#i didn't have to come here and now i'm stuck
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"Flustered" || Short-Fic
XO, Kitty - Min Ho Moon x Fem!Reader
Note from Nat: "Back to back Min Ho fics??? Didn't expect to get so much positive feedback. Thanks for going easy on ya girl, I'm still a bit rusty! Enjoy and make sure to wipe that drool off your face babe!"
Warning(s): Spoilers for "XO, Kitty" seasons 1 & 2, A little bit of Smut, Language, Sorta Proofread
As the fall semester came to an end, with everyone not wanting to part ways even for a just a month, Min Ho decides to invite the entire friend group for a winter getaway.
“Where’s Y/n?” Asked Dae which made everyone’s heads turn before the sound of snow crunching was heard.
You approached the group that was currently enjoying the hot tub, arms crossed to keep your robe shut. Min Ho suggested that the hot tub would be best way to relax after a day of travelling
“Hi! Sorry I’m late to the party,” you smiled whilst kicking off your slippers, then sliding your robe off your shoulders.
“Hot damn girl,” Q said, overcame with astonishment. "Drop the workout routine asap please," he joked as everyone's eyes lingered on your figure.
“Oh stop it,” you laughed and rolled your eyes. “This old thing isn’t worth the hype,” you insisted, but everyone would’ve begged to differ.
The navy blue two piece you were sporting hugged all the right places. Your ass and tits looked like they needed saving. The sight was definitely giving body tea.
Everyone watched as you made your descent into the tub and sat in between Kitty and Min Ho. Kitty had given you a small wave whereas Min Ho could barely make eye contact. Various conversations continued but Min Ho remained in an unlike-him-silence.
He wondered how he had not noticed how hot you looked until now. Not saying that looks are everything, but Min Ho felt stuck on how he never gave you a second glance.
"-Right Min Ho?" Dae asks, turning to his best friend who was clearly zoning out.
"Sorry what?" Min Ho replied, snapping out of his trance.
"We're gonna be able to go skiing first thing tomorrow, right?" Dae reiterated, a slight tiredness in his voice due to Min Ho's lack of contribution to the conversation.
"Of course," Min Ho nodded before his gaze back on you, who was too busy chatting with Yuri and Kitty to realizing anything else.
"Woah okay, this is new," Q teased, as his eyes followed Min Ho's. "The bikini has got your eyes lurkin'" he says, making Jin snicker at the observation.
"What are you guys talking about?" you ask with an unaware smile on your lips, Min Ho's eyes instantly looking down.
"Min Ho here seems to have-" Q began.
"Shut it," Min Ho tsked before moving to leave the hot tub.
"Hey, we were just joking," Jin called out as Min Ho shuffled back into the house.
"What was that about?" Yuri questioned, all conversations now put on pause.
"Is Min Ho okay?" Kitty asked, looking to the other boys occupying the hot tub.
"He's just a little flustered," Dae replied, the feeling of worry instantly overcame you.
"Did I do something?" you say wide-eyed but to no response. "I'll go check on him," you say before making your way out of the tub and walking towards the house. "Min Ho?" your voice echoed throughout the home.
You noticed a light coming from inside the kitchen and chose to investigate. There stood Min Ho, chugging a bottle of water with his slim yet toned physique being illuminated by the refrigerator light. He began to cough up said water after realizing your presence.
"Bloody hell, you scared me," he coughed, covering his face with the inside of his elbow. "What is it Y/n?" he asks while shutting the fridge door.
"What's with you?" you quizzed, "Ever since I joined you guys outside, you've been quiet and when I tried to converse with you-you run back inside!" you add with a hint of frustration in your voice.
"It's not my fault-"
"-So it's mine? What did I do wrong?" you cut off, urgently wanting an answer as to why your friend was avoiding you.
"Y/n, it's because y-you literally look like t-that!" Min Ho exclaimed as if it were common knowledge. "How else is a guy supposed to act when you decide walk around wearing something like that?" he questioned.
"Is what I have on not okay? Was there something in my hair?" you blabbered in response, instantly being overcame with the self-conscious feeling.
"It's fact that when I saw you earlier, I wish you didn't have anything on" Min Ho muttered in an almost whisper like volume.
The realization finally hit you, Min Ho had been eyeing you since you stepped into the hot tub. You face flushed a bright red, clearly flattered by the words that just came out of his mouth.
"So what you're saying is-"
"What I'm saying is that you look almost too good," Min Ho said, his voice deep and eyes darkened like a lion about to pounce on his next prey.
The small distance between the two of you shut in almost an instant, his hand cupped the side of your face gently. You could've sworn that the beat of your heart could be heard from miles away.
Your lack of response gave Min Ho time to lift you up and place you on the kitchen counter. Accidentally, you let out a small whimper at the feeling of the cold tile touching your skin. Min Ho felt as if he could've finished off that noise alone.
Standing between your legs, Min Ho's hands traveled all the way back down to your ass. You watched his eyes really take in your body, as if he could drink you up like a glass of water.
