#i don’t know if i’m emotionally stable enough for this

[totheslaydogs]

it’s so doppover

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.

[stellewriites]

PART TWO

summary: by chance you and your emotionally unavailable husband meet a friendly couple that invite you stay at their farmhouse in scotland. however the time spent there with johnny & kyle has you questioning if there’s a dark side to them you didn’t see before.

a speak no evil au - masterlist

notes: manipulative johnny & kyle, piv, noncon, somno, never explicitly acknowledged abusive relationship between reader and her husband (financial, physical, emotional, coercive control), drinking, murder, it’s dead dove horror people!! heed the warnings

despite your best efforts, elliot’s words had gotten to you the night before and it had made you cautious to sit downstairs for breakfast; hyperaware of yourself and what kyle and johnny must have thought of you.

you decided to nip down to say good morning - it was only polite - and while you were there you could grab two coffees for yourself and elliot.

you ran into gaz as soon as you got down the stairs.

“morning, sleep ok? johnny said you weren’t hungry last night,” kyle said as soon as he saw you walk into the kitchen, a little concerned frown and pout pulling at his pretty face. “can i make you an omelette? pancakes?”

“pancakes?” you couldn’t help but ask with a smirk.

“johnny likes ‘em.” you snorted.

“an omelette would be good, thanks.”

kyle immediately got up and got to work in the kitchen, letting you take his seat so you were sat closest to the kitchen counter he stood at.

“where is johnny this morning?”

“out with the donkey, loves the early mornings. don’t think his body can get out of the habit of them,” kyle said with a fond roll of his eyes. “means i get to stay in bed and extra thirty though, so i don’t complain.”

he grabbed a mug from the cupboard when the electric kettle clicked off and made a quick drink.

“coffee?” he slid it onto the table next to you. “husband can’t knick this one, eh?”

“oh, thanks.” you took a long sip despite the heat.

“how’d you sleep?” kyle asked again, watching you.

“yeah, good, slept right through,” you lied. you’d tossed and turned all night with elliot groaning in his sleep and you knew you had bags under your eyes to prove it.

kyle nodded and turned back to the eggs he was scrambling in the pan alongside the grated cheese and chopped vegetables he’d chucked in.

“johnny had a great idea last night, and i don’t say that often,” kyle joked. “we thought we could take you out to this little restaurant, up near ballo reservoir and the ruins. it’s ran by an old mate of ours.”

“that sounds fun, yeah,” you agree. you smile a little wider when he turns around with your omelette and sits next to you. you look down at the plate and gawp. “bloody hell, that’s a big omelette.”

kyle laughed. “yeah i figured why make more pots to wash when we could just share,” he said and revealed two forks.

“oh.” you blinked. “…ok.”

kyle didn’t wait for you to change your mind before he was using the side of his fork to cut a mouthful of the omelette off.

“second day in the highlands, what were you thinking of doing?”

you finished chewing your own bite before answering. “elliot will need help during the day i think. hopefully he’ll be able to get a stable enough wifi connection to check his work emails.”

“fuck that,” gaz scoffed. “you should help me in the garden. johnny will sort out your husband if he needs a hand; soap’s got odd jobs around the house he’s doing to keep his hands busy anyways, so it’s no trouble for him to keep an eye on elliot.”

you hesitated, knowing elliot wouldn’t appreciate johnny’s rough handling, but you found it nigh impossible to say no to kyle’s big kind eyes. especially when he was leant in so close.

“then i guess i’m gardening today,” you said bashfully.

---

he showed you around the chicken coop first, let you throw a bit of grain down so the hens would swarm closer as you squatted down among them to pet lightly at their feathers.

“made the henhouse myself,” kyle told you smugly, his chest puffing out further when your head snapped towards him.

“no you fucking didn’t,” you said, your eyes raked over it as if seeing it fresh.

“alright, maybe i had a bit of help from a friend, john - not my johnny - was always handy in his time off during the service. gave him a call an’ he helped me figure it out when my first attempt didn’t go so well,” kyle admitted sheepishly.

you snickered and walked up to the small shed-like structure. you could see it was lovingly made, each decision during its creation had a practical use.

“you and johnny ran into any hobbies or skills you’re not good at?” you joked.

kyle huffed a laugh and tugged you out towards the vegetable plot across the garden. “can’t say we have, love.”

“oh, fuck you,” you laughed and shoved him as you came up to the first raised bed, knocking him of kilter.

“hey, hey watch for the onions,” he laughed as his knee bumped into the wooden side holding the budding vegetables.

“god, this place is huge,” you said wistfully as you rounded to the next bed and noticed the handmade markers.

carrots

tomms

tatties

gaz’s awful radishes

you grinned before running your hands gently along the beans growing high intertwined with the arches joining the raised beds to create a path down the centre towards the greenhouse.

“have some if you’d like,” kyle said and gestured to the pea pod resting on your fingers.

your gripped it tighter and tugged, pressing at the seam gently until it popped. the peas inside were huge, but it was always the crunchy casing that you enjoyed. you took a bite as gaz led you to the greenhouse and let out a deep hum at the refreshing taste.

“just wait until you try the strawberries,” he said teasingly, sliding open the the glass door.

he grabbed a clean empty bowl from the side and handed you it as you crouched to look at the strawberry plants lined up to the right of the spacious greenhouse.

“go ahead.”

you grinned and started picking the ripe ones, sneaking one or two to eat when kyle leant over your shoulder to steal his own.

you dropped the bowl off in the kitchen to rinse later on your way down to the barn.

“weren’t we gardening? why are we going to the barn?” you asked as he led you across the gravel and around the back of the garage.

he pulled open the barn doors with a grunt.

“to grab an extra pair of gardening gloves, but also to check up on marmite. she’s been a bit ill recently, caught her foot on something sharp in her paddock the other day so we’ve been trying to keep her still while she recovers,” kyle said and led you to the stable on the right.

you frowned before you saw the sweet little donkey stood, chomping at its bucket of hay.

“oh my god,” you whispered. “you actually have a donkey.”

kyle frowned at you, confused. “said so earlier didn’t i?”

“i couldn’t tell if you were pulling my leg or not.” you reached out and she slowly lumbered over to you, an obvious limp in one front leg. “will she be ok?”

“oh yeah, vet said she just needed to rest it, nothing major,” he reassured you. “plus she’s been through worse, she’s tough.”

you made an inquisitive noise as you gently petted between her ears and down to her nose.

“when we first found her she was pretty sick, left to rot in a field nearby, so we took her in. took a while for her to get back to full health, but now marmite gets to relax in her own paddock with the few sheep the neighbours let roam. sometimes we take her to the farmer’s market on the weekend when it’s good weather. she likes the work and the kids like to pet her, increases sales when people realise we’re authentic.” he scruffed roughly, but lovingly, under her ear before patting her neck. “give her another month and she’ll be back pulling her cart.”

you cooed, heart melting at the thought of her pulling her own cart with kids petting at her sides. “wait you called her marmite?” the donkey lifted her head at her name.

you bit your lip trying not to laugh as kyle turned an offended look towards you. “it’s a good name,” he defended.

you shook your head.

“this place is so fucking wonderful, kyle,” you said. “i think i could stay here forever,” you whispered.

he pulled you into his side and kissed your temple. “could if you wanted.”

you laughed at his joke and rolled your eyes. “oh yeah the commute to elliot’s work would be fine,” you teased.

kyle shrugged. “i’m sure we could find a solution to that.” you grabbed the gloves and a trowel and headed back towards the garden on a slow walk, waving to johnny through the kitchen window as you passed. “let’s get started on the garden, johnny’s wanting the rhubarb up.”

“making pie?”

“we were planning on going to the market in a couple of days time, if you wanted to come with us,” kyle offered casually. “it’s not like the overpriced shit they do in the city.”

you grinned and nodded. “do they always run it mid-week?”

“mid week every other week and the first weekend of every month,” he said. “you’ve missed the weekend one, which is a shame because it’s always busy and more vendors come.”

“i’m sure i’ll have a blast either way,” you reassured him. “will i be given free cheese like at the place des lices?”

kyle grinned, sharp and teasing. “i’ll bring a block with us if it keeps you hovering by me and johnny’s stall.”

you snorted and elbowed him as you reached the garden again. “behave.”

you dropped to a squat and started rustling through the large green leaves of the rhubarb until you found the base, twisting and pulling until it popped loose.

you chucked it into the bucket between you and gaz and grinned as he started to work beside you.

---

you spent the rest of the afternoon with him in the garden, only stopping to have lunch on the outside table - sandwiches johnny brought out with a teapot and two mugs on a tray - and gathered all of the vegetables and fruit that needed picking, whether to cook for themselves or for the market.

“do you go every week then?” you asked as you finally headed back to the house with your hands full and mucky from the soil.

your forehead was sweaty from the hard work but you didn’t feel uncomfortable, it felt good to have been useful and busy again.

“the market?” you nodded. “nah, we don’t have a big enough plot for growing. and it doesn’t bring enough in to make it worth it to expand. we just find it fun, enjoy getting out and seeing the locals every so often.”

“yeah you could probably go crazy staying out here alone for too long,” you laughed as you walked ahead of him into the house. “with sheep as your closest neighbours.”

kyle bit the inside of his cheek but you didn’t notice his silence.

“hey, good day?” you called out to your husband sat in the next room as you placed the vegetables on the table. when he didn’t reply you went through, careful to take your shoes off first so not to track mud inside. you leant over the back of the sofa and kissed his cheek, frowning when he sharply pulled away, glaring forward at the tv. “elliot?”

he stayed silent.

you slowly stood back up straight and waited for any sort of reaction for him before heading back to the kitchen. you knew how he got when he was in a foul mood, and you could see this one a mile off, there was no reason to push your luck.

stuck in your own head you were taken by surprise when johnny suddenly grabbed you by the hips, his bright eyes and toothy smile an inch too close to be casual as you looked up at him.

“fuckin’ hell, yer glowing, lass,” he boasted. “farm work looks good on ye.”

he patted one hip and winked before letting you go to clung to his husband. leant over kyle’s shoulder at the sink where he was rinsing the soil away from his hands and the root veg you’d picked, johnny pulled his husband’s chin towards him and kissed him.

you felt rooted to the spot as the pair opened their mouths wide enough to slip their tongues against the other’s, spit slicking lips and connecting what little space was given in thin strings as they swapped soft moans and heavy breaths. it was a private moment, intimate, but you couldn’t pull yourself away even as your stomach tightened and your throat became dry.

they pulled away, barely an inch, but enough for gaz to speak.

“don’t forget about that restaurant tonight, love,” he directed at you. “dress up a little, it’s like a chef’s table.”

your husband perked up from the other room at the mention of a chef’s table - never one to pass on an opportunity that made him look rich and important like the man he worked for, always searching for another story to brag about to his mates.

“what time? is the chef anyone i’d have heard of?”

johnny stifled a mocking laugh into kyle’s shoulder, one hand wandering beneath gaz’s jumper.

“nah, mate, he’s a bit lowkey this guy. doesn’t do social media or the like. invite only to his place.”

elliot’s eyebrows raised and he leant further over the sofa arm to talk. “and we’ve been invited then?”

“aye. we have.”

“do you want help changing, elliot?” you asked, but before your husband could find fault in your offer, johnny interrupted.

“i’ll help the wee injured lad, hen. you go get all bonnie for the meal, take your time getting all fancy f’r it,” he said, finally detaching himself from kyle.

“oh, ok.” you nodded when elliot didn’t immediately complain and headed upstairs, grimacing at the soil beneath your fingernails that you still hadn’t washed off. you sniffed yourself and grimaced at the thin layer of sweat clinging to you. you grabbed your towel and headed to the bathroom.

“fancy,” you’d scoffed to yourself in your bedroom after a quick shower.

you weren’t sure you could count anything you’d packed for the week as fancy or pretty enough for an invite-only restaurant.

you pulled out a black dress you’d packed in case you and elliot got some time alone. now that you were here you knew how unlikely that was but you were appreciating the foresight now.

the dress wasn’t anything special, not something you’d have chosen to eat out in if you had access to your other clothes at home; it went below your knees but the plunge of the neckline would have elliot grinding his teeth if you wore it around gaz and soap.

you bit your lip before making the split second decision to wear it anyway. a voice at the back of your head whispering insistently and repeatedly that kyle and johnny would love it.

you finished getting ready before considering the shoes you’d brought with you.

your hiking boots, trainers, and a pair of floral patterned wellies. “fuck.”

hadn’t thought that far ahead when you’d packed the dress, clearly. you sighed and headed down the stairs anyway. smiling when you caught johnny and kyle’s eyes.

“trying to kill us, hen? where have ye been hiding this little number?”

“give us a spin,” kyle ordered, and you followed suit without a second thought.

“yer a lucky man, elliot. very lucky indeed.” johnny patted your husband’s shoulder. “go get yer shoes on, hen, and we’ll set off.”

you felt your cheeks heat. you pointed down to your trainers next to the door. “i don’t have anything i can wear with them except my trainers,” you winced.

“oh that won’t do, what size are ye?” johnny asked, waiting by the door until you answered. “same size as my sister then. she’s left a few bits here when she’s visited before, i’ll see if i can find anythin’ in storage. she’d nae mind.”

he was gone and back again in a flash and you were handed a pair of black heels to step into. you thanked him and shakily stood, the heel far taller than what you were used to and the strap thin and barely providing support.

“oh god,” you huffed as you wobbled in place.

“need a hand?” johnny offered his arm and you clung on as you headed towards the door.

“christ, it’ll take all night to get to the car with her like this,” elliot complained behind you, kyle supporting him under his arm.

“i don’t think you’re one to talk right now since she’s still looking steadier on her feet than you,” kyle said bluntly. elliot’s ankle had lost the swelling and was simply wrapped beneath his socks and shoes for support, but he’d never been good with pain and you knew he’d take an extra few days to make sure his suffering was known.

you were inclined to agree with kyle that the injury was small, just needed a bit of rest to heal, but the bruising around the bone had you worrying about elliot driving at the end of the week and wondering if it had been worse than gaz had figured, and whether a sprain - or god forbid, a break - would need seeing to sooner rather than later.

johnny’s arm had gravitated to hold you around the waist as you drifted in your thoughts, leaving you to grip his wrist and his other hand for stability as he led you towards the car over the gravel. you felt your life flash before your eyes a handful of times as your ankles struggled not to cockle and keep you upright on the short walk, and you sighed in relief when you finally got in the car.

next time you’d wear the bloody wellies if it meant not having to wear shoes like this. god knows how johnny’s sister managed it.

---

kyle and johnny took the time during the drive to boast about simon - the chef and an old friend of theirs - and his restaurant; focusing on his cooking skills and mentioning only that he was a take-no-shit type of bloke, so not to be offended when he wasn’t particularly chatty.

“think the most i’ve ever heard him talk was when i asked what was in that soup he made last time,” soap snorted.

kyle parked up next to the single car parked by the side of the road, his headlights shining on the ruins a few hundred yards ahead of them.

to the right along a small cobbled path was a two story building that looked more like a house from the outside than a restaurant.

behind it sat the reservoir, black and still in the low moonlight.

the location was gorgeous but solitary and you wondered how he kept his lights on without foot traffic before laughing at your thoughts. it’s invite-only, this guy - simon, you reminded yourself - obviously didn’t need foot traffic to get by.

you held on to johnny tightly once more as you walked towards the building and found that its outside looks deceived you when you stepped inside and found the front room had been renovated into the dining area. it sat only one table in the centre but it was cosy, welcoming, professional. you assumed the back section of the old house’s ground floor had been adapted into a professional kitchen and storage space.

johnny led the group towards the lone table, big enough to seat four, and pulled out your chair, taking his seat opposite you after.

you’d been sat barely a minute before the door to the back swung open and a large, hulking man wearing a surgery mask and an apron walked over. he untied his apron once gaz stood up, holding it in one hand when the shorter man leant in for a hug, slinging his trunk of an arm over kyle’s shoulders.

“good to see you again, simon,” gaz said as he pulled back. “how you been doing?”

“good,” simon grunted, with a nod. he waved johnny forward with a weary flick of his wrist, but you could see the fondness in his eyes when johnny clapped his back and clung on.

“cannae wait ta see what you’ve got planned fer us t’night, si,” johnny said as he pulled back.

“wait ten minutes an’ you’ll find out, won’ ya?” simon said.

johnny huffed.

“simon, this is the couple we were telling you about that we’d met last month,” kyle said.

“french riviera.” simon nodded.

“nice to meet you,” you said. “these two were singing your praise on the way over so i’m excited to be here.”

simon smiled at you before flicking his towards kyle and johnny with a raised eyebrow.

you felt like you were being made fun of, talked about despite the silence, and you didn’t like it.

“when’s first course then simon?” johnny asked.

simon sighed. “was waiting for you to turn up, wasn’t i?” he said before slinking off to the back, barely sparing a glance for your husband during the entire exchange.

you’d quickly forgotten the uneasy feeling when the food came out; stuffed mushrooms for the starter and lamb served with smoked aubergine and caramelised onions and a robuchon-style mash that you’d practically inhaled after the first bite for the main. now you were just eagerly awaiting dessert.

it was overall one of the best meals you’d ever had, only highlighted by the fruity cocktails simon had impressed you all with and the silly jokes he’d told when he poured them. you didn’t know how he managed it all alone; or you assumed he was alone, with no conversations bleeding out from the kitchen when the doors opened and no face other than simon’s seen.

you slouched in your chair, wholly satisfied with the evening, and reached to hold elliot’s hand on the table at the same time that gaz looked to johnny lovingly.

he leant in and gently kissed his cheek, pulling back to stare in one another’s eyes and share the moment just between the two.

elliot sniffed at the display, looking down at his plate. “so you two, how’d you meet again?”

“met officially when we were put on a mission together, but i’d see johnny around base and at the nearest pub on our days off before that,” kyle said.

“he didnae have the time of day fer me at first,” johnny laughed, his arm moving under the table as he rubbed at kyle’s thigh.

“saw him strike out with half the men and women in the bar, gave me the ick,” gaz joked. “asked me out more than a dozen times.”

“an’ yet he was the one that got down on one knee all teary eyed in the end,” johnny disclosed.

“realised thick-headed scot’s were my type after all, came to my senses,” kyle cooed.

“sorry, you said men and women?” elliot asked, suddenly visibly invested in the conversation.

his eyes were sharp and you new he was thinking back to your conversation in france when you’d reassured him neither man would be interested in flirting with you. you were still convinced they were just tactile people, especially given how they had greeted simon, but you had to admit that the last few days had been filled with odd moments that had you questioning your own feelings. either way you knew elliot would be like a dog with a bone after this, would try and use it to cause an argument after such a great evening.

“aye. he did.” johnny nodded.

“so you’re not… gay then,” elliot hedged.

you kicked his leg beneath the table and gaz snorted.

“nah mate. we’re not,” gaz said.

“so then…”

“elliot,” you hissed. “stop prying.”

“i’m bi,” kyle said with an easy shrug before elliot could react to your reprimand.

your eyes flickered to johnny, meeting the bright blue head on as he was already watching you before he looked at your husband.

“i don’t put labels on things, limits me,” johnny sniffed. he looked back to you as he spoke next. “i like pretty people with bonnie accents and big doe eyes. like gaz here.” he turned to his husband with a cheeky grin.

gaz snorted again, mirthfully this time.

“cannae say no to him ever, jus’ ask him,” johnny said and you silently agreed.

“like you ever want to, i’m full of good ideas.” gaz pouted.

“why ye asking anyway, elliot? feeling the urge to join us?” johnny licked at his teeth, predatory as he stared down your husband.

elliot choked out a startled ‘no’ and shook his head, making the couple laugh at his urgent insistence.

“for the best i think. i dunno if you’d be able to keep up, no offence,” gaz said condescendingly. “we don’t tend to play vanilla.”

your eyes widened as a sudden slew of scenarios involving the two handsome men in front of you flashed before your eyes. you did your best to keep your face straight even as elliot frowned and scoffed.

“what, you like to tie each other up?” he rolled his eyes with a huff of a laugh.

kyle didn’t rise to the bait. “we do all sorts. don’t think there’s much we haven’t tried at this point.”

johnny grinned at him.

“even like… gags and spanking?” you asked, sudden and unbidden, the words needing to be answered even as you felt your entire body heat in embarrassment.

“yeah, hen, we’ve tried those a few times,” johnny said gently but eagerly. his foot knocked against yours beneath the table and you fought not to jump or flinch. “what we’re into at the moment though is roleplay.”

“can have a lot of fun with it,” kyle agreed.

“you’re kidding me,” elliot said, disbelief colouring his voice.

“not at all, watch,” johnny said before standing, hooking his napkin over his arm and holding it in front of him like a waiter. he cleared his throat before lilting his voice slightly higher, like he was using his ‘phone voice’. “was everything to your satisfaction tonight?”

“it was fantastic,” kyle said, immediately playing along. he slouched into his chair. “the dessert though, was a little lackluster. i wanted something with a bit of a bite.”

johnny raised his eyebrow. “i might be able to help with that, sir.” he leant forward as though to grab his plate, but instead knocked his fork to the floor. “oh no, silly me.”

“you better grab that, hm?” kyle asked, spreading his legs as johnny immediately fell to his knees, crowding close.

kyle looked over at you and elliot and grinned at your shocked, engrossed faces. he lifted the table cloth and covered johnny’s head and curved back. he hid one hand beneath, resting it on the back of his husband’s head, scratching through his mohawk.

your breath started to come short as you heard the fly of kyle’s trousers go and then suddenly it was all you could do not to squirm and add to the noises coming from the other side of the table. the room was silent, not a word from your husband for the first time in years, and the kitchen seemed to have stilled while johnny hummed and gagged.

kyle groaned and huffed, his smiles tilting the breathless noises into half laughs as johnny seemingly sucked the life out of him.

you’d never held yourself so still, not daring to check what elliot’s reaction was as you stared between kyle’s pleasured face and johnny’s bobbing head beneath the cloth.

suddenly the pair stopped, and johnny threw the table cloth up with a grin, laughing alongside kyle as you and you and your husband tried to catch your bearings at the reveal of the unconventional joke.

“just fuckin’ with ye,” johnny said as he sat back in his chair.

you shakily laughed along, avoiding eye contact as you pressed a hand to one cheek, hoping to ease the heat you could feel emanating, knowing that between your legs was no better.

“don’t worry we’d ask before including you in anything,” kyle said. “even if we just wanted you to watch.”

“though when we open up the relationship it’s usually to get the third person involved. cannae help but touch, watching’s nae enough,” johnny added, heated as he glanced at you.

“i’ve never done that before,” you said softly, too brusk to be a whisper. “be with two people at once that is.”

you hadn’t realised elliot had spoken at the same time, his words only just registering as you watched johnny’s gaze simmer.

“we’re not interested.”

we.

there he went answering for the both of you again.

“right?” he pushed.

you looked at him out of the corner of your eye, fearful of what his reaction would be until johnny’s foot knocked yours again. you felt a sudden surge of confidence.

“i think this might be the first time you’ve ever said no to having sex with someone that wasn’t me, elliot.”

your husband sputtered, only embarrassed further when gaz whistled low and soap shook his head, privy already to the failings of your relationship and at a loss as to why your husband could have ever made the choices he had.

“well, if yer not up to it, elliot, we wouldnae push,” johnny said. “in fact it’d mean you’d have the entire bed to ye’self while we kept bonnie company for the night. more room fer you to spread out as ye sleep.”

you felt your body run cold as you thought back to your first night; you’d thought perhaps one of them had overheard elliot’s thoughtless comments but you hadn’t realised they’d heard the entire conversation.

you laughed awkwardly at johnny’s suggestion as elliot insisted a little too seriously that nothing of the like would be happening.

simon thankfully interrupted the stand off between the three men at the table as he brought through dessert; a light chocolate sorbet with fresh raspberries.

you thanked him and took the opportunity to share the joke you’d been trying to remember since simon had shared his first pun when he’d brought out the starters.

“how does a french chef respond to bad egg jokes?” you asked and waited for simon’s shrug. “oeuf..."

you saw his eyes crinkle and assumed that was as close to a laugh that you’d get, feeling quite pleased with yourself.

“that’s a shit joke,” he said, but the amusement was clear in his voice. “enjoy your dessert.”

“thank you.” you took a big bite, groaning deep at the rich taste and tartness of the fruit. the prospect of brain-freeze unable to slow you down.

“fucking hell, would you behave?” elliot hissed in your ear.

gaz dropped his spoon with a clatter, and sniffed harshly, looking across at elliot with clear disdain.

“you need to stop disrespecting her, mate. she’s an adult, she’s enjoying a meal; leave her alone.”

“was i talking to you?” elliot said back, eager for the fight. “you don’t see me interfering with your relationship.”

“yeah, exactly. your lips were sealed when you thought johnny had my dick in his mouth at the table, but now you think you can get snappy?”

“she’ll learn her manners even if she does insist on being friends with you two,” elliot said.

you felt anger bubble at being ignored, talked about as though you weren’t there by both men.

johnny noticed your discomfort and nudged gaz, his posture loosening when he saw your lowered head, jutted jaw and the embarrassed purse of your lips.

“maybe we’ve all had too much to drink,” johnny said appeasingly. “more than we’d realised. simon’s always been a strong pour.”

“i agree. not that the cocktails weren’t lovely, but they must’ve gone to everyone’s heads quicker than expected. they were moorish,” you laughed, though it sounded thin and fake to your own ears.

gaz huffed through his nose heavily. he nodded and looked at you as he spoke. “i’ll go settle up with simon. if you need a hand walking back to the car you could wait with me?”

you nodded when elliot didn’t protest and johnny got up to help him.

you waited with gaz near the back of the room where simon had set up a little till station, a bowl of mints to the side that you felt swell of fondness for as you looked at them.

simon picked up on the awkward air immediately when he came out from the back, watched with keen eyes as you shuffled from foot to foot and sent anxious glances out the window in between compliments to the food.

“‘m making a cake soon,” he said out of the blue as gaz tapped his card, and you turned back to him, interest piqued. “any recommendations on flavour? bit tied at the minute.”

“oh.” you blinked. “i had a lemon poppyseed cake a few years ago that was to die for.”

simon watched you steadily for a moment before humming. he handed kyle his receipt. “tell johnny it was good t’see ’im.”

“you too, si.”

kyle offered you his arm to walk back to the car and you took it gladly, letting him help you to keep your footing until you were situated in the back with elliot.

the drive back felt exponentially longer in the silence. the lack of music, johnny’s chatter, or even your own ramblings had you on edge.

the silence from elliot continued into the house as he winced and hobbled up the stairs alone, refusing any more help than he’d already been forced to rely upon.

you followed behind him dutifully, mouthing a soft ‘thank you’ to gaz and soap at the stairs before disappearing into your room.

elliot waited for the door to close before he rounded on you.

“‘i’ve never done that before’,” he simpered, pitching his voice higher to mock you.

“elliot, i—“

“go ahead try and explain your way out of that one, hm? practically threw yourself at them,” he spat.

you scoffed.

“its not like i said yes to fucking them,” you reminded him, not mentioning the urge you’d felt at the time to do just that.

“didn’t say no either, did you?” elliot asked, his voice raising. “i think they were planning on bloody bedding you tonight in fact.”

“fucking hell. you’re being dramatic and- and silly,” you said in disbelief. “they were playing around. christ knows if i can get over what you did, then you can deal with them flirting a little.”

he moved swiftly despite his ankle and grabbed your arm tightly, ignoring your sharp gasp as he glared at you. “you need to start listening to me. we’re married, if you remember? so start behaving like it.”

