#i cant stop others from thinking about the representation of me!

[argent-sz]

hiii hii omg hii im gonna go on one of me late night delirious rambles! read at your own discretion or not, whatever fuck ! you(endearinggly and maybe some sort of innuendo idk im tired im not in tune with my emotions as for every night im emotionally vulnerable after 7:30pm to the poitn where i could be head over heels for any sort of confident flirt or tease directly pointed wat me but you shouldnt worry about knowing that)

:readmore:

some days i wish i could.. disassociate from certain people by publicly saying it, like, "heyy this guy isnt my friend anymore bc we dont talk ever its not drama i just dont have any middle ground to even talk about of something we clearly do not have in common" and well its not like im dropping hints either, .

somedays i just... want to shed my entire online prescense to be vborn again but keep the relationships with friends intact, like changing names, which im not gonna do.

it doesnt helps that i had struggles with my online being, and the ideas of "starting over" or burning social bridges were ever present back then as they are todday, its not good, but i'd like to be able to really deattach from the notion that im friends with everyone, its hard to maintiain that status even if i didnt rightfully attributed it, i dont wanna start over, but i also dont want people to egg me about me cutting off someone who i only talked to exactly ONCE.. ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for as far as i remember i dont have a personality of my own, i have my own interest and tyoping quirks, but all ive heard about me being spoken about is mostly, the same, and somehow my "reputation" precedes me, there are random furries that know me, the kind that have like a billion followers, and we dont have anything in common, i know why and whats the source but i dont. i shouldnt, do the thing im thinking about, it wouldnt be nice for Anyone , but popufurs???? know about me??? not exactly scary but unnerving to some degree, these are the kind of people that get into those weekly "furry dramas" and ugh its a matter of time that im forced to pikc a side AGAIN, for like, the 5th time.

and i just think of the "what could've been" with people i used to talk about often, before we were forced to pick a side or end on the opposite's callout post, good thing ive never been featured in one, and idgaf if someone blocked me bc of me being a follower of random furry artist #128732187812973 but cmon , iim just tired, im tired of being noticed by people that i cant even look in the eyes, bc were simply so many levels apart!!! its not undair, but its. undeserved for them to speak my name, any of my names, any of my gamer tags, any semblance of Me.

someday, i want to create petty furry drama (bc its easily manufactured apparently) where i make something that resonates with a Lot of furries, and a popufur reblogs it and i just comment on it "oops popufur reblog" and delete the original post, w who was it that reblogged it??? idk, did i even knoe them? no and i dont wanna, they got like more than idk 2k followers, they can get to know one of them 2k followers, theres probably a guy with a monochromatic fcanine fursona with long haur in there, i can guarantee it, fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you dont know me!! i you cant control me!!!! ic cant even controll my seklf!!!! YEAOW

also if someone says to me irl "i like your shoelaces" im gonna say kill yourslef!! jk tho, you dont know me you don t know me you dont know me you dont wknow me you dont know me you dont know me your jkndont know me you do NOT know me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[artcosmique]

Randoms facts i learned about Gambit in X-men TAS :

He really really loves Rogue. Wouldnt mind dying from her power as long as he can kiss his chère.

And i could start a paragraph about an accurate representation of Remy because YES he loves Rogue, its very important in his character but it stay quite secondary in the plot. There is never a romance episode or else, its always on side notes and it make it so much better.

Cant do ski probably bad at skateboard and snowboard too. I will headcanon a shitty balance.

Can unintentionally activate his power if panicking enough

People cant see his black eyes ? Because when he is next to a regular human, even anti mutants ones, nobody say anything to him (unlike The Beast or Nightcrawler who are called devil. But dont say to me a human with fricking black eye wouldnt be called Devil-). Or maybe they think he is a punk who dyed his sclera.

He doesnt believe in God (at least the christian one) , and would argue and sass a Christian about that if he doesnt know him very well.

The denser the material is, the harder it is for him to charge it.

Can charge an object without making him explode in order to warm it, for example with coffee.

His power work on plants. Dont ask me why

The reason why he randomly disappear on some episodes is because he is partying somewhere on town. Often at bar. The others X-mens often say he will "appear again at morning after a night of sins".

Terrible sleep shedule.

Strong enough to endure torture without breaking. Stop saying he could be a traitor because he is probably one of the most loyal X-men.

Do the People of Tumblr want me to illustrate one or more of these facts ?

[dunmeshistash]

in regards to skin tone variation in DM, i do think a lot of it is colorism/racism too. theres a few characters of color, but not many (just like how theres some fatter characters, but none of them are main characters (even senshi & other dwarves arent really depicted as fat)).

ryoko kui has surface representation for these people, but it lacks much substance, and the brown characters she does draw arent given brown facial features, and are almost always colored with very ashy skin. a lot of them just look like a recolored white person (especially cithis, kaka, & kiki). her random portraits of characters who dont actually appear in the series otherwise tend to be much better about this, but the actual characters that show up and play a part all seem to suffer from this issue.

im not saying kui is like, super-duper racist and we all need to stop reading DM etc etc, but i think its important to recognize and point out everyday/usually-overlooked colorism & racism when we see it, and i know im not the first or only person to point this out about her character designs. if she can draw fat people and actual brown people as part of the portraits, why cant she or wont she do the same for any of the featured characters in the series?

(i know the orcs are fat, but its not a good thing the only consistently fat people are the ones who are a fantasy race based off of violent racial stereotypes, who are also pig people, while none of the main cast of "real" humans are fat except *maybe* the dwarves, who still have small waists and flat stomachs, and the lord of the island, who is depicted as corrupt & decadent)

Well yeah.

I'm just a lore blog so I don't like to get too into real life issues or make assumptions about how the author feels about these subjects. What I talked about on the skin tone post was assumptions as to why she thought it would be important to show skin tone variations on certain races as a character design choice. (In the sense that her character design is very purposeful)

I realize some people over praise Kui's designs when most of it is pretty safe for what it is, but even if it's just a step closer to better representation it's something that's rare to see in anime. So I understand why some people get so excited about it.

It is important to realize this isn't the ideal either (Dark skinned characters with the same features as the others, mostly well build characters on the thinner side) but I personally don't like to criticize these type of stories on what it "could/should have been".

As someone who is fat and not white, I'm happy we get some diversity in dungeon meshi. I hope this opens up the possibility of better character design in the future even if what we got now wasn't perfect.

It shouldn't be the case that this piece of art filled me with so much joy I teared up cause I had never seen someone with a similar body to mine drawn with so much respect and objectivity. But unfortunately that's the world we live in and I don't think it's wrong to be happy for what we get for now while acknowledging it's not perfect and that it should be better.

I'm also super happy the anime chose to make the dark characters even darker.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Rewatching “All 2 U” and under the contexts of how I personally perceived Stolas’s songs in “Look My Way” and “When I See Him” theres so much potential here for this to be actually interesting and its so far just being thrown away. In every song I have mentioned Stolas has moments where he stops and thinks “maybe I was the problem”.

Examples being:

"Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give; it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live"

"I will try to make amends for making you means to an end"

"Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?"

"But maybe it's all on me for missin' every sign and every glance and every turn."

"Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean for you to teach, and me to try to learn."

All of these imply so much that Stolas could be coming to the conclusion that he was one of the biggest issues in their relationship. Yes Blitz also hold fault, but thats a post for another day. I so truly believe Stolas could be so so interesting even if I personally think Helluva Boss should NOT be a romantic story, there’s still so much potential to it. I’ve mentioned before that I was in a very very similar relationship to whatever “Stolitz” is, and while I both hate my ex and how she treated me, it was not a one sided issue. Yeah she was abusive but also I can’t just say I wasn’t a bit rude at times. Getting off topic though, what I’m trying to say is even if one person is the main issue and you hate them, in certain circumstances you can still have part of your mind that wishes the best for them. I think my main point is that for people like my ex who have mental problems that get in the way of relationships and can result in abusive behaviours, I want the chance for them to see themselves in a character that has done the same things, recognized it, forgiven themselves, and made an attempt to be a better person.

