sarcastically.

“I guess.. just didn’t expect to see anyone like me, dad would have hated having to work two Spider cases.” He tried to make small talk, which actually catches her ear.

“Your.. dad?” She asked, and he nods. “Uh yeah.. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to tell you since you aren’t from like the past or anything, seems Multiverse theory works…” he trails on thinking.

“Can we… talk in private?” She asked, and (Y/n) was a bit worried about what she could ask, but obliged. The two swing away to a rooftop to avoid contact with people, her back to him. “Okay.. do what did you wanna talk about?” He asked, the girl took a deep breath and turned around to face him.

“Is your last name Stacy?” She asked, assuming she had some detailed knowledge, (Y/n) awkwardly nodded. “Uh.. Yeah..” he grips his base and removed his mask. He revealed who he was, and the girl was dumbfounded. “Yeah.. my names Garth Stacy.. or Gary or (Y/n). Middle name.” He explained. “What were you expecting?” He said, the girl gripped hers and removed it, revealing a face oddly identical to his. “Gwen.”

The two come to a realization.

“You’re.. me.” They said to each other.

“Nice haircut.” He smiled at Gwen who felt the side cut. “A friend helped me with it.” She replied. “You look.. older.” She smiled back.

“Yeah, college does that to you.” He chimes in. “So.. how’s dad?” Gwen asks.

Gwen and (Y/n), now wearing their masks again stare at a gravestone reading “Here lies George Stacy; Proud Father, Honorable Officer.” Gwen had a somber look in her eyes, so did (Y/n). “He died protecting a kid from rubble when I fought Shocker.. I haven’t been able to forgive myself.” He stares at the headstone for what seems to be forever. “I don’t have any family now. Just me. Is your Dad okay?”

“Things are.. kinda complicated between us.” Gwen explained, and leaned against him. “You got me, and all the other me’s and you’s around. you aren’t alone.” Gwen looked up at him, he saw his mom in her, and a little bit of dad stubborn but honest love, and he couldn’t help but smile.

Six Months Pass and (Y/n) is sitting at a desk, writing for his college thesis listening to music, bobbing his head.

“I just came to my senses

I stay in another dimension

Fear is non-existent

Suit up and swing through the city

Annihilate, I'm wide awake, be very afraid

I'm in my own world, give me space

I'm in my own universe, give me space

“Weezy Carter, I'm 'bout to go Peter Parker

I'm Spider-Man, if he ain't me, he just a creepy crawler”

“Tunechi spark the lighter, pull up in a new Ferrari spider Spider web necklace with the diamonds She'll turn to Spider-Woman if I bite her.”

I will not go back and forth with you

I see you got the black widow with you

You should've had a black hero with you

I get an opp-arachnophobia”

“I've been litty since I flicked the lighter

Since I was an itsy bitsy spider

They've been tryna wash the spider out

I got spiders crawlin' out your mouth, Spider-Verse!”

“(Y/n)…. (Y/n)…” Gwen calls out, you sense something and look up, a portal has opened up, making the knick knacks on your desk float.

“You got a minute?”

“For my sister? Anything.”

He scoots back and Gwen elegantly lands on his bed. “So.. I talked to Miguel.” She starts.

“Okay?” He raised an eyebrow, leaning forward. “And.. he said yes!” She shows him a watch device like she had. “You’re the newest member of the Spider Society.~” in a sing song tune, he took it, looking at it like it’s gold. He put it on his wrist and gleamed at Gwen.

“This is.. amazing.” He looked up at her, “The look on your face tells me that this isn’t the only thing you wanna tell me.. dad always had that look.” He leaned back, and Gwen’s face pouts just slightly. “Okay.. so, this might be a dumb question but.. have. You ever had a friend that you, really liked, as a friend of course! And.. well, in every universe Spider-Man always seems to fall for a Stacy.. and in every universe..” Gwen said and (Y/n) knew what she was going to say.

“It never ends well, does it?” He said, she looked down, as if she was expecting a more hopeful response. He didn’t want to break her heart. But, maybe things can be different. “But.. there’s always a first time for everything. Let me guess, can’t get him out your mind.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” (Y/n) tried to hide his laugh, as Gwen rolls her eyes. The Police scanner goes off and they hear the report.

“Armed Robbery at 107th and Landing.”

“Guess you came at the right time, left your toothbrush here.” (Y/n) stands up to go grab his costume, Gwen turns around. “Oh, I did didn’t I?”

“And your sweater, Converse, weird blanket, dance shoes.”

“Okay okay I clean up.” Gwen folds her arms smiling. “Hey.. you can stay as long as you want, it’s good to have family here.” (Y/n) steps in front of her, and puts the mask on. With zero hesitation they leap out of the window, swinging over to the next adventure.

[tmwcs]

nah dont need to improve or work on anything✋ thats what „anon” is for: u let people know sbout your thoughts but no one can judge u about it so u just feel free or something. u having a problem about me being a writer and a psych major is ridiculous. i told u everything what was on my mind and u act like an old lady. the “knowing better” one.

also i dont need to work on my wnglosh grammar and spelling as its 1. not my first language 2. im typing on a phone. who tf writes greammsticslly correct and pays attention to the spelling if its not official or to someone important🤨 yk there are slangs right. yk people ise them right. yk it affects the grammar right. literally type in every language i know this way. normal thing. typing on paper is waaaay different😄👍

most importantly: hope u already know not to act cocky with those emojis as the grammar and spelling point was.. stupid. YOU, no… WE are on the internet, dont forget that. fun fact: most people on the internet are not scared to say whats on their mind AND dont care about the way they type 😙

well as of now everything is out of my mind. dont know if it will change soon tho😇

Ooooooh goody! A roast fest! I’ll be honest, I didn’t read a single thing you said out of that word salad you sent in but I did catch on the flaring insults (again) and that lame excuse about your atrocious grammar and spelling. So then I guess it’s my turn now 😈

The more you harass people, the more you’re exposing to be a non-factor in anyone’s life.

All of your unsubstantiated insults are just proving that you’re more than likely, a minor. Or you act like one.

Your attitude justifies why people look down on you.

Your pettiness reflects your mental imbalance.

Your lack of coherency proves you have no driven force for hard work and responsibility.

You are entitled yet you have nothing that is singularly your own.

You’re selfish.

You’re blinded by a naive sense of narcissistic values that you try to cover up, but end up failing. That whole piece from the last ask where you wrote something along the lines of “liek i kNow i was rooD but u saID u was exited.” That was a lousy attempt. At least try and be more witty about it, otherwise embrace the fact that you are a terrible person.

My guess is you don’t have a penny to your name, you have a poor work ethic, and you lack moral integrity.

I dont have a problem with your education or your hobby. In fact, I don’t have a problem at all. You’re the one the problem (several of them).

You’re more than likely lonely.

You seek attention and that’s what you’re doing right now. Luckily for you, I don’t mind showing you some.

The fact that you won’t adjust your character to become better and more open minded makes it obvious you won’t get far in life.

You act as if you have an additional chromosome. Idgaf if that’s too mean. I say it how I see it. Prove me wrong if you don’t like it. (A challenge I actually would hope that you accept).

I foresee a life without any love for you because you’re going to be too eager to allow good things to come naturally. You demand too much without any consideration of those around you. (I mean shit, look at how you started this whole thing.)

You lack discipline.

You’re probably lazy. (It shows. Since you’re majoring in psychology, you should be able to see it without me explaining it…or do you?)

You strike me as the type who is similar to the boy who cried wolf.

You’re unappreciative.

You have some deep self esteem issues (my guess. Again it shows.)

You lack clarity and consistency in everything that you do.

You have no one and that’s why you’re here making a fuss out of literally nothing.

You’re one sided.

You’re narrow minded.

You lack ingenuity.

Seems like you make claims that expresses a huge essence of contradiction and false pretenses. You’re a writer too? Yet you don’t care about your spelling or grammar? How ironic.

I type in different languages and I fail to see your logic behind typing on a phone versus on paper. There’s literally no difference. Work on your thesis and get back to me.

You play the victim card.

You think nothing is truly your fault and that your personality is perfect.

You (and I mean solely you based off our interaction) use emojis as a method of expression because you’re too emotionally imbalanced. You’re also conscientious because you’re not taken very seriously (as much as I would like to pity you, if you’re anything irl like the way you are on tumblr, it’s kind of self inflicted at this point.)

The list goes on. Can you tell I’m having so much fun? I love doing psych evals on people. But as much as I love utilizing my intuitional sense to provide you all that, I really think you should just stop visiting my page and reevaluate your development. You’re obviously young (and stupid) but that’s an easy fix. I really don’t wish anything against you, I like to help make people better, not making them worse.

So what do you say anon? You wanna keep going or do you wanna stop acting childish and either move on or just be cordial? By being friendly with those that have a lot to offer, you actually become a better person you know? But the ball is in your court now. Be wise about it. My readers deserve something better than your dumb and unreadable asks.

[adrian-sheppy]

i have a question. genuinely. i am fr very curious about freeman's mind, and want to watch it, but i struggle with picking up new media out of fear i may die of cringe seconds after starting it. (gorgeous freeman traumatized me and i have never been the same) how do you recommend i go about watching freeman's mind without feeling like i've been freshly lobotomized? do i just bite the bullet?

ok I do have some genuine tips but post long because I'm the yapper so under cut ok 👍👍

you dont have to worry about it being like gorgeous freeman because it is NOT like that at all. gordon freemind is mean and not a great guy, but hes not overtly crass or super sexual or anything that will give you super secondhand embarrassment and worry about someone looking over you shoulder and judging you based on visuals alone. out of all the mindverse shows, freeman's mind is one of the easier ones to watch. I say this as someone who loves mindverse

- don't force yourself. it's a comedy series. if you're not having fun, don't feel obligated to watch it. it's not for everyone! one of my friends thought it was boring ;u; so yeah dont subject yourself to something youre not enjoying

- pause to take breaks. I had to do this for felix's mind. I love felix but he is weird.

