#this wasnt even my deal i was just the messenger!

[wraenata]

Pillow attack courtesy of the @tapakah0 army

I missed the battle. I passed out under the pillow. Sorry :(

(Thank you for the pillow attack though!)

[29121996]

made a joke 2yrs ago abt if it didnt work out w him id have to just date women

[beingstalked]

8th June 2019 - Phil first had signs of chicken pox. From the 8th we would video call on Facebook messenger, this was on my days off from work or after I'd finished work.

14th June 2019 - I saw him to take him a present to feel better and some treats. Even though I'd had chicken pox as a kid, Phil didn't want me catching it so we sat opposite side of the rooms. The photo I posted about seeing him was when we went out for a meal 31st May 2019. I even said in the post I couldn't hug and kiss him. I was sat opposite him for a max of 30 minutes and then I left.

23rd June 2019 - Phil was not contagious anymore. All his chicken pox had crusted over and started to drop off, so me and Phil saw each other, we had a hug and posted a photo a together. 16 Days after he first showed signs, I finally got to hug him. By the 29th June he was all clear and had no signs of chicken pox.

I'm addressing this because this was something else Liam, Stacey and the mutual friend made a big deal about discussing at a then 1 year olds birthday party. Phil didn't attend (the party was the 24th June 2019) purely because if there was the slightest chance he couldve passed it on to a young child, he didn't want that, so he bought a present and just explained he couldn't go because of chicken pox. He literally didnt want to pass it on and make anyone ill, but apparently it was the end of the world because Phil had seen his girlfriend whilst being ill. The reality probably was Liam got pissed because he once again wasn't getting all of Phils attention, he didn't like it and chose to bitch about it at the party and chose a 1 year olds party to cry like big babies, yet if anyone had caught chicken pox if Phil had attended, it wouldve been the constant blame game and "oh if you wasnt 100% clear you shouldnt have come and now we've all caught it" and bought it up in the last argument like it was a big deal, laughable. But the amount of health problems those people who chose to bitch have got, seeing my boyfriend from a distance to cheer him up and then seeing him 9 days later when he had cleared up was nothing compared to the ongoing stuff they have. So he can cry and be a big baby all he wants but its controlling trying to bring up something that Phil did with his loved one, getting mad and acting as if Phil had cheated on him by seeing his girlfriend. Whilst Phils not the cheat out of the two of them (this evidence is posted privately) Phil doesn't need Liams permission to see friends or girlfriends, so it's very controlling of Liam and the other 2, to make the biggest deal out of it. Its stupid I even have to address seeing my own partner, but that's how controlling these two were, because they only saw each other Saturdays, Liam wanted the time not seeing Stacey dedicated to talking or gaming with Phil, whereas because me and Phil had a relationship where we saw each other as much as we could, we was looking for our own place in 2019, we was trying to conceive a baby, we got engaged, there was so much we was doing that Liam & Stacey didn't know about because Phil only wanted to discuss that with his closest friend who's like a Brother to him, This is something Phil chose not to tell Liam, he told his Best Mate, Will but Liam didn't know any private stuff me and Phil was doing because we chose those closest to us to discuss it all. I'd also like to point out when Liam made a comment about his mates not talking to Phil much and they had apparently all called me controlling, Phil spoke daily to Will. Phil doesn't reply to all messages on messenger, he always chose to have longer conversations with Will, even if Liam had messaged, he would ignore the message to talk to Will, the other 2 friends had no idea about the comment because they spoke on messenger and to this day have a group chat on WhatsApp. Liam just wanted to act controlling and make it sound like everyone thought bad of me, possibly to try get Phil to split up with me, but Phil went directly to them and they all basically said that comment was bullshit. Oh and the comment where apparently Liam & Phil hardly spoke, I'll screen record the conversation, then see how often the two spoke and how that apparently still wasn't enough for Liam.

[bangcakes]

dude its literally so Nice to just hang out with ppl n not have to be paranoid that ur saying/doing the wrong thing constantly. or like....... having the entirety of a hang out depend on the happiness of one person..... like if she wasnt having a good time then none of us were allowed to n we'd have to leave.... but then she'd also get mad if we left early b/c she wanted to hang out longer.... n it was like ok but ur miserable djxjdkdnd. like......... either way we were Doomed bro n i Literally can't believe we used to like......... deal with that behaviour fhfjdjdjdjnd. like imagine........

[virtual-luvr]

Hello I really like your jumin han stories, so I have a request for more. I don't have much of a plot but like male y/n is going to move in woth jumin and he has 2 male cats who are both neutered, but jumin is still complaining that the cats are gonna try and get Elizabeth the 3rd pregnant( even though it's not possible). Eventually jumin warms up to the other cats and y/n makes fun of jumin by taking pictures of jumin and the cats cuddling saying that Elizabeth is gonna be jealous. He/him for reader. Please and thank you.

Warming up

Pairing: Jumin x Reader

Pronouns: he/him

Content: you have two cats, jumin is scared-

Description: Jumin slowly starts to warm up to your two male cats

Note: ah im so glad you like my writing!! And thank you for requesting, i hope you like it !

------------------

Jumin liked to plan everything in advance, thats how he worked best. So when he had finally visited your apartment for once and seen your two...male...cats, he was incredibly frustrated.

He wanted you to move in with him, hell, you guys were both already planning on moving in together.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that you had two male cats but you had only told Jumin you had two cats, never did you say what sex they were.

You thought it was no bug deal but at this point Jumin was almost sweating, your calm and collected boyfriend had essentially flashed out of existence.

"Jumin you dont have to worry, theyre both neutered" you say with a laugh, you couldnt deny the situation was a little funny.

Jumin still seemed panicked as he looked at both of your cats.

"I cant have them near my Elizabeth, they'll get her pregnant"

Jumin stands close to you, inching closer and closer as your two cats move towards Jumin.

At this point his arms are around your waist and hes hiding behind you, your cats still moving closer to him. Of course they got very close trying to smell him since you usually came hone smelling like him as well.

You call for them to get closer but Jumin hesitates, arms tightening around you.

"Jumin why are you even running away from them?"

"Because if they get close then when I come home Elizabeth will smell them on me and I dont want that" he says, voice monotone but his eyes stood glaring at your cats.

You turn around and look at Jumin in the eyes, giving him a playful glare and softly grabbing his face so his attention is on you instead of your cats.

"I, your amazing boyfriend who would never ever lie to you, has told you time and time again that there is no way they can get Eli pregnant"

Jumin lets out a groan, adjusting his stance and looking back at you.

Suddenly his business like demeanor came back, you hadnt seen that in a long time since you guys started dating, he was usually much more open now.

"Fine, they can come to the apartment but they are not staying in close contact to Elizabeth, atleast not yet"

You chuckle but agree, you know he just wants whats best for Elizabeth and shes very dear to him.

You brought your face sloer to his and gave him a small kiss, which still somehow suprised him.

"What was that for?"

"To seal our contract"

"Oh i see, well can I have some that arent business inquired ones?" A small smile sets on his face as he looks at you after saying that, eyes soft but filled with love.

"Of course Mr. CEO" you say while leaning in.

"Dont call me that" Jumin groans out before kissing you back.

Forgetting your cats are there, while you had that whole conversation, they got much more closer then before. Now one of them wrapping his tail around your leg and the other pawing at Jumins shoe.

Jumins breathe hitches as he sees them but tries his best not to move, knowing he shouldnt be scared of anything happens.

While in that moment he didnt pet them or anything, it was a good start.

---------

Its been a few weeks, you're now settled into an apartment with Jumin.

Yours cats though, werent as settled in.

You were hoping in around a week they'd be able to get closer to Elizabethn Jumin was still hesitant.

Dont get me wrong, all cats were roaming around, it wasnt like your cats were in a cage or something.

Its just they have been under heavy supervision, if Jumin was not there he had a bodyguard watch over all three.

(He didn't trust you enough with this he knew you would let your cats cuddle up to Elizabeth as soon as possible)

This evening was one where both of you were not going to be at home, so Jumin quickly called up a bodyguard.

"He won't be at home and I currently have to get going to a business meeting, get here as soon as possible. You have the keys to open the door, do not let any of those two cats get close to Elizabeth"

Jumins voice was low and demanding, a little bit intimidating in your ppinion but you didn't mind-

He swiftly hangs up and looks back at you as he puts his blazer on, adjusting his sleeves and tie.

