#please handle with care i cannot handle the negative emotions

[wraenata]

Pillow attack courtesy of the @tapakah0 army

I missed the battle. I passed out under the pillow. Sorry :(

(Thank you for the pillow attack though!)

[thatonebirdwrites]

Some of Lena's Handmade Spells

Going with the Flow: Happiness Spell (Attempt 4)

Majoram for Luck and Happiness.

Masterwort (Hog Fennel) mixed with Yarrow for Courage

Huckleberry crushed with Wintergreen for Hex-breaking

Lavender for Peace and Harmony

Crush all of the above and mix. If not pregnant nor have dermatitis, boil the above and strain. Bathe in the resulting tea or drink (Note to self: experiments did not determine which method improves spell. Perhaps more data points are needed? Four tries seems far too small a sample.). If pregnant and/or have dermatitis either avoid Yarrow or mix into a satchel to wear (Note to self: does satchel wearing actually work? What is the best way to test this hypothesis?)

Recite in language appropriate for magic:

"Release all burdens and negativity. Alleviate all pain and anxiety. Break all hexes that sunder. Restore one's youthful wonder. Amplify all joy and peace. After one day, the spell will cease."

(Note to self: translate into Irish or Latin? Why is Latin used for magic when my people come from an Irish heritage and Rome was a colonizer? Didn't pagan magic exist prior to the existence of Latin? More Research is needed.)

Necessary disclaimer: Kara and anyone reading this, please tread carefully with yarrow as it can impact dermatitis and shouldn't be used if pregnant. (Seriously, Kara, don't you dare touch my herb and berry supply again. I am not liable for your ridiculous prank teas. I'm watching you.)

Note to Lena: I only did the prank teas twice! And in my defense, I had no idea that herb caused diarrhea! You don't really label them with warnings. What if I helped by adding a disclaimer to all your labels to mark which ones are safe to ingest and/or drink?

Note to Kara: If it keeps you busy, then fine, but my notes are specifically for humans since I am a human. I do not have the data to determine what is safe for you to ingest.

Note to Lena: I'm pretty impervious and invulnerable to most things and have an iron stomach. I can even handle poisons that you definitely can't.

Note to Kara: Are you serious?? Did you ingest POISONS?? Please don't do that. I don't care how invulnerable you are. I'd like to not tempt fate. My heart simply cannot take that. Also, these notes defeat the purpose of the spell. I'm trying to restore my youthful wonder and joy and not faint from worry by you testing whether you can poison yourself with my herbs. Thanks.

Note to Lena: That's valid. I'll stop tempting fate.

Results:

Spent one day in a state of joy and wonder. Everything I did felt like I was trying it new, and it brought such happiness. I felt no anxiety or fear the entire twenty-three hours and forty-eight minutes. I discovered, however, that I was incapable of long-term planning. It seems the youthful wonder translated into being caught in the present moment, where I went with the flow. I also discovered a deep eagerness to share my joy with anyone within my vicinity.

Physical affection came much easier and without fear or anxiety or worries about people's perceptions of me. I was able to express my emotions freely in a way I've never done before, which was very mind-opening. Perhaps I need to discern ways to express my emotions more readily in safe settings without magic?

Perhaps an adjustment to spell to allow for planning?

Breaking the Hex of the Luthor Name (Attempt 2)

Note to self: This is probably nonsense. It's not like I can magic away people's memories of how awful and abusive my family was. But maybe I can somehow break any hexes placed on the name that somehow impact me unknowingly? This is my second attempt as I accidentally exploded the mixture the first time. I am unsure as to how that happened. If it happens again, then will adjust ingredients.

Vertivert

Huckleberry

Wintergreen

Shred the above herbs and pound them into a mixture. Burn the mixture and recite the following:

Break all hexes upon the Luthor Name. Sunder all evil eyes upon the Luthor Name. Exorcise all evil cast upon the Luthor Name.

Note to Self: This mixture did not explode! I adjusted the verbiage and verified the pronunciation of all translations into Irish. Latin caused the explosion the first time, and I believe it is because it is a dead language and I cannot locate proper pronunciation guides. Irish is not a dead language and pronunciation guides exist. Irish has also worked well with prior spells I've attempted so why not this one? Also, side note, that spell made me feel a lot lighter and less burdened. Is that wishful thinking on my part or did the spell actually work?

Results:

Four days and twenty minutes since I cast this spell: Donations to my foundation have increased by 120% starting within eight hours of casting my spell. Is this a correlation or causation?

Two months, three days, and sixteen hours since I cast this spell: Donations increased by 202% since last entry in this results column. We've been able to fund so many green energy projects and a ton of medical research! Surely these increases in donations wasn't all due to the spell? Had there been so much hexes on my last name that it impacted my ability to make headway with the foundation? I'm not sure what to think if so. I also am unsure how I would even discern the truth of this or test it in a way that proved causation.

Note from Kara: Lena!!! I totally think this is the spell that broke your stream of bad luck. You probably needed a good hex breaking. I'm so glad you did it!

Note to Kara: Avoid writing in my grimorie -- But Lena, you need outside perspective too for your experiments! I can totally help! -- and stop pouting when I steal my pen back to finish my notes. I will not fall for it. No matter how adorable you look.

Note to Self: Perhaps purchase separate notebook so Kara can write up her reflections on the results of my magic experiments. See if this alleviates her tendency to write in my grimorie.

To Be continued... May write more eventually.

[sorendeimos]

In the quiet hours of the night... his mind is deafening.

How I perceive Severus Snape, part 2 | part 1

Notes: Go into this understanding that to Me, Severus is deeply flawed and broke and trauma filled. There are parts of him I see as soft and squishy, covered by hate to keep Them from bruising. If you don’t like that, do not read this. Otherwise, enjoy.

TW: Mentions of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, sex, physical and emotional abuse, poor mental health, death, manipulation Please do not read if you cannot handle these topics. This part is a lot lighter than part one, though it still has a few sore spots.

Positive Attributes

𖤐 studious and driven, severus is someone to have on your side when you need information. He likely already knows what you need and where to find it. 𖤐 severus is attentive, noticing things you likely didn’t. This often leads to him giving support before needed or compensating for things ahead of time. 𖤐 severus is quite witty and funny, he’s often cracking jokes, but his deadpan tone often makes Them fall flat. 𖤐 severus is incredibly thoughtful, especially when giving gifts. He observes people constantly, and his gifts to others on holidays or birthdays are often times things that are so touching, it's staggering.

𖤐 moments of bliss 𖤐

Negative Attributes

𖤐 severus is so incredibly stubborn. Once he has an idea to do something, well, he will not give up, even if doing it causes him personal harm. 𖤐 severus doesn’t sleep well, so he is constantly grumpy and snappish. 𖤐 severus has terrible social skills and a carefully black tone and expression. This often leads to him coming off angry, mean, or spiteful. 𖤐 severus wears his distaste plainly. It’s clear if he hates you. 𖤐 compliments are earned, to him, so you doing well or being kind to him often doesn’t come with thanks or praise, which can make him seem standoffish. 𖤐 insults are his way of expressing love and care.

𖤐 severus as song lyrics 𖤐

Musical tastes

𖤐 severus never stuck to one genre or another. The music of her youth is that chosen from discard or discount bins. 𖤐 lots of the music severus holds dear is music that is a gift or a moment of perspective shifting.𖤐 her favourite music to brew to us, classical OR absolute rubbish noise music. It depends on what is brewing, delicate potions get the latter. 𖤐 severus owns multiple band tees, also usually discounted, all unknown.𖤐 severus gets a lot of Her love for classical music from ballet classes with Lily. Her favourite pieces spawn from duets they created or performed together and she still hums them to herself often.

