#i didn't have to come here and now i'm stuck

[barcaatthemoon]

perfect || alexia putellas x reader ||

Alexia tries to pull you out of your head when your insecurities become too much.

18+

You had always grown up assuming that you would have found your true love by fairly young. Growing up, everybody that you had known seemed to find their soulmate by the time that they were in their twenties. You had tried so hard for so long, but nothing ever really happened. Until Alexia, you had just assumed that something had to be wrong with you.

Alexia loving you didn't magically cure all of your insecurities. Some of them had gotten quieter, but others became much louder. Sometimes, they were screaming so loud inside of your head that you couldn't function. Alexia was never really sure what you needed whenever you shut down like that, but she still always tried her hardest to pull you out of your stumps.

"Amor, are you awake?" Alexia crept into the bedroom as quietly as she could. The woman had a very heavy tread, but she had been getting a bit more mindful of how she moved around the apartment whenever you were resting. The door opened up fully as Alexia stepped inside to see you laying in bed, wide awake.

"Alexia, you're going to be late for your lunch with Alba," you told her. You thought Alexia had left for it hours ago. She had definitely left to go pick up some things from the market for her mother, who needed a few things for the dinner she was making that night. Alexia was going to go over there, and you knew that she wanted you to come with her, but you had been practically glued to the bed for the past three days.

"Alba canceled because you weren't coming. I swear that she thinks I'm a vessel to hang out with you now," Alexia huffed. Normally, you would have caught onto the fact that she was joking, but you took it as anger. Alexia realized that she had definitely said the wrong thing and scrambled to apologize when you whined and flopped away from her. "Hey, what's wrong amor? What is going on in your head?"

"I don't want to talk about it," you mumbled. Alexia sighed and laid down next to you. You knew that Alexia hated laying down after she had already gotten out of bed. The woman rarely ever took naps or allowed herself rest. You hadn't been there whenever Alexia was stuck recovering from her ACL, but you knew that it had a lot to do with her limited ability to do things while injured.

"I know that you are hard on yourself, and that me asking you not to be won't do much. Just like you asking me to slow down isn't really going to make me stop. We are both very stubborn and stuck in our ways, but that's okay. I have learned to accept your help and support when I need it," Alexia said. You turned to face her, unsure of where she was going with this anymore. "Maybe you should try accepting my love and support a little more too."

"I don't understand why you want me. You could have anybody you want, but you're here with me. What's so special about me?" you asked her.

Alexia cupped your cheeks and rested her forehead against yours as she whispered a single word for her answer, "Everything."

It was fairly impactful, and you found your eyes tearing up a bit. Alexia fought her instinct to panic at your tears, instead wiping them away with her thumbs. You closed the distance between your faces and kissed her. Alexia didn't push or pry with the kiss, letting you show her what you were currently comfortable with.

Alexia would never openly complain about it, but you knew how hard it was for her to hold off physically whenever you got down on yourself. There was a certain level of affection that Alexia had gotten used to with you, and for you to suddenly close yourself off completely left her confused and hurt. For you to kiss her like that while you were upset felt like a huge step, one that Alexia hoped she could use to get you to open up about what in particular had caused you to spiral this time.

"I don't know why you would ever think that you weren't everything that I've ever wanted for myself and more. Would you tell me if someone said something to you that made you think otherwise?" Alexia asked. She had learned very quickly to look out for you. Her family loved you, even if there were a few members who had been fond of exes and believed that those had been the right choices for Alexia. It wasn't an easy decision, but Alexia had lessened contact with them for the time being.

"It's not like before, it's stupid. I just need to stay away from my phone for a while, that's all." You had hoped that mumbling your way through your words would have kept Alexia from understanding you, but of course, that hadn't worked. Alexia knew what to listen for, and you could see her face fall. She blamed herself, just like you knew that she would. Alexia wanted to protect you from everything, and she took it personally whenever she 'slipped up' and something upset you.

"We can both working on being more present," Alexia decided. You were glad that she didn't go in on herself about not catching anything wrong earlier. She pressed a quick kiss to your forehead as she pulled you into her arms to cuddle. You hadn't been sleeping overly well despite spending all day in bed, so you quickly fell asleep in Alexia's arms.

…

Alexia could tell that while she had managed to pull you out of your own head long enough to get you to dinner with her mother and sister, her work was far from finished. You were no stranger to the stereotype that the Spanish were affectionate, you were a pretty big part of that, but Alexia was the outlier. She didn't necessarily have trouble being affectionate, but she wasn't as naturally friendly as Jenni or Leila tended to be.

As she looked at your mood begin to drop again, she decided to take a page from their books. Alexia knew how much the simplest gestures could mean to you, and maybe she was feeling a little brave after a few glasses of wine (and the shots that Alba managed to sneak in without their mother noticing.) Alexia held onto one of your hands, occasionally bringing it up to her lips to kiss.

"You and Alba have got to stop doing shots while you're doing dishes," you laughed. Alexia scoffed, but didn't deny that had been what they were doing. You were free to know that as long as you kept your mouth shut about it to other people.

"I love you. Is it illegal for me to show you that now?" Alexia asked, a bit snarkier than usual. You bit your lip as you looked over to see her pouting. You sighed and pressed a kiss to her cheek as you rolled up to a stoplight. "You look really good tonight."

"Oh, so you're loving on me because you're horny. Okay, got it," you teased. Alexia stammered and stuttered to defend yourself until you gave her another kiss. From that point on, Alexia spent the rest of the car ride trying to kiss your neck. You were glad that nobody seemed to be out because you did not want some random person to catch the two of you like that. "Alright, hands to yourself until we get in the apartment, got it?"

"Bossy, I kind of like it." You gave Alexia a glare until she agreed to listen to you. It came as a genuine surprise when Alexia did keep her hands and mouth to herself. The only time she touched you was to steady herself as the two of you walked down the hallway towards your front door.

You had partially expected for Alexia to be all over you before the door was even shut, but instead, she just calmly led you back into your bedroom. Alexia kept you in your dress, but took her jacket off and started to unbutton her shirt as she made her way over to the bed. You knew that Alexia liked your dress a lot, but you honestly wanted to get out of it as soon as you could.

"Are you going to pout if I don't let you take this off of me?" you asked her. Alexia shook her head as she rolled her sleeves up a little. You bit your lip as you watched the muscles in her forearms flex. "On second thought, Ale can you get the back of my dress. I don't think I can reach."

"Of course, I can. Anything to help you," Alexia muttered as she sat up on her knees. She knelt at the edge of the bed to help you undo the back of your dress. You could feel her eyes on your skin just moments before she just decided to do what she had clearly been wanting to all night.

You shivered at the initial feeling of her mouth against yours. Alexia slowly pushed your dress off of your body, trailing kisses down your back as the fabric fell. You stepped out of the dress and turned around, cradling the back of Alexia's head. She looked up at you as her hands grabbed your hips to pull you onto her body.

"Ale!" you squealed as she flipped you onto your back. You let out a sigh at the press of her body against yours, something that you had been missing in a while. Alexia had been busy, as had you, so there hadn't been room for much other than a quickie here or there. Neither of you wanted to pressure the other for intimacy, so both of you had just sort of let it happen.

"You look good, and obviously I haven't been showing you how much I love you enough. We don't have to do this if you don't want to, but please don't ice me out." You didn't think that you had ever heard Alexia speak to you like that. She was borderline pleading with you, and you knew that it wasn't just for sex. Alexia probably couldn't have cared less whether or not she got laid. What she did care about was showing you every bit of love and affection that she could.

"O-okay, I want this too. I really do, I'm just a little nervous I guess," you told her. Alexia seemed to really take that to heart as she leaned in to kiss you. The kiss was soft and sweet, and Alexia waited for you to pull her in to deepen it. Your lips parted for Alexia's tongue.

You and Alexia shared several more kisses before your neediness set in. Alexia only pushed things on your cue. You pushed at her shoulders, furthering her path down your body. Alexia lingered at a few places, lathering your breasts with kisses. You tried to subtly wriggle out of your underwear to avoid ruining the pair, but Alexia's body on top of yours made it a bit difficult.