"I have to get going my love, enjoy your evening with Jaehee ill see you later" He gives you a soft kiss on your forehead and then your lips and with that he was gone.

You ran out and as soon as you left the door, a car stood waiting for you.

Quickly giving the driver the location, you wait patiently to get there, no rush since you werent late.

You got there pretty fast, traffic wasnt bad. As you look up you see Jaehee waiting at a table, coffee in one hand and a menu in the other.

"Hi Jaehee" you say with a smile, and with that you had an evening filled of Jaehee talking about Zen and eating plenty of amazing pastries and drinks.

The 'date' went by smoothly and you left only around a few hours after, it was getting late and Jaehee had to go back home to finish some workload.

You thanked them for the nice evening you had together and then went back into the car which was waiting for you.

The ride back went just as well as the first one, you got home pretty fast but when you got there you were met with a sight that you werent expecting at all.

There sat two cats, around someone.  That someone being Jumin.

He had a cup in hand and an expensive looking laptop right in front of him, both cats laying a head on each of his legs. Sleeping soundly and peacefully. 

He didnt react when he heard the lock of the front door lock, or maybe he just hadnt heard you enter.

You oull out your phone as quickly as possible, not even being able to fathom what was right in front of your eyes.

Is this a dream?

No, no, this is defently not a dream.

As you take a step forward Jumin looks up.

Once he sees you, a soft of nervous smile sets on his face.

"Weren't expecting this were you?"

"No not at all, how the hell did this happen"

"I didnt notice them coming towards me and...all of a sudden they were like this. I wasnt sure what to do so i just, let them"

You'll be honest, it was honestly such a nice view to see three of the people you most love be so close. You felt happy.

You take a few more steps and one of your cat notices that you're getting closer, now meowing at you. You grab him and sit down where he was just resting and isntead put him on your lap.

Now both you and Jumin sat close, one cat on your lap and the other resting on Jumin's leg. Soon enough Elizabeth came in too for some cuddles.

All in all, you looked like a whole family, and you all sat cuddling eachother. One of Jumins arms wrapped around you and you cuddled up to him, phone in hand.

You opened the messenger and quickly sent the photo of Jumin and your cats together before he could demand you to delete it.

Messages started filtering in quickly, many of them beung from the infamous seven o seven.

"What did you send to them.."

[1341 words; feb/11/21]

[bugintheruins]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ty for th ask love 😌🙏🙏

bear in mind none of the details are concrete all of this has just been mush in my head for idk how long and its hard to put it all into word and fit together dhshjsdgfhj so i thing a bit of it is wrong

THE CHARACTER!!

Morel Oakbloom, age unknown even to themself, once halfling turned tiefling suffering with a curse thats slowly turning them to wood!! married to their beloved Tessie, with whom they own a joint business of an inn-bakery tavern thing.

after an incident one night, they have an encounter with what they believe to be Bloom, the goddess of nature in the nearby forest. this goddess, themself and their town worship, and after some chat she offers idk exactly what yet but smth along the lines of power or a wish or a favour or smth, and in return, they will owe the goddess a favour/service or something to that effect. coincidentally, tessie was dealing with some kind of illness at the time so morel agreed and as a result of this entities power, they mutated?? ig?? into a teifling, sprouting a tail horns and painfully over the course of the following weeks, grew over twice their original size.

unbeknownst to them at the time, the deal was made to a malevolent deity, Blight, patron of rot decay and trickery, and sibling to the goddess of nature it was impersonating ;~; SO morel must go workin for blight. with tessie with them, they head for their first “collection” however, they dont get very far into their adventures before shit goes bad. stop number one, a strange circus in the middle of nowhere, controlled by a supernatural force traps them in a hellish gameshow like set, about to incorporate them into its everlasting show, Blight appeares, displeased with morels performance in their work and sets stricter measures for them, tearing their hair, shattering thir horns and committing to staying by their side while theyre serving it. tessie is ripped away from them and sent home, in blights words, “for practicallity”. they serve blight for a time, until they manage to fend it off for long enough that bloom can step in and assist somehow and free them. they return imediately home.

after many years they become a cleric of Bloom and with her assistance, attempts to break out of the deal with blight, as thechnically whatever “contract” they were bound under was never broken. htis lead to themself and tessie being cursed, morel slowly becoming rotted wood, and tessie crystalising. bloom tells them this is curable by a potion, and so the two set out again, this time of their own accord. its around this time that they also unwillingly kind of adopt a small halflling fella by the name of moss (the story’s protagonist) and then shit goes down w him n yeah after a few years he helps out in the bakery and with potion experiments and the like :]

i feel like im forgetting loads but also this is too long already ;-; 

oh yeah also morel dies before the end of the story there wasnt enough of the cure for both themself and tessie, so they leave it to her

ALSO also i didnt mention anything about the root!morels that serve as messengers from blight but yknow thats a whole other post i think

[teashadephoenix]

today on things i wish had been in the actual game instead of just his journal:

dutch's "much guilt-ridden apologising" to arthur about the parley with the o'driscolls

like at the end of peacemakers pearson apologises to arthur and dutch shouts at him "its a bit late for apologies"-- uhhhhh pearson was just the messenger, boss. youre the one who sent arthur in there with no backup, boss.

(which otoh is a great bit of real character work bc obvs dutch is angriest at himself and taking it out on other people)

and again im struck by how profoundly stupid it is not to send someone with arthur bc obvs him being on his own puts him at risk of being outnumbered

(and micah echoing in my ears "you aint even going to be the one in danger" like of course he is fuckstick, youre all in danger when youre dealing with o'driscolls. its easy to see why, even though its confirmed micah didnt betray them until after they got back from guarma, people wonder if he wasnt always trying to bring the gang down. the man is criminally irresponsible and stupid.)

but at the same time i cant help but think if dutch had sent someone with arthur the o'driscolls woulda just killed them since they were after arthur (and obvs the writers wanted arthur on his own-- its a lot less perilous to be wounded and escaping enemies when youve got a companion AI milling around)

its frustrating but its frustrating bc its realistic-- people make mistakes, they do dumb shit that gets people hurt.

[raionmimi]

Doesn't everything you said in the Emer post also apply to Ailill? There was a pretty high amount of subtext that Medb married Ailill because she knew he'd be a doormat, she got all of there kids killed/tried to railroad their lives for the sake of her own bullshit, and the one time Ailill actually had something he could claim to be better at, Medb started a war that killed innumerable amounts of people killed and ended with Ailill losing that one thing.

I’m gonna cry because I accidentally deleted everything I had typed, but no it would not really apply to him. In the myths, Emer and Cú got married like... vaguely normally. It was a matter of Cu just being an asshole and Emer just kinda had to deal with that without knowing that he was gonna be a bastard. Medb put everything out on the table of what she was looking for before getting married or involved with people. She’s deffo a character that needed a sense of control and is morally gray being the antagonist, but she was very outright with what she was doing. I would argue that Ailill, who originally met Medb by challenging her husband at the time to a duel for her hand and won, knew exactly what Medb was looking for in their relationship. And for awhile, it was fine. Medb technically acted as the king calling the shots, and he was taking the more secondary role as the queen, but they were still equals. He ended up not liking that and decided “You know what? I change my mind, actually I have power over you” which was not their agreement. Medb, in turn, goes to look for something to be of EQUAL value to his. 

None of her kids died except for Finnabair, who only died because Cú made her feel guilty that she jumped off a cliff/died on the spot. The Maines aren’t talked about a lot but they lived

Also Medb is always blamed as the sole person for starting the war, and yeah she had a huge role in it. However she’s not the sole person for this domino effect. We have 4 other people who played a role, and all of them are related to Cú in some way. We have 1:Conchobar for the very obvious reason of abusing and assaulting Medb, causing a good amount of the bad blood between Connacht and Ulster from the start

2: Conchobar’s cousin who initially agreed to give Medb the ox, which she only intended on renting for a year. Presumably to breed it, I would think, and then she was going to give it back. That peaceful plan went to shit when the messenger got drunk and said “Medb would take it by force if you had said no.” But like ?????? The cousin had already agreed, but now decided that he wasnt going to. So now, Medb is mad and decides yeah, Im gonna fo take the ox by force for realsies now. Which is surprisingly not actually the weirdest reason for a war to start, even in irl history.

