#i can relate w the mood swings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeyhoneypp · 5 months ago

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Hii I Iove ur op hcs!! Could you maybe do a hc on the monster trio reacting to their partner being pregnant out of notice?

A Good Mother

One Piece men with a pregnant girlfriend

What is wrong with your body? You wonder why you have been feeling sick lately, or why you haven't had your period even though it's been 3 months, or why your body has been feeling heavier and your stomach look rounder. You have also been craving food, but at the same time, food makes you feel sick. Could it be possible that..?

Female pronouns! Fluff + some angst on Zoro’s part

==================================

L U F F Y

At first he didn’t really noticed your mood swings or food cravings, he just thought you wanted to be stronger like him! So he didn’t get worried, but he did notice how you started to get sick, which really worried him.

But what got him worried sick was when you suddenly fainted in the middle of a battle, he thought the enemy had hurt you, but Chopper quickly grabbed you and brought you back to the ship.

==================================

Luffy was fighting the captain of a random pirate crew that got in his way, you were fighting one of the pirates but suddenly you started to feel dizzy, your vision became blurry and your legs started to get weak, and suddenly everything went completely black.

Luffy watched as you fell to the ground, thinking that the pirate had hurt you, he quickly stretched out his arm to hit the pirate in the face and easily knocked him out.

Luffy— “____!” — The captain tries to stab Luffy but he was quick to dodge __

Chopper— He quickly picks you up — “I got her, Luffy! Don’t worry”

When you finally wake up you were on bed, Chopper was sitting next to you.

Chopper— “Oh! You’re awake!”

— “Chopper..? W-What happened?”

Chopper— “You fainted in the middle of a battle, ____”

— “I did?”

Chopper— Nod — “Do you have any idea why this can be? Have you been drinking water, sleeping, have you been anxious?”

— “I’ve been hydrating myself and sleeping well, and I’m not anxious…”

Chopper— “I should probably run some blood tests to see if you have low sugar levels..”

— “I… I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

Chopper— “Hm? Why is that, ____?”

— “I’ve been feeling weird lately”

Chopper— “Tell me more”

—“I’ve been having some weird food cravings, sometimes I just want to eat everything, but other times I can’t even look at food or I feel like I’m going to throw up. And I haven’t had my period for about 3 months now, I think… and also… I’ve been feeling my body a little bit heavier, and I’ve noticed that my stomach has gotten rounder too.”

You stand up and pull your shirt up to show Chopper that indeed your stomach looks rounder than before.

Chopper— “____… when was the last time you had sexual relations?”

— You sit back on the bed — “I think it was exactly 3 months ago… Chopper, you don’t think I’m pregnant right..?”

Chopper— “Well, those are signs of a pregnancy, but if you used protection then it’s probably something else. You used protection right?”

— “No.”

Chopper— He sighs — “You had sexual relations with Luffy, right?”

— “Yeah…”

Chopper— “____, I think you’re pregnant, but I’ll have you do a pregnancy test to be sure”

Chopper quickly went to look for something in his cabinets, then he came back with 3 pregnancy tests and 2 cups, one with water and the other one empty.

Chopper— “Here, drink this” — He hands you the cup of water and you drink it, then he hands you the empty cup and the 3 pregnancy tests — “I need you to urinate in this cup and then put the tip of the pregnancy tests inside the cup and leave it for around 10 seconds. Then bring the tests to me, got it?”

— “Okay…”

You quickly run to the restroom with all the things, you urinate in the cup and put the pregnancy tests inside of it, one at a time and then you wait for the results to appear.

After some minutes you start seeing how 2 lines start to appear on the pregnancy result.

— “Does this mean… that I’m pregnant?”

You throw the cup away and quickly go into Chopper’s office, you hand him the 3 pregnancy tests and he readers each one of them.

Chopper— “____, you are indeed pregnant. And since you had sexual relations 3 months ago, I’ll guess you’re already 3 months pregnant.”

— “I-“

Luffy open the door aggressively, he just came from defeating the whole pirate crew and quickly came to see how you were.

Luffy— “____! Are you okay?!” — He grabs your shoulders —

— “Y-Yes, Luffy. I’m okay”

Chopper— He taps your leg — “Do you want to tell him or should I tell him?”

— “Please tell him…” — You sit back on the bed —

Luffy— “Huh? Tell me what?”

Chopper— “Luffy, these are really important news, don’t freak out”

Luffy— “What do you mean? Just spit it out already”

Chopper— “____ is pregnant.”

Luffy— “Pregnant? You mean she has a baby in her tummy?”

Chopper— “Yes”

Silence filled the room, Luffy just stared at chopper and then at you. You were anxious, you didn’t know how he would take these news.

Luffy— He scratches his neck — “Okay.”

Chopper— “What do you mean ‘okay?!’ Luffy, this is something serious! Having a baby is a big responsibility!”

Luffy— “She’s just carrying a baby in her tummy, what’s the big deal?”

Chopper— “Luffy, are you not listening to yourself?! She’s carrying a baby! That means she won't be able to fight anymore, she'll be vulnerable to any kind of attack for at least 6 months! And after those 6 months you'll have to take care of a human baby that doesn't know how to defend itself!”

Luffy— “Shishishi, it’s okay, I’ll protect both of them! But if I can’t I trust you guys in protecting them! I think it’s a fun idea of having a little guy or girl running around the ship!”

Chopper— He sighs — “Luffy-”

— You put your hand on Chopper’s head — “Chopper, it’s alright. Trust him when he says he or his crew will protect us” — You smile at him —

Chopper— “Well I guess you’re right… Then I’ll protect you, ____!”

— You giggle — “I’m sure you will!”

Later that night

You were laying down in bed, Luffy had his head on your abdomen.

Luffy— “I can’t believe you have a baby here, that’s so funny. How did that even happened? Did you swallowed the little guy or girl?”

— “What? No! Luffy, do you seriously don’t know how I got pregnant?”

Luffy— he shakes his head —

— Sigh — “Remember that night? That night where I made you feel good and you also made me feel so good?”

Luffy— He thinks for a moment — “Oh yeah! That! Shishishi, that was a fun game, we should do it again”

— You laugh — “You’re right. But that’s the reason I got pregnant”

Luffy— “Oh, okay.”

— “You don’t understand, right?”

Luffy— He laughs — “Nope!”

— You smile at him — “You’ll understand someday, let’s go to sleep.”

Luffy falls asleep with his head on your abdomen, he didn't understand what was happening to your body or how big of a responsibility was taking care of a baby, but he knew he had to be more protective of you. After all, you're carrying his and your baby! And he's excited to see the baby.

Z O R O

He didn't really notice how your eating habits had changed, but he did notice your mood swings, he didn't want to think too much about it. I mean, they're normal, right? Maybe you're on that thing girls call "period."

But then he started to get worried when it had been over a week and you were still having the same mood swings, you're the person he tolerates the most, after Luffy of course. But he started to get annoyed by how you started crying over the smallest things, making you have a small argument.

==================================

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, he was frustrated, he made you cry by raising his voice at you for questioning him about spending time together... why did he raise his voice at you? He was mentally insulting himself.

Then suddenly Sanji opened the door aggressively.

Sanji— “Hey, marimo” — He said with an aggressive tone —

Zoro— “Hm? What do you want?”

Sanji— “____, she fainted, she’s at Chopper’s office right now”

Zoro— “…What? She fainted?! Why?!”

Sanji— “I have no idea, I found her on the kitchen”

Zoro— He quickly stands up to go to the door — “Damn it!”

Sanji— He grabs his shoulder making him stop — “I heard how you raised your voice at her this morning, don’t you ever dare to hurt her feelings again or I’ll kick your ass”

Zoro doesn't say anything, he just slaps Sanji’s hand off his shoulder, but Sanji was right, he shouldn't have raised his voice at you. He quickly went to Chopper's office to check on you.

Zoro— “Chopper!”

Chopper— He flinches — “Zoro! You scared me!”

— “Zoro..?”

Zoro— “____! Oh, good you’re alright.” — He hugs you —

Chopper— “Yes, she just fainted because of being stressed, it’s nothing serious don’t worry”

Zoro— “…____, I’m really sorry for raising my voice at you this morning, I shouldn’t have done that… It was so stupid of me”

— “It’s okay, Zoro. I just been sensitive these past few days because I- I’m pregnant…”

Zoro— He freezes on place, did he heard you right? — “What did you said?”

— “I’m pregnant.”

Zoro— “You’re pregnant… Chopper, is that true? Is a baby actually growing inside of her?”

Chopper— “Yes, it’s true, those are the consequences of having unprotected sex”

Zoro— “So… how long do we have to wait for the baby to come out?”

Chopper— “Well since the last time you both had sexual relations was 3 months ago… I’ll say you have 6 months left.”

Zoro— “Well, what am I supposed to do now? Is she going to be okay?”

Chopper— “She’ll be okay, she just won’t be able to do a lot of psychical activity, like fighting.”

Zoro— “She won’t?!”

Chopper— “Yes, she’s carrying a baby so she won’t be able to do a lot of stuffs”

Zoro— “But what if I’m not able to protect her…”

— “Zoro…”

Chopper— “Don’t worry, Zoro. That’s why you have your crewmates! We’ll also protect ____!”

Zoro— “You’re right, thank you Chopper…”

Chopper— he nods — “If you guys ever need parenting advices please let me know! I’ll be studying more about human babies to help you guys.”

— “Thank you, Chopper, you’re the best doctor”

Chopper— He gets bashful — “Oh, you big dummy! Complimenting me like that doesn’t make me a bit happy, why would that make me happy?” — He says while doing a cute little dance —

— You giggle — “Whatever you say, Chopper.”

It was already afternoon, you were with Zoro in the crow's nest, he was resting with his head on your lap after a hard day of training.

— “Zoro, you should get some rest, you can’t be training hard everyday without rest.”

Zoro— “I can’t… I need to get stronger, and since you’re pregnant I’ll have to train way more”

— “It’s okay, Zoro. You heard what Chopper said, they’ll also protect me! Don’t you trust them?”

Zoro— “I do trust them, ____. But I want to be the one that protects you, what if everyone gets defeated? What will happen to you and our baby?

— “Zoro…”

Zoro— “And don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that we're going to have a baby... but I'm just worried, you know that my dream is to become the greatest swordsman and I train hard every day to achieve it, but that doesn't give me much time to spend with you.”

— You listen to him carefully —

Zoro— “I want to be there for you, I want to be a good father and boyfriend, but I also have my own dreams and you know that and I don’t want us to argue for that, like we did in the morning, it’s not good for you or the baby.”

— “I understand, Zoro. I’m sorry I acted that way this morning… being pregnant is hard, it can make you more sensitive or have mood swings, or that’s what Chopper told me… So I’ll need you to be patient with me too”

Zoro— He smiles at you and sits next to you — “I understand, ____. I’ll try my best to be a good boyfriend for you and our baby”

— “I know you’ll be a good father, Zoro”

Zoro puts his hand on your abdomen and feels the small bump.

Zoro— “I can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl… Either way, I’ll teach them to be the next greatest swordsman.”

He's a little stressed about the idea of having a baby, as he doesn't want to make you feel alone due to his constant training, but he'll make sure to figure something out, and now you understand that too.

S A N J I

He was quick to notice your mood swings and cravings, noticing how sometimes you just wanted to eat the weirdest combinations or the entire refrigerator or how sometimes you couldn't stand the smell or sight of food.

Of course, he was very worried. Did you want to try new foods that he didn't know about? Did you get bored of his food? He couldn't go on with this, so he decided to ask you because he needed answers immediately.

==================================

Sanji was in the kitchen preparing your favorite meal. He noticed that you didn't eat the meal he made this morning. He thought that you probably just didn't like what he made, but he was also thinking about other things.

Did you start to get bored with his cooking? Did you hate the food he was preparing? Or why haven't you been eating the food he's been preparing for you these past few days?

After finishing preparing the meal, he quickly walked out of the kitchen and went to the girl’s room. When he arrived, he knocked on the door, and you lazily said, "Come in."

Sanji— He opens the door and comes inside the room — “My love! I prepared your favorite dish!”

— “Oh, Sanji! Aw, you didn't have to, sweetie”

Sanji— “My love, I noticed that you didn't eat this morning, so you're probably hungry right now”

— “I'm not! I swear I'm okay!”

Sanji— "Are you getting bored of my food? Don't you like it anymore? You haven't been eating any of the food I've been preparing these past few days."

— “Oh, sweetie, it's none of that I swear! F-” — You quickly cover your mouth, you feel like you are going to throw up again —

Sanji— “My love?”

You quickly ran out of the room, you weren't going to be able to go all the way to the restroom to throw up so you had to lean onto the ship rail and throw up everything you had on your stomach.

Sanji follows you and he starts patting your back, letting you know that he's here if you need anything.

Sanji— "____?! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Some water? Should I call Chopper?!"

— “Sanji, I can't stand the smell of food, I have barely been eating because of that... I think I'm sick, please take me to Chopper”

He nods, then he picks you up and takes you to Chopper’s office when he arrives he opens the door with his foot.

Chopper— He turns his head to the door — “Sanji?! ____!? What happened to her?”

Sanji— “She’s been feeling sick lately, she can't stand the smell of food or she feels like she throws up, please, Chopper, do something!”

Chopper— “Okay, please put her on bed.”

Sanji doesn't say anything else and he generally out you on the bed. He's really worried, what if it's something serious? What if it's some kind of sickness that not even Chopper can cure?

Chopper— “Okay, ____, please tell me your symptoms”

— “These past few days I've been feeling like I want to throw up just smelling the food, I have also been noticing that my stomach has been getting rounder, and I've also been feeling more sensitive.”

Chopper— He thinks for a moment — “When was the last time you got your period?”

— “I haven't gotten my period for 3 months now”

Chopper— He gasps — “Could it be that… ____, when was the last time you had sexual relations?!”

— “3 months ago… wait…”

Chopper— “But you used protection right?!”

Sanji— “Um…”

— “…No”

Chopper— “____… I think you're pregnant”

Sanji— “SHE’S WHAT?!”

— “What?! A-Are you sure!?”

Chopper— “I'm sure, but to be more sure I'll need you to take some pregnancy tests”

Chopper quickly ran to the cabinet and gave you a pregnancy test and a cup.

Chopper— “You’ll need to urinate in this cup, and then put the tip of the pregnancy test inside the cup, if it has 2 lines then that means you're pregnant… but if it has one line then it means you aren't pregnant. Any questions?”

