#i don't want to be unkind but i really really didn't like it

[pharawee]

So I thought I'd give Allure of the Siren a fair chance at least (I'm not really feeling this project at all for various reasons). It's available to read on amazon, it seems to have a couple of good reviews and I can always just check out the sample first, right?

I tend to cut (official) English translations of Thai BL novels a lot of slack even though I'm a translator and editor myself. I'm above all extremely grateful that I get to read these novels at all even though publishing official translations is probably not terribly lucrative for anyone involved. Most of them are very enjoyable reads with a good narrative flow and only minor editing oversights/mistakes.

Allure of the Siren - although written by a native English speaker, I believe - isn't any of that. If this was on ao3 I'd immediately hit the back button on my browser. Maybe I'm nit-picky, maybe the stars aren't aligned, but honestly, I expected more.

I don't want to be any meaner than that so I'll stop right here. I gave it a try and it's definitely not for me. Who knows, maybe the source material will work better as a series. 🙏

[melancholic-pigeon]

@vaspider @mistresskabooms @nerdykeppie I'm the one who's being weird? Me? really? You are absolutely sure you're not the asshole in this situation? You're ABSOLUTELY SURE this was a justified response to my polite confusion?

Wow. I really misread you.

[alittlebitofrainbyyourside]

.

[dollfacefantasy]

clark kent x fem!reader cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, car sex, mating press a/n: ummm yeah i need him so bad it makes me ill <3

for as long as you'd known clark, you'd never known him to lose his temper. he was forever-patient, your boyfriend. understanding to almost a frustrating degree. especially with you, his little love.

he was already pretty easy to get along with, but on the rare occasion you did have issues, clark seemed to have a natural instinct for deescalating you. he never raised his voice, never spoke an unkind word about you, never gave you a look harsher than what could be described as stern.

all it took to calm you down was a glimpse of his natural puppy-dog eyes and pretty plush lips. his thick arms would circle around you and hold you to his chest. he'd sway back and forth with you a little, a small smile on his face as you melted into the embrace. whatever semblance of tension or irritation that had been bubbling up easily dissolved into a puddle between the two of your bodies.

so, all that to say, you didn't really believe clark possessed any kind of rough edge or combative instinct. despite his large stature, you couldn't really picture him ever being rough.

that was until tonight.

you and clark had planned to drop by some event at the talon, but your sweet boyfriend had warned you earlier that he found out there'd probably be some trouble there later. some potentially dangerous situation that he wanted you avoiding at all costs. it was for your safety. he just wanted you to stay home where he wouldn't be worried while him and chloe investigated.

but did you listen to him? of course not. you went anyways, not in the mood to listen to his vague explanations as to how he even discovered this information in the first place. you put on a cute little dress with some new shoes you bought specifically for the night and took off.

unfortunately for you, clark had turned out to be right. not even thirty minutes after you arrived, chaos broke out. people flew through walls and glass shattered everywhere, all because of some guy who looked like his body could stretch and bend like a rubberband. it totally sucked. but none of that was even the worst part. you survived the craziness of whatever that person's problem was. the real danger came when the dust settled and you saw clark across the room staring at you.

he looked pissed.

he was at your side in an instant, but closing the distance didn't soften him any. it kind of did the opposite since up close he could see a bloody scrape stretching across your cheekbone.

you could see he was worried first and foremost, but behind that concerned top coat a fire burned. as soon as your small wound had been tended to, his long fingers clasped around your bicep. he pulled you to your feet and all but dragged you out of the coffee shop.

"clark i-" you started in an attempt to explain yourself.

"save it," he said, voice as cold as you'd ever heard it, "i asked you for one thing. that's it. stay home for your own good. don't come out here and pointlessly risk your life."

"it wasn't that bad," you defend weakly.

"but why even take the chance?" he asked with true exasperation, "i shouldn't need to convince you that your safety is more important than whatever they had going on tonight."

he didn't continue the lecture beyond that. just walked with a clenched jaw and motivated stare in the direction of his truck. like always, he opened the door for you when you got there. though this time, he practically scooped you up and dumped you into the car.

he was silent as he drove, fingers tight around the steering wheel. you could practically feel the frustration rolling off of him. the urge to lash out for once was near spilling over. he pulled the car over, and you figured you were really in for it. in a way you were right, just not how you thought.

clark didn't bother yelling, didn't try to start a fight. he glared at you for a few silent seconds before leaning across the seats and crashing his lips against yours. he kissed you like he wanted to steal the breath from your lungs.

after a blur of clothing being shifted around and positioning body parts awkwardly in the confined space, you found yourself in the meanest mating press of your life.

you were folded in half beneath all of clark's weight. the points of your new heels scraped up the truck's ceiling while your knees squished against your chest. little squeaks and whines slipped their way out of you as his tip battered against your cervix. he was so deep you swore you could feel your insides rearranging to make room for him.

"clarkkkk," you mewled before biting your lip, desperately searching for some way to ground yourself. one set of your fingers gripped strands of his dark hair while the other held a fist of his flannel.

"what, baby?" he panted. for once, clark wasn't fawning over you between thrusts. he wasn't cooing or praising you for taking him so well. instead, he had his face against your neck and his hands wrapped around your waist, bucking into your dripping heat with enough force to rock the car.

you tried to force out words to convey what you were thinking. too big. too much. so deep. harder. faster. none of those made it though. only choked moans and then a sharp squeal when he rolled his hips and struck that extra-sensitive sweet spot inside you.

"someone's gonna see if they drive by," you whimpered, squirming underneath him.

"maybe you should hold still then and let me finish, huh?" he grunted, "no one's gonna see. everyone's in town dealing with the mess from tonight. the one i told you was gonna happen."

"i didn't think-"

"i know you didn't," he interrupted, "didn't use that pretty little head at all, did you?"

words of defense eluded you right now, his nonstop thrusts keeping your mind cloudy. instead you chose to whine, your lip quivering he rolled his hips deeper yet again.

"oh yeah?" he asked, as if you'd said something coherent.

you opened your mouth again to speak, to really argue back this time, but you were cut off by your own desperate cry when his hands tugged you closer and speared you even further on his cock. you could feel him grinning against your neck at the noise.

"i know, baby. i know you're sorry. you don't have to explain. thinking's too hard for you right now, yeah?" he cooed, his tone bordering on mocking.

your pout got more severe but so did the needy sounds escaping your mouth. you felt those long fangs of his scrape against your throat. his tongue then glided across the area, making you shudder.

"clark-" you tried to say something else, but he cut you off. he raised his head up and kissed you deep again, swallowing the words right from your mouth. when he pulled back for air, he rested his sweaty forehead against yours.

"you can be such a brat," he breathed, "so much whining even though i know you love this."

the truck creaked as his movements continued to jostle it. you felt his breath fanning across your face and watched as his eyes fluttered shut. you knew he was getting close, but so were you. your cunt squeezed around him rhythmically, coaxing him too the edge along with you.

"you gonna cum, baby?" he finally muttered against your lips.

you nodded eagerly, more than ready to release. it only took a few more hard thrusts to get you there, and clark followed along no problem. in the afterglow, he laid on top of you for a minute or so, trapping you in a cage of searing body heat.

when he finally did sit up, the two of you fixed your clothes and stretched your limbs. he looked over at you with more tenderness. your boyfriend's gentle temperament had seemingly returned with the relief his peak brought.

he cupped your jaw with his fingers, looking over that cut on your face. leaning in, he gave it a small kiss before starting up the car again.

"i'm just trying to look out for you, you know? just... please listen next time. i don't know what i'd do if you got hurt. you had me worried sick."

"i will. i'm sorry i scared you," you replied softly. your eyes studied the loving look in his eyes and the way his features seemed so at peace now that all his adrenaline was out of his system.

you grabbed his hand across the seats and traced little patterns on his knuckles for the drive home. he let you play with his fingers but shot you a glance.

"i'm serious. next time you get involved with something like that i won't let you off so easy," he teased.

you smiled and nodded, wanting to put his mind at ease. though in the back of your mind, a small part of you considered trying again some time, just to see what "not so easy" looked like to him.

[clare-875]

I Don't Want to Move On (Sanji x Reader)

_____ Pairing: Sanji x Female Reader Summary: When Sanji leaves you to marry Pudding, he shuts you out, and you don't know how to forgive him when he returns. Warnings: SPOILERS for Wholecake Island Arc, Angst to Fluff A/N: (h/c) = your hair colour [One Piece Masterlist] _____

You stop and look up, the quiet of the space between you and him bringing forth an awkwardness you were not used to. You were on the Sunny, in the doorway of the kitchen and your boyfriend was facing you with deep remorse reflecting his eyes. Or was he your ex now? You didn't know; you didn't even want to think anymore.

He had left you for her. He had hurt you. And no matter if his reasoning was credible, in the end, he had shut you out and left you to pick up the pieces. You know now that Sanji's family - if he could even call them family - were nothing of the affectionate and caring sort. No, they were emotionless and unkind, arrogant and vain; nothing like the man you loved.

You know that this whole scenario probably brought more agony to Sanji than it did to anybody else. But it didn't change the fact that you didn't know how to face him anymore, or how to talk to him. The words he spoke to you when you had finally caught up to him were raging in the back of your mind. Words that though perhaps false in that moment, still brought pain to ever hear from his lips.

"It was all an act... I could never love a low-life like you."

Was it really? Was it really all an act?

Then what were the nights spent buried in his arms, warm and safe and adored? What were the days spent laughing in the kitchen, the generous caresses and murmured words of devotion? What were the quiet moments spent together, where you thought you needed nothing more than him and his love? What were all the promises and bold whispers?

How many times have you heard him say "I love you" and how many times have you returned the sentiment? Hundreds and thousands of kisses were exchanged and a million times your hands held his. So many times, he pledged his loyalty, looked only to you, caressed only you. How many times had you seen that spark of joy and light reach his eyes, because they reflected the tenderness in yours?

Was that all an act too?

Now you found yourself avoiding him, and his faint calls of your name. You and your crew may have escaped Big Mom, and your friends may have found forgiveness for Sanji's actions. But you didn't know if you could do the same so easily. How could you when his words were spat like fire to your heart? How could you when he left you to marry another woman?

How could you when he shut you out so easily?

"Lov-" Sanji freezes, cold sweat on his face as he looks at you. He had never seen you look to him so devoid of the emotions he was so used to seeing. "[y/n]..." his words are a murmur, hesitant and ashamed. You fight the tears that want to travel down your face at the sight of him. He seemed lost, even when he had retaken his solace back on the Sunny and Luffy's crew. He looked pale and worried and regretful. But was that all an act too?

"Please, can we talk?"

Your heart tugs low at his words.

"I- I don't know, Sanji." His eyes spark just for a moment at the sound of your voice directed at him, after days on the sea without even an utterance. "You hurt me, you left me, I-" You swallow harshly as you watch the way his brows furrow in what seems like genuine pain. "I don't know how to move on from that."

You turn away swiftly, trying to get out of the doorway and out of his presence but Sanji is quick to his senses. He reacts desperately, holding your arm in his hand, causing your movements to halt. You look up at him, the tears now rolling down your face mirroring the ones brimming in his eyes.

"Please love, I don't want to move on from you..."

.....

When you arrived at Zou along with Luffy's group after the exhausting events at Dressora, you never thought you would find your boyfriend missing. Never did you dream.

And yet that was your reality.

Nami had rushed to you alongside Chopper, her bright facade faltering once she saw you and her Captain. She had flung herself into Luffy's arms, but her tearful eyes looked only to you.

"I'm sorry...Sanji's..."

Her words and actions already caused the rhythm of your heart to stutter but when she showed you the letter you felt it slip from your chest.

