#maybe they put it in traffic or a river or something... idk

[mukuberry]

I dont think Amane's mother killed the cat but i think Amane thinks she did.

Anyway this scene is weird to me. Why did the killer even take the collar and handkerchief off? Why is the collar and handkerchief just left there? Did whoever killed the cat leave it there purposely for Amane to find? Killing animals is against the cults rules, but there's no way whoever killed it doesn't know that. Why is the collar cut as well as unclipped? Was there some weird struggle? Cutting it isn't necessary if you can unclip it, which whoever killed the cat clearly did. It's weird!!!!!!!!!

[peachiimilquetea]

PEACH PEACH CAN U WRITE SMTH ABT A BEACH DAY W OBEY ME BOYS!!! EITHER ALL OR ONE ILY BFF

the obey me brothers go to the beach!

a/n: these are super cute and quick, i hope you like them! most of my hcs for the brothers are a lot more... harsh? idk i like bullying them but this was a fun exercise to familiarize myself with their personalities and whatnot

you can also tell who i like the most in these i think FDSBJKFDBSJKF

lucifer!

this is oddly specific but lucifer strikes me as the type to wear a swim shirt

or like one of those full-body swimsuits that end as biker shorts??

like this

he also wears a shit ton of sunscreen and bothers others to do the same

very much drill sergeant vibes when he tries to get everyone out of the house on time in order to beat the traffic

has a fucking itinerary that nobody follows FDBSJKBDSJK

mostly stays on the beach with a book or just looking out for his brothers

hates the water but loves the tranquility that the beach provides

so he takes the day to relax

but i can still see him trying to get work done while at the beach and you have to force him to put his shit down

"diavolo literally gave you the day off what are you doing"

"its just an expense report, it'll be done quickly i promise"

"give me the notebook lucifer,"

"but-"

"GIVE IT"

mammon!

MY BABY UGH

i see mammon as a "wheres my hug" ass dude

so he probably likes the beach purely bc he can grab people and throw them in the water like a fucking caveman

he will pick mc up and throw them in the ocean, laughing like a maniac the whole time

also wears obnoxious sunglasses

"mammon are those really necessary? they're a little... tacky"

"you just don't know, fashion mc, asmo said they look nice hmph"

very corny but he will make everyone stay later so he can watch the sunset

takes like 20 pictures in the exact same spot and then never uses them again

ALSO USES A METAL DETECTOR LITERALLY RUNS AROUND THE BEACH TRYING TO FIND SHIT HE CAN PAWN OFF

"mammon that's a penny"

"yeah but it could be worth millions!"

leviathan!

mans doesn't even bring a swimsuit BYE

it takes the strength of all the brothers (and lucifer's wrath) to get him to leave the car

spends his time on the boardwalk buying corny souvenirs or sitting next to lucifer on his phone

gets burnt bc he's never outside and doesn't listen to lucifer and asmo when they urge him to put on sunscreen

tries to make everyone go home early but nobody listens FBSJKFDBSJk

attempts to make sand sculptures of some of his favorite characters bc he saw people do it online and he thought it was cool

draws in the sand as well

people come over to watch him work and admire it bc its actually pretty good

then he gets his shit kicked over by a little kid and then just gives up

you have to console him GSHJDHJFK

satan!

like a cat, i don't think he likes the water either

despises the water actually

i can see him playing beach volleyball with beel tbh

he's actually pretty good

also explores the boardwalk with levi, altho he doesn't buy any corny shit

if a there's a nautical-themed bookstore in the area, you'll never see him again

but in most cases he sits to read with levi and lucifer

likes to watch the animals do their thing

i can see him getting a hermit crab or a fish bc of how cute they are

"they're like the cats of the ocean!"

hates when mammon tries to mess with him and attempted to drown him once so mammon doesn't try shit with him anymore FSBJKFSBJ

asmodeus!

OBVIOUSLY HE TANS DUHHHH

probably wears the skimpiest little cheekster bathing suit too in order to "eliminate tan lines" or like a thong

OR he wears one of those giant straw hats in order to keep the sun off him

yk what, maybe both

he also collects saltwater to go home and make at home beauty treatments

collects seaweed as well

makes you help him hunt for pretty seashells to make jewelry and accessories with

"this one looks so nice with your complexion! here, put it in the bag!"

but mostly lays around tanning and flirting with people who stare at him

bc lets be honest whos not staring at him??

beelzebub!

i hate to be cliche but

this fatass is tearing the boardwalk UP

mans is harassing the icecream truck, eating various crab boils, and finishing all of those gimmicky challenge menu items that the restaurants have to offer

did they pack lunch?

yes

is he gonna still spend money and buy more food?

also yes

mc: "beel they call it the triple twist burger of death are you sure you want it?"

beel, who has already finished it: "huh?"

they either love him or hate him bc he eats a shit ton but that also means he PAYS a shit ton and who doesn't like money???

once he sees people going to the beach and catching their own shit, he's SOLD

hunts for crabs and wrestles big ass fish he finds in the ocean

would definitely start a bonfire to roast the food under the open air

plays sports with random people he meets and probably does calisthenics??? like those mfs who do chin ups and walk in the air???

i can see him doing that

belphegor!

doesn't do anything

sleeps in the sun

almost gets left behind bc everyone just assumes he's already in the car

likes to float in the water on a giant donut

almost like lazy river style

makes beel watch him to make sure he doesn't drift too far out to sea

doesn't like to get up too much but will get involved from the sidelines

like if asmo asks his opinion on a seashell or if the boys need someone to be referee for their volleyball game

keeps everyone's spot when they need to go do something

treats the beach like every other day he has tbh

i can see him letting mammon and asmodeus bury him in the sand and literally not even caring FBJSDKBJK

[allforyoumylovely]

emma, hiii. you're taking requests, like that's the best thing ever hihi. idk why but I've had this image in my head of sander resting against robbe's chest as he robbe reads to him, while he runs a hand through sander's hair. maybe sander is coming out of a bad episode or maybe they're just relaxing on a sunday, but yeah.... maybe something like that hihi. much love to you emma <333

Cille, this was an absolute dream prompt for me, my gosh 💘 📖  I went off on a few tangents but hopefully that’s okay sfhjg. Walk, shower, read. It’s their little routine 🧡  Thank you for sending me this. Love you! Btw let me know if I should upload these on ao3 or if they should just be little tumblr exclusives?

Sander always knows when he’s fading away, when he’s turning into a shell of himself. But he never knows when he’s going to fall asleep at the wheel. Until it’s too late, until he crashes. And that’s when he loses all sense of who he is, of what he enjoys or how he likes to dress or what his voice normally sounds like. Sometimes the only indication of time passing is his alarms that tell him to take his meds and eat at set times.

Although he doesn’t reach the point anymore where he wants to be physically erased – he knows that this seemingly perpetual state of sadness isn’t definitive no matter how much his brain tries to convince him otherwise – some days all he can drag himself out of bed for is a cup of coffee and a cigarette or a few slices of tangerine, the scent reminding him of his boy, his college boy. He’ll crack open a window in the living room and curl up against the cushions in the window-seat, the hood of his black hoodie over his head, and there he’ll try weaving his way through the weeds and the tangled neurons in his thunder-stained mind to anything resembling an actual thought with a pinch of substance.

For the days where he’s more clear-headed his mama puts up little post-its around the house with simple tasks for him to do to help him feel useful and necessary. And in the mornings whenever Robbe has spent the night, Sander finds little notes from him too; there’ll be an I love you on his pillow, an I’m so glad you exist placed on his desk and I’m bringing you flowers later <3 hanging on his door. The first time Sander doesn’t think Robbe actually means the one with the flowers, but when he buzzes him in later that afternoon, the first thing he sees is a bouquet of light pink lilies cradled in his arm against the autumn brown of his jacket, the hues so lovely and gentle, just like Robbe. It’s more than Sander’s frail mind can take, and Robbe wipes away the thin streams of warm tears with his sweater paws, and they laugh softly when it only makes it worse.

Since before Robbe, Sander has been figuring out what soothes him, what makes him feel more at ease, what helps him settle back into his body and bones when coming out of a bad episode, and he has slowly built up a list of things that assist in bringing the puzzle pieces of his mind back into place.

Walks

Sander’s aunt has a golden retriever, Bella, who goes on a little holiday at Sander’s when he’s down and spends most of his days at home. In the mornings she’ll pad over the hard-wood floor to his bed and nuzzle her nose against Sander’s face until he wakes up, waiting patiently for her walk. It’s easier for Sander to get out of bed knowing there’s someone relying on him for their needs and wellbeing. He’ll take her and himself on a walk in the fog-blue mornings when the morning traffic is yet to come, and then again in the early evening when it’s still light out but the streets are quieter, enough for him to give his brain some stimulation when it feels like it has slowed to a halt. The sound of his boots against the sidewalk reminds him that he’s still part of the world, that he hasn’t completely vanished after all.

Sometimes he goes by himself, just listening to and observing the city around him with pale eyes. Other times Robbe goes with him, sleepy-eyed and rosy-cheeked in the mornings, relaxed and loose-limbed at night. He doesn’t curl his hand around Sander’s but lets it hang by his side with their pinkies brushing, open and inviting, for Sander to take if and when he feels like it. Sander will thread their fingers together always, but he loves Robbe for giving him a choice and never forcing anything on him.

Often, they find a bench somewhere, in a park or at the river, a place that isn’t too crowded but still has plenty of things for Sander to rest his eyes on. It’s only the middle of September but some leaves are already falling, lying yellow and limp on the ground, and Robbe notices Sander’s wondering expression.

“It’s probably because the weather has been so dry; they’re shedding their leaves to conserve water and energy,” he says.

And Sander instinctively inches closer, a small smile on his lips. “Clever you.”

Bella sits by Sander’s legs with her head propped on his knee, her deep brown eyes alternatively scanning the place and glancing up at him, sensing his sadness. She’s calm and curious and cuddly, reminding him of a certain someone. When Sander tells him, Robbe breathes out a little giggle, making Sander gaze at him more deeply than he has in days, at the silky curls around his ears and the blinking hoop and the crescent dimples curved into his cheeks, and he’ll quietly rest his head on the slope of Robbe’s shoulder, a few tiny clearings of blue sky starting to appear in his overcast mind.

Showers

Back at home, he and Robbe linger in the hallway for a bit, their hair messy, the scent of fresh air in their clothes. When Robbe says that his green, sparkly eyes are coming back, Sander curls a few fingers in the front of Robbe’s shirt, feeling the firm plane of his stomach against his knuckles as he mumbles, “Shower.”

Some nights Sander can’t stand the mere idea of catching glimpses of himself in the mirror; hates the way he looks with his violet circles and dull, greasy hair. So Robbe will light a couple of candles, and they’ll undress in the dim orange glow and quietly get under the shower spray. And there, with Sander’s forehead resting against his own, Robbe will wash Sander’s hair and tell him that he looks beautiful in this light, while his fingers work in small, bone-melting circles. The near orgasmic pressure on his scalp helps reconnecting Sander’s mind and body, making him press up tightly against Robbe, finally diving back into the swirling, velvety heat that licks into every cell of his being.

“Thank you for… For staying with me,” he says between hushed breaths and light kisses. It falls clumsy from his lips, sounding graver than he intends it to, but Robbe, the angel soul that he is, moulds his answer into five words of pure reassurance that protectively wrap themselves around Sander’s heart.

“I’m going to marry you.”

Sander doesn’t cry. But he’s very damn close.

Reading

This one begins one night maybe a year into their relationship. While Robbe brushes his teeth, Sander wanders Robbe’s room, taking in the familiarity of it, running a hand over the forest green sweatshirt draped over his chair, trailing the edge of his desk with a few fingertips. When he reaches his set of shelves, he sees it wedged in between a plant and some school supplies: a book of bedtime stories filled with beautiful watercolour illustrations, the cover a painting of a dark blue night sky with a full moon reading for her stars over a little sleeping village. The spine is threadbare, seemingly from the countless times of being opened and closed. As he flicks through the crinkled pages, soft lips press against the nape of his neck and the back of his shoulder.

“Are you snooping around my room?” Robbe mumbles.

“Mhm,” Sander hums. “What’s this book?”

Twining his arms around Sander’s stomach from behind Robbe says, “When I was little my mama used to read these stories aloud for me at night. She was looking through some stuff the other day and found it again.” He hooks his chin over Sander’s shoulder. “It’s cute, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Very.” Sander glances back at Robbe with a squeezing feeling in his chest. “Did it make you fall asleep?”

Robbe smiles. “Every time.”

Sander drops his gaze back to the book, asking quietly, “Will you read for me?”

And Robbe brushes a “Sure” and a kiss behind his ear, tugging him along to the bed.

It’s something they do now: Robbe reading aloud for Sander whenever he feels low and doesn’t have many words to offer. Sander then tucks his head under Robbe’s chin, and Robbe tangles his fingers in his freshly washed and citrussy-smelling hair, scraping over his scalp in endless, soothing motions. Safe and sound, Sander listens to stories about naughty star-children, wizards flying about in rolled up rugs, and a Goodnight-ship with live stuffed animals as passengers. They flow over him like dripping streams of honey, Robbe’s voice lovely and wonderful and a little sleepy, and Sander tries so desperately to make his foggy brain hold onto the words.

Sometimes when the night air is cooling Sander’s room and Robbe feels a little cold, he’ll wear a thick hoodie to bed. Sander loves the scent and the comfy feel of the well-worn fabric under his palm, but sometimes he gets a little frowny and frustrated at having to fumble for his small waist; so Robbe pulls it off despite the goosebumps rising on his skin, and Sander presses his ear to his heart and tightens his hold around him, sharing his body heat his only job while he listens to stories from when Robbe was little. And Sander feels little too; but it’s something he allows himself. A few years ago, he didn’t dare dream that he’d ever have this with someone; didn’t think he even had this level of softness in himself.

But here he is. Here they are.

He has never wanted to be someone’s more than he does Robbe’s; it’s so clear that he belongs to him. And it’s crazy, Sander thinks. Because no matter how feeble and numb around the edges his body and mind feel, his love for Robbe is always right there in a molten pond at the core of him, and Sander could cry at the fact that his brain always lets him have that.

In the days following, when he finds that he has enough energy to send Robbe little dorky, flirty texts throughout the day, such as Bella woke me up with wet, sloppy kisses. Wish it was you or when you’re in the mood for a snack but you’re not there💔  with an attached photo of himself pouting at the open fridge, he knows that the darkness in his chest and brain is releasing its hold and taking flight.

