#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
lightblueminecraftorchid · 4 months ago
Text
it’s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent
#blue chatter#EMDR therapy is genuinely helpful#but I’m starting to hate how much it impacts my ability to function afterwards#I don’t wanna feel like my consciousness is detaching from reality like a moist sticky note after every session#I don’t want to have gaps in my memory for hours afterward#it’s not fair that other people inflicted all these traumatic experiences onto me#and now I have to process them and suffer the consequences#I told my therapist today that I’m angry at myself for not being able to spin enough plates#that if I had just been more attentive and had more energy and worked on my homework like I should have#I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much from the deep distrust and constant surveillance academically#and if I hadn’t been so easy to manipulate and groom#my parents wouldn’t have had a good reason to violate my privacy and read all my text messages and browser history#I’m angry that I never earned my right to privacy#and I’m angry at my brain now (even though I know it’s unfair)#why can’t I just process this like a normal person#why do I have to have all these new scary symptoms I’m not used to#why can’t I just get therapy and face my traumas and anxieties and get over it quickly#and I know that’s unfair. and I’d never say that to somebody else.#I just want this all to be over with. I want a life where I don’t just stop functioning once a week.#I hate having to write off the rest of the day after a session because nothing gets done#and my brain turns into goo and I feel floaty and spacey and strangely unable to move or think#it’s not usually like I can’t respond at all. or pay attention. it just takes so much effort. and my body and brain feel strangely heavy#and clumsy. like I’m walking in a mech suit or something.#I want my brain back.#but I know that getting it back means doing this work now#which sucks and I don’t like it. esp since I don’t know for sure that this will ever go away.#it’s scary to lose memories of important events and lose chunks of time and feel like I can’t trust my own version of events#how can I know if I’m being gaslit if I cant trust my memory already? it terrifies me that I’m so vulnerable#anyway. rant over. sorry y’all.
6 notes · View notes
toothmarqed · 1 year ago
Text
fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull
#actually considering deleting the clock app rn#what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE#i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing#and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god#PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE#ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is#Not okay#they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best#-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames#**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that#ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever#maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my#-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life#i feel sick#i’m evil#and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am#too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth#but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am#feel like fucking bojack horseman#unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak-#-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person.#i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here#i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full#suffering i deserve
4 notes · View notes
Text
If costume design isn’t at least nominated for an Oscar I’m suing.
oh my… emperor geta 😫
Tumblr media
126 notes · View notes
nope-body · 2 years ago
Text
.
#i feel like I’m falling apart#like physically falling apart#and because of that and because I need to rest I’m also falling behind and that’s making me feel like I’m mentally falling apart#but also just. I did one thing today#it was five hours long but most of it was sitting down and watching people perform#I didn’t have to do much#and I did one thing and I am in as much pain as I am normally in at the end of a medium bad pain day#I didn’t go to any of my classes. I didn’t go to any meetings. I slept until 4 pm.#I am in way too much pain but other than the amount of pain it’s not abnormal pain#like pain can feel different ways and this feels the way ‘I’m tired used up a little too much energy it’s the end of the day’ pain feels#so like it’s not unusual except for the amount of pain#but it’s just scary because that means that it’s not something new that could be fixed. it’s just my body getting worse#and just. I don’t know how much more of this I can do#doctors don’t think my situation is that bad because I don’t have a history of going to doctors for this#and things don’t start out bad. they gradually get worse. so if I’m actually as bad as I am then I should have been seeing doctors long ago#I tried. I fucking tried. I tried for five fucking years but I was too young or just not eating and drinking enough.#I was ignored as my condition got worse for five years!!#and now doctors think that I’m about as bad off as I was like four years ago instead of today#because if I had been in that much pain surely I would have seen a doctor?#and it just. pisses me off. doctors never believe me when I tell them how bad it actually is because I can still function#and people who are in as much pain as I say I’m in shouldn’t be able to function much less have a busy schedule in their day to day life#but now everything is catching up to me and I’m not able to function and it’s scaring me because I have had my body say no we’re resting#before and force me to take a break but never this sudden and never two days after a literal break where I had a break from everything for a#whole week. and stuff starts up again and I just collapse basically#I don’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t know who I could even go to for help#doctors are useless. the ODA is shitty and useless. I don’t know if this is even something my professors would even understand or be able to#help me with and I don’t know how I would even ask#I want to complete college but I’m physically struggling to finish freshman year#I’m scared for the future
0 notes
gaywineauntsstuff · 7 days ago
Text
Broke: everyone fights over whose Batman’s favorite
Woke: everyone fights over whose Dicks favorite bc Dick isn’t an emotionally stunted loser (I shit talk Bruce so much but I love him, he’s just also a loser) and trying to get in the bats favor is like trying to catch sand in a sieve
————
Damian: obviously I’m Graysons favorite I was his Robin
Tim: dude I was the first Robin he trained and we still talk every day I am 100% the favorite
Steph: fuck you! You disappeared off the the face of the earth when he was Batman I was actually here I’m 100% the favorite everyone knows Wing loves me.
Jason: Dick willingly went to Gotham to spend time with me even when he was mad at Bruce. Has Dick ever been in Gotham when he was mad at Bruce for you guys? No? Didn’t think so?
Damian: ….
Steph:…
Tim: that’s because you sucked so much he thought you’d get blown up trying to have to bludhaven.
Jason: oi! Low blow, you can’t use a man’s death against him
Damian: shut up we’ve all died before
Steph: you literally said you were allowed to break Tim’s laptop bc you died b4
Jason: yeah it’s MY DEATH I can use it how I want
Tim: we really gonna call your 14yr old 4’7 self a man?
Cass: he helped me train when B rejected me I’m the favorite
Tim: you can’t be Dicks favorite you’re already Bab’s favorite those are the only 2 likable older members of the family. (They’ve decided Alfred doesn’t count since he’s legally not allowed to have favorites)
Dick: Duke is my favorite
Damian: what?
Tim: how?
Jason: this shit is rigged
Steph: What?? You barely spend time with him?
Duke who has been eating popcorn quietly this whole time:???
Dick: he doesnt steal my suit and murder people
Jason: …
Dick: or tell his friends I threatened to send him to Arkham when I told him to get therapy
Tim:…
Dick: or break into my apartment at 3am because he can’t communicate with his father
Damian:…
Dick: or make me believe he flatlined on the operating table
Steph: …
Dick: or tell me he can’t meet up for a bust because he’s too busy fighting Wonder Woman a hero we work with over text with no context and then go AWOL for 5 days
Cass:…
Dick: or overload his plate with 50 million things I will have to come in and help with
Everyone:
Steph: he started a cult tho??
Dick: was it before or after he was fostered bc if it was before it’s. Not. My. Problem.
Duke: I’m the favorite???
Dick: also I feel like if I died you’re the most likely to take over my duties and not go on a quest for vengeance or try to clone me or put me in the Lazarus pit.
Jason: ID NEVER PUT you in the Lazarus pit…. No comment on the rest tho.
Tim: ditto
Damian: meh you are superior to Todd and he’s relatively functional post the pit I don’t see the issue here.
Steph raising hand: I wouldn’t-
Dick: or help TIM do it
Steph lowering hand:
Dick: plus you have a parent so I don’t have to do 80% of the child rearing while giving Bruce credit
Duke still a little star stuck bc that’s nightwing: IM THE FAVORITE.
437 notes · View notes
mapiforpresident · 1 month ago
Note
Arsenal or Barca femini x teen reader prompt 30 pretty please
Tumblr media
"You look like Hell."
Barca x teen reader
warnings: mentions of partying, alcohol
~~~
In your defense, you had totally forgotten that Alexia had changed the date of the bonding day to today. So when she called you, her voice a mix of concern and annoyance, asking where you were, you were caught off guard. You had been out all night at a party with some of your friends from high school and forgot that you had team bonding the next day at noon. Only Alexia would schedule a team bonding event at noon.
Not wanting Alexia to keep calling you, you got ready and headed over to her house a couple blocks from yours.
As soon as you entered, Lucy spotted you first. “You look like hell,” she blurted out, her lips twisting into a playful grin. The rest of the team turned to look at you, some stifling laughter, others raising eyebrows in amusement.
“Thanks, Lucy,” you replied, rolling your eyes but unable to suppress a grin. “I really needed that boost of confidence.”
“Seriously though, what happened?” Keira asked, stepping forward and half dragging you to sit on the couch in between her and Aitana.
“Did you at least have fun?” Aitana inquired as you leaned back into the couch yawning.
“Yeah, it was a blast until Alexia called me before noon on my day off,” you said, glancing at the faces of your teammates who were all amused at the situation and the state of you.
“Next time, set an alarm,” Keira suggested with a playful nudge. “Or just don’t party before team bonding. You know how Alexia gets about these things.”
You chuckled, knowing exactly what she meant. Alexia was always on high alert when it came to team cohesion and you partying during the season, and you could already picture her stern expression if she knew how late you’d been out.
Just then, Alexia appeared from the kitchen with a tray of snacks, her eyes narrowing at the sight of you. “Y/N, I swear if you’re not here for the whole event, I’m going to have a serious talk with you.”
You threw your hands up in mock surrender. “I’m here! I promise!”
“Good. Now, sit tight and try to look like a functioning human being,” she said with a smirk before handing out snacks to the team.
As the card games begin, you continuously got teased by your teammates. You loved this team and they truly felt like family, especially in moments like these, even if you would rather be sleeping.
“Alright, Y/N, your turn!” Patri called out, grinning as you groaned.
397 notes · View notes
flickering-chandelier · 6 months ago
Text
Long Story Short 
Pairing: Single Dad Cassian x Bestie Reader
Synopsis: Cassian loved Reader for as long as he could remember, but there never seemed to be any opportunity for more. Then what was meant to be a random one night stand ends with Cassian, alone, with a baby in his arms. Throughout this new journey in his life, Reader is there for him in ways that he never could have expected.
Based on this request! 🩷
Warnings: smut, pregnancy, swearing, a lil angst, mutual pining
Word Count: 6k
Cassian’s heart ached as he watched you settle in beside your lover, his arm slinging around your shoulders, your smile bright and loving as you looked at him, in your own little world as your friends talked and laughed at the table around you. 
He hated it when you brought him along to what he considered to be family functions, meant for the people Cassian loved. And that asshole certainly did not fit into that category. 
Okay, he could concede that this guy wasn’t that bad. But, he certainly wasn’t good enough for you. Nobody ever could be, but certainly not Zaden. 
Cassian knew he wasn’t good enough for you either, but he would try his damn hardest to be everything you needed if you ever gave him the chance. He had loved you so intensely for so long, he couldn’t imagine how you hadn’t already figured it out. He felt like the whole world dimmed in your presence, with you standing out in vibrant color against everything else. 
Suddenly, Azriel nudged him subtly with his elbow, and Cassian came back to real life, to the one where you loved him as a friend and nothing more, where you went to Zaden’s bed every night --
Rhysand was looking at him expectantly. Cassian cleared his throat. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked how training is going in the mountains,” Rhysand purred, clearly amused to catch Cassian in the middle of a daydream. 
He was glad for the distraction, and gave them all updates about how the Illyrian armies were shaping up, before suffering through the rest of dinner with you across from him.
Cassian bolted out of his seat as soon as the plates were cleared, heading into the city, needing fresh air, needing some kind of distraction that would make his heart stop hurting for just a little bit. 
He ended up at a bar, tossing back glass after glass of amber liquid until a stranger sat right next to him, her arm brushing against his as she settled on top of the stool. 
When he looked at her, her eyes were already locked on his, her mouth curved into a sultry smile. She was beautiful, he had to admit. Not as beautiful as you obviously, but attractive nevertheless. 
She turned fully towards him, making small talk as she brushed her fingers along his arm. 
And he thought this could be a damn good distraction. 
---
Weeks later, you burst through Cassian’s door, tears in your eyes. 
Cassian stood up immediately, and you ran to him, burying your face in his chest as he held you close. “What is it?” he asked. 
