#I can’t cheat when I have goldfish brain

[alyjojo]

PAC - A Dream is a Wish ✨

Pile 1: Orange 🧡

MERCURY - ARIES - 11TH HOUSE

- Communicate your willpower for humanity’s sake.

- Analyze what you think you know about your hopes and wishes.

- Let your mind tell you how to do it your own way, and do it for the future.

You’re dealing with someone at work that you think is a moron, or a snake, and feel that you could probably do a much better job. You have suggestions and ways that your career could improve, if only someone would listen to you. Or rather, if you had the courage to speak up - that’s the strongest story I’m getting. Shyness 🙈 combined with a lack of power, because what you really want is power. Aries energy 💪 You want to be King of Pentacles, The Emperor, the one running this shit - no one else can do it as good as you can. Ideally.

Withdrawn, The Moon & Fear show major insecurities keeping you from speaking your mind and leading like you want to. You’re afraid of confrontation, or making people upset with you. You could lack confidence or feel like others don’t believe in you…it’s more that you’re solitary and don’t include yourself. Strength at the bottom shows this as a difficult personal challenge for you, you could have a squared/conflicted Mercury that makes it difficult for you to just say the thing you want to say. I’m seeing fire that craves earth💰- money, responsibility, earned success; and I’m seeing earth that craves fire 🔥- confidence, self-appointed leadership, influence, recognition. Or both, you could have those in your chart.

Regardless of who is in charge, currently you’re off to the side and want to do things YOUR way. Your way is better than the group, and you desire to pioneer major change in the group collective of whatever it is you’re doing. Work, a friend group, politics, the whole world, social media or online groups - 11th House. But you want recognition and success, not opposition, and there could be a Snake 🐍 around you that inspires this in the first place…so you worry about them. How can you do what you want peacefully? And get support?

You want to be the boss, but not an asshole. Everything you’re feeling inside shows the level of strength and character you possess, and you seem to be coming from the right place - in that you’re thinking of the whole group when you’re thinking of these “improvements,” but Spirit is showing you as not knowing the whole story - and going off of that, not truth. Like you’re a worker in the break room gossiping with the others, none of which are actually making decisions - and don’t know budgets, approval, who said what in meetings and what’s been decided, etc. That’s the issue, you want a seat at that table, the bigger one that has the power to make real decisions.

You are an intellectual/practical rebel, with good reason, and inside you have more than enough confidence to pull off anything you want…it’s just gathering the confidence to do it out loud. If you want the reading to tell you whether you’ll fail or not, I don’t see failure, just fear. Strength shows it won’t be easy; Temperance shows you’ll have to be patient and it will take time - but that’s not failure 🧡 In the Spirit of Aries energy…just do it ☑️ Speak up 📢

————

Pile 2: Purple 💜

MARS - CANCER - 5TH HOUSE

- The drive for intuition to protect the power of love.

- The confronting of attitudes from the past about investment gambles and other games.

- Action resulting from the history of your creations.

More than anything, this pile wants children, and the kind of nurturing, emotionally stable and mature soulmate that’s ready & willing to be that partner for them. Some of you already have kids and are starting over completely, some don’t and feel like the clock is ticking. All of you probably have a sad story: divorce, a bad break-up, breadcrumbing that went nowhere, or just not meeting someone on your level yet.

On the other side of the coin, this is the pile for the players that like messing around with several different people - but you say you want a soulmate, tsk tsk. Either the soulmate is the one procrastinating - and it’s driving you crazy, or you’re the reason one hasn’t come in. Like Spirit is gonna hand you the right one with all the games and bs, no. Once that is done, then. Or you’ve already met them and have procrastinated going deeper…it’s time. Cut off the extra baggage - if that’s you you’ll know it. If it’s not, you could be dating someone like this, or have, and you’re tired of non-committal people that don’t take love seriously. You want the whole thing, where is your person?

The reading is showing the need to heal from whatever the last person did or didn’t do that hurt you, made you feel like you’re not enough or don’t deserve what you want - you do 💯 I’m also seeing random things. Birds, bees, obviously. Sex. 5th House. If you are beyond childbearing age/possibility and crave children, I’m seeing animals, like…garden animals. Bees. Birds. Literally. A beekeeper? If you feel like you *can’t* be a parent, or something like that, someone took your chances or it just didn’t happen - Spirit is saying change the way you see parenting. Male/female. Maybe you’re meant to parent the baby birds that come back every year, or you start gardening to help save the bees.

Something like that. The Empress is pregnant sure, and someone may be, but she’s an earth mother too 🌸 Spirit will send you all of the signs or animals you would need to see it - for whoever that’s for. I’m hearing “they already have.” 🩷 Everyone else, it’s necessary to commit to each attempt before moving on to the next…you may have missed a gem or underestimated someone/something, said goodbye too soon. If so it’s newer or never really got off the ground, I’m seeing a too-fast judgment, that could be part of it. No one is going to walk in the door like HELLO SOULMATE I’M HERE TO MAKE BABIES. If they did, would you run or…? Probably should 🙃

Pile 3: Red ❤️

URANUS - LIBRA - 3RD HOUSE

- Stir up the situation by using relationships, by making the right connections.

- Be open to new ideas about the beauty of the idea in question.

- Invent a way to do it with your partner/s and get your ideas going.

I’m getting a few different stories for this one, none of them are alike whatsoever 😆

1: You’re in love with a friend, a neighbor, someone you’ve known all your life, a friend of a friend or the friend of a person you know even and there’s some weirdness with asking them out. Like the guy across the street your sister liked two years ago but doesn’t anymore and you do but you don’t want to make her mad. That was a mouthful. You could chatter away very quickly, like a chipmunk 🐿️ People could have a hard time keeping up with you. The answer is - as long as it’s healthy. There’s some ick energy here in someone where healthy isn’t what they’re going for - and I’m being told to ignore that & them. That person needs to go within and question their motives. No, you shouldn’t fk your therapist 🙃 But do you idc, as long as it’s healthy 😆 I’m also seeing a poly kind of relationship, again if it’s healthy & consensual, do whatever you want. Nothing here is saying “no.”

2: SEX. You want it to hit you like a lightning bolt, someone extremely attentive that fascinates you with how they speak, the way they move, how they look, everything. Obsessed 🤩 You could know them or just want to know them, maybe they don’t even exist and you’re dreaming them up. Spirit is saying you have to talk to them first. There’s no “no” here. Go Deeper, show interest, ask. You never know. Could be a neighbor specifically, someone you know through a friend or a sibling. Why not? If it’s legal 💯

3: You want to make real changes in some 3rd House area of your life. Justice changes, maybe legal ones, could be regarding your own home or neighborhood. The local school. Crime in your neighborhood. Some of you could be involved in law or the desire is to be taken seriously, as an intellectual equal that’s respected and heard - with action being taken. You speak and make it happen, that’s what you want, and again as with the other piles, I’m just seeing that you haven’t spoken up. Everything in this pile has the same answer, if you want it go get it - at least try. People came for a yes/no answer and there isn’t a no, YES. Keep it legal, balanced & healthy and that’s all that matters - most of you can be the ones to make the waves and make it happen, though you’re probably wanting it to happen TO you. That’s the only difference I see, it’s on you.

4: You’re creepy. I see you. Just one. Legal & consensual and do what you want, like the others.

Pile 4: Blue 💙

MOON - SAGITTARIUS - 2ND HOUSE

- The nurturing of insights to understand your beliefs.

- Feelings caused by the wisdom of what you value.

- Reactions resulting from the understanding of your resources.

This pile has an outcome many people can’t attain, that’s why it’s your deepest dream. It’s probably the most popular pile that I’m feeling so far. This is the pile of things you wish would’ve happened, things you wish you would’ve done if only you’d known xyz - past tense - and you know that now because of life experience - Sagittarius. Present tense.

You wish you’d never have moved homes, states, or countries. Or you wish you knew what it had been like if you hadn’t. Would you still have the dog and the window seat in your bedroom? Would this terrible thing never have happened if you did? Would you still be married? Would they have chosen differently? Or the opposite, you wish you left sooner. Why didn’t you take that year off of school and just go explore Japan? Now you never will (in your mind), because you’ll never have the same opportunity. Maybe you could’ve prevented some shocking experience…this is a pile that needs nurturing the most, and healing of the heart.

Wanting your ex back is the strongest energy here. What would it have been like if I had this - with them? Or they have what they have - but with me? Or family in general, especially a mother figure. Or kids. You crave stability, your tribe, your blood - but it’s shown in a way of being the past. Some of you may have had really hard childhoods and you dream of the day when everything calms down and you can do things differently. When YOU have a house you won’t do whatever someone else did. When YOU have a daughter, you’ll treat her like a princess. There’s a lot of pain here from many different directions. The numbers go from 7, 8, to 10. Putting in the work, having done your part (or someone else did) and then there’s a sudden ending - some quite tragic, others a missed opportunity or something came up, or it wasn’t you at all but someone else.

Without pain and regret, career choices could be involved too, anything that would’ve made more money than you’re making now. Why didn’t you study law instead of psychology? Why didn’t you choose this house instead of that one? Why didn’t you invest in Amazon when you had the chance? It’s the pile of regrets and inner conflict. That’s not to say you can’t get some of these things (back) if you really wanted to. Most of you have to move forward and recreate your dreams in a new way. And this time, you’ll stay. Or go. Or do it right. Or not. Whatever you want that you didn’t do before.

Some want a family member back that’s passed on, especially a mom or grandmother. Some wish they had one in the first place, or a better one. There’s only one piece of advice here…make new memories. It’s all you can do. Spirit sees you, I see you, and I’m crying in this one, idk who can’t relate to this 🙏 Sending you guys a lot of love for all of your future memories - let these feelings inspire future decisions and I hope that someday your wounds are healed by something that makes it all feel…like there was a deeper purpose for you, somewhere else you were meant to go. A reason, right? That’s all we really want. Make it make sense, and I hope it does someday 💙 There’s no reason you can’t try to recreate what you once had - it’s the closest thing.

Pile 5: Green 💚

SATURN - LIBRA - 2ND HOUSE

- Be realistic about relationships, patiently.

- Be concerned about the beauty of what you want.

- You must wait before you can do it with your partner/s and get what you need.

This pile has been wounded in the area of finances and self worth, many due to some shitty partner that didn’t see it properly. But you blame yourself. If you were prettier, more fit, had more money, a bigger house, more friends, pick a thing - then you would be loved. You just want real love (any kind) and to be seen for what you have to offer another.

This is the pile for soft hearts 🥰 that aren’t seen or appreciated, fuck that. Literally everyone on this blog is looking for YOU. Everyone that watches tarot looking for answers and their person - it’s you they’re looking for, all of you. Someone kind, genuine, loving, nurturing, and wants to share that with another person and do life together.

Because this is Libra energy, I have an activity for pile 5’s only. Comment your pile, and add someone else that comments this pile…see how it goes. A new friend? New love maybe? I’m not even that kind of person fr - this one inspires me to instigate and matchmake, like Libra. It’s a beautiful gift to have, and one you’d love to share. Saturn is in its’ favorite energy in Libra, with fairness, Justice, balance, and all things moving along in perfect time & harmony. Getting along is always the goal for a Saturn Libra, no chaos or confrontations plz. And you probably tend to be a nurturer above all else - you want to feel appreciated for emotional gifts and values - not monetary.

Some of you are parents, single parents even. There’s a heavy under-appreciated feminine energy as well, as the majority. All of the women that give and give and never receive, because your mental health & sacrifices don’t come in the form of a paycheck. Or they do, but it’s smaller than you’d like or even need. If you’re male, then feminine energy coming from a male, you may work at home or feel “emasculated” because of…something. You’re in a more feminine field perhaps, like a dental assistant is the example I’m getting - and you’re taken advantage of by women specifically. Not 👏 appreciated 👏 This could definitely be male energy in a female situation, maybe you’ve dealt with a difficult woman and the world doesn’t sympathize with men the same as they do women. Gender equality in all forms are showing up in this pile - as it’s tied to self worth, your confidence, and receiving what you deserve, money, attention, love, etc. Based on “how you look?”

Libra energy shows balance to all things that are unfair, and your life (or job) could be unfair to you - they’re not paying you enough or treating you with the appreciation you deserve. Both, all of it. People too, family. Shitty lovers. Someone has a painful ex that pokes at their self worth or how much they make (or don’t, right, probably that.) Diet, nutrition, exercise, and all forms of beauty are involved here too. Wanting to change how you look, because it’s “not good enough” but it IS. If you picked this pile, the energy is lovely, YOU are lovely. There’s another pile where that’s not exclusively true lol, but in this one it’s true. You’re beautiful and perfect as is 💯

Obstacles are shown as your main issue (obviously..), and it’s due to heartbreak. You only feel lack because some douchebag made you feel lack in the first place. I’m seeing Adam & Eve, and the question of “who told you you’re naked?” That’s the message here, who told you you’re not good enough and what gave them the qualifications to do so? A degree in business? Do you have any idea how many managers have degrees in business and they’re a bunch of squawking birds that can’t even math? C’mon now. A scientist excels at science but maybe isn’t the most emotionally intelligent, because you can’t book-learn love. Pain. Trauma. Your paycheck can’t possibly reflect the amount of goodness inside of you - because here you’re a Queen of Cups. Soft, loving, nurturing, you care deeply for others. Could be a teacher, a parent, a nurse, raising these people 🍼

Rejection & Nourish with Queen of Cups wants you to take a smelly good bath, with wine and music, and learn to love yourself for all of the amazing qualities you do have that no one else does. You think everyone can be a Queen of Cups? They can, for a day. Not as a significator that’s describing who you are. That’s who you are every single day. All of you need some staycation time, giving back to yourself. Rub your feet, lotion your body, do hair treatments and skin treatments, put some love into you - and others will respond to that & you positively. You could experiment with hairstyles or beauty treatments. With Libra, to look good is to feel good, they’re intermingled. Clean house, smelling good, love this shirt, it builds all of the confidence necessary to take on the world when they’re feeling cute 😌 might delete later idk. Complimenting others as well, you could crave positive attention & recognition.

The tarot cards show you already know what to do and just need confirmation that it’s attainable or real. It is. Actualization & Patience show you getting what you want eventually. More money, more respect, more genuine love and appreciation, more attraction, all of it. But it first comes with loving yourself, teaching others to love you by setting the example. And don’t let others have the power to take that away. So they don’t like lavender. You do. I guess they better go sit over there then. For that example it’s like you can smile sweetly & confidently, and if others don’t like it THEY can move. Not you. Apply that to everything ❤️ First process your wounds emotionally, feel your feelings & why you feel this way…then do something fun about it. Play with your looks. Experiment. Work out. Eat kale. Drink wine. And finding others like you would work wonders for your self esteem…Saturn Libra needs friends. People. Even one person that supports you is worth all the weight in gold…maybe they like lavender and wine too 🍷

As for money, if that’s the whole issue, it’s being shown as “it’s coming be patient.” You’re right where you’re supposed to be. Ace of Swords can be like a sudden wake-up call or realization, if you’re wanting to make money from something else that’s not your job, like a creative venture, that’s being supported too. You already know what to do, your intuition has told you. All of you. This is confirmation. Some of you can and will transmute your pain or old wounds into money somehow - which is amazing. You didn’t have a real home as a kid, and now you sell homes for a living. Or you’ve always been made fun of for art, now you’re working for a tv station creating cartoons every day. It’s coming & you already know. Or you’ve been told forever and you’ve just ignored Spirit but they’re saying they’ve already told you, maybe in a dream, and have sent messages to you with The High Priestess rev. You may have ignored them or brushed them off. Ace of Swords could be whatever you’re thinking of when I say that, whatever you’ve been thinking of the whole reading, it’s like a light bulb💡and you can see it clearly now.

Pile 6: Black 🖤

JUPITER - CAPRICORN - 5TH HOUSE

- Learn or teach your goals with the trust of a child.

- Be positive about the day-to-day reality of fun, romance, and art.

- Grow and expand, use the most businesslike way and - do it dramatically.

I thought 4 was the most popular, and it’s now the other one, but I stand corrected. That’s the whole point for some of you - what’s coming is better than it was or what it currently is. Yes, you’ve been heard. Yes, you’ll win. Yes, you’ll get everything you’re working so hard for. No, it’s not all for nothing. No, you shouldn’t give up on what you’re doing right now, what you’ve been working towards - because you wouldn’t be on that path if you weren’t supposed to be. And you’d have picked something else, like 4. If you picked 4 first, this is the response to whatever you felt or were thinking of from that. Yes 🙌 You’re on the right track.

Heavy heavy Capricorn & earth energy here, in literal signs, plus the most beautiful Queen of Pentacles card I’ve ever seen, and Karma at the bottom of the oracles. This is The Literary Tarot and here she is a beautiful & successful goddess in a fancy gown with feathers, on some kind of throne, very regal - you’ve got this. Doesn’t have to be your sign, it’s your dream, or who you are whether you’ve accomplished this dream or not. But will you? Yessss.

Wedding Rings shows love or marriage, kids with 5th House, that whole dream. Yes! Coffee Cup shows good times with friends, feeling joyful, meeting good people. Yes! Capricorn with 5th shows wanting to create a job or financial opportunity from something you love, or loving what you do, my entrepreneurs here. Yes! Especially working with children, if that’s something you do it’s like Spirit is giving you a big hug, someone here works with kids in rough situations or that’s their goal - big yes! 👏

Queen of Pentacles, 2 Wands, 4 Swords. You’ve gone so far already, you’re now at another crossroads - many of you. Should you take the path of the heart - 5th House. Whatever that is for you specifically. Yes 👏 Is all your hard work paying off? Yes! Will your efforts turn into financial blessings? Yes! Capricorn is often a “no” kind of sign and this whole reading is “yes”. Do you believe it? You should, but you’re also in charge of making it happen. The Sun at the bottom shows whatever you clicked on this hoping to see, wondering if you’ve been heard or if it’s even known by Spirit what you want - yes! The only thing you shouldn’t do is quit, or give up.

The advice is to Push for more Insight before you Evolve. Learn about the things you want to do, feel more confident and prepared, do it with intention & knowledge, and watch it grow into something you love - 5th House. Some of you are getting back in touch with your inner child and will expand beyond your current circumstances, perspectives, and life generally - all positive things. The Sun is the happiest card in the whole deck; recognition, achievement, joy & happiness, light shining through any darkness/confusion/fear that existed before - all for the better ☀️ This whole pile is simply for Spirit to confirm what you already know - and it be deeply personalized despite being so general. Yes 👏 Transformation at the bottom, big changes, and every card is here positive & wholesome. If it hasn’t happened yet, it will eventually, just enjoy the ride.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Poseidon

Fishy fishy fishy… I honestly could write 100 more things for Poseidon MC and Levi. I just love the dynamic between an insecure, otaku shut-in and a chill California surfer dead set on becoming his friend.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2, Poseidon 

For anyone unaware, Poseidon is also the god of horses. I know it's a weird combo, but I didn't write the mythos.

Lucifer

…..

They came out of the portal….

On a horse….

They brought the mortal down to the Devildom…

On a goddamn horse….

There's a demigod on a live horse brandishing a weapon and doing laps around the Student Council Room…

Congratulations, he already wants to pull his hair out!!

Honestly, it would have been preferable to pluck them out of the sea. At least then they'd just need a towel! What the hell were they going to do with an entire horse!?

And his nightmare didn't stop there. Poseidon is a notoriously mercurial god, prone to bouts of anger and spitefulness for reasons far less grievous than kidnapping his children… 

Their apology was swift and (seemingly) effective, though the tide waters around the Devildom did rise by several feet for some time…

As for the MC… uh… Well, they're an energetic one to say the least…

Lucifer hasn't met a more active individual since Mammon. They horseback ride, swim, surf, skateboard, and probably do ten other things - the point is, they Hardly. Keep. Still! 

They're also annoyingly easygoing… He can't count the number of times they've told him to, "Just chill out," or, "Hang loose…" What does that even mean??

Between having to order a stable made for their horse and just trying to keep up with them, Lucifer already thinks this mortal has caused him more trouble than they're worth… At least they keep Mammon busy...

Mammon

Upon first meeting them atop their horse, Sunset, his first thought was of course:

"I wonder if I sell that...?"

After that, they nearly fed him to sharks for trying to take their beloved steed on same night. Safe to say, he never touched a hair on its head again…

These two had a rocky start, but their relationship mended fairly quickly. As it turns out, the MC is literally one of those "go with the flow" types. You can say it was water under the bridge soon enough.

Mammon actually thinks the MC is a hell of a lot of fun, even if they're super laid-back. Most of the time, they won’t take his drive for money (or fear of his bills) all that seriously and tell him that he’s worrying too much, but they’ll still lend a hand if its on their way.

He finds their ability to control water pretty cool as well. Levi has it to some extent, but the MC can make a whole-ass whirlpool or use water like a whip! 

He once begged them to call up some rare fish for him to sell, but they got all pseudo-philosophical on him about how “trading life for material wealth” is “not cool, dude...”

He also made the mistake of challenging them to a splash fight only once…. They managed to drench the whole family with a single wave….

The only thing that bothers him is their weird insistence on being Levi's "Best Buddy…" Why would someone like them even bother with a shut in??

Is it the water? … Probably water. Levi, that lucky bastard…

Leviathan 

Thinks they're a big normie, no scratch that, a HUGE normie! The biggest normie he's ever met!! They skateboard and horseback ride for Devil's sake!!

...But they’re also, undoubtedly, the best friend he could've ever asked for.

To be fair to Levi, their friendship was sort of forced upon him. The MC took one look at him, his aquatic-themed room, and his pet goldfish then declared their new friendship status at that moment. 

Unfortunately for him, though, they're energetic, extroverted, and generally have little understanding of personal space… aka, an introvert's worst nightmare…

The next month could accurately be described as the MC doing everything in their power to make their stubborn "senpai" like them.

They would drag him out to the aquarium, beach, or pool; they befriended Henry so he could put in a good word for them; and they'd even bring him little gifts or trinkets they'd find on the ocean floor. Pretty shells and stuff like a cat bringing its master a dead mouse.

After he finally began to accept them as a persistent fixture in his life, he introduced them to gaming and anime and started accepting them little by little...

By the end of their stay, these two were practically inseparable. Not just because they like spending time together, but because they figured out they could have a telepathic link due to Levi being part sea serpent. 

No matter how far they are, they can always have a chat! (That no one else can hear so people think they’re just crazy...)

Satan

Satan honestly isn't the MC's biggest fan, he generally finds them too loud and gregarious for his liking. But their horse…?

He never really thought that he'd be a horse man... Yet it didn’t really take long for Satan to adore Sunset, their beautiful golden-maned mare. Apparently she's not their only horse, but by far their favorite traveling companion.

Sunset is a wonderful horse - brave, strong, and well-trained. It only took a few weeks before he was regularly sneaking out to the stables to brush her fur or feed her apples...

After the MC taught him how to ride, that was it. All other forms of transportation were inferior to him now.

Satan would ride Sunset everywhere and he looked damn good doing it! It takes all that fairytale Prince Charming thing he has going on and puts it through the roof.

It's a good thing too, because when I say everywhere, I do mean everywhere. Lucifer had to put seals on the House doors to keep Satan from riding Sunset through the hallways...

Of course, he’ll always let the MC have Sunset back when they need her!... with a little complaining but nothing terrible.

The MC doesn't mind much because Sunset likes him and they know he takes good care of her, but the rest of the House is slightly unnerved at how quickly he went horse crazy… What if they brought a giant crab instead?? No one wants to deal with crab-Satan...

Asmodeus 

Their body is just scrumptious. Oh, how he could look at their swimsuit-clad figure all day!! 😩

Between the swimming and the fighting, their form is toned to all hell and he can't get enough of it! Yes baby, yes!! Take those clothes off again!!! He'll help~! 😘

When he's not staring at them “totally respectfully,” then he's inviting them out to pool parties or begging them to take him riding...

There are parts of horseback riding he doesn’t like, the smell and the jostling specifically, but there is a kind of… romance to it, no?

He loves having the chance to snuggle up to the MC as they trot around the Devildom! It's so romantic, like they’re his knight in shining armor! (Or his demigod in a damp swimsuit, either works. 😏)

His Devilgram is just full of selfies of him and MC riding on the back of Sunset or sitting by the edge of the pool or them in the middle of a swim meet…

Yeah his Devilgram is now a one part him and one part MC-Appreciation account.

After the pact he'll eventually cool down some and stop staring at them like a sex-object, but even then he'll be at every swim meet. Don't you worry~

Beelzebub 

He actually really likes them! It's great to finally have another athlete in the House. 😊

The MC joined the RAD swim team just as soon the coach was able to convince Diavolo that having the child of a water god wasn't completely cheating... 

Since swim and fangol practice ends at about the same time, they walk home together a lot and complain about... sports things... (Forgive me, I don’t know sports. Uhm... Rival teams? Coaches? That one drill everyone hates? Stuff like that.)

Beel also can surf, skate, and snowboard so the two have a healthy competition going. They're about on equal footing so they tie often (except in surfing but Beel doesn't think that should count cause they’re probably cheating).

