#i didnt intend for this to be a review but I guess it is now lol.

[choppedcowboydinosaur]

The Boy and the Heron Review

I originally did not intend for this to be a review but the more I wrote about it the more I realized this might as well be a review.

I saw the Boy and the Heron and was considering reviewing it, but I saw other people's takes and it made me think I should rewatch it to catch any possible deeper meanings I may have missed. Everybody seemed to be gushing over this movie. It felt like Studio Ghibli's greatest hits in both a good and bad way. It's meant to be a celebration of Ghibli's work but also doesn't feel as strong as some of their previous work. Like you have the usual Ghibli tropes like: The Ghibli heroine, the food preparation scenes, the cute spirit things that resemble other tiny, cute forest creatures from Princess Mononoke and those dust creatures form Spirited Away. It repeats these tropes, but it doesn't have the same impact for me personally as their previous films.

I thought it was going to be anti-Imperial Japan in the beginning since it takes place during WW2 but it doesn't really dwell on it. Instead, it portrays civilian life during the war in a matter-of-fact sort of way. Which is interesting since Miyazaki usually makes it very obvious how anti-war he is in his movies.

The intro with the hospital fire is amazing and the animation is something I've never seen Ghibli do before. With the way the flames and smoke distort Mahito's perception of everything around him. For me it's one of the standout features of this film that make it unique.

There are also bits of meta commentary on Studio Ghibli and Miyazaki's legacy using the old man and the fantasy world he created. He leaves it to his descendant but it's too late and the place just collapses in on itself. Some see this as a metacommentary about Miyazaki's relationship with his son or his employees, but I feel like that might be reading too much into it. I guess the way I would interpret that ending is you can't live in the fantasy world and must move on with your own life. For the metacommentary part I guess it's Miyazaki realizing his studio will collapse without him and that his fans should move on with their lives. (The impression I get of Miyazaki is that he has no successor at all). That or just make their own fantasy as Mahito still has a piece of the fantasy world with him after he leaves it.

Also, some people on twitter were saying the parrots were allegories for anime fans or pretentious Ghibli fans who just consume everything in sight. You could interpret it that way but I feel like that's reading way too much into it.

In speaking of birds the Heron is probably the most interesting and fun character of the bunch. He is so bizarre and his voice is just so weird, growly, scummy and funny. It was surprising that he kind of drops out half way through the movie.

Mahito and the kid version of his mom don't interact as much as I would have liked them to. Mahito clearly misses his mom and gets this opportunity to talk to her and bond with her but they never take that chance. It's a shame because you could get some good character drama with that, but they never explore it. The kid version of his mom is very much a typical Ghibli heroine. She is a tomboy who is capable as the men and is adventurous. There's not a ton to her character which is a shame since there is potential to explore her given the way all the other characters talked about her when she was still alive. The kid version of the mom is not bad but not that new or interesting either.

It's good but not as good as some of their other films like Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, Castle in the sky, Porco Rosso or Princess Kaguya. It tries to be like those movies but doesn't have the same impact or energy for me tbh. It has the skeleton and some of the muscle for a good story but it's missing those connecting tissues and tendons to make it complete. I get the general story for this movie is that Mahito misses his dead mother but he must learn to move on with his life. But it's not explored as well as it could have been.

Perhaps it's just my own mindset when I saw this movie, but I didn't feel that same magic or mystique in this movie compared to the other Ghibli films I have seen. I'm aware that not all Ghibli movies are masterpieces. For example, the Cat Returns is what I consider to be a mid-level Ghibli movie. It's fun and never feels like it's trying to be a masterpiece. But the Boy and the Heron feels like it wants to be a masterpiece but doesn't reach that same mark as something like Spirited Away or Porco Rosso. It feels like a Ghibli's best of reel for better or worse.

[bikwin5]

pikmin 4 thouts

i haven't actually posted that much about pikmin 4 now that i think about it but i finished it a while ago. as close to 100% as i think it can be. i don't have the drive to make a complete review so i just wrote down a list of things i liked and didn't like. there are no huge spoilers in this until the very end

THINGS I LIKED -adding a marketable dog is usually a sign of getting desperate. the simpsons did a whole episode about it. even in the ask the devs interview they were like yeah we added a dog to create appeal. but despite all that i ended up warming up to oatchi not just as a character but his gameplay as well. letting him swim, carry, attack, and act as a second leader all works very natural in pikmin's world and he basically acts like a very big and powerful pikmin. it takes a bit of getting used to learning the new mechanics but i think it was a good idea overall. still kind of wish they went with the playable bulborb idea instead. -the biodiversity is kind of ridiculous in this one. pikmin 4 has 100+ different creatures and a piklopedia to interact with them all, making for endless hours of fun without even playing the game. in fact there are so many creatures it felt like some had a pikmin 3 problem where they weren't used enough even though this is a big ass game!! i also like the return of pikmin 2 styled bosses in contrast to 3's where most of them felt very scripted. -the selection of things to collect is no doubt the best in this one. i like that completing a set of treasures lets you look at everything at once. -i like the hub area. its nice to walk around a bit. -having 8 pikmin types is a bold move but they pulled it off pretty well. the 3 types limit on the surface actually works well. i like that each area has "recommended" types but allows you to swap out others regardless. it makes it so advanced players can do more tag barrel switching if they want to. -the level design feels a bit of a departure from past games with how expansive each area is but i do like it, it keeps things fresh. there's still a lot of depth to clearing out each area and cave efficiently. -it was at least harder than pikmin 3!!!! yippee!!!!!! -the gwafics are goregous in this one. pikmin is one of those series that only looks better with visual fidelity. -i like the equipment upgrading system. i enjoy how it allows certain equipment to be optional even after you already make it. this lets me get rid of the power whistle because i don't like it.

THINGS I DIDNT LIKE -my #1 complaint is the auto-lockon feature. i desperately wish i could turn it off. i think they intend you to have motion controls on for more precise aiming but i don't want that. i just want to aim with the stick. the lockon makes some things trivial and some unnecessarily frustrating. there's a FUN to be had in trying to get perfect aim with pikmin! it's a BALANCE!!!!!!!!! but maybe nintendo doesn't realize that… nintendo if you patch this game to give me an option to turn off auto lockon i'll be a good kid and buy your new mario. -pikmin 4 has the best pikmin AI in the series but there some small changes are so frustrating. in particular they REALLY hate the idea of using more than the minimum number of pikmin to carry something. they physically stop you from throwing for a bit and then pikmin that are already idle don't even bother. it's a small thing but it's persistent and it drives me insane. -balancing 8 types of pikmin is not easy. that being said i think pikmin 3's types in particular got shafted a bit. rock pikmin have a weird nerf where they can die from crushing but only on hard surfaces? i guess it's to prevent trivializing certain bosses. winged pikmin don't act much different but they feel like what blue pikmin were to 3 in that they barely get a chance to shine. it's fucked because all the earlier areas probably have winged pikmin paths programmed in that most people will never see… it breaks my heart just thinking about it -ALSO the white pikmin damage nerf was totally unneccessary. as a result all the poison themed enemies are so weak and oatchi can dispatch them easily with the poison upgrade so its like why are these guys still candypop bud exclusive -the controls might be almost TOO tight. particularly the oatchi bunchup is really OP when it comes to fights. i think this game throws a lot of tough situations at you but jumping on oatchi trivializes them a lot of the time. -enemies not respawning is really weird. particularly on the surface where they NEVER respawn. it kind of strips the organic feeling of pikmin away. -everyone says this but too much tutorial. please stop making the characters talk to me every time a pikmin dies on screen. i'd say it feels like nintendo is regressing to the skyward sword era but not quite, if they did then then there would be a cutscene every time you break down a wall.

looking back at this section i sure did CAPITALIZE a bunch of arbitrary words. i think shepherd was right when she said bernard's speaking style rubs off on you.

VERY MINOR NITPICKS -i wish my man hajime wakai was still doing the soundtrack cause you can tell he didnt. pikmin 4's soundtrack isn't bad it's still pretty "pikminlike" but i think you can tell its not the same as it was -for having a "dandori" theme pikmin 4 doesn't feel nearly as incentivized to be efficient as much as 3 or even 1. the fact that night expeditions take up full days bothers me and i can't help but wonder how much replays will be affected with how much stuff they crammed in the main game.

BIG SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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-i think olimar and louie got a lot of fun exposition but the new characters not so much. it feels like they got disregarded later in the story. -final boss was the easiest in the whole series. yes even more than hey! to me. i lost like maybe 5 pikmin total. i think what makes it so easy is that there is very little risk in engaging, you throw 2 purple pikmin on the tail and when it falls over you rush with oatchi and that's it. the one scary thing about it is the final phase where it can do the roar that scatters pikmin into death pits but i didn't get hit by it because i'm epic and awesome like that. even then having one difficult thing at the end of an otherwise easy final boss just feels kind of cheap. -i wish the lineup trumpet wasn't a secret late game upgrade because i would have liked to play the rest of the game with it.

[afriendlyirin]

#ALSO?! you just made me realize - its SPECIFICALLY this kind of review that really helps writers too!!!#a writer might have MEANT to make a low stakes novel. so if you tell them that in your response? cool - they now know they succeeded#but if you tell them it was high stakes and nail biting and the ending was intense? they may go WOAH i didnt realize#and be able to self adjust if Their personal goal had NOT been that#or in contrast perhaps they'd learn more about their particular writing habits. and lean into the high stakes#they accidentally wrote. and then the next novel has even higher stakes and is even more Exciting High Impact#and they get to improve their particular style.#when i ASK friends to read my original writing for feedback? this above is what i WANT#because i dont need to know if its X or Y like the readers personal preference. that's not the stage im in#i just need to know: what is the reader INTERPRETING this story type as. is it consistent#what IS consistent. what is INconsistent and was it that part i MEANT to be inconsistent since its a#hint of a mystery readers shouldnt know yet. if the mystery is very easily guessed i want to know#contrastingly if its VERY hard for the reader to notice the mystery i ALSO want to know so i can put in more hints#i want to know if a character seems strong or weak villainous or heroic or grey area#i want to know how an Outside person who DIDNT make it sees and interprets the story#THIS FEEDBACK ABOVE is so useful for a writer! it lets us know if we achieved our intended goals (via @mejomonster​)

I used to work for a trade book reviewer where I got paid to review people's books, and one of the rules of that review company is one that I think is just super useful to media analysis as a whole, and that is, we were told never to critique media for what it didn't do but only for what it did.

So, for instance, I couldn't say "this book didn't give its characters strong agency or goals". I instead had to say, "the characters in this book acted in ways that often felt misaligned with their characterization as if they were being pulled by the plot."

I think this is really important because a lot of "critiques" people give, if subverted to address what the book does instead of what it doesn't do, actually read pretty nonsensical. For instance, "none of the characters were unique" becomes "all of the characters read like other characters that exist in other media", which like... okay? That's not really a critique. It's just how fiction works. Or "none of the characters were likeable" becomes "all of the characters, at some point or another, did things that I found disagreeable or annoying" which is literally how every book works?

It also keeps you from holding a book to a standard it never sought to meet. "The world building in this book simply wasn't complex enough" becomes "The world building in this book was very simple", which, yes, good, that can actually be a good thing. Many books aspire to this. It's not actually a negative critique. Or "The stakes weren't very high and the climax didn't really offer any major plot twists or turns" becomes "The stakes were low and and the ending was quite predictable", which, if this is a cute romcom is exactly what I'm looking for.

Not to mention, I think this really helps to deconstruct a lot of the biases we carry into fiction. Characters not having strong agency isn't inherently bad. Characters who react to their surroundings can make a good story, so saying "the characters didn't have enough agency" is kind of weak, but when you flip it to say "the characters acted misaligned from their characterization" we can now see that the *real* problem here isn't that they lacked agency but that this lack of agency is inconsistent with the type of character that they are. a character this strong-willed *should* have more agency even if a weak-willed character might not.

So it's just a really simple way of framing the way I critique books that I think has really helped to show the difference between "this book is bad" and "this book didn't meet my personal preferences", but also, as someone talking about books, I think it helps give other people a clearer idea of what the book actually looks like so they can decide for themselves if it's worth their time.

Update: This is literally just a thought exercise to help you be more intentional with how you critique media. I'm not enforcing this as some divine rule that must be followed any time you have an opinion on fiction, and I'm definitely not saying that you have to structure every single sentence in a review to contain zero negative phrases. I'm just saying that I repurposed a rule we had at that specific reviewer to be a helpful tool to check myself when writing critiques now. If you don't want to use the tool, literally no one (especially not me) can or wants to force you to use it. As with all advice, it is a totally reasonable and normal thing to not have use for every piece of it that exists from random strangers on the internet. Use it to whatever extent it helps you or not at all.

[sregan]

Review: Everything Everything's "Mountainhead"

Mountainhead is to my knowledge the first Everything Everything album truly sold around its concept. At least two of their previous efforts have had thematic through-lines - 'Get To Heaven' around radicalisation, extremism, and in vocalist Higgs' words 'becoming the Other'; and 'Re-Animator' playing with Julian Jaynes' bicameral mind theory. And of course their immediately previous album 'Raw Data Feel' was partially composed with input from an AI and toys with ideas of technology and the future. However, none have been teased with as strong a concept as 'Mountainhead' - set in a dystopian society where a cult is building a mountain by digging a pit, with the lowest members of society living in the pit and the highest on the peak - an immediately compelling metaphor for the rat race and inequality; and of course the title itself recalls Ayn Rand's 'The Fountainhead' and suggests a critique of that work's strident pro-capitalism message.

In practice I am unsure exactly how well this theme comes together - Higgs admits only about half the tracks on the album contribute directly to the theme, and it certainly doesn't seem to me like as a concept album Mountainhead is trying to be a 'rock opera', in the sense of having a story that develops throughout the album.

'Wild Guess' is the album opener, and it seems to me that it's doing triple duty as a re-introduction to the band ("Do you know where I've been (…) where are we now?"), a societal critique ("Take a wild guess" as to where things are going to go from here given the ominous political and environmental trends), and a scene-setting track for the album's concept. When Higgs sings "This is the most important thing you'll ever buy from us" this may be the cult of the mountain selling themselves to an unfortunate convert, or the band itself describing the album; an unsettling duality that blurs the line between the critical perspective of the band and the protagonist (something Higgs has played with on numerous occasions before). It's unusual for an EE song insofar as it begins with a long instrumental section, showing off the band's chops at, perhaps, the expense of an explosive opener. The use of almost barbershop harmonies is a high point. It's grown on me after a few listens and I now think it's above average for the album, despite a bridge that annoys me due to its mixed metaphors ("Nothing but endless fields of bodies swimming in the pit").

