#anyway i’m just proud of how far i’ve come both socially and in terms of my own self confidence and outgoingness

[digitaldiseas3]

re: my last tag on my last post

[thefilmbay]

The Behind the Scenes of the Behind the Scenes

So I’m finally in my 3rd and final year of university. For this final year myself and peers have been given the assignment of a major project which is an exhibition to display our achievements over the past years. I will be honest when I first saw this assignment I was terrified for so many reasons, one being I had no clue where to even begin but with that in mind I was still so excited at the same time. This isn’t like anything I have ever done before. Although I know we have the skills together as a class to do it, it was still a daunting project. 

From the get go I tried to work out what my strengths are and what my weaknesses would be. I wanted to ensure for myself and my peers that I would be able to excel in the jobs I was assigned. I knew that if it was something that would allow me to be creative it would be the perfect job as I am a Dreamer I thrive in using my imagination and creating things, but that does also mean that when it comes to being organised is sort of a no go for me so management is definitely no the job for me. After our 2nd meeting it was decided that I’d be majoring/managing the promotions alongside another one of my peers. Yes I know I’ve already mentioned management wasn’t a good fit for me but in this sense it worked as the management team told us our tasks and we just cracked on and did them. 

So before we made any step in the curation side of our project our class needed to decide a theme. Although it was a task that affected everything we created, it came around weirdly fast. As a unit we understood quickly that we thrive in being unique and camp which is why our theme became focused on ‘studying the screen’ although that is definitely not our final title (needs a little comedy) it explained everything we needed it to. The idea of ‘studying the screen’ encapsulates all the areas we have studied and all the films we have watched. From ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ to ‘It Happened One Night’ over the last 3 years there has been something for everyone to enjoy.

As for what I wanted to show in terms of my film identity, that is still something I don’t know. I knew I wanted to include my work on screenwriting as it is an area within the course I was so proud of. Other than my screenwriting I am still at a loss of what to use but thankfully alongside the theme of ‘studying the screen’ we also decided to have a high school theme using the cringy yearbook photos and quotes. Having this added theme and style it has given me more ideas of how I want to represent myself. Academically I’m not the best and I’m not ashamed to admit that. For that exact reason I want to express some of that work as a demonstration of my progress in the same ways I did during my high school years. It has gone full circle. 

So onto the major project itself my main focuses so far have been creating a logo that would be used for the website and the social media and basically any form of promotion we used. As a group we decided to make something that looks like a school logo. Something sweet and simple but eye-catching in a way. So that’s what I created (as seen below) . I knew I wanted to represent our University and I knew I had to incorporate cinema in some way. That is why I chose to add a film reel in the background to both break up the logo but also to add a small insight to what we are about. All in all what I designed after some trial and error has finally been finished and approved by everyone in our class and as a little tip for anyone who's gonna design a logo, colours are your enemy seriously, that's what took the longest to agree on. 

Anyways, the progress so far. There is so much more to come and I know that's gonna be an understatement but in the meantime everything is going smoothly. 

Wish us luck!

[chorusfm]

Hunter and Wolfe – “Famous Friends” (Video Premiere)

Today is a great day to share the latest single and music video from indie rock duo, Hunter & Wolfe, called “Famous Friends.” The song comes from their forthcoming LP I Deserve This, out everywhere music is sold this Summer, and showcases their vibrant contributions to the indie rock genre. The band shared, “‘Famous Friends’ is about mixed emotions, that awkward middle ground between happiness for, and envy of, the successes of others. We fight the urge to measure ourselves against others – especially when our social media are flooded with their accomplishments and good times. Ultimately, ‘Famous Friends’ is about coming to terms with those mixed emotions and arriving at self-acceptance.” I was also able to catch up with the band for a brief interview below. Who are some of your musical influences? Do you both find that you have different influences or are they similar? How do you combine the influences that are different? Michael Maffei: Elliott Smith is my biggest influence, full stop; there’s a piece of him in every song I write. While making this record, I had The National, Dijon, Phoebe Bridgers, Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam’s collab, and The Strokes’ Is This It in heavy rotation too.  Sundeep Kapur: I’d say Michael gravitates more towards the singer-songwriter types, which makes sense because he’s writing the lyrics. I’m more influenced by people that can take a song and add meaningful parts to it. Speaking as a guitar player, I think David Gilmour is one of the best at this. But I’ve also really been into synths lately, so there’s some pop dance music influence in this record (maybe even some K-Pop…). As different as our influences can be, we’ve worked together for so long that we’ve developed similar intuition on what is or isn’t working for a song. The songs are strong enough that they could be released as just “vocal + acoustic guitar” arrangements, so anything additional has to really elevate the track. When we disagree on something, it goes back to the drawing board until we’re both happy with it. Can you tell us a little bit more about the lyrical inspiration for “Famous Friends”? Is there a specific story behind the track? MM: I wouldn’t attribute “Famous Friends” to any one story, more a confluence of events. Some talented folks in my life started to see some well-deserved success, meanwhile I was struggling to finish writing a single song. This song is an examination of my mixed feelings of happiness and jealousy. There’s a self-awareness that life isn’t a zero-sum game (“cross your arms and even rising tides will pull you down”), but it can be difficult to see that when those around you achieve your goals before you do. Ultimately, I’d like to remind folks that the successes of others are not your failures – do your best, do things for yourself, and you’ve succeeded.  What are you most excited for with the release of I deserve this.? Can we expect any music videos or shows in the near future? SK: I’m really proud of all of our past releases but I think this one really exemplifies our sound and songwriting ability. We put a high bar on anything that was committed to tape and I think it resulted in a great record. I really hope y’all love it. Or at least lie to us and say you do anyway.  MM: I am legitimately excited by every track on this record; it is by far the best we’ve ever made. As for videos, we have what I might call a “lyric video on steroids” for “Famous Friends,” and a “proper” music video coming for our next single. We’re discussing a release show in the NYC area and some supporting shows thereafter – nothing firm, but details to come! I’d also like to give a shoutout to the team – Asher Kurtz, Anders Kapur, Sean Mullins, Jeremy Nakamura, Shae Broussard, Aymann Ismail, and Rocky Gallo – for helping this record meet its potential. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/hunter-and-wolfe-famous-friends-video-premiere/

[bonnyskies]

deadly agenda ⇢ myg

min yoongi is a dangerous man. you’re a manipulative wife. together, you two are a deadly duo, and you both have your own agenda.

pairing — emperor!yoongi x wife!malereader ft. king-husband!taehyung

genres — angst, sexual themes, royalty!au, strangers-to-lovers!au

warnings — age-gap (reader is 20, yoongi is 28), swearing, degrading terms, mentions of death, feminization, descriptions of murder, sexual themes, infidelity, betrayal, slight voyeurism, yoongi is intimidating and reader is manipulative, basically they’re just plain evil

author’s note — i hate tumblr’s new update. i had more to write (not enough for a part two) but couldn’t because of the new 250 text box rule. but as for this story, this is probably the longest one i’ve written so far and the one i’m most proud of. anyway, hope you all enjoy and sorry for taking so long to upload this, took lots of planning and rewriting, plus i’ve been busy with school too.

word count — 7.4k

masterlist

Min Yoongi is a cautious, yet observant man.

Whoever steps foot in his palace, he makes sure to know everything about them. Who they are, they’re background, appearance, and how they approach him. Each and every thing can help him learn who he can trust, and who he cannot, who are his allies—and who are his enemies.

Yoongi stood by his palace’s entrance, accompanied with his guards and greeted his special guests, one by one as they walked up his home’s grand steps. He makes sure to take notes on each and every person’s facial expression, their appearance, chosen attire, and the certain way they walk up to him.

Anything could benefit him into knowing them. Their wealth and clan can be identified based on their specific appearance and choice of clothing. Their facial expressions help him learn what their true feelings and intentions are towards him that are hidden by their fake smiles and words. And lastly, the way they walk up to him can help him know the type of personality they have, whether that be obedient and innocent, or arrogant and untrustworthy.

The way he learns about his guests have never failed him. That was, until he met you.

Yoongi would be lying if he said he wasn’t astonished when his eyes laid on you for the first time. There were many things that left him utterly speechless when meeting you. For one, when his advisor told him that his guest would be bringing his wife, he was expecting a woman—not a man.

Another thing that left Yoongi speechless was your appearance, mostly your attire. You were dressed in feminine-like clothing, silk robes that were decorated with gold jewelry instead of fine material clothing with armor plating like what many men of royalty wear. And you also didn’t hold a blade like most men do too. Instead, you held a simple wooden decorative fan.

And lastly, your eyes.

Yoongi has a remarkable judge of character. Maybe not as good when it came to you, but still adequate. On the outside, your eyes were shining with gentleness and a kind greeting. But he could tell there was something else hidden behind them—something that left him intrigued by you.

You had an agenda—plans, and Yoongi was determined to find out what they are.

The welcoming feast was extremely dull.

Yoongi absorbed gallons of wine into his system, hoping that would help numb his mind and get through the rest of the evening without having to tear somebody’s head off from their body.

And apparently you thought the same as he did. Across the table, Yoongi watched as you fanned yourself out of boredom while everyone else were socializing with one another, an unamused facial expression shown on your face. Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle behind his glass when seeing one of the other wives say something to you and you flashed her a quick smile before dropping it back down into a straight line.

It seems his attention on you didn’t go unnotice because next thing he knew, your eyes were now on him. Yoongi was expecting hints of disgust or uncomfort from you, but instead he was met with sly smirk and a raised brow.

Yoongi watches intently as you leaned over and whispered into your husband’s ear. Your husband—Kim Taehyung then stood up from his seat and bowed his head, “Excuse me, your Majesty.”

Yoongi turned his head towards your husband, diverting his attention completely away from you.

“My wife is not feeling well at the moment, so with your permission, would it be alright if he can take his leave from the feast early?”

The entire dining hall fell silent, shocked expressions plastered on everyone’s faces at the table.

Nobody has ever dared to leave one of Min Yoongi’s feasts before. Who would want to, right? It’s considered a great honor for one self and their kingdom to be invited by the Emperor himself to attend one of his events.

Whispers began to spread amongst the guests.

“How shameless is Kim Taehyung’s wife?”

“Wanting to leave the Emperor’s feast early? Utterly shameless I tell you.”

“That Taehyung needs to discipline his wife.”

“Doesn’t he know how important his Majesty’s events are? And he wants to leave just because he isn’t feeling well? Unbelievable.”

“He needs to learn some manners—”

Anxiety swept across Taehyung’s face when hearing the gossips coming from the other royals, eyes wide and mouth gaped open with panic. “Forgive me, your Majesty, I never intended to—”

With just the clear of his throat, everybody fell silent once again and all eyes were now on him. Yoongi’s gaze would shift between you and your husband, curiosity filling his veins when noticing that there wasn’t any signs of illness presently visible on you. You weren’t trembling, your eyes weren’t red and skin wasn’t showing any signs of flushness. You looked fine.

That only caused more questions to form in Yoongi’s mind. Like, what do you exactly want, and what is your reason for being here? Because according to his advisor, you weren’t even part of the guest list until today. That only raised even more suspicions he had towards you.

And it’s not like he can just throw you out—actually, he can. It’s just that he doesn’t want to because now he’s curious, and he wants to see how things turn out.

“He can go,” Yoongi says a brief silence, immediately noticing the small smile creeping onto your lips. “But take him to see the physician and let him check him out,” and then it dropped.

“N-No, your Majesty,” you spoke up, lips parted. “You don’t have to do that—”

“You’re feeling unwell, right?” Yoongi then asks, smirking at the silence he got in reply. “Well, you should let my physician diagnose you then. Don’t worry though, you’re in great hands.”

One of his guards that stood by his side approached you and started to guide you to the physician’s office. And while you were leaving, Yoongi could see the glare coming from you and aimed right at him.

If you wanted to play games with him, he’ll play.

Wandering through the palace halls at night was something Yoongi usually does whenever he can’t sleep.

And apparently you had the same tendency too.

While mindlessly strolling through his palace’s hallways, Yoongi’s eyes suddenly landed on your approaching figure, the first thing catching his attention was your choice of clothing. You were dressed in golden inner robes, your sleep-wear, and the material was so thin and transparent that every feature about you was visible to him. The sight of your clear, smooth skin and every curve of your body and muscles made his mouth water. It was like you were purposely dressed like that to seduce him.

Another thing that caught his eye was the small, slightly torn grayish book that was in your grasp, which was where your complete attention was on because you still haven’t noticed his presence despite the two of you walking towards the other.

“Hello, your Highness,” you jumped out of fear, eyes wide and closing your book when your gaze landed on him. “May I ask why you are wandering around my palace this late at night?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you simply answered, fingers tight around the cover the book, which only made Yoongi even more curious as to what you were exactly reading. “And it seems you are having the same problem as well, am I correct?”

Yoongi only hummed in reply, taking another small step towards you until you two now stood only inchest apart, him towering over you and staring down right at you. “Is there something wrong with your chambers? I can tell my servants to move you and your husband into a more comfortable place for you—”

“No no, your Majesty,” you were quick to interject. “Everything is perfect. It’s just that I’ve always had trouble sleeping at another royal’s residence, that’s all.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but find your reason funny, because he has always had trouble sleeping when there were other people staying in his palace.

A brief silence came between you two before Yoongi spoke up once again, “I’ll be taking a quick walk around my garden, you can accompany me if you like.” He didn’t wait for your reply before leaving, but when hearing the sound of your footsteps behind him right after, a smirk grew on his lips.

“You know, you never really introduced yourself when we first met,” Yoongi then brought up while the two of you made your way to the gardens.

“Forgive me, your Majesty,” you bowed your head apologetically before replying, “My name is ___, Kim ___.”

“It’s a great pleasure to meet you, Kim ___,” Yoongi reached down and took your hand into his, pressing a soft, yet tender kiss on the back of your palm, smirking at the evident blush forming on your cheeks. “And I’ve got to say, you are looking quite well for someone that claimed to be feeling sick not even three hours ago,” and that is when your smile dropped.

“Must’ve been my anxiety,” you were quick to reply back, your eyes never leaving his. “After all, I am staying at the Emperor’s palace for the first time.”

Yoongi was impressed honestly, he had to admit. For everything he had to say against you, you had something say right back at him. There isn’t a lot of people who have that type of skill to think of words—believeable words right on the spot. Anybody would believe what you were saying—too bad he isn’t just anybody.

“Must be...,” Yoongi just says, eyeing you slightly. His gaze then shifted onto the book in your hand. “What are you reading there?”

“Oh this,” you held the book up, “It’s called Flowers of the Region—a guide to every type of flower that is grown and can be found in both the South and the North. It’s my favorite book.”

“Well, that’s fortunate,” Yoongi points out, “you like flowers, and we so happen to be going to my garden. What’s your favorite flower?”

“Lily of the Valley,” you answer with a smile. “Have you heard of it?”

“I have,” Yoongi replied, his interest towards you growing even more. Lily of the Valley, despite the beautiful features of the white flower, it is proven to be quite deadly when digested. “They are only found on top of the Southern mountains—but lucky for you, I happen to grow them right here in my garden.”

Your smile grew even wider. “That’s great.”

The rest of the walk to the gardens was in silence with you trailing forward while Yoongi stood back. And with your eyes focused on the path in front of you, Yoongi couldn’t help but send glances at you every once in a while, his eyes burning into your back, admiring at the clear view your smooth skin through the thin, transparent material of your inner robes.

He surely needs to give whoever crafted your sleepwear a raise—and a big one too.

When the two of you finally got to the gardens, you were left instantly speechless at the sight of the many plots of different flowers, ranging from beautiful, vibrant ones that were quite common to dark, mysterious ones that you’ve never even seen before.

Yoongi couldn’t deny how adorable you looked though when seeing his garden for the first time, eyes wide, shining with admiration and your mouth gaped open.

“This is beautiful,” you gasped, leaning down and running your fingers delicately over some flowers.

“Thank you,” Yoongi stood beside you, “I make sure my gardeners take good care of this place.”

Silenced filled the atmosphere as Yoongi stood back and silently watched you admiring the many flowers. Normally he’d be annoyed for someone touching his property, but for some odd reason when it came to you he didn’t mind so much. Perhaps it’s because this might be the only way for him to get close to you and learn about your true intentions—or maybe he just really wants to fuck you.

Yoongi found himself once again staring at you, watching as you bent over to get a closer look at one of the flowers, giving him a perfect view of your ass and hips, both in which he wants to grab and caress with his large hands.

“So,” Yoongi spoke up after some silence, “how exactly did you become the new Lady Kim?”

Yoongi instantly noticed the way your body tensed from his question. “I was his Highness’s personal servant. When his wife suddenly passed away, he was a complete mess and I was the only one that stayed by his side through the entire mourning process. I was the one that comforted him whenever he was feeling down, I made sure he was taking care of himself and helped him with his royal duties.”

Yoongi then noticed your shoulder slumping. “After about a month or so, he started seeking me for a...different kind of comfort.” Sex. “Soon later he decided to make his new wife—the new Lady Kim.”

“You don’t seem so happy about the change in position,” Yoongi commented, “I’m sure this is much better than being a simple servant. You’re a royal now.”

“Oh, I am,” you quickly corrected him, “But being a man and having a feminine title can sometimes make things complicated.”

“Well then, don’t make them complicated.” Yoongi suggested, “You’re not a servant anymore, you’re a royal. They may not respect you now, but you have the power to make them do so.”

“Don’t worry, I know,” you told him sternly. “They’ll learn to respect me. Whether that be the hard way or the easy way—it’s their choice. So you better watch out, your Majesty, or something bad might happen to you,” you laughed softly.

Yoongi released a forceful chuckle, eyes briefly squinting at you suspiciously. It may have sound like a harmless joke, but to him, he could hear the small hints of truth behind them. “Oh trust me, I will. I wouldn’t want you as an enemy.”

“And you as well,” you replied, eyeing him back.

Silence came between you two again, Yoongi leaving you to inspect his garden in peace while he stood back and watched you. It wasn’t until an hour has passed you spoke up again, yawning, “we should head back to bed, your Majesty. We have that conference in the morning with the other royals and we need the energy.”

“You’re right,” Yoongi agreed, nodding and stepping aside so that you could walk ahead of him and back inside the place with him following right beside you. “Let me walk you back to your room.”

You didn’t say anything, only held your head low to hide the small grin on your face as the both of you made your back to the chambers. And as you two got closer to your destination, you both were froze at the sound of moaning.

Yoongi was confused at first as who it could be, but when turning to you and seeing the hardened expression on your face, he knew.

“O-Oh, Taehyung—f-faster, please!”

Yoongi was speechless. He knew many royals took on concubines while being married, but he didn’t know someone could so shameless as to bringing them to another person’s residence alongside their spouse. “Your Highness—”

“Don’t bother, your Majesty,” you spoke calmly, eyes hard and emotionless. “I’m use to it by now and it doesn’t really bother me anymore.”

“Really, it doesn’t?”

You shook your head. “At first it did, but after sleeping with my husband so many times I have learned that the only person he cares to satisfy is himself.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle. What kind of husband doesn’t have the desire to satisfy is own wife? Maybe he should take you to his chambers and show you exactly what you’re missing. “Well, I-I’m still sorry for you.”

You simply shrugged your shoulders, “it doesn’t matter, your Majesty. Have a good night.”

Yoongi watched as you then opened the door went inside the chamber, causing your husband and the woman to stop and look at you with wide eyes.

“Don’t mind me,” you said to them, not even bothering to glance at them, shocking Yoongi. “I’ll be on the balcony reading my book. Just let me when you two are done.”

Taehyung’s attention instantly went back to the woman that was straddling his lap when hearing your words, hands kneading her breasts and hips and started thrusting back up into her, causing moans to erupt from both of them. Yoongi didn’t why, but the sight of them made his blood boil.

Maybe he should go in there and fuck you in front of your husband? That’ll show him what he is missing out.

Yoongi continued to watch through the crack in the door as you walked past the couple and went onto the balcony. And once you were out of his sight, that’s when he finally got a clear view of the woman on your husband’s lap, and he instantly recognized her. She was one of the servants that accompanied you and Taehyung here. Yoongi distinctly remembered seeing her earlier today, serving you tea after you got back from seeing the physician.

Yoongi glared at the couple, scoffing at the sight. What did that Kim Taehyung see in that whore of a servant that you don’t have?

You are far more enticing than she is.

Taking one last glance at the shameless couple, Yoongi retreated back to his chambers. And while he did so, his mind suddenly went back to you. How did someone so...unique end up with a man like Kim Taehyung? He’s a weak person, a shame to royal blood. You deserve to be with someone with real power, someone who would never leave you unsatisfied, both physically and emotionally. Someone like me.

Yoongi could feel himself harden just from the thought of you.

Damn you for having this type of power over me, his mind cursed. Yoongi has slept with countless of other royals before, both men and women, and he has never encountered someone like you.

You are truly something else.

“Damn,” Yoongi mumbled out to nobody in particular, palming himself through his robes. “How the hell am I going to get rid of this?”

And right on queue, a young servant boy just happened to be walking right by Yoongi when the question ran through his head.

“Stop,” was all he said, making the servant boy freeze in his place.

“Y-Yes, your Majesty?”

Yoongi took slow, intimidating steps towards him until he was towering over him, using his hands to cup his chin and forcing the servant boy to meet his eyes. “How would you feel having the honor of spending the night with your Emperor?”

The servant boy couldn’t stop the small smile from forcing on his face. “I-I would love that, your Majesty.”