- pause to react and let out any pent up energy in your preferred method (talking, moving around, etc)

- keep water on hand . or whatever drink you like.

- use arrow keys to skip forward if necessary. no character stays on one topic for too long (mindverse's tangent-y format) so don't like the bit? don't subject yourself to it!

- if you dont want to watch everything but still want to watch, you can watch the best of season 1 comp

im not sure what level of knowledge you have for the series is, sooo.. a few heads up:

- he does use the r slur in a few episodes. it's not abundant but it does happen. you can tell it was made in the late 2000s

- hes not a good person. he will say some things that are strange, bad and/or offputting. this isn't ALL of his dialogue but it is a chunk of it

and thats all I have to say I think. freeman's mind isn't perfect by any means but it's more "personal" if that makes sense. liek no big t.v. execs are messing with it. its what it was intended to be. hope this helps! ! :]

[tu-es-gegg]

14, 20, 31 !

qsmp ask game

14. Thoughts on Cucurucho and The Federation?

i think on the onset is the Fed itself doesnt seem all that scary at least to unfamilar new viewers. i think at first it definitely had that scare horror factor with that famous chainsaw hallway and how many times people got kidnapped. i think as time went on as people started to learn more abt the inner workings of the federation (from getting to knwo the actual workers like fred and walter bob, to the QSMP official streams, seeing all the goofs and gaffs of it all) it started losing its horror edge and characters openly mock it too. cucurucho too, liek these characters already been through hell and back that cucurucho and the federation are just lesser evils compared to stuff like purgatory eye guys

and that part to me is the scarier or at least on equal to the horror vibes it had before because that means people have just gotten comfortable with an oppressive force. the Feds are well... the feds, they enforce the rule of perfection and stability, they only care about presenting a perfect image and they dont really care about what they have to do to obtain it, so long as the veil of perfection is presented that is all they desire. no matter how much damage to children or islanders is done, they must achieve perfection; for what purpose we don't know.

i think a lot of people sweep under the rug the horrific stuff the feds do because its only looking at the very human and feeling workers. but workers do not represent the feelings and actual desires of the higher ups, we've seen what higher ranking federation workers do to dissents that decide not to work along with their assigned roles with walter bob. and we can see that some even higher ranking workers like elena are affected adn sometimes dont even know some things because of their manipulations.

the feds work with obscuring truths, lies and gaslights (yes im using this word correctly, they actively try to make present faults on the islanders instead of taking accountability for themselves), make themselve the better person, they trap birds in cages and when teh birds beg for freedom, they show them a polluted city and say "are you sure?", the bird says they'll stay and so the feds cut their wings. its less scary in that abject of horror of "what the fuck are they?" and more scary in the sense they are cruel.

i do wish we had more human experimentation, liek we cant jsut have qq be the ONLY one thats jsut unfair.

20. Name an event you’d like to see in the future

in terms of culturall events lmao i dont have much, i kinda hoped they did lunar new year earlier, i love lunar new year (IT WAS SO PERFECT THIS YEAR TOO, YEAR OF THE DRAGON HELLO), id like them do some sort of german holiday, Oktoberfest is a great one

likelihood of them doing something liek a nod to ramadhan and aidilfitri is low, maybe one day idk, they should do a whole day of night market GOD I FUCKING LOVE NIGHT MARKET

in terms of lore events PLEASE I WANT ANOTHER FEDERATION BREAK IN, OR AT LEAST SOMETHING SIMILAR, i know that kinda stuff is so fuckin hectic esp when you have the collective half of the server, but like i love that kinda

or maybe some sort of minigames sports day with cash prizes where they jsut play server minigames made by the players, like someone can make spleef or hunger games, they just hire badboyhalo to make a find the button and everyone collectively kills him.

31. What lore/arc have you enjoyed the most?

QSLIME CODEFLIPPA ARC PLEASE I NEED THIS CONCLUDED, im already a qslime sucker, i liek his cahracter and how he's played, this idea was already been a concept for other qslime fans when it was discovered the codes could disguise as eggs jsut because of how perfect it is. I think out of most people, he was one of the most succeptible to being manipluted because out of all the islanders, he was one of teh most desperate. someone like quackity or maxo would sniff it out immediately, by virtue of them finally reaching their acceptance. qjaiden to some extent also had acceptance, though BARELY just a hair, though her likelihood of being targeted would be thwarted by cucurucho and the feds if they ever found that fake bobby, also roier would just insta kill code bobby if he stuck around. qslime however, shown oveer time and time again very publicly he would never get over flippa. AND BY GOD HE WASNT.

i also was like dying to find out mroe about the nature of the codes themselves, not jsut as killing egg machines, liek seen with etoiles they were only seen as fighters, battlers, entites only served to be one-note killers. so when codeflippa came around everyone was immedietely in for a wild fuckign ride, it got even wilder by the end of the 3rd flippa hangout stream (tubbhole stream i call it) with flippa remembering something federation related and seemingly spouting honest endearment to qslime and GOD godd QSLIME AND HIS BEING A BEING A FATHER;;; like he is so self sacrificial to point it even hurts people around him jsut for the sake of making sure is daugther is the best and recieves the best, like;;; gah its jsut a perfect arc as a testament to what qslime is down toa core, a guy trapped in a cycle of grief and drowning in it over adn over, too blinded in denial and begging on his knees to have someone good ofr once in his life. when people want to know what qslime is i jsut point them to this arc in general. its executed so well thanks to charlie slimecicle and also codeflippa's admin (they do god's work being so patient by how many times charlie straight up just lets her go free) my only wish is that PLEAE COME BACK CODEFLIPPA I MISS YOU.

AND ALSO QBBH DYING, i think bbh bloggers can word that section better than me but holy shit the arc of him dying which went on so fucking agonisingly long, the wait for a shoe to drop and when it finally does, GOD ITS A WRECK, he's so interconnected with EVERYONE on the island simply by jsut being their babysitter, yet his death is so quiet, the news pouring out slowly and surely, and the fact only select few people were actually concerned in his process of dying, its a strange reflection of a very reoccuring themse of hidden sides and secret lives that mainly is a product of how streamed mcrp works, mainly for this style that the QSMP has, qbad's death was so satisfying beacuse it was the ending of an agonising wait, of questions being answers and new ones popping up, i could go on other stuff i cant fit in also cellbit's little federation detective adventures, that whole reveal where he is confirmed to be a fed employee and can never truly escape from their grasp was so fuckign good, the consequence of by all accounts selling his soul to cucurucho and the federation comign back to bite him OHHhhhhhhhhh that whole saga is so fuckign good. also the egg lore and developments like god sunny's whole drama with leo and also tallulah, the perfect representation of things little girls go through in life, litterally roier rat sage what the fuck (i dont know why doied exists but like ratoier is fuckign funny), FITMC AND AMDAGIO OHHHH BOY, i willcatch him with my bare hands, finally the answer after finding out he knew he ahd a reason to come ot he island oughghghh philza ender king lore ive been enjoying too i will catch that man too, etoiles and code interactions is also real fujckign good.

I think the main thing i like in lore is little things having big consequences, and the execution naturally blowing up, the thing i appreciate most is paying attention to all teh little memories and slights from before, and havign the comeuppance. some arcs i do appreciate, like bagi's search for her brother (the scene with her and cellbit mua chef kiss), litterally tazercraft getting arrested adn that whole saga, antoine daniel, whatevber the hell is ayrobot but i think what makes me not come back to those that often is mainly because... well i dont think theres a satisfying answer to them. not a conclusion or ending but more like, why did these happen? what sort of thing happens becausse of this? some arcs dont seem to lead into anywhere, and its not like filler episodes , its not jsut extra stuff to flesh out characters because they are actual stakes at hand with these arcs like there should be MORE consequences because of these things, stuff should be affected but instead are just little spice to these character and thus,, some jsut miss out on the depth they couldve had. its nto a diss to anyone, i jsut wish some arcs had more time to bake or be reworked to at least have a significant effect instead, they jsut kinda end up in my mid pile.

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E8 "Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

"High Ranking Vulcan". heh. This intro though - it jkust makes me wonder the sheer potential of what couldve been for Trek. Bryan Fuller made a masterpiece called Hannibal. Not too sure on his hand in Trek - imho, it doesnt compare. ANYways. ugh i love seeing hte discovery warp downwards like that Owosekun - love her name such nice colours. consistenty good colours in this show for sure. i like how goldy inside the bridge is oh interesting. what an odd source of warp power its insanely cool though. that CANT be good for stamets. is that foreshadowing did you call her what she will become damn stamets can you be like idk a bit likeable tho please. like plenty of characters who are catty af but likeable in some way if even 1%. ugh. hi tribble. keep tribblin OO SO BLUEEEE SO PRETTYYY This is so weird to me in how this show literally comes out 2 years AFTER AOS3 in terms of production quality.

very pretty landscapes though Saru. aint no way you walkin this terrain with them feets of yours love the trees. saru is so scrawnyyy Saru literally looks amazing in any lighting no joke damn classic trek mist creature living rorschach blot Kol is so cool looking those red accents work beautifully on his face

such lovely colour grading everyones GLOWINGGG there are certainly some wonderful visuals in this show ughhhh Saru, the dust speaker is that a klingon archery set what is that HAHA i wish nah its a torture kit sorry cornwell yelling like that was kind of cringe lolll this pretty blue dust dome that ash and burnham are in is so pretty ugh something im gonna just never take seriously, "Ash x Burnham" nah get out yeah yeah however, Kirk delivered this line beyond any other human's capacity what an empty ass kiss god its so forced. another huge problem with this show is they treat these characters like we know them already but bruh everyone feels so much the stranger to me, even though we are past the halfway point of season 1. is just so weird. i am not invested in like any character, even ones i really thought i would/wanted to be but its liek the show takes them away from me i like how the klingons have a definite accent when they speak terran now L'Rell is so striking looking i love her eyes such a piercing look

see like i WANT to like this away party but like i kind of dont have any real reason to like any of these characters especially with the utter animosity stuff that never got really properly resolved. like between saru and burnham. it feels almost uncomfortable. to me the viewer watching from outside ofc. thats a really pretty flower i dont like this film style it feels too tacky so many stupid zooms so cheap feeling it feels like star trek, Teen Wolf edition. literally feels like its filmed int he same way as things like Teen Wolf that were almost 10 years earlier. its so janky. zero patience and sense to appreciate the scene itself without all this ridiculous cinematic embellishment. its so unnecessary. if even this show did this less, this show would legitimately be 7x better. saru looks so beautiful with that warm white rear light this is such a gorgeous instance of practical effects and they got the PERFECT actor to don saru Ash looks like someone ive literally known in my own life 😭 i love these red jewels on L'Rell's armour/clothing costume and design department did a great great job in this show's production - i have no beef with them.

