#i don't mind how it's turning out but it's a process i don't rly have a Process for so it's a lot of trial and error

[greywooden]

my review of maxton hall

[fishieguyy]

could you share how you paint hair and skin? your art is so nice to look at

thank you so much!

maybe one day I'll make a more detailed post with screenshots as I render... but honestly my painting process is really pretty simple. I usually use a textured brush or something with hue jitter turned up 1-2% to put down base colours, and then I go in with a medium hard airbrush for shadows and for adding warmer colours where blood flows (nose, ears, cheek, around mouth sometimes, eyes).

after that i merge all my layers and basically draw on top of everything. bunch of refining details and texture and LOTS of cross hatching. hatching is a really good way to transition between colours i find!!

(another tip I use for skin rendering is adding gradients within shadows, anddd ofc I add hatching when I do that too)

I wish I could offer more technical advice but I really don't know what I'm doing in the slightest I just throw colours on there and hope for the best😭 I guess other good things to keep in mind for skin are the planes of the face (im rly bad at this one, but basically just look up planes of the face on pinterest and use that as a guide for shadows and form) as well as hard vs soft shadows!!

im also. Not good at this one. So don't take my word for it but i guess it's good to have a variety of shadows that end harshly vs shadows that are softer and blend in more? if that makes sense? you just need to think about 1. what is casting my shadow 2. what is it being cast on (or idk maybe its not. that's just kinda what I do) and render from there!

I like to outline my harsher shadows but thats rly just cause I love to outline everything. OOH THATS ANOTHER THING. use harmonious colours and outline shit it looks soooo good.

i do that shit all the time.Like don't be shy about grabbing colours that don't make sense being in your drawing. it's a drawing who gaf if vi arcane's hair is outlined in turquoise. NOBODY! and it looks fire!

for hair I just bullshit it and add hatching I really don't have a clue how to draw hair. I guess figure out where the hair strands are coming from and then draw them coming out from there (This is some real expert advice here damn) and then add shadows underneath the hair tuft clump things ?? no clue. someone make a tutorial for me im kinda the one that needs it in this situation.

uh I hope that helped at all!! Please watch YouTube videos and stuff by actual professionals take everything I say with a grain of salt because seriously I don't know how to do any of this I probably should study art more but I am LAZY

[danielwaldorf]

observations from grading hundreds of american college students' discussion posts and essays about film

before i get into this i want to be SO clear that this is not meant to be a "kids these days" thing, but more a commentary on the contemporary media landscape and the impacts of new media on young people's consumption habits. i think that young people's expectations of film are primarily a reflection of how they've been taught to watch and process film.

also, i teach intro, so these are not necessarily film or even humanities majors. many of my students are in computer science, engineering, etc. okay yay let's go <3

most american college students have quite literally Never seen a single movie that was not in english, and are very resistant to reading subtitles.

i've had multiple students comment that non-english language films which require them to read subtitles force them to actually look at the screen, which makes them notice more details in the film. they are not accustomed to actually Watching films, and doing so is novel to them. they're used to just turning things on in the background before doing other tasks/scrolling on their phones.

students frequently comment upon whether or not a film was able to hold their attention, and many consider it a failing of the film itself if not. many students also lose interest when they are confused or uncertain about what is happening in a movie, rather than becoming more invested or intrigued.

some do note that they have short attention spans, and will clearly state that they do not watch or enjoy many movies because of this.

things which students see as inherently boring include black and white films, silent films, non-English-language films, and films more than twenty years old. many students were shocked when they enjoyed a film within any of the aforementioned categories.

a lot of students will see all of the pieces of the puzzle, but struggle to put them together. for example: they will note that a detective character seems to care more about pinning a crime on somebody than they care about actually solving it, that the detective is bad at their job, that the detective brutalizes suspects, but they will not quite reach the conclusion that the film is doing these things intentionally. rather than concluding that the film is criticizing the police, they will be upset that the character is so awful.

one student insisted that mad max: fury road is a deeply misogynistic film because the women were treated as objects and wore skimpy clothes. the fact that the entire plot of the film is about said women asserting their personhood and overthrowing the patriarchal order to establish a more egalitarian and empathetic matriarchy was not relevant to her; what mattered was how they looked, and no amount of explanation could change her mind. i don't really have a clear theory of what was going on here, but i wanted to share it because it feels. poignant. in a way i cannot articulate.

many students see "old" films as inherently worse than contemporary films. they will often say things like, "the movie was really good for something from the fifties."

a lot of people have never heard of alfred hitchcock. i don't rly have a take on this it just stunned me.

and this last one isn't necessarily film-specific, but i do think it's relevant to discussing media literacy and the quality of k-12 + STEM-focused university education: so many students do not know how to format a paper, and do not know how/do not think to look up a style guide or even consult the syllabus or assignment sheet.

students often add additional spaces between paragraphs, and/or use 1.15 pt. spacing rather than double spacing their papers. they'll use calibri or arial rather than times new roman, in 11 pt. font rather than 12. they'll write out their thesis separately from their paragraphs, or not write in paragraphs at all, instead writing something that looks closer to stream-of-consciousness bullet-point notes.

it seems to me that many students somehow make it through high school and into university without ever learning how to write a paper. what really concerns me however is the fact that this information is extremely available to them; in the class syllabus, on their assignment sheet, even if you just google how to write a paper. i'm no expert in education and i don't want to be alarmist, but i do think that there is a concerning lack of curiosity and care in many students, primarily those studying in STEM fields. part of this is just the fact that many of my students are used to writing lab reports and this is a different sort of writing, but the lack of flexibility and ability to engage with other subjects is very sad to me.

plenty of my students are curious and read the syllabus and pay attention to the films and know how to write! but the number of those who struggle to formulate a coherent paragraph, let alone paper, who cannot identify basic themes, indicates to me that young people are seriously suffering from shortened attention spans, the lack of popular non-english language film and television in american culture, and the proliferation of "second-screen" streaming content designed to be "viewed" by audiences who are not paying attention.

i don't have a remedy for this. i don't totally know why i'm typing this all out, except that my tenure as a teaching assistant is coming to an end and i felt an irrepressible urge to reflect upon the experience. idk i suppose i hope this will be interesting to somebody. if you made it this far, thank you and i hope you're well <3

[the-milk-monarch]

Ezekiel and Justin + S/O, who's good at reading body language = ??

☣︎ Sorry for the late answer, Ezekiel, Justin and reading body language isn't my strong side 💀 I dun rly know how to write Justin so hopefully I wrote what you wanted-

[𝚂/𝙾 𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙰𝚃 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙱𝙾𝙳𝚈 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚄𝙰𝙶𝙴]

Summary: Confessions.

☢︎ | Total Drama | ~1,7k words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Ezekiel | Justin ⚠ | OOC??

[𝙴𝚣𝚎𝚔𝚒𝚎𝚕]

Even though Ezekiel wasn't the perfect boyfriend material, it didn't mean he couldn't get a crush on someone.

That someone was you.

He was still somewhat out of touch with the world around him, but he seemed to be even more- "off" with you.

He could be seen around you more often than not, in hopes that he wouldn't fuck up as usual.

Most of the time he didn't even know what went wrong, since this was how he was raised and at his house no one had a problem with such things?

I also headcanon him as autistic

So he just kinda hoped whatever he did around you didn't come off as insensitive or wrong to say.

"Hey- Y/N." He looked at you as he approached, making a hand gesture that would catch your attention. "You need any help, maybe?" He asked hesitantly but keeping it cool, as if he was scared of once again being yelled at for being inappropriate. So he elaborated. "I mean- Not that I think you're weak- Just- You know- I wanna be helpful." He shrugged, looking somewhere else before returning to your gaze briefly. You had some sympathy for the boy, knowing he's just really out of touch. You didn't sense any maliciousness coming his way, so you were usually pretty kind to him "I know, don't worry. You're fine." You said calmly. "Sure, I could use some help."

You noticed that Ezekiel was also bit more chatty with you than with others.

And, well, he watched his mouth a lot more too.

He usually had a pre-planned response to start off with talking to you.

He still tried to learn to not be as insensitive around other people, but it was really visible to you that he tried to be extra careful with you around.

That made you think a little- Why?

So one day you decided to get some answers.

