#i check youtube and tiktok every day

[catsrightnow]

[ID: A tweet from @/StephenCaseyRea reading "This is a good representation of what feminism is doing to men. Making them docile and weak". It is followed by a video, the thumbnail partially showing a dog laying down.

Reader context is added, saying "This is a dog, not a man" and links to the wikipedia page for dog. /End ID]

maybe twitter is funny sometimes

[msbigredmachine]

Nothing Left (Roman Reigns)

The tale of a marriage built on trust, torn apart by lies, and a woman’s breaking point that should never have been reached.

Pairing: Roman Reigns/Black fem OC

Warnings: Angst, dark themes, graphic content ahead

Word Count: 3.8k

Please check out my masterlist for all my other content!

The air in the mansion was different now. Thick, suffocating—like grief had taken up residence in the walls and refused to leave. I sat at the kitchen table, staring at the cold cup of coffee Roman had poured for me this morning before he left for his latest “business meeting”. The smell of hazelnut creamer was sickly sweet, and I pushed it away as bile rose in my throat.

He was with her again. He didn’t say it outright, but he didn’t have to. My husband had a way of leaving breadcrumbs too obvious to ignore yet always denied when confronted. The gym bag packed with his best Jordans, the cologne he reserved for date nights, the freshly lined-up beard that hadn’t been between my legs in months…Roman wasn’t as subtle as he thought. But every time I brought it up, every time I asked for the truth, his voice would drop low, dangerously calm, like I was the one losing my mind.

“Why you always tryna start some shit, huh?” he’d said just last week, his jaw tightening as he leaned against the doorframe of our bedroom. “You think I don’t have enough pressure on me already? You don’t trust me? After all these years?”

The years. Ten years of marriage. A decade of giving everything I had—my time, my heart, my future. Waiting for him to prioritize me, to want what I wanted, to see me the way I saw him. Years of walking on eggshells, smoothing over cracks in a foundation I thought was unshakable. Ten years of loyalty, of devotion, of standing by his side while he chased dreams we once shared.

And what did I get in return? A hollowed-out shell of a man who wasn’t mine anymore. Maybe he never was. Maybe I was fooling myself all along, believing I could be enough for someone who was never content with what he had.

But nothing could’ve prepared me for the audacity of her. The way she waltzed into my life with her smug smile and flawless facade, acting like she belonged. Like she’d earned a place in the world I built. As if she wasn’t trying to steal my husband, my dreams, and my future right out from under me.

-----------------------

Her name was Brooke Harper. Twenty-four. A fitness influencer with a perfectly curated Instagram full of green smoothies, waist-high leggings, and glistening abs. The kind of woman whose body Roman would study in silent appreciation while scrolling late at night when he thought I wasn’t looking.

She wasn’t just his mistress—she was an opportunist. Brooke’s social media following had skyrocketed since her ‘rumored’ relationship with Roman became gossip fodder. Instagram stories showing glimpses of a luxury car, TikTok videos featuring expensive hotel rooms with cryptic captions, and a YouTube vlog about “staying humble” while wearing designer athleisure—her accounts crawling with thirsty followers dissecting every clue and propositioning her all at once.

I knew what this really was to her. Roman wasn’t just a man; he was a brand, a ladder, and she was climbing every rung with her perfectly manicured nails.

I ran into her—literally—three days ago at the grocery store. She stood there in the produce aisle, recording herself examining avocados while my hands shook around the cart. She looked up and smiled at me, her hazel eyes gleaming with recognition.

“Hey,” she said casually, like we were old friends.

I froze, my chest tightening. Her brown skin was luminous, her hair slicked back into a tight, high ponytail that made her cheekbones look like they’d been sculpted by Michelangelo himself. She was wearing a crop top and booty shorts, her stomach flat, the muscles rippling with every slight movement.

“You’re Roman’s wife, right?”

Her tone was light, but there was something underneath it. Amusement. Condescension. She looked at me like she already knew how the story would end.

“And you are?” I managed to get out, though my voice wavered.

“Brooke,” she said, extending a hand that I didn’t take. She noticed. “But I’m guessing you already knew that.”

The smirk on her lips sent a sharp, searing pain through my chest. She was enjoying this. Reveling in it.

“You know,” she said, her voice dripping with mock sincerity, “he talks about you sometimes. Says you’re a great cook. That lasagna you make? Chef’s kiss.” She leaned in a little closer, lowering her voice to a whisper. “But maybe leave the lingerie for someone else, yeah? He’s not into the lace.”

My breath hitched, but I refused to let her see me break. Not here. Not in the middle of the damn grocery store. Without a word, I turned my cart around and walked away, the wheels squeaking loudly on the linoleum floor. Her laughter followed me all the way to the parking lot.

-----------------------

Two weeks later

I told myself I wouldn’t go. I had no reason to be at the arena tonight, no reason to throw myself into Roman’s world when he’d made it painfully clear I no longer fit in it.

But something tugged at me—a gnawing, insistent feeling in my gut that I couldn’t ignore. Maybe it was intuition. Maybe it was desperation. Whatever it was, it drove me to get in my Bentley and make the forty-five-minute drive to the arena.

When I arrived, the backstage area was buzzing with the usual chaos. Crew members ran back and forth, wrestlers joked and stretched, and the faint hum of the crowd echoed through the walls. I tried to keep my head down, to avoid the sympathetic looks from the few staff members and wrestlers who likely knew more about my crumbling marriage than I did.

I passed Jimmy and Jey in the hallway. The twins had always been like brothers to me. When Roman and I started dating in college, they welcomed me into the family with open arms. We were inseparable. Until now.

“Hey, uh, what’re you doing here, sis?” Jimmy asked, stepping in front of me with a strained smile.

“Just wanted to see my husband,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Now’s not a great time,” Jey chimed in, shifting uncomfortably. “He’s, uh, real busy tonight. Big match, ya know?”

“I know his schedule better than anyone,” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at them. “So stop lying to me, too. Don't do that. Not you two.”

They exchanged a quick glance, a silent conversation passing between them. It only confirmed what I already suspected—they were hiding something.

“Look, sis,” Jimmy said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe you should just head home, yeah? Roman is—”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I interrupted, pushing past them before they could stop me.

Their protests faded behind me as I stormed down the hall toward Roman’s locker room. My heart pounded in my chest, a mix of anger, fear, and dread swirling inside me.

When I reached the door, I didn’t hesitate. I pushed it open without knocking, and the sight that greeted me made my stomach drop.

Brooke was there.

She sat perched on the couch, her long legs crossed, wearing a short, flowy minidress that still showed off her assets. Her perfectly styled hair fell over one shoulder, and her glossy lips curled into a smug smile when she saw me.

Roman was leaning against the locker next to her, arms crossed, his face unreadable. If he was surprised to see me, he didn’t show it.

“What the fuck is this?” I demanded, my voice shaking as I stepped into the room.

“Hey, girl,” Brooke said, her tone casual, almost amused. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I’m not talking to you,” I snapped, not bothering to look at her as my eyes locked on my husband. “What is she doing here?”

Roman sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s not what you think.”

“Really? Because it looks exactly like what I think,” I shot back, my voice rising. “I knew you were lying to me, Roman, but to bring her here? To your locker room?”

“Calm down,” he said, his tone infuriatingly calm. “You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting?” I repeated, incredulous. “I walked in on you and your mistress, and I’m the one overreacting?”

“Okay, first of all, let’s not use words like ‘mistress,’” Brooke interjected, her voice dripping with mock indignation. “That’s such an outdated term.”

My head finally snapped toward her, my eyes blazing. “Okay then, how ‘bout ‘side bitch’?” I snarled, “Shut the fuck up, little girl, and stay in your place!”

“Why? Because you can’t handle the truth?” she retorted, smirking as she leaned back against the couch. “Sweetie, you’ve been in denial for months. Maybe it’s time you faced facts.”

My hands clenched into fists. I was seconds away from exploding. “Get out,” I hissed, pointing to the door. “Get out before I beat your ass so bad you’ll never be able to show your face anywhere ever again!”

Brooke didn’t move. Instead, she looked at Roman, arching an eyebrow. “You gonna let her talk to me like that, babe?”

Babe. The word sent a wave of nausea crashing over me.

Roman straightened, his jaw tightening. “Brooke, maybe you should go.”

Her eyes widened in mock surprise. “Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Fine.” She stood, grabbing her small Gucci shoulder bag, similar to the one Roman bought me on my last birthday, and sauntered toward the door. When she reached me, she paused, leaning in close enough that I could smell her sickly sweet perfume.

“Good luck, sweetheart,” she whispered, her voice full of venom. “You’re gonna need it.”

She left, the sound of her heels clicking against the tile echoing in the silence.

I turned back to Roman, my hands shaking with fury. “How could you do this to me?”

“You don’t understand,” he said, already sounding irritated, like I interrupted something important.

“Then explain it to me!” I shouted, my voice breaking. “Explain how you can throw away ten years for that bitch! Do you even care about me anymore?”

“Of course I care,” he snapped. “But this…you…you’re suffocating me.”

“Suffocating you?” I repeated, my voice barely a whisper. “I gave up everything for you, Roman! My dreams to become a chef, my career, my time. And now I’m suffocating you?”

“You don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head. “Brooke doesn’t—” He stopped himself, but it was too late.

“Brooke doesn’t what?” I demanded, stepping closer. “Doesn’t ask for anything? Doesn’t expect you to act like a husband? Is that it?”

He didn’t answer, but the look on his face told me everything I needed to know. “Babe-”

“Fuck you. You disgust me,” I spat, tears streaming down my face as I turned and stormed out of the room.

-----------------------

I decided to try. One last time.

Roman was returning from Toronto this evening, so I cooked his favorite dinner—ribeye steak, medium, with mashed potatoes and garlic green beans. I even made the dessert he used to tell me he loved so much, a rich chocolate lava cake. I set the table with candles, dimmed the lights, and waited.

When he came home, he looked at the effort I’d put in and raised an eyebrow. His expression was guarded, his shoulders tense. He dropped his bags and stood there for a moment, staring at the table like it was a trap.

“What’s all this?” he asked, his tone flat.

“I wanted to remind you of what we have,” I said softly, trying to keep my voice steady. “Of what we could still be.”

He didn’t respond right away. His eyes lingered on the candles, the food, the delicate care I’d put into every detail. Then he sighed, walked over, and sat down without a word.

I sat across from him, trying to keep the weight of the silence from crushing me. He picked up his fork and knife, cutting into the steak with mechanical precision. He chewed slowly, his gaze fixed on his plate like he couldn’t bear to look at me.