i like saru's mouth shape its so odd. idk why i feel so detached from this show. oh dang angry saru. ferocious oml yo these are such pretty crystals] saru running in THOSE? HAAHAHAH damn had to CG him hahah that one camera shot was funny though it almost looked like the show said "yes. he can run in these". lol oh damn convincing gore i like how we continue seeing blood in trek with DISCO when i t really started in Enterprise. oh shit ANGRY SARU BRUH HE BACKKICKED HER LIKE A HORSE this stick man being so strong the way hes breaking that device literally looks like classic trek style bundle two hands together and bash DBZ style XD

really pretty tree thing though oooo the transporter circles at the bottom look SOO nice dude look at his detail up close its fucking amazing oh my god such masterfully done painting speckling im genuinely impressed damn, im sorry saru. though i think, who DOES live without fear. man costume design is wonderful. these red markings are really good they compliment their faces really well This is so odd. I have NEVER had this kind of feeling of "detachment" from a Trek production before. The fuck is happening. Ugh.

Not liking Bryan Fuller x Alex Kurtzman directing style in this show, like, at all.

I am just waiting for when this show gets better.

Cuz it's lost a lot of my anticipation.

We'll see. Hopefully.

[voidscreaming77]

AUUUUUUGH FUCKING AUGH FUCKFUCK IT FUCKING SHIT I FUCKING ATE HATE HATE FUCKIG SLAMMNG MY HEAD INTO THE WALL FUCKING I WANT TO SCREAM INS THE DIRT I FUKIGNNF FUCK AAAAAAAAAEHEBGKS PNCHIGN MYSELK PUNCHING THE WALL PUNCHING THE WALL KICKING SHIT THROWING SHTI I FUCKING HATE WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER ID RATHER YOU SAY SHIT TO MY FACE DONT FUCKING JUST FUCKING SIENTLY OR BEHIND ME BE ANNOYED AND TIRED AND SICK AND TIRED OKAY HOW ABOUT TELL ME I GET THAT SOMETIMES IM TOO FUCKING MUCHAND I DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS HOE I EXPRESS THAT I AM HAPPY TO KNOWN YOU I TALK THATS HOW I EXPRESS THAT IM HAPPY I TALK AND SEND THINGS CUS I WANT TO JUST INTERACT AND IM SORRY THAT’S SO ANNOYING TO YOU. SORRY THAT YOUVE GOTTEN TIRED OF ME CUS U ALL , ALL OF YOU, DECIDED ON ONE. FUCKING. THING. THAT YOU ALL CAN DO TOGETHER, ITS ALL YOU FUCKING DO ANYMORE, AND I TRIED BUT I JSUT CANT DO IT, BUT I STILL TRY TO GET INVOLVED HOW I CAN SO YOU DONT ALL FORGET THAT I EXIST AND DECIDE YOU’D BE JUST AS HAPPY IF I WASN’T HERE ANYMORE CUS I JSUT DNT EVEN REGISTER AS A PERSON YOU LOOK FOREWARD TO KNOWING IS AROUND. I TRY AND GET INVOLVED IN WHAT WAYS I CAN AND IT FEELS LIEK YOU HATE IT. YOU HATE THHAT IM HERE YOU HATE IT SO MUCH ITS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN IM NOT THERE TRYING TO BE INVOLVED SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, U CANT TELL ME THAT???? YU CANT JUST SAY THAT WAY BEFORE NOW BEFORE I GOT SO UNBEARABLE THAT YOU JUST, ALL THAT YOU DO, IS NOD AND MHM ABSENTLY WHEN I TALK? WHEN IM TRYING SO HARD TO BRING UP THINGS I KNOW YOOU ALL LOVE SO I CAN HEAR YOU LITERALLY SYA A N Y T H I NG TO ME, SO I CAN SEE YOU GIVE ME A SINGLE SCRAP OF INTERACTION.?ID RATHER FUCKIGN KNOW THANSK INSTEAD OF WASTING ALL MY TIME AND EFFORT AND I FUCKING PUT SO MUCH EFFORT IN TRYING TO SHOW YOU THAT I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU MAKE ME HAPPY, I WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT LITERALLY ANNYTHING, I JUST WANT TO KNOW IM WORTH EVEN USING AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT YOURSELF, I TRY AND MAKE CHANCES JUST TO HEAR YOU TALK, I TRY SO HARDD AND I SPEND SO MUCH TIE TRYING AND I DONT GET A FUCKING SCRAP OF EFFORT BACKK. THANKS. FUCK YOU. I DONT WANT YOU TO NOT CARE ABOUTME ANY MORE I CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU I DOONT KNOW WAT ILL DO IF YOURE OKAY WITH ME STOPPING TRYING. BUT I DONT THINK YOOU’RE TRYNG AT ALL IN RETURN AND IT HURTS A LOT. ITS THE ONLY THING I CAN SEE ANYMORE. EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE THE WAYS YOURECOMPELTELY INDIFFERENT TO MY EFFORT AND LOVE. WE LIVED THROUGH A WAR TOGETHER AND YOU ARE OKAY WITH ME NO MAKING A SINGLE RIPPLE IN YOUR EXISTENCE. LITERALLY ALL BECAUSE I CANT FORCE MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING I HATE EVERYTIME I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE I MATTER TO ANY O YOU ANYMORE, BECAUSE I WONT SACRIFICE MY OTHER PASSIONS SO THAT CAN TAKE UP SPACE I NEED FOR THINGS I PUT MY SOUL INTO, I DO EVERYTHIGN I POSSIBLY CAN TO FIND THINGS I LIKE ABOUT WHAT YOU ALL LIKE SO IT CAN BE ENOUGH, AND YOU CANT BE *BOTHERED* TO GIVE ME A CRUMB OF YOUR CARE OUTSIDE OF IT?. NO I DONT WANT TO WATCH YOU ALL BOND WITHOUT ME STOP ASKING IF I WANT TO WAATCH PLEASE PLEASE PLEAS. YES ID LIKE YOU TO LET ME WATCH ANYWAY BECAUSE II CANT STOP TRYING TO BE LOVED IN RETURN. I FEEL LIKE IM LOSING ALL OF YOU. YES ID LIKE TO PASSIVELY WATCH YOU ALL LOVE EACHOTHER SOMPLETELLY SEPERATE FROM AND WITHOUT ME. I WILL JUST BE THE VOYEUR. I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE BUT IM NOT DONE CLINGING TO THE ILLUSION OF FEELING OF BEING THERE THAT IT GIVES ME. I CAN LIVE WITH BEING THE VOYEUR FOR NOW. PLEASE STOP OFFERING TO LET ME WATCH. I MISS ALL OF MY OLDEST AND CLOSEST FRIENDS.

[imraespace]

hello daily chekcin but im late and this is before i lock in on my work i have like an hour and 15 mins left basicallt bc by the time im done this ITS GONNA TAKE ME FOREVER HELPME

IWAS PLANJINGTO DO ONE DURING LUNCH BUTTHEN I LOCKED IN ON CHEM AND WHY THE HELL IS MY TEACHER MAKING EM DO EVERYTHIGB FOR THIS💔💔 WHAYEVER ITSOKAY

umumUM ONE OF MY FRIENDS OR LIKE CLASSMATES IS LIKE ATTACHED TOME BY THE HIP AND LIKE IRS SO WEIRD TO ME BC IM NOT THAT CLOSE W HIM HE BARELT ACC KNOWS ME HES ALWAYS LIEK wsp 🐙 and im like Hello! and we high five IRS SO FUNNY BUT WEIRD BC HE ACTS LIKE AN NPC (ok #rin itoshi u damn lukewarm npcs!!!) HELPME

i wanan go on a horror movie grind when im done my work and i took the fattest nap when igot hoem mueheueh I HOPE MOMI DOESNT GET MAD GANG BUTITSOKAY im gonna rewatch talk to me its honestly so cool a lot of ppl criticized it i think bc idk BUT THE MOVIE WAS SO INTERESTING TO ME SO IM REWATXHUNG 😈😈 hopefulyl i finish my work i will lock in like RIGHT NOW GUYS

OMAY DAILT QUESITONNN IF YOU HAD TO HAVE A 40CM BLUELOCK PLUSH WHO WOULD IT BE BC IM HUGGING MY RIN ONE RN ‼️‼️

- 🐙

I forgot what I did yesterday HELP school jjst past by and I just came home and I think I was playing wuwa and idk

OH WAIT HELP I READ LUNCH AND I REMEMBERED LUNCHTIMR I was studying for poa I SWEAR I WAS GONNA KNOW EVERYTHING ON THAT PAPER BUT AS SOON AS EVERTONE SAW THE PAPER WE WATCHED WACH OTHER HELP no one fails poa but we have a new teacher and she forces stuff on us and doesn't know what our old teacher taught us so say we learnt something called A we will tell that teacher we learnt A but she will say it's B and change up A into B and it confuses everyone so that's basically was the test we had yesterday and we tried our best! ANS THEN MY SEATMATE CRACKED AND WE DECIDED TO HELP EACH OTHER and it worked out until the last question came and we were both confused so then the cheating started.. SHE PULLED OUT HER PHONE AND FOUND THE SAME TEST ON YOUTUBE AND I WAS GIGGLING BC SHES WATCHING A YT VIDEO INNTYE MIDDLE OF A TEST ANS SHE KEPT HIDING AND PUTTING IT BACK IN HER PICKET BC THE TEACHER WAS STARING AT US AND I WAS STARING AT MY PAPER and TIME WAS GOING AND THAT QUESTION WAS 7 MARKS so she just said f it and pulled out her phone and started writing and I looked on her paper and copied bc yk team work! THEN MY FRIEND BEHIND ME STARTED SHOUTING IN LOWERCASE I WAS LIKE WHO IS SAYING MARA ans I turned and she's like raise up your paper! ans I did YK THIS GIRL WANTED ME TO TAKE A PICTURE ON HER PHONE.. SO SHE WAS PASSING THE PHONE TO BE UNDER THE TABLE ANS MY SEATMATE TOOK MY PAPER FROM MY TABLE AND REST IT ON HER LAP so I can yake a picture but THE TEACHER WAS WATCHING ME SO I KOVED MY HAND FROM UNDER BEHIND ME ANS MY FRIEND LET GO AT THE SAME TIME ANS THE OHONE FELL AND WE ALL STARTED TO GIGGLING AND I COUODNT TAKE IT I RESTED MY HEAD ON THE DESK ANS I TRIED TO HIDE MY GIGGLINGS ANS THE TEACHER DIDNY REACT?? SO I JUST PICKED UP THE PHONE AND SNAP A PIC AND GAVE IT BACK TO HER and handed up my paper..

don't cheat guys it's scary..

