#i do not know what else to add i do not know how to use Tumblr(((((

[coolwyous]

┈─★ 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵 ( 𝗯𝗼𝘆, 𝘁𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝗿𝗼 )

   ⊹ ࣪ ˖ everyone has warned you about the less than shining reputation of women's hockey team captain daniela avanzini. arrogant, hot-headed, so, so bad for you, and extremely off-limits. so why is it that you can't get the blonde out of your head?

         ˎˊ˗  ❄️  ⊹ ࣪ ˖  🔓୭˚.  ⠀ ᵎᵎ ⠀ 🗝️

   ➴ pairing: hockey captain! daniela avanzini x coach's daughter! f!reader

   ➴ genre + wc: 23k, college au, forbidden/off-limits romance, friends w benefits to lovers?, sneaking around, slow burn, angst, bad communication, they start off toxic sorry not sorry, fuckboy/fratboy jock dani, reader's "i can fix him" energy is much too strong, however "you fall first she falls harder."

   ➴ you might want to tune in...: te quiero - kiss of life

┈─★ a/n: and we are all now officially full circle in the ditto verse to welcome home our fav fuckboy daddy dani <3 let me know what you think. i know it was a ton but i had so much fun exploring this dynamic i just couldn't stop adding to it. i'm gonna miss u hockeyverse!wigline but they were genuinely so much fun to write. hit me up with any ideas for anyone, i'd love to write a few shorter things/imagines and get more creative! thank you again for your time and all the love everyone has given this series! <3

cw:// mentions of recreational drug use, suggestive themes, mild violence but it's a hockey fic so that was to be expected i think....

[*set one year following the events of ditto/hlbwfil!]

“and another thing, your location stays on at all times.” your dad’s rambling to making sure you know exactly how little freedom you have. “you go to class, you come to practice, you go to the library maybe, and you go home.”

you cross your arms. “dining hall?”

“fine, dining hall.” he huffs. “i want permission before you step foot off this campus.”

“not happening,” you tell him simply. the vein in his forehead looks like it’s about to burst. 

“oh, are you paying for your own lawyer? after all the shit you pulled, you’re lucky you were even able to transfer.” he glares you down, his brow twitching. “i’m trying to keep you from ruining your life, y/n.”

“y/n,” your mom adds sternly, as a warning. “you have no idea how lucky you are that you get to start fresh after this.”

“yeah, no cheer, no friends, basically under house arrest, finishing college in the stupid boring city i grew up in instead of literally anywhere else. i feel like a real winner,” you roll your eyes, disappearing upstairs to go find your laptop before they can keep lecturing you.

you can talk back all you want, but they’ve never listened anyways. 

the last thing you want for your junior year of college is to have to start over, but here you are, trying to memorize the layout of this confusing campus before classes start tomorrow. you slip your earphones in and close your eyes, trying to get some rest. you have a feeling this semester is going to be a hard one.

-

you’ve always hated growing up in this city. he drives you to campus together and you hate the fact that you’re a year away from graduating and getting a ride from your dad still. you find your way around your first few classes and end sitting next to a gorgeous bobbed girl in your world literature class. 

“do you care about this stuff?” you ask, figuring you might as well make friends if you’re going to have to start over.

“i do,” she nods.

“would you be down to study with someone who doesn’t?”

she laughs and gives you a quick once-over. “you give trustworthy vibes.”

your dad was extremely clear. classes, practice, then straight home. you make your way to the stadium to get to their practice, under your dad’s direction after you get lost twice. you hate feeling the eyes on you as you walk into the training area, clearly a new face amongst people who’ve been training together since the summer time.

“new prospect?” someone asks. 

your dad clears his throat and motions to you. “this is y/n, my daughter, she’ll be shadowing for the season.”

“i didn’t know you had a girl, coach,” a blue-haired girl says curiously, waving up at you as you set your stuff down on a bench.

you’re not surprised. he usually only talks about the boys, your two older brothers, and how one is currently a commentator for the nhl and the other runs a hockey training camp on the east coast. 

“she’ll be stats manager,” he tells them, and it catches you by surprise— it’s the first you’re hearing of it. 

“isn’t that the assistant coach’s job?” you question.

“always good to have an extra pair of eyes,” he says, glaring over at you, almost threateningly, and the double meaning isn’t lost on you.

“welcome to the team,” a tall brunette says to you as she gets on the ice, and you smile appreciatively at everyone who acknowledges you, even if it’s just kissing your ass to get better with your dad. 

you hate starting new. you watch a red-haired girl, a ginger, and a blonde coming down the rafters, gear in hand, the blonde laughing as the red-haired girl tries grabbing her by the shoulder. they’re approaching you quickly, and maybe you should move out of the way of the player box, but by the time the thought occurs, they’re in front of you. 

“off limits,” you hear the red-haired girl say quickly.

“what is?” you ask, but you’re cut off by a rush of someone in your bubble. 

“hi,” the blonde girl, now just inches out of your face, greets breathlessly, a giant smile on her face. “you are absolutely gorgeous.”

oh god. it’s a strong first impression, but the way her dimple creases in the corner of her cheek makes your heart thud. you feel your cheeks turning red and already abandoning you.

“thank you,” you manage, before the taller ginger yanks her back.

“are you sure you’re related to our coach?” the red-haired one laughs. “the big bald dude who looks like he’ll shit himself at minor inconveniences?”

“dna test says i’m his,” you joke weakly. 

you can hear them mumbling amongst themselves as they get on the ice and skate away.

“god damn,” the blonde shakes her head. 

“off limits,” another girl echoes, shoving into her shoulder. 

your dad hands you a clipboard, and the assistant coaches comes up to you to break down your new job. you look up and spot the blonde on the ice. the assistant coach’s words get lost in your ear. maybe you’ll let yourself enjoy the view.

practice is long and tedious. you’ve never been a hockey girl, much to your dad’s frustration, so watching this is like torture for the past two hours. 

you hear a sharp whistle, the one that someone blows from between their teeth. your eyes snap up to meet those sharp mischievous ones, staring you down from the ice. 

“dani, don’t fucking start–” you hear the goalie warn, but the blonde is already blasting past her, building up a dangerous amount of speed. 

realizing her pleas are on deaf ears, the goalie cheers instead, hollering at the top of her lungs. you laugh. what a girl– if you can’t stop her, might as well cheer her on.

without a single ounce of hesitation, this “dani” girl pivots to skate backwards, braces down, and leaps up to land a recklessly tossed backflip. you almost wish she’d crash, just to wipe that shit-eating grin off her face– but no, she wobbles but sticks the landing, and you get the hint that this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this.

“avanzini, we said no more with the fucking backflips! stop showing off,” the assistant coach grunts. “ten laps since you want to be such a smart ass.”

she looks over at you one last time and flashes a grin at the assistant coach. “i’ll do eleven as an apology.”

she’s still doing laps when your dad gives a quick reminder about tomorrow’s practice and waves the girls off. they trickle off the ice and towards their gear one by one. you’re waiting for your dad before you hear a tap on the plexiglass, turning to spot the blonde waving at you from the other side.

“hey, don’t forget about me when you leave here today, alright?” she grins.

“already forgot your name,” you tell her, and you won’t mention having picked up on it from the goalie.

“it’s dani.” she breathes up against the plexiglass and traces the letters in. she grins charmingly, pointing to the word written in the fog of her breath against the glass. “d-a-n-i. now you won’t forget it, promise?”

you shake your head laughing as she skates past you. your dad is on another lecture as the two of you drive home, him rambling something about who knows what. you’re not listening, anyways.

you don’t want to give her the satisfaction, but her stupid antics worked. you can’t get the blonde out of your head. 

-

chaewon, the girl from your literature class, adopts you and somehow you’re always 2 degrees of separation from that stupid team. chaewon is dating one of the defenders, the blue-haired girl named yunjin, but luckily chae’s other friends don’t care for hockey quite as much. 

going to practice is still a pain, but the girls are never mean to you. you start to pick up on the names, the dynamics of the girls, and how your dad sees them. he mentioned last names to you before, but the names never stuck. you’re way better with faces anyways. 

there’s a clear star on that ice, an insanely fast ginger who pushes so hard, she’s dripping sweat within minutes of each practice starting. 

your dad never critiques one of the goalies, simply nodding at everything she does the way he used to approve of your brothers. you pick up on her likelihood of being your dad’s favorite and make a mental note of it. she’ll be the one you hunt down when you need to get out from under his radar. 

and that damn blonde. you see the way his head gets progressively redder and redder each time he screams at her. but what you like about her is she bites right back— for every call your dad makes that someone else swallows and takes on the chin, daniela is pausing practice entirely and challenging him on it. 

“i’m not arguing with you again, avanzini,” he growls at practice during week 2 of school. his face reddens as he blows the whistle. as much as you expect for the whistle to resume play, daniela holds her hand up to the rest of the team. they stay frozen on the ice. 

listening to this girl, instead of the head coach? when you did cheer, your coach’s word was like god. to see just how much influence the blonde has on the group is terrifying. 

“give me one good reason why kazuha should sweep left if she’s right dominant instead of passing,” dani questions.

“throws off incoming offense,” your dad responds.

“no, it throws off our outgoing offense,” daniela pushes back, nearly a growl. “if zuha passes backwards to yunjin, megan’s fast enough to catch whatever she sends up and i can block off anyone incoming.”

“megan’s fast but not—“

“i can be faster,” megan chirps up, nervous eyes on your dad as she hides behind the shorter blonde. “dani always knows where to put the puck. if we fake it and send it back to yunjin, dani can make a hole, and i can be there.”

“do you hear how insane you guys sound, intentionally losing ground?” your dad balks.

“kazuha’s strongest doing what she does best: covering right. yunjin’s powerful enough to get the pass up, and megan is fast enough to receive it.” daniela skates right up to your dad, where he stands in the player box, and gives a confident smirk. “and i’m damn smart enough to see who’s gonna try to intercept it.”

you can tell this is the girl that has cost him many sleepless nights. “the shit-head” as he used to refer to her when he’d rant about work. 

-

the team has a friendly scrimmage against a neighboring team later that week before the season starts, you see the team’s synergy on full display. your dad runs them like a well oiled machine, working like a pack of lions to take down a kill with your dad orchestrating all of it.

and daniela, with that damn smirk as she blasts past everyone on the ice with expert precision.

“she’s not exactly the biggest, but she’s smart on that ice,” your dad tells you in the car after their scrimmage win, shaking his head. “smart as all hell. kills me that our team captain is such a shit-head, but damn can she can perform.”

“and left wing, that position with that ego?” he keeps rambling. “when i met her before her freshman year, when she had first signed with the university, i was shitting myself thinking she’d be a puck hog, but she’s such a team fucking player. her and kazuha set megan up like clockwork. that little megan is shaky off the ice but such a force when she’s got the right set up.”

“and daniela is the right setup?” you question curiously.

“daniela and kazuha. they work together.” your dad explains, gesturing with two fingers side by side. “the defensemen keep to the back to support the goalie, and the wings work together up front to support the center.”

“okay,” you breathe, but your mind is still on that damn captain for reasons you can’t explain. maybe hockey has some redeeming qualities.

“you know, kiddo, it’s nice to see you so interested,” he smiles as you guys pull into the driveway.

you choke back the laugh. maybe you’ll spare your poor dad from your inner thoughts.

-

the hockey girls are nice to you, but almost too nice. you can tell they’re tip-toeing as they assess how delicate you are. it sucks, because you’d love to make friends with them if you have to spend every day seeing them, but at least you have chaewon, and she’s exactly who you seek out when you decide to do a little digging.

“what do you know about daniela avanzini?” you ask her one day out of the blue, as you’re in line together for coffee. 

“oh, she plays hockey with my girlfriend,” chaewon says, but you can tell there’s more she’s not telling you just by how she stiffened at the name.

“and?” you press.

“she’s the captain of their team.”

“and?”

“y/n, what are you trying to find out?”

“i’m just curious,” you shrug. “my dad can’t stop talking shit about her but she’s nothing but nice to me.”

“i’m sure she’s nice to you, just like all the girls are, so your dad doesn’t kill them,” chaewon laughs. she pauses, then shakes her head, letting out a sigh. “yunjin has her thoughts. dani’s… somethin’. i’m not a fan, personally.”

“you’re the first person that’s been honest with me,” you thank her. you hold onto her words for the rest of the day, even at the end of the night when you’re curled up in bed scrolling through your powerpoints for the next day.

chaewon doesn’t forget, and sends you a link. you open it and it sends you to a tik tok. 

“who on the team would you not let your kid date?” the girl behind the camera asks, before cutting to several other girls on the team.

“dani.���

“oh, definitely daniela.”

“daniela avanzini.”

the final scene of the tik tok is the blonde herself, a big toothy grin, clearly not in on the joke.

“my name is daniela and i’m a left wing.”

you stare at the comments. 

oh i get it

HI DANIELA (louder than the rest)

raw, in reverse, on my knees, whenever she wants it, til the bed breaks, til the neighbors call the cops-

you feel your curiosity multiply at the next related video, one of her giving a few press statements following last year’s championship win. 

“we played smart and worked together. the only thing you can ask for is unity, and this year proves what a good unit can do.” she seems so serious in the clip, yet equally playful as you’ve seen her. an interesting balance for the face of their team.

“you were able to focus on all his despite losing player of the year?” the interviewer asks.

“i’m player of the year in many people’s hearts, and that’s good enough for me. gotta keep a good head game up if i want to rep that C,” she responds.

you roll your eyes at the way she smirks at the camera. the comments all go crazy over her suggestive double meaning, but it’s the most viewed video on the account, so you kinda get it. dani is infuriatingly charming, and that makes for a great face for the team. 

you feel your pulse race. god, what is it with you and the intrigue of this girl who everyone is telling you to run far, far away from?

-

“hey!” lara greets you the next day after the girls all finish up with physical therapy. she’s always been particularly passionate about making sure you feel included, and recently, you’ve let yourself believe it’s a sincere attempt at forging a friendship.

“what’s up?”

“a few of us are going back to my place to watch tapes on the tv, prepping for the game.” she hands you her phone, opened to the dial pad. “you’re welcome to join us.”

“you sure i won’t be intruding?” you ask before giving her your contact info.

“not at all. we’ll be up late. it’ll be like a fun hockey sleepover.” lara smiles, before motioning over to the ginger. “don’t let the puppy dog scare you off, we fed her once and now we can’t seem to get rid of her.”

“if i knew being your housemate meant you’d keep making that stupid stray dog joke, i would have just stayed living in the dorms,” megan glares at the older girl. 

you laugh and nod in appreciation. “i’d love that. i think chaewon is getting tired of me interrupting her study time. i’ll be there.”

your dad is actually quite pleased to hear you’ll be reviewing tapes, and drops you off at lara and megan’s place just a few minutes off campus. you figured lara’s name would be the key to getting out of house arrest, and you were right. 

the house is huge and slightly messy, littered with clothes and meal prep boxes, the clear home to some very serious student athletes. 

you’re getting comfortable on the couch as megan runs to get you a water bottle, when a bedroom door opens and you’re staring directly into the dark mischievous eyes that have been stuck in your head for the past two weeks.

“what are you doing here?” she asks quickly, narrowing her eyes in confusion. 

“reviewing tapes.” you blink as you realize whatever room she came out of, she came out in only some shorts and a sports bra. you try not to objectify her, but damn is she making it hard. “same as you?”

“i live here,” daniela responds quickly, and you come to the realization that lara didn’t specify megan as her only roommate.

“put some clothes on,” lara rolls her eyes, throwing a hoodie in dani’s direction. “we have company, you animal.”

“sorry you’re jealous of my insanely hot bod. if you looked like this you’d be half naked everywhere too,” the blonde pushes back, and you try to ignore the way you feel your heartbeat in every vein as she hops over the back of the couch and gets comfy next to you on the couch as lara turns on the first video.

you begrudgingly share with lara that your dad is extremely protective, and she’s the only one he trusts you to hang out with. she beams proudly and promises to not get you into any trouble with curfews or whatever.

lara’s girlfriend joins you guys just a few minutes later, as do a few other girls from the team. being alone with them away from your dad helps them loosen up a little, and it’s actually really fun to see their actual dynamic instead of the fake niceties you see as they try to be on their best behavior at practice. 

11pm rolls around, and your dad shoots you a text letting you know he expects you back before midnight. you want to scream at how little freedom you have even at your grown age, but the girls are all extremely understanding and offer their own solutions to helping you get home without having to rely on your dad to come pick you up.

“i can uber,” you wave them off, not wanting to inconvenience anyone.

“no, dani’ll drive you home,” lara states firmly, pulling out her phone. “i’ll vouch to your dad for you since i’m your designated guardian angel.”

you don’t want to be a burden, but the thought of getting to finally talk 1 on 1 with the girl stuck in your head sends your pulse racing.

“is that okay with you?” you ask, turning towards the captain in question.

“yeah,” she nods, getting off the couch and slipping on her sneakers. “lar, give me the keys.”

“no stops, no detours, no nothing,” lara warns, tossing her the keychain. “it takes 15 minutes to get there so i’m gonna watch your location. if i don’t see you driving back home in 16, i’m calling the police on you.”

“fine,” the blonde responds curtly, motioning for you to follow her outside. 

“daniela, i’m so serious,” lara threatens. “be decent.”

dani rolls her eyes and waves her off as you two make your way to the car. 

“thanks for being willing to take me,” you tell her, trying to be loud enough over the heater blasting. you don’t know how she’s able to just be out in the fall-time weather in a hoodie, shorts, and some socks.

“no worries.” she shakes her head, eyes locked on the road. “coach doesn’t want you out of his sight or what?”

“he thinks being on high alert keeps me out of trouble,” you roll your eyes.

“what kind of trouble did you get into?” she asks curiously.

you freeze. ugh. and this was supposed to be your fresh start. 

“i just really, really like doing things i’m not supposed to,” you answer after a moment, hoping it’s enough.

“ah,” she says simply, her jaw hardening, but there’s a smirk threatening to come out. “that’s my bad habit too.”

you admire the way the red lights illuminate her skin, the roundness of her features, the contrast against the sharpness of those mischievous eyes. 

“kind of embarrassing that you know my dad like that,” you wrinkle your nose.

“he’s not that bad, as far as coaches go, obviously can’t speak about him as a dad.” she snorts. “i’d kill to have a dad that passionate about hockey.”

“have your parents ever seen you play?” you ask, hoping to get to know more about this girl.

she looks at you in surprise. you wonder if she’s ever been asked this question or what.

 “when i was a kid, they were at every game. not so much for collegiate.”

“live too far or what?” you ask curiously.

she smiles, but it’s a smile of hesitation. you try to read what she’s debating within herself.

“they cut me off when i was 18.” 

“why?”

“tried to bring a girl home for my birthday.” she clicks her tongue. “big mistake.”

“you’re serious?” you ask, half-shocked at the answer.

“they cut me off, and the girl dumped me. double whammy. luckily, lara’s family took me in for the summer.”

“how far back do you guys go?” you ask, curious about their dynamic. of course they’re also close with megan, but lara has always seemed particularly protective of dani, weird considering dani is technically in a position of power over her friend.

“we met at a hockey camp in the 5th grade,” daniela smiles. “every time her parents see us play, they cheer for me too.”

she’s so sweet, sharing this piece of herself with you, you figure she deserves a piece of your puzzle too. 

“i got kicked out of school because they caught me with drugs.” you confess, and you don’t know what it is about daniela’s sincerity that makes you feel like you can trust her. “they weren’t mine. they were my friend’s, and she needs to be there, getting a cheer scholarship, going to school.”

“you took the fall?” she asks, and her voice is full of surprise without being full of judgement.

“i have a family, a house,” you explain, “she had literally nothing.”

she arches a brow and smiles at you through the corner of her eye, still looking at the road.

“i just thought you had a bad attitude,” she teases.

you laugh. “i have that too.”

“as someone who could have easily been in your friend’s shoes, she’s lucky to have someone like you,” daniela tells you, and the sincerity in her voice makes your whole body go warm. you can’t help but dive into a deeper question, something that’s been clawing at you.

“dani,” you start, your voice dropping quietly. “can i ask you something?”

“as long as you’re prepared to not like my answer,” she laughs, and you catch yourself in the shimmer of her tooth gem. 

you breathe out softly, trying to connect the dots. 

“how come everyone is telling me not to be friends with you?”

daniela’s smile falls ever so slightly, her hands tightening around the steering wheel.

“are they?” she wrinkles her nose. 

“kazuha said i’m off limits, lara’s whole ‘be decent,’ thing,” you remind her, trying to think back to other times the team has been weird about dani being around you. “have you bullied people off the team before or what?”

“something like that,” she shakes her head, staring off at the street. 

“you’re the only person who doesn’t treat me weird because of my dad,” you tell her, “you’re not delicate or super nice to me like i’m going to snitch on you.”

“i’m an asshole to everyone,” she laughs.

“but you’re not an asshole,” you push. “you’re actually very, very decent.”

“is that a compliment? i’ll take it as a compliment.” she beams. “i thrive off attention, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“you’re hard to not notice,” you poke back.

you both laugh together as the car pulls into park. you half think about asking her to kiss you, those insanely beautiful lips achingly close, but your eyes dart to the time and you realize it’s 30 seconds until lara threatened to call. you hate this stupid house arrest shit. 

“hope you don’t get your ass beat,” she says simply, and you laugh again. 

“thank you for driving me.”

“don’t get used to it,” she reaches over your lap to unlock your car door, and the proximity of her body sends your brain into overdrive. she swing the door open and pulls back into her own seat. “you won’t get the princess treatment here.”

“wouldn’t want it anyways.” you give her a quick once-over before leaving the car, taking the moment in one last time. she waves as she watches you disappear back inside.

maybe the team thinks they know her, but the version you saw tonight of the blonde makes you feel like you’re going crazy. daniela checks off all the boxes. authentic, unfiltered, and infuriatingly hot. you fall back onto your bed once you get upstairs and let your mind roam into fantasy world, and you finally admit to yourself what it seems your body has known for much, much longer.

you have a crush on daniela avanzini. 

-

the first game throws you straight into the deep end of college hockey. you didn’t realize how serious women’s hockey was to the university until you see the jam-packed crowd, nearly every single seat in the arena filled with screaming fans for the team’s season-opener game. 

“good luck,” you tell the girls, nerves fluttering in your chest as you take to the coach’s bench next to your dad and the assistant coaches.

you spot megan press a quick kiss to her girlfriend’s lips and raise a thumbs up at you. a few other girls nod at your well-wishes, but that blonde is pushing past them all without an ounce of fear. 

“don’t need it,” dani tells you simply, grinning before hitting the ice. 

the game is insanely fast paced, and you never realized just how fun keeping up with hockey can be when you’re actually invested. the scrimmage was interesting but the actual game is addicting, violent and coordinated all at once, making it impossible to tear your eyes away. the girls dominate the first period, keeping an early lead on the other team. the second period is a strong play for defense to keep their lead up. it’s in the third and final period where they get a little shaky, the rookies starting to stand out from the veterans as a missed play accidentally gives up a shot to the other team, tying them back up 1-1.

your dad, infuriated by this misstep, calls a timeout and the girls all come zooming to the player box, dripping in sweat and drinking hurriedly from their water bottles. 

“who cost us that fucking shot?” your dad roars angrily from the time out. 

you know the only reason the other team got the puck was because of that new little freshman eunchae, who was losing steam in this last period and ended up too far back in her zone to catch the pass back from yunjin, giving it up by accident to allow the other team to score. 

“me,” daniela immediately speaks up, and you feel your face twist in confusion. “it was me. i wasn’t open for eunchae to make it to me.”

before you can call her out for the lie, she shoots you a glare, and you realize what she’s trying to tell you. 

“you’ll feel it in practice,” your dad threatens.

“i’ll get us up by two,” daniela bites back immediately.

“big talk for someone who just let us get tied in the bottom of final period.”

daniela leaps over the wall and takes back to the ice before the timeout is even called over. she’s skating hard enough to look like she’ll smash through the ice with each stride.

you analyze it. lara and yunjin sharing a look, eunchae looking both panicked and relieved as she sits on the bench and lets the other defenseman swap her in, megan skating up to dani and trying to say something to her. but daniela waves her off, pointing to a few spots on the ice, before the timeout ends, kazuha regains her position, and the faceoff starts once more.

you hate to admit it, lest it feed your crush any more, but holy shit, is daniela good. 

the debate with your dad ramps her up into 6th gear. she was good before, but she’s insane now, her movements sharper, her skating harder. every time the puck ends up in her control, if she’s not taking a shot, then she’s making sure megan can. she’s absolutely relentless in her pursuit of catching up.

“she’s freaking their goalie out,” the assistant coach says, realizing what daniela’s intention is. the blitz at every opportunity has clearly exhausted the goalie on the other team, meanwhile lara in the goalie box has barely gotten a chance to see the puck due to dani’s aggressive offense. kazuha passes to dani, who makes a shot to bring them up a lead 2-1, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for daniela.

true to her word, the buzzer hits with dani sending a pass to a waiting megan, who scores them a final point.

ending score: 3-1.

“i better see you a half hour early tomorrow for that extra point you cost us,” your dad huffs at dani as the girls are barely coming off the ice. 

“bring me a donut, big guy,” she bites back dryly, her chest heaving. you’re amazed she can manage to get the words out after how tired she seems.

you wait in the car as your dad does the post-game debrief, but when he gets in the driver’s seat, you have some pressing questions based off what you saw.

“she got the team up to the win. why are you so hard on her?” you ask as your dad drives you guys home. 

“avanzini? that’s what a captain is for,” he responds in confusion.

“to be a punching bag?”

“to be responsible,” he corrects. “it was her call to start eunchae instead of letting her watch from the bench. i’m not blind, i know it was hong’s fault she lost that pass.”