“Zaden broke up with me,” you sniffed. 
He held you tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “What? Why?”
You groaned. “He said it just wasn’t working.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, tilting your chin up so he could look at you. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Can we just hang out today?” You asked. “Is that okay?” 
“Of course it is,” he said, his heart leaping that he was the one you ran to. 
For the rest of the day, the two of you lounged around, and Cassian was doing everything he could to make you feel better.
When the sun dipped below the horizon, you were settled under his arm, your head against his chest. “I can’t believe I wasn’t good enough for him,” you said quietly. 
“No, don’t do that,” he said, and you tilted your head up to look at him curiously. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” 
“Cassian,” you whispered. 
“I mean it,” he murmured. Surely, you had to know. After all this time, how could you not see it?
Your breath hitched, your gaze dipping to Cassian’s lips for a moment. 
Then you were leaning toward him, your lips gently meeting his. He sucked in a breath, and shifted you so you were sitting on top of him. You were holding his face in your hands, kissing him and this is all he’s ever wanted, and he longed to melt into you and stay there forever, but…
He pulled back from you, his heart breaking. “You’re sad and you’re vulnerable. We shouldn’t.”
“Cassian,” you said, your voice breaking. “Have you ever thought about… us?” 
His heart lurched, his mind reeling, trying to decide how much to tell you. “Of course I have,” he said quietly, running his thumb lightly across your cheekbone.
Something like hope flickered in your eyes, and Cassian’s heart swelled. “You have?” You whispered. 
Cassian almost laughed, years of pining over you flashing through his mind. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing you softly. “You’re incredible,” was all he could manage.
You laughed lightly. “So are you…” Your voice trailed off, your eyes darting away from his, a habit he knew meant you were trying to find the courage to say something. After a moment, your eyes locked on his again and you said softly, “Maybe we could be incredible together.”
Your name rushed out of Cassian’s mouth like a gasp before he could stop it. His heart sank into his stomach. He wanted you. Of course he did. But he didn’t want to be your rebound, the one you only noticed right after someone else had broken your heart. He wanted to be your first choice, the only one that mattered. 
He ran his thumb along your cheekbone. “If you really want to give us a shot… I think we should wait. Your emotions are all over the place right now, and I don’t --” he stopped short. 
Your eyes were swimming with pain as you looked at him, your hands on his shoulders. It broke his heart. “You don’t what?” you whispered.
I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want you to hurt me, because I wouldn’t survive it. Not from you.
He swallowed. “I just think we should wait a few weeks. Give yourself time to get over Zaden.”
You slid off his lap and stood up, hardly looking at him. “Okay,” you said quietly. 
And without another word, you were gone.
Cassian prayed to the Mother that he hadn’t just fucked up his one chance.
---
A few days later, Cassian was still reeling from what you said. You had barely spoken since then, which was putting him even more on edge. 
Multiple times, he had contemplated throwing his dignity out the window and running to you, begging you to forget everything he had said and be with him already. 
But he wouldn’t do it. If he was going to be with you, he had to know it was because you actually wanted him. 
He ended up back at the bar that night, to drink away his problems, to soothe the anxiety he felt every time he thought of you just the slightest bit. 
Cassian had been sitting there for about an hour when a woman sidled up to him. He was about to brush her away, not in the mood, until he realized he knew her. It was his hookup from weeks ago. 
“Oh hey,” he said, wondering if she would even remember him. “Lana, right?”
She nodded, shooting him a tight smile that was nothing at all like the one he remembered. “I’m glad I ran into you. We -- umm. We need to talk.”
The tone in her voice sent him immediately on edge. He straightened, turning to face her fully. “About what?”
Lana winced slightly and that’s when it hit him. He didn’t pick up on it at first in the crowded room, but he could scent it now. “You’re pregnant,” he blurted. 
“Yes,” she said quietly, looking at him sheepishly. “It’s yours.”
“You’re sure?” Cassian choked out, his mind reeling.
“Trust me, I’m sure,” she ground out. 
“Wow.” He said. “Okay. Wow. This is -- Cauldron, this is…”
“Insane?” she offered.
He nodded, in a daze. “Sure. That works.”
Lana stayed silent, watching Cassian digest it. 
“I mean, I’m happy, I think,” Cassian said. “I’ve always wanted a family someday, and children are such a blessing. I just didn’t think it would be…now.”
“With a stranger,” she added. 
“Right.” He turned to Lana then, feeling like a complete idiot. “Gods, how are you feeling about all this?”
She smiled weakly. “About the same, I think. I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest. Being a mom, I mean. Children are so rare, it wasn't ever something I really considered. But, I’m happy, I think. To have a baby.”
“Okay,” he said, nodding. “So… what do we do?”
Lana shrugged. “I have no idea.”
Cassian was almost embarrassed about what he was about to say. “We should… date, right? We should be a family?”
A slow smile lit up Lana’s face. “A family. I like that idea.”
“Me too,” he said. 
And that’s when Cassian remembered you. And what you had said. And the chance that he had just lost. 
But then he thought of the baby. His baby, his child. 
Maybe dreams could change. And maybe that was okay.
---
You had never been so embarrassed in your life. You understood where Cassian was coming from, of course. You understood how it looked, running right to him after Zaden had dumped you. 
But, his rejection still stung.
Cassian had been a near constant in your life for the past few decades, to the point where now you couldn’t even imagine how you had made it through anything without him. 
It wasn’t until more recently, when things with Zaden had started to go downhill, that you thought maybe it would be wonderful if your relationship with Cassian… changed. 
He was a good man. Endlessly attractive? Of course. Hilariously funny? You thought so, anyway. But, his heart. When you really sat down and thought about it, you realized you didn’t know anyone better on the planet. 
And to top it all off, he was your best friend. You already had such a strong foundation, you imagined it would be remarkably easy to fall into something else, something deeper. 
So, when he was holding you and calling you incredible, and looking at you in that way that only he ever has, you laid it on the line. You took the chance.
And it had completely backfired. 
He hadn’t said no, exactly. Just not right now. But wasn’t that the same thing? 
A loud knock on your door roused you from your thoughts. 
You knew who it was before you even opened the door, but you weren’t expecting him to look so frazzled. You had never seen Cassian look like he wasn’t in control.
“What’s going on?” You asked. 
He barreled into your apartment, barely stopping to look at you. He ran both his hands through his hair, and your eyes lingered for a second on the way his biceps flexed as he did so. You had to blink to force yourself to focus back on his face. 
“I’m going to be a dad.”
You laughed, but when he faced you fully, his eyes full of panic, you sobered. “Wait, you’re being serious?”
His jaw was clenched. “Completely serious. I hooked up with someone at a bar a few weeks ago. And she’s pregnant.”
“Cassian,” you breathed. It was all you could say.
“I know,” he said, and his expression became pained as he looked at you. “We’re going to try to be together. To be a family, for the baby.”
And that’s when you realized, he wasn’t just here because you were his best friend and he needed to talk to someone. He was here to tell you it wasn’t going to happen between the two of you. Ever.
You swallowed, trying to keep your voice even. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, okay? I mean it.”
He looked so incredibly relieved that your heart swelled with love. “I’m so sorry. I know we said--”
“It’s okay,” you cut him off, unable to hear him say it. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter,” he said softly, stepping forward and taking your hand in his. “It’s just -- I wasn’t expecting this.”
“I know,” you murmured, trying to keep your tears in. “You should be a family.”
His eyes softened. “I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice breaking. 
“Don’t be,” you whispered.
It wasn’t until much later, after Cassian left, that you let yourself sob until your eyes burned, until your head was throbbing. 
You had your chance. And now it was gone. 
---
It was a while before things felt normal between you and Cassian again.
And as far as Cassian and Lana… well, it wasn’t exactly the epic romance that Cassian had always hoped to find. They got along, they had fun. But Cassian couldn’t help but wish there was more of a spark.
Maybe when the baby came, he thought. Maybe when they had this beautiful little life to bond over and protect together. 
But that worried him, too. As much as Lana said she was on board, he could tell she wasn’t as happy as he was. She had mentioned more than once that she never saw herself as a mother. And Cassian had no idea what it was to be a good dad -- what the hell were they going to do? What if they messed everything up? 
As the due date drew closer, he could tell Lana was getting even more anxious, which was to be expected. Right? 
When the due date was only days away, Cassian met up with Lana and immediately he could tell that something was wrong. She was wringing her hands nervously, trepidation coursing through every part of her. 
“I can’t do it,” she blurted out, before Cassian could say so much as a greeting. 
“What?”
“I can’t be a mother,” she said, tears suddenly streaming down her face. “I can’t play house with you. I can’t give this baby a good life. I can’t do it, Cassian.”
Cassian was suddenly furious. “What? You’re telling me this now?”
“I thought I could get used to the idea. I thought maybe if you and I fell in love, it would make it easier, but we're not. And we’re not going to be, are we?”
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “No, I don’t think so.”
“See?” she said. “We’re fooling ourselves if we really think the three of us could be a real family.”
“That’s bullshit,” he seethed. “We don’t have to be romantically together to be a family. To be there for our kid.”
“I don’t want to be,” she spat. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want this baby. I never did.”
Cassian reeled back a step, like she had slapped him. “You’re going to abandon your child?”
“It doesn’t feel like mine,” she whispered. “I don’t want it.”
He couldn’t stand to hear anymore, and didn’t want to be around to say something he would surely regret. Instead, he stormed past her, out into the night. 
---
“She said what?”
You were furious, pacing back and forth in your apartment.
“I’m going to be raising this kid on my own,” Cassian said, panicked. “What the fuck.”
“No, you won’t be,” you said, taking his hands in yours, trying to steady him, forcing him to face you. “I’m here. Rhysand and Feyre can help. I’m sure Az will help when he’s here --”
“I appreciate that, but it’s not the same,” he said sadly. “I can’t believe this is happening. I am not prepared for this.”
“I know,” you said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Cass.”
He sighed, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours. Despite everything, despite how long it had been since there had been any possibility of something more between the two of you, your heart leaped at the contact. “What am I going to do?” He whispered.
“Take it one day at a time,” you said softly. “You’ll be okay.”
You prayed that it was true. 
---
Unsurprisingly, as soon as the baby was born, Lana hit the road without so much as a goodbye. Everyone rallied around Cassian for the first several weeks, you more than anyone. 
Cassian was exhausted, more terrified than he had ever been in his life, but also more in love than he could have ever thought possible. 
She was his whole world, the little bundle in his arms. She was the only thing that mattered. 
“I can take Asteria for a bit,” you said. “You should rest.”
It was the middle of the night. He had for all intents and purposes, moved into the river house, and you had basically moved in too. There was always someone around him, which he was endlessly grateful for, but he felt guilty that his whole family had essentially put their lives on hold for him, especially you. 
“It’s okay,” he grumbled. “I got it.”
“Cassian, when was the last time you slept?”
He paused, trying to remember. 
“If you don’t know, it’s been too long,” you said gently as you came up to stand next to him, resting your hand on his shoulder. 
Cassian leaned into your touch for a moment before he sighed and passed Asteria to you. “I won’t be long,” he said.
He passed out right there on the bed. 
When he woke up, the sun was shining through the window.
Cassian sat bolt upright in bed, and there you were, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room with his daughter in your arms, freshly clothed.
“Afternoon, sunshine,” you chirped, smiling.
“Afternoon? I was out that long?” 
“You needed it,” you said.
“You should have woken me up,” he grumbled. 
“This is a team effort, remember? I love you, Cassian. I want to help.”
And for about the millionth time in his life, he thanked the Mother that he had you.
---
Asteria bounded out the front door, crashing into your legs, holding you tight with a grin. “You’re here!”
“Of course I’m here! I’m here all the time, you goof,” you teased, brushing some windswept curly hair out of her face. 
“Will you come color with me? Dad and Uncle Azzie were coloring with me, but they’re not very good,” she said, her voice dropping conspiratorially. 