WAIT AW THATS kinda cute I used to do that with my bsf when i was like 7 she's 2 years older than me so everything she did I copied say she took some crackers to eat I took some crackers to eat and if she's gonna sleep ill go sleep!

oh wait if yall aren't close then it's odd HELP

NPC IS MAKING ME GIGFLE

I hate horror.. i can't even finish play resident evil 2 everytime I open a door I scream

idk what's talk to me!

YAS LOCK IN AND DONT CHEAT!! I don't cheat.. yesterday was different that was the teacher fault I was scared

PMGAOAMAHWB ILL WANT NAGI!!

[ganondoodle]

Hey, I adore your artstyle mate, I loveeee all the vivid colors and the fact that most of it lacks lines?? You doing the hard stuff, but it paying off 💜

can I ask, as I’d like to get into comic making, how long does it take you to finish a a single panel?

Hi!! thank you very much!! drawing lineart is incredibly frustrating to me so im very glad i was able to make the jump to mostly lineless artwork, tho im very much still at the beginning to learn how to do it xD

to answer your question, i .. cant say really, it depends on what is on the panel, and i always jump around when working on a page, i draw half of the very last panel, then jump to another, maybe i see something i want to change right away and work on the third besides i ... dont know anything about panel composition, i think in movies so i play it and try to pause it on a frame that could work as a panel, whichs is probably why it goes alot slower than normal comics, idk how much to skip gndfjknvgfdjk

im by no means an expert in making comics, you kinda have to find your own way of what works for you, i have done many in the past but all failed, i gave up before getting even one chapter done many times

general advice i can give you is, most importantly, dont wait, i know its daunting to start, but you have to start, even if you dont think you are good enough, you will always change and improve anyway, better start now or you might do it never, and remember, when a page is done its done, i know how tempting it is to go back and redo it, but if you start with that it will only lead to an endless cycle of remaking it over and over

a cause that made me abandon my old projects, was partly lack of support/recognition, but mostly that i was forcing myself to things that werent fun, like one i made in black and white bc i thought you had to do it bc color takes too long, but i live for colors, so it drained the fun out of it immediately

the only "rules" i have set for myself is that its understandable, the flow of the action doesnt flip around too much, speech bubbles are aligned in a way that guides you (of course im not perfect at that either and always learn); i dont jump between pages, i jump between working on panels, but i dont start another page before the previous is at least acceptable, otherwise id get ahead of myself and get impatient, just wanting to skip ahead and neglect older pages; and that i only work on a panel/page as long as it has acceptable quality and is fun to draw, when i notice im getting bored or frustrated i finish it quickly as best as i can and move on, otherwise it might drag the entire project down, which is why each panel or page in 'Destiny' varies alot in quality

i can barely look at the first pages .. or even at the last one i made for that matter, but its also fascinating, how much my art changes within even one update which takes me about a month for 4 pages, since i have set my 'fun' rules at least, it used to take much longer (i wish i was faster, and i could be, but i have a job, and have to look out for my health, both physically and mentally, so i take whatever time i need and draw however much i feel like drawing, no rushing)

my progress so far is that i write a rough script, what happens, what dialog, where it ends, and so on, it doesnt have to sound good, god knows mine are shitty xD but its a good guideline, even if rough! then i make a rough draft, basic panel layout, dialog (it always changes fro mthe script, again its more liek a guideline than a rule ;) ) then i start with actually drawing the first page, my art and way of .. art and writing changes incredibly fast (idk if its for the better lol) so .. by that point i redraw the rough draft version of the page if i see how it works better, rewrite dialog too, and even cut stuff from the rough draft

im not done with the first chapter (im slow af lol), but wrote the script for the second one when my hand was injured and i couldnt draw for a month, once im done with this chapter i will draw the rough draft for ch2, then write the script for ch3 then go and draw ch2 fully, at least thats the plan the more time passes the more i know what the next chapters are gonna be, tho i know the important points long before; right now i have the entirety of the first arc sepeareted into chapters, and the end of it all too, but between there its still a lil blurry and im adjusting everytime i think of soemthing better

anyway, sorry for that long ass ramble, its late and i thoguht about this ask bc im trying to get my want to draw back (not feeling well rn nkfdnkd) so i randomly decided to answer it .. probably in the most unhelpful way possible, alot of stuff noone aksed for lol

anyway, sorry, and goodnight uwu

[curiouskurona]

vil not knowing that deuce and epel are dating ( bc they are actively hiding it from him lol ) so he sets epel up with some famous and / or high class guy . maybe a fellow model or actor he met on set thats epel's age , or someone from a nobel / important family

obviously epel refuses , but vil insists

" you always dig your heels , but you end up having a good time , no ? just give it a chance , you might end up surprising yourself with how much you like him . if you dont want to go on a second date i wont push you " he reasons

epel doesnt know wether or not he should tell deuce about it , especially since he doesnt plan on this going past a first date anyways , however he decides that being honest and straightforward is best

deuce isnt ,, thrilled about it . but epel promises that itll only be one date , and it doesnt mean anything , and he'll be thinking of deuce tha whole tiem

deuce doesnt liek seeing epel being forced into an uncomfortable situation , but its not liek they can tell vil about them , so he kisses epels knuckles and looks him in tha eyes and says " i trust you "

" and if he tries anything funny , just call me and i'll come running " he does his Delinquient Pose™ . if it was anyone else epel would have been annoyed-- he can handle himself thank you very much-- but he knows that coming from deuce its out of comradery and care

they kiss , and epel has to go back to his dorm to get ready

the date goes well enough , but only because epel knows word will get back to vil if he's outright rude to tha guy . and its not liek tha guy has done anything wrong [yet?] , so really he shouldn't be too hard on tha poor sod . plus he probably doesnt want to make such an influential enemy

deuce is worried all evening , pacing back and forth in his room . he told epel that he trusted him , and he does . but he cant help but worry ,,

ace and grim convince him that its for tha best to go check up on epel , just to maek sure he's okay ( wether or not they know tha situation , i'll leave up to you . they purrobably figure deuce has a crush on epel , at least )

tha guy totally isnt epels type . hes snooty and self-absorbed , and epel just about threw his drink in his face wen he saw him roll his eyes at tha waitstaff ( theyre at some fancy restaurant , of course ) , but he bit his tongue and stayed in his seat . just maek it through tha night , epel ,,

tha guy lieks epel though . he mistook epel biting his tongue as being cutely shy , or perhaps elegant and demure , what a quiet and enigmatic beauty ,,

adeuce and grim can only watch from outside through a window ( lbr they arent getting in lol with what money . plus they didn't maek a reservation ) . ace n grim want to do some sitcom-y shenanagins liek pretending to be waiters to spy on tha date , but deuce holds them back

eventually tha meal is finished , and tha pair leave tha restaurant , adeuce + grim frantically scrambling out of sight . tha guy walks epel home , and tha trailing trio keep a respectable distance , popping up from bushes and trashcans liek in a cartoon

wen they get back to [ campus ? tha dorms ?? or if u want this to be an AU just back at vil n epels apartment or something . or mansion . insert location here ] tha guy tries to snag a kiss , but epel leans back and turns his face away

guy : " ah , of course-- i shouldnt rush things . i hope i didnt scare you , my delicate flower " * brushes epels hair behind his ear *

epel : * excalibur cringe *

epel has to break it to him that this was just a one tiem thing . honestly itd be easier to just ghost him but epel isnt that type . " listen , i appreciate your tiem , but i really dont think we should keep seeing eachother . get home safe , goodnight "

deuce is secretly relieved and also is watching intently . if this guy tries to give epel shit bc he got rejected ,,

theres an awkward silence but thankfully tha guy is just liek " well . i seem to have misread tha situation . good day " and speedwalks outta there w a strained smile , purrobably embarrassed . hes kind of a prick but i feel a lil bad 4 him lol awkwaaaaard

idk it was kinda hard to figure out how i wanted to end this , i could see this going many different ways and towards tha end i could feel myself spinning my wheels . id be fine if this ended @ tha 7th bullet point honestly but i wanted 2 do moar ,, im not entirely satisfied but ive got nothin bettr atm lol . i didnt rlly focus on tha concept of deuce n epel hiding their relationship from vil enough , i think

anyways . maybe tha guy cant stop thinking about epel and keeps trying for another date , sending flowers and chocolates and stuff , much to deuces displeasure . vil immediately enters protective mode n tells tha guy to back off lol . epel isnt interested so bye

or maybe tha tabloids caught pics of them and now epel is on a bunch of magazine covers . mystery date makes [ popular guy ] swoon ? vil schoenheit's protege entering tha showbiz world as a charming young bachelor ? does bruno mars is gay ?

epel and deuce spend tha next few days lounging around reading headlines to eachother and laughing about it

also cuddling a lot . bc deuce loves epel and he didnt liek seeing him w someone else and he just wants 2 b close to him

unfortunately for both of them , vil might find som other ppl to set epel up with . why lose this momentum ? epel could be tha next big thing , and there's certainly a lot of interest / suitors now

gl @ nearly everyone in this situation LOL

[bloodycassian]

reader x azriel - azriel takes reader to a bakery.

