#i cannot wait for the next episode i need to know how this thing is going to spiral

[mellohiizz]

To me, parrot is so 'free bird that doesn't want to be chained down' coded

If you think abt it, every option that he had that any form of 'safe' restrained him from living his life

-the obsidian box that Leo gave him, when he was first chased down by clown

-the jungle house that he had, refraining himself from indirectly hurting other people and also to keep himself safe

-proton prison, where he was somewhat safe (according to ken) but a place where he couldn't do anything

-maybe end civ, if you really think abt it, a place of supposed safety, millions block away from society (kinda similar to jaron's now that I think abt it and we all know how that went lol)

-and wifies, who was willing to do anything to keep parrot safe, even if it meant restraining him from doing his righteous shit, a partial chain from him being a free bird

Side note :

I love parrot's allay, iirc he said that the allay was a symbol of hope and friendship, maybe he meant it in a sense that he thinks, that no matter how much they separated, no matter how much they lost each other, they will always come back

Also side note :P :

If you think abt it, that allay is the only thing that has that he can keep for himself, wifies and dean are their own people, the emerald and the book were and always will be Luigi's, parrot has lost so much in his episodes

Wifies, his safety, the end civ, maybe partially his savior thing when he lost Luigi

Maybe the reason that he had when he tried to save his allay, was bcs he didn't have anything else, that the allay was the only meaningful thing that he could have for himself, that could maybe keep safe

Idk if this is a good take or not, I just has this I my head for a while :P

ohhhh, actually, a really good take, i completely agree with everything. parrot is a very free bird, pun intended.

he always refused to let people put him into restrictions and openly defied every possible rule that kept him from doing something he wanted to do. even if it put him in danger, he always stood his own ground, especially in the latest videos.

he doesn't let anything hold him back, seemingly even when it comes to someone like wifies, who's the closest person to him. that seems to be both his biggest strength and his fatal flaw.

because yes, it helps him get out of the situations a lot, but it also causes him to put himself and others into said situations in the first place, and it also causes him to tunnel vision on things and overlook anything else that's important. like how he tunnel visioned on avenging luigi's death, or whatever his driving point right now is, and completely ignore what was in the background. (dean and wifies conflict, dean's reasoning for what he did, wifies' concern over him)

also. the allay. GOD that stupid little thing. i've seen a few takes on what the allay might represent and honestly, i most agree with either the allay being a representation of hope—as stated earlier in the series, the only thing that they always had, that parrot always had. or it could be a representation of luigi's lingering spirit, because that also seemed to be a theme the whole episode. i, personally, like to think that it's a mix of both.

[misswynters]

Broken and whole

pairing | Viktor x gn!reader

no warnings just passionate kissing

a short drabble until we wait for the next three episodes with jesus viktor <3 (he’s always been so fine)

– let me know if you would like to get tagged in arcane fics

[note | pls don’t just like, but also reblog & give me feedback. i don’t want to get shadowbanned <3

In the night sky as the moonlight shines through the windows, the lab was filled with the low hum of machinery. It had a faint metallic scent of Viktor’s latest work. You leaned against the wall, watching him from across the room as he worked, utterly engrossed in his latest project. He had changed so much recently, both in body and spirit. The hextech augmentation now coursing through his leg gave him a powerful, refined look, yet you sensed a hidden struggle behind his carefully guarded gaze. You knew how he was. His mind was only half here, the other was lost somewhere between ambition and uncertainty.

He hadn’t noticed your arrival yet, too focused on the delicate mechanisms of the device in front of him. You admired him, his steady hand, his unwavering concentration, the way his golden eyes seemed to burn with a fire that was part passion, part burden. Yet you could see the toll it took, even if he would never admit it.

“Viktor,” you spoke softly, not wanting to startle him.

His head lifted, and his intense gaze softened slightly as he saw you. “Ah,” he said, letting out a breath, “I didn’t realize you were here.” There was a hint of relief in his voice, as if your presence offered him a reprieve from the depths of his mind.

You approached him slowly, your fingers brushing the edge of the table. “I wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself,” you said, giving him a gentle smile. “It’s been days, Viktor. You need to rest.”

A flicker of defensiveness crossed his face, but it melted quickly, replaced by something almost vulnerable. “Rest,” he echoed, his voice laced with exhaustion. “It feels like a luxury I cannot afford.”

You stepped closer, your heart aching at the sight of him so worn down, so caught between his dreams and the demands of his body. “Even visionaries need a break,” you murmured, reaching up to gently place a hand on his shoulder. He was warmer than you expected, his skin cool to the touch from the metal but still unmistakably him.

Viktor looked down at your hand, as if surprised by the intimacy of the gesture. His gaze softened, and he let out a soft, reluctant sigh. “Perhaps… perhaps you’re right,” he admitted, a slight smile breaking through the intensity of his features. “You always have been, haven’t you?”

There was a warmth in his voice that pulled you closer, and for a moment, you forgot the cold metal and complex machinery that surrounded you. You reached up, brushing a stray lock of hair from his face, feeling the tension ease from his shoulders under your touch.

“Viktor…” you murmured, your voice almost trembling with the unspoken words you had held back for so long. He looked at you, truly looked, his golden eyes reflecting something vulnerable, something raw that he rarely let show. “Yes?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Without thinking, you leaned in, your fingers tracing along his jawline, feeling the softness of his skin against the hardness of his prosthetic. His eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he tilted his head toward you, his gaze focused solely on your face, as if you were the only thing grounding him in this moment.

“I worry about you,” you whispered, your voice almost lost in the quiet hum of the lab. “You give so much of yourself, but you leave so little room for…” You hesitated, searching for the right words. “For someone to care for you.”

Viktor’s expression softened, his hand lifting slowly to touch yours, his fingers tentative but warm. “I… I hadn’t realized,” he murmured, his gaze dropping for a moment before he met your eyes again. “But with you, it feels… different.”

A moment of silence passed between you, and in that silence, the unspoken words lingered, the weight of everything you had both held back coming to the surface. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Viktor leaned forward, his face mere inches from yours.

“Different how?” you asked, your heart pounding as you felt his breath against your lips.

“Like I could… lose myself in you,” he whispered, a vulnerability in his voice that shook you to your core.

Before you could respond, his lips brushed yours, soft at first, testing, as if he was afraid you might pull away. But you didn’t. Instead, you leaned into him, your hands moving to cup his face as he deepened the kiss, his fingers threading through your hair, pulling you closer. There was a hunger in his kiss, a desperation that spoke of the weeks, months, maybe even years he had spent holding back, afraid to want this, to want you.

The passion between you ignited, his lips pressing against yours with a fervor that surprised you both. Viktor’s hand slid to the small of your back, pulling you flush against him, as if he needed to feel every inch of you, as if he were afraid you might vanish. His breath was ragged, each exhale a confession of how long he had kept himself from this moment.

He pulled back, only slightly, his golden eyes searching yours, his face open in a way you had never seen. “You…” he whispered, as if the words failed him, his hand brushing against your cheek. “You are the one thing that makes me feel whole.”

You could see the storm of emotions in his gaze. Desire and hope. They were all woven together, vulnerable and unguarded. You wrapped your arms around him, letting yourself sink into the feeling of him holding you, his heartbeat quickening against yours.

“You don’t have to carry everything alone, Viktor,” you whispered, pressing your forehead to his, your fingers trailing down his arm, feeling the cool metal beneath your fingertips. “I’m here. Let me carry some of it with you.”

He closed his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath as he held you close, his hand moving to cradle the back of your head, his fingers tangled in your hair. “I never thought…” His voice cracked, and he took a moment to steady himself. “I never thought anyone could love someone like me.”

Your heart ached at the words, at the quiet self-doubt that he kept buried so deep. You tilted his chin up, meeting his gaze with all the strength you could muster. “I don’t love you despite anything, Viktor,” you said, your voice steady. “I love you because of who you are, all of you.”

For a moment, he simply looked at you, his eyes wide and vulnerable, and then he kissed you again, harder this time, as if pouring everything he couldn’t say into the kiss. His hand moved to your waist, pulling you even closer, his fingers pressing into you as though you were his anchor, the one steady point in the storm that was his mind.

The two of you stayed like that, tangled together in the quiet of the lab, lost in each other. Viktor’s hand traced gentle patterns along your back, his touch tender, almost reverent, as if he was memorizing every detail of this moment. And in that embrace, in the warmth of his kiss, you felt him let go of the weight he carried, just a little, as he allowed himself to surrender to you, even if only for this fleeting, stolen moment.

banner by. @cafekitsune

[mehrfh]

Some thoughts, until next time!

It will be a while before I come back to Tumblr but I should be thankful to that Instagram reel of Jinmao that introduced me to this masterclass in storytelling....I devoured the source material and loved everything about the anime...As the second season wraps up with end of an important arc and end of certain characters we will either not see for the foreseeable future or will be relegated to the periphery, next few arcs are about some new characters and some of the characters in two seasons getting more screen space than they had (read Lahan and Rikuson)....I had some thoughts and I am going to share them until next time, this will be kind of my last long post for now...

Friendship, Betrayal, Uncertainty and Fate's gamble...

For me, despite the clamour of last few episodes, these bonds meant friendship and I will be leaving thoughts accordingly... And I will not try to make it about Shisui only (I have spoken enough on her)....These two were MaoMao's some of the most precious of bonds...Shisui and Xiaolan gave MaoMao space to be herself without any obstacle of her upsetting a superior, she did not have to care about her station in front of these two... Moreover, they accepted her for her talents and quirks...They were truly precious, safe and non-judgmental like a friendship is supposed to be....So the hurt was piercing when it all came crashing down....

A friend's betrayal and another friend's loss cut a soul like MaoMao deep because the love was deep... Xiaolan and Shisui had made MaoMao realise she had a support system to rely on and they were in this together, for such bonds to meet such uncertain ends where MaoMao is not even sure if she will ever see them again (Shisui because we know and Xiaolan given she never knows the address of where she went)...Fate was cruel to these three, more so for Shisui, as she was pushed to the brink...I hope their innocent revelries had not met such a twisted end...

Kindness as an Eternal Principle

I cannot put in words how much this scene moved me...Jinshi, for me showed a glimpse of a really noble ruler knowing his subjects too well, given the way he gently broke news of children surviving to Suirei...And Suirei, my precious one, suffered like hell and to see her finally getting some good news was such a moving and relieving scene...To know that she was initially represented as a cold-cutting character, her unraveling as an abuse victim and her beautiful bond with Shisui was so deeply moving.....I love how one main thing common between Jinshi and MaoMao remains their kindness for other people 's suffering...The way it makes them understand even most dangerous of people (narratively speaking)...This moment is perfect encapsulation of Jinshi's kindness as he is literally dealing with a former assassin who made a very dangerous attempt on his life and was involved in various other fatal incidents at the rear palace! There is a reason I put him on a pedestal!

:)

Love as Poetry in War and Peace...

You would think Love is not there, you may bite, argue, apply vague and poorly defined filters and parameters, call people on their side every kind of name but no matter what you do or say, some stories are bound by Poetry of their time...Kind of Love that doesn't betray you at the altar of politics, kind of Love where reverence by someone is like getting a second chance at living... Love that is whispered in the air, it straddles in subtle moments...Love that grows, and fulfills... It doesn't need noise, or fireworks, to register....Love that nurtures and waits for other with incredible patience...Love that becomes yearning, angst and even anger but not betrayal, never betrayal...

Love as Reverence, as Poetry, Love as between Moon and Earth...

Bereave the Past

But Future is smiling!

Lastly, What is the Cost of Politics?

Everything....

[cheeseceli]

Mornings with SKZ

Pairing: Ot8!Skz × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: fluff, headcanons

Request: Ot8 skz and their s/o mornings together

Warnings: mentions of food, skinship, established relationship

A/n: posting this as a reminder I still exist 😭 | Daily click

Bang Chan

First three times you shared a bed with him freaked you out because Why'd you always wake up alone??

He'd already be starting his day

Showering, making breakfast, even working already depending on the day

But he'd always be as silent as possible so to not wake you up

Once you inevitably do, he stops whatever he was doing so he can say hello to you

Good morning hug 🙂‍↕️

"Hi babe, did I wake you up? Sorry, I'll be quieter next time. Come here"

Lee Know

You'd wake up with the smell of something delicious being made

Best breakfast ever!!

And he'd keep cooking after he feels you hugging him from behind

Asks you if you slept well 😔

Of course you slept well, how could you not with his three cats sleeping with you?

They'd only wake up later on though

It gives you two time to spend together before the day actually starts

"I'm almost done cooking it, you can go sit if you want."

Changbin

Please be someone who likes mornings

I see him as such an early bird for some reason

A very energetic one for all that is worth

So he'd love it if you wanted to be active since the early morning

Going out for breakfast, jogging a little bit, maybe just walking around the town

He loves to start his day with you, no matter what you're doing

"The day is so beautiful already! Do you want to go out? We can go to that cafe you like."

Hyunjin

He'd probably wake up before you, but he's not getting out of bed until you do

He's on the lazy morning racha, what can I say

But he's there, laying with you and cuddling you, sweetening your dreams a little bit more

It's a little bit funny cause he's waiting for you to wake up but he's not doing anything to entertain himself

Not even using his phone

Maybe he's still a bit dreamy and is just savouring this peaceful moment

Brightest smile ever when you open up your eyes

"Hello, love. Did you sleep well?"

Han

There's no such thing as morning with him

Bro is ready to wake up only after eleven am

And please don't be an early bird because he needs to be with him

Yes, he will be asleep, but he also wants to be with you

He's such a cuddler

Even if you woke up, I'm not sure you'd be able to get away from his hold

"C'mon, baby. Just five more minutes."

Felix

Breakfast in bed!!!

I cannot imagine a morning that is more him than that

He's so gentle when waking you up as well

Softly calling out your name and maybe even kissing your forehead

It would be like 8/9 am when he'd wake you up

So that gives you two quite a time to spend together

"Wake up, angel. I made some food for you."

Seungmin

It doesn't always happen, but whenever it's possible, he loves to watch the sunrise with you

Even if you're so sleepy you barely register the scene

It's kinda magical

He won't admit it though

Mornings with him are low-key quiet, you both still a little bit sleeping

It's also when he's the most vulnerable

"Come here" he asks with open arms, just waiting for your touch.

I.N

He's the second part of the lazy morning racha

He loves doing absolutely nothing with you

Just laying in bed or on the couch and catching up with your favourite drama energises him so much

He especially lives to this on his days off

It's rare to be able to do nothing for a while, so he won't lose an opportunity to do so

"Oh, there's a new episode of the drama we were watching last week. Wanna see it?

Masterlist | you'll probably like: first relationships

Reminder this is just fiction!! I'm not trying to portray real life and you shouldn't believe that this is how the members actually are. This is just for the vibe and the delulu!

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @dandelions-143 @sleepyleeji @jinnie-ret @sheraayasherrecs @rockstarkkami @urlocalmultigroupfan @aeinzzzketchup

Dividers by @cafekitsune | images 1, 2 and 3

[paperclipninja]

I'm gonna sound very old person yells at cloud but I don't care, I feel like I need to say this. We all (well most of us) know that messaging Neil with any headcanons/theories/wishes/hopes/dreams to do with the show is a no-go because it could potentially compromise the story he wants to tell or ends up telling. And yes, he is a grown up who chooses what to respond to etc and I think it's wonderful he engages with fans and answers a lot of lovely and interesting questions about his process, writing and journey etc.

However, there is another reason not to send theories and ideas about how the show should go to the show creator in the hope of a response: it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether a theory is correct, or a speculation may or may not play out. That is why fandom exists.

Online fandom is where we all come together to yell and cry and throw around weird-ass ideas and theories and look at art and read fanfic and unite in our love of characters and a show. A huge part of being in fandom, is the way fandom theories become like an understood little bit of fanon lore that some people attach to, others disregard. But it doesn't matter. And part of the fun of fandom, is when a new season or a new episode of the show comes out, you have this collective catalogue of ideas and theories and headcanons and you get to yell and scream, "omg it happened1" or "lol that that thing was ever talked about" or "thank god that theory didn't come to pass".

Wanting to know now (not that we ever will) and not wanting to wait until the next season to find out the answers diminishes the fandom experience. I cannot stress enough how much we are in the absolute peak of the fandom experience right now. The between seasons time is the ultimate time to be a part of a fandom (as I'm sure many people are well aware), knowing there's another season coming energises everyone to create and connect and speculate and it's glorious! I know it feels like it'll be like this forever, but it won't. Next season is the last and yes, there will be a flurry and uptick of all the energy and excitement once again, and I absolutely believe Good Omens fandom will live on and remain active and thrumming. But there won't be theories and what ifs and hunting for clues for the next season, and over time it will dwindle a little and plateau and some people will fall into other fandoms, and while it will probably bubble away, there won't be the anticipation that sits with us now.

My point is, fandom is where we get to throw around ideas and flail and be ridiculous and also serious sometimes, but it's all for us. For the fans. Showing Neil theories or getting in a flap about a particular speculation and asking if x, y, or z might happen isn't just about putting the creator in an awkward spot, it takes away what fandom is about. Just let this time be ours. If you haven't been in fandom before, enjoy it! Don't be in a hurry to seek definitive answers or know things either way.

It doesn't matter if any or none or all of the things that float around end up being correct or incorrect. Fandom isn't about being right. It's about being a part of a community and being able to share ideas and it's about it being FUN.

So TL;DR Stop sending Neil fan ideas because that is for fandom, not for the creator.

[whateveriwant]

Annoying Things the 141 Do

Price

Never cleans the sink well after he shaves. Every time you go in the bathroom after he’s trimmed his beard, it’s like walking into a crime scene of a hamster massacre

Always manages to load the dishwasher wrong (because, yes, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it, John)

Asks you to wait for him to get home so you can watch your shows together, but then as soon as you start the first episode, he falls asleep beside you

Smokes his cigars inside sometimes. I don’t care that you sprayed air freshener afterwards, sir. Now the whole house smells like spring meadow and shit!

Is incapable of closing the door behind himself?? At least, that appears to be the case since he’s always leaving your door wide open even though you ask him to shut it when he goes

Doesn’t like throwing things out because he’ll “find a use for it one day”. Even if that day ever does come, I think he has a better chance of finding Atlantis than finding that scrap piece of wood he saved four years ago

Ghost

Turns the TV on and then just… walks away??? And if you try to change it to something else, he grumbles “I was watchin’ tha’” when he comes back

Drinks milk/juice/etc. straight out of the carton. Mr Simon “Patient Zero” Riley might not see the problem with this, but I think the rest of us would agree that is diabolical behavior

Leaves his wet towel on the floor after he showers even though the towel rack is right? there?

Hates asking for help even when he has no clue what he’s doing. Like, sure, I get wanting to fix things yourself. However, I’d rather spend $100 on a simple repair than $1000 on a full replacement after he breaks the thing even more

Puts his phone calls on speaker whenever possible. While this can have its merits sometimes (you get firsthand news of Gaz’s engagement!), most of the time it feels like a nuisance (do you really need to hear Soap talk about his hemorrhoids?)

MANSPREADERRRR! This man cannot sit like a civilized being to save his life. He claims he sits like that because his balls need to breathe, and to that I say good luck trying to breathe after I karate chop you in the throat :))))

Soap

Cuts his toenails in bed, which wouldn’t necessarily be an issue if he didn’t accidentally leave one or two rogue clippings that stab you in the side later when you’re trying to get comfortable

Forgets to put the toilet seat down when he gets up in the middle of the night to pee – that or he pisses all over the seat in the dark. Either way, prepare to have wet cheeks the next time you sit on the toilet

Whenever he doesn’t feel like doing the laundry, he just buys a new set of whatever’s dirty (that’s how he ended up with 100 pairs of socks and 200 pairs of underwear)

Talks nonstop through every show/movie you try to watch. Good luck getting more than five minutes of uninterrupted runtime next to this yapper

Apparently, doesn’t understand what “one bite” means? Whenever he asks you for a bite of your food, he always ends up taking five or six

Also, apparently doesn’t know how to chew with his mouth closed? Like, I’m glad you’re enjoying your meal, Johnny, but can you enjoy it without speckling it all over the table and my face?

Gaz

Two words: bathroom hog. I hope you don’t like taking hot showers or having more than a 6x6 inch square of counter space for your stuff, because after Kyle’s done with his 30-step beauty routine, there’s little of either left

Never knows what he wants to eat for dinner, and no matter what you suggest, he never thinks it sounds good

Has the gall to chastise you for your screen time even though he’s just as bad as you, if not worse (because you being on your phone before bed is so much worse than him playing video games for nine hours straight, right?)

Rests his feet on the couch/bed/coffee table while wearing shoes. It doesn’t matter if they’re brand new or beaten up; take your damn shoes off the furniture, sir!

Never writes down the shopping list because he’ll “remember everything”. (Newsflash: he does not remember everything, which means cue taking a second trip to the store)

Watches one documentary and thinks he’s an expert on the subject. You can have studied a thing for years, can present him with a bunch of rock solid facts and reputable sources, and he’ll hit you with a “Well, actually ☝️🤓” and then proceed to give the most nonsensical take ever

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 7

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE 4 ENTRY I SWEAR

agatha: why yes I'm listening politely because I'm being sociable, not because this story concerns me in any way shape or form

she did NOT want TO DO IT AGATHA. HE WAS HER SON TOO AGATHA. did you ever give her a chance to SAY any of THAT. damn rio is (metaphorically) fighting for her life here. waiting centuries to catch her wife with her guard down next to a random fire, and then reworking her LONG PLANNED SPEECH into bite sized easily digestible bits so that her emotionally stunted soulmate doesn't run away screaming

I was doing MY DAMN FUCKING JOB agatha

agatha looks away like whooops! wasn't listening! wasn't looking at you! no sir, not me!

that's right. acknowledge her feelings. show her that you understand but that you're hurting too. be mature. you're doing great. god the way she swallows and stares right ahead, so determined. this is such a crucial moment for her.

agatha: i'm stone cold. I'm a wall. this is not affecting me in the slightest. I'm bored, really.

lilia not missing a word of what rio's saying

lmao the neutral pronoun lasted two seconds. she's not even trying to pretend like she isn't talking about agatha. and the way she nods to herself like yes, I did the best I could with this. so, there.

