#i don’t have the capacity to do it myself :(
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Regardless of who wins the Vampire Fuckability Poll, I think we can agree that what we ALL need is some kind of fanwork featuring Lestat de Lioncourt and Lazslo Cravensworth at each other’s throats arguing about which of their spouses is the more fuckable.
#interview with the vampire#what we do in the shadows#nadja of antipaxos#louis de pointe du lac#wwdits#iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#lazslo cravensworth#i don’t have the capacity to make it myself but i’m putting it out in the world in case someone does
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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Hey! So what the fuck! 😀
#HOSHINA RENO NARUMI ANYONE GET THERE PLEASE#NOT MY GIRL MINA#SAVE HERRRRR#WHY DID I HAVE TO START THE MANGA NOW#WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF#yes there was some interesting stuff at the beginning but like i don’t have the capacity to care about that rn#ashiro mina#kn8 manga spoilers#kaiju no. 8 manga spoilers#kn8 ch 114#kaiju no. 8#kn8
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tmi fact of the day that i usually end up untucking my shirt and unbuttoning my pants under it when i’m done eating whenever i go out to dinner
#i don’t even stuff myself i just have an extremely low stomach capacity#so i inevitably end up doing this#spirit shenanigans
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anyway i haven’t talked abt this a lot on here but i am realizing lately. that the last eight-ish months. i have been kinda going through a slow-motion breakup with the person i had been anticipating my future with for many years. which. contextualizes a lot i think. about how bad i’ve been doing.
#she will always be one of my best friends. but i also readily thought of her as my life partner in a lot of ways.#and it’s not like we were in some codified partner relationship. but that’s how she Functioned for me. we did everything together.#and she has found someone else she plans to do life with now.#and i don’t begrudge her that. i want her to be happy.#and i know she loves me.#it’s just been hard for me. to adjust to.#like. we’re not actually broken up. she’s not Gone. nobody Left. she’s always going to be in my life in some capacity.#but i am having to significantly readjust my support system to accommodate a lot Less of her#both now and in the future.#it’s hard to have your Primary Person suddenly take a much different role in your life.#my codependency issues have made this whole situation rly hard for me to parse. but i need to like. give myself some credit.#it’s hard. and it’s okay that it’s hard. it doesn’t make me wrong or bad.#izzy.txt
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mickey altieri is so hot i wish there were more fics with him😭😭
#esp him and randy like oh LORD#ive read the same fics 1000 times over#i don’t have the capacity to do it myself :(#mickey altieri#scream 2#mickey altieri x reader
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no matter what happens they can never take this from me
#hotd critical tw#♢ ooc. ⊱ ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞#notice how it says in HER thrall#i said I wouldn’t rant anymore so I won’t but I just 💀#I just#I hate how they’ve victimized her to demonize d.aemon#he’s done plenty you don’t have to fucking do that especially when it comes to the woman who#was actually his partner in a lot of things lol like b&c is a prime example#that’s all I’ll say I must restrain myself for my mental health I do not have the capacity to type out all my thoughts tonight
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I hate when I see a post that maybe has helpful information, but it’s so full of guilt tripping, calling people who don’t know the information stupid, and calling people who haven’t been talking about that particular problem stupid, that I don’t feel comfortable sharing it.
#sharing information on what to do about the environment? GOOD. yes. please do that#implying the website full of people who spent yesterday begging each other not to commit suicide is selfish and hates the earth? fuck you#obviously I’m not gonna say this on the actual post and if you know what post I’m vagueing don’t fucking talk to them about it#the op of that post doesn’t need my grumpiness#but just like. Idk a lot of people were busy worrying about immediate survival yesterday#like ‘live through the next 48 hours’ level immediate#today is when I’ve seen more informational stuff going around on surviving the next 2-4 years#so acting like people are too selfish to care about the planet when they haven’t talked about climate change (yet) is just baffling to me#like. sorry I didn’t bring up stuff I was too busy worrying I was gonna lose some friends to a permanent sleep#and like. trying to keep myself from spiraling down similar paths#so I didn’t have the brain capacity to go ‘wow. I need to come up with concrete actions to help the environment’#and I definitely didn’t have the capacity to go ‘wow I need to write about my thoughts on climate change in a coherent tumblr post’#I had the capacity for 1) keeping myself too busy to think about death and 2) keeping a couple other people too busy to think about death#and I succeeded! at least for now. and that’s something
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the mobile app does NOT want to let me to post from my drafts wtf
#trying to reblog a musing post I stashed earlier today & it is not having it#it did this to me last night too like what the hell#like it's not a big deal but it sure is annoying lmao#anyway. I....... am exhausted after a day of appointments & shit so. still no writing from me tonight#but I am eyeing my drafts more and more ok I am willing myself to have the energy & mental capacity to do some stuff in the next few days#I'm hoping my brain will cooperate 🤞#in the meantime..... love y'all 💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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today i got told by sgb that my expectations for friendship are too high/i guilt my friends to see them after pointing out that i haven’t seen some of my friends in awhile and sometimes it feels like a friendship of convenience…honestly want to kms crush all my desires until they’re specks of dust and i no longer exist materially in the world
#he’s not the first friend to tell me that in the last year…first friend is my colllege bff who i was expressing my upset/grief for her not#reaching out last october when so much was happening re: palestine and on my university campus in particular and said that i hold her to a#higher standard than my other friends#i feel crushed#he asked me what i was doing for my birthday and i already felt too ? asking him if he would come bc being rejected by him to spend time#with me is worse than not asking at all#and now he wants to see me twice this week bc he feels bad and i don’t want to see him at all#i really don’t know at what level or capacity to keep my expectations because i feel like a monster no matter what#too aggressive too full of emotions too many expectations#i have made myself so small i barely exist to others and that’s still too much#sgb#feeling heartbroken all over again i need to disappear actually#anyways…my other friends really helped but it’s so hard not to internal some of these things as truths about yourself
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feeling in a weird place atm, brought on by having to empty my wardrobes and storage and temporarily clear all the furniture out of my bedroom - I’m looking at all the things I’ve collected over all the years and thinking! Like! Does this represent me! Do I still want to display this!