Usually it was Ezekiel approaching you first, but this time you decided to turn it around. "Hey, Zeke?" You calmly and friendly tried to get his attention. "Huh?" He got thrown off of his thoughts as he heard his name being called. "Oh. Y/N- Hey. What is it?" He turned his focus on you, a bit curious. "I have a question for you, if you don't mind." You tried to be as casual as you could, not wanting to scare him off. You just wanted to have a friendly chat and perhaps confirm your thoughts about him. "Uhh... Okay. Just not anything hard, alright?" He looked at you now more curious but also slightly worried of what the question would be. You giggled slightly at his choice of words, which made him tilt his head a bit. "Well- It's not a math equation. I was just curious-" You start off gently. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've noticed you're a bit more careful around me than others." You don't sugarcoat, but you try to not sound as if you're mad or accusing him of something. "Uh..." He stopped for a second, thinking what to respond. You weren't supposed to give him a hard question! "...Is that wrong?" He tilted his head even more, a bit confused why would you ask about that. Did he do something wrong again? "Oh, no, no-" You quickly reassure him. "No, I actually kinda appreciate that-" "But I also didn't want you to- you know, stress out around me." You elaborate. He blinks once as he processes what you said. "...I mean- It's not that I'm afraid of you, ya kno-" He explains himself a little, although you can see a bit of anxiousness seeping in from his behavior. "But sometimes it seems that whatever I do is somehow wrong, so I don't want you to be mad at me or somethin'." He kicks dirt on the ground a little to release some stress as he keeps his hands in his pocket, still not showing that he's bothered, except avoiding eye contact. "I won't be mad at you for something that you say without bad intentions. I mean, hey, everyone makes mistakes, right?" You try to lighten up the situation and make some wiggle room for him so he doesn't feel as if he's being interviewed. "I guess so-" He looks at you briefly, now visibly less worried. His body language wasn't really telling, but your deduction skills told you that you were in the clear, without making him too uncomfortable. However, you decided to ask a bit more risky question after that. "So... Is there a reason why you feel the need to be more careful around me?" You tried to gently probe an answer from him. He stopped for a second, as if caught doing something bad. "Uhm..." He started getting a bit more uncomfy, now visibly looking away from you. You awaited calmly for his answer, trying to be as non threatening and open as possible. If you were to tell the truth, you kinda suspected Zeke might have caught a small crush on you. Of course you weren't 100% sure, and you really hoped that you read his subtle signs right. Otherwise this situation would turn awkward really quick. "Well- You're just the nicest to me, ya kno? ... I really don't want you to hate me." He spoke with a bit hesitant but honest tone as his gaze fell on the ground instead of your eyes. You smiled softly and sympathetically, seeing how much he valued your opinion about him. "You don't have to worry about that- I like you, you know." You said with conviction. He paused for a moment before nodding. His eyes that were covered by the brown hair looked at you for a moment, holding the short eye contact. "... How much?" He dared to ask. He just stood there, as if asking a normal question, but still awaiting some sort of possible bad reaction. He got you a bit dumbfounded, but since he answered all of your questions so nicely, you decided to return the favor. "Uh... I guess a decent amount-" You shrugged, showing a bit of coy smile.

"Like, just a friend, right??" He continued asking, piercing you with his gaze that needed answers. His tone didn't indicate any need or hope for your connection to be deeper, but his look was obvious. You stopped for a moment, before finally having to answer the hard question. "As a friend, for sure!" You started off. "But- if you wanna- dunno, get to know each other closer one day- I don't see an issue with this either." You finally said the words that could possibly take a big to your pride with rejection. He paused. Tilted his head. And then spoke. "Wait- You mean like- You wanna get to know me closer?" He asked, still not believing your original statement. "To be fair I never had a best friend..." He obviously assumed you meant it as that. He put on a thoughtful expression, thinking about it, which made you wanna expand on your words. "No, I mean- As partners. Dating." You elaborated, awaiting his reaction. His expression remained calm as he was processing what was said to him, until it finally clicked and his eyes went wide. "Oh." He only managed to say. "Okay- Wow, huh." His surprise was very much visible. "Yeah, that would be- That would be cool." His words were slightly flat per usual, but you could see both the shock and relief emitting from him.

Be patient with this boy, he still has some figuring out and learning to do.

If you're really determined to date him, be prepared to be the one to lead the hard situations (like the mentioned confession) by yourself, at least at first.

[𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗]

When Justin started to hang around you more, you knew something was up.

He's good at (and known for) using his good looks to get what he wants, whether it'd be simple adoration or help with the challenge.

It started with with him just trying to make a small talk.

You didn't mind, as long as he wasn't trying to use you so he could stay lazy.

"You know, you're not half-bad. I mean, nothing compares to my beauty of course, but..." He gave you a backhanded compliment. "Wow, that's big coming from you." You said half-sarcastically, but in a lighthearted way. "Oh, yeah, I know." He smirked handsomely while fixing his hair with one hand.

Unlike what you expected, he didn't really try to woo and use you.

He might have merely suggested it one time, but if you didn't budge then he stopped doing that.

Well, trying to use you that is, he was still kind of trying to woo you.

You noticed Justin was behaving a bit differently around you than with others contestants.

He was casually giving you "compliments", which was weird, because usually he was focused only on himself.

He thought he was clever by "slowly pulling you in" to like him, like other contestants.

He wouldn't have to disclose his attraction to you then, and instead you'd do it first.

But you didn't bite the bait.

You had a suspicion that he wanted you to do just that.

And you were curious if he was determined enough for your attention to come to you himself.

So finally, after some time, he got frustrated with his last failed attempt.

"Y/N-" He whined dramatically, with a given up tone. You turned his head towards the pathetic sound. "Are you really not affected by my beauty? Is this face not worth your attention?" He looked at you, combing his hair in a truly despaired manner. "... What do you mean?" You raised your brow in half amusement, already knowing what he refers, but you tried to remain neutral. "All this time I've been trying to get you to confess your true feelings for me, and you're still so stubborn..." You couldn't help but chuckle at his visible attempts to... confess to you? gaslight you so you'd do it?? "Well- Have you tried doing it first?" You turned the question on him. That shut him up for a second, after which he quickly regained himself into more graceful posture from his grand acting. You heard him sigh. "Well- If I have to." He cleared his throat and started. "Y/N, if you'd confess your attraction to me, I'd accept." You rolled your eyes at his attempt to keep his pride, but you gave him some brownie points for at least somewhat owning up to it. You copied his acting with clearing your throat and responded. "Well, Justin, if you'd do that, I'd be up for it."

He'd appreciate your keen senses of figuring people out on the competition btw.

[mewwccury]

back and forth

word count. 2.1k

୨୧ — ꒰ cw. slowburn-ish, fluff-ish to angst, oc (astrid naumann), mentions of death, mourning, aot spoilers from season 1-4 handwritten letters

୨୧ — ꒰ a/n. it's impossible to find stories of people i like, so i'm taking matters into my own hands !!!! heh. oh btw i wasn't supposed to use an oc but i didnt wanna use the y/n thing cuz most of the fics i read here dont rly use y/n soo yeah hehe!! also, this is incredibly long and kinda boring at first. slowburn.

୨୧ — ꒰ featuring. porco galliard

୨୧ — ꒰ prompt. i thought you'd come back to me.

year 847

Dear Naumann,

How are you? Have you arrived safely? Did you listen to me and open this after you've arrived? Have you been eating well? You should've brought more food. I could've made you some instead of those processed foods. Those aren't healthy, y'know? I bet the food there is stale, tasteless, and downright disgusting. Of all the military warriors in Marley, why did they have to send you? I'm going insane here.

How's the mission? Are Bertholdt and Annie doing okay? How about Braun? Knowing him, he probably did something stupid—got someone killed or something. Absolute stupidity runs in his blood. He probably rigged the selection for the Titan Shifters. Whatever, he'd probably die there anyway. They'll bring back his corpse or make a titan eat him. Then they'd have me eat the shifter. Or his corpse.

Well, that's what I'd wish.

Anyways, take care, okay? Don't want you dyin' on me out there, Astrid.

Yours Truly, Galliard.

Dear Galliard,

You have so many questions, Porco! Half of your letter is just questions.

I'm doing well here. I joined the Training Corps to help Hoover, Braun, and Leonhart. Yes, I've arrived safely. Yes, I opened this once I arrived. I may have made a small peek, but not too much to know what's written. Just checked how long it is, hehe. I'm eating well. Their diet consists of vegetables, with rarely any meat. Turns out that only the higher-ups get to eat meat. Isn't that bullshit?

At times like these, I do wish I could taste your cooking. Even if it's incredibly salty or tasteless, it's better than what they have here.

Hey, don't doubt Marley! They sent me here because I'm a one-of-a-kind soldier. I'm cute, pretty, smart, and incredibly powerful. And I'm not even a titan shifter!

I also have news that you won't appreciate.

Marcel died. He pushed Reiner away because he was about to get eaten by a pure titan. He died as a savior. A hero.

I'm sorry, Porco.

Once I'm back, I'll give you a big warm hug, yeah? I'm sorry for your loss, Porco.

Take good care of yourself, okay? Keep me updated on what's going on in Marley. Keep in touch. <3

Love, Naumann.

Year 848

Dear Naumann,

Hey. How are you? Hope this arrived on your birthday. Happy Birthday, Astrid Naumann. Love you Take good care of yourself. Don't mind the scratched out part, some ink spilled.

Still can't get over my brother's death. If Reiner wasn't so damn stupid, he'd still be here. This is so unfair. If only you were here.

