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takabinaryy · 16 days ago

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Magnus Bane the loved babysitter of Brooklyn

Idea by Me Caregiver- Magnus , Erica , and Boyd Babysitter- Magnus Littles- Alec & Stiles Spark- Stiles

Btw Alec is 4-6 because he likes being able to be a "big boy" and just basically be a helper and brother to stiles. But he's mainly 6 in littlespace cuz he likes being independent even if Magnus says he's just a "baby angel" or a " little hatchling". He's only down to 4 after having a bad day , overworked himself, and overstressed. Stiles is kinda similar in a way to, he's 2-4 btw.

After a week or so later just as (planed actually)promised to stiles , Magnus was in fact going to be babysitting him today! He was absolutely excited to be with the warlock and Alec all day, well until his mama and papa pick him up. How does stiles even know Magnus personally you may ask? Magic of course! Magnus had helped stiles with his spark, besides other things as well and soon after that they had became the best of friends. That and Alec when he's feeling little loves getting to play with stiles in little space so it was a a few hours before the warlock was going to open the portal, that would have been opened in the trio's living room in their apartment.

Around nine in the morning Erica had had woken up and did her little morning rituals of waken up more before she had gotten breakfast done around ten thirty for her two favorite males in their shared place, it was Erica's turn to make breakfast since they all take turns cooking breakfast , lunch, and dinner. When Stiles is little, one of his caregivers help him with the cooking. Anyway the amazing woman that she is , Erica had mixed things up a little by making waffles instead of pancakes , and scrambled eggs plus a sunny side up one(that's how Boyd likes his) instead of grits. By the time the food had gotten done , Boyd had walked out of their shared bedroom with, Stiles was holding one of Boyd's hands while the other rubbed the sleep out of his amber eyes. The less sleepy male leads the other to sit at the table then he turns his direction to the kitchen and grabs a sippy cup down from the cup cabinet along with two mugs , setting the mugs down by the sink then grabs the orange juice from the fridge. Leaning over the counter, Boyd gives his girlfriend a "good morning kiss" on her forehead as he pours the juice in the yellow and clear black sippy cup for their clearly sleepy regressed boyfriend at the table.

"Morin darlin"

"And a good morning to you too Love, did my boys sleep well?''

Erica greets him and questions the other as she starts plating up the food and sets it on the table , and doing what her shared boyfriend had done , she press a soft kiss to Stiles's head and passes him the now full sippy cup that Boyd had passed to her. She hears their human mumble a "no nightmares" and a "thank you mama" , she smiles at the manners her pup has and nods her head to him telling her, he had no nightmares because that's a good thing. Since it's been about three months or so since his last one, that's definitely progress with his spark and a certain warlock's magic, which was another thing that was happening actually. When the nightmares got really bad last year and so Stiles and Magnus had combined a sort of spell for the night terrors to stop, so thankfully it's working this well. Anyway like every morning when they are all together for breakfast, Boyd sets Stiles's ADHD meds on the table so the spark can take them after he has some food in his system. Said man hums and also answers the question his girlfriend had ask him and his regressed boyfriend.

" Would have been better if you stayed in bed to cuddle us a bit more"

" yeah? And who would have been up to make breakfast for us three hmm?"

" I suppose you have a point, Lovey "

" I an Honeydew over there always do "

Erica nods her head to Stiles who is in his own little world just drinking his juice as he tries to be more awake. Boyd hums in agreement as he pours them both mugs of coffee , adding hazelnut creamer to Erica's strawberry shaped mug , an adds white chocolate mocha to his own in his coraline mug. That is actually one of Stiles's mugs. He softly handed the blonde her coffee as he sat down next to the brunette at their circle shaped table, and kisses both Erica and Stiles on the cheek. Now that all three beings are sitting down , they enjoy their breakfast and the morning , Erica answering a few texts in a group chat with all the girls in the pack, (Lydia made it after they all went to Paris for a girls trip to get away , plus with exception of the honorary girls being. Peter , Stiles, and Jackson) and no Snow the husky was not forgotten. Erica had gotten her bowl filled with the recommended husky kibble best for Snow by both Scott and Deaton. And the water bowl was and always is full. So yes Snow had not been forgotten, and since Boyd , Erica , and Stiles will be out for most of the day. Ethan and Jackson had actually volunteered to be the ones to watch/dog sit the big fluff that is Snow, why can't Snow go with Stiles you might ask? Chairmen Meow and Church, Magnus's cats who always no matter what , freak out by the sweetheart that is Snow. Oh but they don' freak on the werewolves no. Just regular dogs, aka they are just some judgmental cats.

"And what time did Ethan say, they are coming around to pick Snow?'

Boyd had asked the blonde, after he had finished off his breakfast, and picks up his mug to take a sip, While glancing over at their pup who had been slowly eating his own food. He puts the back of his hand against Stiles's forehead to make sure the somewhat human doesn't have a fever. A sigh of relief leaves Boyd , why? because there's no fever, thankfully. Though Boyd just chalks it up to the pup just being a bit slow this morning.

Removing his hand from the regressed male's head, he kisses the other's head , Erica also getting the same idea. She smiles knowing that Magnus will keep an eye on the spark if he becomes sick later on in the day. The blonde gets up and refills his sippy cup, this time with water instead of more juice.

" After Mags opens the portal to get our baby-pop"

"Huh, you do know that Jackson just wants to steal our dog, right?"

" It's not our fault that we adopted her first. Ethan's husband is just a sore loser"

"Hence why he's an idiot, Vernon darling"

"Whatever you say Love"

"I do say so"

A bit after their breakfast, they cleaned up the dishes, 'they' being Stiles helping Boyd washing and putting said dishes away. Once everything was cleaned and put away all three of them had went back to their hared room, to get properly get dressed for the day. Erica had made sure stiles was dressed for the cold weather , she did call ahead of time and had asked Clary what the weather was like over there. And apparently it's cold enough, that you'll have to actually zip up your cool looking leather jacket.(talking about you Clary , Derek , and Izzy) Getting help from Boyd they decided their regressed boyfriend would be comfy in a grey t-shirt with cute cartoon bees all over it , paired with light blue overalls that are the shorts type instead of the pants kind. Oh and of course his socks with cat paws on them! A light jacket would also be put in his bag incase Magnus takes the little ones out to the park or outside in general. Stiles had made sure to get them on because he wanted to show Chairmen Meow his cat socks. Who is his favorite of the two cats there , just don't tell Magnus's other cat Church that hates everyone but the warlock himself and Clary.

Ethan and Jackson had came early to get Snow, and right after the three left a portal had opened right up in the living room. The portal immediately opens an shows Magnus and Alec, the warlock steps through keeping said portal open for them. Magnus has a big welcoming smile on his face , so does Alex who immediately came over to Stiles, and hugged the other regressor. It's been a while since the two , had met up and seen each other. The warlock thought it was adorable how his angel, and the spark interacted with one another.

Letting the two have their moment , Erica grabs the bag off the couch that was a few inches away from her pup. And walks through the portal setting Stiles's bag on the other couple's couch , also quickly giving church a few head scratches before coming back in her own shared apartment. Standing next to her other handsome boyfriend, who is nursing another mug of coffee.

" They really are adorable Hu? "

Boyd commented sipping at his coffee, Magnus nods in agreement, the blonde laughs lightly while also nodding her head. Her bun falling out of the , hair clip's loose hold. Her non regressed boyfriend catching said hair clip before it even hits the floor, an kissed the other werewolf on the cheek softly.

" They are, our pup has been excited for this playdate for a while now."

" Alexander has been the same way, marking off the calendar for today. Even brought out all his plushie friends to show Muffin"

Magnus tells them , watching the regressed boys move from this apartment to Alec's and Magnus's living room giving the cats a wave of acknowledgement. Before focusing on all the plushies next to the coffee table, only for Stiles to separate from Alec to run off to his own caregivers. Hugging his papa then mama , letting his wolves nuzzle his neck and press kisses all over his face.

" now you be good and listen to Mags okay?"

" I always good papa"

" I know you are pup, just remembering you is all sunshine"

" Muffin is just as well behaved as Alexander is , Darlings. Now I hope you both have a good day"

Both werewolves get a friendly kiss on the cheek, bidding the two a goodbye. Stepping through his portal back inside the loft, letting the spark wave bye one more time before closing it. A letting Erica and Boyd go about their own plans of heading out and helping their pack mate. Magnus turns to Stiles who had stepped back in the other's living room, giving the other magic user a soft smile.

