#think i just wanted to stick with cartoony rather than real and just work with what i have

[cicidraws]

For your Ice King crown, one idea for the gems could be try adding a layer or two of clear nail polish. The shinyness could help make it look more like actual gems

i dont have clear nail polish or money to get any atm :<

i usually use mod podge to get the shine and protect them. i know how to make gems when i Do have the supplies. unfortunately this was my only option. good idea tho u0u does make a good shine.

[aloeverified]

i’m curious do u have any headcanons abt wayne and raj… they are the characters ever

yes 💪

their fullnames are raj kapoor & wayne graham (the most candian name ever for the most candian character ever).

wayne was always way taller than raj growing up, but now they're roughly around the same height. it's just not obvious to most people since wayne wears boots and raj sticks with his trusty converse. raj is just pushing 5'10 and wayne's a little over 5'11.

raj has two younger siblings who are twin brother and sister and are much younger than he is. wayne is an only child, but their families are so intertwined that they basically consider him their older brother too.

they're juniors in high school (assuming that's how it works in canada, too lazy to google it rn) and are about seventeen. they don't look or act super young, but they still got the "when i'm older" type of vibe that most people who are right about to graduate don't really have.

they've been best friends for a while, but not quite childhood best friends. i think they met during gym class of sixth grade and just instantly hit it off due to their shared interests in sports and humor.

raj's parents are first generation immigrants so they're not completely fluent in english and have a bit of an accent when they talk. since his moms raised him to be the most highly of gentlemen, wayne asked raj to teach him a bit of telugu so he could make polite conversation with them whenever he came over without all the pressure being on them. that was his first step to almost being immediately adopted by them.

this actually caused them to both realize they really enjoy studying languages. they continued studying telugu together, with raj tutoring wayne. wayne also decided to take up french classes early, and raj had his parents sign him up to learn the basics of other southern indian languages they knew. they both view this as a helpful skill for when they're international hockey stars, of course.

they live in a decently smaller-sized town, so despite not being neighbors, they still find a way to be at each other's house every other day. they switch off depending on what they're feeling, and their parents learned to accept that they're a package deal that comes and goes whenever they please.

since his parents discovered he was gay through the show rather than raj actually coming out to him, they — along with wayne's moms — thought it would be funny to turn his coming home party from the show into a coming out party as well. raj realized this when he cut into the cake and it was rainbow inside.

his family was very adamant about showing raj how supportive they are. he wasn't sure why, as their best friends were a lesbian couple and his best friend was the son of said couple, but they still repeatedly told him how proud of him they were and how much they loved him. the only pushback he received was his nani complaining about how he wasn't allowed to date until he was thirty and that this bowie boy was ruining that.

teacher hate these two. they never shut up in class, will ditch their assigned partners to work with each other, never get their work done, and yet still manage to have good grades (because they know they won't be able to play otherwise). no one understands how they do it.

they always have the most over-the-top cartoony outfits for spirit weeks. even the asb and student council kids find it embarrassing how much school spirit they have.

besides their accidental menace behavior, they never actually get into any real trouble at school. the only time they've ever gotten suspended was when wayne wanted to test his new padding gear and rammed himself into the lockers at full force and nearly killed himself while raj recorded.

because of their ridiculous stunts they like to post, wayne has a bit of a following on social media. he doesn't really do it to be an influencer or for attention or anything, he just likes being able to look back on all the fun moments he and rajie have together. that's one of the reasons they were so eager to be on total drama, to showcase their awesome friendship and have the tapes of all their fun challenges together.

they work part-time at the local ice rink, where they were able to land jobs due to their skills on the ice. they even work the same shift most of the time since they have the same availability hours, although they switch off between standing behind the counter and supervising on the ice. sometimes they both get to help out with the little league hockey teams, though, which they both really enjoy.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-4th Place

To anyone who plans on making a reboot of their favorite show in the future, you might want to take notes on this next pick. Because if you ask me, this next series that I'm going to talk about is the best example of how to do a reboot properly.

#4-Ducktales (2017-2021)

The Plot: Scrooge McDuck is the richest duck in the world, who made it big by also being one of the greatest adventurers of all time...ten years ago. Sadly, after an unfortunate accident with the family, Scrooge is forced to live the life of a normal businessman-er-duck. Up until Donald Duck asks Scrooge to watch over his nephews: Huey, Dewey, and Louie. What starts off as a single day of babysitting soon turns into a life of adventure as Scrooge gets back into the adventuring spirit to show his new family what the world really has to offer.

Now I want to make one thing clear: As of the moment of me writing this review, I have seen a total of zero episodes of the original Ducktales. That being said, despite my limited knowledge of the series, I still think it’s fair of me to point out how this is hands down the best reboot as of late (and I’ll explain more as to why that is later). And besides, from what I’ve heard from fans who have watched the original, Ducktales (2017) is a pretty faithful adaptation of the beloved franchise. The reason is that I believe this show remembers the two most important rules of making a reboot.

The first rule of a reboot is to try something new while still being faithful to the source material. Doing something like that is simple as a writer just needs to keep what the fans love and change what they hated. And trust me when I say that the writers of Ducktales (2017) knows how to do just that. For the most part, the show is about a family going on crazy globe-trotting adventures while still learning that family is the best adventure of all, much like the original. As for the characters, most of them keep their fun personalities. Scrooge is still a stingy miser with the heart for adventure, Launchpad is still the lovable idiot who can’t fly a plane, and Donald Duck still remains the one who gets stuck with all the bad luck. Then some characters have their personalities/roles revamped into something that improves upon the original. The best example is Fenton, who is still the wannabe superhero but is now a scientist in this show, wherein the old one was just Scrooge’s accountant. This way, both the hero and the man-DUCK-who’s behind the mask are equally capable of saving the day. There’s also Mrs. Beakley, who was originally a nanny that nagged Scrooge’s ear off for putting the kids in danger. In the reboot, she’s treated more as the anchor of reality to the more oddball characters, who also used to be a kick-butt super spy in her younger years. It is still the same role, but a different interpretation.

Now, some characters receive grand changes to their original personalities. But from what I’ve heard, those changes are made for the better. And there are no characters that need it more than the children. More specifically, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. This show does something that I’m eternally grateful for, and that’s giving each of these three their own distinct personalities and quirks. For years I couldn’t for the life of me tell the triplets apart. They had the same design, the same voice, the same personality, and the only difference people had to go off of are their different colors (which really didn’t do much to help). Here, they have different designs, voices, and now defining character traits for each of them. Huey is the smart and responsible boy scout, Dewey is the annoying attention seeker, and Louie is the best character in the entire show, and I WILL FREAKING FIGHT YOU ON THAT! And let us not forget the most appreciated change: Webby. From what I’ve heard, fans hated the original Webby, as she was nothing more than just the stereotypical girl of the group. Here, she’s given an actual personality and a fun one to boot. Webby is the ecstatic thrill-seeking adventurer who is skilled in combat training (thanks to her grandma) and is (of course) a socially awkward girl who wants to make friends. Like I said, this show took the idea that the fans hated and changed it into something that they’ll love. Which makes sense why the writers mastered this because they themselves are real fans of the show.

It is clear how much the writers are fans of the Ducktales franchise as they filled Ducktales (2017) with many references. And not just references to the original series but also references to the classic comics by Carl Barks and even the NES video game from the 1980s (seriously, this show will make you feel things about the “Moon Theme” you wouldn’t think was possible!). Even the show’s animation seems to be a homage to both the cartoon and comics. Not only do the characters and backgrounds have a more comic book style to them, but the characters also work on a mix of realistic and cartoony logic. And let me just say, it is refreshing to see characters in a Disney show have cartoon logic to them since Wander Over Yonder got canceled. And it’s not just Ducktales that the series reference, but even classic Disney movies (of course) and other shows in the Disney Afternoon lineup. And when it comes to these references, it’s more than just a subtle wink to the fans. The writers actually go out of their way to write a story around these beloved characters, so people who don’t get the joke won’t be one-hundred percent lost. For instance, without giving anything away, the writers found a brilliant way to reintroduce Darkwing Duck in this universe that feels right for this famous character. And if you ask me personally, these are the best ways to handle references for a reboot. Make them work within the story, even if you don’t fully get the joke.

This brings me to the second most important rule of a reboot: Make a quality product even though it is based on something else. Let us pretend that the original never existed. Would Ducktales (2017) still be as good as it is now? Personally, as a person who has never seen the original, I think it is.

This is another show that mixes slice of life episodes with adventure ones, similar to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. And just like Friendship is Magic, both are equally interesting because the characters themselves make them so. No matter what situation the Duck Family are in, the audience will care about it because the characters care about it. In fact, I think Ducktales (2017) handles the mix of slice of life and adventure much better than Friendship is Magic. In MLP: FiM, the adventure-based episodes force the characters to stick to their simple personality traits to move the story forward, and character-based ones help them grow. In Ducktales (2017), because the characters regularly go on adventures, they grow as characters no matter the situation. For example, my favorite episode is “The Great Dime Chase” where the main plot is Louie finding Scrooge’s #1 dime after accidentally spending it. While in that same episode, Dewey and Webby try to solve a mystery around the boys’ mom. We get a great lesson about the importance of hard work and a fascinating plot of an overarching mystery within the season, all taking place within the same episode. Both are interesting, neither feels as though it overshadows the other, and the characters develop along the way.

Another thing this show mixes well is comedy and drama. A lot of shows recently tried way too hard to find that perfect mix. Ducktales (2017) is one of the few examples that nails it. The comedy is hilarious, the drama is endearing, and neither feels like it’s prioritized over the other. The show starts off with this mix as well, where others that I’ve talked about seem to start off as purely comedic only to take themselves more seriously later on. That isn’t entirely a bad thing, but I feel as though Ducktales (2017) is the best way to go about the method. That way, fans won’t be complaining about how much “better” the show used to be in its first batch of episodes, much like Star V.S. the Forces of Evil.

Unfortunately, while I recommend this show, it’s not without its fair share of issues. Or rather, issue, as there really is only one problem I have with it. And that problem can be summed up with one name: Dewey Duck. For the most part, I dislike Dewy. Because he’s nothing more than a Ben Schwarts character. No disrespect to Ben Schwarts himself, but lately, it feels as though he only plays the one character from time to time: The egotistical attention seeker slowly and surely learning to be a better person who realizes that not everything is about him. That’s the character he plays in both Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sonic the Hedgehog (2020), and it’s the character he plays here. And the thing about these characters is that they’re not as lovable as Ben Schwarts thinks they sound. In fact (and, again, I mean no disrespect to the actor. I’m sure he’s a lovely person in real life), every single one of these characters comes off as kind of annoying rather than as the lovable rapscallions I’m sure they’re meant to be. However, there is one thing worth mentioning about Dewey. While he’s portrayed as annoying when used for comedy, Dewey is surprisingly a compelling character when used for drama. The thing is, he’s rarely used for dramatic moments and is meant as a source of comedy. Hence why I said I disliked him for the most part.

Other than that, there aren’t really that many problems with the show. Well, there are, but they’re mostly nitpicks that the series more than makes up for. Is it weird that the kids are voiced by adults? Yes, but the actors do a great job at being sincere and have great comedic timing than any kid could have. Are there changes to characters that fans might not enjoy? Probably, but I have yet to have seen anyone that has annoyed me as much as Dewey has. Are the villains just evil for the sake of being evil? Yes, but that’s not really a big deal. In fact, a villain doesn’t need a heartbreaking backstory as to why they’ve become so evil. They just need to have a great personality that’s fun to watch, which every villain in the show has (aside from season two’s antagonist who’s basically a Disney surprise villain. And I hate them with a fiery passion). Does it feel as though the show suffers from “too many characters” syndrome? It sometimes does, but each character has such a fun and unique personality that I find it hard to forget most of them.

So really, Ducktales (2017) is the best reboot in recent memory. This is crazy, seeing as how lately it feels as though Disney doesn’t even know how to properly reboot their own movies to save their lives. This is why I feel as though people should take notes on what Ducktales (2017) does if they ever feel like rebooting something they loved as a kid. Because this is more than just a retelling of the same story that people know by heart. This is a fantastic show with even better characters, stories, and tone. Whether you’ve been a fan since the beginning, or a part of the new generation of viewers, odds are you’ll be screaming Whoo-Ooo with every episode.

(Also, a word of warning to those who haven’t watched the show yet: Beware the theme song. Trust me when I say it’ll be stuck in your head until the day you die)

[jackdawyt]

I am beyond privileged to share my very Early Access impressions of The Waylanders, thanks to the developers at Gato Studio who gave me an early key. 

The Waylanders is a party-based RPG set in the Celtic and Medieval eras, inspired by classics like Dragon Age: Origins, Neverwinter Nights 2, and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I’ve only played the first 10 hours of this game, and I’ve fallen for it. It’s very apparent that the developers of The Waylanders love Dragon Age. And so, to anyone who loves Dragon Age, will love The Waylanders.

I’ve played prologue and the very few early hours of the game which are in early access, meaning there’s plenty of work that needs to be done and nothing in the game is final. However, I was able to get an amazing feel for what the finished game will look like, and believe me when I say, this is the Dragon Age successor we’re all looking for.  

Character

Upon starting the game, you’re taken to a very recognizable character creator, clearly inspired by Dragon Age: Origins. You can choose between a male/female body, four races, six classes, and then an origin story based on each of those choices.  

The races in Waylanders are rather distinct, as opposed to traditional DND races like elves, humans and dwarves. Here we have the choice between human, werewolf, mourian and semi-fomorian.  

The classes are rather straight forward, each of them have unique weapons, abilities and features. As an example, Rangers have the Pets feature which allows them to have animal companions, and Sorcerers can teleport using their specific magic feature.  

You can customise your character with a few hairstyles, facial types, different skin tones, eye, hair and facial hair colours.  

You can then apply more points into your statistics based on your race and class. And the final aspect of customisation is your identity, where you choose your name, pronouns and voice.  

The voice is just for grunting noises in combat, I believe the game follows a silent protagonist so you can make up your own voice.  

After making those final decisions, you’re given a cute lore character summary, backing up each choose you’ve made for your PC. Now your adventure can begin.  

Story

The story is told through a plentiful of cutscenes and long dialogue interactions, of course, just what Dragon Age fans love. I found each of them engaging and I was hooked from the start really.  

I’ve played the prologue twice, and a few blocked out side quests that are still in very early alpha. The story starts with the Spanish Celtic tribes arriving at Ireland to meet and convey a union with their gods. However, things don’t go according to plan, as you can imagine.  

What’s fascinating about The Waylanders compared to Dragon Age for example, is that the lore is steeped in Irish and Spanish folk lore. We discover many legends like ‘The Tuatha Dé Danann’. Which means ‘the tribe of the gods’ in Old Gaelic. It’s exciting lore that actually exists in some of the real world’s sub-cultures today.

The setting of the game is based in medieval Galicia, which is in Spain. The developers are actually from Spain, the stories they’re telling throughout The Waylanders are tales each of them has grown up with.  

I won’t say much more on the main story, other than the protagonist has a mystery that reminds me of Kingdoms Of Amular Reckoning. Of course, another stellar RPG that takes pinches from Dragon Age: Origins.  

The plot seems to surround a lot of time travel themes, going forward and back in time, with many choices and consequences taking effect from your decisions.

As a whole, the writing is excellent. And that’s expected due to the fact that Chris Avellone, best known for writing Fallout: New Vegas, took the helm. Alongside with him, Ex-Telltale's Emily Grace Book who’s the fabulous Narrative Lead.  

Not to mention Mike Laidlaw aided to team with his creative vison to “create a high-level narrative and to structure the game and the story.”

And if that’s not enough, Dragon Age veteran Inon Zur composed the soundtrack of The Waylanders too, which is just beautiful.  

I want to share more about the main characters. So far, they’re compelling, even in just the first hour, I found myself latching onto each of them, with their many different personalities.

In my opinion, the dialogue holds the game up, I found myself engaging in every single conversation I could, interacting with every character. I’d say my favourite character so far is Nazhedja. Naz for short.

She’s very intriguing! Being a mourian, she’s immortal, though she composes herself as a charming and relatable individual.  

The voice cast is amazing and familiar with the likes of Simon Templeman, known for playing Loghain in Dragon Age taking the role of the Celtic Druid Amergin. Personally, as a Brit, I fell in love with hearing so many of my countries’ varying accents.

And apparently there will absolutely be romance in the game, however, it’s not in the alpha stages. But we can all look forward to that!  

Gameplay

The Waylanders gameplay centres on building up the narrative, there’s an emphasis on interactive conversations. You’ll spend a fair amount of time asking questions and getting to know each of the characters in this world, building bonds and shaping the story.  

The game has a linear feel to it, however, once the prologue is done, you can explore many of the hub areas. Very much like Dragon Age: Origins. The world is lush to explore, and the art style is fantastic. It has a cartoony feel to it.  

While exploring the stunning areas, you can switch the camera’s placement for a more isometric feel, or stick to a more third person feel, whatever suits your playstyle. This is an amazing quality of life feature, that I think other games like this need to adopt.  

There’s a huge codex, which updates frequently after conversations. It’s a wonderful touch, I spent plenty of time reading each of the characters and their backstories.  

Combat

The combat is rough around the edges and it can be hard to properly aim and target your opponents. Too often I’d cast a spell at an offensive enemy, and I’d accidently click and switch to my warrior companion who’s bashing the same enemy in the face.  

You can have up to five party companions at a time. And there are these grouped up attacks you can do as a squad called formations. You band together and attack. It works like a charm.  

The combat does feel very identical to Dragon Age: Origins, even down to the animations of fighting and how long it takes to fire a spell, or shoot an arrow from a bow.  

One of the developers gave me a few console commands for my stream, and I was able to see what animal pets we could have, I was very surprised with the amount of animal companions you can have. There’s even a dragon!  

Each of the classes prove to be very unique, in my two playthroughs, I played as a Sourcer and a Rogue. I loved the individual features each class provides whether it’s a passive or an actual ability, each class have dynamic ways to stand out. And of course, if you’re undecided which class to play, Waylanders is a party-based RPG, you’ll always have a companion with a different class you can switch to and play as.  

Summary

In summary, judging the early hours of The Waylanders, the game has very reminiscent systems and gameplay that anyone who’s played Dragon Age will find themselves familiar with. However, the game has proven itself to be original with its engaging story, intriguing characters and unique lore.  

Of course, the game is in its early access alpha stages, and there are plenty of bugs and things that need further improvement. But I can see the heart and passion that has gone behind this game, and that’s what I’ve grown to like about this game.  

I’d say to anyone who’s a huge fan of Dragon Age: Origins, why not go and give The Waylanders a shot. The game launches on Steam’s Early Access store on June 16th, support this game as it grows throughout development, and releases as an epic Dragon Age successor.  

[semi-imaginary-place]

rewatching decadence

ep1: so... indoctrinating kids that they life their life in service to an upper class. also like, the way deca dence takes care of giant gadoll is to punch it like no giant sword or laser canon or anything just the power of a giant mountain sized fist. this show actually has some good foreshadowing from seeing Natsume from the perspective of Kaburagi’s hud, to Natsume’s dad (Muno) finding the Solid Quake logo at the beginning of the episode and the logo again being shown in the last shot at the announcement signs off with have a profitable day which is a weird public safety announcement but makes sense as a company slogan. I’m still not sure what the “TIME 1:00  POINT SE,07,G” means. I didn’t write it down last time because I was unsure of myself, but my first thought when the cyborgs showed up was VR chatroom for the upper class.

ep2: yeahs that’s totally an advertisement that plays right after natsume realizes the human costs of war as the tankers pay respects to the fallen. I realized what it was with the cartoony designs, the bright colors and patterns, the funky shapes of all the structures aboard the space ship, it looks like a tv show for toddlers. inoffensive and deliberately cheerful to distract from the horrors of a corporation owning your person. the eng subtitles are confusing here it should be “real death(simulation) awaits” in that the company is advertising being able to experience death but not have any of its permanent consequences as a feature of the game. The cyborgs are corporate wage slaves being compensated for their labor in company credits and the only other things we seen them do outside of work is play the company’s mmo, or recreational drugs. “I should be proud of my function and to be scrapped” as property of the company. aaaa that’s terrible. aaa. what are cyborg cores??? and why are they valuable. Solid Quake has no control over the core, only the cyborg’s housing. Is it that they cannot produce more? Considering the others on the team got executed for sentenced to an eternal forced labor camp with appalling conditions, Minato really did pull some strings for Kaburagi. ooh so “time until scrapping” and “operational limit near are two different warnings. the first is a general reminder of lifespan and the second is because oxyone levels are low. now its “TIME 20:00  POINT SE,05,I”. all those new gadoll events probably wreck havoc on the tanker economy. its 400c now and i think it was 500 for 2 earlier. First time through I wasn’t paying attention and totally thought kaburagi was an assassin, but no he’s just clean up crew. ahh yes, come spend you wages at the company run stores. micro transactions... wait so where were people getting the number 13 from?

ep3: ah yes Solid Quake charges to use the media center, truly a micro transaction hell. Natsume’s character arc is about whether to push herself or not. Here Fei acts as part of a continuing dialectic saying that Tankers have no place outside of Deca-Dence, that sooner of later Natsume will die from it, and once again highlighting Natsume’s right arm. In the other level of this though, tankers shouldn’t go outside because that’s not their role in the solid quake mmo, and those who would disrupt the mmo are killed. I like how you can see Kaburagi switch from videogame logic (oh she’s low level so let’s just stick her in the tutorial zone) to real life (what skills and experiences would help in fighting). So several corporations took advantage of desperate people to sell them a service that would augment them with mechanical parts. I get that pipe in a little outfit is funny, but does no one really realize its a gadoll, i meant natsume recognizes it instantly. like the scene where Natsume talks about her right arm, the anime does a good job of showing how her feeling about it are complicated. She’s lived with that arm for years, but it also hinders her sometimes, and people will comment about it. there’s this specific type of humor that pops up in this show and given how its the same joke, my guess is that its the same person behind it. The “joke” being that Natsume is put in a position that references sexual assault. The first is with fennel where she makes up an excuse of having to go see kaburagi to get away from him. And then there’s this episode. There’s also a few stray lines here and there that alarm me in that they imply Natsume has dealt with the threat of assault before. Since they didn’t do anything meaningful with this, I’d rather it just not be there. Minato is in on the secret of Pipe’s existence and by the way the two talk, they’ve called each other before in the last 7 years. Its good to know that Kaburagi wasn’t JUST brooding for 7 years and that the two of them stayed in contact.

ep4: Natsume after having gained confidence in herself takes down several gadoll and earns her place in The Power. Its a fulfilling payoff after seeing her train for several episodes. Natsume is where she always wanted to be, fighting gadoll in the Power. gahh It really is a patch release trailer. Ohh so I assumed that the other structures on the cartoon earth were other corporations, but in this episode we see one of them (the white and red striped cone thing opposite the deca-dence dome) and the cyborgs there are talking about the game (MMO LARPing lol), so either Solid Quake owns multiple of those structures, or these cyborgs are customers not owned by Solid Quake and playing of their own volition. that would makes the cone cyborgs where solid quake is deriving its profit from since its not like it pays its workers. reading comments online, a lot of people missed that because a ranker was found to be cheating (mikey), the rankings were abolished. In the present time, gears/players are not ranked. Ah so Kaburagi was transferred to the maintenance department from the warrior department. Wow reassignment is so much better than the poop jail. I remember it being said, armor repair, doctor, and weapon shop could be employee(cyborg) run so I wonder if the medics and that one armor shop guy are tankers or not. So this anime already snuck in a sex joke with the when the poop gang swapped kaburagi’s avatar with a sex toy, so i wonder if the safetyprivatemode was made so that the mods wouldn’t have to listen to robot sex. I really wish this show could have had 24 episodes. The trend for the past 20 years has been shorter and shorter shows so I know it would have been likely impossible to get the clearance and funding for 24 eps but oooh in som alternate universe maybe... i brought up fleshing out minor characters and character relationships before but there also stuff like Natsume’s right hand almost clamping on ... Mindy? Which usually would be a narrative flag but is completely dropped because of the episode limit. And the confidence Natsume gained last episode come to work against Kaburagi trying to keep her from the suicide mission. Its only from this point on that Kaburagi starts to really change, as of this point he is still a loyal cog to a machine that does not care about him. Kaburagi and Natsume in the 2nd half of the episode continue the same dialectic that runs through the whole of the show, about giving up and learning to try again, about pushing your limit, about why someone bothers trying. On the collectivist versus individualist spectrum, Deca-Dence is on the individualist side with assertions of the importance for deciding for yourself what you will do with your life. Its an interesting counterpoint to The Twilight Mirage (Friends at the Table) which I am currently listening to in that The Twilight Mirage is a western production and strongly collectivist with one of the antagonist being sort of kind of an embodiment of independence/individualism while japanese works as a whole tend to be more about the whole over the individual than western ones. Kurenai talking about why she fights is very good and very important for 2 reasons, first it help flesh out not only her but offer a very needed other opinion on what its like to live as a Tanker, second it segues nicely into Natsume’s memories of her dad telling her about the outside world and him being the only one to believe she can do it (fight in The Power) as contrasted with flashbacks of all the other characters telling her she can’t. This culminates in Natsume gathering her resolve to fight not because of something grand like changing the world or the fate of humanity, but something very personal scale: changing herself and proving to herself that she can do it. The is also the climax of her character arc, the point of no return.

