#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life
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orchidseason · 2 days ago
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Too Clingy...?
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ִ ࣪𖤐 loser!ellie w x fem!reader
After weeks of tension with your roommate, you turn to your girlfriend Ellie for comfort. But when a teasing comment makes you question your place in her life, you distance yourself, afraid of being "clingy."
warnings ִ ࣪𖤐 word count 1.5k, college!AU, established relationship, anxiety (r), overthinking, hurt/comfort, misunderstanding, emotional breakdown, mild language, kissing
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It had been a rough few weeks. The tension with your roommate had reached a breaking point, and you were finding it hard to breathe, let alone function. Every day felt like a struggle. You’d been feeling emotionally drained, constantly walking on eggshells, and trying to avoid conflict in your own space. Your dorm room had become a place of silence, and it felt like you were suffocating.
One night, after another argument with your roommate that left you feeling small and unimportant, you packed a bag and went straight to Ellie’s. You didn’t even need to text her beforehand—Ellie always knew when you needed her. Her dorm had become your safe space, the place where you could let go of all the tension and just breathe.
Ellie opened the door, her face softening when she saw you. She immediately pulled you into a tight hug. “Hey! Woah...what’s wrong?” she asked, her voice gentle.
You sniffled and buried your face in her shoulder. “My roommates a fucking bitch. She argues with me about the stupidest things and leaves passive aggressive sticky notes everywhere and then she just keeps-I just cant do it. Im so done."
Ellie tightened her grip on you, her hands running through your hair soothingly. “Shh, babe. You’re always welcome here, you know that. You don’t need to explain it all to me."
In the weeks that followed, you found yourself at Ellie’s more often than not. Being with her was an escape. You’d spend your evenings wrapped in the warmth of her arms, playing games, watching movies, or simply lying together in a comfortable silence. For the first time in a long time, you truly felt like you could let go of all the stress that had built up.
You and Ellie were lying on her bed, curled up together. You had your head resting on her shoulder while she played Minecraft on her phone, tapping away at the screen as you both enjoyed the quiet of the room. It was one of those perfect moments where everything felt in place. You didn’t need to talk. You didn’t need to do anything except be there with her.
Ellie talked suddenly, breaking the silence. She glanced at you with a teasing grin. “You’re really here every night now, huh? I might start calling you my official roommate. Getting a little clingy, mm?"
The comment hung in the air, and your stomach sank. The word "clingy" hit you like a ton of bricks. She said it with that usual mischievous smile, but something about the way she said it made your chest tighten.
Clingy.
The word echoed in your mind as you lay there, still and frozen. Had you been too much? Was she annoyed with you? You’d been spending so much time at her place lately, leaning on her for comfort when you didn’t know where else to go. Maybe she was tired of it. Maybe she was tired of you.
Ellie went on, completely unaware of how her words had affected you. “I’m just messing with you,” she said, laughing lightly, pressing a kiss to your cheek, "you know my favorite you is clingy you."
Still, you couldn’t shake the doubt. It festered in the pit of your stomach. Clingy. You wanted to push it out of your mind, but it was all you could think about. Maybe she really was tired of you. Maybe her joke had truth lining in it and she was wanting some space from you.
You stayed quiet, too lost in your head to respond. When the moment passed, you quietly gathered your things, not looking at Ellie. “I should head out... I’ve got a lot of work to do,” you said, your voice soft and distant.
Ellie didn’t seem to notice your change in energy. She was already absorbed in her phone again, focused on the game, not on you. She didn’t look up when you left, but if she had-she would not have let you leave.
As you walked out, your heart felt heavy. Had you been too much? Too clingy? Ellie had always been understanding, but that comment, though playful, made you spiral.
You didn’t go back to your dorm. Instead, you found yourself at the library, hiding away from the world. You tried to focus on your schoolwork, but the thoughts wouldn’t stop swirling in your mind. Was she really tired of you? Had you made things awkward? You didn’t want to burden her anymore, but the more you thought about it, the more you questioned whether she really wanted you around.
Days passed, and you kept your distance. You couldn’t bring yourself to reach out to Ellie. Maybe she was right; maybe you had become clingy, and now you were giving her space to breathe.
You didn't respond to her texts and calls and you're sure that's what set her off to finally just track you down on your shared location one afternoon.
While you were hunched over a stack of textbooks in the library, you heard a familiar voice.
“Hey,” Ellie said softly, making you jump. You didn’t even need to look up to know it was her. “Haven’t seen you around in a while. Everything okay?”
"That's good news, isn't it?"
She looks confused, a little hurt, "what...?"
Your throat tightened, and before you could stop it, all the thoughts you’d been bottling up poured out. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” you said, voice cracking. “It’s just... It's me. I’ve been overthinking everything since you called me clingy. I know it was a joke, but Ellie it's true. I spend so much time at your dorm, in your space. I didn't want to overwhelm you anymore so I just-"
Ellie knelt in front of you, her gaze softening. “No, hey stop that,” she said gently, taking your hands in hers. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just messing with you. I love having you in my dorm, I prefer it. You’re not clingy. You never could be. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were.”
You bit your lip, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders, but the hurt was still there, lingering. “I didn’t want to make things weird, and here I am making it weird."
Ellie smiled, brushing a hand over your cheek. “You could never make things weird, babe. I promise."
You blinked back tears, suddenly overwhelmed by how much you needed to hear those words. Ellie leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m always here for you, okay? Don’t shut me out.”
You smiled, finally feeling like you could breathe again. You nodded, feeling safe in her arms as she held you close.
“I love you,” you whispered.
“I love you too,” Ellie replied, leaning in after to press a kiss to your lips.
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taglist // @kaykeryyy
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 6 months ago
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it’s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent
#blue chatter#EMDR therapy is genuinely helpful#but I’m starting to hate how much it impacts my ability to function afterwards#I don’t wanna feel like my consciousness is detaching from reality like a moist sticky note after every session#I don’t want to have gaps in my memory for hours afterward#it’s not fair that other people inflicted all these traumatic experiences onto me#and now I have to process them and suffer the consequences#I told my therapist today that I’m angry at myself for not being able to spin enough plates#that if I had just been more attentive and had more energy and worked on my homework like I should have#I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much from the deep distrust and constant surveillance academically#and if I hadn’t been so easy to manipulate and groom#my parents wouldn’t have had a good reason to violate my privacy and read all my text messages and browser history#I’m angry that I never earned my right to privacy#and I’m angry at my brain now (even though I know it’s unfair)#why can’t I just process this like a normal person#why do I have to have all these new scary symptoms I’m not used to#why can’t I just get therapy and face my traumas and anxieties and get over it quickly#and I know that’s unfair. and I’d never say that to somebody else.#I just want this all to be over with. I want a life where I don’t just stop functioning once a week.#I hate having to write off the rest of the day after a session because nothing gets done#and my brain turns into goo and I feel floaty and spacey and strangely unable to move or think#it’s not usually like I can’t respond at all. or pay attention. it just takes so much effort. and my body and brain feel strangely heavy#and clumsy. like I’m walking in a mech suit or something.#I want my brain back.#but I know that getting it back means doing this work now#which sucks and I don’t like it. esp since I don’t know for sure that this will ever go away.#it’s scary to lose memories of important events and lose chunks of time and feel like I can’t trust my own version of events#how can I know if I’m being gaslit if I cant trust my memory already? it terrifies me that I’m so vulnerable#anyway. rant over. sorry y’all.
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toothmarqed · 2 years ago
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fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull
#actually considering deleting the clock app rn#what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE#i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing#and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god#PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE#ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is#Not okay#they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best#-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames#**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that#ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever#maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my#-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life#i feel sick#i’m evil#and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am#too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth#but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am#feel like fucking bojack horseman#unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak-#-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person.#i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here#i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full#suffering i deserve
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berilynzoe · 5 months ago
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If costume design isn’t at least nominated for an Oscar I’m suing.
oh my… emperor geta 😫
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gaywineauntsstuff · 2 months ago
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Broke: everyone fights over whose Batman’s favorite
Woke: everyone fights over whose Dicks favorite bc Dick isn’t an emotionally stunted loser (I shit talk Bruce so much but I love him, he’s just also a loser) and trying to get in the bats favor is like trying to catch sand in a sieve
————
Damian: obviously I’m Graysons favorite I was his Robin
Tim: dude I was the first Robin he trained and we still talk every day I am 100% the favorite
Steph: fuck you! You disappeared off the the face of the earth when he was Batman I was actually here I’m 100% the favorite everyone knows Wing loves me.
Jason: Dick willingly went to Gotham to spend time with me even when he was mad at Bruce. Has Dick ever been in Gotham when he was mad at Bruce for you guys? No? Didn’t think so?
Damian: ….
Steph:…
Tim: that’s because you sucked so much he thought you’d get blown up trying to have to bludhaven.
Jason: oi! Low blow, you can’t use a man’s death against him
Damian: shut up we’ve all died before
Steph: you literally said you were allowed to break Tim’s laptop bc you died b4
Jason: yeah it’s MY DEATH I can use it how I want
Tim: we really gonna call your 14yr old 4’7 self a man?
Cass: he helped me train when B rejected me I’m the favorite
Tim: you can’t be Dicks favorite you’re already Bab’s favorite those are the only 2 likable older members of the family. (They’ve decided Alfred doesn’t count since he’s legally not allowed to have favorites)
Dick: Duke is my favorite
Damian: what?
Tim: how?
Jason: this shit is rigged
Steph: What?? You barely spend time with him?
Duke who has been eating popcorn quietly this whole time:???
Dick: he doesnt steal my suit and murder people
Jason: …
Dick: or tell his friends I threatened to send him to Arkham when I told him to get therapy
Tim:…
Dick: or break into my apartment at 3am because he can’t communicate with his father
Damian:…
Dick: or make me believe he flatlined on the operating table
Steph: …
Dick: or tell me he can’t meet up for a bust because he’s too busy fighting Wonder Woman a hero we work with over text with no context and then go AWOL for 5 days
Cass:…
Dick: or overload his plate with 50 million things I will have to come in and help with
Everyone:
Steph: he started a cult tho??
Dick: was it before or after he was fostered bc if it was before it’s. Not. My. Problem.
Duke: I’m the favorite???
Dick: also I feel like if I died you’re the most likely to take over my duties and not go on a quest for vengeance or try to clone me or put me in the Lazarus pit.
Jason: ID NEVER PUT you in the Lazarus pit…. No comment on the rest tho.
Tim: ditto
Damian: meh you are superior to Todd and he’s relatively functional post the pit I don’t see the issue here.
Steph raising hand: I wouldn’t-
Dick: or help TIM do it
Steph lowering hand:
Dick: plus you have a parent so I don’t have to do 80% of the child rearing while giving Bruce credit
Duke still a little star stuck bc that’s nightwing: IM THE FAVORITE.
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nope-body · 2 years ago
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.
#i feel like I’m falling apart#like physically falling apart#and because of that and because I need to rest I’m also falling behind and that’s making me feel like I’m mentally falling apart#but also just. I did one thing today#it was five hours long but most of it was sitting down and watching people perform#I didn’t have to do much#and I did one thing and I am in as much pain as I am normally in at the end of a medium bad pain day#I didn’t go to any of my classes. I didn’t go to any meetings. I slept until 4 pm.#I am in way too much pain but other than the amount of pain it’s not abnormal pain#like pain can feel different ways and this feels the way ‘I’m tired used up a little too much energy it’s the end of the day’ pain feels#so like it’s not unusual except for the amount of pain#but it’s just scary because that means that it’s not something new that could be fixed. it’s just my body getting worse#and just. I don’t know how much more of this I can do#doctors don’t think my situation is that bad because I don’t have a history of going to doctors for this#and things don’t start out bad. they gradually get worse. so if I’m actually as bad as I am then I should have been seeing doctors long ago#I tried. I fucking tried. I tried for five fucking years but I was too young or just not eating and drinking enough.#I was ignored as my condition got worse for five years!!#and now doctors think that I’m about as bad off as I was like four years ago instead of today#because if I had been in that much pain surely I would have seen a doctor?#and it just. pisses me off. doctors never believe me when I tell them how bad it actually is because I can still function#and people who are in as much pain as I say I’m in shouldn’t be able to function much less have a busy schedule in their day to day life#but now everything is catching up to me and I’m not able to function and it’s scaring me because I have had my body say no we’re resting#before and force me to take a break but never this sudden and never two days after a literal break where I had a break from everything for a#whole week. and stuff starts up again and I just collapse basically#I don’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t know who I could even go to for help#doctors are useless. the ODA is shitty and useless. I don’t know if this is even something my professors would even understand or be able to#help me with and I don’t know how I would even ask#I want to complete college but I’m physically struggling to finish freshman year#I’m scared for the future
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yutarot · 6 days ago
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cozy. n.jm
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⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ childhood bff!jaemin, snowboarding au, fwb, sfw
synopsis. you and jaemin have been inseparable since you were children. when you and a few of your friends go on your annual mountain ski trip, the air grows tense when they find out that you and jaemin have been sleeping together. so what happens when an overnight snowstorm extends your trip, bringing a sudden change of plans and a very unlikely guest to your vacation: jaemins crush. will your friendship survive within the cold presence of snow or will it melt away once the sun rises.
wc: 6.8k
warnings. implied sex, suggestive, language, jaemin sucks, miscommunication (sorry), yn is wayy too nice in this
notes — ty to the anon who gave me this idea hehe i immeeediately thought of jaemin so i had to write it. i hope u enjoy this it was fun to write (also ended up being way longer than i expected butttt oh well)
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the trip started 4 days ago. 
you always loved your winter ski trips. you loved the way the snow glistened under the sun, illuminating the sky line in a crisp peach orange. you loved the way you could become carefree, no worries of college or having to pick up extra shifts at the cafe. it was always perfect, a spirited culmination of a frosty vacation. 
like usual, you unpacked at lightning speed, occupying the room directly between jaemin and jisung and opposite chenle. as kids, you and mark used to argue over who got the room that you stay in, it being the only room in the cabin with a double bed, but after many years of relentless fighting, you always managed to beat him.
the five of you have been friends since before you could remember, constant pranks and silliness as kids soon became reliability and comfort as you grow into your late teens. but now that you all attend college together, you’re closer than ever.
admittedly, you’ve always been closer to jaemin than the rest, your childhood homes being next to each other, serving as a reason for you to play out in the street each evening after school. even as you entered high school and eventually college, you stayed close, despite jaemin’s tendencies to sleep around with girls and eventually ghost them soon after.
you would be mad at jaemin’s exploits, but you can’t exactly say that being mad at someone’s past actions is entirely justifiable, especially since his playboy behaviour has recently become less frequent.
the air in the cabin is surprisingly warm, a crisp layer of frost encasing the windows and blocking the breeze of snow as it falls upon the mountain that the cabin rests between. the sky, once blue, is now an iridescent hue of orange, reflecting off the snow on the ground and pulsing through the window and onto the wooden walls around you, making them glow. it is an utterly beautiful place, and you thank chenle’s parents for letting you stay here each winter unsupervised.
as you walk through the walkway and into the main room, you spot chenle upon the sofa, browsing the old vintage tv for any channels that don’t bore him profusely. mark and jaemin are playing a game of chess on the floor, resting themselves upon fluffy white cushions and muttering snarky comments to each other under their breaths. noticing your presence, chenle clears his throat, causing mark to look up at you, and eventually, jaemin to spin his body round in your direction.
“i’m bored.” you say, “that tv looks way too old to function and i don’t know how to play chess.” 
chenle speaks first, “well, i mean, maybe if you actually spend some time with us, you might have some fun.”
