#i constantly feel like im fucking up every conversation

[twirlyleafs]

“Priorities”

Carlos Sainz x Reader

Tw: nothing I think, some angst.

~~~~

It was late afternoon by the time Carlos had wrapped up his meetings, finally parking the car outside your shared apartment. Despite his tiredness he couldn’t help the small smile on his face, excited to finally come home and looking forward to unwind together with you. His mind was filled with thoughts of food, maybe you should cook together? Or order in from that little Italian place you loved so much? He thought of what to watch on tv, knowing at the same time that it didn’t matter much to him. Hed probably fall asleep with his head in your lap within a few minutes of you sinking down in the couch together. As he unlocked the door he call out a soft hello, expecting you to pop out from somewhere like you usually did and come greet him with a kiss. When you didn’t, the silence of the apartment made him almost uneasy. Carlos called out for you again, frowning when he didn’t get an answer. Confused he pulled his phone from his pocket, thinking he might’ve missed a message from you, but the only one was your short conversation from this morning. He hadn’t heard anything since he told you he was in a meeting and when he thought about it that was kind of wierd. Normally he’d come out of a meeting to at least one text from you, and probably a cute picture of something you’d seen or something you’d cooked. You liked to keep him updated and he loved getting updates. He frowned, pressing the button to call you. The frown only deepened when he was forced to listen to the singlas until it eventually went to voicemail. Maybe you were at the gym? Or in the store, or out with friends? You usually picked up when he called though. Sighing Carlos moved further into the apartment, sinking down in the couch with a deep breath. Lazily scrolling through his phone it took him a few minutes until his eyes stopped on a story posted by one of your friends. The scene was cozy, candle-lit table and a tightly squeezed group of people posing for the picture. Right in the center he saw you, eyes crinkling with laughter as you carefully cut up the cake placed infront of you. His heart skipped a beat and as his eyes moved to read the caption it sank all the way down into his stomach.

Happy birthday to the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful soul. Love you!

Your birthday. It’s your birthday today and he’d completely forgotten it. You’d reminded him, several times the past few weeks, and every time he’d promise that he would make it the best day ever. That you and him would spend it together, all day with full focus on you and not a single thought on anything else. He’d promised himself to leave work behind, even just for one day, to really be able to make it special for you and now here he stood imagining your face when you realized he hadn’t kept any of it. Carlos fingers flew over his screen, quickly trying to call you again. When you didn’t answer, he hadn’t expected you to, he typed out a message.

C: Carino I’m so sorry

C: Im sorry, please call me? Or let me come see you?

C: I can pick you up after your dinner and we can do something? Anything you like

C: I love you, I’m sorry

You didn’t respond at first and Carlos began pacing the apartment, the stress and guilt eating him up from inside. He was just about to call one of your friends when your message finally came.

Y: Im out with friends Carlos, it’s fine.

Y: Love you too

He stared at it, a lump in his throat. He hated that you said it was fine, he knows it’s not. He knows what he has done is not fine and he knows you are not feeling fine either. He can see you, surrounded by your friends but also being reminded that he completely fucked you over today. The words its fine didn’t feel right, he could practically feel the disappointment laced beneath them.

C: Please amor, let me make it up to you.

No reply. Carlos kept his phone by his side the whole evening, waiting and constantly checking the screen hoping to find you giving him another chance but the silence dragged on. As the hours ticked by he realized you weren’t letting him off the hook that easily, not that he thought you should, but the panic inside him grew. Today should’ve been about you, about showing you he was capable of putting work aside, proving that despite everything always being about racing you were his priority. He hated that you gave him so much of your time and energy and he just- forgot. When he finally heard the sound of a key in the door he scrambled to his feet and moved out into the hallway, just in time to see you step inside. Your eyes met for the briefest moment before you turned away, expression calm but guarded.

”Hey.” He started, voice soft and overflowing with regret. You offered a quiet greeting, still not meeting his gaze, and he continued. ”Im so so sorry. I forgot, and I know that such a dickmove and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I have no excuse, I just-”

”It’s fine Carlos.” You nodded, hanging up your coat with slow and steady movements. Your tone of voice betrayed you and Carlos could heard the hurt you tried to hide. ”I know you’re busy. Its fine. I didn’t want to bother you.” The words slipping from your lips had his chest tightening.

”You’re never a bother baby.” His words came out almost as whispers, eyes pleading. ”I- I know I messed up, I should’ve been here. I promise I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” He didn’t miss the way something flashed in your eyes, something hard and cold before your face softened. The sadness in your gaze when you watched him had him want to clutch his chest.

”You don’t have to promise anything Carlos.” The way you spoke was almost resigned. ”It’s fine. I just wish I didn’t feel like I’m something you have to work to fit into your schedule instead of something you actually want there.” The words stung, more than he had expected. Carlos wanted to reach for you, pull you close and tell you how important you were to him. That he’d give up everything else if you asked him to. But he didn’t, instead he just stood there looking into your eyes and realizing you didn’t want to talk to him right now. Carlos stayed still, watching you delicately make your way past him and he felt the weight of the promise that might’ve come a little too late this time.

That night, when Carlos eventually joined you in bed, he could feel the invisible wall between you. He caught himself glancing over, hoping you’d turn to him or shuffle closer like you’d usually do. He wanted nothing more than to have you curled up against his chest, but something in the air stopped him from reaching out. Instead he stared up at the ceiling, your earlier words replaying in his head. You felt like he didn’t want you, like you didn’t matter enough to him to make time for you in his schedule.

The days that followed didn’t seem to get any better. Carlos didn’t know how to approach the subject, didn’t know what to say, and you moved through the apartment like a ghost. You were always polite, always kind, but distant. When he asked if you wanted to join him for coffee or go for a run och a bike ride you’d shake your head while offering a soft smile, telling him you didn’t have time right now. When he tried to bring up the upcoming weekend, a weekend he knew was free for both you and him, and suggested that you’d plan a trip together you once again offered a sweet smile and told him you’d be up for whatever worked best for him. You stopped asking him for things, he noticed, and you never reached out first. When you kissed it was him who leaned in, when you ate together it was his suggestion. You didn’t remind him of plans, didn’t suggest movie nights, didn’t send him those funny little updates on your day when you were apart and he missed it. All of it. You didn’t even utter a word of complain when he was busy, you just let him go and never asked for even a moment of his time. Every time he noticed you step back something inside him twisted.

One evening, after Carlos had spent the day at the training center, he came home to find you sitting on the couch reading. You looked up at him when he entered, offered him a faint smile and a small hello, before turning back to your book. Usually, before all this, you’d be quick to ask him about his day, pull him down to cuddle with you and gently scratch the stress away from his scalp. But now it was as if you almost went out of your way not to talk to him. Carlos couldn’t stand it. It had only been a few days but the tension, the quiet ache of your absence was driving him mad. Taking a deep breath Carlos shuffled over, taking a seat on the coffee table infront of you. You shifted, glancing up at him, but didn’t speak.

”Can we talk?” His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. You hesitated, you hated that you did, before nodding slowly.

”Of course. What’s on your mind?” The way you answered, so calm and almost indifferent, made him have to swallow the lump in his throat. He took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully.

”It’s not about what’s on my mind, it’s about yours. I, well I can feel you pulling away and I get that it’s my fault, you know? I know it’s because of what happened but I- I don’t know how to fix it. ”

”Carlos,” you murmured, eyes trailing down to your fidgeting fingers. ”It’s fine. I told you, I don’t want to bother you. I know you’re busy, I know you don’t need more stress in your life.” The words hit him like a punch. A bother. He could tell you genuinely believed that, that you saw yourself like someone, something, that bothered him. After everything you’ve been through he’d somehow made you feel like an inconvenience in his life.

”Don’t say that.” His voice was strained as he leaned forward, elbows on knees. ”You’re not a bother. Never. I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I know forgetting your birthday was the dickmove of the century, I really fucked up-”

”It’s not about you forgetting my birthday Carlos.” You shook your head softly, interrupting him. ”Or, well it is but not just that. It’s that sometimes, more recently, it feels like there’s no room for me in your life. Like you’re not willing to make room. I’m here all the time and you come find me when it’s convenient.” Carlos flinched, words cutting through his heart like sharp blades. You were right, he knew you were, but he hadn’t been willing to admit it earlier. He barely was now. You’d always been so kind, so understanding and supportive of his career and his demanding schedule and your support meant the world to him. He hated that he hadn’t showed you that. He hated himself for taking it for granted.

”I know I haven’t been good at- well at balancing things.” As he spoke his voice was thick with regret. ”And I know it’s been a lot recently, but carinõ I never meant to make you feel like, like you’re on the outside. I see you as a part of my life, like the biggest part. You’re what’s important.” Your gaze stayed trained on your hands, expression softening but still guarded.

