#i cannot help but emote

[melxhunter]

I feel like there are a lot of people out there who needs to hear this:

If you dropped out of school because of diagnosed (or undiagnosed) ADHD, Autism, ADD, OCD, Dyslexia, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders, schizophrenia etc… You did not fail. The education system failed you.

[lotus-pear]

whatever happens, please don’t break

[myoonmii]

I keep thinking about Merlin’s love for Arthur and how it’s so clearly portrayed in the show to the point that it practically drives the plot of the show. However when it comes to Arthur’s love for Merlin it’s more subtle and sometimes difficult to even grasp, and I started thinking why that was, aside from the obvious fact that Arthur has a lot of trouble expressing his emotions affection or otherwise. I think it also lies in the fact that Merlin knows Arthur intrinsically throughout the show; he is one of the closest people to Arthur, and sees him for who he really is. Arthur admits as much.

Sure, Arthur knows Merlin but the main part of the plot is that he really doesn't know Merlin. Merlin wants him to desperately understand him and “see me for who I am” but he can't yet. And I think this subconsciously creates a barrier in the way in which Arthur can care for Merlin, and how Merlin can let himself be seen by Arthur.

Which is why I think he was also so hurt when the magic reveal happens because more than the betrayal of Merlin having magic, it was the betrayal of Merlin not letting Arthur see him for who he really is and for hiding a main part of himself. Arthur says it himself “why did you never tell me” that’s what hurt him the most.

I think the most damning piece of evidence for this is the fact that while we see snippets of Arthur’s feelings for Merlin thought the show, the biggest signs are in the last episode after the magic reveal; in which he finally gets to understand Merlin, and this time REALLY know Merlin, and as the barriers of what held them back from understanding each other truly fall away, Arthur evidently “falls in love with Merlin all over again”. We see him actually express himself to Merlin.

This is another reason why I think if anyone was ever to create another season of Merlin after Arthur’s return, it’s physically impossible not to make it about Merlin and Arthur acknowledging their feelings for each other. Because there is no way forward without them acknowledging how deeply they care for each other, obviously anyone is free to argue what kind of love that is, but its impossible not to see the deep love there either way.

They always knew they loved each other, just maybe never realising how much and what that means, because its almost second nature to everything that they do.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

💙❤️Happy Holidays!❤️💙

[oloreandil]

as a chronically ill person with asthenia and particular ways of speaking, i've always felt uncomfortable with how Frodo is treated as a weakling and a wimp by so many lotr fans. not only does it ignore how insanely heavy the weight of his burden is (regardless of how constantly the narrative and characters repeat it in like. extremely plain terms), but it often leads to ableist comments of "well other characters were in pain too and they dealt with it better, AND without whining all the time :/"

however, listening to the audiobook, i'm only now realising why i don't like the treatment of Sam's deference to Frodo and their interactions during their quest. yes, you can absolutely do a class analysis of their relationship (Frodo is his "master" in the aristocratic sense of the term, and the narrative treats is as a quality that he "knows his place" - subservience). yes, Frodo sometimes lashes out at Sam unjustly (which is treated as bad by the narrative, again very plainly)

but, and i cannot stress this enough, having a Sam by your side as a disabled person on any kind of adventure is literally the only way to stay alive. Sam notices his health fluctuations, is on the lookout for ring-symptoms that Frodo may not even have noticed yet, makes sure that Frodo has the accommodation he needs to be in as little pain as possible as they live through the great evils of their time... Frodo relies heavily on Sam's support. like any disabled person on a year-long march would need to. especially when your condition keeps worsening

it feels so incredibly loving and revolutionary that, in Rivendell, when he sees Frodo awake for the first time since Elrond healed him of the Morgul blade, Sam takes Frodo's left hand in his and shyly says he's glad it's warm again. i don't think Frodo knew how cold it'd gone, or thought anyone else had noticed, and indeed the narration moves on quickly. but those moments are constant and deeply touching. it's hard to articulate just how accurate Frodo's journey is to my own disabled journey, and how profound it is that Sam's care is foundational to saving the world

