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#i didnt mention directly
soulsbleedink · 3 months
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𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙀𝘾𝘼 | 𝙍𝘼𝙔𝙇𝘼 𝙓 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙐𝙈
Prompt: [Written while listening to Seneca by Novo Amor!] Rayla's been on a mission and she misses Katolis, specifically the high mage. So she decides to pay them all a visit, namely Callum.
Warning[s]: None! It's all fluff :D
Pairing: Rayla x Callum
Word count: 1.7k
masterlist
i just had to write some rayllum, i was losing it, and they were going to get my sanity back /j. but really, i love them sm, theyre so precious, so of course! i know rayla may seem a bit soft, so i'm sorry- i'm not extremely good at writing her character, yet. anyways, my beloveds <3 have fun reading!!
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Rayla’s footsteps were soft but agile as she sped across the acres of dirt, inching closer to the land where she’d first met Callum. She stopped to catch her breath, her gaze caught on the looming castle of Katolis. With a slight bounce to her step, she tread forward. Upon entering the streets that led up to the castle gates, she was quite happy to find that no one paid any attention to the fact that she was an elf. Life buzzed around her, the heady smell of baked goods lingering in the air, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips at the soft sounds of children giggling flitting in from a side street. 
Just a bit farther were the castle gates, and the village was further back, now much quieter. The breeze whispered in her ears and before her hand could touch the rough wood of the door, it slid open, just a crack. And a certain blond appeared between the cracks, his eyes piercing her soul, but then they softened.
“Rayla!” Soren reached out for her and she braced herself for a bone crushing hug, and bone crushing hug she got. His arms wrapped around her torso and lifted her into the air, all air knocked out of her lungs. 
“Soren, put me down…” She mumbled, barely wheezing the words out. And slowly, her airways weren’t so restricted anymore. When her feet touched the ground she almost considered kissing it for a moment. She inhaled as much air as possible. 
“What brought you here?” Soren asked, walking back into the castle grounds, Rayla beside him.  She let her eyes gaze over the rough stone walls, the passing workers, the baker she only briefly remembered, or did she even—Now was not the time. Opeli was walking next to him while he carried a tray of jelly tarts, a smile playing on his lips.
“Oh, I just wanted to visit Ezran,” She said, as if that was the full reason, but then again she wasn’t entirely lying. 
“Oh, I know it’s about Callum.” Since when had Soren gotten so good at reading minds? “It’s written all over your face.” 
Rayla huffed, but warmth crawled up her neck at the mention of the high mage. She refused to agree or disagree, hoping it would fly past him. Well, it didn’t. The next time she looked up at him, he was wiggling his eyebrows and his armour clanged loudly when he shoulder-bumped Rayla. But the murderous expression on her face was apparently something he wasn’t scared of, because he laughed out loud, his laughter a burst of joy swept away with the breeze when he finally quieted down. She sighed, she didn’t hate it, not truly; at least. Some part of her kind of wanted to have that every day, little moments of joy with her friends, and him. 
“Woah, you look like you’ve missed him,” Soren said, the lightest tint of laughter still threatening to spill over the threshold of his mouth, Rayla grunted. “Dare I say heart eyes?”
She was ready to swing a joking punch but from within one of the doors leading into the main castle a head of brown curls appeared, his stark red attire and silver crown always noticeable in the gleaming sunlight. Ezran turned around, his blue eyes fixating on Rayla and the biggest smile she’d seen in so long sliding onto his face. He didn’t waste a second longer when he made a beeline straight for her and sped over the rough stone, Bait trying his hardest to keep up with Ezran’s gait. 
“Rayla!” He jumped into her arms, and she caught him, hugging him as his hair tickled her chin. Bait grunted and she grinned down at him.
She let Ezran down, ruffling his hair, his crown now tilted. She reached down, fixing it. “How’ve ya been, Ez? Thought I’d visit you.” The grin on her face said it all. 
He smiled, letting the words linger in the air. “You don’t have to lie.” Apparently everyone here could read her like a book, and she was not having it. The sun was already beating down at her, and the heat collecting under her leather assassin attire was uncomfortable. 
“Who’s lying?” She asked, rather unconvincingly too, much to her own chagrin. But behind those words was a heart beating quickly within her chest, and her eyes wanting to stray towards a specific direction, up to the door that led into his quarters. And she just knew he was in there. 
“I won’t hold you back much longer, you can go, but thank you for visiting!” He said, cheery as ever. She didn’t acknowledge the first part of the sentence verbally but smiled anyway, catching his gaze once before she received a sharp jab between her shoulder blades, most probably from Soren. She grunted, stumbling forward and catching her pace. 
