#i didn’t go here but i guess i do now !
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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let me take it all away (wip)
#artists on tumblr#art#alien stage#alnst#mizisua#alien stage mizi#alien stage sua#fanart#my art#digital art#painting#art wip#i didn’t go here but i guess i do now !#idk if people read my tags but#recently someone was unsure if it was okay to rb my wips#my answer is absolutely yes !! please go ahead#rbs always welcome
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he’s so weird i wish men were real
redraw of a screenshot !! i’m super proud of how this turned out! really deviating from my normal art here ajdhdiahdja
#my art#tree draws#digital art#artists on tumblr#metal gear fanart#greeting mutuals. i’m not quite sure how i got here either. this is my guy now#raiden#raiden mgs#msg4#raiden fanart#known genshin and honkai player posting the wrong raiden smh#he’s in the meiverse in my heart#raiden msg4#msg4 raiden#msg4 fanart#metal gear solid fanart#i guess. i’m scared#this is A Deviation from my normal twink and or lesbian posting i’m sorry. i’m not immune to weird cyborg man#uh. i’m very shy.#i didn’t go as hard on the eyes as i usually do because i. couldn’t get the colors down. why are all of the screenshots so GODDAMN ORANGE#i know his eyes are blue but the colors of my screenshots kept fucking me up#anyways uh !!! art moment#please don’t eat me alive#i miss her (drawing oscar)#i could do that i dunno why im complaining#uhhhhh what else#i’m just a little guy#i’m so scared.#please don’t kill me <3
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Did you make the tragedy au? If so, what is it about? I think I have somewhat of a grasp on it but I would really like to read more about it and to hear your ideas and thoughts! :D
(p.s - love your art! <3)
It’s by me & @feelo-fick :))) It’s about Chilchuck finally going on vacation :>
Well..
I kid. Sort of.
It’s an au in which instead of the Winged Lion taking Marcille, it ends up settling for a panicking Chilchuck instead, to its disappointment. Basically, a Dungeon Lord Chilchuck au!
He’s separated from the party who are trying to find him, & as the dungeon changes, so does he. Despite his initial skepticism & caution, he starts to indulge in some of his addictions & dreams, such as one of a safer world, one of good cheer & little care. One in which he can relax, but also control if need be… (Is he in control?)
The others manage to catch up with the two, the golden of which plays a trick, winning Chilchuck for longer. When the party finally realize what’s happened & go back after him, several events (which I’m trying to be vague about for now) ensue…
(With lots of mythological ties, of course. Have you read the title of my blog? Have you seen the Orpheus & Eurydice things? And then there’s Dionysius. Not to mention the Minotaur…)
…All the while the hourglass winds down, things becoming progressively harder & harder to tell if they’re real or fake (the alcohol surely not helping). People aren’t just themselves anymore- Monsters are people & the reverse is true too. Whom do you trust when a face is shared? Whom do you trust when you become worse?
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Sorry for how vague this got; I’m not sure how much to share just yet. We like keeping things ‘oooooOoo so mysterious’ for funsies but also want people to Know The Stuff, which gets complicated lol. There is a lot that we have for this au though, & those “events” I mentioned we’re very normal about, so things relating to & about that pop up in our posts about it all the time. So… There’s that, have fun.
