#i did not even get all the good lines tbh
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unknownati · 22 hours ago
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iii. her new friend.
a/n: im alive i wrote this months ago and i HAAATE it but i wanna post something so maybe ill get back into writing🤷🏾‍♀️ i lowkey cringe reading it 😭 may delete later!
warnings/tags: loosely (very loosely) inspired by the beginning of green eyes by erykah badu, jealousy, no reader description, communication, not good communication but it's still there, disagreement/argument(kinda), ends fluffy (and a LIIIIITTLE SUGGESTIVE A LITTLE), reader stands on big bidness until the end, lowercase intended, BARELY PROOFREAD AS ALWAYS 🔥🔥, self indulgent tbh, also suck at endings just shhh 😊
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you hated her.
well, not her. you hated how abby acted around her.
she was new; just recently started to stay at the wlf stadium.
and she was so pretty, you didn't know about 'prettier than you', but she was really pretty. her skin was glassy, her eyes lashes were so naturally long, her hair looked so nice in any style, everything.
it's not that you didn't have what she did or hated her just for existing. you were sure she was super sweet, talented, all of it. in fact, when you first met her you thought she was fantastic. but something about her being paired with abby made your eye twitch.
but abby seemed so much more...lively around her.
at first, you wondered if it was just you. maybe you were overreacting? you tried to brush it off until you heard somebody passing by call them a cute couple. abby didn't say anything either, just laughed.
you did try to bring it up too. of course not your exact thought, you tried to be nice about it since you assumed she didn't realize what she'd been doing.
"abby, i feel like you've been hanging out with your friend a lot more than you've been with me. not that you can't be with your friend, but y'know...'m here too."
and she chuckled, kissed your cheek, and just whispered a cute little "okay, 'm sorry," in your ear.
after that, she kept up with you for about a week. and then she went right back to her new little friend.
no biggie, at this point you were fed up. you tried a couple times to bring it up again, each time getting more honest and honest just to be met with a similar response.
you didn't care anymore. if she wants to hang out with her, so be it.
"'morning," she leaned over the couch and kissed your cheek, admiring your pretty face. "me and jade are gonna go play with the dogs."
nothing new, but every time you heard her name you felt you were going to explode. "mhm,"
you felt abby still lingering over your shoulder, waiting for another response. usually you'd tell her to 'have fun', 'be safe' if it was patrol duty.
"..you okay?" she leaned further down to be within your line of vision, her hands gripping the back of the couch. when you just nodded she paused, wondering if she should even say anything. she was so confused, why were you upset?
she walked around the side to sit next to you, too close. the contact made you huff, scoot away. she scoffed in disbelief. "what's wrong?"
you forced a smile onto your face and turned to face her, shaking your head. "nothing? go ahead, be with your friend," you waved your hand, turning back to the window. abby's eyebrows twitched. you looked back, eyeing her up and down. "..what?"
"why'd you word it like that?" she asked, her eyes darting to the side and then back onto your face.
"like what? what'd you want me to say?"
"i don't know...it's just--i just feel like you're mad at me." she did that dumb thing with her eyes, slightly tilting her head and looking at you like a sad dog. you knew it was never on purpose, and somehow that made it worse. she had that nervous smile on her face too.
"wonder why? 't's not like i haven't tried bringing it up for the past few weeks."
"what?" her face contorted into one of confusion.
"what?" you raised your brows.
"can you just talk to me?"
"clearly i've tried."
"then talk to me again...please."
you took a deep breath, feeling like a broken record.
"it doesn't even matter at this point. i told you, time after time, i feel like you're with jade more than you're with me. it literally didn't feel like you wanted me, i didn't feel like i was good enough for you. it's like at this point, if you want her, just have her. it's not like you two aren't already practically dating. you didn't listen, but it's fine, i don't care anymore, i'm over it, literally just go."
abby felt like she just got hit with a brick.
"do you think i want her? like, want to date her?" abby watched you groan, stand up and stretch your back, completely ready to just walk away from the conversation. you weren't about to be accused of being jealous on this fine thursday morning. "☆, seriously. is that what you think? i wouldn't replace you for anything, i'm sorry, i didn't--"
"ooooh my god. just go, dude. it's fine."
"it's not fine, though. and did you just call me dude?"
you huffed, about to blow up at her when you felt her grab the hem of your pants to pull you back towards her. "i'm sorry, okay? i mean it. i love you, not her, i didn't realize how much it was upsetting you. i'll stop."
your throat burned, brows furrowed. you almost stopped her when she pulled you into her lap, almost. the warmth of her arms wrapped around you was what made you stop. "i told you multiple times. why didn't you listen?"
