#i do this like once every 3 months on here

[avonnimimi]

Can you write a parallel story of making sevika jealous. How would she react? 😏

of course i can pretty girl😉

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Hers

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a/n: Here you go anon<3 I hope you enjoy, and i switched it up a little ;) I tried to make it extra special since you’re the first to send an ask ☺️ also i’m a firm believer that sevika has a daddy kink. MEN AND MINORS DNI

content: dom!sevika, mean!sevika, strap-on-sex (r!receiving), cunnilingus (r!receiving), face-sitting, overstimulation, semi-public sex, finger sucking, throat fucking, choking, two pussy slaps, degrading, name calling, daddy kink, bratty!reader, multiple + forced orgasms. lmk if i missed anything!

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Ordinarily, you wouldn’t have dared to be so bold, but Sevika had been a really mean to you today. First, she told you no when you tried to get three large ice creams from the truck. Then, she shut you down when you wanted to buy those $300 heels you’d been obsessing over online. And last, like the cherry on top, she hit you with; “You can’t always get what you want.”

It burned. So, you decided to be petty.

Tonight was one of your once-a-month traditions: a night at the club with Sevika. She was already at the bar, ordering her usual drink. You didn’t even wait for her to turn around before heading to the dance floor, your mind made up.

You scanned the room, searching for your victim. It didn’t take long. Dark eyes met yours from across the crowd, already locked on you. He was watching you like he’d been waiting all night. You smirked, letting your hips sway as you walked toward him, the hem of your mini skirt riding higher with every step. When you reached him, you grabbed his hand, pulling him closer until your ass pressed firmly against his crotch. The music pulsed around you, but all you could hear was the sound of your own heart pounding.

You started to move, grinding against him. His hands gripped your hips, guiding your rhythm. You felt him harden against you, and for a second, nausea twisted in your stomach. But you swallowed it down. This wasn’t about him. This was about Sevika.

Your eyes flicked to the bar. There she was, sitting with her drink in hand, her gaze fixed on you. She didn’t look mad. She didn’t even look fazed. If anything, she looked…amused.

The heat of embarrassment flushed your cheeks. You were doing all this to get her attention, to rile her up, and she didn’t even care. You watched as she downed the rest of her drink, set the glass down, and stood. Your heart dropped. She wasn’t coming to you. She was walking toward the bathrooms.

The sting of rejection hit harder than you expected, twisting your chest tight. You pulled away from the guy without a word, ignoring his protests, and followed her. The anger bubbling inside you felt like it was about to spill over.

You pushed open the bathroom door, ready to confront her, but before you could even call her name, a strong hand yanked you inside, slamming you against the tiled wall, the door clicking shut behind you. The sound of the lock turning made your stomach flip.

It was Sevika. You didn’t need to see her face to know. Her scent, smoky and electric, was unmistakable. Her body pressed against yours, her hips flush with your ass. You gasped as you felt the hard bulge in her pants press against you. Your knees almost buckled.

“Tryna make me jealous, trouble?” she asked, her voice low and deadly, the amusement in it making your thighs clench.

You didn’t answer, biting your lip to keep the words at bay. That only made her laugh, a deep, throaty chuckle that sent a shiver down your spine.

“Cute,” she murmured, before her hands grabbed the hem of your mini skirt and yanked it down your thighs. The fabric pooled at your feet. Then, she spun you around, her hands firm on your shoulders as she pushed you down to your knees.

She unzipped her pants, and her strap sprung free, thick and heavy. Your mouth watered at the sight, but you didn’t move. You just looked up at her, wide-eyed and defiant.

“Open,” she growled, her voice sharp and commanding.

You shook your head, a small, “No,” slipping from your lips before you could stop yourself.

Wrong move. Sevika’s hand shot out, grabbing your face and squeezing your cheeks hard enough to make you cry out. Then, with no warning, she shoved her cock between your lips, pushing it deep into your throat.

You gagged, your hands flying to her hips in a weak attempt to push her back, but it only made her thrust deeper. Tears pricked your eyes as she fucked your throat, her pace merciless. Your body betrayed you, heat pooling in your core as the wetness between your legs grew.

“Yeah, that’s it,” she groaned, her voice rough. Her boot shifted, the toe pressing against your clit through your soaked panties. The pressure made you moan around her cock, your hips instinctively grinding against her boot.

“You know what to do,” she taunted. And you did. You bucked your hips, grinding down harder, chasing the friction as you sucked and licked at her tip. You could feel her watching you, her dark eyes burning into you. “Look at you,” she sneered, her voice dripping with condescension. “Such a pretty little bitch in heat.”

Your cheeks burned, but you didn’t stop. You couldn’t. Not until she pulled back, her cock slipping from your lips with a wet pop. You whined at the loss, your hips stuttering as you found an angle that dragged against your clit perfectly.

“Pathetic,” she muttered, grabbing your arm and hauling you to your feet. She dragged you to the sink, bending you over the counter. The mirror reflected your flushed face, your lips swollen, your eyes glassy. Sevika’s hand ran down your back before hooking into your thong and tearing it clean off.

She spread your legs wide, one hand gripping your hip while the other slapped your clit hard. You yelped, the sting sharp and sudden. But before you could recover, her cock was rubbing against your soaked slit, teasing you.

