#i can still kind of bend it
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i swear to god my little toe is one kick away from falling off
#i'm pretty confident i've broken it at least twice#cause that shit does not face quite the right way anymore#but i've just kicked it again#not a third break#but it's coming man#i'm gonna lose this toe before my life is over#i can still kind of bend it#so i consider that a win
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so sirius and james trusted each other more than anyone else, was described as inseparable and 'never saw one without the other'. they were the closest in their little group, they had the mirrors to stay in contact at any time, just for themselves. sirius ran away to james. godfather, best man, loved james more than anyone else and was dedicated to him for the rest of his life. and you fools prefer to ship him with ..*checks notes* that other guy?? the one he suspected was a spy?? the one that thought the same of him and let him rot in prison?? the fuck?
explain pls, cause i dont get it
#but james died i hear you say. and they are the only two left?? and yet you ship them at hogwarts??? how on earth?#and also them as adults is just depressing..how could they ever have a realtionship with that kind of baggage#you dont even have to ship james and sirius but pairing him with lupin is just odd#how can he love james the most and still date that other guy??? no fucking way#i love prongsfoot both a platonic pairing and a romantic one because it fits with what we are given#wolfstar is just a huge reach and needs some serious canon bending in order to work#anti wolfstar#yes welcome to my blog i hate that shit as you know#prongsfoot#my beloved
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goretober day 6: Transformation
this mermaid concept is not mine!!! it is cool as hell and comes from my homeboy @ch1ck3n-t03s
#original#mermaids#goretober#crisisgoretober2024#RAUHGHHH. THIS MERMAID CONCEPT IS SO FUCKING COOL DO YOU EVEN GET IT. DO YOU EVEN GET IT#IM ALWAYS FOREVER THINKING ABOUT THIS. COOLEST FUCKING MERMAID CONCEPT IVE EVER SEEN IN MY GODDAMN LIFE#they have CULTURE because they ARE people and they have to live once transformed and they have to live with each other#but everyone who is a mermaid was once human and they are linked by this horrifying painful often deadly process#which strips them of their agency and takes from them everything they knew up to and including their own bodies#if they breathe through the fish gills do their lungs fill with water? do they drown as they are taken by the fish#the fish are not intelligent but the humans ARE. once they merge they both change irreversibly and the mermaid has no choice but to condemn#someone else to the same fate they fell to if they want to continue their species#AUCH. and it's right there in the space between biologically feasible and sci fi 'no fucking way' that scratches my brain#like yeah dude. show me mermaid parasitism on a huge scale. show me massive symbiosis in which the two fuse together to form one individual#im thinkin this one is maybe a few weeks after the chomp. the scars are fresh but the fish has started the fusing#it doesn't need the eye anymore and so it's started to reabsorb. the mouth is fusing to the human body#the human legs are mostly dissolved but i imagine the bones are still intact which is why u can kind of see the knee through the eel#and it bends more drastically at the hip because the pelvis hasn't been digested yet. the fish's teeth have dissolved#the fins are still backwards in regards to how large a dorsal vs ventral fin should be because the fish is backward on the human part#it's so fucking cool dude. i love fucked up mermaids#i dont even care about my mermaids cause i aint never doing anything as cool as these bitches. what the fuck. mermaid parasitism. fuck yes#im late for the prompt once more but who care. im doing my thang. peacesign peacesign peacesign
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Something I love about ATLA is that it doesn't force the "forgive the villain" on all the characters. It's been left clear that Ozai is a bad person, and there's no chance of redemption; the only reason he's not dead yet is because Aang is a pacifist
The one episode where a character is supposed to forgive someone who has hurt them in the past is the one where Katara is off to kill a man (which, fair) and Zuko helps. In that episode, even if Aang is telling her to let go, she doesn't forgive him. She never will. But she spares him. Not because she thinks he doesn't deserve death (he does), but because she's not willing to continue the cycle of violence
