#i do not want a tubal.

[skunkes]

what procedure ?? /gen curious

bilateral salpingectomyyyyyyyy

[incorrectquotesideas-deactivated]

Person A: Do you want a beer? I’m paying.

Person B, going through the restaurant’s menu: No. Ugh, where’s the good stuff?

Person A, half jokingly: I thought you were an alcoholic.

Person B: Exactly. I’d need at least, like, four beers — without food — to get slightly buzzed, and my stomach can’t fit over 2 beers in it. I’m small. I’ll have a rum, neat.

[dentist-brainsurgeon]

My surgery is tomorrow and I'm

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting tubal ligation, eloping with my two girlfriends, adopting a cat and moving out, all in two weeks and without telling my mother?

🏥💍🐈🏠

So, I (F, 21) have been planning for a long time to sort out my life. I live in a European country, I'm in college and work part-time. For years, I've been saving up money to get financially independent as fast as possible and move out of my parents' apartment. I also wanted to have enough to pay for tubal ligation procedure, because I don't ever want children and would feel much more at ease when I'm certain that I can't physically get pregnant. My mother from the beginning was very against that idea, telling me I'll change my mind later and not to do anything permanent.

Two years ago, I've met two wonderful women, A (26) and K (23) on a discord server dedicated to our shared hobby (writing fanfiction). We'd been talking and messaging for months, eventually creating our own server and sharing our irl names and faces. It naturally progressed to a point where we chose to call it a relationship (I'm on the aroace spectrum, we're all neurodivergent and have a weird relationships with gender so it's not a traditional romantic/sexual relationship by any means). We're all from the same country so we met up a few times before deciding to all move to one city and live together. K and I are finishing our bachelor's degrees and A works from home so there weren't any obstacles. We found a flat and A moved in, waiting for me and K.

My mother knew I was bisexual and dating A and K, but thought again that it was "just a phase" and that we were only friends pretending to date for some reason. I love my parents, they are great and supportive people but sometimes it can be so exhausting to convince them of something when they believe they're absolutely right. So, I just stopped talking to my mother about my relationship and plans for the future. I visited A (and K after she moved in) in our apartment without permanently staying there yet.

A, K and I got an idea to celebrate us finishing college and A getting a job promotion by going abroad for a week. K jokingly suggested that we could visit another country and get married (gay marriage is still illegal in our country). Obviously, polyamorous marriages are not legal anywhere in Europe, but A told us at the beginning of our relationship that she never wanted to get legally married for personal reasons (but a non-binding marriage ceremony was fine with her). So, all three of us could have a ceremony and K and me could get legally married (the marriage still wouldn't be legally recognized in our country though). Then I also realized that I could get a tubal ligation in the country which we wanted to travel to (tubal ligation procedure is also illegal in our country).

I knew my mother would be against both of those decisions and I didn't want to argue with her the entire time before I left abroad. So, I just told her I'm going on holidays with my two friends for a week and she accepted that. I've also been slowly moving a lot of my stuff from my room in my parents' apartment to our apartment and was ready to completely relocate.

Anyway, the wedding went great (the witnesses were six people we knew from the discord server where we first met, who lived close by and could get to the wedding site easily), my operation went great, the trip was great, and just as we returned a friend asked if we wanted a kitten, because their cat had recently had some. We agreed.

When I was sure everything was settled, I called my mother and told her about the wedding, the operation, the move and the kitten. She was shocked and angry, said she felt disappointed and betrayed I hadn't told her about any of my plans, didn't even invite her to the wedding and that I damaged my body and would regret having my tubes tied. I tried explaining that I didn't know how she would react, that based on our previous interactions I hadn't thought she'd be supportive and that I wanted make my decisions without also having endure her disapproval. She cried, told me I hurt her and to give her some time to deal with all the revelations.

I feel terrible for upsetting my mom, but honestly, I think I did the right thing and that informing her beforehand would've ruined my mood and I'd have had to argue with her on the phone constantly during the trip.

So, Tumblr, AITA?

[official-penis-posts]

for people who are considering going on T to get bottom growth: you cant really only get /some/ of the effects (to my knowledge), youd have some of the other effects as well, some of which are permanent. if youre fine with that then get on T the world is your oyster. however i think you could also just get phalloplasty if you wanted a dick

There you go. Hormones are slippery little buggers.

I do take exception to the phrase “just get [insert any invasive surgery here]” bc like it’s not like you can buy that via Amazon prime. It’s still kind of a big deal.

On the subject of hormones being slippery little buggers, I have a lot of issues with hormonal birth control. And people would ask me “why don’t you just get a tubal ligation?” And I’m like oh. You mean why don’t I “just” get an expensive and invasive surgery that most doctors will not perform because they are “uncomfortable” with it, and which certainly won’t be covered by my insurance? You mean why don’t I “just” do that? 🙄

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch!

What advice would you give for someone who is interested in trying penetrative sex one day, but utterly terrified at the prospect of any chance, no matter how small, of becoming pregnant?

It’s a genuine phobia for me, and a big part of why I considered myself sex-repulsed as an asexual for a while, when I was really closer to neutral but was too terrified to try anything. Logically, I know things like condoms are fairly reliable, but there’s still that chance, you know?

hi anon,

in addition to condoms I'd definitely recommend looking into your options for hormonal birth control. IUDs have a failure rate of a little under 1%, which can be decreased even further by using them with another form of contraception like external or internal condoms (which go on the penis or inside of the vaginal cavity respectively; both are effective but Do Not use them together). it may also help your peace of mind to have some emergency contraceptive like Plan B on hand (when stored properly, it's shelf stable for up to four years!) or even make sure you have an actionable plan + emergency funds set aside for the worst case scenario of an unwanted pregnancy, whether it's an in-clinic abortion or a self-managed abortion at home. it can be scary to think about, but learning about your options and knowing that you have a plan in place + the ability to carry it out if the worst comes to pass can help make the risk much less daunting.

if you want to get really heavy duty with it you may want to look into the option of being medically sterilized. there are a number of options for people with vaginal reproductive systems, including bilateral salpingectomy, tubal litigation, or having the ovaries and/or uterus fully removed. it's expensive and can be difficult at times to find surgeons willing to perform these procedures on people who are still of reproductive age, but if you're set on it and able to afford it then it seems like a reasonable option to pursue for your satisfaction and peace of mind.

there are also plenty of ways of having penetrative sex that don't carry any risk of pregnancy, if those speak to you: toys and fingers can penetrate just as well as a penis, and there's always anal.

