#i cried tons
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im crying so bad i hate f2 why is it always pepe šššš tell me about your experience with him pls š„Ø
1. i truly too hate f2 š esp because its ALWAYS PEPE ššš
2. this is such a bad pic but i thought i hadnt taken any pics but then i remembered a pic i took on thursday morning of all the bracelets i made sooooooo
idk i donāt like it a lot but š good enough (and it didnt look like it was too tight around his wrist aaaaaaa so thankful)
3. I DIDNT HAVE TIME TO FOCUS ON HOW HE SMELLED AAAAAA I WAS TOO NERVOUS š (and too focused on his hands-) i am pretty sure he smiled at me but it's all such a blurā¦ plus he was definitely upset abt the races so :(( but no yes there were definitely smiles!!!!
4. okay story time!! i will try to cut this as short as possible but here we go!! sooo i was actually just casually strolling down the f3 paddock for no reason when i just happened to look into the campos tent and there he was !! he and sebastian just stood and chatted for a long time looking all cute as always, and i was cursing myself for putting the bracelet i wanted to give him in another bag because this is such a lovely opportunityā¦ā¦. but i rushed away the like 200 meters to my bag and got the bracelet and when i got back they were still there!! and then after a while of waiting they were separating and pepe got onto his little electrical scooter and was about to drive off and i was heartbroken because nooo what if he just drives off in another direction and i have no way to catch up?? (i was standing a bit away from the truck because i didnt wanna bother them too much)
and like there were two separate ways to the f2 truckā¦ and what are the odds that he chose the way that was right where i was standing? like he was driving exactly up to me??? so i just took a deep breath and said his nameā¦ he had so much speed that he drove past me, and he just as well couldve pretended not to hear or just looked back and said "hi" before keeping driving, but he turned around and drove back to me š„ŗ and so i asked if i could give him a bracelet and he said "of course!" š„ŗ and i said i was sorry about the weekend but that he would come back in monza and just š wait i actually cant write about this without tearing up a little šš idk he was just super sweet and we chatted real quick about the future and he was so cute and i just šššš like i said, he seemed a bit upset still about the weekend (very understandable!!!) but he still seemed a bit optimistic! and as he drove off, he wished me a great day and i just š« š„ŗšš„°š«Øššš
#i cried tons#so crazy to experience this shdjddhdj#how did this happen?????#im so blessed and lucky honestly#thank u for the kind words <333#will be walking in clouds forever#asks!#anon!
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I have added a quirky comment here for the last year and a half, however nowā¦ I have no words.
jk I have all these words š
I know it is very bitter sweet, but this is the end of Reconnecting. Thank you all for coming along on this journey with me. I plan on making a behind the scenes video on my YT sometime soon. Feel free to send any asks you have I want to answer them all!
Please know I am not going to dissapear! I still plan on making content consistently, and my original comic RULE 5 is already underway, and if youād like Iām certainly not against writing some exposition fics for Reconnecting š
masterpost
Prev (3::8) / This is the End š
#art#my art#deltarune#reconnecting#reconnecting update#here it is#youāll never know the vessels real name hehehehhe#anwayyyyy#please send an ask Iām planning on answering them all#man I literally cried so much doing this#this story is so close to my heart and so much actually about me and my journey with my mental condition#I feel like a new chapter of my life just started with this oneās end#ANYHOO NO MORE SAPPY#thank you all for reading#I STILL TAKE COMMISSIONS#also I have really cute headcanons so like- ask for little stories Iāll write em#rule 5 is coming!!! I have a ton of concept art#and yknow Iāll still draw deltarune shenanigans#*SOBBING*
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who, me? what am i thinking about? oh, nothing in particular - just penelope visibly upset after her one chance at an engagement had been ruined and her mother asking her what she did wrong to cause that, penelope downright asking her if she cared about her beyond having a ring on her finger and portia ignoring her in favor of her other daughter, penelope calling herself stupid and everyone around her calling her stupid for thinking she could ever find love, cressida ripping her dress, the ton calling her pathetic and constantly making fun of her, telling colin not to concern himself with the featherington girl because she simply does. not. matter. people ignoring her or scowling at her, colin asking eloise if she wants him to drop penelope and eloise saying no because he's all penelope has at the moment. penelope comparing herself to the dead stag on the wall.