That was Yoongi needed to hear before leaning down capturing the servant’s boys lips with his, hands moving to his thighs and hoisting him up in his arms and carrying him into his chambers, lips never separating.

“You’re a eager one, are you?” Yoongi chuckled against the servant boy’s mouth, moving his lips down his neck and forcing a whimpering moan from him.

“I-It’s my duty to serve y-you, your Majesty.”

That brought a smile on Yoongi’s lips.

Yoongi couldn’t find you anywhere the next day.

He couldn’t find at you breakfast, he couldn’t find you during the conference with the other royals and their wives, and he couldn’t find you at lunch. Now as dinner was approaching, there still wasn’t any sign of you anywhere.

But he had no problem finding your husband. Wherever he saw Taehyung, he saw that whore of a servant trailing behind him like a pet—but you no where to be seen.

Yoongi thought about approaching him to ask about your whereabouts, but he couldn’t help but think of the consequences that would happen afterwards. But that still didn’t stop him from sending glares at the younger royal and the servant every now and then, which didn’t go unnotice by either of them.

“Is there something wrong, your Majesty,” Taehyung finally asks, breaking the tensed silence between the two of them. “You’ve been staring at me all day today and haven’t said a single word.”

“Oh nothing,” Yoongi simply replies, eyes still trained on him while twirling his glass of wine. “Just wondering where your wife is at right now, since everyone else is here. Is he still not feeling well from last night?”

For a very very brief moment, Yoongi could see panic glinting in his eyes before answering, “o-oh yes, your Majesty, he told me that he’s still feeling unwell so I allowed him stay back in the room.”

Liar, was Yoongi’s first thought, eyes glaring even more at the long, black-haired royal.

Everyone at the table could feel the tension between their Emperor and the young royal, and still no one chose to speak up about it.

Yoongi had a reputation. He is the first ever Emperor to achieve the throne through combat rather than family bloodline—and he is also the youngest ruler to ever be placed higher than a simple king. But that weren’t the only things he was known for. He was also generally known for being intelligent and quite reserved, and cruel if absolutely necessary, and also able to hold a grudge. It may sound simple, but everybody knew that if their Emperor had something against you, your days were limited.

So that’s why nobody chose to speak up when seeing the menancing glares their Emperor were sending at the youngest and only surviving Kim. Because they knew if they intervened, they’d only anger him and get on his list, and that’s the exact opposite of what they want to do.

“Your Majesty,” his advisor suddenly whispered right beside him. “I think it would be a good idea to continue the meeting. Some of your guests has some things to say about the...improvements you’re doing to the North.”

Yoongi clenched his jaw, eyes scanning over Taehyung once more before turning his attention to the other royals. “Sure,” he then says, “which one of you want to speak first?”

Not even a second later, Park Jimin, ruler of the Park Kingdom stood up from his seat and spoke. “Your Majesty, my council and I believe that the border that you have placed around my region is completely unnecessary.”

“How so?” Yoongi asks, leaning back against his chair with an amused look on his face. He had to admit that he was impressed that the blonde man was the first to speak up. He may not be the youngest royal out of everyone, but he certainly is the one with the least experience when it came politics.

“For starters your border cuts right through my kingdom’s river, slicing our water supply in half,” he starts, voice slightly raising. “And the amount of wood you required for the construction of the wall resulted in about ninety percent of the forests in my region to be completely cut down, forcing most of my workers into unemployment.”

Yoongi continued to listen closely with his hands laced together and resting on top of his chest, rocking back and forth in his chair with an intent glint in his eyes.

“I also find it completely unfair how your border only crosses over my kingdom but no one else’s.” Jimin continued to rant, jamming his finger repeatedly angerly against the table while keeping his eye contact with him. “I think it’s not for protection like you have claimed many of times, but as a prison, to keep my people in check. You’re nothing but a—”

Yoongi slammed his hand heavily onto the table, instantly silencing the young royal and causing everyone to gulp nervously. He may at times find it amusing when someone fights back, but he will never allow anyone to talk down against him, not in his own residence.

“You think I built that wall as a prison?” Yoongi asks, chuckling when the blonde man didn’t reply. “Are you forgetting what happened before I built that wall? Spies from the South would come right into our territories and would gather information on us, murder our people in their sleep—that’s how your parents died, am I correct? Some spy that sneaked into their palace assassinated them when they were asleep? It would such a shame if the same thing happens to you—after I take down the wall, of course.”

Yoongi smirked when noticing the seeing Jimin’s jaw clenching and hands angrily balling into fists. “So don’t you ever accuse me again? Because everything I do is for the best of my people, not just yours. The wall is only bordering your land because your land is the only one that connects with the South.”

Jimin’s head hung low, hands unclenching and lips dropping into the frown.

“So before you come at me, you should make sure that you have all the information, do you understand me?” Jimin nodded and sat down.

Everybody tensed when Yoongi then stood up from his seat and slowly, intimidatingly made his way to Jimin’s chair. And when placing his hands on the younger man’s shoulders, Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle when feeling him jump slightly underneath his touch. “Normally I’d kill anyone who spoke to me that way,” leaning down, he whispered into Jimin’s ear, sending chills along his pale skin, “but I’ll let it slide for once since you’re new to this whole thing.”

“T-Thank you, your Majesty.”

With one last pat on the shaking man’s shoulder, Yoongi pulled away, and he was standing straight again, his eyes suddenly fell on your figure who stood near the entrance of the conference hall. But you weren’t alone, no, three servants that he couldn’t recognize was with you. The four of you seemed to be in a deep conversation, and with everybody focused on him, nobody noticed you.

Yoongi’s eyes slightly squinted out of suspicion when seeing you then bow your head at the three servants, a smile on your face before each of you went your separate ways.

Yoongi is definitely going to look into that.

“Now,” returning his attention back to his guests, Yoongi leaned himself against the table, keeping close to the blonde man that was still trembling. “Does anyone else have anything to say to me?”

“N-No no, your Majesty,” Jung Hoseok, another royal spoke up, gulping anxiously as he tightened his hand around his wife’s who sat beside him. “We have no complaints whatsoever, you’re doing an amazing job—the perfect ruler.”

Kiss ass, Yoongi rolled his eyes, pushing himself away from the table. He then shifted his attention towards your husband and asks, “what about you, your Highness? Anything to say?”

Taehyung shook his head. “No, your Majesty.”

“What a bunch spineless people,” Yoongi’s mind scoffed, and he couldn’t agree more.

His advisor then rose from his chair and spoke up, “okay everyone, thank you all for attending his Majesty’s annual end of conference feast this year. You may all now return to your rooms and get some rest before heading back to your own residences in the morning.”

Yoongi stayed back and bid farewell to everyone, and once everyone was gone he left the conference hall with only one thing on his mind—you. He was determined to find out what exactly were you and those three servants were discussing about. Yoongi was so rapt on you that he didn’t even hear his advisor calling out of him to come back.

He practically jogged to the chambers hall, heading straight to your room and when he got there, just as he was about barge right through the door he was then stopped by a sudden sound. Moans could be heard on the other side of the door—female moans. Yoongi’s hands were already hovering over the door handle before he opened it slightly to where there was only a crack, giving him the view of seeing your husband with same servant girl from the night before.

Yoongi watches as she claws his back, legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he place open mouth kisses along her bare chest and thrusted deep into her, causing loud, pleasurable moans to erupt from both of their mouths.

“T-Tae,” the young servant girl gasped, hands running up and down his sweaty back and fingers digging into his marked, glistening skin. “I’m close.”

“Me too, love,” he groaned back, leaning down and capturing her lips into a passionate kiss. “Together, okay...?”

Utterly shameless, Yoongi shook his head and pushed away from the door with disgust. Just as he was about to continue searching for you, he froze at the sound a voice behind him—a female voice.

“Are you looking for Lady Kim, your Majesty?”

Yoongi turned around and was greeted by one of your servants, hands laced together and hanging in front of her with a wide smile on her face. “No, I’m not,” he quickly replied, shaking his head. He expected her to just nod her head and leave, but instead she released a small chuckle and turned around, saying in a soft tone, “follow me.”

Yoongi was hesitant, eyes burning suspiciously into the servant girl’s back as she began to walk away. But he soon decided to follow her despite the constant warnings that were running through his head at the moment.

The servant’s gaze was trained on the path in front of her, not even bothering to acknowledge the glare she was receiving by platinum-haired man that was trailing right behind her.

The warnings that were consuming Yoongi’s head started to get louder as he continued to follow her deeper into his residence, parts of his home that he hasn’t even been in.

Yoongi stopped in his place when the servant led him to a room with dark, double doors. “What is this,” he asks with a cold expression, causing the young girl to chuckle and open the door without saying a word to him. He was about to question her even more but when he got to see what was behind the door, leaving him speechless.

Standing right in front him was you, along with over a dozen guards and servants that were from many different kingdoms. Some of the guards and servants were part of the Park Kingdom, some were from the Jung Kingdom, and others were from your own home.

“What’s going on here?” Yoongi asks, his eyes glancing across the many different pairs that were staring right back at him.

“They work for me,” came out of your mouth. “We are all part of movement that believes that the North needs a change in leadership—which is you. You’re the only that deserves to rule the North, not these cowards.”

Yoongi was speechless. For once in his life he didn’t know to say. For the first time he wasn’t the one that was planning in the shadows, plotting against somebody—but instead it was people who he has never even met before. “Why,” was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

“Because war is coming your Majesty,” you stepped towards him to where you stood only inches away from his face, staring up to meet his eyes. “My agents told me that the South is planning an invasion into our territory, and the way the other kingdoms are ruling their land—we won’t survive this war. You are the only one that is capable of leading us to victory.”

Yoongi turned towards your followers. “Do you all agree with him?”

“Yes, your Majesty,” one of the guards spoke up. Each and every person then stepped forward and began to speak loudly on their opinions of their leaders.

“Park Jimin is too young to be King—he doesn’t know how to rule.”

“He can’t even hold a sword properly.”

“Jung Hoseok is a spineless man!”

“Damn right he is! The moment the South comes barging intl his palace, he’ll do whatever it takes to save his own skin and not his people.”

“Kim Taehyung is shameless bastard who would rather spend his time fucking his servants than leading his own Kingdom.”

Yoongi could see you snicker at that comment.

“He spends our taxes buying whores instead of using it to improve our home.”

“None of them belong on the throne!”

“They are right, your Majesty,” you stared at him with a small smirk on your lips. “Out of everyone, you’re the only that deserves to rule us. You are the one who will lead us to glory.”

Yoongi stared down at you with such desire. He may have found you attractive before, but now he couldn’t help but find you utterly irresistible. “So this isn’t just some power trip? Doing all this just to get to the top?”

Yoongi had his suspicions already about the war. He has heard from his own agents that the South were planning on some sort of invasion, but there wasn’t any evidence that confirmed that. So sadly he hasn’t been able to do any preparations—at least, none without the other royals knowledge of it.

You shook your head. “I don’t care about power, your Majesty—only survival, and you’re the best way to achieve that.”

“I see,” Yoongi reached up and stroked his chin, “how would you all do this anyway? Kill the rulers of each Kingdom can be tricky, and what about their heirs?”

“It’s quite easy,” you answered with a small grin. “They all have their jobs,” you nodded at your followers, “once they are home and unguarded, that is when they’ll strike. And as for their heirs, well, that’s not really a problem.”

Yoongi raised a brow. “Jung Hoseok’s wife is unable to bare a child, and he also doesn’t have any younger siblings to take over. So once he passes, rulership of his Kingdom immediately goes over to you. Same goes for my husband and Park Jimin.”

“I see,” Yoongi hums, biting inside of his cheek. “So what’s my job then?”

You smirk. “The only thing you have to do is have your succession speech ready, your Majesty.”

“But I have another problem,” Yoongi added. “Many people already disagree with our war with the South. How will we manage to persuade them that this is necessary? It’ll be difficult since three of the four leaders of the North are dead.”

“Trust me, your Majesty,” you spoke with such clarity and a smile on your face. “Everything is planned out and you don’t have to worry.”

Yoongi didn’t replay, eyes briefly glancing at the people that surrounded him. You must’ve noticed his still cautious state because next thing he knew you were signaling everybody out, telling them to “get some rest and prepare for your departure in the morning.”

“Why are you doing this exactly?” Yoongi asks the moment you two were alone in the room. “Because there is no damn way you’re doing this just for survival. I mean,” he suddenly chuckles, “you are giving complete control of the North. What is your angle here? Are you going to kill me after all this is so that you become Emperor?” Yoongi was starting to get frustrated. He has never had trouble understanding someone before until he met you. And now because of you, his mind was a complete mess.

“That’s not my intention at all, your Majesty,” smiling up at him, you placed your hand on his shoulder, smirking at the feeling of him tensing underneath your fingertips. “All I want is for the North, my home—your home to finally come out of its shadow that it has been forced to hide in for centuries.”

“And you think I’m the one that can do that?”

“Yes,” you nod, fingers dancing across his chest. “I’ve read records of previous Emperors and you’re the only that deserves that title. Unlike the other ones, you are resilient, intelligent, ruthless if necessary, and you even fight alongside your men which no other Emperor has done before.”

As each compliment came out of your mouth, Yoongi couldn’t help but feel himself starting to get hard underneath his lower robes, and you running your hands seductively over his chest definitely wasn’t helping.

“How should I repay you for your kindness then,” Yoongi found himself melting against your touch, his hands finding their way into your waist. “Because someone like you definitely deserves an reward for their loyalty.” Yoongi then turns you around in one quick motion, causing you to gasp at the sudden action and feeling his strong chest pressed up against your back and lips brushing against your ear.

A tiny moan escaped from your lips when feeling his hard length suddenly rub against your ass, you yourself starting to get hard as well. “Should I buy you plenty of jewelry, or maybe a large palace just for you?” Yoongi then pushed you up against the wall, smirking at the small gasp that came from you. “Or perhaps,” another moan came out of your mouth when one of his hands slipped underneath your robes and caressed the soft flesh of your behind, “make you wife?”

Yoongi chuckled when feeling shiver against him. “Yeah, you would like that, huh? Being my wife, an Empress, ruling right beside me?”

“Y-Yes, your Majesty,” you stuttered out, tilting your head back from the sensation, giving Yoongi the opportunity to lean down and leaving wet, tender kisses along your neck and bare shoulder, leaving dark bruises that’ll be near impossible to cover up tomorrow morning.

“Good,” Yoongi left another mark on your skin, dragging his finger across your ass, teasing your clenching hole with his fingertip. “Then how about we—secure our deal, then? And when you nodded, that was all Yoongi needed before turning you around to face him and crashing his lips down forcefully onto yours. The kiss was rough, yet tender and filled with lust. With your hands around his neck, Yoongi’s slid down to your thighs and hoisted you up into his arms, deepening the kiss with his lips moving in perfect sync against yours.

The kiss was like a drug that neither of you couldn’t get enough of.

“Please, your Majesty,” you whimpered against his lips, which made Yoongi want you even more than he already did. “Can you please h-hurry?”

Yoongi smirked against your lips, pulling away. “Don’t worry, my love, just be patient.”

It was quite ironic though, because Yoongi was everything but patient when it came to you. He couldn’t wait any longer. Instead of carrying you all the way to his chamber, he laid you on the closest flat surface which happened to be a table and tore your robes completely off of you, leaving you bare and them in ruins.

Yoongi decided to take his sweet time with you, dragging his lips across your ankles, up your legs to your meaty thighs. He then began to leave open mouth kisses over your abdomen and up your chest, teasing your nipples with his tongue and grazing the wet muscle over your collarbone. Yoongi continued his assault on your body until he reached back up your lips, capturing them this time into a soft, passionate kiss which you gladly returned without a second thought, hands sliding up to his shoulders and helping him strip from his own robes, revealing his pale and toned body.

Your mouth watered at the sight of him, eyeing his define muscles, the way his abs clenched as he climbed onto the table and hovered over you, and the way his biceps bulged as he held himself above you. “Y-Your Majesty—”

“Yoongi,” he cut you off, pulling away and moving his lips to your throat. “Call me, Yoongi, my love.”

“Y-Yoongi,” you tried out, heart warming in both of your chests once hearing his name come out of your mouth. It sounded right coming from you. “Please—”

“Don’t worry, my love,” Yoongi reassured you, moving his lips back up to yours. “I’m here, I’m here. Let me show you how it feels to be loved by a real man, yeah?”

The night was then soon filled with nothing but the sound your combined moans, skin slapping and the shared whispers of sweet words between one another.

This was the start of something new.

“T-Taehyung, faster, faster please!”

The sound of the woman’s moans and the bed’s headboard banging against the connecting wall to your room made your blood boil. Your hands clenched into fists and teeth biting angrily down onto your lips.

“Be patient, my love,” you could hear your husband say through the thin wall, making the rage that flowed through your veins grow more. “Let me cherish you, beautiful...”

“Your Highness,” the sound of a man’s voice tore you out of your thoughts, “I’ve done what you’ve asked me to do.”

“Everything’s prepared and ready?”

The guard nodded his head once you turned around, “yes, your Highness. The only people remaining in the palace are your loyal followers. Everyone else has been sent home.”

“Good,” only came out of your mouth before leaving your chambers with the guard following closely behind you. You walked over next door and didn’t bother knocking before barging right in, your husband and the girl instantly jumping to cover themselves with the thin bedsheets.

“What the fuck?!” Taehyung curses loudly, staring at you with wide eyes and wrapping his arms around the girl’s waist, pulling her close. “What are you doing here? I told already you that I’m staying here tonight.”

“I know,” you replied with not even a single ounce of emotion heard in your voice.

Taehyung’s eyes then shifted towards the guard that stood beside you. “What’s going on here?”

You didn’t say anything, only smiled, and that caused fear to form in the pit of Taehyung’s gut. With just the simple nod of your head, the guard walked over to the servant girl and snatched her by her hair, tearing her away from his grasp and yanking her off the bed and onto the ground.

“Stop—” Taehyung tried to reach for her but stopped when the guard pulled out a dagger and held the sharp blade against her neck, tears shining in her eyes. He then turned towards you, eyes glistening as well, “why are you doing this?”

“Change,” was all you said before nodding your head again, giving the guard the order to slide his blade across the girl’s throat, killing her instantly and letting her limp body collapse into the ground.

“N-No no,” Taehyung didn’t hesitate this time to jump out of the bed, despite being completely nude and taking her now lifeless body into his arms, blood staining the ground and his skin, and tears spilling uncontrollably from his eyes. “She was pregnant...”

“Oh well.”

Taehyung’s head shot up from your heartless comment, his teary eyes shining with a newfound rage. Before he had the chance to say anything the guard approached him from behind and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. He immediately began clawing at his arms, trying to gasp for air that was becoming harder and harder to obtain, eyes bright red and nearly bulging out, tears slipping from them and sliding down his cheeks.

The last thing he saw before he took his last breath and eyes slowly closed was you standing in front of him with a sinister grin on your lips.

“Your Majesty.”

Yoongi glanced up from his book to see his personal advisor standing right in front of him by his library’s entrance. He hummed in reply, signaling for the young man to continue. We’ve gotten word from Lady Kim—” Yoongi glared at him, causing his advisor to pause and correct his words, “—I mean, ____’s agents that they have completed their duties.”

“They have?” Yoongi asked with a raised brow. He knew you were more than capable of doing this, but he thought something this major would take at least a week to accomplish. He didn’t expect to hear about any success a day later.

“Yes, your Majesty,” his advisor nodded. “The Jung palace is flames at this moment and there is word that Jung Hoseok himself and his wife were in their chambers when the fire happened. And as for Park Jimin, he was found murdered in his bed with a dagger in his chest. Some say it was one of his concubines that done it.”

“What about Kim Taehyung?” Yoongi found himself asking, his mind instantly thinking of you. “Was ___ successful?”

“Yes, your Majesty he was,” his advisor answered. “I was informed about Kim Taehyung’s death by ___ himself.”

Yoongi couldn’t stop the smile forming on his lips. “Good.”

“Would you like to start writing your succession speech now, your Majesty?”

“Yes,” Yoongi answered. “We’ll have the succession conference next week, and make sure every minor clan leader comes so that they know who is in charge now.”

“Yes, your Majesty,” his advisor nodded his head, and before leaving he turned back and said to him in a teasing tone, “oh, and someone is here to see you.”

Yoongi was about to ask him who it was, but he stopped himself when his eyes suddenly landed on you standing in his library’s entrance, his heart stopping in his chest at the sight of you. “H-Hey,” he stuttered out, cringing at the sound of himself. In all his years of living, nobody has ever had this type of power over him—but he wasn’t complaining either.

“Hello, your Majesty,” your reply sent tingles all over his body—and he loved it.

There was nothing but silence afterwards between you two because there wasn’t any need for words. The only thing you two needed to express the feelings you have for each other was your eyes—the passion, the lust, the want that shined in them.

This is just the beginning for you two.

would you guys like to see a drabble series of these two in the future maybe? emperor yoongi and his male wife.

TAGLIST:

@ben-c0c, @sombreboy, @theclawofsa, @joongtoons, @xavi-in-kpopland, @ephemeralkookie, @yoshiure, @illbeyournightmare, @sonderkook, @spaceisbigger, @catboygyu, @justqueerandhereforthetea, @xxminilah​

[saffron-nova21]

New Favorite Setter (U.W.)

The Next Chapter Masterlist < Previous Chapter • You Are Here • Next Chapter >

Warnings: None, really :), just Ushi being sweet After spending a long ten minutes convincing Kenma that you were, indeed, okay, and Iwa was driving you home, he takes his departure. Though, what had really sold him was the fact that he could set up a movie for you both when you got home.

