#i dont remember it all that well anymore
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So i headcanon that demons (maybe angels too) have more than 1 heart…
Imagine that one day your demon darling invite you to dinner and ofc you agree! So you’re talking with them waiting for ur meal then it arrives. On the plate it’s a cooked DEMON heart and it’s not just any demon heart it’s your demon’s heart. Them smiling and said “do you like it?”
Apparently, demon do that to express love to their mates and it’s also one of the most imtimate ways (in demon’s sense) to show love.
I need more contents of the boys actually being demon 😔
i fuck with this, not gonna lie
the monsterfucker in me is always intrigued by the differences in how a nonhuman would express their love lmao of course most people would be surprised if their demon lover presented them with their second heart but after initial shock and them explaining if you think about it….you cant help but be (strangely?) touched like wow this person really likes me huh (///∇///) so we r pretty much soulmates! presenting one of ur hearts is a pretty big deal just from a logical standpoint, cause u forever nerfed urself for someone
now actually eating the heart is a whole nother question lmaoo
yea you know demons sometimes like to eat each other (and humans sometimes) but humans dont really do that as a casual activity and it usually gets you ostracized lol
u cant help but feel a little bad not eating it though…they cooked their whole second heart, they had it removed from their body which probably wasnt a painless thing to do but for your demon its mainly a way for them to show their devotion more than anything ,,,tho i know some of those brothers were actually expecting you to eat it lol it would be very funny if you both were sitting there after you were like aww thats so sweet and then he was like….well r u gonna eat it? :]
asmo and mammon come to mind first honestly LMAO
asmo is “kind of” intense when it comes to love and the mammon is a tsundere--"well...are you gonna eat it or what?"(//︶^︶)typa deal--so thats why i say that
and then maybe beel and belphie
beel cause i feel like it might go over his head at first (especially since this involves food) but then he'll remember like oh right humans dont eat that my bad
belphie i just think is hopeful you know...if that makes sense, so hes not surprised if you dont wanna eat it but maybe a bit huffy about it
i think satan and lucifer are too smart and like “normal” to actually expect a human to do that
while levi is... levi
hed probably get self conscious and be like well yea of course they wouldnt wanna eat my heart...
and then u gotta really reassure him its not him its you :d
#obey me nightbringer#obey me#obey me x reader#not taggin all those brothers im sorry lol#i like playing guess how that character will react#especially with characters i dont know very well lol#okay that was fun#thanks for the ask!!#its nice getting surprise messages :]#idk even how to tag this!!#like gruesome or something??#tw body horror#tw gore#maybe??#ACTUALLY#i wanted to say#remember when the threat of demons eating mc were constantly brought up in the beginning of the game lmao#that feels like a whole other world now#i wonder if the boys still get urges to eat mc sometimes tho#cause i was reading a novel with a demon ml and he fell for the mc#and he has demonic urges sometimes that he has to control#and actually a different demon in the past was infatuated with him and wanted to eat him because of it#so that was normal down in hell#like that would be considered love#fortunately for mc the ml isnt full demon anymore so i think it helps muddle those eating urges a lot#but hes yandere tho cause his version of love is still very intense and strange by human standards#i need to finish this story btw
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got a new laptop, feeling like a kid on christmas eve & I’m learning to use notion bc idk it fits the agenda of today (which is to transfer my life onto this one now)
#(new laptop bc everything broke on me lol and like it was time)#also I’m finally living the dream & started it from fresh so won’r be carrying around all those highschool essays#bunch of downloading etc now tho bc there’s nothing (been at this for 5h already lmao but it’s fun honestly)#i’m so glad tho that most of the things I do are somewhere on the internet/cloud bc didn’t lose too much work now that the old laptop won’t#open anymore (just like one commit that I hadn’t yet pushed to github and a thesis ’’brain dumb’’ thing but I dont think I had anything too#important there (I hope bc like if I did oh well it’s gone & I dont remember))#february 2024#2024
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the fact that i immediately landed an awesome job right out from graduation but then got covid in august and now my brain doesn't work right and i might lose my job because of it . there's a funny joke in here somewhere maybe