"Is something wrong?" Alexia asked as you started to push her off of you a little. With her sitting up now, you were able to pull your underwear down your legs. Alexia looked at you with a somewhat unimpressed look, but it quickly left as her attention was turned to your cunt.

"I was hot." You let out a soft chuckle, one that was interrupted by Alexia's fingers tweaking your nipples. Her fingers continued to pinch and tease while she feverishly kissed you. The kiss was a bit messy, even with Alexia trying to show a bit of restraint with you.

Even your most seemingly romantic sex didn't come with such caution. There was a bit more obvious passion, but you knew that Alexia's love for you was coming through her care. She didn't want to rush you, even if your body was starting to crave the faster pacing.

You held out on begging or pushing Alexia too quickly, and your reward was plentiful. Alexia held onto both of your hands as she ate you out. Her tongue lapped up the juices of your arousal in between its calculated assault on your clit. Alexia alternated between flicking her tongue against your clit and sucking the bud into her mouth.

"Fuck! Ale, please don't stop! Baby, I'm so close," you cried out. Alexia kept her efforts steady, not breaking her rhythm for anything. Your hips were moving wildly against her face, riding her hard enough to nearly break her nose. Alexia stayed strong until your hands stopped holding onto hers.

"I. Love. You." Alexia placed a kiss to your thigh between each of her words. You glanced down to see her lips glistening with your wetness.

"C'mere," you mumbled. Alexia moved from between your legs and leaned against the pillows next to you. You lazily reached up and pulled her down for a kiss, slowly licking the remnants of yourself from her lips.

"Fuck," Alexia groaned. You gave her a couple of sweet kisses after that before you dropped your hands and curled up to lay in her lap. "I know that won't magically fix everything, but do you feel any better?"

"Yeah, I do. Thank you for looking out for me Ale. I love you," you told her.

"I love you too," Alexia whispered as she ran her hands through your hair. You laid like that for a couple of moments before you started to get cold and moved to cover yourself up. Alexia didn't even seem to notice, having drifted off to sleep without even fully laying down yet.

[leclarifies]

off the grid - III

✰ max verstappen x !driver reader ✰

summary: you strived for nothing but perfection. nothing less was expected from you. being a female formula one driver made it even harder for you to make mistakes. you figured that dating max, your biggest rival yet, wasn't a mistake...right...?

genre: kinda slow-burn? mostly angst, eventual fluff at the end.

wc: 5.3k

a/n: hi, i have been VERY busy HAHAHA. not proofread or checked for grammar mistakes bc i wanted to push this part out asap, please excuse any spelling mistakes. thank u so much for reading

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"(monaco) oklahoma, you made a man out of me." - lany, 'cowboy in l.a'

all you remembered was the screaming.

the glass shattering.

your mother reaching out for you as you curled up into a ball on the floor.

you had your hands covering your eyes, you were just 16 after all.

"you're insane! we promised not to fight in front of our child, now you're throwing things at me?" your mother had yelled, you squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting anything to do with it.

"if you were the one fucking men behind my bed, then i wouldn't be throwing shit at you!" your father retaliated, throwing another glass that narrowly hit your face.

why was this happening to you?

"if wouldn't have cheated if you just paid attention to this family falling apart for once!" your mother had left your side to go and physically fight with your father.

you were in the corner of the room, back facing them as you endured all the fighting.

"stop it! i hate you guys fighting, STOP IT!"

when was this going to end?

a gasp escaped your lips as you sat up from the nightmare. it's been happening a lot recently.

your throat was dry, sweat dripped down your forehead as you assessed where you were and what was happening.

there was a indescribable feeling that specific nightmare gave you, and you couldn't place your finger on it.

maybe it was when all of your childhood trauma started, the first ever fight you had witnessed from your parents, or maybe that was when you realized that you chasing your dreams was a little heavy on the family expenses.

you didn't know.

all you knew right now was that you hated the way it made you feel, how it made your skin crawl, how it raised goosebumps on the nape of your neck.

"are you alright?" max's soft and sleepy voice emerges from his bedroom, and that's when you finally recognized where you were. he had heard shouts of distress, knowing that it was you in another nightmare.

you turned your head slightly to meet his eyes, his soft blue sleepy eyes that were flashed with concern and worry. words were stuck in your throat as you tried to get them out, but all that came out were pathetic sobs.

you curl up in a similar position that you once knew all too well, and sobbed while hugging your legs. max was quick to jump to your side, stroking your head as he usually does and asks you what was wrong but the words wouldn't come out. a mixed feeling of regret and self-pity bubbled up in your chest as max captures you in a hug.

all you could do was sob in his shoulder.

"it's okay, i'm here. nothing can hurt you anymore. i'm here," max spoke softly as you tried to come down from the nightmare.

"i-... max—"

"shh, it's okay. i'm here, you're okay."

you didn't want to be a burden to anyone anymore, and tonight, you were feeling everything like being a burden to everyone.

"her expenses are getting out of hand, we cannot keep fueling her karting career if this goes on," your mother had been whispering under her breath but you could hear her, hiding behind a wall. you freshly turned 17.

"she is chasing her dreams, i am not letting you rip that away from her," your father sternly spoke to your mother.

"she is nothing more than a burden to our expenses, can't you see? she will never get far in karting, women never do. stop fueling her delusions like this, it's not good for anyone or anything," your mom interjected again as she throws the bills into the kitchen counter.

you never knew that your mother had felt that way about your karting career. it hurt.

more than the comments of the boys on the grid.

because at the end of the day, even your own mom didn't believe in you.

why should you believe in yourself?

"you are a cruel woman. how do you think she'll feel when she hears that from her own mother?" your father had reprimanded your mother, his eyes sharp and his tongue even sharper, "why can't you believe in your daughter for once? does it cost you money to be supportive?"

"in this case, yes! she is draining the expenses and you know it," your mother growls, just loud enough for you to hear.

god how you wished she understood how you felt.

you had fallen asleep in max's arms once again, maybe the third time this week. max never had the heart to wake you up and leave your side after a particularly bad dream, so he would always move you to lay on top of his chest and sleep with you on the sofa.

you stirred awake for a bit when you felt him move you.

"max..?" you mumbled, your eyes barely open but planted a soft, chaste kiss on your forehead. it fluttered something in your sleepy stomach that you couldn't quite place.

"sleep."

"you can always go back in your room," you slurred your words from the tiredness from the emotional draining you had to do earlier but he shook his head gently, saying no to your suggestion.

"sleep."

"but—"

"sleep, schatje."

you woke up the next day to max's hushed voice talking, he sounded quite irritated. it sounded like he was fighting. none of the words made sense to you until you finally started waking up.

"—like i said kelly. i want nothing to do with you anymore— you cannot use p as leverage. i'm happy now..." max's hushed voice trailed off, you fluttered your eyes open to see that he was sitting up and you were laying on his lap.

you sleepily look up at him before he smiles at you, focusing back on his phone call, "i have someone else now kelly, if you can't accept that then it's your issue to deal with," he mumbled before shutting off the phone, finally giving you all of his undivided attention.

"kelly giving you trouble again?" you ask, sleep laced in your voice, stretching a tiny bit, he pat your head twice and nodded.

kelly had been borderline harassing him, almost a year later and begging to take her back. maybe she finally realized how hard her life was once she couldn't mooch off his money anymore.

"just the usual, i can't be arsed to deal with her."

you sit up and look at max apologetically, "did i give you a lot of trouble last night? i'm sorry for bothering you again, i told you i would be able to handle it by myself."

max rolled his eyes sarcastically, really not minding and liking the way he had to take care of you and how you naturally drifted towards him for comfort.

"i told you, i want to take care of you. you're not a burden to me, you are perfectly fine just the way you are," max had said, while he was talking he had stood up right in front of you and held both of your hands.

"i just don't want to feel like i'm burdening anyone anymore, i just—... i hate it," you look up at him, "you understand how i feel right? i just don't want you to feel—"

"you're doing it again."

a sigh left your lips and you look away from max's blue eyes, "look at me," he tells you softly, finger hooked underneath your chin to make you look at him.