“How is it?” I asked, my voice too bright, too desperate.

“It’s fine,” he said, not meeting my eyes.

“Fine?” I echoed, a brittle laugh escaping me. “I spent hours making your favorite meal, and all you can say is fine?”

He set his fork down, his jaw tightening. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to try, Roman!” I said, my voice cracking. “I want you to fight for us, for our marriage. Do you even care anymore?”

He looked up then, his dark eyes meeting mine. They were filled with something I couldn’t quite place—guilt? Anger? Resignation?

“Don’t do this again,” he said, his voice low.

“Don’t do what again?” I demanded, my hands trembling. “Don’t try to fix the mess you’ve made? Don’t try to save the life we built together while you’re off playing house with her?”

His expression hardened. “Babe, I'm tired. I'm not in the mood for another fight.”

“Another fight?” I repeated, incredulous. “You think this is about fighting? Roman, I walked in on you and Brooke not too long ago! I saw you with the woman you're cheating on me with! And now you expect me to just sit here and pretend everything’s fine?”

“You don’t know the whole story,” he said, his voice rising slightly.

I scoffed, folding my arms tightly across my chest. “Oh, enlighten me, then. What’s the whole story? That you’ve been sneaking around with some IG model while I’ve been sitting at home, waiting for you to remember you’re married?”

He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration palpable. “It’s not like that,” he muttered, avoiding my gaze. “It wasn’t supposed to…get this far.”

“What does that even mean?” I demanded, my voice trembling with a mix of anger and disbelief.

Roman hesitated, took a deep breath. “When we started having problems—when you started pushing me about kids, about everything—we stopped talking to each other. You didn’t even see it, but I did. I felt like I was losing myself, like I was just going through the motions to keep you happy. And then…she was just there.”

“‘She was just there?’” I mimicked him sarcastically. “That’s your excuse? She was 'just there' so you decided to wreck our marriage?”

“It wasn’t like I planned this!” he argued, his voice rising. “I didn’t wake up one day and decide to cheat! But Brooke…She wasn’t asking me for anything. She doesn’t have all these expectations. With her, I could just…be me.”

“Be you?” I spat, my voice shaking. “Who the fuck even are you, Roman? Because the man I thought I married would never have done this. He wouldn’t have entertained some clout-chasing, social-media leech who’s only with you because of your name!”

“It’s not just about her!” he yelled, standing up so abruptly his chair scraped against the floor. “It’s about us! About how we’ve been falling apart for years and you won’t admit it!”

Indignant, I stomped towards him. “We’re falling apart cuz of you! Because you’ve been lying, sneaking around, treating me like I’m the problem when it’s her! I’ve given you everything! I’ve stood by you through everything! Your injuries! The fucking leukemia! And this is how you repay me?”

“Man, I didn’t ask you to stand by me!” he lashed out, his voice cold and cutting.

His words hit me like a slap across the face. My chest tightened, my vision blurred, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe.

The room spun, and before I could think, my hand flew up and cracked across his face.

The sound of the slap echoed in the room, sharp and final. My palm stung, but the pain was drowned out by the adrenaline coursing through me. Roman’s head turned with the force of the blow, and he stood there for a moment, stunned. His jaw clenched, his hands balling into fists at his sides as he slowly straightened to look at me.

“You hit me,” he said, his voice low and dangerous.

“And you deserved it!” My voice trembled. “How dare you? ‘You didn’t ask me?’ You didn’t ask me to give up my career to support yours? To put your dreams above mine? To be your wife? Your partner?”

Roman sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t mean it like that—”

“Then how the fuck did you mean it, Roman?” I shouted, tears streaming down my face. “Because all I hear is you telling me that I’ve wasted the last ten years of my life loving someone who doesn’t even care!”

“Do you think this is easy for me?” he yelled back, his voice booming as he took a step closer. “Do you think I like feeling this way? Feeling trapped?!”

“Trapped?” I echoed, my voice breaking as tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was here right now. “You think being loved by me is a prison? You think our marriage is some kind of cage?”

His words cut deep. Too deep. I stared at him, my chest heaving, the weight of his betrayal pressing down on me like a boulder. “You don’t even see what she’s doing to you. You're letting some gold-digging fitness Barbie play your old ass like a fiddle.”

Roman’s expression darkened, his jaw clenching. “You don’t know a damn thing about her.”

“And you do?” I countered. “I know enough to know she’s using you to boost her follower count. I know she entertains those guys in her comments propositioning her in her DMs. She doesn’t give a damn about you, Roman—not the way I do.”

“Don’t,” he warned, his voice low and dangerous.

“Don’t what? Don’t tell the truth?” I laughed bitterly, shaking my head. “You’re too blind to see it, but she’s using you, baby. And when she’s done, she’ll leave you just like—”

“Shut up!” he yelled, his voice booming in the small room.

The silence that followed was deafening. We stared at each other, both breathing heavily, the weight of our words hanging in the air like a storm cloud.

He ran a hand through his hair, pacing the room. “I can’t do this anymore.”

My heart dropped down to my toes as I realized what was coming next. “Roman, if you walk away, there’s no coming back,” I warned him.

He stopped pacing, turning to look at me. For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of something—regret, maybe? But it was gone as quickly as it came.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t…This is over. I’m done.”

Without another word, he grabbed his keys off the counter and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

I sank to the floor, my chest heaving with sobs as the sound of his car engine roared to life and faded into the distance.

-----------------------

Two months later, another bomb dropped.

Social media was buzzing with the news: 

EXCLUSIVE: Brooke Harper, fitness influencer and rumored girlfriend of married WWE superstar Roman Reigns, is pregnant.

From Side Chick to Superstar: Influencer Brooke Harper Expecting WWE Champ Roman Reigns’ Baby!

Roman Reigns Revealed as Fitness Star Brooke Harper’s Baby Daddy in Shocking Pregnancy Announcement!

I stared at my phone, my hands trembling as I scrolled through the comments. Some fans were congratulating them, while others were outraged on my behalf. But the only thing I could focus on was the image of Brooke, glowing and smug, cradling her small but visible baby bump in a photo she’d posted on Instagram:

It was supposed to be me.

For years, I’d begged Roman to start a family, but he always had an excuse.

“It’s not the right time,” my husband had droned on, “Let me get through this next storyline”. “We’ll talk about it after WrestleMania”.

But he’d found the time for her.

For days, I cried. Screamed. Refused to eat and yelled into the empty rooms of this prison that was meant to be my home. It took me days before I began to accept the truth that my marriage was truly over. I couldn't keep fighting for someone who’d already left me. So, I started checking through divorce lawyers’ websites, needing guidance to commence arguably the most difficult process I’ll probably ever undertake in my life. As devastating as it was, it was time for the charade to end.

But then I came home one day and saw them.

Roman and Brooke. In our bed.

She was curled up against him, her head on his chest as they slept, her hand resting on his heart like it was hers to take. Roman’s hand was on her growing belly, protective and intimate, his fingers splayed like he was claiming the life they’d created together.

My stomach churned as it all hit me. Crashed into me with the force of a freight train.

This bitch hadn’t just stolen my husband. She had stolen my life.

A younger, skinnier version of me. And he let her.

I let her.

Something inside me snapped—like a taut string stretched too far, finally breaking under the weight of years of betrayal, lies, and disappointment. It wasn’t a single moment or thought that did it. It was everything. The nights I cried alone, the constant gaslighting, the humiliation of seeing my husband flaunt another woman while I held onto the tattered remnants of our marriage.

It all collided, an unstoppable force crashing into an immovable wall of my patience, my love, my restraint. In that instant, the part of me that once cared, that once hoped, disintegrated into nothingness. What filled the void was something raw, primal, and entirely unforgiving.

Unforgivable.

Quietly, I backed out of the room and closed the door. I walked through the house, locking every door, sealing every window. I yanked out the hose of the gas stove in the kitchen. My movements were calm, methodical. The storm inside me had settled, replaced by a chilling clarity.

When everything was secure, I grabbed a can of lighter fluid from the garage and walked back to the bedroom. I poured the fluid all over the room, then around the base of the bed and on the sheets, careful not to make a sound, careful not to miss a spot.

As I struck the match, I felt a strange sense of peace.

For the first time in years, I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t hurt.

I was free.

The flames spread quickly, consuming the master bedroom in a matter of minutes. But I didn’t stay to watch. Roman and Brooke woke up, their screams and frantic banging on the door that I locked from the outside muffled by the roar of the fire.

I calmly strolled out of the house, the heat of the flames warming my back, and sat silently on the lawn as sirens sounded in the distance.

By the time the firefighters arrived, the house was an inferno, red and orange flames hungrily devouring everything inside. My husband. His mistress. Their demon spawn. The life we built for ten years, all now reduced to ash and smoke in a mere couple of hours.

I watched as the blaze rose higher, unmoved by the chaos around me. I felt nothing. No grief. No regret.

I didn’t care. Not anymore.

THE END

-----------------------

This is the first fic of this kind I've ever done 😬 How was it?

