#feeling heartbroken all over again i need to disappear actually

[dreaminterlude]

today i got told by sgb that my expectations for friendship are too high/i guilt my friends to see them after pointing out that i haven’t seen some of my friends in awhile and sometimes it feels like a friendship of convenience…honestly want to kms crush all my desires until they’re specks of dust and i no longer exist materially in the world

[moonstruckme]

hi! i've been stalking your page for literal hours and i love how you write poly marauders so much!! could you write how they would react to the reader coming home from a night out with a black eye or something like that?? <33333

Thank you lovely! And thanks for being so patient while I took literal months to get to this request haha, love you! <3

cw: reader is drunk and has a black eye

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.2k words

“Hey, gorgeous,” Sirius says as you come in the door. Remus shushes him, and he lowers his voice. “How’re the girls?” 

“Good,” you reply, cautiously quiet as you kick off your shoes. 

Rounding the couch, you see James asleep on Remus’ shoulder, a small puddle of drool soaking into the material of the taller boy’s pajama shirt. They’re all in pajamas, actually. Envy strikes you through the heart. They look so unbearably cozy, better than you in your scratchy jeans and too-tight top. 

“I hope you didn’t wait up,” you say as Remus flips his book closed, and Sirius chuckles. You’ll learn later that you’d been slurring your words. 

“We don’t mind,” Remus confirms your suspicions. “You didn’t walk home by yourself, did you?” 

You shake your head, flopping into the spot beside James on the couch. Only you hadn’t quite thought that through, and Remus tuts as he starts to rouse. 

“Sorry,” you whisper. “Um, the girls dropped me off out front.” 

Sirius nods his approval. James hums as he picks his head up off Remus’ shoulder, spotting you. 

“Hey, lovie.” He transfers his affections to you, wrapping his arms around your neck and letting himself weigh heavily against your front. You giggle, your favorite monkey. “Did you just get home?” 

“Uh-huh. Oh, Jamie!” You gasp as a memory makes its way out of the fog of your brain. “I saw something you would have loved.” 

“What’s that?” he asks. 

“We came across a dog park, and I didn’t even know those could be open at night but—” 

“No, angel.” He’s stopped hugging you, an unpleasant development, one of his hands leaving your neck to hold your cheek. “What’s that on your face?” 

“Hm?” You don’t remember anything getting on your face. “I dunno. Jamie, I’m trying to tell you about the puppies.” 

“Just hold on, darling, sorry. Is that a bruise?” 

“What?” Sirius is in front of you before you know what’s happened. Vampire-fast, you think fascinatedly, wondering if he’d have been a streak across your vision had you bothered to look. Though, to be fair, your vision is generally streaky at the moment. He takes your chin in his hand, tilting it up and to the side. “Remus, point your light here.” 

There’s a low creaking as Remus adjusts his reading lamp, and then you’re squeezing your eyes shut. 

“Jesus, what the hell?” 

Remus curses softly, and you squint to see him leaning closer to you. Your boyfriends’ faces crowd your vision like a three-headed monster. 

“Baby,” Sirius says, sounding heartbroken, “what happened?” 

“I don’t—can you move the light away?” 

More creaking, and you can see again. You blink, eyes watery, and Sirius lays a painstakingly gentle thumb over the skin beneath your eye. 

“It must be bad if it’s already bruising,” he says. 

Remus stands. “Then we should put ice on it.” 

You pout as he disappears into the kitchen, but Sirius recaptures your attention by turning your face toward his. 

“I need you to think.” He fixes his stare on yours gravely. His eyes are the color of the moon reflecting off water. You try to tell him so, but his frown doesn’t abate. “Listen,” he says, “what happened to hurt your eye? You have to remember.” 

You purse your lips, shaking your head at him. “I feel like I’d know if something happened,” you say self-assuredly. “It’s probably just makeup. Can you get me a wipe?” 

“Angel.” James’ eyebrows have hooked upwards in the middle. He’s looking uncharacteristically serious, too. Your boyfriends are really not being a ton of fun tonight, you think. “It’s all red and purple. You can’t tell me that doesn’t hurt, babydoll.” 

You shrug. That may be so. But if it doesn’t hurt, who really cares? 

Sirius gets up just as Remus comes back with what looks like a balled-up dish towel. He passes it to you with a tender look on his face. 

“Put this on your eye, honey,” he says. Then, “Sirius, love, where are you going?” 

“To call Evans.” 

You touch the cloth to your eye, but it’s freezing cold, and you opt to let it rest in your lap instead.

“She won’t even be home yet,” Remus argues. “And what do you think you’ll accomplish if you do get ahold of her? She can’t tell us anything now that she won’t still know in the morning.” 

“What if somebody did this to her? If Evans saw, I want to know about it tonight.” 

“Don’t you think,” James says, “that if someone hit her, the girls would’ve come in and told us?” You lean against his side, and he wraps an arm around you automatically, rubbing your shoulder. He smells like strawberries and laundry detergent and something ineffably homey. “They wouldn’t have just dropped her off out front.” 

“What if no one saw?” 

“Then what do you think calling will do, love?” 

“I just…I feel like I have to do something. Don’t you?” 

You lean your head on James’ shoulder and snuggle into the familiar sounds of your boyfriends’ voices, overlapping and intermingling. You don’t realize they’ve gone quiet until Remus’ hand wraps around yours, and you open your eyes. 

“You’ve got to actually hold this on your eye,” he chides lovingly, taking the dish towel from you and pressing it to your face. 

The edge of something hard beneath the cloth digs into a tender spot beneath your eye, and you flinch. “Ow.” 

Remus’ forehead creases sympathetically. “Sorry.” 

But the pain brings another memory out of the fog. You pick your head up as you feel your good eye widen in realization, meeting Sirius’. 

He flicks up an eyebrow. “What’re you smiling about?” 

“I remember what happened,” you admit, a touch of embarrassment to your tone. And if you hadn’t had everyone’s attention before, you do now. 

“What was it?” James rubs your shoulder reassuringly. “You can tell us.” 

“It’s…when we were at the dog park, I got distracted.” 

Remus’ eyes narrow. “Go on.” 

You rub your lips together self-consciously. “I may have walked into a sign. About poop bags.” 

James leans away from you to see you better. “Like, a metal sign?” 

You nod, and he winces. 

“Ouch, lovie.” 

“Fucking hell.” Sirius covers his face with both hands, loosing a big breath through the cracks in his palms. Remus reaches back to pats his leg consolingly. “I was ready to go after whoever did that with a tire iron.” 

You shrink into the couch cushions. “Sorry.” 

“You could still take a tire iron to the sign, I suppose,” James says. 

Sirius ignores him, crouching in front of you and taking your face in both hands. Remus lets the cloth drop rather than maneuver around him. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, understand?” 

“Yeah,” James agrees, “if you injure yourself in the future, ask for a pen and make a note on your arm or something. Save us the worry.” 

You lean forward, pressing a lingering, heartfelt kiss to Sirius’ cheek. 

“Thanks for worrying,” you say, and where your lips touched him the skin glows pink. 

“You’re taking years of my life, you know,” he says quietly. 

Remus chuckles. “Don’t worry. It looks good on you.” 

[polkadotpenguin16]

The Five Stages of Grief: Denial

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x female reader

Tags: more angst; language

Word count: 1,871

Previous parts: Prologue

You went from crying on your bathroom floor to your best friend’s kitchen. Floors seemed to be the best place for a mental breakdown. Your friend wasn’t much of a drinker, but she did have a couple boxes of white wine meant for cooking. She said this was a much better use.

It did the trick.

You couldn’t believe you just walked away from Sonny like that. But you felt like you had no other options. You’ve spent far too long in relationships, both romantic and platonic, being someone’s second choice. Waiting for them to choose you. You couldn’t do it again.

“And he just stood there trying to explain why he just HAD to help AMANDA tonight.” You were retelling the night’s events, a little tipsy from the shitty wine. “How could he think that was okay? Spending all night at some other woman’s house?! How can someone be so smart, and so cute, and so…fucking stupid?”

“Probably all that hair gel,” she suggested nonchalantly. “Too thick to let any commonsense in.”

That made you snort through your nose. She was always good at making heavy situations feel lighter.

“I’m really sorry, girlfriend. You deserve better.” She tenderly rubbed your shoulder, trying to soothe your broken heart. “But you know Sonny. He’s a little…thick…but he’s got a big heart. He just wants to help everyone. That’s why you fell in love with him, remember? Sonny the Superman?”

“Whatever.” You took another swig from the box. “It’s probably better this way.”

“Hey, now, you don’t mean that—”

“I DO mean that! I was never good enough for him!” You were getting animated, spilling wine everywhere. “You’re right—he’s Superman. He needs to be with somebody just as super. Someone he can fight crimes with. Or talk about his lawyer-y stuff with who actually understands him. I mean, who knows what the hell he’s talking about? He should come with a translator. And build a perfect life with them. Y’know, the two-and-a-half kids, a dog, and the white picket fence and shit!”

You started crying again. How did you have any tears left? “He deserves the best. And she’s it! Hell, he’s probably been in love with her since they met. Why he settled for a nobody like me in the first place, I’ll never know. I’m no superhero. My power is organizing spreadsheets and tripping over my own feet. He could have Wonder Woman. Why would he want to be stuck with…whoever the fuck Superman’s lame girlfriend is!”

Your friend was quiet, letting you vent and trying to find the right words. “I know it seems that way right now.” She softens her voice, forcing you to listen more intently to hear her. “That this is all doom and gloom. Just give it time. Have some grace. His love is genuine, and he never considered it settling. You’ll work everything out.”

Resting your head against the refrigerator, you sighed. “I don’t think this can be fixed, girl. Maybe…maybe it shouldn’t be.”

She leaned in for a hug, wrapping you tightly in her embrace. You sob into her shoulder, deeply leaning into her for support. You sat silently for a while, the same thought echoing over and over in your mind.

Maybe it’s better this way…

Sonny was brought out of his trance by his alarm buzzing. He hadn’t slept at all. He just kept replaying what happened last night. It was in crystal clear high-definition in his head. How heartbroken you were. How hurt you were.

Then you just disappeared.

He hoped you’d text him when you got to your friend’s place like he asked. For his peace of mind and a sign that you didn’t completely hate him. Anxiously staring at his phone for much longer than he knew it would take you to get there, it felt like his heart was going to erupt from his chest. The list of horrific things that could’ve happened to you was getting too long. Desperate, Sonny texted your friend. He just had to know where you were. It wasn’t until after 2 in the morning that he got a reply.

Yeah she’s here.

Well, at least he knew you were safe. Still uneasy, he dared to ask if you were okay. Deep down, he already knew the answer, and it was reinforced by her response.

You think she’d be here if she was okay? Give her some time. When she’s ready, you better fix this mess you made.

This disconnect was torturing him. He wanted to fix things now. But your friend was right. He resigned himself to waiting until you came back later.

He tries his best to put himself together and heads to the precinct. Dragging his feet, he stumbled into the bullpen.

“You get hit by a bus on the way?” Rollins immediately noticed his haggard appearance. “You look like crap.”

“Good morning to you, too,” he muttered sitting at his desk, head in his hands, trying to collect himself.

“What, your girlfriend kick you out or something?” Fin joked from his seat.

“Actually, she left last night.”

“Wait, really?” Rollins was surprised to hear this. He made the two of you sound like a fairytale love story. You were his favorite topic and would bring you up in every conversation he could. She wondered what could have changed.

Fin glared at him suspiciously. “Whaddya do?”

Sonny took a deep breath. “I, uh, forgot about our date last night, and I, sorta…stood her up.” He was mentally kicking himself for being such a moron. The guilt made his stomach churn and his head throb.

“Dude...” Fin sat back in his chair and leered.

“I know, I know. I was helping Rollins, and I just—I spaced it. She packed a bag and went to stay with her friend.”

“That’s a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?” Rollins tilted her head back and forth as she weighed out his actions. “But I get why she’d be upset. You should’ve told me you had plans, Carisi.”

Sonny buried his face deeper into his hands, feeling even guiltier.

“Stood her up? She ain’t ever gonna forget that, man,’” Fin remarked, rubbing salt into his wounds.

“But it’s gonna be fine.” Sonny sat up with a newfound determination. “We’ll talk tonight when she gets back. I’ll beg for forgiveness, and it’ll all work out.”

Rollins looked at him skeptically. “You sure about that?”

“Of course, I’m sure!” He huffed, astonished she would even ask. “Couples fight, it’s natural. They kiss, they make up, and things go back to how they were.”

“Most fights don’t include the girl leaving in the middle of the night,” Fin pointed out.

“She just—she needed some time to cool down.” You’ve always been able to resolve your arguments. They’d never been this intense before, but Sonny was confident this was all going to blow over. “She’s gonna come home and we’ll talk. I’m gonna fix this, and this will all have been a horrible dream.”

“If you say so.” Sounding unconvinced, she returned to her laptop.

Luckily, it was a slow day at the station. A rarity as of late. Sonny busted his hump finishing all his paperwork so he could ask Benson if he could head out early.

“Leaving so soon?” Rollins questioned as he put on his coat.

“Gotta run to the store and grab some things for dinner. I want everything to be perfect when she gets back.”

“I’d be picking up some flowers if I were you,” Fin advised as he sipped his coffee.

“That too—the whole nine yards.”

“Well, best of luck to you,” she hollered as he sprinted toward the elevator.

He went to the store and picked up everything to make chicken marsala. It was the first dish he ever cooked for you. He bought extra ingredients so he would have enough leftovers for you to have lunch for work tomorrow.

He swung by the flower stand to pick up a bouquet of sunflowers—your favorites. He planned out his apology in his head on the way back. Thinking of all the ways he messed up and how he would rectify them.

When he got home, he called out to you, but didn’t hear a response. Setting the bags down, he looked around the apartment to see that you weren’t home yet. Concerned, he checked his watch. It was a little early. You were probably still at work. He unpacked the groceries and started preparing dinner.