With Kenma's departure, you find yourself wringing your hands - what were you supposed to do? You'd asked everyone to give you and him a moment to talk and they'd done exactly that. Though, now that he was gone, you found yourself standing alone and watching as everyone interacted with one another. You hadn't exactly gotten this far. You felt like it was your first day at Nekoma, all over again, when your teacher made you stand up to introduce yourself to the class.

You didn't want to help in the gym, at least not when Atsumu and Suna were there, even if Bokuto was with them as well. And Iwaizumi seemed to be reviewing some different exercises with Sakusa and Yaku, leaving you wondering what exactly you were here to do. What help could you possibly be to them? You had half a mind to turn around and leave the gym, maybe you could catch up to Kenma before he walked too far away...

Little did you know that you'd caught the attention of a certain player that had stepped out of the gym to get some water.

Just as you're about to turn on your heel to leave, you find yourself approached by none other than the giant of a man, Ushijima Wakatoshi himself. He doesn't know how to acknowledge your awkward actions, or the fact that you look out of place, though maybe that was a good thing. Maybe you just needed a little push to help you get used to and more familiar with the team.

"I need someone to set for me so I can work on my spikes. I want to work on spiking with my right hand, as well. It will be an advantage on the court." The man stands in front of you, almost apprehensively, while he awaits an answer from you. His words are hesitant, voice void of most emotion. Though you had to give him credit for trying to make you feel more comfortable, despite being so awkward, himself.

As he awaits your answer, he furrows his brows in curiosity. Did you even still want to be here? Should he have just let you take off? Maybe he should walk away before he embarrasses himself, or you. Any prior thoughts of leaving you to your own devices leave him when he hears the quiet breath of relief that you release. "Yeah, I can do that. It's what I'm here for, after all!" You flash him a smile and momentarily Ushijima finds his chest tightening. That was an odd... And new feeling.

What was even more confusing was the way the feeling amplified when you took his hand in yours to tug him towards the gymnasium. He trails behind you without complaint, in fact, finding himself managing a small smile at how quickly you brightened when he interacted with you. He wasn't quite sure why he hated the idea of you leaving as much as he did, but here he was, making up excuses for you to stay with him and train. Though he'd be honest, he was probably about to make a fool of himself: it had been a while since he attempted spiking with his right hand.

As you both entered the gym, Bokuto, Suna, and Miya all turned to look in the direction you'd entered, but they had two sides of the court for a reason. Without a word to them, you're releasing Ushijima's hand and going to retrieve a volleyball for the both of you to use.

Ushijima, while your eyes are away from him, shoots a look of warning towards those on the other side of the net as you both make it over to the side, furthest from the door. Unsurprisingly, the look causes the three to halt in their own practice for a few moments, simply watching you. It had been a while since Suna and Miya had seen you play and Bokuto just... Really loved to watch you play. There was something almost elegant about the way you would set. It reminded him a lot of the way Miya set, though he supposed that made sense, with Atsumu having been your teacher.

"You ready, babe?" Tossing the ball to the opposite hitter, you grin at the way his cheeks darken at the term. "Throw it to me, whenever you're ready, alright, Ushi?"

"You may call me Wakatoshi, if you would like, L/N." The giant of a man nods in your direction with an impassive look on his face. Closing his eyes momentarily, he takes a deep breath, reopening them as he exhales. With his exhale also came the volleyball being tossed into the air.

It only took a brief glance at him to note where he was running and with that, you swung your arms to gain momentum as you jumped into the air. Your hands come together above your head only moments before the ball makes contact with them. All of the volleyball players could tell your form wasn't perfect.

Though even in high school, you hadn't been a setter. Nonetheless, Ushijima hardly had to do any work, your set making contact with his hand perfectly. A loud thud sounds through the room as the ball makes contact with the floor.

Ushijima had expected you to be good, but you really had a talent for volleyball, much like Bokuto had been bragging about. He was sure, though, that it was also a product of being a friend of Hinata Shōyō and Bokuto Kōtarō, who seemed to never want to stop practicing. Turning to face you, he noticed the way you grinned proudly at yourself, eyes flickering to his. He interpreted it as exactly what it was: a silent 'how did I do?' And he didn't hesitate to answer your unasked question.

"I think I've found my new favorite setter."

Damn, Ushi really said that in front of Atsumu too... Anyways.

You don't go by the last name 'Kita' anymore, you coined the name 'L/N' for your social media platform, and because after you left for Tokyo, you hadn't had any contact with your brother or grandmother.

Ushijima hasn't ever really had a romantic interest in anyone before, always focusing on his career. But with the knowledge you'll be around often and your phone number, he'll be changing that.

I'm so sorry these updates are taking so long. April and May are kind of rough months for me, but I am working on updates this week, I promise. Anyways, I hope you're all doing wonderfully and taking care of yourselves. Don't forget how proud I am of you, okay? And don't forget to eat, drink some water, and get some rest. You deserve it. Oh, and there will be much more with Ushi, no worries.

Bold couldn't be tagged.

General Taglist:

@kookie-doughs @halesandy @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @its-the-aerieljeane @onlyonew @kac-chowsballs @saltylettuce @thathoneybee3 @daninaninani @akkeyomi @vintagexparker

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[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + slightly burnt snake secondary (some kind of built secondary model)

Hi hi hi!! Hope you’re well!! So tell me, is there a way to tell whether you’re a lion or a snake secondary beyond the actual “textbook” definitions? I think I’m pretty burnt, and I’m on my way to fixing that, but it would help to know where I’m supposed to be heading lol

(Btw, I’m a Sam coded Dean girl. I don’t think it’s relevant I just thought that system was both useful and hilarious and I’m so glad you posted that)

I also really liked how that turned out.

I’m pretty sure I’m an improv secondary. I think I’m bad at it, hence the burning, but it’s what comes naturally to me and what I would feel most proud of.

I end up planning for a bunch of things, and in some cases I don’t hate it.

Damning with faint praise.

Like if I’m giving a presentation, I open a word document and write down what I’m gonna say verbatim, even the language tics and pauses and hesitations and such, so it’s like I’m actually living it. Then I repeat the whole thing multiple times, amending it whenever I change something, until I feel like I’ve sort of gone through the experience already.

That is… the weirdest way of hacking an improvisational secondary. Because that’s what’s you’re doing. Improvisational secondaries need to be “in it,” so you get as close to that as possible in the prep work.

Then I scrap the whole thing and improvise when it’s actually happening – the result is often pretty different from the word doc

of course.

but I’m a bit more in my element because I’ve done it already and I know I can do it.

This is honestly a really good strategy to make yourself more comfortable with improvising? I can tell you’re unBurning, this feels very much like… training wheels, to me. Heck, I think I would recommend your method to another burnt Improvisational secondary.

I’m not sure, but I think that sort of thing is more built than improv?

Like, kind of? I’m autism spectum, and when I was younger I built a Bird model to help me feel more confident accessing my Courtier Badger. That’s what this feels like.

But I definitely feel like it’s a model I’ve developed to deal with social anxiety and my fear of failure lol. I didn’t do stuff like that before it got bad, and if I could deal with not doing it, I would.

I hear that.

In most other situations, though, I tend to jump right in and go with the flow. I really don’t think very far ahead. I guess I can if I try, when it’s just a matter of logic, but things like my life plans, my relationships, or even more short-term things like plans with friends or what I’m gonna eat or how I’m gonna deal with a task, I really can’t project into the future. I can’t really make decisions or see a situation clearly until I’m in it. Then I tend to make decisions very quickly, kind of on instinct, or whatever feels right in the moment.

You’re definitely an improvisational secondary.

(Actually maybe that’s a primary thing? I’m a snake primary, but I do have a very prominent lion model, and a bit of badger as well.)

Nah, that’s definitely an Improvisational secondary thing. I am curious about your primary though, because you say you don’t have too much in the way of life plans… and *that* is more where a primary would come in. You feel like a safe Snake to me (that is, a Snake whose people are safe) so there is a little bit of… what now? What is the Lion+Badger model you wear over the top interested in?

Point is, I prefer being spontaneous, even if it’s something important. Making plans and having to stick to them makes me feel trapped. I’m not the most constant person, and I like that about me. I want to have room to grow and change, even for the smallest things.

Completely, entirely fair.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve talked more about limitations and things I don’t want so far, but I guess that’s a burnt thing.

I mean, sure you’re a little underconfident, but you seem pretty far along to me.

I’ve seen you mention what’s really useful in determining a secondary is what you actually enjoy, so here goes. I like being in the moment, and I like being able to come up with ideas and solutions on the fly, by taking in the situation and using it to my advantage.

That’s very Snake secondary sounding language.

I think there’s a bit of a separation in my mind between “people things” and “being clever things.”

For “being clever things” (like… I don’t know, an escape room, a problem with an administration, a paper I have to write, video games, some kind of mystery…) I like to rely on being observant and quick-thinking, and if I can find loopholes or outsmart whoever I’m facing to win in an unexpected way, that’s even better (but really more for my ego than anything else, I guess finding the “normal” solution is okay, as long as you get there, it’s just less fun).

Hilarious. Yeah, you sound like a *confident* Snake secondary to me.

For “people things” (drama with family or friends, or if someone is being an ass, or if someone comes to me for advice on interpersonal things), I prioritize being straightforward and honest. If I have time to plan or if I’m giving advice, I might come up with something more sneaky and elaborate, but if I’m in the moment, I’m most likely to be really confrontational, stubborn and unyielding, even if it makes things more difficult for me.

Hmm. I am reading this as a Snake who likes being Neutral - especially those words “stubborn” and “unyielding.” There’s a reason Neutral Snakes are called “the unmovable object.”

If I catch myself, I try to avoid it, but that just means staying silent and removing myself from the situation – I can’t bring myself to make compromises if it feels like I’m betraying myself.

Okay, now that’s sounding more Lion.

To be clear, that’s almost exclusively with people I’m close to, or who are supposed to “know me”.

Oh okay. This is your secondary interacting with your primary. Actively lying to and misrepresenting yourself to Your People would be immoral to a Snake Primary.

With friends who aren’t in my inner circle, or acquaintances, or complete strangers, or authority figures, I might get upset internally if I’m perceiving a slight or injustice, but I can keep up the mask I need no problem. That being said, I don’t have a lot of patience for drama, so if whatever it is can’t be quickly resolved with a convenient lie or saying what works for me in a way they won’t mind hearing, I just stick to what I’m actually thinking and/or my neutral state (I’m not sure it’s accurate to use snake language here, but it feels like it and it’s convenient).

I think it’s highly appropriate and accurate. All that is reading very Snake.

I’ve seen a bunch of people say lion and snake secondaries are sort of at odds with each other, but I don’t really get the contradiction between them yet (as in, I don’t see why people can’t be both those “contradictory” things at the same time). I do mask a lot, and I enjoy it – I think it’s rewarding, and honestly it just makes sense – it’s what works best in that moment, and it feels natural to shift that way. I just don’t feel it’s a misrepresentation. The whole “it’s not cheating, it’s being clever” thing just feels a little too dishonest. Cheating is cheating, no need to be so smug about it. It’s not wrong, though, at least not always. If it’s hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it, then it’s wrong (might still do it if the alternative is worse, but that doesn’t mean it’s suddenly an ethical choice to make, it just means I’m okay with being immoral in that instance).

All that being said, I don’t think masking is being dishonest about yourself. I don’t think anything that comes out of my mind is “not me”, it just doesn’t work that way. The personas I have with different groups or people in my life are all genuine, it’s just that different sides of me are brought up. And if I’m acting in a way that’s actually not genuine, that mask is still my creation – if someone else were to come up with a mask for that same situation, it would be different, because their mind works differently. Everything you do is a reflection of yourself, and even if you were to try your best to be honest all the time, you’d never be able to show your true and complete self to someone else. You can’t even see that yourself.

Oh man. This is why I love writing these, and this is what I mean about Lion and Snake being so incomprehensible to each other. Because Lions fundamentally do not think this way, every word here is dripping with Snake.

It might be helpful to think of Lions as static. That’s how Shakespeare (who definitely seems like a Snake secondary…) writes about them, and he sees them as sort of tragic. Lions really do have a “core” persona that feels more true than all the others, and they really do exist in it as much as they possibly can. And feel good and moral about doing that.

And a mask’s point may be to deceive or to gain something, but being blunt and straightforward can be used in that way too.

You are literally thinking of “common Lion secondary presentation” as another useful mask, and it’s so Snake, and so fantastic.

I’m thinking this sounds more snake than anything else, so I’ll focus on why I thought I might be a lion too now. I guess the reason I’m on the fence is because these two are presented as “either you think the only way is through, or you’re looking for a way around it”, and I’m not comfortable saying I favor either.

That is *a* way to think about the two secondaries. But those are symptoms, not causes. The reason a Lion secondary feels that the only way out is though is because a Lion secondary must be themselves, or die.

My first thought was to say that I get more satisfaction from finding ways around a problem because it makes me feel cleverer and it’s more fun, but that’s because I’m zeroing in on certain types of situations (people giving me some intellectual challenge, debates, or video games). But there were also a lot of times where I stuck it out and kept going with pigheaded stubbornness, and got a lot more satisfaction out of that (physical challenges like obstacle courses, disagreements with my parents, winning over certain people).

Here’s where I think the confusion is. You’re a Snake secondary, and one of your masks looks very Lion. Note how you talk about using this “pigheadedness” with certain people, who you know will respond well to it.

In fact, I remember my father telling me one day “yeah, you’re never here to compromise, you just make decisions and inform us, and keep going while you wait for us to accept reality,“ and I actually can’t describe how proud and smug I was about that. Kind of insufferable, but I just get so euphoric when people see right through me and show they get me, even if it’s about the more annoying or bad parts of me.

I think that’s just a human thing. The mortifying ideal of being known is how you feel loved.

I remember a conversation I had with my ex after we broke up where she cut right through all my bullshit and discarded my whole mask to get right to my inner self and the core of certain issues, and even though I was still mad and upset, and kind of embarrassed that she could see me being vulnerable, I couldn’t help but be happy about it, because I felt known.

Yeah. <3

I don’t interact much with people outside of my inner circle, so I can’t tell if it’s entirely specific to them, but I really vibe with the “honesty is their strength” part of being a lion. That’s why my people trust me and rely on me so much, because even though they know how sneaky I can get and how fun I think tricking people is, they also know I default to telling the truth and saying what’s on my mind more often than not, because they’re my people.

I think that, as a Snake primary who mostly only interacts with Your People, you’re in a kind of unusual position. I know that the presentation of a Snake who feels safe can be blunter, can be more Lion-y. My experience with Snakes is… yeah, sometimes I know I’m being manipulated, or having my buttons pushed in a specific way. But I’m fine with it, because I’m one of their people, and I know they would never hurt me. That’s where the certainty is coming from.

Then again, I also have a “it’s not lying unless they’re entitled to the truth” attitude with basically everyone else. I just don’t think some people deserve to know me that way.

snaaaake

(lions are going to take the truth and PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE with it, and if you can’t deal that’s YOUR PROBLEM)

And “ideally”, as in, if I didn’t have anxiety and a bunch of other issues, I still don’t think I’d just be neutral all the time. Sounds boring. And inconvenient.

Snake secondaries are great.

Ahhh, should I even post this? I feel like my whole thought process before this moment of introspection was “so I really vibe with snake, but I’m also hotheaded and a bit of a bitch, so I MUST be a lion, right” lmao. I just think I’m a straight up double snake at this point.

Yep.

Oof, a long way from my original lion bird sorting back when I first discovered SHC hahaha

Yeah, I used to think I was a Badger Bird.

(For the record, I’m writing this in a word doc, and it’s almost 2k now. I haven’t checked how long these normally are, so I’m really sorry if this is too long!!! I’m like physically incapable of being concise I’m so sorry)

Sometimes I edit or re-arrange these slightly for a cleaning reading experience, but I’m having fun. I was engaged all the way though.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for doing these!! They’re super interesting and I’m sure it helps people a lot, and also it’s really cool to see how different people think. I’m a socially-challenged writer, so it’s useful to have that bit of insight into other people’s minds. Love ya <3 <3 <3

[journalxxx]

By Hook or by Crook (1)

"Is it possible to become a hero like you even without using any quirks?" Toshinori thought that it was a strange question. Strangely worded, and with too obvious an answer to be worth asking. Still, he stopped. The memory of a similarly naive middle-schooler from way too long ago made him pause. He shouldn't have paused. Another impossibly shrill scream erupted from the boy when Toshinori tried to reassure him of his identity, and turned up with a mouthful of blood instead. What a charming day this was proving to be. Almost an entire night spent awake due to his old wound deciding to make a fuss and disregard any sort of painkillers he threw at it, a frustrating morning followed by an equally frustrating afternoon he had struggled to navigate through with the alertness of a drunken sloth, which had caused him to get lost in the sewers while chasing a dangerous criminal, as well as fail to notice a whole human being sticking to his leg as he took off at the speed of several hundreds kilometres per hour, and now this.

Toshinori took a proper gander at the brand new crack in his privacy. He was a freckled, scrawny thing, with unruly green hair and enough jitters to be picked up by the nearest seismographs, probably.

