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i-like-writing-stuff · 4 years ago

Text

sorry [five hargreeves x reader]

request: wanted to say I love ur 5 fics and how you portray their relationship as old partners :”) 💖If it’s not trouble to do (Dont feel obligated plz) I had this idea of 5 and reader having a fight and them being too prideful or bitter to apologize. Reader ignores him for some time and Five gets grumpier than usual bc of that. To the point where, one of his siblings tell him to just stop being children, apologize and give them flowers. But he finds it hard bc he is not good with that kinda of stuff ☺️

a/n: thank youuu <3, i try my best to keep the tua characters in... well, character lol- as much as possible! i hope this fic turned the way you wanted it, anyway- enjoy!!~

summary: five gets grumpy when his girlfriend gives him the silent treatment for being a jerk... shocker.

“Could you stop for one damn second and relax?!” You yelled at your boyfriend, already stressed out by the way he had been almost carving a hole through the floor of the living room with all his pacing.

“Relax?!” Five yelled, turning to glare at you, “Do you even realize how stupid you sound?! How could I relax- I lost my last lead on that fucking eye!”

“Come again?” You raised a brow, crossing your arms as you watched him curiously. Did he just call you stupid indirectly?

Your nerves were tugging at the last threads of patience you had left within you- they had been doing that for a few days. You knew that life wouldn’t be quiet when you decided to give a relationship with your partner a shot, but you never expected things to get so messy.

Not only you followed his grumpy butt all the way to 2019 to stop an apocalypse- which you couldn’t care less about, now you had been stuck in your younger bodies because he miscalculated something before traveling in time. On top of all that, he had been a jerk to his siblings- which you grew quite fond of and viceversa, he also started being an asshole to you, all because he couldn’t find a way to stop the apocalypse.

“Five Hargreeves, did you just call me stupid?” You asked, seeing that he was frozen in place, going back over his words in his mind.

“Not exactly.” He knitted his brows in confusion, before realizing the irritated look on your face, “I don’t have time for this, Y/N.”

“You think I had any time these past two years putting up with your shit?” You retorted, making him raise his brows in surprise by your sudden burst, “Screw you, asshole.”

“Now that was rude!” He yelled after you, once you started walking out of the room, completely ignoring him, “Y/N!”

You had been with the Commission for over four decades, you completely trusted its choices, since you never were given a reason not to. Well, that was until the Handler recruited Five Hargreeves. He was about four-five years older than you, but nonetheless still had the impeccable skills of an assassin- just what the organization wanted and needed.

You, being one of the Handler’s most trusted agents, she assigned him under your wing in the beginning until he’d get adjusted. So, he became your partner, it didn’t take long until he became your partner in the real sense of the word.

Five was in love with you- stupidly in love with you. He loved your wit and your kindness, he loved that he could have intellectual conversations with you for hours on end, he loved the fact that he’d feel whole again with just one look at your face, your smile, your eyes.

But he was a prideful man, he knew that. If he was wrong- which he rarely was, he had no intention of apologizing. You knew how important stopping the apocalypse was to him, but... it pained you to see him almost lose his shit completely when he loses the last remaining lead.

For the next couple of hours, you completely avoided him at all costs until he’d get that stick out of his ass and apologize.

And he’d better have a grand way of doing it.

You knew that it was not like him- he’d never apologize, and the fact that you were avoiding him was not making it any easier on him, but you were beyond pissed. Even if he may not have meant it, all you tried to do was help him relax for a moment, take a breather before that pretty head of his would explode. And in return?

In return, Five fucking Hargreeves continues being an asshole- what a surprise.

“Jesus, where did all the caffeine in this house go?!” Five groaned, searching the cupboards in the kitchen, feeling grumpier than usual.

“I told you- dad didn’t like it.” Allison reminded him, as she and Luther sat at the table, watching him in confusion, “What’s got into you?”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, not done yet with his search- he wanted at least something that felt like coffee, “Come on- we don’t even have... coffee flavored fucking chocolate or some shit like that..?” He mumbled, shutting the cupboard with a loud smack.

“She means... you’re... grumpier... than usual...” Luther hesitantly explained, afraid that his little-older psychotic brother might have finally snapped.

“Mind your business, will ya?” Five asked with a fake smile, stomping out of the kitchen.

“I love Y/N, I swear I do... and oddly enough, Five too.” Allison spoke up, “But honestly, what was she thinking becoming his girlfriend?”

“I am just happy for her they’re not married.” Luther shrugged, resting his hand on his palm, as Diego walked into the kitchen;

“Is it just me or is Five a lesser ray of sunshine than usual?”

The following day, you treated Five with the same coldness as the prior day, which really drove him insane. Not only he spent the night in his bed alone, since you decided to bunk for the night in one of the empty rooms, but now you were still giving him the silent treatment.

Luckily, during breakfast, the Hargreeves siblings finally managed to understand what was going on.

“Hey, Diego, do you think we can pay Eudora a visit at the station after breakfast?” You asked the man, “I promised her the other day some files to help with an investigation she has on the side.”

“Sure thing.” Diego smiled, looking forward to seeing the detective again, even if he bickered with her from time to time.

“What files?” Five asked curiously.

“Vanya, can you please pass me the salt?” You ignored him, smiling at his sister.

Vanya raised a brow, unsure what to do, as the other siblings were piecing the puzzle together. Five raised a brow, as you avoided eye contact with him, waiting for the salt shaker which was, ironically, closer to him than Vanya.

“Here.” He said, reaching for it before his sister, handing it to you.

You looked at him with a smile, then at the salt shaker that was waiting on you to pick it from your boyfriend’s hand. Instead, you scoffed, getting up from your seat with your plate in your hands, suddenly losing your appetite.

“I am gonna go change.” You declared, placing your dish in the sink, “Diego, I’ll wait for you in the car.”

“Unbelievable....” Five muttered, throwing the salt shaker somewhere on the table, before abruptly getting up from his seat to pour himself a cup of freshly made coffee- Klaus made sure to stock up since Allison and Luther told him what had happened the other day.

“Why is Y/N giving you the cold shoulder?” Diego asked his brother, raising a brow.

“Leave me alone.” Five muttered, leaving the room even grumpier, with his hot cup of coffee in his hand to at least soothe him down a bit.

“Five!” Allison yelled after him, but he was already out of there, “Urgh, he’s such a child!”

After you and Diego had left the Hargreeves mansion, Five found it hard to focus on trying to get another lead on the prosthetic eye- he could not stop thinking about the fact that it almost had been twenty four hours since the woman he loved had chosen to deliberately ignore him, all because his stupid mouth could not help snapping at her.

What a moron he was, he knew that.

“Y/N told me what happened.” Allison told her brother, entering his room softly, watching as he laid on his bed on his back, “And woah- aren’t you an asshole?”

“What do you want, Allison?” He asked, rolling his eyes, staring up at his ceiling.

“Here’s a crazy idea... why don’t you apologize?” She suggested, crossing her arms.

“Have you... met me?” Five frowned, lifting his head to watch his sister in confusion.

“Look, you and Y/N both need to stop being children!” She said, “I know you may have teen bodies, but aren’t you both like over fifty? Honestly, Five...”

“Knowing I will regret this, what do you suggest, Allison?” Five asked with a sigh, watching as his sister smirked in response.

You and Diego didn’t really take long to finish your business at the police station. In about thirty minutes, you both were back on your way home, unaware of the big surprise that was waiting for you.

You entered the house, stretching your arms, already telling yourself you needed a drink, even if it was only noon. You figured a glass of some expensive bourbon would calm you down, so you made your way in the living room, as Diego went to his room in his own business.

Although, you couldn’t help but widen your eyes in surprise, as you stopped in your tracks once your look fell on Five, who was sitting at the bar with a Margarita in one hand, and a big bouquet of flowers rested in his lap.

“Five?” You frowned, stepping towards him confused.

Never in his life, would Five ever think he’d be so happy to hear his name on your lips. He softly smiled, realizing that Allison’s plan was working, as you finally spoke to him, even if it was one word.

“Y/N.” Five gulped, setting down his glass to jump off the stool, “These are for you...” He hesitantly said, stretching his hands towards you, as he held the big, colorful bouquet of all sorts of flowers towards you.

“I... Uh... what?” You frowned, taken aback by the gesture.

Five wasn’t necessarily the romantic type, so this was the first bouquet of flowers you ever received from him. You knew he loved you with all his heart and he was in love with you, that’s why you didn’t care about the romantic gestures he never did- but, right now, watching his cheeks turn into a slight shade of pink as he was biting on his bottom lip anxiously- your heart melted.

Allison had given him all sorts of advice on how to apologize to you with the help of Vanya, since they were both well aware of the fact that their brother was not capable of saying such words by himself. But right now, as you stood before him, Five had forgotten all that they taught him.

“I... I suck at this kind of stuff, I gotta be honest.” Five sighed, stepping closer to you, still with the bouquet in his hands, as you were still hesitant, “I... I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Y/N, I know. You didn’t deserve to be told that, even if I didn’t mean it at all. I swear, I was only mad and I never meant to take it out on you.”

“Oh my God.” You covered your mouth in shock, “Are you... actually... trying to apologize to me?”

“Sort of... yeah...” Five sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “Look, what I am trying to say... What I am trying to say is that I appreciate your love, and having your support with me, and I know you care about my well-being.”

“Keep going...” You smirked, stepping closer to him, “Come on... they are three simple words.”

“Right...” Five sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Look, Y/N? I... I am...”

You didn’t even let him finish, as you softly took the bouquet out of his hand not to squish it, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug. You knew how hard it must have been so far for a know-it-all like Five to say that, so you didn’t want to push him further. To you it was enough that he at least felt sorry for bursting like that.

“I love you.” Five sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist, “And I truly mean what I said earlier.”

“I love you too.” You smiled, not yet pulling away from the loving embrace, “And I know... I know...”

Five pulled away to smile down at you, “Thank you for being so understanding... and supportive.”

“I’d say it is my pleasure, but I’d be lying.” You teased him, bopping his nose with the free hand that was not wrapped around his neck still and holding the flowers.

“Hilarious.” Five sarcastically said, slowly leaning in, “I think I liked it better when you weren’t talking.”

“Really?” You scoffed, but before you could continue the playful banter, Five had already captured your lips into a soft kiss, finding a better way to shut you up.

#tua #tua netflix #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #netflix #the umbrella academy imagine #the umbrella academy imagines #the umbrella academy x reader #umbrella academy x reader #five hargreeves #number five #five hargreeves imagine #five hargreeves x reader #number five x reader

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honeypirate · 4 years ago

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Fate of the Clouds

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gajeel x Fem Reader

unedited

“Hi” you say softly, sitting beside him against the side of the guild house. “Leave me alone” he turned away from you, his voice gruff. He smelled like fireworks and his hair was singed in a few places. You reach out and pinch the end of a lock that was smoldering “all that gorgeous hair, would hate for it to burn” you twist on your butt, laying your back against the sun warmed grass and placing your feet up against the building, you place your hands behind your head as you looked up at the clouds.

“Why?” his voice was laced with annoyance that you were 50% sure was fake. You look over at his face “why what?” you smile softly at him and you watch his guard fall just a little bit “why won’t you leave me alone?” you sit up again, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your thighs as you study him for a moment “Gajeel, if you really want me to leave and I’m making you uncomfortable, I will. But honestly, I’d like to get to know you. So if it’s alright with you, i’d like to lay here by you and talk, unless you don't want to, then we can just sit together.”

You watch his emotions in his eyes, he couldn’t understand you. You were sweet and cute and he heard all about how strong a wizard you were. You watched him tear apart the guild hall but you were here by him. Telling him you wat to get to know him? He couldnt decide if you were joking or not. When he doesnt say anything for a few minutes you lay back again, smiling as you look up at the sky.

After ten minutes go by and your eyes flick down to him, he’s looking at his hands in his lap “Do you mind if I talk to you? You don’t have to respond '' your voice was quiet, like it was carried to his ears on the breeze, his gaze froze on a scar he has on his knuckle “I dont mind” his voice was quieter than you had heard before. His usual anger was gone, just like you suspected it was just a cover for his real feelings. You sigh softly and look back up to the clouds “there is a cloud up there that looks like a horse” he looks up then, his eyes searching, you chuckle and pat the ground next to you softly. He looks down at you, considering, trying to figure you out, to see if you could be hatching a plan.

He sighs and moves over so he was laying beside you, tensing and watching your face when you scoot closer to him, moving your head down next to his so you could find the cloud again “there” you point up and it takes him a moment to tear his gaze from your soft smile to follow your finger to the right cloud. You move back into your place and smile as you watch the cloud float away and become a blob again.

“When i was younger..,” you look at him “now you have to promise me you wont tell anyone this, okay? Pinky promise me and since we’re friends you cant break it” you hold up your hand, pinky out and wait for him. His head turns, looking at your eyes and then down to your hand. His fingers drum against his stomach before he hooks his pinky around yours. You smile and pull your hand still connected to his and kiss the back of your thumb, pushing his hand towards his lips next “kiss or it doesnt work” his cheeks flush and he huffs in annoyance but kisses the back of his thumb anyway “thank you Gajeel” you whisper before your hands rest against your stomach again.

“When I was younger, I had a job on a farm. I would use my water magic to help the crops among other things. I once rode a horse to check for the cows and was feeling really proud of my horse riding skill, I rode down the wrong path, got scraped off the back of my horse and thrown down the mountain. Had a nasty cut on my neck and i wasn't trusted riding alone again. I know this story is stupid, juvenile, but the point is this; trust is something that is really hard to earn, but worth every second. Sure i have other stories i could have told you, other magical ones where i fucked up missions. But all of them have the same point. Proving that you can grow as an individual, proving that people are worthy of a second chance, it’s nice that we even have that opportunity.” you point out another cloud “ooh look at that one! It looks like a starfish!” you chuckle and notice the smile on his lips

“Forgiveness has always come easy to me. I truly would like to be your friend and get to know you. No jokes, no dirty tricks. I’m here if you’ll have me Gajeel” he sighs gently, his hands holding his shirt in his fists, his knuckles turning white, after a few minutes his hands release his shirt and he relaxes into the grass.

He doesn't get any bad vibes from you, if he had to put a picture to how you feel to him, he would picture a field of daisies on a summer day. “That one” he reaches up and points “that one looks like a dragon with a rider on it’s back” you chuckle and follow his finger to the cloud you could see the dragon but figured the rider smudged away “it does! That’s so cute” his cheeks flush and a true smile sits upon his lips.

After another ten minutes storm clouds roll in as well as cold winds, you shiver and sit up again, turning towards him as he sat up next to you, you reach out slowly and when he doesn't move or say anything you gently run your fingers through his thick hair, pulling out the pieces of grass that stuck to him. “Thank you for letting me sit with you” you smile sweetly up at him, even sitting by him he was much taller and bigger than you. “Thank you, for wanting to” he avoids your gaze, his cheeks dusting pink yet again.

Every day you would eat meals with him and talk, slowly you would convince others to give him a chance. Inviting others to sit with you both, he slowly opened up more to you and you would cloud gaze and chat about your missions and other things you have witnessed or experienced. but even then, you had to take missions that kept you apart occasionally.

Excitement was flooding your system, you were a few blocks away from home and you haven't been back for a few months, your last mission was difficult and you spent some time in the hospital. You were so excited to see Gajeel you almost couldn't handle it, forcing yourself to take normal steps and not to run.

You open the door and look around at everyone, looking for your specific person. Gajeel was in the back of the room, deep in conversation with Levy. Your smile disappears and you feel your heart skip before it crumbles into your stomach. You were happy for him, proud of his growth in the guild. You blink back your tears and then clear your throat softly, working your way through the crowd to the stairs to the dorm.

You were supposed to be back today, where were you?! He was checking the door every few minutes, his heart racing and his foot tapping against the stone floor. He had gotten back from his mission a few days prior and was waiting for you, you sent him a letter saying when you expected to be back and he kept that letter in his inside jacket pocket. “Hey Gajeeeeel” Levy says as she comes over to his table and he groans internally, he just wanted to talk to you,.

After humoring her for a few minutes he hears the door close behind him, he turns his head and looks for you but doesn't find you, his eyes lock with Mirajane and she points across the crowded room. When Gajeel followed her finger he sees the end of your hair and bag disappear up the stairs “excuse me” he says, cutting her off and standing quickly, running after you.

The moment your door closes it’s being opened again, you gasp and your bag falls to the ground “why didn’t you come to me?” he asks, his eyes filled with hurt. You smile up at him and reach behind him, closing the door gently. “You looked busy” you laugh nervously and he furrows his brow “no, dont, don't do this, okay? I was counting down the seconds until you returned, I always count the seconds until you return. So please, come see me immediately next time. Okay?” your breath hitches as you look at him, his words sinking into your heart. His eyes were wild and his hands were stretched out towards you, he wanted to hug you but you haven't broken the physical touch barrier.. until now.

You throw your arms around his neck and he tenses, his breath hitching “I missed you so much Gajeel” you whisper and his body relaxes against you, his arms holding you to him tight as he buries his face into your hair. “I missed you too” you pull back and smile up at the dark haired man “wanna get some food and cloud watch and catch up?” you ask and he nods “i’d love to” he says, his gruff voice extremely softer than usual.

Sitting at a table downstairs you eat your fill, after being gone for so long and not eating enough, it was like you were in heaven. “wow i cant believe you took 5 different missions in two weeks” you say as you finish eating. He laughs “i just took smaller papers so i could back here when you would '' you smile warmly, but he was too busy eating to notice the sweet look you’re giving him.

You end up on your spot on the grass outside of the build, watching the clouds and talking. You show him your healing wounds that will most likely scar and tell him about your time in the hospital. He looks worried about you but tries to laugh it off “you were scars like badges” you giggle “well duh. I work hard for them” his finger tips brush one of your healed scars and he sighs “i wish you didnt have to get hurt though” he whispers and your heartbeat skips. His eyes meet yours and you smile softly, his eyes looking down to your lips and you almost lean forward to kiss him but before you can he’s turning his attention back to the sky.

I am such a coward he thinks. How am i supposed to fix this? How do i get back to that moment. His eyes are on your face, watching the clouds reflected on your shiny eyes, the tufts of moisture that you gaze at like you’re reading his fate, and he gets an idea. “look at that one” he points and you don’t really know which one he’s talking about “which one? What does it look like?” He laughs “come see it from my perspective” he all but whispers and you roll on your side, bringing your face close to his to trace his eyesight to the right cloud. But his eyes were on you, on your smiling face and bright eyes, you were gorgeous.

“That one. Right there. It’s a cloud that looks like a cat” you reach out and place your hand on his bicep, your small hand traveling softly down his arm until your hand rests against his bracelet “I can’t find it” you whisper and pout, how could you be so adorable? “It’s right there I don’t know how you can’t see it” he chuckles and you turn your head around, trying different angles before you turn and look back at him “I can’t find it-“ your breath hitches when you notice his gaze is on you, a small smile on his lips and his eyes gentle. His hand moved to cup your cheek “you’re beautiful” his gruff voice was a low whisper, the wind blowing your hair behind you and rustling his into his face. Your hand moves without thinking, brushing his hair out of his eyes and cupping his cheek for a moment.

“Did these hurt?” your fingers gently brush the studs along his eyebrow “they were magic” you hum, probably hurt as much as the guild tattoo. “These too?” your first finger gently slides down the side of his nose and he nods, his eyes never leaving yours, “what about .. these?” your thumb runs along his bottom lip before pulling it down gently, letting it smack against his teeth as you brush his chin studs. His eyes flick down to your lips and you lean in almost all the way before your eyes flick up to his “Gajeel.. Did you really miss me?” you whisper and a strangled groan escapes his throat “every day” his lips touch yours and you feel sparks burst across your skin, your hand moving to tangle in his hair as he pulls you closer to him.

You pull back and sigh, your eyes closed for a few moments before they flutter open and meet his. He has a soft blush on his cheeks and a smile “should we form a group?” you ask and he laughs, bringing a smile to your lips “probably” he says as he brushes his fingertips across your cheek “but.. More than that right?” he asks with furrowed brows and you chuckle, pressing your lips softly to the tip of his nose before turning and looking up at the clouds again, like you could read your fate in the tufts of moisture.