"you're doing okay, you're fine. i am here for you. you're gonna do great this season," max had told you words of encouragement, "i am so proud of you. just do your best. i will always be here to support you."

"thank you max."

"you're welcome schatje."

"this question is for y/n, how do you feel coming into this season of formula one? your third year and it has been a fabulous ride with you in the red," the interviewer had asked, you were elected to be on the panel for media interviews this time around.

you put the mic up your mouth and spoke, "i feel great, helping ferrari get their constructors' cup after so long did help with that feeling. charles also had a hand in this, so i won't take all the credit. i do wish to win the driver's championship this year— that's if charles lets me," you finish it off with a chuckle as you glance at charles who was on the left of you.

charles gives you a teasing look which you roll your eyes playfully to.

"next question is to max," the interviewer smoothly moves over to max who was to your right, you glance at him before listening to what the question was, "how is your car after testing season? do you think you guys might be able to fight for the constructors' cup this year? why or why not?"

"i think the car is miles better than last year, i think we have a good shot in winning the constructors' cup this year— no offense to the two ferrari drivers to the left of me," max gives you a glance as you both lock eyes, you swiftly look ahead and to the panel of interviewers.

the interview was shortly wrapped up as you guys were dismissed to head home for the night. third day of testing had finally finished and you just had enough of the media duties for today. having to film content for ferrari socials as well.

it was almost routine for the two of you guys to walk to your hotel and just yap to eachother for about thirty minutes of the walk, as you were wrapping things up and gathering your things in the motorhome, charles walks in and greets you.

"you going home with verstappen tonight?" charles winks at you as he approaches you and stands next to you, you scoff and nod, "you've been spending a lot of time with him lately and a small birdie tells me that you also live in the same apartment as him."

"we've been living in the same building for almost a year now charles, where have you been?" you joke with him as you zip up your dufflebag and carry it on your shoulder.

charles just laughs as your response and shrugs, "you guys getting closer? in that sense, if you know what i mean," he wiggles his eyebrows and you laugh and shake your head, knowing everything between the two of you guys was entirely— maybe not entirely but they were mostly platonic.

"you are worse than the media pen charles, really," you laugh as you wave him off, wanting to retire for the night. now you knew why charles asked if you were going home with max or not, he was waiting for you outside of the motorhome.

you smiled at him and he smiled at you, motioning to the exit as you followed close behind him.

throughout the years of spending time in his apartment, you had slowly but surely opened up about things that have happened in the past that still haunted you to this day. max did the same. telling you similar stories from his childhood that he fortunately had gotten over as the years went by.

but they were still scabbed scars that you kept picking on, making them bleed red every time you remembered.

it had barely been a decade since you escaped your childhood home, filled with fighting and violence from your mother.

max was there through the countless nights of nightmares, always holding you tight and whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

you always hated those nights.

not only did you feel like a burden to max, but you felt as if you were burdening the entire world.

no one should see you in that state.

smack!

the sound of the slap rang through the air as you protested your mother not letting you leave the house.

"you are not going to your silly races anymore, you are a girl, y/n. act like one," your mother had sternly reprimanded you, but you only glared at her in response, not being able to say anything. knowing that if you did, sobs will come out and your mother would make fun of you.

"just because me and your father divorced, doesn't mean i'm going to support this stupid delusion of yours going into formula one, never," your mother had continued as she dragged you by the shirt into your room, "now sit there and think about how pretty you're going to dress up when you go to tonight's party."

the door slammed shut in your face.

you called your father of course and getting you out of your mother's house was a hassle, your mother was refusing entry to your father because it was not his day of visitation and your father was trying to force himself in because it was race day and you were due there.

it was your debut in formula 2, and your mother had managed to make it hell for you. first race and you had tears in your eyes because what you had to go through in your mother's home.

your debut in formula 2 wasn't smooth, nor was it easy. but you had your father there at least, cheering from the sidelines. it was tough enough that the f1 academy didn't exist at this time, only being able to progress through to f1 to actually compete with the nepo babies that surrounded the paddock.

"you okay?" max had stopped in front of you, you blinked plainly before focusing on his blue eyes, you bit your lip, feeling guilty. he was probably talking about something and you were not listening.

"uh, yeah. sorry, i was just in my own head there," you smile slightly at you, "were you saying something?" your brain had been running completely on autopilot, just walking wherever max was walking.

max looked at you that said it all.

"stop thinking about her, she's not worth your time. are you really gonna let her ruin your days in f1?" max crossed his arms in front of his chest, "you told me that's what most of your dreams were about, she terrorizes your dream but you cannot let her ruin this for you."

"it's easier said than done, max," you look up at him sadly before looking away from his gaze, you hated the way he looked at you when he knows what you're going through. as if he could see through the tough exterior you built for yourself.

max gently took your hand and caressed it.

this was what you meant when it was mostly platonic.

"look at me— look at me when i'm talking to you, y/n l/n."

you gently tore your gaze away from the city skylines and look up to lock eyes with his steely blue eyes, they were like the sky. you just couldn't look away sometimes.

"i believe in you, okay? you have been a wonderful driver the two years you've been in formula one, do you understand?"

you nod at his encouraging words, not knowing what else to say. the words lost as they reached your mouth.

"you have achieved so many things in your rookie year that so many people in the sport can only dream of doing, have a little faith in yourself and in your skills," max gently squeezed the hand he was holding, "hell, you even beat me to the constructors' cup last year and the year before that—"

"charles helped—"

"do you always have to discredit yourself when it comes to your team's achievements?"

you could only sigh when he said that, you genuinely believed that you didn't deserve to be here. that someone much more talented did, not realizing that you indeed do have the skills, that you just had to give yourself more grace.

"yeah, that's what i thought. let's go back to the hotel and relax, okay? you deserve it. sometimes being in the paddock for too long can mess you up," max says before tugging you along back to the hotel.

"radio check," anthony sounded out from the garage, you were ready for this race. you were always ready for a good race.

"loud and clear," you say as you sat in your car, starting front row next to max. taking pole was easy in monaco this time round.

"okay y/n, stick to plan a. don't take unnecessary risks. just play it safe, defend, and bring it home," anthony had reminded you, you hum a response before focusing completely on the race.

fred had informed that they were going to prioritize you this race, charles has been having engine problems since free practice and he told you that it was okay for you to take the lead on this one, not having much hope on his car seeing the mountain of problems it had caused him this weekend, but he was still willing to try. placing himself p4 on the grid.

"welcome to the monaco grand prix this weekend, as we see l/n on pole, verstappen p2, lando norris p3 and charles leclerc p4. merely seconds from the start of the race, it's lights out and away we go!"

you booked it from lights out, pedal to the metal when you saw the red lights go off.

max was always resilient when it came to racing, even though he had a soft spot for you (which he will never admit outloud), he still respected you enough to still think of you as a competent driver and would never give you an easy win.

max was still as aggressive as ever, always taking the chance to fight for that spot for p1. but this was your home race and you were going to die before you let max get first place easily.

lap after lap, max tried to contest the your lead, but you were smart, conserving your tyres when you didn't need them as much and pushing them to their limits when you did need them.

"we're gonna have you box together with charles," anthony had informed you through the radio, but you interjected.

"can we box when the red bull boxes? i don't want to take the chance of us losing this lead when we have it in the bag," you told anthony but he wasn't having any of it.

"just trust us, y/n. we have this. box with charles next lap, then fight for p1 again. they're going to have to eventually box too," anthony rejected your idea so you followed the team's lead and did exactly that.

charles had climbed and overtaken norris and helped you defend from max, being aggressive with max meant that he had less aggressiveness to put on you, which made it perfect for you.

"and ferrari has decided to double box against l/n's decision to keep pushing, letting max through to p1, whilst the ferrari duo now sits in p4 and p5."

lando was ahead of you, alongside george who had managed to take p3 while you boxed, but you had the advantage of heating up hard tyres and overtook him easily.

overtime, you slowly got to p3 with a double overtake with charles. him taking p4 respectively.

you didn't exactly know what happened between lando and max because you were behind lando, but at the hairpin, but they both lost control and crashed into the barrier, your eyes widened as you zoomed past the both of them, ferrari taking p1 & p2 simultaneously.

