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ohmyamor · 2 years ago

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oh my ***

Pairing: ateez (ot8) x reader

Summary: Everyone supposedly has a guardian angel, one that’s tasked to always keep their human out of trouble and on the right path of life. But you don’t just have one, you have...eight?!

w.c. 10.2k

Warnings: fluff, angst, near death experiences, threatening someone wooyoung with a bat, cursing, comfort, reincarnation, i think that’s it?

You wouldn’t necessarily consider yourself a lucky person.

You also wouldn’t really consider yourself an unlucky person either.

You just kind of exist, with the occasional good and not-so-good things happening to you.

Like when you somehow managed to score you and your friends front row seats to see your favorite group in concert. Or the time that you somehow managed to break your ankle and your phone all in the same day.

So, yeah, you wouldn’t say you’re the luckiest person in the world, but you’re also not the unluckiest person, so you’re pretty fine with continuing your life as is.

Today, however, has been going oddly perfect.

You woke up for the first time in forever feeling incredibly well-rested, which has not happened since before you hit puberty. The weather was perfect, maybe a little too perfect, but you didn’t care. You could finally open your windows completely to let in the cool breeze from outside, listening as the birds sang outside of your apartment.

Checking your phone, you also noticed that your paycheck came in a whole day early. Opening your bank account, you stared wide-eyed at the number that was deposited. It was certainly a much larger amount than your last paycheck.

Feeling absolutely ecstatic over how well the morning was going, you decided to make a trip to your favorite coffee shop and treat yourself to some breakfast.

Connecting your phone to your speaker, you selected your favorite playlist and allowed the music to flow through the apartment. Picking out some cute clothes, you began to get ready. As you finished washing your face, you also noticed that your skin seemed to be really nice today, with hardly any redness seeping through and the dark circles under you eyes had seemed to disappear over night.

Smiling brightly at yourself in the mirror, you finished applying your skincare before moving to get dressed and apply some light makeup. Once you finished, you couldn’t help but check yourself out in the mirror.

I look so cute today.

Giving yourself a wink, you let out a small laugh at your own antics before grabbing your purse from where it hung on the wall and stepping outside. Making sure the door was locked, you began the short walk to your favorite cafe.

You couldn’t help but admire how nice the sun felt on your skin. For the past few weeks, the weather had been anything but nice, and it almost felt like the weather had been reflecting your mood. With the project you had been assigned at work, you had been feeling so overwhelmed and stressed out that you often contemplated just quitting in order to get rid of the stress.

But thankfully, the project was finally done, you had received great feedback from your boss, and it finally seemed as though your little slump was beginning to improve.

Making your way inside the cafe, you walked up to the counter and ordered your usual drink as well as a small pastry.

A little treat for myself.

Sitting down at a table that had the best view of the street, you made yourself comfortable with your drink as you waited for your pastry. Though, you were pleasantly surprised when the man who took your order came out with two pastries instead of one.

“Um, I think you might’ve given me the wrong pastry,” you frowned slightly. “I only ordered this one,” you pointed at the pastry that you know for sure you had ordered.

“Oh!” the man smiled brightly. “No, don’t worry, it’s on the house!”

Before you could even respond, the man gently placed both pastries on your table, sending you a small wink and making his way back behind the counter.

You could feel your cheeks warm slightly at the man’s actions.

Damn, today really is a great day you thought, bringing the pastry up to your mouth and taking a bite out of it.

Holy shit this is so good too you hummed appreciatively.

After thoroughly enjoying your breakfast, you bid goodbye to the barista before making your way out of the store.

Hmmmm, what should I do now?

Glancing around, you remembered that one of your favorite bookstores was about a block away, and quickly made up your mind to go there.

Walking to the nearest stoplight, you pushed the button on the pole and waited patiently for the light to turn green. Fishing out your phone from your bag, you scrolled aimlessly through social media and responding to some texts your friends had sent. Glancing up, you noticed the light was now green.

Placing your phone in your pocket, you began to cross the street.

You were almost at the other side of the crosswalk when a loud screeching noise caused you to whip your head to the side. There was a car moving down the street in your direction incredibly fast, and you watched as people on the sidewalks jumped out of the way as the car swerved from side to side and hit things on the street.

Your heart raced you watched the car come barreling towards you. It felt like your feet were stuck to the ground and you couldn’t find it in yourself to move.

Right as the car came feet away from hitting you, you shut your eyes, bracing for the impact of the car hitting your body.

You barely registered the feeling of someone grabbing your hand and yanking you forward.

Landing roughly on your hands and knees on the sidewalk, you stared at the cement in front of you as the sound of the car slowly disappeared in the distance. There were people running up to you from both sides of the street, some yelling while others gently crouched next to you and asked if you were okay.

The strangers helped turn you around and you sat on the sidewalk unable to calm your racing heart.

“Th-thank you,” you breathed out, looking at the woman who was closest to you.

Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at you concerned.

“For what?”

You swallowed.

“For grabbing me and pulling me forward. I couldn’t move and I though for sure the car was going to hit me,” you explained.

It was your turn to look confused when she opened her mouth.

“Honey, there was no one around you. I certainly wasn’t going to reach you on time and neither was anyone else.”

After the lady explained to you that the other pedestrians on the street had just barely reached you after you were already on the sidewalk, you couldn’t shake the feeling of someone’s eyes on you.

The strangers who had come up to check on you were incredibly nice, and after convincing them to not call an ambulance and that you could stand on your own, the crowd slowly dispersed.

The woman who had helped you insisted on calling a cab for you, even though you reassured her that you didn’t live far and you could make it home safely. She was adamant, saying that she wouldn’t let you walk home alone after what just happened and said it would weigh heavy on her conscious if she did.

Eventually, you relented, and waited with her patiently as she called a taxi.

When the cab eventually pulled up, she gave you a hug and said that she was happy you were okay and to get home safely.

Waving goodbye through the window, you watched as her figure slowly grew smaller.

Leaning back against the leather seats, you finally allowed yourself to process what had just happened.

Your day had been going so well and that car had quite literally come out of nowhere. Even though the lady who helped you said there was no one near you, you were 100% positive you had felt someone grab your hands and pull you forward onto the sidewalk.

Your mind wandered to your parents and the stories they had told you when you were younger of guardian angels.

“Guardian angels? What’s that?” seven-year-old you has asked your mom.

She smiled, softly running her hand through your hair from where she sat on the edge of your bed.

“They’re people who are assigned to watch over you and always protect you. They help you when you’re in trouble and make sure you always make good decisions.”

Younger you wrinkled her nose.

“They’re always watching me? That sounds creepy.”

Your mom laughed, tossing her head back.

After what you had experienced today, maybe the stories your mom used to tell you weren’t that crazy.

As the cab you were in slowly came to a stop in front of your building, you thanked the driver and rummaged through your bag looking for some cash to tip him.

He waved his hand at you, telling you the lady who had flagged him down already paid and there was no need to tip.

“I’m just glad I could get you home safely.”

“Oh,” you blinked, kind of surprised he was saying no to being tipped. “Well, thank you, sir.” You said honestly. “I hope you have a great rest of your day,” you said, stepping out of the car.

The driver bid you farewell and drove away from your building as soon as you walked through the front gates.

Sighing heavily, you made your way to the elevator in the building and walked into the old machine, watching as the doors closed and the numbers for the floors slowly climbed up.

Honestly, you couldn’t wait to into your bed and knock out. Way too much has happened today that was out of your comfort zone, to say the least.

Eventually, you reached your front door and reached into your bag to fish out your keys.

Searching inside your bag with your hand, your eyebrows furrowed when you didn’t feel the familiar metal of your keys.

I know I brought them with me, so where are they?

Taking your bag off your shoulder, you opened it up and began pulling out everything you had in there. You could feel the pit in your stomach get heavier with every item that was removed and no keys were found.

You eventually emptied out your entire bag and still, you were unable to find your keys. Leaning your back against your door, you slowly allowed yourself to sink to the ground.

They must’ve fallen out when I fell, you though bitterly. You could feel the familiar sting of tears in your eyes and you felt a lump in your throat.

This was the last thing you needed today.

You’re unsure how long you sat outside your apartment door, wallowing in your own misery.

The sound of footsteps brought you of your thoughts.

Glancing up, you noticed a tall man with short pink hair come to a stop in front of you.

“Is everything okay miss?”

Holy shit he has a deep voice

You sighed loudly.

“Not really,” you admit. “I lost my keys at some point when I was out today and my friend who has my spare is out of town for the week.”

You’re not really sure what compelled you to tell all this to the strange man who you’ve never even seen in your apartment, but something about him gives off a very peaceful aura.

You feel like you could tell him anything.

The man furrows his eyebrows and a soft pout forms on his face.

“Aw, I’m really sorry,” he sympathized.

You shrugged, there wasn’t really anything he could do to help.

He glanced around nervously. Why? You’re not quite sure.

“I’m, uh, actually one of the maintenance people and we’re here doing some routine check-ups,” he started.

Check-ups? The building manager didn’t notify me of anything going on this week.

“If you want,” the man continues. “I can go back down to the leasing office and grab the master key to unlock your door for you?”

You hesitate.

On one hand, this man is literally offering to go out of his way to help you out and unlock your door for you.

On the other hand, you have absolutely no way of proving he’s actually who he says he is. He could be a serial killer for all you know and you’ve basically just given him access to unlock your apartment and kill you in your sleep.

Giving him a once over, you notice the bluish jumpsuit he’s wearing and the work boots he has on. Quite frankly, he does look like he’s been doing some manual labor, so maybe he’s telling the truth.

“Okay,” you finally reply, albeit hesitantly.

Honestly, if he does turn out to be a serial killer and comes back to murder you in your sleep, you’ll make sure to haunt him for the rest of his life.

“Great!” he smiles widely, his eyes turning into the cutest crescent moons you’ve ever seen.

At least he’ll be a cute serial killer, you think.

“Oh!” he says, as though he just remembered something. “Also, my name’s Mingi! It’s really nice to meet you!” the man, Mingi, reaches his hand out.

Pushing yourself off the floor, you quickly dust yourself off before reaching out as well to shake his hand.

“I’m (Y/n),” you introduce yourself.

Mingi hums.

“That’s a really pretty name.”

You can feel your cheeks get warm.

“O-oh, thank you.”

It’s quiet for a few moments before Mingi speaks again.

“Okay, well I’m gonna go downstairs to get the masterkey really quick. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone!” he jokes, beginning to walk back down the hallway.

“I’ll try,” you laugh nervously, thinking about the day you’ve had.

If anything else goes wrong today, you don’t think you’ll have the willpower to keep living.

You’re only waiting for a few minutes before you can spot Mingi coming back down the hall.

Damn he’s quick.

“Got it!” Mingi says cheerfully, waving a small key in the air.

You smile back, feeling relieved that you can finally get inside your apartment.

He stops in front of your door, pushing the key inside the lock and wriggling it around a few times before you can hear the familiar click of the lock. Letting out a small “aha”, Mingi twists the doorknob and sure enough, the door to your apartment opens.

You might actually cry tears of happiness.

“Ma’am,” Mingi says in a fake posh accent, gesturing with his hand for you to go inside.

You let out a small laugh and walk inside. Mingi remains outside of your door.

“Well, thank you so much Mingi,” you say earnestly. “I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t showed up at the right time. My knight in shining armor,” you joke.

Mingi blushes furiously, bringing up a hand to rub the back of his head and looking off to the side.

“It’s nothing,” he says. “I’m just glad everything worked out.”

You nod, unsure of what to say next.

Mingi’s head suddenly snaps to the side, looking at something down the hallway, almost as if he heard something. You frown. You didn’t hear anything.

“Well, it looks like I have to get going,” he begins.

You nod.

“Better get back before the big boss gets mad at you for slacking off, huh?”

You say it as a joke, but Mingi only lets out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Um,” you’re not quite sure what to say. “Okay, well thanks again Mingi, I really do appreciate it.” You slowly begin to shut the door.

“Anytime,” he sends you a small wave and bright smile, turning to walk down the hallway as you finally shut the door.

You don’t spend too much time thinking about Mingi’s strange behavior at the end, chalking it up to him having a really strict boss. Plus, you honestly can’t wait to change into your pajamas and knock out.

Dropping your purse on your couch, you make your way to your room and quickly change into your pj’s before flinging yourself onto your bed.

You hug the stuffed bear on your bed closely, feeling the tension and stress from your body slowly begin to fade away as your body succumbs to sleep.

You’re not sure what time it is when you wake up.

The lack of light coming in from outside lets you know that it’s dark, leaving you to assume it’s either really late or really early.

You roll back over, fully intending on returning to dreamland when the sound of hushed arguing catches your attention.

You groan, assuming it’s your neighbors who are always going at it. Seriously, if they argue this much, they should just break up. Arguing that much can’t be healthy for anyone.

You’ve just grabbed onto your pillow, intending on using it to block out the voices, when you suddenly realize that it’s only male voices you can hear. Sitting up, you strain your ears to try and catch more of what they’re saying.

You feel yourself freeze when you realize that the voices are coming from your living room.

You sit frozen on your bed for a few minutes, unsure of what to do.

Did these people break into your apartment? What are they doing here? What are they going to do to you?

Reaching out blindly, you attempt to locate your phone, hoping you can at least call the police before the robbers can reach you. Pressing the power button, your heart drops when it doesn’t turn on. In your excitement to knock out, you never put it to charge and now it’s dead.

Taking a deep breath, you try to think of a course of action.

Slowly getting out of bed, you reach under the bed to grab the metal bat that you keep in case of emergencies. Maybe, if the robbers don’t have any weapons, you can either scare them off or hurt them enough to grab the home phone sitting on your kitchen counter and call the police.

You cautiously make your way to the door of your bedroom, letting out a shaky breath before slowly twisting the doorknob. You gently push the door open, thanking whatever gods are out there that it doesn’t make any noise.

Now that the door is open, you can hear the voices more clearly.

“Why would you show yourself to her?”

“What did you want me to do? She was having the worst day, I wasn’t gonna sit back and watch her suffer.” The voice sounds oddly familiar.

Someone else hums.

“Don’t even say anything,” the original voice whispers angrily. “You should have never interfered earlier.”

“She was about to get hit by a car, hyung! What did you want me to do, let it happen? Then we would be back to square one all over again.”

It’s a different voice this time, slightly higher in pitch.

They’re talking about what happened to you earlier.

Who the fuck are these people?

You arrive at the corner of the hallway, gripping your bat impossibly tight and peeking around the corner.

From what you can see, there’s a few men standing in your living room. One with dark blue hair sits on your couch facing the kitchen, another stands with his back to the hallway where you stand, and there seems to be someone standing in front of him.

You can’t help but let out a small gasp when you realize the man standing with his back facing you has short pink hair.

Mingi.

All three men whip their heads around.

They stare at you wide-eyed, including Mingi.

You come out from behind the corner and point your bat at the men.

“Who the fuck are you?” you demand. “And why the fuck are you in my apartment?”

Your eyes dart around, trying to keep an eye on every person in the room. Your heart pounds in your chest and your hands are sweaty, but you’ll be damned if you go out without a fight.

Mingi takes a step forward, his hands raised slightly.

“(Y/n),” he starts.

He stops when you take a step backward.

“Mingi, if that’s even your goddam name,” you spit. You miss the way all three men flinch slightly. “What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?”

“Was helping me earlier just a plot to figure out where I live? Are you gonna kill me?” you question.

A crestfallen look falls on Mingi’s face. A small part of you almost wants to feel bad. Almost.

“No, not at all,” he defends. “Look, it’s kind of complicated, but I can explain. I just need you to put the bat down.” His eyes dart to the metal bat you have a death grip on.

You let out a harsh laugh.

“No fucking way. I don’t care who the hell you are, I need you and your friends to get out right now before I call the cops.” You demand.

“The cops aren’t going to help you sweetheart,” a voice comes from behind you.

You let out a scream, turning around and blindly swinging your bat. It hits something hard.

“OW!”

A man with long hair that’s black and silver hunches over in front of you, clutching his stomach. You stare wide-eyed.

There’s more of them.

And where the fuck are they coming from?

“(Y/n),” someone else says your name. You whip back around, moving backward towards the wall and making sure the men don’t leave your sight. You keep the bat pointed at them.

The man with dark blue hair siting on the couch is standing now, and he looks at you with wide eyes as well.

“Please, just put the bat down and we can explain everything to you.”

You shake your head vehemently.

“You guys broke into my fucking apartment and you want me to calm down?” You laugh incredulously. “Are you guys fucking insane?”

You miss the way the shorter male standing next to Mingi has disappeared.

Mingi frowns, looking genuinely saddened.

“I’m really sorry we have to do this.”

You furrow your eyebrows, now genuinely concerned he’s going to murder you.

“What are you-”

You don’t get to finish your sentence when you feel fingers touch your temple and you black out.

“What did you do?”

“What we had to! She already managed to hit Wooyoung and she was obviously freaking out so we had to calm her down!”

Someone snickers.

“Shut up Yeosang.”

“C’mon, you’re telling me it’s a bat that took you out?”

“She has a good swing! You should try getting a metal bat swung directly at your stomach and see how you feel.”

You let out a soft groan at the voices that surround you. They’re too loud.

You’re laying on something soft and it feels familiar as well.

Am I dead?

“You’re not dead.”

Your eyes shoot open.

Sitting up, you groan at the light that shines harshly into your room and shut your eyes. Opening them softly, you glance around. You’re definitely in your room, which is a relief.

But the eight bodies that surround you bring anything but relief.

You tense up, your hands gripping at the sheets.

You can feel tears beginning to blur your vision and you can hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Please don’t hurt me,” you whimper.

Someone lets out a sad noise.

“We’re not going to hurt you,” a deep voice comes from your right side.

You look over to see who said that. Familiar brown eyes stare deeply into your own, and the soft pink hair instantly allows you to recognize who just spoke.

“How can I trust you Mingi?”

A heartbroken expression falls over his face and he looks unsure of what to say.

“He’s right sweetheart,” another voice speaks up. “We’re not going to hurt you.” This time it’s another tall man who speaks. He has peach colored hair. His eyes bore into yours, and you feel slightly unnerved at the raw honesty that comes across.

You don’t say anything, opting to take a glance at all the men who are spread across your room.

A shorter man who stands closest to your bed sighs and takes a step forward.

“This isn’t how we wanted to meet, so please accept our deepest apologies for scaring you,” the man begins.

“We’re your guardian angels.”

The man, Hongjoong, had explained to you that they were in fact your guardian angels.

Typically, humans only had one guardian angel, he had explained, but you were assigned eight.

Guardian angels were also never, under any circumstances, to reveal themselves to their humans, but some people, Hongjoong glared at the man sitting at your desk with dark blue hair as well as Mingi, had broken these rules.

Which is why you were currently able to see all of them.

“How do I even know you’re telling me the truth?” You questioned. This entire situation was absolutely insane and you could barely wrap your head around any of the information that was just given to you.

“Well, we’ve been watching over you your whole life,” the blue haired male spoke up. “Ask us anything that no one else knows and we can answer it.”

You stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about different things throughout your life that no one knew about you.

“When I was in middle school and I asked out that boy a year ahead of me, what did he say?”

There’s no way they could know the answer to this. This is literally something I’ve never told anyone and I intend on taking it with me to my grave.

“He said no because you reminded him of his mom and that grossed him out.”

You stare wide-eyed at the man with medium length blonde hair that sat in the middle of your floor.

What the fuck?