“you’re hurting me, elliot.” when he didn’t let go you nodded quickly and spoke again. “i understand.”

“good.” he nodded and bent down to kiss your lips chastley. “then let’s go to bed.”

he let you go and limped over to the bed. you joined him a moment later, shaken as you tried to calm yourself enough to lay next to him and pretend to sleep.

---

johnny had set up breakfast outside the next morning while kyle had sorted out their few animals and checked for any stray sheep that needed to be shepherded closer to their neighbour’s land; taking their truck around the edge of the property.

“hey, got some brekkie outside if ye want to join? kyle’ll be back any minute now.”

you nodded and helped elliot across the garden as johnny brought the fresh orange juice with him for the table.

you thanked johnny for the broad spread and plated yourself some of the mixed fruit. when you heard a door slam, you turned to the driveway and saw kyle making his way down the side of the house to reach the garden. he waved when he caught you looking, readjusting his cap so his face wasn’t hidden by the brim as he came closer.

he bent to kiss johnny’s scarred temple before taking his seat and stealing a sip of his coffee, wincing at the bitterness.

“you tell ‘em yet?” kyle asked johnny in a low tone, putting the mug back and pouring himself a juice.

“not yet,” johnny replied. he cleared his throat when elliot lifted an eyebrow in question, having stayed stubbornly silent with johnny and now kyle. still moody from the evening before.

johnny sighed, almost awkwardly. “look, we didn’t mean to overhear, but conversations echo in an old home like ours,” he started. you immediately went cold. “there’s been a few things we’ve both heard over the last few days—“

elliot jumped in, finding his voice suddenly in the face of his reputation being squandered, even if it was just johnny and kyle. “whatever you heard was between myself and my wife. it’s an old mistake and we’ve worked through it to heal any wounds caused. we’re happier than ever now, aren’t we?” he threw his arm behind you to rest in the back of your chair, the picture of a perfect couple. you nodded placidly. he turned back to them. “our therapist is fantastic.”

“therapist?” kyle asked.

“yes, a couple’s therapist, but you see her a couple times a month alone too, don’t you, darling?” elliot said.

“we needed someone impartial to help us see through the fog,” you said, repeating the words elliot had used over a year ago to convince you to stay. “we were just running in circles about it.”

kyle nodded. “how’d you find this therapist then?”

“elliot found her,” you said.

“lucky she was such a good fit if she was the first one you tried,” kyle said mirthfully.

“well she’d helped me before so i knew she was good at her job,” elliot let slip.

you stiffened and slowly turned to face him. “what?”

“she just gave me some advice, helped me out of a few toxic relationships when i was younger, darling. nothing serious like us. i haven’t been married before if that’s what you’re thinking,” elliot tried to joke.

it was not what you were thinking. it was not what you were worrying about.

“when you were ‘younger’? you’ve known her for years?” you questioned. “she was meant to be fucking unbiased and you’re telling me you’ve used her to get you out of relationships before? what the fuck, elliot?” you seethed, your voice raising.

“darling—“

“you told me she was trustworthy!” you laughed mirthlessly as you thought back to your first session. “you said you’d never met her before, just another fucking lie for the tally is it? it’s feeling pretty endless at this point,” you scoffed.

elliot’s lips thinned as he pulled his arm back and looked at you, debating his next move.

“we went to university together,” he admitted. “we’re just friends.”

“oh christ, ‘friends’. good to know the woman i’ve been telling my deepest, darkest thoughts to has more personal loyalty to you and whether or not she’d keep my secrets is one too many drinks away,” you spat.

“she takes her work very seriously, she wouldn’t break confidentiality like that. she’s never told me anything you’ve said in a session that i wasn’t there for,” elliot pressed, reaching to hold your hand.

“and why should i believe you?” you yanked your hand back and stood, storming off towards the woodland at the back of the garden.

“always with the dramatics.” elliot shook his head. he stood and took a step to follow you but winced when the pressure on his ankle spiked a sharp ache up his shin.

soap and gaz stayed seated, watching him struggle silently.

when he slumped back into his seat johnny spoke up. “why don’t we take ye back inside? give her some space.”

elliot bit the inside of his cheek but knew disagreeing wasn’t an option. he jerkily nodded once.

kyle kept an eye on you as you stopped near the tree line, smiled, amused, when he saw you kick at a nearby tree trunk. you weren’t going any deeper into the start of the trail so there was no need for them to bother you, you needed time to process and work through your initial anger.

he grabbed a plate for himself and started to eat, grabbing bits he knew johnny would want when he got back. there was no point in wasting a dewy fresh morning and good food just because elliot was a moron.

they’d finished majority of their share of the food when they heard your footsteps heading back. you hadn’t lingered at the end of the grass for long, deciding to join them once more with a ducked head and an embarrassed hunch to your shoulders.

“are ye ok?” johnny asked carefully.

“yeah, yeah. fine. just annoyed, more than anything. embarrassed i made such a scene.”

“don’t be, if it were me ah’d ‘ve gone bananas hearing all’a that.” johnny waved you off.

“there’s only so much someone can take,” kyle added.

you nodded and felt a stray tear slip and in a flash the pair of them were tugging you out of your seat to wrap you in a warm hug.

“thank you, guys,” you said as you squeezed them back. you sent a weary look towards the house as the one thought that had been going around your head for the last half hour - the last year if you were being honest.

you were going to divorce elliot.

“you’ve done so much for us, for me, these last couple of days. how about i cook for you guys tonight? i make a pretty mean lasagne if you’ve got the stuff?”

the couple grinned. “i think we could find what you need.”

you finished your breakfast and headed back inside after the couple waved of your offer to help clear the table.

“we’ve got a bit to catch up on around the farm that we’ve put off since you arrived,” kyle said. “we’ll be back later on, but feel free to go where you like on the property, do what you like.”

“make ye’sen anything from the fridge if ye get hungry,” johnny added.

which left you with a slow day to entertain yourself. with kyle’s. words echoing in your mind you headed to the large bookcase on the living room and grabbed the first book that caught your eye. sitting in the armchair diagonal to the sofa where elliot was watching their tv from, you curled up and silently began to read. you weren’t ready to talk to elliot yet, but you knew he’d need a hand throughout the day and you didn’t want to add onto johnny and kyle’s already long list of things to do.

you caught gaz and soap nipping in and out throughout the day and when it timed right, you refilled their flasks with steaming tea before they were off out again.

the book lasted you the day, thoroughly engrossing you in the story, and elliot played nice for once, giving his p’s and q’s when you handed him a fresh cuppa and even cautiously squeezing your hip in appreciation when you passed by towards the end of the day.

“i’m making lasagne,” you said as he waited for your response.

“sounds lovely, darling.”

you were still angry at him, but it turned to despondency when you saw that johnny had taken the time to set the ingredients aside for you on the counter and in the fridge. elliot had never done that for you.

such small things were missing, it wasn’t just his cheating, but that had been the linchpin for this longwinded realisation that you just weren’t happy together.

you lost yourself in the preparation of the meal, not noticing your company as you started layering the sauces and pasta sheets. johnny and gaz came lumbering in, clearly tired but obviously satisfied with the work they’d completed in the day and hovered by your side.

“ah hen, that looks good. think i could eat the lot t’ ma’sael,” johnny groaned.

“you bloody dare,” kyle threatened, leaning ober his shoulder to see what you were doing. “we’ll clean up upstairs and leave you to it.”

“it should be cooked in the next 40 minutes, so take your time,” you said, gently elbowing them away so you could put the tray in the oven.

they nodded, and you got to cleaning up after yourself.

a nudge at your hip what felt like only a few minutes later had you looking up in surprise and smiling at kyle as he dried the dishes you’d washed. it was painfully domestic and you looked over your shoulder to see johnny wiping down the countertops.

“has kyle told ye ‘bout the market?”

“yeah, in two days’ time right?”

“aye, you should come with us when we go. will be a right laugh,” johnny offered.

“i’d love to,” you agreed, not sparing a thought for how elliot would deal with the journey or get around the market once he was there with you. you wanted to be selfish about this. “what are you thinking of taking?”

“got a fair bit of fruit and veg lined up, some pickles stuff i’ve been working on, a few woodwork projects gaz brings along,” johnny listed.

“you sell your work?”

“just small stuff like fence signs, ‘welcome home’ plaques, small coffee tables,” kyle said bashfully.

“you should bring your charcoal drawings too, johnny, i bet people would love to see their countryside lovingly captured,” you suggested.

“ah, maybe,” he hedged. you huffed, surprised that this was what got the pair shy. “should’ve brought some’a yer own paintings to sell, bon.”

“oh fuck, i forgot my paint set at home,” you said, deflated. “i was really looking forward to painting sometime. in fact today would’ve been perfect for it.” you pouted, annoyed at yourself doubly.

“ye can just borrow some of my stuff,” johnny said easily. “what’s mine is yours, yeah?”

you blinked. “uhm, sure.” you cleared your throat. “thank you, johnny,” you said a little more gratefully.

“think that lasagne might be finished,” kyle said as he stood. “i’ll set the table.”

you nodded and went to help elliot while johnny pulled out the dish and scooped it onto four plates.

“looks delicious, you’ve outdone ye’self here,” johnny cooed. you grinned and felt pride bloom when all three of the men sat at the table groaned at the taste.

“can i make a toast before you all finish in one bite?” you asked playfully. kyle was quick to nod and put down his fork, swapping it for his glass of water. “to lasting friendships and new starts.”

elliot frowned but lifted his glass.

“cheers tae tha’,” johnny said, taking a quick swig before shovelling another spoonful off his plate.

---

with dinner a certified success and your mind made up about your marriage, you found it easier to forgive your husband for what he’d let slip at breakfast.

you headed to bed, peaceful in your decision, and smiled at elliot as you changed into your pyjamas.

“darling…” he started, hesitant for one of the first times in your relationship. you sat next to him on the bed, ignoring the way it squeaked beneath your weight. “i truly am sorry for not telling you— for lying to you about sarah. she’s the most qualified person i know in the field, i just wanted the best for you, for us. i didn’t think about how it would look in the long run.”

of course he didn't, because he never thought about how you felt. you took his hand and rubbed your thumb over his knuckles.

“i forgive you, elliot. mistakes happen,” you said simply.

“yeah?” he asked, his grin and confidence growing. he slipped his hand free to cup your face and pulled you in for an eager kiss. “thank you, darling. i knew you’d understand.”

his eyes darkened as he looked at you, his hand dropped from your cheek to your shoulder and trailed down the long sleeved shirt you slept in.

“you know, you were right at dinner the other night,” he said, and plucked at the bottom of the shirt. “we haven’t had much time for each other recently. maybe we should rectify that.”

of everything you could've guessed elliot would have said to you after everything, that wouldn't have been one of them.

“your ankle,” you reminded him stiltedly. “you’re meant to rest .”

“i’ve been resting,” he said impatiently. “but either way, i’m sure we can work around that.”

“the walls are thin,” you said, hoping it came across as shy instead of reluctant. you were disinclined to fuck your husband now that you’d accepted you wanted better, more.

but you supposed you could give him a quick handjob and call it a night, his complaints be damned. you saw the frustration bleed clearer in his expression with each excuse.

you pushed him back into the pillows and climbed over him to settle in close at his side. guiding his chin up you kissed him in soft little pecks that led across his cheek until you could nuzzle along his jaw and gently nip and lick at his neck. you lifted your palm up and licked a broad stripe across before slipping it beneath his boxers, soaking up his groan as your slick palm wrapped around his base.

you always were a sucker for knowing you were doing a good job, even now when you weren't too invested.

you pulled him free from his boxers and tightened your grip as you moved in deliberate, slow pumps. keeping your eyes low, you watched the first spurt of pre dribble down before it was quickly gathered by your fingers and spread laxly over his head and back down the shaft.

“oh fuck, that’s it, darling. just a bit quicker and tighter for me, go on,” he encouraged.

you did as he asked, twisting your wrist and pressing your thumb to his slit. you felt him shudder and the arm he’d wrapped around you tightened incrementally.

“feel good?” you asked and squeezed tighter on your next pump. he was leaking enough that the glide was slick and easy, the friction causing him to groan.

“fuck, i think im gonna- gonna cum,” he whined and you took that as a hint to focus on his head, swirling your palm in tight motions until his hips were lifting off of the bed to push into your sticky grip. he came with a low gasp, his breath hot and damp across your forehead.

you waited for him to hiss in sensitivity before you let him go and sat up, keeping your palm away from your clean pjs.

“just let me wash up then we can go to sleep,” you said.

elliot sleepily nodded, his eyes already half closed. you sighed.

---

with a jolt, you suddenly woke with elliot hovering over you; he was already dressed, though the lack of light itching to burst past the curtains let you know it wasn’t yet morning. you were disoriented and confused as he whispered rushed mutterings.

“elliot?”

“shh,” he held his finger to his lips, eyes flickering to the bedroom door. “you need to pack, we have to go.”

“what? no, what time is it?” you sat up and brushed his hands away from you. he stopped tugging at your arm and instead pulled away the duvet.

“there was an emergency, we have to go. now.” elliot repeated. “please darling, quickly.”

“an emergency?” your ears pricked even as you read the time, 5am, on your phone. “what emergency?”

“i’ll explain on the way,” he said vaguely, finally pulling you out of the bed and hissing when he pressed too much weight on his ankle.

“elliot, slow down. just tell me what’s happened, im not leaving here without saying goodbye to—“

“shut up. for once just do as i say,” elliot rounded on you suddenly and gripped your neck tightly. you reflexively pulled at his wrist to ease up the pressure and nodded as best you could with his broad palm pressed snugly against your throat, his thumb and fingers hooked at the edges of your jaw. “we’re leaving. we have to go, and i mean now.”

he let you go and you stayed quiet, muffling your coughs into your elbow. he was hasty in his own packing, rushing you along all the while and stumbled with his bag on the stairs, irritating his injury enough to let out a sharp gasp.

you ducked under his arm and helped him hop to the car, sending pensive looks behind you the whole time, guilt churning in your gut.

“are you sure you can drive, elliot?” you asked finally, hesitating to put on your seatbelt once you were sat in the passenger seat.

he shushed you rudely and gritted his teeth as he pressed on the clutch.

the drive back down the winding lanes towards the main road was rough, the car stuttering every time elliot’s ankle succumbed to and crumbled under the pressure he needed for the clutch, his leg flinching up and the seatbelt catching you before you jerked too far forward.

“where’s my phone? i need to call work, i need— where is it?” he hissed, patting his pockets and checking the holders in the car, hardly watching the road.

“you don’t have it?” you asked, confused.

“it was charging on your side of the bed,” he reminded you impatiently.

“then how did you know about the emergen—“ you realised with a sudden sick roll of your stomach, that he’d lied. again.

he was pissy you had a few days left of the holiday, that he wasn’t enjoying himself but you were. you had two days left but he he didn’t want to be around them anymore so he faked an emergency, because surely he’d have had his phone if that were true. fuck, no wonder he was being vague about it all, he wanted time to make up something detrimental at work or perhaps even to do with a friend that would be fine with lying to you. he certainly had his pick of them.

he span the car around angrily and you held on to the door handle as the tyres squealed. “you’ll need to go in and get it as quickly as possible.”

“sure,” you said blandly. you were sick of trusting him and getting fucked over for it every time. would you ever learn?

yes. the divorce would make this the last time you let him walk all over you.

you didn’t bother trying to quieten your steps along the gravel back up to the house. part of you hoped johnny or kyle heard your steps and came down to stop you leaving while the other half worried what elliot would do if you dawdled.

you mumbled to yourself, pissed off and chuntering, as you walked into the kitchen, expecting it to be empty and to be able to nip upstairs and grab elliot’s mobile and be gone again, an apologetic text already drafted in your mind for johnny and kyle.

however the pair of them were already in the kitchen, a third man stood with them. johnny jumped from his chair and wrapped you in his arms immediately, causing you to squeak when he squeezed tight.

“we were worried you’d left,” gaz said from where he leant against the kitchen counter, the mysterious man stood silent opposite him. “fretting we’d done something wrong.”

johnny let you go finally so you could reply, his big blue eyes staring down at you intensely.

“oh, uhm, i’m sorry,” you started, stuttering through an explanation. an excuse. “we uhm, we did go but it’s because i woke with bad stomach pains.” you felt yourself retreat into your shoulders, hunched and embarrassed with such focused attention on you. “elliot was worried, said we should go to the hospital maybe, uhm, so we left without saying goodbye. in a hurry. sorry.”

you noticed the third man staring at your neck and reflexively lifted a hand to cover the area, hoping to feel whatever he was staring at, thinking your shirt might've had the tag stuck out at the front given how dazedly you'd dressed earlier. instead you sucked in a thin breath when your hand pressed against sensitive bruising.

you broke eye contact immediately and dropped your hand to your collar bone, felt your cheeks heat in a putrid mix of anger and humiliation.

“we found his phone in yer room still,” johnny said and pulled elliot’s mobile from his back pocket. “glad ye came back fer it, but if yer ill was it really so important?”

you floundered for a moment, eyes glued to his hand, before gaz spoke up.

“might’ve just been the booze from last night, yeah? sometimes it doesn’t settle well, simon forgets what the average person can stomach,” kyle said. he winked. “it’d be especially rough for lightweights.”

you rolled your eyes playfully but didn’t deny it.

“it still hurting?” johnny asked, his free hand drifting close so his fingertips could trace your stomach lightly in the opening of your jacket.

you clamped your own hand over your soft tummy and nodded, feigning a stomach ache.

“let me make ye some chucky eggs and a chamomile tea to ease it off,” johnny offered and dropped elliot’s phone on the table roughly. “a light hangover cure coming right up, don’t figure you’d want a hearty, greasy brekkie like what i do fer me an’ gaz when we’re hangin'.”

gaz pushed off the side and gently corralled you into a seat, pushing it in for you afterwards and letting his hands linger on you shoulders. you couldn’t help but nod and go along with their sweet touches, even as you thought of elliot sat waiting in his car. they were being nicer than anyone had been in a long time when you’d been ‘ill’.

it felt like they were being careful with you. it almost made you feel even guiltier for lying to them.

the third man coughed and looked at kyle with raised eyebrows, his heavy facial hair hiding any mirth that might have hidden around his mouth.

“ah, where are my manners? love, this is price, our pest control guy,” kyle said as he hovered by your chair. “sometimes when we’re too busy to handle it, we get price in to shoot the foxes that are eating the hens. we’d called him last week since we’ve been having a few issues, completely forgot after you arrived.”

you nodded along, though you couldn’t remember seeing or hearing any foxes over the last few days, even on the late evenings.

“he’s a good man, won’t be a bother,” johnny added. “in fact it was good that he arrived when he did or we’d have had no clue ye were gone.”

“it’s nice to meet you,” you said, and took his meaty hand when he offered it. as you looked into his pale eyes you saw something mean to him. hidden behind his soft, placid smile and easy nod there was a sharp glint in his eyes he couldn’t hide.

you knew without asking that he enjoyed his job, enjoyed hunting, and you were suddenly glad you wouldn’t have to witness it going by johnny’s promise that he'd be out of the way.

johnny handed you a earthy smelling cup and you slowly sipped and watched him hover by the toaster as the eggs boiled in their pan, waiting to butter then slice the toast into dippable pieces.

he’d just scooped the eggs into their little cups and played them beside the toast when your husband limped in, stumbling at the unexpected sight of gaz and johnny. he sent you a baleful look as he took in the scene before him and you ducked your head back towards your boiled eggs.

“we were wondering when you might turn up, mate,” kyle said, finally taking his seat next to yours. “was just introducing the missus to price.”

“poor girl said she was ill?” price said and elliot clung on to the excuse.

“ah yeah, she’s always been a drama queen this one. wanted to head home as soon as she started feeling a little under the weather,” he said. he looked down to your plate. “feeling better now, though, i see.”

price’s gaze turned frigid as he stared at your husband. he looked to johnny for a moment, who nodded once, before turning back to your husband.

“you ever gone hunting before?” he asked. “do a bit for the lads here when they’re tied up in more important things, could take you out when i go looking for foxes today.”

elliot jumped at the chance, even with his ankle.

watching price, you felt rude for the voice in the back of your head that was telling you this man was not to be trusted. he was nice from what you could tell, charming even, if not commanding. you assumed he perhaps had a similar background to johnny and kyle with how he held himself, that his gruff exterior was likely earned from years in the service, but despite that something in you bristled all the same in a way it hadn’t so far. looking at elliot however, you realised he felt far differently; price’s casual dominance had managed to bring your husband to heel.

“great, we’ll keep bonnie company for the morning and if she starts to feel faint again, we’ll look after her,” johnny said and clapped elliot on the shoulder.

---

the couple hardly gave you time to let your breakfast settle before they whisked you off onto a trail behind their house again and after a short walk you got to see the view kyle had shown you on his phone originally in france.

“said you wanted to try painting it, so here we are,” kyle said.

“i don’t have my stuff with me.” you frowned, remembering speaking about it before.

“ahh, we came prepared.” johnny took off his bag and rooted through it, pulling out three small drawing pads and a water colour set. “no wine this time,��� johnny teased. “an’ we’ll have tae share the paints.”

“then what’re we waiting for?” you asked excitedly.

barely twenty minutes in you quickly found that this was the one thing the pair of them couldn’t do.

gaz struggled the most, claiming after barely ten minutes that he was going down an abstract route with his, and despite his teasing, it didn’t take johnny much longer after that to admit that his skill lay in charcoal.

you had spent the better part of the morning on your painting, but at the last minute painted over the same branch until the colour was too dark, overworked and leaking a little into the leaves.

“fuck,” you huffed and dabbed it with your sleeve. elliot would scowl at the mess but you were distracted, worried about what johnny and kyle thought of your lie earlier that morning and your rude almost-exit. “i’m sorry about this morning,” you said finally.

“there’s nothing to apologise for,” kyle said immediately. “you’re still here, right?”

“still, i just—“

“hen, please. you’re fine, you’re forgiven if that’s what ye need t’hear.” johnny smiled. “maybe we should head back, ahm craving a hot choccy like nobodies business sat out here in the cold.”

"we can get lunch started," gaz suggested before turning to you. "What are you craving, love?"

---

you had reached the garden when you heard a shot echo from the woods.

“must’ve found the den,” kyle said in response to your tense shoulders, but your husband's scream following a moment later had your head whipping across the lawn.

with wide eyes you watched the tree line, stubbornly still even as kyle and johnny tried to encourage you further down towards the farmhouse. you felt your hands twitch as your husband burst from the overgrown bushes, pushing out of a trail you’d have never known was there otherwise.

at his desperate, fearful face you turned to kyle for support automatically, johnny nowhere to be seen, but found his eyes were dark and hooded where he watched elliot struggle to hobble over to you. his stance was lazy; you’d almost think he was uninterested if you hadn’t noticed the way he’d not blinked since your husband’s running figure had breached the bushes, but you could tell he was entirely focused on elliot.

as he got closer you noticed the blood streaking down his face from a large cut across his forehead and his broken nose; evident from it's quick bruising.

he looked like he’d been hit with the solid flat side of something head on. at the sight of tears in his eyes you suddenly jumped into action and met him halfway, helping hold him up as he tried to move quickly away from the forest behind.

“he’s trying to kill me, he’s going to— he attacked me, he wants to kill me, we need to leave,” he babbled, nasally. “we have to go, please.”

“let’s take a second to breathe, mate, yeah? come on, sit down inside and tell us what’s happened,” kyle said reasonably.

“no! i’m not fucking staying here, you’re all crazy,” elliot said and tried to pull you along passed the kitchen door. “he’s a fucking psycho, he attacked me with the fucking— the thing, the gun!”

“i’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,” kyle insisted, but you recognised a hint of impatience to his tone and it had you continuing to walk with elliot to your car. “if you slow down, we can figure this out.”

“kyle… even if this was an accident, i think someone should look at the cut,” you said. the blood had dripped far enough to begin to soak into elliot’s collar and stain the material.

“no, no, no,” elliot suddenly mumbled and you turned forward to look at the car. your eyes locked onto the flat wheel and you felt your stomach drop.

“elliot…” you whispered.

“get in the fucking car,” he ordered and pushed away from you to round to the passenger side.

dread spread like ice to your fingertips and toes and you flinched out of kyle’s hold when he reached for your arm from behind. you span around to face him and stumbled back a step towards the car, only breaking eye contact with kyle when you saw movement from the garage.

johnny. he was dusting off his hands as he walked and you felt your panic rise and thrash. you’d not lent a thought as to where he’d gone when elliot had appeared bloody and frantic, but in the back of your mind you supposed you’d thought he’d continued on to the house; whether for a first aid kit or to start those hot chocolates you didn’t know.

looking at him then, trousers freshly scuffed on one knee with mud where you supposed he must’ve knelt to slash your tyre, your head suddenly felt heavy and your breath came short.

you were just confused. they were so kind to you, understanding, and now elliot was hurt and something in your gut told you they were involved, too casual in the face of such a graphic injury and accusation.

kyle was eerily quiet as you slowly started to piece it together. you swallowed nervously.

“what— what’s going on, kyle?”

“it’s nothing you need to worry about, love,” he said softly. “come on, come inside with me and johnny’ll sort out elliot.”

it felt weird hearing him say your husband’s name for the first time, especially in this situation. it raised your hackles when you’d have thought it would ease your worry.

“aye, just a spot of bad luck, nothing we can’t fix,” johnny said as he edged closer.

“get in the fucking car, what are you waiting for?” elliot yelled.

“don’t do it, love,” kyle warned.

you shook your head and scrambled for the front seat, locking the door behind you. it had been years since you last drove; moving to london meant it wasn’t necessary and on the odd trips you took with elliot he’d always insisted on driving. pushing on the pedals now felt like learning anew, especially with the flat.

kyle and johnny watched you reverse with frowns on their faces, arms crossed and stood tall.

“speed up, fucking hell, get on the main road already before they catch up,” elliot hissed, eyes wild.

the gears grinded as you tried to speed up down the short road that led to their house, the steering wheel fighting against you on the uneven road and flat tyre. you glanced in the rear view mirror at elliot’s words, worried they were already on your tail but they were still stood still.

you wondered briefly if they really were just trying to help when you suddenly spun out on the gravel leading up to the barn.

your head smacked into the wheel as the car slammed to a stop against the fence and you groaned as you sat up, panting and clinging uncomfortably tight to the steering wheel as you tried to blink the stars from your eyes and gather your bearings. everything was going too fast, the afternoon turned upside down so quick.

elliot clambered out of the car, limping towards the barn without giving a second look back towards you. with weak hands you pushed open the door and followed him, shaken but uninjured.

you followed him into the barn and he slammed the door behind you, slotting the latch down as though that would do much good to keep anyone out for long.

“that man, price, he tried to shoot me,” elliot whispered, fresh tears mixing with the blood on his cheek. “when i fought him he punched me and then hit me with the gun. i had to run for my life, i think ive bloody broken this ankle, if it wasn’t already.”

“what do we do?” you asked, voice wobbly and quiet. “where can we go? they’re— they’ll be outside already.”

“we need to hide,” he said. you clenched your eyes shut. that didn’t sound like much of a plan.