Azriel's cool charm filled the room, his shadows snaking the floor and receding as the meeting quieted. Without a word, he nodded in dismissal at the group and they continued debating again. He sat back, stone faced while the high lords discussed what there was to be done about The Middle. More specifically, the mountain and caverns underneath that had hosted the horror show for forty nine years. 

Guards stationed behind each high lord and their company, Azriel devoured the information his shadows brought back to him. There wasnt a single person in the room without at least two daggers on them. 

You leaned back in your chair next to Thesan, resting your chin on your hand. The plush amenities of Day court and their pastel colors had taken some getting used to over the last week, but you grew to appreciate the massive table in front of you. Large enough to fit all seven high lords and their company around it, along with a few extra chairs. If it wasnt for the lofty ceilings and open windows into several balconies you would have thought such a harty table to be gawdy, but in this instance it seemed utterly necessary. Especially when Rhysand's cousin slapped a giant map of Pryhtian down on it and the high lord's power shifted pawns throughout. Mapping each court's armies and defenses. 

A few of the leaders adjusted pawns, moving a few troops from one side of their court to another. Azriel perked up from his darkened corner at this, stepping forward and taking a glance at the map. He glared in your direction, catching your eye. He was utterly breathtaking, even with such a malice filled look on his face. You broke his stare to glance at your court's pawns on the map. A moment's hesitation after each high lord had stopped moving their pieces made your stomach drop. You glanced toward Thesan, seeing if he would move.  Rhysand seemed to be waiting as well. Azriel slowly, threateningly moved two of Thesan's pawns further south. He crossed his arms and walked back to his corner, his shadows almost hiding him completely. You felt Thesan tense as he shot Rhysand a charming grin.

You met the dark eyes of the spymaster, and rose from your seat. Stepping between a Beron and Kallis to move two more pawns east. You met his eyes again and winked, turning and going back to your seat. Thesan had ordered you before you left for the meeting to disperse your forces throughout the land, so it would make sense that the spymaster didnt know if the extra changes.

The room was tense, each high lord looking to each other to see if anyone else was hiding their foces. Helion suddenly let out a booming laugh, makin you jump slightly. "Rhysand have you been keeping your spymaster too busy perhaps?"  Rhysand chuckled, leaning forward in his seat and purring his reply "I'll have to send them back to training camp." His general's wings flared slightly and you fought to hold back a smile. Azriel revealed nothing, and said nothing until the meeting was over.

You were cleaning the scattered pawns from the map when Azriel approached. He was silent, but pushed the figuines from his side over to you in a pile. You nodded thankfully, eyeing him as he moved to roll up the cloth map still laid out over the grand table. You felt your hands get clammy, the silence in the room was palapable. The only other sounds were the hushed rustling of the trees in the slight breeze outside. The balcony doors were still open, and a cool wind slithered into the room. You opened the cloth bag for the pawns, there was a sudden clattering against the marble floor. You sighed, setting the bag down. Before you turned to pick it up you noticed the darkened atmospehre of the room. Then bumped straight into Azriel's chest in your distraction. 

"Sorry I-" You felt your face turn hot and made to step back, only to find yourself slipping on the damned pawn. He caught your arm, stablising you. "Are you normally this accident prone?" He asked, a small smirk on his lips. You looked to where his hand held you, and noticed the textured skin there. He cleared his throat and lowered your arm. 

"I guess you could blame it on the wind." You stammered. What you meant to say was 'I guess you could blame it on the fine Illyrian shadow master in the room'. His smirk seemed to say he knew exactly what you were thinking. And maybe with those shadows he did know. His build seemed to fill the room standing this close to you, broad shoulders -t support the massive wings no doubt- and muscles and the hair was immaculate. He smelled of pine and leather, sea salt and something darker. Maybe that was the shadows themselves. 

"You dont like the cold?" He asked, head tilting slightly. 

"Should I really be telling a spymaster anything that I'm afraid of?" You challenged, smiling at him. His eyes seemed to light up. He nodded and stepped back. You forgoe the groan of displeasure at the empty space between you. 

"Have you ever really been in the cold before? Dawn court and all.." He trailed off, sauntering towards the balcony and motioning you to follow. You obeyed, dropping the cloth bag on the table. You took your time approaching him, marvelling at the wings he bore. How thick the outer edges were, and how delicate the inner folds looked. In the dull darkness you could barely make out the inky black forms of them as he stretched them out. They flared and tilted, and you understood why they were so hard to see. 

His shadows had melded into the darkness, shielding them and his lower half completely, Blending him into the night. Becoming a shadow himself. You felt a chill run through you at the sight. He was darkness, and all the whispers on the wind. The epitome of pure silence, but not pressing, a soothing darkness, silence and comfort. Liek a comfort of sleep. 

"Are you going to stare or come for a ride with me?" he asked, folding his wings in tight and turning towards you. He leaned back on the balcony confidently, the column of his neck exposing a few scars behind his ear. You shuddered to think of what kind of beast could make such an impact on someone who was mist and shadow. 

"If someone sees us Thesan will know immidea-" He cut you off with a stare, and you felt coolness begin creeping up your legs. You felt nervous, heart hammering in your chest as he stood so close to you, eyes knowingly glancing to your chest briefly. His shadows danced around you like a fog, asking permission to cover you further. And you were sure they were reporting back to him how badly he had riled you.

 "No one will see us." He promised, holding a hand out to you. You took a steadying breath and nodded nervously. As soon as you touched that scarred hand he had you covered in the snaking darkness, the tendrils weaving around you protectively. It felt like being in a heavy ocean mist, and it brought goosebumps to your skin. Azriel huffed a small laugh as he bent to scoop you up.

Before you could protest and come up with some sort of excuse, he had you cradled to his chest and he was summoning those shadows even more around the both of you. 

And then you were falling. Your stomach leapt into your throat, fingers clawing into Azriel's shoulders. You were sure you were dead when the feeling stopped. "Open your eyes." The shadow master squeezed you a bit extra, getting your attention. "I dont think I can." you muttered, but slowly peeked through your lashes to see the millions of tiny lights below. 

The breath was stolen from you as your eyes flew open, gazing in amazement at the city below. Dawn court was built more upwards than any of the other courts, so you were used to seeing castles towering above and lights shine from them. But you'd never seen the city from this high. You wondered how he had flown so high in such a short time but decided you didnt want to know the answer even if he could tell you. The enormous archways of the high lord's palace was visible from the sky. The stars above were dull, as usual in Dawn and Day court. You never found much pleasure or satisfaction at night in either  territory. It only made you wonder what Night court's stars were like. If the moon beckoned and blessed the land like the noon sun seemed to make everything in Day court shimmer. 

 "You can stop trying to claw me to death at any time." His voice rumbled softly, almost scaring you. You loosened your grip on him, only enough so he wouldn't complain. He banked slowly, you could only tell so because the spires coming closer to you as you approached the center of the city. The streets below were lit with clear bright lights that showed off all the boutiques of main street and the patio areas for bars all around. The stained glass windows of second story balconies reflected pastel lights on to the sidewalks, painting them in pastels. 

You could smell the bakery below, churning out different treats of pastries and breads for the late night drinkers. The sweet warm smell of it made your mouth water. "Would you like to stop in somewhere?" Azriel asked as he whisked you upward again, avoiding the tall lights as the city rose up hill. 

"I think you might be recognized a bit too easily." You chided, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. He was watching the sky, his face unlike any expression you'd ever seen him wear. At peace, it seemed. He didnt have the clenched jaw or stern eyebrow look anymore. His hair ruffled slightly at the small breeze that came through the shield he had placed around you. 

He considered his fame as Spymaster for a moment, then nodded. And plummeted you downwards into the city. You fought not to scream, only digging your nails into his skin again, hoping it hurt. He landed in a narrow alley, hidden from the blinding lights of the street. The smell of sweets hung in the air. You still held tight on to his arm after he set you on your feet. You then shoved him, palm straight into his shoulder and sent him a step back, his wings flared and balanced him before he could falter any further. "You could tell me next time!" You growled at him. A clever grin graced his features, smoothing out his surprise at the shove. 

"Only members of the night court get free flying privileges." He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "I expect my payment with a side of cinnamon." He nodded towards the street. You glanced back and he was gone, likely shouded in the darkness somewhere. You whispered curses at him while heading to the bakery.

"Why do you like cinnamon so much?" You asked around a mouthful of sweet bread. Azriel had devoured his chocolate and cinnamon twist, along with the extra side of cinnamon. He still had evidence of it on his face and shirt despite the windy takeoff before he put his shield up. "Why dont you?" He retorted, his powerful wings gliding you around the east side of the tower where the week of meeting had taken place.

"I just wouldnt expect the Shadow master of the Night Court to have such a sweet tooth." You grinned at him, absently wiping the sugar from his face. His eyes went to yours in an instant, and your heart hammered being pinned by that stare. He landed gracefully on the balcony, eyes still locked on you. He merely stood there, holding you. Both frozen. 