”That’s nice to hear.” Murmured words had him carefully reach out to wedge his hand between yours and for the first time in days you didn’t pull away. ”I get that you have a lot on your plate and I want to support you I just, I don’t know if I can keep pretending it doesn’t hurt.”

”You shouldn’t. Pretend, I mean.” Silence settled slowly as Carlos tried to gather his thoughts. He held your hand tightly, thumb swiping gently across your knuckles. He knew what he wanted to say, he wanted to throw promises at her and beg her to give him another chance, but he also knew that wouldn’t cut it. Carlos understood that whatever he said now wouldn’t matter until he actually showed you, showed up for you, and he silently promised himself he would. As a single drop hit the back of his hand his eyes quickly trailed back to your face, feeling his chest clench as he watched yet another tear slowly slip down your cheek. With a deep breath he squeezed your hand, leaning closer. ”Can I please hold you?” The question felt weird on his tongue, he’d never asked for permission to touch you before, but it seemed necessary in the situation. When you offered a small nod, sniffing quietly, Carlos didn’t hesitate. In a swift maneuver he was seated next to you in the couch, arms wrapped around your frame as you fell against him. He released a shaky breath when he felt your arms snake around his torso and he pulled you somehow even closer, nose pressed against the top of your head.

”I missed you.” Your voice was barely audible but Carlos could feel the words seep into his skin.

”I missed you too.” He spoke against your hair. ”And I know I will have to show you for you to believe me, but I really am sorry. You deserve a lot more than I’ve given you lately and I promise I’ll be better. I’ll make time, real time, for us. You’re the most important person in my life, you’re my person, and I’m not losing you.” Carlos eyes fluttered open as you slowly pulled away, looking up at him with a mixture of sadness and hope.

”I really hope you mean it.”

”I do.” You held his gaze in silence for what felt like forever until you finally nodded.

”Okay.”

~~

The days went on after that and soon enough days turned into weeks, weeks into months. Carlos had really realized what he had been doing to you, how his neglect had chipped away at the foundation of what you had built together, and he’d been working on it. Really working on it. At first it was awkward, you both thought so. Carlos wasn’t used to scheduling his time around someone else, not in the way you needed or in the way he wanted to offer. He had to force himself to slow down, to prioritize moments with you. He learned to say no, to meeting, to interviews, to unnecessary events because he had realized what it cost him to always say yes. The reward for saying no though, was what really brought him happiness. Every time he chose you, every time he prioritized you over the demands that came with his career, he saw something in your eyes. Relief, hope, love. It hadn’t been easy though, not all of it. There were moments when he still caught you hesitating before asking for something, moment when he knew you were keeping yourself in check not to be a bother, and every time it broke his heart a little bit. One time you carefully suggested that the two of you could take a small trip, since both of you were off work for a few days, and he could tell you were bracing yourself for disappointment even as you asked the question. He knew you still kept a lot of your feelings to yourself, brushing off things that upset you, and that’s what hurt him the most. Knowing you were still healing from what he’d put you through. There were good moments too, the majority actually, that made both of you feel like you were moving in the right direction. Like when he surprised you with a packed picnic basket one morning when you thought he would be at work. Or that time he saw you smile, really smile, when you heard him turn down a late-night meeting just to stay in and watch your favorite show together. It was a slow process, earning back your trust, but he was determined to make it.

One evening you sat on the balcony together, the glow of the city and the sinking sun blending together in front of you. Carlos had you tucked closely to his side, fingers twisting a strand of your hair absentmindedly as both of you just seemed to enjoy your time together.

”You’re quiet tonight.” Your soft murmur had him gazing down at you, smiling softly when he saw your face already turned up. Carlos moved his free hand to brush a strand of hair from your cheek.

”I’m just thinking.”

”About what?” Carlos hesitated, unsure how to express what he was feeling. When you reached up to grab his hand, tilting your head in that way he always found so endearing, he spoke up again.

”About how lucky I am. That you’re still here, with me, you know? That you didn’t give up.”

Your expression softened if possible even more, fingers intertwining with his. ”I never wanted to give up Carlos, I never wanted us to end.” You assured him, brows softly knitting together. ”I just needed to know if you actually wanted me here.” Carlos chest tightened, reminders of those painful days when he didn’t know if he’d be able to fix what he caused flashing through his mind.

”I do. I did and I do. I’ll always want you, need you.” He paused to lean down and press his lips against your forehead for a moment, taking a deep breath in through his nose as he gathered his composure. “I’ll never stop trying to show you how much you belong in my life, how important you are to me. Because you are.” Carlos tensed for a second as you pulled away, holding his breath as you looked at him. When you finally moved again you slowly leaned up to kiss him, lips soft and warm against his, and Carlos felt himself relax again. As you pulled back he saw a glimmer of something in your eyes, something lighter, as if the weight you’d been carrying was slowly starting to lift.

”Thank you.” Once again your words came out soft, softer than he felt he deserved.

”For what?”

”For fighting for us. For wanting to make this work. You could’ve just given up and focused all your time on all your other stuff, but you’ve really tried.” Your words had him melt, the arm he had around your shoulders tightening slightly. ”I do really appreciate these past months Carlos, and I know it hasn’t been easy but it’s been good. Great. You’ve been great.”

”It hasn’t been easy.” He agreed slowly. ”But it has been worth it. Every time.” Carlos leaned in to press another gently kiss against your lips before continuing. ”I’ll always fight for us. For you.” He didn’t say anything else. Neither did you. You didn’t have to. You just sat there, tangled together in the quiet and felt the wave of security and gratitude wash over you. Things were going to be okay, both of you knew it. Maybe even better than okay.

[pastrycreamsicle]

why am i so bad at keeping in touch with people??!? not knowing what a frienship actually means???! i feel like im doing everything wrong. i feel like i never tried hard enough in all my 23 years of coordinating with people

[erisolkat]

god i hate everyone

[palms-upturned]

.

[nomairuins]

i literally likw felt sick hust now bc i thought abt gay people and ive just realized as i was about to hit post that this sounds homophobic. it was pure envy unfortunately

[gales-boyfriend]

i got like an hour of sleep

[chron0ph0bia]

you parents constantly telling u the shit that you've been trying to unlearn surely is smth

[notagoodomen]

in the past few days i found myself unable to answer a simple question as 'how are you?' because there is literally NOTHING going on in my life as in actual events that i expierience. still there are a billion things that are going on in my head only but none of them feel worthy of being the answer to that question

[gaystardykeco]

what to do when im obsessing and obsessing over conversations and interactions again but like the mistakes im finding are very real mistakes in a very real pattern that ive been trying to fix for years and keep getting worse about instead so like clearly the obsessing is warranted but also its eating my brain from the inside out

[munch-mumbles]

latest thing for kj to get freaked out over: his rapidly declining speech abilities

[meatonfork]

Comfort in Company

————————————————————————————————————————

pairing: logan “wolverine” howlett x reader

warnings: nightmares, reader has longish hair, no pronouns used (i think) pls let me know. poc friendly! also, let me know if there are mistakes, im tired. and i think that’s it!

word count: roughly 3.7k

a/n: i have wolverine brain rot 😔 lord help me. i may be a lesbian, but he is a very pretty man

————————————————————————————————————————

It took three excruciatingly long months for Logan to stop looking at you with disdain in his eyes. The man in question was a lone wolf. He valued his alone time, often communicating in grunts and a roll of his eyes, or he’d simply just walk away. But, he never failed to do what you so kindly asked him to do. If you happened to lock eyes from across the room, his eyes would always hold a certain edge that basically screamed “I don’t like you; I don’t want you here.” But, you never took it to heart. 

Much to Logan's discontent, you were persistent. You saw him as a challenge. Someone to crack. The reward was far too enticing for you to back down. Any excuse to talk to him was ready at the tip of your tongue. To him, you were a never ending ray of sunshine. And, fuck. It annoyed him to no end. You constantly bounced around the mansion, never seeming to slow down. A seemingly permanent smile was etched onto your face. The kids adored you. Shortly after arriving, you became a fan favorite. Your maternal nature made the kids feel at home. A common theme amongst the young mutants being a lack of familial love and support, and you were more than happy to provide. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Three months passed before you had a normal conversation with the man, one that wasn’t him just grunting or a small comment that was nearly too quiet for you to hear. It was a late Tuesday night, and you happened to be in the kitchen preparing a new recipe for your class. Teaching kids to cook their own meals rather than relying on ramen or something that could be nuked in the microwave made you feel important. A purple, well loved apron adorned your frame. Green leaves, and pretty pink flowers were embroidered on the front pockets. Flour covered your front in small hand prints from where you had wiped your hands to flip through the pages in front of you. Your hair was pushed out of your face, the warm lighting forming a halo over the crown of your head.