'I've gotta go see a woman. I'll be back.'

The words on the blank sheet of paper were plain and simple. He would be back. But who was this woman, and why was she of such importance he leaves without a trace or word to you?

It is Luffy who breaks the silence.

"Does, 'gotta go see a woman' mean... he's gonna get married?"

Your heart tugs fiercer at your Captain's words, and Nami is quick to strike his head in vexation. "Luffy!" She scolds, before offering a hand to your shoulder in comfort. "That's not necessarily the case..." You look up, and Nami avoids your gaze in regret, you know that there is something else she wants to say. "... but it seemed like he was determined."

"But he's with [y/n]! That's not allowed!"

Nami chastises Luffy again for his insensitivity but you quickly cut her off. "Nami," she looks at you in surprise at the calmness of your voice. "It's fine. He said he'll be back, didn't he?" She nods hesitantly at your words as your crew looks at you in concern.

"Then, he'll be back."

Your friends all stare, unsure of what to say, but as Brook speaks up, you feel your hopes wither slightly. "But, [y/n]-san, the bride is the Emperor's daughter. Of course, Sanji refused the marriage immediately. But that's what troubles me." The apprehension inside of you churns more and more. "It won't be easy to decline such an invitation. What do you think Sanji would do in a situation where he cannot escape the marriage?"

You think of your boyfriend. He was kind, generous and caring. But you had seen instances of him with traces of sadness in his gaze, only for him to brush you off when you asked if something was wrong. He never really knew how to accept the love that you so willingly offered him, and only time made him better at it. But this: this marriage with the daughter of an emperor too powerful for you to even fathom to defeat. You knew the answer to Brook's question quicker than Chopper had replied.

"He's the kind of guy who'll try not to cause us any trouble so he'd try to separate himself from us."

Nami nods slowly, and the ache in your chest builds the franticity within you. "When he tossed us outside, he could've gotten away too. When he wrote the note, I think he'd already made up his mind to go by himself." She meets your regard and you see the discomfort in her irises. She can see your concern, but it soon turns into a fierce resolve.

You had to at least try to get him to open up to you; to talk to you.

You would do anything for Sanji. You had to go see him and stop him. Surely, he was not doing this of his own free will, surely there were layers to this marriage and he obviously had his reasons why he must concede to them. So, when Luffy had shouted that he would go meet with Sanji and talk to him, you had agreed instantly despite the anxious murmurs of the crew.

"You're facing an emperor!"

Their concerns were valid but your worry for your boyfriend was more significant. He would never hurt you, or that's what you thought when you had joined Luffy, Nami, Brook and Chopper on your journey to Whole Cake Island. Surely he would open up to you as you had done to him so many times before. Surely he would come to his senses the moment he laid eyes on you. You could not fathom anything otherwise.

How wrong you were.

.....

When Sanji saw you, Luffy and Nami, for a moment his heart was overcome with hope, but it diverted immediately to utter fear and despair. His heart rate raged against his chest and in the presence of his brothers and father, his trepidation only grew.

Why were you here? Why were you here where he could not protect you?

When Luffy had flung himself onto his carriage with his wide smile and optimistic words, his mind could only pitch what was on the line. His hands were set to detonate if he even desired to leave, those on the Baratie were in jeopardy and you; the crew. He could not let you live a life under the rein of an emperor he knew would show little mercy.

He loved you; God did he love you.

But you just couldn't be here.

When Sanji had kicked Luffy from the carriage, you had watched, heart in your throat and completely stunned. You could hear Nami shouting at Sanji, "Hey! What are you doing Sanji-kun!" But when Sanji met eyes with you, he knew the only way to get you to leave; the only way to protect you was with words that would make you despise him.

"Get packing, you low-class pirates!"

You are voiceless at the way his eyes could contort to a way that shone with such disdain.

"My name is Vinsmoke Sanji. I'm a prince of the Germa Kingdom! I'm sorry for keeping it a secret. I thought that it'd make you miserable. The difference between our standings couldn't be clearer. If I stay here, I can spend money and use soldiers and servants as I like. Going back to that crappy ship with you... or staying here, marrying Big Mom's beautiful daughter."

Your heart falters as you hear the words slip his lips.

"It's pretty obvious which is a happier life. Don't take the note seriously. I won't go back with you! I can't believe you've come all the way here."

There is a silence that lingers on your behalf, and the way Sanji looks to you - to all of you - makes you want to wither and perish. You can hear Luffy shouting to Sanji in complete denial of his words, anger morphing on his face. Sanji approaches slowly as Luffy refuses to go away, and even as he leaves the carriage his expression does nothing to falter.

"I don't know what made you come, but I appreciate that you took the trouble. Having said that, if you really think about me, you should've done the opposite. Rather than being with you guys who are poor and weak, it'd be better to be part of the rich and powerful Big Mom Pirates. I'll be happier-"

"SHUT UP!"

Your words reach the air, interrupting your boyfriend's words before you can stop yourself. Sanji's heart lurches at your anger-tainted words, and yet he finds himself silently begging that you would leave quietly. However, you are too hurt to answer his prayers. You rush forward, past Luffy and Nami who calls your name hesitantly. You move until you're in front of Sanji, hands balled into fists by your side.

"Shut up! You can't mean that! Sanji-" Your words start to wilt the more you see his unbending stare remain on you, piercing and urging you to hate him, but you wouldn't. "How can you say that, Sanji? I know you; I know this can't be what you want. Just tell me the truth, we won't run, we'll fight whatever it is that you are fighting. You don't have to protect me from anything... I just want to be with you. Please Sanji, I love you, I know you love me too-"

"You actually believe that?"

You freeze when Sanji speaks to you, eyes unwavering, shaded expression, persuasive words. "What? Sanji stop, what are you-" But when you look up he is looking at you in a way you could not fathom to be true. Such contempt and hostility, and a hint of mockery. "You actually think, I care about you? That I want to protect you?" You shake your head slowly as aversion starts to build up within you.

"You're a liability, [y/n]."

"I was bored and miserable with you. The emperor is giving me a chance with her daughter, a woman who could actually make me happy. Who are you to deny me that?" You grit your teeth, anger taking hold of you, as you step forward and grasp the collar of his shirt in your hold. Sanji's eyes flicker with a moment's surprise before returning to the deadpan stare that you begin to despise.

"You're lying," you say, but Sanji does not falter. Your tears start to pour down your face as you look at your boyfriend devoid of his love. "Come back to the Sunny with us, Sanji. Let me in Sanji. Where's the man I fell in love with?" Sanji doesn't think that he loathed himself more than he did the moment he stared back at you, desperately trying to keep his own tears at bay. How could this be the way he says goodbye to the love of his life?

"It was all an act. Of course, I could never love a low-life like you."

At his words, you think you feel something break deep within you. Your hold goes limp on his collar and your eyes are wide in shock. Tears pour down your face, but suddenly you feel numb and you think you can actually hear your heart break. You hear Luffy's rage from behind you along with Nami's shouts of outrage. You can hear the muffled laughter of Sanji’s brothers beyond the carriage at your crestfallen expression.

Nami drags you back to her. Sanji fights Luffy so that he would make him leave too. But you feel so hollow you hardly even register the events that take place around you. When Luffy falls limp to the ground you still look numbly to the man in front of you.

Nami's slap was sharp against Sanji's cheek, but what twisted his insides more was the fact that you did nothing. Instead, you looked at him with the most barren expression he had ever seen from you. An expression he fought to keep from touching your face was placed in front of him because of him. Sanji almost broke, but he could say nothing. "Goodbye. Sorry- we should've never done this." Nami's words are harrowing to his ears, but again he could say nothing. She instantly went to your side uttering comforts but he no longer saw your face.

In his mind, he screamed at you to stay. He screamed that he wanted to be with you for eternity. That he loved you like nothing else in this world. He never wanted to leave you, he never wanted to marry anyone but you. The days spent chasing women were left behind in the past like specs of dust. You were all that had encompassed him. You were all that made him feel worthy of love and life and warmth.

His shock when he learnt that you, actually felt the same was like the feeling of his heart retching free and soaring through the sky. He never thought a day would come when a woman he loved as much as he loved you, could return that same devotion. He was in heaven. Every day with you was heaven. He never even dreamt that a goodbye would come, because he would rather perish than let it become reality.

He had made his worst nightmare come true.

All because he couldn't let you in. He couldn't hurt you. He wouldn't let the burdens on his back be the burden on yours. He doesn't want to cause you misery because of a choice he made or a past that he runs from. You were his angel, and he felt as though reaching out would taint your heart and your outlook on him.

And so, he left.

His brothers laughed and shouted absurdities, but he didn't look back.

"Damn Sanji, you sure had some tasteful women on your crew."

"Yeah call back the chick with the [h/c] hair! If you don't want her I might entertain her for a night or-"

"Shut up!"

Such fury fills him at his brother's words that he loathed their beings almost as much as he loathed himself.

Luffy's words that he would stay unmoving until his return echo through the distance placed between you both, and that is when he lets his tears slip. But his tears aren't for his Captain, they're for you. You and the life he thought he was so blessed to share with you. He had thought so stupidly that maybe all the turmoil he had faced in his early life was because you would be waiting in the future, and be a hundred times worth the despair he had felt.

But of course, it would all be stripped away. You wouldn't forgive him. He wouldn't forgive himself. He would have to live with the fact that the love of his life was gone for good, and along with you, any ounce of love he felt in his heart.

.....

"Stop Dreaming! Will I Marry that low life? No way!"

"That idiot played right into my hands. And fell for me."

Isn't it funny, how you don't realise the damage your words can do until they are thrown back at you?

Was this how you felt when he had thrown your love away?

No, it must've been worse because these were the words of a woman he couldn't love, but you; he had loved you and you had loved him. The words from his fiancé sounded shrill and sharp against his ears, but he could not even compare how he would've felt if those words were from you.

Sanji felt the energy leave him as suddenly as his hopes to move on from you and the crew had come. What was wrong with him? Leant heavily on a wall he listens as this woman berates him for his stupidity. But he deserved it. That's what he thought.

He had left the days of chasing women long ago, but he found himself forcing himself back into the rhythm just to push the thoughts of you from his head.

Yes, I'll cook for pudding-chan.

Yes, I'll just revert to Sanji. The Sanji who loves women.

Yes, I'll forget, I'll move on.

But the dish he made for Pudding was the abundance of favourite foods of his crew. The one in larger quantity was yours. '[y/n]...' Sanji retched himself free of your image for only a moment but his heart jolted laboriously against his chest. He missed you. But then, he'd remember the flash of your downcast eyes shining in utter despondency and in the absence of the love he usually saw in them.

He didn't deserve you.

But when he hears Pudding's words mock him of his love and being. He did nothing but miss you. Miss your kind words and gentle touch. Miss your honest love and your silent comforts. Miss your joy and laughter and the glimmer in your eyes when he cooked something for you.

Fuck, he missed you.

Sanji crumbles, flowers lost from his grip and food long forgotten. He reaches for a cigarette; he was on his last few having gone through them like nothing these past few days. But as he reaches the lighter and flicks and flicks and flicks again, there is no light. When finally, a glimmer of hope prevails and he sees his cigarette catch fire, it is out in an instant by the pouring rain.

The vision of your smiling face is lost along with it.

One tear slips past his face, followed by another. His heartache was almost unbearable as he felt himself move away. Anywhere was better than listening to the words of the woman he was betrothed to. But the place he wanted to be in most was the embrace of the woman he loved.

.....

Now you are standing there, in his grasp and in front of him, but your eyes were filled with a pain he feared he couldn't ever undo.

"Please love, I don't want to move on from you..."

