#i dont want him on meds
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"they tested me for adhd and said i didn't have it" brother they were WRONG you skate like nobody's business but can't for the life of you seem to understand how to play without tackling the other kids
#tales from the daycare#very normal jesse content#this boy was 8#they had to be wrong#he has all the symptoms#i dont want him on meds#i want him to calm down
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I genuinely don't think Curly would be as caring for Jimmy as some people depict him in aus where Jimmy gets stuck and burned rather than Curly.
I feel like the realization would truly hit in that moment of what Jimmy did and how bad it was as Curly desperately tries to get him out of the cockpit. He's trying to break in to save Jimmy, but is he? All the thoughts in his head; Jimmy's trying to kill them all, Jimmy's trapped in the cockpit, Jimmy raped Anya, Jimmy's going to die trapped in the cockpit, Jimmy trying to kill them all because of what he did to Anya, and sort of a final Jimmy did this. Is he trying to save him or trying to figure out why? Trying to finally make him take accountability? You can't hold trial for a dead man. Does he want Jimmy to die? Not really, but it'd be easier than figuring out where they go after this. After they drag him out and get his set up in medical and Jimmy refuses to look at anyone but him.
He's the only one who is truly willing to care for Jimmy. I don't think he's keeping him alive for the same reasons, just he can't bring himself to put him down. He wants answers, he wants to be mad. This is the first time he can talk to Jimmy and not have anything spun back at him but he can't get a response. He's never really been able to but for the first time Jimmy actually has to listen and he'll never know if he's actually listening to him this time. It reminds him too much of not understanding Anya. Anya has to care for him and he doesn't want her too, she shouldn't have to but they can't just let him die, can they? Should they? It's easier than hearing him in pain but that's a reminder he did this... even if Curly allowed it to happen.
No one seems to have thoughts on it but him and Anya. They know the reason he crashed the ship but they don't get the logic. Anya does actually, but Curly has to admit he does to. Has to admit he's always known Jimmy's logic behind things, things that need to be "fixed" but he's always taken responsibility and fixed it himself. The first time he really let Jimmy take responsibility and he couldn't, he can't fix anything and Curly know he can't either. He looks at Jimmy and sees every mistake but now he's wondering how many of Jimmy's he's been tacking on to his own. How different are they?
What should he had done to stop it? Maybe this should've happened to him...
Curly doesn't like those thoughts and how they only come when he's stuck with Jimmy, like he's always done to himself. He's way too gentle when he gives Jimmy his pills, too mindful of teeth that always gave him hollow smiles. A tongue that always told half truths, while he held his own. He holds his jaw too kindly and thinks about all the times he's clenched his and smiled for his friends sake. For Jimmy's sake. Jimmy still swallows the pills and struggles, whines like it's not his fault.
He hoped it hurt.
And he's a little scared that he's a little too okay thinking that.
#just i dont think hed sit and that med bay and remines hes staring Jimmy down with anger for the first time in their friendship#whatever tatters of it are left hes letting himself be angry at Jimmy and he cant even give a consequence he doesn't even know how aware or#lucid or able Jimmy is to really grasp all this the sentimental part of him hopes not at all but the part of him thats taken his crap for#all these years that let him get away with so much to him and sadly to others? He wants him awake and aware for every moment like I feel#like hed get close to hitting Jimmy like this and stop himself as he realizes he needs to talk to someone cause he has very no healthy#feelings about himself and Jimmy and the situation and the whole scenerio is defined by him being scared to do the same things that Jimmy#does and just trying to accept that Jimmy was never there for him and he was there for him too much and trying really hard to do right by#everyone else but espcially Anya who'd he have more guilt about than Jimmy obvi but how much of it is him taking responsibility for Jimmy v#the already extreme guilt of not knowing if his crew will get out alive is debatable like he'd want to kill himself but not think he's#deserving and its just him being like okay guys captain curly's got this and then crying while he locks himself in the cockpit#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#jimmy mouthwashing
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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I was gonna do a pinup but he kept posing cute idk what happened
#only half genuine#hes just not the pinup type of character#oh this is why I only paint certain characters btw#esp in certain ways#they just wouldnt like it or pose like that ever so#cant get it out of my brain to be too ooc#I could force it but it would feel forced and not be fun for me#random art philosophy from me HAHAHAHAHHAHHA#deo why do you draw the same guys#the other characters dont want me to. they asked me politely.#also this morning I forgot to take my meds and I was getting rlly pissed#and my partner was like hey. did you forget...#WILD HOW MUCH THEY DO...#anyways this is cute and I love them so much#luciel my beloved...#luciel#can not wait for people to get to meet him#incredible character. so fun to write.#esp in contrast to zagan#we were legion
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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I've got beef with whoever decided to call CMV "Owl eye inclusions" bc to me they do not look like Owl eyes in the slightest, those are alien eyes CMV is a cute lil Alien octopus and I want one as a pet
#cytomegalovirus#CMV#CMV histology#pathology#med lab#medblr#studyblr#not my pic#found it on the internet#you CANNOT tell me that looks like an owl to you#that is an alien#or maybe an octopus head ???#its so cutee#I want to put him in my pocket#sketchy micro#I dont think they called it that buttt#oh also#big robbins#usmlestep1#microbiology#viruses#herpesvirus
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"how can you hate chase but love house" first of all, bold of you to assume I love house. second of all, because one is blonde and annoying and the other is beautifully greyed and isn't a snob.