" Now who wants a snack or some juice?"

"Yes please!"

gets said by both regressors who were back by all the plushies, that are set in a neat set of three rows. Shaking his head fondly , walking an going into the kitchen an grabs a sippy cup while summoning Stiles's where it had been been in the Spark's bag. Filling the plastic cups up with mango juice for Alec , and strawberry an kiwi juice for Stiles. Sometimes his Alexander would want the same as Stiles, but lately the nephilim has been flavoring mango drinks and treats. The warlock of the three flicks his hand making two bowls appear on the counter, mixed slices of peach and mango already in said bowls for the two little guppies(little nickname) on the couch or rather in the living room actually. Magnus takes a moment to just watch the two fondly , knowing it's been a hot second since they had a playdate together after all, well that's a lie. Alec an Stiles hang out from time to time, it's just been a while since they both were regressed an playing with one another.

So to the warlock he thinks it's adorable and nice seeing his Alexander being so happy an enjoying his mindset with their just as happy and regressed magic ability user, stepping back in the living room, setting the mixed fruit bowls and sippy cups on the coffee table, and of course putting a small charm incantation over them so Chairman Meow doesn't think he can leap up on the table an eat something not meant for him. Church on the other hand won't even bother, that cat doesn't seem interested in the non-cat food like his brother seems to always be.

Magnus sits himself down on the sofa summoning his own drink , it just being a simple mug of hot raspberry tea, okay maybe there's one ice cube in there, what? Some of us want to drink the tea right away and not burn our tongues, unlike Jace who seems to be immune to burning his tongue apparently. When lost in thought, he hadn't noticed Stiles an Alec moved their attention to the snacks an of course the juice. Which was good that both of them weren't just focused on the plushies and hadn't forgotten about the fruit and sippy cups of juice. Which wouldn't have been the first or last time Alexander had been way too focused on playing a few times instead of taking a break and having a snack. He's sure if he asked Erica or Boyd , they would most likely say the same about their spark(Stiles) as well.

A hour or two passes by Alec an Stiles were playing in a makeshift tent, that Magnus had helped them by using the blankets, kitchen hairs , and the couch pillows. Multiple stuffies were indeed inside said makeshift tent , along with the sippy cups, remote to the tv , said tv is playing Disney channel, specifically monstober episodes. Since it was October, monstober had Halloween episodes and Dcom movies playing all October month long.( my childhood nostalgia I miss) The warlock had made popcorn for the movie that is currently playing(Girl VS Monster) on the screen, the big popcorn bowl is on a flat slightly plush pillow on the floor in from of them, Alec is on his left on his stomach watching the screen, an the spark is sitting crisscrossed holding a big bat squishmallow in his lap while also having his eyes on the movie. Taking a small glaze at his phone, magnus can see it's only four in the afternoon , time does fly by when having fun he thought as he leaned back against a couple of his own pillows he had summoned in the makeshift tent of theirs. which also had dim fairylights on the ceiling of the tent , requested by both littles. an Surprisingly both cats had settled in the tent to, though Magnus is pretty sure they only came in because it was cozy and warm.

#agere fanfiction #fandom agere #agere sfw #agere fanfic #age regression #teen wolf agere #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf #malec fanfic #shadowhunter and teen wolf #shadowhunters #little alec lightwood #little stiles #magnus bane #alec lightwood #stiles stilinski #erica reyes #vernon boyd

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stardustinmyhands · 6 months ago

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Trigger warning- Suicide talk

5/2/24

I’m so itchy. Atarax on board daily now, and consistently. I think my skin is also just dry and I don’t moisturize enough.

I’m mildly in pain. I’m taking my tramadol and adderall today. Yes I take them together.

I’ve been staying on top of my behavioral meds. Ever since my brother committed suicide, I made a promise to my mom to never get to the point where I feel helpless. Due to my borderline personality disorder, ADHD, and autism I have stay on top of my meds to stay in the middle. I take abilify for depression. Trileptal for mood swings. Those two work beautifully for me. I’m thankful they do. All cause a doctor said let’s try them on you.

One’s an antipsychotic and the other is a seizure med.

My stomach has been ok, but my knees and elbows are really hurting. Even with tramadol on board. I will use some NSAID gel in a little bit. If I take my muscle relaxer I will fall asleep.

I did some grocery shopping, and I think I’m also sore from a lot of driving yesterday. I carried a 24 pack of water today, which didn’t help my elbow pain. So I didn’t do much around the house today cause of the pain. Hopefully my gf understands, which she usually does.

#chronic illness #autoimmine disease #chronic life #spoonie #chronic pain #borderline personality disorder

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nope-body · 9 months ago

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Gotta love being denied the rights to Company because a totally different version of the musical is on national tour and coming to the nearest city immediately after your show would close! We’re appealing it, but it’s like a 50/50 shot at this point. Bonus on top of all that, I can’t sleep! As in, it’s 6:37 am and I have been up since like 11:30 am yesterday, and in that time have (mostly) figured out registration for my private reading course (it only took three months), cleared up a misunderstanding from my end and started spitballing ideas for an action plan for company with our intimacy choreographer, cried about having to fill the role of making theater more accessible because sometimes I just want to be able to do theater and not be the trailblazer, drafted an outline for a submission for a USITT award, went to the invited dress rehearsal where I am tech-week ASM, immediately caught the shuttle to my friend’s dorm (who’s directing company, I’m sm) for us to Figure Things Out (appeal or no, and what’s our backup title) because we had a deadline of midnight because that’s when virtual auditions opened, helped write an email to the faculty member helping us get rights who advised us to go with our backup title instead of appealing and we had to say “we fully understand what you’re recommending and why. However, we are stubborn and think we can win the appeal and also company is our baby at this point. Here’s all the reasons why we think we can win the appeal. Here’s our backup title and plan if the appeal is denied. We promise we thought this through and know the risks we’re taking,” then I got to pet two different cats, then I had to borrow my friend’s car to drive back to my dorm because the shuttle had stopped running (it was that late) and then I tried to sleep but couldn’t, so I journaled about everything I did relating to company today (for that private reading) and somehow that took 3 hours (it’s 5:30 am at this point) and tried to sleep again, couldn’t, sent out info to our newly recruited props person, ate a bit of food because I’m starving, and now I’m going to brush my teeth because I need to and what else am I going to do?

I did just figure out why I didn’t sleep at all. I might have maybe accidentally taken my adhd meds instead of my pain meds because it was dark and both are little capsules. So I’ll take my pain meds, nap in the morning, then take my adhd meds and go do all the work I need to do I guess? Who knows. At least I didn’t take that weird sleeping pill I was given at one point because I tried to counteract my adhd meds with it once and I ended up wide awake with a racing mind and unable to move a muscle because my body was so fatigued. It was a horrible night. This has been better, at least.

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dearunknown · 1 year ago

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05/27-28/23 (late night saturday, actually early sunday)

Dear Unknown,

Just got back from the DJ set. I did horribly. I feel so embarrassed I could die. I wish I’d gone to the hospital instead of honoring a commitment. Oh, well. Ezra and I left very quickly. I made us leave very quickly. I want to cry but am too ashamed to cry over something so miserable and stupid. Plus I don’t want anyone’s comfort. I don’t want a kind word or a kind touch from Ezra. Even Caro… well, I’d let Caro do anything to me.

As soon as I got home, I tore off my wristband (yellow) and wrote on it in black sharpie MY LAST DJ SET - 12 AM-1 AM 5/27-28, 2023 WORK.SHOP and put it at a perfect spot so that every morning almost inevitably upon waking up I will be reminded of my laziness, inadequacy, stupidity, vanity, — my weaknesses— and be reminded that I should never try for anything ever, ever again. I should take all my ambitions, all my desires, and shove them away. Nothing is ever going to happen for me. Nothing. The fact that I have a poor-paying but basically respectable job only serves to highlight the absurdity of my life. I want to let myself lose. I want to let myself lose control. I’m over it. I’m over my life. The wanton optimism of my 29 is putrid. It was rotten on the vine. I am a bad, weak, stupid person. I will not make it. I will not break out of my life. Continue living as a hollow vessel, or hang myself. The distinction is completely irrelevant. If I’m alive, that’s just a biological fact. I am the ancient mariner, my albatross is this horrible life I’ve made for myself. My soul is in complete squalor. I am less than anything. I am sorry to darken anyone’s doorstep. When Caro moves to New York, I will throw myself completely to drunkenness and desolate emptiness. I will probably stop taking any ADHD meds this summer, and my antidepressants after Caro leaves. I will be so contemptible and broken. Every day of drinking I will finish with my usual melange of klonopin and trazodone. One day might heart might feel slow enough I can feel it’s loss of feeling.