Your eyes meet his and he sees an emotion he had never seen in your gaze: hesitation. You were usually so sure with him, so usually knowing that he was your safe space and your comfort and all you could need. Sanji hates that he had stripped that all away.

You begin to speak but he is quick to cut off your sparing words.

"Sanji-"

"I never loved her."

Your eyes shoot open as his words tumble like boulders from his mouth.

"I- I only love you. Those words I said to you, I didn't mean a single thing. I don't hate you, I wasn't miserable with you, I was the happiest I had ever been and I was stupid to give it up so quickly. I was a coward. I-"

A tear slips lonely down your cheek, but you are surprised when you feel slight anger ignite in your system rather than resistance.

"That's what you think I'm angry about Sanji?"

The man in front of you freezes mid-sentence, his anxious eyes giving way to utter confusion.

“I-“

"That's what you think hurt me?"

You let out a soft, emotionless laugh as you look to the ceiling and back to him, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"I wanted you to let me in, I wanted you to let me help you. I told you not to protect me, I told you to let me fight with you but you didn't."

There is a silence that unveils the sentiment of truth in your pain. Your own boyfriend had left you with bitter words, but what had torn your heart to shreds was the fact that you thought he did not trust you to carry his burdens as he did yours. You thought that a relationship with him would concur to you being his person as much as he was yours and yet he had shut you out and walked away.

"You pushed me away."

Your last words to him are quiet, and the pain exceeds what you can hold back so tears start to cascade quickly down your face.

"Sanji-"

He moves before you even have the chance to continue, your broken words causing his own chest to squeeze painfully. He pulls you close to him and in an instant, you are engulfed in his arms and your senses are filled with his familiar scent and warmth. You tremble slightly as you push your face deeper into his chest, and his face buries itself into your skin.

Sanji feels his heart contort painfully as it goes from warmth to agony.

How can a woman such as you exist?

Your kindness he didn't deserve? Your love and consideration he had hid himself from? Your devotion to him? All this time he had thought the words he spoke to you were what caused the distance between the two of you. But you were hurting because he had not trusted that you would accept him and comfort him and carry his hardships as yours.

"I'm so sorry love. I- I just didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to see how pathetic I was in my earlier life. I didn't want you to see me differently. I didn't want to burden you or cause you hurt."

Your tears start to slow and your heart rate steadies as you find solace in the chasms of his arms. "I know that I just-" Your words stumble into your soft cries.

"I just wanted to help you."

When Sanji pulls away and looks into your eyes, he finds in them a glimmer of hope. Could he dare to ask for your forgiveness? When he moves next it is out of all the love he has for you in his heart, all of his regret and sorrow and devotion. His breath is hot against your lips before they connect, deep and soft and passionate. He brings your form closer to him, his touch like fire on your skin.

You finally respond.

A hand carves its way into the depths of his blond hair as you pull him impossibly closer. You move desperately against him and pour all the fondness and misery you held onto into the kiss. It lasted for long moments, the pressing of your mouth to his, the warmth and the love. When you pulled apart his head rested on yours, his affection still lingering on your skin. Your breaths were uneven.

"My love, forgive me."

When his gaze meets yours, it is filled with his pure, honest intention. Yes, the division cast between you may take more than a kiss to heal. Yes, the trust shared between you may have to be built from a hundred conversations and reassurances. But the love that the both of you had was true, and you knew that neither one of you would be moving on from the other. So, you smile tenderly and sadly at him as you tug his face to yours and connect your lips softly and deliberately.

In your mind was one thought.

You'll both be just fine.

[storiesfromafan]

Don't Do It - Mattheo Riddle x Reader

A/N: Just a under 1000 word one-shot 😊 And trying to break writers block, haha.

Prompt/s: Write a scene in a library where the characters must whisper or stay silent.

And,

“Dont do it” “But...”

Late afternoon, an hour since classes ended for the day. The library was reasonably busy, due to various groups of students at the tables studying for the next days tests in different classes. It was mostly silent, minus the soft whispers of the students to each other.

Sitting at one of those tables, your boyfriend at your side, you were the only two to have their own table. Which irked a fair amount of students, so every so often you would get dirty looks. Yet neither you or Mattheo cared. Not now, not ever.

You were currently reading over a book for potions. Your boyfriend at your side, chair close to yours. His arm was slung over the back of your chair, his hand playing with the ends of your hair which cascaded down your back. Every now and then Mattheo would lean in, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Making you smile or giggle. That also got some unkind looks from the other females in the room. As your dear boyfriend was one of the few sort after boys of Slytherin and Hogwarts.

While you weren’t really high up on the list of girls the boys wanted to snog. Though that never bothered you. You weren’t ugly or anything, you were quiet pretty. It’s just boys tended to go for the prettier, and sometimes easier girls. And you might ask why Mattheo chose you. You didn't fuss over him, or make goo-goo eyes at him. Sure, you thought he was cute, even had a small crush on him. But you kept a level head. And Mattheo liked that, as well as the challenge of getting you.

After he got you it just got better and better. Mattheo never got tired of you. If anything, he just liked you more, even loved you. And after getting to know the real Mattheo, you began to love him back. Separate, you were smart while he was a troublemaker. Together, you were yin and yang. You managed Mattheo's wild side, while he brought out the fire in you.

This looked to be one of those moments. For your boyfriend's attention wasn't on you so much any more, rather he was shooting daggers at the Golden Trio. To be fair they had been looking at you both, sour looks upon their faces. Not to mention whispering to themselves while looking to you both.

It was starting to get to you too, but you had more patience then Mattheo. You just knew he was itching to say something, or hex them. The way his hand on your back twitched told you his restraint was wavering. When he drew his hand from you, and hands hid under the table before you both, he had made his decision.

“Don't do it" you whispered, eyes still on the book before you.

“But...” he whispered back.

“I said, don't do it" you repeated, turning the page casually.

“It's just one small hex, love" Mattheo tried to reason.

You sighed, “one small hex will lead to detention, love" you mocked. “You can’t afford another detention. Or else no Quidditch for you".

Mattheo sat there silently. No doubt weighing up his options, hex and detention or play Quidditch. With a soft groan Mattheo pouted, slouching down in his chair. You looked at him from the corner of your eye. You found his childishness amusing. He wanted to hex those three so badly. But Quidditch was his escape.

Closing the book, you leant back in your chair with a small stretch. Shooting a dark look to the Golden Trio, you turned to face your boyfriend. Who had gone back to glaring at the three. You leant into him and placed a kiss to his cheek, before moving your lips to his ear.

“It's alright, love. You can get your payback on the Quidditch field" you whispered sweetly in his ear. “Wouldn't it be just dreadful if Potter was knocked out by a bludger, or hit with a Quaffle".

You moved back just enough to watch the dark smirk cross Mattheo's sinful lips. “Yes, love, just dreadful”. He then turned to place a linger kiss to your own cheek, making you laugh a little too loudly.

[teamdarkweek]

TDW bookclub - ish. Important note below on my failings, I'm afraid.

An exploration of the Sonic Movie 3 set if the main cast were able to join us in their roles! With some added Shadow-lore sandwiched in the middle, and canon-typical Omegisms. (6k words)

I should not have initially bookmarked this, because it is correctly tagged as containing ship when the week was explicitly for non-ship content. This happened because due to personal circumstances I wasn't able to do spend enough time running the week when it came around and was trusting that everything would be fine with me being more-light touch during the week.

Since I already included it, I think it would be unfair for me to remove this from the collection/ blog as I should have reached out to the creator at the time, not nearly 6 weeks after when I got through my reading list and I didn't do my job. I acknowledge that this is inconsistent and unfair considering that I know some others wanted to join in but didn't specifically because of the no ship rule, and I can't really defend that point, but I think this is the best I can do now in the circumstance I have got myself in. Sorry again.

Together Again... For Studiopolis (Feb 6: Together)

Rouge, Shadow, and Omega had never expected to return to the movies. But when Sonic asks them to help him out with the new movie in the Sonic the Hedgehog series, it's time to return to Studiopolis!

OKAY!! here's the fic for day six of @teamdarkweek ! it took way too long soo i hope people like it

[miniaturesuitgladiator]

Batfam x Neglected Mortal

Kombat reader

Lucid Dreams llll l

Notes: this is part six to lucid dreams. Readers brother is just an oc. He isn't in mortal kombat. Read the notes on this to explain.

Warnings: child neglect, child abuse, threatening.

___________________________________________

It's been so long since you've last seen him. He's now much taller but still not quite as tall as you. And for a moment you don't recognize him. Because he's changed.

He's no longer the little four year old that you left...and your surprised that he even remembers you. But then again he's always had such a good memory....

And you wonder if he remembers everything...like how mean you were to him....

You had never really liked him.. he was what you could never be. Pure. He had purpose.

He was made on purpose.

But you? You were an accident. And everyone knew that.

Despite you being the bastard and him the true blood. He never treated you unkind. In fact he was quite the opposite. He was kind and loving.

He looked up to you. In his mind you were his sibling no matter the circumstances. But maybe that was just his four year old mine speaking.

But sadly you didn't see it like that. To you it felt embarrasseing to be seen with him.

You never wanted to be looked down on. But when you were with him. It was as if you were constantly compared.

By your father. By your people. By everyone.

So you pushed him away and tried to make it clear to him that you didn't want anything to do with him. But he still looked at you as if you held the world in your hands.

Now looking at him you truly realize how cruel you must've looked. He must hate you right?

But looking in his eyes they hold no anger or resentment in them. Only curiosity. His eyes are sharp and they're the same color as your father...and that makes you visibly cringe.

You've tried so hard to forget him. To forget the way he looks. To forget the color of his eyes.. To forget your past. But like usual it comes back to bite you.

He doesn't look like you. He's got his looks from his mother. While you got yours from your own mother.

You hear his steps on the gravel road.

"I've missed you sister." He says and his voice has now lost the baby tone. He's no longer the cute kid you once knew. Now he's a fighter. And a killer no doubt. And yet his words still sound honest.

"Why are you here?" You say. And you're voice is sharp. It doesn't sound like your asking a question but as if your commanding an answer. And you are.

You don't bother with the small talk. Why should you? You don't want him to be here. He shouldn't be here.

He smiles and it isn't his shy smile like he used to give you. No, now it's a sly smile. As if he knows you won't like his answer.

" haven't you missed me sister? Or have you been to busy with your pathetic other brother. What was his name...jason?" He says.

Now that ticked you off. Because more often then not that wasn't a reply. That was threat.

He just made it very clear that he knows how close you and jason are. His smile is still sly as he waits for your reply.

"Know your place Kion." You say. And your words shock you. Kion that's his name.

you felt like you had almost forgotten it. And yet it came back to you so naturally. And you suppose it natural. Because he is your brother.

He takes a step forward but you don't move. He examines you almost like a predator.

"I seen you kill that clown and I must say I'm impressed by your brutality. " He says.

He had been watching you. That was no surprise. But hearing how brutal you killed the joker made you want to throw up.

It's true you had killed the joker with brutal force. You wanted him to feel all the pain jason had felt. So you burned him alive. Slowly.

"Father will be pleased to know that you aren't some Saint anymore. " Kion says and his voice breaks you out of your trance.

He's right. You aren't a saint. Atleast Not anymore. Your a killer. Just like him.

You hadn't killed...until jason got kidnapped.

"It's a good thing this world hasn't turned you soft. We don't need a soft person in are clan." He says. And you already know why he's here. He's here to take you back. But still you ask the same questions you've already asked.

"Why are you here?" You say and now its your turn to examine him. You see his scars his long hair that he has pulled into a bun. Just like your father.