Killing someone can have a very important impact in your entire being, mostly depending on who you are as a person. Aang would've never recovered from killing Ozai. Katara wouldn't be who she is now, had she taken her revenge on the man that killed her mother
And the best part of it is that Ozai doesn't deserve to die. Not in a "I'm defending him" way (ew), but in a "he deserves worse that than" way
Taking away his bending was the perfect punishment for him. He believed bending made you superior and he never cared enough to train something besides his bending. What a loser. Zuko and Azula wouldn't be restrained by something like that
He's alive. Nobody has forgiven him. Nobody ever will
#on a “ozai deserves smth worse than death” mood#which is. my everyday mood but we're not talking about that#read a fic where ppl were mad ozai was still alive#zuko clarified that he's still alive not only bc that's what aang wanted but bc death would be a mercy for him#that's the man who ruined everybody's life(s). you can't tell me we can just let him die like that#and they're not even torturing him. he's just in prison#but he's so fucking weak that not having his bending = torture#pathetic#honestly what did he even do? his entire family was better than him#zuko was better at any kind of fighting and he learned firebending from the fucking dragons#azula is. azula! she bends blue fire and is the best at lighting n stuff#iroh created a whole new bending technique and broke out of prison w no bending#ursa killed the fucking fire lord#i mean sure ozai can shoot lighting out of his hands. but so can iroh! so can azula!#his 14 year old daughter is better than him#she could kick his ass if she wanted#but that's her dad right there and the obssession she has w pleasing him is straight up unhealthy#man. poor azula#anyways back to the point: ozai is pathetic#loserlord indeed#atla#avatar the last airbender#fire lord ozai#zuko#aang#katara#azula#uncle iroh#avis' post#avis talks
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I love your Aegon Dreamer AU, funny version. The night Viserys dies, Aegon wakes up from a drunk stupor and is terrified and just takes Sunfyre and gets gone. No one knows where he is. What the heck do the Greens do?
this is actually the plot of my aligon au aksksjsjs
I go back and forth a lot on this tho, I think especially with Sunfyre missing they’re likely to just crown Aemond, with Aemond promising to marry his kids to Jaehaerys and Jaehaera. I think having a grown man in charge is considered better on the whole, and I also think the Greens would want to project Masculine Strength when faced with Rhaenyra’s counter claim, something crowning a near toddler (what is he like 6 when he dies?) might not do. But i do go back and forth on this a lot, because technically Jaehaerys IS next in line according to the Greens, then Maelor, THEN Aemond and I do wonder if Aemond doesn’t get talked into settling for like, Protector of the Realm or Regent like Rogar Baratheon was.
And with that change, I mean it’s just a cascade. Would Aemond even be the one to go to Storm’s End, if he’s King or Regent or would he send someone in his stead? If Luke death and B&C doesn’t happen right away, it makes the outset of the war set a different tone. Aegon really only gets angry and antsy after B&C but I think Aemond is much angrier and much more impulsive than the already very angry and impulsive Aegon. I think some sort of escalation is inevitable when the two sides come face to face for the first time, and double if the people who come face to face involve Aemond.
I do wonder if Daemon doesn’t maybe like…use the excuse of Rhaenyra’s miscarriage for his “son for a son” stuff ie “daughter for a daughter.” I think it’s a stretch to use the death of baby Visenya as a pretext for killing Jaehaera or even maiming her but idk, I also wouldn’t put it past Daemon to do something like that. Especially when, imo, Luke & Jaehaerys’ deaths are meant to show us that the situation has already escalated beyond control bc these people are too angry and paranoid and awful to reign in their worst impulses. It won’t be Luke & Jaehaerys, but it WILL be someone. The question is - if Rhaenyra can use Aegon disappearing to sow doubt about the Greens, and quickly take the crownlands, can she force the greens out faster? Yes she still has the Triarchy to contend with but if she takes the capital quicker, she’s in a better place to get rid of that threat and retake the Reach and Riverlands. On the other hand…does Aemond push for war FASTER than Aegon even outside a big blowup? If he’s more brutal, deals with them faster…does that stop everything in its tracks? He’s really at a disadvantage here when he’s lost a dragon and rider and losing Aegon also sets him back with allies - it just looks real fucking bad!