(Also thank you so much!! :)))))))) )
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OH ALSO it’s chilaios this is an au with chilaios I forgot to say!! It plays. Their relationship plays. A rather nice chunk of it. It’s not what it’s abboutttt exactly but yeah plays a big part those two’s uhh.. Interactions. And it stabs my heart :) I love them. May they bleed terribly. So very terribly <3
#ask#tragedy au#:))))))))))))))))))) oh my gosh tragedy au ask…. oh my gosh#dude I can’t wait to post more I need to push myself to post the stuff there is dude there are several animatics & lots and lots of art#and more#gahhhhhhhh#normal normal I’m normal#Dude there is SO. MUCH.!#I promise it’s way more detailed & thought out than described here it’s just those reasons I mentioned & stuff#& also the timeline is slightly messy because we technically haven’t cleaned that up just yet#it’s still understandable but yknow. Not enough. Not quite enough. So many details to clean.. so many details existing..#there’s so much…….#houghhhhhhhh time to finish that au drawing I started a while ago guess what I finally found my Apple Pencil again isn’t that great!! Now I#can do stuff not with my finger on on paper again!#no offense to paper I like paper but it’s not the same#anyway.#thanks for the ask I am so ill#First au ask let’s go yippee hehe :]#Hwpughhhhh hwough ok back to lying in a ditch full of blood#chilaios#<- I GUESS#(As if I didn’t just type about that)
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presented without comment
(chapters 280 + 344)
#unordinary#unordinary webtoon#cw blood#i fucking lied i have so many comments#FIRST AND FOREMOST. i originally had the images in the opposite order (meaning john’s on the left and rei’s on the right)#when i was drafting this post. but then i was like. ‘oh i should put them in chapter/chronological order instead’ and it oh my god#uru you bastard that’s so much worse#(and then ofc i had to rewrite my tags accordingly)#but anyways#like literally almost everything about these scenes is mirrored/opposite#obviously they are facing different directions (and thus. each other)#they are also looking at different places in the second panel - rei is looking up and john is looking down#rei is looking up directly at kuyo. yes. but his raised head also makes him look a bit defiant. his kind of smirk also adds to that feel#he’s obviously not… happy. he’s been through a lot (is literally about to die) but his spirit remains.#there’s still light in his eyes. hope.#and he still finds the time to tell kuyo to call it quits and give him well wishes#then we have john’s half which is. ough.#and uhh cw suicidal ideation from this point on i guess?#looking down! no light in his eyes! defeated and dragging himself to the finish line!#alone.#he’s still fighting but he’s TIRED. absolutely nothing to look forward to here.#keep going because there’s no turning back now#he is doing this for the people he’s already lost (jane william sera). not for people who are here now (blyke remi isen)#rei didn’t go into this thinking he would die but ended up choosing to sacrifice himself anyways#john went in with the intention of sacrificing himself and survived anyways#i could be reading too far into it but i think you can kind of see that in their expressions in the first image set#rei looks like he’s realizing he’s about to die but john just looks like he’s fighting#he’s already made his choice#that’s about all i got (and i’m at the tag limit) so.#to everybody who hated my john-william comparison post this one’s for YOU 🫵
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Loudest Silence
YA contemporary
a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida
and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her
bi & aroace-coded MCs
#The Loudest Silence#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#hm this was okay! it’s a sweet and light YA contemporary focusing on friendship and disability.#It’s a little cheesy; and I liked the immediate easy friendship (well; after a few false starts) and how welcoming Hayden's#friend group/family were. I like how they all jumped to learning/practicing ASL.#I liked how Casey was dealing with her newfound Deafness with a lot of positivity - the main frustrations being how other people treat her#but there’s also the underlying isolation and grief. At the same time it didn't go as deep as it could have with that?#The friendship is central to the story - but honestly I feel like Casey and Hayden’s relationship doesn’t develop past ‘they’re friends now#[continues other subplots] - it ends up being a bit telling not showing their friendship. And then she gets a love interest.#I feel like if you’re centering your book on being a platonic love story - rare in YA! - giving one a love interest kinda goes against#what’s supposed to be unique about it? Like it wasn’t overwhelming and I thought it was sweet actually; I just didn’t come here for that.#I always find it a little odd when YA contemporary books don’t explicitly name their aroace characters as aroace -#obviously I prefer an exploration of experiences to just using the word and nothing else; but in this genre; why not both?#considering various other identity labels are used and discussed there were various points where it felt like it was walking circles#around where it would be obvious to say “no I’m aroace” lmao?