[hanzajesthanza]

“what does geralt get from that friendship…”

another post examining the weight of geralt and dandelion’s friendship… because i don’t think people recognize how painful and debilitating loneliness can become.

the witcher as a deconstruction of the genre takes fantasy tropes to their most logical ends—it asks us to consider what The Lone Swordsman feels, looks into the humanity in a Cold-Blooded Killer. and it turns out he’s not cold-blooded at all.

that despite some superhuman abilities, he laments and worries and curses himself, just like any other worker of any other profession. just as the farmer is scorched by the sun, the washerwoman’s back aches, and the scholar goes half-blind studying, a witcher deals with all of the pains and annoyances and dangers of his job in a mundanely human way.

but the farmer, the washerwoman, and the scholar have something the witcher does not have—they’ll always be seen as human and part of their society. at the end of the day after enduring all of their labor, they have their wife to caress, festivities to attend, and taverns to frequent. but for a witcher? after the killing is over, what does he have? no one and nothing. not even a thank you. he is met with fear and hatred everywhere he goes, baseless bigotry and dislike.

I did my job. I quickly learned how. I’d ride up to village enclosures or town pickets and wait. If they spat, cursed and threw stones, I rode away. If someone came out to give me a commission, I’d carry it out.

so he faces not just loneliness, but being deliberately ostracized and cast out from society. geralt can’t even find a polite word in most settlements, much less a friend.

‘(…) Tell me, where should I go? And for what? At least here some people have gathered with whom I have something to talk about. People who don’t break off their conversations when I approach. People who, though they may not like me, say it to my face, and don’t throw stones from behind a fence. (…)’

this kind of loneliness is not a mere inconvenience. it’s completely altering to your self-perception and ability to see the positive in the world.

each day is not lived, but endured.

day in, and day out—forced to the most difficult and lowest labor in order to survive, and knowing that were you to die, no one would search for your body, few would miss you, hell, they might even spit “good riddance”.

in this situation, to find a friend, is not only friendship, but a rescue.

without dandelion, geralt may have drowned—drowned in solitude, amidst a sea of strangeness.

‘(…) And I’m alone, completely alone, endlessly alone among the strange and hostile elements. Solitude amid a sea of strangeness. Don’t you dream of that?’

No, I don’t, he thought. I have it every day.

because dandelion is not only a bright soul, characteristic rippling laughter and the strum of a lute, but someone who will intently listen to geralt, someone who mutually enjoys his company.

‘(…) you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion. Until then, you only had your horse for company.’

someone who doesn’t see him as strange and at the fringes of society at all, but as an utterly normal man.

and doesn’t impose demeaning, sappy sympathy onto him, but sobering and realistic “quit your bullshit” which ridicules the very thought that he should internalize societal hatred.

Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. (…) [You don’t understand that] for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal.

dandelion isn’t “willing” to accept geralt for himself—he already has accepted him. and to him, it’s no difficulty, it’s nothing worth discussing, because he sees no abnormality and no strangeness in him.

while others “prefer the company of lepers to witchers,” dandelion has already offered geralt to share his room and board. not out of sympathetic pity, not out of fetishizing curiosity. because… they’re friends.

and what else does this friendship save him from?

not only from others, but from himself.

worse than enduring others’ apathy and hatred is one’s own thoughts—the darkness and negativity which builds from witnessing and experiencing such behavior.

dandelion’s ability to counter and dispel geralt’s pessimism and self-flagellating tendencies—again, not out of pity, but out of friendship—is undeniably invaluable. someone to rescue you from your darkest thoughts, when you begin to spiral.

and in this darkness, all you can do is cry. you cry, beg for someone to help you, please—

Help! Why doesn't anyone help me? Alone, weak, helpless – I can't move, can't force a sound from my constricted throat. Why does no one come to help me? I'm terrified!

to be alone, the saga reminds us, is worse than a death sentence. to be alone is to “perish; stabbed, beaten or kicked to death, defiled, like a toy passed from hand to hand.” to be alone is to suffer, and to be with someone is to save them from that suffering.

