#please handle with care i cannot handle the negative emotions

[wraenata]

Pillow attack courtesy of the @tapakah0 army

I missed the battle. I passed out under the pillow. Sorry :(

(Thank you for the pillow attack though!)

[sorendeimos]

In the quiet hours of the night... his mind is deafening.

How I perceive Severus Snape, part 2 | part 1

Notes: Go into this understanding that to Me, Severus is deeply flawed and broke and trauma filled. There are parts of him I see as soft and squishy, covered by hate to keep Them from bruising. If you don’t like that, do not read this. Otherwise, enjoy.

TW: Mentions of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, sex, physical and emotional abuse, poor mental health, death, manipulation Please do not read if you cannot handle these topics. This part is a lot lighter than part one, though it still has a few sore spots.

Positive Attributes

𖤐 studious and driven, severus is someone to have on your side when you need information. He likely already knows what you need and where to find it. 𖤐 severus is attentive, noticing things you likely didn’t. This often leads to him giving support before needed or compensating for things ahead of time. 𖤐 severus is quite witty and funny, he’s often cracking jokes, but his deadpan tone often makes Them fall flat. 𖤐 severus is incredibly thoughtful, especially when giving gifts. He observes people constantly, and his gifts to others on holidays or birthdays are often times things that are so touching, it's staggering.

𖤐 moments of bliss 𖤐

Negative Attributes

𖤐 severus is so incredibly stubborn. Once he has an idea to do something, well, he will not give up, even if doing it causes him personal harm. 𖤐 severus doesn’t sleep well, so he is constantly grumpy and snappish. 𖤐 severus has terrible social skills and a carefully black tone and expression. This often leads to him coming off angry, mean, or spiteful. 𖤐 severus wears his distaste plainly. It’s clear if he hates you. 𖤐 compliments are earned, to him, so you doing well or being kind to him often doesn’t come with thanks or praise, which can make him seem standoffish. 𖤐 insults are his way of expressing love and care.

𖤐 severus as song lyrics 𖤐

Musical tastes

𖤐 severus never stuck to one genre or another. The music of her youth is that chosen from discard or discount bins. 𖤐 lots of the music severus holds dear is music that is a gift or a moment of perspective shifting.𖤐 her favourite music to brew to us, classical OR absolute rubbish noise music. It depends on what is brewing, delicate potions get the latter. 𖤐 severus owns multiple band tees, also usually discounted, all unknown.𖤐 severus gets a lot of Her love for classical music from ballet classes with Lily. Her favourite pieces spawn from duets they created or performed together and she still hums them to herself often.

𖤐 severus’s playlist 𖤐

Severus has a dynamic relationship with music, it’s typically all around him either playing in his head, him humming while working, or playing out loud while he brews. His tastes are varying, vast, unexpected and usually not the same day to day.

Severus’s clothing

𖤐 for a very long time, clothing meant absolutely nothing. Clothes were a means of covering herself and keeping warm or staying cool. It isn’t until years down the road, probably around 14 or 15, that style mattered. 𖤐 severus, after a day of ballet class, went into town with Lily to hunt down some new leotards and, on a dare, tried one on. It was tight, constricting. She loved it. Lily bought her the leotard and some tights. 𖤐 from that day forward, the pair of them would find and try on anything and everything, Lily gaining a love for baggy cargo pants and jeans, severus a love for dresses and skirts

𖤐 Pinterest outfits severus would wear 𖤐

╰⌲ teens

╰⌲ twenties

hobbies

𖤐 severus has very few hobbies and usually things that were found to be creepy or entirely unexpected 𖤐 they can draw, often doing flowers, bugs, or creatures in the margins of their textbooks and adding art to assignments. 𖤐 severus also does ballet with lily and has for years. The two of them have done duets, individual performances, and won awards. They practice during the school year in a neglected wing that the two of them transfigured. 𖤐 severus also paints, plays piano and violin, can sing, writes long-winded essays on long forgotten topics, and speaks four languages besides English. 𖤐 the languages: German, Latin, Korean, and French.

End Part Two

[sebluvi]

Calm Before The Storm

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

~Based on a request I received. Requests open!~

Sebastian Sallow x fem!reader

House neutral

Kinda spoilers for endgame, but I twisted it in my own way so its not exact!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Sebastian tries desperately to prevent y/n from charging into a deadly battle.

Word Count: 1.3K

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Brimstone and rubble spiraled through the air, and the force from the speed of the wind sent you and Sebastian’s hair flying in all directions at once.

Dark, tall towers of stone and rubble sat on all sides of you, and behind you was a steep cliff.

Flickers of bright red sparks crackled through the air like electricity forming a gigantic powerful cyclone.

You could faintly hear the sounds of your exasperated professors calling Sebastian’s name somewhere far away in the cave.

He shouldn’t be here.

Just HOW did he get here?

You had your feet planted firmly, battling the speeds of the winds against your body, balancing yourself so you wouldn’t topple over the edge. Your back faced the cliff, and your wand at the ready, while Sebastian faced you.

“Y/n, please.” He yelled over the howls of the wind, straining his voice.”-I’m begging you. Don’t do this!” He held his hands out towards you, inching towards you ever so slightly, trying to coax you off the edge.

You furrowed your brows at him, taking a step back. Your hair rippled wildly through the air with the wind. The longer you stood there, the more rubble that would whiz past your face, leaving the smallest cuts on your skin.

 You winced, closing your eyes tight. It stung. You opened them again, glaring at Sebastian.

“Sebastian. This is what I’ve been working towards for months! This is my chance, I have to!”

A loud thunderous roar rumbled through the air. You quickly whipped your head around behind you, Ranrok’s ginormous dragon-form flew into sight, its large wings somehow managing to make the wind fly faster in the cave with each flap of its wings. He soared through the air, flying down and landing on the platform. It seems as if the distraction the professor’s made earlier only lasted for so long. His glowing red body seemed to creak and groan as it moved. The dragon stretched its neck into the sky and sent out a horrifying screech.

You looked back in front of you, and Sebastian stood there with a terrified, pleading expression on his face. Sebastian trusted you to be fine on your own in battle for the most part, but he had only seen you fight mere poachers and ranrok’s loyalists. This was a fucking unknown magic infused dragon!

“I’ve already lost Anne. I cannot lose you too. Please, let the professors handle this, y/n!” He took another step towards you reaching his hand out once more.

You took one more step back, feeling the stone cliffside crack beneath your feet ever so slightly, you glanced down quickly at the ground noticing you didn’t have much more space to move. You darted your vision back to him,

“This is my fight! Not yours, not the professor’s, not even Merlin’s! Sebastian you have to understand! I was born for this!”

Another screeching roar thundered through the air, signaling Ranrok was about to make his move. You looked at Sebastian. This was your last chance. You couldn’t let him get to the reserve. Sebastian was almost close enough to touch you, but he was being careful not to apply too much weight on the edge of the cliff. He was being extremely cautious and calculating about every move he made.

His hair flew wildly in all ways, and bits of rubble had started to accumulate in his hair. He had small thin streams of blood trickling down his face caused by the few minor scratches on his skin resulting from the flying fragments of stone soaring through the air. His robe aggressively fluttered behind him as if he was about to take flight. His eyes were willed with all sorts of negative emotions.

Sad and pleading.

Desperate even.

You wished you could drink in this sight of him, stand there all day and count his freckles.

You wished you could reach out and take his extended hand and just go back to the comfort of your common room, but you couldn’t afford to think like that right now.

Especially since this could possibly be the last time you ever saw him.

You lifted your hand up that wasn’t readying your wand, and used the sleeve of your robe to wipe the tears that were beginning to fall down your face, resulting in smearing the blood that was also on your face over your cheeks.

You were sure you looked ridiculous, but he thought you looked amazing.

Sebastian winced at the feeling of the stone hitting his face, and raised an arm to shield his face from the ever-growing winds.

 “Please. You still have time to turn around. Think about this, y/n”.

“No. You think about this Sebastian. If I don’t do this, we could both die. Good people will die, Sebastian. I’m sorry. I’m doing this to save the world. To save us.”

He took one step closer, finally close enough to touch you. He raised the hand he wasn’t using to shield his face and gently grazed his fingers against your flushed cheeks. The touch lightly stung from the small cuts on your skin, but you welcomed it. Small fragments of rubble grazed the top of his hand as he held it up. His hand moved slightly, cupping your cheek, and he took one step closer. He used his arm to shield both of your faces. He titled his head to lay his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes.

“You’re my world, y/n.”

You looked up at him, tears pooling in your eyes, desperately hoping this wouldn’t be how your last encounter played out.

Sebastian removed his forehead from yours and stared at you at eye-level, hand still cupping your face.

"I know you don't care if you get hurt but I do! I really fucking care if you get hurt! Or worse! I know you’re putting your life on the line to save everyone, but what about us?!”

You stuck your wand back in your waistband slowly, and raised your hands to lay them on his chest.

“Sebastian. You’re being extremely selfish right now. This is bigger than us. I’m sorry.”

You frowned, and glanced down at his lips.

You closed your eyes, and pushed him with both hands harshly, resulting in him being shoved backwards and the ground below you crumbling as you slipped off the edge of the cliff.

The wind rushed through your hair and robes as gravity claimed you. The site of Sebastian’s horrified face grew smaller and smaller each second your body flew through the air backwards.

It actually felt peaceful.

The calm before the storm.

 You closed your eyes, and let your ancient magic consume you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

A/N: In case it was hard to gather from the way i left it, Y/n did not fall to her death. She used her ancient magic to land in an extremely badass graceful way (!) before the final fight.

Requests open, let me know how you felt about this oneshot in the replies! Every comment inspires me to write more.

And yes, pt 2 of love sick is coming

[aphrodieties]

https://www.tumblr.com/aphrodieties/733813072220864512/hi-sorry-to-bother-you-but-im-having-some

Hi sweetie! I’m the anon from the question I linked above. Thank you so much for your answer! Please don’t be sorry for replying late, it should be me who appreciate your time and patience!

I’m sorry I didn’t get back earlier, I was so overwhelmed with the school and application stuff, and I also wanted to really understand and experience what you’ve said in that post.

I kinda get it now. I only need to fulfill myself with the feeling of academic success, and that’s all. I tried to fully live in imagination but I kinda cannot get over the need to revise the transcript physically. I’m afraid this transcript will follow me forever physically. Ever since I got my transcript, I refused to believe it’s actually happening to me, because it’s really terrifying, I may end up getting kicked out of school or no graduate school would accept me…I even haven’t told my parents about the grade thing, so whenever they asked me for the transcript I couldn’t give them, but I can’t fool them forever, that’s why I was so desperately to change my transcript physically.