(As a note: I think there's a mistake in mixing in this song. At the end of the song, Higgs sings "Oh take a wild guess" while the backing vocals sing "You don't take it in". I think 'take' is probably intended to line up so it hits with some extra punch but never quite manages it)

'The End of the Contender' is a surprising and perhaps weak choice for second song despite being musically solid on its own. One of the singles released ahead of the album, 'Contender' is based in part on the viral video of Ronnie Pickering, a former British boxer who became involved in a road rage incident, raging "Do you know who I am?" (the cyclist didnt'). As such, other than a fleeting reference to Creddahornis, the snake at the bottom of the pit, there's relatively little sense of the album's concept and it's more of a personal meditation on former 'big men' who feel the world has passed them by.

'Cold Reactor' was the first single to be released from the album and remains probably the strongest song on the LP, as well as serving as the most concise description of the album's concept ("So we built the mountain by digging an almighty hole (…)But now the hole is deeper than anybody ever planned/And we're blocking out the sun"). Looking back after the release of the album, Cold Reactor suffers from its slightly schizophrenic premise; it is at once a description of the cult digging frantically to build the mountain, with the protagonist raging ("If God is the mountain he won't answer me a single question"), but also a description of isolation from the perspective of what seems like a shut-in only communicating with others through chat ("I haven't left the house in nearly thirty thousand days; I sent you/The image of a little yellow face") and perhaps planning an act of violence, a call-back to some of the themes of 'Get To Heaven'. It remains however an extremely catchy track with a devastating chorus ("I'm sorry Satan, but I can't do this evil on my own").

'Buddy Come Over' suffers from a weak, if memorable, chorus ("Empty but for us and the vomit/Elvis sitting dead on the toilet") and appears to be describing an individual familiar to the UK political scene - a "sucker for the law" who thinks "PC (has) gone mad". An excellent bridge with a genuinely menacing melody makes up for the chorus ("It's a golden age/I'm wearing half your face").

It's not clear if 'R U Happy?' is intended to be the concept album cult's pitch to members, a first stirring of dissatisfaction by the protagonist in their life ("The mountain is a lie") or a more general statement by the band. While some reviewers enjoyed the themes I felt it was a bit meandering.

'The Mad Stone' was the second of the three singles released ahead of the album launch and seems to be from the perspective of a real estate agent selling homes on the mountain and in the pit. It's a little unclear what part of the narrative voice should be understood to be from an actual cult member - is "I'm a Mountainhead too! What is that, a religion?" a telling aside from the same character who seeks belonging but doesn't seem to know what they're getting into, or two characters in a back and forth? The very rapid falsetto delivery of the chorus may not be everyone's cup of tea.

'TV Dog' should ring bells for listeners of previous albums, where 'dog' is used to mean someone falling prey to propaganda or easily led; who is learning to hear the dog whistles (e.g. 'Lord of the Trapdoor': "This is a whistle for only the dog. Can you believe you were nearly a dog?"). The song opens strongly with a harpsichord leitmotif that recalls 'Two for Nero' and the lyrics "Why is it always/Liars and ballgames/When I turn on the television?"). Sadly, as the song goes on, it seems to lose track of of the metaphor ("If it's not free will/Is it a treadmill?") and is rather short.

(UPDATE: This may be because the line in question was actually taken from another unused song which would have revolved around a shooting at a gym. EE have done this before when they fused 'Only The Dogs' and 'Come Alive Diana' to create the final version of 'Come Alive Diana', with the intriguing line "First I lost an author, then I lost a daughter's awe" sadly not pertaining to anything in the themes of the latter, having been lifted directly from the former.)

'Canary' returns to the themes of the album, while also perhaps developing the themes of the radicalised character from the previous song, with the 'canary under the ground' who gives into the "drumming of the hellkite priest". It suffers from a somewhat repetitious chorus and outro and, in contrast to TV Dog, feels like it drags on somewhat, despite a stronger through-line.

'Don't Ask Me To Beg' is one of the weaker songs on the album from my perspective; it seems to be broadly a breakup song, and despite some memorable lines ("If I'm gonna be tomorrow's bacon/You deserve a Michelin star") the second half lumbers along with the same issues as 'Canary'.

'Enter the Mirror' is clearly being positioned as one of the big tracks of the album, though to my mind it's probably the weakest. Its new-love theme sits uncomfortably coming immediately after 'Don't Ask Me To Beg' and the leitmotif of the chorus "Two! Men! Enter! The! Mirror!" feels worryingly familiar. It's not quite Michael Jackson's "The Man In The Mirror" but isn't far off, which gives it a presumably unintentionally comedic effect.

'Your Money, My Summer' clearly nods back to the band's early single 'MY KZ, UR BF', a track specifically about being confronted by an angry man after cheating with his significant other. Here the message is somewhat vaguer; does the money-splashing protagonist have the 'Babylon witch's' credit card after the breakup in 'Don't Ask Me To Beg'? Confusing matters is the line 'All summer my powers did fade', which seems like it recalls 'Lost Powers', a song about Alex Jones and the Sand Hook shootings.

(UPDATE: The meaning may be given away by the cryptic reference to Robin Hood's Bay, which seems to be referencing Bram Stoker's Dracula, who reaches shore in nearby Whitby after a shipwreck in the form of a dog. 'The dog's in the dinghy sun-tanned' thus seems to identify the parasitic protagonist as a figurative (?) vampire, whose fading powers of seduction may nod back to similar tracks such as 'Warm Healer')

'Dagger's Edge' wasn't a favorite of mine as it felt quite derivative and something I've heard before, both musically and thematically, though it's a lot stronger than the preceding three tracks and I can see why some have labelled it a high point. It connects, oddly, to 'Don't Ask Me To Beg' ("We've all become tomorrow's bacon/The customer is always right") as well as to the 'rancid hellkite' cult.

'City Song' was a standout for me with some evocative synths, and what seems like a nod to the structure of 'No Reptiles' ("They didn't know my name/I didn't know my name"). City Song has been excoriated by some for what is probably the weakest couplet on the album ("You are a woman, and I am a man/We live in the city, and we do what we can"). For my part I assumed this was deliberately trite and not a genuine attempt at a romantic line. It also has for me the best outro on the album.

'The Witness' makes for a strange closer to the album, with its 16-bit MIDI melody and vocals that seem to sit awkwardly on top. For me this (deliberate?) incongruity detracts from what are actually quite powerful lyrics - albeit feeling very cryptic and almost painfully personal: "And the way you wanted it never comes true/And the bird in the shed, it was looking at you/But you blew off its head because that's what we do/And I'll always believe in you". Should we understand the "blinding light" and "water falling" to mean the collapse of the pit and the mountain; the system ending and the light rushing into the darkness? The line "If you stood up in school and just burst into flame" suggests to me this is all still Higgs playing with ideas of martyrdom and terrorism left over from 'Get To Heaven', when the final two tracks on what is billed as a concept album haven't really engaged with the concept, dancing away to a city filled with light or a cryptic scene in a shed where the protagonist kills an avian 'witness'?

Overall ranking each song out of five I ended up with an overall average rating for 'Mountainhead' of 2.78, which is better than Arc and Re-Animator and comparable to 'Raw Data Feel'. However, it's quite front-loaded, with 'The End Of The Contender', 'Cold Reactor', 'Buddy Come Over' and 'Mad Stone' all in the first half. I feel the album progressively loses track of its conceit after 'Canary' and the second half is significantly weaker.

In terms of the overall narrative, you might construct something as follows:

The scene is set ('Wild Guess') with an ominous premonition of the end (the bodies floating in the pit), also serving as a re-introduction to the band itself and its new direction ("Where are we now? - Take a wild guess")

'The End Of The Contender' describes someone who might fall prey to the cult, who feels like yesterday's man and seeks purpose

'Cold Reactor' overtly spells out the setting and how it relates to alienation (the pit = depression and disconnection)

'Buddy Come Over' might (?) suggest attempts to find connection with other people in the pit

'R U Happy?' suggests the protagonist remains dissatisfied with their life

'Mad Stone' introduces a new character, the estate agent who by the end of the song has seemingly joined the cult)

'TV Dog' relates the cult to real-world media on TV radicalising people

'Canary' develops how the protagonists are manipulated and encouraged to sacrifice themselves for the good of the cult

'Don't Ask Me To Beg' suggests some kind of breakup or disagreement with the cult

'Enter The Mirror' sees the protagonist climb the mountain and reach the mirror, reaching some kind of revelation and embarking on a campaign of destruction and arson against the cult

'Your Money. My Summer' might or might not see the protagonist stealing money from the cult (it might also be from the perspective of the cult's leadership, enjoying the unearned fruits of their followers' labours)

'Dagger's Edge' relates the cult situation to the increasingly perilous real-world political landscape

'City Song' sees the protagonist attempting to rediscover themselves in the city after leaving the cult but still feeling unsatisfied

Finally 'The Witness' sees them return and dynamite the mountain, flooding the pit and killing the cult; their last victim is the canary, who saw them commit the crime.

Update: The 'bird in the shed' is a real bird who Higgs shot with an air rifle as a child, with the rest of the song being about "some fucked up stuff that happened to me in the pandemic"; my sense then that this was a painfully personal song seems to have been bourne out. While the lyrics are evocative, the almost chiptune melody and lack of connection to the album make it to my mind a poor closer.

[sleepymarmot]

Phantom Thread (2017)

[Finally forcing myself to post the reviews of films I watched earlier this year. Saw this one on January 29th — almost exactly seven months ago! As usual, I also post the notes I took while watching, so scroll down a bit if you only want the review.]

Liveblog

The dress is pretty but it doesn’t sit well on her at all.

Damn that was quite a rude way to hit on a perfect stranger

Girl has no sense of self-preservation! What do you mean you get into the car of a customer you talked to for two minutes, after dark?!

Wow he put his fingers in the sauce, is that normal for rich British men or is that another creepy flirting method? That’s unhygienic, please use your own food for innuendo

Oh my god Cyril is immediately acting creepy also

“My job to give you some. (beat) If I choose to.” Dude lmao…

“You have the ideal shape. He likes a little belly.” Ok first of all, insane thing to say once again. Secondly, w h e r e

I like this dress even less. Weird skirt, looks uncomfortable.

Why did he bring his sister to their date

“How early?” “I’ll wake you.” …

The fabric conversation… Is this negging again or is he for real

I really thought Cyril would say “Maybe you’re being too fussy.” I guess Alma has not yet leveled up enough to get quoted verbatim

“But, please, don’t let her sit around waiting for you.” Ha, now Cyril is repeating Alma’s words without even knowing Does Cyril not drink from the kettle? That was kind of risky…

The wedding dress is ugly Oh, he said it himself, okay

Damn, all of these women have to work overtime because of this couple’s power plays

He went from “I want a divorce” to “We’re doing food poisoning based BDSM” awfully quickly

Wait where’s that text post about being poisoned by your wife... Was it inspired by this movie lol

Ok so we all agree Reynolds is autistic, with his routines and picky eating and misophonia

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Review

How come Tumblr has never mentioned this one to me? Feels silly to say “where have you all been hiding this” about a Best Picture nominee from five years ago, but still. This is literally a romance between “ok first of all i didnt "miss" the red flags i looked them and thought yeah thats sexy” and “love my terrible wife […] when we eat dinner ill smile and say “poison again ?” and she will shrug mischievously but we both know it is very much poison”!

General notes

Set design, cinematography and lighting were beautiful. In our age of murky shots, it’s remarkable to see a film that’s never underlit — sometimes even the opposite. Wasn’t a fan of the grain, though; the flickering is hard on the eyes, and in the copy I watched it looked like a low quality rip instead of a warm nostalgic analogue look that I assume was intended. The sound side was as good as the visuals: this might be the first time I actually noticed the sound design, and the score was nothing less than what I expected of Jonny Greenwood.

I have mixed feelings about the costuming. Some of the dresses are beautiful… but the two most important ones, the very first dress we see and the very first dress made for Alma, didn’t fit the wearers’ silhouettes, and looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Some of the dialogue, mostly at the beginning, felt unnatural; not sure if that’s just me not being a native speaker, since nobody else had the same complaint.

I didn’t get “never cursed”. Was that a statement Reynolds secretly made about himself, or a lucky charm referring to the princess’ marriage? Why did Alma rip the label out? Why did she join the seamstresses in the first place — did she feel guilty that they got caught in the crossfire and had to work overtime because of her, or did she just want to inspect the dress? I also don’t understand why people seem to adore the New Year’s Eve scene.

Do you think Alma told the doctor the whole story, or just talked about their relationship but left out the poisonings? I think it would be unwise to tell that to anyone lest they call the police…

In the sections below, I am going to talk negatively about Reynolds a lot. So I want to clarify first: I do sympathize with Reynolds in many ways; I wouldn’t want a new person to get in the way of my habits, and I would be unhappy with the surprise dinner too. And that’s also exactly why I don’t invite strangers to live with me and interrupt my routines then get mad at them for that, you know…

Filing this one as “Movies I wouldn’t want to watch or discuss with my mother even though there’s zero sex and nudity on screen”. I don’t know which part would be more awkward, the Freudian subtext or everything else…

The omelette

I’ve recently acquired a bad habit of reading too much about movies before watching. In this case it was probably a good thing, though: without the spoilers, I doubt I would have seen this any time soon, or managed to sit through the first hour. Luckily, I didn’t know the key element of the omelette scene, and still managed to have a proper first time viewing experience as it slowly dawned on me that Reynolds was aware of everything and the poisoning was going to be consensual this time.