"How... How? Is it- are you- are..." The boy stuttered, pale and physically shivering from the shock. "Is... was that your quirk? A transformation quirk?" He brought a hand to his mouth, subconsciously mimicking Toshinori as he wiped the blood from his lips. "That hurts you when you use it?" "...Something of the sort." It was an explanation as good as any. They stared at each other for a few moments, before the kid dropped his gaze and started muttering to himself. Toshinori could barely make out the words, but it seemed to be something about internet forums and theories about All Might's quirk. Toshinori sighed and sat down on the concrete, leaning his back against the railing to catch some much needed breath. There was no point in running off now, was there? He supposed the most sensible thing to do at this point was to have a little chat with the boy, if only to ascertain whether he was capable or willing to keep such a momentous secret. He waited for the boy to finish his quiet soliloquy... for two or three minutes, during which the onslaught of words didn't show any sign of dwindling. He politely cleared his throat, and the young man's attention was immediately back on him. "What's your name, boy?" "Uh... Izuku. Izuku Midoriya." "Midoriya." Toshinori acknowledged with a nod. "And you're quirkless, I take it." "Oh... Uh... Uhm..." Midoriya snappily clasped his hands behind his back and his eyes darted around as if caught stealing jam. It was an understandable reaction, if a tad overblown, Toshinori thought. Quirklessness was rare these days, and never something one could be proud of. His own powerlessness had frustrated him in his youth, and it positively tore at him in the present, now that his physical condition rendered him functionally quirkless for more than twenty hours a day. "Regarding your first question..." Toshinori paused, running a hand through his hair tiredly. Was there any way of putting this kindly? "Surely you realize the huge dangers and requirements that come with a hero's profession. Pros risk their lives every day, and in order to even make a livelihood out of it, they need to achieve a certain amount of success and visibility. Frankly, I'd advise anyone with a less than exceptional quirk, either in terms of combat ability or versatility, to think very carefully about undertaking this career path. To think of someone without a quirk attempting it..." Midoriya's head dropped again. "I... I see... But what if...?" The boy bit his lip and trailed off with a conflicted look. He shook his head, apparently reaching some private conclusion, and continued. "It's just... I've always admired you so much! Saving people with a fearless smile is just about the most inspiring and incredible thing one can do! If only everyone followed your example-" "I should hope they wouldn't have to!" Toshinori interjected decisively. "You know, the world I dream of is one where only few of the very strongest have to bear the hero's burden, so that all the more people can be free to enjoy their lives without fear or extreme sacrifices. We aren't there yet, not by a long shot, but..." He allowed himself a little smile. "I'm sure happy to know I'm inspiring courageous and driven citizens such as yourself." Midoriya's face immediately acquired a marked tomato hue. A small barrage of stuttered thanks followed. Toshinori raised a hand to stop him. "Look, kid. Your heart is in the right place and there's nothing worthier in life than pursuing your dreams, but... I cannot in good conscience encourage you to follow a path that would ultimately destroy you. You have no hope of becoming a hero - no hope to survive as a hero without a quirk, and a damn good one at that. As you can see..." Toshinori gestured towards himself, unable to keep his smile from turning sour. "Not even I can be a hero like me without using my quirk." Midoriya took it better than Toshinori was expecting, all things considered. Those anxious eyes roved around his gaunt form for a few moments, sympathetic and a tad disturbed. But the boy's features soon composed themselves into a look of calm thoughtfulness. "I understand." He nodded, straightening up his back, only to curl slightly upon himself all over when doubt reared its head again. "I guess... I'll just have to find a different solution..." "Indeed. If helping people is your goal, there are plenty of professions that regularly achieve that. Healthcare professionals, lawyers, policemen, firefighters, social workers-" "I know, I know..." Midoriya's expression became distant. No doubt it wasn't the first time he received such a speech. Children these days received their first career advice as early as primary school, during the mandatory quirk counselling sessions, to help them better understand how their abilities could be nurtured and directed into constructive endeavors for the benefit of the whole community. Now that Toshinori thought of it... did quirkless children like Midoriya even receive any such counselling? The program didn't exist when Toshinori himself was a kid, so he realized he didn't quite know. A lack of career counselling would explain the boy's irrealistic hopes. "If you are dead set on working in the heroics field, there are options there as well." Toshinori added, determined to do at least one thing right that day and offer the poor kid a grain of useful advice. "Have you considered working as a support item engineer or as a quirk analyst, for example? You certainly seem to have the qualities for jobs like these." "Uh? How can you say that?" "I took the liberty of flipping through your notebook before signing it." Toshinori tapped his temple as the boy's cheek tinged with pink again. He really wore his heart on his sleeve, didn't he? "You seem to have quite a well-organized mind, and keen observation skills. If I were you, I wouldn't underestimate how far those two talents could bring you in the right field." "Ah... Thank you! I- it's just a hobby, nothing more! But thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question! And give me advice! And listen to-" It devolved into another short stream of gratefulness and humility. Toshinori deemed his impromptu orientation session a job decently done and he finally stood up. His left side gave a sharp twinge. He couldn't wait to be back home, stun it with a generous helping of ibuprofen and hopefully catch up on a few hours of sl- ah crap, he'd left his grocery bag near the manhole he had emerged from, hadn't he? Maybe it would be quicker to just do the whole shopping again at the closest convenience store... "Now, about what you just saw..." Toshinori approached the boy, lowered his voice and scanned his surroundings automatically, as if there was anyone who could overhear them on the small rooftop they were standing on. "I don't think I need to point out that it would be really, really bad if voices of a secretly emaciated Symbol of Peace were to start circulating, on the web or by other venues-" Midoriya raised his head from the deep bow he had maintained for the last good minute, eyes wide. "O-oh! Of course-" "But I'm going to do it anyway. It would be really bad. Catastrophic. Not only for me, because I would know exactly who put the rumors forth and I would have some choice words for said source, smash being one of them." He had meant it in jest, but the terrified expression on Midoriya's face warned him not to put too much faith on the boy's sense of humour. He showed the palms of his hands in the universal gesture for I'm not going to smash anything. "...I'm joking! Obviously. But I do need to know if I can count on your utmost discretion." "O-Of course! Your secret is safe! I swear it on my life, All Might! No one will know!" There was no doubting the fervor radiating from Midoriya's every pore. Toshinori nodded and squeezed the boy's shoulder while also not-so-subtly pushing him towards the door to the stairs. "Good to know, good to know. Now, let us both be off." Toshinori moved towards the exit as well, patting the pocket of his cargo pants. "I have to hand this guy over to the nearest precinct before-" His hand patted rough cloth and the wiry muscle of his thigh, and nothing inbetween. Toshinori stopped in his tracks and checked his right pocket. Then his left one. Both empty. He gazed around the rooftop in confusion, noticing a clear lack of plastic containers on the barren expanse of concrete. "Hey, have you seen..." He started, glancing at Midoriya. Who was staring at his empty pockets in obvious distress, both hands covering his mouth as if to keep himself silent. Something cold gripped Toshinori's scrambled insides. "...the bottles... where..." Toshinori's sleep-deprived brain pieced it all together with frustrating slowness. Loose trousers pockets. Clingy boy. Hundreds of kilometres per hour. Gravity. RIght on cue, a loud explosion made them turn their heads in unison, and a black cloud of smoke erupted among a cluster of buildings a little to the south of the one they were standing on. "...Shit." A small part of Toshinori's mind added 'cursing in front of a child' to the impressive streak of fuck-ups he was accumulating in a single day, but most of his evidently dwindling faculties were busy trying to come up with a way to unravel the current predicament. He marched to the door without wasting another moment. "Go home. Take a detour if you have to, just stay well away from there." "It's my fault." Once again, despite Toshinori's better judgement, the boy's words compelled him stop. Even muffled by Midoriya's hands, his whispers sounded positively agonized. "I made you drop them. It's my fault. Oh God, what do I...?" "What? Don't be absurd! You didn't do anything, I should have-" It came out more harshly than he thought, and the kid's horrified eyes snapped back to him. God, he hated seeing him blame himself for what was clearly Toshinori's blunder - a blunder unworthy of the greenest of rookies, let alone of the celebrated number one hero - but there was really no time to waste self-recriminating. "Look, just go home. I'll-" "I can't! None of this would have happened if I'd just-" Midoriya burst out, halting his own words just as abruptly and wringing his hands guiltily. "I have to help! I can help! Let me-" "All right then." Toshinori said, and his ready agreement shocked the boy into silence just as he had expected. Telling him to wait around and do nothing wasn't going to work with that hero-obsessed mentality of his, so he chose a different approach. "Here's what you'll do. You'll stay here until you've calmed down enough to keep your wits about you. Then you'll go to the nearest police station - there's one just over there - and tell the officers what just happened. Minus the part where you've seen me like this, obviously-" "How's that going to help?! They can see the smoke, by the time I get there they'll already know-" "We don't know if that explosion is the villain's doing. It might be unrelated, and in that case the villain would be still at large." Toshinori explained with his most commanding tone, despite the urge to dash off. "Even if it is connected to the villain, I scooped him up into two bottles. We don't know if each half is capable of causing damage on its own. You have to alert the police so that they can start searching for both as quickly as possible. I'll take care of whatever that accident is." Despite the panic, Midoriya seemed to process his words. He gulped, and gave him a worried once-over. "But... can you fight again? Even like that?" "Tsk! I'd expect more trust from a fan." One more for the road, Toshinori coached himself. He reached into his quirk and flexed, his muscle form puffing up dutifully and his trademark smile slotting back in place. He gave the boy a confident thumbs up. "I'll have this solved before you can blink!" Toshinori flung himself down the stairway before Midoriya could come up with more objections. He managed five flights of stairs before his quirk failed him again and one hundred and eighty kilos of muscles went up in steam. He stumbled as he coughed up more blood, his scar hurting like it was trying to murder him, but he didn't stop. Hopefully the boy would follow his orders and make himself marginally useful, and more importantly he would keep himself out of trouble and away from the danger zone. Meanwhile, Toshinori... well, he'd have to clean up his own mess in some way or another.

Izuku stood stock-still for a good minute before his body reconnected to his brain. A lot had happened in the last half an hour, there was... there was a lot to unpack there. First things first, his duty. The admittedly sensible instructions given to him by All Might himself. Point number one was regaining a semblance of lucidity. His legs felt like jelly, so he simply let himself slump to the ground and breathe deeply. Never in a million years, not even in the darkest and most conspiratorial corners of the net, Izuku would have ever imagined to discover what he had discovered about All Might. All Might had a quirk... that debilitated him? Some sort of temporary performance-enhancing boost that wore his body down whenever he used it? Because what Izuku had just seen wasn't the body of a healthy person, not even remotely. Pale, hunched, with barely any flesh hanging from his still oversized bones, with sunken eyes and non-existent cheeks. Totally unperturbed by the gush of blood spurting from his mouth, as if that was a perfectly ordinary occurrence. Was it the result of decades of continued usage? Was Japan's Symbol of Peace constantly and deliberately harming himself in order to do his job? Izuku had experienced firsthand that powerful quirks came with unforeseen drawbacks, but this... this was... This was none of his business, Izuku chided himself. All Might was... All Might. Number one hero. An unprecedent and yet unsurpassed phenomenon. He knew what he was doing, for sure. It was presumptuous of Izuku to even doubt that he did. He had said he would take care of things, and he was certainly going to. Izuku scratched his head furiously, as if to rid himself of those intrusive thoughts. He felt better, more grounded. Time to move onto step two. He made his way down the stairs and out of the building, slowly, mindful of the lingering dizziness, careful not to trip and cause himself and others further troubles. The street was full of curious onlookers glancing at the rising column of smoke, filming it with their phones and chattering about it among themselves. Luckily, Izuku spotted a policeman almost immediately, as he was busy trying to disperse the small crowds and redirect the traffic. He recounted his tale, purged from gossip-inducing details, to the zealous officer, who promptly reported it to his superiors via his radio. There, he'd accomplished his task. Quick and effortless. The last item on his to-do last was heading home. Izuku stood on the sidewalk, contemplating the enlarging black cloud. Smaller explosions could still be heard popping in the air now and then. It had been at least ten minutes since All Might's departure and, judging by the heated talking coming from the officer nearby, the crisis hadn't been solved yet. Izuku thought back of how All Might had left the building using the stairs, instead of one of his much quicker, much more efficient leaps. A gnarling unease gripped his stomach, and his feet started moving on their own. He just couldn't get it out of his head. His idol's shrunken body, the immense tiredness that seeped through his every movement when in that form, his stern request for discretion. Your very life and safety may depend on your discretion, Izuku. Izuku shivered. Accidents aside, he had acted for the best, hadn't he? Despite everything... Civilians were not allowed to use quirks freely on public grounds, even though exceptions could be made in case of blatant self-defense. But even if he had used his quirk to stop the sludge villain by himself, what would he have done afterwards? He doubted he could use his newly acquired quirk effectively, and in a quirkless fight against an adult, he would have gotten the short end of the stick anyway. Not to mention the aftermath. Questions. His quirk revealed. Suspicion and distrust. Izuku's legs brought him to the site of the accident in a rushed daze, as his thoughts wandered in circles. He peered beyond the crowd of onlookers, and the scene he witnessed froze the blood in his veins. It was a disaster. The sludge villain was indeed responsible for it, and he had a hostage as well, tightly wrapped in layers and layers of goo. Numerous fires surrounded the captor and his victim, the heat and destruction giving them an almost hellish appearance. Almost half a dozen of heroes were already involved, but none of them seemed capable of creating an opening or coming up with a plan to face the situation. A veritable tragedy was unfolding before everyone's eyes, and no one was moving an inch to stop it. Izuku gazed around in a frenzy, searching for the one man who could and would solve it all. He spotted him quickly enough, his wild blond mane making him easy to pinpoint even with his gaunt frame huddled against a wall. All Might, the number one hero, looked like he was barely managing to stand on his feet. Hunched over, jaw clenched, one hand holding onto the nearest lamppost, the other clutching his side tightly, bright blue eyes dimmed in frustration and trained on the grim spectacle unfolding in the fiery lane. The sight dispelled any remaining doubt in Izuku's mind. All Might couldn't intervene. He couldn't use his quirk freely, either because of some pre-existing hard limit, or in fear of the repercussions it would have on his body. He had had to waste some of his limited stamina to save Izuku earlier that day - save him from a danger that Izuku could have, should have at least tried to handle himself - and now he was too drained to help. And the current hostage was paying for that - Izuku's heart nearly stopped as said hostage suddenly thrashed about enough to free a small portion of his face, enough for Izuku to recognize him, as more explosions boomed and set ablaze more of the surrounding buildings. Kacchan. Izuku moved without thinking, his mind blank. In that moment, he couldn't think about anything - not his father's recommendation, not his fear of exposure, not his weakness or inexperience, not the Symbol of Peace, not even his crushing guilt - except one thing. He couldn't let Kacchan die for his mistakes. A lot happened, very quickly, too quickly for him to process. The crowd and the heroes screamed. The villain saw him and readied a blow. Izuku barely dodged it by bodily throwing himself to the side, blindly. He landed hard on something that felt like overheated metal, but it didn't hurt too much. A slimy arm impacted solidly against the asphalt, missing him by mere centimetres. Goo from the monstruous limb splattered all around, staining his clothes. Without thinking, he reached for the green mass with both hands, let his palms sink into it, closed his eyed to focus and just did it. There was a strong gust of wind, as if a very fast car had suddenly raced past him and barely missed him, at the same time as he heard the asphalt crack a little to his left. Suddenly, all went perfectly still and silent. Izuku gulped, and forced his eyes open. The first thing he saw was All Might's massive back. Roaring muscles filling his oversized clothes amidst thin strands of steam, the hero was standing in full bulk right between him and the villain, his right arm raised and poised as if charging a punch, but completely motionless. There was no more sludge around Izuku's hands, nor anywhere in the street. Peeking between All Might's legs, Izuku saw Kacchan twitching weakly on the ground, and another person standing beside him. A thin, flabby-looking guy, with an ashen complexion and not a single hair on his head, face or bare chest. A blood-curling scream erupted from the man's - the villain's - mouth. As he stared in stark horror at himself - probably seeing his human limbs for the first time in his life, Izuku realized - the weird silence and stillness instantly receded. The heroes rushed forward to help Kacchan and apprehend the panicking criminal, the crowd cheered, and All Might turned to look at Izuku. There was no smile on his face. Izuku had never seen the Symbol of Peace without his usual cheery attitude. He realized the hero looked a lot less reassuring without it, and a lot more... purely, bleakly intimidating. The sheer magnitude of what Izuku had just done suddenly hit him like a train. He scrambled to his feet, heart beating wildly in his chest, and sprinted towards the closest alley. He heard All Might's voice calling to him, but he ignored it and ran, ran until his lungs burned with the effort and the tears made it impossible to see where he was going.

An undefined number of streets and turns and forks later, Izuku stopped. He collapsed against the closest wall, gasping for air and clutching at his jacket in a desperate effort not to succumb to hysteria. He'd done it. He'd used his quirk in front of a whole crowd of civilians and heroes. There was no hope of avoiding the consequences of that. Kacchan would dispel any doubt the police may have about what had transpired. Even though his childhood friend had kept quiet about it for years, out of... Fear? Respect? Leverage? Izuku honestly had no idea - there was no reason for him to shield him from the official investigations. It was out of Izuku's hands now. But maybe... maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. He had saved his friend from a gruesome fate, first of all, which was undoubtedly good. And maybe his father was plainly wrong, maybe their quirk could be tolerated, even accepted by society at large. Maybe even trained for the purpose of- "Midoriya!" Izuku's stomach did another somersault. All Might's skinny silhouette had just emerged from a nearby road and was approaching him quickly, one long arm raised to catch his attention. Oh God, Izuku had hoped he'd be too busy to chase him right off the bat. He'd hoped he could at least make it back home and talk with his father, with his mother before... "There you are! Why did you run off like- Hey, are you hurt?" All Might asked, immediately grabbing his arm to support him when Izuku wobbled dangerously. The man eyed his side worriedly, and Izuku finally remembered to check it himself. His jacket was torn and singed where he had fallen on the burning debris, but the layers of clothing underneath were surprisingly intact, and so was Izuku. "No no, I'm fine, thank you. I just... I guess I was scared of being told off for rushing in." Izuku offered with a poor attempt at a smile. "More afraid of being reproached than of facing a villain head on? You're an odd one, all right." All Might chuckled, visibly amused. "Law enforcers can be sticklers for non-professional quirk usage rules, but I don't think you would have gotten into too much trouble, all things considered." "I-I see... well... I guess I'll have to deal with it anyway, sooner or later..." "Ah... Not necessarily. I don't think anyone other than me realized what you did. In fact..." All Might rubbed the back of his neck with an oddly embarassed grimace. "I think I may have... sort of accidentally taken the merit of what happened back there. People saw me and just assumed I smashed the sludge off the villain faster than the eye can see. Journalists were already showing up and I was running quite low on stamina, so I scampered off before, you know... " He gestured at himself eloquently. "I can release an official statement later to rectify the matter, if you want. I'd hate to steal the spotlight of an aspiring hero." Izuku blinked. No one else knew? Kacchan hadn't talked? Or had All Might fled before he could hear his account? Probably the latter. And... "Aspiring hero?" "Indeed. It seems I have made some wrong assumptions about you." All Might positively beamed, ruffling his own hair and regarding Izuku with a sort of challenging grin that made Izuku squirm on the spot. "You aren't quirkless at all, are you?" "I never said I was..." Izuku tried to deflect lamely, hoping not to sound too cheeky. All Might merely laughed in response. "Very true! A variant of Erasure, isn't it? I've never seen any Erasure quirk work on mutant types, but I guess it is true that the new generations are naturally more endowed." "Uh... Y... Yeah..." Izuku heard himself say. He... He didn't want to lie. There wasn't even any point in lying considering that Kacchan was going to expose the truth anyway. But Izuku's mouth had been basically running on autopilot since his idol had materialized into his life, and his brain seemed to have lost the computational power to rein it in when said hero was in the vicinity. "That's good! Very good! Why would you be concerned about not using your quirk?" All Might scratched his chin thoughtfully. He seemed strangely unbothered by the fact that Izuku hadn't corrected him earlier, prompting him to waste valuable time of his day to bestow misplaced advice. "I guess Erasers tend to be somewhat at a disadvantage with rescue operations and solo missions... But I can assure you that, when it comes to apprehending villains, any combat specialist would beg to be teamed up with an Eraser. They're the absolute best support in case of quirk misfires and misuse... As you've just proven yourself." All Might seemed hell bent on encouraging Izuku's dream, now that he saw a real chance of success for him. Izuku was... moved, honestly, and sincerely grateful. But the hero was, once again, wasting his words. That wasn't Izuku's quirk, Izuku's quirk was far more sinister in its mechanics, far less likely to be requested or even endorsed by the hero community. Far more powerful, frighteningly so. Would All Might even be standing so close to the boy, within an arm's length, if he knew what would befall him if a hint of greed or envy pushed Izuku to- "Don't look down on yourself, kid." A bony yet amicable hand squeezed Izuku's shoulder, ripping him out of his meandering thoughts. All Might was smiling openly, his voice tinged with a softness that was entirely at odds with his haggard looks. "Your quirk might be less flashy than others, but I've seen enough today to know that you're definitely hero material, both in skills and heart." The really important thing is recognizing your own flesh and blood. Recognizing yourself. Izuku had been thinking a lot about that old interview of All Might's lately. The closer the UA admission test got, the more he found himself doubting his father's pessimistic take on the villainous nature of their quirk, and the more he wondered if he shouldn't trust himself, recognize himself, with enough conviction that everyone else would simply have to trust and recognize him too, eventually. It was easier said than done, of course. Spending the first twelve years of his life as quirkless hadn't exactly geared him towards building oodles of self-confidence. But he had to start somewhere. And if there was anyone in the world who was likely to see and trust and recognize Izuku for who he was, villanous quirk or not... it had to be him. The man who was the living embodiment of hope, reliability, rectitude and positivity. The man who apparently had a quirk with such a detrimental side effect that he ought to avoid resorting to it like the plague, and yet who kept using anyway, for the sake of the people. The man who was standing right in front of Izuku, giving it his all to obliterate his insecurities with sensible and kind words, with something awfully akin to pride for him shining in his clear eyes. If there was anyone that could change Izuku's world, it was All Might. "I, ah... actually, I... that isn't my quirk." "Oh?" All Might would have raised an eyebrow, if he had any. "Then what is it?" "I..." Izuku gulped. "I can take quirks. From other people. Permanently. And use them as my own." Silence. Not a muscle had moved on All Might's face, but suddenly his smile seemed a lot less alive, and a lot more set in stone. Izuku willed himself to keep speaking. "That's what I did to the villain. I stole- I took his quirk. It was the fastest way to stop him. The only way I could think of. It... worked quite well, uh?" Izuku offered a tentative smile, at the same time as All Might's started to fade. That... didn't bode well. But of course not even All Might could react to such a piece of information with immediate enthusiasm, it was a lot to take in, Izuku understood that. No doubt any moment now he'd slip back into his pep talk, reassure him of his chances to become a hero, wipe away his insecurities with a blinding smile and a boisterous laugh- "Do you still have it? The villain's quirk?" All Might asked in a whisper. "I do." Izuku knew, without really needing to try it out. He knew it with the same certainty as he knew that he was thirsty, or that his side did in fact hurt a little bit, or that most of skin was constantly brushing against his clothes. It was an almost visceral sensation, both conscious and subconscious, that he couldn't quite put into words. "I could try to use it too, if I wanted. Although I d-don't, really. I don't think I'll want to see any more slime for the next ten years or so, especially not on myself. Or as myself..." Izuku chuckled nervously, his heart growing heavier as All Might's expression reverted to one of studied, rigid neutrality. For once in his life, words failed him completely. He wrung his hands in discomfort, hoping that All Might would be the one to break that increasingly worrying silence. But his fidgeting caught the hero's attention. Very slowly, as if trying not to spook a wild animal, All Might's hand left Izuku's shoulder and took the boy's hand in his own, turning it over. He straightened the curled fingers with his thumb, fully exposing his palm and the small, circular hole right in the center of it. And then all of Izuku's hopes crumbled to dust. Very scary, very disturbing things had happened to him that day. He had almost died, he had almost accidentally killed a friend, he had inadvertedly learned a potentially peace-endangering secret, he had been forced to reveal a personally-endangering secret. He could have lived with all of that, probably. But nothing could have prepared him for the subtle shaking of All Might's hand as he observed the stigmata of Izuku's quirk. Nothing could have humiliated more than the sharp inhale of his idol, than the way his breath caught in his throat in obvious shock. Nothing could have confirmed his father's warnings more than the one thing he would have never, never, never expected to see - let alone cause - in the eyes of the Symbol of Peace. Fear.

[colourfullsims]

An Overdue Update

Hey there! Long time no see.

It’s been quite a while since my last update (and several times that I’ve said I would update that fell through lol), but I think it’s finally the perfect time to tell you all what’s been going on behind the scenes. I’ve kept most of you all in the dark with no explanation for my hiatus for months now, but with the end of the year upon us, I want things out in the open before moving into 2021. I will warn you now, that this will be a long post, because there’s a lot of backstory I have to lay out to explain everything. There will also be some brief mentions of emotional manipulation and emotional abuse in the beginning of this post, which I will be content tagging for safety, so please skip over the first question if you would like to avoid this subject.

Now without further ado, I will be answering some frequently asked questions, starting with:

Q: Where did you go?

The short answer to this is that I took a very long, unwanted break from the community, but that answer doesn’t really suffice in explaining why. Typically, I like to keep things lighthearted and chill on this blog, because much of the reason why I play the Sims and do storytelling is for escapism. Things that happened this year took that away from me.

