#i dont have money for nail polish

[ninoochat]

s t r e s s e d

[em-b-sides]

I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually

[yelloworangesoda]

i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing

[mintyvoid]

...i wonder if i should just indulge and buy what i wanna buy /because/ i dont believe anything will get better. get those small bursts of dopa while i still can.

or continue to horde cause i don't believe things will get better, and i'll need any savings i have when shit gets worse. like if i lose my disability deposits or lose my home or a family member gets injured.

[honeytonedhottie]

upgrading ur nail game⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💅🏽💕

when ur nails are done, ur accessories look better, u FEEL better and u look more put together. when i get manicures it helps me to feel like i have everything together even if at the time i dont. SO today im going to be talking about how u can upgrade ur nail game…💬🎀

BUILD UR SKILL SET ;

theres nothing wrong with going to ur local nail salons or going to ur favorite nail tech, in fact i encourage it! #support small business. however i also encourage u to build ur own skill set.

what i mean by this is learn how to take proper care of ur nails and keep them strong, how to do a basic nail polish coat etc. plus it can be rly expensive having to constantly pay money to get ur nails done when u can learn a thing or two on ur own at home.

to figure out what u have to learn, take a look at what u love the most. for me i cannot RESIST a good french tip. like i LOVE it. so i would look up youtube tutorials and practice doing french tips on my own hands. figure out what u like and then figure out how to do it.

SOME RESOURCES FOR THE NAIL GIRLIES ;

GEL POLISH ;

i prefer gel polish over regular nail polish because the shine that it leaves on ur nails is just TO DIE for. i like it better then nail polish cuz nail polish takes a while to dry, it could get smudged or ur hair could get caught in it. plus its rly hard to get a nice finish with regular nail polish so gel polish is a billion times better in my opinion.

in order to dry the gel polish u dry it with a UV lamp which u can find on amazon and then ur all done!~ it takes so fast and u dont have to worry about smudging the polish or anything…💬🎀

ACRYLICS AND POLYGEL ;

in my humble opinion i feel like acrylic nails are rly heavy on my fingers and when i get acrylics done, the nail salon i frequent kind of buffs my nail too much so acrylics aren't my favorite thing in the world. plus it causes a lot of damage so i dont recommend. polygel however has a kind of toothpaste consistency and its a lot more light weight then acrylics.

[hyunjinswifelol]

study session. h.hj

warnings: weed, getting high, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f!receive), reader wheres skirt, reader is called y/n, reader is also fem mostly, hyunjin wears rings, reader is a teachers pet, use of slut

summary: reader goes to hyunjin to study, knowing hes really smart. they end up getting high together and do interesting things.

“excuse me, do you know which dorm room is uh.. hwang hyunjins dorm?” y/n asked. the front desk lady gave her a weird look. “why do you need to know?” “hes the smartest in my class and i need tutoring lessons” she said. “hes in room 238 on floor 4. be careful, hes not really a good kind of boy” “i-.. okay thanks!” y/n ran to the elevator, trying not to drop everything, including her bag. she pressed floor 4, and hoped he was even in his room. “room 238.. where is it” she questioned herself, wondering the halls. she found it. her heart was racing. she knocked. “y/n?..” “hyunjin!! hi, can you tutor me please? the math is terrible and-“ “you want me to tutor you?” hyunjin asked, sarcastically laughing. she nodded slowly, afraid he’ll turn her down. “is it too much? are you busy? do i need to come another time-“ “no y/n youre fine. i just wasnt expecting you to come to me” hyunjin said, scratching the back of his neck. she nodded again, less worried. he was much taller than her, she just realized. he was about 5’10, and she was about 5’2. hyunjin opened his door more and let her in. “thanks.. im sorry. i didnt mean to bother you or anything” she said, slightly looking down. “hey its okay.. i understand, schools hard you know? dont worry about it” she smiled and nodded. he was really cute she thought. “do you want a drink?” he asked. “sure.. do you have sweet tea?” hyunjin nodded. “oh sorry.. you can set your stuff down on my table and ill get everything ready” hyunjin said, pulling a chair out for her. “thanks, youre really a gentleman” she said, patting his arm. he blushed. “thanks.. i try to help nice to women. i also try to be nice to you, youre the most favorite in the school you know? the teachers love you” “my parents donated a bunch of money to the school, thats the only reason they love me” “youre really kind to them, they probably like that too, respecting teachers is really important” she nodded. he poured her a glass of tea. “do you smoke?” he asked, sitting down infront of her, handing her the tea. her eyes lit up, and went wide. “do i.. smoke?” he nodded. “do you? i have some weed, we can share a joint before we study, it’ll calm your nerves. youre tense honey” she nodded. “ive never done this before hyunjin.. is it okay?” “ofcourse it is, i wouldnt harm you” hyunjin stood up and went to the kitchen. y/n followed him. he went to roll a joint. he was rolling it up and making it a cigarette type to smoke. y/n was staring at his hands the whole time. the veins, the tings, the tendons, his long fingers. she wondered what they felt like inside her. no. she cant think like that. this is her classmate, and possibly new study friend. “your rings are cool” she softly said. “oh thanks! im glad you notic- how did you notice?..” he said. “i was staring” she mumbled, slightly embarrassed. “you were staring st my hands?” he said, genuinely confused. “yeah.. i mean you have nice hands” “thanks.. are you like.. obsessed with my hands?” “no.. i was just staring cause theyre nice. your nail polish is cool too” she smiled. “thanks” he smiled back at her. “okay done. wanna hit first?” “can you?.. i dont know how to do this” she said, looking at the floor embarrassed. “its okay, dont be embarrassed.. i wouldnt expect you to know how to smoke anyways” he said. he took a big hit, then blew out. “when you take a hit, you’ve gotta inhale it, be careful, it’ll make you cough” he handed it to her. “thanks” she said. she hit it, inhaled, choked a little, then blew out. “wow.. i feel weird” “its normal, after a few more puffs youll feel like youre floating, trust me sweetheart” he said. her cheeks got red at the pet name. she never really liked pet names if she’s completely honest, but she feels warm when he calls her pet names. he took another hit, and did it like a pro. she took another hit, but coughed alot. “its okay, youll get the hang of it” hyunjin reassured her. they took turns back and fourth. after a while, y/n felt very high, and very clingy. “hyunjin.. can we watch a movie?” she asked. “arent we supposed to study?”