"i don't know. i thought i was hanging out with her less."
before you could even start, you felt her littering your face and neck with kisses, her arms squeezing you tighter. it was so annoying to not be able to stay mad at her no matter how hard you tried, and you rolled your eyes. you reached up and pulled her in for a kiss, a proper one, one that you deserved.
"let me make it up to you, please?" she asked, one of her hands dropping to reach up your shirt and gently rub circles into your side.
"what about jade?"
"she can wait."
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batsplat · 2 days ago
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greetings professor batsplat,
i recently heard somewhere about valentino having kicked someone else off the bike before the whole. sepang rosquez situation.
and i was wondering if you had any info on that / could shed light on the context? how it happened, what motivated him to do it perhaps etc.
thanks a lot <33
yeah I know why this gets brought up quite regularly, but tbh there's not much of a story behind it. valentino kicked someone, did not kick said someone 'off' the bike, didn't have complex motivations beyond venting some frustration. just the habitual problem of getting pissy about someone coasting on the racing line (x):
At the end of the 250 class qualifying, Italian Valentino Rossi, annoyed by a move by Yasu Hatakeyama, decided to practice kickboxing. Rossi "pressed" the Japanese rider against the edge of the track with his Aprilia and, bike to bike, threw a kick at the Japanese rider's thigh. The Italian, who had already hit his colleague's helmet at the Dutch GP, did not show the slightest remorse: "Every time I meet Hatakeyama, he closes me down. Today I was on the last lap and I could lower my time, and when I was going to pass him, he crossed the track and slowed down. I had to brake suddenly and I was very nervous. But I think that the next time I am about to pass him, he will not close me down." There were no penalties for Rossi, although both he and the Japanese rider received a verbal warning.
this was at argentina 1998 - here's the kick itself, courtesy of teenage valentino:
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here's a HD clip of the kick as well as valentino's gesturing afterwards:
it's basically the exact same thing as casey kicking checa in 2007 or punching de puniet in 2011 (see here) for exactly the same reasons. or for a more recent example, take aleix slapping franky last year. riders are hotheads, they REALLY hate someone getting in their way when they're trying to do a lap, sometimes they lash out. this obviously does not mean it's a good idea and really should warrant some kind of penalty. neither valentino nor casey got penalties, but aleix got a six place grid drop. which, good! it's irresponsible and stupid, even if it's also admittedly kinda funny. still, it'd be pushing it to suggest there's much similarity between that and sepang 2015. although his description of the incident is fun (from oxley's vr files):
I got into a bit of trouble on Saturday for kicking the Japanese rider Yasu Hatakeyama at the end of the final qualifying session. I like to kick arse! I've had a lot of trouble with him all season - you go to pass him in practice and he shuts the door on you, even though he's going slow. I've spoken to him about it a few times and he always says "Sorry, sorry, sorry!" then goes and does it again at another race. It's very dangerous. On Saturday he took a short cut round the back of the circuit, and was going through this corner at about 20kph when I arrived on a very fast lap. It was really frightening, so I paid him back by kicking him as we returned to the pits.
how very casey of him
if you ARE looking for something a bit more relevant in terms of valentino using his body in the heat of battle, an even younger version of valentino might be able to help. this is all the way back in his rookie 1996 season - where he was known for his wild riding, especially in the early races that year, and on occasion did actually elbow AND knee his competitors in his determination to beat them. feral thing. in general, to my eyes valentino seems like he's quite good at using spatial awareness in w2w combat, of using the physical dimensions of his body to fight other riders... take for instance the finely judged knee retraction pass at catalunya 2009, how he immediately sticks his knee out again in front of jorge's line once he's past, that sort of thing
the most obvious example has to be the doctor's dangle - motogp urban legend ofc holds that it started in jerez 2005, where valentino wasn't actually using his leg to block sete, but since then? in popularising the habit of motogp riders of dangling their legs into corners, valentino also gave himself another nifty way of defending against opponents. sometimes it does look like he's using the dangled leg to quite literally block his rivals from passing... perhaps the most blatant examples of that come in motegi 2010, where he's willing to do whatever it takes to beat jorge. he does admittedly have plausible deniability in this race - the possibility that he was dangling his leg more excessively in order to help mitigate the shoulder injury. still, it's pretty comical at times
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"When he does go through - if he does go through that corner, he's going to have to take Rossi's leg off!" "He is! Drag him along, I think."