After washing the produce and still no sign of you, worry started to creep in. He knew you needed some space last night, but surely, you’d come back soon. He was positive you missed him as much as he missed you. So, he decided to send you a text.

Hey doll, what time are you coming home? Getting dinner on the stove and want it to be ready when you get back.

There was no answer. Five minutes turned into ten. He chopped up the mushrooms and garlic and let them sauté in the pan before checking his phone. There was still nothing. He opened a bottle of beer to help settle his nerves. It was half-way gone when he checked again.

Still, nothing.

Not wanting to panic yet, he texted you again.

I’m sorry about last night. I really need to talk to you. I miss you.

Several more minutes passed. He could see the messages labeled as “read” on his phone. You just weren’t responding. Skipping past panic and going into full-blown hysteria, he fumbled with his phone trying to call you. He paced around the kitchen anxiously while listening to the phone ring.

Once. Twice. Three times.

He heard the call pick up after the fourth ring. But he couldn’t hear anyone on the other end. “Doll?” He asked hesitantly, wondering if you had actually answered.

He barely heard a whisper, “…yes…”

“Doll, are you okay?! When are you coming home?” He was frantic, talking a mile a minute. “Please come back! I’m really sorry and have to talk to you—I need to explain. We’ve gotta work this out. Just please—I need you to come home!”

You silently wept while listening to him ramble. You wanted to believe this could all be fixed, but your heart was telling you it would be futile. The cycle would just continue. What would happen the next time someone else needed him? Would you be enough?

“I’m sorry…” You were barely able to get your words out. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?!” It felt like his whole world was slipping through his fingers. Like water through a sieve. He was unable to stop it or even slow it down. “We have to fix this! Please come home!”

“I love you, but I just…” The line went quiet. He called out your name once, twice, but it was useless.

You were gone.

Sonny had never felt so defeated in his life. Slumping against the counter, he slammed his phone down. His eyes started to feel wet. He stood in the kitchen and quietly cried, taken aback by the fallout of one night. One mistake. One forgotten date.

[sqpphos]

could you do an au of where Sejanus lives instead of dies but finds out coryo betrayed him (his only true friend betrayed him and left him heartbroken/extremely hurt) so he goes home and seeks comfort from burning that photo of him and snow (kind of inspired by the song burn from Hamilton) but he burns the photo and then sobs his poor heart out?

for my pretty boy sej <3 changed it up a bit to an x reader but they don’t have an important role, just some comfort for my boy bc he really needs it :(

this is very VERY messy and probably has a lot of typos because i literally wrote this at 5 am oops

the woods are hauntingly quiet, nothing but the sounds of fallen tree branches cracking under your feet and sejanus’ shallow breaths fill your ears.

“it’s just up here, lucy-gray said it would be.” he nods at you, holding your hand tight as you lead him on.

your heart breaks as you take a quick glance at him; sejanus’ eyes are puffy and red, his lips are swollen, and his cheeks are wet. he had been crying the whole trek over to the small cabin lucy had told you about. her voice rang in your head, “somewhere safe to hide.”

you never thought you would actually take up the offer. you never thought you’d have to flee from your home, leaving all you’ve ever known from district 12 behind. you never believed you would have been in this position.

not until coriolanus snow came into your life.

there wasn’t even a second to process what he had done or say your goodbyes before you were scrambling to pack your things, running away with sejanus before you’d be caught and never looking back.

coriolanus had the strength to betray his friend. he did not care for the danger he was puttinh sejanus in, or the fact that his best friend’s life would be on the line. for that you’d loathe him for eternity.

“there it is!” you softly call out as the wooden structure of the cabin comes into sight.

sejanus is silent the entire time, and it’s beginning to scare you. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him so broken, and you wish to never see it again.

he sits on the bed in the cabin, fidgeting with something in his hands. for the first time that night, he speaks up: “i need some air.”

it almost startles you. his voice is hoarse, nothing like the gentle, soft-spoken one you know and have etched into your brain. you don’t like it. sejanus walks out of the cabin before you could even respond.

he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he doesn’t know what he’s thinking. sejanus glances at the picture in his hand, and it rips up a new tear in his heart. he feels sick looking at the blonde boy in photo. there’s no hesitation in his movements as he lights it on fire, allowing the flame to crackle and eat away at the film.

sejanus’ shoulders shake as he cries, each sob tearing his chest apart. his throat burns as if he had just taken a drink at the hob, and his fingers are beginning to ache from the heat. sejanus watched as his only physical memory left of his one and only friend disappeared, letting the ashes fall and move with the wind.

coriolanus snow was dead to him.

your head perked up as sejanus walked back into the cabin, following his figure with your eyes as he took a seat next to you on the bed. he laid his head on your shoulder, dampening the sleeve of your shirt with the remaining tears that lingered on his face.

the two of you sit in silence. all you can think of is your future; a life away from district 12, away from panem, away from everything.

“you should rest, sej. we have to continue north when the sun comes up.”

it’s terrifying, but you have no choice.

[secretdestinypainter]

Healing up with my broken heart:

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

A long long time ago one of my closest friends Emily, went through a very terrible life experiencing a relationship, I Emily, went through my last breakup a few years ago. I thought I had paid my dues, cried my share of tears, and dealt with some deep wounds. I thought I was done. I was happy and in love, and talking about moving in with my friend.

One day we took a little vacation. We laughed and explored the desert excitedly talking about our dreams. Three days later I found myself sobbing on the floor of my tub, hot steam clouding around me.

Our breakup was quite beautiful aside from the shock and confusion. We looked into each other’s eyes. We smiled. We cried. We held each other. We said goodbye.

It might sound like we handled this well, and in many ways we did. We always respected one another. We never said anything hurtful or manipulative. I think that shows how much we loved and cared for one another.

But I was still a mess, deeply heartbroken and deeply depressed. It was the deepest depression I’d ever been in. I could do little more than cry and stare at the ceiling. Nothing in me wanted to stay in bed and nothing in me wanted to get out. It felt like torturous limbo with a crushing weight on my chest.

My mind couldn’t comprehend a day when I wouldn’t feel like this. Each night I fell asleep I prayed the morning would be different. But each day I woke up with a pang in my stomach and a heaviness in my heart.

Until one day I didn’t.

It wasn’t a miracle. My pain didn’t disappear in my sleep. But I started to feel better. The first day I was able to eat a little more. The next day I found myself laughing with a friend. I slowly started to be able to sleep longer hours and function more clearly. It was a snail’s pace, but it was progress.

If you’re going through a breakup right now the truth is that it will get better.

I needed to hear this over and over again from other people. When the pain is so intense it takes over everything. It’s very difficult to believe anything will change. I would call my mom in the mornings sobbing into the phone, “It still hurts. It’s not getting any better. Why does it still hurt?”

It’s supposed to hurt. Your heart is broken. You loved deeply, and now it’s over. One side of the coin is that endings are really sad. The other side is that endings are opportunities for new beginnings, and that’s really exciting, even if you can’t feel the excitement right now.

It was difficult for me to see that I was making any progress so I documented my days over those weeks. I found that there were five key things that helped me begin to heal:

I felt all the feelings.

I took advantage of my support system.

I gave myself love and compassion.

I took responsibility for my life.

I focused on me instead of him.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to allow yourself to grieve when your heart is broken.

Our bodies are intelligent. They can hold trauma for a lifetime. When we sob so deeply our chests heave and the tears fly out, our bodies are purging the pain. Allow this to happen. I was so tired of crying, but I would keep on doing it as I needed. I actually cried a little a few hours ago. It lessens. The pain lessens. I assure you this.

There were two or three people who were my everything during my lowest low. I used their support to get me through all of the times when I just wanted to give up on my life. I talked things through incessantly, something that can help us come to terms with the situation. Our minds need to process the change, especially if it was traumatic or sudden.

It’s really important that these are people who understand you, who are capable of being there for you in this way, and who are nonjudgmental. Someone who is going to say to you, “Honey, I am so sorry you feel like this. My heart breaks for you.” Not all of our friends and family are capable of taking on that role, and that’s okay. You just need one or two.

Through these first two steps I started to gain my own strength and identity back. I got to a point where I knew that only I could pull myself up out of it. I had enough moments of clarity through my pain that I was able to see what I needed to do for myself, and I gave myself so much love.

I honored myself and acknowledged that my heart was broken. I didn’t judge myself for being weak or stress out about being low functioning. I just let myself fall into my own arms.

I treated myself like my own daughter. I asked how I was feeling and listened to the response with compassion. I kept telling myself, “I am here for you. I am always here for you.” This type of love for myself helped the pain dissipate. It helped me to feel worthy of life again.

I am also someone, probably very similar to you, who is always looking to better myself. Nothing in life is isolated—we’re all connected and affected by one another, so I knew there were deep things about myself to look at.

Instead of focusing on my ex and why he left, I began to look at myself. I questioned what I was doing in my life that left me in relationships where men chronically abandoned me.

I didn’t put pressure on myself to figure it all out, but I allowed the question to be there. I invited the answers to come in as they needed to. I knew that whatever was most obvious was probably not the full picture — and it wasn’t.

Through a candid conversation with a very close friend, I began to discover some of my deepest fears. I realized that when I get very close to people I become afraid I will lose them, something that occurred repeatedly in my childhood.

When someone I was close to share a different perspective than mine, on some deep unconscious level I became threatened, and terrified this was the beginning of the end for us. Ironically, my fears of abandonment contributed to my relationship ending.

This kind of revelation is liberating when there is a lack of clarity in a breakup. I saw myself so much more clearly, and then I looked at the relationship from my ex’s perspective. I saw my newfound self through his eyes, and I understood how he felt. It all made sense.

One of the most important things I did that allowed me to heal was to focus on myself each time I thought of him.

This is especially true if you are not the one who wants to break up. I didn’t reach out to him at all. I gave us each space. I knew seeing him show up on social media would increase the pain so I used all my willpower to stay focused on myself. If I felt the urge to check up on him I reminded myself that I didn’t need to feel any more pain. This was enough.

I think now as a mature adult wouldn’t allow any wrong person to destroy my happiness, my success, and most importantly, my peace of mind. Loving somebody perfect is the best thing we can have and it is the best thing that could happen. But with someone who tried to ruin your abilities is not the right one. Girls you are the strongest creatures and the most valuable persons who exist, don’t let anyone bring you down or let your happiness be destroyed. Take a minute and think about who is the right one for you, more power to you guys.

[uh-niran-really]

Female talon member reader x lifeweaver ? 👀 Imagine this😈🙏

Reader is tasked to infiltrate niran's lab to steal information of his biolight with the permission to use violence on niran himself if needed.

While reader is looking around, she gets pissed at how difficult it was to find information, even harder to find the metal glove itself, making her more and more frustrated.

Niran gets back home with Satya after multiple meetings, drained asf, he opens the door to his lab to see a gun pointed to his face, in fear and panic, he tries his best to cooperate to the reader's demands without giving away too much information

Plot twist! :00 Niran and Reader used to be classmates back in the academy and reader used to have a big crush on him before!

Reader's hands are shaky while holding up the gun but tried to shake it off for the sake of her mission

Niran realizes who she was and is heartbroken this was the path she took, he ends up trying to convince her to join overwatch, to turn a new life like his buddy baptiste did.

Reader and niran get into a small banter about how she should join him

Reader gets ticked off about how hes trying to distract her, her true feelings slipping out and she grips her gun tighter, telling him about how he never truly cared for her in the first place. How he never even hang around her, only giving her smiles with a few small talk back in the academy.

Insert niran feeling bad and giving her an apology for everything and sad moment bc reader realizes her whole life she felt ignored by everyone and that an apology was all she really needed, she feels guilty and sets her gun down, feeling defeated and preparing for the scolding moira would give her once she came back

Then bAAM

Niran pins her down to his desk and tilts her chin up, shes flustered asf and he whispers in her ear, almost begging her to join him, to leave talon

She gets pouty, telling him that hes just trying to persuade her into folding and that it isnt gonna work on her until he starts kissing her neck and roaming his hands around her body, confessing his love he had for her all the way back in the academy. He had the confidence to speak to her but it seemed like every time he would try to approach her she would disappear and how she still lingered in his mind every now and then even though theyve been apart for years

She gets embarrassed but refuses to believe him, telling him he was lying for the sake of keeping his biolight info a secret, he nibbles at her ear teasingly, whispering how hes willing to give her the information, the whole glove even- knowing she would keep it a secret because after all, knowing the feelings long ago were mutual, He knew you were his. 😈🙏 He teases her but is still genuine when he asks if he would like to reconnect, interlacing his fingers with hers, kissing her and leading to a steamy make out session on his desk

I don't know how to transition things but the make out session ends in niran roughly fucking her on his desk, muttering about how badly he's been needing her ever since he had left the academy abruptly.

I imagine him as a rough dom but is heavy on praising the reader, i like to think he's rough unintentionally since he hasn't had alot of time to really please himself or mingle around with others for satisfaction because hes constantly on the run😭🙏

I like to think they go on for hours without realizing 😇🙏

Satya being a concerned roommate knocks on his lab doors, not wanting to go in bc shes keen on privacy, which for the first time niran is actually incredibly glad about

OMFG pls i request a sequence where he switches to railing her by his lab doors while responding to satya in between pants while alSO trying to keep the reader quiet

Poor worried satya is concerned and asks him why he's panting so much and he chuckles looking over at the reader while making up some sort of excuse

Again i dont know how to transition things🥹

But i imagine he gives the absolute BEST aftercare, apologizing for cumming inside of her without asking and promising her to get her a morning after pill if she wishes to which reader says yes to

Then at the end they end up cuddling at the couch inside of the lab with Niran and in a still teasing (but genuine curiosity) tone asks if she'll join him in overwatch to which the reader nods to but tells him about how scared she is at talon's reactions as he promises to protect her and keep her safe before they fall asleep in each others arms, 🥹🙏Niran already thinking of a million ways to make it up to him and the reader's lost time together and promising himself to take her out to officially make her his girlfriend

SORRY IF THAT WAS MESSY😭🙏 i didnt reread anything.. </3

Fem Talon Reader x Lifeweaver - Join Overwatch

Content: Slight Angst, Fluffy Aftercare and Heavy NSFW - MDI!!