Today I talked to Nikolai on the phone. He made me promise to give Ezra my credit cards. He also told me to do the same with my alcohol, but I’m not doing that.

I hope tomorrow I feel horrible. I hope the next day, I feel worse. I hope every day becomes more of a curse than the last. In the end, my one heroism will be that I endured for so long.

I will accomplish nothing. I cannot be loved except for the mirages I put up of myself. I should withdraw from anyone who I am not forced to associate with. I will lavish all of my energy upon Caro before they leave. And as they drive away, I will see my future approach the horizon line. And I will collapse into my curse. I only have to be alive for 2 more months, maybe 3 or 4 at most.

Nikolai thinks I’m borderline. He also said that people who are in happy relationships don’t think (as I do of Ezra) about how they wish their partner hated them so much they would break up with them. I hope… I hope it isn’t alcoholism that does it. Although I am completely intent on being an alcoholic now, I hope that’s not what destroys this relationship. How banal. I hope he just grows to see me as I am, as the most contemptible woman. I have done so much evil to Ezra, but the worst thing I have done is certainly make him think he needs me, or wants me, or loves me. I am a ball of maggots projecting the image of a woman.

I hope my mother knows she did this to me. My grandmother did this to me. My aunt did this to me. The world did this to me. But really, I DID THIS TO ME.

I’m never listening to my therapist again when she encourages me to do something challenging. What a waste of everyone else’s time. I’m always going to be a waste of everyone’s time.

Thank you for listening. I hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry to be so self-centered. If you could write me back, I would attentively pour over your letters. I wish you weren’t so unknown to me.

Love,

Elizabeth

#personal

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lululawrence · 3 years ago

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Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

#long post #rant #i almost deleted this #but you sent it on just the right day and instead i let loose #this is unedited and unbetaed lmao but ENJOY #or don't #whatever #writing stuff #i should tag it #writing SHIT #but that's not really a tag i keep cause who wants to keep track of the negatives #not me

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years ago

Text

seven

Rich and powerful men can marry seven different women in a wild attempt to produce the perfect heir. Todoroki Enji is one of these powerful men, and you’re his seventh bride.

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pairing: todoroki enji (endeavor) x fem!reader

warnings: edo period!endeavor (king henry viii inspo), forced marriage, alcohol consumption, 18+, smut, non-con, dub-con, size difference, breeding kink, rough-sex, pain, degradation, & mind break

word count: 5,750

a/n: fuck that family who started the fire in socal. my campus is literally raining ashes up in oregon. im so tired. two exams monday. im going to be going on meds for anxiety and adhd soon, so thats new. uh,,, this is like LOL its a bit bad,,, but I really, really lust over asshole enji who only wants to breed bitches and thats it. this is for the bnharem fantasy au collab, i wan’t that creative sorry see ya later skaters.

PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE WARNINGS. PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE WARNINGS. PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE WARNINGS.

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One.

Fate: Spared.

Two.

Fate: Executed.

Three.

Fate: Died during childbirth.

Four.

Fate: Spared.

Five.

Fate: Executed.

Six.

Fate: Executed.

Seven.

Fate: Unknown.

Silks and expensive cloth held a scent that was irreplicable.

The smooth smell of the layers upon layers of fabric wrapped around your body did nothing to quench the building layer of ice in your stomach.

You were scared.

Rightfully so.

Six women came before you, and if you wanted to live, you would have to do better than them.

Marrying the Todoroki Clan head was something that most women could only dream of accomplishing in this day and age. The Todoroki’s, after all, are strong, rich, powerful, undefeated. They held the real power in this age, more influential and notable than the emperor that repeatedly begged the family for support, be it in power, strength, or money.

But, it was also known knowledge that the man who sat at the head of the clan, who held the power of the Todoroki name and future, was a man not to be trifled with.

Todoroki Enji was an endeavor of a man.

There had always been whispers about the head of the family, how he stood eight feet tall, and how his body was not lean like most warriors, but thick and savagely sturdy. His hair was red, blessed by the sun some claimed, or cursed by the devil others alleged. His temper and barbaric nature on the battlefield were, of course, rumored by the people on your lands, who had been indebted by the Todoroki Clan because of their protection and profits.

Todoroki Enji was not a man to be trifled with.

Especially not if the rumors were true.

He was painted as a demon by everyone. Still, Enji was no demon, he was human, and if he was to allow the Todoroki Clan's legacy to continue, he needed an heir… but since he was human, he was aging.

Six women.

You knew that it was six women because you had been alive to experience five of them.

You remember the newly married couple being paraded through the streets.

Todoroki Enji remained hidden within his vehicle's confines while his new wife, doe-eyed, smiling, effervescent, would greet the gathered crowds. You often wondered what they thought when you would conjure in respect for the man who ensured your childhood and adolescence were not corrupted by thieves and horror.

You wondered what she thought when promising the village elders that she would produce a strong, male heir. You raised an eyebrow at the thought that maybe, just maybe they believed that they would be different -- be able to birth a strong, capable male heir.

Six wives.

Twenty children.

Two weak, sickly boys.

A whole clan of girls.

Were they idiotic, blind, or batshit insane to ever believe that they would be different?

You undoubtedly didn’t know.

Three of the six had been executed.

Three of six had been proud to state they would produce a strong male Todoroki heir, noting that his two sons -- Touya and Natsuo -- would be removed from the family as soon as their strong son was born.

One of those three birthed a weak, sickly baby boy. She passed in childbirth and took him with her one day after.

Another of those three birthed four girls, two sets of twins because, of course, they were given two chances. She was executed on treason.

The final of those three had simply pissed him off; rumor had it. Her pussy was too tight, unwilling to sheath the thick massive cock that belonged to him… no point in breaking something that wouldn’t bend when there was more pussy out there (you remember she had been ugly too).

But what you didn’t expect was for his clan members to come through your village's streets with an announcement in hand.

Of the six women before you, three had held significant political power -- the three that survived.

Of the remaining three, there was a poet, the other a woman soldier of his, and the last being a clan member.

You had never known what the decision process was, not even a little bit, so when men dressed in dark robes with the Todoroki sigil and katana’s strapped to their sides infiltrated your village, you were on edge.

“All women who are fertile and beautiful, line up, and no, we don’t care if you’re married,” was the short, almost taunting order, and you had never felt sicker.

You were among the seventy females in your village that matched the requirement they demanded.

Your sight was almost glued to the floor as they walked through you all, your fists grabbing your light blue kimono as the men groped the women in line, teasing the breasts of the pregnant women, rutting their poorly concealed cocks through the valley of asses, shoving between some girls thighs with loopy, proud smiles on their faces, beating any man who attempted to protect any one of their honors.

But you were towards the end of the line, standing where they decided to save for last, and you were helpless to it all. You watched knowing that of the sixty-something women ahead of you, none of them remained.

The whimpers, cries, and whines grew louder by your ear, your spine rigid and sore with its tightness as the girl beside you dropped to the floor in her fear. You couldn’t bother looking at her as the parting of their robes seemed to be akin to gunpowder going off in your ears. The horrified squeal on her tongue being silenced when a cock slammed through her lips, the tears pouring down her face useless, if anything, only encouraging their roughhousing.

Your lip curled at the sound of her pathetic whining, the incessant need of her to tell them that she was not okay with this was nails on an iron plate. It annoyed you, it pissed you off.

“Look at this one,” the snickering laughter of a man breathed by your ear, instantly stilling and freezing the anger that was once radiating like fire from your chest. “She doesn’t look ashamed… she looks like she’s jealous. Maybe these common bitches do have someone good enough for Boss.”