I myself have been in many relationships where my mental problems got in the way and ended up separating me from people I care about in one way or another and I know how dogshit it feels when it happens, especially when you are the problem. Many people don’t like acknowledging that they may be the problem and then when they eventually do realise it, they struggle on trying to fix the issue.

This spans to the people you surround yourselves with as well. Just for example in “All 2 U” Stolas is not the first person to call Blitz a “motherfucker” he explicitly goes to “I don’t think you meant to hurt me” meanwhile Verosika and Tex push the implication that Blitz is the problem and during the rest if the song, as stated before, we see Stolas point out “maybe I was the problem” to which Verosika and Tex immediately but in with blaming Blitz instead. And honestly they have reason to (at least Verosika does and Tex is going by word of mouth I assume) but it plays into the idea that a bad person or abuser cant also be abused.

You can see every time Stolas considers something isn’t Blitz’s fault Verosika and Tex are so quick to step in and tell him he’s wrong. He’s just surrounded by yes people right now and i really believe thats something that could be used in the narrative. Stolas getting away from these people to take in reality and then finally be like “no it was me i was right about it”. And idk it could even lead into more Verosika development where she acknowledges that Blitz has now seen how shitty one-sided and abusive relationships can be and they talk more instead of just like 3 minutes on the stairs. This is a topic I touch on with my Vox rewrite but thats in a different way. I just think with so much buildup to Stolas realising he was a huge issue they could do so much helpful representation in certain ways for people with problems like BPD, bipolar, ROCD, and a bunch of other things. I suffer from the last two and I hardly EVER see these portrayed respectfully or how they actually affect people. It’s always just “im happy and then in 2 seconds im going to be mildly upset :(“ or “omgg I love cleaning!!” with OCD. It’s just so infuriating to see Vivzie not touch on so much potential again.

Also “stolitz” should not get back together even if Stolas became a better person, just to clarify.

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Paring: Dino x fem!reader

Requested: no

Genre: angst, fluff

Warning(s): cheating, angst, sadness, mentions of pregnancy (do inform me if there's more)

Summary: You were the light guiding Chan for the most of his life. now that you are not there anymore, he cant help but feel your absence as he reminisces his past and all those times you were there to ground him no matter what.

Word count: 6k

Other works

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration.

special thanks to @spamgyu for helping me out 😭

a/n: I would greatly appreciate it if all of you could take a moment to comment on this fic. As an author, I find great value in your feedback, as it allows me to better comprehend my readers, and I thoroughly enjoy interacting with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, so don't hesitate to talk about this fic or send me an ask.

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]

Chan's life was determined before he had a chance to consider it. His family wasn't well-off. They struggled from early on to get food on their plates. He knew from when he was a child that he had to support his siblings because his parents refused to do so.

So that’s exactly what he did. He got into SNU with a full scholarship, secured a good job, and built a stable life with six figures coming in annually to his bank account, providing enough money to support his siblings’ dreams.

But what did it all get him?

Nothing!

He sacrificed his teens and his twenties because his father felt the need to be a raging alcoholic, and now he stands in the middle of Gangnam in his beautiful flat with its polished floors. But he lacks the most important thing in life: happiness.

To be truthful, he lacks a lot of things, but happiness takes the cake. If someone asks him, he lacks friends too. But our dearest Boo Seungkwan would like to disagree about that. In Chan’s defense, friends are absolutely not equal to friend (just a difference of ‘s’, as our dear ‘Kwanie’ said. Plus, his multiple personalities make up for the said lack of ’s’, which further raises the question as to why the man does not go for a checkup, as it seems he has self-diagnosed DID. We shall never know).

Chan is happy about his brothers doing what they like, though. It’s not that hard to not be happy when he literally raised them. Sacrifices need to be made, he has realized; some just make more than others, and there is nothing one can do about that. He accepts that he is indeed grateful for the friend he has made, the one who has stayed with him and accepted him as he is.

Now, it may sound sappy, and Chan swears he will never tell this to Seungkwan, but he has indeed helped him through the thick and thin of life. All those late-night drinking sessions and ugly crying have brought him to this stage in life where he thinks of the boy as more of a family than anyone else. He helped him when Chan’s life was falling apart, and he also was there to scold him back to the right track when no one believed in him, not even himself.

Although he lacks happiness, he is fine with that (he at least has Boo Seungkwan). He can live with being sad; he already has!

This is where you came in, the reason for Chan’s genuine smiles, from back in college to five years ago. It was a pretty serious relationship that you both had. Chan loved you. He had plans of making you his wife. For God’s sake, he was in a relationship with you for almost ten years! But somewhere along the way, he messed up. He became the exact thing he had hated all his life.

He became a person like his father.

You, being the nice kind, tried your best to stop him from spiraling down the rabbit hole of bad habits. But alas, it takes two to tango, and if he didn’t want to be better, no one, not even God himself, could do it for him.

It took losing you to realize how messed up his life had become.

--

“Chan, I’m heading out. Dinner’s in the fridge—please actually eat it this time. We don’t need two meal skippers in this household,” you quipped, watching as Chan chuckled and gave you a quick giggle inducing peck before returned his attention to the document he’d been typing for the past hour.

“Sure thing, Your Majesty. Your command shall be dutifully followed!” he exclaimed with a mock salute, drawing out another laugh from you. With a playful ruffle of his hair and another peck on his cheek, you left the apartment to begin your night shift at the hospital.

Chan, unlike you, has just started his new job after completing his MBA. It’s been tough, but he’s persevered, and soon enough, you both will be able to enjoy the luxuries he could only dream of growing up.

Your fifth anniversary is approaching faster than ever, and now Chan finally has the means to fulfill your dream of a trip to Europe. The pressure of this new job is more than the last one, but getting those tickets would be a walk in the park now.

Quickly finishing his document and mailing it to the head of the department, he immediately goes to check those flight ticket prices and hotel prices. He releases a happy sigh the minute he realizes that it’s exactly what he had expected the prices to be. So, without wasting a single moment, he buys those tickets. He knew this gift would make you happier than ever.

The next month, you had been notified about the expensive purchase only because you had to get a leave from your job, and you obviously can’t disappear for two weeks unannounced. He, in reality, had no plans to inform you about anything, but he couldn’t interfere with your job either.

But at the end it was worth it, the look on your face the minute you were informed about the trip. Oh, if only Chan could frame it and keep it away from the world, only if he could keep you near him and never let you go. But he didn’t think of that then. No, he was happy he had told you earlier.

The happiness radiating off you as you kept going on and on about the clothes you needed to buy, all the foods you were going to try once there. It was what helped him keep going throughout the day, even though the work became tiring with every passing minute.

If only he could have stopped time and lived in that moment forever.

—

One thing he never realized is how demanding his job would be once he got into a higher position. The calls kept him up at night; they came at the most ungodly of times, and Chan was expected to pick them up, because he always did.

You never complained; it was fine by you. If anyone understood him, it was you. Both of you had highly demanding jobs, and nothing could beat the expectations your colleagues had on you both.

But what he had not counted on was those calls interrupting your trip. During the entirety of your anniversary, he was glued to that phone of his, never once able to leave it. It was one problem at the office or the other.

Again, you kept your mouth shut, enjoying your own company as your boyfriend busied himself with work in the hotel room.