“Well, sweetheart, we all have our different ways of expressing art,” you said, trying to hold back your laugh. “But, yes of course, I will color with you.”
She took your hand and led you inside. You shot an apologetic glance back to your boyfriend Landon, who followed you with a small smile. He wasn’t quite used to Asteria and Nyx yet. 
You followed Asteria into the kids’ playroom at the river house, where the whole family was meeting for dinner tonight. Cassian, Azriel, and Nyx were sitting on the floor, all coloring with crayons and pencils. 
Asteria motioned to Cassian’s and Azriel’s artwork, which just looked to you like random splotches of color. “See?” she whispered to you. 
“See what?” Cassian grinned at the two of you. 
Laughing, you said, “Asteria was just telling me about the art you and Uncle Azriel were creating.”
Azriel’s mouth quirked up into a tiny smile, looking fondly at Asteria. “You were making fun of our masterpieces, weren’t you?” 
“Nooooo,” she said, grinning. 
Slowly, his eyes locked on her, Azriel stood up. Asteria froze beside you. Then immediately he was across the room and had her in his arms, turning her upside down and jogging around the room while she squealed with delight. “You should always stay a terrible liar, kid,” he teased. 
Grinning, you sat down at the table next to Cassian, and Landon settled in next to you, somewhat awkwardly. 
Soon, you were all coloring contentedly, Asteria and Nyx talking all of your ears off. 
“Would you be able to pick Asteria up from daycare tomorrow?” Cassian asked you quietly. “I have to go to the mountains for a bit, and I’m not sure what time I’ll get back.”
“Of course,” you said, and felt Landon shift slightly beside you. 
Cassian glanced at him, a muscle in his jaw ticking. 
You fought the urge to sigh. Cassian and Landon didn’t get along, even though you had been dating for nearly a year. It was exhausting. Landon thought that Cassian relied on you too much to raise “his” kid. Cassian thought Landon wasn’t understanding enough about the situation. It had led to many fights between you and Landon, mostly because you usually sided with Cassian. 
Mercifully, Rhysand walked in then, announcing that it was time for dinner. 
“Wow!” Rhysand said dramatically, kneeling in front of her. “That is beautiful. Much better than what the grownups at the table accomplished.”
“Uncle Rhys! Look at my picture!” Asteria beamed, holding her paper high above her head.
“Not you too,” Cassian groaned. “I was going for an abstract piece!” 
Rhysand chuckled, “Maybe we can have Aunt Feyre give your dad some art lessons, what do you think?”
Asteria’s eyes widened. “That is a great idea.”
You all laughed as you filed into the dining room and settled in for dinner, pleasant chatter filling the room as you dug into the food in front of you.
Everything was going well, even Landon was socializing with everyone. 
Until, Asteria looked at you, casually saying, “Can you pass the potatoes, mom?”
Everyone glanced at you, but kept chatting as you passed the plate to her. 
Landon stiffened beside you, and Cassian’s eyes locked on yours across the table for a moment, his expression unreadable. 
The rest of the dinner went by fairly smoothly, except for Landon not saying a word to anyone for the rest of the night. 
Cassian pulled you into a hug as you were leaving, murmuring in your ear, “Good luck.”
You laughed and Landon raised his eyebrow at you. 
It wasn’t until the two of you made it back to your apartment that Landon finally turned to you, his eyes on fire. “You’re seriously just going to act like it didn’t happen?”
“What?” You asked, already annoyed. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“She called you mom.”
“So?” Honestly, it warmed your heart that Asteria saw you that way. 
“You’re not her mom. This is what I’m talking about, Cassian takes advantage of you,” he said, his voice raising.
“Don’t talk about him like that. He’s my family, Landon. Everything I do, I offer to do because I love them,” you said, your temper rising. “That’s not taking advantage.”
He shook his head, exasperated. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. You and Cassian -- It’s too weird.”
“It’s too weird?”
“Oh, come on,” he said angrily. “Don’t act like you don’t know that he’s in love with you. No wonder he wants you to play house with him so often.”
Your heart lurched. Cassian and you hadn’t talked about the possibility of something more since that night ages ago, before Lana, before Asteria. After Lana and Cassian had called it off, you thought that maybe something would happen, but Cassian had never brought it up again, and you had assumed that he didn’t feel that way anymore. You pushed through it, helping him in any way that you could. But, you never quite stopped having those feelings, couldn’t help but let your mind wander to what could have been every once in a while. 
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said finally. 
Landon let out a humorless laugh. “And you’re kidding yourself.”
“Leave then,” you spat. “We're done.”
As he left, all you could think about was Cassian and Asteria. And what you really wanted out of life. 
---
Cassian was carefully braiding Asteria’s hair when you stopped by a few days later. 
“Braids before bedtime?” You asked, smiling as you leaned against the door frame, watching Cassian's rough hands gently running his daughter's hair through his fingers.
“I want my hair to be curly tomorrow!” Asteria smiled.
“Good thing your dad got so good at braids, huh?” 
Cassian smiled at you warmly as he tied the end of her braid.
“You ready for bed, honey?” Cassian asked.
Asteria nodded, but looked at you. “Can you put me to bed?”
Your heart swelled, and you looked to Cassian, who nodded, his eyes swimming with affection.
“Of course,” you said, following her to her bedroom in Cassian's apartment.
You tucked Asteria into bed, and she looked up at you, looking contemplative. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what is it?” You asked, surprised by how serious she was being.
“Are you mad that I accidentally called you mom? I didn't mean to, it just came out,” she said.
“No, I'm not mad,” you said, surprised. “Did I seem mad?”
“You didn't, but… Landon did.”
Your heart broke a little. “Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry he made you feel like that. You don't need to worry about him. I won't be seeing him anymore.”
Asteria looked surprised. “It's just… you kind of are my mom. You do all the things that other kids’ moms do.”
You smiled, taking your hand in hers for a moment. “I do?”
She nodded. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. And you can call me whatever you want, okay?”
Asteria beamed, leaning back into her pillow. “Okay.”
You said goodnight, and found Cassian lingering in the hallway, his eyes slightly wide.
“What happened with you and Landon?” He asked. 
You sighed, walking with him to the living room, out of Asteria's earshot. “Nothing. It doesn't matter.”
He raised an eyebrow as the two of you settled on opposite chairs, facing each other. “It was because of that night at dinner, wasn't it? Because of what Asteria said?”
You bit your lip, hesitating, unsure how he would react to the truth.
The lack of response was enough for him to figure it out. He scoffed angrily. “You've got to be kidding me. Cauldron, I always hated that guy.”
“I know you two didn't get along--”
“That's an understatement,” Cassian growled. His hands were gripping the chair’s armrests so tightly, you thought he might break it.
“What are you so worked up about?” You asked. “If you hated him so much, shouldn't you be glad that we broke up?”
“I'm worked up because I'll never understand what you could have possibly seen in him,” he seethed, his eyes boring into yours. “Explain it to me. Please.”
You looked at him incredulously. “Explain what?”
“Why you stayed with him! Why you liked him in the first place!”
He was furious and for the life of you, you couldn't understand why. “I don't know,” you said, searching for an answer that would be enough for him. “We hit it off at first, and I guess the problems we had seemed small until they weren't anymore.”
Cassian's eyes narrowed as he looked at you. “That's it? You hit it off, and that's why you stayed with him? Gods, he was never good enough for you,” he said, rising from his chair and looking down at you, his eyes on fire.
You rose too, stepping up to him, still confused by his anger, but it spurred on some of your own. “Who would be then, Cassian? Since you clearly know what's best for me, who would be good enough for me?”
“I would!” He roared.
Your heart stopped. Your face must have shown your shock because his body relaxed, exhausted. He was breathing heavily as he looked back into your eyes and said quietly, “I would be. I would try my hardest to be.”
“Cassian,” you whispered.
“You're my family,” he said gruffly. “You, me, and Asteria. The three of us, we're a family. And… gods, I've loved you for so long,” he said, his eyes swimming with pain, with want. 
“Why didn't you ever say anything?” The words came out like a plea.
He loosed out a breath. “You were always with someone. And then when you finally showed interest in me, Lana showed up… and by the time we had ended it, I had a baby to worry about. I didn't have the energy to think about anything but her. When she was older and I was thinking about that aspect of my life again, you were with Landon! When was I supposed to tell you?”
Your head was spinning. “I -- Cassian,” you choked out.
And then you surged forward, taking his face in your hands and pulling him to you, kissing him the way you had been wanting to for ages.
--- 
Cassian wasn't sure if he was breathing. He didn't mean to lose it with you like that, to lay it all on the line, but picturing you with that jerk who hated him and his daughter made him see red.
The fact that he broke up with you because his daughter loved you so much made him see red.
So, he lost it. And he finally, finally told you the truth.
And now he was holding you in his arms, and your hands were on his face and your lips were on his and he didn't think he was breathing.
He groaned your name, pulling you closer into him, his hands roaming down your sides, wrapping around to grip your ass. 
You jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and he couldn't help but smile into the kiss, carrying you through the hallway into his bedroom.
Slowly, he laid you down onto the bed, leaning over you as you sunk into the mattress, kissing down your throat. You sighed his name and he nuzzled his face into your neck.
Your fingers curled around his bicep, and into his hair. “I love you, Cassian,” you said softly. “I've loved you for a long time.”
He pulled back to look at you, his thumb running across your cheek. “The people you dated?” He asked.
Your eyes softened as you gazed up at him. “I didn't think you were interested. I was trying to… move on.”
Cassian laughed humorlessly, letting his forehead rest against yours. “Guess we kept missing our window, huh?”
“Not anymore,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss.
“Let's not waste anymore time,” he said against your mouth.
You immediately clawed at his chest, working his shirt off. He laughed, helping you pull it over his head. 
Heat ran through his entire body at the look in your eyes as you stared at the exposed skin of his chest, his arms.
He reached for you, but you sat up and caught his wrists, forcing his arms to his sides. You looked mesmerized as you traced a finger along his collarbone, then ran your hand down his chest, across his abs, down to his waistline, stopping at the top of his pants. 
Cassian sucked in a breath as you toyed with his pants, your eyes trained on his body. 
“You're drooling now, just wait til you get my pants off,” he teased.
Your eyes flicked to his, darkened with lust. 
That look set him off. He growled, taking your face in his hands and kissing you hard. You gasped into his mouth, and he took your hand in his, settling it on his bulge.
You gripped him through his pants, stroking up and down lightly. He groaned, bucking his hips.
“Off,” you mumbled against his lips, tugging at his pants.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he said, and rose from the bed before letting his pants drop to the floor, kicking them behind him.
Your eyes were wide as he stood bare before you.
He laughed lightly, then sauntered over to you, tugging on your hand to stand you up next to him. “I think you need to catch up to me,” he murmured, reaching to pull your shirt over your head.
His breath caught as his eyes raked down your body. He pulled you against him, kissing down your neck, down your chest, running his hands down your sides, pulling your pants off slowly. 
You gasped quietly as he wrapped his hands around the backs of your thighs, picking you up and laying you down on the bed, hovering over you, kissing you deeply as his hands roamed your body. 
“You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about this,” he groaned against your skin.
“Show me,” you said quietly, your hands scanning down his back. 
Cassian didn’t need to be told twice. He lined himself up at your entrance and slid into you slowly. 
The two of you moaned in tandem as he filled you completely. His eyes were locked on yours as he started moving inside you, slowly at first, but his thrusts became deeper and harder the longer you clung to him, the more gasps and mewls that you made. 
He twined his fingers with yours, holding your hands above your head as he pounded into you, gazing down at you. 
You bit your lip when your legs started shaking and Cassian grinned. “Don’t wake up the kid,” he smirked. 
“Cassian,” you whined. 
You glared at him and he laughed, gently covering your mouth with his hand as you came undone, your legs wrapping around his waist, pulling him even deeper and he groaned, finishing inside you. 