[royalprinceroman]

"In awe, the first time you realised it" with rivya pretty pretty pleaasee

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAXI!!! this ask is old af but I was inspired so I wrote you this rivya drabble fic thinggggg idk i hope you enjoy it!!

(These characters are our own ocs based on the Sanders Sides from this blog. This is an irl AU so enjoy!! Some Sides might show up idk why don't you read and find out hehe)

On mobile so sorry for no read more :(

---

River felt himself waking up; the stream of his consciousness pulling his thoughts to the real world around him. He slowly opened his eyes to see the glow of the early morning sun peeking through the edge of the curtain he swore he had tucked behind the bookshelf so it wouldn't get him right in the face, but alas, it had failed. River sighed, pulling their comforter over their head in denial.

Mondays sucked and River did not want to pull themselves out of bed, but within seconds of stretching their arms above their head, a shrill alarm from their phone began to sound on the side table next to their bed. River slapped around until successfully snoozing the alarm before throwing the blanket off.

There was one reason and one reason only River was getting up for class on this day. He had that one class today - economics. And that one boy was in it. The transfer student.

He had the gall to talk to River the day before, and several days before that. As well as the day the teacher had given him the seat next to River.

"Hello." The boy had said as he sat down. His hood covered most of his face but River could see his right eye and a soft smile on his face. "My name is Arya. It's nice to meet you."

River had glanced his way, their chin balanced on their palm. With the intent to simply brush him off, River had opened his mouth only to feel his words caught in his throat once he had made eye contact with the gentle boy.

"I'm River." River had managed to cough out that day. "Pleasure."

It was a dry introduction, but it didn't seem to offend Arya at all. He had smiled again and turned to his bag in front of him, pulling his notebook and pen out as River heard the teacher begin to speak.

River had been brought back to his dorm room by a jolt of him missing his pant leg while trying to get dressed. Arya had left him feeling weird that first day and every day after that, Arya had continued to say hello and be super kind to him. River didn't really understand why Arya was acting that way-- if Arya knew River at all, he would know that River didn't deserve that kind of kindness.

River zipped his jacket up and heard his cell phone begin to chime again, but this time it was a text tone. He absent-mindedly reached for the phone, unlocking it in one motion.

He bit his lip as he saw a message from his brother- his twin, Meph. Meph had chosen not to go to college but to work at a friend's laboratory. River sometimes regretted going to college but since he was there on a scholarship, it only made sense to stay. Besides, Meph had only chosen not to go to college to help River actually go for his dream: to be a marine biologist.

River loved the ocean. It was his favorite place to be and if he managed to put his past behind him and become a marine biologist, he'd never have to leave the ocean again. Meph had gotten the job with his friend to pay the bills so River could focus on school.

Meph the Grump: Hey so Nic needs me to stay late again this weekend so I won't be able to come up to visit. Maybe we can work something out for next weekend. Just let me know.

River sighed and locked his phone, shoving it into his pocket. That makes the 3rd time Meph canceled on him in the last month. River didn't really know what Nicolaus did for a living but Meph was apparently very important to the lab. It paid for the roof over his head so River ignored the pain of disappointment running through his chest.

He grabbed his bag before stopping by the mirror near the front door. Messing with his hair for only a few moments, he sighed and left the house, locking the front door behind him. His college was a mere three blocks away so walking was the simplest way of getting there.

River began the trek down the semi busy street, staring at the ground as he walked. From the corners of their sight, River watched the world go around him: People walked solo past; some girls in groups crossing the street laughing together; a single mom holding her baby while opening the door to a store.

The world kept going despite of all the troubles people had. River knew this and yet he always wondered what he looked like from that perspective. Was he intimidating? Were they interesting to the world around them or forgettable?

River adjusted his back on his shoulder as he stopped at a crosswalk. Several people lingered around him as they all waited for the traffic light to change. As he considered his plans for the weekend now that Meph wasn't coming into town anymore, he realized he was staring across the road at a familiar face.

It was Arya. However, Arya was standing against a brick building with another few men around him. River scrunched his face in curiosity and confusion. He had never seen Arya outside of class and he walked this street everyday. Wouldn't they have crossed paths before?

River heard the chime of the crosswalk allowing pedestrians to pass as suddenly one of the men grabbed Arya by the shoulder rather roughly. Arya stumbled into one of the other taller men who shoved him back towards the building. River felt his blood boil nearly instantly as he took off across the street. He was still fairly far away but he picked up the pace as the three men pulled Arya down an alleyway behind the brick building.

"I promise I'll have it to you soon. I will. I will." Arya's voice filtered through the air as River got closer. It was staggered and breathless; shaky and soft. He was clearly scared. "I know I said today, but my job hasn't paid me yet so--"

CRACK.

River dashed around the corner, hearing a bone crushing noise as they did so. It took River's eyes a few seconds while blinking to adjust to the darkness of the alley only to see Arya on the ground, unmoving.

"You bastards! What did you do to him?" River shouted as he stomped forward, leaving barely any space between himself and the strangers. His heart was racing-- Arya still hadn't moved. "Arya! Hey!" River shouted as the men laughed.

"Arya has a friend? Haha, that's the funniest thing I've heard all day," said the tallest man, turning to face River. "You should scram, kid, if you know what's good for you."

"Kid? I'm not a child, and I'm not scared of you." River said confidently, even though his hand was trembling. He was convinced it was his anger peaking. "Get away from him." River snarled through bared teeth.

The leader looked at his two friends and all three of them laughed.

"Kid, I don't think you understand the situation you're in." the Leader scoffed before suddenly darting towards River with his fist reared back.

In one step, River bent down, dodging him swiftly and flattening his right hand, shoving it perfectly timed onto the man's elbow forcing it the wrong direction. River heard the satisfying snap of the bone.

"Sonofabitch!" The leader shouted, falling to the ground, grasping towards his left arm. His partners ran to his side as he struggled to stand. "I won't forget this!" He growled as the three of them took off out of the alley.

River relaxed his stance, releasing a deep breath before spinning on his heel and dashing back to where Arya lay still unmoving. River fell to his knees, picking Arya up gently.

"Hey... hey Arya." They whispered, shaking the boy. Within a minute, Arya's eyes opened and he immediately pushed away from River, the innate fear of the other men still fresh. "No, Arya, it's okay-- it's me." River held his hands up.

Arya's breathing slowed as he realized the other three men were gone. His hand snapped to his head, his left eye closing in pain. Silence fell between the two of them. River wasn't sure what to say, and Arya... he looked like he might pass out at any moment.

"What are you doing here?" Arya broke the silence. His voice was scratchy but still the soft, kind tone River was used to hearing in class. "This doesn't concern you."

River scoffed, "The hell it doesn't! Who were those men? What did they want from you?" Arya stayed silent, choosing to look anywhere but River's face. "Fine then, I guess it doesn't matter..." he stood up to leave.

"Wait!" Arya jumped to his feet.

River turned to see Arya reaching out towards him only for the boy to be overcome by his injuries. His eyes rolled back and he fell towards the ground. River was quick enough to catch him before he made contact with the pavement. The momentum of the fall had caused Arya's hood to reveal his full face. River blinked in surprise-- the right side of Arya's face was covered with a severe burn scar. How had they never noticed it before?

Out of respect, River pulled Arya's hood back over his head and held the boy close.

"Excuse me."

A voice from behind them both caused River to whip around, holding on to Arya even tighter.

A man stood there, holding his bowler hat in front of his face. His cape like top blew in the wind of the alley and his yellow gloved hands nearly look illuminescent in the alley.

"Who are you?" River demanded.

"I am that boy's guardian, and I would appreciate you giving him to me." The man said as he put his hat on his head. It revealed his face to be similar to Arya except the left side of his was... a snake, wait what?

River stood, holding Arya in his arms. "Why should I believe you? Maybe I should take him and run away?"

"No, that's not necessary. You see... that boy is not human, my dear." The man began to walk closer. "Well, not anymore." He stopped walking. "Ah, how rude of me. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Janus."

"Okay... Janus what do you want with Arya?" River questioned, backing up a step.

"Oh no. You misunderstand. Arya came to me, you see. Alone and with nothing to lose, he made a deal. A deal with a snake." Janus explained, the snake side of his face never losing the grin it held. "Losing your entire family in a fire you caused and leaving yourself scarred for life is a rough thing to go through. He wanted to forget-- however it comes with a price."

"Yeah well... he needs medical treatment from whatever those assholes did to him so I'm taking him to the hospital. He's not going with you." River said firmly. "So I'll be leaving now."

River adjusted Arya in his arms before brushing past Janus toward the main street. River never once looked back and kept walking, avoiding the busier streets with nosey people. A regular hospital would ask too many questions. It was time to pay an old friend a visit.

After a ten minute walk, River arrived at what looked like a simple flower shop. He walked inside. A boy stood behind the main counter and turned to face them.

"Oh River! It's been awhile." He said. "Oh... is your friend hurt?"

"Yeah... can you help him Gabriel?" River asked as Gabriel held a back door open for them to walk through.

"Of course. Let's get him checked out." Gabriel assured.

River placed Arya on a rather large bed and sat down across from him and Gabriel in a plastic chair. River could feel the tension leaving his body finally and the realization of everything that happened was making his mind race as he watched Gabriel check Arya's vitals. Who were those three original men? Who was Janus? Was Janus telling the truth when he said Arya wasn't human anymore? What did that even mean? Nothing about this morning made any sense.

"River?" Gabriel's voice called them out of their stupor and River could see Arya was covered by a blanket now and his hoodie has been removed. "Are you okay? Do you need me to check you too?" Gabriel reached and felt River's head before they could lean away.

"No I'm fine." River assured.

Before Gabriel could ask again, a chime went off above their heads: a customer had walked into the flower shop. Gabriel excused himself and left the room. The room became silent other than the ticking of the clock on the far wall.

River stood up and walked to look at Arya. He looked peacefully asleep and more relaxed than before. Gabriel must've given him some medication. River pushed Arya's bangs out of his face and Arya stirred a bit, as if he was going to wake up.

"River.... wait.. please..." Arya murmured, his eyes still closed but tightened in fear. A dream. "I can explain... don't go... I need you."

River grabbed Arya's hand, intertwining their fingers. Arya seemed to relax and stopped talking. River was an idiot-- why hadn't he noticed it before? All of those feelings towards Arya... it was love. A need to protect.

"Don't worry, Arya..." River sat down on the side of the bed, brushing their fingers down the side of Arya's face. "I'm not going anywhere."

FIN.

[thedoctor1002]

Idk, I never posted one of my fics here but guess I'll try ~

Also, English is not my first language so feel free to correct me QwQ

Fandom: Psycho-Pass -season 1- (is this still a thing?)

Characters: Kogami Shinya, Sasayama Mitsuru, OC

Prompt (it was in Italian, so I'll translate): write a story using three among these words: cloud, dusk, thunderstorm, storm, hull, bay, shelter, sail, night

Title: Log date: 2110/02/28 (Friday) 22:04

---

The lights of the bay flicker dynamically before your eyes.

They dance hypnotically, of the same cyan colour of your office’s walls, but with a whole different beat. They drink the red and white trails from the traffic, they shatter and multiply in the tears of an inclement rain. I know how much you hate it, you just can’t stand going on recon with an umbrella. On the other hand, I love it.

Rain brings us close together under the waterproof cloth and I manage to observe details that neon lights often hide from me: the precise way you part your hair, the last few drops of the jasmine perfume on your jacket, your long lashes. Shion thinks they’re fake. We always fight over it, can you believe me?

After all, you’ve never been the kind of woman to wear such frills. 

A notification arrives, the acid light of your impalpable PC breaks through the sacred dark from where you pretend you don’t see me. It digs your silhouette and paints you like a ghost on the huge windows of the Public Safety Bureau.

Your jet-black hair lay on your back like varnish pouring over the white silk of your blouse.

“Pulling an all-nighter, Inspector Matou?” I ask casually, exposed. With you, after all, I always am: you’re the only one that can shush my shitty jokes.

But this time you laugh slightly: nothing more than a spike, a trembling breath that shakes your ribs and lips.

“The forecasts say that the storm won’t stop until tomorrow morning,” you tell me, sitting at your desk, “also, I’ve been delaying this paperwork through all week, it's about time I get it done. Might as well do some overtime and get rid of it, don’t you think?”

“You’re such a workaholic.” I label you, realizing how lucky I am being allowed to do it: Ginoza, that prude, would have never let it slide “You should leave some for the rest of the precinct: make 'em earn their wages.”

A tired smile crosses your face as you tap your fingers on the keyboard. It’s so clear you’re trying to avoid my glance.

You used to look for it.

You looked for my eyes at briefings, in that discrete way that eventually shocked everyone. You looked for them among alleys, as soon as you heard a gunshot or the chocked sound of a fight.

And when you found me, it felt like a 7 miles free fall.

“How are the legs going?” I dare to ask. I see the hollow structure of your new shins below the hem of your pencil skirt. They swing a bit underneath the glass of your desk. You didn’t lose your damn tic, your right heel shakes like the needle of a sewing machine even when you seem calm.

You shrug and drink the bottom of an already empty glass of water.

I shouldn’t have asked. It breaks my heart, to see you like this.

You don’t give me an answer and massage the back of your knee with a sigh. Lately, I feel like you’re avoiding me.

You’re turning back into the one you were before: uncompromising, cold and distant. I wonder if the bunch of ingrates downstairs have been calling you Dobermann again. I wonder if you’re still as relentless.

You worry me: your stress level is getting darker and darker. You don’t want old Kasei to take issues with you, not again.

I can imagine how you must have felt, the night when this mess happened.

You most likely got pissed, if I do know you.

I mean, did they really think I got away on my own? I bet you never doubted me: no one knows an Enforcer better than its Inspector.

“Runaway?! Have you lost your minds?” Sasayama?!”

Those were the first words you said when they rescued you. You spoke them way before cleansing your lungs from the rotten water of the river, way before asking Masaoka if you’d have ever got back to feeling your lower legs. They hurt like hell and you had to pull them around like sandbags.

“They got him” you panted, holding tight on your mentor’s coat “They took him away, I tell you!” The one that kidnapped him wasn’t a latent criminal. The Dominator didn’t activate, not even when they shot me. Please, believe me. Check on the log files, please.”

Crime coefficient: 0.

I know that bug still haunts you.