That was the last trip you both had gone on. You figured that it was too much to ask from someone who had so much work to do. But still, you understood his hunger to do better in life. You understood that someone had to compromise in the relationship and wholeheartedly accepted that it had to be you.

Coming to think of it, it was not supposed to be like this. Never! Both of you were supposed to communicate and figure out what your relationship was supposed to mean. But somewhere along the line, it just became regular sex and nothing else. When you talked about this with your friends, all of them had the same reaction.

‘Leave him!’ they had told you, ‘he wouldn’t change, he prefers his job more than you.’

It was a regular thing now. But you were scared. All the years you had invested in the relationship, you never wanted it to become what it had. You had held out hope that one day Chan would notice you. He would realize he had a girlfriend who also needs his attention as much as his job.

It didn’t take too long for those dreams to come true, though.

—

One night, you sat down with the man, asking him about the changes in his life. You begged him to look your way beyond the times he made love to you. It was an intense conversation, filled with words that neither of you actually meant, but hurt you both equally.

That night brought you both another few years, or that’s what you think. It became better, both your lives and the relationship. You both would talk more, spend time with each other, laugh with each other, and go about your days with lovesick smiles on your faces. Although none of your jobs became less hectic, it still was as painstaking as ever, but the scenery in your shared home was peaceful. It was both of your comfort zones.

What neither of you realized, this peace that you both had brought back into your lives, was fickle. In order to keep it like that, both of you had to put in some effort.

—

It slowly became visible to both of you how much more effort this relation of yours needed. Both of you saw the way your paradise was crumbling down bit by bit. Nights became lonely for you. Chan, being the perfectionist he is, would be stuck up in his office until the rays of sun hit the glass windows, reminding him of the fact that he indeed had stayed the night in his office. The hectic job took everything away from him. It stripped him of his identity, and slowly it was also stripping his happiness and sanity away. It was like the darker times had hit both of you again.

It was then that he suddenly passed out on the streets due to extreme fatigue and was brought immediately into the nearest hospital, which was the one you worked at. Lo and behold, you were the nurse on emergency room duty that day. This was the first time you saw the love of your life in that state; you saw what this new job had done to him. How it had taken this happy and healthy person you knew and turned him into this sick, unhappy, and overworked person. Your helplessness mocked you in your face. At night, you stayed by his side after the doctors had given their verdict about him being too overworked. You took care of him like never before, making sure to make him take an ample amount of rest.

Sadly, the industry is ruthless. As soon as the employers became aware that their once highly valuable employee’s usefulness had diminished, they ultimately opted to terminate him. Although Chan claims there were some more internal politics involved in this sacking, there was no way he could have evaded it.

Both of you soon realized it was the best thing that could have happened to him. While being the worst experience he could ever go through in his corporate career.

You stayed by his side through every hurdle though. You never once let him feel the need to be more than what he already was. But life was giving both of you a hard time.

It took Chan another month to get a new job. But only this time, it was a better, more important position in a better company. This is when life took off for both of you again. With Chan back on track, equipped with the newfound knowledge of not working more than necessary, he was on a roll. Almost unstoppable.

This change also affected your relationship, but positively this time. Chan and you would go on constant dates and enjoy each other’s company way more than ever.

—

It was nearing your seventh anniversary. Both of you had talked about getting married and starting a family enough times for him to know this was the perfect time for him to propose.

So, on the day of your seventh anniversary, he had planned to take you to this fancy Italian place. He claimed that you deserved only the best. No one could ever argue with him about that. You, along with Seungkwan, had been by his side for so long that he had forgotten the time when he didn’t have you both. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would change that fact. With that it brought him to the most important question of that year.

“But what ring do I buy her?” the stressed boy asked his best friend.

“Wow, I wasn’t informed about the fact that y/n suddenly had become my girlfriend!” Seungkwan exclaimed sassily.

“Dude, you can calm down. She is still my girl, ain’t no way you are getting her. Find a girl of your own,” the shorter boy retorted back.

Why am I being asked about her preference for a ring then, huh?”

“Because she said, and I quote, ‘if you buy me an expensive engagement ring that I can’t even wear out because it looks too expensive, I will castrate you’,” Chan said seriously, bringing out a seal-like laugh from the back of Seungkwan’s throat.

“Do something meaningful for her then, you dumb fuck,” making Chan almost cringe at the scolding. Without letting the boy talk, his best friend continued, “Put in some effort and do something that shows you care, without having to spend a copious amount of money. I have no idea what you should do, but bro, if it were up to me, a girl would for sure get a ring no matter what!”

Now, this made him think. It made him think hard. But even after all that thinking, he couldn’t come up with a good idea for an alternative for an engagement ring.

It was not until the next Saturday when he was sitting on the couch waiting for you to choose a movie for the weekly movie night, did he stumble upon the perfect idea for a ring? Like any usual person, the man was scrolling through TikTok when he found out that one could make rings out of clay.

Perfect!

If you didn’t want a diamond ring, you shall get a clay ring. For you might catch the sun lacking one day, but not Chan, never Chan!

—

This kick-started the learner phase of Chan’s life once again. He would visit the pottery classes every week because he needed to excel at the art to mold the perfect ring. One suitable for daily wear and also because this hobby brought him more peace than ever.

He made some friends here; they were fun to hang out with. You had met all these new people flooding into his life. He would parade about the with his hand on you showing you off proudly.

“Who wouldn’t?” he would ask whenever someone pointed it out. This question had the power to make him start ranting about you at any given point. So much so that after a point, people stopped asking him about you, no matter the context.

Because, oh boy, was he in love.

--

It took him one year and some friendships to finally complete learning everything there was to learn about pottery. In the course of that time, he had littered your shared house with his creations.

Oh, you wanted to buy a new bowl because you saw it on Instagram? No fear, Chan shall make it this instant. Oops, your favorite coffee mug broke? Chan has come to your rescue with a better, scientifically cute, usable, and overall better mug for you.

The creative spark of the boy never dimmed down, nor did his extroverted nature. Every other day, he would be out with his new friends, so much so that even Boo Seungkwan noticed. You both had chats with each other about the changes in Chan’s life over a cup of tea whenever Seungkwan would come over.

To say that you both were happy about him enjoying life would be an understatement. You had seen the pain the man had gone through in his life. It only made sense for him to have the best of the best experiences when he had the opportunities.

But again, as people say, one should do everything in moderation. It seems that Chan could do nothing in moderation. He would work himself half to death. In this case too, he started drinking and partying himself half to death. The outings that were done to unwind after a long hard day became parties that were making the day even longer.

The friends that helped him overcome the pressuring environment of his office became the ones who would pressure him to go way out of his comfort zone, all for the wrong reasons. People say twenties are times when people experiment with their life and gain new experiences.

The same was applicable for Chan too, the only difference being he was learning different ways of spiraling down holes that are hard to climb up from. The hilarious part being, these were the holes that he had carefully dug out himself.

It’s not like you never stopped him, because you did. The minute you realized these new friends were pushing Chan’s limits in the wrong way, you didn’t waste a second to tell him.

“I think you should calm down with this partying and stuff. It’s unbelievably bad for your health,” you had told him one night when he had come home drunk out of his wits.

“I know how to have fun, not my fault you don’t!”

The boy had shouted at you before collapsing on the couch. Realizing it was a waste of time to even try and talk to him in this state, you tried again the next day when he was far more sober.

“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” you ask Chan, to which he shakes his still-hungover head and winces. Sighing, you continue, “Chan, you can’t let them get to you like this. Moderation is the key here. Please don’t overdo anything, I beg you!” You hugged him, trying to coax him to understand where you were coming from. He obviously hugged you back and promised you to keep your advice in mind the next time they asked him out.