“sounds like a blast.” you say sarcastically, “i just think we should go out and do something in the snow instead of just being all cooped up in here for the third day in a row.”
“it’s too cold.” jaemin utters, “usually it’s not this bad.”
“and? just put on an extra layer.” you reply, looking to mark for help.
sighing, mark speaks up to agree with you, and with his help, you eventually manage to convince chenle and jaemin to go and wake up jisung, before layering up and grabbing your snowboards from the shed behind the cabin.
as you all walk across the mountain to the ski area, occasionally partaking in a small snowball fight on the way, you hurl yourselves onto the ski lifts.
you sit in between jaemin and mark, ignoring mark’s teasing as you struggle to get yourself seated.
once the lift begins to climb, you feel an immediate sense of calm. you’ve always enjoyed these trips, a moment of relaxation away from home, all with your favourite people. it is true that you wish you could bring your girl friends along, but they all hate the boys with a passion for multiple, various (and valid) reasons, and so, with their permission, you go without them.
lost in your own thoughts, you don’t notice as you suddenly begin to slip from the ski lift, the bar doing absolutely nothing to keep you in place.
“yn?”, you hear jaemin’s voice beside you, a weird sense of distress lining his voice as he quickly grabs a hold of your arm, attempting to lift you back onto the seat.
but it’s no use, the snowboard beneath you weighs you down and you slip from his grasp.
“mark, she’s slipping.” jaemin urges the other boy beside you.
“shit.”
they both try to bring you up, but as you get higher and higher to the top of the slope, the ground begins to find your feet, pulling you down with it.
you stumble before landing upside down into the snow, luckily not sliding anywhere, but unfortunately feeling a sudden frosty chill as piles and piles of snow seep into your clothing and down your back.
noticing your discomfort, jaemin bends down, lifting your face to his and, with a gentle smile, he brushes your snow-covered hair from your face.
“it’s… everywhere.” you shiver.
“everywhere?” jaemin asks.
you roll your eyes. “not the time for jokes.”
it takes you a while to notice mark standing behind jaemin, but when you do, you tell them both to continue on without you and that you’ll find your own way back to the cabin to change your clothes.
nodding after making sure that you’re okay, mark leaves to snowboard down the slope, leaving you and jaemin as you sit, still shaking, covered in ice and snow.
“i’m gonna-“ you say, getting up.
jaemin interrupts. “let me help you.”
“i don’t need help.” you reply.
there is a moment of silence before jaemin speaks again, as if he is choosing his words carefully.
“i know a better way to warm you up.”
your face lines in an expression of shock.
“we promised we wouldn’t do it here.” you say, “what if one of the others see something?”
“they won’t.” he smiles at you before pointing in the direction of the others, all enjoying themselves drifting down the snow, swerving in all kinds of directions.
it doesn’t take much for you to give in. so when you get back to the cabin, eventually changing into some fresh clothes that will eventually be pointless, jaemin turns out to be right.
he does know a way to warm you up.
his request didn’t surprise you, and you’re unsure if the others finding out that you and jaemin have been secretly hooking up for the past year is an all too bad thing. but at the thought of them having a little bit too much fun potentially teasing you both, you decided to keep it on the down-low.
it was never supposed to happen; you and jaemin are best friends. but after jaemin’s vow to stop playing with girls’ hearts and your fresh break up with your ex, you both decided that the logical thing to do is to use each other when you need it. it was simple.
over the past year, you have established 3 main rules for your ‘friends with benefits’ situation. number 1: you and jaemin can both sleep with other people if you so wish, number 2: no feelings are involved, if one person begins to feel anything for the other, then you must break it off. (this one isn’t and never will be a problem for you two, but you need to add it there anyway; you’ve heard the stories about jaemin the ‘serial heartbreaker’, and you definitely don’t want to be a victim of that) and number 3: no sleeping together during the winter ski trip. right now, you are breaking a rule, and neither you, nor jaemin, seem to care. it does scare you a little, however, considering how easily jaemin was willing to break it, and it has you wondering how strong the other rules even are.
after cleaning yourself up, you make your way to the kitchen to make yourself and jaemin a hot chocolate, sprinkling far too much powdered chocolate on the whipped cream and having to clear up all your mess soon after. jaemin follows you into the kitchen, pulling his shirt back over his head.
“can i ask you something?” jaemin says, reaching his arm past you to scoop his finger into the whipped cream and swiping it onto your nose. you push him away, watching as he giggles at you frantically wiping the cream off your nose in annoyance.
“sure.” you reply, and he leans on the counter beside you.
“when was the last time you slept with someone else?”
if you say the question doesn’t surprise you, you’d be lying. jaemin knows you can sleep with other people, it’s part of your rules. so why do you feel as though you’re in trouble?
“last saturday. that party on joomi’s street. eric sohn.”
jaemin’s face is unreadable. you continue, “if you’re worried you have competition, i wouldn’t worry. it was just one night.” you laugh.
“oh, i’m not worried.” he replies, “especially after the way you were saying my name back in there.”
his head tilts to the side to point in the direction of your room and you look over on instinct, memories of the past 30 minutes flashing in your mind and causing you to forget what you were even about to say.
but when you look over to the doorway, something else catches your attention.
or someone else.
standing at the front door, snowboard in hand and ski mask pulled down to his chin, stands a mortified, and astonished mark lee.
you freeze up, and no longer from the cold chill of snow.
he has heard everything.
you’re completely fucked.
❆ ❆ ❆
pacing around the kitchen and watching as mark looks between you both, you begin to attempt to redeem yourself.
“look, mark, that wasn’t what it sounded like, me and jaemin would never.”
mark looks at you, skeptical, before turning his attention to jaemin, who stands in the back corner of the kitchen, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed as if none of this is bothering him.
mark looks back at you. “yoooo, i mean, i guess i always knew there was something off about you guys.”
you rush towards him, clutching his shoulders. “i promise you, mark, it’s not like that-”
“we’re fucking.” jaemin finally speaks, and yours and mark’s heads both whip towards him in shock. jaemin shrugs, as if it isn’t a big deal.
“jaemin.” you say sternly, “what are you doin-”
“what? he caught us, there’s no point in denying it.”
“this is unbelievable.” mark chuckles, “i gotta go tell the others.”
“no you don’t.” you say, grabbing a hold of his arm.
he rolls his eyes. “alright, but at least give me details, man. how long? when did it start? why?”
you look to jaemin, not wanting to answer for yourself.
“about a year,” he says, “and why not?”
“why not?!” mark exclaims in disbelief, “i don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re best friends? what if you end up catching-”
“not gonna happen.” says jaemin, “we dont see eachother like that, never will.”
mark only continues to laugh, “this is nuts. you guys haven’t been doing it all weekend, have you? i don’t think i wanna hear it if you guys end up getting busy while we’re all meant to be asleep.”
“nope,” you reply. “this is the first and only time we’ve done it here. we sort of made it a rule so that this wouldn’t happen.”
before you can finish your conversation, chenle walks through the door. “so what wouldn’t happen?” he says, scanning his eyes between yours and jaemin’s lack of outdoor wear compared to mark’s.
“nothing.” you reply.
“nothing?” he asks, studying mark and jaemin’s expressions.
there is a second where no one speaks, but that seems to be enough for chenle, because the next thing he says is: “you guys fucked, didn’t you?”
mark can’t keep in his smile as he tries not to laugh and give it away, but jaemin’s stern expression speaks volumes.
chenle shrugs before taking off his coat and making his way to the fridge, “ehh, was sort of obvious anyways.”
“what?” you exclaim, “how?”
his eyebrow raises as he takes a bite of the donut he had taken out its packet, “jaemin swearing off girls the same time as you breaking up with your ex, you constantly ditching our movie nights to ‘hang out with your cat,’ and jaemin suddenly changing from being an insufferable prick to actually being half nice.” jaemin lets out a laugh at the last comment. “i have more if you want me to continu-“
 “thats okay, no thank you,” you speak up, “first of all, jaemin is still an insufferable prick.”
“thanks.” jaemin butts in.
“no problem.” you turn your head to him quickly before you continue, causing the others to laugh. “and secondly, i do actually go to hang out with my cat. i love her.” you say, offended.
“whatever.” chenle replies, a judging expression on his face.
they both took the news a lot better than you thought, so you decide to let them tell jisung, who is undoubtedly the most surprised at the revelation. but jaemin’s silence throughout the whole conversation annoys you. you don’t understand why he was being so quiet about it. but when you hear mark and jaemin whispering amongst themselves while you were meant to be in the shower, your confusion peaked.
“this isn’t like you, man.” it sounded like mark’s voice.
“i know.” jaemin replied.
that’s all you heard.
for the rest of the night, you all wrap yourselves in blankets on the sofa to watch some movie that jisung wanted to watch, the fireplace emitting a radial heat and deep hue of ember, softening you into a state of tiredness, drifting off as your head rests on the hard sofa next to you.
it’s only after you wake up that you realize it is certainly not the sofa that you were lying against, but instead, jaemin’s shoulder.
you hear the melodic birdsong as it fills the air outside, the white of snow lighting up the room. or is it chenle’s hideous singing in the shower that you hear? it’s hard to tell.
breaking yourself from jaemins sleeping grasp, you get up to look out the window. you’re meant to go home today, this is supposed to be your final morning of the trip.
but as you peek your vision out the window, around 3 feet of snow covers the floor all around the cabin, the four wheels of marks camper van not even visible.
“uhm, guys..” you call out, grabbing the attention of a freshly showered chenle, a mid breakfast-making mark, a book occupied jisung and a half asleep jaemin. they all stop their various activities at the urgency in your voice, coming over to you and looking out the window for themselves.
it takes each of them about 5 minutes to process what this means; your trip is going to be extended. you are trapped.
and you may be trapped but yours and jaemins secret is very much free.
it finally hits 3pm and you realise that you have all spent the entire day enveloped in boredom, watching as the snow falls and continues to form on the ground. there is no way all this snow will clear in just a few days.
you are lucky that chenle had brought nearly double the amount of food that you needed originally, meaning all you had to do now was to sit and wait it out. 
lounging on the sofa, you listen to the smooth rhythm of chenles jazz vinyl playing on loop across the room. you’re bored, and you can’t even go outside. you can tell the others are bored too, that same expression of ‘i just want to go home now.’ plastered on all of their faces. 
but their expressions quickly flip when a knock rattles from the front door.
you all look at each other in question before collectively jumping up in sync, running at inhuman speeds to the door. you were about to be saved, removed from the shackles of dullness and provided passage back home. 
being the first to get to the door, you grab a hold of the handle, struggling in attempts to only slightly crack it open to keep the snow outside.
but when you open the door and poke your head through the crack, you’re met with a very familiar face.
hayun. also known as, jaemins long-time ‘secret’ infatuation: his crush. 
your mind shatters in disbelief as you pull the door fully open to let the other guys see who it is, no longer caring about the snow as it comes piling in.
all because the look on jaemins face is priceless.
the others all look to him to see what he’s going to say, and unsurprisingly, all he has to say is ‘hi.’ you wouldn’t expect more from him, he’s never spoken a word that exceeds a greeting to her before.
following jaemins poor attempt at an introduction, you take over.
“what are you doing here? are you okay?” you ask, genuine concern for the girl lining your voice. 
“well, i was here on a ski trip with my friends but, they all abandoned me.”
“what?” you ask. 
“and i remembered seeing a few of your guys’ instagram posts saying you were here so… i thought i’d knock.”
“wow.” mark says, “your friends suck.”
“i know. so, any chance i can stay here? i would go home but the weather isn’t exactly drivable.”
you turn to the rest of your group, concluding the pity in their faces before turning back to hayun. “of course! we don’t have a spare room and the sofa gets cold at night but i have a double bed if you don’t mind sharing.”
“thank you so much!” she grins before stepping inside and pulling you in for a hug. you cringe as you come into contact with the cold casing of her coat, the ice cool against your skin as you try not to push her off of you. 
in all honesty, you feel bad for her and you know that jaemin is about to get relentlessly bullied by the rest of the group. this was about to make your extended trip a whole lot more interesting.
it hasn’t been a long time since he developed a crush on hayun, spotting her across the other side of his lecture hall. he always gives you some excuse as to why he’s somehow never gotten a chance to speak to her, so you presume that he’s happy that he finally has. either that or completely terrified. either way, you’re happy for him.
yes, you are. you’re happy for him.
❆ ❆ ❆
a few hours pass as you show hayun around the cabin, making space for her things in your room. letting her unpack, you make your way to the front room, finding jaemin and mark on the sofa, seemingly midway through a conversation. 
“oh, don’t let me stop you.” you say, urging them to continue their talk after they cease talking at your arrival.
mark turns back to jaemin. “i think you should go for it, dude, what harm could come out of it, huh?” he says.
you’re curious, “you’re gonna ask her out?” you say to jaemin.
he smirks, “maybe, maybe not.”
somehow, something in your heart doesn’t like the idea of jaemin asking out hayun. you’re not sure if it’s the idea of you and him ending this whole ‘friends with benefits’ situation, or the fact that you’re probably going to have to step back from being his best friend, because, let’s face it, there’s no way she would ever let you stay as close as you now are if they got together.
you slap the idea out of your head; he hasn’t even asked her out yet. 
mark notices the internal battle you have with yourself. “something wrong with that, yn?”
if jaemin wasn’t here right now, blocking you from mark by sitting in between you, you one hundred percent would have punched him at that.
jaemin looks over to you, a questioning expression on his face. 
“uh.. no…” you reply, apprehensive.
“oh come on, i saw the face you just made. you’re jealous that he’s gonna be fucking someone else, aren’t you?” mark continues.
you don’t know what to say, caught off guard by the truth in marks words and the cold presence of jaemins gaze on you. 
“im not jel- “ you begin, but jaemin interrupts you. 
“yn.” he says. it’s just your name but it holds so much meaning. “am i not allowed to have a girlfriend?”
“‘course you can.” you reply, shrugging.
mark raises his eyebrow at you and you seriously consider getting up and kicking him. 
jaemin continues, “good. it's decided then. i'm gonna ask her out.” 
mark pats him on the back, laughing, “good luck, dude.”
you smile in acknowledgement as jaemin thanks mark before chenle comes in, completely changing the subject when he starts complaining about hayun’s infiltration of his ‘well organised fridge.’ 
you zone out their conversation to reassure yourself that you truly don't care that jaemin was going to try to get close to hayun, but you can't help but feel like you're about to be replaced. you always knew it was going to happen, that one day jaemin would want to settle down with a girl. but you're just so used to his playboy personality that you just never expected it to be so soon. 
amongst the endless drill of chatter, you feel a sudden glance in your direction, and as you look up, jaemins eyes suddenly divert away from you, as if he got caught looking. you want to ask him what he wants, but the silence in his demeanour tells you that you shouldn't. it's bittersweet; the end of his situation with you, marks the start of one with hayun. its a trade in which you don't want to be part of, but you fear you have no choice – only time can decide.
the rest of the day went by quickly. maybe it was because of your new addition to the vacation or simply because chenle found a cupboard full of dusty boardgames that you decided to occupy yourselves with. naturally, it was you and mark that beat everyone else at your very long, grueling game of monopoly, but that quickly flipped to jisung when you took your turns at scrabble. 
the entire time, you and mark teased jaemin relentlessly, catching glimpses as he (unwilling) took his seat next to hayun, pushed there by chenle and jisung and ending up on her team. you could tell that he was getting annoyed at you both giggling at him, but you didn't care; it only made the entire thing so much more fun. 
by the end of the night, it was time to sleep, so you and hayun took your rightful sides of the bed. it isn't the best sleeping situation, but you’d much rather sleep beside her than have to experience mark’s sweaty feet ever again. (that experience was not one that you want to remember.)
before you can switch the light off, though, you hear hayun sit up. 