I’m sorry if this sounds like trauma dumping. I didn’t intend to be this negative at the beginning, I got more and more anxious when I’m writing this. Please ignore me if you find it too negative sweetie, you don’t have the responsibility to answer this!

You are human and you have emotions—it’s completely fine to feel afraid. I get where you're coming from, and you're not trauma-dumping either. There are a few things that you must know; you are completely right to refuse to believe what's happening to you. You’ve got the hardest part down! Do not accept that which you do not want, and you do not want a terrible transcript so you're not gonna accept this one as written in stone. The next steps would be as follows; 3D indifference, taking care of business, and maintaining the state of the wish fulfilled.

I have said this in a previous ask and I feel a bit lazy about recycling responses but I cannot stress this enough; The 3D is not sentient. It has no meaning other than the meaning that you attach to it. Think about the meaning that you're currently attaching to the 3D right now—the meaning that you're attaching to this transcript, “This transcript will follow me forever physically,” “They’ll kick me out of school,” “No graduate school is going to accept me because of my transcript,” these are the meanings that you're currently attaching to the 3D. @etherealkissed88 has an amazing guide about practicing indifference. I've linked it here and I recommend that you read it.

I have mentioned this before too but you don't need to neglect the 3D. Tending to the 3D is not a betrayal of the Law of Assumption, and as long as you aren't attaching any meaning to what you do then you'll be fine. For example; I’m manifesting that I’m a billionaire, and I currently work a minimum-wage job, and I’m working-class. I still work long shifts, and I still pay my bills though I'm manifesting that I'm a billionaire. Why? Because it means nothing. Keeping my bills paid and working isn't a contradiction as long as that's all it is to me. If I attached any further meaning to working long shifts and paying my bills such as, "See! You're not a billionaire,” “You’re still struggling to make ends meet so you're not a billionaire,” etc…, then that would be a betrayal of my imagination and the Law Of Assumption—it would be contradictory to my state too! So, handle your business and do whatever you need to do to take care of the situation with your parents and transcript but don't attach any meaning to it.

The last thing I'm gonna say is—persist, continue to persist in the state of the wish-fulfilled. Persistence pays off, and maintaining the wish-fulfilled pays off. The 3D will reflect as long as you continue to do these things. Please, continue to maintain the wish-fulfilled.

[fandomsoda]

…

[Heed the fucking tags, this is a severe expression of severe emotions, if you cannot handle these things please do not proceed for your own safety. Seriously. Please. Please do not hurt yourself by viewing this, especially not if you’re only reading for my own sake.]

@ myself

stupid fucking idiot can’t do anything right, no one wants to talk to you, you don’t deserve that, can’t get anything done on time, fucking idiot keeps being antisocial and expecting people to want to talk to them, just an attention seeking crybaby without the stability or decency to even be awake when everyone else is, can’t go back to sleep, can’t control its emotions, doesn’t deserve anything. Can’t even work on your own passion projects because you’re wrapped up in escapism. You wanted to do that birthday art, didn’t you? Really fucking bad, right? Didn’t even have an idea of what you were going to do yet. But you fucking couldn’t, you held it off and then fell asleep and now you can’t do it because it’s not that day anymore no matter how much you fucking want to do it and can’t even muster up the energy to do it before anyone notices because you’re too busy being a crybaby. And no matter what words of encouragement one gives you or tells you it’s ok to get things done late, it won’t help because your stupid little brain won’t let it be ok, it won’t let you do things if you fuck up. Stupid and useless fucking animal that lashes out at every hurt or inconvenience, everyone is fucking scared of you because you’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to communicate. No one finds you interesting, people don’t like to consider you, and they will all exclude you if they can. How dare you ask for accommodations that inconvenience your friends? They’re far better than you are, they shouldn’t have to change anything for a beast like you. Oh what’s that, you wanna go ask for a hug? From who? You know hugging your family won’t help, and none of your friends are people you can meet. Fucking loser couldn’t even make friends with people who live nearby. Probably because you’re holed up in your little house in the suburbs living a better life than most of the people around you and yet you are still just an ungrateful loser. You have it so much better than everyone else, why do you think your emotions matter? Save your tears for someone with real problems. You annoy and inconvenience others around you, everyone finds you annoying. You wanna play the game in your own way? What a fucking idiot, everyone is going to hate you for that, it doesn’t matter what you say, deviation from the norm is only for people who can do it right, which is basically everyone but you. Do you even have a personality behind all those interests? I bet you fucking don’t. Let’s see, aside from fandoms, you’re… a leftist? Ok but that’s not a personality trait. It can reflect a personality, but it’s not one. Let’s see- you care about people? That’s it? Nothing else that isn’t a negative trait I’ve already berated you for? Ok. Well how about you care about people in a way that doesn’t make you nitpick and freak out and ruin the vibe for everyone? I didn’t think caring too much was possible but damn you make it look easy. And you’re so fucking brain dead you forget what you say seconds after it’s out. And even after all these debilitating emotions you’re still gonna go out of your way to give all your energy to help someone else when you have nothing left to give and you refuse to give it to yourself? Damnit, you never learn. Constantly full of selfish desires yet so self-sacrificing for people who wouldn’t and shouldn’t do the same for you.

pathetic mutt of a human being.

[harunrabbani]

Polarisation: The Impact of the Palestinian/Israeli Crisis on British Teenagers

Entire communities are being polarised, and if not dealt with appropriately, may have long term and permanent consequences on the lives on individuals and our entire society.

The current crisis in the Middle East has serious repercussions in the UK. In this article aimed at senior leaders at secondary/high schools and colleges, I will discuss some of the important issues that teaching staff may wish to consider should they choose to help their students navigate these difficult times.

Please be aware that the purpose of this article is not to discuss the ongoing conflict in Palestine, but the impact it is having and is likely to have on teenagers of school age in Britain.

In the 2011 census, out of the 3.5 million children under the age of five, 320,000 were identified as Muslim. These individuals are now young adults. The proportion of the overall population who identified as Muslim increased from 4.9% (2.7 million) in 2011 to 6.5% (3.9 million) in 2021. It is clearly a growing community that cannot be ignored.

As a result of the recent geopolitical crisis, there is a significant rise in both antisemitism and Islamophobia. School leadership teams (SLT) are all too aware of this and have their work cut out.

How can teachers handle the emotional tsunami hitting teenagers' lives?

Everywhere they look, young adults will be hit by news of tragedies and loss. Social media. Television. Radio. Newspapers. You have to live under a stone to avoid the flood of stories coming out of the independent and mainstream media.

Young Muslim men and women will feel disenfranchised, disempowered, and disconnected. Having grown up in Britain, I know what it feels like being treated like a pariah despite your innocence.

The worst thing to do is to ignore the emotional turmoil and internal clashes experienced by British Jews and Muslims alike. It's not just Muslims who are affected. Children of Jewish descent and unconnected are witness to the hostilities and the propaganda on all sides. This is why helping young adults address their mental health issues is incredibly beneficial in this climate.

From my own experience as Muslim growing up in 70s and 80s Britain, I know my own family and community could have benefitted from support rather than being ignored.

Here are some suggested ideas your students may wish to consider:

1. Calm Yourself

Despite all that's going on around you, make sure you remain calm. We make better choices and take responsible actions when we are calm and collected. Do your best not to let your emotions guide your decisions and actions.

2. Talk with Others About How You Feel

Do not let your emotions fester. Talk to somebody whom you trust and respect to act as a good listener. Whether it is a pastoral member of staff or your local Imam, make sure your voice is heard. Your voice matters, and so do you.

3. Take Care of Yourself

In difficult times, we often forget to pay attention to our own needs. So take care of yourself by eating well, resting well, getting plenty of sleep, and being around people you love.

4. Avoid Using Alcohol, Drugs, and Tobacco

These substances magnify negative emotions and make you feel even more disconnected. Reliance on these leads to poor choices. Poor choices can have lasting effects that are difficult to undo.

5. Have a Daily Routine

If you already have a daily routine, make sure you stay with it. For many Muslim teenagers, the act of daily prayer is a powerful antidote and practice that keeps them levelheaded and calm.

6. Get Involved in Your Community

We all need social connection and the safety of community. Engage with your local community, school group, mosque community or local charity. Volunteering your help and support for the betterment of others will make a difference to others and to you.

7. Get Help if Symptoms Persist

If your mental health has been severely affected by current circumstances, please seek professional help through the school, Mosque, or doctor. Do not ignore your mental and emotional health and well-being.

8. Be there for your friends

If you're trying to help a friend, listen and find out where they are in coping with difficulties. One of the most significant impact you can make is NOT by giving advice, but by being a good listener. No judgment. No prejudice. You'll be surprised at how much it benefits your friend by being a good listener. It will benefit you, too.

Despite what many may lead you to believe, the impact such crises has on young lives is neither a Muslim nor a Jew nor Christian nor an atheist thing. It is a human thing. Teachers already have too much of a burden on their shoulders as it is. Unfortunately, this is another one that they must carry. I certainly hope they will.

Conclusion

The ongoing Middle East crisis is sending ripples across the UK, affecting students from various backgrounds. It is a critical time for school leaders, teachers, and communities to come together to address the emotional challenges these young individuals face.

Ignoring the turmoil within British Jewish and Muslim communities is not an option. It's a moment that demands empathy, understanding, and active support.

By providing students with practical guidance and a listening ear, we can help them navigate these tumultuous times, ensuring their mental well-being and a more resilient future. Let this be a call to action for all of us, to stand with and support the young minds that will shape our nation's future.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About Harun Rabbani

Harun Rabbani is a highly experienced professional speaker, workshop leader, and award-winning trainer. With a wealth of expertise in empowering students and helping them navigate challenging situations, Harun is committed to making a meaningful impact on the lives of young individuals. As a British Asian and Muslim, he understands the clash of values, challenges and solutions that unite people rather than divide.

To learn more about Harun's talks, visit harunrabbani.com. Harun also delivers bespoke training days for teaching staff.

[tnlbarth-blog]

Aug 31 2023 - 3:31pm

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

It's my birthday today. It makes me happy to know I've made it this far in my life. There were plenty of times where I did not think I would be here to see this day. So being able to look into a mirror and see my 32-year-old face is a welcome sight.

This birthday is a special one. Because I get to celebrate it with my pet and best friend Star. It doesn't seem like such a big deal until you find out that she was diagnosed with mammary cancer last November. She hasn't been doing so well the last few days and so I was concerned that she would not make it to today.

This birthday is my favorite one so far. And is by far the quietest one I have had in quite some time. Which I know sounds a bit backwards for most but for me I have been absolutely enjoying myself. I like that I can sit in silence with just my cat and relax.