Word Count: 3,800+

A/N: Omg this was soooo fun to write!! I really enjoyed this! I channeled my inner Niran as best I could! Ahhhh I love him! I really really hope you like this one!! 🌸

You knew your mission and regardless of any prior feelings you had, you were going to do it to the best of your ability. Biolight was of the upmost importance and you would be the one to secure it. Satya Vaswani was tasked with this previously and she failed, siding with the target. You promised your superiors that you would not fail. You were apart of Talon after all, and Talon did not crumble.

You had been granted special permission to use any force necessary to acquire the Biolight, this included violence against the target. Something you had no problems doing. Violence was what you were known for. Why else would they put you on this mission. The helicraft hovered above the targets residence, his lab was inside. You hopped off the craft and waited for it to disappear out of view before you made your way inside.

The lab was much fancier than you thought possible. The place was bright and pristine, giving off a homely vibe with all the plants dotted around. You began your search for the prototype. Moira had told you what to look for. Any signs of a physical prototype along with any research notes. Should be easy, but no. This place was locked down tight. Any trace of biolight had been wiped. Smart. It was starting to make you mad. Not a single note containing anything to do with the Biolight, let alone a physical prototype lying around. The frustration was setting in, making you careless. So careless you didn’t even hear the front door.

“Oh what a day dearest! Those meetings were sooooo boring.”

“You find most events, in where you sit and listen, boring Bua.”

“Oh Satya don’t tell me that was fun for you? I’m so exhausted.” Niran yawned stretching his limbs in the process. “Still, I’m going to head to my lab for a bit.”

You had the foreshadowing to hold your gun to the door, waiting for him to open it. Sure enough he did. With shock setting in, he realised he was in danger.

“Who are you? What do you want?!”

You gestured to move away from the door to let it shut. He cooperated slowly moving away putting his hands up to show he was unarmed. He worried for Satya, she didn’t deserve to be caught up in all this.

“Where is your Biolight prototype. Your research. Give them both to me and you can go.”

“Please, I have a friend here, don’t..”

“You won’t have to worry about her if you do what I tell you. Where is your Biolight research?”

You look directly into his eyes now. Those warm brown ones that you used to love so much. In all these years, they hadn’t changed. He hadn’t changed. Still very much the gorgeous Niran from school, just all grown up. Your hand shakes a little waving around the gun a little, but you remain calm. Seeing him again after so long was taking its toll. You had to shake it off. For the mission.

“Y..Y/N..? Is.. is that you?”

He remembered you? How. How was it possible that he knew you still. After all these years and the minimal interactions you had. Yet he knew your name without hesitation.

“You.. you joined Talon..? Why? You were always such a good person. So kind and very very sweet.”

Your convictions about him now were starting to change but you did what you could to stop your mind overclouding your judgment. You weren’t the same person. Hadn’t been for a while.

“I am not that person anymore Niran. Haven’t been for quite some time. Where is it? You’d risk Satya’s life as well?” You watch his expression turn to terror. “Yeah that’s right, she’s known to us. You didn’t think we know?”

Niran sighed thinking of all you must have been through to go down this path. Talon was by no means a good organisation. It was very much the opposite of what he believed in. He couldn’t believe that the girl he once knew had joined them.

“Talon is.. is an awful organisation to get mixed up in my dear. Do you need help?”

“I chose this path Niran, is that so hard to believe?”

He shrugged softly, expression softening. He slowly trailed over to his desk, eyes watching you, mindful of your gun. Still he was probably a pro at this point. With a countless number of people after him he was bound to pick up a few things.

“Yes. Where is the sweet girl I use to know?”

“Dead and buried. You’ll end up like that soon if you don’t te-“

“Join Overwatch.”

Overwatch? Now why would you do a thing like that? It was an awful excuse for team, even if they did have Niran, and by extension Satya. You eye him trying to read his expression.

“I’m serious. A good friend of mine use to be apart of Talon. Now he works with us. His name is Jean Baptiste if you’re curious.”

“A traitor if you ask me.”

“Well good thing I wasn’t then hmm.”

His tone was light, friendly. He could be cute when he wanted to be, but also coy. He was like this at the academy too. Not much had changed since their last encounter. He still had the same child like wonder, with gorgeous features and stunning bod-

“Yes. A good thing.”

“Ahh good. You do understand that I can’t just hand over my research yes? Besides the old Y/N wouldn’t want this.”

“I’m not-“

“Not the same person, yes dear you said, but physically you look the same. You’re still gorgeous. Oh the years have been kind to you sweet thing.”

Him and his flirtatious words. It was a classic Niran Pruksamanee move though. Man would attempt to flirt his way out of everything if he could. And why shouldn’t he try? He was attractive enough. Still he was starting to piss you off with the distractions and constant chatter. It would have worked too but..

“You never did care about me. I don’t know why you pretend to do so now.” You hold the gun with more conviction now, willing to fire if you must, though you didn’t want to, not really.

“Why do you say that Y/N?”

“It was all smiles and small talk, but you never wanted to hang out with me or talk to me on a deeper level. Satya was always your main priority. I get it Niran she’s probably your girlfriend or something but god! I wanted to be your friend too!”

“She’s not my girlfriend. I am sorry you misunde-“

“Oh no, don’t give me that crap! It hurts. Being shunned by the world! That’s why I’m apart of Talon. Because fuck the world and your stupid rules. I felt silenced, but now I’m a song bird.”

He looked genuinely hurt by your confession of how you felt hurt and shunned by him and everyone else around him. He looked at you with soft gentle eyes again, imagining the sweet girl he met. In truth he had always liked you.

“Y/N. I am truly sorry that I hurt you. It was never my intention to make you feel like an outcast.”

“Always an excus- What?”

He just apologised to you and it sounded so genuine. He even bowed his head to you, showing respect. He felt awful and you could see it. This was.. different.

“No, there’s no excuse for that… I never meant for you to feel alone.. I.. should have tried harder.”

You had no idea how much you needed to hear those words. Not even just from him but in general. You felt ignored by the world and shunned by a society meant to keep you thriving. His apology had you questioning everything. You felt guilty for what you were doing. Slowly you lower your gun and put it on his desk, looking at the relief on his face. You were considering heading back to Havana empty handed. Moira would scold you. You’d probably even be punished.

“Okay Niran I-“

Before you even knew what hit you, Niran had both your wrists in his hands, pushing you back onto his large desk, pinning you down, arms above your head. He freed up his left hand, the other effortlessly holding both of your wrists down. His newly freed hand lifted your chin to meet his gaze.

“Ni-Niran? What are you doing?”

He liked seeing you so flustered. It was very cute. He liked how your small frame complimented his tall muscular one. Slowly he leaned in close to your ear, placing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Leave Talon. Join Overwatch with me, pleaseeee” His tone was almost a teasing beg.

“Knock it off! You’re just trying to get me to fold! Stop, it’s not going to work!”

He lightly chuckled against your skin. His lips move to your neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses against your jawline as he did. Once at your neck he found the spot that he personally enjoyed being kissed on. Soft kisses turned into playful teasing, turning your flesh a warm purple. A love bite here and a love bite there. By now he had released your hands, favouring to explore your heavenly body, leaving a seering hot trail when he touched. Your hips were a particular favourite of his, as well as the top of your chest, being mindful not to touch your breasts. Such a tease.

“Truthfully Y/N.. I’ve always had quite the crush on you.”

Fingers trailed down to your stomach, so dangerously close to the waist band of your cargos, more soft kisses placed at your neck.

“Well, more than a crush really. You were all I ever seemed to think about. I wanted to tell you so many times but.. you always seemed to disappear.”

His hands moved elsewhere, leaving you breathless. He opted to hold your chin again, the other hand placed next to your head, leaning his weight on it. He looked so good looking down at you like this. His white hair cascaded down, tucked softly behind his ear. It was attractive.

“You still lingered on my mind for years Y/N. Even up until now I still thought of you. So gorgeous in your uniform, so shy and sweet, yet angry at the world. I wanted you so badly and I still do pumpkin.”

“Y-you’re lying.. you’re just trying to save your Biolight! You don’t mean any of this Niran.”

You were embarrassed for getting this flustered. This is probably how Satya failed to obtain it, just with way less flirting involved. This is what he does. Niran smirked at you, his feisty little Talon Agent. He leaned in close to your ear again, nibbling softly at the lobe before whispering softly to you.

“I’d give you my research and cybernetic so willingly dearest. You can take it, it’s yours.” His thumb rubbed across your bottom lip, hand still very much holding your chin. “I know you’ll keep it a secret though. Not because you’re a good girl, but because I know you want me just as much as I want you..”

How could he possibly know that. He wasn’t wrong, in fact far from it. You did want him. He was all you ever wanted for years. The reason you accepted this mission was partly for selfish reasons, not that you’d tell Talon that.

“Shall we reconnect after all these years my sweet sweet petal?”

A hand moved to one of yours, interlocking your fingers with his. His lips moved to yours, the softest of kisses at first. You both couldn’t resist eachother. The built up desire was too much to handle. The kiss turned hungry, both wanting to make up for lost time, both wanting dominance over the other, though of course Niran won that battle. The way he kissed you was so seductive, so playful.

Soon one thing lead to another and you found yourself half naked on his desk, his fingers slipped inside your panties, teasing your clit so precisely, it had you cumming in minuets.

“First of many, should you want more loveeee”

You did want more. Who could say no to a man this attractive. Before you could even come down from your high you nodded desperately wanting more of him. Every inch of him. And oh was he happy to oblige you. Who was he to say no to the women he had thought about for so long.

“Please..” Was all you could muster, but it was enough to have him dropping his pants in anticipation. It had been so long since he was sexually with another person. Palming himself off just wasn’t the same. He missed the pillow talk, the warmth he felt. The cries of his partner as he fucked them so lovingly. It had been way too long. Being on the run was no fun when all he could do was mingle at best. He was being so impolite, so rough with you, though you hardly cared. His cock felt amazing as it slipped inside you, and he was kind enough to let you adjust to his size as he slid in inch by inch, watching in delight as your eyes rolled back, a moan escaping your lips.

“A moan already, now that’s a record. Usually I don’t have my partner moaning this early. Are you a little touch starved my darling?”

It didn’t matter if you were or weren’t. He was going to make sure you felt good either way. His hands found your thighs holding them roughly against the top of desk, practically spreading you. He had a small kink where he loved to watch his cock get taken in by his partner. It actually turned him on more. Slowly he began to pull out half way before sliding so effortlessly back into you. The movements so agonisingly slow it had your mind screaming for more.

“Look how well you take me, you’re such a good girl sweet thing.”

Almost as if he could read your mind, he switched up the pace, loving the way you reacted to him. Your hand moved to your clit, seeking more pleasure from the situation. A hand that was quickly swotted away.

“Uh uh uh darling, do you not enjoy the pleasure I give you? Is it not enough for you, gardenia?”

“No I-“

It didn’t matter. He was all too happy to rail you against the desk if that’s what you wanted. He pulled your hips towards him as he pushed his hips forward creating the most blissful sensation you had ever felt, a guttural cry accompanying it. He didn’t stop to allow you time to comprehend that however, his thrusts deep and needy. It had you begging for him to keep going.

“I’ve been needing this for so long… you have no idea how much I thought of you Y/N! Ever since I left the academy! Fuck you feel so good!”

He watched as your breasts bounced from the force, a pretty sight to behold. He fucked you for what was probably hours, giving your many sweet orgasms. He himself opted to pull out and finish on your breasts or stomach rather than inside you. Your face twisted in sheer pleasure each time, which was enough to make him want to please you more… and to tease you. He abruptly stopped as you were about to cum for the Xth amount of time, smirking at your disappointed cries.

“Nirannnn!”

“Sorry Kon Dii, I couldn’t resist.”

He more than made up for it when he started up again, fucking you so hard he had you screaming his name.

“Keep screaming like that and-“

A hasty knock came at his lab door. A concerned roommate and best friend. Sweet of her to worry really. It had been hours since she last saw him and now there was screaming coming from his lab. Sexual screaming, though he wasn’t too sure she could tell the difference.

“Niran? Niran are you okay?”

“Satya will hear you..” He finished his sentence.

He sighed but decided to have yet more fun. He pulled out of you and took hold of your wrist, helping you off the desk and leading you over to his lab door. You panicked thinking he was going to open it, but thankfully he did not. He instructed you to reach your arms out and hold the wall, leaning down slightly. You did as you were asked, who were you to disagree and miss out on more fun.

“Yes Satya, I’m fine!”

He stood behind you, roughly taking your hips and teasing you slightly by grinding his hips against you. You tried so hard not to moan his name.

“Are you sure? It’s been a little while and I heard what sounded like a scream.”

Niran was grateful that Satya was big on privacy. She would never step in without being asked to do so. It was perfect for situations like this. With no warning he slide his cock inside you again watching you slam a fist into the wall in pleasure.

“Niran!?”

“I promise you dearest, everything is fine.”

His thrusts were almost punishing you. He didn’t care for the slow build up this time. He wanted to make you scream, knowing full well that you couldn’t, too embarrassed to be caught. You leant a forearm against the wall, moving the now free hand to cover your mouth.

“If you’re sure.. I worry about you Bua.”

The pleasure was just too much to resist. He was fucking you so good it was hard to stand, legs already trembling. Niran was starting to feel it too, panting as he tried to keep a continuous pace.

“Thank.. you.. for.. your.. concern. Uhhh. I can asSURE.. you I’m fine.” He replied in between pants.

“Niran you don’t sound okay! What’s going on?! I’m so worried.”

Niran chucked as he continued to fuck you, watching your body shake and your hand cover your mouth so tightly you looked as if you would pass out. Still he knew you could take more. His hand reached around your waist and down, toying with your clit, adoring the way you gasped.

“Don’t worry Satya, I just saw the sweetest kitty.” He grinned as he continued to toy with you as he fucked you against the wall. “It startled me, but I’m petting it currently. It’s being so good!”