Her feet carried her across the remaining few steps, mind buzzing in a whole new dimension. She reached out, hand hesitating on the wood. Should she knock? Should she wait—When had she gotten so tentative? 
She wasn’t allowed the chance to ponder on that. The door slid open, creaking on its hinges. A familiar, far too familiar face appeared in the doorway. She smiled, well, she thought she did.
Because Callum didn’t change too much, again, of course he wouldn’t. It had only been a few weeks, and it should’ve been a few more; but her heart longed to be back at Katolis. The catalyst to everything. She missed Ezran and his jelly tarts, Soren and his jokes, and most importantly; Callum. Her high mage. 
“You’re a few weeks early,” He said, raising an eyebrow at her. But his tone didn’t sound like he minded one bit. 
She laughed. “Yeah, most of what they need is collected, thought I’d pay you a visit.” She shrugged. 
“Sure you didn’t just miss me?” He asked, teasing; of course.
She shoved him in the shoulder, playfully. He stumbled back, placing a hand over his heart, feigning disbelief and whatever heartbreak he could muster. She burst into chuckles, stepping inside when he beckoned her closer. 
Her eyes roamed the room. Trinkets scattered the tables, the shelves, even the walls. And fuzzy crimson curtains hung over the window, open so only just a sliver of sunlight was let into the room. She couldn’t blame him for that; it was hot. Or maybe it was her Moonshadow elf preference for cooler temperatures. Anyways, she didn’t linger on it. She walked over to a shelf with books, and ran her fingers over the leathery spines. 
“What a nerd.” She huffed in amusement. Then turned around when she heard creaking. Callum had sat down on a couch, smiling and shrugging. 
She tilted her head, making her way over and plopping next to him. He turned to her, eyes lingering on the books that she was touching a few seconds ago, but then those beautiful brown eyes were on her. And her breath hitched in her throat. Suddenly, the room felt warmer too. 
“Well, I need all the resources I can get to learn about magic, of course,” He started, his eyes never leaving her face, and she kind of wanted to curse him, “I’m literally the high mage!”
“I’m sure that even a wee elfling could tell that much.” She laughed. “I missed seeing that excited face of yours.” And your love for knowledge, about magic namely. 
“I missed you too, but where did sappy Rayla come from?” He asked, surprised for just a moment before his face fell back into that teasing amusement. “Are you the real one?” He raised a brow, placing a hand on his chin in mock scrutiny. 
“Am I?” She feigned confusion, but then he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. And she finally managed to meet his eyes for longer than a few seconds. 
They stared at each other, and he leaned closer, and she did too. But then they burst into fits of laughter, her head falling on his shoulder as he slapped her shoulder playfully. 
She truly did miss him, and being with him, and everything that reminded her of this place. 
“Thanks for getting back early, Ez was getting a bit lonely without Zym and Corvus around as often,” He mentioned, his voice muffled by her hair, the hum of his words lulling her into a comfort and peace that she related to being with Runaan and Ethari. 
“What about Soren?” She scooted closer, his arm going around her shoulder and pulling her head onto his shoulder. Then his head rested on hers.
“He’s been training, says he wants to be the best crown guard there is.” She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn’t look up, she stared at the sliver of sunlight on the wooden floor. It reminded her of him. He was kind of like sunlight, but in fleeting moments, in the early morning when it was a bit weaker, but it wasn’t so strong it made you feel like you were burning into a crisp. He was like sunlight that filtered through curtains, warmth that you could bask in, that made you feel like you were at home. He was the type of sunlight you got in autumn, the type you wanted to linger around, and the type you place your hand under and watch the shadows that form. She wasn’t ever really poetic, but for Callum? She could be, if she tried.
“He’s really dedicated—” He was saying, and she barely caught on, but placed a hesitant hand on his other one. He stopped, the words catching somewhere in his throat, and she could feel the quickening beat of his heart near her ear. Almost like it jumped to his throat. She didn’t stop the smile that graced her lips at the thought. 
“Ez deserves that, he deserves that love,” She mumbled. Faintly, she could feel the nod of Callum’s head against hers.
“He really does.”
“And so do you.” She didn’t know where that came from, but it made Callum’s heart beat even faster. The warmth creeped up her face and she cleared her throat, prompting him to laugh, the sound rumbling through his chest, up his spine, to her. 
She relaxed into his touch, fearing that if she spoke, she’d say something that she would cringe about later. So she let herself sit in silence, with him. Although it wasn’t really silent, he kept on talking. But she was content listening too. Especially when it was him. 
She liked listening to him. Or being with him, she guessed.