With everything that has happened since my last birthday I have to say I am very pleased with how I have handled myself. I went through a good portion of stress. But I have a positive attitude. To be honest the positive attitude shocks me. I didn't have to work for the positive attitude and I didn't have to squash down any "negative" feelings or emotions by disassociating or dissociating. That is one of my biggest accomplishments this year.

This month has been a crazy ride. I have been learning to speak my mind. I have been learning how not to people please. And I have been able to set and hold boundaries. All things that I have needed to learn and master for a long time. So I am very proud of myself for that as well. Also this month I have been listening to my intuition which I have found to be a vital key in learning how to live a more positive life.

Even though this year has been tough with taking care of my wonderful kitty and recreating myself after leaving three toxic relationships, I have come out the other side smiling and loving not only myself but the people and animals around me. I had never considered that being the abundance I was asking for. The joy and gratitude I have for who and what I have right now in my life is great. It's hard to express how truly grateful I am right now for what I have.

I cannot imagine what this next year will bring to me but I do know that it will be even more amazing than before.

Regards

TNL Barth

[honeybeewhereartthee]

My Darling Dolls 01: Mayoi Ayase

<previous || Table of content || next >

Mayoi is your first doll, he been with you since childhood. His not kin of showing his oddness or living doll self in front of you but his willing to help you out in some assignments if you left it out in the room with him and some minor things he could help out.

he sometimes would sing you a lullaby when your having a bad dream. Sometimes his smile change but not as drastic for you to compare that it change.

Everytime the little you says I love you, he can transform into a human form because you care so much and love him. But he would only appear as the same age as you are.

Through, he won't appear directly in front of you in human form because he fear that he is too unworthy to be seen in such form that was only possible because of your love for him.

When your really alone and no one would play with, he is willing to show up to play with you in human form he have keep hidden.

He don't want you to cry from loneliness and being bullied by others for bringing him anywhere and everywhere. BUT he don't want to be seen by others because he might suddenly turn back being a doll out of fear being seen in his 'disgusting' and 'ugly' form. But either be a human or a doll you would always treat him the same.

It took him few years before admitting about the fact of him being one of those rare "Darling Dolls" that could become human if love and care enough. They were mistaken as haunted dolls but they are both different type of dolls. Yet they could be if they are overwhelmed by hate and negative emotion, such as having an owner abandoned them, or treated wrongly.

Mayoi previous owner is a bad owner, they don't care enough for mayoi and call him ugly and disgusting, they ruined mayoi doll body (that you later fix when you have him). Thats why he have a low self esteem since the start.

But mayoi can never imagine harming children or anyone just because they did him wrong, he would rather be left in the dark to not be seen by anyone with his unworthy form.

He was nickname a phantom or demon doll because of how he was made.

He said he was made with another three in a batch called 'alkaloid'. He worries about his batch mate if they were treated like him with how his first owner have treated him.

He wish to find them one day or make sure they are fine. As he was one of the first of the three in group. He felt responsible as the elder to find them one day, but he can never bother you or force you to help him.

MC: don't worry I'll find them, so you won't be lonely!

You promise him with eyes with determination and pure innocent. Mayoi almost felt like melting as you gaze him with those kind of eyes.

Mayoi: y-you really don't have too..

MC: I insist! Because I want you happy! I love you, mayoi!

You kiss the doll head as you happily says this.

Suddenly something pop and the doll become human. A handsome young man with long dark purple hair hair tied in a braid and a familiar black ribbon. Shaken surprised blue eyes stared back at your own, red paint pasted on his face from the kiss you just did.

Mayoi:....

MC:... 👁️ O 👁️ ✨

it's the first time in a long while since mayoi appear in his human form in front of you, it don't occur to you, he could be taller than you are. Before you can look at his feature more, the humanoid doll already back to his doll form, and quickly to crawl to your bed and hide beneath it. Scared that you would now judge him for his looks. He cannot bare to hear you say such words.

He would rather hide and not hear it. He fear his heart cannot take such pain if so, even if you won't say such words. Being gaze and stared by you is enough to send him to bad state where he cannot handle the mess he might make. It's not a bad thing, his just so embarrassed about it.

Mayoi: p-please. Don't stare at those eyes, I cannot take it...

MC: but your good looking! Like those idols! Your pretty since long ago but your too shy to appear before me. =3=

you went to reach out to the shrinking and shy doll under your bed, when you manage to gasp him, he froze but when you see he have dust around him, you quick to dust him clean.

Mayoi: b-because I'm unworthy...

MC: you aren't. >:'( stop saying that.

You nag him before you stood up and is going to the bathroom.

MC: Now it's time for a bath.

Mayoi: b-bath...?!

Mayoi suddenly felt like his going to die from embarrassment when he think about it. He forget that he always keep himself undust and clean so this kind of sceneries wouldn't happen, but he was so dumb to forget such fact, now his dusty and dirty. He going to take a bath with you. Doll or not he felt he cannot handle such thing!

Through a bath with you made him think of many scene that probably would sent him to hell, and overload his mind to the point, you could see smoke come out from his head if this is a cartoon show.

MC:... Can dolls Faint? Lol. But this is mayoi, so probably.

You stare at the unmoving doll in your hands as you open the door to the bathroom. It seems that Mayoi has fainted.

You did clean him up softly and dry him up with towels and hair dryer, just like a YouTube tutorial says how to care of plush dolls.

You stared at the doll as you thought about the dolls he speak of, maybe tomorrow or the next free day, and you go and search for those three.

[mochikage]

avoiding him  |  iwaizumi.

i made these into hcs bc i forgot how easy they were <3 

As much as you hate to admit it, Iwaizumi was almost as popular as Oikawa. The only difference between the two is that Oikawa looked welcoming and not at all intimidating. He didn’t have the resting bitch face that his best friend did. 

You loved Hajime, he’s been your neighbor and good friend since the two of you were in elementary school. So many sleepovers with him and Oikawa with coordinated jammies. 

You were bound to have feelings for one of them at some point. It was unavoidable. You just wished it was Oikawa. He would have been so much easier to confess to. Liar. You’re just a pussy and any other option seems better at this point. 

So, long story short, you have a crush on your childhood friend, how cliche

You’re able to ignore your feelings for the most part. It’s not like the two of you spent too much time alone. Usually, Oikawa would be there on your walks home or when you would hang out but the times that he wasn’t, you really felt like your nerves would cause you to combust

Things go well, until your stomach started feeling funny even when Oikawa was there. Until you started blushing when Iwaizumi was just standing by you. 

So, you did what any young dumb honey bun in your situation would od

You started avoiding your best friends 

You stopped showing up to the practices to watch them play (you mostly did your homework and waited for Oikawa and Iwaizumi to be done so you can all walk home together)

of course this doesn’t go unnoticed by either of your best friends

but you don’t give them the chance to confront you

Iwaizumi has tried calling you almost every day or tried to facetime you to see if you wanted to do homework together (which was really just the two of you doing your homework but being on the phone together) 

You denied all of his calls

Oikawa was not as easy to give up, especially seeing how it’s affecting his best friend both mentally and on the court 

Oikawa knows Iwaizumi likes you, even if Iwaizumi doesn’t know it yet

and he’s starting to suspect you like him too, especially with how react differently seeing Oikawa alone in the halls vs with when he’s with Iwaizumi. He’s never seen you move so quickly in the opposite direction

Oikawa himself is starting to get anxious because the qualifiers for nationals is coming up and he needs Iwaizumi at his BEST.

and he misses his two best friends all hanging out with him :(

After a month, Iwaizumi has HAD IT. He is FED UP(tm) 

He was fed up with spending alone time with Oikawa. He was fed up with walking to and from school with only Oikawa. And he was fed up with not seeing your stupid cute face everyday. He’s over it. 

He wakes up extra early one morning so he is able to go on his run and get ready for school. He goes to wait outside your house because he knows you’ve been leaving early to avoid them. To avoid him >:(

He waits there for maybe half an hour before you’re rushing out the door. You don’t see him at first, not until you hear his voice.

“Hey stranger.”

He would laugh at your reaction if he wasn’t so bothered by your behavior in the last month or so

“Iwa...hi..” You’re basically the shocked Pikachu face

You start walking to school and he can tell you’re really nervous, so instead of bombarding you with questions, he decides to check how you’re doing first because he’s a sweet guy deep down who cares about you (part of the reason he was worried about you was because you might not have been doing well mentally and he just wanted to be there for you)

You tell him you’ve been really busy with school that you just needed some time to yourself to sort out your feelings for him 

And he’s so understanding it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating because even after avoiding him for weeks, he’s still going to be the shoulder you can cry on

“So..I have a big game today and it would really mean a lot for me if you were there for emotional support..” Iwaizumi shoves his hands in his pocket and looks away from you, at a distant store to see if he could get the blush on his cheeks to go away before you notice it

You agree to go, promise him that you’ll be there because it really is the least you could do 

You keep your promise and show up to the game. Oikawa sees you in the stands and waves your way, making every girl around you scream. Iwaizumi does the same, making more of them scream. 

You sigh, listening to them talk about how good they looked. Not even how well they were playing or how impressive their plays were. 

You did see Oikawa and Iwaizumi make a play that you knew they’ve been practicing since their first year together

and you couldn’t help but stand up and cheer for them, screaming so loud that your voice cracked

to make things even better, that play is what got them their victory to qualify

Iwaizumi is high off adrenaline and is looking for you through the crowds descending from the bleachers

His smile widens when he makes eye contact with you and he starts making his way to you. And his smile starts to hurt when he finally is able to give you a hug. It’s cut far too short for his liking, and he contemplates using his strength to force the hug longer but with your behavior lately, he decides against it 

Before he can process your words, you’re saying goodbye to him 

It takes him a total of seven seconds to realize that you were walking away from him, again

He shakes his head and runs out after you because he seriously cannot handle another month like the past one

He stops you before you can reach the gates of the school

“Okay, Y/N. This is ridiculous. Why are you so upset? Did I do something to you? Did someone say something? Is there a problem?” 

He’s surprised when you yank your arm from his grasp

“Yes, you’re the problem!” 

he takes a step back from you and before he can think anything else, you continue

“I don’t mean it like that, it’s just...” Your heart is starting to pound in your chest and you’re starting to get really nervous because is now really the time to tell him why you’ve been avoiding him?

“How else do you mean it then? Because you’ve been avoiding me this past month and I’m starting to miss you, you know.” 

And before you know it, you’re crying

Iwaizumi is so confused but he hates seeing you cry

“Y/N, please just tell me what I need to do to fix this. I just want you back in my life.”

