#also the term is ending and I have tons of unfinished projects I have to miraculously finish

[tavyliasin]

Writer Interview Tag

I was tagged by @redroomroaving and once I'd finished feeling about a hundred emotions from reading I managed to follow it up.

I definitely got a little personal as well, and I know I’m prone to rambling so I’ll pop the questions and answers below the cut. A mild CW for discussion of physical pain and some very very light mentions of mental health. Tagging @morb-untamed @sweetmage @dmbakura @hydropyro @ineadhyn @nicocoer @wixed to do this if you would like to, but there is absolutely no pressure to talk about yourselves or in any personal detail. And anyone else reading this who I missed tagging (I forget names and tags so often, forgive me) please feel free to use me as your tag-in and let me know so I can read your answers too.

When did you start writing?

I have no idea, truly. Stories and reading were a big part of my life since before I could read, and as soon as I could read independently I devoured books and imagined stories in quiet moments. There are a few things I’ve worked on under another name, another identity, but no massive published works. A couple of unfinished SFW fanfics, and some larger original projects that remain on hiatus. As for writing smut and spice and taking fanfic more seriously? That all started in September 2023, and has just grown from there. I was hesitant at first, and you’ll see that in my early author notes, but from there I feel I’ve truly grown in my style and skill, as well as my creativity and ability to delve into character details and kink alike.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Since writing more, I’ve become a terrible reader. I can’t really focus on it for long because my brain goes into ADHD rebellion and says “no, no, we don’t want to read story we want to create story” which is endlessly frustrating when I have stacks of unread books and a ton of fics earmarked by very talented authors. I will say there is a particular thing many may notice in my works – when writing, I very rarely refer to genitalia in direct terms. It’s just a personal preference when writing, you won’t find the word “cock” in any of my works, but contrary to how it might sound I have absolutely no issue with reading it in the works of others. I am an odd creature, I freely admit that. So…yes, there are themes, pairings, styles, and vocabulary features that I enjoy reading but do not write myself.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don’t hear comparisons really, and I don’t aim to emulate anyone either, though I will admit I try to keep just a few little moments of humour or sly winks to the audience in similar ways to Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. Just those quick lines or cutaways that for a moment join reader and author in a little shared joke.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I can only really write comfortably in one place, at my PC. I have 3 screens set up around my seat, which is actually the end seat of a reclining sofa, so I have a heated pad behind my back to reduce pain. I have a mini fridge with drinks on the table beside me with the side screen that has Discord on it at all times, my larger screen (the TV) sometimes has character images for reference or notes or just Spotify up so I can swap songs and playlists quickly. The last screen is in front of me on a table that goes over my footrest, and my keyboard is on a lap desk over my legs. 

I’ll almost always have my headphones on, and a small fan when it gets too warm. Sometimes I do end up a little chaotic with snacks in reach and meds also on the table so I don’t have to have anyone fetch them for me.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It can’t be controlled. The muse is as fickle as it is demanding, when it’s there it wants everything all at once, and when it’s gone?... It leaves a devastating emptiness that honestly I struggle with at times. Even right now, tonight I planned to write, but when I finally got the free time and got set up…nothing feels appealing to try. So I’m doing this instead, and not forcing it. 

There are things I try at times, and things I recommend, too. First? Before you start writing, tend to your basic needs. Do you need a drink? Food? Relevant medication? A nap? A talk with a friend? A bit of fresh air or physical movement? If one of these needs hasn’t been met, it’ll likely soon become an obstacle to your writing. I like to have a drink and snack ready and with me when I start so it’s there as and when I might need it, and I do rely on caffeine like a stereotypically unmedicated ADHD author…

Second, set the mood. It can help for some people to have this routine, to get their playlist going, to be in the right place, to have the things that set a whole zone and bubble. For a while, I had a specific hat I would wear when writing for another project. I could tell myself “I am putting the hat on now, so I will focus and do this thing” and in some way it trained me to write more. I know others who have done things like always listening to a specific genre of music to write, so now when they hear that genre they get the urge to write. Third is take a shower. Nothing gives me more ideas than a good shower, and I even bought a waterproof notepad and pencil set so I can make those notes whilst in there and not fret about forgetting an idea. Other than that, I recommend going back to the thing that inspired you to write. Play the game or watch scenes with the characters you want to write about, find their voices and mindsets. You can also close your eyes and imagine the scene like a play – put the characters on your stage at the start of the scene and watch what they do in the scenario. Let them show you how they react. Some people also do well to write out a plan or bulletpoints, but I find personally this can bite me in the ass because the process of writing can often stray from my original plan. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it can feel frustrating that I didn’t use ideas that I was initially passionate about.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Ah here it is. Whilst I could go quite simply with the kinks that I keep utilising that don’t surprise me in the slightest – I know well that I enjoy writing a spicy shifting of power balance between strong-minded characters, as well as a lot of BDSM kink – there are deeper parts to this. Identity. That’s a theme that keeps rearing its head beneath a lot of works, and you’ll find it most noticeable in how I write both Haarlep and He Who Was, but it tends to worm its way into other things too. It…did not surprise me, though, because it’s something I have struggled with over this past year within myself.

I created this name, this identity, as a way to be comfortable in sharing kink fiction and spicy works without it being easily identifiable under my actual name. I still don’t like to be too personal, or share my face or real name under this one, because I would rather keep a few close friends and family out of sight of my fandom thirsting. I’m certain a lot of us are the same – it isn’t really about shame but knowing that I, and they, would likely not be comfortable discussing this level of subject matter. I’ve relaxed a little over time, and have no doubt that a few may have worked out who I am and simply kept it quiet which I appreciate endlessly, just as I appreciate that those who do know both of my identities have never shared that information or made it public. I’m happy to meet people in person, just not to have my self online shared with my other self, as I’m sure you can understand. Anyway, I digress…

Something that the keen-eyed accomplice might have noticed in me is a shift in my speech. I used a few more mannerisms and speech patterns, particularly terms of endearment, under this name when I began. It was a way to separate the self, as well as to engage with a different audience in a different way. I explained it to the few who knew both early on as “same person, different font”, because I don’t change who I am just a few parts of how I speak or interact…but I’ve dropped a lot of the endearments now. Partly because there were more than a few who expressed they were uncomfortable with this in conversation – which I fully respect and understand – so it was easier to just drop them entirely rather than double checking or switching vocabulary between people and servers. But it has also fallen away a little as I have become more comfortable with both sides of myself, allowing them to integrate again more, and I owe a good amount of that to being able to meet fandom friends in person and find that they didn’t turn away from knowing all of me and instead have become even better friends. 

So…yes, the theme of names and identity keeps popping up. The power of names, the importance of identity, how one can hold on to one’s sense of self when it feels as if it is wavering, or when a role must be played. It’s little wonder I was so strongly drawn to so many favourites. Another recurring theme, of course, is pain. Physical. Whilst this is often in the form of kink and pain play, I’ve written a few pieces where it has been a point that is not about the sexual and positive side. I am in pain. 24/7. Without end. It will not get better. It has been this way for over 10 years. The level of the pain is “I cannot walk more than 10 metres before it is too much”, and “I have to drastically reduce and monitor my physical activity to prevent pain getting worse”, so I feel very intimately familiar with pain. You’ll find it in my writing as visceral and detailed descriptions of the sensations, because I’ve felt every one of them and might just be feeling them in that moment as I write. 

I’m going to keep trying to write short comfort pieces, too. Because as I once wrote as a dialogue line for Halsin, when Tav asked how he always seemed to know the right thing to say:  

“Sometimes we say the things we need to hear the most.” 

What is your reason for writing?

Every reason ever. There’s…not a lot I can do in this body. So many hopes and dreams and even careers I’ve had to leave behind, through the struggles of mental and physical health. Whilst the former is far better, the latter is the issue… But writing is something I can do with little physical effort. If I’m in pain, I can take my medication and absorb into fiction. 

I started writing smut as a challenge, but also as a way to tell a story I was becoming rather attached to. My main longfic was one born from playing the game, and wondering about telling the story between the lines, giving reason to the choice the player character was making under my instruction. Since then, it has grown to be so much more.

I’d love to sit here and tell you “I only write for myself, I don’t need external validation” but that…would be a half-truth at best. I write because I love sharing these stories, I love that they can reach out and touch hearts and minds in ways I might never know, but I adore when someone does send back their echo across the vast void between us to say “I enjoyed this” or “this story made me feel something”. That’s…it’s everything to know I have some value. Which sounds a lot like I’m pinning my self-worth on feedback or kudos, and whilst I can’t deny that’s a hard habit to break, I do know it isn’t everything. I just want it to still be something. To know I can do more than just…exist. 

Truly if you were to ask me what I feel the purpose is to my entire life, it would be “to leave each corner of the world I touch a little brighter and better than it was before I got there”, and whilst I know that’s impossible to do all the time I still want to try. And writing? Sharing stories? That’s leaving a positive mark, giving someone enjoyment in their day – yes, even sexually, with the kinky and sexy writing. That is still a positive to someone’s day, an indulgence, something that lifts them and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

If I can do more than that with emotional writing, with comfort pieces, with cathartic moments and with stories that have more meaning behind the words…all the better.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

The best are the ones that pull out favourite lines or moments, but honestly every single comment means the world to me. An incoherent keysmash, a simple “I loved this”, even those are such a boost particularly on a hard day. 

Readers, please know how much it helps. Even a click on the kudos as an anonymous guest, it’s…it lets us know we aren’t just shouting into the void. It tells us those Hits are not people just opening up the fic then closing it because they hated it. It means the whole world to know we’ve done something that you enjoyed, in whatever way that was.

I’ll also say that some of the ones that have meant the most and have stuck with me are comments on the more personal pieces, like with The Love of Loviatar – the Abdirak x Reader fic where I play a little with worlds colliding to allow a reader character who experiences chronic pain (remarkably similar to my own, don’t think about that too hard) to have that moment with Abdirak who validates and appreciates them exactly how they are. Gentle care mixed with BDSM, trading the bad pain for the good pain, the pain that is welcome and has purpose, a little fantasy of enjoying what the body can do rather than being trapped by what it cannot… Every time I get a comment there, I damn near cry. Or just openly cry. They mean so much. I know how much Abdirak can mean to us, and I am so glad I can reach you all. 

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I…well… To be thought of at all is an honour. I’m shocked any time I encounter someone who has read my works, despite logically knowing I have a good number of readers from the numbers alone. I just…don’t look at those numbers often, it’s not good for me. 

I’d like readers to know I care about them. Every last one. To know I would love to tell all the stories they want to read, and that I fully welcome their messages, comments, and even friendship when we share social spaces. There’s something special about the connections we can make in unexpected places, and I’m just delighted to be here sharing stories with you all. 

I don’t need high respect, endless adoration, or some kind of pedestal. I’m a human, unfortunately – squishy and fallible and flawed and suffering and there is still beauty and worth to me even when I don’t see it myself. Just saying that last part louder for everyone else who has loud negative thoughts of themselves. It’s ok for you to see my flaws, and it’s ok for us all to have love for one another despite those flaws. Love in the platonic sense, of course – there are levels of connections we make with people from a distant echo of a brief exchange of words to the direct warmth of a friendship. It’s as important to not underestimate the value as it is important to not overestimate our closeness to people we don’t truly know.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I am beginning to believe it is the wild ideas I have for crackship pairings and turning them into something serious and meaningful. I love taking an unlikely coupling then finding what makes them actually genuinely work. 

I’m also getting quite confident in sensual writing as well as kink, in the particular style that I have for it. I know well that it isn’t to everyone’s tastes, but those who do enjoy my style and method will always have something in the buffet of fic to fill their plate.

I really hope to transfer this to my original work when I get it finished, as I feel like just maybe I might have a niche of style that isn’t as often seen in published works. Then again, I’m not exactly devouring raunchy original fiction so perhaps I’m entirely mistaken and would get ripped to shreds by critics of the genre. Who knows? But I will try to get published when it’s done. I hope a few of you might even read it someday.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Ahh definitely both. I have written characters and pairings I’m not personally into that much, though sometimes (Yurgir) I have found myself enjoying the character after writing with them. It’s a fun little quirk, I start writing something thinking “am I into this?” and realise later “oops new kink acquired” or “ahh ok I see why people like [character] so much now.” 

I do really love writing requests or rare pairings/characters that readers haven’t seen before or are excited to see more of. I hope to keep doing a mix of that and the characters/pairings that I love most myself. If there’s something you’d like to see, I’m more than happy to take suggestions – there are a few kinks, characters, and tropes that I have a hard “nope” line on (not kink shaming, just personal comfort levels – I love that you can enjoy those things elsewhere I am just not the chef to cook that dish for you) but otherwise I love wild ideas and writing something that someone explicitly wants to read~

How do you feel about your own writing?

I really struggle with this one, but I think many of us do. I go from feeling confident that people enjoy what I’ve written and that I have this skill to bring worlds and characters to life with mere words on a page, yet other times? I will freely admit some works of mine take longer because I just hit this point where I just cannot tell if it’s any good. I know intellectually that I have the same style, tropes, stories, kinks that people like and enjoy, but as I’m sat there staring at it I’m questioning everything because I’m just not feeling it. That seems pretty natural, I think, that we are the worst critics of our own works because we’ve read them so many times or thought far too hard about every word and line… But I tend to solve this with an external view. Beta Readers have saved works from near extinction by checking it over, telling me what does need fixing, and reminding me that actually the rest of it is just fine I’m simply overthinking it all because my mind is struggling with something else like fatigue or pain or just a low kind of day.

So… Overall, writing has been a new life for me. Particularly in this last year, trying something new – expanding into NSFW fanfic has found me countless new connections, friends, experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise and a real feeling of accomplishment and validation that just wasn’t happening in WIPs that were taking too long and getting no feedback at all. 

Writing isn’t just something I do, it’s inextricably a part of who I am, and in its own way it continues to shape exactly what “who I am” can mean.

And I am grateful to every single one of you who has shared this journey with me so far. I cannot wait to see how far we can go together~

[ms-demeanor]

A) I have a wide variety of music that I like, everything from punk to metal to hip hop to jazz to country to classical. Lyrically, I tend to like quite a bit of older country, 90s alternative, folk music, and metal. I frequently like songs that are cogent - as in, you can tell, generally, what the song is about on a conceptual level - but not necessarily narrative. Bad lyrics can also ruin pop/rock/soul songs that I otherwise like - the best example that comes immediately to mind is Everclear (who I recognize are not a particularly GOOD band but whose music I enjoy) and the song "I will buy you a new life," which includes the line "I will buy you a new life, perfect shiny and new" and the repetition of new there has made me hate that song since I was about twelve years old. When *writing* songs I can also cringe myself out of liking what I've written, usually when I try to be too literal or pointed or giving a direct, explicit message. (I was the vocalist and primary lyricist for a punk band)

B) I have seen so many musicals. My dad and sister *love* musicals. I've seen productions of South Pacific, Fiddler on the Roof, The Producers, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Annie Get your Gun, Tommy, Mary Poppins, We Will Rock You, and probably others that I'm forgetting. I was *in* a high school production of Little Shop (I tried out for the Mushnik role and ended up in the chorus while also doing tech stuff). And that's not touching on the movie musicals. I've seen dozens and dozens of movie musicals including Disney renaissance movies but also Guys and Dolls, Singing in the Rain, Oklahoma, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Sound of Music, and a whole bunch of things most people have never heard of because they were last released on laserdisc (my dad had two shelves of musicals on laserdisc). My wonderful bandmate wrote a musical about freakshows for the freakshow they were a part of and I went to go see that to support them.

C) I think the thing that bothers me about musical theater lyricism is the use of lyrics as dialog/exposition, but genuinely part of it is the performance norms. Theater singers are belters, generally with great projection, clean tones, and occasionally impressive ranges. The types of vocals I like to listen to are often more abrasive or aggressive than you'd find in musical theater. (Genuinely, it is SO WEIRD listening to clean vocals in jukebox musicals on songs that were originally harsh/distorted) But also musical theater is much more about the Theater than about the Music - it's a showcase for actors, not musicians. You rarely get a bitchin' guitar solo in a musical. (You also rarely get an interesting singer in a musical - you're going to hear people who are very talented and may be very creative but they're probably not going to be very experimental in terms of technique, which is kind of boring from my perspective but perfectly rational for the artform) And there's not a ton of room for getting really creative with language in a musical when you MUST clearly communicate what a song is about because the song isn't just a song, it's plot-relevant. (This is also why Jukebox musicals are so annoying to me - even if the album they're drawing from was a concept album, it probably wasn't written as a literal story so the language is going to be too figurative to neatly fit into a plot and the results of trying to cram an album into a musical feels unfinished and unintentional - because it WASN'T intentional when the music was written.)

I enjoy theater (plays, opera, and ballet are all things I like a LOT), I enjoy music, but I just basically don't enjoy musical theater. There are musicals I would go to see if on offer (Fiddler on the Roof, Chicago, Cabaret, The Producers) but wouldn't seek out, and Little Shop is something that I like enough to occasionally go looking for, but if I was presented with an opportunity to see a musical for free I would probably pass.

And if you present me the opportunity to see a musical based on a movie, that's a hard pass (which I know is ironic considering that my favorite musical is based on a movie!). Mean Girls, Legally Blonde, Moulin Rouge, Footloose, Beetlejuice - I don't want those. No thank you. Have a good time. That looks terrible, I would hate that. I'm glad there are people who like that kind of thing and that they seem to be having a nice time but wow that would be an awful evening for me.

So this is not an unexamined position, this is borne out of years of getting dragged to "come see a show" with people who were going to be very happy to see the show and very annoyed if I did media criticism on it.

I don't want to shit on anybody's enjoyment of musical theater but (with very very few exceptions), man do I fucking hate musical theater.

I've been checking out some of the song recs people had for deeper women's voices and.

The lyrics to many of these songs are simply extremely poorly written.