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psychokatrixxxy · 3 months
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So my bf sent me an Instagram reel where Batman is holding up one of the Robins (I think Dick) and he says, "Spectacular, give me 14 of them."
My bf asked me if B was at 14 at this point (not just Robins, but just bats and birds in general, doesnt matter if they are or aren't his kids or kids in general, tho we didnt count Kate).
So, we started counting. Including characters like Carrie Kelley, and Terry and Matthew Mcginnis, the answer is yes. B is not only at 14, but he is past it....
I know we joke a lot about Mr. "I work alone" very much not working alone... but this is ridiculous.
Every time I think I know of them all, I learn about more!
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tartppola · 3 months
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mx tartppola can we have some good ace accounts to follow please?
*cracks knuckles* ough baby.. i was born for this... ( bear in mind some of these guys might not be in the twst fandom frquently/anymore, in some of the jp artists case they become professional mangaka and stop drawing fanart, but i still like their ace stuff regardless :3 )
non jp fandom acekissers ( yume & canon/canon ) :
@ai-kan1
@lolitsleia
milktmn_p
witchdrug
ashipiko
gaito
yyz12reiii
regularassgrass
ayumisaurus
jp ace oshis all for beloww, i linked
ace oshi ( draws ace in general, not ship focused ) :
rutu_25 ( the ace artist of all time!! )
emo
dog
nana
sdurorhr
🗝️
tkh
pote
suwo
acedeu/エスデュ ( theres a difference.. )
tawan
eetone
neterumitai
pez
rimi
hato
fm6fu4w94
dekaiinu
mecchalonge
anmu
naomichi
ruiza
yu_si02
deuace/デュエス
chamisuke
cha_tsubu
gumin
xkmgk
yona
ikezawa
ponko
tamagodo
sa_qx04
aceyuu/エー監 ( both male & female yuu )
dustbox
nazutaro
hphp_39bba
u01ktn
jiu ( they privated their twt sob )
may
neji
tsuguminzoku
suzu
azuko
ayase kyouna
kazeka
sbt
peanuts opera
yokaze
erunoemu
itouzuchi
cosplayers
charoban
tamagonokm
this is just my favorite ace artists that comes to mind, there are a lot of other ace likers out there that im not aware of ofc! if anybody wants to recommend their favorite ace oshis, please feel free to do so!
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priscirat · 1 year
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i don't want to go home
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yellowocaballero · 8 months
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man, reading ch3 was a ride, it's like all fun and jokes and then all of sudden, Nope! It's time to be sad now! but it's so good with it? like, I really enjoyed how seriously you took it, and that moment in the classroom was really like 'oh shit this is legit' in a way that had my heart just sinking in my chest and with the tone whiplash from the rest of the fic so far, it was just literally so good to read. also, seeing byleth and the rest of the class just kinda grapple with wth to do with dimitri while he's deep in this episode is just very interesting, especially when they all have their own hangups and issues with everything. 👍
YESSSSS. I'm always so excited to post the moment the story actually kicks into gear, and this chapter was it for Weekenders. A lot of fun.
I wrote a post a while back about people's discomfort with writing severe mental illness,
and while I wouldn't say Weekenders is a spite fic, it was influenced by how difficult it was to find non-modern AU fic that wrote Dimitri specifically as somebody on the schizophrenia spectrum/bipolar.
It was so hit-me-over-the-head obvious while I was playing! His entire personality and behavior flipped on a DIME in Part 1, and it flipped 'back' in Part 2. He couldn't switch topics, he was ranting incoherently, he was having headaches, he was doing nothing but training, he obviously wasn't sleeping or grooming, he was convinced a 12yo had orchestrated an assasination - that's not depression/anxiety/PTSD, and it's not even just a psychotic episode (mania does have elements of psychosis, hence the paranoid delusions). And, obviously, the actual hallucinations, delusions, antisocialness, lack of grooming, impulsivity, etc, of Part 2 that rang very loudly of a schizophrenic/schizoaffective psychotic break.
But equally important is the fact that Dimitri's illness did not make him hateful and homicidal. Dimitri was always a hateful person. I don't think he's naturally hateful nearly to the degree that he shows while having an episode, but one of the most important lines in the BL route is when Dedue just says that Dimitri was always angry and hateful, and that he just hid it. His behavior in late Part 1/part 2 is him losing all capability to hide it. I don't think he's a pathological liar, and I don't think the Dimitri we see throughout Part 1 is 'fake' - I just think he withholds a lot. Dimitri's cruelty is just as important as his generosity. His hatred is as important as his empathy. The horrible sides of his illness are just as important as the comfortable sides. Do you see what I mean?