He didn’t. He swears he tried to. But the peer pressure got to him. Before he could even back off, they had already hauled his ass to the bar. He never wanted to disappoint you. So he chose to accept the most coherent plan his drunk mind could formulate: the plan to lie to you.

—

Your seventh anniversary had come and gone a year ago. The only gifts he could provide you that day were a fancy dinner and a solid promise that he would indeed get you the greatest ring you will have ever seen in your whole life. Now the time had come. The time to prove his skills. Those skills he spent an entire year honing.

During this cute date at home, he produced a small wooden box from his pocket. After you had enjoyed the homemade meal he had whipped up for you and you both were cuddling on the balcony, he proposed to you with stars in his eyes and hope in his heart.

He shocked you with the ring. Like your relationship, it was delicate, yet made with lots of love and care. You obviously said yes without hesitation. After all, you loved this man, and he loved you too. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could ever go wrong if he was with you.

--

It seems that no matter how hard you try, life always seems to have other plans for you.

The month right after you accepted his proposal, you received an invitation for a two-year-long workshop in Germany. Such opportunities don’t come every day, so you were elated.

Without wasting any time, you called Chan, informing him about the opportunity you had received. But like every coin, this great opportunity had its drawbacks too.

With the prospect of studying and learning under some of the greatest doctors and nurses came the hardship of leaving your fiancé behind. Chan didn’t like this one bit. He could barely stand to be away from you for a second, let alone two years.

But seeing the excitement on your face and hearing the joy in your voice, he couldn’t bring himself to ask you to stay back. He knew you had sacrificed a lot for him, compromised at times when you could have been happy if he hadn’t made decisions that ruined his life.

--

So he put on a happy smile and told you that if you didn’t take this opportunity, he would pack your bags himself and kick you out of the house. This assurance gave you the confidence you needed. Without wasting any time, you sent an email accepting the proposition to join the workshop.

The next five months passed in a whim. During this time, he had asked you to marry him before you went away, but with a peaceful and determined smile, you had told him, “I will marry you once I come back, like that, we won’t have to spend too much time as newlyweds. Plus, I will be smarter than you too.”

“You are always smarter than me. I can never surpass you,” was the answer you had received, along with a sweet kiss, making your heart swell like a balloon.

Life was starting to feel better again.

Chan had finally made his boundaries very clear. The boy felt extremely guilty for lying to you, though he never confessed to you about doing so. He made sure his actions proved his redemption. He ensured to let these new friends of his know that going out too much with them was affecting him in ways that he didn’t appreciate. Although they did sometimes win against him and force him to go out, it was not as bad as it was before.

—

Soon the day came when you had to fly away to Germany. To say that Chan was sad would be an understatement. He was devastated when he saw you off at the airport with Seungkwan. He had cried the whole way home, making Seungkwan scold him as if he were a baby.

“Now if you keep behaving like this, do you think she would be happy?” the older boy questioned him.

“No, but I miss her already,” Chan replied in a whisper while wiping his tears harshly.

“Be nice, be happy for her. You can talk to her all the time. It’s not the Stone Age,” Seungkwan said with an exasperated sigh, making the younger one stop his sad boy antics at once.

But it was not like Chan was okay. He started working overtime at the office, desperately waiting for you to call him when you got free. And call you did, religiously at six o’clock in the evening.

You both made the decision to talk at that time, regardless of any circumstances. This went on for six months. He tried his best to follow the routine of overworking himself before you would call and save him from killing himself with work.

But with all these works, his willpower also started to crumble down. The old ways came back to him. Before he realized it, he became a party animal. He made new friends at these clubs and bars he started frequenting. He thought you wouldn’t pick up. But you did. You saw how your boyfriend was slowly changing. It was not that obvious at first, but slowly you realized he was getting drowned with work.

Being the lovely girlfriend you were, you asked Seungkwan to take care of him. The boy tried his best to do so. But alas, he was not that successful.

It seemed to both of you that Chan had spiraled back into his overworking session. What you both were unaware of was that it was more than that.

Chan was not just overworking; he was over-drinking and over partying too.

—

One faithful night; he met Eva, his pottery class instructor. She was pretty. They talked the whole night, catching up like old buddies and having fun.

She brought a change to his life again. She started being there for him during times when he would lose himself. She was a great friend, so great that in no time you had the chance to meet her.

You had come back for a week’s vacation. Seungkwan thought it was important for all the friends to meet up because it had been a long time since he had seen you. This meeting was supposed to consist of only you, Chan, and Seungkwan. But Chan asked to bring in another friend he would like you to meet. It was Eva.

You liked her; she was nice. You wanted to be friends with her. Her sweet personality was something no one could resist, a great example of a sweetheart through and through.

For once, you were actually proud of your boyfriend’s choices in life. Your visit was over even before it had started. Suddenly, the week was over, and you were packing your bags to return to Germany.

This time, Chan was not as scared of things going downhill anymore. He knew that within a few more months, you would come back, and he could happily start the wedding preparations. He also knew he had a solid group of friends to have his back. Most importantly, he had learned the art of living without you. Not that it was happy, but now he could enjoy spending time by himself.

—

Time flew faster than ever. In no time, it was Chan’s birthday. Your program would finish that same month, so sadly you couldn’t visit him. All you could do was video call him that morning and congratulate him for hitting thirty before you, to which he grumpily replied, “Your birthday is in six months; I’m gonna make it hell for you.”

“Whatever, old man, get dressed. Don’t you have a job to go to?” You laughed at his grumpy face while teasing him even more.

“I miss you,” Chan suddenly called out, pouting.

“You will meet me next month, Channie. Don’t be this sad now.” Although that did make him happy, the thought of spending yet another birthday without you was saddening. But it’s not like it was going to last. You would be back in no time.

That thought put a smile on his face. Soon enough, he was skipping around the house cooking breakfast and answering numerous calls from his friends and family for being a thirty-year-old now.

Seungkwan and Eva had also planned a not-so-surprise party for him. It consisted of meeting in front of his office and dragging his ass to the bar to drink and have fun. Although the day was spent slaving away in front of the computer, that night he had a lot of fun. He talked to Seungkwan and Eva for hours, and the three of them were pretty intoxicated when they left.

The only thing he remembered from that night was the fact that Eva, being the one out of the three with the most alcohol tolerance, was the one who had made sure that all of them returned home safely.

There was just one slight problem. Eva started to avoid him. Now, in any other situation, he would not have noticed it, but the text the next morning asking him if he remembered anything from the night before had him confused. When he asked her what it was all about, she refused to answer him, opting to ignore him instead.

He had no recollection of the night before, and Seungkwan didn’t either, so it was a mystery to both of them. But then again, his gut told him the problem was bigger than what he thought it was and might come to haunt him if not solved now.

So he did the most sane thing he could think of: He asked her to talk to him about it. He knew the wedding preparations would start the minute you came back, so he wanted to make sure to fix any problem that might affect you both before it blasted out of proportion.

—

“You kissed me,” was the first thing Eva told him after sitting down, making Chan’s heart drop to his stomach.

“Huh, but I don’t remember anything,” Chan retorted.

“It’s not about you remembering or not, it really happened, Chan, and I hate it,” she said, her voice almost breaking.

“Hey, calm down. We were both intoxicated, and we didn’t do it on purpose. Any other time and we wouldn’t have done it,” this seemed to have little to no effect on improving the girl’s mood.

On the other hand, Chan’s blood pressure was rising. The last thing he needed was a big mistake from which he could never turn back. With you coming back from Germany in less than a week, he needed everything in his life to be sorted out, especially something that could jeopardize a relationship with so much love in it.

“Chan, I think I like you. I’m not sure when it happened, or how it did. But I like you. So please don’t tell me I wouldn’t have done it if we weren’t intoxicated.”