[sheerakk]

a

[myaekingheart]

20 [Fanfic Writer] Questions Game

Thank you so much for tagging me, @lemony-snickers! This is tons of fun, I love answering these kinds of big questionnaires 😂💕 Also putting mine under a cut because there’s a lot of questions and I like to ramble. 

Also gonna go ahead and just tag whoever wants to do this! 😅💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of August 27, 2021, I have a total of 77 works on my AO3! 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Funny enough, I was just looking at this, specifically, earlier today and kind of laughing about it. Right now, my total word count across all my works is 1,148,941 😬 

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Apparently 12, but some of them I don’t really consider “big” in my fandom repertoire. Naruto is my greatest fandom with a total of 60 fics so far, followed by The Chronicles of Narnia and Rise of the Guardians. The rest are ones I either did crossover fics with or just did one-off little pieces with--The Incredibles, Tangled, Brave, How to Train Your Dragon, Arthurian Mythology, Disney Princesses, Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms, Back to the Future, and Frozen. 

4. What are your Top Five fics by kudos?

The Scarecrow and The Bell (Naruto) - 470 kudos The Day Kakashi’s Mask Slipped (Naruto) - 139 kudos Sunflowers (Naruto) - 92 kudos Sakumo the House Husband (Naruto) - 81 kudos Someone to Lean On (Naruto) - 67 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to respond to comments, because I like to acknowledge when people respond to my work. I cherish comments like nobody’s business, especially when they’re kind and reactionary. I just really love seeing/hearing what people think of the way a story is progressing, or what they thought of a one-shot. Comments keep me going especially when it comes to longfic so I want to be able to let readers know that I do in fact see their comments, that I’m acknowledging what they’re saying, and that I appreciate them. Plus, it can be kind of fun to tease upcoming events in a fic through responses to people’s comments, too. Because I’m mean. 

6. What fic have you written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Hothouse (Rise of the Guardians/The Incredibles; Jack Frost x Violet Parr; American Horror Story AU). This was the first multi-chaptered fic I ever wrote to completion and I honestly cringe when I remember it exists both because it’s so poorly organized (and full of nasty plot holes) and because I just went ham on the gore factor. It definitely has a really bittersweet and heartbreaking ending to it, too. 

7. What’s the fic you���ve written with the happiest ending?

I think I’ll definitely have to say Temptation. The story itself was kind of a ride, and it’s only the first installment in a series, but it follows the plot of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe but remixed due to the presence of an original character, but the ending is still roughly the same as the original: they defeat the evil, the Pevensies are all crowned kings and queens, happy days. Reading the last few paragraphs of the last chapter honestly still gets me all up in my feelings. 

8. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I used to be more of a crossover writer due to one of my main ships being a crossover ship. They weren’t super crazy, though, because they were both CGI-animated films. The craziest crossover I’ve ever written is an in-progress/unfinished multichapter piece, Kakashi, Enchanted, that sees our favorite Copy Ninja get kamui’d into the Disney princess dimension and has to help the likes of Snow White, Cinderella, and Rapunzel on his journey to find a way back to his own world. It’s a super weird premise but definitely one of my more lighthearted works and fun to revisit when I need to decompress. 

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think I’ve ever received hate so much as I’ve received criticism. The closest I ever got to hate on a fic, I think, was someone left an overly personal and mentally disturbed comment on a chapter of my main fic that made me convinced they needed to seek therapy and deal with their own personal issues rather than take it out on a fanfic about animated ninjas. 

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Maybe 👀 I’m super vanilla when it comes to smut, though. I think the wildest thing I’ve ever written in smut is breeding kink. 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, and I hope I never will. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! I had someone ask to translate a one-shot of mine in Russian but I never got a response back when I laid out my terms and conditions. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! I used to do paragraph-style roleplay which was kind of like cowriting fanfiction but writing is so personal and sacred to me that I don’t know if I could ever actually cowrite a fic with someone. I like brainstorming with other people, but writing for me is more of a deeply personal and independent endeavour. 

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh god, this is a tricky question because it depends on fandom. I absolutely love New Dream (Rapunzel x Eugene, Tangled) and have for the past ten years, and my love for them as only grown since watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure. I don’t write or even really read a ton of fanfiction for them, though. I’m also still highly dedicated to my favorite crossover crackship, Frostfield (Jack Frost x Violet Parr, Rise of the Guardians/The Incredibles) and to this day, if you search for that ship on AO3, I am the sole provider of every single fic about them so far. I’m not as active with them as I used to be, but they got me through some really rough times back in the day and still mean so much to me. A lot of my favorite ships across fandoms, though, are honestly canon x OC ships of mine because I am a self-indulgent bitch who needs to project. So Peter Pevensie x Eilonwy (The Chronicles of Narnia) and Kakashi Hatake x Rei Natsuki (Naruto) are really important to me and I’ve poured so much of myself specifically into their stories. I think it’s safe to say Kakashi and Rei is my all-time favorite ship across all fandoms, though, just because of how much their story means to me. The Scarecrow and The Bell is my magnum opus, my pride and joy, and I’m sure it will be my biggest fandom footprint of my entire life. I’ve dedicated the past three years to this story and these characters and I intend to continue doing it until it no longer brings me joy (which I hope it always will). There’s just so much I could say about this story and Kakashi and Rei’s relationship but I don’t think we have enough time or space in this post for that 😅 Just know that they mean the world to me and I will always hold them in the highest regard as a beautifully messy, flawed, passionate, soulmate-y ship that I love with all of my heart 🥺

EDIT: I also feel obligated to tack on some of my absolute favorite Naruto ships because I may not have written for all of them (yet) but they still make me unbelievably happy or I find them really compelling and enjoy the idea of exploring them: 

Naruhina is precious happy sunshine and The Last honestly felt like a wonderful Disney princess movie to me, it was so cute and the romance was so on-point, Naruhina just makes me so incredibly happy and I love them with all my heart. 

MinaKushi also gets me all up in my feels and I adore them with every fiber of my being. Their romance also gave me Disney princess movie vibes which I love, their story is just so damn sweet as is their character dynamic and I am still so heartbroken that they never got to be a happy family with Naruto because you know what? It’s what they deserved!

SasuSaku is so compelling to me and I really feel like we were cheated out of seeing their relationship develop and evolve postwar in the same way The Last did for Naruhina. They’re my favorite angst ship and while I don’t think they were written that well in canon, I love the possibility and potential of them together and am excited to explore them more in-depth in my own writing. 

NejiTen is just too cute, I really love the way Neji and Tenten’s personalities compliment each other? I don’t have much else to say about them except that I really love them together and think they have so much untapped potential that I also can’t wait to explore in more depth in my own writing. 

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Paper Hearts and Impromptu Bookmarks, probably. I love the premise of this story a lot and I have so many interesting ideas for it but at the same time, it also feels kind of cheap and cringey to me, in a way? It takes all of these ideas I probably would have had if I had been into Naruto when I was a kid and kind of compiles them all into one big story. Kakashi and Aiko’s relationship and story is still really important to me and I want to continue it someday but for right now, I just haven’t had the motivation or desire to write any more of it. I think I’m just so overwhelmingly preoccupied with writing Kakashi and Rei’s story that I can’t imagine writing any other Kakashi x OC fics right now. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

I want to say that I’m really good at capturing complex emotion? I don’t know, I write a lot of angst and mental upheaval in my fics which can be really difficult to try and capture, but I think I do a decent enough job of it? And just writing difficult subjects in general. I think it’s really important to address difficult topics such as mental illness and relationship difficulties and everything but I also want to try and write those topics in a way that is both authentic to the experience while also still tasteful. I don’t want to drive readers away with heavy subject matter but rather present a situation that feels real and authentic while also still being digestible. I may not be doing a very good job of that during the current arc of my fic that I’m working on, but I’m trying haha

EDIT 2: I also want to add onto this to say that I’m really proud of my organizational techniques for writing longfic. It’s not necessarily a strength in terms of the prose itself but it’s something that’s taken me years to really get a grasp on and find a method that works perfectly for me and so far, it’s been extremely helpful and beneficial to me. I don’t know where I would be now as a writer without these essential tools in my pocket. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like I do a really bad job of the “show, don’t tell” thing. It can be really hard to balance descriptive prose with straightforward writing that moves things along. I don’t want to dwell on mental dialogue to the point where you lose track of what’s going on, but I also don’t want my stuff to read like “Character A did xyz. Character B said abc. They went to 123″, whatever. Another thing I struggle with is sentence variation. I always fall into the same patterns when I’m writing prose and I get really self-conscious about it because I don’t want to sound repetitive or disrupt the flow of the writing. One of my favorite things about prose is focusing on the cadence of the words, I think it’s one of the most beautiful things about writing in general, but it can just be really difficult to get a good grip on that. I’ve been told in the past that I apparently have a really good grasp/control of the language or whatever but sometimes I just find that really hard to believe when I look at my work with such scrutiny. I think one of my biggest pet peeves with my own writing, too, is feeling like I start all of my sentences the same five different ways. I’ll read other people’s works and they’ll write sentences like “Glass-blue water lapped against the shores of a deserted beach as a lonely woman gazed off into the distance” and I can just never figure out how to realistically write sentences that start like that in the context of my prose and it drives me fucking crazy, like I’m definitely jealous  😅

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never really thought much about it before, but I think there are pros and cons! For bilingual/multilingual readers, I think it can be a really enriching reading experience because they know what’s being said in both languages. For people who only know one language, however, unless a translation is provided, I feel like it can be really alienating. I think the best use of that for both worlds is using it as a means for miscommunication humor. Other than that, I think it can be a slippery slope that depends on what kind of reader you are and how it’s written. 

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Chronicles of Narnia! My very first fanfiction was a Narnia fanfic that I barely remember except that it laid the basis for Temptation and my Narnia fanfic series as a whole. I never posted this first iteration anyway, but I remember it was 2008/2009 and I wrote a solid 80 pages (which was wild for me at the time) and had gotten halfway through remixing the events of Prince Caspian when my computer crashed and I lost absolutely everything. I’m still heartbroken that it’s gone forever, not because I’d want to go back and read it necessarily (since I’m sure it was actually hot garbage) but at least for nostalgia’s sake. Either way, like I said, this long-lost fic laid the basis for the very first fanfiction I ever posted, the first published (and never finished) iteration of Temptation back in 2011 on deviantART and the since-defunct Figment. I fell out of the fandom around 2012/2013 and left the story alone for a while before ultimately deciding to completely redux and rewrite the story when the fixation swung back around again between 2016 and 2018. 

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Despite the fact that it’s still in-progress, definitely The Scarecrow and The Bell. This fic just genuinely means so damn much to me and I will cherish it for the rest of my life because of how much it’s given me, how much love and passion and time and even parts of myself that I have poured into this, and also just how expansive of a story this is. Not only does it touch on some very dark and heavy topics, but I’ve also created so much of my own characters and meta for this story that it’s almost an entire universe in and of itself. I’ve just contributed so much additional world-building and created so many new OCs to fill important roles in this story and in Rei’s life, and they’ve all become so deeply important to me as they’ve developed further over the years. I’ve come up with so many interesting ideas for everyone and their lives, which are all slowly becoming so rich and varied. Not to mention that it’s my most popular fic to date as well as my longest fic at 632k and counting. I’ve really just genuinely poured so much of my heart and soul into this story, it’s my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever done and I really mean it when I say that I will cherish it for the rest of my life. 

[silvysartfulness]

I got tagged by @ameliarating and @veliseraptor to do this writer meme thing!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Six. I only started posting fic on AO3 last year. Before that, many long years ago, I used my own websites and LiveJounal.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

177481. The absolute majority of which is of course Heaven Has A Road.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3, only The Untamed.

But before that, I've written for Disney Afternoon's Aladdin, Slayers, Kingdom Hearts, Assassin's Creed, and one-shot fics for my own original verses as well as my friends'.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Heaven Has A Road But No One Walks It at 1194, unsurprisingly. It's my magnum opus on AO3.

Blanket Statement at 302. The first fic I wrote for the Untamed, and the first thing I posted on AO3 (Thank you, Lise, for holding my hand and walking me through it!)

And To Many More at 169

High Noon In Deserted City at 96, which is sort of funny, since it's just a picture and about 1000 words. But the premise is fun! Still hoping for some hungry writer to adopt it and write something for it. :)

Self-Inflicted at 75.

Which checks out, I guess – the longest fic with the most readers comes first, then the fluff, then the funny and finally the angsty and fucked up. XD

I still suspect The Plotbunny of Doom / The Renegades for Kingdom Hearts would score as my all time highest, though, if LJ likes and comments translated to the AO3 format. That fic took me and two friends three whole years to write together, was 104 chapters long and over 300k.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really try! Comments mean everything to me, and I want to reply to them all! But when I'm low on spoons (which is unfortunately often) I fall hopelessly behind, and then the catching up becomes an impossible-looking chore in and of itself.

I should really set some time aside every day to catch up on the last few chapters' worth of comments... I do love the interaction and discussion a good comment can spawn!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hm... I write a ton of angst, but only a few actually have sad endings. I'd say Eaten counts, as does Self-Inflicted, I guess. TPBoD had a very open ending that was still definitely on the somewhat hopeless side.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Mm, it's not usually my favourite genre (though I mean, the whole Kingdom Hearts verse is a crossover in and of itself) but it depends a lot on the source material. I guess TPBoD might soft-count, since we tossed in a bunch of non-canon references with all the world-jumping.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not as such? Oh yeah, I do recall getting a very upset comment on a non-con fic I wrote back in the KH days, by someone who couldn't conceive how you could claim to love a character and then write such horrible things happening to them. But you get those occasionally. Look, crushing my favourite characters is therapy. Doesn't mean I don't love them.

The Russian fandom are loudly aggressive in their comments on some chapters of Heaven Has A Road, but that's more focused on the characters, not me personally.

On the whole, I've been pretty spared. But then, there's little point in sending hate; I just block.

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

Oh, absolutely. Haven't really gotten to that point in the posted chapters of Heaven Has A Road yet, but we're about to unleash it aplenty in the upcoming ones.

What kind? Most kinds, I guess? Soft and fluffy, aggressive and snarly, consensual, dubcon, non-con. Mostly mlm but I've written het, too. Can't remember if I've written wlw, but I've certainly headcanoned/drawn it. A bit of kink is nice.

I prefer focusing on the chemistry and sensations when I write porn, rather than detailed physical smacking and squelching and body fluids, but that's just my personal preference and writing style.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of? Not that I can remember? I have my art stolen regularly, and I've had my online identity stolen, but I don't think anyone's stolen anything I've written...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Heaven Has A Road is being translated into Russian, and I'm insanely honoured and flattered!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes – TPBoD aka The Plot Bunny of Doom, aka The Renegades, for Kingdom Hearts. I wrote it over ten years ago together with a friend and my now wife. It was a monster of a fic, I think about 320k, and the fact that we were three people helping and pushing and encouraging each other really helped keep it going!

I don't know if I would have the focus for something like it now, but it was an amazing experience I'll always treasure.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh man, that changes with each hyperfixation... I may have to say Marluxia/Vexen for Kingdom Hearts, simply because it's a ship that's been around in my life for so long. I still occasionally go back to read favourite bits of the fics I wrote for them, including TPBoD.

Currently it's SongXueXiao from The Untamed, of course, and a very strong contender overall! I've dabbled a bit in poly ships before, but this is the first time I have one as my main, and I'm love them.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Uh. I don’t really have any? Because of my burnout-brain, I can only really focus on one major project at a time, and that's currently heaven has A Road. And I'm really, really hoping I will be able to finish it!

It's all plotted out, I just need to write the stupid thing. Working on it.

What are your writing strengths?

Hm, I'd say that I've developed a voice/prose over the years that I'm actually quite happy with! And I'm good at conveying/invoking emotion, if going solely by how many people comment that I've made them cry. :D

I enjoy writing dialogue, and I love working with layers of symbolism.

What are your writing weaknesses?

The actual writing process. 🙄 I'm extremely uneven and unstructured in getting the actual words down. Also convoluted and inflated text at times - sometimes I write a lot of words without actually saying anything. And English is my second language, so just nailing the correct phrasing and grammar can be a headache at times.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If it impacts the plot – like the POV character not understanding it, then maybe. And using terms that can't be translated, absolutely! Other than that, there's little point in making a text harder for the reader to grasp by tossing in whole sections in another language for clout. Is my personal view, at least, of course other writers may disagree.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first online fandom that I wrote fic for was Disney Afternoon's Aladdin show. Before that, I wrote original fic. And before that, before the internet was A Thing, I'd write and draw for stories that captivated me, just for my own entertainment. If you count that, I'd probably say Phantom of the Opera was my first – I had a whole ”everyone is a horse because that's what I know how to draw” AU when I was about 10 or so, that I'd draw lots of pictures for. When I was even younger, I used to make up stories for my younger brothers, based on movies and series we had watched together. I've always been a storyteller, one way or another, if only in my own head. I wouldn't know how not to.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I would have to say Heaven Has A Road, even though it's still unfinished. It's the first work of that sheer scope I have ever attempted by myself, and I'm honestly insanely proud of myself for what I have accomplished already!

Second would be TPBoD – The Renegades. Even though that was a shared effort, it's a very long fic that we managed to bring all the way to its intended conclusion, and I'm very proud of that, too!