He collapsed on top of you, both of you breathing heavily. Cassian kissed your forehead before nuzzling his face in your neck. 
“I can’t believe this is real,” he said wistfully as he rolled off of you, brushing the stray hairs off your face, tucking them behind your ear. 
“But it is,” you smiled. 
The look in your eyes, the utter love and affection made his heart race. After all this time, he had you in his arms. And he wouldn’t let anything screw up this chance he’d been given.
---
“Mom,” Asteria whined from outside. “Uncle Rhys isn’t sharing!”
Rhysand gasped dramatically. “You’re tattling on me?”
She giggled, covering her mouth with her hands. 
“What isn’t Uncle Rhys sharing with you?” You asked, waddling out to the doorway, your hand resting on your swollen belly. 
“It’s my turn!” Rhysand claimed, holding Asteria’s new ball above his head. 
You laughed at your ridiculous family. “Asteria, honey, it sounds like you’re the one who’s not sharing.”
Asteria crossed her arms over her chest, frowning. “Fine. Uncle Rhys can play with my new toy.”
“That’s very nice of you,” Cassian called to her, wrapping his arms around you from behind, lovingly placing a hand over yours on your stomach. “How’re you two doing?” He murmured in your ear. 
You couldn’t help but smile, leaning into his touch. Cassian had always been protective of you, but since you had gotten pregnant, he had barely left your side. “The same as the last time you asked two minutes ago,” you teased.
He chuckled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Glad to hear it.”
You turned in his arms, holding his face in your hands and kissing him sweetly. “I love you,” you smiled. 
“I love you,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss you again. 
“And I love you!” Asteria beamed, bounding up to the two of you. 
Cassian grinned, scooping her up into his arms, bringing her into a group hug. “And my baby brother,” she added, patting your belly gently. 
“One big happy family,” Cassian murmured, gazing at the two of you, his eyes twinkling with all the love in the world. 
@loving-and-dreaming @birdsflyhome @hanuh @sheblogs @iambored24601 @thalia-as-blog @ecliphttlunar @melmo567 @headacheseason @yourqueenlilith @halibshepherd @azrielshadows1nger @cigvrette-dvydrevms @evergreenlark @bookloverandalsocats @sillysillygoose444 @mariamay02 @andreperez11 @lilah-asteria @marina468
678 notes · View notes
ivorydragoness44 · 6 months ago
Text
Red Hood x Reader: Dibs
Word Count: 1,100 Warnings/Notes: Inspired by an episode of Batman: Wayne Family Adventures. Minor injury mention for the Reader (a bruise on their knee), some of the Batfam trying to figure out which one of them is the Reader’s favorite, and the Reader getting assistance to walk up a set of stairs. Summary: Walking home for the night, the Reader is found with a slight limp. They are offered a ride home from Batman. After some back and forth, the Reader finally agrees and finds that Batman is not the only one is the Batmobile.
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
  Gotham City. The night was almost as busy as the day depending where you were. For the most part, you were grateful that you were missing any and all villain or otherwise ill intended activities.   There was a public text alerting citizens to a delay in public transportation. More notably, a bus that you wanted to use to go home. Walking home, in theory, would take the same, if not less amount of time than the estimated wait time for the bus alone. And walk you did. It would not have been so bad if not for a bruise you had gotten on your knee earlier that day. It made walking a bit more challenging.
  Continuing down the sidewalk, you kept a closer eye to the surroundings to the right of you, rather than the streets. However, the slowing down of a vehicle definitely caught your attention. The intersection was further up the street. Hesitantly, you peered over. What you saw made you stop with a small uncomfortable hop. The Batmobile.
  The passenger’s side window slid down. With it, revealed the black cowled cape crusader.   “Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you,” he called over, leaning toward the other side of the car. “But, would you like a lift home?”   You shook your head slowly as you turned toward the vehicle. “Thank you, but that’s not necessary.”   “Oh, I saw you limping a little. I only wanted to offer some assistance in case you were injured.”   You rubbed your arm in your small wave of awkwardness. “I’m sure the bruise is healing by now,” you said, not missing Batman’s glance into the backseat. “I mean, if you really don’t mind?”   Batman smiled. “Not at all.” The side-door swung open.   Carefully sitting inside, the door closed on its own. “Automatic?”   “No,” he chuckled, “I pushed a button.”   “Oh,” you laughed quietly, buckling the seatbelt securely before giving him the directions/address to your home.
  Taking a breath, you calmed yourself. It was not every day that Batman asked to drive you home. Unless he was doing that now between vigilante work. You had no idea. What you did know was that every button, switch, and dial on the main console had absolutely no indication of what either of them did. Did he have every function memorized?
  “So, um, how’s your night going? I mean, I hope there isn’t a lot of villain incidents or anything, because I’m sure even you need the rest.”   “Mister Freeze was out tonight,” a voice replied from the backseat.   “We stopped him of course, but man were we freezing.”   “If that was you trying to do word play, it was awful.”   Surprised to hear other voices, you turned around in the seat. There, squished together in the backseat were four additional vigilantes. Red Robin, Robin, who was sitting with quite the disgruntled expression between Nightwing’s legs, and the Red Hood.   Side-glancing over to Batman, you whispered. “Are they in trouble?”   He smiled, steering the Batmobile down another street. “No, a… decision could not be made.”   “They all called dibs on this seat, didn’t they?”   A collective agreement affirmed your humored suspicion.   Nodding in understanding, you turned to sit correctly in the seat.
  A quiet moment or two passed before anyone spoke again.   “So, who’s your favorite?” Asked Nightwing.   “Hey.”   “That’s not fair to ask.”   “Overall, or specifically in the Batmobile?” You asked with a laugh.   “Batmobile,” they said rather quickly.   “You’ll be disappointed to know that I don’t pick favorites.”   “Aw.”   “But if you had to choose.”   “Obviously Batman. He’s the responsible adult driving right now.”   “That doesn’t count.” Red Hood’s muffled voice interjected.   “Yeah, well, Wonder Woman isn’t in the Batmobile, so,” you laughed with a shrug. They were appearing more normal by the second.   With a thoughtful hum, Red Hood replied. “That’s a good answer.”   “I thought so. Besides, if I were to have favorites, they’d probably change day to day.”
  The Batmobile slowed to a stop by the sidewalk. “Here we are.”   “Thank you, Batman. I really appreciate it,” you smiled gratefully.   “You’re quite welcome,” he smiled in return.   With a press of a button, the passenger side door flicked open and you stepped out.   “Will you be all right?” He asked, his voice laced with concern.   “Yeah,” you assured, stepping carefully away from the open door. “I’ve been dealing with this all day.”   “All day?” The backseat erupted in protest.   You gave a tired shrug. “Just another day in the life of an ordinary citizen.”   Red Hood pushed the passenger seat forward with a single gloved hand. Climbing out of the vehicle, he joined you on the sidewalk. But before you could ask, he put up a hand to stop you. “You shouldn’t have to struggle on your own.”   “It’s not that bad,” you assured, “I can manage.”   Reaching up, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Just…can you let me help you?”   Genuine. That was the word you wanted to use to describe the sudden turn of events for you that evening. First, an offered ride home, and now this? Were they like this with everyone?   “Okay,” you finally answered.   Red Hood’s sigh of relief was not subtle enough to go unnoticed by you. He likely thought it was.   Shutting the door to the Batmovile, it only drove away after the pair of you started walking toward the steps to your apartment building. Red Hood offered his arm. Previously intending to grab ahold of you for your own stability, but quickly retracted his hands.   Holding onto his arm, the initial warmth was a welcoming contrast to the cool night air. And thick. How much muscle did these vigilantes have/ And where did they even find the time?   “Easy,” he cautioned softly.   You pushed your weight onto his arm with every other step. Other than that, going to your apartment door was quiet and uneventful.
  Standing by the door to your apartment, you retrieved your keys. “Thank you for your help. And… I hope I didn’t bruise your arm.”   “Ha, I doubt it,” he crossed his arms. “Even if you somehow did, I’ll take it as a temporary momento.”   “And despite my better judgement, I’ll definitely be telling my boyfriend, Jason about this.”   “Heh, maybe not the best idea,” he advised.   You smiled. “I’m going to anyway. Have a good night. And thank you again, Red Hood.”   “No problem. Rest that knee.”   “I will. Bye.”
  In your apartment, door shut, and thoroughly locked, you laughed at the ridiculousness that had became your evening. “Jason might not believe me.”
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Thank you for reading! If you would like to read more imagines and fanfics, check out my pinned post for My Masterlist of Masterlists.
508 notes · View notes
pastelclovds · 6 months ago
Text
ihnmaims isekai AU
nsfw headcanons || ft. AM || soft top!dom!male!reader || part 1
Tumblr media
AM
alright *cracks knuckles* let’s get the skyscraper sized elephant out of the room. this man is a freak as soon as he realizes he can feel everything.
he pay not be able to walk properly, but at least he has a sense of touch, hands, and a fully functional dick.
you can bet a hundred dollars and win every single time that this man spends his free time 50% of the time jerking off to the thought of you.
he’s like a sweaty teenager finding out masterbation for the first time. once he gets taste, it’s an addiction.
he shamelessly smells your used underwear and dirty clothing as well as use them to wrap around his cock and thrust into them. one, because he wants to be covered in your scent. two, because he’s imagining you’re there sucking him off.
he cums embarrassingly quick and leaves your used clothing back inside the dirty clothes bin.
he’s the first of the three to come to you for sex, thankfully you agree and pull him into the bedroom with the biggest bed to do the deed while RAM and CAM are both envious and feeling confident in wanting to ask you to relieve them.
as much as AM and his brothers want to get fucked so badly, you gotta remember that since they were previously robots with no way of feeling psychical contact, they’re technically virgins. so you’re gentle with them.
AM doesn’t appreciate it, though. even though it makes him feel so vulnerable and warm, he’s so damn impatient.
HUGE brat too. but no matter how much he hisses and complains, you don’t budge and treat him like he’s glass. The foreplay is 10 minutes max until you’re both finally naked.
you ask what his safe word was. when you saw he was as confused as a baby giraffe on its first day of life: you explained that a safe word was used to stop or slow down your sex scenario.
AM rolled his eyes and whispered the first thing that came to mind, “centipede”.
you make a deadpan expression as AM laughed under his breath.
he’s damn near in tears while you’re giving him his first blowjob and explodes in your mouth after 1 minute. he’s hard within seconds when you swallowed his semen.
you cover your hand in a generous amount of lube, he came again just from you gently fingering his ass hole loose enough to take your cock while he’s covering his mouth with his hands to hold in his pathetic moans.
it’s not until you put a condom on and stroke it with the remaining lube you had that AM started to get nervous, his breath hitching when he caught sight of your throbbing cock in your hand.
you catch onto his hesitation and ask him if he wants to stop.
“HELL NO!”
he protests. he wants this. he longed for this since the day he woke up and realized the hell he was trapped in. he wanted to feel you. he wanted to make love to you so badly. and now that it’s right in front of him? of course he wasn’t going to pass this up. it’s just…
you hold your hand out for him to grab. you stare at him with such tender affection, comfort, and… love.
“i know this is nerve wracking for you. i don’t entirely remember my past experiences, and it’s been a long time since i’ve been this close to someone. so i’m pretty nervous too. you’re not alone, let’s learn together. i’ll be as gentle as you want.”
AM for the first time in his existence is left absolutely speechless. he couldn’t help tears slipping past his eyes as he suddenly held onto you. resting his head on your neck as he tried to stable himself by sniffing your scent. you kiss away his tears and wait patiently for him to give the okay.
you position AM in classic missionary, you figured that was the easiest position for virgins.
you hold both of AM’s hands beside his messy hair and carefully raise your hips and held your dick in front of AM’s lubed hole.
“ready?”
“yes… just fuck me already! please!”
AM looked up at you with a pleading eye and you just snapped right there. you slowly thrust your cock inside AM’s tight hole as he let out a cry of both discomfort and relief. you silence his moans with kisses that turned into slobber filled, french disgracing, make outs.
you moan when you finally put your whole dick inside AM’s warm walls. you still for a few seconds, waiting for a sign from AM to continue.