#txt#haha. like. how lucky was i to get this job. and unlucky to get sick and have my brain fucked over#also a loss of time perception. time does not move for me it feels like 7am still and its 10am#i feel like i got lobotomized. brainfog and much less of a filter of what i say/do and fatigue etc#shortness of breath when im stressed too. fucking annoying#i keep fucking up on the simplest tasks at work. literally filled out a simple form wrong that i've been doing right since day 1#and my supervisor is patient and i tried explaining brainfog but idt she takes it seriously and she gets more annoyed the more i screw up#and like. i need this job!!!!!!!!!!! it pays disgustingly well!!!!!! but if i cant do simple tasks right anymore then what am i even doing#ive had this stuff since late august but its so much worse suddenly and i dont know why :((#to be deleted /#<- if i can even remember i made this post at all LOL someone shoot me
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been a few years since i outright killed a sai file but by god i accidentally did it again just now :/
#other#homestuck#my art#mindfang#redglare#rip to all my sketches on that file 😭😭😭#i dont even remember How i used to kill the files its been so long#but whatever it is i just did it sdkfad#so yall get a sketch with some shadows slapped on it#i know it has something to do with when i save#but it corrupts the file so i cant open it anymore. n it just says the file doesnt exist#o well. im an artist. i can just draw the sketches again :/ it was all grimm anyways. i got lots of drawings of her :)
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uhhh yo i'm thinkin about. tommy and eddie not Getting each other but Dealing with each other becos of billy. but then somehow without even realising, they actually become pals too. hashtag billy's impact.
then ofc billy + eddie + tommy bestie-ism. becos i want it.
anyway. rewind becos we need to talk about billy + tommy and billy + eddie first before we slap tommy + eddie together
billy initially hating tommy when he first rolled into town, thinking he was kind of pathetic for how he was acting about harrington ditching him, and thinking he was just genuinely like. trying too fucking hard. trying to hard to be liked, to get attention, to get his fucking peers approval. billy already knew. high school didn't fucking matter. other kids approval and opinions didn't mean shit. everyone was fake as fuck. he just had to make it ‘til graduation, then he'd be fucking gone.
but then. he somehow ends up getting roped into joining tommy and his family for dinner one night, becos he's unable to say no to tommy's mom who asked him, and suddenly, he's seeing tommy in a whole new light.
he didn't know that tommy had a fucking baseball teams worth of siblings, and was the 3rd eldest. he watches as tommy cuts up his baby sisters dinner, pulling faces at his little brother next to her the entire time to make him laugh. listens as the entire table actually talks and interacts with each other, how his twin little sisters ask about when carol's coming over next, and how his mom cuts in and asks if carol's appointment went okay the other day and if she was feeling better. watches as him and his older brother clear the table without even being asked, their mom moving to start bath time for the kids under six. can't remember the last time he sat at a dinner table with an entire family and felt warm. like what dinner's look like they feel like in the movies.
after, when he's walking down the hallway to tommy's room, he sees all the pictures of him and harrington. they're all over the the wall, some not even having tommy in them, just steve and other members of the family cheesing at the camera from basically fucking diapers all the way up til last year. that's when he realises. tommy and steve weren't just school friends. steve was fucking family. and he left. over a fucking girl.
suddenly, billy gets it. he fucking Gets it. gets what it's like to have a family member walk out, with little to no explanation or reason, or for the worst fucking reason of all. to have everyone in the world expect you to just be fucking okay with it, like your entire world hasn't just changed, like you aren't eating dinner with one less plate setting now, like birthdays aren't suddenly forevermore gonna be one person short. he fucking gets it.
tommy looks embarrassed, though, when he catches billy eyeing the pictures, the red so obvious on his cheeks, and it feels like this is the first time billy's seen him without the act he puts on at school. billy just gives him a slight nod, then walks past the bathroom and flirts with his mom, feeling good about the way tommy groans behind him.
billy makes more of an effort after that, and tommy stops trying so hard.
maybe one night, after a slightly wild party at some cheerleader's house, him and tommy split to get some food from benny's, walking the whole way cos they're both not in any condition to drive, and tommy ends up spilling the details of what actually happened between him and steve. not just the shit that's been spreading around school, either. the real shit.