𖤐 severus’s playlist 𖤐

Severus has a dynamic relationship with music, it’s typically all around him either playing in his head, him humming while working, or playing out loud while he brews. His tastes are varying, vast, unexpected and usually not the same day to day.

Severus’s clothing

𖤐 for a very long time, clothing meant absolutely nothing. Clothes were a means of covering herself and keeping warm or staying cool. It isn’t until years down the road, probably around 14 or 15, that style mattered. 𖤐 severus, after a day of ballet class, went into town with Lily to hunt down some new leotards and, on a dare, tried one on. It was tight, constricting. She loved it. Lily bought her the leotard and some tights. 𖤐 from that day forward, the pair of them would find and try on anything and everything, Lily gaining a love for baggy cargo pants and jeans, severus a love for dresses and skirts

𖤐 Pinterest outfits severus would wear 𖤐

╰⌲ teens

╰⌲ twenties

hobbies

𖤐 severus has very few hobbies and usually things that were found to be creepy or entirely unexpected 𖤐 they can draw, often doing flowers, bugs, or creatures in the margins of their textbooks and adding art to assignments. 𖤐 severus also does ballet with lily and has for years. The two of them have done duets, individual performances, and won awards. They practice during the school year in a neglected wing that the two of them transfigured. 𖤐 severus also paints, plays piano and violin, can sing, writes long-winded essays on long forgotten topics, and speaks four languages besides English. 𖤐 the languages: German, Latin, Korean, and French.

End Part Two

[sebluvi]

Calm Before The Storm

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

~Based on a request I received. Requests open!~

Sebastian Sallow x fem!reader

House neutral

Kinda spoilers for endgame, but I twisted it in my own way so its not exact!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Sebastian tries desperately to prevent y/n from charging into a deadly battle.

Word Count: 1.3K

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Brimstone and rubble spiraled through the air, and the force from the speed of the wind sent you and Sebastian’s hair flying in all directions at once.

Dark, tall towers of stone and rubble sat on all sides of you, and behind you was a steep cliff.

Flickers of bright red sparks crackled through the air like electricity forming a gigantic powerful cyclone.

You could faintly hear the sounds of your exasperated professors calling Sebastian’s name somewhere far away in the cave.

He shouldn’t be here.

Just HOW did he get here?

You had your feet planted firmly, battling the speeds of the winds against your body, balancing yourself so you wouldn’t topple over the edge. Your back faced the cliff, and your wand at the ready, while Sebastian faced you.

“Y/n, please.” He yelled over the howls of the wind, straining his voice.”-I’m begging you. Don’t do this!” He held his hands out towards you, inching towards you ever so slightly, trying to coax you off the edge.

You furrowed your brows at him, taking a step back. Your hair rippled wildly through the air with the wind. The longer you stood there, the more rubble that would whiz past your face, leaving the smallest cuts on your skin.

 You winced, closing your eyes tight. It stung. You opened them again, glaring at Sebastian.

“Sebastian. This is what I’ve been working towards for months! This is my chance, I have to!”

A loud thunderous roar rumbled through the air. You quickly whipped your head around behind you, Ranrok’s ginormous dragon-form flew into sight, its large wings somehow managing to make the wind fly faster in the cave with each flap of its wings. He soared through the air, flying down and landing on the platform. It seems as if the distraction the professor’s made earlier only lasted for so long. His glowing red body seemed to creak and groan as it moved. The dragon stretched its neck into the sky and sent out a horrifying screech.

You looked back in front of you, and Sebastian stood there with a terrified, pleading expression on his face. Sebastian trusted you to be fine on your own in battle for the most part, but he had only seen you fight mere poachers and ranrok’s loyalists. This was a fucking unknown magic infused dragon!

“I’ve already lost Anne. I cannot lose you too. Please, let the professors handle this, y/n!” He took another step towards you reaching his hand out once more.

You took one more step back, feeling the stone cliffside crack beneath your feet ever so slightly, you glanced down quickly at the ground noticing you didn’t have much more space to move. You darted your vision back to him,

“This is my fight! Not yours, not the professor’s, not even Merlin’s! Sebastian you have to understand! I was born for this!”

Another screeching roar thundered through the air, signaling Ranrok was about to make his move. You looked at Sebastian. This was your last chance. You couldn’t let him get to the reserve. Sebastian was almost close enough to touch you, but he was being careful not to apply too much weight on the edge of the cliff. He was being extremely cautious and calculating about every move he made.

His hair flew wildly in all ways, and bits of rubble had started to accumulate in his hair. He had small thin streams of blood trickling down his face caused by the few minor scratches on his skin resulting from the flying fragments of stone soaring through the air. His robe aggressively fluttered behind him as if he was about to take flight. His eyes were willed with all sorts of negative emotions.

Sad and pleading.

Desperate even.

You wished you could drink in this sight of him, stand there all day and count his freckles.

You wished you could reach out and take his extended hand and just go back to the comfort of your common room, but you couldn’t afford to think like that right now.

Especially since this could possibly be the last time you ever saw him.

You lifted your hand up that wasn’t readying your wand, and used the sleeve of your robe to wipe the tears that were beginning to fall down your face, resulting in smearing the blood that was also on your face over your cheeks.

You were sure you looked ridiculous, but he thought you looked amazing.

Sebastian winced at the feeling of the stone hitting his face, and raised an arm to shield his face from the ever-growing winds.

 “Please. You still have time to turn around. Think about this, y/n”.

“No. You think about this Sebastian. If I don’t do this, we could both die. Good people will die, Sebastian. I’m sorry. I’m doing this to save the world. To save us.”

He took one step closer, finally close enough to touch you. He raised the hand he wasn’t using to shield his face and gently grazed his fingers against your flushed cheeks. The touch lightly stung from the small cuts on your skin, but you welcomed it. Small fragments of rubble grazed the top of his hand as he held it up. His hand moved slightly, cupping your cheek, and he took one step closer. He used his arm to shield both of your faces. He titled his head to lay his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes.

“You’re my world, y/n.”

You looked up at him, tears pooling in your eyes, desperately hoping this wouldn’t be how your last encounter played out.

Sebastian removed his forehead from yours and stared at you at eye-level, hand still cupping your face.

"I know you don't care if you get hurt but I do! I really fucking care if you get hurt! Or worse! I know you’re putting your life on the line to save everyone, but what about us?!”

You stuck your wand back in your waistband slowly, and raised your hands to lay them on his chest.

“Sebastian. You’re being extremely selfish right now. This is bigger than us. I’m sorry.”

You frowned, and glanced down at his lips.

You closed your eyes, and pushed him with both hands harshly, resulting in him being shoved backwards and the ground below you crumbling as you slipped off the edge of the cliff.

The wind rushed through your hair and robes as gravity claimed you. The site of Sebastian’s horrified face grew smaller and smaller each second your body flew through the air backwards.

It actually felt peaceful.

The calm before the storm.

 You closed your eyes, and let your ancient magic consume you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

A/N: In case it was hard to gather from the way i left it, Y/n did not fall to her death. She used her ancient magic to land in an extremely badass graceful way (!) before the final fight.

Requests open, let me know how you felt about this oneshot in the replies! Every comment inspires me to write more.

And yes, pt 2 of love sick is coming

[aphrodieties]

https://www.tumblr.com/aphrodieties/733813072220864512/hi-sorry-to-bother-you-but-im-having-some

Hi sweetie! I’m the anon from the question I linked above. Thank you so much for your answer! Please don’t be sorry for replying late, it should be me who appreciate your time and patience!

I’m sorry I didn’t get back earlier, I was so overwhelmed with the school and application stuff, and I also wanted to really understand and experience what you’ve said in that post.