“I need space, Hajime. I want to sort my feelings out.”  You finally come out to say it and you’re avoiding eye contact with him 

“Feelings?”

You look up at him with tear stained cheeks and he hopes to never see you like this again. You only nod

“Feelings about me?”

You nod again

“Negative feelings?” He almost doesn’t want to ask in the case that you confirm what he’s been scared off this past month losing you 

When you shake your head he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding 

“What kind of feelings, Y/N?” He whispers, praying that he’s about to hear the words he’s been dying to hear since your first year of high school

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” You mumble at him, staring at your feet. 

He crosses his arms and you have to force yourself not to stare at his biceps. “Yeah, actually for making me feel like shit this past month. I think it’s the least you could do.” He reaches a hand out to gently wipe your eyes and face, moving his fingers from your cheeks to your chin. He gently pulls your chin up to make you looks at him. “Tell me” he whispers

“Promise things won’t change if I say anything?” 

He almost laughs, because for him the best case scenario between the two of you, things WILL  change. He nods, just for your own sake. He’s praying this conversation goes where he wants, no, where he needs it ot go

“I like you Hajime.”

The way your bottom lip is trembling is making it so tempting for him to just lean down and kiss you, kiss all your worries away

“That was the issue?” He teases, hoping to make you feel better about the situation

“Yes. Will you please let me go wallow in self pity now?”

“No. I’m taking you on a date.” He says so casually, stopping any more tears that escape your lash line with his thumb. Your jaw opens and closes, unsure of what to even say. Was he being serious?

Iwaizumi chuckles to himself at your dumbfounded expression. He leans closer to you. “Can I kiss you now or do I have to wait for that later?”

A smile tugs at your lips and you’re the first to lean in to the kiss, a kiss that’s been at least two years overdue. He’s savoring every moment of this kiss, memorizing the way your lips slot perfectly against his, the rhythm that you set, the way you hum into it happily when he pulls you closer by your waist. 

He curses his lungs for not being able to hold out any longer. He pulls away slowly, smiling to see you chase the kiss to make it last just a little bit longer

“Now that feels like a victory to me.” He says, beaming down at you

[mochikeiji]

Enough For Me

Request: "Congratulations on 1k!!! you deserve it, you’re a really good writer. Can i request prompt 12 “please don’t cry” angst to fluff with yuuta from jjk. thank you, congrats."

12. "please, don't cry."

↠ Pairing: Okkotsu Yuta x Reader

↠ Warning: angst to fluff

↬ Word Count: 1.5k

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event

When did every thing become so loud?

One minute you were similing. Laughing loud with a hint of the obvious enjoyment masked on your features. Then second you're staring to nowhere but silence greeting you. An expression so dim that the light in your eyes wasn't present as well. Left at the forest training grounds, the others had already gone back to their dorms. You told them you were staying for a bit for extra training when in reality, you were looking for an outlet without anyone witnessing your hour of vulnerability.

Stupid clan and their elders. As disrespectful as it may sound, you understood now why Gojo despises them. Loud it was to the point it deafens your ears; the murmurs of a child cast away from the bloodline because of the mockery it holds. A no good sorcerer was never welcome in families like yours. People would still chew on your head even when you have your backs turned on them. So frustrating it was to shoulder a burden of their devilish gossip and expectations.

At first it was alright. You handled it well. But to the extent where one of the higher ups brought it up during a meeting? How many people know of you and the disappointment you carry?

Gojo had his fist clenched that day. Maki understood you more than anyone, having to be someone who ran away from her clan as well. Inumaki and Panda did their best in comforting you, telling you that humans are weird to drag other humans down when they're the same race. That was just being so entitled, said Panda. You however, convinced your comrades you were fine. You were used to it. And it was fine.

It didn't matter what other's say as long as other's knew you for what you weren't, right?

That doesn't mean you couldn't help but become overwhelmed of the impact they had on you. Like knives forcefully shoved their ways through your heart. The pack of negative energy should've been enough to form a large curse that could take you.

Loud it was indeed. To have so many people shit their way into your life when you only wanted to live yours and not bother theirs.

You gulped down the heavy lump in your throat. Caught up in the fog of profanities from the world. Who were you kidding, you weren't Maki who can handle all this thrown at her. Tumbling and falling, that was all you knew about yourself in your whole life. The nails that grip in your palms pierced through the skin as blood trickles down, no amount of pain could level the amount of pent up emotions you buried in your heart.

Perhaps you've were born in the wrong time and place. If only you were a simple civilian, maybe life wouldn't be so bad. A loving family would be there, instead of the ones that were throwing their unfulfilled dreams to their children and controlling of their destiny.

The look in your mother's eyes will forever haunt you. Looking already as tired as you were, her eyes spoke more emotion than you could ever endure as loveless, empty ones met your teary gaze that very day.

"I only wanted a daughter who could've done so much for me as I've given her life after birth."

Your heart throbs, soon you were down on the dirt covered ground on your knees. The weight of her words colliding in the world you swore was a safe space for you. It shouldn't matter. Not when they've cast you away and yet, no matter what there is, she was still your mother.

And still the pain is as fresh as ever coming from the one you used to call, "family."

As loud as your world was, your cries were louder and clearer this very night. As if with all your might, you wanted to scream from above on how this was truly unfair. Wanting someone— anyone to hear you curse at the world you were forced to live in. It hurts your lungs, it was indeed hard to grasp small bits of oxygen when your insides felt like they were shrinking from the compact.

You wish you could scream at your mother that deep inside you still loved her. Even as a child who never received the motherly love they deserved, you loved her dearly. It was by instincts and the remains of your vision as a baby, being held in someone arms in hushing your cries.

The surface felt so firm unlike you remembered how it was when you were young. Yet the warm embrace felt nostalgic as it shielded you from the cold blistering wind of the night, you find yourself searching against the surface without a care of any danger or anything anymore. You wanted to be comforted for once. To not feel alone.

"Please don't cry."

Small hushes drowned out your sobs, an arm wrapped firmly around your waist while the other pets your head at the outmost caring matter. Curling closer, your hand held the one on top of your head. Taking in the rough texture, but reminding yourself that someone was now here in your time of need. Here after being away most of the times.

"Yeah, it's me." sensing your troubles as he averts his gaze away from you as if he was embarrassed. "I heard what happened. I managed to finish up much just to get here." next to him was the blade he carries around. Probably less hazardous as to why he place it down.

"Yuta.." sobbing as you clutched on the white material he wore. He immediately reverts back to soothing you in your distressed state. Something about the way he holds you only made you tear up more. It broke his heart in pieces to see you hold onto him as if he was the only person left to anchor yourself. And here he thought he had it worse back then, your body language brought this resemblance to the girl he used to hold just as he was doing now.

"Shh, I promise you that none of those words said about you is true."

Easier said, he knew that. It was easy to reassure someone of their thoughts, but it's not that easy to erase. The mind is a wondrous and torturous place to be in. Old memories can be dug out to the surface and you'd still feel the emotion like it just happened yesterday. Oh if you had Yuta's vision of you, you'd believe in his words.

A strong role model like you is exactly the reason why Yuta aims to be the strongest as well. To help people realize that strength isn't found in the words of other human beings, but within yourself. Yes, it's a harsh world we live in. Those who feel lowly amongst themselves would drag those above them. And those who feel the surge of entitlement snarls at those below them.

But no matter who it is that doubts you, and your potentials, there would always be someone behind you, with the glimmer in their eyes, you are their hope and inspiration in some ways.

That is what Yuta murmurs next to your ear, your cries now subsided to focus on his voice. "You're doing great. We've seen it. I've seen it." facing you with his boyish smiles, you wondered how'd this guy who came looking like a ragged mess become someone twinkling brighter than the stars above the night sky. It was contagious, it made you smile so minimal.

"There's that pretty smile." chuckling, he pats your head softly like treating a little kid. Yuta knows deep down that he can't fully resolve the thoughts inside of you— one of these days you'll have these moments again. And it saddens him because he's often away from you. Yet he's breathless at the fact that you're able to hold yourself off with all these tormenting you.

"You're amazing, darling." came out lower than a whisper before his lips closed in with yours. Last time he kissed you boy was he sweating buckets. He wasn't even as bold as now to be able to initiate first and pull you flush against his chest. But the erratic pace of his heart still was the same as ever. The loudness that had clouded you vanished. All you could hear now were pleasant chorus played by the crickets of the night and the wind lacing together throughout the atmosphere.

He promises to do much more with you for the time being. Help you mend the wounds no one can see and assist with the battles you two could only share and understand. One day as he stated before he would walk through the doors of your clan and prove to them that you were the diamond in the rough they've thrown but he's found.

You were his own butterfly. Beautiful to his eyes, you bestowed your wings; and to yours you cannot see but for people to admire.

"Give yourself more credit. You've done so much, my love."

© all content belongs to mochikeiji. Please do not repost or copy, ありがとうございました!! (=^･^=)

[teresiel]

Thoughts on Marwa (and on the general direction in S4) below:

This is long, please bear with me though!

I was let down by this season as a whole. Much of what was developed was either underwhelmingly so, or was jettisoned before it could reach fruition. None of Colin’s plot matters unless they have the tenacity to stick to Laszlo’s reaction to the amnesia...and I don’t hold out much hope that they’ll be quite that introspective. They may, but it wouldn’t align with prior handling of him, they save that for Nandor.

Nandor’s plot was compelling and a nice extension of his crises of last season, but ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth when the bits that are crucial to his growth - the acknowledgement that one doesn’t need to cling to their past for relevancy, one doesn’t need to repress their emotions for a figure previously regarded as vulnerable, one doesn’t NEED to have a reason for existing - were spurred on by the fruitless deconstruction and whitewashing of the ONLY recurring female POC.

Nadja and the Guide didn’t even need to be there. Nothing of note occurred. I don’t have anything negative to say, but that’s not a good thing either.

That’s not to say the season wasn’t generally funny, charming, and full of the same energy from prior seasons that makes me care for the characters. Who else is going to give you a changing room montage with half a torso, an eldritch progenitor, and two nasty fancy goblin women?

BUT. It’s hard to retain any positivity when the season ended on such a blithe note, prefaced by misogyny and racism.

I think it's valid to be critical even if you're not a fan of Marwa (I mean yeah, i didn't much like her - as an extension of her whole plot - even though I'm glad she was around). They could've illustrated Nandors depravity a host of ways that didn't include stripping the only POC woman on the show of her agency and self and literal personhood and literally whitewashing her into a white guy from a colonialist country. When your POC only find happiness by turning white? That's repellent.