This spring, I broke up with my long term boyfriend of five years. With that separation came a lot of heartache, guilt, and stress for a variety of reasons. We’d been together since my days in undergrad and had shared so many intimate experiences together: graduations, moving out of state into our first “grown up” apartment, birthday trips to our favorite cities. We had inside jokes that I still find myself wanting to make with him, because after so much of our lives intertwined together, he’d essentially become my best friend. But things ended between us for good reason.

Despite the good that came out of that relationship, there was a fair amount of emotional manipulation/abuse that went on, early as the first few months of us being official. Sometimes it was subtle things: when we first started dating, I was in my final year of undergrad and doing all I could to bring up my gpa and buff up my resume, so that I could increase my chances of getting into my grad school of choice. Frequently, he would comment on my academic successes as if they would be the thing that would break us up. I remember presenting a paper on a panel, facing my fear of public speaking head on, and I was so proud of the work I’d put into it all, and then hours later coming back to my student apartment to tell him how it went, and the first words out of his mouth were, “Someday you’re gonna get too smart and leave me behind.” And that wouldn’t be the last time he said some iteration of that phrase to me, and every time it would feel like he was praying I would slow down so he wouldn’t feel I was outgrowing him. Even when I finally did get accepted to my dream school, my first thought after my excitement was that when I told him the news, he wouldn’t be happy for me. My decisions for my future became personal slights to him: I had to move from the midwest out to NYC to attend grad school, and even though I discouraged him from following me if he didn’t want to live in the city (which he 100% did not), he followed me anyway and hung that decision over my head like a giant reminder of some debt that I owed him. I regret not following my gut then and my failure to recognize the red flags, because I would go on to spend 3 more years after our move losing myself as he clutched onto me, in what I can only assume with the hope that if he held on tight enough, that I wouldn’t leave him behind. 

When I look at the more overt signs of my ex’s possessiveness, I realize I should have shared what was going on more with the people close to me: in the early stages on our relationship, he’d already done destructive things like slashing the tires of a guy I had been seeing earlier that same year, and punching a hole into the wall of my student apartment. He’d gone through all my messages on social media, my texts, my emails, all to find out about old crushes that he suspected I might still be in contact with. He even went as far as reading through my private journal, which I previously wrote in daily, but now I struggle to write in more than a few times a year, for fear of my privacy being invaded again. In the wake of realizing our relationship was failing, instead of ending things, I put my energy into hoping that he would do better, and I hid what was happening from my family and friends, to the point that I avoided their messages and phone calls. I isolated myself in increasing measures as time went on until I was too timid to do most things outside of my apartment without my ex-boyfriend by my side. The reason I stayed so long is because of these combined things: the sense of owing him my time after uprooting his life, the fact that I was both physically and mentally separated from my support systems, the feeling of familiarity that had grown from shared experiences and time, and largely, this overwhelming self imposed desire to not appear as though I had failed my relationship.

Largely, 2020 has been an absolute trash fire, but I can thank this year for one thing; putting me into a situation of such unrest that I could no longer ignore that I was not living the life I wanted or deserved.

After our breakup, I moved back to my parents’ place and stayed there while the remainder of my lease in New York ran out. When I originally left, I only brought back a small suitcase and backpack filled with essentials and valuable items that I couldn’t leave behind in my apartment, so I had to return again to retrieve my things, which, as you can imagine, was not fun. Not only was traveling during covid a nightmare, my ex was threatening to throw all my stuff out of our apartment, so I had to scramble to get a flight, a hotel, moving equipment, and a moving service arranged on the fly so I could retrieve everything (and when I got there, he had smashed one of my laptops). In summation, from our break up to finally moving out completely, this all happened over the span of mid-spring to the 1st of August.

Since then, I’ve been keeping myself sparse on the internet, partially because I needed the time to recover from the entire experience, and partially because frankly, I’ve been afraid of my ex monitoring any of my accounts to keep tabs on me. He was fully aware of this blog, and since in recent years it's been the only account I’ve kept up with, I was afraid of him trying to find out where I am and what I’ve been doing through here. I’ve only felt comfortable reblogging others content for the past few months.

So that’s where I’ve been. Which brings us to the next question:

Q: What happened to Love Island?

Over the past few months, I’ve received several asks and messages about whether or not I still planned on doing the Love Island challenge, as well as words of concern about my well being. I want to start by acknowledging all those messages by first apologizing to anyone I didn’t get back to: the majority of you got the sense that I was overwhelmed or burnt out, as most of us have been this year, and I really thank you for still having any interest in seeing me do any type of content after I essentially ghosted you all lol. I really appreciate all the well wishes too.

But I also received this:

Which, 1) I don’t know if this was either impeccable timing or horrible timing on your part, considering I planned on writing this update before this landed in my inbox.

And 2),

I don’t know if you were a reader or one of the participants selected for the challenge, but I’m sorry you’re disappointed about me not following through with the challenge. I was really excited to do it when I made the casting call, was ecstatic about the number of creators who submitted complex and diverse sims, and I had even completed the villa and started working on shooting the premiere. But as you can see from everything above, life happened. I wish this year had been more stable so that I could have done the challenge with no problem. 

But I’m not going to apologize for making the choices I needed to to preserve my mental health and safety.

That being said, it’s been so many months since I originally pitched the challenge; many of the creators who were selected are now inactive or have deactivated. And honestly, I didn’t know whether you all would even want the challenge at the point, I mean…? It’s winter time now, and Love Island was definitely more of a summer themed challenge lol.

As it stands, I don’t know if I will be picking up where I left off with the Love Island challenge. I certainly still have some interest in doing it; I built a whole set and had an entire schedule of challenges and dates planned for the project. But I don’t know if I can move forward with the original cast, or if I would have to do a new casting call to fill the spaces of inactive creators. So...I guess I would need feedback from you all. Would you want Love Island still?

Q: What are you planning to do now?

Right now, I’m doing whatever makes me happy. I’m in a much better place than I was about 6 months ago, and I don’t feel the same anxiety about posting as I did. For now, I might just post some casual gameplay until I know whether or not I’m moving forward with Love Island. I’m just happy to come back to do what I love.

So there you have it. 2020 kicked my ass in some really heart wrenching ways, and I needed some time to not worry about keeping up with content creation and just worry about taking care of me. Now that I’m a little more stable, I want to come back, even if it’s just simple stuff for now. To those of you who have stuck around waiting to see if I’d ever pick my projects back up, thank you so much, and I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting this long lol. For the time being, all I have to offer is a very long overdue Follower’s Gift: I will be hosting a giveaway for my followers this week, where I will be giving away $40 worth of sims content each to 3 followers. I’ll have more details about the giveaway tomorrow when the official post goes live.

If you made it this far thank you for reading this long mess, and I’ll see you all soon!

~Cam

[loopy-froots]

Introduction Post! (TW: SA, PTSD, etc.)

Hello slasher fandom! I’m fairly new to this side of tumblr, so forgive me if I don’t understand how all this works yet! I just thought I’d introduce myself because I’ve already posted drawings and fanfiction writings so far, but maybe some of you want to know who’s behind it? If not that’s totally fine, just keep scrolling! But if you’re curious, keep reading! Btw! I’d love to get to know any of you as well, so feel free so say hi! :^]

Facts about me:

I go by the name Donn on this blog (for safety reasons I won’t be sharing my actual or preferred name anywhere on this blog, sorry!)

I chose the name Donn because of the name coming from the Celtic god of dead souls (I’m a Celtic witch by blood so I thought it’d be fitting)

My preferred pronouns when I write are she/they (leaning towards she atm because of some personal issues I deal with irl, but irl I prefer they/them more strictly… does that make any sense?)

Anyways, I’m 18+ and I very much prefer my viewers to be 18+ ONLY because of the NSFW content I post… and I also don’t want to influence anyone that impressionable cuz I have a kinda fucked up mindset atm…

But I hope that’s alright! I know kids will do what they want, and there’s not always much we can do to stop it, but please just be respectful of my wishes and DNI!

I have severe PTSD from many irl traumas that have happened to me throughout my life, and I currently live in an kind of abusive household, so my mental health has not been good…

That’s partially why I started drawing and writing fandom stuff cuz it’s currently what’s keeping me going!

I have diagnosed Adhd, but I take meds for it and am doing slightly better with my productivity! That’s why I’ve been able to crank out as much content as I have in the past few days!

I have undiagnosed autism, but it’s a work in progress cuz I’m like pretty sure I am autistic (for many reasons, the more you get the know me the more obvious it’ll get)

I am disabled in many ways: chronic physical and mental pain/illnesses, hard of hearing, etc.

I’m extremely liberal so DNI if you’re gonna be a bigot or anything cuz I will block you!

I have a partner (Who does not know about this blog yet cuz I’m v shy about sharing this kinda stuff with the people I love… partially cuz of my trauma from past relationships)

Ive suffered from THREE separate abusive romantic relationships… all of which kinda fucked with my head… so forgive my insecurities and everything! (I’m working on it tho!) but this partner I’m currently with is AMAZING AND LOVING so I’m v happy with them!

TW! I’m a S/A survivor, and it was by a friend I trusted, so I get very skittish by people irl because of the betrayal… but I find it easier to get to know people online cuz it’s not as traumatic imo

As you can see, I overshare EVERYTHING for literally no reason… like it just gushes out of me without me being able to stop it… Sorry if you’re unhappy with it! Feel free to block me if it bothers you!

I am currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist!! They both help me a lot with functioning as a normal person (even tho there’s no real such thing as a “normal” person imo, but it helps me survive in the society I live in)

I used to be goth, but now I’m forever torn between being goth again or being a cottagecore lesbian lol (I usually dress femme even tho my brain makes me feel like a boy a lot of the time…?)

I am extremely bisexual! Like holy shit! How come everyone is so hot?? Lol but seriously, I go all ways (I know some people say that’d make me pan but I prefer the term bisexual over being pan)

I used to be a little, but I’m not anymore because too many people took advantage of me when I was in my little mindset… I don’t let myself regress anymore unless I’m absolutely alone, but that’s rarely ever (my little age was around 10 btw)

I am extremely sensitive and am an empath! I feel my emotions EXTREMLY STRONG so I overreact to everything, am very passionate about the things I’m in love with, and cry at any given moment! I cannot and will not help it! I’ve been told too many times that I’m too sensitive and that I’m a crybaby and that my heart is too big for my body, but I don’t care anymore! Im refusing to see this as anything but a blessing for now on! Sensitive bitches are the baddest bitches lol

I used to get lots of hallucinations/psychosis, but I take meds for it and am now much better and less paranoid!

I still get paranoid about social situations tho for time to time, as im a very insecure person :(

Im a switch/power bottom! I like to be dominant on occasion, but I prefer to be a bratty sub most of the time!

I am a collector of taxidermy things!! I have several insects on my walls, as well as animal paw jewelry! If you don’t like it that’s alright! Just don’t tell me cuz I will block you! I make sure all my collection items are from humane sources and all the animals die naturally in the wild!

I am a HARDCORE clown/masked person fan… like clowns are sooo gay and sexy like why must you jingle jangle your lil clown bells when you dance like that??😩 and masked persons are just so mysterious and sexy omg

Cicero fro Skyrim was literally my clown sexual awakening… murder clown man… with a squeaky voice… yes… must have!

My first sexual awakening tho was probably Danny Phantom (Which is sooo funny cuz my partner actually named themself after him… coincidence? I think not! God does have a plan! Lol jk… unless?🥺👉🏻👈🏻)

Yes, I use the 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 emojis unironically… no, I’m not proud of it😔

HMU if you relate to any of this or just want to be friends! I’m literally so desperate for friends cuz my old roommate made me cut ties with them and then they spread rumors about me to all my other friends until no one would talk to me anymore… :( so I’m v lonely run…

But anyways, yeah that’s basically me… a huge mess but I’m on my way to getting better I guess…?

If you’re still reading all of this, THANK YOU KIND BEING! You are unlike any other…🥺❤️

Okay bye loves!

[tagsecretsanta]

From @Thundergeek59

to @little-old-rachel

Secret Santa does not own this work, full credit to the author mentioned above!

AN: This is only my second fic and I thought it was only going to be a couple of paragraphs, however, Jeff decided to take this over totally and ran away with it. I now know what you writers mean when you say your characters take over!  I hope you like it, I had fun writing it

Rating: Gen/Family fun

Wordcount: 2900 ish

Jeff sat up and swing his legs over the side of the bed, toeing on his slippers.  It was still dark as he reached for his cane and shrugged his dressing gown round his shoulders. “May as well get up as toss and turn in bed”.  Stuffing his communicator cuff in his pocket, he padded out his door and headed to the kitchen.  

Grabbing a small bottle of juice and a couple of biscuits he headed out towards the pool deck and sat on one of the loungers.  Idly munching the biscuit he gazed at the pool, lit up by the underwater lights, and his mind wandering back to Gordon’s pre-Olympic training when he used to time him with his stopwatch, then chuckling as he remembered having to dive-bomb his little fishie in a vain effort to get him out of the pool, several hours later. 

“Oh Lucy, our little fish is all grown and you’d be so proud of him – of all of them”

With a sigh, he pulled himself up on his cane and continued walking down the path to the beach where Virgil had thoughtfully built a bench for him so he didn’t have to sit on the sand, which only thinly covered the sharp volcanic rock.  From here he could look out to the bird colony on Mateo.  He remembered his first few weeks back home,  when easily overwhelmed by boys and noise, he had sought the solitude by the beach.  Just listening to the waves ebb and flow calmed his mind.  

He looked to the red glint just gracing the edges of the horizon and realised Gordon would be up soon to power though his pool routine while Scott would be just behind, setting off round the island on his daily run.  Eight years and some things never changed while others were irredeemably different.

It was Virgil who caught him by surprise with a hand gently placed on his shoulder. “Hey dad, we’re going to get the tree now, do you want to come along?”  “Thanks for the offer but I think I better stay and help your Grandma with dinner preparations.” He declined. “You sure?  We’d love you to join us and anyway, Max is there to help in the kitchen and Ridley and Kayo will be available to fix any potential culinary catastrophes”.

“I’d only be a hindrance with this”  he replied, waving his stick.  “Actually dad, I have an idea I think you might like”.  Intrigued, Jeff let himself be persuaded, hoping he wouldn’t regret it.

As soon as Virgil had set down Two at the edge of the forest, Scott and John set about configuring a suitable pod.  With Gordon awaiting the arrival of Lady Penelope and Alan still in bed, the party consisted of Jeff and his three eldest and he was looking forward to just doing something social with his boys, a nice change from being ferried to hospital appointments.  He was, however, starting to wonder what form Virgil’s surprise idea would take when he heard a soft cough behind him, announcing said son’s arrival.

The sight that greeted him as he turned around was not what he was expecting.  In front of Virgil was a fully functioning hoversleigh, complete with T2’s green livery with the addition of red flames down the side, a red padded seat with a matching throw.  Words failed him, causing a worried frown to appear between Virgil’s brows, until a deep chuckle rose from Jeff, and a smile twitched at the corner of Virgil’s mouth, pleased that his dad had felt comfortable enough to let his lighter side out.  “Certainly is different” laughed Jeff as Virgil helped him into the sleigh.

Scott and John’s faces were a picture as the hatch descended with Virgil and their father.   “Oh my word, you really did it!” John exclaimed as both brothers tried to stifle their guffaws when they saw their father with a green bobble hat and gloves, looking like one of Santa’s helpers sitting in the sleigh.

“Well, I’d been tinkering with the old hover bikes back at the ranch and decided to see how far I could take the modifications and, well, here she is...”

“Well, let’s see what this baby can do” said Jeff as he pushed the controller forward and... nothing.  A quizzical look at Virgil “Safety feature.  You gotta push the red button first but be careful, I haven’t fully tested.....” He couldn’t finish the sentence due to the cloud of snow covering him. 

“WooHooooo” Jeff whooped as he surged forward down the track, leaving them all brushing snow off themselves.

“You do remember that he likes to go very, very fast” Scott said

“Yep, better jump in the pod and catch him before he heads out of sight” added John. ‘C’mon Virg, hop on”.

Scott steered the pod at speed, following the trail of snow kicked up by the sleigh. After several hair-raising twists and turns Jeff had managed to turn the sleigh into a clearing and was doing doughnut spins, thoroughly enjoying himself.  Finally he came screeching to a halt mere inches from his sons, who were once more coated with a dusting of snow.  “Gee Virgil, that’s gotta be the best fun I’ve had in years!  Reminds me of that time Lee and I tested out the moon rover on Alfie.”

“I’m pleased you had fun, but I hadn’t got around to telling giving you the low-down on all it’s features”.  

“Well, as an Airforce pilot you kinda just learn on the job, part of the fun really, isn’t that right Scott”.   “Sure dad, but you just about gave me a heart attack back there.”  “Ah sorry, Scotty, but you gotta admit, if it had been you trying her out, you’d have done the exact same thing”.  “I guess so” Scott conceded.

While Jeff and Scott had been talking, John had been surveying area, seeking out the perfect tree.  “That one, over there, what do you think Vigil”.  “Looks good to me, lemme bring the pod into position” Virgil replied as he hopped up onto the pod and drove it over to the tree, Scott and Jeff following in it’s wake.  

“Ok guys let’s do this.  John, you take that side.  Virgil, get into position with the saw and dad and I will be over here to tell you when to stop cutting and get the pod grapples ready”  Pure IR commander front and centre. “Yes, and I’ll be shouting encouragement from the sidelines” chuckled Jeff.  He’d had time to see his boys work together over the past few months and marvelled at how seamlessly they all fitted together, deferring to each other’s greater expertise.  He’d learnt from bitter experience that his opinions on the best way for them to do something, more often than not screwed with their well oil system and got them second-guessing themselves, which was not what was needed in the field.

 He was fortunate, so fortunate that his boys had developed the way they had, working in the way they did and in the process, turning IR into something more than what he had originally envisaged.  He’d been away from it all for too long to be able to step back in and run it the way he had and he was coming to terms with that, despite how much his pride and sense of usefulness had been hurt.

“You’d have loved this Lucy – just look at our boys working so well together, just like they did when they were little”. 

“You ok dad?” John was first to notice the faraway look in his fathers’ eyes.  “Yes, I’m fine, just  telling your mother about you all”.  John gave Scott a look, who in turn quirked an eyebrow at Virgil. Virgil imperceptibly shook is head.  Jeff, watching the exchange and remembering how they had been doing this since they were children – saying so much without uttering a word.  “I know those looks, and no, I’m not crazy, you gotta remember that for 8 years I only had your mother to talk to, so it’s got to be a bit of a habit.”  

The boys looked anywhere but at their father, feeling caught out with muffled apologies.  “C’mon lets get this tree strapped onto the pod and back home” Virgil successfully diverted the conversation to the matter in hand.

It didn’t take too long to get back to Thunderbird 2, Jeff taking a slightly more sedate pace on the return journey.  What the boys didn’t know was that the reason for the slower pace would make itself apparent as soon as they exited the pod.

Whooooosh...... splat!  A perfect hit and a whoop of joy from the elf in the sleigh.  Scott looked down at the remains of the snowball that was gracing his uniform.  “You did not just snowball me, did you? Scott scooped up a handful himself “You know what that means.....”   “You wouldn’t hit an old man in a sleigh?” Words were barely out of his mouth when Whumph... direct shot to the sleigh, there followed a rapid volley from the sleigh to the other two sons. Virgil and John only had time to cast a quick glance at each other when they realised what was going on before  Boooooffffff..... fluuuuufffff.......Thwaaaak!  

In the meantime, Scott was building a small cache of snowballs, ever prepared, ready to dive into the fray.  He decided that his chances were better if he and Jeff teamed up against Virgil and John.  Whilst  Jeff could quickly manoeuvre the sleigh out of some of the shots, not all could be avoided.  Virgil had the strength and John had the trajectory calculations going on in his head, weighing up the best type of snowball for the distances involved – enough to make a good splatter but not hard enough to cause damage to sleigh or person. The were quite a formidable team against age and experience.

“Okay, okay, I concede defeat” Jeff laughed as one final snowball splattered against his gloved hands raised in mock surrender.  It had been a long time since he’d seen them rosy cheeked in the cold air, just enjoying themselves, “Well, I think it’s definitely time to head back to the Island” John shivered as they loaded pod, Christmas tree and sleigh onto Two’s elevator.   “But we need to make a quick stop off en-route” added Virgil.  “What could we possibly need on Christmas eve that we haven’t already got” Jeff queried.  “Wait and see” was his reply.

Thunderbird Two took off as soon as everyone was strapped in.  Virgil and Scott in the pilot and co-pilot seats with Jeff and John behind in the passenger seats.  Jeff regarded his middle son who was staring out of the window “Penny for your thoughts” he said.  “Hmm? Oh it’s nothing, just daydreaming really”.  “Uh huh, and would that daydream have anything to do with a lovely young astronaut that’s waiting for you back home?” asked Jeff. 

 John could feel the heat creeping up to his cheeks  “Maybe, just idly looking forward to having a few days downtime together.  Our schedules rarely coincide, so it’ll be nice to spend a few days dirtside with her”.  “You thinking of bringing her into the family business?” Jeff asked.   John had not seen that one coming and, clearly agitated, tried to steer the conversation away. Truth be told, he had thought about it but that would imply a whole load of commitment he wasn’t sure either of them could give right now.  