Logan waltzed into the kitchen looking for a glass of water. Another sleepless night had taken over, and he couldn’t sit in bed restless any longer. His figure paused upon seeing you working. A tune poured past your lips as you hummed, a melody he wasn’t quite familiar with. He couldn’t quite get his feet to move any further. Yeah, the man could be brash (a dick, if you will), but he wasn’t blind. Anybody would have to be if they couldn’t see your beauty. Your nose sloped perfectly, and when you concentrated your brows furrowed just right. The apple of your cheeks were smooth, and in this lighting Logan couldn’t find a single flaw. The way your sweats fit just right, or the way your long sleeves were pushed up your forearms. Logan couldn’t deny you looked most at peace when you worked in the kitchen, almost like you were destined to cook and care for others. And, maybe you were. You were certainly good at it. 

He had been the subject of many of your affections. Coffee brewed and his favorite mug laid out for him when he gets up in the morning, even though you’re not there anymore. Leftovers often being set aside for him late at night, his name written on the foil with a little heart. Even his laundry would be folded in a basket and set outside his door on occasion. And every single time, he knew it was you. Your sweet smell often lingered, letting him know he had just barely missed you nearly every time. 

“Oh! Hi, Logan,” you turned your head to peek over your shoulder. A small patch of flour rested on your cheek, “Are you looking for something?” Your voice was soft, just like everything else about you.

Breaking out of his thoughts, he shuffled closer, reaching around you to grab a glass from the cupboard. A grunt escaped his lips, “Jus’ water.” 

The rumble of his gravely sleep voice traveled from his chest to your back where his slightly unzipped hoodie clad chest brushed your backside, causing your eyes to widen just slightly. His pajama pants were slightly too long, the shuffle of them on the floor being the only thing that indicated he stepped away from you aside from the warmth that left you. 

You hummed in reply, not pushing your luck with a forced conversation. Your hands went back to kneading the dough in front of you before you put it back in the bowl. 

“What.. what are you making? Smells good,” he leaned back against the counter, just to your right. Fatigue weighed heavy on his face, and his hair was sticking up in random tufts from what you assumed to be tossing and turning. He looked soft.

“Just prepping some dough for the tarts I’m having the kids make tomorrow. I figured it’d be easier to make the dough to avoid the inevitable flour fights,” a small chuckle escaped your lips, a fond smile taking over your features. 

Logan tilted his head, “Probably the smartest move.”

“I like to think so. Hey, I can save some for you, if you’d like of course. You don’t have to if you d-” Your voice became timid. The idea of having an actual conversation with Logan was starting to hit you, and your nervousness moved to the forefront of your mind.

Logan cut you off with a chuckle, “That’d be nice, sweetheart. Thanks.”

Your face heated up at his words, and that fucker definitely noticed. And, boy oh boy, did he find it amusing.

“Okay, yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure the kids don’t eat them all.” You gave a little nod, and a comfortable silence fell over the two of you. The only sounds were coming from you moving about, putting ingredients away and putting the dough in bowls. 

Your voice broke the silence, “Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.” His voice held amusement, a small quirk of his eyebrow.

“You know what I mean, smartass.” You quipped back, a small smile tugging on your lips. He grunted with a nod, his hands moving to rest on either side of his hips upon the counter. His eyes followed your movements back and forth from the counter to the fridge.

“I think I’m a little confused. And, please, don’t take this the wrong way. But, why are you sitting with me? I got the impression you were never particularly fond of me.” You pursed your lips, eyes drifting up to his. Your voice was soft, almost as if you were trying to avoid scaring him off. 

A sigh left his lips, “Thought it was time to stop bein’ a dick and talk to ya. I notice, you know?” 

Your head tilted, “What do you mean?” A curious glint flashed over your eyes. Your hands slowly wiped the rest of the flour off onto your apron. Logan couldn’t help but think you looked so small. So pretty. 

“The things you do f’me. I notice them.. Thank you.” His eyes cast downward, suddenly finding the kitchen floor interesting. 

A small flicker of recognition passed over your face. You smiled and reached for the small kitchen towel that rested on your shoulder, hands ringing the small material, “Well, you’re welcome. Honestly, I thought it would be a while longer before I got any thanks out of you.” 

Logan scoffed, “Fuck off. The smell of the dough helped more than anything.” 

“Sure, buddy.” You teased. You turned back to the counter, wiping it down.

He moved to put his cup in the sink, “You should head to bed soon. You could definitely use some beauty sleep, sweetheart.” No you couldn’t. If Logan was forced at gunpoint to tell the truth, he’d say he’d never seen anything so beautiful. But, Logan doesn’t say those things. He barely let himself think them.

“Pot? Kettle? Black? You’re one to talk, do you see your hair?” A loud laugh echoed in the kitchen. Logan’s heart skipped a beat. How had he never noticed how lovely your laugh was? 

“Whatever. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t forget to save me some, yeah?” He moved towards the hall, a small smile cast your way. 

“Goodnight, Logan. I’ll see you in the morning.” Your sweet voice trailed behind him.

Logan made his way back upstairs and to his room, three doors down from yours. As he passed your room, he could smell your sweet perfume leaking from under the door. Just like every other time he passed by. Sleep seemed to come much easier for him that night. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Since that small interaction, Logan had slowly warmed up to you. After discovering your laugh was his new favorite sound, he’d find any and all ways to make you produce the sound. He didn’t care if you were laughing at or with him. Although, it was more often the former. He started paying more attention to when you’d do small favors for him, finding you later and being sure to thank you. Small touches to your lower back, your shoulder, your elbow. Tying your apron on late nights when your hands were covered in goo from dough, or sauce for some other dish. He became the person you’d have taste test whatever new recipe you wanted to try out. 

“Needs more salt, bub.” He put the spoon back in the saucepan, taking a step back to let you work your magic. 

“Okay, thanks. Do you think it needs anything else?” You moved to the side just a bit to grab the salt, your arm brushing his as you stretched. 

He gave a small shake of his head, “Nah.” He moved to the cupboards to grab plates for the table. Small, casual conversation flowed easily between you two.

 ————————————————————————————————————————

When you weren’t in the kitchen, or your classroom, you could be found in the greenhouse. Your mutation helped largely with producing thriving fruits and vegetables. Beautiful flowers and vines practically overtaking the outside of the building. You made your way through the courtyard, a basket of freshly picked fruits and vegetables sat on your hip. The sounds of the children’s laughter echoing in the air. You raised your free hand to wave at Storm and Rogue, a beaming smile taking over your face when they yelled a hello your way. Dirt covered your hands, your boots not much better off. Your gloves stuck out the front pockets of your gardening apron, cheeks speckled with dirt from when you tugged on the small leaves of the precious foods and they gave way easier than expected. 

“Good bunch today?” Logan asked as he pushed off the brick wall near the entrance of the large school, cigar between his lips. 

“No smoking in the courtyard, Lo.” You slapped his hand away from the strawberries he set his sight on, “And don’t touch the fruit, it’s for the kids.” 

He tsked a little before bringing his hand up to the cigar, “Ah, c’mon, bub. They look so good. You really know what you’re doin’ in there.”

“Okay, fine. Just one. I mean it, Logan.” You give him a pointed look, letting it be known you mean business. But, Logan catches the amusement in your eyes, letting him know he could probably get away with having two. So he does. Popping one in his mouth as you both go up the steps, he holds one in front of your mouth, letting you take it between your teeth. 

“Mmm. You’re right, I do know what I’m doing.” You hum, savoring the sweet taste. Logan watches as your tongue darts from your mouth, licking the sweet juice that stained your lips a light shade of red. 

“Yeah you do,” he mumbles out, eyes captivated by the swift movement. 

“What?” Your eyes move to his.

“Nothin’. Come on, let’s get these washed up.” He opens the door, allowing you to duck under his arm as he follows you into the kitchen. 

————————————————————————————————————————

A storm raged outside. Loud booms of thunder echoed through the school, and lightning flashed and illuminated the dimly lit common room you were sat in. A small fire was lit in the fireplace as a large blanket covered your pajama clad legs. Logan found you curled up on the couch, windows slightly open letting a small breeze in, and nose deep in a book. 

“Hey,” you jumped at the sound of his voice, swiftly turning your head to see him leaning against the doorframe, “Sorry, bub, didn’t mean to scare ya. Mind if I join you?” You took in his attire. The usual white tank covered with a slightly unzipped hoodie, and a pair of grey sweats resting deliciously on his hips.

“Yeah, of course you can, Lo.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, not wanting to disturb the soft atmosphere blanketing you both. Your hand patted the space right beside you as you shifted your legs so your feet rested on the ground. The larger man pushed off the doorframe and made his way to you. He lowered himself to sit next to you, and grabbed your legs to shift them over his lap. You settled yourself against him, splaying the blanket to cover the both of you while your back leaned on the armrest of the couch. 

