#i wrote most of this right away but the task of making it readable has been weighing me down for months and drained so much energy from me

[sleepymarmot]

Phantom Thread (2017)

[Finally forcing myself to post the reviews of films I watched earlier this year. Saw this one on January 29th — almost exactly seven months ago! As usual, I also post the notes I took while watching, so scroll down a bit if you only want the review.]

Liveblog

The dress is pretty but it doesn’t sit well on her at all.

Damn that was quite a rude way to hit on a perfect stranger

Girl has no sense of self-preservation! What do you mean you get into the car of a customer you talked to for two minutes, after dark?!

Wow he put his fingers in the sauce, is that normal for rich British men or is that another creepy flirting method? That’s unhygienic, please use your own food for innuendo

Oh my god Cyril is immediately acting creepy also

“My job to give you some. (beat) If I choose to.” Dude lmao…

“You have the ideal shape. He likes a little belly.” Ok first of all, insane thing to say once again. Secondly, w h e r e

I like this dress even less. Weird skirt, looks uncomfortable.

Why did he bring his sister to their date

“How early?” “I’ll wake you.” …

The fabric conversation… Is this negging again or is he for real

I really thought Cyril would say “Maybe you’re being too fussy.” I guess Alma has not yet leveled up enough to get quoted verbatim

“But, please, don’t let her sit around waiting for you.” Ha, now Cyril is repeating Alma’s words without even knowing Does Cyril not drink from the kettle? That was kind of risky…

The wedding dress is ugly Oh, he said it himself, okay

Damn, all of these women have to work overtime because of this couple’s power plays

He went from “I want a divorce” to “We’re doing food poisoning based BDSM” awfully quickly

Wait where’s that text post about being poisoned by your wife... Was it inspired by this movie lol

Ok so we all agree Reynolds is autistic, with his routines and picky eating and misophonia

---

Review

How come Tumblr has never mentioned this one to me? Feels silly to say “where have you all been hiding this” about a Best Picture nominee from five years ago, but still. This is literally a romance between “ok first of all i didnt "miss" the red flags i looked them and thought yeah thats sexy” and “love my terrible wife […] when we eat dinner ill smile and say “poison again ?” and she will shrug mischievously but we both know it is very much poison”!

General notes

Set design, cinematography and lighting were beautiful. In our age of murky shots, it’s remarkable to see a film that’s never underlit — sometimes even the opposite. Wasn’t a fan of the grain, though; the flickering is hard on the eyes, and in the copy I watched it looked like a low quality rip instead of a warm nostalgic analogue look that I assume was intended. The sound side was as good as the visuals: this might be the first time I actually noticed the sound design, and the score was nothing less than what I expected of Jonny Greenwood.

I have mixed feelings about the costuming. Some of the dresses are beautiful… but the two most important ones, the very first dress we see and the very first dress made for Alma, didn’t fit the wearers’ silhouettes, and looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Some of the dialogue, mostly at the beginning, felt unnatural; not sure if that’s just me not being a native speaker, since nobody else had the same complaint.

I didn’t get “never cursed”. Was that a statement Reynolds secretly made about himself, or a lucky charm referring to the princess’ marriage? Why did Alma rip the label out? Why did she join the seamstresses in the first place — did she feel guilty that they got caught in the crossfire and had to work overtime because of her, or did she just want to inspect the dress? I also don’t understand why people seem to adore the New Year’s Eve scene.

Do you think Alma told the doctor the whole story, or just talked about their relationship but left out the poisonings? I think it would be unwise to tell that to anyone lest they call the police…

In the sections below, I am going to talk negatively about Reynolds a lot. So I want to clarify first: I do sympathize with Reynolds in many ways; I wouldn’t want a new person to get in the way of my habits, and I would be unhappy with the surprise dinner too. And that’s also exactly why I don’t invite strangers to live with me and interrupt my routines then get mad at them for that, you know…

Filing this one as “Movies I wouldn’t want to watch or discuss with my mother even though there’s zero sex and nudity on screen”. I don’t know which part would be more awkward, the Freudian subtext or everything else…

The omelette

I’ve recently acquired a bad habit of reading too much about movies before watching. In this case it was probably a good thing, though: without the spoilers, I doubt I would have seen this any time soon, or managed to sit through the first hour. Luckily, I didn’t know the key element of the omelette scene, and still managed to have a proper first time viewing experience as it slowly dawned on me that Reynolds was aware of everything and the poisoning was going to be consensual this time.

That scene, and the follow-up interactions between Alma and Reynolds in the cottage (excluding the daydreaming flash-forwards, which I have mixed feelings about), were, unsurprisingly, my favorite part of the film. Many reviews quote Alma’s monologue (which, as I realize now, I might have originally encountered in a joke screenshot with zero context) or the line Reynolds says in response, so I’ll highlight some other things. The contrast between how simple and ordinary their actions are on the surface (cooking, serving food, eating, talking at the table) and how wild the meaning of these actions is; the mix between a duel, a dance and a negotiation that mostly consists of extremely mundane movements. The intense eye contact, the “I know that you know that I know”. How Alma put too much butter in his food and poured water too loudly for too long, and he accepted it without complaint but with the same calm and clarity as the poison. How they look genuinely happy, in love, and on the same page for the first time in the entire film. How easily he says “I love you”.

The omelette discourse

…And now that I’ve documented my immediate positive emotional response, it’s time for some overthinking and complaining. Perhaps everything I say below can be dismissed by saying “they’re both awful and deserve each other, that’s the point haha”, but that’s not a mode my brain can stay in for long. So please bear with me, or just skip this section.

Because no matter how exciting and cathartic that ending is, I can’t help but ask: what next? Is this experience going to let Reynolds finally grow out of his cycle of childlike helplessness and patriarchal despotism, instead of solidifying it? What are we supposed to infer — that the poisonings are going to be a regular occurrence from now on, or that they will become unneeded as Reynolds gradually mellows out? (The former would, realistically, have diminishing returns and practical complications like “people are going to start asking questions”, and the latter kind of goes against the celebratory kink-positive tone of the film’s grand finale.) Are we to believe that Alma’s poison is an antidote to Reynolds’s toxic masculinity, and that the more he submits to Alma the more he can tolerate her when things go back to normal, until the two of them grow to exist harmoniously?

I guess there is some evidence of that process already beginning. When Reynolds bounces back after the first poisoning, he’s slightly less mean to Alma than before the marriage. Alma’s poisoning is also less destructive the second time: consent, no collateral damage, not on the eve of an important deadline, she agrees to call the doctor.

I think the film wants the viewer to think that by the end, Reynolds and Alma’s mutual toxicity cancels itself out, and they manage to reach a harmonious equilibrium. That might be true of the first poisoning, where Alma retaliates against Reynolds’s abuse with some of her own. At the mid-point of the film, their vileness is pretty evenly matched. After that first poisoning, there’s a brief honeymoon period. Then Reynolds goes back to berating Alma, disregarding her feelings, and being dissatisfied with her presence in his life… And in response to Reynolds making her feel unloved, Alma does something that makes Reynolds feel loved. In the end, the score is still in Reynolds’s favor instead of being even. Even in Alma’s daydreams of their happily ever after, the closing monologue of the film, there is no mention of Reynolds changing to accommodate her, only of Alma changing to accommodate him: “I am older and I see things differently, and I finally understand you.”

Perhaps here the story structure and the balance of power between the characters are in conflict; it makes sense to end the film on the strong scene that changes the relationship in a major way — but that means the viewer doesn’t get to know if that change leads to improvement. We never learn if Reynolds eventually becomes a better partner; we only know that Alma is committed to him either way.

No matter how satisfying the couple’s new arrangement is to watch, I don’t see how it would help with the actual problems in their relationship. They are at different stages of life, and that exacerbates the natural differences between their temperaments. Reynolds doesn’t respect Alma as an equal; he insults her and allows others to insult her to his face. He has immense power and privilege over her socially and materially. He has a career that he loves and a devoted sister, but she has no life outside of him — no friends, family, interests, hobbies, income, etc. — and it’s hard to tell if it’s sexist writing, intended characterization, or both.

How is any of that going to be helped by them growing closer emotionally? You two found a love language you have in common and unlocked a new level of intimacy and mutual understanding, congratulations! Is it going to broaden Alma’s horizons and opportunities? Is it going to give Reynolds more progressive views and social awareness, enough to at least defend the honor of his lower class wife? Is he going to stop being emotionally abusive because he is emotionally fulfilled?

This would imply that Reynolds behaves the way he does simply because he is too high-strung and he just needs to take a chill pill. That the problems in their relationship can be reduced to him being a control freak, and once he gets accustomed to giving up control and learns to enjoy it, and then he’ll be a good partner. Sorry, but it’s hard for me to believe that one can tame, let alone fix someone by domming them.

The film seems to attempt a subversion of the patriarchal, hierarchical “artist/muse” “upper class/working class” “man/woman” power dynamics. But the characters do not dismantle that existing power imbalance: instead, they build something new and mutually satisfying on top of it. The film intentionally avoids the feminist wish fulfillment route: Alma doesn’t liberate herself, and she doesn’t even want to. It’s a fairy tale where the Beast doesn’t really become a better person, so the Beauty becomes a worse one to “match” him… but she’s still locked inside his castle. Alma doesn’t abandon the role of a muse, only adds another traditionally feminine role to it: mother. As Feminist Frequency’s review puts it, “Traditional, restrictive gender roles are not escaped; one set is just briefly swapped out for another.” Related: it might be just a consequence of Reynolds’s chosen trade, but the people Alma walks over in her bids for his attention are always women (Barbara Rose, the seamstresses).

Speaking of motherhood… What happens when the woman who likes to treat her husband like a baby gets a real baby? How does she split her time between them? Does she end up neglecting one of them, does that make Reynolds jealous or more abusive? Or will he by that time have gone through enough personal growth to be actually fit for fatherhood? An interview with an expert on Alma’s specific brand of abuse asks an even more worrying question: “I also wondered about the baby at the end, because those who engage in the behavior are likely to do it [again] when similar situations arise. So as the baby gains skills of emancipation, would Alma be equally threatened by that? I saw the baby and thought: Oh no, it may be at risk.”

Perhaps I am being overly cynical and uncharitable here because of who made the film. When an artist with a history of being cruel to his girlfriend writes a story about an artist being cruel to his girlfriend, and makes the fictional girlfriend abusive too, how can I not question it? This film was already very awkward to approach and enjoy as a fan of Fiona Apple, even regardless of its content.

The relationship development

Another thing that didn’t work very well for me in the final sequence is something that also applies to the other parts of the film: the internal logic of the couple’s relationship development. Reynolds goes from “This was a mistake, I can’t live like this, I want a divorce” to “Intoxicate me now 😏 With your lovin’ now 😍 I think I’m ready now 😳” in the space of one cut. These scenes are directly adjacent with no development between them. It makes sense from Alma’s perspective (“what an asshole he’s being, he needs to be poisoned ASAP”), but not from Reynolds’s.

On Alma’s side, though, there’s also a bit of weirdness: Alma to Reynolds: Don’t worry babe you’re not gonna die, I’ll take care of you <3 Alma to the doctor: If he died that’d be fine by me, we’d just meet in the afterlife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really can’t tell how I am supposed to take this, and which of the men she was lying to!

But let’s go back to the beginning of the film. Throughout the initial phase of the relationship, I was sure that Reynolds chose playful bullying as his flirting tactic consciously, but later in the film he showed so little self-awareness that I started to suspect he thought that was a normal way to show interest in a girl you just met. Either way, I was surprised that the way he condescended to her changed considerably when the seduction was over, though in retrospect it makes sense. On Alma’s side, there was a similar shift: she was far more welcoming of his insulting methods of flirting than I would expect from a self-respecting adult with a strong personality, and started rebelling when they settled into domesticity. Perhaps the domineering attitude of a handsome stranger showering her with attention was exciting at first, but when their relationship became routine, she quickly grew sick of being treated like a second class citizen in what has become her own home. (I wasn’t joking with the quote at the top of the review: it was my genuine and immediate impression that Alma goes along with the 342561 red flags exhibited during the very first day not because she’s a doormat but because she’s a freak.)

The love at first sight didn’t work for me, as well as the couple’s determination to stay together despite their incompatibility. I’m just not convinced that they actually love each other as entire human beings. They do love certain sides of each other. Reynolds loves the muse with the perfect measurements; the assistant totally devoted to him; the new woman (future) finally displacing his older sister (present) and mother (past) while, unlike them, also being his sexual partner. Alma loves the genius who makes her feel beautiful and important. They both love the persona the other assumes in a caretaking scenario. But is there a deeper connection? Do they actually love each other unconditionally, not just the aspects of each other that fulfill their needs? I’ve seen quotes in confirmation of that from PTA and Vicky Krieps — but the text itself provides no satisfactory evidence of that.

Obligatory comparisons with other films

I like to chain movies together because of themes or character dynamics they share. A couple of reviews for Crimes of the Future mentioned this film, and I decided to watch it next assuming that the similarities start and end with the relationship between an aging artist and a strong-willed younger woman. Turns out, these two films also make an interesting double feature because in some ways they’re an inverse of each other. Crimes of the Future and its main couple wear abnormality on their sleeve, but the central relationship is healthy and stable; Phantom Tread appears classy and family-friendly, hiding the more shocking aspects of the relationship beneath the luxurious surface. Both films are very sensual without the conventional sex scenes, but the approach is diametrically opposite: Crimes of the Future circumvents the content rating system, managing to put explicit scenes on screen just because they don’t contain specific banned body parts; Phantom Thread purposefully and conspicuously avoids showing any sex or nudity to preserve the aesthetic and make other scenes feel more charged. The protagonist’s old age is important in both: for Saul, it’s deteriorating health and conservatism towards newer ideologies and ways of interacting with and modifying one’s body; for Reynolds, it is the decades of habit and privilege making him internalize the belief that his own authority, taste, routines are something absolute and unquestionable.

A bigger surprise was the two films also shared the theme of food and eating. Crimes of the Future: eating as a fundamental bodily function, food as means of sustenance, and the politics of food; Phantom Thread: eating as pleasure, food as means of human connection, and the power dynamics of feeding and being fed. Both films go deeper than the surface: food is not just something that is served and tasted, but chewed, swallowed, and digested, which is not necessarily a smooth and uncomplicated process. Phantom Thread’s exploration of the food theme is probably the best one I’ve seen so far not just in film but in any media, and the only one I can think of where “food as love and sex” made sense for me.

Choosing The Favourite as the next film to watch after this one was a good choice too: they also had some things in common. There’s a young woman winning an older and more powerful person’s affection by taking care of them while they’re sick, there are toxic relationship, there’s even literal poison... The older parties are similarly spoiled and eccentric but very different in certain important ways, and the protagonists are even more alike.