Cause, after all, it’s can’t be anything else: who on earth is that Makishima to fly under the Sibyl Sistem’s radar? Who can fool a network that knows your crimes before you do? And how is it possible that the silhouette that kneecapped you and threw you into a river could possibly be innocent?

You haven’t lost your mind, Inspector: the Dominator betrayed me, too.

Don’t think I don’t know how pitiful must have been, the next three days.

Makishima isn’t real. Forget it, it was just a delirium. You were in shock.

It was the trauma, dear. It was a breakdown. It was burnout syndrome.

You’d use some holiday, darling. Take a week. Take two. Go somewhere far, no, better: just stay at home. Go to therapy. Keep yourself busy, don’t think about it. Work. Also, don’t work: it wears you out!

They put you back on your feet in less than six hours, but nobody allowed you to join search parties. Heaven forbid your stress level getting any darker. Heaven forbid that yet another good Inspector gets demoted among those damn Enforcers. But, still, in the whole IT section, there wasn’t a single nerd that could get that night's logs. That's one funny thing, ain't it?

Woman, sometimes I wish your damn head wasn't that hard. I wish you didn't follow the Forensics to get a lift, so soon after the deed.

At least, you could have listened to Kogami. Shit, didn't you see how pale he was? You didn't even need the Dominator to read him, his stress level was mindblowing!

You should have believed him when he told you you didn't want to enter that alley. First off, it was already full of other detectives and analysts. I have no idea what kind of business you had to do in there. Second thing second, Kogami has an eye for certain matters. Do you think he didn't notice I’ve always been all over you? Not gonna lie, maybe I told him about you, once or twice.

But no, of course, you had to get in.

The software that taught you how to walk on those carbon stilts made you stand your ground and bark a "For fuck's sake, Shinya, move!" worthy of the Dobermann’s reputation. Even those who hadn't been called out made way.

But your new legs didn't hold you, when you saw what they had made of my corpse.

I'm sorry, Katsumi, I never wanted to upset you like that. 

You know how much I would have rather have a more heroic death. I don't know, like, in the middle of a shooting, saving the day. It would have been much classier, less tacky, less trash. I think I deserved it, that's all.

You stop typing and rub your temples. You shelter what’s left of your lipstick behind your hand. I wish I could kiss it off, instead of watching you consume it in a ruby red halo in the notch between your thumb and your index.

You lift your eyes only for Kogami, who’s passing by your office like a nurse in its night shift.

“So?” he asks in a whisper, putting more care in that question than I could have ever done. More than anybody could have ever done, because he’s the only one that gets you, right now. You two seem like the only ones who lost something.

You shake your head slowly, staring at the monitor and the dangerously high Crime Coefficient on the display.

“It's not working” you wail softly, misty-eyed. I can’t believe it, is it still you?

“They’re gonna kick me out anyway, if it doesn’t lower quickly” you continue, with that realism of yours. I used to call you a jinx for that but, at the end of the day, you always got our backs. “It’s for the best if I just resign. I’m gonna keep what's left of my dignity, at least.” 

The dark profile of my best friend looks through me, as he sits on the armchair next to mine. He would like to say something, a word of encouragement maybe, we all know it in this damn room, but numbers shut our mouths. 

“You could become an Enforcer” he proposes.

Goddammit, Shinya, did we work with the same person? Katsumi as an Enforcer?

And there you go, shaking your head. You hold your face in your hands and let your raven hair hide your visage. 

“Can you imagine me, following orders? I do know how to work, I can do it better than three-quarters of our colleagues and I’ve never had problems remarking it. They’d eat me alive if they had the chance. Dogs celebrate on the corpses of lions.”

“But lions remain lions and dogs stay dogs.” Kogami finishes, stealing my lines. 

I notice the slight trembling of your finger, as you tap your touchpad to send that last confirm.

In a few moments, the system will have your resignation registered. Your profile won’t unlock your Dominator anymore and in a few days time, just enough for you to collect your belongings, you won’t even manage to enter the office.

Who’s gonna explain to old Kasei that there's more of your stuff here than in your apartment?

I’d ask you what do you plan on doing with your life, but tonight’s decision seems definitely brave enough to call it a day.

I look at the tabs you open in your browser, they mirror in the windows behind you.

Air travel.

Argentina, Cuba, States, New Zealand, Germany, Kenya. You go around the world in 80 seconds flat, you multiply your chances and spread them all through the air in front of you, in a complex diagram that doesn’t lead anywhere.

I never wanted to take you away from your home, you don’t deserve this. 

You cover your eyes with a hand and use the other one to pick a random selection from your atlas.

Greece.

“Well, at least it’s on the sea.” you wrap up, condensing in a handful of words the only satisfaction you can find in starting a brand new life.

You two stare at the transparent screenshot of your flight, the countdown on the web page seems way too joyful.

“It’s so exciting, Katsumi Matou! Check-in your luggage. Your journey will begin in: 06 days: 17 hours: 34 minutes: 21 seconds”

20.

19.

18.

Seconds pass by, in complete silence.

“Do you think it would be a burden to him?” you ask Shinya, “Do you think he’d understand?”

Who would have guessed that a cynic one like yourself could believe in the afterlife? I wish I were here to ask you. I wish we could have spoken about life, death, sex, about things long gone and things yet to be.

His hand squeezes yours gently, as he looks at you in the eye, hoping to stop the train to Paranoidland from setting off.

“It’s not your fault” he reassures you as he can: the both of you wouldn’t make the average person’s empathy.

But he’s right, though, it really isn’t: I know you’ve done anything you could. It’s always been like that.

“Maybe I owe him” you draft “Even if they don’t believe in Makishima, maybe one day I could have proved he exists.”

The teal of your Psycho-Pass would suit you wonderfully, if it wasn’t a description of your mental health.

What could you possibly do in these conditions? You’d have ended up in a cubicle, filing loss and theft reports. You would have never made it to the dossiers, surely not to those of such a controversial case. Making you end up in a study room would have been my final bullshit. I’m happy with your choice, really. I would have loved visiting Europe someday.

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Kogami rebukes you, externalizing what I’ve been thinking all along: “I’m going to look out for your man: your team has already given way too much. I’m gonna find him, Matou, cold case or not.”

You nod, but it’s clear you don’t believe him. I can read through you, you’re a terrible liar.

I don’t think you don’t trust him, most likely you’ve done the math and figured that working on an independent case is far too difficult for an Inspector, let alone for an Enforcer.

And there it is, my fall. After an exhausting chase, you finally look into my eyes, even though -according to Shinya- you’re most likely staring at the void.

Despite being used to such races, believe me, I’ve missed you.

“I’m just so sorry.” you finally whisper, giving me a bitter smile. 

Try and stop me, Ginoza, tell me once again how inappropriate it is: I don’t mind anymore. I get up and I don’t hesitate while holding you and leaving a kiss on your hair, shamelessly.

“I’m going to grab some coffee” I announce, walking backwards to the door like a shrimp, just to look at my dearest friends a bit longer. “I’d get you one, but I’m short on coins. Maybe next time.”

���See you, Inspector.”, Kogami greets you, leaving alongside me.

“Be good.” you wave back, as we were all to meet again tomorrow.

Walking through the dark alley, I can hear an excerpt from our last conversation through the opaque glass of your office.

“You’re jerk, Sasayama!”

I can hear you laughing out loud, through the crackly recording. You laughed at my gall, with that warm, strong, sweet voice of yours, mocking me. Admit it: mine, after all, were the only compliments that could make you blush.

It’s incredible how we managed to joke even inside a car that was taking us on a crime scene. To an external eye, we might have looked disrespectful. Truth is I’ve always feared death so much I just had to laugh at the reaper.

“Oh, come on, what would it take? Come with me to the Precinct’s New Year’s dinner, the 17th is around the corner!” I kept annoying you, as you were too busy driving to mind my dumb flirt attempts. I still can’t get how we never had an accident. “Be good, Katsumi, give me a joy to live for!”

“You could always ask Shion, you know? You always give her more attention, after all.”

I hear the subtle sound of the wheels stopping, the parking brake cracking and it’s like Ogishima’s outskirts appear before my eyes, in that same January night. That place gave me goosebumps, but I would have hated if you understood it.

“Here we are” you announced, with still a bit of resentment in your voice. You unlocked the passenger’s door and I remember I left your Dominator in the car’s trunk: I didn’t want you to follow me. Not that time.

“You scare me when you pay so much attention” you commented, noticing how serious I got “will you tell me why are you insisting so much to keep on searching? Kogami got the guy. Tomorrow we go, we arrest him and it's thank you, next.”

My answer has been recorded as a distant and muffled noise, but I still can trace it: “He’s not the one, I tell you. I have another suspect, but I need a more solid base. And you’re staying, Inspector.”

“Staying?! You’ve gone crazy!” you laughed, locking the corporate sedan behind you “If something were to happen to you, or worse if you didn’t come back, Kasei would…”

“I said you’re staying: it’s dangerous.”

“Sasayama, our work is dangerous,” you replied, contemptuous, understanding that clearly among the gear I brought I didn’t count yours and going back to the car to get it “One more risk won’t make a difference: if I have to drop dead, it can either be here, at home or god knows where.”

“Will you join me for the precinct’s dinner, though?”

And here is a sequence that the voice recorder surely can’t have grasped, but that I could remember even in a thousand years. You cast an outraged glance over me from above the trunk’s door, panting through a half-smile. You shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ear. And finally, after refusing my invitations since 17th November, during lunch break, you smiled shrugging.

“Deal, come on, just make way” you sighed, as your heels echoed on the wet concrete “Still, you’re a jerk.”

“I recorded it: you have no excu-”

The audio file interrupts.

End of recording.

[bluebirdzykaysies]

5.14 - day before momma leaves

Goddamnit I hate to admit it but I’m already thinking and crying like a baby in my head once my mom leaves me to go back home to sf. the feeling is mutual like melissa said cause she’ll probably be just as a wreck and all this time I’ve been spending with her, I’m cherishing even more. I’ve never felt like this and Victoria said the same thing; expecting that while I transition. But everyone needs to experience this. I DO, especially. I need the time away for a bit to miss them and I already miss those interactions with my brothers too of just lounging in the living room watching NBA games all night, or youtube videos like its judyslife or ustheduo.

Our lives have changed already and itll be so hard as I am bawling my eyes out, sitting in my newly mounted dining table my mom and I put together, facing outwards my window with the Chicago sun, beaming through at a whopping 54 degrees.

This is my life now, I will be on my own and making decisions on my own. Ive told a few folks that I’m sad yet annoyed my moms time here was a bit much. But I know it was perfect for what it is. We’ve been tired each and everytime, her actions speak volumes and our conversations arent as deep as I want, but I know this quality time was one that will impact my life forever. Even though I hate to admit it or will say this to her face. i love my mom. so much, she means so much to me and my brothers. The amount of things she does unselfishly aka drive my freaking car with just her and hector for 5 days cross country. do what she did to make me help settle, there is no one like her. and I will forever appreciate her and love her.

She is opinionated and still felt like I couldnt decide for myself but this will be also a time where I speak up and use my voice. Saying NO.

ugh the tears keep falling down but some highlights from this past week were:

- Silly vlog videos that I actually may put together when I get the time

- 5/6; arrived - went to container store to buy my elfa shelving for my closet. Super nice lady that worked there Hector spoke to. Went to world market to check out their furniture and standing mirrors. TJ Maxx/HomeGoods and picked up some bathroom essentials, shower curtain, mats and beddings, Facetimed Yan/Ronz/Brent+Rick at night (10pm CST) 

Mom stayed with Hector at Courtyard Marriot til Saturday 5/8. So I wanted to stay at the apartment for the first time alone and enjoy the moment and soak it all in. Parking at my garage alone, randomly waking up to the SUNRISE at 545am and just being in awe of my new city... I could just cry

Didn’t get my wifi set up yet so the struggle was real a bit. The air mattress we got from costco has been tough to sleep on but eventually Ill get my mattress. Just have been torn with my furniture not being here since everything was rushed and happened so quickly. Learnings from the move thus far:

-Write a damn list, I DID NOT. Aka thats why a bunch of junk and unnecessary things were with my mom and hector in the car. All couldve been bought here. I ocouldve taken more clothes and shoes

-Alot of my clothes aka my favorite jean jacket and pink/mauve henley was left at home. My running shoes - I decided not to prioritize idk fucking why *rolls eyes* and alot of my other valuables. Brendan is nice enough to ship it. Its not worth to buy a RT flight and go there and take it all back with me... no. :( I would though tbh if I was in LA. lol make couple trips but I’m far enough that its like.... whewww is it worth but one day I will come back and visit. For now, its slated for Oct

5/7 Friday; I had it off started the day late at 12pm and booked my mom, hector and myself tickets to the skydeck. my mom was HILARIOUS, she was scared at first and thought it would be a huge platform to see under but once she saw its just a small piece of glass over 105 floors, it wasnt THAT bad. Her and hector are hilarious together and annoying a little LOL. but I guess they’re cute

Went to Wrigley Field while there was a game and that was an experience. Fans at the top of their houses, Security all over the block, streets closed, fans everywhere. Its such a historical building in the middle of a freaking neighborhood so it made itself unique vs att/oracle park being so secluded down in mission bay.

RPM Steak for dinner in River North. Valet’d the car and Hector treated us to a Missouri Steak? it was bomb though but I wanted Medium and he wanted medium rare... cream of spinach, mac and cheese, asparagus and for dessert topped with a Baked Alaskan. Whatever that is. (It was good) and my first time trying it.. me and mom. Our waitor was a nice lady in her 30s, gave me tori kelly vibes. Then another worker stopped by our table who looked filipino for sure (Rox’s ex Dennis look a like) but I already for got his name. He told us how he lived in West Town too and would eat at this bomb restaurant called “Uncle Mikes” maybe the ‘superstar’ of chicago :) hectors jokes were a bit much saying climbing up the coconut tree and asking if he can make halo halo in the back for dessert. No sir....