He ran his hands up and down your calves through the blanket, “What’re you readin’?”

“What the River Knows. It’s really good,” You blinked up at him. 

“Tell me about it, bub.” Hands pulling you closer as you shiver at the slight breeze. As you explained the plot up to the point you’ve read, talking animatedly with your hands, Logan can’t help but to soften his eyes. You get so excited when you talk about things you love. Teaching, cooking and baking, working in the greenhouse or gardening, and now reading. Your voice was still hushed to keep the peace, but the enthusiasm was there all the same. He finds his eyes drifting over your face, lingering on your lips. Soft and plump, still etched in that permanent smile despite him knowing how tired you truly were. He nodded along as you spew, your love for the book coming out like a waterfall. He feigned shock when you revealed plot twists, or anger when you explained how pissed one of the main characters made you. 

Logan’s fingers slightly dug into your flesh as you sat against him. He provided input where he saw fit, fingers dancing along your legs before holding you closer. His features totally relaxed as you rambled, “Sounds like a good book, sweetheart.” 

You finally notice how close you two are, and your heartbeat slightly picks up while your breath hitches. He notices, of course he does. He can hear it thanks to his mutation. He quickly quirks his lips into a small smile seeing your flustered state. His fingers reach up to push some hair behind your ear, and your eyes move straight to his lips. 

You don’t know who moved first, you or him. But the moment your lips touched, you find it didn’t matter. It was slow and languid, eyes falling closed. His hands slowly moved from your calves to your hips, encouraging you to straddle his lap. Your own hands slowly slid up his abdomen, one settling on his chest while the other traveled to the nape of his neck, tugging lightly on the hair at the base. Logan lets out a low groan at the tug, allowing you to slip your tongue into his mouth. You fought for dominance, but in the end he won. Heavy breathing filled the air as you pulled back, his hands ran up and down your back as he pulled you a little closer. You gained the courage to look him in the eyes, finding him already looking at you. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re gorgeous.” He whispered, eyes filled with warmth as he ducked his head to kiss the skin where your shoulder meets your neck, his hair tickled your cheek. 

“I really like you, Lo.” Your whisper met his ear as you leaned your head forward to rest on his chest, cheeks warm.  

Logan squeezed you softly in response, “Me too, hon.”

You slowly sat up, fingers toying with the hair on his cheeks, making his face nuzzle into your palm, “Can you read to me?”

He let out a soft chuckle, “‘Course I can.”

You settled back into his lap, arms wrapped around one of his as he picked up where you left off. The rumble of his voice vibrated through his chest into your ear as your head rested on him. Your eyes flitted up to look at him every so often, and he’d look back at you, ready to press a soft, chaste kiss to your forehead. 

Twenty minutes more of listening to his hushed reading, and you were out cold.

————————————————————————————————————————

When it came to Logan, most everyone knew he had burdens he kept under a tight lock. You saw the scars that ran over his skin. Sheets and mattresses with puncture wounds, and small tears in them. You’d seen them first hand folding his laundry when he forgot it in the dryer. You never pried, it wasn’t your business and if he wanted to talk to you about the horrors that kept him awake into the ungodly hours of the night, he would. In your mind (and pretty much everyone else's), his gruff exterior was a way of deflecting just how broken he really was. You admired his strong will and the way he was able to keep it under wraps in front of people. Most times. 

For you it was a little harder. Logan could hear you on the nights where nighterrors plagued your dreams. The sniffles echoing down the hall and the way you'd shuffle about. Lamps being turned on, and books being moved until you found the one that would keep you company until dawn. In the morning, he’d ask you how you slept. You’d always reply with some sort of answer most people expect to hear, but the small bags under your eyes and the tired smile you’d give him were always a dead giveaway. But, just like you, he wouldn’t pry until you were ready. Luckily for the both of you, those nights happened to be far and few between. 

Things were going good for you and Logan. Not much had changed in routine aside from a few more lingering stares, shared kisses, and naps thrown in here and there. You were in tune to each other, more communication when it came to feelings. That was exciting; hearing Logan express his love for you was something you thought you’d never get tired of and Logan felt the exact same. And, you didn’t get tired of hearing it. But, damn were you tired in general. 

It was late. Classes long over, and kids in bed hours ago. Too scared to go to bed, you sat in your warm classroom, forcing yourself to find something to do. Your eyes were hazy as they reread the lesson plans for the next two weeks. Nightmares had been taking over the last few nights. Forcing you to find something to do rather than sleep comfortably. You rubbed at your eyes, debating on getting up and making yourself a cup of coffee, late hour be damned. Your limbs ached and your head felt as if it was damn near ready to explode. With your elbows propped on your desk, you let your head plop into your hands with a heavy sigh. 

A soft knock lightly echoed through the room, causing you to slowly lift your head up. Logan stood by the door, a concerned frown and drawn eyebrows looked back at you. A sigh left his lips upon seeing the dark circles under your bloodshot eyes. 

He promptly made his way to you with hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, “You’re exhausted, honey.” Logan wasn’t dumb, he knew you weren’t sleeping well. But, he was tired of waiting for you to come to him. 

“I’m too scared to sleep,” Your voice barely a whisper. Tears welled in your eyes at the thought of sleeping only to awake alone. Logan lowered himself onto the edge of your desk, letting your head rest on his thigh. He put a hand on your head, and brushed your hair back. “Why didn’t you come to me, bub?” He all but cooed at you, voice soft yet firm.

“I don’t want to be a burden. You have your own problems too, Lo.” Your voice was muffled by the flesh of his thigh. 

“A burden?” He tsked, “No, no, no, honey. I want you to come find me. No matter the time, or if I’m asleep. Wake me, okay?” His hand continued to work its way through your hair, a content sigh left your lips. 

You whispered out, “Okay, but only if you find me too. Okay?”

“Okay,” he patted your head, “Time for bed, sleepyhead. Come on, I’ve got you.” He gently moved his hand from your head to your arm, giving a light tug to help you to your feet. The moment you stood, his hands found your cheeks forcing you to look up at him. A small pout was on your lips, tears still in your eyes. He cooed and moved his face closer to yours to give you a light kiss. His thumbs worked the tears off the apple of your cheeks, and he pulled back, “I love you, you know?”

“I know,” you nod. “I love you too.”

————————————————————————————————————————

a/n: thank you so much for reading <3

[konigsblog]

MORE LOSER KÖNIG PLEASE ORLA IM ON MY KNEES 🙏🏻🙏🏻🥹

more loser-könig thots™️... specifically, loser-könig fawning over someone he cannot have. :(

cw: RAPE/NON-CON, intoxcation & drugging. 18+ dead dove: do not eat. 🪦🕊️

perhaps it's embarrassing for him, but könig will do anything to get his hands on you, even just for a simple kiss. he's humiliated that he's this desperate, but seeing you love and dote on your boyfriend breaks him – that man, who is taking his spot, who is stealing you from him.

it's shameful, but he has to feel you, at least once. könig is aware that you're loyal and trustworthy, you'd never go out of your way to hurt someone, but the pathetic loner in the corner drools over you regardless, and he'll do anything to get you to cheat on that bastard. it's pathetic to see, really – it's the reason he's a social outcast; constantly trying to destroy relationships out of jealousy and spite.

he's never experienced nor felt this type of love for someone before, until you came along – another university student, the one he protectively watches from afar – totally no other reason... people get uncomfortable near könig, as they've seen him rubbing one out whilst watching you closely and protectively, like a wolf hunting it's prey.

although, despite people warning you about könig, you're nothing but sweet and polite to him. you try to make sure he's aware that you're not leading him on, or looking for a relationship, but könig can't differentiate a normal conversation and you flirting with him, leading him to become increasingly more touchy and flirty.

your boyfriend isn't as smart, nor as wealthy as könig. i believe könig may have grown up in a rich family, without getting any attention, causing him to become depraved for anything he can grasp (or maybe, he grew up poor, who knows...) you'd be better off with könig, who'd financially support you and fuck your brains out every night.

könig struggles to accept it, that you're uninterested. he can't fathom how you wouldn't want him, as he's been so kind towards you. to könig, he's doing more than the bare minimum by speaking to you politely, as he will snarl at those for no reason, a judgemental asshole who's hated by most...

he'll just have to take matters into his own hand, when you're drunk, he'll slip something into your drink, drugging you. then, he'll undress you in the bathroom, peeling your clothes off gently, whilst covering your eyes while you giggle your boyfriend's name.

poor thing, you didn't even realise you were getting fucked by that pervert people warned you about ‘til you felt the sheer size of his bulbous, lengthy cock easing further inside, larger than what you remember...