"is max okay?"

"focus on the race, y/n. he will be fine."

"no, tell me what's going on with the red bull and mclaren, did lando rear-end max?" you asked hurriedly, still trying your best to bring this race home.

"i will update you as soon as i get info," that was anthony's way of telling you to shut the fuck up and focus on the race.

your mind was racing a million miles an hour, you were worried. for once, it wasn't the two of you involved in a crash.

you brought the race home at the end, scoring a ferrari 1-2, but your mind was not there on the podium where it should be.

"dad!" you yell as you see your father in the ferrari garage after all of the celebratory processes had been gone through, tears instantly brought to your eyes, you run and almost knock him over from the force of you flying and hugging him.

"i'm so proud of you," your father held you tight and you cried into his arms, "i always believed you could, now i'm looking at the future world champion."

and that's where you finally realize, maybe you did deserve the iconic red car after all.

"i'm going to break that mclaren wing, i swear," you mutter quietly as you sit next to max who was resting on the hospital bed of the medical center, you had gone straight to visit max as you finished everything up around the paddock.

"you have anger issues—"

"i do not!" you gasped and looked at max who had a loopy smile on his face, you act as if that was a scandalous thought and scoffed. he was under some painkillers to manage the pain of whatever injuries he sustained from the crash

"you do, you always have. even when you were a rookie. i remember when you crashed into me on that quali, it was funny watching the race over and hearing you say motherfucker over the radio. you got fined for that right?" max asked, glancing at you who was on his left.

with a sigh and a huff, you reply a small 'yes' before crossing your arms in front of your chest like a child throwing a tantrum.

again, max would never admit it outloud but he considered you cute.

the door of the room opened to reveal a lando with a few of mclaren's representatives, he had a sorry look on his face but you frowned when you saw him.

you then caught yourself and was confused, what was this feeling?

protectiveness? care?

what the hell was this?

you cringe at yourself before lando gave you a raised eyebrow.

"is there a problem?" lando asked before you catch yourself another time, eyes wide and shook your head.

"sorry, made a face out loud on accident."

lando looked away from you for a split second before turning to look at max, "hey mate, i'm really sorry about crashing into you back there. it was a complete mistake on my part."

they sorted out whatever "beef" they had and that night max was cleared to go home. you had volunteered to take him back to his apartment, since it was monaco, the fia didn't have to book hotels for the both of you.

max had a gentle hand always holding yours as you walked him back to your apartments.

he had stopped in the middle of his tracks, your hands naturally disconnected, you turned to ask him if he was alright before he uttered the words out of his lips.

"what are we?"

you looked at him, almost confused. you passed it off as the meds at first.

"max, you're drugged. don't say things you don't mean," you walk a few steps to grab his hand again, but he was steadfast in his resolve. not wanting to move until you answered his question.

but you didn't know the answer to that either.

"answer the question, y/n," max said softly, he didn't want to make it seem like he was mad at you, he never was, "what are we exactly? i kiss you on the forehead to comfort you and i call you schatje but you've never reciprocated my moves, so tell me what are we?"

"schatje is a term of endearment right? what do you mean by that max?" max had always told you at schatje was something that someone would call their loved ones, you didn't bother searching it up either because he was the native dutch here, you took his word for it.

"i lied," max said quietly, his eyes were on the floor and he looked absolutely rejected.

you could never ignore the feelings that bloomed in your chest when max would sacrifice his sleep for you, the way he would wrap his arms around you, the way he would kiss your forehead with so much love in his eyes that he might break if he held in anymore.

you never realized it until now.

"so what does it mean?" you asked as you stood in front of him, trying to search for the answers in his pretty blue eyes but all you could see were the hints of disappointment and sadness.

"it means love, or baby— it doesn't matter what it means," max was frustrated now, you could tell by the way he tousled with his hair when he finished his sentence, he wanted an answer and fast.

you didn't know what to answer with.

it was undeniable that you did reciprocate his feelings but you didn't know how to word it out.

you were always bad with words.

"i don't know what to answer you with," you replied, as honest as you could get, you didn't want any misunderstandings with max. especially not now, not ever.

you guys had gotten close for a reason. he was your safe space, as you were his and you didn't want to throw it away all for a title to name the two of you.

"so you don't feel the same way? all these months of me comforting you, patiently listening and waiting for you to open up? it was all because you considered me a friend?" max asked, his grip off your hand was now slipping.

it was also a metaphor of your relationship with him breaking apart.

"i'm— i don't know max. this is all confusing to me, i've never dated anyone before and i don't know how to answer—"

"so when i kiss you, you don't feel it in your chest too? the warmth? the comfort? it's all just flat— just platonic to you?" max took a step back, it was almost he was stepping back from whatever was going on between the two of you.

"i'm not saying that—"

"let's not ruin your win tonight by arguing," max brushed past by you and continued to walk, not bothering to look back to see if you were following or not.

you weren't.

"p6, dnf, p10, p12, dnf, p18, p16, dnf— do you actually want to be a formula one driver, y/n?" fred had dropped a stack of papers of data of your past performances, you were frustrated too. you hadn't been able to get a good night's worth of sleep since monaco.

"look, i told you. i'm just having trouble with sleeping and the doctor prescribed me with pills for the insomnia too, what else do you expect from me fred?" you asked with a sigh, rubbing your temple, absolutely frustrated with your recent performance too.

"i want you to bring whatever you did in monaco, this isn't good enough for me, y/n. i can't keep defending you forever," fred had told you before leaving you with a headache and a stack of papers to analyze over.

"fucking fuck shit, stupid—" you stopped yourself as you set your elbows on the table and rubbed your face with your hands.

max...

it felt like you were stuck in a loop.

a never-ending, bad performing loop.

you didn't know what to do, you ate those sleeping pills like candy and they did nothing.

nightmares were more frequent now, having them almost everyday. the stress was slowly getting to you and you could see it in your performance.

you spent that night going over the data and simulating your races. your best tracks, worst ones and picked apart what you could do better.

every race, even your best tracks. it ended with something stupid.

understeering, oversteering, bumping into your own teammate, bumping into sim max, bumping into literally everything that wasn't supposed to be bumped into.

it was supposed to be flawless— you were supposed to be flawless.

what the fuck happened?

you knew the answer to that but didn't dare answer it for yourself.

"it's not working," you whispered to yourself as you took off the headphones and practically slammed it against the desk you were currently occupying. it was useless.

everything was fucking useless when it came to you.

your relationship with max was strained, he wouldn't even look at your direction, let alone talk with you. while him and charles were celebrating most of their podiums in the cooldown room, you were stuck here, overanalyzing whatever the fuck you did wrong.

rubbing your face with your hands again, you had barely heard someone come into the room with you with a sympathetic smile.

"it's one of those slumps, is it?" charles' voice had flowed into the room and it startled you, nearly jumping out of your own skin.

"jesus fucking christ, charles. knock," you rubbed your temples, your sleep-deprivation had earned you major migraines, they were practically permanently thumping in your skull now.

"sorry, i overheard fred talking to you earlier. then he told me that you might need a little help..." charles trailed off as he noticed the mess all over you, it was late and your flight for the next grand prix was due tomorrow morning.

"it's fine— i'm fine. i am not a child that needs to be babysat," you spat out in anger, "if he wants to get rid of me, he can. fucking coward," you growled the last part under your breath but charles was still understanding your situation.

"you know y/n, it's okay to ask for help sometimes—"

"i don't need help! i just need to sleep for once in my life," you closed your eyes, hoping for the thumping in your skull to just go away.

"are—"

"just get out."

first simulation, crash, dnf.

second, collision, dnf.

third, mistake on the curbs, p9.

fourth, spun out, dnf.

fifth, minimal mistakes, could be better, p2.

80% of your simulations ended in a crash.