ep5: If last episode was natsume’s point of no return, then either this episode or episode 7 is Kaburagi’s. Rationally speaking, the optimal scenario would have been for Kaburagi to stall long enough for the Tankers to escape before pulling back himself, but emotionally and narratively, there’s no way he couldn’t. After all the build up of deciding for yourself how to live and pushing your limits. Its appropriate that here in defense of the girl that inspired him to live and choose for himself rather than just continue existing in the default of what Solid Quake demands of him, that Kaburagi chooses to release his operational limiter (literally pushing him limit) and derail the company’s plans. How did no one realize purple dude was breaking imprisonment to play on a hacked avatar. Like he’s still as purple and bloodthirsty as ever. He acts and speaks the same. Someone would have totally seen him and gone “eyyyyy [i forgot this guy’s name] is back” and talked to people about it and someone should have heard. So I remember reading comments from various idiots who were mad because they mistakenly thought the anime took place in a virtual space and that Natsume was made of lines of code. And first off even if that was true there’s a difference between objective reality and the lived experiences of a person and what’s to say her experiences and emotions would be any less real than yours. And second, did everyone forget The Hunger Games? Like its just another game that plays with real lives and doesn’t care who gets killed. Solid Quake is just using humans as a stage prop. Man this episode is jam packed. Its like getting punched in the face 4 times. The pacing of the last 4 minutes was really good. The quiet scene as dawn breaks acts in direct contrast to the high energy of the Stargate takedown that preceded it. After time and against not listening to him, Minato still calls Kabu to check in with him. There’s also his certainly that it was Kaburagi that saved the Deca-Dence mech (i need to be clearer when I’m talking about the physical fortress city mech, the mmorpg game, or the deca-dence system itself). And then when the world state gets reset is just so good because it make it clear that the gadoll were never the true enemy. The tankers could kill as many gadoll as they want and nothing would change. Kaburagi’s at an interesting point here, in that he’s no longer in a state of having given up like he was in episode 1 just waiting to die and following along with Solid Quake’s orders, as of this episode he has deliberately gone against the company’s rules, and yet he’s still believes that nothing will actually change. He’s broken a rule and resigned himself to punishment instead of say for example getting rid of the punishment all together. He’s still a good little employee that hasn’t rebelled against the system. And then the “Take care of Pipe” and Natsume turns around and he’s already gone, is sooo good. The final shot too of his avatar face down in the snow! The “This world needs bugs” is in direct contrast to Hugin/Fugin(?) repeating that this world must be rid of bugs, and the same phrase Kaburagi repeated 7 years ago when he was transferred to the Maintenance Department instead of being killed. I wonder how much the cyborgs feel in their original bodies  vs. how much they feel in their Gear avatars. Kaburagi doesn’t seem to care about food and no food stalls were shown in the Gear area so maybe they doesn’t have much sense of taste? The avatars also have a lessened sense of pain. And then the limit release sequence shows connections increasing between the two bodies so does it make the cyborgs more attuned with the avatar’s senses?

ep6: eh so this is another example of what I mean when I say some of the humor in this show is in bad taste. They probably put the oxyone port where the ass would be just to make this joke. But this is better then doing to it Natsume. The animators even had a gleam censor for the over where the capsule was inserted as if it wasn’t obvious enough what it was suppose to look like. Spurned on by the the promise that one day if they work hard and behave (”rehabilitated”), the cyborgs will get let out when in actuality its a forced labor camp so that Solid Quake can squeeze just a little more labor our of the cyborgs for even less compensation. The cartoony style here helps offset just how horrific there working conditions are. And Kaburagi still the good little employee (iiko) tries his hardest to play by the rules and win. Except in this game, there is no “win’ written into the rules. So finally he is forced to move outside of the system Solid Quake has made. I still can’t believe they let Donatello keep the gun... Maybe cyborg cores are brains. In 5.5 Kaburagi’s core is in the top half of his metal case, and Donatello’s is also in his head. I’m still not sure what that sequence where Kaburagi takes the head fin and an image of a cyborg core is overlayed, means.

[softforcal]

Floral : Tattooist!Cal

Summary: Renowned tattoo artist Calum Hood doesn’t take apprentices often, but when he does, he tackles the challenge like everything else in his life: with the utmost professionalism. Until he meets Lily, a learning artist, and Calum falls head over heels before he can help himself. 

Warnings: there’s smut. but its super slow burn.

Cal Mood Board: Lily

Word Count: 13.3k

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     The young, heavily tattooed man sat at the receptionist desk in his parlour. His head was bowed, chiseled jaw set, eyebrows furrowed as he studied the papers scattered in front of him.

     Art littered the sheets and after a good, long look, the man would either add the paper to a pile on his left or on his right.

     The stack to his left was large and separated in two with a combined paper count of well over three hundred.

     The stack to his right was substantially smaller, containing only five or six hand picked sheets.

     Buzzing filled the space, one of his workers and friends, a man named Michael, was finishing up the last client of the day. His words didn’t even register to the focused man at the front as Michael wiped off the skin carefully, put a bandage over it and then walked the client to the reception desk. The woman paid and left, leaving the two large aussies to silence.

     Michael looked over Calum’s shoulder, hands reaching out to pull at one of the last few sheets yet to be judged, “this is nice.” Michael stated.

     Calum cocked his head, taking the paper gingerly from his friend.

     He had to admit, there was something interesting to the style.

     It was floral, which Calum usually shied away from, but something about this piece just captured his eye. The lines were thin and delicate, precise and deliberate, they caught his attention and drew his gaze along each light, flouncy, petal. It was realism, which was Calum’s specialty. As much as he enjoyed the more cartoony things, Calum had a reputation for making tattoos that seemed to jump out of the skin.

     And this piece definitely did that.

     He added it to the pile on his right.

     Michael helped him decide on the last few and finally he was done, having finished with six sheets of paper that Calum then carefully picked up, “now for the hard part.” he stated.

     Michael’s laugh echoed through the tattoo parlour, “those all look sick man, i don’t know how you’re going to choose, glad I don’t have your fucking job.”

     “You going home for the day?”

     “Might go to a bar, wanna drink?”

     “Hmmm.” Calum sighed, “I need to finish this up.”

     “Well I’ll tell you one thing, if you don’t choose whoever the fuck did that flower piece, I’m going to break into your application file, find them, and get them to tattoo me. Girly or not, that shit was fire.”

-------

     Calum’s dog Duke padded around his feet as Calum walked through his apartment. His fingers held the glass of whiskey loosely by his side as he approached his work desk. Letting out a long sigh, Calum collapsed into his plush, slightly worn, work chair, setting his drink down.

     The final six contenders were all in front of him.

     Two of them were animal sketches, one was more geometric, and the final three were florals. As much as he tried to give each one the same amount of time and attention, his eyes kept going back to that one floral one.

     Calum was very specific about taking on apprentices.

     He’d only ever had two, and after he was done with them, they were almost as renowned as he was.

     Thinking about the artists brought a smile to his face. His hand absentmindedly rubbed at the triangle on his forearm, just under his horse shoe tattoo.

     The idea had been Michael’s originally, and it had been a joke. No one thought Calum would actually do it. So when Calum had allowed his first apprentice to graduate to full tattooist stature by taking a gun and putting whatever he wanted onto Calum’s body, everyone had been shocked.

     But, his first apprentice had been kind, opting for a geomorphic animal hybrid tattoo. It was medium sized, a black triangle with a wolf face inside. Calum hadn’t looked the entire process, putting his complete trust in the man he’d just spent over a year training.

     Everyone had been shocked. His friends had filmed most of it and it had gone viral.

     Calum was known for his tattooing skills but he was also known for his tattoos, he could be very particular about who took a needle to his body so this was the ultimate show of confidence in his teaching abilities.

     Whenever Calum found himself retreating into himself he’d look down at the lone wolf tattoo on his forearm to remind himself to open up a little, to enjoy his pack and welcome new members.

     New apprenticeship applications had been abundant after that, with Calum getting at least three or four hundred applicants whenever he announced that he would be taking on someone new.

    The second apprentice had gotten Calum on his stomach with his shirt off and had began to wipe down a very large expanse of Calum’s practically unmarked back when it was decided that Calum’s apprentices would have to run their final tattoo idea by Calum’s senior artists first.

     Michael voted yes to having a massive dragon on Calum’s back but Calum, Ashton and Luke had vetoed that idea.

     The dragon had been substantially shrunk down to a red and black little reptilian creature on Calum’s shoulder, its tail wrapped protectively around his upper arm. Whenever Calum wore shirts that showed off the intricate, very real looking piece, Michael would always joke and pretend to talk to the dragon which he had since named “lil Sebastian.” Calum had denied this name but that never stopped Michael.

     Calum enjoyed the application process.

     He enjoyed looking at all of the art which he insisted be sent in with a coded system that he didn’t know, that way, he had no idea of the age, gender, ethnicity, or background of any of the applying artists. He wanted to make it fair. He wanted to choose the best because their art was the best, not because of any other possible side reasons.

     The floral piece made him want to know who had drawn it.

     Which was odd. Usually Calum was okay with not knowing. But there was, as Michael had pointed out, something about it.

     Calum took a deep breath, picking up the sheet one last time.

     He wasn’t the type to ever let his heart make decisions for him, but he knew that this choice was backed by his eyes and his mind as well. Whoever this artist was, they had talent, and Calum wanted to be there to take that talent, which was already spectacular, and somehow make it better.

     The decision had been made. Now all that was left was for his receptionist (who for the time being was Ashton since their receptionist was on mat leave) would call the artists.

     It was a Friday, and by Monday, if the artist accepted, his parlour would have a new apprentice, and Calum would once again embark on a year to three year teaching mission that at the end he would have a new tattoo and an artist to show for it.

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     Lily waited for the coffee. The long sleeves of her oversized denim were perfect for fidgeting and she took full advantage, rolling the worn fabric between her fingers.

     A strand of blonde hair had fallen loose from the messy bun atop her head, dangling in front of her face, but Lily was too wired and distracted to even notice.

     “Black coffee and a frap for Lily?” the cute barista guy said. Announcing her name was just a formality, the barista had flirted with Lily at the till, he knew who she was and his eyes were bright as he handed her the drinks.

     She offered a small smile before rushing from the shop.

     She’d had a last minute spur of anxiety about showing up to her apprenticeship the first day without anything. She’d rather be on time with coffee than early and empty handed.

     Lily dodged around people on the street, her small frame making it easy, the large black denim flaring out behind her like a flag. She slowed down as she approached the parlour.

     Her palms were sweating and she could feel her heart practically beating out of her chest. She took a few deep breaths. When she’d applied to the apprenticeship she didn’t think she’d actually get in.

     Lily had always loved drawing and somewhere along the way she’d realized that the doodles in the margins of her textbooks could become something more. She’d been accepted to a pretty high end arts school and one of her teachers had brought up tattooing in a class.

     Lily had immersed herself, and a month later, had already given herself a stick and poke but it was nowhere near as pretty as she had wanted it to be.

     She’d become addicted to tattoos.

     By the time she’d finished at the arts school, she’d had numerous tattoos done, all floral, of course.

     Lily had found HoodTats on instagram in her second year and had been following his posts religiously since then. He only ever posted his art which was something she always appreciated, knowing that whenever that notification popped up on her phone, she’d be able to see a new piece from the artist as opposed to pictures non-art related.

     When he announced his apprenticeship reopening, Lily had worked her ass off, but had accepted the fact that she wouldn’t be chosen.

     When she’d gotten a call on Saturday morning and an aussie accent had told her she’d been chosen, Lily had dropped her phone to scream. Scrambling to grab her cell again, she and the man had exchanged a light hearted chuckle, and he’d given her info on what she needed to do. It had seemed so surreal, Lily was shocked she’d even been of sound mind enough to be able to jot down the information on her drawing pad.

     And now there she was, standing in front of the parlour.

     She stood there for a moment, just looking at the doors.

     “You going in or what?” a voice asked.

     Lily jumped, grip tightening on her coffee as she turned to look at the man who was standing next to her. She took in his strong jaw and golden skin, and she wet her lips absentmindedly, “yeah, sorry, I uh… fuck, I’m a little jittery today.”

     He hummed, eyes scanning her too, then he reached out and opened the door to the parlour for her. Lily offered a small smile and walked in, the gorgeous man following her inside.

     “Hey Cal.” the guy at the main desk said, looking up.

     The guy from behind Lily grunted in response, and Lily furrowed her eyebrows, Cal as in-

     “Hey!” the happy blonde grinned, drawing her thoughts away.

     “Hi.” Lily forced a smile, taking a deep breath, “I’m Lily-”

     “Right! The apprentice! You’re early!” the blonde said, “I’m Ashton!” he held out a hand and Lily haphazardly set the coffees down, wiping her hand on her pants to rid of the condensation that had marred her skin from the frappuccino.

     She shook Ashton’s hand, making an awkward face, “sorry, my skin is cold.”

     “No worries, you brought someone a coffee?” he asked.

     “Uh… I figured i should bring something so I bought a frappuccino-”

     “You mean the black coffee is for you?” the guy laughed.

     “Yeah-”

      “Offer Calum the black coffee, trust me.”

     Before Lily could respond a new guy came into the parlour from the back room and he walked over with a grin, “who’s this?” he asked.

     “Calum’s new apprentice.”

     “Lily.” she extended the hand to the pink haired guy.

     “No shit?!” the pink haired man grinned, “fuck, your art is amazing! I’m Michael!”

     He shook her hand aggressively but the light in his eyes told Lily that he was just excited, genuinely excited, to meet her.

     “I saw your florals? Damn, if you ever want a canvas, I have a whole leg that’s free and you can just fuck it up-”

     “Michael you’re scaring her.” Ashton tutted, nudging his friend.

     Michael looked between Ashton and Lily, “no I’m not! I’m not scaring you am I?”

     “You scare everyone.” the gorgeous guy from before had returned, and he leaned his hip against the counter. His leather jacket was gone, revealing a black v neck that was pulled tight against his strong chest. His arms were crossed, biceps bulging, arms littered in tattoos exposed and proud on his beautiful skin.

     “This is Lily, she’s your new apprentice.” Ashton stated.

     Lily’s eyes met Calum and she nearly swore in front of him… again. She’d just said fuck to him outside. To her new boss. She’d said fuck.

     Fuck.

     Calum looked her up and down again, taking in the oversized denim that nearly hid her tiny frame. Her jeans were black and ripped at the knees and her blonde hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, one haphazard strand in front of her face. She had high cheekbones and soft looking lips, eyes that were a molten chocolate brown peered up at him and freckles splattered her cute button nose.

     “So you’re the floral girl.” he said before he could help himself.

     She opened her mouth then shut it, grabbing the black coffee from the counter she held it out for him, “i got this for you.”

     Calum looked at it for a moment then accepted it, turning it over in his hands to look at what was written on the side.

     “Who’s Greg?” he asked.

     “What?”

     He showed her the cup. Written on the side was a phone number,  a heart, and the name Greg. “fuck.” Lily breathed, her eyes widened, “shit, I mean- fuck, not fuck, shit.”

     She hid her face with her hands and all three men grinned at her.

     “We don’t fucking care if you swear sweetheart, just as long as you keep it to a minimum in front of clients.” Michael assured her.

     “So who is Greg.” Ashton asked.

     “He’s the barista I guess. I don’t know, he was flirting with me but I didn’t check the cup.” Lily groaned loudly.

     “So… do you want the number?” Calum asked, offering the cup back to her.

     Lily grabbed the frappuccino, stepping back as she took a sip, shaking her head, “no fucking thank you.”

     Calum tried to stop himself from grinning.

     He liked her already.

-------

     Calum had to admit, Lily learned fast.

     He found that he only had to show her something once, and just like that, she knew what she was doing. The first week had been kind of rocky. Calum was a quiet guy by nature, and he could tell that it was making Lily anxious, although she never said anything.

     The first day in particular had been interesting.

     Every time she took a sip of her frappuccino, she’d make a face and Calum had found it amusing, until he found out from Ashton after she left that the black coffee that she’d given him had initially been for herself. The poor girl had been so worried about making a good impression that she’d forced down one of those too-sweet coffee monstrosities that Calum, an avid coffee drinker, would not have been caught dead drinking.

     Lily got flustered pretty easily which was endearing to him given the whole edgy look she was rocking like it was nobody's business.

     Wearing almost strictly black clothing that set off the gold of her hair, Calum may have described Lily as goth, but due to her lack of make up, maybe that was the wrong word. She was tiny, Calum always had to look down to meet her eyes, and she tried to hide behind oversized sweatshirts and jackets. She’d roll up the sleeves into large  bunches at her elbows while drawing, and she never seemed to be able to sit like a normal human being.

     Even on a stool, she’d find a way to tuck one leg underneath her, or use something nearby to rest a foot on.

     Calum had always been the type of guy to be quiet and watch, noticing the small things other people wouldn’t notice. Like the way Lily would focus entirely on a drawing, hands almost as steady as Calum’s, but the moment she was done, her long sleeves would be rolled down again and she’d begin to fidget.

     Lily was quiet too. Something Calum appreciated.

     She didn’t ask many questions which Calum enjoyed, but it did concern him a little. As her teacher, he wanted to make sure that he was actually teaching.

     He found himself asking “did that make sense?” or “do you understand?” more than he ever had in his life, always earning a small “yeah” or curt nod.

     He’d also noticed the small dimple, just one, on her left cheek, that would appear rarely but it always made him want to smile back whenever it did.

     Michael spent most of his free time talking to Lily, which Calum enjoyed, he was never one for small talk. Through Michael’s chats with Lily, Calum had learned that Lily had actually gone to art school. She’d been doodling all her life. She adored flowers, only partially because of her name (she wasn’t that pretentious.) But, the discussions were usually limited to art and tattoo related things, which Calum was beginning to find quite dry.

     He wanted to ask questions, but Calum wasn’t the type to pry. He was never appreciative of people asking him unwanted questions and Calum didn’t fancy himself to be a hypocrite.

    Besides, Calum was, in a way (in a lot of ways) her boss. And Calum was never the type to toe the line of professionalism. Which is why, when Michael suggested that Lily grab a drink with them after work, Calum thanked god for his best friend. 

     Lily had agreed and Calum was sure that it was for Michael’s sake, definitely not his own. After all, Calum hadn’t spoken two words together to the girl that weren’t work related.

     Besides, one of Calum’s artists had been traveling for a month and was finally coming home, so it would be a good chance for Lily to meet the guy outside of the parlour.

     Michael spent the entire day ranting about Luke and hyping him up to the point that if he wasn’t a six foot four, curly blonde, rockstar looking, douche bag, then Lily would have been very let down.

     After closing up the parlour, the three walked down the street to the bar. Calum opened the door for them and as they went inside, all of Lily’s expectations were met.

     Luke had already grabbed them a booth, and as they walked in, he leapt to his feet, coming over with open arms. He immediately engulfed Michael in a hug before turning to Lily, “you must be Cal’s new whipping girl!” he grinned, wrapping his arms around her next.

     Lily was small next to Michael and Cal but with Luke? She was absolutely miniscule. So Luke had no issue simply picking her up off the ground in a hug.

     A small squeal left Lily’s lips and everyone laughed.

     “Fuck. You’re not a hugger are you?” Luke asked, setting her back down. His hands went to her shoulders, bending down to meet her eyes as he looked at her with concern.

     “Uh… that was a hug?” she asked, laughing awkwardly.

     Michael laughed, “don’t mind Luke, he’s just a big teddy bear.”

     “Fuck off.” Luke said, shoving at Michael who grinned, throwing his arm over Luke’s shoulders as the two walked back to the table.

     “Wow, fuck Calum then.” Lily said, voice quiet.

     But Calum heard. And Calum laughed, “Luke can be a bit forgetful.”

     “I uh-” Lily flushed red and hid her face with her oversized sleeves, “I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”

     “It’s alright.” Calum assured her.

     “I just… he didn’t even look at you.” Lily stammered, “god, I would be so worried if one of my friends snubbed me like that-”

     “He didn’t snub me.” Calum said a tad too sternly, and it made Lily shut her worried, anxious, stammering mouth. She looked at him with wide eyes and Calum sighed, seeing the hurt in the chocolate brown irises. “Sorry I snapped at you I-”

     “No it’s fine.” her eyes had widened and her hands were up and waving, sort of distracting Calum actually, as she ranted about how she always swore too much and needed to learn not to always say what was on her mind, even if she whispered it and didn’t expect anyone to hear, not that Calum was being nosey, he was standing there anyways so he was definitely not being nosey-

     “Do you drink?” Calum asked, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably as he looked down at Lily.

     “Are you offering to buy me a drink?” Lily asked.

     Calum stared at her for a moment and that's all it took for Lily to freak out again, getting even redder as she hid her face, “holy fuck! Shit! You see? I have a problem. That was way too flirty. You’re my boss! Wow. I am way too anxious to function, this is such a mess-”

     “I’m going to get you a drink.” Calum stated before she could continue, moving past her to the bar and leaving her standing there wanting to die.

     “What’s the deal with that?” Luke asked, tilting his chin towards where Lily and Calum had just been standing.

     “So the new girl Lily is an anxious little muffin nugget and Cal is…”

     “Cal.” Luke finished for him, making them both laugh, “she’s cute.”

     “Yeah, and just wait till you see her fucking art!” Michael grinned, “she’s talented, just Calum’s type.”

     Lily had managed to contain herself again, walking over to the table where Michael made room for her, “who’s Calum’s type?” she asked.

     “No one-” Michael began to say as Luke stated “you.”

     Lily’s breath caught in her throat as she looked between the two men sitting in the booth. Michael was gaping at Luke but Luke was grinning, attention deliberately entirely focused on Lily.

     “That is very inappropriate Luke.” Michael tutted.

     “Why?”

     “He’s her boss-”

     “Not really.” Luke said.

     “Sort of though.” Michael argued.

     “Eh, is he really though?” Luke narrowed his eyes at Michael.

     Before Michael could answer Calum came back, a Guinness in each hand. He set one down in front of Lily, “hope you like-”

     “Guinness!? My favourite!” Lily smiled.

     “Yeah, figured you like black coffee-”

     “You like black coffee?” Luke made a face at Lily, “wow, you and Cal really are meant to be.”

     “Luke!” Michael screamed.

     “What?!” Luke threw his hands on the air.

     “You left for a month and you have no filter!” Michael shouted.

     “I never had a filter!” Luke pointed out.

     Michael groaned, “fuck, it’s true, you got me there. Damn it.” he turned to look at Lily, “I’m so sorry, Luke’s not used to being around girls.”

     “Yes I am!” Luke insisted, “all the girls love me-”

     “Oh yeah? Then why the fuck are you still single?” Michael asked.

     Lily and Calum both grabbed their drinks in unison, watching Luke and Michael fight.

     “I’m single because a man like me shouldn’t be tied down!” Luke stated.

     “Pfff, sure it has nothing to do with the whole ‘oh I don’t believe in love’ thing?” Michael asked.

     “If you want to talk not believing in love, go fight Calum!” Luke said, motioning towards the silently sitting artist, “he’s the douchebag who thinks that shit doesn’t exist, not me!”

     All eyes went to Calum.