5/8 Saturday; Plan was to visit Macys downtown to check out furniture at around 930am. But they werent open til 11am. We checked out the Bean at Millenium Park and my mom got to see all the tulips and flowers. We waited in line for a while at Stans Donuts since Wildberry was just too WILD and packed, so we walked a block down and had ourselves some coffee and donuts for the day. After we headed to Macys and were greeted by a tall man name Hilary. he’s THEEE BEST. he knew we didnt have to buy anything from him at macys but he’s such a sales guy and has been in this business for so long that he kept tlaking about Quality of furniture and making yourself feel comfy and at home. Being in a small apt, or living out alone for the first time, separating each section once winter hits so you’re not bored out of your mind in the small place. He was so friendly and nice, I took his business card. Went to Ashley’s on the way to the airport and got gas. Feel in love with the small dinette table they had but the one I’m sitting on now I feel like is just perfect. Soletren couch will forever be out of stock and I will never let this go :( honestly dont know how itll fit in my door but i guess i will settle for something reasonable and decent in size

IVE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY. . . . . . . I cant even. I got paid today so todays check will be sponsoring all of my credit card funds. Gna just pay it off in full so I dont have to deal with it. But going forward a budget will be set. and luckily some of the things I bought work can reimburse so I’ll do expenses sunday perhaps.

Saturday evening after dropping off hector, we did errands in the suburbs and went to a walmart. a bit ghetto lookin but its fine. Decided to go to costco after but had an incidentn with this white man who bumped my car and didnt apologize. I was going to say something but we’re so far out in the suburbs Idk what the hell he wouldve done to me. And if they’re racist out there. took the long way home and it was prob not through the safest neighbor hoods but my mom didnt have to know since traffic on the freeway was just ALOT. omg and the roads are just so bumpy, my poor car. Becca said she has a guy at a shop her family always goes to so hopefuully I wont need him but just nice to know the option is there.

Went to the costco up by roscoe village and bought food and more essentials like medicine i have a whole pharmacy.  again throughout all this, my mom is the MVP. I wouldve been like, Ill go get it when I need it vs mom stocking up beforehand. We ended up setting my living room with a japanese style seating using my elfa shelving as the table and a towel over it. Leftovers from RPM for dinner and ribs/salad from costco. (I keep eating, and we’re not walking alot so....... I’m def gaining wait and will need to lose this asap)

I’ll be back more to cover this past week; mothers day, ikea, seafood city, hanging with becca, azul mariscos, drunk at ross and dollar tree, pants falling (mom) unbuttoned pants cuz we’re so ‘stuffffffed’ hanging with the boys via facetime cause I do miss them :( I need to havea schedule with them.

kk toodles. time to go back to work. no more crying (maybe) then an architecture tour with my mom <3 and dinner at a steakhouse at MJ’s on Michigan Ave BYeeeee

[its-me-im-coraline]

Joaquín DeSantos | A girl like you.

Count of words: 1423

Warnings: none

A/N: not sure if Joaquin has a sister but I just had to include that lol!!! Sorry it took me so long! I finally got the chance to upload something ♥ Also will do a part two if requested.

MASTERLIST

PROMPTS

AND REQUESTS HERE

if you’re still taking requests could you possibly do a Joaquín DeSantos (riverdale) imagine/ oneshot where the reader is new in town but her parents know the main characters parents, and she’s kind of a rebel/ grungy/ reckless kid and always in trouble with her parents. Maybe one night she walks out and she accidentally walks on serpent territory(maybe the club?) idk about a plot haha :)

The cold air was vigorously messing your hair, while you were sitting on that uncomfortable car sit with your family. It was a warm summer night, meaning the traffic would be less. You were holding a phone on your one hand, the cord connected to it traveling all the way to your ears, where your ear plugs rested. Your other hand was used for your head to rest on, while admiring the view outside the moving car. “So wen I call you in the middle of the night and I’m chocking on the words cause I miss you, baby, don’t tell me I’m out of time, I’ve got so much of my loving to give you. In the middle of the night,” you softly hummed the lyrics to the song playing at the moment. It was, reportively, the middle of the night, but the only thing you missed was currently your bed (a/n my mood all the time).

“Welcome to Riverdale. The town with prep! ” What a stupid sign to put on a town’s edge?! I mean, especially now after the death of Jason Blossom, or whatever his name was, it was even stupider. ‘Whatever,’ you thought and continued to bob your head to the sound of the music coming from your earphones. Your parents were once again engaged in a conversation that they didn’t care enough to include you in.  

‘But honey, she will have to change her style. Alice’s daughter is sure going to get her to the right road.’ ‘I know, but, what if she comes across the, um, serpents?’ Your mother questioned, saying the last part silently, as if it would poison her if she did so louder. ‘Hush! She won’t. Betty is a very good influence. She is even hanging out with that Andrews boy. He is invested in music. He could be a great company for our daughter.’ Your father replied, never taking his eyes off the road up ahead. “You know, if you are to talk about my love life, at least include me in the conversation!” You exclaimed after forcefully removing your earphones. “We weren’t talking about your love life. You shouldn’t even have a love life at your age, young lady,” said your father, trying to cover up what he was previously talking about. “We were just talking about how you will obviously get along with our friends’ kids, darling.”

And here you were, standing in front of your new house. It was not big, but it was, by no means, small either. You walked in, immediately choosing your bedroom, that being the room that was in the attic. It was fairly big for just you, but it was quiet and you found it beautiful as well. So, you started bringing the boxes with your belongings in there and afterwards placing everything where you wanted it to be.

“Hurry up, Y/N! The Coopers are waiting for us.” Your mum called from down stairs as you were getting ready. You hurriedly put on your black heels and walked down the stairs to where your parents were. “No, no, no, no, no. You are not wearing this, young lady!” Your father strictly said. It wasn’t that it was revealing. It was just a simple, off-the-shoulder, black dress, falling down to your knees and engulfing your body perfectly. It was just that it was…black. Your parents were actually fans of color, your mum wearing a pink dress while your father was wearing a blue suit. “Honey, we have no time. Alice called and said that everyone is just waiting for us.” “Alright, I’ll let it pass this time.” Your father said, angrily walking out the door and towards his car.

“Y/N, this is Betty and that is Polly, my daughters,” Said the woman you now recognized as Alice Cooper. The smile on her face being as fake as your golden earrings; they were made of plastic. You performed a handshake with both girls as the woman introduced you to the rest of the guests of this gathering. You met Archie, a red head, that although was cute, had his brains over his head. Then you met Veronica, a very pretty raven girl, wealthy enough to buy five houses like yours. And last but not least, you met Kevin, the friendly neighborhood gay kid. They seemed nice, really, it’s just that they weren’t exactly the people you would call your friends. “I really like your phone case,” said Kevin, admiring the design that refers to one of your favorite bands. “Yes, I like it, too. That’s why I have it on my phone,” you said, not sounding so friendly. “Y/N, behave.” Said your father, silently.

“Oh, thank you so much for inviting us over Alice. The dinner was fantastic. Next time is on our house.” “Oh, no need, Y/M/N (your mother’s name). It was wonderful seeing you again after so many years. We should hang out now that you are here,” she said. “Don’t do it!” You mumbled under your breath, but your mother caught up to what you said and elbowed you softly. “See you around Alice!” “See you around, Y/M/N.” Said the blonde and closed the door.

It had been a couple of days since you had moved to Riverdale and to say that you hated every miserable moment of it was an understatement. It wasn’t that the town was that bad, quite the opposite, you actually liked it a tiny little bit; mostly due to that wonderful diner with the amazing milkshakes and curly fries. It was actually the fact that there was no one like you anywhere to be seen. Everyone seemed to be ‘too nice’, if that was a correct way to put it. They were all just normal and boring and all going according to their parent’s rules or something like it. You wanted adventure, you wanted something darker, more dangerous; more exciting, and what better time to go find that excitement but in the middle of the night when your parents weren’t supervising you.

You were walking around town for a while now, avoiding going towards, what you knew was, the Sweetwater River, the place that Jason Blossom disappeared from and then found dead in. Instead, you went towards a side of town no one told you about. You didn’t know how you ended up there but you found yourself outside a bar with the name of Whyte Wyrm. You walked in, not being fully prepared of what was to happen.

Hungry looks were constantly sent your way, mostly by old men drinking some kind of horrible beer and reeking of alcohol. Instead of paying attention to them your eyes fell on a young man, somewhere near your age with slightly long hair and vibrant blue eyes. He looked quite attractive from where you were standing but you didn’t dare to near him, yet. You chose to move towards the counter and order something to drink, the nice bartender being happy to serve you.

“Didn’t your parents teach you not to near the wrong side of town,” said a voice that you could identify as a young man, around his twenty’s, probably younger. “My parents don’t even care enough to include me in a conversation about my love life. What do you think they did?” You said, spinning around only to be met by the guy you saw when walking in. “I haven’t seen you around here before. You must be new,” he said. “I’m Joaquin,” he said, extending his arm for a handshake. “Y/N,” you said giving in and shaking his hand. “I must admit, I am indeed pleased to meet you, but I don’t think this is a place for a girl like you.” He said motioning for the bartender to bring him a drink, to which she replied with a nod and hurriedly bringing him a glass filled with some alcoholic beverage you couldn’t identify. “Well, what does a girl like me have that doesn’t belong here?” You questioned, curious as to what the young man meant. “Beauty and somewhat innocence. You look like a pray to all those disrespectful man around here. They all seem to only want to get in your pants.” You chuckled a little bit at the last sentence, already picking the words for your smart reply. “How do I know you don’t want to get in my pants as well, Joaquin?” You asked, putting the boy in thought. “Well, you don’t. But I assure you I don’t. I have a younger sister, I know a thing or two about respecting women.” “Well that’s good to know.”

[sanddancingwithanxiety]

Updates

So I got that full time job (starting Jan 9th) so it will be only twice a week most weeks, and sometimes I will have odd hours so maybe 3 or 4 some weeks.

After riding the school pony twice I decided that he was going to give me terrrrible position habits so I said fuck it, I’ll just hop back on arthur for some very short lunges focussed on straight sides or oval shaped circles. The main reason I’d been avoiding that was more because I get worried about him hitting the lunge line and falling out with the quarters and totally facing the lunger and trotting sideways to the left. But I am well aware I need to stop being a pussy ass biatch so time to bite the bullet on that one, since all the x rays showed very healthy joints for his age, but I’ll limit it anyway or else RIP in peace @ my wallet.

So some random thoughts about my nerves ‘n shiz:

Like all of it is attached to whatever horse I’m on’s emotions and basically nervous as soon as their ears go back because I take it really personally and straight away assume it’s something I’ve done and idk? As soon as the ears are back I’m too worried to use my leg or do anything (and of course as soon as I watch it back on video I’m sitting there going GRR you whimp just do it, but this isn’t rational sooooo???). I can’t even remember if he used to put his ears back or anything but it was just as soon as he was so antagonistic and would properly fight me so hard on everything that I stopped trusting him, my abilities, blah blah. Like IF he used to do it, idk, I’d tell him off and he’d stop. And I trusted that he’d stop, and I trusted that my aids would be correct enough that he’d respond and just… blegh. Now I’m just in a permanent state of conflict avoidance lol. So anyway, I don’t reaaally know where to go. Go to a regular psych and handle it like a PTSD thing (since I know which particular grey mare this shit stems from), but I’m so over talking to non horsey people about this shit. The sports psychology thing did nothing for me for the same reason. Blegh. It’s just frustrating how much it overrides my life. If I were confident enough to ride him by myself, I could move him this side of the river and skip the hour in traffic and go somewhere with lights and just float him up for lessons on the weekend and actually be able to ride 6 days a week. And then I have had to pay Justin to rehab him, like just walk up and down the driveway the first week, so I’m out of pocket from that. And it’s got me stuck in the double cos he’s grumpier in the wrong outline and he goes into the right outline in the double, cos I’m not brave enough to kick his butt when necessary in the snaffle. And generally this shit just sends me around in circles cos i feel more negative and doubtful of myself after thinking about it so *shrug emoji*. On one hand I’m like 'hey, I wouldn’t want to not be accountable for my actions like if I was actually the cause of the issue cos i put my leg in the wrong spot or cos you’re sore or something’ but then the line is totally blurred and I can’t separate when I’m justified in backing off cos he’s angry and when I’m not and need to reinforce a boundary. I just feel so stuck, Idk how to trust him again. And like this is clearly my issue, Like I can trust any horse until they show me that they’re willing to fight back and I just forever stop pushing the point. It’s why I’m fine to whack around the school pony and then look at other riders with significantly less experience and talent than me ride through a horse pinning their ears against their head, and knowing that they will likely get further than me because of it, and feeling that sense of worry at the pit of my stomach just watching it? Sigh. Anyway. Idk what to do on that front. Advice I appreciate I suppose if anyone has had this and moved on. And again, I know how I’ve been pushed through it and out of my comfort zone before, with Graham making me more scared of him than I was of the horse and just redirecting my fear, but that’s not Justin. And it’s not really solving the issue. And it’s not like I can really rationalise not worrying about it cos statistically it is the most dangerous sport and I’m scared of significantly less dangerous things (cough heights cough swimming cough snakes).

Anyway. Idk :))))

[albanuvo]

Accident

Based on real events that happened on Oct.6th 2017

Like every weekday now, the alarm goes off 6 am. I run to the bathroom to put toothpaste on Ayden’s toothbrush and go into the kitchen to heat up his one waffle. I have an odd feeling but I chuck it to not sleeping well. Ayden spent the night coughing. Fast forward to 7:30 am, the alarm goes off for us to leave the house and I get that weird feeling again. I grab Ayden’s hand tight as we cross the road. I have this feeling of protecting him. I find myself doing it all morning. I didn’t pay it any mind as I usually have days when I’m more emotional and once again chucked up my maternal helicopter parenting on that itself. We fed the Canadian geese and Sea Gulls, the sun was out and it was a beautiful morning. We finished to then head to the Welsh Pantry for our shared ham and cheese toasty.Once again my grip on Ayden as we crossed the intersection quickly. Its time, We enter the gate so that the kids can head to their classrooms, all the children roll around in their scooters and walking in with their parents. The parents tired looking but with the sense of relief to give up their responsibility for just a couple hours. They love them, of that I’m sure but a moment for yourself isn’t selfish.It is much needed. As we continue to walk, in only a few feet in front of me a little boy scoots by so fast and somehow falls nearly facedown off his scooter, the poor little boy cries as his mother leaves her conversation with other mothers to aid her son. He brushes his blond hair off his red tear filled eyes being restricted to his helmet. Thank god he was wearing that helmet. Ayden says oooo that must have hurt and I feel sorry for the child. He was ok. All these kids have scooters, I’d say more than 87%. I walk Ayden in through the gate and the classroom door opens and in he goes. I love you…kiss…hug …It still hurts but easier to let go day by day.