“what if kyle and johnny aren’t in on it?” you asked hopefully. if they weren’t that gave you more options to escape price at least.

elliot went to speak but the sound of another door opening had you freezing in place like deer. you’d not thought about other entrances, not thought about how you’d come in a completely different door when you’d visited marmite.

hide, elliot mouthed before diving behind a pile of boxes, covering himself with the loose corner of tarpaulin.

you moved further back into the barn and watched as johnny came in to view. he whistled as he let his eyes wander around the large barn, winking across to marmite.

“where could he be, marm? eh?” he asked rhetorically, stopping beside elliot’s hiding spot. you noticed belatedly that the awkward way your husband held his ankle to ease the pain meant it stuck out glaringly, his expensive trainers clear as day.

you wanted to call out, give him a chance to make a break for it, but your voice failed you and you watched as johnny stomped his heavy boot onto elliot’s ankle.

you sobbed at the scream he let out as it echoed in the barn. shivering at the pain in his voice as you muffled your own cried behind your palm.

johnny yanked him out of his hiding spot and dragged him back outside through the open door, laughing at elliot’s gasps and whines of pain.

you spotted a shovel opposite you and grabbed it following close behind, careful not to make any noise. you raised the shovel high with gritted teeth, ready to swing, when kyle’s arms wrapped around you, tight and restricting.

he stole the makeshift weapon from your hands too easily and threw it out of reach as johnny watched with wide, impressed eyes focused on you, elliot whimpering at his feet.

one second you were struggling in kyle’s grip and the next you were winded, wrestled to the ground at johnny’s feet with kyle pressed to your back.

“ready t’watch, hen?” johnny asked gleefully, kicking elliot out of his feral position before kneeling over him. he glanced at you to make sure you were watching and kyle’s broad palm came up to cup your chin, his fingers digging into your cheeks to make sure you were facing towards them.

“doin’ this f’r you,” johnny said earnestly before bringing his fist down in a heavy punch, hitting elliot’s cheek hard enough it recoiled into the solid ground below him.

you watched with bleary eyes as johnny beat your husband until his face was sunken, didn’t blink as he grabbed a nearby rock to continue until elliot’s arms stopped prying at johnny’s chest and face and his breaths eventually stilled.

“please stop, please, you’re hurting him, please stop.” you hadn’t realised you’d been mumbling, begging and pleading, while johnny’s hands dripped red.

“you’re ok, pretty,” kyle cooed against your temple, his lips brushing softly against your skin like light kisses.

he nuzzled your cheek where his thumb dug into the squishy flesh as you heard footsteps.

“need help cleaning up?” price asked.

“only this one as planned, sir,” johnny said as he pushed himself back onto his feet, groaning at the pressure on his knee.

“could’ve been a bit cleaner about it,” kyle complained.

“you saw how he was treating her?” price confirmed. “right then. and you’ve both spent time with him alone, know he’s fucking insufferable.”

gaz huffed a short breath through his nose. “being polite with that one, cap.”

“i think i did well lasting the full mornin’ with him,” price said haughtily, grabbing your husband by the collar and hefting him up halfway off the ground while johnny grabbed one of his arms to help. “let him run this far, did ya?”

“was fun watching him tire himself out,” kyle said and you clenched your hand trapped beneath your body.

“doesnae matter now, the jobs done,” johnny said. “we can fix this.” he waved to you and kyle and you shivered.

kyle eased up on your back and let go of your face as you watched them drag elliot’s body towards the back garden and the woods, presumably where the shallow grave they'd prepared for him was.

“right, love,” he started, and you took advantage of his slip in concentration and the looser hold to swing your elbow up and back into his face. he reared back and you rolled him off of your hips the rest of the way, scrambling up onto your feet and sprinting away as soon as you were free.

“fucking hell,” he swore loudly.

you didn’t dare look back, already feeling like your steps were too slow already as you aimed for their car instead of your own.

you imagined finding their keys magically in the ignition or in the drivers seat visor and being able to drive off without a bump, find help and—

you were suddenly hit from the side, johnny's full weight heaved into yours as he shoulder barged you against their car door so roughly your head bounced off of the truck’s window with a crack.

your knees crumbled on impact, all strength leaving your body and replaced with pain as you slumped to the floor.

your vision swam as he laughed excitedly and crouched before you. “fucking’ wily one, you, hen,” he crowed and reached out to pat your face. “c’mon, up ye get.”

he hefted you up, gripping you under your arms even as you tried to wiggle away, pain flashing across your eyes when you moved your head too quick.

“christ almighty, yer stunning,” he gushed. he opened the door with one hand and slipped in backwards, leaving his feet planted on the edge of the door as he dragged you to lean over the seat and his lap until your toes were just scraping the ground. “such a beautiful wife.”

you whined at the uncomfortable position, the pressure the edge of the seat put on your tummy, but you couldn’t move due to how harsh his grip on your arms was as he rested your head in his lap. “lemme go,” you groaned.

he scratched lightly at the back of your neck and grinned at the goosebumps that flared up.

he’d only just gotten you settled fully into position when you felt a second pair of hands at your arse. you jolted in his grip, but the firm body behind you stopped you from moving too far. pressed completely between them like a pinned butterfly.

kyle didn’t hesitate once he saw you were unable to move far, didn’t bother to ease you into it, snaking one hand to your front to release the button on your jeans and then pulling both your jeans and pants over your arse to tangle at your knees. he palmed at the bare skin revealed, nudging a knee between your thick thighs when you tried to kick back at him.

“fuck you,” you seethed. “get the fuck off of me.”

“you don’t have to play pretend anymore, love, elliot’s not here to get mad,” kyle said. he squeezed your hips and groaned. “fucking hell, bet you’re wet already, drooling in johnny’s lap like that.”

you gritted your teeth and tried to gain some firmer footing but the shift of your legs only encouraged the pair and the breeze against your pussy had you tensing.

“oh baby, you’re really desperate for it, yeah?” kyle cooed meanly. he lifted his hand to johnny, sticking two fingers out. “get these wet for me, eh, soap?”

you couldn’t look up from how johnny held you close, but you felt him lean forward, heard the eager, wet noises as he sucked at kyle’s fingers with abandon.

kyle pulled them free with a slick pop and trailed them between your legs, slipping one inside your pussy even as you winced at the too-dry stretch, johnny's spit not lending enough give to kyle’s long finger.

“gonna thank us for getting rid a’him?” johnny asked, squeezing your neck.

you felt your lips wobble and hid further into his lap. feeling humiliated as they laughed. endeared by your cowed behaviour.

gaz was quick to get with the program, knowing he wouldn't get much further and slipped his finger free with a gentle shush in your ear. he tilted your hips up and wedged his arm between you and the car seat, planted his spit-slick fingers over your clit instead and rubbed in sharp circles until you were squirming.

“there ya go,” johnny said. “that’ll do ‘er.”

“shh, be a good girl for us,” kyle grunted. “c’mon, don’t fight it, love, make it easy on yourself.”

you felt your hips twitch against his hand as he focused meanly on your clit until your pussy was clenching and creaming around nothing.

you let out a ragged gasp, your voice breaking as kyle continued to pinch and play with your throbbing clit for a moment longer until you felt a whine build in the back of your throat. you clenched your teeth to hold it back and pushed your face into johnny's solid thigh.

when kyle saw your resistance he ran his fingers lower until they met the hot slick leaking from your cunt and grinned with accomplishment up at his husband.

“don’t worry love, it’ll feel good. i’ll make sure of it,” kyle promised against the sensitive skin of your neck.

he slipped his finger in again, easier this time, and followed it too quickly after with a second. you groaned at the stretch, your hot panting breaths damp against johnny’s tented trousers. the instinct to bite his cock through his jeans and not let go like an untrained dog flashed through your mind as the start of an escape plan, but johnny gently stroked the apple of your cheek and it distracted you enough to lose the thought and chicken out last minute.

“no need t’worry, bonnie. ahm no’ gonna make ye take my cock at the same time, not today,” he said soothingly. “ah know how overwhelming two at a time can be.”

you felt sick as you identified the feeling blooming in your chest as relief and gratefulness. felt worse when you thought it could just be pure pleasure as kyle’s fingers learned the shape of you.

“so bloody tight, don’t know how i’ll fit, johnny,” kyle complained good-naturedly, a sly smile plastered across his face.

“she’s made fer it, gaz,” johnny insisted, mumbled a gruff, our good girl as he looked down at you. “test her out already.”

“no,” you whined, knowing he’d barely gotten his third finger in.

kyle took johnny’s encouragement as blanket permission and pulled his fingers free, chuckling at the rhythmic clenching of your pussy.

“christ if you could see this, john,” he said with awe. “look at that pretty pussy, just begging for me. eager to please, aren’t you?”

you tensed at the sound of a zipper, thrashed when you felt the head of his cock push between your glistening lips, slicking it up not nearly enough before he prodded a little more insistently.

your hands gripped at johnny’s leg and the car seat as he pushed the head in, your brows furrowed as he panted behind you.

“there ye go, hen, give it all t’him,” johnny cooed, eyes molten as he watched kyle fuck into you for the first time.

“need to try your arse next time if this is how tight your pussy is,” kyle moaned. he pushed in a little further and you whined, sucking in a sharp breath when he pulled back out again. johnny chuckled, lifting one hand to wrap around kyle’s neck, his thumb petted softly at his adam’s apple as kyle bit his lip and leant into the pressure.

he thrusted in and out slowly, going deeper with each push back in and testing your resolve as you tried to bite back your sounds.

“let us hear ye,” johnny pouted, pulling his hand back to push two fingers into your mouth. he held it hinged open on kyle’s next thrust and you let out a deep gargled noise.

kyle huffed, his cock leaking pre inside you.

“how’s she feel, garrick?”

“like sin,” he sighed. “tightened up as soon as you got your fingers in her mouth.”

“dirty little slut,” johnny said, delighted. “maybe not so much our good girl after all.”

your orgasm crept up on you, focused as you were on staying quiet and still, when kyle’s hand drifted from where he’d been palming your arse it barely took a moment of attention to your clit to have you reeling.

“there we go, fuck. look at that,” kyle groaned as you tightened up, a flood of slick leaking out with every pull of his cock and gathering at his pubes on the thrust back in. “give it to me.”

you gasped and moaned around johnnys fingers, drooling down his palm and into his lap. you saw through hazy eyes how his cock jumped in its confines, eager for attention and the pleasure gaz had described.

kyle moaned, his thrusts getting rougher, uneven. “keep cumming, love, take it.”

“fucking temptation incarnate,” johnny whispered as you pushed back into kyle’s hand and cock trying to prolong your own pleasure.

kyle folded over you and thrust in his cock hard and shallow, hips bruising your butt cheeks as he groaned. he stilled and you felt the flood of his cum settle deep and heavy, a sudden spark of anxiety kicking through your afterglow.

you didn’t acknowledge the part that gleefully thought of the possibility of a baby, finally.

you shivered, slumped in johnny's lap as he held you up when gaz slipped out, whistling in appreciation at the sight of the pair of you. you felt gaz lightly tap his cockhead against your butt cheek with a wet plap before he tucked himself away again.

“don’t let it drip,” johnny reminded gaz before too much of his cum could dribble out of your puffy hole. kyle was gentle as he tugged up your pants, even when he patted the gusset crudely before bending low for your jeans. he pulled you back up against his chest as johnny shuffled forwards and out of the truck cab, plastering himself to your front once he was on the ground.

you ducked your head to avoid his kiss and he chuckled. “still so shy after tha’?”

they shuffled you back to the farmhouse, pressed so close to your sides that it made it impossible for you to lose your footing, both of them keeping you upright even as your legs felt like jelly.

they got you laid down in their bed, the room closer to yours and elliot’s than you’d realised.

it felt like a herculean task keeping your eyes open despite the mid-afternoon sun shining through the window. if you could bring yourself to string more than two thoughts together you’d think it was the shock or the adrenaline crash. but for the moment you could only think about how pretty gaz looked stood at the corner of the bed smiling or how warm johnny felt kneeling between your legs.

at the feeling of your jeans being removed again, you frowned.

“what’re y’doin’?” you slurred, a second away from passing out.

“shh, bonnie,” johnny whispered. “y’r fine.”

you felt his fingers tease at the opening of your cunt, playing with the cum trickling out, tacky and sticky where some had dribbled down your thighs.

he groaned and stuck his fingers in his mouth as kyle laughed.

you drifted in and out, barely registering the feeling of his cock rubbing through the mess and nudging at your clit, his own leaking pre only adding to the smooth glide.

you passed out finally to the feeling of his teeth at your neck, his groans in your ear and kyle’s eyes watching over you both fondly.

---

you woke up slowly, your head thumping and it took you a moment to recall where you were and what had happened. you sat up slowly and saw you were alone in their room.

you cringed at the dried cum between your legs and the way your skin stuck to itself and the sheets. if it wasn’t for the physical proof crusting on your skin and the smell of their aftershaves on the duvet, you think you might’ve been able to convince yourself none of it had happened.

your threw back the duvet when you were sure they weren’t about to jump out at you and grabbed your trousers from the floor.

you hesitantly pushed open the door to the left of the room and found an en suite bathroom.

with a sigh of relief you closed and locked it behind you and started cleaning yourself up in the sink with hurried movements. a shower would've been preferable but you weren’t willing to risk the noise or the time, so scrubbing away the cum, sweat and tears with your hands and some soap would have to do.

it took all of your energy to keep yourself calm as you felt sticky globs of cum drip from inside you and replace what you’d just cleaned on the inside of your thighs.

you got dressed hastily and peeked out of the window to try and spot johnny or kyle prowling outside. when you saw no sign of either, you held your breath and cracked open the bedroom door. when they didn’t appear from nowhere waiting to catch you trying to leave, you crept down the creaky stairs, sucking in a tight breath as if it could make you lighter and the stairs any quieter.

you cringed as you made it down and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the kitchen empty.

your eyes zeroed in on the knife block and you scampered over to it and grabbed the biggest one, sufficiently sharp.

you snuck out the back way to avoid the sound of your trainers on the gravel out front; given your last escape attempt you figured they’d have their car locked and keys kept safe so there was no point attempting the cars again at the front and you weren’t sure you’d be able to outrun them all the way to the main road out in the open. whereas the forest out back would provide enough cover for you to make your way to… well, you didn’t really know where, part of you thought you could maybe find their elusive neighbour while another thought you’d more likely get lost in there trying.

better the devil you know, the traitorous voice whispered.

you shook your head and looked around frantically, your head on a constant swivel as you jogged across the garden, eyes peeled for a hint of any of the three of them. you slowed as you neared the veg plot to the right and the open grass and shed to the left.

you headed left, despite the lack of cover it proved, it was closer to the woods trail you knew and although there was nowhere for you to hide it meant there was also nowhere for them to be lying in wait, unlike all the tall climbing veg you’d originally been impressed by on your first day.

“think we should probably ring him later to see—“

you span around at the sound of their voices drifting on the wind, and saw them making their way from the front of the house. panicking, you jumped towards the nearest hiding spot - the little shed.

it was unlocked, but you were too worked up to wonder were the thick lock you’d seen days prior had gone. despite the sun shining through the little windows, it was dark in the little shed. you cursed not having your phone on you for the light but figured you’d have not wanted to garner the attention either way.

you could tell it was clean from the smell, whatever was stored in there was well looked after. shelves were pushed against the back and right side of the shed, full of boxed items.

johnny’s sister’s items, you remembered.

you stepped forward quietly, dropping the knife onto a lower shelf when a stack of photo albums caught your eye. you picked one up at random and flicked it open to find a picture of soap and gaz, younger and stood in their fatigues. You flicked further in and saw another of them in their civvies, then a third of them in their wedding suits.

why wouldn’t they keep this in their house?

the next book answered your question as you looked at kyle and johnny wrapped around a woman in a wedding dress. you paused, your breath hitching before you looked at the next few photos quicker, the unknown woman was dressed casual for a few pages, then replaced by a third unknown man in a suit.

there were less photos of him dressed casually before he was replaced by another woman in the same dress as before; then another, a man in a suit. they kept changing, never lasting more than ten pages in the albums as kyle and johnny got older through the photos.

their third never reappeared once they’d disappeared.

you breathed in shakily, understanding that you weren’t their first, likely wouldn’t be their last if they caught you trying to escape again. christ, how many were like you that would be killed before they were forced to put on the wedding dress or suit.

you put the book back with shaking hands and grabbed your knife again. you weren’t going to sit there and wait for them to come looking for you, but you’d foolishly gotten distracted and hadn't heard where they’d gone when you were looking at the photos. you pressed close to the door and held you breath while listening out for them on the other side.

when it had been quiet for long enough for your legs to feel tired, held rigidly still in the cold shed, you pushed opened the door slowly and stepped out. you stopped mid step when you saw kyle and johnny sat patiently at their garden table just opposite, staring at you with wide smiles.

“mornin’,” johnny called across and you reflexively brought up the knife in front of you.

“what’s the knife for?” kyle asked, amused, his lips pulling up at one side as he glanced at it lazily. “got the jitters, love? it’s normal, i still get butterflies and we’ve done this how many times now, johnny?”

“countless. but ah’ve got a good feeling about this one.” johnny’s grin turned salacious as he looked you up and down.

“me too.” kyle let his smile spread.

you stared for a moment, debating running. “what are you going to do to me?”

kyle’s grin stretched and he dipped his head to take a drink of his tea to hide it, laughing a little at your shaking hands.

“it’s our wedding day hen, you forget already?” johnny cooed.

you frowned, gripped the knife tighter.

“price was good enough to agree to officiate today instead of the end of the week, last minute changes cannae be helped though,” he added with an easy shrug. “hopefully simon’ll be able t’make it too.”

“the cake…” you mumbled, feeling betrayed at how many people they had in on it. how long they’d planned this and played pretend with you.

“she caught on quick. smart one this time, think we’ve made a good choice.” gaz stood as he spoke to johnny causing you to stiffen in unease. you lifted the knife up high in front of you again where it’d dropped to your side.

“now now, come on. you think you know what you’re doing with that, love? think you could kill me if you had to? johnny too?”

you stared at johnny behind kyle’s shoulder; the picture of relaxed, but you could see how sharp his eyes were as he watched you threaten his husband.

“sas, remember? even if you did manage to knick me, and that’s a big if, love, johnny would have you laid flat before you had a chance to blink. he’s broad but he’s bloody quick even with the knee.” he pointed to your bruised temple as he took another step. “but you’ve already experienced that. let’s just think about what you want to do here, yeah?”

frustration welled inside you and you blinked as tears ran down your cheeks. “i want to go home,” you whispered.

gaz smiled softly, the mean glint in his eyes gone when he nodded. “we can do that.”

“you just have to put down the knife first, hen.”

you shook your head, working yourself up as you felt your fight or flight turn to freeze as you stared them down another minute longer, desperate to find a way out.

gaz took another step and you swiped desperately to stop him from getting too close, but flinching back yourself when johnny barked out a sharp, “hey!”

gaz ducked out your reach but lifted his arm under yours to control its trajectory, elbowing you in the nose with his other arm. you felt a crunch and stumbled back, the knife falling from your grip and into kyle’s.

“guhh!” your hands flew up to your aching nose as you gasped, the pain sharp and ferocious, pinpointed to your sinuses as you bent forward to instinctively protect your face.

“ah shit.” you heard kyle sigh.

“bit bloody rough, garrick,” johnny chastised as he finally came closer, kneeling before you, keeping one hand tight on your calf to keep you close as the other gently, but insistently wheedled your hands away from your messy face.

“used to manhandling you aren’t i, soap?” kyle groused, but sending you worried looks all the same. he stepped away to drop the knife on the table, grabbing the small tea towel they’d had folded next to their plates and handing it to soap when he got close again.

you hissed as johnny cleaned you up as best he could with the scratchy cloth, sucking in a ragged breath through your mouth and gagging at the rancid taste of your own blood.

they herded you back to the farmhouse and sat you in kyle’s lap in the kitchen.

you took a sick satisfaction when he grunted at your weight on his legs, but the firm squeezing of your hips had you wiggling away. his grip was firm however and he kept you from hovering above him as johnny wiped at your nose with a wet rag.

“this is gon’hurt, cannae lie t’ya,” he said as he cupped either side of your face, his thumbs pressed along your nose. “wee bastard broke it, but i’ll make it good as new.”

kyle grumbled and johnny huffed, corrected himself. “wee bonnie bastard.”

you whimpered and jerked in kyle’s hold when johnny pushed it back into place, wiping it down once more.

“ye play nice and forgive each other, now, yeah?” he ordered. “close contact always helps w'that i've found.”

gaz nuzzled in close at that, hummed against your cold skin. “i’m sorry, baby. been a while since we played with someone so delicate.”

you stayed silent and johnny tilted your head to get a better look at your nose with the bleeding slowed down.

“looks good as new, bonnie,” he confirmed, ducking down to kiss you.

you winced when his nose knocked yours and felt his grin against your pursed lips.

suddenly, deliriously, you thought of the wedding photos they’d want to take. they’d be ruined, you thought with glee.

you told them so and watched as gaz pouted over your shoulder. johnny hummed.

“we have plenty of time to make memories together,” he settled on saying finally.

“you’re better than they were,” gaz agreed. “you’ll be better.” last longer, went unsaid.

you shook your head but they ignored it as they pulled you to stand up between them.

“now, you better start getting ready, price will be here soon and so should simon. we want to get this done quickly so we can get to the good part,” gaz said.

“consummating the marriage,” johnny winked.

you let them guide you back to your room where you saw the wedding dress laid on the bed, matching shoes on the floor set neatly.

sat on the bed next to the dress you ran your hand over the silky material, the intricate sewing and beading.

your head pounded, the injury from what you now knew was the day before and now the nose had your ears ringing. you grabbed the glass of water from the side table and downed it, uncaring if it was from two nights ago, suddenly parched as you thought of the amount of tears you’d shed.

when you could finally bring yourself to put on the dress you marvelled at the fit, the way the material looked draped over your curves.

like the sisterhood of the travelling pants but for two psychos’ fucking wedding, you thought and snorted.

you were truly connected to all their victims before you now.

you slipped on the shoes and let yourself hide your face in your hands as your hope finally crumbled. this was happening and you weren’t sure how to feel about it.

christ, whether it was the bump to the head or maybe elliot’s treatment for the last few years had done a worse number on you than you’d realised, but you couldn’t help but wonder if this would still be better than how you’d be living in london.

you wiped your face and headed for downstairs. it was like a sick repeat of the night you’d all gone out as they cooed and fawned over you when you got to the bottom. and once more you liked it.

liked it the same way you’d liked their attention every time they focused on you, complimented you. a slut just like elliot had spat. like johnny had moaned.

you swallowed thickly and hid your shaking hands behind your back.

they led you outside and you took the time to try and think of elliot’s face as he was beaten to death not twenty-four hours before; hoping to get a wake up call from these tumultuous, traitorous feelings. but you could only think of the lipstick mark on his neck and the photos of his cock on his phone that you knew he’d never sent to you, the texts he’d hide, the video you’d finally found of him fucking another woman.

you thought about how kind and gentle kyle and johnny had been over the last few days and bit your cheek harshly. switched to thinking of johnny using you while you slept, kyle taking you half inside their car, but it didn’t horrify you like you’d expected it to.

the gut clenching panic you’d expected to feel was absent as you remembered the feeling of their hands on you and instead you were ashamed to feel yourself grow wet.

were you so fucked up, so lonely and starved that you were going to willingly ‘marry’ these men and let them treat you like that?

if you took a moment to think about it, were they even a step up from elliot?

you looked up and ahead and saw price get out of his car, a genuine smile puffing up his cheeks as kyle waved. you assumed the ceremony would be starting soon enough.

kyle leant in to kiss your temple and johnny removed his hand from your shoulders and instead took yours in his own with an excited squeeze.

well, you knew the answer to the first question at least.

want to email johnny? click here

[dalishious]

Alistair vs. Cullen

It really annoys me when people act like Alistair and Cullen are the same character, when they are very different.

Alistair grew up with child neglect. When visiting Denerim, Eamon kept him in the kennels. At Redcliffe, he slept in the stables on a pile of hay. Alistair also recounts a time when he was locked in the dungeons for a day before someone came to get him out. And of course he also talks about how Isolde despised him, and “made sure the castle wasn't a home.” But is still convinced that Eamon is a good person and he deserved all that. Cullen had a very fortunate upbringing with a loving family who supported him and what he wanted in life.

Alistair never wanted to be a Templar; he was forced into joining the Order by Eamon. He is vocal about how much he despised this, and considers Duncan recruiting him for the Wardens as “saving” him from them. The only thing he says he enjoyed about Templar training was the educational component, which he did not receive previously. Alistair was a poor recruit because he frankly did not want to be there, and therefore did not take it very seriously. He saw practices like the Harrowing as horrifying, and deepened his dislike of being a Templar further. And as time goes on, he becomes even less of a supporter of the Order; he outright says Meredith is the biggest threat to Kirkwall in Dragon Age II, if made king of Ferelden. It was always Cullen’s dream to be a Templar, and would even force his younger sister to “play the apostate” for his “training” before being recruited. Cullen was an enthusiastic recruit who considered Templar training “all that he had imagined”, and “did not hesitate” in taking his vows. Even the Harrowing did not waver his devotion to the Order, which by Dragon Age II becomes downright fanatical and tyrannical, practically worshipping Meredith. (Though this was later attempted to be retconned in Dragon Age: Inquisition… just as poorly as all the other retcons in that game, taking the path of “just pretend he never said and did all those things!”)

There is a lot of dialogue from Alistair about how much he dislikes the Chantry. Cullen, on the other hand, is extremely faithful and the only criticism he ever has about the Chantry is that they don’t treat the Templars well enough.

Alistair has a good sense of humour—in fact, it’s one of his biggest coping mechanisms. Cullen wouldn’t know a joke if it hit him in the face.

The player can disagree with Alistair on every turn. He is presented as sometimes being right, and sometimes being wrong, like most people. (Side note: more than that, you can be downright verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to Alistair. Holy shit, I didn’t even realize how bad it can get until reading through the dialogue in the toolset, because I’ve never picked those options in game. I was honest to god flabbergasted and very uncomfortable through much of it.) The player rarely has the chance to even mildly disagree with Cullen. On the rare occasion you do, the dialogue is painted as if the player is being an unreasonable asshole, and he never even addresses what they say. (Example.)

The only reason I think people are capable of mistaking them for another is because fandom likes to donate Alistair’s personality onto Cullen. That and the the ever-frequent whitewashing of Alistair doesn’t help matters. But I’m not even a Cullen fan and I think it’s a disservice to both of them to act like they’re just Alistair and Alistair 2.0, honestly.

[tia-shay]

I have been resurrected…this time from a new account because in true plutonian fashion I feel the need to combust and start anew far too often.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PLAGIARIZE MY WORK.

thank you for reading you angel of a person! enjoyyy🤍

🖤 The classic Scorpio stereotype of being dark, brooding, and cryptic doesn’t belong to Scorpio suns. It belongs to the risings, moons, and mars. Every Scorpio sun I know is the bubbliest mf to walk the planet.

🤍 It’s well known that personal planets in Virgo can make for a perfectionist, but I’ve also noticed this pattern with Virgo degrees in a chart. Degrees tell a large part of your story as well!

🖤 I’ve said it before and I WILL say it again: I’ve never met an Aries, Gemini, Scorpio, or Sagittarius sun that wasn’t popular, or at the very least: amazing at holding convos with all kinds of people. If you aren’t popular, congrats, you’re a unicorn.