“Not really thought about it to be honest” was all he offered.  “You sure could do with some additional help up there on Five and she is a fully trained astronaut ....and... well, I like her”  You could have knocked John down with a feather.  What the heck had happened to his father and who was this amiable alien who had taken over his body!

Vigil raised and eyebrow at Scott while all this conversation was going on, realising it was touching on a subject neither of them had even dared ask John about.  Scott quirked an eyebrow back, a small smile dancing at the corner of his mouth.  He’d love to stay and listen in but felt it was getting into personal territory that neither of them had a right to enter without invitation.

“Just stopping off here for a few minutes guys.  Scott, wanna come with?” Virgil asked, the please remained unsaid but was clear from his expression.  “Sure, we’ll be back in no time, no need to get up you two.” Scott replied as they both exited the cockpit.

“Ok, I know, it’s not my place to interfere” Jeff continued “but take it from someone who’s been there, when you find someone you just feel totally comfortable with, you don’t just let it slip away.  I’ve seen you two together John, the way you interact, believe me, I’ve never seen you look so comfortable with anybody outside this family, with the exception perhaps of  Penny.” 

Clearly blindsided, John being John, wanted a bit more clarification “Dad, when you said family business, you didn’t just mean International Rescue, did you?”  “Well son, that would be up to you” Jeff left the ball in John’s court. 

 “This thing we have, it’s quite new and we’re having to work round rotas, so we haven’t actually had a great deal of time together. Certainly not enough to make as big a decision as I think you’re suggesting”.    “Son, sometimes you just gotta trust your gut and leave your head and logic to one side. That’s all I’m saying”. 

Their conversation was interrupted by Scott and Virgil entering the cockpit with several boxes carrying the logo of a well known Swiss chocolatier and four steaming takeaway cups.  “Thought we could all use some hot chocolate” Virgil passed out the cups to welcoming hands. “Just what we needed. Got anything in these boxes to go with the cocoa?” Jeff asked. “Sadly, these are for home. I promised Kayo we’d pick up some goodies for everyone to enjoy with our Christmas mimosas and I’d hate to be the one to tell her they didn’t make it home.” Replied Virgil.  “Well it’s a good job I popped into the patisserie down the road while you were busy getting the drinks and got these”  Scott beamed, clearly collecting extra brownie points as he carefully opened the smaller box, revealing the most wonderful choux pastry creations liberally topped with dark and white chocolate ganache, lightly dusted with edible glitter and gold leaf.  “Wondered where you’d wandered off to” mumbled Virgil mid-chew, trying not to spray glitter everywhere.  “You’re not the only one who knows the little out of the way places” 

“Neither of you would know about either of those places if Eos and I hadn’t scoped them out first” John huffed.  He was pleased the conversation had moved on from the rather uncomfortable personal probing of earlier and was quite happy to keep it that way.

 “Call it teamwork” Virgil added as he slipped into the pilot’s chair.  “Well, from what I see, teamwork is certainly something you boys excel at and I couldn’t be prouder” Jeff added as he raised his hot chocolate in salute to his eldest three.

Waiting to meet them in the hangar were the two youngest, Alan bouncing on the balls of his feet, Gordon trying unsuccessfully to hide his delight at the size of the tree that was appearing from Two.  What they hadn’t expected to see was hidden behind the tree. “Oh my God!” Gordon exclaimed as he caught a glimpse of green and red.  He and Alan ran over to check out what had caught his eye and of course, check out the tree.  

Wow, it’s a beaut” enthused Gordon, gently stroking the machine.  “I thought you were all talk when you were going on about fixing up one of the old hover bikes”.  Virgil just shrugged, enjoying the youngster’s reaction to his handiwork. “You even painted on the flames!” Alan shrieked in delight.

“Well, hello to you too” said Jeff, slightly miffed but totally understanding of their enthusiasm for the new piece of kit rather than welcoming him back.

“Oh, hi dad” Alan finally waved, not taking his eyes off the machine. “You know, I was the one your brother allowed to test drive that thing” Jeff added.  That got their attention.  “Aw Virgil, I thought I was your favourite brother” whined Gordon “You know it’s always been me” replied Alan as they both turned towards there father, their interest piqued.  Virgil just rolled his eyes.  “So, how was she? Was she fast? Did you fall out? Did you test it to it’s limits?” so many questions tumbled from Alan who was now more interested in what his father had to say. “Walk me to the elevator and I’ll tell you all about it” said Jeff putting an arm around Alan’s shoulder.  “C’mon Gordon” Alan gestured for his brother to join him.  Gordon ran over, slipping quietly under Jeff’s other arm.  Jeff positively beamed as he finally had their full attention and a new tale to enthral them.  

The three older brothers looked at each other and smiled.  It’d been a long time since they’d seen their dad so relaxed and happy. 

Definitely the best day he’d had since returning from the Oort cloud and perhaps a new Christmas precedent had been set with the hoversleigh for future tree collecting.

End

[best-enemies]

I have to write an actual review on Gallifrey TW4 for the podcast I’m in but I have a writer’s block, so here are some of my thoughts on the box because I need to yell about it somewhere and my friends are pissed that I keep yelling on twitter. Spoilers ahead!

Don’t expect anything coherent to come out of this post I’m just going to throw stuff in this post and if you get it you get it lol. It’s not like I have fully recovered from the blow anyway... 

Deception is a great introdution to the box and probably one of the best Gallifrey audios. I hate it when the OT4 gets separated (and that it happens all the time!), and in this case it happens between Narvin and Leela. However, it’s always great to see Leela working on her own and interacting with other people. When she tried to save those people from the resistance, the way she dealt with the situation even when she felt lost because she couldn’t trust her senses - a tool Leela values a lot as a warrior and a hunter - was absolutely incredible and it reminded me (not that I could ever forget that) of how much I love and admire her. 

Listening to them being inside the distortion field felt like a really bad trip 

All I could think throughout the box and not just Deception is that Leela had a crush on Eris and man I can’t blame her at all not only he was a great guy he’s really good looking and I got a crush on him too akshdashdkjaks

I don’t think I say this enough, but I really like Livia. She’s not evil, she just makes a lot of bad choices and she has this problem of being too much on the fence, which is not the characteristic of a true leader. She was never one. But still, even if I don’t remember the content of the earlier audios she’s in I’ve always liked her. And I liked that she finally chose a side in the end. I mean, she did when she helped the resistance, and that was a good beginning.

 Also can I interest you with my headcanon that she was Romana’s girlfriend at the Academy and they broke up? Lol Anyways, when she heard that Romana had “died” she was shocked and later on complimented her as a person and I kind of wish we saw more of them on good terms

Now, on Dissolution: I love Narvin. That’s pretty much it lol. Before starting Gallifrey my friend gave me a spoiler which was basically, “you’re gonna love Narvin”. Well, at first I really liked his voice - it was funny and cute and voices are an important thing to me. Of course, even if he seemed funny to me, unfortunately he was a total xenophobic asshole. He had convictions, he had layers which made him very interesting, but still, an asshole. Which makes me really proud to see how far he has come, how much he’s grown. When he joined Romana’s side I soon realized that my friend was right; Narvin had one of the best redemption arcs I’ve ever seen. He went from Romana’s political rival, if I could put it that way, to one of her most trusted allies and best friends. And he found out that he could still fight for and protect his home, but using the right tools, doing it the right way. Dissolution showed that contrast between the old Narvin and what he wanted and the new Narvin, and honestly? I could almost call this episode a moment of relief amongst the chaos. Narvin has become one of my favorite characters in the Whoniverse and one of my all time favorites as well.

Alright... now we get to Beyond *deep breaths*. So let’s start from the beginning, shall we? I spent months since listening to Unity living in a total hell not knowing if Romana was alive or not. I couldn’t believe that that was her ending, that she wouldn’t show up again for their last hurrah, and that my favorite companion ever was gone forever. But then, BF announced the cover, and the description for the episodes, and her name came up, and I could finally breath. My friend and I started theorizing that maybe Braxiatel had dematerialized the TARDIS around her and saved her in the last second - which is kind of what happened, I mean, the description said he wasn’t ready to give up on her! So they go to that place called Beyond, and shit happens. Those ravenous bitches were there eating people and shit. They even ate Narvin - I almost started crying in the middle of the bus, telling myself he wasn’t our Narvin, but he was a Narvin and it still hurt. I wanted to fight those ravenous myself. And not just that, Romana went through hell watching Leela die in front of her, and her reaction was really heartbreaking. 

Aaand that kind of brings me to a point here, something that bothered me. Romana and Brax, as always, spent the audio bickering a little, but they had their moments as well. Like when Brax says that it’s good to see her smile again, when he says (sorry I don’t remember it word by word) something like, she couldn’t die and that she’s supposed to be the best of the Time Lords, when she calls him her friend, and when she asks with a soft voice if he’s coming back to Gallifrey. And it was sweet. Like, they have a lot of issues, but they also have good feelings towards each other. Despite everything they care about each other, and it shows. Which is why I got really confused about Romana’s reaction when Brax was eaten by the ravenous. I remember I even thought she wasn’t around when it happened, that he had left and was somewhere else (I have a little difficulty paying attention), but then my friend said she was. So I was like... wait, she saw her friend, whom she’s known for most of her life (and more than she can even remember) die in a truly horrible way and didn’t even react to that? I’m not blaming Romana, I think this is really out of character for her. She may have difficulty expressing her feelings but she would never, ever react so coldly to the death of a friend. 

Now, on Brax’s death... I was really devastated. At first, as always I got confused and thought the older Brax was an older version of him, somehow. Even if he died, I was like, this is confusing, but it’s Brax? So I was weary, but still, I thought “well at least he’s safe now, on another universe in the Beyond”. But then my friend said “no, that’s an alternative Brax, the one we know is dead”. And that’s when I felt my stomach drop. IT HURT SO BAD. I’ll be honest and say I don’t know everything about Brax, or about the depth of his character, I’m still very early on the Benny audios and only have listened to him on Gally and a few audios here and there. People who have more knowledge on him say that the way he was written wasn’t really accurate, and that can be true, but I won’t get into that because I don’t know for myself. Still, Brax is one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever known. I loved him from the beginning. I got mad at him so many times during the series, felt as betrayed as Romana did, heard about a lot of dark shit he’s done, but still I could never hate him. I got a little bit too attached to him, which is why his death felt absurd and unnecessarily cruel. I don’t think for a moment that Brax deserved that, as I said I don’t know everything about him but something in my heart tells me that things could’ve gone another way. I knew he could die in the finale but not like this. And it’s a bit hard to put into words how much I hate the ending he got and how much I’ll miss him. I just hope he comes back, I mean, he always does, BF writers need to figure something out I don’t even care lol

I had to edit the post because my dumb ass forgot about one of my favorite and at the same time one of the most bittersweet moments of Beyond: Brax asking about the Doctor and saying leaving Gallifrey was a “family thing”. I love them and there isn’t enough stuff out there from the Lungbarrow siblings for me. He talks so fondly of the Doctor and now all I think about is that he never mentioned him in the series but thought of him on the last hours of his life... brb I’m gonna go cry in the bathroom

Oh god. Okay, Homecoming. I’ll start on a light note and say some stuff about Hot Rassilon: Richard Armitage nailed it. I’ve always liked him as an actor and I got thrilled when he was announced. His voice is like, the one I want to hear when I get my name called up in Heaven - or Hell, which is where I’m going - and his speeches were really powerful. Still, I wish they could’ve given him more to do. Of course, I understand that this is where they wanted to go with him - Hot Rassilon going batshit crazy and calling himself a god and coming up with some stupid fanfiction about the Time Lords becoming gods of everything, yada yada. I loved his interactions with the Dalek Emperor, the first thing I thought (besides the fact that it was really funny) was that it showed two despots with a god complex playing chess with the universe and discarding their people as garbage, fighting for their own personal power and not for the collective. Of course, I don’t expect the Daleks to care about each other - they want to spread throughout the galaxies and gain absolute power, not bring social well-being to their own. But that should apply to the Time Lord Society, and we see that Hot Rassilon doens’t give a flying fuck about that. 

I feel like I should reinforce the fact that I actually hate Rassilon. I call him hot but I hate him. I can do both

Once again, I need to point out the emotional moments between the galligang. It all felt so off. As someone pointed out here (sorry, I saw the post but don’t recall who said it now): it’s a war and there’s little time for grief, however, it’s not like they’re just grieving the loss of a group of people they’re not familiar with. The galligang are the closest thing they have to a family with each other. They’ve been through all sorts of things together, created a deep bond and have crossed the universe to find each other. And then, that Dalek ship blows up, with Narvin still in it, and... nothing. Leela even asked Romana if they could’ve done something and she says if the bracelet thingy had been working he would’ve come back already. And that’s it. At first I didn’t even understand, I was like “wait, he was really still inside the ship? And it blew up?”, because once again, I couldn’t tell from the way they reacted, I was only sure when they had that exchange. And of course, I started sobbing, because my favorite character was dead. I guess the writers wanted to focus on the war and political aspects and shit but did they forget that Gallifrey was about these three specific people and that their relationship was the core of the series, not just the politics? 

Okay, moving on. Leela and Romana once again end up on Gallifrey and run into Hot Rassilon. Did I mention I found him a bit scary? Well, I did mark me down as scared & horny.

Aaaaaand he decides to lock Romana up in a pocket universe. It surprised me, because I thought he would execute her. I find that he wanted to do that because Romana was the president who wanted to take Gallifrey into the future, to make it a prosperous and advanced society who left all their fears of the unknown and prejudices behind. And now he locked her up in the past. Get it? I don’t know, maybe that’s just me, but this was the first thing I thought. But I cannot even begin to tell you all how RELIEVED I am that she’s alive, and that there could be a possibility - even if a very tiny one - that she could escape. It’s Doctor Who, so everything is possible. EDIT: Now I’m sad because Leela will die after the end of the Time War and Romana will know about that, and all her friends are gone, and she believes the Doctor isn’t the man she once knew so she can’t rely on him, and she’s alone, and I’m FUMING because I’m still processing the whole thing and I hadn’t realized that. She’s totally alone and now I’m crying once again. I HATE IT HERE

As for Leela, I want to see what’s next for her. I haven’t gotten into the other Time War stuff yet, this is my first introduction to the actual thing, but I heard that she’s gonna fight alongside the War Doctor and might be on the War Doctor Begins boxset. But man listening to her and Romana having to depart like that broke my heart. And now I know that she’ll be protecting Gallifrey because of Romana, because Romana represents the best in Gallifrey.

*Phew* okay, that was a lot. I don’t even know if I covered everything, but I managed to make more sense than I thought I would at the beginning of this post. I don’t know man I’ve been crying for hours, went to sleep at 2am crying because of Narvin and Brax and woke up at 7am and my first thought was them, dying again... I don’t even know anymore, I guess I’ll either focus on uni and my job or curl up into a ball and cry for the rest of my life lolololol

Now I want to write a post with my theories on how the entire galligang is alive and in the epilogue in my head they have reunited and are all living together happily. Maybe it’ll be my next post.

[ravenpaw-93]

So I fucked up the last post trying to link my fic 🤦🏻‍♀️ It's been a rough night and the tumblr algorithm doesn't like it when I link shit apparently. So instead, here's my oneshot 🖤

Summary:

Draco's entire eighth year at Hogwarts had been a nightmare. Most of his peers avoided him, he had no prospective job opportunities for when he left, and then there was his extremely inconvenient crush on Harry bloody Potter. But his luck begins to change when he gets an unexpected invitation to the Spring Masquerade Ball.

Draco Malfoy found himself settled under a tree along the shoreline of the black lake, enjoying the warm spring air on his face as he did his Runes revisions. Or, more accurately, stared at Harry Potter doing loops on his broomstick, under the premise of doing his Runes revisions. Bloody showoff, he thought as Potter landed seamlessly after an admittedly impressive dive a few yards away. He was immediately surrounded by a gaggle of swooning girls. Draco watched, seething, as Harry smiled easily at them, laughing at something one of them had said. He had no right to feel so jealous, he and Potter were friends, nothing more. But they didn't call it the green eyed monster for nothing, and everyone knows, there's no reasoning with a monster. He slammed his book shut with a huff, more annoyed with himself than anyone else. He piled his belongings back in his bag, slung it over his shoulder and trudged towards the castle, giving Potter and his fanclub one last scathing glance over his shoulder.

His foul mood carried all the way to dinner as he sat sullenly at the 8th year table pushing his peas around his plate aimlessly, determinedly avoiding Potter's gaze. Despite his best efforts, he looked up as a seventh year Ravenclaw, whose name Draco could not remember, approached their table where Potter sat. His stomach twisted unpleasantly as the girl twirled her hair on her finger and batted her unnaturally long eyelashes at Potter, no doubt asking him to the Masquerade Ball that was a mere week away. This had to have been the fortieth invite Potter had received, and subsequently declined. Draco, to no great surprise, hadn't been asked by anyone. He tried to convince himself that's why he was jealous, that it had nothing to do with wanting Potter for himself. He accidentally met Potter's eye, his heart stuttered in his chest when his face split into a wide grin. Draco glanced over his shoulder, convinced that smile was meant for someone other than himself. When he saw no one behind him he gave Potter a shy smile and promptly returned to his peas, ignoring the blush creeping up his neck. Merlin, he was pathetic. 

"What's with you?" Blaise asked once they were back in the eighth year common room, sitting in their usual corner by the window. "You've had your wand in a knot all day."

"I have not!" Draco replied indignantly, knowing full well it was a bald-faced lie. 

Blaise pursed his lips and raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at him.

"It's nothing." Draco insisted, setting his jaw stubbornly, his eyes wandering to the corner where Potter sat nodding off in an armchair, a textbook open in his lap. Gods, he looked adorable. Draco felt a pang in his heart knowing that he would never have the person he wanted most.

"Hm..right. Maybe if nothing had ridiculous hair, dorky glasses and terrible posture." Blaise returned, rolling his eyes and nodding subtly to Potter. 

"Drop it. Please , Blaise." Draco hissed, shooting him a venomous glare.

"No. I'm sick and tired of watching you pine and sulk over some idiot boy not asking you to a stupid school dance. Why don't you grow a pair and ask him yourself?" Blaise snapped impatiently.

"Fuck you." Draco spat, storming out of the room toward his and Theo Knott's shared dormitory, vaguely aware of green eyes following his every move.

He flung himself onto his bed and stared miserably at the ceiling. Who did Zabini think he was? He didn't understand. His family remained neutral in the war, he wasn't Marked, he didn't have to sit trial in front of the entire Wizengamot or have his name in the papers all summer. Draco was a social outcast, no one wanted to be around him, no one wanted to speak to him, nevermind take him to a cheesy school dance. Potter and he had become friends this year, but they weren't close and he definitely did not want to take Draco to the ball, or anywhere else for that matter. He stood up for Draco at the start of term, even to Weasley and while Draco appreciated it at the time sometimes he wished Potter wasn't so nice. Wished he wouldn't sit with Draco in the library, wouldn't fly with him on the weekends, or sit in the common room with him when the nightmares kept them both awake. It would make it much more difficult to love him if he would just go back to being a git. Maybe then Draco wouldn't lay in his bed at night thinking about the way he smiled at him in Charms, or how he helped him correct his stance when they were partnered together for Defense Against the Dark Arts, or any other stupid little interaction that Draco replayed over and over again in his mind. 

He needed to get over this useless infatuation with Potter. The end of term couldn't come fast enough. He needed to not see his stupid cute face and impossibly green eyes every day. He wanted to not feel the constant ache of loving someone who deserved far better than himself. He was an ex- Death Eater, with little money, no future, thanks to a terrible decision he was forced into making at sixteen, and an impossible amount of baggage that came with it all. He wasn't good enough for Potter. He wasn't good enough for anyone. Draco gave a shuddering sigh, closed his bed hangings and allowed himself to succumb to his feelings. He buried his face in his pillow and screamed until his throat ached and his pride finally allowed the tears to spill. They didn't stop until he drifted off into a restless sleep.

When Draco awoke the next morning he was relieved to see Theo had already left for breakfast. He dug in this trunk for a clean uniform and made for the boys' shower rooms. He scrubbed the stench of misery from his skin and dressed quickly. As he brushed his teeth he examined his reflection, frowning at the deep purple circles under his red rimmed, still puffy eyes and the spot on his chin. He ran a comb through his damp hair and heaved a great sigh before returning to his dormitory to retrieve his robes and bag. He opted to skip breakfast, not ready to forgive Blaise yet and knowing Pansy was going to be too busy mooning over Theo to be of any comfort to him. Instead, he made his way to the Charms corridor and slid down the wall opposite the classroom door, to sit on the cold stone floor. He leant his aching head against the rough bricks behind him and shut his eyes. He ought to be revising his essay, but he couldn't be arsed to care. He had exceptional marks in Charms, one mediocre paper wasn't the end of the world. It's not like anyone was going to hire him anyway, even with six N.E.W.Ts. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Potter's voice was soft, but still startled Draco causing him to jump, his eyes snapping open.

"What? Yes, I'm fine, Potter." He huffed impatiently. Yeah Draco, lash out. That'll help, idiot.

"Have I done something to piss you off or something? You've been avoiding me for weeks. I tried to come talk to you yesterday, but you took off." Potter asked, taking a seat next to him. Draco could smell his earthy cologne and it was making it hard for him to concentrate.

"No, not at all. I haven't been avoiding you, I've just been busy." He lied, sneaking a glance at Potter trying to discern if he bought it. He had been avoiding him, he thought some space would make things easier. Clearly, not one of his better ideas.