I mean. come on. what is this. you cannot tell me this is ergonomically efficient. valentino did do this to some extent when he was behind jorge too, so I don't think the shoulder explanation is complete bullshit - but it does also feel like a bit of an opportunistic method of making his bike as broad as possible. jorge repeatedly almost rides into valentino's leg, including when he's finally had enough and makes the overtake that sets off the late battle between them. so yeah, valentino's definitely not a stranger in using his physicality to his advantage in conducting his wheel to wheel battles. one of the things that makes him so fun to watch
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rey-jake-therapist · 2 days ago
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Very interesting conversation...
You know what, it never ocurred to me that Gil-Galad looked suspiscious... I thought it was his normal face after a long day, and he often looks constipated so it didn't occur me that there could be something else... Okay also, I admit I despise this scene with all its forced fluff that smells like cheap patchouli, so I watched it only twice lol
But watching it now, it's true that Gil-Galad looks weird here... They're in a protected space, Galadriel is fine and has acted heroically, everybody's relaxed, I mean... Why the frowning face ? If I'm being objective, I say that he could look serious and worried because Sauron's got an army now, and as he explains, he could choose to attack Lindon. When Arondir asks Galadriel what they should do, Gil-Galad gently helps Galadriel to get up, and he still has that frown when he listens to her. But then, it seems to me that he looks at everybody like that, so I don't know if there's anything more to it, tbh. That said, he could have good reasons to fear that something's wrong with her : she has been stabbed by this thing ! And even if Nenya healed her, Gil-Galad would probably know that it's not a meaningless wound.
Before I develop my thoughts on the rest of this post, I need to specify something : when I said that Sauron wanted to punish Galadriel for previously rejecting and humiliating him (that kick in the face...), I didn't mean that punishment was the only purpose of the stabbing. I don't think that Sauron chose to fight carrying Morgoth's crown for kicks and giggles, or because he believed he'd need two weapons to beat Galadriel : he very clearly underestimated her, so stabbing Galadriel with this thing was his design since the beginning of the figh, imho. I'd say he knew that it would bind her to him, because he's the one who started talking mentally to her, and he didn't look surprised that he could do it.
What I take as a form of domination and of punishment, however, is the way he repeatedly turned the crown into the wound. To me it is very obvious, from he act itself and from his face when he was doing it, that he wanted Galadriel to feel powerless, and to suffer.
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It was to me a very literal interpretation of the line "turn the knife into the wound" : "look at what you've done ! See how you're powerless against me now, while you could have had so much power if you had taken my offer, just like I know you wanted.
There's also, I think to hurt her as much as she hurt him; because Galadriel DID hurt him, when she rejeted him twice.
It also echoes what he told Celebrimbor earlier : that when Morgoth tortured him, pain became a reward. He probably believes that her pain is a reward to her as well. He wants to play a battle of will with her.
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Another reward would have probably been her healing, once Galadriel would have given him Nenya. If it's admitted that his intention wasn't to make her a slave, I don't think it's a reach to assume he would have healed her body. Someone told me once that it was "romanticizing Sauron too much" to say that he would have healed her, but I don't think so, because he would have healed her as a reward, and it would have become something he could have psychologically used on her, later : "remember I healed you while I could have made it worse to you". Healing her would have been just another demonstration of the power he would have over her.
I remember someone noticed that Sauron also wanted her to look at him in the eyes while twisting the Crown into the wound. And for me it's one of the things that makes this scene not a parallel, but a mirror to the 1x08 proposal, during which he begged Galadriel to give him attention :
"Galadriel, come back to me ! Look at me !! Galadriel, look at me. You know who I am. I am your friend."
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It was basically Sauron's version of "I know I screwed up babe and you're mad at me now, but don't leave me please we can't make things right, just listen to me".
In 2x08 he's no longer asking, let alone begging. Now he decides she WILL look at him while he's taking possession of her (I said what I said). And him delivering this hearfelt speech to her, talking about "what you could have had" in the past tense is part of the punishment as well, imho.
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Also it aligns with what Charlie revealed about the fight even before the finals aired : that Sauron was petty that she rejected him, and that he would taunt her with what could have been. I believed he was referring to this scene, as well as his demonstration of power (he was literally peacocking during most of the fight).
I don't believe that Sauron wanted to make Galadriel his slave, because if it was his goal he would have just snatched Nenya like he did with the Nine, and waited for her soul to be drawn into the Shadow realm. After she fell, all he had to do was go down the cliff (which he could do very easily, being an ancient sorcerer, something that many seem to forget even though we saw him do incredible stuff in the S2), take Nenya away from her to make sure she wouldn't heal, and waited for the same result.
Did he want to share his powers with her ? I'm not sure that he even knew it would do that, tbh, so I can't say. He probably made a blood oath with Morgoth, but did he get some of Morgoth's powers too ? Or is what we see what he always had ? I'm fairly certain that he had no intention of making her a queen anymore, to rule Middle-Earth, or the Unseen world, or anything else, so we'll have to agree to disagree about that ;) Not when he so ostensibly wants her to submit.