I kinda get it now. I only need to fulfill myself with the feeling of academic success, and that’s all. I tried to fully live in imagination but I kinda cannot get over the need to revise the transcript physically. I’m afraid this transcript will follow me forever physically. Ever since I got my transcript, I refused to believe it’s actually happening to me, because it’s really terrifying, I may end up getting kicked out of school or no graduate school would accept me…I even haven’t told my parents about the grade thing, so whenever they asked me for the transcript I couldn’t give them, but I can’t fool them forever, that’s why I was so desperately to change my transcript physically.

I’m sorry if this sounds like trauma dumping. I didn’t intend to be this negative at the beginning, I got more and more anxious when I’m writing this. Please ignore me if you find it too negative sweetie, you don’t have the responsibility to answer this!

You are human and you have emotions—it’s completely fine to feel afraid. I get where you're coming from, and you're not trauma-dumping either. There are a few things that you must know; you are completely right to refuse to believe what's happening to you. You’ve got the hardest part down! Do not accept that which you do not want, and you do not want a terrible transcript so you're not gonna accept this one as written in stone. The next steps would be as follows; 3D indifference, taking care of business, and maintaining the state of the wish fulfilled.

I have said this in a previous ask and I feel a bit lazy about recycling responses but I cannot stress this enough; The 3D is not sentient. It has no meaning other than the meaning that you attach to it. Think about the meaning that you're currently attaching to the 3D right now—the meaning that you're attaching to this transcript, “This transcript will follow me forever physically,” “They’ll kick me out of school,” “No graduate school is going to accept me because of my transcript,” these are the meanings that you're currently attaching to the 3D. @etherealkissed88 has an amazing guide about practicing indifference. I've linked it here and I recommend that you read it.

I have mentioned this before too but you don't need to neglect the 3D. Tending to the 3D is not a betrayal of the Law of Assumption, and as long as you aren't attaching any meaning to what you do then you'll be fine. For example; I’m manifesting that I’m a billionaire, and I currently work a minimum-wage job, and I’m working-class. I still work long shifts, and I still pay my bills though I'm manifesting that I'm a billionaire. Why? Because it means nothing. Keeping my bills paid and working isn't a contradiction as long as that's all it is to me. If I attached any further meaning to working long shifts and paying my bills such as, "See! You're not a billionaire,” “You’re still struggling to make ends meet so you're not a billionaire,” etc…, then that would be a betrayal of my imagination and the Law Of Assumption—it would be contradictory to my state too! So, handle your business and do whatever you need to do to take care of the situation with your parents and transcript but don't attach any meaning to it.

The last thing I'm gonna say is—persist, continue to persist in the state of the wish-fulfilled. Persistence pays off, and maintaining the wish-fulfilled pays off. The 3D will reflect as long as you continue to do these things. Please, continue to maintain the wish-fulfilled.

[exonerin]

✾ WIP WEDNESDAY [Obikin | AO3] ✾

Today, I present chapter 3 of Not Made To Last and I offer a snippet of chapter 4! And yes, this time I didn't forget the link to the fic on AO3. (Yes, I edited this post because I forgot the link again)

Please read chapter 3 first before you enjoy the extra snippet. Also, music:

Without further ado, here's more drama:

So, he shuffled back to the room he shared with Obi-Wan, filled with more questions than answers. Also, his chest still itched. Thus, it wasn't surprising Anakin couldn't sleep. Something felt off. Suddenly, his bed was too large, leaving him exposed and vulnerable to the womp rats camping under his bed, and the smells were wrong. Uneasily, he shifted, which made the springs in his thin mattress creak loudly. Immediately, Anakin froze, holding his breath. The urge to burrow deeper under the thin blanket grew overwhelming, driving him insane until Anakin rolled on his side. His tossing and turning was communicated by a symphony of creaking springs.

"Is something wrong, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked, which was a kind way to tell Anakin to be quiet.

"I'm cold," Anakin said, which wasn't a lie. However, it didn't describe the vulnerability that made him feel overly exposed in his bed, nor did it touch on the sense of insecurity that had flayed his heart wide open, allowing anyone to pick through the unprotected emotions hidden behind these walls.

Obi-Wan sighed. Anakin froze in his bed, waiting with bated breath. Obi-Wan left his bed, the springs in his mattress creaking loudly in the silence, only disturbed by the thick sheet of rain hitting the inn's rooftop and windows. Anakin watched Obi-Wan approach him, understanding what Obi-Wan aimed to do when Obi-Wan shucked off his cloak.

"This mission may appear low stakes because no Separatist forces have crashed through the window yet, but we cannot afford to let our guards down, Anakin," Obi-Wan lectured while placing his cloak over Anakin as an extra blanket. "Senators don't disappear without good reason."

Obi-Wan acted like Anakin was an insomniac on purpose. So, Anakin shouldn't delight in Obi-Wan's reprimands, but he had missed Obi-Wan so much that he would soak up the negative attention as readily as anything else.

Once Obi-Wan had deposited his cloak over Anakin, he turned to his own bed. "Sleep well, Anakin."

Anakin pressed his lips together tightly to stop smiling.

"Sleep well, Master."

Obi-Wan didn't correct him, but Anakin didn't know whether this was a victory. Obi-Wan's silence wasn't a tacit approval or permission to call him 'Master' again. Obi-Wan had given up, assuming Anakin didn't care about Obi-Wan's feelings regarding the title. Persisting would make Anakin a selfish monster who refused to ask for what he wanted. Yet, asking meant leaving himself open to the same rejection he had given Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. A rejection that Anakin's heart, battered and fractured as it was, couldn't handle. "Obi-Wan," Anakin whispered so softly he hoped Obi-Wan didn't overhear. He rubbed the fabric of Obi-Wan's well-worn cloak between a thumb and index finger, wondering why his elation had disappeared. Sighing quietly, he pulled the cloak around him tighter, turning it into a cocoon he could burrow into. When he finished nestling in Obi-Wan's cloak, the fabric surrounded him, and on each inhale, he could smell Obi-Wan's pheromones, which clung to the material.

The whiskey and amber dominated, but with his nose pressed to the cloak -- definitely not sniffing the material -- Anakin could also pick up on cardamom. Sweet, spicy, warm, and slightly floral, the hint of cardamom turned a familiar scent into something even better.

[fandomsoda]

…

[Heed the fucking tags, this is a severe expression of severe emotions, if you cannot handle these things please do not proceed for your own safety. Seriously. Please. Please do not hurt yourself by viewing this, especially not if you’re only reading for my own sake.]