Spluttering gasps and hiccuping cries came from the ground, and you couldn’t even bother glancing at the woman you had known all your life laying on the floor, kimono ripped open, and white, sticky cum dripping from her mouth.

“Well, there’s nothing like taking her out for a test run,” came a sleazy smile, and when two hands gripped at your clothed breasts, you didn’t so much as raise a brow at their perverted actions.

You had won in the end against them. Each perverted, twisted intention they placed against you, dirt crusted fingernails digging into your arms, purpling, throbbing cocks pressed into your backside… it hadn’t mattered.

You didn’t budge.

You didn’t cry.

You didn’t make a noise.

A simple smirk remaining on their faces at your inevitable victory against the other women in your village -- against the crying, cum stuffed women who stared at your victorious and stubborn form without a clue on how you managed.

And where did that land you?

In a room with only one window too high up for an average person to reach, white silks and fabrics adorning your body, and ceremonial ornaments in your hair.

Six women came before you, but today, you would become the seventh.

With you, there would be seven women to have wed Todoroki Enji, but you weren’t scared because you feared the fate of the six before you. No, you were much better than them; you already knew that for a fact.

The anxiety that coursed through your veins created that ice pit in your stomach came from one place and one place only.

Your cunt already sobbed at the thought of even attempting at taking his thick, veiny cock you knew was the size of your thigh later tonight.

A virgin like you had no chance of survival.

The doors to your room soon slammed open, and your back stiffened at the sight of a familiar face of an escort you had. His eyes didn’t meet yours; they were focused at the wall, his face tense and tight.

“It’s best we leave now, y/l/n, Todoroki-sama doesn’t like waiting.”

The weight of the white silk on your body felt like a brick when you stood up from your position, and you wondered if the sweat from your pits and palms would damage the kimono -- if it was noticeable. But you had a duty, and as number seven, you had no motive to be executed before even getting the chance to prove yourself.

You knew how wishes worked; the secret was in being silent about your desire… never reveal what your wish was, or the world wouldn’t grant it.

Or at least, that’s what you told yourself every time you heard the all too familiar words of: “I’ll produce a fine Todoroki heir,” through the lips of the dead and the divorced. They had spoken it to the universe, acknowledged what they needed, and the cruel world failed them each and every time.

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts, so consumed by the idea of what would happen tonight, you hardly realized that with the heaving puffing breathes you took to keep up with the man’s ridiculous strides, that you had made it to the shrine that you had been brought to wed.

But you couldn’t even take in the beauty of the shrine to your left because you were more interested in who was standing in the pathway towards the shrine.

Todoroki Enji.

He stood on the stone-paved path, his bulky, beefy arms folded across his chest, the fabric of his kimono taut and tight against his flexed muscle, and a sour frown on his face. It was as the rumors had spoken, you realized when you stopped mere strides away from your future husband, he was a man that looked both godly and cursed.

Bright red hair glistened like copper pans under the sunlight, waving and flickering like a raging fire with every small burst of wind. He stood at almost eight feet high, maybe eight feet, you had no idea. All you knew is that as your feet stumbled when getting near to this man, you were dwarfed, feeling like a child next to their father as you gazed up at his unmoving, scarred face. His eyes didn’t look down at you, but even you could see the clear, sharp blue in them, and for the first time, you questioned reality.

Was this man truly human? Was he genuinely Japanese?

Seeing him before you made your knees buckle in fear, arousal, and anticipation.

You wanted to see what had made the sixth scream to stop.

You wanted to see just what he was hiding behind the ridiculously tight fitted kimono, but your thoughts were yanked away when his hand -- no doubt bigger than your head -- pressed to space between your shoulder blades and pushed you.

“We’re on a tight schedule,” he merely growled, his eyes burning at something a million miles away, and with a small, pitiful whimper, you allowed him to lead the way.

The wedding ceremony was… odd, to say the least.

While you had never been married, you had attended a few weddings within your lifetime already, and never once had it felt so disturbing dead and raw as it had today. This Shinto ceremony, typically doused with symbolism and motifs for the greatest possible outcome for the union between you and Todoroki Enji, was stripped from the shrine walls, leaving the walls barren and cold as both he and the priest proceeded through the ceremony at breakneck speed.

It wasn’t something Enji wanted; you realized that clearly the moment he refused to meet your gaze; his blue eyes remaining on the priest.

Everything the both of you performed together was done haphazardly, the lack of symbols you had always wished to see in your wedding ceremony forgotten, undoubtedly seen as a farce by a man like Todoroki Enji, but still, your heart ached.

You hadn’t noticed when the ceremony had ended; Enji never once allowing you to move, or do anything for that matter, by yourself. There was no use in fighting against a man who’s entire hand fit around your forearm, his thumb even resting against his fingernail -- oh yes, this man was huge.

There was no telling when he paraded you through the streets of his territory, allowing you to numbly speak to the village elders, to allow your parents to press their sweaty palms to your cheeks because god, please, please survive this, their touch practically sobbed. You smiled at them, eyes numb with the reality of what this was going to be for you, but the cheerful tone on your tongue remained optimistic and bright with every passing word.

The scornful thoughts of the sixth woman being too weak to handle Enji had dissipated, and you wondered just what the other five did to survive what you knew was a massive fucking cock hidden beneath the shrowds of his black kimono.

You would survive, you would survive, you would survive.

But far before you were ready to, you arrived back at the Todoroki front, the wooden estate standing sturdy and strong, the air of power and aura almost tangible. The samurai and clansmen who had undoubtedly awaited for you and your now-husband (that was still odd to think about) to return. Pairs of warm, weathered hands helped you from the carriage, and without so much of a whisper of thanks, they escorted you away, heads bowed at the mercy of their leader.

Once more, you were abandoned in your room.

The window no longer allowed the streaming setting sunlight in, your room was in the eastern part of the estate, and with the nighttime coming, the setting sun was merely a memory to you.

And in that room, the tiny, unspacious room that seemed much more for a prisoner than the seventh wife of Todoroki Enji, you tried not to cry.

The door slamming open hours after you had fallen asleep had taken you by surprise.

Enji had left you to your own entertainment, and long after you were served dinner, and informed that no, Todoroki-sama would not be visiting you right now because he was busy, you had sat on the bed in your silks and robes, numbly looking at the star-filled sky. Sleep was the only thing you could do, and with the last servant visit being past midnight, you took to sleep.

Except that you forgot a sparing, important detail.

This was Todoroki Enji’s world, and you were merely his legal fuckhole.

The heavy footsteps of Enji entering the room echoed in your ear, and the door closed behind him, solidifying the end of the beginning of what you once knew.

“Seven,” he growled into the night, and your spine snapped straight.

He loomed above you, the tatami mat suddenly feeling like a brick wall against your side, and you swallowed pathetically at the way his deep, raspy voice sent shivers down your spine.

This had been the first time you had heard him speak, all other forms of communication between him and the priest and he and his clan members had been nonverbal, solely told through those piercing blue eyes that only let you dream of what he sounded like -- of what he was demanding. But you lay confused, your eyebrows scrunched at just why he had called out the number seven?

Seven what?

You twisted where you lay, your eyes meeting his own, and despite the lack of light in the room, you could see the cold, distant glint in his eyes.

“Oh good,” he mocked, his voice low and dangerous, eyes squinted in his apparent lack of approval. “You can hear.”

“S-Seven what?” you stammer, your elbow pressing into the mat, pushing you up so that you could look at your husband, uncertainty and discomfort scorching every nerve in your body.

You didn’t know what to do.

Then, it hit you. The bitter, numbing smell of alcohol coated in a fine layer around his skin, the small puffs of angry air from his mouth letting you know that your husband was inebriated, and your throat clenched when he began to dismantle his kimono.

“T-This isn’t a good idea!” you stammer, the white silk robes you were still dressed in because they refused to allow you a set of sleeping clothes because the marriage needed to be consummated, felt stiff and not protective enough. “You won’t produce a proper heir if you’re intoxicated.”

Enji raised an eyebrow at you, and your thudding heart failed to cease as his robes hit the floor with an unceremonious thud.

Whiskey dick wasn’t something foreign to you; the countless men you had sucked off in your time, the numerous sex stories you had been shared with always had some instance of a man getting drunk and being able to get their cock hard, but this…?