People have mentioned this film’s similarities to Rebecca, which I haven’t read or watched; my own first thought was about Misery, which I also haven’t read or watched. Out of the films I’ve seen before, there’s Crimson Peak — someone made an entire Venn diagram for their similarities. I’ve also seen comparisons with a number of other films, mostly ones I haven’t seen. Is Phantom Thread more intertextual than the usual or is that just me?

[whoistheasshole]

How do I get out of this unsatisfying life I’m living?

Anonymous asks: So the thing is that I feel incredibly stuck - I have all the basics of life which I'm grateful for but also that was my BIG dream as a kid, to get tf out of my parents' house - but now I have that and idk what to do for the rest of my life. Like, if I try those "visualize your future" things I'm just like, "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer" & it feels like I don't really WANT anything so I can't plan, you know? Just flailing here honestly. Pretty tired of it.

I wrote back: I got your question. To pinpoint my answer a little better, can you tell me about your current situation, like how long has it been since you moved out? Which are the things you have in order to your satisfaction? Some vague idea of your age range would also be helpful, but I can work without it too if you’d rather not share.

Anonymous answered: Ah, sorry. I was trying to fit in the character limit & also whenever I think about this my mind just goes flbbbbth. It's been about 5 years? That's about the only thing I'm truly HAPPY about, I'm not thrilled with my social/love life, career, etc & have pretty much been just coasting tbh. I'm almost 30. Thanks for entertaining this.

Alright, thanks for adding some background. I will come at this from different angles and you can pretty much pick and choose what sounds helpful and leave the rest, okay?

First, while there are people who have it all figured out, methodically planning their next career step or fully certain that there is no greater joy than raising a child, there are tons of other people who just, to quote, go „ flbbbbth“ when asked about their next steps or, god forbid, their life plan. I would say I fall in the latter camp, but I don’t mind because I think there is nothing wrong with that. I let myself be guided by the things I need to be happy (more on that later) and by current necessities – if my job becomes shit, I need to find a new job. If a friendship goes sour, I need to end it respectfully. But I couldn’t tell you specific career or personal goals, except...

... let’s talk about the „later“ now.

I’m an organizer, maybe even a worrier, and therefore I like lists. And for that reason I made a list a while ago that I still have and expect to keep for a long time. It is a list of everything that I need to be satisfied with my life. It consists of 29 entries and has three of them checked, though several others could be counted as half-checked. I wrote down everything that came to mind, paying no attention whether it was reasonable or feasible to want. That wasn’t the question.

It covers stuff like a clean flat (not checked), restful sleep (not checked), friends that I see regularly (checked) or a job with purpose (not checked). This list is my guide. Well, generally my needs are my guide, but it can be hard to be aware of your needs sometimes, so I got this list. And if I wonder what I need or want to focus on, I can turn to it and choose one of the entries and see what I can do about it. I can also look over the list every few years and see if things have developed in the right direction. Little progress is no reason to chastise myself, but helpful information to see whether I need to re-direct my focus.

Please note that I wrote „satisfied“, not „happy“. Being happy is a passing emotional state. It is completely normal and okay not to be happy all the time. But quiet satisfaction with where you are or where you are going, that is pretty achievable. It certainly is a process, but an enjoyable one.

This list is not a race and it is not really a to-do list because most of the things I wrote down aren’t easy to accomplish with a single action. They take months and years and, for some items, I can only try and hope it works out some day (see anybody who ever purposely looked for a partner).

So maybe this kind of list could be an exercise for you. Maybe it provides you with some insight, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s not the right point in your life. But if you sit down and the only thing you can come up with is „cry forever“ or „sleep forever“ then, you know, that’s a sign.

Which brings me to my next point: Journaling or automatic writing. This method is especially helpful for those „I feel some kind of way and I couldn’t even tell you how“ moments – so maybe exactly where you are right now. Captain Akward has introduced me to a website called „750 words“ and I’ve used the principle of „morning pages“, though not the website, since then whenever I felt like some emotions were starting to boil over.

I sit down, ideally in the morning, and just barf it all on the (digital) page. There are only two rules: 1) Don’t edit or judge yourself, write everything as it comes to mind (that’s the automatic writing part) and 2) Don’t stop before you’ve reached 750 words. You are not looking to write anything readable or clever or lyrical, you’re looking to get all the weirdness out so you can move on. Repeat this as many days as you feel queasy or weird or confused or angry or sad. Each day, as soon as you’ve reached the 750 words, you can walk away. Heck, you could even delete/burn the document if that feels right. It’s just about giving your thoughts the room they need so you can continue with your day, hopefully feeling somewhat relieved.

While we’re at writing, I also have a question for you: Where is the pressure coming from to „do something with your life“? Is it truly coming from inside you or are there outside factors? Are people in your life asking you when you’ll have kids? Do you live in a culture where it’s expected that everybody does something of note, works certain prestigious jobs? Do you compare yourself to the people around you and feel like you’re „late“?

Maybe mull this over on a leisurely walk or write about it, using the method above. No matter where it’s coming from, the feeling of pressure won’t go away just by knowing its origin, but the knowledge can help you keep it under control. And if you find it is truly your own wish, you will have tools to shape your life according to your needs.

So, next, sleep: Maybe do that?

You wrote "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer". I understand this was half a joke, but also … it was probably more than a joke.

How are your energy levels? How does life feel? Are you trying to jog through jello most of these days?

If we’ve been overachievers or had a tough home life or needed to take care of ourselves pretty early, we can become accustomed to everything being difficult. This feeling and behavior can become a way of life, even when circumstances change and we have a chance to act differently.

Do you feel rested? Do you have regular moments of quiet in your life that let you breathe? If not, this is where I would start. Forget about lists, though morning pages might be a helpful accompanying tool (if they don’t become a task to punish yourself with if you don’t find the energy).

Take some weeks or months, maybe even a year to make rest your priority. You will have to find a way that works for you. Yes there is a lot of clinically proven stuff out there, but you will not see me do yoga or meditate. Though feel free if that’s up your alley. If you love cycling or taking photos or drawing or just plain lying on your bed and staring at the wall, see where you can add more of that to your day. Whatever brings you closer to yourself and makes you feel like you can exhale and stand still for a moment, that’s the way to go. Do this as long as sleeping seems like a fine choice. And for good measure maybe a month longer. You are ready to stop when you cannot wait to do something else goddamnit I’m bored!!! (you might say)

If you are in this picture, please start here. Any kind of life plan, next steps, strategizing, solving of riddles would set you back and perpetuate your exhaustion. Rest is not time wasted, rest is how you get your life back.

If you are in this picture, you will likely find that if you really pull through, if you truly rest, as long and boring or even scary as it may be, the other questions will probably have an intuitive answer afterwards. Not like „this is my 20-year career plan“, but „I feel like doing x this week“. And that is enough. Because you won’t need to strain to hear your needs through the fog of exhaustion anymore.

Finally, some practical information and links for when you do have the energy and inclination to tackle your job and social life. I am not saying you need to change anything if that’s not what you want to focus on. These are just some tips, in case they become relevant.

For your social life, I recommend what others have recommended before me: Pick an activity that you do with other people and stick with it long enough to become a familiar face, see also here and here (yes, meeting gay people is similar to meeting other people). If you try out new stuff, go there at least 5 or 6 times before you decide it’s not for you – of course assuming nothing bad is coming up like racist or abusive people in the group. Shop around if the first group/activity doesn’t work for you until you find something that you’d like to do permanently. Maybe you’ll gain some friends, maybe you’ll find a romantic opportunity. In any case, if it’s something fun that you like to do anyway, you will have found an outlet with a social group attached. It is absolutely not as easy right now, with Covid and all, but if nothing outdoors-y comes to mind, you could also use this time to brainstorm what sounds like fun for when things are safer again.

Of course you can also look at opportunities online, like Discord servers, online interest groups etc but I do understand if that’s just not appealing right now. I am certainly over sitting in front of a screen.

To round this up, don’t sneeze at contacts that you already have. Are there acquaintances, friends of friends, colleagues, family members who you would like to get to know better? Then go do that! Suggest a time and place to meet up and see how they react. Say yes to the potential friends.

Speaking of which...

The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes might also be interesting. Sure, it’s a little pop culture positive thinking kinda stuff, but I did like the impulse it gave me to consider when I say no to opportunities out of anxiety or worry. It made me accept some social invitations from colleagues (… in the before times) that I would not have otherwise considered. I did not gain life-long friends, but I did learn another valuable info: That my FOMO wasn’t justified for these events ;)

It also lead me to the decision to do one new thing every month – visit a new place or try a new activity or cook a new food. If the concept sounds appealing, just think about what sounds interesting and achievable to you.

And finally, the advice blog recommendations that I’ll always have. For social life, love life, and general life planning turmoil: Captain Awkward. For everything job-related, including how to write a good cover letter or interview well and, of course, how to get out of the dreaded current job you have: Ask A Manager.

To sum it up:

1) Figure out if you even have the energy to tackle any of this right now.

2) Figure out your pillars for a satisfying life – nothing big and shiny, just … basic needs, wishes, social needs.

3) When you feel like it, pick what you want to tackle next and see where it leads you.

4) Stay flexible. This is your life and it’s okay to go where it takes you, even if it doesn’t look „cool“ or „impressive“ from the outside. All you need is to make it your own.

And if you want to, let me know how it goes some time. :)

[magpieslocket]

#writeyourwitchcraft

Inspired by this post, I wrote down my answers to these prompts in September 2019. Revisiting the list, I have rewritten my answers for January 2021.

The long long prompt list and answers follow under the cut.

What draws me to witchcraft?

Witchcraft draws me in as a tool of self-reflection and self-improvement.

How do I see the divine?

I see the divine as a human creation out of necessity. We seek patterns in a chaotic universe, and divinity is the thing beyond us that laces together disparate parts into a seamless whole.

What in witchcraft makes me happy?

Tea, oils, incense, and community.

Do I want to follow a path that has to do with a little nature, or a lot of nature?

A lot of nature. I believe we need nature in our lives, and the closer we can get to it, the healthier we are.

What areas of witchcraft would I like to learn more about?

Regional biodiversity, ethnobotany, divination outside of tarot, more about tarot, more traditional Americana regional styles of craft.

Where do my witchy talents lie?

Visualization and empathy.

What kind of deities, if any, do I want to honor?

I don’t currently work with any deities.

How do I believe magic works?

If it works, it works by sympathetic principles of energy flow and positive psychology. I think we manifest what we believe. I think we have the most powerful computer on the planet riding around on our shoulders, and magic is a way to program ourselves.

Simple or elaborate spells/rituals? Why?

As elaborate as is needed. I believe that some pageantry acts as a trigger in our brain to start recording, so to speak. By performing a ritual, we are telling ourselves we have power to affect the outcome of events. Some elaborate steps can help us believe it better, as we are so trained to see simplicity as ineffective.

What are my views on cursing/hexing?

I believe it is pointless, as it only increases the pain and hate in your own heart, and will seldom affect the target unless the target knows they have been cursed. On the other hand, I don’t believe in some “karmic” return of the reflection of the power used. I think it is fine for others, but I don’t seek it out. 

Do I want to practice something similar to my ancestors?

I am wary of Norse reconstructionist religion because so much is based on so little in the way of sources, so I have no idea how similar the practice is to what my Danish ancestors would have really known. In spite of this, I have always been drawn to Norse mythology and have Huginn tattooed behind my ear. I try to balance my own Norse leanings with some Americana / Appalachian tradition.

What are the basic morals and ethics I feel I should live by?

This is such a difficult question to boil down to a few sentences. I believe we are all human together, and as such, we must treat each other with dignity and respect. Not because of some reward for doing good, but because we wish to be treated with dignity and respect ourselves. 

What in nature am I drawn to; the ocean, animals, the trees, etc?

All of it.

Which (witchy) holidays, if any, would I like to celebrate and how?

I celebrate the Wiccan Wheel of the Year with friends because while none of us are Wiccan, we are all flavors of Pagan, and find the regular breaking of bread together fun.

How do I believe divination works?

Divination is self knowledge passed through the veil that obfuscates authorship. We project our gut feelings onto a medium made to soak up and amplify those feelings into readable patterns, then read those patterns without acknowledging our hand in making them.

Would I like to work with a group some of the time, all of the time or not at all?

Some of the time would be grand, Covid willing. I would love to find more like minded people to practice with.

Which aspects of witchcraft appeal to me most, which the least?

I love the trappings of witchcraft, and despise the gatekeeping, racism, and antisemitism that plague the community. The sense of community and the ceremony of witchcraft appeals to me in so many ways, but I find a lot of fault in the community at large for cultural appropriation of people it then fetishizes. 

What do I believe happens to us when we die?

I think we go dark, cease to be, and are mourned. I think our body returns to dust and our mind was only ever a flicker of light in the darkness in the first place.

How do I see mythological creatures?

I think most mythological creatures are based on hearsay of living or extinct animals, that knowledge passed down from ear to ear and from generation to generation, changing and becoming unrecognizable to its original form, like a strange game of Telephone.

When do I feel most magical?

I feel magical when I am in a flow state. When the rest of the world melts away and I can focus entirely on the task at hand.

How much is witchcraft woven into my daily life; is this too much, too little or just enough?

I feel that right now, it is just enough. I use visualization to boost my mood, my confidence, and my energy, and I use meditation to relax, soothe anxiety and depression, and be more mindful of my body. I use crystals and teas to affect change in my emotional states.

What kind of witch do I feel I am?

If I had to choose, Green Witch. I feel most connected with the energy of plants.

Which texts/quotes best describe my current path?

There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments. – Janet Kilburn Phillips

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. – Greek proverb

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get. — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Do I like research and gathering info, or do I like things handed to me?

That is a loaded question and I don’t like it.

Which things about witchcraft worry or scare me?

I worry about becoming overly dependent on magical thinking and not taking the reins to my own life.

What is my favourite element?

No way to say.

How do I see gender (roles) in witchcraft?

Gender is not a binary experience, and gender roles in magic often feel like outdated trapping of a different time. I feel that society is catching up with the expression of gender being something varied and personal and that the witchcraft community is catching up too. I simply ignore anything that takes it upon itself to assign gender roles to magical correspondences. 

Am I interested more in magic, or spirituality?

I have had great talks with friends on the difference between the two. How do you define it? I think I prefer spirituality as a pattern grid that lays over life and gives meaning to senselessness.

Do I like to be told how to do things, or would I rather figure it out on my own?

That depends on the thing! I prefer to be told how to fix a car or not poison myself with homemade tea, but I like to figure out my own methods for programing my attitudes. 

What rules, if any, do I live by when it comes to witchcraft and magic?