@ myself

stupid fucking idiot can’t do anything right, no one wants to talk to you, you don’t deserve that, can’t get anything done on time, fucking idiot keeps being antisocial and expecting people to want to talk to them, just an attention seeking crybaby without the stability or decency to even be awake when everyone else is, can’t go back to sleep, can’t control its emotions, doesn’t deserve anything. Can’t even work on your own passion projects because you’re wrapped up in escapism. You wanted to do that birthday art, didn’t you? Really fucking bad, right? Didn’t even have an idea of what you were going to do yet. But you fucking couldn’t, you held it off and then fell asleep and now you can’t do it because it’s not that day anymore no matter how much you fucking want to do it and can’t even muster up the energy to do it before anyone notices because you’re too busy being a crybaby. And no matter what words of encouragement one gives you or tells you it’s ok to get things done late, it won’t help because your stupid little brain won’t let it be ok, it won’t let you do things if you fuck up. Stupid and useless fucking animal that lashes out at every hurt or inconvenience, everyone is fucking scared of you because you’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to communicate. No one finds you interesting, people don’t like to consider you, and they will all exclude you if they can. How dare you ask for accommodations that inconvenience your friends? They’re far better than you are, they shouldn’t have to change anything for a beast like you. Oh what’s that, you wanna go ask for a hug? From who? You know hugging your family won’t help, and none of your friends are people you can meet. Fucking loser couldn’t even make friends with people who live nearby. Probably because you’re holed up in your little house in the suburbs living a better life than most of the people around you and yet you are still just an ungrateful loser. You have it so much better than everyone else, why do you think your emotions matter? Save your tears for someone with real problems. You annoy and inconvenience others around you, everyone finds you annoying. You wanna play the game in your own way? What a fucking idiot, everyone is going to hate you for that, it doesn’t matter what you say, deviation from the norm is only for people who can do it right, which is basically everyone but you. Do you even have a personality behind all those interests? I bet you fucking don’t. Let’s see, aside from fandoms, you’re… a leftist? Ok but that’s not a personality trait. It can reflect a personality, but it’s not one. Let’s see- you care about people? That’s it? Nothing else that isn’t a negative trait I’ve already berated you for? Ok. Well how about you care about people in a way that doesn’t make you nitpick and freak out and ruin the vibe for everyone? I didn’t think caring too much was possible but damn you make it look easy. And you’re so fucking brain dead you forget what you say seconds after it’s out. And even after all these debilitating emotions you’re still gonna go out of your way to give all your energy to help someone else when you have nothing left to give and you refuse to give it to yourself? Damnit, you never learn. Constantly full of selfish desires yet so self-sacrificing for people who wouldn’t and shouldn’t do the same for you.

pathetic mutt of a human being.

[harunrabbani]

Polarisation: The Impact of the Palestinian/Israeli Crisis on British Teenagers

Entire communities are being polarised, and if not dealt with appropriately, may have long term and permanent consequences on the lives on individuals and our entire society.

The current crisis in the Middle East has serious repercussions in the UK. In this article aimed at senior leaders at secondary/high schools and colleges, I will discuss some of the important issues that teaching staff may wish to consider should they choose to help their students navigate these difficult times.

Please be aware that the purpose of this article is not to discuss the ongoing conflict in Palestine, but the impact it is having and is likely to have on teenagers of school age in Britain.

In the 2011 census, out of the 3.5 million children under the age of five, 320,000 were identified as Muslim. These individuals are now young adults. The proportion of the overall population who identified as Muslim increased from 4.9% (2.7 million) in 2011 to 6.5% (3.9 million) in 2021. It is clearly a growing community that cannot be ignored.

As a result of the recent geopolitical crisis, there is a significant rise in both antisemitism and Islamophobia. School leadership teams (SLT) are all too aware of this and have their work cut out.

How can teachers handle the emotional tsunami hitting teenagers' lives?

Everywhere they look, young adults will be hit by news of tragedies and loss. Social media. Television. Radio. Newspapers. You have to live under a stone to avoid the flood of stories coming out of the independent and mainstream media.

Young Muslim men and women will feel disenfranchised, disempowered, and disconnected. Having grown up in Britain, I know what it feels like being treated like a pariah despite your innocence.

The worst thing to do is to ignore the emotional turmoil and internal clashes experienced by British Jews and Muslims alike. It's not just Muslims who are affected. Children of Jewish descent and unconnected are witness to the hostilities and the propaganda on all sides. This is why helping young adults address their mental health issues is incredibly beneficial in this climate.

From my own experience as Muslim growing up in 70s and 80s Britain, I know my own family and community could have benefitted from support rather than being ignored.

Here are some suggested ideas your students may wish to consider:

1. Calm Yourself

Despite all that's going on around you, make sure you remain calm. We make better choices and take responsible actions when we are calm and collected. Do your best not to let your emotions guide your decisions and actions.

2. Talk with Others About How You Feel

Do not let your emotions fester. Talk to somebody whom you trust and respect to act as a good listener. Whether it is a pastoral member of staff or your local Imam, make sure your voice is heard. Your voice matters, and so do you.

3. Take Care of Yourself

In difficult times, we often forget to pay attention to our own needs. So take care of yourself by eating well, resting well, getting plenty of sleep, and being around people you love.

4. Avoid Using Alcohol, Drugs, and Tobacco

These substances magnify negative emotions and make you feel even more disconnected. Reliance on these leads to poor choices. Poor choices can have lasting effects that are difficult to undo.

5. Have a Daily Routine

If you already have a daily routine, make sure you stay with it. For many Muslim teenagers, the act of daily prayer is a powerful antidote and practice that keeps them levelheaded and calm.

6. Get Involved in Your Community

We all need social connection and the safety of community. Engage with your local community, school group, mosque community or local charity. Volunteering your help and support for the betterment of others will make a difference to others and to you.

7. Get Help if Symptoms Persist

If your mental health has been severely affected by current circumstances, please seek professional help through the school, Mosque, or doctor. Do not ignore your mental and emotional health and well-being.

8. Be there for your friends

If you're trying to help a friend, listen and find out where they are in coping with difficulties. One of the most significant impact you can make is NOT by giving advice, but by being a good listener. No judgment. No prejudice. You'll be surprised at how much it benefits your friend by being a good listener. It will benefit you, too.

Despite what many may lead you to believe, the impact such crises has on young lives is neither a Muslim nor a Jew nor Christian nor an atheist thing. It is a human thing. Teachers already have too much of a burden on their shoulders as it is. Unfortunately, this is another one that they must carry. I certainly hope they will.

Conclusion

The ongoing Middle East crisis is sending ripples across the UK, affecting students from various backgrounds. It is a critical time for school leaders, teachers, and communities to come together to address the emotional challenges these young individuals face.

Ignoring the turmoil within British Jewish and Muslim communities is not an option. It's a moment that demands empathy, understanding, and active support.

By providing students with practical guidance and a listening ear, we can help them navigate these tumultuous times, ensuring their mental well-being and a more resilient future. Let this be a call to action for all of us, to stand with and support the young minds that will shape our nation's future.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About Harun Rabbani

Harun Rabbani is a highly experienced professional speaker, workshop leader, and award-winning trainer. With a wealth of expertise in empowering students and helping them navigate challenging situations, Harun is committed to making a meaningful impact on the lives of young individuals. As a British Asian and Muslim, he understands the clash of values, challenges and solutions that unite people rather than divide.

To learn more about Harun's talks, visit harunrabbani.com. Harun also delivers bespoke training days for teaching staff.

[tnlbarth-blog]

Aug 31 2023 - 3:31pm

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

It's my birthday today. It makes me happy to know I've made it this far in my life. There were plenty of times where I did not think I would be here to see this day. So being able to look into a mirror and see my 32-year-old face is a welcome sight.

This birthday is a special one. Because I get to celebrate it with my pet and best friend Star. It doesn't seem like such a big deal until you find out that she was diagnosed with mammary cancer last November. She hasn't been doing so well the last few days and so I was concerned that she would not make it to today.

This birthday is my favorite one so far. And is by far the quietest one I have had in quite some time. Which I know sounds a bit backwards for most but for me I have been absolutely enjoying myself. I like that I can sit in silence with just my cat and relax.

With everything that has happened since my last birthday I have to say I am very pleased with how I have handled myself. I went through a good portion of stress. But I have a positive attitude. To be honest the positive attitude shocks me. I didn't have to work for the positive attitude and I didn't have to squash down any "negative" feelings or emotions by disassociating or dissociating. That is one of my biggest accomplishments this year.

This month has been a crazy ride. I have been learning to speak my mind. I have been learning how not to people please. And I have been able to set and hold boundaries. All things that I have needed to learn and master for a long time. So I am very proud of myself for that as well. Also this month I have been listening to my intuition which I have found to be a vital key in learning how to live a more positive life.