#And there’s a point where Casey mentions seeing an ace sticker on his guitar - the only reason it wasn’t an aroace sticker is bc#that would have ruined the minor subplot of her assuming he’s gay/dating his other friend. It felt like a slightly odd way to mention it?#but also I guess I appreciate it being evident throughout but also being a non-issue plot wise - while there’s a couple of moments#of people making romantic assumptions about them;for the most part it’s just treated normally for a boy & girl to be friends (as it should!#It does get points for mentioning people watching by conan grey LMAO (not that it really explores him feeling that way specifically;#but I mean same lol)#Overall plot-wise - there were kind of a lot of things going on and it petered out a bit? I wanted some more depth in some areas.#Also I feel like some of the references seemed out of date for current teens haha.#i do love the love for unusual pets (hairless cat and iguana)#aroace books#bisexual books
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#because I didn’t really like the pov of the first one but I don’t know where the second one should go so if you just. put em together#boom problem solved#poll#poll time#tumblr polls#my polls#polls#writing#writing poll#writing ideas#writing woes#writing stuff#please help#idk if I should. I might but Should I#I made a whole backstory for this character and then added a second backstory and I like that one way better so maybe I should just#get rid of the first one#like it wasn’t bad I guess but not what I’m looking for here#vanilla extract#please actually answer though I do genuinely want feedback#I mean I guess it’d be hard without context. uhh#originally 1 was a vr thing where the mc played games n stuff that surrounded her villain vr character#2 is just the vague idea of ‘hey what if someone died and was reincarnated as a system?’ but nothing more#the combo I’m thinking of will kinda be somewhere along the lines of Mc being the new system and the story surrounds the hero/villain stuff#with like gods and stuff being annoying assholes but at least having cool ideas sometimes#that’s all you’re getting for now though 😤 /lh
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Well I haven’t made one of these in a while, but it seems like we’re back to it
*sigh* okay, so basically, here’s what’s going on with my life right now
So I finished up my current semester of college this week. I was on academic probation this semester due to my poor grades the semester before, and to fix this, I needed to: get my GPA up above a 2.0 once more, take a mandatory workshop during the semester, and have at least one meeting with my academic advisor throughout the semester. Once I did all that, or at least finished all the meetings, I would have my hold of my account removed and I could register for my next semester’s classes
But here’s the thing. I did the first two, I’ve gotten pretty good grades this semester, As and Bs in my classes (even if grades aren’t finalized yet, I highly doubt that it’ll change from that from when I saw them before finals). But I never met with my academic advisor throughout the entire semester. So I still have that hold on my account. And the semester’s over, so I don’t know what that means for me going forward
I tried looking for what would happen if I miss those meetings, and right now I’m not sure, but what I do know is “failure to meet the requirements of academic probation can result in suspension or dismissal from the university”. And so now I’m terrified that because I missed those meetings, I won’t be able to return next semester
But specifically what makes it so bad is that I had fully intended to come back next semester, I was not preparing for not being able to go back this semester. And worst of all, I told my parents that I had everything sorted out for next semester when they picked me up a couple days ago, I just had a hold on my registration because I hadn’t met with my advisor yet. Which isn’t untrue, but what I failed to mention to them is that I was supposed to do these meetings during the semester, not after, and that I was required to do them. So if I were to tell them the truth, they’d know I’d have lied to them
I know for a fact that the worst thing I do in their eyes is when I have a problem, but then I hide it from them and lie to them about it, saying everything’s fine when it isn’t, and only revealing the truth at the last second, meaning they have to scramble to try and get everything fixed. This is literally the main problem I had with them the last semester and two, and why my last couple days of summer felt horrible because I hadn’t applied for my loan this last semester yet and I had found out that day when they asked that the place I had been getting loans from was no longer doing them
It was supposed to be different this semester, I was supposed to not fuck it up. And yet I’m doing the same thing I did before, I haven’t learned my lesson at all. And when they find out, they won’t let me go back, I’m sure of it. They didn’t really want me going back to college this semester either, because of all that had happened prior, so this new wrench in everything might just be what makes them fully say I’m not going back