3: Is Cu himself. Medb literally could have ran into Ulster and left with the ox fairly easily with minimal damage done. Why? Becuase literally every man in Ulster was suffering from labor pains thanks to a curse, making it a would-be easy steal. Except Cu, becuase he was 17 or so, so not considered a man. He sees this as a chance for fame as a hero. He immediately kills several men (and some of his own when he went warp spasm becuase he could not differentiate the difference), elongating this whole fiasco to several years, dragging everyone into it. There really wasn’t necessarily a “war” until he showed up. From the perspective, it’s written as Cu being a hero and of course, it would be benevolent towards him but like..... this entire thing could have ended in the span of like a day tops....... not like years.... Course, if she was left to her own devices, she probably would have shimmied her way to get the ox, kill Conchobar, and then go home lmaoooo

 4: Fergus encouraged Medb to invade Ulster becuase “Fuck Conchobar lol” and I commend him for it becuase fuck that guy

Anyways, it ended with her ox and his ox fighting to the death, which made all those years pointless. Also weirdly enough, the ox was actually a man that had been turned into an ox, so fucking RIP lmao. But yeah, something something moral of the story is a lesson against pride and vanity, something literally every major character had and got them killed, but Medb is not the only person that had a fault in this.

[miioouu]

Okay the route goes like this (I might miss something but my brain wants to forget this memory so I don’t blame it.)

So seven (I think) suggested we open up a Rika circus so she can be liked

She was humiliated in the circus and shit

Her abusive parents were there

She was forced to marry the person who molested her as a child (why???)

Everyone in the RFA is gathering together and laughing and having fun, then you black out and see seven congratulating you while explaining what happened to Rika guilt trip style

Also that RFA gathering was a fake scene that’s supposed to make you think you got a good ending, it’s worse than the bad ends honestly

THIS IS AN ACTUAL ENDING

I’m sure I missed something but come on! This is already bad kshdk

Rika was sooooo abused, like, okay, she was an orphan, had mental illness, was bad at school, verbally abused by her parents, maybe even physical, apparently got molested as a child or something, some kid at the orphan told her to start the cult and got hit in the head with a beer bottle.

And what? Did she get hit by a bus while walking to Walmart too???

This is too much man, do you understand why people were furious with V’s after ending? Even people who didn’t even GET the judge ending was furious with how hard they tried to redeem Rika, V WASNT EVEN THERE HALF OF HIS AFTER ENDING-

Also Rika’s behind story was basically explaining how Rika’s life was so hard and she was so abused and this girl in the orphanage was the one who told her the idea so it’s not Rika’s fault ok

It is Rika’s fault, you’re really good at making round characters Cheritz, but redemption arcs... you’re horrible. That girl in the orphanages character only existed to take the blame from Rika. She has no other personality.

Also I really don’t mind the people who go like “it’s okay you don’t have to forgive me uwu” because IM that person shfjkd, I really do mean it that they don’t have to forgive me because if I do something I know they shouldn’t, so like I kinda know how he feels, but he just has really bad judging abilities, dude, stop putting all the burden on yourself and share it with the others, you’re breaking this group apart more by saying nothing, so please just let go and tell them the truth.

-🐱nonny who is very pissed at this after ending

A RIKA CIRCUS?! WHAT WAS GOING IN UN HIS HEAD SEVEN EIWNSIWNW

Hmm, i hate how cheritz described Rika. Described isn't the right word. But i hate how they thought that giving her all these problems is like an excuse to why she's acting that way. A lot of ppl who went through similar things, never end up like rika... Rika has a severe mental illness, i feel. It could be cause by all of those things that happened to her, but those aren't the prime reason yk? I don't know a lot about psychology, but this whole deal doesn't make any sense.

If they wanted to focus on rika so much,,, why didn't they give her a route on her own. People chose V, bc they want to be with him, they don't care about Rika and her shenanigans.

I dont mind people like that. But some of them (that could just be my personal experience) when they say things like that, it comes out as manipulative and they guilt trip you into staying with them, around them, even tho that's a very toxic environment. I think it all depends on the person and their intentions. I think they just wrote V weirdly a bit. Also, am i the only one who feels like the og mystic messenger routes are the best. Like i like V and saeran's route (well what ive seen of them) they give quite a good background for the characters and go deeply into the story. But something about the way it's written, and them as characters is a bit off. Idk.

[dcomposing]

jumin route rewrite???

ive had.... Issues with jumin's route since the first time i played it and im waiting out a 3 hour layover which means its time to self indulgently fix all of those problems right now in excruciating detail

for the record, i dont mean any disrespect towards cheritz -- i love mysme dearly and this is purely a self indulgent experiment to see what my ideal jumin route would have been! if you like his route as is thats totally fine! it just wasnt for me lmao

this was super fun to write and if this picks up i might do another route rewrite (and i might do it even if it doesnt because it was just that fun lol)

anyways this is REALLY long (literally its like 3k words all in outline form) so its gonna go under the cut lol

okay so: issues i had with jumin’s route that i want to address:

it moves WAY too fast — i mean all of the routes do to a certain degree; they’re only 11 days long but like... you’re literally engaged to him by the end of it which iirc, is something that is only replicated in seven’s normal ending (and even then i think its only implied?) and i get that the point is that jumin goes all out for the people he loves and is VERY certain that he loves you but it just feels... way too soon for my liking ESPECIALLY because you’re his first love! it just makes it feel like he’s caught up in the rush of being in love for the first time and isn’t thinking things through which... isn’t exactly the making of a great relationship lol. so for this re- write we’re gonna slow it WAY down because... oof. 

the sarah and glam plot line happening concurrently with the mint eye/possessive jumin one makes the route feel overly busy. i actually have a similar issue with the echo girl/mint eye overlap in zen’s route but that’s a topic for another day lol. so i’m gonna try to delineate between the two a bit more so there’s less overlap.

SPEAKING OF possessive jumin lol... maybe its just my Personal Background bleeding in, but possessiveness is a really big red flag/trigger for me and i felt like it went WAY too far in his route. dgmw, i understand that its meant to be a character flaw and something he’s meant to overcome but i just feel like there are simpler ways to show that side of him without it becoming... as scary as it got. i wasn’t sure how to deal with it though -- i think it would best be expressed through smaller actions and the minutia of dialogue with the others (e.g. jumin refusing to send a photo of you into the chat room when zen asks if you’re alright, locking up elizabeth, etc.)

the canon first kiss with jumin happening both without your explicit consent AND just to drive sarah away is.... icky to me. especially because he MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH SARAH while kissing you??? i hate that cg lol. it just takes what should be a moment about the two of you and turns it into him using you to prove a point and i don’t like it at all. it’s not romantic and it feels... out of character for jumin to use someone he cares about like that. i have similar issues with the proposal happening right after he exposes glam and sarah. so lets make the kiss more genuine and nix the proposal entirely because it happens too quickly for comfort anyways.

with all of that in mind, i decided a fake dating plot would probably work best (and like i said, this is self indulgent and i’m a SUCKER for fake dating stories sooooo). it makes sure we hit all the beats of the glam/sarah plot line without shoving him and the mc into a relationship too quickly. it also means we can keep their first kiss as a big “fuck you” to sarah, but this time mc gets to be 100% in on the joke AND they get to have a “real” first kiss later on! that’s two (2!) kisses for the price of one folks.

i also decided that in order to streamline the plot a bit, the glam and sarah plot should end earlier, allowing for the mint eye plot to take center stage instead of being shoehorned in around a larger love triangle plot line. also glam and sarah are annoying and i don’t want to deal with them for six full days. the only downside is we don’t get to see v dunk on sarah at the party :-(

in lieu of a proposal for the necessary Big Romantic Gesture at the party, i thought it would be nice if jumin whisked you away from the party to paris or somewhere far away for a ridiculously extravagant first date literally in the middle of the party. not only is it ridiculously grandiose in and of itself, but in abandoning the party halfway through, it shows that jumin has grown into a more relaxed and spontaneous person through knowing you! he’s ready to throw caution to the wind and have fun with you (plus, Big Romantic Date cg!!)

day 5:

VN mode where we essentially get the exact same scene of chairman han telling jumin he wants him to marry sarah to make the merger with sugar round go more smoothly BUT this time jumin blurts out that he’s already with someone and that he didn’t want to go public with it yet. he assumes his father won’t press further, given that they’ve always had a mutual respect for one another’s privacy, but at glam’s insistence, chairman han says he wants to meet jumin’s partner. oh no!