The only thing that he has to watch out for is Sunset… As in, he has to watch himself around Sunset because he absolutely could eat her on accident… 

Look, he doesn't want to and he doesn't even like horse meat that much, but even he has to admit there are times he gets hungry enough to consider it…

Of course, he knows that if he ever did Satan would rip him limb from limb then the MC would drown the rest so he really, really tries to control himself… but still… She’s a very healthy horse...

At least he didn’t try to sell her like Mammon. The MC hung him over a shark tank for that stunt… He’d feel bad, but Mammon kind of had it coming.

Belphegor 

The first time they met, the MC smelled like beach water and called him "dude-bro…" He didn't like his prospects.

For a while, he genuinely thought that they had a lump of sand where their brain was. They were just too chill!! Here he was saying that he's being held captive and they were like, "Well that sucks, man… I'll help ya, but I've got practice tomorrow. You can wait, right?"

It's not like he expected them to jump on top of it, but some urgency would have been nice…

When they eventually got around to helping him, he was actually looking forward to choking the life out of them for the extra wait. Unfortunately, they apparently had a horse…

Yeah, Belphie found out just a bit too late that the MC could summon their steed to them whenever they wanted and ended up with Sunset's hooves firmly bucking into his back for his trouble…

What followed was Belphegor running circles around the attic from the weapon-totting MC riding their terrifying murder horse until Lucifer finally intervened....

Thank the gods he wasn’t near any water….

As it would turn out later, as long as he's not being held captive in an attic Belphie kind of vibes with their laid-backness… They say they approach life "one wave at a time" or something.

He could care less about what that actually means, but what it translates to is "Stop stressing out and just keep chill" which he's all about.

Everybody should just chill out!... dude…. Nah, he'll let them stick to the “dude”-thing, it feels weird...

[obeymeluv]

The Bros as Dads

PSA: The boys would be very attractive dads (emotionally and physically). That is all.

Note: the headcanon also includes genders for the kids. I can see some of them having sons, and others having daughters. And, obviously, everyone is older (20′s-ish).

Lucifer

Takes a while to process the news. It’s kind of a big thing. His love life was something of a roller coaster (or nonexistent) until you. The ‘L’ word was a hurdle, now there’s a B word and a P word?!

When his brain realizes what you’ve said or if you show him some proof, the pride takes over FULL SWING (you can feel it explode in him, like his aura) and he purrs

You are truly his stars, his moon, and the heavens he so dearly misses

There’s this raw, vulnerable love in Lucifer’s eyes and it pretty much awes everyone because he’s usually so proper and reserved

The memories are old and dusty but Lucifer’s parenting instincts are strong

A type-A, fussy person. You may have 7 months left before you give birth, but the house will be spotless and perfectly proofed before you hit bed rest

Piles of parenting books suddenly sprout around the house. No one’s sure where they came from or how there’s even that many WRITTEN about parenting.

You and the child become his world. You’re his kryptonite, the only thing to convince him away from long hours or break him out of sour moods

Lucifer is very stressed, more than he thought he’d be, because you’re carrying his child and he worries for your health.

He’s with you every step of the way, from appointments to birth

He’d absolutely drop everything to tend to your needs, or appoint one of the brothers if he couldn’t.

Likes to busy himself with making a nursery and is actually good at themes/interior decorating

Has a tiny desk built in his study. The child won’t be able to join him for a while, but the idea of his tiny joy working on something beside him warms his heart

Hunts down obscure herbs and items from folklore that are supposed to bless pregnancies or benefit the unborn. Turns out he’s really nervous and superstitious.

Lucifer is the worst when it comes to shopping because his pride outweighs his logical restraint. If he convinces himself IN THE SLIGHTEST that his child would look good in something or the nursery could really use an item, it’s coming to the House of Lamentation

He ugly cries when he realizes you’re having a girl because he feels like Lilith has been given back to him.

Refuses to name his child Lilith because of everything that happened. Can’t settle for anything close to her name or any nicknames they gave her.

Makes you a sleeping space in his study. Loves to take breaks to watch you sleep. Unintentionally takes a break to kiss your stomach and talk to the baby.

Firm believer in ‘in the belly’ enrichment so you’ll have music playing and Lucifer will read to them all the time.

If the baby’s not with you, she’s with him. Lucifer has definitely shown up to a meeting with Lord Diavolo with his baby in a chest carrier. The meeting went flat because Diavolo wanted to play with the baby.

He’s the type of dad that demands total silence when the baby’s sleeping. Might have tied up some of his brothers to achieve it.

He’s not a total hard-ass (this kid has made a sucker out of him, okay?) but his kid will definitely have manners and knows to help clean up.

The type to take naps with his kid. He’ll get up at 2 in the morning and climb into their crib if they’re fussy.

Lucifer spent so much of his life being the primary caretaker for his bros that he forgets he’s not alone this time. When you push him back down so he can sleep, and tend to your daughter, his heart almost bursts with love.

On the fence about another child. The kid’s going to have pride in spades and he thinks a sibling will humble them (and make them less lonely). He’s also afraid of that prideful wrath and doesn’t want two prideful little demons always fighting

Isn’t the best with dressing up his kid but likes to give them fancy shoes. The shoes are always on point even if the rest of the outfit is a disaster.

Is 100% ready to receive any and everything “#1 Dad” because he IS, DAMN IT. He’ll use it regularly, too.

Mammon

He’s freaking out hardcore (”You sure? Really, really sure? Maybe you just have gas or something. Y-yeah!”)

Doesn’t believe it until he sees a test. Promptly faints. Dead-ass faints as soon as he sees it.

Kind of remembers it when he wakes up, and you have to remind him again.

This time he’s pretty excited because THE GREAT MAMMON will be having a child. WHAT A GIFT, RIGHT? THE BEST GIFT!

All the magazines are snapping up this gossip and, for once in his life, he puts the earnings away. Kid has a nice fund going before they’re even born.

His schedule is 50% work, 50% family because YOUR MAIN MAN HAS TO BE THERE. Work just pays the bills and pads the nursery account, okay?

The Devildom has something similar to a baby shower and Mammon puts all KINDS of high-dollar shit on there. His baby’s going to be stylin’, okay?

Some crying in front of others, but an entirely different kind of crying behind closed doors. Vulnerable, grateful crying about being loved and having a tiny someone who will love him, too

Pays someone to explain baby stuff to him. How to change them, feed them, what type of breathing you should be doing. It surprised his bros because Lucifer could just give him that info. The fact that Mammon paid for it means he’s pretty serious about learning.

Gets tons of free maternity photos because all his magazines want the scoop. He gets to pamper you and see you all dressed up and beautiful and EVERY magazine has a shot of him crying like a proud sap.

Mammon hoards all of those pictures. Has a pile of them in his room, totally separate from everything else.

Has a lot of nervous energy and can get frustrated with all the baby books, so he distracts himself with scrap-booking. Surprisingly good at it.

Mammon thinks you’re just the most beautiful thing ever. He loves taking pictures of you. Wants the kid to have no doubts about how much he loves them and their parent.

He’s so lovesick. When you sleep or hug your belly or just touch it he melts.

Stacks Grimm on your belly when you sleep. Thinks it’s fun. Likes to record how big the towers get.

Not the best at getting up for your random-hour cravings and has definitely made you cry with his bluntness. When he’s more awake he’ll apologize and you guys will work it out.

When he finds out he’s having a little boy, the bros throw a party. Mammon gets semi-drunk and has a huge, ass-chewing lecture about how the bros made him feel for centuries and how they better not say ANYTHING like that to his kid.

You shot down any and all attempts to name the kid anything money related.

Almost passed out when you had the baby.

Cried when he first held him. Calls him Mamm-mini.

Totally planning the baby’s first photo shoot. Has people on standby to make matching outfits.

He now has a partner in crime and the kid can charm the pants off of anyone!

Mammon is 100% devoted to this kid and he secretly hopes he’s the favorite parent.

Lives for any second of bonding he can get. NEEDS IT TO LIVE. 100% a sappy dad.

The most supportive dad, always saying nice things because he knows people didn’t always say nice things about him.

Levi

Brain stops working. You almost think you’ve given him a heart attack

Levi feels you take the controller from his hand and instantly has to fill it with something else, taking yours. He looks at you and asks you again if you’re sure.

He can see it in your eyes and he just crows. He doesn’t know if he’s excited or scared but he made the noise.

Worries A LOT about the idea of becoming a father. Can gross otakus be good fathers? How does he dad?

Gets pre-stressed about social interactions. Kids have to go to school and have play-dates and Levi’s going to have to talk to people...ugh! Gross!

Definitely has a few break-downs (feelings of inadequacy, etc.) before Lucifer or Satan comfort him. He’s better than he thinks, just insecure. Everyone learns as they go. They have classes (”They’re like cheat codes, Levi.”) and it makes him feel better

His gaming friends send their congratulations and he gets lots of themed blankets and onesies.

Wants you to have a water birth because the water is his child’s calling. Really attached to the idea.

He’s constantly looking up guides to baby-proofing, double- and triple-checking safety specs of anything before buying it.

Spends HOURS scouring Akuzon, comparing brands, and reading reviews for everything.

Akuzon noticed he was buying lots of baby books and looking at baby-related things so they sent him a onesie.

You get a lovely beach/water-themed maternity shoot and Levi is so love-struck he gets a nosebleed. Once he’s cleaned up it makes a darling photo shoot.  

Has already made lists of anime for the kid to watch. Some are his favorite, some are for the lessons and moments that stuck with him

Asmo messaged TSL on the down-low and Levi got some quality kid-sized merch.

Tries to get you to name the baby Henry if it’s a boy. When he finds out it’s a girl, he pushes for Henrietta.

Reads TSL to the baby and plays ocean sounds.

As you get further along in your pregnancy, he buys a fridge for his room and stocks it with your favorite cold stuff. Any snack foods are just added to his stash.

You are absolutely worshipped. Craving something? Akuzon has it and the fastest pig is on it’s way. Your feet hurt? Try a water bath!

You’re his Player 2 now and forever (always have been), and he’s keeping you in perfect health.

Probably keeps a video journal for the kid or of the two of you during your pregnancy. Big on preserving stuff digitally.

Probably makes a game for his kid just because. They’ll be able to play it when they’re older.

Bought a ton of Magical Girl-style hairbows and things for when their hair grows in. His daughter’s a fucking princess, okay?

Belphegor bought the baby a goldfish onesie and Levi loves it to pieces.

Bought the baby a seashell bassinet and rocks them to sleep with his tail.

Levi has a bad sleep schedule and wakes easily, so he’s usually the first one to get up and handle the baby.

He has this complex about being a good dad. People can call him a weird, gross otaku but they’re ALSO going to mention how good of a dad he is!

Super affectionate with his kid in a quiet, whispering, mumbling way. Just thinks they’re the best thing.

Having a daughter really makes him rethink some of the ways he viewed anime characters and made him super critical. If his daughter ends up liking anime he’ll make it very clear what he thinks and how she shouldn’t let other people treat her like an object. 

His demon form gets triggered REALLY EASILY if his bros hold her for too long. THAT’S HIS BABY, THANK YOU!

Satan

Secretly hoped to be a father one day. Wanted to prove so badly that he could be one, and move past the constant fear of his temper looming over him. He didn’t want wrath to be his only legacy.

Can’t manage more than a genuine smile and a lilting laugh when you tell him, but he’s literally almost sick with joy. He’s just not the type to jump from the rooftops or anything

Asmodeus and Mammon convince him into drinking because he needs to let loose and really show it!

Satan ends up drunk-stumbling to Lucifer and plunking his head into his chest and crying. He’s crying because he’s happy and mumbling something about ‘granddad’. When his tears dry he’s happy as can be, smugly calls Lucifer an ‘old fuck’ and promptly throws up.

They’re past most of their bad blood but even Lucifer wasn’t surprised Satan never got EVERYTHING out of his system. A lot of his childhood memories are tainted with pure wrath instead of coming into his cardinal sin through some other mean. Or naturally, like puberty.

Between his personal research and Lucifer’s expertise, the baby-proofing is totally covered.

His book binges are strictly about pregnancies, suspicions, rituals, parenting, and anything he can think of that has to do with kids.

He’s big on teas and brews that are supposed to help with pregnancies and pains. Uses his many connections to get ingredients for said teas

Reads the classics and big epics to his unborn child.

Buys you some Hellcats for protection. They’re fiercely loyal, so he’ll know you’re safe.

He’d be the type to nag you about your diet, but not to be mean. He’d support it with this absolute WALL of evidence that turns into a lecture that could last for hours.

Has to fight the Hellcats to sit next to you or touch your belly a lot more than he thought he would. He’d never say it out loud, but he’s starting to hate the cats (he doesn’t mean it though).

Starts cleaning up his book piles a lot more. The baby would get hurt if the stacks fell on them. His room becomes virtually spotless.

You pick books to read together. You end up reading Satan to sleep, too. He keeps a hand on your belly.

Gets nervous about you wanting to go out, and basically tries to keep you in the House of Lamentation. Relents a little because hormones make you scary. He was basically afraid of nothing because the walks were fine.

You like to sit in the Devildom gardens and he thinks you look picturesque and wonderful. It takes his breath away.

Asmodeus is your personal photographer because Satan doesn’t think anyone else will do you justice.

Finds out you’re having boy-girl twins and totally shuts down. What does he say? How does he respond? BELPHIE OR BEEL WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWINS! WHY HIM?!

Lucifer is BEYOND amused. This is definitely payback for everything Satan did in his childhood (so the saying goes).

It doesn’t bother him as much when he starts buying smart little cardigans, button-ups, ribbons, and bowties. He’s actually quite happy.

The Hellcats act weird and tip him off to your contractions before your water breaks. Satan gets you to the hospital and helps you give birth. The twins grow to look more like him than you, but if someone mistakes you for the nanny or says something derogatory, he’s pulling two ferocious kids off an idiot

Satan was afraid he’d be a short fuse, but he becomes the parent that explains everything to death (for better or worse). The kids will get a lecture when they’re bad, when the ask ‘why’ to something, he’ll explain why he gave the punishment he did, and be very clear with anything.

Asmodeus

Quickly falls in love with the idea of you being pregnant. It’s the best! Proof of his truest love, the thing that makes his heart beat!

He loved you to pieces before you were pregnant, and loves you even more now (if that’s possible).

Always wants to be with you, smothering your belly with kisses and touches and looking at it like it’s the next greatest love of his life

Takes names very seriously. “My child is a gift unto this world. People will know their name, so it has to be a good one!”

Gets really wrapped up in decor and aesthetic. He’d be a one-man force for all of it if you didn’t tell him to stop and breathe! Asmodeus just has lots of ideas, okay?

Has a really hard time understanding the value of baby-proofing until Satan smushes a few of his lipsticks in his hand and knocks around some finishing powder (”Now imagine that. All the time. With anything you love.”). 

Hires someone to baby-proof the room because that’s just not his thing. He’ll handle securing the valuables, okay?

Constantly reading about beauty rituals and things to do for his pregnant wife. She’s doing something really hard and deserves to be pampered!

You’ll constantly be pampered or trying ‘this and that’ because he read it was good for the baby. Good for beauty, good for health, etc.

Has a pretty decent diet, himself, and keeps you on yours.

You definitely have pregnancy sex a few times. Anything he can do to help you out, you know?

Asmodeus ADORES watching you grow round with his child and LIVES for helping you take care of yourself. He’ll let you lounge in his fantastic tub and has no issues sitting on the floor and doing your toes

Picks out all your outfits. Wants you to look your best! Don’t worry, you’ll be comfy!

When he finds out you’re having a girl he cries. A lot.

SO MANY BABY UPDATE BROADCASTS ON DEVILGRAM! There is an official ‘baby watch’. It’s trending more than you thought it would.

Takes TONS of videos.

His baby is easily the most fashionable child in all of Devildom.

Takes really candid, private photos that have a lot of sentimental value. A lot of your pregnancy photos are you looking comfy in bed or sitting at a vanity in breezy clothes as he does your makeup.

The type of dad to sit down in the middle of the store to play with toys (are they good enough for his kid? Like, really?). Must feel everything before he buys it. If he doesn’t like how it feels, he won’t buy it.

You end up giving birth earlier than planned and Asmo almost throws up because birth doesn’t look like he thought it would

Super nervous during your pregnancy because you’re in pain and there’s lots of noises.

Busies himself doing your makeup because that’s the only way he can handle the situation. You’re holding his tail and he SWEARS you’re going to break it off!

The bros help deliver his little angel and Asmo is SMITTEN. ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN.

Holding his baby 24/7.

Loses sleep just because he watches them sleep. Sometimes he loses sleep for real because DAMN, babies don’t sleep a lot, do they?

It’s really hard to adjust to and he’s surprised his skin isn’t god-awful.

Doesn’t regret a thing, fawning over their tiny nails and little curls, and OMG EVERYTHING! Cries a lot because they’re just perfect

His wardrobe reflects his dad status but he still looks like a DILF. You can give him the most classic dad attire and it just looks good on him.

Beelzebub

He’s excited about your pregnancy. Boy honestly tried for it, you know? Studied positions and everything.

Beelzebub has so much love and the idea of holding a tiny someone just warms his heart

Everything kid-related is totally foreign to him except for how to act with them. He and Belphie were the youngest so he was used to being taken care of until he got old enough to climb and eat on his own.

The type of guy to need explicit, step-by-step instructions on EVERYTHING. He doesn’t have a brain for it like Satan or Lucifer, so he needs help

Seriously. Give him a checklist for baby-proofing and he’ll get it done.

Gets pretty down about not being able to cuddle and snuggle like normal, but he’ll look into safe ways to do so.

Has special snuggles with the baby. Kisses your belly and rubs it. Talks to your baby like the little demon it is (even if it doesn’t have a name yet).

Lives for the times you talk to the baby, talk yourself out of bed, or how you absently talk to your belly throughout the day.

Works out to deal with stress and nerves, but also because he wants to be a good, strong dad

The doctors give him a list of exercises you can do and he does them with you

Can’t really take the nutrition advice seriously. He eats pretty much everything and you probably will, too.

When people ask him about your pregnancy, he uses very inclusive language (”We’re expecting, etc.”)

You make mini-dates out of your late-night cravings. Beel is totally in love with it.

Beelzebub becomes your food finder. There’s been times where you look at him so cutely, so imploringly, and all you can manage is ‘spicy and crunchy’. He’ll find you something, don’t worry! He’s an expert!

Big on massages and cuddling. Likes to cup his hands over your belly and trace it.

The type of dad to gain weight with you as your pregnancy moves along. Becomes soft, strong dad.

Finds out you’re having twin boys and has the happiest crying session ever. Belphie is the first to know and all Beel can say is ‘Just like us!’ as he nearly crushes his twin to death.

Likes to dress them in cute and comfy clothes. Animal onesies? Yes!

At some point yours twins are going to look like hotdogs and hamburgers. There’s no shortage of food costumes thanks to Levi, Asmo, and Beel.

Suspicious about baby food, bugs Satan about how nutritious it is, and tries all of it just to be sure.

Some of their teething toys look like real food. Beelzebub ate one on accident.

Is a perfect gentle giant. Afraid of hurting them, for they are tiny and precious, but gets over that pretty quickly.

Always wants to cuddle and hold them. You have to make him leave them alone to sleep. Gets kind of sad when they’re napping because he can’t make faces at them or hear them laugh. Right back to his usual self when they wake up, though.

You best believe they learn their alphabet by studying food. Beelzebub will stand in the kitchen and dig through the pantry until he finds things that match the letters of the alphabet 

Belphegor

He’s kind of surprised you ended up pregnant because the sex is usually lazy and casual. Yes, he has the moments where it’s pretty hardcore, but...wow. For some reason, he just didn’t see you getting pregnant.

Secretly hopes you have more than one kid. Something in him would just be happy if there’s more than one kid. You think it comes from the time he spent alone in the attic but never say it.

Sleeps a lot more. Not out of avoidance or anything, but because naps will be rare in the future. He likes to think he’s stockpiling sleep.

Makes sure you’re comfy at all times.

Would love for you to sleep and be cozy but apparently that’s not healthy for humans, so he takes easy walks around the house and keeps you semi-active.

He’ll give you his cow pillow to use as a back pillow. It’s his way of letting the baby use it until he can share it with them.

Listens to a lot of audiotapes about parenting. Looks at books, too, but does better with audio. 

Reads a new bedtime story to your kid every night.

Sometimes you guys sleep in the star room so he can talk to them about constellations. They can’t see anything, of course, but he still goes into detail.

Isn’t much of a picture person and doesn’t see the point in taking maternity pictures. It’s actually because Belphie has a photographic memory so he remembers everything.

The bros force him into taking maternity pictures.

The type to journal everything. He writes a big-ass, super-detailed diary for the baby.

Is kind of worried about his temperament, so he’ll take some classes on how to handle stress and stuff before the babies arrive

Becomes King of Lists. There’s lists for everything. Lists help. Lists are good.

When he finds out you’re having triplets (a boy and two girls), he doesn’t know how to react. You saw him smile though. It doesn’t sink in until you’re hugging him. “I’m never sleeping again,” he realizes with absolute terror.

Beelzebub is super excited. “That’s twins plus a bonus!”

Very snobby about the nursery decor. Also very tactile like Asmodeus. If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not going in the nursery.

Wants a barn-themed nursery (to include as many cow-related things as possible)

You get the comfiest PJs.

With three kids, he lives by embroidery. He has to have a way to tell them apart, after all (the girls, at least).

Can’t hoard the babies but wants to. Hates that he doesn’t have enough arms to hold them all at the same time.

Is very interested by their tendency to hold each other and nap together. Finds it super adorable.

Makes a super-sized crib he can climb in and sleep with them. It’s basically a Belphie-sized bed with little attachments his kids sleep in. Separates them all just enough so he doesn’t worry about hurting them, but there’s still contact

Thanks whatever god exists that they mostly stay on a schedule together. Makes it stressful for changing diapers, but very fun to feed them.

Almost dies laughing when Lucifer holds them for the first time because one vomited on him, the other sneezed in his face, and one pooped so much it got on his pants leg.

Lulls them to sleep with his happy purr, and gets woken up from a dead sleep by pure love when they make the sound back. Suddenly there’s three chirpy purrs rolling against him and he’s in love.

Proud they love their mama so much (to the point of being TOTAL mama’s kids), but also kind of relieved he can breathe.

The three trade off occasionally when they realize he’s free real estate and come to him for snuggles. They all love him so he doesn’t mind.

This house supports cuddle piles! Belphie got them hooked on group naps for a young age and they sleep together now. 

Hope you liked it :)

[theskzvibe]

MIXED UP JAKE SIM

CHAPTER 3

the next day, you and Giselle followed your normal routine, saying bye to sunoo by the lockers, and making your way into your physics classroom. “im so excited for this new hip hop routine. like the parts jungwon added are so good, im glad he joined the team.” Giselle said while sitting down. “yeah hes talented for sure, and he’s sweet.” you took out your books. “yeah, I definitely want to have a grandson like him one day” Giselle said making you laugh. later than usual, Jake arrives, but with sunghoon by his side. you looked up at sunghoon and quickly looked away, trying not to get caught staring. “oh hey yn! after sports and clubs today is still good right?” Jake said while sitting down in his usual seat behind you. all you could do was quickly mutter a “huh?” making Jake look amused. “you know we were going to study physics?” he tilted his head to the side, and you nodded remembering your plans. “bestie you seriously got the memory of a goldfish” giselle said making you scoff. “but um yeah that works, thanks again.” you looked at the boys. “of course. we can meet outside the gym around 4″ Jake said, and you nodded in return. the bell rang and your teacher made his way up to the board, “good morning class, tomorrow we are going to have a unit test.” everyone groaned, but you heard sunghoon behind you quietly say a sarcastic “yay” making you chuckle. 