But you also see something else. Something in his eyes. Something that you can't quite tell yet. He's hiding something from you.

"Father wants you to come back home." He says. But you already knew that.

"Why? Why after all this time?" You say and he looks away from your eyes. He's definitely hiding something. And he knows you can read anyone. Including him. So he doesn't look at you as he speaks.

"Father will tell you when you return home." He says and his gaze still doesn't match yours.

"This is my home. And if you don't tell me why then I'm not going with you just for father to kill me." You say. Your lying you hate it here especially with your complicated life with your mother.

But can't let him see that. You can't let him see that you actually do want to go home. Because he'll exploit it.

"Father wouldn't kill you. Your still his daughter." He says and his gaze finally meets yours. Because he's telling the truth and wants you to read him so that you can see that.

"I'm not going unless you tell me why." You say and it's true you wouldn't go with him until he told you why you father wanted you now.

You know that your father probably wouldn't kill you. No, your far to valuable for that. But why did he send for you just now?

He sighs giving in. Because he knows your being honest. And he looks you in your eyes as he speaks.

"Sub-zero has taken something from us." He says and his eyes slightly change for just a moment but you see it. Then he turns his face away from you.

Now that surprised you. Sub-zero had always been like a brother to your father. And he was always very kind to you despite his cold demeanor.

"What did he take?" You ask as you look down at your brother. You can see that your question visibility makes him uncomfortable.

"Father will tell you when you return home." He says and though his voice is calm you can hear the fierceness in it. He truly isn't going to tell you anymore.

"Then I'm not returning home." You say and your lying. Because your actually considering going with him. But can't let him know that.

"If you do not come with me then father will drag you back. And trust me ,sister, you do not want that." He says and his tone is completely different from the calm tone he had before.

He sees the uncertainty in your eyes. But that's just what you want him to see. You want him to see defiance. And he does. So he begins speaking again.

"Please sister, come back if not for father...then for me." His voice is pleading and he looks in your eyes with desperation waiting for your answer.

"You stopped being my brother along time ago."

You don't know why you said that. You blame it on the horrible day you had with your mother. But you can't blame everything on her. Especially now seeing how much you've hurt Kion.

His eyes change from desperation to anger quickly. And you don't blame him. He's hurt. You hurt him. Again. And he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. So he does what your father has probably showed him. He turns his emotions into anger.

"Do you still hate me that much sister?" He says and his eyes hold anger but there's something behind his eyes. Something behind the wall he's built.

Your quiet. you don't know what to say.... and you feel horrible...because your acting like your mother.

"Fine. If hate me that much. Then prove it." He says and his gaze is locked on yours. His eyes have that blaze look of fire in them.

"Kill me." He says and his words are so strong. It throws you off guard how serious he is.

"Kill you?" You question as if unsure of what you heard.

"Yes. If you truly hate me. Then do it. You'll be out of are clan. That's your way out." He says and his words are true. Killing him would be your way out.

Because you are blood related to your clan the only way to get out of your clan would be to kill someone else blood related.

"Don't make me laugh Kion. Need I remind you exactly how strong I am?" You say and it's a threat. A threat that you know you can make. Because you know your strong. And you know your stronger than him.

He smiles but it isn't a sly smile anymore no it's a smile that's difficult to read. But you can see it. He's masking his pain...

"I'm not going to fight you sister... if you truly do hate me. Then prove it. Kill me. I'm not going to stop you." He says. And that makes you confused. Because he sounds honest. Why is he doing this?

It's a test that's first sure. But what does he get out of this? If you kill him you'll be out of your clan but why is he risking his life?

You stay silent and continue staring at him but he takes your silence as a form of agreement.

"Go ahead sister....." He says and his head is turned to the side and he's afraid. You can see that.

And you begin looking around. This has to be a test. You know that. But happens if you fail?

He's giving you so many weak spots. Weak spots that your sure he was taught not to show.

"I'll make it easy for you." He says and he sheaths his sword. And you take a step back ready to defend yourself. But surprisingly he throws you the sword.

"Let me die an honorable death ,by sword." He says as you catch the sword. The sword feels heavy in your hands. There's no telling how many life's its taken. How many life he's taken.

Your still quiet the depth of the situation finally kicking. You lift the sword up and hold it to his neck. The tip of his sword is lightly touching his skin.

But he doesn't look at you with shock that your doing this. He looks in patient.

"No, if your going to kill me do it the right way." He says and he grabs the tip of the sword and points it at his heart.

"Breaks my heart one last time before I die." He says and that hurts you. Because you don't want to hurt him. Atleast Not anymore. And yet your still holding the sword to his heart.

"Do it." He whispers and his gaze is locked onto yours he wants you to see his pain. To see how your hurting him. And even though his eyes are exactly like your father's you can't seem to hate them.

Because they match yours.

But you can't let him see your weakness so you have to play along. You have to let him see you as heartless if just for a moment.

So you push the sword deeper into his chest. Not enough to cut him but enough to break through his clothing. Now the tip of the sword is against his skin. And if you push just a bit deeper it'll cut him.

His eyes are still looking into yours as if he's just waiting. And you see it. It's more then just this. Then just you hating him. Something happened.

"What did Sub-zero take?" You ask again and you drop his sword. It's not like you were actually going to kill him. But he didn't know that. And as the sword falls to the ground he sighs.

"That's for father to tell you." He says but his walls are slowly starting to fall and you can tell. So you push just a little more.

You put your hand on his shoulder. A comfortable touch. And you can tell it soothes him. "Tell me Kion." You say with such a soft tone that it throws him off guard.

"He killed her....." He says and his eyes fill up with tears. Tears that you know he's been holding back. Tears that he's been trained to hide.

"Killed who?" You ask confused.

his voice breaks and he's crying. It's the first time you've ever seen him cry.....

"My mother....He killed my mother."

_______________________

Thanks for reading!!

Taglist: @dhanyasri , @kore-of-the-underworld , @i-adorehannah , @plsfckmedxddy , @phoenixgurl030 @bunbunboysworld @bat1212 @skepvids @sirenetheblogger @Nervousalpacalady @118gremlin @darktrashpoetry @bitternsweet @kksmush @awawage @coffeemin @feral-childs-word @cens0r3d @sweetprincesscomputer @exactlynumberonekryptonite @rosy-myhouse34 @hebaoffside @sheep-from-rad @time-shardz @vanessa-boo @jellyedkazoo @chinxinsomnia @sillysealsies @nervousalpacalady @gwyneveire @simpingpandas

[vaguely-concerned]

obsessed with the fact that if you choose the last purple option in lucanis' romance chat before going off to tearstone island ("they MOVED the MOON!!!" still in the running for the best delivery in the whole game btw it's so ineffably hilarious to me), it's rook who flinches away just a little bit (if still warmly <3) and tries to change the topic and lucanis who's steady even though he's clearly still so afraid. 'don't tempt fate'/'*the softest fucking voice you've ever heard in your entire life* I don't intend to'. pain and suffering

lucanis looking at rook and helplessly, with a wonder that verges on despair, saying 'what would I do without you?' is soooo. especially at that point in the relationship and with what's about to happen. and for whatever reason rook can't quite stay with the fact that they do mean that much to someone, that they are so reverently and so groundingly 'I want to know what your favourite food is so I can make it for you any time you want it' everyday loved, it's too much and they have to deflect from it or the fear of losing it. can say some very interesting things about them, too.

(there is also a Pattern in that in my estimation lucanis frequently responds better to inviting humour than to earnest shows of concern -- it seems to help him be more engaged/online to be offered that more neutral space to meet you in and uh 'build' the conversation around something funny together than to be confronted with compassion head-on because that clearly mostly deer-in-the-headlights him, as we also see with some of the early flirt options haha. contrast this especially with bellara, who repeatedly gets genuinely upset if you try to make light of some pressing and painful situation she's dealing with (girl I'm so sorry I'm so jestercore and I canot change this but I'll try :'( for you). I think the times lucanis reacts negatively to the purple options are much more about you siding with other (frequently more charismatic lol) people against him or throwing him under the bus interpersonally -- like seeming to go along with illario's charm offensives, or telling teia lucanis didn't want to come help out with caterina's funeral and he'd just sit alone and brood about it if you didn't force him (???!!! hello??? unprovoked and deeply unkind out of left field???? this option is so fucking MEAN and for what fhdaskjfa you're telling me there's no way for rook to be a bit of a dick in this game?)

when it's one on one conversation he consistently seems to find it quite comforting, though... which makes a lot of sense because in many ways it's how he interacts with illario, just shorn of the resentments and hidden daggers and things they Do Not Talk About but really should beneath the levity that makes it sharp. it's gone ugly between them, but I think the affectionate instinct beneath is real and goes back a long way before all of that festered -- it's a form of play he does with people he loves. and uh. not really caterina huh. notably.)

[starry-nights-garden]

Ateez Reaction ✧ Finding out their s/o has self harm scars

✧ Ateez all members x gn!reader ✧ genre: reaction, comfort ✧ warnings: mentions of self harm/self harm scars

Author's note: I've been wanting to write something like this for a long time and always hesitated to do it because I was afraid of any unkind reactions. However, I figured that we all deserve to feel neutral and okay about our scars, so I hope that this can be a comfort to some <3

Hongjoong:

when he first happens to catch a glimpse of your scars on accident he's pretty sure that they're self harm scars

but he'll keep quiet about them, aware that he probably wasn't meant to see them, and in no way does he want to pressure you into talking about something you're not ready to

however he does make sure to drop a "you know you can tell me anything" as soon as he gets the chance for it

once you do decide to tell him though, he'll try his best to just listen and to make it clear that he would never ever judge you for something like this

won't ask too many questions so as not to overwhelm you - instead he'll convey to you that you can always come talk to him about this if you want to

definitely the type to caress and kiss your scars a lot (if you're okay with that), in order to make you feel that you don't need to be ashamed of them or hide them

he will do a lot of research on the topic as well, and will try to find ways to help spread awareness and destigmatize self harm scars

Seonghwa:

when you open up to him about your self harm scars he can't hide the shock that creeps onto his face

words aren't enough to describe just how worried he is, and even before figuring out how he should react, he'll be reaching out for your hands to wrap them tightly into his

it'll take him a while to process what you just told him, but he'll find the right words eventually

"I'm here for you if you need me. Always. Okay?"

thankful for his sincere words, you just nod, and as you're tearing up because he didn't react badly and you can feel just how much you can trust him, tears well up in his eyes as well

attempting to hide them, he offers you a warm hug instead, wanting nothing more than to make you feel protected

after that, you feel like he'll prioritize your wellbeing even more, doing his best to always be there for you and to support you in whatever way possible

he will also take having deep conversations about your feelings even more serious now, and at time where you're feeling down he will become very protective of you and pamper you as much as he can!