And by the way, not a lot of this is hyperbole, at least not that last paragraph. A number of these things they did say to me. They’ve said verbatim that the problem is that I lie and hide things, and that I do it over and over again. I’m not just making stuff up, I know it’s what they’d say because they have before
I want to go back, I like it there. My best friend goes there, and quite frankly, I feel like I need her in my life more than anyone else. And I may not talk to a lot of people, at least not as much as I should, but I enjoy being around other people and at least getting the chance to talk to them. I like taking walks around campus, I like being able to go to the store and buy whatever I want whenever I want. I like being a person here and not stuck in my room, stuck with the same three people and basically only doing things when I’m told I have to. I just can’t take online school, I go mad now staying 4 months here in the summer
And what makes it even worse is that this whole situation was so avoidable. It really would have been no problem to just schedule appointments with my advisor, it would be so easy. The other things were probably the more difficult things to accomplish in all honesty. But I genuinely forgot about them until Thanksgiving, and I just couldn’t be bothered after that, because the entire semester whenever I did remember it, I thought, “I’ll have time to make that appointment eventually”, up until now when I don’t. It’s all my fault this is happening because I was so lazy I never bothered to do it. There’s no one to blame but myself for all this
I sent an e-mail to the account I think I’m supposed to send it to about my probation, explaining the issue of missing my meetings. They don’t respond on weekends, so I have to wait until Monday to get a response because I sent that email at 11 PM on Friday. So I’ve at least started to work it out
And a part of me recognizes that maybe I’m just overblowing things in my head; again, this was probably the least important thing I needed to do, especially since we were supposed to meet with our advisors to work on improving our grades, and I’ve done that all on my own this semester. So maybe it really won’t be that bad, and everything will work out
But I’m terrified it won’t, that I’ll have thrown everything down the drain for something so small, and that I’ll be found out and have to deal with last summer all over again. It was supposed to be different this break, I could finally rest from everything, and literally my own mistakes have brought it all down
I feel like it’s been eating me alive these past two days, especially at night when my brain thinks more about it. But I can’t tell anyone, since my brother won’t really understand, and I’ve already listed why I can’t tell my parents. And it just makes it worse, because I have to be alone in this lie. There’s no one to tell, to assure me things will be fine, there’s only me. Which is probably why I’m posting it here, at least you people aren’t part of my real life to make me feel worse
I don’t know if I can keep it up for another day or two. My dad hasn’t come and asked me about the situation today, but I feel like he will tomorrow, especially if we go out tomorrow, which I assume will happen since we didn’t today. And by the way, I’m a pretty bad liar and I crack under pressure, so “keeping it up” means literally avoiding my parents whenever possible. I have the trick of staying under my blanket when they come over to my door, because I’ve somehow confused them into believing I was asleep/taking a nap, but I won’t always be listening in and prepared to use it at a moment’s notice, they can creep up on me. Or again, if we go out, it will be something my dad asks about. My parents don’t really like to ask me about normal non school/stress related things unless they think I’m in the clear. Which at this point is less frequent and they already have something to question me on. And I know I’ll just bury myself further and get them more mad if things don’t work out, but I can’t take them being mad at me either and causing them more problems, especially since I’ve already been lying about the situation, just not as much as I would be if I lie tomorrow as well
Why did I have to do this, why do I have to be such a horrible person? Why couldn’t I have just done this before, there would be no problem otherwise
#and to add yet another thing I didn’t get anyone Christmas presents yet either#I mean I got my brother one thing that he asked me for but it was also like $5 and something you could buy any day#and I have an income now and was planning on buying them things#but I didn’t so yet more salt in the wound from me#especially since I can’t drive to go out and get things myself#I know it’s not really related to everything else I mentioned above#but it’s more of me being a horrible lazy person and just causing problems by my inaction#especially when I had time I was just too lazy to do it#why do I have to be so horrible?#real life stuff#school stuff#long post#I guess?#I don’t remember what I used to tag these anymore#it’s funny because a couple weeks ago I was thinking about how I hadn’t made one of these in a long time#and how I haven’t cried myself to sleep this semester unlike the last two semesters and breaks#I haven’t done the latter yet but here I am doing the former#*sigh*
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how the fuck is it already november 25th?!!?!!?