“fuck studying” she said. his eyes went wide. she just cussed? “i-.. sure hun, what do you wanna watch?” “romance. like.. shrek!” “thats not a romance honey” he said laughing. “dont laugh.. and yes it is” “okay then..” he took her to the living room. he sat down. she was still standing though. “you can sit down you know..” he said smiling, but slightly confused. “can you spread your legs?” she mumbled. he nodded and did so. she sat in between them. he froze completely. “can you scoot back a little? i dont wanna fall off the couch” she looked back at him smiling innocently. he nodded. he scooted back. she layed back to where her back was against his chest. he got the remote and found shrek and started playing it. she hit the joint again. “jinnie i think im getting high.. am i okay?” she said, now being serious. “its normal love, trust me you’ll be okay” she nodded. she got herself comfortable. her head was resting in ghe crook of his neck, her thighs pressed together between his, her back against his chest, and her hands on his thighs. “this is comfy” she whispered. “good. it is” he smiled. her hair smelled really good. his arms were right beside his thighs, and y/n took that as an opportunity to gran then and wrap them around her waist. he looked down at it, and smiled. “hold me” she said. “okay honey” he said, smiling brighter than ever. she held the joint up to his lips and hetook a hit. she took a hit after him. she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist. his arms were loosly wrapped around her waist. “hi lovely” he said. she blinked a few times. then smashed her lips on his. he immediately kissed back. his arms tightened around her. she pulled away after a moment. “can we go to your room?” she shyly asked. “what are you wanting to do in there that we cant do in here?” he asked messing woth her soft hair. “can you make me feel good?” she mumbled. hyunjins pants got tight, and she felt that. she was acting so innocent but shes not at the same time, hyunjin loved it. y/n got up and waited for hyunjin to. “right down the hallway lovely” he said, and held her hand softly. she went and sat on his bed, and he closed his door. the only lightin there was a lamp. she stared at him. he stared backat her. “are you sure you want this?” she nodded. “ive never done it before but i want you to be my first hyunjin. please?” she whispered. he nodded. he wanted this as much as she did. hes fucked multiple girls, but none like her. hes always thought that y/n was special and innocent and pretty, but that innocent thought was long gone. hyunjin kissed her, and they started making out. his tounge slid in her mouth, and he bit her bottom lip- making her whine. hyunjin felt his dick get harder. he slowly pushed her down to where she was laying on her back. his hands roamed her body, and she loved it. her mind and his were all fuzzy, most likely from being stoned, but for her it was that and the feeling of his hands all over her. his hand went down to her wet pussy. he broke the kiss. “do you want me to touch you sweetheart?” he asked, teasing her. “yes please” she whined. he rubbed her clothed clit and she moaned. “lets take these panties off okay?” he said, rubbing up and down her thighs. she nodded. he slip them down to her ankles and threw them somewhere across the room. hyunjin rubbed her clit, and it felt even better with her panties off. “you like that? you like my fingers touching you?” “yes- feels s-so good” she moaned out. hyunjin pushed his middle finger in her entrance. she whined and threw her head back on the bed. “you wanna lay down love?” he asked, still fingering her. she nodded. she scooted back to where her back was slightly against the headboard. he crawled in between her legs and he was face to face with her pussy. “can i?” he asked. “please” she whispered. and just like that that, his face was burried in her pussy. his tounge going in and out of her entrance at a fast pace. y/n’s mind was fully blank, only the thought of hyunjin eating her out like a pro. she grabbed his hair.

hyunjin looked up at her. she closed her eyes and whined. hyunjin came up and kissed her, and started fingering her again- but with two fingers. “hyunjin” she moaned. “yes darling? you like it? you like taking my fingers?” he softly said, playing with her hair in his other hand. she nodded and whined. “you look so fucking pretty. a princess getting fucked in that slutty skirt.. my princess getting fucked in her slutty skirt” she moaned. she liked him calling her a slut. “im your slut?” she whispered. “yes darling youre my little slut okay? youre my princess, my slutty princess” he said, fingering her at the fastest pace possible. “hyun- your fingers” y/n moaned out. “my fingers? you like them? they making my princess feel good?” he asked kissing her forehead. “yes they feel so good-your rings they feel” she said before moaning. “they feel good dont they” he said. she nodded. “lets take this little shirt off okay?” he said, pulling her little pink crop top off. she covered her chest. “hey dont cover or be shy my love” he said slowly pulling her arms softly. “here ill take mine off so youre not alone lovely” he said removing his fingers from her pussy. “hyunjin-“ she whined, feeling empty. “i know darling, youll get what you want soon, i promise” he whispered, taking his shirt off and going back down on her again. “you taste like heaven darling” he whispered. he sucked her clit, and she almost screamed. she bucked her hips in his face, practically riding it. “hyunjin im gonna cum- please can i?” she cried. “yes love” he tounge fucked her for a minute and she came right in his mouth. he slurped her juices and came up to kiss her again. she tasted herself. “lets get this slutty skirt off hm?” he said. she nodded, and he ripped it right off. he got off the bed for a minute. he unbuckled his pants and slid them off, as well as his boxers. his cock sprung right out. her eyes went wide in fear. it looked about 9 inches. she was worried it wouldnt fit. “will it fit hyunjin?” she whispered. “yes love, dont worry okay? ill take care of you” he said, laying her down. he aligned his cock with her hole. “im gonna go in slowly okay? squeeze my hand if it hurts” he whispered. he offered his hand and she held it. he pushed in his tip. she squeezed his hand a little. “you okay darling?” he whispered, his thumb carresing her knuckles. she nodded. “you got this” he whispered. he pushed in another 3 inches. he waited a moment and pushed in a few more inches. he still had about 4 more inches to go. so, he went balls deep in her pussy. “youre tight love” he said, smiling at her. “youre big hyunie” she said, eyes welled with tears. “do you want me to move now?” he asked, holding her hand tight. she nodded. he moved about halfway out and pushed back in very slow. he repeated that for a few minutes. “hyun.. faster please” she whispered, eyes shut tight. he hummed an ‘mhm’ and picked up his pace. “shit” he whispered. he went faster now. she moaned his name a few times. “hyunjin faster-“ she said, and then he went at a rapid pace. she moaned even louder than before. “im gonna cum darling, can i cum in you?” he asked. she nodded, tears streaming from her eyes. she felt herself getting closer too. she clenched around him, and then he came. she came a few seconds after him. he layed beside her. she was panting. “you did great love” he said, still holding her hand. sweat was dripping down his neck. she lookrd over at him, and stared at the sweat. she caused that sweat. “lets get cleaned up and head to bed hm?” he said. “im staying here tonight?” she asked. hyunjin stood up and went to grab a towel. “yeah.. if you want to obviously” he said and smiling at her. “can i sleep in here?” she asked, stars in her eyes. “ofcourse lovely” he cleaned themselfs off. she put her underwear and bra on. he put some boxers amd sweatpants on. “hyunjin?” “hm?” “can i borrow a shirt?” “ofcourse, let me get you one” he said. he walked to his closet and found a white t shirt. he handed it to her and kissed her forehead. she smiled and giggled. “what?” he asked.