That scene, and the follow-up interactions between Alma and Reynolds in the cottage (excluding the daydreaming flash-forwards, which I have mixed feelings about), were, unsurprisingly, my favorite part of the film. Many reviews quote Alma’s monologue (which, as I realize now, I might have originally encountered in a joke screenshot with zero context) or the line Reynolds says in response, so I’ll highlight some other things. The contrast between how simple and ordinary their actions are on the surface (cooking, serving food, eating, talking at the table) and how wild the meaning of these actions is; the mix between a duel, a dance and a negotiation that mostly consists of extremely mundane movements. The intense eye contact, the “I know that you know that I know”. How Alma put too much butter in his food and poured water too loudly for too long, and he accepted it without complaint but with the same calm and clarity as the poison. How they look genuinely happy, in love, and on the same page for the first time in the entire film. How easily he says “I love you”.

The omelette discourse

…And now that I’ve documented my immediate positive emotional response, it’s time for some overthinking and complaining. Perhaps everything I say below can be dismissed by saying “they’re both awful and deserve each other, that’s the point haha”, but that’s not a mode my brain can stay in for long. So please bear with me, or just skip this section.

Because no matter how exciting and cathartic that ending is, I can’t help but ask: what next? Is this experience going to let Reynolds finally grow out of his cycle of childlike helplessness and patriarchal despotism, instead of solidifying it? What are we supposed to infer — that the poisonings are going to be a regular occurrence from now on, or that they will become unneeded as Reynolds gradually mellows out? (The former would, realistically, have diminishing returns and practical complications like “people are going to start asking questions”, and the latter kind of goes against the celebratory kink-positive tone of the film’s grand finale.) Are we to believe that Alma’s poison is an antidote to Reynolds’s toxic masculinity, and that the more he submits to Alma the more he can tolerate her when things go back to normal, until the two of them grow to exist harmoniously?

I guess there is some evidence of that process already beginning. When Reynolds bounces back after the first poisoning, he’s slightly less mean to Alma than before the marriage. Alma’s poisoning is also less destructive the second time: consent, no collateral damage, not on the eve of an important deadline, she agrees to call the doctor.

I think the film wants the viewer to think that by the end, Reynolds and Alma’s mutual toxicity cancels itself out, and they manage to reach a harmonious equilibrium. That might be true of the first poisoning, where Alma retaliates against Reynolds’s abuse with some of her own. At the mid-point of the film, their vileness is pretty evenly matched. After that first poisoning, there’s a brief honeymoon period. Then Reynolds goes back to berating Alma, disregarding her feelings, and being dissatisfied with her presence in his life… And in response to Reynolds making her feel unloved, Alma does something that makes Reynolds feel loved. In the end, the score is still in Reynolds’s favor instead of being even. Even in Alma’s daydreams of their happily ever after, the closing monologue of the film, there is no mention of Reynolds changing to accommodate her, only of Alma changing to accommodate him: “I am older and I see things differently, and I finally understand you.”

Perhaps here the story structure and the balance of power between the characters are in conflict; it makes sense to end the film on the strong scene that changes the relationship in a major way — but that means the viewer doesn’t get to know if that change leads to improvement. We never learn if Reynolds eventually becomes a better partner; we only know that Alma is committed to him either way.

No matter how satisfying the couple’s new arrangement is to watch, I don’t see how it would help with the actual problems in their relationship. They are at different stages of life, and that exacerbates the natural differences between their temperaments. Reynolds doesn’t respect Alma as an equal; he insults her and allows others to insult her to his face. He has immense power and privilege over her socially and materially. He has a career that he loves and a devoted sister, but she has no life outside of him — no friends, family, interests, hobbies, income, etc. — and it’s hard to tell if it’s sexist writing, intended characterization, or both.

How is any of that going to be helped by them growing closer emotionally? You two found a love language you have in common and unlocked a new level of intimacy and mutual understanding, congratulations! Is it going to broaden Alma’s horizons and opportunities? Is it going to give Reynolds more progressive views and social awareness, enough to at least defend the honor of his lower class wife? Is he going to stop being emotionally abusive because he is emotionally fulfilled?

This would imply that Reynolds behaves the way he does simply because he is too high-strung and he just needs to take a chill pill. That the problems in their relationship can be reduced to him being a control freak, and once he gets accustomed to giving up control and learns to enjoy it, and then he’ll be a good partner. Sorry, but it’s hard for me to believe that one can tame, let alone fix someone by domming them.

The film seems to attempt a subversion of the patriarchal, hierarchical “artist/muse” “upper class/working class” “man/woman” power dynamics. But the characters do not dismantle that existing power imbalance: instead, they build something new and mutually satisfying on top of it. The film intentionally avoids the feminist wish fulfillment route: Alma doesn’t liberate herself, and she doesn’t even want to. It’s a fairy tale where the Beast doesn’t really become a better person, so the Beauty becomes a worse one to “match” him… but she’s still locked inside his castle. Alma doesn’t abandon the role of a muse, only adds another traditionally feminine role to it: mother. As Feminist Frequency’s review puts it, “Traditional, restrictive gender roles are not escaped; one set is just briefly swapped out for another.” Related: it might be just a consequence of Reynolds’s chosen trade, but the people Alma walks over in her bids for his attention are always women (Barbara Rose, the seamstresses).

Speaking of motherhood… What happens when the woman who likes to treat her husband like a baby gets a real baby? How does she split her time between them? Does she end up neglecting one of them, does that make Reynolds jealous or more abusive? Or will he by that time have gone through enough personal growth to be actually fit for fatherhood? An interview with an expert on Alma’s specific brand of abuse asks an even more worrying question: “I also wondered about the baby at the end, because those who engage in the behavior are likely to do it [again] when similar situations arise. So as the baby gains skills of emancipation, would Alma be equally threatened by that? I saw the baby and thought: Oh no, it may be at risk.”

Perhaps I am being overly cynical and uncharitable here because of who made the film. When an artist with a history of being cruel to his girlfriend writes a story about an artist being cruel to his girlfriend, and makes the fictional girlfriend abusive too, how can I not question it? This film was already very awkward to approach and enjoy as a fan of Fiona Apple, even regardless of its content.

The relationship development

Another thing that didn’t work very well for me in the final sequence is something that also applies to the other parts of the film: the internal logic of the couple’s relationship development. Reynolds goes from “This was a mistake, I can’t live like this, I want a divorce” to “Intoxicate me now 😏 With your lovin’ now 😍 I think I’m ready now 😳” in the space of one cut. These scenes are directly adjacent with no development between them. It makes sense from Alma’s perspective (“what an asshole he’s being, he needs to be poisoned ASAP”), but not from Reynolds’s.

On Alma’s side, though, there’s also a bit of weirdness: Alma to Reynolds: Don’t worry babe you’re not gonna die, I’ll take care of you <3 Alma to the doctor: If he died that’d be fine by me, we’d just meet in the afterlife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really can’t tell how I am supposed to take this, and which of the men she was lying to!

But let’s go back to the beginning of the film. Throughout the initial phase of the relationship, I was sure that Reynolds chose playful bullying as his flirting tactic consciously, but later in the film he showed so little self-awareness that I started to suspect he thought that was a normal way to show interest in a girl you just met. Either way, I was surprised that the way he condescended to her changed considerably when the seduction was over, though in retrospect it makes sense. On Alma’s side, there was a similar shift: she was far more welcoming of his insulting methods of flirting than I would expect from a self-respecting adult with a strong personality, and started rebelling when they settled into domesticity. Perhaps the domineering attitude of a handsome stranger showering her with attention was exciting at first, but when their relationship became routine, she quickly grew sick of being treated like a second class citizen in what has become her own home. (I wasn’t joking with the quote at the top of the review: it was my genuine and immediate impression that Alma goes along with the 342561 red flags exhibited during the very first day not because she’s a doormat but because she’s a freak.)

The love at first sight didn’t work for me, as well as the couple’s determination to stay together despite their incompatibility. I’m just not convinced that they actually love each other as entire human beings. They do love certain sides of each other. Reynolds loves the muse with the perfect measurements; the assistant totally devoted to him; the new woman (future) finally displacing his older sister (present) and mother (past) while, unlike them, also being his sexual partner. Alma loves the genius who makes her feel beautiful and important. They both love the persona the other assumes in a caretaking scenario. But is there a deeper connection? Do they actually love each other unconditionally, not just the aspects of each other that fulfill their needs? I’ve seen quotes in confirmation of that from PTA and Vicky Krieps — but the text itself provides no satisfactory evidence of that.

Obligatory comparisons with other films

I like to chain movies together because of themes or character dynamics they share. A couple of reviews for Crimes of the Future mentioned this film, and I decided to watch it next assuming that the similarities start and end with the relationship between an aging artist and a strong-willed younger woman. Turns out, these two films also make an interesting double feature because in some ways they’re an inverse of each other. Crimes of the Future and its main couple wear abnormality on their sleeve, but the central relationship is healthy and stable; Phantom Tread appears classy and family-friendly, hiding the more shocking aspects of the relationship beneath the luxurious surface. Both films are very sensual without the conventional sex scenes, but the approach is diametrically opposite: Crimes of the Future circumvents the content rating system, managing to put explicit scenes on screen just because they don’t contain specific banned body parts; Phantom Thread purposefully and conspicuously avoids showing any sex or nudity to preserve the aesthetic and make other scenes feel more charged. The protagonist’s old age is important in both: for Saul, it’s deteriorating health and conservatism towards newer ideologies and ways of interacting with and modifying one’s body; for Reynolds, it is the decades of habit and privilege making him internalize the belief that his own authority, taste, routines are something absolute and unquestionable.

A bigger surprise was the two films also shared the theme of food and eating. Crimes of the Future: eating as a fundamental bodily function, food as means of sustenance, and the politics of food; Phantom Thread: eating as pleasure, food as means of human connection, and the power dynamics of feeding and being fed. Both films go deeper than the surface: food is not just something that is served and tasted, but chewed, swallowed, and digested, which is not necessarily a smooth and uncomplicated process. Phantom Thread’s exploration of the food theme is probably the best one I’ve seen so far not just in film but in any media, and the only one I can think of where “food as love and sex” made sense for me.

Choosing The Favourite as the next film to watch after this one was a good choice too: they also had some things in common. There’s a young woman winning an older and more powerful person’s affection by taking care of them while they’re sick, there are toxic relationship, there’s even literal poison... The older parties are similarly spoiled and eccentric but very different in certain important ways, and the protagonists are even more alike.

People have mentioned this film’s similarities to Rebecca, which I haven’t read or watched; my own first thought was about Misery, which I also haven’t read or watched. Out of the films I’ve seen before, there’s Crimson Peak — someone made an entire Venn diagram for their similarities. I’ve also seen comparisons with a number of other films, mostly ones I haven’t seen. Is Phantom Thread more intertextual than the usual or is that just me?

[chongoblog]

Zero Time Dilemma Review/Ramble

Okay, so if you’ve been following me, you know that I’ve gotten into the Zero Escape series, famous for 999 and Virtue’s Last Reward, streaming both games. I recently took the time to experience the last game, Zero Time Dilemma by watching cutscenes rather than playing it proper mostly because A) I heard it was REALLY dark and didnt want to risk it on Twitch and B) I wanted to experience it more freely like while I’m at work.

After experiencing it. I have......feelings about it. And because there’s MASSIVE spoilers involved, I’m making it its own post under the ReadMore below.

tl;dr LOADS of bullshit, flawed execution, and stupid decisions, but still REALLY enjoyed it

Okay so a LOT of this is going to be complaining, and like I said in the tl;dr I still legit enjoyed this game, so I’m gonna make this a compliment sandwich by saying something nice now, loading up on complaints, then ending with more compliments. Carlos is good. So is Sean. Sigma being voiced by Matthew Mercer actually makes him more interesting imo. I REALLY like Phi’s new design and the way they build on the initial concepts brought up in VLR more accurately portray the ideas that started all the way back in 999, that being the idea of taking thoughts across timelines, just like the player. From the beginning, the theme/gimmick was always “what if your character remembered information when you savescummed?” In 999 that began as flashes of information, and in VLR the characters’ consciousness actually time traveled at the very end. ZTD now uses the idea of the consciousness traveling across time and space and RUNS with it. I also think that Delta has a cool design.

I’ll be nice again later, but now for the things I Did Not Like.

Emo Moody Junpei makes sense from a writing standpoint, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him. Maybe I just got spoiled since Evan Wilson did a spectacular job with his deliveries in 999 and in ZTD it seems like his soul got sucked out. Not the fault of the delivery as much as it is the writing. Eric is bad, and I feel like that statement isn’t controversial. I don’t think anyone likes Eric, and if you do, then sorry for shitting on him so much, but god I just don’t like him. And the abusive childhood thing doesn’t give me a drop of sympathy, but then again I’ve always hated the writing trick that “this person is shitty and pathetic but it’s because abuse!” (see also Mikan). Diane is boring (sorry).

But I fuuuuuckin HATE Mira. I hate Mira so much. Like, at first I thought she’d be alright, yeah she’s definitely The Boob Character™, but I liked Lotus well enough and Alice grew on me significantly, so I don’t see why Mira won’t. Then she’s like “surprise I’m a serial killer”. Now if they just made her a serial killer, it would be kinda boring so I’m glad they TRIED something new. I just think the result was bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Like....”hmm I never felt any emotions so when my mom told me they were kept in hearts I just ripped em out of people :)” is some garbage I’d write in middle school when I felt especially edgy. Also yeah seems p ableist. I won’t go too deeper into Mira, since she’s a sociopath and I don’t know enough about the actual disorder to put a candle to the real thing, but....bleh.

I won’t touch on THIS aspect for too long because I’m aware that it had barely any budget and it wouldn’t have happened without a kickstarter (don’t know the details), but the animation is just....so stiff. It really takes away from the dramatic impact some scenes are meant to have. But even IF the animation wasn’t stiff, I still am not a big fan of the darker and moodier direction it went. Although that’s moreso down to personal preference. Final note about the presentation (which is by far the game’s weakest aspect) is that I noticed multiple points in the sound mixing got to nearly Sonic Adventure 2 levels of being unable to understand what people were saying.

Alright. Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s talk about Delta. This is going to make up a MAJORITY of this post so strap in.

Delta is a meme. There’s no other way to say it briefly. He’s just such a huge fucking meme. Almost everything about him, from his plan to his “complex” motives to his backstory to his powers. I mentioned liking his design, but fuck it. That’s a meme now too. Delta is the stupidest part of the game, and as much as I kind of love it, I also need to complain about it.