I had a lot of trouble with this question. There are simple rules, like “don’t eat strange herbs without ample research” and there are complex rules, like “try not to appropriate closed cultures” - I think that like the ethics and morals question, it boils down to treating others how you’d like to be treated.

What do I gain from witchcraft and magic?

I gain a feeling of autonomy, to self-direct my own brain. 

Formal or informal rituals/spells? Why?

Informal, because who’s to say what is formalized. 

What subject do I love to study?

Oh everything. There isn’t a bad subject to study.

What is my favourite type of magic; candle, sympathetic, sigils, etc?

Sympathetic magic is one of my favorites, and sigils are a common topic of interest for me. 

What would my perfect witchy day be like?

What does this question mean? “April 25th — because it's not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket!”

Would I want to be dedicated/initiated?

Sure, if I trusted the people doing it.

Who do I honor (ex: deities, ancestors, myself, etc), and how do I, or would I like to, honor them?

I honor myself with mindful listening.

How do I create a sacred/witchy space?

I create the space by engaging with my five senses. Creating texture, scents, sights, and general ambiance to enrich my experience and captivate my senses. 

What do I believe is needed for a successful spell/ritual?

Intent and belief. 

Which cultures do I draw from in my witchcraft?

Norse, Hellenistic/Greek, American/Appalachian.

What is my learning style; books, websites, videos, more hands-on?

I’m still experimenting with content, but I think websites and hands-on.

What, if anything, in my mundane life influences my witchcraft?

Chronic depression and anxiety influence my witchcraft because they influence my energy levels and ability to engage with the experiences. 

What are my hobbies, how do I (or can I) incorporate them in my witchcraft?

My biggest hobbies are writing, drawing, and painting, and I use all three to explore my craft. I use writing to question and define, I use drawing to explore, and I use painting to honor.

Where do my non-witchy talents lie, how do I (or can I) incorporate them in my witchcraft?

Art is where most people would say my talent lies. I have used stormwater to add interesting energy to paintings, and would do so again in the future.

What would my dream witchy life look like? What steps can I take to work towards it?

My dream witchy life is running a combination gallery space and witchy store. Steps I can take would be to continue honing my craft (art and magic) and building the skills necessary to run a gallery space successfully.

What would my dream sacred space/witchy home look like? What steps can I take to work towards it?

Plants, plants, and more plants. Statues, paintings, and prints of powerful imagery. I am working on my gardening dreams, and my art dreams, so continue to do both of those things.

What symbols correspond with me; runes, animals, flowers, gemstones, etc?

Stags, deer, wolves, smokey quartz, rutilated quartz, snowflake obsidian, pothos.

Am I an open and proud witch, or do I (need to) hide my craft?

I am a very private person in real life. I don’t share my craft with anyone outside my direct family and close friends.

What are my favourite witchy items/tools; divination tool, ritual tool, décor, clothing, etc?

Tarot cards are my current obsession. Some of the magpied shiny bits that I have collected over the years, from sharks teeth to perfume bottles, make the list. 

What is holding me back in my craft?

Issues with mental health, physical health, and self-doubt.

What is my pre-spell/ritual routine?

Grounding myself to the Earth.

What are my ultimate witchy goals and how can I work towards them?

I’m not sure how to answer this. I guess, to be more mindful, to be more content, and to be more present. I am working with myself through therapy and ritual and setting small achievable goals to work towards those things. 

I implore @theodoravanyar and anyone else who takes the time to read this long slog of words to consider writing their own answers down for the new year. 

[dragonologist-phd]

Prodigy: Chapter 3

Sometimes, a family is three deadly Archons who care about each other a little more than they’d ever be able to admit.

(AO3)

Lilith cursed under her breath as she ruined yet another piece of parchment. With a heavy sigh, she fished another page from her pack and began the letter again.

Archon Tunon,

Allow me to express my deep appreciation for this opportunity…

She got further this time, almost to the end. The words stung her pride as she wrote them, and her grip on the quill left tremors in the handwriting. But the letter was readable and suitably respectful and she got all the way to the words your faithful servant before her temper flared and electricity slipped from her fingertips in an angry spark, leaving the letter torched just where her signature should go.

Lilith bit her lip to keep from cursing loud enough to wake the whole camp. That was the sixth paper she’d ruined trying to respond to Archon Tunon. It had been getting harder lately to play her part with him; she was ready for more than the role of an obedient Fatebinder who jumped at his call. Now that he had sent her to Vendrien’s Well with an Edict, fully expecting her to di in the process, it was almost impossible.

Almost. She could still do it, just a little while longer. She could pretend this mission was an honor and recite the lines that kept her on his good side. Because whatever Tunon thought, Lilith had no intentions of dying here. And when she returned to Court, she would need to make sure that Tunon had no reason to distrust her any more than he already did.

So Lilith steadied herself, picked up the quill, and started once again.

Of course, all of her hard work could be for nothing. The mere fact that she had been sent on this mission could mean that Tunon was looking for proper ways to get rid of her. In a way, it was a compliment; it meant he took her seriously. And she would show him that he was correct in doing so. She would sort out this mess between the Disfavored and the Chorus, she would reclaim these lands for Kyros, and she would return to Court with a new success to her name. Tunon would appear pleased, even if he secretly hoped for her failure, Kyros would know the victory was because of her, and Bleden Mark might even show his face for some sarcastic approval.

Lilith wondered if Mark had known about the Edict. If he had chosen not to tell her anything. She had to admit, it wouldn’t surprise her if he had. That was his way, the way of all the Archons. Secrets and manipulations. She knew the game and could play it well enough, hence the fawning letter to Tunon that she finally managed to finish with burning to a crisp.

Still, it was a disappointing thought; and even more disappointing was the idea that she might have thought, even subconsciously, that she could depend on him. Work with him? Certainly. But trust him?

That was a mistake Lilith was far too smart to make.

  Bleden Mark didn’t disagree with the logic behind the Edict. Between the oathbreakers and the arguing Archons, the Tiers could use a good reminder of their overlord’s power. And it was always fun to watch the chaos that followed in the wake of an Edict’s destruction.

Hy just wished Tunon has chosen a different Fatebinder to make the proclamation.

It wasn’t that he felt sentimentality towards Lilith in particular; at least, no more than he did his favorite dagger. He just didn’t want all those years of work to be wasted by her getting killed off so soon.

But Tunon has made his decision, and to be fair, it wasn’t completely unfounded. Lilith had experience dealing with both armies involved in this mess, and with the people of the Tiers. She had proven capable with every other task she had been given. And while the tension in the land was unmistakably brewing, it hadn’t come to a boil just yet. Now wasn’t the time to bite back against this particular Archon’s hand.

So Mark held his tongue and watched, as he always did. Lilith was young and ambitious, but she was no fool; if there was a winning strategy to be found in the Tiers, she would find it. Or she would fail and prove that she had never learned anything from Mark after all. Either way, there was nothing to do but wait.

Tunon expected her to never return. Mark knew that much. Mark also knew the Archon of Justice was underestimating his Fatebinder.

And sure enough, the day finally came when the land shook with the realization of a resolved Edict, and it was not long after that when Lilith strode into Tunon’s Court, haughty as ever and very much alive.

Tunon had many questions, of course, and she answered each with a steady confidence while the other members of the Court looked on with curiosity. Before, Lilith had been relatively well-known and respected for her part in the Conquest; now, she was truly an object of interest. And not only her, but also the odd entourage that had followed her to Court: a woman wearing the colors of the Scarlet Chorus who stared daggers at the people around her, a Sage who managed to avoid eye contact completely by keeping his nose buried in a scroll, and a strange figure encased completely in rusted steel.

Bleden Mark sized them all up from the shadows, grinning to himself as his interest built. What have you been up to, kid?

Tunon’s interrogation wouldn’t get to the truth of that; Lilith knew how the Court worked too well to truly speak her mind. Mark would need to ask her himself.

He waited until she had finished the rest of her business, keeping an eye from dark corners as she made her rounds of the Court. Only when she approached the exit did he pull away from the dim grayness and step into the open air.

“Welcome back, kid.”

She managed not to startle at his sudden appearance- she’d been getting better at that lately- and simply raised an eyebrow in his direction. “If it isn’t the Archon of the Elderly. I was wondering when you would show up.”

Her voice was hard as stone, and after a first cursory glance in his direction she looked stubbornly away. Mark should have expected her first day back would not be an easy one; not with the way the Court had thrown her to the sharks. Instead of acknowledging her tone, he only snorted at her comment. “Is that supposed to wound me? If so, you’ll need to try harder than that. You’re still not half as impressive as you think you are.”

“And yet still twice as impressive as most of Tunon’s other lackeys,” she answered with a shrug.

“Always with a smart answer,” Mark said, shaking his head as he grinned. “But I guess you’re not entirely wrong. Especially after that little trick you pulled with the Spire.”

Lilith lifted her chin, and despite her air of lofty indifference, a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. Whether or not she was angry with Mark, she always did appreciate acknowledgement of her abilities.

“Of course,” Mark continued, “You also cause more of a ruckus than any other lackey.”

The smile disappeared. “Enough of a ruckus to make your list of problems?”

“What else did you expect after putting yourself on the map like that?” Mark grinned sharply even as Lilith’s expression darkened. “Oh, don’t look so somber. I thought you would be flattered that Tunon thinks you’re important enough to be a problem.”

“It’s not that,” she said shortly. “It’s just that it can be difficult to get stuff done when he’s keeping watch on me.”

Mark considered that for a moment, and then- quickly, before he could question his own judgement- slipped the bracer off his arm and tossed it to Lilith. “This might help with that.”

She caught it on instinct, blinking down at it in surprise. Even if she weren’t a student of the arcane, it would have been hard for her to miss that essence of shadows imbued in the bracer. For a moment her eyes flickered between him and the gift, intrigued but cautious. “You’re not usually known for your generosity. What’s the catch?”

“No catch- not this time, at least.” She still didn’t look very convinced, and Mark couldn’t help but grin at her suspicion. That’s my girl.

“I like you, kid,” he said, offering her another sharp grin. “And as amusing as it would have been to watch that Edict drop, I guess I’m glad you’re alive.”

A storm cloud passed over Lilith’s face. “That’s why you let Tunon try to sacrifice me to the Edict.”

Mark paused at that. It wasn’t as if there was anything he could say to comfort Lilith. Comfort was a rare thing in a place like this. And she was right; he’d let Tunon make this gamble, because stopping him would put Mark in a dangerous position that he wasn’t yet ready to be in.

So he simply shrugged and said, “I do what I can, kid. Just like you. But none of us can do everything.”

Lilith glared at him a little longer, and for a moment Mark thought she would hurl the bracer back at him. But after a long moment she let out a deep breath and slipped the bracer on her arm. “Yeah. We do what we can.”

  Lethian’s Crossing was safe. That was why Sirin had chosen it as her place to settle for the last few years. It was safe, familiar, out of the way, filled with people of weak wills to make sure she was well cared for.

It was also utterly boring.

Sirin hadn’t minded at first. In fact, it had been a nice change of pace after the Conquest. No demands from the Court, no battlefields, no Nerat to control her. For a while, it was bliss. She’d set herself up in one of the nicer homes of the settlement and quickly gathered herself a flock of people to see to her needs.

But as the months passed, the novelty began to wear off. Sirin had all that she wanted- a devoted following and a place away from the other Archons. But she was still left feeling restless.

It was, she decided, the headdress. That cursed headdress still leashed her, and no matter how far from Nerat she got she would never be truly free until it was gone. But she’d already tried every trick she knew of to release her, and none of it had ever worked.

And then, out of the blue, who should walk into her little home but the Fatebinder Lilith. Sirin had heard all the rumors about the Fatebinder and the Spires; as inconvenient as this visit was, she couldn’t help but be curious.

“To what do I owe this incredible honor, Fatebinder?” Sirin asked imperiously as Lilith approached her stage, flanked by a strange combination of companions. Sirin allowed her own crowd to arrange themselves around her, close enough to remind the other woman that she wasn’t defenseless here. “Is Tunon throwing another one of his tantrums trying to find me?”

“Tunon doesn’t care about you,” Lilith answered shortly. She looked around the crows with a bored disapproval, as if this whole arrangement were beneath her. “Not enough to send anyone looking, anyway. But seeing as I may have need of these town’s resources in the future, and you currently have them all tied up in waiting on you hand and foot, I thought I’d see if you and I could reach an agreement.”

Sirin laughed, letting the melodic sound echo around the room. Her admirers edged slightly closer, although Lilith remained unimpressed. She’d always been resistant to Sirin’s charms…but then again, Sirin had never put forth all her effort into trying to bend the Fatebinder’s will. She tilted her head, feeling the strange, balanced weight of the headdress as studied Lilith. The Fatebinder was known for her prowess with magic, and now she had awoken something within the Spires. Perhaps…

“Actually…” Sirin said, letting her powers seep through the melody of her voice. “There is something you can help me with.”

She took a step closer to Lilith. The companions behind her tensed, but Sirin ignored them; Lilith was clearly the leader here, which mean they weren’t important and therefore beneath Sirin’s notice. Instead, she directed all of her magic towards the Fatebinder, pushing as hard as she could against the iron grip of her headdress.

“Remove. My. Helmet.”

Lilith’s eyes closed- but only for a moment. They snapped open seconds later, icy and yet somewhat amused. “That’s enough, Sirin.”

Sirin let out a deep breath, partly in disappointment, and partly in exhaustion as she eased back on her straining powers. “Really? Nothing at all?”

Lilith laughed- a short, mocking sound. “I’ve been dealing with magic longer than you’ve alive. Don’t be so surprised I’m able to resist your little songs.”

“What can I say?” Sirin asked. “I’m the Songbird. That’s what I do.” She sighed, letting her gaze shift to the controlled townspeople. Even after stretching herself so thing in her attempt against Lilith, they still looked at her with devotion. She’d trained them well, after all.

Lilith looked around, her expression still unreadable, and added, “Even if it worked, I couldn’t have helped. That helmet is beyond my current means.”

Sirin huffed. “If you say so- although I shouldn’t have expected more. If I haven’t figured out a way to remove it, I doubt you could.” She paused, and flashed Lilith an innocent smile. “Unless the rumors are true, and that Spire changed you somehow?”

Something flashed in Lilith’s eyes- whether temper or suspicion, Sirin couldn’t quite tell. But it was gone in an instant, and Lilith replied, “The Spires can’t help you, and whatever power they gave me is none of your concern.”

“Then why are you here?” Sirin demanded. “You can’t help me, I can’t help you. I’ve been doing just fine taking care of myself here, so leave me alone and run back to the Archon. You won’t bother me, and I won’t bother you.”

Sirin expected Lilith to jump at that deal; she’d always been happy to avoid her before. But her words were met with silence, and from Lilith’s furrowed brow Sirin could tell the Fatebinder was thinking on something. Probably how she could get the best deal selling out Sirin’s location to Tunon or Nerat.