“wait, yn, before we sleep…” she says, and you look at her expectantly, “can i ask you something?”
“sure.” you reply. 
she looks down, fiddling with her fingers. “Its jaemin. is he.. single?”
as if you hadn't heard her, you take a pause, processing her question. 
“yeah.” you let a laugh slip, “why? you like him?”
at your question, she giggles and her voice makes you cringe a little. 
“yes. a lot actually, it's sort of the reason why im here..”
you furrow your brow. “what do you mean?”
she takes a deep breath. “my friends never kicked me out.. i just saw that you guys were also here and, well, i thought it'd be a chance for me to get to know him.”
it's as if your ears are deceiving you, the late night tiredness of the conversation urging you to hallucinate. but it's all real, every last word of it. 
“wait, so, you lied?.. to get us to let you stay?”
she nods, and you don't know if you should pity her or hate her guts. 
because you know what it's like to be in love; you know what it's like to like someone so much to the point where you allow yourself to do stupid things. you understand. 
but that doesnt mean that you like her for it. 
“i know you probably think i'm a horrible person.” she says.
“no.. no, not at all.” you reply, and she smiles at your words. 
“thanks yn.”
you laugh back, “so, jaemin huh?”
she looks back down at her fingers, “yeah.. embarrassing right?”
you smile, not just to her, but to yourself. 
“totally.”
❆ ❆ ❆
all night, you debate with yourself over what hayun had told you. on one hand, you can't agree with what she did: lying like that. but her crush on him means that jaemin would be happy, and as his best friend, you can't take that away from him. therefore, amongst your deep pool of thought, her confession swimming in the depths of your mind, you decide that the best thing for you to do, is to hold off telling him that she lied; not only would it ruin their chances of getting together, but therefore, jaemin would only be upset that he never got the chance.
but just because you can't tell jaemin, doesn't mean you can't tell mark. 
“i really don't know what to think about her.” you say, standing in the kitchen over three pans of eggs. mark had asked you to have the task of cooking them, resorting to focus on the rest of the group's breakfast. you know it's because he can't cook eggs to save his life, but he'll never admit that.
“honestly,” he replies, “who cares if she likes jaemin? she’s a sneaky little liar.” 
you laugh, “i don't know, mark. maybe she's just really in love with him.”
“i’m not so sure about that. how could anyone ever be in love with someone who wears a hoodie saying ‘orgasm donor’ in public.”
you roll your eyes and mark continues, “well, i guess we all know who he's donating to now..”
you slap him around the arm, causing him to cackle at your rash response. 
“anyways,’ he continues, “i wont tell jaemin about it if you don't want me to.” 
you nod, “thanks, mark. oh, and you're burning the bacon by the way.”
“oh shit.”
❆ ❆ ❆
deciding that the weather still wasnt good enough to attempt to make the journey home, you all decided to stay another day. although the day was full of indiscriminate party games and full fledged boredom, you somehow managed to make it through to nightfall. 
you’re nearly drifting off to sleep when you hear a tap at the door of your’s and hayun’s room. turning over to see hayun fast asleep, you get up to see who’s there, wondering what idiot buffoon decided to wake you up at 4 o’clock in the morning. 
by means of absolutely no surprise, it’s a disheveled jaemin, hair sticking up in about seven different directions and a crumpled tshirt that rises ever so slightly above his pyjama pants waistline, exposing skin that you do not have the energy to be fawning over. although, that’s exactly what you’re doing.
assuming that he’s here to finally break the news to hayun in some twisted, sensual late night confession, you turn your back to jaemin to call her name. in noticing what you’re about to do, jaemin reaches an arm around your waist, pulling you close enough to him that the palm of his other hand can cover your mouth. 
“will you shut up?” you don't need to see his face to know he's rolling his eyes, “this isn't exactly something i want her to see.”
oh.
he lets go of you, spinning you round to face him by your shoulders. he’s done this before: knocking on your door in the dead of night when he needs you. but you never expected him to do it here. not after your conversation with mark a few days ago, and certainly not whilst his crush was staying in your room. it all seems so bizarre. 
but you weren't going to say no. 
❆ ❆ ❆
the next morning, you realise that you had completely and utterly fucked up. 
the warmth of jaemin next to you remains, his arm slung lazily over the front of your stomach. you expect to open your eyes to jaemins ceiling back at home, but to much avail, you are very much still on vacation.
and you had four pairs of eyes staring down on you both to prove that. 
you jump out of jaemin’s hold immediately, causing him to slowly stir before mumbling something incoherent into the sheets. when he finally realises the situation you’re in, he takes the pillow beside his head, pushing it into his face. 
“you promised you wouldn't do it here, man.” mark starts. but your focus isn't on him, it's on hayun. 
and she's livid.
you turn the attention of your words to her. “im sorry. i should have told you.”
jaemin finally gets up, picking up his discarded shirt off the ground and pulling it over his head before sitting back on the end of the bed. 
hayun eyes him for any form of an apologetic sense, but he gives off nothing, and you fear this only makes her angrier.
your fear is proven correct when she suddenly snaps at you, “you knew i liked him and you still went and did this behind my back?”
at her words, the mood in the room suddenly shifts. what was an atmosphere of laughter and mischief at them catching you and jaemin together, is now suddenly a room of tension, a room that you no longer want to be in. 
but it's jaemins reaction that formulates the world's most unfortunate predicament. 
his head turns to you, a look of disappointment and what seems to be hurt, plastered on his face. “she likes me? and you hid it from me?”
you don't know what else to say, so you just tell him the truth. “yes, but it's not that simpl-”
“i don't care, yn.” he gets up, pushing past chenle to the bathroom before shutting the door behind him. 
fuck. you’ve messed up.
but one thing is nagging at you: jaemin seems to care far more about the fact that you hid the truth from him than what the truth actually entailed. you tell yourself he’s probably just embarrassed. either that or just completely and utterly in denial about it. either way, he’s acting strange; he should be happy, not angry. 
the entire day, jaemin didn’t utter a single word to you. as for hayun, she had been hidden away in your room, not speaking to a single person and avoiding any opportunity to accidentally bump into you. you did feel bad, you should have told her about it the second that she confessed her feelings for jaemin to you. but you had assumed from jaemin’s previous conversation with you, that you were calling it off, jaemin seeming pretty aware about the fact that she was now here. how were you supposed to predict him rocking up to your room at 4am?
anyhow, you spent the day with mark, discussing the ending of titanic and eating way too much chocolate to be healthy. when night came once more, you decided that it probably wasn't the best idea to go back to your room, scared about facing the wrath of the girl who resided in it. instead, after washing up in the bathroom, you make your way to the sofa in the front room. 
your actions are halted when you hear voices coming from the other side of jaemin’s door. you know you shouldn't eavesdrop on a private conversation, but you can’t help yourself. 
you register the second voice as mark as you get close enough to hear them clearer, just enough until you can hear what they're saying.
your heart hurts in your chest when you do. 
“i'm still going to ask her out, even with things the way they are.” you hear jaemin whisper. 
it's like a sudden shot to the chest. this is exactly what you feared from the very beginning, this is exactly what you trusted jaemin enough not to do. 
he’s choosing her over his best friend; he’s choosing her over you. 
trying to remain as quiet as possible, you continue your journey to the sofa, pain causing you to wince with every footstep – he's leaving you behind.
as you lie on the sofa, the chill air of the cabin surrounding you despite the presence of the fireplace, forcing you to wrap the blanket around you tighter, you struggle to bring yourself to sleep. but when you hear footsteps from the kitchen, you peek your head over the back of the sofa to see who’s there. 
at your movement, the culprit looks up from their snack-making and their eyes meet yours.
“jaemin?” you whisper, “why are you awake?”
“hungry.” he turns back, working on spreading the peanut butter onto his bagel. “what are you doing sleeping out here? it's way too cold.”
you stand up, making your way to the kitchen to stand behind him, blanket wrapped around your shoulders as you shiver from the frost. “i don’t think hayun likes me right now.” you say.
jaemin turns to face you, biting into his bagel. “i wonder why.” he says sarcastically, mouth half-full. you hate to admit it, but he looks incredibly alluring, he always does in the middle of the night. 
you hate the fact that he’s acting this way with you, dismissive and persistent, but he has every right, you hid so much from him, and you hurt him in the process. 
you’re at war with yourself, but in all honesty you know that you were in the wrong; for your friendship to work, you need to tell him everything. everything.
“actually,” you start, taking a deep breath, “there’s something you don't know.”
jaemin’s interest in the conversation suddenly spikes, looking for you to continue. 
“hayun… she.. wasn’t actually abandoned by her friends.”
“what?”
“the night she told me she liked you, she also told me that she ditched her friends because she saw that we were here. she lied about them kicking her out so that we would feel bad and let her stay, so that then she could finally get her chance to talk to you.” you pause, attempting to read jaemin’s face but failing, getting nothing from his expression. “i should have told you, but i didn't want you to get hurt. instead… i did exactly that. i'm sorry, jaemin, really.”
when you finish speaking, you notice as jaemin’s lips slightly curl into a smile before dropping back to his cold demeanor, and it makes you question whether you really saw it or if it was just your mind playing tricks on you. 
“yn..” he trails off, whatever he wants to say interrupted by your sudden panic in not wanting to embarrassing yourself.
you ramble, scared that he won't accept your apology. “but like you said to mark earlier, if you still want to ask her out, that's fin-”
“wait, what?” jaemin says, moving from his position leaning against the counter to stand upright. 
“i, um, heard you and mark talking earlier about how you were still going to ask her out despite everything..” you say. 
jaemin laughs to himself and you grow confused. “oh, yn.” he says. 
“what? what’s so funny?”
“you never did get my hints, did you.”
your heart freezes in your throat, the cold weather no longer chilling you but instead the bitter taste of jaemin’s words as they formulate in your brain. 
he continues, noticing your confusion. “it was never her that i had a crush on. it was never her that i was planning to ask out.”
you’re struggling to breath, each intake of oxygen getting caught in your chest. 
“yeah, i thought she was kinda pretty when i first saw her across my lecture a few months ago, but that was long before i fell for who i really wanted.” he smiles, inching closer to you. “and after everyone found out that i was sleeping with you, i decided that there was no longer an excuse for me to hide my feelings.” he takes a hold of your hand, looking down at it as he plays with your fingers. “i was starting to get pretty pissed that you wouldn’t pick up any of my hints, you know? you can’t even imagine how embarrassed i was to find out that it was because you were trying to play cupid for me and someone else.”
your mind is vacant, filled with the epiphany of his words as they resonate in your head, playing a tune of melancholic rhythm as it twists into an allegro.
“but… the rule.” you say. 
jaemin chuckles, “i think we stopped caring about those rules a while ago, yn. i know i did. ”
you’re no longer cold, jaemins warmth radiating against you like the blissful aura of a flame, attracting you and drawing you closer. 
it was then that you realised that you haven't said anything to equate his long speech, but words can do nothing to describe the way that you’re feeling. its as if someone had approached you with a mirror, brutally displaying each of your own hidden thoughts and projecting them back at you. because every single word that jaemin muttered, you found deep within yourself. it all clicks, perfectly and irrevocably, into place. your jealousy, your embarrassment, your stupidity. 
your love. 
instead of attempting to sum up all of your feelings into words, you do the one thing that will live up to the emotions that reside within you. taking not a single moment to prepare yourself, you lean closer to him, his eyes finding your lips. you nod, its small but the gesture means so much. it's an agreement, a sealing of mutual understanding. it's slow and it's incredibly gentle as his lips greet yours, soft in a way unlike ever before. kisses between you and jaemin were always the result of lust, of stupidity. but now, it's the result of something far greater. 
it’s love. 
❆ ❆ ❆
when the sun rises above the horizon, you leap from jaemin’s bed, him giggling at your eagerness. 
“oh my god, it's finally clear!!” you yell, waking up each of the boys with your burst of excitement. you could finally go home. 
the morning consisted of three major revelations. one: you all contacting hayun’s friends, watching as they dragged her into their car to drive her home. two: discovering that chenle had only showered once throughout the entire vacation (you all started placing bids as to who gets to not sit next to him on the journey back) and three: witnessing the boys’ reactions to your’s and jaemins new secret. 
“i knew you’d do it, dude.” mark said, attempting to fist bump jaemin in the most cringe-worthy interaction you’ve ever seen in your life. jisung and chenle however, were completely baffled, and it took about thirty minutes of explaining for them to understand that it was you that jaemin had a crush on, and not hayun. you’re still convinced that jisung doesn't understand.
once you had all packed your things, you grabbed your suitcases, standing in the porch as chenle locked the front door for the final time. 
“im going to miss this place.” mark says, exaggerating an act of sadness as he clutches his chest. 
“im not,” chenle replies, “i’ve never been so bored in my entire fucking life.”
“it’s been fun.” you say, smiling.
jaemin’s voice comes from next to you. “eh, could have been better.” 
you turn to him in offence. 
he continues, “i'm just saying, i never got to actually snowboard.”
“are you suggesting what i think you’re suggesting…?” mark replies, looking around the group and meeting similar grins and looks of hopefulness. 
jaemin shrugs, “i dont know, am i?”
as if on cue, you all drop your suitcases in the snow, laughter and coils of happiness springing between you as you run to the shed behind the cabin for one last time. 
no other winter ski trip ever got near to living up to that one. 
not even close. 
469 notes · View notes
solxamber · 2 months ago
Note
haii can i req octotrio, malleus, and leona (all seperate!) with a reader like kokomi from genshin thats also a jellyfish? romantic or not it doesn’t matter to me ^_^ also feel free to add more characters the more the merrier :3
Leona, Octatrio, Malleus, Riddle, Vil, Rook, Rollo x Kokomi!Jellyfish!Reader
a/n; i felt pretty inspired so i added quite a few <3
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Leona Kingscholar
Leona pretends he’s indifferent, but your serene and calculated demeanor throws him off.
The first time he sees your glowing form under the moonlight, he blinks twice, convinced he’s hallucinating. “Tch, what’s with the light show? Trying to blind me or something?” But secretly, he’s mesmerized.
Your habit of calmly handling disputes in the dorm (often between Ruggie and others) frustrates him. “You can’t just talk people into behaving,” he grumbles, only to watch you succeed every time.
Leona’s competitive side comes out when he learns about your strategic mind. Chess games with you become a weekly ritual, and losing to you annoys him more than he’ll admit.
Despite his gruffness, he’s deeply protective of you, especially when someone comments on your jellyfish-like features. “Say that again, and I’ll show you why you don’t mess with jellyfish.”
Sometimes, he watches you float gracefully in water, pretending he’s there for a nap. “Stop staring at me, Leona.” “Who’s staring? I’m just resting my eyes.”
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Azul Ashengrotto
Azul is immediately intrigued by your jellyfish traits and calm demeanor—after all, you’re a marine creature, and that’s his territory.
Your bioluminescence is something he secretly envies, though he’ll never admit it. “A marvelous ability,” he says while scribbling notes for future contracts.
Your strategic thinking makes you one of the few people who can keep up with him in negotiations. He offers you a job at the Lounge almost immediately, “to better utilize your talents.”