That is what interests me about Dimitri so much. Dimitri wants to be Marth. Dimitri tries to be Chrom. Dimitri dresses up like Roy. He is not. He is an angry, paranoid, brutal murderer. Any depiction of Dimitri that forgets that - that unironically only protrays the Dimitri that he shows the world and never the sides of him that he's ashamed of - is kinda buying what he's selling, and it both demonstrates a deep disinterest in who he is and a discomfort with the sides of his illness that aren't palatable.
Dimitri's psychosis did not make him hateful (I think his PTSD had a lot more to do with his anger problems). It made him scared. Mania and psychosis are a very, very scary experience. His mind is constantly telling him that he's in danger, that Byleth's in danger, that everybody and everything around him wants to hurt and kill him, that he is a sinner if he doesn't avenge his dead family. And Dimitri is a good child soldier, and he knows that we destroy our enemies with prejudice. He's a good leader, and he knows that the BL are never safe and that their enemies are everywhere. He's a good son, and he knows that you have to avenge them. Violence solves problems and Dimitri is scared and angry and if he doesn't solve the problem he can't protect the woman and people he loves.
This is serious to me! I'm trying not to make this THAT long but I could go ooooon lol. I understanding wanting to either make him realistically/explicitly schizophrenic OR make him violent, because violent schizophrenics are a bad and harmful stereotype. But I think both sides of him are important, because I don't want to whitewash Dimitri's illness or his experiences. It's scary for the people around you. It very frequenty is triggered from trauma and hardship and it is informed by your life. Like many characters in FE3H, Dimitri is the product of the evils of his world.
Byleth's arc in this story is about her growing into a human being. It is shown as a beautiful thing. It is wonderful to be a person. It would contradict the message of the story to show Dimitri as anything else but a human being - flaws, traumas, SMI and all. He was Marth to her. That's the point.
I went on for soooo long lol but thanks for the ask!
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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famewolf · 5 months
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speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling
#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under#i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever#it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others#and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing#like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks#every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like#one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways#something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out#i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery#poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop#never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on#so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly#and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again#its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much#im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel
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domoz · 1 year
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short senju sibs time travel thing i kept thinking about, cw: mentions of child abuse
Kawarama awakens to arms tight around his chest and a gasping wheeze of "Kawa."
Tobirama is squeezing him tight enough to hurt, has his face buried between his shoulder blades. He's shaking, but Tobi never --
Something's wrong.
"Hey." He tries, voice still rough with sleep, "Hey, Tobi, it was a nightmare alright? I'm okay."
Tobirama's breath wavers, like he's trying to speak but he can't because he's…  Oh he's too close to tears which is…
Kawarama knows he's the only one Tobi is willing to cry in front of, but he also knows that he still hates it.
Tobirama doesn't let go, and all Kawarama can think to do is grab at Tobirama's hands and keep his breathing steady and hope that he follows.
He's starting to get there when the door slides open and Hashirama steps in, eyes wide and Itama bundled up against his chest. He's crying too, which is not so unusual for him, except that he's being quiet about it. Wordlessly, he crosses the room, kneels down on the futon, and gathers them both into his arms too, much as he can.
This is just starting to get scary.
"Onii-san? Did something happen?"
Hashirama laughs, quiet and watery.
"No. Just had a bad dream, was all."
"Oh." Breathes Kawarama, easier now, because Tobirama seems to have relaxed a little now that they're all together, "You too?"
A hand pets through his hair, but Hashirama only answers with a hum.
--
Thing is, if that had been where the weirdness stopped, Kawarama wouldn't have questioned it. But with Tobi, he was at a loss. His brother seemed to alternate between being so much more clingy than he'd ever been before and then going all stoic and distant.
And -- sure. It was a nightmare. A really scary one, apparently. Kawarama got them too, sometimes, and got freaked out, and wouldn't be at his best, but he usually got better. He gave it a day, and then a few days but if anything Tobirama only got worse. Got crazy intense with his training, was reading all the time when he wasn't and pretty often Kawarama would catch him just… Staring into space.
Worst of all, Hashirama was doing it too.
His older brother was never very serious, but sometimes something would happen, or chichiue would say something and he'd get this look on his face. He started trying to act all responsible, started acting like Tobi already was, but that Kawarama wasn't.
Must have been some nightmare.
Or genjutsu. Or his brothers have been replaced by impostors or something. He doesn't get it! Tobi has had scary dreams before now, but it had never caused anything like this!
And they won't talk about it!
Which as far as Kawarama is concerned, has left him with only one good option.
Ever since Tobirama has started practicing his sensing, there's only been one person who's been able to sneak under his guard, and that's him. Even with his brother's new weird paranoia, he can still manage to trail him through the compound until he's alone with Hashirama.