Please leave comments! I love comments 😁😙😊

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[thisiscarlatrying]

modern!ellie hcs

notes/warnings: this is my first time doing something like this.. 😭😭 i hope u like it🙏 also, ellie and reader are dating and a lil of loser!ellie... that's just the way she is 😞

not proofread i think, i'll try to make it as good gramatically as i can but no promises 🙏🙏 (english is not my first language forgive me 😭😭)

| CONGO, SUDAN, PALESTINE | DAILY CLICK | DON'T BUY TLOU |

modern!ellie who cuts her own hair.. she REFUSES to go to a hair salon, she says it's a "waste of time and money"

modern!ellie who is kind of into fashion, i think she'd dress like this or like this...

also i just know she LOVES LOVES LOVES jorts, when spring starts that's ALL she'll wear

AND you guys just share clothes, you steal all her clothes and she steals yours

modern!ellie who wears a LITTLE bit of makeup, just mascara and chapstick. highlighter for special occasions

also her lips are so dry... 😭 she applies chapstick every five minutes and is constantly losing hers so you had to get her a one of those BIG vaseline things because she wouldn't stop stealing yours

modern!ellie who is a cat girl. you guys have like three cats together and they all look like the both of you

also their names are you guys' ship names until you ran out of name combinations and the names you had to choose were something like "sardine" or "chicken nugget"

modern!ellie who just loves kids cartoons like adventure time or the amazing world of gumball

modern!ellie who is CONSTANTLY daydreaming about being spidergirl and swinging around the city (spidergirl!ellie hcs coming soon... 🤭)

modern!ellie who plays minecraft and stardew valley for eight hours straight

modern!ellie who LOVES youtube and can't have a meal without watching a video

i KNOW she loves sinjin drowning. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES 🤷‍♀️

modern!ellie who has an INSANE vinyl collection.. it's all divorced dad music but she also owns a few of your favourite albums for when you come over<3

modern!ellie who is a barista. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY. while she's studying in college or something she works part time at a cafe... picture her with her little ponytail (like 17yo ellie) and her sleeves rolled up... UGHHH😭😭 she's so fine i can't.

talking about college... modern!ellie whose major is something nerdy like physics, astronomy or engineering... or maybe even architecture since she likes drawing so much

modern!ellie who was BEGGING you to move in with her until you finally agreed.. your apartment is the cutest thing ever, i feel like ellie's decorating style would be something like this:

modern!ellie who loves cuddling SOOOO MUCH. she's so touchy, she just IS.

modern!ellie whose burps make the entire building shake. it's actually insane and they smell so bad like.. you can smell the subway meatball sandwich she had for lunch earlier that day 😭😭

modern!ellie who constantly brags about you being her girlfriend, she never shuts up about you. and all of her instagram and tiktok posts would be about you (except from her outfit checks, of course)

modern!ellie who loves those cliche robbing movies, do you know what i'm talking about?? like those about robbing a bank or a museum and there's this incredibly unrealistic plan that comes out perfectly... THOSE kinds of movies. she eats them up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

modern!ellie who fights with people on the internet constantly 😭😭 she sees a comment on a tiktok video with an opinion different than hers? SHE'LL REPLY. and she's going to wait for HOURS for the other person to respond

modern!ellie who secretly loves laland. i said it.

modern!ellie who either sleeps for 12 hours straight or won't sleep for two days. there's no in between.

modern!ellie whose walk is so funny 😭😭 it's almost like she's jumping while she walks

modern!ellie who carries a picture of you absolutely EVERYWHERE

and your apartment is filled or pictures of both of you

modern!ellie who loves her friends. she makes those stupid tiktok slideshow trends about friends but posts them privately because she's embarrased about it 😢😢😢

modern!ellie who has a journal and writes every single thought that crosses her mind down. and when she doesn't have her journal with her she writes in her notes app

modern!ellie who secretly fucks with taylor swift's sad songs and cries to them

okay i think that's enough.. im getting a little too carried away 😭😭 lmk if you like them or if i should make a part two!!

[damiansgoodgirll]

hi❤️ive been following you since you were writing about jude bellingham lol 😂 i wanted to ask you if you could make a damian priest x reader story where reader is plus sized and she’s struggling with losing weight and she wants to be perfect for damian because she sees the type of women he’s surrounded by but reader hurts herself like she faints or something happens and damian (rhea too if you want include her) get worried for her, please make it angsty i love your angst stories 😭❤️ thank you for this ❤️❤️

thanks for your request! i’ve been struggling with ED my whole life so this piece is kind of a piece of me. if you ever need someone to talk to i’m here ❤️ just to remind you that you are beautiful the way you are, you deserve all the love and happiness in the world ❤️

damian priest x curvy - plus sized - chubby reader

likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated!!

‼️ANGST, heavy angst, ED (eating disorders), reader starving herself, fainting, self conscious reader, hurt/comfort, DON’T READ THIS IF IT’S A SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR YOU ‼️

be skinny

be skinny - your mind told you.

don’t eat this, you’re gonna gain weight - it kept whispering.

you couldn’t recall when all of this started. sure, you’ve always had a love and hate relationship with your body, with your appearance but it never got to the point where you constantly checked yourself in every mirror you could find. it never got to the point where you would weight yourself every morning to see if you magically lost weight over night.

damian made all of those feelings go away. at the beginning of your relationship you told him how uncomfortable you were being naked in front of him, fearing that he might have judged you for how you looked but he never failed to make you feel comfortable and loved. you remember the days he spent just worshipping your body, saying how perfect you were to him and how much he loved you.

all those fears disappeared with damian so when did it really begin?

probably when he started appearing in his perfect colleagues tiktoks. how easy he was for them to lift them up, throw them around in the ring. they looked nothing like you. they were skinny and yet had muscles. their bodies were heaven’s made.

and then you saw how people - women - drooled under damian’s instagram posts. and you knew that one day he would leave you for one of them. they were pretty, models, something you weren’t.

damian had no idea your mind was playing tricks like that. if he knew, he wouldn’t let you go into this alone, he would be there with you, taking your pain away and fighting your demons, fighting for you.

you knew that and the idea of disappoint him made you even sicker.

the days he was away from work were the perfect days you had to work out, limit yourself with food and trying not to starve yourself. you started by following some easy work out on youtube, cutting out all carbs, drinking more water. things that seemed healthy to you.

but you weren’t getting the results you wanted so you pushed yourself even further. from skipping breakfast and dinner, from working out with damian’s tools - and hurting yourself multiple times because you had no idea how to use them - from drinking water over prioritising food.

you were slowly killing yourself and you didn’t even notice it.

but damian did. he saw the shift in your mood. how you went from being the normal you to being the always tired and hungry you. he noticed that someone used his gym to work out and he knew it was you but he also was aware of the situation you were in. he feared that if he spoke about it you would get mad or that he would trigger something in you, so he stayed quiet.

probably his worst mistake.

as time went by you saw small changes in your appearance. you lost weight, your face looked slimmer and your waist looked smaller but you were starving yourself to the point you would fall asleep everywhere because of the lack of energy you had.

one day as you were hanging out with rhea you were struggling to stay awake and remain focused on what she was saying. you skipped lunch, only eating an apple and drinking plenty of water. you workout for almost two hours before rhea got to your home.

and as she was talking you were trying stay awake but you couldn’t.

“…you okay?” rhea asked when she saw you dozing off.

“uh? yeah sorry i just need a little bit of water, keep talking” you laughed pretending everything is normal. but the moment you stood up from your couch, your legs began shaking a little and rhea was immediately standing next to you

“are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, her hand quickly checking your temperature.

“yeah no worries, i just need a little bit of water…” but two more steps and you fainted on the floor. rhea being able to catch you and trying to wake you up but you were laying there unconscious.

she quickly called 911, scared that you were sick or worse. she stayed with you during the whole ride to the hospital and while you were being checked out, she called damian, informing him that you were currently at the hospital.

damian was at the local gym with his brother when he got the call. panicking, it took him less than twenty minutes to ride to the emergency room. seeing rhea as she was waiting for some news, he ran towards her.

“what happened?” he was clearly panicking. not saying hello or how are you. he couldn’t care less at the moment, you were his priority.

“i don’t know…she fainted, she looked, i don’t know, tired? dehydrated? i don’t know how to describe it but she wasn’t the normal y/n i know…” rhea softly spoke to him but he immediately knew what was the problem. he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath otherwise he was going to explode.

he knew. he knew for all of this time and he didn’t say anything. fearing you would get mad or worse, but what was worse than having you in an hospital bed?

he cursed under his breath, trying to calm himself.

he was blaming himself. he knew it was his fault. if he said something. if he talked with you about it, you probably wouldn’t be laying down there.

but his mind stopped thinking the moment the doctor told him what he didn’t want to hear - you were definitely dehydrated, you haven’t eaten a proper mean in days, you’ve been overworking yourself and your body was sore from the too many hours you spent training.

“can i see her?” damian asked and immediately went to your room once the doctor told him that you were awake.

the moment damian saw your eyes, he couldn’t hold the few tears falling down his eyes.

he saw how you avoided his look and he was suffering for you.

slowly he sat on the bed next to you.

“baby…mi amor” he called you, looking at your face.

turning your head to him, you saw his teary eyes and you couldn’t control your own tears any longer.

“mi amor, why?” that’s all he wanted to know.

“i wanna be skinny” your broken voice whispered “i wanna be skinny so bad damian, you don’t understand how it feels…” but he did. he understood perfectly how you were feeling because he’s been there, in your position. he lost a lot of weight, he was a new person now and he knew the feeling of not being good enough for you or other people. he knew it was deeper for you, and if he could he would take all of your pain away but he knew he couldn’t.

his hand gently stoked your cheek, his thumb drying your tears away “baby, why? you’re so perfect the way you are…i love you so fucking much, why hurting yourself?” his tone was soft and sweet.

“but i don’t damian! i don’t love the way i am, the way i look, the way i make you look when we are out together…i’m not perfect and i wanted to be perfect, for you, for me…” your tears falling down your cheeks.

damian’s heart broke when you said those words. you were more than enough for him. but he knew that it was you who needed to see that, not him.

“starving yourself won’t make you perfect baby…te amo, te amo tanto and i wanna be here for you, i wanna help you mi vida” his lips gently touched your head “i wanna help you feel better, i wish i could take your own pain away…i wanna be the one fighting your battles, i wanna be here for you…”

his words cut deeper than a knife.

he loved you too much to see you suffering like that.

“i just wanna love myself…and it’s tiring, it’s tiring not being able to accept who you are. i wanna love me, i wanna look at myself in the mirror and say how pretty i am, i wanna fucking love myself but i can’t…” your truth coming out.

“it will take time baby, it will take time but you are not alone in this…i wanna help you, i wanna show you how beautiful you are, how deserving you are…you’re everything i want, everything i need and i can help you. you wanna lose weight? okay, but we’re gonna do it healthily, together. you wanna work out? i can show you…please don’t hurt yourself again like this. i hate seeing you suffering and hurting” he tried to smile with you but he couldn’t help the tears flowing down his face.

you were at loss of words “okay…okay, together” you whispered, trying not to choke on your own sobs.

“together baby…” he whispered kissing your head, making you smile against his skin “te amo mi vida, te amo” he smiled, leaving more kisses down your face, making you chuckle.

and damian kept his promise. no matter how busy he was with work, how tired he was after a long work out. he was there step by step with you. he worked out with you. he cooked dinner with you. he helped you relax and he helped you listen to your body. he broke the scale you had in your bathroom, saying how you didn’t need one because changes weren’t a number.

you didn’t need a number to tell you what you wanted to hear, you needed to hear it from inside - the growth, the healthy progress you made. all thanks to damian, the man you loved the most.

[dysfunctionalupsidedown]

Mike Wheeler: Trauma, Insecurity, and "STurn" (Analysis)

In "From the Hair Chair: Finn Wolfhard | Stranger Things", which is available on the official Stranger Things YouTube channel, Finn Wolfhard addresses the question, "What's going on with Mike Wheeler in Season 4?"