🤍 Piggybacking off of the above observation, these signs aren’t necessarily prone to being buddy-buddy with everyone. But I have noticed they can hold a conversation and have a wide variety of acquaintances at the very least.

🖤 Taurus and Libra suns will never be caught slacking. Their self-esteem and quality of life is tied to their need of a harmonious environment and looking cute 24/7. Also never met a Taurus or Libra sun that wasn’t adored for their beauty.

🤍 Sagittarius placements are both super energetic and super cuddly at the same time. Like they can do both so effortlessly. I see why everyone loves them lol.

🖤 Saturnian moons (Aqua and Cap) go sooo well together. I will forever obsess over this pairing. Aquarius’ analytical nature and expansive thinking combined with Capricorn’s stable nature and diligent care creates such a sweet and enriching element.

🤍 In my humble opinion, Saturnian moons don’t get enough credit for their depth. I’m biased, but having known these signs on a personal level, their depth is beyond what people speak on. Of course, not just anyone is getting in their thoughts though. These signs open up over time. Hence, the Saturnian influence. Being intentional in the sharing of emotions does not equal being emotionally stunted. With that being said, Saturnian moons can most certainly suppress their emotions better than the average person.

🖤 You would think a Sagittarius mars would make for an adventurous person who probably loves nature, but every sag mars I know is deathly afraid of the things that live in nature: i.e. bugs. They will scream their heads off if a bug even looks at them.

🤍 Gemini moons learned how to gossip and keep tabs on people from their mother. They also have great conversational skills that they learned from her. Their mother was likely popular and social. Same goes for Libra moons.

THANK YOU FOR READING. 🫶🏽✨

RIGHTS RESERVED TO MY BLOG astro-enthusiast . DO NOT COPY, REWRITE, OR PLAGIARIZE MY WORK. DO NOT REPOST MY WORK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

[astroa3h]

Chiron through the signs ✨

Chiron, the wounded healer, is a celestial body that carries profound significance in our astrological journey. Its placement in your chart reveals where you harbor deep, often unspoken pain, and paradoxically, where you possess the unique power to heal others. But let's get one thing straight: Chiron is not a fluffy, feel-good part of your chart. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s the stuff we don’t talk about at dinner parties.

If your Chiron is in Aries, you’ve likely struggled with your sense of identity. You’ve been burned by rejection, by the feeling that no matter how hard you try, you’re never quite good enough. You might feel like you’re constantly at war with yourself, and this inner conflict can manifest in a need to prove yourself over and over again. But here’s the truth: the only person you need to prove yourself to is you. Stop fighting battles that don’t exist. Instead, recognize that your wound is your power. You have the ability to lead, to inspire, to be the trailblazer who shows others that self-acceptance is the greatest victory. When you stop looking for validation outside of yourself, you’ll find it within.

With Chiron in Taurus, the wound runs deep in your sense of security and self-worth. Maybe you’ve never felt truly stable, either financially or emotionally. You might cling to material possessions or relationships, thinking they will fill the void inside you. But I sense that this is a trap. The more you try to hold on, the more you lose sight of what really matters: your own intrinsic value. The key here is to redefine what security means to you. It’s not about what you have; it’s about who you are. When you start to appreciate your own worth, you’ll find that the external world mirrors that back to you. Your healing comes from knowing that you are enough, just as you are.

Chiron in Gemini speaks to wounds around communication and self-expression. You might feel like you’re never truly heard or understood, like your voice is lost in the crowd. This can lead to a fear of speaking up, of sharing your thoughts and ideas. But let me tell you, your voice is powerful, and it’s needed. Your challenge is to push through the fear, to find the words even when they don’t come easily. When you do, you’ll find that your words have the power to heal, not just yourself but others too. Your gift is in connecting the dots, in seeing the big picture, and helping others do the same. Don’t shy away from that. Your voice is your superpower.

If your Chiron is in Cancer, the wound is tied to your sense of belonging, to home and family. Maybe you’ve never felt like you truly fit in, or perhaps there’s a deep hurt connected to your childhood or your relationship with your mother. This wound can make you feel emotionally exposed, vulnerable in a way that’s hard to protect yourself against. But here’s what you need to know: your sensitivity is not a weakness; it’s a strength. You have the capacity to create the safe space you’ve always longed for, both for yourself and for others. Your healing comes from nurturing, from creating a sense of home within yourself. When you do, you’ll find that the world feels a lot less hostile.

With Chiron in Leo, the wound strikes at your sense of self-expression and creativity. You might feel like you’re always in the shadow, never truly able to shine in the way you want. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, like you’re not special enough, not talented enough. But I’m here to tell you that this is a lie. You were born to shine. Your challenge is to step into the spotlight, to own your gifts, and to stop comparing yourself to others. When you embrace your uniqueness, you’ll find that your light not only brightens your world but illuminates the path for others too. Your creativity is your medicine; use it.

Chiron in Virgo touches on issues of perfectionism and self-criticism. You might feel like you’re never quite good enough, like you’re always falling short of some impossible standard. This can lead to a constant state of anxiety, of feeling like you need to fix yourself or others. But let me give you a reality check: perfection is an illusion. The more you chase it, the further away it gets. Your healing comes from accepting your imperfections, from realizing that you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect. When you let go of the need to be perfect, you’ll find peace. And that peace will allow you to help others find their own.

Chiron in Libra brings wounds related to relationships and balance. You might struggle with feeling like you’re always the one giving more, always the one trying to keep the peace. This can lead to resentment, to feeling like you’re never truly valued for who you are. But here’s the deal: you need to stop seeking balance outside of yourself. True balance comes from within. When you find that inner equilibrium, your relationships will naturally start to reflect that. You have the ability to create harmony, to bring people together, but only when you’re in harmony with yourself. Stop trying to please everyone and start pleasing yourself.

With Chiron in Scorpio, the wound is deep, connected to issues of power, control, and transformation. You might have experienced trauma or betrayal, something that has left you feeling powerless or out of control. This wound can lead to a fear of intimacy, a fear of being vulnerable. But here’s what I know: your power lies in your ability to transform. You have the capacity to rise from the ashes, to reinvent yourself in a way that others can only dream of. Your healing comes from embracing the darkness, from facing your fears head-on. When you do, you’ll find that your power is unstoppable. You are the phoenix; don’t be afraid to burn and be reborn.

Chiron in Sagittarius touches on wounds related to belief systems and the search for meaning. You might feel like you’re always questioning, always searching for something that feels true. This can lead to a sense of restlessness, of never feeling truly grounded. But I sense that your journey is not about finding the answers; it’s about embracing the journey itself. Your healing comes from trusting your own inner wisdom, from realizing that you don’t need to have all the answers to be on the right path. When you embrace the adventure, you’ll find that the meaning you’re searching for is already within you.

If your Chiron is in Capricorn, the wound is tied to issues of authority, responsibility, and achievement. You might feel like you’re always carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, like you need to be the strong one, the responsible one. This can lead to a fear of failure, of not living up to expectations. But here’s the truth: you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Your value is not in what you achieve but in who you are. Your healing comes from letting go of the need to control, from trusting that you are enough just as you are. When you do, you’ll find that success comes naturally, without the struggle.

Chiron in Aquarius brings wounds related to individuality and belonging. You might feel like you’re always on the outside looking in, like you don’t quite fit in with the crowd. This can lead to a fear of being different, of standing out. But let me tell you, your difference is your gift. You were not born to fit in; you were born to stand out. Your challenge is to embrace your uniqueness, to find your tribe, the people who get you, and to stop trying to conform. When you do, you’ll find that your individuality is exactly what the world needs. You are the change-maker, the innovator, and your healing comes from embracing that.

Finally, with Chiron in Pisces, the wound is connected to spirituality and the dissolution of boundaries. You might feel like you’re always picking up on the emotions of others, like you’re drowning in a sea of feelings that aren’t even yours. This can lead to a sense of confusion, of not knowing where you end and others begin. But here’s the secret: your sensitivity is your superpower. You have the ability to tap into the collective consciousness, to feel deeply and to heal others through your empathy. Your healing comes from setting boundaries, from learning to protect your energy while still being open to the world. When you do, you’ll find that your compassion is your greatest strength.

Chiron is not here to break you; it’s here to make you whole. By understanding its placement in your chart, you can turn your wounds into wisdom, your pain into power.

Blessings,

Ash ✨

Get your own reading at astroash.net

[nayatarot777]

Is There Anyone Who You Need To Be Wary Of Right Now?

• Pile One •

This person could be an Earth sign feminine - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. If not then they’re someone who enjoys physical comforts and luxuries. This doesn’t have to mean that they’re wealthy, but they may just prioritise money and materialism. This could even be a boss of a company. This person is very rash with the way that they communicate. They don’t think before they speak. They also communicate in a very immature and childish way. Their actions could also be very rash too. I am picking up on a major immaturity from this person though. They’re highly unawakened. This could be linked to how they’re highly materialistic or how they worship money more than anything else, but I’m seeing that they’re highly unawakened in general. They’re not self aware, they’re not aware or understanding of experiences and lifestyles outside of their own. They’re highly judgemental - but this is because they’re highly judgemental towards themselves. This is giving ‘insecure ass person who puts themselves up on a pedestal to cover up their insecurities’.

You need to be wary of this person because you’re trying to gain control over your life. You’re trying to direct your life to the place that you want it to be, but I’m seeing this person trying to cause you pain as a way of putting up blocks in your path. You’re being represented in this reading as the Page of Pentacles - someone who’s learning how to build some type of stability for themselves - and this person is trying to get in the way of this. They’re triggered by any self-stability that you have. Their insensitive way of speaking is the way that they try to hurt you. They know exactly what they’re doing as this is a conscious decision. I’m also seeing that this person could’ve already brought you pain - perhaps triggered some traumas out of you - and they’re trying to control the narrative behind your back. This person is a bit strange too as they don’t want to acknowledge what you’re building for yourself. Whatever money or stability you’re accumulating, they’re not wanting to see it.

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• Pile Two •

This person is either highly religious or just a major conformist. They could be a preacher or the equivalent to one - someone who likes to preach their own beliefs. They stay in line within society’s expectations of them and they don’t budge. This person could also be a married person. I’m seeing this person watching you and trying to learn things about you while you’re in a dark time mentally. While you’re experiencing fears, anxieties, and kind of stuck in a self-imposed mental prison. This is either a past or present energy. You were protecting yourself from this person, or just keeping yourself away from the external world as you didn’t feel prepared nor stable enough to deal with the judgements or expectations of others. This person could’ve definitely sent you judgements and tried to mask this as “religious help” or “religious teachings”.

The reason why you need to be wary of this person is because this person is highly argumentative and combative. They try to fight people about their beliefs or way of living if those things don’t align with theirs. This person tried (or is trying) to emotionally confuse you, away from something that holds a lot of abundance or positive energy for you. I don’t like this energy at all. It’s like they want to try to brainwash you into following the path that they want you to take and they’re willing to make you feel like you’re confused or lost as a way of doing this. This person is fucking disgusting considering they’ve literally watched you go through a mentally challenging time already. They’re seeing you in this state and deciding that you’re vulnerable enough for them to manipulate and force their own personal beliefs and expectations onto. Very predatory energy - especially if this person is religious in some way.

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• Pile Three •

I’m not seeing anyone who you need to be wary of currently, Pile Three. At most, you need to be wary about what you’re exposing yourself to online - especially if you’re consuming things that make you feel angry or anxious. You’re nobody’s saviour apart from your own and you’re not responsible for trying to save the world. It’s not normal (or healthy) for human beings to be bombarded with human tragedies and everything wrong about the world all of the time. Apart from that, I’m seeing that you’re part of the group of people who’ve been really isolating yourself and entering contemplation. You seem to be the victor of battles that other people have tried to cause for you and now you’re highly defensive. It doesn’t seem like anyone can really come into your space/energy and negatively affect you.

Again, there’s a need to detach yourself emotionally from the internet in general for a little bit. Some of you may be physically alone and away from others but you’re filling your time with online activities. If you’re not part of the group of people in this pile who are already being introspective, there’s a need for you to detach yourself from the outside/online world and sit in silence for a period of time. There’s some type of mental awakening that you’ll have about your personal beliefs and morals. These things may be swayed or blocked from realising by what you’re consuming online. There’s a need to figure out personally what you’d like to focus on and direct a lot of energy into for your PERSONAL life. Try not to be so distracted by everyone else’s life - especially people who you don’t even know personally. If you’re feeling mentally tired or defeated despite not doing much throughout your days, then this is the reason why. Your brain needs a rest. Not constant stimulation from social media.

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[4rticbolt]

A Swordsman’s Love |Master-list|

GN!Reader, Fluff, angst if you squint, comfy comfort

First one-shot ish, too long for a Drabble! Basically a run down on Zoro’s love for you, yap sesh, and vulnerable moments with the lovable swordsman.

…………………………………..

Zoro’s love language is quality time, maybe with a mix of acts of service here and there, but regardless you couldn’t change my mind.

Despite how ‘cold’ and ‘rough’ he may be, he’s just a little more emotionally constipated. And he tends to be a bit forward and blunt with his love. Even if it at first it doesn’t come across that way.

He is nowhere near as romantically inclined as the cook, and compared to Sanji, Zoro’s actions speak more than words.

Zoro doesn’t really care for all that gushy, sweet, blabbering- it’s not really his style, nor his strong suit. And of course he can have his moments with you, being unironically sweet or flirty or even splitting to a grumbling blushing mess the next, it’s just the way he is.

The time he spends with you, is a whole ‘nother story. It’s incredibly important to him and the basic building blocks of your relationship. It’s what you both really tend to feed off of, even if a certain stubborn swordsman won’t admit it.

An often occurrence between you two, is him dragging you for a nap; tossing you over his shoulder, without a care.

“M’tired, nap.”

“So.. I was relaxing?”

“What? And you can’t do that with me?” He prompts bluntly, carrying you through the hallway towards the men’s quarters. His arm’s securely wrapped around your thighs, and his left hand casually wanders to your end, gently gripping the hem of your shirt. Making sure to keep you stable in his hold, as you lean up slightly on his shoulder.

“Well, yeah I can, but it’s different when I’m in the sun,” you grumble, trying to ignore his tendencies, softly glaring towards him. Trying not to ignore the way his hand wandered, or the way his words dully striked your heart. Attempting to push past those feelings, you try to protest again but he cuts you off…

“And I’m plenty warm, I don’t see what your issue is.” He responds, effectively shutting you up. With another incoherent mumble on your end, it isn’t long till you’re placed up in the hammock-like bed, and he’s up there with you- caging you in.

And, if you’ve noticed, Zoro isn’t the chatty type, given that trait, one of his favorite things to do is listen to you.

Whether you’re sitting on his lap, or resting by his side, watching him train, you name it- talking about whatever your heart desires: he’s listening to you.

Your voice is like a coolant to him, easing away his pain, distracting his mind to focus all his thoughts to you.

Zoro tends to make mental notes when you say something you like…or love, even hate. Surprising you when you’re sick, or sad- even out of the blue he still remembers it, and frankly it warms your heart.

Thinking no one would know or remember, but somehow he does. He’d always picked up on your silent cues, whether emotionally or physically he could just tell. Even if he couldn’t exactly explain it, he just knew.

Likewise, when you’d gotten a nasty fever bed ridden for days, he’d stuck by your side (as most of the crew would). But he knew you hated being alone, surrounded in silence, and left to yourself, missing the company of the boisterous crew. He could only hope his presence was enough.

And it always was.

Of course he’d slapped a cold rag over your face, telling you to get better so he could train- but he meant well.

And the discrete gentle lapses of his fingers, soothing you to sleep proved that. Not to mention the way his hand brushed your hair out of your face, eventually tucking you in.

Moreover, to put the cherry on top, Sanji had brought you in one of your favorite foods, yet you didn’t know how because you’d never mentioned it… so you ultimately suspected Zoro had begrudgingly asked the cook to make it for you.

You didn’t question him about it, but you did thank him as he dozed off by your side. Awkwardly leaned against you, making your legs go numb, but that was your lovable idiot. You’d take what you could get.

And there was always so little but so very much of him, and you cherished every second of it.

Zoro always looked out for you, sometimes in ways you couldn’t tell.

The way his eyes followed you as you climbed down from the crows-nest. Exhausted after a morning watch, eyes-bags of a literal panda, he made sure you made it down safe, and if there was ever a moment you wouldn’t, he’d be there for you.

Ready to catch you if you fell, tripping on a stair or even stubbing your toe- he’d had an instinct at this point. Given your clumsy nature. But that was just Zoro’s protective charm.

Silent, sometimes brooding, a definite RBF that scared away any weirdos…he was your safespace.

And your guard dog

But no one would outrightly say that. He could be as brash and avoiding as he wanted to be, but he could never run from you, nor hide his feelings. Well anyways.

His touch tended to be rough and calloused, you were usually manhandled- not that you minded. Often one and done, or pushed against a wall and kissed senseless.

It was a deep love. The type of love where if someone asked you why you loved eachother, you wouldn’t be able to tell them. You were just drawn, like some gravitational pull.

And in the warm after dawn of the hours, locked in his hold, limbs entangled and snoring bruisingly loud in your ear, he was still your’s. Trusting you enough to be vulnerable like this, holding you sleepily in his arms, he loved you.

He never often said it, but when he did, he’d always meant it.

Zoro was never one to beat around the bush, and miscommunication had never really been an issue for you two.

However, without being told your loved and wanted- that you were important, overthinking can tend to flourish. Often leading to you doubting your abilities, and if you’re really worth the time or the effort at all.

Once he figured out you’d been doubting yourself, letting your mind get the better of you, he wasn’t disappointed, nor angry, just confused.

Like I said, Zoro’s a little emotionally constipated…so you’d just have to be simple and straightforward with him.

He couldn’t just magically understand what the problem was, and you either told him in a heated discussion. Or a breakdown with tears- but either method worked, because he’d be there for you regardless.

Zoro would be stunned for a moment, a blank sheet, but the words would eventually register and his gaze would soften. He’d come closer pulling you in for a hug. Letting his hands wash over skin, comfortably sinking beneath your clothes…and wiping away any of the very tears he didn’t mean to cause.

He didn’t really know what to think, he didn’t blame you, but he did slightly blame himself. He also thought you needed to toughen up a bit, but he never meant it harshly.

More in a joking way if anything, but as he said it, he’d realized it was not the right time. And as he watched you burst into tears, he felt his heart shatter and his brain fry. He had to completely freeze for a moment before stepping in.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t- ____ please don’t cry,” he’d mutter and shush, gently grabbing your face as he tried to wipe away your tears.

If that didn’t work he’d hug you until you stopped, pulling you to his lap or side, guarding you and soothing you with his filling touch, trying to ease your worries.

He’d curse the world and himself for letting it get this far, or get this bad without him even realizing what the deep rooting issue was. But he wouldn’t let you feel that way any longer. And despite your insecurities it never once tainted you or your relationship in his eyes.

To put it simply, if you didn’t feel loved, then he’d simply have to remind you, and assure you relentlessly until you did.

He’d bring your teary eyes to look to back into his, holding your face once again as he’d repeated the words he often didn’t say. Looking determinedly down to you.

“____ look at me, ____ I love you, I. Love. You.”

He never once fawned you weak, nor sensitive, but he wished you’d realize how important you are to him, and how much he loves you.

The literal Straw Hat to his Luffy, or the SUPER to his Franky, it simply wouldnt be the same without you. And he’d stand stubbornly by it no matter what your thoughts had to offer. You were his to love, his to hold, and his cherish.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ultimately, a swordsman’s love like Zoro’s is indefinitely hard to tell, it depends on how you see him really. Though, out of all honestly, he was just a kid forced to grow up way too fast.

As he serves as a first-mate on the crew, his ‘job’ is to protect and take care of the others, especially you. In the real light, he’ll try to downplay it. Playing it cool as secretly he dignifies you, a lot more than he’d ever give credit for.

In deeper terms, this is where his acts of service, and quality time comes further into play.

His worry for you is strong, whether you can fight or not, you’re in sharp terms on his radar- and he can’t help it.

You’re not fragile to him, you never are, but in the moments where you’re injured, it’s like he has tunnel vision. He doesn’t want you to get hurt. He can’t stand seeing you in pain, suffering, when it was his job to protect you in the first place.

You’re his.

Maybe…just maybe he’s on the overprotective side, often never letting you out of his sight when injured, reminding you to rest, or pulling you in for more naps. He just needs to be with you, and make sure you’re okay, and safe.

And if there was ever a time you weren’t, he’d silently offer to tend to your wounds, re-bandage them if Chopper was unable to, or just do it because he want to. Or to prove a point.

You tended to insist you could do it alone. But he doesn’t budge, he never did. He’s stubborn, and strong minded, so when his mind is set on something it is very hard to break.

“____ Can you just let me-?”

“No,” you said shakily, crossing your arms over your stomach, covering the bandages that blood leaked from. “I said it’s fine, you don’t need too, Chopper will be back in a bit.”

“Yeah, like I’m gonna wait and let you bleed out, just c’mere and sit your ass down,” he scoffed, walking over to you with a huff.

“I’m not gonna bleed out-“

“If I don’t re-bandage it and put some pressure on it yeah, you are,” Zoro finished, snapping half-heartedly as he carefully grabbed you, pulling you to sit against the lounge. It wasn’t long till he had a wad of bandages, antiseptic, and his larger hands on either side of you.

Despite Zoro being a dummy, you forget how tender and smart he could be in situations like these. They way he knew what to do, and how to treat you…but that was probably learned throughout the hundreds of injuries he’d sustained.

The way he most likely picked up on the tricky techniques, was because he watched Chopper tend them.

You couldn’t find a response, unknowing of what to say- given you didn’t know how to talk to him when he was like this. Not to mention you weren’t used to being cared for, it caused a bittersweet feeling to say in the least.

Yet somehow, despite your struggles Zoro exceeded at caring for you.

You had to look away as he kneeled beside you, trying to distract yourself as he leaned you back. Carefully, peeling up your shirt as he dealt with the old and wrapped in with the new.

You had to take your mind off the pain, staring up at the wooded ceiling, watching the soft glow that emmitted from the tank. Covering the room in a tinted blue, almost as if you were wearing ski-goggles.

Suddenly cursing, a shaky groan slipped past your stubborn filter, reeling from the pain of the antiseptic. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on something else. Anything else. Like Zoro’s touch, rather than the pain that was caused by it, “You done yet?”

“Just relax,” he sighed, dabbing the antiseptic over the newly done stitches “Your almost done. And I told you to take it easy,” The swordsman lectured, closing his eyes for a split second as he heard another pained sound.

He hated hearing you like that, much less seeing it.

“Sorry,” he apologized, quickly finishing up the tantalizing process, before gently reaching his hands behind your back, leaning you up.

“Just hold on to me yeah?”

You nodded, letting him bring your arms to his shoulders, fighting the urge to lean against him.

But before you knew it, he brought his hand to the nape of you neck, gently guiding you towards him as he successfully wrapped the bandages around our waist.

His hand gingerly combed through your hair, and he kissed your temple, letting his other hand travel in soothing motions along your back. He always knew what to do to calm your nerves, and you melted into his touch.

“Rest pretty, I gotcha.” He mumbled, kissing your jaw before leaning back against the lounge, holding you securely in his arms.

“I gotcha..”

…………………………………..

[hisunshiine]

—wind it back, i’ll take it slow [1/7]

Part 1 of 7 of the Seven Days Series ↣ series masterlist

🗓️ pairing: nurse!jungkook x teacher!reader 🗓️ au/genre: non-idol au, brother’s friend au, fwb, age-gap(reader is older), f2l, fluff, angst, smut 🗓️ rating: M 🗓️ wc: 1,741 🗓️ warnings: emotionally constipated pairing, reader is older, adult worries, growing older, dating younger, time passing and not hitting milestones everyone else is, judgy coworkers, explicit sexual content: praise, begging, light breath play, kissing, unprotected sex, you’re wet wet, creampie, cum stuffing 🗓️ an: as i mentioned in the masterlist, blame @colormepurplex2 for this. This is just the first of seven parts, so it starts us off slowly, easing us into the main pairings in a hopefully delicious way that will open you up for more to come! I hope you enjoy it! Also to blame are  @downbad4yoongi, for helping to expand the characters depth, @heathfritillary-blog for her writing knowledge, challenging me to be a better writer, and of course @peachiilovesot7 and @mrsparkjimin18 for their last minute double checks before posting. ♡ I really hope everyone enjoys this story! 🗓️ summary: “Wind it back, I’ll take it slow, Leave you with that afterglow…” Jungkook has been your best friend since you met him when he was still in college thanks to your brother, Yoongi. Despite your age gap, he easily fell into your world, your life, and your bed…

Taglist: @sizzlingfestpeach @mochminnie @jungkooksmytype

Jungkook yawns, his voice a sleepy cacophony of rumbles and soothing melodies as he details to you about the last-minute patient he had to assist with. As a registered nurse (RN), your friend-with-benefits often wakes you up past your bedtime to crawl in between your sheets, especially if he’s had a particularly hard night on his shift. Like tonight. 

“She just looked so scared, she could barely speak, babe. But I’m glad they rescued her.” Jungkook brushes his teeth from the attached bathroom as you lean in the doorway, watching his shirtless body lean to scoop water into his mouth, swishing it around before spitting it neatly into the sink. “When I left she seemed stable, but this is the part I hate. Waiting until my next shift to find out if the patient made it through the night.”

“You’re a hero, Gguk, even if you don’t always think so. I know you did everything in your power. The rest is up to the universe.” You reach your hand out, connecting your palm gently to his cheek. He leans into it, warmth seeking warmth as his eyes close sleepily. 

“C’mon, let’s go to bed.” He reaches for your free hand, stepping past you to guide you to bed. You blink slowly, eyes readjusting to the dark as you flick the bathroom light off and allow Jungkook to help you climb onto your mattress. You hear him shuck off his sweatpants and feel the dip of the bed as his body joins yours.

“Yoongi’s wedding is this week…remind me that we need to check each other’s outfits, to make sure they’re formal enough.”

Jungkook yawns cutely, trying to actively fight it while answering you, “Yeah, yeah.” Tucking you against his firm form, he wraps an arm around your waist, pushing his leg between yours. You can feel his inhalations as he nuzzles his face into your neck, tickling you. 

“Ggukkie, stop,” you whine, “I’m trying to sleep.”

He huffs, pretending to be irritated. “But, you smell good.” Jungkook holds you tighter, as if melding your body to his so you two become one. The leg between yours lifts higher, until you feel the press of his thigh against your core. “And I want you.”  

It’s slow, the way he wraps both of his arms around you so that his large hands can traverse up your body, fingers mapping your shape until his palms cup your breasts. You love the way his hands hold you—like how a safety belt fits—like you matter. Shaking the thoughts from your head, you maneuver your hands down to shimmy out of your panties. Jungkook shifts his legs to help liberate your thighs from the cotton fabric so he can nestle his favorite body part in between to meet his favorite body part of yours.

It’s always easy for Jungkook to get you wet and dripping as his shaft slips between your lips, his hips rutting as your thighs cockwarm him while he riles you up. 

“Have I told you how much I love your pussy?”

“This week? Seven times.” He leisurely rotates his hips, keeping his cock nestled between your thighs until you can’t stand it and beg, “Fill me up, please.”  

Of course, he doesn’t hesitate.   

Jungkook’s hips roll slowly, your walls suctioning him in deeper as you moan from the penetration. The head of his cock kisses your cervix every time his pelvis meets the meat of your ass cheeks, and his right hand curls up under your arm so that he can hold your neck. A slight pressing of his hand, pressure building as your airway shrinks minimally, sends your heart racing. 