You nod at everything Chopper says, how is Sanji taking this? Does he even want to be a father?

Sanji— He coughs — “So, Chopper, I have a question.”

Chopper— “Go ahead”

Sanji— “If she's pregnant…” — His eyes turn into hearts — “Does this mean her breasts will get bigger?!”

Chopper— “Yes indeed, they'll also get more sensitive and could probably leak breast milk, it's something normal but it could be embarrassing for ____.”

Sanji— “Bigger… sensitive… and they leak milk?!” — His nose starts bleeding —

— “Sanji!” — Your face turns red —

Chopper— “Sanji!?”

Later that night, after Chopper performed a blood transfusion on Sanji, and you took the pregnancy test that indeed came out positive, Sanji is still resting in bed. However, you are feeling impatient and decide to show him the pregnancy test now.

You open Chopper’s office and see Sanji resting on the bed, but he isn't asleep, he is just staring at the ceiling.

— “Sanji?”

Sanji— “____-love! Was the pregnancy test positive?!”

— You hand him the pregnancy test — “It is…”

Sanji— His eyes shine — “My love! We're having a baby! I can't believe this I real!”

He stands up picks you up and gently puts you on the bed.

— “Sanji, are you actually happy? I mean, do you really want to have a baby?”

Sanji— “Of course I am happy! I always wanted to start a family with you! Oh, this is the best day of my life!” — He starts filling your face with his kisses —

— You giggle — “Stop that! It tickles!”

Sanji— He laughs — “I'm sorry I'm just really happy!”

— “I'm happy too, but I won't be able to fight while I'm pregnant…”

Sanji— “You don't have to worry about that, ____. You know I'll always protect you!”

— You smile at him — “I'm sure you will”

Sanji— “I love you so much, sweetheart”

— “I love you too”

This man is happy about the idea of having a baby. He knows you will be a wonderful mother, and he is excited to see the changes your breasts will have. However, that's not all he cares about, he cares about your well-being and commodity, and will always be there for you if you ever need something. Trust me, he‘ll be the good father he never had. (biologically)

==================================

The three of them have their own opinions about having a baby, but even with different opinions, the three of them will be great fathers! And they trust their crewmates to take care of you anytime they can't! <3

Please let me know if I made spelling mistakes, some things don’t make sense or got their personality wrong!

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #one piece x reader #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #pregnant #monster trio #fluff

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sapph1cyearning · 1 year ago

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Wilhelm's Mental Health; Autism or Borderline Personality Disorder?

Wilhelm’s mental health status is a complex issue that has been heavily commentated on by the fandom, from what I've observed within the YR fandom, a large number of fans headcanon Wilhelm as having autism but I hope to explore autism and it's symptomology outside of the white male perspective that is defaulted upon in autistic representation by overviewing symptoms that contribute to the interpretations of Wilhelm having either Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). These two disorders can show up in similar forms, and often get misdiagnosed (especially women and non-white people are immediately pointed toward the BPD diagnosis rather than ASD due to assessor’s prejudice and society's higher expectations for minority groups to mask autistic traits while in public but that’s another story). A key difference between the two is that ASD is a genetic disorder while BPD is a disorder that develops due to childhood trauma. Both disorders have a high likelihood for comorbidity with other mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Content Warning: Frank commentary of symptoms associated with Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder, including: self-harm, substance abuse, and emotional dysregulation.

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional but I am autistic, and I’ve known quite a number of people with either BPD or autism [Years ago, I stayed at a long-term DBT-based treatment center, a therapeutic specialty for created to address BPD that has been expanded to treat other mental health struggles and disorders that go hand-in-hand with BPD symptoms (Substance abuse, self-harm, OCD, etc.)]. This is also solely based on what is seen in the show, not actors' interpretations that are expressed through interviews.

Throughout the series Wilhelm (W) is seen engaging in a multitude of behaviors and experiences feelings that he expresses verbally that could be interpreted as fitting as symptoms of both.

Notably the scene where W is seen smacking his temple with his palm (1x05) can be interpreted as either: purposeful self-harm (a common self-destructive coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions in BPD; his alcohol and drug use could be described similarly) or a self-stimulatory behavior (stimming), a characteristic of ASD to aid in regulating or expressing intense emotions (while W is only seen engaging in this with a “negative” emotion, stimming can be used with all emotions), other example include his chest-rubbing, and frequent caressing of different textures.

Intense mood-swings, anger, and difficulties with emotion processing, this is quite evident in W's actions, emotional responses, and feelings he expresses verbally. Both disorders have been observed to have intense changes of emotions at a “drop of a hat.” ASD mood-swings are typically related to exposure to sensory input that is quite uncomfortable, overstimulation, and/or meltdowns (breakdowns due to a culmination of intense feelings, sensory input and/or overwhelming experiences). BPD mood-swings and impulsive actions are more related to triggers of trauma responses, and a lack of regulatory measures

Symptoms Specific to Each Disorder:

BPD:

Attachment to Favorite Person (FP), a symptom of BPD where one idolizes one person in their life to an extreme degree, wanting to spend all their time with their FP, and intense anger and despair with perceived betrayals/slights against them/mistakes. W goes through 2 FPs (Erik and Simon). He adores Erik, and feels betrayal when Erik leaves him at Hillerska. Simon quickly becomes a FP, seeing him as perfect and feeling betrayal when Simon messes up (drug dealing) and the utter despair and hopelessness when Simon needs space and starts dating Marcus; “It feels like I’m going to die” (2x04) (Could be a consequence of being utterly isolated due to being Royal and latching onto anyone who shows care to him)

Unstable / Ineffective Relationships (Simon, Kristina, Minou, and other hierarchy figures): BPD is often associated with people with the disorder lashing out against "completely innocent" people for "no reason", while this can be accurate, it does not account for the triggering of such episodes (See above)

Substance Abuse: People with BPD may utilize alcohol and/or other substances to "numb themselves" from BPD symptoms or distance themselves from harmful memories (autistic people also experience substance abuse and addiction at higher rates than the general allistic population but it is often seen as a crutch to cope with the constant stress of existing in an allistic world which is not implied in what draws W to substance use throughout the show)

ASD:

Expansion on Sensory Issues: W seemingly wears the same sweater-button up combo often, just with different sweater colors — Grey, teal, and that god-awful bright orange — ensures safe textures when buying new items but he might just have a clothing stylist with horrid taste. W's struggles with the suffocating feel of the suit (2x05). He rarely utilized the overhead lights in his room, instead relied on his string lights, lamps or natural lighting (Florescent and LED lights can trigger light sensitivity and contribute to sensory processing difficulties in autistic people)

Preoccupation with the concept of normalcy (1x01), as a kid being autistic often ostracizes you from your peers, being deemed the “weird kid” is very damaging thus W may have been enticed by the prospect attending a regular high school to like "normal people" (this concept is intrinsically tied to social class throughout the show, W wants normalcy of a lower class while Sara wants conform to a higher class but that's a different spiel). This can lead to masking; the act of forcing oneself to hide their autistic traits in order to fit into Allistic norms. (My one dispute to this interpretation is he's seemingly more disgruntled by the pomp and circumstance of being Royal that "others" him rather than peers judging him)

Lack of social cues (Not even going to waste my time explaining this one, the man had no game, absolutely none, it’s a wonder that he pulled Simon)

This far from a full list of symptoms seen in W's characterization but it's a broad overview of the signs I saw from an autistic lens. I lean towards Wille having Borderline Personality Disorder based on the fact that significant aspects of Autism Spectrum Disorder can be correlated to his unfortunate circumstance of being royalty.

#young royals #young royals analysis #prince wilhelm #wilmon #Was this entire thing inspired by a Wille / BoJack Horseman edit I saw on tiktok? Yes yes it was

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weeb-polls-with-pip · 1 year ago

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Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 5

Propaganda:

Ame -

"Typical autistic childhood – doesn't want to go to school, doesn't talk a lot, his plans for the future are just to go to live as a wolf in the forest… He's basically a werewolf and I think werewolves are often autistic coded. Actually his whole family is autistic coded."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Hibiki -

"he is canonically diagnosed with hyperacusis <3 my fav sensory issues guy (he's so relatable). also canonically pulled a bad bitch (uta) by being autistic."

Akira -

"He has a heartbreaking relationship with road racing and the memory of his dead mother, and while he is a major antagonist, he is given a lot of interesting looks into his internal logics that I personally find relatable as an autistic person. I also like how he expresses himself in unpleasant ways, but isn't always treated with disgust, its kind of refreshing."

Sang Woo -

"literally the first results on google is "sangwoo semantic error autistic." he loves routine + is extremely distressed by change in routine (contrasts w his ADHD-coded bf). very blunt/cannot read social clues which leads to some misunderstandings throughout the manhwa. he's very relatable to me as an autistic person but also as a queer man, and it's refreshing to see autistic characters being open with their sexuality/sexual life bc we're often displayed as asexual robots incapable of love (bad for lots of reasons haha). he's super cute generally and really grew on me throughout the series. definitely the best part of semantic error."

Douglas -

"Many other characters try to read into what he does and says, looking for deeper or different meanings but it's always revealed that he means exactly what he says every single time and the butt of the jokes is always the other characters for being dramatic and presumptuous, not Doug for being autistic. Also he's the mean autistic representation we deserve."

Scott -

"look at him. failboy autism. even more so than any previous version!"

Shinra -

"he's just like me forreal."

Soi -

"I mean come on, it’s Purson. He thinks he’s really good at talking to people but most of his conversations (at least at the start) are completely one sided. He just blurts out whatever he’s thinking and completely dominates the conversation (if you can call it that). I love him so much for it, I have a really hard time figuring out when I should just stop talking and let someone else have a turn and only tend to realize after he fact that I didn’t really let anyone else get a word in and feel really bad. But the way Purson communicates is never shown to be a bad thing it’s a bit awkward at times but that just how he is and the rest of the misfit class live him for it. I think I could go on all day about how wonderfully inclusive Iruma-Kun is it’s such a good series, also in my brain Balam, Kalego, Clara and Opera are on the 4 outer points of an x-y graph that represents the autism spectrum. Everyone else fills the blanks in between. His bloodline magic is ‘detection warding’ and for the first several arcs of the manga the rest of the class didn’t even know he was there."

Makoto -

"In one sentence: Katai considers the titular Komi-san a communication master. Katai looks like a brutal thug, but he's actually extremely shy. Shy enough that after missing a couple weeks of class, it takes him months to build up the confidence to go to school. Katai tries to make friends once he does go to school, but he can't hold a conversation and doesn't realize that his mumbled half-sentences and resting bastard face make it look like he's threatening people. He's also pretty bad at reading the room, which is why he interprets Komi's behavior as a communication master trying to guide him from afar rather than a kindred spirit also struggling to hold a conversation."

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eepyuii · 11 months ago

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frostbite — pt. 13

pairing ; childe x gender neutral!reader

content ; childhood friends to “rivals” to lovers, slowburn

cw ; none

notes ; april fools prank where i actually post a new chapter!!! (i actually just speedran finishing this one bc i couldn’t sleep. it’s 2:30 am :3)

anyway, more of these pining idiots (france edition)

previous | next | masterlist

“…fontaine?”

at this point, you’ve forgotten why you were even crying. your heart is still hammering in your ears from childe’s words towards you— recalling his exact wording almost makes you want to sob again, but your head is already thrumming with ache too much for that. childe explains further his reasons for wanting to go to fontaine but you can’t bring yourself to focus, still replaying what happened previously in your mind.

“i’ve been having these strange dreams and mood swings… i think they’re related to the abyss.”

now that gets your attention. the mere mention of the abyss seems to create a flash of everything in your mind, from the day he disappeared to the day he came back, to when you saw foul legacy for the first time, to when he told you about the abyss— it hits you so abruptly that you physically flinch.

“w-wait what..? why?” you ask meekly, pit forming in your stomach at what this could possibly entail.

“well… you remember the sword master i told you about, right? the one that taught me all i know— skirk was her name. at one point while i was learning under her, i asked her why she took me in at all.. and her answer was extremely cryptic. she something along the lines of ‘because i awakened it’ and that i was ‘connected’ to it.”

“…’it’?”

“hah, she never told me what it was, that enigmatic lady.” childe tries to laugh it off and lighten the sober mood, but you can still gauge that it’s really a vexing matter to him.

“but i’ve got a hunch— i think it’s a whale.”

the vivid image of his whale attack blinds you momentarily, like you can still feel the chilling breeze of its waving water anatomy as it launched upward and slammed down on the floors of the golden house. no wonder childe used it while in his foul legacy form.

“a whale… is that why it’s one of your moves?”

“perhaps, that was never my intention though. my hunch isn’t due to that attack specifically either— it’s more about what i see in my dreams. within them, i find myself in the deepest depths of the sea, not a trace of anything except seawater, and then… there it is, a colossally big whale.”

“and- and the mood swings, how do you feel?”

“i don’t know— lately there’s just these moments where my mood completely flips around and i just feel… bad, like there’s something pulling at my throat. and then the next second it goes away.”

almost as if childe’s own description affects you, as a pit forms in your stomach and a clawed grip pulls at the back of your throat. besides the glaring bad news of anything abyss related, you have a feeling that… something might genuinely go wrong. like this is a bad idea.

“a-and you’re sure you want to go to fontaine to investigate that?”

“yep, positive.”

all of this feels entirely off and you’re not willing to take any chances anymore. you’re not losing this idiot to the abyss again, even if it means jumping down there to pull him back up yourself.

“then i’ll come with you.”

the way childe’s face entirely lights up at that makes it seem as though it’s all he’s ever wanted to hear in his life. for a moment you even think you spot a reflection of the inazuman street lamps in his irises, making him seem utterly starry-eyed. as he’s about to exclaim something about how glad he is, he pauses pensively for a moment and hesitates.

“wait— we’d have to go through sumeru again… are you sure you’re okay with that?”

you nod with full certainty. “i’ll be okay, because this time i’ll be with you.”

the two of you simultaneously turn away from each other discreetly the rest of the way to the hotel, as both try to suppress the grins that creep onto your faces and the heat that rises to your cheeks.