Whenever Floyd or Jade annoys him, Azul uses you as a buffer. “Perhaps you could… calm them down?” And, to his astonishment, it works. Even Floyd listens to you.
He’s absolutely fascinated by your glowing hair and jellyfish-like appendages. “Do they serve a specific function, or are they purely aesthetic?” he asks while trying not to sound overly eager.
Azul secretly finds your tranquil nature soothing. After a long day of scheming, he’ll seek your company under the guise of “strategic discussions,” but really, he just wants to hear your voice.
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Jade Leech
Jade is utterly fascinated by you from the moment he meets you. Your resemblance to a jellyfish sparks his curiosity.
He constantly asks you questions about your biology, glowing abilities, and lifestyle. “Do you use your bioluminescence to lure prey, or is it purely decorative?”
Jade enjoys teasing you, especially when you’re peacefully floating in water. “You look so serene. It’s almost a shame to disturb you.” Then he splashes you.
He respects your calm and collected demeanor, but he’s determined to find out what flusters you. Watching your serene mask slip is his new favorite pastime.
If someone dares insult you, Jade’s smile grows even sharper. “I wouldn’t recommend making an enemy of a jellyfish, you know. They’re far more dangerous than they appear.”
He enjoys your company during his hikes, fascinated by how your glowing presence adds an ethereal beauty to the forest.
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Floyd Leech
Floyd is absolutely obsessed with you. You’re a jellyfish, and jellyfish are cool—end of story.
He immediately nicknames you “Jelly,” much to your mild exasperation. “C’mon, Jelly! Let’s go do something fun!”
Floyd loves poking at your glowing features. “What happens if I touch this? Will it zap me?” (You have to swat his hand away repeatedly.)
Your calm nature intrigues him. “How do you stay so chill all the time? Don’t you ever wanna, like, flip out?” He sees it as a personal challenge to get you riled up.
He’s oddly protective of you. If anyone messes with you, Floyd’s mood sours instantly, and you have to calm him down before he does something drastic.
Floyd loves dragging you into the water to “swim like real jellyfish.” His playful nature contrasts hilariously with your serene floating.
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Malleus Draconia
Malleus finds you absolutely enchanting. Your ethereal glow and calm presence remind him of a fairytale.
The first time he sees you glowing in the dark, he’s convinced you’re some sort of spirit. “Are you a creature of the night, summoned by the stars?” You laugh, which only confuses him more.
He adores your serene demeanor and often seeks your company when he’s feeling lonely. “You have a calming presence. It is… soothing.”
Your strategic mind impresses him. He occasionally consults you on matters of state, and your insight leaves him in awe.
Malleus is enchanted by your glowing features and bioluminescence. He often compares you to the stars and moon. “You shine as brightly as the night sky,” he says, his voice soft.
He’s protective of you, especially when others don’t understand your unique traits. “Anyone who dares mock your beauty will answer to me,” he declares, his aura dark and foreboding.
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Riddle Rosehearts
Riddle is equal parts fascinated and exasperated by your serene and dreamy nature.
He struggles to reconcile your gentle demeanor with the strict order he upholds. “You can’t just let them get away with breaking rules.” But you always seem to handle things so effortlessly, he can’t help but feel a little envious.
The first time he sees your bioluminescence, he’s stunned. “W-What are you glowing for? Is that some sort of trick?” He secretly thinks it’s mesmerizing.
Your calmness has a soothing effect on him during his temperamental moments. When you gently suggest he take a deep breath, he can’t find it in himself to argue.
Your strategic mind earns his respect, especially when you help him resolve dorm conflicts with minimal drama. He finds himself seeking your counsel more often than he’d like to admit.
He tries to deny how much your presence comforts him, but when you glow softly under the moonlight, he’s reminded of the beauty of following one’s heart.
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Vil Schoenheit
Vil finds you utterly captivating, both for your glowing beauty and your ability to remain so composed under pressure.
He immediately notices your bioluminescence and praises it as “natural elegance.” He may even use it as inspiration for his next photoshoot.
Vil admires your calm demeanor but insists on refining your presentation. “Grace comes naturally to you, but you must carry it with intention.”
Your ability to remain poised even under stress makes him jealous sometimes. He spends hours perfecting himself while you seem effortlessly radiant.
The two of you often engage in long conversations about leadership and balance. He’s impressed by your thoughtful insight, though he won’t always admit it.
He pretends not to care when others praise your ethereal glow, but he can’t help but feel proud, especially when you stand by his side at events.
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Rook Hunt
Rook is absolutely enchanted by your jellyfish-inspired traits and ethereal aura.
The first time he sees your bioluminescence, he dramatically declares, “Magnifique! You are a creature of the heavens, a glowing gem beneath the sea!”
Rook constantly watches you, fascinated by the way you move and speak. He calls it research, but it’s really just admiration.
Your calmness intrigues him. He frequently tests your patience with his flamboyant antics, but you never falter, much to his delight.
He adores how your strategic mind contrasts with your soft demeanor. “You are as cunning as you are serene, ma chérie méduse.”
Rook writes poems inspired by your bioluminescent glow, claiming that no words could ever truly capture your beauty.
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Rollo Flamme
Rollo is conflicted about you. Your calm, composed nature intrigues him, but your glowing features remind him of magic—something he loathes.
The first time he sees you glowing, he’s visibly unsettled. “Is this some kind of magic trick? I don’t trust it.” Yet, he can’t look away.
Your tranquil demeanor softens his usual disdain. He begrudgingly admits that you’re… tolerable, though his fascination with you grows daily.
Rollo’s jealousy flares whenever others praise your ethereal beauty. “They’re only bewitched by appearances,” he mutters, trying to convince himself he’s not affected.
Your intelligence earns his respect, though he won’t openly say it. He finds himself relying on your calm judgment more than he’d like.
Despite his feelings about magic, he catches himself enjoying the way your glow lights up dark spaces. It’s almost… comforting.
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Masterlist
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worshipthecrow · 4 days ago
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"Meeting the parents"
Summary: You received a call from your mother while you were with Sylus, your parents want to meet your boyfriend.
Content: Sylusx Female! Reader, Reader is exaggerating the situation in her head, death threats.
A/n: I introduced Sylus to my parents with the tete-a-tete function and more or less the things that happened are portrayed here, some comments were made after explaining them the whole game and stuff. English is not my first language, if you find any mistakes, let me know so I can correct them.
One, two, three breaths you took before opening the door and stepping inside with your heart pounding in your chest and cold sweat on your back, Sylus was waiting for you to return from your phone call.
His shirt half open and his lips swollen from the long kissing session would be a hot and inviting sight if it weren’t for your mother’s voice booming in your brain.
We want to meet him, you’ve been with him for how long? A year? And you still haven’t brought him home, if that was a lie don’t worry honey, my friend’s son is still single and very handsome.
Your mother’s playful tone made you frown, you exchanged a few more words and hung up the phone.
He smiled sideways at you, waiting for you to sit back on his lap to continue.
“Hey…” you didn’t let him finish when the words came out of your mouth like a suppressed cough, fast and violent “
“My parents want to meet you”
You noticed the slight change in his gaze and posture, but then he relaxed again, held out his hand for you to take, which you did without thinking because of habit, and making you sit on his lap, tangling his finger in a lock of your hair.
“When?” a simple question, you expected more, maybe nervousness, maybe that he would refuse, but there was only one question.
Why don’t you bring him tonight? I’m making pork ribs, your favorite, it would be a good time to meet him.
It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order said sweetly with a little threat.
“Tonight” you whispered, he hummed caressing the skin on your arm, nervousness didn’t let you enjoy the sweet touch.
“All right, if that’s what you want, sweetie” you let out a heavy sigh you didn’t know you were holding in.
And for the rest of the afternoon, it was you, stressed to the bone that what would happen in this inevitable disaster, someone would die, and you hoped it would be you, just to get away from this situation.
Sylus took you to your parents’ house on his motorcycle, you would have preferred to go by car, taking advantage of the traffic to get ready or to fake an emergency, but no, the way was too short and fast and now that you were in front of the door you wanted to vomit your guts on the floor.
It was he who rang the doorbell, just long enough to be heard but not annoying, the door was opened by your mother, the image was endearing, the chubby little woman greeted the two of you with a sweet smile letting you in, she still had her apron on, wet and you guessed she was washing the utensils she used to cook.
Your father was in the living room, you noticed the tiny sauce stain on his shoe, and you knew that today, of all days, would be the worst day of your life, nothing good came out of it when your father was helping your mother cook.
Your mother called everyone to the dining room, your stomach was doing somersaults, you walked stiffly to your seat, Sylus, out of habit, opened the chair for you to sit down and then sat next to you.
Your mother served your plate first, as always, the smell of the ribs, that delicious smell that always made your mouth water made you feel the worst nausea you had ever experienced in your life.
You watched her prepare your father’s dish, and the familiar fight of “one more” “no, the doctor said to watch your cholesterol” took some of the tension out of the situation, but knowing that the next dish to be served would be Sylus’ only reminded you of the chaos that was about to unfold, you prayed to any god that was willing to listen to you even though you had never been devoted to any of them.
Your mother took the plate placed two ribs and you held your breath as your mom’s voice came through your ears like the scream of a banshee.
“So, Sylus, what do you do for a living?” the smack of the mashed potatoes against the plate almost made you squeal.
“I run a family-owned business that covers a range of services and offers various products. We deliver fruit and even sell state-of-the-art technology and I work with a lot of talented individuals. If you’reinterested, I’d be happy to discuss it in more detail another time.”
You buried your fingernails in your thigh, the way your father bit into the rib meat made your heart stop for a second and the look on your mother’s face didn’t make you feel any better either, you slowly chewed the tender juicy meat, feeling it like lead in your mouth.
“And what do you do in your spare time?” your father’s piercing gaze said he wanted to give him a shot between the eyebrows, too bad that wouldn’t work, you knew it too well.
“My hobbies are very simple. I collect vynil records, play the organ, and occasionally sing. According to your daughter, my singing isn’t too bad.” The sideways smile made you blush as you shoved mashed potatoes in your mouth and avoided the zucchini from the boiled vegetables. “Do you like to sing? If so. You’re always welcome to visit my private karaoke bar.”
“Do you live with anyone? Your family?”
You bit into the carrot so hard that your teeth hurt.
“I live alone and I have a relatively flexible schedule” you blushed and drank from your pomegranate juice as your mother looked sideways at you, you knew what was going through her head. “I stay at my base most of the time. Otherwise, I’m in a hotel for business meetings or go to my private ranch when I need to unwind.”
Sylus smiled softly, and you swallowed saliva admiring how his factions softened.
“I own several beautiful horses, and one of them has grown particularly fond of your daughter. The two of them offer frolic together at the ranch. I like seeing her be carefree and happy” you held back a surprised gasp at his words, you needed to scream, preferably at your best friend, as you melted into a puddle of mush, that was too sweet, ugh. “… if I might ask, are either of you interested in shooting or racing?”
Now you wanted to scream, but out of hysteria, even though you were a wanderer hunter it’s not like your parents were too happy about it when they expected you to be something else, like a doctor, a lawyer, even a teacher, gun handling was always a constant discussion when you lived with them and expressed your desire to be a hunter.
“I have licensed facilities filled with the necessary equipment. You’re welcome to enjoy them to your heart’s content, while it might not be obvious at first glance, I’m very good at taking care of people”
You decided to concentrate on your plate, while eating, you blinked for a couple of seconds noticing something strange but ignored it in favor of continuing eating your pork ribs.
“Because of our time together, I developed new interests. I enjoy taking her to auctions and fashion shows, I like seeing her shine, And her happiness is my happiness”
Your heart stopped at the softness of voice, you wanted to cry in his arms and tell him you loved him, but that would be too dramatic at a family dinner and you could do that when you got back to his house in the N109 Zone.
“What about the future, hmm?” everyone had finished as they spoke, you felt a lump in your throat hard to swallow, what about the future indeed, you squeezed your glass as you took a swig.
“I’ll always support her with whatever she wants to do. I’ll also stand by her side without question”
The Table was silent for a few seconds while your father picked up the dirty dishes and your mother took something out of the refrigerator, you recognized the pot immediately, you had seen it so many times during birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and New Year.
You got up and opened a drawer and took out a plate and helped your mother unmold the flan, the color of the caramel reminded you of your childhood, when on your birthday your mother made a small mold just for you, of Christmas fighting with your older brother for the last slice, which in the end you shared sitting on the floor playing on the console.
It had been so long since you had eaten your mother’s flan, that seeing it now was just a balm for your stressed heart.
You left the plate with the flan on the table carefully, your mother took the knife out of a drawer and returned to the table to cut it.
“Everything you said was very nice Sylus” your mother’s voice gave you a shiver that went all the way down your spine to the back of your neck. “But alas for you where you hurt her, I don’t want to see her cry because of you, because I swear every time you go out you are going to have to watch your back, because if I have to, I will disappear you and no one will ever find you, was I clear enough?”
The sight was hilarious, your mother, the short woman, shorter than you in fact, was threatening the leader of Onychinus with a kitchen knife shiny from the caramel for having cut the flan, with a sweet smile as she offered him the plate with the dessert.
Sylus wasn’t expecting it at all from the look of utter surprise on his face, accepting the plate with a sideways smile.
“Like crystal” he replied softly and your mother smiled again as she handed out the plates, you breathed easy that she hadn’t stabbed him, your father poured the coffee, you put sugar and milk in yours.
The rest passed relatively quietly, lighter conversations and your father constantly telling you to take care of yourself on your missions and your mother reminding you that you could always come home if you decided to quit your job.
After finishing dessert and coffee your father took you to the garage, saying he had something to show you, you followed him thinking it would be some new car he was repairing, or a modified motorcycle, but no, he sat in his folding chair and you sat next to him, nervous about leaving Sylus and your mother alone for too long, you didn’t know if she would try to stab him in the back.
“Does he treat you well?” your father looked at you with his dark eyes, the ones you had inherited, and you nodded.
“He does”
“He seems nice, and he has money” you nodded, uncomfortable about that last “I was worried, when he said he stayed in hotels, that he worked with “individuals”, I thought he would cheat on you” your heart pounded in your chest, you once had that same thought but the fact that Sylus would always answer your calls, messages no matter the time or place removed those doubts a long time ago, “but then, he started eating the zucchini off your plate when you put them aside and the looks, he looked at you like you were the moon, like you put the sun in the sky, it gave me diabetes”
And you laughed, so hard that you threw your head back as you laughed at the top of your lungs, you laughed until your stomach hurt and your father looked at you like you were insane even though he was smiling subtly.
Sylus appeared a few moments later as you were catching your breath, your cheek half numb.
“Your mother wants you to help her dry the dishes”
You got up from your chair and walked towards the door, when Sylus turned to follow you your father called him to talk to him, you looked at him and nodded, you weren’t worried, if your mother didn’t try to kill him your father wouldn’t either, you went to the kitchen and your mother greeted you with a cloth to dry the dishes and you waited.
“I like him” she said “I like that he talked about you like that, he almost doesn’t seem real” you snorted under your breath, wondering what the two of them must have said while you were gone. “Better than your exes, definitely”
You groaned, remembering that your closest group of friends from high school still called your ex from that time “evil cockroach”, and still laughed at his love misfortunes when they got to hear something about him, you were fine staying out of it, but your mean side also felt satisfaction when it turned out that his last girlfriend had dumped him.
“He has everything you like as well, music lover, animal lover, and I am relieved to know he has gun licenses, that means he will always be able to take care of you and you will have good weapons for your missions” your mother dried the flan pot and put it back in its special drawer.
