#i did not have friends in high school
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When I was a teenager I felt like an outsider, isolated even surrounded by people. My chemistry teacher once described it as "being on the other side of a fishbowl" and I have never felt so seen and called out at the same time.
#i dont feel it often anymore thankfully because it SUCKED SO MUCH!#i did not have friends in high school#i had some friends outside of school at that time but not many and not that i got to see often#my best friend was a 25 hour drive away#and my other friends were a minimum of five years older than me. many decades older.#and every time i made a friend at school they'd graduate because i never got along with people in my year#they tolerated me. i used to sit at the edge of the nerd friend group and pretend i was one of them#I'm still not convinced they even liked me#anyways high school was ass and thank god i never have to go back#i have friends now! more friends than i ever could have imagined having!#god bless the fucking internet for that#hylian rambles
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I am not immune to funny crackships.
+ Bonus
#*falsettos your chasitys*#this started out as a âaha yea they fucked once in highschoolâ joke for me how did I end up here#it went from âTeddy: yea man it doesnât count if your socks are onâ to queer teen situationship in the 90s angst with religious overtones#I would like to blame everyone who has made holybastard fanart/fanfics for converting me#I donât see them as a long term relationship but more on an active affair between two old high school âfriendsâ#I drew these while listening to The Last Dinner Party ans now I canât stop thinking about holy bastard to some of their songs#âpicture me in bed- under your crucifix- under your long black hair- Iâll see you on Sundayâ are actual lyrics how can I not-#I just impor you to listen (there only 5 songs as of now) and do the same- ESPECIALLY SINNER ITS SUCH A MARK CODED SONG#who would have figured the queer ex religious person would be a sucker for queer relationships with religious themes#grace chasity#peter spankoffski#pete spankoffski#mark chasity#holy bastard#starkid#team starkid#starkid productions#starkid fanart#starkid animation#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#nerdy prudes must die fanart#npmd fanart#npmd starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield universe#fanart#my art#my animation
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spooky dog
#they called him ol âwhy do u have human fucking eyesâ back in high school#this is my friends dog and he rlly does look like that i did not stylize his eyes#anyways tryin to build a style of digital pet portraits that doesnt 1) kill my hand Or 2) kill my soul#so far this feels like enough stylization to avoid killing my soul but i think my hand is always killed a little no matter what#better than the other brush i was using tho the angle and pressure on the old one hurt it bad#my art#id in alt text#dogs#digital art#pet portrait#artists on tumblr#<- idek what that tag does or means i just see everyone using it so im copying
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OH!!!! YOU TUMBLR MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!! GUESS!!! WHAT I SAW!!!! AT SCHOOL TODAY!!!!!
FUCKING HATSUNE MIKU BACKPACKâźď¸âźď¸âźď¸
#roryâs thoughts#SHES A MADE HER FINAL FORM#A BACKPACK#I was legit so excited when I saw this my friend was so confused and I had to explain the trend of everyone making miku from different#places all over the world. he thought it was so funny and I almost had to ask him to get the picture for me cuz I was right behind a bunch#of people and DESPERATELY needed a picture of that backpack to post to tumblr dot com. my arms were all the way up in the air in hopes#of getting a decent picture and I fucking DID#anyway if you have a tall friend and you are definitely Not tall I definitely recommend asking them to take pictures of things for you#hatsune miku#vocaloid hatsune#international miku#international hatsune miku#miku worldwide#miku#vocaloid miku#miku fanart#mikuhatsune#backpack#backpacks#high school#school
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i always wonder what itâll take for how fat i am to get acknowledged. the only time ive ever had it publicly or privately called out (besides in kink situations) was in 9th grade. i didnât go to anime club because im not into anime (im still not) even though i told this dude i would be there lol.
he was pissed at me the next day and just mouthed the words âyouâre fatâ in the hallway like that would mean anything⌠iâve never rlly been insulted for my weight or had it poked fun at. is it weird i want to get big enough for that to happen??
#also fuck that guy fr#heâs always been a bit of a dick#and i donât think heâs even done anything since graduating?? idk i donât have him on insta#perhaps. stalking time#in high school i assume it was bc i had a different reputation#my parents party w ppl i went i HS with now (small towns are fucking weird)#and this one guy was like âyeah i wouldâve asked her to do my homework but she seemed snobbyâ#i never did ANYONES homework#i didnât even do my own#i literally copied off my best friend if i couldnât do it in <20 minutes#this girl from HS that went to the same university i did asked me to write an essay for her#freshman year. lmfao#anyways. i like to ramble :3#talk
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Chaggie human AU except Charlie is a demon Vaggie summoned.