“Don’t worry, you honestly dodged a bullet with that one,” another male with cherry red hair shook his head. “You know that guy ended up marrying his first cousin?” The man snorted.

You had no words.

You had never told anyone that secret because it embarrassed you so much, but clearly, the men in front of you knew it.

Maybe they’re telling the truth.

“Of course we’re telling the truth, we’re angels.”

The man with two-toned hair speaks up.

You narrow your eyes at him.

“Did you just read my thoughts?”

He shrugs.

“They’re very loud.”

You stare at him.

“Do you want me to hit you with my bat again?”

The man shudders.

“Please, don’t.”

Another voice speaks up.

“You’re taking this surprisingly well,” the man with peach hair pipes in.

You shrug.

“I don’t really have any reason to doubt you, I guess.” You hesitate before saying your next words. “Plus, I don’t know what it is, but you guys have this vibe,” you gesture your hand vaguely.

“It feels...safe?” You shrug, looking down at the spare thread you’ve been messing with since you woke up. “I felt it when I met Mingi earlier, but I didn’t know what to think about it.”

You miss the way Mingi’s ears turn red.

An awkward silence falls across the room.

“Well,” another man, the one who stands next to Hongjoong, begins to speak. “Now that that’s done, we should introduce ourselves. I’m Seonghwa,” he sends you a beautiful smile.

“I’m Hongjoong, as you already know,” Hongjoong says and you nod.

“My name’s Yunho,” the man with peach hair speaks up.

“I’m San,” the man with dark blue hair pipes up, sending you a bright, dimpled smile. You can’t help but send him a small smile back.

“I’m Yeosang,” the blonde one on your floor gives you a small nod of acknowledgement.

“I’m Wooyoung!” Two-toned hair chirps loudly. You can’t help but side-eye him slightly. “What?” he cries.

“Please don’t sneak up on me if you don’t want me to hit you again,” you warn.

A few snickers sound throughout the room.

“I’m Jongho,” the one with cherry hair tells you.

Your eyes land on the last man who sits closest to you.

“I’m Mingi,” he says. “But, you already know that.”

You nod. He still seems a little bit sad.

You hesitate, but reach out to softly grab his hand that rests on your bed.

“Thank you for your help earlier,” you start. “And I’m sorry I didn’t believe you at first.”

You glance around the room.

“But, you guys have to understand that this whole situation is kind of crazy.”

Seonghwa nods.

“We understand, and we’re sorry for scaring you so much.” He nods his head toward Mingi and San. “But those two broke one of the most important rules that guardian angels must follow.”

You nod, understanding what Seonghwa’s saying.

“Wait,” your eyebrows furrow. “I know Mingi broke the rule when he helped me get back inside my apartment, but what did San do?”

You look at him as he crosses his arms and pouts, reminding you of a scolded child.

“He’s the one that pulled you out of the street yesterday before the car could hit you,” Wooyoung explains.

Your eyes widen and you sit up even further.

“So I was right!” you exclaim.

Mingi raises a brow.

“I knew I felt someone grab my hands and pull me forward, but the lady who helped me said there was no one there!” You pout slightly. “I thought I was going crazy for a second.”

You look over at San.

“Thank you for saving my life,” you tell him sincerely.

San throws his hands up in the air.

“See? At least she’s grateful for what I did!”

Yeosang rolls his eyes.

“Of course she is, you idiot, she would’ve been dead if you hadn’t.”

This time, you don’t miss the way they all seem to wince at Yeosang’s words.

You frown.

“Yeah, actually,” you begin. “If you guys are my guardian angels, how come I almost died yesterday?” You look at them expectantly. “Isn’t the whole point of you guys being here to like, keep me alive?”

They avoid your eyes.

“We were a little...preoccupied,” Hongjoong admits.

You click your tongue.

“Well, at least San was there for me.”

You send a grateful smile to him, which he returns with slightly red cheeks.

“Hey!” Mingi whines. “I helped you too!”

You roll your eyes.

“Yes you did, you big baby, but San literally saved my life,” you emphasize.

“And I didn’t?” Mingi asks, offended. “What if I never showed up? You would’ve had to sleep on the streets and who knows what would’ve happened then?”

“Oh my god,” you groan, throwing yourself back on your bed.

“I didn’t know angels were this dramatic!”

Jongho lets out a laugh.

“The most,” he admits.

The sound of your stomach rumbling has a warm flush spreading across your cheeks.

“You haven’t eaten?” Yunho furrows his eyebrows.

“Mmmm, not since breakfast yesterday, I think,” you admit.

Wooyoung jumps out of his chair.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll make you the best meal you’ve ever had,” he sends you a small wink before heading out of your room towards the kitchen.

“He’s not going to burn my apartment down right?” You ask worriedly.

Hongjoong shakes his head.

“No, Wooyoung’s actually a really good cook,” he reassures you.

“Plus,” San says. “You have seven angels here to protect you if anything!”

You’re not sure if that makes you feel any better.

As it turns out, Hongjoong was right, and Wooyoung is an excellent cook. In a span of 20 minutes, he’s managed to make you an omelet that looks like it came straight out of a Studio Ghibli movie, along with some oatmeal, fresh fruit, and what looks like freshly squeezed orange juice.

“Wow,” you gape at the food.

Wooyoung motions for you to sit at the table.

“It was meant for you to eat, not just stare at.”

You happily oblige, sitting down at the table and bringing up the fork to your mouth, only to pause when you realize no one else has food.

“We don’t have to eat,” Seonghwa explains, reading your mind. “We can if we want to, but it’s not necessary for us to survive.”

You nod, feeling a little less guilty about eating in front of them.

Letting out a satisfied hum at the taste of the food, you send Wooyoung a thumbs-up. He smiles brightly.

“So,” you start, swallowing your food and taking a quick sip of your juice. “Now that I’ve met you guys and I know you exist, are you going to go back to being invisible to me?”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa share a look.

“Not exactly,” Hongjoong says.

You raise an eyebrow, motioning for him to continue.

“Now that you know we exist, we can’t exactly just disappear,” he elaborates. “It’s one of the reasons guardian angels aren’t meant to reveal themselves to their humans.”

You nod slowly.

“So, humans just never find out they have a guardian angel? Like, ever?”

Jongho mutters something under his breath. Yunho kicks his leg under the table.

“Sorry, what was that?” You ask, looking at him.

He avoids your gaze.

A tense silence falls over the table.

You notice how Mingi shakes his leg anxiously. San taps his fingers on the table and Yunho avoids your gaze.

You narrow your eyes at them.

“There’s something you guys aren’t telling me.” It’s not a question.

“I don’t think now is the best time to talk about this-” Hongjoong starts.

“Humans only find out about their guardian angels when their time is near,” Wooyoung says calmly.

Hongjoong glares at him. Wooyoung only shrugs.

“What? She was bound to find out eventually.”

“Their time?” You look around at the men that sit at your table. “Like, when they’re about to die?”

Yeosang nods.

You let out a small “oh”, looking down at the unfinished food that stares at you.

It’s silent as you think about the information they’ve just given you.

“The car,” you swallow. “The car that almost hit me yesterday. Was it,” you almost can’t get the words out. “Was it supposed to hit me?”

Your question comes out in a whisper.

No one responds, but when you look up, they all fix you with a sad look.

You nod.

“Okay.”

You push your plate away from you.

You don’t have an appetite anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Mingi whispers from your left side.

His large hand gently encompasses yours. You nod, refusing to look him in the eyes.

“But we’re not going to let you die.”

You look up at San’s determined voice, barely able to see him through your misty eyes.

“What?”

“We’re not letting you die,” he says firmly. “It’s not your time.”

You shake your head.

“I’m pretty sure if the universe decides it’s my time, then it’s my time,” you reply. You’re not sure if you’re saying it to convince them, or yourself.

“I can’t just avoid fate.”

Hongjoong sighs.

“San’s right.”

You send him a questioning look.

“We’re your guardian angels. We’re not going to let you die.”

“Screw what the universe says,” Yeosang chimes in.

You stare at them incredulously.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Look,” Yunho starts. “We’ve been thinking about it, and we’re pretty sure the universe is wrong about it being your time. We’ve been around for centuries, usually we have a good sense of when it’s going to be someone’s time and when it’s not.”

“And we don’t get that feeling with you,” Jongho continues for him. “We never have.”

“So, we’re going to do our best to make sure you stay out of harms way,” Yeosang finishes.

Your throat feels constricted and you can barely see through all the tears that have welled up in your eyes.

“You guys would do all that for me?” You choke out.

Mingi squeezes your hand.

“Of course. We’re not your guardian angels for nothing.”

You sniffle, looking down at your lap and bringing up your other hand to wipe at your eyes.

“Thank you guys,” you tell them sincerely.

“Anything for you,” Seonghwa smiles softly.

After the conversation at breakfast, the nine of you come up with a vague plan Wooyoung affectionally dubbed “Keeping Our Human Alive”. Despite the look you had given him, you had to admit, it made you laugh.

You all agreed it would be best for at least one of them to accompany you every day, more if any of them felt like tagging along.

“That way,” Hongjoong explained, “if anything unexpected happens, at least one of us will be able to protect you.”

You agreed.

“What about when I go to work and stuff?” You had questioned. “Won’t it be weird if there’s a different guy following me around every day?”

Yunho shook his head.

“Just because you can see us doesn’t mean everyone else can see us too. We can make ourselves visible to other people besides our assigned human if we want,” he explained.

“Oh, okay. Well, that certainly makes this easier then.”

“What would you prefer for us to do?” Questioned San. “Do you want us to remain invisible all the time or only at work?”

You think it over for a minute before shrugging.

“Honestly, whatever’s most comfortable for all of you. I would prefer if at work you guys are invisible, but while we’re in public and stuff, whatever you guys feel comfortable with is fine by me.”

At your answer, they all give you fond looks which makes your face feel slightly warm. Clearing your throat, you continue.

“Also, I was thinking about it and if you guys are going to be with me 24/7 now, we need some ground rules.”

Jongho chuckled.

“Technically, we’ve always been here, you’ve just barely found out.”

You realize he’s right, and the memories of every single embarrassing thing that you’ve ever done in the privacy of your own home comes rushing back to you.

“Well, yeah, now that I know you guys are here,” you stumble over your words slightly. “Privacy is really big for me. I don’t have many rules, but I just ask that you guys don’t show up unannounced or else that might really freak me out, and please, if you’re going to come into my room, just knock.”

Everyone nods their heads in agreement.

“And,” you continue, “no more reading my thoughts please.”

Only a few of them nod, which makes you grow slightly concerned.

“Is that a problem?” You ask, a slight edge to your voice.

“Not at all,” Seonghwa reassures.

“It’s just that we do get a little concerned for when you’re alone. Being aware of your thoughts helps us decide if you need our help at that moment or not,” Hongjoong explains.

You nod.

“I get that, but if at least one of you is going to be by my side every single day from now on, I really don’t think there’s any need for you to read my thoughts.”

You continue.

“Plus, it’s really just about privacy for me. I don’t really feel comfortable with you guys having access to every single thought in my head, no matter how big or small.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa both nod.

“We understand. And we’ll do our best to respect your boundaries.”

“Thank you guys,” you send them a small smile.

“Plus, if I need any help or anything, I’ll just yell out ‘bat’ really loud,” you joke, referring to the bruise you might’ve left on Wooyoung’s stomach.

Everyone laughs except for him.

“Not funny,” he pouts.

You let out a small giggle, patting him lightly on the arm.

“You did kind of deserve it, my friend.”

Clapping your hands together, you let out a deep exhale.

“Now that that’s all settled, I need to go grocery shopping. All of you are more than welcome to come.”

A few of them look very excited, which both excites you and makes you slightly nervous.

“Thank you for the invitation,” Hongjoong starts. “But Seonghwa and I will have to pass this time.”

You pout slightly.

“Aw man.”

“Trust me,” Seonghwa starts. “We would love to go on our first official errand run with you, little one, but we have some business to deal with upstairs.”

He uses his index finger to point up and you look up as well.

Upstairs?

“Ohhhh, you mean, like, heaven and all that,” you laugh nervously at your lack of understanding.

The two men nod.

“But don’t worry, we should be back by the end of the day,” Hongjoong reassures you.

“Don’t worry guys,” Mingi slings an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “We’ve got this.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa stare at the male by your side, slightly unamused.

“That’s what we’re scared of.”

It’s officially been about a week since your near death experience and finding out about your guardian angels.

While having all of them around had certainly been awkward at first, you’ve all slowly begun to fall into a routine. Sometimes, you feel as though you’ve known them your whole life.

Which, to a certain extent, you kind of have.

Something about having them around just makes you feel incredibly safe and warm inside. Not to mention the slight butterflies you’ve been experiencing around them, but you’re quick to try and cage them as soon as they appear.

Wooyoung and Seonghwa have taken it upon themselves to cook most of the meals for the nine of you. Every day when you come home from work, you can always count on a warm, freshly cooked meal to be waiting on the table for you.

“You’re kind of like my house husbands,” you joked to them one time.

Seonghwa blushed, while Wooyoung had blown you a kiss.

“Anything for you sweetheart.”

Yunho and Mingi are the two that typically accompany you to work, although sometimes Jongho will tag along if he doesn’t have anything else to do. Despite the tall men’s playful personalities, they were both incredibly smart and helped you with your work whenever you felt particularly stressed out.

San was certainly one of the more playful angels, you had noticed.

Although all of them were fun to be around, San was always the first to notice when your mood wasn’t the best, and he was the best at comforting you after a long day. A bad day at work usually ended with San waiting for you with open arms as soon as you walked through the door for some cuddles and quiet time.

When Wooyoung and Mingi had found out about this little routine, they both immediately demanded to be allowed into the “cuddle time” as they called it.

Jongho and Yeosang were the two individuals who you enjoyed spending some quiet time with. The three of you would usually wind down together with some tea and some books or a show. Although they were a little more reserved than the others, you still genuinely enjoyed your time with both of them.

But they certainly had their moments where they could be just as chaotic as the others.

Exhibit A was the day you walked into your apartment to see Yeosang and Yunho standing in your kitchen covered in flour.

“What happened?” you had asked, absolutely astounded by the amount of flour that somehow managed to cover every inch of your kitchen. You didn’t even think you had that much flour to begin with.

The two of them sheepishly admitted that they were trying to bake some cookies, but things had gotten out of hand.

Clicking your tongue, you walked over to the roll of paper towels to begin cleaning up.

“What am I going to do with you guys-”

You had just turned around when the feeling of something soft and powdery hit your face. You sputtered, staring wide-eyed at the two angels. Yunho looked at you and then turned to Yeosang, who avoided your eyes.

What followed next was a flour fight that resulted in a very long clean-up shift.

There was also the time you found out Jongho literally had the voice of an angel.

The two of you were headed to your local plant store to look for some new plants to decorate your apartment with when one of your favorite songs came on the radio.

Turning the volume up, you began singing along softly as did Jongho. As the song continued, his voice grew louder, and when the two of you reached a red light, you were unable to do anything except stare at him slack-jawed at the voice that was coming out of him. Only the sound of the car behind you honking was able to shake you out of your stupor.

Now, you guys have little karaoke parties in your car when the two of you are alone.

The only angel you had yet to spend a lot of time with, however, was Hongjoong.

The man always seemed to be busy, as he was hardly ever in your actual apartment. Most mornings when you woke up, he was gone and he wouldn’t show up until the evenings.

You would be lying if you said the hushed arguments he would have with some of the others didn’t concern you. They always occurred at night, when they assumed you were fast asleep. And they always revolved around the same thing.

“She’s not the exact same, and that’s okay, but you guys can’t keep expecting her to be the same as our (Y/n).” You heard Hongjoong say one night.

You had been unable to fall back asleep after that.

Today, though, you really needed to go to the post office, and Hongjoong was the only angel available to accompany you.

You stood awkwardly at the end of your table where Hongjoong sat using your laptop to do something.

“Uh,” you clear your throat. “Hongjoong?”

He looks up a little startled.

“(Y/n),” he acknowledges. “Is everything okay?” He looks at you concerned.

“Yeah everything’s fine!” You reassure him.

“I just need to run a quick errand and the others are all busy so I was wondering if you could go with me,” you trail off.

God this is awkward.

To your surprise, although you really shouldn’t be, he nods his head quickly.

“Yeah of course. We can go now, if you’re ready?”

“Cool, let me just grab my bag and we can get going!” You rush to your room to grab your bag before walking back to the front door where Hongjoong already waits for you.

The two of you agree to make the short walk to the post office, commenting on how the nice weather is today.

Exiting through the front gates of your apartment, you two begin walking down the sidewalk shoulder to shoulder in silence.

“So is-”

“I wanted-”

The two of you start talking at the same time.

You both let out a laugh and you can feel your shoulders relax a bit.

“Go ahead,” you allow Hongjoong to speak first.

He takes a deep breath.

“I just wanted to apologize for the way I’ve been acting lately,” he says as he stares into your eyes.

You have to admit, that’s not what you were expecting him to say.

“Huh?”

“I’ve been really distant and pre-occupied lately,” Hongjoong continues. “And I know you’ve noticed, so I want to sincerely apologize. There’s been a lot of stuff I’ve been dealing with and I don’t want you to think I don’t like this,” he gestures between the two of you, “thing we have going on.”

You shake your head.

“No, please don’t feel like you have to apologize Hongjoong. To be completely honest, I have no clue what it is you guys have to deal with in the first place, but I’m really grateful you’ve all gone out of your way to help me.”

You let out a small, sad laugh.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t really get why you guys are helping me in the first place. I’m sure you’ve all had hundreds of different assigned humans throughout your existence, so I’m nothing special.”

Hongjoong stops abruptly and turns to face you.

“That’s not true,” he says firmly. The serious expression on his face has you taken aback.

“What?”

“You said you’re nothing special. That’s not true.”

Hongjoong sighs and grabs both of your hands.

“Look, it’s complicated to explain, and I will tell you, but we agreed we all wanted to tell you together. So, if you’re okay with waiting, I can tell you everything that’s been going on as soon as we get back to your apartment.”

You would be lying if you said his words don’t scare you a little bit.

“It’s okay Hongjoong, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” you reassure him, softly running your fingers over his knuckles.

He shakes his head.

“I- We all want to tell you, and you deserve to know the truth.”

You nod your head.

“Okay. Back at my apartment it is then,” you send him a small smile, which he returns.

“Before we head to the post office,” you start. “Do you want to visit my favorite cafe with me?”

Hongjoong smiles softly at you.

“I would love to.”

You guys continue walking down the few blocks and after a few minutes, you both stand at the stoplight that sits across from the cafe. You and Hongjoong laugh at the stories you tell him about the antics Yunho and Mingi get up to when you’re at work. The light turns green, and you begin to cross the street.

“I’m telling you, I just told them about this lady in my office who’s always getting on my nerves and they made it their mission to inconvenience her in every way possible!” You exclaim.

Hongjoong lets out a hearty laugh and you smile widely at how relaxed he looks.

Just as your about to continue your story, you notice the wind blowing your letter out of your purse.

Cursing, you tell Hongjoong to wait on the sidewalk while you run quickly after the paper. The letter lands in the middle of crosswalk and you’ve just barely managed to pick it up when the sound of someone yelling your name makes you whip around.

Coming towards you at a terrifying speed is a car.

You stand frozen in the middle of street, unable to move your feet.

You barely manage to catch a glimpse of Hongjoong’s terrified face when you feel your body get thrown back, and everything turns black.

You stand in a green field.

The scenery is absolutely gorgeous and you can feel the warm sun and cool breeze on your skin.