"Tell me to stop, and I will" Min Ho whispered as he gave your plump skin a squeeze.
Leaning in with your lips close to his ear, finally you replied, "I don't think I want you to stop".
Min Ho took this as his green light and you felt as his hands unclasped your bikini top. Grabbing the piece of clothing, he tossed away fand his eyes settled on your breast.
Biting his lip, Min Ho took one of each into his hands. "Beautiful. You are so beautiful Y/n," he said with is his accent thick, almost like he was about to melt at the sight of you.
You gasped at the feeling of his breath on your tits, causing a domino effect of butterflies and goosebumps to cover you. Min Ho chuckled at this, rubbing your nipples with his thumb in a circular motion.
Eyes closed; you threw your head back at the sensation before feeling something foreign come in contact with your breast. Min Ho's tongue began exploring your chest. It was as if he was trying to paint a picture.
His grasp on your tits became slightly more secure as he was egged on by your moans. He was marking his territory all over you with bright red hickeys.
Your half assed attempt to stifle your moans was with the palm of your hand. Min Ho however loved how loud you were getting for him and yanked your hand away from your face.
"I want to hear you," he insisted, pulling his lips away from your chest for a mere moment. "I want to hear you all night," he smirked, leaning in for a kiss.
"Uh guys?" a voiced that belonged to Yuri called out. "Is everything alright?" she asked, her voice trailing off into the hallway probably in search of you both.
Min Ho looked down with a smile on his face before getting your swim top from the ground. You quickly put it back on then pulled your hair to the front to cover the marks Min Ho left behind.
"W-we're here Yuri!" you replied hopping off the counter and walking out of the kitchen with Min Ho right behind you.
As Yuri came walking back towards you guys, her head tilted to the side in confusion, "What were you guys doing over there in the dark?"
"Just got some water," Min Ho replied, which seemingly convinced Yuri enough for her to walk back outside. "I'm not done with you yet," he whispered in your ear, giving your ass a slap.
JAN 2025
#xo kitty#minho oneshot#minho fanfic#minho moon#minho xo kitty x reader#minho moon smut#minho moon x reader#tatbilb#to all the boys i've loved before#min ho moon#min ho x reader
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I was wondering if you could do a hyunju x fem!reader where the reader is pregnant and reader sees that Hyunju is alone in the second game so reader approaches her and they start a friendship and as time goes by they both fall in love ^^
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐁𝐮𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐧! -𝐇𝐜
|| 𝐂𝐡𝐨 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧-𝐣𝐮 𝐱 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭!𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
|| 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬!: 𝐂𝐡𝐨 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧-𝐣𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝.
|| 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧-𝐣𝐮 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝
|| 𝐀/𝐧: 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬! 𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐬𝐨𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐲! Thank 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪! 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲!
Here you were, competing in deadly children games for the sake of your own child. You never excepted your life to go down this path, you were a heir to a wealthy company. Going to collage abroad, studying medicine.
And yet, you're stuck here. Fearing your life every second of the day. Luckily, you were only two months pregnant unlike Junhee, so you didn't show like she did. So, you acted just like another normal girl competing at the games.
Though you were eating for two, so the food definitely didn't keep you calm and the one thing you waited for the whole day. Instead you laid in the uncomfortable bed, staring up. You laid there with a hand on your stomach, thinking of what to do with the money you received.
You'll get a little house in the provinces, probably build a farm, and take care of your baby. Even if it's only you taking care of her/him. Then a soft yet deep voice snapped you out of your thoughts. "Hi, uhm. We were teammates during the game earlier, remember?"
She was your teammate during the game, and you remember it so vividly, she was brave and strong, had good leadership skills, moving back to the 'strong' she is very strong, you had accidentally slipped on blood whilst moving, but with ease she lifted you up to continue on walking forward.
"Yeah." You nod your head with a smile as you sat up. "Well, we're all gathering there if you'd like to be with us. Just so nobody's alone. " She smiled while explaining. "Oh, yeah sure." You reluctantly agree standing up and walking with her towards the group.
You couldn't help but notice her lingering hand on your shoulder, a small smile on her lips as her eyes glance at you. A soft pink hue appearing on your cheeks as you notice that.
Upon reaching the group, the hand on your shoulder gets removed while she goes up the stairs. The group welcomes you in, the atmosphere easy and has no awkwardness whatsoever. But when the topic changes to you, the topic asking on why they entered the games.
"I-uhm." You shudder before saying in a quiet and soft tone; "I'm pregnant." The weight on your shoulder finally gets lifted as the secret finally comes out. "How many months are you in?" Geum-ja asks, her eyes filled with worry.
"I'm only two months in, so me being pregnant won't bring us down." You tell them with a smile. "Hopefully." You mutter under your breath. During the whole conversation, you could feel Hyun-ju's eyes watching your every move.
So, when the a voice announced that it was gonna be lights out in thirty minutes, the conversations was forced to stop. "Hey." Hyun-ju's voice called out to you from behind. "I think it's best if you sleep in my bed tonight. Don't worry I don't sleep."