#i’m sorry this isn’t a great answer tbh it’s kind of a stumper for me#as i was doing my aligon thing i actually realized aegon just taking off on his own doesn’t really….help anything.#aemond is still there.#daeron imo could be pressed into bending the knee to rhaenyra. or he can be killed easier. aemond and vhagar are a problem.#asks#anons
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déjà vu
#thinking abt riooooo#her reactions#the way agatha threatens first 'if you do this i will hate you forever' and rio just nods. tears in her eyes but she nods#she already knew this would be the reaction and shes already decided#agatha hating her forever hurts but it's a price shes willing to pay for her duty#but then agatha /begs/#and while her own is not; agathas pain /is/ something shes willing to bend the rules for#time is everything. theres nothing else she can offer. time is what agatha asks for and she gets it. but that threat also still stands#and im sure rio knows that#shes not only buying agatha and nicky 6 years but herself too#and then the now. on the road. surprise.#i doubt it's the depth of agathas emotions shes surprised by bc shes kind of already seen enough to draw her conclusions#i wonder if shes surprised by the question. i wonder if shes a little bit insulted by the question#i dont think rio can extend lives. thats not in the job description. she cant kill. she cant un-kill. thats beyond her. before her#shes the transformation. what kills or doesnt isnt part of what she does or is.#i think she could only give nicky time bc he was theirs#nicky needed those deaths like rio. he was fed by the combination of agathas and rios powers#so the surprise when agatha asks her not to take billy could be that agatha in her super triggered state apparently really really#believes it's nicky. bc rio couldnt do anything otherwise#other option is that agatha doesnt actually understand this part#which i think would work too for me bc agatha not being able to see what rio is and does in her entirety is part of the whole Situation#anyway the surprise summed i think would be 'really? you think you can ask me that?'#which works for both options
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A woman at work asked if the packages I were carrying were heavy, and considering I was pretty easily balancing all 3 in one hand, I said no, but she took the larger one with both hands and said “oh, this one is heavy!” And I blinked at her in befuddlement and then assured her the other two were very light and I’d trade with her. I was thinking afterwards “wow, I know she was slim and barely 5 feet but I could barely tell there was anything in them” then I remembered when I was home earlier in the month and my family kept commenting on my arms and my mom was struggling with a huge bag of dog food so I took it and threw it on my shoulder and climbed the stairs and she told me I’m getting too buff…
#as a young adult I really wanted abs which is stupid and impossible because of my metabolic disorder#but then I started to slowly embrace butchness and it’s awesome to be bulky and strong#I don’t care that I have padding it’s hot all I care about is if I can be strong/capable and I’m reaching that goal#I like thinking to myself I want to do x and then actually being able to do it#I also enjoy pushing myself physically at work but I need to be careful about it#it just makes me satisfied and proud to use my muscles and get sweaty but I don’t want to hurt myself#getting this promotion has also boosted my confidence a lot I feel more sure of myself and like the world is bending to my will#this job doesn’t actually mean anything to me but it is nice to know I’m valued#my managers had some really kind things to say about me and said I could probably keep climbing the ladder#but I know that’s not true because I’ll never be able to oversee multiple sites since I use public transit#and some of them are significantly out of the way and inaccessible#plus I really don’t want to be still at this job by the time I hit that ceiling#but it’s still very nice to be respected and trusted and given responsibilities#p
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watching fandaniel go is wild because he is just [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] and yeah man that's a mood