#oH bUt sHe gOsSips- idc.#actually i think she should be worse#please god take all her suffering and give it to the ton š#the amount of time i've CRIED over this woman is insane#STAY AWAY FROM HER#GET A JOB#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton season three#penelope featherington#penelope bridgerton#lady whistledown#clown.txt
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#i randomly rendered that one sitting hunter#love how he was depiction of >:(Ā most of the episode#sheerak#toh spoilers#hunter clawthorne#hunter noceda#hunter the owl house#hunter toh#can he have like one canon last name already? xD#the owl house season 3#also the term is ending and I have tons of unfinished projects I have to miraculously finish#but I'm being so brave about it#*cries in the corner#the owl house spoilers#the owl house#luz noceda#the owl house s3 spoilers
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Bitch, I cried so fucking hard in these scenes.
#blank the series#blanktheseriesss2#blank the series season 2#ninestarstudios#fayeyoko#faye malisorn#faye peraya#yoko apasra#yoko apasra lertprasert#thai gl#thai series#thai drama#I took care of my twin sister when she was in a coma before she died so this hits so fucking hard I cried a shit ton of tears seeing this
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I made these a while ago š¤āØ
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney princesses#overblots#I want to finish these asap#but I've got a ton of chibi sets to finish before I start#*cries
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"Vampire bites secrete a venom that numbs the pain" cowards!!! I think when Kanaya bites Rose it should hurt like a bitch.
Is it not romantic? To let yourself be in agonizing pain so your wife can feed on you? To have to feel her long teeth penetrate your veins and drink your blood and endure every painful second of it, only to let her do it again and again?
#talk tag#homestuck#rosemary#i think the first time kanaya drinks from rose she cries#hot vampire wife bloodsucking fantasy shattered! this hurts so fuckin bad#both rose and kanaya are so disillusioned#but there could be something so soft about it too. the trust man *clenches fist*#also i think theres something comical in imagining rose having to bandage her neck and drink a fuck ton of water afterwards#(an alt here is that there IS an anesthesiac in the bite. but it only works on trolls)
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PLEASE COULD WE MAYBE GET LIKE A VIBE OF WHAT THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF SETTLE OUR BONES IS GOING TO BE ABOUT NO PRESSURE JUST CURIOUS
The vibe is itās kicking my ass š
#itās a collab with batmoniker!#itās set in Sept/Oct ish#after school starts up again#and it involves some Proper Comic Book stuff#no one throws up in it so I should get points for that!!#a few days ago I got so frustrated trying to work out the logistics in one scene that I cried a little#then felt very dumb bc Iām a grown woman and this is fanfic#then called batmoniker in a panic like listen what if we just scrap the whole fic#and she was like orrrrr#we could NOT do that and just delete the part that isnāt working#and I was like ābut it would be so satisfying to just delete everythingā#and sheās like āI support you butā¦ā¦maybe just try this firstā#ANYWAY it started sort of coming together today#and I THINK itās somewhat steering in the right direction#itās got a TON of pov shifting#including one bit thatās outsider POV#and that makes it quite a challenge#Iām currently on an Alfred section#it has more action than I generally write#but there will still be a good bit of hurt/comfort bc Iām still me#batmoniker and I came up with this idea like 3 years ago while slightly drunk the first time we ever met up irl#so thatās the vibe#and if this fic ever sees the light of day it will be 100% thanks to batmoniker#settle our bones
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thinking about yassen gregorovich instead of sleeping (because i love him) and how he is a catalyst. yassen stabbs ash -> ash kills john rider -> ian rider raises alex -> yassen kills ian rider -> mi6 blackmails alex into becoming a teenage spy.