billy listens, still slightly drunk and definitely fucking high, and ends up vaguely mentioning his mom. he cuts himself off quickly though, cos even when he's wasted he knows not to expose himself like that. but tommy looks at him, and he nods, and he moves the conversation along.
they get close, after that.
they don't cling to each other at school, with tommy usually floating between anyone and everyone, carol leading the way, and billy only gracing the basketball table with his presence maybe once a week, the other days ditching to his car or hiding out under bleachers becos he’s sick and tired of people, but out of school, they're a bit more attached.
tommy's mom loves billy, and apparently, so do his siblings. well–the younger ones do, at least. the teens and the two older two seem unfazed by him at best, and wary of him at worst. that's probably fair though, considering his reputation.
it takes less than a month for billy to clock the fact that tommy doesn’t seem to “get” music. tommy says he considers it something you put on in the background while you do shit, just to have some noise, and billy pulls the car over immediately and gives him a wild look. he pulls out a mixed cd from the glovebox that has a decent chunk of his favourite songs, and when tommy says he's never heard a single one, billy loses his fucking mind for fifteen minutes straight before promising him that before the years out, tommy will understand music.
tommy just agrees, having learnt early on that billy's gonna billy, and he's expressive and passionate about so fucking little, so seeing him get so worked up about something tommy considers so small is like. kind of fucking adorable. he sits there and listens as billy explains the difference between one band and the next and thinks–he's never actually heard billy sound so genuinely happy to be talking about something before, like his love for it is roots deep.
and then–there's eddie.
he fucking hates billy on principal alone, at first. heard the talk and rumours about him from day one, his name even being whispered about by hellfire members, and instantly judged and stereotyped the fuck out of him. knows it's pretty pot, kettle–the whole hating each other becos stereotypes etc but like. no way this new california basketball guy isn't gonna tear eddie to shreds. there's no way.
so, he doesn't wait to see how billy treats him, just expects that he's gonna fuck with him the same way all the other assholes do, and writes him off as a waste of time, just like all the other jocks are.
gets the surprise of his life when billy not only acknowledges him publicly at a party, but also knows him by name and talks to him at school. usually, his crowd treats him like his social status is contagious, and keeps any interaction to a quick and private arrangement. except then he's walking down the corridor at school and his name is being yelled across the hall, and suddenly billy hargrove's standing in front of him, a kind of terrifying look on his face.
eddie rolls with it though, figures his buddies will catch him up to speed and explain the rules that keep things flowing around here, and billy'll never speak to him again.
that's not what happens, though. what happens is one of jason's dipshit besties throws an arm over billy's shoulder and laughs, calls eddie a freak like it's the funniest and most original insult to ever exist, and tells billy that they don't actually have to talk to him, that they can get anything they want from samson's older brother who's back from college.
billy shrugs the guy off, "you mean that shit that you were sharing around at patrick's last week? yeah, fuck that. at least munson's shit is good."
eddie watches the scene unfold with slight interest, but writes billy off again when he walks away with the crowd, having gotten the information he needed.
charges him double and a half when billy eventually tracks him down behind the school, and billy gives him a flat look but still hands over the money.
"that the standard price, or you just being a little bitch about it?"
"whatever you wanna tell yourself, short guy."
billy rolls his eyes, but takes the baggie eddie hands him and walks away, flipping him the bird over his shoulder as he goes.
eddie watches him leave and shakes his head. thinks, at least that'll be the last of it.
feels his eyes widen slightly the next week when billy rocks up again, money already in hand.
"price has actually went up this week, sorry man. must've forgot to send you the newsletter," eddie shrugs, walking straight past him and dumping his bag on the table.
"fuckin–seriously? you seriously pulling this shit?"
eddie gets his little tin lunch box out of his bag, not even sparing him a glance.
"supply and demand, gotta make a buck, you know how it is," eddie shrugs again and waits to hear billy's footsteps walk away. that doesn't happen. instead, he hears billy take a deep breath, mutter a fucksake under his breath, then hears his footsteps approach.