Even though this year has been tough with taking care of my wonderful kitty and recreating myself after leaving three toxic relationships, I have come out the other side smiling and loving not only myself but the people and animals around me. I had never considered that being the abundance I was asking for. The joy and gratitude I have for who and what I have right now in my life is great. It's hard to express how truly grateful I am right now for what I have.

I cannot imagine what this next year will bring to me but I do know that it will be even more amazing than before.

Regards

TNL Barth

[honeybeewhereartthee]

My Darling Dolls 01: Mayoi Ayase

<previous || Table of content || next >

Mayoi is your first doll, he been with you since childhood. His not kin of showing his oddness or living doll self in front of you but his willing to help you out in some assignments if you left it out in the room with him and some minor things he could help out.

he sometimes would sing you a lullaby when your having a bad dream. Sometimes his smile change but not as drastic for you to compare that it change.

Everytime the little you says I love you, he can transform into a human form because you care so much and love him. But he would only appear as the same age as you are.

Through, he won't appear directly in front of you in human form because he fear that he is too unworthy to be seen in such form that was only possible because of your love for him.

When your really alone and no one would play with, he is willing to show up to play with you in human form he have keep hidden.

He don't want you to cry from loneliness and being bullied by others for bringing him anywhere and everywhere. BUT he don't want to be seen by others because he might suddenly turn back being a doll out of fear being seen in his 'disgusting' and 'ugly' form. But either be a human or a doll you would always treat him the same.

It took him few years before admitting about the fact of him being one of those rare "Darling Dolls" that could become human if love and care enough. They were mistaken as haunted dolls but they are both different type of dolls. Yet they could be if they are overwhelmed by hate and negative emotion, such as having an owner abandoned them, or treated wrongly.

Mayoi previous owner is a bad owner, they don't care enough for mayoi and call him ugly and disgusting, they ruined mayoi doll body (that you later fix when you have him). Thats why he have a low self esteem since the start.

But mayoi can never imagine harming children or anyone just because they did him wrong, he would rather be left in the dark to not be seen by anyone with his unworthy form.

He was nickname a phantom or demon doll because of how he was made.

He said he was made with another three in a batch called 'alkaloid'. He worries about his batch mate if they were treated like him with how his first owner have treated him.

He wish to find them one day or make sure they are fine. As he was one of the first of the three in group. He felt responsible as the elder to find them one day, but he can never bother you or force you to help him.

MC: don't worry I'll find them, so you won't be lonely!

You promise him with eyes with determination and pure innocent. Mayoi almost felt like melting as you gaze him with those kind of eyes.

Mayoi: y-you really don't have too..

MC: I insist! Because I want you happy! I love you, mayoi!

You kiss the doll head as you happily says this.

Suddenly something pop and the doll become human. A handsome young man with long dark purple hair hair tied in a braid and a familiar black ribbon. Shaken surprised blue eyes stared back at your own, red paint pasted on his face from the kiss you just did.

Mayoi:....

MC:... 👁️ O 👁️ ✨

it's the first time in a long while since mayoi appear in his human form in front of you, it don't occur to you, he could be taller than you are. Before you can look at his feature more, the humanoid doll already back to his doll form, and quickly to crawl to your bed and hide beneath it. Scared that you would now judge him for his looks. He cannot bare to hear you say such words.

He would rather hide and not hear it. He fear his heart cannot take such pain if so, even if you won't say such words. Being gaze and stared by you is enough to send him to bad state where he cannot handle the mess he might make. It's not a bad thing, his just so embarrassed about it.

Mayoi: p-please. Don't stare at those eyes, I cannot take it...

MC: but your good looking! Like those idols! Your pretty since long ago but your too shy to appear before me. =3=

you went to reach out to the shrinking and shy doll under your bed, when you manage to gasp him, he froze but when you see he have dust around him, you quick to dust him clean.

Mayoi: b-because I'm unworthy...

MC: you aren't. >:'( stop saying that.

You nag him before you stood up and is going to the bathroom.

MC: Now it's time for a bath.

Mayoi: b-bath...?!

Mayoi suddenly felt like his going to die from embarrassment when he think about it. He forget that he always keep himself undust and clean so this kind of sceneries wouldn't happen, but he was so dumb to forget such fact, now his dusty and dirty. He going to take a bath with you. Doll or not he felt he cannot handle such thing!

Through a bath with you made him think of many scene that probably would sent him to hell, and overload his mind to the point, you could see smoke come out from his head if this is a cartoon show.

MC:... Can dolls Faint? Lol. But this is mayoi, so probably.

You stare at the unmoving doll in your hands as you open the door to the bathroom. It seems that Mayoi has fainted.

You did clean him up softly and dry him up with towels and hair dryer, just like a YouTube tutorial says how to care of plush dolls.

You stared at the doll as you thought about the dolls he speak of, maybe tomorrow or the next free day, and you go and search for those three.

[mochikage]

avoiding him  |  iwaizumi.

i made these into hcs bc i forgot how easy they were <3 

As much as you hate to admit it, Iwaizumi was almost as popular as Oikawa. The only difference between the two is that Oikawa looked welcoming and not at all intimidating. He didn’t have the resting bitch face that his best friend did. 

You loved Hajime, he’s been your neighbor and good friend since the two of you were in elementary school. So many sleepovers with him and Oikawa with coordinated jammies. 

You were bound to have feelings for one of them at some point. It was unavoidable. You just wished it was Oikawa. He would have been so much easier to confess to. Liar. You’re just a pussy and any other option seems better at this point. 

So, long story short, you have a crush on your childhood friend, how cliche

You’re able to ignore your feelings for the most part. It’s not like the two of you spent too much time alone. Usually, Oikawa would be there on your walks home or when you would hang out but the times that he wasn’t, you really felt like your nerves would cause you to combust

Things go well, until your stomach started feeling funny even when Oikawa was there. Until you started blushing when Iwaizumi was just standing by you. 

So, you did what any young dumb honey bun in your situation would od

You started avoiding your best friends 

You stopped showing up to the practices to watch them play (you mostly did your homework and waited for Oikawa and Iwaizumi to be done so you can all walk home together)

of course this doesn’t go unnoticed by either of your best friends

but you don’t give them the chance to confront you

Iwaizumi has tried calling you almost every day or tried to facetime you to see if you wanted to do homework together (which was really just the two of you doing your homework but being on the phone together) 

You denied all of his calls

Oikawa was not as easy to give up, especially seeing how it’s affecting his best friend both mentally and on the court 

Oikawa knows Iwaizumi likes you, even if Iwaizumi doesn’t know it yet

and he’s starting to suspect you like him too, especially with how react differently seeing Oikawa alone in the halls vs with when he’s with Iwaizumi. He’s never seen you move so quickly in the opposite direction

Oikawa himself is starting to get anxious because the qualifiers for nationals is coming up and he needs Iwaizumi at his BEST.

and he misses his two best friends all hanging out with him :(

After a month, Iwaizumi has HAD IT. He is FED UP(tm) 

He was fed up with spending alone time with Oikawa. He was fed up with walking to and from school with only Oikawa. And he was fed up with not seeing your stupid cute face everyday. He’s over it. 

He wakes up extra early one morning so he is able to go on his run and get ready for school. He goes to wait outside your house because he knows you’ve been leaving early to avoid them. To avoid him >:(

He waits there for maybe half an hour before you’re rushing out the door. You don’t see him at first, not until you hear his voice.

“Hey stranger.”