I’ve been running around all day, I get off the bus with that feeling still bugging me but I remember I have to call the clinic to book Ayden an appointment, they tell me I don’t need an appointment as long as he gets there before 5:30. I message Alex to let him know and he says funny enough he had already called, forgetting after a certain time they do walk-ins. Got home took a shower, groceries came at 10:06 am than 11-12 when it was scheduled for, whatever.

1:06 Alex calls me to let me know that he can pick us up from the school and if I could grab him some food from Morleys. I agree and I am relieved I don’t have to run home to get ready for work at 5 pm.  Guess the routine will be changing up. 1:30 pm The alarm is going off time to leave to the bus stop. That feeling is back again. Maybe I’m just tired. Hello again to the same bus driver. The bus taking me calls off every stop and I can’t shake off that feeling but I try to focus on other things like how warm the sun is.  

Then we arrive at my stop, Hampton Court Bridge. I walk off the bus an sit right at the first bench. it was cool and the water moved rapidly but also calmly. I spot a man, perhaps Jamaican with his 2 sons. One in the stroller the other about 3 or 4. I was nervous about seeing them so close to the edge but I figured they fed the geese too and the water wasn’t deep on the edge. Another thought popped into my mind.  If the child fell in who would jump in, I cant swim! does the father know how to? I cant tell you why I think these thoughts so frequently but when I do I promise something ends up happening that day. He finishes admiring the river with his son, he starts to pull the stroller backward back up towards the ramp bumping over a bunch of tiny rocks and plant life on the trail. The older boy runs back up the trail as the father in another language I couldn’t understand calls back to him, saying, Papa, something …Idk but somehow I knew he said papa is leaving, bye son. Its what we do to get our kids to come and go with us, scare them into thinking we are leaving them behind. Seems cruel doesn’t it, not really tho, not many of us would be willing to leave our children alone or behind. Those who truly love would never do that. The man sees me and says good day to me as he continues to pull the stroller out and up the ramp passing me, the youngest is such a cutie too. Another bus stops behind me from another company, a woman calls out to me and I recognize her, she’s the grandma from one of the beautiful lil girls from another class. She says hi to me and tells me that the bus we waited for came after I left a couple days ago. Waited for an hour and 2 busses never showed up. We chatted for a bit and she left while still looking back at me several times. I’m alone again, just the traffic behind me on the road and in front, the waves of the river and I’m starting to feel cold. I don’t want to leave yet and my mind starts to wander as I stand up and stare at the river from the ramp. Why am I here on this earth? What is my purpose?  I kid you not that’s exactly what I was thinking, money, career, marriage. All the things we think about while being alone and inside our own heads. I had that feeling and I couldn’t tell why. Was I depressed, Is my monthly curse to come playing up with my emotions or sensitivity? Idk something isn’t right. 2:20 its time to start walking… I get to the area but continue to walk up avoiding the first entrance and going thru another entrance further down. I sit across the street from the school, something I never do. I like to be the first at the gate but this time I sat.My phone rings, caller Id says, Amy. Hi, are you by the school?  I’m going to be late there’s this big accident and I’m only like 5-10 late could you pick up Miya? no worries and sure, make sure you let them know some fat black woman with short black hair is coming to get her lol we both laugh and she says I will call to let them know. We agree to meet up near hers. See I’ve never picked up his cousin from school before. Something once again I’ve never done. Dare I say out of routine. As it was 2:40 I walked into the hall that leads us to the gate noticed 3 women and a baby in a stroller in the front by the gate and an older man behind them. making me 3rd in line for my baby. It’s 2:50 can someone please open the gate now? finally, she pushes the gate. We all go into line up by the doors to get our kids. I speak to other mothers about their day and their younger ones while I wait for Ayden. Then the doors open. I wish the ladies a good weekend. I tell Ayden lets go get Miya and then we will head to Morleys to get daddy his food. We approach the class and the teacher at the door immediately says are you here for Miya, I smile and say yes and Ayden yells MIYA!!! I say thank you and tell them to hold hands. We start to walk towards Morleys. Once again that weird feeling kicks in so I say “Ok kids, hold hands and let’s go and don’t let go of each other. The long line of kids and parents and children on scooters seemed endless. “Miya, did you bring your scooter?” She says “No we came with the buggy today” “  I say to her “great so let’s go then”.  As we approach the road I then tell them to get on either side of me and hold my hand until we cross. They comply but are excited about being with each other.  We are about to cross another road at this point they both are holding hands again so instead of breaking them up I reach for their connecting hands to cross the road. We walk to Morleys. They sat down as I proceeded to make the order. They played as another woman with her baby and small daughter smile while looking at them and asks me if they are both in reception. I say no Only 1, she looked on as if trying to understand something she is thinking in her mind. I know what she is thinking, not psychic but the obvious, see Ayden and his cousin look like they can be siblings, same height, and very similar characteristics. the only difference is that her hair is blond. I say to the women “They do look like siblings but in actuality They’re cousins” Her expression changed as if her question had been answered and we both smiled. She continued to admire them as they played. How could she not they both look so adorable together when they play. I watch out the glass door as I see her mother approaching with her lil brother in arms, her face in relief in gratitude.  “Thank you for picking her up for me,” she says “No worries” And as I wait for the chicken burger meal We keep talking about the kids, discussing playdate, Halloween parties, and just usual mommy stuff. Finally its done!! it’s time to go and so we walk on thru the supermarket and are talking when an older women appearsbehind me, looked like a gypsy you see in a scary film, She was pushing her little cart into the other trollies. she was wearing a scarf and \i could see a long skirt coming through her long brownish sweater, I guess I was in her way. I apologized and moved forward she smiled. I thought in my head about the movies you see about when they feel done wrong how they curse you.I know silly & SO STEREOTYPICAL but we were talking about Halloween and she spooked me as I didn’t see or hear her walk up behind me. I cut the convo short and said let’s text the plans as I have to go to work so home to get dressed etc. Since that sandwich took ages Ayden and I took to speed walking, all the while he complained of leg pains, I said to him “We are meeting up with daddy, We won’t walk.” he was adamant that he should then run. I said no! if your legs hurt just walk but try to go fast cuz I need to go home to get dressed. As we walked I grabbed a few leaves. I found this huge one I thought was awesome. We got to the car I hand Alex his food and buckle Ayden in. Let’s go! We are driving for a bit and notice a bit of traffic. its school, time of course. Kids and parents everywhere but not as bad as I had been at Morleys for enough time for the majority to disperse. We are driving down the road, it’s warm as the sun beams right into our eyes, down come the visors. Alex then say’s “ OMg there was this huge accident on the way here” I interrupt with “Yeah that must be the same accident as to why Amy was late to get Miya” Not even half a second after Miya rolled off my tongue …On the opposite side of the road a child speeds off the sidewalk into traffic, We hear what sounded like a million voices screaming a bus comes to a hard halt everything stops for a split second like a pause in a movie , in a blink of the eye everything happens simultaneously I watch Alex raise his hands to his heads , I watch as a mother screams hysterically as many ran towards her side, she drops to the floor…her screams echoed thru the cars  as others run towards the bus, people come running out their cars the bus drivers face in terror as he runs out of the bus and towards the back. Alex exclaims I didn’t just see that, god no I didn’t see that boy get hit! Is he under the bus OMG. I was in shock not being able to move or say anything I held my hand to my face, saying no no no what happened. I couldn’t see too much now as the commotion was behind the bus. I wanted to come out the car but Alex stopped me. He said “I know how emotional you are, if he is bad you cant see that. You cant go to work with that image in your head, he is being helped and it won’t help to crowd them. they will need space. “ you cant get out the car.” I wanted to so bad, something kept nagging at me. I listened to my husband disappointed at myself a bit. Traffic was at a standstill until a woman started directing it. cars came past us the car in front of us belonged to a lady and man who ran out, neighbors came running out to see the commotion. the lady took her car and parked it in reverse to the park and slowly we crept up to go by. I needed to see… I had to, I NEEDED TO KNOW IF HE WAS ALIVE. As we drove by, my husband said don’t look but I couldn’t listen again I looked, I saw him laying in the grass wrapped up in what looked like a fleece as the mother cried and others surrounded him. He was moving! Alive! As we kept going my husband was trying to keep calm as he drove. He saw more due to his angle but all I could think was, We just mentioned about the accident before 2 times before it just happened in front of us AN ACCIDENT Ayden was in the back seat so he didn’t see anything but what he did do was hear the poor woman’s screams. Screams that I kept hearing and thinking to myself it was a small child, I’m a mother! I would lose it if something happened to my child. We start to talk about how seconds before it happened a car stopped them from continuing on their journey as it turned into the estate and left them waiting to cross. We recalled seeing the mother looking into her stroller at the baby with another woman before it all happened so quickly. meanwhile, I could feel my body shaking but not visibly, it was from the inside. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that inside vibration before, was that actual shock? Forget how I feel imagine how that mother was feeling, that poor child, the bus driver. he did nothing wrong, wasn’t speeding. The child came out of nowhere onto the road. All I could hear was her screams.

We arrive home and I feel weak, I get inside the house and start to get dressed as Alex locked himself in the bathroom. I continued to feel like I was shaking. How was I going to work like this? keep calm…keep calm …relax…but the screams. Alex didn’t want to drive. but nonetheless, he drove me to work stressing about the fact that he wanted to take Ayden to the clinic to get checked due to his cough and phlegm from being sick since the second day of school. We arrive at my job, I get out Ayden has fallen asleep in the back seat, I open the door to kiss him and I kiss Alex before I go inside.  I don’t feel comfortable being here, I think to myself. I walk through the store giving fake smiles while inside I was shaking and wanted to cry but I kept my composure. My friend at work noticed something wrong. I told him what happened and he did his very best to keep me from thinking about it. I tried to even laugh and make jokes to drown out the screams when he went on break, the screams came back. I couldn’t concentrate. 

It’s 8:30 pm time for my 15 min break and I see I have a missed call. No one really calls me so I immediately assume its, my husband, as it says NO CALLER ID It happens sometimes…It was him an then he tells me what happened…. The Surrey police put out a tweet for witnesses to come forward with information. He felt he wanted and needed to help so he called. he found out that the boy was 4 years old (Damn same age as my son) We saw him go so fast due to him being on a scooter! He was Alive (thank god) but that the damage was to the legs, we didn’t know how extensive the injuries were but a relief came over me knowing he was going to be ok. almost like something left my body. I was sad to hear he was hurt but happy to know he made it. I’m glad my husband did the right thing in providing what information he could. I thought to myself … I hope there is an update soon, via news or something.

After all this, I can’t help but think the many series of events that led to this happening. The times I worried about the kids on scooters, the traffic, then mentioning of the word “accident” 3 times before it happened in front of us. the fact that the very next day on Saturday, Oct 7, 11 people are injured in a “car crash” near the London museum, which they say is not terrorism-related. Why does the word “ACCIDENT” keep popping up?

[canaryatlaw]