Looking around, you notice a large, crystal blue lake in the distance. Your legs begin to take you in that direction on their own accord.

You reach the lake and crouch down, slightly dipping your hand in the cool water. Soft ripples make their way across the surface of the water and you can’t help but feel completely at ease in this place.

Whatever this place is.

As you continue staring down into the water, you notice your reflection seems to look different.

The you staring back has much longer hair than you currently have, and the clothes your reflection wears is older, looking like they come from an early Victorian age.

You tilt your head to the side and notice that your reflection’s head doesn’t move.

A voice sounds out through your mind.

“You need to go back.”

“Go back?” You whisper aloud.

Your reflection nods.

“They need you.”

Other you doesn’t specify who you two are talking about, but deep down, you think you already know the answer.

Your reflection sends you a gentle smile before disappearing. You watch as the water returns to its calm state before gently pushing yourself back up to your feet.

You take one last look around the field you’re in, before closing your eyes.

The first thing you notice is how dark it is.

You can hear the sounds of people talking and crying around you, and you can feel hands softly grabbing your body, but you’re unable to open your eyes or move.

“Please,” someone whispers over your body.

“Please don’t leave us again.”

You lose consciousness once again.

The next time you wake up, your entire body hurts.

You let out a soft groan, slowly opening your eyes and allowing them to adjust to the soft light of your lamp.

Something heavy rests near your right hand, and turning your head slightly, you can see a head of familiar pink hear laying down next to you.

Using what little strength you have in your body, you raise your hand and gently rest it on Mingi’s head. Softly, you run your fingers through the short strands on his head.

He makes an inaudible noise and turns his head over so that you can now see his face. As you continue stroking his head, his eyes flutter open. He looks a little bit confused for a few seconds before his body is shooting up and he stares at you shocked.

“(Y/n),” he whispers softly.

“Hi Mingi,” you reply.

You watch as tears well up in his eyes and he throws himself on top of you, mindful to not rest his entire body weight on you. You can hear footsteps rushing towards your room before your bedroom door is being slammed open.

You can barely see over Mingi’s broad back that covers your frame, but you already know who it is.

As Mingi releases you, you attempt to sit up, only to stop and hiss in pain when jolts of pain shoot up your back.

“Be careful, little one,” Seonghwa says, moving forward to help adjust some pillows behind you.

You thank him and take a moment to look around at each of the men that surrounds your bed. You notice the dark circles under their eyes and the way their skin seems to lack it’s normal glow.

“You guys look worse than I feel,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood.

Yeosang frowns.

“You’ve been out for 4 days, sunflower.”

You blink harshly.

“Four days?”

Jongho nods.

“The worst four days of our entire existence,” he says.

You look down at the blanket that rests on your lap.

“I’m sorry.”

You’re not quite sure what you’re apologizing for.

“No I’m sorry.”

It’s Hongjoong who speaks.

He comes to your side, falling onto his knees beside your bed and taking your hand into his. He leans down to rest his forehead against your hand.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” he cries.

“I should’ve known. I should’ve seen the car coming, I should’ve moved faster, I should’ve gotten you out of the way-” he sobs.

“No, Hongjoong,” you shake your head. “There’s nothing you could’ve done, the car came out of nowhere and it was too fast.”

“I don’t think you understand,” Yunho whispers.

“We swore to never let you pass before your time again.”

You can’t help the confused look you give them, but then, you remember the reflection you saw in the lake.

How the person looked just like you, but from a different era.

The arguments you heard Hongjoong have with the others.

Softly resting your palm on Hongjoong’s tear stained face, you speak.

“I need you guys to explain everything to me.”

All nine of you sit in your living room.

The boys helped you get settled on the couch, where you sit with San and Wooyoung flanking both of your sides. Hongjoong and Seonghwa sit across from you three while Mingi sits on the floor next to your legs. Yunho sits to the right of San and Yeosang and Jongho remain standing, but still close.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve met you,” Hongjoong begins.

“We’ve been very lucky to have met you almost every single time you’ve been reborn.”

Yeosang continues.

“The first time we met you was an accident. You happened to stumble upon me when I was helping a wounded human at the time. Soon after, I introduced you to the others.”

“But I thought the only time humans could see a guardian angel was when they were close to death?” You questioned.

Jongho nods sadly.

“You passed away shortly after meeting the rest of us.”

“In almost every single life where you’ve been reborn,” Wooyoung explains.

“We’ve managed to find you, but we’ve never been granted the luxury of time.”

You softly run your fingers through his hair, hearing the tremble of his voice as he speaks.

“The last two times that you’ve been born, we’ve been fortunate enough to be your guardian angels,” Seonghwa smiles.

“But in your last life, you passed away prematurely,” San says.

You turn your head towards him.

“A freak accident that we weren’t able to save you from.”

Mingi turns around to look up at you from where he rests by your legs.

“We failed you,” he whispers sadly.

You shake your head.

“You guys didn’t fail me. Not then, and not now. Just because you guys are angels doesn’t mean you can control everything that happens.”

“Sometimes,” you take a deep breath. “Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t always protect the ones you love.”

“But we have to,” Hongjoong says, looking you in the eye. “Not only is that our job, but for selfish reasons too.”

He looks down at his hands.

“We couldn’t take watching you die another time.”

It’s silent for a moment.

“How am I still here then?”

Hongjoong looks back up at you.

“We made a deal.”

You send him a questioning look.

“A deal?”

All the men surrounding you nod.

“What kind of deal?” You prod, noticing how they seem to hesitate to give you more details.

“Our life in exchange for yours.”

You inhale sharply, the sudden movement causing pain to shoot up your back. Wooyoung and San attempt to soothe your pain, but your mind is only focused on the information they just gave you.

“What?”

“We made a deal with God,” Yunho starts. “Our status in heaven as guardian angels, in exchange for the guarantee that you would live a full life.”

“What?” you say breathlessly. “Why, why would you guys do that?”

“Because we’re selfish,” Jongho says, looking at you with such tenderness you’re unsure of what to do with yourself.

“And we don’t care about being angels or having those powers and helping others if it means we have to live in a world without you in it,” Mingi finishes.

Tears begin to well up and spill out of your eyes before you can stop them. San and Wooyoung cuddle impossibly closer to you, hugging you tightly while the others watch on with misty eyes.

“Thank you,” you sob into your hands. “Thank you.”

They all smile.

It’s been about a month since you almost (should’ve) died.

In that month, the ex-angels did their best to help you recover from your injuries, although they certainly complained about no longer having healing powers to help stop you from being pain.

“Welcome to the life of being a human,” you rolled your eyes.

“This is lame, maybe we should’ve stayed as angels,” Wooyoung muttered.

You smacked him on the chest, ignoring his yelp and complaints.

“Don’t make me bring out the bat again,” you warned.

After you were fully recovered, you focused on helping the boys adjust to their new lives as humans.

“Why do we have to walk everywhere?” Mingi groaned, dragging his feet behind you.

You rolled your eyes.

He’s just like a little kid.

“Because my car can only fit four of you, but all eight of you decided to accompany me to the store,” you remind him.

He says nothing, but you could still hear his grumbling.

As they’ve slowly adjusted to human life, the nine of you have fallen into a smooth routine that’s oddly domestic.

Wooyoung and Seonghwa continue to cook the meals for you guys, and you all make an effort to eat at least one meal together a day.

Seeing as most of them aren’t morning people, you typically opt to eat dinner together instead.

You’ve also decided to introduce them to your favorite bookstore.

“How ironic,” you muse, walking hand in hand with San and Yunho as you all approach the quaint shop.

“What is, sunflower?” Yeosang questions.

“This bookstore is the whole reason I met you guys in the first place,” you give San’s hand a small squeeze.

He squeezes it back three times.

Later that night, when you’ve all returned home, you guys decide to have a small movie night.

After arguing over what movie to watch, Jongho insisted on watching a horror movie, which Mingi complained about loudly.

Not that it mattered, most everyone ended up falling asleep by the time the film was halfway over, including yourself.

You could hear the sound of someone moving around quietly in the living room and turned your head to the side, burying your face deeper into Mingi’s chest. The feeling of a blanket being laid over the two of you was welcomed.

You felt someone leave a soft kiss on the side of your head.

“Goodnight my love,” Hongjoong whispered softly. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

You hummed in reply, falling back asleep perfectly content and safe in the presence of your lovers.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

a/n: my fic to celebrate hitting 50 followers, you guys are insane, i love you all so much and i hope you enjoyed this as much as i enjoyed writing it :)

#ateez x reader #ateez imagines #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #ateez ot8 #ot8 x reader #ot8 imagine #angel au #guardian angel au #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez comfort

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seohwang · 2 years ago

Text

Blinding Pavlov.

Seonghwa accidentally comparing you to his abusive ex for being too clingy

Genre: angst to fluff, comfort, gn!reader

Request: cold bf seongwa x clingy gf reader! [...] one day he got irritated so he lashed out comparing his ex to her and the reader cries and distances herself [...] angst to fluff pls thank you <3 (you can find the whole prompt here)

Word count: 6 840 (holy shit, how??)

Warnings: verbal fights, mentions of emotionally manipulative exes, crying (both sides)

A/N: Okay, I admit, I had to alter the prompt a little bit. I don’t really see Seonghwa as someone who would lash out at his partner, so I had to give him some stronger reason for it which then turned it into mainly you consoling him, lol. I also made the reader and Seonghwa’s ex gender-neutral to be more inclusive. Hope that's alright and that you enjoy! <3

A/N 2: Also, I wrote a similar two-part reaction for Ateez before about the two of you arguing, so if you want to check that out as well, you can find it here.

So, your relationship with Seonghwa has been slowly progressing.

Now, that itself isn't a bad thing, not at all!

If anything, Seonghwa loved spending time with you and getting closer to you, steadily uncovering more and more about one another

However, with the way things have been going lately, there was a strange feeling bubbling up inside him, and not a pleasant one at that

He wasn't sure what it was at first - maybe it was just a second wave of that shy, butterflies-in-your-stomach-inducing bashfulness he felt around you in the beginning?

Unfortunately, no, it wasn't, Seonghwa would soon come to realize

It was doubt.

Doubt, seeping into his mind every time you were around him, giving him any kind of physical affection

Now, that might sound a bit strange, he must admit, but there was a good reason for his uneasiness

You see, as much as Seonghwa enjoyed the newfound avalanche of attention you started giving him as the two of you became more and more comfortable around each other, it also reminded him of certain things

Or a certain someone, rather

Someone he had the displeasure of being in a relationship with prior to meeting you

Someone whose affection started just like this, with gradually increasing physical contact and attention in general, only to then start misusing said affection to guilt-trip Seonghwa into doing whatever they wanted

Seonghwa didn’t realize at first, maybe even seeing it as something cute when he was still in the honeymoon phase, thinking it was just their way of showing how much they liked him

But as time went on, he started to see a new pattern arising

Not only had the amount of attention he was receiving going down, but the only instances he was given any were if he behaved the way his partner wanted

Luckily for him, his friends were there to help him recognize the red flags and give him the courage to break it off, though it still took a few months to do so

And, as is unfortunately normal for humans, despite hating the way he was being treated towards the end of the relationship, Seonghwa found himself beginning to get used to it

That terrifying realization had then served as one of the main factors which pushed him to break up with his ex, but, as he had found out just recently, it might have still come a tad too late

Why, you ask?

Because now, as Seonghwa noticed you getting more and more affectionate with him as time went by, the memories of his previous relationship all came back to him

He didn’t want to doubt you, of course not

He trusted you way too much to actually think you would try to manipulate him later on as well

And yet

The quiet, uncomfortable thought in the back of his mind persisted

He tried to ignore it, he really did

And it seemed to be mostly working so far

Until today, when you were supposed to come over in the evening to hang out together and possibly have a small sleepover

Seonghwa thought this would be a great day for the both of you, picking out the best possible date so that neither of you would have to worry about any errands or responsibilities tonight and just enjoy each other’s company

You were supposed to come sometime around dinner, so Seonghwa should have had enough time to clean up a bit and get started on some food for the both of you

But then, of course, life happened

It started in the morning with just a few minor inconveniences

He woke up late, making him storm through his apartment half-asleep, skipping breakfast just to barely make it to work on time

In his rush, however, he failed to notice the heavy rain outside, causing him to have quite the awakening once he stepped out of the apartment complex

His luck was generous enough to spare him any more hindrances on his way to work, so he did get there on time with a bit (read: a lot) of rushing

But, of course, his streak of misfortune didn’t end there

His superiors suddenly came to the alarming realization that they were all very behind schedule, causing them to have a panicked meeting early in the morning to try and find a way to fix their mess

And that, of course, was done by throwing most of the work on Seonghwa’s division, with Seonghwa specifically catching the majority of the workload as the senior of his working group

This not only meant that he had to stay behind at work, but that he also had to zoom through everything as quickly as possible to even make it to his own apartment on time before you were supposed to come

Fortunately, Seonghwa’s energy and determination carried him through most of the day, and, after what felt like a thousand sighs and moans of stress, he was finally done for the day and free to dash back home

The second he got to his apartment, he slammed the door behind him, throwing his jacket and shoes to the side before rushing further inside to check the clock

Okay, it wasn’t that late yet, so there should still be some time before you’d arrive

You hadn’t agreed on any specific time, since Seonghwa thought he would be ready with everything long before now, but now he really wished you had

!!Aah!! Breathe! It’s fine!

All he had to do was freshen up a bit, change his clothes, put a few things away, and then get to cooking

Especially because he, ever the responsible person he is, had already bought everything he needed for the meal the day before so he didn’t have to waste any more time now

With that in mind, he ran to get changed and wash up, thinking about how many steps of cooking he had ahead of him

However, right after he emerged from his room, the cutesy little tone of the doorbell rang throughout the apartment

Quietly cursing to himself (partly because it meant he didn’t make the food on time, but also partly because his soul almost left his body at the sudden loud sound), he made his way down the hall

Speedwalking over to the door, he opened it to see your cute, beaming face as your eyes met his

“Hi, babe!” You greeted him cheerfully, immediately stepping forward to close the distance between the two of you with a quick peck on his lips

“Hey,” he greeted back with notably less enthusiasm, spending the rest of his energy mustering up a small, tired smile

Putting your coat and boots away, you raised your head up to look at him, noticing the solemn expression all over his face

You straightened back up and examined him worriedly, trying to decipher the unsure look in his eyes as you leaned into him

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You inquired softly, caressing his arm, “are you okay?”

Seonghwa sighed, knowing there was no way around this - after all, even if he did deny it right now, you would notice something was off the second you’d walk into the kitchen anyway

“I’m fine,” Seonghwa muttered, carefully removing your hand from his arm, “just had a lot of unexpected work suddenly thrown at me today, so I got home only a few moments ago and couldn’t make dinner yet, sorry.”

But to his surprise, you didn’t seem disappointed in the slightest; if anything, your grin appeared to grow even wider

“Ah, don’t worry about that, it’s fine! We’ll figure it out,” you reassured him, grabbing the bag you brought with you before walking further into his home

Seonghwa had invited you to sleep over today, and while you weren’t completely sure about it at first, you decided to stay the night in the end, the bag being a quiet confirmation of your decision to him

As you walked down the hallway, Seonghwa silently trailed behind you, unable to shake off the mild uneasiness he felt from when your hand had reached for his arm

Once again, he couldn’t help but feel the irrational doubt of what your touches actually meant

He knew it was stupid - you would never treat him the same way his ex did, right?

He almost bumped into your back as you stopped in your tracks in the middle of the living room, plopping your bag down near the couch before turning around to face him, an adorable yet resolute smile gracing your lips

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to get really hungry. You said you didn’t have time to make dinner yet, right?” You questioned, receiving a confirming hum from Seonghwa in return

“Okay, then let’s get to it, shall we?” You declare, walking over to Seonghwa to lightly pat him on the back, “I’ll just go change really quick and then I’ll come help you, hm? You can go get the ingredients ready in the meantime if you want since I don’t know where anything in your kitchen is anyway.”

And with a small chuckle, you turned around to unzip your bag, taking out a comfortable pair of leggings and a T-shirt to change into

With a silent nod (not that you could see it anyway), Seonghwa shuffled over to the kitchen, rummaging through his drawers and cabinets to get the things you were going to need

He could still feel your touch linger on his skin, creating a puzzling mix of warmth and cold within

He knew he would have probably brushed all of this off if it were any other day, but today specifically, it seemed as though the overwhelming stress and tiredness amplified all of the inner conflict going on inside him

Even the tiniest things were irritating him right now, each of your touches making him feel just a little more on edge as-

“Okay, I’m ready!” You announced happily as you appeared in the doorframe, strutting over to his side to take the pot he was stiffly holding from his hands and put it on the stove

“So, what are we making?”

The rest of the evening went by pretty quickly as you helped Seonghwa cut different vegetables, boil the pasta, and get the silverware and dishes ready

Of course, you made sure to sprinkle in lots of affectionate gestures, from complimenting him on his cute colorful set of plates to giving him a warm, loving back hug as you watched him stir the contents of the pot

You weren’t blind by any means - maybe you’d even go as far as to call yourself pretty aware and attentive, meaning you’d definitely noticed the distant, sullen look in Seonghwa’s eyes throughout the evening

He was nothing like your usual Seonghwa - no smiles, no gentle words of help or advice, not even one of his rare, cheeky little remarks

Something was wrong, and although he already told you it was because he was just tired and stressed from work, you could tell that likely wasn’t the only reason

But seeing how he was barely holding himself upright (you’d offered him to sit down and let you finish the meal twice, but he’d declined both times), you decided it might be better to just leave the questions for later, if not for another time entirely

After a few more minutes, you were finally done with the dish, and you had to admit - it looked really good

Wrapping your arms around his middle with a content hum, you leaned to the side to watch as Seonghwa evenly poured everything into the two bowls you put on the counter, excited to finally eat together

You noticed how he froze in your hold for a second before resuming what he was doing, but decided not to comment on it

“It looks amazing,” you commented, breaking the silence in the room, “I’m really proud of us.”

Seonghwa gave you a small smile in return, carefully wriggling himself out of your hold to hand you your food before slowly making his way out of the kitchen and into the living room

“Wanna watch something while we eat?” He asked, plopping down on the couch

“Sure, what do you want to watch?” You asked back, making your way over to sit next to him

“Hmm, let’s see,” Seonghwa replied thoughtfully, turning on the TV to skim through the huge list of movies and shows

In the end, you decided to just settle on some random movie that caught your attention, not really needing to watch anything extraordinary while eating

It’s not like either of you focused on the movie much anyway, too engrossed in your food after a long day of being hungry to pay anything else any mind

Though, even after you finished eating, it didn’t seem like either of you really knew what they were watching

You because you were too distracted thinking of a way to cheer Seonghwa up and find out why he’d been so distant today (and lately in general, as you’d come to realize)

And Seonghwa because he was far too distracted by his own thoughts to focus on anything else

He could feel your thigh lightly resting against his, serving as a constant reminder of his earlier pondering

He took in his current situation, being reminded far too much of a bitter memory from his previous relationship

One which started out exactly like this

He was hanging out with his partner, with him watching a random TV show while they idly scrolled on their phone beside him

They leaned on him as they relaxed, giving him a smile or a comforting leg squeeze every once in a while

But then, the all-too-familiar happened

“Hwa, do you think you could drive me to the venue tomorrow morning? My car’s still being repaired so I can’t,” Minjae whined cutely, hanging onto Seonghwa’s arm as they sat on his couch together

He paused the show they were watching, turning his head to face them

Just as he expected, they were pulling those over-the-top puppy eyes, looking right back at him with a pout

He swallowed down the nervous lump in his throat, already knowing what was likely going to happen

“Uh, baby, I-I’m really sorry but I can’t, you know I have to go to work early tomorrow...” he trailed off, watching the cutesy expression on their face drop as they took in his words

As always, they proceeded to immediately pull away from him, staring at him incredulously as they spoke: “What do you mean? How else am I supposed to get there then? I’ve literally told you about this two weeks ago, I thought it was obvious you would have to drive me there when my own car is busted.”