"well, how much is it this week, then?"
eddie looks at him over his shoulder, then turns around fully, a slow grin growing on his face. "how much you got?"
watches the flash of anger and frustration cross over billy's face before he seems to reign himself in.
"just–just give me my fucking shit, munson, i swear to god."
eddie just watches him and waits, letting him sweat a bit, before grinning at him, all teeth, then turns back around.
he grabs some things from his little stash then slaps three baggies in billy's hand.
billy clenches his fist around it, before taking another calming breath, then nods.
"how much?"
"same as last week."
billy gives him a look, and eddie snorts.
"supply and demand," he shrugs again, twirling his hair.
billy huffs, slapping the money down on the table.
eddie winks at him.
billy becomes a pretty regular customer after that, even though he looks at eddie like he thinks he’s batshit crazy most days. doesn't stop him from asking for his phone number though, complaining that sneaking notes in lockers is fucking corny.
next thing eddie knows, billy’s rocking up at his trailer and banging on his door, inviting himself in. eddie would like to pretend to give more of a fuck, but honestly, billy isn't actually that bad. and uncle wayne fucking loves him for some reason.
billy clocks his guitar on his second visit, and sniffs out his fucking heart wide crush on chrissy cunningham on the fourth, and eddie never knows peace affer that.
it’s a bright as fuck day when billy finally figures out a way to merge his two worlds and get both eddie and tommy into the same place at the same time, and it happens purely by his own intervention.
billy's driving tommy home when eddie’s van mysteriously breaks down, and he calls for a lift. billy eyes his glovebox, where he’s stashed a small but important part of eddies engine, and thinks hell fuckin’ yeah your van’s broke down.
he smirks into his phone as he listens to eddie stress, quickly checking on his passenger as he thinks about the way eddie’s face always screws up whenever he mentions him, and how tommy always looks downright uncomfortable every time he mentions spending time at munson’s trailer.
but. here's the thing. he doesn't give a fuck. what he does give a fuck about is splitting his time between the two, like a fucking child of divorce, when he could simply just hang out with them both at once, them all chilling together. of course, that involes playing matchmaker. or just like. force them into getting stockholm syndrome about each other or some shit. but whatever. as long as something works. he’s not picky.
he flips his turn signal on and does a u-turn, shrugging when tommy asks where they’re going.
when he pulls up behind eddie’s van, tommy’s face does something complicated, and billy holds back a snort. he gives tommy one last sideway glance before climbing out and going to find eddie.
“what’s the damage?” he calls out, walking up to the front.
“fuck if i know, man. i look after her the best i can, but she’s old as shit and high maintenance, and i’m fucking broke,” eddie says from the front seat where he’s been waiting, looking at billy like maybe he’ll know the answer.
“just leave it. i’ll come back later and have a look. got a passenger though, so. we gotta go,” billy waves his hand dismissively before nodding his head towards his car.
“oh shit, little red’s here?” eddie asks, hopping out and walking alongside him.
billy snorts. “worse.”
eddie opens the back passenger door and ducks down to look before standing straight back up.
“tell me you’re joking,” he says, sounding fucking pained.
billy laughs. “get in the fucking car, freak.”
it’s the most awkward and uncomfortable drive he’s had since he got his own car, and he spends most of the time trying to make fucking conversation with them both only for them to give him stilted and one word answers back.
“holy fuck,” billy breaks, pulling up in front of tommy’s house. he locks the car doors before anyone can split and turns in his seat. “what’s the big deal between you two? it can’t be that fucking bad. you’re both like–harmless. fucking bitchy, and definitely petty, and both fucking dramatic, but like. harmless. what’s the beef?”
tommy stays silent, making sure to look anywhere but them, while eddie leans forward to look between them. he looks from billy, to tommy, then back to billy.
“just–history,” eddie sighs, giving tommy a look.
billy stares blankly between them both. “history,” he deadpans back.
“well, we have went to school together for most of our lives, even been in most of the same classes in high school,” eddie reasons, sounding offended that billy’s not getting it.
“boo hoo, he stole your lunch money,” billy bitches back, giving eddie a bewildered look, “move past it. you’re like, 20, dude.”
eddie gives him an incredulous look right back, and billy shrugs, unlocking the car doors. tommy bolts.