Plus there are bits of both these fics I really like, and that I will go back and read for my own enjoyment occasionally.

tagging: @orodrethsgeek, @ebonykain, @fromaliminalspace, @chigrima, @soawen

[edelweissashes]

Surface level with so much back in place not much looks too changed but I have 3 bags here of stuff that was there before

More school things went away today, most of that

1- some wigs I wore around for cosplay and also just for fun. I didn’t have a ton of social awareness so it was just nice to walk around with it

2- so much schoolwork good gods. There is a whole other separate bag not in the count almost fully filled with old work and workbooks- I was saving it just in case I needed to know a certain equation in math or formula in science for some reason but I don’t really have a use for that now

3- a bunch of wall pictures. They were wonderful, the trend a few years back I believe. I’d like some other kinds of art up there now, but I shall miss them dearly. The wall looks so empty, a corner of nothingness it’s truly odd. But that leaves room for more to be

4- my extra fabric and unfinished projects. I held onto so many things for years with the false promise of finishing them later. It is okay to admit you never will. I had so much guilt because I didn’t want to get rid of something I started, but sometimes, getting rid of it is for the best. It’s like a weight lifted off the shoulders after so long.

there is not all things gone though! There are some things I found that I forgot I had and plan to find a use for them

1- 10 pounds of assorted beads- somehow I lost this. Any suggestions on what to do with these? I am thrilled I have this but it’s going to take forever to get through, what an adventure though

2- my blanket bin. I had a whole bin of like 4 or 5!! Out of sight out of mind and I just forgot they existed. Now I have blankets to go with my millions of pillows I refuse to throw out because I want people to be cozy

3- wrapping paper. Not substantial or anything but I had been looking for some to wrap things and didn’t want to go buy some. How convenient! Thank you good sir from last year

4- a music hat, I completely forgot I had this. it’s not the most comfortable but it is quite nice to have around if I want to use it. It’s a hat that has little speakers next to your ears you can connect Bluetooth with

what a week this is with the room cleaning, I’m far from done in terms of finishing the whole thing but with this part I am nearing an end

Any suggestions on what to do with so many beads? Or how to make a room more cozy perhaps?

I’d be happy to hear anything from anyone, I always am

Too much stuff

sad thing but it is a lot of things

before the end of the year I’m going to clean out a room

it’ll be slow and many days but I’ll mourn each piece

all are being donated though to a few places so it will go somewhere good if they have a use for it

some have emotional attachment, some not

Rest in peace list for tonight with the emotional attachment:

1- 25 foot (measured) light blue scarf with pockets I made in middle school and never got rid of

2- 32 foot (also measured) patchwork doctor who scarf with gears sewn on

Don’t ask why I made them- I got really chilly that’s why idk

3- a large stack of hats I slowly collected from many places just in case I needed them- I don’t wear hats anymore (minus winter)

4- 3 neat looking jars I bought to put around the room, I no longer have any room to put things

5- my cup of drawer handles I was going to add to my dresser but never got around to it and the dresser was replaced before I could but couldn’t bring myself to throw out an unfinished project

6- my little notepad I kept notes and drawings in for quarantine while going mad (I’m throwing this one out but I wouldn’t let myself for years in fear of forgetting)

[beethovenus]

CompleteInfinity's Underswap Review

Howdy! My name is Beethovenus, and today I'm doing a review of the unfinished Fazyswap demo build that was publicly released on February 21, 2021.

CompleteInfinity's Underswap (also known as Fazyswap), was an UNDERTALE fan-game based on the team's interpretation of the Underswap AU. It combined attributes of both Undertale and canon Underswap, most notably character personalities, while also utilizing original ideas--for instance, Chara and Asriel were swapped, and the playable protagonist was a human with the Perseverance SOUL, named Eva.

The project began in early 2018 (dated August 12th), and boasted tons of new features: original characters, a spells system, entirely new areas, side quests, and more.

Unfortunately, the project was cancelled after a little over 2 years in development.

This was initially announced on February 12, 2021 through the project's Discord server--but was later publicly cancelled via GameJolt, on February 21st. This came with a comprehensive post detailing the reasons behind its cancellation, and providing a series of assets from development: sprites and artwork, writing and character documents, and the last playable build of the demo.

This final playable build is what I'll be doing a review on!

However, please keep in mind that this project has been cancelled, and this build is not indicative of what would have been a final release. I'll be taking this into account during my own review--any criticisms won't be directed towards the developers, but as general tips and advice for people who go about making their own projects.

Also, a few things! First, I'm sure that there are things I'll have missed in my review. Second, I'm an INCREDIBLY nitpicky person. Third, I apologize if anything comes off as incohesive, I had a bit of trouble writing out my thoughts in full and stringing everything together!

Get ready, because this is a long review...!

THE INTRO:

Starting off with the introduction sequence: I really liked it!

It was initially really cool with how it tied into UNDERTALE's intro, but ended up feeling too brief and kind of unnecessary. The new introduction is long enough as-is, and does the job of explaining the story. Due to this, the UNDERTALE thing feels kind of tacked on, and doesn't really seem to serve any purpose story-wise.

The art for the intro sequence is absolutely stunning, and I don't think it's too detailed. The music is coordinated effectively with the visuals, and helps set up the story really well--though, I feel the music could have used some different instruments, as it felt a bit unfitting at the end.

SPLASH SCREEN:

The splash screen was really neat during my initial playthrough!

Its visual presentation needed some polish, but was nice and flashy. However, I felt that its flashiness sacrificed replayability--the player isn't able to skip the splash screen, unlike the intro.

It goes on for way too long, making the player wait for the "Press Z to start!" text to fade in completely in order to progress. It becomes incredibly annoying when starting up the game multiple times--like I did, since I encountered multiple softlocks.

MAIN MENU:

The main menu is absolutely gorgeous--in terms of artistic design, its layout, and the music. I feel that it could have used some SFX when going between options, in order to pair well with the visual presentation.

My only major critique is that "New Game" should NOT be above "Continue," because the player can accidentally press it. Make that the second option, or replace it with "Reset" once there's an active SAVE file, for consistency with lore and such.

GENERAL STUFF:

This section's going to be a list of my general thoughts on certain things:

The borders are absolutely beautiful! I didn't have any issues with these, since UNDERTALE also had higher-quality borders for its console releases.

The main menu's border (while probably a placeholder) was significantly lower res than the others, and covered part of the screen. NEVER have borders obscure the game window, and always have consistency!

The eight-directional walking, akin to EarthBound/Mother, is really cool! Nothing seemed off with it here, or detrimental to the gameplay/visual aesthetic.

I feel like there's a discrepancy between the environment and character art, with the environment having a higher level of detail. Make sure to be consistent! Either make the character art more detailed, or the environment art less detailed.

The sprint mechanic is neat, but I don't like how long it takes to recharge--nor how you can't see the bar recharging. I'd recommend having the bar recharge much faster than it depletes, and to always be on-screen unless it's full. I also recommend having it refresh between rooms.

The base movement speed seems much slower than Undertale's, which the sprint mechanic DOES compensate for--but its current iteration makes walking in the overworld a little tedious.

The sprint feature allows you to walk in front of Asgore. Take into account how sprinting will affect interactions with the overworld and characters--have them react appropriately, or ditch sprint.

The custom menu design was nice, though the Tem Flakes description went outside of the description box. Make sure to take into account text space with menu designs! You'll either need to have VERY simple descriptions, or rework the layout.

I thought it was odd that the game used dialogue portraits and names--it seems a little redundant, since you can see who you're talking to.

I disliked how the treasure chests automatically closed, as it can be confusing for the player. It makes them need to re-check every chest to know if they've opened it--keep them open!

SNOWFUL FOREST:

I loved how different the first area was from Undertale's Ruins! The starting point effectively showed the player where to go, and made them question what was beyond the blocked off path. The area's atmosphere--established by the environment art, ambient SFX, and music--was excellent, and gave me a feeling of isolation and desolate coldness.

I liked the inclusion of the sprinting puzzle to introduce the mechanic, but it needed more development. The game never tells the player what button to press to sprint, and the puzzle's sign associates "faster" with the color cyan--which, in UNDERTALE, is associated with not moving, as opposed to orange. You need to explain which buttons to press for mechanics!

I loved the tension of the fake-out Game Over screen! However, I have some issues:

The sequence is a PAIN for replayability, since you can't skip text and it lingers on too much.

It didn't make much sense to have the SOUL shatter, since Asgore saves you. This makes the fake-out Game Over screen feel forced.

Having everything freeze frame as the icicle is about to hit the SOUL would have been much better--a moment of pure panic, where everything slows down. The text from the Game Over screen would still play out, and then Asgore comes in and saves you.

Asgore's introduction was great! He felt well-written, and I loved Temmie skittering off in the background. It made me laugh! Walking up to the castle with him was also nice, though it was difficult to actually take in the exterior. You need to let the player see the eye candy! This could have been fixed through having Asgore say "here we are!" as you approach, and then the camera view shifts, with Eva looking up at the grandness of the castle.

I really wish that this area had been developed more, as its current iteration felt way too short and underdeveloped. Different instances of this include:

Its treatment as both a short introductory area, and a semi-major location--complete with its own aesthetic border, music track, and Deltarune-esque music title. I really liked all of these, don't get me wrong! The area just didn't feel "major" enough for them.

Its lack of meaningful puzzles. There was only a single puzzle which served to introduce the sprinting mechanic, and that was it. Perhaps there could have been 1-2 more to build upon this knowledge?

Temmie nor Asgore are given enough interactions to really help build them as characters, or establish them as memorable. Temmie talks to the player a few times, disappearing in between. Asgore saves the player from danger, introduces himself, then disappears until you follow him down the lengthy path to his castle.

I feel Temmie could have had more of a presence, trying to befriend you in an attempt to get your guard down. I also wish I could have seen them actually moving around the area, kind of like how Asgore briefly does!

Asgore could have warmed you up (due to the cold), commented on the puzzle you completed, remarked on the blocked path, spoken to you as you walked along, and maybe have helped you across the broken bridge's gap.

The rooms are mostly empty and not very engaging, which as an introductory area, this does not help engage the player with this world. This especially hurts with the backtracking as you follow Asgore to the castle path.

There didn't seem to be a genuine reason why Asgore ventured out and discovered you. Perhaps he took notice of the blocked path while strolling, and then came across Eva's footprints?

TEMMIE:

Right off the bat, I felt that Temmie using the word "greetings" made it way too obvious that they were Chara. This is in the context of an Undertale AU fan-game, where the target audience already knows all about these characters--making this a dead giveaway. It worked with Undertale ("Howdy!"), because we didn't know who Flowey or Asriel were. Use subtlety!

I've already mentioned how Temmie does not feel very developed as a character, and how I feel that could be improved. However, there are a few more things I'd like to point out.

First, I noticed there was an inconsistency between Temmie's dialogue, and what's written on the Tem Shop signs--while they speak in a normal manner, the signs have "derp speak" text. Rather than some sort of "act," it felt like these signs were written by a different character altogether. Make sure to be consistent with this kind of thing!

The Tem Shop itself was really cute, with well-done art! I wish that it had more of a prominence, though, as it only exists to give you a single item and it's very off to the side. The room is also a bit too large, considering there's nothing else in it.

I absolutely LOVED how ominous Temmie leading you towards the cave felt--especially with the intent of misleading and killing you. The idea of misdirection also really fits well with Chara as Temmie, considering they're not just going to outright go and murder you, but gain your trust and then strike. When you get into the cave, though, I feel like Temmie should have been the central focus in the room since the chest stands out a lot more--you could argue this is because Temmie wants you to focus on the chest, but considering the lack of interaction with them, they should have been more prominent.

THE CASTLE:

God, I loved the music of the castle. It's really nice-sounding and fits with the area, though I felt it had too many character motifs crammed into it. While the environment art mostly suffered from the same over-detailedness as Snowful Forest--when compared to the character and other overworld object sprites--I found the color palette and overall design to be very aesthetically pleasing.

Having the one Loox as "Asgore's knight" was such a cute idea! I just wish that Asgore had actually interacted with his "knight," considering he's a friendly old goober and wouldn't just ignore them. While this is an incomplete build, I hope that they planned to have more than just one knight--otherwise it would have a missed opportunity for more character interactions, and worldbuilding for the area.

When it comes to the SAVE text, I feel that "fills you with PERSEVERANCE" is nice, but doesn't make sense in terms of Undertale's DETERMINATION lore. Perseverance is a SOUL trait, and not the substance which grants the player (and other humans) the ability to SAVE and LOAD.

While this section of the demo hadn't been fully written out, I liked Temmie's reappearance by the SAVE point! I think it would have been nice if they made you question Asgore's intentions, still trying to get you on their side, before disappearing into the hole.

While the first puzzle wasn't completed, based on the unlit candles and the "only the brightest may proceed" sign text, I'm under the impression that Asgore was supposed to light the candles to open the door!

If this was the case, I think that is very clever! Though, I'm not sure how anyone but Asgore is supposed to complete this puzzle--especially considering his Loox knight, standing guard at the entrance.

I absolutely ADORED this part, where Asgore actually helps you complete the puzzle by stepping on the other pressure plate. Character interactions like these are important, and help enforce their presence in the story.

I also liked how, after completing the puzzle, Asgore walks out of view and the player isn't able to move. This rectifies the earlier issue of how, with the sprint mechanic, the player is able to move faster than him and mess with sequences.

The next three puzzles are where I feel an issue of this area begins to present itself--introducing one puzzle mechanic after another, without expanding upon them.

Now, this first puzzle isn't too much of an offender with that. It's simply pushing a rock--and while I feel there could have been a sign telling the player to use "Z" to push rocks, it introduces that game mechanic. The player can then backtrack (at least, in a hypothetical finished build--the puzzles reset, so you can't backtrack) to apply this knowledge in order to get a treasure chest.

This is good game design--introducing a mechanic, and then expanding upon it! However, Asgore is nowhere to be found, and completely abandons the player for three rooms.

While I like the second puzzle's incorporation of Undertale's Bridge Seeds, they're used way too early for another mechanic to be introduced.

The third room seems like it would have been an overworld dodging mechanics introduction, complete with an axe swinging from the ceiling. Not only does it seem odd that Asgore would have this active (unless someone else re-activated it), but it's also way too early to introduce yet another mechanic.

I can't help but wonder if these two rooms were supposed to be placed later on, or if they were intended to be here. If the former was the case, then this makes no sense gameplay and pacing-wise. It overwhelms the player by introducing too many mechanics at once, and not expanding upon them--especially in such close proximity to the magic & fighting tutorial.

Always make sure to introduce a simple mechanic, give the player time to learn it, and then expand upon that knowledge before introducing other new mechanics.

The very end of the build included an unfinished room, which seems like it would have served as the introduction to the new spells system--and subsequently, a battle tutorial to make use of it. Unfortunately, that's it!

UPDATE (3/26/2021)

Apparently, there’s a LOT more to this demo! I wasn’t aware because it seemed the spells tutorial would always result in a softlock, and it didn’t explain how to progress further. I was able to find a tutorial that explains which specific bugs to avoid, and how to progress throughout each room.

It’s still incomplete and lacking a lot of polish, but much like before, there’s a lot of really neat concepts I would have loved to see developed further.

I’m probably going to update this review in the future with everything I had played up until the very end (including some earlier criticisms I had in this post). Until then, though, here’s a video playthrough of the entirety of the unfinished demo by jayonicblaze.

(Disclaimer: this is a modded version of the demo, where it seems the intro frames, Temmie dialogue portraits, and Eva menu sprite have all been “colorized.” This is not indicative of the cancelled project, but cosmetic changes. The gameplay and other visuals are unaffected.)

---

I feel like that's really all I have to say here. Overall, while CompleteInfinity's Underswap demo was not finished, I still really enjoyed the concepts it made use of. My biggest issues had to deal with pacing, character interactions, replayability issues, and underdeveloped concepts--but despite everything, I had fun playing. I'm saddened to see that this project won't continue, considering the amount of promise it had, and love that went into it.

If you’d like to check out this playable build, and the rest of the project’s now-public assets, go check out their GameJolt post with all of them!

[halfrest]

* camila mendes, cis woman + she/her  | you know juliana “jules” paes, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, almost one year? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to god must be doing cocaine by charlotte lawrence like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole playlist curated specifically for making boxed mac and cheese at 3 am, the ‘are you still watching?’ screen on your ex’s netflix that you continue to use, and equating the one-time purchase of a zucchini to getting your life together thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 9th, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. 

pinterest.

not the eldest child, but the eldest daughter, juliana (who purely goes by jules) was born third followed by five younger siblings for a total of eight. it was a packed house, especially since both parents had their siblings nearby (they all lived in one borough of new york city or another). not a bad arrangement in terms of the company kept. her best friends were her cousins. her family was close enough. the only thing was that jules was everybody’s second mother. when it came to the final three kids, she raised them as much as her parents did. oldest brother was the obvious favorite, got married young (now nieces and nephews piled in), went off to become a doctor and second son went off the rails a bit, although he was doted over and eventually ended up working with dad at a very exciting insurance company. jules doesn’t remember much of her childhood, but she remembers changing diapers, making lunches, going to soccer games and driving a car full of children as soon as she got her license. that didn’t mean jules was exempt from other responsibility because her parents wanted to see her succeed too and since they had a doctor in the family, why not a lawyer or engineer. girl was expected to juggle everything with ease but ofc that’s impossible unless you have superpowers and i’m afraid to report that juliana did not.

anxiety tw / anxiety initially kept her on track, needing to get assignments done before due dates, having her schedule perfectly coordinated and it worked throughout high school, somewhat throughout college, although panic attacks became more prevalent and then into her first year at law school, it just didn’t work for her anymore. total breakdown. she chose herself over expectations she couldn’t meet, although that didn’t mean she was going to show up back home as a failure. jules withdrew from school and went out to irving where her best friend from the city (shoutout willa) had ended up at and lied to her family all about it. / end tw

it’s hard to know where to go in life when you swerve off the road in front of you and realize that you had been living for other people. basically jules doesn’t rly know what the fuck it means to live for yourself. the only thing she’s settled is that she will continue to lie to her family and say that she’s still at law school even though she hasn’t been in months. she tries not to think about that too much tho bc that would just lead to another spiral. has no direction, no plan, no money atm but in the same vein of things, jules has never been so relieved in her life. she’s managing. there are days when she just stays in her room (terrible roommate btw, never pays rents on time, has elaborate excuses, who will tolerate her?) in her dark just not wanting to do anything (depression<3) but don’t worry by friday night she’s shaking her ass at scuba to some nelly song. duality of (wo)man. 

other facts and things include being an avid fan of watching bad movies and leaving letterboxd reviews, giving apologies in the form of any item off the mcdonalds value menu, buying a ridiculous piece of clothing or whatever bc it’s what makes her happy at the moment (maybe a cow patterned bikini is what she truly needs to reach inner peace — a small price for some serotonin), alternating between periods of great productivity and well nothingness (meaning tons of unfinished projects and plans), ability to sleep anywhere, giving unsolicited opinions, coming up with the Perfect Plan which ends up not being perfect, talking too much and last but not least.......having fun.<3

holds ur hand if u got to the end of this. i might come up w some wc but we know who i am as a person so let’s cut thru the bs. if u would like a plot w jules 1st of all i love u 2nd of all jst message me and i’ll come up w a silly little plot for us. it’ll be beautiful n sexy. that also applies to my other characters. suddenly disappears in a cloud of smoke.