But Sirin wouldn’t go down that easily, she wouldn’t, she would turn the townspeople and all of Lilith’s people against her, she would burn this town to the ground before she went back to the Scarlet Chorus-

“Come with me,” Lilith said, and it took a moment for the words to sink in.

“What?”

“Come with me,” Lilith said again. “Use your powers for something worthwhile. Or stay here and be a petulant little kid playing with your toys. I don’t care.” She paused. “But I think you care. And I think you know that you have more potential than this.”

Sirin almost refused on instinct. But…she didn’t know how much longer she could away with this. And the Fatebinder was a wealth of knowledge on arcana. She said the Spires couldn’t help, but maybe she just hadn’t figured them out yet. Maybe- just maybe- she could help Sirin’s predicament, if Sirin got on her good side.

She wasn’t really sure Lilith had a good side. She was likely just another person looking to exploit Sirin’s gift. Everyone wanted to exploit her gift; that was a lesson Sirin had learned all too well. But at least Lilith wasn’t Tunon or Nerat.

“Very well,” Sirin said loftily, throwing her hair over her shoulder. “I will allow you the glorious gift of my presence. It’s better than dying of boredom in this backwater hole.”

  Lilith watched Sirin out of the corner of her eye as the left Lethian’s Crossing. The young Archon actually seemed excited as they left the town behind. She barely seemed to notice the wary glances from Landry and Verse, or that her ridiculous flowing skirt were already collecting dirt and dust from the worn path.

She would need better attire for the road. And she would need an excuse for Tunon as to why she was with Lilith when he inevitably found out.

Lilith didn’t know why she was going through all this trouble. The girl was the same brat as ever, arrogant and shallow and childish…

But powerful, there was no denying that. Unleashed, she’d be even more powerful than the Archons. Lilith remembered her own power, that racing, electrifying connection with the Spires. She didn’t understand it yet, but she was going to leave no stone unturned until she did. And there was a not-insubstantial possibility that Sirin’s abilities could help her do that. After all, controlling minds was never a useless ability.

And at the end of the day, if Sirin was childish, it was because she was still a child, just barely sixteen. What Sirin needed was someone better than Tunon or Nerat to teach her a few things. And if nobody else was going to try and keep her out of trouble, Lilith may as well try her hand at it.

It was a stupid thing to care about. Yet as the thought crossed Lilith’s mind, she found her fingers tracing over the silver bracer at her wrist. Between her newfound connection with the Spires, the machinations of Bleden Mark, and this new hassle of looking after a willful and unpredictable young Archon, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was making the wisest decisions.

But she’d made her decisions to work with Bleden Mark and Sirin alike, and it was too late to turn back now.

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 10 (LOUIS)

So I think one of the main reasons a lot of people were confused by this episode (well other than misleading subtitles......) was because a lot of us had our own long-time theories/assumptions about what Louis is or what a Rinne is, and this episode turned out a bit different from what we were all expecting. (I got a lot of messages that were like “But I always thought that...”) I think you have to let your past assumptions go in order to take this episode in. A few of my long-time assumptions were proved wrong by this episode as well.

Although, given this post does still include statements that are my own interpretations, if you think I’m wrong about something please feel free to speak up. (But also please include evidence from Rainbow Live if applicable, etc.) I’m afraid I may have to go back and edit this post several times, especially after whenever the director starts releasing interviews about all this. 

There is a tl;dr at the end, but I really hope most of you guys read all of this. I know it’s long, but the Crunchyroll subs for this episode are just....... so bad...... by far the worst....

I wasn’t really able to keep track of the the scores when I was watching this in theaters, so I actually didn’t realize what a big deal Joji’s score was until this scene at this moment. It’s why I tried to start a dialogue about it earlier. 

Kinda funny how Kokoro, Mondo, Mitsuba, and Tsurugi’s scores are almost exactly the same. It makes them feel all the more like manufactured prism stars.... (not really their fault, it’s how Schwarz Rose does things....) 

I’m going to skip over talking about the scene with Jin and Sanada because I think it’s best saved to discuss in a future episode. Don’t worry, we’ll deal with Jin later.

HE’S SO HAPPY AND CONFIDENT AND EVERYONE BELIEVES IN HIM........................................................................................ 

The translator doesn’t really understand prism sparkle, causing a lot of confusing dialogue in the subs, but I suppose that’s kind of to be expected for anyone that didn’t watch Rainbow Live. 

I’m pretty sure the intended meaning here was: If they can’t fix Rinne then the prism sparkle will disappear, which would mean the end of the prism world, and the prism gods, etc.

Um no, I think they said F-type here. Rinne keeps falling in love with male stars because she’s “F-type”. 

My understanding of the scene is: the Rinnes keep falling in love, which is keeping them from spreading the prism sparkle and leading to destruction of the prism world. But the gods hesitate to make an M-type prism messenger since there is a “dark history” with that. So they just change the basics (like appearance) of Rinne to be male, while keeping the rest of the coding the same, and..... 

....Also restore the memory to hopefully “avoid problems”.

(The subs say “back up” here which isn’t so off, but a bit misleading. I believe the Japanese is 復原 or 復元 = restore and they do say lit: “memory”, not data. I guess the translator was thinking in computery terms.) 

So this explains why Louis is male and has memories of the past, even though they say Rinnes lose their memory in Rainbow Live.  

He’s a Rinne, just a different version. 

And because he has those memories, he immediately begins looking for....

Turned? What do the subs mean by “turned”? 

The word used here was 復活 = to be revived/resurrected. 

I guess the translator thought Shine went to the dark side or something, but he went to the dark side long ago. (Either that or this was supposed to be “returned” and that was a typo.) 

This scene is taking place in the Pride the Hero-ish era and the prism gods are asking Louis WTF he’s doing awakening Shine (by giving Shin the pendant and whatnot). 

So. I read a while back in a director interview in the “Ready Sparking” fanbook that Louis’ mission was “to kill Shin”.

Which didn’t make any sense to me. Rinne in the flashback in Pride the Hero says she’ll find Shine again, so why would she find him just to kill him again? Why would Louis go to all the trouble of giving Shin the pendant and awakening his powers JUST TO KILL HIM? 

But now in this scene it makes sense. Louis’ mission was not to kill Shin(e) to begin with. He was intended to be just a regular prism messenger trying to spread the prism sparkle UNTIL THIS SCENE when his mission changed, because he decided to divert from his mission and awaken Shine without permission.  

So the spoiler I read was technically true, but not in the way it seemed. He did not specifically come like an angel of death to kill Shin(e). (A huge load off my mind.) But in between the ending of the first movie and Crazy Gonna Crazy, things changed. 

Once again, misunderstanding of prism sparkle. The way they subbed this, it sounds like he was told not to expand the brilliance of Shine because what “its” refers to is not clear............ It should have been more like: “Your mission now is the elimination of Shine. There is no need to worry about spreading the prism radiance anymore.”

None of this is readable in the theater ahah... Every time I saw Part 4, I always thought I’d be able to read a bit more of it and I never did. 

But yeah, I’m not sure if we knew before that Hijiri’s mother was deceased....? (Did we?) 

Edit: Lol nevermind we did.  

I heard some people saying that Shin(e) was a Rinne, so I just want to take a second to clarify this. 

Shine is not a Rinne. Shine is a Shine: A now defunct male prism messenger program. He’s a separate program from Rinne, and they were meant to exist together. (Unlike Rinne and June, who were both Rinnes and thus caused an error by existing at the same time in the same world in Rainbow Live.) 

Woah. I’m not sure, but I think they cleared up his face here to make it more obvious how much he looks like Shin...... I think I remember it being too dark to see his eyes well in the theatrical version...? ??

But anyway, the rule for prism messengers not being allowed to perform before an audience (and also the reason why) is something that was previously established in Rainbow Live.  

So I think the subs were absolutely fine for this part. My understanding of it was that after erasing Shine, Rinne gets stuck in a loop where she keeps self destructing because she’s trying to find Shine. 

This makes the prism gods decide to delete her memory. They also task her with guiding male stars as well, since Shine cannot fill that role anymore. This is why the Rinnes in the Rainbow Live era have their memory deleted, and what also unintentionally laid the groundwork for June to fall in love with Hijiri I believe. 

And because the Rinnes kept falling in love like June is why they re-wrote the program to be Louis to try and prevent this and also gave him the memories of the past Rinnes so he will supposedly know what not to do. (But the unintended effect of this is that the memories of the past Rinnes also gave him the memory of Shine, causing Louis to search for Shine again.) 

Which is why I’m confused as to why the very next scene is Louis staring at the pendant looking confused like he doesn’t recognize it or something? Because I thought from the earlier scene where Louis was created, he immediately set off looking for Shine after the Rinne -> Louis update? Am I just misreading his expression here or did I miss something? I don’t know. 

Edit: OMFG IM AN IDIOT. THE SCARF. This scene isn’t taking place right after Louis was created. It’s taking place right after Crazy Gonna Crazy. He’s looking at the pendant which fell from Shin after their show. It’s meant to transition into the events which happen after Louis re-seals Shine I guess. They could have made this a bit more clear. 

If you thought why the F is Kokoro here well WHY YES. YES THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE OTOHA 

but putting that aside

I believe this scene was supposed to establish that Louis knows the Rainbow Live girls. He has the past memory of Rainbow Live era Rinne, but he can’t really do anything about it........... (It’s not like he can just go talk to them as Louis.....)

But his expression is so unreadable it’s hard to tell. 

He gives Shin back his powers to jump geez Crunchyroll.

(But for anyone wondering how mix-ups like this can even occur in the first place, a lot of sentences in Japanese don’t have subjects in them. Therefore, if you don’t know.... the context.............................) 

Maybe the translator chose this wording in the context of prism messengers being forbidden to be seen on stage. But as much as I appreciate that, it’s wrong. In this scene Louis is saying that he physically cannot perform. (He’s a fallen prism messenger now, so the rules don’t matter.)

Okay, I’ll take a moment to explain this just in case, since it is not explained outright:

When Louis broke his connection with the prism world and lost his rainbow feathers in Pride the Hero, he made the same decision June did when she ripped off her wings in Rainbow Live. He chose Shin(e) over his mission. He disobeyed orders and cut himself off from the prism gods in order to do things in his own way.

But whenever a prism messenger makes this decision, their rainbow feathers are replaced by the night dream feathers. The night dream feathers take life away. 

(Screencap from Rainbow Live episode 43.)

In other words, ever since Louis pulled out his earring in Pride the Hero he has slowly began to die.....

Although this is never stated clearly within the main King of Prism series, there are several ways you could have picked up on it before this episode. 

First of all, like I said before we have already been through this with June in Rainbow Live. 

Second, across the Road to SSS events on Prism Rush we have steadily seen Louis getting weaker and weaker. At first he was just tired and fell asleep after the Schwarz Rose opening ceremony in Road to SSS 1, but then his deteriorating condition was made crystal clear in his Queen of Glass PR story from Road to SSS 4, in which Louis plans a date with Shin only to collapse and unwittingly stand him up. 

And then eventually by the time we get to Road to SSS 9, Louis cannot even gather the energy to perform at all unless it’s with Shin. And we got this whole scene with a weakened Louis begging Shin to perform with him.

But even after their performance is a success and they win the Tokyo Kizuna Beat Climax, by the time we get to Road to SSS 10 Louis is so weak they miss the finals. 

Finally, Louis being a fallen prism messenger is directly confirmed in literally the opening scene of King of Prism SSS. 

So if you saw this scene and your reaction was something more like “Oh look it’s Louis... are his wings different?” and not “LOUIS IS DYING” then well.... That’s exactly why I’m always telling you guys to watch Rainbow Live.......................

Although, there was a bit of confusion over these feathers even for people who watched Rainbow Live so don’t feel too bad if that’s you. Some people thought Shin had the night dream feathers in Pride the Hero, or that Rinne had them in the end of Rainbow Live. 

But no. The regular star-type feathers are dark blue too. (Generic, lower level feathers than the rainbow ones.(?))

There are only two characters to have the night dream feathers. And they are: June in Rainbow Live and Louis in SSS. Both fallen prism messengers. 

And buried in the midst of all this Louis drama and deep lore is my probably favorite Joji line of all time. Seriously the Joji in this scene is best Joji and I cannot not laugh no matter how much I’m suffering. 

Okay so. Here is what I do not understand about this episode and would be thrilled if someone could explain it to me. If Yamada-san knew Wataru Hibiki, then Shine could not have been sealed that long ago. I actually searched my fanbooks/magazine collection until I found one which listed Yamada-san’s age as 24. So he’s probably 25 now. So this scene could not have taken place more than 20 years ago (and even that is generous). 

So what the heck was all that 1,000 years thing about? Is that just the amount of time Rinne and Shine knew each other? Or does time just not flow in a straight line for prism messengers when they are skipping in and out of different worlds? 

WOAH

WOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHIN’S PHONE BACKGROUND IS DIFFERENT 

Okay you’re just going to have to believe me on this, BUT I SWEAR Shin’s phone background in the theatrical version is a photo of his hand holding the pendant. Which seems like a weird choice for a background right? But I had a theory on it that I was gonna discuss here. And that theory is that Shin wanted some kind of a background that reminded him of Louis, and that was all he had. (He couldn’t straight up use a picture of Louis because he didn’t want the other boys to question it.)

But TV version Shin, HE JUST WENT FOR IT. NO SHAME. DAMN BOY. 

I can’t help but wonder why Shin still feels like he has to hide his relationship with Louis here, considering if Road to SSS is canon like it seems to be then they all saw Shin and Louis perform together at the Kizuna Beat Climax a few months ago. 

But I guess in between the Prism King Cup and the start of the Prism One tensions rose with Schwarz Rose again, so maybe he’s worried about that?

Or maybe there is a possibility that maybe he would talk about it if it was anyone but Leo asking. What with how Leo is. 

(I know the real reason is probably just because for plot convenience/the casual viewer hasn’t read Road To SSS but shhhhhhhhhhhh.)

I’m sorry but, man I do not like this outfit. And not because it’s basically girls clothing. If Naru wore it I would hate it too. It’s just kinda ugly IMHO. (It’s not an existing Pretty Rhythm coord is it?)

Original brand glasses Shin is cute as heck though. 

I like how he just keeps his same damn clothes he’s been wearing the entire time in SSS and just glasses + hat = done. Pfft. 

Shin and Louis saw a PriPara movie together. 

(Prism Tours is the name of the first PriPara movie, which included different courses of Pretty Rhythm shows/flashbacks shown on different weeks in theaters back in 2015. The “flavor” Over the Rainbow animation seen in the first King of Prism movie was actually reused from Prism Tours, and increased attendance to the prism boys course of that movie including that scene was one of the main reasons King of Prism was greenlit in the first place. So I wonder if this is actually a reference to that.)