“you give me butterflies when you kiss my forehead” she said, looking up at him and smiling. “then ill do it more often” he cockily said. she put the shirt on and collapsed on his bed. he layed doen next to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. she rolled over and shoved her face in his chest. “you smell good” she mumbled. “do i?” “mhm” he smiled. he kissed her forehead. “goodnight darling” he said. “goodnight jinnie” “love you” “love you too” she smiled. her face was in his neck and her arms were around his neck, while his was around her waist. they both eventually fell asleep.

[lizzylifts]

School list +little rant

School is starting next week for me and I'm poor af and low self esteem low, car broke down, and I need to use the bus for transportation but I need to go w my siblings. We don't have enough to do a shopping list and have to reuse items from last yr, and omg I've gained weight and none of my pants fit me.

Unless I can get tips to loose weight or how to 🏋 new clothes, except I'll need to go on the bus for anywhere. Also what do you guys do with the stuffs you 🏋 if you still live w ur parents. Bc idk what to tell them if I do 🏋 bigger items like clothes, what would I tell them bc we don't have money to buy anything so I'll get caught and asked where I got these items

I dont think I'll post frequently bc I have no where to go

If I do have a chance to 🏋 for back to school it'll have to be these items:

• star pimple patches (so cute and perfect when I need to hide big ass pimples)

• pimple patches(star patches don't work and are like just for show)

● new perfume(where's the best place to get perfume)

●new pants(I desperately need)

●Jewelry (need moree)

●makeup (I'm running out of a lot)

●pens, notebooks, planning journal, sticky notes (haven't shopped for supplies yet)

●claw clips, headbands

●razors, shaving cream(what's the best razors)

●makeup wipes and micellar water (i have nothing left...)

●nail polish, fake nails

●lip oils and glosses

●make up bag, pencil pouch

●socks and shorts

●skincare items, lotion

●water bottle, hydroflask or Stanley

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to resort to this method to be able to live comfortably and have items for school. Yet I also love the thrill and adrenaline I get.

I can't find a job for fcking life, but I'll continue trying igg. I refuse money define how I'll live and I'll eventually get whatever I want.

Thanks for reading my little rant,

Xoxo

[markdelonge]

note: my favorite thing to do on this account is stop writing for a hella long time then show up outta nowhere with a shitty story with a shitty plot

second note: i started this in october 2022...... its april

...

title: "nails"

request?: no

pairing: tom delonge (no specific era) x reader (no specific gender mentioned)

contains: fluff, cussing, terrible horrible no good very bad writing.

blink-182 masterlist

...

"okay, tom, which color?" you asked your boyfriend as you dropped all the nail polishes you owned on the bed in front of him.

tom had finally agreed to let you paint his nails. it wasn't hard to get him to agree, he's had his nails done multiple times before, but he had been so busy with recording the newest blink album, he never had the time to actually sit down and let you do it.

he looked at the colors for a while before making a choice

"this one" he picked up the darkest color of them all, which was black, and handed it to you which caused you to playfully roll your eyes

"tom, you always wear black, how about we switch it up for once" you suggested, taking the nail polish out of his hand.

"why would black be an option if you were just gonna say 'no'?" he fake pouted at you to try and 'guilt trip' you.

you threw the black nail polish behind your back, not paying any attention to the loud thud it made when it hit the wall.

"pick a color, baby" you repeated what you said moments before while gesturing to the nail poshes in front of the both of you.

tom rolled his eyes before looking back down at the variety of colors, this time, making up his mind had taken longer than the last, given the fact he didn't have any other color than black on his mind.

"how 'bout this one?" he asked as he picked up the lightest color which was white.

"good choice" you smiled at him while taking the polish out of his hand and shaking it.

"give me your hand" you said while grabbing his right hand and placing it on your knee.

you opened the polish and started gently painting his thumb while the toxic smell of nail polish filled the air.

tom stared at you, taking in all your facial features as you continued painting his nails. you could see him staring in your peripheral vision, but you decided not to say anything and focused on what you were doing, cleaning up any mess-ups with the tip of your nail.

"you're real pretty, you know that?" tom asked completely out of the blue, causing you to blush.

you shurgged before answering "you say that a lot"

"'cause it's true"

you turned your attention to the brunette in front of you before leaning in to place a soft kiss to his lips.

"you're really pretty, too" you smiled at him

tom playfully rolled his eyes.

"whatever" he scoffed which made you giggle.

you continued painting his nails as comfortable silence filled the room, now working on his left hand. it wasnt long until you were done.

"alright, tom, that will be $15.99" you joked as you closed the nail polish and tossed it to the side. tom looked at you with a shocked look on his face.

"i knew you only wanted me for my money" he joked back before looking at what you did to his nails.

"wow, you're smarter than i thought" you said which caused tom to look back at you with a slight smile on his face.

"i dont have any money on me"

"well, i guess you're gonna have to make it up to me" you stated as you leaned to place another kiss on your boyfriend's lips. it wasn't long until he grabbed your waist, pushed you on your back and deepened the kiss.

you hummed into the kiss and pushed his chest, causing him to break this kiss

"tom, stop you're gonna fuck up your nails. i just did them" you complained. tom rolled his eyes before getting up from being on top of you.

"you're so fuckin' annoying" he laughed before placing one last kiss on your lips.