[transmonstera]

PLEASE READ BELOW

Hi! I am a UK based trans artist and writer looking to pursue a private hysterectomy. I run an Etsy store (you may even have one of my stickers or badges!) and work part time but am still struggling to save much of anything towards surgery due to debt, living costs, etc so I’m looking for a little bit of help!

The reason I am pursuing a hysterectomy now is due to having cervical ectropion. This condition is where the cervix is essentially inside out and causes bleeding and excruciating pain. Frustratingly enough the treatment for this condition worked for all of two weeks before returning straight back to how it used to be. Cervical ectropion is aggravated by fluctuating hormone levels, particularly estrogen, so if I was to ever experience atrophy and seek treatment for that it would only make my ectropion far worse. The NHS does not offer hysterectomies for this condition due to them deeming it “a harmless condition”. Funnily enough the only procedure they approve of to “treat” this is a tubal ligation which has nothing to do with the cervix (make it make sense). 

I could attempt to get a hysterectomy through my GIC (Nottingham), however their communication is abysmal, I get one appointment a year with them and I cannot sit by and wait for the topic to come up on their terms, they never even spoke to me about top surgery (after telling me they would) leaving me to get that privately too, and I think even if they do approve a referral it’d take far too long and I would have little control in the situation. I simply cannot be in this pain for however long they wish to take to help me. Especially with how things are going for trans healthcare.

So I’m looking to get it privately. I have been recommended Mr Saurabh Phadnis with Nuffield Health in London due to him approving hysterectomies for many reasons and getting rid of everything you wish to remove and not just the bare minimum. I would like to go with him as I wish to remove everything including the cervix. My GP is happy to do a referral for him, so it is literally just a case of getting the funds. I was quoted an estimate of roughly £9000. I’m not going to ask for people to send me that amount as I know it is a huge sum to ask for. I’m hoping to raise as much as I can by about January/February time (through donations, etsy sales, and anything I can spare from my part time job) and look at taking out a loan for whatever is left over and if I can save even a third of the full amount that would help immensely.

A hysterectomy would truly change everything. I don’t want to take depo injections for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be in pain anymore and I don’t want to bleed randomly throughout the day because I dared to go for a walk. This is not just for transition purposes, this is so I can live without fear of further pain, more bleeding, being unable to treat potential atrophy because of an existing condition, HPV, cervical cancer, pregnancy scares etc.

If you'd like to donate:

ko-fi.com/transmonstera

cashapp: £transmonstera

Even if you can’t donate, please take a moment to share. It’d mean the world to me.

[weebsinstash]

Ok so tmi (on the tmi blog lol) but the first day of my Cycle I had a dream that I had just given birth and I was holding my baby and I was goddamn euphoric even though the logical part of me was like “???? I am 22 and broke i CANNOT have a baby rn” and I woke up crying and called my friends like I WANNA HAVE A BAAAAAABYYYYY I WANT A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY so basically. Imagine. Miguel catches you in a moment of weakness. And he NEVER. FUCKING. FORGETS IT.

Oh wow girlie those period hormones grabbed you by the uterus and absolutely REFUSED to let go

NO BUT FOR REAL don't look at me but I've been thinking of a concerning number of ideas where it's like, "Reader suddenly realizes they may want a baby and is actually putting serious thought into it and Miguel finds out (bet your ass Peter B tells him, i can see him as a "well intentioned" platonic guardian/mentor figure who sells you out to Miguel the second he thinks you're doing something risky or he thinks it's for your own good) and Miguel starts making all these plans and preparations behind your back to have a baby with you" and obviously I like the extra juicy option of "he found out you got extremely depressed and tied your tubes or something because you either see no point in you having a kid/think it's too late, OR, Miguel was the only person you were looking at as a potential father and you either decide it wouldn't work out or he does something to hurt you and you lose trust in him" so like, the double whammy combo of him being hit with the news you basically walled off your fertility that he's kinda fantasizing about AND you blame him for it

You see him chokeslam Miles on the train and having all these serious anger and stress issues and you're like "hmmmm don't like that" and basically make the tubal ligation appointment that week (but, you know, he'll either interfere before you can actually get it or even reverse it later on)

Like. Ugh I'm not sure if I should go super into detail bc I feel like I want to put this scene in the YouTwo fic or in a different idea i have thats more centered around motherhood, but, picture he catches you in his monitor room one day after you've lost your home dimension, you're having a little more than just a small identity crisis, and he catches you having Lyla show you the model for your life, or what the algorithm had predicted your life was supposed to be like before your universe just magically poofed away. You're just staring at these holograms with tears running down your face and he occasionally catches you starting to reach out like you want to touch what you see. He comes to stop you because he already knows all too well where this could lead, you can't become tempted to break canon and go somewhere else, but you beg him to let you watch just a little longer

"I was supposed to get MARRIED! I was supposed to have a BABY! I was supposed to have a family!! It's not fair!!"

And he's in total agreement with you because, who even fucking knows why your universe suddenly destabilized and vanished. He sees you as this person who has so much promise and potential who had their destiny and future literally snatched away from them and now you're lost and confused on what you're supposed to do, like really he totally understands why you feel so aimless. But watching these holograms is like torturing yourself, and he goes to stop you when you just keep crying because this is basically sending you into a critical mental health episode

"Someone was supposed to fall in love with me... we were supposed to have a baby... would I have been a good mom? Would I have had a boy or a girl? Cant you at least let me find out what my daughter's name would have been?"