     He set down his Guinness, tattooed, ring clad fingers sliding along the condensation covered glass, a moment passed, “so is someone going to ask me something or are you all just going to stare at me?”

     “You don’t believe in love?” Lily asked.

     “Well when you put it like that-” Calum sighed.

    “How else would you put it Cal?” Luke smirked.

     He thought about it for a moment then grinned, bringing his drink to his lips, “touche.”

     “How about you flower baby, what’s your vibe on that crazy little thing called love?” Luke asked.

     “‘Flower baby’ I like it!” Michael grinned, turning his gaze to the only girl there.

     “Well that’s a loaded question.” Lily said, shrinking under their gaze.

     “You’re single right?” Michael asked.

     “Michael.” Calum warned.

     “What? I can ask her that sort of thing, I’m not her boss, plus we were all thinking it.” Michael said.

     “Michael, this is bordering sexual harassment.” Calum stated, “Lily if you’re uncomfortable-”

     “I’m always uncomfortable.” she interjected.

     “You don’t have to answer their questions.” he told her.

     Lily took a deep breath, “no, I should try to not be so shy all the time.”

     “Good for you, cheers to that.” Luke said, lifting the bottle of beer he’d had since before they’d arrived, “so tell us all your secrets.”

     “My money’s on single.” Michael stated.

     “Why?” Lily laughed.

     “Cuz if you had a boyfriend there’s no way in hell he wouldn’t have already come to the shop to check us out and make sure none of us are threats.” Michael answered.

     “And then, he’d show up and fight Calum-” Luke continued.

     “Can you both leave me out of this?” Calum interjected.

     “But Cal-”

     “Maybe just stop saying my name how about that?” Calum sighed.

     Luke groaned loudly, “you’re lame.”

     “So you two are friends right?” Lily asked.

     “Yeah, why do you ask?” Luke said, taking a sip of his beer.

     Lily grinned and Michael laughed, “they have a very complicated relationship.” he assured her.

     “Your mom and I have a complicated relationship.” Luke quipped.

     “How long have you been here buddy?” Michael asked.

     “A while.”

     “How much have you had to drink?”

     “A lot.”

     Michael groaned, “man, I haven’t even had a beer yet and I’m already going to have to take you home aren’t I?”

     “I’m fine.” Luke laughed.

     “That’s your awkward ‘I’m totally not fine’ laugh.” Michael sighed, “okay man, lets go.”

     “But we can’t leave Cal and the flower child.” Luke groaned.

     “I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Michael said, pulling Luke to his feet.

     “But I like flower girl.” Luke whined.

     “And you’ll see her at work on Monday when you’re sober.” Michael pointed out.

     “Promise?” Luke asked.

     “Promise.” Michael said, Luke finally allowing himself to be dragged closer to the door, he turned back and looked at Calum and Lily who were both watching him, “tell them to use protection Michael, we don’t need a tattoo parlour baby.”

     “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

     Luke was not satisfied with this answer, turning to look at Cal and Lily he screamed “use protection!” and half the bar turned to look at the two still sitting in the booth.

     Lily flushed immediately and Calum sighed, “we can just finish our drinks and go.” he suggested.

     Lily took a sip of her Guinness, “eager to get rid of me?” she asked.

     Calum’s grip tightened on his glass, “look, this was probably a mistake, I’m your teacher and this feels inappropriate, especially with how Michael and Luke have been acting-”

     “Have you taken your other apprentices out for drinks before?”

     “Yeah-”

     “So it’s because I’m a girl.” Lily stated.

     Calum groaned. He was not a sexist guy. He wasn’t. Which is why he even did applications blind, so that he wouldn’t treat people differently. And now here he was, treating his apprentice differently because she was a woman. A cute woman. Fuck.

     “Shit.” Calum said, “I feel like such a jackass.”

     “Is it…” Lily sighed.

     “Is it what?”

     Lily covered her face in her hands, “fuck, now I’m making this awkward.” she peeked at Calum, “I’m going to just say it and we can pretend it never happened, we should pretend this whole night didn’t happen to be honest, like, I don’t know what the fuck has come over me today but… Luke and Michael are throwing me off big time, and, shit, is it… is it because I’m your type? Is that why you’re being so weird? Like, Michael said you’re a quiet guy but this feels more personal you know?”

     “I’m just… i haven't had a female apprentice before and I guess I’m not used to it.” Calum studied her and then realized that he’d pretty much just stated that she wasn’t his type, which was a lie, and if there was one thing Calum Hood wasn’t, it was a liar, “not that you’re not my type, you are, I mean, shit, I’m your boss, sort of, and being professional is kinda my thing-”

     “You’re very professional.” Lily assured him.

     “I just bought you a beer, probably shouldn’t have done that-”

     “I won’t tell the head of the tattooist apprenticeship board or whatever if you don’t.” Lily sighed, “Look. don’t treat me differently. I don’t want this to be so awkward, i want to be friends, after all, when this is all over i will legitimately be putting a tattoo of my choosing on your body so we should be friends don’t you think?”

     “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable-” Calum winced.

     “If you do, I’ll tell you, how about that?” she asked.

     He considered it, “deal.”

     They finished their Guinnesses quickly, standing and walking to the entryway to the bar, “well, how far from here do you live?” Calum asked.

     “A little ways away, why?”

     “I mean, should I offer to walk you home?” Calum tested.

     “Would you offer that to your other apprentices?”

     “Probably not.”

     “Then no.”

     “Okay well uh… get home safe then yeah?”

     “Will do. I’m a big girl.” Lily grimaced immediately, “wow that sounded so weird. I’ll uh… I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

     “Yeah.”

     Calum almost went in for a hug. His brain was so frazzled. Whenever he took a girl out to a bar they were usually on a date and normally, if he wasn’t interested in taking them home, he’d give them a hug just to say ‘goodbye, never gonna call you again.’

     Lily also awkwardly looked like she was about to go in for a hug and they both kind of stumbled awkwardly until Lily thrust out her hand and Calum laughed, shaking it, “uh, have a good night.”

     “You too.”

     As they both turned and went opposite ways down the street they were both cringing. It was very obvious to them that she was his apprentice and they were two weeks into an apprenticeship that could take more than two years.

     They were fucked.

-------

     On Monday, Lily and Calum showed up to work fully intending to stay true to their agreement to forget the awkwardness of Friday ever happened, and have Calum treat her like every other apprentice he’d had.

     After a bit of small talk with Luke, Michael and Ashton, Calum’s first client arrived and he called Lily over to watch. Calum was very focused when he tattooed, staying completely silent as he worked, which left it up to Lily to make conversation with the clients.

     Calum enjoyed listening to Lily chat with clients. She was always so anxious around him, but she relaxed a little bit more around other people. She almost seemed easy going, and if Cal didn’t know her, he would have even gone as far to describe her as an extrovert.

     She’d make a great tattoo artist. Always calming down and distracting clients.

     Calum almost began getting critical of himself because damn, did he not talk enough with clients? No one had ever complained before so Calum pushed the thought aside. 

     Calum realized that if he simply didn’t look at Lily, he could teach her better, not get distracted by her pretty freckles or her gorgeous brown eyes-

     It worked for a week.

     But because it worked, Lily got more comfortable.

     It had been a full month when Lily finally got so comfortable that she took off her oversized, black denim jacket for the first time.

     It was getting hotter outside, summer quickly approaching, and Lily was wearing a black tank top that exposed her arms and shoulders. As she slipped the the denim off and put it on a chair, Calum’s breath caught in his throat. Delicate tattoos littered the skin from elbow to shoulder, two beautiful half sleeves that he had no idea she’d had.

     In classic Lily fashion, the tattoos were all black.

     As Calum studied them he realized, “wait, did you… did you tattoo some of these onto yourself?” the art was undeniably Lily.

     Lily’s skin flushed, “yeah, iI uh… I bought a tattoo gun a while ago and figured I’d test it on myself.”

     “So that’s why your lines are so good already, you’ve literally been practicing on yourself.” Calum would have laughed if it wasn’t so hard core.

     “Yeah.” Lily laughed, “I mean, I think they turned out alright.” she looked down at the flowers on her left arm, “the ones on this side are better because I’m right handed, I practiced with my left for ages with paper but it just wasn’t the same so only this peony is mine,” she motioned to a small, delicate flower on her right arm, “everything else was done by other artists I’ve been into for a while.”

     Calum recognized the artwork on her right arm, “that was done by Cole.” Cole had been his second apprentice.

     “Yeah, he managed to convince me to get a full half sleeve from him so this is all his.”

     “Sounds like Cole.” Calum grinned, pulling up the sleeve of his shirt to the shoulder to show her the dragon, “he gave me this one, originally he wanted to take up my whole back but I had to draw the line with that one.”

     “Yeah, he wanted my whole arm but I told him just above the elbow.”

     “Would you ever get your forearms done?”

     “Hmm, probably not, but I have an idea for my thigh-” before she could go into more details, Calum’s client arrived and the conversation was cut short.

     That day was particularly difficult. Calum just wanted to gawk at her tattoos. She had been a ten before but now? Wow. Calum had a thing for tattoos and the whole thing about Lily tattooing herself was… well, Calum’s pants were getting a bit tight just thinking about it.

     It was around one o'clock when Ashton got a cancelation call from one of Calum’s clients. Calum didn’t mind, there was a deposit for half the cost anyways and it meant he had an hour of free time. Calum sent Ashton for lunch which meant he and Lily were manning the reception desk.

     Lily was drawing flowers while Calum watched. He didn’t have any floral tattoos and he had been curious from day one what they would look like on his skin. “Do you want to try drawing that on me?” he suggested.

     “Uh… are you sure?” Lily asked.

     “Yeah, you need practice drawing on people, last time you did, the woman said your hands were cold after.” Calum pointed out.

     “Shit.” Lily immediately put down her pencil and began rubbing her palms together to warm them up.

     “Here.” Calum handed her a black sharpie.

     “Do you want a floral tattoo?”

     “I’ve never wanted one before but... I dunno, your flowers are really nice.”

     “Thanks.” Lily flushed, “so your forearm?”

     Calum arms were pretty tatted as it was but his left was more covered than his right so he offered up the arm, gesturing to medium sized unmarked patch, “yeah, probably here.”

     “Any flowers in specific?” she asked.

     “What’s your specialty?”

     Lily chuckled, looking up at him for a moment as she twirled the sharpie between her fingers, “a lily. But I do a great chrysanthemum or peony.”

     “I only know what lilies look like so surprise me with one of the other ones.” Calum said. He liked surprises.

     “Well I showed you my peony so-”

     “So the other one.”

     “A chrysanthemum.”

     “Yeah. That.”

     Lily took Calum’s offered arm, putting it on the table as she took the top off of the sharpie. “Free handing is okay?” she clarified.

     “Go for it.” Calum said, watching as she too the first swipe of black ink over his arm.

     “So you mentioned earlier you had an idea for your thigh?”

     “Yeah, I was thinking of getting a few big chrysanthemums actually, but I haven’t found anyone who can draw them right.” Lily explained.

     “Why don’t you just do it yourself.” Calum teased.

     “Cuz it would hurt like a bitch.” Lily answered, “oh, you were joking.”

     “A little.”

     He watched her drawing the petals, “you know, not to rain on your parade or anything but I feel like I could probably draw a… whatever flower that is.”

     “Chrysanthemum.”

    “You know maybe if you wrote that down I’d be able to pronounce it.”

     Lily grinned. She made it look so easy and Calum studied how she drew each delicate petal. Calum Hood didn’t do flowers, but there was something endearing about how delicate and deliberate each petal was.

     After a few minutes she finished, “there. What do you think?”

     It did look really good. And again, Calum Hood did not do floral. “yeah.”

     He pulled out his art pad and began to try to copy her work and Lily watched, “more curve here and here.” she said, correcting his lines.

     Calum grinned, “so the student becomes the teacher.”

      Lily flushed, “well, I mean, it’s always been a dream to have you tattoo me, which sounds way awkward saying that out loud but you don’t do floral.”

     “I’m doing floral now.” Calum pointed out.

     “Still not curved enough.” Lily corrected another petal.

     Calum groaned, pulling out another piece of paper to draw a new flower. As he drew, Lily only corrected it twice, and on the third drawing, not at all. Calum held up the paper smugly.

     “It looks great.” Lily said.

     “So you’ll let me tattoo it on you.”

     “Uh…” Lily laughed awkwardly, “I mean, you drew one but I’m going for something a little bigger-”

      No one had ever turned down a tattoo from Calum Hood, it was a challenge and Calum liked challenges, “how about this, by the end of the week if I can free hand a bunch of these flowers-”

     “Chrysanthemums.”

     “If I can freehand a bunch of these cruh-san-the-memes-”

     “Nice try.”

     Calum groaned loudly, “if I can draw them and you like them you’ll let me tat you.”

     “Aren’t I supposed to be the one tatting you when this is all over?” Lily asked.

     “Are you seriously going to turn down a tattoo from me?” Calum laughed.

     Lily considered it, “fine, but I’m not going to say yes just because you’re you.”

     “Fine.”

--------

     In secret, Calum spent an embarrassingly copious amount of time looking at pictures of chrysanthemums online. He’d even trained on how to say ‘chrysanthemum.’ He’d drawn so many god damned flowers over the week that it almost annoyed him that he actually enjoyed drawing them.

     On Friday morning, Calum showed up to work with with his top three ideas. He was anxious his entire first client, wanting time to show Lily his work and see if she liked them. As soon as the man had paid and left, Calum took out the art to show Lily.

     “Okay, what do you think?” he asked.

     He was never worried about what people thought of his work.

     People always adored his designs. Hell, people flew in from all over the world to let him free hand an original design on their body to be permanently inked forever.

     Lily scanned the flowers, “wow, these look super real, did you look them up?”

     “No.” Calum said immediately.

     Lily smiled and Calum knew that she knew he was lying.

     She looked at one of the sketches, “this one is so pretty.”

     It was one of the bigger ones but Calum supposed that's what she’d asked for, “so… you’ll let me tattoo you?”

     Having Calum tattoo her had been a dream for years so of course Lily knew she was about to say yes. Especially since she had wanted something outside of his comfort zone and it was obvious that he’d put a lot of effort into making something she’d like. It was making Lily’s heart beat faster and she nodded, “you can tattoo me.”

     Calum’s eyes lit up, “great, after work?”

     “After work?”

     “Yeah.”

     “That’s kind of sudden isn’t it?”

     “Well, I mean, if you want another time-”

     “No, after work… works.” Lily said, giggling awkwardly, “I don’t have cash on me-”

     Calum’s eyebrows furrowed, “I’m not charging you.”

     “You have to charge me.”

     “No I don’t.” Calum insisted.

     “Cal, I know how much people pay for your tattoos.” Lily sighed.

     “It’s on the house.”

     Before Lily could argue further, Calum’s next client showed up.

     The next six hours were busy, with Lily and Cal speaking barely two words to each other. Lily’s adrenaline was pumping. She always got excited before a tattoo and this was exciting. More exciting than she wanted to admit.

     As the clock ticked down to closing, Lily got more and more fidgety.

     It was just her and Cal left in the shop, not that she spent much time with the other artists since she stayed glued to Calum’s side, watching him work, all day every day.

     After collecting payment from the last client, Cal turned off the open sign, walking back to Lily, “you still want the tat?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Okay, you get ready and I’ll grab the shit.” Calum walked to his work space in the back corner of the shop.

     Lily followed, taking a deep breath before she began to unbutton her pants.

     “You still sure on the-” Calum turned and his voice trailed off, “placement?” his eyes went to where Lily was unzipping her jeans and pushing them down. Lily felt awkward but when did she not? Plus, Calum had tattooed many people in his life so this wouldn’t be much different.

     Calum’s breath was caught in his throat as his eyes traced over the black lacy panties she was wearing.

     “So I’m thinking here.” Lily said, motioning to her upper thigh, “I want it to curve in just a little inner.”

     “Right.” Cal coughed, “let me draw it on and if you don’t like it we can move it-”

     “Calum, I know the drill.”

     “Right.” Calum grabbed his sharpie as Lily kicked off her shoes and pants, taking off her jacket and rolling up her shirt a little. Calum returned and got onto his knees, looking up at Lily one last time, “ready?”

     “You’re just drawing it, this isn’t even the hard part.”

     Calum nodded, “so under the underwear line or-”

     Lily flushed, pulling up her panties a little, “just under the hip bone.”

     The sharpie pressed against her skin and Lily tried to look anywhere but at the gorgeous tattooed man on his knees between her bare legs.

     Calum was right handed and working on her left leg, so to steady her, he had to place his other hand on the inside of her leg, delicately moving the skin a little when necessary. His fingers on her bare flesh was making Lily dizzy.

     Calum traced the lines across her thigh, trying to focus all his attention on working and not on how pretty her skin was. And how close he was to-

     “So you must see women half naked all the time right?” Lily asked.

     “Yeah.” Calum said.

     “What’s the nudest you’ve ever done?”

     “This one girl wanted something on her pubic bone which I told her was a bad idea but she really wanted it, we were in a back room for privacy and when I came in she was completely naked-”

     “Then what happened?”

     “Well, I gave her something to cover herself up and she was super awkward the whole time.”

     “I can imagine.” Lily laughed.

     She could feel his breath on her inner thigh and Lily’s skin involuntarily broke out in goosebumps, “you cold?” Calum asked.

     “Yeah but it’s fine.” Lily lied.

     Calum hummed and continued working until the drawing was done, “okay, go look in the mirror.” he said, standing up and following Lily to see if she liked it.

     Her eyes scanned over it and Calum waited patiently, arms crossed over his chest.

     “It’s beautiful.” Lily breathed.

     “Chrysanthemums are beautiful.”

     “How long did it take for you to figure out how to say chrysanthemums?”

     “Too long.” Calum admitted.

     “Okay, lets do it. You’ll get the basic lines done today and then shading after work on Monday or something?”

     “Do you want to split it up into two parts?” Calum asked.

     “Don’t you think this will take a while if you try to do it all today?”

     “Yeah.”

     “I figured you might have plans tonight-”

      “Why?”

     “Well, its a Friday night.” Lily pointed out.

     “So?”

     “So maybe you have a date? I don’t know-”

     “Do you have a date?”

     “No-”

     “Great, so let’s do this all tonight.” Calum stated, “we can order take out half way through or some shit, or after, it's up to you.”

     “Take out after sounds good, there’s this place down the street with amazing-”

     “Shawarma, fuck, love that place.”

      “Me too.” Lily grinned, “okay, I’ll sit down then.”

     She got onto the chair and set herself up so Calum could access her inner thigh while Calum pulled on some gloves, sat on his stool, and picked up the tattoo gun.

     Lily looked at the ceiling as the sound of buzzing began.

     The first feeling of the needle piercing her skin made her sigh and Calum smirked, “you good?”

     “I uh… kind of like the pain, that sounds wild, shit, I didn’t mean it in like a sexual way or anything-” Lily began to stammer.

     “No, I like it too.” Calum said, cutting her off.

     Lily wanted to distract herself from the flush that she knew was creeping over her skin, and It was going to take a while so she pulled out her phone, “can we listen to music?”

     “Go for it.” Calum said, focusing on his lines. He didn’t talk during tats anyways so music always helped.

     Some old rock music began to play from Lily’s phone and Calum smirked, “nirvana.”

     “You like Nirvana?” Lily asked.

     “All the old stuff is great.” Calum said.

     “Nine inch nails is pretty good, Nirvana, Guns and roses-”

     “Where have you been all my life.” Calum teased.

     Lily smiled, a tingly feeling in her stomach almost distracting from the needle.

     A particularly sensitive spot made Lily grab at the side of the chair and Calum noticed. His jaw clenched. Pain was part of tattooing and he never felt bad about it but there was something about Lily being in pain and him being the direct cause, even though it was his job, that was hurting him.

     “Deep breaths sweetheart.” Calum said before he could help himself, the term of endearment slipping out before he could stop it.

     Lily sighed, “can you distract me?”

     “The music isn’t distracting enough?” he asked.

     “Not really.” Lily winced, “shit, why did I think the inner thigh was a good idea? I knew it would hurt like a bitch-”

     “It will look great.” Calum assured her.

     “It will.” Lily agreed.

     She could feel his breath again and she tried to focus on that but as she felt the butterflies in her stomach, she realized maybe that was not the best idea. Having him so close to her, just inches away from where she was positive he could just bury his mouth and send her over the edge in seconds-

     “What the fuck?!”

     Calum pulled the tattoo gun away, looking at Michael who had just entered the shop, “Michael! Jesus fuck man you can’t just be surprising people who are in the middle of giving tattoos!”

     “Shit, sorry,” Michael apologize, “it just… it looked like you two were… well, Calum it looked like you were-”

     “Michael. Don’t say it.” Calum warned.

     They all knew what he was implying.

     “I’m going to continue alright?” Calum asked, drawing Lily’s eyes to his. She nodded.

     He started up the gun again and pressed it to her skin, again Lily winced and Michael walked over. “That looks sick already.” he stated.

     “Hold her hand.” Calum instructed.

     “What?”

     “Hold her fucking hand.” Calum said again.

     Michael reached out and took Lily’s hand which she immediately squeezed. “So Cal, flowers, since when did you start doing flowers?”

     “It’s what she wanted.” Calum answered.

     “I just didn’t know you were a fan of flowers.”

     “Chrysanthemums are dope Mike.” Calum said.

     “You’re wild.” Michael laughed.

     Michael pulled up a chair and sat with the two of them for the next three hours, successfully distracting Lily while Calum worked quietly. It was nice to listen to Michael talk because Calum could feel himself straining against his pants and he needed a turn off, like Michael’s voice.

     Calum was finishing up when Michael had to go, once again leaving Lily and Calum alone.

     “So do you have a skirt or something?” Calum asked.

     “No?”

     “Oh.”

     “Girls don’t just carry around skirts.”

     “Right.”

     “I mean, you’re going to be really sensitive and your jeans might hurt-”

     “Fuck. How come I didn’t think of that? I’m such a shit tattooist.” Lily groaned.

     Calum wiped her skin to get the remaining ink away, cleaning the area, “let me put the bandage on then I might have a shirt in the back you can wear as a dress because you’re small.”

     Lily stayed quiet as Calum smoothed the see through bandage over her skin. He stood up and went to the back, returning a minute later with a shirt that he handed to Lily, “here.”

     She looked at it, “Zeppelin, you have good taste.”

     Lily stood up on wonky legs, grabbing the hem of her shirt as she lifted it over her head. Calum looked away but the brief glimpse of a matching black lace bra made his breath catch again.

     “Okay, I’m decent.” Lily said in a quiet voice.

     Calum looked at the way the shirt hung like a dress down to her mid thigh. She looked adorable slipping on her adidas. She could make any outfit work.

     “Still hungry?” she asked.

     “Yeah.”

     “You’re sure I can’t force you to take money for this?” Lily sighed.

     “No way. How do you feel?”

     “It hurts a little but you were right about not having the added pressure of jeans.” Lily said, “so… let me grab my stuff then we can get food.”

     Calum cleaned up the station while Lily put all her clothes into her bag, taking one look at the tattoo in the mirror and admiring his handy work. She couldn’t wait till she could take off the bandage and see it clearly but she knew it was beautiful.

     Calum met her at the front of the shop and locked up. The night was warm, the first breath of summer having swept over the city that day, lingering in the air.

     They walked in silence down the street to the shawarma place.

     They both ordered the same thing, once again proving how much they had in common. When Calum pulled out his wallet, Lily thrust a twenty at the man at the till, “I’m paying for all of it.” she stated.

     “Don’t take her money-” Calum warned the guy.

     But Lily glared him down, “sorry man.” the vender said, taking the twenty.

     Calum sighed and the two of them waited for their wraps to be made. When handed the warm food, Lily stated: “there’s a park close by and we could sit on a bench and eat or something.”

     “Good idea.” Calum said.

     They began to eat their wraps as they walked, staying mostly quiet but Lily was oddly okay with that. She usually got fidgety with silence and at first, that had applied to Calum, but sometime in the past little while, the awkwardness that usually came with lack of conversation had disappeared.

     They sat on the park bench and ate, chatting a little. Easy conversation about apprenticeships. Calum was confident that Lily wouldn’t need as long as the others had which made Lily’s heart race. “You’re really talented.” he assured her, “wouldn’t surprise me if you’d be good to go in under a year actually.”