[emptinessinme-s]

Some tips i've collected through the years:

• if you crave sweets constantly and have the financial condition, invest in whey protein. Choose your favorite flavour and be sure to buy the type thats low in carbs, just protein. Whenever you want something sweet you can drink that with coffee, for exemplo (thats sometimes a whole meal for me, in the morning or evening/night)

• make your plate aesthetically looking and eat with manners (dont have to be the societal rules for eating -etiquete- just the rules you've set for your self)

• be honest with yourself:

- if you cant resist it, dont buy it. If you know you will eat the entire thing, dont buy it. Instead, plan for ir – sharing with friends/familly, having a day where that fits your calories, eating that food in public

- doing something else while eating can be a trap. being distracted during the meals is something that i have to ajust everytime, cause sometimes it leads me to overating and other times it helps me make my meal last longer. For me, it will vary accordingly to my anxiety, so i always check it before stting down to eat.

• prepare your food beforehand. There are times you just go for the easy, for whats closer, more in hand, so make sure you'll choose the "good" foods by preparing them before. Ex: whash your vegetables, cut the fruit, cook the meat (chicken breast is great with lots of things)...

• dilute your drinks! Milk, for exemple, it will last longer and be less caloric.

• dont ever leave it to the "next time". Oh, tomorrow i will eat less so i can eat this now, i will skip dinner so its ok if i eat this big plate. Seriouslly, for this thing to work out you gotta make a lifestyle out of it. "Sometimes" will get you nowhere.

• paint your nails, do your make up, take care of your skin, dress nicely (daydream of it, even). Get in character, play the game.

• alcohool 🙏 cigarrets 🙏 tea 🙏 coffe 🙏 gum

• nutricion maxxing! Put greans in everything you can (leafs are low in calories and high in nutrients), eat quality carbs and some fats; season your food!!!

And also eat some salt i swear you will not retain a significant amount of water if you put a normal amount of salt in your food.

--> Fun scientific fact: the marine salt you buy at the market is obliged to be enriched with iodine, wich is essencial for the functioning of you thyroid, wich is responsible for your metabolism!! So a healthy tyroid means a good metabolism wich means easier weight loss.

• save money on food and buy clothes that you like and actually fit you right!! If you feel good about yourself it will be much easier to continue this journey. Especially if you seek confort in food, always treating yourself with something nice (little things – a new nail polish, hair accessory, cheap jewelry..) will help you to not use food as a escape.

• do some exercise, obviously. When you feel your stomach empty, suck in your tummy. It will look so good.. and then when youre eating, never eat to a point where you can no longer suck it in and feel your muscles working.

• brush yout teeth frequently, feelinf the taste of tooth paste will diminish your will to eat (?? works for me)

• baking soda + lemon for reflux and heartburn

• When possible, never eat past 7pm (if necessary for a social event, skip breakfast the next day)

- vacations are a social period. Dont eat alone, wake up late and dont eat breaksfast. You know you"ll be around people in the evening and there will be food and drinks.

• it will be hard. It will be hell. It will hurt. But it will also be worth it.

•

•

•

•••

Anyway just writing it down so i can revisite anytime. They're for personal use but feel free to follow these if any of them tips makes sense to you.

[yourbigendergremlet]

Here is a bunch of rambles ive vollected over a few months instead of posting them in seperate posts

Feeling dysphoric about my face not being masculine, putting my hair down because it makes me feel masculine, i hate hair in my face, all my headbands to hold my hair back have bows on it, rip off the bows, wear is like a sweatband

Manly ✨

Even if i was ever gonna come out to my family as bigender, they wouldn't just say it is terrible, they would just tell me that im making no sense because i am still female, a part of me is still that, but they just wouldn't get that a part of me is also male, they would just say it was a tomboy. If they continue to misgender me, they aren't exactly wrong because i am still female so calling me she/her is still not wrong so i cant get that angry about it

Feeling dysphoria? I just made a new album in my gallery and copied any images that made me feel like a guy into there and named it "i am a big strong beautiful manly man"

Felt like a guy today but went to church and was gonna sit in the mens side but then felt extremely uncomfortable so i went to the women's side but i also felt uncomfortable with myself there and aaaagh

Me making braclets with my pride flags but my family dont know that thy are pride flags because they dont know the bigender and genderfluid flags 😎

Complaining to my little brother about our mum not letting me buy men's clothes and freely shopping in the men's section with him because he has not yet been tainted by our parents and older sister's views and feeling amazing even though he still knows nothing about lgbt stuffs

Me thinking of a plan to ask my little brother what his views on the lgtvs are but descreetly so that if he doesnt like it he wont tell mother 0.0

Conversation switches to "lgbt people bad", me goes completely silent 0.0 me: "haha yeah thats weird..." when talked directly to desperately trying to switch topic while not outing myself

My sister wants to try new nail polish but already has some on so asks my little brother to do it on him, parents being like "nooo he's a boyyyy" and my sister being like "yeah guys wear nail polish now tho but he still isnt gonna be able to be a girl" and me being there like "yeah, he can put on nail polish" and internally screaming that guys can be girls if they are aaaa

Hahaha internalised transphobia :D for a while there

Me: am i actually genderfluid or am i actually bigender? Am i faking it? Am i pretending to relate to genderfluid and ftm trans people? Am i only just female and male or am i non binary also a bit??? Am i duel weilding my genders or am i fluctuating between them right now i have no clue??????? Is that why im feeling like thisssss???

Me going out somewhere, analysing how guys walk and act differently to girls and taking mental notes

Walking two steps like how people say guys walk and feeling absolutely on top of the world before going back to normal

Hoping im being subtle in trying to lower my voice so my family dont question it (and horribly failing at being subtle why is lowering your voice a bit so hard??)

Tumblr recomending me a suspicious amount of transgender posts before i had started properly questioning my gender or even thought about it

If i was a AMAB, being bigender would be so much easier becuase it's easier to just wear a skirt or dress and look distinctly feminine and then wear other stuff and look distinctly masculine but as a AFAB when you wear male clothes you still look female but who just bought something from the male section instead of looking like a guy

My mum speaking arabic and using the masculine versions of words for me as a joke but me internally pretending that she is using my correct pronouns 🥲

Me considering getting the school trousers so i can wear that sometimes instead of my skirt but also its my last year and no point spending money on uncomfortable trousers ill never wear again if its only for one year

So in church, women wear something called an isharba which is a headscarf meant to cover your hair to be modest.