And it's like NOOOO you can't hit him with the daughter card, don't you see what you've DONE!!! Gets him right in the heart. Now he's got this massive soft spot for you, bigger than it already was anyways, and he can tell over time you're just really starting to, grieve the future you were supposed to have, falling into a depression. Peter B is hanging around with Mayday like he usually does as both men can tell you're really staring at his baby today and he offers to teach you how to hold her. you're standing there misty eyed twirling one of her little curls around your finger as her dad starts volunteering information to you, "you know she's about XYZ months old now, they aren't really talking yet at this age but they're really curious about their surroundings and--"

Miguel watches as you start talking about children and suddenly get this really really tortured expression and just say "it's not meant to happen" and or some combination of "it's too late for me" and gives him his baby back a little too quickly in typical "I am clearly leaving the room to go cry" fashion. Meanwhile Peter B is like 38 wondering why you think you're out of time or it's not supposed to happen

Miguel's working one day and Peter is trying to shove his phone in his face, "you know I think this is one of the BEST photos of Mayday I've ever taken, she's looking so cute here, you just GOTTA see it" and Pete just won't let up and Miguel finally looks just to humor him because the man is being unusually annoying and, it's a photo of Mayday, duh, but being held by you, and you're clearly looking down at her with watering eyes and the smallest little smile that says "I'll die for you" and Peter is just all 😏 as Miguel is 'suddenly' interested in the photo. "That's a really good photo of MAYDAY, right? 😏 I figured you would like it, that photo of MAYDAY 😏" and Miguel is just grumbling and grouchy bc he sees what this guy is tryna do, but he's still like ".... send it to me later, I'm trying to work right now"

It's even worse if you're a member of his strike force because you're constantly around him, Peter B, and Jess. Miguel just, idly wondering where you are and deciding to walk around a little bit and eventually finds that you're having some sort of conversation with Peter B and Jess and he can tell you look really weepy as the other woman invites you to feel her baby kicking, like, you could not more obviously be developing baby fever, and you ARE around that age, and ESPECIALLY if you live in Nueva York because it's like, YEAH you're still a Spider and YEAH you help the Society with stuff but. Your home universe is gone, your canon is gone, you're kind of. Free as a bird really? But you're also scared because, if someone was destined to love you, does that mean it technically isn't meant to be to fall for anyone else? You can't exactly hook up with people at the Spider Society because of canon or them already having relationships, and you don't exactly have identifying documents if you wanted to try and adopt

I think it'd really reach a stressful breaking point if you and the strike force go to another universe to fight an anomaly and Miguel catches you staring out into the crowd of people you just saved and he sees what youre looking at instantly and his heart sinks. Another you, another normal you, never bitten by a Spider, is standing there with her husband and her little sputtering baby, and he has to all but drag you away as you cry "it's not fair, it's not fair, why does SHE get a normal life!!"

Sidebar for a moment, I think that's probably also one thing that would be so INFURIATING about the doppelganger stealing your life story because THEY have a home universe and YOU don't. They take your life, they take literally everything you have left, your friends, your sense of community, your literal purpose. I've already decided on YTs motivations but could you imagine you finding out YouTwo actually has a decent life and maybe even a husband and kid of their own and you're just furious because they're basically abandoning their duties back home not only as a Spider but as a parent/spouse to steal what YOU have? You can't kill them because it would break their canon and kill like countless people but Miguel and the others would def let you beat the shit out of your evil double and get some of your anger out. Like. Jesus could you imagine Miguel kicks you out thinking you're the fake and after you're gone, YouTwo breaks canon and that's what exposes them, or theyre exposed when they eventually take a trip back home and get caught. The Society's regret, the guilt, the anger, just marinate me with the drama

But anyways back to Being Sad and Babycrazy, you go missing one day and Miguel has to decide what to do when he finally tracks your bracelet and you're back in THAT dimension again. He has to physically track you down using your bracelet's signal because you refuse to answer his messages and you're, in the home of the other you while she takes a brief nap, in the nursery, holding her baby. Miguel quietly climbs through the window and you're in a rocking chair and you've got her hugged to your chest and your eyes are closed and you sense him and, obviously cry because you know you have to leave. Unlike with the holograms he doesn't give you any leeway on this, putting his foot down that this has to end here, this cant go on, this is already so dangerous. And, you're good for him and understand, leaving the baby back in its crib as you and Miguel warp away. You're heartbroken but ultimately understanding when he has to disable your watch's ability to visit that specific dimension again, and you're obviously extremely depressed for a while, having multiple Spiders coming to check in on you as word spreads around that you aren't doing well

I can just see Reader becoming kind of desperate because the only options for a baby you really have left is to either 1. get a serious relationship, which you're scared of because you have to trust that person and who can you even pick, you're nervous about breaking canon or something, or 2. Get some random person to impregnate you so you can run off with the baby

Miguel gets a call from Peter B that you went to a bar and you're EXTREMELY wasted as you try to pick someone, ANYONE up and like, you have admirers for sure but there's enough decent people around to keep the creeps in line, clearly you are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, and Miguel gets to tote your drunken ass back home as you drunkenly word vomit all your feelings to him because, unfortunately for you, he has your trust, and you need comfort right now, and you even ask him about what being a parent was like for him. You encouragingly tell him he shouldn't give up if he still wants kids, you trying to be genuinely nice and not trying to imply anything, blubbering about how he deserves to still be happy and he's still got time, and here's Miguel who's practically tracking your cycles at this point, TOTALLY not going to use anything you say to him while you're piss-drunk against you

Especially if you add ABO into the mix and you have a Miguel who's either Alpha/Omega and is already babycrazy af and he sees you literally fucking YEARNING for it, like. You've got a 6'9" Alpha basically looking at you, his poor lil Omega crush, with the big yandere goo goo eyes and how you need all this love and support and stability and how you're in need of a proper husband and of course he's all too willing to volunteer himself for the job. Even if he's too awkward to come right out to you and say it, he'll be thinking in his head and planning behind your back ways to take care of you, keep you away from any drugs/alcohol (no more smoking weed with metro boomin Spiderman, you've gotta detox your body to have a baby! Also, different concept but, Miguel basically keeping you in a bubble to control all your meals and recreational activities and all of that so he can make sure you're perfectly healthy for a baby)

Don't let this man catch you slipping up! Throw you to the Spider Society and you'll come back pregnant 😭 he sees you so depressed and wanting a baby and it's like well, if your life needs new meaning, he can help literally make one for you 😏 he's been feeling protective and nurturing of you anyways, so, it's an extra benefit for him to think of getting to have both you AND a little baby of your very own ❤️

[ms-revived-frogs]

Me watching “feminists” argue that I shouldn’t have my right to decide to get an organ covered in non-cancerous tumors removed bc I might have the magical experience of childbirth (unlikely bc of the tumors) and then claim that they’re totally not aligned with Christian fascists even tho that is exactly what Christian fascists have said to me: 👁️👁️

Actually, nobody said that you can't perform a procedure critical to your health. If you need a hysterectomy, you need a hysterectomy! It is absolutely necessary if your health is impacted, regardless of any desire or ability to have children.