I mean, everything in that scene expresses how he dominates her, which once again mirrors the finals of 1x08 where they were arguing on an equal footing.
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I think, however, that he wanted to be her Morgoth, which would make her his Mairon. This would explain why he wanted her to join him, still. Mairon joined Morgoth because he wanted to, he wasn't forced. He may have felt forced to stay after a long while (because as you said, he was bound to him and couldn't break a blood oath), but at the beginning, he was an enthusiast follower.
Mairon was made to be a follower, but at this moment he's deceiving himself into believing that he broke free of Morgoth, that he can be a leader in his own rights, and that everyone should bow to him and do what he says because only he can do what it takes to heal Middle-Earth. And this vision includes Galadriel as his enthusiast follower, imho.
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I'm convinced that Galadriel didn't "play him", by the way, when she took off her ring and handed it to him. I think for a short time, he indeed convinced her that she wanted to join him, because she believed in his goal to heal all Middle-Earth. But she finally snapped out of it (by her own will, imho, not because of Nenya) because 1) she doesn't want to be his follower ! Being queen was tempting, but his secretary who brings him coffee and newspaper every morning, no thanks man 2) and most importantly, his methods are awful and she doesn't want to play any part in this.
Regarding the question asked by @ghostinthetumbchine,
The blood oath, to be binding, requires the actual oath being spoken by the person making it. Based on Tolkien general ideas presented in the notes and letters I would assume that it would need to be done of free will to work. Whereas what happens after being stabbed with a morgul blade is different to a blood oath - its pulling incarnates fea into unseen and trapping them so that you can command them. So, i think it is viable that he - more or less purposefully - put some of his powers/spirit/essence into her there but i think it will work differently to a blood oath, if they want to keep the spirit of "your free will matters and no one can bind you against your will" Tolkien seemed to value
I'd agree with that, I must say. We keep talking about a "blood oath", but Galadriel didn't agree to it. She refused it once in 1x08, and by let herself fall off the cliff in 2x08, I think she also clearly expressed her disapproval. There were no words spoken before Sauron stabbed her with Morgoth's crown, he just... did it.
Every time I rewatch this scene, it reminds me of all the Vampire scenes I watched, because there's something quite vampiric about Sauron, when he stabs her and looks at her the way he does... But mostly, it reminds me of this scene of Interview with the Vampire, where Lestat bites Louis, almost bleeds him out, and only then tells him, "I'm going to give you the choice I never had". It's very fucked up, because this choice is hardly a choice : it's "become whatever I propose you to be, or die".
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For Lestat, it's an honest choice. But Louis has no clue what's this life Lestat proposes him to lead. He has no idea he will become a monster. There's a blood oath that happens here too, which will bond Louis and Lestat forever. Follows a very unhealthy albeit fascinating dynamics, rhymed with regular battles of will, very similar to what Galadriel would have had with Sauron if she had joined him in in 1x08 and even more after 2x08, imho. Because Sauron knows nothing else than this dynamic (that's what he knew with Morgoth, as he told Celebrimbor), it couldn't have been any other way.
I'm bringing up this comparison, because it can be said that Louis gave his consent, when he told Lestat he wanted to live, and drank Lestat's blood. But it was a dubious consent at best, because Louis wouldn't have found himself in this situation if Lestat hadn't jumped at his throat and bled him out. To me, it's a similar situation with Galadriel : I don't think it can be said that she consented to a blood oath only because a part of her wanted what Sauron had to offer.
So I'm also very curious to see how it will play out in season 3. If Sauron's surprised to see Galadriel become so powerful and if they realize it's because of what he did to her, or if he expected it, what hold can he have on her now that she's bound to him, but also, will she have an hold on him somehow ? They have many possibilities ahead of them... I hope they won't fuck this up.
Blood binding and Sauron’s intentions
My pal @rey-jake-therapist and I were in one of our usual friendly discussions about this topic in one of her posts, but since the theme digresses so much from her original intent and I’m pretty much spamming her OG post by now, we decided to move the debate to here, and invite the fandom to join in.
As customary, Rey always presents good and challenging counter-arguments to mine. Because it's possible to disagree and keep it civil and friendly. This is good fandom etiquette, and this is the point of debates, after all: sharing different ideas and perspectives on the same topic. We usually end up agreeing on disagreeing and it’s all good in the end.
What were Sauron’s intentions and goals in stabbing Galadriel with Morgoth’s crown in 2x08? 