Ive noticed that on days where im feeling like a girl, i can wear the isharba theoughout the mass but on days where im feeling like a guy i feel very uncomfortable wearing it and dont usually wear it in the mass. On some days i can wear it on and off throughout as well. It's intresting how my gender also effects something like wearing a head scarf, but i guess it can also be kinda like skirts in that sense? It was also a very subconcious feeling and even when i wasnt aware of what gender i was that day i would sometimes feel uncomfortable

Some days i feel more comfortable with the label bigender, and sometime im more comfortable with the label genderfluid and it's weird

Today im feeling more masculine, but also not fully so im more between he/they. But also there is a small twinge of feminine but only a small amount.

So i dont really feel like he/him, but i dont like they/them for myself, but then also im not he/she because there isnt a lot of she in me but im not he/him because i dont feel fully like a guy.

Im not none of them because i am all of them but to varying degrees to the extent where im not comfortable with any of the pronouns no matter how they are balanced. Idk? Are people just not meant to refer to me when i feel like this????

A very specific feeling i want to experience is wearing a dress while looking like a boy, i really want to have the feeling of being a cis boy wearing a dress so much

I didn't realise how important having facial and body hair was to me until my mum and sister kept saying that i should shave it. I really really love my body and facial hair and i really want even a small beard but my mum and sister made me shave my tiny moustache hairs and unibrow for christmas and tried to get me to shave my leg and arm hair and i feel super dysphoric without it being there anymore

That moment of delusion where i pretend to myself that the soft fabricy present my sister got for me was a binder and fantasise about it but its just a jumper in reality

My sister was talking about starfield and how stupid it was that you could put pronouns "why not just have it male and female lol" and i tried to laugh along but really just could not make it sound energetic and i felt kinda sick

Ive recently had the epithany that as a bigenderfluid person i am still allowed to be a femboy or a tomboy and that being feminine doesnt necessarily make me a girl that day and i am still a guy and-

[thisismeracing]

this is completely unrelated to what we talk about on this blog

but almost all of my purple nail polish (my favorites) are half full (some the point where there isnt enough product in the bottle to get it on the brush) and too thick to paint with

and i personally dont want to replenish cause i like having money in my account

why cant i have a cute f1 boy (mick) to complain to about this and him in response just hand me his card

anyways on my way to amazon to scope out new lavender and lavender adjacent polishes

☕

completely related bc we talk about anything and everything 🫶🏾 (our obsession w f1 drivers its just a tiny detail)

Its so painful when the bottle is half full especially if there’s nail polish but not enough to paint all ten fingers ugh I feel for you, C!

😭😭😭🤚🏾 he would get that monthly plan from amazon and every month you would get your shades and bottles

[4town4lyfe]

feelings at the cabin, chapter one - Escape 2 Solitude

so some clarifying things, this story is in imanis pov

my age 4 the band

jesse - 26

aaron z - 23

aaron t - 23

robaire - 22

imani - 22

tae young - 18

Aaron Z is referred to as 'Z'

Aaron T is referred to as 'Aaron'

dont wanna spoil so early but this is gonna turn into aaron t x imani x aaron z, kk?

also, this is set in modern times, the band concept is y2k and late 90s early 00s, so nothing changed about them except the time period

aaron t and imani r in an established relationship already, so i gotta do something to that lol

let me know if there r any mistakes or if u want me to either add something or take it out

ill only be writing on here cuz this is the only place i can find with active 4town lovrz lol

sorry if anything is out of character, i gotta do what i gotta do

enjoy reading :)

Every December, we go to the cabin to get away from the fame and prying eyes of the paparazzi and crazed fans, spend time with one another, and have a sense of peace.

As much as I love our fans, it gets overwhelming, and our trips each year give us some solace among one another.

This year was supposed to be like every year. But it wasn’t. Something was threatening to tear us apart, and I couldn’t help but feel it would be my fault. 

As we drive farther and farther away from the city, I can feel my heart pounding. Why do I feel so nervous? 

I turn my music up in my ears to drown out the worry I feel. I glance over at Aaron T, who is  already staring at me. Staring at me with a loving look, he places his hand on mine and pecks me on my cheek. 

He starts to tell me a joke, and I can’t help but to laugh. He was always so funny and kind. He still is, I’ll never not think that. As he nods off to sleep, I look at him, his freckles more apparent and his cute curly hair that is slightly messy. 

But I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Something is wrong with me? But what? I.. I don’t know. Maybe it’s this bus, with all six of us in here, it’s a little cramped, maybe that’s it. 

I feel my stomach growl. Maybe I’m just hungry. Or tired. “Everything’s fine.” I tell myself as I admire my boyfriend as he snoozes away, snoring softly. My eyes wander around the bus. 

There’s Tae Young, making his little stuffed bunny dance to the music on the radio. He always takes Byeol on our trips, she’s like a comfort to him, I guess. Nothing wrong with that. 

Tae loves these trips, mainly because he can get away from his father. His father doesn’t deserve Tae Young as a son, he’s so sweet and kind, but all his father sees is the nail polish and the singing.

I don’t like his father, his mother either. They don’t like the idea of their son being a singer, but I’m so proud of him for continuing to pursue his dreams and follow his heart.

I glance at Jesse, his hair slightly blowing in the wind since he has his window down, before Robaire tells him to roll it up. I don’t know why Jesse likes the cold, it’s like he’s Elsa in disguise. 

Jesse is like the father of the group, mainly to Tae, but also me. Me and Robaire never had a father in our life, having walked out, not wanting his kids to be singers.

So, our mother tried to make us be anything but singers, neglecting the love and attention you need from your mother. 

Then the money came in once we got signed as 4*TOWN, then she was all with it. But she’s always treated me different then Robaire.

I zone out for a little bit, thinking about my childhood, when I feel someone tapping my knee, I look up and it’s Aaron Z, nodding his head toward Robaire, who is turned toward me. Wait, so is Jesse and Tae, why are they staring? 

I take off my headphones and put them down beside me. “What’s wrong?” I question, confused as to why everyone, except Aaron T of course since he’s such a heavy sleeper, is looking at me.

“I called you like four times!” Robaire says with a hint of annoyance to his voice. “What? You know I had my headphones on.” I say, I always tell people I can’t hear them with my headphones on, and they don’t seem to get it.