jumin laments his situation to the rfa, resulting in pretty typical responses. zen laughs, yoosung is sympathetic but also kind of wishes it were just that simple for him to meet a wife. jaehee is worried that the inevitable fallout of this will result in more work for her. everything is business as usual until seven is like “ur so rich why don’t you just pay someone to pretend to date you lolol” and jumin (being, well, jumin) runs with it 100%. because they don’t have time to vet candidates (they’re supposed to have dinner with his dad tomorrow night!) he decides it should be someone he knows, but the majority of the other rfa members are already acquainted with his father via rfa events, making it more likely that he sees through the ruse. mc, however, has never met him, making them the perfect candidate! who would have thought lol

so they decide to move you into the penthouse that evening BUT before that can happen, they have to clear it with v because bomb, hacker, mint eye, etc. (yes this is how i’m choosing to do the bomb reveal lol). bonus, v gets to chide jumin about his dumb lie and we get a fun bff conversation with them!

final VN where you show up to the penthouse and you and jumin establish the parameters of your “relationship”. you decide that you’ll both sleep in his bed, just in case a cleaning staff member walks in and notices that he and his partner sleep separately and it ruins everything. establish what physical contact is and isn’t cool, etc, etc. you also decide that when the time comes, you’re going to tell his dad that the entire debacle with sarah put so much strain on your relationship that you had to break up. the hope being that chairman han will feel so bad about ruining things for jumin that he won’t try to force him into something like that ever again.

days 6-8:

you have dinner with his dad and answer pretty typical “meeting the parrents” questions. he asks what you guys did for your first date and jumin tells a 100% fake story about taking you to dinner on top of the eiffel tower and kissing you beneath the stars and the chairman is satisfied. that doesn’t mean that glam and sarah are though. they decide to do some sleuthing to prove that you guys aren’t really dating.

this is the fun part where we get to hit most of the beats of ur typical fake dating story! you and jumin get to know each other really well, albeit kind of superficially (favorite foods, fun childhood stories, etc. etc. nothing too heavy yet.) you guys cook together for the first time, cue cg of jumin with like... idk tomato sauce on his cheek or something. you watch a movie together and elizabeth falls asleep on your lap and jumin dies on spot idk

this is also where your first kiss happens, and pretty much in the same way except its much more mutual and he doesn’t look at sarah this time because his focus is on trying to make it look like he doesn’t even care that she’s there because you’re the only thing he cares about. (which.... isn’t actually hard for him to do at all)

chatrooms are pretty typical for this timeframe — you guys all know the drill. the other members are like “wow they seem really close” and speculate on whether or not you guys are actually together. zen is worried that jumin is going to force himself on you (wolves, etc.). yoosung is jealous that jumin gets to hang out with you. jaehee is upset that jumin is neglecting his work.

VAGUE mentions of weird activity on the messenger, but nothing too serious sounding. just enough to make jumin nervous -- esp with sarah and glam on his back still. this is when he locks elizabeth up. 

 day 8, the chairman learns that sugar round is worthless and that glam and sarah have been duping him the whole time. they’re disgraced and are never heard from again so... problem solved but this also means that you and jumin no longer have a reason to stay “together”... and you’re both kind of falling for each other so obviously that’s no good. you spend one last night in the penthouse before resolving to break things off officially in the morning. the other members talk about how sad you guys both seem to be parting.

BAD STORY END 1:

if you shy away at the fake intimate gestures (hand holding, hugging, etc), and pointedly answer incorrectly when asked a question about jumin that you should know the answer to, your ruse fails and you guys are caught faking the relationship. to avoid the scandal breaking to the press, jumin winds up marrying sarah anyways.

the branch point for this one would be right before the kiss scene, if you’re on track for the good end then the kiss happens, if not, you’re forced to shove him away when he goes in for it, revealing to sarah that you guys are frauds.

the cg would be him and sarah at the press release for their engagement announcement. sarah’s all smiles and jumin is... pretty understandably miserable looking. a reporter asks him about the other person he was in a relationship with prior to his engagement to sarah, and he reads off a line about how sarah captivated him like no one else ever could in an emotionless voice.

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 1:

if you do fine during the VN portions, but aren’t active enough in the chats, then the fake relationship plan works, but afterwards its just... really awkward. once the whole mint eye thing ends you’re pretty much just excommunicated from the rfa since you... didn’t really seem to like them all that much.

day 9:

a huge attack on the messenger happens, coupled with explicit threats directed at mc, sending everyone into such a panic that ending your fake relationship is the last thing on anyones mind. jumin is so fucking scared that he’s going to lose you, and muses in the chatroom about why he’s more scared for your safety than he would be if it were, say, yoosung being threatened (cue yoosung’s crying emoji lmao). everyone else is like “well clearly its because you’re in love with them”

anyways. they decide its for the best if you continue to stay at the penthouse and in spite of everything, you’re both... kind of relieved lol. 

everything is all fine and dandy until elizabeth III runs away, ramping jumins anxiety up to 11 like... right away

this is where we really start to see behavior more along the lines of what happens in his route, you suggest the two of you leave and search for elizabeth, and he refuses to let you go, etc. etc. 

it sort of turns into a fight, but it all works out in the end. he tells you about rika and elizabeth and why she means so much to him, and you guys talk about how fear of losing someone important to him can’t rule his life, and that its one thing to be careful, but another entirely to try to control someone else’s behavior because of fear. 

you convince him to get some sleep, assuring him that elizabeth will turn up soon and that he’s going to be alright. you guys fall asleep next to eachother without even thinking about it. its not until jumin mentions something about waking up next to you in the chat the next day that the rest of the gang is like “uhhhh,,,, why are you guys still sharing a bed”

MEANWHILE lol seven and yoosung arrive at mint eye and find elizabeth, just like what happens in canon. they decide to bring her back tomorrow.

BAD STORY END 2:

obligatory mint eye ending. if you’re too aggressive and forward with jumin and don’t give him time to properly process his feelings, he doesn’t offer to let you stay at the penthouse, relying on seven’s assurance that the apartment is totally secure (it’s not). saeran breaks in and takes you away.

this branch happens pretty early in the day, before elizabeth escapes.

i thought about a cg for this one but tbh... there are so many saeran and mc at mint eye BE cgs that idk what i could come up with that wouldn’t be super derivative lol

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 2:

again, because you’re only talking to jumin and not the rest of the rfa, he assumes that you don’t like being in the rfa very much BUT he still likes you... a lot and is very worried about your safety re: hacker, AND because he still hasn’t really dealt with his issues regarding v/rika/emotions, you guys decide to just straight up leave lol. you move to a different country where he can pretty much continue doing his work remotely while keeping you safe.

the cg for this one is the two of you in a different cushy apartment somewhere. you’re making dinner while he works. its... stable, but noticeably stiff. neither of you are talking much and his dialogue is pretty stilted. its pretty clear that he regrets abandoning his friends and is unhappy.

day 10:

3AM chat with zen where he speaks entirely in thinly veiled hypotheticals about you guys. (“well, if i thought i could have a shot with someone i really loved, i think i would take that chance and tell them, even if i might get shot down. and even if that person was a huge ass who my sexy white-haired best friend hated. i would tell them how i felt”)

seven secures the messenger again and the threat is declared neutralized! you’re safe to go home but neither you nor jumin want that at all.

yoosung brings elizabeth back around 9, and it proceeds pretty similarly to what happens in his route: he’s wary about taking her back because he feels that he’s mistreated her, you’re like “whoa buddy you’re going too far in the opposite direction here” and you and v have to convince hm that its going to be okay. the only real difference is that v doesnt also have to convince him to let you go. he just says something about how the two of you seem to bring out the best in each other, and that jumin is brighter when you’re around. 

later, jumin (tries) to make you lunch using the cooking skills you taught him a few days ago as a final payment (since you refused actual money) for all of your help, both with his father and with elizabeth, but he winds up ordering in instead. its very cute BUT its super awkward because neither of you has said anything about not wanting to leave.

finally you have to face the music and pack your bags. you hug jumin goodbye and make him promise to still get lunch with you sometime before heading back to rika’s apartment sadly.

everyone is like “yo what the fuck???” and its actually yoosung of all people who is finally like “this is ridiculous. you two clearly have feelings for each other and you need to deal with it” 

jumin is absent from most of the chatrooms for the rest of the day  though, so he doesn’t really see anything until he forces himself to log on later that night and is like “oh”

and YES of course this is going to culminate in a typical romcom scene where he has driver kim race to the apartment so he can pound on the door and apologize to you and tell you how he feels!! maybe it even happens in the rain just to maximize romance. the important thing here is that you finally kiss him for real this time and its perfect.