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv fandaniel#the cutscene where he's dancing and pacing in front of zenos in the armory while they talk genuinely startled me a little#with how accurately the editing and camerawork captured What That Stim Feels Like#i'm less inclined to do Large Amounts of Spinning and Bending; and the way i get my arms involved looks different#but something about the energy to it and the center of gravity and the way he Turns when he steps is just Oh Wow Yeah Same#on one hand; surface-level he's the type of Unhinged Manic Pixie Dream Boy that you'd think would be a bit on the nose for adhd headcanons#(which would be valid anyway to be clear but still)#but like. motherfucker has adhd just look at him#and honestly i like that a lot because 'surface level' is the keyword here. he Has Depth and is adhd about it#i need to find that post about how masking doesn't necessarily mean trying to pass for neurotypical#among other things; it can look like playing super hard into Look at How Megadifferent and Quirky and Weird I Am; and yeah that's him#and tbh he kind of vibes to me as having gotten into Being an Obnoxious Flamboyant Theater Kid#specifically because it's a useful cover for being his brand of ND#'those damn wacky rich gay nobles' as an explanation for your behavior is going to get you a very different niche in society#than 'that weird dude who talks strangely and can't sit still and whose social cues are A Little Off'#'and makes bizarre disruptive distracting movements with his body while he talks'#anyway diversity win etc etc i love him#ableism mention cw#ffxivtag#FF tag
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i am feeling So Many Things at the moment but mostly i just feel like a disaster
#friday chats#tw vent#it's like.#new school - far from family - already behind - new crush - really tired - fucking focus would you?! - new show - undone chores#on and on and on#a big ball of highs and lows that - instead of mellowing out into a net positive or negative -#- just make me feel like i'm being pulled in two opposite directions#why can't i just have the good and not the bad#i really wanted to take a gap year to decompress from All Of High School but my parents refused#kind of wish i took it regardless. just ''whoops - missed the application deadline! i'll get it in next year'' and faced their ire#but then i wouldn't have met my new friend at freshman camp#we both were individually interested in the queer orgs on campus and could have still met that way#but idk. it wouldn't have been the same#mostly i'm just worried i'm not cut out for living on my own. being an adult with a job. doing college at all.#not because people who have to rely on others/don't have a job/drop out are supposedly failures#but bc i don't have anybody i could safely fall back on AND live a life that is entirely my own if i don't make it#all i've got is my family. who will judge me for failing and force me to stay in the closet.#and frankly i don't want to live like that#so i have to keep going#but also part of me's like. ''you're ready to throw in the towel only a week in?? for fuck's sake friday come on''#it was just so much. i don't know. i just want to rest. i've been stressed for so long#i want a life where my needs are met and i feel safe and loved. that's all#but NOO i have to get a DEGREE to get a JOB so i can even begin to THINK of something like that#my family always jokes about how one day when i'm successful as an author i'll be super rich and have a private jet or whatever#and yeah that just speaks to how poorly they know me but more importantly IF i make it that big i just want to settle somewhere nice#somewhere cozy. maybe start a garden. get a cat. hold a loved one close at night. that's it really#and it sure would be nice if i could have that without having to bend over backwards getting a degree and a 9-to-5 or w/e#but i can't. so throwing myself at the wall that is my shit executive function it is.
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Sometimes I think about how, back when the roster was much bigger, me and my old friend group all picked out WTL characters that we thought the others were the most like, and almost universally people thought Druid was the most like me. That probably should've been my first clue that none of them knew a single thing about me, but hindsight is 20/20
I also often think about how, after several days of going through things that had happened to me over the last four or so years, I was told 'You seem like a person who wants to be understood', and it hit me that until then, I had never met someone who ever really got me. Now that I have, I could never settle for less.