His touch always heats your body, and when he moves his hands from your hip to the apex of your thighs, rough fingers searching for your clit, your body jolts when the pads of his fingers find it. 

“Fuck, Jungkook…” Your eyes roll back as his fingers circle wetly, the sounds of your dripping core and his cock moving in friction filling the room as you moan out his name. 

“I make you feel good, baby?”

“Yeah, don’t stop—please, don’t stop.”

He inhales at your begging, and you feel like he grows impossibly harder inside of you. “I won’t, not when you ask so nicely.”

And he doesn’t stop, but his sleepy thrusts aren’t enough to get you there, even with his fingers gliding along your bundle of nerves. You sigh, turning in his arms as he whines at the loss of your walls. 

Rolling you onto your back, Jungkook re-enters you, his body framing yours from above as you lift your legs to wrap around his slender waist. This angle allows him better access, and you leak out around his cock, juices trailing down your body to drip beneath you onto the sheets. His palms frame your shoulders, caging you in as he smirks down at you like the menace he is. 

Looking up at his face, it’s hard to see all of your favorite parts of him in the dark; the scar along his cheek, the beauty mark you kiss beneath his bottom lip, his doe eyes that sparkle like stars when he looks at you. His head drops to your cheek, and you feel his eye fluttering, lashes tickling your cheek as he tries to hold out, so you can cum first. 

“Kiss me,” you gasp out, and he lifts his head up, tendrils of his hair dancing across your face as he positions his lips to slot over yours. His kiss is fervent, open-mouthed with his tongue seeking yours instantly. Each piston of his hips brings you closer and closer to your peak, a music box key being twisted tighter and tighter until there’s nothing left for you to do but erupt. Your walls flutter, and he fucks you through it, every compressing movement setting him up to follow you into ecstasy. 

Jungkook wants to hold out, you can tell by the way his shoulders tense up under your hands as they roam his body. 

“I could die buried in this pussy, babe, so tight.”

“Please don’t,” you half chuckle, half moan, “I wouldn’t be able to look the hospital staff in the eye again.” You bury your fingers into his messy bedhead and tug. His resounding moan is a luscious symphony, notes sending shivers along your spine.

“Let go for me, fill me up.” You sound breathy as you coax him, voice inviting and ambrosial to help get him there. “Gguk, your cock, fuck, so big…” He coaxes a second orgasm from you, and this time he does cum, a mutual climax leading him to collapse against your chest. He’s heavy in a good way, chests heaving as you collectively try and catch your breath.  

“I’ll change the sheets in the morning,” you comment as he pulls out, his cum trying to follow, but his fingers stop the flow, stuffing you full again while his free hand reaches for the tissue box you placed conveniently on the nightstand.

“You sure? I can change them while you pee.”

“What would I do without you, Ggukkie?” you joke as he relents with a sigh and allows you to get up, pouting at you for letting his cum go to waste.

“You’ll never have to find out. I have a shift meeting tomorrow, but fuck it, let’s sleep in!” He calls out the last part to you as you disappear into the bathroom. The rustling of the new sheets being tucked under each of the four corners is only drowned out when you flush and wash your hands. 

Returning to the bed, now covered in clean sheets with a very sleepy muscle bunny under the comforter, you join him when he opens the blanket to show you where he wants you to lay. Curling into the spot, your head on his chest and a leg thrown over his lap, you allow the steady breathing of Jungkook to be the background to the thoughts swirling in your brain. 

Jungkook is one of your best friends, despite the age gap between you. At twenty-six, he’s six years your junior, but your friend group ranges in ages, with Jungkook being the baby. Yoongi, your younger brother, introduced him to your friend group after they met in college, and you’ve been close ever since. You have a similar upbringing, the same taste in eclectic music, a love for karaoke, and a competitive streak that has the group making sure to always put you on the same team for game night. 

And now, the same brother who brought Jungkook into your life, who is also two years younger than you, is getting married. It’s a weird feeling, when you realize everyone around you is doing adult things, and you’re…fucking your best friend, who you aren’t even dating. Would you date him if he wanted to? You honestly don’t know. He’s a great catch! Has a respectable, well-paying job, owns his car, treats you well, is very giving in bed…but to be honest, his age does make you worry at times. 

You remember confiding in one of your coworkers, who works at the high school with you and Yoongi, about Jungkook and she made a snide remark about his age despite gushing over the picture of him you showed her from your camera roll only a few minutes before. It was as if his age changed her thoughts on him and made her look at you differently. It was a strange thing to experience, because you still feel young. Hell, most days you forget that you and Jungkook aren’t the same age. It’s not like you look significantly older than him! Just the other day, you were carded when buying alcohol…

“Shhh…you’re thinking too loud and I can’t sleep,” Jungkook says before groaning when you slap him on the chest. He’s so attuned to you that he can tell when you’re spiraling into your thoughts. You adjust yourself in his arms, letting your arm drape across his stomach. You curl your fingers to keep him in your arms, growing more comfortable as you sink into your mattress and into slumber, wrapped in his warmth.

Jungkook’s fingers smooth down your hair as he hums lightly to you, a small smile gracing his features as your body settling within his arms soothes that small part of him that aches to always be the thing that brings you peace.

stay tuned for “Lemme swallow your pride” coming 8-1-2023!

↣ all rights reserved © hisunshiine 2023. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

[andvys]

We'll burn the sky | part fifteen

Warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol, drug abuse and addiction, loss of a parent, mentions of cheating, past trauma, angst, fluff

Pairing: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!Fem!reader

Summary: Your Christmas ends up being better than you thought it would.

Word count: 12k+

Author's note: Big thank you to my besties, @littledemondani @mysticmunson & @corrodedcorpses you always help me so much with your amazing ideas, thank you<3

Series masterlist

-

Before Eddie, you have never cried as much as you did in the past few weeks, in fact, you don’t remember when you cried the last time before you met him. You always considered yourself emotionally stable and strong, maybe it was wishful thinking or maybe it was the actual truth, maybe the emotional stability only lasted for a while or maybe it was never there and you just pretended that you were something that you were not. 

You tried to stay strong for yourself. You tried to keep the tears from falling but you couldn’t. 

So much has happened. Every time you thought that it couldn’t get worse, it got so much worse. 

The moment you laid your eyes on that article, you knew your peace was over. The life you knew was over. Everyone knows what happened to your dad and now everyone thinks that you are just the same. 

A wreck. 

A drug addict, an alcoholic, a careless girl who ends up tangled in the sheets with just about anyone. 

Whoever said those horrible things about you? 

“It’s alright, darling,” Wayne says as he rubs your back, letting you cry in his arms, “let it all out, I’m here.” 

You sniffle, trying not to sob, it’s humiliating enough to be seen like this, you hate crying in front of other people. 

You hear the passing cars, the bell over the door in the gas station, the whirring sound of the vending machine next to the telephone booth and Wayne’s soothing voice.

His embrace is just as comforting as Eddie’s, he hugs you in a similar way he does. His arms are wrapped around you protectively and he holds you for as long as you need him to. 

Your tears keep falling as you cry. 

As though the pain of losing your dad was not bad enough, you have been hit by more and more. Now you begin to understand what he had felt like.

Your shoulders are shaking and your tears are staining his jacket, if he notices, he doesn’t seem to mind. 

Once your sniffles quiet down and your tears fall less, you slowly pull away from his embrace. Wiping your tears, you look down at the black stains on your hand. You must look like a racoon right now. 

Your bottom lip is quivering, though you are not sure whether it’s from the cold or the sob that tries to crawl up inside of you. You blink, trying to keep the tears away that are burning in the back of your eyes. You raise your head slowly, looking at his jacket that is stained with tears and mascara stains. 

“I-I’m sorry, I ruined your jacket,” you mumble. 

Wayne places his hand on your shoulder, eying you with concern in his eyes. 

“It’s not ruined, it’s alright,” he says with a sad smile, “do you want to talk about what happened?” He asks, “you don’t have to but I’m here if you need someone to listen,” he adds. 

You feel guilty and bad. Not wanting to be a burden, you go to shake your head but instead you look down at the magazine. Your chest feels burdened by pain. 

Wayne follows your gaze, he looks down at the magazine. You hand it over to him, he glances at you one more time before he takes it from your hand. His brows are furrowed as he looks down, it takes him a moment to comprehend the words on the article before his eyes widen and a shocked look takes over his face. 

You dig your nails into your palms and cross your arms over your chest, looking away, you bite your lip as you feel yourself shivering. The cold wind bites your skin harshly and by the look of the darkened sky, you can tell that the weather is about to get worse. 

“Jesus christ,” Wayne mumbles. 

“I-It’s uh… it’s the truth,” you say, no longer feeling the need to lie, “what they say about him.” 

He looks at you with sorrow and sadness in his eyes. There is pain behind your eyes, he had seen it the first time he met you but there is so much more than that now, there is heartbreak and fear. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he says, not knowing how to comfort you. Wayne was never very talkative, he cannot comfort you with words but by the look on your face, he can tell that your mind is somewhere else anyways, you don’t need words, you need to feel comfort. 

This day is horrible enough for you already but it had gotten so much more awful. 

“I-I didn’t want anyone to know,” you whisper, “they weren’t supposed to remember him like this.” 

“Hey, people loved him, they still will,” he says softly. 

You try to give him a smile but you can only imagine how miserable it looks.

The wind picks up and the snowflakes hit your cold skin harshly. 

“I-I should go,” you mumble, feeling guilty for burdening him this way. 

“You think I’ll let you stay at the motel by yourself today?” 

“It’s okay, really.”

“No, no one should spend Christmas by themselves, least of all you, kid. Come on, you can stay with us, Eddie will be happy to see you.” 

You shake your head, digging your hands into the pockets of your jacket, “I don’t want to intrude.” Eddie didn’t invite you, he doesn’t want you around. 

“Nonsense,” he sighs, waving his hand, “been meaning to ask if you want to spend Christmas with us, now come on.” 

You can’t say no to him, not when he insists for you to spend the day with them. Wayne leads you to his truck and as you settle in the passenger seat and take the magazine back, your tears begin to fall again when you look at the picture of your dad. 

Wayne doesn’t hesitate to hand you the clean napkins that he grabbed too many of when he and Eddie got burgers this week before his shift. You thank him as you reach for one, wiping away the tears. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What are you apologizing for?” He asks in confusion. 

“I’m a mess.” 

He chuckles sadly, the look in his eyes is one of empathy. He pats your back, “aren’t we all a bit of a mess?” 

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips, you nod in agreement. 

“Can you stop by the motel?” You ask after a few minutes of silence, “I got something for Eddie.” 

“Of course.” 

-

“Henry Creel?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Dude, that guy is like.. scary,” Gareth mumbles. 

“Yeah well, according to her, Henry is the nicest guy ever,” Eddie mumbles in annoyance as he leans back on the soft couch in Gareth’s basement, the one they have started practicing in before they moved it to the garage when Corroded Coffin became more serious. 

“She has an interesting taste in men,” Gareth says, “first we got you, a nerdy rockstar, then we got Steve, the rich, handsome babysitter and then we got Creel, scary, creepy Creel.” 

“He is not her type, dude!” Eddie says as he straightens up, rolling his eyes at his friend, “they were just talking.” 

The thought of you flirting with another man, being into someone other than him and well, Steve, makes him feel more jealous than before. 

“Yeah, I have no doubt that they were flirting, that guy might be a creep but I heard that he is very charming with the ladies.” 

Eddie scrunches his face up, “what?” 

“Do you remember Rose?” 

“The girl you had a crush on?” 

“Yeah–”

“The one you threw up on, at your graduation party?” 

Gareth rolls his eyes but he snorts, “yeah, that one.” 

Eddie barks out a laugh, burying his face in his hand as he thinks back to that night. 

“You threw up all over her ugly shoes–”

“Dude, shut up! I’m trying to tell you a story,” he exclaims as he throws one of the pillows at him. Eddie dodges it, laughing. 

“Alright, alright, keep going.” 

Gareth nods, “Rose has a sister named Daisy–” 

“Rose has a sister named Daisy? Who calls both of their kids after flowers?” Eddie asks in confusion. 

Gareth glares at him for interrupting him yet again. Eddie holds his hands up in surrender, shutting his mouth, he leans back again, “continue.” 

“Thanks,” Gareth sighs, shaking his head, “well, Daisy and Henry had a fling, apparently he’s super charming and sweet, but that’s probably an act,” he shrugs, “oh and she said she has a big dick.” 

Eddie raises his brows in surprise, “so he charms the ladies with his big dick?” 

“Yeah, kinda like Harrington. Only he is a princess compared to Creel, that guy is still a creep.”

Eddie snorts at that.

“Well, he didn’t charm my girl,” Eddie mumbles. 

“Oh, your girl?” Gareth nods with a teasing look in his eyes. 

“Yeah.” 

You are his girl, no matter what. 

When he found you with Henry last night, he felt sick with worry, especially when he saw the state you were in. No matter how much alcohol you have had before, he had never seen you like that. Your pupils were widened and you looked like a mess, your dizziness only added to his worry. 

For a moment he feared that he had put something in your drink but you sobered up a little when he brought you back to the motel.

Gareth opens his mouth to speak but gets interrupted when the door is slammed open and someone rushes down the stairs, both men straighten up when they meet Jeff’s shocked expression. 

“Have you seen this?” He asks in panic. 

Eddie gets up, a frown making it’s way on his face. 

“Wren called me, she was crying on the phone because she couldn’t reach her, I went to check up on her but she wasn’t there.” 

Eddie furrows his brows as he stares at his friend in confusion, “Jeff, w-what are you talking about?” 

Jeff says your name and hands Eddie the magazine that he was holding. 

“Y/n?” He mumbles as he feels an instant worry washing over him. Eddie looks down, his eyes fall on the cover of the magazine. His breath hitches in his throat and his brown eyes widen with shock. Immediately, he flips to the page, finding pictures of you and your parents on both sides. 

“What the..” His words get caught in his throat and a sick feeling settles in the pit of his stomach. 

An insider claiming, “She is destructive when she’s drunk or high, sleeping with whoever comes her way and snorting whatever comes up in her hands. It’s not surprising, given she’s the one who found her father dead on the ground with heroin in his arm, only time will tell if she breaks the curse.” 

“What the fuck,” Gareth mumbles as he comes up beside Eddie to read the article. 

Eddie feels like throwing up, his face is so pale, Jeff worries that he might just faint. 

“That’s bullshit!” Gareth mutters, “she doesn’t do that!” 

“Yeah well, an insider made all that shit up for whatever reason,” Jeff mumbles. 

Yeah, Eddie knows that you are not like that, that you don’t do any of those things but what about the part with your dad? What about him? Is that the truth? Is that why you reacted the way you did when Chrissy claimed that he uses drugs? Is that why you were so scared and worried? Because you feared to lose him the way you lost your dad? 

“Oh god,” Eddie whispers, holding his hand over his heart, he finds it racing. He is worried about you. 

“I gotta see her,” he says. 

Both Gareth and Jeff can see the fear in his eyes, the worry and the sickness on his face. 

“She’s not at the motel.” 

“M-Maybe she’s with Steve,” Eddie mumbles and for the first time, he actually hopes that you are with him. 

“Gareth! There’s someone on the phone for you!” His mother yells from upstairs. 

“Alright mom!” 

Eddie watches his friend picking up the receiver of the phone he always kept in the basement. He stares at him, watching him talk to whoever it is on the line, he only watches his lips move, no sound reaches him. 

Jeff steps closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, he asks him if he is okay. Eddie only nods, without registering his words. 

“Eddie,” Gareth calls for him, holding the receiver out to him, “it’s Sam, he wants to talk to you.” 

Nodding, he walks over to Gareth and grabs the receiver. Greeting the man with a shaky voice. 

“Please tell me that you know where she is. I’ve been trying to reach her phone at the motel all morning but she is not picking up.”

Eddie knows that Sam cares about you, taking on the father role of your dad after he had passed. His voice is filled with worry. 

“I-I don’t know where she is, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, “I saw her last night.” 

“Did you see the article?” 

“Yes, is it true?” Eddie asks anxiously, “the things they said about her dad?” 

“Yes.” Sam answers in his hesitation. 

Eddie takes in a sharp breath, closing his eyes, he puts his hand on his forehead. His heart breaks for you. You loved your dad, finding him like this must have been a nightmare, he can only imagine what you have felt like. 

“I have to find her–”

“Is she using again?” 

Eddie’s whole body tenses up, he opens his eyes, staring at his reflection in the small mirror on the wall, all color fades from his face, his heart drops to his stomach. 

Is she using again? 

Is she using again?

“W-What?” He manages to croak out. 

“Is she using drugs again?” 

“What do you mean?” Eddie asks with his wavering voice. “S-She’s not, she’s not using anything, Sam. We’re together all the time, she barely even drinks. W-what do you mean again?” 

Sam hesitates, he sighs. Eddie knows that he won’t get any answers but once again, he is sick with worry. 

“Do me a favor, find her please and tell her to give me a call.” 

The line gone’s dead and Eddie continues to stare at himself in the mirror. Confused and shocked, he keeps holding the receiver even after Sam hung up the phone. He needs to find you. He needs to know what Sam meant by that. 

Slamming the receiver in it’s place, he picks up his jacket and puts it on hastily and reaches for the magazine again. 

“I’m gonna call you later,” he mumbles before he rushes up the stairs and out of the house, determined to find you. 

His heart is racing, it’s filled with fear. Eddie hasn’t felt this anxious in a long time and it only gets worse when he can’t find you anywhere. 

Everything begins to make sense when Eddie remembers how worried Sam was before you left for tour.

'Kid reminds me too much of her dad.'

Now he understands it, his worry. Your reactions whenever it came to the topic of drugs.

-

It feels weird to be back at the trailer, memories of the night with Eddie and Steve flood your mind but you quickly push the thoughts away, not wanting to think of that right now. 

You sit by the small table, a blanket around your shoulder to warm you up from the cold. Your hands are wrapped around the warm mug that Wayne handed you earlier. The radio is on, some Christmas song is playing. You look out the window, watching the snow fall harder than before. The dark clouds make everything appear like it’s early in the evening, a few lights around the trailer are on. 

Wayne made sure that you are alright, he showed you to the bathroom so you could freshen up after you cried off all the mascara. He offered to make you lunch but you settled for coffee, not feeling very hungry. The hangover was long forgotten, the magazine is what’s making you feel sick, right now. 

“Is this what a snowstorm looks like?” You ask, breaking the silence between you. 

Wayne looks up from the newspaper, glancing at you before he looks out the window, “no, you’ll see an actual snowstorm later. There was a blizzard warning, we’ll probably be snowed in till monday again, it happened last year too.” 

“I should probably go then,” you say, not wanting to intrude and stay here for longer than necessary. You don’t want to make him or Eddie uncomfortable. 

Wayne gives you a disapproving look, shaking his head. 

“You’re crazy if you think I’ll let you out there right now.”

“But–”

“You won’t have any food there and I’m pretty sure the heaters will stop working at that shitty motel.” 

“I’m not sure if Eddie wants me here,” you mumble. 

Wayne looks dumbstruck at your words, he takes his reading glasses off, placing them on the table, he leans back in his chair and stares at you, curiosity swimming in his eyes.

Before he can ask you the question he has been meaning to ask, the door is slammed open and a scared looking Eddie rushes in. His eyes are glassy, his brows are knitted together, his shaky voice calls out to his uncle. He closes the door behind him, having yet to notice you sitting there. 

You and Wayne turn to look at him, both staring at him with raised brows. 

“Wayne, I need to– she’s gone and I don’t know, I–” his words get caught in his throat and his eyes widen when he finally sees you. A mix of emotions takes hold of him. Relief, sadness and anger?  

He whispers your name, tears blurring his vision. 

You place the mug on the table, letting the blanket fall to the chair as you rise to your feet. An instant wave of comfort and calmness wash over you when you lock eyes with him. 

Eddie rushes towards you, not bothering to take his snowy boots or jacket off first. He doesn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around you and pull you into his arms. Almost all the tension disappears the moment he feels your warm body in his. He closes his eyes and hugs you tightly. 

Tears swim in your eyes the moment you feel yourself relaxing into his arms. 

You feel safe and protected. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispers, kissing the top of your head. “I’m so so sorry.” 

He hears your quiet sniffle and his heart breaks. If he could take your pain, he would. 

“I’m here.” 

And that’s all that matters to you. Eddie. He is all that matters to you.

Wayne watches the two of you. A moment so bittersweet it makes his heart ache. Had this been a happy moment, he could smile but knowing how much pain you are both in, fills him with pain too. 

Eddie holds you for a moment, giving you the reassurance that you need, telling you that he is here for you, no matter what. 

“I need to talk to you,” he says. Kicking his shoes and jacket off, he leads you into his room, closing the door behind him, he almost forgets what he wanted to ask you in the first place when he sees you in his room for the first time. 

Your eyes are puffy, red rimmed and glassy. You look small and vulnerable. It hurts him to see you like this. He can tell that your mind is running wild and by the way you are looking at him with uncertainty and fear in your beautiful eyes, he already knows that you think you are not welcome here. 

You wrap your arms around yourself, your hands are shaky and you dig your nails into your waist as you look up at him like a child that is about to get scolded. Gone is the wild girl that he had gotten to know, the fearless and confident young woman that seemed unreachable. All he sees is a heartbroken girl that wanted nothing but to be loved. 

God, how could he ever hurt you? 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas. I’m gonna leave, you don’t–” 

“Sweetheart,” Eddie frowns. He steps in front of you, cupping your cheeks, he tucks your hair behind your ear, he caresses your cheek softly. 

“Shut up,” he whispers, “I spent the past two hours searching for you. What makes you think that I don’t want you here?” 

You shrug. 

“I want you here, I wanted you to spend Christmas with us, I wanted to ask you last night but you disappeared and then, well you know.” 

“You want me here?” You ask softly. 

“Yeah, of course.”

“You saw it?” You ask with a voice so small, it’s almost unrecognizable.

He nods. 

“I was looking for you everywhere, you had me worried sick, sweetheart,” he whispers. 

He went to Steve first, worrying him too when he found out about the magazine and you missing. He makes a mental note to give him a call later. He called Robin and then Nancy from the telephone booth at the gas station. He stopped by the hideout and at lovers lake, you were nowhere. For a moment he feared that you had gone to Henry Creel for something, he knows that he sells weed and other things. 

The last place he expected to find you was his trailer but he is so relieved. 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispers, “about your dad, about this whole thing.” 

Your bottom lip quivers and he can tell that you are trying not to cry. 

“I-It’s okay.” 

“No it’s not, it’s not okay. It’s fucked up, that’s what it is. I’m gonna kill the asshole that wrote this–”

“Eddie,” you sigh. 

“You gotta call Sam, he is worried about you.” 

Oh. 

Fear crosses your eyes and it makes his heart drop again. He knows why. 

“I-I’m not using drugs, Eddie,” you whisper, shaking your head, “I’m not doing what they said about me.”

“I know you’re not doing any of that.” 

You are not using drugs, you are not sleeping around, you are not destructive. He knows all of that. But he doesn’t know about your past, he wants to know but not yet, you are not in the right state of mind to answer the questions that have been running through his mind. 

He pulls you into his arms again, closing his eyes and breathing in your scent. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m so worried about you.” 

It eases the pain a little and softens your heart. 

“I’ll be okay.” It’s a lie, you both know it. You are not prepared for what is about to come when you go back on tour next week but you try not to think about it now. 

“B-But what they said about him, it’s true.” 

The pain in your voice, the shakiness and the tears that continue to fall break his heart. You have been through too much. 

“I found him the way they said I did, I found him, Eddie.” 

He closes his eyes, he hugs you tighter. He can imagine how helpless and scared you must have felt that night. 

“I-It was too late, he was gone and I couldn’t.. I couldn’t help him.” 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispers, blinking away his own tears. 

He can feel your body growing weaker as you cry harder, he pulls you along with him as he walks backwards, sitting down on his bed, he pulls you on his lap, you bury your face in the crook of his neck and let him hold you. 

“I’m always here for you, you know that right?” He whispers into your hair after a while. 

You nod against him. 

“No matter what, sweetheart.” 

“Thank you, Eddie,” you whisper, leaning your chin against his chest, you look up at him, admiring the way his curls are still so pretty, even after being out in this weather, “same goes for you.” 

He smiles and squeezes your arms. “I know, you’re an angel,” he whispers, cupping your cheeks, he caresses your cheek, “let me take care of you, please.” It’s all he wants, all he ever wanted. He wants to be there for you, he wants to be the one who gets to hold you, who gets to take care of you. 

His heart ached in his chest when he saw you drunk and so careless last night, the way you talked about yourself made him both sad and angry. You gave him a small glimpse of what is going on in your mind, it was only a small one and yet, it showed him how much pain you are hiding, how much distaste you have for yourself and he doesn’t even know why. You are the most perfect being in his eyes. 

Your heart flutters at his words, the look in his eyes is so soft. 

“Please,” he repeats. 

His care, his pleading eyes, his soft touch as he begs you to let him take care of you brings back the tears in your eyes. You are scared and he can see it so clear. You are scared to let him back in only to lose him again. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

You blink, trying to keep yourself together before you will break down again. 

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere without you.” 

He can see your walls crumbling, the ones you have built up around you to shield yourself from him are slowly falling. 

“I’m with you, no matter what.” 

You whisper his name so brokenly, it almost makes him crumble. 

“I won’t ever leave you.”

You left people who hurt you before, they did nothing to stop you, they didn’t beg you to stay, they didn’t try to fix whatever they had broken, they let you go like you had meant nothing to them. 

People have left you, almost everyone that came into your life did and while it hurt, you accepted it, it just wasn’t meant to be but you can’t imagine a life without him. 

You need him. 

You need him to stay. 

You don’t want to see him walking away. 

You are scared to see it happening and yet, you find yourself breaking down and looking up at him with pleading eyes. 

“Please,” you whisper as you grip his shirt tightly in your hand, “I need you.” 

His heart melts and his eyes soften, he only pulls you closer until your chest is pressed against his. 

“Please don’t ever leave me, Eddie.” 

He doesn’t know whether to cry or to smile knowing that you still want him. But you are so scared, so afraid of watching him walk away from you. In that moment, he realizes why you didn’t want to give him a second chance, why you wanted him to stay away from you, why you wanted the distance so bad. You are scared of losing him in the end, you are scared of a life without him, you are scared that you won’t survive the heartbreak a second time and it breaks his heart. 

He cups your cheeks tighter, looking into your eyes intently. 

“I will never leave you, sweetheart.” 

You let him hold you for a while. You listen to his heartbeat, melting into his touch. He rubs your back and kisses the top of your head. 

You don’t know how many minutes pass in silence but you appreciate it, him and all of this. You feel safe, only in his arms. 

“Can you distract me, today?” You ask, “please?” 

“Of course, sweetheart,” he says. 

“Didn’t you say you like baking?”

“Yeah, why?” 

You look up at him, finding him staring at you already. 

“We should make chocolate cake,” he smiles. 

“You can bake?” You ask. 

He shakes his head, chuckling, “nope but you can.”

“Oh so you just wanna stand there and look pretty while I bake the cake?” 

“Exactly,” he says, squeezing your waist, his eyes flash with excitement knowing that you will spend the whole weekend with him. “I hope you don’t mind being stuck with me this weekend ‘cause there’s no way, I’m letting you go.” 