My original post never mentioned that women shouldn't get medically necessary hysterectomies because they could possibly have children. My post was on non-medically necessary hysterectomy. I was saying that I'd a woman doesn't have children, she shouldn't automatically jump to getting her uterus removed. Almost like removing an organ for no medical reason is dangerous and unhealthy! There are other options for women like that, like tubal ligation. It's just because women have grown to see themselves as a collective of parts that they are now wanting to remove healthy organs for no reason other than not wanting children. We almost never see men doing this, cutting themselves up for non-medically necessary reason.

Anyways, liberal women stop misinterpreting things they don't understand! Just because you're too stupid doesn't mean you should take everything like an attack (like your ask!)!

[spacelazarwolf]

i think you’re absolutely right about the cuntboys/make trans guys pregnant shit. it made me so uncomfortable too.

pregnancy has always been a giant fear of mine, and there are people out there who genuinely think forcing trans men to get pregnant will ‘fix’ us or some shit. like, sure, it’s fine to joke abt stuff that affects you, but that post didn’t read all that jokey to me tbh.

and the cuntboy thinf. seriously? that’s essentially just pushing us- (sorry can’t remember the right word for it lol) but it’s just pushing us down to labeling us by what we were born with and differentiating us from cis men

it's just blowing my fucking mind to watch them try to backtrack and claim it was "just joking about kinks between friends" because that is literally not what happened. they were talking specifically about a group of "cuntboys" they don't like, said that they should make those "cuntboys" they don't like "fat and pregnant" and then joked about making them "breeders." if they were joking about a kink between friends, they'd have made a separate post and used language that made it clear they were talking about themselves. they didn't though bc they were literally talking specifically about a group of people they don't like and specifically weaponizing a terrifying and traumatizing experience a lot of trans ppl who can get pregnant never ever want to experience.

and i put this in the tags of my other answer, but like. when roe v wade fell, i waited on the phone for 4 hours with the "women's health clinic", the only clinic in my area that took medicaid, to try to get an appointment to get sterilized and it took another two weeks just to get it confirmed. i remember the guy i was hooking up with texted me the day the news broke and asked if i wanted to stop hooking up because he knew how huge a fear pregnancy is for me. i had been trying to get sterilization surgery for years but kept getting sent away, and finally i had to just tell the doctor i had my appointment with "listen dude i am almost 30 i know what i want if i get pregnant and i can't get an abortion my only option will be to kill myself and i really want to fucking live so please give me this surgery." insurance ended up not even covering a hysterectomy so i had to opt for tubal removal. because even being on hormones and having a clear record of asking over and over again for sterilization wasn't enough to grant me bodily autonomy, i had to give them no other option. i got misgendered the entire time i was at the hospital and don't even remember how i got home because i was barely out of anesthesia and conscious when they loaded me in my sister's car.

a pregnancy is a death sentence for so many trans people. and for those that end up going through it, or even for those who want to go through it, pregnant trans people are treated horrifically. if your kid comes out with birth defects, you can be prosecuted for child endangerment because testosterone can cause birth defects.

you do not fucking make jokes like that about other people. and you do not turn around and tell the people you made rape/forced pregnancy jokes about that they're being too sensitive or that they're somehow making you uncomfortable for calling you out on your disgusting and misogynistic joke. this is not fucking 2016 reddit you do not have to be an edgelord to be accepted as one of the guys. making literal rape jokes is not protecting trans women. it's you being a misogynist. i am not changing my mind on this.

[agrownupgeekgirl]

4 days after my 18th birthday I had my daughter. I asked at the time for a permanent birth control option, a tubal ligation. I was told no. I was too young. I would regret the decision.

No.

3 weeks before I turned 20 I had my son. I asked for a permanent birth control option. I hadn't changed my mind since the first time. I was told no. I was too young. I would change my mind. What if "god forbid" something happened to one of my kids? 

No.

So with no other options I went with an IUD. At the time it would be good for 10 years. Then maybe they would consider giving me a tubal.

10 years later my periods were so bad, because of the IUD, that I would bleed through a tampon and a pad in the night and wake up with stained sheets. I went to the Dr and said "Can I please have the tubal now? I've not changed my mind since I was 18."

Problem. At the time I lived in Miles City, Montana and the only hospital was a Catholic St. Vincent's and because they were a Catholic hospital they would not do a tubal because it was birth control. So at the clinic in town they could do an ablation on my uterus to stop my periods and at the same time put implants in my tubes that would act like a ligation. Those blocks were Essure Tubal Blocks. They were a "safe" permanent alternative to the tubal I had been asking for since I was 18. So I said yes.

Yes.

14 years later I start bleeding. Cramping. I go to the Dr. Apparently ablations done before a woman is 40 can actually heal so I needed an ultrasound to see if that's what was happening. 

In the ultrasound the nurse said that my uterus was fine, no regrowth but asked if I had a coil? I said not anymore, that it had been removed when they did the ablation and put in the Essure blocks. The blocks are actually very small coils as well, and it turns out one of mine is missing and the other is moving out of the tube towards my uterus.

I looked it up and found this:

Essure Tubal Blocks Lawsuits

The ultrasound was Friday. They said that I'd need an X-ray to see if they could find the missing coil.

Sunday I started bleeding again, so Monday morning I went back to the Dr. He said he'd order an urgent xray, then called last night to say I could go into the hospital as a walk in to get the X-ray. So I went today but they said it wasn't put in as a walk in so I'd have to wait until I got a letter with an appointment.

Wait.

I'm so tired and so overwhelmed and so angry. 

26 years ago if they had done what I asked this wouldn't be happening. 

24 years ago if they had done what I asked this wouldn't be happening.

14 years ago if they had done what I wanted this wouldn't be happening.

If I had ever had any say over my own fucking body, if I had ever been more than just a body that could give birth, this wouldn't be fucking happening!

Im scared and I'm tired. I wish I had been a person.