'(…) I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-'

'You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?'

The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.

'You travelled with him,' she said finally. 'Thanks to you he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him.'

it is true that geralt has saved dandelion countless times, helped him, gotten him out of some scrape… but to ask what did geralt get in return? are you kidding me?

did you ever consider that it is dandelion who saved geralt?

by being with him. by being by his side. by being his friend.

indeed, dandelion has rescued geralt, countless times, from the yawning jaws of endless loneliness. he’s helped him, chased away the danger of geralt’s own rumination. and he’s gotten him out of scrapes, his own insecurities and bitter helplessness.

so what does dandelion give geralt? what does geralt get from their friendship?

an amusing question. what one gets from friendship is the friendship itself. and that is more than enough.

[louroth]

Hello hello everybody! It is time for another months progress, and I am so excited to share with you, all the things I have gotten my grimy little gremlin hands on. First off, what we are all here for; writing. I have been on fire, to be honest! Last month I churned through the last of the first batch of erotica stories (there's 6 (!!!) of them on my patreon already) and set them up for publishing along with two more unseen ones- I'm still going over the logistics of where to publish for the best revenue (I know this sounds boring, but I have to make an income somehow, and hopefully find another audience as a smut writer on other platforms 💀 I love writing it so why not!), and I am making headway, learning the ins and outs of self publishing. On patreon, there are also two Q&A's that are written in a bit more fictional manner, in character: a more fun way than just writing answers straight up and down. I have enjoyed those so much! There's a bunch of other stuff I haven't even mentioned- honestly, I have to say, I'm really proud of my output on Patreon even though I have been really anxious about writing full time. It's going great! I have to thank my new friends and support-network on discord; you make this all worth it. I cannot express how fun it is to shoot the shit with you in vc, gaming together, or seeing your shenanigans in gen or your in depth theories (thanks for the brainworms!) or memes or staring longingly at the fanfic channel or drooling over your art (ouro related or not) or... Gah. You are just amazing people, and I will waste no opportunity in saying so. Thank you forever and ever and ever an-

When it comes to OUROBOROS, I am happy to announce that the next chapter is damn near done! I was halted because of the discovery that dashingdon is no longer supported by it's creator, and have been working on the twine version ever since, earlier than I expected- it's tough work, but I am so excited to make this an actual game made entirely by myself, and not submitting to a company that quite frankly leaves a bitter aftertaste. It is taking long to make because I want to make it mobile compatible from the start, which there isn't a lot of resources for. But I'm doing my best! The plan is that I will be posting the next chapter for Patreons in the coming month, and then treat you to a full twine release here on tumblr. I haven't made any rewrites when porting the twine build, but I would like to do that too... so we will see; this plan is not set in stone. I will just have to see how it evolves over the next month. Yes, beta-readers is still on the schedule, just holding off a little while while I wrap my head around this new coding landscape.

Other than that, I have been working on the set aesthetic for ouro, which has been really hard, a lot harder than I expected. You all know I am no wizard when it comes to graphic design, but I want to at least develop a set palette and imagery and portraits that is cohesive to the story. The work is ongoing, and I don't have much to say about it- even though it is taking a lot of my brain power. I'm hoping I can come to some kind of set and in depth conclusion that I am happy with before the twine release, because I want the game to feel like a treat to open up and play; a world to get lost in.

That's it! If you want to see weekly and more in depth dev-logs, you know where to go. I hope you have an amazing day or night, and we will see each other soon. xx

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

Miss ma'am this is NOT how you react to a marriage proposal from this man. You stop this right now!

Ahem. Not me, talking in my head (or out loud) to characters on a tv screen...

In other news, the potential Adar/OC fic officially has a name! Now I just need to find the time to write it (and work on my other WIPs instead of doom-scrolling on Tumblr 🤭🤭)

[xysidhequeen]

I know in your Red Knight AU, Jason when on the rampage in another realm, after finding out that Batman replace him with another Robin.

Did Danny manage to be there for him during that time?

