#i didnt give in my account but im about to
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terrible awful realization
[image transcript:
arisveah: and the surgery scene was so much more piercing seeing it from a different angle like omg now we have the idea that he was screaming the whole time omg.
best friend: RIGHT
arisveah: (referring to a previous comment about the exposure) "nerd" okay star wars. what am i supposed to do with the knowledge that charlie was screaming for half an hour what the fuck. what do i do with that? poor boy. if he ever escapes his voice is going to be absolutely shot. and plus saying all that (referring to the horror of promoting a future sex channel with your voice and not your authority) on stream- poor man might never say anything again (if he gets out) :(
End of transcript]
#generation loss#genloss#slimecicle#genloss charlie#mute genloss charlie#the founders cut#u ever get such a foggy brain in public that your mouth speaks without your consent and now u said something very violating about yourself?#now imagine that its been streamed in front of thousands of people and you can’t stop your mouth despite your best efforts#and before you know it youve made promises you know youll be forced to keep#because you didnt make them the people controlling your life did#and now you just have to wrestle with the reality of keeping these promises while your legs run with a boy. you know will die#and your eyes are too heavy to tell where the camera is focusing#but youre pretty sure its already focused your butt after you were forced to eat people and you dont know what else mightve happened after#terrifying#poor fucking gl charlie slimecicle#and he thought he was in the sanctity of his home too#maybe im reading too much into it#but my heart cries for that character man#he needs a hug and a warm blanket BADLY#i will give him hot chocolate and a Gun and he will be safe forever slash platonic#i want to steal him and niki and sneeg and vinny and carry them away to a safe little house on the prairie where they learn how to be human#and they farm carrots and wheat and charlie and sneeg go vegetarian while niki joins the police force and vinny works as an accountant
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some of my friends: idc that u have autism!! i like u anyway!!!
those same people when i show the symptoms of my autism: why tf would u ever say smth like that i am so upset right now wtf 😬
#lol#like!!! i will alwayw communicate with people!!!#this is abt one of my friends saying shes mad#cause like#she thought yhis post was really funny#but then i started going on about how that account always makes memes out of ai and like did ppl just forget ai is like destroying the#environment#i didnt think much of it then i was like im packing for my trip:3#all she says to that is cool#i ask in a lh manner if shes mad at me#she says yes#i apologize (without giving some excuse) and she hasn’t answered since 😛#LIKE IF U WANT ME TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY U NEED TO TOO#i started crying for the secone time today lolz#im so fucking tired#vent#autism vent
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Commissioned someone to draw Amadeus 🥰♥️
I'm gonna be honest this man has me on HARD grip i actually feel like im a teenager falling in love i hate his ass i want to punch him then kiss him but AUGHJN immmcmsk I HATE LOVE HIM he ruined my life i hate you i love you I already have PLAYLIST for this yeeyee ass man i want to punt him and also kiss him and hold his hand I hope to see.more art of him i have to work hard so i can commission people I love you IM HONESTLY AUHHHH i hate HIIIIIIM 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 im okay. its just a phase. he's too pretty not to appreciate. i will move on. god i dont think i can please help me lord (by lord i mean vaal)
#dragonfable#other people's art#amadeus#sepulchure#im his biggest hater#and also lover#galanoth DO NOT LOOK!!!! I STILL LOVE YOU#im so delusional i began shipping him w my hero#which ill probably ramble about soon#but for now!#have this amazing art!!#I unfortunately cannot the artist him since he doesn't have any active art#but if you guys are interested I'll give his acc in dms where I transacted with him#he looks so handsome in his style my god#totallt didnt have a positive crying on the artist's dm!!!#**active art account fml