The impact of this statement was so immense that it completely shattered his world, leaving him in disarray. It was true that he liked Eva. What kind of feelings he actually held for her was a mystery to him.

So, in the spur of the moment, he kissed her.

Just a few minutes ago, it was bothering him, but once he took the step, he didn’t feel what he was supposed to. He didn’t feel the disgust and hatred towards himself he should have. It felt like sneaking out of his house when he was not supposed to. It made a rush of excitement run through his body. He could feel the adrenaline rush through him.

He felt alive. maybe it was the feeling of doing something forbidden or it was something else, he didn’t know.

But, that night, they did more than kissing.

—

Once you were back, it was all sunshine and rainbows in the first few weeks. You both were happy, spending all your time together and having fun relishing in each other’s presence.

But it didn’t take you long to notice the changes. He would be stuck late at the office but come back home surprisingly lively, or those random texts from his brother late at night asking him to come over, or even the most obvious of them all, the vibrant smell of floral perfume that you never wear.

But you held out. You had promised to give him a chance to explain himself if he came clean to you. But that day never came. You asked him about these odd behaviors, but somehow he would always evade the topic altogether.

All those questions of ‘where were you last night’, ‘when will you come home’, or ‘shall we go on a date sometime soon’, all went unanswered.

He outright ignored your presence at home. But this didn’t stop the wedding preparations. Because his siblings and your parents alike loved him, they had taken the responsibility to take care of the wedding plans.

Before he could continue with his little escapades, Seungkwan caught and confronted him. Not by you but by Seungkwan. The older boy’s disappointment was beyond words. He screamed at him for an hour straight and then he had sat Chan down and calmly said,

“Either you tell her or I will.”

“But I can’t; she will leave me if I ever tell her.”

“Then she will be right in doing so.”

“Chan, I love you to death, but either you stop this and tell your girlfriend the whole truth, or I will take matters into my own hands. She has put up with enough of your shit. Don’t hurt her more,” he had said.

“Give me some time; I will do it as soon as possible,” the younger one had strained out, fisting his hair.

“She better know about it all before the wedding,” Seungkwan had warned him before seeing himself out.

—

Chan had cut off Eva after that. He tried to change everything before actually marrying you. Then, being the kind person you are, you tried to understand your boyfriend. You really did. But this was the first time in ten years you considered leaving him.

This relationship didn’t make you happy anymore. But you had gone through so many troubles together. The effort to hold each other upright was taking a toll on you.

But you were a fighter. You had fought many battles with him by your side. You couldn’t give up on those years either. Your internal dilemma was killing you. But all of this came to a halt one day when you had come back from your night shift, only to find your boyfriend and the girl he oh so diligently claimed to be his good friend, talking in the living room.

It was not like they were trying to be quiet because you could hear every single word spoken by them.

“Chan, it’s yours.”

“Eva, I have a fiancé. I will never leave her. I already told you, I love her.”

“Oh, so you didn’t think about that before fucking me”

“It was a mistake��, Chan shouted.

“No, it wasn’t, we both were very sober”, came another shout

The conversation hit you like a truck, and with each sentence, you felt your heart shattering. The decision suddenly seemed a bit too easy to make.

You walked out of the chaos, leaving the ring behind on the shoe rack. That night, you stayed at your friend’s place.

Following that event, you called Seungkwan, informing him that you won’t talk to Chan anymore. He simply asked if you wanted any help moving out, to which you answered with a simple no.

That was the end of the relationship for you. You refused to talk or see Chan ever again.

—

Now, five years later, Chan is to be married again. Not with you; no, he missed his chance. It's with Eva. They figured the best way to raise Minhan was to be together. In a county like theirs, it wasn’t the best idea to raise a kid with two unmarried parents.

Chan loved Minhan to death. But he could never show the same love for Eva. Looking at her reminded him of the mistakes he made in life. It reminded him of the happiness he could have attained, but he lost due to his own faults.

He is happy Seungkwan is still beside him. He knows he doesn’t deserve a friend like him, so the fact that Seungkwan stayed beside him makes him feel grateful.

He knew that his wife and child would move in with him soon, but he didn’t have the courage to let them into the house yet. The house that held both your memories was a bit too precious to let go of so easily.

The next day came faster than he anticipated. As Chan stood there waiting for his bride, he saw a face that he had been longing to see for the last five years.

He saw your face, sitting there on the benches, a sad smile adorning your face. Your eyes filled with emotions and stories of the years you had spent together.

Oh, how badly Chan wanted to abandon everything and run to you. Apologize a hundred times and ask you to take him back. But he couldn’t; he had children to take care of and shoes to fill.

As he stood there saying his vows, hoping it’s you he saw walking down the aisle and it’s you he kissed, but they are called dreams for a reason. And not all dreams come true.

As he kissed his bride, he saw a glimpse of your teary eyes amongst the crowd, and a tear of his own fell. Wishing for a future he was never destined to have.

the end

[thatdeadaquarius]

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

..

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[cha0ticlesbian]

I’m actually crying right now and I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense I’m emotional, but the marvels comes out in a week and I am so overwhelmed by emotions but at the moment I’m upset. Upset because of all the toxic backlash it’s been getting and now DAYS before it comes out I’m seeing HUGE reporters and resources say that it’s destained to fail and that’s so upsetting

This movie truly means the world to me, these characters and the stories they tell are SO important to see especially from such a huge franchise Carol Danvers is a strong female lead that means so much to me and so many other girls and Kamala! Not only does she make fans feel seen by such a big company but she’s a Muslim girl! I’ve never seen a Muslim superhero until I saw her and I think that’s it’s so important to have that representation! And Monica too! She’s so strong and such a powerful lead and honestly she stole the show for me in wandavision!

These are such a diverse group of people and I think that STILL there isn’t enough representation in marvel but this movie really pushes those limits and shows people that it can happen.

And maybe I’m just gullible and stupid but seeing all these negative things EVERYWHERE is starting to make me think they’re true… seeing rumors that Brie Larson is gonna quit (I know it’s selfish of me but I really hope she doesn’t but I get it if she cant deal with the constant harassment) is devastating to me, she’s such an amazing person and has brought so much light into my life and so many others.

Thinking of all this and really seeing all this has made me think a lot about how difficult and isolating it is to be someone who ISNT a straight white man! And that’s exactly what these characters and these movies are trying to prove that we can overcome that yet!

I just wish I could tell Brie and Iman and Teyonah just how much I love and appreciate them and to never stop, I wish that every The Marvels fan could hear that but that’s just not how it is.

I still have so much hope for this movie and these people am even if everyone hates it, it won’t stop me from loving it with all my heart <3

[gggansey]

good pookie i don’t want to share my tl with racist, xenophobic, misogynistic and sexist who supports a character with same behavior played by an actor who also is pro-life, pro-trump, zionist and fatphobic who took pics of women at the gym to make fun on them when he was a 30 YEARS OLD FULL ADULT WITH HIS FRONTAL LOB FULLY DEVELOPED

im so full of you and your excused that since he is a queer character he can be forgiven when he didn’t even apologized to hen and chim and you can’t even say that he did it because off screen scene are just fanon HEN DIDNT EVEN KNEW THAT TOENAIL WORKED FOR THE HELICOPTER DEPARTMENT SHE ASKED FOR LUCY and when she saw him she wasn’t happy

i don’t think that this are two people who are friends and talk to each other lmao the last time she saw him was at his party when he was leaving the 118 so fucking 5 years ago but some of you want to hc tortilla babysitting Henren child???? LMAO touching grass isn’t enough you need to touch a fucking forest

also the only scene they had together was cut from the episode because his interaction with Hen and Karen aren’t important, Tim could’ve shown us him apologizing or them interacting but they don’t give a fuck about all that because trolldemort is just a plot device

stop using the queer card to defend him im a queer woman but if tomorrow in acting like a shit human beings people have the right to drag me because being a gay man doesn’t mean that you are excused and can do anything

we are allowed in not liking tombstone because he is a shitty person and personally i don’t like this queer representation im allowed to feel lime this i don’t have to like everything just because it’s queer IT ISNT 2000 ANYMORE WHEN THERE WAS LITTLE REPRESENTATION AND EVEN SHITTY ITS 2024 I CAN FIND GOOD REPRESENTATION EVERYWHERE AND SAYING THAT THIS IS BAD AND YOU CANT CALL ME HOMOPHOBIC BECAUSE I DONT LIKE A RACIST

also liking him and justify him makes you a racist, xenophobic, misogynistic and sexist

making meme about eddie queerness being buried makes you an homophobe, saying that ratings will drop when eddie will coming out it’s homophobic

[daystarvoyage]

Glad Certain fans are calling out the toxicity in fandoms, hey everyone back in action for a long wait.