“so then why did you let dani take the fall if it wasn’t her fault?”

“because it was her call.”

“but this is eunchae’s first game. i’m sure it gave her tons of confidence to see playtime and know her mistakes won’t cost her.”

“then hopefully avanzini finds it worth it.”

you won’t pretend to understand. you finally decide to commit and follow each of the team members on instagram. they all follow you back within the hour– all except for daniela.

-

your crush only grows, and yet, you feel like since that night in the car, something shifted for her. she’s less attentive to you, less eager for your attention, almost intentionally cold. she avoids your eyes during group meetings, stops sitting next to you during tape reviews, and she still hasn’t fucking followed you back on instagram. you don’t know what her deal is, but your intuition tells you to push deeper.

that’s why, when you spot the blonde curls peeking out from under a beanie at the coffee shop near your house your dad gave you permission to walk to, you tug her by the sleeve and smile as she turns around, pulling her headphones off her head. 

“hi, did you drive here?” you ask curiously, noting that she’s breathing heavily and covered in sweat.

“i always stop here when i finish my runs,” she answers, but the way she’s eyeing the door makes you wonder what exactly she’s so eager to escape.

“perfect,” you sing song, reaching out to her with your hand outstretched.  “walk me home?”

“bad idea,” she says quickly. 

“good idea,” you push back. “plus, i owe lara her textbook back.”

it’s true, lara’s girlfriend had let you borrow a book for your class, and it’s sitting on the corner of your nightstand. maybe you just need an excuse to talk to her again, to figure out why she’s playing this game of hot and cold with you, and you figure she’ll respond best to directness.

“you’re avoiding me,” you tell her, less of a question than an observation. 

“not true.” she shakes her head, taking a sip from her drink.  “just been busy.”

“yeah, busy avoiding me,” you push.

“maybe you’re just annoying as shit,” she bites back, but there’s a slight grin at the corners of her lips that make it feel more teasing than hurtful.

“you wouldn’t know if i’m annoying or not, ‘cause you’re avoiding me, remember?” you answer.

“fine,” she gives in, wrapping her headphones around her neck and reaching for your arm. “ i’ll walk you home, just to prove my point.”

you can’t deny the satisfaction of knowing she’s giving in, and the way she guides you out of the door of the coffee shop by your arm makes you relish in the closeness. you’ve only had one real conversation with her, but it was enough to crave another one, and walking side by side up the sidewalk gives you a warm sense of victory in your chest.

“i know you covered for eunchae,” you start, feeling the breeze nip at your nose.  

“don’t know what you’re talking about,” she smiles playfully, eyes focused on the concrete. “you know me, i just like making coach mad.”

“if you want a dad to yell at you ‘cause yours doesn’t, feel free to keep him.”

“you make me sound super fucked up when you put it that way,” she shakes her head. “like it’s a daddy issues thing.”

“the way you try to push his buttons on purpose makes it seem like a daddy issues thing,” you laugh.

“i just like getting under people’s skin,” she shrugs, and you feel your heart thud at that stupid damn dimple.

“you’re good at that,” you admit, and you almost forget what exactly you two are talking about.  “too good.”

before you know it, you’re in front of the house, a cozy two story with a giant tree in front of your window that you and your brothers had planted when you were just kids. 

“this is where coach lives?” daniela asks, looking up and down in surprise.

“i grew up here. i’d rather live alone in a dorm than with my parents, but that’s consequences or whatever,” you roll your eyes. “let me give you lara’s book. it’s upstairs.”

you push past the front door and realize dani is still lingering on the porch, staring hesitantly at the entrance.

“you can come in,” you reassure her, before noting, “nobody’s home.���

you see her eyes flicker up to you, assessing the lack of cars in the driveway, before she kicks off her shoes and follows you in. 

daniela avanzini is in your room. you try not to make a huge deal out of it, but your mind is absolutely racing. 

“don’t mind the boxes, i still haven’t unpacked all the stuff i brought back from school,” you warn. motioning to the piles in your otherwise tidy room. 

“cute,” she smiles, pointing to the framed picture of you with your former cheer team. “do you miss them?”

“all the time,” you admit. “but we talk a ton, so it’s easier.”

“this one’s hot,” she says, pointing to the picture. 

“don’t piss me off,” you warn, laughing. 

you see something return to those mischievous dark eyes of hers as they flicker up to meet yours, her tongue pressing against her teeth.

“what if i like pissing you off?”

“you’d be admitting to liking me,” you answer quickly, and she grins back at you.

“you’ve got a smart fuckin’ mouth on you,” she says, wagging a finger in your face. 

“yeah?” you challenge, feeling your pulse race as you push her finger away. “you’re pretty cocky yourself.”

“i like the attention,” she reiterates.

“but not from me?” you question playfully, taking a step closer into her bubble. “why were you avoiding me?”

“i was avoiding you,” she finally admits, reaching up to rub her jaw as she avoids your eyes. “i know you’ve done your research.”

“i want to get to know you, and you’re not letting me get to know you,” you push back, reaching out softly to link your fingers. the touch sends sparks through every nerve in your limb. 

“i need to stay away from you,” dani groans, but the way her eyes come to fixate on you abandons what her words try to convey. you realize what’s happening– she’s cracking.

“says who?” you ask, reaching down so your fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. your fingertips brush lightly against the dip of her abs and you feel your mind go numb.

“says literally everyone,” she laughs lowly.

“everyone also says you have a mind of your own,” you push back, tilting your head to look at her.

“that i do,” she breathes, and her tongue darts out to wet her lips as her gaze flickers across your features. you feel drunk under the dizziness her gaze alone has.

“so are you going to think for yourself?” you challenge.

“i’m not a decision to take lightly,” she mumbles, bringing her fingers to trace up your arm and across your collarbone. “i think you’ll hate me if you get to know me.”

“i want to make that decision for myself,” you experiment with your fingers running along the elastic of her shorts. your hands are both starting to seek more and more skin along the other’s body.

“they made it crystal clear how off limits you are,” she groans. “you set me up to fail, and i fucking hate losing.”

“i think you should kiss me, like, now,” you breathe anxiously. you feel your pulse in your ears as she watches as she leans closer and closer.

but before she can close the gap between you two, you hear the loud shut of the front door, and the click of your mom’s heels against the floor. dani’s eyes flash to the open door, and she cooly moves away from you to sit easily on your bed, pushing you away ever so gently.

“y/n? d’you get back from your walk yet?”

“hi mom,” you call out. “ran into dad’s captain and she walked me home.”

“hi, mrs. y/ln,” dani grits through her teeth, eyes still locked on you, as your mom comes upstairs and greets you both. you hope the flush of your skin isn’t enough to sell you out.

“daniela, nice to see you again. thanks for keeping an eye on y/n for us.” your mom smiles sincerely, and you figure you’re in the clear. “i didn’t know you and y/n were friends, you’re welcome to come around more often.”

“i think coach y/ln would flip if he saw me here,” dani smiles knowingly, flashing you a quick look. “but i’ll be around.”

dani excuses herself, and your mom starts going on about the lawyers calling and how your case is going to get argued down to something that’ll easily come off your record. it’s a relief, but she’s still clearly irritated with the whole situation, and you ask to go to bed early to end the conversation there.

you look down at your phone as you make it back into your bed. dani has finally followed you back, and you see a private story posted.

a picture of the top of her head, simply captioned “tryna get up to something.”

you feel a pit in the bottom of your stomach and decide to just go to sleep. at the very least, you know you didn’t make it up.

-

“coach, can y/n come out with a few of us tonight?” lara asks at the next practice. you look up at her in surprise. they had just gotten back from an away game and lara had mentioned something about a greek life party she was eager to hit up. you knew there was no chance, but lara gave you a confident shake of her head and insisted she’d figure something out to get you there. you didn’t think this meant being so confident as to ask your dad directly.

“something small?” he raises an eyebrow at her. 

“i’ll share my location if it makes you feel better,” she smiles.

“i trust you. stay with lara,” he waves you off, and you stare at the red-haired girl in disbelief. you won’t test your luck. she gives you a time to be ready to get picked up, and you thank god that your dad has favorites.

your history with college parties has been iffy at best. your cheer coach was notoriously strict. you’re jealous that the hockey girls have a different standard, but you try to push that thought away and focus on the positive: at least now, you can party without fear of punishment. 

there’s another thought you want to push away: the thought of daniela in your room. lara, megan, and their respective partners are all in the car when they stop by to pick you up, but dani is nowhere to be seen. you make up your mind that tonight, you’re going to get over this stupid fucking crush, and you’re going to do so at all costs.

you’re only a few minutes in to the less-than-tiny house party and lara has already disappeared somewhere to go be alone with her girlfriend. megan is outside in the backyard laughing insanely loudly on the swingset with her own girlfriend. you start to regret not inviting chaewon or someone else outside of the hockey team, leaving you there alone on your own.

but then blue haired yunjin is popping up in your peripheral, offering you a shot, and you take it, deciding you have nothing to lose. 

“no girlfriend tonight?” you ask.

“chae’s studying for her comps,” she wrinkles her nose. “i’d give anything to be making out with her right now.”

you laugh. “i’ll kiss a few strangers in honor of chae.”

“she’d hate that,” yunjin cackles, before serving you another drink. “but i love your intentions, so let’s pick your victim.”

“no, i get too picky,” you shake your head. “give me a criteria and that’ll be my victim.

“oh fuck yeah,” yunjin laughs, and you love how down she is. “hmm. next person to offer you a drink?

“you better put that fucking bottle down then or your girlfriend will kill you.”

yunjin shrieks with laughter and sprints off to leave the bottle back at the bar. she finds you once more and you two dive into the mosh pit of bodies all dancing together. she dances stupidly alongside you, and for a split second, you’re grateful that despite all you’ve been through this year, you can still find decent people you enjoy being around. 

a pair of hands snake around your waist, and you see a bottle of tequila get presented to you from behind you. you feel the sweat and the faint musk of a familiar clean cologne from the stranger behind you. you nod at the bottle, looking up at yunjin as you realize your victim has been selected. 

but yunjin simply stares back at you with wide eyes, shaking her head as if to warn you, before you turn and realize just what has her in such a panic. 

or rather, who. 

the stranger grabs your waist and pulls you closer, and you turn to come face to face with that mess of blonde curls. dani’s skin is flushed from what you assume is both adrenaline and drinks in her system. the two of you lock eyes and you feel the room slow down.

“hi,” you greet, wrapping your arms around her neck. 

“hi,” she breathes back. those damn eyes scan over you, searching for something. 

“we should find somewhere quiet,” you tell her simply. she eyes you, something dangerous in that dark gaze, but within moments she’s leading you upstairs, grasp tight around your wrist. you can see the shimmer of someone else’s lip gloss smeared on her mouth already, and part of it infuriates you. 

but you’re finally alone, the back of your legs hitting the bed and leading you to sit down. she’s quickly invading your space, stepping in and planting an arm on either side of you to lock you in beneath her. 

“i don’t make good decisions,” she warns you, and you let your hands untuck the front of the jersey she’s wearing, exploring the skin of her torso experimentally. she doesn’t stop you, and it makes your whole body tense.

“that’s fine,” you breathe quickly, the proximity dizzying you.  “the bad choices are always more fun.”

you see her jaw clench as your fingers trace along her back, your nails pressing into her strong shoulders as an experimental test. 

“last warning,” she breathes into your ear, her head falling to press her temple against yours. your heart feels like it’s about to leap out of your chest with how her guard falls. 

“you’re finally going to let us be friends?” you grin, watching as she pulls away to go lock the door.

she glares back at you, something dangerous in those eyes, and reaches back to pull her shirt off in one smooth motion before a devilish grin takes to her lips. 

“we’re not going to be friends,” she says simply, before leaping forward to finally claim you.

-

“you look like you’re in a good mood,” chaewon chirps as you race into the seat next to her in the early morning literature lecture.

you mention nothing of the fact that you’re on 2 hours of sleep, waking up late, ready to fall asleep at the table. 

“did i miss anything?” you huff, trying to get a grip.

“colonization, racial undertones, empiricism, the usual good stuff,” she smiles, before eyeing you in concern. “i’m serious, everything okay?”

it’s one thing to hook up at the party, but when lara called you to let you know it’s time to go, it’s another thing to be pushing daniela off you so she doesn’t make you sound suspicious over the phone. 

the ride back was spent in complete silence, lara not at all suspicious as to where you both disappeared for the few hours, but by the time you get back to their place, dani is covering your mouth with her hand to slip you into her room instead of letting you sleep on the couch where lara had initially offered.

you shudder as you fight off the flashbacks and try to focus on the lecture. “i’m totally good.”

“yunjin said she had fun hanging out with you last night,” chaewon goes on, showing you a picture the two of you had taken together that yunjin had sent her. “you guys went to that party together?”

“we ran into each other there,” you smile, loving how yunjin was so immersed in the party and still found a way to include her girlfriend. “we missed you. we both would have killed to have you there with us.”

“next time, maybe i’ll join,” chaewon smiles, and you drop your head into your hand. 

class ends, and you’re almost disappointed to not see anything from daniela. no texts checking in on how you got home (an uber to your house before your dad woke up) or dm’s letting you know she’s even alive. you’ve never been clingy before, and you don’t intend to start now, but just being acknowledged would be nice.

your head is pounding as you walk to practice. as soon as you get home, you’re going to sleep as long as physically possible, and try not to think about how incredible daniela’s hands are at–

you push the thought away, but you spot the flash of blonde curls approaching the stadium at the same time. you swear she spots you out of the corner of her eye, but she keeps walking, bag slung over her shoulder.

you’re no stranger to one night stands, but at the very least an acknowledgement would be nice? you have to work together for the rest of the season. the least she can do is not be a giant fucking jerk.

you speed up to catch her and shove into her to get her attention.

“hi, i’m alive or what the fuck ever, if that matters to you,” you push into her shoulder.

“i warned you, and you found me.” she gives you a disinterested glare, and you almost can’t believe this is the same girl you had played such a fun cat and mouse game with. she keeps walking, and you speed up to keep up with her as you guys head to the locker room. “if you’re pissed that i didn’t call you, just call me first.”

“you are really fucking full of yourself,” you spit angrily. 

“you can’t say you weren’t warned,” she shrugs, entering the empty locker room to put her bag into a locker. she takes off her jacket and hangs it up, reaching for her helmet out of her bag. “i’m not stupid. i know every single person on this team warned you about me. if you didn’t listen, that’s on you.”

“are you proud of that reputation?” you ask in disbelief. 

“i know your type,” she smirks smugly. “you play hard to get and then you’re pissed when you give in ‘cause there’s no more mystery.” 

“you don’t know shit about me,” you growl back, and something about having shared so much with her stings. you’re not mad about the hookup, you’re mad about buying all her vulnerable bullshit and thinking she wasn’t going to be every bit as shitty as everyone warned you she’d be.

“i know what you sound like screaming my name and you can’t take that shit back,” she laughs, and you want to absolutely fucking murder her. 

“i don’t know why the fuck you’re being such an asshole, but you’re a piece of shit, and i hope you choke on that ice today,” you blurt, storming off towards the player box.

“you good?” yunjin asks, noting your expression as you two cross into each other.

“i’m fine,” you wave her off, and you have to bite back a scream as daniela hops on the ice, laughing her head off with megan and lara as if your interaction had never happened.

you try to hide your disappointment. a crush you had believed in so wholeheartedly, only to see that everyone else was right to warn you.

- 

you’re relieved that your dad makes you stay home for the away games, and a break from having to see dani’s stupid face is exactly what you needed. the team leaves that weekend for a game and your mom takes over the hawk-eyed supervision, but it gives you a chance to introduce her to some of your new friends. chaewon comes over to do homework with you and brings along a friend from her english class named sophia, and you find out sophia is friends with megan’s girlfriend. 

you desperately need someone to open up to about your entire experience with daniela, but knowing chaewon is less than her biggest fan, and sophia does her best to avoid hockey drama, you realize you’re probably shit out of luck. plus, you were fairly warned by literally everyone, and you still were stupid enough to get yourself involved with her, so really, it’s a fitting punishment that you deal with the consequences.

halfway through the study session, megan (sweet, angelic megan,) reaches out to you that night to ask you to run her stats from the game. the assistant coach took from the game, and you start running the numbers while sophia and chae bicker about where the best study spot on campus is. you feel your heart sink as you realize you’ll have to do this all over again for the rest of the semester: run the numbers from every game and inform the players, and you let out a loud groan.

“i fucking hate hockey,” you tell them, interrupting their debate.

“oh, do you know how beat up my girlfriend is when she comes home to me?” chaewon shrieks. “she’s like a zombie half the time. i can’t wait for her to be done with this stupid sport.”

“all the players are massive-ego’d idiots,” sophia echoes. “well, maybe not yunjinnie–”

“no, i’m not offended, yunjin can be so loud,” chaewon butts in, wrinkling her nose. “but that megan is really sweet.”

the three of you laugh. the ginger may be single handedly balancing the reputation of the team on her shoulders. 

“well, they have an idiot for a leader,” you say, and they both chirp in agreement.

“i just have to hear about them, but you’re up close and personal,” chaewon gapes, shaking her head. “you’re a saint for dealing with all of them.”

you feel your ears get red. your closeness with daniela would probably be categorized as anything but holy, but that’s something you’ll end up taking to the grave, it turns out. 

you guys end the night with a quick goofy round of youtube karaoke, sophia and chaewon trying to out-do each other so loudly your mom drops by in concern, and you can’t help but feel a little better at the idea of facing the team tomorrow. 

“it’s like what, three more months left in their season, and then you’re free?” sophia reminds you as her and chaewon get into the car. “so easy.”

you’d like to believe her, but unfortunately, daniela wants to make it anything but easy for you.

you go player by player before practice starts, pulling them aside to show them their graphs. lara smiles at her current save rate, megan nods as you show her how fast she’s improving on her shot ratio, kazuha mumbles something to herself about more strength training when you give her the statistics on her pushbacks.

you suck in a deep breath and approach the blonde last, out of all the girls, to try and get it over with the fastest. 

“your numbers are dropping.” you tell daniela simply, dropping the clipboard in her lap as she laces up her skates.

she shoots you a glare, biting the tip of her glove to pull it off her hand and flip through your pages, and you have to physically remind yourself to stop thinking about what those teeth felt like on your skin…

“what?” she questions, brows furrowing. you’re almost surprised by how shocked she sounds. clearly, you’re telling her something she isn’t expecting.

“your average. compared to this time last season, you had this many assists under your belt.” you point to the comparison curves on the graphs. “this season, you’re hitting numbers almost a third lower. harder time keeping up?”

“check your math, there’s no way,” she huffs, standing up and tossing the clipboard off her lap. you feel your blood boil at her attitude, but there’s something giving you a power trip about seeing how angry she’s getting.

ugh. you don’t want to admit the high it gives you to get under her skin.

“ouch, that struck a nerve.” you observe, fighting the grin that wants to take over your features. “you’re underperforming, avanzini.”

“i’m competitive,” she says curtly, eyes darkening, and skates off without another look in your direction. you hear her mutter something with a curse word in spanish, and somehow, it feels like a win in your book. 

it’s not that you want to give daniela a hard time, especially if you’re going to have to be stuck together for the rest of the season, but by the time practice starts, she’s looking over at you every time she makes another pass or takes another shot. you won’t admit how much you like the attention she’s giving you, even if it’s just to prove that she’s every bit as good as her ego claims, but you hold onto the feeling of irritating her and how satisfied it makes you feel. 

lara invites you out to dinner with them again, but dani stays back on the ice after everyone else leaves, and you consider yourself the winner that day. 

dani calms down the rest of the week at practice, and is right back to ignoring you as you do your best to ignore her. you know there’s a chance you two can coexist peacefully– your friendship with lara and megan is actually quite enjoyable, even if dani makes a big deal of disappearing every time you come over or join the red-haired girl and her ginger sidekick. you kind of like the ability to not have to worry about daniela being around, but something in your stomach lurches every time you realize you’re still on her close friends story and she’s posting another shirtless photo surrounded by gorgeous random strangers. 

you know she’s probably not even thinking about you, but she’s so fucking aggravating, you need to get back at her somehow to regain your sense of control. 

so at the next evening practice, you decide to test another theory.

usually it’s just your dad who gives feedback to the girls, but he’s busy chatting with the assistant coaches and the trainee physical therapist, so you decide to put your clipboard down and lean against the half-wall to call out to the girls as they continue through their drills.

“nice shot, kazuha.”

as if they’re surprised to hear your voice, nearly half the team looks up at you, kazuha herself looking confused before breaking into a giant grin. 

“oh, ah, thank you, y/n,” she beams, and the pure joy in her face makes you wonder what the fuck your dad puts these poor girls through if the slightest affirmation is enough to excite them this much.

“me next, me next!” lara calls out to you, and the two of you laugh as you wave her off. these poor, compliment-deprived jocks.

“you gotta do something worth cheering on, first,” you yell back to her, and all the girls scramble on the ice to push further. your original plan was to compliment every single player and leave out the captain, but as you look up, dani is glaring daggers at kazuha, who is still smiling from your call out.

maybe this will be a little easier than you thought. if dani is the attention seeking type, what easier way to piss her off than showing her how easily she can be ignored? and if you can find someone specific to make it feel personal, even better.

you try remembering the dynamics you observed among the team. your dad mentioned kazuha and daniela being partners on the ice, you know she’s protective of megan so that probably won’t make a difference, lara is too goofy to take the compliment anyways–

it clicks. you remember the way chaewon doesn’t like daniela. yunjin and dani might have some kind of rivalry between them.

you pray yunjin won’t make things weird. but as if perfectly on cue, yunjin practices a spinning check on daniela and sends the captain flying backwards, slamming into the plexiglass as easily as pushing a child.

“good shit, huh,” you call out loudly as the defender skates off. yunjin’s head snaps up from the ice, and she shoots you a bright grin and a thumbs up. a few of the girls even go so far as to laugh, and you send her a matching thumbs up to emphasize your point.

you look over at the blonde, and you see dani’s jaw twitch. something about yunjin specifically strikes a nerve. bingo.

your dad takes over practice again, and daniela skates like she’s trying to smash through the ice with each stride. she’s ignoring you fully this time, taking all her passes and shots as if she’s trying to break her stick each time she hits the puck, and you’re absolutely relishing in the fact that you got the upper hand. you write down a few notes in your binder and lose yourself in thought, before a whistle from your dad catches your attention.

“huh was wide open, avanzini,” your dad glares.

“i had a clear shot,” dani shrugs. you look over at yunjin, who is shrugging confusedly at lara and rolling her eyes.

“it was your idea to pass back to her,” he reminds her.

“an idea,” dani bites back, before skating off. “not a promise.”

your dad gives some quick recap speech about the upcoming home game, and the girls break. a majority of them head straight to the showers, and you’re there waiting for your dad to finish touching base with the assistant coaches, but you notice a small handful stay on the ice. all the starters, actually. you figure it’s what gets them their starting position– extra effort, extra talent.

kazuha is the first to leave after an extra 15 minutes on the ice. then lara follows, and yunjin. your dad is back out 45 minutes later, hand on your shoulder.  you wave him off as he asks about taking you home. 

“i’ll get a ride with lara or stay at her place. is that okay?”

“you want to watch these two? i knew there was a hockey girl inside there all along,” he smiles proudly.

“i want to finish my notes,” you tell him, pointing down to your clipboard.

“go home,” the assistant coach tells the girls still on the ice. it’s just dani and megan left taking shots, passing between the two of them, now almost an hour after practice has ended. you have no idea how the two have the energy to make it through practice, much less show up early and stay behind this late, and not be collapsing the next day. finally, an hour after practice, megan leaves to go to her girlfriend’s, and that leaves you alone with daniela. 

she glares over at you, cold stare as she heads into the locker room. you follow, like a moth to a flame, not even sure what you’re planning on getting out of this conversation besides hopefully irritating her even further.

“i thought you weren’t a puck hog?” you taunt her, in reference to the reprimand from your dad for dani not passing to yunjin.

she shrugs, avoiding your gaze, as she pulls her helmet off her head and drops her gloves into her bag. “what can i say? i like the eyes on me.” 

“hm, i can tell.” you say back. 

“did you have fun watching huh today?” she asks, her tone dripping with sarcasm as she peels her jersey off her back. the black compression shirt she wears underneath is clinging to her, drenched in sweat, and it takes everything in you to peel your eyes away.

“yunjin is my friend, and i’m allowed to fucking cheer her on,” you remind her. “i thought you guys were friends?”

“we are friends.” before reminding you, “you and i aren’t.”

“you seem really weirdly jealous of someone you call a friend,” 

“i don’t want to talk about yunjin,” she nearly growls, and you can’t wait to keep exploiting this soft spot of hers.

“why not? she’s improving, like a lot, and it didn’t sound like she had a lot to work on–”

in seconds, she’s grabbing you and pressing you against the locker, her hand against the bottom of your jaw.

“y/n,” she seethes, “if you want my attention that bad, you fucking have it.”

“tell me you’ve been thinking about me,” you press, and it feels almost obsessive. her full weight is pressing against you into the lockers and it makes your pulse race att the memory of her touch. “there’s no way you’re that fucking good at pretending.”

“of course i haven’t stopped fucking thinking about you,” she breathes, and it feels like a confession. “i’ve been trying to ignore you but you’re annoying as shit. are you pissed, or do you want me? you’re sending mixed signals.”

“i thought you could think for yourself?” you challenge back.

“i can,” her eyes are trailing off to scan up your body, her grip still firm against your jaw. “if it were up to me, i know exactly what i’d want from you. but coach’s daughter is extremely off-limits, in case you didn’t remember.”

“i know what i’m getting into,” you push back.

“i warned you the first time too,” she reminds you.