“christ, man. you don’t get it,” eddie starts after he’s jumped in the front seat and they’ve started to drive away, “you haven't been at the bottom of the food chain.”
billy raises an eyebrow at him, ‘cause like fuck has he never been at the bottom of the food chain, and eddie fucking knows that. billy’s turned up at his trailer enough times now after a run in with his dad for eddie to have put the pieces together.
“that’s fucking different, don’t even try to compare,” eddie shoots back instantly, throwing his arms out.
“yeah, ‘cause one’s fucking high school bullshit, and one’s my fucking homelife. like, dude. come on, seriously? he bullied you? i fucking bully you.”
“yeah but you bully me because you want to fuck me, he bullied me for like–fucking everything. living in a trailer, hellfire club,” he starts listing, “my parents and all that bullshit–my fucking band–”
“yeah, and i tried to fuck your uncle last week,” billy cuts him off, sitting there and giving him a blank look.
eddie looks scandalised before a smile starts to crack, a slight laugh coming out. “you are such a fucking asshole.”
billy laughs right back, making an illegal turn and flooring it, “fuck you, i’m your hottest fucking customer. now, let’s go fix your fucking van.”
“tommy ain’t that bad,” billy tries again as he puts eddies van back into working condition, pulling the piece he took out earlier from his jacket and putting it back in the engine, eddie none the wiser sitting in the driver's seat.
eddie raises his eyebrows at him when he pops up to look at him over the hood, “uh huh. sure. tommy hagen’s got a heart of gold.”
billy rolls his eyes then bends back over, fixing up the last few things before slamming the hood shut.
“seriously. he’s like, chill, once you get to know him. he pissed me off too when i first met him. then, i actually gave him the time of day, and now–” billy shrugs, wiping his hands and smearing some grease around, then walking around to eddie’s door.
“why the hell do you care so much–what? you want us to all share friendship bracelets? want us to jam together?” eddie questions, looking at billy through his rolled down window.
billy lets out a deep breath. “‘cause. we’re almost graduated, we’re basically fucking adults, and i don't want to spend my fucking summer having to divide my days going between you both because you guys can’t get over shit from middle school. we were all fuckin’ pricks when we were twelve. luckily, you two both grew out of it, but i sure as shit didn't. so, either learn to get along, or i’ll make you fucking get along.”
billy pulls out a pack of smokes, gets one out, gives eddie a salute, then lights up and walks away.
billy’s words bounce around in his head the following days, and when billy tells him to meet him at his car after school three days later and he rocks up to tommy and carol fucking perkins sitting in the back seat, eddie stops for a minute before standing tall, then throws himself into the front passenger seat.
billy smiles his most angelic smile at him, and when eddie turns around, tommy won’t meet his eye. carol smirks at him and pops her bubblegum. “‘sup, eddie.”
eddie didn't even know she knew his name. he lifts his hand in a weird little wave before turning back around and facing the road. “fuck you,” he mutters under his breath, sinking down in his seat.
billy laughs and drops his hand to rest on eddie’s knee, squeezing it. “we’re gonna have fun, baby,” he mumbles back.
after a few blocks, billy pulls up to benny’s diner and cuts the engine.
“you said ‘meet me at my car, it’s important’,” eddie deadpans, looking around the busy carpark in the peak of the after school rush, tommy and carol already getting out.
“yeah,” billy deadpans right back, eyes looking fucking gleeful, “after school milkshakes. most important part of the day.”
“you’re lactose intolerant,” eddie breathes out disbelievingly as they both reach for their car doors.
“i know,” billy grins, pushing his door open and stepping out, then turning around and leaning in, “now let’s go, hot stuff.”
and maybe one day i'll finish this. oops.