He would laugh at your reaction if he wasn’t so bothered by your behavior in the last month or so

“Iwa...hi..” You’re basically the shocked Pikachu face

You start walking to school and he can tell you’re really nervous, so instead of bombarding you with questions, he decides to check how you’re doing first because he’s a sweet guy deep down who cares about you (part of the reason he was worried about you was because you might not have been doing well mentally and he just wanted to be there for you)

You tell him you’ve been really busy with school that you just needed some time to yourself to sort out your feelings for him 

And he’s so understanding it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating because even after avoiding him for weeks, he’s still going to be the shoulder you can cry on

“So..I have a big game today and it would really mean a lot for me if you were there for emotional support..” Iwaizumi shoves his hands in his pocket and looks away from you, at a distant store to see if he could get the blush on his cheeks to go away before you notice it

You agree to go, promise him that you’ll be there because it really is the least you could do 

You keep your promise and show up to the game. Oikawa sees you in the stands and waves your way, making every girl around you scream. Iwaizumi does the same, making more of them scream. 

You sigh, listening to them talk about how good they looked. Not even how well they were playing or how impressive their plays were. 

You did see Oikawa and Iwaizumi make a play that you knew they’ve been practicing since their first year together

and you couldn’t help but stand up and cheer for them, screaming so loud that your voice cracked

to make things even better, that play is what got them their victory to qualify

Iwaizumi is high off adrenaline and is looking for you through the crowds descending from the bleachers

His smile widens when he makes eye contact with you and he starts making his way to you. And his smile starts to hurt when he finally is able to give you a hug. It’s cut far too short for his liking, and he contemplates using his strength to force the hug longer but with your behavior lately, he decides against it 

Before he can process your words, you’re saying goodbye to him 

It takes him a total of seven seconds to realize that you were walking away from him, again

He shakes his head and runs out after you because he seriously cannot handle another month like the past one

He stops you before you can reach the gates of the school

“Okay, Y/N. This is ridiculous. Why are you so upset? Did I do something to you? Did someone say something? Is there a problem?” 

He’s surprised when you yank your arm from his grasp

“Yes, you’re the problem!” 

he takes a step back from you and before he can think anything else, you continue

“I don’t mean it like that, it’s just...” Your heart is starting to pound in your chest and you’re starting to get really nervous because is now really the time to tell him why you’ve been avoiding him?

“How else do you mean it then? Because you’ve been avoiding me this past month and I’m starting to miss you, you know.” 

And before you know it, you’re crying

Iwaizumi is so confused but he hates seeing you cry

“Y/N, please just tell me what I need to do to fix this. I just want you back in my life.”

“I need space, Hajime. I want to sort my feelings out.”  You finally come out to say it and you’re avoiding eye contact with him 

“Feelings?”

You look up at him with tear stained cheeks and he hopes to never see you like this again. You only nod

“Feelings about me?”

You nod again

“Negative feelings?” He almost doesn’t want to ask in the case that you confirm what he’s been scared off this past month losing you 

When you shake your head he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding 

“What kind of feelings, Y/N?” He whispers, praying that he’s about to hear the words he’s been dying to hear since your first year of high school

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” You mumble at him, staring at your feet. 

He crosses his arms and you have to force yourself not to stare at his biceps. “Yeah, actually for making me feel like shit this past month. I think it’s the least you could do.” He reaches a hand out to gently wipe your eyes and face, moving his fingers from your cheeks to your chin. He gently pulls your chin up to make you looks at him. “Tell me” he whispers

“Promise things won’t change if I say anything?” 

He almost laughs, because for him the best case scenario between the two of you, things WILL  change. He nods, just for your own sake. He’s praying this conversation goes where he wants, no, where he needs it ot go

“I like you Hajime.”

The way your bottom lip is trembling is making it so tempting for him to just lean down and kiss you, kiss all your worries away

“That was the issue?” He teases, hoping to make you feel better about the situation

“Yes. Will you please let me go wallow in self pity now?”

“No. I’m taking you on a date.” He says so casually, stopping any more tears that escape your lash line with his thumb. Your jaw opens and closes, unsure of what to even say. Was he being serious?

Iwaizumi chuckles to himself at your dumbfounded expression. He leans closer to you. “Can I kiss you now or do I have to wait for that later?”

A smile tugs at your lips and you’re the first to lean in to the kiss, a kiss that’s been at least two years overdue. He’s savoring every moment of this kiss, memorizing the way your lips slot perfectly against his, the rhythm that you set, the way you hum into it happily when he pulls you closer by your waist. 

He curses his lungs for not being able to hold out any longer. He pulls away slowly, smiling to see you chase the kiss to make it last just a little bit longer

“Now that feels like a victory to me.” He says, beaming down at you

[mochikeiji]

Enough For Me

Request: "Congratulations on 1k!!! you deserve it, you’re a really good writer. Can i request prompt 12 “please don’t cry” angst to fluff with yuuta from jjk. thank you, congrats."

12. "please, don't cry."

↠ Pairing: Okkotsu Yuta x Reader

↠ Warning: angst to fluff

↬ Word Count: 1.5k

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event

When did every thing become so loud?

One minute you were similing. Laughing loud with a hint of the obvious enjoyment masked on your features. Then second you're staring to nowhere but silence greeting you. An expression so dim that the light in your eyes wasn't present as well. Left at the forest training grounds, the others had already gone back to their dorms. You told them you were staying for a bit for extra training when in reality, you were looking for an outlet without anyone witnessing your hour of vulnerability.

Stupid clan and their elders. As disrespectful as it may sound, you understood now why Gojo despises them. Loud it was to the point it deafens your ears; the murmurs of a child cast away from the bloodline because of the mockery it holds. A no good sorcerer was never welcome in families like yours. People would still chew on your head even when you have your backs turned on them. So frustrating it was to shoulder a burden of their devilish gossip and expectations.

At first it was alright. You handled it well. But to the extent where one of the higher ups brought it up during a meeting? How many people know of you and the disappointment you carry?

Gojo had his fist clenched that day. Maki understood you more than anyone, having to be someone who ran away from her clan as well. Inumaki and Panda did their best in comforting you, telling you that humans are weird to drag other humans down when they're the same race. That was just being so entitled, said Panda. You however, convinced your comrades you were fine. You were used to it. And it was fine.

It didn't matter what other's say as long as other's knew you for what you weren't, right?

That doesn't mean you couldn't help but become overwhelmed of the impact they had on you. Like knives forcefully shoved their ways through your heart. The pack of negative energy should've been enough to form a large curse that could take you.

Loud it was indeed. To have so many people shit their way into your life when you only wanted to live yours and not bother theirs.

You gulped down the heavy lump in your throat. Caught up in the fog of profanities from the world. Who were you kidding, you weren't Maki who can handle all this thrown at her. Tumbling and falling, that was all you knew about yourself in your whole life. The nails that grip in your palms pierced through the skin as blood trickles down, no amount of pain could level the amount of pent up emotions you buried in your heart.

Perhaps you've were born in the wrong time and place. If only you were a simple civilian, maybe life wouldn't be so bad. A loving family would be there, instead of the ones that were throwing their unfulfilled dreams to their children and controlling of their destiny.

The look in your mother's eyes will forever haunt you. Looking already as tired as you were, her eyes spoke more emotion than you could ever endure as loveless, empty ones met your teary gaze that very day.

"I only wanted a daughter who could've done so much for me as I've given her life after birth."

Your heart throbs, soon you were down on the dirt covered ground on your knees. The weight of her words colliding in the world you swore was a safe space for you. It shouldn't matter. Not when they've cast you away and yet, no matter what there is, she was still your mother.

And still the pain is as fresh as ever coming from the one you used to call, "family."

As loud as your world was, your cries were louder and clearer this very night. As if with all your might, you wanted to scream from above on how this was truly unfair. Wanting someone— anyone to hear you curse at the world you were forced to live in. It hurts your lungs, it was indeed hard to grasp small bits of oxygen when your insides felt like they were shrinking from the compact.