"how the fuck did i do so well earlier this season? fucking shit ass car, shit ass team, shit ass driver—"

it was max.

"shut up!" you screamed out loud at your brain.

you were spiraling, it was obvious to everyone else but yourself.

being behind the wheel only a week after your kiss with the barriers had unnerved you.

was it even legal to drive an f1 car being this sleep-deprived?

you didn't want to know the answer to that.

"just focus on the race yeah? don't stress yourself out on anything else, just do your best—"

"i don't need your shitty peptalks before my race, anthony," you warned your race engineer and he didn't say anything remotely encouraging for the rest of the race.

your performance this time around was better than the rest of the races you overanalyzed a week ago.

p3.

podium.

more humans to interact with... yay.

if there was a time where you wanted to die, this was it.

max was in the cooldown room with charles.

you were dreading it.

"good job on the podium today! i knew you could do it," charles flashed you a big smile, you could only give him a small smile back.

this wasn't your peak performance, you knew it but you didn't want to say anything snappy, feeling bad for the words you yelled at him the other week.

you weren't doing good, and he knew so he always gave you some grace.

you didn't utter a word in that cooldown room, feeling lightheaded from the adrenaline and the lack of sleep.

you couldn't even feel the cold champagne on your skin when it came to podium celebrations, you were just thankful it was time to go home back to monaco when the race was over. autumn break was in full-swing and you wanted to sleep the entire break over.

THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE IM SORRY. i have been very busy :[

[rodolfoparras]

I'm just gonna (throw this here)

He didn't know why he agreed with this.

It's unsanitary. It's unethical. Brash. No strategy. Lewd.

Yet the only sounds coming out of his mouth are moans for you to go harder deep into his womb or grunts whenever you stopped to ask him if he's okay. Sure, you're a lot to take, your size is ridiculously no joke but it could reassures him that he could repopulate his species. Ever since his planet have fallen, stuck to be under command of the destroyer, he was never at peace. Now he was forced to play a game, destroying other solar systems that the group can reach.

The blood game continues, and he would be lying if he says he didn't enjoy it by a bit. Then you came in the middle of it, almost as giant as the mastermind, not to mention your story shares his where your home planet were also ruined to dust. At first he didn't like you, thinking the chances he'll win the game would lessen, that is when he heard that you entered the team just to be close to him, having no intention to win the throne.

Discussion about strategies on the battlefield to chats about their interest, somehow he ended up on your lap, bouncing on your cock like there's no tomorrow, the wet sounds of squelching is easier to recognize to the next room passerbys. How did he convinced you? Apparently, the word breeding and 'free use' works very well to spur someone like you on.

"Look how you're taking me, love— I could breed you full and you'll take it.." You cooed, thumbing over his sensitive cable by the front, your thigh is a mess of your overflowed cum in him and his juices. "Think the only purpose you gonna live now is being my breeding ground..."

He hates this. But he lives for this.

🪂

Okay but two macho monsters who aren’t actually meant to repopulate in their world, seeing as their anatomy won’t allow so but they’re desperate as ever, practically in need and the sweet thing creates a hole in his body that you can use as you please it feels strange as ever yet so good he’s even had to dress a bit different… to acquire to your tastes… but somehow he doesn’t mind it not when you’re driving up into his self made hole and gripping his ass like you own it cumming over and over till it’s spilling out yet you won’t stop fucking him

[isaidlandowecanbeworldchampion]

Sparks Fly - Lost the Breakup Part 4

A/n: I'm sorry for the long wait between chapter, I find it hard to write longform style things without jumping straight to the fun stuff and building enough tension.... But we all learn somehow so i hope you bear with me.

Previous Part || Next Part

The cool air hit your burning face as you rushed onto the balcony and began to pace in the small space. The hiss of the shower echoed from the bathroom. You ran your hands through your hair and heaved a deep breath. 

What. The. Fuck. 

Oscar is just a friend, right? So why do you feel like an electric current is running through your whole body? You slump onto the small chair occupying the space, you head resting in your hands. You need to clear your head. Standing back up, you spot the small notebook on the desk in the corner of the room. Quickly scrawling a note to Oscar. 

Gone for a walk, don’t wait up. 

–

The cool water of the shower did nothing to wash away the excitement running through Oscar's skin. He had almost done it. He’d almost kissed her. He tilts his head back and lets the water run over his face. The way she looked up at him minutes ago flashed through his mind, was she disappointed that he’d pulled away? Was she disgusted that it had even happened? Oscar’s mind races with the possibilities. 

Once he had washed his hair and relaxed from the day of travelling, he stepped out of the shower. Immediately, he realised that in his haste he had forgotten a change of clothes. 

Wrapping a fluffy hotel towel around his hips he poked his head out of the bathroom. Y/n was nowhere to be seen but he could see that a note had been written on the pad by the desk. 

He stepped out of the bathroom and quickly read the note before getting dressed into pyjama pants and laying on the couch to watch some netflix. If she wasn't going to be here when he went to sleep, she couldn't argue that he deserved the bed more. 

–

Oscar thankfully had left by the time you awoke. Now, half an hour later and sipping a coffee on the balcony, you decide to bite the bullet and text Oscar. 

Y/n:  I’m sorry if I snore 

Osc: You don’t, Don’t worry

Y/n:  Shouldn't have taken the couch though, I thought I had won it fair and square 

Osc: As I said, My mother would kill me if I let a lady sleep on the couch

Osc: Although I can’t say my back is thanking me though

Y/n:  Maybe you should come share the bed then…

You fling your phone onto the couch next to you and run your hands through your hair. Your phone buzzes and you grab it, before lowering it back down again. You stare down at it, eyes wide with nervous curiosity. It buzzes again and, your nerves suddenly overcome, you open your chat with Oscar. 

Osc: I mean if you’re offering

Osc: We’re both adults right 

– 

You are settled in bed once Oscar returns from his media duties, having grabbed dinner with his team on the way back to the hotel. 

“Hey, How was your day?” he asks  after coming through the door, placing his backpack next to the door and pulling his team polo over his head. 

Your mouth goes dry at his toned chest. You had seen him shirtless before, but he had really bulked up since joining the team. Everything was turned up, every muscle defined perfectly without Oscar looking strange or too big. 

“Y/n?” he asks again.

“Oh yeah” You answer lamely, “ I went and explored a little, I forgot that there's not really much to do around here outside of the race, but I was thinking that while you're at the track tomorrow I’d drive down to Stavelot and visit the Abbey and the Race Museum… If  you don’t mind me using the hire car that is?” 

Oscar smiled, “I got the car so you wouldn't be stuck at the hotel, it's yours to use. I’ll ask one of the guys to give me a ride to the track.” 

You nod, “Okay, it's just Lando didn't like me driving the hire cars, and he always wanted me at the track with him so I never got to go exploring” 

“You don’t have to explain.” Oscar grabbed his pyjama pants and his towel, “I’m going to have a shower, do you want to pick a movie to watch?” 

–

You burst out  a giggle when you look at Oscar. He’s sitting popped against the headboard of the hotel bed, mouthing  along with the words of the movie. You’d picked Cars for nostalgia, but watching Oscar remembering all the words to the childhood classic was more entertaining. 

Oscar looked at you, his ‘secret weapon’ ice cream bowl abandoned on the nightstand. 

“What?” He laughs with you, “I love this movie!”

“Nothing” You hum, curling up tight under the blankets, facing Oscar. Your eyelids fluttering when you realise how tired you are. 

“Goodnight, y/n” Oscar murmurs, running his hands through your hair splayed on the pillow. 

You mumble a goodnight back before drifting off to the murmur of the tv and his hands in your hair. 

–

YN LN spotted in Spa ahead of the Belgian GP. Does this mark a reunion for YN and Lando?

-

Lando grips his phone as he storms towards Oscar’s hotel room. Rage pumping through his veins. He bangs on the door with his fist, pausing before banging again. 

Oscar swings the door open, his hair mussed and wiping sleep from his eyes. 

“What the fuck is going on, mate?” He mumbles, leaning gently against the door. 