So today was interesting. Overall better than the rest of this week, though I probably couldn't point you to any specific factors there. I guess I just mentally felt better so things followed that. Morning was a bit of a lol, my alarm goes off at 7, I turn it off and pick up my phone, then close my eyes for a few seconds. When I open my eyes, my phone now reads 7:40. What the fuck??? Like okay, it wouldn't be the first time I've over slept an alarm, but doing it just like that was weird. Thankfully it left me just enough time to get to work mostly on time if I ubered instead of took public transit, so I did a mostly normal morning routine and then ubered to work, getting there at 9:05 so that's enough for me to call it a win, if an accidental one. So for the morning I did some of my paperwork setting up the timeline from the other day, and about mid-morning I think I popped over to see if our tech guy was in and he was, so I let him know that I still couldn't get the prison calls to play on my computer which I felt bad about because they'd already like, switched out a computer and everything to make this work haha. But he was like nah it's cool, imma call my supervisor and we'll take care of this. And a little while later they came and did something (while I sat on the chair on the other side of my desk and scrolled through Facebook on my phone) and pretty soon they had it up and working. Okay, I forget if I provided any context for this when I first mentioned them, but I don't think I did so I'll give some here. To my understanding, we have recordings of prison phone calls from a man and the mother of his daughter, who is in DCFS custody. I'm not totally sure here, but I think he might've been in prison for some sort of child abuse (I don't think it was sexual, probably aggravated battery to a child). But basically they want to argue in court that mom is gonna get back together with dad when he gets out which would put their daughter in danger and they shouldn't regain custody, so the attorney wanted me to go through the phone calls between the two of them to see if there was any talk about getting back together or anything about their daughter specifically, them trying to get her back. So I set off with 530 audio recordings, most of them listed under "time limit exceeded" for reason of termination, which means they were 30 minutes long. WOAHBOY. So the first few I listened to were in the early days of his prison sentence and they had lots of good stuff for me to write down, but they started getting more monotonous so I like, checked my email and did some other random shit while still listening (I didn't read any fic, because I knew if I did that I probably wouldn't N able to focus on the calls). Soon enough I switch over to the more recent calls (so switch from August 2016 to March 2017) and suddenly there's a much different tone. The first one had them arguing over the fact that he said he'd call her right at 8:45 and he called her at 8:46, which I was laughing at pretty hard. Fun little prison break reference here, but the prison is called "Big Muddy River Correctional Center" located in Illinois, which of course isn't too far off from "Fox River Correctional Center (or facility?)" also fictionally in Illinois. So that made me smirk a little. So I kept listening, and then they decided to have phone sex, and I was very thankful for the fast forward button because having to listen to that I'm pretty sure is a violation of my 8th amendment constitutional right against cruel and unusual punishment. Lol. But for the most of the afternoon I just let the conversations play (I had headphones in so they weren't being broadcasted to the whole office) and noted when they said something relevant. For the record, they didn't need to talk about getting back together because OH, THEY'RE TOGETHER, and there was plenty of mentions of "getting their daughter back" (smh). So then I was just left to marvel at the strange range of tasks my job has me carrying out, lol. But anyway. My physical therapy options were pretty limited this week since I could only come after work and my normal guy is in Europe, and despite being there yesterday the only other appointment I could get this week was for tonight at 6, and of course I get off of work at 5. I figured if I ubered though I could probably make it with enough time to run to my apartment and get changed from my suit into physical therapy appropriate clothing, lol, however, my uber driver didn't take the best route and we got caught in traffic and I didn't end up getting to PT until 6:20 and I was such not a happy camper because if you pay attention on here at all, you know being late is my biggest pet peeve possible. It was okay though, it was just a little shorter of a session. Not a big deal. Now we just know 6 pm appointments are a no-go, lol. The girl I worked with was fine, I like my regular guy so I was kind of meh about working with other people but she was nice enough and she did a pretty good job, so that's good. When I finished there I walked back home and ate some dinner- I forget if I ever discussed my weird eating issue I've developed lately on here so I'm just gonna talk about it now. For weeks now, no matter what my big weekend meal I use for leftovers throughout the week is, when it comes to eating those leftovers it feels like I have to shove the food into my mouth. And then I get stuck in the whole quandary of "oh well I should eat it anyway because it's healthy" ("healthy") and no, don't force yourself to eat something you don't want to, but obviously a ton of meals I make have been going to waste because of this and I have no idea what to do about it. This week I was gonna try to really test it because I did my creamy Parmesan chicken pasta (I definitely mentioned that on here recently, but I don't remember the rest of the context) which is like phenomenal and I'd see if I had an issue with that, and yupp, when it came down to eating the chicken it felt like shoving concrete in my mouth. This is a totally new and out of nowhere development?? Like this has never been an issue before. And it's not just chicken, because I've tried other meats and it's the same thing (I can have like, two slices of turkey on a mini sandwich, but that's really nothing). And I just don't know what to do about this because I feel like I started the whole weekend meal thing because I wanted to make sure I was getting enough protein in my diet, because I wasn't really eating meat unless I was intentional about it. But I mean, I have been making eggs very often since getting my rapid egg cooker off amazon (seriously, I'm in love with this thing, it does them perfectly every time) and I also eat yogurt very frequently which are both good sources of protein so maybe not? Idk why but I have this idea in my head that protein = healthy which is true in some instances but not when my mind wants to apply it to like, a McDonald's hamburger because that's what it tries to do. I did just remember though when I was reading the info about acid reflux on my new doctors website he had one of the trigger food listed as "high protein foods" which I thought was weird that that would cause a reaction, and I hadn't noticed one.....but maybe now I have? It's obviously a different reaction but hey, if the latest theories are true my acid reflux has been fucking up pretty much all my systems with random ass symptoms like furious coughing, not being able to breathe while running, and of course not being able to eat anything that hits the mild salsa level of spice (that's not an exaggeration, that's legit how I describe it sometimes or people just don't understand when I say I can't have just "spicy" foods, like it's much worse than that) so who fucking knows if this is a result of it too. It just makes me anxious about my other eating issues that I purposely have never talked about openly on this blog for a lot of personal reasons that I just don't want to be out there for the whole world to see quite yet. It's just....concerning. Sigh. I need to move on. I ate dinner and listened to the flash podcast for a little bit because I was very into the episode, before turning on Riverdale about 20 minutes into it (thanks TiVo). I vaguely remembered it was the season finale so it should get some good drama. And there was some good drama, for sure. But damn, I gotta say, I feel so damn sorry for Cheryl Blossom. I mean the girl just lost literally half of her family and found out her entire family's business was a criminal sham. Like I feel like having her go out into the frozen lake was maybe one of the only times I've seen in tv where a character resorting to attempting suicide in reaction to an event actually felt genuine and not contrived. But goddammit Archie, just let someone else help you punch through the ice ffs because there was a LOT of blood in that last shot before the ice broke and boy you probably hurt yourself real bad there. As far as the other plot stuff, I was irritated of course by the inaccurate portrayal of the child welfare system getting involved in Jughead's life. First of all, he's in a safe fictive kin placement right now, even if it's unofficial fictive kin don't have to be licensed. Fred Andrews having a single DUI on his record would not disqualify him from fostering children. He also cited money, but now that the state is involved he would get a stipend for Jughead that would take care of the money issue. Second of all, they don't take kids into care when they have another perfectly capable parent who's just in another state and "overextended." What is that word even supposed to mean? To me it feels like it could only really boil down to finances, and there are legit laws in every state saying you can't take a kid into care just because his family his poor. They even have these cool things called Norman funds to assist families in those positions. So in conclusion, if this were real life, Jughead would either stay with Archie or go to live with his mom and jellybean (which is the cutest nickname ever). I don't know why I still care though, because it's not like there is ever an accurate depiction of the child welfare system on tv or other sorts of media. And that's an issue because it perpetuates ideas like "don't call CPS, they'll just make it worse" which is how kids end up staying in abusive homes and KIDS END UP DEAD. So this is an actual problem, believe me. Sigh. The one other note of feedback I will give is I do like Archie and Veronica together. When I finished that I turned on Blindspot, which I knew was the penultimate episode so there was gonna be some big firefight with a hidden twist at the end, and of course that was exactly what happened, lol. It was a pretty good one though, and I'm looking forward to seeing what they do to wrap it up next week. And I'm glad they got another season to work with. And that was more or less it for my day, and it is late and I don't want to be dead exhausted tomorrow- oh that's right, today was the first day in like, 5 work days that I didn't fall asleep at work!!! So that's progress!!! But uh yeah, I need to sleep now. Goodnight loves. Happy Friday.

[katlyn1948]

So...I wrote this about three years ago?? It’s a New Years story and I’m thinking about finishing it up. I think I’m going to change it to third person POV, though....idk but here is the first part:

I can feel the light shining into my room. The heat from the sun is on my face. I know it's morning because I can hear the birds chirping outside my window , I can also here the morning traffic in the street below.

I didn't want to wake up. I had my warm and cozy bed and my soft blankets swallowing me up. Who would want to wake up from that?

It has to be early morning. There is no way that it was already afternoon, because that would mean I'd have to work. And working the day before New Years Eve was something I did not want to do. Granted, I don't want to work at all today, but not everyone can get what they want.

I groan and push my duvet off of my body, as I do I'm greeted with cold air striking parts of my exposed skin. December in New York made everything cold, even the damn house you live in. I could have a fire and the heat going and still be cold.

I lift my aching body out of bed and glance at my bedside clock.

1:30 PM

Great, not only does work start in a hour, but I have to get ready and still ride my bike the 2 miles just to get there. It was going to be a long night.

Maybe if I skip the shower and inhale a muffin I'll have time to get there. I shrug and rummage through my closet to see if I have any clean clothes to wear. Luckily, I find a pair of black leggings and red plaid shirt to match. I pull on my boots and head to the bathroom.

I brush my teeth, comb my unruly curly hair, and spray a few spritz of perfume on my body. With a quick look in the mirror, I nod in a approval and head towards the kitchen.

I make my way to the counter where all the snack items lay and quickly grab the last blueberry muffin in the basket. I bite into that sucker like it was the last muffin on earth. And, my god it was good. I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon, so boy was I hungry.

"Mmmm" I groan out loud.

"Must be a good muffin." I hear my mom say.

I jump in surprise and turn to see my mother in the living room sitting on the love seat. She has her magazine in her hand and a cup of coffee on the end table.

"Mom, you scared me." I say to her.

"You must be running late." She says.

I chuckle,"How'd you know?"

She rises from the love seat and enters the kitchen to stand in front of me. Her hand runs through my hair and stops midway.

"Because your hair is a mess and," she flicks the collar of my plaid shirt, "you've worn that shirt three days in a row."

"I have?" I ask as I look down at my shirt. I could've sworn it was clean.

"Yes, you have." My mom says to me.

"Oh, I haven't noticed." I shrug.

Mom laughs and gives a quick hug.

"Get going before you're late for work. And make sure your bring home some beignets. You know your father and brother love that stuff."

I nod and give mom a returning hug before I leave the condo. I grab my bike off the rack in our house and exit the oak door leading to the hallway. I always hated how narrow these hallways were. I could never walk comfortable down them with my bike in tow and there was no way in hell that I was going to leave my baby chained up outside. I did live in New York, after all.

I can see the elevator at the end of the hall; just a few more feet and I will be free from these claustrophobic inducing hallways. I roll my bike further and further down but as soon as I am about to reach the final stretch of hallway, I knock into something hard.

My bike shoots back with resistance, sending me and my stuff tumbling to the ground.

"I am so sorry!" A voice above me  says.

I look up in aggravation and see the most clear blue eyes staring right at me. He also has very light brown hair that sort of curls in the front. He wore a black blazer over a simple white tee and jeans the showed off his assets, if you know what I mean.  He was handsome, I'll admit that, but it didn't deter the fact that he caused me to land on my ass.

"Are you okay?" He asks and he lends a hand out to me.

I hesitate but reluctantly take it.

"Uh yeah," I say. "Thanks."

He chuckles, "No problem. These hallways aren't very spacious."

"No, they aren't." I agree with him.

I sigh and just stare at him for a couple of seconds until Mr. Strowskey from 7C clears his throat from behind us. I know it Mr. Strowskey, because he always smells like sauerkraut, and boy, I could smell that from a mile away.

"If you two love birds don't mind, some people have things to do and there is no way of getting around your accident." He grunts.

"Sorry Mr. Strowskey." I say as I reach for my bag and bike.

"Oh let me help with that." The guys says as he also reaches for my things. 

I can hear Mr. Strowskey grunt with frustration. As soon as the guy and I finish picking up my things we move over to side of the hallway to allow Mr. Strowskey by.  As he passes us all I smell is that pungent odor of sauerkraut mixed with a slight smell of after shave.

"Look, I sorry again, for knocking you down." The guy says as he hands me my bag.

"It's alright. I think I am at fault as well. I didn't see you come out of your condo." I sigh.

He smiles, "Who knows, maybe it was destiny that we bumped into each other."

A laugh escapes my lips, "Okay, if you believe that."

"Yeah, I do."

There is an awkward silence between the two of us and I can't help but to feel a rising tension.

"Ah, well, thanks for helping me up but I gotta go, or I am late for work." I tell him as I start to walk towards the elevator.

"Wait!" He calls out.

I turn to face him. "Yes?"

I see the small smile creep onto his lips, "Can I get your name?"

I sigh and contemplate if I want to give a complete stranger my name. I mean, he did live in this building, so he couldn't be all that bad and he seemed to be about my age, so I guess giving him my name wouldn't hurt.

"My name's River Valentine."

I see his brows crunch up in confusion. "Do you go to Reservoir Hill High?"

"Uh, yeah I do. How do you know? Do you go to RH High?" I ask him.

"Yep. The name is Elijah Brent. I recognized your last name. Your brother doesn't happen to be Tommy Valentine?" He asks.

"That's my brother; my twin." I tell him. "How do you know him?"

The look of confusion deepens, almost as if he is in utter shock that I don't know the answer to the question I just asked.

"We play on the same team. Do you not go to any of his games?"

"Oh that makes sense." I say to myself.

"What?" He asks. He must've heard me speaking.

"Oh rugby isn't really my thing. In fact most sports aren't my thing so I just avoid them altogether." I tell him.

I glance down at my watch and see that the minutes just keep ticking by. I was definitely going to be late if I stayed and continued to talk to this guy.

I notice that Elijah was going to say something so I quickly say, "Look I have to go or I'm going to be late for work. It was nice talking to you. Maybe we'll catch up later."

I turn on my heel and with my bike in tow I finally make my way to the elevator at the end of the hall. I press the button indicating that I wanted to go down and waited not so patiently for the damn thing to arrive.

I never liked the elevator in this building. With only 10 floors, it took forever to just get to one and unfortunately for everyone in this building there was only this elevator. It's strange, really, that a building as expensive as this one and with tenants who make more a year than my parents do combined, that it only has one lousy elevator.

Speaking of said lousy elevator, it still hadn't arrived and I was for sure going to be late for work. I pressed the button again, but after a few more minutes there was no elevator. My frustration was beginning to boil over. First I wake up late, then I bump into a very handsome very curious guy, then the stupid elevator wants to be annoying. Can anything else go wrong today?

"It's under maintenance." I hear an all to familiar voice behind me.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I groan in frustration.

"Unfortunately I'm not." He says.

Annoyed, I turned to face him.

"Are you stalking me?"

He chuckles, "No. I was heading out of my place when you knocked into me."

I sigh. Of course he was.

"Well this is just perfect. I am officially going to be late for work." I hang my head and rub my temples. This day is just not working out for me.

"Look, I give you a ride. It's the least I can do for contributing to your lateness." He says.

"I can't ask you do that." I tell him.

A small laugh escapes his lips. He grabs my bike from my hands and heads towards the stairwell.

"What are you-"

"Come on, River." He interrupts me.

With a defeated sigh I follow him to the stairwell.

He walks down the stairs effortlessly with my bike on his shoulders. If it were me holding my bike I would be huffing and puffing three steps down. But because I pride myself on being a independent woman I say to him, "You know I could've taken my bike down the steps myself."

"Nonsense," I can hear the struggle in his voice as we reach the second floor. "Honestly, it is okay. Besides, you can't carry this down yourself."

That comment stuck a cord in my inner feminist.

"Um excuse me?" I raise an eyebrow at him. He turns back to get a glimpse at my face.

"What?"

"You just said that I couldn't take my bike down myself. What is that supposed to mean?" I question him.

He doesn't say anything until we reach the bottom of the steps.

"I didn't mean it like that. I think you are perfectly capable of bringing this bike down the stairs. I just meant that, as the gentleman that I am, I couldn't let you take this 35 lbs bike down three flights of stairs." A big smile crosses his face.

"Oh that is a bunch of bull. You thought that I couldn't do it." I counter back.

He chuckles as he puts my bike on the pavement. He was totally lying and he knew that I knew he was lying.

"Okay, so maybe I thought that you couldn't do it, but to my defense, I also wanted to be a gentleman."

I shake my head as we head to the parking garage around the corner from the condos. I follow him through the maze of cars that filled nearly every single space. I was surprised that there were this many cars. Most people that live in New York rely on either public transportation, a bike, or simply their own two legs. I shouldn't have been surprised though, the building we live in houses a lot of wealthy people. And I know how much wealthy people love their cars; my uncle has two Lamborghinis and three Bugattis.

Though most of the cars down in the garage were Audis and Mercedes, there were a few of the higher end models. Then there was one car that stuck out like a sore thumb. It was dad's beat up '52 Ford pickup truck. The blue paint was nearly rusted off and there were dents and scratches all over that thing. It was my grandfathers before he gave it to dad. According to mom, once dad got that truck there was no parting with it. Although, I did hear that dad my give to Tommy as a graduation present.

I almost bump into Elijah again when he abruptly stops at a black SUV. Hmm, I thought he was a sports car type of guy. It was nice surprise to see that he isn't. It was an even bigger surprise when I saw his own bike on the bike rack on the back of his car.