too bad that you're drunk and weakened, unable to stop könig from carrying out his wildest fantasies. ;(

[spideysbruh]

defender

liked by y/n and 5,166,266 others

tchalamet babygirl

view all 96,777 comments

timmysgf eughh brother eughhh

florencepugh you guys are the besttt

laurieslaurence mis padres

fxckyn do you think she forces him to post this stuff

tchalamet do you think you can shut up and log out forever ?

leexyn AHHH GOT YOUR ASS YOU MAD

liked by rachelzegler, chappellroan and 3,277,222 others

y/n no one knows about the words that we whisper

view all 91,266 comments

ynsblanket I'm so happy that she's surrounded by ppl that really love and care for her

busyyn fr she gets so much hate for no reason

sweetyn omg taylor and y/n crossover slayy

tchalamet 🥰🥰🥰

fuxkyn she always has to post him for likes so embarrassing

tchalamet and what do you post for your 3 followers? constant bullshit? does anyone even see it???

goodyyn ate her up LMAOOO

rachelzegler we've gotta sit around a campfire like once a month forever now

y/n liked

y/n no like let's make it a tradition fr

tsgf bro she needs a job

tchalamet she has one. unlike you

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- my one and only

@timandynupdates just tweeted- NEW photos from this past week of Timothée and Y/n on vacation. They appeared to be having a deep conversation, as Y/n was crying at a certain point, with Chalamet consoling her.

@yoursongyn replied- ITS CAUSE OF ALL THESE ASSHOLES WHO THINK THEYRE TIMOTHÉES GIRLFRIEND ISTG

@ynsucks replied- THEY BROKE UP OMG

@lauriesrings replied to @ynsucks- bitch they're literally kissing after stfu are you dumb

@pinksyn replied- yall need to behave before they both turn off their comments. or worse and get off social media completely

@kylesgf replied- oh my goddd she's so overdramatic

y/n just posted a story!

caption- nothing and no one makes me happier than you do. @tchalamet 💕

liked by y/n, tayrussell and 4,166,266 others

tchalamet I love feeling like nothing else matters when im with you.

view all 101,166 comments

y/n i love you

fuxkyn ughhhh

florencepugh I miss you both!!

tsgf I've had enough of this bitch

tchalamet that's crazy cause I was just thinking the same thing about you!

tsgf wtf. i'm not supporting you anymore.

tchalamet thank god

zendaya yall disgust me every time we hang out

tchalamet and y/n liked

directyn TIMMY SHUT THEM UPPPP FINALLY

liked by sabrinacarpenter, tchalamet and 4,717,223 others

y/n is it new years yet?

view all 81,177 comments

rachelzegler jesus was seen.

liked by y/n

laurieslaurence MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLDDD

tchalamet goddess.

liked by y/n

paulsgf why are all the comments nice😭 why we lyinggg

tchalamet the only lying going on is your parents when they said they were proud of you

spideyyn oh my g- 💀💀💀 LMAOOOO

paulsarrakis bro he hates these ppl LMAOOO

tchalamet yup

tchalamet like seriously babe, what the fuuuuck😩

liked by y/n

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- golden globes 😳😳

@celebnews just tweeted- Y/n and Timothée Chalamet seen at a golden globes after party

@carpenyn replied- the hand placement in his story is killinggg me omgg hottest couple ever

@paulslauries replied- I rly admire y/n, she's shown so much resilience with the way she's been treated online, and she doesn't seem to let it affect her. mad respect 🙏🏽

@bluesyn replied- oh to be a fly on the wall for their convos

@mistleyn replied- THEYRE SO CUTE BRO WTFFFF😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

@timmylaurie replied- I love how he constantly defends her, even though he shouldn't have to but people are fucking weirdos

@fuxkyn replied to @timmylaurie- we're not weird, we just know that he can do better and she's no good for him!!

@badideayn replied to @fuxkyn- yk you're just proving their point 💀

y/n just posted a story!

liked by y/n, oliviarodrigo, rachelzegler and 11,543,555 others

tchalamet why is it so hard to let people live their lives? I don't know you, you definitely don't know me, and you never will. you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and the things that we talk about because people don't know how to act. that ends now, please stop. enough is enough. thank you

comments on this post have been limited

rachelzegler it had to be said! people can be cruel, I know firsthand how it can be

tchalamet liked

florencepugh well said!

sabrinacarpenter !!!!!

justinbieber some people will never get it. you guys got this!!

y/n JUSTIN BIEBER?!??!!

liked by oliviarodrigo, tchalamet and 6,266,277 others

y/n all mine

view all 121,555 comments

laurieslaurence TELL THEMMMMM

tchalamet my favorite person

logicalyn cryinggg they're so cute 🥺😭💕

kylesballs okay she's actually so cool wtf

curlyyn he'll choose her every time 🥺😭😭😭 I love them

liked by y/n, zendaya and 12,188,332 others

tchalamet my forever

view all 142,277 comments

jowegottahaveitout crying. he won't let them win!!

stayyn I KNOW THATS RIGHTTTT

y/n we're cute or whateverrrr

tchalamet liked

*

[polakina]

how they act when they're jealous

call of duty headcanons #5

hc masterlist // masterlist

god i love seeing jealousy in men. and i love the 141. so this is a nice happy medium

ALSO im running out of ideas AHH pls send me some. i need to write more

rating: explicit

-

stone-faced expression

teeth gritted

if looks could kill, they'd be dead

you'd all gone out after a long mission to unwind

gaz and soap took the opportunity to try and out drink eachother while simon stayed pretty much to himself

but price had alternative plans for the night

keeping an eye on you

not that you needed the supervision, but when you drank, you liked to wander. he'd been thinking about tying a balloon to your shirt when you all went out to make sure you were still in the building

he was considering it right this second, after he'd lost sight of you for a third time that night

then he caught you, at the bar, most likely ordering another round of drinks. you looked happy, smiling. it was nice for him to see after such a strenuous three weeks you'd all just had

but his eyes turned black when he saw a guy come up next to you, hand reaching for your waist

he'd left his drink with simon, made his way over to you and stood directly behind you as you were turned to the man before this asshole even formulated a hello

you'd felt a presence behind you, knowing it was john and not even turning to see if you were right. but by the look on that guy's face, you probably were

"best just to walk away, eh?" you heard from behind you. it made you smirk as the guy scuttled away like a raccoon in a trash can

turning to see john's stoic expression, his piercing gaze boring into the guy's head until he was out of view

had his hand on you the whole night after that

it felt like a protective grip on your thigh

his jaw was clenched and you felt his eyes on you constantly, but every time you looked at him, his gaze was elsewhere

feels the need to touch every part of you to eradicate any sense of that other guy's hands on you

turns dominant, holding you down, kissing every part of you

"can't believe he thought he had a chance" "fuckin' arsehole thinks he can put his hands on you" "need reminding that you're mine, hmm? is that it?"

you love it when he gets jealous

you're not leaving the bed for hours

he fucks you raw. hard.

your throat is hoarse and your voice is gone by the time he's done

you can barely lift your arms or legs afterwards; they're shaking and sore from his harsh grip on your thighs

his manhandling is rough, but you love it. you submit to it as he pounds into you until the sun peeks through your curtains

graves is who riles him the most on base

especially when he's talking to you

graves has a certain way of annoying ghost but making it seem like an entirely normal conversation to you

just by existing, he gets on ghost's nerves

"you look good in that gear, honey. suits you" was all ghost could hear from the air field

it enraged him completely. everyone saw it. you brushed it off, and saw ghost glaring at the two of you

you smirked, catching his eye. he cocked his head, almost daring you to further this

always quiet when he's jealous

just likes to watch, unless something goes too far. then he steps in

but with this, he wanted until you came to him

you did, an hour later in the armoury. he busied himself cleaning his weapons as you came into the room

you knew that look, the one he gave you

he always gave you that look. whether it was because some man gave you attention, or you flirted for intel undercover, or even if someone looked at you for too long

he didn't speak. he just walked over to you, towering above you while reaching behind your back to lock the door

he liked to make you know that you were his

"letting graves give you all that attention, hmm?" his voice was decibles lower than usual when he was like this. it made your walls clench just hearing it. "that man was looking you up and down like a piece of meat. can't have that, can we?"

liked to hear you cry out his name when he fucked you

can't feel jealous if someone else's name isn't in your mouth, can he?