[mommy-issues-haver]

the push for fewer general regulations in medicine when it comes to trans medicine and women’s medicine is so weird. like i’m pro tubal ligation because it’s reversible but no i’m not in favor of a 20 year old having quick and easy access to fucking hysterectomy. it’s not just for making babies it’s a fucking organ. like i promise havign multiple abortions will be better for your body than a hysterectomy. so push for that being easily accessible instead of hysterectomies. and then like wanting to make permanent surgical changes to your body after having identified as trans for less than a year? it’s fucking crazy that doctors are willing to do that. i’m thinking about dylan specifically - we haven’t even reached 365 “days of girlhood” and he’s getting a brand new entire fucking face? i genuinely think the surgeons who do this shit care more about money than their patients’ outcomes. but people are like omg this surgeon will do this unreasonable unnecessary surgery for me with no prerequisites! love that!! so cool of them!!

[lullabyes22-blog]

Mel x Silco - Married AU - A Drabble Thing

Based on this ask by @the-blue-quetzalcoatl <3

Part of an AU meta of the Forward, but Never Forget/XOXO universe.

tw: tubal ligation, pregnancy, miscarriage

tw: dysfunctional family dynamics

"A Medarda has to stay a Medarda. Our lineage is the future. It has to continue. And it must be your priority."

In the Married AU, Mel would still go through with the sterilization. On the outset, Silco would know, and have taken it as a given. In his mind, it'd be smarter to have their bases covered, since having a child caught between two politicking nations is not a fate one would wish on any whelp.

Worst case: they'd end up being used as leverage for politics.

Worst-of-the-worst case: Ambessa might abduct them.

However, I do headcanon that Silco would begin alarming Mel, as the years pass and the two grow closer, by idly speculating what sort of family they'd have made, and what any children he might've had by her would look like. 

It would be very difficult for Mel to know whether he's being serious or pushing her buttons - which in turn would start making her second-guess herself.

She'd privately have no desire to have any children. And by this point, she'd be very close with Jinx, and feel a sense of fulfillment in how the girl is blossoming.

In fact, it'd be a private joke between them—

Mel: "So many families have a passel of daughters. It's like they're trying to get the ingredients just right. I already have a daughter. She's perfect."

Jinx: “Damn straight.”

And yet, the more Mel listens to Silco's lazy post-coital musings, the more a nagging part of her brain goes, "Maybe... maybe I could have another?"

And, naturally, once she'd admit that to herself, the question would become, "How? I've already burned that bridge."

The thought would occur to her: "What if we were to find a surrogate?"

She'd nix it the moment the idea comes up. If an outsider were involved, it would only leave room for things to go wrong. There'd be too much risk to their lives, their plans, their position. A few times, she'd catch herself eyeing up Sevika as a potential candidate. Sevika, nobody's fool, would suss out exactly what Mel has in mind.

She'd put her foot down - and take her grievance to Silco.

Sevika: "Your Missus keeps sizing me up like she's assessing property for acquisition."

Silco: "Nonsense. She's admiring your physique."

Sevika: "She asked if my family had any history of issues."

Silco: "With the law?"

Sevika: "With birth defects, sir."

Silco would stop short.

Sevika: "Your lady wife is thinking of putting a bun in my oven. Tell her to knock it off. Or else I will."

Naturally, this would lead to a confrontation between Silco and Mel. He'd demand to know what the hell she was thinking. And she'd snap that it's his fault for putting the idea in her head. He'd insist it was just playful banter, and she'd retort that he wouldn't have said it unless some part of him meant it.

Sophistry is both their weapon of choice, but in this instance, he'd find himself cornered, as nothing leaves his mouth by accident, or without design.

She'd press him: Why does he keep bringing it up?

And he'd fold: "I think you'd make a fine mother."

The honesty would shock her, and the realization would hit: This isn't about lineage. He wants a child.

With me.

They'd end up having an emotionally exhausting but cathartic conversation, where they'd both lay their cards out on the table.

Mel would admit her fears - of everything as surface-level as having a baby and ruining her figure, to as intimate as becoming the woman she sees when she looks at her mother. Besides: pregnancy is moot. She'd made her choice to get fixed, and she can't undo that.

Likewise, Silco would concede that he was playing dirty, and that it's an issue best left alone.

They have Jinx, and Jinx is enough.

The conversation would end with both of them feeling raw, and strangely exposed, but lead to a ravenous reconciliation that would leave the sheets torn up the next morning.

But in the coming days, Mel would realize the thought hasn't gone away.

She'd sit with Jinx, the two of them painting a mural together. Mel would watch the girl, smudged in pink and cackling, and feel a sense of quiet pride.

And she'd wonder:  "If I had a child, would I feel this way towards him or her, too?"

Or she'd watch Silco with Jinx, as he patiently teaches her the Demacian Waltz, the two of them sweeping gracefully around the room, and think, "Would he be like this with our son or daughter?"

And each time, the thought would sting: a wound that refuses to scab over.

Mel's pride and her pragmatism would war within her. Her pride would demand her to tell Silco the truth, and suggest they look into feasible options: surrogacy, or adoption. Her pragmatism would whisper that it's an unnecessary complication: a wild card that would threaten the intimate accord that they've fought tooth and nail to establish.

It'd be a constant battle, one that she'd keep secret.

In the summertime, Ambessa would arrive in Zaun for her yearly visit. She'd bring her entourage as usual. Same fanfare, same bluster, same backhanded threats to Silco.

During their greeting, Mel would catch her mother appraising her.  Still not with child, her eyes would say. Mel, of course, would play it off, and make her own barbed comments about her mother's advancing age. They'd have dinner, each party polite as if at knifepoint.

In the morning, Mel would be woken up by a knock at the door. Ambessa would be waiting at the threshold.

She'd be cordial, but also brisk, demanding a few moments of her daughter's time.

Mel, knowing her mother, would grimly oblige.

Ambessa would inform her, in clipped tones, that she has made a decision regarding her line's future. She is ready to give Mel the reins of their empire, as well as a healthy supply of wealth, as long as Mel agrees to go through with a procedure to reverse the sterilization she’d done years ago. She has trusted surgeons, who are more than willing to operate.

Mel's gut would heave, but her face would betray nothing.

Ambessa would continue: "You have proven yourself a fine stateswoman, Mel. But in all other respects, you remain a headstrong child."

That would hit Mel like a slap in the face, and her mother would keep going: "I am getting old, and it's time I start preparing for my exit. But I want our legacy carried forward. I'd have preferred it not be spoiled by that no-name Trencher. But he has drive, if nothing else.  Perhaps his nation will thrive on its own. Either way, he has his claws dug in too deep for me to oust him from your life."