How's life there? Hope those island demons don't get to you. I'll kill them all if they steal you from me. I'd send Marley's strongest troop for all I care. Hope you're okay, I've been worried sick. Not that I think you're incapable of living there and stuff. I know you're more than capable of doing so.

I'm taking good care of myself in Marley. Same training, same routines and regimens, same everything. It's just less interesting and motivating with you out there.

I fell sick yesterday. Had a high fever due to fatigue and overwork. Commander Magath let me have the day off, so that's something. I was so bored without you. Pieck was training, and Zeke's playing baseball with Falco and Gabi. Everything is so boring without you. I wish you'd come home already. Ditch the damn mission and just go back.

If you do want to go back, just send a letter. I'll send a ship right away.

Pieck misses you. A lot. She's always nagging me to tell you that she misses you. Like that's gonna bring you back here. Weirdo.

The letter's too long, it won't be able to fit the envelope if I wrote more.

Take care, Astrid. Don't be stupid like Braun, timid like Hoover, or that mysterious shit like Leonhart, okay? I know how much you try to fit in with the people around you.

Yours Truly, Galliard.

Year 849

Dear Galliard,

Hi Porco. How are you? Have you been training well? Thanks for the birthday greeting!

Hope this letter arrives on your exact birthday. Though, I doubt. It'll be Year 849 once this damned letter arrives. I don't know why it takes so long for Paradis to send my letter to you! I might ask Reiner to deliver my letters from now on. At least up to the border, then Marley'll do the rest.

Anyways. Happy happy birthday, Porco Galliard! Take care, and continue being yourself. Thanks for being the best pen pal and bearing with me.

I'm sure Marcel's looking after you from above. You know how he is. Always a worrywart for his younger brother. I'm sorry I can't come home to you on your birthday :( Turns out, there's no such thing as a winter break here. They're monsters! No limit to their energy. I wonder how they endure such vigorous training. This is way worse than Marley's.

Life here is great! I didn't think that the people here could be so... kind..? They're decent. It makes me change my perspective about them.

Hey! Take care of yourself! I know this is a few months late, but don't go around getting sick! Don't forget your meals, don't intentionally skip meals, work out at least an hour or two every day, and walk around Liberio after every meal for better digestion!

I'm totally not ditching the mission. I'd need to stay here for a few more years, then you'll have me all to yourself! From how this sounds, it feels like you're missing me quite a lot out there. I miss you too, though.

Tell Piku that I miss her too! And don't be mean to her! That's my cousin, y'know.

Well, that's all that there is. Nothing much is happening. Just a few knicks and knacks here, discoveries here and there. Nothing really worthy. It's not like I can engage in those anyway.

Well, that's all! I'll end the letter here. Take good care of yourself, okay? Don't get sick, listen to my words. I miss you lots, and I'll be back before you know it. Keep in touch!

Love, Naumann.

Year 850

Dear Naumann,

How are you? I remember you mentioning that your training ends this year. Has it ended by this time? Send my regards to Hoover and Leonhart, good luck with the plan. Braun can fuck himself in the ass.

You're not sending as many letters as before. Are you busy? Of course you are, you're training.

I heard from Commander Magath that you'd be coming back this year. Maybe the next if things go south. 3 years without you feels so.. surreal. Imagine leaving Marley at the age of 14, only to come back at 17. I wonder how much you've grown. I bet you stopped growing.

Nothing much is going on in Marley. Pieck's gotten used to the Cart Titan—hell, she practically lives in it. She's training her endurance so I barely see her anymore. Zeke's busy being an oldie, so all I have to talk to si Colt. I'm still training though, but I get to slack off more. Y'know, past trainings and all. They're letting me off easy.

I'm writing this in your house. Yeah, in your house. In your room. Hope you don't mind. I'm not snooping around your stuff, so any of your deepest secrets here are safe. If you're questioning why I'm here, your mom invited me. She said that I should hang out in your room every time I miss you.

Hope you're doing well. I love miss you a lot. Stay safe.

Yours Truly, Galliard.

Year 850

Dear Galliard,

Porco! I miss you so much. And for your information, I've grown quite a lot! I'm taller than Annie! Not that that'd help, but you get my point!

Don't slack off all the time, okay? Keep working out. At least a few push-ups and pull-ups every day. 15 reps per set? You can do that, you always boasted about your strength. Send my regards to Pieck and Zeke!

Keep staying in my room until I'm back! Keep my bed warm for me, yeah? You better keep my room clean. I'll have to do a thorough cleaning once I'm back. I bet cobwebs are starting to form in the corners of my ceiling. Dang it.

Things have been hectic for the past few weeks, I'm sorry I haven't been sending a lot of letters :( The breach was successful—at first—then people showed up and sealed the damn hole back. I don't really know what happened. I wasn't there for most of it. I kinda pretended to be sick. Got a good scolding from Commander Shadis, but it's okay. Annie told me to avoid conflict and to act like an irrelevant character. They can't risk having my identity leaked. Leaked? Feels like I'm using the wrong word, but whatever.

Anyway, how are you? I'm itching to go back, but Bertholdt told me to stay for a while—a few more days, he said. Actually, he said that he needed to talk to me about something.

I miss you a lot. I'm never going on a mission like this in the future! I hate it here. Anywhere away from you feels like hell. What would I do without my best friend?

They'll be having their 57th expedition outside the walls tomorrow. I joined the Survey Corps, by the way. Bertholdt said that they had a plan to capture Eren using Annie's titan. Hope they succeed!

I'll be playing along with them now. I'll prepare for the expedition tomorrow, so I'll cut this letter short.

I miss you lots, unbearable. I'll see you soon, keep in touch!

Love, Naumann.

Dear Naumann,

Zeke's delivering this for you. He's on the way to Paradis to invade. He'll turn a few of the residents there into titans. I wanted to come, I really did. I begged, but he said that I should stay put. Saying that you wouldn't like that. He threw harsher words, but I'd rather not say.

Who am I kidding? Why won't I tell you?

He told me that I'd be useless in the battlefield as of the moment. He already had his small troop of soldiers, so I won't be needed. That hurt me.

Whatever, such small things won't affect me. I'll show Zeke who he's calling useless. I hope he doesn't read this letter.

I hope you're safe. Zeke said that he'll be fetching you, Hoover, Leonhart, and fuckin' Braun.

I'll see you real soon. Once you're back, let's hang out for the whole day. I have something to tell you. Something big.

Yours Truly, Galliard.

Dear Naumann,

Didn't I tell you to be safe? I kept telling you that. I kept telling you to be safe. To be careful.

Of all the things that could've gotten you killed, it was debris? How? From havoc? Goddamnit, Astrid. I didn't even have the opportunity to tell you I love you? All those scratched-out parts of my letters were my attempts to confess. Now what?

Ever since the news got to me, I haven't left your bed. Kinda thick faced on behalf of your parents, but who could blame me? Everyone knew that I loved you. And I still do. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Why did I gather the courage to say this when you're.. gone?

It should've been Reiner. Where was that damn bastard when you were getting crushed by rubble. Isn't he the Armored fucking Titan? He's supposed to be the shield of the group! Yet he couldn't protect you, nor Marcel.

I beat him up once he got back here. Seems like Bertholdt died, too. Got eaten by some titan. Annie froze herself. Why did the degenerate get to come back, yet you don't?

I got my titan.

I'll avenge you. I'll destroy that fucking island. Curse Paradis, curse the land of devils, curse everyone.

I'm still keeping your bed warm.

aaaa what a rushed ending!!!! i'm gonna make an alternate ending of this since im not rly satisfiiieeeddddd!! i'll keep making porco scenarios and whatnot because im hyperfixiated.

[frogiwi]

22 for fic writer asks 🖤

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you're writing? how do you get past that?

ooh honestly, i don't think so? i think i'm lucky in that for the last 3-4 years, the people i've managed to attract as an audience to my writing are people who have mostly similar tastes to me, and who enjoy similar types of characterizations and themes and stories. so i feel pretty confident about the stuff i write (aside from like... the typical writer spiraling during the process when i think everything is bad LOL) and while i'm writing it i don't think i ever get the feeling that it's going to bomb or turn people off or that people will generally dislike it. or rather than not getting the feeling, i don't really think about it all. it doesn't occur to me that ppl might not like it bc i don't care bc i like it😆 i haven't written too much stuff that's "out there" or controversial in some way in a few years now (rly want to though), but even when i did, i got great reactions from likeminded people, so i haven't ever really been scared out of it 🙏 it's my own procrastination and being daunted by my own ideas that's stopping me

if we're talking "reaction" in general like comments/engagement, i'm kind of used to writing for like, myself and my corner of 3-5 freaks, so i don't expect many reactions in the first place 😆 so any comment i get is always a joy and a surprise! these days i don't find it too demotivating to think only a few people are gonna read what i write bc i'm pretty focused on just wanting my ideas to exist in my writing style and if ppl happen to like it that's an extra perk. and also the few people who are gonna read it are gonna go apeshit about it so that's really all i need and i'm always grateful for it kjsdhgjksd

so overall i think i'm lucky that i have that kinda self assurance and comfort bc like, fearing how people will react to your art is one of the fastest paths to suppressing yourself and your creative instincts and it sucks a lot. but there are a lot of judgmental and closeminded people out there who can't accept that people have different tastes than them and it can be hard not to worry about people like that seeing your work and having something to say about it. but interacting with like minded people and trying to form a community with the same values goes a long way in finding people who will support you unconditionally and enthusiastically, and that seems to be the best way to stop caring what other people might think about your art!! "me and my 2 freak mutuals" will save you, trust me

✍️ fic writer asks

[beau-bearr]

Hi sending this for the purposes of adding on some ideas for the vision post, not as anon hate dw.