“Ohh.. well as long as you’re okay. Sorry for disturbing you.”

He listened to the click of her heels recede and knew he was in the clear. He was so close to cumming and by the sounds you were allowing yourself to make now, you were too.

“Close Tii Rak? Mmm such a well behaved girl aren’t you. So good for me.”

His teasing has become too much as you felt your orgasm build.

“Oh please!!”

“Since you asked so nicely darling.”

He rubbed your clit a little harder, timing it with his thrusts sending you crashing into your orgasm. The way your walls tightened around him was enough to catch him off guard. With a breathy moan he too came, but wasn’t quick enough to pull out, resulting in an accidental load deep inside you.

“Oh dear.. it seems I may have misjudged that.”

Your head spun as he pulled out of you. Your legs were so weak he barely caught you. His strong arms wrapping around your waist, keeping you up.

“Easy my love. I’ve got you.”

Effortlessly he scooped you up into a bridal carry, smiling at your exhausted face. He carried you to a small love seat he kept in his lab for small naps or relaxing breaks, gently laying you down, before slipping in behind you, cuddling you close.

“Was I too rough with you petal?”

You shook your head softly enjoying the way he snuggled up to you. He felt so warm and inviting, you felt your body relax.

“Im sorry for cumming inside you like that, I had every intention of pulling out sweetie. Are you mad with me?”

His fingers played with your hair, it felt so nice to have your hair played with the way Niran did it. It was so gentle and soothing.

“I’m not mad Niran, I’m just sleepy.”

“And who could blame you. Would you like me to take you to the pharmacy tomorrow? I can sort a morning after pill for you, unless you don’t need one, birth control and all.”

You smiled. It was nice to feel so cared about. It was genuine and sweet the way he softly spoke to you. Almost like a lullaby.

“I’d like that. Thank you for caring.”

“Shouldn’t all partners care about you after these types of things?”

His fingers continued to play with your hair, pausing only to kiss the top of your head. You’d slept with other people before, but aftercare was a rarity.

“Today was a lot for you, and I want us to have time to relax. It’s important for me to know you’re okay.”

You turn to face him and he gives your space to do so, before you neatly tuck into his chest, head resting against his pounding chest. The rhythm was steady. He loved the way you listened.

“Sooo.. does this mean you’ll join Overwatch seeing as we’re sooooo in love.” His tone half teasing you but also serious. He was curious to know if this would be a one time thing or if you would stay with him.

“I’m scared Niran.. what if they find me.. they will kill me.. but I want to stay. Right here, with you.”

“I can promise you that I will protect you. Nothing will harm you. I’m going to keep you safe and away from Talon. I’ll treasure you as much as I do with my Biolight.”

You smile. He truly cared. He wanted you to join Overwatch from the start. His narrative never changing. You knew Talon were dangerous, you just never had an out till now.

“Can I get you anything? An ice pack? Some water? Food? I can distract Satya long enough for you to shower if you would like one.”

“I’m so sleepy Niran.. I could.. just.. drift off… to.. sle-“

He kissed your forehead smiling at how cute you were when you were sleepy and how quickly you drifted off. He held you in his arms, starting to rub your back and shoulders. He began to fantasise a million different ways you could catch up together. He also wondered what he would tell Satya. But most of all he was imagining the perfect way to ask you to be his girlfriend.

“You’re better off with me.”

[spacesapphi]

"Moving Forward, Spiraling Downward Chapter 7- Nothing I Won't Understand"

AUGHHH CHAPTER 7... A bit of a shorter one, but an important one too!

CW for this chapter include talks of addiction

Summary: Shane and Marnie finally talk after a year of no contact, discussing all that's happened, and trying to figure out what lies ahead in the future.

AO3 Version Here

Was this real? Was this actually happening? It was all so sudden, so unexpected, Marnie didn’t know how to react. Neither she or Shane did. They both were stuck in some state of shock, pure disbelief. All they could do was stare at each other, the words they wanted to say refusing to come out. It just felt so surreal, like it was a dream. As much as they had a hard time wrapping their heads around it, he was home. He was finally home.

She paced the floor in the kitchen while Shane was laying Jas down in the guest room. Her mind was going through a million thoughts a minute, every emotion she could possibly feel cycling its way through her. Grief, elatement, rage, everything. She folded her arms across her body, feeling herself shaking from how overwhelming this all was. It had been over a year now, a damn year! And he just shows up in the night? No warning, no chance to let her prepare? She felt faint.

The guest room door shut softly, Shane standing just in front of Marnie now. He looked so embarrassed, like a guilty child waiting to be scolded. He couldn’t even look her in the eye. Fumbling with his hands and looking to the floor, he began to speak, “I-I know you’ve got to be so angry at me… you probably hate me, and I deserve it. I know I do. I don’t have an excuse or explanation… I’m just so sorry,” his voice cracked at the end, his eyes growing glossy once more. 

He squeezed his eyes shut tight, bracing himself to be screamed at, to be told how selfish he was, to be told that he wasn’t forgiven. Hell, he was half expecting Marnie to tell him to leave and drag him out the front door. But that never came. The anticipation rattled him, but the screaming never came, the door never slammed in his face. Instead, he felt Marnie’s arms wrap around him tight. Her embrace was strong and steady, as if she was worried letting go for even a moment would mean she’d lose him again. The contact made him freeze in shock for just a moment before he finally melted into her arms, hugging her tight as he sobbed away. He didn’t realize just how much he needed this until this moment.

“Why aren’t you yelling at me…?” he cried, resting his head on her shoulder, “Why aren’t you angry?”

“Oh, believe me, I am angry at you…” Marnie warbled, “So, so angry…”

She pulled back from the hug, holding him by the shoulders, squeezing him tight. The frustration bubbled to the surface, audible in her tone, “Shane Abram what is wrong with you?! Do you know how worried I was?! For all I knew you could’ve been dead!” she scolded and shook him back and forth, her expression exasperated, almost terrified, “Why?! Why did you just disappear like that, where were you?!”

“I’m sorry… I fucked up so bad, I’m sorry…” he warbled, still refusing to look her in the eye. Marnie still held him tight, “You did! You took away the only family I had for a year! And for what? For what, Shane?! Do you know how lonely it’s been? Do you know how hard it was to go into town and see Robin and Jodi doting over their boys when I didn’t even know where you were, or if you were safe?!”

Marnie could see the distress in Shane’s face, the absolute fear he felt watching her carry on like that. It made her feel so guilty, so heartbroken. She wished she had taken Pam’s advice long ago, to just go to the city herself and drag him back to the valley, whether or not he wanted to. He was home now, but he obviously wasn’t the same. Marnie worried he would never be the same. That light in his eyes was gone, the youth drained from his face. What had the world done to her boy? She took a deep breath, releasing her tight grip on his shoulders as she softly spoke.

“So yes, I’m angry…” she sobbed, feeling her anger subside, “But I’m so happy you’re home… I missed you so much, schatz…”

“You did..?”

“Of course I did! I prayed so much for Yoba to keep you safe wherever you were… I’m so happy they lead you back home,”

She sighed, giving him one more tight hug before motioning her head towards the table, “Come, tell me everything.”

Shane silently nodded, reluctantly following her to the kitchen table. He still wouldn’t look her in the eye, staring only at the wood grain. He had the words he wanted to say in his mind, but his mouth refused to open and let them out. It was like his jaw was locked in place.. Perhaps it was his pride again, perhaps the embarrassment. Marnie reached out to touch his hand, giving him a surprisingly understanding look, “Whatever happened I’m sure I’ll understand… Even if it takes time, I know I will in the end. Just tell me what happened,”

That’s all it took for Shane to crumble. He burst into tears, rambling on and on about everything. He told her about the debt, the crippling amount he was in. It had to be in the hundreds of thousands of g now, possibly even higher. Then he admitted to how he’d resorted to stealing to get groceries in the house, about how behind he’d gotten in rent and bills to the point he was always on the verge of eviction, only saved through the grace and kindness of his landlord. Marnie listened on in horror as he recounted the events of tonight, every little detail he could remember. Everything that had haunted him this past year came to light, everything rose to the surface, unable to be bottled up or repressed any longer. 

“You were right… you’re always right…” he sniffled, “It’s been so hard… I can’t stop drinkin’, I try but I can’t. Whenever I try I feel like I’m losin’ it. I can’t keep control of myself, I can’t handle being on my own! I just… I just wanted to prove to you that I had it under control, like you did. And I failed.”

“Shane…”

“You handled everythin’ so well… How…? I can barely go a day without breakin’, I can barely keep my head above water. You had it all figured out. You ran the ranch, raised me, did everything and on your own!” he sighed, hiding his head in his hands, “I can’t get through the night without at least a drink anymore… I don’t know how you did it.”

Marnie was silent for a moment, pouring over the memories of the past two decades, “I… wasn’t as put together as you thought, I promise that.” she stated in a morose tone.

“Come on, yes you were…”

There was another silence, Marnie shaking her head, drumming her fingers on the table, “.. I had my own struggles then, I just hid them from you, as much as I could. I was so young, so naive when everything happened and I didn’t know how to cope. I made bad choices, and I wasn’t the smartest, but I got through in the end.”

She looked to him with a determined expression, “You’ll get through this too, especially now that you’re home, and home to stay. It won’t be easy, and it’s a rough road ahead, but you have everyone right behind you… Oh, I wish you had let me be there for you... I’m so sorry, for everything…”

Shane shook his head and sighed, “I’m the one who should be sorry… Do you even want me to stay? I put you through so much, aendi… I didn’t think you could forgive me. I haven’t forgiven myself.”

“It’ll take much more than that to get me to never forgive you, schatz,” Marnie gently took his chin in her hand, facing him towards her, “I may not be your mother, but you are my son … You and Jas, you’re the only family I have left in this world. And though I’m upset, I could never hold a grudge against you like that…”

“That being said…” she continued, her tone verging on a scold, “There will be rules here. For starters, you will always be honest with me. No more secrets, no more running away from your problems or me. And as much as I’m happy to have you here, I can’t afford it for free…”

“I’ll pay rent, as much as you need,” Shane offered, “Anything you want, I just… I need a job,”

“There aren’t many, but… Jojamart is looking for a stockboy. They haven’t had much luck with staffing. I think there’s only two people there now. Some out-of-town girl and the Neilson’s older boy,” Marnie mused, “Not many folks want to work there, I suppose,”

“Fuck…” a realization came to Shane, “With my work record… Yoba, I don’t think I could get a job like that again, they’ve gotta do reference checks...”

“... Tell them you’ve been working with me here the past few years,” Marnie stated, “If they ask, I’ll tell them you’re a hard worker, that you’ve always done everything you needed to.”

“Aendi, I can’t ask you to lie…”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. And if it gets you the job, I’m willing to… Head over in the morning and ask about it, okay?”

“And before I forget…” she continued, her voice growing stern once more, “there will be no alcohol in this house, none. If you want to go to the saloon I can’t stop you, but until you’ve gotten better it will not be under my roof. Understand?”

Reluctantly, Shane nodded, an embarrassed blush creeping onto his cheeks. He felt like such a screw-up for needing restrictions like that. He felt so immature. Never in his life did he imagine he’d get to the point where he was the reason drinks were banned in the house. Marnie could sense his embarrassment, giving him a sympathetic glance, “It’s just for a while, until things are better, okay?”

“I know…”

Marnie took another good, long look at him. His face was so pale, eyes sunken and adorned with heavy, dark bags. His hair was shaggy and uneven, turning silver at the roots. Overgrown stubble covered his jaw and cheeks, only amplifying the haggard look he had. It made her stomach turn, all she could think about was one thing. That exhausted look in his eyes, the early graying of his hair… It made him look so much like his mother in her final days. Everything about him reminded her of Mona, more now than ever, and it scared her. She was going to fix this, she had to. 

Grasping an overgrown lock of purple hair, Marnie tsked and stood from her seat, “Wait here,” she rummaged through a drawer in the hutch, grabbing at a few small items, “We’re going to get that mop under control,”

Shane didn’t even respond, just waiting for Marnie to walk back to the table. She returned with a pair of scissors, a mirror, a brush, and a blank tablecloth. Tapping his shoulder to cue him to sit up straight, Marnie wrapped the cloth around him, tying it loosely at his neck. Shane just stared ahead, face still as stone. He watched as little bits of hair fell onto the cloth covering him. The squeak of the scissors opening and closing rang in his ear, the bristles of the brush dragging through his hair. There was a cold silence between them, until a warm, almost laughter-like sound came from Marnie.

“What’s so funny?” Shane questioned.

 Marnie just shook her head with a smile, “Oh, nothing funny, just… this reminds me of a good memory,.”

“What is it?”

“The day you-  oh, what’s the word… the day you came out to me,” she mused, “We sat down right here to give you your first haircut, with these same scissors! I remember how much you loved it,”

Shane bit back a laugh, thinking back to that first cut. In the moment he did love it. He felt like himself for the first time when he looked in the mirror after. But looking back on childhood photos now made it clear just how choppy and amateur it was, “I remember… it was kind of bad though,” he laughed.

“Oh it was! I went to school for art, you know, not cosmetology,” Marnie laughed, “But I learned! And I’d like to think I’ve gotten good… Besides, the important part was that it made you happy.”

She wiped some stray hairs off the base of his neck, reminiscing fondly on that day, “I remember when we chose your name too… How many I sifted through until I found the perfect one for you… my little gift from Yoba.”

Placing down the scissors, Marnie grabbed the mirror and turned back to Shane, “No matter how upset I am with you, or how bad things get, you will always be my treasure and my gift… I want you to always know that,”

She handed over the mirror so he could see himself. His hair was short once again, cleaned up nicely thanks to Marnie’s work. She was right, she had gotten good at this. He felt her place gentle hands on his shoulders, seeing her look into the mirror alongside him with a smile. The cut did little to take away the age on his face, but it helped him look just a bit more put together, the sharpest he’d been in a long while. He looked more like himself.