—

the trip to fontaine is arduous and tiring.

by the time you’re on land again, you and childe bee-line for your new hotel. after a long night’s sleep, you finally get to take in the breathtaking architecture, the unimaginable technological advancements and the extravagant lifestyles of the hydro nation. it’s almost overwhelming how much there is to see. childe, simultaneously, furthers his investigation in how to battle the champion duelists— spars with some of them even. and the more he does, the more you’re confident he’s signing up to get his ass kicked if he’s looking to go for tougher champions.

today, you’re whiskered away and into a fancy café in an impromptu invitation by the knave before you can even think of choosing where to go next. once lead into a private conversation room in the café, you’re met by the sight of the knave herself and… three teenagers? childe doesn’t seem to be as taken aback by their presence as you are, perhaps he’s known of them prior to the meeting— either way he doesn’t even spare the three a glance, being far too busy trying to contain the tension in his posture upon seeing arlecchino.

you don’t blame him for that either, as the fourth harbinger is someone you’ve only heard poorly of. she was never much present in zapolyarny palace, in fact you can only recall hearing of her staying in snezhnaya at all for the fair lady’s funeral. other than that, it’s only snarls and shuddered comments from childe saying that he does not like her entirely.

alas, all conflict represents a failure in diplomacy. and she doesn’t seem like someone fun to fight.

“childe… and— sargeant y/n, is it? be very welcome to fontaine, i’m glad to see you’ve accepted my invitation for this chat. be assured this meeting is solely meant for cordial conversation, so, please, relax.”

the knave gestures for you both to sit on the loveseat facing hers— assorted sweets, steaming tea atop a table between them and a collected smile on her face. her eyes seem to hold more than just… cordiality in them, in fact her gaze has a predatory hint to it. you feel so utterly scrutinized under her stare that you almost forget the three teenagers still standing at a corner of the room.

“as you might’ve noticed, i’ve brought three of my children from the house of the hearth— lyney, lynette and freminet. i’ve brought them here in the spirit of… first contact, they’ve never met one of my fellow harbingers before.”

oh that’s right, the house of the hearth. for a moment you feel bad for those three kids, having to stand nearly unregarded at the corner like actual children at an awkward family gathering, merely because the orphanage that took them in happened to be associated with the fatui. you wonder if they’re well treated in the house— rather you hope they are, being under the wing of someone you’ve only heard be described as psychopathic.

arlecchino and childe engage in small talk, she asks about his recent comings and goings, family, work and such while he responds with cautious answers. you can tell childe is as on guard as he can be, before someone who is unpredictable even to him. meanwhile you only stare boredly into your teacup, tracing its intricate painted patterns with your fingers.

your eyes trail over to the three kids almost involuntarily and you see that they haven’t moved an inch since you’ve arrived, merely watching carefully with unreadable expressions. well, at least the tallest one of them does, you think you’ve seen his face in flamboyantly decorated posters around the city, perhaps for a spectacle in true fontainian fashion. same goes for the girl, who seems to be a cat hybrid, bears an even more unamused expression than yourself and she seems to be much more entertained in watching her own tail sway back and forth lazily. finally, the other boy is crouched down over a rounded device as he tinkers with it with a screwdriver in his hand, you can’t discern exactly what it is though.

finally, you notice that besides what you, childe and arlecchino have nibbled on, the rest of the food on the coffee table remains untouched. you don’t know what it is, but a small voice in your head tells you to walk over to them.

a few silent steps, unacknowledged by the two still chatting, and you’re standing in front of the three teens. their shoulders immediately tense at your looming stature and it’s then that you’re reminded that you’re fatui— much more fatui than any of these orphans will ever be.

“hey, uh, aren’t you guys hungry?” you whisper awkwardly.

the taller boy seems to be taken aback by the question and his previously guarded expression melts into relieved amusement.

“ah— don’t worry about us, sargeant, we’ve eaten.” he chuckles politely.

you nod, feeling a tinge of embarrassment creep at your fingertips at how simple and foolish your question seemed. your eyes scatter as you search for something else to bring up in conversation.

“o-oh um… this may seem silly to ask but— are you two part of any show? i think i’ve seen these posters on the streets with two people a lot like you.”

“why yes, i am known as the great magician lyney and my sister lynette is my assistant.” lyney presents proudly, giving you a humorous bow— a complete 180 of his demeanor before, while lynette remains stoic and merely nods to you.

you’re intrigued by the reveal. you’ve seen street ‘magicians’ both in snezhnaya and liyue, mere entertainers fooling the naked eye for petty change, but to be titled a great magician in a nation as grandiose as fontaine, it must say something about lyney.

“magician, huh? i’ll be sure to catch one of your shows sometime.” you grin.

the other boy, who through your supernatural investigative skills you determine is named freminet, remains unbothered and undistracted from his activity. you quietly crouch down to his level and watch with intrigue as he works on his device, either unaware of your presence or uncaring of it.

“hi,” you whisper in a gentle tone, grabbing the boy’s attention as he raises his head to show so, even if he doesn’t fully face you. “freminet, right? can i ask what is it that you’re working on?”

“a-ah uhm… i-it’s nothing too intricate, just fixing up my diving helmet.” freminet fidgets with the edge of his helmet— still not once making eye contact with you, rather his eyes scatter back and forth toward the ground, much in the same way you were before.

“woah, a diving helmet? i would’ve never been able to guess that’s what it was. it’s so cool looking… can you see well in it?” you gasp with wonder.

as soon as you ask, it’s once again as if the teen’s entire mood shifts, his posture becomes more relaxed and his eye light up as they finally meet your own. freminet visibly attempts to hold himself back from getting too excited.

“yes! i-i can’t see very well with the visor but… it’s the best i can get for a helmet meant to sustain such high levels of water pressure!”

“oh sweet— i’ve heard that fontaine’s waters have so much to explore… how deep can you go with it?”

“i’d say about thirty five meters. the maximum safe depth for humans is sixty, though.”

“that’s already so far! what do you usually encou-“

“y/n? we should get going.”

childe calls out faintly as he stands by the door, fond smile on his face. you say goodbye to the three, who return it parting smiles, even lynette flashes you the most microscopic grin though you didn’t directly speak to her. scurrying to formally say goodbye to arlecchino, you join childe outside the café. in such a hurry, you don’t even catch the intrigued stare of the knave towards you.

as the two of you return to touring the streets of the city, you notice childe chuckle and grin to himself as he looks away aimlessly, any of his attempts to hide it fail completely.

“what’s gotten you so giggly?” you ask amusedly.

childe has always reddened easily, perhaps it’s a trait of his redheadedness or a trait of his shy nature as a kid— just like then, his ears immediately give away his embarrassment and he can’t hope to evade explanation.

“ah well, it’s just…” he trails off, hand coming up to scratch his nape sheepishly. “i find rather amusing how good you are with kids.”

the answer surprises you and your step halts momentarily.

“w-what do you mean?”

“oh c’mon, y/n… look at how you were talking to those kids. they were so hostile and serious before and then when i looked again, there you were chatting with them and making them feel comfortable. i was surprised anyone could even be that comfortable in a room with that lunatic…” childe grimaces briefly.

“and it’s not the first time this happens. my siblings all adore you, especially teucer and tonia. she always asks about you in our letters.”

as if karmic, heat rises to your own cheeks— you’d say it’s due to the vulnerability that childe brings out with his words, but the back of your head focuses the mere fact that childe paid attention to that at all to the point where he’d smile at the thought and summons pesky butterflies to your stomach.

you’ve found that lately, most times you think about childe those butterflies are there again. you’re not an idiot, you’ve read fairy tale books, but now was the least appropriate time to indulge any further— your best friend has heard callings from the abyss again and it’s affected his well-being, get your head in the fucking game, y/n.

“s-sure but you know that’s not always been the case! don’t you remember when tonia was born? she always cried whenever i was around…” you retaliate in an attempt to dismiss your embarrassment.

childe opens his mouth to reply but his attention is caught by something else. following his gaze you spot a gathering of people and it seems to be rather more confrontational than merely social. looking further, you recognize one of the men as a representative of conferie of cabriere, a shady organization with even unclearer relations to the northland bank branch of fontaine city. while you haven’t bothered to visit the branch, childe has passingly spoken of his findings there about said organization.

you also spot an all too familiar head of blonde hair— the traveler and paimon. before you can ask anything, childe steps briskly ahead, though he does not disturb the conversation just yet and watches from the sideline.

“…that you won’t go running off by the end of this month? i want fifty percent. today. no— seventy percent.” you hear part of what the man says.

“huh?! you…” the woman in front of him exclaims incredulously.

“hey, hold on! before you go trying to collect payments, why don’t you settle your own debts first?” intervenes childe in a taunting tone.

“if confrerie of cabriere wants to poach clients from northland bank, that’s fine, but i’m afraid you still owe the bank a hefty sum of mora. so why don’t we work things out between us first before you get back to your little conversation here?”

the man visibly cowers slightly, chuckling nervously.

“ah, you’re from northland bank? but we said we’ll pay you everything we owe next month. why are you hounding me now?”

in the midst of that, paimon waves from where she and the traveler stand and it catches childe’s attention. he immediately saunters over to them with delighted surprise in his face, as if completely brushing his prior interaction off, and you take that as your que to join him.

“oh, traveler! paimon! didn’t think i’d run into you here in fontaine. what are the chances?”

“we’re surprised to see you too! what are you doing here in fontaine? didn’t want to stay in snezhnaya?”

this time you answer. “ah, we were actually in inazuma before this for a little… leisurely trip.”

at that, the traveler eyes you suspiciously and it’s very clear that both of you catch onto her meaning, as childe chuckles nervously and you fidget with your fingertips. as discreetly as you can, you shake your head at the traveler, who drops her glare with slight disappointment.

“haha! yeah, long story short, we’ve been in fontaine for some time now. and honestly— things here have been pretty mundane. but it seems that fate has brought our paths together today!”

childe throws you a delighted look as his chest puffs up proudly. his demeanor has completely changed from its mellower nature from before, like spotting a conflict to participate in has lightened his mood exponentially— painfully in-character for him. he shows to be as excited as a little kid on their birthday, in such a manner that it almost takes away the weight of the fact that he’s excited to beat the shit out of someone. you won’t anote that verbally though, you know very well he’s been craving a fight ever since you landed in fontainian grounds.

“not only will i have more good friends here now, but ones who always seem to find trouble. either way you look at it, it seems things are going to get a lot more interesting now.”

dear tsaritsa, you know him so well.

paimon chuckles nervously. “pretty sure we’d want to avoid anything you’d find interesting… besides, our trip here has gone pretty well so far, right traveler?”

the traveler shrugs. “i don’t mind a little excitement every once in a while.”

you almost reprimand her for encouraging childe’s tendencies, but instead the sound of someone clearing their throat is heard behind you.

“ahem, uh… hey you, northland bank boy. aren’t ya forgettin’ somethin’?”

“don’t interrupt— it’s not often we’re all reunited like this. why don’t you wait for me over there for a while?”

“hah, you kiddin’?! aren’t ya the one lookin’ for us? you really expect us to sit and twiddle our thumbs while you catch up with your friends?! listen to me, boy. if you want your mora, fine— why don’t you come and take it?”

oh well. rest in peace whoever this asshole was.

“hey! i said not to interrupt. oh! by the way, traveler, y/n i forgot to tell you this one too… the last time i took tonia and teucer ice fishing, teucer said—“

“HEY! that’s way over the line! alright boys, let’s see who has to pay up now!”

“ugh, can you at least let me finish one sentence? fine, though the bank told me not to get rough with our clients…”

you’re not exactly worried about the outcome of this fight, so you just continue the topic childe was interrupted from.

“you still take them ice fishing?” you ask him fondly, warm smile on your face.

childe is rolling his shoulders and stretching his arms as prep, but he still turns his head to throw you a playful wink. “‘course i do. i’ll tell you all about it after i take care of these guys.”

“alright, want me to hold your earring?” you ask teasingly.

“hah hah..” childe feigns a laugh, rather very obviously fake than convincing.

you may fake it all you want in front of other people, but there was no point in lying to yourself and saying you didn’t feel your heart stutter at that wink, it makes you like a silly teenager. the traveler and paimon almost instinctively expect you to try and hold childe back from getting himself into trouble— but when you don’t move an inch to stop him, perhaps too distracted thinking about how heavily your heart strums against your chest, they both give you a judgemental glare.

“what happened to your common sense?” paimon deadpans and you can’t bring yourself to respond.

as expected, childe single-handedly takes down the confrerie’s gaggle of goons without even breaking a sweat. soon enough, only the leader remains standing, already panting heavily and stumbling on his steps.

“what’s your deal brat..? how are you so strong if you’re just a staffer from snezhnaya’s northland bank?! …wait, don’t tell me you’re a—“

“ohoh, now you notice— s’ a little late, don’t you think? just make sure you understand that you don’t mess with northland bank, got it?”

to finish off, childe summons his dual elemental blades… or rather he tries to.

the water swirls into the silhouette of the blades, but when it means to solidify in shape— the water vanishes. you frown in bewilderment almost immediately, did he just change his mind? no, you look towards childe’s expression and see that he’s just as taken aback as you, looking down to the hydro vision at his waist that sits inactive. his opponent takes the distraction as an opportunity to strike, but much to his dismay it takes childe only a punch to knock him out instead.

seeing that all of the men have been taken down definitively, you rush over to childe’s side— you instinctively give him a once over to check for injuries or anything off. the traveler and paimon join you soon after.

“huh, that was weird…” he mutters.

“yeah… safe to say that wasn’t intentional. you okay?”

“what happened?” adds the traveler.

“i’m not… sure. it’s as if i lost control of my hydro powers when i needed them. maybe there’s something wrong with my vision?”

“strange. how could that happen? first time paimon’s ever heard of someone losing control of their vision.”

childe shakes his head dismissively and sighs. “nevermind, it doesn’t matter. if i wanna stay sharp, i shouldn’t be relying too much on my vision anyway. besides, i always have my delusion in case i need it.”

you throw him a glare. “hey, we know better than anyone that a delusion isn’t the remedy for a vision.”

“so what’re you guys actually doing in fontaine? and don’t say it’s work for northland bank…” paimon asks, in hope of changing the subject.

“well… i guess it’s because i’ve been having these bad moods lately.”

“huh? what kinda reason is that? wait, since when do you feel down about anything?”

“haha… i dunno, maybe i still have a lot to learn about myself. but recently, there seems to be some sort of restless power stirring inside of me— and i don’t know why but every now and then, i feel like i’m a in terrible mood.”

at a realization, that familiar anxious feeling returns to your chest, claws at it. it was only just recently that you felt free from it, yet your mind replays the moment where childe’s vision failed him against your will and causes that old weight on shoulders to return.