     “I didn’t realize you could just choose how long the apprenticeship is.”

      “Well, I mean, usually there are rules, but I think at the end of the day it’s based on my decision. And I could offer you a job at the parlour so that way, its sort of still like an apprenticeship.”

     “You’d hire me? Just like that?” Lily asked.

     “You’re really good Lily.” he stated, “I knew it the second I saw your application. And so did Michael.”

     They chatted about how he got into tattooing.

     They chatted until it began to get cold and Lily began to shiver. She pulled out her large denim jacket and seeing her in two things that were way too large was almost too much for Calum in some odd way.

     He tried not to look at her but it was very difficult.

     Especially her legs. God, he adored her legs already.

     “So I should get going.” Lily said when it got to be around ten.

     “Yeah me too.” Calum said as they both stood.

     Again, there was an awkward moment of whether or not they should hug.

     Calum’s self control disappeared as he wrapped his arms around the smaller artist, pulling her against his chest. She hugged back, cheek pressed against his front for a moment before they both pulled away, “get home safe.” he said, voice low and crackly as he cleared his throat.

     “I will.”

     They turned and went their separate ways with smiles on their faces.

----

     On Monday, Lily walked into the shop with a short little leather skirt that, once again, had Calum’s pants getting insanely tight. She breezed in with a smile and a wave to Ashton and Michael who were gawking at her from the reception desk, walking straight to Calum. “So I took the bandage off!” she grinned.

     “Let’s see.” Calum said, scooting forward on his stool with a smile. And then, Lily simply lifted up her skirt, completely flashing him a new, adorable, red and black lace thong that took Calum’s attention a moment too long before he had to force his eyes to the tattoo.

     “How’s your aftercare?” he asked.

     Lily rolled her eyes, “my aftercare is on point Hood.”

     He chuckled, “stop flashing me.”

     “Fuck, right.” Lily pulled down her skirt, red spreading over her delicate collar bones.

     The first few hours were insanely difficult for Calum. It was like every spare moment, his brain would think about those god damned lacy panties.

     Instead of taking a lunch break, Lily went up front with Ashton. Calum’s gaze was on her, watching them chat.  He didn’t even notice Luke pull his chair over to be next to Calum as Calum waited for his next client.

     “So you shouldn’t be looking because in a way, you’re her boss but I can look for you.” Luke stated.

     Calum rolled his eyes but tore his gaze away, knowing Luke was right about some things and unfortunately this was one of them.

     He had to be professional.

     He had to be.

     Another week passed and Calum managed to keep his eyes away from the gorgeous blonde and her little skirts. He was almost too good at keeping it professional and his friends noticed.

     Luke, Ashton and Michael were at a bar after work when Michael brought it up, “so we need to do something about Lily and Cal.”

     “What do you mean?” Luke asked.

     “They need to fuck.” Michael stated, “like, I can’t focus with all the sexual tension.”

     “Cal won’t act on it.” Ashton said, and they all knew he was right.

     Michael groaned, “fuck, I know, we need to make him act on it.”

     “How?” Luke laughed.

     And that's how Michael's mission began.

     His plans were never good.

     He took Lily and Cal to a bar then excused himself to go to the bathroom ten minutes in.

     He never came back.

     Calum had sighed when it became obvious Michael had dipped out, coming up with the only thing he could think of to talk about, “so… netflix.”

     Turned out they were both horror movie fans and they’d sat and chatted and agreed about everything for two hours before Calum finally suggested they head out, it was obvious that the yawning girl in front of him was tired from her long day at work.

     Calum caught onto Michael’s plan pretty fast and Michael spent many hours coming up with new ways to get Lily and Cal together outside of work.

     It was another month before Michael suggested that he needed a workout buddy.

     Calum had cocked an eyebrow at him, “you want to work out?”

     “Yeah.” Michael tried to sound excited about it but it lacked conviction, “hey, Lily, do you work out?”

     “I go for a run every now and again.” she answered, focusing on her drawing.

     “A run! That sounds…” for a moment he looked like he was going to try to be enthusiastic but then he broke, “I mean it sounds like torture but I need one I think.”

     “Thats something I’d like to see.” Calum chuckled.

     “We should all go for a run.”

     “I’m in.” Lily said absentmindedly.

     Calum’s gaze flickered to her then to Michael who was waiting expectantly. He knew it was another ploy but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see Michael in workout gear. “Fine, I’ll come too.”

     “Great! Sunday morning?”

----

     Michael did not show up on Sunday morning. He sent a text saying he’d meet the pair half way through their run at the park and that they should go without him.

     It was a beautiful morning. The day promised to be hot but the morning was cool, sun shining against the morning dew on the grass.

     The two began to jog and stayed quiet as they ran.

     It wasn’t a surprise when Michael didn’t show up at the halfway mark.

     In fact, neither of them even noticed.

     As the morning began to get warmer, they were both sweating and Calum finally suggested they stop. LIly collapsed onto a park bench pulling out her water bottle as Calum took off his shirt that was practically soaked.

     He groaned at the feel of the air on his newly revealed skin and Lily nearly choked on her water at his gorgeous chest which was covered in tattoos, and perfectly muscular.

     “Your tattoos-” she began.

     Calum looked down at her, “you like them?”

     “They’re beautiful, can… can I-” she began to ask awkwardly.

     “Yeah, look as much as you want.” he stepped forward so he could be closer, giving her a better view as she began with the tattoos just under his collar bones.

     He explained each one as she went down, watching her focus completely on the black marks that littered his skin.

     By the time she got to his abdomen, Lily was surprised she wasn’t drooling. Completely bewitched by each tattoo and the story that came with it.

     There was one particular tattoo, just above the waistband of his shorts, and it was so delicately intricate and beautiful, she couldn’t even help herself as she reached out and brushed her fingers against his skin.

     His abs immediately flexed, Calum having not expected her prying digits, Lily pulled away immediately, “oh my god I’m so sorry-”

     “It’s fine.” Calum assured her, knowing another anxiety ridden stammering rant was coming on, “I just wasn’t expecting that.”

     She was already blushing like crazy and Calum was sure it wasn’t from being hot from the run, “hey, would you look at the time!” Lily said, pulling out her phone, “I have places to be.”

     “Yeah me too.” Calum lied.

     “Well! Nice run!” Lily stood abruptly. There was no awkward move for a hug, they both simply turned opposite ways and ran.

     Lily’s heart was racing in her chest. She hadn’t meant to touch him, she just hadn’t been able to help herself. God. He was so fucking hot. She couldn’t even deal with it anymore.

     She’d had recurring dreams for over a week of having Calum between her legs like when he was giving her the tattoo, but in her dreams he always had a very different reason for being there.

     Likewise, Calum had been so god damned close to letting her explore him with her hands. Her fingers had felt so good. It was insane that her touch had brought electricity coursing through his body like nothing, even the sting of a tattoo gun, had ever done before.

     As soon as Calum got home he ran a cold shower, letting the water run over his body but even the shock of the temperature couldn’t distract him. He was in deep already, and he knew it.

----

     The others all watched as Lily and Calum interacted the next day.

     “The sexual tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.” Ashton pointed out.

     “Do you think anything happened?” Luke asked, taking a bite out of his cucumber.

     “I am one hundred percent confident my plan worked.” Michael stated.

     “You wanna put money on it?” Luke grinned.

     “Fuck yeah, twenty bucks says they fucked.” Michael scoffed.

     “Deal.” Luke pushed off of the reception table and walked towards Cal and Lily who were going over the client list for the day. “Cal, I need to ask you something.” he said.

     “Go for it.” Calum said, not even looking up.

     “Privately.”

     Calum sighed, standing and following Luke to the reception desk, “what do you want?”

     “We want to know if you finally made a move yesterday.” Luke whispered.

     “Fuck are you guys serious?!” Calum groaned, “I am not talking about this.”

     He turned and walked back to Lily.

     “You owe me twenty.” Luke stated.

     “What? No I don’t!” Michael screamed.

     “Nothing happened. He’s all wound up still. Nothing happened.”

     “He’s got you there.” Ashton pointed out.

     “Whose side are you even on you traitor?” Michael glared at Ashton while pulling out his wallet. He handed Luke a twenty.

      It had to be, by far, the hardest day for Calum (in more ways than one.)

     All he could think about was getting her fingers on his skin again.

     He managed to get through most of the day but as the others cleared out until it was just him and Lily, once again, he was in a tough situation.

     His last client listened to music with earphones the whole tattoo, leaving Calum and Lily to silence.

     He was hyper aware of her as she watched him do the more difficult shading.

     He let her wipe away the excess ink and put on the bandage, “you deal with this, I’ll be in the back, there’s a room that needs to be cleaned-”

     “The private room? Michael cleaned it after he did that girls tit tattoo.”

     “Like I said, it needs to be cleaned a little more.” Calum said.

     She watched him go into the back and took the client to the front, taking his payment. The guy left and she locked the front door, turning off the open sign before going to find Calum in the back.

     She found him in the private room, standing tall as he wiped down a table. She could only see his back but damn was it a pretty back.

     Her heart was thundering in her chest.

     She knew what she wanted.

     And the logical part of Lily told her that he wanted it too, but the anxious little nugget side wondered ‘what if he doesn’t and you’re about to straight up try to get  in your boss’s pants?’

     It was a risk.

     And Lily did not take risks.

     But shit, she couldn’t help herself anymore.

     Calum set down the cloth and turned to look at Lily, “you’re done for the day, you can go home.” he said, arms crossing over his broad chest, the tattoos covering his forearms looking absolutely delicious.

     “Can I show you my tattoo? Its healed so nicely-”

     Calum cocked an eyebrow at her, “go for it.”

     He could see the anxiety written all over her face. And she hadn’t tried to show him the tat in a while which he was almost grateful for. Almost. He wondered where this was going to take them.

     Lily hesitantly lifted up her skirt and Calum stepped closer to get a better look. Before he could help himself he was on his knees and Lily’s breath caught in her throat.

     His fingers brushed over the skin, so lightly that if it wasn’t for the shocks running through her body, she wouldn’t have even been sure if he was making contact.

     “Calum, I need to say something.” she said, shocked at her own voice.

     He hummed, waiting for her to speak.

     “This is going to be the most inappropriate thing I’ve ever said and I’ve said a lot of inappropriate things, fuck, I swear like a trucker half the time, and this is going to fuck me over so bad but I can’t just not say it anymore.” she ranted as Calum stood. At his full height, he towered over her and it distracted her momentarily, loving how he completely dwarfed her. She let out a shaky breath, eyes lingering on his lips momentarily, “fuck.” she cussed.

     Calum smirked, “say what you have to say sweetheart.”

     The pet name made her heart leap in her chest and she wet her lips subconsciously, “this is so unprofessional.” she groaned.

     “Sounds like you have to get it off your chest. And you’re off the clock.” he reminded her.

     “Fuck. I really like you.”

     That was all he needed.

     Calum cupped her face in his hands, pressing his lips to hers. She melted against him, her hands going to the front of his jeans to pull him flush against her. Calum bit down on her lip and Lily moaned loudly into his mouth. Calum was hard in an instant.

     His grip went down to her waist as he pushed her back until she hit the tattooing chair, the impact of her bum against the chair made her groan and Calum’s hands moved farther down, grabbing at the fabric of her leather skirt that he dragged up to her hips, exposing the black panties that had been haunting his dreams since he’d first seen them.

     His mouth was hot and needy against hers, teeth and tongues clashing in a fiery passion as her fingers went to his hair, grabbing at the thick, dark curls. Calum moaned into her mouth from the small twinge of pain, his grip tightening on her thighs as he lifted her and set her onto the chair.

     It was flat, making it easy for him to set her anywhere he liked as he pulled his lips from hers and tore her panties down her legs, shoving them into his back pocket. “Calum.” Lily whimpered, voice needy. His breath wafted over her as he got on his knees on the ground, putting her legs over his shoulders.

     Her fingers tangled in his hair as he studied the tattoo for a moment, pressing a soft kiss to the skin that he had marred forever. It was so hot, for both of them, but Lily was anxiously awaiting his mouth as if her life depended on it.

     “Please.” she said in the neediest voice Calum had ever heard. He nearly groaned at the sound, turning his attention to where she needed him most.

     Calum closed his eyes as he took his first testing lick, wanting to enjoy every moment, every sound, every motion. Calum loved eating girls out, he never got tired of the control, the power, that being between a woman's legs brought him.

     Lily shuddered at the first contact of his tongue against her and all of Calum’s self control that he had been so desperately trying to hold onto went out the window. He put his mouth on her fully, hands gripping her thighs as he sucked her clit into his mouth. A loud moan was music to his ears as he focused on the small bundle of nerves, sucking as hard as he thought she could handle.

     “Jesus fuck.” Lily moaned, tugging at his hair.

     He loved it when she swore.

     He loved being the cause of her swearing.

     He flicked his tongue against her clit and she cried out louder, both of their grips tightening on each other.

     “Fuck Cal I’m gonna-” but she didn’t get to finish her sentence. Calum sucked harder and Lily fell over the edge, moans and whimpers ringing through the small private room as he body convulsed and Calum helped her through it. She was still shuddering when he pulled away, licking his lips as he stood.

     She looked so beautiful, skin flushed, just as he liked it.

     He gingerly pushed the denim jacket from her shoulders and it slipped to the ground, then his fingers went to the hem of her shirt, pulling that off too. Lily’s eyes were still closed, still in a post orgasm haze as he slowly undressed her, taking his time as his fingers brushed over the tattoos on her arms.

     Lily’s eyes fluttered open and Calum enjoyed the beautiful chocolate coloured eyes that looked up at him with lust. Her hands were shaky as she reached out and began to unbuckle his pants.

     Calum pressed his lips to hers, reaching around to unclasp her bra. The second the fabric felt away, the slowness was gone, once more replaced by complete passion and lust as Lily pushed Calum’s pants down fully.

     She grabbed his hard on and Calum moaned loudly into her mouth as she pumped him a few times, “condoms-” he groaned.

     “Birth control.” she stated.

     Calum moaned again, “holy fuck.”

     He took off his shirt while she continued to work his cock with her hands but as soon as the fabric was gone, he grabbed her fingers, tearing them away and instead putting them on his abdomen, on the skin she’d touched the day before.

     He pulled her closer, teasing her entrance with the head of his cock.

     “Please.” she whimpered, one of her hands going up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling his lips to hers.

     Lily bit down into Calum’s lip and he smirked at the small spasm of pain coursing through his body. He plunged inside of her and Lily moaned, immediately releasing his lip from between her teeth as she gasped into his mouth.

     His hands found her waist, anchoring them both as he began to thrust in and out. His hips were buckling of their own accord, Calum completely enraptured by the small, tattooed, blond sitting on his private tattooing chair.

     He moved his lips to her neck, biting down against the skin as her fingers tightened in his hair, her lips near his ear as she whimpered loudly, biting down on his ear lobe.

     He sucked at her neck, teeth grazing the skin teasingly.

     One of her hands moved to his strong shoulders, nails digging against the skin so hard Calum was sure she would leave marks.

     But, as they both knew, they both enjoyed pain.

     He was getting too close to the edge and he knew it, pulling out of Lily, she whimpered in protest, only to be harshly dragged from the chair and turned around, hips slamming into the soft leather as his hand went to her back, pushing her front so she was flush against the fabric.

     He entered her from behind and they both moaned, the new angle hitting a new spot inside of her that was driving them both insane. His hands on her waist easily moved her body to meet every thrust.

    Calum was completely using her, and she was enjoying every moment.

    A hand wrapped in her blonde hair, tugging so she was standing, back against his chest. His hand moved from her hair to wrap around her front, briefly grabbing her boob and teasing the nipple. Her back arched and she moaned loudly as his hand moved higher still, tattooed fingers wrapping around Lily’s throat.

     Her heart was racing in her chest and with the added pressure on her neck, she was seeing stars. Whiney, high pitched whimpers were leaving her pretty lips and Calum was basking in the noise but fuck, he wanted to engulf them. He wanted to breath her.

     But the chair wouldn’t do. It was hot, but it wouldn’t work.

     This time when Calum pulled out, he dragged the two of them onto the ground, Lily landing on top. She straddled his waist, wasting no time before she sank down on top of him, her hands finding his tattoos chest to anchor herself as she began to move up and down on him.

     His hands went to her waist and he looked up at her in wonder as she found a steady rhythm. Little moans left her mouth as she collapsed forward, lips pressing against Calum’s as one of his hands found her hair.

     The hand on her hip tried tried to assist her, urging for her to move faster. It was amazing, but Calum was getting impatient again, wanting all the power. All the control.

     He flipped them easily and Lily hissed at the cold of the ground on her back but the feeling was immediately forgotten as Calum picked up the fasted rhythm yet.

     Her nails tore into his back and their mouths were close but their lips barely touched as they panted against each other. “Fuck.” Lily said, voice shaky, “I’m gonna cum.”

     “Me too.” Calum moaned, pistoning into her like a wild man. They were both on the edge and one more thrust engulfed Lily, her body fluttering and convulsing around him which made Calum reach his high too.

     He spasmed a little, giving a few more thrusts as their hands tore at each other, mouths hot and pressed together, tongues clashing.

     He slowed down and buried his face in her neck, holding himself over her with his forearms.

     Lily’s fingers traced Calum’s strong shoulders, “wow.” she breathed.

     Calum chuckled, placing one last kiss to her neck before he pulled out and rolled onto the ground next to her.

     They both stared at the ceiling, trying to catch their breaths.

     Calum sat up and Lily got a good look at his back. She’d broken the skin in three places but it looked beautiful.

     Calum groaned, pulling his jeans on. He stood up and buttoned them. Lily appreciated the beautiful man, clad in jeans, looking gorgeous.

     He walked to the sink, grabbing some paper towels. He got on his knees between Lily’s legs and cleaned her up, making sure the tattoo was completely wiped. “Birth control.” he smirked, “fucking love it.”

     Lily laughed, hiding her face with her hands.

     He tossed out the paper towels and came to lie next to her again, pulling her to his side so he could wrap his arm around her.

     “We are so fucked.” Lily groaned.

     Calum laughed.

     They were.

     “So… shawarma?” Lily asked.

     Calum laughed again, “that’s what I was thinking.”

     “Really?” Lily rolled over, hand going to Calum’s chest as she looked up at him.

     “We’re the same person. It’s kind of weird actually.”

     “If we’re the same person, then what am I thinking right now?” Lily asked.

     “You’re thinking that after the schwarma, you should come back to my place and we can trace each others tattoos, go a little slower, and I can make you cum more than just twice.”

     Lily laughed, “We must really be connected.”

----

     When Calum and Lily walked into the tattoo parlour the next morning, each with a black, iced coffee, it was obvious what had happened.

     She was even wearing one of his shirts, paired with the same skirt she’d worn the day before.

     There was a mark on her neck.

     “It’s like they’re not even trying to hide it.” Michael mused.

     “He’s so whipped.” Ashton giggled.

     He was.

     The guys waited until they could get Calum alone when Lily went on a lunch break to finally ask Calum what happened.

     “So are you two finally dating or what?” Luke asked blatantly.

     Calum turned to look at them and a flash of pain marred his face momentarily, “uh-”

     “You okay?” Ashton asked with concern.

     Calum’s eyes widened a little and Michael laughed, “did she tear up your back mate?!”

     “She did!” Luke laughed, “she totally did.”

     Calum blushed and everyone's eyes widened.

     Calum Hood never blushed.

     Ashton smirked, “So when’s the wedding?”

----

     They spend almost every waking hour together that whole week.

     Then the next.

     Then the next.

     The third week, cuddled in his bed, Duke tucked against Lily’s side, Calum finally asked the question: “want to be my girlfriend?”

     He didn’t do love. But he’d never met a girl like Lily before. The past weeks had made him rethink everything he’d ever known to be true. About love, life, happiness.

     Everything had changed.

     Lily looked up at Calum, finger tracing one of the tattoos on his chest, “yeah.” she said, a smile spreading across her face.

     Calum met her gaze, cupping her face to bring her lips to his.

     He smiled against her lips, “Thank god for your fucking florals.”

-----

     It was no shock that one month became two and two became three.

     Attached at the hip like twins, always together, they were the perfect fit. It got to a point where it was almost like they knew what the other was thinking.

     Lily was a year into her apprenticeship when Calum announced that it would be her last week. They’d gone out to celebrate, Calum and Lily had even disappeared to the bathroom to celebrate a little in private, much to the dismay of Ashton and Luke, and the glee of Michael.

     Calum didn’t even bother to ask Lily what tattoo she had planned for him. He trusted her completely.

     The day finally came and once the shop closed, everyone sat around with booze while they watched Lily and Calum. “Pick the place baby.” he smiled.

    Lily took his right arm and chose the spot she’d drawn the first chrysanthemum on all those months ago. Calum didn’t look as she drew the pattern, not wanting to ruin the surprise.

     He chatted easily, unflinching, with the guys as the buzz of the gun softly filled the room.

     “How’s it looking Mike?” Calum asked.

     Michael leaned over, looking at Lily’s marks, “looks sick.” Michael grinned.

     A little while longer and Lily was cleaning the skin, “okay, you’re all done.” she stated.

     Calum brought her lips to his for a kiss before looking down at the tattoo.

     He had accepted it would be floral, in fact, he’d been excited about finally having floral.

     And he wasn’t disappointed. In fact, his heart swelled in his chest.

     Two beautiful Chrysanthemums and a Lily. A little, perfect bouquet, just for him.

     “The chrysanthemums so we match-” she began to explain.

      “And the Lily because you’re you.” Calum finished for her. Lily flushed and Calum grinned, “Can’t get rid of you now can I?” he teased, “I love it.”

     And he did.

     But not as much as he loved the woman who had marked his body forever.

     Not as much as he loved his Lily.

[drtwit]

RWBY and the Shades of EEEEEEVIL!

Villains aren’t exactly uncommon, in fact, you could say they’re a constant thorn in the side of reality that only exist to make a story complicated. They hurt our favorite characters, monologue a second too long, spout threatening one-liners they probably spent weeks in front of the mirror preparing, and sometimes they even have the audacity to have sympathetic qualities just to mess with us even more. In short, they’re a bit rude. However, we’re not here to talk about the sympathetic and redeemable qualities of our nefarious opposition. No comebacks here. No, we’re here to discuss the bushy mustache twirlers, the little Hitler youths, whiny brats and the candy thieves who have a pronounced hatred of puppies.

With pure evil characters who are there to break the story over their knees and practice their maniacal laughter, it’s often that writers forget to incorporate the character’s motivation, or at least fear the mention of that motivation. See, I find that many people find it hard to recognize that even for the most insane and cartoony of bastards, there is a reasoning, however twisted, behind their actions. The Joker commits crimes to spark chaos, push Batman to question his moral code and prove life is just one big joke. Darth Sidious wants to control the entire Galaxy and believe that nothing can be allowed to surpass him, not even his legacy. Zamasu wants to fulfill his image of a perfect universe and see’s Mortals as a stain upon reality. Prince Lacroix wants a bigger dick... Oh yeah, and something about fearing super powered Asians and the apocalypse, but I think he’s just racist. They have motivations and their actions are fueled by how they reason they can achieve their goals.

In RWBY, we have our fair share of evil ice cream flavors. Power hungry Fem Fatal? Darwin’s Edgy Fangirl? Sinster Overlord shrouded in mystery? Extremist swallowed by his hatred? Mustaches? We have them all, so feel free to choose your poison. But the one I want to talk about to illustrate this trend is the most pure evil of the bunch: Jac-ass Schnee.

This blight upon the good name of a bitching stache has been a point of apathy for me in the show, both as a character who always managed to feel like a background character forced to be an antagonist and as poorly done part of Weiss’s arc. He’s the best example of what happen when you need a character to always be a villain, no matter the scene, no matter the context, he always has to be hatable and pathetic to make sure you still hate him. This leads to a rather inconsistent character.