"You ride a bike?" I ask him.

"Yeah, sometimes it is easier getting around New York with a bike than a car." He says as he mounts my bike behind his.

"Yeah, I know." I say as I gesture to my bike.

He give a short laugh, "Right."

"Right." I say back. "Well, lets get going, shall we?"

He nods, "Yes we shall."

I climb into his SUV and I can seem to wipe the giant grin that I have on my face. Maybe this Elijah isn't as annoying as I thought he was.

[cgwilson2]

porn on the tl.

adult swim feat. tuamie | jon bellion, glory sound prep

let it be | the pro letarians, hello forever

munny right | jon bellion, the definition

car confessions | young m.a

i’m fucked.  figuratively of course but i put myself in this position.  i am terrible with my money.  and have made several ... questionable?... decisions to get by and survive.

i have to be careful.  i claim it’s a matter of quantity but if i can’t handle $20 then i can’t handle $200.

i am reluctant to ask for help.

my car is dying/dead.  or at least reaching a point that i will be sinking more money into it than it is worth.  which is only about a grand.

and i still owe a few stacks.  man what?  if i dive into the car-ownership-industry-hustle thoughtpool i’ll surely drown.  i reeeeeally hate asking for help.  and i’ve already been riding to work with my bff for TWO weeks.  that’s crazy.

he has not complained, and i think he doesn’t really care minus the traffic.  idk.  i have to figure something out.

my grandmother is here, in indy.  for good.  i really need to go see her.

i’ve been hiding out for a looooooooong time.  and i’m coming out a little before it gets dark.  and heavy.

i do not like asking for help but the universe is telling me to ask for help to get out of this one.  and then to get my financial shit together together together to stay out of it.

this a long one.  switching positions.

looking for a part-timer.  something light. light bars.  meet more people, be more social.  get more money.

lately i have not been sleeping for more than a few hours at a time (due to my leg :/)  not very fun and has added to my poop mood.

perhaps this is a direct reflection of what i consume and am most attentive to/entertained by, but my twitter and tumblr timelines are... WHEW child.  i would not let megan browse through and that’s a problem.  i don’t even open tumblr at work and i hover like crazy over my phone when twitter is open.

the job is cool.  i like it. i make a lot of mistakes but i am learning and finding out how to stop making mistakes.  haha.

sometimes i think that i should not have left illinois and the job so abruptly.  i uprooted us and moved us and changed our lives.  so quickly.  within a month.

holy shit.  but then it’s like... when would have been a better time?  i would not have made it another week in that job in that place with those people.  i have no hard feelings towards the students at all it was just my peers.  and that place.  i left it.  and i let go of a lot of what i was holding on to.  at the end of the day i left what was comfortable and what i knew.

the very next sunday after moving in to the new place and new city my dad delivered a sermon about crossing the jordan river.  god promised abundance and prosperity on the other side of this treacherous river so the people had to endure the unsteady and uncertainty and some times difficult to achieve what was meant for them.

i’m not so religious these days but i think that some times the universe works to put you where you need to be.

so maybe this is it?  this is the raging river to the other side?  kinda fucked up and i’m not sure that i would ever bargain what i’ve lost to gain anything.  anything at all.  whatever.

also i should appreciate what i have, which is a lot for what i deserve, that’s for sure.

[elfsteak]

not a dream i think but idk anymore because i was awake and driving home

ok  im really freaked out right now and i know no one is going to see this and thats kind of what im hoping before because i have 0 followers and this is just a sideblog but i just need to tell something even if its just a dumbass website run by fools (and i cant tell my psychologist because she’ll have me committed)  but i am losING IT RIGHT NOW. and if this is seen by someone pls just. dont like or reblog or even comment like please fuck off i feel like im losing it for real (read if you want but like. dont say anything cos i know this is whack and weird and probably didnt happen at all, but im not even sure at this point,)

anyway I was driving home tonight from woollies around 6-30 pm i think, cos i left at 6-15 and its a 20 minute drive home and was coming down the backroad to get to my place and I had this really weird ominous feeling and like the road already creeps me out because theres this weird hill on the way down the road that dips into almost the bank of river and that river is creepy as shit. you know how you go to dangerous place and the hairs on your arms sort of tingle and you feel like youre in danger? its that kind of place. Anyway tonight it felt especially bad and I was going to turn the car around and get back on the main road (i live in a semi-isolated place aka traffic in the day but by 5pm theres nothing at all happening, and there’s long stretches between houses). Only I didn’t. Normally when I go down this road I go wayyy under the speed limit since it’s dangerous fucking road man and sometimes when i’m panicky about it I kinda chant to myself dont crash dont crash dont crash like a mantra. But this time I felt so fucking bad, like I was actually dying I thought to myself shit man I always knew this road was going to kill me so my usual mantra turned to please dont kill me please dont kill me . And this is where I’m starting think i had a fever dream in the car because this fucking voice in my ear says “and why shouldnt you die here?” and i slam my breaks on, or at least i tried. car kept going and I nearly cried i was like wtf is going on. and i looked around me and sitting in the seat beside was like a fucking shadow or something but it had a form like a human but very clearly not and yet i could not for the life of me focus on it. Like a black misty kind of but with a vague humanoid outline but no features and it was like my eyes blurred it out like my mind was trying to censor it or something anyway i could feel myself literally almost crying like my tears were there but not falling and this thing beside just asked me why shouldnt i die on this fucking road and i just reply i think something about not killing me because life is looking good for the first time in history for me (its true, for the first in 3 years and over 260 resumes handed in I finally got accepted somewhere and hopefully this means that poverty will no longer ruin me). But anyway after i said that it was like the thing telelported in front of me (while im still drving) and i couldnt see in front of me but i guess it didnt matter because i wasnt even steering but the car was still moving around the bend and towards that fucking dip/hill and i was gripping that wheel tighter than anything, my hand kind of hurts now from it too. at this point i thought shit has my whole day been a dream? getting that job interview? dream? idk man. but it cant ahve been because im typing this on the same day and im not even in bed yet. anyway this thing is in front of me and im just trying to stare at it but i cant because my eyes wont let me and then at that point im like shit maybe im NOT dreaming after all because its hand on my fucking face feels pretty fucking real to me but the whack thing is that it says to me something like  ‘Periventure’ or some fucking shit  that idk what it means !!! but then it like touches my lips or something and for a second im like wait wtf that feels like lips but im like no probably not i cant see any lips or really fuckin anything at all of this shadow mist thing that seems to actually be physically there and all i really know is it’s black as night and i cant see through it but it looks like mist that i cant focus on. and then like it never happened the thing was gone and i was nearly at my house and im like wtfffff did i just ahve some kind schizophrenic vision or something (which i considered possible because my dad has schizophrenia so im like hmm maybe) but what really nailed it home in my head that it might have been for real is that when i checked my phone after mindlessly parking and maybe a bit dazed is that the time read 9:23 pm. the whole woollies trip should only have taken an hour or less. 20 minutes there- 10 minutes in the shop- 20 minutes back roughly. again, I left woolworths at like 6-15 or maybe 6-10. 20 minute trip back it should have been and somehow im home at 9 something? at that point I nod to myself and think alright im nuts. maybe i just didnt read the time properly when i left. so i was gonna put it all behind and just pretend i had a weird stroke. so i went inside and my brothers like where tf were you did you get my pizza? how long does it take for chips and pizza? and im just stare at him and say how long was i gone for and he’s just like shit dude you were gone for hours and woolworths is not that fucking far. then im like oh shit. it happened i think. but it. is too weird for me so i like to think it didnt happen. it’s 10:25 on the dot as i write this sentence here and im thinking about just not even posting this since ive written it down but i feel like if i dont it wont be here when i wake up and i really will think im just having a nuts dream but like. that job dude. i really hope this isnt a dream. i need that job.

[eldritchsurveys]

122.

1. Who was the last person you went to a café with? What did you and the other person order? >> I don’t remember the last time I went to a café, specifically...

2. What is your ideal atmosphere at a café? >> I like the dimly-lit places with comfortable seating. The ones that are obviously tailored to people who want to pass away some leisure time at a public location instead of just sitting at home.

3. What do you normally do while waiting for your food or drink to arrive? >> I mean, that depends on where I am and how long the food/drink is going to take.

4. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. >> All I can think of is leaving NOLA. I love going there, but dear god I hate the leaving.

5. How have your tastebuds changed since you were a child? >> To be honest, I don’t think my tastes have changed at all -- I’ve always liked things with strong and complex flavours, and I still have samefoods (just different ones).

6. Did you find it difficult to learn how to drive? If you do not know how to drive, would you ever like to learn? >> I would love to fully learn how to drive. The one time I got to try recently wasn’t as hard as I expected, and it felt really good to finally do it. But I still need to like... practice and refine, you know.

7. What is your opinion of music from the 1960s? What is your favourite song from this decade, if you have one? >> I like some of it. I’m not sure what my favourite would be, mostly because I don’t remember what songs came out in which year or anything.

8. If you could live near a body of water, where would you live and why? >> An ocean. Just... an ocean. Because I like it. But the Mississippi River will also do.

9. Think of someone you care about. What do they smell like? >> A bunch of fuckin Aveda products and shit. IDK LMAO

10. What are some personality and/or physical traits that you find attractive that other people would find plain or boring? >> I don’t know? I don’t think about it like that, I just like what I like.

11. Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? >> I... lmao. We have three plants -- a Boston fern, an aloe, and a mint -- but we... are notoriously bad at plantkeeping. I forget to water them because I haven’t made a routine out of it so it doesn’t stick in my head, and Sparrow forgets because she has ADHD. So they’re always in some state of high disrepair, lmfao.

12. What was your last serious conversation about? >> I don’t know. 

13. Is there any sort of closure that you are looking for? If not, when was the last time you felt unsettled? >> I did feel kind of unsettled (or maybe nettled, which is a more appropriate word that rhymes with it!) when I got that IM yesterday. Because... like, at this point, I’m really not sure what he still wants. Obviously not a friendship with me, because friends just don’t treat each other the way he treated me -- mental illness or no. If anyone else did that to me, I’d fucking lambast them all over this website lmao... but I gave him leeway and more just because... love??? Yeah, maybe I need to be reminded that it isn’t love anymore when it just becomes about putting up with someone’s toxic behaviour at the expense of your own health and happiness. I’m not a saint, I’m a person who doesn’t want to suffer for the sake of friendship, just like everyone else on this damn planet. What’s wild is.... does he do this to his other friends, or is it just me?! Either way it’s fucked up, but if it’s just me, that’s... really fucked up, dammit.

14. Do you feel that you have expressions that are hard to decipher? Why/Why not? >> Probably. I don’t know. I think that what happens is my face does a lot of random shit, and if people are trying to use those random expressions as insight into how I’m feeling or thinking, they’re liable to think I’m feeling or thinking something a lot stronger than I actually am. I just have a strangely active face, lmao.

15. Are there any thoughts that you feel that you are terrible at putting into words? If so, what? >> Most of them, lmao.

16. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? >> New Orleans, absolutely, forever. I don’t know. I’m in love with her, I want to always be with her, I can’t ever get bored of her. She frightens me but it’s not repellent. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted from a city. I’m willing to brave her riotous and often deadly climate just to be near her. It’s intense.

17. How comfortable do you feel couch-surfing or going to a hostel? Would you rather stay in a hotel? >> Incidentally, I couch-surfed the first time I went to New Orleans. It went fine. I actually prefer Airbnb over hotels, and despite the havoc its been wreaking in the form of gentrification and other socioeconomic side effects, I’m still glad it exists. I just wish people wouldn’t use it to be dicks, but I guess that goes for anything in this world.

18. What do you feel is your biggest personality flaw? >> I think the thing about me that’s the least pleasant is that I’m emotionally reserved and stunted to the point of dysfunction. Knowing why hasn’t helped me get any better at it, so I try to make up for it in other ways. For some people that works fine, but for others it prevents them from knowing how to deal with me.

19. What are some intrusive thoughts that you have had? Have you ever played them out in your head, or even acted upon them? >> The general stuff, like “I should jump off this roof” or “I should jump into traffic” or “I should push that person in front of the train to see what happens”, you know. Sometimes I play them out in my head, especially the ones that involve causing grievous harm to myself, because then I go “oh god I don’t actually want that, wtf” which solves the problem.

20. How would you describe what it’s like in your mind? >> Well, it’s connected to a paracosm, so it’s pretty vast and weird in there. I don’t really know how to explain my mind without explaining Xibalba, and I’m gonna need a lot more time for all that, so.

21. What is your favourite brand of beer, if you have one? If not, what is a brand of any sort of drink that you like? >> Hmm... Founders, I suppose, or Abita. But I say Abita... when really I just like Purple Haze and the strawberry lager, because most Abita beers kinda just taste bleh to me. But, you know... my New Orleans problem, it gets in the way of everything.

22. Has a dream that you thought was impossible come true? If so, what? If not, do you think that it is likely to? >> Yeah, I didn’t think I’d be living in an apartment that I co-rent with a fiancée, but you know, strange things happen in this life, and it’s not always terrible strange things.

23. When was the last time you felt at peace? >> Right now. There are many moments of just... chill, that happen from day to day. Sometimes my mind takes that as opportunity to obsess about something or remind me of my own mortality or some nonsense like that, but sometimes it’s just... chill. 

[kari-renee96]

lets get personal.    

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

I Like It by Cardi

Bailar by Deorro

While My Guitar Gently Weeps (both the Beatles and Across the Universe versions)

Babe I’m Gonna Leave You by Led Zepplin

Last Nite by the Strokes

Words I Never Said by Lupe Fiasco

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

The Dalai lama, as an aspiring Buddhist, but even if I weren’t interested in Buddhism I would still want to meet him

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“...Why are you suddenly saying stuff that doesn’t make any sense? Are you drunk?”

It’s Fruits Basket, which is my favorite manga, so I just chose the best line from page 17

4: What do you think about most?