If this was Enji’s whiskey dick, you weren’t sure what to expect of his sober cock.

His cock was already hard, the veins in his cock large, plentiful, and bulging in many areas. It was thick, without a doubt thick enough where it would take both your hands to circle around his cock, and it was long, the swollen weeping tip leaking against his abdomen. His cock was magnificent yet deadly, and your pussy spasmed in fear of having that monster all twelve plus inches shoved into your virgin cunt.

“The fuck are you doing, seven?” Enji snarled, his powerful naked legs moving toward you, his feet pressing into the mat, and his hand reaching out to you. “I didn’t marry you for you to just stare at my fucking cock like some piss-shit baby.”

There was no time to panic, protest, or even prepare yourself for the sudden sharp, dull ache in your jaw when he pressed his monster cock past your chapped, chewed lips.

Immediately, it was overwhelming.

The engorging cock had barely passed your lips, but you were already gagging against the unwelcomed size, the horrid ache sending spilling tears down your cheeks, doing nothing but annoying the man before you. His hands gripped your hair, his eyes not even bothering to look at you as he fucked your mouth.

“Stop fucking resisting,” Enji snarled, his hips coming to meet your mouth in a vicious, unpleasant snap, the head of his cock pressing down your clenched throat, and so much of his cock still remaining far from your mouth. “Take my cock like the fucking whore I know you are, seven.”

You gasp for air, but with his cock ramming further and further down your throat, the scalding heat emitting from his skin burning your throat, making you gag and choke around him in your fear. You couldn’t breathe, you realized in a panic, and your eyes widened in fear, drool and spit spilling down your chin pathetically as Enji hums contently.

“Don’t feel so scared, seven,” Enji cruelly smirked up at the ceiling, his hips lazily, sloppily, yet powerfully delivering his cock into your bulging throat. “I heard what you did to my men, how you let them fuck you however they saw fit, how you scoffed and scowled at the other pathetic weak bitches who couldn’t handle a little groping… I thought you would like this? What is it? Never had a real fucking cock before? A little whore like yourself only gotten shitty little cocks?”

Wordlessly, you begged to be shown mercy, your vision blackening as he choked out all forms of oxygen, his war weathered body unbothered by your clawing fingers on his thighs. No, you were too weak for it to hurt him.

His hands left your hair, and you collapsed back onto the bed, gasping for air, choking, and coughing for oxygen that only burned all through your system, sitting unpleasantly in your lungs while tears and saliva mixed on your throat.

“Where the fuck are do you think you’re going, seven?” Enji barked, his body suddenly looming over yours, and you felt trapped, unable to move as the mountain of a man trapped you between his sturdy arms and legs. His cock, warm and sticky with your spit and his precum, sat heavily on your stomach, the size difference between the two of you even more pronounced when the tip of his cock rested at the bottom of your ribcage. “All you did was lube up my cock for your stupid, tight pussy. Don’t think I was satisfied with that childish blowjob -- next time, if you want to cry, make sure it’s loud enough that I feel it against my cock.”

You pathetically moan at his words, the tears still falling from your eyes because your throat and jaw hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

“Please,” you gasped as his cinder hot hands pressed to your breasts against your kimono, he quickly enveloped your tender flesh in his hands despite the fabric. “Please, no more.”

“I don’t remember this marriage being about you,” he mocked, and with no more of a glinting snarl of his mouth, he tore the kimono straight off your body. The horrified scream that left your lips was silenced by the echoing slap across your face.

Pain blistered at the side of your face, and the resulting tears couldn’t be felt against your numbed skin as Enji continued his conquest, his fingers pulling and ripping any and all fabric pressed against your body.

“Get away!” you weakly whimpered, body trembling and twisting as you attempted to escape the man looming above you, finally ridding you of all dresses, hands pressing to the back of your thighs to push you into a position that he liked. “Leave me alone, leave me alone…”

There was no fire in your words, nothing but the aching fear and undeniable terror.

But the words did nothing to Enji, who continued to move you so that your tight, virgin cunt lined up with his throbbing, red cockhead. Even like this, your face was pressed into his chest. His body unworldly larger than yours, incredibly goliath compared to you.

“You know, seven, if you keep trying to escape me and you keep trying to save yourself, then why are you so fucking wet with everything I’ve done?” he growls down at you, his piercing blue eyes staring straight through you, the tears falling down your face doing nothing but encouraging him because he was right… your cunt, just like his cock, was wet, dripping with the undeniable pleasure of this all. There was a fire, a shameful fire, in your pussy, throbbing in time with the stinging pulse in your face that begged for Enji’s cock despite it all. “You fucking tiny little slut… I can feel just how my actions -- how my words -- affect you, getting you off like a bitch in heat! Your efforts to hide it are pathetic, fucking useless.”

Pain.

If you thought you knew what pain was before right now, you had to be wrong.

Enji’s girth was overwhelming, nearly splitting your shuddering tight walls while he buried his cock entirely within you. Nausea builds in the back of your throat, a soundless shriek breaking past your bleeding lips, your hips bucking in their relentless attempt to adjust to the way that he was splitting your walls in two, and your face flushed in pain and lust press into his chest, the only part of him you could touch.

Fuck, fuck, “fuck!” you cried, fat and painful tears pushing past your eyes, dripping down the apples of your cheeks while Enji sighed at the feeling of your hot cunt against his cock, blood seeping out of your pussy in such a pretty way he couldn’t help but smile.

“You’ve got a really tight cunt,” he observes, his hips slamming against you without warning, his mind only caring about him, setting off another round of painful screams while he situates within you. “Mhm, this is nice. A tight, young pussy always means a good womb, you’ll give me the heir I need… I’ll make sure to fuck you full of my cum.”

His hips then begin to thrust upward into you, the tip of his cock unable to reach the beginnings of your walls that he seemed to attempt to get to with each powerful blow. But it was his girth that had your body tensed, back arched in pain, eyes clenched in nothing but pain.

Pain.

“Hey.” SLAP. Your head snapped to the side, a burning, stinging pain on your cheek, alerting you that your eyes were closed. Your piqued breathing spluttered and so spaced between it was as if you were having some sort of asthma attack. Enji looked down at you, blue eyes burning demonly down at you (you wondered if this was the same look those who survived to see him on the battlefield claimed he had), his lips curled into an unapproving snarl while his hands pushed at the bottom of your knees. You pressed further into the tatami, the angle of penetration only furthering with your desperate screams to be gentler. “Shut the hell up, you’re annoying me with all this fucking screaming. Don’t waste my time.”

You whimper loudly, the feeling of his forcibly moving hips not becoming any easier on you, no longer a wave of intensive horrifying pain, but still a throbbing pain than had your fingernails cutting into his skin. “You have to be gentler! Be gentler, please be gentler! You’re so much bigger than me!!! My pussy can’t… my pussy can’t handle this!”

The fabric of the kimono under your body seared with heat when Enji shoved you further onto the mat, your legs twitching almost pathetically around his waist while your sight nearly blackened with his next action. He slammed your knees into the mat, increasing the angle of his penetration by a tenfold, sending you into another round of howling pain and pleasure as his cock slammed into your cervix -- bruising and scalding your puffy, sensitive walls with every powerful thrust. With his drilling hips and snarling speed, your screams and shouts of pain and pleasure and fear were cut off by an enormous fist around your neck, and his voice echoed from above you.

“Didn’t your dad teach you fucking whore to be quiet, seven?” Enji hisses, his thick hand clenching around your neck. Oxygen refused to flow to your lung, you went light-headed and limp, choking noises emitting from you while he continued to slam his cock in you, your clenching and splitting walls unable to keep up with the speed of the esteemed nobleman of Japan. “You’re my breeding whore, do you understand? You have no value to me except to be breed, to be full of my cum, to carry my child. You are nothing more than an object. Do. You. understand?”

Your head throbbed, the blood forcibly kept in your head, and the lack of oxygen made your world spin.

“Y-Yes!” you choke on your tongue.

“Repeat it!”

“I’m your breeding whore! Fill me with your cum, I wanna… fuck, I w-wanna carry your children! I’m your object, I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours!”

“There we go,” Enji sighs contently, his broad chest pressing your thighs further into the bed, cutting off what limited oxygen you had left, and increasing the jabbing pleasure within you by a tenfold.