And then she shoved it in.all of it.

You screamed, your hands flying to the edges of the sink to hold yourself steady. She didn’t wait, didn’t give you time to adjust. Her hips slammed into yours over and over, her cock hitting so deep you thought you might break.

“Look at yourself,” she growled, grabbing a fistful of your hair and yanking your head up so you were forced to meet your reflection. “You see what a nasty little fucktoy you are?”

Your lip trembled. You wanted to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, but all you could do was whimper as she fucked you harder, her hips snapping against yours with brutal precision.

“You think that little boy out there could fuck you like this?” she sneered, her voice dripping with disdain.

“N-no, daddy!” you cried, your thighs shaking, your body already teetering on the edge.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she spat, her pace quickening. “Now cum. Cum all over this dick, trouble.”

Her words sent you spiraling. Your body tensed, then shattered, pleasure crashing over you in waves so intense you couldn’t even think. Your pussy clenched tight around her cock, your moans echoing in the small bathroom.

But she didn’t stop. Her thrusts stayed relentless, pulling you from one orgasm straight into the next. Tears streamed down your face, your body trembling from overstimulation.

“Aww, poor baby,” she cooed mockingly, her hand pressing against your stomach, right where her cock was buried deep inside you. “Too much? Or do you love it, slut?”

“Yes!” you sobbed, nodding frantically. “Love it, daddy! Fuck, I love it s’much…”

Your words only spurred her on. She slapped your ass hard, the sound echoing around you. “Good girl,” she growled. “Now cum again.”

And you did. Harder than before, your body writhing as you squirted all over her cock. You were a mess, completely undone, but Sevika wasn’t finished. She pulled out, spinning you around and sitting you on the counter, immediately dropping to her knees.

“Lemme taste,” she said, her voice rough with need.

Her tongue found your clit instantly, sucking and flicking it with no mercy. Your thighs twitched, your body jerking as you cried out, the pleasure almost too much. She didn’t stop, didn’t let up, her tongue dipping into your cunt before returning to your clit.

Your hips jerk up, desperate, fucking yourself against her tongue until she growls and forces your hips down, sucking your clit so hard you can’t stop the scream tearing out of your throat as you cum again. “F-fuck, daddy!” Your hands tangle in her hair, pulling, holding on for dear life as your body grinds into her face, completely out of control, lost in it.

Sevika doesn’t even give you time to recover. She’s up in an instant, her hand wrapping tight around your throat, pinning you to the mirror as two of her thick fingers slam into your dripping cunt. You gasp, legs spreading wider, chasing the stretch, the pressure. “You wanna cum again?” she growls, and all you can do is nod, your voice gone. You need it, fuck, you need her so bad it’s making you ache.

Her fingers curl, hitting that spot inside you like she’s mapped you out, like she owns you. You sob, your hands clutching at her wrist, thighs trembling as she works you open. “Please,” you whimper, sounding pathetic and raw, but you don’t care. She’s fucking you so deep, so good, you’d sell your soul just to keep her there forever.

“God, I love when you’re a brat,” Sevika groans, her voice low and wrecked, her thumb swiping over your clit just to watch you twitch. “Gives me an excuse to ruin this pussy, stuff it full, make it mine.” Her lips curl into a smirk, her eyes dark as she leans in closer. “Look at me.”

You try, you fucking try, but your eyes roll back as your orgasm claws its way up, your walls fluttering around her fingers. The pressure is unbearable, and your body’s trembling so hard you think you might shatter. “Fuck, Sevika—”

“Yeah, that’s it,” she hisses, watching your body give up to her. Her grip on your throat tightens just enough to make your head spin, and then she’s pulling you into a messy, brutal kiss, her tongue dominating yours, kissing all the air out of your lungs. You cum hard, your whole body locking up as you squirt all over her hand, soaking her wrist, the floor, everything.

She doesn’t stop until you’re shaking, until you’re gasping for breath. Pulling her fingers out, she doesn’t even hesitate before shoving them against your lips. “Open,” she demands, and you obey immediately, sucking them clean, tasting yourself on her skin. You’re still trying to catch your breath when her other hand comes down, slapping your oversensitive pussy, making you yelp.

“Good fucking girl,” Sevika mutters, her voice thick with pride as she leans down to kiss you again, stealing the last bit of air you have left.

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this is my original post, please don’t repost, translate, or plagiarize my work ;)

©️avonnimimi 2024

[swappermanent]

Freckles (Part 3 - Grandpa's POV)

Life has changed a lot for me in the past nine months. You don’t realize just how much you miss about being young until you’ve got it back. I thought I had a good handle on things, swapping into Dylan every summer like clockwork. A week here, a week there—it was enough to scratch the itch, to remind me of what it felt like to have a strong back, quick reflexes, and boundless energy. But let me tell you, living in a young body for this long? It’s different. Night and day.

Kai—no, Theo now—was right. I’ll admit it. I was reluctant when he first said it to me, standing there in that smug stance of his, shirtless as always, grinning like he had the world figured out. “You clearly get a kick out of being in Dylan’s body,” he said, his tone dripping with knowing amusement. And damn if he didn’t have a point.