Hello, Everyone, It's Kyoko Cane Of Daystar Voyage Giving You A Quick Update of what's been going on,

I have been off Tumblr for a while due to situations in fandoms, & Life, if you don't know yes I am a blogger and content creator who does cosplay & creates art, I also focus a channel on animation, Family entertainment & Fandom Topics With Some variety.

But I am back now gonna try to make this a short message cut into three parts cause I have to start packing for Momocon, now that's the introduction out the way let's get on to these parts on the sections from future videos, calling out show flaws and my love for all animation & why you should give it praise,

NOW LET'S GET IT ON

1. Very Proud of People calling out Fandom Discourse on Shipping & toxic problematic stuff, way to go

when animation got through the good times of the golden age of animation 80s & '90s through my times experiencing it myself, i do love people have a natural conversation about their favorite shows and fiction & nonfiction works, it felt really organic to see others commend me for talking about things out without hiding behind a electronics, seeing growth in positive ways,

I for one watch any new shows that are lighthearted in its comedy story & world-building with good writing that excels and few who have a lot to learn from them. (Example Disneys Kiff Big City Greens Amphibia & Haileys On It) Along With light-hearted anime shojo & Josei to be exact, have really put me into a comforting mode and have made me look at a perspective of what characters have to offer.

however, that's not without its negatives.

The 2000s & 2020s later with the uprising of the cost of living, and jobs declining it really did take a toll on people's mindset without a safe space to have open-minded discussions due to toxic fandoms on the internet propelling popular media. (escapism etc)

though our love of media contorts and distorts in many ways that's not without negatives

i have suffered a lot from a recent fandom the Owl House recently,

Oh forgot to mention one part the fanfics are coming out great for the Owl House movie fanfic and short story I have to make for the Witterbane Origins so they are cooking in the oven as we speak Release coming soon

now you are wondering why I brought this series to light.

well we know things have become problematic with its fandom from shipping, writing & character exposures, I for one have been scammed in this fandom cause i wanted a specific ship (lunter) keychain & i was placated & gaslighted into thinking i got a finished product, unfortunately, it wasn't preserved properly & Toxic nonfactors who hide behind a character who wish they'll give them time of day. SEE AT THE BOTTOM BELOW

AND HAVING TO DELETE VIDEOS OF SHIPS BESIDES HUNTLOW OR LUMITY CAUSE OF BULLYING ITS DISGRACEFUL AND NASTY BEHAVIOR, DOWN Below

Yes there’s proof and FACTs THE FANDOM CANT TAKE A LOGICAL REASON AND CALL OUT THE WRITING AT TIMES., so I’ll be discussing that soon in a future video, cause nothing stopping me

Up above pics 👆 this is a prime example of how fandom has become toxicity from characters being defined by their sexuality, TV tropes not properly executed in good ways, and today's culture following suit of creators compromising the show to the audience's liking (do to fandoms)

be it Racism, Poc Representation compromised & white favoritism & supremacy. There are times the show shows bad writing & and of course shipping discourse just to make up these flaws however it doesn't save them, cause this shows fandom needs a wake-up call so ill be roasting & giving reasonable and logical critiques 247.

That is all for number 1 and I'm proud of the fandoms talking about the owl house flaws in the show

, we as fans of past present of future animated lovers should have been giving this content and I'm not bashing the owl house but waking up people to how yall act as a whole, from yall bullying other creators from new upcoming Disney shows too which is not ok, so much to say but ima save for future videos

2. Future Videos will not stop me from talking & ranting on issues be it unscripted or scripted to get my feelings out.

ill will be getting back on camera for soon with the many topics on my polls from past posts here and will be discussing my favorite genres Shojo & Josei on how the Western audience perceives it as compared to back in the day

It's been such a great way to use Tumblr to open my mind to others who agree knowing I don't have a big following.

( cause you know people all act the same on social media who lack creativity or originality)

Ill be using my channel to create content to understand my world as a genderqueer person and to know that everyone needs to bring out a confident you and speak your mind on terms & causes that matter cause where all on this earth and where all the same if we open our minds.

3. Your all Welcome to message me afternoons only (don't go too far on boundaries) Yes fanfics are in the oven, & will be doing photos at momocon cosplays YES ILL BE MAKING ENTERTAINING SHORTS and have a blessed starry day.

Last segment right now im doing better however will be going to the doctor when I can, Also Advise people to have a life outside of fandom.

I use art as a way to create and diffuse from bullying on social media cause I am single and looking for love does play a part cause as a black person, where seen as scum Not desirable, and just nothing and unpretty.

but I for one say otherwise, cause I'm defined by my heart of gold and jolly disposition, airing out my stress with art and content.

So make sure to check out my Latest videos on channel daystar voyage.

so I leave to yall for a while I may post often about other content when I have time and an update on the amity video coming up but shorts will be out in the meantime thank you so much.

[p4nishers]

i cant stop thinking about the pie scene. its such a perfect representation of their relationship, even if their roles are a little reversed. the worry and the care they have for each other is so telling in this scene because up until this point loki was solely focused on finding sylvie and nothing could really break them out of their focus but the moment the SECOND there's something wrong with mobius they forget about everything to be there for him. like they could've continue the interrogation on their own and s1 loki must likely would have done so, but instead they went after mobius, CHASED after him basically, gently tried to persuade him to talk and were genuinely so focus on mobius they didn't even question where they were going (because mobius was leading them and they trust mobius to lead them wherever he wants to). and what really gets me is the way they say "mobius, you were clearly ahead of me" because it could be written down to their usual bickering and the back and forth that they always have but instead, loki sounds concerned. they sound so concerned that mobius, who is usually calm and collected and levelheaded, didn't even know WHERE they were going. you can see how concerned they are in every movement of their body, they don't try to hide it or play it off as a joke, instead they try to make it better for mobius. can you remember a time loki did that for someone, even in future movies? because i can't. and here is the crux of it all, they know mobius so well that they automatically know food/pie will make it better for him so they offer to eat pie with him. the whole scene they speak in such a soft voice and are visibly so careful with what they're saying because they dont want to screw this up, they dont want to make this harder for mobius. they wait him out and when he finally admits that it wasn't tactical, he just lost it, they have this little smile like they're PROUD of mobius for admitting and being so open and then they go on to further reassure mobius and say "it's okay" which they basically learned from mobius since before him nobody really took the time to reassure them like that. but mobius always did, because of course he did. and then they bring them into a lighter territory with them mentioning new york in a flippant way because they no doubt just want to see mobius smile again. and sure they might disapprove of mobius' choice to not visit his timeline but they don't argue with him because ultimately they recognize that it's MOBIUS' choice. and then AND THEN when loki gets worried about how to get brad to talk, mobius is THERE to be the one to reassure them and make them SMILE. like it's just crazy to me that he was the one upset just a few minutes ago but the moment he sees loki SLIGHTLY unsure of themselves he steps in and KNOWS how to make loki smile. i need to lie down.