He did! Danny was always there for Jason. He actually wanted to chase after Jason immediately, but luckily, the first thing he did was panic call Jazz, absolutely out of his mind. Jazz promptly told Danny to let Jason have some space for a little bit to process.

Which was for the best, really. Jason needed to not feel like he was trapped and that he could be angry. He never really got that before. But the most important thing is Danny came after him and brought him home. Jason needed to feel like he could be angry, but also, like his anger wouldn't mean he'd be punished or abandoned. It was a very delicate time for him, but Danny, Jazz, Sam, Tucker, and all our favorite ghosts made sure Jason knew he was very much wanted still. And that he was utterly irreplaceable.

Skulker handled this by breaking all of his weapons and suits overnight and saying he didn't know how to fix them. (Jason very much knew what he was doing, but the time spent on fixing things helped ground him)

Ember handled this by announcing that she couldn't possibly ever sing ever again unless her only other band member was there (Still very obvious, but music time with Ember usually devolved into very necessary crying time. A lot of ice cream was consumed)

Johnny and Kitty handled this by getting into a MASSIVE fight and refusing to speak to each other unless Jason mediated. (This actually was far less obvious, as the two tend to get into fights often. No one is actually certain if the fight was fake or not to this day, but they also haven't broken up once since and Jason is incredibly proud of that)

Fright Knight handled this by.... well, actually, he took the blunt approach and told Jason there was no one in any realm dead or alive he'd ever consider worthy to be his apprentice besides Jason. (This was highly effective as Frighty has always been bluntly honest with Jason. He didn't wholly believe it but it was a comfort. Frighty then beat his ass in a spar and he didn't think of much else)

Basically, everyone was there for Jason. Not just Danny. Jason was made to feel like his anger and hurt were valid, because they were. But he was also not just told, but shown how precious he was to every life he touched. He didn't get it, not at first and he struggled to really believe it.

It wasn't until later, after Danny opened up more about his own trauma and the effects it had on him that Jason actually began to somewhat understand more of what Jazz meant when she said Danny was getting better. He pieced more of the story together from the others to paint a better picture, and that's when it clicked for him. As much as he needed Danny, Danny had needed him just as much. (Clockwork may have had a hand in this as well, but whatever those two talked about, no one will ever know)

Also, as an aside, once everything calmed down, Danny was very pleased to learn the rebelling realm was now back under control and quite terrified of the Ghost King and his Knight. It saved him so much paperwork.

So yeah, this was a bit all over the place, but hopefully, it answers your question. Team Phantom and the ghosts are basically a very large family, and they might fight and bicker, but they seriously pull through and muster together if anyone is hurting. They're a bit clumsy sometimes with it, but the love they all feel is very obvious. I really, really wanted to give Jason a much more healthy origin story into becoming Red Hood than he got in canon. The poor boy went through enough. It was past time for him to get to heal.

Jason still has some hangups. His abandonment issues are still there, and his fear of rejection. But it's not as bad as it was, and because he'd been allowed to express his anger without being punished(or enabled, anger is a fine emotion to feel. But you should never let it consume you) for it, he figured out how to manage it.

He might still slip now, and then, he has trauma, and that won't go away. But Danny will never, ever let him fall. Neither will the rest of the weird little eclectic family they've built.

[procrastiel]

not to freak y’all out but I am secretly so scared about season 3 because if Neil can give us the most heart-stopping kiss in the worst case scenario then what else is he capable of, what if they’ll end up together after the 2nd coming but not in a good way, like what if they’ll be made into stars forever to twinkle beside each other but not corporeal so they can’t kiss or futouch or what if god gives them an opportunity to become fully human and they’ll have their cottage in the South Downs but they’re bound to die one day and I wouldn’t be able to handle a super cheesy happily ever after ending either but I don’t think Neil would do that, but I know he read the Lord of the Rings and that ending with Arwen & Aragorn and Frodo & Sam completely destroyed me forever and what if-

[aelswiths]

*screams into the void*

[wraenata]

Pillow attack courtesy of the @tapakah0 army

I missed the battle. I passed out under the pillow. Sorry :(

(Thank you for the pillow attack though!)