“I love you Gajeel” you whisper and his breath hitches “you do?” he asks, reaching out and turning your gaze back to his. You smile and nod “yes” he smiles softly, a soft sigh of peace as he presses his forehead to yours “I love you y/n”

#fairy tail #fairy tail gajeel #gajeel #ft gajeel #gajeel x you #gajeel x reader #gajeel x y/n #ft gajeel x you #fairy tail fanfiction #gajeel fanfiction #fairy tail x #fairy tail x reader

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therapy-ghost · 3 years ago

Text

Why am i here?

Twisted Wonderland x persona

Chapter 2- after math

Chapter 1

3rd pov

Everyone froze, they had no clue how to react, a student just took a fire ball to the face, and just stood there.

"HEY, CAN YOU HEAR US?!" Screamed the boy with the red eyes, running up to the girl, who stood there, the cloak hood over her head, "He-Hey Minion, C-can you hear us, Come, this is a joke, right?" Grim said, panicing a bit, thinking that he killed someone.

"No" Dire Crowley said, making everyone stop and look over to him, "What do you mean 'No'?! A student just died and you are standing around not doing anything?! We need to help her!" explained the boy with the red eyes, clearly angry.

"I said 'No', cause she's not dead, look" Dire Crowley said, pointing over to Ghost, who started to move their arm, grunting a bit, stepping away from Grim and backing away.

"What the hell happened?" she asked, looking to the group, only to see that her face was unscratched, no a single burn, bruise, or dust sat on her face.

Grim then rushed at her, fat tears in his eyes, seeing that he didnt kill someone was a relief to him, "MiNioN! I tHouGhT You hAd DieD!" Grim explained in an un-even tone, as the tears fell down his face and he clung on to Ghost as they tried to get him off.

"Ok, i understand, but please get off of me, i still have a bone to pick with you" they explained, finally get Grim off of her, before looking him straight in his teary eyes.

"You shouldnt have done that, you didnt need to show off your skills,you lit someone on fire, you made everyone panic, and you almost killed me, that isnt something to show off about" Ghost explained as Grim wipped the tears from his eyes, noding abit.

"Now apologize“ Ghost said, pushing grim forward, Grim really didn’t feel the need to apologize for the things he did, since the school wouldn’t let him in, but since their was a possible demon that can do who-knows-what, he did it anyways

"Im sorry for the mess i made, i really hope you all can forgive me for showing you my awsome magic" he said in a sarcastic voice, only to get a grunt from riddle.

"That is no apology, you broke school rules, and rule breakers like you should be punished" Riddle explained, and then shouted 'off with your head' and there was a colar on Grims neck, making him panic and Ghost confused as fuck.

”What’s goin’ on?!”

As Grim paniced, , "The Queen of Heart's rule 23 'one must never bring a cat to a formal affair', i must asked you to vacant the premises now" Riddle said, Ghost then stepped forward, anger painted across her face, before Dire Crowley grabbed her by the robe, stopping ghost from ripping Riddle to pieces.

“But i ain‘t no cat!” Grim defended himself, raising his arms in protest,”You cant just collar me, Ill burn you!” Grim explained, before trying to blow A flame from his mouth, but he got nothing.

"untill i deside to take that collar off of you, you wont be able to use a single bit of magic, your nothing but a pet at this point" Riddle smirked, stairing at Grim as he freaked out even more.

"I Aint No One's Pet!" Grim yelled, anger boiling in his eyes, "Oh dont worry, i for sure have no interest in you as a pet, the collar will romove after you leave campus" Riddle explained, then Ghost piped in.

"Ok, could you please stop calling him a pet, he may look like a cst, but he has said multiple times that he is no pet, now stop labeling him as one" Ghost determenly said, stepping in between the two.

"Excelent show as always Riddle, your signature spell never fails to impress" Azul happly said, only for Ghost to cross their arms over the chest, huphing in dis-agreement.

"Well i think he's abusing the ability, like why can you just let him in to the dang school, he has magic, and bringing him into the school would give him the opportunity to grow on his magic skills and learn how to not light shit on fire" Ghost determenly said, pointing at Dire Crowley.

"Yes that would work, but he wouldnt had 'lit stuff on fire' if you looked after your familiar" Dire Crowley explained, looking down to the girl.

"For the last time, he isnt mine, i have never had any pet other then a dog in my life" Ghost angerly said, making an 'X' out of her arms.

"SO...it isnt yours?" Dire Crowley was now confused, as Ghost nodded their head extremely fast, "Yes! He Isnt Mine!" Ghost frustrated, finally getting the point across, "That i shall expelle it from campus now" Dire Crowley smiled, before two students took away Grim, who was screaming in panic.

Ghost only watched in pity as the arson was dragged out of the school in a fit, the Crowley brusted back in to conversation.

"Well that was quite the unexpected fracas, i would say the orientation is over" Dire Crowley explained, turning to everyone else in the room.

"House Wardens! Please Take The Students To The Doors!" He yelled, before everyone started to leave, before Crowley stopped them.

"Come to think of it, i havent seen the housewarden to Diasomnia, has anyone seen him?" he asked.

"The dudes a total recluse, what did you expect?" said Leona looking at Dire Crowley with a sleepy gaze, before leaving with his group, "Did anyone even invite him?" asked Kamil, making the whole room go silent, a awkward aura filling it as everyone just stood there.

"Well um...this is a bit uneasing" Ghost said to herself, sweat dropping from her face as she looked to a corner of the room to escape the awkawrdness, but all failed.

"If you cared so much about him being here, then you should have invited him" Vil mockingly said to kamil,"Maybe, but i dont know him all to well" Kalim crossed his arms over his chest.

it was no time before everyone in the room was whispering about the man, almost acting like he is a god, and then someone else appeared.

"Just as i expected, i came down here to see whether or not Malleus came, but once again, He was not informed that his presence was required"

sorry it toke so long, i had alot of school work to do, but i hope you all have a great day and enjoyed this chapter.

#Twisted wonderland x oc #Twisted wonderland #x oc #twisted wonderland x persona

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 5 years ago

Text

Life After Snowpiercer: Finally Free

Summary- 6.2k. Matt is finally contained and you have a moment. Curtis taking control of the situation and starting to step into his role of the leader of this new group with the help of Edgar. Maybe some trauma warnings? violence.

Chapter 8 / Masterlist

Oh Fuck

Matt stumbled back and behind Matt the front end lifted there rifles, the audible sound of clicks sounding down the line, but Matt held up his hand to stop them, Claude rushing to his side and he spat out a mouthful of blood, smirking as it smeared across his lips and around his nose. “Enjoy that Curtis, only one your getting.”

“Well fucker you should watch your mouth. Its your god damn sister your talking to like that.” Curtis spat out, and Matt rolled his eyes at him. Claude handed Matt a cloth, him wiping his face clear and tossing it back to Claude instead of handing it to her. Your eyes narrow at the dick move he just did. That little shit! It was hard for you to accept what your brother had become in the years hes been gone.

“Fucking hell Curtis, you are so. FUCKING. STUPID.” Matt stressed, shaking his head. “I told Wilford you were a waste of resources when he got it in his head to make you the next Minister of the train. You still think its all about working together, family, friends, blah blah blah. I told you before you can have so much more. We all can have so much more. People had it good on the train.” He looked over his shoulder at the group supporting him. “Wanna know why? Cause they fucking listen and know whos in charge. Took care of them. Now... enough of this shit.” He looked past Curtis at the large group standing behind him, the last of the end of the train. They took the worst of it, but there was still more then the people supporting Matt. Ultimately they were survivors.

“So heres my deal, join me or die.” Matt grinned, rolling a shoulder up in a sorry. “Those we dont kill will be banished to go out onto the snow and ice alone. So who wants to stand a chance at least?” He looked so cocky standing there that if infuriated you, after all of it, all the years of pain and guilt you felt, it all bubbled up to escape in a ear shattering scream. The sound piercing like a siren, jarring Curtis next to you in shock and Matt took a step back towards Claude. The only one who had frame of mind to take advantage of the momentairy confusion was Edgar, giving off a war cry of his own and it just surged them all forward. Curtis himself was pushed forward and loosing his hold on you. There was a clash of metal on metal, those that carried axes smashing against rifles,people screaming, guns firing.

Curtis pushed through the people but couldnt see a sign of you, feeling himself being tackled, he swung the axe he carried behind him and felt the thud of it sinking in a body, jerking it loose, he swung the gun he did have off his shoulder, and looked to find Johanna. She had the sniper skills to use this thing that he simply didnt. Quickly looking around, he spotted her not to far away. Currently Johanna was unarmed, using some trained skills she possessed, fuck she fights like Grey, slamming her hand against the mans nose to whip his head back, covering her in blood. In another barely to be seen move, her hand slams against the windpipe and he goes down, gasping, trying to drag air through what Curtis now assumes is crushed. “Jo! Heads up!”

Giving a toss, Johanna reached up and grabbed it, checking to see if there was ammo in it. She glanced at Curtis who pointed to the top of the train car. She gave a understanding nod and scrambled for the train, dodging people and launching herself up a ladder. Higher ground, good girl. Curtis thought as he hefted his ax and went into the mess of it, still looking for you as he repeatedly hacked at those around him. “Y/N!” He roared while pushing through, where the hell were you, Y/N? Edgar came up beside him, both men panting from the exertion, Edgar still healing from his last ax fight, and Curtis had busted ribs and a half mangled arm. “You seen Y/N?” Curtis focus at this point is locating you, and he gave a shake of his head. “No man, I thought she was with you!”

How you got seperated from Curtis you didnt know, one moment your senses were swarming as you couldnt stay focused, the building up screaming from your lungs to dodging clashing axes and firing rifles. You scrambling to find a way out, not having any way to defend yourself when you feel a set of hands grabbing you by the collar of your coat, strands of your hair getting caught and ripping out. “Stop!” you scream as you get slammed against a chest, snarling in your ear “There you are sister dear, his prized bitch.”

“Matt stop! fucking hell let me go” You try twisting out of his hold, but hes got you tight, Claude following along behind as he drags you with him. “Curtis! CURTIS! COME AND GET HER!” Claude has a rifle pointed right at you, snickering at the sight of you in her crosshairs. “Everybody fucking STOP!” Matt yelled right near your ear, leaving your head throbbing and your hearing buzzing. You try to twist out of his hold again, reaching behind you to try and claw at his hand in the collar of your jacket, but he gave you a whiplashing shake to stop you, kicking the back of your thighs till you went to your knees, “Come get your little cunt whore before Claude decides to get trigger happy again.”

Curtis and Edgar were scanning the crowd when Edgar saw Matt kick you down, grabbing Curtis coat to get his attention and he whipped around to see where you were, your fighting against it, but Matts got you twisted around, yanking you back and forth, and Edgar grabs Curtis coat to keep him from lunging in someones line of fire. “Fucking let her go!” Curtis rages out. Matts voice screamed over the din, and people pulled away from each other when they saw what was going on, The casulties scattered in the pink red snow all around them, but that wasnt what Curtis was seeing. No, he saw Claude looking right down the barrel at your head. And that alone spurred Curtis into action, covering the distance with long gaited steps, the bloodied ax at his side rolling in a complete circle with a twist of his wrist to test his maneuverability to put force behind his swing, Matt smirked coldly at Curtis, thinking he had gotten the better of him. How wrong he was.

“Better stop right there, or else I blow her pretty little head off” Matt snickered, and wavered a bit when Curtis didnt slow down. “Shit Claude!, shoot him!” The man suddenly coward, yanked you back to your bottom, dragging you backwards, making you yelp at the sudden sting. Claude swung towards Curtis, who was close enough now to see the promising smirk on his face, that cold steel blue glint of his eyes. Claudes finger started to squeeze the trigger on the man who promised her death in a single look. You started screaming, kicking your heels into the snow and twisting to wrench Matts hold loose. “Curtis! CURTISSS! You fucker, lemmego!” your words are spat out run together, and your shoulder hits your brother in the stomach, making him drop you. And all you can do is see your lover in the aim of fire, and for the second time in days you swear your going to see his head get blown apart.

Claude never gets the chance to squeeze, a POP and shes jerked backwards into a heap, and your looking around wildly, now sobs escaping you as all your fears are dashed again, looking up, you see Johanna sit up from the top of the train, giving a thumbs up to Curtis, who nods in anowledgment, and turns towards the two of you, your trying to ungtangle yourself to a stand, and Matt is looking over at Claude, in horror. The woman stared up wide eyed, but unseeing. She was dead before she even hit the ground. Matt steps a few steps back, and then bolts as if he had somewhere to go. Curtis doesnt even care anymore, rolling his shoulder and throwing his ax after the fleeing man, your hands come to your mouth in shock, wide eyed following the way its spinning.

It does nothing more then trip him up, tangling in his legs, and he landed hard on the ice. Two tail enders had bolted after him, jerking him to a stand, and those remaining front enders set down any weapons, and backing away with hands up. Curtis rushes towards you and falls to his knees in front of your, grasping your face in his hands searching you. “God your okay, right? Y/N, tell me your okay.” Your nodding in his hold, shaking. It was all to much, so much, and his arms fold you in close so you can press your face in his chest, sobbing. “Curtis I cant, I cant keep doing this...” he knows, your eyes we're pleading for it to stop and this was what Curtis had feared, you seeing Matt after all this time. It was just like all those years ago, where you shut down on him.."hey I got you, I got you" He drew you in, whispering it in your ear. No one said a thing, all of the survivors, prisoners remained silent at the couple. Not all of them could understand what was happening, but none would dare defy Curtis in this moment. His hands rubbed you deeply and when you quieted, he lifted you away from his chest to look down, checking you over. “Just a little more, okay babygirl? I really need you with me right now.”

Your listening, sniffling to yourself, and under his hands you started to calm from your panic attack, his voice was deep and soothing, and selfishly you didnt want it to stop, but you nodded, and he kissed your neck, his voice soft as he spoke against your ear. “Good girl, come on.” And he pulled away, holding his hand out to help you to a stand. A bit shaky, you brush the snow off your pants, and his arm is around you, till hes sure your steady. “Wait here” he rumbles out and heads over to where Claude is laying, his hand reaching to close her eyes and collecting the rifle she had aimed at him, he shouldered it. Let her stay here, the snow and ice could claim her now, his strides long and ground eating the return to you, and tucked you against his side, leading you towards the train.

The group of remaining tail enders gathered the discarded weapons, and Edgar pulled up alongside Curtis “What do you want us to do with these people?”

Matt was being trussed up with chains someone had found on the train, he hissed at Curtis and you, fear, anger, hatred all aimed at the two of you. "I swear it, you will pay for what you did to Clau-" a rag firmly stuffed in his mouth, cutting off his words.

Hard blue eyes stared Matt down till the man glanced away, weakly jerking his shoulders as if to try and escape. Curtis resisted the urge to kick him while he was down, having no sympathy for Matt's loss. Claude threatened you, she got lucky her death was that quick. His hold tightened slightly around you as the two of you stepped away.

Curtis looked over the group they just disarmed, most of them looked lost, and unsure of what to really do as they were herded together. Silent You watch them willingly gather together, ready to accept whatever they are told. Your hand tugs on Curtis shirt to get his attention as he to is seeing what you were. “They were only following Matt cause they needed a leader, look at them. They need help.” Your face was still red from earlier, your eyes puffy. Before we take care of them, I need to take care of you. Curtis nodded and pressed his lips against the top of your head. “We will, but not till were sure about them.”

“Pick a car, and put someone to guard entrances and exits, and him.... “ he gestures towards Matt, whos been dragged along behind them, feeling you tense up next to his side at what his next words would be. “Secure him in one of these rooms alone, I will deal with him later. Everyone else, get them inside, settled in. Kids need to be fed, the sick need a place to recover. I will come find you in a bit.” Edgar nodded, and turned away, rallying everyone up. Curtis continued to lead you up the stairs to one of the cars, hoping it was one that had the small apartment rooms in it.

“Curtis wait, what do you mean deal with him?” You try to get him to stop as he led you down the narrow hall with a gentle tug of your hand, Curtis wouldnt be deterred even though you tried to get him to answer you. He shoved open doors to various different rooms till he found one that seemed to fit what he wanted. Leading you inside, he loosened his hold and searched while you stood there, shaking slightly, your nerves, shot. Seeing Matt and the long hike here had exhausted you to almost breaking.

“Just as I said Y/N, I was going to deal with him.” He stepped out of the small bathroom the room had and pulled the rifle off his shoulder and set it near the door, turning back towards you to rub your arms. “and right now, youve had enough.” He drew you to sit on the edge of the seating area and you looked up at him with a look he was familiar with. One that was ready to challenge him.

“You cant kill him Curtis.” Your eyes narrow at him as he shakes his head at you. Seeing that shake of the head, you grab his coat to keep him from pulling away. So tired, you were just entirely drained and you couldnt bare the thought of him going to take another life, any life. Youve had enough of worrying and trying to hold everyone together, finding out some hard truths, not to mention the abuse you were still sore from. You felt like all youve done was cry and breakdown. Enough was enough. You just wanted him to stay with you, Please dont go.

Curtis moved to a kneel in front of you and unbuttoned your coat, swift fingers taking you apart in a intimate caring way that he needed to take care of you. Letting him, cause he was trying to ease you, and it kept him busy so you could study his next answer. “Promise me Curtis.”

“No, Y/N, I cant and you know that. If he is a danger to you, or anyone else on this fucking train, im not going to hesitate to end him.” his eyes avoided yours for a moment, until his hands drew into your coat to ease it away, looking up at you finally. He could see the tears still brimming softly and his hand lifted to use the pad of his thumb to wipe it away. “Baby, you know Im not gonna do anything unless there was a real danger, Okay, trust me.” He huffed that last part out, his thumbs sliding along your cheeks as he cupped your face to look at him,

Giving a small nod, you had to trust him. Youve trusted him with your life all these years, and now it was Matts you trusted him with. “I do Curtis... and I know hes not okay. What happened to him?” Curtis hands moved to rest on your thighs, rubbing lightly back and forth as he listened to you, his eyes showing his own weariness.

“Manipulation on Wilfords part... But I need you to stay here and just chill for a bit, okay?” he said and your brows furrowed at that, his hands tightening a bit on your thighs. “Your shaking, look at your hands.” You take a glance down, and without even knowing they were shaking, fists twisted in the sleeves of his jacket, white knuckled, and shaking uncontrolled. Loosening your hold, you pull them back and his hands encase yours. “Please, I will be back to check on you in a little bit. Just stay here till I make sure everything is settled.” You give a nod, it was easier to give him what he asks and Curtis gives a gentle smile, a silent thank you Babygirl. As he stands, he kisses your forehead. “I promise it wont be long” and he left you sitting there, in probably the nicest room you have seen in seventeen years, and you didnt know what to do in it besides sit there looking around.

Curtis closed the door firmly behind him, taking a breath to steady himself. She will stay, cause I asked her to. Trusting that you would, he straightened out and strode down the train car to see others taking advantage of the rooms, exploring and shedding clothes, as it was still warm in here somehow, was that running water? A rushing sound above him made him look up, and a stretch of his good arm braced against one of the pipes running, and sure enough it hummed enough to tell him that there was running water. How in the hell? he wondered as he moved to leave that car and search out where the prisoners were taken, where Matt was placed.

He didnt have to look far, as Edgar was talking to Johanna, who nodded at Edgars request. “Yea, that shouldnt be a problem, we can take some shifts on and off, there are others from my car who are just as sharp.” Before Curtis could even inquire, she took off, calling out a few names searching these people out.

“What was that about?” Curtis asked and Edgar looked over his shoulder, turning towards his friend, and beckoning him to follow, well aware of what he needed to be filled in on. “People who can actually use these damn rifles. The front enders said that they are all here, but we dont know whos out there, who might be coming.” Curtis nodded, listening to Edgar, he was right, they really didnt know, not to mention the ex guards that tried shooting them all out earlier. “Where they stationed?”

“Johanna will take care of all that, shes ex- military, and trained for this kind of shit. She was the one to actually bring it up to me first.” Edgar shrugged as he led them a few cars back and swung up. “I put the front enders in the car ahead, and Matt, well hes in this one. I figured you wouldnt want him near his group again and start some shit. So separated for now. Might be easier to bring him up to the luxury cars were gonna be staying in. Keep him under better surveillance.”