Seonghwa let out a timid chuckle, fiddling with the remote control anxiously as their tone of voice immediately turned accusatory

“I-I don’t know, I didn’t think you would expect me to drive you there when I physically can’t because of work.”

Minjae’s eyes suddenly lit up as a seemingly new idea came to them: “Oh, then how about this! You let me borrow your car tomorrow and take the bus! It will be just one day so it’s fine, right?”

Seonghwa stilled at their exclamation, unsure of what to say

“M-Minjae, do you know how few buses actually drive over to my workplace? The latest one I can take would still make me an hour early! And God knows if there even are any buses stopping there in the evening! Can’t you just take the bus yourself?”

He could feel his throat constricting as the argument went on, hating how his anxiety still managed to spike despite fights like this happening so often

The look on Minjae’s face immediately let him know that that was a horrible suggestion, but they made sure to tell him as well: “Are you serious? You’re expecting me to take the fucking bus there with those expensive clothes and shoes? You’re kidding, right?” They chuckled incredulously, turning away from him with a bitter tone: “just say you hate me and don’t want to help me, it’s fine.”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened at the statement, brain coming to a halt at the startling accusation

“What?! When have I ever said that? Minjae, you know I would love to drive you there, but I just- I can’t...”

But, of course, no matter how much he tried to reason with them, it was futile

After a few moments of tense silence, he finally broke, inwardly cursing himself for giving in yet again, but speaking up nonetheless: “Okay, fine, I’ll just-I’ll sort myself out somehow, do whatever you want.”

His thoughts were forced to a halt as you suddenly turned your body to him, gently moving to lay your legs over his lap, head tilting up to look at him as you hugged his arm

“Whatcha thinking about? You’re barely even watching the movie,” you chuckled, noticing his startled eyes instantly dart to you as he was pulled from his daydream

Watching you, Seonghwa could feel that same anxiety he used to feel begin to well up in him again, making him hyper-aware of just how close you were to him

He hated that you unknowingly made him feel like this, it felt as if he was betraying you or lying to you somehow, even though he knew there was nothing to feel bad about

“Ah, it’s- it’s nothing, really,” he replied as he looked back at you, forcing a smile that only made his stomach churn even more

Fuck, he was doing it again, wasn’t he?

Trying to accommodate to his partner, hiding his own discomfort in order to not ruin their mood

Deciding he’d had enough, he hastily continued: “A-actually, I was thinking I might go to bed early today, sorry. I’ve just been really tired and- yeah, I’m just pretty tired after all the rush at work.”

He watched your face drop as you gave him a sad, worried look, feeling like this was some sort of twisted deja vu

If he was feeling just anxious before, then right now he needed to go

“What? But it’s still so early,” you tried to reason, giving him a confused pout, “we’ve barely even done anything.”

He knew you meant well, he believed you fully and knew there was no malice behind your words, and yet he suddenly felt trapped under you, mind going frantic

“L-look, Y/N, I know it’s early and that you wanted to spend more time together tonight, and I’m really sorry about that, I really am, but- but I think I should just go to bed,” he rambled insistently, gingerly grabbing your legs to get them off his lap

You, however, seemed a bit more persistent than usual, leaning in to cling onto Seonghwa even tighter, “oh come on, babe, please? If I knew you were gonna end it this early, I would have spent the time with you more wisely!” You exclaimed jokingly, trying to ease the strange tension a bit

Seonghwa just let out a shaky sigh, eyebrows furrowing as he looked away, trying to get you to move again so he could stand up, “Y/N, please, I-”

“Just five more minutes, Hwa, please! That’s all I-”

“Can you just fucking stop?!” Seonghwa suddenly yelled, making you jump

“H-Hwa, I-” you began, unsure of what to say as you pulled away from him, letting him finally stand up

However, before you could conjure up anything more, Seonghwa continued: “Don’t call me that! I just told you I wanted to go to bed, is it so hard to respect that?”

You just stayed quiet, sitting frozen in your spot as you looked up at your upset boyfriend

He let out a heavy breath, carding his fingers through his hair, eyes flitting everywhere but to you, “I swear, you’re becoming just like Minjae! Why does everything always have to revolve around you? Can’t you ever try and see how I feel, huh? Have you always been this clingy and restrictive?”

“Seonghwa, I think that’s enough,” you raised your own trembling voice as tears began to well up in your eyes

It was then that Seonghwa finally looked down at you again, feeling a pang in his heart at the sight, knowing it was him who caused this

Him, who was so irrationally scared of getting hurt by you that he ended up hurting you instead

“Y/N, I’m sorry-”

But before he could say anything else you just stood up, picked up the two bowls from the table, and made your way back into the kitchen without another word

A new wave of silence rang throughout the room, leaving Seonghwa to think about what had just gone down

He felt horribly sorry already, but with the adrenaline still pumping through his veins, he knew he should probably calm down first before trying to talk to you again

And so he did, leaving the living room as well to get ready for bed and hopefully sort out the rampage of conflicting thoughts running through his mind during it

Meanwhile, you found yourself alone in the kitchen, walking over to the sink with a blurry vision as you tried to fight back the tears, but to no avail

Soon, you were silently washing the dishes, tears running down your cheeks as you recalled the fight in your head

Did he really mean what he’d said? Were you selfish and clingy? Were you not caring enough?

You thought that what you were doing was normal, that you were just getting more affectionate with Seonghwa as your relationship naturally progressed, but this sudden outburst just threw all of that security out the window

You couldn’t help but feel confused, unsure of how you were supposed to act from now on if something as mild as this made Seonghwa lash out this bad at you of nowhere

But it was exactly that sudden, abnormal nature of it that made you rethink everything, trying to focus more rationally on what he’d said and how he said it

And then, as you thought about it more and more, you were slowly starting to piece the puzzle together - the unusual quietness, how he pushed you away whenever you tried to touch him, how distant he’d been in general, and, of course, the completely random mention of Minjae, his ex he’d apparently broken up with on really bad terms two years ago

No matter how much you tried to think about it, things just weren’t adding up

This wasn’t your Seonghwa - your calm, nice, cheerful boyfriend who always loved to spend time with you, who always made sure to communicate properly and solve things as peacefully as possible

No, there just had to be more to this that you didn’t know about

Something that would explain the sudden outburst

And so, you decided to give it time, letting the both of you calm down in your own bubbles before you’d be ready to talk

After washing all the dishes, you quietly made your way back to the couch, dropping down on it unceremoniously before pulling out your phone

You could hear the shower running in the bathroom, letting you know Seonghwa was still awake and probably contemplating everything as well

And, sure enough, a few minutes later you heard the shower stop, followed by a few more minutes of rustling around before the bathroom door eventually opened

A tense, unsure silence hung in the air, and you could almost feel the hesitance radiating from Seonghwa all the way down the hallway

After a few short moments, you heard the sound of feet padding on the floor, slowly growing nearer and nearer

Until finally, your boyfriend’s head peeked from around the corner, eyes visibly widening when he realized you were already looking at him

Sheepishly, he emerged from behind the wall in his cute, soft pajamas, meekly standing before you

After a short pause of not knowing where or how to begin, he finally spoke

“I-I’m, um, I’m going to bed,” he announces, watching you expectantly

Admittedly, you were a bit confused and disappointed by the statement

Was that it?

You weren’t sure how to respond

Was he going to try to pretend the outburst never happened? Did he need more time to process everything? What exactly were you supposed to say?

“Oh, um, okay,” you slowly replied, watching him tentatively, “goodnight.”

Seonghwa’s face dropped a bit at your curt response, eyes flitting across the floor as he tried to think of a response, a light, embarrassed blush slowly spreading over his cheeks

“No, I meant like- you’re free to join me, if you want. I’ll wait for you to get ready for bed too so we can fall asleep together and- uh, yeah.”

Ah.

Another round of silence broke out between the two of you as you contemplated your options while Seonghwa nervously awaited your reply

On one hand, you really wanted to say yes

To just put all of this behind you and go back to how things were before tonight

To only focus on the good parts of your relationship and pretend this never happened

On the other hand, however, you knew this wasn’t something you could just easily forget about

Clearly, as you’d come to realize, this was an issue that had been troubling Seonghwa for a while, and you’d hate to have it go ignored just because it might be uncomfortable to talk about at first

Because if this was something bigger (and judging by Seonghwa’s actions less than an hour ago, it clearly was), it would probably resurface again at some later point in your relationship anyway

And even if it didn’t, what kind of partner would you be if you didn’t help your loving boyfriend with his troubles when he obviously needed it?

You wanted him to be happy again, to be himself again, and ignoring tonight wasn’t going to accomplish any of that

“Oh, uh, well,” you began, unsure of how to phrase yourself, “thank you for the offer, but I think I’ll stay up a bit longer, so you don’t have to wait for me.”

You gave him a small, encouraging smile, but for Seonghwa, it seemed to do the opposite

He felt like a lost puppy, trying to do anything and everything to get you to forget about this, and yet you denied his every attempt at reconciliation

But there was a reason for that, wasn’t there?

After all, why would you accept such a poor attempt at smoothing things out?

Clearly, you wanted and expected answers from him

It was the least you deserved, he admitted to himself

After all he’d said and done today, you at least deserved a mature explanation and apology, and he knew he had to- no, wanted to give it to you

And so, with a sigh of defeat, he walked over to the couch, leaving a bit of space between the two of you as he sat down

“No, you’re right,” he admitted, folding his hands in his lap timidly, “we should talk about this first. If you want to, that is.”

A relieved smile crept onto your lips, watching the way your boyfriend subconsciously tried to make himself smaller next to you, holding his breath in anticipation of your reply

“Of course I want to talk, I just wasn’t sure if you were ready to do so as well.”

At that, he gave you a shy smile of his own, gingerly glancing up at you before letting his gaze fall again, “I am now. I guess I just needed some time to calm down first, sorry.”

You sat up in your spot, almost reaching over to comfort him, but then you quickly restrained yourself, scared to touch him without his permission

“H-Seonghwa, it’s okay. You’ve had a long day today so I get that you were on edge. It happens,” you tried to console him, stopping yourself from saying the pet name that caused him to break before at the last second

Seonghwa shook his head, “no, that’s not what it was. Or not the main cause, at least.”

You waited expectantly for a few seconds, but when he didn’t elaborate, you decided to give him another nudge

“Then what was it?” you inquired gently, “you can tell me anything, it’s okay.”

His head hung low at your words, feeling even more ashamed of himself now that you were talking

How could he ever think you would treat him badly, even if just subconsciously?

The devastated look on your face the moment he started yelling already proved to him just how wrong he was, but hearing you care for him so much just drove the guilt in even deeper

“I know I can, it’s just that...I’m sorry, I really am. I know that you’re mad at me- and rightfully so, but just know that I didn’t mean anything I said, I promise. I don’t usually get mad like this, so I was surprised as well.”

This time, you couldn’t help yourself, reaching over to softly grab his hand

Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, so you continued: “Baby, I’m not mad,” you said, making Seonghwa glance up at you with big, surprised eyes

“I definitely don’t appreciate what you did, and your words did hurt me, but I can also see that there’s something else going on that you’re not telling me about. I have no problem forgetting about all of this after today, but I need you to talk to me. What is it that’s bothering you?”

Seonghwa let out a sad chuckle at your words, gazing down at your joint hands, “nothing ever gets past you, does it?”

Raising his head to meet your gaze, he continued: “Alright then. It will probably sound pretty stupid now, but I’ll tell you.”

You didn’t say anything, only looking at him expectantly as you waited for him to keep going

You could see the gears turning in his head, mustering up both the right words to describe everything and the courage to say them

“Actually, all of this is...it’s because of my ex,” he admitted, playing with your hand absentmindedly as he spoke, “I’ve never really told you about them since I never saw a reason to bring them up, but lately I’ve been reconsidering telling you.”

After pausing to take a deep breath, he continued: “You see, my ex wasn’t exactly...great, so to speak. It started out just fine, but, um, as things went on, they started to get kind of manipulative, I guess? Like, as we started to become closer physically, they started to use it against me to get me to do whatever they wanted, and, and I-”

Seonghwa suddenly stopped, looking down to hide his teary eyes

He hated how talking about this made him feel, how his ex somehow managed to still have such an effect on him even after they’d long broken up

And most of all, he felt embarrassed to have you see him like this, crying about something so...well, stupid, as Seonghwa would describe it

You gave his hand a light squeeze, reaching over for the tissue box on the coffee table with the other

“It’s okay, take your time. I’m here,” you reassured him, handing him a tissue

Seonghwa took it with a quiet “thank you”, wiping at his eyes quickly as he lowered his gaze again

You took the chance to place a small kiss on the top of his head, however, making your boyfriend let out a light chuckle below you

“Thanks,” he repeated hoarsely, clearing his throat as he straightened himself back up, “sorry, I don’t know what came over me there.”

“It’s fine, you can cry if you need to,” you encouraged him, flashing him a reassuring, non-judgemental smile

He just nodded in response, taking another brief moment to calm down before returning to his explanation

“So, as I was saying - basically, our relationship went really downhill after that, and even though I was lucky enough to break it off pretty early, it looks like it still left some lasting effects I didn’t know about until just recently. And so when the two of us started to get closer, I guess it just reminded me of how the last relationship went and my mind saw some similarities and it made me irrationally anxious about everything from then on. It felt like I was expecting you to start treating me the same way, even though I knew you wouldn’t, but I just couldn’t help it and then- then I had an awful day today and I was already feeling pretty on edge because of that but I tried to suppress it around you, which just made me even more upset and I ended up lashing out at you completely unprompted and I’m really, really sorry, Y/N.”

A fresh wave of tears glossed over his eyes by the end of his long-winded explanation, making him look away again, uncomfortable with the new, unknown level of vulnerability he was showing just now

You weren’t having any of that, however, feeling your heart break at the sad, fragile sight of your boyfriend

Not only were you absolutely devastated by what he’d had to endure before, but seeing just how ashamed Seonghwa was simply by being vulnerable like this with you just made you absolutely miserable

“Oh baby, can I hug you?” You asked tenderly, not wanting to do anything that would cause him any more discomfort

He nodded wordlessly, wiping away any more tears threatening to fall with his sleeve

Not wasting a single second, you immediately brought him into you, letting his head rest against your chest as you smoothed languid circles on his back to try and comfort him, feeling his arms wrap around your waist to keep you close to him as well

“It’s okay bub, I got you,” you whispered to him, eliciting a muffled sniffle and a weak nod from him

“There’s a lot I want to say about all of this, but I’d mostly just like to say I’m really, really sorry you had to go through all that and that it made you scared to let your guard down around me,” you carefully began, pausing momentarily to give the crown of his head another quick peck

“But I also need you to know that it’s not your fault, hun,” you continued, feeling his hold on you tighten even more, “I know you trust me, but there are just some habits that are hard to let go of even after a long time, and that’s okay.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you as you allowed Seonghwa to process your words

“...So you’re really not mad?” He asked tentatively, still unable to shake his worries

After all, could you blame him?

He was expecting a lot of possible things to happen, but never did he think you would be this understanding

He’d spent all this time keeping everything inside, sure that it was something trivial anyway and he was just making a big deal out of nothing, that he was just weak and distrustful of you

But hearing you validate all of his troubles with nothing but complete, honest empathy, he almost wanted to cry all over again just because of that gesture alone

You gave him a quick squeeze in your hold, moving your free hand up to ruffle his hair a little

“Of course not! I just wish you would have told me all of this sooner so you didn’t have to bottle it up inside for so long,” you replied, finally voicing your true concerns

“And I mean that about you not feeling well also. If you ever feel stressed again like you did today and don’t want me to touch you, please tell me. The last thing I want to do is to make you uncomfortable in any way.”

At that, Seonghwa finally pulled away, letting you see his red, wet, puffy face

He gave you a sorry smile, wiping away any remaining hints of tears, “I will, don’t worry.”

You showed him a kind smile back, reaching up to tuck some of his disheveled hair back in place

“Good. Now, about that offer from before - do you still want to go to bed together?”

Seonghwa let out a small hum of confirmation, offering you his hand as he stood up, helping you get up as well

Just as promised, he waited in bed for you, keeping it warm and cozy for you as he thought back to everything you’d said

His thoughts were interrupted when you stepped out of the bathroom, going through the apartment to turn off all the lights before making your way into the bedroom

Seonghwa grinned when he saw your pretty, flowery pajamas, automatically rolling onto his side to face you as you turned the light off and went to your half of the bed

Despite not living together (not yet, at least), you’ve already split the bed into your and Seonghwa’s halves - a decision that frankly made Seonghwa’s heart skip a beat whenever he thought about it

Because even when you weren’t there and he went to bed by himself, it would still remind him of you; of the cozy domesticity you shared together whenever you came over

You slipped under the covers, enjoying the warmth for a moment before moving to mirror Seonghwa’s position

Quietly, he snaked one of his hands over to you, clumsily finding your own to hold in the dark

“Thank you,” he spoke in a hushed voice, breaking the comfortable silence, “you’ve been nothing but understanding today and I really appreciate it.”

You smiled, even though you were almost sure Seonghwa couldn’t see it anyways, heart swelling at his tender tone

“Of course, I could never be mad at you for something like this. I’m glad we could talk everything out and make it better.”

At that, he paused

“Well, you’re right about that,” he hummed thoughtfully, “but I’m not sure if it’s going to be that easy. Even though we resolved everything, it might still take me a bit to truly break that habit, you know.”

You squeezed his hand at his words, rubbing your thumb over the back of it

“I know, don’t worry. I don’t expect you to change immediately just because you explained the problem to me today. I get that it will take a while, and that’s okay.”

You stopped talking as you lifted yourself up to carefully shuffle closer to Seonghwa, making sure not to accidentally bump into him

At last, your eyes were able to make out the silhouette of your boyfriend, letting yourself curl up into his chest with a content sigh

“All that matters is that we’re finally on the same page and I know what’s going on. As long as I know why this might happen sometimes, I’ll know to give you space without taking it to heart.”

Seonghwa’s heart warmed at your words, hands seemingly moving on their own to keep you close to him as well, letting you rest in his embrace

Had it been any other time, he would have probably gone on a long, sappy tangent in his head, wondering about how he managed to get himself someone so kind and empathetic as you

But right now, after a long, hard, and stressful day at work, and an even more stressful conversation at home, he was ready to drift off any second now

And so, not wanting to risk falling asleep before he could respond, he spoke the only thought that still remained strong in his tired mind, staying with him even after all else had been long clouded over

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Thank you for reading! And remember, any feedback is always appreciated! ♥

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alxtiny · 3 months ago

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Ad Astra per Aspera

Episode 3

Pairing: Pirate!Ateez x Navigator!reader

Genre: pirate!au, fluff, angst, maybe smut

Word Count: 7.7k

Warnings: food, self deprecating thoughts

Notes: sort of filler chapter i guess? Character profiles are updated a lil btw :D

Playlist : SOS by Kang Daniel | Pirates by Xdinary Heroes | Animal Farm by BIBI

Series Masterlist | Episode 4 | Episode 2 | Bonus!