She left no other options as her hand gripped your wrist in a firm yet soft grip, stopping you from moving. "Okay." You accepted nonetheless, walking with her towards her bed. "You don't have to do this, y'know."
"I know. But I have too. No one knows what they could do. Especially to you." You turn around in your bed, now facing her while she sits on the floor next to the bed. "You can lay down here..." You trail off, feeling a bit shy.
"With me." Her eyes slightly widen at that before glancing at your blushing state. "Are you sure?" She asks turning to look at you. "Mhm." You hum with a soft nod, moving your body so she can have space, patting the space in front of you.
She slowly moved to lay down next to you, carefully as to not accidentally hurt you or cause you discomfort. "Am I hurting you? Are you okay?" She asked with a worried tone, which only caused you to laugh.
"You're only laying you're head on my arm, I'll be fine." You lightly chuckle to ease the atmosphere between you. Instead of sleeping you could only admire how beautiful she looked underneath the dim lights, and how she still had a protective hold over you by her arm draped over your waist. Even if it's a small thing, you somehow still felt more protected than you did on the outside world.
And when you were already sleeping that's when she woke up, due to her military training she's gotten used to waking up very early in the morning. She didn't notice at first, how your hand lightly gripped her bicep, scared that she'll leave you. And that how her arm was still draped on your waist that you didn't bother to move or brush off. She only continued to look at you, not wanting to move at all, brushing a hair off your face to pulling up the blanket to cover you.
And that's how she fell for you, as for you? You knew the moment you first saw her. You knew she was the one, the one who will help you raise your child. And that's what the both of you are doing right know, you carried your baby in your arms while she prepared her milk.
Yes, it's a girl.
The both of you won, alongside with your close friends. And luckily Junhee gave birth successfully, it scared you a little that you're gonna be next to go through that but, after was amazing. Spending months miserable to birth something so beautiful, it was poetic.
three months in, and a little baby bump was finally showing. Though, you couldn't be more confused, is it because you just ate or is it because of the baby.
and that's the month she demanded you to stop working. Now, she was the one working outside your shared apartment. Yet, she was still the same sweet and gentle person you know. Four months in, your baby bump got a little bigger. So, now she holds it in her hands every chance she gets. Hugging you from behind whilst you cook, cuddling with you in bed, and sitting on the sofa, all of those moments, she had her hand on your baby bump, that's also the month you told everyone else that you were pregnant, so now you get free kimchi every week from Geum-ja.
Five months in, and that's when your baby starts to kick. And every time, she does, you call Hyun-ju. And yes, it's a baby girl. And when the first time she feels her kicking, she sobbed into you shoulder for a straight hour, like she's the pregnant one. Geum-ja and Junhee decoded it was best to spend their mornings and evenings with you, so they'll be there if you need anything. Considering they've gone through it already, Junhee more recently.
Six months in, the baby's kicks become more frequent, and you start to crave more weirder foods. You suggested for Hyun-ju to just stay with you all day and quit her job, but she said she's saving up for her collage. That's when you sobbed into her shoulder, whispering-yelling thank you's and words of praise to her.
Seven months in, that's when your emotions took a sharp turn, your hormones kicking in every minute. She gets tired of it sure, but she loves you more than anything. And that includes waking up in the midnight just to go out and buy your craving. Only to return to you, already fast asleep.
Eight months passed by like a breeze, your baby bump was definitely showing more than ever, and you looked so cute, despite your hair and clothes being disheveled most of the time. She starts talking to the baby bump, while your fast asleep, talking about how beautiful her mother is, and how great she is.
Nine months in, and that's the month you waited for, the whole time. It was near your due-date, and she's already got everything packed, baby blanket, yours and her clothes, baby clothes that were sent by Junhee, and most importantly her strength.
the due-date day, was the hardest fight Hyun-ju ever fought, hands were gripped tightly, curses spilled from your mouth, and a birth was witnessed. So, when it was your turn to give birth, everyone who survived came to support you and Hyun-ju, so, now you're living in Thailand, peacefully with your soon-to-be wife. And a four-year old daughter. You're life was complete.
#cho hyun ju x reader#cho hyunju x reader#player 120 x reader#squid game x reader#squid game#hyun ju x reader#player 120
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𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕕 𝕠𝕦𝕥 ❄️
bangchan x gn! reader
summary: chan ends up calling you to keep him company at the studio while he works but what happens when you guys get snowed in? will it cause welled up feelings to be unraveled or will it be awkward. read to find out :)
warnings: kissing
word count: 2.2k
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Chan was sitting in the studio, staring blankly at his computer screen. He couldn't focus on the music he was supposed to be working on. He felt lonely, despite having his friends and family close by.
He picked up his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he found your name. He bit his lip nervously, contemplating whether to call you or not.
With a deep breath, he tapped on your name and hit the call button. As the phone rang, he felt a sudden wave of anxiety wash over him. He fidgeted with a pen on his desk, hoping you would pick up quickly.
You were in the middle of watching a movie when your phone suddenly rang. You checked the caller ID and saw that it was Bang Chan.