“Where the fuck is she?” Lando asks loudly, making a start into the room. Oscar gently places his hand on Lando’s chest and pushes him back into the hallway. “I know she’s here.” 

“Can you chill out?” Oscar hisses, “Yes, shes here” 

“ I-” Lando begins but Oscar puts a hand up to stop him. 

“Mate, you fucked up. You hurt her and then when she saw you in Monaco, you hurt her again.” Oscar says. “She didn’t come to see you. She came with me. Go to bed.” 

“How am I supposed to sleep when you’re fucking my girlfriend?” 

“Lando” Oscar gently places his hand on Lando’s shoulder, “ She’s not your girlfriend anymore.”

All of the emotions hit him at once and Lando found himself with tears running down his cheeks. 

“But I love her,” Lando sobs. “We can’t-, I can’t, I need her”

Oscar pulls him into a hug, Lando’s face smashing into his shoulder. 

“Goodnight, Lando.” Oscar releases the older man, “We can talk more in the morning”

The door to the hotel room clicks shut, leaving a sniffling Lando in the hallway. Oscar rested his head against the shut door. He never wanted to hurt Lando. Just like Lando hadn’t wanted to hurt you. They would talk in the morning though. 

Oscar turns and shuffles back to bed, slipping under the covers next to you. 

Taglist: @amz824 @cmleitora @herexpertcollector @piastrams @coriyaps @milkysoop

[iwishthebestforyou]

it still hurts, watching him fade away

kazuha x gn!reader // I didn't reread it before I posted it, so probably isn't that good

sypnosis: your childhood bestfriend — who you've had a BIG crush on since kindergarten is moving away soon. With the remaining time you have to be near him, you make it a mission to confess before he leaves.

angst btw

You fiddled with your pen as your teacher continues speaking about a topic you couldn't care less about, your mind on a whole different topic.

Staring at the window beside your seat, looking out at the view. It was already the end of your senior year, exams are piling up and it seems spring is coming to an end.

Your eyes left the windows view and stared at the career test on your table, the small piece of paper felt heavier than it should have. The simple questions make you feel pure dread.

Looking around the classroom, everyone was writing down their hopes, dreams and ambitions on that paper. While yours laid empty.

Sighing deeply, as the bell rang signifying the end of the class, finally. Your paper was still empty so, guess you'll turn it in tomorrow.

Walking out the classroom, you watched everyone walk by. Everything felt so fast, like time was mocking you as it flew by, the people around you seemingly adapted to the fast currents of time, while you.. you're still stuck here. Still stuck never knowing where you're gonna be..

Your deep thought process was interrupted by a tap on your shoulder, ah—

Its him. Kazuha.

The man you've grown to love for years, your childhood crush up until now. It may seem silly, but you've loved him ever since you were a child. Ever since he helped you up that day when you sprained your knee, that memory still perfectly in touch, the way he cried harder than you did despite you being the one injured.

It was meant to be right?

You smiled at him as he chuckled

" Just what are you doing here, standing around here hm? Waiting for me? "

He teased, words casual like always. He had no idea how much it affected you — you hated how he could say such words without being affected, while you were a mess just from a simple sentence.

" No way! I was just thinking... " You said, defending yourself from the accusation that he gave. You're not waiting for him!

" Thinking about what? It's not like you to be so lost in thought.. " He said, responding pretty quickly, as his face turned into one of curiosity.

Your face started to heat up.

" It's nothing.. it's just about the career thing.. that stupid test. " You said, looking at him and you felt the butterflies erupting in your stomach, God, how could he just stand there and look so.. so beautiful?

His eyes softened, nodding in understanding before looking at the window, the sun now annoyingly bright.. but he didn't seem as affected as you.

" I already filled that out. I'm moving abroad, I don't think staying in one place is my thing .. " He said a soft smile on his face and yours faltered.

Huh? He's moving?

Your breath hitched before you quickly repeated

" Abroad? " ..

" Yeah. " He said, looking at you.. but it felt like a knife was twisting in your chest.

" Oh.. good for you! " You said, forcing a smile that didn't reach your eyes.

The rest of the day passed in a blur after those words. Moving abroad?.. You felt the weight in your chest grow heavier.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about this before.. people leave, plans change and he's no different, you always knew he had bigger dreams than this small town.. He has to do what he can to get a good future, no?.. but hearing him say it so casually made it feel so.. feel so weird.

You had one month.

Your eyes lingered on him as he walked ahead, the sunlight catching his hair in a way that made your heart ache even more. You clenched your fist, a new found determination.

One month to say what you’ve been holding onto for years.

One month to say I love you.

You can do this.

As days flew by, you found yourself clinging to every moment with Kazuha. The playful teasing, the comfortable silences everything about him became a little more exciting, a little more bittersweet, knowing that by the end of this month you won't be able to see him as freely, each playful remark, each smile a silent plea for him to realize your feelings.

You tried to confess in small ways, complimenting him, subtle hints on reconnecting after graduation, but Kazuha seemed oblivious. Or maybe he just didn’t feel the same. The thought ate you alive, but there's only a few weeks left.. you cant back out!

" Are you going to the festival? "

Your friend asked, as you snapped out your thoughts and looked up at her. Nodding absentmindedly.

" Ah.. yeah. "

Your town had an annual festival, fireworks would be lit up, the whole town would be there and it would mark your last festival before you enter adulthood.

As the days continue passing by, You had gathered the courage to ask him to the festival, determined to make him yours by the end, this would be your final attempt..

Now.. it was the day of the festival.

The atmosphere was buzzing with excitement, lanterns glowing in the dusk, and the scent of street food filling the air. It was the perfect setting, almost like something out of a movie, the perfect setting to confess.

" Ah, this place is beautiful as ever.. " He complimented, looking around.

Kazuha walked beside you, seemingly carefree as always. Talking about his day, his poems.. you barely listened, heart racing thinking about what could happen tonight.

You guys took photos together, played games.. everything a couoke would do. You felt warm, really excited. Happy to be with him.

" The fireworks should start soon.. " You said, the fireworks starting soon also signifys your confession. You can do this. Your ready.

You both found a quiet spot away from the crowds, it was a secret spot you looked for weeks before the festival, just so you guys can have this moment. A high top that overlooked the town.

The countdown begun, the countdown..

5. the crowd started, as you started building up your courage..

" 4! " The townspeople screamed, your mind screaming at you to just do it already!

" 3! " No regrets this time. C'mon. Just say it.

Your eyes looked at him, face scrunching in determination.

" 2! " You can do this.

Before the final number, You stole a glance at Kazuha, his face illuminated by the flickering lights, his expression peaceful, a glint of excitement in his eyes at he stared at the sky expectedly.

Your heart pounded. This was it.

You opened your mouth, the words sitting heavy on the tip of your tongue. I love you.

Your hand trembled as you reached for his. The distance between your hands was so small, yet it felt like an ocean. But before you could close the gap, a wave of fear crashed over you.

What if telling him would change everything? What if he didn’t feel the same, and this comfortable space between you shattered? Every single moment from before up to now would be useless. No way, you can't handle that. You didn’t want to risk losing him, even if it meant never knowing.

You hesitated, fingers curling back into your palm. The words died in your throat, swallowed by the sound of the fireworks exploding in the distance.

Kazuha turned to you, smiling softly, completely unaware of the mental battle in your head,

You forced yourself to smile back, the ache in your chest growing.

The fireworks lighting up the sky and the people cheering in joy, it felt like the world was mocking you.

"Enjoying the fireworks?" he asked, his voice casual and soft, the same voice you wish you could forget right now.

You nodded, unable to trust yourself to speak, feeling something welling up in your eye, looking away from him.

The fireworks continued to light up the night sky, but you couldn’t bring yourself to watch them anymore, the moment was quiet. If maybe in different circumstances it would've been a romantic moment. But right now, you felt so far from him.

You had your chance and you let it slip away.

As the fireworks bloomed in the sky, casting their glow over the town, you felt the weight of the silence pressing harder against your chest. You’d practiced this moment in your head a hundred times, imagining the perfect scenario where you’d gather the courage to say the words.