#for the record Sven is like two steps away from being my kinsona#like it's almost embarrassing lmao#i think between him and Leo (with his edits over the years) you can find 70-ish percent of what makes up me as a person#idk man I just. People think Im so aggressive and obtuse#and like. yeah when im backed into a corner im not the nicest#but i dont think anyone would be if they're in fight or flight mode and it feels dishonest to judge someone at their most vulnerable#but when im just like.... There and Alive and being my usual nerdy self#which is 99 percent of the time#i am just a Guy in a Room#and people assume the worst of me for it#like damn what about me is so evil and intimidating. please i want to be seen as soft and kind and genuine for once in my life#i wanna be able to express myself without it being seen as an attack or rude or aggressive#it wasnt until recently where i really started noticing this and by extension getting peeved about it#but i've been so mild-mannered and people-pleasing all my life because i was unknowingly compensating for how people view me#and even with all that bending over backwards it never worked anyway because I was still the weirdo at best and the aggressor at worst#And Im *tired* of that. I'm so tired of it.#I cannot in good faith keep trying to be this un-intimidating flower when people are only gonna see thorns regardless#nugget rambles#text.txt#vent tag#I'll go back to regularly scheduled shitposting soon#Also like clarity on Druid: I project some fears and traumas of mine onto him and he means a lot to me#but in terms of personality he is far nicer and resilient than I would ever be under such circumstances#Druid isn't me but he's someone I wish I had in my life when I needed it. He's someone I wish I could be
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love being at the climbing gym like yeah im not that flexible and then constantly doing moves matching my hands n feet on the same holds even when completely unnecessary
#half the pictures ppl take of me i have one leg straight and the other at my shoulder height. okay yeah#just looking thru ones ppl have taken recently of me again.. we love being vain n self obsessed#cant wait to get back there on monday i have so many projects rotating in my mind. im always thinking abt them while im at work#.diaries#i flashed a v4 yesterday that was a kind of manoeuvring all your hands and feet onto the same hold and standing type deal#and it felt rly natural to me n then no one else could do it n i felt bad for calling it easy for a v4 i just forgot i can Bend 💀#its mainly only bc im a little younger than some other ppl. and a bit lighter too... and doing years of resistance training has given me#more range of motion than ppl who have histories of different exercise styles/sports#there are ppl who are way more flexible than me ofc but some of them in the group dont have as much core or power.. different stats innit#i figured out a start to another v4 that i was rly proud of too.. just need to get the rest of it next week#but again no one else could even start it my way which was frustrating bc my fave thing is getting to share smth i figured out w someone#so we can joint problem solve the whole thing n both send it... anyway i think its still useful but theyd have to start on the other side#and go up a little in order to come down into the position i had. since its a weird one to get into from the ground bc ur legs are folded#mmmmm....#im so tired i meant to do so much when i got home from work but zzzzzzz#oh welllllll.. itll be a fun weekend hehe going to visit a friend for a few days <3
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Finished the live action avatar
It’s not a perfect adaptation, I think the biggest thing is they have taken a lot of the fun out of it, Aang doesn’t wanna go do kid stuff, Iroh is way more serious, BUT I don’t necessarily blame like the series itself as much as I blame the current state of tv being in constraints of like 8 episodes and wanting people to binge it in the first few days and everything.