Yknoww??? Stars??? Cuz morningSTAR??? Okay I'll stop *sob*
Here's most of the body design. This is my actual first drawing of them, I made the vest for Charlie a darker yellow but for now feast your eyes upon the minion lookin ahh đ (The cape was supposed to be yellow and the vest/suit thing was blue but it clashed with Charlie's hair and shoulder.... things.)
Dw abt the shoes, Charlie is shown later and Vaggies is just black Jordan's cuz she cool like that ig đ
Angel Dust is the crackhead who sells drugs. No money? Get ready for a beat down brutha he about to đĽ serve đĽ a punch. (I'm gonna def change his clothes eventually to something else but I like everything else ngl I kinda ate đ(no i didnt))
Human form Charlie! She looks like Shldon Coper if he went through a furry phase...... that was a HORRIBME comparison what am I on bro đ..... uhhh just think of any teenage furry who isn't edgy, that's Charlie.
Hey wait a second, Chaggie angst? With ooc Vaggie/Valerie?? Unreal đ¤Ż
PLEASE ASK ABOUT THIS AU IM SO DESPERATE. ANY CHAFACYER DESIGNS OF ANY CHARACTER YOU WANNA SEE (IF THEY ARE IN THE SHOW OFC), ANY FRIENDSHIPS, SHIPS(search for my shipping rank to see what I like or uncomfy with), DYNAMICS, WORLD BUILDING. I HAVE SO MUCH IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW AND IM GOING TO STOP BEFORE I RAMBLE TOO KONG... uhhhhhh, MY ASKS/REQUESTS ARE OPEN. PLEASE. IM IN LOVE WITH MY AU AND NEED PPL TO BE INVESTED AS MUCH AS I AM (ILL STILL MAKE ART BUT PPL NEED TO BE INTERESTED OR ITS LIKE TALKING TO A BRICK WALL)đđ
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel lute#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel art#art#fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art#hazbin#hazbin vaggie#hazbin charlie#hazbin angel dust#hazbin lute#hazbin adam#chaggie#rainbowmoth#varlie#i heard people on tiktok saying the new ship name is fallenstar or somehtn like that are we gonna have to poll like we did for chagg*ly đ#first time drawing adam and lute sorry if they look wonky đđ#hazbin hotel au#hazbin au#hazbin hotel human#their town is like the vers of heaven its called Haven. sooo...#it would be called haven high school probably#i want to ramble guys. let me ramble. i have no friends that are jnterested in myy shit i only got my girlfriend đ#will probably change lutes name but keeping it doesnt change much. its not as noticeable that its a short ver of lieutenant.#UNLIKE VAGGIE WHO IS LITERLLY JUST NAMRD VAGIAN??? THAT IS N O T OKAY. I H A D TO CHANGE IT. HER DADS WOULD NEVER NAME HER AFTER TAHT
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watching ren's scootball episode and joel being the aggressive star scootball player? there is so much room for aus and rival scootball team stuff with etho...
#please if anyone finds any fics share#i'd love to read#something about being the star football player#high school au#or even just in world#they're playing scootball against each other#and can't help but be etho and joel about it#i also just love him and gem being mean to each other#grian and gem have a sibling vibe#but joel and gem have a siblings that are mean to each other vibe#also i really love scootball?#its kind of..#ren mentioned wanting it to be like how you can play football with anything#tshirt#trashcan#shoe#and its shown me like the appeal of playing games in the street with your friends (not that i had enough friends as a kid lol)#and its done to football for me what haikyuu did for volleyball#it sorta showed me the magic and romance of sport#its just a baby game right now but i cant wait to see where it all goes#it also really highlights how season 10 is a very social season#rendog#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#scootball#ethoslab#rivals to lovers#dfgyhujfgkm#pixls things
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Can you tell us your the reasons for why you like Papyrus? (Iâm sure youâve did this before xd, but I always enjoyed rambles about Papyrus. Hope youâre well!)