 “just don’t play games with me,” you growl. “do what you want, and i will too.”

“it sounds like you want me,” she grins, leaning in so that your foreheads are almost touching.

“you think everyone wants you,” you roll your eyes, but your hands are already pulling at her waistband to pull her close. something about the fresh layer of sweat slicking her baby hairs to her neck and forehead is infuriatingly attractive to you.

“that’s ‘cause they do,” she hums back easily.

“you look at every reflective surface you walk past.” you shake your head. “you’re obsessed with yourself.”

“you’ve seen what i can do, i think you get it.” she leans down, experimentally letting her lips brush against your neck. “i’m pretty easy to be obsessed with.”

you don’t want to give her the satisfaction of a single word more, but the proximity between you two and the craving inside your bones takes over. she’s sweeping you up in one easy motion, your lips colliding with bruising force, and you lose sight of whatever it was you two were fighting about. when dani’s hands take over, everything you hated her for disappears from your mind, and all you focus on is losing your fingers in those curls as she pulls you into the showers with her.

-

you told yourself you wouldn’t get involved with anything dangerous at this new university– no bad influences, no friends that did illegal things, no risky behavior that can make things worse for you when you’re trying to start over. but when you made this list, you never considered that you’d get addicted to hooking up with the very hot, very irritating, very bad-for-you hockey team captain that already makes your dad’s life a living hell. 

and it’s confusing, to say the least. she ignores and avoids you through the day, and then stays fixated watching you throughout an entire practice. she can go hours without texting you back but as soon as you post that you’re out with yunjin and chaewon, she’s climbing up the stupid tree in your yard to tap on your window and sneak in as if she hadn’t been radio silent the whole day. 

you know it’s just a hookup, and nothing more, but something about how she overdoes it with ignoring you makes it even weirder when you two are rushing to see each other, desperately making up for the time spent apart. you won’t complain: between school, practice, friends, and now daniela keeping you busy, you don’t even have a chance to think about getting into anything else.

“i know what you’re doing,” she warns you one night after sneaking into your room again. she pushes you off her lap when you’ve spent a little too much time with your lips on one spot on her neck.

“feeling possessive,” you hum, running your fingers through her curls, admiring your work against her soft skin.

“you’re fucking crazy,” dani groans, but you catch the way she grins looking at herself in her phone. “it’s getting late, i should go.”

some would even call it romantic the way she steals lara’s car to come park it up the street and sneak into your room on the nights you can’t spend with her at her place. you guys are quiet enough to make sure nobody else hears, and you’ll admit that the sneaking around part makes things so, so much more fun.

“just leave before my dad wakes up,” you tell her, pulling her down by the neck to plant another kiss against her jaw. 

“i’m only gonna spend the night in your room once you specifically ask me to,” she pushes you away and smirks at you playfully. “i’ll be around if you need me.”

“whatever.” you roll your eyes and turn to pull up your phone. “not gonna beg.”

“someone else will,” she says back, but not before jumping on the bed to plant a forceful, dizzying kiss on your lips. “bye, y/n.”

you want to rip your hair out, but it doesn’t make your heart thud any less watching her climb down and out of your bedroom window. you roll your eyes as she stops, looks up at you, and does another one of her stupid backflips right on your front lawn before disappearing into the night.

dani shows up to practice the next day wearing every single hickey you gave her on full display. she didn’t even try to cover them up. you guys lock eyes briefly and you can’t tell if she’s playing a mind game with you, or is just trying to play with fire and test your limits. you won’t give her the satisfaction though– part of you likes knowing the secret stays between you two.

“ah, heartbreaker dani strikes again. another sorority girl?” kazuha arches a brow, shoving playfully into daniela’s shoulder. lara shakes her head laughing and follows onto the ice. 

nevermind. you feel your blood boil. maybe next time you should leave your initials. 

your dad makes dani get off the ice and go put on a neck guard to stop distracting everyone. dani rolls her eyes but does so begrudgingly. your eyes meet as she hops off the ice and towards her bag. 

“are they really a distraction?” she asks you casually.

“extremely.” you say, trying to match her non-chalance. “tell your girl toy to stop trying so hard next time.”

“she’s got a mind of her own,” she shakes her head, eyes lighting up with something unholy. “but i’ll do my best.” 

-

the weeks pass and you guys don’t discuss the nature of your arrangement, but you both know it’s critical to keep it under wraps. your dad is thrilled that you’re spending so much time at lara’s, and lara and megan are too busy with their own things to notice dani either disappearing all night or letting you in. 

your phone buzzes in the middle of homework and you spot the number, saved simply as “captain.”

come over

say please

i don’t beg but i’ll make sure you do so, again, come over

you roll your eyes at how easily you’re convinced. 

“taking the car and going to lara’s,” you call out to your house, and your dad calls back in approval from the other room.

your stomach hasn’t quite stopped flipping when you pull into the trio’s driveway. daniela is already in the doorway, looking stupidly attractive in her oversized hoodie and baggy shorts, and you two nearly don’t make it to her room before she already has her hands on you, pulling you in.

you two fall back onto the bed and you’re straddling her much too quickly to call it casual. she pulls at your top and you try to regain some of your dignity by poking fun at her. 

“wasn’t i just here this morning? so eager to have me back so soon,” you tease.

“you can stop showing up whenever, you know,” she bites back, putting her hands over yours to guide them to her hoodie. you take the hint and pull her hoodie off over her head, biting your lip in eager anticipation.

“you’d miss me too much,” you clip back easily. she smirks and reaches up from beneath you to capture your lips with hers, her fingers hooking into your waistband to start sliding your pants down your thighs. you know the motions by now and start to lean up to let her get them off from your ankles.

that is, until you hear the door swing open.

“have you seen my bite guard? i left it in the–” megan starts, but immediately pivots into a half- scream, hands flying up to cover her eyes. “oh, bro, jesus christ–”

oh fuck. 

you and dani move equally fast to push off each other. you truly had convinced yourself that you two had mastered the whole sneaking around thing, so you’re not exactly prepared for whatever may come next. the dread sets in immediately. you can trust daniela, and you can trust yourself, but the last thing you need is someone else involved.

“you can’t tell my dad,” you blurt out immediately. 

“oh my fucking god, not coach,” megan panics. “he’s going to kill me if he finds out.”

“why would he kill you?” dani squints at the younger girl.

“bro, i’m letting this happen.” megan brings an open palm to her forehead, beginning to pace around daniela’s room. “i’m complexit, or whatever.”

“complicit,” dani corrects quickly

megan ignores the correction and keeps rambling. “no, this is so bad. i’m basically putting the strap in your hand.”

“okay, meg, please, too far,” you groan, and daniela lets out a loud hollering laugh.

“i’m going to die and i literally just barely beat the virgin allegations,” she gasps.

you shake your head and give a look to daniela. is she always this neurotic? 

“meg, please, go like, take some deep breaths over there. we’ll stop if it’s freaking you out that bad,” daniela tries to soothe her, pointing out the door.

“how long?” the ginger asks.

“oh my god bro, we’ve only fucked like, the past month.”

megan’s dark puppy eyes go wide, honing in on you. “a month is more than zero. i was hoping you would say zero.” 

“are you asking for an apology?” you try to ask, desperate to make sense of why exactly she’s panicking. 

daniela groans and finally gets out of the bed, tossing a hoodie over herself and handing you your pants back. she grabs megan by the back of her neck and waves over to you. “we’re gonna go.”

“where?” you question. it’s nearly 10pm and the tail end of a freezing october. 

“where else? the lake, duh. she needs to hit the ice to calm down. we’ll be back.” she groans and grabs a few sticks tucked away in the corner of her room, before she drags the ginger out the door and shuts it behind them.

you let your head fall backwards onto dani’s pillow and stare at the ceiling, the dread sinking in. 

-

you’re not quite sure when you dozed off, but you’re woken up to the sound of the door creaking back open. the familiar curls enter the room and dani comes to kneel in front of the bed, eye to eye with you. the gesture is sweet, almost tender, as if she’s trying to be close without waking you.

“i didn’t think you’d still be here.” she tells you quietly, before gently poking at your cheek. “awake?”

“i told my dad i was sleeping over at lara’s and he has my location. i can’t just leave my phone here,” you groan groggily at her. “meg okay?”

“she’ll be fine. she won’t say anything. believe it or not, we can keep secrets surprisingly well. ask lara what we pulled for her girlfriend last year.” she sits on the edge of the bed. “you stayed?”

“does me being here ruin your plans somehow?” you ask, confused about what she expected.

“i mean, no, i’m going to a party anyways.” she shrugs, her demeanor hardening. “might bring someone back. if you don’t want the couch, then you might want to room with lar.”

“you’re a fucking joke,” you blurt at her, sitting up to meet her eye-level. “always so irritating.”

“what happened to feeling possessive?” she arches a brow playfully.

“no, shut up dani. tell me something– why were you so much nicer to me before we started hooking up?” you question, narrowing your eyes at her. “you weren’t this big of a dick until the first time. i didn’t even think you were capable of being this big of a piece of shit.”

“i didn’t know you noticed how i treated you before,” she says simply, crossing her arms over her chest and giving you a curious look. “you cared about that?”

you take a second before ripping her a new one and read into her implication. it really does make sense in her head that if you only wanted her for sex, there was no need to keep up the dynamic from before. 

is this the root of all this confusion? is daniela just playing a role she thinks you assigned to her?

“tell me something about you,” you blurt out. 

she un-crosses her arms and arches a brow in confusion. “like?”

“anything. what’s your favorite color?”

“blue.” she pauses for a second. “yours?”

“blue,” you repeat, and she smiles at the coincidence. 

“do you miss cheer?” she asks quickly, as if to not let the silence take over.

“you remember that i did that?”

“yeah,” she says simply, before fishing in the pocket of her hoodie for a protein bar she had clearly just been eating. “do you want a bite? did you eat while i was gone?”

you feel rattled by her sudden change in demeanor. where did the fuckboy from 5 minutes ago disappear to?

“where is all this coming from?” you ask.

“if you wanted to be friends, you just had to say so.” she seems so casual about it, the flip, but you won’t question it further. this feels like the dani you met in the car, that first time alone. the sincere, unabashed one you got so inexplicably hooked on, and you want to make the most of it while she’s still showing you that girl still exists.

you take the protein bar as a peace offering and take a bite. “i do miss cheer, if that matters to you.”

“try out for our team,” she says quickly, like the solution is obvious.

“it’s not that easy. it’d be like you trying to play for a new team right now in the middle of your season.”

“so then cheer just for me,” she grins.

“i’d rather die than be an ice girl.” you roll your eyes. “i can’t even skate.”

“seriously? with your dad?”

you pinch the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes. “dani, please don’t talk about my dad while i’m debating getting naked for you again.”

“yeah?” the way she grins at your confession makes your heart thud. 

“but you said you had a party to get to, so…” you trail off, eyeing her. 

you almost let out a scream as daniela leaps and tackles you back into a laying position, biting playfully at your jaw. 

“you’re going to get me in so much trouble,” she sighs, pressing feverish kisses against your neck.

“good thing he won’t find out.” you lift her chin to face you and press a finger to her lips, admiring her pretty, pretty face. “don’t tell me you’ve never kept something a secret before?”

“i’m gonna have to,” she breathes, her arms snaking under your back, “‘cause i’m having a hard time keeping my hands to myself.”

“do something about it,” you grin, and dani doesn’t make you wait.

-

there’s no point in lying to yourself. you can fool the world, maybe, between the stolen glances and rushed kisses in the empty locker room or in the secrecy of your bedroom, but you can feel the way dani’s eyes never quite leave your head. you find yourself thinking about her at every turn, remembering new things as she keeps opening up to you about her past, her hopes for the future, her experiences as captain. you want to think that of course, if she’s the best hook up you’ve ever had, it’d be obvious why she’s on your mind, but you know it’d be a lie to pretend your feelings weren’t getting involved, despite your better judgement.

each time you watch her wink at you from the ice, or order your coffee perfectly as if she’s memorized it, or see her leave a stupid cute note on your clipboard, you can’t help but wonder if she’s this damn charming with all her other hookups too. 

you try not to overthink it and instead focus on the newfound freedoms your dad is slowly loosening up to allow you, with each passing week that you stay out of trouble (at least, trouble that he’s aware of.)

can i go to a party if i stay w lara and megan the entire time?

You’ve got some nerve asking If I call you need to pick up at any point

i’ll leave with her and text you each step of the way

you text to the group chat that you’re good to go and they all send a variety of cheering gifs or stupid memes about how fucked up they’re going to get you.

(at least, all of them except for dani, who never acknowledges your texts in the group chat.)

you appreciate that they’ve finally stopped treating you just as coach���s daughter, finally brave enough to stop babying you. you’re especially grateful when you get to the party and yunjin is feeding you shots much to chaewon’s disapproval, the defenseman screaming laughing as lara and kazuha try to race to take down their drinks before megan even manages to take a single, nervous sip from her cup. you’re grateful to have made so many stupid fun friends who are so so nice to you, but you can’t help but feel like the shenanigans would feel complete with the presence of one particular frat-boy-like captain who thrives in these environments. 

you try to not be obvious about looking around to seek her out, but you can feel the eyes on you from the other side of the room. like two magnets finding the opposite ends of each other, always pulling to touch.

unfortunately, when you do spot her, looking painfully attractive in an oversized university polo and a backwards hat, she’s standing way too close to a random girl for your liking. you guys had never discussed the parameters of what was and wasn’t allowed, and a part of you had always known she wasn’t likely the type you could lock down if you were just friends with benefits. 

fine. you don’t owe her anything. you turn back around and reach for chaewon’s hand, inviting your friend to dance with you as lara’s girlfriend hands you another drink. you’re over trying to push dani. if she wants anything from you. she knows exactly where to find you.

you’re almost able to push her out of your head until chaewon trades to be dance partners with kazuha, landing you with yunjin holding you by the waist. you think nothing of it– her super secure girlfriend is literally two feet away from you, doing the same with kazuha, and yunjin has always been nothing but platonic with you, doting on how much she loves chaewon.

“i’m sure these moves have your girl so, so happy,” you laugh, motioning to how she can manage to both lead you so smoothly and also trip up over her own feet at the same time.

yunjin grins back at you in response. “i always step on her feet, and she’ll still kiss me. i think she pretends it doesn’t even happen.”

“now that’s true love,” you coo, motioning over to the bobbed girl in question, who blows you both a kiss as kazuha dips her over and over.

“i like to think she’s into me,” yunjin smiles.

“y/n isn’t drunk enough to be able to keep up with your whack ass moves, huh.”

the hair on the back of your neck tingles. you’ve gotten too good at picking up daniela’s husky voice absolutely anywhere. 

“funny. if anyone knows about getting shit-face wasted, it’s you, cap.” yunjin raises her cup to the blonde, words teetering dangerously on the edge of disdain. she motions to you and shoos you two off irritatedly. “take it away.”

before you can protest, dani is pulling you into the hallway, secluded from the bustle of the party centered in the living room.

her hands are all over you, her teeth in your neck painfully fast with no warning, as if to assert herself. you shove her away. 

“what the fuck, dani?” you hiss, wincing at the sting of your skin.

“missed you,” she says simply, pressing you back up against the wall, and you’re in shock about hearing her blatant confession. you think back and realize it might be the first time she’s ever admitted something like that. 

“you’re sending me mixed signals,” you call her out, putting a hand on her chest to keep some space between you two. “you don’t want me to get mad at you but you go crazy when you see me complimenting someone else.”

“fine then,” she growls, though you knew she’d avoid taking accountability for the whiplash she’s putting you through. “so should we just fucking quit while we’re ahead?”

you see the way her eyes change, something pressing beneath that calloused exterior, you know dani, deep down, and you know what it means when she acts out. so you decide to take a chance. 

“i want to know more about you,” you breathe gently, looking around quickly to make sure there’s no prying eyes, before cupping a hand to her cheek. “and i want to keep seeing you. please stop trying to fuck with my head.”

her eyes soften, and your heart melts. your bet pays off– her guard is dropping.

“you won’t like what you find,” she warns, and the way her voice hardens makes you wonder what she’s possibly been through to think so low of herself. 

“let me decide that on my own,” you tell her, tilting your head. “why do you keep pushing me away?”

“i thought i was fine with it, but i kept thinking about it. and i don’t want to hook up with someone who’s just using me to get back at someone else.”

“me liking you had nothing to do with my dad. it’d be easier to like you if my dad wasn’t terrified of you,” you shake your head, realizing how fucked up the reality of the situation is.

you don’t realize what’s slipped out of your mouth until daniela’s eyes are lighting up, even in the dim lighting. her voice is so, so eager, you want to risk it all and kiss her right there and then.

“y/n, you like me?” she questions.

“duh,” you wrinkle your nose, embarrassed but unable to find a way to take it back. “are you blind? is it seriously news to you?”

“i thought yunjin was fucking with me.”

“god, yunjin could see it,” you want to shrivel up and die– you had never mentioned dani to her, but yunjin is dating chaewon, the super genius, and is clearly no idiot herself.  “but why would she lie to you?”

dani bites back a guilty smile. “i’ve been kind of shitty to her before.”

you remember the first time watching their rivalry at practice, the smoothness with which they play but the very obvious tension off the ice. you even remember how dani didn’t bother you until it was yunjin who started dancing with you. 

“why are you so fucking weird about yunjin?”

you expect an excuse, but dani simply grits her teeth and lets out a breath. “yunjin is like, what i could be if i wasn’t so fucked up. she’s confident and stupid but people really like her.”

“people really like you,” you press back.

“people put up with me,” she corrects, smiling painfully. “you and i both know i’m bad news.”

“that’s not true.”

“you know it is,” she insists “coach only tolerates me because i’m lara’s best friend, and because i got captain.”

“you’re a star player, that’s why you’re captain.” 

“megan is a star player,” she corrects you again. this is new territory for you– daniela’s always been so infuriatingly cocky, you almost don’t know what to make about the overload of sincerity she’s sharing with you. you regret every time you’ve talked shit about her ego, realizing it was probably the only thing protecting her from this terrible notion she has of herself.

“you almost won player of the year last season,” you remind her, the party now lost behind you both. “that’s nothing small.”

“your dad got so mad when i got nominated that year and not lara,” she laughs, but you can hear something painful in her voice. the pain of being constantly compared.

“you earned it for a reason,” you answer quickly, and you see something click in her.

“you’re the only person who’s never sized me up to lara,” she tells you. “or yunjin.”

“no comparison,” you answer quickly. “you’re so one-of-a-kind, dani. it’s mesmerizing.”

“i love lara, but even she puts me in this box, like i can’t be trusted. i know she means well but it’s hard sometimes. she’s so perfect, yunjin’s so likeable, and i’m too much,” dani breathes. 

“you’re not too much,” you disagree. “you’re so human. you’re like the most authentic person i know.”

“i feel like my feelings are too big for my body sometimes,” she admits, and you can’t believe she’s sharing all this at a frat party at like 1 in the morning. “like they control me instead of the other way around.”

“that makes you so special. you’re not hiding away like everyone else. you’re not scared to treat people like human beings.”

“nobody cares about that,” she snorts.

“i care about that. my dad always treats me like i’m some breakable doll.” nobody has ever made you feel safe or seen enough to confess the frustrations of being the youngest in your family comes with. “my brothers were always the ones allowed to get away with everything but i had to be under his thumb.”

“i wish we would have met any other way,” she says simply, and you feel the weight of her words resonating from inside of you. she leans in before adding a quiet whisper, “y/n, you like me?”

“i should have never said something,” you roll your eyes, but she reaches for your hand.

“you guys okay?” 

your eyes both snap up at the voice. you breathe out a sigh of relief as you realize it’s those big brown puppy eyes looking back at you. 

megan.

“i was going to steal lara’s keys so we could go–”

“kiss, a lot,” her girlfriend chimes in, cheeks flushed from clearly one too many drinks.

“no, she’s too tipsy for that, ignore her.” megan wrinkles her nose, holding the girl tightly by the waist to help hold her up. “i was going to let her sleep it off in the car but i’ll just get us an uber to take her home. take the keys, and go talk. that way, nobody interrupts.”

“i’m gonna teach her how to rock your shit once you’re all sobered up,” dani promises, pointing a finger at the both of them.

“dani, i am so serious, please shut the fuck up,” megan begs, and you can see her ears flushing red from beneath her beanie.

her girlfriend grins mischievously. “nooo, you should hear what she can do when–”

megan interrupts by simply turning them around and walking away with the girl in tow, throwing the keys at your feet as her eyes go wide. you hear her tone soften as she walks off in search of somewhere to let her clearly drunk girlfriend sober up. “okay, baby, not now, but especially not ever with dani…” 

-

you’re a little nervous that you’re being driven home without lara present, but you figure being home is better than staying out in your dad’s book. dani admits she hadn’t actually been drinking that night, which is a surprise to you, but you’re absolutely counting it as a win that she confessed all these thoughts sober.

you don’t remember who reaches out first, but her hand is holding yours as she drives down the familiar streets to your house, and you feel like you can picture it forever. 

“how did you get captain after lara turned it down?” you ask, after she had opened up about so many other issues in her life, answering each of your questions more honestly than the last.

“it was our old coach, she was training your dad before she transitioned to a new team.” you remember this. your dad had been assistant coach for years, and when the old head coach announced her retirement, your mom threw the biggest celebration to cheer him on for his promotion. “coach misty looked me in the eyes and told me that even if the athletics department wanted lara, i was always her first pick.”

“really?”

“she said i needed the responsibility so i wouldn’t do more stupid things.”

“that worked out,” you deadpan.

“i was worse, when i first joined the program. i’d skip practice, i had a shit attitude, i’d show up to games hungover. i threw up once offsides because i had been partying the night before too hard. at least now i stop before i get sick.”

“really?” you can’t imagine it. as destructive as dani is off the ice, her commitment to her sport is sacred. sure dani can be a goof during practice, but never during the drills themselves, or the games. you’d never once seen her show up with less than 110% when it comes down to it, laser-focused on whatever she’s doing.

“she saw the worst in me, and still believed i could be good,” dani shrugs. “good enough to announce me captain. i cleaned up my act a little once that happened. wanted to make her proud.”

“someone believed in you, once upon a time.” you tell her softly. “maybe you should remember that when you feel reckless.”

“fine.” she lets out a sigh and taps the steering wheel as if she’s thinking. you’re about to make a dumb comment about how good she looks in that hat, but she catches you off guard with her next statement: 

“i think we should stop hooking up with other people.”

“what?” you question, as if you heard her wrong.

“just make it easy.” she shrugs again, avoiding your gaze. “plus finals are coming up, we’ll be able to stay focused and blow off steam with less time in between.”

you’re too caught off guard to give a straight answer. instead, you want answers to your pressing questions. “when we first met, why did you get weird when i told you everyone was warning me about you?”

she hums for a moment, her thumb running across your knuckles. “i let myself start to like you, then i remembered who i am and what i do.”

“you’re not a bad person, dani,” you shake your head.

“you can’t even claim me,” she pushes back, pulling up in front of your house. 

“you’re not exactly showing me off either,” you point out.

“your dad would kill me,” she laughs, pointing to your house with all the lights off, “and i have one more year before i go pro.”

“fine.” you turn in the seat to face her, bringing your interlaced hands up to examine her knuckles. “we keep it secret for one more year, and once we graduate, if we’re still together, we say something.”

“so, we’re not gonna sneak around forever?” she asks, eyes lighting up.

“i’m private, but i want to make it very clear that i’m not ashamed of you.” 

“you’ll hate me in a year,” she pushes you teasingly. 

“i hated you for a little bit, but you grew on me.” you reach over to plant a soft kiss on her lips, feeling much too bold considering your dad is asleep just inside the house. “maybe you’ll hate me in a year.”

“guess you’ll just have to stick around a year and find out,” daniela smirks, before reaching across your seat to let you out of the car door once more.

you make it upstairs to your room, and she sends you a screenshot of her lockscreen.

look at what time i made it home. 

the time is irrelevant. all you see is that her background has been changed to a team photo, where you and her are sharing a glance. your heart thuds as you hunt down the same photo and change yours too. 

“this fucking stupid ass crush,” you mumble to yourself, before letting yourself fall asleep. you don’t have to have a name for it. whatever it is with dani, at least as of tonight, is perfect.

-

there’s two semifinal home games left until the championships, and you’ve never felt more anxious to be through a game in your life. between finals coming up, your dad extra on edge, and now trying to make time to see dani outside of just when the sun is gone, you feel like something is dangerously close to bursting, and yet you’re not sure which part of your life is bound to burst first.

the semi-final game, however, gives a hint that hockey is probably going to be a huge stressor for the next two weeks.

the game is absolute insanity. the girls are playing like maniacs, both intense and borderline sloppy as they barely manage to keep a lead up above the attacking team. your dad is beyond himself, screaming so hard he ends up snapping a clipboard over his knee out of frustration when the team lands another foul and gets away with it.

dani, however, is not one to let things slide, and makes sure the team knows she won’t tolerate a dirty play against megan under any circumstance.

daniela takes the other team’s center down, gripping her by the back of her jersey, and slams her into the ice. she drops on top of her, swinging two fast blows in succession against her helmet before the ref can swing over. yunjin jumps in quickly, dogpiling onto the other girl as her teammates come to her rescue. kazuha, freakishly strong, reaches down to yank a girl off dani’s back. 

the referee finally makes his way over and calls a 2 minute penalty for daniela. it’s the first time you’ve ever seen her in the box. she storms over and slams the half-door shut, watching anxiously as her team tries to play without her for the next 120 seconds.

“never seen you fight before,” you tell her through the glass, trying to distract her as her eyes stay laser focused on the ice.