---

once dance practice has ended, everyone started to pack up their things and grab their bags. “ready for your little study date?” Giselle asked while nudging your shoulder. “its not really a date because we will be cram studying for the test, plus Jake will be there.” you said as you walked towards sunoo. “what are you guys talking about.” sunoo asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder. “Jake invited me to study with him and sunghoon today for our physics class.” “I wish I could join, I need brain whiz jakes help too, but of course niki is forcing me to drive him to the store to pick up his new cleats.” Giselle rolled her eyes. “wait jake sim is going to tutor you today for physics?” jungwon walked up to you guys with seeun by his side. “yeah that class is so confusing, so he invited me to study with him and sunghoon today.” you took out your phone to text Jake that you are heading towards the gym now, and seeun perked up. “would it be okay if I joined? im so lost in physics too right now, and I heard that Jake is the head of our class.” jungwon pleaded. “y/n would it be okay for me to come too?” seeun asked. being too nice you nodded, “I guess that would be fine yeah.” I mean its not a date right? 

sunoo and giselle left you and jungwon and seeun to walk towards the gym. jake and sunghoon were already standing by the gym waiting for you. “oh y/n’s here!” jake said to sunghoon while waving to you. “hey guys, is it okay if jungwon and seeun join us?” you motioned towards the two trailing behind you.  “of course” sunghoon said and seeun flashed him a big smile in return making you a little jealous. “lets go to the cafe near the school and study there.” Jake said leading everyone out and towards the small cafe. “I cant believe we already have a unit test when mr.kim gave us the notes a day ago” jungwon said in disbelief. “that dudes a nut bag” you bluntly said making everyone laugh. “he is! and he makes us sit far apart when we take tests, so I cant even cheat off of Jake” sunghoon shook his head, and Jake just laughed. 

at the cafe, you all sat down at a small table and set up your notes. “do you guys want anything?” Jake asked standing up. “yeah, ill come with you.” you were about to get up when Jake stopped you. “no tell me your order, don't worry its on me” Jake smiled. “no no no Jake you’re already tutoring us, we can’t have you pay for us” you argued. “its okay seriously I want to, please tell me what you want.” “nothing i’m good.” you were being stubborn making Jake laugh. “you love iced americanos don't you? i’ll get you one. does anyone else want anything?” Jake said. “yeah can I have a latte. oh and a scone!” sunghoon  commented. “would you like the whole menu then?” Jake joked. “hey when you’re paying, I have to take advantage of it.” sunghoon shrugged. seeun and jungwon told Jake their orders as well and he went to go order. “that's a lot of orders, I feel bad.” you uttered to the others. “well him and I study together every week, and we normally take turns paying. but he paid last time, but I guess he forgot so shhh” sunghoon put his finger to his mouth and pretended like it was a big secret making you laugh. Jake quickly came back with the drinks and everyone thanked him and offered to pay him but he denied. “okay where do you guys wanna start?” Jake questioned while opening his book. “um i’m so lost with this equation. like in what situation do we even use it?” you pointed to the so called equation, and Jake leaned over your shoulder to look. he explained the use of the equation, and it actually started to make sense. “Jake you should teach the class” jungwon voiced making Jake chuckle. you noticed that sunghoon wasn't bad at physics either, or he just must have known more that seeun because she kept asking him to explain things from the unit. just seeing them so close made you blood boil a bit. “hey y/n, wanna do the homework together?” Jake asked seeming as though jungwon was writing flashcards and seeun was drilling sunghoon with questions. “sure.” you and Jake did all of the homework together, and he explained things that previously confused you. you both joked around and came up with funny inside jokes to memorize the terms. you must have laughed over 100 times, and time flew as 2 hours passed in the cafe. “we should probably get going, before my mom puts out a missing childs report for me” jungwon comments. everyone agreed and got up and packed up. Jake of course held the door for you like he always does and walked you to your car in the parking lot. driving home, you couldn't stop thinking about hoe seeun kept flirting with sunghoon. but you didn't pay much attention to them as you actually had a lot of fun studying with Jake.

MIXED UP MASTER LIST

chapter 2 - chapter 4

taglist: @zylenes

[the-most-powerful-ruler]

More psychonauts headcannons that I wanted to share

Possible spoilers and trigger warnings ahead

Some of these are things I forgot to mention in the first one.

Augustus was really hurt when he learned what Raz's nightmares were about, and he was 7 when he started having those dreams.

Raz learned what a lobotomy was when he overheard a couple (Loboto's parents) talking about him behind his back at the park, saying that he's another monster and that his parents should probably consider seeing if they could Lobotomize him. Then Raz asked them, and they didn't hesitate to tell him in horrible detail.

Raz and Loboto both really like the song Closing Time by Semisonic.

Raz started having those lobotomy nightmares again after the rhombus of ruin (give ya 3 guesses on why and the first 2 don't count.)

When the nightmares aren't bad enough to go behind bars, they work as actors in the bad dreams of whoever's mind they're in, like a movie.

Sasha has this recurring nightmare where he's in a normal place like down the street or in a coffee shop, and suddenly music plays out of nowhere and everyone around him breaks out in song and dance. He can't act like this is normal and he can't join in because he doesn't know any of the lyrics or choreography so all he can do is stand there and watch in horror and discomfort. (Picture a mix of the Truman show and the guy who didn't like musicals.)

He's only ever told Milla about those nightmares when he was helping her with her nightmares, and in turn she promised not to tell anyone.

Despite being afraid of the water, Razputin loves fish. He likes poking fish that swim close the the surface of ponds, whenever the Aquatos go to the hospital, Raz is always that one kid that has his face planted against the glass of the fish tank and is mesmerized by watching the fish, he even has a pet goldfish named Fishy.

Since D'artagan's mother (Melissa Requirum) doesn't move around a lot like the Aquatos, D'artagan goes to a regular public school.

D'art is a total Mama's boy, on the first day of school he made his mom come with him and he held her hand for the entire day. The next day she refused to go to school with him and he was a complete mess for the whole day.

D'art is more introverted and shy than Raz, but he likes to be with Raz since he learned that they're half brothers through clairvoyance.

D'art makes a lot of weird noises.

D'art is really sheltered and gets scared when sleeping over at another kid's house

When Raz gets started, he lets out an uncharacteristically high pitched scream.

Raz left his father a note before he left. He typed it and at this point, he just discover that there are different fonts so he 'experimented' with them. By that I mean he used a different font on every word.

The note read 'Dear dad, you've repressed my abilities for too long, it ends now. By the time you read this, I've already ran away. Don't come looking for me, I'm sorry, but I need to unlock my powers. I'm going to embrace my gift and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Goodbye -Razputin Aquato." Then there's some clip-art of a brain, a bomb, a blue unhappy face, and a sheep. Augustus doesn't know what what means.

In order to keep Raz from bothering everyone in the motherlobe trying to make bets, the interns decided to start playing Uno with him. Even though he keeps tying to make bets in the game and everyone keeps using their psychic powers to cheat, it's helped keep Raz under control because it feels like he's playing poker with them.

Raz got grounded after the casino mission.

While in Helmut's brain, Raz got motion sickness while looking out of the window in the feel Mobile and threw up on the seat.

Whenever Raz tries VR, he gets nervous and sometimes sick.

Raz doesn't like the idea of being a human cannon ball.

Sometimes the other interns can be pretty intense towards Raz.

Sometimes Raz and a couple of the other interns use their powers to hypnotize frogs in place.

Holils hates it when they do this.

That's all for now.

[angelictaehyun]

PAIRING: guardian angel!taehyun x fem!reader

GENRE: guardian angel au, soulmate au, fluff, angst

WC. 3,000+

WARNINGS: minor alcohol usage, mild language, feeling of loneliness

SYNOPSIS: Kang Taehyun, a sassy, young guardian angel, didn’t think anyone could be more of an absolute mess… boy, was he mistaken.

PART ONE || PART TWO || INTERLUDE || PART THREE

.

As you sobbed into your pillow while simultaneously inhaling ice cream, Taehyun was a world away, absentmindedly picking a piece of lint from his left wing. Not long after, he was standing in front of Soobin, an elder, receiving yet another assignment to none other than you, Little Miss Crying Mess, who’d already gone through an entire box of Kleenex in an hour. 

His job was easy (and he’d be lying if he didn’t think himself a pro): silently look after you, keep you from harm, and do his absolute best to make you happy. But you would make that extremely difficult for him. When he glanced through your extensive profile, he didn’t think anyone could be more of an… in nicer terms...

Absolute fucking mess.

Like good God, yes, your boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, now) cheated on you, but that was a month and a half ago, and you weren’t even with him that long. So why could you not shut up and stop crying?

Taehyun wasn’t supposed to think this, guardian angel and all, but what was he supposed to do? You had raccoon eyes from your dried mascara and a pending noise complaint from your neighbor across the hall. 

Funnily, the first time he ever saw you, he felt his jaw drop. Although you were possibly the ugliest crier he’d ever seen (and he’d been alive for a millennium and a half), he saw past that. He awed over your piercing eyes which held so much life in them; your adorably round face that was puffy from all your crying; your silky hair which he wanted to run a hand through. 

He felt his heart yearn for you, like you were a magnet pulling him in. 

In his first week on the job, he felt nothing but pity and sadness for you. The way you seemed so lifeless and drained had him motivated to mend your aching heart. Of course, you didn’t see or feel his presence; he worked tirelessly and quietly, doing small stuff to make you smile. For example, he’d slip a $20 in your pocket every once in a while for you to find when doing laundry (you never found them, and he was out $80 by the end of the week). He also gradually refilled your bare fridge with your favorite food, hoping you’d eat them and feel a semblance of joy, but you never touched it. Instead, each meal was a piece of toast (and occasionally a handful of Goldfish) and an entire bottle of wine. 

He prayed for your liver. 

His second week, he felt even more determined to see your beautiful smile. However, without his help, you had finally decided to take a shower and mosey your way back into society, a decision he was grateful for since you were beginning to resemble a dying gerbil. He accompanied you to your local coffee shop, following closely behind as you weaved between people on the sidewalk, oblivious to you, of course. The day was going well for you; the barista accidentally sized up your order, the jazz band in the park played your favorite song, and you felt the warm sun on your face for the first time in a long while. That is, until you ran into an old friend and found out she recently became engaged. 

He practically saw your flip switch as you plastered on a fake smile and acted as if you were fine. When you finally left, you couldn’t even make it halfway to your apartment before you were breaking down once more. 

His third week was when he decided to take on a more drastic measure. When he re-read your profile to find a list of your core memories, he realized you had a lot of love for snow and snowfall. So he made it snow. 

In the middle of June. 

Nonetheless, he completely ignored the fact that it was a logistical nightmare, thinking it was a perfect idea, sure to bring a smile to your gorgeous face. When you woke up the next morning, feeling extra chilly, Taehyun felt giddy, especially as you moped over to your window and watched the crystalline snow fall from Heaven. He felt proud, especially when he noticed a single tear cascade down your cheek; he believed he overwhelmed you with such happiness, you cried. But when he heard you mumble something like a ‘Yeonjun loved snow,’ and crawl back into bed, he widened his eyes, plopped himself on your desk, and gave up. Not only did he have to deal with a crying you (again), he also had the entire city population wondering why the hell it was snowing in the middle of summer. 

Most of his fourth week was spent on your floor, playing with your dog, devising a new plan to cheer you up, and waiting for you to wake, as you spent most of your day sleeping… though he preferred you asleep since it meant you weren’t crying. Rather than feeling that pity and empathy from his first day on the job, each time you shed a tear, he found himself growing more and more irritated, so when you cried again for the eighth time that week, he had enough. He undid his glamour which kept him hidden and made himself visible to you. He fixed himself a sandwich, sat on your desk, and waited patiently for you to notice his presence. 

Much like any sane person, when you saw a random, unknown boy aggressively eating a sandwich and watching you from less than six feet away, you screamed bloody murder (which was the reason behind the second noise complaint from your neighbor). You scrambled to the opposite side of your bed and balled your hand into a fist while the other reached for a firm, weighty object, as if that was going to protect you from what you believed was about to be certain death. 

“STAY BACK!”

“Y/N, Y/N, it’s okay, it’s okay. Let me explain myself,” he tried reasoning as he slowly approached you as one would approach a flighty deer. You reached for every pillow you could and hurled them his way. As he busied himself dodging them, you sprinted from your bedroom to the front door, but just as you reached for the doorknob, he appeared from literal thin air in front of you, making you scream even louder.

He grabbed your shoulder in an attempt to calm you but that just heightened your fear. You thrashed around in an attempt to escape, ignoring how his grip on you was outrageously strong. 

Almost inhuman. 

When you finally took in his massive, iridescent wings, a small part of your brain put it all together. The other part of your brain, however, was on fire and assumed he was a nutjob hellbent on killing you. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered, letting go of your shoulder. 

You made another failed attempt at reaching for your doorknob. This time, he grabbed your hand. 

“I’m not here to kill you.”

Your eyes narrowed and your body relaxed (barely).

“My name is Taehyun and I’m an angel. Your angel, actually.” He spun around, showcasing his golden wings. 

You let out an inappropriate snort, which was quickly replaced by a choke as he began moving closer toward you. Your body stilled and you screwed your eyes shut. 

You felt nothing but the cool tip of his wing brush against your arm as he moved by you. After a long minute of silence, you took a deep breath to calm yourself and hesitantly opened one eye, just to be met with the sight of him comfortably spread across your couch. He mindlessly picked at the fabric of your favorite throw pillow and threw a leg across your coffee table. He seemed all too familiar with your apartment, which was a frightening realization. You watched him with bated breath as he merely glanced over your trembling figure, tilting an eyebrow. He seemed disinterested… almost bored. 

You shuffled behind your kitchen counter, making sure to put plenty of distance between you both, and once you were sure there was enough space, you took him in. He was breathtaking, to say the least. His perfectly pink lips, razor-sharp jaw, defined nose, bright eyes, and high cheekbones, it was like he was sculpted by God himself. You must’ve stared too long because you saw his lips lift into a smirk. You shifted your eyes away and folded your arms across your chest defensively, “Fine, I’ll play along. Why should I believe you’re an angel?” 

He tipped his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, “Are you blind? I literally have wings.”

“Which could be fake for all I know.”

He scoffed in disbelief, “I’ll have you know, these are most certainly real. Excuse me.”

You silently leaned back against the counter with a look of disinterest and pursed lips. He sighed before turning around, allowing you to see his wings begin to glow and suddenly disappear in a flash of bright light. You were left gaping as your mind ran wild, though only a single thought consumed you, “Why do I need a guardian angel? What could I possibly need one for?”

“Well, your life… um, it’s kind of ass,” he replied as if it were obvious. 

Now it was your turn to be offended, “Excuse me? Who the hell are you to tell me that?”

“Your guardian angel?! A-are you deaf? Why else would I be here? You think I’ve enjoyed watching you mope around your apartment for the past month? You shower, like, once a week, and honestly, you look like a soggy rat. All you do is cry and never shut up, I can’t believe you’re even still capable of forming a tear! Actually, aside from when you’re asleep, this is the longest I’ve seen you go without breaking down sobbing!” he scolded as you stood in your kitchen, insulted by his harsh rant. 

“They why stay? Go find someone else to bother, it’s not like I want you here anyway!”

You picked at a hangnail and anxiously nibbled on your bottom lip. You didn’t even know why you were so offended; he was a complete stranger. As if he knew, he shuffled over to you, close enough to reach for your hand, and surprising you both, you didn’t pull away. 

“Look, I’m sorry, but like I said, your life has been hard. When your mother passed away, you had to live on your own as soon as you graduated high school, and now you can barely afford college because all of your money goes to rent. Then your boyfriend does what he did? Not to bring up old scars, but you need all the support you can get. That’s what I’m here for.”

You yanked your hand away and scoffed. ‘Not to bring up old scars,’ he says, bringing up every single scar. 

“I’ve been doing perfectly fine on my own. I don’t need your help and I especially don’t need you lurking around. Please leave.” You pointed at your door before sulking back into your room. 

“You’re getting my help whether you like it or not!”

That was the last thing you heard before you slammed your door. 

· ──────────────────── ·

The following week was unpleasant, to say the least. Each and every morning, you woke to his annoyingly handsome yet smug face as he sat with his feet kicked up on your desk… and this morning was no different. 

“Good morning, Sunshine! You know, you’re quite the deep sleeper, your heinously loud snoring couldn’t even wake you… but it definitely woke the dead,” he cheerfully remarked, plastering on a self-satisfied smirk. You ignored him and pushed your way by his tall frame on your way to your bathroom sink. Much like the week before, he appeared from thin air and perched himself on your counter. Despite your lack of response, he continued, “We should do something fun today, maybe go get some sun? You’re looking a little… lifeless.”

He examined your body from head to toe. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought he seemed concerned, but he masked it well with his smugness. 

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you,” you mumbled hoarsely. 

“Then don’t go with me! Call a friend or go out by yourself, I really don’t care. Just please get out,” he whiny begged. He hated seeing you cooped up in your small, dinky apartment. He wished for you to experience life again, and he especially wished to see the light return to your eyes and the bright smile he knew you kept hidden. 

“No.”

Once you finished brushing your teeth, you climbed back into your warm bed and scrolled on your old phone. He clenched his jaw at your stubbornness, trying his best to stay calm. It was only 9:32 AM and you had already managed to piss him off. He knew you were headstrong, he didn’t need to read a profile on you to know that; just one day around you and he already picked up on your obstinance. He jumped off the countertop and climbed onto your bed to hover over your body. His breath fanned your nose as he trapped your body between him, wings draping over you both like a blanket. You were shocked and once again, left breathless just by being in his proximity, and you could feel your pulse rapidly increasing as he glanced down to your lips. 

He leaned closer and closer, and you nearly closed your eyes, until he snatched your phone from your hand. 

“You’re not getting this back until you go outside and do something. Anything. For the love of God,” he pleaded, pulling back quickly. The sudden lack of warmth snapped you out of your haze.

“Oh my God! Gimme!” you helplessly whined.

“Are you five? You know what you have to do to get your phone back.” He slapped your hand away as you tried to steal it back. 

You refrained from punching him, instead narrowing your eyes as he did the same. You both had an unspoken contest until you broke first. His harsh gaze pierced you; he was too intimidating. 

“Fine,” you snapped, making your way from bed to get ready for the day. 

· ──────────────────── ·

There was a small, quiet beach near your childhood home you loved visiting every once in a while. The tranquility of the ocean lapping at the shore always provided you with a feeling of peace. 

Until now.

You had chosen to go out by yourself, much like Taehyun had suggested, but your plan quickly faltered when he reminded you that he would be with you regardless, either glamoured or visible. Seeing as you didn’t necessarily like the idea of him invisibly lurking around, you opted to have him visibly by your side. You’d rather see his judgment rather than feel it from afar. 

So there you were, watching him smother an obnoxious amount of your expensive sunscreen onto his face as if he were a human and not a supernatural being that’s completely unaffected by UV. It’d been a week since he came into your life, or at least made his presence known, and he was already a pain in your ass. 

“I have to maintain my cover somehow.”

“What?” You didn’t know what cover he was trying to maintain, his pesky wings were hidden, and overlooking his outright godly features, he looked perfectly human. 

He did a poor job of rubbing the sunscreen into his skin and for the first time since meeting him, you felt a smile creep on your face. He looked like an idiot. You almost let him be since you were so amused, but you helped him out anyway. Standing on the balls of your feet and cupping his face, you began smoothing the sunscreen on. He held your waist, holding you steady, and you felt nervous from the proximity but you did your best to conceal it. He silently studied you, thinking you looked incredibly adorable as you focused on your small task, your eyes narrowing in concentration and your teeth biting into your soft lips. 

He couldn’t help the way his mouth tugged into a small smile. 

“All done! Now you don’t look like a ghost,” you mused. 

“Thank you,” he snorted, releasing his firm grip. Instinctually, he kept himself hovered around you, though, never really creating a noticeable distance. 

You were thankful he pushed you to leave your apartment, but you knew you could never tell him that. You just knew he was the type to constantly bombard you with ‘I told you so’, and you’d never hear the end of it. 

The rest of the day, he watched as you laid on your blanket and basked in the sunlight, eventually getting up to walk the shoreline. You kept yourself occupied as you searched the sand for pretty shells and dainty rocks, and Taehyun forced himself to keep his distance, not wanting to disturb your peace. This was the calmest he had seen you since he was first assigned and he felt so grateful; he didn’t show it but he couldn’t bear seeing you in pain. Yes, your crying was growing extremely irritating, and yes, the pile of used Kleenex beside your bed was beginning to disgust him, nonetheless, he wanted to see you happy. 

When you stopped to blankly stare at the vast ocean, he could’ve sworn he could feel your pain, the way your heart ached, the way your mind was heavy with despair. The pain he felt wasn’t one of heartbreak though, rather… loneliness. 

In fact, all of your pain stemmed from feeling completely alone. 

He quickly made his way over to your side and grabbed your much smaller hand in his—he wanted you to know you weren’t alone anymore. You didn’t turn to him, rather you kept your eyes trained on the sun beginning to set on the horizon. You leaned your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes, relishing in his warmth and the crisp tide washing over your feet. 

For reasons he still had yet to decipher, he yearned to always be by you, protecting you, making no harm ever came your way again. He tried shaking off the feeling as doing his job properly, but something in the back of his mind told him this was different. 

Something about you was different. 

And he could quite literally feel it in his heart.                                                  

Chapter Two >>                                                                         

[hamnickels]

My Favorite Moments from Tommy’s 12/23 Stream

[Source: “I’m back” on Tommy’s Twitch] (some below the cut, this got long)

“I’m so humble, I’m so humble. I’m like a goldfish on steroids. Can fish do ster-? Fish apparently don’t even have penises, so. Thank god. I wish I was a fish because there are no men fish, that’s why.”

“School is for pussies! Why would I go to school when I have snapchat, hmm?! Streamer by night, drug dealer by day. I’m living the life”

“OH MY GOD - JESUS LIVES ON!! In the form of this log… that’s such an offensive thing to say”

*looks at ‘minor terrorism in L’Manberg sign’* … oh no is that really what we need to do next? *looks at Bob the cow, who LITERALLY NODS* “HA! We- Ok well if you say so Bob … He just fucking nodded at me!! He just nodded at me, he just fuc- HA- What the fuck man? Ok ok if Bob says so I’m not gonna go against Bob”

“weeb shit… thank you for the subs”

“oh no I’ve got diseases in the brain. Good diseases though- no one ever talks about the good diseases though, like superpowers. I have those.”

“oh my god, I’m living the life. The only thing I’m missing is hot ladies”

*has to type letters to look at them in order to make them out of blocks*

“why is terrorism so much harder than I thought it was going to be??”

“HOW could this mean I’m a furry??? Slash claw”

“my goal in life is to be the least comfortable streamer in the entire world. I want people to watch my streams and DIE”

“yeah you know what else looks pretty cool? The death, the death of hundreds of innocents- of innocent men. But they aren’t innocent because they’re men Ponk, because they’re men! Here’s what we do, here’s what we do … well we don’t do anything Ponk, I don’t know why I always try to side with everyone … you heard of this slash claw going around??”

“I’m not invisible to women. What the- who the fuck said that? Who the FUCK said that? I will literally- you know your family? You know your family, hold ‘em tight- no no, you’re just not allowed to threaten viewer’s families. What would Wilbur say?”

“she replied to you on tik tok? I don’t check tik tok, the only tik tok I know is from 2012 where she goes ‘tik tok round the- “

“you’re such a- you’re just a middle aged man from Newcastle, aren’t you phil. The only thing you’ll get angry about right now is Gordon Ramsey cooking wrong”

*phil literally dying over Gordon ramsey making grilled cheese* Tommy: are you alright???

*Tommy leaves to go to the bathroom* *phil with an echo filter, starts crunching his grilled cheese* “Cheeeeeeeeeese”

“you see that new video where he cheated and got away with it- where he got accused for cheating yeah? … wait wait poor phrasing, hold back or I’m going to get a very angry DM. DREAM DID NOT CHEAT”

 Tommy: it’s me

Phil: it’s fucking not

Tommy: I’m the one that did the math

Phil: you cannot- you- no

Tommy: I’m the one that did the math

Phil: Tommy, you want- there’s many things you’re known for, math is definitely not one of them

Tommy: I’M the math boy

 Phil: I don’t believe-you- no- in fact, I would wager that if we spoke to Dream right now, he would refute and say no it definitely wasn’t you

Tommy: well yeah but he says that about most things that are true

Phil: …what?

Tommy: Phil I’m gonna have to delete this vod by the way

 *Phil coughs* Fuck!

Tommy: Oh my god! You’re on the way out

 Wilbur: PHILBUR! And WILZA!

 Wilbur: Do you like when I’ve joined your stream Tommy you’ve lost 10,000 viewers

Tommy: … no no that must be a coincidence

 Tommy: thesis, yes, like the minotaur

 Wilbur: “Doesn’t the stopping bias eliminate this selection bias that you’re talking about? ‘cause they set up a stopping bias.

Tommy: …yeah

Wilbur: does that- yeah, you-

Tommy: well it’s a toughie it really is

Phil: mr. professor you seem lost for words

Tommy hey, im not lo- what I’m tryin’ to think is … so the- if- ok, let’s just divide all of this by two for a second

 Tommy: Now ask me a question again, but divided by 2. So I want, not quicker, but less

Wilbur: um… hello… tommy… wondering… does… bias… overrule… bias

Tommy: okay, thank you, well now you’ve said it in a way that all the simpler viewers can understand thank you, so here’s what I’d like that say that. I think bias, and this is topical, and I don’t want everyone going cancelled!

Wilbur: tropical

Tommy: it is-

Wilbur: it’s tropical

Tommy: … it is tropical

Wilbur: Dream’s from the tropics

Tommy: you’ve just changed my perspective!

Wilbur: wait so what does that mean? What does your perspective mean now then

Tommy: I’M FROM FUCKING HARVARD WILBUR

Wilbur: yeah?

Tommy: AM I EVER GONNA BE WRONG? ASK YOURSELF THIS BEFORE TRYING TO TAKE ME DOWN

 Tommy: what’s an alumnae?

Wilbur: it’s like, think Bill Nye but he goes ‘lum’

 Wilbur: Phil I’m not a big fan of the philza’s a boomer meme right, but that is a very boomer thing you’re laughing at

 Tommy: the moment I was out that womb I went ‘round bullying

Wilbur: I can’t hear you I’m haylofting!