[misterbitches]

i keep thinking about this and coming to more conclusions like both as an artist and me. 

we always think first about the aggressor and not the victim. so, for example, with history 4 and yong jie what will their relationship look like now given the trauma? if they have no interest in fleshing this dude out and having him just be an annoying clingy little ugly bitch then acknowledge that pain and how it will affect them. it’s so easy for xing si to get over being raped? what about xing si’s relationship with his mother? what about the fracturing this does to the family when there’s an intense violation that was aided and abetted by the mother?

that would be far more fascinating trying to figure out and they could still have them be together if they so desperately need it but they can’t ignore everything. that means the trauma will permeate through every part of your life. it’s hilarious that so many fans say the portrayals are realistic because they are not. these shows do not have the time and many of the writers or producers do not have the care or prowess—or will have to cut things to please the state—to execute this. they expedite the healing process but we are left reeling. 

in film school one of my teachers was always like, “what happens in the world when the film ends?” and this is something to ask. are we approaching it from: a man falls in love with his brother who raped him and the mother encouraged it and the shock and taboo of that or are we approaching it from a man is forced and trapped into a rship and stockholm syndrome and how that plays out. even if they stayed together even so it would give us more reason and understanding and then we see and know the foundation is built on nothing but darkness and may never recover. after this chapter ends  there may be destruction; it’s possible because that’s how it all started.

but after this story ends, in the way it is presented, what will happen? it’s not just entertainment and that doesn’t mean it’s as big of a deal as i think it is even as i write these things. these are just things to keep in mind and things i think the younger viewers absolutely need to see. for themselves like as creative people and enjoying the media they consume and seeing what works and what doesn’t especially when a work serves a purpose. nothing is made for no reason so don’t expect it to be. to me i’m like: why was this made and what could have been better? 

there is NO improvement which is why we run around in the same circles. the way to untangle that is being clear about the message and its faults. the audience can’t be clear about it if the show isn’t doing its job for a team of professional fucking writers trying to entice people by poorly approaching topics and leaving them empty handed. life is not as hollow as these things make it and yet we eat it up hook line and fucking sinker. 

time and time again we see what these things must establish and how far they can push themselves. it isn’t until the material world gets better that we see a turn in the media but time isn’t linear. sometimes things are worse in years, sometimes things are better. these tropes last because they are a direct reflection of life and the failures in society. so of course it’s about the perpetrator and how they can get their prize but not how we can manage these things when there is a clear victim and we pretend like it isnt there under some sense of potential reform. 1. people do not need to be reformed in a story and that isn’t what this needs 2. is that compelling? 3. yes morally grey things exist but this is not morally grey when it is a violation adn that person’s action was not morally grey. there was a victim and he neeeds to be away from that victim. if he is going to stay we need to see the affects of him being there as real things and there is nothing realistic about that. in no fucking world would someone like xing si a grown adult fucking man be able to temper things that quickly as in the show. NONE. that shit lasts forever but we are supposed to see them kiss and be liek “aw wow morally grey” like what about him is morally grey in relation to xing si? specifically. whihc is the personhe will be with forever.

no it’s how do we get ourselves to see him and engage with him. you can engage with him or be enraptured sure but that doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t mean the writers are even doing anything with it! i’m glad eveyrone can garner there own idk ideas or get what they want out of a work but what about the victims? what about the relationships? what happens when the story ends? what are dinners like? cos their lives don’t stop when it’s not being recorded (as in these worlds we are shown are always going to exist so they continue on even without us seeing it. so the characters don’t have a stop point we just usually see their happy ending and many times with shitty relationships it’s like why are we here now?) at this point it’s comical and it’s boring. 

there’s a film i like with cameron diaz where she falls in love with someone who kidnapped her for a job. there’s no perosnal connection which really helps as well. he did it for a job, doesn’t know her, they fall in love. they get together at the end. that still affects her but it’s also way less psychological trauma then somoene stalking and grooming you and violating you and trapping you by direct action and constant manipulation. there’s no way to turn that around and it’s even worse when you try to with literally no other explanations. like who are these fucking characters and why should we even want them to continue to be here? yong jie could have even been a vehicle to help xing si like idk unpack everything in his brain in a helpful way even through his violation. they chose none of that lmao i could write a better fucking script and im a moron

why should we believe in their love? why should we believe in yong jie? why should we believe in any of these people when they don’t prove shit to us. they just exist. why is that interesting? why do we root for them? that’s certainly not something they even asked themselves cause they sure as shit don’t know. the writing here cannot make up its mind on its own morality and i think the idea of morally grey only works if you have a fucking idea of what you want to do not just throwing shit at a wall. and we feel something for these “morally grey” characters—frankly this term is also a mistake because it’s so much about good/bad and ignores history and peoples lives and what leads to events and it is a super WASP-y concept in its current iteration anyway with a belief that punity is justice when it is not. that is why i say get the fuck away from this dude instead of going to jail. we could see yong jie grow but FUCKING OUTSIDE OF XING SI.

aey from lovely writer is one where im like wow i feel so bad 4 u i think ur gonna like kill urself someone get this messy ass bitch some help. people hate this kid and they totally can! i feel bad for him! dont love him and maybe i wont even want the best for him but rn im like “omg i dont want u 2 die sir.”

i dont feel that way in many other shows. i feel fucking nothing for these men. not yong jie and not even the old guy from modc im just like ok you exist and i’m going to ignore you. there is nothing in my chest lmao. i look at them and feel cold, couldnt be drier, cos it’s stale and boring and trite and nothing new at all. it’s not realisitc and it’s not even entertaining. it’s just...there. 

i mean it’s there with the reminder of “oh man i am not interested in your love story also isn’t your boyfriend like 40 and you’re 17? why do you like each other again? does this kid have parents? Wait, what’s happening? uhhhh am i supposed to like this? where are his parents? what’s gonna happen when he turns 23 and realizes how fucked up that shit is? can we see that?” and before u know it the sex on screen is over so that was just unpleasant all around.

and i cannot give u a single reason for so many couples why they like each other. like literally what on earth is there for the two of these people to be attracted to. at least one is being swayed by power but what’s the other one doing? oh nothing he just sucks? ok got it.

if we don’t approach it from a “how do we get people to like a shitty person or a person who does things that harms others” it continues on like this. questioning questioning questioning the comfortableness and never thinking about what the fuck the victim can do, what the fuck is even going on in their heads. and if they can’t do that then we go back to the question: what is the purpose of it? if the answr is “just because” then you have a failure on your hands and a lot of annoyed people. sorry not sorry 

[thelesbianlegacy-swtor]

Galaxy Guide to Loving Girls! Pregancy Tips and info

Listen herwildWell helloo there to all my wonderful fangirls! Today we are going to talk aabout something so special and magic that it makes our bellies fill up with butterflies!

Pregancy! There are tons of different species of girls out there. SO every pregancy has some differences. But we have come here to bring you what we think, are the hottest tips depending on the specie of your girl!

If you are dating a Buff and battle hardened mandalorian, you might want ot invest on some chains. This girls are ferocious! Which mean that in the early days they might be running around in full ocmbat armor trying to take down armies of soldiers while having morning sickness! So you want to sith with them and explain that they have a little baby inside them, and they cant fight as before anymore. Take out all the weapons you are hidding and let your girl burn some of that war cravings around the house. Remember that your girl will het a bit more stubborn that usual. Have a lot of patience with them. 

Now for our girls with a loving and sexy Twileak or togruta girlfriend, you might want to learn a couple of massages routines. Lekkus become extra sensitive with pregnancy and so, they make headaches much more frequent. Take a look around the house and take away anything that makes anoying noises. Using creams on the lekkus will also help a lot. And just a FYI in case you dont know it. If the lekkus of a twileak become more sensitive, its in every sense of the way. So we careful when rubbing your girlfriend lekkus. It might get too sensitive for them! On the other side it might be just want you want to do when alone at night.

Their green skin is one of the prettiest of the galaxy and you know who am i talking about! Mirialans as well as humans have some usual pregnancy cravings and symptons. But theres something they get a bit more than others. Whateve you do. No matter what. You dont wnat to threaten a pregnant mirialan. They will jump at you with a knife and gut you like a Nerf. Mirialans hormones are all about the fight or fight insting! And thats no typo girls, This sexy gals will rip appart anyone who threaten their babies or partners.

If you have manage to land a chiss girlfriend, let me say something first. You are a leyend! Chiss girls are amongst the more shy and introverted girls around. The chiss society its a bit less chaotic that the rest of the galaxy. But that changes when they have a little baby in the way! Chiss girls might get a mood swing like no other! And this is no little one. They can go from a shy library girl that enjoys silence, to a cvrazy party girl that wants to jump and bounce around the place! Its amazing! Mostly this is a fun little change form ost but you still want to keep an eye on them. Some get too wild and might need some help to clam down. Their mood will go back to normal after giving birth

Listen here. Cravings are the worst part about a pregnancy for most. Its weird to want something that you cant find or even know what is. For those dating a sith girl, or pregnant by one, you might have a really bad time. That is if you dont read this magazine! Because we have ask around and we know what cravings sith girls and pregnant by sith girls will want. Read closely if you or your partner are force sensitive. So. Sith purebloods have a...weird type of craving when pregnant. It comes back to the original diet on their home world before going to space. They require a type of slurry made out of....blood. Now that might sound a bit off but let me assure you that no matter the specie is totally safe. You can even mix it up! Just be sure to get the right ingredients. And for those still asking .It is blood and some other things

We talked about how mandalorians have a hard time getting of the war mood when pregnant. How mirialans will go to war if you even dare threating their child But we come now to a type of girl that will have the opposite reaction. Nautolans get a bit shy when pregnant. Some even get paranoid. They will run away if they feel in danger or even if they get scared, Some get a bit emotional when under pressure and just cry a lot. More than usual if comparing with humanlike pregnancies. So you want to put a really brave face for your girl, always be around her and make sure there are no sudden noises and movements when she is around. 