“this team fractured my eye socket last year.” she tells you back sharply, and she seems genuinely pissed. “and now trying a high-stick on meg? they had it coming.”

they barely scrape by with the win, and you have to sit through your dad’s lecture about how playing sloppy is almost worse than losing.

you, the golden trio, and their girlfriends are all leaving the stadium towards the parking lot, ready to go to their place and go straight to sleep after such a heavy game. but there’s an unfamiliar voice calling out from the dimly lit lot.

“you had to try and play dirty to win?” the girls call out, and you recognize them as some of the players from the other team. you look around and realize it’s just the few of you in the parking lot, last to leave. you get a sinking feeling in your stomach.

dani, fearless as always, is the first to step in front of your team and snap back against the attempts at intimidating her team. 

“i was gonna apologize for beating your ass bare in front of thousands of people, but it sounds like you deserved it,” she bites back.

“you call a dirty dogpile beating my ass?” the girl scoffs. “try again alone and you won’t come out as easily.”

“not worth it,” lara rolls her eyes, unlocking the car door to load her stuff into.

“easy to say when you can only win on home turf,” the girl responds.

“home court advantage? are you serious? look at our fucking record. you talk a lot of shit for a team that just got their asses whipped,” dani bites back, chest puffing as lara reaches out to hold her back. you feel frozen at the exchange.

megan is stepping backwards with nervous eyes, tutor girl pulling her by the wrist to try and distract her.

“oh come on, come step up like a fucking grown up.” the other team’s player points at the ginger in question and how tutor girl is trying to redirect her. “or does your little loser girl do all the hard shit for you?”

you see something twitch in megan’s jaw, her eyes blowing dark. 

holy shit. 

within seconds, megan is launching forwards, both hands pressing into the other girl’s shoulders and sending her slamming into the ground with one harsh push. she stands over her as you all bolt to grab her.

“next one ends as you with no teeth,” megan says, voice cold and even. you have never once heard megan talk like that, much less think she was capable of it.

ugh. to be her girlfriend, having someone claim you that hard. 

“she gets it, baby,” tutor girl pulls her back.

you can tell this was the catalyst to something terrible.

“you wanna start something then not finish it?” the other girl snaps angrily, lifting herself up off the ground with the help of the two other girls.

“your girlfriend says that’s a pattern of your’s,” dani snips. 

oh, this idiot and her big mouth.

“try it again, blondie,” she challenges, gesturing for her to approach.

“walk away, daniela,” lara pushes her, but dani’s too fucking stubborn to back down. 

in seconds, dani’s shoving into the other girl, despite the height difference, pressing her face into the other girls’ fearlessly. you’re in awe of how she seems completely unphased.

“they might not fight, but i do,” she bites, “and i’m not known to fucking lose.”

the other girl shoves back and before you know it, they’re at blows, even scarier now without all the padding from the game. you’re seconds from running in to try and pull them off of each other when you see a flash of another girl coming up behind her. you realize her intentions look less than a friendly way to blow off steam.

megan’s scream is the loudest. “dani!” 

the girl lifts her foot to land a kick straight into the side of dani’s knee, and you see the sickening bend of a joint that shouldn’t go in that direction. 

daniela screams and drops to the ground face-first, and the other team’s girls freeze as they realize what just happened of their teammate taking it too far. they sprint in the opposite direction, disappearing into the night, and you feel your heart start to race as dani stays on the ground. you’re waiting for her to make some stupid joke, to pop up and do a backflip or something, but once you see her swollen cheek and bloodied lip dripping with silent tears as she grips her knee, you realize something is horribly wrong.

“dani?” you whisper.

“i think we need a doctor,” lara utters, starting the car.

“dani, can you get up?” megan asks worriedly, and daniela keeps ignoring everyone to clutch her leg.

“this is not good,” you whimper, feeling your body go numb.

you immediately direct megan to help dani to her feet, and lara is racing to pull her car around. megan and her girlfriend help dani limp into the car, and the blonde is ignoring all of you with wide eyes. 

“i think she’s in shock,” lara says worriedly, and you bring a hand to dani’s face. the gash above her eye from where she hit the ground is bleeding profusely, and she looks pale.

“hey, you’re okay,” you reassure her, trying to bring her back to earth.

“y/n, i felt two pops. both my ligaments.” she says it solemnly, eyes still wide, as if she’s processing it over and over. “that’s my knee. that’s my career.”

“you also hit your head which i’m sure didn’t help,” you push back, knowing dani always manages to get out of things with the craziest of luck. you press a kiss to her knuckles, forgetting the world around you. “you’ll be okay.”

“that’s it for me,” she says quickly, before her face pales again and her head slumps forward, the shock clearly wearing off.

the ER nurse takes one look at daniela, bloodied, bruised, and her limp body only held up by megan’s sheer strength at this point, and hurriedly gets her in a wheelchair and out of the lobby.

your group waits anxiously in the lobby, intentionally leaving out mentioning this your dad yet. you can already hear what he’s going to say to her, and you figure the last thing she needs is to hear his lecture right about now. hours pass by, megan and her girlfriend curled up in one chair, lara falling asleep on your shoulder, as you fidget with your phone waiting to hear literally anything back.

they allow one person back to go see her, and lara wakes up and volunteers immediately. part of you wishes you could go back with them, but you figure if only megan knows, you shouldn’t be spilling to just anyone especially when dani can’t stand up for herself.

lara comes back a few minutes later, shaking her head. the disappointment is written clearly on her features.

you realize now, why it had to be dani as captain. yes, lara is lovely and easy to like and responsible, but as soon as the pressure hits, you can read the distress all over her features. she’s shutting down, clearly bearing bad news.

dani would be frustrated, maybe, but her energy would stay up and she’d find some way to make even the biggest problems seem like no sweat. that’s what coach misty had seen in dani, all that time ago, to appoint her captain. an undying tenacity and a willpower of steel– the kind that inspires people.

“the forehead needed three stitches, which they did.” she lets out a sigh. “um, but they’re putting her in for a cat scan right now to see what’s going on with the knee and how bad it is.”

“they’re going to go straight into surgery to see what they can repair in her knee. the acl and the mcl both ripped from the impact. they said we should look into pressing charges.”

your heart drops.

“the good news is my girlfriend has seen plenty of acl rips that can heal fast enough to finish a season. we might not have her for championships but she’ll be with us next year.”

you look over at megan, who is teary eyed at the thought of all of this. “can we see her?”

lara nods. “she has a room, they’ll let us know when we can go in.”

lara decides to be the responsible one and steps outside to call her girlfriend first, and then face your dad. once a nurse comes down to say she’s accepting visitors (albeit, sleepily due to the pain meds,) megan is leaving you guys in the dust to race upstairs towards the room. 

dani’s peaceful snores from her bed bring you some source of comfort. megan curls up in the chair next to the bed and pulls out her phone, mumbling something about calling out from class the next day. 

lara’s girlfriend arrives and the other girlfriends wait outside the door, peeking in through the crack in case dani stirs.

“poor lar is still on the phone with coach y/ln. you can imagine how it’s going,” she wrinkles her nose. tutor girl grimaces.

“hate to be her right about now.”

“check it out. your puppy dog doesn’t want to leave her side,” you laugh. 

“you haven’t either,” tutor girl points out playfully. 

“someone sane has gotta keep an eye on our captain,” you shrug. 

“dani is like a big sister to her,” tutor girl says worriedly, watching from the window as megan lays her head on dani’s bed. “she loves her.”

lara’s girlfriend turns to you, and with zero judgement in her voice, asks simply: “what’s she to you?” 

“loaded question,” is all you say, and they both laugh in response. 

megan bursts out the door with an eager smile. “she’s awake!”

you let the other girls go in first and say their pieces. at this point, it’s nearly 2am after all the waiting, and the adrenaline doesn’t balance out how tired they all must be from the game and being up this late. you let them trickle out of the room as they finish up, last out being megan, before you nod to her and promise you’ll keep an eye on her best friend through the night.

they leave, and you step into the room, feeling a small breath escape you at the sight of her.

she’s sitting up in the bed, beaming that stupidly gorgeous smile at you, but the stitches on her forehead and the scrapes and bruises on her face make your heart ache. she looks so small in the hospital gown, your otherwise larger than life daniela, but all you can think about is how grateful you are that she’s in one piece.

“will i sound too familiar if i start screaming about your dumb fucking choices tonight?” you start, but your voice can’t hide the fact that you’re not actually angry at her, as stern as you’re trying to be.

“sorry i’m such a shit-head,” she apologizes simply, the smile never dropping. 

“how’d you know my dad’s nickname for you?” you tease.

“‘cause he calls me it like it’s my government name,” she winkles her nose back at you, looking around before reaching out a hand to you.

“i don’t think you’re all that bad, daniela avanzini.” you smile gently and take her hand in yours as you stand next to the bed.

“you haven’t known me long enough,” she snorts. “you’ll find something.”

“shockingly, i’ve liked what i’ve seen.” you press playfully into her chin. “i hope i get to know you long enough to prove you wrong, but you’re gonna have to stop doing stupid shit like this.”

“careful,” she clicks her tongue. “people might think you’re soft for me.”

“you got under my skin at some point.” you shrug, the smile on your lips only growing. “unfortunately, i think i like you there.”

she pauses for a moment, and you wonder if she’s going to say something stupid, but instead, she simply looks up at you with those sharp gorgeous dark eyes. 

“will you stay, please?”

“you know,” you tell her, relenting instantly and cuddling into the bed with her, “i had this sick fantasy of finally hearing you beg, but now that you’re begging, i feel like a horrible person because it doesn’t actually turn me on.”

“you’re so evil,” she laughs. “maybe we are meant to be.”

“slow down, playboy,” you tease, before letting out a quiet nervous breath. “what’d the doctor say?”

“good thing i’m still insanely hot,” she says, flexing her biceps beside you, “cause it sounds like i’m never playing hockey again.”

your heart drops. “what? but lara said–”

“recovery for all the ripped joints is well over a year. that’s this and next season.” she holds up two fingers. “there’s no chance i’m going pro missing my rest of my junior and then my senior season, and that’s if my knee even heals right.”

“dani…” you feel your heart ache at the implication.

“that’s what, almost 15 years? just down the drain.” she shakes her head, dropping back against the pillow with wide eyes. “everyone is asking me what the fuck i’m going to do next and all i can do is stare back like an idiot.”

“you don’t have to know that yet,” you tell her gently, resting your head on her shoulder. “i think you should give yourself a chance to rest.”

she scoffs and runs a hand through her hair, sarcasm dripping in her voice. “still want to sneak around with me? broken knee, no more games, useless ass captain with her career down the drain? at least i can smoke so much more weed while i rot on the couch.”

you blink once, twice, as you realize the warmth in your chest has overflowed in a way that never had anything to do with daniela’s status. you like her for her, and you’re hurt she couldn’t see that from the start.

you cup her face gently in your palm and turn it to face you.

“dani,” you say quietly, trying to take in every inch of her features, her poor cut up face. “i don’t think i want to sneak any more.”

your heart pounds at the way her eyes light up.

“even like this?” she questions.

“especially like this.” you nod. “just give me some time to find the right chance to talk to my dad. maybe you can tell lara. we can figure it out from there.”

you’re mentally prepared for an excuse, from the pushback of wanting to still be single. you’re prepared for her to flip that switch and slap you with some stupid fuckboy ecxcuse, as she does whenever feelings start to get too heavily involved, but you know that’s a risk you run wih her anyways.

instead, she just stares back at you with those beautiful eyes, her smile threatening to split her face in two. 

“okay,” she says simply, and it’s enough for you.

“you’re going to be okay,” you reassure her, carefully leaning into her chest to not disturb her bad leg. she wraps and arm around your shoulder and plays mindlessly with your hair. “you’re so one of a kind. things always work out for you.”

the night finally catches up to you, and you fall asleep in her arms. at this point, you don’t care who sees you. all that matters is dani needs you, and you want to be there for her, and there’s nothing your heart wants more than to make her feel cared for. 

-

the championship game finally arrives two weeks later, and your heart breaks as the teams make it a special point to roll out a carpet on the ice to celebrate dani, who limps out in her leg brace and blows kisses all around her at the roaring fans. 

the collegiate sports world was rocked by the news after your dad helped file the police report last week. the headlines hit immediately after: 

“hockey champion’s career cut short due to violent assault from opposing team.” 

you know it breaks her heart to have to watch the game from the bench, but dani’s calling out and making suggestions to your dad, screaming at the girls from the box to make sure they know she’s down but not out for the count. you can tell it does wonders for their morale, their leader still pushing as hard as she can from the constraints she has. 

they’re wobblier on the ice than usual– like a creature on four legs that just lost it’s front foot. megan is compensating for the new left wing, who doesn’t match up with kazuha quite as gracefully as dani did, but they’re making it work. the game stays at a tense 0-0 even down to the bottom of the final period, and that’s equally lara’s job as goalie as well as yunjin’s work as defenseman to keep the puck away from their net.

it’s the offence that is feeling dani’s absence the most. it had always been kazhua to dani, zuha making a hole as dani runs the puck up, and then both of them clearing a clear pass to megan to make the final score. megan is overcompensating, somehow in multiple places at once, and by some miracle, makes a buzzer-beating shot that brings them up to their second championship victory.

1-0, and no easy feat.

the girls all swarm megan on the ice, but you quickly realize megan is crying her poor little eyes out as she races out of the swam and instead runs straight to the player box, crushing daniela in a hug as she tosses her helmet to the side.

dani furrows her brows and gives megan back the tightest hug she can manage with all the padding still on her. the other girls come to quickly trickle in and follow suit, and you can hear megan’s loud sobs heard over the hums and sniffles of the other girls. the reality sets in. their  beloved captain is done for.

“we’re going to announce the next captain tomorrow after the championship recap press release,” your dad tells them, after a few pictures with the trophy and a debrief about the game. “get some rest, you all played your best tonight.”

he points to yunjin and daniela and motions for them to follow into his office. you figure you’ll give them some space and wait outside with lara and her girlfriend, but once you see yunjin step out and hurry away, you hear the volume increase. lara and the physical trainer both exchange concerned glances and walk away to offer them more privacy. you try to focus on other things, but you hear a thud of something hitting the desk, and walk into the office.

you catch the tail end of their argument. daniela’s jaw is hard and her face is red, almost as red as your dad’s, and you can tell the two have probably been screaming at each other a fair amount of time before you got there. 

“captain goes to yunjin.” he presses firmly, slamming his fist down again into the table. “you thank the program for their time, you make the announcement that it’s huh, and you train her until the season starts. you can still see your scholarship out as long as you’re training with us since the injury wasn’t your fault.”

“i don’t give a fuck about my scholarship. yunjin is the wrong call for captain,” daniela bites back fearlessly. 

“if you wouldn’t have gone looking for trouble, we wouldn’t have to be making this call.” he growls, shooing the both of you out of his door.  “you don’t get to call shots any more, avanzini, you are done for. do what i say. announce huh at the press conference and stop causing issues.”

daniela storms out of the office, and you follow behind her, your dad slamming the door shut behind the two of you.

“if i wasn’t stuck in this fucking brace, i’d beat his ass too,” she rants, waving lara over. “let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“enough with fighting people,” you growl, following them to the car.

you spend the night, and daniela doesn’t want to say a single word more about it, instead simply laying in the bed and letting you play with her hair until she falls asleep. you want to leave it there, but something inside you is pressing to dig a little deeper, so you slip out of the bed as gently as you can without waking her, and ask lara if you can borrow the car to make a quick trip. your dad is clearly too stressed out about the conference tomorrow to be checking where you are, so you figure maybe you can dig a little deeper into this as you give chaewon a quick phone call. 

you make it to chaewon’s apartment complex and just as you had the hunch, yunjin is pulling up at the exact same time, looking like a zombie as she tries punching in the access code to the front door. you park and race up behind her before she can leave you behind.

“hi yunjin,” you greet, making your presence known.

“y/n.” she forces a smile, spinning on her heel. caught. “good to see you.”

“i thought we were cool, but you don’t seem that thrilled to see me,” you wrinkle your nose. “did chae tell you i was asking about you?”

“unfortunately, yes,” she wrinkles her nose back at you. yunjin straddles the line between being confident and cocky, just barely able to rein it in that you’re never quite that annoyed with her. 

“sorry for you, but i need answers,” you press.

“all for a girl who won’t claim you?” she arches a brow.

you bite back a grimace, not wanting to admit how deep that cuts. “this isn’t about dani.”

“when it comes to this team, everything is about dani.” she shakes her head.

“when it comes to dani, everything is about the team,” you insist, and you see yunjin’s eyebrow twitch slightly.

“i hate admitting when daniela is right, but i also disagree with the call to make me captain.”

“so don’t accept,” you state simply.

“i have to,” yunjin sighs. “it’s not that easy.”

“why don’t you think it should go to you?”

“i love hockey, but i don’t live and breathe it. coach y/ln just wants an incoming senior who can say the right polite things, keep the sponsors happy, and then graduate and be out of there. i’m the closest she could get to lara raj. dani, as much trouble as she caused, also got us the right kind of attention. it was supposed to be her keeping captain until she graduated. someone like that isn’t going to pop up again. lightning doesn’t strike twice.”

you marinade on her words. that might explain why dani is so irritated about the call– yunjin seems ready to be a puppet for the next year, and daniela would rather die than let captain go to someone who doesn’t see the sport as their whole life.

“i’ve never seen her like that before, so reasonable. she’s crazy about you,” yunjin adds as an afterthought. “she met her match in you.”

“crazy knows crazy,” you laugh.

“i think you believing in her changed her.” yunjin corrects you, offering a small smile as a peace offering. “she’s a pain in the ass, but she’s our favorite pain in the ass, so thank you for taking care of her.”

suddenly the door swings open, revealing a sleepy-eyed chaewon.

“oh hi, y/n,” she blinks, looking between the both of you. “i wasn’t expecting you to actually come over.”

“not crashing, just needed to find yunjin. thanks, chae. see you tomorrow.” you nod to them both and head off. you don’t have a plan, but you at least have a better idea of what’s going through daniela’s head, and maybe that can be enough for now. you drive back to her place and squeeze right back into bed with her, wondering what this new chapter could possibly have in store for you.

-

the press conference finally comes the next day, and you’ve never seen so many bodies packed in the conference room before. photographers, reporters, even what looks like scouts and coaches invited from other teams. yunjin is seated next to you in the front row by the coaches, and megan and lara are right outside the door watching on the screen outside the room with the rest of the team. 

dani limps her way onto the stage, unreadable expression on her face. they offer her a roaring round of applause, their university’s mini-celebrity, before quieting down as she takes to the microphone to start the speech.

“hockey has given me the most beautiful past 15 years of my life. i’d like to thank the program, for giving me a home to call my own, and the coaches, for pushing me to be my best. i’d like to thank the girls, most of all, for trusting my decisions, following me into the dark, and picking me up every single time i’ve fallen in pursuit of perfection.”

“as we celebrate this win,” she continues, “i know my time as captain has come to a beautiful end. i will mourn the season i never got to share, but i know the next captain is going to set the most incredible example for the team moving froward. being captain changed me. it gave me something to be responsible for, and a reason to believe in myself, even on the hardest days, when nothing felt redeemable. this is not a decision the program has taken lightly, as the job of team captain is only for those strong enough to lead by example, and believe in themselves to do it with a clear focus on the team.” 

she presses her lips into a fine line, clearly trying to fake a smile. your heart aches as you know she’s being forced to do this against her better hopes.

“i am proud to announce my successor,” she starts, her face cold. 

theres a pause, and you see her eyes change. she looks up at you and that glint of mischief shines as your eyes meet. you whisper a scolding to yourself but the grin on her face tells you that her mind is made up. she leans into the microphone and takes measures into her own hands.

“the women’s hockey team is in no better hands next year than incoming junior megan skiendiel. thank you,” she nods and stands up, and the conference room bursts into a roar of flashing cameras, overlapping questions, and a few whistled cheers.

you know your dad is going to fucking kill her but she walks off the stage with no fear and heads backstage. 

tutor girl texts you immediately. 

holy shit

daniela’s too smart. the university is in too tight of a position to retract her statement. dani is adored by thousands, and the sob story of her early retirement locks in her legacy as a hero– if your dad retracts her statement, he’s as good as dead.

you all rush to find her backstage as your dad scrambles to the mic, announcing “no further questions.”

megan is the first to spot her, and you can already see the color drained from her face in shock as her lip quivers. “dani–”

“listen, megs.” daniela grabs the taller girl by the shoulders, pulling her in to look her deep in the eyes. “you are our top scorer. you are first to practice every time and always the last to leave. you live, breathe, and die by this sport. everything i know, i’ve taught you, and you’ve surpassed me. you are a better, younger version of myself and you are the heart of this team.” 

you didn’t know where dani’s head was at with yunjin, but you can see it now. experience and composure vs talent and dedication. yunjin is perfect on paper, but megan is obsessed with the sport down to her very core. and when daniela needed a reminder she was more than just a stupid little problem child, she recognizes that megan needs the same push to see she’s not just some nervous idiot little kid. 

“i can’t do what you do,” megan hiccups, and you can see how hard she’s biting down on her lip to stop herself from bursting into tears. “i can’t do any of this without you.”

“you won’t have to.” dani pulls her into a crushing hug, and you feel your heart warm. “i’ve got your back, and you’ve got all of ours. believe in yourself, or at least remember that at least one person believes in you, and the rest will come naturally.”

your dad’s voice booms over all of you, interrupting the otherwise tender moment. 

“avanzini, my fucking office, now.”

he’s stanced menacingly in front of the group, finger pointed in the direction of the coach’s offices. you all fall silent, clearly terrified of what comes next from him.

well, all except for daniela, who steps right up to him and points a finger just an inch from his face. 

“yeah, keep swearing at me ‘cause i got more to say to you, you bald-headed bitch,” she pushes back fearlessly. 

“oh, don’t start, avanzini,” he groans, backing down and walking towards the office. 

you want to die of laughter as you watch her limp after him. daniela and her incessant need to run her mouth.

you give megan a quick squeeze of reassurance and leave her in the arms of the girls. whatever is about to go down between daniela and your dad should probably involve a witness, so you chase them down and follow into his office. they don’t even notice you entering, right back into a screaming match they’re all too good at. 

“do you know the shit you just got us into? i have a whole department losing their minds over their top spokesperson having to transition off and now you’re going off script picking your own fucking captain! do you know the position that puts us in?” he’s seething so hard, you see the spit flying from his lips as he can barely contain himself. “do you ever fucking think about anything besides yourself?”

“yes, actually.” daniela’s face is hard, she’s standing tall, taking the verbal beating but snapping back just as forcefully to make sure he knows it won’t be an easy fight. “i think about a lot of other people, actually.”

“forgive me for finding that hard to believe, between the partying, the disrespect, and the self-centered attitude.” he holds up a finger for each vice he lists. “you carry yourself like some cocky frat boy and i’ve enabled you for way too fucking long. sometimes i wonder what the fuck goes on up there in that brain of yours besides thinking about yourself.”

you see daniela’s fists clench, and she lets out a sharp breath. 

“you wonder what i think about?” she snaps, before taking a step back and laughing bitterly. “this is a great time to tell you that i’m in love with your daughter.”

you freeze. oh christ.

“don’t joke like that, avanzini.” he waves her off, immediately attempting to call her bluff.  “you’ve already put my blood pressure high enough. don’t pick the low fucking blows.”

“coach,” dani says simply, and her eyes flicker to you. 

you look back at her, and realize your dad is staring between the two of you. his face falls instantly as he sees the look you share.

“y/n, if she’s roped you into some prank, it’s not fucking funny, and this is not the time. this is serious, kiddo, you can’t let her use you to make a joke at my expense–”

your eyes meet dani’s once more, and you realize you have a choice. be stuck under his thumb forever, or choose to be impulsive and brave. 

and something about those eyes makes you feel like maybe, it wouldn’t kill you to be your own person. 

“i know daniela is a pain in your ass, but she’s also passionate, and brave, and she loves hard.” you start, and your dad groans in exasperation as he buries his face in his hands.

“not you, y/n, i literally told them the only rule was not you,” he sighs, before pointing back at daniela. “i should have known i couldn’t fucking trust you.”

“you don’t see the good side of her because you’re too busy wishing she was lara, or yunjin.”

you see dani and your dad tense simultaneously. 

“i’d be pretty annoying too if i couldn’t exist by myself,” you continue. “you’re always comparing her and she never gets a chance to just be celebrated for everything she does right.”

“no. not being trusted is a consequence of your own decisions,” he tells her.

“you don’t know everything about me,” daniela growls. 

“no, avanzini, i do know you,” he snaps back quickly, an accusing finger in her face. “i know you’re arrogant and hot-headed. i know you act first and think later, and that’s if you even think at all.”

“and all of those things make her someone you can depend on to give 110%,” you jump in to her defense. “do you know how many times she’s shown up to cheer someone up after a hard game? how she teaches others how to show up first to every practice? how she’s there the moment anyone needs someone? every time the girls start to beat themselves up because you’ve been a dick, she’s the first one helping them feel better about themselves.”

“it’s not just about being composed,” you go on, “it’s about being connected, and daniela cares about everyone equally. doesn’t pick favorites, unlike you.”

“y/n, are you trying to kill me?” he runs a hand over his bald head, his skin redder than you’ve ever seen it before. he glares once more over at daniela. “and you, shit-head, you are to stay away from my daughter or i kick you from the team.”

“i’m not approved to play anyways,” dani snaps back immediately. “you can’t stop me from shit.”

“kicking her isn’t your call,” you push back.

“she’s going to ruin your future,” he warns, but it feels like the weak final attempt of someone losing to try and get the upper hand.

“you not listening to anyone else is going to ruin yours. watch how your team falls apart without dani to guide them,” you snap back, grabbing daniela’s hand to yank her out of the office with you. “she’s not some fucking monster.”

you pause for a second in the doorway, before adding a final thought.