Just 3 words.

But now, standing beside him, it felt impossible.

Kazuha leaned back, a soft smile, letting out a soft sigh. He seemed content, his eyes reflecting the colors above. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he murmured, his voice low and content.

You nodded again, still unable to speak, eyes looking away. You couldn't bare to look up at the sky. The ache that had been simmering in your chest all month— maybe years, had finally turned into a dull, throbbing pain. How could you stand here, so close to him, and still feel so far away..

Isn't he supposed to be your safe person?

Another firework exploded in the distance, removing you from your thoughts, followed by a round of cheers from the people down below. The world seemed so full of life, moving together. But here, in this quiet corner with Kazuha, all you could feel was the passing of time slipping through your fingers and the fear of what's next.

You tried to focus on the present, on the warmth of the moment, but your mind kept spinning back to the what ifs.

But each question led to another knot in your stomach, each doubt pulling you further from the idea of confessing.

As the last burst of fireworks lit up the sky, Kazuha stood up, brushing the dust off his pants. He turned to you with a soft, gentle smile—the kind that made your heart flutter and ache at the same time, he pulled you up. The touch making you feel horrible and warm.

"Thanks for today," he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. " I had a lot of fun. "

How could he just smile like that?

You managed a small smile in return, trying to ignore the tears threatening to spill over.

" Me too ."

For a moment, you stood there, staring at him, hoping maybe, just maybe.. he’d say something, say that he understands the feelings lingering between you. But he didn’t.

Instead, Kazuha gave a small wave, turning back toward the festival lights. "Let's head back. It's getting late."

As he walked ahead, your gaze followed him, the words you could never say caught in your throat. You had your chance, and you let it slip away. And now, all you could do was watch as the one person who meant the world to you disappeared into the crowd, the distance between you growing with every step, he was moving on. Just like everyone else.

He was going home and in the heat of moment you screamed at him from afar,

" Kazuha! The moon..! The moon is beautiful tonight!! "

You yelled, smiling at him with a pained look, a desperate look. Just maybe— Maybe!

He looks back at you, an unreadable expression on his face. He sighed before flashing a soft bittersweet smile and yelling back.

" I prefer the sunset. "

The tears you've been holding back all this time finally spilled, all your emotions hitting you. Sobs coming out as you looked down.

— And just like that, that marks the end of your crush on Kazuha, a crush that lasted from kindergarten to now, your eyes fixed on his figure that slowly got smaller the further he got.

A painful reminder that your no one special in his life, when in yours he was the most special one. You will fade into his memories, staying as someone in the past, never the present.

And so, you stayed there, standing alone under the empty sky, watching the flickering glow of the festival fade into the night. He was moving on, just like the sunset.

And maybe.. maybe it was time for you to do the same.

[inkblackorchid]

WIP Snippet 5 (Ch. 3)

Pulling the door open, Aki stuck her head out, looking both ways in the relatively narrow alley outside. When her eyes surveyed what little she could see of the plaza from her position, it turned out the engine she heard was indeed a familiar one. Yet, nothing could have prepared her for a chance encounter with its rider today.

Almost in the same moment as Aki finally left the building to approach her own runner, the unexpected acquaintance seemed to spot her, immediately making a beeline in her direction.

A white riding suit, a knight-like helmet, and the distinct rumble of what Yusei had once called a bastardised French engine—seeing as it had apparently been repaired with parts from several different countries over time—announced the arrival of Sherry, who came to a halt barely a metre away from Aki's runner, immediately pulling off her helmet as she turned off her engine.

"Finally, I catch one of you again," Sherry began talking without fanfare, evidently not intending to bother with a greeting.

Debating whether she even had the energy to hold a conversation with the other right now, with how high-strung she already was, Aki spoke on a sigh, "Sherry. Fancy meeting you here."

"Uhhhh, hi there?" Carly, who had closed and locked the door behind herself in between, said to the blonde, waving innocently.

Ignoring her completely, Sherry asked Aki, "Are Yusei and your other friends inside?"

"No," Aki told her quickly, "We're the only ones here, and we're not staying. We need to get going again." Perhaps her tone was a little more brusque than intended, but if there was one thing she knew about Sherry, then that she liked clear answers, that she liked them fast, and that she could get irritating if she didn't get them fast enough.

As she placed her duel disk down on her runner again, she saw Sherry looking her up and down out of the corner of her eye. "When will any of you be back?"

"We don't know," Aki told her, hoping to end the conversation as quickly as possible—and preferably without sharing the exact details of everything that was going on right now.

"Quoi? What do you mean, 'you don't know'?" Sherry asked, with an urgency in her voice that told Aki she probably wanted something from their group.

It was Carly who answered, "Well ummm... We kind of have a situation going on right now. So the boys won't be home for a while. And neither will Aki."

Now seemingly choosing to take note of the other woman's presence, Sherry looked Carly over with critical eyes. "I've seen you around here before. Who are you?" With her tone as curt and business-like as always, Sherry's question sounded less like a polite enquiry and more like a demand at a cross-examination.

Carly blinked a few times, but rather than bristling immediately, she caught herself and even managed to inject some fake cheer into her voice as she said, "Carly Nagisa, reporter at the Red-Eyes duel magazine. Nice to meet you. Properly, I mean. Sherry Leblanc, right? We've technically met before, I'm here frequently. Which you... may not have noticed, I guess."

Sherry acknowledged the introduction with barely more than a hum. Before she could ask anything further, however, Aki turned to face her fully and took it upon herself to add, "Carly is our friend and Jack's girlfriend. And she knows basically all about Iliaster, since I'm guessing that's a concern for you."

Though Sherry's eyes briefly jumped to her, with a strange mix of sharpness and curiosity in them, they were quick to come to rest on Carly again as she asked, "Atlas has a girlfriend? Wonders never cease."

[larkral]

Okay I've said this to at least one other person, but IMO there are essentially three ages of Carry On fandom, and top hits for each. I believe you received an extensive reply that I was largely centered on Age Two (post Carry On publication, pre-ATWB), and I entered fandom in Age Three (post trilogy completion(???)), so here are some of the greatest hits of age Three, if you're asking me. Apologies for how long this got. I truly think it is worth reading the full ouvres of every single one of these authors.

Restoration Ecology by @captain-aralias

Simon has never forgiven Baz for ruining his life at the start of eighth year. He’d hoped never to see Baz again. Ever. But when Baz applies for a position on the Coven, it’s impossible not to hire him. So – now, they’re working together. And as much as Simon wants to continue hating Baz, the dead spots between them are starting to heal …

-- this fic is immediately gutting and it also sticks with you. I think about it all the time.

A Light From Miles Away by @stillmadaboutpetra

On June 3rd, at the end of their seventh year, the Humdrum pulls Simon and Penelope to Lancashire. There, Simon destroys it at the cost of his own life.

On June 6th, Simon Snow appears out of a portal on the bedroom of a home in Lake Charles, Louisiana.

The World of Mages think he's dead. Except for Penelope. And Baz.

Simon isn't sure him not being dead is the best thing. Shepard says he needs to chill.

-- Mad is amazing. It took me forever to read this despite having read and loved several of his other works. READ THIS.

The Gay Bar by sconelover

Simon [22:44]: agatha Simon [22:46]: [Draft] listen, maybe i’m not actually into guys that w Someone slides into the seat next to me. I look up. I’ve never smashed the backspace key so hard.

A fic about gay bars, pizza, badly named drinks, and big… noses. (Wink wink.)

But also a fic about queerness—about coming to terms, and the bumps along the road to acceptance, and the ordeal of starting to believe you belong.

-- A description has never been more accurate.

Someone Wicked by @artsyunderstudy

Baz Pitch has spent his entire life repressing who he is and what he wants, but everyone has a breaking point. He hires an escort for a single night. One night of touches, and kisses, and pushing everything else to the back of his mind. One night to just give in. At least, that was the plan.

The problem is ... he never could have anticipated Simon Snow.

And Simon definitely didn't anticipate him.