"she is my scar" is going to the sapphic annals, isn't it?

LMAOOOO the unblinking cat stare. rio is like I WAS TALKING TO YOU DUM-DUM. I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT, EVERYONE AROUND THIS GODDAMN FIRE KNOWS IT. CAN YOU PLEASE PLEASE FUCKING TALK TO ME PLEASE DEAR GOD

and agatha doing a teeny tiny side glance and going whoooooooops not looking! I'm NOT looking! I'm not even here! and scrunching her face more and more trying to keep it blank

AND she's gone. she's so predictable lmaooo. every dang time.

awkwaaaaaard

rio with her soft smile again! with the little amused eye roll! never getting mad at agatha's antics. she's like FINE I'll come after you, you BIG BABY. the patience this woman has

lilia is so scared of rio because somehow, through her exceptional Seer abilities, she knew instinctively that this is her mortal foe. but something funny has just happened: here in front of her there's just a regular little guy, a bit odd maybe, doing her little thing, trying to talk to her ex. might it be... might it be that death isn't a monster, that it's just a thing, a strange but natural thing that happens to everybody? lilia cannot accept that quite yet. so she grabs rio and says no, no. I've seen what you are. you're scary, you're evil, you're dangerous. this is lilia's survival instincts kicking in. we are simply wired to fear death, that's just how humans are. it takes an exceptional mind and soul to see past that.

oh god, here we go, here we go. deep breaths (I'm telling this to myself tbh. i need the pep talk)

stroking her hair so gently. soft, tentative.

hey, subtitle people??? what the fuck??

rio just stands and stares. lets agatha decide what comes next, goes at her pace always

the haiR CARESSING

the HUG. the BIG SIGH. this bitch was running away screaming from rio just yesterday. and here she is. her love. her partner. she finally acknowledges rio's pain and all that they lost and all that they were (and still are tbh) to each other. THIS is what rio was looking for. she's not flirting to manipulate and deflect now, she's not being somebody else. this is agatha cracked open and bleeding love and sorrow

and they melt into each other, and they're rocking each other back and forth, with all their pain and tenderness and longing

agatha with her face buried in rio's shoulder. I'm unwell

and then agatha gently pushes rio back and strokes her hair and cradles her face like she did so many times before and leans in and here I am giving you a play-by-play and running a commentary like a totally normal and sane person would

you know what makes for a perfect onscreen kiss imo? no it's not tongue, although these two will give us plenty of that too. it's the TREMBLING. THE HESITATION. THE YEARNING.

rio and her superhuman willpower. couldn't be me.

and and and and and agatha looks at her puzzled for a second and doesn't register what's happening and dives for a kiss again she's so far gone. the feral animal noises I'm making you have no idea

THE ICY SHOWER

THE STEP BACK. THE MOST PAINED SMILE

THE REGRET

I think one big reason why agatha is always so calculated is because she's afraid her instincts will take over. she does something big and spectacular and stupid and then calls it a 'calculated risk' when it was actually a rush of fear, desire, sorrow, anger that she couldn't control. tonight rio has managed to poke a little hole into a carefully constructed dam, and now all the water is rushing out and tearing down the walls. agatha has rio in her arms and her shape, her scent, her skin are so nostalgic and familiar. her brain goes on autopilot, she's been lonely for so long, she is FAMISHED for love and connection and sex and acceptance. rio wanted her to open up, but agatha doesn't do half-measures. rio wanted her to give for a change, but agatha can only ever take.

rio HAS to put a stop to it. she puts logic before heart, one of them has to and you know agatha isn't gonna. more than anything rio wants to take this one perfect moment and run away with it, but instead she tears herself away and asks, what happens next? what happens if I have to take billy away from you? that reanimated corpse, that freak of nature who walked into your life only yesterday and took over?

billy is now part of the equation and rio cannot ignore it. she has been so gentle and careful with agatha, easing her into a reconciliation that is now in jeopardy because here comes billy maximoff like a sword of damocles! what happens if agatha takes her back only for rio to break her heart all over again? there would be no coming back from that. rio cannot help being the grim reaper just as much as agatha cannot help being a succubus, and she is almost at her breaking point here. because she is hurting too! she is sick of having to be the mature one! she's sick of always coming in second after all of agatha's issues! turns out there's a limit even to the heartbreak an impossibly old and wise being can take.

(and now I need a smoke and a future episode that is just 30 minutes of hot but soft cuddles and kisses and sweet nothings. please.)

once again a big shoutout and thank you to all the people reaching out and leaving comments, it's incredible to hear from you all @crybabyheathen @onceuponalegendbg @idkbroletssee @psychicsolanum @73chn1c0l0rr3v3l @a-tad-bit-obsessed @a-rusty-bucket-of-woes @miacheezytoon @isagrimorie @april-december @aquaaquila and I'm probably forgetting someone but I see you all and I appreciate you so much!

and now for something extra

[lieslab]

Wish you were sober

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Hyunjin X gn reader

Summary: The ending of your romantic relationship isn't a wake up call from your substance abuse, but rather a fall from grace.

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 2K

Trigger warning: Substance abuse/addiction, brief mention of domestic abuse, childhood trauma, drug paraphernalia, and heroin overdose.

Addiction/domestic abuse resources

_ _ _

Tangerine stained the heel of Hyunjin’s palm. Plum purple smeared along the outside of his opposite arm. Another quiet night of solitude and soft music made his heart content. The strokes of his paintbrush gliding across the page, the gentle dabbing of blending colors together; he could get lost on nights like this. 

Weeks ago, he would have stared blankly at his canvas and shoved it off the wooden easel. Too much hurt in his heart made his brain erratic. He acted without thinking, but time healed the hurt. Not fully, but enough to survive the next day. 

The next day and then the next. Another handful of days spun into a week. A week webbed into a month. A month stretched into two. The tears stopped falling every night. The brutal bullet wound in his heart began to heal with scar tissue. 

He wished he could fix you, but that’s the thing about people. People have to recognize and fight their own problems. They can lean on others for emotional support, but you cannot face people’s problems head on for them. No matter how scary, life must be faced head on. It’s the only way that a person will truly grow. 

Loving someone isn’t always easy. Some flaws are bigger than others. Some are unforgivable and others, as harsh as it sounds, they’re unmanageable. You? A derailed train waiting to crash. Hyunjin? A global k-pop idol with an image to keep up. He didn’t want to be there when you flew head first into another train. 

He tried his best to help you. He coaxed you into conversation after conversation. He tried to get you the help you needed, but you didn’t budge. You refused to see you had a problem. It’s why he left. He couldn’t keep putting his heart on the line and waiting for it to end badly. 

He called it being proactive and you dubbed him heartless. He tried to explain it to you, but you refused to see it. Screaming and crying, under the influence of alcohol, you tossed a book at his head. He barely ducked in time. You didn’t stop. 

One book and then another. Another two and then the lamp. It crashed and shattered, scattered all over the floor, and you couldn’t see the reality. Warped by the wave of alcohol, you knew your boyfriend’s heart no longer picked you. You thought he was selfish. The two of you parted in a broken and unforgiving manner. 

Hyunjin squinted, pulled down more tangerine along the petals of the flower he painted. When he finished, he pulled back, tipped his head, and nodded. Everything in the painting finally came together. It began to look how he envisioned it in his head. 

The vibration of his phone broke his concentration. He wiped his hands on a plaid cloth and swiped the phone without looking. “Hello?” 

“Oh my god, you didn’t block my number.” 

“Who is this?” When he heard your name from your friend’s mouth, his heart sank. He forgot he saved your best friend’s number. Just in case you had an episode where the two of you needed to contact one another about your spiraling behavior. 

“I’m sorry to call you so late, but I can’t find them, Hyunjin. They’re shooting up again and I know it’s not your responsibility, but please. I’ve looked everywhere and I’m freaking the fuck out.” Anxiety brewed in the pit of their stomach. Desperation flooded their voice. “Just this once, please help me and I’ll never contact you again.”

He didn’t know why he agreed, but he did. He shoved himself away from the painting, washed his hands, put on a pair of shoes, and disappeared into the darkness of the night. The same worry he felt weeks ago, it all came back. 

You were reckless with your life. You blamed it on a bad childhood. The teenage years that gnashed your heart into bits of pulp and mush. The kids who didn’t care. The parents who hated you. The world turned its back on you, so you turned your back on it. 

Last Hyunjin knew, you were abusing alcohol. He couldn’t stop you from buying it. He couldn’t take your wallet and hide your money away. Deep down, he wanted to, but he knew it wasn’t right. You had to come to terms with things on your own. 

The last week that the two of you were together, he’d come home to find you passed out on the couch or in the bed. You smelled like a bar. Empty bottles scattered around your body. Whether it was beer or cheap vodka that burned all the way down, it didn’t matter to you. Anything that you could drink and get drunk, it worked. 

If you progressed to shooting up something, your mindset grew worse. All hope that Hyunjin had for your recovery was swept away with a single phone call. His footsteps echoed along the pavement. Dark eyes darted around the sidewalks. The white fluorescent lights hummed above his head. 

Late at night, most places were closed, but he had an idea of where you might be. You always had a favorite rundown park. You said it reminded you of childhood before you realized you were unlovable. If you closed your eyes on the swing, you pretended you were five again. 

Reality didn’t dagger against your chest. You didn’t understand that parents should have been capable of love. Childhood friends didn’t abandon you. Life filled with bright colors and the sharp scent of mowed grass. You blew bubbles, unaware of the horror of the future. 

He walked along the sidewalks, passed the darkened business fronts, and he walked until he found the dead-end street. You took him here for your version of a first date. The two of you climbed the neglected playset. 

You squeezed through the top of a small rock formation and sprawled out on a circular platform. A rusted, metal spinning wheel attached to the side of the platform. At your hip, the perfect height for kids to steer the ship shaped playset. 

Hyunjin’s eyes scanned the area, but he didn’t see you in the dark. He took out his phone, called your name, and turned on the flashlight. He glanced around the area, hoping none of the nearby houses would call the cops on him. He wasn’t a creep, he just wanted to find you. 

Further and further, he walked to the pointed playset until he found an unmoving silhouette above his head. He rushed towards the same rock formation the two of you climbed months ago. He called your name, squeezed in the hole, and pulled himself into the small platform. 

He wiggled forward and his hand bumped metal. He cursed, shined his flashlight, and froze. The underside of a burnt spoon stared back at him. He panicked and rushed towards your body. 

You laid with your eyes shut. Pale skin and blue lips. Your body didn’t move with normal breaths. He shook your shoulders and called your name. Each sound louder than the last, trying to get you to wake up, but you didn’t. 

You always said being under the influence felt better. Away from the harsh realities. High on dizziness and euphoria, it provided relief from the pain in your brain. Your thoughts swung like Newton’s cradle. Each one left your brain more damaged and more hindered than the last. 

There had always been a chance he would find you like this, but he didn’t expect it to be tonight. He didn’t think it’d happen like this. He walked away, hoping, praying, and wishing you’d get better. He thought it’d give you a final wake up call. He didn’t know it’d doom your death. 

He screamed your name and shook you again. Your head slightly rolled, but your eyes didn’t flutter open. Your chest didn’t press forward with a simple breath. His hand reached out and hit your cheek. “Come on! Come on!” 

You didn’t stir. He fumbled for the packets in the back of his jeans. He didn’t think he’d have to use narcan, but he was glad he brought them along. You always worried him with your recklessness. He grabbed the plastic pack, ripped it open, and gently wrapped his fingers around the plastic pieces. He pushed the tip into your nose and pressed the lever, shooting it into your nasal cavity. 

“Come on, wake up. Don’t leave me tonight. You can’t do this to me tonight.” He shifted you onto your side. The recovery position was supposed to aid in your recovery. His fingers shook as he dialed the correct number for an ambulance. 

His words came out numbly. He explained the situation and your location. When you didn’t take a breath after a while, he administered a second round of narcan. Just as blue and red lights turned the corner, the sirens grew louder, and you gasped. 

You didn’t understand what was happening. The spot you jammed the needle in your forearm ached. Remnants of euphoria clung to your head. Your eyes drooped and Hyunjin’s grasp around you felt warm. You weakly uttered his name, not sure if he was here or a figment of the drugged haze. 

“I’m here and I’m not leaving you. I’m not letting go. Stay awake and stay with me.” He waved his arm to the first paramedic he saw. “Over here!” 

Your world blurred. Faces smeared. Sounds echoed and morphed. Your heart raced in your chest, but none of that mattered. The hurt didn’t last. It fractured, contorted, and burst into tiny pieces that drifted away with the drugs. 

It always felt good. The highs kept you high. The lows dragged you down and slammed you back to earth hard. Each one made you feel worse and worse. For each low, you craved the high again.

A never-ending self destructive cycle that almost killed you tonight. 

_ _ _ 

When you were finally straightened out hours later, after the doctor worked magic on your overdose, a headache loomed overhead. Your mouth felt dry and your body ached. 

Hyunjin sat across from you with tears in his eyes. After accompanying you to the hospital, he called your best friend back and told them that he found you. They showed up, but once they saw the state you were left in, they left the room in sobs. Unable to accept that this person was who their best friend was once. 

“Hyunjin?” You whispered. Your hand stretched for his, but he didn’t grab it. He stared at it and more tears slipped down his cheeks. 

“You nearly died tonight.” 

“What?” 

“You heard me. I’m sorry I’m being rude, but you’re an idiot. Do you know how devastating it was to find you not breathing? You dumbass!” He snapped out of anger. “I thought I lost you!”

He ignored your hand, reached out, and tugged you into a hug. “You stupid, fucking idiot. Don’t make me lose you. Don’t make me have to live through that. I’ll never forgive you if this addiction kills you.” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

“Don’t say sorry. Do something about it! Fight it!” He pulled away and cupped your cheeks. “Fight it. Let me help you. Let your friends help you. You don’t have to do any of this alone. Nobody ever said you had to be alone for it. Don’t let it take you away from us. Stop letting it win.” 

Maybe it was the devastation smeared along your ex-boyfriend’s face or the desperation in his eyes. Perhaps, it was the later admitness from Hyunjin where he informed you that your best friend ran out of your hospital room unable to fathom the reality you found yourself in. Maybe it was the gentleness from nurses and the doctors, who didn’t treat you like a burden, but rather like a person with an injury. 

_ _ _

Later, curled up to a sleeping Hyunjin in your shared hospital bed, you silently vowed to fight and win. No matter how long it took and no matter how much withdrawals sucked, you’d win. You’d fight for your life. For your future. For your friends. For your ex. 

You’d fight to become a success story and not another doomed statistic in a textbook.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lia-linny @seungnishi @stellasays45 @emilyywhyy @rockstarkkami @flightlessackerman @danihwang882 @inlovewithstraykids @velvetmoonlght @chrizrizz

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[housemdork]

house md rewatch: 1x19, "kids"

or the one where cameron's absence is so obvious that it causes a meningitis outbreak.

i'm qualifying this one as another stepping-stone episode for me, personally. i liked a lot of pieces of it, and obviously we get some major plot movement with cameron and house at the end, but i think we've entered Full Speed Ahead to the finale atp.

we open and close 1x19 with house and cameron, offering us a framed narrative that gets punched straight through at the end when cameron makes her shocking demand: a date! that's what it will take to get her back into PPTH. even without any foreknowledge, we can safely assume it's a loaded request with some pretty disastrous results incoming. but still, i have to say - i really hated this.

i see the plot and character resonance here. if i'm pretending like i haven't seen the resulting date (which i don't hate, despite disagreeing with the initial premise here), i still understand that a "date" will function more like a forced confrontation/dissection between 2 characters who have been struggling against the social norms of Having A Crush. it's not a role that either performs well, so good for cameron for trying to find a middle-ground, i suppose, but i sincerely can't get past the 2000s tv of it all. surely there could have been a more interesting way to do it. it's one house md's most daring attempts at breaking and/or redefining a trope, and i think this time it just falls flat.

i wish we didn't get to know cameron through this season-long dynamic with house, and i cannot wait for the deeper forays we get next season. i apologize for that negativity lol i just had to come clean about it. my patience has all but worn thin for this saga between them.

though i did like the visual representation of cameron being unable to progress forward by running in place on a treadmill to open the episode. she wasn't really going anywhere, was she?

as well as how house's acquiescence (HEAVY on the acquiescence) to her demands to come back mirrored how he asked her why she liked him. there are always bits and pieces to be appreciated, even amidst what i'd call rubble lol.

BUT! cameron's absence from this episode was very impactful in a way that i really enjoyed. after flubbing another attempt at soothing things between them, house is confronted with his worst nightmare: a clinic full of people who genuinely need his attention. watching chase and foreman fumble around, lacking the sensitivity that cameron carries so naturally in her practice, was an odd moment of solidarity between them, especially when they were so thrilled when house relieved them.

no such solidarity exists long term, however, since house dials his beef with chase up to 11. to me, it felt as if he was preaching cameron's noble high-road tendencies to chase, but vindictively, thus missing the point, when he forces chase to go through a medical glossary throughout the episode. of course it doesn't take - nobody can be like cameron, despite house's greatest wishes. house even dismisses the ingenuity of one of chase's ideas, which gets him the most upset, in the same way that cameron's ideas were often dismissed.

overall, he's clearly goading chase to crack and lash out in anger, like he's been so quick to do lately, and though chase gets increasingly aggravated, he maintains his cool.

i also really enjoyed the subtle callback to chase being raised catholic. he's replaced a bible for a medical textbook, replaced a stringent teacher and/or father with his surrogate father figure, who so happens to be the figurehead of chase's career in medicine, analogous to a church. good stuff.

it's wilson's preaching that breaks through to house on 2 fronts, both of which implicate cameron in the scene i've already mentioned. during fruitless interviews, it's very clear that house is looking for nobody but cameron, a way that he can a) preserve his normal and b) be around cameron, ofc, because he likes/cares for her. superficially, wilson is motivating house to be honest with cameron for once so he can stop indulging his habit of pushing people away.

but wilson also makes the point to broaden the conversational horizons (love you and your moralizing platitudes, honey). he clarifies that house has "a history" of pushing people away and that he's talking about "every woman you've ever given a damn about!" in the face of house's jabs over perfection, he warns that "you're gonna wind up alone, house."*

this speech doesn't solve the problem entirely, ofc, but it points house in the right direction, and he finds solace/confirmation of his next steps in the patient, mary. mary is steeling herself in the face of horrifying circumstances - being traumatically pregnant at 12 years old - and insists that her parents, her team, don't need to know what she's going through. house preserves her privacy, but sees her give in to her parents just before he goes back to cameron's house:

house sees the strength in mary and, due to this show's hilarious habit of equating life-altering medical trauma to petty interpersonal issues, is inspired to be honest and "ask for help" in his own way. with that in mind, i like what house brings to the table when he returns to cameron. he's reflected and grown and saved a kid's life along the way. the understanding that, though he may technically be strong enough to subsist alone, he doesn't always have to, is pretty profound. too bad he won't hang onto it lol.

i need to shout out cuddy, like always, for 1) managing this absolute hellacious situation in her hospital; 2) putting up with house and wilson's shit the entire time; and 3) immediately understanding the urgency when house explains that the patient is bleeding into her brain and forcing open an operating room for her. i love that cuddy's strong instincts are such an integral part of her character, such that i find myself taking them for granted sometimes.

overall? neat episode. again i apologize for the splurge of negativity in there. i like what the house/cameron arc says for them by its end, but it is Taking Too Long for me.

major hilson posting below (i would put another 'read more' section break if i could!):

*okay so what's crazy about the "you're gonna wind up alone, house" exchange is not that it ends up being just NEARLY true, but wilson's emphasis on women. idc if i'm grasping at straws that haven't even been manufactured yet because it's still season 1. in the conversation, they're talking around each other; wilson is trying to pin house down amidst all his attempts at obfuscating, but wilson is physically moving through the scene, working, driving the dialogue:

i have made MANY posts (lots during my live blogging era) of how house and wilson often invert visual shot compositions/dynamics. in their case, usually whoever is seated and looking up is in charge of the conversation, and the person trailing behind is usually the subject of the conversation (think 4x14). and here's how the conversation plays out (with some omissions for brevity):

"you always find some tiny little flaw to push people away."

"...when i do decide to push you away, i hope there's a small person kneeling behind you so you fall down and hit your head." this is crazy btw. think of all the people house subsumes in wilson's life.

"you had the perfect person. and you blew it."

"cameron is so not perfect."

"well nobody's perfect."

wilson being house's imperfect "good side" holds weight here. nobody is perfect, admitted by the faulty personification of that perfection meant to contrast house at every turn but, again, forever failing in that regard. even visually the roles have been assigned - wilson's prestine white coat vs. house's sloppy black coat.

we have also now firmly established that these 2 have seen each other thru many failed relationships, and in an episode defined by the loss of one (house's relationship to cameron), i think this is relevant. in a conversation about house's tendency to remove people from his life, the audience has a subtle laugh about how these 2 seem to be eternal friends despite that tendency, and it's wilson who genders things. wilson introduces the subject of women, even though they interviewed a male candidate earlier.

what i'm getting at is that wilson is house's perfect person, of course. i think 1x19 builds a funny, unimportant setup for this subtextual joke really well, actually, but if i break my own rules and invite outside context into this post, this joke stands the test of time.