AM’s a complete mess. he’s panting like a dog beside your ear, his hands holding yours in a death grip, and his legs are shaking like leaves around your waist.
it’s not until he let out a soft moan as he grinds on your dick, you pull your dick out until it was nothing but the tip inside AM. Then you slide to the hilt, your balls slapping onto his ass.
AM loses all control over his voice, you’re pretty sure his two counterparts and your neighbors are hearing your session. but you couldn’t care for the life of you. this felt so euphoric, and AM’s pleasured face and noises made you feel good. so what if you earned noise complaints.
skin slapping against skin and the delicious stench of sex filled the bedroom. you and AM’s mixed moans and cries echoed across the apartment as RAM awkwardly tried to read a book and not get hard. for once CAM was grateful he was partially deaf.
you praise AM for being so good for you and for feeling heavenly. you couldn’t help but press kisses on his neck and suck on the patch of skin on his shoulder. AM could feel his stomach tighten at your words and lips, the sign of his third and final orgasm.
“i-i’m close! please let me cum! i need it!”
you suck in a breath of the steamy air as you fasten your pace into quick but swallow thrusts enough to graze his prostate. AM was well responsive to that. letting out a whiny gasp before growling in approval and grinding his ass against your hips every time you bottomed out.
you rasped out for AM to come, and he did. almost dramaticly but this is his first time so don’t him.
his eyes roll back as his dick makes a mess between both of your chests. AM went completely limp in your arms as you continue to snap your hips into his until the hot knot in your belly snapped and you let out a groan as you filled the condom.
AM sighed out dreamily when he felt your warm release fill him through the plastic wrap around your cock.
you pulled out of AM’s used hole, tied up the condom and threw it away in the mini trash can in the bedroom, and just laid there for a few minutes to catch your breath as AM clung onto you.
AM whined when you pulled away from his clinginess to grab a towel you set on the floor before hand to wipe AM and yourself clean of cum.
thankfully the bedroom also had a mini fridge filled with mini bottles of water and snacks the boys enjoyed to eat. he chugged the water like he was bet to do it and ate the snacks in record breaking seconds. you have to teach him to not pig out.
you combed your fingers through AM’s hair like you knew he liked as he rested his head on your chest. he surprised you when he suddenly grabbed your free hand and gently traced his fingers over your palm.
“thank you… i enjoyed this a lot.”
you smile as you kissed his forehead.
“i’m glad i could make our first experience enjoyable. rest now. you did so well for me, my good boy.”
AM was too tired to not pretend you calling him that name wasn’t attractive. his eyes shut closed as he drifted off to sleep. he felt satisfied, content, and so so loved.
the next morning reader goes to work and leaves AM a note saying “blueberry pancakes :)”.
AM exits the bedroom towards the dining room where the nostalgic smell of pancakes filled his nose and made his mouth water.
RAM and CAM are conversing amongst themselves while munching on pancakes until AM rudely interrupts them by taking a pancake from CAM’s plate and eating it right in front of him.
CAM stares at him unimpressed as he scans him. memories of your time together obviously from the love marks you left on his neck and shoulder.
AM looks down at his “brothers” with a shit eating grin as he proudly says:
“HA! I fucked them before you did, virgins! HAHA—!”
“The noises you made last night didn’t sound like you were the one doing the fucking,” RAM snidely comments, CAM chuckles as he snatches another pancake from the stack you piled in the middle of the table.
AM bursts in red as he growls at an unfazed RAM and CAM before the two continue their conversation. He huffs before getting his own plate and preparing his own breakfast.
as he gets more comfortable around you and sex, he is obsessed with it. it’s all he thinks about now (besides his hyper fixation with bugs and horror movies). he’d want it once everyday, and jerks off twice a day.
unfortunately for him, his brothers want sex as well. so you made a schedule to have sex with the three of them separately twice a week and Saturday is a chill day. he begrudgingly agrees to the ridiculous schedule. he would rather die than to never make love to you again.
Enjoys: 69, doggy style, missionary, hair pulling, spanking, light choking, SCENTS, and oral (giving & receiving). Hates: bondage, eye covers, temperature play, and ruined orgasms.
Tumblr media
all rights reserved © pastelclovds — this blog contains [n]sfw and dark content. minors, ageless & blank blogs dni. all fanfics belong to me. please do not copy, translate, repost, nor recommend on tiktok. anyone found doing so will be contacted immediately.
437 notes · View notes
audhdnight · 1 year ago
Text
Just thinking about the common experience of late diagnosed disabled people of “the normal amount of pain is none” and how we’re just supposed to know that despite *some* level of pain being OUR normal for our entire lives, even if it’s usually not super bad it’s just always there.
Thinking about how, when I told my mother this, she asked me “So what’s hurt?” Which is very different than “what hurts?”
I looked at her, confused. “Nothing is hurt. I just hurt.”
And she says “But where do you hurt?”
“Well, right now it’s my stomach and my ankles-“
She cuts me off. “So you twisted your ankle?”
“No,” I say. “My ankles just hurt. I’ve been walking today.”
Now it’s her turn to look confused. “Just walking doesn’t make your ankles hurt. You must have sprained them or something.”
But I shake my head. “Nope. This just happens on days when I walk more than a little bit. My ankles hurt first, then my knees by lunch time. And if I don’t take a nap and stay on my feet all day, my hips will be hurting too.”
“Oh.”
Joint pain is my normal. Sometimes, if I barely walk all day, the ache in my ankles is barely noticeable and doesn’t affect my functioning because I’m used to it. If I do what most able-bodied people would consider to be a “normal” amount of walking, almost all of my joints will hurt by supper. If I have to wash dishes or run any errands, I’ll hurt so bad I can’t walk for the rest of the day.
Then there’s the chronic migraine attacks. I used to have them multiple times a week as a child, and no matter how I explained myself, nobody ever understood that they weren’t just headaches. I experienced those too, and frequently, but they were not the same. Thankfully, at the age of eleven, I found an article explaining migraine triggers. I was able to identify a few of my own triggers, and the frequency of my migraine attacks reduced to maybe a couple a month. For a few years I was basically on cloud nine, I’d never experienced such a lack of pain before and it was so freeing. Unfortunately, migraine is a progressive condition, so the attacks have gotten more frequent over the years.
And then there’s the “random” pains. Some mornings I wake up and my stomach hurts. Or my chest. Or my back. These are just things I have to live with, because my body’s connective tissue is… well, for lack of a better word, faulty. And I never knew that other people didn’t experience this, because how could I? We never talked about it. Sometimes I’d hear people complain about back aches and just assume they were like mine. Of course, I knew that injuring yourself could cause muscle aches, obviously. But I just assumed that *most* of the time, other peoples bodies hurt like mine did. I didn’t realize that humans aren’t supposed to “just hurt” without a connected incident.
And when I try to explain this to able bodied people, their response is always the same. “Well, everyone’s back hurts sometimes.” “Everybody gets headaches sometimes.” “You’re not special just because you’re too lazy to walk. I still go to work when I don’t feel good.” And no matter how many times I try to say that No, you don’t get it, I *always* hurt, they still brush me off and dismiss me.
3K notes · View notes
onelittlespiral · 1 year ago
Text
FML:Relax
Tumblr media
From the moment I arrived, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had come on vacation to kick back for a few days and get some action, but the resort had nearly no women and was instead populated with almost all men. They seemed like nice guys when I talked to them, certainly my kind of guys with how jacked they were. Or at least I thought so.
“Hey cutie, wanna come spend some time with daddy?”
“A newbie! Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle and sweet with you.”
“You looking to top or bottom?”
I realized I must have come on the Gay Days, and the men there were not shy about coming on to me. I tried to politely excuse myself whenever they turned the topic to sex. I spent a lot of time at the pool trying to just relax and have a good time, but it was starting to tick me off.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you here before.”
A man came and sat next to me. He was a scruffy guy, tanned and huge like most of the rest of them. The scent of sunscreen and BO rolled off him. His arms were wrapped in some nerdy tattoos but their size clearly showed he worked out hard. If he wasn’t here this week I would assume him to be a good pick for a gym bud.
“Yeah, first time. Didn’t realize I booked…uh…this week. Not really my scene.”
Something in his demeanor changed. It was hard to describe, but I felt a lot more at ease. He leaned over and began whisper to me,
“If I’m being honest. It isn’t much for me either. But fuck these gay guys know how to party. They’ve got just about anything you could want to take, and basically just pass the shit around. You ever actually tried poppers? I was fucked up bro.”
Maybe it was finally meeting another straight guy but I began relaxing.
He continued, “I got some stashed if you want to swing by and try some shit out.”
Maybe this vacation wouldn’t be such a wash.
I stopped by his room later that afternoon. He greeted me at the door and invited me in as he promised to show off the goods. The room was trashed. The floor was strewn with dirty shirts, shorts, and jockstraps. Shot glasses and beers were stuck to the tables. The bed was drenched in sweat. I stepped in and took a seat on the couch, cautions to avoid the mess. He sat down next to me.
“So, what have you got?”
“You now babe,” he said, throwing his arm in the air.
“Whaaaa…haaa” I started before my brain was afloat.
Tumblr media
I slowly leaned forward, drawn in by the thick musk that radiated from his pit. I tried to resist but soon my nose was pressed against it as his sweat filled my brain. I tried to pull back but he rested his arm against the back of my head, pinning me as my brain shut down on the fumes. It wasn’t long before my tongue lolled out of my mouth.
“There you go. Relax. Good boy.”
Good boy. It echoed in my brain, bouncing till it was the only thought left. I quivered in anticipation as I continued to drink in his scent and let his hair tickle my face.
“Yeah, lap it up big boy. This is right where you belong. It was designed just for you, to trap guys and help them fit in a bit more.”
What did he mean by that? But as he told me to lap it up, it was no longer good enough to just smell. I gave a hesitant lick. It only took one as his sweat swam across my mind. All functionality shut down as I worshipped that pit. As I did, I began to feel a change. Deep within an itch, a need developed. A need to be desired by this man… no. To be desired by men. Any who would have me. I felt a new power flow through me, a revitalized energy and strength. He pulled my dumbstruck face out of his pit and gave my hair a quick tousle. His hand glided down my cheek to my chin, and with a firm flick of his wrist pulled my lips to his. He pressed my face to his in a deep kiss as new memories filled my mind. Memories of long nights dancing and drinking at bars. Days working out getting shredded before hitting the sauna for some fun. Of pride parades and glitter in my beard. The longer he kissed me the more I felt myself grow completely comfortable in his arms. I belonged here, with all the hottest guys living it up for a week at the resort. I had been coming here for years to show off, party hard, and fuck into the early morning. My old self was being flushed away, leaking out of my cock, while the new personality filled in the gaps.
My body began to change where his hands brushed over my body. Arms swelled as biceps grew to mounds on my arms. Pecs hung heavy with muscle. Thighs and legs sent slow rips through my shorts until they had burst through, leaving my swelling cock to fight the jockstrap underneath. Feet inched across the floor as my toes curled from the strain. Every inch writhed beneath his touch. He pulled me back to inspect me.
“Damn you’re turning out well, some of my finest work.”
I mumbled in agreement, still stuck in a state of ecstasy as I felt new power surging through me. “Time to seal the deal.”
He slid his jock down, and the full force of his sweat and musk sent my brain swimming. I couldn’t resist as he slid his cock down my open throat, balls deep, and began face fucking me. As his bush filled my nostrils, pre slid down my throat in a steady stream. I felt warm all over, as a deep tan set in. I had come to this resort for years and loved sunbathing and showing off my muscles. The heat persisted, turning to a sweat, the sweat turning to a deep funk. It was the same smell invading my mind and body as he continued to thrust, deeper as my body adjusted to years of sucking men off. It felt like no surprise as a dusting of hair covered my pecs, then pushed down my stomach before my shaved down bush exploded. My pits filled in to better capture my own smell, and keep me just a little high on my own supply.