BAD STORY END 3:

pretty much jumin’s BE2, if you werent assertive enough with him re: his possession/control issues on day 9, he never gets over them. when elizabeth is returned he locks her back up and insists that you continue to stay with him as well, canon BE2 ensues.

i gotta hand it to cheritz. its a really good bad ending and theres not much i wanna change about it. its so scary in a calm sort of way, which i think is the perfect vibe for a dangerously unhealthy jumin. if only people would stop fetishizing it lolol

party (GE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first

date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he then decides that the two of you have been there long enough to fulfill your obligations, and that no one could really begrudge you if you “took off” a little early. you guys fly to paris that night and have that dinner on top of the eiffel tower.

the ending cg isn’t a kiss one, but a more simple, sweet one of the two of you in a dimly lit restaurant, jumin listening to you talk with the most tender, loving look in his eyes.

party (NE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he laments the fact that if he was caught shirking responsibilities to take you on a real date, the press would have a field day with it, but promises to make it up to you, and take you out on a proper one tomorrow.

this cg is the two of you dancing at the rfa party, jumin resting his chin on the top of your head and daydreaming out loud about everything the two of you could do on your real first date.

[yeetisfee-blog]

Confessions

"And thats another win for Peach Creek!" Shouts blared from the bleachers, leaving Edd to try and muffle the sound of the shrieks that followed.

Why he decided to come to the game? He didnt know, maybe it was the pleading look he had given him, the wide eyes that practically begged for him. Or maybe it was how cute he looked, dropping down to his knees, clapsing his hands together. He was known to be a bit over dramatic, but Edd didnt mind.

Edd watched as many of the teammates picked up the lucky number one, Kevin if you must know the name. And despite how close theyve gotten after the fiasco with Eddys brother, not even he could hold Edds affection.

Soon after the win, many left the bleachers. Though Edd waited. Hed rather not dirty his clothes with spilt drinks and nacho cheese that were bound to happen if he bumped into the wrong person.

So he sat, waiting, watching as the football players left the field.

His eye caught to number fourteen, ans he couldnt tear his eyes away. The boy complained to his teammates about helmet hair and butts, although that was to be expected after a game (though you should really expect it ever minute of every day if you knew him).

Edd couldnt help but laugh at every joke. Though they may be crude, they were still the funniest thing he could ever hear. They were even funnier coming from the boy of his attraction; number fourteen.

Deeming that it was safe to exit the stands, he grabbed the messenger bag he had and made sure to watch carefully where he stepped. Oh these poor custodians, having to deal with such recklessness from the students around his age.

Once he made it down safely, Edd made a mental reminder to show some appreciation for the custodians come Monday before bumping into someone; ruining the train of thought that never seemed to stop.

The smell of sweat only made Edd assume it was his friend, Ed, but he distinctly remebered that Sarah had told him to do her chores. Eddy wouldve shown, but he was grounded from the bad grades hes recieved.

Looking up, bright teal hair filles his vision. A dangly gold earing shone in the bright fluorescent lights around the field and a shining white smile to complete the most gorgeous person hed ever seen.

"Whaddup Double Delish, fancy seeing you here."

Edd noticed almost everyone had gone, but that didnt stop a bright blush and a fidgit in place.

"You are the one that invited me Nathan, practically begging on your knees."

"Well i needed my good luck charm, and with you here, we got ourselves a winner." Nat winked, fiddling with the hair on his head.

"Damn helmet ruining my beautiful hair." "Language, Nathan." "Yeah yeah, okay sweet cheeks." Edds blush faded until those words were spoken. He rubbed his neck, trying his hardest to keep his gaze away only to find himself attracted towards the grin that always stayed on his face.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, noticing ever detail that they seemed to have missed.

"Hey, uh-y'know what? Hold up, ill be right back, or just-fuck hold on." Nat ran away before Edd could process what happened. Nat never really stutters, so this mustve effected him greatly.

The wait wasnt super long, but Edd would be lying if he said he hadnt thought about just walking home. Nat soon came back out, a grin on his face as he waved. He had his things with him, face clean from the war paint the football players wore. His hair was fixed and his clothes he wore were back on.

"I didnt really have much time to shower, considering i had you wait, but uh, if you want we- uh we could- fucking hell." Nat ran a hand over his face, before grabbing Edds hand in his and bringing him to the parking lot. "Nathan are you alright?"

They stopped infront of Nats car, but Nat didnt remove his hands as Edd thought he would. Instead, the green haired football player brought him into a hug. It was light, giving Edd a chance to remove himself if he wished.

Despite the sweat and smell of dirt, Edd happily accepted. (Besides hes been hugged by worse; all fingers pointing towards Ed. God that boy needed a shower.)

They relaxed in eachothers arms, and Edd wondered if Nat could hear his fast heartrate by how quiet the air around them was.

And Nat on ther other hand was freaking out. His heart was beating miles a minute and his breathing was short and quick. God this boy was going to be the death of him.

Nat reluctantly pulled away from the sweet scent that Edd always carried, urging himself to just get those three fucking words out. Say it and face rejection, or say it and have that sweet ass all to himself.

Now or never, he supposed.

"Hey Double Delight, can i-y'know, tell yah something?"

"Why of course Nathan!" Nat took a breath, face flushing red as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I kinda, y'know- like you, Edd. I have been for a while. You caught my eye and even though this isnt the main reason why i like you, that ass is begging for me to protect. But all in all, youre so sweet and caring and your love for learning is wild, i mean how could anyone ever gather so much information and retain it?" Nat stopped himself before laughing quietly.

"You know you have an effect on me when i say 'retain'."

Nat peaked one eye open, his hope dropping. He sighed, letting go of the soft hands he loved. "I-im sorry. Ill give you a ride home so you dont have to walk, if you want."

Edd was shocked. He didnt know how to respond. He let himself in the passenger side, buckling in and sitting there. Its not everyday your crush returns your affections, and yet Edd sat there not doing a thing.

Nat pulled out the parking lot, ignoring the feeling of sickness in his belly. Hes been rejected plenty of times, but nwver has he gotten so deep and never has it hurt like this.

"Pull over." Nat jumped. "What?" "Pull over, Nathan."

Now that was scary. Nat pulled over, letting the car run just in case. They sat in the darkness, a nervous glance every once in a while before Edd spoke.

"My apologies, for responding to you so late. Its not every day someone i have affections for returns them, you know?"

Nats gaze fixated on the boy next to him. "Wait, hold up-really?" There was that gorgeous gapped tooth smile. "Yes, Nathan. I like you too." A breath of relief flooded Nats veins. To say he was happy was mostly a lie. He was ecstatic. The feeling in his belly went away as he gave a hug from across the seats. It was awkward, but it was good.

"So, would you like to 'hang out' tonight?" Nat laughed, leaning back into the drivers seat. He took one glance at the smile he loved, and his heart swelled.

"Most definately Double Daddy."

[lostinruans]

Those Two Days

Ok. So I’m quite hesitant to post. Because I generally know who is reading and watching (although I dont know when or how or why they read). And this gets me angsty and insecure. Like it’s a safe space for me to post, but I get afraid to share some things. Or everything. Or don’t know how to prevent things from possibly being misinterpreted or misread (which most things prob are or will be because I’m wild and inconsisten with my feelings) but here goes Lolol.

(Actuat post starts here):

Ok. So: yeah. Lolol. Ooo awk start.

Ok. So we haven’t met in a while. A part was that we’re both busy and our schedules don’t seem to align or at first glance they don’t. We’ve just been Coexisting, but more like existing on separate lines and planes and then sometimes meeting because of preexistent measures and events etc. Another part is that I’m not watching your child. This was partly willing and partly unwilling, but opened an opportunity to work Tuesday’s because Monday’s are trash, literally. They’d make me take out and clean the trash and trash cans and it’s not as fun or easy as it sounds- even with a power washer. But it was also unwilling since I’m mostly okay with watching your child and it gives me a break from regular life and work. But whatever. I’m angsty.