I hope they let Azula be as scary as possible next season, I think they just wanted her introduced a bit earlier since everyone was gonna be waiting for it, I hope they let Iroh chill out a bit more, but in general from my point of view if you see people bashing this series with as much vitriol as the movie then they’re being super dramatic. There are parts that could absolutely be better but like I said those issues go hand in hand with issues with all of tv right now. I think it’s decent at least, I know it’s a beloved series but some people are being HARSH
#bring back filler and characters just hanging out#and stop expecting people to watch shit in the first 30 seconds before you cancel it#for reference I think it’s a better adaptation than the new Percy Jackson tbh#same kinda vibes in the exposition dumps and kinda treating the audience like idiots but avatar just slightly bumps above percy for me#other minor issues are the acting at times but some of those times are literal children#a lot of people seem pissed at the zuko portrayal but season one zuko is dramatic af a lot of the time#and I think Dallas Liu just turned that up a bit and made him angrier which I’m not mad at#I wish katara was a little snarkier I saw someone mention her rage being kind of hamstrung and they were kinda right#it’s not entirely gone but it’s not there as much as I’d like#cgi is kinda whack at times too but that’s everything atm as well not avatar specific#the martial arts pretty good too esp fire bending they still clearly took from Shaolin kinda styles#I do wish they’d speed aang up a bit though#both in general but also stop using slow mo when he’s doing shit#anyway#I’m not super mad at it#if they don’t fuck up toph and do some better characterising of azula and iroh we might actually see it to the end#and some more episodes for like actual development but I feel like that’s wishful thinking with Netflix rn#even like 10-12 would be better and then sokka could’ve had his development with the Kyoshi warriors#and aang can show more of his reluctance and fear because he’s a twelve year old pacifist#avatar#avatar the last airbender#avatar live action#atla
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hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.
and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.
i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.
where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).
but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?
#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady#but i don't ACT on it#and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human.#and at work we're stuck together#the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness#that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever.#bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't#i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention#i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you#you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it#it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments#to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy#and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you#that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit#like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to#modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind#and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill#3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO.#i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen#and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way#and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her!#'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!!#and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused??#like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ?#personal#*exhales* okay i feel better now#i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!!#but until i process it i can't let go#and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow#it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!
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my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm
#purrs#delete later#also she’s guilt tripping me into coming to the stupid fucking potluck on sunday bc she needs the extra help and it’s like… what are you#gonna do when i move out. like i am a grown woman and i should be able to choose how i spend my two precious weekend days. and my dad is a#grown man and he should be able to choose where he works. like is that not a little bit insane. i get it but also….. i do think it s kind of#fucked ip that it’s her way or the highway and her needs take priority over all of ours and she’s asking us to bend to what she wants when#she wants it. like i get it bc she’s sick but it’s not fair for her to expect that from my dad especially. particularly when me and my#brother are back at work / school in more high risk environments than my dad who would be in a private office alll day. and the thing is no#one is brave enough to all her on it bc if we did it would be the END of the world. she even threw a fit on my dads bday and complained bc#the things he wanted to do were things she didn’t want to do like all the man wanted to do was go mini golfing and when that wasn’t good#enough he just wanted to go on a walk and my mom complained the whole time and also scoffed the movie he wanted to watch and said it was#boring and it’s like… wtf it’s HIS birthday??? but what do you expect from the woman who (and in fairness her friends got her these as gifts#but still) has TWO kitchen items that say some variation of ‘a marriage is when one is always right and the other is always the husband’ 💀#i look at that little plaque every night bc it’s in front of the sink when im doing dishes and it makes me so fucking angry. like my dad is#a whole fucking person and he can be right too and he deserves to make choices and be happy and not have his wife put him down all the time.#idk. and she puts down his family all the time too and complains when he wants to do the most reasonable things for his own enjoyment that#don’t align with hers and criticizes his interests all the time and it just sucks to see. he never shows hurt or anything so idk how he#feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop#making her needs more important than everyone else’s bc… she may be our mom / his wife / whateger but that doesn’t make her queen. no one is#(andalso this has only gotten worse bc of covid / her being sick. like this has been a lifelong thing it’s just it’s a lot worse now bc the#circumstances gave her room / forced her to have to take up more space. and it’s just so frustrating. i get it. but none of us are pawns or#dolls or subordinates or anything. there’s 5 adults here and we should all be able to make choices and not be guilt tripped by her. lol#)