I hesitated back then, but looking at me now? I owe Theo a massive thank-you. Staying in Dylan’s body for longer than a week was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For one thing, there’s a kind of freedom that comes with being young and I’ve been taking full advantage of it.

I live in Berlin now. Thanks to my little caveat—"Feel free to alter your body in any way you see fit during the year"—it was totally in bounds to do something like this. A new life, a fresh start. Berlin seemed like the obvious choice. The city practically begs you to reinvent yourself, to explore every side of who you are, no matter how deeply it’s been buried.

The real Dylan wasn’t thrilled about the move, but what could he do? We all already had Irish passports anyway, so it wasn’t like there were any logistical hurdles. He’ll get over it, I’m sure. Honestly, though, I think he’s secretly jealous.

Besides, this is the perfect place to explore my sexuality. Everyone here is so open—no judgment, no shame. I’ve had sex in all the clubs, even in the middle of Tempelhof Feld. Men, women—it doesn’t matter. And let me tell you, everyone wants my hog and body, which is in peak form.

But the best night I’ve had was one where I wasn’t taking the active role in the encounter.. I’d been getting into leather lately, exploring the scene and one night, I found myself at a warehouse party. Dim red lights, pounding music, the smell of sweat and leather mingling in the air. I was dressed for the occasion—harness, boots, nothing else.

That’s where I met them. A Swedish guy, tall and broad-shouldered, with blond hair and piercing eyes that pinned me in place. And a Bulgarian guy, muscular, his dark eyes smoldering with a confidence that left no room for argument. They didn’t ask; they just knew I would take it.

And I did.

They worked together like a symphony, positioning me between them with practiced ease. The Bulgarian was the first to push inside, his cock thick and unrelenting. I gasped, clutching at his shoulders as he filled me, stretching me in a way that felt like too much and just enough all at once. And then, the Swedish guy. His cock pressed against me, slick and insistent, until he slid in beside the first, my body opening up to take them both.

I’d never felt anything like it—the fullness, the weight of them moving in tandem, their rhythm so perfectly in sync it felt orchestrated. One of them reached around to stroke my cock, his grip firm and knowing, while the other’s hand moved to my chest, teasing my nipples until I was trembling. The pleasure was overwhelming, building in waves that crashed over me again and again, each one higher than the last.

When I finally came, it was like the entire world blurred out of existence. My cock pulsed in the Swedish guy’s hand, the orgasm tearing through me with a force that left me breathless. My legs nearly gave out, but they held me steady, their movements never faltering as they milked every last drop of pleasure from my body. By the time they finished, I was spent, my skin slick with sweat, my heart pounding like I’d run a marathon.

That night changed something in me. It wasn’t just the sex—it was the surrender, the freedom of letting go completely. Afterward, they helped me clean up, their touches surprisingly gentle, and we shared drinks at the bar, laughing and swapping stories like old friends.

And now? Well I think I’m officially a Berliner.

[burdsandwurds]

so, i want to preface this with a disclaimer by saying i’m not a financial advisor of any type. certified, uncertified, hobbyist, or anything of the sort. i’m just a scrub who barely knows his left hand from his right. if you’re thinking about getting your retirement accounts set up, do your research, talk to a financial advisor or two, talk to your hr rep, get some help in this area.

that all said, i’m seeing a couple of comments to this post such as ‘i don’t have a job that has retirement accounts options’ or ‘money is really tight these days.’ i can’t stress enough that that’s totally understandable. i get that and i personally feel that. i want to say you’re not completely stuck though. if your employer doesn’t offer a 401k or a pension or something similar, you can always get an ira set up. they work a little bit different from a 401k, but they let you save up for retirement in similar ways. there’s a ton of businesses that offer them too, from banks and credit unions to brokerage firms. once again, do your research before getting one.

but let’s look at some math now. ask yourself, can you find a way to save $3 a day? i can. all i have to do is kick a habit like a daily red bull and i’m already there. chances are almost everyone reading this can find a way to save three bucks a day. that’s $20 a week right there in our pockets. if we saved that each week, at the end of the year, we’d have $1,040 leftover.

now let’s take a look at some math. if we save that $20 a week for 15 years, we’ll have $15,600 to show for it. if every five years though, we find a way to add an additional $10 to what we save every week, we’ll have $23,400.

here’s how the math plays out so far . . .

that’s not a ::ton:: of money, but for a few bucks a day, that’s not bad.

now, let’s see what happens if, instead of parking that money in a savings account, we open up a retirement account and park it there instead. for the sake of simplicity in illustrating my point, i’m just going to pretend that our money grows steadily at 8% every year. that’s not how things work in reality, as some months it’ll grow faster and some months it’ll grow slower and during periods of corrections, the value of our retirement accounts will actually drop. our retirement accounts purchase stocks and bonds, so they’re at the whims of the stock market, global economic sentiment, bank behaviors, and the sort. as a result, during rough economic times, we’re gonna take a hit. in general though, we’re assuming the markets are gonna continue their trends of long term growth. if they don’t though, the economy will be in such hot water that our retirement funds won’t matter anyway.

but let’s take a look at what happens to our money every year, over the course of fifteen years, assuming a steady 8% growth.

that $23k and change? it becomes almost $42k. it almost doubled.

to make it more dramatic, i added five more years saving $50 a week.

my point is, this stuff adds up over time and the anonymous commenter behind this post is right. the earlier you start saving, the more power your money has to grow.

now, are you gonna be able to retire on $78k? no. but that’s certainly gonna come in handy in later years. and of course, the more you save and the sooner you save it, the more your account will grow (hopefully).

once again, to end this, this is ::not:: professional advice. if you want to set up a retirement account and have questions, definitely talk to a professional who can help you. i’m just a faceless man on the internet and we all know, you have to take what we say we skepticism and caution.

edit: and because i couldn’t leave well enough alone, i added one more decade of saving.