Anyways Lolol. So you asked to meet. And I literally was like “uhhhhh.” Because i didn’t know what to say, but also didn’t know what it’d say if we met ?75 also because I wasnt ready, but also because it has been a long long while. And I’ve been told before, many times, to not hide or run from others, especially you. But I think it’s just hard when you have so much emotionally processing, but when you try to explain or bring it to others, it’s harder to put into words. It’s also hard to talk to someone about faith when you’ve been feeling like dry, dead, or rotting fruit, or that you say you feel nothing From God but you aren’t really “trying.” But even when you try, there’s not much of anything at all. like there have been prayers repeated weekly. Prayers spoken and whispered until I cried. And I’ve just been this stump in the ground, not knowing if I’m living or dead; growing or rotting.

But anyways Lolol. That’s not the point of this post. The point is that, the day you asked, I said we would talk about It later. But that was an excuse. I just wanted to delay what was mostly inevitable. I wanted to meet, but i was anxious and scared and uncertain. (But honestly, how pathetic is it that after like 4 years I’m still running and hiding). But later that night, a bunch of people came to fellowship so we didn’t even have time to touch base. And the car ride was... ehhhhhh. It was me wearing an emotional paper bag on my head. Buttttt yeah. Back to the stuff. So that was Friday. And Saturday and Sunday was mostly me doing stuff related to school and work, but also me dealing with the bits of the “issue” still picking at the sides of my heart. And I think I wasnt sure how or when to ask, but also I’m just super awkward in general which made it all the more difficult.

And so, I kinda sorta or whatever stirred up “courage” to passively ask about meeting up. Through messenger (LOLOLOLOL I’m so weak and sad). And no reply. Ok that’s cool. You’ve got your own fam and work and stuff. And then you read it. And I saw that you read it. And I was like, ok he’s prob chillen with his fam or eating dinner. That’s cool. I’ll wait. But no reply. So I’m just thinking about the read message. And l here is where the fall begins.

In total, it was at most two days later (Sunday night, vs Tuesday something) where I didnt have guts to “bump” the post, to which you said you didn’t have your schedule sorted out. And in my mind i was thinking “oh cool” but also “bruh” but also “why didn’t you say that earlier instead of letting me over think and dramaticize these false scenarios in my wicked head.��� Haha. So dramatic. But no, like. Everything that could’ve gone or went work, went on in my head during those two days you left me blank.

One of the first things I thought was simply that you were busy. But no, busy wasn’t enough. To me, busy means you’ve got other places to go, other people to talk with, other things that you need to tend to. And you’ve got a kid and another one on the way. But Busy people make me feel like shit. Hahaha. Not that it’s bad to be busy, but it just shoves the idea back up my mind that I’m not worthy right now. That my meeting or my issues are not of high value because of everything else in life. And I feel bad because I feel incredibly selfish and needy. And I stop. I avoid it because I dont want to be a burden, when each has their own load of burdens to carry already. And like. Yikes. Yeah.

And the second thing I thought of was another stem from the root of selfishness, which was Why did I swerve. Like, why didn’t I just say “sure I’d love to meet” or “of course. It’s been a while,” but instead I was so dumb and weird and awkward and just replied “uhhhhhh// let’s talk about it later.” And like, my excuse would’ve been that I was at work, but the reality of it is that I didnt know if i wanted to meet. Which is selfish in that a meeting includes more than one person or party, and by, in a sense, denying the desire to meet, I also deny the other party’s request and desire to meet. And that’s rude lol. But from this, I despised myself even further for being so self absorbed in thinking that this meeting was for me or was based on my need and want.

And another thing I thought was about all the past mentors I’ve had before, which was “oh no. I did it again. I pushed away yet another person. Another person who just cared and I didnt try to care or love as much. Or I cared too much and hurt both of us.” Like I felt that I am too difficult to love and care for. I imagined patience must’ve gone dry, or consideration had gone stale. That I’m so emotionally and socially draining, depressing, fruitless and hopeless that maybe even you, the one of the most graceful people I know, that you, one of the most spoiling and over considerate and kind people i know, had finally given up on me. That you, too, see that the crops you’ve been given watching so carefully and intently had yet to provide fruit. That after four years, the fruit i had produced were rotten and wicked and cursed or had only lasted an hour, if lucky perhaps a day or two.

And so I hate myself for this, but I also, deep in the back of my head, wonder why you didn’t just save me from all this and say you didn’t have your schedule sorted out on Sunday. Or instead of leaving my publicly known crazy, wicked mind on a two and beyond day trip, that you just say “lemme get back to you. Like anything. Something.

A word, a phrase. Something to tell me I’m not being ignored or brushed under the rug. Like yeah. You’re busy. But a word tho lol. Or something. Or a “hey sorry brb” lol. Something to tell me I’m not trash or somewhat of worth. Like yikes.

Those days, those two single sad ass days. I’m so tired from thinking like this and from processing from rotting piles of most likely false situations that I cant even stay awake for work.

I’m such a sad person. Why am I like this.

Yay. Feels so good to feel bad.

Lol. I don’t even know the purpose of this post anymore haha. Nice. Just like me and my life, I dont know the purpose either. And that’s such a good feeling. Thanks, God. You’re so good at helping me grow. ☺️

[beautyindisguise00]

Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others?

Thursday October 1 2020 @2:53pm

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? last weekend. my boyfriend

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? my grandma. i’d ask her how she felt about how things are going with the big three family now

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? my grandma

4. How would you describe your current mood? calm and relaxed

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? crying myself to sleep last night. ugh, im so sensitive sometimes.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? i dont remember. haha

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? still have my v-card,but the bed. haha

8. What is your earliest memory? getting lost at a sports tournament. haha

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? i drink by myself, but not to get drunk

10. What type of a drunk are you? very chatty and giddy

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? there’s a lot.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? last weekend to a guy friend, Luke last weekend to my boyfriend a few weeks ago to my best friend, Angela all where of different feelings, but thankfully they were all very accepting

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? visiting a friend who was in a motorcycle accident

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? i haven’t been through a bad breakup and i hope i wont ever, but if i ever do. i’d probably cry myself to sleep each night and go through the motions through the day. i’d stay off social media until i’m ready to show my ex what he’s lost

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? i’ve never done drugs

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? forgetting to log out of my facebook messenger on my mom’s phone....

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? someone’s who’s kind. goes out of their way to help others. and many more. i can be a good person, but im not always

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? enjoy life. be kind to others. bring glory to God

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? animals should be treated with care and kindness. 

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? my boyfriend and i were out with his family

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? not love myself like i should be. form options about me without getting to know me

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? depends on who you are

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? we just grew apart. neither one of us put effort in the friendship anymore

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? not anymore, i’ve learned and moved on

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? i havent been yelled at in a while.

26. Where did your last injury come from? no major injuries lately. the last one i can recall was when one of my kiddos rammed into my toes and my toe nail chipped off

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? uhhhh, neck kisses, dirty talk, nip play. hahahaha

28. What are you like during arguments? stubborn. haha. and i try to be right all the time. 

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? they’re a b

30. Where do you like to be kissed? lips and neck

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? the first one

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? i was tired, sleep deprived, had a migraine from drinking too much. so i got upset at my boyfriend, but at least i knew not to say anything i’d regret to him.  we talked about it the day after and we’re all good now.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? if i wasnt already with my mom, then my mom. i’d tell her i love her and everyone else. i would want to hear her voice before i go.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? i’d tell those who are important to me first and spend as much time as i could with them.at first, i’d be afraid, but i know where i’m going so i’d just miss everyone more than anything

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? i dont see the choices

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? i can’t see my boss saying that to me, but i’d do my best to save that dog

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? well, essentially, they’re the same people so I’d end up getting hurt by both

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? my best friend is my boyfriend. haha

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? yes. I’d do that for my boyfriend so he’d be able to send one more hour with his grandpa

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? yes. haha

41. Does love = sex? not for everyone

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? honestly no. I also have financial things to take care of my own. I would very horrible, but i just can’t

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? just shared my intimacy life with a guy friend on a long road trip. nothing too bad, but i dont really talk about stuff that personal to me. haha

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? that i didn’t love them back or more so the feeling was not mutual 

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? my love for people. you can’t tell me to stop loving someone

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? my kiddos at work

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? honestly, i cant think of anything. not saying this last month was perfect, but it wasnt too bad

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? uhh, a wwe fighter. haha jk probably my boyfriend

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? yes. i’d always to try save a life

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? neither one of my grandmas are here 

51. Are you old fashioned? in some ways

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? work. haha

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? how it is true love when there’s a broken heart?