Mike Wheeler’s behavior in S4 has confused many, especially general audiences. However, if you look at the bigger picture, his progression (or regression) into the Mike Wheeler we know from S4 does make sense. To get a clear idea of what’s going on with him, we must look at the four seasons sequentially and with a more subtextual eye. We have a few physical puzzle pieces, and for now, we need to fill in the rest with our imagination based on evidence. A Mike point of view isn’t particularly needed to fully understand this, although it would be helpful for the GA and is something I want from S5.

In relation to this particular interview, I’ll examine Stranger Things (2016) for the past and present and “STurn” for the possible future. “STurn” actually does tell us a bit about how Mike’s self-identity arc will potentially continue in S5 and wrap up.

Also, I understand that “STurn” isn’t factual and is not even confirmed to be related to ST5. Though I don’t believe this entire analysis is instantly negated by my use of the playlist, as its only purpose here is to assume a hypothetical future. Aside from the Finn interview, everything else comes straight from the show and holds a reasonable explanation for Mike’s behavior up until the end of S4.

Remember, this post is for fun and speculation, and "STurn" is the best we have right now. Just keep in mind that I’m going into this analysis assuming it’s related to Mike Wheeler in S5. I could be entirely incorrect. Similarly, this interview isn’t wholly factual either, as it’s not what’s in the show, but it relates enough to what we’ve been shown of Mike for me to comment on.

This might be a lengthier post. Be warned.

If you’re still here and interested, I’ll get right into it.

Trauma

Finn first addresses how each of the characters are dealing with their past trauma, and that is a perfect way to describe Mike’s behavior in S4. I think a lot of people, especially the general audience, forget that, yes, while these are all characters, trauma does have the ability to affect them and change their behavior. There was an entire “Your original character before trauma vs. after trauma” trend on TikTok a minute back, and that wasn’t for nothing. 

Mike, just in S1, witnessed one of his best friends go missing, watched this best friend turn up apparently dead (as well as see his “body”), went to his funeral, jumped off of a ledge, saw his other newfound friend disappear, and so much more. Don't even get me started on the following seasons.

Mike is afraid of losing. That’s what happened to him in S1. He lost. First Will, then El. 

His fear of loss and determination to keep things in his life are significant parts of his character and have been since S1. That’s why he was so intent on finding Will. That's why he checked his walkie for El every night. That’s why he acts out in S3-S4. This isn’t an excuse for his behavior, but an explanation. It’s part of his trauma, and we see this in S4 with his fear of losing Will and El again: “Maybe I feel like I lost you or something,” and “I can't lose you,” respectively. I theorize that he fears being out of control regarding these things.

A lack of control also explains why he was so volatile to Will and El during and after Rink-O-Mania. For Will, Mike addresses this directly to him when he apologizes. It’s made evident to the audience that he acted cold in part because he thought Will was slipping away, but truthfully, he wasn’t aloof. He noticed everything about Will’s behavior and even managed to make the tragedy of that day about their friendship. Now, back to the apology, “About the last few days… You didn’t deserve anything… The truth is, the last year has been weird… Maybe I was worrying too much about El… And, I don’t know, maybe I feel like I lost you or something.” His defensiveness during the argument at the rink seems more like a trauma response than straight-up disinterest, which some people apparently think.

For El, I think this translates into him wanting her to need him. If El needs him, then there’s no way he can lose her, right? We know from the show that she doesn’t need him anymore. Mike also acknowledges this multiple times, and that thought terrifies him. In the last episode, he explains this to her, “... The truth is, El, I don’t know how to live without you… I can’t lose you, okay?”

Before Will shows Mike the painting in the van, Mike explains his dilemma. Will tries reassuring Mike, telling him that El will be fine, and Mike says he understands that. Mike then explains his true concern, “But what if after all this is over, she doesn’t need me anymore?... The truth is, when I stumbled on her in the woods, she just needed someone. It’s not fate, it’s not destiny, it’s just simple dumb luck. And one day, she's gonna realize that I’m just some random nerd that got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep. I mean, at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter for The Daily Planet.” 

Will continues to comfort him, focusing more on the loss aspect of Mike’s trauma, which is made evident here. But those lines also make it clear that Mike is afraid El will realize his inferiority to her and abandon him. This is a good transition into Mike’s insecurity.

Insecurity

I’ve seen people argue against what Finn says here because Mike is part of the somewhat “outcast” group at school. I don’t think trying to argue that takes away from the fact that Mike did, does, and will continue to try and lead a “normal” lifestyle. He’s a teenage boy with a girlfriend and a friend group he fits into. That’s normal. He’s trying to get by. 

It was the same in S3. Mike was a kid with friends, a girlfriend, and a new want for maturity. It’s not unrealistic that the character is aging out of or into specific behaviors, especially ones that he’s previously exhibited. That leads us to his insecurity. 

We’ve had hints of it starting as far back as S1E3, when Troy injures Mike, and he initially lies about it to El so that he doesn’t seem like a loser. Similarly, these themes pick up with Will in S3E3 during their fight in the rain, “...We’re not kids anymore. I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?”

Curiously, Mike is shown to be especially “normal” in California. He dresses differently than he does in Hawkins and acts more aloof. As Argyle says, “It’s a shitty knock-off.” Skipping forward to the “... She's gonna realize that I’m just some random nerd that got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep… at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter for The Daily Planet” line, and we have a good enough view of Mike’s internal conflict.

He is deeply insecure, and it seems particularly so around El. I don’t know if this was addressed in the show, and I wish we had seen some of Mike’s letters, but does El even know about the Hellfire Club? I don’t believe we’re given any indication that she does, which could imply that Mike kept it hidden from her. It wouldn’t be surprising, considering his complete attitude change in California. Also keeping in mind that Mike stopped playing D&D when he was with her in S3 and only continued to play in S4 while El was away.

Mike also displays this insecurity by choosing to distance Will. For what reason, I can’t say for sure, but it’s probably something “abnormal.” 

Regardless, his insecurity ties into his fear of loss. The more normal he is, the more things he can maintain in life and the less he has to lose. Especially when it comes to El. It all stems back to his fear, not genuine malintent, and I see too many viewers misunderstand this. 

It also works the opposite way, to a different and lesser extent. If he’s out of Hellfire Club, he loses his “normal teenage clique.” Aside from losing El completely as someone he profoundly cares about, if he loses El as a partner, he loses his girlfriend. That’s a blow to his normality. 

Will is confusing to me. If he “loses” Will, just like he felt he did at the beginning of S4, he falls more into the pattern of trying to be normal. There’s no impact on his normality. By keeping Will at arms-length, Mike gravitated more towards his “shitty knock-off” version of himself. Something about Will brings out what Mike feels is abnormal in him, so by distancing himself, he could avoid it altogether. That’s likely in part what caused such a conflict at the beginning of S4: Mike’s inability to be “normal” while fully keeping Will in his life and vice versa, his inability to lose Will just to maintain normalcy.

"STurn"

We’ve focused on trauma and insecurity. Now, it’s time for self-identity. I think that's a theme in store for the future. I'll refer back to the “STurn” analysis I previously did.

Many of the songs on this playlist contain themes of a false identity. I’ll start with “Angst In My Pants” first. To quote my "STurn" analysis:

This song is about a person attempting to be someone they're not, suppressing who they really are, and it ultimately leading to dissatisfaction. The lyrics, "You can dress nautical / Learn to tie knots / Take lots of Dramamine / Out on your yacht" describe a faux lifestyle one lives that only serves to hurt them in the end: The idea of putting on a self-harming persona. This could be what Mike is going through in S5.

Next, we have "Substitute":

This track is about an idealized version of someone being put in place of their true self. The narrator describes a scenario in which their partner sees a version of them, "I'm a substitute for another guy / I look pretty tall but my heels are high / The simple things you see are all complicated / I look bloody young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah", that is unrealistic and put on, as seen in the lyrics "Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac / I look all white, but my dad was black / My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack"... The concept of a guise applies well to Mike, as referenced in Angst In My Pants. A recurring theme of hiding oneself really makes me think Mike is going to completely abandon his interests for a different lifestyle. I believe Finn has also mentioned that Mike wants to be as "normal" as possible, so I can't wait to see [how far] they take that idea. It could also be him realizing how he's been acting, and admitting that this "romanticized" version isn't true to him.

Finally, "The Rebel Kind":

Like The Better Side, I couldn't find any lyrics, so I'm doing it by ear. Though, I'm happy to say that this song is about a desire to embrace differences and rebellion. "We'll be free to run with the rebel kind" and "It's not easy, but I don't mind / I just want to run with the rebel kind" establish that. The track appears to tie into Mike's insecurity struggles throughout the playlist. It could be the narrator's struggle to keep up with societal norms before finally giving in to their truth instead of trying to conform, read as "they call us rebels but don't get how hard it is to for us to keep up." On the other hand, it could be the narrator commenting on how society doesn't understand people like them, and, by embracing their true selves, it proves more about who they are than conforming ever would; read as, "you think we're the rebellious ones, but you don't understand that we're more self-secure and strong than you'll ever be." I can see both of these interpretations working for Mike and his connection to the Party. The progression of insecurity in Angst In My Pants and potential realization of this guise in Substitute is wrapped up by Mike's self-acceptance here. I really hope this is how it plays out in S5.

Conclusion

Mike's brewing insecurity, paired with his trauma of loss, seems like it may boil over in S5. I theorize that he’ll drift even more into his “shitty knock-off” self, even if just on the surface, and do whatever he can to maintain normalcy in his life. Whether this leads to more conflict with Will, we’ll have to wait and see.

Besides that, Mike might eventually accept his "differences." He also may be willing to cope with loss for what it is, even if it’s the loss of the normalcy he tries so hard to maintain in certain situations. I can see Mike having a heavy emphasis on self-identity in S5, and as I said earlier, I can’t wait to see where they take that.

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed!

As is customary with all my posts, if anything here is incorrect or you believe there’s something I should add, feel free to let me know. I’d love to have more conversations about Mike and read all the predictions for S5 I can.