i have so many thoughts that i can't properly articulate. obviously this is a simplified chain of events, but yassen and his choices set off a chain reaction of the world's most unfortunate dominos. especially when you read russian roulette. to be clear im not necessarily trying to blame him for everything because that feels very mean. he was also just a 14 year old kid when everything in his life went wrong, just like alex. only difference being yassen literally had no one.
i think i should write an essay about this because i haven't even gotten into my thoughts about what yassen and alex's dynamic would look like past eagle strike. i would imagine it'd be similar to ellie and joel from the last of us part 2.
where obviously yassen loves alex and alex on some level cares for yassen back but struggles to reconcile that with the fact that yassen is responsible for his uncle's death. a very unforgivable act. it would be so messy and complicated and angsty, because on one hand here is an adult who truly cares about him and has a connection with him through his father. yassen could tell alex about john, and trust that yassen truly wants whats best for him. but he killed ian, and he cannot take that back.
while alex reels from those feelings, yassen is also trying to reconcile his love of alex with the knowledge that he on some level is responsible for the suffering alex endured at the hands of mi6. and possibly even the fact that alex's godfather is the one who killed john and helen.
#btw i think anthony horowitz killed yassen off so he wouldnt have to deal with this lmao#and sidenote ash is responsible for his own shitty choices but i think itd be difficult for yassen to cope with the fact that stabbing ash#led to some very bad consequences for literally everyone#are there any fics that are similar to what im describing?? ?#i read a ton of alex rider fics but i mostly read fluff because im actually too emotionally fragile to handle angst#i cried while reading stormbreaker and that book wasnt even supposed to be sad#if this is doesnt make any sense its because i woke up at 2 am and wrote this#its just word vomit; pure not proofread thoughts directly from my fucked up little brain#idk maybe someone will enjoy reading this#alex rider#yassen gregorovich#alex rider books#ian rider#john rider#chaotic ramblings#and final note i do not ship yalex#i was thinking of this more in terms of yassen having a weird guardian/parental relationship with alex#if it wasnt clear from my ellie and joel reference from the last of us#anyways im gonna go back to making shitposts and memes so i never have to feel anything again thank you goodnight <3
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this may very possibly be my nicest birthday despite my horrible age I love u all
#this may be the most birthday wishes ive ever gotten *cries in lonely*#and the kofi tips just TOOK ME OUT i feel loved *cries a ton more*
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thank you J.R.R. Tolkien for writing the most devastating romantic subplot in your lotr books without even realising it
#im talking about sam and frodo sorry everyone#guess who like watched all the extended films and cried#whether you intepret sam and frodoās love platonically or romantically you have to understand that they are so entwined that it is#devastating nonetheless#the forehead kiss#im on the ground sobbing#dawgs it was such a real depiction of how trauma is irreversible and will change you entirely#frodo baggins#i love him so fucking much guys#i love those little hobbits#samwise gamgee#lord of the rings#i could and most likely will write an essay on this#samfro#dawg sometimes love can be both platonic and romantic as queer love is not to be constrained by heteronormative values#sorry did i read too far into the little fantasy story#dude i was not expecting a story about the horrific effects of war racism and power corrupt addiction when i sat down in front of the telly#jokes on the side frodo looking absolutely miserable at samās wedding is so fucking real#i get itās because he knows he cant move on and he is forever changed by his trauma but also that hobbit gay#his wound from the witch king never healing being a symbolic representation of his trauma FUCKS ME UP#frodo you may have been a whiny bitch at times but like yeah that ring probably did weigh a fuck ton and i was worse on my dofe expedition#i may be fucking too hard with lotr#lotr#teehee
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Mike: Wow, El commissioned this painting?