“Shit, such a filthy fucking cunt you have,” he groans, your walls spasming against him with his wild, obscene thrusts. He moves his hands further up your legs so that they press against your knees, your legs then wrap around his body, shaking as he makes no effort to slow in his advances, your finger drawing blood from where they raked down his back because he was burning an outline of your body into the mat. Your strangled scream goes unnoticed by Enji, a desperate plea for him to be softer.

But he wasn’t someone who cared.

You were only here to be bred, to give him a son, the strongest son the entire country of Japan -- nay, the world -- has ever seen.

Pathetically, your hips attempt to rise up to meet him, a prayer that it would ease this brutal force he was using. It was too much -- his cock easily overpowering your throbbing cunt.

The sounds of his cock slamming into your sopping pussy created loud wet noises that made you cry in embarrassment. Your face felt like it was seconds from popping out, Enji’s weight crushing you on top of the abhorrent position he was fucking you in, but he found it as an excuse to speed up. His rugged grunts are warnings in your ears as his cock finally hits your cervix with consistency that makes you wail. The stretch he gave you was boggling, and you were progressively less cognitive aware as he drilled in harder. His slams were so hard that the sound of his thighs hitting your ass let out a continuous and loud slap.

His fingers gouge into your skin, and you cry his name like a hopeful prayer as he is fueled by your appraisal, your breath hot and sticky between the valley of his chest. Your tongue pressing against his skin akin to some infant looking to suck their mothers tit.

The force in which Enji slammed his hips to meet yours. Above your ear, the growling pants that mocked you for enjoying this demeaned you for thinking you were anything more than his breeding whore sent a liquid fire that could never match the heat of a conflagration to your core. When your head smashed against the mat because you could no longer keep your head up.

“That’s fucking right,” he laughs, drool pouring past your lips with your mindless babble, your eyes fluttering closed. Pleasure drowned in pain sobs expelled from your lips, invigorating something powerful within the entire family who watches on with impatient stares at the sight of your squeezing cunt around Eniji’s cock. “Take my fucking cock, bitch, don’t fucking pass out yet, we’re far from over.”

Enji was raw power, destruction, and strength. He pistoled into your sobbing core with the intent of getting his sperm into your cunt, to get his sperm that would get him a son into you, other than that, he was uncaring, unmotivated by your pathetic whining and crying. Your thrashing and wailing do not stop Enji, nor do they lessen the pace and the force he’s settled in as the floor begins to creak with every powerful thrust.

“I needa — holy shit, r-right there! M-More, more, more, more--”

“What? Do you need to come already, seven?” Enji mocks you pushing up off you so his back is curved, and your body so small underneath him. “Do you really think I’ll let you cum before me?”

Your eyes can no longer stay open as the only noises leaving your mouth are whines and begs for more. You forcibly clench around him to stir a reaction from him, but all he does is snarl quietly as he continues his rutting force. The pounding is rhythmic. His balls bruising your ass where he hits you. The feeling of Enji’s cock entering and leaving you draws your eyes to the back of your head as you pathetically whimper his name, his thighs hitting your ass at bruising force, only adding to your pleasure.

Each powerful snap of his hips sending your back arching to the heavens, the balls of your feet digging bruisingly into his back. In and out he goes, your cunt nothing more than a cocksleeve for him, and your wanton screams and mewls taking him further and further.

Enji all but laughs into your ear, his hand moving from pressing onto the tatami mat and pushing into your opened mouth, pressing onto your tongue. “Suck my fingers like a good whore, show me that you’re not gonna disappoint me. Suck my fingers.” you sob in the thought, not because you’re fearful of disappointing the man, but because the feeling of his fingers in your mouth makes your cunt throb ludicrously, your tongue desperately wrapping around the appendages, pushing through the space of his fingers. “I’m going to fill you up so good, breeding whore. You’ll be leaking my cum for days. I’m going to make sure you carry the Todoroki gene, and I hope that it’s my son you carry.”

The words incite clenching heat in your core, your lips unable to form anything but a weak, pitiful moan because the thought of being filled to the max with Todoroki cum makes your mind spin. More, you want to milk them all dry. You want nothing more than that. With a ragged breath, a consecutive full thrust that sends his cock slamming against your cervix, Enji cums fully within you. His load is long and heavy, your belly feeling like it’s bulging when he finally emerges from your cunt. His once hard cock limping in his hands while you lay there defeated, his and your intermixed cum spilling from your pulsing cunt.

Your mouth opened, sobbing at his absence, a need for him to return despite your core's undeniable tremor and ache. He’s off your body as well, and oxygen floods your lungs in dizzying and shallow pants, your vision fuzzies out, and you stare almost brokenly at the window painted with the rising morning sun.

Your room was in the east wing, after all.

You didn’t even protest when he pressed a smooth wooden plug into your cunt to “ensure you were bred to succession.”

He would soon leave your room, stumbling out with a drunken hiccup, leaving you to lay on a once white kimono… a once white kimono drenched in cum, blood, sweat, and tears.

You wouldn’t know until two weeks later, but Todoroki Enji had succeeded in breeding you, and you would eventually lay in a birthing room with blood and sweat and tears soaking your skin as a silent baby boy was placed in your arms.

“And what will his name be?” the midwife asked, her eyes wide with joy for you and Enji.

“...Shouto.”

#endeavor x reader #todoroki enji x reader #endeavor smut #bnha #bnha x reader #mha

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barry-j-blupjeans · 3 years ago

Note

Blupjeans and 5!!!

5. “are you flirting with me?”

(general/fluff prompt list - accepting!!)

((sometimes u just wrote 1k+ of blupjeans and their mental illnesses and that's ok))

If Barry was being honest, he had never been the best at keeping his thoughts to himself at inopportune times. It got better, with the ADHD pills. Today, unfortunately, he had forgotten to take them. Along with the rest of his meds. Today was a mess. He had been staring at his lab work for the last fifteen minutes, while Lup worked on something next to him. His mind was- wondering, at best, focusing on Lup, at worse.

Lup was so- gods, she was the best. Barry didn't have many friends before Lup and her brother showed up. To be honest, he didn't have many friends after they showed up, either, but once they had gotten past their differences, Barry had never met someone he liked more. Friendship-wise and, well, romantically.

Barry was- he was a walking disaster, in his humble opinion. Half the time he was running late to school, the other half he was there so early that school didn't start for at least a few hours. He was a good student, he had decent grades and he could function pretty well by himself most of the time. He liked to stay after school because getting work done at home just wasn't the same. He couldn't motivate himself there.

Most of his friends opted to go home. Lup liked to stay sometimes. Barry liked Lup. It all worked out.

He had thought... okay, well, he had thought he was being subtle about it. He thought he had been able to keep his act together pretty well, despite the fact he had had a crush on Lup for the last five years. Or more. Probably more.

His friends had broken the news... not so gently to him a few months ago. Meaning that Taako had literally hit him in the head with a book when he tried to bluff his way through "not liking Lup" and Magnus hadn't stopped laughing for a whole thirty minutes when he had insisted Lup "didn't like him back".

She did. Apparently. According to Lucretia and Magnus and Taako, who probably knew her the best out of all of them. Then he spent another thirty minutes listening to Taako bemoaning about having to put up with Lup's crush on Barry. Their little meeting had ended with them insisting that he make some kind of move with her because she probably wouldn't reject him.

He got word from Magnus that they had had the same exact conversation with Lup, too. They were both "too fucking stupid" to make a move on each other, though. Barry assured him that they would talk.

It had been... nearly six months.

And he forgot his ADHD pills today.

"Are you flirting with me?" Barry asked, breaking the silence of the otherwise empty lab room. Lup looked up from her work (AP physics, maybe-?) and stared at him. It took Barry's brain a second to catch up with what he had just said.

"Not right now!" he rushed on. "I- fuck, uh, I- okay, so. Taako and- they talked to me. A while ago and were like, "Hey, Barry, stop being so fucking dumb about liking Lup!" and I was like, "hey, that's none of your business!" and then Taako said you liked me too, but I was just like, y'know, that's Taako just trying to get me to do something stupid for- for a joke.

But they've all been like- weirdly insistent on it? Even Lucretia, who, uh- I don't think she or Magnus would do anything mean-spirited like this, most of the time, which makes me think they're being serious- not that Taako is mean spirited, he's just more-" Lup was staring at him. "...eccentric. With how he shows affection. Sorry."