(time is so fucked up)
anyway, happy one year anniversary to my fic “if only there was more time” and posting on ao3 for the first time!
sincerely can’t believe that i’ve been writing for a year, how did that happen???
#i still can’t believe i decided to post anything at all#i remember wanting to keep fic writing to myself#but right after clicking post on ch 1 i went to my roommates and was like#guess what i just did!!!!#i didn’t even know i liked creative writing until this fic#but i feel so incredibly happy that i found this hobby#it helped me in so many ways#it got me out of the cave#i got my creative spark back that i foolishly thought i lost#this is the largest writing project i've ever worked on#i had no idea what i was doing at any point#the idea just needed to get out and i tried my best#is it completely accurate to the characters? probably not but who’s to say?#i like to think i have some idea now but i can never really be sure#i sincerely love this fic despite its flaws it'll always hold a special place in my heart#also still can’t believe that ppl actually liked it and left such nice comments!! that's actually crazy!!#like i’ll never get over that it still doesn’t feel real#here i am now with 6 works and 227k words in total written#that is so fucking much i have no idea how i did that#and how the fuck did i write this fic in less than 6 months??? where did that drive go???#anyways shout out to my followers that are here bc of this fic#i love you more than anything <3#and to the few that have read the entire series: i will write the last installment one day!!#i will not leave it unfinished!!
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I want to shake it off.mp3 but alas I’m tired and on the verge of tears
#long story short I’ve chosen a different path in my recovery and I was laughed and mocked#by someone#and I feel so confident in my choice and didn’t let it get to me and did so much self talk and spoke to therapist and friends that backed me#but I’m here now at night feeling like crying and I guess I might have to let myself#I’ve been doing so well mentally so this is a setback? I guess even though it started with being mistreated#ok I’m going#personal
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re: my last tag on my last post
#didn’t want to go all deep and whatever on that post bc idk whatever. i have my reasons i think#anyway#it really is odd to me that i might be memorable to people who i’ve never even interacted with directly#like people can just see me around campus and my face becomes even somewhat recognizable to them#it’s such an odd but cool feeling#bc growing up i was very much someone who just wanted to blend in more than anything#i didn’t want to do anything that would make me stand out in the slightest#i wanted to be as boring and unmemorable and regular as possible (at least in regard to my appearance; personality wise i was very much a-#-weird girl)#and i guess at some point in high school my mentality shifted and i wanted people to see me and think i’m cool or attractive or whatever#i wanted people to look at me and actually Think something of me#and now it’s not really something i actively try to do#it’s more of a ‘do i think i look good? do i like how i look? do i feel good? good’ and i go out like that#so it’s like. startling but also kinda really cool to have people actually remembering my face and thinking i’m cool or pretty or talented#or smart. or all of the above (preferably lol bc they’re all accurate ehehe)#even if they don’t automatically know how they recognize me#like. i’m here! i can be seen! and when i come face to face with these people who i’ve never seen before but who think i’m familiar#i can just casually chat with them and joke around and have fun#i can’t remember their names quite right. but they compliment my makeup or my shirt and an hour later i’m jokingly blowing kisses at them#idk it’s weird to think about how much i’ve changed as a person bc even four years ago this would’ve been like. unthinkable behavior#and now it just comes naturally i guess#(though the alcohol certainly helps i’m sure haha)#anyway i’m just proud of how far i’ve come both socially and in terms of my own self confidence and outgoingness#and my willingness to just be seen!!!