This isn’t a fuck managers or customers or anything of the sort, but I view you as a labor rights kind of blog so I was hoping you could share two things with your readers for me?

First of all, tell anyone and everyone who is willing to listen to take retirement seriously as early as possible. I’m entering into my 40s with less than $30,000 in my retirement funds because I just never cared. I did some rough math and figured that if I had started contributing to my 401ks when they were offered to me in my early twenties, depending on how much I put away I’d have anywhere from $300-750,000 by now. I fucked myself sooo hard not taking this shit seriously and now I’m playing catch up. 401k, 457b, IRA, what the fuck ever. Tell people to get then and get them early and fucking slam money into it whenever they can.

Second, those employee feedback surveys? They can make a difference. A bunch of people in our company complained that our competitor’s starting pay was $2 an hour more than what we got paid. A few months after the survey we all got notified by HR and our store managers that there was a “mistake” in how payroll was calculated. Across the board everyone got a raise with two months back pay. We didn’t get $2 an hour more, but depending on numbers of years worked it averaged from $.50-1.50.

So yeah. I don’t know. Fucking tell people.

Posted by admin Rodney

[earl-grey-teacake]

F1 Star Wars AU- Loscar and Brocedes

I’m rewatch The Clone Wars and this has been stuck in my head since this morning.

Mainly takes place post-war

**** If I write this, it would be a couple one-shot. If you want to write something based off this, feel free. Just let me know since I want to read it.

Loscar

Logan and Oscar grew up in the temple and were best friends. However, at 13 years old, Oscar was chosen as Webber’s padawan and secured his position in the Jedi temple. Meanwhile, Logan was left unchosen. Jedi Knight Jenson Button has wanted to take him in as a padawan but his request was denied by the council. Downtrodden and with only the Corp left as an option, Logan decides to leave the order and return home to his planet of Sabal.

Logan and Oscar lose contact until 5 years later when their paths cross in the midst of a war zone. A diplomatic envoy to provide relief aid to refugees is attacked and taken hostage. Oscar and his master come to the rescue, and Oscar ends up carrying Logan across a war zone to safety. After 2 months of providing security detail, they part ways again. Logan back to his home and Oscar to the front lines of the war. They never contact each other after that.

3 years later, now with the war ended, the Jedi are doing some soul searching of their own and coming to terms with the fact that their role as peacekeepers has been replaced with soldier and that they have moved too away from the light to the point they did not realize a Sith Lord was right under their nose. It is also at this time that Logan returns to Coruscant in 8 years, now as a junior representative under Senator Kirkwood.

Oscar-calm, collect, model Jedi Oscar- is desperate to see Logan again. The war had taught just how quick death could come and how much he missed Logan. Logan, however, is careful to avoid Oscar. He knows Jedi shouldn’t have emotional attachments and he’s not willing to put his heart on the line again, especially how it was crushed so many years ago. Oscar’s opposition however, is not himself, but rather the Jedi Code and the one Jedi Master who hadn’t learned a single thing and seems hell bent on enforcing the most traditionalist reading of it, James Vowles.

Logan, due to his works, is the target of many assassination attempts and requires a Jedi security detail. To avoid any attachment, the council refuses Oscar’s bid and sends Alex instead. Downside is Logan is charming and kind and Alex seems to have adopted him like the many Tookas he has in hidden in his room.

This attachment is obvious, and James being the hater that he is, has Alex is removed and replaced with George. George goes in with his game face on but quickly understands why Alex loved this kid so much and has also adopted him. He is then replaced with Fredrick Vesti, who is also removed and replaced with Jenson.

It also doesn't help that Logan has also bonded with his Jedi protectors and sends them stuff as thank you, mainly in the form of homemade baked goods. Alex comes with a case full of delicious strawberry tarts after a conference in Naboo. George receives a tray of brownies a week after accompanying Logan on a trade deal. Jenson receives muffins every week to accompany his morning cup of tea. Meanwhile, Oscar is gnawing at the bars of his enclosure as his attempts to meet Logan for a meal are rejected.

Brocedes

I know what you're thinking. Jedi Lewis and Senator Nico in a combination of hidden marriage and that one scene where Obi Wan is debating Satine about the necessity of war. To which I say, close but not quite.

Lewis and Nico grew up in the temple together and became padawans at the exact same time. Nico as the padawan of Jedi Master Schumacher and Lewis as the padawan of Jedi Master Lauda. They were best friends, but also something more.