Zabrak girls. Theres nothign wrong about their pregnancies. They seem to have one of the easiest ones around. They dont get to many cravings. Headaches actually go down as they get ready to have a crying baby. They dont get aggressive. So you might be asking. Whats the problem then? Well girls. It takes two to make a baby. And i said the zabraks have it easy. The hard part is for you! Zabrak get a interesting mood swing during pregnancy. They dont cry. They dont get angry. They get horny! And thats not a pun! Zabrak girls will not be able to keep their hands of you! And specially you. Your pregnant grilfriend might as well chain you to the bed because most of the time, that will be were she needs you. With the hyper libido increase, also comes a ton more of energy. So froget about cleaning or cooking. As long as you can stay awake withthem in bed your girl is going to be a one woman army! With the same sexual needs may i add

Last but not least important we have the best cuddlers in the galaxy. Cathar girls are adorable and no one will ever say otherwise. Pregnancy for them comes with the opposite fenomenon that zabrak. This girl will have such a boost in their cuteness, sexyness, or whatever made you liek them during pregnancy, that it will be YOU who literally wont be able to keep their hands of them! We have taken testimonies about girls feeling their cathar girls get either a sexier voice, a lust inducent smell, a fur so soft that it actually arouse you and even times when their eyes just make you want to undress! Its sounds crazy but trust me girls. Its 100% REAL. So if you are putting a bun in a cathar oven you might want to plan ahead

And with that comes the end of this new issue for the Galaxy Guide to loving girls about pregnancies! We hope you enjoy the issue today and we will be taking any request you have. Follow us for more fun tips about girls, stories, ideas and even fanfictions! If you have any type of idea or request, feel free to send it right away! 

A special thank you to @jedimasterbailey for her information about Mirialan girls

@swtor-legacy-sitcom for the Sith Blood Slurry Recipe.

@classie-cassy for the info on mandalorian girls

[perqabeth]

2, 3, 6, 7, 20 ( ignore the ones you're uncomfy with ) also ily

im typing htis in the dakr bc im not supposed to b eusing my cimpiter hehehe my rtpos are gonna b a hundred times worse im seorry

Q2. what is your preferred method of non-physical self destruction? — HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM probably listening to sad songs, wallowing in my self pity, trying not to cry and not reaching out to anyone when i know they will hear me out and be there for me. like thinking about everything i hate abt myself is never ending so i'll never run out of material!1!!! and then i end up thinking about all the horrible things ive done and the only irl best friends i had before and YEAHHH WHEWWW

Q3. what is your favorite way to self care? — girl do i even do self care,,, p sure i dont sobs. BUTT talking to a person who i feel like im not forced to talk to liek osmeone i genuinely feel liek talkign tot at that moment and doesnt make me feel like shit or make me feel like i need to say smth witty or anytign remotely funny and try hard just like?#$%^&* MALKES ME SO HAPPY?%^&*@ nika bestay im esp talking abt you muah muah you dont have tumblr but thats FIIIIIINE

Q6. what is something that you’ve always wanted to do but have never been able to do? — bro i itray hav no ambition rn im so sCARED#?$%^&* but i think ive always wanted to play an instrument, learn to sketch propely and be an extroverted person who always makes her family proud </3 yeah i;'ll tell you when that happens 👍 OH LMAO AND WORK ON MY ANGERY ISSUES GOODBYEEE

Q7. what is your fatal flaw? — naw sir the REAL question should be fatal flaws because whew girl do i have a LOT 🤡🤡 anyway im very VERY prideful it will literally get me killed one day. i can be very over confident and condescending, if i feel slightly threatened i will say he meanest shit just so i dont get hurt first, i often dont blame myself or takje a step back from the situation and look where someting went wrong i'll just blame the other person/people first, i run away from all my problems first and solve it when i feel like it. i can also be entitled andattention seekign are these even fatal flaws hold awn...

Q20. tell me what you think others think about you. — here comes the self loathing.... S0GH i honestly think im not that important ngl. also that im very unfunyn and try too hard 👍 oh they might also think i dont care abt them bc im never online... lemme look away rq. that im loud and make WAYY TOOOO MANY typos <///3 overall not the best person to be around ngl like theres always someone better 🤭😇👌🤣😂 BUTT i'd also like to think my friends think i can like..... im like....... icanlikeshowaffectionorimaffectionateoriHAVElovetogiveandstuffokbye

[wxsuthorn]

random pangwave au i just thought of: wave works part-time at a library or smth and pang is forced to go to the library to work on a project with his friends (otherwise he wouldn’t ever be in a library) and he asks wave where a book is (pronouncing the name of the author horrendously) and wave is like “it’s pronounced _____, dumbass” and he gets the book for him and pang is pressed like wtf why r u so rude jeez so he comes back to the library whenever he can cuz so that he can angrily look at wave because he’s just that appalled at him until he starts to notice small things about wave that makes his heart go KAKDMKDLEZKD and starts to stare less angrily. then like one day he asks his friends to go to the library and everyones just kinda like ???? we finished the project yesterday why do you want to go to the library again???? and pang’s like kanskdkdj this stupid dude called me a dumbass so i wanna angrily stare at him. and they’re all like

👁👄👁

they don’t go so pang just goes on his own and just does his thing until oh shit he’s walking towards me wHAT DO I DO

and wave is like “thats a nice book you got there” and pangs like “but i dont have—” “no shit, dumbass” and instead of getting mad pangs just kinda like 💖👄💖 until he realises he needs to stop staring and say something so that wave doesn’t think he’s a creep.

“ah, well, what book would you recommend? ive been trying to get more into reading lately”

“well, what genres do you like?”

and pangs just kinda like KWNSKDKDJD cuz wave is talking to him directly without calling him a dumbass

“im not sure, im not really into reading... but i want to get more into it, yknow, it might make me smarter.”

and wave recommends pang to read a murder mystery and he ends up getting really into it and comes to the library like every day to talk to wave about who he this the killer is and wave is just like

💖👄💖

because honestly what a dork and they talk about the book and they’re both just in the moment being dorks talking about a book and it’s just really cute and they’re really happy and they like each other sm TT

then pang finishes the book and he’s kinda sad cuz it means no more talking to wave about the book but then wave suggests him to read another book where the two male mcs are LOVE INTERESTS AND PANG READS IT WHILE IMAGINING HIMSELF AND WAVE AS THE MCS KANSKDKDNDJD and he’s just like omg why am i thinking like this wave obviously doesnt liek me like that while wave is like... am i being too obvious that i like him.

and wave is the only thing pang ever talks about to hsi friends because the way he scrunches his face to push his glasses up when they slide down makes him look like a pug and everyone needs to know.

i might write this fic in like a year when im motivated

[bestillmyslashyheart]

The Red Name pt 4

part one || part two || part three

The bed was cold when Michael woke up. The sun was high in the sky and Alex was long gone. All that was left in the whole cabin were the sheets on the bed and Michael’s phone on Alex’s pillow. The notification light was blinking and Michael already didn’t care about what anyone had to say to him right now. 

He unlocked it anyway when he saw the new email icon. He never got emails. 

It was from Alex.

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

We should’ve talked. That was always our problem, if we’re honest. Too much sex and not enough talking.

I’m glad we didn’t though. You were right, we’d just make each other sad and angry and that’s not how I wanted to spend my last night with you. Because that’s what it was. Regardless of what happens on my deployment, we both know this thing between us is in the past and it’s time I gave up and moved on like you’ve managed to do. 

Over the last two years I wrote you a lot of emails. Basically whenever I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t I’d write an email. I’m not sure why I’m doing this now but I just sent all of them to you. You can read them or delete them, it’s up to you, I guess. 

I love you. That hasn’t changed and it never will. 

Goodbye Michael.

A

Michael blinked away the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes. For all that he’d shoved Alex away over the last few years and flaunted the fact that he could move on, Alex telling him goodbye broke his heart. Michael wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. It felt like one thing after another just piled on until there was no hope left. He wanted to fix it, even when he’d been with Maria part of him had wanted to fix it, he just didn’t know how. And now it was too late.

Rereading the email, he spotted the part about new emails and quickly exited out of that one. And there they were. Michael scrolled down to find the oldest one but it was impossible to tell. They didn’t seem to be in any particular order so he just clicked one and then another and then another.

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I saw you at the Pony today. You looked like shit. Have you been sleeping? Eating? Or are you just existing on alcohol and acetone?

I hope it’s making you feel better because it’s not helping anyone. Not your sister, who really needs you right now by the way, not me, not Maria, and certainly not Max. 

I wish you’d let me help you.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You drive me crazy sometimes you know that? First, you want nothing to do with me or Project Shepherd. And now it’s all you care about. Well, Project Shepherd at least. You still don’t seem to want anything to do with me.

Am I suddenly that repulsive to you? Because of my father? Fuck him. Seriously, Guerin, fuck. him. Don’t let him do this to us.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You could’ve at least done me the courtesy of telling me you were dating Maria instead of letting me find out by walking in on you two.

Fuck you Michael

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You need to pull yourself together. Your sister is drowning and she needs you and you don’t even notice. Liz and I should not be the ones keeping her afloat. She needs her brother, dammit. 

If only I could get you to stay in the same room as me for longer than 2 seconds

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I can’t decide if you’re oblivious or stupid or just plain cruel

I get it, okay. You moved on. You’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy but I really don’t need a front row seat to you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat okay? Would it kill you to cool it on the pda?

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Max is back. You weren’t there.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I’m drunk. I shouldn’t bother with this it’s not like you’re going to read it anyway but I’m drunk and I’m lonely and it’s my birthday

Ten years apart and you never missed my birthday but now that I’m back you can’t be bothered? I want to be mad at you but I’m too sad to be mad

What did I do wrong Michael? Why are you doing this?

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You ever throw something anywhere near the vicinity of Maria again and I swear to god I will knock you on your ass

Don’t touch her. Don’t even get close. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

It’s the anniversary of Caulfield and I don’t want you to be alone but you won’t let me near you

I hope you told Maria what day it is or Isobel or someone. I hope you’re not alone.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry Michael

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You look happy

I miss you

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I never thought of us as having an anniversary, not really, but if we had one it would be today

I was ready, Michael. I was fucking ready dammit. Why’d you have to pick then to finally be the one to walk away? I mean I know I deserved it after all the times I left you but your timing sucks.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I got my new posting. Also got new orders to deploy. I’m leaving Roswell and I don’t think I’m coming back this time

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You came by today. I’m pretty sure it's the first time you’ve been out here since you told me in no uncertain terms that we were done. You wanted more info on Project Shepherd, on the Alighting that Noah mentioned. You could barely look me in the eyes. It was like I was just a colleague and not even one you particularly liked that much and it hurt. 