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? being able to travel anywhere and anytime

55. What was the last thing you ate? a chocolate chip muffin

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? guys who are kind to others, athletic, and hott. haha. honest truth

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? they drunk way to much and got on my nerves

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex at a time? vcard stil here but when my boyfriend comes to visit, we get intimate about 2-3 time a day. hahahaha morning, mid day, and night. lol

59. What reality shows do you watch? not much. sometimes KUWTK here and there 60. Post a video of yourself here: no thank you

61. Where do you work? at a daycare

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? no i always check the plates

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? tj maxx

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? teacher. haha

65. What’s your most irrational fear? use to be dolls. ahaha

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? i have about five saved on my car, but i dont really listen to the radio often. i usually just listen to my own music

67. What kind of music do they have? today’s top hits and Christian

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? hawaii!!

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? depends some yes some i’d pass

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? i dont have any planned right now

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? the meeting we had

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? nah, depends on the person but a quick hug is okay if we’re not that close, but if we are then sure, hug on!

[saintkimora]

well i finally found time to type this all up so! here is the story of how last last friday and saturday night went (not the ones from this weekend but the weekend before so like a week and a half ago). it isnt really a nice story but it is significant. first part is tristan then joel then tristan again, the tristan parts are good but the joel part is pretty bad. this is only part 1 btw! sorry @ that one anon a few days ago bc this might make you even more mad lmao

first part: tristan! so on friday i was in the library holding an online eboard meeting for gsa and tristan (the first guy i talked to for a while then hooked up with like 2 years ago and last christmas eve) was apparently studying in nexus which is the building next door to the library. and he sent me a snap (it was clearly the type you send to a lot of people it wasnt like an individual one) of him captioned i hate studying so i sent him one saying i hate planning events bc thats what i was doing. so we snapped back and forth for a while and then the library closed so i was leaving and he was like “come say hi to me in nexus” so i was like ok! 

so i went and sat across the table from him and we talked for like an hour and a half and it was so nice! hes v good to talk to but our conversation dynamic was kinda similar to me and joel’s dynamic so that was interesting. he called me my voice cute at the beginning bc i was like “sorry if i sound weird im a little congested today” and he was like “no you sound like you always do, its cute” so i was like hm so then we talked and caught up and it was very good conversation! then at one point after asking how i was in general he was like “so how are you doing....romantically” and i told him how i was with someone rn but i was kinda having some issues and he was like oh ok and i asked him and he said hes looking but its hard bc people keep ghosting him so i was like aw :/ (but on the inside i was like well thats what you get for ghosting me all those years ago lmao) 

also at one point i told him i go to the gym now so i have a little bit of muscle and he was like “yeah haha sure” and i was NOT about to take that so i was like “i can show you right now if you want” (i was wearing a tank and a zip up hoodie) so i took off one hoodie sleeve revealing my arm and i flexed and he was shook he was like “oh wow you werent kidding, thats actual progress” and i was like ha

after an hour and a half he had to go meet his friends or something so i went home. overall it was super nice! i loved talking to him so later that night i just sent him a nice text thanking him for spending time w me and saying how much i enjoyed it and then he thanked me for keeping him company and said he really enjoyed catching up so that was nice! then later that night things took a turn for the worst.....

so at this point it was friday night and joel and i were texting as usual, we were having a nice convo and were making jokes and what not. then after i asked about his day he texted me this “its fine but i just got another fucking email from slut A and im over it” and i was like “slut A......” and he was like “fucking tinamarie” (the girl who always causes trouble for his theatre club that gets him really pissed off even though it really isnt that serious) and i was like “yeah i figured but did you really need to call her that” and he was like “if youre literally gonna criticize every single word i say then im just gonna stop talking” so then i apologized like 3 times but he left me on read and didnt talk to me for the rest of the night

so! the second i read that final text i had like......a panic attack? or something? idk but it was a mess i got soooooooo cold instantly like i put on sweats socks a hoodie and 2 blankets and i was still trembling and my teeth were chattering so hard i couldnt even talk bc it just came out as gibberish and my toes were numb and my heart was beating fast and you know all that good stuff. i texted several hunties but none of them answered so i decided to text tristan! he was v nice and he comforted me and talked me through it which i appreciated. but like getting that text reminded me so much of the texts i would get from caleb so it just made all those feelings come rushing back and it was v overwhelming but i wasnt about to call joel about it bc he was already mad at me and i was scared i was gonna make it worse

about an hour later i sent him a long text saying how sorry i was bc he wanted to vent to me and i shut him down when i shouldve just taken his side and stuff bc i wanted to try to fix the situation. half of it was lies though like i was not sorry for what i did at all bc he should not be calling this tinamarie girl that! he didnt read that text until the next morning but even after he didnt respond. he was def still awake when i sent it though bc i saw him active on fb messenger slightly afterwards. anyways the next day tristan texted me again to check on me and see if i heard from joel which i hadnt by that point but i really appreciated that he went through the effort of doing that! joel and i had plans to go to the mall that day so i texted him around 4pm (this is saturday now) saying i hope his auditions went well and asking if he wouldve still liked to go to the mall w me. he said he wasnt feeling up for it bc hes tired and i was like not up for the mall or not up for me and he was like just the mall, you can come over instead. so i went over and brought him popeyes bc he was hungry and we hung out and watched dragula and talked and it was like a completely normal day so i was a little surprised he didnt bring up the events of last night. so like 3 eps into dragula s1 i asked him if he could pause it so we could talk so he did and this is where things got worse

so i was like “so....how are you feeling about what happened last night?” and he was like “well it was fucking annoying because i wanted to vent to you and you tried to school me, im already socially conscious, i know its wrong but it was the first thing that came to mind at the time” and i was like “well if you are mad at a woman and your first instinct is to call her that then that might be a problem” and he was like “can i be a fucking human?” like ???????????????? the STUPIDEST excuse like that makes no sense! you can be human without saying misogynistic things like.....annoying. he just had soooo many excuses he was like “oh its ok bc i would never actually say that to her face” like...ok great to know that being socially conscious is just a performative thing for you! if you only do it in public but are still problematic in private then like...whats the point

he was also like “it may seem like a small issue that isnt important to you but her emails are actually a huge problem. YOU wouldnt know since your organization isnt as involved, but her actions affect every area of the organization so its stressful to deal with her” like heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeee we go again idk why he always tries to drag my gsa for no reason. i didnt even say he couldnt be stressed or angry with her i just said he shouldnt call her what he did! 

so now for when it got personal. so i told him i was like “i know you were mad and wanted to cool off so i wasnt gonna force you to talk to me, but it wouldve been nice if you just sent me a text like ‘oh perry im mad and dont wanna talk rn, i need some space ill talk to you later’ instead of just ignoring me for the rest of the night” and he was like “well i didnt have time i had too much going on with the organization” and i was like “i mean it takes 10 seconds to send a text” and he was like “well i didnt want to” OH so now the truth comes out! and then he was like “i was already stressed out with the email so then its like ‘oh now i have to deal with perry too’” and like..............that was really hurtful bc literally the main reason i rarely ever bring up any issues i have to him is bc hes already so stressed with everything else and i want to be a source of happiness in his life not another source of stress so im afraid to bring things up bc i dont want to add to his stress and be another thing that he has to “deal with” so like, he literally vocalized the exact reason im afraid to talk to him about these things so its just confirmed my suspicions and now i feel even worse about bringing up any issues i have with him 

i didnt tell him about the panic attack yet but i did say “well i mean im sure you can tell i was upset, since i sent you a long ass apology text an hour after the convo ended. and if it was the other way around and i knew you were upset about something i said i wouldve dropped everything and called you right away to fix the issue” and he said.............. “well im not gonna prioritize you” like.... !!!!!!!!!!!!! ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great! we already knew i was at the bottom of his priority list but at least now he basically admitted it :/ i was just like well ok

that is the end of part 1 bc im splitting up this post lol

[haeroniel-doliet]

A boy I like

Theres this boy i like. In short and easy; hes pretty, hes funny and hes convenient. But.