I’ve little energy left to attempt to elucidate for those that condescend to those who are frustrated, with arrogrant aplomb as they jeer how they saw what was obvious, that there’s no issue with Marwa’s death within an universe where side-characters are commonly the butt of the joke and are expected to be killed off. I’m SO beaten down by it, that I’m going to copy and paste again. To those that cannot comprehend why Marwa’s specific situation (not even her “death” really, though that was also uncomfortable): 

You really are that disconnected from the reality of POC women and the struggles they constantly face trying to navigate around whiteness and objectification and the lack of allowance for existing huh. This should NEVER have been treated as comedic. Regardless of how efficacious the plot point was in underscoring the lack of humanity of its characters, SOMEONE needed to speak up in the writers room and illustrate that this method would bring up negativity and upset.

I am so unimpressed by the posts of people snidely pointing out "oh well OBVIOUSLY I predicted she wouldn't last the season/this show is a comedy/side characters are always tossed away"  like. You missed. The entire. point. (Also side characters have become recurring main roles throughout the show, cmon now).  You paid enough attention to get frustrated by the others in the fandom (and have enough time and effortful care for your perception of the show to attempt to explain to others why they shouldn’t be upset at just another death treated for comedy’s sake in a show predicated on that kind of humour) yet you STILL neglected the glaring difference and inherent issues of objectification of a woman of colour and the whitewashing of a woman of colour. (Not to mention she's transformed into a man from a royalist/imperialist nation 😬)

TLDR when one of the main writers of the show proceeds to delete his proud lil tweet about his proud little episode that he’s so proud of (due to the fanbase pushing back), there’s something singularly rotten in your writing. (Please continue to go off on Zach Dunn, but hold the rest of the writers accountable who had their hands and eyes on this and had every means to speak up).

[idiacide]

Match-up info from 📖! Fine with either a match-up with a student or staff, whoever fits best with me. They/them pronouns please! I'd like to think I'm rather laidback and chill, generally try to be polite and amicable on first meeting. Though I definitely can be reserved if I don't click well with someone right off the bat. Though, if we have a shared interest/passion or I can sense the person is really kind, I can definitely open up a lot more easier and can get animated, loud, and excitable.

I try to be a good ear and shoulder to cry on if say my partner has something weighing on them. But if they need advice, I won't be afraid to have a firm tone with them if they need to hear the truth. Of course the support would be overflowing cuz nobody wants to see their partner sad. Definitely can say my love language is affection through physical touch and spending quality time.

Some bad qualities I do have are that I can get rather defensive if someone points out a flaw or I did something wrong. I REALLY cannot let go of grudges if someone has hurt me and I do have a bad habit of not mentioning it cuz I'm too proud to go crawling to the other person to admit I was hurt. (Trying hard to fix this though hrhgrgh) DEFINITELY can get sharp-tongued and raise my voice if someone gets an attitude with me. But at the end of the day, will try to mend anything and clear the air cuz I'd rather be happy than overthink on festering negativity.

Finally, some interests/hobbies include writing, illustrating, animals/wildlife, handcrafts (sewing, crocheting, building minatures, etc), video or tabletop games, collecting merch or interesting lil knick knacks, animated shows, and webcomics.

Sorry if this was so much info, just wanted to give as much foundation as I could, aaaaaaaa.

First paid matchup lets fucking goooo. If you yourself would be interested in a matchup+meetcute, feel free to send me 10 dollars on ko-fi and dm me to work on the specifics.

After having read this over few times, I match you with Jade Leech

-Laidback and chill is a break and a half for Jade, who is used to having to deal with MUCH stronger personalities all day long. It would be the politeness more than anything which drew his attention. Most people tend to treat him as though he’s always up to something. Which, to be fair: he usually is. But still, it’s at least a little frustrating to be held at arm’s length before you’ve even had the chance to say anything. As time goes on he comes to appreciate your general easy-going nature. While he enjoys a bit of chaos in his life, it’s nice to be around someone who neither judges nor worsens circumstances around them.

-Its rare he’ll take advantage of your listening ear, as he prefers to handle matters that trouble him on his own. Still, having the option available to him is honestly refreshing. Floyd tends to be too caught up in his own whirlpool of emotions to really notice what’s going on with his twin. Additionally, he appreciates being able to come to you when he wants an honest assessment. Jade values truth in his partners, and hates people who dance around the facts just to ingratiate themselves. Though he’s not the touchiest person in the world, he’s eager to provide if it helps you relax.

-Again, Jade’s used to dealing with a great deal of stubbornness. There’s a part of him that can even find it endearing. He’s an incredibly patient man, and even gets a little kick sometimes out of encouraging your grudges into a vengeance cycle.Your enemies are his enemies, after all~  However, like you, he tells the truth to the people he values. He’s very careful and tactful, but manages to help you keep certain things in perspective and not go overboard too often.

-As for hobbies, while you share a mutual interest in nature, Jade’s also quite willing to learn about your other fascinations. Handcrafts and your curious collection of items in particular are very readily compelling to him, and he’ll happily listen to you explain the lore behind each of them. As long as you’re willing to repay the favor with his mushrooms.

Meetcute: 

You rocked back on your heels, fidgeting a little with the straps of your pack. The sunlight is just beginning to peak out over the horizon, and you have to keep bouncing from leg to leg to keep warm. Your breath comes out in cloudy spirals. 

Where was everyone? You were fairly certain those fliers had mentioned meeting in the courtyard outside the Hall of Mirrors. 

You hadn’t exactly been searching hard for extracurriculars, but the posted notice for the Mountain Lover’s Club had drawn your eye. You’d always loved animals, and since arriving in this strange world you couldn’t shake a lingering curiosity about the types of magical creatures that might be out there. The poster had promised an early morning hike, free for all prospective members to join. No paperwork required.

Leading to you, standing out here in the cold. Alone.

You were beginning to contemplate cutting your losses and heading back to Ramshackle to warm up when a voice startled you out of your drifting thoughts.

“I must admit, I honestly didn’t expect anyone else to be here.”

You jerked around like you’d been caught. A VERY tall young man with choppy teal hair was emerging from one of the many passageways. Like you, he was dressed for the outdoors, with sturdy clothes and a slightly worn backpack resting comfortably on his shoulder. He seemed almost amused by your presence, mismatched eyes gleaming through the dim light. 

You scrounged desperately around your still growing list of names and faces. It was early days yet, but you had the sneaking suspicion this one had a twin.... “You’re....Jade, right?” God you hope you nailed that one, switching the names somehow felt ruder than just not knowing altogether. He rewards you with a smiling nod as he comes to stand in front of you though, filling you with relief.

“And you’re the prefect of Ramshackle dorm. I’ve heard much about you.”

“Yeah, well....” You shifted a little bit from foot to foot, slightly embarrassed by the notoriety. Isekai into one school orientation... “You said you weren’t expecting anyone?”

“A club involving this much physical exertion with this little glory isn’t exactly popular among students here.” It doesn’t sound like that fact particularly bothers him. You catch a glimpse of sharp teeth as he talks. “We have a few other nominal members, but I’m typically the only one participating in activities like this.”

“Well....that makes this a little awkward, then.” You say, trying to joke off the dawning realization that you’d just signed the two of you up for multiple potential hours of one on one time.

“Is it?” He tilts his head, almost curiously. “I’m not sure....I’ve never minded the privacy, I mainly make the posters for Crowley’s benefit.”

Despite yourself, you feel the faintest twinge of irritation. Sure, it was one thing to joke about it, but did he seriously mean to imply he didn’t want you here? Ordinarily you might not assume so, but with how rude everyone at this school habitually is...”Should I go then?”

His eyes widen, almost in surprise. “Oh, no, you misunderstand. I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. A novelty, rather.” He checks his watch, humming faintly. “Shall we go?”

“Uh...” Stranger. In the woods. For hours. Well, why not. “Sure.”

He smiles again, this time giving you a full view of those sharky teeth of his. You follow him into the hall of mirror, up the stairs towards the world mirror.

“Can I ask what your interest is with this activity?” He said, glancing back at you as you follow him up the stairs. “I’d have thought you’d be more focused on trying to find your footing in the new environment.”

Again, you still weren’t sure how much he meant to sound passive aggressive. Something about the tone read more like genuine curiosity to you, though. “It’s....all been a little overwhelming, honestly.” You admitted. “But...I always liked nature back home. I don’t quite have the tools to engage in a lot of my other hobbies here, but I figure mountains can’t be too terribly different between worlds, right? Besides, there might be some interesting animals to look at. Does that make sense?”

His expression doesn’t change much. But you swear there’s something that flickers, just a little, behind his eyes. “It does. Truly.” The two of you finally arrive at the mirror. Jade pulls his magic pen from his pocket, tapping the glass and watching the ripples carefully. “I’ve always found it relaxing, as well as educational?”

“Educational?”

He grins. “There’s such a broad variety of mushrooms to study here on land...”

In the end, the hours weren’t anywhere near as awkward as you might’ve dreaded. Jade was an easy enough conversationalist, but never seemed to mind the quiet when you ran out of words. More than that, he was a surprising fount of information. You guess it only made sense for what you assumed was the club president? But he usually had some interesting tidbits on the variety of fauna you spotted, as well as a few handy guides on the place which could help fill in the gaps.

“You really do your research.” You say, squinting hard at a few sketches of birds to see what best resembled the one echoing every last word you said. Research, research, research.

“As I said, I’m usually alone up here. Being well-researched is a basic precaution.” Caution, caution caution. He chuckles, turning to you. “Though it is rather gratifying to have someone to say this all out loud to, I’ll admit.”

Out of courtesy, you ask him a few questions about the mushrooms he gathers as you go. You’re not expecting much, necessarily, but the wealth of information is surprisingly engaging, as well as the clear passion he has for the subject.

All told....you wouldn’t mind making it more of a regular thing. Nor, judging by the surprised look on his face when you asked him about formal applications, would he. 

[douxie-casperan]

Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

~

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart 

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.