[maxwellatoms]

The Dead Meat Script (from the Quarantine Book Club)

TL;DR: Here’s the link:

https://documentcloud.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn%3Aaaid%3Ascds%3AUS%3A9e2aa451-e04a-433a-b76f-a47f295aadcf

And here’s more about the script and the project, if you’re so inclined:

Remember that time I tried to make a movie about a dog in quarantine and a society that runs on toilet paper?

Back in the decidedly quaint year of 2013, I was suffering through a bad career move. And a messy breakup. My world seemed to be coming apart at the seams. I didn't know where my next job was coming from, and all of the prospects looked bleak. So I decided to break myself out of my rut and just make something. I then proceeded to drive myself insane for the next seven years.

I wrote Dead Meat as a satirical take on action movies at the time, the decay of American society in general, and my own self-loathing. Some of the jokes weathered the years better than others, and every year or so I'd go over the script to see how I felt about it. What you're seeing here is the most “final” version I produced.

Honestly, not much changed from the original 2013 draft. I did one big addition pass in 2016 because the script was only 88 pages at that point, and I wanted to make sure that I broke the 75 minute barrier for home video. I also felt like Dead Meat and Suzuki's relationship was a little anemic, and (like the violence) I felt like it was very important for the relationship to feel real. Or as real as you'd want a relationship between a woman and a puppet to feel. So I added the scene with Suzuki and Dead Meat talking in the bus while heck is sleeping. That later led to the Black Mirror, which made Suzuki's struggle more visual than it had in the early drafts.

The electoral college joke was a jab at the 2000 election. It's probably important to remember that this was all written before 2016. And before Fury Road. And before the Happytime Murders and the current glut of post-apocalyptic ultra-violent comedies and real-life people hoarding toilet paper. Anyway, the Electoral College line was going to stay until I could see it in context, and then I'd decide it I needed to cut it. The goal was to be subversively satirical, and not painfully on-the-nose. This dilemma would recur in another dozen forms over the course of the production.

What would have been shocking and uncomfortable revelations are now probably pretty pedestrian. Heck(!), I mean the whole thing starts out with a torture scene. At the time, it was a reaction to a smattering of torture scenes that started to crop up in late night dramas like “24”. Now I don't think I can even turn on a teen CW show without seeing someone tied to a chair getting their fingers cut off. We've become as desensitized as the characters in the story, so I think that some of the impact has been lost.

“Bieberism” has been through a lot of iterations. It's unlikely that Justin Bieber would've made it all the way through production. The idea was that there's this other wasteland religion based on some appropriately dopey celebrity. That's another decision that would've been made in the final days of shooting to make sure that the gag was relevant. But hey.. The Biebs is on a comeback, so who knows?

When I read Dead Meat now... I still feel things. Assuming you read it, hopefully you will too. I'm releasing it to the internet today because... well, because I may as well. We're all trapped at home (stay home you bozos), and if this script can bring a chuckle to even a few people, I'll take it!

As most of you know, Dead Meat became too expensive in terms of money and personal time for me to complete on my own, so while I do plan to make the trailer and hopefully sell the idea somewhere, this is as good as it's gonna get. At least during Quarantine.

As always, thanks for sticking with me!

ENHANCING YOUR MEAT:

If you do decide to read it and want the “Premium Experience”, here are a few tips:

MUSIC:

This is all fantasy now, but I was going to try to license two songs. One for the opening credits and one for the end.

When you get to the “DEAD MEAT TITLES” on Page One, play “Bloodstains (original)” by Agent Orange, and then stop playing it right in the middle of the crazy scream.

When you get to the top of the last page, start playing “You Make Lovin' Fun” by Fleetwood Mac. There's no way I could afford that song, but since we're just fantasizing... I think Mick will forgive us.

VISUALS:

I have a ton of stills and gifs on my Tumblr, though Tumblr's admittedly a slog. I'll try to find some time in the coming weeks to get a collection of pics and gifs together. What you won't see is what I was planning for the color correction. I wanted to have the tone be a fairly typical green, de-saturated wasteland most of the time. But when the violence kicked in, so would the color. A lot of the environments (including my kitchen) were designed to support this idea.

And the violence itself was meant to be rough. Like... fucking horrific. I felt like we needed to see just how awful the world had become, and just how blasé' everyone was about it. I wanted the final battle to reach “Dead Alive” levels of gore.

There are a lot of other things you won't “see” in the script. There's no mention of a couple of the characters pitched in the Kickstarter (like Mew-Tant) because they were going to have ad-libbed dialog during the action scenes. As with my animated projects, I like to give the actors room to play. Potentially any of the dialog or action in the script could've been replaced with some brilliant moment ad-libbed by the actors. There are also some purely visual moments that exist only in the storyboard or in the unfinished footage. Like any project, Dead Meat grew beyond what was on the printed page.

I guess I'm just saying... As long as you're using your imagination, imagine big. ;)

As always, if you have any questions about Dead Meat or screenwriting or the dangers of independent filmmaking... you know where to find me!

XO,

Maxwell

[n-0-e-m-i]

I’d like to nominate (?) for @everlarkficbackfriday​ some of the great everlark fics I’ve read so far, that are currently unfinished (in no partucular order):

The Project by Ronja

Summary:

Katniss and Peeta were never reaped. During their last year of school they end up partnered for a special project. Slow burn AU and a coming of age story of sorts. Rated M for possible future content.

The slowest of burns. This fic is great! It’s currently 35 chapters and 303462 words long and they haven’t even kissed yet, but it’s so well written and the development of everkark is very realistic in terms of pace and the’re really really cute together 

Love Throughout the Ages by abk1973

Summary:

Katniss Everdeen has just completed her PhD at Oxford and decides to head north to Scotland before heading home. Where she travels to and who she meets will change her and the fate of a clan forever. This is an Everlark fanfic with a little bit of Outlander thrown in. Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This one got me into watching Outlander and then I realized that it’s better than Outlander (I don’t care for gritty shows or scenes at all, I just want to see the period clothes and speech).

The Endless In-Between by Panem, soamazinghere, wincechesters

Summary:

In 2007, Primrose Everdeen vanished without a trace. Since then, her sister Katniss has put her own life on hold, stuck in a rut and unable to move on without knowing what happened to Prim. But with the help of first year detective Peeta Mellark, Katniss may discover more than just the answers to her sister’s disappearance. Modern Everlark AU inspired by The Lovely Bones.

This is not the type of fic I would normally go for, but it’s. so. good.

Quicksilver by Gamemakers

Summary:

Dearest Diary, Two events of note occurred today. First, I realized that Peeta Mellark, who just yesterday I considered an ally and possible friend, is an irredeemable prat. Second, I became betrothed to him.

London, 1793. After a life spent on her family’s country estate, the time has finally come for the Everdeen sisters to be introduced to the London elite. Katniss will do anything to ensure her younger sister does not fall into the wrong hands, but surrounded by strangers, she has no way of judging Prim’s many suitors’ intentions. Enter Peeta Mellark, the youngest brother of the Earl of Panem and a longtime fixture of the ton. He seems the perfect ally, but Peeta has intentions of his own, and Katniss’ spinsterhood may not be as safe as she believes.

Have I mentioned that I love period fics? Because I do. Katniss defying social norms is my jam

One Year and One Day by PatriziaNordsee

Summary:

When one day Katniss found a young man in the meadow she had no idea that this would change her life. He was skinny, and wounded. He needed work and help. Katniss offered him a place in her household. For one year and one day he would be protected by her and her family and work with them. After that year he would be a free citizen of their town. What she didn't could know - she would found her soulmate in him.

This one has a bit of fairytale-like magic a few chapters in, and so far I’m loving every word of it!

Honorable mentions 

These are less than one year old, but too good not to be included on this list

Unmasked by M

Everlark Fic Exchange. Prompt 88

Historical Katniss and Peeta hate each other. They attend a masquerade ball and for some reason end up kissing each other. Sparks fly everywhere. Katniss tries to find the man behind the mask but Peeta knows it was Katniss though he doesnt say anything. They end up bethrothed even if they 'despise' each other. How they fall in love is up to u and how katniss figured out it was peeta is up to u

The last exchange had great fics, but to me this one takes the cake (told ya, period fic Katniss is my jam -- also, I love any and all variations of enemies to friends to lovers (in this case I guess it’s enemies to spouses to friends to lovers, wich is even more fun to read))

Geometry by dandeliononfire

Summary:

Peeta finds himself married to Katniss as the result of a bargain struck between his father and her dying mother. The road forward is unclear, painful, but also Bittersweet. Can Peeta solve the Geometry of how their lives are meant to fit together? Canon-divergent; neither Prim nor Peeta were reaped for the 74th Games.

This Katniss is so conflicted and confusing! She and Peeta never seem to be on the same page, but I guess that’s what makes it such a great story to read

Spellbound by katnissdoesnotfollowback (lost_on_cloud_9)

Summary:

Katniss and Primrose Everdeen lead a simple life, sustained by a shop in a small town and a thriving online business that sells herbal remedies they concoct themselves. They share a lovely home in the woods, isolated from others, where they can be safe, only a cat and a cranky ghost living in the shed behind the abandoned house next door as company. Until a young man moves in next door, intending to restore it and live in it. Primrose just wants a friend and her sister’s happiness. Haymitch just wants to live his afterlife in peace. Katniss wants to get rid of the intruder and keep her sister and herself safe from anyone who might fear what they really are. Witches.

This Katniss is so obstinate! It’s funny to see how Peeta is winning her over and she can’t even see it

Yep, that was a long one! I hope whoever reads it takes the time to check out these fics, they’re all great ones! And I sincerely wish the authors find their muse/motivation/incentive/time to finish them one day, hopefully.

[makerkenzie]

Either way, I’m allowed to judge.

More half-ass defenses of D&D butchering GOT:

1. “It’s not GRRM’s work, it’s their story to write.”

AND

2. “They only had bullet points!”

Before I get started, let me warn you that I’m saying this as a novelist. I am nowhere near GRRM, but I have written and released completed novels and I have seen what people have to say about them. I know what kind of work goes into telling a complete and coherent story. I know it because I’ve done it. I’m not saying all this as someone who thinks making fiction is no big deal. 

It’s one or the other.

If they’re under no obligation to honor GRRM’s vision of ASOIAF, then the “bullet points” are irrelevant. They have space to fill in the bullet points on their own terms, and we’re allowed to criticize how well they did so. They have license to discard the bullet points on their own terms, and we’re allowed to assess their work as original storytelling. If it’s their story to tell, nobody gets to blame GRRM for giving them too little information.

WHEREAS,

If the idea is for them to stick to the source material, then we’re allowed to assess how well they’ve done so. We can look at what they did when they were still working with the AGOT-ADWD timespan. We can look at what GRRM’s been saying since then. We’re allowed to have a conversation on how much of GOT was actually based on ASOIAF. 

(And we can also complain about GRRM taking his sweet time with The Winds of Waiting, but then he didn’t hold a gun to anyone’s head and MAKE them adapt his unfinished series. It was HBO’s decision to back D&D’s plan of making a TV show based on a book series whose ending wasn’t available. There were and are many, many finished stories that could be adapted for TV. They’ve made an exponential shit-ton of money off GRRM’s framework without his ending. He didn’t make them do anything they didn’t want to do.)

We can look at GOT as an interpretation of GRRM’s work, OR we can treat it as D&D’s story to tell, and either way, the work is subject to criticism. If we look at it as original storytelling and it comes across as rushed and incoherent at best*, we’re allowed to say so. If we look at it as a treatment of ASOIAF and it doesn’t add up, we’re allowed to say so. 

While I’m at it, this excuse of “well they had to do too much story in too little time” doesn’t hold water. They really...didn’t have to rush the ending. GRRM himself has repeatedly said the show could’ve done a couple more seasons. You fucking know we would’ve happily watched GOT for as many more years as it took the story to do what it needed to do. You know HBO would’ve been happy to keep on milking that cash cow. (I mean they ARE still milking the cash cow by making spin-offs.) If D&D tried to tell too much story in too little time, that’s on them. If they were just fucking exhausted and wanted a chance to do other things, that’s understandable and it’s on them. Would it have been unprecedented to, I don’t know...pass the project on to other showrunners? Would it really be impossible for HBO to choose other people to take the reins? And if such a thing really is unprecedented, then...that doesn’t get D&D off the hook. If the story sucks because they didn’t have the stamina to keep doing the work, it still sucks and we’re allowed to say so.

*I still say it’s much too generous to judge the GOT conclusion as “rushed.” It’s nowhere near accountable enough for a rush job. Season 7 may have been a rush job. The first half of Season 8 was a rush job. The second half was an abuse of talent and prestige.

[comicteaparty]

May 23rd-May 29th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from May 23rd, 2020 to May 29th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

If someone came to you for advice about starting their first comic, what would you tell them?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

The biggest hurdle I see beginner comic creators (including myself) struggling with is the fear to begin because they "aren't good enough yet." I would tell them to just start. The best way to learn how to make comics is to make comics. You can always go back and fix old pages. Or you don't even have to. The improvement throughout your work can be encouraging. So I say, just begin.(edited)

carcarchu

know your ending before you begin! so many webcomics start and then have no idea how to continue. at least have some kind of idea of the direction you want to go to and at least a basic outline before you begin. you can always change things but going in without a roadmap is a recipe for disaster

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I would tell them to consider a few things: your desired scope, your current skill levels, and how likely you are to still love the project months or years later. I didn’t start with a small scope, so I can’t tell people to keep it simple no matter what, but it absolutely helps. Doing a short 6-10 page comic as your first thing will totally tell you if this is something you like, or totally hate. Assessing your own skill level is hard, but I try and encourage people to practice anatomy and perspective and other skills before diving right into creating a massive world. I’d encourage them to practice some writing as well. But even the act of creating a comic can help with all that. So, YMMV! And you gotta love what you’re drawing! I didn’t feel comfortable creating a story until my late 20s because I felt I hadn’t settled on something I’d be indefinitely passionate about. My likes and dislikes were still changing so much. If you can look at your idea and pretty confidently say you want to draw this stuff over and over again for years... that’s a very good sign

eliushi [a winged tale]

I find my advice will vary depending on what their vision is for their comic! For instance, if it’s a short form, I would recommend looking at different styles and experimental storytelling to find ways to best explore their work. For a long form I would advise as y’all have done so as well: start and keep going to improve. Have an ending in mind. Know the basics of character/plot and storytelling; essentially if you know the rules then you are more easily able to break them in an informed way. Most importantly is to have fun drawing, have fun with friends, have fun sharing your work

I guess sort of as a follow up... did you all receive any advice before starting your comic?

carcarchu

i didn't ask anyone in particular but the advice i read before starting mirrored what has been said so far

the advice about just starting and not being afraid is probably what helped the most

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I was told to make my first comic shorter... but with the caveat that if I absolutely could not, it was okay to try a long-form one from the get-go

carcarchu

another thing that i often tell people looking to start is that comic making is actually a gigantic time sink and requires a LOT of discipline. a lot of people i talk to really don't realize how much of a time investment it is. i don't want to dissuade anyone by telling them this but it's important to realize

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I agree with lazuli! Right now I'm actually feeling more motivation for my long comic than my short story.( I will absolutely finish both though)(edited)

carcarchu

x2 agree with claire, i've realized i'm not good at short stories

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've been asked this question before, about first comics. I always say the most important thing is to draw what you like, for yourself.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Short stories are hard! I’m often jealous of all the marvelous one-shot comics on twitter, telling an affecting story in such little time. I often wonder if my own stuff will ever be half as successful in the emotions department. Short stuff is easier to digest but requires a ton of skill to craft well.(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely. Two of my favorite comics are 3 pages and 5 pages long and years later I am still thinking about them.

I think it takes even more skill to craft a compelling story, world, and characters in only a few pages

It is witchcraft, I swear

carcarchu

there was a beautiful short story i read about a cat before, i'll see if i can find it and share it in recs

eliushi [a winged tale]

I think a lot about the unfinished comics! even though they aren’t finished, they still stay with me. Ultimately if you draw comics, it will touch people and people will remember

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've always wanted to do a short story like that but am not a good enough writer yet unfortunately

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Also agree with @Eightfish (Puppeteer) - you must make something for yourself. You can try and tailor it to certain audiences, but don’t stray too much from your own sensibilities. Make a comic that speaks to your soul, and people will feel it.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Pick something you love, you‘ll spent a lot of time on it.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

If you don't love it, who will?

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

And short stories are their own medium with their own rules, needs and patterns; they‘re not interchangable with longform and the otherway round.

That‘s what annoys me about the „start with 8-page shorts!“ advice. It‘ll teach you how to do shorts, not how to do long form. And I‘ve seen so many treating shorts as a stepping stone to „proper“ long-form comics, and that format deserves better.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I do see the merit in that though. There are a lot of unfinished long comics. If you have a good short story, might as well make it first. For me though, they are way harder than long stories.