“and for the record, dad, dani did everything possible to ignore me. i sought her out, over and over, because she was the only person who treated me like a human being and not like your little puppet.”

your hands are shaking as you two simply keep walking, making your way out of the building. you’ve never once pushed back against him like that.

“holy shit,” daniela says simply, slumping up against the giant oak tree by the athletics building. 

it’s not enough for you, you’re all adrenaline, and if there was ever a time to claim and be claimed, it’s now.

“you could say it to my dad, right in his fucking face, and yet you can’t look me in the eyes and say it to me?” you tell her hurriedly, grabbing her hands and holding them in your own shaky ones. “you can look him in the eyes, tell him off, tell him you’re in love with me, and still not be able to look me in the eyes to say it here?”

“i didn’t think the chance would ever hit me again,” she admits. “i did it, but i was fucking scared.”

“big bad avanzini, scared?” you laugh, throwing your head back. “never thought i’d see the day.”

“i want to be a different person for you,” she tells you, her tone dropping into a more serious one, as she brushes a few strands of hair from your face. “a good one.”

“you are a good person,” you press, taking her face into your hand. “i wanted you then, before you knew you were good, and i want you now.”

“it’ll kill me if i hurt you,” she clenches her jaw.

“dani, we’ve already hurt each other and we weren’t even together.” you shake your head at all the time you two had wasted being stupid and playing games. “and you forgive me, and i still forgive you, and i still know you’re good at your core.”

“i want you bad, y/n,” she breathes shakily. “but things i’ve loved in my life never really end up working out.”

“because you sabotage them, thinking you’re not worth it.” you hold her perfect face in both of your hands, forcing her to look at you. “you are perfect for me.”

“it’s risky,” she warns you, but you can see her guard falling one last time. “being in love can be really fucking painful. it’s a huge risk.”

“luckily for me, i fell in love with the most reckless, relentless daredevil i’ve ever met,” you grin, and she matches your smile with her own. “i trust you, daniela avanzini. with my whole heart, actually.”

she pulls you into a searing kiss, and you realize it’s the first time you’ve ever kissed in the fresh air, not hidden in someone’s room or in a dark hallway. you relish it, her soft, warm lips against yours in the brisk winter time air, the way she pulls you in to press your bodies flush together. your heard thuds at the realization. 

it’ll be the first of many.  

-

megan taps the microphone nervously, pulling at her tie to loosen it. 

“uh, hi.”

tutor girl is recording next to you, looking like a proud soccer mom. she told you just moments before how hard megan had worked on this speech. the summertime pre-season press conference is no joke, usually it’s how the program will set the tone for the upcoming season, and the team is eagerly waiting in the front row of the conference seating to cheer on the ginger on stage.

“i take the torch of leadership from a mentor who is extremely dear to me.” she starts slowly, and you notice that she has no notes in front of her, having memorized the speech itself.  “i’m excited to work to bring out the best in this team, the way our former captain brought out the best in me, and in every one of us. i will aim high not to achieve, but to improve. all i will seek is that we improve upon ourselves, and the rest we’ll take as it comes for the love of this beautiful sport. thank you for believing in me, and i hope this season gives everyone something to be proud of. my name is megan skiendiel, and i am extremely honored to be named the women’s hockey team captain.”

she nods, bowing slightly, and stands up once the photos have all been taken.

dani watches on the other side of you, arms crossed. her lips are pressed into a grin. 

“you did this,” you tell her, motioning to the packed conference and the roars of cheering fans from outside the conference room. “your stubborn self made this all happen.”

“someone once described me as relentless,” she smiles, poking you in the hip.

“no, i said you’re annoying,” you correct, as the two of you make your way back towards the coach’s area.

“i’ll be honest, i probably wasn’t listening either way.” she teases, and you roll your eyes. “you start yapping and i get lost in those eyes.”

“okay, alright loverboy,” you push her face away, but she presses back twice as strong to plant a kiss on your cheek. you squeeze her cheek in response. “ugh, you’re so fucking cute it makes me aggressive.”

“you’re always aggressive,” she laughs. 

“don’t let anyone look at you during the faculty meeting,” you warn. “if someone smiles at you, you say–”

“‘i have a girlfriend, i love her with my whole heart, and she’ll kill you,’” dani nods, remembering the lines you two playfully ran the night before.

“you’re so good.” you hum happily.

“if anyone looks my way, i’ll call you and then punch them in the head,” she reassures you, laughing.

“no violence.” you warn her. “you’re not a frat boy any more.”

“i love you,” she says simply, but the firmness in her tone and the way she reaches for your hand speaks volumes. 

you grab her by the chin and stare deep into those beautiful dark eyes. her tooth gem sparkles as she smiles widely back at you. 

“be good, and have fun. i’ll wait for you at home.”

“naked, hopefully,” dani quips back quickly.

“we can’t keep traumatizing poor megan,” you laugh, shaking your head.

“you are the best thing that ever happened to me,” she tells you earnestly, eyes looking over you as if seeking something.

“if someone discovers how to quit you, i hope they let me know,” you wrap your arms around her neck and plant one last kiss on her forehead.

“hope that never fucking happens.” she says easily. “you’re stuck with my ass.”

“ugh.” you push her away with one last kiss to her cheek. “go be charming and stupid somewhere else before i drag you into a bathroom.”

she looks so fucking cute in the university polo. a popped collar and a red cup in her hands and she’d look much too comfortable throwing back to her frat boy days. she runs off and joins the familiar figure of your dad as the hockey program faculty head into a meeting room.

your dad shoves her, and she grins twice as big up at him as she jumps up to slap the back of his big, bald head and then sprints off. he grumbles something and you watch as the two disappear into the room with the rest of the staff. you couldn’t be more proud of the way dani has found a way to keep chasing her dreams.

daniela avanzini. incoming senior, and new assistant coach in training.

and, her title for you and you alone, daniela avanzini. the most passionate, caring, insanely brave girlfriend anyone could have ever imagined.

[dduane]

A homebrew Iliad project

I've been fiddling with this for a long time.

Backstory: I've been dabbling in various depths of the great wine-dark sea of the ancient Greek classics since I was about seven or eight. (Might have been earlier, but I have no data to confirm that.)

I know Greek mythology like the back of my hand. (...Insert here the inevitable sound of Scotty whacking his head into an Enterprise bulkhead.) I know... a lot. And—leaving all the other stuff I know about that no one here is gonna care about one way or the other—I've read the Iliad and Odyssey probably about twice a year for the last fifty years or so. Or maybe more.

To my grief, I don't have enough classical Greek (or good enough Greek of any kind) to do any kind of respectable new translation of the work. That's far beyond my scope, or my level of scholarship. But I can sure as hell do... a retelling? A restatement? I have a number of favorite translations to use as guides, and the Perseus digital library... and, you know, dictionaries. And I'm not afraid to use them. :)

...And I'm a storyteller, and have no shame about the possibilities inherent in going where lots of others of my tribe have gone before—in restatement or in fiction. So let's just call this "a homebrew version of a work that hasn't been out of 'print' for thirty-five hundred years" and leave it there. (Is this ὕβρις? Yeah, seems likely enough. Whether this is going to be a manifestation of the downfall of the Greeks, or of the Geeks, remains to be seen.)

Anyway: my plan is to start publishing books (i.e., chapters) of this homebrew Iliad in the Fic Foundry writing website that will be opening up at last sometime over the next couple of months. The first few books will be open-access: after that they'll go subscription. They'll come out at irregular intervals (because there'll be paying work going on as well. [resigned sigh: So what else is new.])

When starting a project like this it seems like it might be wise to, in a general way, set out the goals.

Ease of accessibility. Lots of people have never read this story, or have experienced it only in one kind or another of paraphrase. (Yeah, well, here comes another one.) For maximum accessibility, I think this means what I want to do is a prose retelling. Nor am I going to get too hung up on anachronisms in the prose style. I'm reaching for the around-the-campfire sound, a little; or the story told after dinner, in episodes (and let's not throw the beef bones at the bard, she's doing the best she can).

Fidelity to the source material. This is an old, old story that both ascends to surprising heights of feeling and amazing depths of cruelty. There are things in it that some modern readers are not going to like at all: particularly the graphic gore and violence of what is repeatedly described as "the world's greatest war story". But these aspects of the Iliad, and the frequently callous, cruel and misogynistic understructure of its story, come with the territory of the original. I will in appropriate ficcer's style add trigger warnings where I think they're needed.

Completeness of the story. The temptation is always going to lurk for an adapter to decide what's important and what can be thrown out. I'm hardly immune. But it's my intention to leave the structure as intact as possible. Some people will disagree with my choices. (shrug) People have been disagreeing about ways to handle this work for centuries. What'll a few more be, among friends?

...So that's the plan. When this material starts to be ready to appear online, I'll let people here know where they need to go to access it. And after that... we'll see how things go.

I'll start this story as its first tellers did, and ask the Goddesses of epic storytelling to stand by me and lend a hand telling this one. At the end of the day, it all comes down to one angry young man: Achilles, only son of King Peleus. Achilles was completely possessed by a bitter rage that brought a whole host of troubles down on the great army of the Greeks. That unquenchable fury sent many a strong man’s soul to the Underworld, and left their bodies feeding the dogs and the vultures, while Heaven’s intentions moved inexorably on toward the Gods’ final goal...

[chaaistained]

Im so used to waking up in my CR, that it's gotten to the point that I *expect* to wake up here. I don't expect any shift to happen anymore. I affirm and try to assume that I'm going to shift, but at the end of the day, I'm not expecting any progress or anything new to happen. I know we shift all the time, but these realities all look the same and nothing like my intended reality. Any advice on how to break this expectation?

this is one of those moments when you’ve left your cr take centre stage in your mind. and i’d honestly recommend just taking a few minutes to consider what’s happening in your cr.

bcs my guess is that, aside from expecting to wake up here, you have other obligations that are causing your subconscious to want to wake up here. (which is fine!! you’re only human!)

this happens to me around exam block or whenever i’m job hunting — i get anxious, and stressed, and my micromanaging tendencies take over, my brain prioritises control over pure relaxation and i wake up here

i’m sure there are many ways to overcome that, and these are just the tricks i personally use but i truly hope they help you !!

my first piece of advice is really consider what is happening in your life and if there is anything that you really want to give your attention to

you’re not admitting failure by focusing on your cr life for a bit, that’s not some sort of sin in shifting. as fucked up as this reality is, it’s still just a reality, like any dr you wish to shift to. it’s still a life that you’ve lived.

personally, i think it’s better to take a few days, maybe a week, to take care of wtv is going on in this life, so that you can feel satisfied and less burdened and more able to let go in order to shift. i reckon that’s more practical than constantly ignoring your cr when you find it hard to ignore in the first place. and then always waking up here.

my second piece of advice is to focus upon the act of waking up there. your subconscious has become used to the idea of waking up here, so feed it new information.

don’t just affirm and persist (tho those are still good techniques, esp if it’s what you like to do) i’m just saying to add to them in a way that tackles this specific issue

i’d recommend smth like scripting out your morning routine — what are the steps you’re gonna do when you wake up in your dr? what side of bed do you wake up on? what colour are the sheets? the scent of your room? do you take coffee or tea? do you like sitting outside and admiring the world while you eat your breakfast or are you busy with smth else? maybe you’ve got some hobbies you like to do in the morning: journaling, reading, catching up on your favourite shows?

really map out the scene in your mind (you don’t need to visualise it!!) it’s simply just that instead of only affirming that you’ll wake up in your dr, also affirm exactly what you’ll do when you wake up there

i hope i helped in some way darling !! i wish you all the best xx

[reunionatdawn]

Why I think you should be able to romance Yosuke in the P4 Remake

Canonically speaking, Yosuke is pretty much Junpei 2.0. The straight bro best friend to the MC who is obsessed with getting a girlfriend. However, there was a romance route for him that was cut from the game, probably late into development. This would have no doubt recontextualized his entire character arc.

"Comphet," short for compulsory heterosexuality, is a term used to describe the societal assumption that everyone is naturally heterosexual. This concept suggests that people may feel pressured to form heterosexual relationships due to cultural norms and societal pressures, rather than genuine attraction. My opinion is that Yosuke's original character arc was supposed to be an exploration of this idea, due to how much support there was for it in the narrative. And here’s why I think they should add this idea back in for the remake, which looks to be on the horizon.

In P4, everyone's shadow was connected to their sexuality or gender role. Chie was a tomboy who was jealous of Yukiko's femininity. Yukiko was a "Yamato Nadeshiko" who was sick of being fetishized as the ideal girl, which in Japanese culture, is often overly meek. Kanji was bullied because of his feminine hobbies and adopted a hypermasculine thuggish persona. Rise felt disillusioned with her oversexualized idol persona and the performative aspects of show business. And Naoto dealt with internalized misogyny which manifested in her adopting a male persona.

Yosuke: And what's this about checking out this world for Saki-senpai's sake? Hah! I know the real reason you came snooping... You just came because you thought it sounded like a good time! What else is there to do in this shithole? A world inside the TV—now that's exciting! You didn't have a single other reason for coming here, did you!?

Yosuke was the odd one out, as his shadow mainly involved his repressed resentment at living out in the countryside and being very lonely. His shadow also had the least humiliating baggage to expose. He had feelings for Saki. But his shadow self's "dark secret" was that he was more excited about exploring the TV world than genuinely investigating her death. Shadow Yosuke accuses Yosuke of not being as sweet on Saki as he appeared to be. However, this idea didn't really go anywhere.

When the Magician card is reversed in a Tarot reading, it can suggest manipulation. In a relationship context, it means that someone may be presenting a false image or facade in order to manipulate the perceptions of others. And that idea certainly fit Yosuke. He pretended to be carefree. But what if he was also pretending to be heterosexual? What if the "horny straight bro" was just a mask? Is there any evidence of this? Actually, I think there was.

Shadow Yukiko: Tonight, Princess Yukiko has a big surprise—I'm gonna go score myself a hot stud! Welcome to "Not a Dream, Not a Hoax"—Princess Yukiko's hunt for her Prince Charming! And I came prepared: I've got my lacy unmentionables on, stacked from top to bottom! I'm out to catch a whole harem, and the best of the lot is gonna be all mine!

The Shadows in P4 are partly comprised of the suppressed thoughts and emotions of the actual person. There was a part of Yukiko's subconscious that felt like she needed a "Prince Charming" to save her. But the shadows who showed up on the Midnight Channel were also formed from the desires of what the general public wanted to see. Yukiko herself didn't really want to score with a harem of hot studs. It was the male students at Yasogami High who truly wanted to see that happen.

Yosuke was very nonchalant about failing the "Amagi Challenge". He took it in stride, almost as a badge of honor. And I found it very interesting how he showed absolutely NO reaction whatsoever to what Shadow Yukiko said. Nothing. If it were any other boy at school, I'm sure he would have had something to say about the most popular girl talking about how badly she wanted to lose her virginity to a bunch of hot studs. But Yosuke acted like he couldn't have cared less. He just said that the stuff she was saying sounded weird and that was it.

Yosuke: I haven't changed addresses since before we moved to Inaba. I mean, I might get a text from someone…It's hard to call, y'know? If I called people just to tell them my number changed, they'd get annoyed. And some of them never planned to text me anyway… Oh but hey, don't look at me like I don't have any friends!

According to Saki, "Hana-chan" didn't hang out with the other guys much. But in Rank 3 of his Social Link, it seemed like he desperately wanted to have closer relationships with male friends. And that may have been the true reason he happily took on the Amagi Challenge when he was a new transfer student. He probably just wanted to fit in with the other boys.

Yosuke: Haha…I never thought I'd be talking about serious stuff like this. Before I moved here, it was all small talk…Stupid, trivial things. I thought that was fine. It's only with you guys that I talk seriously like this. I dunno why, but I feel like I don't have to lie… Especially with you. You've already seen the worst of me and all. But well…thinking about it now, if someone had to see that, I'm glad it was you. It's a bit late now, but… Thanks for going in with me that time. Yosuke is smiling sheepishly…

By Rank 4, Yosuke acts very different around Yu than he does around the rest of the Investigation Team. He never acts this serious or sincere around anyone else. The other members of the group also open up emotionally to Yu. But Yosuke especially acts like a totally different character. He takes off his mask around Yu and only Yu. He's probably the first friend—especially a male friend—that he ever had where he could just be himself instead of adopting a false persona to fit in.

Yosuke: I can't get my mind off certain things whenever I have a spare moment… (option 1) Yu: Certain things? Yosuke: Uh, you know…stuff. I mean, well… Argh! Let's not get into it! Why do I get the feeling this is going to turn into a depressing conversation!?

During an evening conversation that occurs around Golden Week, Yosuke hints at some unresolved baggage related to his Shadow.

(option 2) Yu: Like Saki-senpai? Yosuke: Oh, come on... Of all the things you could bring up, you pick that one? I mean, that's part of it, but... I dunno, how do I put it? Argh! Let's not get into it! I don't wanna have this conversation!

Saki was part of it, but not the only thing. And he was blushing, too. The implication was probably that he was developing feelings for someone other than her and he might have been feeling a bit guilty for that. Or at least, that was my own personal interpretation.

Yosuke: Y'know, Chie and Yukiko seem different lately. They're a lot closer. Oh yeah, I was just curious, but are you...Ehh, never mind. If we keep chatting, we're gonna be late.

But there is evidence for that interpretation. After Golden Week is over and the group is headed back to school, Yosuke attempts to ask Yu if he is interested in Chie or Yukiko. The fact that he was so hesitant about asking made it stand out a bit to me. He probably had feelings for someone within their friend group.

Yosuke: Oh, I almost forgot. It's kinda off-subject, but as long as you're on the line, mind if I ask something? It's something I've been meaning to ask for a while. So…what do you think about Yukiko and Chie? I mean, let's not mince words: Which one's your type?

Before the stakeout for Kanji, he finally asks Yu which girl is his type.

Yosuke: Huh? Seriously? So that's the kinda girl you go for, huh...? She is a great girl, though. Plenty of fun to be around, too.

If Yu answers that he's interested in Chie, Yosuke acts a bit surprised. Not in an insulting way. He just assumed it would be Yukiko because all the guys in school were crazy about her.

Yosuke: Ohhh, I had a feeling you'd say that. She's actually pretty interesting. I never knew she was like that. My image of her has changed completely, but I like her way better now. Hey, but don't worry. This is just between you and me. Okay, see you tomorrow.

If Yu says that he is interested in Yukiko, Yosuke says he suspected as much. He doesn't say anything about her looks or anything. Interestingly, he just says that his image of her has changed, but he likes Yukiko more now after seeing her true self. Almost as if he didn’t have a very great impression of her before.

Yosuke: That being said…Yukiko, can I have your cell number? Chie: Hey…Was this your plan all along? Yosuke: Uh, no? I got everybody's phone number except for hers. And the Y section of my address book needs some filling out.

During the stakeout, he asked Yukiko for her phone number. So, the player would probably assume that Yosuke wanted to go out with Yukiko. That is what Chie assumed, after all. But I think that was a red herring.

Chie: Hey, how do you think the others are doing? Yosuke: Beats me. For all we know, he's hitting on Yukiko as we speak. Chie: Yeaaaah, no. He's not like you. Yukiko doesn't seem to be interested in that stuff anyway. Wait—are you saying he's interested in her? Yosuke: Huh!? Uh…I…wouldn't know…We don't really talk about that kinda stuff…Hahahaha. Chie: Now I'm even more suspicious! You know something, don't you? Yosuke: I-I seriously don't know! It's not like we've been hanging out that long, haha…

But Yosuke actually seemed less interested in Yukiko herself and more interested in the possibility that Yu might be interested in her. Even if Yu tells him that he's not interested, Yosuke probably didn't believe him. So, it’s possible that he wanted to become closer friends with Yukiko so that he could know right away if she and Yu started dating.

Shadow Kanji: I think that you three…would make wonderful boyfriends. Yosuke: S-Stop it! Y-You got it all wrong!

Kanji's arc introduces the idea of homosexuality into the story. And Yosuke got worked up over Kanji's shadow FAR more than he did with Yukiko's. When he called Yu after Kanji's Midnight Channel program aired, he was "too flustered to get his point across". And Yosuke felt the need to deny Kanji's Shadow almost as much as Kanji himself did.

Shadow Kanji: Accept me for who I am! Yosuke: Wh-Whoa! I really don't swing that way!

It gave me the impression that themes of Kanji's dungeon were just as relevant to Yosuke's character arc as they were to Kanji's. Perhaps even more so in some ways.

Kanji: I, uh…I don't really get it myself. Girls are so loud and obnoxious, so, y'know…I really don't like dealing with 'em. Guys are a lot more laid-back. S-So, uh, I started thinking…What if I'm the type who never gets interested in girls…? And I couldn't accept that, so I kept spinning around and around in my head… Yosuke: Well, I can understand the part about feeling more relaxed around dudes.

Homosexuality is a societal taboo. It is often something that people suppress and do not accept within themselves. It is actually the perfect subject to explore for a game about the shadow self. I don't think Kanji was gay. But I do think that Yosuke was originally supposed to be. And a lot of what Shadow Kanji said hit a little too close to home for him.

Chie: Well, the night's kinda fun. We cook our own meals with mess kits and sleep in tents. Yukiko: The four of us are in the same group. Yosuke: The same group, huh…? Does that mean we sleep together at night, too!? Chie: You wish! Guys and girls sleep in different tents! I'm warning ya…If you leave your tent at night, you'll be expelled on the spot.

When Yosuke found out that they were all in the same group, he actually stood up out of his chair. You're meant to think he reacted this way because he was thinking about sharing a tent with girls. Typical straight teenage boy. But I'm sure he knew they weren't sleeping with the girls on a school trip. His reaction probably had nothing to do with the girls. He probably got worked up about sleeping in the same tent as someone he had been developing feelings for.

Yosuke: This is as good a time as any, so…I-I want you to be honest with us. Kanji: Uh…okay? Yosuke: A-Are you really…you know…? Kanji: Am I really what…? Yosuke: What I mean is, uh…Are we gonna be safe with you? Kanji: Wha—!? Wh-Wh-What the hell's that supposed to mean? I-I already told you guys I'm not like that!

According to Jung, psychological projection is a major aspect of the shadow. When individuals project, they unconsciously attribute qualities that belong to their own shadow onto others. This allows them to avoid confronting these aspects within themselves. If they had stuck with that original idea, I don’t this scene would have been so controversial and offensive to people. By taking Yosuke's same-sex attraction out of the narrative, the game felt a lot more juvenile as a result. Yosuke's homophobia could have been used to explore his shadow self. But instead, it was just used to take cheap shots at Kanji for no reason other than comedy.

Yosuke: W-Well then why are you all hot and bothered about it!? That's just more suspicious!

The irony of this line certainly wasn't lost on me. And I don't think the writers were so lacking in self-awareness that they didn't realize how Yosuke was the one getting all hot and bothered by anything related to homosexuality after Kanji's dungeon. I think it was supposed to raise some suspicions in the player about Yosuke's sexual orientation.

Yosuke: And c'mon, you guys gotta admit I chose some good suits. Those girls might be childish on the inside, but I bet they're gonna turn into some fine-looking women before too long! Don't you think so, Yu?

If Yosuke was always intended to be written as a straight guy or even a bisexual guy, this part would come across as misogynistic and kinda creepy. Even Stupei wouldn't buy swimsuits for his female friends. But if Yosuke was actually meant to be a gay boy, this is more of a sad attempt at imitating a straight boy to appear "normal". And if that were the case, his behavior with girls is a lot more forgivable.

Yosuke: So…? You keep the goods under the futon? (option 1) Yu: Huh? Yosuke: C'mon…No need to play dumb. Don't worry. I'll still be your friend even if you're into the freaky stuff. Yosuke looks like he's having fun.

Yosuke wasn't truly interested in Yu's dirty magazines. He was only interested to learn more about what kind of girls he was into. I know they added a scene in Golden where Teddie finds Yosuke's porn stash and he shows it to his parents. It's played straight as pure comic relief. "Haha, Yosuke never stops thinking about girls". But in his Rank 5 SL, this felt like it was meant to be a more serious topic.

(option 2) Yu: Of course. Yosuke: Hahaha! Why are you acting so dignified about it? Alright, I'll check 'em out when you go take a piss or something. I'll expose your embarrassing tastes!! Yosuke looks like he's having fun.

The "embarrassing tastes" comment was interesting.

(option 3) Yu: What, don't you? Yosuke: Haha! Like I'd hide mine in such an obvious spot! One time, my mom found it and read the title out loud to the whole family… Yosuke is reflecting on his past…

It actually sounds like Yosuke was the one with "embarrassing tastes". If his mom felt the need to shame him in front of the family like that, it leads you to wonder what he was looking at exactly. Sure, it could have been some typical straight boy stuff. But what if it was a men’s magazine or something? Depending on how traditional his family was, he could have received disapproval for that.

Yosuke: So, you ever invited a girl in here? (option 1) Yu: I haven't. Yosuke: Haha, maybe you're more of a man's man than I thought. Yosuke seems happy…

Yosuke seems happy if Yu is not planning to bring a girl over.

(option 2) Yu: I will soon. Yosuke: Seriously!? That mean you're working on someone!? Yosuke is keyed up…

And he gets keyed up if he is.

(option 3) Yu: I have. Yosuke: Seriously!? Who'd you… I'll stop there. I think it's better I don't know. Yosuke is smiling wryly…

He probably assumed it was Yukiko and he didn't wanna know any more details than that. Again, due to comphet, most people would probably assume that he was just jealous because he wanted to date her himself.