Curious, you picked up the call. "Hello?"
There was a brief silence on the other end of the line before Chan spoke up. His voice was slightly shaky, as if he was nervous.
"Hey, uh, sorry to bother you. Are you busy right now?"
You muted the TV and smiled at his apology.
"No, I was just watching a movie. What's up?"
Chan let out a sigh of relief on the other end.
"Good, because I need your help with something. I'm at the studio right now, working on a song, but I'm feeling kinda alone. Wanna come keep me company?"
You chuckled at his honesty.
"Sure, I can come over. I was getting bored anyway. I'll be there in about twenty minutes."
Chan's face lit up, a smile spreading across his features. He couldn't help but feel relieved that you agreed to come over.
"Great, thanks! See you soon. And, it’s cold, wear something warm."
You assured him that you would, and after exchanging a few more words, you ended the call. Quickly, you changed into something comfortable and grabbed a warm jacket before heading out to the studio.
When you arrived at the studio, you found Chan sitting at his desk, headphones on, working away at the computer. He looked up when he heard you enter and immediately stood up to greet you, his face brightening at the sight of you.
"Hey," he said, his usual bright smile appearing on his lips. "Thanks for coming. I really didn't want to be alone here tonight."
You smiled back at him, noticing the exhaustion in his eyes. You could tell he had been working hard all day.
"No problem. I'm happy to keep you company. You look like you could use a break, though."
Chan chuckled weakly, running a hand through his hair.
"Yeah, you're not wrong. I've been stuck on this song all day, and I can't seem to get it right. It's driving me crazy."
You glanced at his computer screen and saw the various files and programs open, each filled with different lyrics and sound files.
"It seems like you've been at it for a while. Maybe stepping away for a bit would actually help you," you suggested.
Chan sighed, acknowledging your words.
"You might be right, but every time I try to take a break, I feel guilty for not working. I just want to finish this song already."
You could sense the frustration in his voice and sympathized with him. You approached him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, it's okay to take a break. You can't push yourself too hard or you'll burn out. Why don't you show me what you have so far? Maybe I can offer a fresh perspective."
Chan glanced at you with a grateful look on his face. He appreciated your support and the way you seemed to understand what he was going through.
"Thank you," he said softy. "I'll show you what I have so far."
He sat down in his chair and pulled up a file on his screen, playing the unfinished song through his headphones.
As you listened to the track, you could hear the potential it held. It was a beautiful melody, but you could also sense the stress and pressure Chan was under. You could see his frustration growing as he messed up a few notes.
"So far, it's amazing," you told him gently. "But you seem so tense. Maybe you just need to loosen up a bit."
Chan ran a hand through his hair again, frustrated with his own performance.
"I know, I just can't seem to get it right, and it's driving me crazy. I want it to be perfect, but nothing I do seems good enough."
You squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.
"You're working too hard on this. Remember, perfect is subjective. You're allowed to make mistakes, you know. What you have so far is already incredible, and it's only going to get better once you stop being so hard on yourself."
As you and Bang Chan continued working on the song, you became so engrossed that neither of you noticed the heavy snowstorm getting outside the window.
After a while, you suddenly glanced up, noticing the thick snowflakes falling outside. You stood up and went closer to the window, watching the intense snowfall, suddenly realizing how bad the weather was getting outside.
Bang Chan looked up from the computer, seeing you standing by the window, and also noticed the intense snowfall.
"Damn, it's getting pretty bad out there," he remarked, standing up and walking over to you.
You nodded in agreement, still watching the storm outside. The wind was picking up, and the snow was falling heavily. You turned to Bang Chan, a bit worried.
"I don't think I'll be able to get home tonight. It's getting too dangerous to drive in this weather."
Bang Chan frowned slightly, his expression reflecting your concern. He hadn't considered the possibility of you being stuck in the studio due to the storm.
"You're right. It's not safe to drive in this snowstorm. You should probably stay here at the studio tonight."
You glanced around the studio, taking in the surroundings. There was a small couch in the corner of the room, and you knew there was a shower and a small kitchen in the back. Besides, you were happy to spend more time with Bang Chan.
"I guess I don't have much choice," you said with a small smile. "At least I've got good company."
Bang Chan chuckled, seeming relieved that you didn't mind staying over. He patted your shoulder gently.
"Well, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need. I'll make sure you're comfortable, don't worry."
Bang Chan led you to the small couch in the studio, where he had a stack of blankets and pillows sitting. He tossed a few blankets on the couch, making a makeshift bed.
You couldn't help but notice how sweet he was being, taking care of you and making sure you were comfortable.
Once the couch was made up, you sat down and wrapped yourself in the blankets. Bang Chan sat down beside you with a small smile.
"How's that? Comfortable enough?" he asked, his eyes scanning your face.
You nodded, feeling a sense of warmth from the blankets and from Bang Chan's concern. You smiled back at him, feeling grateful.
"Yes, it's perfect. Thank you, Chan. I really appreciate you letting me stay here tonight."