I did give myself the option to end puppeteer after about 80 pages though

Luckily I fell in love with making it and won't be doing that now

But it was an option

Capitania do Azar

Yeah I'm gonna have to repeat the points already stated. Everytime I get the chance to give advice to a starter, I do focus on the discipline aspect. Webcomics (any comic actually) does take a lot of work and if you wanna make it in the long run you gotta know your pace and you gotta know where you wanna go so you can make the best use of your time

You don't need to have super solid plans but it's good if you know how much time it takes you to make one, five or twenty pages, so you can get organised

And at least in my experience being organised is one of the most important aspects

That, and liking what you do but also allowing it to change because things take time and you will change too

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

^^^I can't reiterate this last point enough

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For sure cap! I spent a lot of time experimenting with art style before starting and I think choosing a simpler but still nice looking (to me) style has been vital for me being as consistent with my comic as I have

Having a schedule was really important to me starting out

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I think I would have said..... MAKE SURE YOU DRAW IN ADVANCE BEFORE POSTING.

I've made this mistake, and I know many people have made this mistake, but it's really easy to get stressed and demotivated when you realize that you might not be drawing as fast as you want...particularly if you're starting out.

So make sure you have buffers so that you can post those updates as consistently as you can.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'd say for my past self that make sure you have.... at least almost everything ironed out for your story first if you want to make a long form comic as your first try because trust me if you don't, you'll end up redrawing the first chapter twice lmao. knowing how it begins and ends, knowing your drawing speed and also recognizing if you're just either motivated to work on it or you're doing it despite motivation. Because those are like the main factors that affect burn out and if you don't watch out, you'll get fucked over from it. have a good sense of your self in terms of your work ethic, and your writing. Art will be supplement for that writing but you're pretty good at least understanding the basics you should be aight Also if you don't feel doing your long story first, you can always make a short story to test waters. but if ya like me and rather just jump making a long ass comic first, go for it lmao

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

I think the biggest advice I'd give would be is to accept what you've already done, kinda related to the "you're good enough to start" advice. A lot of webcomics stall out in the "gotta redraw this to be Good Enough" phase, and it's easy to get caught up in the cycle of redrawing early pages (especially once you get a few years into a comic), but learning to sit back and appreciate early pages for the stage you were when you drew them is important!

also something I don't hear creators talk a lot about, is having a support group. Getting positive responses from strangers from the internet is a rush, but it's not always going to happen, and relying on it isn't a great idea mental health wise. Having a group of friends you can bounce ideas off of and that can support you in your story helps make the lonely art of making comics a little less lonely. I wish I had known about this group sooner because it seems like a really great resource of creators coming together and being supportive!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh yeah that last point especially

like honestly if I didn't met other webcomic creators I probably wouldn't be working in webcomics tbh

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

It's so nice to have outside perspective both for art advice/critique stuff, but also just the general "hey guys drawing pages amiright"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah lmao

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

plus if/when you ever meet up with people at conventions, it's always so nice!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Yeah, I would second that. Starting out I had a really hard time knowing how to take praise from my real world friends who are into my comic. It felt like maybe it wasn't real praise and they only like it because they liked me. But honestly the longer I make comics the more I just want my friends to like them and the less I care about what an internet stranger might think X'D Also, I watched the video on new creator tips that Joichi post in #writing_n_misc_resources last night before bed and those tips are super solid. I think folks have already hit on all of them but writing something you really like and is for you first and foremost and being being prepared for a lot of work are super important. Also, get that buffer!

kayotics

I think this was touched on already but having an idea you’re really passionate about, especially for a long form comic, is kind of essential to keep you going. You gotta keep up momentum for years, not just a few weeks. The thing that helped me, personally, was building my comic in a way that let me end it after the first story, but also let me continue if I liked it. My first chapter was definitely like a pilot for a tv show. If I didn’t want to continue, I’d just stop. But I ended up writing the second chapter before I knew it so I guess it worked out

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I don't have too much new things to add but I agree that webcomics, is a lonesome job on your own. But once I started hanging around this discord, sharing frustrations, comic compliments. The support made a big difference, no longer having to shout in the abyss of Twitter to be heard. I know when you first start out, it's overwhelming. There's so many platforms, do I do color or grayscale? (as it felt that way for me.) The best is to begin small baby steps, write scripts. Draw thumbnails, talk about it with people you trust. Generate ideas and put them on paper. Something I learn, is finding a good group community who raise you up, than put your works down(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Seconding/thirding/etcing about support. Other than that, I really don't have a single advice that I could give to someone starting out. Because it would need to be tailored to their situation. Someone who's in my exact same situation back when I started my first webcomic? They don't need ANY advice honestly. They just need to do it (which they will anyway) and learn from the experience.

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

https://tenor.com/view/doit-gif-5247874

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

(Again, I'm talking about a hypothetical person who's exactly like Younger Me. Not every beginner will "do it anyway.")

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I corrected my definition, as I found out what the topic was about! I thought from everyone's comment, they felt like talking about internal feelings about community spirit.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think that "just do it!!" Attitude is probably what I'll echo, it's what I'd have needed to hear and what I think there's probably the biggest hangup on. I think everyone tries to wait til they're ready, and it's like "you are gonna learn so much so fast and never stop learning once you start making your comic" so just, start learning now! Make changes later. You can't fix something that doesn't exist yet!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

One thing I often think about is when artists completely relaunch their comics once they become a bit more intermediate in skill level. They've improved so much during the creation process that they feel a need to go back and totally start over. I've even run into some comics where they... almost seem in a constant state of relaunch I often wonder about how to encourage new artists to move forward instead of reiterating existing stuff. Or is the reiteration not necessarily a bad thing?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean I guess it's not a bad thing if they're still having fun? Sometimes they're still having a blast; other times it's a form of torturous perfectionism.

Sometimes it's a bit of both, even

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I always frame it as "unless you are rewriting, don't redraw."

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I have seen a redrawn comic go well only once

Deo101 [Millennium]

Cause if it's just to fix your art but nothing is really fundamentally changing, then you'll get stuck in a loop I think

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

and that comic kept updating latest pages while redrawing the first ones

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I've seen people do that. Where it's not a rebooot that basically stays the same, just a revamp of old stuff.

I could see myself doing that eventually tbh.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The guy had very messy art in the beginning. Not bad art, he just didn't put much effort into it. The comic just evolved into something way bigger and more professional than he'd expected so he went and made the first pages professional looking as well

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup Cause conics make your art improve so fast, every 50 pages you'll feel like your first one has sooo much wrong with it! So you can't get stuck just remaking pages

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Deo I don't think your first pages are any impediment to new readers. I have noticed a ton of art evolution though :0

Deo101 [Millennium]

Unless, yeah, you are rewriting and need the content on the pages to be different.

Yeah they might not be impeding but they're uglyyyyy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I didn't notice your art changing much while reading your comic but then i went back to the first page and, woah.

big difference

Deo101 [Millennium]

It would be smth like way off in the future though if I did do it. It's not currently in my plans

I'd rather make new pages and new comics

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

has anyone ever commented on your art evolution?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah my art has changed uhhh a lot LOL I think maybe a couple times? I don't have a good memory

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I think it's probably different for everyone. Personally, I don't think really believe in going back and redoing stuff, but I also say that as someone who just spent the last year redrawing most of my first five chapters. For me, Ive always wanted to print my comic, and I felt a lot of self-created pressure to have my first book look really good. Because it's going to be new readers first introduction to the series and if I don't feel 100% proud of it, sell it to other people was going to be impossible. I kind of just felt embarrassed by my old art and writing(some of it was like 8 years old and hadn't aged well). And also if I was going to use up resources to print something, then it should be the best version of that thing. But on the other hand, redoing the old stuff has also made me really sad that I haven't been able to move forward with new chapters. I definitely second Deo. And I also think you have to know where to draw the line. Like "ok, I'm going to redraw this once and then not again" or "I'm going to redraw up to X point and call it good. I think can be a really easy perfectionist trap and time sink if you aren't careful.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it is also hard to get your existing audience to follow the same story twice

OH, webtoons features are rebooted comics oftentimes

I guess that counts as going well!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, since getting featured by Webtoons is kinda like going print; it's a form of getting Published

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah. For this other comic I've not launched yet, I've redrawn the intro 4 times. The intro onky takes like, 20 hours absolute max (latest) but I still find myself looking at it and thinking.. I could have been making new stuff :/ BUT! I did rewrite it every time so it did need to change. I should have just waited to start it til I could commit more so there wasn't a year between each intro

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But since webtoons features update so fast I don't really mind following the same story again. Lone is already almost to where the canvas version was

Deo101 [Millennium]

And yeah wt features need to reboot for a lotta reasons, there's also probably a lot of times like. At least lengthening updates to fit the requirements

They're not necessarily redrawing it, too. They just have to post from the beginning which totally makes sense

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm giving myself a mantra, don't redraw, don't look back. Just move on with what you got. There's chapters I want to cover. It's just years ago, I had constant panic that the story's theme was going to change as it went, so I 'must' change the first chapter to suit the general overview of the story. But it resulted in me burning out and being self destructive to my work. I'm going to take better care of myself(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i think most redraw significantly though

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I mean, wouldn't u?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'd have to! My whole story is only like. 20 webtoons updates?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Truuu

If that, 40 panels.. a page is like usually around 5

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

agreed on redraw hell. tried it and I didn't like it at all lmaO

I'm kinda glad I have a good footing on my current comic and I don't want to redraw it at all unless it's adapted for something else. still like

work what you have, if you can orz

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

"Don't look back" is hard when you feel like the first X pages are dragging all the future pages down with them. I agree that you need to draw a line (no pun intended), set some criteria

The thing Eightfish mentioned -- not so bad that it'd deter new readers -- is a very useful criterion IMO

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

if you must, i wonder if redrawing the first scene would be okay?

Just as a taste of what's to come for new readers

Deo101 [Millennium]

Do you think they would notice the difference in quality and question that?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip maybe

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've read a long webcomic where only the first chapter was redrawn, and when I got to the second chapter and saw an immediate drop in quality, I knew what exactly happened XD

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, but you're a creator! Readers don't have the same background to necessarily be able to assume that

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just put in a note saying that it's art evolution

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

As someone who redrew their first scene for a lot a reasons, I will say that I personally think it's worth it.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Also same, I've seen it and knew exactly what happened

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it was mentioned in the notes, but I didn't read the notes at first because I knew the archive was huge, and I wanted to Get Through It

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

if i were to do that, i'd put a note in the page itself

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That sounds like a good idea

Deo101 [Millennium]

What were your reasons for redrawing crona?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm not Crona but I redid a big chunk of my chapter 1 for writing reasons. (This was in addition to a whole reboot done prior.) The writing was... not 'this screams terrible writing' kind of bad. But it was extremely misleading/ unclear on what the overall story was going to be

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

dang tbh I did kinda redraw some panels to make the dialogue flow better. But I also tried my best to match up the quality of the pages drawn the time so it doesn't look jarring.

kinda what keii said but just minimizing the effects of shockkkk

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think this is one of the reasons why i don't want to do a comic that goes on for more than a couple years (well, for now that is. Maybe that'll change as i improve)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I redrew one intro 4 times, cause I kept rewriting the whole story.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

after that I was like "don't touch Ch. 1 again" lmao(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

1. Several panels didn't properly show what was happening in the scene. 2. Rewrote some of the dialogue 3. My art had improved so much that even if I hadn't redrawn it, the next scene would look very different. 4. I wasn't super far along, so I thought it would be good to give this another go, knowing much more about paneling, page-layout, and pacing.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

do you think there's a chance you'd eventually redraw wotp as it is now?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Hell no(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lol then i think it's fine that you redrew!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Even if I go back and clean some things up later for print, I'm not completely redrawing anything about WotP anymore

I finally got it to a point where I'm happyish with the way it looks

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I've never totally started over, but I did a ton of drawing edits (and a few writing edits!) on my first chapter before releasing it to the public. The previous version of the chapter does look far less polished. But even then, I really only completely redrew 1 or 2 panels. The rest was just liquifying wonky faces and whatnot. Still, once it got printed, I basically locked the artwork. With how long new pages take, I really don't have time to look back much anymore which is its own kind of blessing!

In that way, I'm very glad I kept it private for a while. I wasn't confident with my skills yet - and I wanted some wiggle room. It's part of the reason I encourage people to at least have some sort of foundation, so that the jump in improvement isn't so... startling

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I actually kind of love to be startled by art evolution

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I could see myself editing wonky faces and things like that more than I can see myself redrawing! My pages only take me like 2 hours and I still wouldn't redraw, can't imagine what your timeframe would look like...

But not in your own work, crona?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

It happened with a lovely comic called Wind Rose, and it is so inspiring

I wouldn't say I don't like it in my work

More that I was completely changing art styles too

Deo101 [Millennium]

I see

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think starting a comic is a good way to get those foundational skills though, lazuli

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Even if you didn't post it online, you did start

Which I think is enough

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

one of the biggest examples of art style shift I've seen

Comic is still doing really well though!

I don't think anyone minded the art evolution at all

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) Yeah, that's my dilemma! I've seen a couple very new comic artists burn out quickly, or say that they're relaunching because of their own unhappiness. And part of me wants to tell them to slow down - they don't need to post anything, just use it as a training ground.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Of course, if you yourself hate your old art you're probably more important(edited)

hm

It's still nice to have your story read though

even if just by a few friends

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I haven't read through it, but I know this is another good example...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

another one!

This was intentional though, to convey a change in setting

It's kind of fun to look at these comparisons(edited)

I think most readers would feel the same

carcarchu

my most inspiring art evolution is from zero point idol chapter 1

chapter 90

the artist also got better at panelling too. also not only did the art change but the genre completely did too. it started out as a comedy romance then slowly became a drama romance

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Looks like you switched the images around?

carcarchu

oh it's in the right order on my side

the more bishounen looking one should be the newer one

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh! I think the more colorful one looks much better actually?

But perhaps the author chose a different style to draw more quickly?

carcarchu

uh i think the opposite

the newer art looks objectively better

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

okay i'm gonna look it up maybe I will think differently if i see a bunch of panels in context

looking it up it is definitely clear that the author is putting much more effort into later updates.

Though skimming it I still sort of prefer the style of the earlier pages?

carcarchu

i have never heard someone say that before

people usually complain they got gipped in the first chapter lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Can't say anything about the paneling or anything like that because I just skimmed it

Well, I like the style of the things in the first pages that they tried harder on

There are a lot of like, chibi or messy panels there

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm looking up the titles for these screencaps you guys presented!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The first one I shared is A Matter of Life and Death!

The second is YU+ME Dream (highly recommend)(edited)

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Seconded, YUME is very good and it's complete!

kayotics

I think there’s a lot of good reasons to restart or redraw past pages, but there’s a lot of people who DO get trapped in the constant iterative state of restarting/redrawing their comic, and then they don’t get anywhere with it

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It's hard to come up with any consistent advice because people have different goals starting their comic. Like, some people just wanna do a comic to get better at art, or because they have a bunch of OCs that they want to do something with. And to those people... like, just have fun with it. Now, if you have a full story in mind, and your goal is to complete it in a timely manner that isn't overwhelming (without sacrificing on quality), this is the advice I give: 1) Plan out your story. You don't need to do a full script or whatever, but do try to have at least an outline, with an estimate of how many pages each part will be. 2) Spend a typical month (like, a month that you also have other work to do) drawing the first few pages of your comic. Don't post them yet. Count the number of pages you drew. The number you post per month should be less than that. e.g. if you drew 6 pages in that month, you should post 1 page each week. That way, you can have a bit of leeway to build a buffer without burning out. 3) Look back at that outline. How many pages did you plan it out to be? And how often are you planning on posting each page? Let's see... carry the two... this comic's gonna take HOW many years to complete?! 4) If you're comfortable with the task ahead of you, continue on to step 5. Otherwise, cut some stuff from your outline and repeat step 3. 5) Have fun with it! You might change your mind on future plot points, and that's ok! Just... try to do so in a way that doesn't create more work for yourself.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My advice is to just get started. I see so many people caught up in the idea that you need to perfect your art skills before starting a comic and then they just never start working on it

Your art is never going to be "perfect" and its better to have a tangible comic than a perfect one

I don't mean that in a discouraging way I just mean like no one can really achieve perfection and it's better to just create things

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I like snuffysam's advice because I have noticed there are different kinds of approach to webcomics. Some do it for fun and practice like I do nowadays. While others have a big long form series they are deeply passionate about but to start it seem overwhelming. Everyone's advice is pretty great! (edited)

DanitheCarutor

Fff I don't feel like I'm really qualified to give advice to people. I don't take art and comics seriously enough to follow most rules, so I would just be a bad influence if anything. Lol (Also everyone else has already said what I would.) I guess the one thing I would tell someone on the fence about starting their comic is to do it when you're ready. Like, I wanted to start doing comics when I was 15 but I wasn't quite mentally ready yet? I was used to doing illustrations so I couldn't stick with doing anything longer than 1 page, throughout the years I experimented with doing 1-2 pages of random scenes in stories I wanted to do, it wasn't until I hit my 20s when I was like "Okay, I want to do this!" In a way I didn't totally get into comic mode until my current project, since I was still feeling things out with the previous ones. Kinda went on a tangent there. Lol But yeah, comics are a huge commitment, I don't think it's super good to push yourself into starting if you're not mentally ready yet. Give yourself some time, do some casual stuff to prepare for the comic you really want to do in the meantime (brainstorming, concept art, character studies, etc.), or don't think about it at all if that's how you do things, then when you really get that itch go for it.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

My advice won't be anything that hasn't been touched on in this chat (so many good vibes ;_;) but I do wanna say that if I had any advice for someone to get into comics, it's to do it for yourself as the main priority. Webcomic popularity has been on the rise very quickly in this past decade, with copious amounts of creators trying their hand at their One Story, competition, exposure, and pressure are sure to set in with this wild ride that is comic making. So what do you do to combat that? How do you stay above water, make sure you have fun, or avoid turning this into what seems like never ending homework? You make your goal you. Whether You want to improve, whether You want to explore characters, or whether You just want to experiment- such a large project (let's be real, there's no easy way to do comics!) should be handled with that initial fire you had when you wanted to start the project, when you felt inspired to lay those panels down and tell that story. Don't compare your journey to others, don't feel that pressure to always Be Something.(edited)

Comics are a medium, just like film, canvas, or Video games for that matter, they have their own process and steps. Find what works for you and enjoy the ride, because it could easily turn into a long one!

eliushi [a winged tale]

I love it Krispy! You gotta do what you love

I’m just curious. What are your personal goals that keeps you going for the comic if you don’t mind sharing?