Yunho:

he's not sure how to react when you confess to him that you have self harm scars

you can see that he's internally panicking, because whatever he imagined this conversation was going to be about, he would've never considered this option

"A-are you okay?" - the question just bursts out of him as it's the first thing that came to mind, and it's so blunt that it almost makes you chuckle a bit

you assure him that you're okay currently, and he lets out a massive sigh of relief

but as he starts thinking about it some more, he comes to realize that he actually has a lot of questions

he desperately wants to understand your reasons and how you feel about your scars now, etcetc, so he starts carefully asking you about everything that's on his mind

tries his best to understand you as you start explaining, and if you hesitate on a question he'll immediately tell you that you don't have to give him an answer if you feel uncomfortable

talking to you about it definitely makes him feel relieved, and he also won't hesitate to ask about how to help you in a time of crisis, and how to best support you should the urge to hurt yourself return

Yeosang:

he doesn't want to pressure you to talk about them when he first sees your scars, and he's really good at pretending he doesn't know about them, but in a way that also makes it a bit harder for you to finally talk to him about them

and yet when you do manage to tell him, he's still as shocked as if he hadn't already known about them

he doesn't know how to react, so after some consideration he simply asks you how you feel about them

he really wants to know how comfortable you are talking about them, showing them, etcetc, so that he can react more appropriately

will make sure to match your energy on this - if you're uncomfortable he'll go slow and offer that you can talk about them whenever you want to, while also assuring you that you don't have to; if you're comfortable he'll let himself be a bit more curious

either way he will trust you on what you tell him, and when you assure him that he doesn't have to worry he will believe you

instead, he'll offer an open ear whenever you need it, and he will prove to you that it was the right decision to open up to him about it

San:

fears the worst when he catches a glimpse of your scars one day, but tells himself he shouldn't ask about them and instead wait until you're ready to talk about them yourself

but of course this guy will be worried sick within only a few days, until he ends up very carefully asking you about them

and when you confirm his assumption about your scars, he becomes so worried and at the same time so sad that you had to go through such pain that you would resort to hurting yourself

will approach you very slowly, and then cup your face in his hands to get a good look at you, and you swear nobody has ever looked at you with such pure and deep love in their eyes

"If there's anything I can do to make it better... please tell me. I'll do anything."

you nod, and you let him pull you into a loving kiss that he doesn't seem to want to break as his lips linger on yours

aside from the initial shock, he deals with it quite well, but he definitely becomes more protective of you from then on

makes sure to check in with you whenever you seem down or stressed, and reminds you to take care of yourself just as much as he offers to be there for you whenever you need him

if you're okay with it, he will make a habit of tracing your scars mindlessly, while whispering promises about how he'll do whatever he can so that you would never have to feel this bad ever again

Mingi:

the first time he sees your scars he won't know how to react immediately

however, he's sensible enough to figure that he should try to stay calm first of all

but he also knows that if he doesn't ask about them, he will probably lie awake at night, unable to stop worrying about you

and so he somewhat awkwardly asks what those scars are, and when you give him an honest answer he'll be both relieved and shocked

relieved because it means you trust him a lot, and shocked because now he's wondering what kind of pain you must've gone through to make you hurt yourself

this guy immediately offers you open arms in case you want a hug, and when you accept the embrace he'll tell you that whenever you're having a hard time, he'll be there to protect you

doesn't ask any questions and won't make you talk about it, but from then on you notice him checking up on how you're feeling just a bit more frequently, and he makes sure to make you feel that you always have someone to lean on with him, even during difficult conversations

over time he will definitely start giving your scars a lot of attention, especially when you’re cuddling, tracing them with his fingers and kissing them, while repeatedly whispering to you how much he loves you

Wooyoung:

his first thought when he sees your scars isn't that you caused them yourself, but rather that someone else hurt you

so he's understandably upset, and will immediately reach out for you, asking about who did this to you

until it dawns on him that something's not quite right, because now you're staring at him in shock, and eventually you manage to whisper a "me"

he lets go of you and apologizes for reacting like he did, and you can undoubtedly see how he's calming himself down in order to reassess the situation properly

"Do you... want to talk about it?" - he eventually figures he should just ask, and let you decide what to do with this situation

will listen intently in case you say yes, and when you explain to him why you hurt yourself he will make you promise to come talk to him instead, should you ever feel the urge again

gives you kisses and headpats and hugs and anything else you might want after you make the promise, and when he brings you in for a tight hug he'll whisper a thank you for trusting him enough to tell him about it

Jongho:

he won't make it obvious, but by the time you tell him about your scars, he already has a good guess about what they are, based on the few glimpses he's caught of them so far

will control his reaction to your confession very well, so as not to make you worry about his feelings and to focus on you

acknowledges what you choose to tell him about it, and will listen to what you have to say rather than asking questions about it

"You know if there's something you want to talk about, you can always tell me." - will assure you of that while brushing a thumb against your cheek

however, it will soon become obvious that he's more worried than he initially allowed himself to show, because now he refuses to leave your side if you're not feeling well, and somehow you feel like he's more reluctant to let you go when he hugs you

as you talk more about it, he'll trust that you will come talk to him before doing anything stupid, but still he'll stay at least a little protective of you and offer to help distract you in case you feel the need to hurt yourself again

he too is the type who will find himself touching your scars every now and then (if you give him the okay), kissing them or tracing them with his fingertips in hopes that one day you would associate them with something positive as well

[bunni-v1]

Aommgg

Could I request the nrc staff + grim finding out you‘re a girl (plantonic)?

Or do they all know straight from the start?

TW: None

Info: Crowley, Grim, Sam, Cruel, Trien x Reader (Platonic)

🍓Hello lovely! I didn't want to make a whole long post about this, but I do want to talk about it. I'm so glad you asked! So the staff is... made aware of the situation, obviously. But, I think I'll go a little into depth on how each member deals with this information.

Crowley knows because... well... he sees you out of the ceremonial robes before anyone else does. He handles it as well as he does every other issue he comes across. "Just cover it up!" Famously said by Crowley. He's not unkind though, he does ensure that you get the help you need and he makes sure you keep what you need hidden, well, hidden. But... he won't do more than the bare minimum unless his hand is forced. Like... with Scarabia, he pretty much threatened the whole dorm with expulsion if they so much as uttered a word to anyone but amongst themselves. He is, unsurprisingly, not a father figure to you. He's more like... you're weird quirky uncle that you like, but only in small doses.

Grim, our little guy, finds out at the same time as Crowley... and he's a little harder to convince to keep his mouth shut to start. He doesn't like you, okay, you stole his position at NRC (like he had a chance at all). With a few well-placed cans of tuna from both you and Crowley, he keeps his little rat mouth shut. However, when you're actually granted studentship as NRC? His tune changes. It changes because Crowley holds his position as a student over his head, but it changes. Not a SINGLE person will ever hear you're a woman from Grim. He can't lose this position, not after so much work to get where he's gotten to. Besides, he grows to really love you! You're family to him, and no one out family. Seriously, he's so protective of it, once Ace and Deuce figure it out they're too scared to talk because of Grim's looming presence.

Sam is the first member of Staff to find out, other than Crowley. How? Crowley's sudden interest in pads, tampons, birth control, and all the fun stuff that comes with being a woman. Sam usually would just shrug his shoulders and excuse Crowley's quirky behavior, but then you come in looking like a lost deer and he gets it. He is genuinely so nice to you though! If you ever feel unsafe on campus, you talk to Sam and he'll handle it for you, okay? Sure, he jacks up the prices on your feminine products, but it's considerably less than his normal prices. Hell, if you're short, he'll "suddenly" remember he's got a discount on those items. He's like a cool older brother, honestly. He lets you hang out in the back of the shop and do homework when you ask, and he gives you snacks at a discount when you're there!

Crewel doesn't really treat you any differently than anyone else. Admittedly though, he's fond of you, even if you're a troublemaker. When you come into his class on your first day in a uniform six times too big for you, he feels pity for you. You didn't ask to be here, and now you have to wear that atrocious old uniform? You poor little pup. He's not exactly easy on you, but he's more understanding of your mistakes. Eventually, after you get to know him better, he offers to get you a nicer uniform and also privately tutor you. This is his excuse for keeping you busy so that you don't have as many chances to get found out, and it's also because you are horrifically failing his class and it looks bad on him.

Trien treats you the most differently out of everyone on staff. The SECOND he found out you were a girl and were being forced to hide that fact for Crowley's sake? Oh my god, grandpa was PISSED. Crowley got an EARFUL after that meeting. This man makes it his mission to make your stay as comfortable as he possibly can make it because sevens know Crowley won't be doing SHIT. After he meets you? Oh my god, you remind him of his own girls when they were little. He absolutely adores you, and everyone can tell. It's so odd to the other students because he clearly favors you, and when they ask you about it you've got no clue. He is your dad here at NRC, as out of character as that might be. You are a young woman lost in a world that is not kind to you going through so much more than you need to. He doesn't want to add more to your plate. You can come to him for anything and he will provide as best as he can.

Vargas (I'm sorry for forgetting about him lol) is a lot like Crewel in the fact that he doesn't treat you too differently from his other students. You're still made to push yourself to your upper limits for gym, still expected to keep up with your peers, and still expected to meet his general expectations. However, if it's way too much for you to do, out of fear of Crowley and Trien breathing down his neck, he'll lessen your load. Otherwise, he doesn't really have much chance to be around you outside of class. He finds you amusing and knows you've got a good head on your shoulders, but that's about it from him.

[freeabortionslol]

don't marry him (quinn hughes x bsf!reader) ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

summary: angst, quinn talks reader out of engagement, unrequited love (kinda), reader is a lawyer, lots of flashbacks, italics mean flashbacks, not a single y/n used (yay!) warnings!! anxiety, panic attacks, cursing, intense argument a/n: okay so I rly didn't know what to do with this bc it honestly felt wrong to have him confess his feelings in this moment LMAO so I think I'm def gonna do a pt 2. anyways this was the fic from my drafts that the people voted for so here it is!! hope u enjoy :)

wc: 4.1k

“You lost.” Quinn said, staring out at the Lake, not making eye contact with you.

“What?” You asked, twirling your flashy engagement ring around your finger. 

Max had come into your life at a time when everything felt uncertain. You were fresh off a series of career setbacks, questioning your worth and your ability to build the future you had always dreamed of. He was steady, charismatic, and above all, ambitious. Qualities you admired and felt you needed to anchor yourself. He made you feel secure in a world that often felt chaotic.

Quinn sighed, turning to face you slightly. “At life. You lost.” He mumbled out, taking a sip of his beer before turning back to the lake. Your face quickly softened with a hint of sadness.

“I-I didn’t lose. I’m happy and successful.” You said, your tone coming off with a hint of anger. 

You and Max met at a work conference, one of those overly formal events where you spent half the time pretending to be interested in panel discussions and the other half networking. Max had approached you during a coffee break, his easy confidence setting him apart from the crowd. His suit was perfectly tailored, his smile sharp but not unkind.

Quinn took one look at you, shifting in his seat slightly. “Y-You…you don’t want this.” Your heart thumped slightly, cracking your knuckles to drown out the sounds of your own thoughts. “I’m scared for you.” 

Max’s love came with conditions. He valued success above all else, and he expected you to do the same. Work always came first, even if it meant skipping family events or cutting vacations short for a meeting. He didn’t understand why you needed to spend time with Quinn, Luke, and Jack.

“Quinn, I love him. You know that.” Your brows furrowed in an attempt to make him understand. 

The engagement came as a surprise, even to you. It was during a charity gala, one of those glittering events Max thrived in. He had pulled you onto the stage during his speech, getting down on one knee in front of hundreds of people. The ring sparkled under the chandeliers, and the applause was deafening. You had said yes because saying no didn’t feel like an option. Not with Max’s expectant smile, the cameras flashing, and the weight of the moment pressing down on you.

“But do you like him?” His words sent a shiver down your spine as you continued to fidget with the ring on your finger. The ring that was far too heavy to be wearing constantly, its band made of gold instead of your preferred silver. His words hung in the air, the weight of them sinking in your chest like a stone tossed in the still waters of the lake. His gaze remained fixed ahead, unwavering.

Max wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t cruel or unkind. But he didn’t see you, not the way Quinn did. He saw your potential, your ambition, but not the person you were when all the noise fell away.

“I-I…I don’t- of course I like him. What are you getting at?” You stuttered, confused about your own feelings on the matter. Quinn glanced at you with a side eye, taking another swig from his bottle before speaking.