For the first time in 20 years i have a real crush, a really really real one that my heart hurts a little. I realised this about half a year ago. I knew him before hand as a casual friend since we have the same hobby at uni and are in the same year and school. Initially i thought nothing much of him, he made silly faces and jokes but wasnt that big of a deal. Then somehow, on one roadtrip to a competition i sat with him in the front seat, and we talked about all so many things. All sorts of things we have in common and not so common and it was surprisingly nice how the conversation flowed. He photobombed all my pictures with stupid faces (that later i found myself looking at thinking how changing...) and on the way back i sat with him again, a little say and trying my best to seem very cool. We sano along the whole long ride back and his deep voice made my heart soft and gooey.

In the next month or so, this little flicker turned into a somewhat infatuation on my side. I looked over his facebook in depth, asked others more so what they think of him, looked over the pictures and snapchats of that day fondly. I realised I he was so convenient ticking all the boxes. He's local, has a sweet accent, has a car and knows the place. His family is sweet, religious etc and i think id get along with them. He doesnt drink or smoke. I even really think my whole family would really like him, the way he is outdoorsy and in the military and a proper clean guy. He likes climbing and hiking and scouts and fun games and such (sports, but not above a pizza and not too obsessed with fitness), he makes silly faces and such good jokes. He makes me laugh so easily. Hes single, definitely at least interested in girls. And for some reason about nobody else i talked to even found him romantically viable, let alone attractive!

What does make it so odd that i can't get him off my mind, and that i find him, beard and armhair and being "short" and all with his stupid silly faces and a nice butt. Is that i don't find any other man attractive. I'm fairly certain I'm gay, maybe bi maybe who knows. I'm also at least gray Ace, and sex uh weirds me out a whole bunch. So it makes sense I've not felt attraction and crushes growing up, but its so confusing that its so terribly intense (and nice) and its to very much a guy, and not a girl. (girls mind you i find so pretty and attractive daily, but i dont seem to really form crushes)

Besides that bugging me, i just figured maybe I'm bi! Maybe i'll open up to sex and all that if im in a relationship, but he seems friendly enough not to mind that even if i dont. How nice would it be to have someones hand to hold! To have someone to sit next to and who to say i love you to. Who to text late at night and to want to get out of bed for. I just wanted to feel a cozy cute relationship, and he seemed to be just the ticket. We started talking more, hanging out more, sitting in class together, and i thought i caught him looking at me more often, stand closer more often. Driven by a wild first time crush, my heart just decided to yall "he likes me back! He does! This is real and possible and great!" and even my friends (maybe because i was so enthusiastic) said they noticed it too, that our texts etc must be signs he likes me back.

So about 4 months ago before i went home for the summer, i began to get more antsy. Should i tell him? Surely i don't need to wait longer as the thought of him took up a lot of my daily hours. I thought of course even if hed say no, i can just run away for the summer and let the situation cool down without any awkwardness (glad i had that plan eh) and if it worked we could spend the summer texting and calling and it be really really sweet when we got together again!! So i got up my course, i planned the text to tell him (so he could think about it and not feel pressure to answer immediately or in public) my friends called me brave for apparently they would never dare to tell their crush. So i did it! I did as everyone told me, and i told him. Made myself all vulnerable and open and admitted i was smitten with him.

Now would this be any problem if it had gone like id hoped? Nope. He does not feel the same in the slightest and it was "such a surprise" so i had and cried and told my friends and cried and had our conversation and cried. In that week i learned that thats what heartbreak felt like. I learned the science behind why it hurt so so so bad. And i hoped up in bed being absolutely destroyed and miserable. Its precisely my fault for all the hopes i build up, all the dreams I'd dared allowed myself to have.

So over the summer, we didnt speak. Of course. But any reminder stung, seeing his picture pop up in facebook messenger, his name anywhere, any and all i hurt.

Over the summer i tried quite a lot to find a new affection, a whole lot if tinder indeed. And i ended up thinking of him little enough except to question what made him so special? As all these other boys just disinterest me.

Worse as we come back. We still share a hobby, and are on the committee and have to work together. I'd build up a bitterness, so I'd keep my distance and allowed him only basic friendly interaction or admittedly somewhat mean jabs and jokes. I had to inspect again, why am j like this? Why have my feelings not really changed? Why is he still so ideal in my eyes and i still want that dream i had. I figured out he was just so convenient. Thats what it boils down to. And so stupid stupid funny. And quite handsome in the right situation.

Hes still on my mind, so i ask in every avenue i can think of, what should I do?? How do i kill hope? Should i? Is there even the slightest chance he may change his mind? Maybe if i make myself look better, maybe if i build up our friendship more, maybe if that girl he liked doesnt want him and i can be a back up option.

Most tell me i need to just move on and forget about it, that theres no hope as he told me directly he doesnt like me back. But i just cant seem to stomach it. Just yesterday again we spent a competition day together, and everything just felt just as sweet as when j thought he liked me back. I find him so attractive still. I dont believe hes perfect, thats a little extreme. Nor do i think i'll never find someone else i'll like just as much and more.

But until then i'm so stuck. I'm trapped and it hurts and feels so strange. What can i possibly do to ease it? I cannot make him love me back. I want to wait for him to change his mind though. But thats terribly selfish. How do i just be a good friend to him? How do i free up all this space in my mind he still takes up?

Boy i like, please just either make me hate you, or love me back. I am hooked on you and it's gonna do nobody any good since you'll probably never like me the same way. I just am not what you want, even though youre everything i want.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ohh my god all the Dress Code and Gender Norms stuff......for some reason most of our middle school experience seemed to be the most arbitrary shit like another teachers personal vendetta against anyone using a messenger bag. there was like one pair of girls who would do stuff like hold hands but somehow nobody really cared, teacher-wise anyway, maybe because they also had the mutual act between themselves of like "being weird" and always joking with each other, so possibly everyone was just dismissing it as a Weird Joke instead of the gay agenda. i mean even students didn't really care beyond people being like "ugh gay" because our middle school years were right on the cusp of people who used to say "thats gay" as an unironic insult but also kids starting to realize that gay people were real and you didnt have to pretend to think it was a big deal and disgusting and etc. i mean i remember even mostly in elementary school it was the scenario where people understood "gay" as a universal insult before they understood the actual definition and even when they learned what it meant it was more like giggling whispering than anyone on the anti gay warpath. like i think someone tried to tell me what lesbian meant in the hallway in third grade like its a general secret, as a precise parallel to this kid in like first grade saying he knew a bad word and writing a tiny "fuck" on the top of his worksheet to share the knowledge it was a wild time but by middle school none of the students really seemed to care about anything even if there were still shitty undercurrents......nobody even hardly fought or got bullied, when you did you could literally just ignore it fairly easily. and i guess the teachers were mostly just focused on ketchup? like middle school is kind of a formative time both socially and educationally but it also manages to be useless. and then theres high school but you know. my brother is 4 yrs younger and by the time he was like a junior/senior in high school people seemed a lot less shitty about stuff like gender rules and straightness, he was a bi theater-ish kid who took a cosmetology class for fun and he was pretty much straightforward a popular kid the whole time. and i mean he and his friends would independently be texting each other about institutional racism so, despite there still being shitheads obviously the overall quality of the actual students is going up. i honestly think its great that like, for me it seemed like everyone was figuring out they were allowed to not be straight around like mid to late teens, and now people in the earliest teens and even younger are already cool with not being cishet and etc. its the whole thing of like, people pointing out that ppl like to make fun of the Embarrassing Early Teen Blogger who has like twelve terms for their identity, but honestly thats pretty great considering how not-that-long ago ppl in the same age group weren't allowed to have any confidence about their identity, especially if it Deviated From The Norm / proper school guidelines and etc not that people arent still shit and like, especially school staff and rules and grownass adults still being shit about how anything thats not straight and cis and white enough = inappropriate for school and for life, but when it comes to the students themselves in middle school / high school age, i had a pretty Could-Be-A-Lot-Worse experience of people not caring / starting to get an inkling that it was fine if everyone wasnt straight and etc yet still had people saying "thats gay" and thinking it was funny, and the next set of students already seemed a lot better than that, and as far as i can tell its already more common for the preteen/teen people themselves to be even better even sooner. nice if the people like vice principals would change up as often as the student body but the point is that honestly teens are doing great, way better than a lot the people in the age group working at the schools they have to go through anyways. the classic "people are learning things about being people like a decade earlier than they used to and thats great" thing. like thank god for that and good for everyone