“Someones gotta go into grab snacks? You’re the designated one, you hit your head or something?” Robaire says as if it was obvious, gesturing to the gas station we stopped at. 

“I didn’t hit my head.’’ I say, I don’t know why he thinks I hit my head, if I did, I wouldn’t be talking. Would I? I didn’t even realize we stopped anyways. “What do you guys want?” I ask, hesitantly ripping out a sheet from my sketchbook.

I look out to get a closer look at the gas station, this is a different one than what we usually stop at. Why do we have to go to a new place? I don’t even know what they have here!

But I know they won’t just leave because I don't like it, so I get everyones requests down with a small frown, my day feeling a little worse than before. I pull on my disguise, just a hoodie, a toque, and sunglasses, and climb over Aaron Z to get out, he leans back a little so it’s easier.

I look down at my list as I walk into the gas station, the door automatically opening with a welcoming ding. I go down one by one, first is Aaron T, I already know what he wants so I didn’t have to wake him up, it’s a hassle to. 

I walk down the aisles, he usually gets the big bag of nacho Doritos, a Mountain Dew, and a bag of… I reach up to a shelf, got them, Dubble Bubble bubblegum, I always steal some of his, so I grab the biggest bag I can. I drop them in the basket. 

Next is Z. He’s a simple guy, salted plantains and a Coke. Hard to find plaintains, especially in a gas station, but I surprisingly find them. I drop them in my basket and think about what I want. Wait, gotta go through the list.

Next up is… I glance back down at my list. Tae. Haribo Berries, Hi-Chews, and a Minute Maid, pink lemonade flavor. He really likes fruit flavored things, I can’t judge, but I'm more of a chocolate girl. I place them in my basket and look down at my list, when I notice two women about my age, oddly close to me beginning to whisper. 

Great.

I walk out of that aisle as quick as I can, looking back down at my list. Next up is Jesse. He’s like an old man sometimes, all he wants is beef jerky, and a diet Pepsi. Not my taste, but again, I cant judge. I know Robaire is next, all he wants is a big bag of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles, and a Coke.

Yay, my turn! I always get the same thing at gas stations, a Pepsi, a bag of chips I’m feeling in that moment, tonight will be… I scan the rows and rows of chips, before landing on a bag of Takis. Spice is nice. I grab them, before going back to the candy aisle to grab me a Hershey's chocolate bar. 

As I grab the chocolate bar and set my basket on the counter, I feel a finger tap me on my shoulder. I turn to see those two girls from earlier, but as I turn, their faces distort from excitement to disappointment.

“Can I help you?” I say, waiting for the seemingly dumbfounded girls to say something so I can leave and I can get away. 

One of the girls look at me with a weird expression, seemingly disgusted. The other girl speaks up. “Sorry, we thought you were Robaire.” She says, her voice seeming disappointed with a hint of frustration. 

I don’t see it when people say me and Robaire look alike, we only have similar eye color, but thats about it. I have two beauty marks, he has one, I have thinner eyebrows, and he has thicker.

“Where is he, anyways? He's here somewhere, don’t lie. We want to see Robaire, not you.” The other girl says, her voice coming off as stuck up and rude. The other girl jabs her arm into the mean girls shoulder, causing her to wince.

“Sasha, don't be rude!” She says as her face contorts into an angry one. “Oh, hush, Rebecca. You know we only like 4*TOWN for the guys, not her! Theyre called boy bands for a reason!” Sasha says, as if I'm not even here.

Just when I thought my night couldnt get any worse. I don't understand why they don’t like me, I didn’t even do anything to them…

I begin to zone out as the two argue. But then something snaps me out of my thoughts, just to put me down in another set of thoights.

“Aaron T should've broken up with you on your birthday!” Sasha yells out as the store owner shoos them out, quickly coming up to me to apologize, telling me that everything is on the house as he scans my items and bags them.

I start thinking about that day, how my anxiety got worse by just a little bit. Everything between me and Aaron started this year, August 4th, my 22nd birthday. It was a surprise party at our clubhouse, I got sent to pick up pizza, I though they had forgotten my birthday.

When I came back, I saw the Happy Birthday banner that made me momentarily happy, before I saw Aaron and our now former manager, Hailey, kissing.

Though now I should've known it wasn't consensual, seeing that Aaron had his eyes wide open in shock before gently but forcefully pushing her away, but in the moment, I couldn't tell if it was real or a nightmare.

I quickly dropped the pizza box on the coffee table before storming out, my shoes clacking, which alerted the guys, and also Aaron, who ran after me before being stopped by Robaire, asking what happened.

I felt a hand grabbing mine, it was Z. At ifrst, I couldn't talk at all, feeling too overwhelmed to do so, but as he engulfed me in his warm embrace, I began to calm down and explain what I saw. As I talked, he looked at me with an expression that made me feel something weird inside.

He was shocked and a little hurt to say the least, and was about to go get Aaron so he could get his side of the story, when i caught a glimpse of Aaron, watching me and Z hug with an unreadable expression. 

Aaron ran over and began to explain himself, although I can usually keep up with his sometimes fast talking, I couldnt this time and Z had to tell him to breath and slow down. They locked eyes for a second, and that weird feeling came back, though it felt a little different. I don't know why.

Why did I feel like that?

As Aaron explained and Hailey rudely told the truth, that she came on to him and not vice versa as he would never do such a thing in the first place, I still felt a pang in my chest. I felt hurt, even though Aaron would never hurt me, and it was just a misunderstanding.

Now it's December 1st, and me and Aaron are going great again, we got a new manager named Paul, he's radical. Although we should have fired Hailey right after that concert in Toronto with the crazy giant talking red panda women and the other talking red panda ladies, plus the smaller yet taller than me talking one, Meilin Lee was her name.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by the cashier, and I feel embarrassed. I pay and quickly walk out. Why did she have to bring that up, why would she say that? My day is terrible and I just want to get to the cabin so I can cry in peace.

I go back to the van and hop in the backseat, before being instantly bombarded with questions like “What took you so long?’’ and “What's wrong?”

I quietly hand everyone their correct snacks, giving out a weak “I’m fine, I'm just tired.” and hoping they will get that I don't want to talk right now. I then notice that Aaron is awake, looking at me with a slightly concerned expression, and he holds my face and wipes away my tears.

Tears?

I didn't realize that I was crying.