He was always better at being sneaky, between the two of them.
They meet in one of the gardens, but one of the far away ones. The ones where Hashirama goes to practice with his weird plant-jutsu everyone likes so much. Using trees as cover doesn't work against Hashi, so Kawarama has to resort to henging into a lizard and pretending to sun on a rock. Forcing his chakra as small as he can, its hard to focus on the conversation they're having, especially when it's even weirder than he thought.
"--We're too young for that!" Tobirama chides, "No one in the clan is going to be willing to listen right now, and if something happens to him now there's no way we can control the power vacuum that's going to come afterwards."
"I know, but I need to get him off of your backs! It's -- it's coming soon, Tobi."
There's a long silence, before Tobirama, sounding defeated, says, "I know." And then, frustrated, "I'm trying, but my chakra control isn't anywhere close, yet, and my stores are worse."
Hashirama groans and flops to the ground, the most like himself Kawarama has seen him be all week.
"…I need to do something to distract him from you guys. Give you more time. You always seemed to know him best, Tobi, what do you think I should do…?"
Tobi snorts, "Knew best how to keep him from beating me, more like." Which makes Hashirama make a wounded sound and Kawarma almost lose control of his chakra. Who the hell were they talking about that was trying to beat his brother? "And not right now, anyways. Things are… Different. Maybe I can volunteer --"
"No!" Hashirama cuts in "You already did enough of that for one lifetime. I'm your big brother, I can handle it. I just need to figure something out!"
More silence, just wind and Kawarma forcing himself not to boil over with anger.
"I'll do something to delay him getting to the mission." Hashirama declares, "He'll be forced to give it to someone older if there's less time."
"Maybe. And that's only a short term solution." Tobi mutters, cross, "You know he's just going to do it again."
Hashirama only crosses his arms, "And I can keep coming up with short term solutions until you figure out the long one, right?"
Tobirama rubs at his eyes, and in that moment he just looks so tired. But Kawarama knows he's been sleeping, so why…
"…Right."
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sirenofthegreenbanks · 5 months
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i knew that wkx is callous and cruel in guzhu mode but these past few days i spent time seeing it in slowmotion because im gathering material for my wip. combing through these scenes with wkx and the ghost valley women is really tough. hes so mean, hes such an asshole, hes such a jerk. and its so intriguing and gutpunching because these are moments when he starts out alone, drinking or being tended to by a servant, introspective. lqq or lfm or gu xiang join him, and theyre in an entirely different mood, and they need something from him in some way. theyre putting their own vulnerability on display, theyre reaching out a hand to him. and he ,, doesnt handle it well.
there is this scene with lfm when they share a moment of genuine connection and tell each other of their thoughts and intentions. and even though wkx is more open here, even though this is after he has been domesticated by being around his a-xu and looking after zcl, a ghost remembering being human, and even though hes telling lfm of his original plan for the jianghu in order to make her understand his growth, that he has seen the error of his ways, it still shakes her up, and his willingness to listen to her advise doesnt seem enough to smooth things over so fast.
i dont know where im going with this, just that wkx has this pattern in how he behaves around others who have the unfortunate luck to be listening to him, and it transitions from different shades of distrust and disbelief to open disgust and bitterness, and it always has him fall into cussing out the people in power who hurt him, and it never fails to take a toll on those listening. hes not emotionally available when like this, and you can see how hard it is for those around to reach him
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sonknuxadow · 5 months
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ok hold on ive now seen multiple people just casually mention pro israel propaganda being in the knuckles show (without explaining what it was or what episode it was in) and im so confused because i didnt notice anything like that in there. did i miss something??? im really concerned now because what the hell
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munchboxart · 3 months
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youtube
Did I share this before
It's a pretty good song, it's one of the other 5 songs I bought on Apple Music. Do not watch the MV if you're sensitive to flashing lights
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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mukuberry · 1 year
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I dont think Amane's mother killed the cat but i think Amane thinks she did.
Anyway this scene is weird to me. Why did the killer even take the collar and handkerchief off? Why is the collar and handkerchief just left there? Did whoever killed the cat leave it there purposely for Amane to find? Killing animals is against the cults rules, but there's no way whoever killed it doesn't know that. Why is the collar cut as well as unclipped? Was there some weird struggle? Cutting it isn't necessary if you can unclip it, which whoever killed the cat clearly did. It's weird!!!!!!!!!
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softpaladin · 9 months
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is it just me or does the fandom content about baldurs gate 3 not... include the characters of color that much
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cuntrytaylor · 7 months
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the more i think about it my last roommate really was the devil
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wheucto · 2 years
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