[aroaceleovaldez]

Every description about Nico (especially the canon ones) describing him as “cold” can personally fight me. Nico is jaded, yes, and often closed-off and sometimes stand-offish and defensive but he is not "cold”. He cares SO SO SO MUCH about EVERYONE. He loves and cares with his entire heart constantly and that is a core part of his character. He doesn’t often make public shows of his affection but he takes care to be kind when it matters and doesn’t hide that he does care (usually, the only exception really being him being in the closet, but even then he only hid his crush specifically and not the fact that Percy is important to him). He fine with hugging his friends in front of a crowd and will sit with strangers at a campfire just so they’re not alone. I mean, heck, he’s an extrovert! We know this! He actively seeks out people and gets lonely very quickly and easily! If he can’t talk to living people he will chat with the dead! That’s how much he thrives on being social!

The only time Nico has ever been actively “cold” was the couple of months between TTC and BoTL when he was actively mourning Bianca. Nico is not “cold.” He loves so much and he does show it, just in his own way.

[padfootastic]

please say more about jilypad + diverging parenting styles... perhaps even a possible scenario >:) i imagine harry has very cunning tactics for using this to his advantage

helloooooo <3 thank u for this ask bc i love talking about these three and harry. i went looking thru the archives to find this post; my first foray into this side, and really, i’ve never looked back after that.

so i’ve talked ab this a bit before but i fully think that james was a very overprotective ‘mother hen’ type parent. i tend to read his behaviour in lily’s bday letter to sirius as being scared of his child on a broomstick and i fully, fully think he’ll never be able to let go of that as harry grows up. he’ll be anxious and suspicious and paranoid, and his first instant will always be to wrap harry up in cotton wool and hide him away. (i low-key connect this to his childhood as well; going from being spoiled and sheltered to dropped in the middle of a war, black & white thinking, living in extremes etc etc makes it v hard for him to be Normal about his child. as he shouldn’t be, really, but yeah) that’s why he thrives during the initial years; he never minds the hard parts of being a new parent, loves it in fact, and it makes it better that he can keep harry close to him at all times w/o coming off as a helicopter parent (not that the notion bothers him ofc).

it’s good, then, that he has two partners to even the scales, no? i think lily was the most…balanced out of the three. she had a relatively normal childhood, grew up in a working class family/neighbourhood and had to deal w adversity from a young age so she’s developed a nice, thick skin. she also has a sibling with whom she has a v rocky relationship so she knows that kids are, ykno, a bit unhinged. and a little bit of hardship is not a problem. i hc her as needing time to get used to parenthood, unlike james who stepped into it natural as breathing, or even sirius who loved harry on much on first sight that it made up for everything else. ofc lily loved her son, but it didn’t come w the same blinding intensity of her partners and made her feel really shitty in the beginning. but, i think she’d shine during his teen years actually, because she’s not overbearing or intense and becomes the quiet, calm strength that a hormonal, spotty teen boy would probably need.

and sirius <3 our poor baby falls in love with harry, perhaps even more quickly than james, with such startling speed that it shakes his entire foundation. he doesn’t regret it but he’s constantly discombobulated. i also imagine that…it takes him longer to settle into the role of parent, esp bc he’s not biologically one ykno? not like it matters to anyone, ofc, but it takes him a long time to truly accept his authority and place, to believe that he has just as much right as j&l to be there, to parent harry. this has the consequence of him always being more indulgent than the other two; after all, he considered himself a godfather before a parent and a lot of that thinking stayed. he lets harry get away with stuff the others might not (and the little mf figures this out later); some of it also comes from sirius seeing so much shit, and facing so much shit himself, that he rationalises a lot of stuff as ‘well, this isn’t the worst it can be, so what’s the harm’ (because his life has been such a roller coaster that he’s forgotten that not everyone’s like that, if that makes sense?)