[kevinsdsy]

Hey I’ve been scrolling trying to miscellaneously source but is there any way you could make a list of your fancasts for the characters?? I agree so much with the Jeremy one and wanted to see the others. (Love the socmed au every day I get closer to making my own 😅)

young damon albarn as jeremy knox

so i got this fancast from @problemduetest4life and it’s my absolute favourite fancast— when i saw it for the first time my life was absolutely changed; i will die by this fancast y’all

young louis garrel as jean moreau

so i committed to this fancast after watching the dreamers (2003)— i saw a gifset of louis and michael pitt on pinterest and i was like ohhh 👀 let me check this out 👀 ((sadly i disliked the film and it made me very uncomfortable so do not take this as a recommendation LMAO)) but yeah louis is french and has a big nose too so that was all i needed to be convinced!

gabriella medina as cat alvarez

to me this is the perfect cat fancast. this is literally how i perceive her to look like. now i do know a lot of people actually fancast gabriella as laila instead, but i hadn’t seen this take until after i committed to this fancast— but tbh like i said this is exactly how i perceive cat so i probably would’ve stuck with this anyway.

salma malhas as laila dermott

NOWWW let me defend my case why i think salma is a better fit fancast for laila than gabriella— laila dermott is arab!!! now sadly i couldn’t find a lebanese fancast for laila (since laila is from beirut), but salma is from jordan, so at the very least she’s arab :))

there is sadly not a lot of arab representation in the media which is why it was so hard to find a fancast but i used to be obsessed with salma a few years ago so i’m glad i could bring her w me to this hyperfixtation instead lmao

ameziane as nabil mahmoud

NABIL MAHMOUD IS NORTH AFRICAN!!! IT WAS REVEALED TO ME IN A DREAM!!!! (i’m self projecting) at first i wanted to self project si bad to make him moroccan, but i didnt even have to look for a fancast i just knew nabil = ameziane for me and ameziane is algerian so i figured i would just stick with that ((idek ameziane’s real name he goes by that on tiktok and youtube and that’s where i know him from))

okay i have a few more fancasts (for shawn, angela and robin (future fox) so bare with me i’ll reblog this post in a second with those since i’m using my phone and there’s a limit of 10 pictures per pos

[autisticfaun420]

My life with level 2 (part 1)

I'm making this post to share some things about my life and give an idea about what my support needs are

1. Every morning I wake up sealed in my cubby bed, an enclosed bed that keep me trapped inside so I dont wander and hurt myself or roll out and have a meltdown (common things that happen with me and regular beds). It's also soft so I don't potentially bang my head against something hard. you're probably wondering well how do I go to the bathroom at night. That brings me to my next point.

2. Every morning after opening up my cubby bed either my mom, dad, caregiver, or occasional close friend takes me to my changing station in my room and begins to change my diaper. Thats right I was NEVER able to potty train and due to EXTREME sensory issues I am unable to change myself. This means I need constant super vision as I always need someone to change me, also calm me down if meltdown, etc. I simply have no way to tell I need to go, 1 or 2, till its much too late. So yeah diapers are an all day thing not just at night.

3. I'm older then 20 and my parents are l now my legal guardians for life, and if they can't do it I have friends that will step up. I'm not sure exactly what this means legally but I take it to mean Im basically still a kid to them on like, every level. They respect my intelligence but they still set the rules. One that always kind of gets people mad but then they understand is the fact that I have child safety internet settings on my tablet and phone, I can't access most social media websites and I'm not alliowed YouTube only YouTube Kids. This is because my parents and close friends agree that these teenage boys from a nearby town were trying to make me an "lol cow", basicallly a target for online harassment and bullying and trolling me because I was special needs and active on social media. Tumblr with my parents having the username and password and log ins and they check it every day is all I get. My friends and parents show me things from TikTok and Youtube that they think i'll like so I don't miss out. Oh yeah and I would binge watch horror and terror content on youtube, something that a lot of autistic people do apparently, however I mentally can't handle it. I wake up and freak out and hit myself all night and lose sleep for a week and end up in a mental hospital cause I'm hurting myself and not sleeping. Not fun... at all. I had unrestricted internet access as a teenager and I'm glad that part of my life is over. My parents do however let me eat cannabis edibles every day so its not like they're over protective, just protective in the way I need.

4. My parents are my emotional coregulators and I rely on them heavily, a lot of the time just to know how I'm feeling. I break down emotionally frequently and if my parents or a select few of my friends aren't there to cuddle me and rub my back the right way, I FREAK out and start hitting myself cause my brain is a bit nutty I guess. I'm needy with those I love to a rediculous degree. I'm a lot better, still not great, at self soothing. Self soothing is an oxymoron for me. I kinda need to be with somebody to be told to calm down, encouraged to come out my shell, praised when I do something good, and just having a hand to hold. My mom is rubbing my back encouraging me to write this out like I said I wanted to do.

5. I need to stim, constantly. I'm always rocking, fidget toy and plushie in hand chewing on my chewing laynyard, you get the idea. I also need audio and visual stims which I get in the form of watching bright colorful little kid shows on my tablet like Blues Clues and Daniel Tiger. I think this is why people don't think I'm smart but its just who I am and what my needs are.

I think this is a good starting point, I'll make a part 2 later.

[elbiotipo]

Oh, I just realized why there's not so much trolling in the internet lately, or rather, it's something people are unfamiliar with; signing up to websites is hellish, and they ask for all your personal data. Every fucking popular website asks you for your phone number, real name, double check identification, and all sorts of intrusive information to sign up. The other day I was configuring a new phone for my aunt and she would have been lost without me, there are jobs that ask for less background check than a fucking Gmail or Youtube account (which you need to use the Playstore), let alone instagram, or all sorts of stuff. Electronic banks have asked less verification from me than social media.

You can go through the hassle once (even though we shouldn't but it's a systemic issue at this point) but to open up an account for trolling and saying bullshit is too much of a hassle, unless you commit to it. There's also the fact that everything tries to be connected to your real name (it was such a process to make an alt Twitter as El Biotipo internet guy, not my real name) and real face (TikTok) now, and generations have grown expecting that, so the idea you could be some guy in the internet posting bullshit with no consequence just to rile up people and the fact that it could be fun, without the hassle of making new accounts, is lost.

So everyone thinks that when someone is posting absolute crap, they think they are being sincere (because why would you make an account on the internet just to lie???), when a few years ago, it would be just trolling.

Interesting this leads to a few places where the ancient art of Lying On The Internet For Fun is still alive; Reddit (ALL AITAs ARE FAKE, just so that you know), comment sections, and obscure forums. More interestingly, technically tumblr should be a place for that because it's one of the few places where you still can be mostly anonymous, but the average tumblr demographic is... como dicen los gringos? theatre kids? in a way, too nerdy and 'nice' to troll because that's lying and lying is bad you know

[madrone33]

I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you Jorge. Thank you everyone who sung, and drew, and edited, and worked on EPIC: The Musical because you have all given me something that I will always - ALWAYS - remember and cherish.

I've been on this journey for over a year now, since Halloween 2023 when WolfyTheWitch posted a random short of Poseidon with the coldest musical lyrics I've ever heard. Ruthlessness brought me to this project, to this fandom. I was in all the events my timezone could reach, posted and messaged and freaked out with fellow fans on discord and tumblr and youtube and tiktok and twitch. I scoured the whole internet to find every piece of music, read the interviews, watched every livestream - most notably of which were the Ocean Crowdcast stream, the Circe Stream Crash of 2024, the Policy Violation Stream, and the IRL Odyssey streams XD

I got my family into it and was able to gush and rant and ramble to them about it; I've made so many friends because of this, and entered so many other fandoms too: MHSG, Udad, PJO, Hadestown, JCS, Lucids, DEH, and so many, many more; I've made essays and graphs and spreadsheets and analysis, discussing and picking apart the themes, characters, music details, motifs, lyrics; My voice has grown leaps and bounds because of how much I sing out loud now, I learned the songs on the piano, I started drawing?? I've written almost 112k words of fanfic for Epic, it's insane (and also not written down so much more LMAO). I even went out of my comfort zone and posted some of my writing and my covers which is CRAZY and nerve wracking and really fun!

Each saga I was left completely stunned and awestruck. Each saga I thought "surely, nothing can top this" and yet EVERY TIME I was blown away again the next time. The writing, the singing, the voice acting, the visuals, the orchestration, the lyrics, everything is just- !!!

Jorge. Miguel. Rivera-Herrans. HOW?? It's so good! It's SO GOOD!! And everyone's voices?? Everyone, just everyone is just talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same- THIS MUSICAL IS PURE ART, A MASTERPIECE OF A LEVEL HITHERTO UNKNOWN, THE LIKES OF WHICH MAY NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN. The fact that I was born in this spot in time, able to experience and appreciate and bask in the light of this glorious concept musical?? I am unfathomably lucky, and I thank the musical gods that it is so.

This past year has been one hell of a journey. I laughed a lot, I wrote lmao while actually only internally laughing a lot, I was tired and comforted and excited and anxious, I cried which I'm almost never able to do with media; Every day I would wake up and immediately check my phone for an upload notification, which is how I caught the Livestream today instead of missing it, so phew; I felt burned out sometimes, but managed to catch it and diversify my activities a bit, sinking into something else for a while before coming back refreshed and even more excited; My entire music wrapped this year was Jorge, Epic cast members' independent music, and greek mythology musicals; I watched the fandom grow even more, all the art, the fanfic, the theories, the memes, the friends.

I still don't think it's fully sunk in yet, but the entire musical is out now. It's done. I'm watched from saga three to nine, from Ocean to Ithaca. I've been here, every day, for a year. This is something that I don't think I'll ever experience again. I am so so thankful.

Thank you, Jorge, for bringing this into the world. What would it be, five and a half years now that he's been creating EPIC? He should be so proud, because I'm sure as hell proud. Odysseus finally made it home. The story is over.

But still, as Jorge said - This not the end of the journey, this is just the end of a chapter; the journey goes on!!

And I'll be here, taking that journey with you.

[beegalactica]

HOT GIRLS ARE CONSCIOUS.

I haven't been on Tumblr in about 3 months (life has been busy), and when I finally decided to check back in today, I kept seeing the same thing over and over again, so I am here to dispel some myths.

If you have seen any of my posts, you will know the issues I have with traditional TikTok-y trendy 'glow-up' advice, but today I realised how much of it is just a ploy to get us to spend tons of money on things we CAN live without. I think we all need to be more CONSCIOUS: conscious of what we can realistically afford and implement into our daily lives.

For example, in a typical 'glow-up' advice post, tiktok or youtube video, they recommend these super unrealistic routines that include a full skincare routine of every type of cream you could ever imagine, and an incredibly detailed list that lays out how you need to spend every 10 minutes of your day in order to achieve this perfect form.

It's all hear-say.

Don't get roped into thinking that you need those brand new clothes, or you need those skincare items to be your best self. The idea of turning your 'glow-up' into a sustainable part of your life is to do things you can manage to do over and over again. The secret to glowing up permanently is having a routine that keeps you happy and healthy. Instead of buying a full shelf of skincare all in one go, get 1 or 2 items with positive reviews to start. You don't need to throw out your whole wardrobe and sell your soul to TEMU just to look aesthetic; use what you have. Rather than making short term impulsive purchases, treat every part of your life as an investment.