Lup... wasn't staying anything. The grip she had on her pencil had loosened considerably and he watched as it fell onto her paper. He swallowed tight, panic seizing up in his chest. This was maybe- okay, this wasn't the best way to talk about it, yeah. She was- Fuck, okay, he-

"Sorry," Barry said, looking away finally, even though it still feel like her eyes were burning through him. "Right, sorry, I, uh, I should go, and-"

"Barry, wait," she said and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. He also didn't take his anxiety meds this morning. What was the point of his fucking pill caddy if he didn't remember to take his pills-

"You're not fucking with me, are you?" she asked. "You really- uhm. You like me too?"

"Yeah," Barry choked out, eyes still shut. Was his heart pounding because of anxiety, or the tension, or- "I should go," he said again, standing up. He stood up, eyes trained to the ground, and Lup caught his arm.

"Deep breaths," she said and Barry sucked in a one that maybe was too deep. She let him sit back down, hand going from holding his wrist to holding his hand. He was sweating. Was that gross? That was probably gross.

"I forgot my pills this morning," Barry said, trying to make it sound like a joke.

"I know," Lup said. "You said during lunch. Babe- Barry, just focus on your breathing, okay?"

"Okay," Barry said, doing that. He shut his eyes again, but his mind was still jumping up and down at the fact that Lup was holding his hand. He didn't know why, she had held his hand many times before, especially when he was anxious. It was just- it was different now after he had actually confessed to her. Did she feel required to do this? He didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Barry asked, finally, finally looking at her. She was looking at him, too, carefully. That was her Thinking Face. Barry swallowed.

"No," she said. "I'm processing some things."

"Sorry," Barry started.

"No because of you," she assured him. "Well, I mean- it has to do with you, but in a good way. Taako told me that I was being stupid about... not telling you that I liked you. Because you liked me too? And I was being dumb?"

"You like me too?" Barry repeated. Lup let out a little breathless laugh, nodding.

"Yeah," she said, squeezing his hands.

"You're not fucking with me?" Barry asked, just to make sure. She smiled at him like the sun.

"Never with something like this, babe, I promise," Lup said. "I was... nervous. About telling you. Like I'm confident and badass and stuff-"

"Yeah," Barry agreed.

"But still got this little friend called abandonment issues, so, y'know- it's- it's hard to like... talk about feelings with people. Even if I know they probably won't, uh. Do anything bad, on purpose."

"I- I might screw up sometimes," Barry said honestly because it was true. "I'm trying my best to not fuck things up, I promise, but I... really like you, Lup."

"I really like you too, Barry," Lup said. "Can I- I don't know if I wanna, uhm. Y'know. Kiss you yet. But can we... try a date. Maybe?"

"If you want!" Barry said. "I- whenever's good with me, I just- I mean, preferably on a day when I remember to take my meds, but-"

"Yeah," Lup said. "Yeah, of course, babe, just- I'll text you the dets, later. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Barry said. "That's- that's great, yeah!"

"And can we... not tell anyone yet," Lup said, finally looking away from him. "I mean, like- I don't want to fuck things up and then have to tell everyone everything went badly. Not that I think it'll go badly."

"No, I- I get that," Barry said, nodding. He squeezed her hand. His heart was doing a little dance in his chest. "I really do, Lup, I understand. We can talk about like... conditions and stuff now, or-?"

"On the date," Lup said, "would be better, I think. I've still got math shit to figure out."

She looked over at her homework with disdain. Barry's brain kicked back into gear.

"Oh yeah," he said, looking down at the genetics worksheet he had. "I- this slipped my mind, my bad."

#lup #barry bluejeans #blupjeans #mine #asks #sgrumby #ise cube writing #ft barry and lup with literally every mental illness I have /j

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lady-himbo · 4 years ago

Text

Roommate Blues

Roommate!Ethan x F!Reader (platonic)

Reader isn’t doing great with COVID, college, and Christmas.

Word count: 1255

Warnings: cursing; hecka stress; mentions of coronavirus and travelling; panic/anxiety attacks; mentions of being nonverbal; mentions of ADHD; mentions of medication, forgetting to take medication, and medication effects

Notes: Despite this being the first written thing I’ve posted on this account, it’s purely self indulgent. It’s based almost entirely on my life situation right now, which is… dope. Also, the gif is mine. Please do not repost without credit.

“Goddamn it!” The sound of the space bar being slapped several times has Spencer lifting his head from his position on the living room couch next to her with a confused little tilt that flops his ears. Any other day, it would’ve been adorable, but she wasn’t having it. “What the motherfuck?!”

Spencer whines, pressing his nose into her wrist, as if telling her to take a deep breath. She almost accepts, but during her inhale, her browser refreshes just as her document loads to save, which crashes her computer.

Her scream of exasperation is so loud it carries into Ethan’s office. He’s blissfully unaware, his headphones snug over his ears as he chatters to himself, streaming a new game. Twitch chat, ever observant, picks it up before he does, and concerned messages start to flood in. He notices after a couple minutes, when chat has sufficiently worked itself up.

“You guys heard a sound? What was it?” He pushes his headphones off just as a muffled “FUUUCK!” comes through the walls.

“What the f- Uh, I’m not sure what that is.” Chat is freaking out, telling him to go check. “It might be my roommate; she’s having some… everything troubles right now. Hang on, guys, I’m gonna make sure everything’s okay.”

He switches to the ChairGameplays screen and actually sprints upstairs. Spencer is at the top of the stairs, his little feet tapping impatiently before he takes off, looking back to make sure Ethan is following him. Spencer leads him to the living room, where his roommate’s laptop is blue screening on the coffee table, a mug is laying on the floor in a puddle, several books and piles of papers are scattered across the room, and a quilted lump is curled up behind the couch. He closes her laptop, picks up the mug, and quickly piles the papers onto the couch, before carefully kneeling down next to the shaking lump.

He taps the floor a couple times to indicate he’s close to her, then gently pulls a little bit of the quilt up. She’s laying on her side with her knees pushed up into her chin, holding her phone close to her chest; he can hear soft music coming from the earbuds she has in.

When she opens a single red, puffy eye, he gives her a soft smile. “Hey bug, what’s the matter?” A moment goes by, and then she pulls herself up, wiping her wet cheeks and pulling out an earbud.

“Everything,” she mutters, and he gives her a sad, knowing smile. She’d visited her family a few weeks prior to keep the peace during the holidays, but given the state of the world, she’d been feeling guilty about it ever since. After she’d gotten back, quarantined, and taken a negative test, her first time actually going around the house without a mask was to take down Christmas decorations, which had put a damper on her already sour mood. Shortly after, she dove headfirst into college (even though the semester hadn’t started yet,) which meant working on a paper she hated, trying to iron out some wrinkles in her schedule through email, and preparing for a class she was TA for.

Between the guilt of travelling to appease her family, the loss of the holiday cheer, and the looming presence of a new semester, she’s so stressed she’s barely functioning. Her glassy look and trembling figure are a sign that function is... minimal. Ethan sighs, pulling the blanket up enough that he can slide in next to her. “Do you want advice, comfort, or both?” he asks softly.

“Both.” She’s almost whispering as she drops her head down onto his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. There’s the soft click of nails on the floor, and Spencer nudges his way under the blanket as well.

“What do you want advice about?” He’s done this enough that he knows how to be selective with his advice. He knows she doesn’t want him to solve her problems, but she knows he’ll help if she needs it. It’s a balance.

“College.” He’s glad she’s speaking; it’s much scarier when she’s nonverbal.

“Okay.” He strokes her hair for a moment while he deliberates his words. He wills any ADHD back for just a moment so he can help her. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to take a day off.” She grunts and squirms in protest, but he continues. “You’ve been working really, really hard, and I’m super proud of you, but you need to breathe. You’ve still got a couple weeks until anything starts, and you’re so ahead of schedule. It’s really scary to watch you beat yourself up and you don’t even notice, because you’re so strong but you forget you need breaks.” He gives her a minute to process. “You take your meds?”

She shakes her head ‘no’, and he tries to contain his disappointed sigh. “You forget or not want to?”

“Forgot.”