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I was really sitting here like “2023 is the best year I’ve had in a long time in terms of ‘not trying to kill me’, I haven’t gotten sick once” and then I remembered the fucking catastrophic knee dislocation that’s had me limping since May
#it’s really getting tedious now folks. it’s really like. i was over it 2 months ago#i don’t know why i’m still having problems; my physio doesn’t really know why i’m still having problems; my doctor…… is on sabbatical#here’s what i think happened. i think i sprained my mcl when i went down. i also think that about 4 days into my recovery i buggered up#my hamstring by wearing my brace for too long and incorrectly. i also think that during my initial recovery i didn’t move around enough#SOME rest was absolutely necessary but i rested too much and some muscles atrophied#i also didn’t put enough effort into straightening my knee because i just flat out assumed i couldn’t do it#i think i went days without ever fully extending my leg#that’s why i can do it when i’m lying down but i still have trouble if i’m standing up. and i can’t walk without bending my knee#i also think i was prone to dislocations because i didn’t exercise enough prior to being injured. i had a weak shitty vmo and pathetic quads#i still have kind of a shitty vmo but i have better quadriceps and have eliminated the quad lag i used to have after my injury#i also think limping for so long (nearly 4 months 😵💫) has caused me to build muscle in completely the wrong places#and i think i didn’t ice my knee often enough to bring down the swelling in the early stages and that’s why i still get inflammation#and a weird little ball of fluid that appears by my kneecap#and i think i probably tore some fibres and pissed off my patella tendon when i initially fell#and. i think if i used pain relief such as ibuprofen more often instead of just FORGETTING. i’d have a lot easier time getting around#i also have noticed tight pants and slightly heeled boots force me to walk better for some reason???#my sweats and trainers are comfortable and i feel safe and able to move in them#plus i can wear a brace under sweats. but my boots make my posture better and force me to walk tall#case in point: when i’ve worn boots nobody has noticed my limp#overall….. overall i think i need to stop being stupid#ice the knee whenever i’ve overexerted myself; take ibuprofen or cocodamol with meals; apply nurofen or tiger balm daily#and maybe come off my birth control. which is unrelated but genuinely honestly the new pill the doctor gave me to try is making me feel#absolutely lousy. i’m getting random abdominal cramps and it suuuucks#i may just finish the packet that i’m on and then stop and make an appointment to be like ‘put me back on microgynon i can’t do this’#why’d they take me off microgynon? hypertension. why’d i have hypertension? i was fucking sitting around healing from a knee injury#i hate thiiiiis. maybe i’ll just ask them for an implant#personal
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pitting fob's return and p!atd's subsequent death against each other in my head like im drafting an old harry potter vs twilight essay lol
#it boils down to talent in both performing writing and producing#the capability to take care of your voice too#fob can produce smth of Good Quality that allows people to let go of their lil dip dip dabble into n/fts#which was also their only instance so far?? i think everyone including them let it go#which is good#meanwhile vlv was uhh too shit so it wasnt It#and theres clearly no instance of brendon retracting his apologist tendencies or the foot he uses to kick the dead horse#unless of course theres Shit im not aware of idk i havent been so immersed in this for a while#relatively its also kinda like.#fob has remained a 4piece band after all these years#they have rapport with each other and know how Talk Shit Out esp with the creative process#i mean like they know how to bend their heads together and make something and talk#even rn as joe is taking a break they still remain a 4piecer they dont omit him from promo and mvs completely#in comparison#brendon can make nonsense abt being alone at the top (he has kicked people off the pedestal itself)#while holding some kind of.. ndas with ry/jon/spence/dallon#none of those boys talk about each other which is strange when they albums they put out have bangers indicative of group cohesion#meaning like.. it sound good so they work together well at some point right? what happened?#fob#p!atd#p!atd neg#anti brendon urie#i also think its so weird that now hes having a kid he'll stop singing about sex now#like you didnt stop when the allegations came out? or as you uhhh idk got married?#like ik for a fact pete can write about skinship like an unintelligible artform he knows what hes doing#fall out boy#panic! at the disco#i hope i dont get doxxed for this? i have like . school lol#im not saying fob are saints tho . theyre just pretty alright? with maintaining a public career#i assume they actually listen to their pr manager
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