“What happened?” he asks me, his voice soft as he looks at me with wide eyes and furrowed brows. I just lean into him, handing him the bag with his snacks. “I dont want to talk about it right now.’’ i say, hoping I'm not coming off as rude.

I seemingly don't, as he pecks my forehead and holds me close. I decide to spend the rest of this drive sleeping, not feeling hungry for my snacks now after everything that has happened.

I can hear the faint Michael Buble playing on the radio as I rest my head on Aaron’s chest and drift away to the world of wondrous sleep.

[mdni]

crazy morning Kieran nation

so basically my stepmother was being my stepmother, she wanted me to wear this SPECIFIC shirt that's very floral and lacy and girly, which I obviously didn't wear because that's not my style, and BOY was she MAD about it. I wore a black shirt w black and red eyeshadow and black pants. my regular fit y'know. she fucking harassed me all morning trying to get me to wear that fucking shirt but I had no clue where it was, I literally looked all over for it because I was going to put it on then switch clothes at the last minute, but I literally just could not find it to which she replied "I don't care, you're putting it on and I'm tearing up all this black shit" and I didn't give in or anything, just kept wearing it, n she went off to do morning stuff.

just when I thought I was in the clear, she comes back and sees I'm still wearing my awesome fit. I was literally doing the finishing touches on my makeup when she decided to rummage through my closet and take out all of my black clothes and demanded that I take off my shirt, while insulting me and berating me, saying shit like "you're not goth and youre not a boy" n blah blah blah. she tore my makeup out of my hand and ran off with it, so I went and followed her to try to get it back from her. she fucking grabbed me by my face and started digging her fingers into my eyes to rub my eyeshadow off and I tore my head back out of her hands and she got PISSED and grabbed me by the hair, tore my head back, and punched me in the face. she stormed off with my makeup back to her room and I went back there to go get it, but she kept moving around and putting it out of reach, so I simply walked behind her and stuck my arm in the gap between her and the wall to get it. she would NOT give that shit back to me so I stormed out and just put on my black nail polish instead of the red that she stole. she said "you didn't buy this" and I literally DID with my own money.

she comes back to my room and THROWS the shit at me and is bitching around how "you're not going to defy me" "you're not a boy" "you're not goth you're just stupid" "who is influencing you to defy me" etc etc and she left, defeated

the BEST part of this is how she said "you're not gonna fucking come at me"

i said "I didn't even touch you, I went around you to get my shit" and she said "you came at me, it was aggressive" IT WAS NOT AGGRESSIVE AT ALL??? I LITERALLY WENT AROUND HER TO AVOID BEING AGGRESSIVE BECAUSE UNLIKE HER I DONT HAVE THE MATURITY OF AN 11 YEAR OLD AND I DONT WANT TO FIGHT??? but she claimed I was being aggressive and defying her rules and whatever the fuck but I got my makeup back and yes I'm wearing the fit and all in all I won. which I've never really done before

my voice was shaking and I was very nervous but I didn't give in to the bitch this time, I told her I wasn't going to be treated like a child but expected to act like an adult and she knew I was making her look like an ass so she decided to get physical with me. it feels so good to be dominant about myself and say "no, I'm not going to do this. I'm an 18 year old adult and I'm not playing dress up games with you."

im a bit scared to really actually defend myself properly though because when she puts her hands on me she gets really aggressive and busts my lip open a lot, I even have permanent bruising from things shes done to me and I don't think I can get in trouble for defending myself from that but if I do decide to fight back she could and would just kick me out of the house again and I don't have anywhere to go or anything so I'd just be putting myself and my family in danger by fighting back. but it feels so good to get a little sample of "no." y'know what I mean

also, might as well add what she said to me 2 or 3 days ago 🥴 for context there's this guy we know who apparently punished a 3 year old kid who isnt his by pissing in his drink and slapping his dick across the kids face, and when my stepmutha told me this my mouth went slack and just hung open and y'know how sometimes you hear something that so deeply horrifies you all you know how to do is just smile? well yeah I was extremely disturbed by hearing that (as I'm sure you are by reading that) and my lips kind of went up on their own and I tried to make them stop but I couldn't. anyway my stepmother says "I know you think thats funny, I can tell because of the look on your face. you probably want to get a dick put on you so that you can put it on a little kid, you sick fuck"

i ❤ being trans and being equated to a pedophile !!!!!!

anyway I was so extremely offended by that statement (being trans and also a csa survivor) that I just screamed "WHAT???" and she laughed and I fucking went to my room n just sat in there for a while totally not triggered and having flashbacks on my bed :D

so how was your guys' morning

[that-one-girls-blog-posts]

girly/-girl🎀

because no matter what you like, you're never doing it right

I don't play about my girly girl things, I'm gonna reclaim all that shit! yes I am girl, I like my shallow hobbies I like my shallow thoughts and I'm gonna prove you wrong about them again and again

indulge or look down upon but girl beware to them I'm worth just as much as you are!

I'm sensitive, I have an eye for visuals and aesthetics, my makeup is art, I like my basic music, the lyrics get me, my impractical styling the fake, the fixed, the plastered and caked, all a calming ritual reminding me of beauty throughout the day

I let them dump all their "at least she can walk in them heals", "those nails probably make great weapons","she does have the body for that dress","I bet that hair and makeup took her hours"and"oh what an interesting outfit" 's on me!

let them go to bed with the satisfaction that they are better than me while I close my eyes and smile at all the stupidly girl things that make me happy

I let them feel satisfied with their wit when I uncomfortably smile at those backhanded compliments and I feel satisfied with my heart for not coming up with a single mean thing to come back with, because I can see beyond my interests!

your looks are cool, your words are cool, your thoughts are cool, and your girls so cool and important and not just accepted or tolerated but celebrated, not like those other girls, not like me, at least not right now, when we need them smart instead of sexy, because ofcourse both doesn't exist

but no! keep looking down at us with your normal life and mature behavior and proper ways, you with your artsy sporty smarty lifestyle, your games and books and fancy equipment, which "DONT TOUCH you're gonna break it, just go back to brushing your hair!" which "oh you're into that book? I bet the boys like that about you!" which "ugh just try harder princess and the pea!" and there will be pretty pink pop culture fashionista which "no makeup can fix this", "no glow up make you right", "you're not girly enough to be girl", "no letting you in until you've consumed all we did already so long ago"

be girly or be reasonable, madonna or whore, girls fight no more, be shallow or deep, Lilith or eve, it doesn't matter what you like because girl you're never doing it right, smart or dumb cause that's what that is

girls can't do make up and science fair CHOOSE

girls can't read romance and classics CHOOSE

girls can't like videogames and shopping CHOOSE

so you do and you do it wrong only girly girls like shopping, only sporty girls can run, only smart girls know history

if your hobby is skincare or reading or something else, it's valid, it's not a hobby, it's right, it's wrong and useless and helpful and beautiful and ridiculous and shallow and deep depending on the observer because it's girl!