(And for anyone to answer too!)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I get what you mean and 100% agree with you. But I wanna bring up a caviat -- some people use the whole "do it for yourself" thing to shut down creators who are doing it for themselves, but also want some recognition. It's not their main priority, but it is a thing they want and it's okay to want it. I guess that goes back to the other advice about getting support. Find support, find people who won't make you feel guilty for simply wanting some recognition. People who will understand and support your goals.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

told myself that I won't let my self to lay my soul to rest till I'm done with the projects I have

so lmao that's somethin that drives me contracted to keep living till everything I do is finished lmao(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One of my friends got told she wasn't a Real Writer simply because she wanted a readership. That kinda disrespect is not okay

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh dang

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

oh that is a whole different level from what i'm saying for sure

first off those people can go away lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeeeah

Again, not what you were saying, just... how SOME people twist the advice

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

and secondly, if you're not doing your work for yourself, you can easily fall into pleasing others and drown in Trying to Stay relevant, burning your creative drive too (i mean, if you can make ur comic and do that , good on you woah) but i've seen multiple comic artists crash and burn for the sole purpose of doing the comic in competition with others, convincing themselves that 'other styles' are crap bc their own work doesnt match up (gosh that was a rough one) and all in all, them just becoming so bitter with their work! THOUGH! this essentially applies to all creative fields and not just comics! And those entitled ppl who do that suffer from jealousy and nothing else. I cannot stand for those types who tear others down when faced with their own insecurity

and creators have every right to ask for help too. y'all deserve that recognition for the hard work you do, sometimes however, that isn't always available to them

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yea

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

(which is why we gotta lift eachother up!)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You bring up a good topic that's very relevant to my struggles. It can be very difficult to know: is it okay to disregard this criticism. Am I allowed to do that? Am I allowed to like this thing about my work that people are pointing out as the bad part? Or does that make me a.... bad creator. Unprofessional, bratty, whatever. I'm not even talking about picking a fight/ getting verbally defensive. Just, silently disagreeing. I WANT to say the answer is yes, we are free to have our own opinion about our work. But dang if it isn't hard to feel guilty for doing it.

eliushi [a winged tale]

I think any trailblazers and pioneers feel this sort of sentiment.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That sounds about right

I don't really think of myself as a pioneer, but it is still something I feel in my bones

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I guess that’s the beauty of a self-run webcomic. You are the boss. Your viewership can give you critique, but you can choose what to listen to. You’re not beholden to a higher power (producer, director, patron, etc) to change things no matter what. It’s your project to run, and oftentimes only YOU know where it’s going, and you know how that criticism would change things.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ya lmao. idk like I don't see a lot of stories that run in conflict of towards what I'm doing so it's kinda nervewracking when you're like "oh god am I setting a good example or what? Should I be worried when I just want to create and share a story?"

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

If you can be proud of the story as-is, I think there’s power in that, and it comes through in the work. A confident comic is a lovely thing.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

That makes me really sad that you have these struggles Kei. Your work is a project of love. Love for the things that inspire you, love for the way to tell your story, and love for that process. You are allowed to proud and tell the world about it, you are allowed to embrace the success that you gain from your work. We as comic makers do SO MUCH WORK and wear SO MANY HATS to make this mainly free to read story available, and that should be celebrated. SO YES, you CAN and you MUST choose what you want to take from others comments, their feedback, reactions, etc- but in the end, it's still about what YOU wanted to make of this work, bc in the end, you are the wheel that keeps this whole thing spinning

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I dunno about confident, but I can say my comic is an honest one. Even if I don't feel confident, I still don't let outside criticisms change what I do.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

webcomic creators aren't given the space they need to grow a lot of times too-- we're essentially producing work that easily requires a small studio to create- there's gonna be ups and downs to the process. But you have to keep in mind for your own sanity that this is still your work and your vision. If you want to explore options of improving then you should be in control of that. (we all know how i feel about crits from randos too XD!)

eliushi [a winged tale]

Agree so much Krispy. I think everyone’s goals and visions for their project are valid and if they sustain your project, then that’s a success in itself

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

agreed!

eliushi [a winged tale]

Often I see this tip and pass on to other writers that when they write their story it’s important to think of a logline or something central that is the heart of the story. I put that as my first page so every time I open my document I see it. I think it’s the same for webcomics. Find the heart of your story — why you want to write it and remind yourself of that. I find it’s helpful to keep me going

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

omg eli....i love that!!!

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

wow that is really great advice eliushi!! I'd love to steal that if you don't mind?

eliushi [a winged tale]

Please do!! It’s a gift!!

take ittt

Miranda

these are all such great suggestions. You people are a fountain of wisdom.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I wrote in the header of my documents, "everything bad that happens in the story is because of me, and everything good happens because of them." Basically to remind myself not to do any sort of ex machina or whatever. And also put my tagline. It definitely helps!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think it's a good guideline -- the "pure luck can only be the bad kind" thing. But my bro brought up the Walking Dead (I think? either that or some other really well known zombie thing?) as an example of going too far in that direction. He said the characters take a turn, open a door, etc. and the zombies just come pouring out like an unholy explosive diarrhea all of sudden, to a point where he was like "lol?" He said it was like the universe was setting it up against the characters, and he couldn't take it seriously. He's played/watched lots of zombie stuff so he's no stranger to jump scares or zombies appearing in hordes, but that one was still too much for him.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

wh lmao about that spoiler part like

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh yeah no, too much of anything is bad.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah like, I can see that kind of extreme bad luck being used in farce comedy

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ahaha yeah

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I wonder what a story would be like in the opposite direction where everything bad that happens to them is because of them and everything good that happens to them is because of the writer

Deo101 [Millennium]

Everything Goes Bad Man A horrible superhero trying to do his best

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

A comedy! Could also make it a Shakespearean tragedy

Deo101 [Millennium]

Horror could make it work too

I was meaning my thing more like uhh, make them earn their good things and success kinda thing

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Depressing drama about a person who tries to succeed in life but fails at every turn

Nah I got it deo

Just throwing out hypotheticals

Deo101 [Millennium]

I would hate to watch or read any of these horrible things btw

But it's fun to hypothesize

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think for like, most stories, your direction is much more engaging

I don't want to watch someone fail over and over

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There's also that trope where everything goes bad despite their effort, and then Luck just drops success on the character's lap, leaving them feeling empty

Deo101 [Millennium]

Me either LOL coming out of stories like that is always like 0_0 well nkw I'm just depressed

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But I think something like watamote, a comedy about a socially inept girl, might be an example of what I said that a lot of people like. I haven't watched it though so I'm not sure

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, I don't know that specific one, but there are cases where people feel comforted by reading about tough luck in that "I'm not the only one" way. Certainly not everyone's cup of tea, though.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh

Grave of the Fireflies

That movie seemed more like a message about war though. It seemed like it was trying to say something

I think I could enjoy a depressing story like that if it was nonfiction or historical fiction

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It was sorta semi-autobiographical (not 100% but inspired by his own experience)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Something that feels real

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah, grave of the fireflies WAS based off of the author's experiences

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I personally am okay with depressing fiction if it feels real

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Doesn't have to be based on true events

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

his sister and him were taken in by the aunt and they were actually left that way the sister died of starvation (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Hey, spoiler tag that!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

whoops mbad

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm one of those who is 100% not... I can be okay with and love depressing stories after having seen it and then getting time away from it, but watching or reading them is a horrible experience for me

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

My Sweet Orange Tree is thought to be at least sort of based on the author's own experience, and I think that adds something to the book. (Can't confirm because the author's dead.) But even if it were pure fiction, it would remain a lovely, compelling book.

@Deo101 [Millennium] Nothing is for everyone!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I remember feeling really depressed for the rest of the day after watching grave of the fireflies

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Not everything bad that happens to them was their own fault, but Grave of the Fireflies was sort of a story about pride though. A boy who refused to suck it up and apologize to his aunt, resulting in his and his sister's deaths. I think that did make the story more powerful

hubris and all that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

so I can definitely relate to only watching short bursts of depressing stuff

Deo101 [Millennium]

I honestly try to avoid them entirely, not even short bursts tbh

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

correct! however, a lot of viewers also blamed the aunt for not keeping them. Apparently the real life aunt felt a lot of remorse for being indirectly responsible for their deaths, and her daughter was angry at her. However, the aunt was also feeling depression from her husband who recently died

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I read them rarely, but I feel like they make me more? Grounded? I liked the way Man's Search for Meaning (Holocaust survivor's book) changed the way I thought of the world

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm just hyperempathetic and they really hurt me

Not like I'm like "I wanna be ignorant" or anything

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think that one scene with the farmer telling him to suck up his pride was highlighting that he could have been taken back in but refused to even try

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@Deo101 [Millennium] 100% Valid!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Yeah. Entertainment is supposed to be fun or meaningful and if it's not then don't read it

Although, I do really believe we should learn about these topics in school at least

You have to be exposed to them somewhat

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I just don't like the kind of idea that gritty depressing stuff is more realistic, I understand learning about history and hardships but it's not something I like to think of as like "the truth jusy is that the world is terrible" it makes me feel very alone because I work very hard to see the world nit like that.

Miranda

Re: the extreme bad luck/I cause all the bad stuff for my characters I saw a tip that said coincidences can happen to get your characters into trouble, but not to get them out of trouble, and I thought that was an excellent way of putting that. (sorry to plop that in the midst of the most recent discussion)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

TBH as someone who has lived in Eccentric Relatives' House under not so great circumstances, I didn't even get any hint of "the boy should've sucked up" from Grave of Fireflies. My experience may have been worse than the boy's in his aunt's house though, and maybe my bias led me to see his experience as being just as unfair as mine. In any case it's been years since I watched it, so maybe I'm forgetting some key details.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think "realistic" means a mix of good and bad

My favorite nonfiction books contain a lot of cruelty, but also very good people

Reading about people's good work and outlooks despite tragedies really got to me

Or like, perseverance

Perseverance as a theme really, really hits me

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I like perseverance but I hate stories that are hopeless or treat hope as naiive

It makes me angry tbh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oof same yeah

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

the aunt was still feeding them though, and allowing them to stay. If he had left his sister at home and tried to get a job like his cousins did, I think it is implied that they would have survived.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I do like my dark themes but lmao i dont want to go to wreckless cruelty. there's an art with that(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Endless pessimism is as unrealistic as endless optimism(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I feel like there's hopeless stories and there's stories that treat hope as naive. The former is like, yeah sure, not everyone's cup of tea, but the latter is like "if this isn't your cup of tea, then you're dumb" which is

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I don't mind dark themes it's just that sort of grittiness, humanity is inherently evil, hope gets you nothing kind of stories that I hate

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Btw. My favorite nonfiction books: Man's Search for Meaning The Gift of Fear The Gift of Pain (no relation to the gift of fear) All showcase a lot of cruelty and suffering but all are still very hopeful

I know it's unlikely you guys will read them but

They're good and I still reccoemend them highly

They are books that changed the way i think

They are also all written by people who have gone through and seen terrible things and yet made it their life's work to help others

I just can't reccomend them enough

But I will stop talking about it now

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for me, uhhh it's from famial experiences mostly

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Do you think your stories err on the side of optimism or pessimism?

@ everyone

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

since most of my family suffered from the vietnam war, a lot of stuff they told me were fist hand accounts of war and cruetlty

like from my mom, my dad, my aunties and uncles

even like the older members of my communties so that stuff is still fresh lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

Optimism. I want to say neither but I know nearly no one would read it and say it's realistic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh, I've had similar stories. My great grandmother had her whole family except her killed by a Japanese bomb and my family, despite traveling a lot, has still never visited Japan out of respect to her

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but since they already living better lives I see that the darkness in those times have at least kick started them out to their kind of propserity or still striving towards

so I see myself as a realist lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I think my stories usually go a bit more on the pessimistic side I’m afraid. People have remarked that my more emotional scenes can be surprisingly dark, so I’m trying to introduce some more heartwarming scenes

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't wanna say "err on the side of".... I do bittersweet and slightly LEAN towards the bitter more often than not! But I think this particular aspect may be partly up to the readers to gauge.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think my story is realistic to me. The worst my characters experience is similar to mine, and the best is also similar to mine. But I have no idea if my own life has had more good or more bad than the "average person"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

"Sometimes life super sucks in ways you have little to no control over, but you can still be there for each other, and that really, really counts" <--- is this too bitter or just right? That's up to each reader to answer, I think.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Hey you said optimism or pessimism you gotta pick

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like there is hope and optimism but that is meaningless without the critical side of things. and I want to depict those sides in life.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Optimism

But I'm optimistic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Keiiii that's the way I write too and I think it's optimistic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

My life has shown me that I can escape bad things so I don't think optimism is unrealistic though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You can't fix life but you can give love

Deo101 [Millennium]

Exactly

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i guess for my stories they kinda like what keii said like there's good side of things but lmao I somehow add some painful elements that they have to endure in order to have those good times(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

personallly I think stories work if you give people hope

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Eh, not every story is meant to give hope

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Yeah

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

but it's a good goal

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

like as long as you give people a semblance of hope, even if you throw some depressing stuff.....it can work. Oh, I meant as a bittersweet story

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But I think not giving hope is unrealistic

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao I guess I'm a target since the last story i write

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Though perhaps I only think that because I haven't experienced true tragedy(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it was just bleak in a hopeful light

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It depends, like I can imagine a short story that hyperfocuses on something extremely depressing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Y'know what I have actually hopeless things in my life and I have 0 interest in reading a story that's hopeless

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ye and that's fair

Deo101 [Millennium]

And even though I have hopeless experiences I don't think my life overall is hopeless

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

i wonder if people actively look for stories that focus on not having hope because i know many people read these stories as a way to escape their lives

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I agree on that. idk. for me writing stories that lead to an end that really don't work with both parties... could be just my morbid curosity in just seeing how things won't work out as planned for both persons.

could be like a philosophical thing maybe? or giving a different perspective of some sorts?

like "things are the same but given with the option you gave me, I can't go through with that"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I can relate to curiosity being a motivation for exploring dark stories. It's why I check out horror stories -- horror stories (games especially) show the MC in an extremely "wrong" situation at the beginning, and I check them out to find out the presumably equally extreme "why" for that wrongness. I don't think I could write stories like that myself, though.

Psychological horror specifically

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah, horror has been uh ingraned in my life to this point. and I like writing stories with that kind of edge in mind, more of the psycholgial aspects than horror.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Do you guys think some people search for morbid stories like these to not only satisfy their curiousity....but also to make themselves feel better about their own lives?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't particularly care to find out why Mr. Chainsaw is going around killing everyone in a splatter/slasher horror, for instance X'D

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's a possibility tbh.

sometimes I do that but I also had experienced simalar kinds of sorts that seeing those works i'm like "dang not alone in these wack feels"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I guess it depends on each person?

"Gee, at least I don't have any literal demons coming after my eyeballs" is not very comforting to me, personally

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i mean lmao

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Sometimes sad stories do make me feel more thankful for my own peaceful life but I don't seek them out for that reason

Deo101 [Millennium]

Imagine if ur disabled and that's the narrative used to make other people feel better about their lives

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

DX

Deo101 [Millennium]

Off topic but that's why disabled people hate "inspiration porn"

It's something that's really hard to explain cause "do you not want to inspire people" is really hard to answer

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah, those kinds of stories I really don't like at all.