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my existence makes me feel awful for my family
#they really wanted someone so much better. im 21 ive done nothing with my life and i cant tell anyone im disabled#mum hid it from everyone but her entirely and now i cant say a thing or ill get her in drama and ill have to keep lying anyway#i had to lie about all the abuse and they saw through it but i still have to lie anyway for all of us i cant say i dont have a job#bc i have no id no nothing to my name no bank account no literally anything and that i have to take care of mum bc they would all just get#mean and give me a million questions and yell at me and dad already stopped talking to me for weeks bc he wouldn't listen when i was trying#to say the id stuff is convoluted ''why cant i just get it with you'' LEGALLY I DONT EVEN HAVE A DAD BC YOU REFUSED TO BE A PART OF IT AT#AT FUCKING ALL AND MUM HAD TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE AND DIDNT WANNA HIT YOU WITH SINGLE MOTHER TAX#I DOCUMENT WISE JUST STOPPED EXISTING I HAVE NO SCHOOL CARDS EVEN LIKE NOTHING AT ALL SHE LOST MY BIRTH CERT BOTH OF OURS AND I JUST?????#im sick of getting into fights about everything. my granddad is dying and i barely see him because dad doesnt like me anymore and its scary#trying to talk to him at all bc he'll yell if i stutter he'll yell if i tell him ive gone out snywhere at all he thinks everyone in the#world is just drooling to assault me but he's violent and scary so i cant tell him that anything has ever happened to me bc the one time i#even just vaguely told him someone wasnt nice to me he threatened to tie them to the back of his car and he's attacked my stepdad with a#screwdriver and thankfully he wasnt hurt badly hut like. im so scared of my dad. and it breaks my heart bc he used to be so gentle to me.#hes always had a bad temper i have haunting memories of him chasing me and mum in his car but he never once hit me. but the more i remember#the more i realise that he fucked me up honestly just as bad as mum did. im constantly scared of getting yelled at i cant be loving with#anyone not sincerely bc im terrified theyll leave me theyll hurt me and im always proven right and i miss my best friend and i miss my dad#i wish i could tell him about anything in my life i wish i could tell anyone anything all the secrets all the expectations n the way i know#everyone views me is killing me inside my family thinks im fat lazy selfish worthless dull stupid they think i dont even like seeing them#but they actively push me out every single occasion i see them i barely even have any photos with anyone i never get happy birthday messages#or calls or anything they all just forget i exist until they have to remember and i cant trll them any of my life bc ill get yelled at by#dad or called a liar or ill have one of my deepest secrets spilled to the entire family while im sleeping again.#whatever sorry
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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no one on the bumble friends app is giving me what I need/am looking for. so it's making me want to give up and delete the app. it exhausts me to do small talk with one person a week even if it only lasts for less than a day before they stop responding. I don't know what to do after that or when i'm allowed to move past it??? I know small talk is important to people so i'm trying to please them with a "proper" first impression but i'm still failing. no one ever told me what to do after that. I don't feel connected to them at all! and they obviously don't feel connected to me at all with the way they don't seem to be trying.
none of these people know how to lead. they don't do what I need them to do. maybe they're in the same predicament as me? they barely respond and don't initiate things. I need people that will lead and guide me through things since I don't know what to do! the type of people that know what they're doing and get you hyped because you just need to follow along and know everything will work out and be fine because they got this! the problem is, these types of people always already have a ton of friends and make them easily. they aren't the ones on these friend making apps. they don't need them! it's only us awkward, lonely weirdos who don't know how to interact with each other.