its obviously not this clear cut but i imagine harry looks at it like this: if he needs unconditional love, he goes to james; rationality and logic, lily; acceptance and calm, sirius. when someone has to be beat up for hurting harry, james steps in. if he needs help burying a body, it’s sirius. dealing with some asshole boss/teacher/classmate’s mother who’s making harry’s life hell? lily. i can keep going but,,,u get the idea, right? this makes sense, i hope lol

i actually think harry’s first birthday is a great example. sirius pushes the boundaries by gifting lil harry a broom; james loses his mind running after him; lily places an industrial sticking charm on harry’s butt, leans back with a glass of wine, and enjoys the show. even as he grows up, lily and james act as the disciplinarian, and sirius is the emotional outlet. all of them fill in each other’s cracks so well, and it’s only when harry grows up that he realises how effortlessly they worked off each other to parent him.

also oh man o man. harry being cunning is,,,,,see, i’ve not considered it this far but it makes perfect sense. i think canon harry actually had so much manipulative energy and it’s often overlooked for his goofier traits but! this is the same dude who used his dead parents to trick slughorn into revealing sensitive info! imagine if that could be channelled into his jilypad interactions 😈

it’s like, it takes him a bit, because his three parents r so smooth, but once he realises that all of them have certain weak spots, he does NOT hesitate to exploit them. (it has the unintended consequence of truly strengthening the jilypad relationship into an unbreakable one bc one thing their kid taught them is to have ironclad communication going at all times so nothing they’ve said, or not said, is used against them). so like, he knows if he wants to sneak out to a party, it has to be sirius and in a specific way—‘i’ll be totally safe, papa, plus i really wanna see what it’s like and idk when it’ll get a chance to again’. if he widens his eyes to pitiful levels, pouts a little, and blinks faster than usual, then james is putty in his arms as long as he’s separated from the other two. divide and conquer becomes the main tool in harry’s arsenal, actually. lily’s the toughest nut to crack, purely bc she doesn’t run on emotions or irreverence, but harry soon learns that if he comes up with a solid, logical case that proves his argument has unbiased merit then he has a good chance of getting her to say yes. (this is good, bc u can arrange words in the correct order, but u can’t always control emotions)

so overall yeah, you’d think one kid + 3 parents would be an easy bet, but harry keeps them on their toes all the fkn time.

[blushing-blushy]

hmm, just thinking about how Jon would be actually and horrifically traumatized during s3. he got kidnapped and tortured for a month by an evil mannequin (yeah we joke about the lotion but imagine what they had to do to keep him from trying to get out - tied up much of the time, allowed to sleep?  maybe - forcefed probably or at least extremely malnourished - probably beat up a few times at first by our lads B&H when he tried to escape - and probably honestly wishing for death - i mean 100% my guy would accept Michael’s offer, this man had been through hell and needed a quicker way out. god.). oh and then he also was nearly killed by Daisy, serious enough to leave that damn scar, and had to help her bury a guy she HAD killed. and then Jude Perry and all that horror that a bad burn causes - at home therapy i imagine to get any kind of feeling back into his dominant hand, i mean hell, he probably became somewhat ambidextrous at that point...

i just think about this so much. he goes through so much hell, and Tim hates him, and... just.  i mean Martin is there but Jon’s hardly there enough to really see him. no wonder Georgie tells him to talk to him, he’s basically the only other person at the institute who even treats him like a human. he’s probably so traumatized by touch at this point that he can’t be touched at all without thinking about Nikola or Daisy. and heaven forbid him being ok with shampoo or soap or aloe for his burns because it reminds him of being manhandled by inhuman hands. 

i just... it makes me so sad. A+ jonny sims for writing a character more horror-appropriate than this man. 

[authoricdemon]

Thinking about ghost narratives again. Specifically about ones that are about someone who is the only one who can see the ghost(s). Whether played for laughs or drama, they always have something about what they left unfinished. Whether they never got to complete their life’s mission or never got to make up with someone important. Because death steals away our endings. But then someone who is living can see them and interact with them. And they can help give the ghost(s) and their loved ones some sense of closure.

And I think that’s an important emotional story to tell.