A strange feeling, like I want to take almost everything down and put it into storage but also like I’m not sure what I want to replace it with, not sure how I really feel about it (do I just feel a little detached in general at the moment or is it truly that I’ve grown past the person I was when each thing came into my life), not sure
I’ve collected so much *stuff* that’s still precious to me and also things that I’m keeping because it would be expensive to replace them but also feeling like. I could get rid of so much of this. Should I. Would it hurt me later if this is just a temporary feeling :P
What I’m probably going to do is wait until my work on my room is done and then assess everything I’m bringing back in.
But strange and dramatic feeling like I’m not that person any more but I don’t feel like I have a concrete (as much as it’s possible to) vision of a new or different thing.
#definitely interacting with health stuff also bc it’s like. I’m on hold for so much and not feeling like I can do much so I feel stuck and#like I’m not really In The World.#not Doing Bad per se but like. not feeling myself too.#and then there’s the gender. but we don’t have any sort of capacity to look at THAT! :P
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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I know I don’t have to make this an announcement but I promise I’ll start writing more again 😭 I’ve just finally worked out the ending for my novel and I’ve had a lot of crocheting orders to complete but I think about writing everyday I prommy 😭
#I noticed I lost a good amount of followers and I felt so bad bc I know it’s from the lack of posting#but it’s like when I do post I don’t get as much interactions as I used to so I put it on the back burner#and then get insecure and in my head :((;;#but I will start writing more next week!!!#I’ve also noticed that long fics don’t tend to do as well on here#so I might stick to just short little things#I’ve had quite a few ideas I’ve written done but just haven’t written in full capacity yet#also bc this prozac is Working + it makes me tired very early when I tend to write at night#so bc I’m sleeping by 11/11:30 I just don’t write as much#I know I don’t have to explain myself in order to still be apart of fandoms but!!!!#I just wanted to say something bc it made me very sad!!!! lmfao#I do miss writing fun fandom stuff tho and will get on top of it 🫡#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better
#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow#Seven’s Small Thoughts#not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary#and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much#i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know#i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else#which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways#and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog#i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t#nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty#anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic!#anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah#i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently#it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy#maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get#i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller#and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!!#so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available#which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless#that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine#trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip#i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly#eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it
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TW: weight gain talk below
Over the last four years, I have gained about 20 pounds
It feels like so much, I literally have not seen these weight numbers and clothing sizes since I was younger, legit over a decade ago
Which fine, breathe in and back out right? Sure, but I’m not actively trying to recover, I’m just being supported by healthy ideals that isn’t just someone force feeding me and threatening to leave me
Cory doesn’t make me feel any one way about my body. The discomfort is my own doing, he’s just happy when I choose healthy over not. That being said, he goes about things in the right way
I’ve been struggling lately and I make comments all the time about my discomfort, and rather than just dismiss me, I get the chance to talk it out and hear a healthy response back
I am massively struggling with this gain and just hoping it’s not going to be an always thing. I can’t just always be gaining weight
I am very disordered and I know this and I know it is why people tend to disappear from my life. That’s fine. I get it.
I don’t really have a good way to end this post. Nothing profound to say, really. It’s all just regurgitated thoughts I’ve had over the past few months, so excuse the rambling
#thoughts#tw#tw weight gain#tw numbers#pictures are from today#I feel so cringe lol#my response to my own weight gain is what makes people distance because I handle that shit in panic mode#I want everyone else in my life to be happy and healthy#whatever that looks like for you in logical capacities#but my words towards my weight gain are not words to anyone else’s#I don’t view others the same as myself#I don’t have standards for others#do ya thing be you
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Antis, this blog is not a safe space for you.
#vaguepost#the audacity#(if you interpret this as me being a CSA apologist/against the AoC that is a you problem#and you can fuck right off with that too#if you want to be bigoted at least don’t do it in front of survivors#of extremely horrendous (often adultist) abuse in the name of your same ideology#while not even having any fucking idea what damage you’re doing thinking you’re supported here)#people I find over and over and over again have a tremendous capacity for cruelty#if some other anti-c can go talk to them that would be helpful but I’ve been abused too many times to do any more of that myself
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