“There’s my boy…” Marnie mused sweetly, “You know… I remember seeing your eyes light up for the first time that day. It was the first time I’d seen you so happy, so alive… I hope I can see that light again someday, once things are better.”

Shane couldn’t understand why she was being so kind. He’d ruined things so much, he’d been such a terrible nephew. How Marnie could be so forgiving, so understanding of him, he would never know. Perhaps it was his own inability to forgive and love himself. After all, if even he couldn’t do it, how could others? But in this moment, he truly felt cared for, and he didn’t push that feeling away for once. It was like someone had finally lifted all the weight from his shoulders, letting him stand tall for the first time in years. Everything had been so awful he could hardly imagine a reality where he truly had solid ground under foot. But he didn’t have to imagine anymore. 

The valley was going to be a fresh start, a safe and steady environment to improve, to find a new path forward for him and his family. It was such a happy thought that it overwhelmed him, made his heart feel ready to burst. He could hardly handle it. All he could do was hunch over in his chair, sobbing once more. It was a bittersweet cry, both mourning his situation and feeling so much relief that he had another chance to get on track again.

Marnie wrapped her arms around him as he cried, holding him close and letting him get it all out. The future ahead of his family was uncertain, and the path in front of him was rough and uneven, that much was true. It was going to take time, and a lot of it, to get to anything close to normal. But maybe he wouldn’t need to do it alone anymore.

 Maybe a good life was finally waiting for him just around the corner.

[annislittleshopofhorrors]

The thing is…and this is just my opinion. CE is not the first and will not be the last male celeb to date or be connected to or even marry a problematic woman that the fans hate.

There are countless other male celebs whose fandoms are currently or have gone through the same thing. This situation is no diff but I’m truly concerned by the amount of anons who think bc he’s “dating Albert” that this is the worst public scandal anyone has ever seen and he’ll be ruined.

No offense….but the world will not end if he marries this chick. I don’t actually really believe the wedding stuff because atp, he’s supposedly gotten engaged and married five times and also - all the latest rumors from diff sources have the wedding happening this weekend, next week, October, December. Not even Beyoncé is having four different weddings in the same year.

And I do not believe his career will be over or that he deserves to lose it all. Sure, he’ll lose internet BF status and whatever some fan accounts will disappear, and he won’t draw boyband levels of hysteria. But do you think as a 40+ year old man he actually wants ppl screaming like Bieber fans for the rest of his career? Maybe all this is intentional so he can go EFF off into oblivion and just come back when he needs to work and promote a project. Maybe he’ll eventually draw a crowd who does follow him for his career, whatever that may look like. It doesn’t have to be a be all end all situation like some ppl here are stating it will be. And if some of you think he deserves to lose it all because he decided to marry AB, that’s your right to believe that but also I’d hope you’d move on to someone or something better by then!

The fans who do not want to support him will stop and the ones who will stick around to hate and drag will likely continue to do so bc this is the type of ppl they are.

Then the ones claiming to be over him and find other men to follow, will inevitably be mad the next time one of those guys ends up with a woman or partner they hate or deem unfit. It’s an unending cycle.

I think you anni, and Georgia/Jen have the right idea. It may do well for some fans just to either do a hard stop of following him if they’re so worried they’re going to end up heartbroken and disappointed, or just stick around and either focus on the positive things - his projects, career, whatever professional endeavors he pursues next, or stay around and have a sense of humor to make fun and joke. But not let it define or ruin your life.

Again, not telling ppl what to do or how to feel. Just that separating art from artist, professional from personal, may be beneficial in the long run.

Love your hot takes and your hilarious and sarcastic sense of humor.

and I hope this doesn’t make me sound way petty…I love when you drag/troll the PT losers because honestly, they’re so easy to make fun of. Even if you stick around later just to drag, I’ll come back here just to have a good laugh.

Yep and just a little sidenote: I know I shouldn't drag the sewer rats but I can't stop. 😅

[kingpippthe2nd]

This is going to be a Neil Gaiman appreciation post. Not because I think, the internet needs another person babbling on about how good an author Neil is. There is enough of those. This one is purely egotistical, because I have too many words rattling in my head, and they want out. So, settle in and let me tell you a story. I promise, it will make sense in the end. Or go read something interesting. I’m not your parent. 

I used to read a lot as a kid. The library in my town was open on two afternoons each week: Tuesday and Thursday. So, every Tuesday I would go there with my stack of read books, swap them for a smaller stack of books, which I would devour in the next two days, return them on Thursday, leave with a bigger stack and so on and so on. I couldn’t read enough. I loved disappearing into all the different worlds, all the different adventures. I was the kind of kid, that would read until the middle of the night, illuminated by a flashlight, be exhausted all day in school, just to go home and do it all again.  

I don’t know when this changed, exactly. Only that it did. Something about growing up took away the wonder of printed words. Or wonder in general.  

I remember telling my therapist a year or so ago how I remember being able to see so much beauty in the world. How the tiniest thing could spark so much joy in me. Make me imagine entire worlds. And how I couldn’t find this kind of joy anymore. How I felt that something in me was irrevocably broken. She reassured me, that this was normal. All part of growing up. Childlike wonder at the world is not for adults to have. Never have the words a therapist felt so fundamentally wrong. I was heartbroken leaving that session. My worst fears had become true: I’d never find that joy again. 

Over the years, I never lost my love of stories. I started listening to audiobooks, a form of media which I used to despise. Why listen to a book when you can read it? Hold it? Smell it?  I watched movies and series and listened to podcasts. But I didn’t really read. I had lost the patience for them. Don’t get me wrong: I still loved my books. I have some beautiful editions of my favourite books that I loved showing off to people. I bought new books as well. New stories. And I told myself I’d get around to reading them soon. But I never did. 

I used to write a lot, too as a kid. I wrote diaries, though I never kept up with them for long. I wrote short stories and even started writing a book, which was not very good and is now lost forever. I wrote loads of poems. One of them I wrote sitting on a roof in a night gown while the full moon shone behind the church tower. I still have that one. It isn’t half bad. But I stopped writing years ago. It left me, when I left the books. 

Some years ago, my partner at the time introduced me to a new book. Theyread it aloud to me in the evenings. It was called “Neverwhere” by a man I had never heard of: Neil Gaiman. I fell immediately in love with the story and the writing and the characters. Soon enough I owned all the Neil Gaiman audiobooks I could find and listened to them ravenously.  

Within the last year I have tried to read four books. I finished one of them. Not a big one. And it took me multiple months. I had to force myself to finish it, even though I loved the story and the writing. The other three I abandoned halfway through, feeling terribly about myself and my apparent inability to read. 

And then Amazon Prime released season two of Good Omens and I found myself swept up in a maelstrom of emotions and hype and fan theories. I started reading fan fictions for the first time in my life. Long ones too. I started telling anyone and everyone about how much I loved and missed the show. About how genius a writer Neil Gaiman was. How I had loved his way with words and worlds for such a long time and that he was my favourite author. 

A week ago, I had a realisation: I had never actually read a Neil Gaiman book. I’ve had them read to me. I’ve listened to hours and hours of audiobooks. But I had never ever actually sat myself down and read a book by my favourite author with my own eyes. Held it. Smelt it.  

So, I picked up one of the “I’ll get around to it books” from a stack on my hallway book shelf and started reading. A little thing called “The Ocean at the End of the Lane”. I finished it within three days. I read it on my way to and from work. One night, I walked all the way from the tram stop to my flat whilst continuing to read, phone flashlight in hand, so the darkness wouldn't steal the story away from me.  

And as I finally looked up from on the pages again and looked around, something else happened. It was as if the words had given my mind a little nudge. The world was spinning slightly differently. And all over sudden I could see the world as I had as a kid. There are more colours now. Everything is a bit more sparkly, more magical. I can taste stories on the wind, see them in the early morning sunshine. I have ideas rattling in my head that need writing down for the first time in what feels like forever. Ideas for short stories, for poems. Maybe even for a book.

I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am to Neil for giving me back something, I knew I had lost forever. Because childlike wonder at the world is not for adults to have. With nothing but his words printed on paper he remade the way I see the world. If that isn’t some kind of magic, then I don’t know what could be. And who wants to be an adult anyway.

[totallynotawes]

SoulMates

WC: 1233 || CW: Suicide, Character Death, Mention of Self-Harms, Hurt/Comfort.

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Steve and Robin are high school sweethearts, two peas in a pod, twins from different parents, besties for life. They knew everything about each other, all the details, Steve knows Robin's secret about being a lesbian and can’t be as expressive as she wishes, how she’s terrified to talk to Vickie, how she was heartbroken when Chrissy died. He helped her through it all, Dealing with Venca and the upside down was not easy for anyone, if anyone knew how hard it was it was Steve, besides Will Byers. 

Barbara Holland died in Steve’s pool. He dragged Eddie’s dead body out of the upside down. He and Robin were drugged and beaten to almost death underneath Starcourt by Russians. Steve knows the depression, the PTSD, the feeling of it all. 

But when Robin suddenly shut him and the whole group out, Steve started worrying. She didn’t show up to school, work, or hangouts and when she did, she still shut everyone out. Steve made sure no one knew how he felt, he just shrugged off the children's concerns saying Robin was fine, She’s busy, She’s sick..again. He hated lying to the kids, they didn’t deserve that.

Once Steve got home, he closed the front door gently and leaned against it, sliding down to the floor. He hugs his knees and starts hyperventilating. Robin hated him, it's because he ran off to save Eddie and not her even if she wasn’t hurt. After a moment he gets up and quickly leaves his house, driving to Robin’s.

Steve walks up to Robin’s door and knocks on it. Robin opened the door and went to shut it but the brunette stopped it with his arm. “Come on, we’re getting burgers and going to the quarry, I’m not taking a no for an answer. Grab your shoes.”

Robin nods slowly, grabs her shoes by her door, and follows Steve to his car. They drive in silence only noise is the radio but very low. Steve left the car for five minutes to go into the diner and get their food. 

Robin is laying her head on the window, looking out and watching the houses disappear and trees becoming full sight as they make it up the quarry. She follows Steve out of the car to the cliffside of the quarry and watches him lay down a blanket. They both sit down and start eating quietly.

“You missed it today,” Steve spoke, “Dustin and Eddie came into Family Videos and they were talking about their nerdy shit. And you know how they get, They start laughing and pushing each other around, well Eddie pushes Dustin onto a shelf, and it just dominos down onto the other shelves. Keith got so pissed and kicked them out, but now I gotta clean it all up tomorrow.” He chuckles and sighs, looking at Robin “You think you’re gonna come to work tomorrow? I’ll need the help.”

“No,” Robin finally spoke for once and put relief in Steve’s body. “I’m not going to be around.”

Steve frowns “What do you mean?” He watches Robin get up and walks to the edge of the cliff. He scrambles to get up and get behind her. “What are you saying, Robin?!”

“I can't do it, no more. I’m tired.” Robin looks at Steve with tears streaming down her face. “We don’t know if Venca or that mind flayer thing is actually dead and I’m not staying to find out. I’m sorry.”

“Oh..” Steve realizes what she meant “Wait! Please, Robin! Don’t leave me!” He grabs her hands. “You’re my only friend, I can’t lose you.”

“You got Dustin and Eddie, I know how much you love Eddie and I know you’re scared to admit it to yourself, go be with him.”

“That doesn’t matter, you are my soulmate, my best friend for life, We were supposed to grow old and make the kids' life a living nightmare with their kids, we’re supposed to stay together til the end of time, not like- like-” Steve lets out a sob “Not like this Robin, please don’t.” 

“Steve, please, I can’t do it anymore, I can never sleep, I’ve covered myself in cuts,” Robin says and pulls off her jacket, revealing cuts all over her arms.

“I’m covered in cuts as well!” Steve cries out and pulls off his sweater. “Why else do you think I wear sweaters?! Robin, you can’t leave me alone, not like this. I don’t want to be alone, not again!” He cries out and grabs Robin's arms.

“I’ve made my decision, Steve. Thank you for the wonderful life despite the supernatural shit.” Robin grabs Steve’s cheek and kisses his forehead. “I love you, Steve.” She says as she backs away and falls off the cliff.

Steve stood there, frozen. He couldn’t move until he heard a splash. He moves closer to the edge and looks down, not seeing Robin's body in sight. He turns away and runs to his car before speeding, going well over a hundred, passing every stoplight and car.

Steve stops in front of Eddie’s trailer and quickly walks to the door, banging on the door. 

“Damnit! I’m tired of you reporters! It’s been months! What more do you want?!” Eddie yells as he opens the door “Steve?” He raised an eyebrow “What’s wrong?” He asked as Steve collapsed onto him.

Steve lets out a sob and nonsense that causes Eddie to pull the male inside and close the door. He leads them to the couch and sits down. “Hey, hey, what’s going? Why are you crying and banging on my door?” He forces Steve to look up at him.

“Ro-Robin!” Steve managed to get out.

“What about her? Did something happen to her?” Eddie asked worriedly.

“Sh-She,” Steve chokes on his sob. “She jumped.”

“Jumped? Where?” Eddie asks trying to puzzle everything together as well as being patient.

“Qu-Quarry.” Steve pushes his face into Eddie’s shoulders, letting out loud sobs.

“Robin jumped at the Quarry?” Eddie questioned and Steve shook his head hesiatedly.

“In quarry.” Steve corrects

“She jumped in the quarry?” Eddie asks and Steve nods. He was confused before realizing, “Oh.. Steve, baby, I’m sorry.” He hugs him tightly, pulling him into his lap.

“She said she couldn’t han-handle it anymore, said she’s tired, she left me, my only true soulmate left me before I could even process it all. I didn’t get to tell her I love her.” Steve cries out and sits up, looking at Eddie. “I know we’re only platonic soulmates because she’s gay but she meant the world to me. She h-help me figure out who I am, helped me discover new things in this god-forsaken world. Now she’s gone, abandoned me in this world all by myself.” He sniffles and buries his face into Eddie’s neck again. “I was going to follow her just so we aren’t separated from one another.”