There’s a previous point of contention the fandom had with his post-volume 3 portrayal, where both in the way Weiss acts and how he’s mentioned prior to volume 4, there seems to be a disconnect to the abusive corporate worm we’d eventually meet. In the first three seasons, he and his company is something that Weiss clearly tried to emulate, something Weiss seemed to take enough pride in to be such a snob about it, something that Weiss goes out of her way to defend against accusations from Blake. You get the idea that Weiss’s father is harsh, distant and negligent, but that he’s still someone Weiss seems to hold a little affection for. Go to volume 4 and the way the two interact make it suddenly makes prior Weiss moments rather questionable, she seems suddenly very clear about how much she doesn’t like him, he’s very obvious with how much of a dirt bag he is and the everything we learn about the SDC and Atlas elite in general make it hard to think Weiss wouldn’t have agreed with Blake back in volume 1. Hell, I found it odd how Winter back in volume 3 cared about Weiss not returning her abusive father’s calls, you’d think Winter would be like “Yeah, fuck ‘em.”

But okay, maybe it’s just some subtleties missed, Jacques is the straight up corporate sleazebag, doing anything he can to get that payday. He has money, and he knows how to use it, dominating the market and knowing which shortcuts to take to move things in his favor. Now, let’s strip away these elements to the concrete core of the the type of evil Jac is. His evil is one of apathy towards morals in the face of greed. He wants money and power, and doesn’t care what he has to do to get it. He’s a good business man who’s worked his way up the ladder. This worked for volume 4, he uses Weiss as a symbol of sympathy towards future buyers at a party, he pretends to care about the fall of Beacon to look good and slaps Weiss when she starts to threaten that with her antics.

And then here comes volume 7 to take him down in the lamest way possible. We have the build up: Weiss running away, the songs about her wanting to break free, the whole motivation of bringing the SDC back to it’s former glory, the fear of having to return to Atlas on her own, ect. He’s her personal villain and as such you’d expect her returning home after he’s had two volumes to build up his already substantial power during a crisis where his business is needed more than ever, he’d take on a rather daunting role as secondary antagonist to Watts and Tyrian. Our first scene with him in volume 7 tells us the answer.

He storms in, easily loses his cool, is revealed that no one really likes him, Ironwood makes it clear he has very little power here, he’s unable to do anything other than throw petty insults at Weiss and immediately he’s stopped being the corporate bastard he’s supposed to be. This continues with the rest of the volume with him, where the writing seems to make him multiple villains at the same time and reduce him to Watts’s mindless flunkie who could have been replaced by any character. His actions don’t connect to his motivation and situation, there’s nothing that makes me believe that he actually reasoned that this would advance his goals.

He’s a ruthless business man who brought the SDC from poultry earnings to a global monopoly. But he doesn’t have one lick of charisma or cunning to the point he thinks taking away people’s jobs will get them to support him rather than hate him.

His company is constantly facing controversies, accusations and attacks with apparently everyone hating him. But he has shit security and isn’t the least bit paranoid of bugs from potential journalists in his house.

He wants money, power and security. But goes along with Watt’s plans that clearly weaken Atlas’s defenses and isn’t suspicious at all at Watts wanting admin access to Mantle’s entire system with no attempt at insurance in case the clearly suspicious mad man doesn’t stab him in the back.

He doesn’t care about Weiss at all, she’s simply a means to an end, even disowning Winter for joining the military. But he still let Weiss attend Beacon, went back to get Weiss from Beacon when he had Jac 2.0 on standby to be his heir.

He’s a man who’s been in the game of feeding people bullshit for years to justify his bad deeds. But he immediately crumbles the moment he’s accused of anything.

He wants to sweep all accusations of unfair labor practices under the rug so they don’t damage his business. But apparently he allowed faunus to get branded with his logo.

On and on it goes, where his motivation is thrown away because “He’s evil, he doesn’t need a reason to do bad things.”. Joker wants to push Batman over the edge, thus he creates a situation that fucks with Batman’s moral code. Sidious wants to crush the Galaxy’s hope, so he constructs a symbol of fear big enough that it can be seen looming overhead from the planet below. Zamasu wants to purge the universe, so he takes the body of the man who embodies the ‘sins’ of mortals and travels to another timeline to make sure the much more powerful Gods and Zeno can’t interfere with his plans. La Fuckwad knows that everyone is looking for an excuse to get rid of him and knows the apocalypse might be coming, so he manipulates a fledgling vampire to get him the sarcophagus of an ancient vampire so he can absorb that refine ‘87 vintage blood wine and become powerful enough to survive.

You can see how they reason they need to do the things they do to achieve their goal. What connects A to B. The only way Jac’s action sync up with his motivation is if he is such a profound moron that Weiss besting him means nothing. “Wow, you beat the illiterate kid at reading, well done.”

As I stated earlier, Jac is viewed strictly as a bastard, strictly as Weiss’s antagonist, in every scene the show has to push in our faces that he’s the bad guy and that Weiss is superior to him. He never gains an advantage over Weiss, or puts Weiss in a difficult situation, he never has a real chance in this story. He is there to be arrested by Weiss. Every scene changes him to be the villain it needs for him to be for us to hate him the most. So, in some he will be calm and composed to frustrate us, while others he’ll be made to yell like a petulant child to make him pathetic and other’s he’ll just be stroking his mustache. His first confrontation with her ends with him getting slapped down and humiliated, then he’s just a yes man who does what Watts tells him to do with no thought or agency, then Weiss just walks into his party, get’s handed victory on a silver platter and arrests him.

That’s it. You got your ice cream flavors, and all of them can be pretty good on their own. However, if you get a bunch of them, stick them in a bowl and then just take a few bites and leave ‘em out in the sun, all you’re gonna get is regular intervals of a muddy looking puddle that eventually becomes grey sludge.

[demethinkstoomuch]

Deme Rates Villagers: Cubs

It’s Bears, but Smaller!

(Why didn’t I lump Bears and Cubs the way I did Cows and Bulls? Because there are a fair number of them, I think.)

I have also realized that, rather than a numerical rating, an emoticon rating might be better. I may do numbers from time to time, and so likely will not go back for the others. There will not be a scale, but a broad expression of my feelings. Or a mimic of their faces. Or a comment. Sometimes.

Disclaimer: Images are from the wiki, all good dogs, my ratings are mainly just there because “Deme gives her abstract thoughts on villagers” is hardly a catchy thing.

Aisle

Another Animal Forest E+ exclusive, another villager that looks like they came out of a Rare game like Banjo-Kazooie or Conker’s Bad Fur Day, even though this one doesn’t feature any exact equivolents. On the whole, I think the high contrast between the blue fur and the tuft of blond hair is a bad look, but the big blue eyes being sort of heavy-lidded and dour’s kind of cute.

Rating: :|

Barold

Barold is great. Like, I don’t entirely know what they’re going for with him -- he vaguely suggests either Fred Flinstone or an IT guy in my head -- but I love it either way.  (Fred Flinstone: 5 o’ clock shadow, shirt. IT Guy: Eeyes have kind of a glasses shape, beard).  He’s oozing with character, albeit a strange character, and do I detect little white pawsies? I do!

Rating: B’|

Bluebear

She’s a bear! She’s blue! She’s got a little white and a little pink, which gives her a nicely over-all pastel look. I like the darker blue (Fire Emblem Lord Blue, perhaps?) hair on her. She is just cute.

Rating: :)

Cheri

Another colorful bear cub, this one, pink! I like her, she’s sassy. Nice eyebrows that pair with her eyes to give her an impression of moxie that’s still quite cute. Hair is spiky, which adds to that. She’s peppy, which means that by peppy standards, she’s pretty edgy, in a weird, pink little bear way. Either way, she’s rather cute.

Rating: :]

Chester

Man, what do the Animal Crossing devs have against just letting pandas be cute? Chow, Chester... They’re both just sort of weird in a way that I find, funnily enough, more unsettling or dull than charming. Long pupils are not friend-shaped; if they leaned into the creepy, like with a goat, that would be one thing, but it rather spoils Chester. The sad-looking mouth could be cute, but it’s a bit big for that. Almost there, Chester, but just not.

Rating: :(

Cupcake

So, Cupcake is kind of Cheri, but with a half-hearted snootification effort via heavy-lidded eyeshadow eyes. Meh.

Rating: :[ (Like Cheri, but worse.)

Judy

A New Horizons new villager, and Judy is sure an aesthetic! The pastel gradients, the enormous sparkly eyes with the big shojou lashes, she just screams that she belongs in a gothic lolita girl’s arms during a photoshoot. Get this bear a lace-up dress. She could be an extra Hello Kitty collab character or something. I’m not actually a huge fan of Judy, but I cannot possibly deny that she is wonderfully what she is, and so while the agressively UWU quality to her isn’t for me, but I can’t help but applaud it. Dedication! Also, I like the subtler blush. It works.

Rating:  (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

June

June is maaaybe my favorite cub, she’s just simple and pleasant-looking, without being a pastel screaming-fest, Her colorscheme and implied heavy fringe has a sort of... Like, it makes her big blue eyes and over-all cuteness read “girl next door,” sort of an ordinary, natural cute. And then you add the cute big hibiscus for a little pop that contrasts with her eyes. It’s just a real cute look. I’d probably, though, if I were to consider adopting her, check to make sure her eyes aren’t super weird when you look at them from other angles. It’s a bad fate to befall a villager.

Rating:  (◕‿◕✿) (Babe, hold my flower)

Kody

Hey, look, it’s one of my starter New Leaf villagers! Kody was the last of my first villagers to move out, too, sticking around for quite a while indeed. His departure left a hole that Clyde entered through via someone’s void, and I was not happy about that. As a result, I feel fonder of Kody than I would otherwise, since otherwise, he’s just, you know, a blue bear with a darker blue spot, like many animals that are just like that except not bears. It can be charming with the right face, but there’s nothing particularly noteworthy about his face. It’s just Kody. There he is. Old chum.

Rating:  ˅ u ˅ Ah, the memories...

Maple

Awwww, look at her! She’s just precious, very simple, with implied floofy bangs and bright little dot eyes. Even the pink sticker blush works better with her colors than I see in a lot of places. If June didn’t have her flowers, maybe I’d be here saying Maple’s my favorite. Maybe Maple is my favorite, I don’t know. She feels like angelfood cake, you, know? Light, pleasant, sweet...Though, admittedly, not especially flavorful.  She’s just cute as she is.

Rating:  ‘ ◕  w ◕ ‘

Marty

Ah, a Sanrio villager! ...Not one of the cuter ones, really. Looks sort of like a honey jar bear to me, which is, I suppose, something. His eyebrows have an unassuming quality, like he’s just a normal guy.

Rating: Normal Guy / Guys

Murphy

Remember everything I said about Kody? Yeah, still true about Murphy. His coloring is just sort of “spotted bear,” now in green. But! He does have big square eyebrows and big square eyes, which give him a bit of extra character, reliably and kinda sleepy. A good face.

Rating = w = (A good thing, I promise.)

Olive

Olive is a villager I’ve heard compared to Maple a lot -- it’s the shirt, I suppose, but really, more than that. Her color scheme is also pretty naturalistic and grounded, she has a cute bang outline. She doesn’t push the cute as hard, but that might make her more comfortable, less out-and-out cutesy to folks. That said, her eyes just have that quality I found with the birds, where something about them, paired with the surprised eyebrows, that feels kinda blank, like they reveal nothing. Staring. These eyes have seen too much. But she’s still pretty cute, won’t lie.

Rating: O-O

Pekoe

Aww, isn’t she cute? This screenshot makes her look more cream-colored than I’m used to thinking of her as, a dramatic bonus to her over-all level of adorable. Pekoe’s use of ears to suggest little covered hair-buns is pretty flavorful; it makes me wonder if they almost wanted to make a cute, very on-theme panda, and then decided “No, let’s just make her a white bear, good enough.”  Still, her face is cute, too, with a distinct set of eyes carrying through the same sort of design sensibilities as her hair and ears/buns, intensely stylized. It’s a nice look.

Rating: :)

Poko

What is with the shape of his head? You all see that, right, where his head is a totally different, longer, shape? Why? What does it mean? Is it meant to be like a mask? If it were meant to be a long mask, that’d be cool. I don’t think it is? It’s a mystery that he would need another appearance to solve, and that’s not happening.

Rating: ? :/

Poncho

Poncho’s cute. He’s basically just blue Olive, though the bangs are less fwooshy. Still, I find him a bit cuter than Olive, because the oval eyes sort of soften the effect of round on round on round that looks strange and staring; this is a bit more cartoony and cute. That’s about it from me. Pretty cute.

Rating: 0 ˅ 0

Pudge

Oh, Pudge looks so sad and alone! I want to hug and protect him! I’ve checked other screenshots, that’s just how Pudge’s face is, and it’s so precious! I do not get the freen on the ears and tip of tail, though. I do not understand why this is a thing, and I cannot say I approve of it. It’s kind of a distracting negative among this otherwise adorable design of a baby I just want to protect!

Rating: (> ‘ . ’)> Come here and let me hug you!

Stitches

OK, so, maybe if it’s not June or Maple, maybe Stitches is best cub. Certainly, he’s the most thematically strong, with this adorable patchwork teddybear design! His eyes evoke a really cute version of his name, little stitches. Just adorable and aesthetically on-point and I’m really happy to see him. I could see him with a place on my island, if I only didn’t have too many villagers I could see with a place.

Rating :D or, alternatively, XwX just for him.

Tammy

Oh, it’s almost all the things I dislike in a villager design. Random colors without real cohesion or purpose, just “well, this is a colorful animal” that clash with other randomly-selected colors (orange blush, deep rose eyeshadow, pale pink inner ears, white muzzle/paws, brown bangs) with eyeshadowed eyes to say “Hey this is a snooty” without going all-in for glamor-comedy? I think we’ve hit bingo. Funnily enough, I think this might be my least-favorite cub.

Rating: :(

Vladimir

Vladimir is ugly with dedication. Vladimir is ugly with a passion. Vladimir is ugly with soul and purpose. Buck teeth and that flatly furrowed, thin, no-brow-unibrow! Those awful bangs! Truly, Vladimir is an artist’s study in ugly-cute. I can’t say that it works to vaunt him into a villager I’d really love to have around, but I can profoundly respect him.

Rating:    ಠ ῳ ಠ

The cubs are good, in conclusion. A good mix of aesthetics, and at least 3 I rather like, which is a good number. Also, I got to whip out some Japanese emoticons, and isn’t that important?

[buzzdixonwriter]

Cowboys And Cavemen

This one’s gonna meander, but it’s about cavemen and cowboys and dinosaurs, so some of you may wanna stick around…

. . .

Recently watched the colorized version of One Million B.C. with Victor mature, Carole Landis, and Lon Chaney Jr.

I remember frequently watching the original black & white version of this as a kid; it popped up on local Early Shows a lot primarily because it could be chopped down to fit an hour’s running time without losing too much of the story (Early Shows were afternoon movies with a local host that typically ran only 90 minutes from 4:30-6pm; with commercials and host segments there wasn’t much room for uncut films and as a result they featured a lot of B-movies with 65 minute running times, or else cut out sequences from longer films not germane to the plot).

The colorized version surprised me in a couple of ways.  

First, I’d forgotten just how well done One Million B.C. is in basic film making terms:  Once past the opening scene, in which an archeologist explains some cave drawings to a group of mountaineers who then imagine themselves in prehistoric times, there’s no recognizable dialog; the film is told in purely visual terms.

Second, the colorization was incredibly sloppy:  There’s a lot of weird blue artifacting going on that lays a strange mist-like quality over several scenes, and in several places the colorists inexplicably either colored the actors’ bare legs blue or else overlooked the mistake in the final color correction.

Third, the sloppy colorization doesn’t matter:  If anything, it adds to the weird dream-like quality of the film.  As an attempt to realistically recreate the prehistoric past, it’s gawdawful; taken as the imaginings of an average contemporary 1940s person with no real knowledge of prehistoric times (viz the prolog), and it’s pretty entertaining.

Technically the movie is a mixed bag.  The special effects are pretty seamless (yeah, you can tell when something is a rear screen shot, but then again rear screen shots in every film of that era were obvious)).  A travelling matte shot of a hapless cavewoman buried under a flood of lava is particularly well done and as amazing today as it was then (though the colorists dropped the ball and didn’t tint it a vivid red or orange in the colorized version).

There’s a lot of monsters, but they range from well done to just plaine…well…

The best are a woolly mammoth (i.e., an elephant in shaggy fur costume) and a baby triceratops (a large pig in costume) that really seem to capture the essence pf those creatures.

The worst is a guy in an allosaurus suit who kinda just shuffles along like a grandparent going to the bathroom, and in the middle are various lizards dressed up with fins and horns.

The lizards bother me more and more over the years.  At first it was because they were disappointing -- they don’t look like dinosaurs, dammit, but like lizards with fins and horns glued on -- but now it’s because I realize they were goaded by their handlers into fights and reactions shots.

That’s plain ol’ animal cruelty, even if they are reptiles and not mammals.

There’s an armadillo and a koala-like animal that appear thousands of times their normal size.  The koala-like critter (sorry, but I don’t know what it actually is) is passable as a giant cave bear or sloth, but the armadillo is just an armadillo (there was something about armadillos that 1930s audience found creepy; they’re waddling all over the Count’s hiding place in the original Dracula).

One Million B.C. was produced by Hal Roach and Hal Roach Jr.  The senior Roach goes all the way back to the silent era, so this was not a huge stretch for him.  

Originally D.W. Griffith was to direct the film, but while he did a lot of pre-production work including screen and wardrobe tests, he either dropped out or was replaced on the eve of production.  (Reportedly he wanted the cave tribes to speak recognizable English and left when Roach refused.)

The special effects wound up in a ton of movies and TV shows over the ensuing decades; modern audiences are more familiar with the film through 1950s sci-fi than its original version.

All else aside, the picture is carried by stars Victor Mature and Carole Landis.  Ms Landis in particular is a spunky, charming cave gal with a blonde-fro and while Mature would never be an Oscar contender, he at least has the physicality and screen presence to get his character across.

The scene where he thinks Landis has died in a volcanic eruption may be corny, but you can feel his character’s grief.

. . .

A quarter of a century later it was remade as One Million Years B.C. with John Richardson in the Victor mature role and Raquel Welch in the Landis role.  

No disrespect to Welch, who by all accounts is a nice person, but she never showed one iota the acting chops of Carole Landis.  Welch is beautiful, and as a generic pin-up model cast as a film’s “sexy lamp” (look it up), she presented appealing eye-candy.  She appeared in one good sci-fi film (Fantastic Voyage), one campy monster movie (i.e., One Million Years B.C.), two incredibly campy WTF-were-they-thinking movies (The Magic Christian and Myra Breckenridge), and a host of instantly forgettable spy films and Westerns.  The best movies she appeared in were Fuzz, based on the 87th Precinct novels by Ed McBain (a.k.a. Evan Hunter nee Salvatore Lombino), where she did an acceptable supporting turn as a police detective, and Kansas City Bomber, a roller derby movie that many consider her best role.

Landis never enjoyed the same level of fame (or notoriety, depending on your POV) that Welch did, but holy cow, could the gal act.  It’s a pity Hollywood is crowded with talented, beautiful people because she certainly deserved a bigger career capstone than One Million B.C..

Welch’s personal life certainly proved less traumatic than Landis’, however.  When actor Rex Harrison broken off his affair with her rather than divorce his wife, Landis committed suicide.

The scandal exiled Harrison temporarily back to England.  A few years later One Million B.C. and Landis’ other films started playing on television.

Who knows what opportunities may have opened for her in that medium?

. . .

The original One Million B.C.  is vastly superior in all areas but one (well, two -- mustn’t leave out the catfight between Welch and Martine Beswick):  Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion dinosaurs

Mind you, most of the dino scenes in One Million Years B.C. are underwhelming.  To stretch the budget the producers used close ups of spiders and an iguana to simulate giant monsters, a brontosaurus does a walk through in one scene and never appears again, and the first big dino moment has cave gals poking sharp sticks at a big sea turtle.

On the other hand, the remaining trio of dino scenes are the aces and vastly superior to their corresponding scenes in One Million B.C..  The latter film’s allosaur attack is one of the best dino scenes ever animated, and the ceratosaurus vs triceratops battle followed by the pteranodon grabbing Welch are almost as good.

Both versions of the film had an interesting influence on films that followed.  One Million Years B.C. was followed by a host of prehistoric films, most of which existed only to cast voluptuous actresses in fur bikinis although When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth, a direct follow-up, offered more monsters and a better story.

While One Million B.C. wasn’t the first film to sub real life lizards for dinos, it certainly told budget conscious producers that such substitutions were okay.

The 1959 version of Journey To The Center Of The Earth cast iguanas with glued on fins as dimetrodons, and for once the impersonation proved successful as the two species do bear certain similarities.

Producer Irwin Allen (he of Lost In Space and Towering Inferno fame) hired Willis O;Brien (the animator behind the original King Kong) and his then assistant Ray Harryhausen to do accurate-for-the-era stop motion dinosaurs for The Animal World documentary but apparently frustrated by the time it took to get results opted for lizards in his version of The Lost World (which, ironically, O’Brien worked on in a non-animation capacity despite having done the original silent version of the film with stop motion dinosaurs).

I saw Allen’s Lost World as a little boy and felt grossly disappointed by the obvious lizards, especially since the script identified them as belong to specific dinosaur species when they quite clearly didn’t (had the script said they evolved from such creatures, the way the most recent version of King Kong did, it would have been less egregious).

Allen’s lizards popped up in several TV shows he did, most notably the TV version of Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea.  That show’s co-star David Hedison played a supporting role in The Lost World so once a season they found some excuse to get him out of his Navy uniform and into a safari jacket in order to match footage with stock shots from the movie.

The Animal World wasn’t the first time O’Brien and Harryhausen worked together, and Harryhausen followed up One Million Years B.C. with The Valley Of Gwangi, an O’Brien project that the older effects artist never got off the ground.

. . .

Let’s back up a bit to discuss “O’Bie” (as his fans refer to him).

O’Brien was a former cowboy-turned-cartoonist around the early 20th century who became interested in animation.

Movies were in their infancy then, and O’Bie shot a short test reel of two clay boxers duking it out.

This got him financing to do a series of short films ala The Flintstones with titles like Rural Delivery, One Million B.C. (the titles were often longer than the films).

These shorts featured cartoony puppets, no actual actors.  O’Bie followed it up with The Ghost Of Slumber Mountain which was the first time dinosaurs were animated in an attempt to make them look real, and that was followed by The Lost World in which O’Bie combined live action with special effects, climaxing the film with a brontosaurus running amok in London.

O’Bie wanted to follow it up with a film called Creation but that got deep sixed.  However, producer Merian C. Cooper saw O’Bie’s test footage for Creation and hired him to do the effects for the legendary King Kong.

While O’Bie followed that success with the quickie Son Of Kong he never got to work on a dinosaur film of such scope again.

War Eagles (a lost-civilization-with-dinos story) was supposed to have been a big follow up epic, but the Depression and the growing threat of WWII caused it to be cancelled in pre-production.

During the 1940s O’Bie pitched a number of stories to studios involving dinosaurs or other monsters encountering cowboys, one of which was Gwangi (he also pitched King Kong vs Frankenstein which eventually got made as King Kong vs Godzilla using two guys in rubber suits, not his beloved stop motion effects).

Gwangi had cowboys discovering a lost canyon inhabited by dinosaurs, chief of which being Gwangi, an allosaurus.  O’Bie never got Gwangi off the ground but decades later Harryhausen did with Valley Of Gwangi.

. . .

I never cared for Valley Of Gwangi and much preferred One Million Years B.C. over it (and, no, not because of Ms Welch).

Growing up in the 1950s and early 1960s, I enjoyed cowboys as much as dinosaurs.

I’ve posted elsewhere how my interest in dinosaurs led me to dinosaur movies which led to monster movies which led to science fiction movies which led to literary science fiction which led to science fiction fandom which led to my writing career, but my genre of choice before age 10 was Westerns.

As others point out, most Westerns are actually crime stories, what with bandits robbing stagecoaches and banks, rustlers making off with cattle, etc.  The climax usually involves a lawman (or a vigilante who carries the weight of the law) confronting the evil doers and bringing them to justice.

Sometimes these vigilantes wore masks (Zorro and the Lone Ranger).  Sometimes those they pursued wore masks, and sometimes those masked villains pretended to be ghosts or phantoms.

They weren’t, and were invariably exposed as frauds.

Westerns based themselves in a rational world.