There was a reason Edgar was Curtis right hand man in all this. The kid was smart, he was always thinking ahead, and Curtis was thanking all that was holy the kid survived. Darkening a bit remembering the circumstance, he pushed it away and gestured Edgar to bring him to Matt. There was the business of how big a threat was your brother going to be. Going back to a steel door, Edgar pushed it open, and inside was Matt along with a tail ender guarding him, bound and gagged, the man knelt in the center of the room. Curtis stepped towards him alone, The other two men holding back. Curtis didnt even bother to bring himself down to his level, his hand just fisted in the mans hair and tipped his head back.

“Im gonna be real honest with you Matt, and only going to say this once. If I think your in any way a threat to these people, to your sister, I will slice your throat.” Matts eyes darkened and he gave a muffled response. Curtis jerked down the cloth enough so his mouth wasnt stuffed with it. “You wouldnt dare kill me, Y/N wouldnt let you. She would detest and hate you for the rest of her life.” Curtis gave a cold smile, and nodded.

“I know, and yet I can live with her hating me if it meant you wouldnt hurt her, or any of us again. Its a life Im willing to live with.” Matts eyes looked doubtful at Curtis, but he stayed silent. “There is no situation here Matt where you win. So were going to do this my way. Lock and key, maybe in time you will get some freedoms. Maybe. Your ass has a long way to go if ever, and the only reason your still alive is because of Y/N. So better not piss her the fuck off, cause like I promised earlier, I have no problem killing you.”

“You going to end me like you did Claude? Shoot me without being able to defend myself.” He spat a bit. “You know Claude wasnt going to shoot Y/N, you think Im that heartless. Are you entirely sure that rifle wasnt loaded and just for show?” Matt smirked at Curtis in the smug way of his. “As you keep pointing out, she is my sister after all. I have some obligations to her safety after all.”

“Claude was Wilford whore, and had Y/N in her sights. Im not fucking playing anymore of the games, yall had 17 years of it. Things are changing. You still have to prove you have any loyalties to her. So untill we decide if your even worth keeping around.” Curtis brought the rag back up to stuff it back into Matts mouth, his protests going muffled. “This is your life now.” Ripping his hand back to release the man, he fell back and Curtis turned away. Done with his shit for now. Leaving with Edgar, the door slammed shut, closing Matt in the dark once more to simply wait.

“You think he is ever gonna come around?” Edgar asked as they left the car, Curtis feeling better knowing Matt was secure till he knew what the fuck to do with him.

“Maybe? He was once one of us after all. Although hes spent more time in Wilfords care. Show me what else has been started.”

The next hour Edgar showed him what they set up, people were setting themselves and family up in the luxury cars, beds, clothing. It was even found that they had things such as electricity and hot running water. “But how is this possible” Curtis asked, flicking the lights on and off in a empty room, Edgar shrugging next to him. “I have no idea, maybe someone in the front end knows how its running still now that the train has stopped.”

“Start asking them, im not gonna look a gift like this in the mouth, but I would like to know how long it will last.” Curtis flicked off the lights again and they continued on. There was an extensive medical unit, that a few people occupied, including Sara who seemed even worst. Y/N is going to need to see to her soon, Curtis left her to her rest, the woman shaking endlessly. The kids all came tumbling down the aisle, laughing and seeming to play a game. Timmy, why he actually seemed normal once more. They half collided with Edgar and Curtis, weaving around the men.

“Git on outta here you pains in the asses! I already told ya once this wasnt for running around in” Edgar yelled, Curtis drew away to where he saw Yona sitting near a window in one of the rooms.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked the young woman. She broke out of her trance and smiled looking at Curtis.

“Oh yes... just thinking. He didnt make it you know.”

Curtis’s hand rested on her knee. “I know Yona, Im sorry. But I promise you always have a place here with us.”

“He would have liked this, going outside. No more tail end, front end.”Tears of mourning formed in her eyes for her father, and Curtis to shared in her sorrow. The man was a pain in the ass, but he got them to the front, saved his life as well as his daughters. She turned to look at Curtis, a guarded expression on her face. “Its not over though, we have to be ready.”

“Ready for what.?”

“I dont know yet...” she drifted off and turned back to the window seeming to get lost in her thoughts. Edgar raised a brow at Curtis in question. Although Edgar thought she might have a few screws loose, Curtis had started to trust her instincts, to the point he took them to heart. She had been right several times, forewarning Curtis at various points. It sunk in what she was saying. “When you know more, let me know. And anything else Yona, if you need something ask for me. Okay?” She gave him a nod, and a reassuring smile, pushing against his good arm gently. “Go, she waits for you.”

That made him smile, maybe you were feeling better.

While Curtis was gone, you did everything you could to relax, but it just amped you up worst, tugging at your clothes as the room felt warm. Real warmth you werent used to. Piling most of your clothes in a chair, your mind just keeps going through the days events, and the one that was making you choke up, try not to cry was your baby brother. How could he be such a monster... You couldnt understand what happened, how he could ever become that. All those years of guilt bubbled in your chest, and it hurt. Fucking hurt that you werent able to protect him, and now if given the chance you were sure Matt would just kill you all. Or worst. The coldness in his eyes, glee filled when you had looked at him in fear. Whatever Wilford done, he killed the boy you knew.

Sitting on the edge of the seating area, you drew your legs up and hid your face in your knees, waiting for Curtis to return. There was nothing else, no way to escape the thoughts swarming, there was no way to let yourself sink off into oblivion, which sounded like the greatest relief, although impossible, There was nothing more to do then wait for the next metaphorical axe to bury itself into you and your people, you lifted your head when you heard the door click to see Curtis return.

A glance at your face showed that you hadnt truly calmed down since he left you in here, and shrugging off his coat and hat, he approached you and taking your hands, he brought you to a stand. Unfolding yourself, he waited until you were right in front of him and he wrapped his arms around you gentle to not make you pull back in fear like you have been doing and kissed your shoulder. “Theres hot water still, I want you to go take a shower, and tonight we will stay here.”

“Hot water? How.... “ He shushed you and eased you into the bathroom. “Do as I say Baby” And he slipped the door half closed to give you privacy, and while you were undressing and testing the water, once it was full blast hot, you sunk into the stream of burning water with a sigh of relief. In the room, Curtis searched out the cupboards and found stuff of luxury they never had. Plush robes, more toiletries, some clothing, even a half full bottle of brandy that he took a swig off, and pocketed. Fuck that burned in all the best ways. He took the robe and set it on the bathroom counter, the room was full of steam, and he could see your silhouette swaying back and forth in the water. Fuck he wished he could join you, but not today.

There was a knock on the door leading out of the room, and Curtis slipped the bathroom door shut further for your privacy before opening. It was Tam, and she had a bundle in her arms. “Whats all this Tam?” Curtis asked while stepping back to let her step inside, which she set it down, he could see food that they had packed up from there journey. She flipped open the blanket she carried it in so he could see properly. It was things like more crackers, and peanut butter. God damn peanut butter, now that was a sight for sore eyes. “I figured you were busy and needed to be fed.”

“Thanks for this Tam, It was something I was going to go for next.” Curtis confessed and Tam smiled and patted his arm.

“I know, figured I would save you two the hassle.” In the bathroom you cut the water and listened to the exchange before deciding it was safe to step out of the stall, on the counter you found a robe Curtis must have found, and wrapped yourself in it, waiting till you heard his “thank yous and I will come find you later” When you opened the door, he tilted his head, smiling at you. Consciously you tried to run your fingers through your hair. “Feeling a bit better?” He asked you and you nodded. Drawing you into his hold when he sat down, folding into his lap, he dragged the blanket over.

“Look what Tam brought us... whens the last time we had something like Peanut Butter?” Your eyes widened as you picked up the plastic jar, rolling it in your hand. “Did you like it before the train?” Curtis asked as you pried off the top, a excited nod made him chuckle, and he took it from you to peel off the paper seal, and tipped it to you. “Go ahead, try some.”

“This used to be my favorite before, could eat it right off the spoon.” Your finger tip dragged through the smooth butter, and brought it to your lips, closing your eyes to savor it. Curtis wedged the jar in your lap and also pulled the sleeve of saltines over, using his teeth to split it open, and drag a cracker through the top and popped it in his mouth. It was fucking better then he remembered, and you did the same as he did. It was probably the best meal either of you shared, and before the end you two were laughing softly and feeding each other, until you shook your head. “I cant anymore... but thank you.”

Cupping his face in your hands, you kissed him with a soft sigh passing between the two of you, soft kisses with peanut butter taste, you leaned your forehead against his for a minute. “Stay long enough till I fall asleep?” You ask when you pull back and screw on the top. You know that he wont be staying for a few nights all night until he was sure that you all were established safe. You wouldnt ask him to cause you know he would be torn between wanting to remain with you and going to be sure the rest were safe.

“Of course, tomorrow I will find us a more suitable room. I dont think we could make this couch work, our bunk had a bit more room.” He confirms as you moved out of his lap and set the stuff Tam brought on the counter running along the opposite wall. This time you curl into his side so when you drifted off he could slip out, his hand trailing along your side while you settled in, your gaze looking out the windows the snow glowing from the incredibly bright stars overhead in the inky blackness. Letting yourself think about the day, relaxing from his touch, it was firm through the robes fabric. “How was it... your talk with Matt?”

Curtis had expected you to ask him, and he was silent a moment, not really wanting to break this first real at ease moment you two shared. But finally he spoke when you to remained silent, waiting for him. “I told him the way it was Y/N, that I cant tolerate danger to any of our people, and that until we all decide what we want to do with him, he will remain in his current predicament. Tied and gagged.” He felt you wince, but didnt protest to any of it.

“Do you think he will talk to me?” You ask next, tipping your head back to look up at Curtis.

He swallowed and his face became guarded, it was no real secret he didnt want you going around Matt. His eyes fell down to you, and he knew he really couldnt keep you from your brother. “How about we take that one day at a time? Youve been through alot baby within these past few days.”

“Speaking of that... “ You shift enough to sit up next to him, rubbing your arm. “Curtis, there could be the very real possibility that im... “ Your hand moves to rest against your stomach. “I have no idea, and its not just me, there might be others.” Curtis jaw tensed thinking about what you were saying that your personal hell might have resulted in making a life. His hand moved over yours and he made eye contact, his words a promise.

“Listen Y/N whatever you want to do, thats what we will do. You decide to have a baby should you be pregnant, then that will be my child to. If you decide that its not the right thing to do, we will figure that out to. They have an extensive hospital wing here, and possibly still a doctor. Im going to find out later if anyone is medically trained. As for the others, they will of course have the same choices. They are free to do what they need to.”

You breathed out, one hand it was a relief that Curtis confirmed what you already suspected. “Even if its another mans baby?”

“Of course, I dont care who the bastard biological father is, I cant say I would be a good dad by any means. But fuck if Im letting you do that alone. Especially since you should have never had that happen in the first place.” His face clouded, and you frowned, nudging his shoulder. “Hey! It isnt your fault, youve protected me more times then I can count in the tail end, and I made it out. We made it out. We will with this to, right?”

You needed him to believe it, that it wasnt on him. He could lie to you about it, but not himself. He messed up, with you, Edgar, hell the train. Now they were stuck in who the fuck knows. But for now it all just simmered below the surface. “Get some sleep babygirl. We will take all this one day at a time.”

You would have kept up the conversation till you heard the words, but it was hard to resist his request, but not to you placed a soft loving kiss on his lips, and rubbed your nose against his. “And Mr.Everett, you would make a perfectly fine Daddy, when the time comes.” He gave a doubtful grin and roll of his eyes. You can think that all you want, Curtis knew the truth. You would make a wonderful mother, regardless of all the times you claimed it wasnt for you, that the trains orphans were enough. Him though... he would just mess up any kid of his and this life, it was day to day survival. You settled down at his side, and his hand rested protectively against your hip, rubbing gently.

When you finally drifted off, a few more regular nights, and Curtis suspected you would feel like yourself again. He eased gently away and shook out the blanket Tam brought, settling it over you. When he left, he collected the rifle he had left behind when they first settled in the room, and checked the rifle while walking down towards the exit. Just as Matt said, empty. Sighing to himself, he clicked it back together, and shrugged it off. Oh well, Claude had it coming.

Edgar appeared at his side, and followed along once he saw Curtis. “Whats the next move?”

“Were going to sort out our prisoner situation. First, this...” He motioned to the rifle he carried. “Lets store it away with the rest, we need to be careful with them, take inventory. See if they have some kind of bullet maker.” Curtis was thinking out loud while Edgar led him off the train and walked around small fires people built, Curtis suspected people couldnt stand the enclosed space anymore, and standing under the wide open sky, he inhaled the cold air deeply, counting his blessings. For the first time it really sunk in.

They were free. Actually free from the tail end and Wilford.

Tags- @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @imanuglywombat @patzammit

#curtis everett #curtis everett x y/n #snowpiercer #chris evans #trauma #ambers writing #sweater writes

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years ago

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

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iwilleatratfood · 4 years ago

Text

happy holidays fellers heres my review of the newest madhouse post

long ass post that deals with abuse and a very thinly veiled death threat, read at your own caution

TW Abuse

im not gonna go too grammar insane as a writer especially since a lot of pokemon grammar is hotly contested. however like in the second paragraph lily makes a pretty obvious tense error lmfao. theres tons of little ones scattered around. obviously not proofread lol

“She didn’t know, Bonnie. This lady…” G racked her brain, looking for a way to communicate the problem in a way Bonnie would understand. “…She was kinda like the Sun.”

Bonnie prickled, her face contorting into pure, unadulterated horror. “BUT THE SUN IS PURE EVIL!” She made it very clear to the entire household how little favor she had of the sun, the bright thing in the sky that always made her head hurt.

was this necessary? this may surprise you lily but the people reading madhouse have basic reading skills. you dont have to explain this to us like we’re three.

“Your Mom wouldn’t let her split us up, though. It was the one thing she refused to cave on,” she continued. “And the lady got more and more angry over not controlling her completely. So one Christmas, she broke your Mom’s heart more than it had ever been broken.” G’s mind flooded with memories of that day. The aftermath of what was supposed to be a cheerful getaway christmas vacation for Lily and her then fiance. G awoke one night to find that Lily had come home earlier than expected bawling her eyes out on the couch. The look of absolute despair on the face of her lifelong friend. The things she spoke of. It still made G’s blood boil over ‘the last one’.

first off this shouldn’t be one paragraph if you want your readers to not immediately skip over it. the reason why authors like david foster wallace use it in books like infinite jest is to create prose that is painful and hard to look at. i dont think that was your intent.

second, i made a post on this shit and deleted it before lizzy told her side of the story because i wanted to not come off as a complete asshole. but i really dont care anymore.

putting your real life relationship problems, about a person whos accused you of sexual coercion (bc lets not mince words here, that’s what it is) is literally one of the lowest things you could do. this isn’t for “healing”, this is trying to weaponize your fanbase to harass your ex.

“You were going to have to tell her eventually,” G argued as she took a step back and glanced at Mikaila and Ginger, who had both clued in to the conversation and were looking at her disapprovingly. “What?”

“Yeah, but not when she’s still so small and baby,” Lily pouted before going back to comforting Bonnie. “It’s okay, sweetie. The last one is gone and she’s never coming back. Mommy is much happier now that she’s gone. It’s okay.”

“Then Momma will eat her,” Lily said with a warm smile.

“Oh don’t call me Momma!” G groaned.

Lily snickered. “Your Godmom will eat her.”

“That’s better,” G huffed. “And yes, I will. I’ll bury every fang in her sternum. I’ll purge her evil from the world with the unstoppable power of my digestive tract.”

hm wonder why this couldn’t make it into a comic. wonder why it couldnt be put to a visual medium right after lizzy’s twitlonger. hmmmm

“Was G like this when you guys were little?” Ginger asked.

“Sort of? When we were little, G’s psychic powers were still developing so she couldn’t really read people as effectively,” Lily explained. “And since we were both little, we had little kid things to worry about. Telling Bonnie about Kirsten only made her understand the feelings she picks up better. That’s why we have to be careful what we tell her.”

ok again with the past tense shit. i noticed this before and im starting to get annoyed. if this is happening now and its not a memory, use the present tense speaking verbs ffs.

my real point here is why is this a pokemon work. like whats the point of having G be a pokemon or this taking place within the canon universe. this is a ultimate flaw with a lot of sentient pokemon works, so lily you’re not exactly special here, but i feel like recently its become more glaring.

if all the pokemon act like humans and are sentient like humans, why are they owned by them? if i made G a sentient alien and removed all the pokemon shit, not a whole lot would change, and thats a fucking problem if ur making a work within that universe.

“I look forward to it every year,” G smiled as she hugged Bonnie tightly.

Ginger turned a smirk back to Lily. “So it’s like an anniversary?”

“It’s not an anniversary!” Lily exclaimed, wheeling around with pursed lips. “Why do the two of you always go there?”

if pokemon/human is morally wrong stop teasing it in your work.

“Why not?” Bonnie pouted.

“Because… dear lord, how do I explain this to a baby?” Lily let her head fall back against the couch.

“Because it would make both of us unhappy,” G explained as she ran her fingers through Bonnie’s hair.

Bonnie blinked, looking up at her Godmother in complete and utter bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

G bit the inside of her cheek slightly as she took a moment to consider her next words. “Well… a lot of reasons really,” she started. “A big reason is If she and I were together, I would only want to have her all to myself. Your mom isn’t like that. She needs to share her love with everyone she feels it for. She’d have to give that up just to appease my insecurities. Mikaila and Ginger wouldn’t be here to spend time with you or tell you fun stories.”

so why is G still here if she would be so abusive and controlling?

rest of the post is boring and not worth my time to review but seriously. why is this a pokemon story still, why is this G even with lily still after how controlling and obsessive she’s been in the past... typical questions that come up whenever new madhouse is posted.

and like. holy shit for a “damn good writer” lily cannot fucking seem to follow basic writing rules and/or basic grammar. even i know this shit, and i consider myself a writer that needs to improve. tons of basic tense shit that grammarly will hit you for, a fundemental lack of understanding on how fucking dialogue is formatted, and just massive paragraphs that need to be broken up so the reader can actually read the shit your posting.

merry christmas, i will be reviewing the next post as well.

#lily orchard #poke madhouse

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csa-survivor-confessions · 4 years ago

Note

(1/2)🐛? (on mobile cant find your faq sorry) My mom raped me for years and i recently escaped now that im 18. I didnt remember the sexual abuse when i made the decision to leave but i randomly realized it a few months later. I have found little support and therapy for an hour a week is all i can afford but is not enough. I am at the end of my rope with my trauma and DID and i dont know what to do. The biggest issue is the overwhelming shame, and feeling like i deserved it.

(2/2)🐛 I keep falling into saying it didn't happen/wasn't that bad/others had it worse to the point I get sick when I deny it too much. An alter keeps saying the rest of us are lying and mom is a good person and we should go back. I feel like I made everything up because I read a lot of noncon fic to try to punish myself. Every grounding technique I have tried has failed. Sorry, I know this is a lot. Any resources for female survivors of maternal incest? Or any advice at all? I feel so alone.

Hello,

I’ll separate this into parts to hopefully help with converting clear information.

Denial, believing it’s fake.

Fake memories, or just “made up” memories do not happen commonly, [information here The False Memory Myth & Memory Repression]. there is nothing wrong with feeling that way however, self-denial and downplaying of our one trauma is really common.

Having “denial of parts/alters” is really common. I personally have DID as well and we have alters who deny our abuse, blame our abuse or have a deep attachment to our abusers. That is so normal! You are not alone, In this struggle. If you have any internal communication you can talk to the other alters who share this trauma for support these internal connection are god for recovery.

If you have the stability or any parts wh are good at working with there might also am them why they feel the need to defend the mother. communicating can also help ease your feeling of overwhelming and denial.

One key way to help with downplaying of abuse is to imagine a friend came to you and told you what happened to you happened to them. And think about what you would tell them, I bet it’s not. “it wasn’t bad” or “well other people got it worse”.