Eddie listens to Steve and tightens his grip on the man. “I know, I know but I’m glad you didn’t take that leap, You still have so much to look forward to in life and Robin wouldn’t want you to follow, she wants you to continue on and live on your dreams.”

Steve nods and looks up at Eddie “Thank you, Eddie, I love you.”

“I love you too, Steve,” Eddie says and kisses his forehead. “I’m proud of you.”

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Sorry for any errors this is the first time I posted any of my fics. So please be kind and don't hate. If you hate it, block me idc. I go for more darker fic writing. I have tons of fics I've been working on just never finish and have been scared to share them. So have this one, sorry for making y'all cry.

[tojikai]

I know you already explained a bit of it, but why was it so easy for him to act right for Naomi and not y/n though?? Even with y/n faults, how could you not give what the one you claim to love the most wants, needs, and that has been trying hard for you, her faults aside, and the mother of your child, but yet so easily give it to a new woman? Y claim to love less and who isn't the mother of your child and most definitely didn't put up with your shit the way y/n did😩

If I were y/n I would be so bitter regarding that for like forever, but if he got with Naomi before y/n came into his life, would he still act right for her?

Would he and Naomi even date if she came into his life before y/b did? 😭😭

Maybe it’s because I’m still young? Actually I’m pretty sure I’m the same age y/n had yui😦 but I personally would never get over naomi and everything he did, I would probably always get so sad thinking about everything that gojo did for Naomi's and his mother’s sake

I would forever be heartbroken and think of what could’ve been if he kept his promise

I would probably have hella mood swings with him and think about how I can’t completely be genuinely happy due to it but i could’ve if it hadn’t happened

idk if i'll explain this well but you see…sometimes we treat new things better when we first have them. we leave the old ones, bc apparently this new one works better. so you try, protect it from scratches and harm. because there's literally no reason to damage it, it's new and it feels so new. you try not to make the same mistakes you made with the old one so it doesn't end up like that. until you realize that the old one actually feels more right for you, like it fits you more. it was the same w them, naomi was good to satoru, he didn't want to hurt her like that. she's a new rs, she gave him the feeling of starting fresh and new again. he wanted to be better with her bc he didn't want to make the same mistakes as he did with his previous rs, so that he will know that it wasn't entirely his fault that it fell apart. it made him feel better, treating naomi well felt like he was a new person. he wanted to do it w yn too. why didn't he? because she's not letting him. instead of letting him fix their rs, she started to pull away bc she herself doesn't know what else to do but protect herself from their fights and his mom. satoru had his realizations abt how much yn put up w his shit, it was written in chapter 3 (i think, when he was drinking). that's why he regrets not fighting more for her and yui.

if he got w naomi before all that, they'd be having problems here and there but not as bad as yn's and his. probably not enought to break up too, bc his mother won't be adding fuel to the fire.

and yep, yn wouldn't forget that either. after all, scars do not disappear. but wounds heal and when they do, they do not hurt anymore, not with time. just a reminder that it happened. and it didn't kill her, it didn't kill them. sure it's hard, but it's up to them if they'll give up again or try.

i'm sure yn's bitter abt satoru a lot of times, there's always attitude, but he doesn't want to give up anymore. he's been through that, he won't be able to take it back, but he can give her something better. it's up to yn if she'll accept that :>

[thekiltongrammarwriter]

Hi! Sorry if this is a strange request but can u write some hcs of how sals reaction would be if they found andies body and he found out she was murdered? xx

Apologies for the late reply sweet anon! Of course I’d be willing to do these!! I actually have to write a similar scene for my new Andie fic soon! So this is good practice! (After seeing India as Andie in the trailer with those tear stains…bloody hell her performance is going to be AMAZING)

Sal’s reaction to Andie’s death

Again what comes into my head is that nobody ends up solving the case, Andie is still out there and Little Kilton moves on, Andie ghost seeming to walk the streets. I’d like to think that our dear Pippa would still get involved in the case, even if proving Sal was one of the main motivations for her. I’d like to think just like the end of the book where she says in the most pip determination “the case is not finished yet”.

I’d like to think she’s go to Sal, and he’d help because number one he knew Pip, and pip admired him. He’d also be very much willing because he too wants consolation and closure both for him and Andie. I imagine Sal stayed back a few more years, needing to be home and having a rather hard time adjusting. The first year after Andie he goes on a rampage, just like pip trying to solve the case but in the end his parents are beyond and worried and beg him to stop. They beg him to see a therapist who could help him. Find ways to cope.

So when pip knocks on his door with that determined look in her blue eyes he knows that this is a golden opportunity. I’d like to think the case goes a lot faster given that Sal has so much information and personal ties to Andie and so pip is able to make haste with many of the points she learns.

Now onto what you were really interested anon, I feel like at first Sal would be heartbroken that it was Becca, mostly because he’s known Becca for a long while and they were great friends, he even knew her when they were young and Andie would boss her little sister around for all of Kilton to see. So he’s devastated, absolutely shell shocked. He’d cry, I love Sal and think Holly did a wonderful job with him, he truly represents the good in people, he is the moral compass for so many things. Even Naomi has said that is Sal had been there at the hit and run maybe it would have turned it differently. So I’d wager that Sal cries when he finds out, he doesn’t care that others are watching, it’s five years of grief and suffering, not knowing what happened to Andie and kicking himself everyday for not answering the call.

When Becca finally does tell Sal where Andie is I think it takes him a second. He goes home and is sick all over the floor, his body is shaking and he has a mini breakdown. He cries and cries, wallows and wails. His parents come in and rock him and help him. It’s a big moment. Sal knows he doesn’t have to go see Andie, her parents will be the ones to identify her, through bones at the most. But something in Sal knows that Andie would have wanted him too. Because even though Andie was cruel and mean (I adore my little complex Andie bell😭 but that is the truth) Andie was Sal’s first love. So he ends up going, and when he sees Andie being hoisted up out of the septic tank just bones and her clothes she was last seen in, it makes his stomach flip, it makes him feel all the emotions she felt the very same day she disappeared.

Sal doesn’t cry surprisingly . He’s eerily quiet and somber, feels the quiet now that Andie is truly proclaimed dead. And in way it brings peace, peace to little Kilton and his soul. Andie is gone, but that doesn’t mean he’ll ever forget her. Never. I also like to think that Pip would have gone to Andie’s funeral (I wish Holly had done something like that in the third book. Or at least have pip visit andies grave when she’s of to university..I would have double cried for that. Might swriye something like that) but Sal would attend. His parents as well. It would be a very hard day for him, but he’s see Andie’s headstone and his beautiful and so Andie like he’d laugh. She’s like that..

(Was that good anon?) 🤣🫶🫶 xx

[moonstruckme]

Hey! I absolutely adore your work :D If you wouldn't mind, could you maybe do poly!Marauders x GN!Reader who is having/had a panic attack? So they're just really exhausted and anxious, but our boys are taking care of them? If not, don't worry haha

Thanks lovely <33

cw: panic attack aftermath, anxiety

poly!marauders x gn!reader ♡ 752 words

You’re slick with sweat, and yet you can’t stop shivering. James’ hand is steadfast on your back,  fingers spread wide as he drags it up and down your spine. Somehow he knows to apply a good amount of pressure, grounding you here on your living room floor. 

“I’m okay,” you say, to yourself or them, you’re not entirely sure. You take a big, shuddering breath, your lungs aching like an overworked muscle as they expand. “Sorry about that. I’m okay now.” 

“You don’t have to be.” Sirius matches your quiet tone, sitting with his legs crossed under him on the floor in front of you. “Take your time, baby.” 

Remus stands from behind you on the couch, disappearing into the kitchen and returning a minute later with a glass of water. He sets it down in front of you.

“Only drink it if you want,” he says. 

You nod, and you do want, sipping at the cold water and relishing the feel of it in your sore throat. You let out a breath when you finish, setting the glass atop the coffee table and leaning sideways until your head hits James’ shoulder. 

Your boyfriends are being quieter than you would’ve expected. Certainly quieter than they had been when the attack came on, Sirius and James launching questions at you rapid-fire and scrambling to find out how they could help before Remus had shushed them harshly and given you the environment you needed to calm yourself down. You’re sure they’re still brimming with questions now, but they’re patient enough to put their curiosity on hold, just sitting with you while you will the tension in your muscles to ease and your heart to beat at a normal pace. 

“Tired, sweetheart?” James murmurs, hand following the curve of your spine from your tailbone to where your neck meets his shoulder. 

“Yeah.” It comes out a sigh. 

Remus hums. “Your body just went through a lot,” he explains, more for James and Sirius than for you, you think. “Do you want to lie down, love?”

You nod, and Remus reaches down to steady you at the elbows, helping you up. You’d like to think he’s being excessive in his cosseting, but your trembling worsens as you stand. Your legs feel made of rubber underneath you, and you waste no time sitting down again on the couch. 

Remus gets up to make room for you, and you spread out, trying to convey to your body that the danger has passed. You cover your eyes with your hand, pinching the bridge of your nose in an attempt to quell the headache you feel coming on.

There’s a gentle whoosh of air, and then a soft, heavy blanket settles over you. You open your eyes to find James tucking it around your feet, and you send him a grateful smile. 

“Sorry about that,” you say again, though you know they don’t want to hear it. You just aren’t sure what else to say. “Thanks for helping me through it.” 

“Anytime, angel.” James gives your feet a little squeeze through the blanket. If you weren’t so exhausted you’d probably be a lot more embarrassed about that. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for, you know. That seemed…really scary.” 

You nod, because you don’t know what else to do. It was. It is. 

“Is there anything else we can do to help?” Sirius asks, and you’re both touched and heartbroken by the worry in his voice. 

“Thanks.” You give him your most reassuring smile. It’s a small, feeble thing, but hopefully enough to comfort him a little. “Actually, do you think you could wake me up in a little while? I just…it’s sometimes hard for me to sleep the first night after a panic attack. I don’t want to make it worse by napping all day.”

Sirius flashes a smile. It’s maybe half its usual wattage, but it’s something. “Sounds good, sweet thing.” 

You look between your boyfriends, feeling awkward and a little bit dramatic for the past hour’s events. You can’t decide whether to apologize or thank them again, but Remus seems to see the words warring on the tip of your tongue. He reaches over to brush some hair from your face, his knuckle stroking gently down your cheek. 

“We can talk about it after you wake up if you want to, love,” he says. “Just get some rest for now, yeah?”

You nod, snuggling into the blanket and closing your eyes. 

“We’ll be here when you wake up.” 

[movedtodykedvonte]

what would’ve happened if any of the others did find spam back in the city, living on the streets

I like to think it depends who found him. Under cut cause it's a bit long.

If it was just Audi, I feel like he'd take Spam in and keep it between themselves. Audi was the most protective of Spam specifically and openly heartbroken about him being gone. He never recovered as I hc the mannequin is like its stand in cope doll. Audi would fear telling the other's would lead to them having another fight and Spamton running off again or worse them just fully refusing to talk to each other ever again in any capacity.

Audi acts like the two of them can just pretend it's the past and continue where they left off but Spam just isn't the same anymore. He's more paranoid, less trust and less loving than he was before, even when he was getting a swelled head as a big shot he was more caring. It would be nice for a while but it wouldn't last, Spamton wouldn't be able to get over the betryal and the belief it was gonna come crashing down again, especially cause Audi would possibly hide the fact that it just didn't tell the others about him. Maybe Spamton finds out, maybe it freaks him out as he begins to think Audi's part of it too, leaving suddenly and definitely leaving Audi more heartbroken than before. Though I feel like this time Audi mourns the loss better as he now knows Spam has the capacities to survive on his own...

If it was just Vidie I don't things would go so well. The thing with Vidie is it would still be her "Pop" era/persona. It isn't a different personality but a mindset based on bitterness and spite. The difference in the CDAP au is he's had time to cool off and replace that with guilt after the fountain closed and their success as adware didn't matter anymore to their continued existence. Vidie would be boastful and rude, terse in a way she couldn't have been previously as Spam was way out of her bracket as a Big Shot. Probs some inputs on how she's probably doing well enough to support the both of them with ease, a weird/insulting invitation to berate him more at his place and get Spam off the street.

Vidie still cares at this point but it's a bit clouded by envy, he wouldn't want him to suffer more than he clearly has been but she needs to feel like the roles are "fixed". After being insulted I doubt Spam would really want to be near her any longer, seeing his belief they don't care about him really as confirmed and probably mocking how she is still jealous of his past success before again disappearing into a crowd before Vidie could get another barb in. Vide would regret her lack of a filter.

If it was Banner it would go no where. No confrontation or interaction, to be honest, Banner would think they were halucenating. Banner's emotions towards the whole thing are/were very repressed, purposely avoiding thoughts about the fall out and Spam as much as they could despite how it weighed on them. Seeing Spamton, messed up and probably rooting in the garbage, would be seeing her worst fears for him actualized. If Spam saw her he'd possibly run, maybe just quickly get out of dodge as he would be too ashamed and angry to really talk.

Banner would want to follow but be unable to move, still debating if all this repression has finally drove them bonkers. By the time Banner would make a decision, Spamton would be long gone and Banner would pretend it was a guilt induced thing. She'd go outside less after it though...

If it was just Surv I really can't say how that would have gone. Of all the ads, Surv was the one actively looking for Spamton, determined to find him and probably the most worried in the CDAP au when he still wasn't found after the fountain closed. If he hadn't been found who knows how Surv's relationship with the other's would have faired, especially with Banner. Besides that, Surve finding him probably yeileds the best outcome. He's not letting Spamton go again, not so easily. If Spamton runs, he's gonna catch him, if he tries to argue his way out he's gonna listen and take any vitriol, they can work on it later. Surv wants him to be safe and secure and will do anything to have that feeling for Spamton actualized. This of course means it's Spamton's call in Surv's mind if he actually stays with Surv and Banner at all or long term.