Will:
#and then he cried a ton#also whoops i disappeared again#hashtag education and what not#stranger things#byler#will byers#mike wheeler#stranger things four#st4
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ā¬ļørant about a really good hengren (reverse renheng) fic i read. link at the bottom give it a whirl
i've never read a fic so well-catered to my tastes before in my life and the best part is that i was so caught off guard by how good it was cuz the tags and summary had me like "right this is some omegaverse-esque, rawr XD mating shit"
but from the very first paragraph i realized it wasn't just ao3-typical possessive mating shit it was (dare i say) IN CHARACTER possessive mating shit. underappreciated dan feng lore is the two hearts shit, duty expects him to smother his own empathy and perform cruelty obediently (and that being in his dragon form literally numbs his empathy towards mortals) but then it's flipped around and he's criticized for being too heartless
there aren't a great many english fics that take advantage of the 'numbed empathy' thing, so this fic using that to explore the toxic codependency that drove dan feng to making yingxing immortal in the first place is so!
dan feng's dragon heart prioritizing it's own indulgence and power, his human heart screaming against it for empathy and restraint, but both hearts united in this possessive adoration of yingxing... dan feng is possessive to the point of harming his partner, forcing them to take his affection, inherently contradictive to the protective impulse to see the other unhurt.
dan feng makes yingxing immortal in a really sketchy operation, despite knowing that yingxing is literally defined by his pride in being a short-life. he wants yingxing to be with him so badly that he does the one thing that would hurt yingxing the most, too blinded by possession, this sickly overbearing affection, to empathetically respect yingxing's death.
yingxing lived cramming every second he could into his craft and his goals precisely because he has so much less time than all the immortal species around him, but when he's forced into immortality, his hands are scarred and ruined past the point of ever crafting again. he suddenly has so much time, all this time he would've cherished as a mortal, but is totally useless to him now that his purpose for living and passion is gone.
so there being a scene in this fic where dan feng is moping "yingxing doesn't wanna fuck because he's glued to his workshop", being followed up with a scene of dan heng fucking blade while kissing his scarred hand and crying that he's "so sorry", yeah no shit asshole, his dragon heart got what it wanted, blade has all the time in the world to fuck and nothing competing for his now limitless attention and no one's happy about it.
as arrogant about being a short-life as yingxing was, it really is compensation for the discrimination he faced for it. other immortals looked down on him, so having dan feng, THE top dog, be so deeply enamored with him stirred his own toxic codependent urges. he was so desperate to have dan feng's eternal regard that he's willing to die for him (as in the sedition), his death being the force cementing his place in dan feng's heart forever.
so the fic having yingxing ruminate on this, that he had hoped for dan feng to love him even centuries after he inevitably died, only for the fic to end with:
yeah yingxing... you left an impression... he made you immortal.... everyone's upset by this
(that's what makes dan heng forgetting blade was ever yingxing to begin with all the more painful because, you went and turned him immortal and when it backfired horrifically you went on and fucking forgot, bitch i'd be pissed to the point of centuries long bloody pursuit of vengeance too.)
here's the fic go read it and leave kudos and a comment, technically porn but i got so invested in the character study that part barely registered. also yeah if you hadn't realized already super dead-dove:
blah blah "renheng is toxic" sorry that's why i like it
#hengren#renheng#txt#fic rec#nsft#idrc about who tops but ppl who are strictly top!blade truthers... give this fic a whirl plz it's so good expand ur horizons#so many other insane ramblings i could have about this fic oh my god the way the cloudhymn magic constantly healing yingxing#parallels blade's selfhealing (a self healing he got BECAUSE dan feng made him immortal)#cementing how his current state really was created by dan feng's desire to keep him and his love eternal URHGHG#ppl have the audacity to say blade is obsessed with dan heng when it was dan feng's obsession that created blade to begin with. kms#and also dan heng's guilt the whole while is š¤ cuz before he was like. wow. that's SO fucked up. good thing dan feng did it#surely /i'm/ not capable of that -- pan to slow realization that he's still very much dan feng#so the initial rejection of responsibility of dan feng's crimes to realizing that it's deadass just his own crimes he has to atone for#kafka being quietly and subtly comforting of blade and that making dan heng possessive . when the reason blade needs comfort to begin with#is dan heng himself. like. it's so ironic i'll die#more honorable mentions is i love dan heng calling blade 'yingxing' because it's so fucking mean#he's the bitch getting pissed everytime someone calls him dan feng or dares to insinuate he's the same person but he's the exact same bitch#totally doing a 180 on blade and treating him way more kindly after realizing he used to be yingxing#'stop treating me like the shadow of someone who's long gone' bud listen to ur own advice#the unreliable narration between the first two chapters is so fucking good like once you catch on to which dialogue is actually happening#and what was a flashback and etc etc it's SO fucking good#another honorable mention is. lmao. love it when the top cries pathetic men you'll have my heart forever and always#tons of other endless thoughts about and inspired from this fic but give that bad boy a read. so worth#also this author writes sunblade so that's how you KNOW they're enlightened
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āEven if other people donāt forgive you, you need to learn to forgive yourself.ā - Teamās mother
But Team canāt forgive himself. He doesnāt know how, and so he goes to Tonās grave to look for forgiveness from someone who canāt give it to him.Ā (Iām crying.) Not to mention the way he runs away when he hears someone else coming to visit Tonās grave, like he doesnāt have a right to be there, grieve there. (Iām still crying.)