She'd lean in: "But a Medarda has to stay a Medarda. Our lineage is the future. It has to continue. And it must be your priority."

Mel would swallow the bile rising in her throat.

"Think on it, Mel. It's a small thing. But it would mean the world to me."

Mel would excuse herself with stiff formality, and make her exit. She'd wait until she was alone, and then run to the bathroom and vomit.

Afterwards, she'd sit on the floor, and think.

She would weigh the options in her head. She would weigh the costs and benefits; the haves and have-nots. She would look at it objectively.

And she'd make her choice.

In the afternoon, Ambessa would be told to pack her bags and leave. No reason given.

Silco would find Mel sitting at her vanity, staring into the mirror, her eyes hooded. He'd come over, and rest his hands on her shoulders.

Mel: "If we're going to do this... let's be thorough."

Silco: "Do what?"

Mel: "Have a child. Let's do this right. We'll find a doctor. The best there is."

Silco: "What in Kindred's name has gotten into you?"

Mel: "A little bit of madness. And a lot of clarity."

Long story short: after a hushed conversation with a private Piltover physician, the three of them would discuss options, and it'd be determined that the procedure can be reversed. Mel would be breathlessly giddy, and Silco would be cautiously optimistic.

For the next year, it'd be a frenzied dance – one that would leave Mel jelly-legged each morning. Hers and Silco’s physical quotient, high to begin with, would be turned up to eleven, and every month, Mel would wait with bated breath.

And nothing would happen.

Month after month: nothing.

Mel would start growing anxious. The doctor would assure her there's nothing wrong. The procedure went as smoothly as could be expected. There's no reason why her body shouldn't be responding. She'd begin looking at her belly in the mirror, waiting for her body to change. She'd try every old wives' tale: eat certain foods, drink special teas, sleep with her back facing a wall.

And month after month: nothing

Silco would notice her growing despondent. He'd ask her if she wants to give it up, and she'd tell him not yet. Inside, however, the doubt would gnaw her to pieces.

"Why isn't this working? Why am I failing?"

Her paintings would grow darker, and her silences longer. Jinx would notice, but Mel would keep her worries close to the chest, not wanting to trouble her.

Month after month.

Until one morning, she'd be roused by Silco shaking her awake. The bedsheets would be stained with blood. Not period-blood, but a darker, heavier flow.

The medicks would be summoned.

The doctor would later confirm she'd suffered a miscarriage. Mel would protest she'd not even known she was pregnant. And the doctor would say the signs were there. She'd been drowsy (lack of rest, Mel had speculated); she'd been experiencing morning sickness (a bad batch of oysters from an Ionian gala, Mel had surmised); her mood had been off (she'd been under pressure negotiating an Ionian arms treaty, Mel insisted).

And the list would go on.

Her body had tried to tell her. She just hadn't listened.

Mel would be in bed for a week. She'd cry into her pillow, without sound. Silco would try to console her. She'd explode at him, raging and screaming, and then break down begging for his forgiveness in the next breath.

In her mind, she'd see her mother, shaking her head:

"How could you fail? You're a Medarda. Our family line has never failed."

By the end of the month, Mel would emerge from seclusion and dust herself off. She'd dress in her loveliest gown, put her golden mask on, and return to work.

And she’d never speak of it again.

Jinx would prove her deepest solace. She'd spend time with the girl, teaching her, painting with her, talking about anything and everything. She'd try not to look at her and see her failure, but instead, the daughter she already had.

This girl is the best of the two of us, she'd think. She is enough.

She is perfect.

Silco would be relieved to hear the music of feminine laughter filling the halls again. At night, Mel would visit his room, and they'd take each other with a renewed ferocity.

She'd never ask if he was disappointed.

He'd never offer his pity.

Afterward, she'd hold onto him, and bury her face in his neck, and know she wasn’t alone.

In the summertime, Ambessa would visit, and Mel would meet her at the threshold, her hands folded primly in front of her. She'd greet her mother with cool cordiality, and invite her in. They'd talk politics, and war, and the state of the city. They'd never mention her womb.

It'd be a tacit understanding.  The terms of their truce.

A few months later, Mel would order paperwork to formalize Jinx's adoption as her heir, and make sure her name would be inscribed next to Silco's: husband and wife.

Ambessa would receive the announcement in a missive.

She'd read the contents, and then, without reading further, crumple it up and toss it into the fireplace.

Then she'd summon her scribe and have the Medarda line of succession changed to reflect the new arrangement.

Ambessa would think, privately, "What a waste."

And yet, a part of her would admire her daughter's tenacity.

The Medarda line, after all, was spawned by cutthroats and bastards too.

Mel would resume her duties as Councilor with a rekindled fervor. She had a daughter, and her daughter would inherit a brighter tomorrow. Zaun and Piltover would have a strong alliance, one built by her hand, and Silco's. And they'd have a dynasty, one that would carry on their name, and bury the bones of all who stood against them.

They had a family. And a future.

On the Equinox, the three of them would go sailing in the canals. Mel would lean against Silco's shoulder, and watch Jinx dance across the deck, as lanterns twinkled across the water. She'd see a girl, free to choose her own path, not the one Ambessa had carved out for her. She'd have her father's vision, and her mother's compassion. She'd have the best of both of them.

And, if nothing else, the girl would have her.

Later, in the dark, Silco would whisper:

"We'll try again, if you want."

Mel would think of her mother, and a lifetime of expectations.

She'd shake her head, and nestle deeper against him.

"No," she'd whisper, with a smile. "I have all I need."

[bijoumikhawal]

Bite the Hand that Starves You: Chapter Four

Fic as of this chapter contains: discussion of abortion, references to drug use, intersex and trans characters, torture/graphic violence, colonialism and its aftermath, implied sexual violence, disassociation

Kardasi: Peikirvi - would translate to something like "concubine", specifically refers to an individual that socially presents as male, and was assigned such at birth, but can carry children (and often could impregnate someone else), who is legally bound to someone. Usually this is done with a pre-existing couple who has fertility issues.

---

It wasn't a baby. In terminating it, you were admitting that- it wasn't a baby. It never breathed, thought, or spoke.