[urloversdreamgrl]

15 Things I Enjoyed About Season 4 🐻

After my second watch of S4, I actually liked it. Compared to S3, it feels like a step in the right direction. It does make you wonder if what happened in S1 and S2 were lightening in a bottle. Nothing's perfect, so I have my qualms, but for now, let's focus on the positive.

Anywho, in no particular order, a couple of things that gave me joy!

(spoilers ahead, chefs)

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1. Ayo Edebriri as THE Sydney Adamu

I cannot speak the praises of Ayo Edebiri enough for me. We know the girl is funny, but her dramatic scenes! She really sucked me in and kept me there. I really admire her work ethic and how you can tell she cares about honing her craft both on and off screen. To me, she gave such a stand-out performance this season. Brava!

Plus, all I wanted from last season was a Sydney-centric focus. I was hoping for just an episode, but she took a way bigger role this time around. It's about time!

And thank you for finally giving Syd her flowers. She's been the heart of the whole restaurant staff since Episode 1, and I'm just glad that they acknowledged that canonically. Not a kinder soul than Ms. Adamu.

2. S4:E4 Worms

Ayo Edebiri and Lionel Boyce wrote the fuck outta that episode. It felt so tender and funny, gave us insight into Syd's internal and private life while also helping her character arc along. Shoutout to Lionel for pushing through his fears and accepting Ayo's offer to co-write. Hoping this open more doors for both of them in the future

I have to give up for the super talented Danielle Deadwyler. She had me cracking up the whole episode as Chantel. Everything felt so real and nature. This whole episode felt like home to me truly. Also Arion King as TJ is such a cutie pie. Hoping this isn't the last time we see Syd's folks. Manifesting an Adamu family party next season (hopefully), so we can see how they get down!

And thank you, Ayo and Lionel, for making my girl unapologetically Black. May their pillows be cool FOREVER!

3. Emmanuel Survives

Fuck them for trying to kill Robert Townsend (who needs to be on my screens more pronto)! I'm going to talk later about Syd and how the show decided to comfort her through this, but for now, that scene where father and daughter are reunited made me cry. Emmanuel's little tear over his baby's head. This relationship to me is so special because Syd really won the dad lottery, and Emmanuel won the daughter lottery.

I'm hoping next season we have Syd finally confiding in and truly opening up to her dad, and her dad being receptive and supportive in a way that I know he can.

4. SydRichie

To my SydRichies, y'all got feed tooooo good. Congratulations! Can't wait to see all the edits. It's crazy to see how their relationship evolved, and I'm so happy about where they are right now. Syd stabbed him just to be his plus-one to his ex-wife's wedding. Girl, Season 1, I thought Richie was irredeemable. Now, I'm rooting for him. That's the beauty of healing and leading with compassion and kindness.

5. Less Montages

Can we just fill this room with thank yous? Rewatching S3, it felt like the whole season was one big montage. Now, I liked some of them, but they should be used in moderation. The Bear tends to meander a lot which I think messes with the pacing, but this season felt like it was closer to finding a balance.

6. Them Gays 🏳️‍🌈

Happy Pride Month to the staff at The Bear, but specifically, Natalie and Chester. I, too, would freak out if my best "friend" was working along side a hot, talented, kind, and charming man in a cramped space, brushing against each other while making the most delicious desserts known to man.

Plus, of course, Nat had a homoerotic friendship turn sour, and of course, it was with Brie Larson lol. Bisexual women, stand up! Honorable mention to Syd's bisexual lightning when she's making them scallops.

7. Carmy Apologizing and Being Honest

It's about time. I was just as gagged as Sydney when Carmen started making her work life a bit easier by putting his ego aside. This is a really good start to him healing himself and to help heal some of the folks he harmed. Emotional regulation is important, and I'm hoping that it continues for him. And I hope that he heals his relationship to cooking. Also, heal his relationship with Syd because after the season finale, she has absolutely no trust (or maybe even good will) towards him anymore; that relationship is his most severed.

8. MarLuca + SydLuca

I'll take Marcus and Luca's relationship every which way. Two adorable, kind-hearted, and sensitive men working on bringing the sweetness of life to people. Perfect, I want 11 of them right now. When they are together, it just like magic to me. You want to talk about true mentorship and friendship? That's them. You want to talk about them being romantic and doing the nasty? I'm listening uwu.

Then I'm thankful for the crumb of Syd and Luca that we got. Just imagine in S5 (if there is one. hopefully), we see these three plus Tina make beautiful magic in that kitchen of love, expression, and understanding. Also, manifesting a love triangle a la Brandy and Monica's "That Boy is Mine" fanfic with Marcus, Syd, and Luca. I need that mess.

9. Richie and Tiffany's Dance

I love Richie and Tiffany's relationship. I love how Richie's journey allows him to earnestly work through his issues so he can still be a family with Tiff and Eva. Although, it looks a bit different.

10. Syd's Wedding Outfit

Syd looked tooo good in this two piece set. The colors and the way it is illuminates her figure. Dare I say -- best dressed? Thank you, Courtney Wheeler.

11. Gary THEE Sommelier + Tina's Dish

I'd trust him with my life. Plus, I loved seeing more of him, and how dedicated he is in learning something new. That's the same reason why I loved seeing Tina making her own dishes at home. These two inspire me. It's never too late to learn something new, and it's courage to keep trying and trying until you get it right. Plus, Tina and her hubbie are such cuties.

12. Marcus & Food and Wine's Best New Chef

At first, I was disappointed that Syd didn't receive the honor. When they kept mentioning her scallop dish, I thought it was her time to shine. However, once I got over my disappointment, I scream! Marcus come-up is crazy!

Mind you, he started at McDonald's, then started making bread, then taught himself how to make cakes and donuts. Went to Copenhagen and learned technique and got better. His mother passes, and he honors her in the most special and healthy of ways. He honors Mickey and Syd in similar ways, too. He's a hard worker, super imaginative/creative, and deserving. I love my Black Boy Baker!

13. Donna's Recovery

I've seen some critiques about how dangerous it can be to not value "no-contact" relationships. I feel that, and I advise everyone to do what feels good and safe to them.

I'm actually in awe of her sobriety and how she's navigated reconnecting to those she's harmed. She's not offended when people become tense or defensive around her, and she's not expecting any miraculous reunions. As a child of an alcoholic who has had to navigate a relationship while my parent is working on bettering themselves, I admire Jamie Lee Curtis's depiction of Donna Berzatto.

People can change. I feel if your eldest son (or any close person in your life) commits, then you should change. You better search inside yourself and work on yourself, especially if you want to help/protect the rest of your loved ones.

I, also, respect Carmy's hesitancy and anxiety. Donna is very traumatizing and triggering, and her parenting helped set a standard for Carmen. He stayed with Chef David and other abusive kitchens, and he replicated that environment because he associated authority with abuse and emotional deregulation. I hope as he works on himself, and maybe his relationship with his mom, he recognizes that he is capable and worthy of peace and love.

14. This Song

Y'all don't understand the connect that me and this song shares. It plays during the scene where Richie makes it snow for the family, and it literally brought me to tears. I've listened to it everyday since, and the album is really something. The lyrics are so touching and the chorus is truly the epitome of what this season is:

'Cause I know that you've been waiting Been such a long time you've been waiting And only you know where you have been to Only you know what you have been through There's better things you're gonna get into And I wanna be there too You know I do

Storer, you can barely write multiple fleshed-out, congruent storylines, but you and Josh Senior know how to pick out a song.

15. S4:E10 Goodbye

Ayo, JAW, and Ebon did what needed to be done. I felt all of that: the anger, sadness, regret, frustration, fear, relief, everything. Now, do I agree that Carmen should leave the restaurant? No, I want him to stay, follow through, and fall in love with cooking again even after they pay off the debt (and stop dumping Syd with his messes when his emotions need managing). However, I, also, see his point. He does need a change.

Richie and Carmy finally have the talk that's been brewing since S1:E1 System. Carmy finally takes his sister's advice and starts processing his emotions instead of running away. Syd finally lays into him. Thank you Lord! Omg, that was so cathartic. Once again, Ayo's acting! Her fear-fury mess. She really sold Sydney's heartbreak. My shayla.

Plus, Carm and Richie trying to get Syd to put the cigarette down? Iconic. I’ve rewatched this episode so many times now, and the sydcarmy of it all, the anguish, the breaking, the distance this has exuberated. Can’t wait for the fics and the meta. Omg omg omg



[pookietv]

encore! | arthur hill

literally got this ask like a couple hours but i had ideas for it so figured the dedication to the grind was worth it :)

been so long since i've written a smau, so i hope you enjoy! i may be slightly rusty

liked by yourinstagram, arthurtv and 7,389 others

arthurnfhill: the kill hill tour has started better than i could have ever asked for :)

georgeclarkeey: who is that sexy man on stage??

↳ arthurnfhill: can't wait for you to be my sexy groupie at the london show

username3: KILL HILL IS GONNA BE SO GOOD!!!!

username4: can't wait for manchester omg

liked by shannonlangdon, arthurnfhill and 6,093 more

yourusername: soooo what if i said i was impulsively dropping a song tomorrow night because i need to get the song off my chest and i can't wait until the supposed release date of next month ...?

it's called francis forever, and it's brought me a lot of peace to throw myself into completely making this song over the past few weeks

ANYWAYS here's a presave link if you care about that sort of thing,

hope you enjoy!

love, y/n.

jamesmarriott: we're getting SPOILED with another y/n banger

↳ yourusername: how do you know banger you haven't even heard yet ??? hmmm???

↳ jamesmarriott: you only drop bangers and thats FACTUAL

taliamar: UGH you are my icon

↳ yourusername: thats funny cause you're mine ???

username5: my heart is BREAKING at the caption

username6: omg if this is a breakup song i will do something violent.

liked by chrismd, georgeclarkeey and 7383 others

arthurnfhill: i can't believe there is only four more shows of the kill hill tour - feels like i was waiting forever for the tour to come around and now its almost done just like that!

chrismd: london show night one and two rolling around real quick

↳ arthurnfhill: missed me in the flat?

↳ chrismd: all you did before you left was mope around so not much change

arthurtv: my goat

↳ arthurnfhill: can't wait to see the number one most popular arthur on famous birthdays in person again

username7: CAN'T WAIT FOR LONDON SHOWS

username8: manchester was AMAZING omg

liked by arthurnfhill, georgeclarkeey and 5739 others

yourusername: as requested - my one night only london show! it was amazing to see so many of you guys there, makes this whole music thing so much more surreal :,)

username9: girl are you just gonna ignore the fact that ARTHUR AND GEORGE WERE THERE ???

↳ username10: for REAL my delusional y/nthur ass is going into OVERDRIVE

arthurnfhill: was a great night, glad i got to catch the show :)

↳ username11: oh you guys are TWISTED dropping comments like this

↳ username12: literally still in love i am not hearing any different.

bambinobecky: can i be ur biggest fan?

↳ yourusername: anyday sexy ;)

username13: the fact she scheduled it just a couple days before his london dates so arthur could make it ..... coincidence ???

liked by arthurtv, yourusername and 6290 others

mummysboypod: Mum, did you miss me on tour?

The NEW episode of Mummy's Boy is now live - with Arthur and Lisa discussing Arthur's life on tour, from crazed fans to drunken nights!

Link in bio!

liked by yourusername, arthurtv and 6380 others

arthurnfhill: i still cannot believe kill hill is over!! i will miss seeing all of you lovely people and playing you my silly songs

arthurtv: what does slay mean and why do women keep shouting it at you?

↳ arthurnfhill: because i ATE arthur

↳ arthurtv: you ate me?

username14: TOUR WAS SO INCREDIBLE!!!

username15: y/n being in the crowd was NOT. a coincidence

username16: is y/nthur back????

username17: you seemed SO much happier towards end of tour

username18: DUBLIN MISSES YOU ALREADY !!!

liked by georgeclarkeey, arthurnfhill and 9374 others

yourusername: in musical terms... you could call this an encore?

username19: IMAGINE REANNOUNCING Y/NTHUR IN THE MOST ICONIC WAY POSSIBLE.

georgeclarkeey: i think everyone clocked when you were love heart eyeing him the whole concert

↳ yourusername: well you also did that and no one has realised yet?

↳ georgeclarkeey: it's MY bed he comes back to sweetie

lisahull_hill: you both have the sweetest smiles

↳ yourusername: LISA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH

↳ arthurnfhill: yourusername i believe you said 'more than i missed you by a long shot' ??

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Screw everything else inject On1y into my damn veins

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 5-6 of 12 - Extreme introvert dealing with a very hot, very drunk, very affectionate extrovert was an excellent experience all around. “I was drunk and talking out of my ass, but I wasn’t lying” maybe one of the world’s greatest confessions. How meta that he’s checking out the book of the story that he’s in. Carry on boys, very enjoyable, very Thai BL.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 12 fin - It’s cute. They are all very cute. I do like it when high school BL gives us a coming out sequence. I know it’s old-fashioned, but it’s a trope that goes with this particular setting really well, and I just like it when it’s done nicely. I’m not sure I needed it to totally dominate the final episode of the series. But it was fine.

I gotta say, Fourth is an absolutely outstanding actor. He really did knocked it out of the park in this last episode especially. 

In conclusion:

It was fine and it was charming, but it was also a little lackluster. Thailand managed to take one of Japan's softest cutest most bonkers BLs in recent memory and make it softer and cuter and... dull. They did this by watering it down. JBLs almost always have an edge to them, even the rom-coms, by dulling the edge, MLMU lost a great deal of the sparkle and tension as well. What an office setting managed to mostly maintain in the consummate hands of TayNew felt somewhat lackluster when handed off to the next generation and a high school setting. Cherry Magic was a lovely reinterpretation, Mix Up was an amateur's watercolor rendition of a colorful oil painting. Am I being harsh? G4 tried their best, and Fourth turned in some outrageously good acting in the latter half. But the show? It was fine. If you like water colors and you haven't seen (and loved) Kieta Hatsukoi. 8/10

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 fin - This was the first hint we got that the lead's relationship was anything more than sexual. And it was utilized for a breakup?! JJ and Wan's friendship is the best thing about this show. PWan selling JJ out to Methas was great. I was modestly delighted by the big fuck off ownership engagement ring. I admire a boy who likes to mark his territory with bling. I actually thought this was a decent final episode. If very rushed. I know, in general this ending was objectively weak, but I grinned the entire time, so I can’t really complain that much.

Final thoughts?

A story about a kid who infiltrates a cooking competition under false pretenses and then has to deal with the consequences when he falls in love with the head chef. The side couple is a poor little rich boy meets physical therapist (morality chain). The core friendships are excellent and the chemistry cannot be faulted across the (charcuterie) board. What this show lacks in substance it makes up for in health code violations. It was all chili all the time. Considering that the plot centered on betrayal but the romantic relationship never sweetened enough to balance that bitterness; one could be forgiven for throwing this one in the compost. But I got over all its weaknesses in flavor balancing for an ultimately satisfying meal, with a great dessert course. I've always loved spicy food. Plus the blooper reels were fantastic. 8/10

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 2 of 10 - I like the side couple a lot. It’s nice to see that dynamic developed (as it wasn't in the CBL version). Of course, Thailand leans into a secondary couple, but I also like the super popular jock + geeky boy who couldn’t care less. You know what? I’m actually really enjoying this. And yes, I AM biased because it's August. (Wait, that could be taken several different ways this month. But you know what I mean.) Anygay, this is a lot softer than the original, and so Hero is much more of a pining character and less harsh. But I'm still enjoying it. I like the stepbrothers trope (we don’t get it very much from Thailand), and I enjoy the beats and pulses of this particular story. We will see if it derails into inconsequence and lack of conflict the way My Love Mixup did.  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - I’m enjoying this show but it should’ve been just 10 eps. It’s feeling bloated at this juncture. That said, I loved our little GL kiss. Very pretty. I also really like the bit with Sam and Yo flirting with each other. Sam trying to get Yo to call him P'Sam was fucking brilliant. And then slipping in all of those nongs. Delightful. Linguistic negotiation, it's what's for dinner... along with Sam's d**k apparently. I frankly did not think they would take this couple that far. So, thank you very much everybody involved.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 4 of 12 - I do enjoy watching Yim freak out and fall in love all over again. The reality is still better for me than the fantasy parts, but it’s all fun enough. The magic mushrooms bit was odd. In fact, there is definitely a core tenor of ODD going on with the show. Which I’m accustomed to from Japan but I’m not really sure about from Thailand. Thus I remain engaged but suspicious of this BL. 

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - Yu wants to take his baby on a trip, gets thwarted by his younger brother. Ouch. I really do think it’s time for Ai to tell Yu what’s going on with his dreams! Drunken boyfriend bolster pillow is a fav trope of mine. As usual, I’m catching second lead syndrome. What? I liked the rich boy badminton player. And then he picked up a guitar. Oh well.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - No one cares about the hets. He was jelly? Cute. Also kinda an arse, by hey this is BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - announced in 2023, high school, stepbrothers, and is reputed to be high heat. Based on a novel Mou Mou + the Your Name Engraved Herein team.

ARE YOU READY? I'M GOING TO NOT SO QUIETLY LOSE MY DAMN MIND

This is old-school BL and it’s bloody fantastic. Tsundere seme to beat all tsundere (smartest + tallest + bestest at everything but people) meets socially-ept cutie smart-ass protag.

They living together by end of ep 1 and start kissing by end of ep 2.

There is an Unknown quality to this, and that I love. Also, and ironic to say this while Addicted Heroin Th is airing, but this REALLY reminds me of Addicted. It’s so fucking good. I am all in on this show. Shut up while this eats my life.

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 5-6 of 8 - Of course! The POV shift to the seme character at ep 5! How could I forget? Japan loves this beat! AND.... The running of the gays. And a use of a first name! So darling. Also some crazy great communication and conversation that is NOT a hallmark of Japan. Sahashi is so very possessive. I loved the switch that went on in his brain and the mania in his eyes when he thought someone else was interested in Natsume. I continue to love this.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m never going to like Maya. Sorry. And the leads were separated for most of this episodes so it was largely disappointing. I did like the insight into the way T sees the world, and sees the alienation of a disability and what it's dong to his friend. It’s very empathic. He’s such an appealing character in his obtuse bull-headed way.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 2 of 8 - It’s intriguing, and I'm happy to have anything from Korea on my dash. But, like Blue Boys, I’m not entirely sure if I like it or not.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 3-4 of 12 - This may be Taiwan but I’m still in the "no singing" camp. I’m getting a slightly better chemistry feel off the leads in this episode. I’m not sure if they’re keeping it stiff because the younger character is under age or if it’s just that the actors aren’t there yet? (In other words is this a directing choice or a performance issue?)

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I've finally come down firmly on the fact that it’s the uneven power distribution (in terms of interest and enthusiasm for the relationship) that I dislike about this show. Generally, I like a power dynamic differential, kinky and all that. But this particular dynamic, when it’s the weaker personality that’s so much more into the stronger one? I never like it, unless it engages a serious pivot at some point. (See My Personal Weatherman or Takara & Amagi.)

It's airing but...

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 3 of 10 - I was really loving this one but I can't find ep 3 anywhere so I guess I gotta wait it out. I hope I get to see it eventually.

4 Minutes (Sat Gaga) eps 1-6 of 8 - Gaga picked this one up so we can watch it there. If I have time, I'll get caught up and put it into rotation.

In case you missed it

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming Next Month:

The Time of Fever (Korea)

9/1 Live in Love (Thai)

9/3 Happy of the End (Japan)

9/6 Kidnap (Thai)

9/7 The Hidden Moon (Thai)

9/9 Jack & Joker (Thai)

9/14 Love Sick 2024 (Thai)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan)

More deets next week. It's late and I'm tired.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

It was pretty. I am very shallow.

Even more pretty. Petition to have Tenon with his shirt off and hair back in every subsequent Thai BL? Just because.

(SunsetXVibes)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 12 The Siren’s trick

Chapter 12 of Moonlight

A/N- Welcome back Margaery Tyrell and Sansa Stark

Warning- Swearing, talks of death, and sexual harassment, ANGST!!, fluff, SPOILERS, ser gwayne (tehe), LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader, Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode- Only part of 2x03

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

—Cregan this might be a cold continuation from what I was previously writing, but it cannot be helped. I did not want to leave you waiting, and I did not want you to hear rumors about me. And really, you are the only person I can tell what I’m about to say.

This will be my first and last letter. I am returning to King’s Landing, to infiltrate the Greens on Daemon’s behalf. I did not want to, I had told my mother I was not going, but just tonight they sent someone to kill her in her sleep, she got saved, but I cannot stay here and do nothing when I can be on the other side and be the thing she needs to win this war.

I might be killed, or I might not. I do not know, it’s a risk I am willing to take for my Queen. And if I am killed and this is the last time I ever talk to you, thank you. For everything…

I left my mother a note, I apologized for leaving and bestowing her with even more worry. I told her that I’m willing to do anything to help her get her throne back. Yet the one thing I did not tell her was how scared I am to return.

I’m terrified. I’m truly terrified. I knew fear, I felt it when I was in labor, but this fear I feel now is new, grander, and more horrifying, but it’s my duty to leave and help my Queen even if I have to leave behind all that I ever wanted.

I hope we see each other again. Take care of your boy.

Love, yours truly, your Darling.

“I know I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you apologize to Aerion as he begins to whine after being woken up when you take him from his cradle. “<But we’re going to see your father, hm?>” You try to assure him Valyrian so the guards outside don’t hear and go alert your brother or your mother.

And even if you don’t think Aerion would quite understand what you offer him in return for waking him up, he actually smiles faintly in response before he settles against your chest as you cradle him against you.

Luckily the guards don’t question why you’re taking your child out so late at night, they don’t care that you’re dressed in a different gown than the one you just wore earlier. They watch you scurry away in a hurry without as much as a single comment which will probably get them in trouble with your mother when she finds out you're gone, but they don’t know you’re disobeying her and sneaking off Dragonstone to go into enemy territory.