#i hate chase because he doesnt have the same depth house does!! also! house is at least honest about his assholerly#chase never reckoned with it and only got worse with no reason to! ohhh its cause hes house ohhh its cause house ruined him#you know whos really the most house like? FOREMAN!!!!! but yall dont wanna talk about that!!!!!!!!!!!!#foreman isnt cuddy#foreman is the same guy who got fired from another hospital and switched his gfs placebo meds just because he felt like he could fix it#like house . foreman is selfish in the way he wants to save. his selfishness is rooted in his desire to fix.#chase's selfishness is rooted in his inability to cope and pretty face and im tired of pretending otherwise#also#he kissed that kid#house md#egonkula rambling
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SPOILERS!! NEW TWST LORE ON ROOK
Confirmed, Rook Hunt is the hatman.
Yall really thought you were getting crumbs. You've been HAD. The desperation for Rook content is SHOWING I'm also desperate
Yall are PATHETIC so am I
Stop trying to manifest rook content same and start rioting against disney to get rook his own well deserved series delusional thoughts of a woman in love
In conclusion
How's your 2nd search of the day on the #rook hunt tag for new content going?
#rook hunt#no hes not im just taking new blood pressure meds and having strsnge dreams and this is my formal way to announce to the hatman that#if he comes im gonna mock him#no creature would want to be called rook#thats a travesty#its offensive to demons#anyway dont come for me hatman im legitimately terrified#disney#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland incorrect quotes#twst incorrect quotes#incorrect twst#incorrect twisted wonderland#rook hunt x reader#pomefiore#this started out saying 'rook hunt is the hatman confirmed' but then i just changed it so heavily its now a personal attack and im so sorry#lmfao i needed antihatman comfort dont judge me#i couldnt find a distraction so i MADE one#goodnight rook's bimbos#goodnight rook's himbos#goodnight rook's thembos#goodnight moon#goodnight stars#goodnight hoes on their fourth search of the rook hunt tag in 12 hours.
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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Hhhhhh I miss drawing characters!!!! I just wanna draw little guys from my fav shows!!!! Pain and suffering.
#its been a year since i drew med student kei i need to draw and torment him SO BAD#and all my mp100 and aoex favs... where are you and why not in fron of me#and BIRDMEN my bird children o wanted to draw them for so long T^T#and dont get me even started on my ocs (╥﹏╥)#my stuff
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#yeah ill maintag this#phighting#phighting!#guys i love medkit as a character but u gotta admit his kit is so ass to play with#me? i play dps med which is already a problem beclaws i dont do much healing but med has subpar dmg compared to vine#so im gonna die anyways. and ill be lucky if my team doesnt get all of my kills. so#anyways this is started bc of the news that medkit MIGHT be nerfed MORE??????#and seeing the server and seeing people ask for a buff and seeing 20 downvotes is like. Okay#AND BEFORE SOMEONE SAYS bbbut medkitlover plays him fine THE AVERAGE PERSON CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#STFU!!!!!! HE NEEDS A FULL KIT REWORK ATP!!!! EVERY MEDKIT MAIN I TALK TO INCLUDING MYSELF WANTS TO KILL EVERYONE!!!#BC HIS KIT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
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getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend
#snap chats#a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday#i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN#unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil#but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble#SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise#and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over#In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too#anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august#and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩#i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms#also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤#in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures 😞 my selfie game is dick#maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now#i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit#OH WELL we ball good night#wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush#great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican#ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay
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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
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Been doing real fucking bad and I'm So sick of it. When will it end
#ive been working two jobs while in school and i dont have money to pay rent or my car payment or my utilities.#ive veen in this apt 2 months and im worried abt eviction#which if that happens ill literally have nowhere to go#except MAYBE my friends place but ... who knows#i missed my car payment last month so now im severely worried abt it getting repod#and on top of that i have my ex blowing up my phone. visiting me at work. trying to get hired AT MY WORK#relentlessly showering me in love i dont want and trying to convince me to love him and be with him again#theres so much happening and so much is up in the air and i havent been on my meds bc i ran out and i cant afford to get them rn#i dont have a therapist thats worth seeing and the ones i reached out to havent responded#ive been crying myself to sleep w thoughts of self harm and just. disappearing#i really cant fucking do this anymore#it feels like no matter how hard i try im just digging myself deeper. further into the trench#i dont know. maybe i do need an involuntary vacation but i will NOT prove my ex right. i will NOT give him that satisfaction#i need a monyh between now and next week to get my shit in order#i need to run away#i need to disappear#s talks
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of course i have kins and characters i love. it comes free with using the internet!!! .. but growing up online where kin drama was everywhere u learn to be quiet about which ones you have publicly i fear.
#.wakas#ESPECIALLY on this site imagine im like oh yeah i kin this guy and then somehow i accidentally had a 'no doubles' of him mutual and-#-next thing u know ive got a whole group of people who hate me. like okay im sorry. do you want some of my meds?#ive got a lot of disorders btw so on the off chance anyone interacts with this and is like 'well SOME ppl have delusions!!'.. well#write abt that in a personal journal cus irdgaf...#i LOVE doubles but.. some people arent as free as i am...#i never follow people who i see are doubles though and have actively put somewhere on their pages that they dont like doubles btw#im a kind soul.. i know.. hold ur applause heh
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