“That’s what your meds are for, goofus!” This makes her laugh, which makes him smile and Spencer’s tail wag softly. She’ll be okay. “Here’s the plan. You go take your meds, and you’re taking a break. It’ll just be for the rest of today, if you want. That’s the minimum. Today.” He can feel her nod hesitantly. “We can make some food and watch a movie, go for a drive, take a nap, you can come stream with me, or-”

She goes stiff. “Wait, were you streaming?” He hums in confirmation. “Oh, did you leave chat? I’m sorry, go back to streaming, I don’t wa-”

He shushes her and tightens his grip on her shoulders. “Chat told me to come check on you. Even if they hadn’t, I would’ve still done it. You’re my friend, bubs, and I gotta look out for you.”

She turns and tightly wraps her arms around him. “Thanks, Eef.” She pauses, before huffing out a small laugh. “You sap.”

He gasps, feigning hurt. “Names? How dare?! I’ll tell chat on you! Well, if you want. I don‘t want to make you uncomfy or anything.”

The glimmer returns to her eyes. “Only if I get to sit with Spencer and watch the aftermath.” She holds up a pinky.

He takes it, rolling his eyes in faux annoyance. As if he could ever be annoyed by a pinky promise. “Deal.”

After grabbing food (and medication) from the kitchen, they parade back down to Ethan’s office. She makes a cozy nest of blankets next to Spencer on the couch, who snuffles happily at the presence of his human housemate.

“I’m back!” Ethan sings excitedly to chat. “And we’re all okay! College was being stinky. … Why are you guys talking about toothpaste brands? Actually, I’ll leave that to you.” He waits a few seconds for replies to roll in. “Yes, yes, she’s fine now! Just a little overwhelmed. … ‘What happened?’ For those of you who just joined or joined while I was gone, my friend and roommate, friend-slash-roommate... froommate!” He giggles at the new word. “Froommate was having a bad day upstairs and I went to go check on her! She had the roommate blues… froommate blues! She okey now.” She gives a thumbs up from her spot on the couch, which Ethan confirms to chat.

Spencer licks her hand as she pats his soft fur, Ethan relays chat’s messages to her, and, from her spot on the couch, she feels a little less awful.

#ethan nestor #ethan nestor x reader #crankgameplays #platonic #platonic x reader #crankgameplays x reader #f!reader #winnie writes

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lunar-wandering · 4 years ago

Text

Medicine

so, earlier today, I got hit by the thought that, the reason why Wukong is so much... calmer in LMK compared to JTTW is because he’s taking adhd/anxiety meds now. and so, I decided to spend an hour or 2 of my time to write this.

...really this is just me projecting, and i have no other excuses.

Word Count: 1.1k

read on Ao3

---

MK was staying the night at Flower Fruit Mountain, per Wukong's insistence. They had both gotten a little bit distracted during training, and time had flown by far faster than either of them had thought it would. It was already dark outside when they realized what time it was. Not exactly feeling like flying MK back into town, and not really trusting that MK could use the staff to vault back in the dark, Wukong proceeded to call for a sleepover.

Which was how they ended up standing in Wukong's tiny bedroom, with him rummaging around in his drawer.

"I could've sworn I had some pyjamas around your size in here somewhere." Wukong muttered, tail swishing.

"It's fine Monkey King, I can just sleep in my clothes-" MK started to say, but was interrupted as Wukong "aha'd" in triumph, pulling out a set of golden coloured pyjama's with a peach design on them.

"Here you go kid." Wukong said, placing them in MK's hands. MK was surprised to find the fabric was....really soft. Genuinely, this might be the softest fabric he'd ever touched. Without any further protest, MK went into the bathroom to get changed. When he came back out, Wukong was in a matching pair of pyjama's except his were pink.

"Monkey King, I'm gonna be honest, I'm pretty sure these are the most comfortable pyjama's I've ever worn." MK said, "....You might not get this back."

"That's fine kid, you can keep it." Wukong said, waving his hand dismissively. "I can always ma-buy another set whenever I want."

MK paused, catching his mentor's near slip.

"....This wasn't just made by you blowing on a piece of your hair right?"

"Excuse you, I put actual work into making that, and I will not accept that kind of slander." Wukong said, "I don't always take the easy way out you know?"

"Mhm, sure."

".....So! How about we watch a movie!" Wukong said, purposefully changing the subject as he led MK into the living room. "I've got unlimited access to about....pretty much every film that ever existed, so we can watch whatever you want!"

"...Can we watch the Monkey King: Animated Series?" MK asked.

"Kid, who do you think I am? Of course we can watch Monkey King: the Animated Series!" Wukong said, picking up MK with his tail and setting him down on the couch as he grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table, turning on the television to show that he had already had the Monkey King: Animated Series queued up. Selecting episode one, he pressed play.

----

2 hours and multiple peach flavored snacks later, (seriously, there were a lot of peach flavored snacks. MK was going to have to start bringing his own, normal snacks at this rate, because while he like peaches, there is a limit to how much peach flavored food one can eat), and MK was fully ready to just fall asleep where he was sitting. He yawned, tired.

Wukong paused the show.

"Time for bed then, huh?" He asked. MK nodded, drowsily rubbing at his eye.

"...Don't you feel tired too, Monkey King?" He asked. Wukong shook his head.

"No, I don't exactly...get tired normally, I guess. I mainly sleep to pass the time and because it keeps the monkey's happy." He said, standing up, and walking over to the closet, pulling out some blankets and pillows. "If you stand up, the couch folds out into a bed. You know how to set that kinda thing up right?"

MK hummed an affirmative, standing up and pulling the cushions off the couch in order to start the process of turning it into a bed. As he did so, he happened to notice that one of the monkeys was digging through his bag, looking for something. MK momentarily contemplated stopping it and making sure the monkey didn't steal anything, but then thought better of it, deciding that that was something that could wait till morning.

MK set up the bed-couch, running his hands down the sheets that were on it once he pulled it out, checking the bed for anything as a habit. He found a spider in his bed once, and now he couldn't go to sleep unless he'd checked the bed for spiders and bugs beforehand.

He was about to just crawl on the bed and curl up to wait for Wukong to throw the blankets over top of him, when he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder.

He stumbled a little under the sudden weight, but quickly recovered. He turned his head to the side to see the same monkey that had been digging through his bag, holding a small pill bottle.

Oh right, he'd almost forgotten to take his medicine.

Politely, he thanked the monkey, gently taking the pill bottle out of its hands and twisting it open. The monkey, seemingly satisfied in that he was taking his medicine, jumped off his shoulder and ran away. MK watched the monkey as it ran and jumped onto Wukong-

Who was covered with other monkeys. Somehow, while setting up the bed, MK had failed to notice as the other monkeys had basically swarmed Wukong. He was standing still, still holding the blankets and pillows, as the monkeys tugged on his ears and fur.

"Okay, okay, I get it, fine." Wukong said, "Geez."

"Uh," MK said, frozen, pill halfway to his mouth. "What the fuck is happening?"

"Language." Wukong quietly admonished, before sighing. "This happens every night. They're reminding me to take my meds. Speaking of which, hurry up and swallow that pill before you drop it."

MK hurriedly followed through on that, taking his pill with bottle of peach juice that he had left on the coffee table earlier. While he did this, another monkey came in, holding a pill bottle that was rather similar to MK's, and forcibly putting it into Wukong's hands.

"So." MK said, "You uh. You take medicine too?"

"Yeah.....I hate taking it though. I can swallow a pill but that doesn't mean I like doing it." Wukong said, untwisting the cap of the bottle, and dry swallowing the pill. "Tried using the liquid version once, but it tasted gods-awful, so I don't plan on doing that again."

Seemingly satisfied that Wukong had taken his medicine, the monkeys finally got off of him, spreading to curl up in different places around the room. MK, figuring that the monkeys had the right idea, climbed onto his bed for the night, laying down on his side. Wukong dropped a few blankets on top of him, and then proceeded to flop onto the bed himself, curling up beside him.

-----

The next morning, when MK was late to work, his only excuse was that Wukong really didn't like alarm clocks.

(Wukong promised to pay to get MK a new phone, but the damage had been done.)

#Monkie Kid #Wukong #MK #fanfic #my writing

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hyperfixationtimego · 4 years ago

Note

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

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