oh it is 100% his whole loneliness thing. growing up i was a chronic friend group hopper all the way from kindergarten to 8th grade and then by high school that didn't work anymore so i just kinda didn't have any genuine friends for basically that entire 4 years. so hyperfixating so hard on a character who's basically completely centered around that struggle helped me feel a bit less hopeless about it. the funny thing is i think pre-undertale papyrus actually had more friends than i did back then but like its the little things
that's why this fic that i'm gonna plug again hit me so hard tbh. shit sucks when you're trying so so hard to be friendly and engage in other people and then you get to a point where you have to realize they're not at all interested in returning the favor, even if they're not overtly rude about it or anything, they just don't care to get to know you any deeper than surface level convenience and it gets real hard to not let yourself get angsty about it lmao
i do think that while sometimes i wish i hadn't been given such free internet access as a kid i'm still really lucky that i was able to be exposed to undertale when i was. it's such a unapologetically hopeful game that i'm sure it absolutely impacted the way that i think about things today in terms of optimism and the ability to turn bad situations around, and papyrus plays a huuuge part of that entire message. if it weren't for him, i'm honestly not sure if i would've had the drive to keep trying to connect with other people even when it didn't work for so long.
so tl;dr thank you funny little skeleton man for constantly reminding me that making friends is still possible even when your demeanor is frankly weird as fuck. sometimes you just gotta keep truckin until you find your people even if it takes a while
#trousled rambles#emphasis on rambles#ew this is sappy as hell who put this on my blog dont read this ewwwwwwwww#btw now that i'm in college i finally ended up with a group of friends who actually make me feel like they want me around regularly#so it really is possible i promise :> yeah i woulda liked if it happened sooner but i've never had this many friends before in my lifeee#that being said do u know how annoying it was to hear those fuckers thought i was cool in high school but were too scared to talk to me#i was wearing the same 3 black hoodies every day and used to have a keychain with enough charms that could probably be a weapon if needed#i was a LOSER just TALK TO MEEEE#i'm not gonna act like i was nearly as outgoing as papyrus bc i kept to myself a lot especially in my senior year#and that's because papyrus did not cure 12 years of social anxiety/isolation. but at least he helped me be less emo about it yknow#for a while i actually thought The Loneliness didnt effect me as bad as it did him but tbh i was just repressing that shit lmao#man when the 10 year undertale anniversary comes around we're all gonna be destroyed huh. it will definitely kill me#anyway thank u toby fox for showing 11y/o me that things could work out if i just didnt give up. also make papyus the knight pls ok byeee#oh edit one more thing i havent quiiite psychoanalyzed myself or her enough for me to be certain of this yet but#im pretty sure this is also why i am very drawn to susie in deltarune. lonely skeleton but a blunt teenage girl instead like okayyyy
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My cat always scratches at doors at random times in the night. Usually around 2, 4, and 6am. That's because this little bitch doesn't have a regular sleeping pattern and takes power naps, and gets a little concerned when she wakes up at night and everyone else is just. Not there??? We're not walking around, we're not talking, we're in our rooms alone and we're sleeping??? My cat cannot comprehend it.
And you know who else takes power naps instead of sleeping at night? You know who I snatched that headcanon from? (Pretty sure it was Dark)
Dust.
Dust literally saves everyone from Killer's cats scratching at doors and waking them up in the middle of the night. His sleeping patterns coincidentally matched up with the cats. So when a cat is wandering around, it would usually just scratch into Dust's room and calm down. Bonus if Dust and Killer actually share a room, and when they go to sleep all the cats are with Killer and when they wake up they're all with Dust. (Upsets Killer to no end.)
Okay, from here cw/tw? for schizophrenia and a semi-detailed hallucination episode
With my headcanon that Dust has schizophrenia, this would be an absolute nightmare for him.
A symptom of schizophrenia is hearing voices and sounds that aren't there. His main hallucination would be Phantom, and I've read that the voices schizophrenic people hear are usually far away. Like they are literally in the walls/srs.
Now imagine Dust hallucinating Phantom, while also hearing cats scratch at his door. Do you know how badly it would fuck with him. He would hear a voice from the wall, and assume that someone is trying to crawl into his room and scratch open the walls. So he just sits on his bed and hyperventilates. Bonus if the episode would involve physical hallucinations, with hands roaming on his face, head, shoulders, neck. And then with the sound of the scratching his brain would automatically make him feel nails scraping at his arms and legs.