 Phil: gun time for daddy!

[babbushka]

Mind & Soul (5/10)

The story of how one man fell out of love and into it again

Charlie (Marriage Story) x Reader

6.8k; warnings for angst, marital affairs/cheating, nsfw content 

Tumblr masterlist for previous chapters // Available on AO3

                                                       ---------------

Lately, I find myself out gazing at stars

Hearing guitars like someone in love

Sometimes the things I do astound me

Mostly whenever you're around me

 Charlie used to love flying, before all this. He used to get such a thrill from the way his stomach would swoop as the plane would take off, would look out the window and marvel at how the Earth seemed so far away, so small. Buildings and cars and people no bigger than ants, while he sat in a great metal bird in the sky.

He doesn’t bother to open the shade now, exhausted of flying, exhausted from all the travel.

But Henry pushes the shade up, because Henry has the window seat, and now it’s his turn to stare with wide-eyed amazement at the way the world comes back into view from behind a thick blanket of clouds. Henry presses his face to the window, and when he looks up at Charlie with a big smile around a mouthful of chewing gum so his ears don’t hurt from the descent, despite the aches in his bones, Charlie smiles back.

“Are we almost there?” He asks, recognizing the monuments, finger pointing at the window.

“Should be, look, see they’re coming to collect our trash.” Charlie pulls off his headphones, stuffs them in his pocket. The flight attendants are making their rounds with a bleached smile and gentle wake-ups of passengers who had fallen asleep on the journey. They’re coming his way, so Charlie turns to Henry and picks up the little bag of goldfish from the airport and asks, “Are you finished with these?”

“Yeah I accidentally dropped one on the floor.” Henry makes that half-frown that kids make sometimes when they’re worried they’re going to get in trouble.

“That’s okay, just be careful not to step on it, it makes more of a mess that way.” Charlie smiles at him even though he’s too tired to really manage the muscles, shows him that it’s okay.

“I’ll be careful I promise, I accidentally stepped on a snail at mom’s apartment and I cried.” Henry whispers in Charlie’s ear, again worried that he’d be yelled at. Charlie wonders who was snapping at his son to make him fear every little admission. But Henry doesn’t seem upset, he shrugs and sits back in his seat with a, “So now I watch where I’m going better.”

“I’m sure the snail knew you didn’t mean it.” Charlie replies, although his brain is caught up more on the mention of Nicole than anything. He swallows hard, gives the stewardess the small empty bag of snacks and tries as casually as he can to muster up, “Do you like it, mom’s apartment?”

“Yeah there’s lots of kids who are all really nice, and the flowers are pretty. We go to the beach a lot and mom says I’m going to get tan, I’ve got a really good seashell collection so far. But it’s really hot.” Henry looks out at the night sky. “Like sticky all the time. Sometimes I feel like when I go out onto the balcony I can drink the water in the air.”

Charlie frowns, buckles Henry’s seatbelt when the little sign lights up.

“She’s got air conditioning, doesn’t she?” Charlie asks, as he buckles his own. He tries not to sound accusatory.

“Yeah but it’s still hot.” Henry replies, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

And maybe it is.

Some things are easy, like the weather. That’s why everyone went to it for small talk, nothing easier than commenting about the weather.

It had been hot, when Charlie and Nicole had gotten into the fight.

 He doesn’t want to think about it, the things they said. The way they both raged and shouted at one another in white stucco walls, bare walls with next-to-nothing of his own design, his own choice. He had called you, had asked you what to put up on those walls, and then, well. It didn’t matter much, did it? He went and ruined it, punched a hole straight through the whole thing.

He doesn’t want to think about the things he said. The way vitriol spit from his mouth, the way his face contorted and pinched and grew red hot, the way he could feel the blood pounding in his ears. How he had been fuelled by spite and hate and blind panic, panic because this was all going so wrong, so badly. It was going badly. He regrets it, what he says. He regrets a lot of it.

He doesn’t want to think about how true they all were, on both sides, and how painful that truth was. The words screamed screamed screamed at one another with shaking fists of fury. Who was this woman that he had married? And who had he become?

 No, YOU fuck off. If you listened to your son, or anyone, he’d tell you he’d rather live here.

He tells you because he knows it’s what you want to HEAR!

 Voices of his own hatred and fear and pain echo in his ears, pain and rage that he’s never felt before.

 You’re being so much like your father.

DO NOT compare me to my father. You’re exactly like your mother! Everything you complain about her, you’re doing. You’re suffocating Henry.

 He tries to blink back tears, as the plane soars through the sky. He feels sick, he’s exhausted. He wonders if Henry would forgive him if he went and threw up in the little bathroom that he can’t even fit in.

 I felt repulsed when you touched me. The thought of having sex with you makes me want to peel my skin off.

You’ll never be happy. In LA or anywhere. You’ll think you found some better, opposite guy than me and in a few years you’ll rebel against him because you need to have your VOICE. But you don’t WANT a voice. You just want to fucking complain about not having a VOICE.

 He looks out the window, his hands shake. He says he’ll be right back, as his feet carry him away, down the aisle despite the protesting flight attendants. They take one look at him and let him go, let him wedge himself into the bathroom.

 You gaslighted me. You’re a fucking villain.

You want to present yourself as a victim because it’s a good legal strategy, FINE. But you and I both know you CHOSE this life. You wanted it until you didn’t.

 He braces himself against the little counter, splashes water on his face. He can’t cry now, not yet. Henry needs him, he’ll need to hold Charlie’s hand because the landing part always scares him. He tries sucking tears back into his eyes, tilts his face up so they might just…reabsorb into his eyeballs. He doesn’t know.

 You���re so merged with your own selfishness that you don’t even identify it as selfishness anymore. YOU’RE SUCH A DICK.

Every day I wake up and hope you’re dead-- Dead like--If I could guarantee Henry would be OK, I’d hope you get an illness and then get hit by a car and DIE.

 The words are whiplash, when they come back, and he’s got a white-knuckle grip on the tiny counter, gets jostled around as the plane hits turbulence as it begins to descend. He should go back to his seat, he can hear the seatbelt sign dinging, can hear the pilot over the loudspeaker.

 I know.

I’m sorry.

Me too.

 Was he?

 He splashes himself with water again, gets a grip. Leaves the bathroom, apologizes to the attendants as he quickly walks to his seat. He’s glad there was no one on the aisle side for his row, glad the plane was relatively empty, calm in the navy night.  

“Are you excited to see the new house?” Charlie says in case Henry can see him in the dark.

“Yes!” Henry’s eyes shine happily and he turns to face his dad, “Mom said it’s got a big backyard, is that true?”

“A really big backyard, bigger than our old one. If you want we can get a pool and go swimming in the summer, you can invite all your friends over for a pool party.” Charlie promises. He’ll promise anything, at this point, anything Henry wants.

“Okay but only if there’s sno-cones, Billy had a birthday party and they had sno-cones and they were so good my mouth was stained for three days.” Henry laughed quietly to himself, and it kills Charlie that he wasn’t there to see it.

“We can have sno-cones. What else did you do with mom?” He wills his voice not to crack.

“Um,” Henry thinks around a yawn, “We went to the parks a lot. I’m learning how to roller skate.”

“Really? You’re brave, I’m too afraid of falling.” Charlie ruffles Henry’s hair.

“It’s not so bad, I’ve got knee-pads and everything.” Henry laughs and ducks out of the motion, playfully avoiding getting his hair messed up. It’s long, he needs a cut, Charlie thinks. “When we get home I’ll show you.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Charlie nods, and then he notices that the plane is dipping more dramatically, so he offers a big palm to his son and smiles, “Here hold my hand, we’re landing, chew your gum really fast.”

The landing is easy, only a little bumpy which Charlie’s thankful for. He didn’t know what kind of metaphor that would be, if the whole flight back home was rough. But the plane lands, and they’re on the tarmac, and the passengers all sleepily applaud in that way that they always do, and Henry makes a face.

“How come people are clapping?” Henry asks kind of loudly, innocently judgmental in that way kids can be.

“They’re thanking the pilot for doing a good job.” Charlie explains.

“Why don’t they just thank him then?” Henry doesn’t buy it, and Charlie chuckles to himself.

This really is his kid, he thinks. He tries not to cry.

“We can thank him when we leave.” Charlie unbuckles their seatbelts, and he can tell Henry is antsy to stretch his legs.

“Should we stand up now?” Henry asks, always filled with questions this one.

“No.” Charlie shakes his head on response, only to have his son look around him with a raised eyebrow.

“But they’re all standing.” He gestures to people crowding the aisle.

“That’s because they’re impatient.” Charlie mutters, not wanting to piss anyone off. He feels like he’d snap if someone challenged him on something, even something small. “They can’t go anywhere, it takes the pilot a long time to make sure everything’s okay with the plane before they open the doors.”

“You’re really smart dad.” Henry sighs and rests his head against Charlie’s bicep and says so soft that Charlie almost misses it, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too honey.” Charlie blinks, the ache in his heart slowly healing, trying its best to hold itself together until he can sob into his pillow.

Now that they’re landed, Charlie can pull his cell-phone out – his regular one, not the burner phone – and thumbs through his contacts. His heart leaps in his throat when he opens up your messages, half-expecting to find a picture of your tits right there in his face. But no, he only finds the innocent messages of friends.

We landed, should be off the plane in 20. He types up, hits send and anxiously awaits your reply.

“Who are you texting?” Henry peers over his arm, nosy.

“(Y/N), she’s going to pick us up from the airport and drop us at home.” Charlie shows him, because there’s nothing to see except plans and flight numbers that he sent you so you could figure out the best time to leave the house.

“(Y/N)! I have something for her.” Henry brightens up immensely, and he doesn’t know why, but Charlie’s relieved by that.

His phone buzzes before the screen even has a chance to go dark, and he smiles at the response:

Okay! I’m circling, JFK’s a nightmare right now. Let me know when you’re close. Can’t wait to see you!

“Oh yeah, what?” Charlie asks as he puts the phone away back in his pocket.

“No I can’t tell you, it’s a surprise and you’re awful about keeping surprises.” Henry rolls his eyes and laughs as Charlie ruffles his hair again.

“Okay okay, fair enough.”  He replies.

                                                     -----------------

Once they’re off the plane and away from the luggage carousel, once they’re down by the pick-up and drop off area, does Charlie feel warm. It’s a crisp forty-five degrees, and he’s in a sweater, but  he knows it’s really because of you, because he knows soon he’ll see you.

You spot them before they can spot you, and he swears he’s dreaming when he sees your car pull up, when he sees you jump out of the driver’s side and open the trunk. He’s hot all over, itchy, he wants to hold you, wants to hug you.

It’s been two weeks since he’s seen you, and fuck, oh fuck does he just want to hold you.

“Hi guys!” You laugh in excitement as the wind from the terminal tunnel fluffs up your hair. “Here, let me help, you must be tired.”

You come around and grab their suitcases, and part of him knows he should do it, but with his arm fucked up the way it is, he isn’t so sure he can. But the second you’re finished, he pulls you into a tight hug.

“You bet, thank you so much for getting us.” Charlie whispers, and he can feel you shudder out a sigh of relief into the embrace.

“Of course, how’s my favorite Henry?” You say when you pull away and crouch to his level so he can run into your arms.

“I’m your only Henry!” He points out, laughing as you pick him up and swing him around playfully before setting him down.

“Shh, don’t tell the others.” You wink, opening the back door for him and ushering him inside, “Come on, buckle in, safety first.”

You all climb into the car, and Charlie can’t stop looking at you. After two weeks of not having you, you’re finally here. He’s jumpy, he wants to tackle you. But you’re driving, and he’s exhausted, and his arm hurts.

He’s so tired, but it’s a good kind of tired, now that he’s with you.

“How was the flight?” You ask the car, look at Henry through the rearview mirror for a second before turning your eyes back to the road.

“Good, not too bumpy.” Henry says happily, watching the city lights zip past the window as you keep up with the speeding traffic. “I had goldfish.”

“I hope they didn’t spoil your appetite, I was thinking we could go out for some pizza. What do you think?” You smile, just happy for them to be back, happy for them to be home.

“I think I’d kill for a slice.” Charlie says, and fuck he’s struck by how badly he wants to hold your hand. “How about you, Henry?”

“Yes!” His son cheers at the idea of proper pizza, and Charlie smiles sadly.

LA had a lot of things, but New York did too.

He nudges his hand against yours gently, carefully, only for the briefest of seconds before he’s pulling back.

New York had you.

                                                  -------------------------

Lately I seem to walk as though I had wings

Bump into things like someone in love

Each time I look at you

I'm limp as a glove

And feeling like someone in love

 It’s late, but that doesn’t matter for the city that never sleeps. You make a pitstop at a favorite place, a little corner shop that only sells slices. The pizza is thin and folds in half like a dream, and Charlie can’t stop wolfing it down, can’t stop shoving it into his mouth. Nothing feels more like home than New York pizza, he thinks.

Especially when you and Henry are laughing about him behind your own slices.

It feels all too familiar, feels like it did when Nicole had fucked off for what Charlie thought was forever, when for six months Charlie cared for his son all on his own. Well, that’s a lie, remembering how so many nights were spent at this pizza joint, you and Henry laughing at him.

He hadn’t cared for his son all on his own.

“Hey Henry, what do you think about (Y/N) joining us for dinner tomorrow after you get back from school?” Charlie asks somewhat seriously, knowing that he’s killing the mood. But it’s an important question, and Henry can tell, even as he frowns.

“Why’d’ya ask it like that?” Henry asks before taking a big bite of crust.

“Well just because we’re going to have someone from the state come in and watch us, and I want to know if you’d rather have (Y/N) there for that or not.” He explains, looking at you before looking at his son. And as much as it hurts him to think of excluding you, he knows that whatever Henry is more comfortable with, he’d do. “It can be just the two of us, if you’d like.”

“Why’s someone watching us?” Henry asks, not angry or anything, just curious.

“Just to see how we are as a family, that’s all.” Charlie says.

He doesn’t say that it’s to see how fit he is as a parent, doesn’t say that it’s to make sure the house is livable, suitable, the best place for him. He doesn’t say there’s so much fucking pressure on this dinner to go well, doesn’t say that if anything bad happens they’ll side with Nicole and Nicole will win and he can’t have her win he just can’t –

“Well if they want to see the family, (Y/N)’s gotta be there too.” Henry says softly, like he’s nervous about it, and it shocks Charlie out of his own inner monologue. Henry looks at you, and almost like he’s worried you’re going to reject his broken family, he asks, “Don’t you?”

“If you want me, Henry.” You reply with a nod, because really, really this is about him.

About what’s best for him and his wants. He’s just a child, he shouldn’t have to know everything that he wants, shouldn’t have to have his whole upbringing uprooted because of it. But that’s what Nicole did to them, and that’s the way it is.

He’s old enough to know that, and it breaks Charlie’s heart.

“Yeah, you should be there.” Henry says, picking at some of the melted cheese that fell onto his piece of parchment paper.

You look at one another, and then you look at Charlie, and he doesn’t know how he isn’t supposed to cry. You can tell and so you stand up quickly, check your phone for the time.

“It’s getting late, I gotta drop you guys off at home! Want another slice to go? There’s nothing in your fridge, didn’t want it to spoil while your dad was away.” You say warmly, in that way that you always do, always there to diffuse a situation before it can even begin.

Charlie shakes himself, tries to get a grip. He doesn’t ever want to be a situation for you.

                                      ----------------------------------

Henry is practically falling asleep on the drive into the suburb where Charlie lives, where the new house is. You’d done a real good fucking number on it, turning it into a home while he was gone. It wasn’t something Charlie had any energy for, and so you took the two weeks to furnish it with things you thought they’d like. Henry is seeing it for the first time, but in a way, so is Charlie.

“Why don’t you go ahead honey?” Charlie says giving him the keys to go unlock the front door. “I’ll explore the house with you tomorrow, I’m beat.”

“Me too, time’s different here.” Henry says, and you chuckle a little at the way he’s jet-lagged like some old weary traveler. Henry grabs his backpack and runs into the house calling, “’Night dad, ‘night (Y/N)!”

“See you tomorrow sweetie.” You call after him, as Charlie comes around to your window and leans his arms against it. You look at him sadly, reach up to cup his cheek. He immediately leans into the touch, starved of you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just wanted to look at you a little more.” He says, kisses your palm. It’s dark in the suburb, only a couple streetlights lit. “Do you really have to go?”

“Now that Henry’s back we have to be more careful, you know that.” You sigh, and you’re right, he knows you’re right. “Call me if you need me, okay?”

“What if I need you now?” He tries, but you only pinch his cheek and give it a little pat.

“Bye Charlie.” You say, and he steps away from your car.

He watches you drive down the road, watches as you always remember to use your blinker, before disappearing around the corner.

He feels empty as soon as you’re gone.

                                      --------------------------------------

Lately I seem to walk as though I had wings

Bump into things like someone in love

Each time I look at you

I'm limp as a glove

And feeling like someone in love

Feeling like someone in love

In love

 The house is too quiet, dark.

He closes the front door, drops his luggage. He’s exhausted, fuck he’s so tired. He’s so tired, the kind of tired that’s settled too deep into his bones, that no amount of sleep can fix. He’s tired, and he’s terrified, but he’s too frayed around the edges to really feel it, to really feel anything.

Henry has already run up the stairs, already found his room. Charlie can hear the excited happy noises as Henry’s light-up sneakers illuminate the hallway. He’s found the bluetooth radio Charlie got him on a whim, and is playing some song Charlie doesn’t know.

Charlie makes his way up to the master bedroom, something foreign and new and yet filled with you. Your mark is absolutely everywhere, even in the very floorboards. He drops his luggage and steps out of his shoes, feeling like garbage as he makes his way to the shower. He just wants to scrub the day away, just wants to scrub the feeling of slimy dirty Los Angeles away, wants the New York water to rinse his sins down the drain.

He turns the water hot as it will go, scalding, and when he strips himself down and changes the dressings on the deep gash in his arm, he stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t know who he is anymore, what he’s doing anymore. He doesn’t know. The whole thing feels fruitless, feels pointless. He wants to smash the mirror, when he sees the bags under his eyes.

“God, I hate, this!” He says at himself in the mirror no one there to hear him. Henry’s all the way on the other side of the house, has music playing off his phone. The music and the rush of the shower drown out the sound of his shout.

He steps under the spray, leans himself up against the cold tile wall and just watches as water swirls at his feet. He needs to get clean, he knows, he won’t crawl into bed until he is, and fuck, does he desperately want to be in bed.

He wants to feel the cool sheets on his skin, wants to breathe in the scent of his pillow. He wonders if they still smell like you. You’ve been checking on the house while he was away screaming at Nicole, you slept in his bed. He wonders if you touched yourself under his covers.

His hand reaches for his dick before he even really knows it, just at the simple thought of you.

You, you, you.

He misses you.

He’s missed you the entire time he went away to fucking LA.

He thinks about how you would have been with him, how you would have looked. He thinks about how you would have smiled at him in the mornings, how that smile would have cut through the fog. He thinks about you, how you would have warmed the side of the bed next to his, how your breath on his face would have woken him, how your moans would have filled the space of the shitty little apartment he’s punched a hole in.

“(Y/N),” He lets his head tip back against the cold tile as soap and suds run down his body, as they slick up his cock, as he jerks himself off, “Oh, (Y/N).”

He thinks about how you would have fucked him, let him fuck you, after the bullshit. After the fight. He wonders if the fight would have even happened, if you had been there with him. He wonders if anything bad could ever happen if you’re there.

He speeds up his hand, grip on himself tight, trying to emulate your own hand. Your hands are soft, they’re supple, they’re well manicured and they know how to twist and grope and squeeze him just right. He imagines you on your knees in front of him, imagines the way soap would wash down in between your breasts imagines the way you’d guide his cock to your lips –

“Fuck,” He’s groaning, smacking his head against the wall as his hips buck into his hand, as he fucks his hand, wishing he were fucking you.

God, all he wants is you.

He comes all over his chest, nearly loses his footing, because he doesn’t realize it, but he’s used your body soap that you kept in the shower and now he smells like you and that’s so overwhelming that he’s afraid he’ll black out.

His heart hurts, when he comes down from his high, and he watches as the evidence of his arousal winds down and around, going down the drain, like so much in his life.

He throws a hand out and shuts off the water, desperate for you. He knows he can call, he knows, you always pick up. He’s got the little burner phone with just one number programmed in. He can’t save it, he’s too afraid to save it, but if anyone were to look at the call log, it’s all you, just you.

He fumbles out of the shower to get himself dried off, stumbles into bed. The wound on his arm is bleeding, again, and he has a spike of panic that the bandages won’t be enough, again. He’ll deal with it later, in the morning, he doesn’t give a shit.

Right now all he needs is you.

The burner phone is in his pants pocket, right where he abandoned it next to the bed. He squints against the bright light of the screen as his fingers already know where to go, his hand already knows what to do. He can’t bear to bring it up to his face, not right now, not like this, so instead he rests the phone on his chest and turns it on speaker, listening to it as it rings.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.” He begs the universe, eyes closed, fingers crossed, hoping hoping hoping it’s not too late.

“Charlie?” You ask, and fuck, oh fuck, he could cry, maybe he is crying, because that’s your voice. It’s music to his ears, it’s an original score winning best awards in every show, it’s a symphony at the philharmonic and he wants to give you a standing ovation as you ask, “Is everything okay?”

You’re worried, concerned for him. That brings him down to earth, the worry.

“Yeah, it’s – no it’s not. Fuck, are you, can you – ” He can’t lie to you now, but he doesn’t know what the fuck to even say, he doesn’t know.

You’re so good to him, so kind to him, so patient. He doesn’t know, but you do, you do because he can hear shuffling on the other end of the line, can hear you throwing the sheets off of your body, can hear you rummaging in your dresser for clothes.

“I’m on my way, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” You say, you promise, and it feels like he’s just been granted some illegal wish, some chance he shouldn’t have.

His hands shake as they rake through his wet hair, as he licks his lips, as he tries to tell himself to stay calm for just ten minutes, it’s only ten more minutes without you.

“Door’s unlocked.” He whispers into the phone, and you’re nodding, he can tell you’re nodding, by the way the phone statics up.

“Love you.” You say, and damn, no one’s said that to him in so long.

No one’s said it and meant it, other than you.

  Ten minutes feels like ten years, when he’s in bed without you. He waits, just waits for you, his ears trained on the front door, waiting waiting waiting. He nearly falls off the bed when he hears you, finally, stepping into the house and locking up behind him. You come up the stairs two at a time, push open the bedroom door and take in the sight of him.

He’s managed to pull on sleep-pants, something soft and long to warm him, but he’s bare chested and his arm is still bandaged, and you tend to that first.

“Oh Charlie honey, what the hell happened, to you?” You ask, collecting him in your arms.

Something about that, about that simple embrace, has him sobbing in your hands. He’s been so emotional, this whole fucking week, so emotional. He doesn’t know how to handle any of it, it’s all so new, all so stressful. He’s so fucking stressed out, so he cries and cries and you just hold him tight as he clings to you.

You’re talking about the cut on his arm, the one that you now see because he’s shirtless. He’d been wearing a sweater since the airport was always fucking freezing, and you hadn’t seen it. But now you do, and that’s what you’re talking about, even though really you could have been talking about his whole life.

What the hell happened to him?

“It was stupid – I did that dumb fucking thing with the knife – ” He tries to explain, and you’re immediately rummaging through his pants.

“Where is it?” You ask, not unkindly, just insistently.

“What?” He’s confused, he’s so wrapped up in the thought of you, in the thought of you actually being here with him, that he missed the question.

You lean down to kiss him, and Charlie’s whole body tingles, his whole self comes alive. He’s never felt so alive, as to when you kiss him.

“The knife, the keys. Where is it?” You ask gently, rubbing a soothing little circle on his cheek.

“It’s on the night-stand.” He answers, leaning over and grabbing them, handing them to you, offering them to you.

He’d offer anything to you.

He’s offering you everything he has.

You take them and unclip the knife off the keychain, throw it into the waste basket, collect his face up in your hands again, kiss him again. You kiss him over and over and his sobs subside into hiccupping little gasps, little pants against your mouth.

He feels like a drowning man and you’re the only clean lungful of air he’s had in years.

“You’re never doing that trick again, do you hear me? It’s not funny, I don’t want Henry thinking it’s funny. You need stitches, we need to get you stitches.” You’re not angry, which he’s grateful for.

You’re worried, which kills him. He almost wishes you were angry instead of worried.

“We’ll go in the morning, after he goes to school, for now I just,” He trembles, shakes shakes shakes, “I want to be close to you, I need that (Y/N), I need to be close to you.”

He’s begging, he knows he is. Hands clasped before you he pleads for comfort, comfort he aches for.

The cooling balm of your love is his savior, and when you lean back only far enough to strip yourself out of your own clothes, when you come back towards him with open arms that you encourage him to throw himself into, he could scream shout sob with relief.

“You’ve got me, I’m here, I’m all yours.” You whisper, holding him close close close to your chest.