First let’s talk about Delta’s plan (because it starts with the nicest part of this segment). His motives are “complex” which is actually greek for “he’s probably either a liar, an idiot, or both”. I said there was nice things, so I’ll start with those. The very ending’s “ah ah ah. I never killed any of you in this timeline. If you arrested someone for crimes of another history, there would be criminals everywhere” was something I actually legitimately enjoyed. Yeah, intent was still there and he’s still a bastard (plus there was kidnapping and non-consensual drugging involved so kind of a stupid take), but I still thought it was a fun attempt. And also the “I had to make sure I was born” thing is a mindfuck, and I love those. Basically the first retort is “well I’m alive, right? So I don’t need to make sure I was born with powers because I WAS born with powers, which means it happened in another universe. So I don’t have to.” Only to then realize that we’re just in the universe where he DID do that but then the only justification is “someone had to” right? Wrong. Let’s talk about the rest of his “complex” motives

So I give a pass to “I had to make sure I was born”, but now we see why he had to do this whole deal and what he declares at the end of the game. That there’s some religious fanatic who intends to blow up the world and completely end humanity. And he released Radical-6 in the VLR timeline hoping that it would kill the terroris only killing 4 billion people instead of 6 billion people. In the timeline at the end of ZTD, he says that they had used this experience to hone the skills of the Shifters that way they could use their newly honed take down the religious fanatic WITHOUT Radical-6 and save the world.

What?

Now......before I tear into this.....I have ONE nice thing to say. The “unleash radical 6 and kill 4 billion vs let a terrorist end humanity” gambit IS cleverly foreshadowed with the radical 6 decision game with Q Team. But also wouldn’t that have made, like 1800 times more narrative sense to give that decision game to team D who KNOWS the impact of radical 6, or team C who he explains this plan to later on? Damn, even my nice thing was backhanded. Alright let’s REALLY tear into it.

FIRST of all, this is the exact same plot of Virtue’s Last Reward. Only difference is that somehow Akane and Junpei are just as skilled at this technique as Sigma and Phi despite the latter going to do Moon Training (granted the moon training was also to give them enough of a jump to go back 45 years). Speaking of Virtue’s Last Reward, this game also reveals that Delta is Brother, the leader of Free the Soul. A group of religious fanatics. So I wouldn’t be especially shocked if the religious fanatic is working with Free the Soul. But for the sake of this argument, let’s just say they aren’t with FtS. How in the Flavor-Blasted FUCK does he know this? Did somebody Shift back from that timeline and then just get Mind hacked (and we’ll fUCKING talk about Mind Hacking dont you worry)? How would that be the only piece of information known about the end of the god damn world? And if there IS more, then why the fuck wouldn’t you tell them the information? How does he know that it’s inevitable when apparently a god damn snail can unleash Radical-6?

I call bullshit on the “religious fanatic” thing. Wanna know why? Because at this point, Delta had already founded Free The Soul. He started this shit in 1938. At this point in time, he and the rest of the Free the Soul had already kidnapped Alice’s dad to create clones of his dead brother. He was pushing for a new world order and then in the VLR timeline, tried to PREVENT this whole thing from happening by sending Dio to the Moon. So if he actually gave a shit about “honing their abilities” then why would he do everything in his power to stop it? There is ONE out that there can be, but it’s something not even HINTED at (and I’ll talk about this later), but I think that "religious fanatic” is a big ol’ lie that he made up to try and save face when he was faced with a consequence, but even that explanation makes no sense since he’s like “lol shoot me if u wanna I wont mind hack you”

And let’s talk about mind hacking. Let’s fucking talk about Mind Hacking. Adding Mind Hacking was stupid, completely pointless, out of left field, and actively makes Delta a worse character. For those that don’t know, Mind Hacking is an ability that only Delta has (and I guess the player character technically but that’s a whole meta thing from VLR that doesn’t get followed up on) where you can read people’s minds and also fuckin control them. Why? Why was this necessary, ZTD? You wanna know what I thought was really neat? When I saw that different timelines produced different X-Codes. I thought “oh shit, I know this is Game Stuff, but the sheer foresight of the villain to do that? That’s some Moriarty shit.” It would require some insane explanations, but we’ve had enough sci-fi that we could imagine with enough advanced tech, you could set up systems that could use conditionals to give certain responses based on certain outcomes. Like if someone dies after the decontamination room button is pressed, then the central computer outputs a different X-Code than if it’s after the initial vote. Just make up a new tech that accounts for Shifting (plus the QUANTUM COMPUTER you have RIGHT THERE) and you could make a villain with so much calculated foresight that he’s just a god damn genius. But no. Mind hacking. None of that interesting stuff, just “lol I read ur mind idiot”. No outwitting anyone, just “lol get mindhacked eric u scrub bang bang”.

Honest to god, honest to FUCKING god, do you want to know how cool the final cutscene would have made Delta look if he walked out and just KNEW what happened in another timeline because of his plans. Like everyone recognizes him as Delta and he just goes “ohoho I see you had a fun time in my other timeline” using that deduction alone. But nah, he’s just like “yo I just mindhacked y’all, nice experience y’all had” I hate mind hacking so much. There’s no part of his plan where he NEEDED to mind hack in order to succeed that could have been written without mind hacking.

Now there’s a bit of a missed opportunity here that could both make mind hacking relevant, made his motive not shit, and also maybe even developed him into a SUPER interesting character! I know this is a bit fanfic-y, but hear me out. Make Delta a VICTIM of the stable time loop/bootstrap paradox. For those who don’t know, the bootstrap paradox is when time travel makes certain events happen seemingly out of thin air since they are their own cause. Basically it’s this clip from Milo Murphy. This is something that seems like it’s KINDA there in the subtext, but if they actually dove into it, they could have a GOLD mine.

What if we keep the mindhacking, and before he even MAKES Free the Soul, he mindhacks someone who experienced the events of the “religious fanatic”. But not just anyone. An experienced SHIFTer who made it their goal to stop this religious fanatic. After hundreds of attempts, they still fail. Delta sees this and determines it to be inevitable. So he’s having fun, cursed by the knowledge of an inevitable apocalypse. Then he meets Akane, Phi, Sigma, or Junpei after they had undergone the events of VLR and ZTD. He learns that particular timeline. A bleak future, yes, but one single future where humanity is alive. He sees two futures, one in which all of humanity dies, and one where he is the leader of a religious cult that wipes out 4 Billion People with a deadly pandemic. And the idea of being that person disgusts him. He despises it. But he’s completely resigned to fate. He knows that things must go precisely as he’s seen at the price of humanity, too frightened by such a burden to even take a toe off of the predetermined pathway. His motive is that he’s so tightly bound to fate and so afraid to let it slip that he has no choice but to commit the atrocities, despising himself for it every step of the way, but considering it better than the inevitable alternative. It would give a purpose for the mindhacking powers, it would give him a solid motive, and it would make the ending SO much stronger, showing the contrast between a group of SHIFTers confident that they can change fate and the man who is completely resigned to his own. Fuck, I might steal this character concept because I REALLY think this idea would work to make an interesting villain!

Like I mentioned, this is KINDA there in subtext (with him quite frequently saying “life truly is unfair”) and this could be an interpretation of the character, but if ZTD had explored that theme, then holy hell what an interesting character Delta would be.

But even WITH this fix, holy hell, this plan is stupid. Because guess what, dingus. You just created like 30 new timelines that all end in annihilation.

He coulda said ONE line about “even if there is only one history that ends nicely, that is solace enough”, that might have been dark, but still powerful. You know, add some depth. But instead, he’s just like “hmm hmm shoot me”

And the Q Twist? I’m honestly not as mad at it as I should be. On one hand, it does that cute thing where there are little bits of foreshadowing so when you rewatch it, you notice little bits like shadows and stuff, but on the other hand, there are PLENTY of points where either the camera just straight up lies to you and doesn’t show him when he should be there or Delta’s just been fuckin SHMOOVIN on his wheelchair around the room constantly to stay out of the camera and everyone’s just been kinda chill with it. Maybe if they had been more careful with the camera it could have delivered a TOUCH better. Like, even if the shots are a bit off, that’s noticeable enough to be part of the hint, no? I don’t have as much to say about this, mostly because this post is getting long as fuck so I’m gonna wrap it up so I can move on with my life for a bit.

So even with ALL OF THAT, I still enjoyed playing the game. That’s right, compliment sandwich time. The three wards all being one ward was a really neat reveal. The fact that you can shoot Delta in one scene is creative with its replay value. I’m glad they touched on the philosophical idea of what happens to the people who made it out from the coin flip only to get SHIFTed into the exploding lab, and exploring that idea was fun. I absolutely lost my mind at the idea of the gun to sigmas head had a random chance of firing and then seeing it elaborated on in the dice scene directly after it. Gab is a good boy.

Cant wait to play AI

[asterinunfathomed]

@carmen-riddle posted her very pretty bullet journal and inspired me to post my ugly one.

This time I used a lined diary that my friend gifted me instead of buying a dotted one.

I don't have a cover page because I'm too scared of messing it up, and an index because I'm too lazy to make it now that I didn't leave any page for it.

1. The future log

This for me contains only school related or other important stuff. The next 6 months look the same.

2. A birthday spread

Because if I added birthdays in my future log there won't be space for anything else. This is when I realised the paper is thin. But I was too far gone at this point to buy another and start over.

3. Books and periods tracker

I intend to fill in the boxes with the assigned colour of the month so that I can see how much and how consistently I read. The ones that I've already filled in are the ones that I have at home or on laptop but haven't read yet.

I always had trouble remembering my dates and man does this make it easier.

4. A study schedule

Since I have my finals in May, I decided to make a schedule for it. You can see how bad I am at following it AND marking down the things that I DO complete. The whole month is not filled in because I've got preboards throughout this month. I've got similar spreads for Feb-Apr. This one is so simple because I didnt want to spend much time on it plus its supposed to be flexible and I also didn't want the ink from next month's spread spoiling my study schedule.

5. Sustainability goals

I want to try and be environmentally better this year. This are the only goals I set because like I said in an earlier posts, I'm bad at keeping one goal and following through with it the whole year. My goals gotta be specific and short-term. Ignore the handwriting, I was wearing gloves.

6. Brain dump

Its funny how my prettiest spread is literally the brain dump. I don't know why there's a cat. It was just the easiest doodle.

7. Review page

This is something I saw on Mistral Spirit's youtube channel and decided to go ahead with this. By the end of the year I don't remember a lot of stuff that happened, especially small ones. So I'll write anything big or anything that made me happy along with the date right when it happens.

8. Monthly spreads

Found a cool Harry Potter font on Pinterest and used it. The second page is me tracking my study and sleep time, which I'm clearly not happy with. The third page contains my favourite quote from my favourite movie, because I had a lot of empty space, which looks shit because I made it at 1 am and also because I have no artistic talent whatsoever. I won't tell you which line is for moods and which for screen time. Have fun guessing.

The whole point of this post was to convince everyone that a bullet journal is supposed make your life organised and easier. Last year my bullet journal was perfectly planned and as artistic as I could make it. This year its a bunch of pages that I'm gonna need to use to keep up to track with my life. Lesson learnt in a year.

[essayofthoughts]

I wanted to ask about your thoughts on tony stark? not sure if u refer to urself as an anti but id love to hear about ur thoughts on my fav boy. I recently reblogged ur post about how tony gets leeway and wanda gets hate and i sort of "reviewed" it but it was more like commentary. to me, it didnt seem like you hated tony but I just wanted to learn more about ur stance on him, if ur up for it :)

For reference, the meta mentioned can be found Here. I’m glad you found it interesting, it’s a personal favourite of the metas I’ve done. I’m afraid that I honestly cannot keep track of your commentary because of the lack of line breaks. It may be that I’m tired but the lack of paragraph separation and capitalisation mean it kind of blurs together for me.  I’m sorry.

As for Tony...

I don’t care. I’m not an anti (rather like standom I stay away from antidom as well) but I don’t find him interesting or engaging and I think the fandom has overhyped him and excused him for things he really shouldn’t be excused for, all while condemning other characters (Team Cap in general, Wanda and Steve in particular) for equal or far lesser things. Plus the way the fandom loves to villainise any character that isn’t Tony. The amount of nonsensical villainisation and just... pure bashing from Tony Stans I’ve seen in this fandom means that while I’ve tried to be neutral about Stark I did at one point come very close to hating him - a fictional damn character - before AIW came out and I decided I was pretty much done with Marvel and the MCU fandom. 

I’d like to make clear here and now that the reason I came close to hating him was less about the character as he is in the films and more about how completely obnoxious and at times utterly awful (there’s a reason I call them virulent) I found his fans to be.

Here’s my thoughts about Tony: he had the potential to be interesting but he’s never had a character arc so much as a roundabout; he resets every time. He also doesn’t really show lasting, meaningful remorse for things. He expresses guilt but then tries to find ways to fob it off on others (getting the Avengers to sign the Accords when he’s retired because he personally was blamed for something, not the Avengers as a whole), or to fob it off entirely (“This was never my life” he says to Wanda and Pietro who have suffered hugely due to what he uncaringly allowed to happen). When he does accept blame he often ends up making a bigger problem in his attempt to “fix” it, which inevitably leads to his character roundabout cycle.

He talks shit to children. He dismisses and demeans Peter’s efforts with his own initial suit. It takes not only a bomb going off and hitting him but also Yinsen’s own story for him to go “Oh no maybe selling weapons is bad” when he’s forty damn years old and maybe you can excuse some of that because he grew up in a weaponmaking family, but that he then decided that selling them was the evil and that it was fine if the weapons were in his hands -

He doesn’t see the illogic that if his judgement was so flawed in the past how on earth can he trust it’ll be good enough now to wield deadly weapons against civilians as a private citizen.

But oh well, he’s a cis white American guy he can do whatever the hell he likes, I guess. Fandom certainly seemed to think so.

The thing is, he could have been interesting. He could have been, if not good, at least a character playing with some fun questions. The idea of good-guy Tony Stark the fandom so loves has a lot of potential. I enjoy reading fic where Tony is characterised as the films seemed to intend him to be seen as (Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail by owlet does that very well) but the problem is, that isn’t the Tony we get in the films.

The Tony we get in the films is an unremitting arsehole and while he makes gestures of growth he never really changes. At the end of every film he basically resets - I’ve meta’d on Tony’s character roundabout before.