it's supposed to be an app to try to meet up with people irl. can any of these people plan a meetup for me?! why do I have to do all the work when i'm not capable of doing it in the first place??? I made two groups and a few people joined but I have no clue how to plan a meetup. that's much responsibility and don't have the spoons for that. someone needs to help me organize everything, but no one volunteered when I asked. i'm so lost and confused and exhausted and don't think i'll ever make friends 😭😭😭😭
#friendship problems#small talk#adult autism#autistic#autism#actually autistic#bumble bff#has anyone actually had success on that app? it feels pointless. i hate the whole swiping thing and small talk#and most people are bad at their profiles. they dont give me any info about themselves#or their profile just kinda sucks and i could be missing out on an actual good person/friend because they answered everything sarcastically#and didnt even try when filling out their profile. or what if someone rejects mine because of one thing i put and they misnudge me#there was one person that was exactly what i want but never heard from them because i originally had my profile set for cosplay friends#then changed it for summer activities friends and that person probably rejected me before i chamged it. i hate this#if it was a social media type thing where we can stalk accounts and have more context before being forced to do uncomfy small talk#or lose the chance to go back after rejection and possibly making a mistake...#i got 0 likes in a week when i had cosplay pics. then i removed them and got 30 in a week. how many great people have rejected me?#dumb useless app. but i have no other choices. theres no clubs and groups i can find near me. im too autistic for “normal” things
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So ive been obsessed with this minedai fanfic for a few months now and i asked the author i could translate it bc i read it like a million times and i wanted to do something with it and they gave me permission and man i really recommend translating fics bc you start appreciating things more and bc you have to read it very slowly as you translate and you imagine the scenarios way better, its actually very fun
#i actually didnt really care about mine and minedai when i played y3 i was like. Huh. Is This It#so i went into ao3 searching for fanfics because clearly there was something about them i was missing and i found this absolute masterpiece#and i Understood.#and now mine and daigo are the only things in my brain#but also yea if you know more than 1 language i highly recommend translating fics you like that youve read a trillion times it gives it a#whole new perspective and its great#i also learned that while english has so little words its so much easy to convey small and subtle things that its impossible to convey in#spanish which is the language im translating the fic into#im going to post it on ao3 since the author is cool with it but i know no omes going to read it lol theres no spanish sub for any game#except 7 i think#not really yakuza but literally no one i know would care about this shit#not that anyone here would care either lol but this account was made with the intention of posting whatever yakuza related thing is on my#mind idc#rant
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AO3 Tag Game!
Thank you for the tag @misty-wisp :D This looks so fun!
How many works do you have on AO3?
12! And it's steadily increasing as I get more (and randomly) ideas to write fics bout >:3c
What's your total AO3 word count?
126,004! Whoooaaa... That's a lot :o Ngl, I barely visit the statistics of my ao3 account so I didn't expect that one.
How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?
Okay, so... it's 5? I think. On my main ao3 account it's 2 though! OMORI and Mahoyaku! Buuuut! I've written for Persona 5 (with Magic Kaito) but I'm... too shy to put it in my ao3 account so it's just in my tumblr. The other 2 is somewhere else... (I've written a oneshot for Genshin Impact in an old ao3 account that I don't wanna open up again cuz it's so embarrassing for me... I don't even wanna read that oneshot, I'd die of embarrassment. And the other one is Honkai Impact 3rd, I forgot where I put that one but I do know I wrote a oneshot with Bronya and Seele for it).
Top five fics by kudos:
It's all from OMORI!
Once again, from the beginning - I did not really expect this one to have as much kudos as it has now, like, tbf yea it's my most well planned one but it's still so crazy to see the kudos on it-- wai when did it pass that number-- I never really check the kudos but wtf happened here.
The Tune of the New Morning - How did this one get that many kudos too??? This is my very first OMORI fic and ngl, whenever I look at it I get the very strong urge to rewrite everything from the beginning cuz of how badly planned it is. If OAFB is well planned, this one is terribly planned. I literally make things up as I go.
Magician in the Mirror - Is in the top 3!!! Lookit!!! :D The work I'm proudest in cuz this is my 2nd fic and also the one I just went ham on! I wanted it out during anni and it was all a last minute thing but I'm so glad it turned out well despite that!
The Pawn and the Bishops - I didn't expect to see this one here but alas... it is... I quite like this one though! It's the first one I've written with a fairly heavy and gloomy atmosphere and I think I did pretty good on it!
And thus, the snake ate no more - I see you're here too... This one is actually like a mix of my planning between OAFB and TNM in which that it's in the middle of well planned and terribly planned. Think of it as the middle child of my longfics. With OAFB being the spoiled youngest and TNM the unplanned first child.
Do you respond to comments?
YES! As much as I can! I like receiving comments and I like responding to them as best as I can but I also get pretty nervous bout it... so I end up barely responding anyway oh boooooo.
What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?
I??? Don't think? I have written any with an angsty ending yet? I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort so most of the fics I've written so far always had a happy ending so! Maybe in the future 👀 Maybe.
Do you write crossovers?
Is the Kaito Kuroba from Magic Kaito in Persona 5 now as Akiren and Co.'s friend stuff I've written considered crossover? If so then yes! It's actually pretty fun to write one! :D
Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?