When you have worked out the kind of compassionate language, start picture the little girl inside you who went through the trauma. This can include talking to some of your young alters if you have any communication methods with them. Sometimes pulling them forward through focusing on your internal child might happen and sometimes those with DID can access the internal child through more basic IFS (internal family system) and Part Work methods. And offer them compassion for what they are going through.

Shame

When you find thoughts of shame start to spiral, not the thoughts and the feelings in your body. But then take a long breath and work to not identify with that thought. The emotion and thoughts exist but you don’t have t push yourself to think about it r feel it. Picture the emotion and try and let it pass.

Working towards self neutrality is also a good goal. Refraimging the language you use to talk about yourself, and in your case, your alters, to something that lacks overly negative connotation ill help change the schemas of shame. Coping Skills: Ditch Value judgments

Those words of compassion we talked about early when you find yourself starting to feel so down on yourself and shameful try saying these words to yourself. Along with some positive self aspirational mantras, you can help start to reshape the patterns your neurology follows. You won’t believe them at first but saying these will help with healing.

Practising good self-care can be super important. When we can treat our body with honesty and respect that helps shape our internal sense of being respected and being care for. It’s also just good for general depression and health. [Coping Skills Masterposts: Self-Care]

I know how hard things like showers can be but starting with just tooth brushing and face washing can be important. If brushing of teeth is a trigger I suggest buying a smaller toothbrush like a kids size and changing toothpaste to one tat either foams less, is another colour or if the taste carries. Using baby whips or a wet cloth to areas like the groin, armpits, under breasts and behind knees would be another important step towards overall health.

Keeping the living space as neat as possible also counteracts feelings of overwhelming shame and self-esteem issues.

The use of sexual material to cope

When we struggling to deal our tendency to self-harm is very common as it’s a maladaptive attempt to cope. Using the stories as a way to in your words punish is a form of self-injurious behaviour. Factors like lack of regulation, compulsive behaviour, intrusive thoughts and being manipulated by users to believing this is a reaction to perceived threats. [Coping Skills: Combating Self-Harm Urges]

This doesn’t invalidate abuse as having been abused is not contingent in never interacting with sexual content, up to and including having sex, afterwards. CSA often predates other unhealthy sexual behaviours as a reaction to our sexual traumas. No way our trauma reactions show mean our abuse didn’t happen or didn’t hurt us deeply.

Coping Skills

It makes sense a lot of the mainstream grounding is hard and lack effectiveness. Much of the meditative type skills intensify dissociation. We also often struggle with our automatic nervous systems being even more fractured than those with PTSD. Our neurological behaviour will also be more likely to take any stress or confusion and push us to dissociate. Visualization also tends to work poorly for many of us with dissociative disorders for the same issue of a tendency to dissociate. Focusing on a singular self to ground into can also become hard for us too and trigger depersonalization.

If there are skills you liked in theory and didn’t have direct negative effects it might be worth trying them again. I do understand the frustration I really really do but it can be worth it. especially as you learn what coping skills can work with different somatic sensations and cognitive distortions.

I would suggest using some of the most basic coping methods of deep breathing. I would guess this already takes a lot of brainpower as even basic things like breathing regularly can be hard for those who have extreme dissociation. So it takes a huge amount of practice for us and time for it to be effective but it’s so very important.

I would suggest still trying to practice focusing on our body sensations even if we don’t add the subsequent suggestions for grounding. Knowing what sensations tend to present themselves when certain stimuli and thoughts are present is really important for coping. It can be true that the coping skill you are working at isn’t addressing where you are. For examples, our nervous system can be in hyperarousal but many grounding skills counteract hyperarousal. So try and look for engagement over relaxation or visa versus.

I am a big believer in the body-mind connection and import of the brain-body connection and coping that is body focused. Cogntive skills like thought stopping and replacing can be truly helpful in the short term for trauma survivors.

Talk to your alters as well, coping can be influenced by the emotions land somatic states trauma we are carrying along with the ones within our consciousness. They might also just have opinions on what you ought to do. This can be done internally or through other means like writing notes.

Mother-daughter incest

I have found very little survivor orientated material that could be helpful, I found mostly news sources about how it exists and academic texts.

If any of our community knows of survivor focused materials for survivors of mother-daughter incest please reply or submit them.

We do have a discord that you could join and we have an incest support channel we are still growing the members of the server but it might be a place to have peer support.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

#ask #advice #coping skills #dissociative identity disorder #did #dissociation #incest cw #mother mention #rape cw #noncon mention #Anonymous

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agent-hood · 5 years ago

Text

@the-roanoke-society

Nervous energy radiated from Carter’s every molecule, forcing Parker into a near-meditative stillness just to bring balance to the situation. Carter had been getting sent on more and more dangerous missions and wanted to seek some formal training for the particular brand of magic he possessed. So they sought help.

Kieran had been all too happy to direct them to Robin Goodfellow, who in turn got them in contact with his cousin, Fionn. The man agreed to meet with Carter to test his skill, but the twins had learned a bit too late that Fionn was the leader of the Brightguard, the only martial group the Seelie court held. So meeting them was a big deal. Like a child on their school’s yearbook committee landing an interview with the panel responsible in determining who to award the Nobel Peace Prize.

It had planted a seed in Carter which Parker thought him previously incapable of growing- insecurity. She already knew that there wasn’t anything this Fionn could do that her brother couldn’t, but seeing him daunted turned what would have been polite cordiality into a contrarian indifference. She didn’t care if he was the most powerful being in all the universes, so long as his existence made Carter feel bad then in her eyes he was less important than the dirt beneath her heel.

“Maybe we shouldn’t meet with them.” He started as they walked ever closer to the agreed meeting spot. “We can say I came down with the flu or something and couldn’t make it- I’m sure they’d understand.”

Parker sighed and stopped them. They were just about to the edge of the clearing and definitely past the point of no return.

“Carter, you know I’ll back you up whatever you decide, but you wanted to do this to help take some of the work off dad’s plate. It’s gotten a little over our heads I’ll admit but we shouldn’t lose focus just because there’s some uppity knight who thinks he can talk to trees better than you can.”

“Who’s uppity?” Came a robust voice only a few yards ahead of them. Parker was proud of herself for not jumping right out of her skin in surprise, but she put that aside to reach for Carter’s hand when she noticed he had grown pale in response.

Before them were four figures (each she learned through research was a ‘general’ of the guard and a master of a respective elemental magic). The one who spoke, who she could only assume was Fionn, was a near-perfect physical specimen, if your type was golden and sculpted. The other man hung towards the back, also handsome and tall, but with darker features and enormous wings. He looked like someone took an angel and gave him levels of romanticized angst that teenagers could only dream about.

The other two were women, and couldn’t look more different if they tried. One stood rigidly at Fionn’s side, a statuesque beauty but looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. And the other was slight, possibly even shorter than Parker, with almond eyes and a bright smile as she waved at them both.

“I think she’s talking about you of course.” The smaller one said, giving Fionn an impish grin.

“...she wouldn’t necessarily be wrong.” The other woman said (making Parker immediately like her).

“Fionn.” He said, stepping forward to introduce himself, hand extended and grin that said he was entirely too sure of himself. They shook politely.

“I’m Parker and this is my brother, Carter. I trust Robin informed you of our situation?”

“He did yeah...” he said, rubbing his chin casually (and setting off Parker’s internal alarm bells that he was set on toying with them). “But the thing is, I’m a very busy man. There are plenty of full-blooded fae out there who would swim through a river of silver to have me show them the ropes.”

Parker glanced at Carter and nearly saw red. his eyes were fixed on the ground and he was biting his lip; He wasn’t pale and nervous anymore, he was ashamed. As much as she wanted to walk away or chew him out right there, this was still a high-ranking member of the Seelie court and the cousin of their father’s friend. If she was going to get an apology from him (and she would), then it had to be worked for.

“You doubt his ability?”

“I just need a demonstration to see where we need to start from is all- I said I would assist and I’m a man of my word.”

“Almost too many...” Parker muttered darkly, words slipping out before she could catch them.

“What was that?”

Shit.

“Well, you said a lot about your time and importance, but how do we know you’re in a position to train Carter?”

“I’ll have you know I have mastered complete command of all botanical and earth-related magic for longer than your ancestors have been around.”

“And I’ll have you know that my brother is more talented than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m sure he is talented as much as he can be, but let’s face it- you are just a human so how much can you have seen?”

“You know what- you seem so sure in this-“ “I am.” “So it would be no issue for you to prove it.” “None at all.” “So what do you say to a friendly spar?” “Oh please-“ “and if I win, you have to take back what you said.” “You!? Well IF you can land any hit I’d be glad to do so. But what do I get out of this?” “Well IF you’re able to prove to me you’re just as powerful as you say you are- I’d be happy to admit you’re the better fae.”

With that same smug grin as before, he extended his hand in acceptance. As Parker reached to shake it, Carter and the other’s voices rang out to try and stop them; saying that they were being immature/had nothing to prove.

“STAY OUT OF THIS.” They both yelled in unison before snapping their attention back to each other as they shook hands in agreement. Parker walked a ways away (to what she assumed would be the edge of their ‘arena’) and collected her thoughts.

She had been trained for this- not just taking down guys four times her size (thanks to Joe for insisting on a combat-focused regimen), but taking down their power.

Remembering her training with Louise and Rae, she calmed her heart rate, stilled her breath, found where her own power lay within her (dormant and hungry and so different and misplaced compared to anything else), and reached.

It was satisfyingly easy, to feel Fionn’s own power (vibrant and green- he wasn’t boasting about how powerful he was), and to cloak it. Like snuffing out a candle from a person who thought it was the sun. So long as she maintained focus on that, she’d have the upper hand.

‘Alright, hard part over.’ She thought as she moved into a defensive stance, telegraphing that he would have to make the first move in this fight. And he did, coming at her slow and obvious- letting her know that she wasn’t even worth the effort of pretending he wasn’t taking it easy. Parker just added that to the pile of mistakes and assumptions he was making.

It was an easy strike to deflect and even easier to move away from. She debated the risk of continuing on with this pattern until he grew tired, but something told her his stamina would outlast hers. No she would need to end this soon.

She was quick, but Fionn was able to keep up. Parrying every potential hit with an ease that came from centuries of practice, and always gentle. Batting her fists away like they were flies, redirecting any kick like they were dancing. He might have been able to physically keep time with her, his patience couldnt.

She saw the exact moment when it happened- when Fionn attempted to use his powers and couldn’t. A look, half wild panic and half unfiltered rage, clouded his blue eyes as he realized exactly who was responsible and what she was capable of.

‘Perfect- now we can finally start.’

He came at her then, no longer holding back or staying still, and a terrible and deep part of Parker was thrilled at it. At finally being challenged, at reaching that point where it was all instinct; where she got her best results.

Soon enough they were both heaving and dizzy from the effort- but still without a clear winner. Parker had taken a few blows, but that was expected, and nothing that had made her yield.

Finally, she saw an opening- after stepping to the side he didn’t follow fast enough and his back was to her. She seized the opportunity and made to strike, but realized too late that it was exactly what he wanted her to do.

Before she could blink, Parker found herself pinned to the ground, winded from the force of it. But if he expected her to admit defeat at this point then that would be his mistake. Just because she couldn’t move her limbs did not mean she couldn’t win.

Thrusting her head forward she was able to catch him off guard with a headbutt, unfortunately her angle wasn’t perfect and a balloon of pain burst across her face where she was sure she had broken her nose. Thankfully, her gambit had paid off and Fionn had fallen back in a daze.

For a long moment nothing happened, with both of them holding their faces in an attempt to regain their bearings.

“Okay...” Fionn said, voice sounding tired but not nearly as winded or hurt as Parker hoped. “I yield. You made your point and got a solid hit in... I’m sorry.”

“Yeah...” She sighed in agreement. “I yield too. Although I’m not apologizing.”

“You don’t need to.” He groaned as he pulled her up to stand. “I am fully able to admit I was in the wrong here. I took your lineage as an indicator for talent and made assumptions.”

Parker was suddenly swept up in a crushing hug as Carter finally reached her.

“Dammit Park, dont ever do something like that again no matter how badass it is! Just look at your nose- what is dad going to say?”

“Whatever he’d like, but I think he’s going to be more preoccupied with the news that Carter is going to get the training he needs.” Fionn jumped in, clapping a friendly hand on Carter’s shoulder, The ‘cocky asshole’ impression now fully gone. “You’ve gotta let me in on how you were able to override my power. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

“Oh well Parker can nullify fae-magic. It’s her own special ‘thing’.” Carter offered as everyone else drew closer, speaking to them as if they were new friends. It brought Parker back to when they were in highschool and her twin was able to fit in wherever he went, able to make everyone feel like they were part of the ‘cool kids’.

“Nah, I felt that immediately. I’m talking about when halfway through and it slipped- I still tried to reach out. I commanded the trees to intervene and restrain her but... nothing.”

“Oh!” Carter began to look sheepish at that. “I, uh, kinda asked them not to? It’s just- I really wanted Parker to win.”

The surprised and silent smiles that each of them grew made the fight (and broken nose) absolutely worth it to Parker. Granted she hadn’t been aware her control had slipped, but having Carter there more than made up for it.

“Carter... it is going to be a genuine honor to train you.”

#agent hood #agent thorn #fionn #the roanoke society #//in which parker is smol and full of rage #//and its the first time officially meeting fionn

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pinkbutterfly84 · 5 years ago

Text

Scorpion Season 1

I have watched Scorpion several times and thought I would post about each episode, favourite moments, quotes, thoughts questions I have!

This will be heavily quintis based as I love their relationship ❤

Not done this before so here goes.........

1.01 - one of the best pilot episodes I've seen was hooked from the start. Loved seeing the relationships from the beginning Happy and Toby had chemistry from the start

Sneaky cameo from the real Walter o'Brian, caring Paige, OCD Sylvester, Cocky Toby, Insensitive Walter and Snarky Happy

Question: is that how Eddie runs or does he run like that as Toby always makes me laugh?

Favourite scene - server scene with Happy and Toby it showed Toby's unique profiling skills

Favourite quote Happy " I hate you" Toby "no you dont"

1.02 - start to see the characters back stories Toby with his gambling, Walter and Megan, Happy being abandoned and remembering it and Cabe and the loss of his daughter

Happy seemed jealous of Toby keeping current with his ex fiancee

Toby bites his nails when he is nervous or worried you see it for the first time in this episode

Favourite scene - happy and toby in the truck talking about love

You see Happy sharing personal details with Toby starting to show the depth of their friendship

Favorite quote - Toby "Earl knows his way around a hoagie"

I love that Sly gives his pay cheque away money isn't everything

Loved meeting Megan bought out a softer side of Walter

Wished Toby was at the BBQ instead of gambling think he realised it was ok to move on from Amy

1.03 - meeting Merrick for the first time who doesn't like Scorpion

Happy assaulting a Marine is hilarious

Happy feeling up Toby to take money is a good insight into their future

Happy and Toby reading together is so cute

Favourite quote - "be determined to have a great day and you will"

"Mensa please there are pornstars in mensa"

Favourite scene - end scene Scorpion is a family like a Cyclone

1.04 - Walters interpersonal skills in this episode are seriously lacking from how he speaks to Toby to his flippant dismissal of the card dealer

The way Walter speaks to Toby is out of line gambling is a risk one Walter wanted Toby to take how is it his fault he lost the money. Walter said some hurtful things to Toby it must of hurt to hear them from his supposed best friend

First sign of Toby's attraction to Happy when he makes a comment about having worse views when following her in the vents

Favourite scene - Happy and Toby zip lining to the casino showed happy's skills she made it look so easy and the start of Tony saying 'oh my........'

Favourite quote - "I'm like a blind man at a peep show what's the point"

1.05 - I love this episode get to be introduced to Mark Collins and see Happy truly angry and Toby starting to understand how to help her

Favourite quote- "if this nuclear powerplant doesn't melt down the team might"

Favourite scene- the end scene with the look between Toby and Happy

To me this episode is the starting point of Quintis from the note passed between them to Toby defending Happy to Collins to 'that look' between them at the end. I think that look is when Happy starts thinking of Toby as other than a friend

Question - do you think Happy kept the note? I like to think she has a keepsake section of a toolbox and things like the note goes in there

1.06 - I like how this episode switches between the physic evaluations and the story. It shows how the team all rely on Walter and how much respect they have for him

I feel like Walter uses his lack of emotions as an excuse for his actions

Quick cameo from Hetty from ncis - the dress on Paige looked amazing

This episode also sees the start of Tony's obsession with Happy dressing up

First introduced to super fun guy Sly's love for the action hero is a great character arc

Favourite quote-"you cant make an omelette without breaking a few eggs" or "just starting to see the scope of what's to be done"

Favourite scene-Toby getting crushed by wine bottles gets me everytime

1.07 - The team meets Drew, Ralph's dad the first of several interlopers into the team

Toby's keen perception skills pick up Happys feelings on not knowing her dad. Happy shreds Toby's finding but obviously regrets it and puts it back together

Seeing how much the guys care about Ralph and the impact of Drew coming back is really sweet

Favourite scene- Toby listening to 'Brandy' and singing in the car. Downloaded this song myself love that this show opened my eyes to new music

Favourite quote- "I'm gonna slap it like ot owes me money" or "I'm so turned on" or "serious as a pink freen and dont call me Shirly, BAM that's how you do it Cabe"

1.08 - why does Toby seem so excited to go into a crime scene?

Toby working up the courage to ask out Happy is a very 'normal' fear it puts him out of his comfort zone

Toby in a suit looking fit!

Question - how do you think Happys date went? I like to think she calls Toby after as it went so bad that they meet and go for pie or something

Favourite scene- Paige singing Kat has a really beautiful voice

Favourite quote- Paige"so him jumping the fence" Toby "he's meditating"

1.09 - this episode gives you a back story to Cabes character and his strong family values

Walter has a surprising EQ moment giving cabe the letters Rebecca wrote

Favourite scene- there wasn't one scene in this episode that stood out for me but Robert Patrick's acting definitely was the best of the episode

Favourite quote- "dear lord thank you for this gift"

Walter seems alot more in tune with his emotions and understanding other his relationship with cabe grew during this episode

1.10- probably my favourite episode of season 2

Loved seeing Megan and Sly interact and there friendship develop

Happy must be starting to feel safe around Toby to fall asleep on his shoulder and let her guard down

Walter doesn't know how to process peoples emotions of grief

The end Happy and Toby scene shows Happy needs time and in her way asks Toby not to give up

Favourite quote- ' I'm Happy' ' and I'm dying but you don't see me telling everyone'

Favourite scene- Happy and Toby on the rocks where Toby is sorting Happy's ankle. Toby is being truthful about his feeling and Happy is not sure how to react so they default to there defense mechanisms of wise cracks and putting up a shield

1.11 - I hate to love this episode any episode where Sly is hurt shouldn't be such a good episode but seeing how each member of the team deal with his injuries gives a real insight to their characters

I would of really of liked to see Toby tending to Sly at the scene he always deals with these emergency situations well

Love Megan...... just saying

I like how Toby walks to Happys truck like being by her possessions soothes him

In so many episodes Toby supports Happy and provides comfort in his own way but on this episode Happy is there for Toby when he is struggling to process the events

More scenes with Toby in his underwear please 🔥

Favourite quote- 'I'm taking a minute' ' we dont have a minute' 'I'm taking one any way'

Favourite scene- the end scene where the team are reading comics around Sly bed

1.12 - there are not many episodes where I actually like Walter but this is one of them what he does to save the boy is amazing and shows he doed have feelings

One of the few if only episide I dont like Sly when a kids life is at risk his insecurities should take 2nd place

Love Christmas episodes even with Black sabbath

Does anyone notice Toby putting his hand on Happy's shoulder in the cave to comfort her

Happy always listens to Toby may not seem it at the time but you later find out she has like going to see her father

I wonder if Toby and Happy spend Christmas day together I would like to think they meet and grab a meal at Kavalskis or have a take away

Toby watching Happy leave the hotel room he knows exactly where she is going I often eat h the background scenes more then the main ones

Favourite quote- ' I watch you work sometimes' 'thank you for making this creepy'

Favourite scene- Ralphs present and where Paige gives out her Christmas ornament gifts so many funny quips

1.13 - 1 step forward 2 steps back with Walter this episode shows his naivety with Ralph

Happys face when Toby said he was going to use the van as a make out hut with a lucky lady is it a jealous face or a will that lucky lady be me face??