Of course, peace was never an option.

You were rudely jolted awake by the sound of a door slamming—again. Your body jerked so violently that you nearly fell off your bed, barely catching yourself on the edge. The thumping in your chest was a mix of lingering exhaustion and sheer irritation. You had almost landed yourself a third visit to the doctor, which was something you wished to avoid after what happened the before.

“What the hell do you want?" you snarled, sitting up with a scowl, blinking against the dim light of the room.

Leaning casually in the doorway was the same infuriating man from earlier. He wore his usual cocky smirk, the kind that made you want to throw something sharp or heavy at him. “Several things, sweetheart, but I’m afraid you won’t like some of the answers," he drawled, his eyes looking you up and down with amusement.

You threw him a scandalised look, crossing your arms over your chest. "Don’t call me that," you snapped, glaring daggers at him. Your attitude only seemed to amuse him more as he chuckled.

“Alright, alright," he raised his hands in mock surrender, still grinning like a stupid cat. "I’ll tell you the real reason I’m here. The captain needs you again—something about getting us out of here. He said we’re through the darkest parts of the cave, and the light’s slowly coming back.”

You groggily glanced at your wristwatch, confirming that about two hours had passed since you’d last checked. If the captain was right, you were nearly through the treacherous part of the cave and would soon be back in open waters. The thought gave you just the slightest bit of relief.

“Take me to him. We have much to discuss,” you said, standing up and brushing the sleep from your eyes.

“Mmm, much to discuss, huh?” he teased, a sly look on his face.

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. “It’s navigation stuff, don’t make it sound like that! And who even are you to question it? Don’t you have a job to do?”

A mischievous glint lit his eyes. “Ah, of course. You don’t know me yet.” He straightened up dramatically, as if preparing for an introduction on stage. “Jung Wooyoung, lookout extraordinaire and your new favourite person. Pleased to meet you." He extended a hand to you.

You scoffed, swatting his hand away. "Favorite? In your dreams, Wooyoung."

Unfazed, he continued, “Also, I do have a job, but right now there’s absolutely nothing to look out for in this cave, so I decided to come here and annoy you.”

You groaned, rolling your eyes yet again as he grinned wider. "Great," you muttered sarcastically, already regretting your decision to ask him anything. Now that you knew his name, though, you were definitely adding him to your nightly list of people to curse.

As you both walked toward the main deck, you noticed something off about Wooyoung. In the dim, flickering light of the corridor, his presence seemed… shadowy, almost as if he wasn’t fully there. You kept glancing at him out of the corner of your eye, but it was hard to tell if it was just the darkness playing tricks on you.

He stayed silent for once, which was even more disturbing than his usual cheeky remarks. Occasionally, he whistled quietly under his breath, but the quiet of the cave made the sound echo strangely around you.

Finally, you reached the deck, and there was Captain Hongjoong—still wearing his damn sunglasses even though darkness enveloped the entire cave. He stood completely still, even with the rocking of the ship, his hands clasped behind his back as he gazed out toward the dimly glowing exit of the cave.

You stepped up beside him, unsure whether to interrupt his thoughts. “Captain,” you finally mumbled.

He turned slightly, just enough to glance at you from behind his sunglasses. “You’ve rested,” he stated more than asked.

“Not really,” you replied, loosening up a little, “but I hear we’re almost through. I’ve come to discuss our next course of action.”

“Good,” Hongjoong replied, nodding. “We’re almost at the exit, and I want you to confirm our path as soon as we’re out of the cave. I’ll not have any more surprises. Not today.”

You glanced back at the looming cave walls, the jagged rocks jutting out as the ship slowly stirred forward. If you had estimated correctly, you’d make it through soon—hopefully without the ship scraping against the sharp edges.

“Once we’re in open waters again, we’ll head for the eastern port towns. But after we dock, there’s another matter I need you to assist with, something a little different than what your job entails” Hongjoong said plainly.

“What matter?” you asked warily.

He waved you off, “All in good time, navigator. For now, let’s focus on getting through.”

Before you could question him further, he turned away, dismissing you. Typical. The man was near impossible to read, always playing out his cards carefully.

With a sigh, you nodded and made your way toward the main deck, tired of all the cryptic talk. Beside you, Wooyoung offered a lazy grin, his earlier silence breaking. You had almost forgotten he was there, almost. "So, what do you think? Captain’s got another fun surprise lined up for us?"

"Probably something that might get us killed or worse," you muttered, shaking your head.

"Wouldn’t be a normal day without it," he chuckled.

You stared at him in shock. "Wait, what? This kind of stuff happens every day!?"

He tipped his head back. "Every. Single. Day. You’ve not seen the worst of it yet" he said, cackling as he sauntered away, leaving you standing there, mouth agape.

Before you could even process what he'd said, a gentle but rough hand came out of nowhere and closed your mouth for you. Startled, you whipped around, hair flying out and smacking the person behind you, who groaned in response.

"Ow, that hurt," the deep voice groaned. It was that tall beefy man with the baby face, the one with the figet dagger. You hadn’t really seen him in a while, and now, here he was, standing right behind you.

"Why are you here?" you asked, narrowing your eyes.

"Captain sent me to train you," he said matter-of-factly.

Your brow furrowed. "Train me for what?"

He just smirked and without another word, grabbed your hand and began dragging you toward the lower deck. You stumbled along behind him, still lethargic and bewildered. Light had just started filtering in as the ship neared the end of the cave, casting long shadows across the wooden floorboards.

When you finally came to a stop near one of the secluded corners of the main deck, it was in front of a large, leather-bound case, big enough to hold a person. You eyed it dubiously. "Are you trying to lock me up or something?"

He just gave you a big smile, showing off his teeth, offering no answer as he bent down and popped open the case. The lid creaked loudly, revealing an array of weapons—swords, daggers, even a few guns.

Your stomach dropped. "Wait—are you going to kill me? Captain Hongjoong said I was useful!" you shrieked, taking a step back.

The man laughed, his deep voice rumbling through the air. "Relax. I'm just teaching you some basic combat skills so you can defend yourself when we dock."

You blinked, incredulous. "What do you mean 'defend myself'? How dangerous can the people there be?"

He straightened up, closing the case for now, and turned to you with an amused smile. "Well, they’re not that dangerous, but captain's orders are captain's orders. Gotta do what I gotta do."

You groaned, realizing there was no way you were getting out of this. Maybe you should fake sickness. “And you’re the one teaching me? My head hasn’t even healed completely yet!” you argued, pouting angrily.

The man chuckled. He sure found this all amusing, “You’re safe for now, relax. My name is Mingi, by the way”

You rolled your eyes. “Alright, Mingi. Let’s get this over with.”

He clapped his hands together, eyes gleaming with enthusiasm. "That’s the spirit! Now, let’s start with something easy."

He pulled out a lightweight dagger and handed it to you, guiding your hand to grip it properly. As he began explaining how to hold and wield the weapon, you could feel the absolute absurdity of your situation. Just a day ago, you were quietly navigating maps and casually dodging storm flashes, and now you had to learn how to stab people—for your own protection, apparently.

Mingi’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. "Focus, or you might hurt yourself, before someone else can even try to" he said, his tone reprimanding but gentle. You nodded, trying to focus on his instructions.

As he moved behind you, adjusting your stance and positioning your hands, you realised that despite his intimidating size, Mingi wasn’t nearly as unnerving as you first thought. He was patient, explaining everything in detail and offering tips as you clumsily practised a few basic moves.

“Not bad,” Mingi said after a while, stepping back to observe your progress. “For a beginner, you’ve got decent instincts.”

Your ego swelled ever so slightly, at his words, though you were far from being a pro. “Thanks, I guess,” you said, slightly out of breath.

“Alright then, we’ll wrap it up for now. Captain doesn’t need you killing anyone yet,” he said with a wink, sheathing his own blade with ease.

You handed the dagger back to him, relieved to be done. “Well, that was… fun?”

Mingi just laughed again, leading you back toward the centre of the main deck. “You’ll thank me later. Trust me.”

The open sea was finally visible ahead, you had just passed the exit. Hongjoong still stood at the helm, a satisfied smile on his face, happy to be out of the claustrophobic cave.

You glanced at Mingi, who gave you a nod before heading off to god knows where. You took a deep breath, feeling both exhausted and relieved.

As you made your way back towards Captain Hongjoong, you spotted Seonghwa standing beside him, still as a statue. His sharp, delicate features made him look almost princely, if it weren’t for his hollowed cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes. You couldn’t help but wonder if they fed him enough—or, for that matter, if anyone on this ship had eaten at all. With everything that had happened, food had completely slipped your mind.

Reaching Hongjoong, you tapped him lightly on the shoulder. He turned to face you, his body language telling you he’s exhausted despite him trying not to show it al all.

“Hey, since we’re past the cave’s exit,” you said, quickly moving to the more important matters. “From here, we need to travel westward for about three hours, then head north once we pass the last island on the peninsula. It’ll take us approximately another day to reach the eastern ports.”

He nodded, looking less burdened as you spoke. “I see. Good work,” he said, pausing for a second efore continuing, “We need to discuss your role when we dock. We’re not exactly welcome there, if you catch my drift.” His lips managed to curl into a small smirk. “But there’s a man who’s willing to host us while we take care of some… business.”

“Is that the man you mentioned earlier?” you asked, curiosity piqued.

“No, it’s my—"

Before he could finish his sentence, your stomach growled loudly, cutting him off. Your eyes widened in mortification as you slapped a hand over your mouth, cheeks burning red with embarrassment. You hadn’t realized how hungry you actually were until this moment.

Hongjoong stared at you for a beat, and then, to your surprise, he burst into laughter. “You haven’t eaten in a while, have you?” he asked between breaths, his usual stoicism gone.

You shook your head, mumbling a quick “no” as you tried to disappear into the floor from sheer embarrassment.

“That’s okay,” he said, still chuckling. “You should head to the kitchens. We’ll discuss the plan when everyone’s together.” He turned to Seonghwa, who remained as still and composed as ever. “Seonghwa, show her the way. Make sure she doesn’t get lost—and for God’s sake, make sure you eat something, too.”

Seonghwa nodded, the corners of his lips twitching. He caught your gaze, and with a subtle gesture, indicated that you should follow him. Your face still burning, you gave Hongjoong a quick, flustered nod. “Thank you, Captain. Sorry ‘bout that,” you muttered before quickly following after Seonghwa.

Hongjoong waved you off, still chuckling. “Don’t worry about it. Get some food.”

As you walked through the dimly lit corridors with Seonghwa, the ship gently swayed in time with the waves, and you could still feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment. Seonghwa, of course, said nothing, his footsteps light and quiet as he led the way.

After a few minutes of walking in silence, you mustered up enough courage to speak. “So… do you actually eat?” you asked, chuckling awkwardly.

Seonghwa glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, his expression impassive. “On occasion,” he replied dryly.

You snorted, relieved that he had a sense of humor, however subtle. “Well, it didn’t seem like it. You look like you haven’t slept or eaten in days.”

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t reply, leading you down another set of stairs toward what appeared to be the ship’s galley. “There you go,” Seonghwa said, gesturing toward the entryway of the kitchen and dining hall. “Wooyoung should be around here somewhere. He usually handles the meals.”

Your eyes widened at the mention of Wooyoung. “Oh, interesting. Thanks, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa gave a short nod. “I’ll make sure to eat something too, later” he added, a hint of teasing in his tone before turning to leave.

“Wait—where are you going?” you asked, feeling a bit more comfortable around him now.

“To report back to the captain,” he replied, “and to rest. Unlike you, I haven’t gotten a break yet.”

You felt a bit guilty for holding him up, but you smiled weakly at his dry sense of humor anyway. “Alright, see you later.”

With that, Seonghwa disappeared into the shadows once again, leaving you to explore the galley in search of Wooyoung—and most importantly, food. You wandered further down the corridor, and soon, the delicious scent of something cooking hit your nose sharply. You nearly started drooling right there and then. The aroma was rich and savoury, with the perfect combination of spices, and it drew you in like a moth to a flame.

You groaned at the prospect of a filling meal. You followed the scent with your nose up in the air, your feet moving almost on autopilot as the hunger gnawed at your stomach. Soon enough, you found yourself standing in the large kitchen and dining area, which made sense considering there were about thirty crewmen aboard—not including the eight others. The kitchen was bustling, but what really caught your attention was Wooyoung, standing at the stove, cooking himself.

You weren’t entirely sure of what you had expected, but it definitely wasn’t this. When Seonghwa said Wooyoung handled the meals, you thought he meant something more along the lines of rationing supplies or managing food storage. Seeing him actually cooking made you slightly sceptical. The mischievous pirate who had spent most of his time getting under your skin was now handling sharp knives and hot pans—what could possibly go wrong?

Curiosity piqued, you walked closer, hovering around him until he noticed you, peeking over his shoulder as he tossed some spicy fried rice in a pan. Beside him, a separate dish sat covered on another stove, its contents a mystery for now. A few other crew members were busying themselves farther away, likely preparing more food for the rest of the ship.

“What are you doing?” Wooyoung asked, his focus still on the rice as he expertly tossed it in the pan.

“Oh, nothing… nothing,” you lied, stepping closer. “Just, you know, looking.”

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, smirking. “I didn’t know you could cook,” you said, surprised. “You don’t seem the type.”

“Is it really that surprising?” he whispered, turning his head slightly to catch your gaze. Amusement danced in his eyes as he added, “It makes me more attractive, don’t you think?” He shot you a quick wink.

A fiery blush rose to your cheeks at his words, your heart doing flips. Now that he mentioned it, you had to admit—Wooyoung did look rather appealing when he wasn’t actively trying to irritate you. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing the veins in his forearms, and the deft, precise way he handled the pan showcased a kind of skill that was hard not to admire.

“Shut up,” you muttered, your embarrassment growing. “How is that even relevant?”

Wooyoung’s laughter filled the kitchen, sounding more like a monkey than human. You scowled at him, crossing your arms in defiance.

“Besides,” you added offhandedly, trying to regain some composure, “how do I even know if it’s any good? I haven’t even tried any yet. You don’t have to be so overconfident.”

At that, Wooyoung’s playful expression fell away, replaced by a dead-serious look. His pride, especially when it came to his cooking, was not something to be trifled with.

“Sit,” he ordered, pointing toward a nearby table. “I’ll bring you some, and then you can give me your fair judgement.”

Sensing the sudden shift in his mood, you quickly obliged, taking a seat at the table. Maybe doubting Wooyoung’s culinary skills wasn’t the best idea. He disappeared briefly, then returned with two plates piled high with food. The steam rising from the dishes carried the tantalising aroma of spices and roasted meat, and your stomach grumbled in anticipation.

Wooyoung placed the plate in front of you, along with a set of cutlery, and stood back with his arms crossed, watching you intently. The spread before you was impressive: spicy fried rice, seasoned roasted potatoes, and fried chicken coated in a vibrant red sauce. Everything looked perfectly cooked, and the rich, savoury aroma made you feel heaven.

You hesitated for a moment, feeling the weight of Wooyoung’s expectant gaze. Then, slowly, you picked up your fork and took a bite of the rice and chicken. The moment the flavours hit your tongue, your eyes widened in disbelief. It wasn’t just good—it was abso-fucking-lutely divine. The heat from the spices was perfectly balanced with the richness of the sauce, and the fried rice had a satisfying crunch to it that elevated the entire dish.

You closed your eyes, savouring the taste as a pleased sigh escaped your lips. When you opened them again, Wooyoung was staring at you with a smug grin on his face.

“Well?” he asked, his tone dripping with self-satisfaction.

You couldn’t deny it. “This is amazing,” you admitted, shaking your head in disbelief. “I didn’t think anyone could cook this well on a ship.”

Wooyoung’s grin widened. “I told you I’m good, didn’t I?”

You rolled your eyes, but there was no hiding the smile that tugged at your lips. “Fine, you win this one. But don’t let it get to your head.”

He gave you a mock bow, clearly enjoying his little victory. “Too late.”

As you continued to eat, Wooyoung sat down across from you, digging into his own plate with the same enthusiasm. For a few moments, there was a comfortable silence as you both focused on the meal.

"So," he said after a while, "what do you think? Does it make me more attractive?"

You nearly choked on your rice, glaring at him as you swallowed. "You just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

His laugh once again filled your ears. How annoying you thought, smiling to yourself.

As you finished eating, more crewmen began to file into the dining hall, grabbing their own plates and piling on food. The atmosphere grew more lively, but you were already feeling sleepy, especially after the amazing food. After all, it had been a long couple of days.

You picked up your plate and made your way to the sink, leaving the dish with the growing pile of dirty ones. You felt a smidge of guilt for whoever had to wash them all, it wouldn’t be an easy task. As you turned to head back, you spotted Wooyoung also cleaning up his area, still looking refreshed and energetic despite the long day.

"Has the captain told you anything about what we're supposed to do when we dock?" you asked him, maybe he would have some answers.

Wooyoung shrugged, drying his hands on a towel. "He just said we’re meeting in the map room tonight. Only us, the others, and him. We’re not supposed to talk about it until the rest of the crew's out of earshot."

You raised an eyebrow. "Why all the secrecy? They're part of the crew, too."

A sly smile curled on his lips. “You’ve been with us for a few days now, but you’ll learn soon enough—not all crewmen can be trusted. There are always ears where you least expect them.” He winked before turning back to supervise the kitchen.

With a slight nod, you said your goodbyes to Wooyoung and left the kitchen, heading back to your room. His words stuck with you, though. What were they so cautious about? And why the distrust among their own crew? It felt odd, and your instincts kept raising red flags at whatever it was they had planned to do.

Once in your room, you shut the door and sat at the small desk by the window. It was the first quiet moment you’d had to yourself in days, and your mind began to churn with thoughts and questions. You reached for the loose paper you had been given, scribbling down whatever came to mind.

The first thing you had considered, when you’d first been taken aboard, was the idea of escaping, you had thought of nothing else. But now, after spending time with the crew, especially Hongjoong and the others, you knew better. These pirates weren’t ordinary men—they were highly skilled in what they did, and escaping was definitely out the window. You sighed, accepting that, for now, it was better to stay put and go along with whatever they asked of you than to waste energy on an escape plan that had no chance of success.

The second thing that nagged at you was their reputation. You had heard rumours about this crew before—they were renowned for doing certain unspeakable things, but so far, you hadn’t witnessed anything that aligned with those stories. In fact, they had been surprisingly kind to you, even if some of them, like Wooyoung, enjoyed teasing you, constantly. Despite all that, doubt lingered in the back of your mind. You had only been with them for three days, and for all you knew, they were just waiting for the right moment to take off their masks. You couldn’t shake the feeling that your usefulness to them had a limit—and when that limit was reached, what would they do with you?

Third, and perhaps most pressing, was the matter of what they intended to do when they docked. You didn’t know much, but from what Hongjoong had said, it was clear they weren’t exactly welcome in the town. What had they done to be so unwelcome? And what was the nature of the business they had to take care of? You couldn’t help but wonder if it involved something illegal—something you could easily get caught up in, and potentially ruin all progress you had made in life.

As you stared at the half-finished notes on the paper, and one random flower drawing, your thoughts spiralled further. There was a lot you didn’t know, and the more you learned about these pirates, the more questions seemed to pile up.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice how much time had passed. The sun had again been replaced by the moon high in the sky, its glow filtering through the small window of your cabin. Outside, the ship bustled with activity as the crew prepared to speed up the pace and retire for the night, now that they were out of the more precarious part of the waters.