You wish you could scream at your mother that deep inside you still loved her. Even as a child who never received the motherly love they deserved, you loved her dearly. It was by instincts and the remains of your vision as a baby, being held in someone arms in hushing your cries.

The surface felt so firm unlike you remembered how it was when you were young. Yet the warm embrace felt nostalgic as it shielded you from the cold blistering wind of the night, you find yourself searching against the surface without a care of any danger or anything anymore. You wanted to be comforted for once. To not feel alone.

"Please don't cry."

Small hushes drowned out your sobs, an arm wrapped firmly around your waist while the other pets your head at the outmost caring matter. Curling closer, your hand held the one on top of your head. Taking in the rough texture, but reminding yourself that someone was now here in your time of need. Here after being away most of the times.

"Yeah, it's me." sensing your troubles as he averts his gaze away from you as if he was embarrassed. "I heard what happened. I managed to finish up much just to get here." next to him was the blade he carries around. Probably less hazardous as to why he place it down.

"Yuta.." sobbing as you clutched on the white material he wore. He immediately reverts back to soothing you in your distressed state. Something about the way he holds you only made you tear up more. It broke his heart in pieces to see you hold onto him as if he was the only person left to anchor yourself. And here he thought he had it worse back then, your body language brought this resemblance to the girl he used to hold just as he was doing now.

"Shh, I promise you that none of those words said about you is true."

Easier said, he knew that. It was easy to reassure someone of their thoughts, but it's not that easy to erase. The mind is a wondrous and torturous place to be in. Old memories can be dug out to the surface and you'd still feel the emotion like it just happened yesterday. Oh if you had Yuta's vision of you, you'd believe in his words.

A strong role model like you is exactly the reason why Yuta aims to be the strongest as well. To help people realize that strength isn't found in the words of other human beings, but within yourself. Yes, it's a harsh world we live in. Those who feel lowly amongst themselves would drag those above them. And those who feel the surge of entitlement snarls at those below them.

But no matter who it is that doubts you, and your potentials, there would always be someone behind you, with the glimmer in their eyes, you are their hope and inspiration in some ways.

That is what Yuta murmurs next to your ear, your cries now subsided to focus on his voice. "You're doing great. We've seen it. I've seen it." facing you with his boyish smiles, you wondered how'd this guy who came looking like a ragged mess become someone twinkling brighter than the stars above the night sky. It was contagious, it made you smile so minimal.

"There's that pretty smile." chuckling, he pats your head softly like treating a little kid. Yuta knows deep down that he can't fully resolve the thoughts inside of you— one of these days you'll have these moments again. And it saddens him because he's often away from you. Yet he's breathless at the fact that you're able to hold yourself off with all these tormenting you.

"You're amazing, darling." came out lower than a whisper before his lips closed in with yours. Last time he kissed you boy was he sweating buckets. He wasn't even as bold as now to be able to initiate first and pull you flush against his chest. But the erratic pace of his heart still was the same as ever. The loudness that had clouded you vanished. All you could hear now were pleasant chorus played by the crickets of the night and the wind lacing together throughout the atmosphere.

He promises to do much more with you for the time being. Help you mend the wounds no one can see and assist with the battles you two could only share and understand. One day as he stated before he would walk through the doors of your clan and prove to them that you were the diamond in the rough they've thrown but he's found.

You were his own butterfly. Beautiful to his eyes, you bestowed your wings; and to yours you cannot see but for people to admire.

"Give yourself more credit. You've done so much, my love."

© all content belongs to mochikeiji. Please do not repost or copy, ありがとうございました!! (=^･^=)

[teresiel]

Thoughts on Marwa (and on the general direction in S4) below:

This is long, please bear with me though!

I was let down by this season as a whole. Much of what was developed was either underwhelmingly so, or was jettisoned before it could reach fruition. None of Colin’s plot matters unless they have the tenacity to stick to Laszlo’s reaction to the amnesia...and I don’t hold out much hope that they’ll be quite that introspective. They may, but it wouldn’t align with prior handling of him, they save that for Nandor.

Nandor’s plot was compelling and a nice extension of his crises of last season, but ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth when the bits that are crucial to his growth - the acknowledgement that one doesn’t need to cling to their past for relevancy, one doesn’t need to repress their emotions for a figure previously regarded as vulnerable, one doesn’t NEED to have a reason for existing - were spurred on by the fruitless deconstruction and whitewashing of the ONLY recurring female POC.

Nadja and the Guide didn’t even need to be there. Nothing of note occurred. I don’t have anything negative to say, but that’s not a good thing either.

That’s not to say the season wasn’t generally funny, charming, and full of the same energy from prior seasons that makes me care for the characters. Who else is going to give you a changing room montage with half a torso, an eldritch progenitor, and two nasty fancy goblin women?

BUT. It’s hard to retain any positivity when the season ended on such a blithe note, prefaced by misogyny and racism.

I think it's valid to be critical even if you're not a fan of Marwa (I mean yeah, i didn't much like her - as an extension of her whole plot - even though I'm glad she was around). They could've illustrated Nandors depravity a host of ways that didn't include stripping the only POC woman on the show of her agency and self and literal personhood and literally whitewashing her into a white guy from a colonialist country. When your POC only find happiness by turning white? That's repellent.

I’ve little energy left to attempt to elucidate for those that condescend to those who are frustrated, with arrogrant aplomb as they jeer how they saw what was obvious, that there’s no issue with Marwa’s death within an universe where side-characters are commonly the butt of the joke and are expected to be killed off. I’m SO beaten down by it, that I’m going to copy and paste again. To those that cannot comprehend why Marwa’s specific situation (not even her “death” really, though that was also uncomfortable): 

You really are that disconnected from the reality of POC women and the struggles they constantly face trying to navigate around whiteness and objectification and the lack of allowance for existing huh. This should NEVER have been treated as comedic. Regardless of how efficacious the plot point was in underscoring the lack of humanity of its characters, SOMEONE needed to speak up in the writers room and illustrate that this method would bring up negativity and upset.

I am so unimpressed by the posts of people snidely pointing out "oh well OBVIOUSLY I predicted she wouldn't last the season/this show is a comedy/side characters are always tossed away"  like. You missed. The entire. point. (Also side characters have become recurring main roles throughout the show, cmon now).  You paid enough attention to get frustrated by the others in the fandom (and have enough time and effortful care for your perception of the show to attempt to explain to others why they shouldn’t be upset at just another death treated for comedy’s sake in a show predicated on that kind of humour) yet you STILL neglected the glaring difference and inherent issues of objectification of a woman of colour and the whitewashing of a woman of colour. (Not to mention she's transformed into a man from a royalist/imperialist nation 😬)

TLDR when one of the main writers of the show proceeds to delete his proud lil tweet about his proud little episode that he’s so proud of (due to the fanbase pushing back), there’s something singularly rotten in your writing. (Please continue to go off on Zach Dunn, but hold the rest of the writers accountable who had their hands and eyes on this and had every means to speak up).

[idiacide]

Match-up info from 📖! Fine with either a match-up with a student or staff, whoever fits best with me. They/them pronouns please! I'd like to think I'm rather laidback and chill, generally try to be polite and amicable on first meeting. Though I definitely can be reserved if I don't click well with someone right off the bat. Though, if we have a shared interest/passion or I can sense the person is really kind, I can definitely open up a lot more easier and can get animated, loud, and excitable.

I try to be a good ear and shoulder to cry on if say my partner has something weighing on them. But if they need advice, I won't be afraid to have a firm tone with them if they need to hear the truth. Of course the support would be overflowing cuz nobody wants to see their partner sad. Definitely can say my love language is affection through physical touch and spending quality time.