No one knows, you told no one to make it easier on you

and on them, and also so nobody would try to stop you; even if not so deep below the surface you’re hoping someone will catch you rushing down the corridors and stop you. You don’t want to leave, you don’t want to be under Aegon’s rule now that he’s king and no one can truly tell him what to do. Before he would already get away with commenting stupid shit when Aemond wasn’t around you, and your friend and handmaiden Vanessa was spared from his tactics because you would tell him to leave her alone, but now that he has superior control and power?

But then there’s also Aemond. You don’t want to face Aemond. You don’t want to look into his eye and pretend you’re okay with the heartbreak he caused you and your family. You don’t want to sleep next to the man who killed your brother, and no matter the gaping hole in your chest, you don’t want to let him touch you in the most intimate way. Most importantly you don’t want to leave your family again. You want to stay, you want to fight amongst them.

You want someone to catch you mid-escape and stop you.

Someone. Anyone.

You get closer and closer to the cave's mouth where the dragons come and go, where you’ll find Astraea and Vanessa waiting, and still, no one comes out from the darkness of their rooms, and no guards question why you’re strapping Aerion to your chest as you rush down the corridors.

You’re only paces away. Moments from reaching your dragon, and finally you run into a presence.

“Grandmother,” you mouth breathlessly and finish securing your child’s straps.

Your grandmother looks you up and down, realizing your gown is not one used to sleep, and Aerion is too secure around you to just be heading for a stroll. You’re up to something and she’s the only one to notice.

“Granddaughter,” she greets and glances out the window in the distance to double-check that it is in fact still nightfall. “Why are you not abed?”

You swallow thickly and even if you hope she stops you in your attempts, you interject with your argument. “The Queen got attacked by Ser Arryk, who pretended to be his twin.”

Your grandmother nods. “I heard. That’s why I am here. Is her Grace all right?”

You nod lightly. “Shaken, but okay…I have to do this,” you continue blurting in your defense. “I have to do what Daemon told me to do in hopes that it will be my mother's path to her rightful throne.”

Your grandmother nods again but this time it’s a much more gentle nod as her face fills with concern yet also shows slivers of pride.

“I don’t want to return to King’s Landing, I don’t want her to feel like I abandoned her, but if it stops more of the people I love from dying or getting hurt, and if it gets her on that throne then I have to try,” you share without making it a question because under your hesitation you believe what you say.

“Don't stop me,” you lie and internally shout the opposite with tears clouding your eyes, but not falling because you fight them back to try and look confident. “It’s the right thing to do. And I’m the only one who can do it.”

Your grandmother holds your gaze and right away reads you like a book; she sees your fear, she notices how you plead with your eyes to be stopped, but she also sees your desperation to help, she sees your determination, and your hunger to do more. She sees a warrior, a woman she’s proud of, and she can’t say no to that because she knows that beyond all that fear you’re desperate to help.

“They’re snakes,” she speaks sweetly but with confidence so you could feel the same. “And you’re a dragon. Always remember that.”

You draw in a deep breath and nod slowly. She approaches you and grabs your face, making you look her in the eyes and see the pride she feels for you.

“If you ever find yourself in trouble send me a raven or whatever it is you can. Meleys and I will be there as soon we can, okay?”

You nod in comprehension and grab a hold of her hands as if your life depends on it.

“I love you, grandmother. I will see you again,” you muster to say with a tender smile and no tears.

“I love you too,” she redirects as she caresses your cheeks. “Be careful.”

After one last lingering look you pull away before you’re caught by someone who will stop you, and step out into the cave still hoping the same, but feeling more empowered now to leave and play your part.

The feeling of being so close to the stars does have a way of calming the nervousness that has your hands trembling and ties your stomach into knots. The sight of the glimmering sea basked by the moon's light does help you escape your terrorizing fear and feel at peace, like all you’re doing is taking a late night flight, admiring the stars from the heavens, and answering the sea's call. It's easy to find your resolution in the tranquility, now rather than panic, the belief that your path will lead you right back to Jacaerys, your mother, your grandparents, and your cousins makes you feel at ease over your choice. This is also why you’re leaving, after all, to be with them in a better world.

Yet just as your breaths are calm, and your heart eases to its normal resting beat, the moment you see the crowded and lively city, the large castle on that cliff, and notice all the eyesores that are the Scorpions aligned the top of the wall, your stomach twists tighter to the point you feel like vomiting, your heart pounds faster, and your chest tightens which is a new and unwelcoming change.

“DRAGON!” You hear the echoes of men coming from below as they all work hard to point the scorpions at Astraea calmly coming to a stop so they don’t have the audacity to shoot her.

“Vanessa,” you say and peer over your shoulder. “Wave the white flag so they know we’re no trouble.”

You then glance down at your aware child and caress the back of his little head. “<We’re almost to your father, okay?>” You whisper to Aerion before you press a light feathered kiss on his head. “<You should be sleeping though, hm?>”

Aerion has learned to blow raspberries thanks to his uncle's Viserys and Aegon, so he responds with spit all over your chest.

“<Lovely,>” you mutter, but then again it beats getting peed on. Which he has done, a lot, luckily most times Aemond is the victim of his son's incidents.

“Okay,” Vanessa steals your attention as she grabs onto one of your shoulders to wave the white flag you made sure to bring for this exact purpose.

However, in the midst of waving the flag of peace, and while some guards hesitantly drop their threatening aim, a large arrow is shot at Astraea unbeknownst to you or Vanessa. It comes whizzing at you as the flag continues to be waved in the sky, but luckily, thanks to the gods, Astraea notices the arrow coming at her from the corner of her watchful eye and jolts down before taking a sharp turn.

You let out a shocked gasp whilst also becoming alert of all your surroundings, and Vanessa throws herself on your back to keep herself secured.

The arrow aimed at your dragon's neck luckily flies past you and her thanks to your dragon's efforts, yet missing doesn’t spare your dragon's fury that mirrors yours.

“<Stupid idiots,> you grimace and snap your glare at the men who are to blame, finding them confused but also alert. They don’t see your piercing glare, but your dragon mirrors it before she lets out a loud and furious guttural roar.

“<Astraea,” you call out and lean down as much as you can to caress her side. “Calm down. Calm down, girl.>” you coo in High Valyrian in hopes she’ll listen, but she’s too clouded with anger, after all, she knows you didn’t come with intentions of fighting, and she knows that Vanessa and baby Aerion are straddled on her so she begins to circle around as she shakes her head and keeps throwing out angry shrieks.

“<Astraea,” you call again without losing your patience. “calm down. Calm down. We’re okay. You saved us. We’re okay, calm down girl.>”

Astraea finishes her circle and opens her mouth, letting out low chitters as she prepares to blast out fire at the men responsible.

“<Calm,” you coo and pat her. “Calm, my girl. We’re fine. We’re safe. Calm.>”

Astraea slowly closes her mouth and peers over to meet your gaze and assure herself that you and those with you are fine.

“<We’re okay,>” you assure her and pass her the same emotion with your eyes.

Astraea holds your gaze for a moment longer before she looks ahead at the same time you do.

“Are you okay, Vanessa?” You make sure to ask in the common tongue as you let out a deep and relieved breath.

“Yes, Princess,” she assures you. “Aerion?”

You glance down at your son and see him smiling which probably means he found Astraea’s antics amusing.

“He’s fine,” you say with relief of your own and caress the back of his head while noticing that all the guards now drop their aim and depart from the Scorpions, letting you push your handles forward to nudge Astraea down.

Nevertheless, when Astraea is descending to the ground, just past the Iron Gate, all those nervous and uneasy feelings come rushing back after you were rattled with fear and anger over acts of stupid people who don’t know what white flags mean.

When your feet hit the ground though, and you see castle guards already waiting for you by the gates, all those feelings that overwhelm you, increase tenfold. Now your blood pumps so hard that it interferes with your sight.

“I have renounced the…false Queen Rhaenyra,” you hide the strain in your voice as you say words you don’t mean, before also saying words that actually hurt you to say. “I have come to pledge my loyalty to King Aegon.”

The guards look at one another with confusion so you interject. “Where is Ser Criston Cole? Why is he not here to greet me?”

A commander steps forward and raises his head before he fills their silence without giving you the answer you sought. “Give us your weapons, Princess, and come with us.”

You shrug the satchel of arrows and your bow off your shoulders before grabbing your gown's skirt and pulling it up, making the man look away and miss the dagger you had strapped around your thigh. Once he sees the weapon land at his feet he meets your gaze again.

“I request an audience with the King, and my husband,” you demand with your nose in the air as the men pick up your weapons.

“They were alerted of your arrival,” the guard says and steps back to point ahead.

Before you walk past the gates you scoff and sass him. “Was my husband alerted of the incompetence of your men on the wall, Ser? A white flag means what?”

The man swallows thickly and lowers his head as he doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Surrender or a request for parley.”

You feign a dry laugh and nod. “Yes, yet an arrow was shot at my dragon whilst my son and my handmaiden rode with me. I will have all the names of the squadron who shot that arrow.”

The guard nods and steals a glance back at your dragon still behind you, growling as she watches for any wrong moves that might be made.

“Come with us, Princess,” the guard finally guides you forward and you’re hastily helped in a carriage that rushes you inside the castle walls where you’re immediately repulsed by the green and gold banners that are plastered everywhere.

The sight of them actually saves you from your torment, but only for a little because once you’re inside you’re slammed with all your emotions and you can’t help how your eyesight only seems to focus on what’s directly ahead of you. Everything else is swallowed by darkness as all your senses falter, and your heart and blood pound.

A part of you immediately expects to get ambushed once you walk into the throne room, and another part of you fears being greeted by Aemond alone because you know he won’t delay, he would come straight down the moment he was told of your sudden and ominous arrival. You would worry over Aegon, but it’s still dark out, and you can’t imagine he dropped all his temptations because he was bestowed with a great purpose, so you know for certain he won’t be waiting for you upon the throne.

Nonetheless, when you hold Vanessa’s hand in anticipation and approach the welcoming throne room, all you actually see is an empty hall and an empty seat.

Hundreds of candles light the hall, but it doesn’t make the throne room feel less unsettling. You once used to feel unbothered by the great room, after all, this was your home, you knew the meaning this room held, but you could never say you felt awe. It was another room. Now though, you feel uneasy like, when you walk into a stranger's home. Most of the hall has remained unchanged, besides the banners and large statue of your grandfather King Viserys in construction, but besides that, it's remained the same. Yet you can’t help but feel at odds.

You don’t like the ill feeling, you don’t like that besides the guards and Vanessa, the throne room is lonely. It only works to worsen what you already feel. It only makes the Throne Room seem dark.

You’re consumed by darkness and it makes you want to run and return home where it’s warm and surrounded by those you love. You want to leave. You shift your feet to storm away without any thought, but at that precise moment, the throne room doors open once again, welcoming in a shining light that casts on the ground and rolls down to your feet.

You expect a rowdy greeting from the King, but in the silence you capture the shadow of a tall and slender figure get painted on the ground instead. Now you need no help figuring out who the shadow belongs to, you know who it is without having to look back. Just like you recognize the sound of his footsteps as they climb down the steps.

You would know his footsteps blind and deaf, by the mere vibrations that strike the ground. You could recognize him by just his alluring scent, by his breaths as they furl in and out of his body. He doesn’t need to speak for you to know that it’s your husband, it’s Aemond.

He was the light that filled this hall and unwantedly calmed down your urgency to run.

And as if attracted to the light, you look back. Every muscle in your body yells at you to not look, your mind shouts at you to avert your gaze, but your bleeding heart can’t resist, it makes you look back to see him; the man who killed your brother, your husband, your Aemond, surrounded by the very candlelight that attracted you.

He meets your gaze and you meet his, causing your heart to skip a beat, and a breath to escape past your lips, whilst you also capture the disbelief written so plainly all over his face. It's almost like he can’t believe you’re standing across from him, and how can he?

You look like a dream to him with the way the moonlight and all the stars shining through the large windows bask you in their luminous light, making you look like a beautiful deity. A divine angel sent to him from above with the blessing that is your child.

And how can he not expect you to be some otherworldly presence? He sent letters in hopes you could return home so he could explain what happened because he knows how much you love your brothers, but you never came. Not until now, here you are standing under the throne, watching him without missing a step, with betrayal, and heartbreak he can easily read off your face.

He expected anger, but all he sees is pain. Heart aching pain that sets his world off its axis.

He had hurt you before, six years ago, but not like this. Six years ago when he accidentally cut your face he saw disbelief and horror, pain too, but not like this, he never heard your silent ‘why?’ screams that your eyes shout out at this moment. He never saw sorrow droop your eyes like they do now, and his guilt for hurting you was never as tremendous as it is now.

He hurt you, the one who’s loved him like no one has before. The person who’s brought him only happiness, and a blessing in your son. That’s why he wants you to be angry because he did something he can’t take back—and he does expect you to be overcome with anger later, you’re not one to swallow it down for him. Yet right now all he sees is disbelief and agony that gets more and more painful the closer he gets to you, until finally, you rip your eyes away when he’s only a few feet away.

“Look,” you coo at Aerion with a smile and stinging tears brimming in your eyes. “Look who it is, my love.”

Aerion yawns back mindlessly since he can't pick up on your sadness, he just sees your smile that begins to fade as you pick him. When his eyes drift to the tall man getting closer to you though, that exhaustion that threatened to take him to sleep completely disappears. Instead, his face brightens the moment he sees Aemond, the father he’s longed to see since he left home.

Yet before Aemond can take Aerion in his arms, you halt your attempts to hand your child over when you catch the elegant silver armor of the Kingsguard gleaming against the candlelight as they approach from the far left end of the throne room. Only these Kingsguard members aren’t the ones from before, they’re new, younger, and probably stupider considering they’re Aegon’s drinking buddies.

You would want nothing more than to share a judgemental look with Aemond, but now that he’s closer you can’t even have your face turned his way; which is why you get the perfect view of the Usurper, the false King Aegon, trudging in after his dimwitted Kingsguard with his clothes unbuttoned, his hair unsettled, and his eyes red with exhaustion or something else you don't recognize. Either way, he doesn’t look Kingly, not even when he’s caught off guard, but you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt only because it’s the middle of the night—Unless he’s drunk that is…

“Your Grace,” you utter words that once brought you pride to say to your mother, but now bring you disgust to say to him. Even the thought of bending your knee is a struggle to think about, but you know that you won’t get far without showing the respect he wants to see, so you force yourself down to your knee to someone so undeserving.

Luckily he doesn’t sense that disgust, you mask your emotions well behind your sorrowful face set to hopefully gain their sympathy while you try to enchant them with your plea for mercy.

“So it is true,” Aegon breaks his silence while he slowly approaches you behind his Kingsguard, as if cautious that you would try anything with Aerion still in your arms. “You are here.” He scoffs and you catch a hint of amusement, but you’re left with nothing to do in the regard but pretend.

“I come to renounce the false Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen,” you swallow your pride and leave no pauses, even if you can feel yourself straining as it feels like you’re hurting your mother with such cruel words. “I come to pledge fealty to ward the King, as well as ask for his forgiveness.”

You pause and bow your head so he can feel pride and superior over your current state which is something you never once let him feel with you. Not until now.

“I come to beg for mercy and a second chance,” you go on and don’t stop even if you hear the main doors opening before two pairs of footsteps filter in to join the audience already gathered around you and your handmaiden; as if you were a spectacle to gawk over.

However, in many ways you are, who would’ve thought that Rhaenyra’s own daughter would leave her precious mother's side to join the enemy?

It was expected of you since your husband is part of the green faction, but Rhaenyra is still your mother, and you have had chances to leave her side already but you haven’t until now. Why?

That’s on everyone’s mind but yours, that’s why they watch you carefully and never let Aegon get too close.

“I saw my wrongdoings,” you continue to sing your plea with a soft and sweet voice. “I saw my mistake in trusting Rhaenyra. I cannot stand behind her, I cannot support her after what,” you swallow thickly and look up to meet Aegon’s surprised gaze. “…she did to Helaena and Jaehaerys.”

Aegon’s eyes harden and every form of amusement he had upon seeing you on one knee is lost and replaced by slow-burning anger that is so rare to see on him. Yet it does nothing to actually scare you.

“I'm sorry. Please forgive me, My King.”

Someone falls by your left side where Aemond stands as well, but you don't see who it is because you’re too focused on Aegon parting away from the safety of his Kingsguard to approach you with that same hardened gaze seething with anger.

“To your feet Sweet good-sister,” he rolls out as he also motions you up with his fingers.

You hesitate, but slowly push yourself to your feet, causing Aerion to squirm as sees his father again.

Aegon sees and his lips twitch before he smugly barks an order without letting you out of his sight. “Take the child.”

Your eyes widen and that sorrow you expressed turns to panic. “No!” You cry out and press Aerion against you to protect him from the reaching hands whilst you desperately look over at Aemond with no regard to your previous feelings that were just tormenting you and forbidding you from looking at him.

“He has no fault in this Aegon,” Aemond interjects right away, making you notice Ser Criston is the one by him since he moves in between Aemond when his sword hand twitches.

“Aegon,” you hear the Dowager Queen Alicent interject, giving away the fact that she was the second person who had walked in late.

You had wondered where she was, you’re sure she would’ve been told you were here right away. You suspected she would already be here waiting for you, but she came late.

“What?” Aegon chuckles and raises his hands. “I mean no harm to my nephew. He’s my brother's son. He’s just in the way.” He quips and makes sure to look at you with a new sense of smugness now that he has you rattled.

“No,” you remain defiant and glare at his Kingsguard slowly approaching you while also glancing over at Aemond seething and glaring daggers from the side—“I will not let them touch him. Not them.”

His Kingsguard stop as if they were listening to you and look over at Aegon in confusion as to what to do next. Especially because Aemond still stands there menacingly.

“I will take him,” Alicent volunteers instead of Aemond. “Give him to me,” she tells you and approaches you with her hands out.

You may not like her, but one thing is certain; whatever hatred she has for your mother is never redirected at Aerion, she seems to love him just as much as she loves Helaena’s children. And Aerion does love her too since he is more accustomed to her presence. It’s why after one kiss on your son's head you hand him to Alicent, and motion Vanessa with your eyes to stand by her.

“I never would have expected you of all people to return,” Aegon interjects, making you drift your gaze away from Aerion completely taken by his other grandmother, and refocus your attention on the man before you.

“Yet here you are begging for mercy.” He feigns a smile that falls quickly. “Why should I believe you?” His voice grows cold which contrasts his burning glare.

“Why…” he trails off and smiles tauntingly at the ground before he suddenly lunges at you and grabs you by the throat, but not tight enough for you to actually gasp for air. His grip is just wrapped around your throat.

Not like it matters to Aemond either way because he still reacts in the blink of an eye by trying to lunge at his brother. Albeit he gets stopped right away by Ser Criston; proving to you at that moment why Aemond hadn’t taken Aerion just now, he was more concerned about you and what Aegon had up his sleeve. And he has every right to worry because Aegon is daring now that he’s king, now that he has control and no one to really tell him to stop. He pulls out the Valyrian dagger that your grandfather Viserys would carry, and slowly brings the tip to your throat, making you fear him for the first time. Not because he’s terrifying, but because no one has threatened your life before.

“…shouldn’t I pluck your eyes out and send them to Rhaenyra?” He finishes what he was winding up to say. “Along with your head. Firstborn for firstborn, hm? That would be justice.”

Aegon is careful not to puncture your skin as he drags the tip of the dagger up your face, as if teasing you instead of threatening you.

“She killed my son, why shouldn’t I send her your head?” He sneers as he watches the way he moves the dagger up your cheek. “Unless it was you who sent them.”

The tip of the dagger is pressed against you so you're careful not to shake your head, even if you want to further get your defense across.

“No,” you immediately deny him even if you shouldn’t, you should stay quiet, but you can’t just stand quietly as he wounds you by throwing false accusations of something you would never do. “I would never hurt Helaena,” your voice quivers. “I-I love her. I would never hurt her. I would never hurt anyone’s child, I’m not a monster. I would never do that.”

Tears fall down your cheeks but Aegon wipes them away as he keeps moving the dagger up to bring the tip inches away from your eye, causing Aemond to groan and push back against Ser Criston’s arm.

“Let me talk to her,” Aemond interjects as Ser Criston digs his feet into the ground and fights back the prince's push forward. “I will talk to her Aegon.”

Said man scoffs and shakes his head. “No. Gods no. You’re too enamored by her,” he says and laughs. “She would just bat her eyes and you would let her go. You have always been too sweet on her. No. I will continue talking to her. If she behaves she will not get sent back to her mother. Do you understand?” He directs at you now and shifts his hand holding the dagger, causing the candlelight in the distance to reflect on the smooth metal, and entrapping your attention to the gleam before your focus gets entranced by the fires lit in the metal stands.

It’s just an arm's reach away, you can grab it and tilt it on him. Your hand wouldn’t burn, but he would. He would stop touching you and not be so close. It can work.

But the war wouldn’t end and you would only die or be locked away for certain. You can’t do it, you won’t. Thus you look back at his stupid smug face.

“I will spare your son's life because he’s my nephew, but you,” he presses and brings the knife back down to your throat. “You’re just another bitch—”

You clench your jaw, and Aemond grimaces, making Aegon’s smirk deepen.

“My brother would not do better, but there are plenty of bitches to choose from,” he remarks and starts to rub his thumb on your neck, making you stiffen and start to actually, deeply feel horror.

“Stop,” you plead quietly but loud enough that Aemond can hear. “Stop it.”

Aemond pushes back harder as he hears you, but Ser Criston still manages to hold his ground.