Especially when it comes to clothing, being someone who has lost weight and no longer fits into all their old clothes, instead of throwing everything out and starting from scratch, I bought a little amazon sewing kit with a couple of needles and different types of thread and started cutting and sewing my way to a better wardrobe. (Even TODAY, I turned an old pair of jeans that I never wear into a cute miniskirt all from a 5 minute YouTube tutorial.) If sewing isn't your thing, you can try using some hemming tape and an iron, fabric glue, or whatever you can. Be conscious of the things you buy and how often you buy them.

I know lots of people like thrifting, and you can thrift online with apps like Vinted, which I personally use and love, if you don't have access to massive thrift stores like they do in America (I'm totally not jealous at all 🙄🙄; I live in the UK and the closest things I have near me are charity shops but there's a sort of stigma around shopping in them but honestly who cares what others think).

When you shop for clothes, look for timeless and versatile pieces you can mix and match, layer and style with lots of different things, allowing you to wear them well. Try to find good staple pieces, that will make the basis of your wardrobe. Be an outfit repeater. Do not blindly follow trends; take the time to curate and explore to find your style. Make a massive Pinterest board of everything you think looks good, and start to make a list of common items of clothing and accessories you save the most; these will be your staples. Don't feel like you have to stick strictly to one aesthetic; my wardrobe ranges from 'fairycore' maxi skirts to y2k denim skirts, but what matters is that I am mindful of whether I will use the things I want to buy.

Of course, feel free to treat yourself, you 100% deserve it, but don't get sucked into the idea that your self worth is determined but WHAT you have; instead it should be how you FEEL in what you have.

I like to see my blog as a little notebook of things I wish I could have told my younger self, and things I want to remind my future self, and I feel like it would be a disservice to not talk about the oversaturation of our feeds with infinite products, to the point where everything feels like an AD.

Moral of the story: don't just take everything you see online at face value. Don't get trapped in extensive consumerism; it's bad for your bank account, it's bad for the environment and it's bad for your mental health.

Also here's my Pinterest if you want to have a peek around <3 Pinterest

[honey-worm]

R.I.P Liam Payne.

Many things went on through my head the day I found out that a member of One Direction passed away. It was Wednesday October 16th, 2024 around 3pm. I was having a pretty normal day at work until I got the news via text from a friend.

"Bitch Liam Payne from One Direction died" "You're fucking joking"

I was in literal shock. I really thought they she was joking (if you can even joke about death.) I went on Instagram and the first post was, of course, Liam passing away at the age of 31. I literally booked it to the restroom to scroll down multiple social media platforms, verifying what I had just read and messaging friends back who were also freaking out. People who I haven't talked to in years, you know, the ones I would just scroll by on Facebook, stated that I was the first one they thought of. They wondered if I had posted about it. I didn't realize how big of a fan I was until they mentioned it to me because it's not like we were ever best friends back when 1D was the it band. I honestly couldn't believe it. There was just no way that Liam Payne, from one of the biggest boybands in the world, was no longer with us in the flesh.

After the devastating news, the next hour at work was a blur. I couldn't concentrate on what was needing to be done. None of my coworkers were going through what I was feeling. Though, I already knew they wouldn't understand... They're all 50+ years old. I had no one to talk to about this.

The moment I got into my car after work, my Made in the A.M. album CD was already playing. I checked Twitter and TikTok, feeling the emotions of every single directioner. Retweet this, retweet that. Repost this, repost that. I got myself off the apps and headed home, singing along to the boys I hold so close to my heart. I started to cry because suddenly I was 17 again and things would never be the same. The songs would never be the same. All my 1D memories were flooding in rapidly. All the tweets, all the fanfictions, all the youtube videos, all the posters, all the merch, all the talk... All of it. Teenage me was surfacing.

As I got home, I took my dogs out, fed them, and immediately got into bed. Back to doom scrolling. I needed to be with people who understood me. Tweet after tweet. I was reading everyone's tweets about how sad we all are and how so many of us don't have anyone in our real lives to understand the impact this actually has. We all gathered on social media to start grieving. It felt like we had jumped back in time, constantly tweeting and talking about a boyband that made us so incredibly happy during such bad times in our lives. My whole timeline was filled with photos of the boys again. Every tweet was a directioner, just like it was 11+ years ago. It was such a bittersweet feeling. Happy because it's all about the boys again, but, upsetting because it's all about the boys again due to a tragic death of one of them. We aren't teenagers anymore. I wasn't just grieving Liam, I was grieving my inner teen. Grieving the fact that we'll never get to go back to that time again. It was such a weird feeling. I'd cry, be fine, feel numb, dissociate, go back to crying, back to being fine, cry again, go numb... It was a literal rollercoaster of emotions.

What's so crazy to me is that I spent the 2 weeks prior of this loss, binging all 1D songs. I was in the middle of reminiscing about my teenage years of being absolutely obsessed with the band, rereading the fanfic I wrote when I was 19, watching frat boy Harry edits, remembering the way I felt during those times...... Then Liam dies??? What was the universe up to??? I couldn't believe that every day for 14 days, I was listening to all albums before, during, and after work. They were just on all day every day. I was reliving my teenage years, remembering how infatuated I was with "frat boy" Harry. The one that made me fall in love with 1D in the first place.

Myself, and so many others, were never expecting a tragedy to happen to one of our idols so early on in life. We weren't expecting to experience such a loss at the ripe ages of early 20s-early 30s.

I hope that all fans are spending their time with loved ones (online or in real life) during this time because what you're going through is so so valid. You aren't alone. The whole world is mourning such a big part of our lives. Continue to let 1D live on. Watch those YouTube videos, read those fanfictions, listen to those 1D songs, watch those 1D movies.

You and that inner child deserve to relive such a happy time during a traumatic chapter.

And please remember to love one another. Continue to be a lover. Give love, choose love. Love everyone, always. No matter what, treat people with kindness. You never know what someone is going through.

All my love,

R. x

[winchesterwild78]

Chance Meeting

This is my first ever fan fiction. I adore Jensen Ackles and have no hate towards his family. In this he’s single. I’m not sure exactly how to do this so any suggestions or feedback is appreciated. Please be kind and all mistakes are my own.

Please don’t take my work. 18+ Only!

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut (later on), Jensen being a sweetheart

———————————————————————

You guess in order to tell your story you have to start when you and Jensen first met. It was a chilly day in October. You were so excited about your first ever Supernatural Convention. You had been a fan of the show since it started and watched every single episode, several times over. Like everyone else, you have your favorites and of course like everyone your least favorite being the very last episode.

Anyway, you’re rambling. You tend to do that when you think back on moments where your world turned upside down. Like you said before, this was your first convention. You’ve seen videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok, but nothing could have prepared you for being there in person.

You spent the money for the gold admission, because hey go big or go home, right? You had every outfit picked out for each photo op and panel you knew you were going to attend. You had paid for single photo ops of Misha, Jared, and of course the green eyed angel himself, Jensen. You’ve always been a “Dean” girl, and a fan of Jensen. Between his shows, movies and his music. Damn is he a talented man. You also had a photo op for Jared, Jensen and Misha. *swoon* The photo ops were all scheduled for Saturday as were most of the panels. You didn’t know exactly what to expect for Friday, but the air was electrified with anticipation, excitement and curiosity. You opted to stay at the hotel that was hosting the convention because you seriously didn’t want to have to Uber back and forth. Plus you wanted to come and go when you got tired or needed a break you’d head to your room then back down again.

You finally arrived at the check in desk and got my room key. The front desk clerk was super nice but gave you a weird smile and wink when she told you your room and floor. “You’re on the 7th floor, room 714” *grin and wink* Um, thanks you said as you grabbed the key and your stuff. As you waited for the elevator you heard some fans talking about the actors who were already there. One of them asked about Jared, Jensen and Misha. The first girl who was obviously a Dean girl by the look of her outfit said they don’t get there until late tonight so they shouldn’t expect to see them at all today. You laughed at the disappointment on their faces and put in your earbuds and turned on Radio Company to just relax. Something about Jensen’s voice just made you relaxed. Of course one of your favorite songs started right up and you couldn’t help but sing along. “Ain’t No Tellin” was playing as the elevator opened up.

*Ding* went the elevator and you stepped in. You couldn’t believe you were alone in the elevator. Or so you thought. You must have missed the man standing in the corner. In your defense he had on a dark pullover and a baseball cap. You continued singing this time louder because again, you thought you were alone. Then there was a tap on your shoulder and you screamed. The man standing in the corner threw his hands up apologizing for scaring you. It was then you realized you knew that voice. Oh my god! It was Jensen Ackles!! You pulled your earbuds out and told him you were sorry you screamed and you didn’t see him there. He smirked that half cocked smirk and said I figured since you started singing louder once you got in. Your face instantly turned three shades of red. He extended his hand and said “Hi, I’m Jensen, and you are?” You take his strong calloused hand in yours trying not to melt and trying to remember your name. Oh my god, my name, what’s my name?!?!? His beautiful green eyes staring straight into your soul. You felt his thumb rub circles on your hand and you suddenly remembered how to speak. You smile brightly with your y/c eyes and finally say My name is y/n, nice to meet you. Your hands held on just a few seconds longer before you both pulled away. Well nice to meet you y/n I hope you have a great time this weekend and I get to see you again soon. Yeah, thanks you too is all you could say with a smile.

The elevator stopped on floor 7 and you stepped out looking at the signs on the wall for which direction your room was in. You were talking to yourself when you heard that honey whiskey voice in your ear “Find your room yet?” His warm breath was on your ear and neck and it sent shivers down your spine. You spin around and you realize just how close you two really are. Damn his eyes are beautiful you think to yourself and those plump lips. Mmm I could get drunk off of those you thought. You manage to whisper out “yeah, I’m in 714, it’s this way.” Jensen smiles and nods as you walk away.