Other times a criminal in a Western would be after some invention that could bring either a great boon (say an energy source) or great harm (a death ray) to the world, and wanted it for their own selfish ends.

The story would invariably use the invention as a mcguffin device, maybe letting it figure into the villain’s eventual comeuppance, but never really influencing the outcome of the plot.

Westerns and fantasy genres (including science fiction) don’t mix well, The Wild Wild West not withstanding (and The Wild Wild West was not a Western per se but rather what we would now call a steampunk commentary on James Bond filtered through the lens of traditional American Westerns).

(And don’t bring up Gene Autry And The Phantom Empire, just…don’t…)

Dinosaurs and cowboys don’t really go together.

That didn’t stop O’Bie from trying.

In addition to Gwangi, O’Bie had two other projects that he did get off the ground:  The Brave One and The Beast From Hollow Mountain.

The Beast From Hollow Mountain is a standard Western about mysterious cattle disappearances and quarrels over who might be responsible, only to discover in the end it’s really -- surprise!  surprise! -- a solitary tyrannosaurus that somehow survived since prehistoric times.

The movie is constructed in such a way that had the dinosaur element not panned out, they could have removed it and substituted a more conventional ending.

While O’Bie didn’t work directly on the film after he sold the story, it did feature a variant of stop motion animation known as replacement animation.  Instead of building a realistic looking puppet with rubber skin and posable limbs, the dino in Beast was more solid and featured interchangeable limbs that could stretch and squash in a more realistic manner (rather, the movement looked more realistic, the dino sculpture no so much…).

The Brave One started life as a story about a young Mexican boy who raises a prize bull for the ring, only to have the bull face an allosaurus in the ring instead of a matador.

The producers who bought that idea hired blacklisted screenwriter Dalton Trumbo to turn it into something filmable, and Trumbo sensibly jettisoned the dino to focus the story on the boy and his bull, much to the film’s advantage (it won an Oscar for best story when released, but Trumbo’s heirs had to wait decades before the award could be recognized as due their father).

The Valley Of Gwangi was yet another variant on the same basic idea, more expansive than the other two in terms of dinosaurs, and with at least a nod in the direction of trying to explain them (a “lost canyon” giving them shelter instead of a mountain plateau or remote island).

It never connected with me, despite having more extensive dino sequences than One Million Years B.C..

O’Bie animated stop motion cowboys fighting a giant ape in the original version of Mighty Joe Young but the context proved different.  The cowboys’ presence in Africa is acknowledge in the film itself as a publicity gimmick, and therefore not a true blend of the American West with a fantastic element.

Mr. Joseph Young of Africa himself, a 12-foot tall gorilla, was also presented as an exceptionally large but otherwise natural gorilla, not a throwback to a prehistoric era.

. . .

Before there were action figures, but long after there were tin soldiers, we had plastic play sets.

They came in all eras and varieties, but among the most popular were Wild West sets, Civil War, World War Two, and dinosaurs.

My father took a business trip to Chicago when I was four, and when he came back I remember eagerly crowding around the suitcase with my mother, grandmother, and aunt as he opened it and brought out souvenirs for us.

I forget what they got, but I remember feeling disappointed and forgotten since their stuff was on top.

But, underneath everything else, sat a large cardboard box, and in that box was a Marx Prehistoric Times playset.

It’s hard to adequately describe the joy that filled my heart when I opened it; it was one of the best presents I’ve ever received.

And while I later acquired a Civil War set and a World War Two set and a bag of what we then called cowboy and Indian figures, the dinosaurs remained my most favorite.

I bring this up because I think the Marx playsets explain the origins of two comics books, Turok, Son Of Stone (an on-again / off-again series from 1954 to 1982 from Dell / Gold Key) and The War That Time Forgot (1960-68 from DC).

In both cases, I’m sure somebody from each company saw some kid combing their Wild West or their World War Two playsets with their dinos and realized there was story gold to be found there.

The War That Time Forgot felt much more my speed, a lost island inhabited by dinosaurs and visited by American and Japanese forces during World War Two.

World War Two effectively ended any hope of their being a lost island with prehistoric monsters; pretty much the entire planet was scouted either on foot or by air.

Turok, Son Of Stone didn’t connect with me.  For one thing, it was too much like a Western in concept; for another, Turok and his brother Andar, being pre-Columbian Native Americans, were already from a neolithic culture, and the various cavemen and Neanderthals they encountered in their lost valley seemed more drab and colorless than their tribal background.

The dinosaurs they encountered always came across as large, dangerous, but wholly natural animals, different only from bears and wolves and bison by size and appearance.

Despite my indifference to Turok, I can absolutely understand why others love it and disdain The War That Time Forgot.

Different strokes for different folks.

. . .

We can’t close this without taking a look at The Flintstones, and we can’t consider The Flintstones without first examining Tex Avery’s The First Bad Man in order to bring this post full circle.

There’s a long history (har!) of contemporary satire using a prehistoric lens.  The Flintstones started life as a knockoff of Jackie Gleason’s The Honeymooners told in a prehistoric setting; the series made no attempt to present itself as realistic in any shape, fashion, or form.

Among the many cartoons and short subjects that preceded it (including Chuck Jones’ Daffy Duck And The Dinosaur) is The First Bad Man by Tex Avery, an MGM theatrical cartoon.

Tex told the story of Dinosaur Dan, the world’s first outlaw, using Western tropes told through a prehistoric lens.

It works, because it’s a parody of the Western form, not a sincere effort to blend it with the caveman genre.  It works because it’s a jarring clash of genres, not despite it.

The caveman genre itself has fallen on fallow times.  Despite films like The Quest For Fire and Clan Of The Cave Bear attempting to do realistic takes on the topic, most people seem to prefer more fanciful approaches, best exemplified by the movie Caveman which sent up the entire genre while not skimping on the stop motion dinos.

With sword & sorcery / Tolkienesque fantasies finally acceptable to mass audiences and thus providing a venue for humans to directly fight giant monsters, there doesn’t seem to be a huge demand for a return to the glories of One Million B.C.

  © Buzz Dixon

[briangroth27]

Ready or Not Review

I really liked Ready or Not! It’s a very entertaining horror adventure with a healthy dose of comedy and a great lead in Samara Weaving. The supporting cast is on point too and everyone involved more than capably delivers a really fun thrill ride!

Full Spoilers...

Weaving's Grace is hoping to find a family once she marries her fiancé, Alex (Mark O’Brien), but everything goes wrong when his family tradition of playing a game each wedding night leaves her running for her life. Weaving imbues Grace with a winning way that makes her easy to root for, which is very important since we don't learn much about her interests or aspirations outside the family here. Her interactions with and reactions to the members of the Le Domas clan (along with her struggle to survive) give us a good grasp of who she is as a person (and that's just as if not more important as her biography), but I would've liked to know what she wanted out of life beyond a family and a solid home. Given no one in the movie really gets those details, however, it doesn't feel like she was slighted or underwritten. Her drive to have a family after living through foster homes was strong enough to give her a relatable goal and to fuel the tragedy that what she wants demands her death. The movie sends her through the ringer and Weaving absolutely sold Grace's growing confidence and grit in the face of so many would-be killers. She wasn't ever helpless or short of the ability to defend herself, but carving out an independent life apart from what she wanted was handled really well as the metaphorical component to her literal struggle to survive. I really liked that her most deliberate murder was the one that also eliminated any chance of a happy marriage to Alex, since she kills his mom Becky (Andie MacDowell), whom he loved her more than his new wife.

The script and direction did a great job of balancing Alex’s wish that he was different from his family with the dawning truths that he really did believe as they did and that he would choose them over Grace. The very act of putting her in a situation that could lead to her death without telling her—even if the Hide & Seek card hadn't been drawn in 30 years—was a huge red flag and I'm glad they followed through to the conclusion of that plot point. The romantic music swelling when he told Grace he'd proposed to her because she'd leave him otherwise didn't convince me that he was a good guy (he would have explained why they couldn’t get married or just let her go rather than risk her life if he really loved her), so I was happy the movie used the romantic music as a trick instead of a true emotional beat. There were other small hints at his turn along the way, so his was a nicely-constructed and acted arc too.

Alex’s brother Daniel (Adam Brody) was initially drawn as sleazy and unlikable, so I wasn’t expecting either of the moments where he helps Grace escape. I definitely didn’t think he’d turn out to be the best of his clan, particularly given his role in the last Hide & Seek game they played. However, I fully bought his turn after Brody and the movie showed the toll his choice back then had taken on him and how exhausted with everything about his family he was. Most of the Le Domas family were pretty affable on the surface (accounting for niceties at a wedding), and the actors and writers crafted a nice blend of reasons for them to stick with the family as well as some very entertaining comic relief within the group. Like Grace, we don’t hear a lot about their goals or dreams, but through the writing and performances it was easy to see who these people were from their actions and interactions alone. I did believe that they were truly hoping the Hide & Seek card wasn’t pulled and not just because they knew they’d all be terrible at hunting a person. That obviously doesn’t excuse any of their actions—they still put Grace in that position and immediately went through with trying to kill her to save themselves and the family business—but I liked that the movie took the step of giving them a bit of humanity before carrying out their ritual. That actually made them scarier, since people who do evil, selfish things are still people and pretending that only inhuman monsters are murderers (or racists, sexists, white supremacists, etc.) is dangerous.

There are some solid foils set up for Grace amongst the women of the Le Domas family. Becky is who Grace might want to be: the outsider welcomed into the family so that she can build a large one of her own and in doing so, find a stable home. They have the closest bond, come from similar lower class backgrounds, and the movie makes note of them both being smokers, providing another small connection between them (even if Grace lies about it to impress Becky). The ironically-named Charity (Elyse Levesque) is the cliché reflection of Grace (and possibly how we’d expect a wealthy family to see someone joining them from the lower classes): she’s literally there for the money and security that being part of this family provides. Emilie (Melanie Scrofano) is Grace without her grit (and what Grace hopes the family doesn’t see her as): a screw-up in over her head who has no idea what she’s doing, but who’s desperate to impress the family. Aunt Helene (Nicky Guadagni), on the other hand, is who Grace could be if she were all grit and devotion to the family. Looking at them this way had me wondering if the men in the Le Domas clan are foils for Alex as well. Daniel is set up as the red herring evil brother and their trajectories are opposites: Alex left but never really “left” the family while Daniel stayed, but that only allowed him to stew in how terrible they all are. Fitch (Kristian Bruun) does bring up cutting and running once, but ultimately he’s fully willing to go along with the ritual and between Alex fleeing the family and Daniel drinking himself into snark, before Alex’s turn Fitch is kind of the best son Tony (Henry Czerny) has (even if he’s a son-in-law, ensuring he’ll never be treated like blood). Tony’s devoted to the ritual and will absolutely kill to protect his family, though he wishes he didn’t have to. He’s what Alex probably would have become had Grace pulled a different card. Emilie and Fitch’s sons Georgie (Liam MacDonald) and Gabe (Ethan Tavares) also mirror Daniel and Alex, with one of them being hidden for most of the movie and the other taking part in the family’s ritual “because everyone else was doing it.” 

Since I saw the first trailer, I was hoping Mr. Le Bael would be a real demon, so I absolutely loved that he actually was mystically sustaining this family’s fortune in exchange for this ritual! Just before that reveal, when it seemed nothing would happen to the family for not killing Grace before dawn, the family’s awkward “well shoot…what do we do now?” moment was played perfectly, so that was a bit of the best of both worlds. I thought Grace was going to have to fight off the whole family at once somehow, since they’d still have to kill her to get away with it. However, the parade of exploding devil worshipers that followed instead was a fitting end to these terrible people: they’re all brought down by the thing they thought would make their dreams come true (which is a nice parallel to Grace’s biggest dream turning into a nightmare). I thought Mr. Le Bael might offer Grace a deal of her own for surviving the night, but I’m glad he just gave her a nod of approval instead.

The violence throughout the film expertly walks the same cartoony/serious line that the tone of the whole movie does. That’s very hard to do while still keeping the stakes high, but this movie completely and consistently pulls it off. There’s a lot of gore (though not too gross-out graphic IMO) that’s used well to comedic effect, until Grace starts getting injured and it takes a turn to decidedly not comedic; then they play the seriousness and pain of those injuries just as effectively. While the accidental deaths are comical, I wish they weren’t solely reserved for women (Hanneke Talbot, Celine Tsai, and Daniela Barbosa, who play the Le Dormas maids), though I suppose that’s the comment on these villains: this rich family didn’t care about their value beyond bemoaning how well they’d served them.

Criticisms of the upper class like that are effectively deployed throughout the film, from joining/maintaining a ridiculously wealthy family being the only way several characters think they can have a good/secure life, to the only non-white people associated with the family being among their hired and quickly-forgotten help, to their fortune being built on games rather than socially-helpful endeavors (not that diversions aren’t important) as if they’ve never had to take anything but this ritual seriously (not to mention the literal deal with the devil alleviating any hard work they might’ve had to do to make said fortune), to the flimsy “this is just how I was raised” excuse Alex and Georgie give. Given that the butler Stevens (John Ralston), Tony, and Helene are the most effective/vicious hunters, there’s also a vibe that the old white people are the ones fighting hardest to maintain their traditions (sometimes even if they know they don’t make sense anymore) and way of life by using the younger generation as expendable pawns and targets. Even when outside authority figures are trying to be helpful, they’re ultimately playing into the Le Domas family’s interests instead of the common person’s, like when Grace explains that she’s being hunted and the family car’s security agent Justin (Nat Faxon) turns the car off (since it’s been reported stolen) while offering half-meant hopes (and prayers?) that she makes it out alive. 

The score is fun (and the Hide & Seek song is very creepy!), while the production design of the Le Domas mansion and the movie in general feels perfectly fitting for this kind of story (as others online have pointed out). The pacing is excellent, giving us enough time to get to know Grace and her new family in the first act before everything goes crazy, which also gives her a glimpse of the life she wants before ripping it away and lets them play some relatable “dealing with the in-laws” gags. Once the game begins, the comedy and thrills don’t stop until the end!

Ready or Not continues the steady build of solid horror movies heading into the Halloween season this year! I can’t wait to pick it up on Blu-ray. It’s definitely a blast and it’s more than worth a trip to the theater to see it!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!  

[ghouliday-music]

To Save Those Who Can’t Be Saved Chapter 9

Beginning

<– Previous

To Save Those Who Can’t Be Saved

AO3

Work Summary: Frisk, Asriel, and Chara go back to Waterfall to solve the mystery of the lone statue sitting deserted in its halls. Along the way, they uncover more questions than answers, and find themselves forced to face their greatest faults and failures.

Chapter 9: The Right Thing

Chapter Summary: Frisk sits down and reflects on what Chara said, and on their own actions in the past, in the hopes of deciding what to do in the future. Meanwhile, Asriel must choose between risking it all in the hopes of finding a third option, or acting now and accepting the consequences that come from it.

Rating: T

Warnings: Death mention, murder mention, child death mention, child murder mention

Characters: Frisk, Asriel

________________________________________________________

Frisk knew they couldn’t run forever. They wanted to, to keep going until they ran out of underground. But, despite everything they were only human. Their lungs and muscles burned, even though the dust from New Home had barely left their clothes. They had to stop, rest, breathe.

So when they reached the end of the Core, they didn’t run out into the light and the searing heat of Hotland. Instead, they took a corner and entered a darkened doorway, darker still than the rest of the metal corridors that seemed to echo with the pounding of their shoes. For a moment, they stood in the doorway, straining their eyes against the darkness. Where were they?

Wherever they were, they had to hide, or Chara would find them.

They forced themself to go deeper into the darkness with small shuffles. Their lungs ached, but they resisted the urge to take huge, gasping breaths. Any moment now, they thought, they’d hear the sound of shoes against metal, or someone calling their name with restrained fury. They had to be completely silent.

Their attempts to avoid drawing attention to themself nearly ended when the floor underneath their left foot disappeared. They slapped their hands over their mouth, only to make a sound louder than the squeak they muffled, and pulled their foot back onto the solid ground.

Once they’d gotten their breathing back under control, they sank to their knees and felt around until their fingers curled over the lip of the floor. It was some kind of hole. A fairly deep one, they realized as they patted down the edge to find there wasn’t an end that they could reach. And it seemed to be a fairly wide ledge, they decided as they ran their hands along its lip and found it continued around a corner.

That was the fact that jostled Frisk’s memory and made them realize where they were. Without the magical flames floating in the pit, they could hardly tell it was one of the dead ends Alphys steered them into that one time. Or rather, that one time multiple times. Probably.

Perfect. Chara would never find them in there.

Frisk sat as close to the edge of the floor as they dared, deep in the shadows of the room. Their ears felt like they were straining to capture any noise. Any moment now, they thought, Chara would pass by, looking for them, demanding answers.

But no one came.

Frisk ignored the clenching in their throat, because shouldn’t they be happy Chara wasn’t following? Instead, they settled themself on the firm floor, feeling their heart race, keeping their breaths measured and quiet until their chest stopped aching.

That was when their mind couldn’t avoid reviewing the questions they had asked.

Could Frisk have saved their siblings in a previous timeline, only to make a true reset and completely forget?

That can’t be true. Their fingers clenched until it felt like their nails were piercing the centers of their palms. I always remembered the risks before resetting. No way would I risk losing the happiest ending!

They pushed down the nausea building in their stomach about what if that was a selfish answer, putting their siblings over at least one other person, maybe more, who needed help.

It was true that their memories of past timelines, when they did return, were vague, and they didn’t know which of them was their first travel through the underground. If they even remembered it at all. And yeah, most of what they remembered had been the things that happened, over and over, despite differences in how they ended. And of the surface, they had exactly one.

Or rather, many. All of the same conversation, repeated over and over so that even with their weak memory of previous timelines they had near-memorized every word that had come out of the talking flower’s mouth, the sting as he once again called Frisk by a name that wasn’t theirs.

But it had got Frisk to thinking about the strange things that had happened to them in the underground. Memories that weren’t theirs, playing in their head when they were unconscious, or dying. Why Asriel was still calling them Chara, even though he’d admitted that they and Frisk were barely alike.

Either way, Frisk had come to the conclusion that Chara was trapped in their soul. And if their brother’s situation had tempted them into taking the risk of making another reset, knowing their memories would vanish until they were no longer useful, then Chara’s own situation had pushed them over the edge.

Because while their brother was all alone in the darkness, soulless and wracked with guilt, at least he could speak, could react, could eventually seek others’ help and support if he changed his mind.

Chara, though, was sleeping. Their memories somehow leaking into Frisk’s mind when they were asleep, or unconscious, or dying. Barely aware, except when something managed to stir them enough for a brief comment on snowdecahedrons and smelling the flowers every now and again. They were barely aware, didn’t even realize they had been brought back to life. Not until they started gaining enough power to truly wake up.

No, that had only started in the previous timeline.

  ________________________________________________________

“Why are they attacking?”

At first Frisk had thought that they’d imagined the voice asking the question. They’d just barely survived an attack by some kind of monstrous frog, its dust still settling at their feet. Surely with all the fear they were feeling their brain wasn’t quite working right, because they’d long since stopped wondering why, and started focusing on keeping alive while trying to find Toriel.

“But why? They are made of love.” Frisk frowned and looked around. They were the only person in the room.

“They could not have possibly have feigned to be compassionate even toward humans all that time, could they?” Whoever was speaking, they didn’t even seem to realize Frisk was there. There was something unsettling about their voice, though, but Frisk didn’t quite know why.

But even though their voice was weird, Frisk recognized the tone in their voice. They were worried, and a little afraid, just like Frisk. Maybe they’d come out from wherever they were hiding if Frisk talked to them. They certainly seemed friendlier than most monsters they’d run into.

“Hello?” As Frisk raised their voice, they realized what had struck them as off about the person’s voice. In this room, Frisk’s voice had a faint echo. Not the cartoony one when someone was in a giant cave, as appropriate as it might be here, but the kind of echo you got when speaking at a normal volume in a house you were just moving into that had no furniture or boxes yet, the kind that made the ends of your sentences have a ringy sort of effect.

The other person’s, however, did not. It sounded like they were in a house without an echo.

For a moment, there was silence. Frisk almost thought the speaker had snuck away without them hearing their footsteps until the reply came at last. “Interesting. You can hear me?” The voice didn’t seem too surprised, more interested in a bored sort of way.

Frisk nodded, then wondered if whoever it was could see them, because they hadn’t yet stepped out from wherever they were hiding. “Yeah. Where are you?”

There was a pause. Frisk got the feeling that whoever it was that they were talking to was thinking. Finally, they replied, “It is hard to explain this, but I should not be here. Yet somehow my essence seems to have attached onto your soul.”

Normally, Frisk would think that the other person was making things up. But then again, monsters were real, and dissolved into dust if they hit them with a plain old stick that they’d picked up in a flowerbed after falling into an ancient underground ruin. People's essences accidentally being absorbed into others’  souls didn’t seem too unbelievable after that.

“How? And why?” Frisk got the feeling that whoever this was hadn’t intended to be here, based on their detached curiosity.

“I do not know. The last I remember, I was dying.” Despite how sad the words were, they sounded like they were just talking about the death of some other person they’d learned about in a history book.

“I’m sorry.” It seemed appropriate. Everyone who learned about what had happened to Frisk’s parents had said that. Frisk supposed it’d still be something people said in this situation, too.

“Do not be.” Okay, maybe Frisk was wrong. “If my brother had not let me down at the crucial moment, it would not have happened.”

“Oh.” They tried to come up with something to say to that situation. “That stinks.”

“Yes.” The voice sounded like they didn’t know what to say back. “I suppose you are searching for a way back to the surface?”

“Yeah.” Frisk sighed. “But this place is huge, and everyone keeps attacking me.” And they had no idea where to go. The only person who might know where they could find safety was gone, had left them alone to begin with. But since they didn’t want the person speaking to them to have more reason to be sad, scared, or alone than they already did, they forced themself to stand tall, shoulders back like it was picture day and they had to look happy and confident. “But I’ll get out of here!”

“I used to live around here, for a while at least.” The words made Frisk want to cry in happiness. “And I suppose that if I help you, you can stop killing so many monsters.”

Frisk crossed their arms.. “They were attacking me first.” And they would have killed Frisk, if they'd let them. They would've been happy to leave the monsters alone if they hadn't attacked for no reason.

“Yes, I suppose they were.” They clearly had their mind on something else, though. “The monsters I knew were friendly, and would have happily greeted you, even if you were human.”

“Maybe they changed. The only one who was happy to see me was Toriel.” And Flowey, though they didn’t really count, given what they’d tried to do to Frisk after.

“Toriel? You met my mother?” For the first time, the stranger broke through their bored-sounding tone to sound… happy? Nervous? A little of both?

“She’s your mom?” Frisk���s mind presented a picture of a goatlike monster like Toriel, no horns but a purple robe. But it didn’t quite feel like it quite matched the speaker, though Frisk couldn’t put their finger on why. After all, the speaker did speak like Toriel, so why shouldn’t they look just like her?

“Yes, she is.” They settled back into their neutral voice. “But why is she not here, if monsters were attacking you?”

Frisk sighed. “I don’t know. She told me to wait in this hallway while she did something, but then Flowey…” They swallowed, thinking back to their first meeting.

“Flowey? I do not know anyone by that name.”

“They attacked me when I first fell. They said they were going to be my friend, but then…” Then Frisk had gotten the feeling that they shouldn’t trust them, or the specks of magic spinning toward them. And when they’d followed that instinct, it turned out to be right. “Toriel saved my life.”

“And then she left you alone?” Even the speaker couldn’t hide how confused they were.

Frisk nodded. “Yeah. And I was going to wait, but then I saw Flowey on the other side of the hallway. But when I was trying to get away, a monster attacked me.”

“And you killed them.” Frisk winced; the stranger seemed not too happy with that.

“No!” They winced. “Not at first. But I tried talking to them like Toriel told me to, but they wouldn’t stop attacking, and wouldn’t let me run away. And…” They realized their hand was reaching toward their stomach, though the pain had long since stopped. “I think I died. But then I woke up back in the flowers where I’d fallen.” But instead of that strange anger they’d woken up with the first time, it’d just been fear, and the fading pain of injuries that were no longer there.

“You died? And then you came back?” The voice sounded thoughtful rather than surprised, but it still made Frisk realize just how weird that sounded.