“The hunters association provides us with enough guns” although you weren’t going to deny that the Harrier 700’s were your favorite.
“He’s very much in love with you” your mother evaded the subject of your job, as always, you knew her stance on your safety and the many times you had been scolded over the phone when you were in the hospital was reminder enough “tie him up”
“Mom!” you shouted, shocked, you knew she meant ‘marry him’ but with Sylus it could be very literal that matter.
“What? You would have cute babies” you covered your face in embarrassment, leaving the plate you were drying on the counter so as not to throw it on the floor “and he has nice buttocks”
“MOM!” you shouted in a high pitched voice, definitely embarrassed and your mother laughed at you, you were aware of Sylus’ attributes, but you didn’t want to discuss them with your mother.
“He hides things doesn’t he?” you nodded, calmer at the change of subject, although it wasn’t something you wanted to discuss either, you continued drying the plates and glasses. “But you know what it is?” another nod from you “Well, as long as you know it’s okay, but I don’t want to get you out of prison”
You rolled your eyes but smiled anyway, aware of the approval your parents were giving, your mother a little too enthusiastic, your mother and you finished drying the dishes just as Sylus and your father were coming back in.
The goodbye was better than the welcome and without the stress you felt tired all at once, you wanted to go back and sleep for the next week.
With a last hug to your mother and the mortification that she gave you a condom, you rode up behind Sylus on the bike and hugged him around the waist until you returned home.
You threw yourself on the bed, ready to accomplish your desires, Sylus pulled off your pants as you grunted and tucked you under the blanket, then lay down behind you, brushing your face with something, you opened your eyes and ripped the platinum package from his fingers and threw it on the nightstand, you cursed your mother.
“Don’t even think about laughing” you said through your teeth.
“You are kinda like your mom, she’s the one in charge isn’t she?” you sighed and laid on your back.
“Yeah, my dad has a bad temper, but my mom is the one in charge, if she says do it you do it” you saw his sideways grin.
“It runs in the family I guess, you’re bossy too, Kitten” he kissed your neck and even though you wanted to get mad you couldn’t, you were tired and wanted to sleep, until…
“What did you and my mom talk about?” The kissing stopped and Sylus lay back, towering over you resting his head in his palm and his elbow on the pillow.
“Your past relationships and veiled threats disguised as funny comments, who is ‘the evil cockroach’?”
“Ugh, my chronically unfaithful ex” you shrugged “that would be a better story to tell when you meet my friends, they make it funnier”
“Oh, so I’ll meet the group too?” the comment had come out of nowhere, but if you introduced him to your parents, who you were most worried about them meeting, your friends should be easier no?
“I guess so, although I’ll have to arrange the meeting when we’re all free” you were already getting a slight headache just thinking about squaring schedules so you could set up a meeting.
“I’ll be available whenever you want” you smiled softly at him, you were too grateful that he seconded you on all the things you wanted to do, whether they were ridiculously childish or not.
“I’ll talk to them tomorrow, now I want to sleep” you turned in bed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him down and put your face in the crook of his neck, Sylus wrapped his arms around your waist as he gently stroked your back.
You drifted off to sleep, as you thought about the best way to tell your friends that you wanted them to meet your mysterious boyfriend you talked about all the time. Maybe something like…
“Hey, do you guys want to meet my boyfriend?”
Yeah, that might be nice.
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mapiforpresident · 3 months ago
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Arsenal or Barca femini x teen reader prompt 30 pretty please
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"You look like Hell."
Barca x teen reader
warnings: mentions of partying, alcohol
~~~
In your defense, you had totally forgotten that Alexia had changed the date of the bonding day to today. So when she called you, her voice a mix of concern and annoyance, asking where you were, you were caught off guard. You had been out all night at a party with some of your friends from high school and forgot that you had team bonding the next day at noon. Only Alexia would schedule a team bonding event at noon.
Not wanting Alexia to keep calling you, you got ready and headed over to her house a couple blocks from yours.
As soon as you entered, Lucy spotted you first. “You look like hell,” she blurted out, her lips twisting into a playful grin. The rest of the team turned to look at you, some stifling laughter, others raising eyebrows in amusement.
“Thanks, Lucy,” you replied, rolling your eyes but unable to suppress a grin. “I really needed that boost of confidence.”
“Seriously though, what happened?” Keira asked, stepping forward and half dragging you to sit on the couch in between her and Aitana.
“Did you at least have fun?” Aitana inquired as you leaned back into the couch yawning.
“Yeah, it was a blast until Alexia called me before noon on my day off,” you said, glancing at the faces of your teammates who were all amused at the situation and the state of you.
“Next time, set an alarm,” Keira suggested with a playful nudge. “Or just don’t party before team bonding. You know how Alexia gets about these things.”
You chuckled, knowing exactly what she meant. Alexia was always on high alert when it came to team cohesion and you partying during the season, and you could already picture her stern expression if she knew how late you’d been out.
Just then, Alexia appeared from the kitchen with a tray of snacks, her eyes narrowing at the sight of you. “Y/N, I swear if you’re not here for the whole event, I’m going to have a serious talk with you.”
You threw your hands up in mock surrender. “I’m here! I promise!”
“Good. Now, sit tight and try to look like a functioning human being,” she said with a smirk before handing out snacks to the team.
As the card games begin, you continuously got teased by your teammates. You loved this team and they truly felt like family, especially in moments like these, even if you would rather be sleeping.
“Alright, Y/N, your turn!” Patri called out, grinning as you groaned.
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flickering-chandelier · 8 months ago
Text
Long Story Short 
Pairing: Single Dad Cassian x Bestie Reader
Synopsis: Cassian loved Reader for as long as he could remember, but there never seemed to be any opportunity for more. Then what was meant to be a random one night stand ends with Cassian, alone, with a baby in his arms. Throughout this new journey in his life, Reader is there for him in ways that he never could have expected.
Based on this request! 🩷
Warnings: smut, pregnancy, swearing, a lil angst, mutual pining
Word Count: 6k
Cassian’s heart ached as he watched you settle in beside your lover, his arm slinging around your shoulders, your smile bright and loving as you looked at him, in your own little world as your friends talked and laughed at the table around you. 
He hated it when you brought him along to what he considered to be family functions, meant for the people Cassian loved. And that asshole certainly did not fit into that category. 
Okay, he could concede that this guy wasn’t that bad. But, he certainly wasn’t good enough for you. Nobody ever could be, but certainly not Zaden. 
Cassian knew he wasn’t good enough for you either, but he would try his damn hardest to be everything you needed if you ever gave him the chance. He had loved you so intensely for so long, he couldn’t imagine how you hadn’t already figured it out. He felt like the whole world dimmed in your presence, with you standing out in vibrant color against everything else. 
Suddenly, Azriel nudged him subtly with his elbow, and Cassian came back to real life, to the one where you loved him as a friend and nothing more, where you went to Zaden’s bed every night --
Rhysand was looking at him expectantly. Cassian cleared his throat. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked how training is going in the mountains,” Rhysand purred, clearly amused to catch Cassian in the middle of a daydream. 
He was glad for the distraction, and gave them all updates about how the Illyrian armies were shaping up, before suffering through the rest of dinner with you across from him.
Cassian bolted out of his seat as soon as the plates were cleared, heading into the city, needing fresh air, needing some kind of distraction that would make his heart stop hurting for just a little bit. 
He ended up at a bar, tossing back glass after glass of amber liquid until a stranger sat right next to him, her arm brushing against his as she settled on top of the stool. 
When he looked at her, her eyes were already locked on his, her mouth curved into a sultry smile. She was beautiful, he had to admit. Not as beautiful as you obviously, but attractive nevertheless. 
She turned fully towards him, making small talk as she brushed her fingers along his arm. 
And he thought this could be a damn good distraction. 
---
Weeks later, you burst through Cassian’s door, tears in your eyes. 
Cassian stood up immediately, and you ran to him, burying your face in his chest as he held you close. “What is it?” he asked. 
“Zaden broke up with me,” you sniffed. 
He held you tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. ���What? Why?”
You groaned. “He said it just wasn’t working.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, tilting your chin up so he could look at you. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Can we just hang out today?” You asked. “Is that okay?” 
“Of course it is,” he said, his heart leaping that he was the one you ran to. 
For the rest of the day, the two of you lounged around, and Cassian was doing everything he could to make you feel better.
When the sun dipped below the horizon, you were settled under his arm, your head against his chest. “I can’t believe I wasn’t good enough for him,” you said quietly. 
“No, don’t do that,” he said, and you tilted your head up to look at him curiously. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” 
“Cassian,” you whispered. 
“I mean it,” he murmured. Surely, you had to know. After all this time, how could you not see it?
Your breath hitched, your gaze dipping to Cassian’s lips for a moment. 
Then you were leaning toward him, your lips gently meeting his. He sucked in a breath, and shifted you so you were sitting on top of him. You were holding his face in your hands, kissing him and this is all he’s ever wanted, and he longed to melt into you and stay there forever, but…
He pulled back from you, his heart breaking. “You’re sad and you’re vulnerable. We shouldn’t.”
“Cassian,” you said, your voice breaking. “Have you ever thought about… us?” 
His heart lurched, his mind reeling, trying to decide how much to tell you. “Of course I have,” he said quietly, running his thumb lightly across your cheekbone.
Something like hope flickered in your eyes, and Cassian’s heart swelled. “You have?” You whispered. 
Cassian almost laughed, years of pining over you flashing through his mind. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing you softly. “You’re incredible,” was all he could manage.
You laughed lightly. “So are you…” Your voice trailed off, your eyes darting away from his, a habit he knew meant you were trying to find the courage to say something. After a moment, your eyes locked on his again and you said softly, “Maybe we could be incredible together.”
Your name rushed out of Cassian’s mouth like a gasp before he could stop it. His heart sank into his stomach. He wanted you. Of course he did. But he didn’t want to be your rebound, the one you only noticed right after someone else had broken your heart. He wanted to be your first choice, the only one that mattered. 
He ran his thumb along your cheekbone. “If you really want to give us a shot… I think we should wait. Your emotions are all over the place right now, and I don’t --” he stopped short. 
Your eyes were swimming with pain as you looked at him, your hands on his shoulders. It broke his heart. “You don’t what?” you whispered.
I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want you to hurt me, because I wouldn’t survive it. Not from you.
He swallowed. “I just think we should wait a few weeks. Give yourself time to get over Zaden.”
You slid off his lap and stood up, hardly looking at him. “Okay,” you said quietly. 
And without another word, you were gone.
Cassian prayed to the Mother that he hadn’t just fucked up his one chance.
---
A few days later, Cassian was still reeling from what you said. You had barely spoken since then, which was putting him even more on edge. 
Multiple times, he had contemplated throwing his dignity out the window and running to you, begging you to forget everything he had said and be with him already. 
But he wouldn’t do it. If he was going to be with you, he had to know it was because you actually wanted him. 
He ended up back at the bar that night, to drink away his problems, to soothe the anxiety he felt every time he thought of you just the slightest bit. 
Cassian had been sitting there for about an hour when a woman sidled up to him. He was about to brush her away, not in the mood, until he realized he knew her. It was his hookup from weeks ago. 
“Oh hey,” he said, wondering if she would even remember him. “Lana, right?”
She nodded, shooting him a tight smile that was nothing at all like the one he remembered. “I’m glad I ran into you. We -- umm. We need to talk.”
The tone in her voice sent him immediately on edge. He straightened, turning to face her fully. “About what?”
Lana winced slightly and that’s when it hit him. He didn’t pick up on it at first in the crowded room, but he could scent it now. “You’re pregnant,” he blurted. 
“Yes,” she said quietly, looking at him sheepishly. “It’s yours.”
“You’re sure?” Cassian choked out, his mind reeling.
“Trust me, I’m sure,” she ground out. 
“Wow.” He said. “Okay. Wow. This is -- Cauldron, this is…”
“Insane?” she offered.
He nodded, in a daze. “Sure. That works.”
Lana stayed silent, watching Cassian digest it. 
“I mean, I’m happy, I think,” Cassian said. “I’ve always wanted a family someday, and children are such a blessing. I just didn’t think it would be…now.”
“With a stranger,” she added. 
“Right.” He turned to Lana then, feeling like a complete idiot. “Gods, how are you feeling about all this?”
She smiled weakly. “About the same, I think. I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest. Being a mom, I mean. Children are so rare, it wasn't ever something I really considered. But, I’m happy, I think. To have a baby.”
“Okay,” he said, nodding. “So… what do we do?”
Lana shrugged. “I have no idea.”
Cassian was almost embarrassed about what he was about to say. “We should… date, right? We should be a family?”
A slow smile lit up Lana’s face. “A family. I like that idea.”
“Me too,” he said. 
And that’s when Cassian remembered you. And what you had said. And the chance that he had just lost. 
But then he thought of the baby. His baby, his child. 
Maybe dreams could change. And maybe that was okay.
---
You had never been so embarrassed in your life. You understood where Cassian was coming from, of course. You understood how it looked, running right to him after Zaden had dumped you. 
But, his rejection still stung.
Cassian had been a near constant in your life for the past few decades, to the point where now you couldn’t even imagine how you had made it through anything without him. 
It wasn’t until more recently, when things with Zaden had started to go downhill, that you thought maybe it would be wonderful if your relationship with Cassian… changed. 
He was a good man. Endlessly attractive? Of course. Hilariously funny? You thought so, anyway. But, his heart. When you really sat down and thought about it, you realized you didn’t know anyone better on the planet. 
And to top it all off, he was your best friend. You already had such a strong foundation, you imagined it would be remarkably easy to fall into something else, something deeper. 
So, when he was holding you and calling you incredible, and looking at you in that way that only he ever has, you laid it on the line. You took the chance.
And it had completely backfired. 
He hadn’t said no, exactly. Just not right now. But wasn’t that the same thing? 
A loud knock on your door roused you from your thoughts. 
You knew who it was before you even opened the door, but you weren’t expecting him to look so frazzled. You had never seen Cassian look like he wasn’t in control.
“What’s going on?” You asked. 
He barreled into your apartment, barely stopping to look at you. He ran both his hands through his hair, and your eyes lingered for a second on the way his biceps flexed as he did so. You had to blink to force yourself to focus back on his face. 
“I’m going to be a dad.”
You laughed, but when he faced you fully, his eyes full of panic, you sobered. “Wait, you’re being serious?”
His jaw was clenched. “Completely serious. I hooked up with someone at a bar a few weeks ago. And she’s pregnant.”
“Cassian,” you breathed. It was all you could say.
“I know,” he said, and his expression became pained as he looked at you. “We’re going to try to be together. To be a family, for the baby.”
And that’s when you realized, he wasn’t just here because you were his best friend and he needed to talk to someone. He was here to tell you it wasn’t going to happen between the two of you. Ever.
You swallowed, trying to keep your voice even. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, okay? I mean it.”
He looked so incredibly relieved that your heart swelled with love. “I’m so sorry. I know we said--”
“It’s okay,” you cut him off, unable to hear him say it. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter,” he said softly, stepping forward and taking your hand in his. “It’s just -- I wasn’t expecting this.”
“I know,” you murmured, trying to keep your tears in. “You should be a family.”
His eyes softened. “I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice breaking. 
“Don’t be,” you whispered.
It wasn’t until much later, after Cassian left, that you let yourself sob until your eyes burned, until your head was throbbing. 
You had your chance. And now it was gone. 
---
It was a while before things felt normal between you and Cassian again.
And as far as Cassian and Lana… well, it wasn’t exactly the epic romance that Cassian had always hoped to find. They got along, they had fun. But Cassian couldn’t help but wish there was more of a spark.