[venvensblog]

Venti x depressed! reader oneshot

Before reading any further:

• This story contains: Venti x depressed! Gn Reader

• TW: depression, mentions of death

• Author: Kay

• This is my first oneshot, my first story and I hope you'll like it lol. I'm sorry for grammar mistakes and for some auto-correct words that I didn't notice. Enjoy the story~

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

As the cold breeze gently touched your soft skin and as the sun shone to your lost gaze before disappearing you sat lonely on the highest cliff of the city of freedom, your mind elsewhere but here, thinking, thinking and thinking, maybe overthinking. No known face around to be found, just you, the nature and the wind keeping you company while you endlessly fall into the depths of the dark thoughts, eating up the light you had inside you. Why....why...why..why..why? How many days was it? 3 or 5 or 8 or 10? Perhaps you were all by yourself for eternity, doomed to be alone, destined to be trapped in the void in your own head, that has been killing you slowly. Without your notice a tear or two caressed your rosy cheeks, wondering, what are you even feeling anymore? Your current state didn't let you to notice a fellow bard of Mondstadt approaching you with two apples and a tune just for you. "Ah-ha! There you are!" his joyfull voice ringing in your ears, but also being the sweet melody you enjoy to hear, bringing you back to the reality you grew in. A weak smile appeared on your face as you greed the bard with the wave of your hand. The bard however noticed your tears as your eyes told him, how you feel. Quietly he sits beside you giving you one of the apples he got from one of the apple trees. "What is that you're doing here? All alone by yourself, perhaps the stars and the moon got your attention before me?" Venti chuckled slightly, then took a bite to his apple, looking at the night sky full of stars and the moon. You took a second before responding "Oh, I was just thinking... thinking about things.." you knew you could trust Venti with your burdens, but you questioned yourself if perhaps you weren't too much to deal with already, if your feelings and cries weren't cutting the wings of the anemo archon. Sure, as a god, he can take and give more than a mortal, but still... is it okay to burden him more? Your train of these thoughts stopped when Venti placed his hand on yours and looked into your eyes, cupping your face with his gentle hands as he said " Your eyes told me the truth [Y/n]... fear not to tell me, I am here for you and I always will be." The more you stared into his aqua eyes, the more blurry your vision was, because of your tears blocking you from seeing Venti's worried face. As youblink finally, tears started to flow down your cheeks before Venti carefully kissing them away. He knew as you started sobbing quietly, that now is not the time to make you talk, instead he pulled you into his embrace, wrapping his arms around you, letting you cry into his shirt as he gently rubbed your back. You were lost, not a single thought but at the same time millions of thoughts running in your head, you felt awful as you once again had to be comforted by the only person, who lights your way in the dark.

'Apologize, apologize, apologize, suck it up or he will leave just as everyone, too much to handle, trapping his free spirit in the claws of your darkness..' you said to yourself.

"I'm so s-sorry...!" you said in between sobs, catching the bard's attention. Before he speaks you cut him off screaming against his shirt "I'm sorry, I always end up crying and dragging you down with my never ending depressed- stupid emotions! I wish I could be just normal, I wish I didn't have to ground you, tie down your freedom...!" the following part you said was not loud, but a soft whisper in your sobs, but Venti still heard "...I wish I could just... die..". At this very moment Venti just freezed. Hearing your wish to die just further proved him, how badly scared were you from life to wish something like this. He hold you tighter now, not letting you go. Tears started forming in his aqua eyes aswell, he felt bad for you and if he could he would just take all your negative emotions and make them disappear right here and now. "Oh [y/n]... if only you could see into my head and my heart how amazing of a person you are. You do not burden me, you never did and never will. Your feelings are valid and you know well how much I care about your well-being, right? I cannot tell you what you should do as this would go against the freedom I always wished for for everyone, but please know your death will not hurt only me, but many other people that care for you. You might feel like you're at the bottom of the world, but the good thing is that the only way now is up and I will always lift you with the wind once you need it the most..." as you quietly listened, you felt the wind getting stronger as it slowly lifted both of you up into the sky. Venti was holding your hands with his own, breaking the embrace so you see the world around you. He looks at you with the warmest and most sincere smile on his face, his eyes glittering in the dark telling you more than words can describe. His sidetails shining light blue from using his powers as the wind makes them swing slowly. This moment made you feel something you never felt before..... hope? You didn't know exactly, but it felt like the archon in front of you lit your candle again. "My dearest [y/n], my muse, my melody, my star, my moon, my world..." his voice was echoing in the sky as you watchem him silently, your tears being softly wiped away by the gentle wind, forming your tears into a small drop before falling slowly all the way down from the sky and the cliff to reach the ground. "... on the days when you find no one but yourself in the dark, your light fading, your vision blurring, your heart aching, remember that that the wind is always with you, when I will be too far away to reach you.... no matter where in the world you will be, no matter how weak the wind is gonna be, it will always be here to listen, to guide and to love and support you no matter what. Listen to the wind, speak to the wind for I will always listen and send you sweet tunes like this one.." he let go of your hands slowly so you won't lose your balance while you levitate as he takes out his lyre and starts playing a sweet gentle tune lulling you to sleep. Once he's sure you have fallen asleep, he puts his lyre away and gently graps your levitating sleeping body, adoring your face, holding you close as he makes you both return back to the cliff settling your head on his lap and brushing your hair off of your face. He stays with you till you wake, till the sun shines the day, till you open your eyes again and till he gets the chance to make you laughs and smile.

Under the night sky he thinks, how will he make you laugh and smile to make your negative thoughts say goodbye?

[raayllum]

What are some examples for you that, in your opinion, are the reasons Rayllum is a healthy romance while Catradora is not?

(This is not a ship hate ask question, I'm just curious since I've seen a few comparisons and I'd like to know more)

Short answer? Everything.

Long answer? Under the cut so people have an easy time scrolling past it if they want, since this isn’t quite my usual content. 

And special note to CA shippers: this probably isn’t a post you’re going to enjoy, nor is my mind really open to being changed if you disagree. This is my own personal discussion and opinion, not a debate, and it holds as much or as little weight to you as you want it to. Please choose accordingly whether you want to read something that may be upsetting or if it’s better to just scroll by. Do what’s best for you. 

TW: discussions of emotional & physical abuse

Okay? Okay.

Let’s get into it.

Now, to get the obvious out of the way:

1) Rayllum and C*tradora do have some similarities. Rayla and Adora both have swords and immediately switch sides when they realize their original side was wrong and decide to fight for peace; Rayla and Catra can both lash out when others are trying to get them to open up; Callum and Catra both have issues with insecurities / feeling inferior. The shows also touch on similar themes such as choosing your own destiny, breaking the cycle, overcoming negative parts of your upbringing (for Rayla in particular) and more. Largely due to Shera’s ending, I don’t think it handled any of these themes particularly well, unfortunately, but I will be keeping this specifically centred on the relationships out of preference and because this meta is already long enough.

2) Children can indeed abuse other children, the same way that children can bully/torment other children. Adora and Catra had a “golden child — scapegoat” dynamic with Shadow Weaver as their “shared parental” figure (a very common dynamic for siblings). Someone can be an abuse victim and also be an abuser. Mental health and abuse are explanations, not excuses.

3) No, Catra’s abusive behaviour towards Adora cannot be explained away under the guise of “friends to enemies to lovers.” Mostly because that would mean they’re both equally enemies to one another over the course of the show, like Catra doesn’t always hit Adora where it hurts 100 times harder. Nor can the 4+ seasons worth of harm all just all be magically swept under the rug by one apology and a season where Catra treats Adora the way Bow and Glimmer have been for the entire show. Beyond the really awful stuff — physically attacking and injuring Adora (in ways Adora never returns the same way, ie. scarring her), attacking and kidnapping her friends, electrocuting Adora (s4), trying to kill Adora, tasing her, drugging Adora to use her as a weapon (remember “White Out”?) — there are also far worse emotionally abusive behaviour underneath it all. Guilt tripping, blaming Adora for everything, consistently lashing out, being angry whenever Adora does something good for herself that doesn’t also benefit Catra, wanting to isolate her, not being emotionally supportive, etc. But I’ll get more into that later. Funnily enough, the fact that an abuser was abused doesn’t tend to actually matter to their victim. 

The crucial thing about Catra’s character and her relationship with Adora is that — rather than seeing Adora leaving the Horde as a moral/ethical thing (of which Catra the war criminal just doesn’t care as she becomes Hordak’s right hand woman) or even as Adora leaving an environment Catra knows is shitty (“They’ve been messing with our heads since we were kids”) — she sees it as Adora “leaving” her. She sees it as Adora choosing other people over her. And that’s been something Catra has seen as unacceptable ever since they were children, pushing/punching/scarring Adora on the face and making her cry when Adora is friendly with Lonnie and tries to convince Catra they can all be friends. It’s why she’s so angry about Adora “abandoning” her to be best friends with Bow and Glimmer, and the idea of Adora making the right choice in leaving an abusive environment and not her specifically never even crosses her mind.

The fundamental flaw in their relationship is that Catra never actually lets go of the belief that Adora abandoned her, or that Adora’s actions against her (y’know, when Catra was literally helping the Horde conquer the world and is the aggressor in every fight scene between them) were ever Justified.

[From the finale episode] C: So please, just this once — stay!

[The multiple and repeated times Adora tried to convince Catra to come with her and even said “I’m sorry for leaving” and “I won’t leave you behind again” and “Please stay, I need you”? Completely chucked in the bin, thanks for nothing - cause yeah, Catra, that certainly never stopped you from scarring or hitting Adora at any point in your life]

While watching S5 and the series through the first time I enjoyed their relationship and even shipped it (the turn around came two weeks later as the more I thought about their relationship, the less I liked it / more deeply uncomfortable I became with it), but one moment rubbed me the wrong way even the first way through it. In the penultimate episode — “Failsafe” as I’m counting the finale as one joint episode — Adora has taken the Failsafe to save Etheria. Delivering it to the Heart may kill her. However, as She Ra, she is literally the only person on the planet — which is about to end! — who can take it and not automatically die. Adora has also, already, taken the Failsafe. It can’t be removed.

C: Why do you always have to sacrifice everything for everyone else? Why are you like this? When do you get to choose? What do you want, Adora?

So despite being literally the Stupidest time Catra could have this concern — again, Adora has already taken the Failsafe, she can’t remove it, the whole world will end if someone doesn’t, and Adora is the only person on the planet where taking the Failsafe isn’t an automatic suicide mission — let’s focus on what happens afterwards, because That is what rubbed me the wrong way.

Adora has made a choice, but it doesn’t align with what Catra wants. So in the penultimate episode, and we’re supposed to believe Catra deeply loves Adora, Adora clearly states what she wants. She is scared of dying and of failing the world, she knows she’s put herself greatly at risk, and she understandably asks Catra — someone who is supposed to love her — for some goddamn emotional support.

A: Catra, please, stay. I need you.

And what does Catra do? She abandons Adora and basically says she’s a liar: “No, you don’t. You never have.” And she leaves Adora, sobbing alone in the woods, with the entire weight of the world on Adora’s shoulders. We later get more of an explanation as to why Catra left, as she states, “Adora chose Shadow Weaver, okay? Not me. Adora doesn’t want me! Not like I want her.” Catra sees Adora choosing the well being of everyone on the planet and her takeaway is, yet again, Adora choosing people over her, somehow. Even worse, part of Catra’s justification is that Adora, apparently, doesn’t romantically want her back.