This crazy umbrella street is apparently based on a real place in Nagasaki (nowhere near Tokyo).

I just happened to catch a Tweet about it right after Part 4 came out.

So..... I actually wasn’t as excited for Shin and Louis’ date as you would think I’d be. I spent a while thinking about it and I came up with a couple reasons. First of all, even though this is the first date they have had in the main series, in the side materials.... they date all the time. Like seriously! In my mind they have already been dating for years so this was like just another date. 

Second.... honestly...... I don’t really ship Shin and Louis all that much anymore. Or at least not in the way I used to. My feelings about them peaked somewhere in the Pride the Hero era, and have been quietly declining since. And this scene basically sealed it. Their relationship just isn’t what I thought it was. I know in this episode Louis realizes he loves Shin and not Shine, but he took such a long time to reach that conclusion and I’m just so uncomfortable about their relationship being originally based on Rinne’s relationship with Shine. Which was not a healthy relationship. 

Also! It wasn’t 1,000 years since they have seen each other dammit! It was like 20! AT MOST! Right????? Yeah that’s a long time for mortals, but not for a being like Louis that lives for thousands of years. 

Anyway before you send me hate, just know that I’m definitely not saying Shin and Louis shouldn’t be together and I’m certainly not saying that you should agree with me. Both of them deserve happiness, especially Louis. I’m just saying I personally am not as passionate about them the way I used to be. 

But even so....

That didn’t stop me from going to find the location of this scene when I was in Tokyo last week! 

So did Shin pass the smell test or not? Because Louis.... I guess technically........... (nevermind..... not gonna open up that can of worms right now...........)

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW MAKES ME SO SAD

(Especially thinking about what happens next.) 

 Louis is not at his peak performance condition here. He’s not performing a serious competitive show. Heck, he’s just wearing casual clothing. 

He’s finally realized he loves Shin and not Shine................  All he wants to do is just relive his date with Shin................ THATS ALL.....................

WTF THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS ONE 

THIS IS THE MOST BLATANT MISTRANSLATION YET 

He says 君は僕を殺すことができない = You cannot kill me 

Shine tells Rinne (Louis) that she cannot kill him because that would erase Shin’s memories too. He knows Louis cannot stand to lose Shin.

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HE JUST WANTED TO RECREATE HIS DATE WITH SHIN

HE JUST WANTED TO DO A FUN LITTLE SHOW ABOUT HOW HE LOVES SHIN

THAT’S ALL

WHY

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 

It took me a long time to appreciate it considering WHAT JUST HAPPENED but this YABEEEEEEEE from Sanada is pretty hilarious. 

This is unfortunately (?) another moment ruined by the new ending music. 

In the theatrical version, this moment is dead silent and it makes it all the more apparent the.... change which has just taken place. It is terrifying. 

But regardless. Now you can probably guess why episode 11 is so painful for me and any fans of Shin..................................

*deep breath*

Okay so. Let’s review. 

Here is my tl;dr of the timeline, from my understanding:

The Rinne/Shine program is created with Rinne for female stars and Shine for male ->  Shine breaks the rules and so Rinne has to erase him -> But Rinne doesn’t erase him completely and promises to find him again -> The Rinne program gets stuck in a loop where she keeps freezing/self destructing because she's trying to find Shine ->  The gods decide to start erasing the memory of the Rinnes -> Rinne keeps falling in love with male stars since she's in charge of male stars now too ->   The events of Rainbow Live happen -> The gods decide to alter the Rinne program to make the body male and restore the memory of the past Rinnes to fix this, creating Louis -> Since Louis has the memory of the past Rinnes he goes to find Shine again -> The events of King of Prism : Louis begins the process of resurrecting Shine in Shin ->  The gods find out and order him to delete Shine again -> Louis still cannot finish the job and cuts himself off from the prism gods, becoming like June -> Louis realizes he loves Shin not Shine but.... -> Louis’ weakened state allows Shine to fully resurrect, and.....

So. There is more to this. But if you would like to come to your own conclusions about what just happened in that final scene and go into the next episode blind, this post is over. Thanks for joining me this far!! 

But if you would like me to explain some more things using spoilers not revealed until the next episode, keep scrolling. 

Obviously you don’t have to!

It’s up to you! 

I just kinda feel like I owe it to you guys. 

(Since I was lucky enough to get my major questions answered right away and not have to wait a week like you guys do.)

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Ready?

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Episode 11 spoilers start here

So I first saw Part 4 on like, 3 hours sleep. So as you can imagine I was having a really hard time taking all this in. And when that last scene happened I was basically plunged into the darkest depths of absolute horror. To think all this time I had been worried about Louis hurting Shin. The opposite had never ever crossed my mind. 

In my first viewing what I thought happened was that Shin had just regained his memories and killed Louis. And for 30 seconds or so, I seriously considered walking out of the theater. Not that I didn’t plan to ever finish watching it, but I just felt I was not ready and needed time to cry and take this all in before continuing to the next episode at the next showing. I was so close and literally the only reason I didn’t leave was because I just didn’t want other people to see me walking out. So I stuck with it and forced myself through the next two episodes. 

And I’m glad I did. Because that’s not what happened. 

The next episode makes it very clear that Shin and Shine are two different people. Shin did not get any memories back in the final scene. Shin is Shin, and Shine is Shine. 

From what I can gather, Shin was born with Shine sealed inside him. He’s like the host. (Whether this technically makes him a reincarnation or not, I’m not sure.) Shin has never had any contact with Shine, but Shine has always been watching life through Shin’s eyes.

The Shin we see walking off at the end of episode 10 is Shine controlling Shin’s body. From the moment he says “Rinne.....” Shine is in control, and Shin as we know him is unconscious. Shin has no memory of the things he does while Shine is controlling him. 

Also, the act of Shine destroying Rinne’s feathers did not kill Louis back there. But as you can imagine, he’s in bad, BAD shape right now.....

[twilightprince101]

A Letter from Revali to you

This is a Christmas present to @chained-ikshu (aka Jade). After they gave me and another friend of mine an art present, I felt like I had to give something back. But even though this is a gift to them, anyone can read it if you’re a Revali fan! 

A Letter from Revali comes in the mail. It is addressed to you. You’re surprised, considering that he would usually fly to meet up with you wherever you are and talk with you face to face. That, along with the fact that you have never seen him send any mail. But encased in an envelope with a special candle wax seal to close it (with the symbol of Vah Medoh as the seal) was, as of your knowledge, one of the few letters that Revali has ever sent. And it was to you.

You had received it after finishing tending to your garden in the Tabantha Frontier. While other neighbors around your home had always hunted, you always believed that bringing in a fresh harvest was more rewarding. After collecting all of the swift carrots and putting them in their respective pile, a messenger Rito had flown down from the clear skies above. He seemed agitated as he held the mail to you, but all of his stress was relieved when the paper was given to you. He did not say a word after the letter was shoved into your hands, and then he flew back to Rito Village, with its large rock formation looming in the distance.

It was a letter from Revali, the Rito Champion. Or more accurately, a letter from your love. The two of you have been together for so long that you could barely count the days to keep track. You smile as your mind drifts back to the image of him, sighing out of hopeless affection. It has been quite a while since you have last seen him; perhaps this is what this letter is for? To confirm for yourself, you pick away the seal on the front and open the parchment. Despite not ever seeing Revali’s handwriting before, you thought it was very impressive as he wrote in a unique font. It was similar to cursive, but it was slightly more readable, which made you smile because you hated cursive. And so, you began to read.

“My one and only champion,

It has been so very long since I have seen the magnificent smile of yours, and every day that we are apart I yearn for it more. I do apologize for not contacting you in person, but I have been up to my beak in work with the Princess and her appointed knight. They constantly insist that I must assist their victory over a magnificent beast that was sealed away 10,000 years ago. I have agreed and have been gathering my belongings, but I will not leave until I do a few final tasks.

One of them, my love, is to spend our anniversary together.

Perhaps you were worried that, due to how I have been tugged around these past few cycles of the moon, I may have forgotten. But in truth, you have been on my mind the most since the Princess had arrived. She is beautiful, yes, but none can outmatch you my darling. In a few days I must leave, but since our anniversary; the anniversary of the start of our relationship, is soon upcoming, I simply know that I must see your face once more.

I can still remember the day we have met. I was surveying the area for monsters and became famished, so I stopped to sample your delectable edibles as I have heard many talk of your many skills. We may have gotten off on the wrong foot, as in it took a while for us to obtain anything due to our mutual stubbornness, but I was still glad that I met you. Slowly but surely, you had brought me meals every day to prove me wrong for insulting your garden. But right alongside that, it had given us a chance to talk to one another. My heart still leaps with joy whenever I remember us meeting up once again. When you had confessed that you had feelings for me, I was truly shocked! But I had never been so glad to be caught by surprise.

So since tomorrow I am departing to Hyrule Castle to converse with the other champions, I would first like to spend one more night with you. I shall take you onto my back and show you the stars, and perhaps in return you could make us your signature Banana Nut Bread! We can meet tomorrow eve; I would assume that this would be the best option for the both of us.

But most of all, I would like to say thank you. So many people, Hylians and Rito alike have never truly seen me past my glorious skill. So when you had confessed that you have had feelings for me, I was close to leaping for joy! You were one of the few that I know that see past my arrogant exterior and see me for truly me! You refused to let others talk bad for me while I ignored what others had to say, as I believe that it is all simply noise. You were one of the few Hylians that broke through that noise and found the true me! Every day I am together with you now has always been a pleasure. So I would like to thank you once again for everything you have done for me. I truly do appreciate it.

So we shall meet tomorrow! I shall bring my stories and you shall provide the Banana Nut bread? My heart cannot contain my joy of seeing you any longer; I simply cannot wait any longer! But do remember when I travel with the several other champions, you shall always be on my mind. I promise that when I leave that I will come back for you. But most of all, I promise that tomorrow will be the perfect evening for the both of us.

Until tomorrow my love!

Revali, Rito Champion.”

[wackygoofball]

Gifset: Jaime x Brienne - Traveler AU

Jaime Lannister, manager and right-hand man to the CEO of the company, his father Tywin, lives a life that goes its course almost entirely by itself. From the early beginnings of his life, he was framed to, one day, inherit his father’s “family empire.” And Jaime never bothered, really, being a natural in what it takes to fill in such a position. It just seemed like the most natural conclusion to go with the flow.

Nothing out of the ordinary happens – until it does.

A car accident right outside the family company’s office building leaves Jaime’s right hand permanently damaged. And this experience shows Jaime one thing: He didn’t witness anything exciting, anything extraordinary, and almost died not having achieved much of anything outside the family business.

At first, he is simply depressed, caves in at home, does not show up at work, is done with life. But then, perhaps by a wink of fate, Jaime finds an old map, from the last holiday he took when he was still in college, and bought himself a ticket to Lys out of the blue. He almost completely forgot over business life that this was his last actual holiday, and a good one, actually. And as he sits there, going back over some of the good old memories, Jaime has to realize that he hasn’t taken any time for himself, hasn’t traveled – beside for work – in ages.

In a cloak-and-dagger operation, Jaime buys backpack, boots, tent, and whatever else he can gather, only to wind up by the Citizens Advice Bureau first chance he has to get the papers needed. After that, Jaime takes a taxi to King’s Landing Airport and wants to board the next-best plane he can catch, much to the irritation of the woman sitting behind the counter.

When asked to where he would like to go, Jaime simply replies, “Doesn’t matter. Just away from here. So long I can fly right now, I don’t care what the location is.”

And so, Jaime finds himself walking on Dornish soil soon thereafter.

Already at the airport, as he waits for his luggage to arrive, Jaime gets one confused phone call after the other from his family members, asking him where he is.

“Dorne. What would you want to do in Dorne?!”

“Making holidays,” Jaime replies simply, again and again.

“And you couldn’t have told anyone beforehand?”

“I got the last ticket.”

“When are you going to come back?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?! But Jaime…”

“As I said, I don’t know, and my bag just arrived. I am hanging up now, bye.”

Jaime reckons that the vacation will do him good, but he soon grows dissatisfied. Doing the usual tourist routines has him rather annoyed. Even the prospect of seeing some of the most beautiful sights Dorne has to offer has Jaime shockingly little excited. He thought that this would be it, that this is what he is seeking, but… it’s not.

The realization comes to Jaime one late night, watching a travel documentary on a small TV in his hotel room: He doesn’t need vacation, he needs to travel.

Thus, Jaime gets himself on a ferry to the Stepstones, from the Stepstones to the Grey Gallows, and from the Grey Gallows to Tyrosh, and so forth. On the way, Jaime buys himself a bunch of disposable cameras to take pictures with, and begins to do something that he didn’t do ever since the accident, namely to write – in a leather journal he bought on a small market in Dorne.

After all, no one is going to read his chicken scratch other than him.

However, not all is rosy on that journey, because Jaime has to realize far sooner than later that walking into this completely unprepared comes with a certain kind of thrill, but also a lot of troubles. Ending up in rat holes of hotels, having to camp out in the wilderness when the motels are all overbooked, only to realize that he never put up a tent in his life and thus failing miserably at the task, are only some of the troubles he encounters on that vacation.

At the same time, Jaime is thrilled to see all those new places, meet all sorts of people, taste different foods, and make experiences he never would have made, had he stayed home.

During his stay at Braavos, something catches his interest as he visits the Titan of Braavos, because there is one person in the mass of tourists taking pictures of the statue and following tourist guides around like geese, who seems not at all interested in the monument. The tall woman with blonde hair has not taken a single picture of the statue, Jaime observed, but instead took out her camera to take pictures of rather queer things, at least to Jaime’s mind: An ice cream cone dropped on the ground seems to have her particular interest.

Jaime feels very tempted to talk to her, but as he is about to do it, a youngster falls off the Titan’s toe after he had to climb on top of the statue, and everyone starts to fuss, so that Jaime loses the blonde woman in the crowd.

He travels to the next location, though the woman with brilliant blue eyes and an odd taste in objects of interest, remains on his mind all the while.

After a quite desperate phone call from his younger brother Tyrion, Jaime reluctantly agrees to check on his emails. For that matter, he gets into an internet café, because Jaime cannot properly read mails on his phone, and he purposely left his computer at home before he went on his vacation. After a quick check-in with reality awaiting him back home, Jaime decides that he is not yet ready to succumb to that life again, so he closes the tab and instead decides to use his remaining time at the café to browse the internet for traveler advices, groaning at some things he could easily have prevented, had he bothered to read up on the matter before just boarding a flight to Dorne.