“what if… that’s why your vision did that? because of ‘it’?” you suggest meekly and childe nods thoughtfully in consideration of the possibility.

“‘it?’” paimon questions.

childe explains his story with the abyss and his swordmaster, almost verbatim to the way he told you. perhaps partially due to deja vu, you can’t bring yourself to listen intently— your mind is far too addled with fleeting and overwhelming whispers of what could happen to childe after this new development. you instinctively start to fidget with your fingers anxiously, as your eyes stare off into nothing while you’re deep in thought. your time for relaxation was dismantled so fast… like the worried thoughts were stalking you from a distance like patient predators— waiting to pounce and overtake all of your neural functions.

there’s a light tap on your shoulder.

coming to, you realize that the traveler and paimon are no longer standing in front of you and your eyes scatter to find them already taking off into the streets, waving goodbye absentmindedly. secondly, you turn to see childe looking down at you with a somber air in his eyes.

“y/n? seems like you spaced out a bit there… you alright?”

you scoff, though the scoff feels more demeaning at yourself than childe. “your powers are malfunctioning and you’re worried about me?”

he laughs. “yeah well… guess i picked that up from someone. listen— it’s fine, maybe it was just a random hiccup, we don’t know anything yet. i was going to tell you that i’ve got to go keep my appointment with the champion duelist but… speaking of my vision, here.”

a palm opens up in front of you, sapphire-esk gem neatly sitting on it.

“…you’re giving me your vision? why?” you frown.

“heh, i know i just said it could’ve been a hiccup but… it’s still not reliable, i’d hate for it to get in the way of my duel.”

as if childe senses your wholehearted reluctancy, he holds up both of your hands, puts his vision in them and closes them beneath his own.

“besides, there’s nobody in this world i’d trust more to keep it safe for me.”

he holds both of your hands there for a moment, a moment in which you realize how warm his hands are and how cold yours are. it’d be easy to say it’s due to his gloves— but he’s always been like this. you still recall how ajax would complain about your ‘subzero temperature hands’ whenever you tried to tickle him. and the irony is even funnier, for you to have received a vision that summons powers of ice and for childe to have received a vision with control over the waters… essentially the warmer version of your powers. perhaps it’s a coincidence, or perhaps a silly little play put on by the gods.

with all the time you’ve had to ponder over all of this, you realize that the two of you are still holding hands— not a falter or pull from either of you. as you’d been looking down aimlessly once again, when you look up to face childe, your gaze is already met by his. like he’d been looking at you the entire time.

at that, your arms start to tremble, seemingly causing childe to realize the reality of the situation himself. he brings a gloved hand up to cover his cheeks, pretending as if he’s scratching something on his face.

finally, he mumbles something about wishing him luck in his duel and takes off briskly.

his vision feels heavier in your hands now that his aren’t there to hold it with you.

taglist ; @kentply @osaemu @rain-and-a-nice-nap @koichirana

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yuncheoligans · 2 years ago

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Biker!Seonghwa x Nurse!Reader

Your pregnancy cravings kick in at 2am, unfortunately, your partner is part of a biker gang....and unfortunately, he loves trouble. At least you love him, and at least you can patch him back up.

warnings: Mentions of violence, blood, and slight gang-related activity. brief mentions of Self-doubt.