Yosuke: Because she likes him…? M-Man, kids sure are mature these days…Well, my first love was in first grade, too! I've always been ahead of my time. But, well…I don't really need that in my life right now. It's just not the time…I have something I need to do before that can happen…

But he actually didn't. His true feelings are quite different than his public persona where he's obsessed with getting a girlfriend. Especially in Golden, like with the motorcycle scene. Yosuke said he was ahead of his time. And I think he was. His character arc seemed to be about being closeted and coming to terms with it. But that was a trickier subject during the time period which the game first came out.

Rise: And the bustline… Yosuke: Huh? Rise: Mine aren't that big. Yosuke: Oh yeah, I see what you mean now… I-I mean…What am I saying!? U-Um, I'm sorry…!

Similar to Yukiko's Shadow, Yosuke had no real interest in the sexual aspects of Rise's Shadow. The Midnight Channel zoomed in to emphasize her chest and waist area, which was due to the general public's interest in her sex appeal. Yosuke told Yu he could tell it was Rise by the hairstyle. However, in front of the others, he said he knew it was her because of her figure. It's a minor detail, but it suggests that his reaction was completely performative. He didn't even recognize her figure in person that well anyways.

Chie: Let's hurry and rescue her! Yosuke! You better not slack off, hoping she'll "bare it all" if we take our sweet time! Yosuke: I-I wouldn't pull a stunt like that! Yukiko: …… Yosuke: Wh-What's with the silent treatment!? I won't do that, I swear! Believe me, I know! We'll rescue Rise before the fog sets in!

The female members of the team assume that Yosuke would want to take as long as possible to save Rise so he could see her strip.

Shadow Rise: Eee, how embarrassing! Is this too hot for TV!? Well, if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing all the way! I'm gonna bare it all for you! Heehee! Stay tuned! Yosuke: I-Is she serious about baring it all!? Is it me, or are these shows getting crazier and crazier!? Yosuke sounds excited. Yu: We're in no rush. Yosuke: Huh? But if we don't recue her, isn't Risette gonna...s-strip...? *gulp* Dude, we can't let her go through with that!

However, if Yu actually suggests that they take their time, Yosuke doesn't even get why. He doesn't want to see her strip and never even jokes about it, like Junpei no doubt would have.

Snooty student: So it's Kazumi now that Saki's dead!? Don't even bother, she has a boyfriend. Didn't you get it!? Saki didn't like you! We heard so from her! She may have acted that way, but… They started to badmouth Saki-senpai… Yu: Shut up! Yosuke: Yu… Snooty student: Wha—Who are you!? You shut up! Yosuke: You're the ones who should shut up!! What do you know about Saki-senpai!? She didn't do things half-assed like you! She looked lazy, but she worked hard! She talked bad, but she was good inside! So she hated me? I knew that! She's not here anymore! I'm left behind! …Just leave me alone.

In Rank 6, Yosuke didn't become angry when he listened to the girls gossiping about Saki. He only lost his temper when they insulted Yu.

Yu: You were just upset. Yosuke: N-No, I was just… Yosuke is smiling pathetically… Yosuke: Damn…Another pathetic display from Yosuke, huh? Thanks, though. Hearing you say that stuff to them…It made me happy.

Saying "You were just upset" in Rank 7 is a flag that unlocks the option to hug Yosuke in Rank 8. And the Rank 8 hug was probably a potential romance flag, just like when Rise was crying, and the game warns you that this is an important moment and there's no going back. The fact that these flags were still left in the game suggests the romance route was taken out relatively late in development.

Yukiko: The people at the inn keep asking me questions every day, like "What kind of guy is he?" and "Is he handsome?" *chuckle* I'm sorry I got you involved. Yosuke: …… Oh, uh, I'm going to go take a little walk. Yukiko: Huh? No, it’s not what you think!

When Yukiko is at Rank 6, this is the dungeon dialogue between them. There was definitely a love triangle going on between Yu, Yukiko, and Yosuke. Yosuke was clearly jealous.

Kanji and Teddie were conveniently removed from the equation. But Yosuke was a King's Game option. Kanji wanted Naoto to enter the beauty pageant to prove to himself that he was into girls. And Yosuke signed up all the girls. Was he also trying to prove himself straight?

Yu: What kind of girl do you like? Yosuke: W-well, for me, um... I guess a girl that's kind and sorta fragile, you know? Someone I'd want to protect...

Yosuke actually had a hard time with this question. He gets one on those blank scribbly symbols over his head. He was actually describing a Yamato Nadeshiko, which is the idealized woman in Japanese culture. A very safe and generic answer for someone who is "totes into girls" but has no specific type. Kanji's answer to this question was more detailed because he had a specific girl he liked in mind.

Male class rep: Okay…your turn. Who would you want to date? Yu: Yosuke. Yosuke: Okay, we get it! You're good at role-playing! Now quit it! You're creeping me out… Kanji: There are many forms of love…Didn't you tell me something like that? Yosuke: No! Not at all! Well, I admit, I'm pretty dependable…and decent lookin', right?

If Yu sits on girl side, Kanji is also an option. However, Yosuke is the one who gets hot and bothered by homosexuality. At least in public. Privately, he apparently told Kanji off-screen that he had nothing against other forms of love.

Yosuke: Your turn. What type of girls do you like? Yu: A kind girl. Yosuke: Ooh, me too! You get this urge to care for and protect them...

If Yu sits on the boy side, Yosuke is the one who will be forced to sit on the girl side. And he will single out Yu with his question, to learn what type of girl he likes. He can respond that he likes a girl like Chie, a girl like Yukiko, or a kind girl. Yosuke is very happy if Yu says he likes someone he has the urge to care for and protect.

Yu: Any of us you like, Yosuke? Yosuke: Well, you guys are all wonderful... But I think you'd be the most reliable. I-I mean—You idiot! Don't make me play along!

Yosuke would choose Yu to date because he's "reliable". It begs the question. Did he want a kind girl to care for and protect? Or did he truly want to be the kind fragile girl being cared for and protected by a reliable guy?

Yosuke: …I found this. It's a Print Club sticker I took with Saki-senpai… When I first got here, she insisted on taking it… Back then…somewhere inside me, I thought I was above this place… A lot of people saw me as the enemy because Junes was going to ruin the shopping district. But…when I met her, she told me, "Parents are parents. You're you…" Even if she didn't really mean it…it made me happy. Because of her…I started to think maybe this town wasn't all that bad. But then… Yu: She dumped you? Yosuke: No… that didn't matter. As long as she was still alive…

Yosuke was still mourning Saki's loss in Rank 8. But his relationship with her was not particularly close. They were coworkers for less than a year and he knew she didn't even like him. However, she accepted him. That's why he latched onto her. He probably thought he liked her romantically. Maybe he even wanted to like her, since he was so lonely. But I think as he spent time with Yu, he slowly realized that he never really did. But he did have those feelings for Yu.

Yosuke: Yu…I get it now. I wanted to forget about Saki-senpai. How she's not here anymore. I wanted to forget that…I was living a boring life in the middle of nowhere. When the murders started, I got excited…I thought there was finally a point to me being in Inaba…I thought I could forget Senpai was gone…and the fact that I was such a loser…I jumped at the murders and never once thought about what I was doing… I… didn't even take the first step…

I believe Yosuke liked Saki as a person, but he wasn't in love with her or anything. She was a crutch to help him forget his loneliness. And when she died, he latched onto the excitement and mystery of TV world as a distraction. And he felt very guilty over that.

Yosuke: But I think I'm awake now… I need to get over the fact that Saki-senpai isn't coming back… That when this case ends… I'll have nowhere to run… And I won't have changed… …… …You made me realize that. It seems you were able to act as Yosuke's crutch… You feel a bond between you and Yosuke.

The reason Yosuke was crying was probably not because of his deep grief over losing Saki. It was likely because he had found a new emotional crutch. And he was a lot closer to Yu than he was to Saki and even more afraid of losing him. He was afraid of what would happen when the case was over, Yu went back home, and he was all alone again.

(option 1) Yu hugs him Yosuke: You dumbass…That's for girls…

Yukiko's character arc was about moving away from stereotypical femininity and the whole ideal of Yamato Nadeshiko. She became more independent and assertive. But I think Yosuke's character arc was probably meant to mirror hers in many ways. He wanted to be the "girl" in a relationship, but he learned to view that desire as something shameful and he was unable to acknowledge it within himself.

(option 2) Yu pats his head Yosuke: Haha... Quit treating me like a kid...

Amusingly, the kanji for nadeshiko (撫子) also literally means "child being petted".

Yu: Be a man. Stand up straight. Yosuke: Haha… You're right. I wonder what'd be going through my mind if I was man's man like you. Yosuke is smiling weakly…

Yosuke was not a man's man like Yu. He had an obnoxious dudebro persona he adopted in a social setting, but it was not his true self.

Yosuke: This town I hated so much? Now, I love it. There's still nothing here, but I have family and friends...and you. The important things are never far off...They're all around you. Yosuke seems a bit embarrassed... Yosuke: I always wanted to be "special." I thought my life'd finally have meaning if I was "special" to someone. That's why I was really excited when I got my Persona. But I really didn't need it…It's not what you have or what you can do…Just being born, living your life…Before you know it, you're already special to someone. Yu: You're right. Yosuke: Yeah…Like you…You're special to me, you know?

Comphet can cause people to pursue romantic relationships even when they are not sexually attracted to the person. They often don't feel like someone of the same sex is even an option. I don't think Saki was truly "special" to Yosuke. But he wanted to be special to someone else so badly, and he thought that a girl was his only option. So, he latched onto the first girl to show him a tiny bit of acceptance.

Yosuke: There's something I wanted to tell you. Somewhere deep down… I didn't trust you. No, it's more like…I was jealous of you. I thought you were like me. Coming from the city to the countryside, I thought you'd be bored out of your mind here. But as soon as you got here, you called your Persona…Became our leader, gathered people…You're a hero. I like you for that, and I'm proud of you…But I guess I was jealous at the same time. Yu: I didn't know. Yosuke: I didn't know it either…When I called you "special," I thought some more about it. I think out of everyone, I wanted to be acknowledged by you the most…

Yosuke had an unused confession where he would tell Yu that he liked him. And based on the Japanese wording, there's almost no chance it was meant in a platonic way. It's how people express romantic liking. He was jealous of how Yu was special. But I don't think it's because Yosuke wanted to be the hero, the way Junpei did. Yosuke wanted to be special to Yu. But he didn't feel like he was good enough because Yu was more objectively cool and special. He wanted to be an equal partner.

Yosuke: So… I want you to hit me! Give me a good one. Knock out all this crap inside me. I want to be equal to you. I want us to stand shoulder-to-shoulder. So c'mon… Will hitting Yosuke make you and him equal…?

In Rank 10, the game asks whether fighting will make them equal. I couldn't help but laugh. No, I didn’t think it would. It made no sense to me whatsoever.

Yosuke: Phew…The sky's so high up. Is Saki-senpai watching us…? Is she smiling at us? Senpai…I'm going to live. Without lying to myself, without deceiving myself… Days like today, days like before when I did nothing… They're all important days… They're all days you didn't live to see… I'm going to live them here.

As the culmination of his character arc, Yosuke said he would not deceive himself anymore. I was left wondering... When did that happen exactly? I could understand if this dialogue happened after Yosuke confessed his feelings for Yu and finally came out of the closet. Whether Yu reciprocated or not, it would have been an amazing conclusion to his arc and made him a much more interesting character. But sadly, it never happened.

I have no idea why they needed to have a fistfight for Yosuke's Persona to evolve. I think that when the romance confession part of the SL was taken out, the "dude brawl" scene was probably added in its place. They needed some emotionally cathartic moment, but didn’t really know what. I know this wasn’t the intention, but it almost felt like the game was telling me I had to beat the gay out of Yosuke. I didn’t like that.

The question now is: will Atlus change this Social Link in the inevitable remake? I think there’s a good chance they will. The P3 remake removed the transphobic scene. In Catherine, they added a route where Vincent embraced his bisexuality. And Yosuke’s over-the-top homophobia just wouldn’t fly nowadays without some kind of character development.

[loulou-land]

I Don’t Wanna Go, We’ve Been Here Before

Me: I need all the fix it fics right now. Also me: proceeds to write something that is very much NOT a fix it. Sorry 😅 this is basically Tommy’s pov of the morning after and a little exploration of what could’ve been going through his head. (Title from I Miss You, I’m sorry by Gracie Abrams)

Bucktommy | Angst and Sadness | 1.4k words | spoilers for S8x11

Tommy wakes up early.

For a few seconds, he just breathes it in—the warmth of an arm slung over his stomach, soft puffs of air against his neck, and yeah…the sticky feeling of drool soaking into the curve of his armpit.

God, he’d missed this.

Tommy had spent months convincing himself he’d done the right thing. Telling himself he was fine. That he had protected his heart, knowing it all the while for the lie it was. And when the ache got to be too much, too sharp and insistent to ignore, too dangerously close to begging—he reminded himself that Evan was better off without him. That it was better this way.

All of it, however, had gone out the window the second he’d seen Evan sitting in those booths. The way his eyes lit up, the teasing lilt in his voice, the flutter in Tommy's stomach just being near him again. How easy it was to fall back into their old rhythm, as though nothing had changed.Only Evan could make him feel like that.

And it had been a heady feeling. Which had admittedly led to this moment. One he couldn’t bring himself to regret just yet. Instead, he let it fill him with hope. This was his chance to show Evan that he wanted to try again, that this time he wouldn’t let his fears get in the way.

Tommy exhaled slowly as the thought brought something else to the forefront of his mind. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of their conversation last night.

Evan had mentioned Eddie had left for Texas.

And Tommy had felt hurt at the thought that he wasn’t even worth a simple text, but beneath that, he’d also felt a flicker of something he wasn’t proud of.

Relief.

It settled heavy in his gut, shame pressing down on him before he could even unpack it.

Then Evan had invited him over to see his new place, Tommy had said yes before he even thought about it. Before he could remind himself of all the reasons he shouldn’t. Once again, letting Evan lead him even if it meant going over the edge of something he wasn’t prepared for.

And now—now he’s lying in what he assumes used to be Eddie’s bedroom, Evan curled up against him like no time had passed at all.

It’s messing with his head. This whole thing is.

There’s a storm of thoughts bouncing around in his head—guilt, longing, hope, want, fear. The more he lays there, Evan breathing softly in his ear, the more it feels like too much. He needs to move, to do something, to escape the ugly voices trying to make him doubt himself.

So he slips out of bed, briefly stopping to kiss the mark above Evan’s eyebrow. Evan’s mouth settles into a small smile and Tommy feels his lips mirror it.

After getting dressed, he goes to the kitchen with plans of making breakfast, only to huff in exasperation at the sight of an empty fridge. Right. Change of plans. He remembers the corner store and walks there. As he goes down the aisles, he unconsciously picks all of Evan’s favorite things.

He tells himself he’s just being thoughtful. That this is all for Evan. Knowing fully well it’s as much for him as it is for Evan, fulfilling his need to take care of him, to make him smile at Tommy. Bringing with him the sunshine and warmth he so desperately misses.

When he’s on his way to the checkout line, a bottle of champagne catches his eye, and he adds it to the basket without hesitation.

Back at the house, he moves around the kitchen quietly, making breakfast like it’s muscle memory, thinking of all the breakfasts that came before this one. And he finds himself hoping fervently that there will be more of them in their future.

He grabs the bottle of champagne, popping it in the fridge. Wonders about celebrating.

Thinks about whether they’ll have anything to actually celebrate.

Tommy starts rehearsing in his mind what he wants to say when he hears a soft shuffling of footsteps.

“I thought you’d left.”

Evan’s voice is soft, a little uncertain.

Tommy looks up at him and his breath catches.

In the light of day, Evan looks even more beautiful than he had last night. All sleep rumpled and radiant, curls a mess, eyes still a little dazed.

And Tommy feels it all over again—this aching, terrifying need of wanting to jump. Of wanting to fall. Into Evan. Into them.

“Not without feeding you,” he says, trying for casual, trying not to show him the way that simple sentence gutted him.

Because he has left before. And they both know it.

Tommy turns back to the stove, heart pounding. Since last night, it’s been like floating—a little unreal, too good to be true that he gets this chance—a chance to undo the worst mistake he’s ever made. He tries to come up with a way to bring up the subject, when Evan starts talking.

It hurts, hearing Evan dismiss their night as a one off that doesn’t mean anything.

“Why not?” Tommy asks, thankful his voice comes out even, despite the nervous energy thrumming through his veins. “What are you doing Saturday?”

“You wanna try again?” Evan asks softly, eyes glinting.

“I mean, I’m not ready to move in or anything” He really should have rehearsed better what he was going to say.

“And you’re not, um, you’re not scared…I’m gonna break your heart any more?”

As he looks into Evan’s deep blue eyes, he finds himself answering, “Not as much.”

The truth is…he fears it as much as he did before. But he wants to try.

Tommy should leave it at that, should go into the reasons why he wants to do this again. Why he wants a second chance. Instead, he makes a joke. About Eddie. Something snide and stupid and half-meant.

He sees it immediately—the way Evan pulls back. The shift in the air. The sudden tension filling the room. Fuck.

Tommy tries to take it back. To smooth it over. “I’m just joking,” he says, and god, he wants it to be true. He doesn’t want to actually think about this. About Eddie and Evan.

“Eddie’s straight.” Evan throws back at him.

And he can’t help but scoff. As if Tommy hasn’t gone down this road before, falling for someone he shouldn’t have. Someone unattainable.

Thing is, Tommy doesn’t actually know or believe that Evan is in love with Eddie. But still the possibility exists. He didn’t realize just how long he’d been living with the fear of being traded for Eddie. Until now.

Evan’s looking at him with something cracked in his expression. Tommy wishes he could rewind the last ten seconds. To say something better. Or nothing at all.

But then—

“I don’t have to sleep with everyone I have feelings for,” Evan says loudly. “Just like I don’t have to have feelings for everyone I sleep with.”

Oh.

It hits like a bullet.

Tommy feels the cracks in his heart widen, feels something sharp split open his chest.

Of course. Tommy is the biggest fool. He’d known his feelings for Evan had always been stronger than the other man’s. But had hoped—had wanted there to be something there on the other side. He’d thought that if he jumped, this time there would be someone to catch him. That Evan would be waiting for him with open arms.

It turns out he’d always been falling all alone.

“Got it,” he says, and he does. He understands it all very clearly now.

There was never a chance.

It all comes rushing back, the nights spent awake missing Evan, the times he’d had to talk himself out of calling him, the late night drives by the loft, the happiness he’d gotten last night. He tucks it all back inside him, in a small box, in the back of his mind.

His face must be doing something, because Evan suddenly looks stricken.

“Whoa, um.”

But Tommy can’t listen to any more.

Not now. Not like this.

So he steps back. Makes his excuse about a shift later. Thanks Evan for last night.

And he leaves.

Walks away from Evan again.

And this time, he thinks, he won’t come back.

Because how many times can a heart break before there’s nothing left to break?

[bucktommyyendgame]

here's a silly little louliver ficlet to go with the ones my gals @champagnetommy and @firewasabeast did today. It's actually longer than I intended because of course it is, but what can you do.

This is very loosely inspired by spec of 814/815, but really we don't know anything, other than Tommy's going to be there, so this is just a fun little thing. Hope you like it!

louliver (rpf) - words: 800ish - rating: teen - complete

Lou rolls his head around his neck and stands up from his chair to stretch. He’s not especially used to these long night shoots and he’s hoping if he stands and moves his body a little, he’ll feel a little less like he’s going to fall asleep where he sits. His insomnia usually keeps him up at night, but now that he has to be awake, it’s hard as hell.

He’s just pulling his phone out of his pocket to check a notification when he feels a heavy body collapse against his back.

He snorts a laugh. “Hi, Oli.”

“Tired,” Oliver mumbles against the back of his neck.

He reaches around awkwardly and grabs what he’s sure is Oliver’s arm and tugs him around so he’s hugging him from the front. Like it’s automatic, he wraps his arms around Lou’s waist, under the jacket he’s left unzipped because he’s cold when they’re not actively shooting anything.

“Quit manhandling me,” Oliver grumbles but he settles in against him, chin on his shoulder as Lou rubs his hands up and down his back.

“Where’s your jacket?” he wonders. “It’s cold.”

“Forgot it,” Oliver answers. “Don’t need it though, I have you.”

Lou chuckles again. “All I’m good for, huh? Gonna change my roll around here from Tommy Kinard to Oliver Stark’s personal blanket and pillow.”

“Not like you’ve been doing anything else today,” Oliver says wryly, both knowing he’s spent most of the day running around and fake flying a fake helicopter, not to mention the whole ‘Tommy is a hostage’ thing they have going.

Lou kisses the top of his head. “How are you comfortable like this?”

Oliver shrugs. “I can get comfortable anywhere. Plus it’s nice to be with someone who’s as tall as me, so it kind of works out.”

Before Lou can respond, he hears two familiar voices behind them.

“Awwww,” Aisha says as she and Kenny come around to be in his sight.

“Aren’t you guys adorable,” Kenny says with a grin.

“Yeah yeah,” Oliver says. “You guys interrupted the mini-nap I was just trying to take. Might as well go get some caffeine. Anyone want anything?”

“I’m good,” Aisha says and Kenny echoes it.

Oliver turns blue eyes to Lou. “You?”

“Get me one of those shitty energy drinks you like,” Lou says. “I need a quick jolt.”

“Kay,” he says, and without thinking or being at all self conscious about their small audience, he leans in for a sweet kiss.

They’d talked about this, being more open, but Lou honestly hadn’t expected him to act on it. It feels really good that he is.

“Be right back,” Oliver hollers as he moves away. He watches him go and then turns back to see Aisha and Kenny giving him matching appraising looks. It’s really uncanny actually.

“What?” he wonders.

They look at each other.

“Nothing,” Aisha answers. “But you guys are really cute.”

“We’re going to name you Chief Oliver Wrangler, actually,” Kenny cracks, but Lou doesn’t think he’s joking.

He shrugs. “I’m okay with that. We’ve already decided that I’m also his personal pillow and blanket so, you know, we can add one more.”

“Oh well, incoming,” Aisha says as Oliver barrels into him again, pressing the cold energy drink into the back of his neck.

“You’re ridiculous,” Lou mutters, snatching it out of his hand. Oliver comes back around, already taking deep gulps from his drink and settling against Lou like he belongs there.

“What’re you guys talking about?” Oliver asks.

“My true roll on set,” Lou teases. “Being at your beck and call, apparently.”

“As you should be,” Oliver says with a bratty little scoff. “But also,” he reaches into the bag at his side, pulls out a sandwich and a bag of Sour Patch Kids. “Got this for you too. It’s been a long day and I don’t remember seeing you eat anything.”

“Thank you,” he says, taking them from him. He did eat something a few hours ago, but hadn’t realized he was hungry now.

“No problem,” Oliver says, settling into him again. “I think we’re all set to start up again soon. You guys ready?”

They chat for a little while longer before Aisha and Kenny wander off to get ready.

Lou finishes off the energy drink and grimaces, Oliver laughing at him.

“How do you drink these things regularly?”

“Used to it, I guess,” he says with a shrug. “I can get you some actual coffee if you want.”

“Nah, it’s fine. This will work for now.” He does feel slightly more energized, the adrenaline of what’s coming will do the rest. He finishes the sandwich, decides to save the candy for later. “Thanks.”

“Hmm,” Oliver says and the kiss this time is a little less sweet, the energy drink tasting better on Oliver’s mouth than it did from the can. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Lou kisses his forehead, hears the hollers from everyone that they’re ready to go back. “Me too.”

[lu-is-not-ok]

So. Heishou Pack Outis's Uptie Story and how it relates to the Two in One theory.

What the fuck.

I'll just cut to the chase because I don't think I can put this in any eloquent way right now.

You know, when people started poking at me about this Uptie Story, especially how it might relate to Two in One, I wasn't exactly convinced it was going to be that much.

But no.

I couldn't have a normal fucking day could I.

This fucking Uptie Story single-handedly makes Two in One way more fucking likely and I genuinely have no idea how to process that.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you the summary of the lore drop that made me and a bunch of other people lose our fucking minds.

There are entities within Hongyuan's borders called Anamnaworms. They are ugly worm-like creatures that are made out of humans. Their purpose is to hold memories of those they are made out of. One can insert an Anamnaworm into their head via their ear to gain the memories stored in them. Doing so will, after some time has passed, eventually cause the worm to become assimilated with its host and unable to be retrieved, unless the person is killed before that happens. Despite being treated not unlike a treasured item, they are still considered people, not tools.

Do you understand what this means?

This means that H Corp is confirmed to have interest in technology that can transfer memories from one person to another.

It is just one step removed from a full consciousness transfer like what I theorize happened with Baoyu and Daiyu.

Not only that, but the fact that the eventual result of using an Anamnaworm can be the assimilation of two entities into an inseparable one is a direct parallel to what I theorize will be the end state of Hong Lu's arc.

I mean. What else am I even supposed to say. This fucking speaks for itself.

I guess I can make myself clear that I don't think that Baoyu specifically is an Anamnaworm.

I believe there is a clear difference between Anamnaworms being more focused on memory, while what happened to Baoyu seems to be a full consciousness transfer. If the former was the case, then what we'd be dealing with is a Daiyu who just has Baoyu's memories and is pretending to be him, something that I don't think adds up with the information we have.

Outis's Uptie Story is meant to be a thematic parallel and foreshadowing, not a literal one. At least, that's what I think.

...All I gotta say is that. If I'm right.

I fucking told you so.

[theinnvisiblelife]

“No,” Tony shakes his head, “We’re not doing this.”

“Doing what!?” Peter demands, exasperated, “What is it that we cannot do?”