You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. 

“I don’t mind if you don’t mind.” 

He scoffs, glaring softly, “never, sweetheart. If I could, I’d keep you with me all the time, I’d handcuff you to me,” he jokes. 

Raising your eyebrows, you look behind him, only now noticing the handcuffs on the wall. Your eyes widen and you can’t help but grow curious. 

“With those?” You ask, pointing behind him. 

He turns around to look at the wall, a smirk appearing on his face as he looks back at you, “sure but they are kind of uncomfortable.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I got arrested once.” 

You snort. He rolls his eyes playfully but he can’t help but smile. 

“By El’s dad?” 

“Yeah, Hopper.” 

Your eyes widen, “oh, I’d love to get arrested by him, he’s a hot dilf.” 

He frowns, furrowing his brows, “really?” He mumbles. 

“Yup,” you say, “wait, why did you get arrested though?” 

“I got caught stealing socks.” 

You can’t even help but giggle. Eddie raises his brows at you, lips tugging into a smile. Your giggle makes his heart flutter, he is happy to hear it, especially today. 

“Socks?” 

“Yeah, I didn’t have enough money and I really wanted some new socks,” he explains dramatically. 

You shake your head at him, “well, now you can buy endless socks, Eddie,” you say as you get off his lap. You look around the room you haven’t been in before. You eye the Corroded Coffin poster, it was their first ever design. The writing is still black and red, the way it was back then but the background is a faded black now. 

His room here is not much different from his room in LA, the only difference there is, is the mess in this one and the many posters he must have collected over the years, as a teen. A shirt is thrown over the speakers on his dresser, you pick it up, turning around to give him a pointed look, “you’re so messy,” you mumble, not paying much attention to the soft look in his eyes as he watches you. 

“Hellfire club,” you read, “oh, it’s the nerd club you told me about!” 

Eddie groans, clutching his chest dramatically, “nerd club? You wound me, darling.” 

Shaking your head, you snort at him. 

“You should wear it, since you’re a nerd too,” Eddie smiles. 

“Excuse me? Since when am I a nerd?” You scoff. 

“Since you told me that you played DnD with your cousin before,” he grins. He takes his jacket off, throwing it on his bed before he walks towards you. He leans against the dresser and crosses his arms over his chest, watching you with a smile on his face. 

You ignore him, distracted by the polaroid pictures on his dresser, your eyes light up, “oh my god, is that you as a kid?” 

He only recently found these old pictures again. He kept them in a box, far away from where he could see it but as he was cleaning his room and throwing some stuff out, he found the old shoebox again and couldn’t help himself but go through all these pictures that held so many memories, happy and sad ones. 

“Yeah,” he smiles sadly. 

“Can I?” You ask. 

He nods.

You reach for one, a smile tugs at your lips as you eye the picture. He was no older than five in this picture, his curls were wild back then already, brown eyes shining with his happiness as he looked up at the pretty woman who resembled him, his mom. 

Eddie never talked much about her, he only ever mentioned her death but not much else. You never pushed him to talk and he was very thankful for that. You understand him, you never talked much about your dad either, you both struggled to. 

“You were so cute,” you whisper as you trace the picture with your finger, “and she was so beautiful.” 

“She was,” Eddie smiles as he stares at the picture of his mother before his eyes move back to you. The sad smile and the soft look in your eyes tugs at his heart. He wishes that he could introduce you to his mom, you would have liked her. 

“She would’ve loved you,” he says with a sad look in his eyes. 

You turn to look at him, tears burn in the back of his eyes and you find something else other than sorrow and empathy in his eyes, understanding. You both lost a parent, one that you have loved with all your hearts, you were both left with the awful parent, the one that never cared for or loved you. 

Eddie understands you and you understand him. 

“My dad would’ve loved you too,” you whisper. 

He smiles at your words, he would have loved to meet him. 

You look back down, looking at the picture one more time before you place it back on the dresser, “you look just like her.” 

“Yeah,” he chuckles, “I’m glad I do, I would’ve hated myself if I looked anything like my dad.” 

“Oh, I should hate myself then cause I’ve been told that I look like my mother,” you say with a frown on your face that tells Eddie how upset you are with that woman. 

You do look like your mother, Eddie has seen the pictures of her and your dad from when they were still married. 

“No,” he mumbles, “don’t hate yourself, sweetheart. You have no reason to do so.” 

You don’t react to his words, you don’t look at him, for a moment, there is a distant expression on your face. You blink, smile turning upside down. You are deep in thought about something, something that surely has to do with your mother. 

You nod to yourself before you turn away. Exploring the rest of Eddie’s room without saying much. The mention of your parents must have brought you back to the magazine. Eddie doesn’t push you to talk, he knows when you need a moment to yourself and right now, it’s one of those moments.

He promises himself to make this day as good for you as possible. Wanting to give you better memories for this day, he knows that Christmas will always remind you of your dad, of this horrible night that happened years ago but he is determined to give you something special for this day. 

By the time you walk back into the living room, Wayne had lit up the Christmas lights that he and Eddie had hung up yesterday morning, ‘we haven’t used these lights in years, Eddie wanted to hang them up for you.’ Wayne had said when you complimented the decorations. Your heart softened, Eddie had already planned to ask you to spend Christmas with him and Wayne. 

You had to call Sam and Steve and your very hysterical best friend, Wren. It took some time calming both her and Sam down after they had read the article, both of them feared the worst. 

It warms your heart to know that there’s people who care about you but it isn't easy to convince them that you are okay when you’re actually really not okay.

You and Eddie baked the cake, well, you baked the cake, Eddie just sat back and watched you with a fond smile on his face. He even turned on some Christmas music which was surprising to both you and Wayne. 

‘Gotta bring in the real Christmas spirit.’ He joked. 

He only came to help when it was time to decorate the cake, eyes lighting up like the one’s of a happy child when you stepped aside and let him finish the cake. 

“Wanna try the frosting?” You ask as you hold the bowl with the leftover vanilla frosting. 

"Yes, please." 

Using the small spoon, you scoop some of the frosting on it before you bring it up to his lips, smiling at him as he tastes it.

“Oh shit, that’s good,” he moans. 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhmm,” he hums before he sticks his finger into the bowl, getting more of the frosting. 

“You have a spoon!” You exclaim. 

“Tastes better like this,” he chuckles, tapping your nose with the frosting on his finger. 

“Eddie,” you whine. 

His eyes flash with amusement as you roll your eyes at him, you raise your hand to wipe away the frosting but he beats you to it, licking it off his finger after wiping it off. 

“I’m just gonna put a shit ton of sprinkles on the cake,” he grins at you as he reaches for the small container of sprinkles. 

Placing the bowl on the table, you watch him. His curls frame his face perfectly, falling down to his shoulders, you notice how much it grew since the summer. Taking the scrunchie out of your hair, you step behind him and gather his hair, putting in a low bun. 

“What’re you doing?”

You can hear the smile in his voice. 

“Styling your hair,” you murmur, smiling when he sighs in content. 

Neither of you notice that Wayne has been taking pictures of you two the whole time you have been in the kitchen. The older man watching his nephew with a fond smile on his face as he looks at you with a shine in his eyes that he hasn’t seen in years. 

After what happened this morning, you didn’t expect this day to go so well. You were prepared for another bad Christmas, an even worse one this year due to the article but Eddie and Wayne were able to distract you from it all. 

You were able to forget about the article and your mom, even if just for a moment. 

You watched a Christmas movie, well, a Christmas horror movie since Eddie insisted on it. You watched both parts of silent night deadly night. Despite the wish for more space, you ended up snuggled against him, he had his arm wrapped around you and it was almost impossible not to fall asleep. 

Eddie adored every second, he got to spend with you like this. 

He was happy, for the first time in a long time, he felt at peace because you are willing to give him another chance, no longer running away from him or giving him the cold shoulder, which he admittedly deserves after the things he had done to you. 

After dinner and dessert, it was time for presents and you were staring at Eddie excitedly, already knowing what he ‘got’ for Wayne. He planned this a long time ago, what started off with a wish, finally became reality. 

A number 1 hit, touring across the country and throwing concerts almost every night, finally gave him the chance to afford something he never thought he would. 

No more food stamps, no more sleepless nights and worrying about bills they couldn’t afford to pay. Those days are over. Eddie can finally give his uncle a life he deserves. 

You lean your elbows on the table, cupping your cheeks, you raise your brows at Eddie, who gives you an exciting smile. 

“Alright, you’ll get the first present of the night, Wayne,” Eddie starts, unable to fight the smile off his face, “I wanted to take you somewhere but uh, the weather said no,” he chuckles as he gestures to the heavy snow that is falling outside. 

Wayne furrows his brows, tilting his head, “what do you mean, son?” 

“Uh,” Eddie mumbles, suddenly feeling nervous, he scratches the back of his neck, reaching for the small box, he slides it over to his uncle, “here.” 

Wayne raises his hand slowly, taking the box, he gives Eddie a look, a knowing and nervous one. 

“Open it,” Eddie says. 

The older man mutters something under his breath, giving his nephew another look before he focuses on the present, removing the wrapping paper, he furrows his brows at the small box, he opens it slowly, almost too slowly, as though he is nervous. When his eyes fall on the key, his eyes widen and he stares at it for a long moment before he raises his head to look at Eddie. 

“Ed, what..” He trails off, staring at his nephew with a shocked look in his eyes, “tell me, you didn’t.” 

“I did,” Eddie smiles proudly, “I promised you, didn’t I?” 

A long time ago, Eddie promised his uncle that he would buy him a house someday, he promised him a better life. 

Wayne huffs in disbelief, he blinks rapidly. He brings his hand up to his jaw as he looks down at the key. 

“It’s nothing big but it’s a house, not a trailer,” Eddie says, his eyes soften as he looks at his uncle, knowing that he is trying not to cry, “it’s a good area, Wayne. Cornwallis street to be exact and you’re minutes away from Lake Jordan.” 

“Eddie,” the older man sighs, “you didn’t have to.”

“Yes, I did. You gave me everything, Wayne. You didn’t have to but you did, I owe you so much.” 

Eddie couldn’t be more thankful, Wayne gave him things that his dad couldn’t give him. He raised him well, taught him things that he needed for his life, he gave him money whenever he needed it knowing that he would struggle at the end of the month but he didn’t care, he needed to know that his nephew was taken care of, that he had enough clothes, a full stomach, even if that meant that he went to sleep hungry. 

You look between them, your heart swells in your chest when you stare at Eddie. You grew up with money, you never had days when you had to worry about being kicked out of the house because your parents couldn’t afford the rent, you never went to sleep hungry, you had endless of toys and clothes. You never had to worry about the things that Eddie and Wayne had to worry about. You can only imagine how exciting and relieving it must be for Eddie to be able to give this to his uncle. 

“You don’t owe me anything, son.” 

Eddie shakes his head at his words, smiling at Wayne. 

“You literally still sleep on the fold out bed instead of taking the damn room for yourself.” 

“It’s your room, Eddie.” 

“Yeah well, you will finally have your own room, old man,” Eddie grins, patting his uncle on the shoulder, “it’s all I ever wanted, get you an actual house, you deserve better than this,” he says, gesturing to the trailer. 

“S’not that bad, Ed,” he frowns, “it’s home.” 

He is right, this is a home, not just a house or a place, this is home. Even to you it feels like that. 

“Well, you’ll get a new home, a better one.” 

Wayne shakes his head, still in shock about the present his nephew got him. 

“C’mere.” He gets up as Eddie does too, embracing each other in a hug, you look at them fondly. 

“Thank you,” Wayne says as he pats his nephew’s back, “you’re a good kid, Ed. You’re too good.” 

“You’re a good uncle, the best,” Eddie grins as he pulls back from the hug, “I can’t wait to show you the house.” 

After the initial shock, you gave Wayne your present. He looked just as surprised as he did before, not expecting you to give him anything. 

“It’s not much but it’s a little something,” you chuckle as you watch him open the envelope. 

“A little something?” He scoffs as he takes out the tickets. 

“Eddie told me that you had never been to Los Angeles so uh, I thought that you could come visit him when we’re back home. You can pick the date yourself,” you say, pointing to the tickets, “and, a little birdie told me that you’re not working on New Years Eve so I booked you a hotel room so you can come see us play in Chicago.”

You don’t see the look of surprise and love in Eddie’s eyes. To see you get along with his uncle makes him feel so grateful and happy. You and Wayne mean everything to him, to know that you like him so much means a lot to him. 

Wayne shakes his head with a smile on his face, “you’re spoiling me,” he says to the both of you, “you really didn’t have to, darling but thank you so much.” 

He gives you a warm hug and thanks you with a grateful smile on his face. 

“I got you something too, it doesn’t beat your presents but it’s a little something.”

Your eyes widen and you stare at the man in surprise as you sit back down, “oh no, you didn’t have to, getting to spend Christmas with you two is the best present.” 

Eddie’s eyes soften and Wayne chuckles, shaking his head, he smiles at you as he hands you a present wrapped in red and white paper. Both men see the excited look in your eyes, it makes them both smile harder. 

You unwrap your present, a giggle falling from your lips when you see the mug. It’s a light pink one with strawberries all over it, “that’s so cute!” You exclaim as you stare at it as though it’s the best present you had ever gotten, it makes both of them chuckle. 

“I love that so much, thank you!” 

“You’re welcome, kid,” he smiles, “but there’s something else.” 

Furrowing your brows, you look down, noticing another small present inside the mug. You can feel that it’s a necklace but as you unwrap it and your eyes fall on the black and purple guitar pick, you look up at the man, “that wasn’t meant for Eddie, was it?” You chuckle. 

He grins at you, shaking his head, “that goes with a present, he got for you.” 

Your lip twitches and you turn to look at Eddie with a curious smile. 

He looks excited and giddy. Jumping up from the chair, he walks away, rushing into his bedroom. You hear him shuffling around in his room, a few curse words echoing through the room when something tumbles to the ground , making both you and Wayne chuckle. 

He comes back, a large smile on his face as he holds something behind his back. 

“Alright rockstar, this is for you,” he grins, handing you the very badly wrapped present, it almost makes you laugh. You don’t have to guess what it is, it is obvious. 

“I-Is that a–”

“Unwrap it, sweetheart.” 

He hands you the present, his fingers brush against yours, your eyes lock for a moment. 

Eddie watches in anticipation, he sits back down, bouncing his knee as he stares at you with wide and exciting eyes. Your eyes grow bigger when you finally lay your eyes on the guitar you have practically fallen in love with when you had laid eyes on it all these months ago. 

“Eddie,” you gasp, unable to tear your eyes away from the beautiful electric guitar, you admire it, tracing the smooth wood with your fingertips. It’s black, adorned with dark purple color on the sides, “she’s pretty.” 

“How? It’s the one I saw in New York,” you mumble as you look up at Eddie. 

He shrugs, smiling at you, “I saw you staring at it every time we walked past that store,” he explains, “I got it when you went out to eat with Jeff and Gareth.” 

Your gaze softens, a warm feeling settles in your chest and your stomach. Your heart flutters. He got it for you all these months back? 

“How did I not see it, I’ve never seen you carry two guitar cases?” 

“I shipped it to Hawkins, I knew you’d spend Christmas with us,” he shrugs.

“Eddie,” you whisper, “I-I love it, thank you.” 

You place the guitar down, getting up, you step towards him, he opens his arms for you right away, pulling you into a hug. 

He closes his eyes, burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I got more for you but you’ll get it later,” he whispers. 

“Thank you so much,” you whisper. Your voice is thick with emotions, Eddie knows that you are on the verge of tears. You kiss his cheek, thanking him once again before you take the attention away from you, practically shoving your present for him in his arms so you don’t start crying for all the love you are getting tonight. 

You got him a new shoulder strap for his guitar, adorned with bats that match his tattoos. New rings and a matching necklace that he excitedly puts on, right away. Hanging the strap over his shoulder, “I'm so excited to go back on tour,” he grins as he looks down at the guitar strap. 

“Thank you so much, sweetheart.” 

He plants a big kiss on your cheek, unaware of the big smile on his uncle’s face as he looks between the two of you. 

Wayne gifted Eddie a bunch of movies, a new bandana that Eddie had put around his wrist right away and a book he had wished for. 

You couldn’t be more thankful for both men, your day wouldn’t have turned out as well as it did if it wasn’t for them. 

-

You retreat to Eddie’s room after a few more drinks and a hot shower. Wearing one of his shirts and his boxers, you sit on the bed, flipping through the pages of the magazine you promised to throw away, you couldn’t help it. 

You stare at the pictures of your dad, the smile on his face that you haven’t seen in so long makes your heart hurt, you miss him so much. All that is left of him is his music, his pictures, his guitar that you kept and a letter you have yet to open. 

You take it with you, everywhere you go, you take the letter with you, hoping that you will finally find the courage to open it, to read it and get answers to why he did it but you are too afraid of the truth. 

The letter is tucked away in your suitcase at the lone motel. 

Your eyes fall on the pictures of your mother, your painfully beautiful mother. If only her personality was just as beautiful. She has always been awful to you, cold and distant to you and your dad. 

But you didn’t expect her to be this cold. 

“Are you ready to sleep in the comfiest bed– hey, you shouldn’t read that again.” 

You look up, your vision is blurred, you didn’t even notice the tears that have welled up in your eyes. 

Eddie’s eyes soften and he sighs, whispering your name. 

“I– yeah, you’re right,” you mumble, closing the magazine, you throw it to the ground and wipe away the tears, “I just wanted to see my dad.”

It hurts him to know how much you are suffering. 

“But I’m okay,” you say as you pull the blanket higher, leaning back against the comfy pillows, you give him a small smile. 

Eddie doesn’t say anything, opting to give you a smile that doesn’t even reach your eyes. He joins you on his bed, the smell of his aftershave and shampoo hitting your senses. He gets under the blanket, scooting a little closer to you but making sure to give you space. The shirt you are wearing is one of his favorites, you smell like him, having used his body wash and shampoo, it makes his heart flutter. 

You are here, in his room, in his bed, with him. 

“You look cute.” 

“Thanks,” you chuckle. 

He winks at you, turning his back to you, he reaches for something under his bed. 

You notice that something has changed about him and it isn’t just the hair that got longer, his shoulders got broader, arms more muscular than before. 

“Do you work out?” You blurt out. 

“Huh?” 

He looks at you in amusement, holding a box in his hands. 

“Y-You have muscles.” 

Eddie chuckles, “are you checking me out?” 

Your eye roll makes him laugh even more. 

The truth is, yes, he started working out. He found that it is a good outlet for his anger. A year ago, he would have drowned his emotions in alcohol and weed but he doesn’t want to do that anymore, he wants to be better than that, he wants to be better than his father. 

“Here, this is for you.” 

A box filled with things that you have wanted but never gotten was the last thing that you expected. Just like with the guitar, there’s things that you have never even spoken about. Eddie was there when you stared at that one necklace, he was there when you walked past that one store that sold polaroid cameras, he paid attention to the things you eyed for a little too long, he saw the glint in your eyes and without having to ask, he knew that you wanted them. 

He collected them over the months, preparing for Christmas. It filled him with excitement, every time you were busy, he went back to the stores you have passed to buy the things you wanted. 

He smiles as he watches you, his heart flutters in his chest when you put the necklace around your neck with an excited smile on your lips. 

You don’t know what to say, uttering a small ‘thank you’. A smile is all that he needs but you scoot closer to him, kissing his cheek before you lay your head on his shoulder. 

“Thank you for everything, I-I think this might have been my favorite Christmas.” 

His eyes flash with surprise and his heart tugs in his chest. He puts his arm around you, looking down at you with a fond smile on his face, “really?” 

“Yeah.” 

You drown out the horrible things that happened this morning, the horrible things that are yet to come thanks to whoever sold the story about your dad. You focus on Eddie, on the things he did for you, on the things he said to you, last night. 

‘We can start over, okay?’

You want it so bad. You want to start over. Go back to the beginning. 

“Can we start over?” 

“What?” 

You look up at him with big eyes, hope for the future deep in your eyes. 

“You said we can start over, so.. can we?” 

“Sweetheart,” he whispers, smiling at your words. It looks as though a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, eyes shining with happiness, “of course we can.” 

“Good.”

“Very good.” 

His deep voice and the seriousness in his eyes makes you chuckle. 

“Back to the beginning?” 

“Yes, back to the beginning.” 

“You wanna leave everything behind?” He asks. 

You know what he means by that. 

“Yes but we gotta be honest to each other from now on, you have to be honest with me and I have to be honest with you too.”

He nods, agreeing with your words but a curious look flickers in his eyes. 

“You’re always honest.” 

You shift uncomfortably, looking down, you place the lit back on the box and place it on the nightstand. 

“Not always. There’s something I didn’t tell you.” 

Right. 

Eddie knows what you are talking about. A knowing look flashes in his eyes, one that you fail to notice. 

“I want us to be honest with each other, no more secrets,” you say. 

“Yeah,” he whispers. 

You finally notice the look in his eyes, it reminds you of the one you had seen when he stormed into the trailer earlier. 

“What’s wrong?” 

He takes a deep breath, reaching for your hand, he looks into your eyes. 

“Sam asked me something.”

By the look on your face and the quiet ‘oh’ that falls from your lips, he already knows that you know what it is about, he waits for a moment, making sure that you aren’t uncomfortable. 

“He uh– he asked if you are using drugs again.” 

Your lips part and a nervous expression crosses your face, you blink, shame filling your eyes. 

“Eddie.” 

Tears brim your eyes. 

“Did you?”

You can’t read his eyes, not right now. You can’t tell if he is angry or if he’s worried or disgusted by you because you were so quick to get mad at him for believing Chrissy when you have done these things yourself. 

You nod and close your eyes. 

To say that he is shocked is an understatement, on top of that he is worried. You have been around drugs for months, hell, you are around them right now. Eddie still has his secret stash in his room. 

His heart is pounding in his chest, he is scared. 

“You don’t have to talk about it–”

“No, it’s okay, Eddie.”

“Are you sure?” He asks. 

You nod, “yeah,” you whisper. 

“When?” 

“2 years ago,” you admit, “i-it was only a few times, I didn’t have an addiction or anything, j-just.. did it a few times and then Sam caught me.” 

“Jesus,” he sighs, “what did you take?” 

“Just cocaine, some pills, I don’t know what they were.” 

“Just cocaine,” he scoffs as anger flashes in his eyes, “that could have ruined you, y/n.”

“I know, that’s why I stopped,” you whisper, not feeling affected by his anger, you know he is just worried. 

“Why did you take it in the first place?” 

“I-I needed to feel something.”

You felt numb and needed something that would lift you up. You weren’t one to drown yourself in alcohol, parties and one night stands every weekend. You drowned yourself in work, you spent your free time writing songs and helping Sam out, that’s how you met the one who got you into drugs in the first place but Sam didn’t need to know that. 

You can imagine what goes on inside his mind as you look into his eyes, ‘how could you be so careless?’, ‘how could you do the one thing that killed your dad?’ 

Truth be told, you wanted to know what it felt like, what it made him feel like. 

While your dad tried to numb the pain, you tried to make the numbness fade away but it only helped for a little while. Back then it wasn’t difficult to stop, you didn’t get attached, it was easy to stop. 

“I only did it a few times and then I stopped, I never had a problem, Eddie.” 

He believes you, the truth is in your eyes but it doesn’t stop him from worrying. You were so desperate to feel something, you were willing to risk your life. The thought makes him feel sick, ‘what if you thought about it when he hurt you?’, ‘what if you got close to taking them again after what happened between you two?’, ‘what if you took some last night?’ 

“Eddie, I haven’t touched them ever since, haven’t even thought about it. Not on tour, not at any parties, never.” 

“I believe you,” he whispers, feeling guilty for making you feel like you have to explain yourself to him when you are clearly suffering. 

You swallow nervously, it’s something you have never talked about to anyone. Not even your friends, they knew certain things but not everything. 

“But how did you get into them, the drugs?” 

He looks for the hesitation in your eyes but there isn’t any, there is only a nervous look on your face. You are scared of what he will think. 

You take a deep breath, leaning back again, you reach for the small pillow and bring it up to your chest. 

“When I was working with Sam, I met this guy. He uh, he was– is a singer, had his own band too. He was nice, he was good to me and he was older than me. I liked that, it made me feel safe. I worked on some song texts with him and we started spending a lot of time together. He took me to places, I went to his concerts and the stupid after parties, we would get high together or drunk but when it was just the two of us, we did other things.”

Eddie frowns at your words, he can’t even contain the jealousy that is clear on his face. 

“I took drugs, not all the time but I did, I’m not proud of it. I wanted to know what it felt like. My friends were pissed at me and so was Sam when he found out.” 

“How did your friends find out?” 

You grow flustered at his question, avoiding his eyes, you look down at your hands as you think back that night. 

“Do you remember Frankie?” You ask. 

He furrows his brows, “uh yeah, the crazy redhead?” He asks, making you chuckle. 

“Yeah, her,” you smile, “I dragged her and the others to a party at his house. We uh, he took me to his room,” you pause, not knowing how much you should actually tell him, the look in his eyes is unreadable, “I didn’t want to take drugs at a party my friends were at but he had a way of convincing me to do stuff I didn’t want to do and when I was snorting that crap, Frankie walked in and caught me.” 

His eyes flash with anger at your words, to know that someone else could have such an effect on you worries him. 

“She got hysterical, basically dragged me out of the room and cursed him out when he laughed at her. She told the others and they were pissed.” 

“How’d you stop?” 

You shrug, “I knew that I would end up like my dad a-and I didn’t want that. I also didn’t want to lose my friends. It wasn’t an issue for me to stop, really. I only did it out of curiosity and because he convinced me.” 

“I’m glad you stopped and I’m proud of you.” He says, squeezing your hand.

He feels relieved to know that you weren’t addicted and hung up on the drugs but it still worries him, you have been through so much, he knows how easy it is to fall back into old habits. 

He can’t help but grow hatred for the man he doesn’t even know. A part of him feels curious though. 

“Thank you,” you smile. 

“I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend before..” 

“I didn’t, he wasn’t my boyfriend.” 

“What was he then?” 

You shrug, blinking.

“Well, I– we never made anything official, he treated me like I was his but I-I didn’t want that. I broke the whole thing off after a while. I knew that we’d never work out as a couple, he would drag me back into all that shit and I didn’t want to get attached to someone like that or even fall in love.”

“Oh.” 

You can tell that there’s a million other questions running through his mind but there is mostly relief in his eyes. 

You are both quiet for a moment until you decide that it’s time to move on to another question. 

“Why did you never tell me about Chrissy?” You ask, “I know we’ve talked about this before but I wanna have an actual answer.” 

Eddie raises his brows, taking a deep breath, he looks into your eyes. 

“Like even when we were just friends, why didn’t you tell me about her?” You add. 

“To be honest, I didn’t think it was worth bringing her up, I– yes, she was my girlfriend but I didn’t think that I was her boyfriend anymore, the relationship was over.”

“But that’s so dumb, Eddie. You were still with her,” you mumble. 

“I know,” he sighs, “but things with her were weird. She made me promise that things between us wouldn’t change but when I left Hawkins and came to California, she basically broke off contact, she never called and deep down I knew that she was with Jason. It hurt, I didn’t get why she was with me when she wanted someone else. She hurt me so many times before, she lied to me, she cheated on me. I was a mess back then but I got used to it, to the lies and the things she did,” he pauses, scoffing at his old self, “I should have left her but every time I tried to leave, she would get inside my head, tell me that no one else would want me and it fucking scared me, y/n. I didn’t want to be alone but I didn’t want to be with her any longer either, I-I was conflicted.” 