I get that we’re never going to be together but why can’t we be friends? Is it really that impossible? We’re either fucking or not looking each other in the eye? No in between? That’s bullshit

Why do you get to decide everything? When do I get a say in this? What if I want more? Do you even care what I want?

Don’t answer that. It’s pretty fucking obvious you don’t.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I had lunch with Liz and Rosa and Maria today. It was awkward and painful. I’ve never hated you before but I think I hate you for fucking up my friendship with Maria. She was all I had for years and now it’s ruined because of you

Be happy with her. Make it worth it

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

It’s not your fault. Me and Maria I mean. We fucked that up all on our own and neither one of us have really tried to fix it. You played a part, yeah, but don’t blame yourself for this too. You put too much on yourself already, you shouldn’t add this to it

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You make a beautiful couple

Better than we ever did. Not that we were ever a couple. Not like you and Maria

We wouldn’t have worked right? That’s why you left? Because we would’ve crashed and burned?

Merry Christmas Michael

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

For someone who got angry every time I  mentioned the Air Force you really didn’t seem to care that I re-upped. I don’t know what to make of that. 

I’m going to protect you Michael, I promise. My father will never get his hands on you or your family ever again.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Why can’t I get over you? I’ve tried fucking other guys, dating other guys, it doesn’t matter. 

I’ve never been able to get over you. I don’t know why I thought now would be any different.

All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Full disclosure - I’ve had a lot to drink. Liek a lot 

Did you know that your people essentially mate for life? Yep. Turn 30 and the true essence of your heart will reveal itself on your skin and name the person you love most. It will stay there forever. Cant be cut off or inked over. Cant change neither. Once its there its there

Your turning 30 in a few months

I wont survive seeing her name on you i wont

I filed papers for a transfer today. Project Shepherd is basically dead and by the time the transfer comes through it will be really dead and i cant stay here anymore im not strong enough. I need to be not here when her name comes

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Its my name. Fucking hell Michael its MY name?? 

What the fuck have the last two years been if its mY FUCKING NAME?

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

It hurt before when i thought you’d truly moved on but this? Oh this takes the cake

You love me. More than LITERALLY anything. And you still dont care enough to be with me

This is…

You should’ve left me in Caulfield and just saved yourself

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

You left a birthday present in my car. Why?

Thank you

I love it

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Her name is Mara. 

She used to sing to the other prisoners when they were scared. She had such a beautiful voice. 

You won’t let me tell you about her but I think you should know. This was your mother, you should know who she was.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to find out the right way. I really am.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I saw you on the street today. You were outside the jewelry store.

I wish you both a long happy life together. You both deserve it.

A

There were more. So many more. Michael had to stop and pace himself or he’d start breaking things.

It took him weeks to get through all of them. Some made him cry, some made him smash every fragile thing in Max’s house (he owed him new windows), but some made him smile.

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I got a dog. Her name is Buffy. If anything happens to her I will kill everyone involved and then myself

Pics attached since I don’t know when I’ll see you.

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Wilson’s getting married, can you believe it? I would’ve bet good money he’d die a happy bachelor. It’ll be so good to see the squad again. He invited everyone, even O’Brien.

He’s making me wear a tux, though, no uniforms :(

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I think you’ve cursed me. I used to very happily not give a shit about football fuck you very much

(Eagles made the playoffs fuck yeah)

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

There’s this new prosthetic prototype the military wants to try out and somehow I landed on the shortlist of candidates to get it

It’s supposed to be so amazing you don’t even know. It’ll be waterproof! I can stand in the shower!

(its the little things sometimes)

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I’ve really fucking missed Rosa. I know you miss your brother and I’m sorry but I never really let myself process how much I missed her

I promise to do everything I can to bring Max back. I owe him one

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Rosa doesn’t like the jacket. She’s gotta go

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I’m going to LA Pride next week. I’d ask you to come with me but you seem a little busy passing out on the floor of the Pony every night

I’m taking Isobel instead

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

I’ve got this new project at work that’s actually really interesting. I keep staying late to work on it and so Project Shepherd is falling behind but fuck Michael I love it

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

There was a crazy meteor shower last night. You would’ve loved it

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

The sunsets out here are unreal. I’ve been in a few deserts and seen a few coasts but nothing, NOTHING, beats this view

Its beautiful

A

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

It’s cheating on the Wild Pony, I know, but if you go over to Dexter there’s a great little bar that does open mic night on Thursdays. 

It’s been a long time since I sang. I’ve missed it. You should come sometimes.

A

Michael missed out on a lot while he was with Maria. He never wanted to miss those moments again.

In the five weeks it took him to get through all of the emails, no one heard from Alex. He’d warned them he’d be out of touch but it was still jarring. Michael took to driving out to the cabin or bugging Rosa to let him play with Buffy just so he could feel close to Alex. 

A week after he finished Alex’s emails he started writing his own.

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

You’ve been gone six weeks. I miss you. I’m pretty sure I lost the right to say that but I don’t care. I do.

I read all of your emails

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I thought about responding to some of your emails individually but then I thought maybe just one would do it.

I’m sorry. I was a colossal jackass and you didn’t deserve any of it. I never should have blamed you for what your father did. You aren’t him, Alex.

There are only two people in my life that I trust to always be there: Isobel and you. Even when you walked away you always came back and I got used to that, I guess. When everything was spiraling out of control I needed someone to be angry at and I needed it to be someone who wouldn’t leave. Isobel was already going through hell so I picked you. I pushed you away as hard as I could and you stayed. You re-upped to protect me. You stayed in Roswell because you knew I needed you even though I refused to admit it. I put you through hell and you never said a word. Thank you. I should’ve said it a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.

I’m sorry I finally pushed hard enough that you had to leave. Roswell’s your home and these people are your family. When you get back from your deployment you should come home and see them. I can leave if it’ll make it easier for you but you shouldn’t leave them just because I’m an ass.

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I think Liz is actually dating both Kyle and Max. I’m also pretty sure Max and Kyle are not dating each other. Sometimes though...how sure are you that Kyle is straight?

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I can’t decide if it’s too weird or not weird enough watching my sister and my ex girlfriend try to date. 

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

You said you didn’t love me. Why did you say that if you did? 

I don’t know that I would have done anything different but I’d like to think I’d have been more considerate about Maria had I known. I thought you were over me. You said you were.

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

It’s been three years since Caulfield and I’m alone. One of your emails mentioned that you didn’t want me to be alone but I am. I always am. No one understands. No one can possibly understand.

Kyle gave me a bottle of whiskey this morning. I’m trying to drink less but now that I’ve got a doctor’s seal of approval, I might just need to enjoy it.

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I left my mom to die for you. I don’t think I would’ve left for anyone else.

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I miss you. I think I’ve been missing you for years but you were right there so I didn’t realize it

Be safe. Come home

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I’m a little obsessed with my mark ngl

It’s in my own handwriting but I wish it was yours. So it would actually be a piece of you with me

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

It’s crazy. When you were here all I could think about when I saw you was your dad and your brothers and Caulfield. I know it’s not fair and it’s not right but I can’t control it

But now you’re not here. And I look around the cabin and all I see is you making breakfast or burning the popcorn that one night we tried to watch a movie and ended up making out instead. I can’t sleep at the Airstream without thinking of you. Did I ever tell you that you’re the only person I ever brought home? Every other person I ever hooked up I either went to their place or found somewhere else. But not you. You came home with me. 

Liz wanted a group outing to the drive in. But I said no. I can’t go there anymore. 

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

My eyes are burning. Too much naked sister 

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

First I see my sister having sex and now my brother’s asking me for gay sex tips

I can’t

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

When we broke up Maria accused me of being with her because I loved her less, because then she couldn’t hurt me. I thought she was crazy but now I think she had a point. I literally just walked in on her in bed with someone else (I’ve completely blocked out the memory of who it was) and it didn’t hurt. I’m just...happy for her. She smiles more these days than she has in a while

It's nothing like when I saw you on a date that one time and had the sudden urge to beat the guy into a bloody mess with my bare hands. It's a nice change of pace

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

It’s been four months since anyone’s heard from you. I hope you’re okay and just not allowed to contact anyone.

Please be okay Alex. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Some idiot decided to put in a record store on Main St. Who even buys records anymore?

It has open mic night almost every night though. You’d love it

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I seem to have moved into your cabin. Oops

The bed doesn't smell like you anymore :(

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not here and I don’t even know if you’d want to see me if you were but let me just say this:

You’re an asshole and I love it

You care so much about people, about your family (the real one not the jackasses named Manes), and you give so much of yourself for other people I’m constantly in awe of you

You named your dog after a vampire slayer; what a dork (next one should be Faith)

You are the strongest person I know. I put you through hell and you’re still standing and you somehow still love me. I don’t understand but I can’t complain

I miss watching movies with you even if your constant commentary can be annoying as hell

I can’t eat omelets at restaurants anymore, you’ve ruined me for life

Your voice is breathtaking; you should never stop singing

I love you

Happy Valentine’s Day Alex

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Please just tell me when you’re home so I know you’re safe

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Rosa has a boyfriend. It’s weird. We can’t talk around him. Too many secrets.

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I broke the ship. Most of its still in the bunker but I scattered some pieces around town. The Airstream, Isobel’s, Max’s, the Crashdown, the Pony, other places too

The biggest piece is right here at the cabin. I needed it to be with you

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Jenna’s back

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

Happy Birthday Alex

I’m sorry I missed one. I promise not to miss any ever again.

They probably don't have any good cake where you’re at so I’ll just have to take you out for some when you get home

M

From: m.guerin47@gmail.com

To: alex.manes@gmail.com

I’ve co-opted Buffy from Rosa. She’s not getting her back

M

Over six months after Alex left, Michael received his first new email.

From: alex.manes@gmail.com

To: m.guerin47@gmail.com

Subject: YOUR EYES ONLY

You’re unbelievable. Asshole

827 Willowbrook Cir #231

Marlow Heights, MD 20746

A

P.S. Don’t forget Buffy