“Really?” He asked, his heart shattering at the sight of tears welling in your eyes. “I see the face you make when he talks. It’s blank, unreadable. And when he laughs? Your eyes scrunch up like when we would drag you out of bed to get on the boat.” Quinn lets out an uncomfortable chuckle. “You really want to wake up next to his mustache every morning for the rest of your life?” You roll your eyes, posture slumping.

“Don’t make fun of him.” You warned, your voice becoming stern. Quinn bites the inside of his mouth before turning away. “I’m successful, Quinn.”

“Yeah-yeah, that’s great. You have all the fuckin’ money you could’ve wished for.” He huffs out with a sarcastic smile.

“Don’t do that. Don’t make me sound materialistic-” You crossed your arms, Quinn cutting you off quickly.

“Well it’s kind of hard when all you do is work and work-” His voice raises significantly.

“This is my dream! If you can’t accept the fact that i’m happy-”

“Yeah! And you’re so damn caught up in it that you don’t have time for us anymore!” He yells, sending you a look of anger. One you’d never seen before. He breathes heavily, trying to calm himself down as he moves to the edge of his seat. His eyes soften when he catches your expression, scared. He sighs reluctantly before he speaks again. “Luke notices the way you brush him off when Max is around. He notices how you never fly out to Jersey to see him and Jack like you used to.” Your breath hitched as Quinn’s words pierced through the air. His voice had calmed, but the raw emotion in his eyes cut deeper than his raised tone ever could. You looked away, not able to face the weight of his gaze, and stared at the rippling water instead. The golden light of the setting sun shimmered on the surface, mimicking the perfection you thought you’d built. 

“Luke said that?” You whispered, your voice barely audible. A lump formed in your throat, but you swallowed it down, refusing to let it show. You didn’t want this, not here, not ever. 

“Yeah.” He replied softly. “Jack see’s it too. They miss you.” Quinn turned his head to face you, your gaze still not meeting his. “I miss you.” You turned to glance at him, tears bubbling as you brushed a strand of hair from your face. You continued playing with your ring, biting your lip to hold the cries. 

You sniffled, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. “This is my life. I won.” You croaked out. Quinn sighed, leaning back in his seat as he swirled the beer bottle in his hand.

“When we were kids, my Aunt Julia came over to visit us during christmas. Do you remember that?” He asked quietly, catching you off guard in a moment of vulnerability. You nodded your head, continuing to bite your lip. “She asked all of us- Me, you, Jack, and Luke ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’” Your eyes softened quickly, bringing your knees to your chest. “Do you remember what you said?” He asked, his tone empathetic.

“Yeah, a lawyer-”

“A mother.” He interrupted. The words hit you like a punch to the chest, knocking the air from your lungs. You froze, staring at Quinn as the memories hit like a tidal wave.

“I…I don’t remember that.” Your voice barely above a whisper.

Quinn gave you a sad smile, his eyes softening. “You do. You just don’t want to.” He brought the bottle to his mouth, looking out at the lake again. The two of you sat in the thick silence. Quinn, knowing he was winning this conversation and you, overthinking every little moment from the past two years. Tears began to escape your eyes as you stared out at the lake, refusing to look at Quinn. He turned to you, seeing how hard this conversation was for you. He wanted to pull you into him, let you cry into his shoulder until all the pain went away, but that wasn’t his job anymore. It was Max’s. The pain burned deep into Quinn’s chest as he recalled every memory he shared with you at this house. Jumping off the boat together on hot summer days, neighborhood barbecues where you would wear those short little sundresses he liked so much, your first kiss while playing spin the bottle together, and of course every deep conversation you shared on this back deck, in these exact chairs. When he was thirteen, he was sure of the fact that he would marry you. He never expected to be sitting here, watching you fiddle with an engagement ring that he didn’t buy. 

You blinked, wiping the tears from your face as you decided to face your fear of confrontation. “I-If I don’t work hard now, I won’t have anything left when I'm old and burnt out.” Quinn’s jaw clenched as he processed your words, his gaze fixed on the lake but his mind clearly elsewhere. He tilted his head back slightly, exhaling through his nose like he was trying to suppress his frustration. Your lip trembled, more tears falling by the second as you looked away. 

“H-He um-” You paused, taking a long sigh as you looked over at Quinn. “He says there’s no time for children in our career.” Quinn whipped his head over to you, his expression softening as he got lost in your words. 

“He’s a piece of shit.” Quinn mumbled, shaking his head as he returned his gaze to the lake. 

You licked your lips as you rolled your eyes. “He’s not a piece of shit, okay? He’s a good guy, you just don’t know him.” You said, your tone growing in frustration. Quinn looked over to you, mouth open, brows furrowed as if you’d just said the most unbelievable thing. 

He huffed out a small laugh before returning his eyes to the bottle in his hand. “You’re fuckin’ delusional.” He let out quietly, taking another sip. You whipped your head to him, your frustration quickly bubbling over. 

“Excuse me-”

Quinn was quick to interrupt you, his voice raised slightly. “You heard me. You’re fucking delusional if you think that’s love.” He rolled his eyes, looking back at you. 

You scoffed, licking your bottom row of teeth as you let out an uncomfortable laugh. “You’re an asshole, you know that?” Your expression had become serious, your tears stopping in their tracks. “This is love!” Your voice carefully rose in volume. “I fell in love,” You laughed slightly, letting a slight smile escape your lips out of frustration. “You’re just jealous.” 

Quinn’s face turned bright red as he took in your words. He looked down at his lap, then back to you. He bit the inside of his cheek, letting out an uncomfortable chuckle before speaking. “Jealous?” He asked, brows furrowed. “My god, you're so full of yourself sometimes.” He didn’t mean that and he knew, but you didn’t. You bit your lip, trying to hold back tears as your best friend tore you apart. “You seriously think i’m jealous of him?” He asked, his voice just below a yell.

“No, of me!” Quinn froze, his beer bottle mid air as the words echoed between the two of you. “You’re jealous because I found love and-”

Quinn slammed the bottle on the wooden deck, the sharp sound making you flinch. “Don’t.” He snapped, his voice shaking with anger. “Don’t twist this into me being the bad guy for giving a shit about you.” 

“You don’t give a shit!” You shot back, standing up as your emotions boiled over. “You just can't stand the fact that i’m not following you around like a fucking puppy anymore!” Quinn stood too, his frame towering over you, but his expression wasn’t filled with intimidation. It was filled with raw, unfiltered pain. 

June 23rd, 2012

Dear diary, today was pretty good. In the morning, Jack and Luke jumped on my bed to wake me up which sucked, but when are they not annoying? Anyways, they dragged me down to the lake for a boat day. We went with their dad and their brother Quinn (my future husband). Jack and Luke were doing this wakeboard surfing thingy so I decided to stay close to Quinn. He’s just sooo perfect. His hair is amazing and he smells so good. I wanna be his girlfriend like literally so bad but I can’t tell if he likes me or not. He held my hand when we jumped in the water which was literally the best thing that has EVER happened to me. Anyways, that was the most important thing that happened today.

“What are you reading? You don’t read.” Jack’s piercing voice pulled Quinn straight from focus. He quickly turned around, shutting the book immediately.

“Nothing uh- just something for school.” He stammered out. Jack furrowed his brows, crossing his arms. 

“It’s summer.”

“Yeah, summer reading.” Only it wasn’t summer reading. It was your diary, something personal and private. Quinn was only reading it to find out where you hid the hockey puck you stole, but he stumbled upon a catalog of entries about himself. Do you expect a thirteen year old boy to not read it? 

“Okay well, dinner’s in five minutes.” Jack said before spinning on his heel to exit the room. You liked Quinn, like really liked him and now he knows it.

“You need to think about what you just said.” Quinn said, his voice low. “Think about that and then compare it to every time I talked you through your panic attacks, or every time I picked you up at three in the morning when we were sixteen because you were too drunk to drive home, or every time I offered you a place to stay when your parents were fighting. Then, you can tell me if you think I give a shit or not.” He stared you down, his eyes becoming tense as your bottom lip began to tremble. 

“I didn’t-”

Quinn huffed out his breath, interrupting your speech. “Do you know how hard it’s been to watch you? To see you become someone I don’t even recognize anymore?” His voice became stern, raising in volume. “You don’t smile the same way anymore. You don’t laugh like you used to!” Your breath hitched, the weight of his words suffocating. You looked down at the ring on your finger, the glittering diamond that once felt like a prize but now felt more like a shackle. “You think I don’t care?” His voice was quiet, but the pain in his voice was unmistakable. “I’ve always cared. A-And seeing you like this, wearing that ring, in this life that’s clearly eating you alive? It kills me.” 

You licked your bottom lip, tears spilling down your face as you looked up at him. You swallowed the lump in your throat, letting out a shaky breath as you gathered your thoughts.

“Hey, babe. You almost ready?” You heard Max’s voice shout from the living room as you finished putting your earrings on. 

“Yeah, just a second!” You yelled back, fluffing your freshly blown out hair in the mirror. You took a deep breath as you looked yourself up and down in the dark green bodycon dress that Quinn had gotten you for your 21st birthday. You’d never put it on, but you assumed it was fitting for a work Christmas party. Was it too much? You thought to yourself as you ran your hands down the sides, seeing that the length was about an inch above your fingertips. You decided it was fine and made your way out of the bedroom, purse in hand as you walked to the living room. Max sat on the couch in his tailored Prada suit, a bit pretentious to wear to a work party. His legs were spread wide as he had one hand on his phone, and the other on the back of the couch. He looked up from the screen to glance at you in your dress. You gave him a soft smile, your shoulders tensing up as he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“It’s a bit short, don’t you think?” He asked as he ran a hand through his blonde hair. You looked down at your dress, then back up at him. 

“W-Well, I was thinking that a little. Should I change?” Your voice was shaky, filled with nerves at Max’s disapproval. 

He shook his head, standing from the couch with his hands in his pockets as he made his way to the door. “No, no. We're already gonna be late with how long you took to get ready.”

There were little moments like that that clouded your mind as you stood in front of Quinn. Your breathing was shaky, your face now fully engulfed in hot tears as he stared into your eyes. “You don’t get it.” You let out, your voice just barely above a whisper. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to find stability. To feel…safe.” Your voice cracked on the last word, and you swallowed hard, trying to steady yourself. 

“Safe?” Quinn repeated, his eyes locking with yours. “Is that what this is? Because it doesn’t look like it. You’re not safe. You’re trapped.” He gestured to the ring on your finger, his voice lowering at the depressed sight of you. Your lips parted, but no sound came out. You stared at him, your chest tightening as his words dug into the thoughts you’d been trying so hard to suppress. Quinn softened, stepping closer. “You deserve more than this.” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “And I think, deep down you know that.”

You bit your lip, sniffling your nose before wiping your tears with your sleeve. “I’m in too deep. I can’t get out.” You whispered, finally bringing yourself to the point to admit it. You weren’t happy, you knew that, but you couldn’t tell anyone. Well, you thought you couldn’t until Quinn finally pushed you to the point where there wasn’t another option. 

Quinn let out a sigh mixed with exhaustion and a hint of relief. He sent you an empathetic smile as he absentmindedly grabbed your hand, rubbing his thumb against the back of it. “You can.” He said, his voice quiet. “You’re not alone. I’m here…if you need help. I’m always gonna be here.” Your breath caught in your throat as Quinn’s hand enveloped yours, his warmth cutting through the icy wall you’d built around yourself. His touch was steady, grounding, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a flicker of hope. His words echoed in your head, soft and firm. You stared down at his hand, the calluses on his fingers brushing lightly against your skin as his thumb moved in slow, soothing circles. It felt so familiar, so safe, and the contrast to Max’s cold indifference hit you like a wave. You couldn’t help but let all the emotions running like a swarm through your head push you to the point of breakage. You began to sob, your eyes still looking at your hands intertwined as your breath came out in short, stammered increments. Quinn didn’t waste any time before pulling you into his chest, allowing your sobs to escape into his shirt as he wrapped his arms around your body. He held you tightly, his arms wrapping around you like a shield against everything that had been weighing you down. His chin rested on top of your head as your tears soaked into his shirt, but he didn’t seem to care. His hand rubbed slow circles on your back, grounding you in a way you hadn’t felt in ages. 