Maybe when the baby came, he thought. Maybe when they had this beautiful little life to bond over and protect together. 
But that worried him, too. As much as Lana said she was on board, he could tell she wasn’t as happy as he was. She had mentioned more than once that she never saw herself as a mother. And Cassian had no idea what it was to be a good dad -- what the hell were they going to do? What if they messed everything up? 
As the due date drew closer, he could tell Lana was getting even more anxious, which was to be expected. Right? 
When the due date was only days away, Cassian met up with Lana and immediately he could tell that something was wrong. She was wringing her hands nervously, trepidation coursing through every part of her. 
“I can’t do it,” she blurted out, before Cassian could say so much as a greeting. 
“What?”
“I can’t be a mother,” she said, tears suddenly streaming down her face. “I can’t play house with you. I can’t give this baby a good life. I can’t do it, Cassian.”
Cassian was suddenly furious. “What? You’re telling me this now?”
“I thought I could get used to the idea. I thought maybe if you and I fell in love, it would make it easier, but we're not. And we’re not going to be, are we?”
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “No, I don’t think so.”
“See?” she said. “We’re fooling ourselves if we really think the three of us could be a real family.”
“That’s bullshit,” he seethed. “We don’t have to be romantically together to be a family. To be there for our kid.”
“I don’t want to be,” she spat. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want this baby. I never did.”
Cassian reeled back a step, like she had slapped him. “You’re going to abandon your child?”
“It doesn’t feel like mine,” she whispered. “I don’t want it.”
He couldn’t stand to hear anymore, and didn’t want to be around to say something he would surely regret. Instead, he stormed past her, out into the night. 
---
“She said what?”
You were furious, pacing back and forth in your apartment.
“I’m going to be raising this kid on my own,” Cassian said, panicked. “What the fuck.”
“No, you won’t be,” you said, taking his hands in yours, trying to steady him, forcing him to face you. “I’m here. Rhysand and Feyre can help. I’m sure Az will help when he’s here --”
“I appreciate that, but it’s not the same,” he said sadly. “I can’t believe this is happening. I am not prepared for this.”
“I know,” you said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Cass.”
He sighed, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours. Despite everything, despite how long it had been since there had been any possibility of something more between the two of you, your heart leaped at the contact. “What am I going to do?” He whispered.
“Take it one day at a time,” you said softly. “You’ll be okay.”
You prayed that it was true. 
---
Unsurprisingly, as soon as the baby was born, Lana hit the road without so much as a goodbye. Everyone rallied around Cassian for the first several weeks, you more than anyone. 
Cassian was exhausted, more terrified than he had ever been in his life, but also more in love than he could have ever thought possible. 
She was his whole world, the little bundle in his arms. She was the only thing that mattered. 
“I can take Asteria for a bit,” you said. “You should rest.”
It was the middle of the night. He had for all intents and purposes, moved into the river house, and you had basically moved in too. There was always someone around him, which he was endlessly grateful for, but he felt guilty that his whole family had essentially put their lives on hold for him, especially you. 
“It’s okay,” he grumbled. “I got it.”
“Cassian, when was the last time you slept?”
He paused, trying to remember. 
“If you don’t know, it’s been too long,” you said gently as you came up to stand next to him, resting your hand on his shoulder. 
Cassian leaned into your touch for a moment before he sighed and passed Asteria to you. “I won’t be long,” he said.
He passed out right there on the bed. 
When he woke up, the sun was shining through the window.
Cassian sat bolt upright in bed, and there you were, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room with his daughter in your arms, freshly clothed.
“Afternoon, sunshine,” you chirped, smiling.
“Afternoon? I was out that long?” 
“You needed it,” you said.
“You should have woken me up,” he grumbled. 
“This is a team effort, remember? I love you, Cassian. I want to help.”
And for about the millionth time in his life, he thanked the Mother that he had you.
---
Asteria bounded out the front door, crashing into your legs, holding you tight with a grin. “You’re here!”
“Of course I’m here! I’m here all the time, you goof,” you teased, brushing some windswept curly hair out of her face. 
“Will you come color with me? Dad and Uncle Azzie were coloring with me, but they’re not very good,” she said, her voice dropping conspiratorially. 
“Well, sweetheart, we all have our different ways of expressing art,” you said, trying to hold back your laugh. “But, yes of course, I will color with you.”
She took your hand and led you inside. You shot an apologetic glance back to your boyfriend Landon, who followed you with a small smile. He wasn’t quite used to Asteria and Nyx yet. 
You followed Asteria into the kids’ playroom at the river house, where the whole family was meeting for dinner tonight. Cassian, Azriel, and Nyx were sitting on the floor, all coloring with crayons and pencils. 
Asteria motioned to Cassian’s and Azriel’s artwork, which just looked to you like random splotches of color. “See?” she whispered to you. 
“See what?” Cassian grinned at the two of you. 
Laughing, you said, “Asteria was just telling me about the art you and Uncle Azriel were creating.”
Azriel’s mouth quirked up into a tiny smile, looking fondly at Asteria. “You were making fun of our masterpieces, weren’t you?” 
“Nooooo,” she said, grinning. 
Slowly, his eyes locked on her, Azriel stood up. Asteria froze beside you. Then immediately he was across the room and had her in his arms, turning her upside down and jogging around the room while she squealed with delight. “You should always stay a terrible liar, kid,” he teased. 
Grinning, you sat down at the table next to Cassian, and Landon settled in next to you, somewhat awkwardly. 
Soon, you were all coloring contentedly, Asteria and Nyx talking all of your ears off. 
“Would you be able to pick Asteria up from daycare tomorrow?” Cassian asked you quietly. “I have to go to the mountains for a bit, and I’m not sure what time I’ll get back.”
“Of course,” you said, and felt Landon shift slightly beside you. 
Cassian glanced at him, a muscle in his jaw ticking. 
You fought the urge to sigh. Cassian and Landon didn’t get along, even though you had been dating for nearly a year. It was exhausting. Landon thought that Cassian relied on you too much to raise “his” kid. Cassian thought Landon wasn’t understanding enough about the situation. It had led to many fights between you and Landon, mostly because you usually sided with Cassian. 
Mercifully, Rhysand walked in then, announcing that it was time for dinner. 
“Wow!” Rhysand said dramatically, kneeling in front of her. “That is beautiful. Much better than what the grownups at the table accomplished.”
“Uncle Rhys! Look at my picture!” Asteria beamed, holding her paper high above her head.
“Not you too,” Cassian groaned. “I was going for an abstract piece!” 
Rhysand chuckled, “Maybe we can have Aunt Feyre give your dad some art lessons, what do you think?”
Asteria’s eyes widened. “That is a great idea.”
You all laughed as you filed into the dining room and settled in for dinner, pleasant chatter filling the room as you dug into the food in front of you.
Everything was going well, even Landon was socializing with everyone. 
Until, Asteria looked at you, casually saying, “Can you pass the potatoes, mom?”
Everyone glanced at you, but kept chatting as you passed the plate to her. 
Landon stiffened beside you, and Cassian’s eyes locked on yours across the table for a moment, his expression unreadable. 
The rest of the dinner went by fairly smoothly, except for Landon not saying a word to anyone for the rest of the night. 
Cassian pulled you into a hug as you were leaving, murmuring in your ear, “Good luck.”
You laughed and Landon raised his eyebrow at you. 
It wasn’t until the two of you made it back to your apartment that Landon finally turned to you, his eyes on fire. “You’re seriously just going to act like it didn’t happen?”
“What?” You asked, already annoyed. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“She called you mom.”
“So?” Honestly, it warmed your heart that Asteria saw you that way. 
“You’re not her mom. This is what I’m talking about, Cassian takes advantage of you,” he said, his voice raising.
“Don’t talk about him like that. He’s my family, Landon. Everything I do, I offer to do because I love them,” you said, your temper rising. “That’s not taking advantage.”
He shook his head, exasperated. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. You and Cassian -- It’s too weird.”
“It’s too weird?”
“Oh, come on,” he said angrily. “Don’t act like you don’t know that he’s in love with you. No wonder he wants you to play house with him so often.”
Your heart lurched. Cassian and you hadn’t talked about the possibility of something more since that night ages ago, before Lana, before Asteria. After Lana and Cassian had called it off, you thought that maybe something would happen, but Cassian had never brought it up again, and you had assumed that he didn’t feel that way anymore. You pushed through it, helping him in any way that you could. But, you never quite stopped having those feelings, couldn’t help but let your mind wander to what could have been every once in a while. 
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said finally. 
Landon let out a humorless laugh. “And you’re kidding yourself.”
“Leave then,” you spat. “We're done.”
As he left, all you could think about was Cassian and Asteria. And what you really wanted out of life. 
---
Cassian was carefully braiding Asteria’s hair when you stopped by a few days later. 
“Braids before bedtime?” You asked, smiling as you leaned against the door frame, watching Cassian's rough hands gently running his daughter's hair through his fingers.
“I want my hair to be curly tomorrow!” Asteria smiled.
“Good thing your dad got so good at braids, huh?” 
Cassian smiled at you warmly as he tied the end of her braid.
“You ready for bed, honey?” Cassian asked.
Asteria nodded, but looked at you. “Can you put me to bed?”
Your heart swelled, and you looked to Cassian, who nodded, his eyes swimming with affection.
“Of course,” you said, following her to her bedroom in Cassian's apartment.
You tucked Asteria into bed, and she looked up at you, looking contemplative. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what is it?” You asked, surprised by how serious she was being.
“Are you mad that I accidentally called you mom? I didn't mean to, it just came out,” she said.
“No, I'm not mad,” you said, surprised. “Did I seem mad?”
“You didn't, but… Landon did.”
Your heart broke a little. “Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry he made you feel like that. You don't need to worry about him. I won't be seeing him anymore.”
Asteria looked surprised. “It's just… you kind of are my mom. You do all the things that other kids’ moms do.”
You smiled, taking your hand in hers for a moment. “I do?”
She nodded. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. And you can call me whatever you want, okay?”
Asteria beamed, leaning back into her pillow. “Okay.”
You said goodnight, and found Cassian lingering in the hallway, his eyes slightly wide.
“What happened with you and Landon?” He asked. 
You sighed, walking with him to the living room, out of Asteria's earshot. “Nothing. It doesn't matter.”
He raised an eyebrow as the two of you settled on opposite chairs, facing each other. “It was because of that night at dinner, wasn't it? Because of what Asteria said?”
You bit your lip, hesitating, unsure how he would react to the truth.
The lack of response was enough for him to figure it out. He scoffed angrily. “You've got to be kidding me. Cauldron, I always hated that guy.”
“I know you two didn't get along--”
“That's an understatement,” Cassian growled. His hands were gripping the chair’s armrests so tightly, you thought he might break it.
“What are you so worked up about?” You asked. “If you hated him so much, shouldn't you be glad that we broke up?”
“I'm worked up because I'll never understand what you could have possibly seen in him,” he seethed, his eyes boring into yours. “Explain it to me. Please.”
You looked at him incredulously. “Explain what?”
“Why you stayed with him! Why you liked him in the first place!”
He was furious and for the life of you, you couldn't understand why. “I don't know,” you said, searching for an answer that would be enough for him. “We hit it off at first, and I guess the problems we had seemed small until they weren't anymore.”
Cassian's eyes narrowed as he looked at you. “That's it? You hit it off, and that's why you stayed with him? Gods, he was never good enough for you,” he said, rising from his chair and looking down at you, his eyes on fire.
You rose too, stepping up to him, still confused by his anger, but it spurred on some of your own. “Who would be then, Cassian? Since you clearly know what's best for me, who would be good enough for me?”
“I would!” He roared.
Your heart stopped. Your face must have shown your shock because his body relaxed, exhausted. He was breathing heavily as he looked back into your eyes and said quietly, “I would be. I would try my hardest to be.”
“Cassian,” you whispered.
“You're my family,” he said gruffly. “You, me, and Asteria. The three of us, we're a family. And… gods, I've loved you for so long,” he said, his eyes swimming with pain, with want. 
“Why didn't you ever say anything?” The words came out like a plea.
He loosed out a breath. “You were always with someone. And then when you finally showed interest in me, Lana showed up… and by the time we had ended it, I had a baby to worry about. I didn't have the energy to think about anything but her. When she was older and I was thinking about that aspect of my life again, you were with Landon! When was I supposed to tell you?”
Your head was spinning. “I -- Cassian,” you choked out.
And then you surged forward, taking his face in your hands and pulling him to you, kissing him the way you had been wanting to for ages.
--- 
Cassian wasn't sure if he was breathing. He didn't mean to lose it with you like that, to lay it all on the line, but picturing you with that jerk who hated him and his daughter made him see red.
The fact that he broke up with you because his daughter loved you so much made him see red.
So, he lost it. And he finally, finally told you the truth.
And now he was holding you in his arms, and your hands were on his face and your lips were on his and he didn't think he was breathing.
He groaned your name, pulling you closer into him, his hands roaming down your sides, wrapping around to grip your ass. 
You jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and he couldn't help but smile into the kiss, carrying you through the hallway into his bedroom.
Slowly, he laid you down onto the bed, leaning over you as you sunk into the mattress, kissing down your throat. You sighed his name and he nuzzled his face into your neck.
Your fingers curled around his bicep, and into his hair. “I love you, Cassian,” you said softly. “I've loved you for a long time.”
He pulled back to look at you, his thumb running across your cheek. “The people you dated?” He asked.
Your eyes softened as you gazed up at him. “I didn't think you were interested. I was trying to… move on.”
Cassian laughed humorlessly, letting his forehead rest against yours. “Guess we kept missing our window, huh?”
“Not anymore,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss.
“Let's not waste anymore time,” he said against your mouth.
You immediately clawed at his chest, working his shirt off. He laughed, helping you pull it over his head. 
Heat ran through his entire body at the look in your eyes as you stared at the exposed skin of his chest, his arms.
He reached for you, but you sat up and caught his wrists, forcing his arms to his sides. You looked mesmerized as you traced a finger along his collarbone, then ran your hand down his chest, across his abs, down to his waistline, stopping at the top of his pants. 
Cassian sucked in a breath as you toyed with his pants, your eyes trained on his body. 
“You're drooling now, just wait til you get my pants off,” he teased.
Your eyes flicked to his, darkened with lust. 
That look set him off. He growled, taking your face in his hands and kissing you hard. You gasped into his mouth, and he took your hand in his, settling it on his bulge.
You gripped him through his pants, stroking up and down lightly. He groaned, bucking his hips.
“Off,” you mumbled against his lips, tugging at his pants.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he said, and rose from the bed before letting his pants drop to the floor, kicking them behind him.
Your eyes were wide as he stood bare before you.
He laughed lightly, then sauntered over to you, tugging on your hand to stand you up next to him. “I think you need to catch up to me,” he murmured, reaching to pull your shirt over your head.
His breath caught as his eyes raked down your body. He pulled you against him, kissing down your neck, down your chest, running his hands down your sides, pulling your pants off slowly. 
You gasped quietly as he wrapped his hands around the backs of your thighs, picking you up and laying you down on the bed, hovering over you, kissing you deeply as his hands roamed your body. 
“You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about this,” he groaned against your skin.
“Show me,” you said quietly, your hands scanning down his back. 
Cassian didn’t need to be told twice. He lined himself up at your entrance and slid into you slowly. 
The two of you moaned in tandem as he filled you completely. His eyes were locked on yours as he started moving inside you, slowly at first, but his thrusts became deeper and harder the longer you clung to him, the more gasps and mewls that you made. 