#ceask rambles#utmv#undertale#undertale au#killer sans#dust sans#phantom papyrus#schizophrenia#cats#holy fuck I went dark for a moment#it was supposed to be a fluffy headcanon that Dust just attracts the cats with his sleeping schedule#how did this#what#okay I guess#I literally know about schizophrenia because me and my friends made a high school au#and I added Dust having schizophrenia#because its generally a big misconception/headcanon in the russian utmv community#i got it from there#and I made a ton of research to make Dust's teenage schizophrenia as accurate as possible#I even have a document with things I pasted from a pretty much trusted website#there was this interview with a schizophrenic woman and she was talking about an episode of hers she had#she thought her arm was gone#was pretty interesting to read abour#shes also the one who mentioned voices being in the walls rather than in your head or next to you#shit is crazy#sighs I should rewrite Cross from my hsau hes low key shit and just pining over Killer#anyway
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If you saw this on the Dropout Discord, no you didn't. But I have to talk about the family dynamics and relationships in this last episode of Fantasy High because I can't stop thinking about it.
Okay but seriously, the conversation with Sklonda and the one with Aelwyn have me feeling all sorts of ways thanks to my weird mix of developmental trauma. They hit SO HARD
I can't stop thinking about how Aelwyn felt like she had to move out not because anyone did anything wrong at Mordrid Manor, but because they were too kind and nice to her. Like there's this incredibly confusing and impossible to articulate combination of despair, confusion, disgust, jealousy, and shame that comes from being in a place that loves and accepts you for you after being in a place that didn't for so long. And how even if you know logically that the place is safe and you are loved, your body just doesn't believe it and you're constantly on edge and overwhelmed. It's painfully relatable as someone with that experience. I've never seen someone else relate or put those feelings into words before but I feel so seen.
Sklonda just caring so deeply about her son and being so worried and also so frustrated with her son's friends is just heartbreaking. And her not liking that they call him Ball is just icing on the cake. Because in reality, it's not a very kind nickname, seeing as it comes from Riz being bullied. And even though Riz has reclaimed it, the scars are still healing for Sklonda and that's deep too. That hit real hard too!
OH and don't even get me started on Fabian being neglected. His mom called FIG AND NOT HIM?! OH MY GOD IT HURTS! The role play this season hurts SO GOOD!!
#all I'm saying is thank god I have therapy tomorrow#very grateful to my friends and also to be in a happier and healthier place now than I ever was with my family in my life#but it's still so hard to truly accept love and I'm so grateful for Adaine and Aelwyn for having a story that I can see myself in#Even though my mom and I are no contact I still think about her sometimes#Like she sucks but she did advocate hard for me when I was being bullied in school and I'm grateful for that#dimension 20#d20#d20 fantasy high#Fantasy high junior year#fhjy#d20 fhjy#dimension 20 fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fhjy ep 10#fhjy 10#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#riz gukgak#aelwyn abernant#sklonda gukgak#brian murphy#lou wilson#siobhan thompson
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i am not autistic but i do believe in their beliefs
#^ guy who has a raadsr score of 16 but thought eye contact was a myth well into high school#something they dont tell you about autism is that if you happen to be raised by and around mostly autistic people#some wires will get crossed regardless of what is actually going on in your brain.#my family and friends r like 90% autistic people there was no getting away clean. i was raised thinking this was just how everyone is#like yeah your family dinner conversations dont consist of 4 people infodumping about completely seperate topics at each other for an hour?#this isnt me being in denial btw i know for certain i am not autistic. i just think its funny that i have like. secondhand autism#and also because i am not beating the autism allegations in the comments of that last post. its not me guys its my father i swear#he did this to me#personal
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I loooove the jp fandom's headcanon that geeta and larry are childhood friends who met during their time in the academy and, sometime in the future, geeta personally recruited larry to work for the paldean pokemon league, as she must be one of the first people who knew of his prowess in pokemon battling! Like yeah, the whole geeta being a "strict boss who is frustrated by larry's stubborn insistence to be an average worker that she has to assign him different workloads just to broaden his horizon" idea is intriguing, but stepping it up a notch by making geeta be the "best friend a.k.a the only one who has seen larry at his very best and his very worst, and knows for a fact that he could excel at anything he put his mind into if he steps out of his comfort zone, so she doesn't particularly drag him out of said zone, but pushes him out of it each time she can because she can't bear to see her best friend be unaware of the good chances and positive things that awaits him out there, not if she has a (small) say in it" is also downright hilarious đđ¤