“Are you? Are you mine?” He whispers back, terrified, so terrified that this is all just a dream, that he’s still on the floor of his tiny fucking apartment in Los Angeles, bleeding out on the floor.

“I am, I promise Charlie, I am.” But you’re really real, and you’re really combing your fingers through his hair, and his heart is really racing even as you’re trying to calm him down. “You’re okay honey, it’s okay.”

He wrangles out of your grip, and you frown, brow creasing as he maneuvers the two of you so your positions are reversed, so he can press you into the mattress and prop himself on top of you. You are so beautiful, in the moonlight, the glow of the streetlamps washing over you, some ethereal thing.

He can’t help but litter your body with praise, adoration leaking from his fingertips. He can’t help it, not when you deserve it so, when you are the most deserving of it at all. He is reverent in the way he caresses your body, hands skimming the softness of your flesh, lips trailing after it as he presses kisses into your skin.

“Thank you, for being here, for being with me.” He is so grateful, so completely grateful for you, “Thank you, I don’t – I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

He rests his head on your stomach and just stays there for a while, just stays there while he kisses your sides, before moving further down your body and opening your hips up, pressing your legs down flat onto the mattress on either side of his head.

“You don’t have to do it without me, I’m right here.” You sigh as he sucks marks onto your hips, fingers bruising the meat of your thighs with ease, not even realizing how tight of a grip he’s got on you.

You are the only good thing he’s had in so long, the only thing in this fucked up divorce that he knows he can count on, the only thing that he knows for sure who wants him.

He’s not even sure if Henry wants him.

“She’s winning.” Charlie says softly, on the verge of screaming. He wants to scream, but instead he focuses that energy into you, into your body, his fingers slipping between your legs and pushing into you, making your toes curl into the sheets. “She’s winning, (Y/N). She’s going to win and fucking take him away. This will be the last time he’s here. His first and last.”

“No she won’t.” You gasp as he shoves his nose into the crease where your thigh meets your pussy, how beautiful it is just for him, how it throbs. He wonders if you’ve been just as sick about it, about the distance, about missing him, as he has missed you.

“How do you know?” He asks, hopes, wants to know, wants some sort of answer that he knows you can’t give, not really. You can’t predict the future, you can’t sway the judge.

“I just do.” You say, and your back arches when he fingers you harder, when he draws out a moan, a real proper moan, from deep inside your cunt. Your hand comes down to tangle in his hair, and the sting of your pull is so good against his scalp, and you ask, “Have I ever been wrong before?”

“No – ” He shakes his head, kisses your body, kisses everywhere he can reach.

“Exactly.” You whisper, as he tries so hard to get as close to you as possible, as he tries to make up for the lost time, all that time of him being away, being across the country with a wife who doesn’t want him. He tries to express how much he adores you through the press of his fingers on your body, tries to express his gratitude as you beckon him up up up, asking, “Give me a kiss? My lips are lonely.”

“They are?” His eyes soften, and he aches for you, as he comes to your call, as he removes his fingers from the wet heat between your legs and smears your own slick across your cheek as he kisses you.

“They are, I get lonely when you’re gone.” You admit, and he’s so relieved in a sick sort of way, so pleased that you missed him too, that you thought about him too, thought about him from three thousand miles away.

“Come with me next time, to Los Angeles.” He says, more of an order than an ask, more of a demand than a plea. He kicks himself mentally for that, for being controlling, Nicole left him because he’s controlling, he can’t make that same mistake with you, so as he cups your cheeks in the moonlight he searches your eyes and adds, “Please?”

But you, you you you.

You just smile and nod and kiss him, when you say, “Yes.”

“Will you stay?” He murmurs against your lips, and you’re putty in his hands, you’re too tired to object, not that you want to.

“Yeah, we can come up with something to tell him.” You whisper, rubbing your nose against his, as your heart beats next to his.

“Once all this is over, I swear to you there’s gonna be no more hiding.” He cards a hand through your hair. “No more sneaking around, not ever again.”

“You’re worth the wait, you know?” You say, and there you go again, shattering his whole world, his whole perception of life, with those words. “You have to know that.”

He doesn’t, not really. Maybe he does. The selfish part of him does.

He doesn’t feel selfish around you.

Maybe that’s the most selfish thing.

“I love you.” He says, because it’s all he knows how to say right now, all he knows that’s true.

“I love you too.” You smile back at him, before having to clear your throat a little. “I’m thirsty, want something to drink from the kitchen? The fridge is the fancy kind, has the filter right in the door.”

“Yeah, better have some.” He nods, not wanting to let you go.

He does anyway, because nothing’s about what he wants anymore.

“I’ll be right back.” You kiss his cheek, and put your clothes back on.

You have a spare change of clothes in the dresser from when you spent the nights there getting the place ready, but there’s no sense in putting on a brand new outfit to go downstairs. Charlie watches you leave the bedroom, and just because he can, just because he’s missed you so much, he pulls on some pajama bottoms and creeps to the edge of the stairs.

“(Y/N)?” He hears Henry’s sleepy voice upon your arrival.

Charlie winces, heart racing.

“Hey Henry, what are you doing awake?” You say softly, keeping your composure, trying to appear as casual as possible.

“I can’t sleep, my body’s still on LA time.” Henry sighs, and Charlie feels awful, maybe he should have read him a bedtime story or something before having a nervous breakdown in the bathroom. But then Henry asks, “How come you’re here?”

And he freezes, ears trained to know what you say so he knows how to verify it in the morning.

“Your dad forgot something in the car so I came back over.” You lie easily. But is it a lie? He forgot his heart, in the passenger seat of your car. You only returned to put it back into his chest. You’re opening up the cabinets, Charlie can hear it when you say, “I know what’ll help, how does a mug of hot tea sound?”

“Will you make it with lemon and honey like you used to?” Henry asks, and there’s that reminder again, of the six months where you and Charlie scrambled, tried your damnedest to preserve what was left of this family.

Henry had used that word, hadn’t he? Family.

“You bet, and two cubes of sugar.” You say, rustling around with something, probably the box of sugar.  

“(Y/N)?” Henry asks again, his voice so small, and Charlie holds his breath.  

“Yeah?” You ask right back, setting the kettle to boil.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Henry says.

“I’m glad I’m here too.” You reply, “I missed you kiddo, both of you.”

He can’t see, but maybe you’re hugging.

He can’t see, but maybe you’re smiling at each other.

He can’t see, but maybe everything will be okay.

Maybe it’ll all be okay.

 Lately I seem to walk as though I had wings

Bump into things like someone in love

Each time I look at you

I'm limp as a glove

And feeling like someone in love

Feeling like someone in love

In love

                                              ------------------------

Tagging some pals!  @steeevienicks @heldcaptivebychaos  @solotriplets @formerly-anonhamster @lookinsidemyhead @candycanes19 @adamsnacc-kler  @whiskey-bumblebee @magikevalynn @tinyplanet-explorers @chelsjnov @romancedeldiablo @helloimindelaware @elfieboxcat @laurenshit @autumnlovesadam @peterisparker  @goodboybensolo  @the-marvelatic @miasera @emily-strange @proxyfoxy @disaster-rose @hazydespair @yosoymuyloca @1-800-choke-that-snoke @ktellmeastory @anongirl007 @zimmerxman @okk--maaan @flapjacques @aweirdlookingtree @callmemania-pls @theold-ultraviolence​ @og-selene​ @pinkmoontribe-blog​ @schopenhauerdeathsquad​

[willow-salix]

(Fluffember prompt :Young - or as I'm calling it 'Scott being a complete shit for an hour)

Day 7 of Isolation on Tracy Island 2.0

It started with Gordon, which it generally does, but this time it actually wasn’t that bad, although I do think he was very brave to start things the way he did.

We were all lounging around in what Grandma 'affectionately’ refers to as our ‘melting ice cream’ poses. By this she means that we have effectively melted all over whatever we were sitting on, spreading ourselves out in an attempt to take up as much room as possible. I had been lying across both Gordon and John but now I was sitting between them while Scott sat in front of the couch between my legs as I tried out different hairstyles on him because, in my infinite wisdom, I’d decided he needed a new look. It wasn’t going well, he did not suit the Elvis look. Now I was attempting to brush it forward and up like Alan’s.

“Hey, John,” Gordon started, breaking the comfortable silence of the room. I couldn’t see John, since I was concentrating on the back of Scott’s head, but I could feel the power of his eyes roll as his concentration and peace was distrubed.

“Yes?” 

“Do you remember that game we used to play?”

“Which one? There were so many games that I’ve blocked most of them from my memory.”

“I mean the one you were actually good at.” 

Scott sniggered and I gently flicked the back of his head in punishment.

“Excuse me, I was very good at games and still am.”

I nodded supportively and received a gentle waist squeeze in thanks for my efforts. 

“I meant that one that you used to completely dominate us in,” Gordon continued. “I just can’t remember what it was.”

“Again, there were many games…”

“Scott, do you remember?” I asked, trying to head off a potential argument before it started.

“I’m trying to think of one that John was good at-” I flicked his head again, making him duck out of the way as he laughed.

“I’ve never been so insulted,” John gasped.

“Give them time,” I muttered, dragging Scott’s head back into place and attacking him with my brush again, fluffing up his hair by backcombing it, let him try to brush that out later…

“We used to play it on long journeys to pass the time,” Gordon continued, clearly frustrated that he couldn’t recall exactly what it was.

“Ask Virgil,” Scott suggested. “He might know.”

The chonky one was duly summoned, Alan coming in with him, Kayo trailing in behind.

“You comm’d?” Virgil greeted, sinking down into one of the launch seats.

“What was that game we used to play on journeys? The one John always beat us at,” Gordon asked, not bothering with the pleasantries of a hello. “When we were kids.”

“John played games?” Alan asked, completely dumbfounded.

“Hey!” John protested. “Why is everyone picking on me today?”

“Because you’re actually here?” Scott shrugged like that explained everything.

“You’re on your own,” John huffed, dragging me onto his lap and away from Scott, leaving him with my brush stuck in his hair. “Can’t be nice, you don’t get my wife. That’s the rule.”

Virgil, who had been pretty quiet the entire time, finally spoke. “I went to the park.”

“You what now?” I asked. Had he finally cracked? We weren’t allowed to go anywhere, no unnecessary journeys, and I doubted that leaving the island to go to a park counted as necessary. 

“That was the game,” he explained patiently. “Someone would start and say ‘I went to the park’ or wherever it was we were going that day.”

“Oh, yeah, now I remember!” Gordon cheered. 

“You made a game out of saying where you were going?” I asked, completely bemused. It seemed like a pretty rubbish game if you asked me.

“No, we said what we were taking,” Virgil replied.

“Am I being dumb here?” I really didn’t get it. What were they talking about? “Surely if you were going somewhere you would have to take things with you, that’s not a game, that’s just sensible.”

“No,” Gordon laughed, finding my dumbness sooooo amusing. “It’s a game.”

“I don’t get it either,” Alan said quietly. “I never played that, we never really went anywhere when I was younger.”

“It was a game that Mom used to play when she was little, her dad used to start it to stop them being bored while driving,” Scott told us as he wrestled the brush out of what was now his fringe, leaving it sticking up at the front like a poodle’s.

“I’ll start,” Gordon offered, thinking for a second before he spoke again. “I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod...an alligator.”

Everyone burst out laughing, both at his object but also the fact that he’d changed it to a rescue.

“Scott, your turn,” Gordon said.

“I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator and a baseball bat,” he said after a moment of thought. “If that alligator starts any trouble, I’ll finish it.”

“Sounds legit,” I whispered to John who smirked in response.

“I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat and a corned beef sandwich,” Virgil continued, taking up the reins of the game.

“Oh, I get it!” Alan grinned, catching on. “You have to remember what everyone else is taking and add your own! Can I play?”

“Of course you can,” Scott said.

“OK, OK, I’ve got this,” Alan paused as he thought about it. “I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich and a didgeridoo! John, your turn.”

“I’ll kick all your butts, you wait,” John warned them, then quickly rattled off the items followed by his own.  “I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo and an ephemeris.”

“Oh, so you’re playing that move again, are you?” Scott snorted. “Sneaky. This is why he always won, he’s not smarter, he just knows weird words.”

“I resent that, I’m much smarter than you.”

“Kayo? Are you playing?” Virgil asked, trying to keep the peace.

“Sure,” she shrugged, not having anything better to do. “I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris and flight goggles.”

Gordon nudged me. “Your turn.” 

“No way,” I protested, shaking my head. “I’m useless at games like this, I have the memory of a goldfish with amnesia.”

“You aren’t that bad,” John said, trying to defend me. I appreciated the effort but I knew he was lying.

“Babe, I’m the one that forgot where I put my phone and started looking for it before I realised I was talking to you on it.”

“Well, there is that.”  Cue the sniggers from the peanut gallery. 

“I appreciate the fact that you didn’t laugh at me when you asked me what I was looking for, so thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“No, you have to join in, we won’t laugh, we promise,” Alan assured me. I’m not sure I believed it possible for them not to laugh at me, but there was a first time for everything I supposed.

“OK, I’ll try,” I sighed. “Let me think...I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat… something about a sandwich…” my brain protested the sudden workout. “ Corned beef,” I yelled triumphantly and continued. “A didgeridoo, a...effie...something that John said, and Kayo’s flight goggles. There, done.” I smiled proudly. “I remembered.”

“Good job,” Scott grinned. He didn’t actually laugh but I kicked him gently as a warning.

“You didn’t add your item,” Gordon reminded me. “You have G.”

“Oh, yeah..erm…a g…” brain fart. I had nothing. John whispered in my ear and I happily shouted it out. “Gyroscope.”

“Hey, no helping, that’s cheating,” Alan protested, clearly enjoying himself.

“Fine, grapes, I’m taking grapes, if Virgil can take corned beef I can take that.”

“You can take your grapes,” Gordon agreed, narrowing his eyes at John who stared back innocently. “I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris, flight goggles, grapes and a holopad in case I get bored.”

“I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris, flight goggles, grapes, a holopad and an icepick,” Scott continued.

“I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris, flight goggles, grapes, a holopad, an icepick and a jackhammer," Virgil said. 

“I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris, flight goggles, grapes, a holopad, an icepick, a jackhammer and…a kayak!" Alan yelled as he thought of an appropriate word. 

“I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris, flight goggles, grapes, a holopad, an icepick, a jackhammer, a kayak and a llama," John continued. 

"Why would you take a llama?" Gordon asked. 

"So it can spit at people that get too close," John shrugged. 

"I went on a rescue and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a corned beef sandwich, a didgeridoo, an ephemeris, flight goggles, grapes, a holopad, an icepick, a jackhammer, a kayak, a llama and a machete," Kayo said, adding her to the list. 

"Why are you all so aggressive in your packing? I asked. 

"Always be prepared," Kayo quoted. "Your turn."

"I went on a rescue," I sighed, not in the least happy with my involvement, "and I packed in the pod an alligator, a baseball bat, a didgeridoo, A John thing," I got a little kiss for that, why I don't know, maybe just because he felt sorry for me. "Goggles, an ice cube, tablet, the llama and that machete that miss violence is taking to probably smack people with," I finished up. 

"Well, you did miss a few," Alan admitted, "sorry."

"Does that mean I'm out?" 

They all nodded sadly but I was secretly pleased. I mean, I did my best but yeah, not my kind of game. I settled back against John, more than ready to be a casual observer, that was much more my style. 

Gordon was out next, then Scott, followed by Virgil, with Alan, Kayo and John fighting it out for the title. They were on their second round of alphabet and had hit 'E' when Alan lost his train of thought. 

Kayo added keeper, the loop on a belt that the end tucks into but John threw out a Snellen Chart, the thing you had to look at in the doctors surgery decades ago, where he dredged that word up from I can only guess. I'm pretty sure he's got a box up in his brain that is just full of useless facts, weird words and probably the eleven times table or something. 

He won. He's sitting very smugly, having proved his point and retained his crown.

"See, I can play games," John grinned. 

"That was really fun," Alan said with a happy little sigh. "I sometimes feel like I missed out on a lot of the things you guys did before we lost Mom."

"Well, we've got plenty of time now to remember them all and tell you all about them," Scott promised him, ruffling his hair as he passed by, making Alan yelp and hurriedly smooth it back down again.

"Three…two…" I started, waiting.

"What did you do!?" Scott yelled from somewhere in the kitchen, there were many reflective surfaces in there.

"One," John finished for me. "Want to come with me to check on EOS?"

"Probably wise," I agreed, hauling myself up from the comfort of his lap. "Let's make it quick, before Scott finishes fixing the mess I made of his hair and comes seeking revenge."

[taeguboi]

BTS HC - Lockdown

In which each BTS member lives with y/n

I’m hoping these imagines might lighten the mood for anyone who might be feeling a bit lonely right now.

Please see the end of post first if you need some context or wish to see the notes

RM

Has good balance of me time and us time

steps back when you both need space

sitting in the back yard on some chair reading a book

taking in the sun

The restrictions don’t hinder him from making sure you both get plenty of sun and fresh air

it isn’t much but in week 1, he gave the back yard a little tidy up

turned it into a place to chill out

so there aren’t any flower planted or decor

but it makes all the difference

there’s chairs, a table and a parasol

to you, this is perfect

Spot of tea under cooler weather

or orange juice under the sun

Board games at the table in the back yard

you tried cards once out there but even just the slightest breeze...

“Goddammit!!!”

The card games are for when it rains

or for when neither of you quite feel like going out today

He swears you’re cheating at UNO

you swear he’s just really bad at it

turns out he keeps saving those wild 4 draw cards too long

which you gather over his last 3 rage quits 

because he just slings the cards, revealing them to you

“You play it too safe” you tell him

so he plays it a bit less safe

“Yes! Finally I won!”

“OH! Look at that!” you smile

he smiles back because of how proud you...

“...it’s sunny again!”

‘Goddammit y/n...’

Shopping trips together

not so helpful when the rules get stricter

“One adult at a time please...”

oh dear

who goes in?

so you go in

“Crap! Namjoon has the shopping list!”

this period of time really shows how you complete each other

pretty much every day you each think

“what would I do without him/her?”

Random talks

he tells you about this one book he read

and now you want to read it

so you do

and you can’t take your eyes off it

you find a new love for reading

so sometimes when you both need me time

you remain in the same room, just reading a book each

Every day you feel enlightened

almost sad at the thought of going back to normal life

because you won’t have as much time for yourself

Jin

Everyone is suddenly having the time to cook from scratch

imagine Jin’s frustration since he did this all along

so when certain things he usually gets aren’t in stock

“Oh for crying out loud!”

you sometimes have to calm him down when shopping

and since only 1 adult in at a time it’s like a really awkward phone call

you’re just stood outside alone like

“For Christ’s sake Jin! Calm down!”

but he makes every meal taste great anyway

“Sorry it doesn’t have the usual...”

“Jin, please!” you reply

because it’s still really yummy because

“you’re still the best cook in the world, okay?”

“Okay fine...” he sighs “Thank you”

can I just add here food is the only time you both get hysterical at each other

He still low key hoard particular ingredients when he FINALLY can get them

and you have to explain how irrational he’s being

“We don’t need SIX tubes of tomato puree!”

“Jin... How are we going to use up all THIS fruit and veg before it goes off?”

But he’s not selfish, no

if he’s in a shop and sees someone elderly, he helps them out

“Would you like me to reach that for you?”

“Do you need any toilet paper? There’s 2 packs left - here”

“Here’s my number; let me know if you need me to run any errands for you”

ahh you’re lucky to be living with such a gentleman

Daily walks in the park to feed the ducks

“This is the best kind of exercise” he tells you “...relaxed and where you can connect with nature”

some of the ducks at the beginning of the lockdown are a bit nutty

Jin may or may not be low key scared of that one goose

“I swear it’s giving me the evils”

it may or may not have chased him the second day in

“Wahhhhhh!!!”

*Jin running away in the distance*

You cooked for him that evening

“Honey, I don’t know how to put this...”

“Aw sweetie it’s okay about what happened in the park; I mean you were the one holding the bread and...”

“oh no no” he replies. “this meal is awful”

r00d

but it’s okay

you knew the minute you offered to make dinner it wasn’t going to turn out well

so you both agree the kitchen will be his space to work his magic in during lockdown

and he somehow gets better than he already is at cooking

just woowwww

foodgasm

but neither of you get podgy

Lazy exercises together

chair exercises watching the tv

small periods of jogging in the woods

“oh wow, what’s that?”

you come across some random squirrel

and all of a sudden trips to the park for that daily walk 

it turns into a nature watch

bird watching

luckily he forgets about the angry goose

Sometimes talking about what you miss

and then promising to do all of those things when everything is back to normal

so many plans

and it helps you both stay optimistic

because you just created a bunch of stuff to look forward to

Suga

Late night movie marathons

and accidentally getting into a routine of late mornings late nights

Cooking together

because neither of you want to do it

but someone has to

can’t live on instant food for all this time

Night time walks

less people, less danger

please don’t yell at me if we’re not supposed to do this in real life I haven’t actually been out that late during lockdown hahaha

it’s only around a few blocks

but deep talks, you know

There may not be much room in the back garden

but you have a ball and a hoop

basketball together

he teaches you to shoot better

“yes! I did it!”

*he hugs you from behind*

sorry that was gay

He’s actually quite chill about the whole lockdown situation

almost like he forgets the circumstances sometimes

“I think I might nip down to _____’s house today...”

“Uh, Yoongi, remember?”

“Oh yeah”

Detective series marathons too

the two of you trying to figure out whodunnit

sometimes even low key bets or light arguments if you disagree

a mildly sore loser when you’re correct

smug af when he is correct

Evenings lounging in the back yard with the drink of your choice

some quiet music on 

random hypothetical conversations and questions about life

“what if...”

“what happened to...”

“don’t you think that cloud looks like a goldfish?”

Board games that keep the brain stimulated

why is he so good at scrabble

you can’t recall a game you’ve won

but no monopoly

not after the last time

“I want a divorce!”

“We’re not married”

“Yet”

tbf you might as well be an old married couple

because there’s those films you just watch over and over

close to unlocking the power of mind reading

“want a cup of tea?”

“omg I was about to ask that”

Some days you get on each other’s nerves a little though

so you each occupy yourselves with little chores

and even though you weren’t in the mood to do anything together

you’ve just made the house look great in a day as a team

and you’ve got everything you need just in time for dinner

“I’m proud of us”

“I’m proud of us too”

J-Hope

Picnics in the back garden

much better than one in the park though

there’s no packing involved

there’s cushions

sometimes low key fine dining

your favourite is the one evening picnic the other day

you had been shopping alone for the essentials

and he wanted to surprise you

he had set up a makeshift table out of a few old crates

did the cooking

the pasta dish was lovely

there was even dessert

okay the dessert was M&S

fairy lights

seriously you swear you weren’t out for that long how did he manage all of this so fast?

wine

staring at the stars

and there were blankets too

dozing off until early hours of the morning

finally coming indoors at like 2am

sleeping in til noon oops haha

then binge watching some random show together 

and now it’s your new favourite

For some reason you have a big stock of popcorn

watching any old crap on the TV as an excuse to eat it

like there’s 3 films on this afternoon that sound shite

but you’re going to watch them all anyway

and the third one is actually really good

more popcorn more films

“we should probably go out at some point...”

whoops it’s been like 4 days now

and now it’s raining damn

fuck it, you go out anyway

dancing in the rain in an empty park

followed by shivering on the walk home

he gets in the shower first

but then runs a lovely hot bath for you

candles, bubble bath, the works

just so you can have some relaxing time to yourself

so thoughtful

lockdown doesn’t mean needing to compromise on showing you love each other

Jimin

You’re not quite sure how you got pulled into this

but Jimin decided to make use of his YouTube following

Virtual dance classes

and fun little exercise sessions for all the family

He does the dance classes solo

but he loves to flaunt you to the world even in lockdown

“Today joining me for this session... my lovely significant other, y/n!”

at first you felt uncertain and a little conscious

but thanks to Jimin your confidence grew

He helps you stay positive during a tough time

and you even feel like your self improvement has been going amazingly well

he even inspires you to make your own channel

to show the world what you love; [insert hobby/interest here]

people love the both of you

they go to Jimin’s channel to keep fit and happy

and your channel just fills them with joy

But not everything revolves around the virtual world

Care packages for all of your friends

food and other essentials get mailed to the ones that lost their jobs

and for the ones still working, a bundle of stuff for their mental well being

and a little drawing with rainbow colours in each

and a positive message

Woolly jumpers, cushions and hot chocolate

sweater paws

Sometimes in the evening you doze off

like you fall asleep just as you are

and you wake up to the smell of food and a blanket over you

Sometimes you miss your friends

and Jimin hates to see you down

so he organises a big surprise

his hands over your eyes as he walks you into the living room

“surprise!” you hear over the laptop

and then Jimin hands you some gifts 

he asked them all a few days ago to send you something meaningful

and your heart just melts

and you may or may not cry a little in front of your friends on the video call

you just have to do something in return so

You make the living room all nice whilst he’s making a video in the garden

wow you’re actually quite proud

the lighting is just right

the improv decor is actually somewhat aesthetic

“Honey, why’s it so dull in here..... Woah, what’s this?”