with each thrust he coaxed you, ordered you to tell him who you belonged to

the table which you sat on rammed into the wall every time his cock pushed deeper and harder into you

his hand on your throat forcing you to look at him, into his eyes, fingerprints bruising into your skin

his hands slapped against your thigh, marking your skin a deep red

never let you cover it up the next day either, you had that shit on show, for all ghost could say

graves steered clear of you after that

as a commanding officer, you trained the rookies

but they were smarmy and smug, often threw comments your way that you learned to brush off without a passing thought

soap had sat in on one of your sessions, watching from under a tent

he watched them whisper about you, watched a few of them gaze at your arse

it made his blood boil

his face could never hide any signs of jealousy. it painted his features like a detailed portrait

they were target shooting, and the few delinquents that couldn't concentrate on anything other than you were poor at their aiming

he liked to prove his worth in situations like this

he took it as a competition, one he knew he could win

you saw him stride over, taking the rifle out of one of the boys hands and taking a stance at the marker

rolling your eyes, you knew this couldn't end well

he'd done this before

a guy tried to flirt with you in a bar once, soap won the fight between them

you were whistled at while driving through the city you lived in, soap smoked him and sped off way ahead of that asshole

he can't back down

he doesn't realise he doesn't need to compete for you. you're already his

soap fires at every target with immediate precision, not even taking a breath between shots

then he tosses the gun back to the rookie with a smug look on his face

"maybe start focusing on the task at hand instead of her, hmm? or else i'll have you off this base before you can blink, boy"

he grinned as he caught your eye, winking before taking his seat back under the shadow of the tent, continuing to watch as though nothing happened

no rookie let their gaze linger on you again after that

he came to visit you at work often when he was home, so he didn't have to stay in the apartment by himself

the little coffee shop was a comforting place for him, the smell of coffee grounds and freshly baked goods always lifting his spirits

you had a co-worker that was always close by your side, but he never thought much of it up till now

you were on your break and made your way over to join him at the table with two coffees in hand

you seemed different, more irked than usual, and your phone wouldn't shut up either, which seemed to piss you off more

it was your co-worker. he learned about the dates he'd asked you on, about whether you wanted to go to his place after work. it'd been happening for weeks, even after you'd said no

gaz said nothing, making his way over to that co-worker

you watched as he leaned over the counter, whispering something to the man that turned his skin pale and his eyes wide

he scurried off to the back room and gaz walked back over to smiling

"what did you say?"

"nothing you haven't already said to him, love"

he pulled your chair closer, kissing the side of your head

he was calm when jealous, to a point where you could barely tell

his jaw never clenched, his gaze never darkened, his body language remained the exact same

but he was always observant, never let anything go too far

but his body language always changed, more tense, more aggravated whenever you became uncomfortable in any situation

he was always by your side in seconds, but never starting a confrontation, just removing you from the scene without causing a fight

like i said, not a man of confrontation

[seattlesellie]

this is a request by: @sadeyedsugar !! i posted but deleted bc i wasn’t satisfied w it so i re-wrote it <333

warnings: smut, dom!abby, sub!reader, size kink, abbys kind of a perv, reader is described as small but it only means smaller than abby in height n weaker than her <3 not proofread!

authors note: why the fuck do i constantly find myself writing about the wlf gym. its like i live there.

you and abby started dating exactly 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago, abby decided to finally ask you out. she was practically pining over you since the moment she met you. your innocent smiles made her heart melt, and every time she saw you look at her it made her physically ache. she couldnt handle it anymore, which is how she found herself banging on your bedroom door at 11pm with a random bouquet of flowers to ask if maybe, possibly, youd agree to go out with her.

since that day, you practically followed abby around everywhere. this is exactly why you found yourself here, in the wlf gym, watching your now girlfriend, lifting an impossibly heavy amount of weights. for some reason, every harsh groan, every moan that escaped her throat, made your heart beat faster. abby and you kissed, sure.

shed kissed you on your second date, while you were cuddled up in her bed after watching a movie, facing her. you were having a conversation about her past. shed told you all about her father, about the void it left in her. your genuine intrigue killed her, made her heart so soft for you. she pushed a hair strand away from you face, and just asked; “can i… kiss you?” that question made you flush so hard you could feel the heat burning in your ears. all you could respond with was a small “mmhm”, and next thing, her sweet mouth was on yours. it was sweet, and warm, like a butterfly landing on your lips. so tender and so innocent, until it wasnt. without even being aware of it, you brought your hand to lightly tug at abbys shirt. just a small tug. that tug, resulted in abby letting out a shaky breath, deepening the kiss for just a moment and then abruptly stopping. you slowly opened your eyes, and noticed how her pupils were dilated, her strong chest rising up and down. “whyd you stop?” you asked in your sweet voice, the voice that made abby’s heart flutter and fist tighten.

“because…” she responded, followed by a deep sigh. “lets just sleep, ok?” she commanded, and you did.

from then on, that was your routine. slow, innocent sweet kiss on the bridge of turning into something more, and abby shutting it off. you didnt understand why. what was she so afraid of? it was just kissing, wasnt it? sure, sometimes youd push your chest into hers, making her breathing get heavier, but that was it, right? what would be so bad about a little kiss turning into a longer one? its not like youd hurt her, not like shed hurt you, right?

“good job, abs” you cheered at your girlfriend, watching her lift.

“mmph- thanks” she breathed deeply, flashing you a triumphant smile.

“how heavy is it?” you asked, curiously examining the weights.

“why? wanna try?” she responded, satisfied with herself, obviously giddy about impressing her girlfriend.

you hesitantly walked over to face the giant weight, examining it with a panicked look that made abby huff a giggle.

you slowly bent down, put your delicate hands on the weight, and tried lifting it up. the thing is, it didnt even move. not even a flinch. “mhhhhp” you groaned, with furrowed brows. how the fuck did she manage to do that? abby was eyeing you up and down, hands crossed over her chest with a cocky smile on her face, as she watched your failed attempts. “let me help you, okay?” she commanded, and you nodded while wiping a small drop of sweat from your forehead. abby stood behind you, her light breaths caressing your neck. “that is not how you dress for the gym, by the way” she snickered. “whats wrong with how im dressed?” you were wearing a jean skirt, and a bright pink sports bra. is that not gym attire? its a sports bra, you thought.

“c’mon” she sighed, “hands on the weight” she demanded. you quickly bent down again, and abby followed you, bending down with you, putting her hands above yours, wrapping them completely up. having your hands practically fully covered by hers, sent a shiver down her spine. fuck, would that be how youd look like with her above you, deep inside, big hands holding onto yours, forcing them onto the bed? would you squeeze your hand into hers while begging her for more? focus, abby, she thought to herself. shes not ready, not yet. youd ruin her.

with the strength of abbys arms, she lifted up the weight, your hands wrapped around it. you thought the weight lifting distribution was about 20%/80%. you were wrong. it was probably around 1%/99%.

“oh my god!” you giggled with excitement. “look at me!” abby laughed in your ear “thats my strong girl” she said proudly, grunting into you, making you squeal.

her strong girl. those words made you tingle and your stomach feel like its getting swarmed by actual butterflies.

“now, bend over again slowly for me okay?” she said in your ear. you slowly pulled the weights down, following her instructions. “thats it, good girl” she said gently, her voice so soft and assuring. what if she saw your breath hitch? what if she noticed how your pupils grow every time she mutters those words? what if she’d know, exactly what she was doing to you. “you good?” she asked, making you snap out of your trance.

“yeah!” you assured her. “totally fine”. “okay…” she snickered, and got back to lifting yet another weight. you shifted from one leg to the other while watching her, leaving her to lock her gaze onto you. “think im gonna do some yoga” you exclaimed.

“you do yoga?” she smirked slightly, sharp short breaths escaping her mouth as she lifts the weight up and down, up and down.

“nope” you responded, popping the p. “but i can try, right? i mean- maybe id get as strong as you?” those words made her smile, and respond “wouldnt want to hurt yourself though, yeah? go easy” in her commanding voice. if abby told you to jump off of a roof, you probably would. especially when she talked to you like that. like you were her delicate little thing.

you grabbed the beat down yoga mat from a pile of gym equipment, and laid it gently on the floor. the mat was hot pink, complimenting your bra, making it almost seem as if you matched with it on purpose. as abby lifted her weights, she couldnt stop examining you. looking at you. noticing how your short skirt hiked up slightly as you bent down, how your white underwear teased her just a little, “look at what you want abby- never gonna get it” she felt as if your body was talking to her, mocking her. every curve of your figure inviting her in, and her brain, pushing her away. she wanted to give in - wanted to give in so bad. but you were so sweet, so kind. she was terrified of what shed do to you if she snapped. terrified of the bruises shed leave, the marks shed burn into you. what if you couldn’t handle it? what if she was too rough? what if she just couldnt go slow with you? she wanted to break you, wanted to keep you whole, wanted to make you scream and cry and pant and beg, and then she wanted you to tell her you loved her, that shes your everything, that youre hers. what if once she touched you, corrupted you, youd hate her? she couldnt handle that.