What I’m gonna be when I grow up and how my life will be (a nice house with my now boyfriend, hopefully then husband. maybe I’ll be with another person, or by myself, but I’ll be happy. eventually I’ll have a family, I want three kids. I want always two dogs and one or two cats. I want an office with walls covered in books, and a room that has a window seat)

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

A-do-ba-da

it’s a lunch order from my boyfriend

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

on, usually, because I have roommates; unless I’m at my boyfriend’s and i’m trying to be sexy

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I’m good at impressions... sometimes i worry that this makes me racist and I won’t do them unless i know someone who knows me well enough to know that I’m not

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls go to college to get more knowledge

boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

A song, by a very sweet and very talented ex. he is a guitarist and so it was instrumental. he had said he was messing around, composing, and a tune reminded him of me. he recorded himself playing it on youtube, and i really loved it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

yesterday while driving in traffic

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

not strange, i don’t think. i don’t like bugs too much, but what is strange is that sometimes i’ll be totally cool with them, pick them up in a cup with a paper cover, and take them to safety, and sometimes i’ll scream and demand someone kill them

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

nope, do fingers count as foreign? if not, no

13: What’s your religion?

i was baptized Catholic, but that was the extent of that, my parents never went to church, it was more of a Latinx culture thing. currently, i’m an aspiring Buddhist. i feel like it isn’t official, because the Catholic in me wants to be baptized or initiated or something. but i’ve read tons of books, i meditate quite often, and i have always agreed with the philosophy of Buddhism... so idk if that counts?

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

hiding in shade somewhere, i don’t like the sun too much usually, and reading

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind, for sure

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

maybe i’m basic af, but i don’t wanna lie. the Beatles, all the way. i have even taken the freshman seminar and the four unit Beatles Class at my school

17: What was the last lie you told?

i’m not hungry

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, definitely

19: What does your URL mean?

it’s just my nick name, Kari, short for Karina, and my middle name, with the year i was born. pretty basic. i didn’t know when i first made a tumblr how creative one could be when making their URL

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: keeping things bottled up, even if i talk about something i make it seem like it’s not a big deal, so it is still bottled up

strength: i’m very selfless, which can be a personal weakness at times because i can let people walk all over me, but it makes me happy so i guess that doesn’t matter

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i have tons... i guess top five are Johnny Depp, Kiera Knightley, Jim Sturgess, Ryan Gosling, and Evan Rachel Wood... i have plenty others

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

yes, but i was very little, maybe 8. it was at a friend’s house in Phoenix, with her and her best friend. it was at night, so no one could see, but during the summer time, so it was still pretty warm at night

23: How do you vent your anger?

journaling helps me, sometimes a phonecall to a friend, my boyfriend, or my mom, and if that doesn’t work then jogging and meditating

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

when i was little i collected stuffed animals and littlest pets shops, to this day it’s hard to let some go

i’ve always collected books. so far i have about 3 bookshelves full of books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i like video chatting, i prefer to see someones face

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes, for the most part. it took a lot of work haha

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: chalkboard screeching. even the idea of it gives me goosebumps, and i’ll even associate it with things that probably don’t make that sound, like matte nail polish

love: anything relating to water, like rain falling or rivers rushing or ocean waves

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if i had gone to school at home in Los Angeles and stayed living at home

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes, definitely, and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: curtain of the window

left: my coffee

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

i’m at my boyfriends, who rents a small room in a house. it smells like our cat, Thomas

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

the racist parts of the South

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

the west coast, but i’m biased because i live here. however, i like east coast weather (i’m tired of the California sun)

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Julian Casablancas

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to leave a positive impression. leave the world better than it was when you first came in

36: Define Art.

anything that makes you feel something you wouldn’t have felt if you hadn’t seen it, heard it, felt it, etc

37: Do you believe in luck?

kinda

38: What’s the weather like right now?

too damn hot

39: What time is it?

4:19 (almost time to blaze it... i’m joking... mostly)

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes, and yeah... it was my fault for not seeing a car coming in a parking lot, but it was her fault for not seeing me at all and just ramming into me

41: What was the last book you read?

Fruits Basket book 4, now i’m on 5

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

nope

43: Do you have any nicknames?

kari, karinski, mi amor, babe, baby

44: What was the last film you saw?

How to be a Latin Lover, it was on hulu

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

not too many physical ones, i’ve been lucky. i had a mental breakdown once, because i started to have insomnia, and i didn’t sleep for about 6 days

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no, i’m too scared to hurt their wings and cause them to be unable to fly! but there is this place in Houston where you can go and put sugar water on you and they’ll land naturally, and i’ve done that

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Fruits Basket. i re-read it like once a year

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

bi, or maybe pan. i don’t really like labels, not to be cliche or anything. i just have always been attracted to various people, and i feel that whoever i’m meant to be with, i’ll be with, regardless of their identity

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

i didn’t start one, which is what i think this question is implying

50: Do you believe in magic?

yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

not usually, unless it has been piling on for some time and i let it fester

52: What is your astrological sign?

aquarius!

53: Do you save money or spend it?

ugh spend, but i wanna learn how to save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a gift bag for the birthday presents for my boyfriend, some sunglasses for me, and some sour gummy worms for my stepson

55: Love or lust?

lust that turns into love

56: In a relationship?

yes, i mention him a lot cuz i like him i guess

57: How many relationships have you had?

quite a few, but none of them lasted more that a month and a half, so i really only count this one. before, i never wanted anyone getting close and being able to hurt me or cloud my judgment

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

at my boyfriend’s place, working from home and cuddling him when he would wake up (he’s currently working nights and so he sleeps in the day)

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

nope

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

nope, i like to be barefoot

62: What’s your favourite animal?

ugh too many! i love animals! i wanted to be a vet but i knew that if an animal died on my table i would probably fall into a depression... to name a few, or some i think are likely my spirit animal: wolves, deer, elephants, owls, dogs, cat, leopards, tigers, dolphins, orcas, sea lions, penguins... aaaahh too many!

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

compliment something, often eyes (i’m big on eyes), hair, makeup, shirt, etc

64: Where is your best friend?

in school. i’m sad, she starts more than a month before me

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr

perks-of-being-chinese

humorrelated

civilwhore

kickassfunny

purplebuddhaproject

66: What is your heritage?

latina. my dad was born in Chile, and my mom is Tex/Mex (she’s like 3rd generation)

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

i was on tumblr haha. my boyfriend goes in at 12 so he left here at 11:45, so i was just chilling before i fell asleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

billy bob

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

just a few days ago

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

hell yeah! i’m hella nice but i can also be very honest when i feel like one is prepared for it. i try my best to never judge. plus i like to give random presents when i think you’ll like something. i also like to bake and give cookies randomly. i always send memes i think are funny or relatable. i’m very good at reading people, too, so i know when to give you space and when to give you a hug

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog! if my boss doesn’t understand that i don’t want him as my boss (i’m saying him, because giving ultimatums like that sounds like something a man would do)

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) nope, i wouldn’t tell anyone, except maybe my partner

b) i travel the world, choosing to take my partner to certain places, and my friends to others, and my mom to others, and some of my favorite family members to others

c) no, i try not to fear death. i believe in souls, so *ominous voice* i’ll be back

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

La Vida es un Carnaval

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

0777

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

honesty is the most important thing, even though it can be really hard

77: How can I win your heart?

tell me your dreams and i’ll tell you mine. be sweet, that’s how my boyfriend won me over. i fell for him when we were only messaging (we met on Tindr) and i fell for him because he was sweet and told me that i deserved better than what i had had before

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yup, it has with me

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

going to UCSD instead of UCLA or CSUN. i needed space to grow, away from home

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7.5 in women’s

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

i’ll be back

82: What is your favourite word?

quiver

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the corazon card in loteria

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

no worries

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

I Like It by Cardi

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

blue, green and everything in between

87: What is your current desktop picture?

it’s a slideshow of nature images and some inspirational quotes

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Trump

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

are you happy?

as a person with depressive episodes and anxiety, this can be very hard to be honest about sometimes. but currently, i’m happy! (yay)

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

take a video, maybe this will go viral and no one will believe. then i grab my pets and slowly walk out, drive to my boyfriends and leave pets there. smoke a blunt because i probably need to relax. then call the popo and send them to my place, and tell them to bring the Men in Black or whoever handle that kinda thing

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

i read minds, and speak to spirits

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

first meeting my boyfriend after talking for two weeks on several different social media platforms... like i said, i like him i guess

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

almost getting raped by my neighbor’s grandfather

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Julian Casablancas

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

rome

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

no, but my uncle who passed away last year was often in jail

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

no, but i’ve gotten car sick from Jack in the Box and had to lie down while driving through mountains

98: Ever been on a plane?

a few times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

be kind to yourself first, because you owe it to yourself

[sixthousandninehundredmiles]

December 4, 2017

So today started off pretty early, because there was quite a bit that we wanted to do. However we didn’t actually get to fit most of it in… LOL So we started by going to Damnoen floating market. This floating market was actually really far from our Airbnb, it’s about an hour and a half car ride there. But it was pretty worth it in my opinion. The first floating market that we wanted to go to, I think it was called amphawa was closed, so we had to go to Damnoen. We were split into two boats- Josh, Crystal, Vincent, and I were in one, Katie, John, Bonnie, and Ryo were in the other. The market was set up so that there’s just shops set up along the riverbank, and if we wanted something we would just tell our boat driver to stop and we could get off to shop around. I ended up buying a pair of elephant pants there, and ugh I regret it because it was 350 Baht, and we could have found it for so much cheaper if we waited haha. Vincent and I both bought a pair because we were the only ones who didn’t have any because everyone else bought it while they were in Phuket. We also stopped along one of the restaurants for lunch, and hmm I wasn’t the biggest fan? I got the shrimp sautéed with basil and chili over rice. I just thought some things tasted funny, and I really didn’t want to risk anything so I didn’t really eat. Oh this is also something super random, but the soda here tastes different… a good different but different… LOL I cant put my finger on it, but it just tastes so good. After lunch, we just continued along the mini river and it was an overall relaxing experience. We also stopped at a temple, so we took a few pictures there. They’re pretty strict with the dress code here, so when I got there, one of the ladies gave me a scarf to put over my shoulders because I was wearing a dress.

Oh gosh, it’s times like these where I get to spend a lot of time with Josh do I realize how much I’m going to miss him when we have to leave. I have less than 20 days with him and it’s insane to think about that. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so close to someone like him before. He’s not exactly the person that I would be willing to tell everything to, but he is someone that I am extremely comfortable around. It’s like I grew up with him or something. Maybe because I know that he’s gay? So it just makes me more relaxed around him without a guard? Idk. But gosh im gonna miss him so much. He’s also so considerate so he always takes care of me. Like whenever we get on and off the boat, he’s always the one to steady me to make sure I’m okay, or if im getting attacked by flies he’s the one that will fan me. He treats me like his little sister and it just makes me happy haha.

Anyways! After the boat ride, we took an uber to go back. And overall the uber costed around 80 usd roundtrip. Which is not that bad, like 20 dollars per person for an hours drive? But hmmm a bit pricier than I would be happy to pay for. We were all so tired though, we all knocked the fuck out LOL. And the traffic back was horrendous, so we were stuck in traffic for about 2-2.5 hours. SMH. That’s also why we didn’t have time to go to the temples on the same day. Which is fine, but I just wish that we didn’t have to waste so much time on transportation.

After that we went back to our Airbnb to just relax for a bit, and I ended up falling asleep for like 45 minutes. I guess a powernap never hurts anyone, especially someone who has been consistently running on 4 hours of sleep ugh save me. After that, we went to the Asiatique Waterfront. Basically it’s like a boardwalk almost? A bunch of shops, more shops than we had time to walk around, and there’s a ferris wheel and a carousel there as well. Pretty cool. We had dinner at a random restaurant there, but ugh it was kinda disappointing. The bill turned out to be around 350 per person, which isn’t bad but the portion sizes were so small I feel like no one was full at the end of the meal. My favorite thing that I tried there had to be the pineapple fried rice though. Then we all walked around some more, took a few pictures before splitting up. A group of us went to go find the fish spa- basically you stick your feet into a tub of water that’s filled with fish that attack you and eat your skin. LOL ok that sounds a lot scarier than it is because they only eat the dead skin cells off. It was honestly such a weird sensation though, and we were all screaming when we first put our feet in because it’s just SO STRANGE. It’s like a thousand tiny little nips that are ticklish. Hard to explain but LOL it was so cool though. It was like 3 usd for 15 minutes. After the spa, our feet felt so much softer. I would definitely do it again haha. It was also nice because I think a lot of them ate the skin off of calves where my bug bites were so hopefully it’ll help with the scarring?

After the fish spa, we walked around some more and did some souvenir shopping! I bought these really cute pouches that say “Thailand” on them, and also elephant pants for ssgc. LOL this is why I thought it was such a rip off to buy them at the floating market because I got them for 150 at these markets. I paid over 2x the price for my first pair… smh smh. I also bought an extra pair IN CASE you would like them. If not, then yay another pair for myself. LOL But I figured they’re super comfortable and if you’re willing to wear them it’d be pretty cool.

Then we just met up with everyone else at around 11:30 pm, and we headed back to our Airbnb. HOWEVER, the night wasn’t over yet. Because some pretty freaky shit happened at our Airbnb. So one thing that I didn’t mention yet is that our Airbnb has some wacky locks. Like you know the design of keys in necklaces? How it looks like a fairytale key, yeah that was the key to our front gate. I don’t even know how it works, I just know that if we stick it in it works? LOL but then there’s also 3 more layers of doors to the front door. One of the layers is closed with a padlock… yeah you just literally lock a padlock on it. And the last one is this seemingly normal lock in the door, only it won’t lock from the inside half the time. L o l. ok anyways. So freaky thing number 1- the lights in the hallway flickr… a lot. Ok scary shit number two: Bonnie was showering and afterwards she came downstairs laughing telling us that we were being lame. And we were like what? Because Josh, Vincent, Katie and I were chilling at the second level living room, and they were with me the entire time. And she was like “one of you guys kicked my door hella hard” and we were like …. Wtf no one did. And she just kept laughing and saying I know one of you guys did just stop. And it just got freakier because she was so sure that it was one of us when we all knew that it wasn’t. And then she took us upstairs to demonstrate how loud the bang was and it was extremely loud and there’s no way that it would’ve been caused by wind. Ok scary shit number 3: josh was like “im going to go upstairs to check on crystal” and then he walks up stairs and we all heard a really loud bang and he came downstairs and said that while he was walking by our room, my door suddenly slammed hella hard. LOL like wtfffff

Ok yeah so a bunch of freaky shit happened so katie and I packed up our stuff and we were about to sleep downstairs, but after we all calmed down we decided that it’s probably ok to just sleep in our room lol but yeah it was pretty freaky. Other than that it was a really fun day haha. Pretty cool to see the city.