And I just don’t find that engaging. The obsessive hatred some of his fans have for any character they perceive as wronging Tony puts me off further. The outright hate some of them throw at characters I do like and I do find engaging such as Wanda makes me wonder what it is in people that like Tony that cause them to be … like that. To be hateful over fictional characters and bullies to fans of the same series as them.

I have to wonder if the way that Tony quips and insults his way through conversations with uncaring callousness makes them think that’s okay. If they relate to that, and to his lack of apologies, because they don’t want to give apologies or have to grow or change or reconsider themselves. 

A character being awful or an arsehole or a quippy clever bastard can be interesting. There are some great characters out there out there, both antagonists and protagonists. There are some straight up fantastically awful characters out there that I find engaging (Hannibal Lecter, Anna Ripley). There are complete dickwad characters out there that I find engaging (Blackadder. Hell, even Gilderoy Lockhart). There are quippy clever bastard characters out there that I find engaging (Percy de Rolo, Moist von Lipwig).

But Tony Stark isn’t one of them. Not to me. Tony Stark exists and that’s fine, but he doesn’t interest me and his fans have made me completely disinclined to watch any films he’s in, read any comics he’s in, or really engage in any areas of fandom where his stans are likely to be because it’s just. Boring and exhausting to me.

I love Wanda. I find other characters interesting. I don’t give a single solitary crap for Tony. 

Sorry dear. Probably not the answer you were hoping for!

[nitrateglow]

Well, I rewatched Two for the Road...

I found it interesting what changed during this rewatch-- certain things I found strengths the first time around, I disliked, and other elements I appreciated more. I doubt I’ll rewatch it for a long time yet, but I get its appeal a little more.

Anyway, have some scattered thoughts. I tried to be as spoiler-free as possible.

Positives:

Audrey’s performance is amazing. This is one of her more subtle, layered performances, and one I would suggest to those who believe she could not act or had no range. Joanna is largely a likeable character: charming, considerate, affectionate, and playful. However, years of a strained marriage to a selfish boor erodes her romanticism and her vindicative edge, slightly hinted at in the earlier scenes, blossoms into something ugly. I think Audrey juggles the dark side of her character with her endearing charms in a natural, non-exaggerated fashion, making this character feel very human.

The direction is playful in a 60s way. Now, this will be a strength or a weakness depending on your tolerance for 1960s cinematic hipness. Donen plays around with fast-motion, freeze frame, music, and composition in very self-conscious ways. The movie feels a little New Hollywood in that sense (though I would not count it as a bonafide entry in the New Hollywood movement-- it’s very traditional in other ways).

The physical comedy is good. Pretty much any scene with a malfunctioning car (and there are many) is handled in a deadpan manner that is almost Keatonesque. And I’m a sucker for anything that evokes Buster Keaton.

Negatives:

The “witty” dialogue feels very forced. I know a lot of people like the script for this, but I didn’t care for the dialogue at all. It felt like it was trying too hard to be hip and clever. I normally don’t cite Dennis Schwartz’s reviews, but I pretty much agree with his thoughts on the dialogue:

The supposedly clever adult banter between the always bickering couple seems less comical than just being sour grapes...

Pretty much, especially since so much of the dialogue just follows the same pattern:

Mark: You hated [thing]. Joanna: (tearfully) I loved [thing]! Mark: NO YA DIDNT. Ya hated [thing.] Joanna: I hated [thing]....

Oh, or this one:

Joanna: Marriage is good. Mark: Marriage SUCKS. Look at those miserable people! Joanna: That’s just them. Mark: NAH MARRIAGE BLOWS.

I cannot stand Albert Finney’s character. Out of all the love interests in Hepburn’s canon, I dislike Mark Wallace the most. He’s loudmouthed, selfish, and controlling, not to mention hypocritical (okay with his own infidelities, but losing his mind when Joanna has an affair of her own). He barely acknowledges the existence of his own child. He’s arrogant and annoying even when he and Joanna first meet-- I had no idea why she ever took a shine to him beyond his looks. As a result, I was rooting against the relationship at every turn, which leads me to my next point.....

Because Mark is so unlikable, I do not get why Joanna stays with him.  About all he’s got going are looks, moments of good humor, and an animal sexual magnetism. Otherwise, he’s a boorish jerk who badmouths marriage constantly and takes Joanna for granted once they do marry. He does eventually have a turning moment, but it comes so late in the movie and is so quickly done, that I found myself utterly unmoved by it. In fact, the whole ending just felt like a cop-out to me-- had this movie come out even five years later, I think the ending would have been quite darker. As it was, it felt too cute and neat. I just didn’t buy the resolution.

The nonlinear structure makes the plot not only confusing, but repetitive. The first time I saw this movie, the nonlinear structure was about the only element of the production that I consistently praised. Now, I found it was one of my least favorite things about it!

At first, the cuts between the happier moments of the past and the more bitter scenes in the present are ironic and clever (we cut from the young lovers basking in the afterglow of their first sexual encounter to them in a later period, married and just complaining about how badly they slept the night before). By the hour point, I felt the cutting between the four time periods killed the flow of the story and often felt clever for the sake of being clever-- I think seeing the relationship slowly go bad would have worked better than constantly cutting the way they did.

And then, the bickering just becomes tiresome as hell-- I ceased to be upset for Joanna or annoyed at Mark during the final half of the movie. I was just exhausted and indifferent by the sour grape parade... and judging from the emotional Mancini music and the acting, I do not think Donen intended for me to be apathetic by the end. Enervated maybe, but not apathetic.

Final thoughts:

I’m glad I rewatched Two for the Road. I feel like I get why people like it a little bit more, but I confess that by the end, I was just left cold by the whole affair. It really isn’t my thing, I guess, but not everything can be. And if you haven’t seen it, then don’t let me put you off. A lot of people treasure this movie and more power to them.

[diamondcamefromhell]

Jaskier x fem!Reader pt.5

IT’S THE FINALE!

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

It turned out longer than I intended, but i didnt want to split it up even more, so here it goes. i enjoyed writing it, i hope the time jump didnt mess up with your invesment in the story and what not and i hope you enjoy how this story ends! 

Requests are open  [no smut, everything else goes]

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,993

feel free to leave your reviews of this full story, any and all feedback is appreciated <3

We tried. I promise, we tried to find a home, but nothing felt quite right.

There were a few buildings, we stayed for a couple of weeks, feeling a bliss of finally settling down, but soon, something urged us to move again. A voice telling us this place wasn’t right. We met people too, made some friends, stayed with them for a while. But we ended up on different paths.

We tried solitude too, just me and him, enjoying the nature. We loved that, as I slowly began learning how to play the lute – even if I was horrible at it. Sky preferred the wilderness as well. But nothing felt quite right. Something was always missing.

And then we parted ways. I don’t quite know how it happened. I wish I did. I tried to pinpoint it, but to no avail. We loved each other so much, but yet not enough. Something just didn’t fit. I settled back to my roots – found a bar I actually liked working at. It wasn’t just piss and ale, it was travellers with stories, women encouraging each other.

Sky and Jaskier started going on adventures without me. Each one longer than the last. Until we stood there, as I hugged Sky goodbye, and kissed Jaskier, knowing I won’t see them for a while this time.

Maybe for forever.

It’s been a year since I last heard Jaskier’s voice, and I still wake up at night, craving it like air. I catch myself humming many of his ballads, even the one I hate the most. If any travellers mention any bards, I grill them trying to find out if it could be him.

So far, it hasn’t.

I miss Sky too, but I know he is far happier actually running around, going places. A horse like him could never thrive in the back of a tavern. I now realize bard is a similar way, there is only so much he can write about staying in one place. I had to let them go.

However, I never expected to meet other people from the past.

I serve ale to one of travellers when taverns doors open. I glance at it, not expecting much, but almost drop the cup when I see who walks in.

“Geralt.” I am drowned by a mix of emotions. Part of me wants to run away and hide, pretend I never saw him. Part of me wants to run to him and hug him and tell him how much I missed him. How I much I miss us all. His yellow eyes scan the bar, stopping at me. “Hi.”

“Long time no see.” The other travellers moves out of the way as Witcher approaches me. He hasn’t aged a day in these couple of years. I feel like I am about to cry, so I take a deep breath in, until I see him scan the room. Looking for something.

“Jaskiers not here.” I can’t stop my voice from breaking, and Geralt immediately catches that. Our eyes meet.

“Why? Where is the bard?” I sense a hint of worry in his voice and my sad heart saddens even more.

“He’s fine. I think he is.” I cover my face with my hands, holding back the tears. Barely, tough. “We parted ways, Geralt. I don’t know.”

“Why?” I slam my hand on the table, startling some men who were nearby.

“I don’t know, Geralt. I really don’t know what the fuck went wrong, or where.” My voice shakes. “But ever since that stupid dragon, we been drifting. And we drifted, I guess.”

“I’m sorry.” I press my lips together.

“Yeah. As am I.” I say sarcastically, until I take a breath in, chasing the anger away. “It’s been two years. How have you been?”

“Y/N.” I stare at the Witcher, who literally just ignored my question.

“What?” I bitterly ask, as he sits down.

“You miss him.” Geralt is not taking his eyes off me and I try my best to not crumble under his stare.

“Of course I miss him. Just like I miss Sky.” My voice grows quiet. “Just like we both missed you.”

“I am sorry about that, Y/N.” I know he means it, but I chase his apology out of my mind. I wont allow myself to forgive so easily. I simply can’t.

“Yeah well, it’s a bit too late for that, don’t you think?” I pour him some ale, placing it on the table. “Ale’s on me. Enjoy.”

I walk around the bar, leaving the Witcher behind. I need to catch a breath. I slam the taverns door, breathing in the fresh air. Streets are silent. I glance around, seeing Roach tied to a horse post. I rush to my old friend.

“Hey beauty.” I don’t care if Witcher threatens to break my hands, I hug his horse, who neighs in response.

She looks as healthy as ever. Still strong. I am glad to see her so well. I wonder if Sky is okay, it never once struck me to ask Jaskier if he knows how to take care of horses.

I am not even sure if he can take care of himself.

I chase the thought away, petting Roach. I cant allow myself drift into those dark thoughts. It’s a slope, and I always end up falling all the way to the bottom. I glance at the tavern, not really believing Geralt was sitting there. And he apologized. I wonder what would Jask do, if he was here.

But then, he had a heart far bigger than mine or Geralt’s. He would forgive his old friend in a heartbeat, asking about all the adventures he missed. I don’t realize I’m gripping the reigns and softly sobbing until I hear Witcher grunt.

I wipe away my tears, letting go of Roach, before I face him.

“I don’t believe Jaskier would leave you just like that.” I avoid his gaze. “Tell me what happened, maybe I can help.”

“There is nothing you can do Witcher.” I raise my voice. “People change. Jaskier did. As did I.”

“You still love him.” I now glare at Geralt, but his face remains emotionless.

“Love is not a thing that just goes away. Even if the person you love isn’t there, the feeling stays.” I hiss, as Roach anxiously snorts. “We never stopped loving you, Geralt. I will never stop loving him. But sometimes people leave, and you just have to deal with that.”

“But you both loved each other.” I roll my eyes, not believing I am actually having this conversation with him now.

“You also loved us. But you still left.” I bitterly point out. I hang my head low. “He never stopped singing about you.”

Geralt doesn’t respond, and I wipe more tears that managed to escape. I would go against all the monsters we ever fought just to hear Jaskier sing again. Just to see him annoy the mighty Witcher.

My mind sometimes goes to the day I first met them, and they saved me from a shitty job I had. They showed me the world, showed me how to live. I was convinced I would have to leave them, but with time, that feeling went away.

And then I lost them both. Sky too. I ended up back where I began, even more alone than before. My heart was fuller, sure, but it was fuller of sadness and grief over lost times.

“You want to look for him?” I lift my teary eyes, feeling like I lived a thousand lifetimes already. I wanted to see him again, but I was simply too tired to do it. Too scared of losing him again.

“He knows where to find me, Geralt.” My voice is quiet. “He knows he has a home here, if he wishes to come back.”

“Hm.” I smile as this brings back so many memories, a simple hm taking me years back. I sigh.

“I’m glad you stopped by. I missed you.” I place my hand on Roach, petting her cheek. “I missed her too.”

“You miss adventures, Y/N.” He argues but I smile, with a heavy heart looking back at Witcher.

“I miss having a home.” I confess, realizing my home was with them both. There was something so complete when we all were together, like puzzle pieces, joining. Things weren’t always nice, or easy, but it was home. I felt safe, accepted and loved. Always encouraged to grow. I pull out my silver dagger, the one Geralt gave me, and show it to him now. “This is all I have left now.”

“Don’t you want to look for home?” I shake my head.

“I am not an adventurer, Geralt.” I smirk, handing him the dagger. “I need to settle down.”

He takes it out of my hands, and I pull the other, iron one, out too. He takes that as well. I cant bear another farewell, so I pat his arm, walking back in the tavern, leaving him behind yet again. The rest of the day passes calmly, none of the men ask me about how I know the Witcher.

I don’t rush to tell anything either.

The evening comes and I got to my room upstairs. I try to hurry up and settle in my bed but tonight it feels especially empty. I try my best to stay calm, but tears take over, and I spend another lonely night.

When I finally fall asleep, the bliss doesn’t last long, as nightmares rush in, slashing my throat, shaking me awake. I don’t go back to bed until dawn. I simply can’t. I enjoy the sunrise through my window, breathing in the fresh breeze, looking out as some of townsfolk wake. I hear horses neigh in nearby stable. Chatter starts downstairs.

When I go there, room grows silent. I realize I must look horrible, but I don’t care.

“Y/N, you don’t have to work today.” The tavern owner tells me. He’s an elder man, who in many ways reminds me of Borch. I nod.

“I came here for some ale, that’s all.” I quietly say.

The day goes by. Some of women come and try to comfort me, asking if they can help. I appreciate their concerns, but push them away. I tell them I fine, and I tell myself that, to the point where I almost believe it.

Weeks go by and Geralt seems to become a distant memory again. People at the bar also stop their whispers whenever they see me. I finally manage to sleep for more than two hours. Things are fine again. I can almost pretend I never left the first tavern I worked at. I can almost erase all of the memories.

But sometimes I can still taste Jaskier’s smile.