her body was sweating, and it wasnt the weights that made her react way. it wasnt the rushes of endorphins running through her veins, it was you.

she was full on gawking now, like a fucking pervert. her weights were dropped a long ago, as soon as she noticed your body bending down in front of her, hitting the ground with a thud. “fuck” she mumbled to herself. her jaw was hanging open slightly, hands curled in fists, heart pumping in and out of her chest.

you spread your legs open, following the instructions of an sports old magazine you had found laying around outside the base one day. you were whimpering, desperately trying to put your legs in the right place, hands were they supposed to. were you meant to curl your head this way? shit- was your left leg supposed to be entangled with the right one or were you completely off - looking like a disheveled barbie doll.

“ughhh” you let out a sigh of frustration. “cant get it right!” you scoffed, and shoved the magazine away.

abby was gone. did you speak? she had no idea. all she could think of was the way your thigh jiggled and how your chest heaved up and down, nipples perked up through the beat down old sports bra.

“abby” you moaned, “abby help” you sighed and begged.

“abs!”

she snapped, quickly adverting her gaze away to look at the wall. if you werent so distracted, she thought maybe you would have called her a perv, you would have been disgusted by how her eyes didnt meet yours even once - gaze just glued on to your body.

“yeah?” she responded, wiping her sweat from her hand on her top.

“need help” you drawled.

she walked towards you hesitantly. do i get close? she though. what would happen then?

“look at this” you badgered, picking up the magazine, pointing at a picture of a lady with her head underneath her leg.

“how the hell am i supposed to do that?” you questioned, looking at abbys puzzled face.

you bent down to a form a triangle shape, abby by your side.

“can you stand behind me?” you begged.

her eyebrows raised slightly, questioning you.

she walked slowly, and stood directly behind you. it was killing her. she clenched her fist, short nails scratching her palms, leaving sharp marks.

“how am i supposed to put my arm over there?” you said, and accidentally backed up against abby, your ass slightly bumping her crotch. abbys breath hitched.

“j- just…”

her face was hot. she felt like she couldnt breathe, couldnt even swallow properly, all choked up.

she couldnt control herself anymore. it was like something overcame her, possessed her. she firmly put her hands on your waist, and jerked your body to slam her crotch, for just a second. she wanted to feel you, just like that, just for a monent. god, she needed that release so so bad. she was so good with you, so strict, stern. she managed herself. she was nice, respectful, she tried not to stare if your top was cut too low. always kept her composure, even when you whined her name in a way that made her see the devil, even when you were sleeping, and the urge to pull your pants down, for just a second, just a little bit, was so strong it made her hands grow clammy, she didnt. she was good. until she wasnt.

“abby? what are you doing?” you asked, feeling your own heartbeat speeding up.

“just… stay like that… yeah?” she panted, pulled and pushed your waist to make your ass meet her crotch deeper, harder this time.

“abs…” you gaped. you were in shock - what was she doing? why did your heart beat faster and why did your cunt start tickling? you let out a shaky breath, one that abby heard. one that signaled to her that this time - there was no controlling. not anymore.

“oh god…” she murmured, massaging your ass slowly while bumping her crotch into it.

“you know what you fucking do to me?” she grunted, her voice an octave higher than her usual, desparate. did you even know?

the scene was borderline obscene - you on your knees with your head hanging from your neck like a rag doll, abby behind you with her crotch buried in your cheeks, begging to be swallowed.

“abs- it feels- ah” you moaned. you couldnt control your body anymore, which is why you dropped quickly down to your knees, collapsing on the mat.

abby followed quickly, laying on top of you, crushing you with her weight, practically covering you whole.

she was panting over you, grinding down on your ass, begging herself for mercy.

“didnt fucking wanna do it like this” she whimpered between short breaths.

“fucking wanted to take it fucking slow with you” she grunts, when she feels you slightly arch your back for her. did you want this as much as her? is she fucking stupid?

“abby-“ you squealed, moans muffled by the mattress on the floor.

she grinded herself more harshly now, almost entirely losing herself on top of you.

“feels-“ you whimpered against the floor.

“tell me” she demanded.

“feels g- feels good, a a abby” the way her crotch was grinding into you made your clit bump into the mat, separated only by the thin material of your panties, skirt hitched up burning your stomach.

“fuuuck” she muttered, feeling herself clench at your words. she couldnt believe this was happening. the amount of times she pictured you like this, pictured you a panting mess, your pussy glistening- begging for her strap, her fingers, her tongue. she would lay awake at night with her fingers buried deep inside, fists clenched, just imagining you bouncing up and down screaming her name. after shed come, shed curse herself for it. punish herself for being so fucking unhinged.

“abby- need to see you” you cried out from beneath her. she softened for a second, breaking out of her grunts.

she lifted herself off, and carefully backed away, positioning herself to sit, hands supporting her from behind. as soon as she saw your face, your glistening eyes, the realization hit her. she was about to fuck you like an animal on the floor - you, her girlfriend, her sweet, innocent girlfriend. the same one she brought those flowers for, same one shed kill for, she was gonna ruin you.

“oh shit” she breathed, and her eyes became frantic, almost begging you for forgiveness with just her look. she couldnt hurt you.

you tried steadying your breaths, eyes glued on to the floor. you felt ashamed. ashamed of how much you liked it, ashamed of the wet spot that formed on your panties.

“im so fucking sorry” she pleaded, quickly placing her hand on your cheek, barely even grazing it, barely caressing, almost afraid to touch you again.

“for what?” you questioned, holding her palm. why was she the one apologizing to you?

“i couldnt control myself” she retreated, placing her forehead on yours.

“dont” you simply stated.

“dont control yourself”

as it it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“what?” she scoffed. she looked baffled. what were you saying? was she hallucinating?

“im saying you dont have to… im saying- i want to.” you couldnt quite put it in a sentence, a normal, coherent one. but you knew, you absolutely knew you needed to feel it again. needed her closer, needed her inside.

“c’mere” she almost moaned, and your body was hers.

[ilycosy]

❝ HE LOVES ME , HE LOVES ME NOT ! ❞ | MATTHEO RIDDLE

pairing : mattheo riddle x slytherin!reader , ron weasley x reader (platonicish)

summary — having mattheo riddle as your best friend was difficult, especially when you've been in love with him since the first year. not to mention all the people he's constantly with, you're planning on moving on when you catch wind of a gryffindor party: perfect for a last ditch effort.

warnings : fake dating (not w mattheo) , messy teen relationships , jealousy , ron appreciation <3 , theo n enzo r a little sick of mattheo , pansy n reader r the besties ever

aﾉn — how do u guys feel abt a part 2 of this ?? i feel like it's a little incompleted but im not entirely sure ... also ron haters dni bc this fic isn't for u <//3

you couldn't remember the last time you had actually talked to mattheo. every time he had started up a conversation with you recently, it ended with him telling you about his (quite boring) sex life. and you were rather sick of it, you were supposed to be his best friend.

pansy had told you that he was too stupid to realize he liked you, and maybe you should just ask him out, but every single time you gain that courage— he's got another girl hanging off his arm. each girl lasts a week, maybe two at most but it still stings.

this week, mattheo had a girl. she was beautiful, really, seemingly sweet too. she would constantly wave at you and smile like she wasn't jealous at all, which you assumed she was right. if mattheo really didn't want to be with you, you'd just have to move on.

now, because you hadn't been talking to him recently, your party invites also dried up. you were hot, everyone knew that, but you were awkward and flighty with people. which is exactly why you latched onto mattheo.

many of his exes had called you clingy, so you eventually just gave up engaging with him first— officially starting your 'situationship detox' is what pansy called it.

you barely attempted moving on before you got a small piece of paper slipped over to you to pass to a hufflepuff girl, a gryffindor party invite. the gryffindor boy just awkward gestured to her, but you glanced at another boy.

bright red hair, freckles, and a little bit of quidditch dirt still smudged on his face. ron weasley, he wasn't exactly the most academically gifted, but he was sweet and funny (much to your friends dismay).

ron looked at you with a confused look when you didn't pass the note, but you had other plans. "can i come?" you asked, trying to sound confident and chill while your stomach churned at the idea of being rejected by the gryffindors, that'd be humiliating.

"uh," he said, clearing his throat before nodding. "yeah, the password is tapeworm?"

for some reason, you felt rather excited when you told pansy that you'd be going to the gryffindor party— you had never gone to a party without being invited by your friends first!