#it's happened to me before which is why i think this headcanon isn't very far-fetched! it's actually so big-brained even lmaooo đđđ#like. i happened to befriend a stupidly genius in high school and she's why i got into a reputable uni in the first place. she dragged me t#study even when i was never in the mood and look at what it did to my high school grades! look at the strict habits that got me through uni#it's also kinda like when you're isolating yourself after a bad breakup and your friend has to physically drag you out to eat. maybe to get#piss drunk as well. all because they know that it's better to have company than to rot alone in your room with your thoughts... you get me?#that's geeta and larry in my eyes. larry's whole line about sticking to flat well-trodden path isn't about making him a famous trainer to#inspire paldea (geeta's whole goal). it's just to show larry that there are other good things too if he takes a peek outside!#and at the end of the day geeta meant well with that advice. that all she wants is for larry to see more of the world than what he's used t#which... idk. i think it's just more heartwarming to think of that advice coming from a friend! even if said friend is also your strict bos#also makes larry's quiet fuming even funnier LMAOOOO đđđ sometimes you have to suck it up and endure your besties' whims#but this is not a silly and whimsical whim. this is straight-up corporate whim. larry's not surprised he ended up patrolling area zero đ¤Ł#if you've read this far and wanna see jp fanart of them on pixiv i can refer them to you privately! all of them are lovely and heartwarming#champion geeta#gym leader larry#elite four larry#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon scarvio#scarvio#paldea
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i dpnt want to go hoooome
#i miss drawing but thats it#talkys#at rainforest cafe we had a really nice funny upbeat server#who ended up chatting with us and saying he is 26â was FINALLY able to leave home from his home state (not Texas)#to be here (Texas) and he gets to be out of the closet and stuff and its like I feel this could be me too like I Get It. ive been having Fun#being away and chatting with strangers and such#i want to be away...my voice being hurt today had me dreaming about being on T again#bjut also i rly dont know its hard to see a future myself even now that my friend is continuing to help me find it ykwim#like as a kid i never looked forward to any of it. puberty high school driving college career#i thought id get over driving once i Got There but ive been driving and all i can think of is how i wasnt born to drive at all. i hate it#idk how i cld survive away from home if the driving is so difficult. the driving we did today was so stressful. i cld not have maneuvered#it at all. idk. i wanna live away but idk that its feasible and even when it seems more feasible (employment out of town) it doesnt#(the driving. the living. the sustaining self and making sure he eats the maximum 1 meal per day. the Fear. ykwim)
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every so often i remember that my webkinz account is older than homestuck.
like. technically this means nothing. plenty of things are older than homestuck. but seeing how close the date is just tickles me in a way i cant explain
#i emailed ganz support my like senior year of high school like 'mr webkinz i know the email username password and i have an old code card#plz give me my account' and they fucken did it#i shared the acct with a childhood friend so its really something to see the outfits we put together as 10 y/os#chitter#homestuck#webkinz
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Me to Google: I think my new hyperfixation isn't a new tv show or book, but A Literal Person
My phone: *notification pops up* Get Help
#he's way too abusable too#we're both kind of young#i remember one of my other friends we got too close too fast#we did the typical high school take turns being the therapist thing#i leaned on him way too much & i felt kind of abused by him sometimes but looking back i was also kind of abusive#we were just so toxic by the end#i dont want that to happen here.#last time i hyperfixated on a person i was way too open & way too clingy#i need to Not with this guy#besides he's straight#& doesnt live in canada#he's not MĂŠtis (not that that's non-negotiable; i ain't racist)#I'm too pagan folk catholic & non denominational for him#he's cis (that's also negotiable)#he's an absolute hopeless romantic (I don't want to be another failure for him)#I'm just not right for him#& i want to be just his friend#& he just wants to be mine#BUT I CAN'T HELP IT HE'S LIKE MY OTHER HYPERFIXATIONS#THEY TAKE UP ALL MY THOUGHTS#(i think i HAVE hyperfixated on people more than the once now that I think abt it; & online chats are nothing)
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My mom is always like "you were suchhh an easy kid compared to your brothers, you didn't even cry the first night home from the hospital it was so weird. I never had to worry about you since I knew you could handle yourself" meanwhile I as a kid always felt like
#its also funny bc then she acts surprised when i dont know how to do things#'i learned how to drive at 14' okay well you didnt teach me#'my friends taught me' okay well i didnt have friends because my social skills fucking sucked.#at this point i know its on me that i let my anxiety control my life im not even blaming that on her#sibce i am an adult capable of making changes#since*#but when she says stuff like this it makes my eye twitch#i try not to resent my brothers (esp my younger brother) for this#but kinda sucks they got more attentiveness to their developmental issues than i did#two younger brothers on the spectrum and older brother with speech issues and dyslexia#i started anti anxiety meds in senior year of high school but thats it. and wasnt bc of her noticing my anxiety disorder#personal#also i know people usually reply these things trying to be encouraging but i dont really like when others talk badly about my mom#so dont do that please
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