#theres more and i have three different au's where they end up in a band together but. too lazy to type more rn#also billy and eddie being the type of friends where everyones like..... are they..... are they together.... wait huh.....#but obviously. eddiechrissy is real and true#and billy. well hes bi as fuck and will obviously meet someone that hawkins could never create#but basically!!!! eddie and tommy finding themselves in situations together all becos of billy#and it being awkward and weird and stilted#until one day they realise it isn't anymore#GOD the idea of them being in a band and having fans and stans#like the idea of them doing interviews and eddie being like. we went to school together. tommy bullied me. i was billys dealer.#billy: i was tommys bi-awakening#tommy: sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i went to community college instead of joining these tools in a band#hello the thought of tommy being the drummer and just drumming over them everytime they dont shut the fuck up on stage#billy and eddie turning to him like ohhhh look whos too good to listen to us now huh. remember when u idolised us#mungrove#hagangrove#billy x eddie x tommy#nqff#m#text
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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me: i'll create a tua discord group
also me: how do u create discord groups
#status post#dfnvjsdfklds#i made one before i swear#fdnojnfoe#fuck#i forgot#i dont even remember how to manage groups anymore lmao#well all for the tua fandom#i got u guys#i swear
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im so glad i dont write fic on tumblr anymore genuinely its so hard to be a fic writer but esp in the kotlc fandom
#i dont know this isnt rlly inspired bu anything i just kinda remembered when i used to post fic here#i remember id used to be LUCKY if i got like 20 notes bc most ppl didnt even get that#like fr kotlc fic writers get the worst of it genuinely its so hard getting interaction even if youre popular and well known and all that#and idk maybe its bc were a pretty young fandom but like no one comments or anything anymore#wattpad?? i have like 100k views and maybe. 1k stars or whatever like yall realize how bad that is right#and ig ao3 is better but the hits to kudos/comments ratio is still soo sucky#ive written in other fandoms and rven if theyre small at least ppl comment and shit?? more than here ifl#everyone still writing fic in this fandom deserves a holiday or smth#avery rambles
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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Every day I am reminded that 90% of my problems would be solved if I actually listened to my intuition like ever
#my intuition: 'thats stupid. dont do that'#me: hm.. anyway ! :D#literally it does not register.. 😒#ok so what i did that was embarrassingly stupid.... ugh ok.. eh..#its like genuinely genuinely stupid ok like actually#ugh#ok so im making a new passport and i assumed that since the old one is old i didnt need it anymore#and so i cut out the cute little picture of myself for my travel journal and threw the rest of the passport away#meanwhile thinking: hmm. well this doesn't feel right but google said it was fine so i guess its fine. anyway look at that cute picture :D#and now i realise that the police need the old passport for when im taking out the new passport#so yes. embarrassingly stupid. there u go#i feel not great abt all this tbb. my brain has a tendency to overreact so now im convinced im not gonna be able to travel like i planned#plus im totally going to passport jail for idiots who cut up their own passport and throw them away#WHY LITERALLY WHY#i just wanted the cute little picture IM SORRY DONT TAKE ME TO JAIL 💔💔💔💔💔#no but actually i do feel very not great about this genuinely actually genuinely </3#the curse of scrapbooking i guess#is there a way i can tell the police im literally a neurodivergent (ex)minor ? and that this old passport thing is very offensive to me#anyhow.. yes its ok to laugh at my stupidity here but pls also remember im fragile 😢 💔 a poor little meow meow or something to that effect
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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(
#gu6chan's musings#im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have#up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY#but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console#and video game when she came up from florida 😭 a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you#giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE#i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe#but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage#but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao#black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of#the map beyond castelia city lmao#14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves 😭 i deserved to get shot#But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked#legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you#have to hold it lol#but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol#like#i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like#i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao#so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...