In the course of his research, Jaime stumbles over a blog named The Traveler’s Guide of the Other Kind. And compared to most blogs he scrolled through, which were mostly focused on the person and his or her experiences, lots of pictures with nice InstaBran filters and what not, this blog’s title holds true. This one does not feature any pictures… of the person who is running this blog, let alone clues about his or her identity.

However, the blog is even more curious, because it doesn’t talk about what food to get where, or what sights are worth the voyage. Instead, the blog entries are largely about “The Small Things,” about sunsets in certain locations and at what times the light is the best, quite witty comments on the masses of people all doing the same thing “in strange sort of rituals, hailing statues, bridges, castles, and churches of faiths they do not even partake in, and all that with cameras and selfie sticks,” little anecdotes about people the author saw and observed, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes rather romantic.

Jaime would love to go on, but apparently, he kept reading the blog so long that the internet café is closing for the day. Nevertheless, he remains intrigued, so Jaime starts scrolling through the text posts on his phone once returned to his shabby motel.

Lying on his back in bed, he continues reading the posts that keep captivating him, finding it almost hilarious that some of the experiences and impressions written are so close to his own. Jaime drops his phone right in his face as it literally hits him that the author of the blog apparently features an entry on “The Tristful Chronicles of a Braavosi Ice Cream Cone,” with a picture of a dropped ice cream cone at the top, matching both the day and the location when Jaime saw that tall blonde woman taking pictures of that ice cream cone on the ground.

Jaime reckons that if he took the risk to abandon his entire life to go travelling, he might just as well take the risk to reach out to that woman who has been flitting across his mind ever since he saw her in Braavos.

What is the worse that can happen, right?

Thus, Jaime tries to type a comment, but ends up pushing the SEND-button before he could double-check, thus sending a message that is filled with typos and some really odd wordings. “Stupid hand!” Meanwhile, in a hotel room on New Ghis, Brienne is surprised to get a new comment on her “The Tristful Chronicles of a Braavosi Ice Cream Cone” entry, which did not have too many readers at all.

Not that Brienne bothers. She didn’t start the blog to gain followers, but simply wanted to have a place to gather her thoughts at. The message she receives now has her rather baffled, because… typos and rather a lot of gibberish stuffed into a short comment, but still readable enough for her to understand that the person who wrote this saw her back at the Titan and wondered until s/he found this blog what was so interesting about that ice cream cone.

Brienne is a bit shocked: She never posts pictures of herself, for the plain reason that she is ugly and doesn’t like to have her picture taken anyway. The thought that someone may out her is somewhat frightening to Brienne. After all, she tries to stay anonymous, just travels around, merges in with the background to observe.

Yet, she cannot resist replying, very cautiously so. However, to her even greater surprise, Brienne gets a reply almost instantly, and then another, and another, and she ends writing back each time.

Jaime and Brienne eventually message each other over the private message tool of the blog, which allows them to communicate more privately, discussing their travelling experiences, to where they have already gone, etc.

Sometime later, almost by accident, they find out that they are currently in the same location. So Jaime takes a chance and suggests to meet.

Brienne almost falls off her chair once she reads that message. Because that never happened, and she believed it impossible anyway. Brienne replies, truthfully, that she has to catch a flight that same day, later that evening. Jaime replies instantly that he wouldn’t care.

“We can meet up as long as we can until you have to fly again, I don’t mind.”

And so, they meet. The first handshake is all kinds of awkward once it dawns on them that they are two strangers who decided to meet based on some shared travel experiences. The beginning of the conversation is rather rocky, but once they start talking about journeys again, the two somehow ease into the situation. Jaime eventually find the courage to ask Brienne about why she takes those rather odd pictures and why they are the focus of her online travel guide. And so, Brienne explains: “To me, travelling is about seeing places, about witnessing them. And that is more than tasting the food, looking at the statues, the churches. It’s about watching people interact, about seeing children climb on top what is considered a cultural good. It’s about lost ice cream cones. Couples breaking up and proposing to one another in the cheesiest of ways. You know, I could have done it like most others do, focus on the obvious, the conventional. But I like to think that… that there is something beautiful in the unconventional, just like it is in what seems to be utterly unimportant because it is so very conventional.“

Jaime is thrilled about what he hears.

Suddenly, Brienne gets a call that her normal flight is going to be cancelled, but that she can still catch an earlier flight if she gets to the airport within two hours. Brienne excuses herself, explaining that she always wanted to see Old Valyria at the season, and knows she won’t catch a flight until they close down for the year. Jaime tells her that it’s fine and that he perfectly understands. Brienne is very apologetic – and a bit mournful because she can’t remember the last time she enjoyed a date that much.

As they prepare to part, Jaime tells her that he will be waiting for the next log entry on Old Valyria. Brienne gathers all of her confidence to offer him her telephone number, which Jaime takes more than gladly. The two part with a another awkward handshake, though really, they can’t help but think about one another once they are out of each other’s sight. Despite the fact that both are too stubborn to admit it.

And so, their journeys go separate ways again. Jaime wants to head further North while Brienne ventures through Old Valyria. Jaime is pleased to read an entry that alludes to their meeting and even a quote by him from their conversation. The two now start to talk over the phone, and as they continue travelling, try to beat one another in most unconventional places to have found,  most curious experiences to have witnessed, or weirdest people they met, etc.

"Some boys like a challenge…”

They accidentally meet up again at an airport after both had their flights cancelled, so they are stuck for the night. The two are not sure whether to shake hands or hug, so yeah, it is awkward. They decide to get some drinks at the bar to pass the time. Jaime and Brienne come to talk about his injury and how that was the starting point for him to start that journey. Brienne lets on that she decided that it was time that she left home after Renly died and she had caved in at home far too long that it had her father worried.

“Sometimes you have to leave to find your way back home… I hope, at least.”

Once it’s time to say goodbye, Jaime suggests as casually as he can that they may want to try to end up in the same location some time, surprised when Brienne instantly recounts to where she is going and in what order, only to break out laughing when Jaime takes out his worn journal to see about his flight plans.

“Now, that is what I call old-fashioned,” she snorts.

"I call it traditional. Not all of us run fancy blogs, you know.”

“Well, blogs are also already outdated. Now it’s InstaBran stories that count. So perhaps we have something in common in that regard after all.”

They figure that the location following their next ones actually matches, so Jaime and Brienne agree to a “travel date.”

Then, at last, the time has come, and they are in the same location. They meet up at the airport, get themselves rooms in the same hotel. The two are thrilled to discover just how much they actually have in common, making their very own tours, discussing their boring jobs and their exciting journeys, sharing takeaway in hotel rooms, and watching sunsets in the most curious of places together.

Jaime still can’t believe himself that he just follows through with this new kind of life, almost eloping with a woman he barely knows but feels as though he has known her for years already. He wouldn’t have done things in that way back in the “old life.”

And for Brienne, it’s also the first time she even considered a man in that way after Renly’s death.

Of course, they continue to challenge one another. Jaime has to do things with his right arm upon her insistence, while Jaime takes out his “even more old-fashioned than the journal” disposable camera and challenges Brienne to have him take her picture, one of which he secretly adds to his journal.

And on a journey of self-discovery, they discover each other, eventually giving in to their undeniable attraction for one another. The two want to go on travelling, but eventually decide to go together, rearranging plans so that they can take the same route.

It is like a journey to heaven. Seeing different places, kissing under sights, taking pictures of the small things, reading through each other’s log entries, even lying next to each other in shabby hotel rooms with uncomfortable mattresses feels divine.

However, the journey comes to a sudden halt when Jaime runs into Tyrion, who has tracked him down upon their father’s order, explaining to the older brother that Tywin’s patience has worn thin and that if Jaime does not return any time soon, he will no longer provide for Jaime’s travelling – or anything else for the matter.

“And he is serious, I am telling you.”

Heartbroken, Jaime talks to Brienne about the latest revelation, but he is surprised that she shows such great understanding for his situation, even encouraging him to go back home. “You are loyal to your family. I am loyal to my father. I get this, I do, Jaime. We don’t get to choose.”

While both say that they can meet up again and that Brienne may want to travel to Casterly Rock some time soon, both know that their travel romance has come to an abrupt end.

Begrudgingly, Jaime makes his way back into the old life, feeling utterly miserable about himself, which does not go unnoticed by his younger brother Tyrion, though he does not know about Jaime’s heartache for his former travelling companion, because the older brother did not want to involve Brienne into his family’s mess any more than he already did.

Brienne is not faring much better. Her thoughts revolve around Jaime all the while, too, which she realizes in a number of posts she deletes that almost exclusively speak of heartache and Jaime, Jaime, Jaime. She has to realize that being alone and anonymous is not that great when you finally found someone who knows and understands you. Then, being alone and unconventional seems to ring so hollow.

Back in King’s Landing, Tyrion discovers his brother’s journal eventually.

After some serious deciphering of the chicken scratch, Tyrion must say that Jaime’s journal is an entertaining read, if not a profitable one. He gets into contact with publishers, and they seem to share his opinion, because it is only a little while from now that Jaime’s journal entries are getting published as a travel guide – after some just as serious editing through his younger brother, of course.

Brienne meanwhile, on her continuous voyage towards the Isle of Faces, which is supposed to be her last stop on the journey before going home to Tarth again, stumbles across a bookstore, where they feature a book with Jaime’s picture on the title page. Stunned, she buys the next best copy she can grab, devouring the journal as she roams through the streets of Oldtown.

Not only is she surprised that Jaime apparently went into publishing, after he teased her all the while for telling the whole world about her experiences, “even though you claim to be so shy, wench,” but she is also caught off-guard by some many log entries alluding to her. While the book was edited so not to give her identity away, something that Jaime likely insisted on for her sake, she finds herself near tears at some of the later entries speaking about how the shared voyage with her proved to be the best part of the whole journey.

“It was during that time that I saw in myself the man I wanted to be. That part of my voyage is the one that changed my world – for the better. That one person I met… changed everything, turned my whole voyage of life upside-down, and I loved every second of it. And to this day, I come to regret that it didn’t last longer. I wish I was still out there, every day.”

Brienne calls up Jaime once she is back in her hotel room, to congratulate him on his latest success. Jaime explains rather sheepishly that he didn’t know “until it was too late” that Tyrion took the journal to publishers behind his back.

“Now my own face is haunting me in every bookstore. I think I have to go incognito.”

“Fake moustache?”

“Maybe.”

They talk about Brienne’s plans, and how far she has come by now. Brienne tells him that she is “just that close” to get through with the locations she planned on visiting, to arrive at the Isle of Faces as her “final piece in the puzzle.”

“So? What are you going to do with your newly acquired status as a popular traveler journalist?“ Brienne teases, if only to distract from herself – and her apparent heartache at the thought that she will finish the journey alone, because the two actually made plans to go to the Isle of Faces together.

But then reality called back and all was over.

“Laughing myself silly because I hated reading since a young age, and now I am supposedly a writer. Well, at least you can make some money with those guides. So maybe you should start as well.”

“I think I will pass.”

“Says the popular blogger.”

“I am not popular at all, and I pride myself with that,” she argues.

“Would be too mainstream for you anyway.”

Towards the end of the conversation, Jaime blurts out saying “I miss you… I… I miss us.”

”… Me, too,” Brienne replies hastily. “But��� well, travelers undergo voyages. That is what we do. We don’t know where we end up. The journey is the goal. And that means we sometimes end up… in different places, it seems.”

Jaime wants nothing but get out of the family company, his mind keeps going back to the Isle of Faces, and most importantly – Brienne, whereas Brienne’s thoughts on her voyage keep revolving less and less around the Isle of Faces and more and more about the travel partner she lost back when he went to the capitol to return to “real life.”

Things may take another turn when Jaime’s brother makes a proposal, but whether that is going to pan out, only time will show.

Because as corny as it may sound, life is a journey.

And it is yet to be determined whether Jaime and Brienne will get a chance to go on that journey together, or will continue to be swept to different shores…

[braindamageforbeginners]

I also got them a box of chocolates, in case you were wondering

Again, I no longer have enough of a life expectancy to express myself succinctly, so this will be a little bit in the coming; if you want to skip ahead, this is a somewhat-redacted/edited version of the thank-you letter I wrote to the Radiation Team (including Radiation Oncologist and Radiation Nurse) - I’ve revised it to make everyone’s identity slightly more anonymous (I also included a copy of the nuclear-themed playlist, which, based on everyone’s reaction, might be my lasting contribution to the planet)(we can’t always be picky about our legacy); again, I apologize if you’re a member of the radiation team reading this now and you want me to publicly acknowledge you - I mean, if this mad gamble works out, you’d best believe I’ll be willing to spray paint your name across Mount Rushmore, if that’s what you want - but, in the meantime, it seems unforgivably tacky to write about these fine folks in a way that readily identifies them, without their express permission. Yes, Radiation Oncologist got a little misty when reading it. The receptionist hugged me (yes, she got a copy; she’s also a wonderful person who made this whole thing a little more bearable by chuckling at my weird, dark jokes)(and she - probably with some help from Research Coordinator - jiggered the treatment schedule to work around my weird chemo-infusion schedule and SoCal traffic; which probably required an advanced degree in mathematics).

A few take-away lessons (again, there just isn’t enough time in the day for me to not stop writing, so you’re getting a helluva lot even on stuff I’ve already prepared). First, you seek out the very best people in medicine - or any profession, really - because top-notch professionals have exceptional standards. When I asked Mad Scientist if there was a radiotherapy/chemo team a little closer to my home turf she’d refer me to, she made some calls. And sent me to the Warlocks (and, in terms of talent/intelligence, they are neck-and-neck - we’re talking 1987 Celtics vs Lakers, here). And the Warlocks aren’t about to let some prize specimen die off because some local barber-surgeon wasn’t up to the task of administering proper concurrent treatment. You find one really good person; they guide you to the rest. And, in that sense, i really haven’t given enough credit to Radiation Oncologist, Radiation Nurse, and the radiation techs down here. Again, I try not to write about other people, because I can only frame this whole thing from my own experience, but, just as I’d instantly recommend Northern California Hospital for the neurosurgery and neurooncology, these folks are the radiation dream-team. I’m only going to get one course of radiation treatment for my noggin - that’s the maximum number per customer, per lifetime, thanks for playing - but if I got some sort of lung cancer or leukemia or something similar tomorrow; I would absolutely see these folks for that. They get my wholehearted endorsement for all your medically-related Hiroshima needs (I am literally betting my life on that statement).