I sigh, going back to my sad reality, where I am cleaning up ale from the tables. Just how my life was always meant to be. Until I hear a lute behind me.

When I look for the sound, I see him. Just like the first day, wearing a matching pale blue suit. However, this time it’s different, it has gold roses all over it. I see Geralt behind him, looking moody as always. I didn’t expect to see them separately ever again.

Yet alone together.

I stare at bard in disbelief, as he continues playing, but he doesn’t sing. Our eyes meet, and it feels like the rest of the tavern disappears. I am overwhelmed with emotions, so much pain but so much relief to see him again. My heart and all crevices of the soul fill with love and fear of it being ripped away again. Even hope manages to squeeze in.

His melody sounds sad, but hopeful. I could listen to it forever, but then again, I could just listen to him forever. When the music stops, I realize half the tavern is taring at us. Most of them know Jaskier, they have met him before, and some of them saw me talk to Witcher. I guess they never would have put all three of us together.

I don’t blame them.

“Y/N.” My gaze is drawn from the men, back to the bard. His voice proves to me that he’s real. It’s deeper than I remember.

“Jaskier.” I don’t know what to say. What to do. I blink, as if to see if he won’t disappear. I look over his shoulder. “Geralt?”

“I ran into the bard.” His voice rings in my ears as I begin to feel dizzy. This is too much. “I was going this way, so I just stopped by again.”

“Hm.” I say, as the room goes black.

When I open my eyes, I don’t expect to see Jaskier, but yet, here he is, looking down to me as his eyes paint with worry and relief at the same time. I see Geralt standing in the corner, with his eyes also glued to me.

“Oh thank heavens you’re okay.” I look back at the bard, still, short for words.

“What happened?” I ask, my voice cranky.

“You passed out.” I roll my eyes at Witcher, trying to sit up. Jaskier rushes to help me, but I don’t allow him. Pushing his hands away, sitting up myself.

“I figured that much.” I glance at Jaskier. “Why are you here?”

“I thought you’d be happy to see me.” My heart aches and I want to reach for his hand, but I stop myself.

“I am. Truly, I am. I just, I don’t understand.” I close my eyes, slowly breathing in.

“Ah, well. Geralt ran into me and Sky in one of the towns nearby. I was just playing with lute outside one of the taverns when I saw him.” I glance at Geralt, who shows no emotion. “He didn’t even say hello, he just walked up and punched me in the groin.”

“You deserved it.” Geralt grunts, and I feel a smile creep on my face.

“Either way, that was his way of saying hello. After we caught up a little he was eager to tell me he ran into you.” Jaskier’s tone changes from playful, to serious. “He told me you looked really… unwell. And sad.”

“How kind of him.” I say, sarcastically. Jaskier takes my arm in his, and I find this sensation so familiar my beating heart calms down almost right away.

“I wanted to come back sooner, I did. I just… I was scared.” I squeeze his hand just a little, encouraging him to talk. “I was scared you might be angry at me. I didn’t even consider the fact that you could be missing me too.”

“Of course I missed you, Jaskier!” I lean closer to the bard. “I missed you every day since you were gone. I was never angry you left, I understand this domestic life isn’t exactly for you. I just wanted to see you again, to hold you again. You can ask almost anyone at the tavern, they all know.”

“It just seemed like we were drifting, and it was painful to see you going through that.” I cover my face with my hands, hiding my frustration.

“Drifting apart or not, I still love you Jaskier.” I cry out, not hiding my emotions anymore. I look at him now, also teary eyed. “Not for a split second did I stop loving you.”

“Neither did I.” Jaskier agrees, gripping my hand even tighter.

“So this was a pointless fallout?” I glance at Geralt, smiling.

“Nothing is pointless.” I face Jaskier again. “Even the ugliest things have beauty in them.”

“Y/N… I am so sorry.” I pull him into a hug, embracing him so tightly, I felt I might squeeze his brains out. My eyes land on Geralt.

“Thank you.” I mouth, silently. I know he went to find Jaskier. He didn’t just run into him. He did it, for us. Because Witcher too, after all these years, didn’t stop caring about us.

“Shh.” He puts his fingers on his lips, giving me a smile.

Things didn’t just go back to normal, no. It took time, and effort. But Jaskier and I put that in, and with each day we made more and more progress, becoming stronger than we ever were before. Geralt stayed with us for a few days, before embarking on another adventure. He promised he would come visit us as often as he could.

He also kindly, through many angry grunts and stares, gave Jaskier enough material to write ballads without having to leave me again. At least for a little while.

So we worked like that. We found our balance. Jaskier would sometimes harass Geralt and tag along on his ventures, once in a blue moon even I would come, just to annoy the Witcher even more. However, I preferred staying here, working. Eventually, the tavern owner decided he was too old to deal with drunken men and angry travellers, so I took over for him.

The tavern was officially mine. Jaskier spend a lot of time here, entertaining the guests, who carried his ballads far and wide. Witcher kept his promise too, visiting us, although he would always insist he was here ‘just for free ale.’

With time, he started coming with Yennefer, who proved to be a great woman. Jaskier and her stopped bickering, and all was well.

We found a balance, so perfect for us, it was unreal. Of course, we had our arguments and fights. But in the end, things always worked out.

And here we were, listening to Jaskier sing a song he wrote for all of us. Yennefer smiling and even singing along, Geralt sipping his drink with a slight curl to his lips, and me, serving up ale to my friends, dancing and prancing to the music of my true love.

The journey wasn’t easy. But the journey led us here, to this very moment. It was worth it all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to thank everyone who continued reading this short story. it gave me the courage to keep writing, and i know it took only two days for me to finish it, i am still sooo glad i was able to take this adventure, and to take you all with me.

basically, thank you all for giving me a voice and listening. it means the world. all the kind words I got, i wish you knew how much i needed this encouragement. i will try to do better and grow even more for you all.

thank you from the bottom of my heart

butterflies and kisses,

diamond x 

[yuzuka-rei]

my last hours: chain of gold review

its practically tradition for me, every time i finish a cassie claire book, i whip open my long abandoned tumblr and yell about characters. 

discussion is always welcome but if you’re like SUPER into this book don’t read this you’ll just get mad. also claire dont read this. 

my biggest problem with this book is that it doesn’t take enough risks, it sticks to a known successful formula (the infernal devices remains the best shadowhunters series) and what results is a book that is nostalgic, not bad, but not breaking any new ground. 

i’ll talk about what i liked first. i loved some of the storylines claire brought up in this book, BUT SHE BARELY EXPANDED ON ANY OF THEM.

you know what would’ve felt fresh and painful? charles fairchild. i want to read about Charles Fairchild, and his ambition, i want to read about his love for Alastair and how all he wishes is for his lover to just understand how much he *wants* to be consul. i want to read about his conflicted affection for Ariadne. i want to sympathise with HIM, because that would be so interesting, similar to what we had with jessamine, but with a man this time. we don’t have to like him, he just has to be interesting. 

what i’d also have loved would be more about lucie’s insecurity about being “the second herondale”. tbh, it would’ve been really interesting for her to have turned to the dark but this is a shadowhunters book the moral conflict always comes with the relationships, not the fantasy plot. but anyways what is the DEAL with “the beautiful cordelia” that is the fucking gayest thing i have ever laid eyes on in my entire life. also thats all lucie and cordelia’s relationship is based on, just the fact that lucie writes to cordelia, and it makes it feel so cheap because all cordelia does is think about james. lucie reminds me of dru, the forgotten younger sister, but because dru was not expanded on in tda i think it would’ve been fresh to read about lucie and her insecurity

also: matthew fairchild. right now he feels super repetitive, basically just will herondale again but this time he also fucks boys!! what a CHANGE. will shouldve been able to see his younger self in matthew and help him, so this makes minimal sense. even if we *have* to have this super repetitive plot element, i want to read about matthew and how he is different drunk and sober. i want to see him literally fail his friends and risk their lives, multiple times, because he is too drunk to do shit. i want to see him sober, suddenly so uncharming and pitiful. also i fucking want to see hints that he’s in love with cordelia. yes there are “hints”, but this “love” feels really cheap as well. basically so many of the relationships in cog feel super cheap because you’re supposed to believe that matthew falls in love with cordelia because of like three interactions. (although a parallel to this would be cristina and mark, who also didn’t have that much interaction before they fell in love, but mark was so broken and cristina is literally the sweetest, that made more sense. matthew and cordelia?? kinda a cheap play esp considering how will and jem were also parabatai) 

WRITE MORE ABOUT ALASTAIR. matthew seems way too put together and a “tragic romantic figure” in this book to make us Really see alastair as someone who should be hated. i want to HATE alastair but at the same time feel so much pity and pride for him. i know claire tried to make us dislike him but didnt work lol

oh i also loved the merry thieves i LOVE their friendship please give me more of that sweet sweet friendship juice. now this sort of marauders (im sorry im such a big marauders fan) brotherhood is something i haven’t seen from claire before and id love to read more about it

NOW I SCREAM ABOUT WHAT I DISLIKED

1, james fucking herondale. he is the most blandly and poorly written “male lead” in a claire book i’ve read for a long time. i’m all for reading about very stupid boys who are stupid about girls but the whole wild shift between grace and cordelia makes him seem like trash even with the bracelet influence. i disliked julian (i literally forgot his name and had to search it up), but julian’s fierce devotion to his family was interesting and grounded him. james is just ?? i guess he has the ability to go to the shadow realm?? like ngl i know nothing about his character and tbh i dont want to know more. 

2, cordelia. carstairs. who is basically if you scrambled clary and emma together and added a pinch of cristina. she’s not a BAD character, and since we’re supposed to see her as the “self insert” (i assume), her being a bit bland was probably intended. but this IS like... the fourth shadowhunter series. can we get a female character who is the hot troubled one instead?? i want HER to be the one with the tragic terrible secret, i want her to lash out and go drinking and push everyone away. cordelia in this book exists to love and protect james, and that makes her... even more boring than clary, who you know at least had her own strong agenda instead of this “oh i have to save my father wait hes a drunk” arc

3, matthew fairchild is basically just will herondale if he were less in love with his parabatai and more gay coded (oscar wilde?? waistcoats?? really???) . i wish he were written as a proper casanova, seen dating a different girl or boy every scene because then it would Hurt to see cordelia dismiss his feelings because of his behaviour. tbh i just,,, like matthew fairchild but hes so similar to will it hurts that his potential is being squandered.

4, this book just feels like tid but the side characters are like the tda ones. 

5, anna lightwood is basically magnus bane and i hate it but i love it

6, tbh most of the romances weren’t heart wrenching. cordelia having to marry james as an alibi was the only cool thing out of this book and even that was a bit odd. alastair being charles’ secret lover was Pretty out of the blue and that hurt but he literally left the relationship after one scene?? thats not realistic?? i want alastair to fall back into old habits, then try to leave again, then fall back again, then leave for Good. all of these romances are so whirlwild and mean so little, and they probably seem really cool to a 14 year old child but now they just feel... childish and stupid. TDA may have spoilt me for well built relationships, as much as i dislike emma and julian, their romance made SENSE. kit and ty? had feelings development. kieran and mark had their whole “we had to love each other to survive but now we don’t have to now what” struggle that was well laid out anyways. 

BASICALLY, THE CHARACTERS IN THIS BOOK WERE WRITTEN TO BE IMMATURE, SHELTERED 17 YEAR OLDS AND IT’S UNSURPRISINGLY BORING TO READ 

also: if jesse blackthorn, a dear character in our hearts, showed love towards his mother, she would feel more three dimensional but alas sakjfh

[rogueshipagogo]

ppl have been asking me my opinions on space channel 5 vr... and i guess since i bought a vr headset off craigslist just so i could play it and speedrun it before work the day it came out... i should talk abt it now... i dont rly think i’ll be able to separate it into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things i think i’m just going to do a rambly stream of consciousness bc i have a headache... but i DO have good things to say abt this game... so st.... sta stay t tune  d

right off the bat, the thing i appreciate most abt this game- i like that space channel 5 vr doesnt have cash grab vibes. i Do genuinely believe that they Wanted to make this game For the people who are still obsessed with it, and that they ultimately did what they set out to do when they intended to scale certain aspects of the series up conceptually to match the way the fandom perceives it nowadays. but like i’ve said before... i’m not going to Disagree with the very common conclusion that it Needed to be longer, or at Least more intricate plot-wise. one of my fun and fresh excuses for sc5vr being as short as it is is because you arent really supposed to be playing vr games for too long anyways, its really disorienting and kinda painful, but even that doesn’t account for why so much of the game that we got is a rehash of old settings, concepts, songs, and characters. [i dont even have a problem with reusing old songs, i just think the ones they chose ended up being misleading]

for example i think it makes sense that the first report is a remake of the first games first report on the surface, it’s meant to take you back to the way the first game felt and give you an idea of what it means that the games classic scenery can be rendered in actual high quality detail now [same with the recurrence of events like encountering the space pirates in the asteroid belt/the last battle against a villain being singing to it about what it’s done wrong], but i really thought, like, report 1 was going to end up being a simulated scenario for the benefit of lou and kee’s training... which i dont think ended up being the case??? i think they really did write ‘ok here you are in the first game’s setting again, fighting the old enemies again, because... :^) ok have fun playing report 2!’

and then whats report 2... you fight another old boss from the first game... but theres Still no clear villain or motivation for anything thats happening... and there wont be until like... basically the end of the game...

like, glitter is a really cute character, but its kind of underwhelming that shes just a random citizen who was kidnapped by an entity that we NEVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT... like part 1 was extremely notable for being about corporate greed and corruption, part 2 honestly wasnt that political in comparison but at least made you do a think wrt purge’s motivation and his methods, and this game just has a plot device that feels like it’ll do smth but then ends up not doing anything beyond what we already learned about it from the information on its character bio before the game was out. if it turns out that cell x is actually relevant again in a future entry in the franchise and they do have a more developed concept for what cell x Is in mind, i’ll do an entire backflip, but for now its just chalked up to being the result of More Space Hijinks that dont need to be explained