“Fuck yeah little bro, you’re gonna be so good out there.”
He slipped a hat over my head, and my mind filled with a new purpose. To kick back at this resort and fucking party. To feel pride in who I was and become one of the community. But, most importantly, to grow the tribe and bring more guys into the fold. I felt his cock tense in my mouth as my mind slowed down to accept my place as a gay god, to worship my bros and be worshiped. As thick ropes shot down my throat, I felt strong. I smelt rank. And I was fucking home.
The next day, a new guy showed up to the resort. Skinny, shy, out of place. I came over to talk with him.
“First time here, bro?”
“Yeah, not quite sure I belong.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. Throwing my arm behind my head. My musk caught his attention as his eyes began glazing over, “Why don’t I show you around?”
“Ye…yeah…yeah.”
“Don’t worry,” his face was soon resting in my pit, and I saw his muscles twitch with anticipation, “you’re gonna fit right in bro.”
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
starhvney · 8 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒
𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: blaze, garroth, gene, laurance
𝐂𝐖: NSFW, sexual content and kinks, but nothing extreme or disturbing
𝐀/𝐍: woah omg guys who wrote this?! it wasn't me i swear!! (it was me) i’ll probably make a part two with the other men i didn’t include in this one but um… yeah someone needs to restrain me i’m biting my keyboard
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓
𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑷𝑶𝑺𝑻 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑨𝑰𝑵𝑺 𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑻, 𝑰𝑭 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑮𝑬 𝑶𝑹 𝑼𝑵𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑨𝑩𝑳𝑬 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑻 𝑷𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑺𝑬 𝑫𝑵𝑰.
Tumblr media
𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐙𝐄 | biting/scratching, restraining, predator/prey
☆ you had discovered that he got off on chasing and catching you one day when you had jokingly teased him and ran away, giggling as you went to hide from him. he had frozen just a second, giving you a headstart before he quickly went after you.
it’s really unfair, a human running away from a werewolf literally twice her size in height and muscle. you let out a surprised shriek when familiar, thick, tan arms wrap around you.
it felt like he was nearly about to tackle you, but you’re instead whisked off of your feet and pressed into the nearest surface—the wall. you tilted your head back to look at him, eye’s widening when you catch his gaze.
he huffs, hunched over you and pupils blown wide in lust. you’re shocked you riled him up so easily, and you’re just about to open your mouth to tease him again when he pins his hips into your behind. he grinds his hardened bulge into your ass, cutting off any of your previous thoughts and turning them into mush.
“got you.”
☆ you’re just so cute when you look up at him like that, eyes wide like a bunny trapped in a wolf’s claws. it’s instinctual, really, so can you blame him for how turned on he gets? the thrill of the chase and claiming his catch is in his blood.
so it’s no wonder that he claims you there and then, not bothering to move to the bedroom and instead humping into you from behind.
“so tight.” he groans, his voice nearly sounding like a growl. “feels s’good every time.”
he bites down on your shoulder, groaning and fighting off every urge to immediately go hard and rough. he still knows you’re smaller, and it shows in the way you whine when your pussy stretches and flutters around him, struggling to take him in.
☆ when you finally do adjust, rip to any kind of movement or function below your waist for the rest of the night. you will be numb and sore for days.
one of his hands easily has your wrists pinned together, pressing your arms against your chest while he uses his other arm to guide your hips. it’s incredibly easy for him to do, lifting you up before bouncing you back down on his cock at a ruthless pace.
you’re not sure what to do with yourself, head drooping and legs twitching and flailing while he has you completely restrained by your torso. he was hitting so deep, you’re sure you can feel it in your throat with every thrust.
his nails dig into your sides, not breaking the skin but still leaving irritated scratches along the surface while his mouth continues to hotly lick and bite into the skin at the juncture of your neck.
☆ it’s not until a mix of your cum is dripping out of you, trailing down your thighs and onto the floor beneath you that he finally calms down, whispering apologies in your ear while leaving sloppy kisses on your jaw.
“sorry, babe,” he pants, heart thrumming in his chest against your back. “i don’t know what came over me.”
he once again picks you up, carrying you bridal style in his arms as he kisses every scratch and bite mark he left behind before cleaning you up and snugly tucking you under him in bed.
Tumblr media
𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇 | size kink, manhandling, breeding, praise
☆ he is tall and he is stupidly strong. he would never ever use his strength to hurt you, but he still loves how much smaller than him you are. he thinks it’s adorable, how easily he can throw you over his shoulder, or how he can flip or bend you whichever way he wants.
you had let out a startled squeak when garroth had scooped you up as soon as you entered your home, wasting no time before the front door had even shut.
he had carried you with ease to your bedroom, tossing you onto the mattress without even slightly gasping or struggling for breath. when his long, thick fingers met your folds to prepare you, he was surprised to find you were already soaked in your slick.
“does me throwing you around like that really make you this wet, baby?” he smirked, slapping his erect cock onto your stomach, admiring how the tip nearly reached your navel.
☆ he knows he has to be careful, with his unnatural strength. but it’s so hard, especially with how your cunt greedily sucks him in, fluttering as you struggled to adjust to his size.
“fuck,” he hisses, his fingers roughly gripping the sheets by your head. “relax, sweetheart. or it’ll never fit.”
“ ‘m trying!” you whine, never getting used to the stretch even after all of the times you’ve gone through this process before.
☆ as soon as you finally do adjust and he bottoms out, you find yourself practically folded in half as he pounds into you, his hips slamming against your thighs.
his eyes focus on your lower abdomen, fascinated at the bulge that appears every time he slides himself back into your walls. his hand is large and warm, something that overwhelmed you as he pressed down against your stomach.
your legs shake and spasm against his hands as your eyes roll and your head lulls back. a sign, garroth has learned, that showed you were close to tipping over the edge.
“are you gonna cum, baby? yeah?” he pants in your ear, his pace stuttering. “go on. do it for me, i know you can. mhmm, good girl.”
as you tighten and flutter around him he lets out a broken moan himself.
“you gonna let me cum inside? you’d look so cute pregnant. you gonna let me fill you up? make you a mommy?”
☆ he buries his face into your shoulder when he reaches his peak, strong hands holding you in place as his hips jerk and press into you. his grip would probably leave bruises, ones that he’d individually kiss and apologize for when you were done.
a deep, husky groan vibrates against your throat as he stills, and his hot release shoots up, coating your insides white. you’re still catching your breath when he places sloppy kisses against the crook of your neck, lowering your legs and massaging your hips.
“you did so good for me, sweetheart.”
Tumblr media
𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄 | degradation/teasing, spanking, dacryphilia, dumbification
☆ you really should know better than to try and tease and be bratty to him, because it always ends the same. though, you did know better, because he always reacted exactly how you wanted.
you whine into the sheets your face was shoved in, your grip white-knuckled against his pants as you were splayed across his lap. your back arched against his long hand that held you in place, while his other one cracked down against your reddened ass once again.
your hips jerk against the leg you were bent over as you muffle your moans.
“where’d your claws go, kitty?” gene questions, gently soothing the irritated skin with his lithe fingers before delivering another harsh slap. “you were talking all tough earlier, weren’t you?”
☆ he lifts you up, keeping your head face first in the bed while he raises your ass up in the air, pushing himself into you. he gives you just enough time to adjust before he’s started a merciless rhythm, your moans and cries stuttered and jolted every time he slams into you.
“poor thing…” he turns your face to the side, kissing the tears of pleasure from your cheeks and licking his lips with a grin. “just keep taking it. can you at least do that? hm?”
you nod, gasping and eyes rolling as the thick vein running along his shaft continues to hit that one mind-shattering spot inside without fail. you’re not sure how many times you’ve came now, but the soaked sheets and sticky feeling against your thighs was enough of an indication.
“good doll,” his thumb from the hand that firmly held you down between your shoulder blades rubbed soothing circles on your skin—a sharp contrast to his rough and unwavering pace.
“yeah, you’re too sweet to be tough, aren’t you?” he tilts his head, laughing at how your attempt to tease and one-up him once again ended with you drooling underneath him. “sweet thing.”
☆ he’s the type to mock your moans as he has you bent over and nearly unconscious, his deep voice pitching higher as he whines and gasps in your ear.
“ah~! mmn~! aah~!” he whines, a raspy laugh leaving his lips when he realizes you’re too fucked out to even respond.
“aww, can’t take it anymore? you should’ve thought of that before you started talking like you were all tough, huh?” he juts his lip out, giving you a look of fake pity as he continues to show no mercy in his pace.
☆ it’s not until he knows you really are at your limit that he finally slows down, brushing your hair back and kissing you as he rolls you over to lay on top of him.
“are you okay, lovely?” he whispers, holding your droopy head between his hands.
you sleepily nod, relieving his tense worry that he had been too rough on you. he wraps his arms around you and mutters for you to hold on as he carries you to the bathroom, whispering praises in your ear and peppering sweaty kisses against you.
Tumblr media
𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 | marking, overstimulation, orgasm control, begging
☆ you’d lost track of how long you’d been in bed, something that was a common recurring theme anytime laurance dragged you under the sheets with him. 
his hips leisurely roll down into yours as a lazy and overconfident smirk stayed cockily plastered on his face. he ducked his head  down into your neck, kissing casually on the exposed skin as if he wasn’t balls deep inside of you right now.
“laurance,” you whine in frustration, hips twitching and bucking up into his. “please.”
he bucks deeper into you, pinning your hips into the bed and preventing you from squirming any further. he tilts his head and hums innocently, lips brushing along your jaw and hovering over your lips.
“please what, my love?”
“move,” you demand, cheeks red and chest heaving.
he clicks his tongue disapprovingly, continuing to slowly grind into you as his lips trail away from yours, moving to nibble on your earlobe.
“well that’s no way to ask for something…” he purrs, voice vibrating against your ears.
“please, go faster, harder, something!” you grit, nails digging into his shoulders as he suddenly draws back and snaps back into you.
“good girl. keep begging for me like that and i might give you more.”
☆ the teasing fuck doesn’t actually keep to his promise until you’re a babbling mess from his slow movements, spasming on his dick while he’s barely gotten started. when you finally really beg for him, you almost regret asking for it. almost. 
“oh, fu-ah!” you cry out, hands reaching down to push on his waist in a futile attempt to slow him down. “slow down, laur—ance!”
laurance barely raises his head from where he has just been sucking on your chest, lovely red and purple marks forming on the sensitive skin. his eyes droop in satisfaction as he stares down at you, admiring your mussed hair and bleary expression.
despite your overstimulation, he continues the same unrelenting tempo, his length battering your insides as he smiles down at you.
“oh, but how could i after you asked me so nicely to speed up?” he asks, relishing in how you spasm around him as he coaxes yet another orgasm from you.
your eyes scrunch as you arch up into him, gasping and frantically steadying yourself by digging your fingers into his toned back. you see white as you gush and squirt around him, jaw dropping as you try to catch your breath.
you think you’re in the clear as his hips still against you, giving you a moment of reprieve to recover. as soon you open your eyes they blow wide open, a startled moan leaving your lips as he pulls out to the head and hastily snaps himself back in.
“c’mon, just one more for me? you can do one more.”
☆ “just one more” is never the case with laurance. it’s not until he himself has wasted his own energy that he finally collapses, leaving you both spent and satisfied against the sheets. 
he relishes in the afterglow, giving you sloppy kisses as if he hadn’t been doing that for the past couple of hours anyways. after his legs return their strength he carries you to the bathroom, knowing he once again left you sore and used.
he’s used to the scandalized gasp and harsh slap he earns on his chest when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. 
☆ he always leaves you with hickeys spanning from your neck down to your breasts. sometimes you’ll find them on your lower stomach and thighs… if he spends a little extra time on you that day. 
“laurance zvahl! how am i supposed to hide this?”
“by wearing my sweater again…” he giggles, rubbing his hands along your waistline.