“Why should I not kill you now?” Aegon asks. “You’ve been parading about the Kingdom asking for other Lords' loyalty for your mother. You bent the knee to her. You have no real sense of loyalty.”

“I was wrong,” you repeat yourself. “I was blinded by my love for her, but I am not now. I see clearly now. You are the true King. I see that now. Besides, how could I stay over there with Daemon wanting to kill Aerion for what happened?” You throw out a lie so they’ll be more willing to believe what you're trying to sell. And you actually get Aegon to hum, but as he keeps making you uncomfortable by caressing your neck.

“You do have a dragon,” he gets a point across. “But would you really attack your family?”

“My grandfather,” you blurt in hopes that will get him to stop his threat and stop what he’s currently doing. “My grandfather is going to make Aerion heir of Driftmark, and Lord of the Tides, but those efforts will be for naught if you kill me.”

Aegon glances at his side before slowly pulling the dagger away from your throat.

“If you kill him Aerion would be the next lord of Driftmark, which means that we could give you control of the fleet,” you add, making Aegon stand still for a moment as he takes in what you just said.

“We need that fleet, my King,” Aemond jumps into your defense. “With Aerion being so young we would be in charge until he becomes of age.”

Aegon nods slowly in comprehension but he then tilts his head and clicks his tongue. “But killing Lord Corlys will take time. If it happens at all.”

“I will fight for you,” you roll out as enticingly as you can to try and enchant him with your voice. “Let me fight for you, for my family. I want to come home.”

Aegon sighs deeply and stares deep into your soul without looking for help from anyone. And you look at him and lift your chin slightly to exude confidence you don’t feel at the moment.

Not like Aegon actually notices how shaken and fearful you currently are, or else he would pick on that and really make you feel small. He only sees what you want him to see, it’s why your song works on him and all the others.

“Fine,” he breathes out and finally lets you go, making you fall on your knees out of defeat as to what he was doing, and letting Ser Criston let Aemond go.

“You may return home. You will not join any of my councils obviously, and your dragon will be put in the dragon pit. If you step a hair out of line I will have you killed and sent to your mother.” Aegon clarifies.

Astraea is the way you’ll get your messages across but getting her out will be no problem, and you didn’t expect to be welcomed at the council anyway. The plan was always going to be you using those tunnels your mother used to use. Aemond is the only one you’ll actually disdain.

“You should know,” you mutter to get the last word in, which is bold, to say the least, but you can’t stay quiet after he was touching in that way. “Ser Arryk was killed by Ser Erryk because he was doing his job by protecting the royal family. That’s how I escaped…” you trail off and slowly lift your head to look at Ser Criston with a smugness playing in your eyes.

The Kingsguard briefly meets your gaze before he turns his head away without inputting anything. No one actually says anything in the regard.

Aemond then proceeds to approach you and offer you his hand, but you just glare at him before you turn away and help yourself up to go to Aerion.

“Thank you,” you offer Alicent you’re genuine gratitude before you take back your son.

“Of course,” she says. “I’m glad you’re both back home.”

You offer her a fake faint smile before you turn away and walk back to Aemond to hand him Aerion, who is immediately over the moon by finally being carried by his father. You cannot say the same, you actually make sure to turn away quickly so you wouldn’t have to look him in the eye. Instead, you address the commander who had greeted you outside to avoid a silence.

“Ser, if you would be so kind as to round up your best men tomorrow at the training yards after breaking fast. My son and I need a sworn protector with this war so rampant. If I depend on the new Kingsguard I’ll find my son sold for a flagon of wine or a pretty whore,” you say without shame and watch the knight snicker and glance over at the men you were so boldly speaking of before he looks back at you and responds with a comprehensive nod, letting you not take a second longer to finally try and leave the damn hall and these people. Yet not before you wipe that smile off the commander's face

“Oh and give the list of names of that squadron to Prince Aemond, he would like to know who the men were that shot at my dragon and our child as we were waving that white flag.” You finish and peer back with a serious look that actually turns out to be menacing.

Once you’re out of the hall, you would have liked to say you could catch your breath and find any sense of satisfaction, but the tension is quick to follow you out.

“Vanessa,” you interject after a while of striding toward the royal apartments. “Just grab a change for tonight and tomorrow morning. We can get anything else we need tomorrow.”

Aemond hears your commands and looks away from Aerion to watch you instead.

“And don’t worry about a cradle, Aerion can sleep on my bed tonight,” you continue to give orders, piquing Aemond’s attention even more, and making him forget that child so fascinated by him.

“What are you doing?” Aemond asks, but you ignore him even if you feel ticked off.

“My old chambers are available, we will both stay there. I won’t put Aerion in danger.”

You know deep down Daemon won’t try and hurt your child unless he means to hurt your mother in the meanwhile, but your hatred for him blinds you and makes you see him as a threat even though there’s no real need for such hostility.

“Yes, Princess—”

“No,” Aemond cuts Vanessa off bluntly. “You will not move the Princess or Aerion’s things anywhere. They will not be moving anywhere. They will stay where we are.”

You clench your jaw but continue to ignore his grating presence, as well as Vanessa’s brewing confusion—“Don’t worry about protection, the night will be short tonight because of how late it already is. We will hopefully have that situated by tomorrow—”

“Are you listening to me?” Aemond blurts and catches you off guard when he grabs your wrist and pulls you to a sudden halt so you can face his pointed glare.

Yet you don’t give him the satisfaction of being submissive, or looking away and walking off. Nor do you actually give him what he wants, at that moment you remember that you have to hold back for the sake of your purpose and your Queen. There’s things you want to remark and throw at him as he ruffles your anger, as you look him in the eye and stand so close, but you need to hold back, it has to be helped even if a cascade of memories follows, and have you challenging his glare for a moment before you rip your eyes away and look at your son in his arms to remind him he’s here witnessing it all.

“Vanessa take Aerion for a stroll so he can fall asleep,” Aemond interjects as he holds your gaze. “It’s past his bedtime. We can spend more time with each other on the morrow.”

Vanessa glances at you for the okay, but you don’t look back at her, you keep your eyes on Aemond even if your heartbeat picks up under his heavy gaze, letting her come to the conclusion herself and take Aerion from Aemond.

The boy does begin to whine after being parted from his father, but you don’t stop her either, knowing that there will be tension you don’t want him to see.

“I am not going to stay in the same room as you,” you make yourself clear and pull your arm away to start storming to your shared quarters.

“Do you think I am going to leave you and Aerion vulnerable and all alone?” Aemond counters, making you scoff.

“Does it really matter what happens to me?” You spat back in regards to who he killed, but he chooses to ignore that.

“Of course, it matters. You know that.”

You shake your head in disbelief and continue on quietly, letting him fill the silence for you. “You will stay where you are. It’s where you belong.”

You continue to stay quiet all the way to your shared chambers, which is unlike you, he wants to hear you argue as if that will help cure the strain made by the murder, but you stay quiet and don’t even fill the air with anything when you’re in your room. You just go and try to grab something to sleep in, but he immediately stops you by grabbing your robe and throwing it aside.

“I said no,” he hisses, but you reach for another, making him grab what you pick up and pull back.

“Let go, Aemond, I am not staying here. I am not going to sleep with you!” You bark back and grab his wrist to yank it away, but he rebuttals by grabbing your hand and overpowering you with ease.

“You are staying, and Aerion is staying here where I can protect him and you,” he makes it clear to you, letting you realize as you try to avoid looking at him that Aerion’s cradle is placed at the end of the bed instead of being in his own quarters.

“I do not need you to protect me,” you counter and let go of the robe to try and reach for another, but he crouches down and grabs your arm right where Daemon had grabbed you, and pulls you up.

“Let me go,” you fight him and ignore the ache in your arms as he presses on your bruises. “Don't touch me. Let me go, you're hurting me.”

As soon as Aemond hears those words his grip eases, letting you rebuttal by pushing him away. “Leave,” you cry out and can’t find the strength to hold back anymore, you forget the role you’re meant to play, your purpose for returning, and let your anger burst out from its confinement, resulting in you shoving him back.

“If you don’t want me to leave then you leave. Go. Get out!” You exclaim.

Aemond lets himself get pushed back again and only makes you grow more aggravated that he refuses matching your anger. “I do not want to see you. I do not want you to touch me. I do not…” you trail off and push him back toward a shelf. “I do not want you here. Get. Out.” You innouncate through gritted teeth, but Aemond doesn’t get the hint, he doesn’t care about the anger behind every shove, or the disdain behind every single word.

“He’s gone because of you. My brother is gone!” You finally express what has been stuck in the back of your throat, what really fuels your anger. You finally share the betrayal that you have harbored and that has played in your eyes since you first saw him in that throne room. “Get out!” You raise your voice and shove him back against a wall, but get no reaction in any way. He lets it happen, he watches your anger, and he lets you express it even if it brings violence.

“Get out!” You cry again and hit his chest, hoping he will move, that he will finally stop infuriating you more and react by at least stopping you, but he doesn’t fight back, like usual.

“Out! Out! Get out, Aemond!” You start to lose your cool and hit him more and more, each time your fists getting backed with more strength, while your chest gets heavy, and your eyes finally start to fill with tears as the sorrow you held back breaks out and starts to accompany your anger.

“Fight me back! Fight back you fucking killer. Fight me back!” You shout shakily. “You killed him. You killed Luke. You took my brother away from me. You…” you come to a stop and can’t yell anymore, your throat stings, and your chest starts to ache to the point it gets hard to breathe really fast. “You…”

Aemond watches you move your hands back to go and hit him again, but this time before you can make contact with his chest, he grabs your wrists and pushes you back, making you hold his gaze as he does so and not let go, even if his gaze his heavy and burns in you, even if he pulls you back to him with ease and causes a warmth to wash over you as he holds you close.

“Let me go,” you try not to mewl, but you can’t help it anymore. You can’t hold that anger over your agony. “Let me,” you groan.

Aemond parts his lips but doesn’t end up saying anything, instead he only attracts your eyes to his lips with this need that comes from deep down. You do manage to drag your eyes up after a second but find his gaze heavy and focused on your parted mouth before he lolls his head to the side, and slowly meets your tear-filled eyes.

You proceed to flicker your eyes down and he leans forward, expecting you to pull away, but you stay put as if magnetized to him. As if a slave to your need dwelling deep inside where you don’t want it to be.

“Aemond,” you whisper and his blue eyes find yours, letting you see how dilated his pupils are, but also how soft his eyes are with…distress you can read with ease.

“Why?” You ask in the intimacy of the moment where it’s just you and him, your husband, your lover, and your best friend. “Why did you do it?”

Aemond's eye falls and his lips slowly form a frown. You want to see what he feels, what he fails to say so you tilt your head down to look into his eye and get your answer, but he turns his head away and mutters. “Why did you come back if you hate me?”

“I…” you don’t finish, but you softly shake your head just enough that he notices the motion and peeks over at you.

You need to say it. You need to say what you’ve felt when you were away. He killed Lucerys, your beloved little brother. He hurt your mother and your brother. He betrayed you in the worst way possible. But those feelings you had thought of only sprung up because you weren’t looking at him. It was easy to think you hated him, but now that you’re looking at him, now that you feel his breath unfurl over your lips, and feel his heartbeat under your palm as you press your hand against his chest, you can’t muster a syllable, or conjure it in your heart. No matter how hard you try.

“I did not come for you,” is all you can muster. “I came for Helaena. Not for you.”

And deep under your conflict and your mission that is true. You did come for her in her worst moments where she needs what her family can never give her.

“Hm,” Aemond hums and welcomes a coldness to your wrists as he finally lets you go.

“You did not answer me,” you bring up your previous question. “Why did you do it? He was sent as a messenger, not a warrior. He was just supposed to deliver a message and get an answer, that's all, so why? Did he do something? Did he say something?”

Aemond swallows thickly and his gaze gets hard before he deadpans. “You and Aerion are staying here. I will lock you in here if I have to. Do not make it hard.”

His gaze lingers on you for a second longer before he slips away even if he knows you are waiting for an answer. Just a simple one if need be, something to give you peace of mind, but he goes to the door looking like he isn’t going to stop until you fall on your knees the moment you can’t hold strong anymore. Everything you felt collapses over you and you break down.

Aemond hears your sobs, it unsettles him, and tugs at his heart, but even if you’re the only one who can ever cause such an effect, he doesn’t go to your side even if at that moment you wouldn’t have pushed him away. He lets out a deep breath and leaves you alone.

He doesn’t return until hours later just moments before the sun could break into the sky, finding Aerion fast asleep in his cradle, and you balled up on your side of the bed. He thinks you're asleep, but you couldn’t find it, so you heard him walk in quietly.

You hear him take his belt off, and pull his boots off to be able to approach the end of the bed without alerting the sleeping babe, going unaware at that moment of you peeling one eye open to watch him caress Aerion’s cheek ever so gently as to not wake him before he smiles faintly, causing your own heart to involuntarily pick up in its speed before it jolts when he steps back.

As to not get caught you immediately shut your eye and listen, catching his footsteps go around the bed and approach you.

At first, you think he’s going somewhere else, but his scent then intoxicates you as he stops beside you, causing your racing heart to ease as if his scent was the only key to calm down. He proceeds to stare and you know that you feel that deep down, you feel his eye on your face before it leaves a burning trail down the upper half of your body.

When it comes to your exposed arms that you can’t hide anymore, he hooks his finger on the blanket and gently pulls it down before he runs the tip of his finger on the bruise marked on your flesh, and keeps it there as if the touch alone will give him the answer as to what happened.

After a moment he groans with what seems to be frustration before he lifts his fingers and suddenly surprises you by caressing your cheek before he brings his face down, letting his long silver hair tickle your shoulder, while his breath unfurls over your cheek.

You try not to hold your breath or move, but he makes it hard as he lets the warmth of his lips mingle over your cheek.

Is he going to kiss you or not?

Yes?

No?!

You wait and wait until he suddenly pulls back and his footsteps recede, letting you open your eye to catch him walking around the bed as he takes his vest off, showing how his back muscles move fluidly with him. And thanks to the light starting to peek in you can see how smooth and sculpted he looks under such a soft light.

You want to see his face, his torso, and those perfect abs, but you close your eyes and remember what he’s done, and once again you’re cast with…sorrow.

——

*LATER*

Stupid ache…

“Vanessa, could you have tea prepared for breakfast? I woke up with all different kinds of aches,” you grumble and slip on your shoes. “My head is aching, and I feel a bit nauseous.”

Vanessa hooks the last jeweled chain on your back to the golden broach on the shoulder part of your deep blue gown, and then slowly peeks out from the side with her eyes filled with curiosity. “Princess I have been meaning to ask. When you were in Winterfell…”

Oh is she trying to get the gossip? With everything that went on after you returned from the North, you never had time to tell her what happened.

“Did you…”

Before she can finish what she was building up to the door opens and Aemond walks in with Aerion, making Vanessa groan because once again she was left to hold in her question.

“I will prepare the tea for you princess, but perhaps you should see the maester?” Vanessa purposely says at the wrong time, causing Aemond to peek over—“You did not eat your dinner yesterday because of your stomach ache.”

You side-eye Vanessa, but she doesn’t care that she just blurted your troubles for Aemond to hear, she slides behind you to fix the jeweled chains on your back.

“What’s wrong?” Aemond interjects in your silence.

You drop your eyes to avoid looking at him in the mirror and with your fingers trace the gold design that swirls with the wave patterns on your blue gown.

“Nothing,” you deadpan.

Aemond stays quiet for a second before you hear his footsteps approach you. “I saw bruises on your arms,” he doesn’t hold back from bringing up. “What happened?”

He will ask Vanessa, and she will tell him, so you just answer him in the most serious voice so he knows that his presence bothers you. “Daemon happened. He wanted me to leave and he was not kind about it.”

There's a second of silence before you hear a deep and frustrated sigh. You dare yourself to look up and catch Aemond’s gaze on your arm before he blinks and tries to meet your gaze, but comes up empty-handed when you look at Aerion instead.

“<Did you have a good time, my little dragon?> You speak to him in High Valyrian and watch him wave his hands excitedly.

“My grandmother says he could start eating solids when he’s 5 months old,” you direct at Vanessa, making her step away and nod with a happy smile.

“Yes, it’s possible, he’s starting to sit up alone, so he’s almost there.”

You grin at your child and caress his chin. “<Hear that? We will get you nice and plump in no time. As of now…” you trail off and take him from Aemond to walk away from the mirror. “How would you like to go with Aunt Helaena and your cousin Jaehaera, hm?>”

Aerion responds by reaching for your dangling earrings, so you lean your head away and shake your head, only getting him more intrigued.

“I’m heading to a council meeting,” Aemond says as you continue avoiding him. “I will talk to the maester to come see you later.”

“I can seek the maester myself,” you quip and scrunch your nose at Aerion to try and make him smile.

Aemond stays still and quiet before he walks away. When he reaches the door you peek over and see him stop again before he turns his head, but not completely. He just stands there for a moment with his gaze in the corner of his eye before he just walks out of the room.

“I do not know how I will do it,” you mumble to Vanessa the moment the door closes and he’s walking away. “I can not…pretend to be okay with him. I know I must try, but…I see…what my mind thinks what happened that day, and I get angry and sad.”

Vanessa walks to you to take Aerion and face you with a pitiful frown. “It will be hard, but you will not get anywhere if you do not try. Just take it step by step.”

You sigh deeply and nod softly. “I will leave now too to listen in to the meeting,” you change the subject. “I should make it back for breakfast with Helaena, I should not take long. That’s not my intention anyway.”

“Be careful,” your handmaiden warns you. “Try and remember your way back. Good luck.”

You giggle and pat her shoulder. “I will be alright. I do wish my cat was here though. He would make it easier to make my way around. If anyone asks for me just tell them I went for a stroll to catch my breath.”

Vanessa nods hesitantly and seems to want to input another warning, but she just bites her tongue and watches you walk out the secret door hidden in your quarters

At first, you admit you feel a bit turned around, all the damn tunnels are built almost identically. Plus there’s only the torch that you light as a form of light until you reach small windows, but those aren’t everywhere. Luckily though, you manage to remember where the council hall is. You do arrive a bit later than you hoped, but you got there all the same.

And it seems Ser Criston just arrived too, going off his greeting.

“Forgive my lateness,” you catch Ser Criston interject as he seems to sit down.

“Important business, no doubt,” you cringe at Aegon’s grating voice.

“You appointed new knights to the Kingsguard, Your Grace?”

Ser Criston is barely asking that? They were with the King last night.

Some commander he is.

“To replace those we lost,” Aegon remarks.

“The last one needlessly, some might say,” a man comments quietly but full of judgment. You can’t say you can place a face or a name to the voice though.

“Ser Arryk was awarded the great duty of ending Rhaenyra’s challenge,” Ser Criston argues pointlessly. “He failed to discharge it.”

At least he recognizes that error.

“He failed because the scheme was rash,” you hear the Dowager Queen interject before getting countered by the Commander of the Kingsguard.

“Perhaps, Your Grace but we cannot all hide in our castles waiting for war to come to us.”

You have to admit that it is true, but that does not excuse the stupid act they sent Ser Arryk to do. The Kingsguard protecting your mother aren’t bad at their jobs like he is.

“As now it surely will,” Alicent quips.

“As, now,” Aemond interrupts the bickering, managing to catch your breath in your throat at the mere sound of his voice. “It already has. House Bracken took it upon themselves to attack the Blackwoods who declared for the pretender. Lord Samwell Blackwood himself is slain.”

“Good,” Aegon says. “First blood in our name.”

Ugh, idiot.

“Both sides took heavy losses, Your Grace,” you recognize Ser Tyland made a point the King failed to see. “I-I’m not entirely certain we can declare this victory—”

“The Blackwoods and the Brackens had feuded for centuries. This is nothing more than an excuse for them to indulge their ancient grudge. It’s no true war.”

A sudden pound against the table shuts the speaking Lord up and makes you press yourself closer to the wall.

“Call it what you will,” Aegon follows by saying, making him the one who pounded whatever it was on the table's surface. “I call it war. And so will Dragonstone. The question is, what are we going to do about it?”

What is there to do? It was a stupid squabble between feuding families. There’s no significant point behind that bloodbath.

“We send a raven to Lord Tully,” you hear the maester come up with a solution amongst the other heads around the table. “These houses are his vassals, are they not? He must control them.”

“Lord Grover Tully is a flaccid, old fool who couldn’t control his cock in a cunny,” the Lord you don’t recognize cuts in with a hint of judgment. “Begging your pardon, Your Grace.”

“Do you have any better suggestions, Lord Jasper?” Aegon asks and once and for all brings a name and face to the voice.

“Your Lord Uncle Ormund marches from Old Town at the head of a great host, Your Grace,” the Lord rebuttals. “And your brother Daeron’s dragon nears fighting age. Call on them to suppress the Riverlands.”

Yes with Caraxes and Daemon going to the Riverlands? Tessarion would get ripped to shreds, he’s no more experienced than your dragon.

“At least they are months away,” Ser Tyland interjects. “My Lord brother Jason is raising a great army at Casterly Rock. In a matter of weeks, he will be able to harass the Blackwoods from the west—”

“Should we not aim to unite these armies?” You’re surprised to hear the maester give his opinion. “And then strike as one?”

He has a point. One big army is better than small ones.

“Ah,” Ser Tyland interrupts as he laughs mockingly. “The great military mind of the Citadel. Do remind me—”

Oh gods can this get any more childish?

Here instead of questioning the ruler they bicker with each other.

“This council must rediscover the discipline it lately had if its to be of any use,” Alicent thankfully shuts them up.

“The Riverlands are the key to the war,” Ser Criston moves the meeting forward over his rattling armor. “Harrenhal is the key to the Riverlands. I will ride out with those I can muster here. Men I know, men I’ve trained.”

Your interest finally piques and you push yourself off the wall to lean your ear close to the gaps on the wall that look in the council room.