“I thought it was a dream, but then Flowey recognized me. Toriel didn’t, but she did everything she’d done before. She left before I could try and tell her what was going on.” She’d been out of the room before they could even find the words to ask her not to leave them alone, and then they hadn’t got the chance to call her between dodging the monsters trying to kill them. “I promise I’m not lying.”

“No, I believe you.” Despite the seeming lack of emotion in their voice, it made Frisk feel like crying that finally someone had listened to them. “And I suppose I cannot blame you for trying to defend yourself.” The words seemed a little more hesitant, as if they were saying it without fully believing it. But they didn’t seem as upset about it, so Frisk thought that if they were still upset they were at least trying to be understanding.  

“Please, can you help me get out of here?” Frisk really just wanted to get out of the underground. They just wanted to go home.

Even if, really, there wasn’t a home to go back to now.

“I will. And you can start by going into the next room, and taking a left.”

As Frisk started moving deeper into the Ruins, they realized that they hadn’t learned the other person’s name. It was rather rude that they didn’t introduce themself to the person saving them, right?

“I’m Frisk, by the way.” They really wished this person had a body of their own, because weren’t they supposed to shake hands? “What’s your name?”

The voice paused, as if considering whether or not to introduce themself as well. But finally they spoke up once again. “My name is Chara.”

The thought of having found a friend, even trapped in a dangerous world and trying to find their way back to safety…

It filled Frisk with determination.

  ________________________________________________________

It had taken a while for the both of them to realize why Chara had woken up in that timeline and not the others. After waking up from their fall, they’d felt a strange anger burning through their muscles. It’d taken a while to remember it was a lingering emotion from Asriel’s speech for them to give up trying to help him and his sibling. But it must’ve strengthened the blows they made to monsters who would not stop hounding them through the Ruins, meaning less survived for them to spare. Between that and getting turned around once or twice or trying and failing to hide, they’d probably gained more LOVE than before.

And if they were gaining LOVE, so was Chara’s essence, trapped within their soul. Which gave them the strength to wake up and realize what was happening, to become more than just the occasional sleep-mumble that Frisk waved off as their imagination, more than just an occasional memory they wrote off as a dream, or something imagined in the midst of death.

But if they reset, they didn’t know if Chara would keep their consciousness in Frisk’s soul. And knowing their situation before Asriel absorbed the souls and gained the power to break the barrier had given them the chance to research ways to give both of them new souls and bodies, and the chance to put what they’d learned into action. If they had made a reset, there was no guarantee that they would’ve been able to keep their consciousness. They would’ve had to gain more LOVE to do so.

And then there was what Chara had done to keep it even in a timeline where Frisk hadn’t killed anyone.

What were the chances of that happening not once, but twice?

Not likely. They didn’t remember any other timeline where they’d killed enough for all that to happen. Surely even with just snippets from previous timelines–Undyne melting in the cool gloom of Waterfall or collapsing in the bright heat of Hotland, Mettaton breaking down or running out of battery, hot dog stands that were sometimes running and sometimes abandoned –surely Frisk would remember if they took so many lives their whole journey through the underground changed so dramatically?

Chara’s just afraid and not thinking right. They were acting like Frisk didn’t care about them, like Frisk’s actions had justified Chara trying to scare them into doing what they wanted and giving up the ability that had helped them make the perfect ending, just because they were afraid they were going to throw away everything the three of them had worked for.

And it wasn’t like Frisk needed to reset anyways, right? Loads were all they needed to handle this situation. And they’d only use them when they needed to, to make sure that no one, family or not, suffered more than they needed to. It wasn’t some corrupting force like Chara and Asriel seemed to think it was; it was Frisk’s own fault, not their powers’, that had killed all those monsters, hurt all those people. In fact, their powers allowed them to fix their mistakes. If they couldn’t, then so many monsters would be dead right now, and Frisk wouldn’t have been able to save them.

No more. They couldn’t let other monsters suffer, through their actions or lack of them. Since they had the power to do something, they owed it to everyone to use it to make sure everyone was happy and safe.

They hauled themself to their feet, feeling their muscles strain against the action. But before they could step out into the light, a distant voice echoed through the halls.

“Frisk? Are you here?” Chara’s voice was unsteady; Frisk couldn’t tell if it was because of how it echoed, or something else. “Where are you?”

Frisk took a step deeper back into the darkness, feeling their lungs still even as their heart pounded enough to make their whole body feel like it was shaking in sympathy.

The taps of shoes against metal came closer. “Frisk, I did not mean… I should not have said that to you. Please, come out from wherever you are hiding.”

I bet you do. Frisk resisted the urge to take a step back, deeper into the safety of the darkness. Only the thought of Chara hearing, or of themself falling into the pit, held them back. You just want to drag me back or yell at me some more.

Chara’s voice grew louder, clearer. “Can you hear me, Frisk?”

They’re going to pass the door, Frisk realized, digging their fingernails into the cuffs of their sweater. They forced themself to crouch down, curled into a huddle, trying to make any silhouette of theirs less obviously human. Maybe I should load my save. Only the hope that Chara wouldn’t find them stopped them from wasting more of their time trying to find a way to help the missing kid. Still, they made their soul gain power, feeling it resist even as they forced it to reach back toward the moment before they had left the house, just in case.

“I just want to say…” They trailed off. “I’m sorry. Please, if you’re there, please know that I’m sorry.”

It was like a switch had flicked, cutting off the flow of power to their soul. That… Chara sounded sincere.

A shadow fell over the doorway. Frisk felt their muscles tense, but Chara didn’t stop. They hadn’t seen them.

“Please, Frisk, I don’t want to fight.” Their voice was growing more distant. “You’re my sibling, and one of my best friends. Please, let’s talk about this.”

I don’t want to fight, either, Frisk thought, the corners of their eyes starting to sting.

Maybe they should talk to Chara and try to explain everything. If Chara could just understand why Frisk couldn’t sit and let other people do everything while Frisk was there, able to fix it, maybe they’d finally listen, and understand. The two had found a way to restore their and Asriel’s souls and bodies, after all, and had given the six other humans a second chance of their own. Maybe, if they just were on the same page again, Chara would be able to help them with this?

They forced themself to stay put as Chara’s footsteps and voice disappeared deeper into the Core. Even if Chara wasn’t saying what they needed to in order to get Frisk to do what they wanted, they’d be against loading back to before Frisk ran away. They’d always been big on consequences.

Frisk wasn’t afraid of facing punishment, no matter what Chara thought. But if they didn’t load, if they just let events run their course, everyone would remember this night. Toriel, Asgore, and Asriel would have to live, remembering how it felt when Frisk and Chara disappeared in one night. Chara would live with the fear they felt at the thought of Frisk resetting over their happy ending, and the guilt they felt after their fight.

And anyways, it wasn’t just about Frisk, Asriel, and Chara anymore.

Despite everything, they had to keep going, to save the missing kid. They had to make this the real best ending, for everyone.

They had to stay determined.

  ________________________________________________________

Asriel couldn’t stop watching the screen on Alphys’s monitor. His eyes were bleary and dry and his vision appeared blurry around the edges, but he still just couldn’t tear them away, even though the images on it had stopped meaning anything to him.

He wasn’t sure how Alphys could do it, steering the drone over Home the Third’s sky with shaking hands, scouring streets, occasionally using a microphone to call out Frisk and Chara’s names. She must’ve been just as tired, and she was so anxious at the best of times, let alone crises like these.

But beyond the shaking hands which sometimes caused the video to shudder and sitting curled in on herself even more than she had when the weight of her great secret crushed down on her shoulders, Alphys kept scanning the streets for two children she would not find.

Asriel could’ve sworn he felt his soul shudder with fear, even as he kept his expression merely concerned. Should I tell her? Maybe he could convince her that looking for Frisk and Chara was a bad idea.

But she’d tell Toriel. In timelines when she came clean about the amalgamates, she always made sure to be truthful, to avoid hiding things whenever possible. And she’d definitely tell Undyne and Toriel about that.

And once that happened, he’d better brace himself for making the same choice again.

And again.

And again.

There had to be another way.

“Uh, A–Asriel? You’ve been, well, kind of quiet.” Alphys’s voice was weak, both from anxiety and tiredness. She blinked and started speaking quickly. “Well, uh, I guess that I–I shouldn’t be surprised?” She gave a weak chuckle, her smile spread thin across her face. She seemed like she was expecting him to yell at her for not doing enough, for not being perfect, for failing to find two missing children.  

But he wouldn’t. Even though anger sparked at his soul, because she used to be the Royal Scientist, why hadn’t it occurred to her before trying to start comforting him that that wasn’t the best thing to say, and put a smile on his face. Between his anger, both at her, his siblings, himself, and the situation it didn’t meet his eyes, but he was sure she wouldn’t blame him if it looked a bit faked. “It’s okay. Just tired and worried.”

Her shoulders relaxed, just a little bit. “I–I understand. I’m worried about them, too.” She tugged at the collar of her shirt. “But, uh, they can’t have gotten too far, right? And with everyone looking together, they’re, uh, sure to turn up real soon!” She didn’t seem convinced, and seemed like she wasn’t just saying it for his benefit; she was clinging to the idea like it was a lifeboat slipping beneath the waves of an endless ocean.

Still, Asriel nodded and made himself grin a little more, even as his soul sank. All those people. Eventually one would put the pieces together, or get lucky, and find Frisk. And then he’d be out of time. Hopefully the déjà vu would convince Chara to help him on this third option next time. Maybe then they’d both think of something.

He resisted the ever-growing urge to bury his head in his hands, because that would alarm Alphys. Why can’t I figure out a way to stop Frisk from trapping the world in endless loads without hurting my friends and family more than they are?

“Asriel, uh, I don’t know if you can sleep or not, but, well, Undyne and I have a guest room, if you want to get some rest.”

Asriel bit down a snap that she didn’t have to speak like he’d snap at her at any moment. That really wouldn’t help anything.

Instead, he fixed a grateful expression on his face. His smile felt like it was stretching his face thin, threatening to expose the fury beneath, but it held for the moment. “Thanks, Alphys, but I’m fine for the moment.”

Alphys nodded. “All right, then.” She glanced to the side, the words dying down like the shreds of Asriel’s patience.

Asriel glanced away so he could gather himself. Come on, Asriel, he told himself, taking a deep breath in the hopes it would extinguish the anger. She’s already suffered enough because of you, so get ahold of yourself before you just make things worse!

Perhaps he should take Alphys up on the offer of the guest room. It wasn’t like he was doing anything here, sitting and watching her fly a machine over the darkened streets of Home the Third.

Wait.

“Hey, Alphys,” Asriel said, keeping his voice as light as he could, more like a small child scared for his siblings rather than a person who’d just realized there was a way to find them himself. “Do you have another one of those flying machine things? I don’t think I can sleep, and I really want to help find Frisk and Chara.”

Alphys glanced at him, and he already knew the answer before she spoke.

“I’m sorry, Asriel, but I don’t.” She truly looked it, too, but he could tell by looking at her that she wouldn’t let him use it anyways. Because he was just a kid. A kid who’d once been killed and then revived in the form of a flower, without a soul and with powers he truly didn’t understand. And, unknown to all but a few, hundreds of murders to his name. All in past timelines, of course.

Maybe he was still a kid. That didn’t mean he couldn’t do anything.

“Is there any way I can help? I don’t want to just sit here and do… do nothing.” Alphys winced as a little of his frustration at his helplessness leaked into his tone.

“Don’t worry about it.” Despite her words, Asriel could tell she was worried about it. “J–just let us handle this. I’m, uh, sure we’ll find Frisk and Chara any minute now, and your parents and Undyne will find out what made them want to run away.”

Asriel glanced away. The way his ability to feign expressions was working right now, he’d give up the game by looking terrified instead of hopeful.

“Are you, uh, sure that you don’t need to rest?” Alphys asked, her voice shaking a little. “Y–you’re acting really tense.”

“I’m just worried.” Despite the fact that he hated to admit it, just telling the truth for once tonight made his soul untense just the slightest bit. “I’m worried that something will happen and Frisk will have to reload.”

“I’m pretty sure that they’re not in that much danger,” Alphys said, speaking so quickly he knew she wasn’t so sure. “I mean, uh, they c–can’t have gone that far? And, well, they had to have left on their own. Undyne said that Dogamy and Dogaressa couldn’t pick up anyone else’s smell with Frisk before they lost their trail, so, they, uh, couldn’t have been kidnapped or anything! And, uh, well…” She trailed off, leaving the only sound in the room the muffled sound of the drone’s engines coming through the computer speakers and the tapping of her claws tapping against the keyboard as they trembled.

Asriel resisted the urge to yell and scream, “What is wrong with you!” at himself because he knew Alphys would take it as directed to her.

No matter what I do, I can’t help but hurt someone. He’d thrown his and Chara’s mistake back in their face, let Toriel worry about her two missing children when just a few words would’ve at least allowed her to know why they’d gone missing, and now he couldn’t stop upsetting or worrying Alphys.

“You know, maybe I will try getting some rest,” he told Alphys, because at least in the guest bedroom he couldn’t do the wrong things again, or have to lie or hide things.

He swiveled around and got off the chair, not looking back to see the self-recrimination on Alphys’s face as she unfairly blamed herself for what she mistakenly believed was yet another failure. Instead, he marched into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

He’d been nothing but a big failure that night. He was so good at reading people, but somehow it hadn’t occurred to him that Frisk would do this, would use their ability to save and load to run away and let everyone else worry. He knew their tendency to use it even when they didn’t need to, when something they thought was a mistake wasn’t as big a deal as they thought it was, or even a mistake at all; he and Chara were both worried about it, even if they’d never dared to talk to Frisk about it.

Maybe they should’ve. They shouldn’t have let it lie in the hopes that Frisk would learn better on their own.

And now, once again, everyone was going to pay the price for his failings.

And what am I doing? he asked himself, letting himself grab a fistful of blanket in one hand. Nothing but feeling sorry for myself.

But at the very least he hadn’t run off and worried his parents and friends. Not like his siblings.

But isn’t that selfish, too? Which was more selfish, staying there and doing nothing so he couldn’t hurt his family, even if it meant doing nothing in the face of their two missing children and doomed to relive a terrible night, or running away in the hopes of giving them a chance at a better future?

It’d be so easy to walk out of the bedroom, down the hall past a distracted Alphys, to slip away without anyone noticing.

There has to be another way.

But what if Chara was right? What if seeking a third way that might not exist doomed the world?

Or what if their actions led to their world being doomed?

He glanced out the window, at the horizon that seemed just a bit lighter than before. It was almost dawn. Maybe the last dawn, if it got that far.

He was running out of time.

He had to make a choice.

It was with a sense of finality that he dug up a forgotten notepad and pen, writing a short sentence on the front page before tearing it away and placing it on the comforter. With too much ease, he walked down the hallway, past Alphys’s office where she searched for children who she’d never find, and left the house without a single person any the wiser.

[ineffablefool]

Some meditations on being a fat human being, in the era of Good Omens series fandom.  Not n//sf/w, really (hi my name is Jack I’m ace and supremely uninterested in sexytimes), but really personal and also long, so I’ll stick it behind a readmore.  I suppose if another fat human being had thoughts they wanted to tack on, they could reblog to do so, but I don’t expect this to be a particularly rebloggable thing.  Just thinkin’ out loud (via clickety fingies).

I have been... okay, more or less, with how my body looks, for a while.  (Minus all the things about it that make me get “she” and “her” and “ma’am” everywhere I go, with exactly three glorious exceptions in the ~4 years since I realized that those weren’t right.  That is a whole ‘nother bucket of bears.)  I’ve been on Tumblr over on my main account since 2013, and the entire time I’ve been immersing myself in fat positivity and in fat activism by wonderful accounts like ok2befat and bigfatscience and thisisthinprivilege.  So I’ve been basically okay. 

It sucks how hard it is to find clothing that I like which doesn’t completely exclude my particular set of proportions.  It sucks that my saint of a boss had to literally fight our HR department to change the company policy on flights for business, because the previous policy would have forced me to fly 18 hours in an economy-class seat much smaller than I am when I visit India in a couple months.  It sucks that my body is still the “oh, is this disgusting thing a dealbreaker for you” question on dating websites, and that it’s still the butt of every third Trump joke.  It sucks.  But I’ve gotten better over the years at the skill of seeing my body as not the problem, but an innocent bystander in everyone else’s bullshit.  Clothing and plane seats and humor don’t spring from the earth to be harvested and consumed raw.  People decide how to make them.  People can decide differently.

Anyway.  I’ve been pretty much okay with Body.  Body’s fine.  It’s a good pal.  It gets me where I need to be, and it lets me run around in little circles pretending to be an airplane when I’m bored.  I spend some time with it in partial states of undress now and then (I’m too much of a germaphobe to ever be a naturist, let’s put it that way), just so I can keep myself familiar with what it really looks like.  Y’know how the horror movie monster is really scary up until they actually show it?  Same thing, except fewer blood squibs.

But here’s all this Good Omens stuff.

A lot of the fandom has embraced the slight pudginess of Michael Sheen’s Aziraphale, and a lot of artists are putting that into their work.  And a blessed wonderful few aren’t stopping there.  They’re drawing Aziraphales that are more than just a tiny bit pudgy, sometimes that are just plain fat, unquestionably, not just “a little larger than the very thin rendition of Crowley” or “wearing a lot of layers” or “the clothes are just cut that way”.  Really, really adorable renditions of fat angels who are clearly loveable and clearly loved because look, the artist drew them together, Crowley is right there and he doesn’t have that look on his face by accident.

(There are book renditions floating around too where people have headcanoned a fatter Aziraphale, but I’m still talking miniseries right now.  Also, there are plenty of sort of... cartoony/stylized/silly renditions out there with fatter Aziraphales, but I’m not really talking about those either.  There’s a sort of area of artwork where the style or the scene being depicted is such that my brain is surprised when any of the characters is fat, because this is a pretty drawing of two people kissing or whatever and therefore obviously they have to both be thin.  Obviously.  Internalized fatphobia nonsense.  But that’s the kind of artwork I’m thinking when I type all these zillions of words.)

And that’s a choice, to say “I’m an artist and I’m going to draw this character who is worth being the recipient of a 6000-year-long love, and that character is fat, and that’s just how it is”.  And to keep doing it in one piece of art after the other.

speremint was the first artist I noticed doing this, drawing an Aziraphale who is loved by Crowley (the sacred apple tree art still cracks me up, poor Crowley) and who is definitely fat and who is adorable, and if you’ve read the notes on any of my fics you know that she singlehandedly changed how I picture my headcanon’d Aziraphale.  Then I discovered that dotstronaut and lonicera-caprifolium and toastedbuckwheat are out there too, giving me lovely art to shove into my eyeballs and extend my lifespan potentially indefinitely.  I bet there’s more I haven’t noticed yet.  I want there to be like a hundred more I haven’t noticed yet.

And this all ticks over into the second half of what’s apparently a manifesto at this point, boy it’s a good thing I’m a fast typist, which is the fact that in addition to being a fat human, I am also romantically and aesthetically attracted to fat humans.  It’s something I’ve pretty much literally had no opportunity to ever express, because in my Real Life I don’t really admit to having feelings per se and also I am... not the type of human who is the recipient of romantic thoughts from others.  Or who would ever act on my own unless the other party said something first.  (Which nobody ever has since 2006, you guys.  Supremely not the recipient of romance over here.)

So there’s this fandom environment where a fat character is being celebrated and loved, and I started writing fanfiction for the first time this century, and all of a sudden there’s a place for me to express feelings that I’ve been sitting on since I finally realized in about 2001 what it was about that one guy in high school that made me want to hug him, even though I also couldn’t stand his attitude.

Going through my fics from oldest to most recent, it is clear that I am getting more and more comfortable with that expression.  It’s getting ridiculous.  At this rate, in three weeks’ time I’m just going to be writing “Aziraphale is fat and beautiful and I just want to cuddle his belly forever” over and over again for five thousand words at a stretch.

But that means Brain is thinking a lot about how Aziraphale is fat, and beautiful, and perfect exactly how he is.  And then Brain looks down at Body and is like “hmm.  Same hat.  ineffablefool is fat too.  Therefore, [insert math lady meme here]”.  And I will be, like, “okay, so if Crowley were to put his hand on Aziraphale’s belly, what would that feel or look like?  How would his internal narration describe it?  Well, there’s a belly right here, let’s do some science.”  And then the thoughts that I start associating with the experience of my own body are completely good thoughts, all of them, because they’re going to be going in Crowley’s head.  And my written Crowley is never going to be anything other than madly in asexual romantic love with my written Aziraphale, and is never going to see him as anything other than perfect, physically, no matter what he looks like.

And it’s just being a really good positive feedback mechanism, I guess is the tl;dr version.  External validation (via art, via others’ fics, via comments on my own fics, btw if you’ve left any of those then you are also helping extend my lifespan, especially the people who come back to comment on each new story, yes I recognize you and I do a little happy dance every time a familiar name pops up, please rejoin me on Monday I’m going to post my dickwheelie letters fic) is all well and good.  But the mental loop of “own body can be used for realistic descriptions of a fat body -> descriptions based on own body are all lovingly positive -> own body is therefore described by self as lovingly positive” is... it’s nice, is what I’m saying.  It’s very nice.  Last week I expressed, out loud in a group of coworkers, my desire that something be more size-inclusive.  Do you even know how many deaths I would once have suffered rather than say something like that in mixed company.  But why shouldn’t I say it!  There’s nothing wrong with my being fat!  In fact, it’s within the realm of possibility to see it as a positive thing, so let’s just all admit that we have eyes and then move on!  Geez!

So those are some of my thoughts on being a fat human being, in the era of Good Omens series fandom.

now if I can just score a hot fat ace Ineffable Significant Other out of this fandom, I’ll be set

[listoriented]

Caesar 3

Ancient History

Ah, can you smell it? The dew on the grass? The vacuum in the office? It’s the games, they begin with a different letter now, so everything seems different. A completely superficial kind of different, sure, but that’s what we’re all about. And yet, C commences with perhaps the oldest (intact from manufacture date) game yet to hit the list, a game which also happens to be set two and a half millennia ago. Artificial newness meets two kinds of old in this heady, confusing stretch of an introductory paragraph.

Handily for me, I was just on a bit of a city-builder/management games kick last month, dabbling in Islanders, nodding my head at Surviving Mars, glancing nervously at Oxygen Not Included. Unhandily, these tooltip-heavy games could only skew my expectations wildly for the difficulty that was to come.

In the background this week, cake. Also The International, my annual re-engagement with Dota, at the same time as finals approaching for the ASL - a mini e-sports glut, basically, which I’m hoping to keep half an eye on while trying to crunch through a thing for uni. Oh bountiful electronic joy.

Where/When/Why: Caesar 3 is our first encounter with the expansive Humble Sierra Bundle, from August 2016. At the time I was playing the Batman games and starting to consider how much of a long-term problem ad-hoc adding thirty old adventure games to the library might one day be. But I wanted the Gabriel Knight games (they were faves of Charlie, my housemate at the time) so I did it anyway, dumping $15 on the whole lot.

Who/What: This third iteration of the Caesar series came out in 1998. The series was developed by Massachusetts-based Impressions Games, and is apparently considered to be part of a broader City Building series that included games set in ancient Greece and Egypt. Impressions went through a series of acquisitions and folded in 2004, though wikipedia suggests Tilted Mill (who are still operating, I think), are something of a successor in terms of employees and game style.

Prior experience: Though I'm pretty sure I would have enjoyed it as a kid, I don't think I've played any of the series before. AJ mentioned having repeatedly played a demo on his family's PowerMac 180 back in the 90's, so it's possible I encountered it then (both our families were Mac families, but his were the first to have colour). Roy also claims Caesar 2 was a game he grew up with, something of a replacement experience for Civilization. I more recently remembered Caesar 3 mentioned on 3MA's deep dive through the best strategy games of '98. But it's otherwise an unknown to me, and its apparent historical popularity and current familiarity to everyone else is weird and unexpected.