“It’s okay,” He murmured softly into your hair. “I’ve got you.” You clung to him, your fists gripping the fabric of his shirt as if letting go would mean losing the only thing tethering you to solid ground. 

The room began to shrink in an instant, reading the text from your mother. “It’s final. Dad and I are separating. You and I are moving to Gran and Pop’s when you get back from the lake house, so I need you to pack up everything.” 

The tears came almost immediately, but that didn’t scare you. It was the feeling you got in your chest, like your heart was radiating pulses all over your body. Pounding over and over again, like the beating was the only thing you could hear. The sound of Quinn shooting pucks only made it worse, like each shot was another banging ache to your head. You tried to slow your breathing, but it felt like the most difficult challenge at that moment. Your breaths were short and hitched, gasping for air at any chance you got. Your hands shook as your phone fell out of them. You were terrified, you didn’t know what was happening. You couldn’t die, you were only sixteen. You still had so much to do in life. You tilted your head up, staring at the ceiling light, but that only made it worse. Quinn noticed when you didn’t say anything about the shot he’d just missed, immediately dropping his stick to run over to you.

“Hey, Hey. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He said frantically as he leaned down to where you were sitting on the floor. You tried to tell him, tried to speak, but your head was stuck looking up, and you felt like you couldn’t move it. Quinn placed his hand on the back of your neck, pulling your head down to face him. Your face was covered in tears, completely red as your mouth parted slightly. “Talk to me.” He said gently. “Please?”

You licked your quivering lips, trying your hardest to breathe. “I-I…I c-can’t. I can’t b-breathe.” His heart dropped at your words, the panic in your voice cutting through him like a knife. His hands moved to gently cradle your face, his thumbs brushing away your tears even as more fell. 

“Okay, okay,” He said softly, his own voice trembling but steadying for your sake. “You’re having a panic attack. You’re not dying, I promise.” You gasped again, your breaths shallow and uneven, your chest tightening with each attempt. “Look at me.” He instructed. “Breathe with me. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” He blew out softly, his eyes locked on yours as he repeated the motion.

You tried to mimic him, but your breath was quickly caught in your throat, sending you a fresh wave of panic. “I c-can’t Quinn, I can’t!” You cried.

“Yes, you can.” He reassured, his hands never leaving your face. “I’ve got you. I’m right here. Just take it slow.” You managed a small, shaky inhale, your body trembling as you followed his lead. “There you go.” He said, his voice laced with a small flicker of relief. “Now, out through your mouth.” Quinn stayed with you, guiding you through each breath as the pounding of the room began to dull. Finally, your breaths came easier, the crushing weight on your chest lifting little by little. You looked at Quinn, your face still wet with tears.

“Thank you.” You whispered, your voice hoarse.

His thumbs still traced circles on your cheeks as he sent you a soft smile. “I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”

You stayed, sobbing into Quinn’s shirt as his grip around you tightened. He listened to your breathing patterns, looking out for a sign of a panic attack. He’d memorized you at this point. He knew the exact time to jump in, and he knew how to calm you down. 

“Quinn, I’m so scared.” You cried out, wrapping your arms around him to pull him closer. 

Quinn moved his hand from your back to your head, running his fingers through your hair. “I know.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.” He leaned back just enough to gently tilt your chin up with his fingers, his blue eyes meeting yours. They were soft, but filled with an intensity that made your heart ache. “You thought you had to want this.” He said, speaking the words you never had the confidence to say. “Doesn’t mean it’s right. It doesn’t mean it’s what you deserve.” You looked up at him, not seeing Quinn Hughes, captain of the Canucks, but your childhood best friend, Quinny, who talked you through every panic attack, walked you home from every party, and gave you a bed through every fight between your parents. That’s what you deserved. Someone willing to give you that much dedication, not some pretentious lawyer who only loves you for your accomplishments. In a moment of determination, after wiping your tears, you dramatically pulled off your engagement ring, slamming it on the railing of the deck. The sound of the ring hitting the wooden railing echoed in the stillness of the night, sharp and final. Quinn’s eyes darted to it, then back to you, his lips parting in surprise. You stood there trembling, not from fear but from the sheer weight of the decision you’d just made. Your chest heaved as the tears continued to fall. This time they weren’t from sadness, they were from release. Quinn hesitated for only a moment before stepping closer, his hand hovering over yours as if to silently ask for permission. When you didn’t pull away, he took your trembling hand in his, holding it like it was the most fragile thing in the world.

“You-” He started, his voice breaking slightly before he cleared his throat. “You did it.”

“I did it.” You whispered, almost in disbelief yourself. You stared at the ring, gleaming under the soft glow of the porch light. It had once symbolized everything you wanted, but now it felt like a chain you’d finally broken free from. 

[grandlinedreams]

|| notes: soft screaming I accidentally posted this one before it was done. Was going to just make this two parts but hey i like pain and pining. Sequel to this

|| warnings: angst, mention of nightmares, I like putting reader Through It, pining

"You're avoiding me."

Azriel watches the way you still, the tension in your shoulders before you turn towards him. You'd been busy with target practice, the soft rhythmic sink of sharp edged blades into the dummy keeping your mind blissfully blank. Until Azriel had approached.

"I'm not avoiding you," you tell him, plucking a rag from your belt and making to polish the dagger in your hand. "I've been busy."

Azriel's eyes narrow. "Rhysand doesn't send you out as often as you've been gone."

You shrug, wiping at already spotless metal. "I'm proactive," you answer as you move to walk away, halted by the black wrap of shadow around your wrist. "What do you want, Azriel?"

"Talk to me," he presses, and your chest aches at the look on his face, the uncertainty that glimmers in his eyes. "Did I do something?"

It would be easy to end things here and now. To confess how you feel, to rip the bandaid off and allow yourself that rejection. But the idea of losing him entirely hurts more, and you swallow hard.

"No, Az. You didn't do anything."

Azriel stares, expression unreadable. And when you try to tug your wrist free of his shadows, Azriel lets you go.

You don't know why you're here.

That's a lie — you do know, because it's the only reason you would ever be standing in front of Azriel's door at this hour. You shift from one foot to the other, sighing softly before looking up as the door opens.

Having been prepared to knock, it takes you a minute to register that he's in front of you, though you don't know why you're surprised. His shadows must have alerted him that you were out here.

"Nightmare?" His voice is low and far from unkind, hazel eyes probing. When you nod, he steps back.

Though your nightmares are nowhere near as frequent as they'd been when you first came to Velaris, they're still often enough that the two of you have found a routine since the first time they'd sent you scrambling for the shadowsinger's room.

Azriel's bed is far wider than your own to accommodate his wings, extended space of soft sheets and blankets that envelop you in his scent. He smells of pine and something murkier but all together familiar, soothing the frayed edge of your nerves.

He joins you once you've settled, tendrils of incorporeal black slinking over your wrists, your cheeks, your hair. Assessing you silently, then reporting their findings back to Azriel.

You wonder what they tell him. That your nightmare had been about him? About losing him, of having to shift your entire existence to his absence? It feels impossible, as intertwined as your life has become with his.

Fingers skim your skin as Azriel reaches for you, and you let him. You close the gap between you, fling one leg over his, feel his hand settle at the back of your head. It's as if nothing has changed between the two of you. "Want to talk about it?"

You study the barely visible curl of ink against his neck, let your eyes drift up to the curl of black hair that frames his face, then back down to his lips. "Not really."

You don't have to look at him to know he's watching you, can feel the weight of his gaze on your face. Probing, just as his shadows did. You wonder what answers he finds there, if he finds any at all.

"What's going on with you?" He asks instead. As if you're a misbehaving child rather than fae. And you know he means well, Mother above, you know — and it still rubs you the wrong way.

"Why do you insist on being like this?" He'd asked in your bathroom, now two weeks ago. Two weeks of skirting around him, trying to distance yourself from that ache, the words on the tip of your tongue.

"Talk to me," Azriel insists. Fingers, gentle despite their scars, graze your cheek. Your heart (wretched, selfish thing) lurches in your chest, off kilter tempo that you've gotten so used to when Azriel is involved.

This was a mistake. To think you could seek his comfort the way you always have, pretend that you aren't as helplessly in love with him as you are — that you haven't watched him look at everyone but you.

That he'll always look at anyone but you.

"I love you." The words slip clean from your mouth, a soft whisper — the way Azriel stiffens says he still heard you. You keep going, digging invisible claws in the festering wound of your chest, ripping it into something fresh and bleeding. "I've been in love with you for the last two hundred and fifty years, Azriel."

It's cathartic in a way, though it's tempered by the way Azriel is simply staring at you. You pull away from him, sliding off the bed before he speaks. "[Name]—"

"It's okay, Az." He doesn't have to say it, because you already know. You move towards the door, pausing just enough to look at him and offer him a soft smile, at odds with the mangled pulp you've made of your heart. "Good night, Azriel."

[i23kazu]

PAPA OF THE MELUSINES

characters. neuvillette x gn!reader genre. domestic romantic fluff. an. this will be ooc... practice will be the way i get to write neuvillette! so please don't comment things like "no he would not say that" because fanfic will be fanfic! neuvillette is 100% the melusines' father. the melusines act like kids okay please let me have this PLEASE. i beg | please reblog!! im getting back into writing and reblogs with tags and comments will make me want to write more :D

neuvillette never thought he would ever hear anyone call him 'papa'. between juggling his life at opera epiclese, as well as his, well, dwindling social life... there really wasn't any time to father anyone, let alone find a partner. it was an archon-blessed miracle that he even managed to find you, amongst fontaine's population. and even then? neuvillette never thought he would ever hear anyone call him 'papa'.

that didn't stop from looking at the five or so (more) melusines clamoring to be on his lap, their paws standing on tiptoes to reach his knees.

"papa! iara always gets to sit first!" the littlest of them all, puca, cried. a steady hand reached down to smoothen her hair out, soothing the distressed girl.

"take turns, iara. you've had your turn this morning," neuvillette offers, his voice not unkind. the melusine in question huffs and hops off papa's lap, stepping behind her sister and watching her get lifted up by neuvillette instead.

"come here, iara," you smile, gently patting your own lap. the young melusine tippytaps her way over, quietly settling for yours instead.

your fingers start to run through iara's hair as you watch the older melusines, lutine and mela, run up to neuvillette and puca – their hands full of decorative supplies. it's become somewhat of a daily habit at this point, you reminisce.

the two start to gently tug on neuvillette's hair, your husband wincing but masking it as well as he could. the first time your girls noticed that he was in pain was something to remember – the both of you spent an hour comforting and soothing the distressed melusines, both of whom couldn't bear to send their beloved father into a fit of pain. neuvillette now chooses carefully which emotions to show to them, even as a father. especially, as a father.

by the time lutine and mela are finished, both melusines are in fits of giggles while admiring their handiwork. a long braid of hair cascades down his back, full of beads and ribbons and colourful hair ties adorning his locks. the girls seem to have attempted to sequence the colours of the hair ties in a rainbow formation, but the blue and yellow seem to have been swapped – intentionally or accidentally, is another thing.

puca leans over neuvillette's shoulder to see the results, and the model of the day smiles as the older girls excitedly describe what they've done – handing him a pocket mirror after.