“This, us,” Tony sighs, “Kid, you have to understand. I’m not made for you. You’re meant to go out and find someone your own age, who doesn’t have drinking problems and isn’t mentally unstable. You deserve better than me, Pete.”

“I don’t want anything better, Tony,” Peter narrows his eyes, his chin jutting up, “There isn’t anyone better out there for me. I want you.”

“Kid–”

“Stop calling me that,” Peter growls, “I’m twenty-five fucking years old. I’m not that sixteen year old you met all those years ago. I’ve grown up and I know what I want. And I know what you want, too.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want, Peter,” Tony tells him sadly, “And you being twenty-five now doesn’t lessen our age gap.”

“Damn our age gap, then!” Peter cries. He reaches out for the older man’s hands and pulls him closer so that their faces are only inches apart. “Damn what anyone else has to say about us and damn what you think I want. Because I want you. How many times do I have to say it?”

“Until you realize what a mistake that is,” Tony whispers. He grazes his thumb over Peter’s cheekbone and down to the corner of his lip. Peter shudders and closes his eyes, leaning into the touch, “You have no idea what you do to me, sweetheart.”

“I think I do,” Peter smiles lightly, he takes a few steps closer and backs Tony into the wall. And then it all comes stumbling out, “You think I’m adorable when I’m mad. You want me but falsely believe you cannot have me. You feel overwhelmed that I exist.”

Tony blinks, his eyes searching Peter’s face, “What, are you reading my non-existent diary or something?”

Peter laughs breathily. “I know you don’t remember telling me those things. But drunk words are sober thoughts.”

With a deep swallow, Tony sighs, “You got me there, kid.”

“Tony, I said to stop calling me kid,” Peter practically whines.

“Force of habit,” Tony shrugs.

“Okay, then for now on you’ll be Mr. Stark again. I’ll add in a few sirs here and there, too. You know what, maybe I’ll even call you da–”

He’s cut off by an abrupt but welcome crash of the lips. Peter hums and instantly melts into it, his hands finding Tony’s defined biceps. He takes it one step further by pressing Tony closer to the wall and opening his mouth, welcoming the older man’s tongue. Tony seems hesitant at first but doesn’t take too long to start exploring Peter’s mouth as if it’s his last day on earth.

Heat races up and down Peter’s body and everything within him buzzes for more. More of Tony, more of them, together, as one. Involuntarily, his hips thrust into Tony’s, but the pleasure that follows isn’t anything he’d give up.

Tony pulls back just slightly, their foreheads pressed together, “Peter–”

“Shut up,” Peter demands through gritted teeth. He pulls Tony back into the kiss, and Tony lets him. Peter feels Tony’s hands travel down to the back of his thighs before he's suddenly hoisted up so that his legs are wrapped around Tony’s torso.

“Couch,” Peter pants between kisses. Tony obliges and walks him over to the couch, not breaking the kiss even as he sets Peter down onto his back.

Peter uses his legs to squeeze Tony in closer and his hands on the older man’s hips to guide them into steady thrusts. Tony and Peter’s moans are twisted together in a sort of harmony.

“God, kid, you’re perfect,” Tony gasps, “So beautiful. Breathtaking.”

Peter flips them over and Tony is sitting up with Peter on his lap. “Just for you, sir,” Peters smirks, satisfied when Tony’s entire body jerks in pleasure at the title, and dives in for more.

[babyblankyerror]

UGHAOGHHHHH

Stanley and Stanford having similar hyperfixations as kids but they grow and Ford 'grows up' (hyperfixation just changed) and so Stan is seen as immature for still liking sail boats and wanting to sail away (I really just think bro wanted to escape everyone being mean to them).

Stan likes to talk, you can't tell me he didn't like to talk about his interests and was always told to shut up, use inside voice when too excited, got made fun of (I imagine he stutters a little when he gets too excited cuz I do that-) but you know who would never do that to him? Ford!

Spoiler: he was wrong.

He ends up having no one to talk to about his interests and thus never finds out how smart he is surrounding them. No, Stan, not everyone knows all species of sharks and no not everyone can imagine the insides of machines like diagrams and just know how they work-

I like to think he begins yapping again with the kids. First ducktective and then it just goes on but it takes way longer to yap to Ford again.

Also??? Ford purposely making mistakes just to get Stan to help and join?? Yes??

Stanley nearly gripping his hair out as he watches Stanford make another mistake and look proud of it too (bro knows what he's doing)

And I think one of Stan's many fidgets is his hands tapping of course and before his mullet but mainly a knife or gun. After scaring the kids and everyone else too much they get them those toy guns and he hates it because you can even pull them apart >:(

They get him one of those cheap fidget guns and a butterfly knife while Ford tried to make him a device that can be rebuilt and so on.

Maybe the device always ends up a bit different when rebuilt and Ford joins in. Everytime they pull it apart they add something else to make it more challenging and interesting for the other.

Stanley not wanting to sit anywhere else at the pool because he had already decided which was his seat♡

I headcanon he has the thing where he has to sit in the same seat at the table and in the diner- it's his seat like the couch is his seat too and so is the driver's seat (unless he's teaching a bear to drive)

[deepspacedandelion]

Caleb - AZ Analysis (NSFW)

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Authors Note: Firstly, this is a long one yall, I’m sorry. Secondly, I used to LOVE reading these a few years ago and I looked it up and only found ONE on AO3 for Zayne😔 so I was like, okay, let me write this for the LADS. Starting off with Caleb cuz if yall can’t tell he a #freak and my favorite LI🧍🏽‍♀️ also, this is not proofread so sorry for any spelling / grammar issues. Next up is probably Zayne or Rafayel. (I definitely feel dirty as hell after writing this yall, what the fudge🧍🏽‍♀️)

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A - Aftercare

Caleb is pretty attentive after sex. He’ll take a quick breather (maybe around 5 minutes) before doing anything; just enjoying your presence, catching his breath, kissing your forehead, all that jazz (while still inside you might I add) before he’d reluctantly peel himself away from you. He’d shove on his pants, and go run you a warm bath and, of course, carry you (*cough* Farspace Deprivation *cough* ) to it, tracing his fingers along your back, arms, and legs, peering into your eyes from time to time and asking if he hurt you. After, he’d leave you to enjoy your ‘alone time’, heading down to the kitchen and getting you a cool glass of water and cooking you a quick meal or a light snack, making sure that you’re clean and well hydrated/fed. He’d probably want to sleep after (unless he’s got something to do) though.

B - Body Part

His favorite body part on you is literally everything, no if, and, or buts about it. But truthfully (lewdly) be told, he loves your eyes (aww🥺), thighs (ooh😏) and pussy (oh!😳). Your eyes express so much to him; he can always look in them and tell exactly how you’re feeling, no matter how hard you try and cover it up, they say the eyes are the gateway to the soul and Caleb loves that. He thinks its so intimate to stare into your eyes. As for your thighs, Caleb loves a little plush. He likes the soft squishy pillows to squeeze the side of his head when he’s going to town. He also loves to lay his head on your lap and let you twiddle with his hair after a long day, falling asleep peacefully every time you do. As for the pussy, I don’t know how many times I have to tell yall how in tune Caleb is with the pussy. He loves talking to her, kissing her, tasting her, hearing her, literally everything. Just like your eyes, its so intimate to be this close with you. Not just connecting on the outside (of your body) but the inside as well.

C - Cum

Caleb loves to cum inside, I think they pretty much all do as I believe they’re all into close intimacy, but I’ll throw yall a bone and delve deeper lol.

Besides cumming inside, Caleb would love to cum on your pussy (strange, I know), on your tummy, or in your mouth. Cumming on your pussy always turns him on, he loves the way it looks and he relishes in what it means; that your pussy is his and here’s the proof. As for your tummy, he just thinks it looks cute; the small dip in your tummy that welcomes the pool of his milky cum is a stark contrast to how… intense he can be when making love. Lastly, as for cumming in your mouth, he enjoys it because it’s basically like cumming inside you. It shows you’re eager for him, you want him in every way like he wants you. He thoroughly enjoys it.

D - Dirty Secret

No surprise that Caleb is a panty sniffer (we’ve all seen the damn picture, which I will so kindly out at the bottom of this post). He just gets off on it. He is absolutely infatuated with stealing a pair of your panties (worn (preferably) or not). Just the thought of being so close yet so far from such an intimate part of you turns him on like nothing else. It’s different from any other scent about you; your shampoo, your perfume, lotion, mouthwash, whatever. It’s different because it’s so… natural and you. It’s not altered or can be replicated, no, it’s unique to you and that’s why he loves it. He loves taking a big ass whiff to ground himself, remind him what he’s doing (quite literally) anything for. He can’t help the aching bulge that grows in his pants every time he does. He doesn’t mean for it to happen, it just does. (It’s not even a secret anymore tbh, I don’t think he’d try to hide it very long)

E - Experience

Caleb is so infatuated with you that he would instantly be put off by another female. Not in a ‘disgusted way’ just in a ‘not interested’ way. It doesn’t take him long to realize that he is literally looking for you in every woman he encounters. “Oh, her perfume is nice. Not as nice as Y/N’s, but it has a nice vanilla smell, very relaxing.” He literally looks for traces of you, big and small, and even IF he does find them, they still wouldn’t entice him. He’d just be reminded of you, and now he’s thinking about you the whole encounter and how much he’d like to see you right now, and oh! Someone else is here…? Sorry, didn’t see you there. With that being said, I don’t think he’d have much experience under his belt; he’s known you since childhood and has been literally obsessed with you ever since, and I highly doubt he’s ever felt that way for anyone before, during, or after you. He may have 1 (at the ABSOLUTE MAX 2, but I can’t really see it) body(ies) but it would just be to experience sex/relieve some stress, not because he actually felt something for them, even so, he’s probably one of those virgins that no one ever expects to be a virgin.

F - Favorite Position

Caleb LOVES cowgirl, he loves to see you take control and get yourself off while using him. Its so sexy to him; he’s always telling you how pretty you look and how good you’re doing, and he LOVES that scoot thing? That you do to hit your G-Spot, really drives him wild seeing you like this, but one of his absolute favorites is “The Anvil (picture below).” He loves the closeness and intimacy of it and the dirtyness too; how he can look into your eyes and moan into your ear, how he can kiss your legs as well as your face, how deep he can get this way, how his body weight is practically pinning you in place, forcing you to take everything he gives you. He loves how wet you sound squelching beneath him every time he pounds into you, how his balls slap your perineum making you feel even better. It also add one to one mind blowing orgasm for him and you.

G - Goofy

Caleb is fairly serious when he’s in the moment. The way he dirty talks is so… sensual and lewd that it’s very difficult to be goofy with him. He takes your pleasure VERY seriously, he’d never want you to go unsatisfied, even if he does. That being said, he’s usually in a pretty serious/focused (on you) headspace majority of the time, but he doesn’t mind if you crack a joke, or smile, or laugh. He finds it endearing. It’s adorable to him, and your happiness and comfort is the top priority, so if you feel comfortable doing so, by all means, go ahead, he welcomes it, but he would never personally do it. He knows how different a woman’s pleasure is compared to a man and how hard it is to get back in that certain headspace once you’re out, so he wouldn’t want to jeopardize that if he could help it.

H - Hair

Caleb’s pubic hair is not very dense in my opinion. Compared to short and curlies, I think it’s a little bit longer and straighter, but ash black though. It’s not too much, it’s actually quite soft so you wouldn’t necessarily mind it, but he prefers keeping it shaved for you and himself. He’s a practical man, he wouldn’t want the pubic hair to get in the way of your pleasure (or his) or to get caught up in his zipper. If you asked him to do something with it (shave it all off, keep it long, trim it, etc etc) be would, just give him 15 minutes, but he finds it easier to just shave it all or keep it trimmed, less hassle.

As for you, he doesn’t care. He loves you just the way you are; Hair or no hair. He’d recommend some stuff for you to do with it if you really wanted to do something more intricate (like designs and trying out a new razor or wax place or something) but he’d personally never outright tell you what to do with your own body and risk making you feel less than desirable to him. But, I personally think Caleb prefers it trimmed. He likes a little hair, liking how natural it is (he literally just loves you in your natural state💀) but still groomed enough not to take away from your pleasure or his.

As for a hairless pussy, he also very much so enjoys this. He loves how soft your skin is and how he can see everything (cuz he’s definitely looking) better.

I - Intimacy

Caleb is pretty intimate. Of his own accord, he probably wouldn’t be lighting candles and throwing down roses petals every time you two get down with the get down, but, he’d definitely make your feel loved and make this feel like something that brings you both closer together. He’d never, in a million years, want there to be a lack of intimacy. He loves you and he is never afraid or ashamed to show that and he’d cherish the same from you. He’d love kissing your lips and all around your body, telling you how beautiful you are, how much he wants you, loves you, and needs you and he’d definitely appreciate the same thing.

J - Jack Off

Caleb jacks off a pretty often, even if he has you. He’d be discreet but he definitely wouldn’t hide it from you and he’d absolutely adore if you offered to help him sometime, but for the most part, he doesn’t want to bother you or overwhelm you with his needs. With his job and worrying about you, he gets tense a bit easily (and its known that he doesn’t like to show certain emotion to mc in fear the she might think she can’t depend on him/tell him certain stuff as to not overwhelm him) so he’d definitely value some frequent relief. On another note though, Caleb is DEFINITELY into mutual masturbation (or just being watched by you in general). He’d be smitten if he got to watch you touch yourself while you watched him touch himself as well, but he’d be itching to touch you, so it wouldn’t last long (he really tries tho).

K - Kink

Caleb is into a lot of stuff (#freak). He’d pretty much be into a lot (if not all) of the stuff you’re interested in as long as it didn’t hurt you (physically or otherwise) or gross him out (which would take a lot ngl). But, to be more specific (since I know yall curious😏) here’s a few things I think he’d be into;

• Size Difference (*cough* Exclusive Aftertaste *cough*). It doesn’t matter if you’re in the taller side (he’s pretty tall at 6’2), or the shorter side. It doesn’t matter if you’re chubbier or slimmed, he goes ABSOLUTELY WILD for your body. He literally worships the ground you walk on. He loves how different your body is compared to him, he adores how unique you are, how there is literally no one like you.

• Dirty Talk; Gonna keep this short - Caleb LOVES talking dirty to you and he’d literally cum instantly if you dirty talked to him.

• Marking Kink; He LOVES to mark you, show everyone you’re his, and he’d really enjoyed it if you did it back. Even if his whole body is covered in his uniform and no one can see, he KNOWS they’re there and that turns him on to no end.

• Very Light Cum Play; He enjoys creampieing you, you swallowing, and cumming on your pussy and lightly smearing it in/using his fingers to pump it into you. Its just a very intimate reminder that you’re his.

• Very very Light Voyeurism: Strictly just for him. He would NEVER let anyone else see. He’s not entirely into it because of how risky it is, but when he can’t be there with you in Linkon, he loves to look at videos of you touching yourself or you both making love to get off (nothing too long, maybe around 30 seconds to a minute). He prefers if it was over video cam (and not just a video in his gallery) so he can talk to you and you can talk back. It’s the next best thing; not quite as good as being there with you, but better than a photo, a text or a call.

• Very Very Slight Roleplay; He loves when you feel sexy and confident in yourself, and also when you take the lead and give him the night of his life. He wouldn’t want to go all out with wigs and a script and stuff (loving you just the way you are, no need for change) but, he does enjoy a little lingerie that you put on to help sell the bit.

L - Location

To be real, he prefers to keep it in the house (not exactly limited to the bedroom but,) preferably somewhere private and enclosed. He doesn’t mind the kitchen or the shower, literally anywhere you want but he’d prefer if you avoided inconvenient places. Some places you can convince him to do it (shower, car, semi-public) but it would have be minimal risk. He doesn’t want to risk you getting hurt or being humiliated if someone saw you.

M - Motivation

You. Literally that’s it. Everything you do gets him going. He absolutely adores everything about you, so really, it wouldn’t take much to get him going, but to cut to some specifics, he loves;

• When you compliment him or tell him how much you love him.

• When you kiss/touch his neck/back/shoulders (I think those are some of his main erogenous zones)

• When you feel confident in yourself (complimenting yourself in the mirror, wearing clothes/makeup/a hairstyle that makes you feel pretty, etc.)

• You wearing his clothes; he just thinks you look so adorable (and sexy) he loves how comfortable you are around him, which reminds him that you trust him, which reminds him that you love him and he loves you, and now he wants to express that love, and now you’re making love. Yay.

• When you ask him to do something for you (Open a bottle, run you a bath, zip up your dress, etc).

He might seem a lil easy to get going (which is true) but that’s just because he loves you so much. He also loves knowing that YOU KNOW you can depend on him and how he’d do anything and everything for you. Makes him want to express his love, and what better way to express his love than to make love..?

N - NO

(Do I need to say #freak again?!) To be real, there’s not a whole bunch Caleb would NOT be into, he prefers to keep things clean, safe, and immersive for BOTH of you, so anything that involves all 3 (actually 4 and i’ll explain why in a bit) of those things is a green light in his book (or at least a yellow). But, to get specific, here’s a few things I think he definitely would not enjoy.

• Blood or Scat Play; it’s just not his thing. He’d be so worried about you the whole time, it would literally kill his mood.

• Nothing to deprive him (specifically) and sometimes you of your senses; he wouldn’t mind a blindfold if you really wanted it, but he’s so adamant about touching, hearing, tasting, and seeing you that it would be lackluster to him if these senses were taken away. Likewise, he wants you to also be immersed in the moment, but he DOES enjoy how the lack of sight (from you) 1. Establishes how much you trust him, and 2. Heightens your senses (and pleasure) when he touches you.

• No one else; Literally no one else can be involved in your love life. Caleb would feel so distraught and pathetic (and extremely possessive) if you ever brought up bringing someone in to your love life (not just sex, but in general). He’s so dedicated to you and, in his mind, even though he spends a lot of time with you, it’d never be enough. There is no one on Earth that he loves, wants, or needs, like he does you, so if he even got the slightest hint that you felt the same way, it’d crush him. He’d get extremely possessive but sad as well.

O - Oral

Caleb LOVES oral. Tasting you is such an intimate thing and he absolutely REVELS in the fact that he is the one to do it. He loves it messy, not gonna lie. He’d LOVE if you were a squirter (he can definitely make you one😏); he wants your juices trickling down his chin, he wants you pushing his head deeper into your pussy, he’d love your toes curling as he made you feel like no one ever has and he’d definitely love to make out (with the lips on your face🧍🏽‍♀️) after he’s done making you feel good. Caleb gets a thrill out of finding new ways to make you feel good, he wants to be the only one to know you so well. In my opinion, Caleb would love your perineum (though I don’t think he’d know the exact name for it lol). It was unexpected how it came about really, just the brush of his bottom lip there and your breathy moans were echoing throughout the room. So he did it again, and again, and again, until your orgasm washed over you, making you tremble with pleasure. Something awoke in him that day.

As for receiving oral, he loves it (who wouldn’t? though I think he prefers giving). He LOVES to keep eye contact during the whole thing, asking you how good he taste, do you like sucking him off, do you know how good you’re making him feel, telling you how much he loved the way you make him feel, and praising you as his orgasm electrified him. Ropes of cum dripping from your lips. He’s torn between wanting to intertwine your fingers with his, tangle his hands in your hair and slowly guide your movements or if he wants to to keep his hands to himself and let you fondle his thighs and balls (decisions, decisions). Truth be told, he loves to sit back and watch you work your magic, he knows that YOU KNOW how to make him feel good, he trusts you.

P - Pace

Caleb doesn’t fancy going too fast or too slow. On a scale of 1-10 on how fast he likes to go, his preference is around a 4.5 to 6.5; He likes to slow it down sometimes, really let you feel all of him and adjust to his length pummeling in and out of you, but too slow can be frustrating for him. He prefers a more steady pace, not enough to be too desperate for more, but not too fast to where you both just get off without building the tension, the connection, the intimacy and the pleasure.

Q - Quickie

Contrary to not wanting to go too fast just to get off, Caleb actually does enjoy a quickie. His face lights up with joy the moment you suggest it. Like I said, he’s a practical man, and if this is the way you want to spend a quick few minutes with him, he definitely won’t argue. As for him suggesting a quickie, he will from time to time, but he’d prefer to wait until you both have a bit of time and a comfortable spot to get down. His preferred position for a quickie is definitely bending you over, but he also loves setting you up on a surface and thrusting into you. It’s not his favorite thing but, Whenever and however he can get some, he’s happy lol.

R - Risk

Caleb doesn’t mind a bit of risk, but he’d need a good reason to attempt in the first place. He doesn’t want others to see you in the intimate state that only he can see you, so he wouldn’t be very fond of it. Not to mention, I don’t think he’d be very hyped to risk getting interrupted or someone making you feel embarrassed. If you were into it, he’d definitely try to find some joy in it, but his personal preference, It’s not very high on his list of pleasurable things.

S - Stamina

Caleb has quite a bit of Stamina. He definitely can go for around 2-3 rounds, maybe 4 if you’re really insatiable, but I highly doubt he’d prefer it. He doesn’t fancy sex that 1. Is solely focused on getting off, 2. Leaves him with no energy to take care of you after, 3. Could possibly be too much for you. In one word, he likes ‘steadiness.’ His preferred amount of rounds is 1-2. Around maybe 15-30 minutes each (including foreplay), depending on if he wants to be a little slow or not at the time.

T - Toys

Caleb enjoys toys. He’s not entirely crazy about them or anything, but he does have a few favorites: Vibrating Panties, a vibrating wand (to use on both of you), a bullet vibrator, and a cock ring. He wouldn’t be opposed to you wanting to try new toys, but these are the ones he’s most comfortable with. I think he wouldn’t prefer anything that takes away the use of his or your senses (maybe a blindfold at best) because he wants to be immersed in the moment when he’s intimate with you and he’d like for you to be too. He wants to hear, see, feel, and taste, how good he’s making you feel and he wants you to hear, see, feel and taste how good you make him feel, so he wouldn’t necessarily be a fan of something that robbed him of that, but he’d give it a try once or twice if it was something you were into.

U - Unfair

Caleb is a tiny bit unfair. He wouldn’t tease you too much, but he does enjoy getting you riled up slightly. Asking you how bad you want it before he, eventually, gives in. Asking you how you want it, encouraging you to tell him a lewdly specific way. Pulling away right before you climax just to hear your pretty whines and whimpers, he adores it, but he’d always give in after one or two times, he can’t resist you.

As for teasing him, he actually throughly enjoys it. He loves when you make him tell you just how he wants you to make him feel good and he absolutely loves when you pull away from letting him cum just to give in a few minutes later. It always makes him cum so hard. He knows his Pipsqueak will come running back sooner or later, not being able to resist giving him what he wants because she wants it too, and that alone gets him off so good.

V - Volume

Caleb is extremely vocal in bed, the most vocal of the 5 (*cough* definitely check out my “How They Talk To You In Bed Headcanon” to see why *cough*). He loves making your face flush red at the way he dirty talks only for you, no one else. His moans and groans are also pretty loud, and his favorite thing to do is lean his head into the crook of your neck and moan loudly in your ear. He just wants you to know how good your pussy makes him feel.

Lastly, as for receiving dirty talks from you, he’s probably die and come back to life. It’d really be a dream come true. He wants you to practically tell him you own him in every way. How only you can make him feel this good, or nut this hard, and he wouldn’t object. It’s entirely true.

He LIVES for your moans and WOULD NEVER want you to hold back. He’d prefer if you were loud (not Christina Aguilera loud or nothing but yeah, pretty vocal lol);

“Whose pussy is it, baby? Mine? Aw, that’s cute, I like that. Maybe you should say it louder. Say my name louder, Pipsqueak, let everyone know who you belong to.”

W - Wild Card

Caleb has an EXTREMELY love-hate relationship with being tied down. He absolutely hates not being able to touch your body as much as he wants, it’s pure torture to him, but he is ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED with you being in control. He loves how much he can trust you in such delicate moments like this. He loves how sexy and confident you look when you have all the power. He loves how good you make him feel, how earth shattering his orgasm is whenever you tie him up and use him as you please; He’s all yours after all, but goodness does he hate not being able to touch you. (*cough* Tainted Cuts *cough*)

X - X-ray

Look Yall, I’m gonna be real; Everybody is rambling on about 7 and 8 inch dicks for the LADS guys, but I just can’t see it (besides Sylus, but I’ll get to him another day). Caleb is packing some heat, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nothing splitting you in half out of this world. Firstly, the man is built like a tank; tall (6’2) and wide (shouldered), and according to his fingers and nose, I have come to the conclusion that he is around 6.3-6.6 inches (when fully erect). I think he’s a grower lol, one minute you’d probably be like “Okay, that’s about normal size, I can do that!” And then the next minute it’s like “Whoa there, Pinocchio, slow down!” He’s definitely content with it, believe me, and oh does he know how to use it. As far as hoe thick I think it is, it definitely has some girth; make an ‘okay’ sign and he’s about as girthy as the hole between you index finger and thumb.

Y - Yearning

Caleb is fairly horny in my opinion. He’d want to go at it at-least twice a week. Preferably, 3-4, but he’ll take what he can get. He respects you too much to ever push you, so if he’s in the mood, he’d probably drop a few hints but would absolutely respect if you declined, not gonna lie he’d probably be the type to encourage you to say no every now and again just so he can be assured that you’re voicing your boundaries and he’s respecting them. Furthermore, He’d be a little red in the face when you ask him where he’s going and he’s like “Uhm… to relieve myself… ha.” He wouldn’t want to hide it from you, but he wouldn’t want it to seem like he’s trying to guilt trip you or anything, but the relief that a quick nut gives him is really like no other, so, he’d be a little desperate for it.