You zoned out, meanwhile a cat had wandered into your room through the open door, its sleek body hopping onto your bed and making itself comfortable. It stretched out lazily, giving you a sideways glance before deciding it wasn't getting enough attention. With a graceful leap, it hopped up onto your desk, startling you out of your daydream. You blinked at the feline, and it blinked back at you, then let out a loud, insistent meow, demanding your attention.

Your hand slipped from where you had been propping up your head, and you stared at the cat in mild surprise. It was a beautiful Siamese with big, curious eyes that studied you closely before padding closer. It hopped down onto your lap, rubbing itself against you and purring softly. You couldn't help but laugh, the restlessness that had been building in your chest easing as you patted the cat’s soft fur.

"Where did you come from?" you murmured, scratching behind its ears as it leaned into your touch.

A few minutes later, a voice called out from the doorway. "There you are!"

You looked up to see a man standing there, his broad figure filling the doorway. He let out a sigh of relief upon seeing the cat, his expression softening as he stepped into the room. "I was looking everywhere for you. You can't just run off like that, you know?"

The cat, hearing its owner, perked up immediately and jumped out of your lap, sauntering back over to him. He scooped her up in his arms, and she looked impossibly tiny against his large frame. He nuzzled her affectionately before looking up at you with a smile that deepened the dimples in his cheeks.

"She doesn’t usually go up to strangers this easily," he said, clearly amused. "I think she likes you."

You couldn’t help but giggle at the thought. "Well, I like her too. She’s adorable."

You stood up and walked over to him, reaching out to stroke the cat’s fur again as she wiggled happily in his arms. "What’s her name?"

"This little one? Her name’s Byeol," he replied, his voice filled with affection as he looked down at her. "She’s my little star."

"That’s a perfect name for her," you mused, still petting Byeol. "But what about you? What’s your name? I asked you yesterday too, but you never answered."

The man’s smile grew wider, his dimples drawing you attention even more as his eyes turned into little crescents. "I’m Choi San!" he said with enthusiasm, his voice carrying a warmth that made you smile in return.

"Nice to finally make your acquaintance, Choi San," you said, watching him closely. It was hard to reconcile the image in front of you—this man with his soft smile, cradling a tiny cat—with all the tall tales you had heard about the pirates. He seemed so gentle, so full of joy. You couldn't help but wonder how someone like him could be a man who allegedly killed without remorse.

San noticed your thoughtful expression and tilted his head slightly, his smile never wavering. "What’s on your mind?" he asked.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to phrase your thoughts. "I guess... I just didn’t expect someone like you to be, well... a cat dad," you admitted, hoping your words didn’t come off as offensive.

San chuckled, the sound deep and rich. "Things aren't always what they seem, right?"

You nodded slowly, feeling a strange sense of calm in his presence. "Yeah, I guess not."

"Oh, by the way," San added with a playful grin, "the captain told me to come look for you. Said we have things to discuss."

"Ugh, finally," you groaned. "The fact that he dragged this out for so long has been eating away at my soul."

San laughed, the sound warm and so different from Wooyoung’s. Wait a minute why were you suddenly thinking of him, you were taken aback at your brain playing tricks like this. San beckoned you to follow him, and with Byeol nestled comfortably in his arms, you both made your way to the map room. The corridors of the ship were quieter now, the hustle of earlier fading as the rest of the crew settled into their rooms.

As you entered the map room, most of the others had already gathered. There was one unfamiliar face in the group, a man you hadn't seen since your first encounter with the crew. He sat in a corner, arms crossed and eyes distant, clearly uninterested in anything or anyone in the room. You wondered briefly who he was but decided not to question it.

You pulled up a chair and sat down, glancing at San, who was still holding Byeol. He gently released the cat from his arms, letting her roam freely around the room. Byeol wasted no time in greeting the others, nuzzling up to each of them, her little purrs filling the room.

From across the table, your eyes met Yeosang’s. He gave you a small wave, his smile as sweet and boyish as ever. You felt your cheeks flush with heat, and you waved back shyly. He chuckled softly at your reaction, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before turning back to Mingi beside him and continuing their conversation.

Just then, the door creaked open, and Captain Hongjoong strode in, his sheer presence silencing the room. As always, Seonghwa trailed close behind him, quietly locking the door after them.

"Alright," Hongjoong began, taking his place at the head of the table, his sunglasses perched on top of his head, stormy eyes looking at each face intensely. We’ve got a lot to cover, and not much time to do it."

You leaned forward slightly, eager to know what this urgent meeting was for. You still didn’t fully understand the task at hand, but the way Hongjoong and the others talked about it, it must be something very important.

"As I’m sure most of you are aware," Hongjoong continued, glancing around the room, "we’re heading into hostile territory. The port we’re docking at isn’t exactly a friendly place for us, or any pirate for that matter, but we have a contact there who’s willing to help us— you’ve all met him before, although our brand new navigator might come off as a surprise for him,”

He paused, letting his words settle over the room before continuing. “This heist might be our most important one yet, and we absolutely cannot afford any mistakes.”

His gaze shifted toward you, locking eyes in a way that made you want to run away. You felt a wave of anxiety wash over you—you were inexperienced, a liability among a group of seasoned pirates who had honed their skills over years of dangerous work. Sure, you could navigate and read maps, but when came the questions of combat and risky missions? You were out of your depth.

For a brief moment, you started spiraling into self-doubt, your mind racing with questions about your usefulness. What if you messed up? What if you put everyone in danger?

But Hongjoong’s voice broke through your anxious thoughts. “But this time,” he said, eyes gleaming with a spark of a plan, “we have someone who’d be great for going undercover. Our faces are already known, but I doubt anyone has seen our navigator before.” His words were pointed but not unkind. “Even if they have, they probably wouldn’t remember.”

Well, ouch, you thought to yourself, feeling a bit slighted by the implication. But before you could dwell on it, Hongjoong pressed on.

“Our target runs a popular saloon and inn uptown, which, of course, is funded by his illegal auction houses operating behind the government's back. Now I wouldn’t have cared about a lousy businessman like him at all but unfortunately, his activities have started to affect our business as well,” he said, his tone turning sharp. You didn’t even want to know what he meant by their business. “His lawyer is who we need. He holds all the evidence we require to shut that fat pig down once and for all.”

The room was silent, as if each of the men were absorbing what Hongjoong was saying. You could see the intensity in their faces as they nodded in understanding.

“We’ll reach the port by noon tomorrow, and our work begins immediately. We shall leave the town as soon as we’ve completed the mission,” Hongjoong continued. “Pack light and only the essentials. The ship will be docked elsewhere to avoid drawing attention to our presence. Questions?”

You hesitated for a moment, then raised your hand timidly. “Umm… what exactly do I have to do?”

Hongjoong’s eyes flickered back to you, his expression softening slightly. “I’m getting to that,” he replied. “Once we’ve reached our accommodation, the first to depart will be our navigator…”

He trailed off, his face going blank for a moment as if he’d just remembered something important. “Wait… I never asked for your name.

The room fell into an awkward silence as Hongjoong’s flustered expression mirrored the confusion in the room. You blinked in surprise. Hongjoong had just come to the realisation that after nearly four days of you being on this ship, none of them had ever confirmed who you were. What if they’d picked up the wrong person?

“Oh… right,” you stammered, feeling your face heat up. “My name’s Aurora.”

Hongjoong nodded, casting a quick glance toward Seonghwa, who hadn’t shown a single flicker of emotion since the meeting began. It was like they were communicating with their eyes.

“Whoa, I can’t believe we forgot that!” Wooyoung exclaimed, slapping his hand to his forehead in disbelief, earning a few deflated murmurs in agreement from the others. Even San was shaking his head, feeling a little disappointed that they had missed such an important detail.

Hongjoong shook his head, visibly trying to shake off his little glitch before returning to business. “Anyway, Aurora will be the first to move,” he explained, focusing back on the task. “Your job is simple: go up to the saloon building and introduce yourself as a collector of rare navigation instruments. I assume that won’t be too hard for you?”

You nodded quickly, trying to ignore the nerves building in your stomach. “I can do it,” you said, your voice louder than you expected.

Hongjoong gave you a curt nod, his eyes briefly meeting yours as if searching for a hint of doubt. He shifted slightly, and pursed his lips in thought. "You’ll reserve a room for two," he continued, "and during your conversations, ask the host for places where you can buy such instruments. Make it clear you’re looking for something underground since a collector like yourself would prefer to avoid the rare items acquisition tax. Slip him a few bills, and he’ll be more than happy to point you towards the auction house."

You took note of his instructions, feeling a little excited at the thought of going undercover. It was the first time you had done something like this, maybe it won’t be as life threatening as it sounded.

Hongjoong took a deep breath before continuing. "San will accompany you," he said, glancing toward the man, "since he’s the only other face that people around here don’t know much of."

You looked at San, who met your gaze and gave you a playful wink. His presence, there with you, was a little reassuring, in a way—having someone you were comfortable with might help ease the tension.

"After you’ve found out the location of the auction house," Hongjoong said, his tone darkening, "this is where the difficult part begins. From what my sources tell me, the lawyer lives in a permanently reserved room in the saloon building. He operates from there, running the auction house's legal affairs. As night falls, you two will need to find him and make sure he doesn’t go anywhere—quietly." His eyes shifted between you and San.

You swallowed nervously. "What happens once we have him?" you asked, your voice an unintended whisper.

"Once we have him with no alarms raised, the job becomes a little easier," Hongjoong replied. His eyes glinted, a smirk playing on his lips. "He has a liability we can exploit, something that’ll make our interrogation a lot smoother. We’ll use it to extract what we need."

You nodded, though there was something dark in his words. This lawyer wasn’t exactly innocent, you knew that, but you couldn’t help feeling some pity for him. Whatever Hongjoong had planned, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

"As for the others," Hongjoong continued, turning to the rest of the crew, "Wooyoung and Yeosang will tail the man during the day. Keep track of his movements and note where he goes. Jongho, take Yunho and Mingi to restock the ship’s supplies while you’re in port."

The crew nodded in understanding, their expressions set in determination. Hongjoong’s grin widened, clearly pleased with how things were falling into place.

"We’ll reconvene at night to move the lawyer from the inn to our accommodation. I’ll have a room ready for him." He held a cheshire grin on his face, and you shuddered at the thought of what might await the poor man.

“Once we have the evidence, we can anonymously turn it over to the authorities and get what we need in return. All clear?"

A chorus of "Yes, Captain" and "Aye, Captain" echoed in the room, the crew eager to carry out their roles.

"Good," Hongjoong said, satisfied. "You’re all dismissed until we dock." He paused, glancing in your direction. "Mingi, I need you to continue training Aurora in defense. San, you’ll be teaching her hand-to-hand combat as well."

"Sure, Captain," Mingi replied, turning to you with a friendly smile. "Take good rest, Ms. Navigator. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

You returned his smile, feeling a mixture of exhaustion and anticipation. As everyone dispersed, you couldn’t help but feel the weight of what was to come—the danger, the deception, and the responsibility that had unexpectedly fallen onto your shoulders.

San caught your eye one last time, giving you a nod as if to say, You’ve got this.

And even though you weren’t entirely sure if you have it, you nodded back, determined to see it through.

However, as you left the meeting and wandered back toward your room, exhaustion hit you like a wave. You were so ready to sleep again—you had barely gotten any proper rest, this job was much more demanding and taxing than the usual small ones you took up on for merchants.

You missed your parents. A pang of longing shot through you as you thought about them, wondering when, or if, you’d ever see them again. It had been years since they were sent on their own assignment, and there had been no word from them since. You missed being a whole family—you missed bickering with your younger brother, it must be around the time for his final examinations. You hoped he was doing well with his and not causing the school trouble as he often did.

As you wandered back to your room you let yourself be consumed by the overwhelming thoughts, all the deep emotions you had put away, tears fell from your eyes, marking dark spots on your shirt and leaving your vision blurry. You held on the handle of the door of your room, grip tightening as you found it difficult to open it and face loneliness again.

However terrible these pirates were, they lived life as it was intended and they were so carefree while you were just existing for now. The splotches on your shirt grew, you let out a bitter laugh wondering why your mood shifted so suddenly. Little whimpers and sobs escape your lips, then you felt warmth after the coldness of the tears.

Just as your grip on the door handle tightened, a pair of warm, calloused hands cupped your face, gently swiping away the tears. Startled, you blinked up through your blurry vision and found yourself face to face with a concerned Yunho. His gaze held a desperation to comfort you, something that felt of place on a supposedly ruthless pirate.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

Snapping out of it, you pulled your face away, taking your hand off the door handle, wiping at your eyes, rubbing them red. Yunho moved his hands trying to get yours away from your face before you could hurt yourself. You sniffled trying to calm yourself and put on a weak smile, “It’s nothing, just feeling a little overwhelmed…. that’s all,” your words did not convince Yunho.

He wasn’t good with people, you couldn’t pick them apart like machine to understand how they worked. You had to be careful and sensitive. Yunho didn’t like the way your face showed nothing but pain. He signed not knowing how to reply, “Can i show you a place, i think you’ll like it right now,” he looked at his feet, his hands fiddling with the edge of his shirt, “going there helps me too,”

You hesitated, the idea of being this vulnerable in front of a pirate didn’t please you, but you agreed nonetheless, "Okay," you whispered. "I trust you."

Yunho lightened up a little at your words, and he gently took your hand, leading you up toward the poop deck. You followed him around the mizzen mast until he stopped in front of a trapdoor. Without saying much, Yunho unlatched the trapdoor, you don’t know how, since it had seemed to be sealed shut with metal but you didn’t think much of it. He jumped down first, holding out his arms to help you down.

The passage was narrow and dimly lit, with small fixtures glowing faintly. Yunho’s head nearly touched the low ceiling, and the space felt tight. He closed the trapdoor behind you with a small whizz, and you continued down the corridor until he stopped in front of an unseemly wooden door.

"I’ve only shown this to the other guys," Yunho explained quietly. "But now, you too. No one else knows about this. It’s special to me." He glanced at you before continuing, "We’re right under your room and the captain’s. No one can hear me down here, but I can hear everything."

He opened the door, and the creak echoed through the small space. You hesitated for a second before stepping inside. At first, it was pitch black. You could hear soft clicks and whirrs, and then, all of a sudden, there was a sliver of moonlight creeping in from above. The light grew, revealing an open room, one wall slowly rising to reveal the vast, open sea.

The stars sparkled over the water, the moon casting a glow across the room. The sounds stopped, you felt yunho walk around the room, and all of a sudden there was a burst of light in the room, much more intense than the moonlight, you looked around there were no torches no fixtures just an open room with one wall lined with shelves upon shelves of books, a mattress big enough to fit ten people, folded up towards the other wall and then of course the newly revealed balcony.

"How is it?" Yunho asked softly, his eyes watching your reaction.

"It’s so... wow," you breathed, your earlier worries momentarily forgotten. "This is amazing."

Yunho chuckled softly, walking toward the folded mattress and sitting down, patting the space next to him. "I designed this all by myself. It was my first real project when I got a hold over my abilities," he said, pride lacing his voice.

You smiled and walked over to join him. Sitting down on the mattress, you let the calming sounds of the ocean fill the silence. For the first time in days, you felt a sense of peace. Although that was not all, Yunho seemed to have one more surprise in store for you. He stood up and walked over to the bookshelf, flicking a switch you hadn’t noticed before.

Suddenly, the ground beneath you began to shift. The balcony extended outward, nearly doubling the space of the room. You gasped in awe as the floor moved, the motion smooth but stopping with a gentle jolt. The room now opened even further toward the endless ocean, giving you an unobstructed view of the night sky, its stars shimmering more vividly than ever.

Yunho returned, settling down beside you on the large mattress again. “Lie down,” he said softly, putting his arms behind his head as a makeshift pillow.

You hesitated for a second before lying back and copying him, your gaze immediately drawn to the open sky. The stars twinkled like diamonds scattered across the dark canvas, the crescent moon glowing softly in the distance. You took a deep breath, feeling the cool night breeze brush against your skin, carrying with it the smell of the sea.

You turned your head slightly, your eyes catching Yunho’s. His eyes twinkled like the stars too, he had a contented smile on his face, you smiled too and turned back enjoying the calm. Time felt like it had stopped.

The sound of the waves gently lapping against the ship, the light breeze, and the soft hum of the world around you, gave you suck comfort. You didn’t know when it happened, but eventually, you drifted off to dreamless sleep, the stars overhead keeping you company.

Comment under masterlist to be added to taglist

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE MEMBERS OF ATEEZ IN REAL LIFE PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

Taglist: @yandere-stories @passionandsuga @beabatiny @sadtoru @pixie0627 @nagynomi98 @bunnychui @nuggiesnuggetdog04

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mazeinthemiroh · 1 year ago

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keeping warm.

genre: drabble; fluff

warnings: none

requested?: yes

synopsis: you and mingi go on a walk in the forest 🍁

please like and reblog if you enjoy <3

"Are you warm enough?"

He had asked you this multiple times, his fingerless-gloved hand holding your bare ones. Both your arms swayed slightly as you walked further into the forest, and your fingers stayed connected.

"Yes, Mingi," you giggled at his repetitive question. He was being very sweet today. Making sure you were all warm, wrapped up cosy with a big scarf on. He offered you his gloves but you said you were finally. You would settle for holding his hand instead, which sat warmly in yours.

"Mingi..." you started, a quizzical look on your face as you looked at the two paths ahead of you.

You were both faced with signs that you hadn't seen before. Signs which pointed different ways, telling you different locations. But where were you going...

"As we lost?" You questioned, releasing his hand and walking up to the wooden sign to have a closer look at the directions.

"No," Mingi automatically said, his stubbornness spiking free before he could even take in his new surroundings.

But his new surroundings weren't really 'new.' Everywhere in this damn forest looked the same. No landmarks, no fields, no benches. Nothing but mud and trees and leaves scattered all around.

"No, we're not lost," Mingi decided again, walking up to the sign that you were staring at, "we're exploring."

You snorted at his statement, "Okay, Dora the Explorer."

Despite your humour, you were a bit unsettled by the fact that you and your boyfriend were stuck, in the middle of nowhere, both of you hopeless with directions.

"Come on, this way," he grabbed your hand again in his, tugging you along with him down a path which led to who knows where.

You found yourself following him instead of protesting. It was easier that way.