but all our hobbies are ruined by machines you support capitalism and small peoples dreams, the products made by brands instead of innovative minds, you empower some and you hurt others, the books made of tropes instead of plots, the projects about honor instead of encouraging curiosity, the matches about money instead of skills and play

so there might never be no taking eachothers hand and showing them what girl is like, no loving eachother because we're all right, in this conversation, too different, not all the same but maybe someday aware that the problem was never girl and always system

they applaud intellect by calling others stupid, and drool at the overstyled you're not supposed to be like

my friend does math like no one else so quick and easy and always right but when she wears a dress they laugh all night, I do my math counting with nail polishes and stuffed animals but they see my dress and it's me they wanna dance with, now look at it from one side or the other, they deem both of us worthless none better than the other

by simply liking the things I like, I've been called silly, ditzy and shallow, girly all my life but hobbies are hobbies no matter if you disagree! coffee runs and hearts on my notes and trying new hairstyles, I wear my ribbons and glitter and "fakestuff" while impressing you with knowledge you thought "someone like me" couldn't posess, knowledge which you still explain slow and easy back to me not because I didn't get it but because you never will

girl isn't ditzy, girl isn't pointless, girl isn't too stupid to understand! it's misogyny not respecting women and tainting the term girl with their lack of taking me seriously

and one more word to be perfectly clear "girls" and "girly girls" and "non girly girls" and "girly not girls" if things are bad as they often are, and no one will accept you not even one of us, be confident, embrace and accept, only you have the power to truly validate yourself

[cicidraws]

For your Ice King crown, one idea for the gems could be try adding a layer or two of clear nail polish. The shinyness could help make it look more like actual gems

i dont have clear nail polish or money to get any atm :<

i usually use mod podge to get the shine and protect them. i know how to make gems when i Do have the supplies. unfortunately this was my only option. good idea tho u0u does make a good shine.

[froggytimemachineinternet]

some pretty asks :]

@boygenuiss, this is your ask list, im just doing it weird because i had half the questions answered when i realised i hadn't rebloged :[

Is there anyone youd do anthing for? my brother mal. for the sake of being cringe i will not be tagging them. \

what facinates you? astrophysics and the persuit of knowledge, and the application of knowledge

favorite artists? Hozier, and Barbara Levalle (a painter)

what outfit makes you feel most confidant? clothes were i feel as though i am fully covered. (leather/denim) it makes me feel safe

favorite flower? Alaskan SalmonBerry. its the flower im named after

favorite season? Fall. before i moved down to the lower 48, i had never seen fall. it lasted about 2 weeks, if you were lucky, where i grew up.

favorite movie/tv show? i really enjoyed Fairy tail, however i am a hardcore mlp show. i watched the shit outta that as a kid

favorite color? dark raspberry, but the kind you see in a ruby.

infatuation/first crush? a boy in my kindergarten class named Darius, he ended up bullying me later on though. RIP

How long do you sleep on average? As a person with clinical insomnia, not much and the stuff i get isnt very good

what celebrity do i look like? i have never had somone tell me i look like someone

whats your favorite scent? settling cheesecake, i make it homeade and nothing smells better than a cheesecake while its still batter

Pets? i have had 3 in my life. 1 passed away when i was a child, the other 2 are seniors and living their best life.

what color is your hair natually? what color would you die it? I have dark brown hair, that kinda shines yellow. i would die the ends of my hair forest green

do you have a good relationship with your parents? no. neither of them, or my siblings.

do you take a yearly vacation? i do not have that kinda money

biggest fear? not being strong enough to keep myself safe/not being able to outlast my disablity.

are you taken? no. i have chronically low rizz

what do you wear to bed? lounge wear, the comphy clothes i wear around the house.

best feeling youve ever exsperienced? i dont really have any? i lost a shit ton of my memories due to ptsd. so, im sure im gonna make some good memories, later on in life

whats your skincare routine? i wash my face with bar soap and water, whenever i wear makeup. otherwise i just kinda leave my face alone.

best gift youve ever recieved? as a child i got a lightsaber for christmas, after thinking i wouldnt get it because i was a girl. (i really should have noticed i was trans a while before i did)

favorite book? its a toss up between Skullduggery Pleasent and Septimus Heap. and an honorable mention to Pride and Prejudice.

do you have a garden? plants? nope, i live in an apartment and the plants draw in bugs, no sir.

dream destination? ive always wanted to live in Iceland! far, far away free to be someone outside of the shit ive dealt with

best subject? math. for sure math. once i understand the material i fly through it. i would say that science is my favoite subject, considering im planning on becoming an Astrophysist.

do you want kids? no, never, i woudnt be a good parent and i dont wanna bring kids into this world anyway, this place sucks. esp wher i live lol

whats your sexuality? im bi-romantic, and asexual.

do you prefer loose or baggy clothes? i prefer to wear soft heavy clothes. unfortuanly i live in the south. so no warmth for me. well. to much warmth rather

nail polish? i am currently wearing cobalt blue! i like wearing bold colors when i actually do wear it.

if you could travel to any time period, when would it be and why? i would travel far back to when my native tribe hadnt been decimated. so i could see what my ancestors, my family, actually did. the truth is hard to find after they (genocide perpatrators) tried to bury it all.

do you want/have tattoos and peircings? i want another 2 lobe peircings, and i might get some other ear ones! i am a coward however. i am planning on getting a Tlingit (my tribe) story tatooed on my back, and im also going to get some salmonberry flowers on my neck, surrounding my head/neck like a necklace!

tag list (feel free to ignore if you guys dont wanna do it)

@grandwretch you're my first mutual btw :]

@antipasto-the-theif @puffin-smoke @anunmarkedface @no-see-um-incorrect @new-kanon @bagelbucket @psychethebutterfly