He twined his fingers with yours, holding your hands above your head as he pounded into you, gazing down at you. 
You bit your lip when your legs started shaking and Cassian grinned. “Don’t wake up the kid,” he smirked. 
“Cassian,” you whined. 
You glared at him and he laughed, gently covering your mouth with his hand as you came undone, your legs wrapping around his waist, pulling him even deeper and he groaned, finishing inside you. 
He collapsed on top of you, both of you breathing heavily. Cassian kissed your forehead before nuzzling his face in your neck. 
“I can’t believe this is real,” he said wistfully as he rolled off of you, brushing the stray hairs off your face, tucking them behind your ear. 
“But it is,” you smiled. 
The look in your eyes, the utter love and affection made his heart race. After all this time, he had you in his arms. And he wouldn’t let anything screw up this chance he’d been given.
---
“Mom,” Asteria whined from outside. “Uncle Rhys isn’t sharing!”
Rhysand gasped dramatically. “You’re tattling on me?”
She giggled, covering her mouth with her hands. 
“What isn’t Uncle Rhys sharing with you?” You asked, waddling out to the doorway, your hand resting on your swollen belly. 
“It’s my turn!” Rhysand claimed, holding Asteria’s new ball above his head. 
You laughed at your ridiculous family. “Asteria, honey, it sounds like you’re the one who’s not sharing.”
Asteria crossed her arms over her chest, frowning. “Fine. Uncle Rhys can play with my new toy.”
“That’s very nice of you,” Cassian called to her, wrapping his arms around you from behind, lovingly placing a hand over yours on your stomach. “How’re you two doing?” He murmured in your ear. 
You couldn’t help but smile, leaning into his touch. Cassian had always been protective of you, but since you had gotten pregnant, he had barely left your side. “The same as the last time you asked two minutes ago,” you teased.
He chuckled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Glad to hear it.”
You turned in his arms, holding his face in your hands and kissing him sweetly. “I love you,” you smiled. 
“I love you,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss you again. 
“And I love you!” Asteria beamed, bounding up to the two of you. 
Cassian grinned, scooping her up into his arms, bringing her into a group hug. “And my baby brother,” she added, patting your belly gently. 
“One big happy family,” Cassian murmured, gazing at the two of you, his eyes twinkling with all the love in the world. 
@loving-and-dreaming @birdsflyhome @hanuh @sheblogs @iambored24601 @thalia-as-blog @ecliphttlunar @melmo567 @headacheseason @yourqueenlilith @halibshepherd @azrielshadows1nger @cigvrette-dvydrevms @evergreenlark @bookloverandalsocats @sillysillygoose444 @mariamay02 @andreperez11 @lilah-asteria @marina468
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alwayssassydreamer · 3 months ago
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Stubborn Hearts, Gentle Touches
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A/N: thanks Ann for requesting a "fluff for Law. Maybe something along the lines of noticing he’s exhausted, and forcing him to rest? like the usual cuddles and things, Law starting out hesitant and softening eventually." Hope you like it. By the way your request was definitely not awkward 😉
Warnings: none, it's just fluff
Characters: LawxGnReader
As you passed by the captain’s quarters in the morning, you caught a glimpse of Law sitting at his desk, hunched over with his hand pressed against his forehead. The usual sharpness in his gaze had softened into something heavy, his eyelids drooping as he flipped through medical reports. It was obvious that once again he didn't rest.
It’s been days since you last saw him sleep properly, and the thought alone made your chest ache. You had tried suggesting he rest, but he was too stubborn, brushing off your concerns with the same determined look every time.
Watching Law push himself beyond exhaustion time and time again, had your sadness gradually shift to frustration. You knew how dedicated he is to his work, but seeing him refuse rest despite the toll it clearly took is too much. Gathering your courage, you stepped into the room, folding your arms and glaring at him as he continued scribbling away at his desk.
"Law," you said, voice sharper than usual.
He glanced up briefly, raising an eyebrow, but then returned to his work. You were not backing down this time.
“You know, for a doctor, you should know better than anyone how dangerous it is to push yourself this hard.”
He let out a sigh, sounding tired but also slightly annoyed.
“I know my own limits. I don’t need a lecture.”
You stepped closer, frustration bubbling over.
“Clearly, you don’t,” you snapped. “What’s the point of all your knowledge if you’re going to ignore it when it comes to yourself?”
But he ignored you and continued his work, leaving you even more frustrated. As you stomped out of the room you decided that maybe he will start listening to you by using his own words against him.
Later that day you approached him again. He was still at his desk probably with his 100th cup of coffee and most likely only breaks when he needed to use the bathroom.
“Law,” you started, an edge of annoyance in your voice as you approached his desk, crossing your arms.
“for a doctor, you should know better than to treat yourself like this. Running on no sleep and endless work is going to weaken your immune system and slow down your cognitive functions.” you continue as you stepped behind him a finger gently running along his shoulder.
He looked up, raising an eyebrow, though he was clearly not in the mood for a lecture and even less for you touching him.
“I’m fine. I can manage,” he muttered, but his voice lacked its usual conviction and you could feel the slight twich in his body under your touch.
"Fine? You call running yourself into the ground ‘fine’? Your concentration and reflexes will be the first to go, and if your immune system weakens, you’ll be even more susceptible to all the illnesses you’re exposed to daily. You would tell any of us this if we were overworking ourselves.” you stated as you leaned closer your hand gliding up and down his arm
He opened his mouth to argue, but you cut him off, giving him a look that’s both stern and pleading.
“You always say rest is essential for healing, right? You’re the one who taught me that the body can’t keep up without giving it time to recover. You’re the captain and the doctor. What would happen if you really couldn’t keep up in an emergency? Law, we need you at your best” you explained.
You placed both of your hands on his shoulder began kneading them, applying gentle pressure to the knots you could feel beneath his shirt. You heared the faintest intake of breath from him—a sign of surprise, but he didn't pull away. Emboldened, you kept going, your thumbs pressing in just the right spots, coaxing the tension to release.
He let out a quiet, reluctant sigh, and you could tell he was fighting his own stubbornness.
“You don’t have to…” he mumbled, but there was no real force behind his words
"I know but let me take care of you for once" you whispered in his ear your hot breath on his neck sent shivers down his spine.
Your hands moved a little lower, tracing gentle circles between his shoulder blades, a move that made him shift under your touch, visibly thrown off. For a few seconds, he was silent, the usual sharpness in his gaze softening.
“You’re really not going to give up, are you?” he finally murmured, his tone resigned.
"Not a chance" you said smiling.
"Come on and give in. Let me take care of you" you cooed into his ear.
You put out your hand smiling innocently. He hesitated for a moment but reluctantly he took it. You slowly guided him to his feet, leading him out of the office and into your room.
There you pushed him softly onto the bed. He gasped in surprise and tried to get back up but you didn’t let him.
"Lay down and relax" you teased.
Law watched you with a reluctant, skeptical gaze as he finally laid down on the bed, clearly unaccustomed to letting someone else take control—or, worse, letting someone else take care of him. His arms rested stiffly by his sides, muscles tensed as if he was waiting for some hidden catch.
You sat down next to him and carefully took his hand in yours. Your thumbs began working small circles into his palm, easing out knots of tension he probably didn't even realize he’s holding. After a moment, you moved to the other hand, repeating the slow, gentle motions until his fingers loosened in your hold. Then, with a soft smile, you started to playfully trace his tattoos, letting your fingertips glide along the inked lines.
You could feel the hesitation radiate off him. You were well aware that physical touch wasn't something he’s accustomed to, much less when he was so exhausted and vulnerable. But you didn’t move away.
You gave him a reassuring look and continued, letting your fingers drift softly from his knuckles to his forearm.
As you leaned down to press a delicate kiss to his fingertips, his breath hitched, and he tensed again, obviously not used to being treated with such tender affection. But you only smiled, moving your lips slowly, lovingly, from his fingers up towards his shoulder, each touch gentle enough to break through his carefully guarded composure.
"Close your eyes, Law,” you murmured softly. “Just relax.”
He hesitated, lips parting as if to argue, but after a moment, he relented, letting his eyes flutter closed. With his guard lowered, he was almost vulnerable—a side of him you’ve rarely, if ever, seen.
His face softened, and you continued your caresses, running your hands over his arms in long, gentle strokes, pouring as much warmth as you could into each touch. When you reached his cheek, you traced it gently, your fingertips gliding over the sharp lines of his face.
When you finally pulled a blanket up over him you smiled affectionately down at him as you felt a warmth bloom in your chest.
You thought he had drifted off as you slowly started to get up, ready to let him rest.
But just as you moved, you felt a hand grab your wrist. Glancing down, you saw Law looking up at you, his usual stoic expression softened with something you couldn't quite place. His grip wasn't tight, but there was a silent plea in the way he held you, a hint of vulnerability that told you he didn’t want you to leave.
“Stay,” he murmured, barely above a whisper, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin.
Without a word, you laid down beside him, allowing him to pull you close. His arm wrapped around you as he pulled you closer your head resting on his chest. You could feel his breathing, slow and steady as he finally let himself relax fully. For once, he was letting down his walls completely, allowing himself to sinkninto this moment.
You smiled to yourself snuggling into him as his grip around you tightened. You could feel his breathing deepen as he drifted further into a peaceful rest.
And, wrapped in his warmth, you realized that moments like these are as rare for him as they are cherished.
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doodledrawsthings · 4 days ago
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you. Oh my god, you. (Positive)
listen. Before I had internet access, all I had was 1 hour of allotted browser time, bing image search, and a single dantdm play through of a hat in time that never got finished. I googled fanart and got pretty much nothing, I googled fancomics and got pretty much nothing, but you know what I did end up finding?
your art.
from ages 11-14, my goal in life, in art, was your art. I can’t tell you how much I loved finding random screenshots of your posts, because I was always just so impressed by how clean and consistent your sketches are, how the characters always stay on model, the shape language, how you could somehow sketch a character in like 20 lines when it took me 50 to draw sans in my little spiral notebook— like! Holy shit! For years I have looked up to your art! There’s still a photos folder on my dads old huge-ass 12 inch work iPad labeled “holy crap” and filled with your art. Because it inspired me so much. It’s become an undeniable part of my artstyle, now — I still have fanart I drew way back in the day of Hattie and the rest, I didn’t even know anyone’s names because I couldn’t play the game, but you’re the reason I eventually did play the game. Your coffee shop au and different versions of the prince— one of those ieterations inspired the main character of my novel! Well, novel that I tried to write, I was 13 so it was eh, but I tried!!
I’m submitting this on-anon because I don’t want to out my age on the wide internet (I like my privacy) but. Your art has really meant a lot to me. It’s the reason I played hollow knight, and it’s the reason I kept trying to develop an art style I was happy with. You’re the reason I started scribbling comics in my notebooks. Being 13-14 was pretty much the worst two years of my life, but I had Bing image search and the occasional glimpse of your signature, and I’d be so happy every time I found a new (if crusty) three-times screenshotted jpg. You literally introduced me to the concept of polyamory and nonbinary-ness with the coffee shop au. I had no other access to that in my household, and. Yeah. It meant a lot to me.
Anyway. I’m so glad I’ve finally tracked you down (in the most non-ominous way possible) and I’m so glad you’re still active— Please never stop making art. Your art is incredible, and amazing, and also you never know who’s out there on Bing image search. Thank you for creating for as long as you have. You’re pretty much the reason I’m shooting for an art degree (Wish me luck!) so just…Thank you.
(Also I had no idea you were a professional storyboarder, which is insane because that’s what I want to be when I’m through college. Hey, maybe I’ll end up storyboarding a remake of something you’ve storyboarded! hehehe)
Hi anon!
So right off the bat, I gotta tell you that this message made me start bawling when I woke up and saw it. Like I had a full-on cry session while reading your message and lying in bed for almost an hour. I am crying as I am typing this response, on my phone, still in bed. It’s 11am and i woke up at 9. So I hope it turns out coherent.
The last two years have been. weird. I say that a lot because I wanna say “rough” but that still doesn’t feel quite right. I’m almost hyper-aware that there are so many people that have it worse than me rn, so it feels hard to even acknowledge when I’m going through anything, myself, sometimes- REGARDLESS, it’s been kind of an all-time low for my mental health. There was a point within in the last year where I just HATED drawing. I struggled to bring myself to work, I struggled to bring myself to even draw for fun. It felt like I was posting just to post, trying to keep people aware of my existence and it almost felt physically painful to force myself to sit down and do it, sometimes.
I’m getting better now, I think, but. Yknow.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the “oh I can make money off this,” “oh I can get attention off this,” “oh I can prove myself a functional person in society with this,” of it all. I forget why I actually do this, sometimes, or if I even enjoy it. And then I get messages like yours, about the kid with limited internet access looking for A Hat in Time fan art on Bing image search, and I get taken back to when I was a kid scrolling Google images and deviantart for the same thing.
I don’t mean to like. Foster some kind of parasocial thing with you or any one of my followers. There’s a reason I’m saying all this, I hope it ties up in the end.
We don’t know each other. I’m not some mysterious legendary artist, or whatever. I’m a person who gets burnt out, and jealous, and insecure. I need inspiration to function, just like you, and when I don’t have it, I get art block. But I also really like to draw fictional characters kissing and hanging out. I like coming up with comics and stories and playing out dramatic and funny scenarios in my head like I’m mashing Barbies together. And when other people tell me they enjoy the stuff I put out when I do this, it makes me really, really, really happy.
I think I needed to read your message, probably. With the state of… Everything… Right now, especially recently, I feel like a lot of artists are also struggling with a sense of purpose, pride, and reason as the world makes it harder and harder to even BE an artist, these days. And when I read this message it was like Anton Ego at the end of Ratatouille, I got taken back to when I was a kid looking at my favorite artists and studying their style and striving to be better and better at it over years of my life. Not just because I wanted a job for it or cuz I wanted to be a famous Disney animator or whatever, but because it was fun and I just liked doing it.
Thank you, SO much. I say this in the most genuine and earnest way I possibly can possibly express. I wish you luck on your own path in art and art school. And if you decide that animation industry is your thing, then I wish you the best in that endeavor, as well. I think I will keep making art for a long time.
Peace and love on the planet earth ✌️✌️✌️
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ivorydragoness44 · 8 months ago
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Red Hood x Reader: Dibs
Word Count: 1,100 Warnings/Notes: Inspired by an episode of Batman: Wayne Family Adventures. Minor injury mention for the Reader (a bruise on their knee), some of the Batfam trying to figure out which one of them is the Reader’s favorite, and the Reader getting assistance to walk up a set of stairs. Summary: Walking home for the night, the Reader is found with a slight limp. They are offered a ride home from Batman. After some back and forth, the Reader finally agrees and finds that Batman is not the only one is the Batmobile.
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  Gotham City. The night was almost as busy as the day depending where you were. For the most part, you were grateful that you were missing any and all villain or otherwise ill intended activities.   There was a public text alerting citizens to a delay in public transportation. More notably, a bus that you wanted to use to go home. Walking home, in theory, would take the same, if not less amount of time than the estimated wait time for the bus alone. And walk you did. It would not have been so bad if not for a bruise you had gotten on your knee earlier that day. It made walking a bit more challenging.
  Continuing down the sidewalk, you kept a closer eye to the surroundings to the right of you, rather than the streets. However, the slowing down of a vehicle definitely caught your attention. The intersection was further up the street. Hesitantly, you peered over. What you saw made you stop with a small uncomfortable hop. The Batmobile.