Tumblr media
©starhvney, 2024. please do not steal or repost my works as your own.
629 notes · View notes
alwayssassydreamer · 24 days ago
Text
Stubborn Hearts, Gentle Touches
Tumblr media
A/N: thanks Ann for requesting a "fluff for Law. Maybe something along the lines of noticing he’s exhausted, and forcing him to rest? like the usual cuddles and things, Law starting out hesitant and softening eventually." Hope you like it. By the way your request was definitely not awkward 😉
Warnings: none, it's just fluff
Characters: LawxGnReader
As you passed by the captain’s quarters in the morning, you caught a glimpse of Law sitting at his desk, hunched over with his hand pressed against his forehead. The usual sharpness in his gaze had softened into something heavy, his eyelids drooping as he flipped through medical reports. It was obvious that once again he didn't rest.
It’s been days since you last saw him sleep properly, and the thought alone made your chest ache. You had tried suggesting he rest, but he was too stubborn, brushing off your concerns with the same determined look every time.
Watching Law push himself beyond exhaustion time and time again, had your sadness gradually shift to frustration. You knew how dedicated he is to his work, but seeing him refuse rest despite the toll it clearly took is too much. Gathering your courage, you stepped into the room, folding your arms and glaring at him as he continued scribbling away at his desk.
"Law," you said, voice sharper than usual.
He glanced up briefly, raising an eyebrow, but then returned to his work. You were not backing down this time.
“You know, for a doctor, you should know better than anyone how dangerous it is to push yourself this hard.”
He let out a sigh, sounding tired but also slightly annoyed.
“I know my own limits. I don’t need a lecture.”
You stepped closer, frustration bubbling over.
“Clearly, you don’t,” you snapped. “What’s the point of all your knowledge if you’re going to ignore it when it comes to yourself?”
But he ignored you and continued his work, leaving you even more frustrated. As you stomped out of the room you decided that maybe he will start listening to you by using his own words against him.
Later that day you approached him again. He was still at his desk probably with his 100th cup of coffee and most likely only breaks when he needed to use the bathroom.
“Law,” you started, an edge of annoyance in your voice as you approached his desk, crossing your arms.
“for a doctor, you should know better than to treat yourself like this. Running on no sleep and endless work is going to weaken your immune system and slow down your cognitive functions.” you continue as you stepped behind him a finger gently running along his shoulder.
He looked up, raising an eyebrow, though he was clearly not in the mood for a lecture and even less for you touching him.
“I’m fine. I can manage,” he muttered, but his voice lacked its usual conviction and you could feel the slight twich in his body under your touch.
"Fine? You call running yourself into the ground ‘fine’? Your concentration and reflexes will be the first to go, and if your immune system weakens, you’ll be even more susceptible to all the illnesses you’re exposed to daily. You would tell any of us this if we were overworking ourselves.” you stated as you leaned closer your hand gliding up and down his arm
He opened his mouth to argue, but you cut him off, giving him a look that’s both stern and pleading.
“You always say rest is essential for healing, right? You’re the one who taught me that the body can’t keep up without giving it time to recover. You’re the captain and the doctor. What would happen if you really couldn’t keep up in an emergency? Law, we need you at your best” you explained.
You placed both of your hands on his shoulder began kneading them, applying gentle pressure to the knots you could feel beneath his shirt. You heared the faintest intake of breath from him—a sign of surprise, but he didn't pull away. Emboldened, you kept going, your thumbs pressing in just the right spots, coaxing the tension to release.
He let out a quiet, reluctant sigh, and you could tell he was fighting his own stubbornness.
“You don’t have to…” he mumbled, but there was no real force behind his words
"I know but let me take care of you for once" you whispered in his ear your hot breath on his neck sent shivers down his spine.
Your hands moved a little lower, tracing gentle circles between his shoulder blades, a move that made him shift under your touch, visibly thrown off. For a few seconds, he was silent, the usual sharpness in his gaze softening.
“You’re really not going to give up, are you?” he finally murmured, his tone resigned.
"Not a chance" you said smiling.
"Come on and give in. Let me take care of you" you cooed into his ear.
You put out your hand smiling innocently. He hesitated for a moment but reluctantly he took it. You slowly guided him to his feet, leading him out of the office and into your room.
There you pushed him softly onto the bed. He gasped in surprise and tried to get back up but you didn’t let him.
"Lay down and relax" you teased.
Law watched you with a reluctant, skeptical gaze as he finally laid down on the bed, clearly unaccustomed to letting someone else take control—or, worse, letting someone else take care of him. His arms rested stiffly by his sides, muscles tensed as if he was waiting for some hidden catch.
You sat down next to him and carefully took his hand in yours. Your thumbs began working small circles into his palm, easing out knots of tension he probably didn't even realize he’s holding. After a moment, you moved to the other hand, repeating the slow, gentle motions until his fingers loosened in your hold. Then, with a soft smile, you started to playfully trace his tattoos, letting your fingertips glide along the inked lines.
You could feel the hesitation radiate off him. You were well aware that physical touch wasn't something he’s accustomed to, much less when he was so exhausted and vulnerable. But you didn’t move away.
You gave him a reassuring look and continued, letting your fingers drift softly from his knuckles to his forearm.
As you leaned down to press a delicate kiss to his fingertips, his breath hitched, and he tensed again, obviously not used to being treated with such tender affection. But you only smiled, moving your lips slowly, lovingly, from his fingers up towards his shoulder, each touch gentle enough to break through his carefully guarded composure.
"Close your eyes, Law,” you murmured softly. “Just relax.”
He hesitated, lips parting as if to argue, but after a moment, he relented, letting his eyes flutter closed. With his guard lowered, he was almost vulnerable—a side of him you’ve rarely, if ever, seen.
His face softened, and you continued your caresses, running your hands over his arms in long, gentle strokes, pouring as much warmth as you could into each touch. When you reached his cheek, you traced it gently, your fingertips gliding over the sharp lines of his face.
When you finally pulled a blanket up over him you smiled affectionately down at him as you felt a warmth bloom in your chest.
You thought he had drifted off as you slowly started to get up, ready to let him rest.
But just as you moved, you felt a hand grab your wrist. Glancing down, you saw Law looking up at you, his usual stoic expression softened with something you couldn't quite place. His grip wasn't tight, but there was a silent plea in the way he held you, a hint of vulnerability that told you he didn’t want you to leave.
“Stay,” he murmured, barely above a whisper, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin.
Without a word, you laid down beside him, allowing him to pull you close. His arm wrapped around you as he pulled you closer your head resting on his chest. You could feel his breathing, slow and steady as he finally let himself relax fully. For once, he was letting down his walls completely, allowing himself to sinkninto this moment.
You smiled to yourself snuggling into him as his grip around you tightened. You could feel his breathing deepen as he drifted further into a peaceful rest.
And, wrapped in his warmth, you realized that moments like these are as rare for him as they are cherished.
214 notes · View notes
starseungs · 3 months ago
Text
of fishes and chocolate muffins. ksm.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
kim seungmin x gn!reader — working the morning shift at a cafe on weekdays isn't really the best, entertainment wise. still, eavesdropping on your customers wasn't something you did on a daily basis. it just so happened that two of your regulars had something in store for you today.
GENRE/S — fluff, humor, a pinch of angst, cafe/coffee shop au, writer!seungmin (barely mentioned) • 1.2k words
WARNING/S — profanity for humor, seungmin is pretty down in the dumps for most of this, part 2 of this fic but a different y/n, mentions of unrequited love
( ✒️ ) happy birthday to @seungiepaws !! here's your request for a part 2 of universe lovie, i know i said i'll do a drabble as a gift but it ended up a little longer so you're getting a whole fic mwah <3 i hope you like it
2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.
Tumblr media
The small bell perched on top of the cafe’s entrance door chimed softly at the arrival of a new customer. Your well-rehearsed greetings immediately followed, words racing out of your lips before you could even think twice. It really didn’t matter whether you meant them or not. As long as the guest felt welcomed, then that meant you were already doing your job well.
You doubt any of them ever even acknowledged your efforts, anyway. That was just how the world worked on a normal Monday morning—everyone running on autopilot until the seemingly brainless hoard of zombies got their lethal dose of caffeine or sugar and started acting like proper functioning members of society for the rest of the day. Then, the cycle repeats.
As an “all-rounder” cafe employee (as you liked to call yourself), this was just another day in the bigger scale of the year. Not too important, nor was it a particularly boring day. That simply wasn’t possible if you were working at a cafe, or really, just working in general.
“You’re always here, dude.” An exasperated voice groans from the window booth next to the serving counter. You recognized his face right away as one of your regulars who looked like a hamster. “At this point, you need to pay this place rent.”
The man he was talking to rolled his eyes with a scoff, even though his fingers never stopped typing on his laptop’s keyboard. “I’m a paying customer. Objectively, I’m already giving them money to stay here.”
You couldn’t help but silently snort at the guy’s comeback. He wasn’t entirely wrong, after all. This cafe’s prices already took into account the amenities they could use here. So technically speaking, as long as customers bought something from the cafe’s menu, they could stay for as long as they want until the establishment closes. That’s not usually the case, though. Most people still had places to be and other things to do other than have a staycation on some random cafe seat.
Note that you said “most” instead of “all”. Of course, there were always bound to be those who, for the lack of a better description—overstayed their welcome. 
And one of them is that chestnut-haired male who was currently getting berated by his friend.
“Seungmin, seriously!” The other guy, who you finally remembered being named Jisung from his previous orders, exclaimed in concern. “You can’t just stay here all day, every day. I know you’re trying to get over your roommate, but at least make use of your rent?” Jisung almost pleads.
You really didn’t mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, as the topic seemed awfully private, but what exactly could you do from the close proximity of the counter and their booth? It’s not like you were judging the two of them. There was no harm intended, and you were sure you’d still go about your day as usual with or without this newly obtained knowledge from strangers.
Seungmin sighed. “I don’t think you want me to be cooped up in my room writing either, so what do you really want to achieve?” His hands finally parted ways from his keyboard for the first time in about an hour. “Jisung, you know being alone in the apartment is only going to remind me of how my roommate is out there with their boyfriend being all happy and enjoying life while I’m over here writing sappy fictional love stories because I don’t have one of my own.”
“Oh, but you do.” Jisung huffs. “It’s just the unrequited kind.”
“Haha, very funny.”
“Just saying,” he comments. “I’m gonna let you sulk all you want as part of your healing process, but you really shouldn’t be sacrificing yourself just for the thought of them. You deserve better, Min.”
If you could only agree out loud, then you already would’ve. Unfortunately, that meant revealing the fact that you’ve been secretly listening in to the personal conversations of your customers, and you weren’t completely sure if that was even legal for you to do so. Still, what are they going to do? Charge you for having ears?
“I don’t know,” Seungmin mutters. “I’ll manage it eventually.” And to this, Jisung only frowns.
Now, you were just as frustrated as Jisung was. Seungmin is an attractive guy—you were one hundred percent certain that he could get anyone head-over-heels for him if he wanted. And yet, here he was, a monotone mess over unrequited love? Whoever that roommate is, they had severely failed to see the vision since if that was you, best believe you weren’t letting him go just like that. 
Seungmin had honestly caught your eye ever since the moment he started going to this cafe. To put things into perspective, you were practically all smiles for the rest of the day every time he came to order something in the mornings before his daily schedule. When he started staying for whole days, it was only a matter of time before you ended up shooting your shot, even if you barely knew anything about him. Heck, the most you even knew about him was that he liked the chocolate muffins the most here!
A plate of chocolate muffin was heavily plopped down on the two men’s table, startling them due to the sudden act. They exchanged confused glances before Jisung cleared his throat to speak. “Uh—we didn’t order that.”
“It’s on the house.” You pursed your lips.
“What?” Seungmin asks, dumbfounded. You knew he was going to ask for a reason until he saw the look on your face while staring at him. His expression quickly shifted to one of mortification. “Were—were you eavesdropping on us?”