Besides, it felt nice to have his warm hands back in yours.

ateez taglist: @a-wandering-stay, @xlovehwa, @yeosangsbiceps, @anyamaris, @acciocriativity, @hawaiian-angel, @toolovelyforyou (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

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sxcret-garden · 25 days ago

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Ateez Reaction ღ Their s/o experiences verbal shutdowns

ღ Ateez all members x gn!reader ღ words: ~200 per member ღ genre & warnings: reaction, comfort, a hint of angst but everything turns out well ღ reader: no descriptions of reader’s anatomy, no pronouns used

a/n: I'm not 100% satisfied with how these turned out, but I wanted to post them anyway, in hopes they'll be a comfort to some^^

Hongjoong:

he’s a little confused to say the least when one day you decide to tell him about your verbal shutdowns

he’s never actually heard that there’s a term for this, neither has he considered this as something that simply happens to some people and isn’t something that can really be overcome

so after the initial shock he decides to just listen to what you have to say first of all, wanting you to explain it in as much detail as possible so he could understand

and you’re mostly telling him this so he won’t worry too much and know what’s going on when it inevitably happens in front of him for the first time

so when he asks about how to help you in such a situation, you’re caught off guard

he makes it clear that he really wants to support you, but since he’s never experienced this himself, he wouldn’t know how to do that intuitively

and when you stumble over your words trying to come up with an answer, he ends up chuckling at you being so flustered all of a sudden

“It’s okay, we can take this slow.” - he reassures you

once you’re calm and collected again, he listens intently, and in case you’re not actually sure what would help you the most during a verbal shutdown, he also offers to do some research with you and help you figure that out

Seonghwa:

listens very intently when you tell him about this, and also takes you very seriously

he’s curious to know everything about your verbal shutdowns and how to help you whenever you experience one, but he also doesn’t want to overwhelm you with questions

so after the initial conversation about it, he makes sure to do a lot of research, looking up other people’s experiences, tips, etc…

he wouldn’t forgive himself for accidentally saying or doing the wrong thing and making matters worse, so he’s very dedicated to learning whatever he can about this

and he will be so supportive, suggesting using communication cards, or some kind of signal only the two of you know about for when you lose the ability to speak temporarily

and once it does happen, he proves just how well he researched the whole topic, because he’s quick to understand what’s going on, and he doesn’t pressure you to speak in any way

instead he leads you somewhere where you can recollect yourself, and he gives you the space you need to feel comfortable and safe with him

Yunho:

gets so worried the first time you have a verbal shutdown in front of him

you were mid-conversation about a bit of a difficult topic, and suddenly you go completely quiet, so he immediately figures something must be wrong

“Y/N? Are you okay?” he calls out to you, but you can’t react, because you don’t even know whether you should nod or shake your head

he comes closer and carefully reaches out to you, resting his hand on your upper arm as he observes you closely with furrowed brows and helplessness reflecting in his eyes

“Did I say something wrong?” he throws another question at you, and this time you manage to shake your head

and thankfully he decides to just wait it out and stay right by your side for now, because after a few minutes of racing thoughts you finally succeed in conveying to him that you can’t talk right now

tells you it’s okay and that it’s enough if you just nod or shake your head, before offering you a hug which you gladly accept

once your speech has returned to you and you explain to him what exactly happened, he will listen intently and make sure to ask about how you want him to act if it happens again, so that he can properly help you through this

Yeosang:

he gets so worried the first time you have a verbal shutdown in front of him that he doesn’t know what to do

he tends to struggle with figuring out how to deal with unexpected situations like this too, and especially when it’s about seeing a person he cares about suffer while not knowing how to help, he just panics internally

manages to stay calm on the outside though, and once some time has passed he will definitely ask you about this, because this guy will literally be unable to relax until he knows how to deal with such a situation

and when you explain to him that sometimes you simply can’t speak no matter how hard you try, everything clicks in his head

“Oh my god… I thought I said something wrong and upset you…”

now that he knows what’s going on he’s relieved

and he’ll feel even more at ease when you tell him what you want him to do (or don’t want him to do) in a situation like this

but even if you haven’t fully figured out yet what helps, he’ll be more than happy to try anything you suggest

though he will still worry, but at least like this he won’t freeze up anymore and can actually support you!

San:

another one who’s worried sick when he first witnesses you in a verbal shutdown

a thousand thoughts are racing through his mind at once when you suddenly stop answering upon him asking you a bit of a sensitive question

he’ll immediately think it’s all his fault and that he has accidentally hurt you deeply, and seeing the guilt on his face is eating away at you, especially because you currently lack the ability to explain yourself

so you do the only thing that feels possible right now, and you shake your head vigorously as tears of helplessness well up in your eyes

and that’s when he decides that comforting you should be the top priority right now

so he offers you a hug, and when you accept it right away, he’s a little relieved

“It’s okay…” he whispers close to your ear, “You’re okay, I’m here.”

will sit you down somewhere comfortable, get you a glass of water, and stay by your side for however long it takes you to get out words again

and even if you haven’t spoken after a while, he’ll eventually figure it might help to also get you a pen and paper, in case writing down your thoughts is something that’s possible for you in that moment

Mingi:

he isn’t looking at you as you’re talking to each other, facing away from you and having most of his attention on his phone - or so you think

because when he brings up something that causes you to shut down and become unable to talk, it takes him mere seconds to realize something’s off

turns his head to find you staring at him, completely frozen up and struggling with all the words circulating in your head that just won’t come out

instead you begin tearing up because you hate that this had to happen now and at the same time you feel guilty about it

you watch as Mingi gets up slowly and approaches you

“Y/N…?” he quietly calls out to you, the worried expression on his face only causing you to feel worse

however, this guy isn’t stupid, and he’s seen this happen before

and although he didn’t understand what was going on the first time, he’s starting to get it now

“Can’t say it?” he assumes and you nod, still fighting your tears

“That’s okay… I’ll just stay here until you can.”

stays beside you and eventually starts rambling about how he understands that sometimes words can be hard and it can happen

and just listening to his voice like this eventually helps you feel at ease, until eventually you manage to speak again, thanking him for being by your side

Wooyoung:

this guy here does not understand what a verbal shutdown means when you first explain it to him

“Huh? If you have something to say… just say it?”

he feels it's best to encourage you to get over whatever's stopping you so you could talk anyway - which is less than helpful to you, knowing it doesn't work like that

so when you lose your ability to speak when you're out with him and some friends upon him asking you just the wrong question, you get anxious about how he would react

however, as soon as he sees the panicked look on your face and realizes that you really can't say anything, even after he repeats his question, he begins to understand

excuses himself and you and then takes you away to a quiet place where you two can be alone

offers you a hug and when he sees you nod he holds you tight, not letting go of you until a quiet "thanks" slips from your lips

needless to be said, now that he's starting to get what's going on, he is very curious to know more about it, and how to best support you during a verbal shutdown

Jongho:

when you’re in the middle of an important conversation and you suddenly stop replying, his first reaction is confusion

he can feel himself getting frustrated with you, because you were talking about a topic he feels the pressing need to get answers to, but when your reaction to seeing the hint of anger on his face is to take a step back to get further away from him, it starts to dawn on him that your silence is probably not about him at all

calls out your name in an attempt to appease you, and when his expression softens, some of the tension leaves your shoulders

still, you can’t talk

so you stand there in silence for a while, with you unable to look at him, so what you don’t notice is that in his head he’s going through all the different ways to handle this situation, trying to figure out how to help you

in the end he simply pulls out his phone, opens the notes app, and holds it out to you

“Maybe you can type it out…?” he suggests, and when you realize that he’s not mad at you or disappointed, tears start welling up in your eyes

“Oh my…”

offers you a hug with open arms, and when you close the distance between you to accept it and to bury your face in his chest, he makes sure to comfort you first and foremost as he pats your head and holds you close

#ateez reactions #ateez comfort #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x gn reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #comfort #fluff #reaction

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starry-nights-garden · 1 year ago

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Ateez Reaction ✧ When their s/o struggles with physical affection

✧ Ateez all members x gn!reader ✧ genre: fluff, reaction, a bit of comfort? (reader doesn't dislike physical affection but feels awkward about it/isn't used to it) ✧ warnings: none

Hongjoong:

will share touches with his partner naturally once you start dating, and he'll also be very quick to realize something's off about the way you receive them

doesn't think much of it when you don't really initiate any physical affection at first, after all you might just be shy or prefer your partner to make the first step and he's fine with that

but when you hesitate to hug him back or you let your hand slip out of his hold the first chance you get, he starts becoming suspicious

"Is something up?" he'll simply question you when you avoid his touch again, not liking the current potential for conflict at all

so in case you try to brush it off at first, he'll make sure to ask again, because communicating things like this openly is very important to him

when you do end up telling him that physical affection makes you feel uncomfortable because you're not used to it, he understands and immediately apologizes

will ask what you need of him for a chance to get used to it so you can enjoy it when you share touches, and he'll do exactly what you tell him to

if you need him to go slow, he will, if you need him to warn you in advance, he'll do that, if you tell him he should keep things as they are and you'll get used to it eventually, he will wait patiently for that moment

the most important thing for him is that you're comfortable, so whatever he can do to ensure that, he will!

Seonghwa:

he's definitely not one to overwhelm his partner with physical affection and tends to be careful with initiating it, especially if you haven't been dating for long

however, when even that seems like it's too much for you, he starts feeling a bit lost

becomes awkward around you, and when you notice the way he always holds himself back last moment whenever he mindlessly goes in to take your hand or to put his arm around you, you begin feeling bad for him

so eventually you just tell him that it's not like you hate being touched, you just don't know how to react and aren't used to it

there's both surprise and relief in his expression after hearing your explanation

"Then should I ask before trying to touch you?" - he wonders out loud and so that's what you agree on

and sure enough, him being careful makes you feel at ease, and you slowly get used to what it's like to hug him, to hold his hand, etc...

until you too start initiating physical touches, and this guy finds himself overjoyed whenever you approach him even just for a simple hug

Yunho:

he's only shy about touching you at the beginning of the relationship, and seeing you being even more shy about it gives him a lot of confidence actually

that's until the first time you instinctively duck away when he's showering you in just a bit too much physical affection

he questions it immediately and asks if he did something wrong, and when you're not sure how to reply he becomes very serious

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

makes you sit down with him because this is very important to him, and he doesn't ever want to hurt you

when you tell him that physical affection can feel overwhelming to you, he tries his best to understand and asks you some more questions to try to figure out where exactly your limits are

will be careful about how and where he touches you from now on, but at the same time he'll do it in a way that still feels natural, and not like he's forcing himself to act differently

once he notices you becoming more comfortable with his touches, he'll initiate them more often, and when you're the one to approach him for a hug or a kiss, he'll be both happy and flustered about it

sure enough you're soon more than okay with sharing touches with him, and even if at some point things get too much for you again, you simply have to tell him no and he'll give you space right away

Yeosang:

he's awkward about physical affection as well, so he actually understands you quite well

to be honest he's thankful that you're not immediately all over him, because he needs a lot of time to adjust to people and to become comfortable enough to share loving touches

so while it might feel a little awkward, getting closer physically in tiny steps feels just right to the both of you

and because you're both taking your time with it, holding hands, brushing a strand of hair out of the other's face, or one leaning their head onto the other's shoulder will soon feel just natural to you

you do tell him at some point that you're usually not big on physical affection, but somehow with him everything feels right, and that's one of the moments he realizes just how much he loves and trusts you

this will end up in a kiss, maybe even your first, and even in the way he kisses you you can feel a slight hesitation quickly turning into him comfortably conveying his feelings to you

San:

it's not that he can't understand how you feel, but he'll also inevitably sulk at least a little bit about it

he'll quickly pick up on your discomfort whenever he tries to hug you with a bit too much excitement or when you get overwhelmed by the passion he pours into his kisses

and he just can't but think that it's personal, and you act like that because you're not as in love with him as he is with you

but he's also San, meaning he really can't hide his feelings for shit, so he'll end up blurting out how he feels only the next day or so

he needs you to honestly tell him that you're simply a bit uncomfortable with and not used to physical affection, and then his mood will immediately change

apologizes about a hundred times for unknowingly making you uncomfortable, and will be very careful from now on

makes it a habit to ask every single time before he touches you, even when he can barely contain his own feelings for you he'll calm down as much as he can first and ask if it's okay to touch you

and soon you feel that him giving you the space to say yes or no and the time to prepare yourself for a hug or a kiss or whatever, actually helps you gradually come to enjoy sharing touches with him

Mingi:

very unsure what to do with this situation

he thinks you don't like physical affection since you never initiate it and when he does, you always seem uncomfortable

eventually starts wondering if maybe your feelings for him aren't that strong after all and that's why you don't want him to touch you?

but then again you always return his kisses, and when you're spending time together he undeniably feels loved

he figures that maybe there's a different reason to it, and he'll simply ask you about it

feeling embarrassed and somewhat guilty, you tell him that you're simply not used to physical affection and so it feels weird to you, but it's not that you don't want to share touches with him

so what he does is offer you a hug, spreading his arms apart and giving you an encouraging smile, waiting patiently for you to accept his offer

gives you time to relax in a gentle embrace, and helps you get used to the feeling by carefully offering you more hugs or his hand to hold from time to time from now on

Wooyoung:

he's not one to hesitate when it comes to physical affection and he actually thinks it's cute how flustered you get everytime he traps you in a bear hug, pulls you close, kisses you out of nowhere, etc...

however, it won't take long for him to realize that you're not just flustered, you're actually also uncomfortable, and that's when he very quickly tones it down a few notches

will confront you about it and tell you that you should've told him to stop whenever he did something you didn't like (he might actually sound angry in the moment, but that's only because he's so worried he might've actually hurt you)

when you eventually explain to him that you're just very awkward about physical affection and he was going a bit too fast for you, he'll be relieved for the most part

can't resist teasing you about it in the future and pushing your limits just a bit, but overall he'll be careful and he'll do exactly what you tell him you need in order to become more comfortable

soon, you'll find yourself being more than okay with being touched by him and even initiating a hug yourself, and as soon as he senses you're okay with it, he's going to be all over you

Jongho:

another one who's quick to catch onto what's going on when you avoid his touches or you don't return them

he's not the biggest fan of physical affection either so he gets you, and he can mostly do without it if you really hate it that much, though there are moments where he'd really want to hold your hand or put his arm around you but he doesn't, so as not to make you even more uncomfortable

he will eventually bring it up to you if you don't speak up about it first, because he wants to understand exactly why you feel uncomfortable with him touching you

so when you tell him that you're simply awkward about it and don't know how to go about physical affection, he's pleasantly surprised

"So... you don't hate it?"

and so he'll start trying out all kinds of small touches (after giving you subtle warnings so you can prepare yourself) in order to figure out what's okay with you and what isn't, and also to show you you don't have to feel awkward about it at all

and sure enough over time that'll help you get used to it, until touches shared between you two simply come natural and don't feel weird anymore

#ateez fluff #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x reader #ateez comfort #ateez fic #hongjoong fluff #seonghwa fluff #yunho fluff #yeosang fluff #san fluff #mingi fluff #wooyoung fluff #jongho fluff #fluff #reaction #comfort

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hwaseonghwasworld · 6 months ago

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ATEEZ reaction to you shedding your skin

Request from: @yasmin-choi

Hongjoong

You had the camera ready and set, he walked in seeing you peeling something off, he stepped closer and sees it and jumps in shock “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” you look over at him with a straight face “it’s my monthly peel” “THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN” you kept trying to compose yourself every time he reacted “every month i have to shed my skin, it’s like the first layer” he just in utter shock seeing you peel your skin, you were giggling as you finally confessed “baby I’m just joking it’s a peel off mask” the whole time you were creasing thinking about his reactions.

Seonghwa

You put the peel off mask on your face chest and arms, you were doing a video talking about you having your ‘monthly shed’, seonghwa slowly walks in seeing you peel your skin and he steps closer to you not knowing what to do or say, his mouth hung open, you look over at him as you peel it off “can you hold this please?” You had apart of your ‘skin’ in your hand wanting him to hold it, he steps back still keeping quiet as he just watches you.

Yunho

He walked in on you in the bathroom as you prank him “what are you doing?” I look over at him as I peel it off “my skin is shedding” he looks genuinely interested but also I concerned “why is it doing that?” I look at him with a straight face “it happens every month” he walks closer to you “does it hurt?” I look over at him and I giggle seeing how interested he is with it “no it doesn’t, it’s like dead skin” I say ad I was trynna come up with a lie “oh okay… do you want me to help?”

Yeosang

“Alright guys so unfortunately it’s my monthly shed” He walks pass you as you explain to the camera about your ‘monthly shedding’ he looks over at you after you say the last word “what is on your face…” he walks up to you and looks closer “it’s my monthly shedding” “is that skin?!!” He puts his hand on your face and immediately took it off making you laugh.

San

San walks in and sees you peeling your skin he starts screaming for you acting like he’s the one in pain “what are you doing!” I look over at him still peeling the skin “why are you peeling your skin off!?” “It’s my monthly shed” he repeats what I said still lost and scared for me “yeah I do this every month” “like a SNAKE?!” I look over at him and tilt my head looking at him like ‘are you serious’ “you girls do this every month?!” I nod and he just watches the scared while I peel my skin.

Mingi

He walked in on you taking a peel off mask and looks at you confused “what are you doing?” He looked at you in utter shock, so you decided to prank him “it’s my shedding day” he got scared and walked closer to you “HUH?! ONLY REPTILES SHED” you giggle and look at him “no it happens right after my period” he looked concerned for you “does it hurt? Does it happen to all girls” I smile finding this funny “yeah, some girls get it on their arms and legs too but I only get it on my face, it’s like a new skin.”

Wooyoung

You were both in the car and you had your phone set, he walked in and you peaked the peel off Mask off of your face making it look like you were peeling your skin off, you even put some foundation on it to make it look like real skin, as soon as he walked in he almost fell out of the car “BAE WHAT ARE YOU DOING” “it’s my monthly shedding” he starts shuddering not knowing what to say “W-W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN MONTHY SHEDDING YOU DONT DO THIS” I look at him holding in my laughter, composing myself “don’t act like you don’t know, I do this once a month” “SO YOU’RE A REPTILIAN” I look over at him “are you gonna help me or….” “NO”

Jongho

You were in the bathroom and he walks past you and watched you peel your skin off “is that your skin?” You nod and carry on peeling, he just watched you the whole time smiling but in a disgusted smiley look, you turn over to him and smile “don’t snakes shed their skin?” “Yeah, why?” “Does that make you a snake?” I glare at him and hit his arm and he just laughs and walks away, that’s how you knew for sure that he didn’t fall for the prank.

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jjbalice · 4 months ago

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Martyr's Folly

Summary: Yunho helps and comforts the reader after they've accidentally cut too deep.

Genre: a hurt/comfort Yunho x reader oneshot

Word count: 4.81k (15-20 mins)

Trigger warnings: semi-descriptive self-harm (blood, cuts, use of blades - nothing too crazy, though, don't worry!), panicking, crying, mentions of relapsing, lots of pet names, nicknames, and physical affection lol, Yunho is a blessing

A/N: This fic is pretty personal since I've been struggling with not feeling valid enough because of the way I SH, which isn't the stereotypical kind you see in movies and such. In a way, it's an attempt at scaring myself from buying any actual blades mixed in with the comfort I crave whenever I slip up, I guess.

Baby cuts. Cat scratches. Damage dealt within the epidermis and the higher half of the dermis. Whatever you want to call it.

For a few weeks now, that's exactly what has been slowly but steadily appearing on your feet and lower calves. Or re-appearing, rather. A bad habit from the past coming back to haunt you all over again for no apparent reason.

No but seriously, what reason for doing this is there? You're happy, you have a stable part-time job on the side of your studies that are also going great, and an incredible boyfriend with whom you've just celebrated a 6-month anniversary. No real issues in your life as far as you can see.

Sure, sometimes you get caught up in a fight with your friends or parents, or even with Yunho, or maybe some of your insecurities hit extra strong on some days. But all of that is normal, right? Just some passing obstacles that get resolved in a few days tops.

So why are you here, at 3 am, staring at the husk of a person in the mirror? Why is your head so empty yet incomprehensibly full at the same time? Why are your hands all fidgety, getting ready to strike any moment?

Truth be told, you have no clue.

This was supposed to be a lovely weekend for you. You got off work early on Friday, securing enough time to pack your stuff at your dorm before heading to Yunho's apartment for a sleepover. He's been trying to convince you to move in with him after your anniversary, saying how it would be both cheaper and closer to your university. Both of those arguments are true, and yet you remain stubborn, wanting to keep your independence for just a bit longer.