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE ALLUSIONS TO CELL X BEING AN ENTITY THAT FEEDS OFF OF DANCE ENERGY... it had me thinking that there would have to be some New Method of fighting it off that didn’t just lend it more power in the process, but nah apparently just tacking on the disclaimer ‘*this dance energy is not for glitter’ is enough to turn it from smth it can consume for power into big attacks you can use to kill it... like honestly it sounds like im asking for a lot from a game that has Never made too much sense, but considering that in part 2 they could add details like ‘oh didnt you know purge can open pocket dimensions? ulala is capable of manifesting tangible dance energy and the only other person who can do that is purge???’, its not like they havent come up with weird new shit for dance energy to do within the plot before. they just didnt do it in this game fsr

like did anyone else think that cell x/glitter was going to be the result of tossing purge out into deep space and him encountering the sc5 universe’s equivalent of an eldritch alien creature, smth more bestial than morolians?? even if purge wasnt part of it, when you say ‘uh oh, this guy Eats this society’s only source of energy!!!’ i expect the stakes to get HIGH, and i want the ramifications of it to be kinda STARTLING, because blank wanted money and purge wanted to ritualistically end the world but something this near to an ecological disaster that would force an entire paradigm shift hasn’t occurred yet in the series?? its totally new!!! there’s a lot they could do with this but OH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYONE ulala knows how to make dance energy kill cell x instead of feed it she’s got this we’re good no need to investigate more into all that

i can’t explain why the game is like this. and i dont expect grounding to address it in any meaningful way either. i’m sure they’re Aware of these complaints by now- the game reviewing community has Not been kind to sc5vr specifically due to all of these shortcomings [i didnt even touch on the issues with motion sensing and how many of the games mechanics were removed in favor of smth presumably easier to program yet much less satisfying, like Secret Moves just being mini quicktime events and Turning Your Ratings Into Stars just being replaced with the standard Three Strikes You’re Out method of scoring], but the pr team still seems very enthusiastic abt the game and is still promising dlc and potentially even more games in the series after this one- heres hoping that they’ll at least take these grievances to heart and consider making the experience not only more accessible [aka it will... go back to being a rhythm game with controller input.... and not... an exclusive vr experience...], but also as immersive and detailed as the old games, with less reused plot beats. i can let some of it off the hook in this game simply because i’m aware that it began its life as a tech demo that was only supposed to be that initial first report from the first game But Happening All Around You!, but i Really dont think they could get away with doing this little to expand upon the groundwork set by the first two games again. not with the way people remember part 2 being such a vast upgrade from part 1... the bar had been set so high that this just felt like a huge backslide into something even sillier and harder to take seriously than part 1 before we had any idea what kind of staying power the franchise would have as a hallmark of sega’s quirky antics. like... this game is what i think space channel 5 looks like to people who don’t understand the appeal of the first two games. and that scares me

but i guess for the most part, aside from wishing they had done more to revitalize the setting and the lore of the sc5 universe itself, im kind of glad it didnt do a lot to change the existing storylines the characters have kinda forged for themselves- here i was stressing out that they would pull out some plot development that would utterly and drastically change the way we talked abt the series for the rest of time, but so little happened and so little was added to the bank of sc5 lore that we can kind of all just carry on as usual and keep having the same headcanons we always had.

BUT!!! there ARE a lot of cute little details here and there that make the experience feel wholesome and like i said not an utter cashgrab- like so many of the character profiles referencing previous games [all of the references to npcs in this game being relatives of the npcs of the last games made me lose it] and how often ulala changes her expressions up and looks right at you and talks to you. the new music they wrote for the game also all slaps and everyones redesigns [if they got a redesign... rip pudding] are stunning

one of the most important things they did in this game was give a nice sort of Update to every character.... for example explaining that ulala isn’t a rookie reporter any more like she was in the first 2 games, that she’s moved up to being in charge of training new channel 5 reporters, and that while pudding is still somewhat stuck on her rivalry with ulala her career isn’t stagnant either, she was just cast in a romcom series as the lead... which is really nice considering how in the past she was portrayed as somewhat of a loser with almost no remaining fans left from her idol years

and you knew i was going to bring up jaguar at some point HES ALL OVER THIS GAME AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WAS WORTH POWERING THROUGH THESE LAST FEW YEARS AND ALSO LIKE IM A GENIUS FOR SPENDING SO LONG POSTING EVERY SINGLE DAY ‘NO REALLY, HE’S THE SECONDARY PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY, ITS ABOUT CHANNEL 5 AS A COMPANY AND THEIR IMPACT ON EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED THEM AND THAT INCLUDES JAGUAR AS WELL AS ULALA HES INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT BC SHE WOULDNT BE ALIVE IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM’ i feel like it’s really incredible how in this game he has genuinely nice energy and doesnt withhold praise from ulala just to be helpful in a mysterious way later and he like HAS FRIENDS now. like consider how he went from disgraced former ch5 employee who got mad every time he saw them, to kidnapped robot henchman kinda humbled by the fact that now the turns tabled and ulala had to rescue Him, and now 3 years later his bio is all about how he has a new tv show thats super popular and he has a new entourage of ladies who he considers his '’’’’’comrades’’’’’’’ within the station he founded??? AND AFTER 20 YEARS THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GIVE HIS MODEL JUICY ASS CHEEKS??????????????? NO MORE PANCAKE BOOTY???? THE BOY HAD A GLOWUP AND NO I WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

WHEN I SAY MEOW MATCH THE POSE MOTHERFUCKERS THIS BLONDE BASTARD GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE HUNDRED STAGE BATTLE NOW TOO THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE SPACE PIRATES BAYBEE

[batfam-imagines]

I literally love your batfam writing so much, can I request something? Can batsis (biological daughter of Bruce) be adapted after her mum dies and she's obsessed with makeup and loves it so all the boys think she's shallow and conceited? But she's not? Thank you so much

Makeup

Tim flops on the couch beside his eldest brother, “Did yousee her room? She’s got a one of those makeup mirror things. The one with thelights in the mirror and all the drawers. When I walked by, she was filling thewhole thing up with makeup”

“Are you serious? Who needs that much makeup?”

“I don’t think Steph, Cass, and Babs have that much makeupcombined. I mean I know her mom was a model and all, but she must be stupid shallowand obsessed with her looks”

There’s a soft creak as the door open and both boys glanceup to see the newest member of the Wayne household standing awkwardly in thedoorway. “Hi, Alfred said that you two were in here … he said that you guys wouldn’tmind giving me a bit of a tour. I only know where my room and the kitchen is …”

Dick lets out a put-upon sigh and heaves himself off thecouch, “Yeah, come on, I’ll show you around.”

Y/N glances up at him when they’re passing one of the hugebay windows, “You know, you have beautiful cheekbones, they’d be perfect be forsome highlight. And Tim has some beautiful eyelashes, I have to use falsies ormascara to that kind of length. You know I have -”

“Not everyone needs makeup to feel good about themselves,Y/N”

She freezes for a few seconds before catching up to him, “Iknow. I don’t use makeup because I don’t feel good about myself. I use it becauseit makes me confident, it’s like a mask that helps me take on the world. Ienjoy makeup, I don’t need it, Dick.” Her eyes lock with his, “This familyshould know all about mask, right?”

Dick almost chokes out a disbelieving laugh, that’s definitelysomething he’ll need to bring up to Bruce but for now he’ll ignore it. “So, youhave all that different makeup, and spend all that money just because you likeit?”

“I actually get a lot of my makeup for free. I have a YouTubechannel where I teach people how to put on makeup, so different makeupcompanies will sometimes send me their new pallets or supplies for me to testout and review. Mom taught me to be confident in who I am, to love myself andothers based on who they are as a person. I try to help my followers becomeconfident in themselves while I’m teaching them how to do makeup” The older manjust continues to stare at her, “Maybe you shouldn’t judge people on their outwardappearance and try to get to know them first”

Y/N quickly walks the rest of the way down the hall andstraight into her room while Dick slowly makes his way back toward the livingroom where Tim is still sitting. “So how was it? Was she completely airheaded,or could she actually hold a conversation?”

“She actually seems pretty smart, like she had a reason forhaving so much makeup. I guess she uses it all for her YouTube channel, and tohelp other people gain confidence in themselves”

Tim quickly sits up, “Do you know what her YouTube name is?I want to look her up”

“I don’t know, just search her name, it’ll be her mom’s lastname”

Tim types for a minute, “I found her … holy shit, she hasover 8 million followers”

“You’re kidding me. She was telling the truth? Play one ofher videos”

The two boys play a random video from two months ago. Y/Ntalks about how it doesn’t matter how much makeup someone layers on their faceif they’re ugly on the inside it’ll show. She talks about just being confidentin everything you do and in believing in yourself. The boys end up watchingvideo after video. Watching as she does casual day makeup, or night out makeup.How sometimes her mom or friends will appear in the videos and she’ll do theirmakeup as well as her own and the guest will share their own words of wisdom.The last video the two end up watching is the most recent one Y/N had posted,dated for only a few days after her mother had passed away. It isn’t a makeupvideo at all, it talks about loss and figuring out how live life after losingsomeone so important. Y/N talks about Bruce, how her father who she’s never metintends to take her in and adopt her. Finally, it wraps up by saying that shedoesn’t know when she’ll be able to post again, or even if she’ll be able to answeranyone messages.

“Did we completely misjudge her and act like total assholesto a girl who just lost her only parent up until recently? We’ve both lost ourparents and we were total assholes to her just because we assumed she wasshallow and conceited, when really she just likes makeup and uses it to expressherself”

Dick groans, letting his head fall into his hands, “How dowe make this up to her?”

“Maybe we should follow her advice and actually get to knowher. I think … I think we should treat her like a member of the family insteadof like an outsider. We need to talk to Jason and Damian, you know they’ll cometo the same conclusion we did and yeah, Damian’s gotten a little better overthe years, but he still doesn’t have much a filter.”

“You’re right. I have a great idea. We should have a siblingmovie night, then we call all get to know her at the same time and she can getto know us. She won’t feel so alone here afterwards”

“Perfect! Just us tonight, and maybe next week we can getall the girls over here too?” Dick quickly nods his agreement, “I’m going totell Alfred and see if he can whip up some snacks for us. Can you call Jasonand get Damian?”

“Yeah, I got them. I really hope this works. We might havejust ruined our relationship with Y/N because we judged her over her makeup andnot her personality. We should know better, god we’re so stupid” Dick lets outa soft sigh and pulls out his phone, “Let’s just hope she can forgive us”

A voice clears behind them. Both vigilantes whip around,their eyes wide, having not even heard the door open, “You know, I’d forgiveyou a lot quicker if you’d apologize, that’s typically how these things works”

“Y/N, you scared the crap out of me!” Dick lets out a shakybreath, “I’m sorry … We’re sorry for judging you without getting to know you.We’ve known a lot of models and just kinda assumed that you were like all of them.I didn’t mean to judge you, or insult you”

“I understand. I’m a stranger coming into your guys house.You don’t know me, you guys didn’t even know I existed until recently, so ofcourse you’d assume things about me. That doesn’t make it right though, howeverI’m going to forgive you this time. I want to get to know my new brothers, solet’s put this behind us, okay?”

Tim grins, “Thank you. So we were gonna have a movie nighttonight, the four of us guys and you if you want. A way for all of us to get toknow you and for you to get to know us … if you want”

Y/N grins, “I’d love to, that sounds like fun … but we NEEDto have some kettle corn for the movie and some cookies”

Both guys snort, “I thought you were all into the healthy lifestyleand being the best you can be? That’s what your videos said”

“That’s what some of them said, but then I also say that it’sokay to indulge as long as you do it in moderation. So, I’ll be going to the gymtomorrow, but tonight we can watch movies and eat what we want”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll call Jay and go talk to Damian”

“I’ll go ask Alfred if he can make cookies, you haven’t hadthe chance to try Alfie’s cookies yet, Y/N. They’re amazing!”

[thatotakualex]

Pt.1, Kicking it off!

I guess I'll get things started by making a few posts about my all time FAVORITE anime and over all the ones I've watched!

I guess this is gonna kinda be a few Anime Reviews, feel free to tell me your opinions on the anime too, but please no fighting ^^,

Having said that, the First anime I ever watched and one that I hold dear isss

Seven deadly sins!

This was my first anime, the one that started it all! I have to say, I LOVE this anime! I mean, theres a few small things that irk me but nothing about the plot itself or the development. As everyone will, I have my favorites (Meliodas, King, and Gowther). I dont wanna spoil anything for anyone so I wont say much.

Next, the anime that introduced me to fangirling. I didnt know I could love Characters so much untilll

Ouran High School Host Club!

This was the second anime in my life. I fell in love with these characters and the storyline was Magnificent, not having a second season is a crime! I fully intend to read the Manga! My favorite characters other than the irresistible Tamaki Suoh is Hikaru Hitachiin and Kyoya Ootori! But if I had to pick one, it would be Hikaru🥰

Look at this babyyyy

(Ahem) anyways, this anime is so warming and beautiful, and full of comedy and interesting characters you wont be able to ignore!

Next we have the 3rd anime I ever got into. Well, animes. I started these two at the same time! I'll do them in order from which one I finished faster.

First, Kaichou maid Sama! (The Class President is a Maid!)

This anime has SO many good qualities! I absolutely love it. The characters are so spectacular and relatable at times that you feel connected to them. It's hard to pick a favorite that's not Usui or Misaki, but you do manage to get attached to the supporting characters. Over all, an amazing anime.

Second, we have the first anime I also read the manga to!

Fruits Basket!

This anime was a WHIRLWIND! It has so many emotional moments and things that just pull at your heart strings. I havent watched the new, revamped version but I do hope that it's closer to the Manga than the original anime was. Dont get me wrong, I loved this anime! But it just didnt match up to the manga many times and it took some of the emotional aspects out. It did have plenty of them though! My favorite characters are most definitely Tohru and Kyo, (I know I know I'm basic) but I have a special love for Yuki too. Now, if we look only at the original anime, not the manga or otherwise, I may have to say Shigure is also a favorite. But in the manga I definitely have mixed emotions about him. Definitely would recommend!

I guess I'll leave it at that for this Post, 4 seems like enough. Feel free to suggest any anime I might like or talk about the ones listed!

[willofhounds]

Half and half each shall share half ch5

A/N thanks for your reviews and support.

DarkRavie: thanks for your review my friend.

WhiteElfElder: thanks for your review my friend. Sometimes to get answers you have to be little Gryffindor.