Deo101 [Millennium]

So I wanted to jump on the opportunity to explain even though it's really off topic sorry

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

No, don't be sorry. "Life sucks but hey, at least you're not me!" is not something anyone should have to put up with

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's understandable tho!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

To be honest I do seek out stories about disability because I find it fascinating how people adapt to mental and physical changes. I find ingenuity very interesting?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I guess I look at it more towards like how some relationships with people don't work, and also the diaconomy between individuals interest me. Not for those kinds of stories but I've seen elements of that appear in some works i read in the past

Deo101 [Millennium]

I also seek out stories about disabilities, but only hopeful ones not like "my life is ruined and this is my driving motivation, to not be like this"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

One of the books I recommended was by a doctor who spent his life working with people with leprosy and the workarounds for missing limbs and sensation he and his patients would come up with was just so fascinating to me to read

It's something that's really hard to explain cause "do you not want to inspire people" is really hard to answer

@Deo101 [Millennium] I think I understand you but just curious- how do you respond to that?(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

It's usually like "I want to inspire people to be like me because they're proud of what I can do" but they're always like "I'm proud of what you can do in spite of-" and it's like. Idk just a deep sigh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh yeah rip

i had that happened to me before like "Dang you do did this and you're from some a family that suffered so much--"

"uh huh please focus on the work not my life thanks lmao"

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like don't hold me to a different, lower standard. Don't pity me

Yeah exactly

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Hm it's sort of true but also if someone said "I'm proud of what you can do despite not having a dad" I'd be like fuck yoooouuuu

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like there's other things please

It's like, pity. It's not actually inspiration I think

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm proud of what you can do in spite of not having a brain

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

pity has left the building

like sure, yeah let's go with that but there's other experiences other than my background and my identity the brought out this work too. that's how we can get some unique voices into the field.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so yeah, I can understand rip people saying fustrating things like that. maybe they don't have a better way of phrasing it. orz

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

At the very least it's better than the opposite side

"your experiences were not that bad" angle

Deo101 [Millennium]

I get that a lot also

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

and sadly I too experienced that angle LMAO

Deo101 [Millennium]

LMAO tuyetnhi same hat

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

no one wins

hurrah

most of it came about because of my mixed idenity like I don't get hit by the usual racism my viet friends experienced

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

This is overall a very small thing but I casually mentioned I was attracted to women to a long time friend yesterday and she went full on "thank you so much for coming out to me this doesn't change my opinion of you I love you you're a great friend" And then the conversation got hella stilted and awkward after that and AG I Hate that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but er.... I have seen people look at me and was like "mixed baby? that's hot"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Wtfff

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

"please no."

it's wack like u put me in a scale where that scale is already wack to begin with

it don't make sense lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

wait what the fuck

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

People are like why TF are u using a cane you're young and I tell them I have a condition and they're like, what does it do and I say the symptoms and they're like :/ I get those too :/

Freak out and tell them to get tested right away

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

also i really get annoyed when I see people just.......treat people with personality disorders like we're all psychos and tell others

hey at least you're not like these psychos

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh the telling others bit(edited)

Nooooo

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like my experience isn't that universal but it's already terible enough knowing that if you have mixed ethncities then you're treated as an "exotic creature" and i'm like "I'll shoot you down"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Mann luckily I grew up in a place where that doesn't really happen

I hope

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh my god i'm glad i live in a really diverse city and yeah deo....they do

we get labelled "troubled people" particularly if we're female in the mental health sector

a LOT of psychiatrists push us around and they use it as code for "difficult"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip I live where 80% the folks here are mostly er homogenous white folk

and they ask me these questions that I know boil me blood

I'm too poor for cali man

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oooooof I feel that tuyetnhi i went to a really white uni town for my alma mater

i got called a tall chink by a frat boy there

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah I experienced that shit durring uni

it sucks

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yoooo you can also come to toronto if you can't go to cali ;3

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I can travel to toronto but lmao maybe next year

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

maybe ;A;;

also @Eightfish (Puppeteer) wait what do you mean by your question? is it pertaining to personality disorders or to the race questions?

......yeah people tend to treat you better if they don't know you have a personality disorder

LMAO I MEAN TRUE, that's pretty obvious XD

because people think that personality disorders are untreatable. And I would like people to be more informed about them

Heck, a lot of people don't even know about BPD. So I'd rather that people stay informed about it, even if it means that I might suffer for it.

What if there's another person with BPD who needed help but the people around them didn't know? And I don't think it's fair to keep it hidden when it can easily damage relationships.

Deo101 [Millennium]

And also, "why don't you just hide that part of yourself if people treat you badly for how you are?" Is hardly ever a healthy way of dealing with things

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

better be informed than being ignorant

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yeah...I've actually considered just...putting a joke warning label on myself lmao

(but thank you guys for understanding <3)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

negatively changed? rip

ohhh nooo

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah.....it's kinda like.....just because you have these negative experiences, you try not to let it stop you

because there's ALWAYS a chance that you'll meet people who understand

........I actually told a good friend that I had bpd and she started ghosting me. She was scared of me and thought i was...."weird"

and scary.

She was scared that i was gonna go psycho.

but I think it's important to know that not everyone is going to be an asshole.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it really is

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

i had a psychiatrist tell me that i probably lost friends....because i was a bitch ;A;

after formally diagnosing me with bpd

yeah and i had one psychiatrist just....diagnost me with anxiety disorder and he wouldn't listen to me just gave me a survey to fill out

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

makes them feel like they're 2d?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah and they are usually very complex and have very VERY varied pasts doesn't help that the media paints us as monsters in horror movies a lot

you see sociopathy and antisocial disorder in the news a lot and then they see people with bpd and they're like

LOOK! YANDERES!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ooooffff

that's not even part of the DSM lmaO

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

screams every time i see an article about how to "save yourself from someone with BPD"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

speaking from my experiences as a former psyche major

like that can't be determined solely just by those factors alone

cormidbity is a factor too

oh my godddd

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I get that a lot

also yeah psychiatrists..........they need to keep themselves updated man

they put a lot of blanket terms for people with pds because it's easier or maybe because psychiatrists are simply not equipped to deal with people with pds?

i mean look how many psychiatrists i've met or heard fuck it up with bpd

and that's one of THE EASIEST pds to rehabilitate

imagine rehabilitating someone with narcissism or sociopathy

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

APD

is the proper term lmao

or ASPD

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

also eightfish....nope. it's a really long LONG road to rehabilitation. Some take years.

but it's kinda...a relief to be diagnosed OH WHOOPS

mbad

OH MY GOD THE TRANSGENDER THING

coughs in victorian times exCUSE me

hugs

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip this is from my understanding but if the condition of the disorder is either: a combination of bringing harm to yourself, restricting yourself from your routines, harm to others, or sense of losing control of your daily life then they will mostly likely dianoise. though that's what I

I've known years ago rip. idk if they hold up those standards today

or changed things from it

it really bites when you're seeking help and the folks that supposed to help you say like "but you're normally functioning so I see no problem ya u free to go"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

"if we can't see it you're not injured so get the fuck back to work"

psychiatrists who just brush you off because it doesn't fit THEIR narrative piss you off

like you're going to them for help....and they categorize you as they see fit

and when you try to go against them they label you as "difficult"

eliushi [a winged tale]

Hey friends, good discussions here but just wondering if it’s best in #general as this will be archived? Just want you all to be safe

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ah okay! Thank you Eli

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oof wait archived?

In what way?

eliushi [a winged tale]

Check pins(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

OH GOD

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Ahh

I'm deleting every message lol

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

(And this convo is off topic)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

will do man

Deo101 [Millennium]

already on it

I just deleted everything to about 1 cause I think thats where we went off topic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh shit yeah this is creator babble

I will delete messages as well

[auburnflight]

A reflection and semi-rant on why, ironically, I feel that the times in the last four years where my art has improved the most has been when I’m NOT in art school:

The environment in art school has not always been great in terms of helping me work on improving, as much as it has been for getting stuff done. There’s enormous pressure to turn in completed work by deadlines, and (at least what I experienced) a stigma toward and shame in showing up to a critique with unfinished work. You’re constantly having lessons thrown at you and getting graded on them, but in my experience, you’re not given enough space to actually apply them in your own individual way.

I was always one of those people who worked slower, which made hitting those dates stressful, but also I feel my perfectionism was making my work itself less effective--I habitually sank tons of time into details that weren’t really expressing anything.  My teachers would encourage me to work more loosely. But I had so much worry that if I did what they said, my work would look sloppy or unfinished, and I would lose points or it would be mentioned in front of everyone in the class critique... and I wouldn’t be as happy with the result. Worst case, the assignments would have superfluous requirements that felt they were there just for the sake of making them a test, like including X number of elliptical shapes or Y number of human figures. (Incidentally, I feel like during the actual class time, this particular course worked really well with my learning style because it was methodical and concrete... but in the homework, there was incredible stress about getting it “done” and fulfilling parameters for the sake of it.) Only now that I can work in a less compressed environment do I understand some of my professors’ caution toward “rendering” instead of painting.

There was also the impression that I was supposed to be building a cohesive body of work, so that I would have a portfolio to show to clients and reviewers once I entered the professional world. Teachers and classes individually encouraged experimentation, but I found it hard to reconcile with this idea of building a portfolio. I would be afraid to do something wildly different from what’s typical for me. OR, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I would try something very different from my usual, but solely for the sake of fulfilling that expectation that I “experiment,” and not to think about what I wanted to express in trying that thing. Yeah, I had a “senior portfolio” class that was almost entirely self-directed, though even that still felt that I had to be fulfilling certain expectations the entire time.

But, on summer breaks and in the time since I’ve graduated, it’s been completely different--I’ve had the artistic version of “unstructured play time.” I can leave things loose and unfinished if I want, and I don’t have to finish every single project I start. I can decide what lessons work for me and how to apply them, instead of trying to meet expectations for the sake of not getting a terrible (embarrassing) critique. I actually have the spare time to make something that’s not good, sit and wonder for a bit why it might not have worked, and then give it another shot once I figure out what the heck I’m doing, instead of just floundering and hoping I’ll learn eventually and not make something that’s too ugly in the process. If I’m burned out--which, by the end of my senior year, I absolutely was--I can take a break from drawing for a few days or weeks and be fine. I can even consider my sketches sufficient in their own right in communicating what I want; I don’t have to spend hours painting or shading them just to make them legitimate in others’ eyes. (I think, because of my aforementioned tendency to take a long time on things, this has been the most freeing thing for me in rediscovering my interest in drawing.)

And, I can focus my energy on what I’m really passionate about, which helps me remember why I’m creating and making art in the first place. I happen to greatly enjoy both anime and furry art, two things my professors repeatedly condemned in their classes. Now that I’m out of school, I can apply all those figure drawing and art history lessons how I feel works for me, instead of how others might expect it to fit into some nebulous fine art “canon” (which has always confounded me) And finally, I feel like my own individual voice is coming through and I’m learning what drives me to paint. I’ve always been confused about why I like graphic anime styles so much, when my own style is more traditional and painterly, and finally after years of struggling with it, I’m learning to combine them. And I’m not afraid to draw humans because some teacher or classmate will say the anatomy is bad or the style is unoriginal.

Not to say I shouldn’t have gone to art school, or that it’s terrible place to be, or anything. Just, consistently I notice every time over summer break, my art gets better way faster than it ever did in the other nine months of the year, during school. And I think it’s because my art really needs that non-judge-y “unstructured play time”, not just classes and concepts.

[soundrooms]

Soundrs: DJ CYBERDAD

My name is John Verchot, I’ve released music under several names: J-chot as well as DJ CYBERDAD. Locally, I’m usually just billed as DJ Verchot. I feel like the first thing I should tell you about myself is that I have severe ADHD, which seems to be the single most consistent force guiding my art and existence. I often get distracted and always get ahead of myself when I try to explain things. DJ CYBERDAD started out as a funny pseudonym to release more profane songs that I didn’t want my son to hear, but changed into an outlet for my smoother dance jams as well as more introspective music. 

What are your inspiration sources?

It varies from project to project. Often times with tracks, the inspiration to work on them comes in two or three different phases. Inspiration to create sounds is one thing, as inspiration to finish and structure tracks, create moods/themes, or even package them into a finished project, all feel like different driving forces/processes that need to happen in order for me to get anything done. However, whichever one of those forces I am able to utilize when I sit down at my laptop often seems to be beyond my control.

Most times I’ll hear a sound, loop or phrase, I’ll start to wonder what I can do with it, or how I can change and manipulate it. It might be the timbre of an old instructional video’s narrator, or an odd metallic sound I’ve managed to coax out of some equipment. Occasionally I’ll think of a concept, either of overall sound or thematic content and before I know it, I’ve got half a track planned out in my head. Many times I’ll hear other tracks or songs, and want to use just one part/concept/sound or re-do the whole track differently. With “Emotional in Destin”, I was trying to convey moods or feelings I felt during an unexpected trip to Florida in the middle of a crushing depression. It sounds bizarre, but I've never channeled personal experiences into my music before.

Overall what inspires me to create different sounds is the novelty of technology and bits and other people’s music.

What makes me want to sit down and make music is personal or professional success.

What inspires me to finish tracks and projects is the distant white noise of overwhelming anxiety and dread setting in as the ennui of the imminent collapse of western society fades giving way to the dark, almost imperceivable thrumming of the void drawing nearer, and is definitely getting louder. Your “time” is almost up John. Did you even do anything, or are you too skiddish and feeble of heart and head to make any clear decisions, impulsively flitting from one animal urge to another bad habit, clogging the chemical receptors of your brain for simple stupid pleasure. It’s night now and your eyes and fingers grow weary…

What was the question again? 

Tell us something about your workflow.

Most times, it starts with just noodling around. Sometimes, it’s with synths and sequencers, either recording sounds or looping notes and tweaking/loading patches (virtual or real synths), sometimes I’m browsing potential sample material, but what happens next is the same regardless of how I’m making sounds or what I’m doing:

…I think hear something.

…And I STOP noodling. Basically, I either hear something I like, or I hit a riff or whatever and it’s like a tiny, tiny light bulb that blinks barely. Occasionally it’s like a hundred watt, and other ideas quickly fall into place. Most times, it’s a process of trial and error, but I’m making sure to document or isolate the little pieces that click and then attempt to refine or improve on those ideas. Ideas can quickly diverge, multiple sets with different names get saved, and I often jump around and get lost. I use color coding on clips and pieces in Ableton to help me sort those ideas. Some ideas form by running one sequence I’ve had already through a whole different synth/patch.

Very rarely, I’ll get a concrete idea while I’m driving, maybe I’ll make some notes on my phone (text to speech notes, voice recording).

When I get a spark that makes me imagine a full concept (“Charles Nelson Riley”, or that “My P**sy tastes like Pepsi Cola” remix for example), the track is formed VERY quickly (four to eight hours working time) and I finish the mix, structure, everything. This is rare, but these tracks are almost always my better material.

The next step is always the same: Let the track “cool-off”. Leave it alone. Do something else for a few days, or weeks… or in some cases, years… Then I’ll fuck around with it even more, or move on to:

STRUCTURE & MIXING: 

I look for/experiment with arrangements that compliment my DJ style, or allow someone to do a rough edit if they want, (breakdowns at the end), or I’ll load a track that I like to DJ that’s similar enough and I will STRAIGHT UP copy the song structure in terms of intro, (drums or keys?) repeating bits, breakdowns, outros… Most times I fuck with it until it sounds okay, which is kinda bad because I end up drastically overscrutinizing it.

When it comes to mixing, something that I should do more often but don’t is load a reference track (someone else’s track) and try to get my mix to sound like theirs… This technique REALLY helps stop “nasty surprises” when you listen to it on a big system, or in the car.

Most of the time, I’ve been tweaking the mix the entire time I’ve been working on the project. 

TL;DR

The “Emotional in Destin” EP is almost entirely soft synths, but lately my flow is:

1. dick around on hardware

2. “oh that sounds good, let me make another sound to go with it” (see step 1)

3. record a few pieces to an Ableton project.

4. “I don't know what to do now.” …maybe mixing or structure…

…almost ALL THE TIME, however I jump around and do everything very non-linearly. Hardware helps me not spend so much time tweaking patches or EQ-ing a snare drum for an hour. Texture is SUPER important to me, so I’ll often get hung up on EQ and compression before I even start on structure or mixing. 

How would creative rituals benefit your workflow?

The hardest part for me is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS getting started, or shifting gears from other activities (resting after work, reading tumblr, goofing off…) and going to sit down at my desk and start music stuff. I’m certain it’s an executive dysfunction thing. The less I think about doing it before I do it, the better.

Animal sacrifice SIGNIFICANTLY speeds things up. Try not to get blood on the gear/laptop, and make sure never to clean, but regularly sharpen the ceremonial dagger (VERY important). 

How do you get in the zone?

I don’t really try…

As soon as I start to approach a task as “a thing” I get nervous and anxious. If I go “okay, I’ve got this task to complete…” my subconscious hijacks my higher functions to make me look at memes or tumblr for three hours instead of do what I “should” or “want”… The problem with me in the past has been how do I get OUT of the zone? 

How do you start a track? 

Oh jeez, I really jumped the shark with that question earlier, didn’t I? A technique I’ll sometimes employ is load up an old track, keep the drum sounds/patches but delete all the data, and make an entirely different genre of track… or one that's very similar… That’s kind of a fun exercise if nothing else. Also it often winds up getting tweaked and adjusted to hell and back. 

Do you have a special template? 

Nope. I make TONS of drum, EQ, and effects presets though. And they all have terrible names like “gooddrums”, “$GOODrums” and such.

Even though I’ve started with carbon copies, they ALWAYS end up sounding completely different by the time I’m finished with the track, because I can’t leave em well enough alone. 

What do you put on the master channel? 

Sometimes EQ, but always a phat ass compressor (limiting). I’ve been thinking about investing in a nice non-free one lately, but for some reason I am not comfortable with purchasing software plugins… I also have learned recently, that I’ve been using compression on the individual tracks way too much… which makes final-mixing a pain in the ass. 

How do you arrange and finish a track? 

DAMN IT. I really did go too hard with the first couple questions. The “finishing” of a track for me (arrangement, mixing) is usually done much later than the rest of the process. I try not to force stuff, but lately I’m realizing more and more that I need to not do this as much.

I can’t stress enough how using a reference track for structure or mixing can very often break up stagnation on a project. 

How do you deal with unfinished projects?

Several ways. The first step is to judge an old file and see if it's worth finishing. If there is ANYTHING of creative/sonic merit, I put it in a folder with the other “sketches and ideas” (project graveyard). Otherwise, I have been trying to delete the “junk” projects… this can make it easier to focus. Another thing I often do is to make presets/patches/Ableton instruments from the parts I like, then drop it in a folder called “meh”. Or I drop them into several categorical folders, i.e.: “uncircumcised electro bangers”, “abrasive techno”. 

How do you store and organize your projects?

Aw jeez. Oh gosh-oh darn. (See above answer.) 

How do you take care of studio ergonomics? 

Trial and error, trial and error, trial and error. This year alone my studio has been restructured and moved about my downstairs room at least five times. I’ve finally settled on something that feels very useful and productive. I am also this way with my work station at my job. CHANGE IT UNTIL IT WORKS GREAT. This can also help with creative stagnation, or can trigger it, so be careful. I keep my “electronics laboratory” close at hand so that more of that tinkering can find it’s way into my music… no such luck, YET.

I’ve currently decorated my space with all the crap I’ve saved up over the years, that for some reason, I’ve looked at this and thought: “This makes me happy” …SUUURE, my studio now looks like a fourteen year old decorated it, but I gotta say, I feel pretty phenomenal. Soon I’m gonna try to put this “stars and space” wall paper on my ceiling… I’ll update with a photo when that’s done.