Alas, Yunho has no choice but to respect your decision and settle for weekend sleepovers in the meantime.

And even those are great! The two of you get to talk for hours and play games, cook dinner together or order in and watch TV... Mainly, though, you get to cuddle and snuggle to your hearts' content (and maybe even do a bit more than that, if the opportunity and want arises).

That's also one of the main reasons for your hesitance over this whole... relapse thing.

Because of Yunho and his affectionate nature towards you, hiding the traces of your renewed habits became much more difficult. You couldn't cut where you used to before, all of those areas feeling way too exposed now.

And so, you settled on the bottom of your legs. Anything a pair of longer socks could easily hide without too much questioning from your boyfriend. Let's just say your feet are cold all the time now, even though summer's just barely starting to end.

Is it satisfying to harm there? No, not at all. The area is too small and angular, and the pain-to-mark ratio is nowhere near optimal. Everything feels too bony and stings more than other places, and all you get from it are the faintest of scratches.

But anything to at least partially quell the urge, right?

Well, not exactly.

If the razor blade hidden within the confines of your duffel bag was any proof, your methods weren't exactly effective.

You've never used an actual razor blade before, never even planned on trying it since you knew about the dangers of using it and how everything could get out of hand within seconds. Sure, the scissors and other sharp objects you've used until now weren't exactly perfect either, but they didn't put you at as much of a risk of going to the ER.

...So why did you buy the blade then?

Well, it was pretty cheap, first of all. You could just buy it, think about using it, and then throw it out without feeling too guilty about it, right? Not to mention how it helped you feel more valid about harming, even if you haven't used it yet. Self-harm is always depicted as razor blades on wrists, so even just owning one somehow helped you feel a bit more valid amidst the disappointing scratches on your leg.

It's been a week since you've bought said blade (or 5 blades rather, as they came in a pack - what a steal!). During that week, not much has happened to it. Right after you paid and got your receipt, you tossed the paper into a nearby trash can and stashed the pack of blades into your wallet. And there they were even later tonight, as you quietly crept to your bag to retrieve them, careful not to wake Yunho up.

But let's rewind back a bit. Back to where today's misfortune started.

Just like with everything else lately, you don't know why the urge to indulge washed over you specifically tonight. You and Yunho have spent such a fun evening together, lounging around and enjoying each other in whatever way felt right.

And yet, the moment the lights were turned off and your boyfriend spooned you from behind, holding you close while his breathing slowly evened out, it was as if something had shifted in the air. An overwhelming sense of emptiness washed over you, making you feel both completely dull and overstimulated. Yunho's arms around you felt both like an anchor and a vice, the opposing feelings adding even more to the already rising chaos in your mind. You were suddenly overly aware of every part of your body, as if your own skin was calling out to you.

You didn't want to.

You knew you had to.

As gently and quietly as you could, you unwrapped yourself from Yunho's embrace and got up. He let out a soft sigh at the loss of contact, and you had to admit, you already mourned it too.

Sneaking into the bathroom, you closed the door before turning on the lights. Avoiding the reflection in the mirror, you began searching through the cabinet under the sink. You didn't want to see yourself right now. If anything, it would just add to the confusing conflict raging within you, and you really didn't need that.

Rummaging through each shelf one more time, you let out a frustrated huff. There was nothing you could use. Well, save for the expensive-looking razor Yunho owned, but you really didn't have the patience or coherency to take apart your boyfriend's belongings.

It's time, then.

The return to the bedroom was a bit stressful, as you couldn't decide between searching through your duffel bag there or bringing it with you to the bathroom. Both options seemed too noisy right now, causing you to awkwardly loom over the bag for a few moments, chewing nervously on your bottom lip.

In the end, you decided to just risk it, crouching down to begin unzipping the top. Strangely enough, you kind of hoped Yunho would hear it and wake up. Maybe the shock of being caught would stop you for the time being and you could just go back to bed.

To both your luck and dismay, Yunho didn't wake up, his biggest reaction being the slightest stir of the sheets.

With your wallet in hand, you walked back to the bathroom, your steps a bit bolder this time. Now that you knew Yunho wouldn't wake up so easily, you didn't pay as much mind to the noise you were making.

In a weird way, you were upset. Upset he didn't wake up. Upset he didn't magically realize what your new obsession with socks could possibly mean. Upset he wasn't there to stop you right now.

But along with the upset came a strange feeling of calm. Joy, even.

He doesn't know. Nobody has any idea you're doing this right now. Nobody cares enough to find out anyway. You're free to reign over your body as you please, especially if it will finally shut down the confusing mess of emotions boiling within you.

It will, right?

It's 3 am. You're staying over at Yunho's apartment and he's currently sleeping in the bedroom next-door. You finally gather enough courage to look at yourself in the mirror, but it's rather disappointing. The shell standing in front of you doesn't bring up any emotions anymore. It doesn't even look like you, you think. Maybe this isn't you, after all. That's what you like to tell yourself whenever the moment is over, that this isn't actually the real you harming yourself. This is someone else taking hold of you and your upcoming actions.

You sit down on the cold bathroom floor, a razor blade in hand. When did you unpack them? The small paper packaging and 4 other blades are lying right next to you. Huh. Guess you did just now.

You don't bother taking off the socks. A precious thing like this shouldn't be used in such a shitty spot anyways.

Then again, you also don't exactly want to die right now, so the wrists are off-limits. Sure, you want to feel more valid and that place is the most stereotypical one to cut, but you're already holding the blade you thought you'd never dare use, so that's enough "progress" for now.

Now that you think about it, the thighs sound pretty scary too. You've always heard of some major arteries being located in the thigh. Perhaps you shouldn't risk it there then. Not yet, at least.

And so, like a coward, you move back to your lower leg.

To your defense, you do go considerably higher than usual! You pick a nice spot that's vaguely in the middle of the side of your leg, where your shins and calves would meet.

Deep breaths. You can do this. Just brace yourself and-

...

Oh fuck.

No, no, no nonono-

You knew the risks, you knew you should watch out for the pressure when using a razor blade for the first time since it's so much sharper than any pair of scissors you own, but somehow even the lessened pressure you put was too much.

Within seconds, blood started flowing to the surface. You dropped the blade, making it fly in a random direction as your hands trembled.

Your eyes welled with tears as, despite the blood, you could see a gash way deeper than any cut you'd ever made until now; you could literally see two parts of your skin split-

You're gonna throw up. Or faint. Or both. Oh fuck.

The first drops of blood fell onto the tiles just as your own tears pooled over. Your chest heaved with your labored breathing. You didn't know what to do.

Should you go to the ER? Will it stop on its own? Should you wake Yunho up? Oh god, you should probably wake Yunho up, shouldn't you.

Wiping your tear-stained face as best as you could with your shirt, you crawled over to the bathroom door. You were too scared to walk, afraid you'd faint if you stood up so suddenly.

As you sat by the door, another sob wracked through you. You couldn't calm down, you were too scared of what might happen if you didn't take care of the gash in time. And yet, you couldn't help but fear what might happen if you woke Yunho up. Now that you think about it, maybe it will just stop on its own and you can hide it for the rest of the weekend and then you'll just make up a story of how you got into an accident at work and-

One look at the trail of blood behind you was enough to get your hands on the door handle, pulling the door open on your second try. The door handle flew back up with a loud bang as you dropped back down, but the door was open at last. You pulled it fully open from where you sat, taking a few shallow breaths once you did so.

"...Y/N?"

Now. Now he wakes up. Not at any point before you could have done this. Now.

In the back of your mind, a strange feeling of anger bubbled up. Somehow, you wanted to blame Yunho for not getting to you sooner. But the second you realized what your brain was trying to do, you felt another pang of nausea hit you.

Yunho was not to blame in the slightest. This is all you. You started this, you went through with it, and now you're crawling back to him for help. Don't even try to put any blame on him, no matter how much easier it would make this whole thing to stomach.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

Right, he was awake. The shuffling of the sheets coming from the bedroom confirmed as much.

You tried to call out to him but choked on another sob instead.

All of your fear of being seriously hurt and needing help immediately shifted, transforming into the most heart-wrenching wave of guilt imaginable. Just what have you done? Why are you burdening someone else with this? Are you really going to make him see this?

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by the first footstep. All the raging panic hit you anew, making you speak before you could think.

"W-wait!" You cried, an unknown feeling of desperation clutching your chest. "Please, please don't come here, please."

To your surprise, the footsteps actually stopped.

"...I'm waiting, but please tell me what's going on," Yunho replied with obvious unease.

Well, uh. You haven't exactly thought this far, have you?

"O-okay, I, well, I," you stumbled over your words, trying to work through the mush of your brain to come up with anything even barely comprehensible. "I did something really bad and I think I need your help but you have to promise not to be mad. I don't know what to do but please don't be upset."

Selfish. That's what you were. Even amongst all this chaos and pain you were about to drag Yunho into, all you could think about was saving your own face and evading consequences.

"Y/N, I'm sorry but I'm coming in," Yunho suddenly announced, and the footsteps resumed. "I need to see if you're okay, I promise I won't be mad."

There was no escaping it now. You could only brace yourself for the worst, whatever that would entail.

Two feet stood before your hunched-over form. You didn't dare look up, you didn't dare see what he was feeling.

As carefully as he could, Yunho stepped around you and further into the bathroom. You heard the scraping of metal across tiles before the cabinet doors opened. A towel, a first aid kit, and a medium-sized, colorful box appeared before you, along with your boyfriend in his cozy pajamas. Still, you didn't dare look up.

Wordlessly, he propped your injured leg up as gently as he could, as if he was handling the finest china in the world. Placing the dark grey towel under it, blood immediately rolled down and seeped into the material.

"Okay, this might seem a bit weird, but just- I'm not an expert or anything, far from it, really, but-"

As Yunho rambled nervously, you watched his hands tear open a pack of pads. Ever since your sleepovers became a more regular thing, he'd made sure to keep some in his apartment at all times in case of an emergency. Never had he thought he'd use them in this type of emergency, though.

You watched in confusion as he pulled out one of the pads, opening it and double-checking which side was sticky and which was dry. Unable to hide his worried grimace as he got closer to the wound, he pressed the cotton pad against it.

"I- I probably have something better in the first aid kit to stop the bleeding, but while I look through it, just hold that down to the cut, okay?"

You nodded weakly, deciding not to ask any questions and just let your boyfriend try to fix you. Not that you could say much anyway, not with the way your throat had dried and closed up from all the anxiety.

You silently kept watch as Yunho fumbled through the red bag, noticing the slight tremors in his hands. When you looked at his face, however, it appeared surprisingly neutral.

Ah, so he was trying to stay calm to not worry you any further, but on the inside, he was freaking out just as much as you, if not more. Great. You didn't think you could feel more guilt than you already had, but guess not.

"I'm sorry it's taking so long," he spoke up again, "Mingi would get injured all the time before he'd moved out - you know how clumsy he can get - and I, uh, haven't exactly taken the time to re-organize everything. Sorry."

Your lips twitched into the smallest of smiles, along with a hushed "It's okay, babe".

Yunho's eyes shot up at your words, mirroring your soft smile with his own. Pausing his search for just a second, he leaned over and planted a quick, reassuring kiss on your forehead. "You're right. I'll take good care of you, don't worry. After the first accident Mingi had here, I bought some steri-strips... They should still be around here somewhere, but we threw the original packaging away, so they're just a bit hard to find."

You hummed in understanding, hoping you could ease at least some of his worries by showing him you were doing alright.

Somehow, the moment Yunho appeared in the doorway, all of your previous panic stopped. It was as if through his presence, the jumbled mess of worries surrounding you had split into two. Yunho had graciously shouldered the worries about your physical state, while you focused on keeping his mental well-being in check. All of the fear about his reaction to this situation as a whole was still there, of course, but for the time being, you'd managed to shove them to the back of your mind. It was something to worry about later, when the two of you could calm down and properly talk to each other.

For now, all you had to do was just worry about Yunho while he worried about you.

"Finally!" Yunho sighed in relief, fishing out two small packs of steri-strips. "Okay. Let's do this, then."

But as he shuffled closer to your leg again, he paused.

"Wait, I'm sorry for assuming," he began while opening the first set, "but you don't want to go to the hospital, right? They'd obviously do a much better job than me, but since you said you needed my help, I just, I guessed that- you know. Should we go to the hospital instead?"

You immediately shook your head no, making Yunho smile faintly, glad to have read you right and that he wasn't wasting time trying to play hero.

You were thankful he didn't insist on taking you to the hospital. You knew it would probably be for the best, but right now, in your state, you couldn't even fathom going. You were terrified just crawling to the door to beg for Yunho's help, let alone driving to the opposite part of town to have complete strangers examine you.

"Right then," Yunho sighed, mentally steeling himself for the next step. "Can you feel your leg fine? Feeling faint or anything?"

You just shook your head, slowly easing the pressure you held on the cut. "I'm okay, I think. Just a little shaken up still."

Yunho nodded thoughtfully, helping you unstick the bloody pad from your hand. Luckily, it seemed that most of the bleeding had stopped, at least for now. "It's okay, I'm a bit out of it too."

"Sorry for making you do this," you whispered sincerely, but Yunho quickly stopped you again.

"Don't be sorry, Y/N. I know you didn't mean to do this. You wouldn't have called for me like that if things went down the way you wanted them to."

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything after that, feeling your throat tighten as a fresh wave of tears rushed to your eyes.

You averted your gaze as Yunho began cleaning the area as gently as he could before placing the strips down, helping hold the wound shut. Four strips helped the cut close up, and then two were laid on top of them to help everything stay put. Despite no professional medical training, you swear your boyfriend could do anything like an expert first-try. Well, considering him saying something about treating Mingi's injuries, he might have actually trained a bit already. Either way, you could feel your nerves easing a considerable bit at the sight of the gash finally closed-up.

"There we go," Yunho said contently, giving your other leg a gentle pat. "Just stay put a little longer, okay? I'm gonna clean up a bit in here."

Oh, that's right.

You were so out of it you completely forgot about the blades scattered around, the blood dripping across the floor, the towel, pads, first aid kit, everything.

Closing your eyes, you tried to focus on your breathing. It has mostly returned to normal, but you could still feel a lot of tightness in your chest.

"Hey now, don't go falling asleep on me, okay?" You heard Yunho calling out to you a few meters away, making you peek one eye open.

He was kneeling by the sink, scrubbing at the dirty tiles. When he noticed you looking at him, he flashed you a quick, comforting smile.

"'m not falling asleep," you protested, "I'm just resting a bit, sorry."

"It's okay, I was just a little worried."

Yeah. That's definitely one way to put how Yunho was likely feeling right now.

But that could be dwelled on and discussed later. For now, all you had to do was sit still, breathe deep, and stay strong.

...

"You still with me, princess?"

You opened your eyes again, this time to find Yunho sitting in front of you. You don't know how much time has passed, too focused on pacing your breaths, saying the alphabet forwards and backwards, thinking about your favorite TV show moments - anything to calm down, really.

When he saw you were still fully awake, he pulled out a gauze bandage with a small smile. "We should be fine with just the steri-strips, but let me wrap this up for you to be one hundred percent safe, okay?"

You let him do as he pleased, trusting his judgment better than your own at the moment. As he bandaged your leg, you looked around the room, noticing everything was back the way it was before you'd entered.

"I put the, uh, the blades away for now," Yunho continued, a nervous edge to his tone. "I didn't want to just throw them away without permission, but leaving them out here in the open didn't seem like a great idea either. Sorry if it seems distrustful, it's just... you know."

"You're scared I might do it again," you finished for him, making him nod hesitantly. "It's okay, I get it."

It was honestly surprising how easy it was to talk to Yunho about this. Maybe it's because he already saw the worst of it, maybe it was the way he took such gentle care of you, or maybe it was just his entire attitude about this so far. Caring, non-judgemental, open to listen.

"Alright then, I think we're done here. Let's get you to bed, shall we?"

Before you could respond, you were picked up by a pair of strong, warm hands. You wanted to object for a split second, but on second thought, maybe it was in your best interest not to move too much right now.

A few moments later, you were laid back down on the bed, a soft kiss pressed to your temple before you were shrouded in your blanket. With a whispered promise of returning again, Yunho rushed back to turn off the lights and close the door, enveloping the two of you in darkness. You waited a second, two, and then the bed dipped behind you with a quiet creak.

"Come here." Yunho's arms wrapped around your waist from behind again, holding you closer than before. "Is this okay? Should I give you space?"

"It's fine, Yuyu."

His chest shook with a small chuckle. "Oh come on, don't call me that right now." He somehow snuggled up even closer to you, pressing his face into your neck. "I'm already emotional enough as is."

A beat or two of silence passed between the two of you before he spoke up again.

"Was this," Yunho paused, hesitating for a second, "was this the first time you did something like this, or are there... more?"

You sighed. "Well, this was the first time I've messed up like this and used an actual razor blade, but in general? There's been a few instances, yeah. Most of them happened years ago, but lately, it started up again."

Yunho stayed quiet this time. As the silence stretched on, you began to grow worried. Is this the moment where he gets mad at you?

A sniffle broke through the air, quickly followed by another. The hold around your waist tightened.

"It's the socks, isn't it?" Yunho barely choked out, voice trembling.

Never have you felt so guilty in your life before.

"I thought it was weird, I wanted to ask you about it, I really did," he sobbed, burying his wet face further into your shirt. "I didn't want to make you feel bad about it if it was genuinely just something you preferred, so I held back, but it worried me anyway. I should have asked so much sooner."

"Yu..." You tried to turn around in his embrace, but he stopped you, not letting you see his tearful eyes. "Honey, it's not your fault in the slightest, please don't beat yourself up about it."

"But I should have-"

"Just listen to the same advice you gave me, hm? You never wanted this to happen, you wouldn't be so torn up about it otherwise. It's really not your fault."

With what you assumed to be a watery hum of agreement, Yunho nodded into your back.

You tried to turn around again, and this time, Yunho finally let you. You watched as his silhouette sat up, reaching around for the tissue box on the nightstand before wiping his tears and blowing his nose.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, crumpling the tissue and putting it away, "you're the one hurting and I'm making it all about myself."

You tutted softly as he laid back down, shuffling closer to him to drape yourself over his broad chest. "That's not true, Yun. I know this is really hard on you as well, you have all the right to be upset. Please don't hide it just because I'm also in pain."

"Okay," he accepted, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

The room stayed quiet for another few minutes, save for the faint rustling of the sheets as you intertwined one of your hands with his.

"If it's okay," Yunho croaked in a careful, ginger tone, "could we maybe talk more about this tomorrow? I feel like I have over a million questions right now, but I don't want to overwhelm you when you should be resting."

You let out a small, sleepy chuckle. "Yeah, that sounds good. I think I'll also feel a bit better if we talk about this some more tomorrow. It's a bit embarrassing even now when I know that you know, but I trust you enough to share this part of me, I think."

Yunho leaned down to kiss the top of your head, making you smile. "Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me. And please, never feel embarrassed about this. Just because this stuff is not talked about enough doesn't mean your feelings are wrong or not valid. We'll figure this out together, I promise. No matter what it takes."

"Okay. I look forward to tomorrow," you said, pressing a quick peck to his sternum before lying down again. "Goodnight, Yuyu."

"Goodnight, love."

Please, don't hesitate to reblog or comment!! Any kind of feedback is much appreciated!! <333

(Also would once again like to say that this was not meant to romanticize SH in any way, and I hope it did not come across that way. Take care, everyone <3)

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