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2x01 / 2x08 parallels: “Only blood can bind.” (Adar; 1x05)
1) Binding/Enslaving Galadriel to his Will
Rey made the case for Sauron’s intention of possessing and dominating Galadriel using Morgoth’s crown. And that we should focus on present intentions, and not lose yourselves in “what if” scenarios (with this I totally agree, so, let's focus on the present time).
This theory states that Sauron wanted to enslave Galadriel to his will, by having her handing over Nenya, in submission. This would explain why Galadriel seemed “bewitched” while removing Nenya from her finger, and almost surrendering it to him.  
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This means Sauron has “outgrown” his intentions from 1x08, when he wanted to serve Galadriel (due to his Maia nature; he was created to be a servant to a Vala). Now, he wants full power, and he’s not willing to share it with anyone else (Galadriel included):
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Sauron only wants to dominate/possess Galadriel now: she humiliated him when she refused him in 1x08, he developed an obsession for her, so he punished her with physical pain (the stabbing), and attempted to possess her so she would follow him.
And so, if blood binding theory is true, this would work like the Nine and the Nazgûl, with Galadriel not only being a servant, but a slave to Sauron. This theory can also imply she would have, indeed, become a Ringwraith herself, as her soul was entering the Unseen world (“Shadow realm”) when Gil-galad and Arondir found her.
This is a very strong theory, and I think many fellow fans share this view, as well. Would it pass Sauron to do something like this? Absolutely not, and it would not be OCC for him to have this intention, at all.
So what’s my problem, you might ask?
This facial expression right here:
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Unless Charlie was having a case of fatigue eyes due to extensive use of contact lenses (speaking from personal experience), there’s no explanation for Sauron getting all teared up when he believed Galadriel was about to join him, if his intention was to enslave her to his will, and that’s what he was doing here.
And no, Galadriel can’t deceive him. This is underestimating Sauron’s power: he’s the “great deceiver”, and only he can deceive himself, really. And if they are, indeed, blood bound, Galadriel couldn’t possibly hide anything from him. And I already made the case for how Galadriel was about to join him, freely, in another post.
2) “You bind me to the light, I bind you to power”
Speaking of Sauron’s intentions, we need to remember the creator of this character and what he says about him. Tolkien tells us (in Letters 131, 153 and 183) that “Annatar” still has “fair motives”: he’s a reformer who, truly, wants to rebuild/heal Middle-earth, and he’s genuine in this endeavor (nevermind his methods, that’s why he’s a villain). Rey counter-argumented this does not translate in a desire to serve Galadriel, and she’s correct.
However, what was his intention in 1x08?  
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And if Sauron still has a genuine concern in healing Middle-earth, what if his intention with Morgoth’s crown was giving Galadriel his power, while harvesting her light for himself, just like he wanted in 1x08? And if this was his intention, why would he keep her soul “trapped” in the Unseen world? What if he wanted to make her queen of the Seen and Unseen world? Not a mere queen of Middle-earth, but as nearly as possible to a literal Goddess he could serve?
Because Sauron/Mairon can’t escape his nature, he was created to be a servant, a Maia to a Vala. And, right now, he doesn’t want to serve Morgoth. Even though he does it, unconsciously, and perhaps he recognized this after he killed Celebrimbor in a rage fit (something that’s completely OCC for him, because that’s not who he is; Sauron is a control freak, a mastermind).
This scene with Galadriel happened after that; and Sauron cried because, when he looked up at Celebrimbor, all he could see was Morgoth’s bounds on him reaching the surface. And that chaotic destruction is Morgoth, not Sauron. And he doesn't want that at this point on his character arc in Tolkien lore. I think this is when Sauron makes the decision to bind himself to Galadriel, one way or the other.
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I absolutely disagree with the idea that Sauron stabbed Galadriel to punish her or kill her: if that was his true intention he would have used Morgoth sword (he was already using it in his duel with Galadriel the entire time), not a powerful dark magic object infused with own blood (because Adar used it to destroy his previous physical form), nor he would have carried that thing around the entire time while mentioning "binding" twice (“I never believed I could be... Until today. Fighting at your side, I... I felt... If I could just hold on to that feeling, keep it with me always, bind it to my very being, then I...” (1x06); “The door is still open”).
“Binding” (usually connected with “blood oaths”) and “enslaving” are two different kinds of blood magic. Because the Nine rings of power are pieces of jewelry meant to be worn by ring-bearers, with a small dosage of Sauron’s blood (along with other specific spells). Morgoth’s crown not only has a lot of Sauron’s blood on it, but we also don’t know what kind of dark magic it actually contains: we only know it was made to hold the Silmarils and it can destroy Sauron’s physical form (implying that, maybe, Sauron doesn’t have much control over this object?).