You make it to your room and go around checking everything before you start to unpack. You’re halfway through unpacking when there is a knock at your door. You sigh walk over and look out the peephole and see Jensen standing there with a grin on his face. You start to panic thinking you did something wrong. With a deep breath you open the door and smile. “Jensen, what are you doing here?” He looked at you smiled and asked if he could come in for a minute. You step aside and let him in before closing the door and locking it. This was a habit you picked up long ago being single and living alone. He came in and took a seat at the foot of the bed. You stood near the door trying to figure out what was going on. The silence seemed to go on for hours, but it was really seconds. Jensen told you he really enjoyed hearing you sing and he wanted to know if you would join everyone tonight for the Karaoke party and maybe sing something with him. I’m sorry what? Was all you could say. He chuckled and said it again. I don’t really like singing in front of people, if I knew anyone was on the elevator I wouldn’t have sang. You said and shyly smile at him. He stood up and took your hands in his. Y/N, please consider coming. I really would love to sing just one song with you. You look up into his emerald green eyes and look away. You take your hands out of his and sit in the chair at the desk.

“Why” you ask him in a very low voice. Why would you want me to sing with you. I’m nobody. Hell I don’t even look like the right type of woman to be standing next to you. I’m not a model, I have extra weight every where, stretch marks and I love chocolate. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Jensen sighed and bent down in front of you taking your hands again. Y/N please look at me. He spoke softly this time. You could smell his woodsy cologne and the mint gum he was chewing and it drove you wild. God he smelt like heaven and every time he touched you it was like electricity shooting through you. You kept your head down to hide the tears that pricked your eyes. You’ve never been beautiful in the eyes of the world and you’ve always carried extra weight. You’ve had your fill of insults and people judging you for your looks and you really didn’t want to stand up in front of a room full of strangers next to one of the most gorgeous men on the planet and judged. When you didn’t lift your head, Jensen slowly took his hand and placed it under your chin to lift up your face. He saw the pain in your eyes and you saw the regret and sadness in his. Hey sweetheart, don’t cry. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to push or upset you. If you don’t want to I’m okay with it. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just wanted the world to hear that beautiful voice I heard. A single tear left your eye and you felt his thumb wipe it away. You looked in his eyes and you have no idea what or why, but you both started to move towards each other. Your lips were inches from his and he smiled. Jensen whispered “can I kiss you” and you nodded. He placed a sweet kiss on your lips then pulled away. You looked at him and smiled. As he walked towards the door Jensen turned around and said I hope to see you later y/n, even if you come just to enjoy the show. Then he turned around and left you standing in your room. Your head was spinning and you could feel the ghost of the kiss still on your lips.

You stood there for a few minutes trying to gather your thoughts. Did Jensen Ackles really just kiss me, and why? You had a decision to make, go to Karaoke or not. So many things running through your head. The loudest thing was how desperately you wanted to see and kiss Jensen again.

Next part coming soon

[haruharuz]

Dump & Go meals are probably going to be some of the easiest meals for people who struggle with depression, anxiety, or other types of disabilities.

If you're preparing for surgery, giving birth, or just feel exhausted all the time please look into them.

There's a few different types of dump and go meals.

Instant pot : VERY fast and efficient, you typically throw shit in there with MINIMAL work and press a few buttons and wait.

Crock pot: SLOW. Very slow. Your food will take hours to be ready so if you're going to be at home all day, throw it in there in the morning and it'll be done for dinner. For breakfast and lunch you can have easy meals like premade lunchables or sandwiches.

Pan: You throw everything on a big sheet pan and into the oven! Less dishes, simple and easy to do.

Stove: This one requires the most ACTIVE cooking. You'll need to stir/add/etc occasionally to check on it. Unlike the others where you practically add a couple things and walk away.

This also promotes eating at home and EATING in general. I'm no stranger to forgetting to eat for an entire day and then not eating only because I didn't have enough spoons to cook.

"Okay but how do I find them?" Go online, whether tiktok, youtube, or google and look up instant pot recipes, crock pot recipes, dump & go recipes, and freezer meal recipes.

MAKE SURE you thaw these out in the fridge! Every night before bed just pull one out and put it in the fridge :)

Edit: I will also make note! You can often find freezer meals that work WONDERFULLY ! An example is pre seasoning + cutting some chicken, potatoes, and broccoli. Label it CLEARLY with directions !

That means you can freeze a batch of 15+ dinners/lunches AT ONCE and then not have to panic about cooking. If you’re a rice lover like myself you can buy a small rice cooker and turn it on while the other pot goes and that’s IT that’s all it takes for healthy yummy dinner

[foxyyaoguai]

The antis have been all over my posts in the last few days, so I wanted to share my experiences and write a guide on how to deal with them. 

First off: Our ships and character preferences are valid, no matter how hard some people try to demonize them. We are part of fandom and allowed to post about the things we enjoy, just like everyone else. Our fanfics, fanart, video edits, photo edits, etc. are all works of love and they deserve to exist and be explored by others. 

✨ Strategies for dealing with antis ✨

Don’t engage. I have checked the bios of all the antis that left comments under my posts, and the majority of them are minors. You don’t want to talk to minors in fandom spaces!! And a conversation based on logic or reason won’t be possible either. 

Delete their comments. Tumblr, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube allow you to delete comments, DO IT!! You created something with love and hateful comments have no place underneath it. Even if the comment just makes you uncomfortable and isn’t outright hateful, it is perfectly reasonable to delete it for your own sanity.

Block generously. Not only the people who target you specifically but also anyone who engages in character- or ship-bashing. People who do that for one ship will do it for other ships too and it’s extremely bad fandom etiquette. When you see a character or ship-bashing post, block everyone who liked it and then the poster.

Report people for harassment. The rules vary by site, but especially threats of violence should be reported. Also, if someone follows you to another social media site after you’ve blocked them, that is called block evading and you should report that too. 

When you see other people getting hateful comments underneath their posts, leave a nice comment to offset some of the negativity. Your being supportive can make the difference between this person never posting again and them being motivated to keep going. People are always welcome to send me links to a post that is getting targeted by antis and I’ll like it and leave a nice comment. 🥰

Don’t let the bad comments outshine the positive ones! Every time my post gets enough traction for antis to find it, it also gets lots of lovely reactions. Many people have told me that my content and recommendations made them ship my OTP, and that is the single thing that makes me happier than anything else. Take a screenshot and look at these kinds of comments when you feel down. This is the real reason you should keep posting. 

Most hate comments are exceptionally uncreative. It helps to laugh about it, preferably with a friend. ✨ Remember, you used your energy to create something and you should be proud of it!

When you see a creator you like, but they also display obnoxious behavior towards people who like other ships, characters, or dynamics, at the very least don’t give them a platform by sharing their posts. 

Stay safe. Don’t post personal information online. 

It’s completely valid to step away from social media for some time. Private your accounts, turn off notifications, do a canon reread, read some fanfics in peace. Whatever it takes to remind you why you love the things you love. 

Bonus Tip: Watch videos of cute animals to destress. Bunnies nose-booping each other can (and will) cure anti-induced anxiety. :)

✨ Platforms sorted by least to most toxic and my advice for using them ✨

1. Discord 

Discord is great because you can join servers specifically for your favorite characters and ships. If a server doesn’t already exist, consider setting one up! Pro tip: only invite people that have positively interacted with you in the past. A small server consisting of nice people is a lot more fun than a large server consisting of members that can’t get along or are only marginally interested in the topic. 

Fandom Discord servers have clear guidelines on what you can post. As long as you follow the rules, people have no grounds for calling you out. In my experience, moderators are quick to respond to harassment.  

When you join a server and you see they heavily restrict certain types of content, it is a red flag. Proceed with caution, even if you plan to only talk about “safe” characters and ships. 

2. Tumblr

I have rarely gotten hateful comments on Tumblr, and the few times I did they were easy to delete.  

A lot of the older fandom generations use Tumblr and they are more mature and accepting of all kinds of content.

3. Twitter

Twitter makes it easy to curate your own fandom experience. You can mute words you don’t like to see on your timeline, mute and block users, and most people have their ship preferences in their bio.

4. Instagram

My Instagram posts about Jadecest get a lot of positive interaction, even more than on Twitter. There are unpleasant comments once in a while, but they are easy to delete. 

Blocking a user will delete all their comments from your posts. 

5. YouTube

People who don’t like your ship will downvote your videos and downvotes lead to the algorithm not recommending your videos. 

I have gotten a few negative comments, but they are easy to delete. 

6. Reddit 

When you post in a fandom subreddit, everyone will see the post, independent of their ship preferences. 

There are a lot of minors on Reddit. 

You can’t delete comments.

Most fandom subreddits are poorly moderated. 

7. TikTok

I have gotten the most hate comments on TikTok. They can be filtered or deleted, but antis interacting with your video by leaving hate comments will lead to the algorithm recommending your content to even more antis. It can get very ugly. 

If you post on TikTok consider turning off comments, stitches, and video replies. You can also mark your content as 18+, so it won’t get recommended to minors. (Again, antis tend to be underage.)