I think Greg would be Dendro since a lot of his themes are about how others see him and his isolation, being viewed as a hero in the smoke war and wanting to be seen as a normal person. Also visually works imo.

Rodya could be Hydro but Dendro is also valid for the above, how others see her.

Ishmael is Electro, that's closer to an obsession.

Meursault is Geo 100%. The whole religious themes in his book and how strongly he rejects them for his own ideals. He stuck to his own ideas through the whole book and did what he did while processing mamasault's death, which could be cryo but I think Geo fits better. Anemo is also valid, prisoner and persecution n stuff.

I think Faust could be pyro actually, we don't know her reasons in-game yet and it could possibly be at least partly for others, but book Faust did it to indulge on all the world had to offer after no longer enjoying life. I think pyro is acceptable there, also hell symbolism. However Cryo would also fit very well, I also think Anemo is also a really interesting interpretation considering it could be seen as seeking freedom from being shackled to her fate and also the foreshadowing of Faust(Gesellschaft) wanting her to think for herself, be free.

Outis would absolutely be either Hydro or Electro. Wanting to protect her family, having the singular goal of getting home no matter how much damage comes to others.

Now Heath... I think Pyro is a good choice... But hear me out, what about Electro? It absolutely fits for Erlking and his self-destructive rampage, also thunder is one of his main symbols. I think Heathcliff's world revolving around Catherine is a lot better described as determination or obsession. He wants to change for Catherine, return to Wuthering Heights for Catherine, goes through all of Canto 6 to see Catherine, all of this for Catherine... And now he's lost and finding comfort in those around him, which does suit hydro but I think the events of the canto are too different for it to work, it was as much about him as it was Catherine, which is why Electro feels more fitting. He's weird cuz he doesn't fit one perfectly, there's a lot to Canto 6. A lot about how he was treated informing his decisions, a lot that doesn't fit into one.

I also rly like Cryo Sinclair since he's literally the boy that changes that's his thing look at him go!!! Same with Donqui for the impossible dream.

COOKING. I also never thought of geo Meursault (I kinda chose cryo on a soul read, but I do have some thoughts about that too lmao)

I may need to re-read on visions (I haven't played genshin in like,,, over 2 years,,,,, and just recently picked it up again) but all of my takes are from early genshin vision knowledge. Like... player from 1.6 vision knowledge,, so I could 100% be wrong. I did spend over 3 hours explaining all of my thoughts to a friend though, and since you did share this Anon, I am going to use this as an excuse to share my thoughts about it (hope you don't mind)

I didn't get to all sinners because as I'm writing this I realized I can't put asks in drafts and continue to write later, so I'll post now and add later

I think Greg fits with electro simply because every electro character genshin has introduced has been "freak/weirdo guy". Clearly they're not, we get to see them as actual people when hoyo wants to expand on their character. But with Gregor he's been turned into this "monster" and "freak of nature" that people look at him and feel fear. He's constantly rejected simply because of his looks, and I know that bothers him alot. He's such a chill, funny, sad little guy (a grown man) that suffers with the views of others. Characters that fit in this (imo at least): Fischl, Razor, Clorinde, Cyno

I chose the same for Faust, kinda on a soul read, kinda because I think that she's also got that weirdo thing going on. She's able to speak to different Faust's, but refuses to elaborate on things, the one time she's unable to reach her Faust (during MoWE) she becomes this kinda awkward girl who is trying to hid behind her dislike to answering things. I will say I'm not the best at reading Faust so my read on her is probably very wrong, but the one character from GI that kinda supports my thought (to me at least) is Fishcl, in a way I could explain but I won't right now lol (lmao even)

I chose Dendro for Rodya because, and from what I've seen from dendro characters at least, they're very community based and intuitive in others feelings. Rodya has shown in the game that she knows how others are feeling, or even how to get under their skin and get on their nerves. Like she's very mean girl, and to be mean girl you gotta know how to be a bitch with accuracy. Now to be fair, she is a gambler, so she's gotta know how to read people, but then there's her community. Before joining the company, she was working trying to spread wealth to those less fortunate, and trying to feed the hungry. I may be reaching, but that kinda seems a little community oriented to me. The characters I think that fit this and support my claim here: Tighnari, Baizhu (my beloved), Alhaitham, Nahida (I feel like this doesn't count though, because she's an archon?? Idk)

I chose Pyro for Ishmael for two reasons, one is serious and one is kinda stupid. My stupid reason is because I think Ishmael and Heathcliff are best friends, and they needed matching opposite visions, and I knew for certain I was not giving Heath a pyro vision.

But my serious answer WAS that catching the whale was kind of a passion. Now. I never claimed to be smart, and I kinda forgot that obsession was a word for a moment. So 100% this is a bad take from me, but my original thought was that her need to get revenge on ahab, her drive to keep the company away from the lakes. It originally made sense to me. She was genuinely tweaking tf out for the S.E.A intervallo and her canto, like at the time it made sense. You cooked with electro though, so now I'm rethinking this thought... there are no characters to support my claim anymore

I chose geo for Outis cause I feel like it's right to say she's loyal to a fault? My friend was telling me she wasn't loyal to the company exactly, but that made me think that she was loyal to her own cause, which was going home to her wife and kid. Odysseus is extremely faithful to his wife in the book, so this is kinda the only reason why I chose geo? Like clearly she is loyal to dante (albeit she's snarky and rude about it) and going solely off of faith here, I have to assume she was loyal during the war. I think maybe Navia, Gorou and Ningguang fit this? Kinda-ish-err???

I chose hydro at the end for Heath (other than the silly reason) because I don't think any other vision fits him as well as hydro. All I can think of is his love and care for Cathy. He did everything BECAUSE of Cathy. His heart and soul belongs to her, even if there was a chance that she didn't feel the same way. Even Erlking Heath rampages because of his love (and heartbreak) from Catherine. (Can you tell I love HeathCath? Can you tell I'd do anything for Cathy to come back, and for them to be together all the time and be happy????) I do fw electro Heathcliff though, like I did think for half a second about it, but now I'm thinking about it for more than half a second:)

I did put my thought together about Heath because I'm just now finishing the Fontaine story quest, and Heath kinda reminds me of Furina (her love for Fontaine, his love for Cathy....,,)

I changed Ryoshu from anemo to pyro. I was reminded that she doesn't desire the freedom to "paint the world". She will simply just do it. She will do anything to get what she wants, and no one can stop her. And thinking about it now, melt Sinclair and Ryoshu sounds so fun??? (Sinclair Ryoshu friendship is REAL!!!)

Meursault as cryo is kinda a soul read? I don't know much about his source material, or about him in general so I can't make a good take on this. Like, most of my thoughts come from this https://x.com/The_Dontist/status/1897383719822115056?t=LsXsnh_NPejoRqFcRefEGg&s=19

Same thing with Faust, I'm REALLY bad at reading his character. I just see I'm and go "Oh man, this could be just like Wriothesley" and my dumb gay little brain goes haywire.

I ended up picking Anemo for Hong Lu. This is kind of another soul read, but I also think that he ran from his family instead of going on a "learning journey" like he said he was doing. In the check up intervallo, he was one of the two sinners that was picked for the wrath test fight, and I mean.. clearly he's hiding something about his hidden wrath. His family must have done something to make him hide his rage, and he must of gotten tired of it so he left, or is using this "journey" as an excuse of some kind to be free from their grasp.

Most of my 3 hours was spent talking about Hong Lu and his hidden wrath, and how his canto BP will give him his first ever wrath ego and I'm so excited about that. I'm a Hong Lu fan, I love my pretty, silly, fella who goes "Waow¡!!"