Tom's POV

Just as he closed up the journal he heard movement from the separate rooms. The magical aura was still softer than normal telling Tom that Harrison wasn't completely awake. He moved away from the desk so not to appear to be snooping.

Harrison stumbled through the doorway. His black hair was more askew than normal. Green eyes had dark circles around them.

Harrison queried leaning against the wall, "Riddle? Why are you here?"

Tom replied as he moved closer to the other, "I was asked to check on you by the Headmaster since you didn't come to breakfast or to teach. What are you doing, Potter?"

Potter swayed dangerously as he slurred, "Tired. It's the full moon. Have to sleep."

Then the green eyes rolled into the back of Potter's head. He barely caught the man before he hit the ground as he collapsed.

Tom laid him down upon the ground. Checking Harrison's pulse he found it erratic and skin hot to the touch.

Making a quick decision he picked the man up. It wasn't that startling to find that Harrison was still light as ever. Then went to the man's floo.

After taking a handful of the powder he called out, "Hospital wing."

A second later he was tossed out into the Hospital Wing. Madame Pompfrey order recognizing who he was holding, "Place him on the bed. Potter what have you done to yourself now?"

Tom answered carefully, "Professor Dumbledore asked me to check on him. When I was in his office he collapsed. The only thing he told me was that he was tired."

Pompfrey nodded but didn't say anything. She drew her wand and began casting spells on Potter. Tom recognized the diagnostic spells. They went from vital checks to checking magic levels and health.

His seeker center appeared with the next spell. It was darker than he remembered. The last time he saw it being when Harrison almost died in a mission just before graduation.

Tom had been in Hogsmede when the boy apparated directly onto his table. Blood had gone everywhere. None of his spells could stop them. Despite their estrangement he didnt want to see his first friend die.

He remembered clearly the fragmented center. It was still it's normal color but that was the only thing normal about it. The silver lines unconnected and pieces where they didn't belong. Harrison explained to him once about what center should look like under magic. That was definitely not in.

Madame Pompfrey had made an emergency floo call to the Huntik Foundation. The last thing he saw before he was ushered out of the Hospital Wing was three top Huntik Foundation members flooing in.

Harrison wasn't the same when he was released. The happy go lucky look was replaced by a haunted one. With NEWTs approaching he had been unable to focus on it.

Now his center was as dark as Tom's magical core. It no longer looked like a smashed plate. He could still see the silver lines of where it had been broken.

It pulsed in a way that it hadn't before. As if it had a living heartbeat. Given what he had found out that wouldn't surprise him.

Pompfrey sighed as she stowed her wand away, "He's fine. Besides physical exhaustion there is nothing wrong with him. My guess is that not sleeping finally caught up to him. Its good to see his center fixed again. I didnt think we would ever see him again after graduation."

Tom queried having the feeling that he would not like the answer, "What do you mean?"

"Seeker centers do not fix themselves once they are broken," came the mournful answer. Tom felt as if he had been run over by a hippogryff, "Seekers do not die in a bed or hospital. They go off on a journey or a mission and simply do not return. Given the state of his center now versus three years ago. He must have made a deal with something. Whatever the price was I hope it's worth it. There is nothing more I can do here."

Tom had a feeling he knew what saved Harrison's life. Why someone would make such a deal he didn't know. There was always a price and more often than not wasn't worth the price.

What was your price Harrison?

Harrison's POV

When he awoke he knew immediately that he was not in his rooms. The air was too clean smelling. His room smelled of fire and old books.

Opening his eyes he was surprised to find himself in the hospital wing. It wasn't where he expected to be at all. What he found next to his bed was even more surprising. Tom Riddle was sitting there.

How did he get in the Hospital Wing? Why in the name of Merlin was Riddle doing at his bedside?

Pompfrey said startling him, "He brought you here after you collapsed in your office."

When did he collapse in his office? He always spent the day of the new moon in bed. Ever since making the deal with Murasame he felt week on the new moon. There was no explanation for it. Given how easy it was he knew it was too easy to be his price.

When he looked up into Pompfrey's hazel eyes he found disapproval in them. She hissed angrily, "Dont think I dont know why your once broken center is now fixed and pulsing with a heart beat. What were you thinking?"

Harrison held his right arm up into the light. That was a good question. What had he been thinking when he made the deal?

His main focus during his time away was to survive. Find a way to live but the reason wasn't selfish. Deep in his heart he knew the real reason was because of Metz.

Alec Metz had been both his and Dante's mentors. When Dante was on a mission that he wasn't ready for Alec looked after him.

Then in his sixth year Alec left on a mission. When he returned he was at death's door. Both he and Dante had been devastated. They swore to find a way to cure him. Magic was keeping Metz alive but it wouldn't last forever.

That search was what sent him on the mission that almost killed. Just like now it had been Tom who got him to the Hospital Wing.

The hunt for something to fix his center wasn't just for his benefit. He had to find a way to save Alec too. So far he still hadn't found that.

Finally Harrison laughed depreciatingly, "All I wanted was to live long enough to save my mentor. I never intended for it to become like this. I cared less for own survival than that of my friend."

Harrison's hands clenched even as he sat up. Murasame had more abilities than just healing the holder's. He just didn't know what they were yet. The legend wasn't specific.

A familiar growl almost made him jump, "You aren't worried about your own survival? Aren't you worried the demon will slowly destroy your soul?"

Welp Riddle was awake. How much had he heard? Then the words clicked.

Destroy his soul? What soul? His soul left him when Alec got sick. Alec was the soul of the Foundation. Everyone felt the loss with him unable to help.

Harrison replied, "I do not fear losing my soul to Murasame. Just as I do not fear death. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started my search."

Tom snarled, "Gryffindors! None of your house has an ounce of self preservation. No doubt the Huntik Foundation is full of Gryffindors. Their leader the worst of the lot. What could be worth your life Potter?"

"How about the one who saved it?!" Roared Harrison in return.

[suffernotawitchtolive]

I don’t want to know who we are when we aren’t together || Self

The world spun around him, the scrapes felt like holes in his flesh. The pain had only been this bad once before. They had been torturing Joshua and then had killed Wren. This pain only compared to the look on Joshua’s face as he died. Of course Wren hadn’t stayed dead, but now he wished this pain was death. In the moment he wanted death. Joshua had turned on him. Joshua had protected the witch. Wren hadn’t even wanted to kill her. whether she continued to follow his trail or not, he wanted to quit hunting and settle down with Joshua. Maybe have a new parish, but Joshua wasn’t settling down with him. Joshua had betrayed him for Kouri.

The silence was ripped apart with a pained sob. Wren gripped his own hair as he leaned back against the truck. He had driven for hours to get away from the attack. To get away from Joshua. Had it been a ruse? Had he been trying to save Wren from her? Why would he attack Wren that way if it was to protect him?

Attacked him. Joshua attacked him to defend that girl. Joshua had shot him. Wren had broken the bolt and left most of it in his shoulder. the pain started to lace through his arm and chest, his tattoo kept throbbing as he sobbed. His sobs got the attention of the hunters he had driven to inside the safe house. 

He was covered in blood and starting to tremble violently. His arm was starting to lose function in the pain from the bolt and he was starting to feel dizzy. Joshua had shot him. Judas shot him. At least he wasn’t dead. But had he betrayed Wren or was he still protecting Wren. The ground spun up to meet him but was caught and carried inside.

He had woken up three days later. they had moved him to a different state. He was in a small clinic inside a small church. He guessed. With all the crosses and the saints on the white walls. It was a four bed clinic. No one else was in here. He knew this was a hunter recovery unit. A witness protection for him while he was injured. They would probably make him work here while he recovered. Little did they know, he would recover much faster than he should and he would be gone before they released him.

Now weeks had passed and no word came from Judas. She had bewitched him. That had to be it. Joshua wouldn’t do this.

Wren didn’t speak. He just answered the yes or no questions with a nod or shake of his head. Anything else got a polite nod or smile. He barely interacted with anyone and only did the bare minimum. He had been injured badly, emotionally and physically. this place was quiet and understanding. Beautiful and comfortable. He hated it. He would give any number of days here up to be with Joshua again one more time in that damn asylum. 

“Father.” He jumped, being caught off guard, a tear rolling down his cheek. It was a small, young, nun. He tilted his head to acknowledge her speaking to him, “Father. You’ve lost someone... and not to death. That’s how you came to us,isnt it?” She said softly to him. He looked down to the ground and gently brushed the tear off his face. 

She watched him in silence then started to play with a flower to give him a moment to himself in the most polite way she could, “That is why we are here. The Vatican send the injured home to be retired. you were intended for retirement. They know that you’ve lost someone important. I’m here to help you get them back. I am sister Lynn. Father Gregory is going to aid you as well as sisters Rita, and Gwen. Gwen is a mute as you are.” 

Wren shook his head, speaking softly, his voice quiet. He hadn’t ever heard it so quiet before yet so clear,” I’m not mute, Sister. I didn’t mean to be rude. I just had nothing to say.” 

“You do now, and it wasn’t that.” She looked down,” You’re going to tell me you do not need help. this is why the Vatican sends the wounded home. Sends those who have lost others to us. We are here specifically for rescue missions. You’re going to tell us to stay here. That is why we can’t. The Vatican sent you to us to make sure this is a recuse mission and not a revenge mission.” She lay a hand on his arm as he started to feel the air being forced from him. They weren’t going to let him kill Kouri, and his injuries were not great enough for him to be retired. Judas had wounds to great to keep hunting so they would either retire him, or worse, since he wasn’t of use to them anymore and all supernaturals were blasphemy. He couldn’t let them get Judas in their hands.

“I can’t save him.” She seemed shocked. A priest in love was something that sometimes happened, and love had been what they saw him grieving. A priest in love with a man was more taboo than the killing they did, “We can’t save him. He doesn’t wish to be saved. I can no longer fight. The Vatican made a poor judgement on this one. I’m too injured. you’ve seen my shoulder. I can’t move this arm at all. It was ruined in the fight.”

“you have spent more words making excuses than anything else you have said here. Father. Your in the protection of the church and all of those you keep are now as well. The church will cause you no grief. After we retrieve the one you lost, you are both retired. He has done amazing work for the Vatican under your guidance. This is a true rescue and release mission. They reviewed your report of the Asylum. Great work.” She almost blushed. He was a legend, honestly. their best hunter. He had done better work at the asylum than anyone there had known.

Wren smiled bitterly and squinted to the sun above them. It was a cool day. Not cool enough to keep the snow from melting once the sun got higher. Right now the snow was still freshly fallen at their feet on the sides of the path. Just freshly cleaned. Had been cold enough to snow but somehow not cold enough to kill the flowers.

"Youre new here, Sister. You were given orders to aid me in finding the ome I lost. You are to aid me in saving him. You didnt know it was a him, you dont have a name yet or you would be skeptical of saving him. Father has different orders. Je is a fore extinguisher. He is to escalate the situation until the only line of action... is to kill me and the one I have lost in the process of 'saving' either you or humself or one of the others. He may kill the girl who has my friend captive. He may not. She isnt on their radar yet. I didnt think she was a threat so never reported her." He started to walk, hands clasped at his back.

"I... father Wren, that's not..." she stammered as she followed. He spun on her, making eye contact and started to compel her.

"Forget this conversation. You havent seen me this morning. You will go to find me in my room. Go on." He watched as she calmly turned and went the other direction. His tattoo chastised him for letting her go. A witch. A fire extinguisher here to redeem herself to the church. Or another soul to sacrifice to the church as Wren had done over and over. It didnt matter to him. She would have died in the field. They wouldnt let her get to her second mission.

He had overturned his room. Made it look like a major struggle. Broken bed, broken desk. There was a broken bookcase and papers thrown around, curtains burned and torn. He avoided everyone as they ran to see what had happened. He made it to his truck and used magic to start it, he disnt know where they hid his keys.

He had to go save Judas. Reverse whatever spell kouri had put on him. It had to be a spell. Had to be. Joshua would never turn on him for her. Not after all they had been through. Not after all he had put Joshua through. Not after...

Wren couldnt think about this any other way. Not now. He had to concentrate and had to think of how to actually fight Joshua this time even though Joshua wasnt going to hold back like Wren had to.

As he drove he muttered a spell, A delayed spell that set off bombs he had planted in the church. There were areas he knew no one would be this early in the morning and he had planted them there to keep the church away. He knew that the Vtican wanted to retire him. He knew that meant theg wanted him dead. True retirement came after long trials. Sitting and reporting to the vatican in person. Presenting your case and begging for it. Most of the time if you were Wrens age, you were denied. Judas was even younger and an abomination. Wren had always known they wouldnt reture Judas.

He winced and held his own shoulder. The pain was lacing its way down his arm, years springing to his eyes. Judas had shot him. Had been stating at him and not recognised him. Judas had shot at him and sent him away, protecting his childhood...

"Stop it, Wren." He told himself aloud," Stop thinking that way. There was no way she could turn him. He knew the blood and gore on my hands. He knew it all. I told him. He had hated me for it but we had worked it out. We were okay. We were in live. He would never turn on me."

Unless she told him how her family had been innocent and she had been run out of her families home. Had been orphaned by her priest. Unless he had once loved this girl and now reunited, he loved her more. Or just plain loved her. Didnt live Wren and finally figured it out. Wren sobbed.

"Im his mission." A cry ripped from his chest. Judas wouldnt do this to him. No matter what. He had never given up on Wren. Judas should have. The moment Wren doubted him, used him, ruined him. Wren sobbed even harder but he had to keep driving.

He could feel blood running down his arm but instead of giving in to the pain, he used it. He started to mutter a spell the blood laying into the shape of his tattoo until a name struck him. He knew where Judas was. He was going to save him. No matter the cost.

The cost could be Judas. That was right. If he killed Kouri while Judas was under the spell he would be stuck under the spell. He had to break it. That was clever. She knew he couldnt kill her until she removed the spell. Never remove the spell, never die. Leverage.

Wren had to make a backup plan. Had to fix this. He had to.

Finally after a day and a night he pulled over and fell asleep in the cab of his truck, blood dried on his arm and side making his shirt stick to him in the cold. He slept, almost as if at peace. He knew what was coming. He prayed he was wrong. His dreams told him he wasnt.

The windshield cracked.

@tattoobruised

@pride-and-wrathfulness

@alexanderforhire