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Actually obsessed with my new coworker at the farm ajdkalsl
#not snz#apparently he's some sort of cook for a living#idk what he does i just know he works in a kitchen#but this isn't like a career move or anything for him#he's super secretive about his job for some reason?? like damn how bad is it lmao#he didn’t even tell us what he does i just managed to clock him#he's been here for like a week now and I've been going in extra days bc my boss is on vacation and someone needs to train him#kinda quiet the first couple days and didn’t really talk until you said something to him first unless he had a question#and then i said fuck like five times in the same sentence and now he talks a lot lmao#swearing like a sailor gang unite i guess#anyway i tried to hand him off to another coworker so i could go play vet for a few of our animals#but he wanted to come and i was like 😬#bc one of the animals has a nasty infected wound that needs hella care#and I'm the one who does it bc it makes everyone else sick and/or faint#and i go 'oh no it's okay i can do it it's kinda gross' and I'm telling him Why and everything#dude looks me in the face he's like 'i work in a kitchen'#I'm like bro respectfully i think this is a bit different from raw meat#and he proceeds to tell me that he watched someone cut part of their finger off???????#like wtf is going on in restaurants#so i was too floored by that response to say shit so he came with me#and to his credit he was very good with all the medical stuff like I'll give him that#he's just so deadpan about everything and it's so funny to me#also he can do a handstand for over a minute#like a few of us were sitting in the office vibing and trying to bond and he just drops that then did it like??#i know so much about this man and yet i know nothing about him#so yeah workhas been fun lately lmao
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So I was feeling kinda depressed since my blog kinda dies when I’m focusing on my health and irl life, and character development, writing and art takes a lot of time to create something impressive and coherent.
so since I need notes for my blog to stay alive while I work on stuff i thought I’d make a cool sans au to show everyone on tumblr so I get thousands of notes and really cool fanart and get featured in tiktoks and stuff with my character.
Since this is all it takes to become famous in the undertale fandom I thought I’d just throw away all the research I’m doing and just go with what works yanno?
😳 maybe I’ll draw horny art of him next, that’ll reel in the notes.
#I wonder if you can tell that I made him up in less than five minutes#I’m a creative genius I know#give me an Oscar#This is mostly hj I’m just kinda frustrated by the on going trend of “overly complicated character design with little thought put into it-#Gets more attention than anyone else’s complex well thought out character”#I see so many amazing talented people on tumblr with the coolest characters and the coolest ideas and art that get so much less traction#than people who just like got famous after drawing one character in 2016 and now they have thousands of followers#I know tumblr has no algorithm but I admittedly get kinda sick of the apparent favouritism in the fandom. But maybe that’s just how it is#I guess if you post frequently enough you rule the world.#quality takes time#I wish I didn’t feel like I need to post art multiple times a week despite not having the time todo so#just so people will see my content and I’ll grow as a blog#i’ll never be good enough#no matter what I do#because I can’t draw as frequently and post with the tags people see the most#I try todo tumblr casually but it hurts because people won’t see me and get invested in my ideas because my ideas take time#I can’t get famous without posting I can’t post something that’ll be good enough if I don’t put the effort into it#I don’t know sometimes I feel isolated on here#everyone else has everything figured out.
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okay so labour won big why am I actually fucking terrified seeing the reform numbers
#well!! we’re going even further right i fucking guess#these are two leave voting labour seats but still that’s kinda terrifying#the tories yes were right but they weren’t all super far right and they had to at least kinda pretend to care about things#if they DO get these 13 seats that’s gonna change so much and probably push the tories even further right anyway because that’s WHY they los#they’re saying it rn! not conservative enough!#with any kind of luck the party implodes within 4 years but I don’t think that’s likely#I kinda didn’t think about how bad this would be#but yeah we have a far right doing really fucking well now and they’re gonna be in second place in a Lot of places#I’m gonna sleep soon I don’t think I can stomach staying up much later tonight#hopefully there’ll be some good news abt the greens or lib dems doing a bit better#praying we get 4 green seats#also man genuinely fuck the House of Lords but it is nice to see someone who’s not insane and just campaigning as the labour guy on bbc#praying he’s right abt reform being mostly protest votes#the reform deputy leader is. one of the most annoying people I have heard though#labour better do what they fucking promised here bc if they don’t we’re all screwed#anyway! maybe this is a sign to move to bristol. or just. move. but we are also late to the far right party party so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#luke.txt#I’m not gonna sleep properly tonight but so be it