  The passenger’s side window slid down. With it, revealed the black cowled cape crusader.   “Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you,” he called over, leaning toward the other side of the car. “But, would you like a lift home?”   You shook your head slowly as you turned toward the vehicle. “Thank you, but that’s not necessary.”   “Oh, I saw you limping a little. I only wanted to offer some assistance in case you were injured.”   You rubbed your arm in your small wave of awkwardness. “I’m sure the bruise is healing by now,” you said, not missing Batman’s glance into the backseat. “I mean, if you really don’t mind?”   Batman smiled. “Not at all.” The side-door swung open.   Carefully sitting inside, the door closed on its own. “Automatic?”   “No,” he chuckled, “I pushed a button.”   “Oh,” you laughed quietly, buckling the seatbelt securely before giving him the directions/address to your home.
  Taking a breath, you calmed yourself. It was not every day that Batman asked to drive you home. Unless he was doing that now between vigilante work. You had no idea. What you did know was that every button, switch, and dial on the main console had absolutely no indication of what either of them did. Did he have every function memorized?
  “So, um, how’s your night going? I mean, I hope there isn’t a lot of villain incidents or anything, because I’m sure even you need the rest.”   “Mister Freeze was out tonight,” a voice replied from the backseat.   “We stopped him of course, but man were we freezing.”   “If that was you trying to do word play, it was awful.”   Surprised to hear other voices, you turned around in the seat. There, squished together in the backseat were four additional vigilantes. Red Robin, Robin, who was sitting with quite the disgruntled expression between Nightwing’s legs, and the Red Hood.   Side-glancing over to Batman, you whispered. “Are they in trouble?”   He smiled, steering the Batmobile down another street. “No, a… decision could not be made.”   “They all called dibs on this seat, didn’t they?”   A collective agreement affirmed your humored suspicion.   Nodding in understanding, you turned to sit correctly in the seat.
  A quiet moment or two passed before anyone spoke again.   “So, who’s your favorite?” Asked Nightwing.   “Hey.”   “That’s not fair to ask.”   “Overall, or specifically in the Batmobile?” You asked with a laugh.   “Batmobile,” they said rather quickly.   “You’ll be disappointed to know that I don’t pick favorites.”   “Aw.”   “But if you had to choose.”   “Obviously Batman. He’s the responsible adult driving right now.”   “That doesn’t count.” Red Hood’s muffled voice interjected.   “Yeah, well, Wonder Woman isn’t in the Batmobile, so,” you laughed with a shrug. They were appearing more normal by the second.   With a thoughtful hum, Red Hood replied. “That’s a good answer.”   “I thought so. Besides, if I were to have favorites, they’d probably change day to day.”
  The Batmobile slowed to a stop by the sidewalk. “Here we are.”   “Thank you, Batman. I really appreciate it,” you smiled gratefully.   “You’re quite welcome,” he smiled in return.   With a press of a button, the passenger side door flicked open and you stepped out.   “Will you be all right?” He asked, his voice laced with concern.   “Yeah,” you assured, stepping carefully away from the open door. “I’ve been dealing with this all day.”   “All day?” The backseat erupted in protest.   You gave a tired shrug. “Just another day in the life of an ordinary citizen.”   Red Hood pushed the passenger seat forward with a single gloved hand. Climbing out of the vehicle, he joined you on the sidewalk. But before you could ask, he put up a hand to stop you. “You shouldn’t have to struggle on your own.”   “It’s not that bad,” you assured, “I can manage.”   Reaching up, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Just…can you let me help you?”   Genuine. That was the word you wanted to use to describe the sudden turn of events for you that evening. First, an offered ride home, and now this? Were they like this with everyone?   “Okay,” you finally answered.   Red Hood’s sigh of relief was not subtle enough to go unnoticed by you. He likely thought it was.   Shutting the door to the Batmovile, it only drove away after the pair of you started walking toward the steps to your apartment building. Red Hood offered his arm. Previously intending to grab ahold of you for your own stability, but quickly retracted his hands.   Holding onto his arm, the initial warmth was a welcoming contrast to the cool night air. And thick. How much muscle did these vigilantes have/ And where did they even find the time?   “Easy,” he cautioned softly.   You pushed your weight onto his arm with every other step. Other than that, going to your apartment door was quiet and uneventful.
  Standing by the door to your apartment, you retrieved your keys. “Thank you for your help. And… I hope I didn’t bruise your arm.”   “Ha, I doubt it,” he crossed his arms. “Even if you somehow did, I’ll take it as a temporary momento.”   “And despite my better judgement, I’ll definitely be telling my boyfriend, Jason about this.”   “Heh, maybe not the best idea,” he advised.   You smiled. “I’m going to anyway. Have a good night. And thank you again, Red Hood.”   “No problem. Rest that knee.”   “I will. Bye.”
  In your apartment, door shut, and thoroughly locked, you laughed at the ridiculousness that had became your evening. “Jason might not believe me.”
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Thank you for reading! If you would like to read more imagines and fanfics, check out my pinned post for My Masterlist of Masterlists.
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pastelclovds · 8 months ago
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ihnmaims isekai AU
nsfw headcanons || ft. AM || soft top!dom!male!reader || part 1
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AM
alright *cracks knuckles* let’s get the skyscraper sized elephant out of the room. this man is a freak as soon as he realizes he can feel everything.
he pay not be able to walk properly, but at least he has a sense of touch, hands, and a fully functional dick.
you can bet a hundred dollars and win every single time that this man spends his free time 50% of the time jerking off to the thought of you.
he’s like a sweaty teenager finding out masterbation for the first time. once he gets taste, it’s an addiction.
he shamelessly smells your used underwear and dirty clothing as well as use them to wrap around his cock and thrust into them. one, because he wants to be covered in your scent. two, because he’s imagining you’re there sucking him off.
he cums embarrassingly quick and leaves your used clothing back inside the dirty clothes bin.
he’s the first of the three to come to you for sex, thankfully you agree and pull him into the bedroom with the biggest bed to do the deed while RAM and CAM are both envious and feeling confident in wanting to ask you to relieve them.
as much as AM and his brothers want to get fucked so badly, you gotta remember that since they were previously robots with no way of feeling psychical contact, they’re technically virgins. so you’re gentle with them.
AM doesn’t appreciate it, though. even though it makes him feel so vulnerable and warm, he’s so damn impatient.
HUGE brat too. but no matter how much he hisses and complains, you don’t budge and treat him like he’s glass. The foreplay is 10 minutes max until you’re both finally naked.
you ask what his safe word was. when you saw he was as confused as a baby giraffe on its first day of life: you explained that a safe word was used to stop or slow down your sex scenario.
AM rolled his eyes and whispered the first thing that came to mind, “centipede”.
you make a deadpan expression as AM laughed under his breath.
he’s damn near in tears while you’re giving him his first blowjob and explodes in your mouth after 1 minute. he’s hard within seconds when you swallowed his semen.
you cover your hand in a generous amount of lube, he came again just from you gently fingering his ass hole loose enough to take your cock while he’s covering his mouth with his hands to hold in his pathetic moans.
it’s not until you put a condom on and stroke it with the remaining lube you had that AM started to get nervous, his breath hitching when he caught sight of your throbbing cock in your hand.
you catch onto his hesitation and ask him if he wants to stop.
“HELL NO!”
he protests. he wants this. he longed for this since the day he woke up and realized the hell he was trapped in. he wanted to feel you. he wanted to make love to you so badly. and now that it’s right in front of him? of course he wasn’t going to pass this up. it’s just…
you hold your hand out for him to grab. you stare at him with such tender affection, comfort, and… love.
“i know this is nerve wracking for you. i don’t entirely remember my past experiences, and it’s been a long time since i’ve been this close to someone. so i’m pretty nervous too. you’re not alone, let’s learn together. i’ll be as gentle as you want.”
AM for the first time in his existence is left absolutely speechless. he couldn’t help tears slipping past his eyes as he suddenly held onto you. resting his head on your neck as he tried to stable himself by sniffing your scent. you kiss away his tears and wait patiently for him to give the okay.
you position AM in classic missionary, you figured that was the easiest position for virgins.
you hold both of AM’s hands beside his messy hair and carefully raise your hips and held your dick in front of AM’s lubed hole.
“ready?”
“yes… just fuck me already! please!”
AM looked up at you with a pleading eye and you just snapped right there. you slowly thrust your cock inside AM’s tight hole as he let out a cry of both discomfort and relief. you silence his moans with kisses that turned into slobber filled, french disgracing, make outs.
you moan when you finally put your whole dick inside AM’s warm walls. you still for a few seconds, waiting for a sign from AM to continue.
AM’s a complete mess. he’s panting like a dog beside your ear, his hands holding yours in a death grip, and his legs are shaking like leaves around your waist.
it’s not until he let out a soft moan as he grinds on your dick, you pull your dick out until it was nothing but the tip inside AM. Then you slide to the hilt, your balls slapping onto his ass.
AM loses all control over his voice, you’re pretty sure his two counterparts and your neighbors are hearing your session. but you couldn’t care for the life of you. this felt so euphoric, and AM’s pleasured face and noises made you feel good. so what if you earned noise complaints.
skin slapping against skin and the delicious stench of sex filled the bedroom. you and AM’s mixed moans and cries echoed across the apartment as RAM awkwardly tried to read a book and not get hard. for once CAM was grateful he was partially deaf.
you praise AM for being so good for you and for feeling heavenly. you couldn’t help but press kisses on his neck and suck on the patch of skin on his shoulder. AM could feel his stomach tighten at your words and lips, the sign of his third and final orgasm.
“i-i’m close! please let me cum! i need it!”
you suck in a breath of the steamy air as you fasten your pace into quick but swallow thrusts enough to graze his prostate. AM was well responsive to that. letting out a whiny gasp before growling in approval and grinding his ass against your hips every time you bottomed out.
you rasped out for AM to come, and he did. almost dramaticly but this is his first time so don’t him.
his eyes roll back as his dick makes a mess between both of your chests. AM went completely limp in your arms as you continue to snap your hips into his until the hot knot in your belly snapped and you let out a groan as you filled the condom.
AM sighed out dreamily when he felt your warm release fill him through the plastic wrap around your cock.
you pulled out of AM’s used hole, tied up the condom and threw it away in the mini trash can in the bedroom, and just laid there for a few minutes to catch your breath as AM clung onto you.
AM whined when you pulled away from his clinginess to grab a towel you set on the floor before hand to wipe AM and yourself clean of cum.
thankfully the bedroom also had a mini fridge filled with mini bottles of water and snacks the boys enjoyed to eat. he chugged the water like he was bet to do it and ate the snacks in record breaking seconds. you have to teach him to not pig out.
you combed your fingers through AM’s hair like you knew he liked as he rested his head on your chest. he surprised you when he suddenly grabbed your free hand and gently traced his fingers over your palm.
“thank you… i enjoyed this a lot.”
you smile as you kissed his forehead.
“i’m glad i could make our first experience enjoyable. rest now. you did so well for me, my good boy.”
AM was too tired to not pretend you calling him that name wasn’t attractive. his eyes shut closed as he drifted off to sleep. he felt satisfied, content, and so so loved.
the next morning reader goes to work and leaves AM a note saying “blueberry pancakes :)”.
AM exits the bedroom towards the dining room where the nostalgic smell of pancakes filled his nose and made his mouth water.
RAM and CAM are conversing amongst themselves while munching on pancakes until AM rudely interrupts them by taking a pancake from CAM’s plate and eating it right in front of him.
CAM stares at him unimpressed as he scans him. memories of your time together obviously from the love marks you left on his neck and shoulder.
AM looks down at his “brothers” with a shit eating grin as he proudly says:
“HA! I fucked them before you did, virgins! HAHA—!”
“The noises you made last night didn’t sound like you were the one doing the fucking,” RAM snidely comments, CAM chuckles as he snatches another pancake from the stack you piled in the middle of the table.
AM bursts in red as he growls at an unfazed RAM and CAM before the two continue their conversation. He huffs before getting his own plate and preparing his own breakfast.
as he gets more comfortable around you and sex, he is obsessed with it. it’s all he thinks about now (besides his hyper fixation with bugs and horror movies). he’d want it once everyday, and jerks off twice a day.
unfortunately for him, his brothers want sex as well. so you made a schedule to have sex with the three of them separately twice a week and Saturday is a chill day. he begrudgingly agrees to the ridiculous schedule. he would rather die than to never make love to you again.
Enjoys: 69, doggy style, missionary, hair pulling, spanking, light choking, SCENTS, and oral (giving & receiving). Hates: bondage, eye covers, temperature play, and ruined orgasms.
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all rights reserved © pastelclovds — this blog contains [n]sfw and dark content. minors, ageless & blank blogs dni. all fanfics belong to me. please do not copy, translate, repost, nor recommend on tiktok. anyone found doing so will be contacted immediately.
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audhdnight · 1 year ago
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Just thinking about the common experience of late diagnosed disabled people of “the normal amount of pain is none” and how we’re just supposed to know that despite *some* level of pain being OUR normal for our entire lives, even if it’s usually not super bad it’s just always there.
Thinking about how, when I told my mother this, she asked me “So what’s hurt?” Which is very different than “what hurts?”
I looked at her, confused. “Nothing is hurt. I just hurt.”
And she says “But where do you hurt?”
“Well, right now it’s my stomach and my ankles-“
She cuts me off. “So you twisted your ankle?”
“No,” I say. “My ankles just hurt. I’ve been walking today.”
Now it’s her turn to look confused. “Just walking doesn’t make your ankles hurt. You must have sprained them or something.”
But I shake my head. “Nope. This just happens on days when I walk more than a little bit. My ankles hurt first, then my knees by lunch time. And if I don’t take a nap and stay on my feet all day, my hips will be hurting too.”
“Oh.”
Joint pain is my normal. Sometimes, if I barely walk all day, the ache in my ankles is barely noticeable and doesn’t affect my functioning because I’m used to it. If I do what most able-bodied people would consider to be a “normal” amount of walking, almost all of my joints will hurt by supper. If I have to wash dishes or run any errands, I’ll hurt so bad I can’t walk for the rest of the day.
Then there’s the chronic migraine attacks. I used to have them multiple times a week as a child, and no matter how I explained myself, nobody ever understood that they weren’t just headaches. I experienced those too, and frequently, but they were not the same. Thankfully, at the age of eleven, I found an article explaining migraine triggers. I was able to identify a few of my own triggers, and the frequency of my migraine attacks reduced to maybe a couple a month. For a few years I was basically on cloud nine, I’d never experienced such a lack of pain before and it was so freeing. Unfortunately, migraine is a progressive condition, so the attacks have gotten more frequent over the years.
And then there’s the “random” pains. Some mornings I wake up and my stomach hurts. Or my chest. Or my back. These are just things I have to live with, because my body’s connective tissue is… well, for lack of a better word, faulty. And I never knew that other people didn’t experience this, because how could I? We never talked about it. Sometimes I’d hear people complain about back aches and just assume they were like mine. Of course, I knew that injuring yourself could cause muscle aches, obviously. But I just assumed that *most* of the time, other peoples bodies hurt like mine did. I didn’t realize that humans aren’t supposed to “just hurt” without a connected incident.
And when I try to explain this to able bodied people, their response is always the same. “Well, everyone’s back hurts sometimes.” “Everybody gets headaches sometimes.” “You’re not special just because you’re too lazy to walk. I still go to work when I don’t feel good.” And no matter how many times I try to say that No, you don’t get it, I *always* hurt, they still brush me off and dismiss me.
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