I can't imagine at this point Spamton would agree to it, I can't imagine Surv forcing him to do anything but listen to the offer and his apology, whether he accepts either or not. He wouldn't and while Surv can't understand why he'd choose to stay on the street, he wouldn't push it, knowing it would just push Spam further away. He'd buy him a phone, make sure he's set for at least a bit with either supplies or whatever Spam wants and give him his number. Spamton would never pick up but at least it gives Surv hope he's still alive every time the phone calls go through, even if it's only the automated message at the end. Surv would spend more time at in the city and more importantly at home...

Any group combination would result in them forcibly taking him in and trying to figure out what in god's name happened to him and if they could fix it. It would be a lot harder for them to bond and rekindle what they had here than in the current fic because they can visibly see that Spamton has been through something terrible, and he's still actively going through it. He's still a broken little doll with a voice in his head damning his existence and free-will, every second of that is a reminder of how they left him to this fate alone... or at least how he had no one to fall back on when it happened. It's a lot more existential and I feel like they'd all be more at each other's throats for longer cause he's in pain, he blames them and won't/can't say much about it. Spam doesn't want to be there cause he no longer feels safe, loved or respected by them or anyone for that matter.

They can try all they want but it takes longer cause he has to figure out how to heal the way he is and they have to realize that they can't just coddle him to achieve that. It's realizing that things are way more different and having to take them as what they are before finding traces of what they were. Whether it ends with them asking Kris to do the fountain in the end or Spamton running off again really depends on if they can focus on him and not their own feelings for once unlike before. It would just need to play out in this scenario...

Truthfully, I doubt puppet Spamton would be easy to win over as he still is mainly focused on his neo plans. The static and otherworldly knowledge is still prevalent in his brain and it's a block that the other addisons wouldn't easily get through. To me, most healing needs to happen after neo or a case where neo is no longer an option and he is also forced to look for prior choices.

[teachmeblue]

Y'ALL 😭😭😭 It's the last day which is why I disappeared, bc I'm so sad. BUT I got a hug from him!!!! It was so warm and comforting, and his face was pressed against mine (I didn't get excited over that at all oh no I didn't) and I wrote him a three page letter, and got him a book.

But the hug was SO GOOD actually, like it was all I've ever needed. And I told him I'd miss him, and he's like "I'll be here next year, you're not losing me!" Which was very comforting.

Also, I got a picture with him!! So now I have a nice memory of us to look back on. It's so funny, bc neither of us are looking at the camera really 😭 he's staring at himself I think and I just look a little dazed. It's so cute, I've never loved a picture more. I might trace it and use it as my phone background.

I am so, so heartbroken that today is the last day, but I feel good about how this year has gone, and I know I'll be back with him in just a few months. I asked him if he would still let me hang out in his room when I wasn't his student anymore, and he said yes!! He sounded really happy that I asked I think

But you guys, I'm gonna miss him so much 😭 I just have to hold onto what I do have of him.

I also made him a friendship bracelet, which he's been wearing every day since I gave it to him 😭 I think I gave him enough to remember me by

I don't know how active I'll be on here until September, but it's been good! I hope you all enjoyed my posts, and I'm sure I'll start this blog up again when the fall semester starts. I might still post some, but who knows! If I think I'm permanently leaving, I'll for sure let you all know.

It's been a good year. And I'll miss him forever, and I'll keep him in my heart for as long as I live. Even if some day I fall out of love, this has still been the very best year, and some part of me will always be his.

Have a good summer, everyone, and I'll talk to you soon!

[hangup119]

ඞ JOIN GAME?

thirty. awesome-sauce word count: 5k words

ANTON NEEDED TO STOP LISTENING TO LOVE SONGS. 

But unfortunately, he has had Laufey put on blast in his speakers for the past few hours while getting ready for his ‘friendly date’ with you later, the jazz notes of her discography continuously reverberating along the walls of his flat, so much so that even Stonerland has probably had enough of listening to the same five songs—From the Start, Falling Behind, Let You Break My Heart Again, Valentine, and Promise, just the most popular ones really—in rotation by the time lunch came around because Anton unfortunately used Spotify, which was infamous for its shitty shuffle algorithm. (It was like he was stuck in a toxic relationship with the app itself, since he still refused to use Apple Music because he was too attached to the former. But that was an issue for another day.)

In hindsight, there was nothing wrong about jamming out to sappy love songs about being a hopeless romantic or plain old heartbreak while getting ready to hang out with the person he liked—the problem lied in the fact that Anton was turning into said hopeless romantic. Or, depending on the state of his relationship with you by the end of this story, he’d be heartbroken. And then he’d finally understand what Laufey was singing about in Let You Break My Heart Again, if he lacked enough self-preservation when it came to his crush on you. 

“Stonerland,” Anton called, slowly turning towards his fish’s tank. “Do you think I have a chance with her?” 

Stonerland merely twirled, before disappearing amidst the greenery of his home. That was fish code for: You’re a fucking dumbass. 

Anton sighed, even his own fish didn’t want to hear him talk about his love life. Now he felt incredibly stupid for asking a fish for advice; that’s what his friends were supposed to be for, but after practically spilling his heart out to them a few days ago, he wasn’t up to their teasing anymore. Not for a while at least. 

Left without an answer to his question, Anton slowly let the dread consume his chest. He knew that there was no point in entertaining the anxieties that came with liking someone, but he just honest to God couldn’t help it—Anton hasn’t been this nervous over a crush since high school when Wonbin told him to man up and go ask out Grace Wong to prom, and then they actually went out together for a couple months until he found out she was talking to Noah Kim from orchestra behind his back all along. Freakin’ Noah Kim who didn’t even play the cello that well. 

But that was all water under the bridge, and Anton has matured a lot since then. His feelings for you were, at the very least, real, even if he never really expected such a development in the first place. He didn’t have to meet you the way the couples in movies do with their adorable meet-cute scenes and coincidental bumping-into-each-other threaded meticulously by the hands of the scriptwriter, because he was well-past the idea of knowing he had met you online—he’s already used to getting a lot of shit for that anyway. He’s practically immune to everyone’s subtweets about him finding the love of his life on Roblox. 

And, hey, you actually ended up being local, and you had mutual friends this whole time, so it was as if the universe was practically begging for the two of you to meet!

…Anton could feel Stonerland looking at him like he was crazy, and he understood that, sort of, because he was aware that he was going down a very dark and scary path—the path to becoming a delusional freak, that is. No more love songs until he was cuffed, he decided. 

Since traffic was lighter during this hour, it only took Anton around fifteen minutes to arrive at your place. It would’ve been less than that had he not gone on a detour, but he was determined to make this the best ‘friendly date’ you’ve ever had. Anton wanted to engrave this date into your memory so well that any other date in the future would pale in comparison to him—but that was only if you two end up not working out. Big if, because Anton wasn’t even dating you yet. He was getting there—he just needed more EXP, probably. 

Once he arrived at your house, Anton parked his car on the street outside and tentatively grabbed the decent-sized bouquet of flowers sitting on his passenger seat. As he walked up to your front porch after texting you of his arrival, Anton couldn’t help the inexplicable urge to fix his hair before seeing you, only forced to stop it when he had to ring the doorbell. 

“Please don’t let it be your dad, please don’t let it be your dad…” he murmured under his breath. 

Anton immediately flinched when the door swung open without a warning, and suddenly you were standing in front of him. “Oh, hey,” you exclaimed, before your gaze flickered down to the bouquet in his hands. “This is…?” 

Anton’s breath hitches at the sight of you, and he woefully wonders if he will ever get used to seeing you in real life when you’re this beautiful in front of him—so much so that it was hard to imagine that you were the same girl who sucked so bad at video games. But he supposed that you can’t always have everything in life. 

“For you,” Anton quickly said, pushing the assortment of flowers towards your direction. “Sohee and Sungchan told me these were your favorites, so…” 

He trailed off expectantly, unable to fight off the flush affecting the tips of his ears. 

You gingerly took the bouquet from him, wordlessly staring at his gift. Anton could practically hear his heart beat wildly inside his chest while waiting for your answer, and he had to refrain himself from wincing when you finally spoke up, afraid that you didn’t like them.

“You didn’t have to, but… thanks,” you said, your lips slightly trembling in an attempt to stop yourself from smiling too widely. Anton was acting too nonchalant for your liking, so you figured you had to do the same as well. “These are really pretty, Anton.” 

Anton promised himself that he was not slipping up today. 

Not now, and definitely not ever. 

“You’re pretty.” Nevermind! Clearly he didn’t know what it meant to shut up. God. 

Your eyebrows furrowed ever-so slightly, and Anton resorted to staring at the plant-less pot of soil in your yard to avoid your imposing stare, heat rising to his cheeks from embarrassment. 

“Okaaaay, this is giving me déjà vu,” was all you said, before stepping back into your house. “I’m gonna put these away, and then we can go, yeah?” 

Anton nodded, putting his hands behind his back when you left. He tried clearing his mind by observing the layout of your home’s entrance corridor, from the coat-rack that hosted more hats and ties to the little picture frames and decorative plates hanging on the wall. From where he stood, he could see the outline of a flatscreen TV and a coffee table littered with miscellaneous things, but the mostly house was quiet except for the sound of you opening drawers in the kitchen. Anton briefly wondered what it would be like to enter your home and someday meet your family. 

You eventually came back, dusting off your hands against the fabric of your skirt before beaming up at him. 

“What’s the plan?” you asked excitedly. 

Anton merely smiled at you. “You’ll see.” 

A couple minutes later, however, Anton realized that giving you the aux was the worst mistake of his life. Your music taste wasn’t trash, per se, but when your playlist stumbled upon Jujutsu Kaisen’s season two opening song (because of course you’d have it on your playlist) halfway during the car ride, Anton should have known that you were going to put it on repeat. So much so that by the time you two arrived at your destination, Anton was pretty sure he was fluent in Japanese—something Shotaro would probably appreciate. 

But all was good, because you’ve now lost aux privileges. (You also claimed the song made you emotional, but it didn’t even have a sad progression! It was perfectly upbeat the whole time!) 

“Where are we?” you asked. 

“The aquarium,” Anton simply responded, removing his seatbelt and looking towards you with an easy grin. “Fishes, right?” 

You turned to him, smiling back. “Fishes, yeah,” you agreed, before the two of you exited the car.

Since Anton had already paid for reservations online, your entry went off without a hitch and you immediately started dragging him around the area without even giving him a chance to gather his bearings, or better yet, consult each other on where to even start. Which was fine, because it seemed like you had an idea of your own, what with the way you beckoned him to follow you around. 

“Oh, look,” Anton said, staring at familiar wide blue fish. “It’s Dory.” 

You were about to say something, until a little kid beat you to it.

“Actually, it’s a Hippo Blue Tang,” the kid, probably around nine to ten years old, said in a matter-of-fact tone, pushing his thick-framed glasses up the bridge of his nose while he looked up at the significantly taller man in front of him. “It’s a species of surgeonfish. It’s not just ‘Dory,’ and clown fishes aren’t just ‘Nemo,’ too.” 

Anton blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he immediately apologized, bending down to seem more approachable. “I didn’t know. You’re very knowledgeable, thanks for telling me.” 

“It’s okay, now you know,” the little kid replied, before turning around and leaving with his mother. 

Anton straightened up, and a small smile appeared on his face when he looked back at you. “Cute kid.” 

You stared at him silently, before you let out a thoughtful hum. 

He tilted his head to the side. “What?” 

You smiled. “Nothing, I just… that was kinda unexpected.” 

“In what way?” 

“I thought you’d say something, like, ‘erm, akshually…’ but you were surprisingly pretty nice to him.”

Anton briefly rolled his eyes, but a smile remained on his face. “That sounds like something you’d say instead, though,” he teased. 

With a huff, you bumped his shoulder with yours. “Well, yeah, because he was being such a smartass about it, but I know you’re not above saying that, too…” 

“Nah,” Anton replied softly. “Not to little kids. I’m not that mean to them.” 

You looked at him, unimpressed, but his gaze remained unwavering. You turned towards the flock of fishes swimming inside the tank. 

“Hm,” was all you said, watching as the same surgeonfish passed by, “and yet, you’re so mean to me.” 

This time, instead of white and green reflecting on your eyes, the blue of the aquarium was all Anton could see. Your eyes peacefully followed the fish swimming along the huge tank, occasionally following a certain one before losing your attention and moving on to the other. There were so many things to look at inside the aquarium’s tank, so much it had to offer in comparison to a lone betta fish inside a small one, but Anton continued staring at you like you were the only attraction in the place. 

You caught his gaze, blinking up at him confusedly. Anton promptly looked away. 

“Because you’re not a kid, duh,” he eventually said, shaking his head. “You don’t get special treatment.” 

You looked at him silently, and he returned the stare. Then, you turned on your heel and left, but not before saying, “You like me, though. That sounds special enough to me.”

Anton immediately flushed, fumbling his next words as he tried chasing after you towards the Shark Tunnel.

The two of you continued walking around the aquarium for some time more, occasionally taking individual pictures of yourselves by the huge tanks as well as having surprisingly in-depth commentary about the many sea-life creatures the aquarium had to offer. When you asked him to take photos of you with the sharks, he made sure to get all your best angles just in the slightest case you’d want to post them on social media, but when it came for his turn, he had to refrain himself from laughing at the way you went above and beyond to get his best angles. The pictures looked good in the end, however, so he surmised your flamboyant picture-taking efforts amounted to something, at least. 

Afterwards, he took you to see the starfishes, in which you then spent around ten minutes explaining how you’ve always wanted to try eating one, and how there’s a place in Japan that practiced such an idea. Anton, however, didn’t seem to share the same enthusiasm. 

“But it’s okay,” he assured, “because then you’d have more starfishes to eat, right?”

You laughed, then, and Anton could only focus on the way your eyes twinkled and the way everyone else within your vicinity ceased to exist until all he could see was you, laughing at his dumb comment. But, really, he’d let you have all the starfish you wanted just so he could continue watching you laugh and smile and lean against him until your shoulders were touching and your pinkies occasionally bumped against each other, the fish and sharks and whatever else forced to witness the two of you tiptoe along your so-called ‘friendly date’ until Anton was able to find the courage to fully take your hand in his and drag you away from the aquarium and everyone else’s curious gazes.  

