#i dont even WANNA do work i just want money

[frostedshore]

Frostedshore’s struggles. I am not fine, it took me a while to admit that, and it’s ok.

tw: religion, leaving faith, leaving islam, loss of interest in hobbies, depression

i debated abt sharing my experience here, since this is just a simblr account & this is a heavy subject matter. but i guess i really need as much support as i can get. i see many simblr sharing their irl stuff here too & getting support & i love that for us🥹

I am the first generation in my family who left islam. I am basically disowned now, and i am a lil nervous abt the fact i won’t get inheritance in this crazy economy🤣 but i think standing on my ground is more important than money, because as elphaba said “if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost”. Islam will effect my everyday life even to the tiniest detail about how I dress. You need to understand i’m highly allergic to hijab due to my skin type. I spend millions indonesian dollars just going to the doctor to fix skin problems when the doctor said my problem will go away if i dont use the hijab😭 also i feel nauseus working out wearing the hijab bc the fabric is tightly wrapped around my head & neck to the point i’m dizzy & want to vomit due to overheating & constriction. Did i mention that i was obese before i take off my hijab? Yeah i never wanna work out when i was still wearing my hijab & i lost 20kg after i take my hijab off & can exercise at the gym without it. I don’t think it’s fair that i’m considered weak & sinful & need to endure such burden just to pass god’s test😭

This post is not intending to spread islamophobia, but i’m just sharing my experience of leaving a religion. ANY religion. Especially if you’ve been a devout like I am. I spent 23 years of my life practicing islam, praying, fasting, etc. I started wearing the hijab before i even reach female “baligh” (9 years old) which is an islamic standard where all of our good & bad deeds are being recorded by angels & we must do all islamic obligations such as fasting, praying, covering or else we’ll go to hell (men’s “baligh” starts at 15 years old so women start our baligh sooner which i also think isn’t fair.) i took off my hijab when i was 20 (which create a lot of backlash from friends & family). back then i still think what i’m doing (taking off my hijab) is sinful & i fly all the way to mecca for umrah because i want to give it my all & repent completely.

I will accept islam fully if i can, and i WANTED to. Nobody who really WANTS to love a religion will choose to doubt & eventually left like me. I tried my best & shed countless tears. I even talked to islam feminists (authors, lecturers, and master of quran) but i’m still not satisfied abt all of my questions (it’s not only hijab who push me away, it’s a whole bunch of things that i doubted & never really got answers.) i just CAN’T have the islamic lifestyle anymore.

i eventually left my religion this year, just months after my umrah, because even after prostrating in front of kaaba, I still have doubt. And so I converted to Christianity. My christian friends all celebrated christmas with their own respective families. Even my ex-muslim friends from church celebrated christmas with their boyfriend’s family. It’s just a really isolating time for me because I left my religion before truly building a new support system for myself. I should’ve left when I already snatch a christian boyfriend/ have many single ex-muslim friends😂 Starting from zero is hard. And I feel really depressed abt it to the point of not enjoying the sims & my life anymore. But i rewatched The Lion King yesterday & damn mufasa’s dialogue abt remembering who we are rlly hit home. I’ve changed because I was not okay, and it’s ok. I can’t wait until I can rise from my sadness and become my old self who’s beautiful, kind, and loved (altho i lost many people who love me due to this decision & it’s hard to believe that i’m loved when that happens. I always get the toxic thinking that i’m being punished for liberating myself from islam, even after suffering for so long). Pray for me y’all & sorry to vent in such a happy season such as christmas🥹

If you have similar problems, my dm is open for you🤍 hugs all the way across the globe. Remember that we all are queens despite our depression that changed us to a version we dislike! I have personally know how it feels to lose everything, losing best part of me until what’s left is just a part of me that i dislike (shameful, regretful, guilty, etc.) You can still be who you want to! What you said you were! And start again!

ps. If you’re muslim, i’m not open to be lectured & told that i don’t understand the religion. You don’t know me & know how much i studied islam to come to the decision to leave islam. I’m not weak for not being able to live up to what i think is impossible standards. Pls respect my boundaries🤗 i still have love for my muslim friends & i’ll forever pro-choice despite what i personally feel about hijab. Nobody should be harassed for their choice to wear something. If you’re wearing one & find peace in islam, i support you🤍 anything to make you the best version of yourself!☺️

[atomicmonkey1122]

Really want the new Taco Bell Cheezit thing because I fucking love Cheezits. Been looking forward to the stupid thing since last week.