Sauron accidentally sharing his power with Galadriel is nonsense to me, as well. He's ancient, has been around since before the world existed (he helped create that very world), has been a master in blood magic and every sort of sorcery for thousands of years, and he’s one of the most powerful Maia in existence, but isn’t aware he would be giving Galadriel some of his power by binding himself to her? When he clearly mentions this in 1x08? "I bind you to power". Because Galadriel appears to be seeing the world in a whole new way in 2x08 epilogue (and even her eyes look off):
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Besides, Galadriel is suppose to be a powerful sorceress of her own right in Tolkien lore, mastering several powers. In the legendarium Galadriel own power was amplified by Nenya, yes, but this isn’t the case in “Rings of Power”, because we haven’t seen her displaying any magical powers in Season 1. She won’t have any other powers in the show (besides healing and foresight/visions), completely cutting off with Tolkien legendarium? If the show keeps it true to the lore on that bit, where did her powers (look into others’ hearts and minds, and communicate telepathically) come from? Will they “magically” appear out of nowhere? When and how? But, if these powers came from Sauron it’s because he wanted it to happen, and that was his intention. And if that was his intention, what was his purpose with this if not to serve her?
And Sauron does share power: he does share his power with those he wants to enslave; via the rings of power. That’s why Celebrimbor tells him he’s their prisoner, and not their master. However, these are two very different kinds and degrees of magic. Because with the rings ("enslave") he can control how he wants it to go; while sharing his actual power with another living being ("blood oath") is uncontrollable. He can’t possible know the end result of it.
I know there’s a popular theory that Adar was blood bound to Sauron, but I don’t think so. Adar not only doesn't have any magical powers, but he wouldn’t be able to kill Sauron himself, if that was true. Blood binding is a blood oath, and it’s forever, unbreakable, and it prevents beings from harming or acting against one another (physically) in any direct way. That’s why “Rings of Power” introduced the clue that Sauron might be blood bound to Morgoth in 1x03; and that’s the reason he could never leave nor forsake his master even when he came to resent him.
This means, that, in "Rings of Power", Sauron, most likely, only has Morgoth as a reference to blood oaths. And he probably thinks this will go the same way with Galadriel, and he’ll keep her light to himself, allowing him to keep Morgoth at bay. Only her “light” is merely aesthetic, really. The light that shines on her hair and eyes is the light of the Two Trees of Valinor, and it shines on every Elf that was born during the Years of the Trees (and not only her). Because Galadriel is a complex and nuanced character, and ticking bomb that can turn dark at any minute.  
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myokk · 2 months ago
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my favorite bookworm
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motherfuckingbrad · 1 year ago
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say what you will about community s4 but the thanksgiving episode where jeff tells his father how fucked up he is and how he literally harmed himself because he just wanted to feel like someone cared about him will never not make me cry
like we see jeff struggle with isolating himself and caring so much what others think and feeling like he needs to put up walls for most of the show, so for him to have improved so much that he can stand up to the first person that ever made him feel unwanted and admit how much distress it caused him is so good and makes me so happy
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itspileofgoodthings · 2 months ago
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my romantic self-esteem is just absolutely rock-solid. for whatever reason!
#I’m a catch!#and I’m so not interested in anybody who wouldn’t demonstrably make my life better in every way#and that involves not being afraid of me or the idea of romance/marriage in general#and if you are afraid it just isn’t interesting or attractive enough for me#there was a boy a few years ago and tbh I think he liked me#and I liked him! he was cute he was intense in an endearing way#and he was smart#we argued about Taylor and then the next time I saw him he was like Christmas tree farm is a good song#(it had just come out)#and he never did anything about it and then he moved away and that is totally fine#and I wish him well.#but the crush was killed by the simple fact that he never liked me enough to say it#like truly and with all (non-romantic) love; go with God#at that point lol#that said I have never wanted marriage or children as an abstract concept#so it makes it much easier to think along these lines#it would be so devastating to want it so badly and not get it!#but I can’t even imagine summoning the desire for it in an abstract sense#I’ll meet someone and love them and then that will lead to marriage and possibly children#or I won’t#but both roads look about the same to me in terms of desire#or any desire big enough worth mentioning#not talking about the whispers or the daydreams that do sometimes intrude#but yeah I don’t think full desire would come until there was a person#and there might not be! I cannot conjure them from the deeps lol#anyway I’ll stop talking about it because I know it can be sensitive/delicate to talk about#in a public setting