I love seeing behaviourist Toby just as much as the daft funny one

El Gaupo loves this Sly is hilarious

Favourite quote- 'your no good with your hands, your a spiller'

'I'm rocking so much adrenaline right now my blood is basically redbull'

Favourite scene- this is actually a deleted scene from the dvd out takes happy teaching tobyvto break into a safe and Toby showing her digital surgery shows them wanting to understand each other more

1.14 - love how the genius cannot fathom the text message could be a genuine love messsge

Another jealous moment from Happy the look on her face when Toby ask if the lady owns a catsuit very amusing

Walter looks so uncomfortable talking to Fatima even with Paige in his ear he is clueless

Toby and Happy both looking like they have made an effort in their looks in this episode perhaps for each other??

Question anyone notice how Happy and Toby always stand next to each other or offer yo work together??

Favourite quote- 'did they rush Mozart when he wrote a sonet'

Favourite scene- happy scaling the building 'because she's Happy freaking Quinn'

1.15 - Walter has very selfish view on Ralph potentially moving to Portland he thinks he is the only one who can help Ralph

Toby's skills shine in this episode his facial expressions are hilarious but he manages to stay serious to deal with the situation

Favourite scene- another episode I dont really have a favourite scene it's an ok episode not much Quintis storyline

Favourite quote- 'it's cold hard metal yet so delicate and beatiful' - anyone else thinks Toby is talking about Happy not what she has made

'Andrew' 'its drew actually' 'and Drew is short for what exactly Michael'

1.16- this is a turning point episode for quintis Happy realises Toby is truly interested in exploring something more with her and Toby realises Happy values their friendship and just needs time....... like half a day till the end of the episode lol

Love Paige's outfit would love to be able to pull that off

Favourite quote- 'love can be misspelled and messy it just needs to be given a chance'

Favourite scene- the almost kiss obviously- Happy finally letting her guard down reaching out to hold Toby's hand and almost kissing

I like to think Happy and Toby went out for drinks after - not a date but maybe to talk or Toby to talk and Happy to sit stoically

1.17 - the is a lovely Melvester episode it really shows the love develping between them and the last scene dancing us lovely

I find Walter particularly arrogant in this episode wanting to prove something

Toby's eyes following Happy as she walks up the plane small looks and actions between them hint at a developing relationship

Anyone notice how close Happy stands to Toby when he is sat on the counter they are definitely touching she may even be leaning on him

Toby is so worried about Happy he literally stands by the door waiting for her to come back

Favourite quote- 'a very embarrassed person I just got kidnapped by 4th grader'

'I'm dangling a human being by a bed sheet that is my status'

Favourite scene- where the team are waiting to see if the kid does runner everyone doubting Toby and his skills only to be proven he was right and profiled the kid accurately

I'm actually changing my mind the scene between Walter and Sly is really moving and shows how much they love each other

I always like to think what would happen with the characters after and between episodes at this point I think Happy and Toby would be spending alot of time together after the trips grabbing a beer and pizza getting to know each other away from scorpion

1.18 - an ok episode introduces ferret bueller the team pet

Happy's face when Toby stops the doctor from injecting Walter obviously likes tough Toby making a stand

Favourite quote- 'are we judging people on their past resumes as you were a departmental Santa to help pay for college'

Favourite scene- the kiss...... comes as a shock to us and Toby, he us clearly surprised doesn't know what to do with his hands. If you listen carefully you can hear toby hum in the kiss clearly enjoying it. Happy also doesn't want it spoiling by Toby's analysis hence telling him to shut up

1.19 - Toby leaves his hat behind doesn't want yo loose the present Happy bought him

Happy annoyed at Toby for trying to protect her she has been independent for so long having someone care enough to risk his life unsettles her and she doesn't know how to deal with it

First time Toby really admits how he feels even though he gets an extinguisher in his face Hapy knows what he is trying to say

Song at the end by the old 97's another great song not heard until watching this series

Favourite quote- I'm the gambling expert we be dating

Favourite scene- the last scene with Happy and Toby on the roof they dont even look where the paper plane goes they are going on a date!!

1.20 - oh dear poor Happy poor Toby what an idiot!

Toby being nervous is so cute but poor guy sleeping through his date bad move

I think that Happy wasn't quite in the right place to start dating Toby what he did was stupid but not unforgivable I think she wanted an excuse and she was too scared to get involved and risk getting hurt or risk their friendship and this gave her the perfect excuse to stop it before it went any further

Even when she is mad at him she still wants the closeness by standing next to him and he is the one assisting her on the bus

The fact Happy still calls him Doc 'her name for him' shows she still cares her anger is a defense mechanism because she finally opened herself up and she got hurt something she didnt think Toby would ever do even though it wast intentional

Favourite scene - Toby talking to happy in the bus opening up about his past and his insecurities

Favourite quote- probability theroy dictates you cannot predict the future with absolute certainty but this is an exception there is zero chance she will accept your appology

1.21 - not overly keen on this episode Walter was extreme in his reaction to Cabes secret especially considering his big secret!

Happy is still annoyed at Toby yet she walks over and keeps standing close to him when in the garage

Anyone notice how their actions start to mimic each other - both standing hands in Jean pockets it's like they are in sync with each other

Favourite scene- watching this episode makes me realise there is no favourite scene but it is a great backstory to the next episode

Favourite quote- 'lying billionaire says what'

1.22 - poor Walter doesn't deal with abandonment or trust issues very well

Toby is amazing saving Walter's life without actually touching him

Happy offering for Toby to come babysit with her, she's thawing towards Toby friendship is getting back on track

Favourite quote- 'that dont have the brain power of me with a hangover and him when hes sleeping'

Favourite scene- I love this whole episode keeps you gripped to the edge of your seat

Recap on Season 1

Favourite Episode - there are several which make my top episodes the episode in Bosnia, Love Boat but I think 1.19 is my favourite high action surrounded by fire with so.e lovely Quintis moments

Favorite Scene - Quintis first kiss a moment which had been building fir several episodes

A great first season building all the characters back stories this is my best season for Paige she is still genuine I feel as seasons go on she looses who she was.

I love the Megan and Sky story 2 damaged persons one physically one emotionally finding love

Walter I cant gel with the character I know he is the leas but I find him condensing and arrogant (I'm sorry not a popular opinion I'm sure)

Quintis- this season is all about building their backstory to their relationship they are both emotionally damaged by their pasts. They start as work colleagues and friends, grow to best friends who learn to share and rely on each other and stronger feelings develop.

Toby realises his feelings first and is more open and honest about them, Happy is slower on the uptake and reluctant to be a thing more then friends as she doesn't want to risk what they have. Eventually she gives in to her feelings that kiss and arrange a date. Things dont go well and she quickly retreats back to Angry Happy. After such a close ckmall with Walter I think she realises life is too short and seemingly forgives Toby asking him to babysit with her..... what happens then is left to our imaginations - I like to think they go back to the garage Toby needs someone with him that night to prevent him gambling and Happy knows this. He struggles saving his best friends life not being able to physically help. I think they talk like old friends Toby doesn't push it as he knows the time isnt quite right and they have a night if beer, pizza and chat

Let's see what Season 2 brings .............

#toby curtis #happy x toby #team scorpion #scorpionedit #toby x happy #eddie kaye thomas #jadyn wong #cbs scorpion #SaveScorpion #happy quinn #quintis

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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If you have the time, could you do a quick overview for Xiumin (exo) for his ideal type/romance or just his chart in general? No rush of course. Thanks in advance, you're crazy talented at this. ❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💞💞💞 I can do his overview no probs!! 💞💞 This probably won’t be talking about his ideal type/romance but I hope you like it! 💞

[EXO Xiumin/Kim Minseok Overview]

🚫long post 🚫

I wrote SO MUCH for this but then I lost it all because my computer decides to shut off so im sorry if this is :((( shorter than expected.

Aries Sun | Pisces Moon | Aries Mercury | Aquarius Venus and Mars

God ok so I hope I make it in time for his birthday still and I’ll give a quick… overview of the main points I’ve talked about before it shuts off

The first thing to talk about are those Aquarius Venus/Mars he has because damn that’s an incredible thing to have?? I’m going to talk about the placement first before we dive into the aspects

A lot of incredible dancers in the idol industry tends to have aspects to Aquarius– particularly Aquarius Mars/Sun (Chungha, Hoseok, Seulgi oh and Jongin also has?? Aquarius stuff as well??)

With Minseok, this Aquarius is probably an understated but really really powerful side to him thats– amazing to see honestly!!

Part of why Aquarius placements are incredible is because they have a lot of persevering power. Not just as a fixed/air sign, but also because of his Aries (Sun/Mars sextile) and how it’s working together in his manifestation

Bodily, physically. There’s a lot of tangibility (physicality) to Aquarius even if most interpretation talks about the mind/energy that they embody. It’s the translation of those energy (external/stimuli/noises/source) into something that’s grounded (fixed) onto the physical body– movement, dancing, interpretation of immaterial things into the physicality of the situation/reality is something that Aquarians have an incredible ability to do intuitively as well.

See the thing about Aquarius is that they embody both the ‘learning/conditioning’ aspect of a craft (certain aspects of the topic, like say ‘teaching’ themselves to do something, incredible perseverance/discipline in this regards) as well as the intuitive/analysis quality of it that comes from the ‘self/self-expression’

It’s a combination of Saturnian energy and Uranian energy. That Uranian energy in particular– taking something that’s been learnt and progressing/leading into something that’s ‘moving forward’ with (’yes we know that but then what now/what next’). Having the space/freedom in order to do so.

These people embody a lot of discipline/control that comes from their own mindset/values (not what socially regarded) and without the ‘title/responsibility’ set on them ‘officially’ by other people (authority giving them titles of ‘leaders’ in something) – they can excel in so many different areas they set their mind to. And that has to do with the ‘freedom’ they are given and their ability to work well on their own terms/set themselves up for it.

You can see your local Aquarius excelling well at something that doesn’t burden them with titles– often times, Aquarius are said to be rebellious and free-spirited but it has more to do with the mind-set or restrictions (lack thereof) that is set upon them by others/themselves.

Aquarius ARE discipline, but more like SELF-discipline in what THEY want to do. Aquarius works so well when they have a purpose, a space, an area where they can just push their energy into and do their work/show their skill-sets and adjust others as they see needed.

The dominance/control over their own skills and being respected/admired on the subject helps the Aquarius placements a lot– there’s no pressure of anything ‘official’ but the work speaks for itself, and the respect/admiration/people coming to them for advice truly helps them take on the lead/flourish in what they do.

There’s integrity here, in the way that they demonstrate rather than speak. They are people who really do ‘fix’ alot of their energy into driving power/force of what their skills are/what they do. Aquarius energy (Saturn/Uranus) often let people notice a couple of things about them:

1) They are naturally disciplined, capable achievers and leaders, able to work on their own and with a team. They can handle shit and often times, their Saturnian energy really do enhance their critical eye and they are able to give constructive/creative advice without offending too many people (maybe not in regards to emotions/others insecurities) because it comes from a place of understanding/truly wanting to see manifestation in something and not undermining anyone’s ability as they do ‘the best that they can’

2) They don’t notice that they stand out, even when they’re doing nothing. Its the way they carry themselves, with grace and capabilities. True power of these Aquarians comes from within and their ability to detect and ‘filter’ the bad/good intentions from people.

Aquarius Venus in particular, can be good at helping others problems out more so than themselves sometimes. In a way, they ARE invested in helping out others but most might not notice this/take offense to it because they can be focused on analyzing/thinking about the problems (and can come off as quite blunt) instead of highlighting/knowing how to word things right (cushion it) to show how understanding/compassionate they truly are (misunderstanding).

At the same time there’s a strong driving force in focusing on themselves. No messy, no non-sense. Often times they’re fun-loving people but within the square they’ve drawn up for themselves. Discipline remember? If they deem something as ‘tasteless’ then that’s that on that.

Aquarius ‘fixed/air’ nature is more about the driving force– the movement of getting yourself into this motion/gear of constant movement (air) and the repeated pattern of it. Most Aquarius placements may have to find a way to ‘break’ out of the mold they made for themselves– they are quite self-aware as well so I’m sure most would always notice when they ‘lack’ something and tries to work on it consciously by themselves (through social interaction– often times when people complain that they ‘lack’ compassion or ‘hurt’ others intentionally)

Most people who give constructive criticism to Aquarius would often mention begrudgingly that they ARE honest/truthful but at the same time, they may often disregard certain emotionality level to it (and thats the main problem for them).

The Aquarius driving motion– is thinking over the latter part and finding ‘steps’ to overcome it, once they have step one in mind they start implementing it. They work on a trial and error, most of the time as they go (in order to remedy the problem/deal with things as they come).

Aquarius Venus often has people thinking they’re: ‘freedom loving!!!’ and ‘friendly’ even when it’s?? the ‘result’ of what they’re prompted to do (reaction) not the ‘reasoning’ (like say there’s more to it beneath the layer than that and you can’t take things on a surface level if you want to understand them/have to actually ask/get to know them to not cause misunderstanding)

What you see isn’t exactly how it is. They’re friendly because they believe in universality, it’s politeness in a way– decency and respect for others/that should be given back to them. If you cross that line, they have no obligation to be ‘friendly’ towards you – they’re not gonna lie there and take it. You have to learn how to understand how they work as well.

‘Freedom loving’ in another way is a case of privacy/personal space, it’s being grounded in oneself (like an earth sign) and a self-expression. It’s for them, not for you. Don’t get it twisted thinking you can’t ground them, ‘freedom-loving’ is a way they ground themselves. This isn’t your call to make, it’s theirs. So respect that too!

Most people don’t think they’re polite because they’re blunt– but they are polite. They’re thoughtful, just need to develop consideration more sometimes.

There’s a lot of dichotomy/things we can go through with them because y know– they symbolize two things. The water carrier/vase thing and the the water flowing out. Much like how the other air signs have duality in them, Aquarius has this too but may be more concerned/stressed about how other people ‘dont fully understand them’ but yeah. We’ll get to that soon (in other posts maybe)

So that’s part of how he comes across to others, probably at the beginning. There’s a respectful distance with strangers/new people sometimes– observing, can sometimes be a little distance/detached but he has enough nervous energy and friendliness (personability) to not like– come across as someone who’s unreasonable/you can’t get along with sometimes

(If you’re not much of an overly teasing/dramatic person because that can throw them off a bit bc ‘tf bitch?? we’re not that close yet you can’t do that’ – Saturnian Aquarius respectable energy)

His true core however– Sun/Moon (and Mercury) combination IS someone who’s quite playful. Often quirky, has a sense of humour that’s quite quirky even if he doesn’t SAY say things but rather SHOW it instead (emotionality and compassion flows out more than is said/translated through communication sometimes)

The main beef here is with that Pisces Moon which really really shines a lot. Minseok essentially — is such a compassionate, sensitive, sentimental (sensual) person at his core. In terms of subconscious, the internal and his emotions, it translates to how he cares about others, his dream/goals and how he expresses himself so much.

This is the driving force– the Aries acts as the outlets and the way he goes about getting things/doing things. Pisces is the prompter. It’s the part of him that feels, fears, deals and settles things internally. It’s the part of him that creates dimensionality and layers sometimes. Strong need for self-expression and connectivity with others.

Those with Pisces Moon often tends to be someone who finds themselves using creative media/outlets in order to manifest themselves, because it’s a way they can push all that scattered nervous/anxious/worrier energy out into something that they enjoy and can connect to others as well. They may ‘depend’ on something (music, writing, art, creating something) and often when they’re alone– they may tend to day-dream or let their mind get some ‘rest’ and can come off as someone who has a lot of internal energy they can utilize into the external (if you’re friends with them)

Amazingly receptive to other people’s emotionality as well, they’re one the fastest people to be fond of others and may often let others cling/hold on/take care of them (or be taken care of but that may happen less often) – most pisces moon people are incredible actors, because they are able to put themselves in other people’s shoes and can ‘feel’ emotions as if they’re going through the same thing (highly imaginative)

The more they suffer/think of scenarios that makes them suffer the more they get emotional, there’s an element to them that’s self-suffering sometimes (not always)– as in, they may somethings be the kind of worrier that over-stress something/has a habit of doing that (over-think/analyze something) that they may self-doubt or push themselves into the ground (hesitance)

Because they’re rather fearful of being ‘overly optimistic/hopeful’ and not have that handed to them in a plate (which is why achievements are kinda met with a confused, happy, scared kinda approach sometimes) – they’d rather think ‘realistically’ and self-sabotage themselves from their ‘dream/first choice’ if they let this element of worrying overwhelm them.

On the other hand, he does have a lot of Aries placements that may be the ‘dependency’ crutch. As in, if his Pisces dreams gets too overwhelming/scary because it’s so hopeful– the Aries is bumped up to help provide support.

Anything he doesn’t earn with his own two hands (bare hands) and hasn’t climbed/rightfully felt he achieved he doesn’t take. It has to feel like he ‘earned’ it somehow — a sense of principality, if he’s put in effort/worked hard for it then it comes with a price that’s he’s paid. The Aries aims for a perfectionist state (much like it’s sister Libra) but the process is more through proving themselves, rather than tactic/prepped-work/strategy sometimes.

Pisces can also be— scared of criticism, or worry a lot about perspectives. Other people’s perspective, consideration for things. The overall sensitivity and sentimentality to certain things can often make them pace back and forth by themselves figuring out what to do and how to do things without acting much on it.

Whilst Aries (polarizing force) can be the absence of that – going back to the basics (full circle) instinct, what they want, the main ‘core’ of the thing tightly wrapped and concentrated/focused on. The sheer belief in something that pushes native through the achieving their goals/dreams without ‘thinking too much’ about things uselessly (efficiency)

The thing about this is, you have one side of him that does think things through. Is sensitive, considerate. Vulnerable and learn a lot from others (want to share it with others) – but he doesn’t speak/say. He doesn’t pull attention to it because maybe who knows who’s going to judge him (criticism) and Aries is against vulnerabilities/exposure of that or rather– talking about it in a way that leaves them defenseless and cuts down on their credibility (it’s like opening the self up bare and the other person looking down on them/stomping on/not understanding them)

Aries/Pisces combination is more SHOWING through his self-expression, how it’s received. Learning it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in a way– because he has plenty of strengths (Aries/Aquarius) that carrying personal things by himself can become burdensome on his psyche if he doesn’t ‘share’ it with others sometimes as well (Jupiterian influence)

This Pisces Moon gets stronger, more developed as it expresses itself. There’s moments where he’s intuitive, soft and sensitive and can’t hold back his tears/compassion for others. And there’s time where he’d rather support, encourage, motivate or direct/guide others instead.

There’s a duality to this nature here. Where on one hand— you get Aries who’s confident, self-assured, may be blunt/crass and decisive. And then there’s Pisces who’s hesitant, sensitive, compassionate/willing to listen but also needs time to itself as well (both do, Aries in order to manifest/do things for the ‘self’ and Pisces to cover emotionally from taking in so many stimuli from the environment)

If you don’t know him that well— there are moments where his Aries may discredit his Pisces side. Sometimes he’s someone who is blunt, straight-forward. Someone who is decisive, based on fair play and honesty– focused on principality. If you want something this is something that is earned/worked for it. Can be quite stubborn, may limit his vision because he can see things from his experience. And sometimes his Pisces takes over, someone who worries, over-stress, hesitant and indecisive.

You have a duality here of someone who can be pretty vulnerable (or weak-minded) and someone who is also strong, resilience and sure of themselves (confident, strong-minded) you get a mixture of a person who have to balance the two together— because they make full circle right?

How to not get stuck in either Aries or Pisces but rather balance them both – develop both essentially.