But he didn’t do that, because there was that same dread occupying his chest once again—the kind that brought him back inside his room listening to Laufey and believing that his fish called him stupid for hopelessly pining after you. The kind that was just like when he stared dumbly at his phone every time he somehow messed up again by revealing bits and pieces of his thoughts to you and his friends and fans, each text he sent an evidence of how far you’ve got him dancing on the palm of your hand even if it wasn’t exactly on purpose. 

But it was Anton who set up the bait and it was him who fell for it, and now he’s here, and you’re here—and he realized that he wants so much more than what he has now. 

“You good?” you asked quietly, so only he could hear. 

“Hm? Of course,” Anton mindlessly replied, already looking at you. 

“You wanna go?” you suggested, and you were so close that Anton could see the individual strands of your eyelashes and the pores on your nose, and his eyes were about to go lower until he stopped himself from going down that scary territory. 

Friendly date. Right. 

“There's nothing else to do here anymore. And I have, like, a hundred photos of just the stingray alone,” you added, not noticing his inner turmoil. “How many pictures of the stingray do you have?”

“Like, five, I think,” Anton breathed out, an amused smile overtaking his lips. “Where do you wanna go next?”

He really only had two, and it was just of you waving at it. Who gives a shit about the stingray anyway? Definitely not Anton.

You smiled back at him. “I know a place,” you said, before taking his hand in yours and dragging him out of the aquarium.

The dread washes away before he even realized it, and suddenly the sun was a little bit brighter and the birds were singing better and the fishes were swimming faster and Anton was intertwining your fingers together like his life depended on it. 

He’s fine with this.

+

“I should have known…” Anton dryly announced. He looked down at his drink, but specifically at the image of Gojo Satoru on the drink’s cupholder staring back at him. Anton probably would have thrown the cup straight into the trash had he not already tasted it, but he didn’t, because it unfortunately tasted good. Dammit.

You laughed, taking a sip from your own cup. “It’s good, though, right?” 

“Yeah, and that’s what I hate about it. But the coconut flavor’s good.” 

“I’ve been waiting for an excuse to come here,” you said as the two of you exited the boba shop you brought him to, before crossing the street to head towards the nearby park. “So thanks for taking me out, really.” 

“Really? I would've thought you’d be the first person at the door when they announced a collab with Jujutsu Kaisen,” Anton mused, noticing the distance between your shoulders again. “Since, you know, you’re a pretty huge fan yourself.” 

It was a little after five in the afternoon when the two of you arrived at the park, and the sun was starting to set, painting the trees with its orange hues.

“Well, yeah, but it’s way more fun to go with someone,” you reasoned. 

“Why didn’t you go with Sohee instead?” 

“He’s busy with classes.” 

“Giselle?”

“Hates anime.”

“Wow. Okay, then, Ricky? Soul?  Heck—Sungchan?”

You suddenly stopped walking, and Anton was also forced to stop. He looked at you curiously, but you only looked at him with that same thoughtful expression of yours as the two of you loitered next to an empty bench and a trash can. At times like these he wished he could read your mind.

“...But I wanted to go with you,” you said, quietly, “you dummy.”

Anton raised an eyebrow in response, and you promptly looked away, taking another sip of your drink.

But a stray lock of your hair somehow ended up getting caught around your straw, and Anton moved before he could even think, untangling it for you and wordlessly tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“You’re the dummy,” he said softly. “You could have just said so; I would have gone with you anyway.” 

Actually, Anton wished for a lot of things. He wished you held his hand longer earlier—no, he wished he had the courage to hold your hand earlier when you were still walking around the aquarium. He wished that he held it when he drove you around the city and that he was able to run his thumb over your knuckles at a stop light and, if you allowed it, he’d raise it to his lips and plant a soft kiss, fleeting but real. He wished that when you two would bicker he’d be able to shut you up with merely a kiss, but Anton knew that those were only wishes in the end. And he wished he could blame Laufey and her stupid love songs stuck on repeat for such thoughts, but at the end of the day he was the one who came up with them, and he would be the one to suffer through them. 

Your breath stuttered just a little bit when you looked up at Anton, and you blinked confusedly when he hesitantly stepped back. 

“Sorry,” Anton stammered, quickly avoiding your gaze. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, saying, “Your hair—it, uh—it got caught up in the straw, so I just—yeah. Sorry, I shouldn’t have—” 

“Anton,” you cut him off. 

“Yes?” he replied a little too quickly. 

“...You like me, right?” you asked. 

Anton’s heart almost leapt out of his throat, and he thought he must have heard you wrong from how often he wore headphones for hours on end, but that didn’t seem to be the case. 

“Um,” Anton eventually said, gulping comically. “Yeah. I do. I do like you.” 

“Okay,” you simply said, chucking your now finished Gojo-themed drink into the trash can. “I like you, too.” 

A beat passed. 

Anton blinked. “What.” 

“What?” you echoed.

He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing. “You just—”  he began, before shaking his head once again to gather his thoughts. “You do know that I like you, right?” 

“Yeah…? You just said that.”

“No, like, I like-like you. Like, I like you as more than just a friend. I like you like—like in a SatoSugu way,” Anton shook his drink in front of you, making sure that the image of Gojo Satoru on the cupholder was facing your direction, as if it would get his point across. When you merely blinked back at him, he had to bite back a frustrated sigh. 

“Nevermind, that just sounds stupid; they’re not even canon,” he said, pursing his lips. He threw his empty cup into the trash can as well, before turning back towards you. 

“I like you, too,” you repeated. “I told you that already.” 

“Yeah, but the way I like you is different from the way you like me,” Anton argued, and you only looked at him in confusion. “The way I like you is because I have romantic feelings for you. Like, I want to kiss you and hold your hand all the time and stuff. I want to go on not-friendly dates with you.” 

“Okay,” you said, slowly, “so why don’t you hold my hand, then? Why don’t you kiss me now?” 

He sighed. “But you don’t—” 

Now wait a damn minute, Anton paused.

“Why not?” you impatiently asked, boldly stepping closer to him. “What’s stopping you from holding my hand and kissing me? I like you, Anton. I even held your hand earlier because you weren’t making a move on me. You just intertwined our fingers together, so I thought we were finally making some progress or something, but you never did it again. You even gave me flowers earlier; was that all just for show?” 

Anton’s breath hitched at your close proximity, stammering out, “Well, that… that’s because—” 

“Because this is just a friendly-date? It doesn’t have to be. Who cares about that anyway? It’s only words,” you continued, stepping even closer and poking through his personal bubble. But even if Anton gradually became more and more flustered, he never wavered or stepped back. “... just want to be with you.”

You took his hand in yours, slowly lacing your fingers together as you continued staring up at him with this inexplicable expression on your face. Anton couldn’t read it at all, but maybe that was because he was too busy trying to calm down his beating heart from bursting within his ribcage.

Anton proceeded to bring his free hand to cover up his reddening face, refusing to make eye contact with you. 

“...What the hell?” he whined, “where the hell did you get all this rizz from?” 

You were so, so close to him. Closer than when you were at the aquarium or when you were inside his car and it was driving Anton crazy. You were driving him crazy. This wasn’t how he panned it out at all—it wasn’t supposed to go this way. He wanted to drag it out for a couple more chapters, but no, you just had to ruin it.

You pushed his hand away. “YouTube,” you merely said, forcing him to face you properly. “A couple days ago this video popped up on my feed; it talked about how to ‘rizz’ someone up, but not, like, in a sigma-alpha kind of rizzing, you know? It sounds stupid, but it was actually pretty usefu—”

Anton deadpanned. 

What the actual hell were you even talking about.

You continued your explanation, however, ignorant of the fact that he was practically staring daggers straight into your skull. 

“..So, yeah, the guy basically said that you gotta establish your dominance to the other person if you want them to fall for—” 

“Can I kiss you?” Anton blurted out without even thinking it through; he just really wanted you to shut up about your YouTube video.

It worked, surprisingly enough. 

Your face flushed. “Oh—um, uh, sure, okay.” 

Anton blanched afterwards, not knowing what to do after that, but he eventually brought a hand up to your face, gulping down his nerves as he found eye contact with you. Your skin was soft under his touch, and Anton started to slowly map out your features—from the color of your eyes, to the curve of your nose, before focusing in on the shape of your lips, desperately waiting to be kissed. 

Anton felt his heart skip a beat. 

He untangled his other arm from yours and placed it against your other cheek, and then you were closing your eyes as soon as he started leaning in.

It probably lasted for less than five seconds, but it felt like hours when Anton held your face to kiss you. Somehow your hands had found purchase on his shoulders to stabilize yourself with, before you’re opening your eyes again and he’s slowly backing away, the distinct taste of coconut from your previous drinks lingering on your lips. 

A wide grin broke out on your face. 

“Awesome-sauce,” you whispered. “Epic first date, right?”

Anton groaned, and you only laughed at him. 

“Ugh, you weirdo,” he said, scrunching up his nose in distaste, but started smiling at seeing you enjoy yourself. “Why would you even say that in this situation…” 

You laughed again when he stole another kiss from you, pushing his face away from yours but clearly you didn’t care all that much when he was still able to land a few kisses on your cheek and at the corner of your mouth. 

“Stop it,” you giggled, your smile so wide as Anton’s arms traveled down to wrap around your waist. “We’re in public, weirdo. PDA is gross, don’t be cringe.” 

“You were the one who started it,” he hummed. You rolled your eyes when he started mimicking your voice, “You were all, like, ’Anton, why aren’t you kissing me? Anton, I like you. Anton, you’re my sigma—’” 

You gently pinched his bicep, and Anton yelped.

“Stop it already,” you grumbled. “And you’re not my sigma.” 

Anton smiled like an idiot. “But I’m your boyfriend now, right?” 

When you stayed silent, his smile gradually dropped, his hold on your waist loosening. 

“Or, I mean, we don’t have to date if you don’t want to,” he stammered, voice shaking a little. “Labels are so lame anyway. I’m down if you’re down, you know? We can be, like, totally casual, if you want that instead. Totally fine with it. I’d do anything for you, actually. But I cross the line on being a sidechick, though—I gotta have some self-respect, you know?” 

Fuuuuuck. He got way too ahead of himself. 

“...I don’t mind if you’re my boyfriend,” you quietly said, smiling shyly at him. You picked at one of the buttons of his shirt, and Anton had to physically restrain himself from drowning you in more kisses right then and there. 

He wouldn’t say he loved you just yet. Actually, Anton didn’t exactly know what he was feeling anymore, and that scared him just a little bit, but what he did know was that Anton really, really liked you. Sure, kissing on the first date was a little crazy, but at this point, nothing mattered anymore. It was easy to predict where he’d end up by the end of this all, and he really wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Because now he can finally listen to Laufey and smile in assurance that his love life didn’t reflect her songs; he can flip Stonerland off for fueling the doubts of his mind; and he can announce to the world that he finally has a girlfriend after years of wasting away his youth live streaming himself playing games. (Actually, the haters would probably come for your ass if he ever revealed your relationship, so he probably should think that through for some time more.) But most importantly, Anton can finally stop wishing for things that are now available to him—he can hold your hand whenever he wanted, he can kiss your knuckles whenever he felt like it, and he can lean over the armrest to steal a kiss from you at a stop light (and also risk getting honked by the car behind him when it quickly turns green, but that’s okay). 

“You wanna call it a day?” Anton suggested, bringing your hand up to finally do what he’s been waiting all this time. He softly landed a kiss on your knuckles, fighting the urge to squeal like a little girl over his own actions. “And then we plan a not-friendly date this time?”

“Okay,” you responded, smiling brightly. 

Life was good. Anton felt good. 

“Get a fucking room!” 

The two of you quickly turned your heads around, your hearts practically dropping to your stomachs after finding an old man who sat at a different bench glaring at you. He held a half-eaten sandwich in his grasp, and he glowered at you like you’ve personally wronged him. Which, based on his reaction to you simply existing, you probably did. 

“Teenagers these days…” he muttered, shaking his head before turning away. 

“We’re adults, but, okay,” Anton meekly replied. You snorted, and the two of you started walking towards his car.

“Not like it makes a difference for him, he’s too old to know,” you said as Anton held the door open for you. 

“Oh, so you’re ageist now,” Anton commented dryly, before shutting the door and entering on the driver’s side. 

You shrugged as you buckled in, saying, “Well, you’re dating an ageist,” was your lame defense. “So—guilty by association.” 

Anton rolled his eyes and started the car, before driving out of the street. “I guess they’re my type.” 

“You’re cringe.” 

“You’re dating someone cringe.” 

“I hate you,” you deadpanned, but didn’t resist when Anton laced your hands together above the arm rest. “Can I be on aux?” 

“Hell, no. I’m putting on Laufey.” 

“Fine,” you grumbled as Anton connected his phone to the car. After a couple seconds of letting Laufey’s song play out, you turned to him again, asking, “You wanna play a game later?” 

“What game?”

“Roblox Altitorture, duh.” 

“I’m gonna crash this car.” 

(Friendly-but-not-really-friendly date: success.)

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SYNOPSIS. not everyone is good at playing obby’s on roblox, and you’re no exception to this rule: after a particularly nasty encounter with another player on roblox’s altitorture, you log into twitter only to find out that the very same player who publicly dunked on your gaming skills turns out to be anton lee, a well-known streamer who also happens to be a friend of a friend. fed up with his fans bombarding your dms with teasing remarks or jealous musings, you decide to end it once and for all by appearing on his next stream with a promise to get through an obby successfully. however, you realize that the only thing you’ll be successful at is falling for anton lee instead.

AUTHOR'S NOTE. sorry for the long wait orz!!! but it's finally here 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ngl u guys i cringe really badly when i have to write kiss scenes n all that sappy stuff so this was kinda hard on me lawl... ALSO WE ARE SO CLOSE TO THE END!!!! #y/nton_canon_finally (ALSO I DONT PLAY ABOUT THE ALLEY’S JJK COLLAB THAT SHI WAS GOOD ASL) lordddd

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