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sskk-manifesto · 3 months ago
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!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A great episode tbh especially given the low budget. I feel like they really did their very best#And even though what I'm going to say next is probably going to be all critic - because I nitpick things and that's what I always end up–#talking about - I still want to underline that it was a very solid and enjoyable episode!!!#Alright the ss/kk was so 💞💞💞 every scene I had to rewatch twice or thrice akhscbashfb they're so cute!!!#Except for the riding scene tho. That scene gives me massive second hand embarrassment every time I just wish it will end as fast as–#possible pffttt. Mmmmhhh... The drawings weren't even too bad all accounted. My main complain is about the quicksand scene...#I feel like that one should be a slow quiet emotional scene. I never licked the choice of using the song as background soundtrack :/#I feel like it ruins the mood of the scene (it was still good though)#I also... Generally don't like the direction they seem to go for with Akutagawa's character in the anime‚ he seems quite a bit flatter–#compared to how he is in the manga. He can't be angry and evil ALL the time you need to show that softness get through from time to time.#If not what even is the point of his character. Yet in the anime he's angry (and not distraught) when he loses the mine craft and he's–#angry when he's questioning Atsushi about his motifs and he's angry when he's bragging about Atsushi's abilities to Goncharov and he's–#angry when he makes the promise with Atsushi at the end of the episode and eventually he'll be just as angry even when telling Atsushi–#to run away as he's sacrificing his life for him. It is pretty flat at the end of the day.#If I can say something about K/ensho Ono without being killed I think they do contribute to making him feel angry all the time.#But that said it's all probably poor directing choices (or simply choices I don't agree with).#Also‚ about cuts. Usually I try to be lenient about it– I understand it's hard to fit in everything and b/sd already does a very–#good job by adapting the manga almost panel-by panel. It's just that... You skip Akutagawa showing compassion for Atsushi after the–#orphanage director died. You skip Atsushi sharing the same compassion when Akutagawa loses his targed in the mines chase. You skip the–#“Nothing special about that. // I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor.” line. And sure each of them may be negligible by their own#But together they wave a consistent web of relationship between the two characters you know? And it's a loss to omit them all#Well no mind. Again it was still a great episode overall!!!!#I think the colors in the mines could have been prettier in the mines but we can't have it all#Off to season 4!!! Omg I can't believe we got this far :DDD#random rambles#FINALLY was able to catch up in time for the season 3 finale!!!!!!
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dreamteamemojis · 4 months ago
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#controversial slightly radical political take incoming#im so sorry but i cant stand the 'vote blue no matter who' crowd like yall are the reason why we are in this mess in the first place#pushing unpopular centrist genocide supporting candidates and then acting shocked that they lose and blaming liberals not voting-#when republicans would NEVER push a candidate as far left as biden and hillary are right and thats why they keep winning#and acting like committing genocide being a red line to not vote for someone is a bad thing be so fucking serious#they would vote for someone who supported the holocaust in the 40s as long as they called themselves a democrat while doing it#the fucking tactic of vote for our guy because the other guy is ~worse~ instead of giving people something to actually care about#ISNT WORKING OUT SO WELL HUH who would have thought#genuinely that is why bernie made it so far in 2016. because he made people hope that things could even start to change.#and unfortunately trump also did that for his base. and even more unfortunately. the dnc saw that and stomped it out. and then THEY lost.#fear mongering fascism to people watching protesters against genocide getting beaten by cops under the administration youre pushing#isn't exactly that convincing. sorry.#like yeah. we need the majority in the house and senate for sure. but president wise? you cant convince me there is a 'less' evil option#like how dare you even insinuate that after all that has been done in these past nine months tbh#i think its the fucking sugar coating that really pisses me off more than anything#like. you do not have to make biden out to be a good man in any way just to make trump seem like a bad one. thats already established.#youre voting for evil. either way. just accept it. there is no 'less'. trying to absolve yourself from that is what pisses me off.#and 'voting blue no matter who' is what got us all here in the first place. convincing ourselves that here is a less evil in every situatio#sorry. im done now. i just hate seeing all those guilt tripping 'well now you HAVE to vote' posts on my timeline.#politics
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averlym · 1 year ago
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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elizabeth-mitchells · 1 year ago
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WELL!! time to get started on the bly manor rewatch then!!