w/c: 2020

tags: @cromernet, @starillusion13

Masterlist

~~~~~~

This wasn’t the first time you had asked your partner to go and get you food at 2 in the morning, it certainly wasn’t going to be the last with the cravings setting in. You looked down at the swell in your stomach, much further along than comfortable, with the constant pressure on your bladder, the backache, your feet getting more swollen every day, the mood swings, the constant feeling of maybe this is a heart attack, everything feels like it’s going too slow and too fast at the same time, honestly the whole situation is overwhelming. Not to mention your partner's less-than-desired lifestyle, the danger, the fights, the injuries….sometimes it’s too much. Trying to convince him to get a van and not attach the car seat to his motorcycle, okay that was a joke he got you a brand new car with everything you could need the next day.

Yes the world sees Seonghwa as a hardened criminal in one of the most notorious biker gangs in the country, but to you, that’s your partner, soft, doting, loving, caring, sweet. That’s your Hwa, even when you call him crying because you’re scared, when you called him apologizing for even getting pregnant in the first place, when you found out you were having a girl, and when you wake him up at 2am because you can’t sleep now that your daughter has decided she wants ice cream. He’s always there to take care of you.

“Hwa I’m sorry.” you mumbled into the phone. “I should’ve gone myself.”

“Nonsense it’s just around the corner, now do you want Chocolate? Strawberry? Peanut Butter?” he smiled looking at the ice cream selection. He loves you.

“Whatever is on sale.” you pick at your fingernails sitting on the couch.

“I know your favorite is Strawberry right now does that sound good?”

“...yes.” you blushed a little. “Hwa I’m-”

“Darling, please…it’s the least I can do. I’ll be home soon.” he smiled into the phone, he can’t wait for his daughter to be here, his little princess.

Always comforting. Always just what you need. Your Seonghwa, your home. Everytime he’s there it reminds you why this isn’t so scary anymore. He’ll always be there.

-------

“H-Hwa?” your voice trembled holding the phone up to your ear. It wasn’t possible you were careful, you were just feeling a little ill and Seonghwa wanted you to see the doctor.

“Darling? What’s wrong? Did everything at the doctors go ok?” he questioned worry lacing his voice.

“I-I’m so sorry!” the tears began streaming down your face. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been more careful I’m sorry!”

“Hey hey baby please, you’re scaring me, what could possibly be wrong? Are you ok?”

“I….I-I’m pregnant.” you whispered in the phone, sobs beginning to bubble up in your throat. “I understand if…” you want to leave…. He was in a biker gang, he couldn’t possibly want a baby….Just then he let out the most enthusiastic yell he’s ever felt come out of his mouth.

“We’re having a baby?!” you could hear the smile through the phone. “You and me? A baby?”

“Hwa?”

“Where are you? I’ll come get you! Stay right there I’ll….Appa is on his way!” he smiled and held the phone tighter.

When he got to you it was like your world froze, he ran up to you and spun you around.

“You’re happy?” you looked at him as he held your face.

“If you think for one second I had no intentions of keeping you forever you are mistaken. In fact I’d say just plain wrong. A baby….our baby.” he smiled and moved one of his hands to your hip and then just in front to your stomach.

----------

Here you were….sitting on the couch crying again over remembering how excited he was to learn of the pregnancy, a surprise for sure but now…a much welcomed surprise. Sure you had doubts and fears, would you be a good parent, would your daughter even like you….would Seonghwa still love you? He proves the last one every day, never complaining once about having to help or that you’re asking too much. You’ve seen him on the streets, he’s harsh, angry, mean…but that’s not the same Seonghwa that’s not the same dork who comes home and wraps his arms around you and hums into your ear, that’s your Seonghwa, that’s your home. Seonghwa sure is taking a long time to get home…Let me try his phone again.

--------------

“And just what is one of the Chili Peppers doing here?” a voice sounded behind Seonghwa as he hung up the phone holding two containers of Ice Cream.

“I should be asking what a member of the Wolfgang is doing here, since this is Pepper territory after all.” Seonghwa turned seeing their main rival. “Hello, Minho.”

“Seonghwa.” he nodded. “Ice Cream? At 2am?”

“Could be asking why you’re here as well.”

“Oh you know the wife and the cats….all very needy especially with a little one on the way.” he smiled before taking the bag from the cashier.

“Oh congratulations, I’ll have to send a gift.” Seonghwa smiled bagging his items up.

“Depends is it going to be like the birthday present you sent 4 years ago?” he held up the side of his shirt revealing a scar.

“Not with a little one on the way, I was thinking more like a breathable blanket, in case they put it over their head so they don’t hurt themselves.” he smiles thinking about what you told him.

“And the Ice Cream?” Minho raised an eyebrow.

“Craving. Sometimes I just get hungry.” he wasn’t about to reveal that he wasn’t single, let alone you were 7 months pregnant with his child.

“I am sorry I have to do this….just business.” Minho shrugged.

“Well hopefully the Ice Cream doesn’t melt before this is over then.” Seonghwa dropped the bag as they stepped into the nearby alleyway. Don’t worry, he’ll be home soon.

-------

“And why didn’t you answer your phone, I’ve been worried sick sinc-” you berated him walking through the front door, stopping upon seeing his condition. “Seonghwa!” you waddled over quickly seeing the blood on his face.

“Don’t move too fast.” you both said to each other as you pulled him to the bathroom and told him to sit on the counter.

“Darling I’m okay.” he held your hand as you held a worried expression on your face cleaning him up.

“You’re bleeding.” you stated.

“You should see the other guy.” he chuckled.

“Did you??”

“No it was Minho. He’s probably going to be feeling that for a while.” he winced when I applied alcohol to the wound on his forehead.

You sighed. “His wife is going to make sure he feels it for the rest of his life. They’re a perfect match honestly.”

“Oh you two have met?”

“Oh yes we see the same prenatal doctor, told me her husband was in a biker gang and is reckless, likes to fight this one a lot, always gets injured…I told her it was relatable.” I gave him a pointed look.

“Except I usually win.”

“I wouldn’t call this winning.”

“Reminds me of how we met.” he has a dreamy smile on his face.

“Oh you mean when you barged into the clinic I work at bleeding out onto the floor?”

“Ah you remember it too beautiful.” he takes my hand in his.

-------------

“H-Help.” came from the unkempt looking man. He put his arms on the desk blood hitting the papers. “I-I think I was stabbed.”

“Y/n!” the front desk attendant called over and in rushed who he would describe as an angel, the most perfect person he’s ever seen….why does she look so worried for him….why are the corners of his vision going dark.

He faints.

When he wakes again his in an all too bright room in a lumpy bed with IVs and monitors hooked up to him.

“Morning sleeyhead.” came a voice from beside him “You’ve been out for three days due to blood loss…don’t worry you should make a fine recovery.” she looked at him. Wow. even more beautiful up close. “I have to change your bandages so try to sit still for me.”

“S-Sure.”

“Do you have a name or should we keep calling you John Doe?” she got out the gauze and everything needed to clean the wound.

“S-Seonghwa. My name is Seonghwa.”

“Well Seonghwa, due to your great observation skills you were in fact stabbed. Luckily it was a mindless blow nothing more than a big bleeding wound.” she looked up at him. “I’m your nurse, and the one who stitched you up, y/n.”

“y/n.” he liked the way it felt on his tongue, liked the way it sounded hitting his ears. He enjoyed your sarcasm and the slight smile you gave him, he enjoyed the scent of you perfume hitting his nose. “Thank you.”

“Kinda my job.” she smiled up at him.

-----------

“You changed you shampoo scent since we first met.” he looked at me cupping my cheek.

“A lot of things have changed since we first met, I think the biggest one is between us.”

“I love the snark you have.”

“Hopefully you’ll get a double dose here soon.” I finished cleaning small cuts and putting bruise cream on him. “Hopefully one of these days I’ll ask you to go get Ice Cream and you won’t get into a fight before coming back.”

“He did start it.”

“I know love.” I kissed his cheek.

I went to open the ice cream now that my partner was home and bandaged up.

“Well what do you know.” he chuckled holding me from behind. “I guess I did run a little late.”

“You think?” I looked at the soup of strawberry ice cream leaking out of the container into the bag.

“Here, you can still drink it…and I’ll hold you while you do.” he ushered us over to the couch with a straw and laid me down with him as he held the bump that was his daughter and I sat there drinking what was my Ice Cream.

Yeah this is my Seonghwa….My Home.

Bonus!

“And here comes the Strawberry for my angel Junghwa.” he smiled holding up the mashed strawberries on the spoon for the giggling child.

“Appa!” she smiled and threw her arms up at the fruit on the spoon blubbering and other noises coming out.

“Did you….did you just say Appa?” Seonghwa had tears gather in his eyes. “y/n!”

You ran into the room thinking there was an injury of some sort. How could there be the apartment was completely baby proof, she barely got a scratch running into anything and if she did Seonghwa was there to call for you and act like she was dying.

“She said…she…she said,..”

“Appa!” the girl chimed in again laughing at his shocked expression. “Appa-pa-pa-pa.”

“Oh sure I carry her for 8 and a half months, and you feed her strawberries and she says dad first.” I chuckled and held him as he cried tears of joy being his sweet princess’s first word.

“I love you so much princess.” Seonghwa picked up the smiling girl and kissed her face as tears fell down it. “Take that Minho….my daughter is smarter than your son, already talking. And you look just like your eomma, beautiful and smart, the whole package.” he gleams.

“Ok finish feeding her Appa, then its nap time.”

“Appa.” she says again making him smile over and over hearing his daughter talk to him.

After she ate and was put down to nap we finally got our alone time, no rushing out to go to work or do any dangerous activities like get Ice Cream. I finally got to sit there in the presence of my now fiancee.

“I love you y/n. Thank you so much for Junghwa.” he kissed my temple.

“I love you too Hwa.” I smiled and he snaked his hand around my front, holding me so preciously.

“Let’s have another.” he smiles.

#cromernet #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #seonghwa x you #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa imagines #park seonghwa #networks

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likesomanywrecksdo · 9 months ago

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blitzø + moon symbolism

okay so the music video "Just Look My Way" takes place in Stolas' space-esque personal chamber somewhere in his castle. The music video repeatedly relate Stolas' feelings towards Blitzø with the moon. During the line "let me hold you, keep you close to me, i long to hear your voice" Stolas is seen trying his best to keep the tiny moon in his hands and preventing it from floating away. Again in the line "the walls you've conjured up to live" the moon rotates and we can see Blitzø stuck inside the black space or "dark side of the moon".

the moon symbolism can mean many things in regards to how Stolas feels about Blitzø.

Firstly, it could be a manifestation of how Stolas is always drawn back to those "dazzling moonlit nights", how he constantly tries to grasp for good moments within their time together (the only ones he can find being the full moon meetings) and so he relates Blitzø and the full moon "rendez-vous" directly as a way of coping with their less than ideal experiences outside of that structured and guaranteed time spent alone tgt.

Secondly, it could be a way of showing how Blitzø acts/how stolas views him. As per astrology, the moon is romance, pleasant nights (tying back to my previous points), intense moments, loneliness and mood swings. The last three are a pretty accurate depiction of how Blitzø acts around Stolas. He's hot-headed, closed-off and Stolitz is very much prone to intense moments on both sides, so it's possible Stolas made that connection, believing that holding the moon is the closest he can currently get to holding Blitzø.

Finally, the last image (above) shows Blitzø with his head buried in his legs trapped inside the "dark side of the moon". This could symbolise how Stolas sees this dark and isolated version of Blitzø but also sees the potential for him to open up, be romantic and love Stolas.

the apology tour switch up

In Stolas' apology tour emotional ballad, the two frames above appear (i'm guessing bc the outfit is literally the exactly same as him singing onstage wth Verosika + Tex, the cute ass choker and all). Now there is a change in the background between the moon and the sun, which is a huge switch-up from "Just Look My Way". The significance of which is also very multifaceted.

Stolas could be expressing how he wants more from Blitzø, finally expressing his feelings instead of constantly worrying about how Blitzø will feel. This is probably bc Stolas fears the relationship is over while this open communication and validation that Stolas wants more than just sex is exactly what Blitzø wanted from the start. Additionally, the second frame coul be referencing how in "Just Look My Way", Stolas says "i don't care that your of lower station" and that he wants to be seen with him and be loved by him everywhere. He's tired of keeping it a secret but also has a lot of things to lose if he does.

Secondly, the sun, in astrology, is seen to represent one's sense of self and individuality. This could hint to Stolas having his whole awakening and a whole new idea of who he is because Blitzø came into his life. Because of Blitzø, he's found out so many more things about himself and is capable of doing what is doing (divorcing Stella, giving up Blitzø, the one slightly good thing he's ever had) all because Blitzø showed him how to be free ("showed me this world was bigger than us, then sent me back where i came from'" -Down Bad" by Taylor Swift).

Finally, the switch-up from moon to sun from Blitzø's pov could be a way of showing how his feelings for stolas have changed. This song is the obvious turning point of the Stolitz ship, where Blitzø isn't in denial anymore and knows he's in love with Stolas. As discussed before, the sun represents self-image and in some cases self-esteem. Considering confession of any kind of emotions are not Blitzø strong suit and don't have a huge effect on him (don't evoke much a huge outward response from him). This revelation hitting him so fast would be a huge self-awakening for him as he has not let himself love anyone for a long time.

In conclusion, Stolitz is sun x moon and nobody can convince me otherwise.

#I LOVE SYMBOLISM IN HELLUVA BOSS #it drives me insane #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss stolitz #helluva boss apology tour #helluva blitzo #helluva boss full moon

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bpdetrimental · 6 months ago

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yo idk if your chill w/ questions about bpd n shit but uhm

whats the difference between BPD n Borderline again? I think I have the one where its like weekly n not daily, but im still very unsure if thats a thing (did hear it from one of my friends) and am obviously still researching

just trying to learn n stuff yk, mb if this is too informal or something

Hello, my friend! Thank you for reaching out :) sorry this is a bit long, but I really want to help you out!

Although I am not an expert in any sort of sense, I do like to do research to help and understand others with mental illnesses. I hope this may be able to help you understand a few of the key differences of the two to help you along your journey!

Bpd (borderline personality disorder) is more of the kind where you feel intense mood swings depending on many different variables. Here is a definition I have found to help define it in short

“Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, as well as impulsiveness and an unhealthy way of seeing themselves. Impulsiveness involves having extreme emotions and acting or doing things without thinking about them first.”

Here is a link to read up on it if you’re interested!

This article really helps you get a grasp of some of the key concepts, causes, risk factors, etc.

There is also the criteria you have to meet to be diagnosed with Borderline, for which you need to meet at least 5 of 9 of them to be diagnosed.

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

Unfortunate, right? Well, there are also subtypes of the disorder, which make it very difficult to get a proper diagnosis as well.

1. Impulsive

2. Discouraged

3. Self-Destructive

4. Petulant

Here’s a link to an article that may help to learn about them as well!

Link: https://www.verywellhealth.com/types-of-bpd-5193843

Now onto BP (Bipolar Disorder)

Here is a definition I have found and I will provide the link, which includes the definitions for the differing diagnoses and questions and answers regarding the disorder.

“Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels, and concentration. These shifts can make it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks.”

Link: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder

Of course, there are similarities between the disorders, but key differences as well! Things like mood changes, suicidal behavior and harmful behavior, are things both have in common, whereas a key difference is the rate at which the moods change. For example, a Bipolars mood may last distinct periods of time (maybe weeks or more), while a Borderlines moods may change rapidly within the course of a few minutes.

Here’s an article of the similarities and differences of the two!

Link: https://www.healthline.com/health/your-faqs-answered-bipolar-disorder-vs-borderline-personality-disorder

Of course, as I have said, I am by no means a professional! I encourage you to do your own research (you know yourself best) to see if either of them resonates with how you’re feeling! This way, you are able to get a diagnoses and some help!

Either way, you need to know you are not broken, and still are deserving of love. People with personality disorders have suffered a lot, and yet we are still stigmatized and hated by some. Nonetheless, I have learned that the community here on tumblr (and others out there!) are more than welcoming and accepting. There is always help out there!

And if anybody with BP or BPD has anything else to add, or would like to correct me on anything please let me know or comment! We are all here to help each other <3