Bang Chan's eyes softened as he looked at you. He could see the sincerity in your eyes, and he felt a pang of something he couldn't quite define in his chest.
He reached out and touched your hair gently, tucking a strand behind your ear.
"Of course. I couldn't let you go out there in this storm. Your safety is more important to me than anything else right now."
A blush dusted your cheeks at his touch, the sweetness in his voice causing your heart to flutter. You could feel a sudden intimacy in the air between you two, the situation making it feel as if it was only the two of you in the world, stuck together in the studio for the night.
As you two settled into a comfortable silence, a thought seemed to cross Bang Chan's mind. He turned to you, his expression suddenly serious.
"Hey," he began, his voice soft. "Can I ask you something?"
You looked at him, your curiosity piqued. You nodded, signaling for him to continue.
"Of course, what is it?"
Bang Chan sighed, gathering his thoughts for a moment before proceeding. He turned his body towards you, his eyes fixed on your face.
"I've been thinking about something for a while now, and I just need to get it off my chest."
A sense of nervousness washed over you as you heard the seriousness in his voice. You shifted in your seat, turning to face him as well, giving him your undivided attention.
"Sure, you can ask me anything."
Bang Chan took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say.
"Sometimes, I feel like... I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like there's something more between us. Something more than just friendship."
You were taken aback by his words, your heart racing in your chest. You hadn't expected him to bring up something like that.
You looked at him, your mind racing, your feelings for him suddenly surfacing in your heart. Could it be that he felt the same way about you?
Bang Chan noticed your surprise and quickly backtracked, feeling uncertain.
"I-I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I shouldn't have said that. It's just, being here alone with you... it's making me feel things I've never felt before."
You couldn't help but feel a pang of hope in your chest. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves.
"You don't need to apologize," you said softly. "I feel... something too. I can't explain it, but being here with you, it feels right. Like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."
Bang Chan's eyes widened at your response, his heart skipping a beat. He looked at you, searching your face for any sign of doubt, but all he could see was sincerity and affection in your eyes.
"Really?" he whispered, leaning closer to you. "You feel it too?"
You nodded, your heart racing in your chest. Your feelings for him were suddenly clear to you, and you knew you couldn't hide them any longer.
"Yes," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. "I feel something for you, something strong and undeniable. I don't know what it is, but it's like my heart is drawn to you.”
Bang Chan's face softened at your words, relief and happiness washing over him. He reached out and touched your cheek, his touch gentle and tender.
"I've felt it too, this pull towards you. I just didn't know how to express it. But now, I know. I know what this feeling is, and it's so much more than just friendship."
You leaned into his touch, the warmth of his hand on your cheek making your heart flutter.
"Yes," you agreed. "It's more than just friendship. It's something deeper, stronger. I just didn't want to acknowledge it because I was afraid of ruining what we have."
Bang Chan shook his head, his eyes fixed on yours. He caressed your cheek with his thumb, his touch gentle and affectionate.*
"No," he said softly. "You could never ruin what we have. If anything, this feeling between us... it's only going to make us stronger."
Bang Chan's breath caught in his throat as he gazed at you, his eyes locked on your lips.*
He slowly leaned in, his body moving closer to you. You could feel his breath on your face, his proximity making your heart pound in your chest.*
He gently cupped your face in his hands, his touch sending shivers down your spine. He titled your head upwards, his lips millimeters away from yours.
But the moment your lips met, it was like a spark ignited between you two. The kiss grew deeper, more passionate, as Bang Chan's hands moved to the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. Your bodies meshed together, your hearts beating in sync with each other. The kiss was a mixture of tenderness and desire, your feelings for each other pouring out into the kiss.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you both pulled away, gasping for air. Your foreheads touched, and you could feel his breath on your face, ragged and uneven.
Neither of you spoke for a moment, both of you just basking in the aftermath of the kiss and the realization of your mutual feelings.
"I guess I just needed a good snowstorm and a locked studio to finally confess my feelings to you," he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. You chuckled softly, your heart fluttering at his words. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, enjoying the closeness between the two of you.
"I guess we were just in denial about our feelings for each other," you replied, your voice low and intimate.
Bang Chan pulled away slightly, his eyes meeting yours again. He took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers.
"I don't want to be in denial anymore," he said, his voice firm. "I want to be with you, officially. If you'll have me."
You felt your heart swell with happiness at his words. You gave his hand a squeeze and nodded, a smile spreading across your face.
"Of course I'll have you," you replied, unable to keep the joy out of your voice. "I want to be with you, too. Officially."
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masterlist is here
#skz#skz stay#stray kids bang chan#stray kids x you#stray kids x reader#stray kids x y/n#skz imagines#stray kids imagines#skz bang chan#bang chan#skz channie#christopher bang
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ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL.
➳ request: Heyy Soo, i was wondering if you could write a platonic scenario for Aizawa. Lets imagine he has a daughter and she got his quirk, but AFO wanted it so he kidnaped her to stole the quirk, then Aizawa saves her. Thankss 💕
➳ character/s: aizawa shouta, class 1-A mention
➳ warnings: mentions of blood and injury, platonic hcs
➳ notes: time for some semi-wholesome content with the dad and the friends!
𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
── 𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀.
class 1-A thought they'd seen their teacher mad before
but they quickly realised they were wrong when they found out you'd been taken
no one, not even mineta or bakugou, tried to piss him off for the rest of the week while they were tracking you down
president mic and midnight were frequently having to reassure aizawa you'd be ok and they'll find you
he definitely feels like a bad dad for letting you get kidnapped
doesn't explicitly tell his class they're allowed to come with on the rescue mission
but he doesn't tell them there will be consequences if they did-
wanted to cry when he saw the state you were in when they found you
hates that he'll never unsee the blood stuck to your skin and the bruises hidden beneath it
"hey, kid..." he mumbled, lifting you from the ground and cradling you against his chest. "i'm here, i've got you now."
you blearily glanced at him and he felt your muscles relax to his touch. your head nestled into the crook of his arm and you breathed a sigh of relief. "they took it," you whispered hoarsely.
"i don't care about that, all that matters is you're alive," aizawa responded, ears pricking at the sound of police sirens that drowned out the paparazzi.
"...can i still become a hero?" you wondered, hissing when you were laid onto the hospital bed that was loaded into the back of the ambulance.
"of course, i didn't train you in hand-to-hand combat for nothing." his calloused hand stroked your cheek gently and he found it lingering by your neck to feel for your pulse.
"maybe i'll be better than you," you joked, chuckling dryly and coughing the dust from the rubble from your lungs.
"don't push it."
#bnha#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#aizawa shouta#bnha x reader#mha x reader#my hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#aizawa shouta x reader#bnha imagines#mha imagines#my hero academia imagines#boku no hero academia imagines#aizawa shouta imagines
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Get to know your moots
Thanks for the tag @yxtkiwiyxt @itwasntimethatdidit40 @ace-turned-confused @thundermartini @joelmillerisapunk 🙏❤️
what's the origin of your blog title?: Milla Jovovich in the 5th element, and also I wanted people to know why my grammar is awful 😶
favorite fandoms: ppcu
OTP(s) + shipname: Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling
favorite color: black
favorite game: tlou (both games)
song stuck in your head: spite - Omar Apollo. I’m obsessed with it
weirdest habit/trait?: I have a ton, but none of them are weird (to me 😁)
hobbies: video games, tv shows, writing fics, listening to music
if you work, what's your profession? I check whether construction projects comply with the law
if you could have any job you wish what would it be? if I could I wouldn’t work tbh. But I think I’d be happier if I worked in a bookstore or a flower shop
something you're good at: listening, I think. And if I’m invested in something I need it to be perfect, so if someone asks me to do something, it should be nicely done
something you're bad at: I don't always know where my boundaries are until I realize I crossed them, and it's too late. I'm done with the thing or the people that asked too much of me and I disappear (and I didn't even see it coming)
something you love: calm. Being at home, quiet
something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: honestly when I’m comfortable with the person, I can talk about everything
something you hate: a lot of things, I can be super grumpy 🙃 Yesterday I was at the movies. Some people were talking too loudly, others were eating during a silent scene and I just wanted to throw them out. In general I don't like noisy people and I hate rudeness. I’m not comfortable with intrusive people or when people come too close to me physically
something you collect: tickets (plane, activities done while traveling, movies, concerts…) I live in nostalgia, and keeping them is a need for me
something you forget: I have a very weird memory. I can remember some details from 15 years ago, and forget something you told me 2 min ago. I still don’t know how this damn memory works
what's your love language?: acts of service, listening, being there when they need me
favorite movie/show: the silence of the lambs, seven, narcos, friends, luther, the last of us, 6 feet under
favorite food: we have some really good meals with cheese and potatoes in France (raclette, gratin dauphinois, tartiflette…) and I love them. And pasta never disappoints (I love italian food)
favorite animal: I’m a cat person, but I’m fascinated by orcas
what were you like as a child? I was quiet and shy, already anxious af and didn’t want people to know it
favorite subject at school? english, geography, history
least favorite subject? maths and sciences. I feel dumb af when it comes to that
what's your best character trait? I’m a good listener, I think. When I love, I love hard. If my friends are attacked I feel like my heart is ripped in two
what's your worst character trait? I overthink everything. And when I don’t, I don’t give a fuck. Which is very disturbing, even for me 🤯
if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? I’d stop working and lie on my couch. But today’s a good day, I work from home, so it’s ok
if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? Honestly if I could travel in time I’d just want to see my mom again
recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): raider!joel @toxicanonymity is my roman empire. I said it a million times, and I’ll say it again 😍🖤
I’m working on a list of my all time favorite fics that I will share soon, I hope. I have old lists here
npt: @aurorawritestoescape @iamasaddie @toxicanonymity @604to647 @schnarfer
@sawymredfox @iknowisoundcrazy @baronessvonglitter @bonezone44 @magpiepills
@pascalssbabyy @tateypots @sunshineispunk and whoever wants to 🙏
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i fucking hate going to things alone
#not me crying and freaking out in front of the person at registration in the ER 🤪#50c14l speaks#and for what. the nurse to tell me 'yeah no that doesn't look infected'#and my dad was over here saying OH IF YOU DON'T GET ANTIBIOTICS IT'LL SPREAD TO YOUR EYE!!!#fucking bullshit#i didn't have to come here and now i'm stuck