It’s like on certain topics his Aries takes control– this is how it is, that’s how to get there. This is a sure-fire decision. Talking more about the things they need to tick off. And then on certain topics, there’s a deliberate consideration of emotionality on topics. The goal for Aries/Pisces ultimately is to work from one energy to the other – if you’re a Pisces thinking phrase right now, instead of discrediting your work it’s using that Aries energy to not suppress it (but encourage it/speed it up) it order for it to reach something the Aries can take the banton from and run with (manifest)

If you’re an Aries thinking phase, it’s adding that heavier element (expansive/wider) of Pisces to your thinking and not dismissing it. It’s working with what you have, because essentially – you don’t want to suppress/cut one side off but see it work/develop nicely to do a relay run with both doing it’s equal parts.

Pisces Moon can also make for someone who needs time to retreat back into themselves– for their emotional state, like being at home/sleeping in order to ground themselves/recharge from their environment. Because they can expend so much of their energy on mundane/external task, being at home and being able to enjoy the simplicity/joys of life really brings them a lot of joy.

Another thing to touch on is that Aries Sun/Mercury – combine with Aquarius in his placements, he can be someone who is essentially very strong. The trouble with the overly worrying Pisces is one of the main vulnerabilities that should be addressed, because it ultimately balances this ‘strength’ with sensitivity and emotional receptivity but also enhances a fear (Pisces) of being misunderstood (Aries/Aquarius) as well.

Anyways… Aries Sun/Mercury and it’s strength. A lot of people think ‘oh Aries they HAVE to be loud and crass’ – that’s not necessarily true. Most prominent is their laid-back nature, they’re concentrated on themselves and their experience. An Aries is less judge-y on you than earth signs sometimes, because they don’t ‘measure’ things like others tend to do.

An Aries respect their personal individuality/freedom, celebrates their own strength/individuality (when it’s healthy) and thus– they celebrate yours/give you the space to do that for yourself. You rarely meet an Aries who doesn’t take personal offense to someone calling them ‘dishonest’ because it’s an attack on their personal integrity (prompt -> reactor)

None of the messy shit, Aries is more of a defensive sign than an offensive one (compared to Scorpio it’s counterpart)

‘A baby doesn’t cry out of nowhere, it’s prompted by something and that crying (complaining) is a reaction to it’ – Aries level of expression is more concentrated about reacting to the stimuli, rather than explaining the stimuli/reasoning behind it’s stressors.

It’s more of an action-y type because it shows through demonstration, and in a way a stability in themselves that they are principled and trustworthy. They don’t take kindly to others who don’t have this sense of fair-play or don’t ‘walk the way they talk the talk’ for. Bluffers in particular, has to bring their A-game in (no non-sense in a way even though they ARE silly and playful people themselves)

In a way it’s also self-discipline. In a way they trust/believe in certain things and ‘do’ something about it. Aries ARE persevering, this comes from Aries before it moves onto Taurus.

An Aries may not be patient but they are persevering, the kind where they butt their heads against the wall and if it doesn’t budge– ‘think smarter not harder’ and try something else (that motion of charging/working/finding something that ‘fits the lock’ and is ‘right’ – cardinal/fire – instinctual/decisive) before a taurus (post Aries who found the ‘right lock’ – continues to butt its head there until it gives – fixed/earth)

Aries can be great at team-work because they DO care about others, they DO show compassion and are kind to others. Most people for some reason disregard this because they don’t understand/appreciate how the Aries work (compared to Libra/Venusian signs). But it’s in the way they observe from a distance– knows when you’re down/struggling and gives you the time/space to work shit out on your own by blocking challenges/possible threats that will hinder you even more by putting themselves in the way of it for you.

They pull attention AWAY from you when you need the space/time to work through your shit, yes you can struggle but they need you to meet them halfway because they can’t solve your personal problem for you. YOU need to do it, but an Aries is there to protect, guard, shield and encourage/motivate/cheer you up if you need them by your side.

An Aries cares in the way they initiate things for you, if you’re a rather shy person they start the interaction. If you don’t want attention they pull it away from you. They care when they sit down with you to check in, giving you their concentration/attention and honesty.

An Aries cares– sometimes, in the way they physically put themselves in front of you if you don’t want to be seen (or doing things/urging you to do things that are good for you) the way they face things heads on for you and handle challenges in order for you to have more time figuring your shit out.

They care in the way they physically reassure you– a hand around your shoulder, validation, a nod, whatever you need if they can give. They won’t over-do it but they will care and accept you if you give them a chance to do so.

They’re close-minded when it comes to themselves, more ‘free-minded/open-minded’ when it comes to others. Trust in an Aries, if you need direction or some stability – they’re great people to be around because they exert more of themselves to make up for the lack of yours.

These sister signs (Libra/Aries) is about balance– an Aries will know when you’re not exerting yourself/need them to do something in order to equalize the interaction and they will do it. They’re great supporters in the team, as well as leaders if you need them to be.

But more so than that, they just want freedom to be themselves. You can’t place responsibilities on someone but give them restrictions that makes no sense (linearly) established structure or enough room to ‘bounce off the wall/make their own path’ helps a lot too.

Non-messy, simplistic. In a way that if something works in the way it’s supposed to then it will. Back to the basics, the clear simple solutions is appreciated (no nonsense) don’t play mind games unless both sides are consented/knows the rules and agreed to play.

They may enjoy stimuli and equal game-play than they realize– essentially what an Aries want is banter in a way that’s naturalized/organic and plays to the advantage of BOTH individual involved (or more if there’s more participants) – similarities to Libra but in a way that’s more observable/manifestive (fair play, fair minded, balanced in an intuitive way but you gotta bring your game/meet them half way because they can’t solve/bend themselves back for you bc thats not?? fair or healthy.)

Libra/Aries perfectionist streak when it comes to Aries is more about that perseverance strength– tenacity. Aries sets its eyes on something and then manifestation is something they do. Sometimes they can be obstinate, doesn’t listen to others because if they want it they will do it (and occasionally out of spite as well)

Personal freedom comes with a balance of privacy/private space– and this is something that is amplified by Pisces Moon as well (need to ground) – for an Aries, grounding is being active/feeling productive in what they do. It’s stimulation (fire) that feels like it’s going somewhere– moving flame, and some of the fear/frustration comes with fearing the fire will burn out if it doesn’t get enough wind/action going on. Passion is represented in the flames.

Aries may find themselves frustrated if they don’t feel like they’ve manifested/fulfilled something out– often being hard on themselves for ‘starting and not finishing’ or seeing something fulfilled (stubborn, can sometimes try to remedy/finish a goal by persistently doing it anyways even if they don’t want to anymore because they believe in principle of it instead of reasoning/listening to their own emotionality sometimes)

Besides this– Aries/Aquarius makes for someone who enjoys thrills, often times mental/visual stimulation (VR is more of a Pisces thing but the physicality of movement is Aries/Aquarius too) say someone offers an alternative route— Aries loves innovative ideas and Aquarius likes pulling it apart/the concept of it. If something’s done cleverly, within reason, in order to prove something (improve on something) then they absolutely love it.

Another thing is that they are often people who can motivate others up, a lot of vitality to them especially in terms of encouragement/refreshing energy when they are with those who doesn’t get a lot of it/is depleted.

Yes a part of him will need to be alone/by himself too but socially, he can be a very sensitive and equally reliable/dependable person because of his strength (uniqueness/skill-set – Aquarius/Aries) as well.

Likes something that’s new, thats innovative. If he feels like someone is going in a direction that’s progressive/good for them then he can be someone who encourages/support them in their path.

I think the whole spiel I did above was to highlight how ‘underdog’ traits can be apparent in Aquarius Venus/Mars placements?? Like no they don’t ask for recognition they show it/prove it, if they know what they’re talking about then they won’t hesitate to validate/prove it even more. Understated, but very efficient/dominance energy.

Also a lot of Aquarius Mars placement have powerful movements, it’s to do with their control and the energy they put into ‘feeling’ and ‘planning’ (not prior but as they go) what the ‘narrative’ is going to be.

Cohesiveness is more of the goal rather than like– a prep-planned/pre-planned idea. They like control, but it’s a control that’s more to do with themselves/what they do with their energy rather than controlling anyone else (unless they ask for advice from them)

Sun/Mercury conjunction and his overall placement does point to a lot of an avid learner personality — learning comes from experience as well as discipline/studies. There can be sense of validation for doing something ‘right’ – for being ‘objectively’ successful in terms of studying or choices because essentially that covers up for Pisces insecurity sometimes.

If you have this placement too – make sure to look that you aren’t seeking validation from others to make up for your confidence in yourself (which can lead to a lot of ‘me’ or attention-needing attitude) Even if you ARE confident in yourself to an extent, an Aries learns best when it’s perfectionist streak is broken and begins to rely more on itself, rather than subconscious dependency on material validation instead (skill-sets, valuability, social popularity, etc.)

Positive aspects from Sun to Mercury, Mars (I didn’t look at the Sun-Moon conjunct because it’s 9′ at 12.00pm) but this is very promising because it can point to a rather optimistic person publicly. Often popular because they seem to have strength, gain strength and encourage others through their sunshine attitude even when others are tired out.

If Sun/Moon conjunct at a tighter degree, it could point to someone who may be quite disciplined. Old soul but also youthful, lively but also easily settled back into a listener’s role. Self-struggle is still a thing, but there’s a more positive motion for it as well.

Sun/Jupiter-Uranus square can point to someone who may often over-expend themselves sometimes. Expansion, exaggeration. All with sincerity but they can sometimes bite off more than they can chew/do for others and thus feels the consequence/frustration with themselves later on sometimes (and don’t know why they feel that way).

Considering how his Jupiter is in Cancer and Uranus is in Capricorn – it’s more about a sense of balance and stability in himself. Sometimes giving too much to others to a point where he comes home feeling unsatisfied or analyze situation at home/his next plan of action but then getting ‘swept off by the flow’ when he goes out again.

Moon/Saturn is quite strong in his chart— pointing to the above point about being quite disciplined. His Saturn is in Capricorn, domiciled whilst his Moon is in Pisces – it can make for someone who’s quite in tune with his emotionality but can sometimes struggle to say it outwards and thus, focus more on long-term manifestation of it over time (building of bond, trust, loyalty and established connection) before he feels comfortable talking about it in the open.

It also points to a strong persevering drive to see his visions (Pisces Moon) through into reality. Sticking with it through thick and thin, his emotionality or rather ‘devotions’ aren’t something to be laughed at all because it ‘sticks’ and thus– impressions stays with him forever.

Mercury/Mars in sextile and Mercury/Uranus-Neptune in square — this points to someone who does genuinely enjoy a good banter. Even more– talking about issues/topics or in a way that makes things accessible for the normal/less elitist people so that it’s approachable.

Aries/Aquarius draws down the energy of something that COULD be complicated but is put in a way that’s understandable for everyone (can be good at explaining too) – at the same time, he may have moments where things just gets out of hand/act passively and then he’s left to deal with the consequences of things not going the way he wants it to happen/opportunities passed (Neptune aspect) which can be frustrating for the Aries to have to face (often maybe an opportunity to make it into a reality – Capricorn Neptune)

Venus and Mars square to Pluto (conjunct to each other) can point to a powerful personality, can sometimes exemplifies his Aquarian nature/trait (especially with the earlier Mercury/Uranus aspect) — again, Saturnian/Uranus nature as well.

Powerful devotion and standing power (disciplined) but at the same time they can be nit-picky, critical, moody/brooding or feels a strong need to get affirmation/confirmation that they are on the same page as the other person. If there’s a lack of movement, they may often feel the effect of this Pluto even strongly– making them doubt, get suspicious or become critical of something/someone or even themselves sometimes.

Powerful with that Venus/Mars conjunction – but at the same time, when it’s aspecting Pluto in Scorpio (domicile) the Aquarius nature may often overthink/obsess over the value/validity of certain things without getting enough reasoning/affirmation to verify/sustain it’s own over-working mind.

Alrighty I think that’s it, another thing about Aries is that they often have ‘powerful’ image or like– stand out for their eyes/eyebrows whilst Aquarius also makes them semi-aware of how they look/pose or making them look better when it’s in gif/motions than they realize.

Anyways, this is xiumin overview! I hope u enjoy it! I added the aspects as well even though I don’t usually do that for overviews but– yeah I hope you like!

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0bfvscate · 6 years ago

Text

Halloway’s Night Out

Fanfiction for @nothwell‘s sequel to Mr. Warren’s Profession, Throw His Heart Over.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Alcohol use, mild sexual content, references to violence and drug use

Summary: John Halloway celebrates selling his most recent, and most controversial painting, The Fall of Icarus, with dinner and wine, but true to form, neither Halloway nor his dear friend Cyril Graves manage to do anything in a quiet or orderly way.

The reception to the painting was mixed. Some called it a masterful use of technique, others an aesthetic triumph. Others called it a debasement of ancient myth, a clear excuse to indulge in homosexual tendencies, and an affront to good taste. Halloway heard people call him both a genius and a monster for displaying the vaunted Icarus as a scarred and beaten man, and felt a bit thrilled to invoke such strong reaction.

Until he saw Warren in the crowd. Warren was a quiet man with quiet habits who preferred his privacy. Warren’s eyes darted around the room as he squeezed through the crowd toward the painting, trying to reach it without making any sign that he was there. Halloway came to the sudden realization he’d brought a very private friend to an event celebrating his naked, painted form. Halloway could see him struggling to be invisible, squirming in his suit when he bumped in to someone, apologized, and saw their eyes flicker over his scars.

Halloway jumped through the crowd. “Warren!”

His voice did not have its intended effect. Instead of being a life raft thrown into open water, it seemed to act like a bullet at a hart.

“Come here,” Halloway called, struggling with the tools at his disposal for some anchor to ground his model. “Let me shake your hand—find you a glass—no? Very well, as you wish—but do allow me to introduce you to my friend—Mr Talbot—the proprietor of this fine establishment.”

—and reached behind himself to extract one Mr. Edward Talbot, art patron, critic and former tailor. He’d inherited a strong business sense, an eye for color, and a tailor’s shop from his father, which he then liquidated and converted into a gallery for the sake of art.

“How do you do.” said Mr Talbot.

Aubrey replied in kind, but with mounting meekness as Talbot’s eyes widened with recognition. Talbots’ customary congratulations to the model froze on his lips and a yawning silence stretched in its place.

“Mr Warren,” said Halloway, clapping his free hand upon Aubrey’s shoulder, “is the celebrated model.”

“Indeed,” said Mr Talbot. “I thank you, sir, for making such a splendid work possible. Your visage is a most inspiring one. Forgive me for abandoning you so soon, but I’m afraid business calls me elsewhere. Good evening, Mr Warren. It was a pleasure meeting you. I hope to see you again soon.”

He gave them each a nod and vanished into the crowd as easily as a ghost, where his absence was filled with Halloway’s annoyance. Talbot failed to offer Warren any comfort, and left him still and fragile and unsteady as a newborn fawn. If only Warren drank, Halloway would have given him some liquid courage.

“Talbot thinks we might have an offer on the painting this very night,” Halloway blurted out.

“That’s good,” Aubrey replied, though his uncertainty turned the remark into a question.

“It’s very good,” Halloway confirmed. “Better than I’d hoped—though no less than I feel it deserves, if I may be honest at the risk of being arrogant. Have you seen it yet?”

When Aubrey admitted he’d not yet glimpsed the painting hanging in the gallery, Halloway bid him follow, and carved a path through the crowd to the wall. Every wall in the gallery bore artworks from floor to ceiling, but Icarus Fallen seemed to have a glow all its own. Or did Halloway imagine it? Did it draw his eye for the piece of himself he recognized within it, or was there something universal in its composition? Did it have that unmistakable spark of beauty that every artist chased, or was it just a nice painting that he was proud of?

Aubrey craned his neck upward towards the painting, and for a moment, he seemed at peace.

“What do you think?” Halloway asked.

“It’s… impressive,” Aubrey said at last.

Halloway smiled, but before he could say more, a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

“Halloway,” the man said. “Tell me more about this recent painting. Tell me where you found the nerve.”

And with that, the crowd drew him back in, where he was in his element.

By ten the gallery was shut up, the champagne was gone, and Richard Talbot was using Halloway’s coat and hat as a lion tamer used a chair.

“You ought to apologize to my friend Warren,” Halloway said. Graves had his fingers in the back of his jacket and was trying to pull him toward the exit. “He’s a very handsome man, you know. Very kind, very gentle. He’s sort of like a deer.”

“For God’s sake, John,” Graves grumbled. “The event is over and we’re starving. If we stay here any longer the party will end.”

“I know, I’m coming. And I’m not upset with you, I’m just a bit protective of the poor chap. He’s like a deer.”

“I understand completely.” Mr. Talbot said, advancing on him with the coat and hat.

“He saved an entire factory. That’s why he’s got those scars. Have I told you that?”

“Yes.” Talbot said.

“You’re drunk.” Graves said.

“You’re drunk.”

“I think you’d both do well to have a hot dinner and a nice cup of coffee.” Mr. Talbot said, taking another step forward with the hat and coat.

“Oh, yes. Splendid.” Graves answered.

“I just want you to know—“

“I know, John,” Mr. Talbot said, finally saddling Halloway with his own coat and hat and giving him a gentle pat. “I know.”

And then they were out in the street, unsteadily climbing into the hansom. They collapsed on top of one another and awoke some twenty minutes later feeling like watersodden logs, but after food, coffee, and yet more liquor, they both felt as fresh as spring rain.

“To Icarus!” Graves cried. “To a man who died a noble death, in the pursuit of absolute, ideal beauty. A man who stretched out his hand to touch the sun and felt its fire burning. Here’s to a man who flew out of prison and fell to the sea.”

“Now I’m not arguing against the technical skill,” said Hainsley, the editor and founder of his own magazine. “It is clearly a beautifully painted piece. What I am arguing against is the choice to mutilate Icarus.”

“He fell out of the sky and smashed on the rocky earth,” Halloway argued. “If I wanted to mutilate him, I would have done much worse then a bruising.”

“Exactly. That’s my point. You can’t argue for realism, since true realism would reduce the painting to an unrecognizable, pornographic mess. If Icarus Fallen were pure veritism it would hardly be a painting at all. Your choices were weighed accordingly, which is every artist’s right, but I respectfully disagree with your decisions.”

“Well, sir, I respectfully disagree with yours. Icarus has been portrayed in art for thousands of years, and I for one am tired of seeing unending galleries full of heroes in unblemished death throes.”

“God, are we going to sit at this table forever?” Asked Forsyth from the other end. “I’ve been stuffed in this jacket all day.”

Next they went to the Catullus club, descending on it like a flock of bats if bats waddled on foot after too much food and wine. The club was a relatively sedate place at that time of night, except for a few private parties bursting with exclamations and loud thuds from behind locked doors. They took the main room and filled it with noise and smoke as the company and the alcohol brought them all a new burst of energy. The staff, noticing the celebratory nature of their party, circled them like moths.

Halloway had a very pretty toff sitting on the arm of his chair while Graves proudly recounted his triumphs. The toff was a bit too pretty for Halloway, incessantly barring eyelashes he’d enhanced with kohl and cheeks darkened with rouge. Hainsley was sitting on the other side of the chair and salivating up at the pretty toff. Halloway, eventually, retrieved his arm from the toff and used it to wrap around Graves.

“Couldn’t we move the pronouncements to a private room?” He asked.

Graves, frozen in the act of giving a speech, took his time to arrive at John’s point. “I’m not averse, if you don’t mind leaving you adoring entourage.”

“I’d prefer it.” He admitted quietly.

Graves raised his eyebrows, but got out of his chair without comment. “Very well. Excuse us, gentlemen.”

The orderly at the welcome desk gave them a key to a room on the second floor. By the time they arrived, towels, lubricant and a clean water basin were laid out for them by the bed.

“Didn’t that pretty young gentlemen interest you at all?” Graves asked, pulling off his shoes.

“God, no,” Halloway answered. “Although if you’ve a fancy—“

“Hmm. Do I? Well, I’d certainly give it a try. But why not? He seemed very partial to you.”

“Shame I’m not much for willowy boys.” Halloway grumbled.

Graves laughed. “So it’s another question for aesthetics! Tell me, John, what disinterests you so in beauty?”

“‘Beauty’ isn’t a predetermined factor,” Halloway declared, giving up on untying his tie and just pulling it apart. “If it were, the Asthetes wouldn’t have anything to talk about.”