“But you left Hawkins, by yourself. You were alone.” You say, shaking your head as you stare at him in confusion. 

“Yeah,” he chuckles, “she brought up kids and marriage and that thought made me sick, I didn’t want that. I panicked and I just wanted to run away. I should’ve broken up with her first but I was still too attached to her and I knew I needed to break that emotional connection before leaving her because I knew that she would always reel me back in otherwise. I spent months hating myself for not being able to do what I should’ve done a long time ago, I didn’t think much of her, she was on my mind less and less and then you came along and everything changed. You made me feel good, you made me feel happy in a way she never did, you healed me. You showed me what it’s like to be cared for, what it’s like to be genuinely liked. You didn’t want me for something, you just wanted me.”

Your eyes are wide, soft and filled with empathy. 

You had every reason to be angry at him, to have all these trust issues, anyone would think the thoughts that you had when you just found out about her. 

But you understand him now, you believe him. 

“I never realized what genuine reciprocated affection was like until it was too late.” 

His brown eyes are filled with sadness as he thinks back to the night in Cincinnati. 

“You made me so fucking happy, sweetheart and I– I ruined it.” 

You shake your head, scooting closer, you take both of his hands in yours. 

“We’ll start over, right?” 

His glassy eyes flash with hope and he nods, whispering a small ‘yes’.

“I’m sorry about what happened with her, that she hurt you like that. She didn’t deserve you,” you frown as you think of the pain he had gone through in that relationship.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, “I uh, I realized that I never loved her like I thought I had.” Not like I love you. 

“Really?” 

He nods. 

“Do you remember the night at the beach?” 

“Of course I remember the night at the beach, Eddie.” 

“You described love to me, how it’s supposed to feel with the right person, how it’s supposed to feel with your soulmate,” he whispers, hands running down your arms, he slowly takes your hands in his, “that’s how it feels with you, I would do anything for you and with you, you are my person. I never felt that way about her or with her.” 

You feel the same way about him and he knows it. 

“And how long have you really felt this way about me?” you ask, a softened gaze in your eyes. 

“From the start,” he whispers, squeezing your hand, “it confused me at first, I have never felt this way about anyone else before, I didn’t know what it was at first. And then we talked about love and relationships and that night I realized that I never loved her, I admired her but I never loved her.” 

“You are my person too, Eddie. You called me your best friend last night,” you smile, “I feel the same way.” 

“Yeah? I’m your best friend, sweetheart?” 

You nod. 

“What about the mean girl group from LA?” 

You gasp, “mean girl group? My friends are not mean,” you chuckle. 

“They all glared at me.” 

“They’re protective,” you shrug. 

“Well after the last guy you’ve been with, I get it.” 

You snort at his words, “he’s kinda famous you know?” 

“I’m famous.” 

“Yes you are,” you nod. 

“Alright, what did you think of me when you first saw me?” He asks, curiously. 

“Oh my god,” you chuckle as you think back to the night at the bar your friends had dragged you to. Corroded Coffin had a gig and it was the first time you had ever seen them play. Eddie was the one that caught your eye, of course. He wore a tank top, a black bandana around his head, black leather pants, his cheeks were flushed and god, he looked good. 

“I was impressed by your guitar skills and your voice,” you admit, “I loved your style and you just looked so good.” 

He smirks in satisfaction. 

“Thanks sweetheart.” 

“You’re welcome,” you snort. 

Looking around the room, you think of a question. You look down at yourself and at his bed, an amused expression appearing on your face when you turn back to him. 

“When’s the last time you pissed the bed? Steve warned me about your mattress.” 

“What!” He yells in a whisper, a mortified look crossing his face as his cheeks flush red, “no way! I have not– okay 16 when I got wasted but that’s besides the point.” 

You burst into laughter, closing your eyes, you throw your head back, “oh my god.” 

“That’s not funny– okay, you know what, it is funny,” he laughs, “but look at you!” He exclaims, turning away from you, he opens his nightstand, pulling out a magazine that wrote about Corroded Coffin, featuring the backstories of each band member. 

He shows you the pictures he ripped out of the magazine, which he totally plans on keeping. 

“Look at that little ray of sunshine,” he grins, holding out the pictures of you as a kid, “look at how cute you were with your pigtails and your pink dresses, you used to be so sweet, what happened to that little girly girl?” He teases you with a smug look on his face. 

You groan in annoyance, “the girly girl grew out of the dresses her mom picked out for her.”

You grow flustered, trying to snatch the picture out of his hand but he pulls it back, “uh uh, I’m keeping this, look at this cute little baby.” 

“Eddie!” 

He chuckles at you, brown eyes shining with amusement, “you were so adorable, I know that kindergarten me would have asked you to marry me if we knew each other back then.” 

“Oh my god,” you groan, “suddenly, I’m tired. Good night.” 

“Ouch, did my kindergarten self just get rejected?” He asks dramatically. 

“Shut up,” you snort. 

You can hear him shuffling around, putting the pictures back in the drawer. You would be lying to yourself if you said that it didn’t make your heart flutter, it’s cute that he kept the pictures of you. 

He turns off the light and gets comfortable behind you. You don’t bother closing your eyes or actually trying to fall asleep, knowing that he will speak up again. 

But he stays quiet for a while, a deep sigh interrupts the silence though. 

“Eddie?” You whisper.

“Yes?” 

“What do you wanna know?” 

“How do you know that I wanna know something?” 

You snort. 

“I can feel it.” 

“How?” 

“It’s a girl’s thing.” 

“Ah,” he says quietly. 

Another minute or so passes before he lets out another sigh. 

“Do you still want Henry to give you nipple piercings?” 

You almost burst into giggles, out of all the questions he could have asked, this is the one that has been on his mind all along? 

“Yeah,” you shrug, already imagining the frown appearing on his face. And just as you had suspected, he scoffs at your words and turns away. 

“Did you just turn your back on me?” 

“Yup.” 

You turn towards him and scoot closer, staring at him in the darkness. You wrap your arm around his waist and hug him from behind. 

Eddie’s heart skips a beat, excitement rushes through him and he melts into you. 

“What happened to space?” He mumbles into the blanket. 

You ignore his question. 

“What’s wrong grumpy?” 

“Grumpy?” 

“Yeah, you’re a grumpy old man,” you whisper. 

He gasps, turning around to face you, “old? I’m two years older than you.” 

“Exactly, you’re like a dinosaur.” 

He scoffs at your words, rolling his eyes playfully. 

“Are you saying you are into grumpy old men?” 

“Yeah, I was always into older grumpy washed up rockstars who are into younger women.” 

Eddie can tell that you are trying to act playful and fine the way you always do, even today but the sadness still lingers in the back of your voice. 

“Well, then you are my hot trophy wife,” he blurts out. 

Your eyes widen and his do too when he realizes what he just said. 

Wife?! 

“If anything you’d be my trophy husband–”

“Well yeah, you’re gonna be my wife someday–”

You both speak at the same time. 

“What?!” 

The looks on both of your face’s are comical, both flustered and in shock. 

“Well..” You start, “I always wanted a house husband,” you joke.

He scoots closer to you, close enough so the tip of his nose brushes against yours. 

“Oh, I’m gonna be a dad too?” He smiles.

“Probably when we’re both drunk, I tend to make questionable decisions when I am.” 

He chuckles at your words, “alright well, let's do it. We can have that american dream and all that shit,  we’ll have that fucking white picket fence– I’m totally drawing some sick bats on it though.” 

You giggle, eyes growing heavy as you get sleepy. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he smiles, “we’ll call our kid Arwen, she’s gonna be a little badass like her mom.” 

Your smile falls a little, a bittersweet feeling settles deep within your heart as you feel yourself longing for something you might not ever get. A future with him, this future with him. He doesn’t actually want that, he told you so. 

But you do. 

The stupid white picket fence. You never wanted it, you wanted this life, the band, the tours, the concerts and yet here you are falling in love with the thought of a family with him. 

“Sweetheart?” 

“Yes?” 

“Is it okay if I touch you? I wanna hold you.” 

Tears well up in your eyes, your heart melts in your chest. 

You wrap your arms around him and lay your head on his chest. He smiles at your action, placing his hands on the small of your back, he pulls you on top of him, kissing the top of your head, “thank you,” he whispers. 

You close your eyes, begging for sleep to take over so you can stop thinking of something that will never happen.

Eddie has a dreamy smile on his face as he thinks of it though. Something he never wanted with her, he wants with you. He wants to build a life with you. He wants marriage and kids, a family. 

He looks down at you with adoration in his eyes. 

He swears to himself that he will do anything to make you happy, to keep you safe and protect you. 

He will give you the world if you ask him to. 

-

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[toothlespoggers]

I got silly and infodumped again…

The fact that crystalised despite being the worst ninjago season by far- showed that for a long time now, possibly since season 11 has had his emotions turned off. Is crazy to me. Because I know Cole had a pretty okay moment with Zane about it and he ended up turning it back on in the same season or maybe even same episode I can’t fully recall. But I don’t know how mentally fucked these characters are or what- but I feel like no one stopped to think about that for enough time. Like Cole, he’s a very caring, affectionate, empathetic guy. Yet even he didn’t really seem to register the implications this had for Zane’s mental health. Zane is filled with so much emotional turmoil that he physically couldn’t bear to feel anymore. And this group of traumatised young adults were like- “oh haha Zane, that’s so quirky, that’s so silly of you, haha relatable anyway-“ Like duuuude I don’t know if this is the writers wanting to avoid actually discussing mental health in a “children’s” show or if these characters have had such little emotional awareness and support through their lives, almost dying everyday since they were teenagers that they are so desensitised to the horrors tm that they literally cannot tell when someone is basically holding a sign over their head saying “I NEED SERIOUS HELP.”

That kinda says a lot about Sensei wu, doesn’t it? I mean he’s great we Stan- but he did kinda adopt a bunch of struggling teenagers and burden them with saving the world and then allowed them to put themselves in harms way for years, without ever sitting them down and asking them if they were okay, emotionally? Like I don’t know if this happened and I didn’t see it or if it was implied to happen off screen but I really doubt wu was any sort of a support system for these guys that treated him like a father figure.  

Maybe it’s because this cycle of pain goes back to wu as well, because he’s not the most stable person in the world either, but idk it feels crazy to me that these people that were basically family. Just- never checked in on eachothers well being or looked out for each others mental issues.

I mean they never really got a break and when they did- hell the only reason season 11 happened was because wu, so obsessed with the ninja being in tip top condition urged them to do something, which led these idiots to unleashing Aspheera and then ended up with probably the worst fate you could wish upon a Lego, for Zane. Seriously the fact they turned the ice emperor thing into a joke is so tone deaf to me like if this happened to your friend. In real life, (just suspend disbelief for a second) you would be absolutely GUTTED. You’d probably feel SO BAD. And that person? Probably can’t function like a normal individual anymore. Probably needs serious therapy.  Not a joke.

I don’t hate wu, I never did. But I just think he’s been very irresponsible with the way he’s handled his students and while he’s wise in some aspects 70% of problems in the show could’ve been avoided if this old man valued communication.

And if this isn’t based on the characters flaws. And it’s Lego refusing to discuss mental illness and mental health. COME ON LEGO IT WOULD EDUCATE YOUR YOUNG AUDIENCE ON PTSD, ANXIETY AND HOW TO HEALTHILY DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS. Because right now, if you wanna deal with issues the ninja way, YOU BURY THEM AND TAKE THEM TO THE GRAVE AND YOU NEVER COMPLAIN OR REST.

All I want is at least one episode where it’s not all about the current bad guy or plot and it’s just about the ninja actually confiding in one another and trying to help their friends out. Maybe Zane or Lloyd finally snap and have a full mental breakdown and the only way to deal with it is for them to actually talk about it and work it out. I’m sure you can make a compelling episode with that in mind. They’ve tried to address mental health in the show with Lloyds anxiety arc thing in DR they need to do better.

We need a scene in DR where Zane and Frohicky are at the monastery while the other ninja are doing stuff, (maybe I’ll work out the details more and write something on this) and something happens where all the pain and trauma and just, awfulness just builds up in Zane’s mind and he just. Has a moment where he cracks. And he stops working on whatever he’s working on. And Frohicky notices the shift in the air and suddenly his entire demeanour changes and he comes over concerned and Zane is standing there or kneeling and Frohicky puts his hand on his shoulder and asks. “Are you okay?” And Zane just doesn’t know how to respond. He tries to shake everything off but he can’t, he’s never been asked that before. And Frohicky starts babbling on trying to help him and offers to get him set up so he can rest, and Zane doesn’t have the strength to object or the will to say anything and he’s just like.

“I.. don’t know.” In a final response to the previous question. 

And it’s just a scene where Zane accepts Frohickys gesture of kindness. And while not everything is fixed obviously. You can slowly see the tension leaving him.

Because it matters if someone asks you if you’re okay. It reaches into the darkest place and offers a hand saying “I’ll listen.” And that could genuinely change someone’s life.

[autistic-robin]

more dynamics i need to see in st5 for my mental wellbeing

1. el and dustin. that’s it send post. they were genuinely so sweet in season 1 and i miss their mad scientist/test subject vibe immensely. i know el and lucas are going to be paired up this season because of their shared connection (polyamory) to max, but i would love to see more scenes between dustin and el— maybe some lighthearted bonding over their matching leg injuries or daddy issues.

2. mike and robin. i don’t think you understand i need this like i need air. will has already had his gay awakening he doesn’t need a queer life coach!! mike on the other hand is out here in the TRENCHES. this man is down critically horrendously morifyingly BAD for will but is convinced el needs him and that will could never reciprocate his feelings. he needs robin’s gay intuition and advice if anyone does.

3. steve and jonathan. HELLO??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO???? i know this is pretty much guaranteed to happen in st5 because full-circle character development and hammering in themes and blah blah blah but i’m still gonna talk about it because listen. steve got his shit rocked by jonathan one (1) time and immediately decided “fuck my idiot friends” developed a moral conscience and SHOWED UP AT HIS HOUSE to apologize. he wasn’t there for nancy he had no idea nancy was there!!! he bought jonathan a new camera!!! he was so respectful of nancy and jon even when nancy dumped his ass a season later!!! yet we never get closure between him and jonathan or even a conversation and i’m PISSED about it. matt and ross duffer rectify this or else.

4. hopper and jonathan and will. you see the vision. these kids have never had a stable father figure who truly understands them (i love bob but he was only there for st2 and was sweet but naive) and everything they’ve been through. jonathan DESPERATELY needs to be de-parentified and released from the emotional burden of constantly putting will and joyce before his own needs and dreams, and hopper desperately needs to feel like he can protect his family instead of “cursing” them. will needs a loving father figure who supports his queer identity, and hopper only had a fire lit under him in s1 when joyce mentioned it could have been a hate crime. this is like textbook recipe for healing and closure for these characters.

5. joyce and karen? i just think it would be neat. we know karen’s getting more involved this season and i think she should get to be a little gay for joyce as a treat. we had crumbs of their dynamic in s1 and on a more sincere note i honestly think joyce could help give karen the courage to leave ted or demand better from him moving forward.

6. nancy and mike. if they don’t have a genuine conversation i’ll actually be fuming raging pulling my hair out. i get it i get that they’re both emotionally repressed but GOD i wish we had more moments with them talking about their trauma or empathizing with each other’s survivor’s guilt and crippling savior complexes. all the “max and mike are the same character in a different font” business is very valid and i agree madwheeler is like ten shots of espresso injected directly into the bloodstream HOWEVER, nancy and mike’s traumas and emotional issues are so so similar please let them talk about it!!!!

7. steve and robin???? please for the love of god????? literally what the fuck was happening in s4 they were NOT given enough screentime together. not cool. i want them BACK on their queerplatonic bullshit in s5, fully codependent disgustingly clingy like god intended.

8. jonathan and el. i just want them to be siblings together!!! we got a lot of willel sibling vibes in s4 and some sweet jon-and-will moments, but i would love for them to delve into jonathan and el’s dynamic. this girl is a big reason why will was saved in s1 and we just… never really see the byerses address that? jonathan has a lottt of self-blaming tendencies when it comes to will and i’d love for el to help remind him he isn’t responsible for protecting and saving his brother all the time. conversely, i’d love for jonathan to remind el that she’s just a kid and that the weight of the world shouldn’t be on her shoulders. they’re both really soft-spoken and sweet characters with hard veneers and i feel like they’d pair well together for more emotional scenes.

9. literally the entire byers-hopper family they are the heart and soul of the show and i will never forgive the duffer brothers for losing that in s3-4 in favor of expanding the scope of the story. i miss them.

10. steve and el. i would maim and kill for this dynamic actually. both of them are involved in love triangles and have arcs centered around independency and platonic/found familial love, and steve has his whole mom-of-the-group shtick that could be really endearing paired with el’s plucky weird-little-girl vibe. idk i just think they would be a cute team, maybe paired with dustin or lucas.

11. stoncy and robin. literally give me this team or give me death. i miss stoncy’s iconic end-of-season-1 monster-hunting trio dynamic SO MUCH i would give anything for them to go on a sidequest and really just hash it all out with each other. and robin could offer steve moral support and comic relief— while we’re on the subject i would also kill to see her and jonathan interact!! like they are so similar in that brooding-noncomformist way and i feel like they would either immediately gravitate toward each other based on values OR immediately clash due to their personality differences. jonathan is all quiet and avoidant and robin can be… A Lot (said with love) when she’s not masking like s3. i just think they’d be funny together.

12. this is devolving quickly so scott clarke and the party. no i will not elaborate. thank you for your time

[alyjojo]

PAC - A Dream is a Wish ✨

Pile 1: Orange 🧡

MERCURY - ARIES - 11TH HOUSE

- Communicate your willpower for humanity’s sake.

- Analyze what you think you know about your hopes and wishes.

- Let your mind tell you how to do it your own way, and do it for the future.

You’re dealing with someone at work that you think is a moron, or a snake, and feel that you could probably do a much better job. You have suggestions and ways that your career could improve, if only someone would listen to you. Or rather, if you had the courage to speak up - that’s the strongest story I’m getting. Shyness 🙈 combined with a lack of power, because what you really want is power. Aries energy 💪 You want to be King of Pentacles, The Emperor, the one running this shit - no one else can do it as good as you can. Ideally.

Withdrawn, The Moon & Fear show major insecurities keeping you from speaking your mind and leading like you want to. You’re afraid of confrontation, or making people upset with you. You could lack confidence or feel like others don’t believe in you…it’s more that you’re solitary and don’t include yourself. Strength at the bottom shows this as a difficult personal challenge for you, you could have a squared/conflicted Mercury that makes it difficult for you to just say the thing you want to say. I’m seeing fire that craves earth💰- money, responsibility, earned success; and I’m seeing earth that craves fire 🔥- confidence, self-appointed leadership, influence, recognition. Or both, you could have those in your chart.

Regardless of who is in charge, currently you’re off to the side and want to do things YOUR way. Your way is better than the group, and you desire to pioneer major change in the group collective of whatever it is you’re doing. Work, a friend group, politics, the whole world, social media or online groups - 11th House. But you want recognition and success, not opposition, and there could be a Snake 🐍 around you that inspires this in the first place…so you worry about them. How can you do what you want peacefully? And get support?

You want to be the boss, but not an asshole. Everything you’re feeling inside shows the level of strength and character you possess, and you seem to be coming from the right place - in that you’re thinking of the whole group when you’re thinking of these “improvements,” but Spirit is showing you as not knowing the whole story - and going off of that, not truth. Like you’re a worker in the break room gossiping with the others, none of which are actually making decisions - and don’t know budgets, approval, who said what in meetings and what’s been decided, etc. That’s the issue, you want a seat at that table, the bigger one that has the power to make real decisions.

You are an intellectual/practical rebel, with good reason, and inside you have more than enough confidence to pull off anything you want…it’s just gathering the confidence to do it out loud. If you want the reading to tell you whether you’ll fail or not, I don’t see failure, just fear. Strength shows it won’t be easy; Temperance shows you’ll have to be patient and it will take time - but that’s not failure 🧡 In the Spirit of Aries energy…just do it ☑️ Speak up 📢

————

Pile 2: Purple 💜

MARS - CANCER - 5TH HOUSE

- The drive for intuition to protect the power of love.

- The confronting of attitudes from the past about investment gambles and other games.

- Action resulting from the history of your creations.

More than anything, this pile wants children, and the kind of nurturing, emotionally stable and mature soulmate that’s ready & willing to be that partner for them. Some of you already have kids and are starting over completely, some don’t and feel like the clock is ticking. All of you probably have a sad story: divorce, a bad break-up, breadcrumbing that went nowhere, or just not meeting someone on your level yet.

On the other side of the coin, this is the pile for the players that like messing around with several different people - but you say you want a soulmate, tsk tsk. Either the soulmate is the one procrastinating - and it’s driving you crazy, or you’re the reason one hasn’t come in. Like Spirit is gonna hand you the right one with all the games and bs, no. Once that is done, then. Or you’ve already met them and have procrastinated going deeper…it’s time. Cut off the extra baggage - if that’s you you’ll know it. If it’s not, you could be dating someone like this, or have, and you’re tired of non-committal people that don’t take love seriously. You want the whole thing, where is your person?

The reading is showing the need to heal from whatever the last person did or didn’t do that hurt you, made you feel like you’re not enough or don’t deserve what you want - you do 💯 I’m also seeing random things. Birds, bees, obviously. Sex. 5th House. If you are beyond childbearing age/possibility and crave children, I’m seeing animals, like…garden animals. Bees. Birds. Literally. A beekeeper? If you feel like you *can’t* be a parent, or something like that, someone took your chances or it just didn’t happen - Spirit is saying change the way you see parenting. Male/female. Maybe you’re meant to parent the baby birds that come back every year, or you start gardening to help save the bees.

Something like that. The Empress is pregnant sure, and someone may be, but she’s an earth mother too 🌸 Spirit will send you all of the signs or animals you would need to see it - for whoever that’s for. I’m hearing “they already have.” 🩷 Everyone else, it’s necessary to commit to each attempt before moving on to the next…you may have missed a gem or underestimated someone/something, said goodbye too soon. If so it’s newer or never really got off the ground, I’m seeing a too-fast judgment, that could be part of it. No one is going to walk in the door like HELLO SOULMATE I’M HERE TO MAKE BABIES. If they did, would you run or…? Probably should 🙃

Pile 3: Red ❤️

URANUS - LIBRA - 3RD HOUSE

- Stir up the situation by using relationships, by making the right connections.

- Be open to new ideas about the beauty of the idea in question.

- Invent a way to do it with your partner/s and get your ideas going.

I’m getting a few different stories for this one, none of them are alike whatsoever 😆

1: You’re in love with a friend, a neighbor, someone you’ve known all your life, a friend of a friend or the friend of a person you know even and there’s some weirdness with asking them out. Like the guy across the street your sister liked two years ago but doesn’t anymore and you do but you don’t want to make her mad. That was a mouthful. You could chatter away very quickly, like a chipmunk 🐿️ People could have a hard time keeping up with you. The answer is - as long as it’s healthy. There’s some ick energy here in someone where healthy isn’t what they’re going for - and I’m being told to ignore that & them. That person needs to go within and question their motives. No, you shouldn’t fk your therapist 🙃 But do you idc, as long as it’s healthy 😆 I’m also seeing a poly kind of relationship, again if it’s healthy & consensual, do whatever you want. Nothing here is saying “no.”

2: SEX. You want it to hit you like a lightning bolt, someone extremely attentive that fascinates you with how they speak, the way they move, how they look, everything. Obsessed 🤩 You could know them or just want to know them, maybe they don’t even exist and you’re dreaming them up. Spirit is saying you have to talk to them first. There’s no “no” here. Go Deeper, show interest, ask. You never know. Could be a neighbor specifically, someone you know through a friend or a sibling. Why not? If it’s legal 💯

3: You want to make real changes in some 3rd House area of your life. Justice changes, maybe legal ones, could be regarding your own home or neighborhood. The local school. Crime in your neighborhood. Some of you could be involved in law or the desire is to be taken seriously, as an intellectual equal that’s respected and heard - with action being taken. You speak and make it happen, that’s what you want, and again as with the other piles, I’m just seeing that you haven’t spoken up. Everything in this pile has the same answer, if you want it go get it - at least try. People came for a yes/no answer and there isn’t a no, YES. Keep it legal, balanced & healthy and that’s all that matters - most of you can be the ones to make the waves and make it happen, though you’re probably wanting it to happen TO you. That’s the only difference I see, it’s on you.

4: You’re creepy. I see you. Just one. Legal & consensual and do what you want, like the others.

Pile 4: Blue 💙

MOON - SAGITTARIUS - 2ND HOUSE

- The nurturing of insights to understand your beliefs.

- Feelings caused by the wisdom of what you value.

- Reactions resulting from the understanding of your resources.

This pile has an outcome many people can’t attain, that’s why it’s your deepest dream. It’s probably the most popular pile that I’m feeling so far. This is the pile of things you wish would’ve happened, things you wish you would’ve done if only you’d known xyz - past tense - and you know that now because of life experience - Sagittarius. Present tense.

You wish you’d never have moved homes, states, or countries. Or you wish you knew what it had been like if you hadn’t. Would you still have the dog and the window seat in your bedroom? Would this terrible thing never have happened if you did? Would you still be married? Would they have chosen differently? Or the opposite, you wish you left sooner. Why didn’t you take that year off of school and just go explore Japan? Now you never will (in your mind), because you’ll never have the same opportunity. Maybe you could’ve prevented some shocking experience…this is a pile that needs nurturing the most, and healing of the heart.

Wanting your ex back is the strongest energy here. What would it have been like if I had this - with them? Or they have what they have - but with me? Or family in general, especially a mother figure. Or kids. You crave stability, your tribe, your blood - but it’s shown in a way of being the past. Some of you may have had really hard childhoods and you dream of the day when everything calms down and you can do things differently. When YOU have a house you won’t do whatever someone else did. When YOU have a daughter, you’ll treat her like a princess. There’s a lot of pain here from many different directions. The numbers go from 7, 8, to 10. Putting in the work, having done your part (or someone else did) and then there’s a sudden ending - some quite tragic, others a missed opportunity or something came up, or it wasn’t you at all but someone else.

Without pain and regret, career choices could be involved too, anything that would’ve made more money than you’re making now. Why didn’t you study law instead of psychology? Why didn’t you choose this house instead of that one? Why didn’t you invest in Amazon when you had the chance? It’s the pile of regrets and inner conflict. That’s not to say you can’t get some of these things (back) if you really wanted to. Most of you have to move forward and recreate your dreams in a new way. And this time, you’ll stay. Or go. Or do it right. Or not. Whatever you want that you didn’t do before.

Some want a family member back that’s passed on, especially a mom or grandmother. Some wish they had one in the first place, or a better one. There’s only one piece of advice here…make new memories. It’s all you can do. Spirit sees you, I see you, and I’m crying in this one, idk who can’t relate to this 🙏 Sending you guys a lot of love for all of your future memories - let these feelings inspire future decisions and I hope that someday your wounds are healed by something that makes it all feel…like there was a deeper purpose for you, somewhere else you were meant to go. A reason, right? That’s all we really want. Make it make sense, and I hope it does someday 💙 There’s no reason you can’t try to recreate what you once had - it’s the closest thing.