“You need time to raise the numbers to challenge the Rivermen,” Alicent makes a smart point, but Ser Criston doesn’t seem to see it that way.

“Speed is my ally. I will turn the Crownland houses who declared for Rhaenyra to our cause. We will add their numbers to our own then turn west. Where I will enlist the Brackens, subdue the Riverlands, and take Harrenhal.”

Well, that’s a mighty goal. Smart yet a bit far-fetched.

“So impatient to ride with so few men,” Alicent says. “So like to be destroyed by the first stronghold you meet. A bold scheme indeed.”

Yes, especially because Daemon is also currently going to take the Riverlands as well.

“Well, the gods favor the bold,” Ser Criston quips a stupid comment that Alicent thankfully strikes down.

“They did not favor Ser Arryk.”

Ser Criston chuckles before he turns to get the favor from a war-thirsty mongrel. “What say you, my King?”

“And you’ll take Aemond and Vhagar?” Aegon asks, making you hold your breath out of anticipation as to what the response will be.

“Vhagar will remain here,” Ser Criston immediately lets you breathe, and doesn’t let the running thoughts that were building up, rush out and make a mess in your mind—“to defend the city.”

“Good. To war then,” Aegon exclaims, making Ser Criston hum in agreement and get the approval he was seeking for from the king.

“I’ll come, too, with Sunfyre,” Aegon continues making your lips twitch.

“Aegon,” Alicent calls out in protest.

“Your Grace.”

“You’ll need a dragon,” Aegon quickly throws out, making Ser Criston argue back.

“My plan is not to draw attention.”

“And-and what will you do if you encounter one or more of Rhaenyra’s dragons?” Aegon asks and you can’t help but answer in your mind that he’ll hopefully die.

“She’ll want to answer for Ser Arryk,” Aegon adds.

“We will be more like to encounter one if we field one of our own,” Ser Criston tries to make it clear to Aegon.

“That is precisely why you must remain, brother,” Aemond says calmly which actually surprises you. You would’ve thought he would volunteer to fight with Vhagar. “It’s a brave thought, but we cannot risk your loss.”

You smile in amusement at his words obviously not laced with genuine care.

“I’m as fearsome as any of them,” Aegon argues, making you stifle your laugh during the short and awkward silence that follows.

“We must also raise the matter on…” Lord Jasper interjects hesitantly after. “The Princess’s arrival. It is ominous, to say the least, and suspicious considering how much Rhaenyra coddles her children. We must press her for what she knows. If it’s true that she has switched loyalties—”

“No,” Aemond counters, making your heart skip a beat. “You will not do such a thing. I will talk to my wife.”

“We have already discussed all the matters with the princess herself,” Alicent interjects. “Her dragon will be put in the dragonpit, and we will keep a watchful eye on her.”

No tongues rise on the matter because no one wants to face Aemond’s wrath because he, unlike Aegon, has proven himself to be fearsome.

Nevertheless, you use this as your cue to leave and return to your quarters before you can be caught, finding it a much easier venture back than when you came. You surely do relieve Vanessa of any stress she harbored as she dramatically over-worried herself that you would get yourself lost.

“We should head out now,” you don’t take a moment to catch your breath or write the first letter to your mother about what you just heard.

“Is everything all right?” Vanessa queries.

You take Aerion from her and nod. “Things are as good as they will be at the moment. I need to send a letter to my mother to let her know what Ser Criston is going to do. Hopefully, Aemond is not clinging today.”

“We can always find a way to part from him,” Vanessa looks at the bright side. “It does not seem like he will be around much with this war needing constant attention.”

You scoff as you walk out of your room. “You would be surprised,” you mutter in return.

The moment you are out of your room and head to Helaena’s new chambers, you feel a sense of nervousness knot your already nauseous stomach, and rush through your veins to the point your hands begin to tremble at the thought of facing Helaena; seeing her grief, and seeing her pair of twins be left to one child.

It was not so long ago when you would both escape to your little Island with your dragons and her children. Now those are tainted memories of what she doesn’t have anymore.

What if she thinks you betrayed her and hates you for it?

You would understand, you would obviously try and explain that it wasn’t you so she knows she’s not alone in her grief, that she has you in the same way she has had you for the past year, but ultimately you would not blame her. It was Daemon, your family, your infamous side who killed her child.

Yet no matter how much your thoughts pester you, or how much you want to turn tail and return to your quarters, you’re more daring when it comes to her. You do hesitate a moment as you stand outside of her door with Aerion in your arms, but after beating down what’s making you hesitate, you knock and let your presence know.

Silence passes for a few minutes making you think you came too late, but then a few seconds later the door is opened by one of her ladies-in-waiting, leaving a clear view of her to you, and you to her.

“Good morning,” you greet softly as you walk in, seeing her put down what she’s sewing before she slowly meets your gaze with puffy eyes, but no tears brimming within. Her grief is clearly painted but it does not seem to bring her down like you thought it would. Still, you don’t feel any less guilty or sorry.

“Good morning,” she greets in return and then finds your son in your arms. “Good morning to you Aerion.”

The baby watches her before his eyes dart to Jaehaera and he becomes instantly infatuated with the little girl, so much so that he throws himself back against you out of glee.

“Someone’s happy to see you,” you direct at Jaehaera approaching you.

“Me?” She points at her chest and then flashes a grin that grows wider when you crouch so Aerion can be at her level.

“Hello Aerion,” she tells the baby and gently grabs his hand, making the baby firmly grab onto her.

“I missed you,” she tells him and shakes his little fist, making him slowly try and bring her hand to his mouth.

“He’s strong,” she comments with a giggle before she pulls her hand away and looks at you. “Can I play with him?”

“He’s a babe,” Helaena points out to her daughter, making her sigh.

“Well,” you try to console her. “He can sit with you and he can happily watch you play while he plays with some of toys of his own. You have to wait until he’s older so he can play with you.”

Jaehaera frowns, but she doesn’t argue. “All right then.”

You flash her a smile and stand to your given height to give Aerion to one of the wetnurses, so they can take the children to a different corner of the room while you talk to Helaena before your breakfast gets here.

“I planned to have breakfast a bit unexpectedly, I hope that’s all right,” you direct at Helaena who is watching her daughter for a moment before her eyes drift back to you.

“There’s no problem,” she assures you, making you nod gently before you grab your hands and fiddle with your fingers as you carefully think of what to say.

“Helaena,” you whisper, making her hum to probe innocently.

Before you can continue you briefly glance at her sitting on a couch before you go and sit next to her, making her turn to face you as you continue to struggle with how to tell her everything you feel in the bottom of your heart.

“I…I’m sorry,” you say what you have already told so many people, yet it’s not something you will get tired of saying because you can’t help or ignore your guilt, nor does this grief end. It keeps coming and coming.

“I’m sorry for what happened to Jaehaerys,” your voice quivers, and tears, the one thing you are tired of, well in your eyes, making them sting. “I’m sorry for what happened to you.”

Helaena’s eyes fall on her hands, and her lips fall to a small frown that only tears at your wounded heart even more.

“I know it must be hard, but I cannot be here and not come tell you that I am deeply sorry,” you continue as she stays quiet, and slowly reach for her hand. You know she’s not fond of intimacy, but you don’t overstep, you just drop your hand on hers, and she doesn’t move it away at that moment. Her hands stiffen but she lets you hold her hand.

“You and your children did not deserve that, he did not deserve that. I’m sorry,” you add softly, making her trail her eyes up to meet yours.

“But it is not your fault,” she says and surprises you. “You did not do it. Why are you sorry?”

You part your lips but can’t muster a thing, instead, you drop your head and lick the salty tears that roll down your cheeks and fall on your lips.

“Because it was not fair,” you bring up what you feel. “Because…it was a cruel thing to do, and agonizing to go through. Because…I know who sent those killers to you.”

A silence follows where Helaena slips her hand over yours and carefully wraps your hand with hers, making you blink repeatedly in disbelief before you meet her gaze with that same emotion in your eyes.

“It was still not your fault,” she presses ever so sweetly. “You did not send those killers, nor did you commit the act. I do not blame you, nor do I hate you.”

Your breath catches and a smile slowly tugs on your lips as your tense body eases with the relief that washes over you.

“I’m here for you, you know that? If you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, I’m here for you. Always. I love you Helaena.”

She nods softly and offers you the sweetest smile that reminds you of the sweetest spring days. “I know,” she whispers.

You don’t expect her to say it in return, but you know her true feelings with the hand still wrapped around you.

“Why are you here though?” She suddenly blurts.

“I-I,” you pause out of confusion, but give her a clear answer. “I’m here for you.”

Helaena shakes her head and pulls her hand away. “You are not listening, why are you here? You should not have come.”

Your tears dry, and your confusion leaves no trace of the joy you were just beginning to feel

“I see it,” she presses and leans towards you. “A crown on a black veil.” She nods as if that helped you in some way. It only leaves you lost and a bit concerned.

“Okay…” you just give her the satisfaction of an answer to not leave things awkward. “Breakfast should be—”

And just as you’re going to finish, the doors open and servants with breakfast come in.

“I think Aemond missed you,” Helaena interjects while the breakfast is being placed. “And Aerion. He had his cradle moved after what happened with Jaehaerys.”

“Yes,” you mumble. “So I saw.”

Helaena gets off her seat and you mirror her to follow her to the round table, finding that breakfast looks unappetizing. The food looks good, but the nauseousness you feel is still lingering within you.

“Helaena I was thinking perhaps you could accompany me to select my new sworn protector,” you fill the silence as you take a seat. “I think getting out of your room and taking some air would be nice. Besides, I think a nice stroll in the gardens afterward would be nice, the weather is agreeable.”

Helaena sits beside you rather than in any other empty seat and looks at you before she queries. “What of the new Kingsguard that Aegon appointed? Why don’t you pick one of them?”

You meet her gaze and giggle before you look at the tea you requested getting placed in front of you. “No,” you put it simply. “One, that would be pretty foolish and Aemond would never allow that.”

She hums and the corner of her lips twitches. “I’m sure if Aemond could, he would be stuck to you like a shadow.”

You laugh softly and nod. “He tries.”

“I hope you and him reconcile,” she says. “It’s nice seeing him laugh with you.”

You swallow thickly and answer honestly. “I think it will be hard forgiving him for what he did.”

She hums and says one last thing. “Just do not wait too long, okay?”

Your heart skips a beat and your eyebrows furrow but you offer her a soft smile and nod. “Okay.”

She holds your gaze a second longer before she reaches over to serve herself some food. You try and do the same, but your stomach stops you from really desiring anything.

Helaena notices your reluctance and interjects as she leans toward you. “You should eat, it’s not good for the babes if you do not.”

Your eyes widen and slowly meet her gaze expressing only utter disbelief. “What?” You deadpan.

All Helaena does is offer you a simple smile before she starts eating, leaving you overcome with confusion, even if deep down what she said starts to make sense; Your over-exhaustion, your stomachaches, and headaches.

And it would track, Aemond and you did have sex before you left for Dragonstone, but…Cregan and you…

No…that’s a possibility you do not want to think about, and he’s always careful, and you…did not take Moontea this time, but it can’t be true, him being related is especially not true.

IF what Helaena said was true the babes are Aemond’s. And that’s even if Helaena is telling the truth, sometimes she has the tendency to say things that don’t make sense. Just like this, it's all just a jumble of words.

You will choose to believe that until you talk to someone who can actually prove it. Until then you pay all your focus on your breakfast with Helaena and keep yourself even more busy with choosing your sworn protector already discreetly picked by Daemon of all people.

You did not think he would care that much as to pay someone to keep you and your son safe, but here you are now standing on a balcony over a courtyard, hearing metal sing over the chaos playing all about the castle as men prepare to go to war with Ser Criston.

Usually, men just line up, and someone shares their achievements and a summary of how they became so high ranked and so on, but that all sounded so boring and you have lacked fun so you chose for a not-so-commonly picked choice and had them just demonstrate their skill.

“Perhaps there’s no need for such a show of violence,” Helaena gives her opinion as she stays back in her seat. “Go with the man Aemond wants you to pick.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “No,” you deadpan and cross your arms over the railing to lean your head over and watch as a man with short black curly hair suddenly pulls his cloak off to hurl it at his opponent and blind him.

You grin at his quick thinking and watch this tall, well-built man kick his opponent back while he’s blinded and trying to take the cloak off his face, resulting in the cloak to slip off but a few seconds too late because the intriguing man pulls out a dagger and thrust forward.

Albeit the opponent blocks his attempts with his arm, making you unfold your arms to press your hands on the cold stone and push yourself forward out of excitement.

The man proceeds to use his arm to dismantle his opponent's block by shoving his arm away, before he quickly grabs his arm and spins around him to be able to wrap his other arm around his opponent's neck, and point the tip of his dagger at an artery; with that finishing the last match, and making you beam and clap.

“Well fought!” You exclaim, causing the man to let go of his opponent so they can both face you and bow their heads. “What’s your name Ser?”

The man you called on lifts his head and you meet the most mesmerizing blue eyes that remind you of the bluest sea water.

“Ser Jason Waters, Princess,” he announces, making your grin twitch as you realize that this tall man below is the man Daemon hired for you.

“A bastard from King’s Landing,” the commander beside you whispers in your ear as if that affects his quick thinking or his battle experience—“Go with Ser Aldous from the Crownlands. That’s the man your Lord husband thought capable. He has battle experience, and he is well-honed.”

You scoff and give him the same attitude you just gave Helaena. “I do not care what my Lord Husband wants, and bastard or not that does not affect Ser Jason’s skill. Tell me his triumphs.”

The man hesitates but responds with what you asked for. “He fought at the Stepstones when he was ten-and-six with Prince Daemon until the war ended.”

You look over to flash the man a smile as you hit your palms on the stone. “See, he has battle experience too.” You look back at the man and focus your eyes on the scar that travels from the right corner of his forehead and all across his face to end on the left corner of his jaw.

“Tell me, Ser Jason, how did you get your scar?” You probe with genuine curiosity. “My grandfather Lord Corlys says a scar is always a story. What is your story?”

Ser Jason huffs lightly and glances down with a small smile that carves adorable and deep dimples on his cheeks.

“I,” he clears his throat and bats his lashes before he faces you. “I fought a Dothraki Screamer after I departed from the Stepstones.”

Your eyes widen and you quickly poke him for more with a bit too much excitement. “A Dothraki Screamer? Really?!”

He nods. “He almost took my face but I ended up winning,” he boasts with a shy smile. “Not that I am saying it was easy. It was…it was difficult.”

Your smile widens at his stumble of words before you look at the Commander. “Has Ser Aldous fought a Dothraki screamer and won?”

The commander sighs and argues. “But Prince Aemond—”

“I will make sure Prince Aemond does not take his anger out on you. I made this choice, I am capable of choosing a worthy protector for me and my child,” you interject to assure him, but then Helaena breaks her silence by calling your name before giving her opinion.

“Maybe you should listen to Aemond. I do not think Ser Jason is a wise choice.”

Her eyes snap to the man she can see through the gaps of the railing, and draws in a deep short breath before meeting your gaze and breathing out.

“You worry,” you tell her. “Just like, my Aemond. It’s okay.”

Helaena holds your gaze for a second longer with a very hard and pressuring look before she drops her head and nods stiffly.

“Let me just close this matter up and we can go for our stroll,” you assure her and return your attention to Ser Jason. “I will see you on the Morrow for your first day, Ser Jason. Thank you. And thank you to the rest of you, do not worry I am sure your skill will still be needed, I will make sure to recommend you to good positions.”

The other knights bow their heads to express their gratitude, but you focus on the man in the middle and understand now why Daemon chose him of all people to protect you and Aerion while you’re here in the jaws of the enemy. He’s well-traveled and has been holding a sword since he was a boy.

You have to give Daemon his flowers for this one thing.

“Thank you, Princess,” Ser Jason speaks up with his head raised and a crooked smile on his lips. “You bring me a great honor. I will protect you and yours with my life. I will not let you down. I will guard you even from the shadows that lurk in the night, and the cowards who call themselves men.”

You offer him a faint appreciative smile and as his crooked smile falls to a soft and gentle one, his blue eyes seem to deepen more, bringing this innocent look on his face that slowly pulls your smile down as you’re reminded of your sweet brother, Lucerys.

He would have been Lord if he had lived to be older. He could have had many different dangerous experiences like this man, he could have grown as sweet looking as this man, and held great achievements like this man, but he can’t. He was taken before he could really live a life of his own. Now you’re left just looking at this man below and getting reminded of what can’t flourish because Aemond made sure to kill it.

“Thank you, Ser Jason,” you offer the man softer than before and give him one last smile before you turn to try and leave. However, before you can you catch this certain familiar gleam in his eyes that steals your attention for a lingering second before you rip your eyes away and finally give Helaena all your attention.

“Now my Sweet aunt,” you probe as you hold your hands before you. “Why do you doubt Ser Jason?”

Helaena glances at you with a bit of surprise because you’re asking her for her thoughts that others would have disregarded.

“I just,” she says and turns her head away as she holds her hands. “I have a bad feeling about him.”

You take in what she says and quickly try to reassure her. “It’s normal to doubt people now more than ever, we are at war and tragedy has befallen everyone, but we cannot live our lives paranoid. But I will tell you what, I will be cautious, okay?”

Helaena nods softly and you add a remark. “Plus, the knight Aemond picked was old don’t you think?”

Helaena giggles and nods. “He was.”

“I’m sure it was done on purpose,” you comment on your husband's jealousy.

“You think?” Helaena asks, making you nod with a teasing smile playing on your lips.

“I know so. Now,” you change the subject to something she likes. “Tell me what have you caught as of late?”

Helaena’s shoulders release from their tense hold and her eyes glimmer for the first time. “I caught fireflies the other day by the pond, but I think they’re too beautiful to keep, so I let them go.”

You hum and feed her interests. “They are quite fascinating, they’re like little stars.”

She hums and carefully holds some of your fingers, making your heart happily skip a beat. “Did you know that they flash their lights for different stuff? Like when they’re trying to attract a mate, or deceiving others,” she muses. “And many people mistake them for flies or bugs, but they are beetles in truth.”

You hum. “I did not know that,” you share.

“Well, now you do.”

You giggle and nod. “Yes, I do. Now I think if I could be any insect I think I would be an orchid mantis. They are very beautiful.”

Helaena laughs softly and lolls her head towards you. “You’re funny.” She says, making you smirk.

You end up taking the long way to the gardens and find yourselves walking through the training yard that is flooded with men all preparing to go off to war, but halting the moment they all spot Queen Helaena walking by. All except for one man in bulky silver and green armor; he walks away from his horse with a half-smug smile on his face. And it's only when you get closer that you start to predict who he might be just going off the flaming tower on his chest plate.

“My Queen,” he finally pays his respects and bows his head. “And…” he leaves room for you to introduce yourself, and you do, making his eyes brighten and the smile turn more smug.

“Ah, the Realms Golden Girl, how nice it is to meet you at long last,” he rolls out of his tongue with a sense of cheekiness, but not filled with deceit, more so like he’s trying to seduce you.

But, as charming as he does speak, he can’t reel you in. You smile, but you also glance at Helaena in confusion, yet she doesn’t seem to understand you asking for help, so the man before you bows his head at you before he finally introduces himself; “I am Ser Gwayne Hightower.”

Ah, Alicent’s brother.

“It is an honor to meet you. I have heard a great deal about you,” you just say out of respect but you could care less even if he is a bit handsome for a Hightower.

“Hm,” he hums with a growing smirk. “In all my comings and goings never have I met such an enchanting beauty,” he flatters you and you can’t help but show off a shy smile—“my nephew is a lucky man.”

You scoff softly and he leans closer. “I am going off to battle with the Lord's Hand…”

You scoff at the title given to such an unqualified man and he seems to catch your drift and matches your mocking smile before he continues.

“I would fight more fiercely if you granted me your hand,” he speaks smoothly, but you still don’t fall prey to his attempts. Albeit you do give him your hand and watch him gently bring your hand up to his lips to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

Once he lets go of you his smug smirk deepens.

“I wish you well in your travels, Ser, I hope to see you again,” you offer him even if deep down you do not mean it at all and you pray and hope for his and all their downfalls. “Now if you will excuse me, the Queen and I have to go.”

“Of course.” He bows his head at you before drifting his attention to Helaena one more time. “My Queen.”

She offers him a faint smile before she pulls you away with her to finally get away from the clustered place and walk through quieter spaces until you both find joy and peace in the castle gardens.

Winter is coming, like the Stark’s like to say, but the garden does not lack life. It’s a lively contrast to the chaos ascending everywhere, and a peaceful escape where you can admire the vibrant autumn flowers that show their beauty off like stars at night. The trees are bare with the leaves rusting and breaking away, but the vibrant leaf colors that litter the ground steal the attention from its emptiness. The only thing that does make the garden feel lackluster is the lack of roses. They don’t bloom like they do Winterfell.

“Look,” Helaena calls for your attention and makes you tear your gaze away from the calm sea in the distance. “An orchid.” She shows off the beautiful light pink flower before she drops it on your lap. “Now you’re one step closer to becoming an orchid mantis.”

You burst out laughing and she giggles with you.

“You know,” you add after you catch your breath. “I have this gown I have been meaning to wear. It has blue winter roses embroidered on the corset and on the borderlines of the skirt. It is very beautiful. We should have a gown designed for you of your favorite flower so we could show off together.”

Helaena hums and nods. “I would like that.”

“Good.” You say with a smile and stand back up to continue down the gardens, coming to find Lord Larys Strong wandering around the pond.

“Your Grace. Princess,” he greets and bows his head.

You offer him a faint smile in return and steal a glance around before addressing him. “Enjoying the kind weather?”

He hums. “Making the best of it before winter comes.”

“All we will get is light snows and bitter winds this far South,” you bring up and walk closer to him with Helaena falling behind. “We will live.”