I don't think so? Pretty happy that I haven't yet, thank goodness!
Do you write smut?
Nope! I don't know if I would though, truth be told I don't have much knowledge with writing smut, I barely read any stories (novel wise) with it as a guideline cuz I... I can't visualize it well enough, my brain is not equipped for it (I try to read smut and spend the next few minutes figuring out the characters' positions. Yall smut writers out there impressive with it cuz honestly how).
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Nope and thank god for that!
Have you ever had a fic translated?
I HAVE!!! AM SO HAPPY BOUT IT!!! :D Someone translated Magician in the Mirror to Chinese and it's so cool!!! I think there's only a Chapter 1 of it but it's so cool and nice and sweet and awwwwww.
What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Alright, sit down. This is very important. I need you to listen closely, attentively, and carefully... I Love CaiOwe/OweCai. I LOVE CAIN/OWEN!!! OWEN/CAIN!!! CAIN&OWEN I LOOOOOVVVEEE ANYTHING WITH CAIN AND OWEN!!! It's my all-time favourite ship, nothing can compare to Cain and Owen from the hit japanese game, Mahoutsukai no Yakusoku aka Mahoyaku aka mhyk aka Promise of Wizard. They're my most favourite ship I'd go to war for em, I love em so so much, I adore em sooooooo much, I see any fanart of em and my day gets better immediately. They're my lifeblood, my ambrosia, my everything. I love caiowe/owecai with all my heart...
What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?
Looks at oafb, tnm, and attsanm... I'd like to believe that regardless of how much time had passed, I would be able to finish any of those three though. Hyperfixation gone or not, I wanna finish em!
What are your writing strengths?
I think it'd be monologue? Inner monologue? What do you call that thing where it's just the narrator focusing on the characters' thoughts and feelings and their overall view on the situation??? I think I'm pretty good at that, maybe. And somehow I'm good at accidentally setting things up, I don't know how but I just accidentally do things that connects stuff.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Dialogues... I'm so bad with dialogues most of the time I spend in writing is getting the dialogues right. I'm also really bad at descriptors, I'm bad at describing things so I just try to either describe something as best as I can with the help of searching through the internet or get around that part by just being poetic.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?
I think it's pretty neat! :o I feel like I've seen fics like that before but can't really remember though I did think it added detail to the story of it!
What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?
Uhhh, I think it waaaaass Honkai Impact 3rd? I think it was the Bronya and Seele fic I've written somewhere that or it was the Genshin Impact fic instead. It was either of those two.
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?
Magician in the Mirror!!! It's my favourite I've written so far and the one I'm proudest of! And a lil biased, but the latest favourite one that I've just recently written is Look back, Orpheus which is a fic for caiowe from mhyk! Once again, from the beginning is the 2nd favourite though :3
Thank you again for the tag! Dunno who to tag though but for anyone that sees this, feel free to do it! :D
#tag game#this was so fun!#have i convinced yall yet how much i love caiowe. i rlly adore that ship a lot its my fave one ever#also am not gonna say the title of the gi fic out of embarrassment... cuz like i made that when i was still unsure#how to write 3rd person after getting trapped writing in 1st person for years. that thing along with the hi3 fic is most likely#written really badly and like-- ohmygod im not gonna look at it. i can still vaguely remember what it was about and god bro--#embarrassing... why was my writing in the past like that its got like a needlessly mysterious air to it like gurl what are you doing#the only hint im giving for that gi fic is that it has venti and aether in it cuz it was around 1.1 days and i chose aether so like#also the reason why i yeeted away from that account and made a new one is that i wanted to start clean and as embarrassing#as the fics ive written there are (which is just the gi fic and one thats an oc fic for my old friend group that ive drifted away from)#i didnt wanna delete any of it. i think its a nice memento. i also didnt wanna orphan the account or any of the works too#so i just start with a new account! honestly glad and happy that gi fic doesnt have that many kudos. pheeeewww
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I mean in some weird way Arakawa liked Jo so I do question his taste a little, but I and you also like Jo so we all weird here.
a broken clock right twice a day alright i THINK. we can excuse him this once........