Just to recap: it is the penultimate episode, the apparent girl you have “always love(d)” is about to possibly sacrifice herself and die, and asks you for emotional support. And then you abandon her because she doesn’t want other people to die and because she might not return your feelings. Are. You. Shitting. Me. 

But put a pin in that, cause we’re gonna come back to it later.

But you know what, why is Adora like that? Why does she always feel like she has to protect and save everyone else, even at detriment to herself? What could have possibly made her feel like a failure at protecting her friends? Who could have blamed her for all these problems that aren’t actually hers to fix, but it feels like they are? Gee, I wonder...

C: As long as we have this sword, we have the power to make her go berserk. We can turn the Rebellion's own hero against them. That's good. [to Adora, smugly] I wonder which of your friends I'll have you annihilate first [...] Are you kidding? I've got control of Adora. I am not giving that up.

A: [quietly, seriously] You wanna know the worst that could happen? Fine. I'm the heaviest hitter, so Catra will separate me right away. Trap me, take my sword, do something so I'm helpless when she turns on you. She knows everything about me, exactly what I'll do, exactly how to take me out. [...] Catra will make me watch all of it before she finishes me off, and then everyone is gone, and the Horde wins the war, and Etheria crumbles, and it's all my fault! [knocks all the figures off the table]

C: It's always the same with you, Adora. “I have to do this. Oh, we have to do that.” Let's be honest, all of this is your fault. If you hadn't gotten captured, your sword wouldn't have opened the portal. If you hadn't gotten the sword and been the world's worst She-Ra, none of this would've happened. Admit it, Adora, the world would still be standing if you had never come through that portal in the first place. You made me this. You took everything from me. You broke the world, and it is all your fault.

A: Why are you doing this [attacking me]? C: Because you left me! (early s1)

C: Where's Adora? G: She...She left us. She's headed to the Heart on her own. C: Of course she's gone! That's what she does, isn't it? (finale s5)

Because there’s nothing more romantic than basically telling someone you’ve “always” loved that the world would be a better place if they’d never been born, right? To the point where Catra basically becomes a trigger in Adora’s mind of how her dominos will fall and culminate in her losing everything she loves. To the point that Catra still acts like it’s Adora’s fault for taking the Failsafe. To the point that Catra’s ‘love’ for Adora reads almost entirely as completely selfish at basically every turn for the majority of the show.

Another moment that rang very hollow very quickly was the fight between chipped!Catra (aka brainwashed) and Adora in s5. Adora has come to rescue her after Catra made one (1) apology and sent Glimmer safely to Adora, doing one (1) good thing after season upon season of terrible thing. The show frames their face off as this big tragic fight — as most brainwashing plots tend to. The whole point of a brainwashing plotline, usually, is to have someone hurt someone they never would ordinarily. Except there is basically nothing that happens in the brainwashing fight in terms of physical harm that Catra hasn’t willingly inflicted on Adora in the past (the last time they saw each other in person, Adora was being electrocuted by ‘Catra’ — another character in disguise, but Catra gave the order for it and saw it happen, so). 

[Screencaps from s5 and s1 respectively, of Catra clawing at Adora’s back; in the lower picture, she breaks through cloth and rips through skin]

Horde Prime is seen as the ultimate evil in the series because he brainwashes people and sets them on their loved ones as well as being an abuser. And Catra does the exact same thing to Adora earlier on in the show (remember that “annihilate your friends” comment?) — and even if you aren’t willing to admit that Catra abused Adora, the show makes it explicitly clear she manipulated Entrapta and flat out abused Scorpia. But Catra is redeemable because...? (Don’t even get me started on the fact that Catra is responsible for the death of Glimmer’s mother, which is a massive deal in season four, and it’s never even mentioned, once, in season five, and Catra never has to face consequences for any of it.)

That being said, I’m actually not opposed to Catra being redeemed, nor was I ever, and I always thought she’d end up with Adora. But the path they took to get there, the utter lack and regard for Adora’s feelings, are incredibly bad and very transparent. The show and showrunners tried to patch this up with statements like, “Catra knew when she left Adora to die — after Adora had saved her life and was begging for help — that Adora would survive the fall from this cliff.” Which is all well and dandy for Catra’s characterization, but does absolutely nothing to address the trauma, or at the very least negative emotions, that Adora would have from that experience. 

That, combined with other prominent facets of emotional abuse in romantic relationships being

The abuser is angry with the victim for prioritizing other things (people, needs, career) over them = a lot of what I’ve pointed out above

The abuser gaslights the victim, saying the victim is to blame for their abhorrent actions (self explanatory)

The abuser seeks to isolate the victim = even Catra as a child not wanting Adora to have any other friends but her that was present at least until s5

The abuser will guilt trip and take out their rage on the victim for “leaving” them

The victim convincing themselves that if they just try hard enough, they can “fix” the abuser with their love, perpetuating the cyclical belief that the victim is really to blame for the abuse, etc. = “You’ve never given up on anything, not even on me” and again, fairly self explanatory

Which is too bad, because as a concept, C*tradora is great. Childhood best friends, raised together (take out some of the consistent resentment Catra harboured for the only person she claimed to love), pushed to be on opposite sides of a war (in which almost any chance — except for maybe two — that Catra has to ruin Adora’s life or hurt her, she takes). Then they end the war, hurray, and live happily ever after!

Anyway, now onto something far happier for me, at least, which is Rayllum.

Ah, Rayllum. A barely enemies to friends to best friends and lovers. Let’s revisit those brief similarities with C*tradora, shall we?

Rayla and Adora immediately defect and swords are involved. They have to turn against someone they love (Runaan, Catra) in order to do so. Rayla ends up aligning herself with Callum (and Ezran) as an ally rather than an antagonist. Even in the brief period she is an antagonist, Rayla quite frankly isn’t aggressive. She’s threatening, sure, and chases Callum down with swords — it’s scary, I won’t deny that — but she also immediately starts stalling.

Then, when Rayla actually does threaten him, she apologizes: “I’m sorry. I have to do this. I don’t want to, but I have to.” And she lets Callum stall her further in their ethical debate, and after he’s lied to her about his identity and run away again, and when the actual Prince Ezran has been revealed. So despite being enemies, either of them actually hurting each other willingly? Completely out of the question, except for one (1) kick Rayla gives him in 1x02. 

You also have Rayla’s similarity with Catra in terms of lashing out when someone tries to get them to open up. The difference is that Catra lashes out at Adora usually because of some negative emotional response ‘Adora’ has drawn out of her. For example, feeling rejected and abandoned because Adora was friendly with one of the other cadets.

Yes, Catra is an abused child and it feels like Adora is all she has in the world, but that doesn’t make that okay or healthy. Catra very clearly wants to keep Adora to herself and rejects any other possible friendships either of them could have. And Adora is also an abused child. Catra pushes Adora, makes her scream and cry, scars her across the face, all for Adora being friendly with another kid their age and coming to see if Catra is okay.

In contrast, Rayla tends to lash out because she’s crumbling under the weight of her own failures. Callum is not connected to why she’s actually lashing out at all. This is how Rayla responds when Callum tries to be there for her after she’s discovered the death of her father figure and has been banished from her village, just like her biological parents were, all of them branded as cowards (which is the worst thing someone in her society can be).

Callum isn’t injured, he’s not crying. He isn’t made to feel responsible for any of Rayla’s emotional turmoil; if anything it’s the opposite, as she places it wholly on herself and her own feelings of inadequacy. Rayla then opens up, processes her anger and grief, Callum is able to successfully cheer her up, and the next time they’re in a similar situation of emotional turmoil, she’s grown greatly. The scene above is also generally considered (and seen, in show) as Rayla’s lowest moment in many ways. Whereas for Catra, it seems like it could honestly fit right in with being a semi weekly experience. Again, I think the screencaps 90% speak for themselves, but this was just for clarity’s sake.

Then you have Callum and Catra. Both have struggles with feeling inferior. But Catra has a tendency to blame other people around her for everything (“You made me this. You took everything from me” and “Some people have a bad day. I’ve had a bad life”) Callum sees the fault line being in himself.

The only time he ever blames Rayla for anything is in 1x06 about rushing them and causing him to forget some of their supplies — a minor thing that she then just teases him over and something he apologizes for later — and for dropping the egg of the Dragon Prince as a spur of the moment reaction. Which he then almost says was his fault later on in the season.

This is especially important, because both Rayla and Adora deeply struggle with a fear of failure and many of their actions are defined by their self sacrificial streak. But Callum never blames Rayla for things, even when he would be justified in doing so, and Catra routinely harps on Adora’s biggest insecurity as a way to cut her open when Catra isn’t blaming her outright for things. Remember that pin we put in, earlier? We’re bringing it back now.

Because Rayllum also has a fight in their penultimate episode about one of them being self sacrificial and the other disagreeing. And it goes completely differently than the one C*tradora had in a few key ways.

1) Callum does not abandon Rayla for wanting to sacrifice herself. He does the opposite, elongating the conversation and trying to get through to her that this may not be the best thing. 

2) It is never, ever, Callum’s concern that Rayla is “choosing something” over him. It does not occur to him, he does not bring it up, his relationship to her — and by this point they’re actually in a romantic relationship — is seen as completely irrelevant to her levels of agency.

R: This all happened because my parents ran away, so I have to stay and protect the [sleeping] Dragon Queen. [...] C: Really? So, that’s it? Just… goodbye? You’re going to stay here and die out of pride? Oh? You have a nicer word for it? Honour? Redemption? It’s just pride! [...] Don’t let your parents’ mistakes drag you down. I know you feel guilty, but you’re not thinking straight! Rayla, you have to let it go!

3) Later after their argument, he calmly approaches her and provides a solution that places the full agency back in her hands. Rayla then resolves to include him in the decision making process.

Again, there are similarities: “Then you don’t know me at all. You never did.” and “No, you don’t [need me]. You never have.” But again, Rayla is the one who walks away from her and Callum’s argument, which is about her risking her life. Adora and Catra’s argument is at first primarily about Catra abandoning Adora in her greatest hour of need without saying goodbye (which Catra never apologizes for or even seems ashamed of) and then Catra switches gears and makes it about Adora. She says that Adora should care about her own needs, but when Adora expresses those needs, Catra ignores them.

The one time that Adora ever thinks Catra has come back for her, she’s surprised.

On the multiple occasions Callum goes back for Rayla (or she, him), she’s almost never surprised.

Which is really just reflective, honestly, of the fact that the vow Catra makes to Adora in the finale is basically the promise/offer Rayla makes to Callum... three episodes into the whole series, the first night they met each other.