“Dinner’s ready” you smile

and you have a gift for him too

you can’t wipe the smile off his face when he sees it

a scrapbook of memories between you and him

which you look through after eating

“We’re going to make more memories like this once this blows over”

V

Lots of online socialising

Calls with his friends 

which you always end up being a part of in the background with your commentaries

Cute online double dates with Jimin and/or your best friend

Will try everything and anything to kill the boredom

“look what I found in the bargain bin at the supermarket!”

“Tae, I’m not really sure I’m in the mood to take up crocheting...”

but actually it turns out to be more fun that you thought

he has his little ways of making everything fun

one day you guys just find some random paints in a cupboard

and WOW

he’s so good at it

such beautiful landscapes

Makes sure that you both maintain some sort of routine

“best make sure we have an early night lovely”

“why? it’s not like there’s much to do tomorrow”

but no matter how sceptical you may be at times

he’s determined to be your sunshine

he helps you stay sane

makes everything sound productive

“because tomorrow we are going to make a playlist for when we walk, feed the ducks, go shopping, learn how to make a new dish...”

makes you a cup of tea just because

or breakfast in bed

the perfect companion

caring about even the people he can’t physically be with

“we haven’t heard from _____ in a while; we should drop a phone call or something”

but it isn’t just a phone call

it’s also a letter in the mail a few days later

plus a painting for the close friends

Dressing up really formal for a home date

3 course meal, courtesy of the microwave

then a slow dance in the living room

always the romantic

“tonight was amazing... will I see you again?”

“you are terrible Tae, you really are!”

such a joker

he keeps you smiling through it all

Jungkook

Tries to get you to go on daily jogs with him

“Can’t I just walk?”

“Come on, y/n; get those endorphins running through you!”

you try like once

*wheezing*

nope

Nintendo switch

Not that I have one welp

I can just imagine it okay

Lots of active games

thrashes you at Wii Sports Tennis

but you whoop his ass at Bowling

he does most of the shopping

so that he can go for a jog first

and also so he’s not out too often in any one day, two birds one stone and all that

Doesn’t quite always get the shopping list right….

“Jungkook?”

“Yes?”

“I wrote 1-2 bananas… You’ve brought back 12”

blames your handwriting

Small bits of banter like this keep you both sane

and he eats all those bananas in like 2 days

“What? There was no cereal in the shop”

someone teach this boy to cook please

*brings back like a crate load of instant noodles*

at least it means you’ve come up with something to pass the time

teaching Jungkook some basic meals

maybe beginning with breakfast first thing in the morning wasn’t the best idea

“Jungkook! I said keep an eye on it!”

“I did”

and he literally just watched the bacon burn instead of regularly flipping it over

bless

Singing to you whilst snuggling on the couch

bliss

meme-y dances before bed time

like you’ll be sat in bed maybe watching tv / reading

and something moves in the corner of your eye

oh my word Jungkook

*insert all the meme-y dances you have even seen him do*

the biggest dork

can’t stop laughing at his own silliness afterwards

jumps into the bed and puts his head on your shoulder

falls asleep like this quite fast

well you aren’t surprised since he’s always so energetic

Small campfires in the back garden

the best marshmallows you’ve ever had

and it’s so much fun

campfire stories

usually people have a guitar around the fire

not Jungkook though, no

*serenades you with a ukulele purposely singing out of tune*

has you in stitches

people in the neighbouring houses hear the laughter and some think it’s insensitive to be laughing so much

but seriously, if you can’t laugh, what can you do?

So I thought I’d make a post around the strange times many of us are living in. Whilst I get that some readers may not be in a situation like mine (UK) so a quick bit of context for you even though I made the location / country ambiguous in my writing. The circumstances explained in the imagines though are of course based on my experiences in England.

Right now, we are limited in what we do; only essential shops are open, (supermarkets, pharmacies, etc,) the country is being advised to go out as little as possible, (only for food shopping, medical reasons and exercise,) social gatherings aren’t allowed, our death rate has been increasing due to the virus (even our prime minister has it,) and our NHS is overwhelmed - currently more than 10,000 being treated as I’m listening to the news and writing this note. 

I hope everyone is staying safe and doing the right thing by staying indoors and maintaining social distancing.

[namjoonchronicles]

protocol • nj

↳ genre fluff, domestic, parenthood

↳ words 2.7k

↳ summary Not everyone has a clue on how to raise a genius child, especially you.

↳ warning none

This is third time in a row that you find yourself waiting in this office. The hideous view of the mahogany desk, the slanted photo frame by the door sill. When the secretary leaves her desk and gives you an annoyed look, you felt the need to rise from your chair and tell her exactly how you feel before she even gets near.

“Listen, with all due respect,” you began with a sigh, “This is a horrendous waiting spell, my husband and I—“

Namjoon just went out to get coffee for both of you and he came forward to a scene he wasn’t prepared for.

“How many more procedures do we need to go through, just!” your voice raises, “to get an elementary school scholarship? Other people have their jobs to get to, and honestly fuck you and your stupid protocols. Why do you even have an office when you’re out 24/7.”

Heels spun to see your husband’s caught in the headlights eye, holding up two coffee takeaways, probably stopped breathing 2 minutes ago. You grabbed your hand bag and the documents in the secretary’s hand, and told her with a menacing tone,

“If my baby boy doesn’t get the scholarship he very much deserved, that’s on you.”

You snatched the coffee from Namjoon’s hand and grumbled, “We’re leaving.”

Namjoon followed immediately after, too stunned to even say a word. The secretary, in her expensive Alexander McQueen, and Pandora bracelets stood there with her arms down. Namjoon bows numerous times, even as he exits the revolving door. His wife is fuming, he hasn’t had breakfast, or lunch, can this day get any worse?

Fuck that because his wife is marching towards the car and finds the parking ticket on the windshield. You crumple that up and throw it on the ground, fuming.

Namjoon zooms on in the balled-up parking ticket and picks it up from the tar road as you angrily climb into the car and shut the car door as hard as you can. Namjoon climbs in on the passenger seat, holding his breath.

By now, you’re leaning your forehead on the steering wheel, sniffling.

“Babe,” barely audible but full of soothing weight, his large hand covered your back, up and down, side to side. Then it crept up your shoulders,as he pinches them with just the right amount of pressure and presses his lips on them, whispering, “It’s going to be okay.”

You leaned back to your car seat, finally having calmed a little. Tears streaming down your cheek still. They just continuously roll. They just won’t stop.

“For all we care, Koya doesn’t even need the scholarship. We could totally afford the school,” he said with a little shrug and the clarity of a billionaire.

“Yeah but he deserves it, he worked hard for it...”

“But he doesn’t need it.”

Namjoon switches in his seat, “We’ve been battling this out for two weeks now, I think it’s time that we move on and pay him ourselves... it’s not like it was too much, you know damn well I could afford his fees without having to go through this trouble of asking signatures from people who are clearly shirking from their much needed duty.”

There’s truth in his words. But Hyun isn’t just enrolling into an elementary school. He was enrolling in an exclusive curriculum that was arranged for above average IQ. That, he got from his dad, you’re sure.

“The parking ticket,” you squeaked.

“I got it,” he shot.

After what seemed forever, the car finally moves. Koya is sent to an art class on weekends so when you fetch him, his clothes were stained with all kinds of color. Namjoon and you looked from the car window, with a fond smile plastered on both your faces.

“He couldn’t be more obvious ha,” you commented. And Namjoon just smiled wider.

“Go get your son,” you said through a big grin.

“I’mma go get my son,” Namjoon said, the seatbelt whirled, and the car door clicks open. You smiled at the view of his back as he jogs a little to cross the street to get to his son. He gestured for the little one to wait until he gets there. They’re like a big and small pair. Koya jumps into his father’s arm and you could tell that Namjoon was grateful for those hours at the gym. Koya is 30 kilograms at the age of 7 and chances are he is going to lose all that weight by 10. Then he is going to grow taller. He is already taller than most of his friends. And then you will have to deal with two towers at home.

After art classes, it is important for Koya to take a nap. Brains that rest well, work well. He doesn’t even have any do’s-and-don’ts, he eats literally anything, studies when he wants, watches TV. So, while all parents fret on what their kids eat, how many hours they watch TV, when they study, you never had to worry all of that. In your principles, kids should be kids and in a way that is acceptable by the society.

They shouldn’t be on the phone for hours. They should be doing things what 7-year olds should do. And you’re lucky that Namjoon, sometimes agrees with you. One of his arguments was that the phone was one of the greatest technologies ever made and now, you can observe the movement of the planet through an app.

In his words, “Isn’t that cool!” Blinding smile, twinkling eyes, all the fiasco.

Namjoon carries Koya in from the backseat, took off his shoes, socks, and lay him down on his space rocket bed. While you escaped to the showers, Namjoon shed his jacket and sat on the edge of his office desk, reviewing documents to be sent in order to self-sponsor his child. His silhouette forms, the orange sky behind him looking picturesque as he flips the pages slowly, taking to terms everything he needed to know.

You by now have reclined to the door sill on your sides with your arms crossed and a faint smile on your lips, boring into the view of him.

“Love,” you called.

Namjoon jerks his head up, hanging his jaw, mumbling, “...two hundred seventy-five thousand,” and registers that you have mentioned his pet name, “yes?”

“I was just thinking,” you thwarted further into his home office, to the two-seater sofa he has and sat, “Is this the right thing to do?” You looked up at him, briefly, not long enough for him to decipher your thoughts, “Sending our baby off to a system they say, made for children like him? Why do they make it sound like he’s different?”

“How do we know that we,” you paused and try to rephrase your sentence so it sounds right, but no matter how you switch the words, it sounds wrong, “You and I both know what it’s like to be in the system, the pressure, the title of a genius, the weight of the word. Koya’s just 7...”

Namjoon turns over his shoulder, sets the documents down on the desk, and rubbed the back of his neck, tutting his tongue.

“What if he ends up resenting us? The way we did with our parents, for sending us both to a special school and giving us depression before we even turned 12. All because we have the family’s name to live up to.”

Namjoon moves from the desk, to circle the mahogany coffee table, and to the seat next to you.

“You heard him yourself that he wants to go to this school, that he wanted this curriculum. You heard yourself that his teachers cannot,” he shut his eyes and re-phrased, “do not, have anymore materials to teach him because he was beyond that level of intelligence,” Namjoon covered your knees with his palm.

“I don’t want him to feel that his intelligence is the only thing that defines him.”

“That’s why we need to send him there, so they’ll teach him!” He rejoiced. But no matter what, you can’t deny the weariness in your heart. You were worried that a system different from others, will make him the odd one in the bunch. You for instance, cheated on your IQ test so that you scored lower than the initial ones because you heard your parents plan. Namjoon didn’t do his IQ test until he was in middle school and he narrowly escaped from attending a more specific curriculum for the gifted.

“Let’s give this a try, for the hell of it,” his voice softens.

“This is your son’s future,” you darted, poking his chest.

You stood up, abruptly. Namjoon pushes his tongue to cheek.

“I’m going to my parents, don’t wait up,” you shouted from the door. Namjoon hangs his head low.

“She was the one being all ‘my son needs to have this scholarship, fuck your protocols and shit’ and now, she’s not even sure,” Namjoon lifts his ass off the couch, mumbling to himself. But you change your mind like you change your clothes when it comes to what’s best for others. Because you know for a certain, while you put your earrings that evening, it’s your son who will have to deal with the aftermath. And any decisions made, in place of him, is your responsibility. And you know this, because Namjoon isn’t always going to be around for a discussion.

You will be left raising Koya alone most of the time.

Namjoon has to leave by midnight, and he’s unsure if you really need to be at your parents today. He didn’t think you should, but you sounded so certain that anything he says would be best thrown in the bin before it leaves his mouth.

He clears his throat, “Helsinki is tonight, just so you know— “

“—I know,” you put on your perfume, and rubbed your wrist together, looking at him through the mirror.

“I thought you might have forgotten— “

“—I won’t be out long, I just needed some clarity, some kind of foundation that I’m doing something right,” you explained, slipping your phone into your back pocket, brushed your shoulder against your husband as you walked out.

Two weeks after that conversation, Hyun, which was Koya’s actual name, was colouring in his colouring book when he said, “Mom, do you know that goldfish has an attention span of only 9 seconds?”

“No, baby. I didn’t know that,” you lied, you knew.

Hyun continued to colour, moving his head to the other side, “I got that fact from you, actually,” he passed.

Maybe Namjoon was right. Maybe you were underestimating your kid by thinking you know best. Maybe you’re afraid of something that hasn’t happen yet. Either way, as you pan out to the view outside the Trimage Apartment, where the skies are a concoction of lilac and pink, you prayed someone else would take the wheel.

“How come you do not know when your own husband is coming back?” Your mother nags you, as you held the door open for her.

“Because he would tell me if I needed to know. Chances are, he doesn’t even know when he’ll be back, so why bother asking?” You plopped on the sofa next to her.

“It feels like you’re doing this all on your own, by the looks of it...” she passed, looking around your apartment, scanning for whatever is out of place.

“What drinks do you want, ma?” You asked, already off the couch and speeding towards the kitchen, “Tea? Juice?”

“Juice sounds great,” she passed, “I came to keep you company, because I heard from your dad that Namjoon wasn’t around...”

“Aww, is it really because of that or are you bored of seeing dad pick his nose,” you chuckled.

“I don’t need to answer that,” your mom grimaced.

Hours after she came, while Hyun is away for a camping trip, you sat down with her, watching Pretty Women. Her favourite movie.

“You know, when you were younger, you showed incredible talent in academics and memory. Your dad and I were panicking, because when the doctor say it was above average, the reading, checking 6 out of 6 types of intelligence, we literally don’t know what to do...”

You lay your head on her lap this time, curled in a ball and to the side. You hummed in reply.

“I know you cheated on your IQ test thinking I’ll send you off to a boarding school if you did well, and although I think you were capable of it, I wasn’t ready to let you go despite what your father said,” she continued in a soft gentle voice.

It was then she revealed that all she wanted was for you to study at your own pace, at your own capability, without her interfering—or telling you that you’re made for something much better, much more difficult than this. For awhile, she thought what she did was right. Honing your mind by suppressing them. But she sometimes wished that she had went the other way. That she should have seen you for what you are without you fearing anything, without you over-calculating.

“I for sure, don’t know how Namjoon was raised, but I think when it comes to this, his mother is a more eligible person to be asked,” she pats your head. And your eyes bore into the screen at the view of Julia Roberts dazzling smile, not sharing the joy she had.

But rather, the insecurity of it all.

Miles away, several countries apart was Namjoon sitting in his black Sedan, waiting for his driver to get him where he needs to be next. While he waits, he scrolls down the missed call list, his wife in a good 17 of it.

He knows Hyun is away for a stargazing camp. He knows that his wife is still unsure about the curriculum. And he knows that he is running out of comfort words to present to his worry-wart wife. Some things are best unplanned. And some things are best waited out. His logical mind versus your soft heart—a familiar battle.

The moment you picked his calls up, he said, “We’ve been through this many times. We have had conversations and we’re running in circles of whether or not our son is capable of what he is capable of. And I say yes, while you say no. Harbouring all sorts of feelings, by staying on your side and I’m staying on mine and I think it’s safe to say that we both are sick of it—and I...”

“You’re right,” that isn't the retaliation he expected? That rare sound of defeat. He was so stunned he couldn’t even process it all in a string of a second. His wife, hot-headed butch of a wife say that he was right? Is this real? Is this even the right number? Yes, it’s his wife. He checked to be sure. Twice.

“You’re right, I’m overthinking it. I’m making my past as my son’s future, implying my fears as his, and see myself in him when he is himself,” you sighed into the phone.

“And I think, we will take him out only if he says he wants out, which he isn’t,” you added, “It’s hard when he looks up at me because I see myself. I forgot that you see that too. I mean,” you chuckled short, “Who else knows how to raise a kid smarter than yourself?”

“Babe, I love you. I’m catching the first flight home, and this time, I’m coming home when I say I am.”

The plane’s wing slices through the night sky.

“And our family will be whole again.”

Namjoon is poking toy swords into the air, next to you.

“Focus, Kim,” you scolded, “We came to find Koya’s birthday present, not yours.”

“I already got my birthday present,” he shot back, “I’m looking at her.” You turned to him to see a sleazy smile and a wink.

“If you do that again, I’m going to actually hurl something at your head,” you warned, “There’s something about you Virgos.”

“Well, like it or not, you’ve married a Virgo. The damage is done,” he then proceeds to make machine-gun sounds.

“What do you buy for a 7-year old genius?” You hummed.

“Whatever 7-year olds likes,” he wiggles his eyebrow and showed the very sword he was holding.

So that’s how you got three swords home. Not sure if this a blessing or a curse. But the smile on those two faces, what else can be better than this.

Fuck standard operating procedures. Fuck protocols.

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copyright © 2019 namjoonchronicles do not repost

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

what are your thoughts on the skeleton twins

Hi! I finished watching it last night but desperately needed sleep after because I knew I had things to do this morning, and I also wanted to process it (sometimes I have to take some time to process movies, other times I just word vomit about them).

This is kind of long but I’ll add a read more later when I have the chance!

Anyway; The Skeleton Twins...I really enjoyed it! I went in knowing absolutely nothing except that Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig were in it and playing twins, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. I think, given the two actors I mentioned, I was expecting pure comedy or something? But I was so blown away by the film and the performances they gave.

Obviously I love both Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig anyway but this movie really showed their serious acting chops. There were some funny moments too, of course, but they’re both really talented doing genres outside of comedy too, and it sometimes takes me aback when I see comedians do such a good job with non-comedic roles - then again, comedy is probably the hardest genre to pull off, and so it’s no wonder they’re both talented anyway. (I’m rambling, sorry!)

{below here I’m talking about themes related to mental health/suicide, and I can’t put a read more at the moment because I’m currently on my mobile - I will be putting a read more here when I get the chance later!}

I was so taken aback though because the film starts with Milo attempting to commit suicide and Maggie contemplating it, and I guess...it’s something I have struggled with, and so it really made my heart drop especially when I saw Milo in the bathtub and the water turn red. It doesn’t show him actually cutting but we all know what happened. Without going into too much detail, SH and mental illness is something I really struggle with, even though I’m slowly recovering these days - it never truly goes away though, you know it’s there even if you’ve gotten better and it’s something you learn to cope and deal with.

Honestly, I was sort of pleasantly surprised by how well the film portrayed mental illness and suicide with both the main characters. I felt at times I should have hated Maggie for cheating and lying to her husband but I also sort of empathized with her (not with the cheating, just the whole situation and being in a huge mess), and I think what made the film was the relationship between the two siblings because it’s so real and natural, especially if you consider the circumstances when they were younger. Their interactions as siblings was so believeable too, like sometimes you’ll watch movies with siblings and the siblings are all mushy or too at each other’s throats, and it’s unrealistic. They both feel so relatable and easy to connect to, though I suppose I am kind of more biased towards Bill’s character because he’s the reason I watched it (after seeing the clip of him dancing online - that was literally the only part I had seen before).

This is kind of dumb, but as I said, I thought they did a great job portraying depression and the aftermath of the suicide attempts? Like when Maggie was drowning herself and then panicked and tried to swim back up but couldn’t - I’ve heard stories of people who have survived jumping off of bridges or whatever, and they’ve said that after making that jump they instantly regretted it. I think that’s so accurate - it’s not glamourizing suicide either, like it would have been so easy to have her sink peacefully and be rescued without her wanting it and then realize what she’s doing but instead they showed the panic, the regret.

I think what especially caught my eye, however, was the fact that Milo was wearing bracelets on his wrists later in the film to hide his scars and like...? That is so relatable, that is something I do during the summer if it’s been one of those instances, I wear bracelets and wristbands and sometimes even tie a bandana around my wrist to hide it.

I don’t know if that’s just something I do/have done and I’m projecting, or if it’s because actual research/thought was put into it, but either way it was something that really stood out to me and made him more relatable?

I can’t remember the name of Milo’s ex teacher but he can get fucked for all I care. He took advantage and manipulated a teenage boy and I think that’s important to remember. It would be easy to just freak out because omg cute gay couple but to me I just saw it as a one-sided unhealthy relationship where one is manipulative and abusive to the other who feels like they need their love, and it’s kind of depressing - but then Milo basically says “fuck that” by the end, and it’s beautiful because it’s like he’s deciding “you know what, I deserve to be treated better” - and he does, he really does. Beforehand it felt (to me) like he allowed himself to be used and mistreated because he felt like that was the only way he could feel worthy, but then he grows and develops and I think that’s so important.

I think I should also briefly mention that the scene where Maggie tells Milo “maybe next time you should cut deeper” genuinely broke my heart for many reasons - because she’s so upset and her marriage is ruined and everything is a mess, so much so that she actually says that to him before immediately regretting it. And ofc I was so upset because that’s literally something your brain tells you when you’re depressed and suicidal/self harm, that maybe next time...yeah. You can see the flurry of emotions on his face as he processes what she said, like he’s in genuine disbelief that she - his own sister, his twin - said such a cruel and disgusting thing to him like that. It genuinely broke my heart to see, though I was glad they did eventually mend things between them.

Some other things I want to mention but don’t have the brain capacity to talk about properly because I’m exhausted and a dumbass:

The Marley and Me joke was so relatable omg, I read the more child friendly version when I was little but I had no idea the dog died and it broke my damn heart, so that little joke about Marley and Me was hilarious to me

Honestly I’m talking a lot about Bill Hader but I do truly adore Kristen Wiig too, like she’s probably one of the most diverse actresses who does all sorts of genres and projects - from voice acting to drama to SNL etc - and she’s incredible in this film.

Lance was a sweetheart and I feel sorry for him? Like he genuinely loved Maggie and was such a nice guy, and while some of the stuff he said wasn’t always helpful or correct, it came from a place of caring and that’s what matters. Also he was totally cool with his brother in law who he never met before coming and living in his house, and he even helped Milo get some work (even if said work WAS clearing brush away)

The scene where the twins go out and Bill Hader is dressed in drag is honestly a highlight of this movie

Actually the scene where he sees himself the first time in drag is also a highlight

The scene where the mother is making a long ass toast while everyone is waiting to drink their wine, and Maggie/Kristen Wiig just downs her glass before she’s finished is so relatable

Okay but there’s a scene where Milo goes to a gay bar looking for a lay and just...the night he goes, of course it’s fuckin “Dyke Night” (their words, not mine!) and then he comes home absolutely pissed and telling his sister and his brother in law that he just wanted “some c*ck”, omg I was laughing way too hard. Also let’s not forget that he said the two “lesbian ladies” he met were lovely and taught him to play darts, we love mlm and wlw solidarity!!

Well since we’ve already established I’m fucking trash for Bill Hader, let’s just include that moment where his character is shirtless (kinda) in bed

That scene where Maggie meets up with some woman she knew (in high school I think?) and that woman has a son, and the son is a little dick and the mom and the son are cussing at each other was a whole new level of hilarious I didn’t expect, like I was deadass expecting this chick to go on about how wonderful it is to be a mother even when he’s a dick to her, how it’s a great gift, but nope, she knows and even says he’s a fucking dick 😂

THE DENTIST OFFICE SCENE JESUS CHRIST I HAD TO PAUSE BECAUSE I WAS GENUINELY PISSING MYSELF WITH LAUGHTER?!

THAT DANCE SCENE AM I RIGHT, OMG, like he’s so cute and happy in that scene and then she joins in and it’s so dorky and fun??

I LOVE all the water imagery and shit, like maybe it’s just because I’m an absolute geek for swimming (it’s one of maybe three sports I don’t totally suck at??) and I love the cinematography underwater, whether it’s the skeleton key ring sinking or the scuba diving or Milo’s goldfish. So much wonderful cinematography and imagery!

This film has ultimately shown me that Wiig and Hader deserve Oscars and awards ASAP

Also this is just a general note to anyone reading, feel free to recommend movies to me anytime because I’m a cinephile and love getting to watch new films!

[whatcouldgowrong-ohthat]

A Day at Coney Island

Nonnie’s Request: “Could I request all your OCs going to Coney island together? Maybe with Bucky and another of the boys as a chaperone? 😲😲😲”

A/N: I can’t believe how excited I got for this request. Thank you, Nonnie, so much. And just know that my OCs are ALWAYS open for any requests ya got. This was amazing and the highlight of my day. :) Also, for this shot I basically plucked all of my characters out of their worlds and threw them in a new one. XD

Summary: It’s not every day that these guys can catch a break, but go big or go home, right?

Word Count: 3128 words

Warnings: This is tooth-rotting fluff. How could I make this angsty?? Seriously - It’s meant to brighten your day. But there is cussing. There’s always cussing. XD

--

Nothing could ever compare to Coney Island. The feel of the sun warming their skin? The smell of too much salt and sunscreen? Obnoxious laughter and carnival music ringing in their ears? Truly, there was nothing like it.

“Roll the window down! Roll it down!” Marie’s urgency and beating against her thighs was enough to earn a laugh from Jeneva.