“Isn’t it? A truth doesn’t become less true for having facets, nor are gems less expensive for them. If beauty were in the eye of the holder, a painting could not be celebrated. As an artist, you must admit that beauty is generally agreed upon.”

“As an artist, I can tell you now that beauty is a trend that comes and goes,” he struggled to pull off his socks and eventually let himself fall forward, onto the bed. “No one today would paint a Rueben.”

“But there is still something enduring about their beauty.” Graves mused. He was stretched out in his chair, waistcoat unbuttoned and only one sock off. He seemed to have forgotten he was unbuttoning his pants.

Halloway jumped up on the bed and flipped over to work on his pants. “Alright, let’s you and I discuss the female form.”

“My, you are in a rare mood.” Graves mumbled.

“Exactly— Exactly!” Halloway cried, triumphant, standing on the bed in his johns and shirt. “We’d never deny a woman her beauty, but would you take one to bed?”

Graves made a few noncommittal noises.

“What about the most beautiful woman at the opera? What if I were to introduce you to Miss Virginia Stendhal, who sat for my celebrated painting of Persephone?”

“Oh but that brings us back to the point, my dear, which is that people find Ms. Stendhal beautiful but pity her for the sitting!”

“No, my point is that she’s beautiful, but neither of us would fuck her.”

“You put the poor woman in an unhappy marriage,” Graves pouted. “Persephone, the goddess of spring, the personification of the bloom of youth, staring at Hades as if wishing she could put him in his own pit. What a waste!”

“But why?” Halloway cried. “Why can’t I? I haven’t done anything wrong. I love those stories just as much as anyone else, and you can’t argue that no one sees them as I do, because people have told me they do!”

Graves was laughing, shaking his chair with quiet mirth. “You see, John, this is why I admire your work. You’ll do what you like and stamp your foot when people tell you they don’t like it.”

“Oh, you’re just mocking me.” Halloway said. He wobbled, fell to his knees, then landed face down on the bed. The darkness there was warm, soft and inviting, and he was in the process of exploring deeper when Graves pulled him upright. He sat on the edge of wakefulness, judging the benefits of each side of consciousness, when Graves tipped the scale. He kissed him, cupping the back of Halloway’s head in his hands. He was so warm that Halloway let him carry him fully into wakefulness, pressing his tongue against Graves’ lips until they opened and let him explore. When they’d gotten all their clothes off he pressed his chest to Graves’ and felt his heart beating on the other side. The rasp of skin and short, dark hairs tingling over his body made him flush with heat, but when he reached between Graves’ legs he found his cock still soft.

“Give me a minute.” Graves promised, pushing John onto his back. His lips tickled his skin as he kissed down Halloway’s collarbone and into the sensitive skin between his thighs, but though desire pumped through his blood his little soldier was too drunk for a full salute.

They tried a few more times, and sometime before three Halloway was startled awake by a sudden knocking on the door.

“Halloway! Graves!” Someone shouted. Halloway waited for them to announce themselves or explain what they wanted, but there was just silence on the other side. There was shuffling, then quiet, disappointed muttering and an embarrassed retreat.

“Who was that?” Graves mumbled, lifting his head up. He made a face and scraped a hair off his tongue, then slowly lifted a bit farther off the bed and took in their surrounded. “Where are we? And, good god— what are these hideous statues?”

“I think,” Halloway said, careful not to make any concrete proclamations in light of his irrational condition. “That we have abandoned our party.”

“Nonesense. We’ve only been gone a few minutes.”

Halloway searched the room for a clock, and was relieved to find a small one on the mantle. He got up and squinted at it, but although he could see both hands, neither figure shared information with him.

“I think we’ve been gone a bit longer then that.” He said tentatively.

Now it was Graves’ turn to stop and think, churning through the butter that was once his brain for all the pieces of the night to lay out in order.

“No,” he said, but that was just a reflex, come from the certainty that Cyril Graves did not abandon a party. As it dawned on him that that was indeed what he had done, the finger resting on his chin migrated north and pushed nervously into his upper lip. “Oh.”

“I think we abandoned the party, Cyril.”

“Oh,” Graves said, then got to work collecting his clothes. “Well, let’s resolve that.”

They abandoned their futile efforts to put the room back together and stopped by the front desk to drop off their key. But when they reached the sitting room, it was empty. Nothing remained of their party except for crystal cups with rings of liquid, and one cigar still smoking in an ashtray. As they stared at the ribbon of smoke rising up, they heard a giggle behind them. Glancing over their shoulder, they saw the pretty toff from before wrapped in a curtain, trying to hide but shaking with mirth.

He explained when they approached; “When you two disappeared, the others went to look for you, and that became a game of hide and seek. Right now it’s Hainsley seeking, and he’s terrific. He gets so angry when he can’t find anyone.”

To prove it, the toff encouraged them to hide behind a large potted plant. Within minutes Hainsley came in and began to turn the sitting room over, cursing the whole time. The toff was helpless with laughter, covering his mouth with both hands to smother the hiccups and gasps that escaped. Hainsley caught the echo of a cough and lifted his head with alertness, as dogs did during hunts. Slowly he inched forward, and pounced on a couch at the edge of the sitting room. He paused, as if checking his success, then threw the pillows aside and cursed again.

The toff was helpless with laughter.

Halloway straightened up and stride towards the editor. “Hainsley!”

The man jumped. “Halloway! There you are! We’ve been looking for you for ages. Don’t tell me you lost Graves on your way back from Fairyland.”

“Of course not,”Graves said, leaning against the potted plant with an air of ennui. “But what are you doing to that poor couch?”

“The bastards all thought it’d be funny to hide after you went missing.”

“Or perhaps they are the ones whisked off the Fairyland.” Graves mused.

“Anyways, all the servants have gone to bed and I need another drink.”

“Perhaps we could use another drink.” Halloway agreed. His poor, pickled brain was trying to shut up for the night, but like a bicycle with the breaks cut he could only keep moving.

As they were making up their minds of where to go and how they could get another drink so late at night, members of their party popped one by one out of doorways and down the stairs.

“Hainsley, you spoilsport!”

“Are we getting a night-cap?”

“Do you know of a place that will still be open?”

“No,” Graves said. “Regrettably, we’ll have to go home for hospitality.”

It was no longer the blackest night, but the blackest morning. Halloway was speculating on the change in atmosphere that seperated morning from night in the wee hours. Was it the dew in the air that changed the texture of the darkness, or simply the knowledge that dawn was approaching? Or was it instead the weight of his body on his mind, dragging just a step behind his alert consciousness, like a cranky child?

“Here we are. At last,” Cyril said, banging on the front door. “Open up! Come on, we don’t have all night.”

But the door did not open. Soon the whole party took up a chorus of the demand and chanted it like a drinking song.

“Open up! We don’t have all night!”

Lights glowed behind the drawn curtains and the door was abruptly opened. The party poured into the foyer, still chanting.

“Open up! We don’t have all night!”

Someone clipped John’s nose in their clumsy effort to remove their jacket, and another fell on his back as they were trying to untie shoes.

“What in heaven’s name is going on?” Demanded a voice.

Graves was trying to reason with the sober individual. “Now, listen, would you turn away an old friend for celebrating the triumph of an artistic master? This is a triumph. Triumphant. We are triumphant!”

“For god’s sake, sit down before you fall down.” Answered the sober tyrant, and orders for bedclothes and water were answered with the drumming of feet which seemed to circle Halloway before entering his skull and stamping around the dome.

“This is not a triumph,” said a second sober voice. “This is tragedy. You look like a platoon of wounded soldiers limping home.”

“Oh, come, have a nightcap with us.” Hainsley slurred.

“You’ve finished off the night, there’s nothing to cap.”

“A toast to our host!” Shouted a different voice, and when John turned to identify it, discovered the toff from the club had come out with them.

“You need to go to bed. You’ll all feel like death in the morning.” “Oh, thank god. A piano! At last, we’ll have music!” Forsyth had made it into another room, plopped down on to the piano bench, and begun playing a waltz as slurred as his speech, alone, in the dark.

“No-- no! Absolutely not!”

“Gentlemen!” Cried a voice. John turned towards it and beheld a women on the stairs. At first, he mistook her slender, loosely-draped silhouette for Grecian garb, and the woman at her elbow as some Olympian attendant. But then the weights and pulleys in his brain settled into balance and he recognized it as a nightgown. “Welcome! And congratulations!”

The whole party gave out a cheer.

“You all look like you’ve had a fabulous night!”

Another rousing cheer.

“I propose a toast!”

Their party lost their minds. There was applause and stamping of feet.

“One last toast to the hero of tonight, Mr. John Halloway!”

She was like a priest, and they her feverish followers. John felt tears prick his eyes. A servant appeared and put a glass in his hand, with something cool and sweet. It tasted like a fruit juice, and for the life of him he could not settle on the flavor of the alcohol. It was very delicate, and mixed perfectly with the cocktail’s foundation.

“We drink to Artemis, and she brings us ambrosia!” He cried.

“Fine lady, I’d say you should sit for Halloway, but not a soul here can predict how the results will look!” Hainsley brayed, and everyone fell over themselves laughing.

She bowed graciously. “Gentlemen, my house is yours. I place my servants at your disposal. If any of you should need anything, you need only let them know. I beg you to forgive me of my absence.”

The party made a loud, collective noise, but the tone of their response was impossible to decipher. Not even Halloway could tell if he was disappointed that she was leaving them or begging her to do as she saw fit. She, her attendant, and the two masters of the house left them in the sitting room, among the pillows and blankets that were brought down when they first arrived. The toff was fast asleep, curled around a folded blanket like a child. Hainsley, after sitting down and having some of whatever substance was in his glass, was frozen in place, his mouth hanging open.

“What fine people,” Graves said. He was still upright, still smiling his knowing smile, but there was something off-balance about his posture. “What a wonderful night. Where’s Forsyth?” They discovered Forsyth asleep on the piano.

“They act like they’ve never had a drink before.” Graves muttered.

“Let’s leave them and have another drink,” Halloway said. “That cocktail she gave us was wonderful. What did you think of it?” “Something with apple.” Graves said pensively.

“She said we could ask for another. Didn’t she leave some of her people with us?”

They checked the rooms and the hallway around the sitting room, but everywhere was dark and empty.

“I can’t see a thing. Where’s a candle?”

“I can’t find any,” Graves said, slapping countertops along the wall for something to light. There was a clang and a bump and a series of heavy metal objects fell to the floor as Graves cursed. “How the devil did they get the lights on and off so fast? I can’t even smell the candle smoke.”

“Perhaps it’s electric?”

“Where are the lamps?”

Halloway tripped on a lurking ottoman and sprawled across the rug. Graves made a show of disgust as he pulled him up.

“John, please.”

“As if I chose to fall!”

Abruptly they found themselves back in the piano room with Forsyth, still peacefully asleep on the bench.

“Witchcraft!” Halloway cried. “She plans to turn us into pigs!”

Graves scoffed. “We must have gone the full circuit of the house. The staff must be asleep.”

“What do they expect us to do?” Halloway cried.

“Sleep, I’d expect,” Graves said. He put his hand between the curtains and lifted up a corner. “The sun is coming up.”

“No.”

Graves stepped back from the window to offer his view. True to his word, there were the pink clouds rising in the east, the red light of dawn coloring the pale sky. They pushed back the curtains and stood in the early dawn light as the sun rose. The air under the curtain had the same chill as the outdoors, whereas behind it, in the sitting room, was still warm and dark and full of the even sounds of sleep.

“We should get to bed.” Halloway said. They joined the rest of their party on the floor of the sitting room, sober enough to spread out the cushions and blankets to make their bed. Without their shoes, coats or shirts they had a very comfortable bed, and Halloway drifted quickly off to sleep.

Halloway woke up with a headache as fierce as if he’d been beaten. His tongue was so dry it felt swollen in his mouth. He could barely open his eyes. As consciousness overtook him, and pain overtook his body, all he could manage was a helpless groan.

“I thought you’d say as much,” said a familiar voice. “Sit up, we brought you breakfast.”

Sitting up was a tall order to fulfill. Halloway only managed to roll over, and when he did was blinded with a flash of sunlight bright enough to pierce straight through his eyelids.

“Come on.” Coaxed the voice.

Now on his back, he had both arms at his disposal to lift him up, and he managed to struggle himself into a sitting position. Warren and Althorp were standing before him, to Halloway’s relief looking more indulgent than furious. The others from their party were sitting up around him, their collars and hair askew and each looking as glassy and tired as Halloway felt. The ground seemed to be tilting beneath him.

Three trays were placed on the ground of the sitting room, in easy grabbing distance to the drunkards. On each tray was a pile of toast, peppermint tea, butter and a little cold chicken, shredded into easy bites.

“How did we get here?” Halloway asked.

“You would have to tell us.” Althorp said.

“Why did we…” Halloway began, but trailed off as his train of thought left him, evaporating like water in the sun.

“Who was the woman?” Hainsley asked. “Who are you? Where are we?”

“This is my good friend Sir Lindsey Althorp.” Graves said, leaning forward to take a dry piece of toast. “The two women were his wife and sister, Lady Emmeline Althorp and Lady Rowena Althorp.”

“Where are we?” The toff asked.

“Halloway, what happened last night? What brought you here?”

“I can’t for the life of me remember,” Halloway admitted. “We were going to have one last drink and go to bed.”

“We’re glad to help, but don’t do that again.” Warren said.

Halloway grimaced and gave them a toast with his peppermint tea.

“Wonder where my hansom is.” Graves muttered.

“London, I’d expect.” Althorp said.

“Naturally.” Graves responded bitterly.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Very carefully, Halloway put his fears into words.

“Where is London?”

“England?” Althorp answered tentatively.

“Not here,” Warren said. “You’re in Manchester.”

“What!?” Halloway cried. “How in the world did we coordinate a train ride!?”

“That’s what we wondered, as well.” Warren remarked.

“You said they had space for all of us.” Hainsley said.

“This is the beauty of the intoxicated mind,” Graves said serenely. “We are capable of so much, without our inhibitions to hold us back. Gautier wrote extensively on the visions he saw while under the influence of hashish--” “I hope you weren’t smoking that, last night.” Althorp said with all the sternness of a disapproving parent.

“I hope you don’t need to get that drunk again to find your way back.” Warren said.

“I suppose I could impose on your hospitality a bit longer for a hansom back to my lodgings.” Halloway said. He still couldn’t remember getting on a train with Graves or the others, but it was becoming easier to see why he would argue the party move to Manchester while he was at his drunkest. Despite all the travelling he did, Manchester was still home. Manchester had all the comforting amenities a drunken Halloway would crave, and a drunken Halloway could wax poetic on their benefits until an equally drunken group of men were happy to follow him across the country.

In fact, of all of them, the toff was the only one with any difficulty getting home.

“My mother will be worried.” He said.

“Tell her you were out with friends.” “I think she’ll expect that. She’ll say not to worry about her, but she does for me, and I do for her.”

As Halloway was putting himself together, smoothing down his hair with a little of Althorp’s pomade, Warren approached him.

“I’ve never seen you like that before last night,” he said quietly. “Do you drink yourself into that condition often?”

“No, not often. Last night was a celebration.”

“I didn’t like to see you that way, Halloway,” Warren admitted. “You weren’t the man I respected.”

Halloway gave him a hard look, drying up any temperance speech that might be forthcoming. “Warren, until my drunken behavior overtakes my life, I’ll thank you not to proselytize.”

“I’m not proselytizing. I’m pointing out to you that you bought a train ticket in a state of total unconsciousness. That you’re safe and sound in our house this morning is pure luck. I’m telling you, as your friend, that drinking yourself unconscious isn’t a habit to make!”

Halloway sighed. It was unfair to treat Warren like a nagging puritan in the wake of troubling behavior. Even Halloway had to admit that last night could have taken a turn for the worst at any point, and he was in Warren and Althorp’s debt for providing them with a safe place to sleep for the night. If they’d forced them to sleep in the horse stables, no one would have blamed them-- not even Halloway.

“You’re right, of course. I was a bit out of control, and I can’t dismiss my behavior just by saying that I don’t do it often. I ought to be more careful in future,” Halloway said. A smile slowly overtook his face. “But it was quite a night.”

Warren gave him a smile in return.

He walked Halloway to the front door, where Graves was waiting to drive with him into town.

“Halloway, I have a final question about art,” Warren said. “Do you ever miss your paintings after they’ve gone?”

“No.” Halloway said.

Warren seemed taken aback by his certainty. “Never?”

“I have better paintings to make.”

Warren was quiet for a moment, and then slowly a genuinely cheerful smile spread across his face.

“Naturally.”

Halloway gave him a warm handshake. “We’ll meet in town, shall we? I’ll send a card around.”

“I’d like that.”

#fanfiction #sebastian nothwell #mr warrens profession #lindsey althorp #aubrey warren #john halloway #cyril graves #historical fiction #fiction #gay fiction

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jrmcwilliam · 6 years ago

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What you thought you’d be

I think we can all agree that at some point, maybe even today, we’ve questioned our decisions and actions that have brought us to where we are now. If not, I congratulate you. But, this is for those of us that have fought to be something great and instead, turned into the people we actually became. I’ve looked in the mirror so many times and wondered, “Who are you?”

I have been struggling with the idea that I have made so many mistakes that some of them seem irreparable. Like, no matter what I do now, moving forward, will never make up for the losses that I’ve faced.

I’m going to put this plainly. I was supposed to be this inspiring business owner who had a couple best-sellers and a Pulitzer under my belt by now. When I look in the mirror in the morning I see the person that didn’t make that happen. I see the person that gave up so many times because I:

a) didn’t feel good about myself

b) felt I wasn’t smart enough to accomplish those goals

c) didn’t believe I deserved something that grand.

Now I wonder if it’s too late.

I know it’s not too late. In my heart, I know that what I would say to someone else that wasn’t me is - “It is never too late to achieve your goals and make your dreams a reality.” But reality is a fickle bitch and I start to think realistically about myself, “What makes me so special that I think I would ever deserve something like that?”

I look in the mirror and I am reminded of the fact that I don’t have a fancy University degree, my MFA, or a diploma in journalism. I only have a couple of creative writing certifications and also a certification I achieved by learning how to become a freelance writer. Essentially, I know exactly how to get an agent, editor, or publishing house to look at my work - and as I understand it, those are pretty great skills to have.

But it never feels like its enough. It never feels like I am ever going to be as good as my literary heroes - though, a few of them didn’t even finish high school.

Why do I do this to myself?

I don’t know. It’s this crazy self-destructive thing that us high-anxiety, failure-driven individuals do without even thinking.

Some days are great. I am completely motivated to get anything done to get me at least one step closer to living one of my dreams. Getting the job at Chapters was a huge step. Putting my books on the shelves was another huge step. Deciding to give up my company was a huge step towards being able to focus on writing, writing, writing!

But then there are other days where I feel I have made nothing but mistakes. These thoughts put me in a spiralling affect that tends to ruin my whole day. I become irritable, itchy, grouchy, angry, and the non-enjoyable part of my undiagnosed bi-polar takes over.

The days are always staggered and it is always a guessing game as to how I will be feeling shortly after waking up.

Then there are days like today.

I wake up late - which sets the whole morning into a bit of a frenzy. I get to work feeling like a shlub. I have a decent day at work though. I get paid to talk to people about books. I can’t complain about that. After work ends and I am back to being irritable and angry again.

But then, after picking Chase up from work, we noticed that the comic book store down the street from where we live was open. So we went in.

The owner talked about his store and how great it was that it was his own and he got to have his dream job on his own terms. And he wasn’t even that much older than me!

It immediately lightened my mood and all of a sudden I became inspired to also follow my dreams.

I don’t know how to control how I feel every single day. I don’t know where the switch is that turns emotions on and off. Ideally, emotions should come with a dimmer switch. #technologygoals.

I know I’m not who I thought I was going to be. I can see it in the eyes of my loved ones when they look at me too - I know I am not the great artist I thought I would be. It hurts to know that I have dissapointed people. Especially the people that tried so hard to help me get somewhere.

But instead of focusing on only what I dont have I am going to try to put my energy into something, every day, that will get me even the slightest bit closer to achieving at least one of my goals.