However, once the war approached, Lewis quickly became disillusioned. He was a jedi to be a peacekeeper, a diplomat, yet here and now, he was a general. Nico, however, felt that fighting and leading this war was the responsibility of the Jedi. They are fighting to end this war.

Unable to take it anymore, Lewis sheds his status as a Jedi and enters politics as a representative and later a senator with the goal to end this war. Nico takes this as betrayal and in the year of Lewis's election, runs a smear campaign against him. During this time, Supreme Chancellor Helmut Marko is revealed to be a Sith lord and dies. Some say Lewis killed him, some say Max shoved him out a window, most believe his racist heart gave up and stopped and he fell off a loading platform. Either way he's dead and Lewis has been elected into the position of Supreme Chancellor.

With the war now ended, Nico is eager to repair their broken relationship and reignite the love they once had. Lewis would prefer the Jedi Council send him a different Jedi as security detail because he is very busy repairing the galaxy is the aftermath of a brutal war.

****

Lewis could feel that his headache-inducing day would not be ending anytime soon. It was bad enough the financial guilds wanted to raise the interest rates on loans but now he would have to deal with this mess.

Opening the door, he found the Jedi Master Nico Rosberg lying across his table with his head resting in his hand. "Hello, Chancellor."

"Hello, Jedi." With a wave of the force, Lewis sent Nico flying off the table.

"Aww, that's not nice. Especially since I'm here to protect you and all." Nico sauntered over to the couch as Lewis took a seat at his desk.

"I believe I requested Master Russel and Master Verstappen, even Master Albon will do." Lewis would much rather have his former padawans or the most calm and levelheaded Jedi of their generation over this.

"Well, George and Max are currently not on good terms and the council feared it would jeopardize your security." Of course they were. Training them together was tough, he still blames Kimi's refusal to have a padawan as the reason he was stuck with two. "Alex and Oscar are currently guarding Representative Sargeant and Senator Kirkwood so they're also unavailable."

"Was there no one else the order could spare? Surely the Council would not waste the time of a Jedi Master such as you on protecting someone as lowly as me. Especially since the only event this week is a charity gala." Lewis went through his calendar to see what he had next, avoiding the gentle tug on the force bond that neither of them had the heart to cut when it all fell apart.

"A charity gala is extremely risky. With all those important people there, someone has to watch your back Chancellor." Nico smiled like a loth-cat.

"Oh," Lewis raised an eyebrow. "And does this protection only extend to me or to my date as well?"

A twitch of the eyebrow and the forceful tug on the force bond, was all Lewis needed.

"I'm afraid it only extends to the Chancellor." Nico said through gritted teeth.

**** If you want more of these, just let me know.

[iglowindark]

@sideguitars and @makicarn you may regret engaging me about my 2025 Pasta Shape Rubric of Awesome (TM). 😜

i was getting quite annoyed with the New Year's Resolution questions from friends and fam - like, i consistently fail to overhaul my life during the other 11 months of the year, why would January be a magical success month? but i was also bumming everyone out during Resolution Reveals so i decided to pick something that would be fun for me and mildly upsetting for my elders!

the initial format was to "try every pasta shape in 2025". but. there are more than 400 pasta shapes. do you know how often i would have to eat pasta to accomplish this? i mean, i had to use a calculator because i forgot a year had 365 days, but it's MORE THAN ONCE PER DAY. i love pasta, but i also love other food, and i need to leave room in my life for every other cuisine.

so then i settled on "52 pasta shapes in 2025" - but glowy! (you might say) how will you decide which 52 pasta shapes to eat??? out of more than 400???

the answer is, of course: arbitrarily! but with a spreadsheet twist, because my first love in life is hot sauce, and my second love in life is a spreadsheet - no, i lied, i forgot about ms underfoot 😸, ok, she's #1, then hot sauce, then spreadsheets, then probably my family i guess.

ok, so please understand, i literally spent 7 hours and 40ish minutes over the past week assembling, editing, auditing, and admiring this spreadsheet. i started with trusty wikipedia, which helpfully broke down pasta shapes into groups like "long/medium" and "short cut" and "soup". it also had a group for "filled", but maki, sorry to say, this group i eliminated wholesale. there was just so much variation in what they might be filled WITH, and i needed some sort of control element. i didn't think it would be fair to compare cheese ravioli with 3-cheese tortellini? the cheeses are not equal! 🧀🧀🧀

so THEN: i did my own sub-grouping. (actually, first i split long and medium into their own groups, because, duh, they're different) long-flat and long-rolled, for example. i also started combining shapes that were really similar. like linguini and tagliatelle are kinda just the same noodle with slightly different widths/shapes/ingredients? (please, nonnas of the world, do not come for me in the comments, this was SO HARD). this part involved a lot of googling. my ad content for the next 4 months is gonna be all pasta related. through many gruelling rounds of re-googling to remind myself what shape was what, and some painful, tearful cuts (lasagne noodles are for lasagne, not for unserious noodle frippery) i finally finally finally culled my list down to 52 pasta shapes. 🍝 (editor's note: the single emoji does not represent this publication's favored pasta shape)

then the FUN part: how was i going to score these 52 pasta shapes? every google result went to pains to insist that different shapes were meant for specific sauces, and i'm sure that's true, but what's the fun in scoring something based on what it's meant to do? (also i didn't want to commit to having to make 52 different sauces/soups) so i came up with this scientifically rigorous scoring rubric:

BUTTERED/RED SAUCED (depending on my mood and whether or not i have red sauce available)

a pasta may earn up to one (1) point for being really good at holding butter/red sauce

a pasta cannot lose points in this category

PRIMAVERA (my version of primavera just means that i diced up whatever veggies i had handy and tossed them w/ the pasta)

a pasta may earn up to one (1) point if i can make one perfect bite that includes veggies/sauce/pasta

a pasta cannot lose points in this category

ALTERNATE USES

a pasta may earn one (1) point (max 5 points) for every non-food alternate use that i can dream up. for example, orecchiette could be used as hats for frogs! or to decorate the ramparts of a sand castle! 2 points for orecchiette!

a pasta may not lose points in this category

MISC/GENERAL (here's where i let my freak flag fly)

a pasta may earn one (1) point if i think the name is fun to say

a pasta may earn one (1) point if i think the shape is "cute"

a pasta may earn one (1) point if it works in a soup

a pasta may earn one (1) point if it might stick (cooked) on the ceiling

a pasta may earn one (1) point if it could probably be used to build a bridge for matchbox cars

a pasta may lose one (1) point if it sticks together unreasonably

a pasta may lose one (1) point if water gets stuck in it and surprises me with pasta water bites

a pasta may lose one (1) point if i can't eat it with a spoon

a pasta may lose one (1) point if it won't fit in a pot without being broken up

a pasta may lose one (1) point if it breaks when dropped from 5 feet (dried and uncooked)

all pasta shapes must be eaten twice (once with butter or red sauce, and once in a primavera), and once i've submitted my scores to myself, i cannot be influenced or bribed to change them. at the end of the year, a Champion Pasta Shape will be announced and celebrated.

so... was that a lot of senseless work for an absolutely pointless goal just so i can eat lots of pasta? heck yeah it was!!

[rafesangelita]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ everyone is lucky farmer’s!daughter!reader is in a jail cell when she finds out her favorite sheriff isn’t around because he’s on a date with another woman..

warnings: mentions of being groped in public, just a little bit of southern dialect, small town gossip, mentions of jj x reader, lots of comebacks and insults, jealousy, implied age gap, reader stays the night in jail, hitting, very slight physical altercation, reassurance, comfort (?), little bit of kissing, suggestive ending

a/n: read more of sheriff!rafe and farmer’s!daughter!reader here <3 i would say this particular situation takes place in the beginning stages of their complicated relationship lol. also feel free to request for this pairing!

wc: 1.5k

“what did she do this time?” sheriff thornton looked up from his desk, an amused smile playing on his lips as you glared at him from under your lashes. “she threw drinks over at keith’s son, ‘said he groped her and all hell broke loose.” your wrists ached as the metal of the handcuffs dug into your skin, your boots scuffing the concrete flooring before the sheriff behind you plopped you down in a chair. “she gave me a hard time and resisted arrest, so now she’s here.” you scoffed at his words, a bitter laugh emitting from your throat. “i gave you a hard time because you tried to apprehend me before the asshole that started it!”

both of them ignored you, leaving you to sit uncomfortably in the main office while bryan, the newest rookie in the department, got your paperwork together. “uhm— do you have anyone you could call? it looks like you’re going to stay the night in here..” he looked almost scared as he broke the news to you, his eyes blinking rapidly as you shot daggers at him from where you sat. “are you pulling my leg?” you narrowed your gaze, “there’s no way in hell i’m spending the night here.” you shook your head, hopping onto your feet. just then, topper came in and sat you back down.

“i’m already in the shit house with rafe for manhandling you last time, don’t make me do it again.” speaking of rafe.. “you’re not scaring anybody, topper.” you used his first name against him, catching him off guard. “where’s sheriff cameron, anyways? i’m sure he’d love to know that you haven’t fixed my skirt since i’ve gotten here. i think the new boy has already stolen a peek at my underwear.” bryan’s eyes widened at your words. “i haven’t, miss, i swear!” topper glanced over at him with irritation evident on his face. “she’s fuckin’ with you kid, jesus.”

dragging you up by your arm, topper lead you to the back where the holding cells were. “it’s a shame you’re wearing nearly nothing,” he shoved you inside, “it’s gets pretty cold in here.” you cursed under your breath when he finally uncuffed you, your fingers itching to punch him square in the mouth. he watched as you adjusted your denim mini skirt, his eyes trailing down your bare legs. “you’re a mystery, y’know.. ‘way too young to be acting up like this.” if you had a penny for every time someone brought up your age, you’d have enough money to leave this shitty town and never look back.

“and you’re just annoying.” you rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest before sitting at the edge of the cold steel bed. you should’ve been used to the discomfort by now, considering you’re here at least once a month, but you still couldn’t help but shiver at the harsh contact. “i need to talk to sheriff cameron. i shouldn’t even be here.” topper walked out of the cell, locking it shut behind him. “yeah, well he’s not on duty tonight. my pal finally scored himself a date.” he laughed. you felt your stomach twist at his words. not a damn thing was funny. “what did you say?” your voice was barely above a whisper when you looked up at him and met his eyes.