Pulling up next to their second vehicle, Jeneva rolled down her corvette’s window. Aviators hid her glowing eyes as she watched the other car’s window disappear. She was met by Andie’s beaming face and Sam peeking around her from the driver’s side. “How did y’end up in the front seat,” she asked Andie, knowing very well that meant Shuri and Bucky had been crammed into the back. Both had wanted to ride with Jeneva instead of the mom-mobile minivan, but Marie had won rock-paper-scissors.

“Same way Marie won your ride,” Andie told her. The passenger doors opened automatically with people piling out. Bucky was grumbling about being crammed in the backseat yet again as Jeneva pulled her keys out of her car.

Sarah rolled her eyes, unable to fight her smile as Typhanie wrapped her arms around Sarah’s shoulders. “He was whining the whole way, Jen. Can you take him next time,” the blonde asked as Sam locked the minivan.

Marie pouted. “No way. I don’t want to ride in that thing.”

“But you made me,” Shuri reminded her. Marie’s ears turned a bright pink as her best friend teased her. It really didn’t matter what that girl said, it was too easy for her to fluster Marie.

Bucky came up behind Jeneva, amusement glittering in his eyes as he watched the younger Lebeau act like such a teenager. She could break into almost any network, rewrite codes as if she were singing her ABC’s, and yet Shuri simply talking to her was enough to make her awkward. “Remember,” he said, giving a pointed look to Andie and Jeneva. “No powers.”

Jeneva waved him off. “Y’no fun.”

“Come on!” Shuri grabbed Marie’s hand, interlacing her fingers and quickly pulling her ahead. “I don’t want to spend the whole day in the parking lot!”

Andie giggled as she ran after them. Really, the idea of going to the beach was her favorite part. She loved sunbathing and that ocean was practically screaming her name.

Sam came up beside Bucky. Them and Jeneva lagged behind, watching his kid and Steve’s quick on their feet. He glanced at Bucky, raising a brow. “This is going to be a mess of a day, isn’t it?”

“Oh, for sure,” Bucky told him, noticing Jeneva roll her eyes even behind her sunglasses. He flicked her hat before spinning the bill around, nestling it on the back of her head. “Let’s get there before they kill the whole park.”

--

While Coney Island was naturally a busy place buzzing with people and energy, the group had brought another sort of life to it. They were so used to their chaotic lives that days like this were rare indeed. But still – if they were planning a whole day here, they had to choose their moments wisely.

Arcade games during the day.

Crazy rides at night.

“And the little lady is a winner again!” Andie smiled far too innocently as she won the sharpshooter game. Again. Bucky looked from his water gun to hers and then to that dimpled smile she had. The silent look on his face said it all. How? How did she do it?

“I think we have a new sharpshooter,” Sam teased Bucky as Andie was handed a massive stuffed giraffe.

“Oh, shut it, Birdbrain.”

Typhanie, Sarah, and Marie were playing ski-ball, albeit all in their own way. Typhanie would shoot hers back to back, consistently hitting the center and second holes. Meanwhile, Marie was using her computer brain to calculate the precise angle needed for countless high scores. The top two holes were hit over and over again. Marie never missed.

Both women were on either side of Sarah, teasing her endlessly. This was clearly not her game. She was lucky to get the lowest ones and sometimes even managed to send the ball flying back her way.  A yelp shot out of her throat as the skiball flew towards her head. She ducked, looking over her shoulder just as Jeneva caught the ball. In her hand and in Shuri’s were caramel apples.

“Y’gonna injure someone, petite.”

“Sorry,” Sarah muttered.

Electricity crackled around the ball as she tossed it into the air, catching it again. Sidestepping Sarah, she took her shot. The ball landed in the middle hole, short circuiting it. Ticket after ticket poured out of the machine as Sarah’s eyes grew to the size of saucers.

“That’s cheating,” Shuri reminded Jeneva, whacking her arm.

“Oh, c’mon. It’s a game.” Jeneva laughed when she saw how big Sarah was smiling. “’Sides,” she whispered to Shuri. “The fille needed help, ca va?”

Shuri glanced at Sarah as she gathered up the tickets. “Fine, klepto, but Bucky did say no powers.”

Typhanie looked up, snorting when she heard that. “You’re kidding, right? He’s still pouting because Andie beat him at the water gun thing. I think he’s ready to declare it rigged.”

“Sounds ‘bout right,” Marie commented, not looking their way. Shuri grinned, a sneaky glint flickering in her eyes.

“Hey, Miss Marie.” She planted a sticky-sweet kiss on Marie’s cheek moments before the ball flew from her fingers. Beat red, Marie watched as her last ball landed in the gutter. Innocently, Shuri asked, “Was that my fault?”

“Uh – I -- “ Marie huffed, ducking her head. “Non. That was ‘cause o’moi.”

A warm pair of arms wrapped around Jeneva and she felt a chin rest on top of her head. “Heard y’lost a shootin’ game,” Jeneva teased, not bothering to look up as Bucky’s arms squeezed her gently.

“Shush you.” Bucky grabbed her wrist and brought the caramel apple to his lips.

Jeneva yelped, squirming in his grip to try to keep the caramel from dripping on her. “Can’t y’get y’own?”

He shrugged and released her wrist, munching on the treat. “More fun this way.”

Andie came over, struggling to keep her arms wrapped around the giraffe. “This thing is awesome.” Typhanie came up, running her fingers through the cheap fuzz that made up the giraffe’s fur. “We all need to leave here with giant stuffed animals.”

“Hell yes,” Typhanie agreed. “We could get a huge photo of them on the beach.” She looked at Sarah. “How does that sound?”

“I’m all for it, but not the shooting game. I suck at that.”

Typhanie whipped her head around, searching for something that would work. “What about that one?” She pointed and Sarah followed her gaze. There was one of those games that was kind of like ring toss, but it was set up with little plastic balls and fishbowls. Sarah smiled.

That would work.

“See you guys in a bit!” Sarah grabbed Typhanie’s wrist, earning a squeal of laughter before the two were heading towards the game.

“Gotta admit,” Bucky told Sam, noting the tension in his shoulders. “They’re cute together.”

“Yeah,” Sam mumbled begrudgingly. “Still don’t have to like it.”

Andie rolled her eyes. “Jeez, you’re such a dad, you know that?”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I am one then.”

“Alright, y’guys,” Marie spoke up, finally finding her voice again. “If we’re gonna make this photo happen, we should probably find more games. Where to next?”

--

Two hours passed and finally everyone had their own stuffed animal. Even Sam and Bucky. Since this was Andie’s and Typhanie’s idea, the pair were currently lining up the animals near the water, trying to find the best angles. Andie’s giraffe and Typhanie’s bear were on either end. Sarah’s elephant was propped against the bear and Shuri had managed to win an octopus that was delicately placed next to the giraffe. Not that anyone but Marie really noticed. Jeneva’s long-armed monkey and Bucky’s wolf were propped in the middle, separated at Sam’s insistence for his goofy looking goldfish with way-too-big eyes.

“Alright, perfect!” Andie jumped to her feet, pulling out her phone. “No one touch anything!” Her jeans were rolled up as she stepped into the water, attempting to get a good angle. However, the way the wind was blowing kept knocking her hair in her face. As much as she tried to get it out of the way, it wasn’t willing to work with her. It took Sarah pulling her hair into a messy ponytail for Andie to finally get her photo.

“That good for you,” Bucky asked. His metal arm glinted in the sunlight. Because they were closer to the water, he’d taken off his jacket and let Jeneva wear it. Was it necessary? Maybe not, but he knew it made Jeneva more comfortable about being closer to the ocean.

Andie stuck her tongue out at him. “Yeah, Old man, that’s good for me,” she mocked as the Lebeau girls snickered. She shrugged her tote off her shoulder. It was woven, painted to look like a rainbow. Inside was her beach towel and some sunscreen, but still plenty of room for all their prizes. “Alright, toss ‘em in.”

One by one, each stuffed toy was crammed into the tote until only the giraffe head was peeking out. Andie looked out at the water, noticing how pretty the sky was starting to look. As much as she wanted a chance to lie in the sun, she had to admit. She was having more fun spending time with her friends. “So…we did the arcade games,” she said, looking back at her friends. “What’s next?”

--

“HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIII – “ Bucky’s scream carried through the air with ease as they whipped through the Cyclone. It might have been Steve who had thrown up the first time they rode the crazy rollercoaster, but there was a true possibility that it would be Bucky this time around.

He collided into Jeneva, pinning her into the side of the cart. She laughed, her sunglasses tucked safely away and eyes glowing their pretty gold. “Fuck, y’heavy,” she shouted over the roar of rumbling wood and metal.

“Everybody, hold on,” Shuri said, not even bothering to listen to her own advice. She threw her hands into the air as Marie attempted to shrink in her seat.

“Fuck! Shit! Damnit!!” The slurs weren’t enough for Marie. She quickly switched to her French tongue as her thick hair waved frantically in the wind. “’M gonna die, ‘m gonna die!”

“God, you’re no fun,” Sarah shouted at Marie as she and Typhanie slammed into one another around the curve. The ride was old. And creaking. Half the terror that came from the ride was due to the sheer curiosity of whether or not it would stay in one piece.

And being the thrill seeker that she was, Sarah loved it.

Typhanie yelped as her ribs slammed into the metal bar. Oh, that hurt. She twisted slightly, clinging to Sarah as their cackling filled the air. That alone was the reminder for the group that this was certainly their idea.

“I’m picking the next riIIDE!” Sam shouted from behind as Andie cackled next to him.

Half of the team were heroes, used to training and fighting against the bad guys. But facing the Cyclone? That was a whole other beast.

Stumbling off the ride, Bucky leaned heavily against Jeneva as she attempted to put her sunglasses on. “Homme, y’a super soldier! A coaster ain’t gonna send y’t’ya knees.” Bucky chuckled. Apparently her comment was enough to send his mind reeling. He leaned forward, whispering something in her ear that earned a bright pink tinge to her cheeks. Huffing, Jeneva elbowed him in the stomach. The obnoxious grunt that came from him was enough to satisfy her. “Behave y’self.”

“You’re no fun, Doll.”

“How ‘bout somethin’ a petite calmer,” Marie asked, her hand clinging to the crook of Shuri’s elbow. “Sil vous plait?”

Shuri gave her a small smile. Marie was definitely calmer than Jeneva. She didn’t thrive off of energy, something the other Lebeau had to do because of her powers. Marie preferred staying tucked away in her computer lab, exploring a world in technology that no one else had really understood before the two had met. Brushing some of Marie’s tangled hair out of her face, Shuri asked, “What about the Wonder Wheel?” She looked at the others, seeing them all share a look that meant they were on board.

“Wonder Wheel,” Andie said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “Here we go.”

--

It’s a much calmer experience than the Cyclone had been. Everyone piled into their own passenger cars. The lights flickered, glowing against their skin. “You and your friends picked a good time,” the attendant told Typhanie and Sarah. “The fireworks should be starting soon.”

“Cool,” Typhanie tugged Sarah in, laughing when her girlfriend stumbled into her seat. Sarah huffed, running a hand through her hair as the attendant closed the door. “Aw, you’re pouting,” Typhanie teased, poking her cheek.

“Shut up,” Sarah muttered, throwing her legs across Typhanie’s lap. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“I could say the same thing to you.” Typhanie tugged her legs closer, forcing Sarah to get tucked into her side. Knowing Sarah wasn’t really upset, she gave her a sweet kiss.

Sarah giggled against her lips. “I thought the tradition was to kiss the girl at the top of the Ferris Wheel.”

“When do we ever follow tradition?”

Their laughter bubbled up, carrying to Marie’s and Shuri’s passenger car. They were sitting across from each other, the car gently rocking as they looked out at the water. It was a beautiful sight with the moon reflecting in the waves. “Merci,” Marie whispered, fingers playing with the ends of her hair as Shuri turned to look her way.

“For what?”

“Pickin’ this ride. It’s exactly what I needed.”

A small smile tugged at Shuri’s lips. She knew she wasn’t supposed to move around in the car. Not when they were in the air. But it couldn’t be helped. She moved quickly, noticing the way Marie sat a little straighter, and plopped into the seat next to her. “I like you.” Shuri noticed the panic flashing in Marie’s eyes. “A lot. And I know you’re freaking out, but I also know you feel the same way. You aren’t subtle.”

Marie bit her lip, eyes flicking and searching Shuri’s face. “I – I – “ She felt like she couldn’t talk. Taking a slow breath, Marie admitted, “I don’t understand romance. Or fallin’ in love. I’m not like mon famille who just dives in headfirst. I’m awkward…And I like when t’ings make sense. Romance and love don’t. And that terrifies moi.”

Shuri was waiting for the but. There had to be one. Surely, she hadn’t been imagining what was happening between them. Right?

“But I do. Like y’, I mean. I’m just really bad at understandin’ what that means.”

Shuri felt giddy. She didn’t mind the need to understand that came with Marie. It just meant that they had to work together. Intertwining their hands, Shuri gave a gentle squeeze. Marie shifted her gaze to their hands. It fit so well. “Maybe,” Shuri offered, nudging her with her shoulder. “We take it slow? And figure it all out together?”

Marie smiled, looking back at Shuri. “I t’ink I can get behind that.”

Jeneva had been watching from above, peering over the edge and trying to hear everything that was going on. She couldn’t help it. She liked making sure that Marie was okay.

“Get over here.” Bucky looped his flesh arm around her waist, tugging her back into his chest. “She’s a big girl, Jen. Let her figure it out.”

“I know,” Jeneva grumbled as she turned towards Bucky. He pushed her sunglasses on top of her head, smiling when he saw that liquid gold flickering in her eyes. “I just don’t want ‘er t’get hurt. That so bad?”

“No, it’s not,” Bucky assured her, his thumb running along her cheek. He watched as electricity ran under her skin, chasing after his thumb and making her skin glow. There was a time when he had thought those powers could only hurt people. Now…he knew that sometimes her powers had a calming effect. They could provide warmth and an odd feeling of fullness that he had come to love. Just like he loved her. “But we’re at the top of the Wonder Wheel,” he told her just as the ride pulled to a stop. “And I’d like a bit of your attention before you force me into that minivan again.”

Jeneva’s jaw dropped, a shocked laugh filling the air. “I didn’t! Marie won fair ‘n’ square!”

Bucky grinned. “Whatever,” he said, not fully believing that she would have forced Marie into the minivan.

The crackle and pop of fireworks grabbed their attention. Jeneva settled in on Bucky’s lap, resting her head on his shoulder as the sky lit up. Though her eyes watched the glow and show intently, his gaze was focused on her. The way her eyes flickered a little brighter with every new firework. How warm she felt because of the electricity coursing through her veins. The way her steady heart always made him feel calm. Pressing a small kiss to her forehead, he rest his cheek on her head, careful of the sunglasses, and looked back to the show she was so entranced by.

“How much you want to bet that none of them are actually watching the show?”

Sam glanced back at Andie. She had that same old, knowing smile on her lips. He scrunched his nose. While he and Bucky were supposed to be the chaperones for the day, he knew that Bucky would slack off since Jeneva was there. But still…

He didn’t need to picture it.

“I need you to keep those thoughts to yourself. One of them is my kid, you know.”

“Oh, I know.” Andie grinned like the cat that ate the canary, cuddling into her giraffe as another firework burst in the air. “That’s why I said it.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “You’re as mean as Barnes, you know that?”

Andie laughed. “Careful. Imagine if I was his kid.”

He shuddered. “Nope. No, that’s worse than the idea of all of them ignoring the show.”

Andie’s laughter, though drowned out by the fireworks, was filled with warmth. The type that could only come from a day like today. A day with friends. With family. A day at Coney Island.

[thefanficfaerie]

West Wing Quote Challenge

I think I have watched The West Wing about 4 times. It has become one of my favorite shows. It has some of the best quotes. And I really wanted to do a challenge while I was watching. But I had the Disney Quote Challenge and didn’t feel that was right. So here is my West Wing Quote Challenge.

Here are the Rules: 

1. You can only use the characters I have listed. No Peter Parker (except in the case of Superfamily). No Bucky Barnes or Sebastian Stan. I am not in any way, shape or form attracted to Sebastian Stan. So I won’t read it.

2.  Send in an ASK with your character choice and quote. You can double up but no more than two people per prompt and they have to be different characters. Once a prompt is full I will cross it out.

3.  If your story is more than 500 words please use a read more. I will not reblog any story that does not have a read more.

4. The preference is reader insert. You can do OFC just let me know.

5. No angst unless it has a happy ending. No cheating fics either. 

6. When you post please tag me and use the tag #west wing quote challenge.

7. THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE!!! HAVE FUN!!!! Cause that is what writing is all about.

8. Due Date. I dont have one yet. 

Characters

Steve Rogers Tony Stark  Stony x Reader Stony Stucky x Reader Rafael Barba  Jim Kirk  Leonard McCoy McKirk x Reader McKirk Robb Stark Aaron Hotchner  Eomer Chris Evans 

Quotes

1. I want this back in the cardboard box it came in. I don't want to see you or talk to you 'til that's done. 'No way' is not an acceptable answer. 'I tried' is no longer an option. You started this thing, and you're gonna damn well going to finish it with either a blue ribbon or a great big deafening silence.

2. "Never Doubt That A Small Group Of Thoughtful Committed Citizens Can Change The World."

3.  "I Have Wit, I Have Charm, I Have Brains, I Have Legs That Go All The Way Down To The Floor, My Friend."

4. About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.

5. "Decisions are made by those who show up."

6. One last thing: While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

7. My father gave this to me, and his father gave it to him, now I’m giving it to you.

8. Watch this.

9. Person A: If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for beer.      Person B: If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for red lights

10. Person A: What are you holding?       Person B: [Name] said you liked goldfish.       Person A: The crackers. The cheese things you eat at parties.

11. Just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong and get used to it.

12. How tall are you? I can’t believe we are the same species.

13. I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.

14. Person A: When you flirt with me, are you doing it to get something ?          Person B: No.       Person A: Why are you doing it?       Person B: I'm doing it to flirt with you.

15. Why is there hugging? 

16. "So, if I'm gonna jump off the cliff, and you're gonna get pushed off the cliff, why don't we hold hands on the way down?"

17. There is no such thing as too smart. There is nothing you can do that is not going to make me proud of you"

18.  "You don't have the power to fix everything... But I do like watching you try."

19. "Your wife's beautiful, too. How'd you get her to marry you? Did you trick her or something?"

20. "Happiness is my default position."

21. The only thing you ever had to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day."

22. "Can I assume from your total silence and blank faces that you're all with me?"

23. "No, I did not. Let me be perfectly clear I did not do that. Except...yes, I did that."

24. "I don't know what kind of salad it is, I'm eating a salad, okay? I'm doing it, do I have to know the names? There's no difference between them, it's a bowl of weeds! Some of them have cheese, this isn't the kind with cheese, does that answer your question? "

25. "Nature, like a woman, will seduce you with its sights and its scents and its touch, and then it breaks your ankle, also like a woman.

26. Can I have a couple of aspirin or a weapon of some kind to kill people with?"

27. Person A: "I'm just going to change my shirt."      Person B: "You look bad. You're tired. You slept in the office. It's Friday. Go home."       Person A: "Why?"       Person B: "Because I think you're putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new shirt."

28. There’s literally no one in the world I don’t hate right now.

29. You're a smart savvy woman who could easily consider world domination for a next career move.

30. There’s no one in this room who wouldn’t rather die than let you down.

31. We should organize a staff field trip to Shenandoah what do you think.

32. I didn’t realize babies came with hats.

33. I’m sorry to be rude but are you a moron.

34. So it’s ok to have sex in a hotel but not my apartment.

35. I want us to talk because I like the sound of your voice. 

36. With that, I’m going to get a cupcake. 

37. I embrace the cold. I luxuriate in the cold. I fight the cold with more cold. 

38. You really think we have a secret handshake, dont you?

39. I’m telling your mother, you forgot where she lives.

40. Everytime you talk, I hear that sound that plays when pac man dies.

41. Person A: If they find out you’ve been there I’m going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass.        Person B: Technically, I outrank you.        Person A: So far up your ass. 

42. I need some pie.

43. You know I could beat you up anytime I want to sir. 

44. Well, you go girl.

45. My problem is I want to jump him when he says things like that. 

46. Ignore him. The rest of us do. 

47. Just once in this job I would like to end the day feeling as good as the day started. 

48. Pumpkin patch, is there anything I can do to get you to go to the movies for eight hours?

49. “My getting killed would be bad enough, but that is not the nightmare scenario. The nightmare scenario, sweetheart, is you getting kidnapped.

50. You are a very powerful and handsome man. 

tags; @auduna-druitt @captain-rogers-beard @pinkamour1588 @captainsbabysitter-blog @tilltheendwilliwrite @pegasusdragontiger @prettyyoungtragedy @4theluvofall @promarvelfangirl @outside-the-government @nomadicpixel @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @after-avenging-hours @starshiphufflebadger @medicatemedrmccoy @imoutofmyvulcanmind @onedarksea @whiskey-cokenfanfic @all1e23 @girl-next-door-writes @barnesrogersvstheworld @beccaanne814 @haveyouseenmymind @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @invisibleanonymousmonsters @janeykath318 @kaunis-sielu @wickedsingularity @meganlpie @redlipstickandplaid @madpanda75  @theycallmebecca

[aabaker1]

Just finished Harvey Girls season 2

First spoiler-free Version. Season two of Harvey Street Kids or Harvey Girls Forever call it what you want, was...uneven. The season started and ended in good places, but there was a block of three episodes towards the middle that just fell flat. Good new characters, though only a few of them got developed. And I am really hesitant about the cliffhanger, it could easily go wrong in a lot of ways.

Okay time for the full rundown after the break.

Hoo boy this series had some highs and lows. I’ll break down by episode and then final thoughts.

Raiders of the Lost Park:

Okay does anyone else notice that the episode titles Netflix presents aren’t always the same as the ones on the title card? It’s not that big a deal, but come on, it’s Dreamworks and Netflix. A little consistency would be appreciated.

Nice way to start the series. This was a risky move, introducing brand new characters was one thing, but giving Audrey and Melvin, two established characters, brand new siblings? That was taking a risk. If I had to complain about something the tension and strife Dot caused in the season 1 finale was brushed aside way too quickly, but that’s a nit pick at most.

Dottie Rocket/Weekend at Audrey’s:

Good Dot episode, nice to see her obsessive compulsiveness get the better of her sometimes. But, Dot sill came back down to Earth in the end, even if it took a sugar-induced hallucination to do it.

Digital pets kicking the bucket, sigh, I can relate. But Audrey was just a bit out of character here. Not her recklessness, but her attempts at covering up. Audrey is not the type of person to hide mistakes, get frustrated by them, sure, but not hide them. Okay, she didn’t want to disappoint Lotta, but Audrey just doesn’t have that kind of deception in her.

Boy Story/ Puzzle, Puzzle, Toil and trouble.

And this is what I meant by character development. It’s nice to see that even the Bloogie Boys have limits, and legitimately like more than stereotypical boy hobbies. Also, nice touch remembering Dot and Pinkeye are friends.

Frufru, getting character development? Didn’t we already do this in season one? Okay, I know, people don’t just change overnight. But, for being so eager to be recognized for her brains, Frufru was a bit too quick to cheat. Though nice callback to Audrey Parkour. And I seriously don’t want to know why there’s an old well full of butter, that is just leads to several nasty implications.

Treasure of the Sierra Harvey/ Babies Day in:

And the character development continues, this time for TIny. Also not all old toys are dangerous. The treasure trove of old toys idea has been done before, but this wasn’t a bad example. Though I thought for sure Tiny was going to leave his action figure behind in the storm drain.

And a nice way to show that Lotta’s compassion can get out of hand some times. Also nice way to show that raccoons aren’t always jerks. Just gonna say it now, ninja pajamas, just ninja pajamas. Also, Dot, running bare-foot, outside, in the park? What kind of bizzaro world is this?

The Lice Storm/ Mission Impossibow:

This one kinda fell flat for me. Audrey over reacting is expected enough, but everyone going along with it, including Dot, that was a bit too far. But, the big letdown was the Harvey Avenue Kids. Okay we’ve seen them before in season one, but this was there chance to shine. And most of them came off as background filler, just like before. Penny was the only one who got any kind of development. But, she and bald Audrey did just enough to save this ep for me.

Decent episode and it shows Dot’s possible great weakness. She’s creative, but in a scientific, A, to B, to C kind of way. Imagining fantasy scenarios on the spot is just not in here wheelhouse, props to her stepping outside of her comfort zone.  Bow initiated the plot here, but didn’t get a lot of character development. But, I’m okay with that. The Bow doesn’t really need development. She’s the bow, the weird kid who does her own thing, sometimes you don’t need to add more to make something good. My only complaint is that there just wasn’t enough of her this season, but I guess there can be too much of a good thing. Did I mention Bow’s my favorite character? Could you tell?

Fandom Menace/Moby Dot:

This one was a meh for me. It didn’t do Lotta any favor. I know she’s the trusting type, but she’s not dumb and certainly not the type to willfully delude herself. I think this was a bit of a miss step. Thankfully they didn’t do the cliche of scamming Zoe out of the ticket she sold. Lotta’s online appeal did fit her character and kudos to Crush4you to being stand up guys and respecting their fans like that.