Some bad qualities I do have are that I can get rather defensive if someone points out a flaw or I did something wrong. I REALLY cannot let go of grudges if someone has hurt me and I do have a bad habit of not mentioning it cuz I'm too proud to go crawling to the other person to admit I was hurt. (Trying hard to fix this though hrhgrgh) DEFINITELY can get sharp-tongued and raise my voice if someone gets an attitude with me. But at the end of the day, will try to mend anything and clear the air cuz I'd rather be happy than overthink on festering negativity.

Finally, some interests/hobbies include writing, illustrating, animals/wildlife, handcrafts (sewing, crocheting, building minatures, etc), video or tabletop games, collecting merch or interesting lil knick knacks, animated shows, and webcomics.

Sorry if this was so much info, just wanted to give as much foundation as I could, aaaaaaaa.

First paid matchup lets fucking goooo. If you yourself would be interested in a matchup+meetcute, feel free to send me 10 dollars on ko-fi and dm me to work on the specifics.

After having read this over few times, I match you with Jade Leech

-Laidback and chill is a break and a half for Jade, who is used to having to deal with MUCH stronger personalities all day long. It would be the politeness more than anything which drew his attention. Most people tend to treat him as though he’s always up to something. Which, to be fair: he usually is. But still, it’s at least a little frustrating to be held at arm’s length before you’ve even had the chance to say anything. As time goes on he comes to appreciate your general easy-going nature. While he enjoys a bit of chaos in his life, it’s nice to be around someone who neither judges nor worsens circumstances around them.

-Its rare he’ll take advantage of your listening ear, as he prefers to handle matters that trouble him on his own. Still, having the option available to him is honestly refreshing. Floyd tends to be too caught up in his own whirlpool of emotions to really notice what’s going on with his twin. Additionally, he appreciates being able to come to you when he wants an honest assessment. Jade values truth in his partners, and hates people who dance around the facts just to ingratiate themselves. Though he’s not the touchiest person in the world, he’s eager to provide if it helps you relax.

-Again, Jade’s used to dealing with a great deal of stubbornness. There’s a part of him that can even find it endearing. He’s an incredibly patient man, and even gets a little kick sometimes out of encouraging your grudges into a vengeance cycle.Your enemies are his enemies, after all~  However, like you, he tells the truth to the people he values. He’s very careful and tactful, but manages to help you keep certain things in perspective and not go overboard too often.

-As for hobbies, while you share a mutual interest in nature, Jade’s also quite willing to learn about your other fascinations. Handcrafts and your curious collection of items in particular are very readily compelling to him, and he’ll happily listen to you explain the lore behind each of them. As long as you’re willing to repay the favor with his mushrooms.

Meetcute: 

You rocked back on your heels, fidgeting a little with the straps of your pack. The sunlight is just beginning to peak out over the horizon, and you have to keep bouncing from leg to leg to keep warm. Your breath comes out in cloudy spirals. 

Where was everyone? You were fairly certain those fliers had mentioned meeting in the courtyard outside the Hall of Mirrors. 

You hadn’t exactly been searching hard for extracurriculars, but the posted notice for the Mountain Lover’s Club had drawn your eye. You’d always loved animals, and since arriving in this strange world you couldn’t shake a lingering curiosity about the types of magical creatures that might be out there. The poster had promised an early morning hike, free for all prospective members to join. No paperwork required.

Leading to you, standing out here in the cold. Alone.

You were beginning to contemplate cutting your losses and heading back to Ramshackle to warm up when a voice startled you out of your drifting thoughts.

“I must admit, I honestly didn’t expect anyone else to be here.”

You jerked around like you’d been caught. A VERY tall young man with choppy teal hair was emerging from one of the many passageways. Like you, he was dressed for the outdoors, with sturdy clothes and a slightly worn backpack resting comfortably on his shoulder. He seemed almost amused by your presence, mismatched eyes gleaming through the dim light. 

You scrounged desperately around your still growing list of names and faces. It was early days yet, but you had the sneaking suspicion this one had a twin.... “You’re....Jade, right?” God you hope you nailed that one, switching the names somehow felt ruder than just not knowing altogether. He rewards you with a smiling nod as he comes to stand in front of you though, filling you with relief.

“And you’re the prefect of Ramshackle dorm. I’ve heard much about you.”

“Yeah, well....” You shifted a little bit from foot to foot, slightly embarrassed by the notoriety. Isekai into one school orientation... “You said you weren’t expecting anyone?”

“A club involving this much physical exertion with this little glory isn’t exactly popular among students here.” It doesn’t sound like that fact particularly bothers him. You catch a glimpse of sharp teeth as he talks. “We have a few other nominal members, but I’m typically the only one participating in activities like this.”

“Well....that makes this a little awkward, then.” You say, trying to joke off the dawning realization that you’d just signed the two of you up for multiple potential hours of one on one time.

“Is it?” He tilts his head, almost curiously. “I’m not sure....I’ve never minded the privacy, I mainly make the posters for Crowley’s benefit.”

Despite yourself, you feel the faintest twinge of irritation. Sure, it was one thing to joke about it, but did he seriously mean to imply he didn’t want you here? Ordinarily you might not assume so, but with how rude everyone at this school habitually is...”Should I go then?”

His eyes widen, almost in surprise. “Oh, no, you misunderstand. I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. A novelty, rather.” He checks his watch, humming faintly. “Shall we go?”

“Uh...” Stranger. In the woods. For hours. Well, why not. “Sure.”

He smiles again, this time giving you a full view of those sharky teeth of his. You follow him into the hall of mirror, up the stairs towards the world mirror.

“Can I ask what your interest is with this activity?” He said, glancing back at you as you follow him up the stairs. “I’d have thought you’d be more focused on trying to find your footing in the new environment.”

Again, you still weren’t sure how much he meant to sound passive aggressive. Something about the tone read more like genuine curiosity to you, though. “It’s....all been a little overwhelming, honestly.” You admitted. “But...I always liked nature back home. I don’t quite have the tools to engage in a lot of my other hobbies here, but I figure mountains can’t be too terribly different between worlds, right? Besides, there might be some interesting animals to look at. Does that make sense?”

His expression doesn’t change much. But you swear there’s something that flickers, just a little, behind his eyes. “It does. Truly.” The two of you finally arrive at the mirror. Jade pulls his magic pen from his pocket, tapping the glass and watching the ripples carefully. “I’ve always found it relaxing, as well as educational?”

“Educational?”

He grins. “There’s such a broad variety of mushrooms to study here on land...”

In the end, the hours weren’t anywhere near as awkward as you might’ve dreaded. Jade was an easy enough conversationalist, but never seemed to mind the quiet when you ran out of words. More than that, he was a surprising fount of information. You guess it only made sense for what you assumed was the club president? But he usually had some interesting tidbits on the variety of fauna you spotted, as well as a few handy guides on the place which could help fill in the gaps.

“You really do your research.” You say, squinting hard at a few sketches of birds to see what best resembled the one echoing every last word you said. Research, research, research.

“As I said, I’m usually alone up here. Being well-researched is a basic precaution.” Caution, caution caution. He chuckles, turning to you. “Though it is rather gratifying to have someone to say this all out loud to, I’ll admit.”

Out of courtesy, you ask him a few questions about the mushrooms he gathers as you go. You’re not expecting much, necessarily, but the wealth of information is surprisingly engaging, as well as the clear passion he has for the subject.

All told....you wouldn’t mind making it more of a regular thing. Nor, judging by the surprised look on his face when you asked him about formal applications, would he. 

[douxie-casperan]

Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

~

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart 

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.