“I suppose winters here don’t compare to those in the North,” he says, and you shake your head lightly before peering back to watch Helaena slowly make her way to you.

“I would just like to say that it is odd seeing you and Prince Aemond be so estranged,” he says and slowly drifts back to him. “Not long ago you were almost inseparable.”

You avert your gaze and purse your lips together before you mutter your comment. “Well, sadly there are matters that create a strain.”

“I am sorry to hear about your brother's passing, it was such a tragic affair.”

Your eyes snap up and rather than expressing gratitude, you hardened your gaze to pass him a warning glare so he can tread carefully.

“Marriage is a complicated thing, more so with a war that tears your gaze between two sides, and secrets that lurk beneath the surface,” he doesn’t listen, he’s bold, so you lift your chin and make your glare more menacing.

Lord Larys catches the threat behind your glare and checks that Helaena is distracted by what’s in the pond before he quietly brings a point to this babble.

“I just hope Prince Aemond’s frequent brothel visits are not the secret truly keeping you apart.”

Your heart drops and every attempt to be seen as menacing falls flat. Instead, anguish begins to surface, it takes your attention and leaves you lost in thought for the rest of the day.

And you know you have no reason to be upset after you lay with Cregan. You shouldn’t care because you hate Aemond after he killed Lucerys, but knowing he went to see other women, imagining him kissing another woman, and picturing him looking at them the same way he looks at you; like there’s only you and no one else, like you’re all that’s beautiful in the world, crushes your heart.

You don’t want him touching anyone else with the same gentle touch he blesses you with. You don’t want someone else tasting the sweetness of his lips, or seeing how completely vulnerable and loving he can be. You don’t like that someone else is seeing parts of him that are only meant for you. You don’t want him to admire someone the way he admires you.

You want to be the only one he finds beautiful, you want him to only love you, just like it always has been. You don’t want to share him.

Yet you also can’t be so selfish. You know what you did, and the bad thing is you don’t regret it. You shouldn’t expect loyalty when you broke it first. You can’t be seething in jealousy when you were the one who kissed another man and became intimate with him. That’s selfish too, and you can’t be selfish.

But oh!

You can’t stop tormenting yourself with images of Aemond kissing other women, and other women kissing him. You see it in the books you try to read to keep yourself distracted and hear the sounds of his pleasure in the crackle of the fires that gives light to your chambers and also keeps it warm. You’re tormented by the ugliness that is jealousy, and also getting torn apart between not deserving to be jealous. And him coming into the room does not make it easier because now you’re also plagued by memories of what he did.

You’ll probably find yourself broken down soon enough.

“Where’s Aerion?” Aemond asks first as he takes some weight off him by putting his sword aside.

“With your mother,” you deadpan and flip mindlessly through a different book. “She wanted to spend time with him and Jaehaera.”

Aemond hums and he then approaches you to lean over the couch and try and give you a peck on the cheek, but you lean away, leaving his lips to meet a cold emptiness.

He proceeds to linger the way you left him before he purses his lips and steps away with a deep sigh.

“I see you are still playing at that game,” he says boldly and pulls your attention away from the book to lift your head and focus on nothing in particular as you run over what just came out of his mouth.

When you know you heard him right a crease carves in between your eyebrows as they pinch together, your eyes narrow and almost seem to emit flames with the rage that makes you forget the purpose you really came. That’s all meaningless now as you shut the book and throw it on the couch before you get up and spin around to snap back. “Game? Is this some jest to you, Aemond?”

Said man slips his eyepatch off and throws it on the table, choosing not to feed the dragon he already stirred awake.

“Tell me? Was killing my brother some game to you?” You don’t hold back and march around the couch to get closer, but he keeps getting away as he works to take his leather vest off.

“Is my grief, my guilt, some game to you? You know I-I couldn’t even face my mother, or-or Rhaena, because of what you did? I blamed myself!” You throw at his back which moves further and further away. “Is that funny? Do you think I can just forget and pretend everything is alright? Like-like you did not break my heart in the worst way possible?!”

Aemond finally stops walking away, but he doesn’t turn around or speak, and that only triggers your anger to get more heated.

“Aemond?” You call out so you can get something, a hum if that’s what he wants to give, whatever, you just want a response to let you know he’s paying attention.

“Tell me. Is all I am, is all I feel is some game to you?”

His head slowly lowers, and angry tears form in your eyes while you start to believe what you’re accusing him of in his lingering silence.

“Tell me…because if I am…” you trail off and don’t finish because you fear accepting that it will be true. “Aemond,” you call out again in a broken voice and with a burning glare that falters while you storm over to him and stop halfway. “Aemond,” you whisper before your nose furls and you cry out desperately and with frustration laced within. “Aemond!”

Said man slowly turns on his heels with his eye glossy and downcast, his lips out in a pout, and his eyebrows formed in a shaky furrow.

“No,” is what he says under his breath but doesn’t dare look you in the eyes, he’s like a wounded boy filled with fear. Not of what lurks in the shadows, or of some great fear; he’s afraid of what will come out of the scolding, afraid that he will be received with disappointment and a cold shoulder.

“No what?” You press to know and step closer. “No I’m not some joke to you, or no you did not mean to betray me in that way?”

“Bloodshed was inevitable, if not me, it would’ve been someone else,” he brings out his first excuse.

“Okay,” you whisper and nod in understanding while you turn away and hold your hands as you take in what he said. “Okay.”

“You are not a joke,” he responds to your other question as he finally breaks away from the spot he was stuck to. “My intention was not to hurt you. You know that. You of all people in this fucking world is all that matters to me. Ever since I was young and got pushed around for being different. You,” he makes that word clear with a sense of a deep meaning, no deceit, devotion and passion. “I did not want to hurt you. I did not mean what I did…” he trails off in a whisper that wouldn’t have been audible if the room wasn’t cast in silence.

Yet does that really mean anything now that he did it? He can’t take back what he did, he can’t bring back Lucerys because he did not mean it. It still hurts and he can’t take that pain away with those words.

“All those times,” your voice quivers as your heart speaks for you. “…I spent missing you, wanting to come back home to you, and for what?” You say to the tension in the room and hear his lips part before his steps hit the ground louder and louder as he makes his way before you.

When you’re face to face, heart facing the others heart, his long and slender fingers reach for your face, but because of the violence done to you in the past days you pull your head back, making his hands freeze and tense for a second before he tries again and this time makes contact with your warm cheeks, providing more warmth that you can’t help but melt into.

You do hesitate looking into his eye because you know what you will see will only make your heart sing, but he demands your attention and tilts your head up to meet his gaze. At that moment letting you see the sweet man you have always loved, a soft and enamored man who shows his tender affection in his eye that gleams like the full moon itself.

“I sent you letters,” he brings up softly and glances at your lips as his breath catches.

You part your lips and feel a desire slowly take hold of you, but you are not done, he can’t just shut you up with sweet words, so you quickly rebuttal with an icy quip. “Full of empty words.”

You resisted what you otherwise would have fallen trap to and reel away from Aemond to face him with a serious look that falters between anguish.

“But what could I expect? You only wrote for 1 year when I was in Winterfell…”

“That again,” he mutters and drops his hands on his thighs as he shakes his head.

You scoff and nod angrily. “Yes, this again! Because I waited, you were my best friend! And I was alone! All I wanted was reassurance from you, and you left me alone…and now all I wanted was you to tell me what you feel, I would have loved the truth, but,” you pause and feign a laugh. “You led me on like you did nothing. Like you were doing nothing when in reality you killed my brother and lay with whores,” you spat out. You did not mean to. You wanted to hold it just for the sake of not sounding bitchy and hypocritical, but it hurts not knowing why HE did what he did.

Was he looking for just one little excuse to be with someone else? Have you not been enough? Were you not giving him enough attention? Enough love? Are you not beautiful enough for him?

It’s true you talked to Cregan in your year here, but only as friends before and after you married Aemond. You missed him but only when you felt alone here, but after Aemond made you feel loved, Cregan was a sweet memory of a first love. And now? You were hurt, you wanted to feel loved after getting your heart torn from your chest. You do not regret because that will tear you apart, and you do not want to deny what you did. You did it; you take responsibility for it, you won’t regret it especially because you felt happy in a dark tormenting storm…

But Aemond?

“Who told you?” He demands to know and at that moment proves Lord Larys’ accusation right.

“It does not matter who told me,” you sneer through gritted teeth. “You did it…You do it.”

Aemond drops his eye and his lips curl to a snarl before he answers firmly. “Not since you returned.”

You shouldn’t but you feel like someone is just crushing your heart.

“No…then what about last night? When you left.” You press for more even if the little voice in your head is telling you to stop fishing for more.

“You did not want to see me, remember?” He sasses you. “Was I supposed to stay here just to have you glaring at me?”

You snap your eyes to him and narrow your glare, making him avert his gaze and answer quieter.

“I was with Ser Criston for a time before I took care of those men that shot at your dragon while our son was strapped on your chest.”

The corner of your lips twitch, but that does nothing to win you over.

“And the other times,” he continues and takes a step forward to close the gap left between you by grabbing your face and forcing you to meet his gaze. “Meant nothing. It was nothing but comfort while I was tormented. I did not touch her the way I touch you, I did not kiss her in any way, my heart, my lips are yours. I am yours. It meant nothing,” he makes clear by pouring out his heart, and bringing tears to your eyes.

Yet your tears aren’t out of relief that he gifted you the confession that his heart only yearns for you. You start to cry out of guilt and…regret.

You did not want to feel regret. It was a cemented knowledge, but you are the bad person here. You are horrible for becoming one flesh with another man, for feeling love and appreciation for someone else who is not your husband. Perhaps what Aemond did was bad too, his affair was emotional, but that night your heart belonged to Cregan, and now…if what Helaena said was true then your sin might come to life.

How could you be so horrible?

Why did you have to dig for the truth? It would have been better if you just simmered in your jealousy, but now?

Gods.

You turn your head away to not face him, but he just moves his head in search of your teary eyes. And when he finds your gaze he wipes the tears off your cheeks and parts his lips. Yet nothing comes out but a punctured breath as his eye grows tender and bright like the stars and the moon that reign the sky, but infinitely more beautiful, and just for you to admire and cherish.

Profound enamourment also fills his eye and only works to make his confession of love louder without any need for words.

If only you could give it all in return. You can’t share that intense love because resentment and hatred are still very much alive in your heart. Besides, now guilt for what you did takes a space within you, only further pushing that affection.

“Come with me,” he beckons, much to your surprise.

“Where?” You ask.

“Out,” he only surprises you more. “In the city.”

You scoff. Is he being serious? Or is this some jest? He says the city at night is for delinquents to rage, you always have to force him out with you to do something fun.

“We shouldn’t, I—”

“Now it’s you who’s protesting,” he cuts you off with the corner of his lips perked. “Just come with me for the night. Please.”

You lower your face and remark. “You do not like going into the city. I always have to beg you to come out at night. Then again you have been out, so.” you remark bitterly.

Aemond slides his hands down to hold your shoulders and even if he is annoyed at your remark he insists. “I…just want to show you some fun,” he uses your own persuading words against you purposely.

“Aemond,” you protest and he grabs your face again to pull you towards him, making your eyes flicker to his lips just a hairsbreadth away, calling for your warmth and taste to reunite and mold back together like a missing puzzle piece.

“Please,” he insists softly and pulls away to offer you his hand.

You glance at his hand offering you an attempt at a rekindle and then look back at his eye and the sapphire glimmering against the candlelight, and it's almost like it's giving a hopeful glow in the same way his eye, his lips, and eyebrows express the hope that you will accept.

A part of you says no, you will worsen your guilt, and it won’t be fun if you’re bitter and hold resentment with each word, but also another part of you is too curious and intrigued by the fact that he's the one offering you a night out first and not the other way around.

Both sides fight a short bloody fight, with one choice coming out triumphant. But deep down was it so hard to choose?

As if attracted to a dark calling of temptation you give him your hand.

.

.

.

.

A/N- No don’t take us out into the city Aemond, you’re so sexy and smitten aha 🫣

Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic @lightdragonrayne @squidscottjeans @oh-you-mean-me @wallacewillow0773638 @icefrye19 @callsignwidow @thescottpack @fiction-fanfic-reader @crazymusicgirl104

[bratzkoo]

WGM episode 4 | dk

episode 4: the wedding

Author: bratzkoo Pairing: seokmin x reader Genre: fluff Rating: PG-13 Word count: 3.3k~ Warnings/note: fluff, fake marriage, and real feelings. cursing, seokmin curses a lot in his head.

summary: WE GOT MARRIED is back. Seokmin and Y/N pairs up to shoot 10 episodes for a special. Turns out, there are more things happenings off-camera than what meets the eye.

taglist (hit me up if you wanna be added): @ateez-atiny380 , @aeerio . @vernons-wifey12 , @odevote118 , @btskzfav , @codeinebelle

requests are close, but you can just say hi! | masterlist series masterlist | previous episode | next episode

[Opening sequence: Highlights from Episode 3, showing the family meeting and the "How Well Do You Know Your Spouse" game]

Narrator:"After meeting each other's families, our couple is taking the biggest step yet in their We Got Married journey—a symbolic wedding ceremony!"

---

Seokmin stared at his reflection in the dressing room mirror, adjusting his bow tie for the seventeenth time while a stylist noona fussed with his hair. The PD had instructed him to "act nervous," which was the most unnecessary direction in television history considering he was already five seconds away from spontaneously combusting.

[Interview]

"Nervous? Me? No, I'm completely fine." Adjusts collar while visibly sweating "This is just another day at work. A completely normal workday where I happen to be getting fake-married to Y/N Y/L/N. Totally routine." Nervous laugh "I mean, people get TV-married all the time, right? No big deal."

[End interview]

His phone buzzed with approximately fifty new texts from the members, who had been blowing up his phone all morning:

Hoshi: WEDDING DAY!!!! DON'T TRIP WHILE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE!!!

Seungkwan: I cannot believe they didn't let me sing at your wedding. THIS IS BETRAYAL.

Joshua: Remember to breathe.

Jeonghan: If you faint, we will never let you forget it. Ever.

Mingyu: I set up a betting pool on whether you'll cry. Don't let me down.

Seungcheol: See you at the altar. Try not to look too terrified when I officiate.

Wait, WHAT? Seungcheol is officiating? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

Seokmin frantically dialed his leader's number.

"Surprise!" Seungcheol answered cheerfully.

"You're the OFFICIANT?" Seokmin hissed into the phone. "Since when?"

"Since the PD asked if any of us had special talents, and I mentioned I got that online ordination certificate for that variety show last year. You know, the one where I married those two pandas at the zoo?"

"Those were people in PANDA COSTUMES, hyung! And now you're marrying ME?"

"Technically, I'm marrying you and Y/N. For television. Relax, I've been practicing."

"Practicing WHAT exactly?"

"My serious face. Can't have the leader of SEVENTEEN giggling while officiating a wedding."

Seokmin groaned. "Please don't embarrass me."

"I would never," Seungcheol replied in a tone that suggested he absolutely would. "Gotta go get into my suit. See you at the altar!"

The line went dead, leaving Seokmin to contemplate the new horrors awaiting him. Not only was he fake-marrying his crush on national television, but his LEADER was conducting the ceremony. The potential for mortification had just increased exponentially.

A knock at the dressing room door interrupted his spiral of panic.

"Ten minutes until you need to be in position," called a production assistant.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes until he would be standing at the end of an aisle, waiting for Y/N to walk toward him in a wedding dress, with vows to exchange and rings to place on fingers and SEUNGCHEOL OFFICIATING.

Oh god. The vows. THE VOWS.

Seokmin frantically pulled out the piece of paper where he'd written his vows, scanning the words he'd rewritten approximately thirty-seven times last night. They looked terrible. Clichéd. Boring. Completely inadequate.

"I can't say these," he muttered, forgetting the cameras were still rolling. "They're awful."

His eyes fell on the small music folder he'd brought with him—sheet music for the song he'd been practicing secretly, just in case his vows failed him. Singing was always easier than speaking for Seokmin. When he sang, he knew exactly what to do with his voice, his face, his emotions.

A new wave of panic hit him. What if singing instead of speaking was too much? Too personal? Too revealing? What if Y/N thought it was cheesy or over-the-top?

GET IT TOGETHER, SEOKMIN. It's just for a TV show. It's not a real wedding. You're not really getting married. This is all pretend.

But as he stood and took one last look in the mirror, straightening his jacket and taking a deep breath, it didn't feel like pretend at all.

---

Seokmin stood at the end of the flower-lined aisle, fidgeting nervously as the small audience of production staff and a few invited guests waited for the ceremony to begin. The garden venue was beautiful, with fairy lights strung through the trees and rose petals scattered along the white carpet that formed the aisle.

And there, looking unnervingly official in a perfectly tailored black suit with a ceremonial sash, stood Seungcheol. His leader gave him an encouraging thumbs-up that was simultaneously reassuring and terrifying.

Stay calm. Just breathe. Don't lock your knees or you'll pass out, and Jeonghan will never let you live it down.

The music started, a soft instrumental piece, and all heads turned toward the entrance.

And then Seokmin saw her.

Y/N appeared at the end of the aisle in a simple white dress that somehow made her look like she was glowing from within. Her hair was styled in loose waves with tiny flowers woven through it, and she carried a small bouquet of white and blue flowers.

Seokmin's brain immediately short-circuited.

[Interview]

Clears throat and attempts to look composed "My reaction when I saw Y/N? Very appropriate. Very measured. I think I maintained a dignified expression befitting the occasion." Footage cuts to Seokmin's actual slack-jawed, wide-eyed reaction "I was simply appreciating the... aesthetic choices of the production team. The dress was nice. She looked... presentable." Ears turning visibly red "It was all very professional."

[End interview]

He was vaguely aware that his mouth was slightly open, that the cameras were zooming in on his reaction, that he should probably close his mouth and attempt to look like a functioning human being, but all he could focus on was Y/N slowly walking toward him with a shy smile.

She's so beautiful. This isn't fair. How am I supposed to remember this is fake when she looks like THAT?

When Y/N reached him, Seungcheol cleared his throat with unnecessary gravitas and began the ceremony.

"Dearly beloved," he intoned in a voice that was clearly modeled after movie weddings, "we are gathered here today to join these two in... television matrimony."

There was a ripple of laughter from the audience, and Seokmin relaxed marginally. Maybe this wouldn't be a complete disaster after all.

"You look beautiful," he whispered to Y/N, the words slipping out without permission from his brain.

"Thank you," she whispered back. "You clean up pretty well yourself."

Seungcheol continued with surprising eloquence, discussing the nature of commitment and partnership—even fake ones—with an earnestness that made Seokmin wonder if his leader had been practicing this speech for longer than he'd admitted.

"And now," Seungcheol said, "the couple will exchange their vows."

This is it. Moment of truth. Speak or sing? Read the mediocre vows or risk everything?

Y/N went first, unfolding a small piece of paper. "Seokmin," she began, her voice steady despite the cameras. "I promise to laugh at your jokes, even the really bad ones. I promise to never rearrange the kitchen cabinets without consulting you first. I promise to be your biggest fan, both on stage and off. And I promise to remember that even in this unusual beginning, we found something real—a friendship I will always treasure."

Oh no. Her vows were perfect. Funny and sweet and thoughtful. And mine are GARBAGE in comparison.

Seokmin looked down at his paper, then back at Y/N, then at the paper again. With a deep breath, he folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket.

"I prepared vows," he said, his voice surprisingly steady despite the internal chaos, "but they don't seem right anymore."

He glanced at the PD, who looked momentarily alarmed before Seokmin continued.

"Instead, if it's okay, I'd like to sing for you."

Y/N's eyes widened in surprise, and Seokmin took that as permission. Without accompaniment, he began to sing a ballad about finding unexpected joy in ordinary moments.

At first, he was acutely aware of the cameras, of the crew watching, of the fact that this would be broadcast to millions. But as he continued, looking into Y/N's eyes, everything else faded away.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Seungcheol's expression shift from surprise to something softer, more knowing. Great, another person who's going to tease me about this later.

[Interview]

"The singing? That was... a calculated decision. Completely planned." Fidgets with hands "I weighed the pros and cons and determined that singing was the optimal strategy for maximum viewer engagement. It had nothing to do with the fact that I panicked and forgot all my words when I looked at her." Smiles unconvincingly "I'm a professional, after all."

[End interview]

When he finished, there was a moment of complete silence before Seungcheol started clapping, followed quickly by the rest of the audience.

Y/N was looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite read—surprise, certainly, but something else too. Something that made his heart race.

"That was..." she began softly.

"Too much?" Seokmin whispered, suddenly terrified he'd crossed a line.

"Perfect," she finished, and her smile seemed entirely genuine, not for the cameras at all.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur. Seungcheol guided them through the exchange of rings—simple bands provided by the production team that they would return at the end of filming. His leader pronounced them "married for the purposes of this show, but friends for life," which earned appreciative applause from the small audience.

"You may now seal your vows with a kiss," Seungcheol continued with a barely suppressed smirk, and Seokmin's heart stopped entirely.

A kiss? WAIT, WHAT? NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A KISS. WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DISCUSS THIS BEFOREHAND? WHY DIDN'T THE PD WARN ME? SEUNGCHEOL, YOU TRAITOR!

There was a moment of panicked silence as Seokmin and Y/N looked at each other, both clearly caught off guard by this instruction.

"We don't have to—" Seokmin began at the same time Y/N said, "It's okay if we—"

They both stopped, awkwardly laughing.

Seokmin, running entirely on instinct and adrenaline, leaned forward and placed a quick, soft kiss on Y/N's cheek.

Y/N looked relieved and touched at the same time, and the audience applauded as if this had been the plan all along. The PD gave a thumbs up from behind the main camera, while Seungcheol winked at Seokmin with absolutely zero subtlety.