Z - Zzz

Caleb wouldn’t doze off immediately. He’d want to make sure you’re properly taken care of first. A little aftercare and light conversation would be the cherry on top for him. He’d spend around 30 mins to an hour tending to you before he focused much on himself, and even then its a quick shower, a quick drink, a quick bite and then coming back to cuddle with you. When his head DOES hit the pillow though, better act quick and say what you need to say cuz he’ll be dead sleep in about 10 minutes tops.

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(Some Caleb pics cuz I need him bad. Please stay away yall, he’s mine, someone tell him to please crush my head between those luscious thighs, I’m begging😔💔)

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

Spawn Astarion is "Stronger" than Ascended Astarion.

Ugh..this winter depression made me its bitch this time around and I didn't even get orgasms or snacks out of it.

Disrespectful!

So, lets shake these blahs by sharing some tea about our favorite elf. Hmmm..how about some Inner Reset. Sweet fennel, aniseed and cardamom.

This thought pot was started when I was reading a lot of comments about how "weak" Spawn Astarion is and how Ascending him is the best possible outcome for him. Is it? I feel Spawn Astarion is worthy of a high level of respect. More so than his Ascended version in my opinion.

Now, before an army of beloved dark consorts come for my neck, I do NOT have an issue with your master. I mean, if your going to have a evil, world dominating evil fantasy I would chose him too. I am with you on that. I am merely aligned with with his other half and enjoy sharing why.

Now go! You know your sovereign doesn't like his highly prized and guarded treasure straying too far. And I have no desire to have to explain to him why you are in my foyer. But, you are welcome to stay if you have permission and manners. * wink *

WARNING: Game Spoilers, Topics of Sex, Abuse, Torture and Adult themes including language. Not underage appropriate.

This is not fact. Just opinion based off my own and game experience. As always, how anybody cannons their relationships or behaviors is perfectly right! No blame, no shame, it's your game!

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Lets wander a bit.

Imagine if you will, that you made a poorly educated choice. And because of it, you were locked into slavery for centuries under the thumb of a mentally unstable captor. Your choices being do as you are told or suffer endless unimaginable pain you could never escape from due to your bond with your tormentor and your undead nature. You wouldn't die from the torture that would kill a mortal within minutes. You would suffer it for days, months, even years. True death was beyond your reach. Forever trapped in an endless cycle of pain.

But, you could "buy" a tentative reprieve.

The price? A strangers life.

No brainer, right? But here's the catch. The use of your body was required and the choices of what happened to it are anyone's but yours. Used any way your deranged captor wanted. Or your conquests for that matter. No boundaries, no autonomy.

So, what would you choose? Ceaseless pain? Or sexual slavery?

Seems like an easy choice. Luring strangers to their deaths by spinning intricate webs of lust promised lies to convince them of your false sincerity. Trapping them and feeding them to the spider that is your master. He is happy and you get to keep the skin on your bones. Well, more often than not at least. Better on a pain scale. But it is still torture.

But let's add in another level of complexity. Your sense of right and wrong is still intact. You are not "evil". Had you been it would have made the choice way too easy. You wouldn't have given a single thought about who you lured to deaths door. The act being nothing more than an annoying chore. But no, you still feel.

Damned if you do, dammed if you don't. Pick your hard.

This was Astarion's impossible choice.

And he chose what anyone who wasn't completely insane would choose. Not that it was any better. Not with his conscious still alive and well.

He talked like he was indifferent at times, but he carried remorse and accountability for his role in those people's demise. Even if he didn't want to.

"All these people were ruined because of me. Don't hate me. I did what i had to. i swear. I did what i had to!"

Deeds and beliefs against our true nature create shame. And shame is a self-destroying belief that evolves into loathing. And loathing is a vicious, rotting emotion that gives birth to soul crushing envy.

"I did these horrible things to innocent people. I deserve to suffer for my wretchedness. But why is no one else having to suffer consequences but me?!"

This is a poisonous concoction of turmoil that flays us emotionally.

Feelings Astarion fights with through the entire storyline. And he spends most of the game hiding because of it. His vampirism, his real personality, his sins.

Who wouldn't?

By societal standards he was already classified as a monster for being a vampire. By emotional standards he was considered weak and pathetic for being empathetic and saving space for others. And by moral standards he was evil for his roll in luring so many back to a sadistic master.

What a shit show.

But It wasn't who he truly was. Was he vampire? Yes, but he admired heros like Drizzt who bucked the social norm that he should be evil and chose otherwise. Was he empathetic? Yes, he tried to avoided innocents when he could and chose villains instead. Was he evil? No. He took no pleasure in the orders he was given. Unlike Jackass, pardon, Petras, he fought against Cazador's orders more often than not.

The inner villain vs the inner hero. A war raging in his own being that made the decision in what to do in regards to the ritual all the harder. Because on some level, both decisions made sense.

Mercy..

"But, if he was good, why was the decision so hard?"

For two centuries Astarion bore witness to Cazador being anything but "good" and getting everything handed to him. Power, wealth, pleasure. All the things Astarion had been convinced was worth anything in the world.

Which echo's real life, doesn't it. How many times has society sold you the idea that your value is based purely off of what you own (wealth), look like (sex appeal) or accomplish (reputation) ? Hmmm.

He did everything society told him was the thing to do to win at life didn't he? He was wealthy and accomplished by being a magistrate. He was beautiful and alluring in his body and looks. All the spoils of life should have been handed to him. But instead, it was taken.

"And what am i owed? What about the injustices I've suffered-am i not entitled to anything? Everything was taken from me, too."

And then, to add insult to injury, he finds out the Rite of Profane Ascension would "gift" Cazador, the man who has used and abused him for centuries, with new life and unfathomable power. The power to do anything. To be anything at the expense of Astarion's body and soul. Even if he died in the ritual, he still wouldn't be free.

"To place him in a position of such esteem the world will yearn to kneel. And offer their necks. Of course I envy him. Why wouldn't I?"

He is understandably envious. What an absolute unfair joke that that cesspool of a person, that demon, gets such a high prize for being anything but pure evil. Having done none of the dirty work to achieve it. His success built entirely off the suffering of others. Especially, Astarion's. Is there no justice in the world?!

From his lens, I can understand why he would want to complete the ritual. Pulling it off would feel like a justified prize for all he has suffered. Doing so would take away anyone's ability to hurt him on any level. Mental or physical. He really does believe it will grant him safety after decades of having none. A prize for pain. Finally.

But it's another impossible choice for him to make.

Choice 1: Ascend

Defeat Cazador and he gets everything he ever wanted. Power, life, freedom.

The price? Send seven thousand souls, including the innocent, straight to Avernus to suffer for all eternity. Wiping out every living memory of the sins committed. All the shame, mistakes, misdeeds, gone. The only people left to speak of it are his companions. A minuscule number against thousands.

That does sound delicious. Destroy all evidence of your sins and gain ultimate power. What's not to like?

Choice 2: Sabotage the ritual / release the spawn.

( yes i know there is a third but my Astarion didn't pick that route.)

Cazador is defeated and he gets only one thing he wanted. Freedom.

The price? He forfeits unimaginable power and is cast back into the shadows to remain a spawn. The thousand or so souls he wronged survive and could demand retribution at any time.

A seemingly bitter prize. What could possibly be worth this choice?

What indeed.

Again, no shade to the ascenders. It absolutely can be the right choice depending on your intention. Your love gets epic power and a thrall of vampire spawn are rendered harmless. Win win. I get it.

But, after all the inner and outer battles of belief against himself, MY Astarion made the decision to give all of those suffering souls their free will. Free to have the chance to save themselves, find space in world, find purpose, and find love just as he had.

This elf, soaked in pain and agony, frightened of every intention he could not control, choked by rage and envy. Chose mercy for others at his own expense.

What in the healing powers of forgiveness and acceptance is this?!

The level of selflessness and strength it took to make that decision is mind altering.

That one act of empathy raised him to a level beyond what Mephistopheles could ever offer him. He overcame the limiting beliefs set upon him by others. Won the ultimate boss fight of dominating his own demons and became a hero even Drizzt Do'Urden would be proud of.

No gods or devils required.

That, to me, is the ultimate "ascension".

(Swoon..)

"But he didn't do it on his own. It took his peers to talk him down. He wanted to do it."

Did he? If you listen, every time he talks about ascending with your character, he is seeking approval for it. Which means deep down it is not sitting right with him either. Otherwise why would he give a damn what you think?

Sometimes we need our friends and loved ones to remind us that who we are in our most genuine state is more than enough for anything. To have another soul look at you and say "I enjoy the hells out of your essence. Don't change it." means so much. Sure there are those raised with enough self love and confidence they don't need outside validation. But for the rest of the bruised and sore souls, it's like cool water poured on parched ground. Softening the shell and allowing growth to happen.

And I think Astarion was no different. He needed to hear that in that moment. He needed to know that his closest companions accepted and loved him for who he was. Not for who he could be. That there was nothing shameful or wrong for being truly himself. Forgive himself for deeds done beyond his control and chose his own path in life.

He was just surrounded by villains, not friends. He was not a monster because of his vampirism. He was not pathetic for having a thoughtful soul. (have you seen some of his dialogue with Durge and Karlach?) And realized he deserved more than he allowed himself to believe he did.

When we know better, we do better.

We are the product of our environment. Be sure to check yours.

"You believed in me-believed I was enough just the way I am."

He doesn't need to be a lord for me to hit my knees and offer my neck. I would be, am, absolutely proud to stand at he side of this "weak" elf. Because if weak means being sweet, silly, proud, forgiving and evolving. Then give me weak.

He may not have the power to concur the world. But he has the power to capture mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So we hide away and never tell. You decide if darkness knows you well. That lesson of love, all that it was. I need you to see.

You got that power over me. My, my. Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes. You got that power over me. My, my. The only one I know, the only one on my mind. You got that power over me."

Dermont Kennedy

[saicochomo]

Inspired by that one person that rebloged the og of this ans said what I'd the league knew

Continuing my femboy Brucie Wayne where Ollie has a tape of Bruce dancing like a stripper and singing to material girls while looking like a God damn icon in fishnets from their collage days

At the Watch Tower during a mission de brief

Bruce: Anyone else have something to add?

Oliver: *clears his throat* I do *walks around the table passing everyone a stack of papers

Bruce: what is this arrow?

Clark: why are you handing your will out? Are you dying???

Hal: Why the fuck does Harely Quinn get your secret base?!

Oliver: I'm not dying but I might be after this, I have decided that in good spirits that I will share something with the team, something to bring us all closer, something that will help us bond as a team

Bruce getting flashbacks to Jason's speech a few days earlier

Oliver: I just want you all to know how much I love you guys to be risking my life for this *plugs a flash drive into the computer

Bruce: *relises what is about to happen* Oliver I want you to think about this

Oliver: there are some things worth dying for

Rest of the league confused waiting for Bruce break everyone bone in Oliver's body. Oliver plays the video on the large screen they have, Bruce is hoeified it was one thing having his children seeing this but his co workers. Bruce was thinking about blowing up the base.

Meanwhile the others cannot take their eyes of the screen.

Barry: there is no way in hell that is Bruce

Hal: God damn spooky I had no idea you where a stripper

Bruce: I was never a stripper.

As Bruce says this money could be seen in the video getting tossed at Bruce while he dances. Bruce turns to glare at Oliver.

Oliver: You should all be thanking me right now, this may be the last time you ever see me

Diana: Well I'll say thank you, Bruce you look stunning, why do you not dress like this now?

Hal: Yeah Brucie why?

Bruce: *glaring at hal* because I am older now and need to keep up professional aperiances.

Jon: there is no reason why the way you use to be dress isn't professional, well asked from the extreamly short shorts. You do look presentable.

Diana nodding in agreement. Bruce grumbles walking out of the room embrassed that Clark had seen that and beyond flushed thst Diana called him stunning.

Diana: what about you Clark what do you think k of the collage days Brucie.

Clark who hasn't been able to take his eyes of the screen face red, trying to reboot his own brain.

Clark: I uhh I um I need to ah well um yes I will go get the things in the uh stuff *gets up almost speeding out if the room.*

Hal: If they fuck I want $20

Oliver: I'm not betting against that

Hal: you're rich as hell man

The aftermath if this

Diana conties to complement Bruce on how he looked incourging him to do the look now. She even drags Clark and makes him tell Bruce that he though Bruce was the sexyiest thing he had every seen. Bruce caves not being able to handle pretty woman and hot golden Retriever man complementing him this much. He does the look again still looking stunning and has the best night of his life with his closest friends.

Might actullly turn this I to a fic later so leaving myself some notes

100% Diana calls Bruce princess and good girl and Bruce loves it.

Clark is a service top and makes sure both Bruce and Diana are having a good time

Bruce is a bratty power bottoms for Clark but is an absolute good girl for Diana.

[nekoannie-chan]

“4 times you planned Bucky and Steve's Birthday; 1 they planned yours.”

Title: 4 times you planned Bucky and Steve's birthday; 1 they planned yours.

Fandom: Marvel, Captain America.

Ship: Stucky X Reader.

Word count: 698 words.

Square: 2 & I4: “Happy Birthday”

Rating: Teen.

Summary: You planned their birthday party, but what will happen if they plan yours?

Major Tags: Surprise party, fluff, party gone wrong.

Additional tags: My entry for the @avengers-assemble-bingo Bucky Barnes Birthday Bingo (Card 4B015) and @stuckybingo Stucky Bingo Round 6 (Card SB6066).

Links: Wattpad, Ao3, Spanish version.

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish, so I wanna improve my writing skills in English. Please let me know if you notice any mistakes, and I will correct them.

I don’t give any permission for my fics to be posted on other platforms or in other languages (I translate my work myself) or for the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this). I did them exclusively for my fics; please respect my work and don't steal it. Some people here make dividers that anyone can use; mine is not this type, so please look for the other people's dividers. The only exceptions are those I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. Please let me know if you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @Smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @Harrysthiccthighss @Marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club  @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @Here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammit @kmc1989 @somegirlfromasgard @rogersbarber

Bucky's birthday.

For Bucky's birthday, you decided to do something different.

“Let's do something he likes,” you told Steve as you set up the surprise. “What he likes best is a good home-cooked meal and quiet music. But I want him to feel how important he is, too.”

Bucky didn't know anything. You and Steve took care of everything from cooking to decorating the place with little lights hanging from the ceiling. At first, Bucky was surprised to get home and see everything set up, and the look on his face was enough to know it had all been worth it.

“This is...unexpected,” Bucky murmured, touching the decorations.

After dinner, when everyone had relaxed, Steve got up to make a toast. “To Bucky, the man who, even if he doesn't say it, always deserves more than we give him. Happy birthday.”

Bucky raised his glass. “Thanks, guys. I don't have many words; I just know...tonight makes me feel lucky.”

2.  Steve's birthday.

The first time you organized Steve's birthday was a challenge. However, you and Bucky knew he deserved something special.

“It's just a quiet dinner, right?” asked Bucky as he leaned back on the couch, watching you set up the decorations.

“Sure, quiet...a small dinner,” you replied, even though you knew deep down you were planning something much bigger. When Steve walked in that night, his eyes lit up as he saw the decorations. Bucky brought some old photos from his time in Brooklyn, and together, they relived the old days, the days when there was no war and no worries.

“Thanks, guys,” Steve said as the three of them sat down to enjoy the cake. “This is more than I could ask for.”

Bucky raised his glass and toasted. “To Steve, for always being the guy who doesn't need a birthday to be the best but still deserves it.”

The night ended with you guys hugging him.

3. Bucky's birthday.

For Bucky's second birthday, you decided to do something even simpler. A picnic in the park.

The day started well, with everyone buying the ingredients and organizing a picnic basket full of sandwiches, fruit, and a bottle of wine. But when they arrived at the park, strange things began to happen. The wind started blowing hard, blowing napkins around and messing everything up. A dog approached and, at first, seemed friendly but ended up stealing one of the sandwiches from the basket. Steve slipped on a rock and fell to the ground while you were trying to save the wine, which almost tipped over.

“Well, at least it's not a rescue mission,” Bucky said with a chuckle, looking at the whole mess that had occurred.

4. Steve's birthday.

Steve's second birthday was even more special. This time, there were no excuses: it would be a surprise party.

You and Bucky took care of the planning without Steve's knowledge.

The surprise was a success. Steve, at first, was puzzled to see all his friends and colleagues gathered in the apartment. The decor was filled with war memorabilia, old uniforms, flags, and photos. And, of course, the food he loved so much.

“This is bigger than I imagined,” he said, almost overwhelmed by the number of people who had joined him that night.

“It couldn't be less for someone so big,” you replied.

The night ended with Steve hugging you, grateful for the effort, as Bucky joined in the hug. 

5. Your Birthday

For your birthday, Bucky and Steve tried to organize everything themselves, but they couldn't avoid the problems. The cake burned, the decorations were chaotic, and they couldn't agree on anything.

You arrived at the apartment and at first didn't understand what had happened. The lights were off, the tables were in disarray, and the air was thick with smoke from the burnt cake. You looked at both of them, and they, embarrassed, sheepishly approached you.

“Sorry...we thought we could handle it,” Steve said, with a guilty smile.

Bucky laughed. “Maybe we're not the best party organizers.”

They both came over and hugged you.

“Well,” you said, hugging them back, ”if this is the worst they can do, I'm happy.”

[melonnnistic]

Ok here is some more depth into this comic

This whole thing takes place in Shamura's youth, as he is just starting out and gaining his following despite having certain rules to follow . . For this AU, we've given it some rules and stuff I don't think I've seen in another AU yet.

For example, our Bishops are not randomly finding magical crowns, they are instead born with a power, raised and taught to control it, and earn their crown as a sign of mastery of their power. Shamura is the oldest of course, and is more of a father than he is a brother, with Vaedra helping him take care of Kallamar, Heket, and Leshy. Narinder however, is a different story. In our AU, young Narinder was born into a small, poor cult where when his powers became dominant, his constant radiating of death led to the deaths of all his cult members, leaving him, as a young kit, alone in a rotting cult before having been found by Vaedra. Although Vaedra being mortal meant he could not care for him, and so Shamura did, and in doing so, grew the closest bond with him. Vaedra took care of the others, raising them well and humble despite only being mortal. Kallamar was found stranded and beached during Vaedra's travels, injured and sick from her own powers. Vaedra had immediately fallen in love with her and found it hard to seperate from her even in the event of Heaven trying to take her back. Which speaking of, our AU utilizes "heaven" and the "angels" a bit more. . .

The angels for our AU, are mostly all birds with distinct white feathers no matter the species, however there is a council of which is also the birds, but they have the freaky faces you see at the gate between the portals. The angels obediently follow the council's commands and at first, were directly involved in the new gods, taking them from their homes to raise safely up in heaven. There would he one Mentor for one Apprentice. . Which leads us to Boyra, who was tasked with taking care of Shamura after having just been ripped from his mother. All angels have always been alive, however they can still die. They just return as themselves, memories gone like factory reseting a phone, it might as well be death but their body still lives on . . Like Phoenixes.

Anyways, Shamura is a tarantula, a pink toed tarantula and they typically stay with their mothers until their colors come in, which is after the first few molts, so Shamura was merely a baby baby. And the council doubted his survival due to the fact that he was a tarantula. Example being, Tarantulas abdomens will pop(or literally explode) of they jump from too high, put too much pressure on their rears, or become impacted(constipated). :/ He is also female, since female Tarantulas tend to be bigger, a lot stronger, and live way longer.

In our AU, most, if not all the gods, who fought in the great war, were the stuck up (a-holes) who were raised by angels, learning to be cocky and overestimate themselves because they had *power* over another. Boyra was much against that, raising Shamura to be much more humble, but also to know just how powerful he is. In the end, Shamura surpassed his fellow apprentices, earned his crown early and got out into the world before the others and got to where he is now.

For background, Shamura was walking randomly around until he felt the draw of devotion nearby, so he headed in thst direction only to find a little leaf insect named Vaedra. Making an offering of his discoveries in exchange for peace and safety on his travels.

What's more is, Vaedra and Sozo are besties so they will be shown hanging out together at some point, they are both big geeks, answering questions everyone else is too afraid to ask.

Alright I'm done with this rant, I may add more at a later time but for now this is it, I might have forgotten something though LOL

Oops

Also bonus, I caught a wild Heket last night

Mind my childish hands. I swear I'm older than they look, my hands make me look ten and no one believes me when I tell them my age😭😭

Its here

Pt. 1 out of ???? Who knows

Its only two pages right now but I feel like it's a lot on one page, feedback would be nice since I've never made a comic before

[glitchy1938]

Hi hi! I’ve had this idea in my head for a platonic scenario with Dark cacao (and maybe Dark Choco, if you want lol), where reader is the youngest child of Dark cacao and had to grow up alone most of time and never got into fighting with swords. And the only time Dark cacao realizes how the times have changed the reader is so distant from him and choco. With that reader being a healer or something else, but anytime cacao tries to talk with them they run off.

Sooner or later both reader and cacao have a heart felt moment, where reader spills everything to him.

I’m sorry if that is a bit to jumbled😅 but when u do come to this request thank u so much! Have a good rest of your week <3

Of course !! I hope it's okay that I add my OC there And I hope you like the story

A Love Of A Father....

[Dark Cacao cookie and Dark choco cookie x young child reader]

[Relation : Platonic] [angst to fluff]

For as long as you can remember, you and your father didn't get a lot of time together with your brother. You were younger then Dark choco but it was rare for you two to play...

Your father, Dark Cacao cookie also didn't fave a lot of time for you, whenever he saw you, you were with your nanny he brought to take care of you....

You try to impress him by trying to use a sword... but alas, you weren't good at it.. you were good at healing magics, but didn't say anything to your father or brother, afraid if their judgement... Special your father....

But sometime.... You and Dark choco would read together or play, it was those moments you wished to come back...

After Dark Cacao banner your brother, you were crying in your room.. You wish you could do something but it was the decision of your father... The more time pass the more distance you became with him...

Your healing magic are doing amazing, the more you learn the more useful it is for you, but you couldn't never find happiness.... Not with the distance father you have....

After Dark Cacao apologize to his son and he run away, he start to try and talk to you, but you always run off, not wanting to talk now... He start to ask one of his closest friends who have experience with those kind of thing : Pure Vanilla cookie, Sweet bleu Chocolat cookie (aka Zakia cookie) and Hollyberry Cookie.

So the first thing he heard was :"you really need to see again your education Cacao" Said Zakia surprised by how distance you two have been. Vanilla and Hollyberry agree but are willing to help him out.. !

First was to talk to you the two other came to talk and maybe making you feel more comfortable to talk to Dark Cacao, while Pure Vanilla help him about his troubles....

It wasn't easy, but after an hour or two, you accept to talk to him... He heard all what you have to say, the way you felt when he never pay attention to you, how you felt lonely... Everything.... And then, the inexpensive happened...

Dark Cacao Cookie hugged YOU

And while holding you close he start to apologize and cry a little... you couldn't believe it... Your father, after so long.... Was hugging you... You broke while tightly hugging him back... He say that all of this will never happen again and asked if you could forgive him, and you happely say yes.

After that, he completely changed, he's not that distance father who you used to, he stayed with you the whole time, helping you when you're trying to figure out some healing spleles, hugging you when you ask, and most importantly, being and support you.

He totally understand when you told him that you wanted to be a healer, but he teaching you how to use a sword. Why ? So that when there is no one to help, you know how to defend yourself. And for Dark choco cookie ?

He came back too, to reunited with his father and you and when you saw him, you immediately jump on to him and hug him ! And you two became the best siblings !!

Life didn't start well with you... But with a little and hope, you can face the past and move on !

Hope you lien it !!

[stupidpersonhere]

SOTR SPOILERS AND THG SPOILERS???

I didn't consider myself a hunger games fan, nor one to write about character analysis but sotr is filled with so in your face character beats that keep rackling like a maracca and now it's the turn of ... Caesar Fickerman!

now that i'm reading and realizing suzane collins like to make her characters characters on their own right as well as symbols I think we have a reason to believe caesar was not a rebel, nor a secret snow agent...i think he is just a very good host and represents the Capitol population overall opinion.

Plutarch says himself that while some people humanize and emphatize with the Districts, there is a still a divide within. he explicidly states Capitol citizens would like to bring in their extended family out of Districts - how you want to spin and say what real world issues is commenting on is neither here or there , what i find most interesting is the important distinction of extended family. Capitol citizens humanize people related to them, of their taste, papable who fit within their view; anyone else is a wild, infested and inhumane animal less than a pet, a little more than a rabid dog.

I think - I don't know if it's supported by the text, it's a little bit of a stretch - that while some Capitol people have grown somewhat tired of the regime and still humanize a little the Districts, there has been a non small rise of nationalists who beheld the Districts as inhumane beasts better to keep with a collar on their neck and this divide is reflected by none other than Caesar Fickerman.

In the Hunger Games (I can't speak for tbosas) Katniss herself states Caesar doesn't go out of his way to attack or belittle the tributes - he is still a pompous Capitolite but it is implied he follows the plan Mentors have, plotting a story to aid tributes chances - this could be a reflection of the Capitol opinion, that they are doing a favor to the backwards tributes, they are magnificient souls extending a hand to the impure so it shows in the interviews.

Here? We have none that. Caesar lapses at the chance to mock the Careers, to call them brutes and foolish for using brawn instead of brain while he praises the Newcomers for not attempting to lick Capitol's boots; he is rewarding them with kind and more positive interviews for knowing their place despite having history Careers still perform better overall in the Games.

Another tidbit I like is how the Capitol still tweaks the interviews, a small comment that as much skill Caesar has they still find the need to add their own spin, commenting authorative regimes always twist and mix the opinion and foreshadowing a little (this is a bit of a strech) his execution. Caesar represents the Capitol's opinion and authorative regimes don't like when their population's opinion differs to their own, it's no wonder that was one of the first things Coin did.