The Cheer Hunter: Dot’s entertainment:

And more character development in an unexpected direction. So far Zoe’s two appearances had her solidly in the antagonist role, but here we she she’s actually a person, not just a stereotype. Also Maria feeling generally dissed by Zoe fast-tracking Lotta felt genuine. It’s nice to see them do plots that don’t involve someone getting their comeuppance. And everybody coming together to cheer Lotta up was a perfect touch. Also, Dot and Stu being completely (whatever) to the whole situation was funny as hell.

And once again we have Dot at her Obsessive Compulsive best. She discovers a new side to herself and like Dot, naturally takes this to the extreme. Also, nice to get a glimpse of how Dot’s brain works.  Also, Fluffy’s still around, what? You do remember that was just a rat covered in garbage can fuzz, right?

I wanna Crush Your Hand:

And this is where the dip in the season started. I’m just going to say it now, I’m not the target demo for boy bands, not by a long shot. But, that wasn’t the problem I had with this episode. No the main problem was Lotta’s obsession taking up the whole spotlight. It felt like Audrey and Dot just got shoved into the background. Plus this episode just dragged. I’ve gotta say it, I think the two stories an ep format works best for this series. The double-length story just doesn’t fit, here.

Beyond Thunder Dot: Ten things I hate about Ew:

And this is where the season hit the valley for me. Seriously, you’re doing the “Let’s shove the environmental message down kids throats” Thing in 2019? I thought that went out of fashion in the 2010s. But, the most galling thing for me was all that character developing they were doing came to a complete halt. Frufru’s character development? Nah, let’s just turn her into a low rent Captain Planet villain. And since when did Dot get that preachy? I’m sorry but this got so painful for me I had to stop the ep and walk away. Ten things I hate about Ew might have been a decent episode, I don’t know. And I never will if I have to sit through this outdated, anvilicious garbage to get to it.

Something’s Glotta Give/Afernoon Contrite:

I think the main thing with this story is it made no sense to me. I thought Gerald and Lotta got together in season one, now Lucretia’s trying to hook them up, what?

This is where the season started to pick back up for me. It’s nice to see that even after the previous character development Melvin can still be Melvin. It’s nice to see that Lotta tries to fix things, even if she did it by accident, but naive Lotta is back and I just don’t know how I feel about that. Still seeing Melvin get a bit more character growth saved this one.

Can’t Hardly Wait/Bring it Prawn:

Ah that’s more like it. This touches my fanfic-writing heart. It’s nice to see Lucretia stretching her active imagination. It’s also nice to see the Audrey Girls and  Tiny encouraging her self confidence. Plus in short order we got return of Audrey the Destroyer, Sci-Fi Dot and Lotta Moon, what’s not to love?

Thank you! Thank you for showing that cartoon siblings can do more than just fight with each other. This almost makes up for the environmental debacle, almost. In one fell swoop we see Maria and Melvin get along and Zoe and Audrey put their differences aside and work together for a common cause. Bonus points seeing Zoe stick up for Audrey. Audrey may be an annoying twerp, but she’s Zoe’s annoying twerp, damn it! Also, anyone else imagine buff Zoe and Audrey when Dot kept saying aabs.

Hover, may I board with danger/free Gilly:

And here’s Stu’s character development. Stu always seemed the odd man out. While Zoe and Maria have Audrey and Melvin to play off of, Stu was just sort of there. Now we see his too cool for school attitude is really a front for him being sensitive and a little insecure, that’s a nice touch. Also Audrey gets to grow as a person. First she was just legit conning Stu for time on the hover board, which was really just a Segway without the handles, but then she genuinely gets into the contact juggling. And one of her plans actually works for once, what? Also, what is up with Bobby this season, last season he was the older kid who doled out sage advice and could be a little jerkish sometimes. Now this season the sage advice stuff is all but gone and we just get the jerk, everyone else gets character development, but Bobby actually backslides a bit, guess they had to cut corners somewhere. 

Finally a payoff to the running gag of Audrey’s goldfish issues. Nice to see that finally wrapped up. But, was it strictly necessary to give the animals voices? Okay, I admit it wasn’t so bad for Bobby the skunk, but every freaking animal? Yeesh, I mean there is such a thing as subtlety.

That thing you Dot!/Where the streets have no games:

You know, at first I thought I was going to hate bring Chevron back, didn’t she and Dot make peace back in season one? But, then I found that I really didn’t hate it. Dot used the wrong word. Chevron is not a frenemy, she’s a competitor and that may actually be a good thing. Dot and Chevron are very similar, they like to take hobbies to the absolute extreme and there’s nothing wrong with that. They two drive each other to succeed. In fact if they didn’t have each other they probably wouldn’t do half as much as they do. And Kudos bring Penny back and giving her a voice, she’s going to be the lead Harvey Avenue kid, I just feel it.

And here we are, okay, I’ll go through ep first before getting to the diamond-studded elephant in the room. Nice commentary on mobile games and how their designed to addict you. And yeah they really are just excuses to gather data. Also, nice touch Lotta and Audrey being the only ones who weren’t suckered in. Sadly Dot’s obsessive compulsive tendencies made her an easy target. But, then we go into that cliffhanger. Yeesh, that cliffhanger.

Finale Thoughts:

I’ll just say it. I know they were going to pull Richie in at some point. But to quote the Bow, not this way. The entire idea behind Richie Rich is that in spite of being the richest kid on Earth, Richie was a normal, average kid, who just wanted to make friends and have fun. He was never portrayed as being snobbish, sheltered or clueless.

Only now it’s clear Richie set up the mobile game and the contest to try to figure out how kids have fun. Not only is being clueless, he’s using money to try to solve his problems, which Richie never did.

And worse it’s predictable. I can tell where this story is going. The Harvey girls together maxed out the fun-o-meter, so Richie’s going to take them off to his estate to be his new friends and the Harvey Girls are going to bring him down to Earth.

But, they shouldn’t have to. Richie has always been portrayed as already being down to Earth. Now they’re going out of their way to portray Richie as a clueless rich kid who doesn’t understand how the real world works, and that is just wrong. That’s not Richie. Although nice touch with the Irona reference.

But, there’s something that worries me even more. Now that you’ve pulled the pin on Richie, where do you go with him from here, does he become a regular? I hate to say it, but I hope not. 

You have to remember, that by default, Richie is the biggest presence in the room. If you over use him he could quickly over shadow Audrey and the others, in fact, he already has once before.

I’m taking about Harvey Comics. For over ten years, Audrey, Lotta, Dot and their friends ruled Harvey comics. Then Richie, Wendy and Casper came along. And within a few short years Audrey and company were all but forgotten. I just hope to go they have enough sense not to try to make this the Richie Rich show. I think they do. I think they understand a way to use Richie right and they already done it in the same episode, with Chevron.

Chevron is a big personality, so they don’t overuse her. So far she’s shown up once a season and that’s just right for her. It’s all she needs. If she were on regularly she’d drown the others out too much. But, this way when she shows up it’s a big deal. I think that’s the perfect approach to take with Richie, less is more. Just don’t turn him into a clueless rich kids, please? 

[lavender-annd-lilac]

There’s just so much good stuff here I want to poke at everything 🥺

⚠️ I’m serious tho this comment is really long and won’t add anything to ur life tbh so… decide wisely if u want to read it haha⚠️

Nero and Brutus

Hmmm what should I name my lions?

How about… I name one after the emperor who killed his pregnant wife, castrated a slave to “replace” her, and then totally fumbled the Great Fire of Rome.

And the other one I guess I’ll name after the 2nd most infamous traitor after Judas. Yeah, those are definitely appropriate names!!

🦁🦁😵‍💫

I’m kind of wondering if u chose them for ~symbolic reasons tho? Like is Nero foreshadowing Ransoms future behaviour as king? (I mean, if he’s just Nero-lite ie a party boy I guess that wouldn’t be too bad for the kingdom?)

And then Brutus killed his father figure Caesar just like Ransom killed his dad?

Me rn:

U rn:

the Queen, died mysteriously

Oh I believe the formal term for this is: CAUSE OF DEATH = HOMICIDE 💀

We don’t give our enemies what we’ve held for centuries!”

The medieval version of “we don’t negotiate with terrorists!”

because you couldn’t kill your father as cleanly as you liked.

😲😲😲😲

Maybe it’s an open secret?

😅

My opinion on Walter is pending atm. Is he going to be like uncle Scar from the Lion King? Or is he going to be like Varys/the master of whisperers from GoT? He seems pretty politically astute…

🤔

I will invite him into the lion’s den.

I love how this works figuratively and as a metaphor!!

The stuff with the plant is also super interesting. It reminds me of Pan’s Labyrinth when the kid has to like water the mandrake root or give it blood or sthg

You are very fortunate, my lady. Handpicked by the Prince himself

“y/n, will u please accept this rose?” 🌹

(Loooool sorryyy)🤣🤣🤣

“I take it that you feel like you’re between two worlds,

Don’t anyone DARE tell me they didn’t also think of this song. This shit better be on the Reign OST y’all

😤

I trust that this conversation will never reach the Prince. He cared very much for his father and I believe that to bring this up would cause him considerable pain.”

Oh sorry, I think I stepped into the male cow bathroom by accident bc it smells like BS in here

💩💩🤧

Im wondering if Emeric has his own agenda or if he’s also being puppeteered by someone else

Also the part about the king’s body disappearing… I think Tay said it best with, “no body no crime (ft. haim)”

Side note: my goldfish brain can’t handle all these characters imma need to make a cheat sheet for reals

“I could not ask for more, Your Majesty,” Hanad says, bowing his head in appreciation. “I assure you I had no expectations.”

Ok is it just me or is this low key RUDE? 😂 like imagine u throw a Halloween party:

U: hey friendo, are you having a good time??

Friendo: ya I’m having a great time! I literally had zero expectations for this party tbh

U: 😣

A maiden past the years of what he is accustomed to has him on guard. He half expects you to be an old maid, hair of gray and missing teeth.

Hahaha what an old medieval notion!! Definitely not something we still think today in these modern times!!!! (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, for your enjoyment )

🥴

He’d sooner toss them to his beloved pets should they have looked at you a different way

Not to like question the new murderous king or anything… but dude u only have 2 lions and they can only eat so many people???

😟

turning around to see that he’s vanished completely

Wait what?? Is this like in Midsummer’s Night Dream when a guy plays the role of “wall”?

Or is it more like :

Or is it more like :

And reader is BOTH CHARACTERS??? Lol jk

😜

The two moons shine brightly

OMFG why is this the most shocking thing I’ve read in like 26 years??? I literally never thought to assume this wasn’t planet earth lmao

He seeks an audience with Formad

Wait is this a new guy or someone I forgot? 😭 u really meant it when u said GoT inspired huh 😂

Whew 😮‍💨 that was A RIDE. like, if I was Major Tom and this fic was outer space, I’d also fake my own death to be able to keep reading this forever??? Oh u know what I think I’ll leave the metaphors to u haha

reign - ii.

I told myself I was going to wait to see if people liked the first chapter and I guess it was enjoyed, haha.

So here you go, have another chapter.

Previous

King! Ransom Drysdale x Female Reader

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, family toxicity, angst, mentions of murder, threats.

Summary | After the untimely death of the King, a family is thrown into a dangerous game of politics, navigated by a man who offers up his niece as a bargaining chip to secure his place in the realm.

Ransom gazes over the balcony, his two beloved lions, Nero and Brutus, fighting over a carcass. Brutus rips an arm from the body, settling down to enjoy his selection.

He’s inclined to toss another body over, just for the frustration that runs through him at the thought of what he had promised. His own dawning empire could be threatened by a careless moment but he stands strong in his belief that he has made the right decision.

Even if others disagree.

“How can you stand there and watch them eat?” Walter asks, his uncle leaning on his cane for a moment, refusing to come any closer.

“They are powerful. A good reminder of what we are,” Ransom replies. “Are you here to try to attempt to have me reconsider?”

Walter taps his cane on the ground in irritation.

“Do you trust Hanad?”

Ransom watches his pets for a moment longer, turning back to his uncle who sits on a chair, eyeing him carefully. His uncle has been worried since the beginning, from the day his mother, the Queen, died mysteriously, leaving the King Consort to rule. 

And it ceased as quickly as it began.

“I trust no one, Walter, you know that.”

“Then why agree to the marriage? You should have rid yourself from him the minute he saw you. You gave him power, Ransom! We don’t give our enemies what we’ve held for centuries!”

“Is that what you think? That I freely gave him whatever he wanted?” 

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. He doesn’t belong in our lands, doesn’t belong in this castle. You invite him in, to potentially hold a council seat because you couldn’t kill your father as cleanly as you liked. I warned you that he was going to struggle and you didn’t believe me. I could have cleaned up the mess on my own.”

“One death would lead to two,” Ransom counters slowly. “Then what would you have me do? Kill the rest who took his body? Kill you for your insolence? Men like Hanad aren’t stupid, Walter. He will protect what he believes to be my secret as long as he is rewarded by it.”

Walter lets out a groan of annoyance, running his hand down his face.

“Exactly my point.”

“But you underestimate me, dear uncle, as you tend to do,” Ransom continues, circling Walter as he looks up at him. “His niece will be Queen. When I put a baby in her belly, my son will be a prince. Naming him and his brother as lords are nothing to me. They are titles, Walter. Which can be stripped away at a moment’s notice. Whenever I see fit.”

“And if he puts up a fight? Tells your secret?”

“ I will invite him into the lion’s den.”

-

Arda glances at you inside the garden, lifting up a gnarled root and placing it into a bag. Your deep blue cloak, a gift from the soon to be King, swallows up your frame before Kulane steps outside to see his wife, her hand over her mouth. The distress has been mounting for days, the telltale lack of sleep on her face, dark smudges under her eyes.

“It feels wrong,” Arda murmurs, Kulane tucking back a wavy strand of hair over her ear. “This is her home, Kulane.”

“She’s going to a better one,” Kulane argues. “With more power and stability.”

“Better,” your mother scoffs. “Better than being kept safe? Knowing I can see her in the mornings? To help her tend to her garden?”

“Don’t let your heart cloud your judgement,” Kulane admonishes gently. “She will be a queen. Hanad -”

“I don’t care what he said, what he promises,” Arda argues, pulling away from her husband. “Does he know of her gifts? Does the Prince know?”

“No.”

“All the more reason for her to stay here. I don’t care about our titles, Kulane. I care about our family.”

“Then think of the good it can do when she’s ruling a kingdom. Everything we’ve taught her has led to this moment.”

“And Dominic? What of our son?”

“He will stay at the castle.”

Arda gasps, shaking her head in disbelief. It feels cruel to break the news in such a way but he knows that Hanad would not have hesitated to tell her the truth. In a few days time, they will eventually travel to their new holdings, land gifted by the Prince to benefit their new titles.

“Then I’ve lost both of my children on this day.”

She leaves him behind, Kulane calling out to you. When you lift your head, you notice he’s dressed in much finer clothing. He stands proudly when you come to him, holding your bag in your hands. 

“The carriage will be approaching soon,” he reminds you. 

You nod, saying not a word. You haven’t since he had cruelly told you that you would be moving to the castle, to meet the Prince and be his wife. Spoken to you without a pause for your questions, your concerns, your uncle had left you alone, your father trying in vain to back up the claims that it would be better for you to listen to him. That your future would be much more than what you have now.

“No words for me this day, I assume,” Kulane comments, your head lifting at his words before you move past him. “You will make us proud, daughter. I have no doubt.”

-

The carriage slows to a stop, Dominic standing at attention. He can feel your eyes on him, the unease in your thoughts that he seeks to soothe before you block him out.

“Don’t,” he whispers to you, your eyes closed, a tear running down your cheek. “Don’t shut me out. Not me.”

It comes rushing back, the anger and pain of being ripped away from your home, your mother and father and the growing hatred of your uncle that makes Dominic stare at you before you place the hood of the cloak over your head.

When the door of the carriage opens, a tall man with thick wavy hair and a beard steps out. Immediately the villagers that have come to see this spectacle, bow their heads.

“Lord Emeric,” Dominic introduces. “Our Lord Chancellor of the soon to be King.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Lord Emeric greets you, bowing his head. “The King shall be pleased to see you.”

There is no fanfare, save for the guards that sit atop the hill, ready to accompany the carriage to make sure you get there safe. Your father has told you as much. Under heavy supervision, the Prince will take no chances with your safety.

Your uncle is nowhere to be found, Dominic silently communicating with you that there is a very good chance that he is already at the castle, no doubt in audience with the Prince, planning his future.

And your own.

“Shall we? I am under strict orders that you be there by nightfall, my lady.”

He holds out his arm, Dominic giving you a slight nudge before you take it. You don’t turn around, your head held high. You’re aware that your father is watching, moving as regal as a queen.

The Drysdale soldiers keep their eyes on you, opening the door of the ornately carved carriage for you to step inside. Your calm nature belies your true feelings, your thoughts like a thunderstorm, the door closed and secure before the soldiers step away.

“Don’t worry,” Dominic murmurs, untying his horse. “I’ll be right there with you.”

He cannot mourn the old house that you will never see again. With the new titles come new land and your father and uncle are keen to move into the new keeps that await them, something they have not told your mother.

Or you.

He cannot bring himself to tell you the truth. Not yet, at least. Your garden has been picked clean, the rest of the villagers carefully picking what is left. Remembering your plant, he heads back to the space, only to find nothing there, as if it never existed.

Ignoring the nagging feeling in the back of his head, he mounts his horse, easing him into a gallop to catch up with the carriage.

-

“Your uncle’s promises about your beauty did not do you justice,” Lord Emeric praises with a warm smile. “All these years… hidden away. One must wonder why your father hid such a treasure.”

“My uncle tends to get ahead of himself.”

“On the contrary, he did not say enough. The Prince will be delighted to see you. You are very fortunate, my lady. Handpicked by the Prince himself.”

“Handpicked?” you ask incredulously. “My uncle led me to believe it was his doing.”

“Pardon my bluntness, my lady. But your uncle is not the one who is the master of the strings, as much as he desires to be.”

You allow him a small smile, one that he returns.

“I take it that you feel like you’re between two worlds,” Lord Emeric hints with a sigh. “You’d be correct in that. Greymount is strong and secure. But inside the walls, I fear there are many political alliances that need to be mended. With the death of the King and his… mysterious disappearance, we will look to you to build those broken partnerships by the Prince’s side.”

“Disappearance?”

“Yes. His body went missing a day after his death. Some say it was his followers who are still in mourning. And others…” Lord Emeric trails off, shaking his head with an fleeting thought.

“What?”

“You may as well know the truth of it. There are some who believe that he was assassinated.”

“Assassinated?”

“King Richard lived a very… rich life. He had many health issues, as I can attest to. I’m informing you now so that you are not caught off guard by any of the servants that may be attending you. I trust that this conversation will never reach the Prince. He cared very much for his father and I believe that to bring this up would cause him considerable pain.”

“Yes, of course. Between us,” you promise.

-

Hanad stands at the balcony with the Prince, looking down on the procession below. It’s fitting, enough for Hanad to smile widely.

“Looking forward to seeing your niece, Lord Hanad?” Ransom asks. “I trust this welcome fits your expectations.”

“I could not ask for more, Your Majesty,” Hanad says, bowing his head in appreciation. “I assure you I had no expectations.”

“Hmm,” Ransom hums, looking toward his uncle. “No expectations, indeed.”

He leaves Hanad, heading toward the castle doors to greet you and Lord Emeric.

Eager is he to hear what his Chancellor will say about you. He is curious to find out what you look like. A maiden past the years of what he is accustomed to has him on guard. He half expects you to be an old maid, hair of gray and missing teeth. Hanad has assured him you are still of fertile age, capable of bearing him a son.

He meets the carriage as it stops, the door opening as his Lord Chancellor gives him a knowing glance.

“Your Majesty,” Lord Emeric begins, holding your hand to assist you up. “May I present Lord Kulane’s daughter.”

Your name sounds heavenly, Ransom staring as you pull the hood back from your cloak.

There is no old maid for him to meet. Only a beautiful woman with intense eyes that does not offer him a smile but rather a knowing glance at the balcony before he helps you out of the carriage. Your youth belies your years, something Hanad had failed to mention.

You curtsy, smooth and refined, much better than the courtiers that have been trained to do so.

Ransom is pleased by the stares of his nobles. He’d sooner toss them to his beloved pets should they have looked at you a different way but he sees it, the way the ladies pause and the men’s stares linger a little too long.

Envy.

“Your Majesty,” you greet him. “It is my pleasure to meet you.”

“I assure you the pleasure is mine,” Ransom answers, reaching for your hand. “Let the servants take your things. Let us walk.”

Dominic takes a step forward, Ransom’s head turning at the sound. He is aware of the bond between brother and sister but he is also keenly aware that your brother did not want this meeting to take place, per Hanad’s confession.

“Ser Dominic, I presume? Your sister is in good hands, I assure you,” he replies, nearly mocking in his tone. “My Lord Emeric, show Ser Dominic around, won’t you?”

-

Birds trill in the distance, the Prince stopping at a maze of thick, lush, greenery. He’s handsome, that much you will allow. But as he stares, you’re aware that it feels like he’s searching for something, perhaps an answer, without saying a single word. 

You decide to oblige him, slowing your steps at the entrance of the maze.

“Why me, Your Majesty?” you ask, the Prince stopping at your question. He seems intrigued by your question. 

“Why what?”

He wants you to say it, the way he pauses, his tongue running over his lips. There’s something about him that you want to observe, to pick and prod until you find your answer.

“I am not unaware of my uncle’s yearning for a sit at your council. Though I do question why you would choose me when I am older, much wiser to the politics of men than a mere maid who lives to make her father happy.”

“And yet you’re here,” he reminds you. “And what good is a younger maiden who may be swayed by what others can offer? When you’re younger, everything on the table looks good enough to devour. But as one grows wiser, there is an appreciation and understand of which fruit you choose to eat.”

He lifts your hand to his mouth, kissing it gently as it lingers just enough for you to get goosebumps. A loud roar cuts through the air, making you step back in surprise before he smiles.

“Ah, my pets,” he assures you. “I believe it is feeding time.”

Looking back at the sound, you see only a tall wall, turning around to see that he’s vanished completely.

-

The two moons shine brightly in the night sky, Dominic slipping away to your chambers, your vision clear as you guide him. He climbs every step, the door opening before he has a chance to knock.

“You’ve pleased him,” Dominic tells you, shutting the door to your vast room. “The servants say he is captivated by you.”

Candles light the way to the roaring fireplace, your gown trailing behind you, grabbing a pot from the balcony. You don’t answer his praise, cradling the pot close.

“Hardwinds bring darkness,” you remind him, Dominic nodding in agreement as the black gnarled root has sprouted two new branches. “The earth confirms it.”

Your hand hovers over the root before you guide his own over it. He can feel the coldness, your eyes watching a leaf unfurl from the branch.

“His power grows,” you whisper. “You can feel it, can’t you?”

Looking up the moonlight, Dominic swallows, the confession on his tongue before he looks around the room.

“Are all these gifts from the Prince?”

“Yes,” you reply, still looking at the plant. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“You haven’t said a word about him. Or a single thought.”

“He…” you trail off, blinking as you grip the pot. “He disappeared.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I was walking with him. I heard a sound and when I turned around, he had gone.”

“Gone?”

“Yes.”

Pulling the plant away and placing it on the balcony, you can feel your brother behind you.

“And where is our beloved uncle?” you ask.

“Secret meeting with the Lord of Formad, though not as secret as he likes it to be. He has yet to learn the art of keeping silent. Being a knight of this realm means you become a close acquaintance to those who look for any sort of goodwill. Even if I have no political sway.”

“Formad. What does uncle want with him? Father had turned him away years ago when he tried to buy our land,” you remind him. “Even if Hanad wants a meeting with him, Father would deny him.”

Dominic stands next to you, nodding at the lanterns that move down the rocky steps.

“You’ve yet to learn about alliances,” Dominic mutters, his hand on his sword. “Or perhaps, you are not aware of how brazen our uncle truly can be. He seeks an audience with Formad because he wishes to have a spot at the council’s table. Formad can make that happen.”

“How?”

“In my travels, Formad has made it known that he had once desired to be the Lord Chancellor. He believes that it was wrongly appointed and aims to reclaim what he rightly believes is his.”

“Hanad would not be swayed so easily. He has his meetings with the Prince. What would he have wanted with Formad?”

“Which can all be taken away by the Lord Chancellor. Our uncle may strive for a seat at the table but it starts with alliances. If he earns favor with Formad, he will be invited into his home, to build up his own house, to have powerful men at his own table,” Dominic explains. “And all he’ll have to do is what he does best once he’s built it up. Command and take.”

“And what of Formad if he rebuffs our uncle?”

“I don’t have an answer for that. But I know he will try his hardest to win him over tonight.”

“Will he?” you ask, plucking the leaf from the branch and crushing it under your fingers.

Somewhere down below, a shout of pain carries on the wind, catching Dominic’s attention.