[batsplat]

what press conference is that and what lies is Valentino telling 😭😭😭

I’m always obsessed w the Case - J Lo - Vale pressers bc I feel like Jorge actively dissociates anytime he’s not asked a question (bc he’s already internally mapping out his answers to the next 20 possible questions he could be asked), Casey simmers n stews n hates every second of being there, and Vale is just always having the time of his life

(side note but rly underrated skill of his!! to be able to pretend you actually enjoy the press element!! maybe he’s not pretending, maybe he really is just able to turn it On that often & that easily…but idk I’ve been a longtime f1 fan too & the way Vale is able to make press conferences ~fun, or at least project that he’s having fun during them, is incredibly rare)

((i recognize “underrated” is probably not the right term generally speaking for the guy who is widely recognized as like the greatest showman the sport’s ever had lol. just that i personally underrate it & then am always pleasantly surprised when i watch almost any press conference of his))

(text posts here) this is from aragon 2011, a point in their relationship where quite honestly casey didn't need much of an excuse to give valentino the stink eye

there's not anything in the presser you'd actively expect casey to want to kill valentino with his mind over (beyond valentino's terminal affinity for yapping at anyone in his vicinity in these things). maybe valentino commenting on how fast casey and ducati had been at aragon the last year somehow attracted casey's ire? maybe valentino reiterating he was going to race in japan (a major talking point throughout that year - valentino and jorge had initially been united in launching a bit of a riders' revolt on that issue, including meeting at jorge's motorhome at a time when relations between them were otherwise... uh, frosty; eventually it had been casey and jorge who were the final holdouts, with casey still not willing to 100% commit at aragon)... generally though, I reckon this is mostly just how casey looked at valentino those days

though that reminds me, there's one specific question where, if I were valentino, honestly I'd be tempted to off myself - but somehow it's casey who manages to look quite awkward while valentino just laughs

Q: Different question for you, Casey - any advice for Valentino this weekend? This is where you turned your season around last year. ... Ride faster? CS: Do something drastic, I don't know... (mumbles) [Same for me?]

absolute all timer dynamic idk, look at casey's little nervous tics while valentino is grinning at him

so self-conscious god bless

anyway, here's the presser photo

expression gets gradually more enthusiastic as you move to the right. not reflective of current competitive situation

and yeah I find their different styles of engagement v interesting!! jorge's also gone on a bit of an arc with this over the years... you've got these very early clips where he still needs a translator in the presser (not at all uncommon, dovi for instance was the same) and he's just deeply awkward but also quite enthusiastic, then you get to his first premier class years where... y'know, he's clearly not a natural at this, but he WANTS to be, he WANTS to engage with the process and be charming and all the rest of it... and then by 2011 he's kind of given up. 2010 was great for his career but less great for his popularity, and it's really when you can feel the disillusionment creeping in. he never quite loses that part of himself, still obviously wants to win hearts and minds... but yeah. he's never been particularly up for listening to his peers in these things, but by this point in time he did clearly want to fast forward through these things. default state is zoning out

casey might be a well-known sceptic of any kind of engagement with the public - but he's actually a self-professed people watcher, he likes sitting around quietly observing people. one of my fave lil autobiography nuggets:

I like to think I can read people very well, especially people I get to study a lot, and when I come in during a session to make changes to the bike that is exactly what I am doing. The mechanics might think that because I have got my visor down I'm just sitting there doing nothing but I'm observing everything and I could see they weren't coping well with the pressure of having the big bosses watching over them.

'my mechanics think I'm doing nothing but actually I'm sitting with my visor down secretly observing them' is such a. a deeply funny line, deeply casey line. not sure I'm convinced the mechanics would prefer to know that this is what casey was doing, but there we are. in any case, obviously casey doesn't SAY this but I don't think it's a massive leap to suggest he was doing the same thing in pressers. ofc I enjoy using these photos in text posts because they kinda tell their own story, but I should note that to some extent this is just casey's resting face. like,, if I'm sufficiently motivated obviously I can also make a 'casey doesn't fw dani' version

now admittedly, there are way fewer photos of casey staring at dani and jorge (or indeed anyone else) than there are of him staring at valentino... arguably even in the years where valentino is very much no longer casey's main on-track rival. but like, there's also relatively less photos of casey making heart eyes at those other two guys. whether this genuinely reflects how much staring casey was doing or is just the result of photographer bias (no criticism, I too would be documenting every look casey sends valentino's way) or a combination of the two... who knows. but I DO think that casey was very much committed to studying valentino, including by doing this little staring act in pressers. slightly clashes with his whole 'oh I don't care about my rivals' schtick, but, well, casey's no stranger to a bit of an internal contradiction. so he's quietly studying and quietly judging and quietly seething... LEARNING from the enemy by documenting every last detail of his side profile. or something

and yeah lol massive props to valentino not getting tired of this week in week out. admittedly in pressers specifically he does also frequently entertain himself by choosing the nearest convenient victim to yap at, which both jorge and casey very obviously found an annoying habit at times. (shout out to misano 2016 where jorge and valentino started bickering in the presser and jorge afterwards went HE NEVER SHUTS UP IN THESE THINGS, which, like, wasn't particularly relevant in that specific situation and clearly had just been something he'd been sitting on for years.) both jorge and casey have also actively turned to valentino on at least one occasion in a presser to indicate that they would like him to shut the fuck up - and both times valentino has complied, so theoretically at least they could have put a stop to this. so, y'know, it probably doesn't hurt if you're the type of guy willing to make your own fun in these pressers, even when it comes at the active cost of the sanity of the people around you. beyond that though, yup. I mean it's probably a good attitude to have if that's literally your whole life. I think it's always done valentino a lot of good that he's fundamentally a curious type of bloke who is curious about other people. journalists DO piss him off a lot of the time, but in theory it's a process he likes engaging with because he likes talking and he likes listening. honestly did miracles for the vibes of these things, like the f1 thing is a good point because I sometimes watch motogp pressers these days and go. man. this place could do with a yapper

[ca-suffit]

First off - I really appreciate what you do here, I'm new to fandom spaces and the things you post about have crystalized what bothered me in this fandom, which has made the experience of sifting through it much easier, knowing why some people's takes make me wildly uncomfortable and why I wasn't convinced by the big blogs big loud voices yelling at me what to think and how. There's an objectivity to your words that takes me out of the shipping war, book nostalgia, societal issue-blind mindset a lot of loud people here flaunt like some intellectual commentary, when it's not.

That aside, I know you mostly comment on fandom racism, but I've been confused for some time with how this fandom deals with transgender AUs. I know that a while back there was a lot of heated discourse and some big blogs saying that Louis shouldn't be feminized, dismissing critique of patriarchy which the show makes so clear, and misinterpreting Lestat's place in the familial structure etc. Now, I'm not talking about that, I wholeheartedly agree with Louis being a feminine (and maternal) figure in regards to gender roles, and with his general demeanor, as well. Though he is more subdued in that sense and gets misinterpreted, due to people used to something more outright like Lestat's flamboyancy.

And I know a lot of fic was written at first to spite the people who were uncomfortable with the notion of a clearly feminized Louis, which brought out MPreg, A/B/O, breeding kink, crossdressing, GNC, and even trans (FTM or MTF) iterations. I've read some great work involving most of those (though I've never wanted to check out any applying to Lestat, since most of them seem ridiculous) which was careful, mindful and made sure to respectfully use real life sensitive tropes, such as transness.

But I've also seen really crude, insensitive, and outright unconvincing characterization of an FTM Louis. Empowerment through writing is great, and I know transmasc writers can vent through the process, but some work has had such blatant fetishization of trans men, and it gets lumped in with praise along other, more serious and deserving fics. Not every FTM Louis is empowering, and I just can't get behind people writing a trans man that's turned on by being called a wife, having his genitalia spoken about in an outright feminized and crude way, AND ENJOYING THE THOUGHT OF GETTING PREGNANT.

Now, I know that various people's dysphoria allows for different things, but the amount of trans men that actually have a single positive thought about pregnancy, their female genitalia being spoken about, or having womanly roles forced upon them in relationships, is so low that writing about it without consideration becomes quite offensive. If you want a mindless smut one-shot of a pregnant or willing to be Louis, go for him as a cis gay man with a breeding kink, for A/B/O, bogus science, or honestly, fucking anything besides him being an FTM.

And I say this especially because I know it's not just trans men reading those crude and smutty iterations, it's also, and mostly, people who have hurt me and many other transmasc individuals with their disgusting chaser behaviour. Talking about it brings up many hurtful memories and I won't go farther for risk of becoming too subjective and affected, but I think trans AUs really shouldn't be treated with as much ease as they are.

first, thank u for the compliments!! I don't rly hear nice things here so it's appreciated when anyone takes time to give feedback and let me know this is doing something.

second, trans stuff is still under the racial umbrella as there's a lot of trans people of color here who get ignored in favor of white fandom bullshit all the time.

idk all the ins and outs of this but my main question reading this was.....are the fics being written by trans ppl or no? Cuz it's one thing if it's trans ppl expressing a spectrum of an identity and another if it's a non trans person using an identity to meet some kind of plot end and not considering the real implications of that. It sounds like it's the latter but I got a little confused.