“yeah,” he nodded, “me and the department decided we’d stitch him up with ms. belle, she teaches the children’s sunday school down at the church.” he winked. your leg was bouncing now, your chest heaving with anger as your eyes brimmed with tears. “who knows, maybe after tonight they’ll be the newlyweds of the town.” you looked down at your feet before topper could question anything, your nails digging crescents into the palm of your hand. once you heard the heavy metal door slam shut, you covered your mouth with your hand as tight as you could and screamed.

rafe was so scared of what people would think of you two, he never showed you affection in public, let alone take you out on a proper date, yet here he was; willingly taking someone else. no matter how many times you told him you didn’t care about what anyone thought, he insisted that it was for your own good that no one saw you running around with a man who was much older than you were. the people of this town were far too judgmental to just accept something like what you and rafe had. figuring it was pointless to use your one free phone call, you settled into the hard surface before curling up and shivering yourself to sleep.

“y/n..” it was the next morning, and you were far from letting go of the information you found out last night. “y/n, you’re free to go.” your eyes were open as rafe patted your back lightly, his touch only fueling you with pent up anger. turning around, you shoved his hand away, your eyes bloodshot from crying so much. “don’t touch me again,” you hissed, “not ever.” rafe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as you got up on sore legs. “i had to stay here all because you were too busy with someone else!” you spat, shoving him again except this time in his chest.

“hey, you stop that!” he said through gritted teeth, shooting up to his feet before backing you up against the cement wall. “i hate you!” you whispered, attempting to get out of his grip. your efforts were deemed useless of course, your strength being nothing compared to his. “no you don’t.” he pinned your wrists down by your sides. he hated when you said shit like that, then again he knew you had every right to feel the way you did. nothing about your shared arrangement was fair, especially for you. “i went on that date for the sake of getting everyone off of my back, alright? it didn’t mean a thing.”

you laughed, avoiding his heated gaze. “well surely it meant something, because you agreed. you agreed and got ready and dressed nicely for her. you fixed your hair, you shaved, you put on your best smelling cologne and you picked her up. don’t you dare tell me it didn’t mean nothing when you put in that much effort.” rafe blinked, his nostrils flaring as he cupped your chin and forced you to look at him. “it didn’t mean a thing.” he repeated. you stared at him, reading his eyes as best as you could. “sure.” to say you were hurt would be an understatement.

“i mean it,” he started, “i did it for appearances. i’ve never been married, i don’t have any children. people talk around here, y/n, and just recently did i hear something about us both. people are catching onto your ‘get out of jail’ free card, and you could only imagine what their reasoning for that was.” he grimaced, recalling the disgusting words filtering the air of the diner where he drank his morning coffee. while the claims weren’t completely false, his said intentions couldn’t be more wrong. “rafe,” you glared at him, “i. don’t. care.” not wanting to rile you up any further, he let go of you before you could get the bright idea to knee him in his manhood.

“you know.. how do you think i feel when i have to see you around here kissing jj fuckin’ maybank, and i can’t do shit about it, huh? how do you think i feel when i see him have his hands all over you? you think i like that shit?” you rolled your eyes, about to step out of the open cell before he shut it closed. “why do you do that? why do you get joy out of pissing me off?” rafe caged you between his arms, his gun holster digging into your hip.

“first of all, i’m keeping up appearances just like you.” you stood up on your tippy toes, pecking his cheek before you placed your lips right next to his ear. “and secondly; you only act like you care about me when i’m all over someone else. it’s either that or i have to get into legal trouble just to get you to myself. so you try to imagine what that makes me feel like.” you pulled him close by the buckle of his belt, his large hands finding your hips as he towered over you. “do i really have to go to jail just to get a kiss?” rafe leaned down, his lips finally taking your own. he groaned at the taste of you, your cherry lipgloss still sticky with its sweetness.

you two stayed kissing like this until he grew rock solid in his pants, the buckle of his belt not being the only thing poking your tummy. “i don’t want you with any other women. i can’t take it.” rafe nodded, his bottom lip shining with your gloss. “you have my word, sweetheart. i’ll set aside time for us to be together, i promise.” his sheriff’s hat tipped to the side, revealing his buzzed scalp. “but if i see you with that maybank kid i’ll have to lock him up for good.” you smiled, your red nails raking down his buff arms. “yes, sir.” rafe cursed at the nickname as he glanced down at the digital watch on his wrist.

“i got about an hour to spare..” you hummed at his words, palming him through his pants.

“well what are we waiting for?”

[searchforahero]

do you ever see urself un-shipping adopted family members?

no hate btw,

nope probably not :] dicktim has dug itself a place in my heart and it is pretty solidly never leaving <3

usually when i write them they're not particularly brotherly tbqh, but i've been working on a dicktim/timives fic lately where ives is. Freaked Out TM by tim & dick LOL its not done yet but here is a section from it (under the cut)

(for context i fucked up the timeline so basically tim is living in gotham, the uncle eddie stuff is happening, jack just died, tim is going to school with ives, and dick has been in between gotham and bludhaven lately. do not think too hard about how little sense that makes)

Dick Grayson is weird, and definitely not Tim's brother. It's been about a month since Tim first left school with Dick instead of taking the bus, and Dick's been coming to pick him up once every week or two since. Tim's been kind of cagey about stuff like how they met and how they got to know each other. Ives knows that Bruce Wayne was looking out for Tim while Jack was in his coma, but he had thought that Dick had been out of town for most of that.