#actually bpd #bpd #bpd culture is #bpd feels #bpd safe #bpd vent #bpd problems #bpd thoughts #cluster b #bipolar #bp #bipolar personality disorder #bipolar personality

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pup-pee · 1 month ago

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VENT POST

i just started typing & i accidentally worte an essay

dont click read more if ur not ready 2 scroll or if u dont want 2 read some random persons thoughts

whenever my mother has a manic or depressive episode every1 looks 2 me 2 help her

bc 4 sone reason im ghe only 1 who understands??? but slso fucking like i dont want 2 i e been trying 2 help her w/various shit since i was born man like literally y do I have 2 help when shes drunk, or hallucinating, or angry, weeping, bored, delusional ect ect

like y me mannn

i wouldnt mind hanging around her if she wasnt a huge source of trauma 4 me god damn

like the problem is i dont mind bing around her its just she has the biggest victim complex & i cannot bare 2 b tricked in2 apologizing 2 her again & again & again & reliving moments that hurt me so i can explain y her actions were not just another tuesday & then she just brushes it off or resays the original statement so i try 2 resay what i said

or when i try 2 calm her down so i let her hold me & sob & i am so uncomfortable bc i dont like bing held by her & she grips my hand & squeezes me when hugging & its like man i dont want 2 deal w/this pls

but when any1 else tries 2 b around her they just make her worse?? make her more upset angry fucking they just trigger her off 4 some reason & she cant b around family or friends bc they just feed in2 her delusions & make them more real 4 her SO IG THATS Y IM THE 1 WHO HAS 2 DO EVERYTHING

4 SOME FUCKING REASON im the 1 ppl listen 2 but then on a dime they will just go “oh but ur the toungest ur not an adult u dont understand it doesnt work that way!” IVE LIVED W/THIS WOMEN MY ENTIRE LIFE I THINK I UNDERSTAND HER BETTER THAN WHEN U KNEW HER AS A CHILD. SHES A FUCKING ADULT TREAT HER LIKE 1

TREAT ME LIKE 1 I GUESS BC U WOULDNT HELP ME AS A KID

dude holy fucking balls im so annoyed bc i cant do anything im just thinking about what ive been doing this week & god damn i h8 the holidays

i want so badly 4 ppl 2 listen & understand me but the bias just DOESNT LET THEM IT DOESNT & IT SUCKS IT SUCKS SO MUCH

bc i can understand what my mother is going through. the mood swings the paranoid/intrusive thoughts the sudden depression BC REAL ME 2 GIRLIE

whcih sidenote my mother told me she was suppossed 2 get diagnosed when she was younger but didnt bc the walk 2 the therapists office each time was way 2 much & just like goddamn that sucks ass. bc imagine if she was able 2 cope better instead of alcohol & cigs & impulse buying all the useless shit

anyways mayb thats y my mother is able 2 stand me more than the others. bc i can relate. which also makes me more easy 2 manipulate but i think ive gotten better @ standing my ground? i hope. man.

mayb i shoukd like talk 2 a therapist bc i want 2 tak about these things but everytime i went 2 a therpist((multiple)) it was always “oh it seems u have it all figured out”

did i get cps called or alerted from me multiple times then got scared in2 talking further in2 it? maybe

but literally cps does jack shit

dude the cops came 2 my house bc my mothers dramatic & she wouldnt let me talk 2 them ((bc i was a minor @ the time)) & they jsut went “ah yes normal behavior.” she drunkenly told them wrong information about our family like that i had a sister? do not. she tried 2 she them the injuries that my dad gave her ((she had none)) & then just refused 2 let me b alone. & oh holy fucking shit. when the reaosn was “well its 2 hot!” i said “they can come inside” she said no

then it was bc i was a minor which doesnt matter bc law

like i had 2 shove her back inside dude it was awful

then when i opened the door she was like right there oacing around like i can not i cant

she did get held 4 that night bc they took it that she was the main disturbance & HOLY SHIT THAT WAS 1 OF THE MOST OEACEFUL NIGHTS IN A WHILE

but ohhh my god she has not let that shit go 2 this day

“they arrested me 4 no reason!” “do yk how AWDUL it is in jail? ofc u dont!” “they had 2 search me!! it was so violating”“ur father LIED 2 them 2 get me.” “those police were lazy & racist” ((i mean ur not weong but also ur not right in that moment)) “yk who had 2 pick me up bc ur father wouldnt? yeah so & so” LIKE YES I GET IT U HAD 2 SPEND 5 HRS IN WHERE EVER U WERE

ohhh my god listen i can understand how treatment can b traumatic but HOLY SHIT the thing that bugs me is how she doesnt realize SHE PUT HERSELF IN THERE

she called the cops of my father then got arrested like girl PLS

she dismisses everything based on those reasons then used them against us

OHH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED she tried 2 tell a friends parent who we ran in2 about all of this & i had 2 pull her away like do u know how embarrassing that is? i was trying on the fly 2 correct her BC I DIDNT NEED ANOTHER OUTSIDE INFLUENCE FEEDING IN2 MY MOTHERS VERSION OF EVENTS

im so fucking tired man. & then my father tries 2 defend her & its like my good sir u r the victim but also u neglectful asshole take care of urself the way u never took care of my brother or i

like hes fucked up but hes not a terrible person. outside of the transphobia, racism & other things that i think hea grown past? listen he used 2 b way more homophobic but like my mother helped him w/that shit

but oh my god dude i remneber coming out 2 my family in 8th grade & he went 2 his lesbian friend talking abiut me bing trans which. rude honestly. i wouldve rather him ask me questions not some girlie i never heard of. & holy shit she fed him the worst advice. “when i was younger i thought i shouldve been a boy when i was just gay” GIRL STFU IM SRRY I WENT THROUGH THAT BUT U R NOT ME

she made him so much more surr of himself then he shouldve been & im still struggling 2 explain shit 2 him

dude hes oit here talking about trans women in sports when i dont even play sports like hhhh

my mother has this friend who is like a professor 4 brain shit & shes a proud supporter of lgbtq+ everything

& like shes been wonderful. she supports me even if im 2 scarex 2 say stuff 2 her or cant text her bc i dont have her number angmkre & i dont want 2 intrude on her life

but its the way none of my parents believed her or took her advice on anything

shes my fairy godmother man like they will trust her w/my life if they got died gone but they cant take her advice w/something she literally has a degree in

& it SUCKS bc she believed in my mothers words about my father abusing her WHICH IM JUST SO FRUSTRATED ABOIT

i havent been able 2 talk 2 her bc of it man it sucks… also bc i dont have her number anymore haha lol lol ahaha hhh

& dude its like mutual abuse. my fathers a lot easier 2 b around than my mother most of the time but it flips so easily.

they both r just elly hard ppl 2 b around

i think i takw back that precious statement. theyre both rlly hard 2 b around

explainign the concept of racism 2 my dad is so difficult. bc he cant understand y asian like no-no words r hurtful bc he has an asian wife BUT THE MOMENT U BEING UP THE N WORD HE JSUT CANT WAIT 2 SAY IT 2 PROVE ME WRONG

LIKE DO U NOT UNDERSTAND THE SHIT UR SAYING

& HE JUST WANTS 2 TURN EVERYTHING IN2 A DEBATE ITS SOOO TIRING

like @ least my mother wants 2 hear me talk about my interests instead of telling me 2 shut up

like ik she guilt trips me but @ least she actually likes my company i think

idk man

i just want 2 have a relationship w/them but its so hard & i feel like giving up

my brother basically alr has but he has like, friends n shit dhjdksk

i dont rlly have other ppl like that((mainly my own fault im a pussy)) & it sucks bc i love ppl & man y do i have 2 have a brain that h8s me as much as my parents do

i just want 2 exist in my body & like laugh & smile & eat food a normal amount y is it so hard

y is it so hard 2 just talk 2 some1 when thats all i want 2 do it sucks

but 2mr is another day these feelings will pass & hopefully i will get better or some shit even if ive only been getting worse

this headache is making me reflect on my life man

got me cryinf & shit

god & i just keep thinking about laying in the hospital bed & the nurse telling me not 2 kill myself & her sharing a story about her brother & how he tried but lived & how hos attempt was much worse than mine & now i cant help but compare everything i do or think bc theres always some1 off worse than me stfu

like i will not attempt again ((until??)) @ least donald fucking trump is dead bc i will live off my spite 4 him

but oh my god i hope i can fix myself b4 then

mayb ill just keep setting goals of ppl i need 2 outlive bc @ least im better than them nomatter how much i suck

like jk rowling

is that how u spell her name i dont give a shit. but like i should just keep doing that? idrc how dark it is i just know ppl dont eant me 2 die even if i want 2 so ig ill do it 4 them

oh i just remmebered bing in the hospital bed & my mother yelling @ me then running out XDD im not ok dude that moment sucked that hurt so much & no1 even asked if i was ok mannn like ok let me dissociate on the bed while watching history channel whatever ancient aliens? ok let me just giggle @ this

YK WHAT SUCKED

Omg i couldnt sleep every in both the hospital & the pych ward bc i cant sleep if ppl r watching me

like if some1s looking @ me my body wakes up bc of just this fear instilled in me i suppose?

i think it happened bc of my parents

a mixture of bing forced 2 sleep in their bed & also my mother taken numerous pictures of my father ((& by consequence me)) 2 use as ammo agaisnt him

“oh he sleeps so much” “he snores os loud” “hes passed out drunk” like girl u have over a 1000 pictures of my dad just sleeping calm tf down

anyways i cant sleep if some1s looking loke the moment some1 opens my door i shoot up. which was useful when school tbh but i couldnt sleep @ ALLLL during the hospital bc theres a nurse there 24/7 & in the ward i got a roomm8 yk & the door checks

like ughhhhh i dont sleep well or long anyways unless i dont sleep 4 a while then my body knocks me out((which is what happens/ed)) but holy mollyyyy

i think existing in this world would b a lot better if i didnt confine myself 2 this house. if i like, got out yk? if i left it all bhind

which goddamn i tried like me running away was not a joke idk how ppl took it as that but whatever im so tired of just existing in here

like althoguh im in my safe cave((my room)) im always terrified of the next knock on my door or attempt of conversation

srsly if u want 2 talk or hang out w/me dont complain that i dont shut up u signed up 4 this shit U WANTED 2 HANG OIT W/ME

do u want me here or do u just want this idea of me 2 b here?? i cannot get over it. which fine if its a “i want 2 hear what were watching” situation but 1. subtitles. but fine fine i get it u dont like those so ill shut up or just leave

but dont complain when i leave

& WORSE

DONT B A HYPOCRITE & YAP MORE THAN I DO

watching fightclub was a NIGHTMARE bing told 2 b quite then hearing them talk 2 eqchother ot try 2 talk 2 me then when i would try 2 start a conversation it was like “oh mo we got 2 pause the show bc THIS is goinf 2 go on & on”

like ok goddamn ill shut up ig

i mean @ least when my brother watches stuff w/me ((which is not often)) he KNOWS ill talk. which is y he doesnt watch stuff w/me!! & thats fine!! WE HANG OUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS. like when he asked me 2 stick around during an oil change or when i talk 2 him when hes making food 4 himself like IS IT THAT HARD??

my brother is not a shining example of some1 who completely understand or is purely good. i mean in the car he will constantly say “jokes” calling ppl a slur then bing like “but yk i dont mean that in a bad way” like ok man whatever u grew up w/ny father i understand y u say this

i asked 1nce what the joke was & i think he like actually stuttered. like his brain had 2 load in a response bc it was just “what was the punchline?” “a joke doesnt have 2 have a punchline” “not rlly but most jokes r jokes 4 a reason. so what was the funny bit about that?” “it was just funny” like i dont think thats how it worksss

sigh but @ least their better than my fathers jokes. & my mother oh my god. her humor is literally “haha gangers wear their pants so low u can see their underwear”

& OHH MY GOD when my father tries 2 say we have the same humor

no sir we do fucking not shut the hell up. ive laughed @ 1 joke hes ever said in his entire life istg

he constantly turns 2 me & goes “how r u not laughing this is hilarious!” ITS BC WE DONT HAVE THE SAME SENSE OF HUMOR IVE BEEN TELLING U THIS

or mayb none of them r funny bc i can make them laugh but they cant make me laugh & its getting me rlly insecure

& oh my god if some1 makes 1 more fatphobic ass comment im going 2 send them 2 the time out corner I CANNOT

got in an argument about societies influence on whats “right or weong” & beauty standards came up. yk bc fatness doesnt equal beautiful or some shit like ok whatever i think theyre hot af but surr push ur views on2 me

like DUUDDEEEE trying 2 explain that sexiness is a person fucking opinion & not a fact just goes over EVERY1S HEAD

like hi. im trying 2 explain a concept & trying 2 b patient bc im basically destroying how uve lived ur entire life but pls listen 2 meee

4 some reason my family love 2 compare me & themselves 2 eachother & im so tired of that

i am not like u i dont want 2 b like u bc u make me so depressed i want 2 hurt myself 4 bing aeound u

when my brother compares me 2 our parents its in an effort 2 “change myself 4 the better” but i dont think this criticism actually helps me. it just makes me feel more like shit bc now i feel like im the person that hurt me so i hurt others & UGHHH its awful

my mother has compared me 2 my father in order 2 try 2 get me on her side. things like “thats what ur father would say.” “ur father thinks the same way” ect ect along those lines & its stupid & annoying & i h8 it

MY FATHER THO IS THE WORSSTTT 1 OF THEM ALL

he compared me 2 himself when its a positive trait & my mother when its a negative trait

“oh i 4got ur phone in the kitchen? haha u got that from me” “u 4got what day it is? u r ur mothers child”

“see ur smart & dont care about others opinions. u remind me of myself” “ur so sensitive like ur mother.”

“reading books & preferring physical materials? loving the library? u r my.. daug-child” “creativity? yeah thats ur mothers side of u”

“i like that we can talk about hard hitting questions during shows that dint distract us & let us dig deeper in2 whatever or smth.” “u talk so much. just like ur mother”

LIKE UGHHHH

ive only “rlly got 2 know him” in the oast 2 yrs bc b4 that he was rlly uhmm… absent? not gone but i just. idk he was much more of an alcoholic & seemed 2 care more about work then me

apparently thr thing that snapped him out of that mindset was when i told him i didnt have many memories of him

which

i dont

bc i just dont. unless its him bing drunk n shit & arguing/fighting like isk what 2 tell u

& OHHH my god im still confused about this memory i have bc 2 me ifs as fresh as daisies but my mother told me smth about thag night that i dont remmeber

in trying 2 incriminate my father she said smth WILDLY uncomfortable & now i have no idea if its true or not bc im sure its jot but what if it was & holy mother of jesus that scares me

bc i dont trust her but i want 2 & ik she cares about me but what if shes just trying 2 get me on her side BUT WHAT IF ITS TRUE.

that night was scary enough i dont need 2 think sbout it more mannn

ugh i h8 family vacations

like just any family outting. we got a flat tire bc father wouldnt listen when we daid “hey dont drive on sharp rocks” & then every1 got pissed @ eachothrr & then @ ME WHEN I TRIED 2 B OPTIMISTIC. then when waiting 4 a pick up 2 help us they got blasted drunk & my dad started hitting me in the fucking truck & when we got bsck 2 town my brother picked only ME up bc he doesnt care 4 my parents & he said i was the victim in that? sure whatever

but when my parents came home they started a fucking fight w/them while ienas in the shower so i got out & started 2 record the aufio bc i coudlnt rlly,,, like get out? my father threatening 2 fight my brother pushing him in2 corners forcing him out the soor my mother “trying” 2 make “them” stop but just making it worse bc again. victim complex she needs 2 b in the middle of eveything

& my brother just wanted 2 help me i feel so so so bad

the time when we were out of state bc my brother was moving away((has since been manipulated back yay go mother)) & my father fucking left my mother & i there. took the car & just drove back home. it wasnt the worst we had a hotel room & had a car but it still sucked.

we didnt have many vacations when i was younger bc my father was always working so my mother would take us places & honestly it was better bc she would always put on a persona like how she does when she works yk?

bit when my father would join 4 things like birthdays it always ended up in drunk fights & threats. even if we were bringing friends w/us on trips 2((not the birthday 1s))

there r times when my mother has gotten oanic attacks in the car from the way my father drives & i get like 2nd hand panic from that bc, ofc i do. & my father just gets pissed off @ her?? also my mother & i get vry motion sick so the way he drives also triggers that like crazy. but he gets upset when we mention it or constantly tell him 2 calm down bc if he doesnt stop switching lanes & taking sharp turn 1 or both of us will b throwing up.

& its usally me saying it bc im the only 1 who has the fucking balls apparently bc I DONT WANT 2 PUKE. & my mother cries so easily from him but she also abuses him & UGHHH ITS SO ANNOYINGLY COMPLICATIED

oh its also awful when my mother drives tho bc she drives drunk if were hanging out. like only if its me & her & omg i let her get away w/it way 2 much.

trying 2 convince her 2 pull over bc shes having a panic attack while shes drunk is not fun. on the interstate. its not fun.

like thats not all its just oh so tiring mann ughh woe is me i suppose

theres many times also when my father will just abandon 1 of us on the street. like ONLY if its only 1 of us in the car tho bc if theres another person they would prolly protest

ive been l8 2 school((& lost)) multiple times & man i got so many detentions bc i just couldnt wake him up which fair on that but god god god fucking damnit

just the power move of trying 2 get the other person 2 shut up bc ur having an argument by threatening 2 leave them on the side of the road or 2 not drive them somewhere or not pick them up is smth my dad consistently does 2 this day. not 2 me much anymore bc ive “learned my lesson” & i can usually talk my way out of it but he did do it 2 my mother like 2 weeks ago bc of such dumb reasons

it was so frustrating trying 2 express myself about trans shit & then getting like told he would force me out if i kept getting upset @ him so i just shut up about anything gender related until i was 18 bc that was the rule