[barbatosgossipsection]

i dont dislike the "levi has autism" headcanon at all. i totally see where that hc comes from and i think its a neat one with a lot of potential for interesting stories and character interpretations. BUT! i wish that people wouldnt just directly state "levi is autistic" as if its a canon fact, when its not. its a headcanon. treating it as if its literally a canon part of the game is just spreading misinformation. i see a lot of people posting things like "levi is literally autistic, thats why he [insert behavior here]" and it annoys me. youre misrepresenting the game by claiming that it has canon austism representation when it doesnt. it also doesnt help when these people lose their damn minds and go ballistic on anybody who even hints that they dont share their headcanon. "you cant think/do this about levi because hes autistic!!!" no, shut up. thats not how this works. any autistic interpretation of a character is a headcanon at BEST and no one has the right to harrass others over headcanons. just call it what it is! a headcanon! theres nothing wrong with hcs, theyre literally fine! but please stop trying to say its canon when it isnt.

(side note, a lot of people who call levi "literally autistic" for reasons like "oh he has anxiety" and "he likes anime" are just showing off how shallow and misinformed their views of autism really are)

— Anon

[blow-me-a-kis]

Piracy in ofmd is actually already a culture departed from cis het neurotypical society and Izzy is actually a representation of that. I think if ppl would stop treating Stede like he's injecting neurodiversity and queerness into piracy, and instead as the beneficiary of that society, they could see it, too.

I just feel like ppl who don't perceive Izzy as autistic don't really have close friendships with a lot of autistic or neurodiverse ppl IRL. That or they are still doing a lot of masking in relationships and expecting others to masks. But some of us can't.

Most ppl who interact with me IRL probably think I'm mean or rude or even stupid. I'm partially non verbal, I can't smile at strangers/on command, I can't laugh at jokes I don't find funny, I get snippy and irritable if I'm overstimulated. If you ask me how I'm doing, know that me asking you back is like pushing a boulder up a hill for me.

When I do speak it may come out slowly or come off as crytic/weird/inappropriate, and also I may say it too loud or too quiet or too late or with an inappropriate inflection or with a facial expression that doesn't match. My most embarrassing trait is that I get shouty when I'm having a meltdown and I cant help it.

On top of all that I'm Black, so ppl read me as aggressive/negative no matter how I present

I also have autistic and neurodiverse friends who are very similar to me. I have friends who are downright grating in personality, real Izzy's, who I take comfort in because I know its okay if they find me grating. They don't care if I take a long time to respond or don't respond at all when asked a question, they don't mind if I get snippy or they'll tell me directly if I hurt their feelings instead of holding it against me.

I am actually at a point in my life where I am reevaluating friendships where masking has been a requirement, where I feel the need to perform to be liked. I just want to be allowed to be boring or in a bad mood or tired or slow and inflexible, or a Bitch, because I am, and being Pleasant is just not accessible to me. I'll be 33 this year, and I'm exhausted of trying to be anything but myself.

Even the ways a lot of folks like Stede leave out his less palatable autistic traits. Like the fact that almost everyone who meets him in canon does not like him and he has to grow on most ppl. He's hard headed, annoying, presumptuous, obnoxious. This is apart of his autism as well, and why piracy suits him, FREES him.

Izzy is right at home as a pirate because of these very things also. He doesn't have to mask as a neurodiverse person or as a queer man.

I think it's safe to say a lot of ppl's classist views on piracy are reflected in their negative/unfair views of Izzy. The idea that pirates should be softer or nicer or more pleasant or even that a failure to take on these values is Toxic Masculinity (taking this phrase from fandom and putting it on a high shelf until you learn that upperclass white cis het neurotypical masculinity is not the norm and white women learn to question their motivation in normalizing the idea of systemic harm they can't participate in) neglects what Oluwande spoke about in episode one, that piracy is a culture built by people who did not have a choice to do anything but survive.

I hope in s2 we will see Stede get a taste of what that struggle is really like and abandon his classist, romantic notions of piracy.

[gayhenrycreel]

anyone else feel like this?

i just cant relate to the men-loving-men tag. at all. not in the slightest. i feel excluded from my own community.

its all boypussy this, man tits that.

theres no recognition for trans men who have had or want to have any surgery at all. its almost entirely for pre everything white twinks who conform. in fact i can hardly find posts about any men who have dicks. not even cis men.

it reads like a fetish tag.

i cant relate at all. im not a twink. sometimes i like to be feminine but for the most part im just a hairy bogan. after i start testosterone im likely going to turn into a bear.

i dont see any representation for trans man who are not submissive hairless twinks. not even in other tags.

i want to have surgery. i want a flat chest. i plan to have phalloplasty. i look just like a cis guy.

i get that not all trans men can pass and they deserve representation too, but trans men who are indistinguishable from cis men are pretty much ignored.

i dont want to feel excluded from my own community.

sometimes it seems like people in these tags are against transitioning. ive seen them say that bottom surgery results dont look real or have no sensation. i cant actually find evidence of this being true. these people talk like fully transitioned bodies are mutilated or something.

sounds like terf rhetoric doesnt it?

people deserve to feel included in their communities.

trans men dont have to be feminine submissive twinks.

what about trans men who are masculine? what about trans men who are tops? what about trans men who are bears?

masculinity is not bad. people have a right to be themselves, even if you dont like it. stop listening to terfs. masculinity can be wonderful. if you think trans men cant be masculine you need to think about why you think that. do you think the difference between being masculine or feminine is determined by genitals? thats exactly what terfs say.

masculinity and femininity are constructs. we can do whatever we want with them.

the blogs ive seen spouting this bullshit seem fine with trans women or trans men being feminine, but refuse to acknowledge that trans women can be butch and trans men can be masculine.

its clear that they only have a problem with masculinity.

this is terf rhetoric

post op bodies are wonderful. people deserve to have the bodies they need. transitioning has been repeatedly proven to save lives.

my testosterone levels naturally increased recently and now that i smell like a cis man i have a will to live. transitioning saves lives. for some trans men, including me, masculinity saves lives too. its not bad or gross to wear boots and flannel or be hairy or smell different. masculinity is the most freeing experience ive ever had. im finally myself.

people should also be allowed to define their masculinity however they want. masculinity varies from culture to culture. in my country (new zealand) its is considered masculine to have long hair and close relationships with other men (we call this mateship).

its okay to want to be hairy and have a flat chest. bottom surgery is wonderful too.

theres nothing wrong with wanting to be "traditionally" masculine.

just let people be themselves.

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Splitter Girl (weevildoing)

Another night, I’m all alone, enthroned within a screen/RGB light reflects uncut orgasmic tragedies...Oh, I can’t stand these awful thoughts inside of me/Only way to compensate is lead and metal, sharp and clean!