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eggmeralda · 5 months ago
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I need a massive sudden hyperfixation shock to happen again
#that era when i'd just got out of the onceler divorce of summer 2021. and then listened to everywhere at the end of time in october#and it was ruining my life and i couldn't sleep and there was nothing really good happening#like it wasn't Bad bc at least i wasn't depressed anymore like i was in the summer but it was still just dead. and i couldn't get#the last 6 minutes of eateot out of my head#and then. suddenly. got shot with the *blurry screenshot of stan and kyle as adults* beam#south park post covid trailer released. everyone who had ever been in that fandom was awakening from their graves#it was like 'future episode??' 'why have they got noses' 'what the fuckkkk' 'is anything real anymore?' etc#it was such big news that it instantly shocked me out of my existential crisis and reawakened that hyperfixation for the 9347384th time#and i vividly remember going on tumblr the morning after it aired and trying to avoid spoilers bc i hadn't watched it yet#but i accidentally saw a sentence something along the lines of 'kenny's a billionaire philanthropist now' and. ok i had to see a picture?#so i did and he looked like the epitome of a cool uncle#and then i was walking to uni that morning probably looking like i was crying or something bc like. kenny successful future#and the whole thing just brought my general mood up so much?? so by the time it was 2022 i was absolutely fine#and then 2022 was so good. up until like august and september#and things got a bit dangerous again like my mood was alright but the slightest thing could bring it down#and then my best friend/housemate got a girlfriend and it was that whole drama and her existence basically ruined my last year of uni#and since then i've become so bitter and cynical and all victimy and it's so annoying and i don't even realise i'm doing it#so now i only ever notice negative things happening and have done since like the end of 2022#and i just need one of my old hyperfixations to do something insane again. like sp post covid.#i need. idk victor hugo to come back to life and publish notre dame de paris 2. or something#or for pip to come back to south park. that would actually fix me forever tbh#or the golden ratio to announce they're touring the uk for free. okay no ykw that would fix me#orrrrrrrrr idk. secret history made into a film but it's actually good#anyway. the south park kids as adults with noses set off an entire like 8 months of Pure Optimism in 2022 and i need her back more than ever#ramble
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heartyearning · 1 year ago
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not trying to get at this person specifically and to an extent i understand that this movie could be polarising but anyway none of that is impt i just. i know i rage on letterboxd one liners so often but this is the disease of star power and let me be clear i suffer from it as much as anyone but this concept of person > character (by which i mean: celebrity character created by media maintained by audience and made personal by fan > story and functional element of the media engaged with) is crazy. it's fucking crazy. can't exactly remember who started this trend but wasnt it that shakespeare actor in the 18th/19th century who put special effects in his costume anyway he was a bitch and when you get to heaven you can tell him i said so
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wonder-falcon · 2 years ago
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the fake-dating banter was the best part of this book i need a moment 😭😭
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stepmom · 2 years ago
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season 9 review
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isekyaaa · 3 months ago
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If you don't know me well and you've heard my opinions abt people talking shit, I probably seem like the person that enjoys talking shit about others. To which the truth of the matter is that I don't. Tbh, I feel I do something worse. When I talk about a person to someone else, I break them down from the bottom up by analyzing what makes them so irritating, but also what makes them so great, and I share that analysis with the person I'm talking to. It quickly escalates to bringing up a person's personal issues, traumas, insecurities, etc, and analyzing them under a lens.
#rambles#sometimes if people are really lucky i'll share my analyses with the person themselves#that's really fun#oh how i would love someone to do this to me#or if someone did this to me behind my back i'd hope the person they talked to shares their findings with me#one thing thats true abt me is that i always treat people the way i dont mind getting treated (even if they dont like it)#but my opinion of talking shit is like.....#the line between talking shit and venting can get extremely thin#tell me this#your friend has a coworker that is constantly causing problems for your friend. this person is friendly but utterly incompetent#this coworker piles more work to do on your friend's already stressful job. added onto this this coworker always lies to sound competent#your friend cannot stand their coworker. they can't stand listening to this person or even hearing them breathe#everyday they vent about them to the point that it devolves into getting irritated over the tiniest things#here's the question. is your friend talking shit or are they venting?#are they a bad person for getting so irate?#the thing with talking shit and venting is that regardless of what is said it will always be hurtful to the person talked about#but also sometimes there are very good reasons why a person may get upset and feel the need to vent all the time#should we operate under the fantastical belief to always see the good in everyone and accept everything they do?#should we act like we should always like everyone we talk to and never speak bad about them?#is it wrong to share these charged feelings with someone you trust that would never share it with others?#should you feel upset when people feel the need to vent about you?#or do you think theyre talking shit behind your back?#do you expect everyone to like every aspect about you? and that they should share every gripe they have abt you?#tbh i dont care what ppl say abt me 'behind my back' bc no doubt i do things that bother them#i don't view them as a bad person for doing that#granted there are verified shit talkers and..... ngl those people are fascinating#no doubt toxic but also kinda refreshing to be around? they're very honest but also very.... accurate?#they can point out your deepest insecurity in a second#you can learn a lot abt the human psyche through observing them#theyre the kinds of people whose actions and lifestyle i dont condone but in short spurts theyre pretty fun
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