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Yesterday I was musing about how I haven’t really had a bad nightmare since I went on SSRIs and then I proceeded to have a full blown night terror
#it was so so bad on so many levels#in the first part of my dream i had ordered edibles and shroom powder to be sent to my house (not surprising; i would do this)#and they got delivered by a man who looked completely judgemental of me#but i didn’t care because there was a hot woman there who made me shroom tea#it tasted terrible but i drank it all anyway. and had a weed gummie. and she had a ‘weed patch’ as well that she was trying to get me to put#on my stomach. but i was worried it’d be too potent#since my actual body was sober; i didn’t feel any of the effects of this drug within the dream (obviously) but i was operating under the#assumption they were going to kick in so i was really anxious#then this woman was going through my stuff and she found dead bodies?? like dessicated bodies of multiple people#and i was like ‘i don’t know who the hell that is. i guess they belong to whoever lived here before’#we weren’t in my actual house; we were in like a massive old four-storey house with an attic which i think was where the bodies were#in the dream this was MY house#then for whatever reason i went on a trip with this person i used to be friends with to her childhood home#which was suddenly in a really creepy neighbourhood#she suddenly had a sister who was maybe 11 years old and catatonic due to being demonically possessed. and this kid seemed to be the head#of a cult basically. she had something called the ‘angel guard’ under her thrall. and when i asked what the angel guard were#my friend was just casually like ‘oh they bury you alive’ WHAT?????#then someone unpeeled the weed patch and smacked it on me and i woke up just as i was about to be buried alive#i think there was more to it than this. there was also a creepy woman but i can’t remember the significance of her#it was just such an unnecessarily scary dream. i woke up at like 6am TERRIFIED#i haven’t had a nightmare in so long lol i’m unequipped to cope. especially since my dreams have gotten so much more vivid#now that i’m medicated. i feel like i’m fine with the vivid dreams most of the time but when they’re this bad.. no#personal
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I’ve been having a rough few days, but I’ve been feeling a bit better so I decided to make some lil thingies for some spiraling upwards kitties :3
#keese draws#warrior cats oc#spiraling upwards#I’ve posted art of ratstar and pigeonbillow before but the other three I haven’t I think#but yeah these are some more of the minkclan founders#and by that I mean two of them are and one of them was a kitten at the time#lightning is haveniris’ mom but she didn’t trust herself to raise him so her clanmates sort of collectively raised him#and by that I mean mostly pigeon and two other old ppl that aren’t included here#light did end up opening up to him more and acting as more of a mom after he chose to become a medic tho#the two have a complicated relationship for sure but they still care abt each other a lot#oh yeah and literally all of these guys are dead by the time murtle rolls around except for haven#pigeon died about two years before the other two and raincinder has been dead since before minkclan was properly founded#which is unsurprising given she’s such an old withering woman#she mostly made it that long because she was given a guide sponsor life#so long story short not all starclan cats actually get to use the cool starclan powers and those who do are usually ‘sponsored’ with an#extra life and a cool star like marking#this isn’t a well known thing tho and even within starclan only higher ranking cats rly know anything beyond knowing that every now and#then new guides are chosen#now usually what’s supposed to happen is that the sponsored cat has a close eye kept on them and if they are deemed worthy they’re allowed#to keep their mark and become a guide once they die the second time#the main flaw in this system is that the cat who sponsored them has to be the one to revoke it#so if they refuse to revoke it for whatever reason there’s not much that can be done about it#or in raincinder’s case her sponsor ended up fading before they could judge her fully#so even though by all means even the most rebel friendly guides would revoke it easily she managed to keep her mark til death#this was ofc largely helped by her living til 19 fucking years dear god woman#but hey I guess it means minkclan gets a guide even though she’s a rly shitty one#rly that mostly only matters for the sake of nine lives and the sake of travel between starclan and the living territories#which actually does cause a lot of problems when all the guides decide to go haunt a child instead#oh also guides also pass on their mark to leaders who’s life ceremony they hosted#not the guide role tho each guide gets a new mark
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