-- A Normal AU where simon is a sex worker and he and Baz both really go through some self-growth. Ashton handles all of the subject matter with immense compassion and care.

What's Left by @cutestkilla

On Christmas Day 2015, Simon Snow didn't walk out of the White Chapel alive.

But someone else did - The Insidious Humdrum. He's not really sure what happened, but he knows that whatever it was has changed him from being the greatest threat the World of Mages has ever known to... something else.

Now the Mage is on the lam, Baz is on his aunt's sofa, and the Humdrum is trying to get by on his own in the big city.

-- I don't know if Dre was the first person to call The Insidious Humdrum Sid, but I'm pretty sure if you've heard it, she's the reason. This fic is AMAZING.

Baker Boxer Teacher Grief (Or: The thing that lasts) by @chen-chen-chen-again-chen

Baz is an English teacher who discovers that the weirdest place to fall in love with a baker / retired MMA fighter is at his father’s funeral.

Featuring: copious amounts of baking, sassy teens, cosy autumnal feels, and someone to hold your hand in the dark.

A funny love story about grief.

-- Chen is another author who will just destroy you. This story is so tender and wonderful.

Bound and Determined by @fatalfangirl

Simon feels stuck in place while everyone else is moving forward. It's been five years since his supposed magickal destiny came crashing down, and he finds himself out of work and out of an apartment. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, he gets magickally bound to a vampire hook-up.

In which Simon went through Watford without Baz, Baz got a proper vampire upbringing, and they still end up together in the end.

-- This story does something really excellent with magical lore in addition to being very emotionally rich and extremely sexy. All of which are fatalfangirl's hallmarks, IMO

Thirst Trapped by @facewithoutheart

Simon's not sure what’s more surprising about life post-Watford: that Basilton Grimm-Pitch is gay, that he’s a TakTik influencer, or that he’s grown a beard. But when Baz starts posting thirst traps, and Simon accidentally responds, the most surprising thing of all is that they become friends. Maybe even more than…

Which is fine. Completely fine. No problem at all.

So long as Baz never learns dragonfromshrek is Simon Salisbury.

(no magic, just thirst)

-- There's a secret subgenre of Carry On fandom that is just "unhinged thirst" and this falls into this camp. It's also just so utterly sweet.

5 Days, 5 Nights, All-Inclusive by RooBadley

“If you don’t meet your spouse at Watford, Penny says, you could end up alone—or going on singles tours of Magickal Britain when you’re 32.” -Rainbow Rowell, Carry On

Prepare yourself for the most magickal week of your life. Booking is now open for the Coven’s yearly 5 day, 5 night tour of Magickal Britain. You’ll soak up the rich history and intriguing secrets of the World of Mages in an intimate group of only 15-20 single Mages. Immerse yourself with the Coven’s full-time historian and guide who will make these fascinating historical sites come alive. Included in the cost of your tour will be group transportation throughout the week, 5 nights accommodation, and most meals. Fall in love with the World of Mages all over again. Join us for the experience of a lifetime. We know it’s one you’ll never forget.

Simon Snow (29, single, and working for the Coven) finds himself press-ganged into covering for the usual guide on the Coven's yearly tour of magickal Britain. All he has to do is read from the cards and make sure the same number of mages gets back on the coach as got off. Doable. Until he sees the guest list. And then it's time to sow some chaos.

-- What it sounds like, but delivers WAY more than you expect.

Good At Something by @larkral (ie yours truly)

Turns out I'm better at giving my evil roommate a blowie than I am at holding the interest of the most perfect girl in school. Which, honestly, is a bit vindicating. Come at me, prophesies: you can't pull this disaster back from the brink.

Simon Snow has lived through seven years of trials and tribulations.

His eighth year is going to be a little bit different.

-- I don't know if I'm allowed to consider my own fic a classic, but I'm going to do it. My magnum opus. And if the number of bookmarks in my stats + periodic tags I get on the discord are any measure, folks like this one. Also we need to stop being ashamed of our horny bookmarks, y'all. People know why we're here.

<3

As much as I’ve read a lot of carry on fanfic, I feel I still don’t have a sense of which, if any, fanfics in this fandom are considered well known or “classics.” Please share if you know!

[50c14lly4nx10u5]

i fucking hate going to things alone

[cranberrymoons]

.

[engelsindleuchtfeuer]

"Don't worry," Ludwig leaned in and whispered, eyes darting around conspiratorially "the reason I am here is my own fault as well. Nefarious or not, I'm not going to push you to tell me why." He, himself did not want to share his reasoning's either. Ludwig had only told one person why he came to live in Cardinal Hill, and even he didn't even know the whole truth. "Yes, you should dress up! Come on, it's the best part!" He stood up straight now, regaining a normal tone, one that was even jovial. Ludwig's face brightened up at his question "Actually, I am. I'm going as a Ghostbuster! One of my all time favorite American movies. Classic! I know it's a bit silly, but I think it's just hilarious. Even if it weren't for the lack of media back home, German's aren't very funny." He admitted. At least, other German's weren't very funny. He liked to think of himself as hilarious. Even if his jokes didn't always hit the mark. "I even made a Proton Pack myself. No actual ghost catching abilities but it looks pretty cool."

Ludwig nodded in agreement, chuckling to himself. It was still hard to believe. "It's wild, but wonderful. Did you see? On the television?" He was referring to the showing of the fall. "Extremely historic, I wish I could have been there. One of my sister's went, she had a blast.” He smiled as he recalled his phone call to his sister the following day. Not being able to see her, he could still see the grin on her face; I’m moving to Berlin, Bruder! His smile faltered but only in his eyes, not helping but come to the quick realization that it was now just his father and his littlest sister stuck in Dresden. Ludwig pushed all those thoughts aside now, smile returning as Brook mentioned being Romanian. “Yes, I can see that now!” Something about deep rooted sadness, but he didn’t dare say that out loud no matter how often he said exactly what he was thinking. “I love Romanians. One of my neighbors growing up was from Romania. Sweet old lady, Sie ruhe in Frieden. May she rest in peace.”

Eyes widening in realization, Brook replied, “Oh now I get it. That makes more sense because I was wondering where you would have grown the grapes for this wine. Plus that just seems like a really time consuming task.” Nodding, he confirmed, “Yes, that’s correct, though as a doctor myself, I don’t know where that term came from.” Brook laughed, but then he thought about it. Maybe it did make a certain kind of sense. “I guess it’s because doctors fix things, or try to at least, and that’s what you did with the wine,” he mused, smiling at Ludwig. 

By Ludwig’s tone, Brook felt like he could empathize, and he appreciate that about the man. “Yeah, it’s been challenging,” Brook remarked. “Ultimately it was my choice, and kind of my fault too.” He paused, realizing how that sounded, and Brook reassured the man, “I just mean I sort of brought it upon myself, but it was nothing nefarious or anything.” He was aware that he was making this sound worse, so Brook just pressed on, telling Ludwig, “I’m trying to make the best of it. So it’s nice to know that Halloween will feel at least somewhat familiar. I wonder if I should dress up.” Looking across the stand at the other man, Brook asked, “What about you? Are you dressing up?”

Just as he’d suspected, Ludwig was from Europe, and Brook had been thinking it might be Germany. He noticed the way Ludwig stumbled over the proper name of his country, but that made sense given the recent changes happening over there. “Isn’t it wild that so much has happened recently?” Brook asked. “It feels so historic, which I guess it is.” He liked what Ludwig said about sharing his culture, and Brook said, “I’m Romanian on my mother’s side. It would be kind of cool to share that with people, so I get what you mean.”

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[elisedonut]

fuck i'm actually going to end up enjoying Sevpercy huh

maybe in a picky I like them when they are in my head or when I do it kind of way

or in a time travel way because when it comes to Snape I like his teenage self a lot more than his adult self

[culmaer]

¶

[keeps-ache]

me after eating the salsa i spilled off the floor

[even-more-pro-fiction-jellicle]

Sucks to see the same kind of attitudes that ensured I would never be comfortable calling myself a feminist are still around

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i really do love practicing 🎻