Garak wished there was something physical that made sense. He knows if he asked, they'd show him some vial, or petri dish, with an unidentifiable clump, and that didn't feel right. It didn't feel like something worth funding over. In terminating it, you were admitting that it wasn't.

It wasn't a baby, so of course it didn't look like one, and it wasn't worth fussing over. Not once it was gone, anyway.

“Everything checks out.” Dr. Ammshah said. “I also talked over a few options for your care going forward with Dr. Bashir. First, I know you said you wished to keep all your organs, but we still can do a tubal detachment-"

“No.”

“I thought you might say that.” Dr. Ammshah looked away- purposely a display of deference. “In that case, there are implants available which don’t need to be replaced more than once every kashmim. It’s a lot longer lasting than the shots preferred in the Federation, and if you ever want to have children, it’s not too difficult to remove. I know you’ve had issues with an implant before, so let me reassure you: this implant has no electrical components. The worst it can do is move somewhere it shouldn’t.” She's rolled her sleeves up- most likely a nervous habit. It reveals inked scars on her forearms.

Garak thought for a moment. “Doctor Bashir.” The observation of her arms is distant and evokes no feeling in him. He knew from the moment Julian said her name why she had been eager to help him in particular.

His head turned to Garak quickly- he hadn't stopped paying attention, but hadn't expected to be called upon. “Yes?”

“If I were to do shots, would I be allowed to keep the doses on hand and self administer them, or would I have to come to the infirmary every time?” His own arms are unmarked. It was too dangerous, given who would see his bare skin, for Tolan to give into that form of sentiment- to permanently have Garak carry evidence with him.

“Normally I give patients a few doses and they self administer. I see no reason why you'd be different.” It was not said with anything but pure neutrality.

“I wanted to be sure. I'd rather use the shots, in that case.” His name would have become fetid in her mouth if she knew of Garak outside the boundaries of this room and those marks.

“Would you like me to go ahead and give you the first dose?”

Garak nodded. No more incidents like this. At last.

The first time he sees Kel, the stripes of her childhood have faded, and he assumes she is Barkan’s. So did everyone else. As her age of emergence approached, its clear to everyone they'd assumed wrong. One time at Bamarren, in the garden, and Barkan a week late coming back for Palandine's cycle-

It must've been embarrassing, when Barkan realized. Most peikirvi fucked the wife too, at least once. Historically, it was thought all they did was transfer the husband's seed, with a little of themselves- ultimately, they were not recorded as the father in that case. They knew better now.

Barkan never allows the two of them in the same bed without him as a physical barrier. They went back to Prime a few times- Garak has his own room in the historic Lokar home after the ceremony.

Dr. Bashir put the hypospray down next to his hand. “I'll go ahead and have the pharmacy retrieve a few more doses for you so they're ready when you leave.”

Garak’s hand curled around the handle. “Thank you, doctor.”

The round circle of metal (always cold) went a half inch past the end of his neck ridges, under the chin, like always.

He never sleeps well there. He kept remembering- one time he'd been helping prepare guest rooms, and fell asleep on top of an heirloom silk quilt. Mila never locked him in a closet, but she'd roll out a mat of rough sticks and make him kneel on it in front of the estate cenotaphs for hours.

He'd lived decently on his own as an Order agent, but never that decently.

“Do you have any questions for me?” Dr. Ammshah asked.

“No.” He'd already dismissed the one from earlier. Except- “If this happens again, will Dr. Bashir need to call on you?”

She turned to him. Like with now, and the examination, she'd had Dr. Bashir take careful watch. “I think that may be something at his discretion. Normally, I would have someone observe quite a few procedures before trying to undertake one. But usually I'm dealing with residencies, not a full fledged doctor. Most likely, I'd still end up supervising over video at least.”

Dr. Bashir inclined his head. “I do think I’d be able to handle it, but yes, I would most likely call you just in case.”

The Lokars have silk quilts too- they'd been very fashionable, six to eight generations ago. Barkan has him on top of one once. The whole time Garak is thinking about the launderer, a quiet young thing, and wondering how the hell he was going to clean it.

The Garak cenotaph on Tain’s estate was blank in his childhood (Tolan is on it now), but the message was clear- you will die here.

Garak nodded and leaned back. “I don't plan on this happening again.”

It was better if it wasn't a baby. If it was, where would he bury it? Where you buried your dead was your home. What name would be put on the cenotaph he did not have, on a station with no soil deeper than his knee?

---

Jabara sat next to him, jarring him out of his thoughts. “You're three hours into overtime today.”

Julian wished he could say he hadn't noticed, but he had. Perfect internal clock and everything.

Dr. Ammshah would be leaving in a few days. A check up after a day, a few days of buffer in case of a last minute emergency, then she'd be on her way back to Vulcan. Which left him with one less pair of hands soon.

“I'm just trying to make sure everything goes smoothly.” Julian rubbed a hand over his face. “How's setting up the storage bay going?”

“It's going fine. It hasn't really been used since the last time we needed it, so it didn't need to be cleared out.”

He had been to send his earliest cases home with a minder. That freed up eight beds, with more flagged as being viable to go home under the same conditions. However, he still had more patients coming in- both newly ill and those who'd tried to tough out what they'd assumed was a bad dining choice at first. The surgical suite had a few beds in it now.

Calculations in his head guessed that at least they'd seen a slowdown starting the day Dr. Ammshah left. “That's good. Are any beds ready yet?”

“A few. Yaatare wants to move the first patient over in the next hour or so.”

“I'll want to look things over first.”

“I know. And I was hoping I'd have to comm you to tell you instead of finding you still here.” Jabara stared scalpels in the side of his head.

“Everyone's doing overtime right now.”

“When was your last day off?”

Julian sighed. “Jabara-”

“You're comfortable telling off the rest of the medical staff and any Starfleet officer you see for poor work habits like too much overtime, but you set a poor example.” Jabara leaned back. “You asked me to be blunt with you from the beginning sir, so- it gives the impression that you're a hypocrite, or that you don't trust your staff.”

Julian flinched. It wasn't the first time Jabara told him that- the fact that she fully took him up fully on the request to be blunt was why he preferred working with her. “You want me to check on the storage bay and go back to my quarters.”

“At least. I also frankly don't want to hear you came back here any sooner than eight hours from now. Ten would be better.”

Julian put his hands up. “Alright. I'll go.”