[mozzaroni]

ch 166 thoughts (spoilers ahead)

my thoughts aren't super coherent and i probably won't say too much anyways [I'M HALFWAY DONE WRITING AND LET ME JUST SAY I WAS WRONG. AS I USUALLY AM WHEN I CLAIM THINGS SUCH AS THIS] but bear with me here.

i see a lot of ppl posting about denji breaking down about how he always prioritizes sex and making bottom surgery/trans jokes out of it. while i love trans hcs, i rly think that claiming a scene like this solely has to do with denji being trans isn't in good taste.

denji has been shown to have a really complex relationship with sexuality in general, enough so that it's one of the main themes of the story. people tend to make jokes out of it and sure, while there are some parts of it that are ridiculous, it's a very real thing. denji struggles with hypersexuality, enough that he puts himself in situations he'd honestly rather not be in because he feels like sex is the only thing he can fall back on if nothing else. (now especially because his family is gone. notice how his sexual desire sort of deteriorated the longer he was living in the hayakawa residence? you know, the place and the people he could fall back on? the one that was violently torn from him? yeah, that one. yeah.) it's like an addiction, if not one entirely.

in this chapter, denji faces glaring consequences to his actions. (not extreme; glaring. obvious. ones that even denji's scrambled brain is able to process) it's almost ironic, considering how he's gotten himself in other situations of a similar nature to this one that had much more drastic consequences and were in much more dire circumstances, yet this situation, where he's not in any imminent danger (or at least not any more than usual), is the one that causes his resolve to crack.

i think that seeing the brothel physically in pieces made something click in denji's mind. the debris is a physical representation of the idea that sex isn't this big grand thing that will solve all of denji's problems and make it so he doesn't feel so awful like he does. it's just a bunch of wood and metal painted in fancy colors. i feel like throughout the whole story, since denji hasn't ever experienced sex (as far as we know), he has a very skewed idea of it; that it will make him feel this ultimate pleasure that will make all his problems seem minuscule in comparison. i don't think that denji ultimately wants sex persay; i think he just wants to feel good in a literal sense. i think he wants to be rid of the bad feelings he experiences that rise up from all the horrid things he's gone through and i think he wants to be able to feel satisfaction and happiness and good emotions like that. instead what he does, since he doesn't have access to it, is throw all those emotions in a blender and turn it on high, blending his own brain in the process and rendering his thinking skills inoperative. i think that considering he was brought up throughout most of his childhood surrounded by gruff, violent men and (mostly(?)) without a proper maternal figure, that he'd think whatever they use to cope (probably picked up from the things they talk about/the things he's heard in general) should work with him; something like sex.

denji's gone through a lot of character development, and it's all been coming to a head in these recent chapters. in this chapter, he's openly and outwardly recognizing that his "ultimate goal" for sex is getting in the way of his other priorities. we don't yet know if he wants to get rid of this desire or wants to keep it (represented/talked about via his genitals because denji doesn't have the mental capacity to think about it too hard and describe it in any other way), but if i know anything about this kinda stuff, i'm gonna assume it'll be a bit of both. letting go of something you've been clinging to for so long is not at all an easy thing to do, especially considering how frail of a mental state denji's right now.

uhh yeah. that's it. i'm excited to see where fujimoto goes with this eheeheeheeeee 😋

[fu-yuuki]

Part 2 of KanaMafu!! To be honest I didn't rly wanted to continue this fic because of the tiny coincidence of the part 1 of the fic and the most recent Nightcord at 2500 Saying Goodbye to My Masked Self but I still finished it :> Soo,, i hope you'll enjoy this fic!! 💖

~~~~~~

KANAMAFU Part 2

"Just why... Why do you want to to this to me..." Mafuyu questioned. She had her lifeless eyes staring into her mother's eyes.

"Mafuyu, it is for your own good. You will then not spend precious time with those 'good for nothing' friends. Don't you want to become a doctor in the future? You will have to remove these distractions from your life, " Mafuyu's mom retorted, leaving no more suitable arguments for Mafuyu to add on.

"G-go away...."

"What did you say?"

"I SAID- GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU!" Mafuyu gasped as she grabbed tightly on her chest.

************

Mafuyu eyes flew open suddenly, gasping for air.

"M- Mafuyu? Are you okay?" Kanade's soft hands brushed across Mafuyu's cheek.

"I think so.." Mafuyu's voice trailed away as she tried to avoid Kande's eye contact.

She knew very well Kanade was worried about her well being especially realising that whatever Kaito said in Sekai is true. Her mind was filled with questions. "Can you really accept that?" Kaito's words still echoed in her head. "She's trying to kill your own emotions. Is there any point for sympathy?"

A warm hand pulled her into an embrace, her thoughts all vanished into this air. All she could focus on was the first warm embrace that she had from what she remembered. Her face buried in the crook of Kanade's neck.

"Did you cook something? I smell pancakes," Mafuyu asked, her voice muffled.

"I thought I could surprise you by cooking pancakes for breakfast, you looked like you didn't ate dinner last night," Kanade could feel her heart racing, her face turning redder by the second as she realised how close Mafuyu was.

"Mochizuki-san also taught me some recipes last week.. I thought I'd cook breakfast for us.." Kanade tried to calm her heart down as she tried to move to make herself comfortable.

This...feeling... it feels so warm.. Mafuyu gripped onto Kanade's slim waist subconsciously and held her chin up.

"M-Mafuyu....?" She looked up with a confused face as she watched Mafuyu inched closer to her face placing her lips on Kanade's pale lips.

"Kanade, lets eat first," Mafuyu broke off the kiss, her hands over her lips unable to process everything that just happened.

She was still in daze as Mafuyu led her out of her room noticing how much effort Kanade placed just to make breakfast for the both of them. Especially how she was not an early bird. Mafuyu walked towards one of the chair next to the dining table and sat on it, pulling her's waist making her sit on her lap.

"How long?" Mafuyu questioned while taking a bite of the meal prepared by Kanade

"H..how long what...?" Kanade questioned back, enjoying the warmth from Mafuyu's body.

"How long have you liked me?" Mafuyu turned her head to face Kanade, her hands that were once holding the cutlery is now around her thin waist.

"Your smile... During that time where we released Kanadetomosusora your smile was the prettiest I seen... I didn't want you to lose your hope on finding your feelings back that time so that was my goal but, after you smiled, that was my goal... to make sure that you can smile brightly feeling happy," Kanade looked straight into Mafuyu's eye, serious but with a light hint of pink on her cheeks.

"Thank you.. For being by my side all these times.." Mafuyu's heart felt warm, comforted, away from everything but music and the one dearest to her, Kanade. Her Kanade. Her music. Will always be close to her heart never far away from her again.

~~~~~~

UWAA IM FINISHED WITH THIS FIC!!! I can't believe I managed to finish this, knowing that I took very long to complete part 2 of this fic  😅 . I apologise for not beta reading but ill make sure that ill re-read it soon!!

ps: i might open a request if you all are interested :>

[faaun]

Im someone who used to identify as bi but I had only dated cishet men, and when I came out as nonbinary, i realized those relationships were not for me and I in turn had my lesbian/sapphic only crisis. Now a few years have gone by and im having a real moment being like… bi men are so hot to me. And you said you identified as a lesbian for so long before reconsidering. How did you figure it out? I always worry its just gender envy or aesthetic attraction. There’s no opportunity in my life right now to find someone to help me figure it out (considering I’m also demisexual), and plus I wouldn’t want to accidentally lead someone on if it turned out I wasn’t attracted to them like that. Thank you so much for being open about your experiences! It is really nice to hear other people going through similar things

hi anon ! for me personally, i started hanging out around men more since i started university (previously went to all girls schools), during which i was briefly attracted to some of them, esp bc they also happened to be lovely people so the way they behaved didn't put me off. i also talked to some bi people and lesbians and learned that truly, if you are functionally a lesbian but were (for example) attracted to a guy once last year but don't rly want to be w one, there is no real clear answer for your sexuality that anyone can give you and similarly, no one (bar lesphobic/biphobic people) will judge you for whatever label you land on. similarly, you don't have to choose a label at all! you don't have to figure it out at all, ever! just keep yourself open to things, if you find that you are attracted to a guy that's great, if you find yourself never attracted to a guy again that's also great! if you change your mind ten more times, that's also fine :) it might sound unsatisfying but over the long term, it's a lot better than trying to decide on A Label, Immediately when u rly don't know, which can be a pointless endeavour :) there are better things in life to focus on!

unfortunately the usual advice i would give for "fast tracking" the process would be basically going on dates w (but not necessarily dating) guys, but since you are demisexual i'm not sure this would apply. you did mention that you find bi guys hot, so perhaps that is a sign? i don't have much experience w gender envy and to me, if i find someone attractive aesthetically that just means i find them attractive in general, so i think i'm not super qualified to give advice on those points. however, if anyone reads this and has any input, pls feel free to share !