& its useless bc i dont even have a say 4 myself still so who gives a shit i h8 everyhting it makes me so sad like y did i just let myself do that? y did i let myself intentionally get hrut?? bc i was scared?? i fucking guess. bc i wanted 2 prove myself? i had false hope. like its so frustrating

its apparently normal 4 families 2 fight but i dont like it. “ofc u would prefer ur friend u dont fight” like i think thats how its supposed 2 work?

then getting told “oh thats just how our family is. no1 would get us were unique were not like the other sheep families” like FUCK THAT i want 2 eat DINNER W/U

shout out 2 never eating dinner 2gether so when i did @ friends places i was scared & awkward

haha. fun. shout out 2 explaining im scared of helling but telling my friend im not when they do it then them telling me “thats not normal” i said yeah it is

i think about that a lot. bc i think thats when i rlly started 2 realize how not normal my family is. back in like elementary school.

my brother telling us his friends dont like them((our parents)) bc theyve been scared of them. like huh. when u dont grow up in a toxic environment ur able 2 tell when somethings toxic! go figure

& its rlly frustrating bc IK my parents r not inherently bad ppl. they care 4 us in their own fucked up way. they tried their best. they want the best 4 us & vowed 2 not let us grow up like them.

which, in a roundabout way actually did make is grow up like them but in like a different font.

my father has talked about not wanting us 2 b afraid of him bc he was afraid of his dad bc he would beat his ass. he didnt want us 2 worry about money.

but in a weird way that like, did make me incredibly afraid of him.

bc he worked all the time 2 get money, he was stressing himself out((& it wasnt just 4 my brother & i it was also bc my mother was pressuring tf iut of him & berating him about it)) but BC he was always working i never saw him. so when i did see him he was tired but he has insomnia & cant sleep 4 shit so he would drink 2 go 2 sleep

but he would drink a lot

but the drinking made him drunk of fucking course so he would argue w/mother & so eventually all i came 2 know him as was some1 who only yelled & fought

& that makes me scared of him.

hes forceful. hes self righteous. hes aggressive & if u dont think of him as right he will make u.

& he still is all of these things its just toned down bc hes stopped drinking as much. which has raised more probelms but i cannot b bothered 2 type them out hell no

but hes often told me that he fucked up more than his father. bc of the memory thing yk? when i told him i rlly dont have any good memories of him he broke down bc while he was scared of his dad, he still loved him & admired him. he had memories of his dad teaching him 2 fish & things like that

& i can tell hes improved as a dad i think. i mean im trying 2 b more supportive about it then my brother

giving him space when he finally gets sleep like,,, normal etiquette & also letting him vent 2 me or ask me uncomfortable questions. i try 2 answer them so he understands yk

i also try 2 push him 2 think himself tho bc he rlly just cant think outside of his bubble. like its extremely annoying. he will talk about how smart he is then say how the media is all liberal so he watches fox news 2 combat that like i get it i just want ppl 2 approve ur fucked up world view holy shit

but i can see him realizing like, what it is not 2 b such a hard person bc when i hugged him when he came back from a trip, he like, remembered

he was tired((3 days no sleep)) & just drove back but when he came home i gave him a hug bc idk, im a physical affection person & it kills me 2 b uncomfortable w/affection so ive been working on that. but also it just looked like he needed it

but he told me the next day about how much it meant 2 him so mayb hell understand?? sonething?? that i dont h8 him exactly,,, i think. but that i treat him the way i do bc of how hes treated me? & when hes less of a shit bag im less allergic 2 him?

idk that feels like how my mother treats him which puts a fowl taste in my mouth but i swear on my life its different. like i swear im not trying 2 manipulate him in2 doing what i want

which he seems 2 think i do try 2 do that? mostly in ways like of trying 2 make him think differently

which i will not deny. i would rather him not b transphobic & racist & whatever but hotdog its hard

this seems 2 b a common trait among all my family tho. when i try 2 explain a concept & then them telling me i got brainwashed by the media?? like mayb but also im not a h8ful person just bc of some1 existing so i think thats alright

its like the 1 point i can talk w/my mother tho. like its the only time she will listen. ALSO WHEN MY BROTHER SAID HE UNDERSTOOD THEY/THEM PRONLUNS?!?!? HOLY SHIT!!! i mean i dont use them BUT THE FACT HE ACKNOWLEDGES THEM MAKES ME SO HAPPY BC IT MEANS HE HAS BASIC HUMAN RESPECT

i mean did he out me 2 my fathers side of the family & now im scared 2 talk 2 them? yeah

but thats just bc i havent talked 2 them since i was in diapers & then when i did it was strange bc they were so normal ((minus the slight racism but they just,,, r white & live in utah. like seriously i like tea bc its good nor bc im asian & my hair is a natural color its not dyed. no u cant touch it???? no i dont speak asian wtf)) snyways but they did grow up mormon so hahah afriad

y r u as a man a mormon? u want more men? huh? is that it?

no but anyways yeah im scared of them. which is strange bc theyre rlly nice

but i think i just cant accept ppl in my family bing nice & accepting 2 me bc its rlly scary. like. i have cousins. i have fucking cousins & theyre younger than me & im scared of them

even on my mothers side im scared of my family

& its not just that but ive convicned myself that i feel alienated from them bc im also half asian so i just dont “fit in”

i dont. look like them. i dont have sinilar intrests im weird y am i crying

fuck y is it so hard 2 make human connection 4 me mannn like its rlly annoying i just want 2 b hapoy & talk 2 ppl but ive convinced myself every1 h8s me & my existence & that im annoying & irritating & have nothing if value 2 contribute 2 every so y would i bother them or any1 & i h8 myself 4 it so much

like no fucking wonder i like that fucked up fox boy sm r u shitting me. this shot stinksss mannn

& it also hurts bc my brother called me dumb 4 thinking like this bc hes never ever thought of it b4. which

fair enough ig

he doesnt care much 4 things like that.

but ig i just do

i think it all stemmed from my mother always pointing out im HALF asian like ALWAYS correcting me. & it just spiraled from there bc when i was younger i never even noticed i was asian yk what i mean? childhood innocence “i didnt see color” lol

but whenever i started 2 grow up & say smth like “its so strnage that ive noticed ppl dont eat rice 4 ever meal! bc as some1 whos asian-“ then she would cut me off & say “HALF asian”

& honestly it fucked me up 4 no goddamn reason.

like literally who cares. i say. as im crying tears. like i rlly dont understand y i care sm but it jsut hurts

like i dont feel whole. i dont belong in 1 or the other & its stupid ik but my brain still convinces me its true.

that bing said its always strange bc ppl consider me just asian. like i never had 2 clarify so it makes me wonder y my mother feels so vindictive 2 do so

like in 7th grade we were doing this gene thing. & guess what, the 2 asian kids were paired 2gether. so we basically just asked about facial features & based on the score we got we would b put in2 a certian number group

which makes sense ok its like basic understanding of how genetics works 4 beginners

but when calling the numbers, we both stood up 4 like number 13

& ONLY US

every1 turned 2 look @ us when a kid went “woah & its the inly asians” like ok lmao

but it just kinda makes me think about how no1 fucking cares that im wasian. im just asian & white. im both.

i am not a percentage of 1 that will tell me if im more white or asian it doesnt rlly work like that. u cant split me in half & say this is the white side & this is the asian side.

logically.

emptionally all that shit gets thrown out the middle bc of fuckign course ur half & half u twinkie bitch

i feel like ive lost the point of whatever im typing

it was noce 2 just kinda vent about it whicj i do way 2 often lol

will i post this? mayb mayb not. it is noce 2 post these tho bc 1, this is my blog its me. 2, it makes them feel lore real

like less imagination i suppose?

idk. wheneve i share these thoughts or recount these memories 2 my family it always gets pushed aside so i just kinda, want them here. ig

i mean ok i havent actually shared some of these thoguhts 2 them. like i mostly avoid talking about my od bc they dont want 2 hear about how they make me h8 myself way more than i alr do & when i even slightly hint @ that shit they press me more like “what did i dooo” like ok let me go down the list again

then jts the whole “prove it” like shit alright i have some recordinfd from thr last 2 hrs but thats it do u want those? no? u dont? bc they make u upset? ok

i got a christmas card from my grandma & grandpa & my grandma wrote about how she was interested in my like etsy store & wanted 2 hear morr about my adventures

which is crazy bc i havent talked 2 them since,,, shit like the last time i talked 2 them lol uhhh b4 they moved away. like way b4

but the fact that she remmebered is insane 2 me

its the same way i feel when my mother remmebers my favorite color is pink or when she knows i like tmnt

like when j started getting in2 comics & talk her about the last ronin & how i wanted 2 read it bc uhm guess who my fav turtle bro is. but i didnt expect he 2 remmeber snything or b interested @ all but she got me the whole fucking book

off of like amazing yk. but she saw that & got me it & thats insane 2 me

my mother often tries 2 buy back my affection which unfortunately works bc she actually lsitens 2 me

like 4 christmas she got me a new keyboard thats quieter bc ig she remembered whne i told her that my brither conplains that my keyboard is 2 loud @ night so i wanted a new 1 so i didnt wake him

& just

its things like that when ik she genuinely cares about me. like, how i remmeber her when i was younger, b4 she put on some sort of persona all the time

not that she buys me shit btw bc i rlly wished she stopped doing that but the fact she listens 2 me. like woah.

like she KNOWS i like flash & superman!! LIKE SHE KNOWS I LIKE THEM BETTER THAN BATMAN!! SHE KNOWS THIS!! i mean she cant rlly recall my favorite characters but i dont expect her 2 im honestly just super impressed he cared that much about my interests @ all

it makes me like glad. in a say like how my friends would remember my favorite characters. like when ie wtched toilet bound hanokokun i like tsukasa aka his brother fav character right there & MY BESTIE WAS ABLE 2 TELL THE DIFFERENCE BTWEEN THE BROTHERS BC THEY PAID ATTENTION 2 ME??

like they knew i love tohru from dragon maid & that i live snufkin so dearly they got me a silly gay ass moomins hoodie 4 my birthday

or that i called myself a dogboy as a silyl bht semi yk real bc haha cope cope cope & THEY GOT ME DOG EARS & I JUST

i regret so much bcoming scared of them

like i fear how bad of a friend that i am that i distanced myself from them bc im convinced they h8 me

but when i remmeber these things im like no obviously they cared enough 2 listen 2 u & also share interests w/u & hang out w/u on fucking skype & play ur games cause u played theirs & its so stupid im so stupid

im such an idiot i want 2 talk w/them again

theyve been my best friend since 4th grade ive known them since i was in 1st & they were the 1st person i came out 2 & when i thought i was about 2 b h8ed & casted aside they said no u idiot i care 4 u holy shit im an idiot

y am i so scared of them y do i not thijk im worthy of their time theyre my best friend i miss them

so much

i love them sk much & ive neve tild them bc ive been scared 2 say it 4 so long till this yr bc i genuinely love ppl & i want them 2 know i regret it so much

ive always been afraid of being close 2 them like sitting in the same bed or couch 2 watch a show bc ive always been sfraid o how bad i smell cause ive been told my entire life that i smell like shit bc i fucking do bc im 2 fucking broken 2 take shwoers ir properly take care of myself

but they wanted me 2 they wanted me 2 & i dont undertsnd & i feel so bad 4 not letting myself get closer bc when i ddi 2 another frind & they told me i dont smell like shit i dont know i dont knoww

i miss them so much ive hugged them like once & i want 2 do it again but i definitely dont deserve it after distancing myself like this

& it sucks bc this is exactly what my parents want man

they h8 their family & them bc they “changed me”

which rllt just means they made me more comfortable bing myself but whatever. they made me “loud” they made me “trans” ((even tho i came out 1st 2 them???” they r manipulating me & THEY STILL BRING THEM UP DISPITE ME NOT TALKING 2 THEM IN LIKE 7 MONTHS,, & that was just over text

i rlly miss them i miss all mybfriends but i dont think they should deal w/the baggage that is whatever the fuck i am mannn

i just rlly hope they dont think of me bc it will bring on bad feelings & i dont want 4 them

im sobbing way 2 much i started making sound

yk i was just quietly sobbing b4 but i started thinking about mt best friend & i just couldnt hold it back in this sucks

every since i considered them a friend my parents have been telling me how theyre awful & manipulate me

& how they dont like them or their family & i think its a pile of horse shit bc if anything were the manipulative bastards like tf & its partly my parents fuslt that i dont interact w/them bc i just cannot take my parents bing awful shit bags 2 them & their family 4 litterly just existing

i can take transphobia directed @ me whatever but the instant any of them being up them i lose it. i scream i yell i push away

like its so fucking aggravating.

i dont think theyre perfect. they dont think theyre perfect ik that. but the fact that my parents theink they & i do is SO ANNOYING

stop basing everything u belive in on fucking fiction, i dont live in ur imagination

i sm real. they r real. were ppl mot concepts u can play around w/& i cannot wrap my head around how that doesnt make sense

i miss my best friend

i miss bing a kid, but in the way i was hapoy bc i ddint understand or care 4 these things

now i can grasp them slightly better & my brain turns them agaisnt me & hurts me 4 no fucking reason so now i i want 2 just disappear & woopsie daisy fuck me blehhh

did yk i cant play muliplayer games bc they make me cry? i get so scared of playing w/other ppl that i start panicking & crying

but i played w/my friends bc they like multiplayers & they would accommodate 4 me & hype me up & i fucking miss positivity so much

bc like i would play like idv right? my im so insecure anout my skill & my friedn was higher rank so they used an alt account 2 pkay w/me even tho they said i was good enough 2 play w/their main

like its such a nice thing that i dont think theh noticed they said or did they were just. functioning as they normally did as a nice fucking considerate person & i crying iver it

im fucking crying

& i stopped talking 2 them bc im as asshole. & when i told them y i want them 2 stay away they said but ur not. but ur not ur just a dick sometimes & i want 2 cry bc wtf is the difference mann ejfjk what is the dofference

im so scared 2 reach out despite constantly crying out a call. ill work up 2 it i want 2 i need 2 i just rlly want 2. i just panic so fucking much i start crying like literally whats wrong w/me

whats the difference btween talking on tumblr & talkiing on discord/msgers?? what is it??? i dont know

my headaches gone down slightly now so im going 2 make food 4 myself

& prolly cry some more anyways

#like a ranty vent post #as i do #its just me rambling #LMAO MAKE FOOD NVM my brother walked in on me crying bc wants me 2 go on a grocery run w/him #ok food waits #praying the food fucking waits bc

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real-total-drama-takes · 1 year ago

Note

I used to think the whole blorbo brainrot thing wasn't real, but ever since becoming obsessed with Tyler from this show, my grades have tanked. I'm blaming this on him.

Speaking of Tyler:

His characterization has more Autism symptoms than any other gen 1 contestant I can think of. He has a lack of coordination and fine motor skills (if not Autism, maybe he has a low/non-existent sense of depth perception,) he takes things literally, and he's overly trusting (IE Lindsay and Alejandro (w/ Autism, it's often the reverse in people past a certain age, but he seems like a young soul.)) I get the feeling he has a special attachment to his tracksuit and headband too.

His love of sports could also be argued as a special interest, as it interferes with other aspects of his life IE socially, studiously, etc. His overconfidence/blindness to reality could be early signs of psychosis, which is more common in Autistic people than non-Autistics, (35% of Autistic people also have psychosis [source: "Recognizing Psychosis in Autism Spectrum Disorder" paper].) He's also incredibly socially awkward for someone who interacts with people regularly (he has buddies in his audition tape.)

I didn't realize this while watching TDI, but in WT, he was probably the contestant I related to the most because of all these things, even if the series never intended on his character seeming Autistic. I think these behaviors are canonically explained through untreated concussions, explaining why he spells jerk with a g at some point, but it's ingrained in his personality so much that Autism is a possibility. If it was solely brain damage, I feel there would've been more internal conflict to his decision making and more swings to his mood when under pressure. Maybe it could be both? And even in 2007, hopefully people would've taken concussions seriously, especially if they happened to a kid time and time again.

Also I headcanon that his fear of chickens is not because of a traumatic event. He's just terrified of the fact they can live without their heads for a long time. Like... Did they made a deal with the devil to be able to do that!? I feel he would've heard that once and been terrified. I've tried to come up with other explanations for it, but they all were real downers, and I think Tyler has suffered enough.

#td tyler #total drama

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trashyocstash · 2 months ago

Text

little fic about lily being pregnant with brute

The weeks were ticking by, closer and closer to when Lily would give birth. She was currently in the third trimester, and found herself struggling with the different symptoms such as insomnia, swelling, heartburn and simple discomfort from the baby getting bigger.

Giving birth would also be a long, painful process, so on one hand, she was scared, but on the other, felt everything, including her current pregnancy symptoms, would all be worth it in the end. Lily loved being a mother to Phantom Brat, and was excited at giving birth to her and Phantom Blot’s biological pup.