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Growing closer than expected (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Kabu#Larry#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#To the shock of no one this is Zarla's fault (lol)#Bad influence! Too inspiring! Stop this! I'm totally not culpable for Being Inspired for the [X]th time now definitely lol#I kept finding little ideas popping into my head with them and I mean if I've already doodled them Once I guess I could try a couple more#Learned them just well enough to keep finding things for them pft#Although I am surprised by just how easy I find Larry to Draw - not necessarily that I'm fully Confident in drawing him yet but like#There's very little struggle to the shapes I put down here and I'm fairly pleased with their configuration haha#Kabu on the other hand!! Why is he so hard to draw!!! What!! Like I know his clothes are complex but no his face!#He's got a really cute and difficult-to-draw face! Why! I cannot figure him out#It's probably the do with the shape and size of his head...his hair........ I really enjoy fluff and he's Kind of but Not Really fluffy??#And his white streaks aren't intuitive to me - but Larry's floofs are??? I don't know#The only thing I can figure it that I Kind Of draw Dexter the same way - Larry's streaks are like an exaggerated version of how I floof Dex#And then a suit is second nature by now but I've already talked about my difficulties with Kabu's clothes lol#Didn't stop me from putting him out front for this hug tho! It's cute... Kabu asking Larry to come play with him but Larry has stuff to do#May or may not have felt a little that way myself - made most of these doodles during Requestober haha so busy!#The brightly shining brilliant glow boyfriend setup-payoff returns ♥ He glows like a fire! Overwhelming!#I still really love that glow cutaway style around the low-bouncing flower haha - just don't draw there and it gives the impression! Fun :)#Hugs <3 Unsurprisingly been in the want of cute fluff and sweetness and hugs were very on the menu#It really is fun to think of Larry being just a Little weird about how much he feels for Kabu#Acting childish as that part of him hasn't had the chance to grow and mature! Stuck awkward and gangly in otherwise full development#Feelings so big and strong and immediate for the first time in too too long <3 Gotta express them all somehow#And ending off with a bit of silliness haha - was Kabu prompting him just to hear such an answer? Who knows ♪#Larry just too straightforward haha - why else would he do or say things unless he felt like it! Pfsh obviously#Haha
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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fuck i'm actually going to end up enjoying Sevpercy huh
maybe in a picky I like them when they are in my head or when I do it kind of way
or in a time travel way because when it comes to Snape I like his teenage self a lot more than his adult self
#percy weasley#Severus Snape#Sevpercy#i remember reading a post about how snape works really well with characters that fall into a mother hen role and that is something#that i think about with Percy alot so now im kinda 👀 maybe#i just kind of assumed i didn't like it because i didn't care for alot of the fics id come across with them#so they might just fall into the same category as like TomPercy where I'm just super extra ultra picky about them#Percy accidently changing history without meaning too by getting close to snape leading to snape never telling Voldemort about the prophesy#that would be funny#because i don't think its openly known that its snape that tells him so its like#Percy had done a few things to hopefully help things and now is waiting for the time to come and its just not coming???#it's now December?? why are the Potters still alive?? not like he wants them not to be but it's like necessary isn't it for Voldemort to fa#he doesn't even know what he even did to change it#which was becoming a Lily replacement for Sev without even meaning to#this is such a weird concept like my brain is thinking Percy goes back post war maybe an accident maybe on purpose#but like its not a he's in a younger body now fic#we are talking reversed age gap here#Maybe his intention was like to go back and try to get close to the Evans (because it would be easier then getting close to the Potters)#and while he succeeds at it he ends up seeing how horrible Severus had it as a kid and now keeps giving him food and being nice to him#ooh random what if in a time travel scenario#you don't age until you reach the day you went back#Ive never seen that but it could be really neat imo#Percy just being stuck at like 25 while everyone ages around him until 2001#like imortality-lite#point is ive turned sevpercy into another 'caretaker' turned lover later in life ship because im weak to it and a little bit of a weirdo#again i blame the fact i have daddy issues and have a secret wish to be taken care of#poor Sevs just got a thing for Redheads that are nice to him
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#nothing is more depressing than working on my cv#because I just don't feel like I have marketable skills#and so many of the writing and research posts I come across on job sites are like ''you'll be working alongside ai''#I even saw a copywriter post that said ''you won't be doing any writing or editing. you job will be to refine and improve ai prompts#so that the ai can more consistently produce the texts we need''#like hello#the person doing that job is literally making themself more obsolete by the day#so here's the plan#I need to take any job that pays vaguely well#and use that money to either do short corses#or save up to go so my masters#that conclusion is inescapable#just. for now I'm still stuck on step 1 : finding a decent job#and (perhaps I'm being too picky) but post covid I do not want to go back into anything in the tourism industry#it's too precarious and honestly just comes down to entertaining rich people which pushes me further left every time i think about it#I considered joining the communist party. but 1) they're still part of the tripartite alliance with the anc... which is a no from me#and 2) communist révolution should spontaneously happen in industrialised countries with surplus wealth when the proletariat arise#south africa does not have surplus wealth nor class consciousness really. it's still filtered through post apartheid racial groupings#which is unhelpful because the black bourgeoisie are not our allies just because they're black#and trying to impose communism in a society without the surplus wealth didn't work out too well throughout the 20th century#so what does that leave you with#parties like cope ? plagued by the same issues as the anc ? no thank you#(I did also study politics btw which is why I've even considered these career paths)#(although I haven't worked in politics or governance since graduation so maybe that doesn't even matter anymore it's been years)#all I want is a job that pays fairly and leaves me with enough free time to do my hobbies#I do not have the grindset I'll admit that#which is why I've enjoyed the art industry#but again. it just comes down to entertaining rich people in the small galleries which is needlessly stressful#and the larger non-commercial galleries and musea aren't hiring atm...#and that's it. rant over I guess since this is the 30th tag