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opened up minecraft on my computer for the first time in like over a year i think nd got so so fucking scared cuz it was saying i didnt own it anymore (turns out i just logged into my bedrock account on accident) and then we had to deal with trying to figure out how to even log into my java account and we almost thought we completely lost it or smthn
#i dont really care abt my worlds being lost thats happened. so many times over the years i dont rllycare anymore#plus i barely spend much time in single player worlds anymore so im not as attached to them as i used to be#but oh my god i havent even logged onto lgl in like a year??? two years???????? i dont remember anymore but like if i lost all my stuff and#had to walk ALL THE WAY BACK if i ever logged on again id cry#<- this sounds so stupid typing jt out but like#i dont care that much its just… soooooo much and id feel rlly bad for gizmo especially cuz itd be such a setback#im already a huge liability when it comes to playing on there im ass at this game and constantly lose stuff#inquisitivewaltz.txt#oh yah ‘we’ is me nd my dad cuz i donttttttt know the login info for my account#well. i didnt. i do now cuz we had to reset the password#<- he made my account for me way back in. uh i dont remember when we got java but like it was all jsut set up for me when he got it it was#like a surprise thing for doing good a state testing or something#whenever ive had to log back onto the launcher or whatever over the years ive asked him for the password and it was one of the autogenerate#ones so i never remmebered it#rlly stupid of me looking back but oh well its in the past now#seriously thougj that was so needlesly difficult#mostly my dads fault he had like fifty million different login information combinations saved for the same thing
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i think being really particular and picky about aesthetics with merch but ESPECIALLY plushies has saved me from collecting a lot of promare merch i didnt rly want lol. i notice that seems to be a theme w other collectors especially ones that r autistic or have ocd and im glad i was spared bcuz i only rly want merch if i think its aesthetically pleasing to me lol. i dont have the money or space for everything. anyway eventually ill get the rare plushies i have wanted for years that i missed at the time bcuz i was silly and forgot proxies exist...
#promare shit is expensive as hell and hard to find#i havent seen any of the sanrio collab plushies up for years#granted i dont rly check frequently anymore my collector focus is on other stuff nowadays#butit is funny like if i had remembered proxies exist i could literally own all this stuff. i was therefor it. oh well#i own a good amnt of stuff theres just a few things i still want and will someday shell out for lol
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For the most part I'm a person who can like continue to listen to music that I associate with someone after we break up or stop talking or whatever like I can usually disconnect it and it's fine plus there aren't all that many people I've dated that I can't think about without spiraling like ive made peace with most everyone but man the one big thing is I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to listen to beat happening in large doses literally ever again for as long as I live every time I try even though it's been like 11 years I'm like yeah nope
#its just way too emotional for me like i cant believe how much it still hurts even though im ostensibly over it if i hear their music im#immediately not#and its crazy cos its like idk i never even think about this person anymore unless i hear beat happening and then i feel Everything at once#and i will start sobbing#dont mix the colors came on shuffle and i was just not at all ready mannnnnnnnn man#actually maybe its only been 10 years i dont know i literally dont remember 18-20 basically#which is also why i think i have this reaction occasionally and most of the time dont even think about it#i need a tag for my like personal posts so people can filter them but i also dont wanna necessarily have them all in the same place#so ah well#but ughhhh man
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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finally catching up with bsd after one hell of a month (+ midterms) 🫠
#bsd spoilers#updates for ep 2 :3#right off the bat all i can just say is fukuchi is such a well-written villain; while i can’t completely emphathize with his plan yet#i have to applaud him (uh and asagiri too) bc that’s quite a villain to fear—he’s already in a position of power that puts him in a major#advantage compared to the ada; it’s like he masterminded this whole thing to lead up to this but WHY (idk if i just forgot)#point and case: i hate him and im always terrified of his next move but damn he’s such a well-written antagonist i can’t even 🤐#ATSUSHI GET OFF THAT FUCKING BOAT RN WHY DID IT HAPPEN SO EARLY INTO THE SEASON IM CRY WAIT NO#fukuchi pointing out that ranpo is just jealous that he and fukuzawa way back is just so adorable made me forget what happens next haha#how come i dont remember these cute moments from the manga 😩#god im stalling so much :(( i hate it i hate it i hate it#the reveal was so… he should’ve deducted this shit sooner (objectively the build up was so nice hsjdhdj)#MY JAW DROPPED THEN AND IT STILL HAPPENED NOW :)))))#ok fukuchi in his complete villain mode is kinda 😗#watching this after being detached to bsd in general is so much better bc i can now appreciate the whole thing as is without much bias???#THE WAY HE JUST TURNED COLD ALL OF A SUDDEN AND I OOP— 😗😗😗😗😗#oh both canon and beast atsushi and their paralyzing fears :(( my heart actually hurts#ATSUSHI THINKING HE’S ALONE ANDDDDDD#OH MY GOD I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE MY SSKK#I CANT WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE#toff.txt
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