Ives honestly doesn't know a whole lot about Dick, other than what every Gothamite knows, an orphan adopted by philanthropist Bruce Wayne, much like his guardian, he's known to be a bit of an air-head, but left Gotham to pursue policing in Bludhaven. Other than that Ives doesn't know much.

This is the first time that Ives is actually meeting the man. He and Tim had been hanging out at his apartment (which Ives still thought was super weird, who lets their sixteen year old newly-orphaned nephew live by himself? Especially in Gotham), playing Halo and talking shit.

Ives is just about to take the win when the front door goes flying open and Dick comes crashing in, calling out "Timmm, I don’t want to stay at the manor. Can I crash here?" He freezes in the hall between the entryway and the living area, presumably because he spots Ives. Ives is pretty sure he'd been about to crash forward on the couch they're sitting on before he turned the corner and realized Tim wasn't home alone.

He straightens up and smiles at Ives, says "Hey man, you're... Ives, right? Sorry, I didn't realize Tim had a friend over. I'm Tim's brother, Dick." He sticks out a hand for Ives to shake, and Ives just accepts that he'll have to take the loss this round, so he puts down his controller and shakes Dick's outstretched hand. He has a firm grip, firmer than could probably be considered casual, and his palm is covered in calluses.

Tim scoots over so he's sitting at the end of the couch instead of the middle, and waves at Dick, greeting him with "Hey man, you want to play with us?" He turns to Ives, tilts his head as if to say 'that okay?', and what's Ives going to say, 'no'? So Dick flops down on the couch, with his back to the arm rest and his legs thrown over Tim's thighs, and grabs the third controller.

They switch to Call of Duty and Dick kind of sucks at it, and after a few rounds he tosses the controller onto the coffee table and announces "I can't get used to the buttons, you'll never make me an XBox fan Tim."

Tim turns to look at him, frowns, and says "You've gotta admit that the XBox has a cooler design, like what's the PlayStation but a big hunk of plastic? The XBox has style Dick. Style!"

"Who cares about style when the PlayStation has way more exclusives man? The XBox has Halo and..." Dick mimes checking a notebook, "And yep, says here, Halo."

"And Halo is a masterpiece."

Dick pivots, shoves Tim's shoulder, tells him "Stop making that face at me, I don't care how cute you are, I'm not buying an XBox for my apartment."

And that's... That's weird right? There's something distinctly off about the way Dick said that, about the way he called Tim cute, not like an older brother teasing his younger brother, but like someone who- Ives cuts off the thought by physically shaking his head. He's not going to go speculating on his best friend's family like a jerk, especially when Tim has already lost so much.

He tries to ignore it while they keep playing, but Dick keeps poking and prodding at Tim, now that he isn't playing he's all over him, until eventually he just straight up lays his head in Tim's lap and announces that he's taking a nap.

Ives looks at Tim for any indication that he thinks this is weird, but finds none. When Tim isn't giving the TV his laser-eyed focus, he's insulting Ives' skills or brushing a hand through Dick's hair.

Ives is relieved when his dad calls Tim's apartment and tells him it's time to head home for dinner, because with Dick in the room, even asleep, he just couldn't relax like he normally can with Tim. There's something about the man that put him off.

He tries to ignore it, he's clearly important to Tim, and that's what matters, that Tim is surrounded with loved ones and friends instead of being forced to face the enormity of what he's lost alone.

[hanarchy]

should i make pancakes at midnight?

[stealingpotatoes]

every year i think "there's no way I can draw as much as I did last year" and then then I make myself look like an idiot. ending 2023 with a genuinely disgusting number of arts this year:

anyway call me a tree bc i'm abt to get real sappy: thank you all so much for a genuinely INSANE year in terms of how much i drew, how much i improved, and how much LOVELY support i've gotten!!!!!!! like my followercount more than quadrupled from the start of the year and i just can't believe?? there's this many of u?? that like my art???????? dead on the floor i love you all SO much!!!! thank u!!!!!!!!

[hyohaehyuk]

juliana_rychlikova: thanksgiving with vampire fam ❤️ (2023)

source: pixielayer and jandythinker (Note: Juliana Rychlikova have her IG account private so i dont know how the fandom got this photo. maybe she privated the account after the fandom found the photos/videos yesterday)

It seems they celebrated Thanksgiving at Jacob’s house in Prague

Photos via Jacob Anderson IG

Screenshots: funtheysaid, lesbratprince and pixielayer

[rapidhighway]

avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

re: the last post i reblogged bc i am realizing just how much i yapped in the tags and i do not wish to subject the wider tumblr public to that rant LMAO

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[sysig]

Guess who :3c (Patreon)

[ishizizzle]

The apartment hunt begins

[ssruis]

Going through a straight up comical amount of irritating situations to get the stupid 4* guaranteed ticket from the welcome to sekai campaign. It Will Be Mine.