[cheswirls]

oh the woes of having multiple hobbies....

i think it being artfight month is making me sink back into the 'i shouldn't want to do anythin but draw until this is done' mood i usually have during the semester which is.. ick, kinda

the other day i had the urge to write (unmedicated too!! that doesn't happen very often anymore!) and i should've jus acted upon that but i ended up guilttripping myself w the whole 'you should do art instead its only 30 days its only once a year' which is already so suffocating. i ended up doing neither actually in part bc i psyched myself out abt making a choice so in the nd i made no choice (typical when unmedicated so this is the okay-ish norm tbh) and think i tired myself out enough to go to sleep. i woke up to an art file on my laptop so i intented to start smth i guess

also i think checking out an ipad from campus during the semester is so much easier to draw on vs the hassle that is drawing on my display tablet these days. i miss my wacom if only bc it was wireless and thin and easy to power on and get going. with this new tablet i have to plug in 3 diff cords and its bulkier nd i gotta scoot my laptop on my desk to still be in reach bc the tablet has no touch function and it takes A LOT of power and effort out of my laptop thats 12 yrs old now. it makes drawing digitally that much more of a chore tbh and is partially the reason i've doodled so much traditionally in the past year and kept all my digital art for uni work only

which another point. is uh. idk i think i'm rambling now but. last year i got super excited for artfight and drafted a bunch of stuff digitally and was sitting at the coffee table in the main room of my apt for the first time in so long and it was going well until i got rly into tetherverse again n started working on the sequel like mad and that stole away a lot of my drawing motivation. i had two handfuls of of artfight attacks sketched and only ever finished a SINGLE one last year which was terribly disappointing. and then i think realizing that at the end of the month absolutely killed my desire to work on the writing project i'd grown so passionate about too. vicious cycle all around rly.

i dont want it to be llike that this year but once again now that artfight is here even tho its a fun thing i've made it a "requirement" in my mind which kills all my passion to work on it. i think the term is... obligation? when something turns from doing it for fun into an obligation i Have to complete then i lose allllllll motivation and desire to do it. it's THEEE reason i'm always telling my dad i could never write books for a living, bc writing is a hobby first nd foremost and although i enjoy it a lot i know as soon as i become tied down to a project and i Have To complete it or face consequences then it will suck all the fun out of it

this is the same way for school and part of the reason uni's been so hard since.... ever, really, and it's jus taken me long to realise it. i get really into an art project at the start and then as deadlines and check-ins and such creep up i become less and less engaged. i have no trouble completing things in one sitting if given the time to do so if i'm 100% invested and engaged. during spring break 2022 i stayed up for almost three nights and two days and did nothing but research and write almost 25k for a fic opener. if i had work or anything else those days i literally cannot recall. the only thing i remember doing is taking a break to walk 15min to go and pay rent and that's when it rly set in how much caffeine i'd had and how long i'd been up writing.

all of that to say that if i'm into something i can waste away working until it's done. i've said this before bit making a wip folder for art Killed��� my art creating process. i used to have one file open and work on it until it was done, and if that took me more than one full day then i'd sleep on it and finish it the very next day. i don't rmember that happening very often. now i leave things unfinished all the time and its terrible. i also have a Lot Less free time to be fair but also. also. i cannot multitask so as soon as i save a wip and move on to the next it fucking bites the dust. i've gotten into the habit of leaving smth unfinished in another window on csp in hopes that i'll jump bck to it but i stopped that after a while bc i jus collect windows like i collect internet browser tabs.

i also think to go along w the time thing.. i have to mentally acknowledge that i have sufficient time to devote to smth. i'm not the type of person that can do smth for 15 min then jump up and do smth else. if i could write 100 words a day for a fic every day then i'd have far, far less wips than i do now. its harder especially to do this for fic bc a lot of what i do is longer work and sometimes i have to sink into it. if i'm writing for a 50k+ fic i haven't touched for even a month then i need time to go over what i have and what my plans are. it's much harder to work on a longer fic after a bit has passed than it is to pick up a shorter one bc it requires less time to dive back into the world. especially if its been like 6mo-1yr, before i even start writing again i gotta reread everything i've written up to that point. that takes more than a day, and i might get tired and move on to smth else before i've even finished rereading which is so exhausting. it's exhausting to work on so many diff things at once.

with art that means i gotta have time to fight w my display tablet and get everything settled. it takes so much work and effort that if i only have a couple hours, i feel like even that's not enough bc i know i'll have to stop before i'm done. if it takes me 90 minutes to get into drawing and i gotta be ready to leave in another 30 then like whats???? the point rly???? that's how i think tho!!!! it sucks !!!!! if i'm up at 8am but ik i have smth to do at 5p then my whole day revolves around that thing happening in 9 hrs. when it hits 12p i theoretically have enough time to do smth but executive dysfunction makes it hard to pick a singular task to prioritize, and when its 3hrs away from w/e i have to do suddenly nothing is worth it anymore. i'm very much a 'sink into it' creative person which means i cannot jus dive in and work on smth. i gotta have music, i gotta have some focus, i gotta be comfortable, i gotta have my mood set to w/e i'm doing, i gotta know what direction i'm going in,a nd i gotta have energy and enthusiasm to do said creative task. all of that aligning w/ inattentive adhd is so hard and makes life so miserable, but this is compounded even moreeeeeee by not being able to work unless i make my mind feel like i have ample time to do so. mainly bc if i get rly into smth then have to stop for an obligation that i'd rather do less (mainly work! rather would do anything but work but alas) than what i'm doing currently then it drains all my energy very rapidly and i get so disappointed. w/e i'm doing after, whether it be work or class or w/e, is with an air of such disdain bc it interrupted the 'special thing i was doing' that it makes life hell in all honesty. i want to put myself thru that the least amount of times possible which is why i never start anything i know i'll have to put down w/o being able to finish. let me rephrase that. being able to finish as i'd like it. working on a super long fic but writing enough for a chapter or running out of steam on my own and finishing a scene and then being dragged away to smth else is fine, bc i've "finished" on my end even if not in full. it's being interrupted in the middle of the process when i'm not ready to quit, basically. that kind of "finished" is what i mean. if i have 2 hrs and it takes me an hr to find references and i'm not exhausted after that then another 20m to sketch smth decent and only with like half an hr or so left am i into what i'm doing then what's the point?? especially when, as established, i can push a drawing into the wip folder and forget abt it if i'm no longer "into it" when i'm back and have time to draw again.

long rambling i'm tired of but basically it's the season of drawing obligations again and i wanna try this year to have fun and do what i want but ALSo not feel guilty abt doing smth that is not drawing for other ppl, which i already do so much of year round anyway (i love it, this is not a complaint). i wanna be able to write and play pkmn and read and do whatever and not feel like i Have to be artfighting every second of the day.

[calvatier]

Ki'thka (pronounced more like Keethicka) lil drow guy who almost got turned into a drider but the process was halted and now hes like....a quarter drider??

He's a lil cleric,,,if you don't mind his exoskeleton spidery feeling hands then he'd fix you up perfectly 🥺

DW he's just as scared about his body as you are 🥲it's a constant reminder of his past and what may come to him if he doesn't do something abt it

I honestly love drawing his poses,, the way he fidgets with his hands/arms out of insecurity is so real to me 😔 his posture and how he wishes to keep himself out of attention is so fun to draw, I always drew more bold characters so it's nice to have one that's more 'hidden'

His hands are out constantly because he needs to make skin to skin contact in order to heal, so he can't rly hide his affliction even if he wanted to

[a-stone-in-flight]

WOW @orangeswithsquirrelfaces your mind is something else! it was so much fun to read your more than slightly wacky and wise thoughts (and Tumblr sucks for deleting the initial version, but the quality of your writing is very impressive).

here's my response to your response to my response to your response to my response to your respinse to my post (lol for sure):

oh my godd baptizing frittatas with wild geese?? reverse cremation?? of an alligator?? and then an ex-con raccoon??? now that would be the best party ever. my only question is whether the firework permit rumor was true (and I love the idea of someone throwing such a wild and bizarre party but still making sure to ask for permission for fireworks)

also, your puns are objectively wonderful and I cannot be convinced otherwise :)

as for everything being a lamp: not sure if i agree but I am definitely quoting you on that.

that alarm clock (if it can even be called that) is uh definitely mildly excessive. and migraines are definitely the worst enemy

morse code is cool and at one point i memorized the whole alphabet (and punctuation) but it slipped out of my head like a party guest who heard there wouldn't be any frittatas. however i am evilly jotting down your one true weakness and will evilly use it against you in a very evil way mwahahaha

i also agree abt symbolism making everything better. well, to an extent. imagine if EVERYTHING was symbolic - what if we're all trapped in a story what if the computer I'm writing this on represents the slow corruption and destabilization of humanity and our growing dependence on technology and it dying on me will foreshadow our INEVITABLE DOOM or what if the sweater I'm wearing is symbolic of uhh familial love and if I take it off it'll be a betrayal of that or uhh if the tree outside my window is a symbolic manifestation of the increasingly fragile influence of nature in suburbia, reaching up enough to touch glass but not breaking through to us WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

mightve gotten a bit carried away there but yeah symbolism >>

and same everything tends to get existential with me too sooner or later and i definitely dont mind it. what would life be without reflecting on it? how could we live well without pondering how to live? idrk but i think existentialism is an inherent and necessary part of existence.