Veni Vidi VVVVVV: We begin with an isometric screen of grass, trees and rivers. This makes sense, because it was made in the 90s, back when life itself was still isometric. Actually before that we begin with a comfortably awful CG intro vid, giving us a rose-tinted overview of Rome's rise to power. I would expect/want nothing less. The campaign begins in tute mode, handing us the role of colony-planner during Rome's expansion in Italy in the 400 BCs - supposedly we answer to Caesar, even though IRL it’d be another few centuries until Julius Caesar happens and the name 'Caesar' becomes a term for ruler. Of course we're only pointing this out because we're a pedantic knob looking to fill some space, and we want you to know how smart we are, and we’re persisting in writing as though we are plural.

The first mission is tick-the-boxes easywork, but from there it gets tough quickly, withholding info in a way that just wouldn't fly two decades on. In the second I got stuck in a strange loop, constantly some hundred citizens short of the mission requirement and no understanding of how to break out. It seemed that even though I'd run out of arable land, my city wasn't making enough food due to a lack of labour, yet not having enough food also seemed to mean that more people wouldn't move to my town. It took me a few restarts to crack this threshold, with no real understanding of what I'd done differently other than build some extra granaries (did the game mean I was producing enough food, I just wasn't storing it properly?), and opting to not build a lot of the extra luxury buildings that became available suddenly halfway through. Rinse and repeat in the third mission, just with different problems on a larger scale, ad infinitum.

The game has an usually hectic cadence to it, for a city-builder. Things go wrong frequently, buildings collapse and burst into flames, people get sick, gods get angry because you forgot to build shrines to them, the months canter by, taking your denariis with them, and there's no functional pause so no way of stopping the ongoing collapse while you go hunting for problems or work out where the best place is to put this senate or farm or next row of houses. Little cartoony figures rush up and down the roads, moving goods around or putting out fires, something visually akin to an ants nest. The eponymous Caesar is constantly angry and disappointed because we haven't met his expectations. Everything is always on fire, for reasons that are not always clear.

If I was a little smarter at this point, I would have remembered that the internet, well, exists, and I would have gone looking for help a little earlier. One of the first tips this LP suggested was to bring the game speed down, which was something I didn’t even know I could do, because it’s an option tucked away in a menu rather than front and centre in the UI where, as a 21st century player of games, I usually expect it to be. 

I've played Caesar 3 for four hours or so and I still feel like I'm a long way from understanding it. Every time I open it I make a new and important discovery about how things are meant to work, and then I feel like a fool for not realising this earlier. Progress is incremental, barely visible. Experienced players make Roman towns that look very different to mine. The systems are there, complex and surprisingly extensive but hidden, and the game doesn't seem to have much interest in making things easy. It's no bad thing that we expect games to be better at teaching us how to play them than we did in '98, just IMO. But it's a fun city-builder, if a somewhat stressful and difficult one for someone who grew up with the more forgiving Maxis variants, and in a parallel life I stick with it and learn a valuable lesson in patience and persistence, if not anything particularly useful about history. 

next is Caesar 4

[nicolemagolan]

Books I Read In June 2019

This month was nearly entirely dominated by science-fiction, but Nicholas Eames’ high fantasy novel prevented that. I have no regrets! Not a wholly satisfactory reading month, as these books ranged from excellent to underwhelming. Read on to find out which was which!

Sand by Hugh Howey

3.5/5 stars

“And so it went, sand piling up to the heavens and homes sinking toward hell.”

Sand is a sci-fi story in the same vein as Howey's previous Wool series, set in a scary dystopian future. This one, however, despite being exceptionally well-written, falls short of greatness.

The plot doesn't ever seem to go anywhere -- nowhere interesting anyway. There is a lackluster feeling to the world-building, and a lack of threat because of this. In this world, the characters live in a desert, and make their living by diving through sand as if it's water to collect treasures buried under the dunes. An interesting concept, but the society around it was not explained much, and I am left unsure of how their society actually functions.

The characters were great though. The focus was on a family of 4 siblings, and I loved seeing their dynamics and how they played off each other. There was a lot a nuance to the characters and their relationships.

Hugh Howey is an excellent writer. There were so many beautifully crafted sentences and paragraphs, and riveting action scenes. The dive scenes were horrifying and enthralling. I was constantly in awe of how good Howey's writing style is. Despite the lack of world building, Sand developed a gritty atmosphere that I enjoyed. I'm looking forward to reading more of his work, but I hope they're more balanced.

I was under the impression that Sand tied into Wool in some way, but I couldn't find a connection. It's possible that the buried cities are the Silo's, but it wasn't used for any effect. Could have been any old city, and it wouldn't make a difference. I was disappointed at the false advertising.All in all, I would recommend the Wool trilogy over this. But, if you read and enjoyed that this might just fill the void.

The Walking Dead, Issue #192: Aftermath by Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard (Cover Art), Dave Stewart (Cover Art), Stefano Gaudiano (Artist), Cliff Rathburn (Artist)

5/5 stars

I can't believe they actually did the thing. This issue is brilliant. I don't have anything else I could possibly say.

Star Wars Battlefront II: Inferno Squad by Christie Golden

4/5 stars

“It’s all for the glory of the Empire, honey, and don’t you forget it.”

Another win for the new Star Wars canon! Inferno Squad is a gripping tale of undercover imperial agents going undercover in the Rebellion to find out where or who is leaking top secret information. It's somewhat lacking in true white-knuckle action, but it makes up for that with well-developed and distinct characters. Iden Versio, the lead character, at first seems like the typical Empire-loving, cold, and one-dimensional trooper that we're familiar with in Star Wars canon. But as the story unfolds, her character builds into a complex, intriguing, and empathetic -- and yet still rather cold -- lead. 

I was worried this would be a typical, cheesy story of an imperial agent suddenly realising the error of their ways and joining the rebels...but that wasn't the case. Nor was it completely a one-note "the Empire is always right" perspective; there was enough nuance to keep it compelling. 

As for the other characters, they were all fine, and developed individuality. But I didn't feel there were any other standouts. 

There were a few cringey moments within the writing style -- MULTIPLE instances of "they let out a breath they didn't know they were holding"...Can we let this overused line die, PLEASE. And descriptions were a bit lackluster. But for a Star Wars novel, I would say it was actually pretty decent.

I highly recommend this to Star Wars fans!

Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames 

4/5 stars

“As individuals they were each of them fallible, discordant as notes without harmony. But as a band they were something more, something perfect in its own intangible way.”

Kings of the Wyld is an epic romp through a world both colourful and gritty. It has incredibly balanced flavours of Rock & Roll and hard-hitting fantasy. Plus, it's hilarious. And heartfelt. And totally badass.

Okay, Kings of the Wyld is a little vulgar for my tastes. The language and gore doesn't pull punches, and the depiction of female characters is sometimes over-sexualised. Not always though, thankfully, and it's usually for some purpose. 

The world-building is wack. The fantasy setting feels like it's being pieced together with bright lego bricks as you read, but sometimes instead of sticking together lego, you're just getting pelted with mud. Information about the world is dropped in dialogue and metaphor as if you already have any clue what they're talking about. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's overwhelming. The informal and funny style of writing gives it a cartoony feel (and I don't mean that in a negative way), and it feels very original while still reshaping classic tropes and paying homage to the greats.

But the characters. The characters. The story follows this group of old warriors, getting their mercenary band back together long after their glory days are over. They've settled down and had families, become fat and drunk, gone a bit mad. And when one of their daughters is in mortal danger, they reunite to take on the impossible quest to save her. 

The lead character is Clay Cooper: the sweetest, most wholesome murderer you'll ever meet. Easy to root for, plenty of compelling back-story to dig into, and snarky comments galore.

My second favourite is the wizard Moog. He is a total weirdo and he knows it. I love how ridiculous and passionate he is.

There's Mattrick, who's become a sad, fat King with a terrible marriage and kids that aren't his. But he's still a menace with his knives.

Gabriel is the leader of the group, and the one who is trying to find his daughter. He was one of the less-developed characters, but it worked because he was wholly focused on his daughter. His love for her was nice.

Lastly there's Ganelon, the terrifying warrior with no emotions. Except there are emotions! The scenes showing his vulnerability are fantastic, but where he truly shines is the battlefield.

The comradeship of the band is so natural and entertaining. Their relationships felt fully developed and like they had real history. They are so easy to root for!

The plot does plod a bit, with a bunch of mini-quests along the way that begin to drag towards the end. I think one or two of the little adventures could have been cut-down for the sake of building towards the epic final battle and touching conclusion.

I'll definitely be looking out for more from this author. And if you want a fantasy novel that's a little something different, definitely give this a go!

Brightly Burning by Alexa Donne

2/5 stars

Brightly Burning is a retelling of the classic Jane Eyre, but set in space! Wooooo! I don't know why I thought I would like this. It does exactly what it says on the tin. It has the plot, characters, and atmosphere of Jane Eyre. But when a character looks out a window...it's space. Maybe if I was a huge fan of the original story, I would be able to appreciate this re-imagining of it. But I don't think Brightly Burning did anything exceptionally interesting with the premise. The language is full of modern colloquialisms that are weirdly balanced with the futuristic world building. It often feels cheesy or just plain silly to me, but this is much lighter sci-fi than I anticipated. I'm kinda dumb though, because of course it's a fluffy/angsty/tropey romance and not a compelling, twisty, or fresh sci-fi take on the classic story. It serves its purpose and it does so with moderate success. me @ me, closing this book:

Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel

3/5 stars

Sleeping Giants is..........good? I guess? It's a kinda entertaining sci-fi tale told through interviews, self-recorded journals and other audio files. It follows a cast of mostly-military characters as they discover and search for the scattered remains of some strange and potentially alien technology. This premise could really be taken in any direction...unfortunately the compelling concept is bogged down by a dumb LOVE TRIANGLE. Whyyyyy. Minor spoiler territory here, but it becomes clear early on that the alien tech is essentially a mech-style robot thingy. I am wondering how anime it's gonna get, when one of the characters is like 'gee, this sure is something out of Star Wars huh.' GIRL WHAT. No. It really isn't. Anywayyy I love the title, and the cover, and the characters are well-developed. Nothing of real interest happens within the story to be honest, and the ending is kinda lame. I'm not interested in the sequels but I appreciated my time with the audiobook -- it has a full and talented cast.

My reading hopes for next month are high as Semester 1 is over and my holiday has begun! I have big reading plans, folks. Big plans. Like, 5,000 page plans. :) 

Have you read any of these books? Let me know what you thought of them!

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist OG vs. Brotherhood: Return to Resembool (OG 17, BH 06)

Resembool breather episode.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 17: "House of the Waiting Family"

The Elrics and Armstrong all return to Resembool, meeting up with Pinako, who agrees to repair Ed in three days time. While the Elrics recuperate, Armstrong assists Winry and Pinako in work. The Elrics later reminisce about their childhood while at their mother's tombstone. Al seems to worry about having fading memories, but Armstrong breaks the tension. A few days later, receiving his replacement arm and leg, Ed uses his alchemy to rebuild Al's armored body from the shattered remains. Afterwards, the brothers and Armstrong head back to Central to find Marcoh's research.

We open with Pinako staring into the sky.

Ed says he hasn't been back to Resembool since he left. How'd he get new limbs, then? He's clearly grown since he was 12, and his automail leg is longer since the flashback. Did Winry keep hopping over to Central to make him new limbs?

Winry is not wearing goggles while she works.

Pinako calls Ed short, and we have the same insult-fu scene from BH 02. Way more appropriate here.

Armstrong is hilarious.

Winry throws a wrench at Ed, similarly to the scene where he transmutes his automail in BH 02.

Al gets cartoon face when being admonished by Winry.

There's a flashback to 03 when Ed visits the grave, but his line about bringing Trisha back is different. I hate when shows do that.

Trisha's epitaph is illegible.

Winry nerds out over Ed's watch. When he refuses to give it to her, she tries flirting with Armstrong, who immediately runs away. LOL.

Armstrong breaks the door when he barges in.

Ed calls Winry an automail nerd, and she calls him a transmutation nerd as payback.

Ed has to be sat down on a bed to ride out the pain of the reattachment.

Winry brings up the possibility of the automail stunting Ed's growth, and says she made the new ones lighter to help.

Armstrong's bishie sparkles fall down when Ed isn't impressed by him. LOL.

Al says it "feels great" when the armor is fixed. I thought he couldn't feel anything?

Ed and Al spar again once they're fixed. Winry realizes the Ed left his watch inside. Hohoho.

When Winry opens the watch, she sees the inscription. I think this is the first time we've seen it in OG.

FMA Brotherhood Episode 6: "Road of Hope"

While Armstrong escorts Edward and Alphonse back to Resembool by train, he spots a man named Tim Marcoh, the "Crystal Alchemist", at a nearby stop. He explains that Marcoh was a state alchemist and doctor during the Ishval civil war, and conducted research on biological alchemy before disappearing at the end of the war. They talk to Marcoh and learn that he was researching the philosopher's stone but only succeeded in creating an incomplete version. At first refusing to share his knowledge with Edward, Marcoh eventually provides a clue to the location of his research data. After they reach Resembool, Winry Rockbell and her grandmother Pinako Rockbell start working on Edward's automail. After receiving his replacement arm and leg, Edward uses his alchemy to rebuild Alphonse's suit of armor from the shattered remains. Afterwards, the Elric brothers, along with Armstrong, head back to Central to look for Marcoh's research.

We open with Hughes seeing them off on the train. We cover why Armstrong is escorting them as protection, but nothing else from OG 16 – no bit with Scar finding out where they're going, no mention that they think Scar was Nina's killer, no "excuse the left-hand salute" line; and while we get the same bit with Ed taking offense at being called a child, we don't get Al saying he appreciates it. Ed also behaves much more normally, with no indication that he's depressed or affected by what he learned last episode.

Armstrong shouts out Marcoh's name in a public train station for everyone to hear, because he's an idiot.

We learn more explicitly that Marcoh was studying healing alchemy. Boy, he sure must feel like an idiot in this continuity where their next-door neighbors already had that figured out for centuries.

Armstrong doesn't seem to know what happened to Marcoh after the war. So Mustang didn't tell him?

Ed only wants to find him because he thinks he could know a way to restore their bodies.

Oh my god Armstrong is showing sketches of Marcoh to everyone in the city. Because it's not like there's a terrifying military dictatorship after him or anything.

The scene where they meet Marcoh plays out similarly, but it's played for comedy, with Marcoh actually firing but Ed dodging out of the way with a cartoony expression. Wow. Wow. A traumatized enabler of war crimes is so terrified of the idea the fascist finally found him he's desperate enough to shoot children? What a barrel of laughs!

And Armstrong convinces him to stand down by crushing him with a suit of armor, which is of course framed for comedy. What is tone.

Maybe it's just a translation difference, but Marcoh doesn't mention wanting to take his own life, just that "I could give my whole life and still not atone". That's a lot weaker.

Armstrong doesn't know what Marcoh was researching? WTF?

Marcoh shows them the Stone instead of Ed having to find it.

Ed pokes it, and we see that it's gel-like.

Marcoh says it's awful that Ed's a State Alchemist knowing what they did in the Ishbalan war. Ed says he knows but he has to do it anyway. He makes a really fancy metaphor.

Marcoh is impressed Ed transmuted Al's soul. So I guess that's a thing in the manga as well.

Marcoh just gives them an ominous warning about the research and throws them out. We get a similar thing where Ed says he knows he could have taken it, but he wants to do the right thing and not deprive the town of Marcoh's help. I dunno, this just feels token to me here. I liked how Ed admitted his younger self definitely would have taken the Stone in OG, and the fact that we directly see Marcoh helping the people makes Ed's decision feel more real. Show, don't tell.

Marcoh gives them directions to his library outright, and says he hopes not only that they'll figure out the truth but that they'll get their bodies back. Uh, so he hopes they'll use his research to kill a ton of people. Why. I also don't see why he can't just tell Ed everything now, when he's not under duress. This is like the worst of all possible worlds for this – not only does he have no reason to fear his research will be either destroyed or exploited and therefore no reason to tell anyone, he also has no reason to not spill all the beans if that's what he really wants.

Lust is waiting for Marcoh when he comes back. So I guess the torture's going to happen to him here too. How did she find him, though? I guess she was spying on Ed? Not like they were making a secret of it, so it wouldn't be hard.

Pinako calls Ed a "regular customer", so Ed probably did visit in this continuity.

There's a funny bit where Pinako says Ed's grown smaller. It's actually pretty good, I'm sad we didn't get it in OG.

Same bit with Winry hitting him with the wrench.

They show Winry the smashed automail and she freaks out. Slapstick where she punches Ed for wrecking it. She kicks Al too.

They explicitly show him attaching the spare, and there's a bit where he initially has trouble finding his balance. Nice detail.

No scene where Al convinces Ed to visit the grave, we just cut to him doing it.

The townspeople don't talk to Ed, just wave.

Pinako explains more about her relationship to the Elrics. Hoenheim was her drinking buddy, apparently.

Pinako tells Armstrong about Winry's parents' deaths and they commiserate over the evils of war.

This is where we learn the Elrics burned down their house. Pinako explains their reasoning, which I think is weaker than hearing it from their own mouths.

We get more shots of Winry working on the automail. Ed keeps harassing her and asking when it will be done.

Reattachment is only momentarily painful, and played for laughs.

Similar bit where Winry explains the new automail is weaker, but it's cut off. She just says she added more chrome to prevent rusting, nothing about the growth-stunting and all that.

Al's repair is a lot choppier.

They reuse the animation of Pinako blowing smoke a lot.

The brothers don't spar with Armstrong.

Winry reflects on how awful it is someone as young as Ed will be a weapon in the military.

Nothing about the watch.

Conclusion

I actually like the second half of the Brotherhood episode! The pacing feels fine, for once. Spending a whole episode on the Rockbell interlude maybe was a bit too much. OG could have easily merged 16 and 17 and probably come out the better for it. We miss out on a few things, but we gain a few other things too, and Brotherhood's additional comedy and lightheartedness is, for once, totally at home with this breather sequence. I feel like they're both viable alternatives with their own strengths, rather than any one being definitively better.

But the Marcoh side of things is absolutely awful. OG actually engaged with the horror implied by Marcoh being so desperate not to return. Marcoh was fully integrated into the narrative, not just a convenient plot device to be stumbled across. It took its own premise seriously. Brotherhood did not.

What I take away from this is that Brotherhood is perfectly capable of making a good breather episode when it wants to, and is maybe even better at it than OG, but it doesn’t understand how to do serious plots at all. It's really a shame it doesn't seem to understand where its strengths lie, and keeps rushing through the breather sections to spend more time on action. It's honestly kind of sad, like it doesn't trust its audience to stick with it through slow bits. Although, given that's the most common complaint about OG, perhaps it's justified.

[scriptmedic]

Content and Reality Genres

(This post is an excerpt from the upcoming Maim Your Characters) 

What’s Your Content Genre?

Genres in fiction are the promises you make about the story you’re going to tell.

They’re a mutually shared set of expectations between you and your readers.

If you put a skull and crossbones on the front of your novel, there had better be pirates inside, preferably on the first page.

If there’s a spaceship, your readers would be very mad to find their story set entirely in a jungle in 1930s Congo and a distinct lack of aliens.

And iIf you put a cartoony cover of kids playing in a park on an erotica novel, monster is the kindest thing you will be called.

Genres tell readers what to expect. In an Adventure novel, we’re going to see great settings and a fast pace. In a Thriller we’re going to get violence, and at least one moment when the villain has the hero at their mercy.

We also don’t expect a bear-trap amputation injury in a Cozy Mystery or a Sweet Romance. But we do expect it in the Horror novel.

 The point I’m trying to make is that your readers have expectations about what will or won’t happen in your novel, based on the genre you’re writing in. There are always methods available to push the limits, of course, but you can’t go wrong by  sticking with what your reader expects – or at least by avoiding stepping too far out of the boundary lines.

 A few suggestions…

Fantasy is typically fairly “clean,” in that we don’t see enormous gouts of blood or detailed descriptions of the gristle coming out of  the wound. Wounds aren’t horrendous (unless you’re reading George R.R. Martin books). They also tend to be healed with magic rather than naturally, with truncated injury arcs. 

Science Fiction likes fancy weapons like blasters and phasers, especially if you’re writing in Military Sci-Fi, but there may be some room for older-school wounds depending on who your hero is fighting. Also, I have never seen a car / scooter / spaceship crash producing significant injuries in a sci-fi story. Again, descriptions tend to be sparse and general; we see the man go down, but we aren’t invited to smell the burning flesh of the wound.

In Romance plots, I would stay away from significant injuries unless they happened prior to the start of the story. There are definitely stories in which nurses fall for their patients, and vice versa, and they’re not wholly made-up; if nurses never fell for their patients, I wouldn’t be alive, because my grandmother cared for my grandfather’s wounds in World War II.

In the softer subgenres of Mysteries, there tend to be murders but not injuries per se.

Action stories seem to think that anything from a bullet to the knee to a love tap with a pistol butt will knock someone unconscious (a trope I despise, by the way), but tend to be light on life-altering injuries. This is, in part, because a great many Action tales don’t have underlying emotional arcs. Think of Indiana Jones: He gets the treasure, loses the treasure, gets the treasure, loses the treasure, meets his ex, gets the girl again, gets the treasure. At no point does Indiana Jones fundamentally change.

Police Procedurals tend to focus on murders, but may be up for a good maiming, especially when an officer gets too close to an investigation and gets hurt. But it’s usually a beating that sidelines the character without a significant change in who they are or how they behave because of it.

 The list could go on forever, but the point is this: understand the genre and subgenre you’re writing for so you know what your readers expect. Then deliver on those expectations, making sure that things actually matter.

It’s harder than it sounds, and more crucial than I could ever emphasize.

 What’s Your Reality Genre?

There’s a phenomenal book on editing called The Story Grid by Shawn Coyne (and an absolutely epic podcast by the same name). It’s one of the most amazing writing books I’ve ever bought, and it’s worth every penny, and I’m going to borrow an element rather shamelessly from Shawn’s work.

Among other things, Shawn discusses what he calls the Five-Leaf Genre Clover, which is basically his way of categorizing stories. It’s based on structure, on content, and a few other things.

While there are obvious “genres” to do with story type and convention (horror, action/adventure, thriller, coming-of-age, etc.…), these fall under only under one leaf of the Clover, specifically the Content Genre leaf.

I want to talk about a different leaf: the Realism leaf.

Shawn breaks the Realism leaf of the Genre Clover down into four separate categories:

Factualism: These are stories based on things that have actually happened. An injury in a Factual story would be based on what happened and how a person coped. Biographies and historical tales fall into this genre.

Realism: Something that could plausibly happen in our real world. Injuries in the Realism genre need to be strictly accurate: the Inciting Injury is possible; the Treatment, plausible; the Recovery, realistic; the New Normal, what we would expect if it happened to our cousin.

Fantasy: This is Realism with added elements that are not possible in our reality. They can be elves, spaceships, or portable nuclear generators. Injuries in the Fantasy setting can be totally realistic (if the fantastical elements have nothing to do with healing technology or magic). Remember what Arthur C. Clarke said:   Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Science Fiction is a kind of fantasy in which the fantastical elements are based on real or theorized science, though different subgenres incorporate different levels of realism.

Absurdism: This is a type of world in which an Injury might be treated by filling the character with marshmallows and rolling them up a hill, or a fish might tell your character that to err is divine but to drive to New Mexico is human. Absurdist stories aren’t bound at all by Realistic logic, or at least break that logic deliberately.

 Here’s the thing: You need to know which genre you’re writing in. Can you get away with hand-wavy magical healing in your genre? If you’re writing a gritty Realistic war story, probably not. If you’re writing a soft sci-fi (Fantasy) book, probably so. But what about stories in the middle?

 For example, if you’re writing an Absurdist piece, go with your imagination: Why shouldn’t the poisonous snake spit healing medfoam that gives your character acid trips but heals their wounds?

Factualism is simply a subset of Realism: it’s based in the real world, and also bounded by history and actual events that took place. The rules of Realism and the rules of Factualism are going to be essentially the same, from this perspective, so we can just roll them into one.

So that leaves us with two functional reality genres left to work in: Realism and Fantasy. We’re going to discuss each of them in detail in the next chapter.

This post is an excerpt from the forthcoming Maim Your Characters, out September 4th, 2017 from Even Keel Press. If you'd like to read a 100-page sample of the book, click here. If you'd like to preorder signed print or digital copies of the book before 9/4/2017, or claim Executive Producer status of the upcoming Blood on the Page, click here.

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

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