Platforms are more toxic the more they show your content to people outside your bubble. Discord, Tumblr, and Twitter keep your content relatively well contained to your circle of friends. Reddit, TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram heavily promote your content outside your bubble, which is good, because more people are going to see it, but also bad, because it reaches more antis. 

~~~

Antis are loud and obnoxious, but it’s important to remember that they are a minority. Ship and let ship still exists, especially among the people who have been in fandom spaces for more than just a few years. Don’t be afraid to post your content and express your love for your favorite characters and ships! I, for one, would love to see your creations, and many other people would love to see them too. 

What are your experiences and strategies for dealing with antis?

[renamami]

Facts About Romani People Because That One Person Asked For it On My Post About Azusa

A while back I made a post about how I wished people in the Diabolik Lovers fandom focused more on how Azusa is a Romani man and how cool that was for an otome game. Somebody reblogged and asked for somebody to make a post about Romani people so we'd have more reference on how to incorporate Azusa's heritage into more content of him so here it is!

I wanna preface this post by saying that I am not Romani or of Romani descent! I simply like learning about other cultures and groups of people and want people to learn more information about a race that has been villainized and oppressed for centuries. While I'll be discussing basic history, myths and stereotypes, and basics in culture, please make sure you go find Romani creators and people to get more information from! I love Florian on TikTok and YouTube so I recommend checking him out first!

As somebody who is not Romani, there might be some things that aren't completely correct since I'm relying on what is available. Always listen to Romani voices when looking for information. I'm just providing basics and am definitely NOT and expert!

Basic Terminology & History

First off, you might know Romani people often being referred to as the G-word. It's a racial slur that came from people believing they originated in Egypt and has been used for centuries to degrade and demean Romani people. NEVER USE THIS WORD.

The Romani people have a very closed culture and language which has helped them preserve it throughout the years. Translations and translators are hard to find and I don't recommend trying to find any out of respect for the community. What is known, though, is that there are masculine and feminine ways to refer to Romani people.

Romani: The race and communities as a whole

Roma: I'm slightly unclear on this one but it's another way to refer to the race and community itself. Take this with a grain of salt and do your own research

Rom: Way to refer to men as masc Romani people

Romni: Way to refer to women and fem Romani people

Romanipen: The Romani philosophy, rules, laws, and culture (note that there are a bunch of different communities since Romani is a race. There is Christian and Muslim Romani groups and people who's rules differ from others. Like all races, every community is different.)

Gadjo/Gadji: Someone who has no Romanipen, typically someone who is not ethnically Romani but can also mean a Romani person who does not live in Romani culture

Contrary to myth, the Romani people originate from South Asia, more specifically India. It's not clear when in India they came from but it's speculated that they came from the North-West region about 1,000 years ago. From there, they migrated to Europe and other continents. There are Romani populations all over Europe, commonly known mostly in Romania and Spain. Even now, the Romani language still has Indian and South Asian influences as well as Persian and Arabic influences.

From the very beginning, Romani people were discriminated against. They were labeled as wizards, thieves, baby-snatchers, etc. They were enslaved and coerced into chattel slavery in the Middle Ages by the Danubian Principalities where they were divided into groups by their owners. In the 16th-18th centuries, anti-Romani sentiment grew around Europe which led to many Romani people being murdered without any justice being served. They continued to be persecuted and blamed for a range of thing for centuries even up to this day.

In WWII, Romani people, along with Jews and black people, were at the very bottom of Hitler's totem pole and were targeted for ethnic cleansing in the Holocaust. While it's estimated that the death toll came in 150,000 people, others estimate it to be around 1.5 million victims of the Romani Holocaust. Unfortunately, the Romani victims are still very overlooked when the Holocaust and WWII is covered.

Right now, Romani people are still being persecuted and stigmatized. In Romania, they live in squatter communities with high unemployment. While some live a "nomadic" lifestyle, most migration is forced because a ton of communities don't accept Romani settlements. Discrimination is still rampant and all the violence and propaganda that racism entails is still alive and well when it comes to the Romani people, especially in Europe.

Please note that this is a VERY vague history and absolutely does not cover nearly a fraction of Romani history. This is just the cliff notes and I've only scratched the very surface and left out a lot of details.

Myths & Stereotypes

You ever see this shit before?

What you're looking at right here are racist racial caricatures and oversexualized fantasies of Romani women, specifically "fortune tellers".

Let's quickly get into myths.

Fortune Tellers: Romani people who were impoverished and desperate and down on their luck turned to earning money where they could. It was already a prevalent stereotype that Romani people were witches and mind readers, so many women turned to fortune telling and giving tarot readings because that was what was available to them and were thus painted as occult-loving scam artists. No, they are not supernatural being or seers. In the same way that somebody can practice spirituality, that's what they did. Nothing more, nothing less. Extra tidbit: tarot is not a closed practice specific to the Roma. Saying that it is is like saying banking is a closed practice for Jews. It's racist to push that narrative and if anyone tries to just know they're a dumbass.

The Exotic Wanderer: Romani people very rarely travel out of desire. They travel and migrate because everywhere pushes them out and denies them permanent residence. They aren't free-spirited nomads and portraying them as such further harms them. Speaking of exotic;

The Mysterious and Sexy Romani Woman: Notice how all the women in the picture above are super sexualized or have this air of mystery to them? That's because art, theater, and propaganda has painted Romani women as sexually available and provocative, gaudy, and "exotic". Women of color, you know what I'm talking about because we all deal with it. One of the biggest examples in recent history and the most popular in modern culture is Esmeralda from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame adaptation. She's portrayed as this mysterious and enchanting dark-skin Romni woman who all the guys are after in, again, stereotypical and oversexualized traditional Romani clothing. I mean, they had her essentially pole dance within the first hour of the movie. This portrayal of Romani women in media actively contributes to sexual violence against them. DO NOT ENTERTAIN THAT SHIT.

Thieves, Criminals, and Baby Snatchers: This one has been around for centuries. It's rather self-explanatory so I won't heavily explain the first two. Romani people have been painted as violent outsiders for as long as they've been in Europe and other places. Blaming disease, crime, and things going missing on them was (and often still is) a European's favorite pastime. The baby-snatcher narrative is common in media, again like in Hunchback where Esmeralda was originally a white French girl in the book who was stolen and replaced Quasimodo by Romani people. Obviously this is fucking gross and a vile narrative to push. When I talk more about Azusa, I'll get into adoption more.

There are obviously more myths and stereotypes but these are the biggest ones. Now, to cleanse your eyes, have what real Romani clothing and women look like.

See the difference? Modesty is a huge aspect of Romani culture.

Culture & Society

Again, much of Romani culture is closed and has been kept alive through remaining closed. This is just what they (or scholars) have chosen to tell and what I have personally learned. It is important to remain respectful of what Romani people do and do not want to share. That said, not much is left of Indian influence in Romani culture save for the people who still celebrate Hindu holidays. However, what has survived is the concept of universal balance. Many believe that everything, or almost everything, fits into a natural place. For example, birds are supposed to fly right? It's chill to eat those if your faith allows it. But a penguin? That bitch doesn't fly, it's a freak of nature, so don't eat it. A penguin is out of balance and, therefore, bad luck. That's why Romani people traditionally don't eat hen eggs because girlie can't fly. Of course, other faiths like Muslim Roma, who have special recipes, eat hen eggs.

Like every race, every community and individual has a different faith. Most popular is Christianity and Catholicism and it has become the primary faith among Romani people. Other religions like Islam and Hinduism are also practiced. These faiths have their own set of rules that they follow alongside Romanipen, which is not written and passed down orally. Romani people even have their own patron saints: Ceferino Giménez Malla, The Virgin of Hope of Macarena who is specific to the Spanish Calé, and Kali Sara who is an Indian deity and protector of the Roma. For Christians and Catholics, they also worship the Virgin Mary and Jesus Christ.

Cleanliness is another big facet of Romani culture. Your genital area is considered impure and unclean. Because of this many Roma do not have pet cats or dogs because they lick their genitals. These rules are so strict that food must be entirely discarded should a strand of hair from these animals get into it as the whole meal is then contaminated. Additionally, tops and bottom are typically washed separately as to not mix pure and impure fabrics. This is especially true for AFAB menstruation, which is also seen as impure, as is childbirth. This is because of Romani code which is the most important part of Romanipen: pillars both honor and shame.

Like many societies, importance is placed on the men and subscribe to expected gender norms. In typical Romani home consists of a married couple, their unmarried children, at least one married son and his wife, and their children. Extended family and family in general are an integral part to Romani society so they will play active roles in a Romani child's life. It is possible to be expelled from your community, however, should you go against your community's rules or, for example, marry a gadjo. This is because, depending on the community, it would bring dishonor.

Every since the 16t century, Romani people have either made their livings or enjoyed their time through music and dance. Both still have Indian influences but have also added other elements depending of the region. For example, belly dancing is big among the Turkish Romani. Have you heard of flamenco music from Spain? Did you know that it came directly from the Romani Calé? Romani music has had a huge influence outside of the community, as it has inspired genres like bolero and jazz music.

Before I go onto how I want to see Romani culture integrated with Azusa content in the future, I want to touch up on adoption and interracial marriage. While interracial marriage is frowned upon in some communities, if a gadjo learns Romanipen and lives their life as if they are Romani, they are accepted as fully Romani. This also goes for adopted children. If they live by the rules and codes, dedicate themselves to the culture and society, then they are fully Romani.

Azusa Mukami, His Romani Identity, and What I Want To See More Of

While Diabolik Lovers does have it's problematic moments when referring to Azusa's past such as calling his community but the g-slur, it's super important to recognize how freaking awesome it is to have a Romani character who is largely not a racial caricature and not portrayed as less than simply for being Rom. He is a fully fleshed out and romancable character which is so cool.

It isn't explicitly stated whether Azusa was adopted by his community or is Rom by blood, but given the time period around the 1960's to 1980's (I recommend looking at @i-write-hurt-not-comfort's blog for more information on the Mukami's timeline) I would recommend steering FAR away from the idea of him being picked up since the baby-snatcher stereotype was and is still big. Plus, it's just so much more fun having a non-white Rom love interest. Let him be brown, y'all. Also, he's Romanian Romani, let me see him be Romanian Romani.

Speaking of which, know he's super pale but I want to see him be South Asian and anemic! It's so rare that Romani people are white and Azusa would look cute with tan or dark skin. I'd love to see more art where he has melanin. Brown and black people can be pale too due to things like anemia. Don't be afraid to make him look like a vampire that has not seen the sun in days who happens to be brown!

This man canonically loves spicy food! You know what race's food is super rich in spices and flavor? Romani food! I'd love fics where we get even a throw away line talking about him eating spicy stew or chile mole. Make him hold Ruki at knifepoint in the kitchen having him make some stuffed peppers.

Even small things like him not eating eggs or separating his tops and bottoms because that's what he learned to do as a child would be so damn nice to see. Tiny things that connect him to his race and heritage would be so cool to see in more content of him.

Final Thoughts

Romani people, each community and each individual, have such rich culture and history. They are incredibly interesting to learn about and have had so much influence over things we might not even thing about. They're not only in Europe. They're every where. South America, the US, Asia, every where. It's about time people started recognizing them outside of what governments and white supremacy teaches us and admire the resilience and beauty of the Romani people. Please do your own research and look for real Romani people to get more information from on TikTok, YouTube, hell even the damn bird app. I hope this helped whoever wanted to know more about the Romani people. Thank you sm for reading too, this was a long one.

[rewuyuu]

Hello 😊

I would like to ask you how to avoid any posts related to leaks on HSR and other games since I found them really annoying which affected my gameplay experiences. They appear everywhere that I don't know how to block them in various social media platforms 🤦‍♀️

P.S. Hoyolab has also turned into a hellscape of AI art, meaningless memes, 'which gachas have you pulled?' posts and official art edits😱 I only log in for check-ins but these posts are always on top that are a bit annoying....a

ello! on tumblr, you can add filtered tags/post content in your settings (and include the word 'leaks' under content plus every tag that gets used for leaks). on twitter, you can mute phrases such as 'leaks' under settings > privacy and safety > mute and block. i also mute any account that i see posting or interacting with leaks so that i wouldn't get them on my timeline again.

youtube is tough, it's probably best to stay away from it for 3 or so days before a new story patch drops. i have no clue about instagram since i don't use it, and my tiktok is mostly cosplay videos so i haven't had to avoid leaks there, but i'd imagine there should be options for muting as well.

oh, thanks for reminding me about the check-in lmfao... honestly most of the time i forget hoyolab exists