And, a part of ensuring access to the very best professionals is letting them know their efforts are appreciated. Do not, for one moment, believe that my doctors - or any decent doctor - will let a patient die out of some petty sense of gratitude or debt; but, at the same time, any time anyone in life does you a favor, you make them aware of your gratitude. Don’t wait ten years to buy your mentor a Ferrari because they helped you get a great internship that may lead to a career - turn around, shake their hand enthusiastically, and buy them a beer RIGHT NOW. Again, the future is a sucker’s bet; let people who help you along the way know how grateful you are immediately. Even if all you can do is say “Thank you.” This should be a basic rule of human civilization, right up there with the Girl Scout Cookie Rule (”Whenever you see Girl Scouts selling cookies, you pull over and buy a box, goddammit”). They’ve already helped you once, they might be able to do it again in ten minutes. You’re going to want them there in ten minutes.

Again, a bit of further self-rationalization about the existence of this weird set of disparate chronicles (the blog, I mean); I will admit to a broad education and being highly-educated in a few fields, I can do many things pretty well, I can do very many things decently; there’s a lot of stuff I don’t do well. For me, writing has always been the one thing I can do consistently brilliantly - and you can do it, too, reader; all you have to do is read and write a lot (30-years’-worth, in my case). I don’t have long enough to do many things well; I only have a few years to perfect one simple thing. Which is why this sort of writing task appeals to me - I’m not a wealthy or influential man, but I can write you one helluva good thank-you note. I will admit that I may emphasize or deemphasize certain aspects of my stories, and I will occasionally exaggerate things, or add (or subtract) context to make them a little more readable - I will stand behind every word of this next bit. And, again, I realize I haven’t consistently given credit to the radiation team, but it wasn’t until I sat down to write this thing that I realized just how much they’d done for me. I talk about good physicians and medical providers, but it wasn’t until the other night that I realized the definitive measure of a medical practitioner’s quality is that they will enable you to weather a shit-storm of illness and make the whole thing seem innocuous and unmemorable as it’s happening.

So, this was the thank-you letter I gave to everyone this afternoon, the grand finale of the radiation course (again, this is the first and last one I’ll ever get):

To the staff, faculty, physicians, residents, students, nurses, technicians, receptionists, and anyone else I've forgotten; Thanks again, for everything you've done for me over the last 30 treatments. I still have a year of chemo and experimental treatment ahead of me, so this is just the start, for me. I've survived three brain tumors over the course of 16 years, because I've always insisted on having access to the very best medical professionals and care available. I've been operated on by one of the finest neurosurgeons in the country. I've been in hospitals staffed by the best-ranked nursing teams. I have [PROFESSIONAL REFERENCE/NOD TO MAD SCIENTIST] consulting on my care. So you can believe me when I say, you guys are second to no one in this profession. I have been consistently amazed at your skill, warmth, cheer, dedication, and generosity. Not just on my behalf, but everyone I've seen you interact with. Oncology professionals tend to work in the darker parts of the human experience, but every one of you brings a bit of light to this endeavor. That light is sometimes the weird blue radioactive hallucination-light burning across the optic nerve, but we can't always be picky. From your willingness to work around my admittedly-weird schedule, and patiently indulging my surlier moments of existential panic; to tracking down residents to answer any random technical, hypochondriac question I might have (and thanks to the residents who talked me through that); to putting up with my cheesy song requests; I have been in awe since week 1. And you kept it up, all the time, for all six weeks, which is a staggering display of endurance. We live in a harsh world, where compassion, kindness, and intelligence aren't always immediately recognized or tangibly rewarded, but we must never lose conviction that those are the most powerful and important human qualities. Although kindness and mercy may go unrecognized, they are never wasted, ever. You fine folks are the walking exemplars of that faith. Speaking for all of your patients, allow me to say, that adherence to gentleness and decency has a power on us that you can not begin to imagine. This is just the starting line for my treatment and story (I hope); but you've given me the very best start I could have hoped for. I have a long fight ahead of me, but, thanks to you, I think I can do it.

[urukyra]

Min’atoa Station Post Mortem

Min’atoa Station, my 6-month capstone project for my Game Development course at Yoobee Colleges, in which I fall down a rabbit hole, drown in a pool of tears and learn to make magic.  Or, less poetically, scope too big, lose and remake multiple assets multiple times, and launch a game that falls well short of my goal - yet shows a glimpse of a potentially amazing experience. 

My aim was a linear 3D narrative game - think Gone Home in a Myst type setting with a terrorist theme.. I reckon I got halfway, so there’s only 90% left to go. 

Team vs Solo 

Tutors urged us to push our boundaries, and in my Goodest Boi team I stretched my wings into new areas and thrived. In other teams (whether real or not) I’d felt held back by low expectations. My mantra was ‘play big’. I love to learn, and that means embracing looking stupid, stumbling before you can walk. I chose a solo project, so I’d be propelled to shine, and I was pleased I did. The gasps of surprise from the class even at my prototype were validating. A teacher once said more learners rust out than burn out - having a tutor that believed in me created its own empowerment magic.

New Idea vs Darling 

I was torn between:

A new game, designed for addictive game-play loops, replayability, marketing hooks, commercial 

Min’atoa - unknown market, unproven gameplay, not replayable, huge scope, high risk. 

The gamedev mantra “kill your darlings” echoed in my head. I brainstormed great alternatives that I loved. And yet, YOLO, carpe diem. I left a ‘safe’ life doing what I was told for this. The window was open - now or never.  I’d never “finish” Min’atoa left to my own devices. It needed a structure for existence - the force-field of deadlines, accountability, of expert help. I knew it was too big, so I ‘maimed’ my darling - reduce scope, use existing assets, basic textures, no puzzles - just a story game. That seemed do-able (cue evil laughter). So I talked myself into ‘story-only-Min’atoa.’ Call me crazy, but I don’t regret it.

Tools

I got overwhelmed.comparing narrative tools: Inkle, Twine, Yarnspinner, Ren’Py, Ink. Prairie, Fungus, Novel-software, Scrivener. My author friend Peter cut through my angst by wryly observing that Shakespeare used a quill pen. For my Myst-type story - linear, non-branching, no dialogue - Google docs was fine!  

Writers Block

Although I had a plot, I couldn’t start. Tutor Matt P got me to put story beats in linear time order, then rearrange them into the order the story needed. Write short  ‘memory joggers’ of each plot movement onto Post-It notes. This simple process broke the writer’s block. 

Later, I found myself blocked again, and dedicated an entire week turning these brief notes into strings of story.

Story gating

Player autonomy is a key feature of game design. In game writing, each story elements has to stand on its own in whatever order players come across them, and the plot still has to make sense.  So story games build artificial ‘gates’ to order key story elements (eg in locked rooms), to achieve greater dramatic tension and plot cohesion,  

I fit the plot into the game’s natural gates: portal, balcony, room, and controller balcony, and Arrivals (and later,,Departures) desk drawers; Doors opened with buttons, and crystal docks.. I felt clever making drawer locks, and hiding keys and crystals. The gates were not infallible, but ‘good enough’ in playtesting. 

The downside was, the story game became a puzzle game. It changed how players played, from a slow pace that encouraged reading, to active, testing interactable objects to see what they did. In retrospect, i wish I’d deliberately designed for the slower game feel of Gone Home, where players interact with passive objects whose function was to add atmosphere.

Story Element Workflow

There were 25 notices and 21 letters, each with two gameObjects - players click on a 3D object in the scene, to bring up UI with its matching 2D readable. This meant 92 assets whose materials change when I edit their words. A simple workflow was essential. 

Playtesters noted the 25 notices were easily legible; that removed 25 UI assets. 

For the 21 letters, I felt clever about my idea of stationery. I made stationery (paper, design and font) for each character (Tris, S’tiel, Priestess and Council). Each in-game letter automatically populated its UI stationery with a text string. Instead of 21 UI assets, I only needed four.

I was smug about this at first - I’d polish text; and the UI automatically updated. But for beta, for the first time I had to have textures on all 46 3D documents. It was an awful workflow. I’d play through, click on each letter or notice, bring up UI stationery with its unique string, snip it, create 46 materials from the snips, and tile these to fit each gameObject. 

It was so tedious to change materials, it created a mental barrier to improving the text, even if it was way too long, or made me cringe. I deleted eight noticeboard posters that were too embarrassing. I left “Lorem Ipsum” text on most letters. I wish I’d fixed these. I did find ways to automate this process, but events overtook (see refactoring section) so I didn’t get time to code this.  

Localisation

The more words, the more difficult and expensive is localisation, reducing the potential market, if I were doing it again, I would aim to 

reduce word count dramatically, and use more images

have illegible 3D textures (see for example Zelda, Breath of the Wild) or develop an alien text / symbols

retain the process of populating 2D UI assets with strings, so that it would be easy to populate strings in different languages.

Prioritise Your Intuition

Sam Fleury, Runaway Play gave an NZGDC talk on prioritising your intuition to reduce burnout and improve personal effectiveness. He noted that our tendency to try to ‘push through’ a wall was often driven by feeling unworthy. It often led to bad code (or other work) that had to be redone. 

When I noticed my brain clearly saw the chains of logic, I coded quickly and cleanly When my ‘programming mind’ lost it’s edge, went ‘fuzzy’, if I continued to push I wrote bad code, and felt burnt out. I found it took an active decision to resist the ‘imposter syndrome’ urge to push on. I’d step back, take a rest, or pivot to a task that used another part of the brain (art or story).  

I took note of sunshine, various foods, coffee and rest affected my focus and set up the right environment. Dancing barefoot on the grass is great therapy.

More often than not, when I came back I’d see a bigger picture, and pivot to a different priority, or to a fresh, cleaner approach. I’d never pivot when I was nose to the grindstone. 

I heartily recommend this practice. It was vital for a solo dev on a big scope game.  Pacing myself was not costly, I wrote better code in less time with less stress. And it might seem obvious, but burnt out, tired devs don’t make games that are fun, intriguing, and delightful,

Attributions  

I wanted assets that left the option open to allow commercial use. This hugely limited choice for the game’s many imported assets: ~20 sound effects, music,  five fonts, five paper textures and plugins, . 

I recommend designing a good filing system for attributions. I did record them as I went, but not in one place. Finding them months later cost time I’d rather spend on my game. 

Brian and I made most of the images and icons from scratch. But right at the end I realised an image used fan art I’d made for #Myst25 from Riven, a game by Cyan Worlds, Commercial use violated their very generous terms for fan art.

I wrote to Cyan, saying I’d remove it, but it’d be a lovely Easter egg for Myst fans. Hannah Gamiel, Director of Development, Cyan Inc immediately wrote back to give permission to use it, which was typical of the lovely Cyan approach to their fans. 

Refactoring

We’d planned for Brian being away for 3 months OE, but didn’t factor in a month to reinstate his melted server and hospital with pneumonia. Since Yoobee had only Unity 2018, I’d coded the prototype, Sabotage, from scratch in 3 weeks. 

Once Yoobee got Unity 2019, I reverted to Min’atoa with Brian’s code, which was robust and elegantly effective, But since we were both new to Unity it used unusual approaches - event signals, listeners via parented assets, and master controllers with enums. After painfully watching me struggle, my tutor Woody spelt out the stark choice: strip out Brian’s code and he’d help me rebuild it, or struggle on alone. 

I chose to strip it out. I really wanted to step up at coding, and Woody was brilliant at it. Although Min’atoa would not be finished to the level I wanted in other areas, I could do the writing and art later.  

Deleting two years of scripts left 416 fatal errors; removing ‘missing scripts’ from assets took hours. It would be an enormous task to rebuild. I brutally trimmed my asset list of Brian’s features (a fully functional inventory, and putting items down). and features I’d planned (writing, art, animations, codes and puzzles). 

Then I got intensive tutoring from Woody. I learned: 

keep it simple - add complexity only as required 

use prefabs - get one asset completely right, then 20 others work 

get the essentials (story gates) working - doors, drawers, lifts and locks. .. 

Within a month, most of the functions worked again. My crowning achievement was replacing Brian’s inventory with a scroll-selectable list that appears on hover (over a lock that takes multiple items) and shows what carried items fit in. 

I was also pleased to get different endings working (including one that pivots the whole scene).  I’ll never know what Min’atoa would be if I’d made the other decision, but I do know I would not have learned as much as I did.

The biggest code drawback was no inventory for the 21 letters,they’re just lost . The player can’t refer back to any letter they’d collected. Woody had shown me how to do it, but I spent the remaining time fixing bugs I had, and improving art and gameplay. This is such a major drawback that if I get time, I’d like to issue a patch for it, and I (think) I now know enough to do it. . 

Result 

I launched a game that I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, I have another game in my public itch.io portfolio. Overall, for pretty much a solo game made in a limited time, it showcases my capabilities and adds to my credibility as a  game developer. 

On the other hand, I wish it were more fun, that the story was better, the puzzles more difficult, the game design was more complete. The main failing with the game was the story. I have so much to learn and I plan to fully engage with expert writing mentors next year to learn to

create empathy and connection with the main characters 

reveal through what’s not said, rather than tell

reduce word count (strict 140 character limit per item) 

use environmental storytelling.

Given the need to limit scope, I only included very basic puzzles, that were not at the level of complexity or engagement of good competitors, like Aporia or Eastshade. Brian and I had designed more complex puzzles, but specifically removed those for scope reasons. If I were to do it again, I would prioritise adding to the puzzle component in simple ways such as:

embed hidden clues, codes and hints

add images, sketches and drawings . 

Not having clues to choose different endings is a major omission. For much of the development, I placed puzzle items to make life easy for me, rather than for the player’s satisfaction, The player finds them in obvious places, one after the other repetitively, instead of having to use deductive reasoning.

I would put more time into thinking about how to make it fun for the player to discover hidden items, work out lore-logical places for them, and hint at their location rather than make it so obvious. 

Conclusion

There are definitely things I want to improve in Min’atoa Station, but for now, the game is out ‘as is’. 

Next time I’d invest time early to “find the fun”. Find the fun in the story, puzzles, and gameplay from the player’s perspective as early as possible and build from a solid base of a proven enjoyable gameplay experience. 

At the end, my measure is not even the game. but instead what I have learned. I'm a person with new skills. Looking back my progress seems humbling and miraculous. In 2017, I first clumsily opened Photoshop, my first ever digital tool. In 2019, I made Min’atoa Station, a credible 3D game. Without diminishing Brian’s enormous contribution, or that of my tutors, it was ‘my game’. I designed the world, characters, story, gameplay, modeled and textured 3D assets, 2D assets, the menus, animations, lighting, audio, did the voice acting,  used many plugins and more..I ended up coding everything, I listened and learnt, I asked for help and got lots, I struggled and fought and.. Lo. 

As I reflect on the end of my time at Yoobee, my journey as a game developer has been, and I hope will continue to be, intense and exhilarating. To me, it’s been an incredible privilege to learn to make worlds from my imagination come to life. 

[hasnainamjad]

Python is an almost universally loved programming language that many developers profess to be their “favorite” way to code. That’s thanks to Python’s clear and simple syntax, logical structure, and forgiven flexibility. All these things also ensure that Python is the perfect choice for beginners and remains one of the quickest languages to learn.