"Oh. Right. Well, er, what are you doing during free period? Do you want to go for a walk or something? It's really nice out today and it's been ages since we've hung out." Potter asked hopefully, looking for all the world like an eager puppy. 

"Sure, that sounds good." Draco replied managing to flash him a smile, sounding much more calm than he felt. His palms were sweating, his heart was racing painfully fast, his mind spinning. 

He did an abysmal job focusing during Flitwick's lesson. Potter had sat next to him  and instead of listening to his teacher Draco had retreated into his head to over-analyse their conversation in the corridor. On one hand, he was dead chuffed Potter had sought him out and wanted to spend time with him. On the other, he knew better than to read too far into it. They were friends, and Draco had been distant, he probably just wanted to catch up. There was no reason for Draco to get his hopes up. Potter prodded him with his elbow bringing him back to the present. Draco looked over to see him holding an orange under the desk.

"You skipped breakfast." He whispered, grinning. 

"Thanks." Draco mouthed, taking the offered fruit and giving him a small smile. His stomach fluttered pleasantly and he felt pathetic that such a simple gesture made him feel so giddy. Get it together Draco, it's an orange, not a love confession for fuck's sake. He discreetly peeled the orange in his lap, vanished the scraps and popped a segment into his mouth bending over his parchment as he chewed. He tore another off, nudged Potter's arm and passed it to him without looking away from Flitwick. He nearly choked when Potter bumped his knee against his. 

He was quite proud of how well he held himself together once Flitwick turned them loose to practice Protean Charms. Draco had already mastered the charm in his sixth year, for reasons he desperately wanted to forget. Much to his surprise it only took Potter two attempts to succeed. At the end of the lesson Flitwick handed back their quizzes from the previous lesson. Draco was rather pleased to see he'd gotten a perfect score. A remarkable feat, considering he'd spent more time than he'd care to admit fretting over how dreadful Potter had looked in class that day. He stuck the parchment hastily in his bag waiting anxiously for the bell to ring so his free period could begin.

He and Potter walked together in silence to the eighth year common room to drop off their bags. Draco dropped his bag onto his bed and pulled his robes over his head and folded them neatly. Potter was waiting for him in the common room, sleeves pushed up to show his firm, tan forearms, and his purple and black tie was loose around his neck. He led the way out to the castle grounds to the treeline of the Forbidden Forest. They walked along it in silence for a few moments, the only sounds were the crunching of twigs beneath their feet and bird calling from the trees. 

"Thanks for agreeing to come with me. I've really missed spending time with you, I really thought I had done something wrong." Potter said at last, turning his head to look at Draco briefly.

Draco felt a swooping sensation in his stomach and he had to fight to keep the smile off his face. He missed me? Holy shit he missed me...No. No, keep it together Draco, don't make it more than it is. 

"I've missed it too." He admitted trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Sorry I've been a bit distant." 

"It's okay, it happens." Potter replied amicably. "Er, so there was something I wanted to talk to you about." He continued, sounding a bit nervous and coming to a stop.

Fuck. Draco felt like his heart had plummeted from his chest down to his stomach.

"Okay." Draco said hesitantly, looking at Potter with his lip caught between his teeth. 

"Well I was wondering if maybe you'd want to go to the ball with me? I know it's kind of stupid, but I think it might be fun." Potter asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Draco was sure he had misheard. Did Harry Potter just ask him to the ball? No. That can't be right, it had to be some sick joke Weasley put him up to.

"Are you fucking with me?" Draco asked in response, his tone much more accusing than he intended. 

"What? No! Why would you ask that?" Potter recoiled slightly, as if Draco had slapped him.

"Why else would you ask me to the ball?"  Draco countered quietly dropping his eyes to look at his shoes.

"I thought that was obvious. I asked you because I fancy you." Potter explained giving him a crooked grin.

Draco was quite certain he stopped breathing for at least twenty seconds. His heart thumped painfully quick in his chest and he felt a strange, sudden urge to jump up and down.

"I fancy you too." He replied sheepishly, feeling his cheeks heat, unable to keep from smiling.

"So is that a yes?" 

"Yes, you dolt, it's a yes." Draco chuckled with an exaggerated eye roll, trying to conceal how elated he felt.

That evening he made up with Blaise and apologised for sulking over Potter for so long. He decided not to tell his friends he was going to the ball, to save himself the embarrassment, just in case it fell through. Though the fear of that happening progressively lessened as the week went on. Potter held his hand during their Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson Tuesday while Professor Arrowood did a lecture on Dementors. On Wednesday they spent their free period studying for Charms together, under a tree by the lake. Potter told him he had a pretty smile. Draco had blushed furiously and stammered something incoherent about Potter's eyes.

Classes were dismissed at noon the day of the ball. Draco was a bundle of nervous, excited energy. He attempted to get some of his school work completed before he had to start getting ready but it was a lost cause. He bounced from subject to subject, unable to keep his focus. At five thirty he snuck away to the showers hoping to get his in before the other boys started getting ready for the ball. He had just slipped into his pyjama trousers and a long sleeve knit top when he heard several voices from outside the door. He gathered his dirty clothes and slipped past Macmillan, Weasley, and Longbottom and returned to his dormitory. He waited for Theo to come in and out of the room what seemed like fourteen times before getting ready. He stripped his pyjamas off and pulled on his all black dress robes set with gold fastenings and knotted his black and gold pinstriped tie. He fussed with hair in the mirror trying to get it to look intentionally tousled before sliding the ornate black and gold eye mask over his head. He felt a bit stupid wearing it, but supposed that would go away once he saw everyone else wearing one. Just as he was giving himself one more look over in the mirror someone rapped on his door.

"Draco, it's Harry. You ready to go?"  Potter called from the other side. 

Draco took a deep breath to calm his nerves before crossing the room and opening the heavy oak door. Gods, Potter looked stunning. His dress robes were such a dark shade of green they looked almost black, with silver fastenings. He'd opted for a deep emerald green mask with intricately painted black vines, that complimented his eyes beautifully. His hair lay much neater than it usually did, but still looked just wild enough to make Draco want to run his hands through it.

"You look amazing." Potter said breathlessly flashing him a bright smile, sending the butterflies in Draco's stomach twirling again. Though, at that moment, he could have sworn they were pigeons. 

"Thank you. So do you." He replied timidly, trying to hide the flush that crept up his neck and tinted his cheeks. "Hang on, can you even see me? Where are your glasses?" He asked torn between amusement and utter confusion. How on earth was Potter going to dance with him if he couldn't see?

Potter gave a deep hearty laugh, a warm sound that filled Draco's heart and sent tingles over his skin. 

"Yes I can see you, silly. I have contact lenses. They're a muggle thing. They're literally these little flexible, soft lenses that I put in my eyes, not on them." He explained with a chuckle.

"Wow. That's actually really inventive. Wonder how come wizards haven't thought of that?" Draco wondered aloud. 

"Who knows. Probably the same reasons why they insist on parchment and quills." Harry snorted with a shrug. "Shall we head down?" 

A sense of euphoria spread throughout his body as Potter took his hand and led him to the Great Hall. He was on cloud nine, not even the stares and mutinous whispers following them as they made their way through the castle could bring him down. As they descended the entrance hall staircase Draco watched other students craning their necks, desperate to see who had been fortuitous enough to have captured the interest of Harry Potter. Draco revelled in their envy, meeting each scathing, disbelieving glare with a smug smirk. 

"I should warn you before we go in, I'm a terrible dancer. Your toes will probably be sorry you ever said yes to this." Potter admitted with a charming grin as they wove through the throng of students gathered outside the Great Hall.

"Toes mend." Draco replied gently, giving Potter's hand a light squeeze.

"Well in that case, come on. Let's go dance." Potter said pulling him through the crowd into the noisy, exquisitely decorated Great Hall.

Their first dance was a bit clumsy, involving a lot of tripping each other, trodding on feet, nervous giggles and whispered swears and apologies. But by the third song Draco's nerves had completely disappeared and he laughed as Potter spun him around, looking at him with such an adoring expression Draco lost his breath. He felt a bit silly that he was enjoying this so much, but he couldn't help it. Even surrounded by dozens of other students, Potter only had eyes for him; nothing had ever made him feel so happy. As the song came to an end Potter took him by the hand and led them, giggling as they wove through the crowded dance floor, to the refreshment table on the east wall. The dark haired Ravenclaw that had asked Potter to be her date glowered at a Draco from a few feet away as they stood in the queue for the punch bowl. Draco caught her eye and gave her a falsely sweet smile just as Potter placed a hand on the small of his back and nudged him forward.

Time was passing far too quickly for Draco's liking. After they had their drinks they returned to the dance floor. Potter danced with him as if no one was watching, like it was only the two of them, bodies moving in sync, Potter's hips grinding tantalizingly against his arse. It took every ounce of self-control Draco had not to snog Potter senseless on the spot. The crowd had thinned out considerably, most of the younger students having gone off to bed. The DJ announced the last dance and the beginning notes of a slow ballad filled the air. Potter snaked his arms around Draco's waist and in turn he draped his over Potters broad shoulders. Their faces were mere inches apart now and in the dim light Draco could make out the light dusting of freckles on the perfect ski-slope bridge of Potter's nose, his brilliant green eyes shone so bright they appeared to be glowing as they bore into Draco's. 

"I wish this didn't have to end." Draco admitted, with a sad smile as he swayed with Potter to the rhythm of the music. 

"Maybe it doesn't have to." Potter replied with a grin as the music started to wind down. "Come with me." He leant in and whispered, his breath tickling Draco's neck. 

Draco's fingers laced through Potter's as followed the raven haired boy through the sea of couples still dancing as the last song came to an end. He led Draco to the third floor, through the clock tower door, letting it shut gently behind them. Potter caressed Draco's cheek and pulled his mask down to hand loosely around his neck, doing the same to his own.

"Christ, you're beautiful." Potter whispered tenderly. Draco felt his face heat as Potter brushed a stray hair from his eyes. "One more dance? 

"There's no music." Draco answered, wrapping his arms around Potter's neck anyway. 

"You don't need music to dance." Potter smiled as he rested his hands on Draco's hips and began to sway with him.

Potter rested his forehead against Draco's as they clung to each other in the moonlight. Potter looked stunning with the silvery light shimmering across his brown skin and Draco felt as though he were living in a dream. No one had ever looked at him the way Potter was. No one had ever touched him so gently, as if he were made of precious glass that could break at any moment. His heart flooded with emotion as he found himself hypnotized by emerald eyes. 

"Thanks for asking me to the dance, Harry." He murmured, the corners of his mouth quirking up into a small smile. 

"Thanks for coming with me." Harry returned, chewing on his bottom lip, as if deliberating what to say next. "About what I said earlier, I wasn't talking about the ball, you know. I meant this , with us, it doesn't have to end just because the ball is over."

This time Draco really did stop breathing.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Is this really happening? Did Harry really just say that? Holy shit. Okay. Don't freak out just answer him. For fuck's sake, speak Draco don't just stand there gawking at him. 

"Really?" Draco asked quietly, at last, his eyes wide as they stared into Harry’s.

"Yes, really. I’ve had feelings for you for awhile, I just couldn’t work out how to tell you. I'm sorry I took so long." Harry answered cradling Draco's jaw gently in his hand. "So what do you say? Wanna be my boyfriend?" 

For once, Draco didn't think. He leant forward and pressed his lips to Harry's bringing a hand up to tangle in his wild curls. His heart soared when Harry's hand pressed into the small of his back, bringing their bodies flush together. He scraped Harry's bottom lip gently with his teeth as he pulled back.

"Only for ever." Draco grinned and brought their lips together once more, knowing in his heart that he finally had the person he wanted most, and was never letting him go.

[myaekingheart]

127. About a Girl

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3 index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

               “So: how does it feel?” Chikara asked. She poured Sekkachi some tea from across the table, smiling politely. Sekkachi lounged in one of the nearby chairs, careful not to dirty the crocheted tablecloth with her muddy sandals.

               “How does what feel?” Sekkachi asked, poking at the cakes that she had not given Chikara permission to put on her plate.

               “Thirty!” Chikara replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “You know, some might say you’re a full-fledged adult now.”

               “I feel just as much existential dread as I always have” Sekkachi replied flippantly. Her mind warped back to the voicemail and she mumbled under her breath, “Or maybe even more.”

               Chikara hummed under her breath as she took a sip of her own tea. “I’m sure your family was delighted to see you partake in traditions” she commented. “How are they? I haven’t seen them in so long.” She regretted not attending the party herself, but she had other matters to attend to. Deep down, Sekkachi would’ve preferred her absence anyway. The fewer friends for her family to embarrass her in front of, the better.

               “Just as fine as ever” Sekkachi said, shaking her head. “Tenjikubotan is still a whiny, lazy bitch, Roru has become clingier than usual, and if the scowl on my old man’s face gets any deeper, he’s going to look like one of those shrunken apple heads.”

               “I’ve heard Roru is planning to take part in the chunin exams next month” Chikara mentioned. “Her sensei Tekuno told me. That’s very exciting. I’m sure she’s interested in hearing all about your own experiences taking the exams.”

               “As if she’s going to learn much from me” Sekkachi scoffed. “I’m not a role model she should be looking up to anyway.”

               Chikara chuckled under her breath. “I think you’re more admirable than you give yourself credit for” she insisted. “After all, your resilience is unrivaled and you’re perhaps the most honest person I’ve ever met. Those are rare aspects that I think you ought to be proud of.”

               A shiver ran down Sekkachi’s spine at that word: proud. There was nothing worth being proud about. “Either way, she should look elsewhere” Sekkachi said sourly. “I don’t want to deal with her.”

               As accustomed as Chikara had become to Sekkachi’s trademark abrasiveness, there was a certain edge to her now that piqued the woman’s suspicion. Something must have happened and based on what she saw of their night at the bar, Chikara had a mild inkling as to what, exactly, it was.  

               “So did you call me here for a reason, or did you just want to waste time with small talk?” Sekkachi snapped, downing the last of her tea. Chikara smiled as she automatically poured Sekkachi another.

               “Well, seeing as it was your birthday a few days ago” Chikara started, “I thought it was only right to give you your present.”

               “Oh, come on!” Sekkachi whined, throwing her head back and groaning. “You didn’t have to get me anything. I don’t want anything.”

               “Too late!” Chikara grinned. She twisted around in her chair and reached toward the hutch behind her kitchen table, pulling out a large, wrapped box. “Now, Sekkachi, this was very difficult to find so I won’t take no for an answer.” She handed the box to Sekkachi, who skeptically took it to set on the floor in front of her.

               Sekkachi couldn’t even begin to guess what could be in a box that big nor did she think she really wanted it. She didn’t have much of a choice, however—Chikara was staring her down as she slowly ripped through the wrapping paper and punched open the cardboard box. She pulled out the blanket first, plush and plaid. Sekkachi made a face as she unfolded it, surveying it’s size, then peeked around it to look at her sensei. “A blanket? Really?”

               “That’s not the only thing in there!” Chikara replied, waving a hand to urge Sekkachi to continue. She watched closely as her student set the blanket aside and then reached back into the box to pull out a rather large reading pillow, the kind with plush armrests and even a little pocket in the side. “I know you already have one, but it’s been so long and I’m sure it’s gotten rather deflated by now” Chikara explained. “And if you press that little button on the side, it vibrates, as well! I’m sure that should feel nice on your back when you’re having a flare-up.”

               Sekkachi chuckled under her breath and shook her head. “If there was ever an old lady gift to give someone” she jested, shoving the presents back in the box.

               Chikara frowned at her response, though it was exaggerated and clearly fake. “Do you not like them?” she pouted dramatically.

               “They’re the absolute worst” Sekkachi replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She refused to outwardly admit that she actually loved them. Comfort items were important when she spent so much time in pain. If word broke out that she had a weakness for the soft and snuggly, however, she would never live it down. She had a reputation to uphold, after all. Badass bitches did not do cuddly.

               Fortunately, Chikara knew Sekkachi well enough to know that she would not only truly appreciate the gift but that her pride would also prohibit her from truly expressing her gratitude. “So” the woman then said, tenting her fingers as she gazed at her student across the table, “What does thirty look like for Sekkachi Fumeiyo? What do you hope to accomplish? What are your goals for the year?”

               Sekkachi snorted and muttered, “Not die.” Unamused, Chikara arched a brow and glared at her as if challenging her to pick a new resolution. There had to be something better to aim for, something more ambitious—even for her. Sekkachi tightened her ponytail as she added, “Listen, I don’t want to set any expectations for myself, alright? It’s only been a week and I’ve already fucked shit up enough.”

               “Oh?” Chikara asked, her curiosity piqued. “How do you figure?”

               “I just got drunk and did something dumb and now I have to suffer the consequences, I don’t know” Sekkachi complained. She really didn’t want to talk about it, truthfully, but she knew that if she had to talk about it with anyone—and really talk about it— it was bound to be with Chikara.

               “Might this have something to do with a girl?” Chikara asked and all the color paled from Sekkachi’s face before she grimaced in an effort to save face.

               “Yeah, because it’s always about a fucking girl, isn’t it?” she snapped back.

               “Don’t get so defensive, it was a valid assumption” Chikara replied, raising her hands in surrender. She hated to admit that it did, in fact, always seem to be about a girl. Not that there was anything wrong with that—Chikara was more than happy to help Sekkachi with her relationship issues. She enjoyed the intricacies of her student’s social life and her vastly complicated approach to love. It was like a strange little puzzle that she could pick apart and attempt to help clarify. Lifting her teacup to her lips then, Chikara added, “Besides, I may or may not have had the pleasure of being at the bar the same night you were, so I can say I saw some things.” A sly smile touched her lips as she took another sip of her tea. Sekkachi’s heart leapt into her throat.

               “Oh, fuck no” she groaned, slamming her forehead against the table. “Whatever happened, I don’t want to know.”

               “I rather enjoyed you and Rei’s little karaoke performance, though” Chikara hummed. “It’s always nice to see you two getting along so well.”

               “Yeah, I’d be lucky if that was the only embarrassing thing I did that night” Sekkachi whined. She had to admit, she did vaguely remember the karaoke performance. It was perhaps the only bright spot of her night from what she could recall. Performing alongside Rei brought back fond memories of their youth, when they would perform with Naru in espionage missions dressed in ridiculous little kimonos and flashy makeup. She hated the glamour of it all in the moment, of course, but in retrospect there was something bittersweetly nostalgic about it. At least in terms of the karaoke, she could perform what she wanted and on her own terms. She wasn’t there to be perfect or desirable, either. No one ever expected an award-winning performance from a bar karaoke machine. It was nothing but fun and games and the low-pressure environment (along with the booze) made it all the more enjoyable.

               Chikara smirked as she plucked another petit fours from the tray of cakes on the table. “And I thought you said you couldn’t remember anything” she mused.

               “It’s not about what I can and cannot remember” Sekkachi snarked, “It’s about the aftermath and what I did to cause it.”

               “Go on” Chikara urged with a wave of her hand.

               Sekkachi raked her fingers through her bangs and exhaled, exasperated. “I guess at some point I ran into someone I didn’t actually want to see and we must have flirted or something and exchanged numbers, I don’t know. I woke up to a voicemail.”

               A small smile touched Chikara’s lips as she popped another tiny cake into her mouth. “The girl with the third eye?” she asked.

               Sekkachi’s gaze snapped up, panicked and feral. “How did you know? Who told you? Was it Guy? I bet he spilled the beans, didn’t he? With his big, dumb mouth, fuck.”

               “No, none of this is Guy’s fault” Chikara replied. “You forget that I was at the bar that night, and so was she.”

               “Oh no” Sekkachi groaned, burying her face in her hands. It made sense: after all, how else would they have run into each other? Sekkachi knew for a fact that her and Guy did not go anywhere else that night. “What did you see? Was it bad? Do I need to go rogue now?”

               “Not at all” Chikara assured. The expression on her face proved that she was far too delighted with the situation at hand. “If anything, you both seemed to get along swimmingly.”

               “I think that might be worse” Sekkachi complained.

               “Oh, she was anxious at first” Chikara nodded, cleaning the icing residue off her fingertips with a napkin, “but after a while, she really seemed to warm up to you. Nothing could wipe the smile off her face, and she seemed very at home in your presence, and you to her.”

               “Yep” Sekkachi groaned. “Definitely worse.”

               “I don’t see what’s so terrible about it” Chikara shook her head. “If you enjoy one another’s company, then where’s the harm in that?”

               “Because I don’t enjoy her company, Chikara-sensei!” Sekkachi exclaimed. “I hate her fucking guts, I want nothing to do with her. And now here I am with a giant fucking mess I’ve gotta clean up that never should’ve been made in the first place. How am I supposed to tell her to fuck off?”

               “It’s never stopped you before” Chikara commented. “So what’s stopping you now? I almost get the feeling that you’re afraid of hurting her.”

               Suddenly feeling very transparent and vulnerable, Sekkachi pouted and dropped her eyes. “I’m not afraid of hurting her” she muttered sourly. “She can go jump off a bridge for all I care. Her happiness means nothing to me.”

               “Then I don’t see what the issue is” Chikara smiled softly. She knew exactly what was going on, and she was willing to milk the situation for all it was worth. After all, the only way to make Sekkachi admit her feelings to herself was to force them out of her. Long ago, Chikara had learned that the hard way. “You can go tell her to bugger off and then that’s the end of it. However she takes that is her responsibility.”