"you two are getting better at this, day by day." neuvillette gives them a reassuring smile. the beams that return seem to make your living room even brighter.

"thank you, papa!"

yes, neuvillette never thought he would ever hear anyone call him 'papa'. he'd have to get used to it someday.

reblogs w/ tags & comments appreciated !!!

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[the-loststone]

Eloise v Penelope

I think a lot of Eloise's anger about Penelope being Lady Whistledown comes down to it being the very last person she expected. Eloise imagined Lady W being this emancipated woman, living off her own riches, poking fun at society from outside of it. That Lady W didn't have to conform to the normal expectations of women, to marry and have babies and obey their husbands. She says it herself in S1, I think it was episode 2 or 3. But for that reality to not be the case, that Lady W was in fact a member of the ton, and someone who did have to conform, and did have to marry was a real blow to this fantasy.

That, of course and the fact that it was Penelope. Of course, she has resentment that Penelope was her best friend and lied to her, and exposed her secrets, especially after Eloise was honest and truthful in their friendship. However, I think it's a bit deeper than that. The awful truth is, I don't believe Eloise thought Penelope was cleverer than her. That's not to say that Eloise believed Penelope to be dumb, but she thought they were the same. That they both held the same beliefs but that Eloise was better and a bigger advocate for those beliefs. And Eloise doesn't like having to confront the fact that Penelope actually does want what many other women are supposed to want, and that Eloise is somewhat unconventional and alone in her outspoken beliefs. And Penelope doesn't want to disappoint Eloise so she does, in many ways, hide her desires, and tries to agree with Eloise's beliefs about womanhood and feminism.

That Penelope was smart, clever, and even manipulative and jaded is not a welcome surprise for Eloise. That she didn't know her friend -- even though we know that Penelope did not hide so much as she was overlooked -- is a betrayal. Penelope has always been kind, sweet and very much a sidekick to Eloise. To learn that Penelope was her own leading lady is not welcome, especially when she was leading Eloise on a goose chase.

Something in the books really resonates here too. Colin's worry that if Penelope is discovered as Lady W, it would have her cast out of society, while if someone like Cressida were to be recognized as Lady W would have them be applauded. Because Penelope is not popular, so she cannot be clever and gain notoriety through a pen name. Cressida would be able to remain in society even if she were unmasked as Lady W because she is popular, and even though she's probably recognized as a b*tch, she's a b*tch the ton are comfortable with and the one they would applaud as being so clever to get away with it.

I think Eloise believes the same. She would rather it be Cressida, or probably more like Lady Danbury, because she expects it and because it goes with what she believed. But it cannot be the 'frumpy, unpopular, unattractive' girl like Penelope. Because that's a blow to their ego, that they were misled by someone so... unpopular, a 'loser'. That's not to say that Eloise is so unkind she's always thinking her friend is a loser. But she knows, at least subconsciously, that she is more popular (at the very least because of her station and her family, even if she doesn't recognize that her beauty is a factor as well). And while Eloise has different views on marriage and feminism that may be considered radical, she is still in many ways a product of her environment, and does not take kindly to someone she thinks as 'less' socially to hold one over on her. And I don't mean class. Eloise likely would have been pleased too if it was a maid or something because that would be so clever. But Penelope, a member of the ton, who's not even as cool or outspoken as her? Not likely.

I'm not dismissing Eloise's rightful anger at having her secrets aired out (although I do understand Penelope's dilemma and decision - better for the Bridgerton's to suffer a small scandal than to be involved in a fight with the Queen and dragged down completely). But pay attention to what Eloise says. "I do not even know you. I look at you and all I feel is pity for you. Sequestered here in this very room writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town all because you are too scared to stand up for yourself in reality. You are something Penelope, an insipid wallflower indeed."

These words are cutting to the heart of the matter. Penelope is a wallflower, Penelope is unpopular. Penelope could never have accomplished something so clever. All she did was write a little scandal sheet... although it's not little at all, is it?

Let's not forget that before Eloise got in over her head with the Queen, she was obsessed with Lady W because she admired her. Penelope changed Lady W to Eloise's preferences, because she wanted, in some way, to be clever the way Eloise likes people to be clever. Even though it is nothing to scoff at for a woman to be a popular column writer, especially in those days, even if it is for a 'scandal sheet'. But that was one way women had power back in those days, was through what they said, and the rumors that swirled. Penelope has a lot of power through her pen, because she can make and unmake a family. She got rid of Daphne's odious suitor. The women started a rumor, and Penelope wrote about it, and the next day the man had to leave town. Not because of a mere rumor -- because of a PUBLISHED rumor. And while those rumors can fade, as they do, it let Daphne be free to get courted by Simon.

Eloise still hasn't actually confronted her privilege. Theo did tell her, "hey, guess what, you're super privileged and you're putting me in a bad spot." And while she does end up understanding that in the end, breaking things off with Theo, she's still not actually understanding her privilege amongst the ton. Eloise's sister is a duchess, her brother is a viscount. A little rebellion by running around with political radicals will not destroy her. She is still very much a desired connection people would want. Something Penelope knows.

But Penelope herself, as herself, has no power. "too scared to stand up for yourself in reality." And what exactly is Penelope supposed to do? She is not the popular girl with suitors lining up for her. She's not the rich girl who's money can protect her or who's father can protect her. She's a girl with no influence herself. Every time she's tried to help someone as herself, she's been dismissed. When she warned Colin, he dismissed her. When she begged Marina, she dismissed her. When she spoke to her mother, she dismissed her. When she warned Eloise, she dismissed her. So she made herself influential through a pen name.

How can Penelope stand up for herself? She can't without someone like a Bridgerton in her corner. Eloise can insult Cressida in defense of Penelope, but Penelope can't do it herself without feeling actual consequences. But Eloise will never feel any consequence for dismissing Cressida or anyone else, barring someone above her station.

Only a great scandal can destroy Eloise... such as cavorting with a man unchaperoned... and something, again, Penelope warns her about. Of course, Penelope has ulterior motives as well. She doesn't want Eloise to discover her secret. But this is still a big risk that Eloise is taking, which is what Penelope warns her of and is dismissed. Eloise not only risks herself but her family's reputation there too. And while, again, the scandal may not last long, especially not for her brothers, it will affect Eloise as being, the dreaded term... 'spoiled goods'.

And that can feel like a double standard. I mean, Penelope is alone with Colin... then again, Penelope doesn't exactly have a reputation to protect. No one would believe her to be a seductress when they spend so much time dismissing her. And no one would consider Colin to be interested in her since, once again, she's not on their radar. Eloise's privilege is a double edged sword, though she benefits from it more than she doesn't.

It's not fair. But it is a reality. And I think it's a disservice to women of the time not to show how they are punished for standing out. Eloise is loud and brash and suffers little to no consequences for it. If that were actually the case, a girl is often sent to a mad house or married off quickly or some other way to silence her and stifle her. But Eloise has brothers who love her and will protect her. This is a privilege. The first time she feels any censure is through Lady W's pamphlet, but again, it is something that can be brushed aside with her family's protection, though it had the unfortunate timing of coinciding with a broken engagement.

I don't really think the blame is only on one party. Penelope also made a lot of mistakes. That's not to say I think that Penelope owed it to Eloise to reveal that she's Lady W, or reveal her secret to the queen to spare Eloise. Eloise started that battle despite Penelope's warnings and got in the cross hairs of the queen for it. Penelope shouldn't have to sacrifice herself. Also Penelope sharing Lady W with Eloise is taking away something that belongs to her. Eloise would, I think, seriously try to take over the narrative of Lady W if she knew. Already Penelope feels pressured to change Lady W for Eloise's admiration, so I do think that if Eloise knew who Penelope was before hand, Penelope would lose it to her completely, and it would have turned completely into Eloise's pamphlet (which honestly would have led to more problems because Eloise would forgo subtle criticism and instead loudly criticize societal norms). Eloise is overwhelming, and Penelope is a pushover, especially when it comes to her friend who she doesn't want to lose.

But there were better ways she could have gone about it. She could have warned Violet that Colin and Marina were planning on eloping and told her to push for a long engagement instead. She could have told Violet that Eloise had gotten into trouble with the Queen. I mean, I think those are her only options really. Neither would have spared her mother from being furious with her or Eloise thinking she betrayed her by telling Violet... but it would have been minimal damage in comparison. Then again, there is the big risk that it wouldn't work because, as I said, Penelope is regularly dismissed.

In the end, yes, Penelope was a bad friend. And she's not a particularly helpful or good daughter/ sister / cousin. Then again, her family hasn't been very kind to her either and Eloise has overlooked her as well. Is Eloise the biggest victim? No. That would be Marina, who, I would argue, ended in a better situation than if she had married Colin. Did Penelope have a duty to fix her mistakes and repair the reputations of people she ruined? I don't think so. It would have been nice but... people have to be able to recover on their own, and a lot of things can only really be fixed with time or a new scandal. The worst harm she did was to herself and her family. She feels the consequences of her actions too. Is Eloise a victim? Yes, but better the victim of a scandal sheet than the victim of the Queen. Does Penelope need redemption? No. I don't think so. Penelope is complex and already experiences the pain of what she does and the consequences of all her actions. She knows what she puts other people through as well.

Anyway, thank you for reading to the end of my rant. I probably contradicted myself somewhere in there but... oh well. Just my thoughts.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

I really don't think it's true that abusers always know they're abusive or that if you're worried you're being abusive, that automatically means you're not.

There are patterns of harm we can fall into without really realizing what's going on. We live in an abuse culture that justifies and even celebrates certain kinds of abuse and makes them seem normal.

Maybe when you're trying to protect yourself from harm you set your boundaries so far out from your own autonomy zone that you're infringing on someone else's. Maybe you think you're being fair because you aren't thinking about what it's like for the other person, you're too focused on staying/getting in your own comfort zone.

Maybe you're so used to dysfunctional interactions that every conversation is a power struggle, and you don't even realize that when you're "winning" all the time you're grinding someone else down—you're too busy being relieved that you're not "losing" all the time anymore like you did in the past with someone else.

Maybe you think you're being "funny" and it's "banter" to constantly tear down someone in your life. Maybe you assume they're having fun with it too and that this is how you act friendly towards someone.

Maybe you believe lies about what rape is or what abuse is. Maybe you grew up being told men always want sex and you don't even realize when you're pressuring him into it that he genuinely doesn't want it and it's not a game. Maybe you believed the lies that women say no to seem modest but if she "gives in" that's how you know for sure she wants it. Maybe you thought physical arousal was the same as consent.

Maybe you thought being mean when you're in a bad mood wasn't abuse as long as you don't hit. Maybe you grew up in an environment where any conflict meant you had to hurt the other person as much as possible emotionally in order to "win".

Maybe you're a parent who learned that spanking or scaring your kids is how you keep them in line, which seems necessary to protect them. Maybe you don't realize how cutting some of the things you say are, or how thoughtless or unkind you're being. Maybe you never learned gentleness before you had kids, or don't understand what's age appropriate.

When you're an abuser or a rapist who didn't realize at the time how much harm you were doing, it can cause serious cognitive dissonance to realize the impact of your actions. It's easy to get defensive and decide that since you don't think of yourself that way, there's no way you could possibly be an abuser or a rapist.

It's easy to say that if you don't want to be an abuser, you're not. But it's not always true.

It is absolutely vital that everyone learns how to interact in safe and respectful ways. We're all responsible for figuring out how to not harm other people.

Believing that it's impossible you're harming other people can make you MORE likely to harm them, because you're not checking yourself to make sure that you're not.