I don’t know if I’ll ever make it in life. I don’t know if I have it in me to be able to accomplish my goals the way that others seem to be able to so effortlessly in their own lives and in their own ways - but what I do know is that if I don’t at least try, I will never know for sure.

One of the worst things I can think of is getting to the end of my life and actually saying to myself, “I guess I should’ve tried harder.”

That thought terrifies me.

Until that day comes, here is another blog about my anxieties. I hope you can find something in here that can relate to a situation in your own life. Hopefully this can at least show you that you aren’t alone.

Knowing that I’m not alone in this makes it so much easier to face other people, the world, and my own self - and be honest with them about who I am. I hope that can happen for you too.

No matter how dark things get - you are never actually alone. Use that beautiful voice, someone will hear you.

Thank you for listening.

*-The images used in this photo are not my own. I found them on a photo shopping binge on google. They are beautiful and relevant to my story. Enjoy them!

#emotional emotion self-worth regret motivation success failure bi-polar release

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pygmeys · 7 years ago

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recovery 101

okay so obviously this isnt going to help everyone but i thought it might be a good idea to share some small things that have helped me a lot with my recovery this past year and hopefully it can do some good for you too

how to deal with a crisis

make an emergency contact list: write down a couple of numbers (friends, partners, family, a therapist or an emergency line) that you can safely call if youre in the middle of a crisis, dont be afraid to ask for help

download mental health apps: apps like calm harm, booster buddy, and calma (if you speak spanish) are a great way to help without needing to interact with another person, be sure to have them always readily aveilable

make a list of things that make you feel good: it might be hard to think of good things when youre so upset so having a list nearby can help a lot, check it and see if you can do any of the things youve written down

sensorial shock: sometimes you need to do something sudden to your body for it to be able to “reboot” and start calming down; take a stupidly cold shower for a couple of seconds, gra an ice cube and squeeze it with all your strength, go out and run as much as your legs can hold, you get the idea.

find things to look forward to

make plans: even if youre sad and tired, force yourself to do something you know youd enjoy, call a friend and meet up with them, ask your mom if she wants to watch a movie with you, put off a day to take your dog to a nice park.

make a list of goals: divide it in short term goals (1/3 months), medium term goals (6 months/1 year) and long term goals (3/5 years) and start filling it up. if all your goals feel too distant see if theres anything you can do that now can help you reach it eventually (eg: i wanna graduate in three years, that means i have to study for my exams now) be sure to keep the list around.

say yes to things: take opportunities and things as they come, try not to decline something just because you arent 100% sure that youll enjoy it. if youre too unsure about it try to find a midway point where you do The Thing anyways but have a way of bailing or making it easier on yourself if it ends up not working out.

change your mindset

surround youself with positivity: im serious about this, follow blogs about positivity and recovery, drop the people that make you feel upset or uncomfortable, look for people with your body type rocking any kind outfit, smile and be kind to friends and strangers alike, pet animals.

dont diminsh yourself: dont call yourself trash, dont say that you suck or that you are the worst. i know its hard because it kinda becomes automatic but try to stop yourself whenever you realize youre about to say something mean about yourself, its probably not true.

try to be empathetic: before you judge someone try to think if you really understand their situation and where theyre coming from. some people can be upsetting and toxic and hurtful but most of the time we are all trying to do the best we can with life with what we have, and it can get messy. you dont have to stick around for them or even forgive them if you dont want to but saying “they have some things they need to work on and i hope they can come through with them” is gonna feel much better than plain getting angry.

feeling broken is okay but dont revel in it: learn not to judge yourself for your emotions, if you feel a certain way then its real and valid enough, dont call your feelings stupid or unresonable because theyre not. on the other hand though learn your thoughts and emotions are not you, they proceed from you but you own them, not the other way around. saying “ive been suicidal for the past 6 years, thats who i am and who i will always be” is a toxic mentality that will get you nowhere so try to step away from it.

be nice to youself

forgive yourself: mistakes are hurtful and upsetting, but we all make them and we can learn from them. look at something you regret and think how you felt in that moment, how you didnt understand something or couldnt see the whole picture, how you know better now and will try to make up for it or not make the same mistake again and forgive yourself.

meditate: look up guides for meditation or breathing exercises, take whatever time you need with them and try to do them often, they are a skill that wont come off perfect the first time and need to be practiced. try to undertstand how they work so you can do them even without the guides, at any place or time.

take care of your body: shower, wash your face, brush your teeth, eat. look for lotions that will make your skin feel nicer, find food thats good for you, find a sport that you like and if you dont find anything, make sure you excersice anyways, fill up several small bottles with water and take at leat one of them with you to whatever youre doing.

remember to take a break: dont push yourself to the point of breaking, learn to recognize when youre getting to stressed over something and think: is it really worth it? can you make it easier on yourself somehow? have you made time in your schedule to rest from the thing thats stressing you? remember that most time things dont have to be perfect, done is just as good.

treat yo self: enjoy the dumb things in life, eat the food you like, decorate your room with posters and colors and plants, go to the movies by yourself, buy perfume that smells nice, wear the things that make you feel like you own the world, dont care who is looking, tell yourself that youre beautiful, and kind and good and mean it.

#okay this was longer than expecter but there you go #recovery #positivity #self help #mental ilness #bpd #bipolar #depression #anxiety

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How Popular Is Trump Among Republicans

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/how-popular-is-trump-among-republicans/

How Popular Is Trump Among Republicans

Republicans Take Steps To Hide Discouraging Polls About Trump

Donald Trump Jr takes the lead in a GOP popularity poll

Throughout his presidency, Donald Trump made up polling data that purportedly showed his widespread popularity. Independent surveys pointed in very different directions, but the Republican dismissed those polls by insisting they were part of an elaborate conspiracy against him.

During his semi-retirement, very little has changed. Trump recently appeared on Dan Bongino’s show, and when asked about the possibility of a third presidential campaign in 2024, the Republican said, “I am giving it the most serious consideration as you can imagine and based on every poll that I’m seeing and everything else. It’s something that is, you know, very positive, nobody’s seen anything more positive.”

At face value, it stood to reason that some polls might actually show Trump’s standing improving now that he’s no longer in office. In fact, that would be consistent with recent history: former presidents routinely see their support climb after they leave they White House.

But with Trump, it’s a bit more complicated.

First, his boasts notwithstanding, the former president appears to have lost support in recent months. In NBC News polling, Trump’s national favorability rating stood at 43% shortly before Election Day. By January, as he prepared to exit the White House, that total had dipped to 40%, and as of two weeks ago, the Republican’s favorability rating had slipped further to just 32%.

As a rule, willful ignorance is an unwise strategy for a political party.

Trump’s Approval Rating Holding Steady At 43 Percent With 55 Percent Disapproving

The same poll found that 35 percent of voters including 74 percent of Republicans but just 30 percent of independents and 3 percent of Democrats believe President-elect Joe Biden did not win the election legitimately.

Sixty-one percent of all voters but just 21 percent of Republicans say Biden did win legitimately.

While a record 10 House Republicans broke ranks to vote for Trump’s impeachment last week, his approval rating among Republicans shows few signs that GOP voters are widely disillusioned with him.

Almost 9 in 10 Republicans 87 percent give Trump a thumbs-up, compared with 89 percent who said the same before the November election.

And even for the half of Republicans who say they prioritize the GOP in general over allegiance to Trump, his high approval remains unmoved by recent events.

Among Republicans who say their primary loyalty is to Trump over the party, 98 percent approve of his performance. For those who say they prioritize the party over the president, his approval still stands at 81 percent virtually unchanged from October.

In the NBC News survey, nearly a third of GOP voters surveyed 28 percent said Trump’s words and actions related to the violence at the Capitol reinforced their vote for Trump.

Just 5 percent said they now regretted their support for him, and two-thirds 66 percent said their feelings had not changed.

An additional 9 percent say Trump is “not as good as most.”

Trumps Popularity Among Republicans Is On The Rise

Just when you thought it was safe to read about politics without constant references to Donald Trump or to polls, Politico and Morning Consult have some news for you, per this headline: Trump Emerges From Impeachment Trial With Sturdy Backing From GOP Voters.

I am very aware that we dont know what the 45th president will do going forward or how well his legacy will wear on his party or the country. Its also crazy early and for many horse-race-weary people, painfully early to talk about what might happen in the 2024 presidential cycle. All in all, most people reading my words likely want nothing more than to hear nothing about Trump for the foreseeable future, or perhaps until the end of time.

Having said all that, its important to acknowledge that Trump is historically unique, and not just because he was impeached twice or because he left office having incited a physical attack on the Capitol to overturn an election defeat that only a liar of his quality could have doubted. Like it or not, he left office as the first defeated president since Herbert Hoover to have reason to believe he could make a comeback, with the goal of becoming the first defeated president since Grover Cleveland to pull it off. So his standing among the fellow partisans who may before very long determine whether a Trump comeback is even plausible should be of interest to anyone wanting to look ahead with clear eyes.

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A Popular Theory For Trumps Popularity Among Republicans Appears To Be Wrong

It is not the case, despite President Trumps regular assertions, that his approval rating among Republicans is a consistent 95 percent. Although that figure appears regularly in the presidents Twitter feed, there appears to be no basis for it in public polling.

It is, however, the case that Trump is broadly popular among Republicans. In YouGovs most recent poll with the Economist, 88 percent of his party approves of the job hes doing somewhat offsetting the disapproval he garners among 89 percent of Democrats.

To Democrats, the level of support for Trump within his party seems occasionally baffling. How could someone they hate so much be viewed so positively by the other party? Over the course of Trumps presidency, a theory emerged: Hes so popular among Republicans because Trump-skeptical Republicans have simply given up on the party. Wring all the skeptics out of the party, and youre left with a more unanimous, if smaller, core.

Theres a public example of how this would work, after all: Had Rep. Justin Amash not left the party in July, the vote to impeach Trump in the House would not have been unanimously opposed by Republicans. Instead of Republicans voting 195-to-1 against impeachment, it was 195-to-0. This, perhaps, is how Trumps approval also works.

Unfortunately for that theory, though, the numbers dont really back it up.

The numbers havent changed much.

People From All Around The World Were Horrified By The Violent Scenes

Youve caused this, get on TV immediately and stop it – before people start being killed. https://t.co/59dqsiXEaK Piers Morgan 1609962613.0

And thousands began calling on Trump to intervene and to tell his followers to back down… which, of course, he refused to do along with refusing to take responsibility for the actions of the rioters.

Recommended Reading: Who Said We Are All Republicans We Are All Federalists

Most Popular Republican Politicians Today

A look at popular Republicans in America shows that they come in all sizes and shapes.

Stacker compiled a list of the 50 most popular Republicans, based on data collected by YouGov from interviews between May 2019 and May 2020, with at least 7,000 people interviewed for each figure. The list is ranked by Republicans that have the highest positive opinion among voters, with ties being broken by how famous the politician is today.

Some Republicans find avid support from religious communities for their evangelical Christian views, opposing social issues like same-sex marriage and abortion rights. Some win backing for their policy stands, taking hawkish positions on immigration or foreign policy. They might build a following with their fervent belief in the rights of gun owners, or have been judged worthy by their response to crises such as the Sept. 11 attacks.

Still others build staying power among the public as longtime Washington forces of power, exceptionally skilled at making deals or ambitious fundraising. Some build support with bipartisanship and effective networking across party lines, while others cement their fortunes by toeing a strict party line. Many are war veterans, striking a chord with voters with their military service, including those that return home with lifelong scars.

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Trump Approval Remains Stable In New Nbc Poll With Republicans Unmoved After Capitol Violence

WASHINGTON Donald Trump is the only president in history to be impeached twice this time for his role in encouraging a deadly assault on the Capitol by his supporters but he is poised to leave office with a job approval rating that is fairly typical of his entire time in office.

A new NBC News poll found that 43 percent of voters nationwide gave Trump a positive job approval rating, just barely down from 45 percent who said the same before the November election and the 44 percent who approved of his performance shortly after he took office in 2017.

Read Also: Are Republicans Or Democrats Better For Small Business

New 2020 Voter Data: How Biden Won How Trump Kept The Race Close And What It Tells Us About The Future

As we saw in 2016 and again in 2020, traditional survey research is finding it harder than it once was to assess presidential elections accurately. Pre-election polls systemically misjudge who is likely to vote, and exit polls conducted as voters leave the voting booths get it wrong as well.

Now, using a massive sample of validated voters whose participation has been independently verified, the Pew Research Center has . It helps us understand how Joe Biden was able to accomplish what Hillary Clinton did notand why President Trump came closer to getting reelected than the pre-election surveys had predicted.

How Joe Biden won

Five main factors account for Bidens success.

The Biden campaign reunited the Democratic Party. Compared to 2016, he raised the share of moderate and conservative Democrats who voted for the Democratic nominee by 6 points, from 85 to 91%, while increasing the Democratic share of liberal Democrats from 94 to 98%. And he received the support of 85% of Democrats who had defected to 3rd party and independent candidates in 2016.

How Trump kept it close

Despite non-stop controversy about his policies and personal conduct, President Trump managed to raise his share of the popular vote from 46% in 2016 to 47% in 2020. His core coalition held together, and he made a few new friends.

Longer-term prospects

% Of Republicans View Trump As True Us President

Panel: Poll Finds Trump, Trump Jr As Top Choices For 2024 Republican Nominee

A combination picture shows U.S. President Donald Trump and Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden speaking during the first 2020 presidential campaign debate, held on the campus of the Cleveland Clinic at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, U.S., September 29, 2020. Picture taken September 29, 2020. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

WASHINGTON, May 24 – A majority of Republicans still believe Donald Trump won the 2020 U.S. presidential election and blame his loss to Joe Biden on illegal voting, according to a new Reuters/Ipsos opinion poll.

The May 17-19 national poll found that 53% of Republicans believe Trump, their party’s nominee, is the true president now, compared to 3% of Democrats and 25% of all Americans.

About one-quarter of adults believe the Nov. 3 election was tainted by illegal voting, including 56% of Republicans, according to the poll. The figures were roughly the same in a poll that ran from Nov. 13-17 which found that 28% of all Americans and 59% of Republicans felt that way.

A Democrat, Biden won by more than seven million votes. Dozens of courts rejected Trumps challenges to the results, but Trump and his supporters have persisted in pushing baseless conspiracy theories on conservative news outlets.

The Reuters/Ipsos poll showed that 61% of Republicans believe the election was “stolen” from Trump. Only about 29% of Republicans believe he should share some of the blame for his supporters’ Jan. 6 deadly riot at the U.S. Capitol.

Also Check: Why Is The Media Against Republicans

Nearly Six Months Later Partisan Gaps On Culpability Motivation And Severity Of Capitol Attack Have Widened

GOP voters are now more likely to blame President Joe Biden and Democrats in Congress for the events that led to the Capitol attack than they are Donald Trump and GOP lawmakers.

The overall electorate has become more likely to say the Capitol rioters represent the Republican Party.

68% of GOP voters say there has been too much focus on the January 6th events, while 50% of all voters disagree.

This article is part of a deep dive on the Jan. 6 riot in Washington and creeping authoritarianism in America. See all of our work here.

In the aftermath of the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol by a mob of then-President Donald Trumps supporters, a handful of Republican leaders were joined by a number of their voters in bestowing at least some culpability on Trump and the GOP in Washington.

Nearly six months later, Morning Consult polling has found that while the bulk of the overall electorate still shares that perspective, Republican voters appear to be following their leaders as they become increasingly likely to disassociate themselves, their party and Trump from the insurrection.

Republican voters are now more likely to blame President Joe Biden and congressional Democrats for the events that led to the Capitol attack than they are Trump and GOP lawmakers, many of whom supported his false claims of widespread election irregularities. That stance puts them at odds with the broader electorate, whose views on the matter have gone virtually unchanged.

Half Of Republican Respondents Said Former President Should Play Major Role In Partys Future

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Former president Donald Trumps popularity rating among Republicans has begun to bounce back since he left office, with half of respondents saying they think he should play a major role in the GOPs future.

According to tracking by Morning Consult, 81 per cent of Republican voters polled between 23 to 25 January hold positive views of Mr Trump, including 54 per cent who do so strongly.

The number marks an improvement on the 76 per cent low of Republican voters who favoured him in tracking between 10 and 12 of January ahead of his impeachment when those who strongly favoured Mr Trump sat at 49 per cent.

Fifty percent of Republican voters in a poll by the company between the 22 and 25 of January also think Mr Trump should maintain a significant role in the partys future, an increase of nine percentage points since the insurrection.

The former presidents popularity dropped following the 6 January when pro-Trump supporters attacked the Capitol as lawmakers gathered to certify Joe Bidens win, vandalising and looting the building.

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Opinion: Why Donald Trump May Lose Influence In The Republican Party

Common wisdom holds that former president Donald Trump remains the dominant force within the Republican Party. The truth is that his personal influence and standing are not as powerful as many imagine, and his power is as likely to decline as it is to increase.

Theres no denying that many Republicans still revere Trump. He remains highly popular with GOP voters, and candidates for office still vie for his endorsement. Two recent Politico/Morning Consult polls show how strong he remains. A mid-May poll found that half of Republicans surveyed would vote for Trump in a hypothetical 2024 presidential primary matchup, and another poll released this week shows that 59 percent want Trump to play a major role in the party going forward. Trump is clearly the single most influential figure in the party today.

Other signs point to the gradual erosion of Trumps influence. Candidates may seek his support, but those who fail to get it dont drop out of the race. Trumps endorsement of Alabama Rep. Mo Brooks for his states open Senate seat did not dissuade Katie Britt, a former chief of staff to retiring Sen. Richard C. Shelby, from entering the race on Tuesday. Her three-minute announcement video barely mentions Trump and strikes traditional conservative themes of faith, family and hard work.

Why Donald Trump’s Approval Rating Is So High Among Republicans

As the U.S. experienced mass unrest over police brutality and racial inequality, a huge spike in unemployment, and on the current count more than 116,000 coronavirus deaths, President Donald Trump’s approval rating took an unsurprising turn for the worse.

But there is one group of voters who have remained squarely in Trump’s corner in spite of the triple crises facing the nation: Republicans.

Over the past few months, the president has frequently gloated about his high party-approval figures. Tweeting about his approval rating among Republicans on Tuesday night, Trump wrote: “96% Approval Rating in the Republican Party. Thank you!”

As The Washington Post reported at the end of May, the president’s evidence-free claim to have a 96 percent approval rating among GOP voters is not grounded in actual polling data.

Donald Trump’s Economic Approval Rating Has Fallen Below 50 Percent: Poll

Nevertheless, his rating among the Republican base has been consistently high over the last three months.

A new Morning Consult/Politico poll of 653 Republicans found 83 percent approved of Trump’s record, a fall of only 5 percentage points from the pollster’s March survey. The latest poll, conducted between June 12 to 14, has a 2 percentage point margin of error.

So how has the president’s approval rating among Republicans stayed so high, even amid unrest over race relations, unemployment, and public health?

Also Check: Why Did Democrats And Republicans Switch

Poll: Without Trump In The Race Desantis Dominates 2024 Gop White House Hopefuls

Nationally, the Florida governors popularity among Republican voters has skyrocketed.

For months, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis stature has been expanding within the Republican Party. | Brynn Anderson/AP Photo

07/14/2021 05:05 PM EDT

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Donald Trump remains the king of the GOP. Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is looking like the crown prince.

For months, DeSantis stature has been expanding within the party, marked by growing buzz among grassroots activists and GOP consultants who admire the pugilistic style of politics he wields against progressives and the media. Hes consistently won GOP straw polls of presidential hopefuls provided Trump doesnt run in 2024 and he even edged out the former president in favorability in one of the informal surveys.

Now a new nationwide poll of Republican voters points to him as the front-runner in the event Trump does not run in 2024.

Trump remains the clear leader of the party. If he decided to run again for president in a crowded 2024 primary field, he would get roughly half of the vote, with DeSantis in a distant second place at 19 percent, according to a new survey of GOP voters from veteran Republican pollster Tony Fabrizio. Everyone else including former Vice President Mike Pence would be in single digits.

Fabrizio has polled for both Trump and DeSantis in the past.

Biden and DeSantis attended a briefing together in Miami Beach, Fla. after the condo collapse. | Susan Walsh/AP Photo

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