Her last ultrasound revealed the baby was to be a boy, and she'd excitedly had her baby shower in response. Lily also loved seeing Phantom Blot’s own excitement and how he was already referring to the baby as “little prince”.

Currently, she found herself relaxing in bed. Lily had taken to spending more time there than usual since she'd found out she was pregnant, and both Blot and Fragmuffin had doted on her, wanting to ensure both her and the baby's health. She knew excerise was important for that as well, so tried to sneak in some light excerise whenever she could. But right now, she needed to simply lay down in bed.

The bed was made extra comfortable for her, with more pillows and blankets, and her side table had bottles of medication for pain and sleeping.

She ate breakfast in bed, courtesy of Fragmuffin, when Phantom Blot stepped inside.

“How are you feeling darling?”

“I'm doing good…just a little sore and tired..” Lily admitted.

He went over and kissed her, “Do you need anything?”

“Mm..can you..stay here with me?”

“Of course.”

Phantom Blot laid next to her on their bed, and placed his hand on her stomach, gently caressing it. Soon enough, he felt the baby kick and grinned.

“Hard to believe he's almost here.”

“It's going to be wonderful when he finally is, I can't wait to hold him in my arms the first time, and you know how excited Brat will be. She keeps asking when he's coming, she's very impatient,” Lily chuckled.

“She just can't wait to be a big sister,” He chuckled back.

Phantom Blot hadn't been around when Brat's mother was pregnant with her, she never said a word until she'd decided to dump Brat with him as a baby. Then the little pup had to spend her earliest years without a mother.

Now Lily was here, and everything changed for the better. The bond she'd formed with Phantom Brat was important to him. Blood relations be damned, Lily was Brat’s true mother.

And now, Lily and Phantom Blot were going to have a puppy together, and he enjoyed being there for her pregnancy, experiencing all the highs and lows with her. He was there during her mood swings, her cravings, when her hormones acted up, reassuring her when she'd formed stretch marks, easing her when she vomited and helping ensure she slept well. After missing out on when Brat was still in the womb, he was glad to be there for his and Lily's son, their little prince.

Lily clutched her head and squeezed her eyes shut, worrying Blot, “Are you alright darling?”

“Can you…get me the pain meds?”

He nodded and reached over to them. After giving her them, Lily took them and leaned against him, nuzzling his chest.

Phantom Blot wrapped his arms around her and held her close, his guarding instincts flaring up. Ever since Lily revealed she was pregnant, those instincts made him extra protective of her, and their baby. It only made sense after all.

As a result, he'd been spending more time at home, especially now that Lily was ever so close to giving birth, and he didn't want to miss that. The size of her belly was a constant, pleasant reminder.

Blot had evil plans but…those could wait for now.

He kissed her head gently, and they wordlessly relaxed together.

Lily managed to finish her breakfast, and Phantom Blot helped her downstairs, over to the kitchen, where she set the tray down.

Phantom Brat noticed them and followed them to the kitchen, “Mommy! Daddy! When is baby brother going to be here?”

She eyed Lily's belly, making her laugh, “Just a few more weeks sweetie, okay?”

The puppy huffed and crossed her arms, “Alright…”

Lily kissed the top of her head, “I know it's hard to wait. But it will all be worth it. We'll teach you how to do things like hold him and play with him, and I know he'll just love you.”

Phantom Brat was reassured by that, a smile appearing on her face, “Yay!”

“For now, why don't we play with your dolls together?”

“Okay!”

Lily was dedicated to her role as a mother to Brat, and one thing she already knew about her and her unborn pup, was that she wanted to ensure that they didn't end up suffering like she had to. She was already doing her best to instill confidence in Phantom Brat; such as telling her that she's kind, beautiful, strong and smart, to not let anyone tell her otherwise, to not allow others to mistreat her and always being very positive and encouraging.

The idea of anyone hurting her pups tore at her heart, and she knew when they got older, she'd teach them straightforwardly what red flags are and what abuse looks like.

But for now, it was simply time to relax and play. And she relished in that.

—--------

Night fell, and Lily took her sleeping medication before laying down in bed.

Phantom Blot followed her to bed and wrapped an arm around her, “How are you feeling angel?”

“Good…”

He kissed her, then kissed her belly, “Had to kiss both of you you know.”

She giggled, “I can feel him moving around, I think he already loves his Daddy.”

Blot grinned, “Of course he does!”

He had made arrangements for a doctor villain to help Lily give birth, and that said villain wouldn't spill the beans about their son. The doctor nervously agreed, not wanting to get on Phantom Blot’s bad side.

Blot’s world domination plans were inching closer to being fulfilled, day by day. He imagined his son growing up, actually getting to be a prince, that that life was all he'd ever know, and he loved that.

Each day that passed was a day closer to Lily giving birth. But for now, she simply needed rest.

She wrapped herself up in multiple blankets and laid her head down, “Good night, my ghost.”

He smiled fondly at her, “Good night darling.”

Blot watched as she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, a smile remaining on his face all the while.

He wasn't tired, so made his way to his lab and sat down to work on another invention. After Lily gave birth and went back to normal, he wanted to enact another villainous scheme, something that would make his long hiatus worth it.

Then eventually, he'd achieve world domination, with his family right there by his side.

#lily x phantom blot #my writing

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reaperlight · 1 year ago

Text

I Will Survive

In a world where Venom succeeded in kicking Eddie out of his own apartment...

[Eddie, bruised, battered, and cornered in an alleyway.

A certain bright red stolen car makes a chance wrong turn and discovers him there...]

Cletus: My, my, my Eddie Brock....

Frances: Brockilicious?

Eddie, [terrified, cornered, there's nowhere to run]: Ah!

Cletus: Eddie... [sees he's injured, inspecting his bruised face, tilts his head back, frowning] Who did this to you?

Eddie: *whimpering in terror*

Cletus: *frowning, but takes cues from Frances and backs off*

Frances: ...Why don't you just come with us, Eddie?

Cletus: It's gonna be okay.

Cletus: [*Gives him his coat.*] I'm sorry we scared you, we're not gonna hurt you.

Eddie: W-what?!

Eddie: ...You're uh... your not mad? About... about the article?

[Eddie, belatedly realizing he probably shouldn't have mentioned that]

Cletus [looking annoyed but not murderous as he feared]: Well I was... until Frances helped me get some perspective.

Eddie: Frances?

Cletus [all soft smiles and love-sick eyes]: Eddie, meet my future wife.

Eddie: Wife?

Frances [smiles shyly at him]: Hi Eddie. You're safe with us, kiddo. Whoever did this. We're not gonna let them hurt you again. Right?

Cletus: Right.

Eddie: [*Still disbelieving, but too hurt to run and not seeing another option goes with them.*]

Later in the car with Frances driving, Eddie in the backseat under bunch of blankets they gave him against the chill of exposure and Cletus tending his wounds...

Eddie: You're really not mad...?

Cletus: Like you couldn't possibly have known what was going on in my head, could you? And you clearly had your own shit to deal with. Eddie... I owe you an apology. I'm sorry. About the things I said when I was about to get executed... you might understand that was kinda a stressful moment for me but still you did me a kindness and I threw it in your face. I truly am sorry. I feel like shit about it--

Eddie, [alarmed by Cletus's mood swings, squeaking in terror]: That's... that's fine.

Cletus, [frowning]: You don't have to be afraid of me, Eddie. Why are you afraid? You were never afraid before? I don't want to hurt you. I promise you that. You're our friend, yes?

Eddie: Yeah... yeah, uh... okay?

Cletus: Good! :) So you're our friend. [Darkly] Nobody hurts our friends.... who did this to you?

Eddie, [swallowing]: My... uh my... boyfriend. Ex... ex-boyfriend.

Eddie: [*starts crying in earnest*]

Cletus: [*holding him, mindful of bruised ribs*]: He hurts you, he hits you? ...What a dick.

Eddie [*between sobs*]: ...Y-yeah.

Frances: ...Baby, I'm taking us to the nearest diner.

Cletus: Thats a good idea. A warm meal. Pie and ice cream. What do you think, Eddie? And you can tell us anything you want about that asshole.

[At the Diner]

Frances: Hey, keep the ice cream coming please. This is a category 5 breakup event.

Eddie [between sobs]: And then... then he broke my tv--

Cletus: What. A. DICK!

Eddie [sniffling]: I know.

Frances: My God, dump his ass!

Eddie, [sobbing into his ice cream]: Too late... He dumped me.

Frances: No, you dumped him... Don't tolerate that shit. You can do so much better.

Cletus: Eddie, I know you. You are strong, you are brave you don't need that asshole. Frances is right, you are better off without him.

Eddie: [*sobbing harder*]

Cletus: ...So like, did you like... want us to kill that guy for you? Just saying like... he hurt you, took your stuff, tried to kill you... I could totally kill that guy for you. You know that's something I'm good at.

Eddie [Between sobs, loudly honking his nose into a napkin]: I-I don't think that's a good idea.

Cletus: What I don't understand why didn't you just sic your monster on him, unless... oh.

Eddie: 😳

Cletus: Hey, hey no judging. [*twitching awkwardly*] Hey, is it... uh, is it always like that? With those uh... monsters? And their uh... relations with humans? Asking for no particular reason.

Eddie: Uh, no. He was... he was nice. He WAS! Really. He didn't eat me.

Cletus: [*suddenly looking very uncomfortable*]

Frances: That's the floor, Brockilicious! He clearly wasn't treating you right.

Eddie: He helped me save the planet too. It wasn't all bad.

Frances: But who's gonna save you from him?

Eddie [noticing Cletus looks uncomfortable]: uh Cletus, I know you offered but you dont have to kill him. In fact please don't. He was an ass but I don't want him dead. And uh... he'll kill you, you know.

Cletus: ...You care?

Eddie: Oh.

Cletus: Oh Eddie! You really do care!

[Eddie freezes.

Cletus is hugging him, Frances is hugging him.

More pie arrives at the table.]

Cletus: We ARE friends! I'm so glad!

Cletus and Frances are both looking at him smiling madly, deliriously happy...

They didn't try to kill him or hurt him once, helped him, and have been listening to him crying about Venom for the past hour without complaint...

Eddie: Sure, Cletus, Frances... We're friends.

Frances: Yay!

Cletus: I must admit this is the happiest I've been today since our last two jailbreaks, and uh [*sharing a knowing look with Frances*] everything after number two.

Eddie: How uh... How did you manage that?

Cletus [still leaning in close, breathing him in]: You. You did Eddie. You saved us. You're our hero.

Eddie: I don't... I don't understand...

Frances: Cletus is alive thanks to you. You saved him, so that he could save me. We are not ungrateful.

Carnage [*manifesting*]: Hello Eddie.

Eddie [realizing]: ...Oh my God.

Eddie: [*Feeling worse knowing it's all his fault...*]

Cletus: Buddy uh, all things considered this might not be the best time...

Carnage: I waited. I listened. To him... and you.. Cletus, I am nothing like him. I'm not Venom! I will not hurt you! I am not eating you, I would never do that to you. You just need to accept our bond--

Cletus: Eddie uh... this is Carnage.

Carnage [grinning]: Thank you, dad. For bringing us together. For giving me this host. I love him... He is perfect for me.

Cletus: [*looking very uncomfortable*]

Carnage: Cletus, I mean you no harm and have no desire to eat you. I am sorry I made you feel that way. I want to do better.

Cletus: O-okay buddy. But if you really mean that then you should apologize to her.

Carnage: Shriek, I am sorry. I was hurting. You hurt me. But I should not have threatened to eat you. I am sorry. Cletus, I will do better than father. I promise!

Frances: Apology accepted.

Eddie watching them giggling and cuddling together and becoming sadder, feeling like he was looking at what he could have had if he hadn't screwed things up with Anne AND Venom.

Carnage: Dad?

Eddie [*winces*]: ...

Carnage: Eddie... You were not unreasonable. Father is just an idiot, ignoring the most basic safety precautions. [*holding Cletus and Frances protectively with tentacles*] Of course they would find him and you, lock you both away in their cages. If I can understand that why can't he?

Eddie: I think he's used to conquering planets and moving on.

Carnage [scoffing]: He's still an idiot.

Eddie [tearing up again]: He was MY idiot though.

Frances: Oh Brockilicious you have it bad--Hey Eddie why don't you come here.

Cletus: Really, it's okay.

[Eddie comes closer, confused, but (to his horror) trusting. Both of them lean against him and he is comforted by the familiar feeling of tentacles draped over him even if these were red instead of black...

He hasn't forgotten what Cletus is but he no longer is afraid anymore just as after a while he stopped being afraid of Venom and his brain-eating. He was adaptable like that. It helps that Carnage feels so familiar. It's not Venom but this still feels comfortable, like coming home...]

Eddie: God, I'm an idiot. I miss him so much. It feels wrong now, without him. Emptied out, hollow.

Carnage: We could spawn in you?

Cletus: Woah buddy!

Eddie: [*spitting out his drink*]

Carnage: ...If you'd like?

Cletus: That's uh really, really forward... [Exchanges glances with Frances, she nods] Carn's right, you're welcome to join us...

Eddie: You're not afraid I'd like... use your spawn to stop you?

Cletus: Stop us from what, going on our honeymoon?

Carnage: Hmmm, the offer still stands.

Eddie: What?

Cletus: That's the thing Eddie, we uh... we really wanted to invite you to our wedding since you're like our only friend but considering your recent breakup if you don't want to... We completely understand.

Frances: You got a place to go? Should we like drop you off somewhere?

Eddie, [while feeling safe enough with them not really trusting them near Anne or any of his friends and afraid of what they might get up to and Carnage... that was his fault, his responsibility...]: It's okay. I'll go.

Cletus: Oh Eddie, thank you! You don't know how much this means to us.

[They hug him again and Eddie is only alarmed that this is no longer uncomfortable....

The police arrive. Frances shrieks and they escape. Carnage is furious, Cletus trying to hold them back while Frances and Eddie look on in horror.]

Cletus: ...If you stay with us it's gonna hurt sometimes. You need to accept that. You can't threaten her again. Take it out on me if you must--

Carnage: I don't want to hurt you, Cletus. I don't want to hurt her either. I know how much she means to you..

Cletus: You threatened to eat her!

Carnage: Because she was hurting us! I do not want to hurt either of you I just don't like the screaming! We were cool before her. What happened? Don't you understand you are mine?

Cletus: Uh...

Eddie: Hey uh... Carnage? You said you want to do better than Venom? That's not the way you do it.

Carnage [*Head tilt*]: It isn't?

Eddie: No.

Carnage: ...Can you show me?

Eddie: Yes. Why don't... why don't you come here.

Carnage: Okay. [*surges over to him*]

[Eddie closes his eyes in clear relief, it feels good to be a host again, even if it was different and decidedly not Venom...]

Cletus [also in clear relief, while he'd enjoyed the power it had also been awkward and he'd been living in constant fear since it threatened Frances]: Thank you, Eddie.

***

[Cletus and Frances, getting an intimate moment to themselves on their wedding night.

Eddie, babysitting a sulking Carnage and patiently trying to explain the concept of boundaries and consent to a lovesick alien who was raised in the head of a serial killer.

He supposed he could have just taken off with Carnage but Carnage would never allow that and dammit he cared about them too...]

Eddie: ..Do you understand now?

Carnage: I think so. In that case, Eddie, I'd like to ask an additional favor of you.

Eddie: What's that?

Carnage: ...When you give me back to him I'm going to need to borrow your body like father did with your Anne.

Eddie: Wait you mean... You want... you want to kiss him? You want to use ME to kiss him.

Carnage: Yes.

Eddie: Surely that's not necessary...

Carnage: It is very necessary. Please?

*Sad symbiote eyes*

Eddie: I guess it's progress that you're asking.... fine but only, and I mean only if they are both okay with it.

Carnage: Yessss!

Eddie: ....And I've probably signed my death warrant agreeing to that.

Carnage: I don't think so. They like you.

Eddie: Are you kidding, they will hunt me for sport.

Carnage: Are you this dense? They are only "hunting" in the sense that you are a pretty unicorn. They both like you and desire you as a mate. If you don't believe me then ask them yourself...

***

Cletus: Thank you, Eddie. For everything.

Eddie: It was no problem.

[Surprised to realize he meant it and was almost sorry to leave. No there was no "almost."

Going back meant he'd have to face realty, Anne, a stolen apartment, police questioning, Venom...

Frances: You could... come with us if you want?

Eddie: On your honeymoon?

[His pulse quickened, could Carnage have been right? ]

Frances: Yeah why not live a little, come see the world with us.

Cletus: We're gonna see all the things we never got to see, do all the things we never got to do... you can always say we abducted you. Hey, think of the book deals you could get for this experience--

Eddie: That's uh... that's exploitative.

Cletus: Eddie... I'm asking you to exploit me. I'd like you to exploit me. I am here to please.

Frances: Yeah, you have our permission. [Teasing] I wouldn't mind a little of that myself. You can use us if you don't mind us using you a bit too.

Carnage: ...And we can spawn in you. :)

Frances: Don't pressure him! Didn't Eddie talk to you about that?

Carnage: Oh, sorry. I could spawn in you if you'd like... but I think we both know you want me to.

Eddie: Why don't we hammer out how you'd like this story to be told?

Cletus: I'd like that. I think we might hammer out a lot of things.

Eddie: So, where to first?

Frances: How's your Spanish?

***

[Meanwhile back at Eddie's (former) apartment a very worried pitch black chicken is watching the news. ]

Newscaster: Cletus Kasady is on the loose! Local journalist Eddie Brock has been kidnapped! A statewide manhunt is underway... Kasady and Barrison are extremely dangerous--

Venom: Eddie ;_;

Venom: Eddie, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to wish you dead.

Venom: [*Trying and failing to fly as a chicken.*]

Venom: I'm coming Eddie! I will save you!

Eddie: [*sipping martinis in Mexico with his new friends, doing just fine.*]

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