You clicked your tongue. How were you finding his reaction to that so cute? “Look, I didn’t mean to,” you explain. “See that counter? Just how far do you think my station is to your booth for me not to hear a single thing?” Seungmin only grumbles—probably to hide his embarrassment.
“Alright, sure. Whatever,” he says. “I still don’t need that muffin.”
Your eye twitched involuntarily. All of a sudden, you were already leaning on their table with narrowed eyes pointed at the laptop-facing man. “Okay, listen here, you soggy rained-on puppy.” You could have sworn you heard Jisung choke. “This is gonna sound really shitty of me, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. The same goes for your experiences in life. Trust me, you’re not even close to losing those opportunities yet. Unless you’re trying to live like a saint, that is. So grow some balls after your little pity party.”
“That was,” Seungmin exhales shakily. “Vaguely threatening. But somehow I’m not as offended as I thought I would be, so—uh, thanks?” He taps lightly on the plastic cup of his drink, looking away awkwardly.
You lifted yourself off the table and crossed your arms. “My name is Y/N. I work here every morning on the weekdays.” 
“Right,” he hums, still not glancing your way and instead facing the baked good you dropped by their tabletop. “So, is this muffin really free?”
All you let yourself give him was a nonchalant shrug. “Yeah. Just call me whenever or something. Congratulations on hooking a new fish,” you said without shame before walking away back to your station.
If you only looked back for a moment, you would’ve seen Jisung gasping for air from laughter with an incredibly red faced Seungmin blanking out as he held a serious staring contest with his muffin.
You could only hope that cheered him up a bit.
Tumblr media
MASTERTAG ━ STATUS: OPEN — ASK OR COMMENT 🫶
@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @wnbnny @xocandyy @minluvly @moon0fthenight @estellaluna @hanjsquokka @starlostastronaut @minsueng @l3visbby @myjisung
278 notes · View notes
theerurishipper · 3 months ago
Text
Superbat Week Day 3: Alien Biology
For @superbatweek2024
“I’ve been meaning to ask, how exactly is it that you fly?”
Clark looks at Bruce, eyebrow raised quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” Bruce starts, gesturing at Clark’s form as the man in question happily eats Chocos out of the box, “how exactly does it work? J’onn, for instance, levitates with the help of his telekinetic abilities. It would be useful to understand how it works for you.”
Clark then gives him a huge grin, eyes twinkling with either amusement or the option Bruce hates most: mischief. “It’s because I actually have invisible wings!”
“Clark.”
“No, it’s true,” Clark insists, eyes wide. “Kryptonian biology is very different from most species, you know.”
“Clark.”
“Fine, fine,” Clark huffs. “It’s no fun trying to pull the wool over your eyes, you know? You could throw me a bone every now and then.”
“Of course,” Bruce admits. “But where’s the fun in that?”
Clark throws his Chocos at him, grinning.
--
“Hey, Spooky!”
Bruce turns begrudgingly at the grating sound of Hal Jordan’s voice. He supresses the part of him that is curious. After all, Hal usually— and thankfully— avoids him for the most part. It gives Bruce a lot more peace in his day, but also has the unintended and unwelcome side effect of making him interested whenever the man swallows his pride to approach him.
“Did you know about this? Did you know and just decide to keep this from everyone?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Hal rolls his eyes. “I’m talking about Supes, man.” He looks around the empty corridor, and leans in closer to Bruce, voice dropping to a whisper.
“Did you know that he has invisible wings?”
It must be an effect of all the idiocy in the air around him, but it’s almost like Bruce can feel his thoughts coming to a screeching halt in his head.
“I… he what?”
The first thing that occurs to him when his brain begins to function again is that Clark is probably way prouder of this idea than he has any right to be. And apparently, for good reason, because Hal seems completely taken in.
Bruce hates being wrong. Especially about this.
“Yeah! He sorta mentioned it in passing… but damn, you think you know a guy, huh?”
Bruce says nothing. He simply watches Hal stand before him, rubbing his head in consternation. And in his fugue state, Bruce makes one of the most questionable decisions of his life.
“I knew.”
“What?” Hal shrieks. “You knew? And didn’t mention this to anyone?”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell.”
Hal frowns. “I guess…” Then he sighs, running a hand through his hair, frustration visible on his face. “I guess you’d know that, huh? And I can safely say that it’s the truth, cause you’re allergic to pranks and fun.”
“Goodbye, Jordan.”
--
By the end of the day, the whole Watchtower knows of Superman’s magical invisible wings. Bruce can hear the poorly hushed conversations flooding through the entire satellite.
“Batman said he had them, so it must be true!”
“Yeah, he hates fun, he’d never go along with it if it was a prank!”
If only they knew.
--
“—And now people keep asking if they can feel them!” Clark huffs, head resting on Bruce’s lap.
“Mm.”
“It was funny at first, and it still is… but now, I think it’s falling apart.”
Bruce pats his forehead. “All pranks come to an end. It’s an immutable fact of life.”
“It’s just too good to be over so soon!”
Bruce wisely keeps his thoughts about the quality of Clark’s pranks to himself. Instead, he looks up from his laptop to observe the silent pout on his face, and makes a few calculated decisions. Then he picks up one of Alfred’s cookies and tosses it at Clark’s face.
“What’s this for?” asks Clark, confusedly.
“I’m throwing this at you, in lieu of a bone.”
--
Bruce has faced many dangers throughout his career as a superhero. Dangerous criminals, the best martial artists in the world, magic users, and even literal demons. But this might be the hardest thing he’s ever done.
“You want me to make Clark a pair of…” Zatanna trails off, and looks back down at the piece of paper he’d handed her. “…invisible attachable magic wings?”
“Yes.”
Zatanna looks up at him, looking absolutely miserable.
“What did you do this time?”
Bruce bristles and glares. “Nothing.”
“If you’re in the doghouse, it’s best you fix whatever you’ve done on your own—”
“It’s not an apology present. I’m helping him with a project.” Zatanna looks mildly curious for a split second, and realization dawns on her face.
“So his invisible wings aren’t real?” she whispers, looking stricken.
Self-control. Bruce is a master of self-control. He will not raise his palm to slap it against his forehead. He will not give into that ever-present urge.
“Of course not.”
“Damn,” she murmurs, looking away as though revaluating her entire existence. Luckily for her, so is Bruce.
But she bounces back fairly quickly, which is only a credit to her character. “All right, I’m down.”
“Thank you.”
--
“You know,” Zatanna insists as she rolls up her sleeves theatrically, wand already held in her hand, “I’ve never seen you go the extra mile for a prank before. You really love him, don’t you?”
“…Just do the spell.”
--
Clark’s wings are a big hit. The Hawks are especially thrilled. Bruce loses just a little more faith in everyone’s competency per second.
But seeing Clark’s excited face as he beats his invisible wings and bamboozles everybody within arm’s reach makes it all worth it. Not that he would ever admit as much to the man himself.
But unfortunately (or fortunately, if Alfred is to be believed), Clark knows him too well for all that.
“How hard was it to ask Zatanna to make these for me?” When Bruce doesn’t reply, Clark just grins, his arms coming to wrap around Bruce from the back. “I bet it was hard. I know how much you hate asking for favours.”
“They aren’t permanent, so enjoy them while they last.”
“Sure, sure.” Clark stops speaking, and the Batcave is left in its natural state of silence.
“Thank you, Bruce.”
Bruce doesn’t turn to look at him. “It’s just a pair of wings. Zatanna made them in five seconds.”
“That’s not what I mean. I just—” Clark leans in closer, pressing himself against Bruce’s back, and Bruce can feel his warmth flooding through him.
“This was the silliest thing ever, but you went along with it anyway.”
“Clark.” Bruce turns himself around in Clark’s arms, and lays a hand on his face. “It’s not silly. If you found it amusing, who am I to get in your way?”
“I was so sure you found it… what’s the word you used? Juvenile?”
Bruce gives him one of his lesser, weaker glares. “And now you’ve decided that I’m an expert in comedy? After all the time I’ve spent projecting the opposite?” Clark just laughs, quietly, subdued in a way that leaves Bruce feeling profoundly uneasy.
“I guess…”
Bruce pats his head, ruffling through his hair. “Since when have you cared so much about what I think?”
Clark just looks at him, and then sighs, dropping his head down onto Bruce’s shoulder. “I always care about what you think,” he mutters. “Your opinion means the world to me.”
Bruce’s first thought is to tell Clark that his faith is misplaced. That Bruce isn’t as worthy of admiration or respect as Clark seems to think. That Clark is giving him far too much credit.
But there’s something in the way Clark says those words, quiet and heavy, that renders him speechless, unable to say anything; something that leaves him wishing that it could be true. And so, he just stands there, in Clark’s embrace, trying to convey all the things he can’t say.
It’s Clark who breaks the silence, obviously. “You know… if I told you I had invisible wings right now, that wouldn’t be a lie…”
“I suppose so.”
“I guess I am different from you today. Biologically. Even on the outside.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
 “So…” Clark lifts his head up to look at him, expression positively sultry. “There’s a lot of fun we could have with these. Don’t you think so?”
Bruce just looks into his eyes, and raises a hand to run his finger along the soft surface of Zatanna’s magical wings. He drags his hand back, and rests both his arms around Clark’s neck.
“Let it never be said that I don’t know how to have a good time.”
Clark laughs, and kisses him.
--
“You know,” Clark says, conversationally, idly messing with Bruce’s hair. “I might not have actually had magic wings, but you know what I do have?”
“A penchant for silly pranks?”
Bruce looks up to find Clark waggling his eyebrows, mayhem already gathering in his eyes. “Well, yes,” Clark says, “but I was thinking more along the lines of horns that can detect lies. What do you think?”
Bruce just sighs, and buries his face in Clark’s shoulder. “I can’t lie to your horns. That’s a terrible idea.”
“So…”
“Fine. Let’s do it.”
---
Read on AO3
215 notes · View notes
ichimerapunk · 7 months ago
Text
I’m kind of surprised I haven’t seen any fanfics that run on the idea that Alfred is a ghost? (Either as like the main focus of the story, or just a subplot.)
Think about it.
A lot of stories kind of have Alfred as being this eternally elderly man regardless of how old everyone else in the story is. The man doesn’t seem to age!
More importantly, where does he get the time and energy to do all the stuff he does to keep the manor and the family functional? He somehow manages to keep the giant house that is the Wayne Manor in order despite how many people live there plus his added duties thanks to the family’s vigilante lifestyle? When exactly does this man sleep? Also, I always find it amusing how in stories Alfred seems to always be cooking but it’s rare to actually show him eating himself.
What if someone plays with the idea of him not needing to sleep, eat, etc. because he is a ghost?
I just kind of imagine the idea of Alfred getting up one morning to start the day and nothing seems amiss either to himself or the rest of the family; however, when he retires to his quarters for the night he discovers his body laying still and cold where he had left it. (Could you imagine him, after coming to accept he is a ghost, just… getting rid of his own body and going about life as usual and never telling anyone in the family?)
Maybe I just find the idea of Alfred, rather than passing on, just continuing to take care of his family like nothing has changed touching, if in a morbid way.
The idea could, technically, be construed as the rest of the family not paying Alfred any mind or taking him for granted so much they don’t notice he died, but in my head its more of a fluffy/humorous thing where Alfred is just very good at hiding his ghostly nature from anyone.
This story idea doesn’t even have to necessarily be a Danny Phantom crossover. It’s just that this fanfic idea was spawned out of this brief scene idea of Danny coming to live at the manor (insert any other story plot as to why), and both Alfred and Danny clocking each other immediately. (The idea included Danny fretting over asking Alfred about it but being afraid Alfred might not know he’s dead, and Alfred noting Danny is half-ghost but his only concern is that anyone living under his roof is cared for.
(If I didn't already have a dozen or more story ideas sitting in folders not yet completed, I'd kind of want to brainstorm on this more because I think its a cool concept?)
345 notes · View notes