               “Because maybe I don’t even want to do that!” Sekkachi shouted. “Why do I have to tell her anything in the first place? Why can’t she just leave me the fuck alone? Maybe I should get Rei to do it. She sees the little creep all the time.”

               “And avoid the responsibility of your actions yet again?” Chikara cocked a brow. “Yes, that would be the easiest route but this is not Rei’s mess to clean up. It’s up to you to take responsibility for your actions, Sekkachi. No one else.”

               Rolling her eyes, Sekkachi leaned back in her chair and pressed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. “I hate you for saying that” she complained.

               “I don’t even truly understand why you have to tell her to leave you alone in the first place” Chikara continued. “You two seemed to be having a perfectly lovely evening together. There aren’t many people whose company you actually enjoy, you know.”

               “Yeah, and you’re quickly losing your status as one of them” Sekkachi grumbled.

               “All I’m saying is that you’re thirty years old now” Chikara replied. “I just want you to start thinking more deeply on what you really want in life rather than just trudging from one day to the next avoiding all sense of responsibility and progression.”

               Excuse you, Sekkachi thought to herself and a sour taste filled her mouth. Chikara was proving to be far more brutally honest than usual today. It wasn’t a look on her that Sekkachi was very fond of. She supposed she had grown rather comfortable in her sensei’s otherwise soft, enabling advice.  

               “Or” Sekkachi started, and there was a certain edge to her tone now that proved Chikara had perhaps taken things too far, “You can accept the fact that I’m a fucking adult and can make my own decisions and live my life however I damn well please.” She slammed the cardboard box of her gifts shut and rose to her feet, hoisting it awkwardly into her arms. “I have the right to spend my life however I see fit, Chikara, and if that means living selfishly then so fucking be it. And I could care less about how other people feel about it, including you.”

               Chikara watched as she kicked the front door open and angrily departed, her heart aching. She never intended to hurt her feelings, but sometimes Sekkachi needed to hear the harsh truth. Frankly, she worried about Sekkachi—perhaps more than anyone else. While Rei was not perfect, either, she at least had someone to lean on. She had Kakashi’s unwavering support and Chikara felt safe with their union. Sekkachi, however, had a nasty habit of shoving away everyone who ever cared about her and this was no exception. Even now, Sekkachi was shoving away her.

               “Well” Chikara said to herself, tidying up the table and putting away the cakes. “She won’t be able to get rid of me that easily.” She carefully placed the petit fours in a small box and tucked them neatly into her refrigerator, then dumped the rest of the tea down the sink. “She’s bound to realize the hole she’s dug herself into sooner or later” she continued, but then paused as a sickening feeling filled her chest. Sighing, she added somberly, “I only hope it’s sooner rather than later.”

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

APH Iceland Headcanons

Just some thoughts I have that I never published. Some are just really vague personality notes that I’m adding a lot of real life background to though, so you’re warned.

- “Plays it cool, but is actually a dork” kind of person

- Wants to be seen as mature by his fellows, but ends up kind of being babied by the others. Explanation: I see this as a factor of Iceland being a smaller country and not being very well known on the world stage/not exerting that much influence, he often gets sorta frustrated that he’s not being taken seriously, especially by his Nordic “brothers”

- However, I also think that in rare moments, or just deep down, he’s satisfied with his position and grateful that he doesn’t have to bear the weight of fame and success, to make the decisions for the world. He sees it as pressure that he sometimes can’t take, but on the other hand, he still wants to be heard by people, just not with that much responsibility on his shoulders. Much more of a follower than a leader.

- Trusts Norway a whole lot, even if he usually seems to dislike him. Probably one of the only people he’d seek advice from. Others include Sweden and the younger nations: HK, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, etc.

- Like a distant, weird, second cousin you only get to see twice a year or so, a bit weird by “normal” standards. I’ve heard (correct me if wrong) that real Icelanders are a bit “kooky”? They (supposedly) have a reputation for being a bit weird in terms of fashion and things (@ that lopapeysa strip in the manga), as well as in their food (it seems this isn’t widely eaten on a daily basis, but there’s dishes like fermented shark and hrútspungar/sour sheep testicles). Therefore, yeah, APH Iceland is a bit of a weirdo sometimes. Also, because real Iceland is geographically far from mainland Europe, APH Iceland is a bit distant to everybody else (it’s said he’s “a step behind when it comes to European fads” from the wiki), and this is another “second cousin” thing --> he’s a bit emotionally far from the rest of his family just because he’s away from them physically.

- I attribute his desire to appear normal to just normal teenage angst, since from what I’ve heard, Icelanders are pretty proud about their culture and their uniqueness?

- I think his childish side is also a thing fitting the “next cousin” personality? Like I agree with him being a Gen Z and a netizen who’s really internet-fluent and has all the memes and stuff

- Nature!!! Similar to Norway in this respect, because they’ve both got a lot of wild places that are really beautiful. Given that real Iceland has glaciers and hot springs and a giant hoard of pretty scenery, although APH Iceland tries to fit in and not be a nerd about nature, he loves the peace and quiet of the outdoors a lot. Seriously appreciates how beautiful real Iceland is, and is pretty proud of it inside.

- I don’t think he’s very rugged, probably wouldn’t be good at camping, although he’s outdoors a lot.

- Runs two social medias: one about his life, memes, #relatable things, younger nation hangouts, and another that’s much more aesthetic-y with hiking photos and mountain pictures. Some of his close friends know about both, but most people just know about his personal account, not the nature one.

- Finds his friends comforting and funny and nice to hang out with most of the time, but it’s a bit energy draining talking to people a lot. He’s the sassy and sort of cynical one in their group.

- But, they drag the fun side out of him a lot, usually because they do crazy things and force him to come along even though he pretends it’s really dumb (and sometimes it is) but ends up laughing a lot and thinking they should do it again someday.

- A seriously sweet smile, if you can get it out of him.

- I think he’d be that person who criticizes the things and people he likes, just because he doesn’t really have the heart to actually express his feelings.

- He likes dogs from afar - meaning that he’s kinda put off and a little annoyed if he gets close to one and they start barking a whole ton and getting really excited but he likes how cute they can be. He just wouldn’t want to be committed to caring for his own ig.

- Worries a lot, mostly about people liking him, but the second he has to interact with people who are talking bs he gets reminded why he kinda dislikes/hates social interaction sometimes. A sort of dilemma between being lonely and thinking that “all people are junk”, but he’s really grateful for the people he was forced to meet but whom he genuinely likes

- Second closest to Sweden out of all the Nordics, after Norway. Like, I don’t know if I just haven’t found Swe/Ice interactions, but their relationship is criminally ignored??? Iceland goes to Swe for advice!!! He knows Swe won’t usually judge and is pretty good at keeping secrets, he literally asks Swe what’s going on in that birthday party episode, bro he trusts Sweden to be there and answer his questions when Norway refuses to so he can annoy Iceland. I need someone to expound on their relationship please.

That’s it! I love this kid to death but somehow can’t write for him, and I don’t think I got his personality down correctly hhh. Anyway, feel free to refute my ideas! I love hearing new headcanons, especially unconventional ones!

*Also, the “next cousin” thing I included is based on this, a video about what Nordic people really think about each other. Real Iceland was described as: expensive, very beautiful in terms of nature and scenery, and like a next cousin.

[universal-kitty]

   I plan to return to my favored coping method when I need “I’m not me” time- roleplaying- but before I did that.... I wanted to talk about what happened. Why I’ve been so depressed. Why I’ve been quiet. Because for the first and last time....... I don’t have to worry about what my stepdad thinks of me.

TW: transphobia, misgendering, mentions of a lot of -isms (sexism, racism; stepdad is an ASSHOLE), mentions of suicide and depression

   TL;DR: I finally told Marshal- my stepdad- about being nonbinary. Not only did he react the way I knew he would, but my mom largely defended him before all of this and even said my pronouns were “confusing” to her. I had been hoping to have support from her, so this broke my heart. I officially don’t live with them anymore, but I struggle to find a single place to be in, due to my boyfriend’s dad being uncomfortable with me being home without Cam (my bf).

   ....Alright, let’s get into a bit of a doozy of a story...

   It started with another fucking day of Marshal being on his bullshit. The day previous (13th), he made a comment about how “and that’s why women shouldn’t be cops,” because, while he and mom were watching a true crime show, a woman police officer brought up an acronym. Mom guessed it, was wrong, and Marshal brought that out there.

   Yikes.

   The day of, he was watching a kid’s movie with his daughters (the younger three; the movie was Hotel Transylvania) and he wanted to know if there was a derogatory term for Irish people. He was going with “potato eaters”, but wasn’t sure if that was right, or if there was anything worse he could be saying. (And he wanted to know so he could say it.) He tried to ask mom, citing a Jewish slur, but she said she didn’t know so he could shrug and go back to “potato eaters.”

   After they left to go to a birthday party, I overheard a video on his phone mention “...the hypocrisy of the left...” and decided maybe it was time I had enough.

   ....Except she defended him when I brought it up. “Oh, he’s half-Irish, so....” “We can’t change what he believes in. He was raised like that and the construction site reinforces his views. Even Google shows him more and more of that kind of thing.”

   I got understandably upset that my mom was defending him and didn’t understand why I’d be feeling unsafe around someone like that. I left to go back on the computer and talk to friends. Buuuut because I was in tears at that point, mom felt like it was time to pursue the issue.....by standing right next to me. The monitor was HUGE on the family computer. (My laptop wasn’t at the house due to it crashing the internet a lot.) So I felt even MORE cornered.

   In came a talk about MY GENDER turning into politics. How Republicans and Democrats don’t talk anymore, how the parties think of each other like family, and it just sucks, to her. I bring it back to the ACTUAL talking point..... Only to get the reaction I mentioned in the TL;DR: she thinks that singular “they” is weird and not viable for pronoun usage. No matter what I say or try to.

   My sobbing draws out Marshal from upstairs, who asks what’s going on. I decide to power through and talk about what’s been delayed for months, if not almost a full year... I’m nonbinary and want he/they pronouns.

   See, though... His mom had called him when I attempted “social suicide” on Facebook, coming out originally. Despite having explained myself and my gender/sexualities, miss grandma decided to tell this to Marshal as, “I think there’s something wrong with Rachel.”

   .....Which was then followed up with what I knew was coming: “I think there’s something wrong with you. I think you hate your body. You’re always going to be a beautiful girl to me.”

   Now, maybe it wasn’t a wise thing to scream. (Did feel good, though. Emotional turmoil calls for a good scream, even if I still wonder if I frightened our neighbors.) It was a less wise thing to hit myself... Though I also thought Marshal had left the room. He had not; instead hovering at the bottom of the stairs or on the stairs themselves, hovering over us.

   .....It’s an emotional situation, I do lash out in screams, and I’m not proud of it. But I do want to note that it’s hard to be autistic and talk about things like this when NOBODY ELSE is the mediator. (I talk about my dad a lot when it comes to this part. He took me being polyam very well, as though he didn’t understand it, he made sure to deescalate my panic and explain it more in-depth, so he could get a better idea of what it is I’m doing. Why it’s healthy, why it makes me happy... Stuff like that. Ending it with, “If it makes you happy, awesome.”)

   Mom? She....wasn’t doing much, at that point. Sitting in a chair and sobbing. Misgendering me- literally- behind my back. “She thinks you’re not accepting her.” (Because he isn’t? Duh?)

   Long story short of Marshal also trying to needle mom into saying something against him, as the only religious person in the room has decided he feels VERY attacked and wants to hear his wife say some shit, too..... Cam shows up to pick me up. I stumble out of the house in slip on shoes and a pair of ancient PE shorts.

   ....Went back later to pick up some stuff w/ him and a friend of ours in silence. Mom was still crying. She’d try to eventually use that against me to paint herself the victim and gaslight me into making ME feel awful for....... [checks notes] Wanting my gender to be respected.

   I made another semi-bad decision of making a FB post talking about my anger and mentioning LBGT+ suicides, because being perceived as only female was really putting a damper on my mood, on coming back every day (after hanging out with Cam) and dealing with depression. I was NOT happy in that house and it definitely was a rising factor in why I often felt hopeless and, well, depressed.

   I let my friends respond to family since I was gonna be out anyways and I also trust these people with my life. I very commonly mince my words or try to give some ground out of politeness, thus never really getting far when it comes to arguments. (Everyone always seems smarter than me and I end up feeling so stupid after....) Of course, that then resulted in my mom and Elo’s mom feeling targeted and attacked by my friends and boyfriend (who had EVEN MORE RIGHT to say shit), apparently the latter even going on to say this was a “family matter” and my friends (and boyfriend!!) had no place in it.

   ....Except I let them and the only negatives that came from that was my mom having to face facts that she WAS gaslighting me. Oh, and didn’t use my pronouns until AFTER a friend of mine called her out for it. But okay.

.:.

   At this point in time, I....definitely am bitter on how my mom has chosen to go about certain things- the gaslighting and a convo on Insta (that I have screenshotted) where she said “if you cut out all the people who have different opinions from you, you’re going to lose a lot of people”- but I’m not as mad at her as I used to be? (Or maybe it’s the gaslighting. I can’t tell anymore.) It just hurts a shitton to realize that the only reason I couldn’t talk this out with her.....was because of Marshal.

   She wanted to play both sides and that isn’t POSSIBLE when “both sides” are “choose between your LGBT+ child or the racist, sexist, transphobic breadwinner and father to 3 kids.” You know who she’d choose. And she did.

   (Also, consider that “different opinions” should REALLY mean “we agree on some things, disagree on others, but that open-mindedness keeps us close” and NOT “befriend a person who makes suicide jokes, thinks your gender is a fad/fake, and makes racist remarks, “but it’s just a joke, bro”.” Like?? Just me????)

   Definitely pissed at Marshal, though. That’s been a constant from day one of me realizing how garbage he is. Even a friend who defended my mom said fuck him, which really goes to show how awful the man is, without needing to know all of the other things he’s said before. (And he’s said a LOT.) And he’s also the reason that I’m not going back to the house. Why I’m going to try to be moving out.

   If it was just my mom, I’d consider it. I’d give it a month to think about things and what I want to do, where I want to go...but Marshal involved? No thanks. Never again. She thinks I’m going to “get a dose of reality” and come crawling back home? Nope. And if she keeps talking like that, none of my future kids are going to meet grandma. >:/

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 24 - watching notes

Happy Wangxian-bunny-fest everyone! 🐇💐🐇 Because that's what I have to think about every time I see an Easter bunny these days. :D

We're picking up where we left off, with Shijie's and Jin Zixuan's future being decided for them

And everyone looking distinctly uncomfortable

WWX said fork the patriarchy and I respect that!

He also probably just violated about a hundred rules of conduct 😂😂😂

God, I adore him just not giving a flying fork anymore

(Yes I'm cursing good place style now, because tumblr 🙄)

Ooooh, I hadn't realised that lwj had stood up for this whole exchange for no reason whatsoever. Now that's telling :D

I love the fact that Jiang Yanli is good and modest and dutiful, but she has her own opinion and here, she acts on it, even though it's in defiance of what most of the cultivation world wants.

I love how the short haired minor clan leader whose name I have forgotten just acts as a commentator the whole time :D

What is a "Baifeng Mountain crowd hunt"?

Okay, the background "whisper" explained it to me. Thanks random cultivator extra #34

Whaaaat is JGY planning? 🧐

Honest question: can someone explain the hat to me? Is it a Jin tradition? Or is it somehow indicative of jgy's new status?

I just had a though about jgy and wwx that I'm not quite sure is entirely formed yet, but I have to share anyway. I feel like their journeys might be a parallel of each other, but in opposite directions ... if that makes sense? Like both were born outside of the clan world. Wwx got accepted into it through the kindness of someone who loved his mother. Jgy got rejected through the cruelty of his own father who very much did not love his mother. Wwx grew up a respected cultivator, jgy was an outsider and always looked down upon as the sun of a prostitute. Then they witness the war against the Wen clan. Wwx sacrifices everything to save the ones who took him in. Jgy betrays and almost kills the ones who took him in. Wwx comes back more bitter about the cultivation world than he has ever been and seems to only care about his own moral judgement and the wellbeing if those closes lt to him anymore. The last thing he seems concerned about his status. Then there is jgy, who at this point has murdered, lied.and killed innocent civilians,but also aided those who were kind to him (i.e. lan Xichen), and st least partially this is how he climbed the socisl ladder on the cultivation world. In other words, these two are both outcasts at some points in their lives, but their reaction seems to be almost opposite each other. For wwx it seems to be to fight the system, for jgy to adapt and survive and use the corrupt system to his advantage.

Moving on ...

Oh no ...

I feel like jgy actively acting again wwx kind of fits my rant about them from earlier

Oh he is good! He just planted the idea that wwx has the last shard of the Yin iron in Jin guangshao's head and then acted as if he was speaking reason. And the idiot completely fell for it because it flatters his ego.

Who is that spy going to be I wonder?

Oh no, lotus pier looks different 😥

Cloud Recess!!!!! I've missed you :')

Lan Xichen's long suffering sighs are a mood :D

Oh I see where this is going. First Jin Guangshan now Lan Quiren. The old guard seems to be extremely displeased with what wwx is doing.

Also, it must be very strange to all involved that suddenly, lwj is the one having yo be reminded of the rules

Character development, man!

"Do you know why I wouldn't let you leave with Xichen?" *dramatic zoom from the side* dramatic zoom from the front* ... *drumroll* ... "Leave now" 😑

IT'S BECAUSE HE DISAPPROVES OF YOUR BOYFRIEND! THAT'S WHY!

I feel so proud of Jiang Cheng right now :')

I'm so here for Lan Wangji's crisis of faith right now! Character development!!!

Jiang "tough love" Cheng

I kind of understand his frustration. From his perspective, it seems as if wwx is abandoning them

Lan Xichen's fond amusement with wwx will never not be endearing

Also, wwx is caring for the Jiang guests after all :D

Um ... does wwx have an alcohol problem at this point? 😕

That can't be healthy

I love the moral argument Lan Xichen makes here and it shows how one set of moral beliefs can come from entirely different places. His uncle seems to believe in rules for the rules sake, whereas lan Xichen cites a more humanistic argument: rules exist because we exist in a society and for society to function for all, especially the weakest, there most be rules to reign in behaviour that would be harmful to others. That's why breaking those rules harms not only one person, but society as a whole. My question for him then would be: But what of those rules themselves are harmful?

I stopped the stream to type this. Let's see what wwx has to say :D

Okay, lan Xichen isn't finished yet

Honestly, I think in terms of his combination of character traits, lan Xichen is the most genuinely good person among our characters. He is both well-meaning in his goals and measured in his means. He treats everyone fairly and although he loves his live by the Lan sect rules, he is not unkind in applying them to others. The fact that he can see wwx's good heart, even though they are such fundamentally different people, speaks volumes.

I'm genuinely wondering why wwx doesn't tell anyone why he can't do traditional cultivation anymore. (I'm still pretty convinced he gave Jiang cheng his golden core. I even went back to the scene where he showed Wen Qing the diagram and that was as good as a confirmation.) I get that he wouldn't tell Jiang Cheng and wouldn't want it to be known by most, for Jiang Cheng's sake alone, but why doesn't he at least tell one person who could vouch for him. I guess wen Qing knows by default, but she is part of the Wen clan and thus pretty low on the social ladder right now. He doesn't want Lan Wangji to know because he doesn't want to drag him down with him. I get that, too, even though it's bullshit. But Lan Xichen would be a good choice. A) because he is even-tempered and wouldn't act rashly and b) because I'm pretty sure that he would even aid wei Wuxian in shielding lan Wangji.

At the end of this rant, I kind of realised why Wei Wuxian doesn't tell anyone. It makes perfect sense, character-wise. He absolutely strikes me as someone who thinks he has to bear all his burdens alone. And now that he probably thinks of himself as doomed anyway, he might as well run with it. :/

Again, all the awards to his actor. He does an amazing job at giving wwx an aloof and cocky air that crumbles the moment nobody is looking. Way to breakmy heart ... 😔

I honestly believe Jiang Cheng is also worried about Wei Wuxian. He's just never learnt to separate worry from anger

Wei Wuxian is so far from okay :/

Btw, are the light colours that Jiang Cheng and especially Jiang Yanli sre wearing indicative of the fact that they are still in mourning?

I know I've said so before but the only one he is even remotely himself around is Shijie. Even as he tries to put on a good face, at least he lets himself cry, too. He acts almost childlike around her. She's more mother to him than sister, I think

Oh God, little Wei Ying on the streets 🥺🥺🥺

"You were born with a smiling face. Always smiling. You never mind too much about any sorrowful things. No matter how bad your situation is, you can always be happy." But he can't anymore, can he? He's just playing the part at this point, to varying degrees of success.

"Why do you still act like a kid?" See, Shijie thinks so, too

Oh god, the question why one would like someone so much! I'm so anxious to find out, when wwx has any inkling of his own feelings, because at least in the show, this seems to be a very good moment, tragically. Because the way he tries to shield lwj from harm? That's not the way you treat an old school acquaintance.

Very random observation, but wwx's sleeves are mismatched. One is studded in silver, the other one has a simple leathery pattern :D

Aww, the banter between wwx and jc makes me almost tear up at this point, even though they're acting like 6 year olds and I wonder how Shijie kept her sanity for all these years 😅

At the library pavilion at Gusu: "Please don't report this to Hanguang Jun." Lol :D

Is he purposefully going behind his uncle's back right now? 😱

"It seemed not so hard to go back to the old days." That is a very ominous sentence to end an episode on 😬

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