"I present to you, the newlyweds!" Seungcheol declared, and Seokmin and Y/N turned to face the cameras, hands clasped together.

Walk down the aisle. Don't trip. Don't faint. Keep breathing. Left foot, right foot. Don't think about how her hand feels in yours. Don't think about how you just technically got married. Don't think about how you chickened out on a real kiss. JUST KEEP WALKING.

[Interview with Y/N]

"The song completely surprised me. I had no idea he was planning that. It was... really special."

[End interview]

[Interview with Seokmin]

Sitting up straight, attempting to look composed "The cheek kiss was a carefully considered artistic choice that respected the boundaries of our professional relationship while fulfilling the requirements of the ceremony." Clears throat "I weighed several options and determined this was the most appropriate course of action under the circumstances." Ears turning bright red "It was NOT because I panicked and couldn't decide what to do. Not at all."

[End interview]

[Interview with Seungcheol]

"Was I surprised he sang? Not at all. That's our Seokmin—when in doubt, sing it out. The cheek kiss though?" Laughs "That was the most Seokmin thing ever. He overthinks everything. But between you and me? I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at her."

[End interview]

---

The "reception" was a small affair in the garden, with a cake-cutting ceremony and first dance for the cameras. Seokmin had been dreading the dance, certain he would step on Y/N's feet or otherwise embarrass himself, but when the music started and she stepped into his arms, his body somehow remembered the basic dance steps he'd frantically practiced in his dorm room.

"That song earlier," Y/N said quietly as they swayed to the music, cameras circling them like sharks. "It was beautiful."

"Thank you," Seokmin replied, focusing intently on not stepping on her dress. "Sorry I didn't stick to the script."

"I like that you didn't," she said, and something in her tone made him look up from their feet to her face. "It felt real."

Real. The word echoed in his head dangerously. None of this is real. Remember that. The dress, the ceremony, the rings—all props for a television show.

But when Y/N smiled up at him, illuminated by fairy lights and golden hour sunlight, the distinction between reality and pretend blurred once again.

From the side of the dance floor, Seokmin could see Seungcheol watching them with a thoughtful expression, occasionally talking to the PD. Whatever his leader was saying, it was making the PD nod with enthusiasm.

The PD's voice broke through his thoughts: "Great, now let's get some shots of you feeding each other cake!"

And just like that, they were back to performing for the cameras.

[Interview]

Attempting to sound detached and professional "The reception was standard production fare. We performed all the expected rituals with appropriate enthusiasm." Shift to footage of Seokmin accidentally smearing frosting on Y/N's nose and then panicking while trying to clean it off "The cake segment presented some logistical challenges, but we adapted accordingly." Clears throat "Everything was executed with precision and professional focus."

[End interview]

---

As the sun began to set, the PD finally called a wrap. Most of the crew began packing up equipment, though a few cameras remained rolling to capture any "candid" moments.

Seokmin and Y/N sat at one of the small reception tables, both visibly exhausted but still maintaining their smiles. The fake wedding bands glinted on their fingers in the fading light.

"So," Seokmin said, acutely aware of the boom mic hovering nearby, "how does it feel to be fake-married?"

"Pretty much like being fake-single, but with better catering," Y/N replied with a grin.

Seokmin laughed, genuinely amused despite his exhaustion. "The cake was good, though."

"It was. And the company wasn't bad either."

Is she flirting or just acting? Is that a real compliment or just good TV? WHY IS THIS SO CONFUSING?

"I'm sorry about the cheek kiss," Seokmin blurted out, immediately regretting bringing it up. "I just didn't know if—"

"It was perfect," Y/N interrupted gently. "The right choice for a TV wedding."

For a TV wedding. Right. Because that's what this was. Just television.

Seungcheol appeared at their table, having changed out of his officiating outfit into casual clothes. "Great job today, newlyweds! Very convincing."

"Thanks for not embarrassing me too much, hyung," Seokmin said dryly.

"Me? Embarrass you? Never." Seungcheol's innocent expression wasn't fooling anyone. "Though I did think about adding some childhood stories into the ceremony."

"Thank god you didn't," Seokmin muttered.

Y/N laughed. "Save those for Episode 5. I want to hear all the embarrassing Seokmin stories."

"Oh, I have plenty," Seungcheol assured her with a grin.

The PD approached their table. "Great work today, all of you! We got some really good footage. You can change, and we'll wrap for the day."

As Y/N stood to head back to her dressing room, Seokmin noticed a small flower that had fallen from her hair onto the chair. He picked it up, turning the tiny white bloom between his fingers.

A production assistant approached. "We need the rings back before you leave."

Reality crashing back yet again.

"Of course," Seokmin said, sliding the band from his finger and placing it in the assistant's outstretched hand. Just a prop. All of it.

[Final interview]

Sitting straight, voice deliberately measured "Today was a successful production day. All key scenes were captured effectively, and I believe the audience will find the episode entertaining." Brief pause, professional facade slipping slightly "And yes, okay, it was kind of nice. Weird, but nice. If I had to get fake-married for a TV show, I'm glad it was with Y/N." Quickly recovering "From a strictly professional standpoint, of course."

[End interview]

---

With the cameras finally off and the last of the crew packing up, Seokmin waited by his manager's car. He'd changed back into casual clothes, his face scrubbed free of makeup, looking very different from the polished groom of a few hours ago.

Y/N emerged from the venue, similarly transformed back into her everyday self, though to Seokmin she somehow still had that same glow from the ceremony.

"Need a ride?" he offered, gesturing to his manager's car.

"I have my own," she said, pointing to where her manager waited. "But thanks."

They stood awkwardly for a moment, neither quite sure how to end this very unusual day.

"So," Seokmin began, fidgeting with his car keys, "I'll see you for the next filming?"

Y/N nodded. "Episode 5. The cooking challenge."

"Try not to set anything on fire this time," he teased, referencing her pasta disaster story.

"No promises," she replied with a laugh.

Another awkward pause.

"I meant what I said," Seokmin said suddenly. "In my song. I know it was just for the show, but... I meant it."

Y/N looked at him for a long moment, her expression unreadable in the dim parking lot lights. "I meant my vows too," she said finally. "Especially the part about the friendship."

Friendship. Right. That's what this is. A friendship developing alongside a fake marriage. Absolutely normal and not at all confusing for his poor heart.

"Goodnight, fake husband," Y/N said with a small smile, turning toward her car.

"Goodnight, fake wife," Seokmin replied, watching her walk away and trying very hard not to analyze every second of their interaction.

"You're so obvious," came Seungcheol's voice from behind him, making Seokmin jump.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Seokmin defended automatically.

"Sure you don't." Seungcheol patted his shoulder sympathetically. "Just remember, the show doesn't last forever. What happens when the cameras stop rolling?"

With that uncomfortably perceptive question hanging in the air, his leader walked away, leaving Seokmin with even more to overthink.

Later that night, lying in his actual bed in the dorm, Seokmin stared at the ceiling, his mind replaying the day on an endless loop. His phone buzzed with a text.

Y/N: Thanks for today. Your song was the highlight. You've set the bar pretty high for fake husbands everywhere.

Seokmin stared at the message for a full minute, typing and deleting multiple responses before finally settling on:

Seokmin: Just doing my professional duty. Though I'm pretty sure I now have "Most Improved Fake Husband" on lock.

Y/N: Definitely. Gold medal in the Fake Marriage Olympics.

Seokmin: I'd like to thank my fake wife for her support and the choreography team for those dance lessons.

Y/N: 😂 Goodnight, singing groom.

Seokmin: Goodnight, glowing bride.

He set his phone down, a ridiculous smile on his face despite the voice in his head repeating: It's just for the show. It's just for the show. It's just for the show.

But as he drifted off to sleep, the tiny white flower from Y/N's hair—which he'd kept and carefully pressed between the pages of his lyric notebook—seemed to suggest otherwise.

[profilerclra]

Oh no, i love him. Pt. 2 | Spencer Reid x Bestfriend!Fem!Reader

more fluff !!

find part.1 here!

content: Spencer calls reader stuff like "honey" (yes, I am obsessed w pet names), Mutual pining, Reader is an overthinker (just like me fr).

warnings: none

--

The day before, you and the team had finally arrested the unsub that was threatening your best friend. You hoped to get a good night of sleep after one week of horrible nightmares, well that's not what happened. 

Instead, as soon as you lied down, your head now started to remind you of everything that went down the previous day. You and Spencer, what almost happened, the awkwardness during the whole day, how you two basically didn't speak the rest of the day, the way the team were staring at you both… You were scared that your friendship was ruined, scared that everything was a misunderstanding and now Spencer thought you were a creep. 

"Fuck this" You say, accepting that there's no way you would sleep, getting up and heading to your living room to at least watch something to pass time until you had to go to work. 

You turn on the TV, and notice that the channel is playing an episode of doctor who. 

"Very funny universe" You say, it's like Spencer is everywhere around you. The cardigan you stole from him on the coat rack, his favorite book that he annotated for you on the coffee table… You can't escape him, and there's no way you're losing him. 

You watch a couple episodes, a few moments later you look at the time. It's 5:30, you start to get ready, have your breakfast and head out to the office. Besides your attempts, you still arrive early, being the only one already in the office besides… him. 

"Couldn't sleep either? " You say to Spencer taking him out of the focus on his paperwork and setting your things down to your table that was close to his. 

"Yeah, there's a lot on my mind to be honest" He says, looking up at you

"Mine to…" You say, grabbing a chair to sit down next to him. "Spence, we really need to talk. I need to tell you something" 

He does not answer, just maintains eye contact, waiting for you to continue. You take a deep breath, gathering courage It's now or never, you'll never know if you don't ask. 

"Ok, yeah… I love our friendship, I really do, it's like top 5 best things that ever happened to me. I don't know what a would do without you, and if you don't... agree with what I say I really need us to continue the same, I cannot do this job, hell I can't exist without you" 

You take a deep breath, gathering courage It's now or never, you'll never know if you don't ask. "But I don't know if I'm delusional, but there's no way this - You point between you two - is just friendship love. And this felling has been driving me crazy for months now, and I need to know and if you don't feel the same that fine. What do you actually feel for me, Spence?" 

Your heart feels like it's coming out of your chest, the seconds before he answers feel like hours and then he just… Starts laughing

"Fuck you Spencer" You say as you see the man laugh in front of you, you expected that he would not reciprocate your feelings but laugh at them was at another level. 

"No, honey, I'm sorry, it's just… Isn't it obvious?" 

"Not really, Spencer" You roll your eyes at him and cross your arms at your chest 

"Darling…" He says, putting his hands on both sides of your face, looking at your eyes, "I don't think there has been a single day on my life since I met you that I haven't been in love with you" 

As soon as he finishes that sentence, you feel your heart skip a beat and your stomach drop. You lean in and kiss him deeply, and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close. You both stand there, embracing each other. You have never felt so loved.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday amazing readers and wonderful fandom :) Writers put themselves right back on course with this one. Returning to a balanced and all around amazing episode. End to End. It's been their thing this season and I'm happy to return to form with this one. The giving season continues to give with this episode.

I'm truly so satisfied with this season it's unreal. Once again can see why Eric said it's his favorite. Why they had the cast in such a social media lockdown about it. It's been worth every bit of waiting and hold out from the cast. We've been # 1 on Hulu every week it seems too. So I hope that trend continues this week with this ep. Makes me giddy to see us on top. Love to get some S8 news next month, but until then let us break down this gem of an ep shall we?

7x11 Speed

We start out with Lucy missing that sweet T.O. money already. Awww. I'll be honest I didn’t think about her losing her pay cause of stupid Seth. But it makes sense since she is now Rookie-less lol Heh I love her spending that extra money on self care. That’s the best. Also very Lucy to do so. It's fantastic. Proud of her for doing that. It's not an easy thing to do tbh.

I love her face as he hands her the file at the beginning of the scene btw LMAO Always say it's the little things I love between these two. *happy sigh* So much said in such a little glance between them. If you don't catch it you'll completely miss this cute exchange. Also it frees his hand up to look sexy af just hanging out on his duty belt. So thank you for your service Lucy ha

I will say her comment about her budget reminds me when she tried to get Aaron on one back in 5x14 LOL Tim telling her to just go to T.O. permanently then. I mean logically that makes sense. She would crush that test and then some. Tim knows it too. So that'll restore that extra money she is currently missing.

I knew she would be hesitant to do this because of losing focus on the Sergeant exam. Honestly I don't blame her. She was derailed a bit by T.O. in the first place. Although it did lead her to this Sergeant decision. Also training another rookie would take a lot of her time. Like to note even though Tim is giving her sass about training a new rookie, his body language shows that he is intently listening to her and I love it.

They're in their usual lock step as they make their way to roll call. Always floors me how they do that. Tim trying to find the words to describe Ridley and Lucy beats him to the punch. I mean he was that and more for her oh my lord. Was a hell of a first rookie for her. So can't say I fault her for being hesitant to dip her toe back in.

Hahahaha 'That is a horrifyingly high ratio.' LMAO It kinda is tbh. Not doing her any favors here love. Or convincing her to go back to being a T.O.... Lucy is firm in her decision to focus on Sergeant instead. That it'll just give her peace of mind instead of doing something else to detract.

Tim has to give her one last sassy comment before they part. 'Guess that means bye bye cleaning lady.' I love these two idiots so much I cannot stand it. Their banter is unrivaled. Ain't no one got what our ship does in just banter alone. Damnit I love these fools.

Look at Tim giving the same Sergeant speech Grey gave him so many moons ago in 4x02. to Lucy. Saying how she needs to learn to supervise from the sidelines. To delegate if she's wanting to be one. Look how far you’ve come my love. It's the little steps of growth that make my heart happy. Also loving the amount of scenes they’re having this early on in the ep. I knew was gonna be a good one.

Like a gift after last week's low amount and unbalanced ep. I LOVE him letting her practice being a Sergeant. To call the shots today. Like an advanced version of PCD for her. Lucy getting excited and pushing her luck like only she can do with him. Asking if that means she gets to drive? Tim sensing this and shutting it down. Naturally he wouldn’t let her drive haha Her face. So rare when he allows it. hehe These two dopes just low key flirting most of this episode.

Angela calling Tim 'Timothy' on the radio LOL Telling him not to be such an ass. I love this episode. Only two women he would allow to be that forward with him are in this convo. Lucy being wifey af rips the radio from his hands and he allows it. Cause well it's Lucy.

Of course she has a good idea. I mean selling stuff suckkkksss. Especially when it has value, but if it saves a job you love it’s worth it. Also loving all the hand touching with the back and forth of the radio. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you two...Bickering like an old married couple as they advise poor Miles.

Hahahaha look at the growth in our boy. Calling himself an ass when Lucy calls him out for his comment. Fantastic. Although I always enjoy his pot shots at Nolan LOL (Sorry John you have been much better this season) This new Tim delights me to no end every week in so many ways I cannot even tell you.

I'm a happy girl. As is Lucy. She has a smile for days for Tim this entire episode. Look at her when he says his line. Couldn't love that man more if you tried my friend. Seeing that change in him and loving it.

Oh my, Tim calling her Sergeant Chen. *fans self* That did things to me holy cow. Loved hearing him call her that. Also the confidence she is exuding when he does. Letting her lead this entire operation. Not questioning a single thing she does either. How far we have come fandom. How far we have come. Always love watching her be a friggin kick ass leader when given the chance.

Oh Lucy you are so much more of a BAMF than you ever give yourself credit for. I love how Tim doesn’t allow the pot shots at herself. Refuses to let her sit in that for even a moment. Reminds her of how she saved him back in 6x10. That SHE IS a bad ass. Making her smile with his sass. 'You're right....Totally lame.' God I love s7 Tim fandom. I can totally cross off 'Seeing a new side of Tim Bradford.' off my bingo card confidently.

Look at her smile. He did that. By building her up. Not letting a single second go by without him reminding her how amazing she is. Also Lucy you would've jumped even if there had been ten bombs. Why? Because it was Tim you were jumping to my girl. Just adore her smile after he makes his playful joke. She is melting everyone. Slowly but surely. Especially with moments like this. Keeping showing up for her babe. She is noticing and liking what she sees.

One of the best parts of the episode right here. Let us begin to dissect this glorious shop scene. Let me start with the 5x08 vibes I was getting from this scene. Some of their best moments are in a shop together. Most truthful and honest moments. Love when they have pod car eps. We always get such good scenes from it. Iconic ones.

Their body language alone is enough to make my shipper heart happy. The way they check in on each other when the other isn't looking. Gah I love these idiots in love. The heart eyes are plentiful in this scene. First off let me say I'm so glad she crushed being a Sergeant. Not at all like her detective run. No complaints from Tim. Came naturally to her. 'Ordering around people is one of your gifts.' The man isn't wrong....

'I've never heard you complain.' LOL Lucy Friggin Chen. Oh my lord The subtext in that line had my head spinning. ZERO doubt in my mind Tim ever had issues with her bossing him around. At work, In their relationship, In the bedroom... Where I am sure this flirty line stemmed from. That's just my opinion though....The flirtatious nature of that line and his devilishly happy smile right afterwards proving that IMO. ‘I don’t mind.’ Heh he sure doesn’t….This man is all giddy smiles most of this scene. Making me lightheaded with shippy joy. He is glowing in this first portion. The man couldn't be more in love with her if he tried. Or be happier to be in this light flirty place with her.

Lucy is getting flustered af with Tim's forward flirting. His smiles and not holding back at all. Letting her know he is A-OK with her flirting with him. Transparent Tim is sending her into a tailspin in the best way. It's making me insanely happy. He is just being candid with her and she is feeling it. Has no where to go but face the music in this moment. This woman just navigated a potential bus bombing as a Sergeant no sweat and it's the man to her left that is her undoing.

Once again, he is all smiles as she tries to steer her way out of this flirty situation she's put them in. His cute 'No idea.' I cannot. Also ‘Just co-workers’ my ass Lucy Chen. You will never ever be just that. Tim is enjoying this ramble so very much as she stumbles her way to her point. I think it is HUGE she is letting Tim know she’s not looking to date or has any interest in doing so. And of course he has zero himself. Man is a walking 'I love Lucy Chen' Billboard.

Has been all season and will continue to be as such. Now we all knew this. (If you didn't then this scene will help resolve that pretty quickly) Knew there was no way these two would go looking for anyone else. They are each other's endgame. But just like Tim going to therapy and working on himself. Getting the actual proof of hearing it makes it so satisfying. Just like it was in 7x07. Physically hearing them say it is literal ship crack right now. Hearing the confirmation from the both of them is EVERYTHING. We are headed in the right direction people.

Lucy continues on with her 'boundaries.' They need to have. Which they do need to have until this is truly sorted. Till they have that talk. Tim letting her know he respects them and will continue to meet her where she is at. Which he has done a masterful job of throughout the season. Never pushing her or trying to get her to talk more than she is ready to. Respecting what she wants to give him and thriving off of that. Continually showing up for her. Which has led up to this wonderful moment. Lucy reminding Tim that she still hasn’t fully forgiven him yet. As she should honestly.

That’s a deep wound he needs to remember he caused, and it remains ever-present. One he still needs to fix. That they're getting there but it's not quite healed yet. His soulful ‘I know.’ Is everything. Eric getting me right in the damn feels with it. It's very loaded with emotion and heavy. He is extremely aware he still has ground to make up with her. Penance still to be had. I love that he knows it and is telling her as such. They're being so open and vulnerable I wanna cry with this progress. Lucy’s reply is wonderful. Saying When not IF but WHEN she does. This is massive. We all knew she would get there. Because it's who she is to forgive of course.

But also she is seeing the change in Tim. How consistent it is. That it's not going away. There hasn't been an episode this season he hasn't shown that change to her. She still loves this man so much and he is slowly making his way back in. So much so that she is saying 'When' instead of If. The shift here is monumental. Her following it up with 'Maybe you can come help me study.' The subtext is unreal. It’s quite the olive branch. His smile is so cute and he is delirious with joy. He couldn't be happier with this reply. Keep putting in the work babe. This is the result. Heart eyes abound at the end oh my lord. Look at these two. Eric and Melissa convey SO much with just their heart eyes. I'm flying high.

If that final scene wasn't enough. That PROMO. OH. MY. LORD. Just coming by with flimsy excuses, just to have her way with him whenever she damn well pleases? Ok! Sign me up haha. He sure as hell is not gonna say no. Clearly. They messy and I don't hate it. Especially after that final scene. Also Lucy showing up looking like a bombshell. Holy hell. How could he say no? I mean she could show up wearing a paper bag and he would be panting after her. Let's be honest.

But legit her goal from that 5 seconds we got was to come and seduce him. I don't know what's going on or what is prompting this scene but I'm excited. Feral Caitlin is going to make an appearance if we're getting Half naked Tim in sweatpants at home. and he looks GOOOOD. Phew lord. I love this season everyone. Every week is a friggin joy. My happy place truly delivering in so many ways.

Thank you forever and always to my incredible readers. I would not be here without you. Thank you for every like, comment (seriously love chatting with you all. Come chat) and reblogs of these first impressions. You are the best. Shall see you all in 7x12 when we lose our minds over whatever is happening. Looks like it'll be a solid ep all around as well :)

~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

Poor Miles LOL learning all his lessons the hard way ahaha Tim making his ass run for their coffee and their shop.

Always enjoy Nyla and Angela in the field. Gimme that all day in an ep I'll be happy.

Celina handled herself like a bad ass. AND got a Tim compliment in the process. He don't give those out lightly unless your name is Lucy. and even then took her some time to crack him for it. The continued growth astounds me in him.

Wes being adorable worrying about Angela. Love me some Wopez.

Oh and Monica is back least important info of the ep haha Was hoping we'd see Oscar before her but oh well. She's back I guess. Yay....