Also I would like to say:

Minimalist spaces and studios are bullshit, y’all look like sick baby birds in empty shoe-boxes.

I mean, NOBODY LIVES THAT WAY, right? Maybe some boring rich people do, but damn… I mean, I try to clean and stay organized… and it helps, but I also try not to get to hung up on it. 

Tell us something about your daily routine, how is your day structured, how do you make room for creativity?

**LOUD SUCKING SOUND THROUGH TEETH** I don't… at least, not very well at all… but I’m working on that.

I am not the person you should ask this question, because THIS RIGHT HERE is the BANE of my existence… 

Share a quick producing tip.

MAN, I’ve already dropped like… seven, but okay, here goes:

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY, FINISH THE TRACK. For me, this means ghetto-rigging, DIY, using the same goddamn audio interface from 2002 for f****ng fifteen YEARS… (recently fixed) don’t get hung up on “proper” ways, or ways that are outside your current means. Also, get a set of decent monitors… or use several pairs of headphones/speakers to double check mixes.

Recently, I’ve had less time, but a little bit of money, which is the opposite of how I’ve ALWAYS operated… it’s been difficult to unlearn “time consuming but cheap”. Also difficult not to impulse buy synths. 

Making music with just a mouse and keyboard may be the least sexy thing ever… it works tho… cheap MIDI controllers CAN work faster however. 

Share a link to an interesting website (doesn’t have to be music related).

My son just showed me this ➜ https://dddance.party/ and I have to say, this is an outstanding achievement of mankind. 

List ten sounds you are hearing right this moment : ) 

Traffic outside my window, gentle hum of laptop cooling fan, dog snoring, fingers typing, birds chirping… that’s it.

John has a lo-fi house EP out on UltraBold Records as DJ CYBERDAD. It’s called ‘Emotional in Destin’. Stream it ➜ here, audio cassettes are available ➜ here.

Thanks John! If you want to get featured next, send a message here on tumblr or email soundrooms@icloud.com.

[imjustthemechanic]

Glockenspiel

Part 1/? - Transmission Part 2/? - The Sandhill Hotel

“Agent Carter,” said Zola with a smirk.  “I didn't think I'd see you here.”

“The feeling's quite mutual,” she replied.  “You're supposed to be on your way back to prison.”  Technically, protective custody... but it would be prison when everybody heard about this.

“You will find you're in a world where supposed to is not a relevant concept,” Zola informed her.  “Nor, for that matter, is the SSR.  Tell me... if you and Stark made it here, then he must have figured out how to operate the Machine.”  The capital M was audible.  “Did you find die Glocke?”

Die Glocke – the Bell.  The term was familiar.  It was a code word of some sort for a weapon, something HYDRA had supposedly been developing in secret, saving it for the uttermost end.  The SSR had never found it.  Rumor had it that the base where it was kept was in a mine, and when the war was lost, the commander had blown up the shafts, sealing die Glocke, and himself and all his men, under millions of tons of stone.  Interesting how Zola assumed they were using the matter transmitter to look for it.  Perhaps they were hoping to transmit it out of the mountain.

“No,” said Peggy.  “We did not.”

“We found a few cows,” said Howard.

“Then you’re no use to us.”  Sutcliffe stood up.  “Kill them both.”

The men around him raised their guns.  Peggy instinctively grabbed Howard and threw them both to the ground, but not a single shot was fired.  Instead, she heard Zola shout for them to stop.  When she looked up, she found to her astonishment that the little German had placed himself in front of Sutcliffe, not allowing him to fire.

“Don’t you dare,” he said.

“They just said they don’t know anything!” Sutcliffe told him, furious.

“They said they don’t know about die Glocke,” Zola said.  “Die Glocke was not all we had!  How do you know they won’t know something else that would be useful?  You’re not in charge here,” he added.  “Mr. Smith is in charge!”

Peggy frowned.  The first thing that occurred to her when she heard the name from Zola was that Smith was of course the English version of Schmidt… but that couldn’t be.  Schmidt had been on the plane when Steve crashed in the arctic.  Anything that could kill Captain America could certainly kill the Red Skull.  Besides, there were literally thousands of people named Smith, perhaps millions.  It could be anyone.

“What will he say, if he finds out you had two of the SSR’s most knowledgeable insiders as captives, and you simply shot them?” Zola continued.

Sutcliffe scowled.  “Where are we supposed to keep them?”

“There’s the walk-in safe,” said Zola.

“And I suppose you know the combination?”

“You’ve got that fancy telephone,” Zola said.  “Call him and ask.”

Sutcliffe pulled a flat black object, a little bigger than a deck of cards but not so thick, out of his pocket and began doing something with it.  Meanwhile, a group of men hurried into the mesh chamber to grab Peggy and Howard, none too gently, and march them out.

Peggy madly tried to store all the information she’d just gotten.  In order for Zola to have gotten here ahead of them he must have been transported in the same instantaneous way they had.  Sutcliffe was in charge of almost everybody here but not Zola, although Zola was not in charge of him, either – and Sutcliffe clearly resented that.  Maybe that would be useful later.  Individual members of HYDRA rarely got on, in Peggy’s experience.  It was a symptom of them all having insufferable superiority complexes.

The men put handcuffs on them, which Peggy tried to be subtle about rolling her eyes over – as if she didn’t know how to escape from handcuffs!  Then they were marched out of the big room, past a coat check and a set of glass windows that looked in on a big empty swimming pool, and then up a flight of stairs.

This led into another enormous room, this one with a dark hardwood floor and a high domed ceiling in imitation of Tiffany glass, lit from behind.  There was an odd geometric fountain in the middle of the room, though it wasn’t running, and across the wall to their right was a series of mirrored elevator doors.  Everything was spotlessly clean, except for the wall that ought to face the street, where several windows were boarded up and orange tape sectioned off areas where there was broken glass in the carpet.  Sutcliffe had not been lying about them being in a hotel, but the building seemed to be empty and perhaps even unfinished.

The men escorted them over to the main desk, which was also of dark wood with a frosted glass counter and had wires sticking out of holes leading nowhere.  Behind this was a set of sliding doors painted to look like a Japanese screen depicting cranes wading in a marsh, which divided off the offices from the public area.  They passed through rows of these, all newly-painted but mostly unfurnished, to the very back of the building.  There was a very large safe, probably for keeping both the hotel’s money and the guests’ valuables.  Sutcliffe looked down at the black object in his hand, then pressed six buttons on the wall, and there was a clunk as the door opened.

The space beyond was tiny, big enough to walk into but only for one or two people, with bare metal shelves down both sides with lock boxes for storing things.  The ceiling had a place for a light fixture but none had been yet installed – there were just more wires hanging down.  Peggy and Howard were shoved into the tight space beyond, and the door shut with a very final-sounding thud, leaving them in pitch darkness.  Another clunk represented the lock sliding back into place.

“So now what?” asked Howard.

Peggy got out of her handcuffs and, since she couldn’t see to put them anywhere, simply dropped them on the floor.  “I haven’t the foggiest,” she said, and reached out to find his shoulder.  “Turn around, I’ll get your cuffs off.”

“You don’t have a plan?” Howard sounded surprised.

“I was dropped into this just as unprepared as you,” she reminded him.  “No, I do not have a plan.”

“I just assume you have a plan for everything,” said Howard.

Peggy dropped his handcuffs, too, on the floor.  “I’m afraid it never occurred to me that we might be teleported across the Atlantic and locked up in a walk-in safe,” she said.  He was between her and the entrance, so she pushed past him and began feeling around the back of the door.  There would be some kind of emergency release for if somebody were trapped… wouldn’t there?  It seemed a reasonable precaution.  “You’ve heard of die Glocke, right?” she asked.

“Yeah.  Some kind of HYDRA superweapon, possibly their version of the a-bomb,” he said.  “I never believed that.  If they’d had the bomb, they’d have used it.”

As far as Peggy could tell, the vault door was entirely featureless on the inside.  She stood on her tiptoes, trying to find the top of it, and when she couldn’t reach, she grabbed one of the shelves and, very gingerly, climbed up on it to help her reach.  The brief glimpse she’d gotten of them hadn’t looked very sturdy.  “If not the bomb, then what is it?”  Had anyone asked Zola about it when they’d brought him over to America?  She couldn’t recall reading about it.

“Nobody knows,” Howard admitted.  “It was one of their most closely-guarded secrets.  A lot of people said it didn’t exist.”

“You must have had ideas,” Peggy said.  Her fingers found the joint at the top of the door, but there was no emergency release there.  Even worse, there was a layer of rubber to muffle the sound when the door closed – that would also make an air seal, which meant in this confined space it was very quickly going to get hard to breathe.  Would either Zola or Sutcliffe realize that?

“Bob’s theory was that it must be something based on sound waves,” said Howard.  “That would be why they called it the Bell.  Sound’s just vibrations, and those can be very destructive.  That’s all an earthquake is.”

Bob was Robert Oppenheimer.  Howard had been on a first-name basis with the entire Manhattan Project and liked everybody to know it.  “A sonic weapon.”  Peggy climbed down from the shelves and squatted to try the bottom.  She brushed against Howard on the way.

“Something touched me!” he exclaimed.

“Calm down, it was just my arse,” Peggy said crossly.  “A sonic weapon, hmm?  If that’s all, why can’t they just build another one?  Why look for the original?”

“Maybe none of them remember how,” said Howard.

Peggy heard a scrape of metal on metal.  “What was that?” she asked.

“I’m checking the drawers,” Howard replied.  “This one’s got something in it…”

“Is it something I can get us out of a safe with?” Peggy asked.

“I don’t think so,” Howard said.  “I’ll check the others.”

It took a long time, although how long Peggy had no idea, because she couldn’t see her watch in the dark, but she eventually had to concede that there was apparently no way out.  There must have been some kind of ventilation, since her fears about the air getting stale did not come to pass, but with two bodies in the tiny space it started to get quite warm.  Howard checked the other drawers, and found most of them empty.  The object he’d pulled out of the one was about the size of a sheet of letter paper, an inch thick, rather heavy, and completely impossible to identify in the dark.

Peggy heard another drawer scrape open.  “Did you find something else?” she asked.

“No,” said Howard.  “I just have to pee.”

There was that, too.  “I’ll close my eyes,” said Peggy, turning towards the door again.

“It’s pitch black in here,” Howard said.  She heard him set the drawer on the floor.

“I’ll close them anyway,” she said, and did so.  He was right – it didn’t make any difference.  And it didn’t do anything about the sound, or the ammonia smell that reminded her it had been a while since she’d emptied her own bladder.  In the dark she was going to have a far more difficult time with it than Howard was.

Then she heard a sound.  It was very loud in the tiny metal space, and immediately identifiable – the sliding metal and muffled clunk of the door unlocking.  Peggy quickly reached to straighten her burgundy skirt suit, which had gotten a bit twisted up as she moved around in the dark, close space.  She had no intention of meeting the mysterious Mr. Smith looking a mess.

The light that came in was blindingly bright at first, and Peggy could see only a silhouette, but even that looked awfully small for a Mr. Smith, and she certainly hadn’t expected him to come alone.  She glanced back at Howard, who to her relief was quickly buttoning his trousers, then back at the intruder.

It was a young woman, and she was a very strange customer indeed.  She was quite small, which made her appear younger than she was – at a closer look Peggy estimated she was in her mid-to-late twenties.  Her hair was dyed in a rainbow of colours, and her eyebrows painstakingly drawn on with makeup.  Her eyes were gray.  She was wearing a tight black shirt with the word love across the front in red sequins, form-fitting denim trousers so torn and frayed they looked as if they'd been dragged behind a bus, and tall black suede boots.  While the clothing technically covered everything a lady was expected to cover, it fit her so closely as to leave her practically naked regardless.

She was staring at Peggy and Howard in shock, clearly far more surprised to find them than they were to see her.  Peggy had a sudden fear she knew where this was going – if this woman screamed, Sutcliffe, Zola, and their thugs would be in here in seconds.  She stepped forward and put a hand firmly over the woman’s mouth.

“Don’t scream,” she said.  “We’re not going to hurt you.  Do you understand me?”

The young woman nodded.

Howard had moved forward, too, and was staring at the intruder’s unusual clothing.  Peggy glared at him, then focused her attention back on the woman.  “My name is Peggy,” she said.  “What’s yours?”  Exchanging names helped establish trust, and the question would give the woman something to do with her mouth besides scream.  Very gently, she moved her hands away.  The woman was wearing matte lipstick in an improbable shade of baby blue.

“Toulouse,” she said.  “My name is Toulouse Sandhill.”

“Toulouse,” Peggy said.  “Lovely to meet you.”  She stood up a little straighter to look over the top of the young woman’s head.  Nobody else seemed to be in the office, but she couldn’t see what was outside the door.  “We’re in some trouble, as you might be able to tell.  We need a place to hide, quickly.  Can you help us?”  She was taking a terrible chance, she knew – they had no idea why this young woman was here or whether she might be with Zola and his party… though she hardly looked the type.

Toulouse’s eyes went from Peggy to Howard, and then to the floor, where the drawer Howard had been urinating in was still sitting.  She grimaced in disgust.

“We’ve been in here a few hours,” Howard said.

“Is this a kidnap?” Toulouse asked uncertainly.  “Am I going to end up in the sewer like Lesley Whittle?”

Peggy hadn’t heard about Lesley Whittle, but she could guess what must have happened to her.  “No,” she said.  “I promise you.  We just have to get out of this building, at once.”

Toulouse was still terrified, but she nodded.  “Come with me.  I know a place no-one will ever look for me.”

She gestured for them to come out into the office, and then made to close the safe before pausing, darting back in, and then returning with the flat object from the one occupied drawer clutched to her chest.  It was silver-gray in colour, with an odd sheen that was neither plastic nor metal, appeared to close like a book, and was no more identifiable in the light than in the dark.

Howard pushed the door shut and locked it, and he and Peggy followed Toulouse as she walked with the longest strides she was able across the lobby towards the doors.

[savrenim]

okay, so now that I know for certain that I’ve passed my written quals and am not being kicked out of grad school at least for a year to a year and a half until it’s time to take my oral quals but hey you’re allowed to fail those once sometimes so slightly less pressure, I have time to actually think about my writing 

so long post about ifmlam and what I’m going to do with it below the cut

I took a hiatus from writing ifmlam when I started grad school (or, actually, was finishing my undergrad thesis and then transitioning into grad school) because I did not have anywhere near enough free time to sustain a full-blown research project and also, you know, focus on my life and my career.

I’m still spending a shit-ton of time focusing on my life and my career, but I’ve also figured out a balance for some free time, which is potentially noticeable considering that I am in three semi-semi regular DnD campaigns and I write about those sometimes. And full disclosure? I’ve dabbled in other projects. I’ve had the time to write two games for gay theater camp, there is trash novel which is half a joke and half not, we’ll see if anything ever comes of it

Writing ifmlam has become more stressful for me than a writing project ever has been before, and quite frankly, stressful enough that all the work for it feels solidly like work and honestly more like work than all the times I’ve had to stay up until 3am doing functional analysis and all of the blood, sweat, and tears that went into learning the difference between integral domains and noetherian rings and Euclidean domains and when a maximal ideal is prime or just. everything that I’ve actually had to do this last year. I started writing it because I loved the musical hamilton and it was fun. I still love the musical hamilton, but honestly, actually learning about the historical setting has taken a shit-ton of the love and joy out of it for me because the historical counterparts to all of the characters were slave owners, and shitty people. and that’s just. unavoidable. and it just started to actively disgust me to write even as removed as characters based on musical characters based on slave owners, in a setting where slavery exists, and where it sometimes comes up in the plot. and it became a balancing game of how much research did readers think I was putting into this, to what degree is there separation of fanfiction and musical and reality, were people taking characterizations I was giving with enough of a grain of salt, and that’s not a responsibility that I want or thought I would ever have because I thought I was writing a super short piece about a musical that wouldn’t get that much attention about a subject that I was vaguely familiar with from high school but didn’t really know much about because it was not my subject, and, like, if I knew then what I knew now about the historical setting in general and the people, I might not have started writing this thing in the first place, or at least I would have set out very very differently. but I didn’t and now I’m in this quagmire and even though I want to finish, it is No Longer Fun For Me.

(also, I’ll be real, this point is slightly gay murder elf bachelorette’s fault for having approximately an equal population of f, m, and nb main characters, having the trans thing and then gay thing all going great, having gender and sexuality not matter in terms of characters’ political power and influence, and having mostly the female characters taking the spotlight, but, like. right now it seems like such a drag to go back to writing about just men? in a world where wheee it’s America in the late 1700′s, pretty much the only people wielding public power are the men. I don’t want to go back to writing about a bunch of dudes, I’m so tired about stories being all about dudes, both fanfiction and movies and novels, and gay murder elf bachelorette was the huge flashing neon sign of “well it doesn’t have to be.”)

I’m still going to try to finish ifmlam, because I hate leaving things unfinished, and I don’t like going back on my promises. But this has become something that might go from taking eh a hiatus I’ll work on it the moment I have free time to actively taking quite a while as I allow myself to work on other writing projects that make me happy and play a whole bunch of DnD. But I want to offer people an option: I have a full outline of what’s going to happen, and I have a number of the more fun and more emotional scenes in future chapters written up. I could just....post that. For people who don’t care about spoilers and want to get to imagine where the story goes and where it ends in their head instead of waiting however long it takes for the thing to actually update. Might take me another year or two at least to finish the next cycle, and there are seven cycles total. it’s a lot.

So....let me know I guess? I would like to solidly apologize if you’ve been waiting for an update for well over a year and it seems like I’ve been leading you on. I’ve been trying, really really hard. But it’s been nearly a year and a half and it’s time for me to actually be honest with myself about what I want to be writing and what I want to be doing. I hope you can all understand. And even if not, this is.....fanfiction that I have been devoting time and energy completely for free, so, thank you for your previous support and I hope you find other things in the fandom to read that update more frequently that you love.