and holy wow thank you for your sharing your thoughts on change and creativity. that's a rly beautiful way to see it. your writing is so poetic and thoughtful and thought-provoking. if that's your rambling, idk if i could process planned writing.

also, speaking of narcissus, i had no idea that the flower itself didn't couldn't actually grow near water. that is incredibly fascinating and adds another layer to the story, imo.

have you ever read "the alchemist" by paulo coehlo? it starts with someone reading a story abt narcissus, in which the lake becomes salty (or saltea lol) after his death bc the lake cries at the loss of him, not because he was beautiful, but bc the lake could see its own beauty in his eyes.

things like that are so compelling, and they make me wonder if the inclusion of nature in the story is a veneer hiding smth else — a truth abt humanity, and its obsession with itself. lakes don't love seeing themselves in another's eyes — but humans do. to see yourself through someone else, to know who you are when you're with them — to see your faults and your flaws and your strength and your beauty and someone being there with you, for you, sharing a moment — I think that's what that story is about. I love the version of narcissus' story in "the alchemist," and particularly the way it's not just there without context, but included in the story, the way a character reads it and finds it lovely. is it lovely to turn a one-sided and punishable obsession into an impossible mutual fascination of self-recognition in another? I think so.

idk if you've seen good omens, but one of the reasons I love the main character's dynamic is how well it portrays that concept. in an interview, I think one of the actors was asked "what's aziraphale's favorite thing abt crowley?" and he responded "I can see myself in your eyes" (or smth like that, I can't remember the exact phrasing.) and in this story they've known each other for millennia, been each other's constant through wars and deaths and losses, seen each other at their best and at their worst, and learned from each other. and crowley usually wears reflective sunglasses to hide his demon eyes, so in public, aziraphale can always see himself when he looks at crowley — a buttoned-up, prim and proper angel. but when they're alone together and crowley takes off his glasses, aziraphale sees himself in a different way — more distorted, yet more accurate. someone crowley trusts with the truth of him. someone worth crowley's trust, after countless mistakes. and that tells him more abt himself than looking in the mirror ever would.

also, have u ever read ocean vuong's writing? I think in his novel "on earth we're briefly gorgeous" he mentions the allegory of narcissus, and how a professor said that it represented homosexuality and an unhealthy obsession with oneself. which, so much eugh to unpack there, but what ocean vuong said abt it was something incredible:

"Maybe we look into mirrors not merely to seek beauty, regardless how illusive, but to make sure, despite the facts, that we are still here. That the hunted body we move in has not yet been annihilated, scraped out. To see yourself still yourself is a refuge men who have not been denied cannot know."

using nature as a symbol of that, comparing a human reassuring themself that they're still there to a flower impossibly growing, is something natural. something beautiful, even. because flowers don't do that, lakes don't do that — but humans do, because we need to, because it's built into us. as beautiful as the red orange flame of autumn, as fickle and predictable as the changing of weather, as natural as the pitter patter of raindrops, humans come and go, live and die, ask themselves who am I? and if they're lucky, they find the answer in another. (or just with introspection obv ppl don't need romantic connection to be fulfilled lol)

I've never thought abt change the way you do — honestly, I've resented change more often than not. when I'm in a happy moment, I always want it to last forever. I never want good things to end, and even though it's inevitable, it always feels like a betrayal when they do.

but youre completely right, and I love the way you put it. no story would be good if the protagonist was always happy and never did anything different. change and chaos do brings new beginnings, new adventures, and new joy. and I'd like to believe that change will always exist, that it's impossible for the universe to become stagnant as long as there's life in it (ignoring the eventual the heat death of the universe or wtvr). then again, someone very wise once said "everything is a lamp," and all lamps turn off eventually :(

anyway, I should also hit the hay (that expression always feels so fun and whimsical) thank u for sharing your wise thoughts and your funny ones — reading them is definitely such a blast. if you read through my disjointed rambles thank you so much :) I hope you're having a good day/night!

EDIT: just wanna share a couple relevant and objectively funny comic strips on these topics

characters of all time

[1111jenx]

Placements that indicate someone deeply dark and secretive or won’t open up easily with many trust issues?

I love how you guys always ask the best questions:) Here are some things I've been noticing. Please keep in mind that this is strictly from my observations and research, if needed i'll link the links for yall to read more into it🖤

Astrology Notes:

Trust Issues Edition🌙

for more post like this click here

Capricorn suns with some Aquarius placements (or heavily fixed placements)/Capricorn Venus: They're naturally cold and detached with the outer world, very business-like and a lot of ambitions (capricorn rules over general business matters and air conditioning LOL i'm dead serious guys) -> Struggles with opening up sometimes, they had a harder trusting people because they always have to watch their back but these people can also be extremely possessive of their loved ones. emotional security matters a lot but will not show you. hate being seen as "weak" or a "failure". prideful by nature but cries themselves to sleep. keep getting wronged by the ones they trusted most.

Capricorn moon: selfish tendencies and their loved ones need to know this. will call you out. will get back at you for what you did. they know that everything comes with a price. don't believe in karma sometimes.

Aquarius moon: complexity and complicated thought processes. may come off as confident and relaxed but are extremely anxious and neurotic. their inner emotions are deep and dark, very similar to pisces but less dreamy and more idealistic. always look guarded. aquarius moons are tired of being disappointed so they just don't think about it anymore. tired of trusting.

Pisces moon: queens and kings of feels. understand emotions on another level. easily relate to pain and suffers and can "put themselves in others shoes". innocent and childlike sometimes. get used for their kindness and vulnerability. they tend turn to hate this side of them and put on a show of being heartless and unemotional to keep these energies vampires away. don't trust people easily anymore because they know people can't keep promises. suspicious but hate themselves for being suspicious.

Gemini moon: emotionally numb now cause they gave people too much chances. don't tell people everything they're thinking about because they would not be able to say it all. retreat when they sense harm.

Cancer moon/Scorpio moon: been there done that. they know they have too big of a heart and they refuse to be jerked around like clowns any longer. can be surprisingly sociable but they prefer a smaller circle. find the smallest holes in people's words. judgy simply because they don't wanna risk it anymore.

Taurus moon: too relaxed but if placed w an air sun can have a huge conflicts between their inner world and ego. crave stability deep down but come off as charming and flirtatious so people might not take them seriously. very fixed in values. similar to their sister Scorpio Moon, they just don't forget.

Aquarius sun with a lot of Capricorn/Saturn influences: similar to Capricorn sun with Aqua influences but they tend to analyze and rationalize everything. Try to give people chances but surprisingly hate being surprised now, risks sound fun but not all the time kinda mentality. they're also a fixed sign so they take betrayal rly hard.

Sun in 10H: boss bitch placement, also can go so wrong because they know their thirst for success is real and may assume others will also not spare anything to achive success.

Sun in 8H: goodluck getting them to open up LOL

Sun in 12H: empathetic people. fear intimacy but also love it and don't like having too much close friends.

1H/2H/8H/10H/12H stellium: 1st and 2nd house stellium know that at the end of the day they can only rely on themselves so they'd rather act selfish now than be disappointed . 8H is naturally secretive and don't give in easily. 10,12th house stelliums care for people deeply but they're socially intelligent and don't want to put up with bs or get used for their kindness and humanitarian sides anymore

Scorpio stellium/ Pluto dominant people: .....i'm not gonna explain this.

4th house stellium: This deserves its own section. 4H stellium can't even trust their own family at one point, you rly expect them to trust you?

air mars+capricorn/cancer mars: guarded people. defensive but more like they're always ready to defend themselves type beat rather than losing it. it's even harder for them to trust than water mars.

air mercury+capricorn/virgo mercury: detached and calculating.

3H ruler aspects to Pluto/Saturn: realistic thinkers. will not say stuff that jeopardize their lives. their head can sometimes be faster than their hearts.harsh with their words and can be naturally sarcastic to test people's limits. push others buttons before people can trigger their own. (squares, conjunctions)

Lilith in 1H, 3H, 4H, 8H, 10H and 11H.

Pluto in 1H, 4H, 7H, 8H and 10H.

Damaged Ceres(ceres~our second moon signs, what we need to feel nurtured and love) if damaged or has a lot of aspects to Pluto/Saturn and a lot of squares/oppositions to personal planets can show one's inability to tap in their sensible side.

Lilith in cardinal and fixed signs.

Moon harsh aspects to Pluto/Saturn&Lilith (conjunctions, squares and opposition)!

Lilith conjuncts Moon

Sun square/conjuncts Lilith.

Venus squares Mercury or Moon.

Saturn opposites Sun or Moon.

Earth in the first house/ Earth risings

Chart ruler in 2H,4H, 8H, 12H and 10H.

Here are some indicators I'd pay attention too:) Thank you so much for asking boo!

love,

saint jenx🖤