---

Quark’s was perhaps not the best place to unwind if your stress came from how busy you were. Normally the sights- bright lights, Dabo attendants covered in glitter and rhinestones, flashes of brilliant color everywhere- sounds- shrieks of delight and anger, the wheels turning, glass clinking, conversations- smells- all kinds of food, astringent alcohol, a bit of sweat, cleaner (Quark never allowed vomit to sit the way he never let a paying customer's glass sit empty)- made it exciting.

Right now, Julian was just regretting his choices, holed up in a corner alone. Quark had taken one look at him and mixed something without even asking what he was in the mood for- it was vaguely reminiscent of a hot toddy. Julian found he didn't mind it.

He wiped the red foam from the corner of his mouth and sighed.

“I don't usually see you here by yourself.”

Julian managed a smile as Jadzia slid into the seat across from him. “Well I'm not by myself now, am I?”

“Mm. Is this how it usually works for you?”

“How what works?”

“Dates. You sit alone, looking sad and pretty, and someone eventually walks over.”

“Ah, so I'm pretty.” Julian said, sipping his drink. “And no, usually I'm here for fun and enjoying myself.”

Jadzia peered at his mug. “Oh, Quark gave you a Sweet Howler.” She grimaced a bit. “I heard kunowaat was going around. I didn't realize it was this bad.”

How badly was this going to hit him in the morning? Julian sighed. “It's not the worst thing to deal with. A steady, high, clean water intake, and a constant drip of diozaine, and basically anyone who catches it will live. It's just resource intensive and… annoying."

“I can imagine. I'm glad I'm vaccinated.”

“We've been working on that.” Julian muttered. “I told other Starfleet Medical doctors on Bajor to make it a top priority, but the problem with Bajorans and vaccines…”

“We still haven't built up everyone's trust after the Occupation.”

“No. Especially not in rural areas, like where it started this time.” Julian looked up at her. “Enough about work. How have you been? Any interesting holosuite programs you've discovered?”

Are you alright after the Joining Council almost let you die to save themselves some face?

“I've been okay. And no, no new interesting programs have made their way into my clutches.”

I've been okay, often meant something very different, Julian found.

“And which ones does the major like?” Julian asked.

“I don't think she has a preference yet.”

“Really?”

Jadzia shrugged. “She likes a little of everything, and nothing in its entirety out of what I've introduced her to. We've been trying out more programs recently…” she cocked her head. “Some people are just a bit picky. That makes it all the more special when you do find what they like.”

Interesting.

“How has Bareil been?”

Jadzia gave him a puzzled look. “Why would I know?”

Julian tapped his fingers on the side of his mug. “You just mentioned you've been with the major a lot lately. I thought she might’ve mentioned something.”

Jadzia doesn't quite buy it, still giving him an odd look. “She hasn't, really. Since when are you interested in what vedeks are doing, Julian?”

“Well, he's not just any vedek. If I'm to live right next to Bajor I ought to know what's going on with… politics.”

Jadzia squinted at him. “Do you know something I don't?”

“About Bareil? No.”

“Hm.” Jadzia leaned back.

“Are you going to report me to Odo?” Julian said lightly.

Jadzia softened a bit, not that she was especially hardened in the first place. “For all I know, he put you up to asking me.” She looked around, then peeked under the table. “Doesn't look like he's nearby, though.”

“You can't tell.”

“Well, not anymore.” Jadzia admitted. “It used to be something was a little off about whatever form he took. He's gotten better recently. A spare jacket in one of the labs turned out to be him and made me jump half a Quark into the air a few days ago.”

Julian snickered. “Half a Quark… I'll have to remember that one.”

---

Garak sat on the floor.

His holding cell was now an apartment. A ransacked apartment- Garak had accidentally slept in his shop last night, and Dukat hadn’t hesitated to seize the opportunity to target him in his tantrum- but just. An apartment.

He wondered if he'd be pushing his luck to request different quarters now.

He looked around, taking stock, and halted on an ajar wall panel. He yanked at it, heart pounding, and the metal bent- the red box was still there. Garak cradled it in his lap for a moment.

The recitation mask stared up at him. And kept staring.

Garak picked it up and threw it at the wall.

It only bounced off. The mask was lightweight, but the stone was strong and resilient.

Garak let out an angry sigh- bordering on a growl, really- as he got up off the floor. He picked up a chair leg that had broken off.

The mask gave him no more satisfaction than a clunk.

Garak tried, all night- throwing it, stomping on it, putting it under a table leg and then pushing down with all he had- the mask did not break.

[adhderall]

God so. a lot of women on here are like "omg why do so many women want to remove their uterus that's soo stupid they must be dumb for wanting to remove healthy organs"

and I understand the sentiment but it's like... full offense but how could you lack so much sympathy and understanding as a supposed feminist...??

like. You know women are essentially seen as Ripe Walking Wombs, yeah? So much so that doctors will often prioritize a fucking POTENTIAL FETUS over a woman's life. getting pregnant is seen as a given, if you have the reproductive organs and are of ""childbearing age"".

I was looking at clinical trials and so many of them won't allow women of ""childbearing age"" to participate unless they're fucking surgically sterilized..... Apparently it's not enough to say that you're a virgin, that you NEVER intend on having kids, that you're a fucking lesbian, etc.

I know tubal ligation is a thing and etc. but even that doesn't work 100% of the time.... so I don't know if they'd even count that.

like goddamn is it really a MYSTERY to you why so many women want to get rid of that shit??? I understand that ~you shouldn't remove healthy organs~ but fucking seriously.

"oh men don't want to cut off their balls so why do women want to remove their uterus" please think that through. I think the answer is very obvious.

[compassionatereminders]

i keep sending you asks but i also want to express my sympathy for that anon over eugenics and “sterilization”. i am a transgender man and i could not get them to agree to do a tubal or give me a hysterectomy (i’m still trying to get it covered), even if i already had one child, until i told them my psychiatric diagnoses. i did not know what to do besides that. the obgyn i told quickly changed his tune, agreed to do both, got a tubal, all over my paperwork “female sterilization” instead of the specific procedure. i know it’s not uncommon phrasing, but it kind of reeks. i am very sorry you received such a rude anon and the belief in eugenics other people have runs deep, even if it can be subtle.

Oh yeah it genuinely would and does work and that's gross as fuck but what's even grosser is pushing it on people who don't desire one because they "shouldn't procreate"