Then heās crying behind that bush as he looks at the gold medal that should have belonged to Ton. He feels like heās stolen everything from Ton from his life to this gold medal. He doesnāt feel like he deserves anything, or has earned anything for himself. Itās all a debt that heās desperately trying to repay, because he survived and Ton didnāt. Itās all so overwhelming, and he wishes that he had died instead.
But in this dark place, he calls Win. Which is a big deal because Team avoids burdening others with his problems. Sure, he'll beg Pharm for snacks, and ask Win to treat him to a meal. But he doesnāt tell anyone about his insomnia and anxiety. He doesnāt tell anyone that he almost drowned recently. Win discovered these things by accident and because he cared about Team, not because Team told him about them. So just the fact that these two have cultivated a relationship where Team is able to call Win, asking for someone to hold him together while he falls apart, is just so immensely beautiful to me. Because whether Team realizes it or not, he already believes that Win will be there for him no matter what, that Win will catch him.
And here is a person who desperately wants Team to stay alive. Win doesnāt know exactly what happened in Teamās past, and he canāt make Team forgive himself. All he can do is tell him how much he means to him, and thatās just really lovely. Because what Team needs right now isnāt someone who will tell him,Ā āitās not your faultā. Heās not in the mindset to be able to process and accept that. He needs someone to tell him that his life matters, that if he were to die thereās someone who might be just as devastated as Tonās mother is. He might not be able to forgive himself yet, but he can start to see that he is valued.
TLDR: I love these two with my whole heart. I love seeing Team reach out for help when he's in the depths of his self-loathing. And I love how Win's love and care have melted away the walls that have been keeping Team isolated in his own pain.
#between us#between us the series#between us ep9#prem warut#I was crying when Team was talking to Ton at his grave#then I cried harder when Ton's mother was there grieving#then I cried even harder when the shot went back to Team behind the bush.#And I still love this whole scene#does that make me a masochist?#Also - sometimes there are things you can't tell your parents because you don't want to worry them#because you feel like your problems are going to disrupt their happiness#and you don't want to do that to them because you feel that their happiness is more important than your suffering.#I love moments in stories where characters reveal their vulnerabilities and someone else is there to embrace them.#reasons why I love this story#precipitating thts
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just a heads up I'm probably gonna reply to stuff kinda slow for the next few months 'cuz I've got a lot of credit hours for the first half of the semester, and I'm trying not to lose to adhd too quickly and fall behind in my studies ghsjfklsdkl so plz know it's nothing personal I'm just trying to pace myself and not get too distracted from schoolwork
#just a general psa#fox post (ooc)#plus work... I don't have a ton of hours this time of year but they pick up closer to the holidays#october will probably be chaotic hell for me even though it's ironically my fave month and that's when the new aoex season comes out#cries
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No parent should give up on their child.
#just cried a little and made a promise to myself/my future babies that I will never ever not accept my kids no matter what happens#lgbt? deaf? learning disabilities? health issues? mental illness? autism? I WILL LOVE YOU ANYWAY#I want kids idk how smart that is for someone like me but I have a ton of love to give and I canāt imagine not doing thatā¦ idk
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