Also had 3 job interviews lined up and today 2 of them told me they weren't interested and who knows when ill get another interview so I GUESS i should probably not spend money on stupid cheezit taco bell ugh

[deoidesign]

ok I've been teasing about this comic a long time if you're interested you can save the page!

[skunkes]

I'm curious, why not get a job to move out? Ik most jobs sound miserable but there are some out there that don't need experience and can be tolerable, especially part time

I saw this ask before I fell asleep and was thinking of a response so hard that I dreamed about job hunting LOL

Anyway, that's kinda happening rn! Im working on resume and my friend who lives in my target city (being near her wld help both of us out a lot) is helping me look for listings... it's just the same little issues so far while we look though of course, which is either "manageable, or even Dream office job with very low pay" or "kinda higher Okay Pay job, but id have to be in charge of an entire country and work 16 hour days including weekends (10 yrs of experience + Master's required)."

[backfromtwitterforw]

There's legal silence where you keep sensitive information to yourself. And there's silence where you don't even say "please be patient we'll update you in time, we're actually talking to the union/the admins/the intern team". For us viewers, we don't need to know more than to have the assurance that things are being taking care of. We don't need to be repeated the exact same info I différent words over and over again.

There's silence with your team where you want to be careful with your wording. And there's silence with your team where you keep them completely in the dark about their future, not even saying what they just need to hear: "sorry about how things turned out, we have no certainty in either taking you back or not, right now our priority is financial stability, we cannot tell you our différent options so far, but we'll update you when and if we can afford to take you back".

There's silence where you ask for discretion because you will not be able to keep that many people in the team and don't want leaks about what branches are kept and which one will close, then announcing to a whole group of admins that they'll be let out of the project starting this or this day. And there's silence where you warn a lot of twitter update admins that they won't be in the project starting immediately through discord and closing said discours before everyone had even a chance to read it.

There's silence where you're afraid of leaks and there's silence where you don't treat people working for you with respect.

[maggot-baggage]

That job called me back to say they accepted me but yet again the pay rate wasn't what they had listed, and I could tell the manager talking to me knew that too bc she kept trying to tiptoe around it. If your company site says 14/hr for a part time position as the *starting base pay*, don't tell me it's actually 9-10/hr and then move on! "Well pay raises and promotions are possible!" Im not gonna wait til ive worked 2 years for a $2.50 pay raise, ESPECIALLY when you're fightin so hard to talk about anything but that! That's not the pay I discussed with the store owners and the shit you're offering me would only stretch so far like cmon

[ghostboyhood]

dude im

i think this is the first time in... as long as i can remember that life's actually going well. like sometimes life just Goes By until something bad happens or whatever... but like, ive had a lot of pretty good days in the past month ish? ive gone to two really amazing local shows recently, plus some other concerts, im seeing my favorite band next week, i might be making merch for another one of my favorite bands.... and yeah ive had shitty days and i got sick but like.. i remember those days well so the inbetween is just, that.. the in between... god idk becoming more involved in my local scene has been so fucking surreal..

[sucktacular]

I miss the days where existing online was a fun thing for ppl with social anxiety to make friends on instead of like Life 2.0 ya know

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[pezpenser205]

the main reason i know im not femme in the slightest is bc i cant comprehend why anyone would Ever want to be feminine. i can understand neutral leaning fem, but the idea that people are born wanting to be feminine is appalling to me personally because femininity always felt like imprisonment and torture. it was and still is a restraint. a training weight i was forced to bear. i cant fully empathize or understand anyone who wants to be more feminine because i have never and will never want to be more feminine out of anything other than pressure or insecurity. im most comfortable being gender neutral, hairy and disgusting in old gym shorts and stained tshirts no matter how much insecurity it causes me. i dont care. im never dressing up all pretty for anyone elses benefit ever again. and i assume this is how people who want to be feminine feel about masculinity to some extent. if thats the case im super glad we could trade because holy moly

[frozenhi-chews]

I cannot wait to go back to college, LEMMIE GOOOOO

[hballegro]

i am a metronome of 'this problem is easily solvable if you talk to a certain person in your life and it'll only get worse if you leave it be, calm down and bite the bullet' and 'you've already left it a long time and asking for help even from loved ones is really really hard so actually cry in a ball'

we must destroy the grey head jelly for being the most inconsistent and rude bastard in the world

[maburito]

I hate that 5 days of work/2 days off is the norm, do you know how many video games i wanna play and how little time i have???? Fuck!!

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

[theood]

Please let work be so so so boring I want nothing of note to happen 🙏

[horrorknife]

i kind of really hate myself you guys. like i kind of think there’s no hope for me