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me after eating the salsa i spilled off the floor
#just me hi#brother. the lid was stuck. and i had no forces on my side Lmao [<- in a deep state of mourning]#the thing flipped upside down.. i got some on my sleeve somehow?? i'm wearing a t-shirt so like. how'd that happen lol#and now i'm eating salsa-less tortilla chips.. who hated the world so much that i can taste the salt plains on them.... hgfbshf#/anyway chess started saying 'no it's fine off the top actually look' and he started scooping some off the top Hbfvhahdkksh#if either of us get sick you know why. the floor salsa will come for us all one day hbgvfha#//anyway i'm back on my kartrider kick loll :>>>#forgot how much i like that game! can only play with one sibling because it stresses the others out GFdvzhfhns#we have a club and it's. well it's not thriving hdbdbhs - but regardless it's cool :3#i've gotten some new personal bests which is cool!! didn't think i'd get back into swing so quick but yee :D#anyway my user is Rumour if anybody here knows what i'm talking about lollll#//ye :3 i gotta go check my other things now hfbsfh#haven't been on my computer and that's where i live so i always end up in a sort of cocoon when this happens lol#it's a cozy cocoon though. yea :)#anywho yea. toodles :D
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Sucks to see the same kind of attitudes that ensured I would never be comfortable calling myself a feminist are still around
#i didn't really vibe with the word anyway#and then a bunch of people were like#''but using that label is more important than supporting equality and bodily autonomy and liberation etc#the actions and beliefs mean nothing it's all about the label!''#am i being autistic here gyfeiwuhe#thinking about it now it's like they could not comprehend having shared beliefs but not using the label#meanwhile i'm unable to comprehend why they were so stuck on the label that everything else became less important#and the treatment i got chased me into being way too lenient with alt-right types so who the fuck are you helping#that post i made a while back about aggressive people just directly supplying new soldiers to the alt-right and hate groups#is something coming from some personal experience#i never got too far down the tunnel because i continued caring too much about people and boy did the right-wingers around me hate that rfeh#but anyway you're NOT helping
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i really do love practicing 🎻
#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears#but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up'#some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up#and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks#from time to time#but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :)#i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now.#i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice!#it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!!#i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me#i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later#i won't lose sight of that#<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat.#i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory#sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that#ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better!#life is like that i think#anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe
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can you get burnout from doing nothing
#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on#unless it was caused by trying to socialise online#which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis#i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think#but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like#lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on#and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah#and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk#so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational#basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in#it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go#and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol#but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again#and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you#pretty much like that#at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life#also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like#cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those#idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just#forgettable or something#i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable#but also i'm impatient lol#again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3#but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self#i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life#i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good#ramble
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but what if the torment will never be over and I just have to live in hell forever now.
#how is a teenager supposed to come to grips with everything#how am i supposed to do this#why didn't i get to have a life#why was i 11 when covid first happened#and why am i 16 now#and why has my life felt like some sick circle back to where i was at 12 sitting at home in my room at 3am#except now I'm in so much more pain and so much more traumatized and have so much more responsibilities#and no direction for my life anymore#and no hope that anything will get better again#I'm just stuck here. again.#and this time i don't think i can get out#i barely remember things from before middle school#and that's when everything started going to shit#and it won't stop#it just won't stop getting worse#i know it's gotten better but what am i supposed to do when i realize i am so much more unsafe than i have ever been before#and i fear it's going to go below rock bottom next year#how do i pull myself anymore#why do i keep going#i know why but looking future in the face i am so overwhelmed and terrified#and i don't want to go into that#i don't want to be in that future because i don't know who I'll be after that#i don't know how i am going to be#and how I'm still here#i feel like I'm falling apart a bit#but it's 3:22am#I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow#for now i should go to bed#tw vent
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