Another direct comparison is the early conversations between each pair that we’re privy to. The conversation enclosed below (the bolding are my personal additions, not to indicate actual emphasis)

C: No way. You've been promoted? A: Well, kind of. I mean, yeah, I guess. Heh. But it's not a big deal. C: Are you kidding? That is awesome. We're gonna see the world and conquer it. Adora, I need to blow something up. A: Umm.. C: What? A: Shadow Weaver says you're not coming. C: What? My time was just as good as yours today. What is her problem with me? A: I mean, you are kind of disrespectful. C: Why should I respect her? She's just bitter that she doesn't have any real power that doesn't come from Hordak and everyone knows it. I guess it sure must be easy being a people pleaser like you. A: I am not a pe-- Catra, wait. [Sighs] Look, I'm sorry. I didn't even think you wanted to be a Force Captain. C: I don't. Here, take your stupid badge. A: Come on, Catra. This is what I have been working for my entire life. I was hoping you could be, I don't know, happy for me. C: Ugh, whatever. It's not like I even care. I just wanna get out of this dump at some point before I die of boredom. 

Let’s look over that conversation in more detail, shall we? This is supposedly when Catra and Adora were best friends and happy. This is the “positive” background given that “justifies” Adora’s continued investment in Catra even as she does more and more terrible things. But what actually happens? Adora reveals she’s been promoted. Catra immediately makes it about them as a unit / about herself; no congratulations or anything. Catra then insults Adora for no reason other than her own bitterness and resentment (which is ironic given her comment about Shadow Weaver). Adora apologizes for being promoted and not being able to magically read Catra’s mind. Catra insults Adora’s promotion and when Adora asks if Catra can be happy for her, because “this is what [she’s] been working for [her] entire life” Catra just completely dismisses her and makes it all about herself. Again. 

Below, I’m going to show one of the early disagreements between Callum and Rayla in 1x04 (roughly two days into them knowing each other). Callum said that she (as an elf) was a bloodthirsty monster in an attempt to protect her, although it still hurt Rayla. He’s relieved that they’ve made it out okay, but Rayla quick makes her displeasure known:

C: Ah, it worked. I can’t believe it. R: I can’t believe that you’re such a jerk. C: What? What’s wrong? R: You called me a bloodthirsty monster. You have no idea how that feels. C: But I don’t actually believe any of that, I was just trying to scare her. I thought she’d back down. R: Oh that went well. They tried to kill me! C: I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant to happen. R: Well it did.

Rayla insults him directly for something he’s done (not a decision someone else — Shadow Weaver — has made). She’s open and honest about her feelings. Callum clarifies his own — he doesn’t see her as a monster at all — but he can recognize that even though none if it was intentional, he messed up and hurt her and put her at risk, so he apologizes. And then never does it again, worrying about her being around other humans more than Rayla does throughout the rest of the seasons (1x07, 2x04, 3x08). 

Another notable difference in terms of just overall health is that unlike Catra and Adora, where Catra often slacks off in training and is then angry about being held back and Adora has actually put in all the work to earn her own accomplishments in the Horde... Rayla has something Callum desperately wants — a connection to an arcanum to do magic — that Rayla was born with and does not care about at all, and Callum never, even for a moment, resents her for it. Ever.

C: I will learn magic. It’s who I am. //  When I could do magic, I finally felt like myself. I’m just trying to find my way back.

Other Important differences:

Even when Callum and Rayla are angry or upset with each other, they never use it as an excuse to mistreat each other and they never take out their anger on each other — nor are they ever angry at each other for someone else’s words or actions. Callum is upset when he finds out Rayla knew about his father being gone and that she didn’t tell him right away, but all he says is this.

Even when Rayla is mad at him for doing Dark Magic, she still worries about him, makes sure he gets out safely, lays him down gently, and tends to him while he’s sick.

Another thing I love about Rayllum — and this is my aro-specness coming out — is the irrelevance of romantic feelings. Callum likes Claudia at first in 2x02 and Rayla doesn’t like watching them flirt, but she’s never possessively jealous whatsoever or angry at Callum for pursuing something else he wants. Callum also chooses to trust Rayla over Claudia in the end. Then in 3x04, when Callum has a big speech building Rayla up after her breakdown scene, (and he does know he has feelings for her at that point), Rayla kisses him. He fumbles through explaining he wasn’t saying all of those nice things about her just so she would kiss him. Rayla is embarrassed — and covers some of it up with anger — and views it as a rejection (she also saves his life and accepts his help like, three minutes later). But even when Callum is awkward about it the next day, Rayla sets it aside and puts his comfort ahead of her own hurt feelings or awkwardness, so that he can have an easier time of things.

Other comparisons:

A: Did you have to make [Catra] so mean? LH: The simulation is designed for total accuracy. Is the one you call Catra not mean? A: No. She is.

C: You never did have much faith in me. A: Can you blame me?

“Romantic” dancing versus two friends actually having a good time together

Before jumping off a cliff to follow/rescue their partner, Adora and Catra’s last interaction was Catra apologizing over a commlink and sending Glimmer to her. Before that, their last interaction was Catra brutally electrocuting her.

A: Can we skip the speech? I’m done playing your games, Catra. Too many people got hurt when you set off that portal [ie. Catra purposefully trying to end the world so Adora couldn’t ‘win’ and save it]. I hope it was worth it. Because I won’t let you hurt my friends or anyone else ever again.

When Callum leaps after Rayla, their last two previous interactions were both Rayla comforting him, taking his hand and silently asking him to be in the present with her, rather than consumed with worry in his head.

Other Notes:

1) I have no idea what Catra and Adora admire/like about each other. 

The closest I’ve got is “Hey, you were great out there” from Adora to Catra about her fighting skills when they were kids, and “You’ve never listened to anyone in your life, are you really going to start now?” (from Adora) and “You’ve never given up on anyone in your life, not even me” (from Catra). Even in seasons one and two for Rayllum, it is abundantly clear what they admire about each other.

C: I don’t get it, Rayla. Why are you so worried about a dragon that just set fire to a town? R: I’ve been thinking about something someone once told me. About how when one person hurts another, then that person hurts them back, it becomes a cycle that never ends. C: Who told you that?  R: You did. C: Oh. R: But Callum, to break that cycle someone has to take a stand when no one else will [...]  Protecting that dragon doesn’t just feel like the right thing to do, it feels like the right thing for me to do. It’s where I’m meant to be.

Don’t even get me started on season three (“He’s noble and true” “Rayla, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” “He’s smart and kind and brave and he’s—” “I’ve seen you get knocked down so many times and every single time you get up again. That’s real strength,” “I don’t think I can do it without him,” “Rayla is selfless, strong, and caring”).

2) This isn’t relevant to the discussion, but someone pointed it out once that when Shadow Weaver sacrifices herself so both of her adoptive daughters can get away, she erects a boundary to keep the monster out. Is there any particular reason she couldn’t have sealed all three of them behind the boundary and just closed the monster off in the other room? Genuinely asking.

3) Because it can be / apparently needs to be said, TDP is nice because Rayla is allowed to form healthy meaningful relationships with other characters, like Ezran, that exist completely separately from her relationship with Callum. Whereas Catra arguably gets Glimmer and all they do, more or less, is talk about Adora (again, Scorpia and Entrapta don’t count because those are abusive, unhealthy relationships).

Glimmer: Wait, are you—are you saving me? C: Not you. Adora.

4) For TDP, they take the character with massive fears of failure and pair her with someone who continually builds her up and says that things aren’t her fault and speaks up when she’s being treated unfairly (without treating her like shit for seasons beforehand). They take the character with inferiority issues and instead of giving them resentment, makes him deeply admire his love interest while she also validates the fuck out of him. Don’t get me wrong, Callum can be insensitive and Rayla can be snarky, but they give as good as they get (an equal standing sorely missing in C*tradora in every season, whether it’s causing physical pain to each other or Adora doing way more emotional support for Catra — the person who has caused her the most emotional distress in the whole series — than the other way around). But Callum and Rayla never belittle each other. Ever. Much less in the season where they get together.

I genuinely don’t know why SPOP thought pairing up a character with deep seated inferiority issues with the person they’ve continually resented, and the character with deep seated fears of failure with the person who has continually blamed them for everything, was a good idea. Especially when, as the screencaps and quotes show, almost none of that has changed in season five. All that’s really changed in season five is that Catra has stopped attacking Adora and started helping her, doing things Adora’s friends had been doing for ages without, again, treating her like shit.

Callum and Rayla meet on a mission of convenience and chance, and although imperfect, they always choose to care about each other. Catra and Adora, meanwhile, are bound together by who and where they raised — things they never ever had a choice in, which is interesting for a series that strives against the idea of destiny so heavily. 

5) Catra resents Adora for being a hero to everyone but her (ie. not focusing solely on protecting/saving Catra) and Callum admires Rayla for being a hero to everyone but him. Catra then tries to destroy Adora’s sense of self and wellbeing any chance she gets up until s5, but even then still resents her even when Adora is showing concern for her. It never, ever occurs to Catra until the season finale that Adora is someone who needs to — in the most literal sense of the word — be saved. Meanwhile, Callum knows this even before Rayla does. He knows she’s a hero, and he knows that sometimes, she’s the one who needs to be saved.

[Screencaps from 1x05 and 1x06 respectively]

[Followed by screencaps from 3x01, 3x05, and 3x09 respectively.]

Concluding Thoughts

As a queer afab, I find She-Ra’s portrayal of abuse in all of Catra’s relationships (the Horde trio — and even within that group, the treatment Kyle consistently receives — Scorpia, Entrapta) worrying, her “big epic romance” with Adora as “true love” most of all. Emotional abuse isn’t cute and passable just because it’s gay, with domestic partner abuse already not talked about in queer relationships, and something this messy and unhealthy being marketed in a show for small children who still like talking horses. I understand the appeal of the show and the ship — I was similarly drawn to it, for a while, for its “complexity” and “layers” — but that’s true too, of the emotionally abusive relationships I’ve been a victim of; I didn’t see them as abuse, either, until I was out or on my way.

Nor have I ever said in fiction that healthy relationships are the be all end all. People like the twisted shit. I ship some things purely for the fictional, non canon dysfunction of it all, and it’s really fun.

But, one of my favourite things about Rayllum is that they’re healthy, and supportive, and work through their problems with generally good communication. They both have trauma and issues, but they never act like those things are excuses in regards to how they treat each other (or even explanations) and you can actually buy that they’re best friends by choice.

And, in my humble opinion, are far healthier than C*tradora in every way imaginable — but that’s not exactly a hard bar to meet when the bar itself is Healthy Relationship.