Pile 5: Green 💚

SATURN - LIBRA - 2ND HOUSE

- Be realistic about relationships, patiently.

- Be concerned about the beauty of what you want.

- You must wait before you can do it with your partner/s and get what you need.

This pile has been wounded in the area of finances and self worth, many due to some shitty partner that didn’t see it properly. But you blame yourself. If you were prettier, more fit, had more money, a bigger house, more friends, pick a thing - then you would be loved. You just want real love (any kind) and to be seen for what you have to offer another.

This is the pile for soft hearts 🥰 that aren’t seen or appreciated, fuck that. Literally everyone on this blog is looking for YOU. Everyone that watches tarot looking for answers and their person - it’s you they’re looking for, all of you. Someone kind, genuine, loving, nurturing, and wants to share that with another person and do life together.

Because this is Libra energy, I have an activity for pile 5’s only. Comment your pile, and add someone else that comments this pile…see how it goes. A new friend? New love maybe? I’m not even that kind of person fr - this one inspires me to instigate and matchmake, like Libra. It’s a beautiful gift to have, and one you’d love to share. Saturn is in its’ favorite energy in Libra, with fairness, Justice, balance, and all things moving along in perfect time & harmony. Getting along is always the goal for a Saturn Libra, no chaos or confrontations plz. And you probably tend to be a nurturer above all else - you want to feel appreciated for emotional gifts and values - not monetary.

Some of you are parents, single parents even. There’s a heavy under-appreciated feminine energy as well, as the majority. All of the women that give and give and never receive, because your mental health & sacrifices don’t come in the form of a paycheck. Or they do, but it’s smaller than you’d like or even need. If you’re male, then feminine energy coming from a male, you may work at home or feel “emasculated” because of…something. You’re in a more feminine field perhaps, like a dental assistant is the example I’m getting - and you’re taken advantage of by women specifically. Not 👏 appreciated 👏 This could definitely be male energy in a female situation, maybe you’ve dealt with a difficult woman and the world doesn’t sympathize with men the same as they do women. Gender equality in all forms are showing up in this pile - as it’s tied to self worth, your confidence, and receiving what you deserve, money, attention, love, etc. Based on “how you look?”

Libra energy shows balance to all things that are unfair, and your life (or job) could be unfair to you - they’re not paying you enough or treating you with the appreciation you deserve. Both, all of it. People too, family. Shitty lovers. Someone has a painful ex that pokes at their self worth or how much they make (or don’t, right, probably that.) Diet, nutrition, exercise, and all forms of beauty are involved here too. Wanting to change how you look, because it’s “not good enough” but it IS. If you picked this pile, the energy is lovely, YOU are lovely. There’s another pile where that’s not exclusively true lol, but in this one it’s true. You’re beautiful and perfect as is 💯

Obstacles are shown as your main issue (obviously..), and it’s due to heartbreak. You only feel lack because some douchebag made you feel lack in the first place. I’m seeing Adam & Eve, and the question of “who told you you’re naked?” That’s the message here, who told you you’re not good enough and what gave them the qualifications to do so? A degree in business? Do you have any idea how many managers have degrees in business and they’re a bunch of squawking birds that can’t even math? C’mon now. A scientist excels at science but maybe isn’t the most emotionally intelligent, because you can’t book-learn love. Pain. Trauma. Your paycheck can’t possibly reflect the amount of goodness inside of you - because here you’re a Queen of Cups. Soft, loving, nurturing, you care deeply for others. Could be a teacher, a parent, a nurse, raising these people 🍼

Rejection & Nourish with Queen of Cups wants you to take a smelly good bath, with wine and music, and learn to love yourself for all of the amazing qualities you do have that no one else does. You think everyone can be a Queen of Cups? They can, for a day. Not as a significator that’s describing who you are. That’s who you are every single day. All of you need some staycation time, giving back to yourself. Rub your feet, lotion your body, do hair treatments and skin treatments, put some love into you - and others will respond to that & you positively. You could experiment with hairstyles or beauty treatments. With Libra, to look good is to feel good, they’re intermingled. Clean house, smelling good, love this shirt, it builds all of the confidence necessary to take on the world when they’re feeling cute 😌 might delete later idk. Complimenting others as well, you could crave positive attention & recognition.

The tarot cards show you already know what to do and just need confirmation that it’s attainable or real. It is. Actualization & Patience show you getting what you want eventually. More money, more respect, more genuine love and appreciation, more attraction, all of it. But it first comes with loving yourself, teaching others to love you by setting the example. And don’t let others have the power to take that away. So they don’t like lavender. You do. I guess they better go sit over there then. For that example it’s like you can smile sweetly & confidently, and if others don’t like it THEY can move. Not you. Apply that to everything ❤️ First process your wounds emotionally, feel your feelings & why you feel this way…then do something fun about it. Play with your looks. Experiment. Work out. Eat kale. Drink wine. And finding others like you would work wonders for your self esteem…Saturn Libra needs friends. People. Even one person that supports you is worth all the weight in gold…maybe they like lavender and wine too 🍷

As for money, if that’s the whole issue, it’s being shown as “it’s coming be patient.” You’re right where you’re supposed to be. Ace of Swords can be like a sudden wake-up call or realization, if you’re wanting to make money from something else that’s not your job, like a creative venture, that’s being supported too. You already know what to do, your intuition has told you. All of you. This is confirmation. Some of you can and will transmute your pain or old wounds into money somehow - which is amazing. You didn’t have a real home as a kid, and now you sell homes for a living. Or you’ve always been made fun of for art, now you’re working for a tv station creating cartoons every day. It’s coming & you already know. Or you’ve been told forever and you’ve just ignored Spirit but they’re saying they’ve already told you, maybe in a dream, and have sent messages to you with The High Priestess rev. You may have ignored them or brushed them off. Ace of Swords could be whatever you’re thinking of when I say that, whatever you’ve been thinking of the whole reading, it’s like a light bulb💡and you can see it clearly now.

Pile 6: Black 🖤

JUPITER - CAPRICORN - 5TH HOUSE

- Learn or teach your goals with the trust of a child.

- Be positive about the day-to-day reality of fun, romance, and art.

- Grow and expand, use the most businesslike way and - do it dramatically.

I thought 4 was the most popular, and it’s now the other one, but I stand corrected. That’s the whole point for some of you - what’s coming is better than it was or what it currently is. Yes, you’ve been heard. Yes, you’ll win. Yes, you’ll get everything you’re working so hard for. No, it’s not all for nothing. No, you shouldn’t give up on what you’re doing right now, what you’ve been working towards - because you wouldn’t be on that path if you weren’t supposed to be. And you’d have picked something else, like 4. If you picked 4 first, this is the response to whatever you felt or were thinking of from that. Yes 🙌 You’re on the right track.

Heavy heavy Capricorn & earth energy here, in literal signs, plus the most beautiful Queen of Pentacles card I’ve ever seen, and Karma at the bottom of the oracles. This is The Literary Tarot and here she is a beautiful & successful goddess in a fancy gown with feathers, on some kind of throne, very regal - you’ve got this. Doesn’t have to be your sign, it’s your dream, or who you are whether you’ve accomplished this dream or not. But will you? Yessss.

Wedding Rings shows love or marriage, kids with 5th House, that whole dream. Yes! Coffee Cup shows good times with friends, feeling joyful, meeting good people. Yes! Capricorn with 5th shows wanting to create a job or financial opportunity from something you love, or loving what you do, my entrepreneurs here. Yes! Especially working with children, if that’s something you do it’s like Spirit is giving you a big hug, someone here works with kids in rough situations or that’s their goal - big yes! 👏

Queen of Pentacles, 2 Wands, 4 Swords. You’ve gone so far already, you’re now at another crossroads - many of you. Should you take the path of the heart - 5th House. Whatever that is for you specifically. Yes 👏 Is all your hard work paying off? Yes! Will your efforts turn into financial blessings? Yes! Capricorn is often a “no” kind of sign and this whole reading is “yes”. Do you believe it? You should, but you’re also in charge of making it happen. The Sun at the bottom shows whatever you clicked on this hoping to see, wondering if you’ve been heard or if it’s even known by Spirit what you want - yes! The only thing you shouldn’t do is quit, or give up.

The advice is to Push for more Insight before you Evolve. Learn about the things you want to do, feel more confident and prepared, do it with intention & knowledge, and watch it grow into something you love - 5th House. Some of you are getting back in touch with your inner child and will expand beyond your current circumstances, perspectives, and life generally - all positive things. The Sun is the happiest card in the whole deck; recognition, achievement, joy & happiness, light shining through any darkness/confusion/fear that existed before - all for the better ☀️ This whole pile is simply for Spirit to confirm what you already know - and it be deeply personalized despite being so general. Yes 👏 Transformation at the bottom, big changes, and every card is here positive & wholesome. If it hasn’t happened yet, it will eventually, just enjoy the ride.

[loverboy-lover]

crimson rivers you will always be famous, I don’t know how anyone could read this fic and not be forever changed so here’s some (not well put together) thoughts:

- the most beautiful and in-depth exploration of trauma, grief, love, what it means to be human and have humanity that i have ever read

- i will never read a more heart wrenching sibling relationship in my life because the tears i wept watching every change in sirius and regulus’s relationship oh my god

- remus lupin i love you in every story every lifetime every world, you deserve everything

- also sirius and james and regulus you also do and i also love you i just needed to give remus his own shoutout

- i know obviously the moon thing is in many (every? i’m gonna say almost every) fic but UGH!!!!! sirius saying “moon of mine” “my moon” and just adoring him and calling him radiant in this specifically just really pulls at my heartstrings i’m literally weeping

- this is by far the best ending i’ve ever read in actually any written work and i have read MANY things in my day. I always want a little bit more of characters just living and being happy and the progression here of them learning to navigate life post-war, to being somewhat better, to adding new things into their lives and finding happiness everywhere, to being fully happy and flourishing was just perfectly beautifully done and i was crying very happy and fulfilled tears because it’s what they deserve

- zar’s work is just. so so good. there’s not even enough words to describe how grateful i am to have read this because genuinely it felt like i took a journey and i am better for it

anyways now i don’t know what to do with myself im just gonna stew and rot a little bit thinking about when i will be emotionally stable enough to reread this <3

[moonbeamwritings]

bathed in moonlight

wc: ~3.3k

pairing: johnny joestar x fem!reader

warnings: nudity, nonsexual intimacy (bathing together), fem!reader pretending to be a man for the steel ball run

Your life is simple. Quiet. You work on your family’s farm, the only child to two loving parents. You take on a lot, both emotionally and physically, familial burdens becoming your own to bear as soon as you could help on the property. 

The burden gets heavier the winter before the Steel Ball Run. Your back bows and threatens to crack and splinter when your mother falls ill and the responsibility of both mother and daughter comes to rest on your shoulders. You tend to the animals when you can, clean the house, cook the food. All the while, your aunt and uncle who have come to stay in the wake of your mother’s illness to care for her and assist you and your father, talk in hushed tones, blaming you for your family’s misfortune. You’re not doing enough. Well, maybe if they had a son or more money things would be different.

Your father can only tell them off so many times before their words start to seep through your skin, covering your bones in a dark, cloudy haze. You take on more responsibility, eager to prove yourself. To do something.

Months later, a newspaper you find in the corner store changes everything. A horse race with a generous cash prize is set to be held in September — The Steel Ball Run. Your father taught you to ride when you were just a kid. Hours of your youth spent in the warm summer sun working with your horse before your mother rang the dinner bell. You know it won’t be easy, but you know you have to try, even if your family won’t approve.

You spend the next few weeks hoarding supplies, stuffing them into closets and hiding them in the stables, chipping away at all of the things you’ll need, and on the night you plan to leave you press a kiss to your parents’ cheeks, and go to bed, heart turning to lead in your chest.

That night, when the moon is high, and the house has fallen silent, you pull your father’s clothes from beneath your bed — an old pair of pants with a rip in the knee, a loose button up shirt, and an old cowboy hat — and tiptoe down the rickety wooden stairs, careful to avoid the creaky boards along the way, and disappear into the night.

As you ride, the wind whipping in your hair, and the moon casting shadows over the landscape, you assume a new identity, one of a man on the hunt for a new beginning. You’re sure you won’t be the only one, and you’ll be able to slip right through the cracks. And though you’re leaving your home behind, everything you’ve known growing more minuscule with each beat of your horse’s hooves, you feel hopeful — like a grand adventure is waiting just beyond the horizon.

The moment you meet Johnny Joestar and Gyro Zeppeli is the moment your life becomes infinitely more complicated. They’re nice, friendly despite Gyro’s initial intention to kill you for so much as looking at him. But hey, all budding friendships have their hiccups, right? You travel with them and find safety in their numbers, though getting wrapped up in their scheme to find the parts of a mysterious corpse wasn’t exactly high on your to-do list.

The only times you ever hesitate, the only times you ever find your voice losing the confident vibrato of the man you’re masquerading as is when it’s time to bathe. At inns, tucked neatly along the streets at each checkpoint, it’s easy. Harmless. You can sneak away and conceal your true form behind closed doors and shower curtains. But with the sky overhead and a babbling brook acting as your only chance at freshening up, your fingers wring the soft fabric of your bandana.

You weave intricate excuses, using a different one each time, hoping, praying the boys don’t catch on.

“Oh, I was going to eat first.”

“Someone needs to collect the firewood.”

“I’m just not used to bathing around other people yet.”

And the first few times it works, Gyro doesn’t think a thing of it, looking at Johnny as he dunks his head beneath the water, and raising his shoulders to shrug. “Eh, some guys just have their things, ya know?”

Johnny nods reluctantly, but feels there’s something else going on. Something you’re not telling them. He knows you’re not an enemy stand user, you’re not out to get them or kill them in their sleep. He’s certain you would’ve done it by now if that was your true intention, but there’s something else.

He ends up discovering your secret entirely by accident. 

Sure he’s suspicious of what you’re hiding, and sure he wants to get to the bottom of it, but he’s not a creep. Honest. He didn’t mean to walk in on you just as you were pulling your night shirt down over your head, curves and smooth skin on display. As his entire face burns, he’s at least thankful all he saw was your back.

You whip around at the sound of his strangled gasp, and your face ignites. At the same time, you both frantically mumble, “Oh my god.”

You’re speaking over each other as you race to kick your door shut, pulling Johnny into your room with a harsh tug.

“‘M really sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in! Yer door was open and I just thought-”

“How much did you see? How long have you been here? Do not tell Gyro or I will-”

Words and questions rush from your mouths like waterfalls, only stopping when you finally huff, running a weary hand through your hair. “It’s fine,” you start, only to repeat yourself when Johnny opens his mouth. “It’s fine. Just please, Johnny. Don’t tell Gyro.”

The desperate plea in your voice pulls the strings of his heart taut, and he’d do anything you ask if it meant he’d never have to hear that broken, aching sound again. His brows crease, and his face softens. “I won’t.” And as the clock behind you ticks to fill the silence, he adds, “I promise.”

In the days that follow, you hold your breath, waiting for the pin to drop, for the dynamics to finally shift. But that shift never comes. Johnny keeps your secret to himself, treating you just as he always did. Gratitude blooms in your chest, and you find yourself smiling whenever Johnny does, fixing him with a honeyed expression, like you’re seeing him in a new light.

You sit nearly shoulder to shoulder by campfire light, you eat meals at the same time, and when Gyro isn’t babbling away, the two of you make quiet conversation to fill the silence. It’s nice, feeling like you can finally ease the ache in your shoulders. The burden has shifted, if only just slightly, and you’re grateful to Johnny for taking on some of its weight.

“Wanna set up here?” Johnny asks, bringing Slow Dancer to a stop at a quiet clearing. The grassy patch is a ways off the path, concealed by trees and dotted with flowers. You hear the dull babbling of a river just down the hill. An oasis. “I think we should rest sooner than later now that the sun is starting to set.”

The ache in your back shoots up your spin and you roll your shoulders. “Yes please. I don’t think I have anything else in me.”

You all dismount and begin spreading out, setting up tents and crafting a little circle of rocks for a small fire. And as you chuck your bag to the ground, Gyro approaches you with a proposition.

“I’m gonna bathe now, I’ll make dinner once I get out if you find the firewood.”

“You’ve got a deal.”

He ruffles your hair, before shooting Johnny a look. “You comin’?”

Johnny's gaze flickers between you and Gyro for a moment, pensive, before he replies, “I’ll take a dip later, wanna rest for a minute.”

Gyro holds up his hands and sets a towel over his shoulder. “Suit yourself.”

“Do ya need help with the wood?”

“No, I think I got it, Johnny. Thank you.”

By the time you come back, bundles of sticks in your hands, Gyro’s already setting up a pot to boil water, wet hair clinging to the back of his night shirt. When you drop the pile, he grins at you appreciatively. “Thanks.”

With Gyro’s attention elsewhere, you and Johnny sneak off down the hill, excited to have your own time in the river.

You perch your things on a rock before hesitantly locking eyes with Johnny. He knows your secret, and with the sun setting, he probably won’t be able to make much out anyway. Yet you feel bare, vulnerable even now, fully clothed.

As if sensing your trepidation, Johnny pulls his hat off. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go first.”

You turn your back and let Johnny strip and get in, and once he gives you the all clear, you fiddle with one of the buttons on your shirt. “Just-... Just don’t look.”

You slowly unbutton your shirt, and Johnny shuts his eyes, the cool water of the river already kneading the ache from his joints. “I won’t.”

“I don’t want a repeat of last time.” A flutter, and a soft thud follow. Johnny figures you must have lost your shirt and your hat. He doesn’t dare peek.

“It was an accident.”

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

The smile that forms on Johnny’s face is lazy, teasing. “Alright, alright.”

Johnny hears you hiss. “Shit, it’s cold.” You dip into the water until only from your shoulders up remains above its surface. “You can open up.”

He almost wishes he hadn’t opened them at all. You have a bar of soap in hand, your hair clinging to the back of your neck with water. His eyes trace along the smooth curve of your neck, watching as the delicate lines kiss your collarbones and shoulders. The setting sun catches the water droplets that cling to your skin, bathing you in tiny flecks of pink and orange. Your body glitters like a jewel as you rinse away the grime and sweat from a long day of traveling. You’re so beautiful Johnny fears he may never be the same.

In that moment, he understands artists and their muses. He understands why someone would painstakingly mix colors and stare, memorizing features and curves and lines. He understands how love inspires art.

And he wants to die when you smile, this tiny sheepish thing that Johnny thinks stops his heart in his chest. You duck beneath the water’s surface until it reaches your chin. “My eyes are up here, ya know.”

Pushing a hand in his direction, you send a gentle spray of water barreling towards his face, and it's then that Johnny decides he needs to get his mind out of the gutter; shifting focus to start washing his hair.

With his back to you, you can admire the strong muscles you find there. His pretty blond waves are darkened by water and slicked back away from his forehead. They brush along his shoulders and bring your attention to the pale skin of his shoulders, inhabited by tiny freckles, constellations trapped right on his skin. You wonder if you’ll ever get close enough to connect the dots, to find patterns in the speckled curves of his shoulders. You want to give names to those tiny stars, to kiss them.

“What-“ Johnny looks like a deer in headlights as he emerges from the water, fresh from dunking his head to wash away the shampoo. “What’re you looking at?”

The shimmer of the water, deep blue tones mixing with the same oranges and pinks that paint your skin, catch the light blue of his eyes, and you feel like you could drown in them. Johnny in the light of that setting sun, eyes sparkling, hair shimmering like precious, golden threads, is a sight you wish to burn into your memory, to covet.

Now it’s your turn to feel caught red handed, vulnerability prickling your bare skin. You speak without thinking. “You’re so…” You struggle to identify the right word, and when you can’t conjure one, you hope that what you do find will be enough to articulate what you’re thinking. “You’re so pretty, Johnny.”

And despite the silence that follows, and the awkward tension that hangs, thick and heavy, in the air, Johnny can’t bring himself to refute you. If he didn’t know you better, he’d wave a hand, tell you you’re full of shit or that you’re just trying to butter him up, but he does know better; and it’s that exact thought that sends his heart racing back to life. It’s a compliment he’ll only accept from you — an angel amongst men. And Johnny’s certain that angels can’t lie.

You watch as his wet cheeks flush, eyes downcast as you catch the tiniest ghost of a smile on his lips. His response is quiet, bashful, and it makes you want to hide your smile beneath the surface of the water. “Thanks.”

Any walls that remained between you have been reduced to rubble, and as the moon begins to peek over the trees, you feel comfortable, more relaxed now that the daylight has made way for night. You fall into murmured conversation and the warm hues of the sun morph into the silver beams of the moon, floating together with your skin feeling refreshed and bodies feeling slack. Your hand brushes over Johnny’s beneath the cool surface of the river.

When the conversation lulls, Johnny worries his lip between his teeth, his brows furrowing.

“What?” You ask, tilting your head and squinting at him in the moonlight. “What is it?”

Johnny looks at you for a long moment. He’s nervous. He runs through a list of things he could say, but even now, with your hand in his and your shoulder brushing against his own, he can’t form the words in his throat.

You’re so pretty it hurts. My heart is hammering against my ribs so fiercely, I’m afraid it’ll burst right out of my chest. If you keep touching me, looking at me like that, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself anymore. You’ve ignited a fire in my belly that I’ll never be able to extinguish.

He opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by rapidly approaching footsteps.

Johnny hisses. “It’s Gyro.”

You have to act, and you have to act now. Either you arouse suspicion and stay put, jeopardizing your precious secret, or you hide - somewhere, somehow, and leave Johnny to fill in the gaps. Deciding on the latter, you scramble up to the bank of the river and practically throw yourself behind a bush, praying you’re out of sight of both Johnny and Gyro. You don’t think you can stomach the blow to your ego being caught naked, and now covered in mud (again), would deal.

“Hey, you need help getting out?” Gyro asks when he approaches the edge of the water. “You’ve been down here awhile.

It’s only then that Johnny notices the way his fingertips have started to prune. “Oh, no.” He rushes to answer, “‘m fine. Just got lost thinkin’ about stuff.”

Gyro’s only half listening, gaze fixated on a pile of clothes amongst the rocks. Your clothes. Johnny’s chest tightens.

“What’s this doing here?” Pressing further, Gyro asks if you finally manned up and joined Johnny to bathe. Johnny catches sight of your soaps, sitting just out of eye-line on a rock behind some thickets, and some of the tension eases from his shoulders — less to explain away.

“Oh, he came down and… went around the bend that way,” Johnny nods his head towards the left. “Wanted some privacy, I think.”

You’re shivering from your spot in the bush, branches poking your ribs and leaves getting trapped in your hair. So much for getting cleaned up. 

“You’re a shit liar, Johnny.”

It’s almost like a horror novel, the way your body stills, the way your breath catches in your throat. Shit shit shit. Your heart races, and you worry that somehow Gyro will hear it.

“Wha-”

“You don’t have to play coy with me Johnny, I can see it plain as day.”

Johnny has never wanted to curl up and die so badly in his life. Gyro had figured out your secret all on his own, and is content to rub it in Johnny’s face. Torture him with it.

“You finally told him you like him… I gotta hand it to you, I never thought you’d have it in you.”

Johnny stands corrected.

“What’re you-? Gyro that’s not-” Johnny can't even form a coherent sentence under Gyro’s smug gaze, and knowing you’re sitting behind that bush, listening to this shit only serves to add fire to the warmth pooling in his cheeks, boiling up to the tips of his ears.

You have to bring a hand up to cover your mouth.

Gyro clicks his tongue with a wag of his finger, head shaking and ruffling his dirty blond hair. “You don’t have to explain it to me. Trust me, I get it. Our lil riding partner’s pretty easy on the eyes. If you ever need some time alone, I can make myself scarce, ya know? Collect some firewood, maybe hunt a little or something. However long you need.”

Johnny can hear the smirk in Gyro’s tone more than see it in the dark of the evening. He struggles to collect himself. “It’s not like that.”

“Mm,” Gyro hums, “sure it’s not.” He raises his voice a little, ensuring that you both can hear what comes next, “In any case, food’s done whenever you two lovebirds are ready to eat.”

Johnny’s face burns as he watches Gyro disappear back to camp and out of sight, and just as he brings his gaze back towards the smooth surface of the water, you’re climbing back in. He catches an unfiltered glimpse at your curves, the expanse of your legs, the plush of your hips. His eyes squeeze shut and he feels like he’s suffering from acute heat stroke. Johnny knows the visage of your body, sinking into the water, bathed in moonlight that clings to your skin like a silver gown, will haunt his dreams until the end of time. Aphrodite has been plucked from her throne amongst the Gods and dropped right in the lap of some disgraced jockey from Kentucky.

He can’t possibly face you now can he? He’s not prepared to meet a goddess.

“I-” You look up at Johnny through your lashes, water clinging to them from your journey back into the river. You seem almost bashful, shy. Johnny’s heart skips a beat.

“He’s an idiot.” Is all Johnny can bring himself to tell you.

You giggle, and Johnny thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. “He is.”

A quiet moment passes before you’re back where you started, hand closing over his own as you settle before him, backlit by the full light of the moon. “I meant what I said earlier.”

With the way you carefully examine the slope of his nose, the way your gaze flickers from his eyes to his lips and back again with a look Johnny can only describe as reverence, the man has no choice. He believes you, just as he had before. He captures your cheek in his palm, as if doing so will stop you from returning to the heavens, disappearing before his eyes.

Johnny brings you closer, lips ghosting over yours. “I know.”

[miumiumandoodz]

Honestly, to me, romancing Owen is the most ultimate unrealistic fantasy. He has a stable business, unusually wealthy (possibly generational, since the business have been there since his father was young) and speaking of his father, apparently his saloon is stable enough that his parents can enjoy peaceful retirement somewhere. He’s a homeowner and his home is large enough to house a small family if that’s what you’re looking for. And this man is ACTUALLY kind, generous, compassionate, friendly, good natured, great listener, attentive to things (really keeps his saloon neat much to Grace’s chagrin). He’s handsome too, well build, physically so prime it’s impossible. Hot himbos like Justice and Unsuur are more realistic. It’s likelier that someone wealthy to be like Earnest. If I wanna have a Logan experience, I can just pop up to one of my straight girlie friend and listen to her talk about his hot but a bit unruly boyfriend who lives in a questionable situation because he’s pursuing a passion project that stems from his trauma and parental issues while she has to mom him emotionally. And we don’t talk about Miguel. A lot of Miguel types are borderline criminal and if you grow up in a very religious community, chances are you’ve heard or know someone like that. Some people be into that but not for me. Nope. BUT WHERE ARE THE OWENS??? WHERE??? They’re myth. They’re an illusion. They’re cryptids. There’s no way there’s a cis man like him. It’s impossible. Have you listen to all the girls and gays? No such account. That’s why to me he’s the fantasy. The elusive thing. The thing I’m pursuing. “Oh but he’s boring” EXACTLY. I want boring and safe romance. Romance that makes me think “yeah, I wanna spend the rest of my life cuddling at home with him” The world already sucks balls. Why would I want insecurities, discomfort, and more problems? I want a man like Owen. Life hard, Owen’s tiddy soft.

(Not mentioning Burgess and Pablo because while they almost has no flaws, they’re pretty realistic. Their only probable flaw is neurotypicals wouldn’t stand Burgess and Pablo definitely is not for straight anyone. Meanwhile, while writing this, I realized that the most unrealistic bachelor here is Pen. If you romance him, you’re probably the bravest in all of us)