#snap chats#every other thing about arakawa is 100 and even his trust in jo isnt even weird. considering their profession. and jo's Joness.#i do hope we'll see more of arakawa and sawashiro's relationship in lad8 tho <- we will not im setting myself up for disappointment#BUT NO LISTEN. i was gonna say at least arakawa didnt have a baby with jo but. but masato weirdly counts. maybe?????#listen if ichiban can tell masato that sawashiro and arakawa loved him as tho he was talkin bout his parents then it's allowed#and i mean. TECHNICALLY. YEAH. they are his parents Do Yall See Why I Get A Stroke Tryna Talk Bout This Family--#anyway. we can give arakawa a pass since we dont know the extent to which arakawa liked jo...#he on first-name basis with him so... it do gotta be a lot..... anyways moving on..#tumblr signed me out of my account while answering this HELLO ?? wacko behavior..
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if u see me watchmen oc posting no u didnt
my eyes are closed. so long as you can forgive me in 2 days when i stop posting about watchmen and start incessantly posting about something else
#avds.got.mail#martin tag#idk what the something else is yet it comes naturally#i need to finish the movie tonight so that gives me a few more days#if i watched the show it wouldve been a week of watchmen At Least but i watched the first episode and was uncomfortable with the politics#of it (new mutuals so to clarify not in a 'why is there so many black people' wasy as im certsin some freaks felt. i was mostly uncomfy#with how the role of the police regarding the conversation of antiblack racism in the us just was not looked at at all)#like i read somewhere that the head showwriter was a donator to kamila harris' campaign. he had never heard of the tusla massacre until a#few months before the show was created and overall from the first ep i just felt the politics were confused#like it wanted to say White Supremacy Bad but also look at these cops brutalise these people and these people are white supremacists so how#does that make u feel. do u feel sorry for the white supremacist???#also i think the masked cops thing makes no sense the more i think about the source material. watchmen 1985: we dont want vigilantes#because theres no one to hold them accountable. watchmen 2019: you cant see a cops face#ALSO the way the (albeit the first episode so granted i expect it to develop the politics further) locked guns thing was presented was weird#to me. like in conversations regarding police brutality to turn around and show a black man get shot through the chest because he didnt hav#access to his firearm and a white supremacist got him???? its just WEIRD#anyway sorry if you can forgive my changing interests and my dislike of the show (based off of one episode only) i can close me eyes to uroc#😑
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reading I did earlier today. First one i've done in so fucking long so it was a big one.
#its like taking a shit u know#happy to report my desk is still clean!!! day like. two or three or somehting idk#edit: i posted on my truman account the the school year will probably be busy but! i got the times mized around!! this is already happening!#whoops!!!#that does make a bit more sense!#edit 2: so like. Two paths. converging into one. looks like. right now#lots of talk but no action and family conflicts.#seems about right#then it all culminates into#sucsess and public reconision and then#i had these little book ends that are these cheeply made tarot i got in turkey#and they said the giving and taking is not even. but thats not a very satisfying ending so they didnt really do their job#but! this is my first reading in forever so no body is allowed to be mad at me!!!! im practicing!#edit 3: maybe tomorrow ill do an expansion on the other path?? i didn't realize till looking at this picture how clearly its about two#people meeting. like i was pretty sure but i didn't relize there was like. a space with the leonardman cards to expand.#should be able to set it up like this. i could even do it now..... but.... sleepy. maybe if i have trouble falling asleep ill get up and try
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im typically indifferent when someone interacts with my posts here or on my art ones in my sideblog, but when it comes to literally anything transfem yoo joo-related and someone likes the post or leaves nice tags, i lose my mind for a while /positive
#like 'oh thank FUCK im not the only one who Understands'#or if any of my besties (mutuals) find it i feel like im getting a thumbs up#thank you for encouraging my brainrot#yall probably dont know what the fuck im talking about#and if you did read orv you probably didnt expect me to fixate so heavily on such a small hc/au#considering the kny rewrite#this is what happens when you give me media thats actually Good#i will be a lil silly about it#its kind of a running joke in my friends server where i grab some random character (usually male) like a squeaky toy#and then trans beam them#and usually its bc it makes shit funnier in their personal narrative to do so#i mean i do take into account the deep sentimental stuff but there is personally not enough content#that makes the transness of a character comedic simply through the affirmation of their gender identity#and idk where the hell i would look for the kind of thing im looking for so im fucking making it myself#im just a silly little guy teehee#sauce reads orv#talking#transfem yjh au#transfem yoo joo au
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think i typed my own email wrong when paying this bill online, which, now i'm getting paranoid about,,, soooooooo yayyyyyyyy
#rambles#i just overthink and worry about the worst case scenario happening#but like...i still got a text message giving me my reciept#AND tbh i didnt use my credit or debit card but rather one directly for insurance purchases#so i mean...if the email does go to an actual person its not like they'd have a direct link to my bank account#im just worried man. im just paranoid and afraid...