Then there’s the flexibility and usefulness of the language. Python is often listed among the top programming languages frequently sought after by employers, and this demand is expected to grow due to its role in machine learning, data science, and cyber security. Python is also popular for web development and is a fantastic learning tool.

If you’re willing to do a little extra leg-work, you can even use Python for game development, mobile app development, and more.

In this post, you’ll find everything you need to know about Python and how to get started. We’ll provide detailed instructions on how to get set up, how to build your first app, and where to go once you’re ready to learn more.

What is Python?

Python was introduced in the 1980s by a development team led by Guido van Rossum at Centrum Wiskunde & Informatica in the Netherlands. Rossum was very much responsible for the philosophy and development of the project, and would go on to dub himself Python’s “Benevolent Dictator for Life.”

More recently, Rossum stepped down from this self-appointed role, handing responsibility to the Python Steering Council. Python was conceived as an alternative to the ABC language, with core tenants being “readability” and “significant whitespace.” This was a language designed from the ground-up to be clear, concise, and easy to get to grips with.

Also read: What is Python and how do you get started?

In technical terms…

Python is an interpreted, dynamically typed, garbage-collected, high-level, object-oriented, programming language.

Let’s break that down.

As an interpreted language, Python code is run by a separate program installed on your machine, rather than being “compiled” into a format that the machine reads natively. This means you can run your Python code right from the terminal or command prompt without the additional step of first building it into an app or package (though there are ways to do this should you need to). This can save a lot of time when you’re building a tool that you want to use right away!

“Dynamically-typed” means that you have to write less code for Python to know what you mean. While this example might not mean much to beginners, this means you don’t need to explicitly define variable types in your code.

In programming, “garbage collection” refers to memory management. Because Python is “garbage collected,” that means it will reclaim memory as it runs the program. This makes life much simpler for the developer, as you would otherwise need to handle this yourself!

“High-level” means the code looks more like English than some other languages. That’s because there is more “abstraction.” Even with no experience programming, certain lines and statements in Python will be self-explanatory.

And finally, Python is object-oriented (OOP) because it allows for the creation of classes and objects. This refers to how the code is organized and data is structured, which can lead to more efficient programs and convenient reusing of code between projects. The great thing about Python though, is that it doesn’t force you into an object oriented structure. OOP is a tricky concept to wrap your head around as a beginner, so the fact you can start out with more basic sequences of statements is welcome. We, therefore, say that Python “supports multiple paradigms.”

Also read: What is object oriented programming?

What can you do with Python? (What Python is and isn’t good for!)

When you first start Python development, you will initially be pleased at how simple it is to perform simple processes. This is a great feeling for a new developer, and it makes Python a perfect language to get your feet wet with.

The issues come when you try to share your projects. Because Python is interpreted, this means you can initially only share your projects as Python files: code that requires an interpreter and some experience in development to run. You can’t just email your program to a friend for them to try it out!

So, what do you do with this Python code?

One option is to create a web app. Many of the biggest and most influential websites and tools on the net were built using Python. These include:

Google

Instagram

Spotify

Netflix

Uber

Dropbox

Pinterest

This works because the Python code is run on the server. That is to say, a computer in a warehouse somewhere runs the Python code then uses this to change the layout of a website. That website is then shown to the user when they point their browser at the correct URL. Because the code is run on the server (“server-side”) and not the user’s computer, there is no need for them to have the interpreter installed!

To build these web apps though, you can’t rely on Python alone. You will also need a framework such as Flask. Flask provides ready-made functionality to help you perform common tasks necessary for web development. Another option is Django.

It would also be useful to know some HTML and CSS, in order to handle the website UI, and perhaps some MySQL for storing and retrieving data.

Also read: How to use SQLite for Android app development

If you want to learn a little more about how you would go about building a web app, you can learn the basics in our guide to running Python on any platform.

Can you make mobile/Windows apps with Python?

The other option is to use external tools that will build your code into a portable app format. For example, you can convert your Python code into an .exe to run on Windows, or an APK file to run on Android.

Buildozer, for example, is a tool that will package Python projects as APK files for Android, or .IPA files for iOS. You can find out more about Buildozer here. You will likely also want to use a library like Kivy which will provide the graphical UI elements that we expect from mobile apps.

We wrote a guide to building your first mobile app with Python and Kivy, which you can read here. If you want to create an executable file for Windows, then you can use additional tools like Pyinstaller.

What’s important to keep in mind though, is that Python is not an officially supported option for creating Android or iOS apps. Neither is it particularly well-suited to developing software for Windows or Mac. The external tools listed here do not have graphical interfaces, and they leave a lot of the work to you as the developer. Chances are that the first time you try to build an APK with Buildozer something will go wrong.

While combining Python with Kivy and Buildozer for Android development has the advantage of being cross-platform, there are other, much simpler and more powerful, cross-platform development tools out there: such as Xamarin.

Also read: How to make an Android app with Xamarin

If you want to build Android apps exclusively, it makes a lot more sense to learn either Kotlin or Java to use with Android Studio. Interested in going that route? Here’s a guide on how to set up your first project.

If you’re looking at iOS development, you’ll want to learn Swift and Xcode IDE. You can learn more about that process in our iOS dev beginner’s guide. 

The only real reason to use Python to develop apps on these platforms is if you absolutely love Python, you only know Python, or you have already developed something amazing with Python and you want to quickly share it to other platforms.

Can you make games in Python?

Python’s relationship with game development is like its relationship with mobile development. It is technically possible to create games in Python, but this is far from the optimal solution.

The best way to create games in Python, is with another external tool called Pygame.

Pygame will make several things easier by providing ready-made code to draw shapes and colors to the screen, play sounds, etc. What Pygame does not provide though, is 3D rendering, ready-made physics, support for controller-input, or anything else of that nature.

That means you still must code all of this yourself: from how objects fall depending on where they are in relationship to the ground, to how quickly the protagonist accelerates when you press the left key.

It also means that you can’t build 3D games with Pygame and will instead need to use something like Panda 3D, which is not easy to get started with. Most games built in Python will look a little basic and spend much longer in development. You then have the headache of trying to port those creations to other platforms!

A far easier and more powerful option for cross-platform game development is Unity. We’ve written about this at length in our Unity beginner’s guide. 

Python for professionals

Other than web development, the primary use for Python is in building tools and software that you yourself will use. As an information security analyst, you might use a Python script to try and crack passwords for example. As a data analyst, you might use Python to store and retrieve large amounts of information. I personally wrote a script to search my Word documents for keywords a while back.

It doesn’t matter if this Python code can’t be easily shared, because you built it for your own use. Likewise, Python is popular for rapid prototyping.

And of course, it’s great for learning!

How long does it take to learn Python?

The answer depends very much on what it is you want to learn. If you want to learn Python for web development, this will take a significant amount of time and effort. If you just want to familiarize yourself with the basics of programming in Python, you can learn the ropes in a few days!

Many people mistakenly think that programmers “learn” an entire language and every single tool associated with that language. In truth, most developers are in a constant state of learning and updating their knowledge. Each time we are tasked with learning something new, we need to familiarize ourselves with new packages, frameworks, or tools. Often developers borrow code from other users without really understanding how it works, or reverse engineer things that they have used in the past.

The best way to start learning Python is to choose a simple project (make a calculator for instance) and attempt that. You’ll learn the skills necessary for that project along the way. Once you’ve done that, add some more features, or try something a little more complex. This will structure your learning, and you’ll find that you pick up the skills you need for your goals in no-time.

Alternatively, why not try an online Python course? These courses provide a full education that will take you from beginner status to pro. They’ll include projects to help you get started, as well as support, and tests. Some will even prepare you for exams that will provide industry-recognized certification. Android Authority readers get major discounts on popular Python courses, meaning you can get access to courses worth thousands of dollars for around $30-$40! You can find a full list of our recommended courses in our course guide. 

Getting started with Python – setting up

Now you have a good idea what Python is good for – and what it isn’t – you are ready to get started!

To program with Python, you will need two components:

The Python interpreter

An editor or IDE

You also must familiarize yourself with the concept of modules and “pip.” And if you like, and you’re on Windows, you can add Python to PATH.

The most important part is the interpreter. By now, you know that the interpreter is the software that runs on your computer and “translates” Python code in real-time.

Imagine that you’re in The Matrix and you want to learn German, so you stick that tube into the back of your head and you download everything you need to know. Now you can understand anything written in German! This is what the interpreter is for your PC and Python.

You can download the interpreter (referred to as “Python”) here.

When downloading Python, there used to be the question whether to get the latest version (3.8 at the time of writing) or the older Python 2.7. There are syntax differences between Python 2 and 3 that mean not all Python code will run on each version. For this reason, many organizations that had invested vast amounts of time developing projects in Python 2 did not want to make the jump. Likewise, many crucial external tools would only support Python 2 (including Pygame at one point!).

However, Python 2 has since lost official support, and by now most organizations and developers have finally made the jump. For that reason, 99% of people should download the latest version of Python 3. This is still worth knowing about, however, in case you ever run into problems trying to use a module or library that only works on the previous iteration!

You can learn more about this in our updating guide. And if you want more detailed instructions to help you install Python on Windows, Mac, or Linux than you’ll want to head to our install guide. 

Python editors and IDEs

Our installation guide will also talk you through the process of choosing and installing an IDE/editor. When you install Python, it will only come with a very basic editor called the “Shell.” While you can write Python code in here and run it, it won’t highlight mistakes or allow you to easily juggle multiple projects.

An IDE is an “integrated development environment” that provides access to all the useful tools and features you could need, while at the same time providing powerful formatting, highlighting, and tips for writing your code.

Two of the best options, and the ones I personally use, are PyCharm and Visual Studio. Both these options are free for casual use.

As an aside, if you just want to start experiencing Python programming and have an Android or iOS device, you can also get some simple and cheap editors that will work out-of-the-box:

iOS: Python3IDE

Android: QPython 3L

PIP and installing modules

One of the most important aspects of Python programming, is learning how to use modules and libraries/packages. Modules are bits of code that contains “definitions and statements.” Essentially, these are bits of code that have been written by other people, that you can then refer to in your own code in order to perform powerful operations.

For example, a Python module I use often is python-docx. This module makes it easy to open, parse, and display .docx files (Word format) or to create new ones.

Also read: How to write to a file in Python – Txt, Docx, CSV, and more!

A package is simply a collection of modules, which must contain an __init__.py file. These provide lots of functionality, usually tied together with a common theme. An example would be Kivy! Libraries are collections of packages.

In order to use modules, packages, and libraries, you will usually use a tool called PIP.

PIP is a package-management system and comes included with your default Python installation. You use PIP from the terminal or CMD. With PIP installed, downloading python-docx is as simple as typing the following command:

python –m pip install doc-x

Note that if you want to be able to run Python commands from the command prompt on Windows and use PIP, then you will either need to open the command prompt in the same folder as your Python installation, or you will need to add Python to PATH so that it can be accessed anywhere.

How to use Python

Now that you have Python on your machine, an IDE or editor to type into, and a familiarity with how to add new modules via PIP… what’s next?

Next we write some basic code!

The first program that we normally type out when beginning any new programming language is one that prints “Hello World!”

We do this like so:

print("Hello world!")

This will output the words “Hello world!” to the terminal.

There are lots of little tricks you can use when printing to the screen in Python, so check our guide on how to print in Python for more details.

The next thing to learn about in any new programming language is variables. Variables are “containers” that we can use as stand-ins for values and data. First, we assign some value to an arbitrary name. Then we can use that name whenever we want to refer to that information:

greeting = "Hello World!" print(greeting)

This comes in very handy if you need to refer to some information throughout your code. Or, more likely, if you want to change that data to trigger changes throughout your program.

Variables can come in different “types.” For instance, a variable that consists only of whole numbers is called an “integer” or “int”. Numbers that need decimal places are called floats or doubles. Sequences of alpha-numeric characters are called strings (“Hello world!” is a string).

Related: How to use Strings in Python

Because Python is dynamically typed, that means that we don’t need to choose what type of variable we’re going to use when we introduce it.

Lists and dictionaries are even more powerful, as they allow you to store multiple values. You can learn more about these here:

How to use lists in Python

How to use dictionaries in Python

There are specific naming and formatting conventions in Python that suggest the way you should name your variables and functions, and the way you should lay everything out. For example, variables and functions will typically use “snake case” meaning that they are written in lowercase with underscores separating each word. You can learn more by referring to the PEP 8 style guide.

Also read: How to comment in Python: tips and best practices

How to use Python if statements

Once you have familiarized yourself with these basics, you can begin to control the flow of your programs. You do this using an “if statement.”

If statements let you check if something is true, and then show a segment of code only if it is.

For example:

name = "User" if name == "User": print("Access granted!")

This will now show the words “Access Granted” on the screen, but only if the variable name has the value “User”. Try changing that string to anything else, and you’ll see that the program exits without displaying anything on the screen.

Notice that the code we want to show after the check is indented following a colon. This is what you call a “code block.” Indentations are used to create code blocks like this any time we want to group together some code. Once the indentation ends, the statements will be considered part of the main “flow” of code.

In this following example, the words “Anyway… how are you?” will show on the screen regardless of whether access was granted.

name = "User" if name == "User": print("Access granted!") print("Anyway... how are you?")

Functions and classes in Python

Another basic skill to learn when using Python, is learning to call functions. Functions are code blocks that you can summon at any other point in your code. This can be useful if there is a function that you repeat frequently. To define a function, we use the statement def. This looks like so:

name = "User" def hello_function(): print("Access granted!") if name == "User": hello_function() print("Anyway... how are you?")

It’s also possible to pass a variable or variables into a function from within your code. These are called “arguments.” You can learn more about using functions and arguments in our functions guide.

A class is like a function but allows you to create an “object.” This object can have its own properties and functions which can then be retrieved or called from anywhere in your code. The class will act as a blueprint, allowing you to create multiple versions of that same object, each with their own properties.

For example:

class MyClass: x = 5 classy = MyClass() classy2 = MyClass() classy2.x = 7 print(classy.x) print(classy2.x)

Here, the class “MyClass” is used in order to build an object that has a single property: x. We then create two instances of the MyClass object and change the value of “x” for just one of them.

Continuing your education

We have only scratched the surface here in terms of what Python is capable of and what can be done with it. There are plenty more articles on this site that can help you take your understanding further! Alternatively, why not try one of our recommended online Python courses? You can get a complete education in Python for as little as $37!

Stay tuned for much more on Python from us here at Android Authority. And good luck! Python is a wonderful language to learn, and with each new statement you understand, you’ll create limitless new creative possibilities!

source https://www.androidauthority.com/learn-python-beginner-1142688/

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