"babe," she cut your excited rambling off, looking at you with a concerned look. "you asked weasley. weasley if you could go to a fucking party?" she double checked like it was shocking, but you felt a spark of offense.

you furrowed your eyebrows, "he's sweet," you say, rummaging through your shared closet for an outfit. "you just don't understand because everyone's so obsessed with blood status, he's always been true to himself." you defended.

she went quiet for a couple minutes, watching you spread out dresses that are a little too modest for her liking. "well, if you're going to be going with weasley, then you need to show him how slytherins are better than gryffindor girls." she said with a smirk, patting your back as she pulled out different dresses.

"you gonna slut it up with me?" she asks, showing off a small red dress.

you scoff but take the dress, holding it in your hands as you admire the sheer black lace covering the deep red. "slut it up," you say with an eyeroll, looking back at her with a small smile. "you're going to be all over blaise, be honest."

you didn't bother telling mattheo about the party, assuming that he'd either be single again and looking for another one there or be arguing with his current girlfriend in the common room.

you didn't even know that he was constantly telling theo about how you barely spoke to him anymore, "she won't even fucking look at me theodore! i don't know what i did wrong, she's fucking insane or something!" he would say, dramatically flailing his hands while speaking.

only for theo to look at enzo with an annoyed look, enzo returning it with a brief head shake and ignoring the temper tantrum by reading. mattheo would eventually calm down and say that he just doesn't get why you're like this, then he'd repeat his idiotic cycle.

he really was blindsighted when he saw you at the party, he had just broken up with his girlfriend— apparently she wasn't all the nice after all, hooking up with another ravenclaw while being with him. he was already annoyed with that whole fiasco, so seeing you with weasley?

he saw red. he barely remembers turning to enzo before trying to approach you, only to be stopped by theo grabbing him and telling him to walk it off.

you, on the other hand, were having the time of your life. sure, harry and hermione took a little bit to warm up to you even being around them, but it seems like they're accepting the casual conversation that you're providing, which is a win for you.

ron has a hesitant arm around your shoulders, keeping a respectful distance while still being touchy. everyone saw it as amazing flirting, both of you guys seemed to be hitting it off greatly.

but you just felt awkward. he was lovely and amazing company, but the lack of chemistry was suffocating you. and he felt it too, his eyes drifting to another person every once in a while, wishing it was different.

maybe that's why you proposed something while tipsy, giggling into ron's ear as you talked about fake dating. whispering the silly joke like it was intimate, and maybe if he wasn't also tipsy he would've told you it was a bad idea.

but he didn't, and now you're bundled up in a sweater with a big r on it.

it could be worse, and you aren't complaining. even though it's fake, it was easy to be around him. he was thoughtful and constantly looking for that reassurance that everything was fine with you, it felt refreshing.

you missed mattheo though, and you confinded in him about it. before others arrived at the designated tree, you whispered into his shoulder about how it hurt that you never seemed good enough for him. ron listened, and he cared.

his freckled hands rubbed your side as you vented, comforting you while he whispered back about how he was so insecure about where he stood within his friends and family. you related to each other, and it was a bond you didn't think you could have.

he pretended to never notice how mattheo clenched his jaw and fists whenever the two of you passed by. while he knew that this was to make him jealous, he felt a little vindictive. how could someone like mattheo riddle hurt such a sweet person like you?

mattheo was spiraling, constantly watching from the sidelines as you and ron 'seemingly fell in love out of fucking nowhere' as he said to theo. he constantly ranted about how you'd never stoop that low, dating a blood traitor.

until enzo spoke for once, lifting his head from his book at the library during a study session. "maybe you didn't know her as well as you thought." he said offhandedly, ignoring the way the whole group fell into silence after.

mattheo didn't speak, just slowly sitting down in a seat next to draco. his cousin looks at him with a sympathetic smile before kind of shrugging, basically saying enzo wasn't wrong.

he didn't know you? that was impossible, you guys were best friends. he barely ate at dinner that night, just watching you laugh and eat with pansy while she gossiped about her and blaise. you were with ron weasley, and he was mad, he didn't know you, but why was he mad?

the next day, he couldn't stop himself from pairing up with you in potions. feeling himself get almost embarrassed and shy when he asked you to partner up with him before ron could, he felt a small victory when you chose him before telling the red head next time with a cheery tone.

the entire potions class was spent with you walking on eggshells with him while he desperately tried to get to reknow you, he felt ashamed when he asked about the latest album of your old favorite band only for you to respond that you don't really listen to them anymore.

he sulked the next class, but mattheo wasn't exactly one to back down— he was going to get you back, in more ways than one.

the following week was used as a way for him to worm himself back into your life like an 'annoying zit' as pansy called him, she did love mattheo but she loved you more and that's all that mattered to her.

ron even asked you about it, "say," he mutters as he leans over your shoulder while you're studying, "why's riddle suddenly all over you?" he asks, genuinely curious though his wording was harsh.

you took a moment to recollect yourself, knowing that he didn't mean it that way. "i don't know," you say softly, taking notes about a plant you could care less about. "he's a little odd sometimes, im sure he'll get bored."

but he didn't get bored, in fact it seemed that mattheo only seemed to go harder. constantly taking any moment to steal you away from not only ron, but other people now (not pansy of course, she'd kill him).

draco trying to talk to you about astronomy? mattheo suddenly needed help with defense. blaise needed to borrow something of yours? mattheo needs you to listen to him rant. slughorn even needed you after class, and mattheo was there mean mugging him while waiting for you.

ron talked about it to harry, laying in his friends bed while he read. "he's bloody obsessed with her!" he says a little loudly, almost waking neville.

"i know ron i know, your girlfriend is being hit on by riddle. im sure it'll be fine," he says, stroking his red locks and twirling it. "you guys are basically married with how you act, nothings going to take her away." he reassures ron.

he just rolls his eyes, pausing harry"s hand to look at him. "that's the thing," he says frustratedly, chewing his bottom lip. "we aren't dating, and im just nervous that she'll get hurt again by him."

seamus listened with wide eyes as harry questioned ron, whisper yelling is still yelling to a light sleeper. and seamus finnigan wasn't the best secret keeper.

it only took a couple days for the whole school to know, constant berating from the gryffindors because they thought it was your fault and then the slytherins cheering you on for allegedly breaking ron's heart.

you didn't even have time to talk to ron about what happened since none of the other gryffindors would let you around him, so you were officially and totally alone.

you sat curled up in the abandoned girls bathroom, crying as moaning myrtle cried with you. you almost started venting to her before the door was pushed open, your old best friend staring at you with wide eyes.

"mattheo?" you question, hurrying to wipe your wet eyes as he approached you. "what're you doing here?" you tried to ask, hiccuping slightly.

he just shrugged, sitting down next to you as he wrapped an arm around your waist. "i know you didn't hurt weasley," he says quietly, pulling you close. "you wouldn't do that to somebody."

you could almost cry with happiness, hiccuping again as you smiled and laughed humorlessly. "it was all fake," you confessed, feeling embarrassed but like you just needed to admit it to somebody. "me and ron did it to make people jealous, and i don't know if it even worked so it was useless and im just so tired of people being so, fucking, mean to me about this i–"

he gently shushed you, rocking you back and forth while whispering that you didn't need to explain yourself to anybody. he pressed a soft kiss onto the crown of your head without realizing it, stroking your back.

when you had began to calm down, he awkwardly cleared his throat to ask an even more awkward question. "so uh, who were you even trying to make jealous?" he asked, glancing down at you.

you just rolled your eyes and shook your head with shame, before just whispering in a defeated tone that it was him. you felt the shame rise but you couldn't let it out, it was just too much.

"are you serious?" he asked, feeling relief and surprise rush through his entire body.

"yeah," you say, not looking at him as you shake your head and scoff. "i know it's pathetic but you don't understand i just felt–" the only thing you actually felt was chapped lips against yours.

mattheo fucking riddle was kissing you, his hands delicately holding your face like you were going to slip away from him again.

"don't worry about it, princess," he whispered, pushing his hair out of his eyes so he could look at you fully while calling you a name you havent heard since the third year. "it's not pathetic."

you stare at him in shock, glancing at the lip gloss smeared on his lips— this time from you, and not from other girls.

"are you sure?" you ask with an awkward laugh, feeling a nervous giddiness rise in you. "because i played that one stupid flower game with ron about you." you confess before you realize, accidently oversharing like always.

but mattheo just laughed, kissing from your forehead down to your chin and slowly across your jaw. "he likes me, he likes me not?" he asked, and you could feel the smile against your skin.

"i played it a couple times," he mumbled, pressing his lips against yours again. not wanting to hear the teasing you were about to do.