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i got an ask from a rayman fan and that made me really think about coming back to the community which i wont because i was absolutely fucking traumatized by all of you assholes and none of you respect me for being fictionkin and you all fucking harassed me and left me and forgot about me like i was nothing and also i think you all are vaguely selfship with me and that makes me want to fucking drive a knife through my skull
#sorry this post is Abrasive and directed and sorry i still give a fuck about it#im still mad im still hurt and the most i got was some shit apology and then a twitter post saying Woopsie doo lol#and i think that got deleted#fuck grooming victims i guess#fuck me i guess because i did some things people dont likey on my private account#my private account#and then you showed that art to everyone and people i didnt know and you blew it up so sorry you got scared by my feelings#SORRY I SCARED YOU SORRY I LET YOU INTO MY PRIVATE ACCOUNT AND YOU SAW SOMETHING THAT WAS TWED AND CENSORED AND IT MADE YOU GO OHHH NO#SO YOU WANTED TKGO SHOW IT TO EVERYONE ELSE TO BOTHER THEM TOO#BREAK MY FUCKING BOUNDAIRES THATS OK#I WONT REMEMBER#chirp
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We are NOT doing well tonight fam 💃🏼 Crying in the club? Nah, we got a fucking monsoon up in this bitch
Reasons in tags, but it's long so buckle up chucklefucks 😎
#so much just keeps happening and i dont know if i can keep up#firstly ive had SHIT sleep the first 3 nights this week bc of nightmares that left me super tired and in conjunction depressed#so much so i had to take the day off Mon from both jobs#which then when i started to finally be better i go in tuesday (mind you im working 9hour days rn at job 1)#and half way through get a borderline migraine and vomit infront of 2 coworkers#which then resulted in MORE 9 hour days bc i have no sick time after Mon#then Wed i go into the void and the GM gives me an “official warning” bc ive apparently called out 6 times within the year#when i apologized and explained im on immunosuppressing drugs so ive been getting legitimately sick so much recently bc im not used to it#she just ignored me instead of talking about it and had me sign the paper which felt GREAT#not to mention none of them use my pronouns and misgender me constantly and loudly#then today my FUCKING HOUSE FLOODS bc of all the rain we just had dumped on us in a short period of time#and all while im anxious about finances and the possibility that my brother might have completely cut me out of his life outta nowhere#only to learn it was my mother being dramatic&he's just in the process of making a new account BUT SHE DIDNT TELL ME FOR 2 DAYS ANY UPDATES
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i’m so fucking tired. looking at the people i used to know and they way they’re just assholes. all of them, i’m so tired of seeing him in the hallways during school. i’m tired of remembering what his house looks like or things we did. i’m so tired of people.
#vent#this might be about my exes plus old friends i had back in 2022!!!!#kms#what do you mean ‘why didnt i say no’#what if i just wanted to give him what he wanted#i never checked with myself if i wanted it#it was always him over myself#im so fucking tired#remembered that time when he tried to follow my insta account#made me wanna die#i wish i was a kid again#why do i have to deal with this angsty teenage shit#this is probably the most tags i’ve put on a post#to my friends who say to not think about it#i have trauma#and trauma is fucking hard as hell to get rid of#its always there in the back of my mind#you cant make me just forget about it#or force me to stop thinking of it#my brain will think of it all it wants#i cant stop it#also remembered the time i vented about this on tiktok#and i got people shitting on me for it#saying i was a loser if i remember correctly#talking
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