"VIOLENCE. ITS ALL ABOUT VIOLENCE it got its mv censored to start. its not even justified but hey i cant say that about many songs lmao its about the glorification of violence from mental illness (and some other things, but really its generally all about mental illness), and is done extremely well. its extremely clear that theres a lot of care put into this song, and like... determination? i barely ever see representation of things like this (violent/intrustive thoughts, glorification of it, etc) in music, so seeing it here (and in a way that shows that weevildoing truly gets it + isn't patronizing) is really nice. really this song is like... a community? something to show that you arent alone. and i love that so much, i love how much has been put into this song, every single lyric and instrumental choice shows an abundance of love and care and understanding. and this song has an entire developed character to go with it, and is alongside multiple other songs! its a part of the post-traumatic manifesto, and the character featuring is Splitter Girl (no other name, which is on purpose). the song is basically her mind, and the mv (uncensored) her internet life. showing what she's searching, listening to, shopping for, etc. once again it hits the nail right on the head for what mental illness is like. the visuals are very unafraid and purposeful in the clips and websites it shows, up to blade shopping, #guro and how to tie nooses being included. it pulls no stops in showing what it's truly like to be so low, what it really feels like, the highs and lows of it. it's like a love letter to me, to everyone who feels this way, and thats why i love it so much. it doesnt demonize us. it offers a hand (with a glittery pink gun) and an understanding i said its all about violence but man. its all about being *understood.* and violence too"

Karma (AJR)

I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly/I've been so good, why am I feeling empty?/I've been so good, I've been so good this year/I've been so good, but it's still getting harder/I've been so good, where the hell is the karma?/I've been so good, I've been so good this year

i try to explain the good faith that's been wasted / but after an hour, it sounds like complaining / wait, don't go away, can i lie here forever? / you say that i'm better, why don't i feel better? / the universe works in mysterious ways / but i'm starting to think it ain't working for me / doctor should i be good, should i be good this year?

You say that I'm better, why don't I feel better?/The universe works in mysterious ways/But I'm starting to think it ain't working for me/Doctor, should I be good, should I be good this year?

"The song embodies what it feels like to try with everything you have just to be unrecognised and pushed aside. To be overlooked and for people to not see your struggles. Each line is written with so much energy and emotion, not to mention how the last verse hits you like a truck. It's become a song that I resonate a lot with and so do a lot of other people."

"It makes me want to cry every time I listen to it, the emotion build at the end of the song makes my chest hurt, and the lyrics fit me way too well and its. aaoiuuhhgg"

"It is exactly what it feels like to struggle with depression, self-loathing, etc. I sob every time I listen to it or even think of it (I’m tearing up right now). It’s just so painful to be reminded that I genuinely used to feel that way constantly, and that I still struggle with it. And of course, the instrumental just feels like the inside of my brain."

"It's like, the feeling when you're trying your best, to be a good person, to be liked by everyone, and still end up getting nothing, your not happy(er) or better, you just still feel lonely and like it was all for nothing, and you end up asking yourself "does it even matter?" and you want to get help, to get better, to feel better, but still, it all feels the same."

POLL RUNNER HERE - VOTE KARMA THE LYRICS WILL DESTROY YOU. Especially the final verse/bridge where the singer just launches into one long breath of really raw lyrics - that's what ajr is all about. Destroying you with words that are real

Splitter Girl submitted by @uniquezombiedestiny

Karma submitted by @space-shuttle-discovery + others

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I’m gonna be honest I don’t understand how people can be hazbin hotel fans and just know everything vivziepop has done and dont care or they choose to pretend they dont know so they dont have to feel guilty about it. Shocking news, you can be INCREDIBLY critical of media you enjoy parts of. I enjoy parts of this show but I’m not going to go buy shit to watch it and support some random lady using a closed religion to make her tumblr sexyman character look “scary”.

I saw someone say vivziepop misgendering someone (allegedly on accident) after getting mad, was a “nothing sandwich” which 1. No the fuck it aint. And also 2. Are you actually off your rocker nuts. I don’t give a fuck if it was an accident heat of the moment thing. Sure you can apologise for that, not me who you misgendered so I cant accept it, but misgendering anyone is never a “nothing sandwich”. Same guy also said that vivzie demonising and appropriating vodou was okay because “Alastor can do it” That… doesn’t fucking matter? VIVZIE can’t practice vodou and neither can her weird red suited deer man, sorry to burst your bubble.

I think everyone thats scrolled even a few inches on my blog (cause really thats all I have) can tell I like Angel Dust. Lots of people like Angel Dust. But apparently half of those people can’t comprehend you can dislike aspects of a character while liking other ones. I mean this directed toward fans by the way. Id sure as hell prefer if he wasn’t fucking fetishised for being a gay man but its vivziepop so literally what can I expect from the lady that makes merch glorifying his abuse. “Yes vivzie! Id love to purchase merch of a traumatic situation ive also been in! Thank you so much for making it look pretty!” I will literally eat glass and drink battery acid before any of this shit actually comes outta my mouth.

It’s so fucking weird how her spin-off show has better representation, humour, writing, and more than her actual main show. Im super glad Helluva Boss is good. Im glad there isn’t any stupid racist representations in there or overly fetishised gay men. Fizzaroli and Ozzie are a cute couple thats written very nicely but even they have elements of vivziepops unsavoury interests that you can see sometimes, but oh my god. Put some of that care into your MAIN show. I am holding out so much hope that vivzie continues the good writing of episodes 7 & 8 so much I am not going to stop noting that, but I am also fully ready to crash and burn from those hopes and that is so fucking disappointing.

[dufferpuffer]

OKOKOK

I read your post on Remadora yesterday and stumbled on this today on instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/C-S1DTwq6dZ/?igsh=cHRtcTEyMXYxbDht

IT JUST WORKS SO WELL WITH WHAT YOU SAID. I am a sucker for Remadora (and Snupin). What you wrote about them is so true. Please tell me more 🥹

that is such a sweet little comic there's my man, there he is!! He'd need a drink after doing that... I cant stop laughing though the last picture gives this energy

IDK what to say, so I'm gonna Remadora ramble, aight? B^) I actually like how their relationship in the books progressed - but is only glimpsed at. It's nice when romance takes back seat. Their relationship issues felt grounded and adult - when even most adult media has romance feeling immature.

Harry wouldn't have been able to understand what was going on with them anyway. He didn't even suspect it, when all the adults were dealing with it all the time. He was a kid. It's a good reminder of his immaturity that he didn't pick up on it until Tonks was literally grabbing Remus by the robes and shouting her love at him.

I don't wanna too personal on here, I guess... but I like how Remus reacts to Tonks' love. Having lived that - twice - I suspect the author has lived it too. I have two boyfriends, both of them are older than me (9yrs and 17yrs older) and love was scary for them!!! The societal prejudice we have faced adds more pressure on them as the older males... and they aren't even werewolves, or pariahs. Positive representation really does feel nice, yknow?

That makes the tragedy of Remadora hurt so much more. I like that HP isn't a story that pulls its punches. That it's not a narrative about fixing a broken world, just surviving it. But so much about the way HP ended... feels hollow. Like quickly tying up all the threads without much thought to the themes.

I am a firm believer that Tonks should have lived. Remus can die - as much as that hurts my soul - to tie up the 'previous generation'. He shouldn't be the only one to survive, thematically. If anyone that should be Severus. If Teddy was supposed to be a mirror to Harry, but gets to live in a more hopeful future with a huge family... that should have been shown in the Epilogue. But it wasn't. He is brushed over.

Tonks' story would be phenomenal: a young widow who chased a doomed love that changed her, who will make a better world for others like her husband in his memory... A talented mother balancing a tough career and her son. The last Black - who rejects the name. The widow of a werewolf. Teddy, who grows up so much like his mother - with a complex connection to a father who is both a hero and a monster... who ran off and died rather than survive with them. His mother's love protects him, but its his father he years to understand.

I just think??? That's wonderful??? And it's such a fucking waste to kill her off for... what??? Just to make an orphan to ignore???

Tonks herself is fine. I like her. She doesn't interest me heaps, she feels custom-fit to Remus... and I suffer from cishet-woman syndrome of obsessing over men because horny. Oopsy. But LIVING would make her amazing. Remus wouldn't DEFINE her - but it'd show how worthwhile his love was to her life, that she keeps living it as a wolf rather than a rabbit. As it stands... Remus' fear that he is bad, that nobody should know him or love him, came true.